#and now its half ten
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(Part of this post with older brother danyal al ghul)
...Okay, look. Sam knows she's staring. She knows very well that she is staring. And that if she doesn't stop staring it's gonna draw her unwanted attention, and that will only have to make her explain why she's staring. Which she doesn't want to do.
She's trying not to stare, which she thinks she should get brownie points for. She tries to look away, to find a spot on the wall to stare lifelessly at, maybe she can burn holes into some of these annoying socialites' heads. But eventually her eyes drift, and suddenly she's back to staring again.
Can you blame her though? Damian Wayne looks like a very close mini-me of her fucking best friend. Seriously, it's like looking into a mirror to the past. If that mirror to the past had green eyes rather than blue and a distinctive lack of a facial scar.
The first time she sees him when her parents drag her over to Bruce Wayne to butter up to him she has to do a doubletake. Then a triple take. Then a quadruple take, just for good measure that she was seeing what she was actually seeing. She was sure she looked like one of those stress toys that when squeezed had their eyes pop out comically like a Saturday morning cartoon, that's what she certainly felt like anyways.
Look, Danny's come a decent way from being that scowl-y, jerkish little ten year old she first met when he arrived like the wind to Amity Park five years ago (even if he was still occasionally scowl-y and jerkish), but one thing that's stayed the same is how reserved he is about his home life prior to being taken in by the Fentons.
He doesn't talk about it much, and Sam's come to know that he's very good at changing the subject when it gets brought up. Even after being friends for nearly four years, the only thing she and Tuck know for certain is that he has a little brother that he refers to as 'starlight', whom he cares a lot about but left on really bad terms with. And that he's never met his father, but wants to and knows who he is.
He's never told her or Tucker who he was though, and glancing at Bruce Wayne, Sam is realizing why. She can begrudgingly acknowledge all the good he's done for Gotham, but... well, if Danny told her that Bruce Wayne was his dad, she wouldn't have believed him at all.
But she's starting to see the resemblance, as subtle as it is.
And she sees the resemblance to Damian Wayne, her eyes dropping back down to him as he wears a very Danny-like scowl on his face, arms crossed behind his back as his eyes swept around the ballroom. He was five years younger than Danny, and god it was so, so weird.
His eyes turned on to her, and they locked gazes for a moment.
Involuntarily, Sam makes a startled noise and looks away. Fingers tap against her purse, black and purple and unfortunately a clutch that only held her phone and her wallet in it. She would have kept a knife on her, but her parents put their foot down and there was a security detail at the door. Only in Gotham.
Silently, she was hoping that the little Danny-me didn't say anything. Or at least, he hadn't noticed her staring. Which was a tall order if she ever heard one -- and unfortunately, her silent prayers went unanswered as her mother's eyes dropped down onto her.
"Did you say something, Samantha?" She asks in a sickeningly sweet voice, a sound that makes Sam's skin crawl. Her dad and Bruce Wayne's attention also turns onto her, and she glowers at her mom from the corner of her eye.
"I didn't say anything." Sam says, barely keeping her tone polite as she turned her head away. Her mother clucks her tongue, disapproving, but from her peripherals doesn't pester her more
Bruce Wayne, the bastard, takes that time to turn to Sam and grace her with his dime-a-dozen billboard smiles. "I've been talking with your parents this whole time, Miss Manson, you must be terribly bored. How is your schooling going?"
Sam eyes him up and down. On one hand, she immediately wants to be snarky. It's none of his business what her school life is like, she doesn't care for his fucking small talk.
On the other hand, this was Danny's whole father. Someone who she knows that Danny has wanted to meet for, what she's assuming, his whole life. He's never brought it up much, but she remembers that very quiet, solemn conversation she and Tucker had with him where he admits to having never met his dad. But god does he want to.
And... wait. Sam's eyes narrow, and she meets Bruce Wayne's eyes. Does this man even know Danny exists? She drops her gaze down to Damian, who was staring at her suspiciously, and then back up to Bruce, and she alternates between them.
