#and now it's hard even to be a consumer
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jesus my life is so awfully boring
#i want to have a hobby and read books and write and watch movies and series and go for walks and have fun and be fun#but i don't want any of those things#i just rot and scroll tiktok and occasionally watch letsplays on youtube because my brain finally allowed me to do at least that#i miss the times when i was interested in things#and actively participated in them and had ideas and created stuff (even if it wasn't great)#and now it's hard even to be a consumer#i'm wasting so much time just existing and being there and not doing stuff#and i know i'll regret it so much when i get older and have nothing to look back on#but changing is too hard i guess so i just complain over and over and over instead of doing something about it#oh well#whining for the sake of whining#personal
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I say this in the best way, but your characters feel like they're from an obscure but really good piece of media, and you feel like the artist who always draws the two main characters as ghay lovers
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#that's actually a really flattering thing to hear!#and I get what you mean#every now and then someone mistakes my art as fanart of some piece of media#that they don't recognize but like the art anyway#I wish I had the product to give to you#a graphic novel or a webtoon or a written narrative#I fear there's a hole the shape of the main story in my work#and even though I allude to it and talk about it in the safety of the tags#it's kind of frustrating that you have to piece it together from the scattered bits of lore#instead of reading ~the thing~ digesting it and knowing you have consumed the story in it's intended form#this got a little off track#I think it's so motivating and rewarding that you're interested in my characters to begin with#even in the absence of a proper finalized work of fiction that ties all the art together#answered#anonymous#imagine a reality where they aren't lovers in the canon work but I just ship them really hard#even better if they aren't even the protagonists but some inconsequential side characters#that get two minutes of screen time every other episode and barely ever in the same scene
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ohhh god I think my brain’s broken or somethin cos at the sight of all the goddamn 9hr shift Saturdays and 4.5hr shift Sundays in my near future I legit bawled. Like I don’t DO that ok that is WEIRD for me. I miss having weekends. I should be BEING A TEENAGER ON SATURDAYS not standing in a small space for NINE HOURS
I genuinely think this is gonna be what makes me lose it
#the worst part of it all is that it’s literally been two days. like that is pathetic whhhy can’t I just tough it the fuck out oh my godddd#it ain’t even HARD work I just feel like a caged tiger#and so damn borrred#my boss is real nice tho and quitting would seriously be a dick move#like she bought me a soda…:(#I wish I had a good reason to hate it other than the fact that it’s on weekends and is time consuming#but I don’t#I worked at the stable all summer and I didn’t hate that at all. It was gross and dirty#and I was so sweaty and all my clothes smelled like horse for weeks after and fuck man I didn’t even get paid minimum wage#but I liked it. It was real fun (even when I got zapped by the electric fence!)#but I’m in retail now#and after the first day last week I went home and punched a wall hard enough to get a giant bruise#and after today-the second day-I cried like 5x harder than I did last time I freaked out. Fuck man I prayed even and im not even religious#I think somehow my brain registers boredom as a bigger threat than actual danger holy hell#…jesus I /like/ the job w/ the electric fence but lose it at the cushy one with free soda -_-#yeah no my brain’s definitely not wired right I don’t think#ugh#rambling#personal stuff#whining#delete later#oh yeah and I was right I didn’t work out tonight cos I was miserable.#I mean I jogged a tiny bit but my biceps man…what abt my biceps…:((
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these are all kind of Bad but this was the best of the bunch so i am posting it :p
i've been trying to draw vanessa more... she is so important to me... sun is here too i guess
#my art#probably wont tag this until later i dont want this in the tags#im mainly posting this because i absolutely need to talk abt something its been bothering me for awhile#im gonna censor this stuff (i REALLY dont want this in the tags) so just bear with me#why doesnt the 🌞&🌜 fandom talk abt v/nessa more. why do we not do that#their entire character is meant to parallel her#there's like a million tiny parallels for them in the games. they were both teased in the hw1 dlc and are both associated with that#🐰 & 🌜's animations (and even their designs) have several similarities to each other#there's a lot of cutscenes and parts of sb where one shows up after the other does.. 🐰 going to the daycare after greggy leaves#🌜 dragging feddy away to parts and service and v/nessa immediately showing up there#the entire 6am ending sequence ???#literally like the only reason v/nessa isnt more popular is bc like 90% of her character is hidden in unused content#and because 🌞&🌜 are the skinny handsome mysterious and tragic tumblr sexymen#and when they become so isolated from their source all of their parallels to her are used to instead repackage her character into a more#appealing design for everyone to fawn over and consume#.. im being dramatic but AuUGGHTHHF IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH PLEAAAE3 pleaseee please i love her.#its so hard being in the 'i want to kiss this robot' fandom when you dont actually want to kiss the robot#i just think theyre an interesting character ��� and also my adhd brain obsesses over them endlessly so im just stuck here HFJSJGJD#anyway these tags got way too long dont read these. im going to bed now
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1 out of 4 accelerated summer courses finished today. Next to go is Chem.
#i have not told my friends who are being supportive of me going to college#but i am very behind on chem#pretty much on top of english and psych#mind you the chem isn't hard it's just very time consuming and i work 50 hrs a week overnight#not even by choice on some level there's just literally nobody to work overnights#and It Is Such A Problem my single other coworker keeping nightshift alive at this 24/7 job and i are ... we have rioting to do#but anyways this is largely because i was having troubles with my adhd meds#and then hit the self destructive dread#which is such an odd problem to have when every other part of you is banging on the walls ready to go and kick ass#but so it goes#but i will catch up because i must and i want to and because i must#and because i didn't realize most of the people in my bio class were also going for the nursing program#i love the people on my bio class i'm super excited now#archivist talk#the archivist regrets starting nursing school#the archivist will get through it they just have to whine about it a little first#i was telling the archival assistants (my cats) but frankly one is too busy getting the zoomies and the other is trying to figure out#the best place to lay on me#and i shall not disturb her#my fair lady of orange#okay i work at 7P goodnight
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(240209) dOpamine - KB
#flashing#onlyoneof#kb#shin kyubin#lyonet#kpopstages#kflops#malegroupsnet#* my gifs#nkd.gif#ooo.gif#ooo.kb#okay these are okay quality wise BUT they're also a milestone for me because i figured out gif panning#but i use photopea not photoshop so i had no tutorial