Why was Damian living with Bruce, but not Danny? Why hasn't Bruce done anything to reach out to him - what was going on with Danny's biological family that Danny had to be separated from them, but not Damian? Danny's always been kinda mysterious, but now things weren't adding up.
Was Danny given up? Does Bruce just not want Danny, but wanted Damian? Why the fuck does Bruce Wayne know about Damian but not her best friend -- or does he know and just not care? He's fought for custody for his adoptive kids before, does he just not want to fight for his other biological son? Does he think Danny's not worth it?
She's never cared much about the Wayne family before, other than to hear about the advancements on WE's eco-friendly tech, but Sam thinks she's gonna have to look into why Damian Wayne was living with the Waynes.
Slowly, with a protective anger beginning to burn in her gut and crawl up her throat, a scowl slowly curls at the corner of her lip as she redirects her glare from her mother onto Bruce. "It's going fine," She says curtly, jutting her chin out defiantly. "Me and my friend Danny started a petition to fix the leaky faucets in the girls and boys' bathrooms in order to conserve more water for the rest of the city."
She eyes his face, waiting to see if anything like recognition flashes through it. And- and nothing. Sam breathes in slowly through her nose, trying to quell the red that's blurring the edge of her vision -- does he just, not know where Danny is?
Her parents however, make vaguely displeased expressions. "Our Samantha is... quite passionate about her pet projects." Her dad says, laughing low and nervously, "she's very vocal about silly things like that."
"Her friend Daniel is perhaps even worse than she is sometimes." Her mother adds on, fanning her face with her perfectly manicured hands with a sigh. "I swear, he's the one that keeps dragging her into these things."
Sam's anger turns on its head, and she whirls on her heel like a fire-breathing dragon. "It's Danyal." It rolls out like instinct. Danny's told them both that he hates the Americanized pronunciation of his name, but in a rare moment of restraint, puts up with it for reasons unknown to her. "And Danny doesn't make me do anything, it was my idea."
The name, Danyal, seems to ring some kind of bell in Brucie Wayne's head, because she sees him and Damian quietly perk up like two cats pricking up their ears. Her eyes flick onto him immediately, something dangerous rearing its head. So Bruce Wayne knows about Danny. And he's not reaching out to him. Is he? She's not sure.
She does know that she's gonna rip his throat out if she finds out that he's known about Danny this entire time and has been ignoring him while favoring his little brother. She'll hunt down Aragon herself and steal his dragon-shifting amulet and wreck house on Bruce Wayne if that's the case. Batman and his league of vigilantes be damned. Her parents don't notice her slowly turning head towards Bruce.
But Bruce does, and she makes direct eye contact with him. His smile doesn't falter, he just tilts his head like a curious puppy and looks at Sam's parents. She hopes Bruce can read minds, she hopes he can hear her threatening him.
"Danyal?" He asks, and Sam doesn't know if she hates the fact that he said it correctly or not. She just continues burning holes into him and hoping he might spontaneously combust.
Her mother waves her hand dismissively, tilting her nose up poshly into the air. "Our dear Samantha's little... foster friend from school," she says, not even bothering to hide her disdain, "a creepy little boy with the most garish scar on his face. He's a rude little thing, not good for polite company."
Scratch that, Sam mentally alternates between ripping into her parents and Bruce. She whirls on them. "Do not talk about Danny that way." She all but snarls, and they all but ignore her.
(She's tearing up the upholstery when she gets home. She's going to paint over the fine china. She's going to do something to make them pay for this.)
"Oh yes, he was taken in by that freaky Fenton family a few years ago." Her dad continues in lieu of her mom, and they both shake their heads disapprovingly. "It's just what our city needs, another menace."
"Danny is not a menace." Sam continues, raising her voice while her hands shake with rage. Her parents finally look at her, but she can already tell that they're going to scold her for raising her voice. She bulldozes over them and jabs her black-painted finger at them. "He's got a bigger heart than the both of you combined."
"Samantha, please." her mom says, exasperated. They both give her disapproving looks, Sam thinks about grabbing champagne off the tray of a nearby waiter and throwing it in their faces. "You defend that boy far too much. What do you actually know about him and his family?"
Sam sets her jaw, puffing herself up like a dragon protecting its hoard. She steps into her mom's space. "I know that he loves the stars; you can ask him anything about astronomy and he could give you an entire lecture on the formation, class types, and various gasses that stars are made up of. He can tell you how the Earth was formed, he can tell you about the visible light spectrum and about light curves, and a whole ton of other stuff that I don't really understand. But Danny loves talking about it."
Her face twists and scowls, "I know he cares a ton about the environment and about fixing light pollution, and preserving the forests and natural habitats of animals." She nearly jabs her finger into her mom's chest, "I know he loves dogs, and that there's one he feeds every day on the way to school that he calls Cujo, its a St. Bernard puppy and Danny carries him around whenever he sees him after school, and is in the middle of training him."
It's not a total lie, but it's not the whole truth either. Cujo doesn't need food, but Danny gives him it anyways. "I know he likes spicy food and loves movies but specifically only sci-fi and horror, and he hates most martial arts movies. His favorite superhero is the Martian Manhunter, but Batman comes in at a close second." For reasons to her that were pretty unknown, but it didn't matter.
"I know he loves wordplay and making puns, which I would have never expected from him when we first met, but it's so unbelievably Danny-like that I can't imagine him not making puns." And she smiles a little to herself, she remembers the first time Danny intentionally made a pun once and it got startled laughs out of both her and Tucker.
Her smile suddenly falters, and she swallows. Her lips purse up, wobbling, and she very quickly glances over to Damian Wayne, of whom is watching her with a vaguely bewildered expression alongside Bruce.
She turns her eyes back onto her parents. "And I know that he worries a lot, even if he has a shit way of showing it. I know he had a little brother that he hasn't seen since he was adopted by the Fentons, and he doesn't talk about him often but when he does he he calls him 'starlight'." From the corner of her eye, she sees Damian jerk.
"So- so, so what if he's not 'good for polite company'." Sam's voice, embarrassingly, cracks down the middle. But she's so angry over Danny's behalf that she doesn't really care. "Or that he can be mean, and critical, and stubborn. He's learning, and he's becoming kinder by the day. That's more than I can say about you."
(She remembers when Danny finally admitted to her and Tucker being his 'closest friends'. It was sometime before the portal incident, and it felt like a milestone because beforehand he only really referred to them as his companions or allies.)
(At the time, he'd looked unsure of himself. Skittish like a stray in the back of an alleyway, almost shy in his own way. It had come out stilted, slow, like an infant taking its first steps, and it would have been endearing if it hadn't been heartbreaking.)
Her parents rear back like she'd struck them, and her mother holds a hand against her chest in aghast. Sam doesn't care, she blinks the sting out of her eyes. "Samantha." Her mother starts.
Sam cuts her off, "I don't care what you have to say, you-- you pricks." she snaps, around her, there are gasps. Belatedly, she realizes she's grown an audience, but again she doesn't care. "Danny might be an asshole, but he cares. And I'd rather be around someone whose mean but cares, than someone whose nice but doesn't."
With that, she whirls on her foot and turns on Bruce Wayne, who has been silent the entire time with a surprised expression on his face. He starts to shake out of it when Sam turns to him, but she doesn't give him the chance to speak. "Enjoy your party." She snarls, and then stalks away.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danyal al ghul au#older brother danny#sam is one protective gal. this scene went differently in my head. way differently. but alas. i am not complaining.#sam: if bruce wayne abandoned my best friend i'm gonna physically transform myself into a dragon and incinerate him. how dare he.#bruce and damian got to watch in real time as a random girl who knows danny suddenly realizes he's related to them. which is comical to me#because she suddenly goes from being disinterested but weirded out by damian. to suddenly looking at bruce like she's gonna kill him#which is very funny to me bc from their pov at first its like this random girl just speedran hating bruce. and then her parents bring up he#friend danny and then she calls him danyal. and suddenly its starting to click into place like 'oh fuck wait we may just have a lead on --#-- finding danyal and his whereabouts.' especially after sam's mom mentions the scar on his face. like wow. what a crazy ten minutes.#not seen but def happened: sam gets her phone out to go text danny in the corner. she's not gonna bring up the bruce thing yet. she needs#a pick me up. related note: danny and tucker know she's gone to some gala thing with her parents but not to a wayne gala. if danny had know#he may have told her that he was related to damian wayne. just to prepare her for that. not so sure on the writing in this one folks#but i also dont wanna go through and edit anything its like half past one in the morning and i also dont wanna wait until morning to post#when i can just do it now. and get instant serotonin. i thought of this scene in various ways. like sam calling damian 'danny' out of shock#and then quickly correcting herself. and then excusing herself very quickly. or her mentioning that damian resembles her friend danny a lot#so she was just thrown off by him. because i def think that could happen if sam has no reason to think that she needs to hide danny from th#waynes. i also thought about her parents mentioning that damian resembles danny a little bit. only for one of them to go 'oh no no couldn't#- be. how insulting to damian since the daniel they know has this horrid scar on his face.' and then go from there. either way i thought#a scene like this would be fun. get to also kinda explore how danny looks like from his friends' povs. of which he is#'our lovable jerk who is an ex-cult member and whom we will maim someone over.'#not a scene that was added but i wanted to: sam mentioning in parenthesis that she and tucker think danny was part of a cult prior to the#fentons. and that sometimes danny will say something alarming and sam and tucker will stare at him until he frowns and goes#“that... isn't normal. is it?” and tucker will clap his shoulder and cheerfully go “no buddy. no it isn't” bc i think the idea is funny.#sam is so focused on the idea that bruce abandoned/ignored/was unaware of danny's existence that she momentarily forgot that bruce may have
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I swear I meant for this fic to be a shorter story. I promise I was trying to practice my short form fanfiction. I didn't mean for it to exceed the word limit by more than triple the amount. You have to believe me, the details got out of hand and I'm only halfway through and it's twenty-nine pages, and I truly did not intend for it to get out of hand.
#yes its a bakudeku fic#bkdk#bakudeku#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#deku#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#fanfic#dkbk#bkdkbk#fanfiction#fan fiction#ao3#archiveofourown#archive of our own#the fic was supposed to be 3k max and now it's ten fucking thousand words long and half finished#im on a roll tho and think i can finish it up this weekend#or at least add another 10k words and hope it'll be close to the end#im losing it guys
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Who's gonna get whacked by the snowstorm? It's supposed to get me the next two days and I'm kinda excited tbh 👀
ARE Y'ALL PREPARED?!
#my animals all should be okay#im just a bit worried about the half wild chickens who wont let me put them in the coop#or even the garage#i know theyll be ok with the cold im just worried about how deep the snow will be#ill have to keep up on making paths for them#other than that#i have enough animal and people food to last awhile and i have extra straw in case someone needs more#also got ten gallons each of diesel and gas#lots of blankets medical supplies board games#oh dang i should make sure my portable phone charger is charged#i really need to get a solar charger#the thing im worried about most is if the power goes out#we have a generator but if we can keep the house warm during the day we might turn it off at night#and i know its stupid but i have anxiety and nighttime is really hard for me#especially in pitch black silence#i dont like the way my fear and anxiety makes my heart feel#anyway#ill stop rambling now#yall are in my prayers#please pray for us
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I am once again being haunted by "a paradox" holy fuck Olivia what the fuck is going on here what did you get yourself involved with and what did you do after it speak to me Olivia I can't keep living like this
#rat rambles#oni posting#the second half fills you with the horrors so you forget that the log opened up with that b111-1 bomb#for the record a paradox is one of my favorite lore logs of all of them because its the log that made me go Oh Shit and go reread all the#olivia logs I initially only skimmed through and begun the olivia brain takeover#the second part rewired my brain irreversably like its so fucked I love it#in particular one thing that makes me so fucking glad that the old olivia jackie logs were scrapped is that originally jackie was the one#who printing pod ified olivia to save her from the end of the world or smth#but the change to make it self inflicted? fucking amazing ten million times better and more interesting#especially because it implies she did it on purpose!#which opens up so many doors and I fucking Love it#because the teleportation technology was what she knew of as a method of doing this but either A shed have to have kept using teleporters#anyways and either just count on her not dying or counting On her dying#or shed have to know the link between it and the neural vaculators#which is very possible considering Stuff™ but does raise the question of how she used it#now the boring answer is that her brain map was already taken from the neural vaculator tests but god. that answer is boring.#the most interesting possibility to me personally is that she could have well. tinkered a bit with existing technology.#unlikely? maybe. fun to explore for my purposes? yep.#also I need the peace of knowing that jackie never got the satisfaction of knowing what happened with olivia's dissapearance#or if she did only after the fact#I need this to have been completely out of jackie's viewpoint at the top and I need it to fuck with her and shatter her worldview#I need to see the desperation and paranoia of a woman who is realizing that she has lost control over her technology#I need to see her try to cling onto her past ambitions and sense of control while falling apart at the seams#and I need olivia to have never thought jackie would give a shit until all else but her is dead and gone#do you see my vision do you see it do you see how much more fun it is if it was extremely deliberate instead of only lightly so
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#sabaody archipelago#ch512#well anyway i'm doing 511 and 512 on the same night bc i want to fluff the queue a bit more#we're getting pretty close to the marineford war arc and there are not going to be a lot of sanjis there... i'm torn between actually doing#a reread for me personally and just skimming for sanjis. i do want to read a few more manga series#i have a list of josei recs from some youtubers i watch since i enjoy josei games#i'm thinking on reading uhhhh life lessons with uramichi oniisan soon since that one seems very funny#idk maybe in a few chapters you'll see my review in some of these tags#but the other 3 series on my notecard areeeee dont call it mystery. even though we're adults (which is also yuri)#and apple children of aeon which i'm probably going to do next? idk yet.#well anyway i'm also getting even deeper into 18trip like its bad bad#netaro sr event happening rn and thank god its just an sr bc i went broke pulling#for nagi's birthday card (got his initial ssr. no birthday though </3#) and renga's birthday is august 9th and grrrrr#i read a better tl of renga's light novel + liguang's ln + first half of sun will r1ze and oh my fucking god#i need a better tl of ten's ln NOW come onnnnnn let me go insane#i'm probably going to be posting 18trip meta on main if anyone was that interested#in my takes on a kinda niche new josei game#play/read 18trip though this is a Threat
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everybody listen to me. i have so many words written. i know my ao3 has been dead for weeks but that is NOT because i haven't been writing. listen. august is gonna be such a fucking month for us
#tens of thousands#i have 40k of jaott#i have chapter 2 of lazarus tendencies half written#two shiny new oneshots one of thems over 7k now and its so close to done#did i mention jaott is at 40k.#ive been SO BUSY#nix rambles
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hour 14 of taking a break from art for the sake of my tendons: i am Wailing and Keening and Scratching Forlornly At My Tablet
#i dont know if im strong enough but i Need to be strong enough#cant continue doodling if ya wrist doesnt work#clenching my fists and chanting 'this is necessary this is necessary'#ive been going way too hard lately. unfortunately#curse this mortal body and its stupid bullshit mechanics that dont even work half the time#gonna cope by eating overly spicy soup and crochet#well no. i cant crochet. ten minutes of that hurts worse than scribbling for eight gay hours#to put it quite simply - but with feeling: FUCK!#absolutely unprompted#howling and sobbing and baying etc etc#i was gonna finish that commission tonight. then i was gonna start on something else i promised Days ago.#maybe get some doodles done for asks.#work on vines part 2.#but it oof ouch too much :/#what the hell am i supposed to do now#fold laundry? clean my room? read? WRITE? ha dont make me laugh#i havent written in 2 months and im not about to start now#(said immediately before screaming into a pillow)#maybe ill like... go through my replies for once... see if people are trying to talk to me...#see if im brave enough to Directly Interact outside of asks...
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i dressed real scene today and some little four year old boys were looking at me like i was so cool and it felt good
#for those who don't know#i'm like a part time scene kid#i listen to a bit of scene tunes now and then and occasionally dress in rainbows and goth shit and kandi beads#its very thrown together handmade cheap shit but thats like the whole spirit of scene so it works#and always the same outfit too rip#because i have like. one outfit per occasion per theme often with intersecting pieces of clothing#because i cant afford more than one outfit per theme because i am multifaceted and desire variety in themes#i do not belong to one subculture which is why i prioritise versatility in clothes and why half my clothes are black XD#i have my scene outfit#my vampire outfit#my witch outfit#my rainbow outfit#my pastel outfit#my sanrio-themed outfit#my butch enby visiting mitre ten fish-themed outfit#and all of them are signified by a signature hawaiian shirt or hoodie
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The face of a lizard grappling with the very real possibility the angry lady with the big sword could see exactly what he's thinking about instead of listening to 90% of the words she says.
#ronan: you can look into my head#but only the past ten minutes#dont look any farther#sometimes he's thinking how how irritating his armor is today#sometimes its opening his mouth and setting her on fire because she's insulting him in some fashion again#sometimes? sometimes it's a certain someones ass in their stupidly tight pants.#someone whos right over his shoulder#ronan has many thoughts and lae'zel is very confused and emotional right now#please dont do a stab to your cleric who keeps you alive and well#she already threatened him like three times in the past half hour. got very mad when he wouldnt kneel to her queen god lady#this was a fun quest#and ronan got the cool OP mace as a reward!#bg3
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i need my fucking caligula ultimate cut dvd. right the fuck now
#mafe a mistake and ordered from that one notoriously slow canadian distributor bc i wanted to preorder and not wait -_-#now its on amazon for like ten dollars less than i paid already#and i have no idea when im gonna get it </3#but i need to see that movie again the original cut is not half as good!#MALCOLMMMMM
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lol i want to fucking die just like i predicted
#everyone jumped me my last couple of free days#friends family professors#i have like 10 ppl and 10 assignments i have to meet/finish in the next... 4 days#yall cannot be real right now#and also i just came back from the worst bday party#i felt so overwhelmed and excluded evem though i knew half of the people there#i wanna cry#and i cant just tell my friends/family oh i dont have time for you lol shouldve texted me earlier#im so bad at saying no like that#at this point i think ill just.. stop coming to my home country for holidays#its starting to always be a fucking nuisanc#e#like im supposed to enjoy my time here not stress about it#if i was abroad at least i wouldnt hwve to think about fitting ten fucking people who feel entitled to my time in my schedule#but alright#my head aches
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the amount of things my brain has inserted hualian into at this point is astounding. tloz. pmmm. ffx. the epic of gilgamesh. More
#in pmmmverse hua cheng is some kind of fucked up sapient witch amalgamation.#also jun wu is kyubey ahahahahaha#in my final fantasy ten brainworld the story gets more changed up than pmmm bc in pmmm is very easy to draw the madoka-xl homura-hc paralle#but anyways hong'er volunteers to be a guardian for summoner princelian's pilgrimage and eventually winds up#becoming a fayth & princelians final aeon; only; something goes very wrong at the last second and xl is not able to go up against sin#his other guardians mu qing and feng xin leave him too:) and in the end he has nothing but hong'ers petrified body and a broken destiny#i want hc to fuse with sin like jecht does in the original game but since xl doesnt fight sin his final aeon never gets summoned to do that#but honestly its in character for hc to defy reason and the laws of reality for his god anyways so#hong'er gets so upset at witnessing his princes fall from grace from beyond the veil he implodes and half summons himself<3#only he looses it a little and ends up exploding the ruins of zanarkand and most of everything else around him and himself#when he tries to rip sin and/or jun wu into little shreds#get it. like the birth of wu ming#anyways in the resulting destruction xianle is presumed dead oh no:( jun wu escapes injured and is like#oh no!!! the battle with sin was fierce.... its so sad that xie lian died and also failed to defeat it.... that was crazy aha anyways#xie lian swears off summoning for a very very long time after that. hes busy roaming the countryside and pretending to cope mostly#he keeps hong'ers stone tablet with him. hong'er/wu ming/hua cheng was never truly summoned and so he sleeps too for a very long time#mmmmmm#i dont have the attention span to type out what happens after that right now but tldr xie lian returns to make a second pilgrimage#and exposes jun wu fuckery AND kills sin once and for all with his bizarre fucked up huge aeon he seems to be able to talk to#final fantasy ten isnt very popular so this probably isnt very comprehensible without context#but thats ok#its for me anyways
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last day of school !!! feels surreal
#ok im excited for summer to start but aughhh#im going to a new school next year and its . its scary bc im gonna have to go by bus all alone#theres people i know in that school and thats gonna be fun !! but i still dont know anyone other than those like three people and its just a#huge change overall and im not used to that kinda changes#like yeah i know i chose to go there myself but . whatever#also ive been in the school im currently in for ten years give or take#and a decade is . a LOT of time at least from my perspective#and i barely just got to push myself and talk to my classmates!!!#these past few months have been funner than the last several years solely bc i was talking to my classmates#now i wont see them again probably :(#idk . its sad#that im not gonna see those people ive spent more than half of my life of again . even if i never talked to them#sighs#ikna talks
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i think the thing that makes me most powerful as an artist is the fact that i have kept copies in some form or another of almost everything i have made since i started and thus whenever the imposter syndrome is hitting i can look at the literal piles of sketchbooks and notebooks and binders i keep the physical copies of my work in and go oh yeah. ive been working at this for like ten years. and then it just goes away.
anyway i absolutely recommend this as a strategy no matter how cringey it might seem keeping visual evidence of skill progression is an incredible tool against imposter syndrome. voice in your head can't tell you you're faking your skills if you can pull out a literal record of your skill growth against it
#even digital stuff like.#keep a file on a physical drive with your shit on it. back it up every once in a while.#google docs is fine but nothing quite beats digging through your files on your laptop and finding something you wrote five years ago#that's maybe not as technically sound as what you can do *now* but still isn't like bad.#legitimately i found a notebook while cleaning last month that was just like.#half of a novel. handwritten in this little composition notebook.#was it *good?* eh! but im also looking at that after yeah like five or six YEARS of practice#and that even beats finding stuff i wrote. like. Actually Legitimately Ten Years Ago#always makes me sad to see younger artists than me declaring theyre gonna delete their stuff cause its embarrassing or cringey#like. ok so what i spent a full two years drawing bad undertale comics with every panel on a new piece of paper.#im going to keep them until i have no choice but to get rid of them which will likely be when *i* die and not a moment before#reminder i need to back up my stuff . wheres my hard drive for that.
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got birthday-spanked at work lads
#yelped loud enough half the production floor turned around kcdmsmdmdm#theres probably a handprint tbh#its been like ten years since ive had my ass touched why now#also dont get me hornty at work that shit aint right
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im watching columbo just to see what all the hype is about and uh i was NOT expecting this lil bumbling old guy to be so damn feral LOL
#mine#columbo: y'see my wife she tells me i need strings on all ten fingers im so forgetful ahaha#criminal: uh yeah haha well i better be going now#columbo: its almost like she'd rather KILL me nowadays huh *gives criminal meaningful look*#criminal: ....... uh huh. 😶#like he just goes STRAIGHT for the jugular i see#when he threatened to harass the lady in the 1st ep to try and get a confession from her i was shooked#like geez old man you sure did a whole 180 from the first half of the ep didnt you LOL
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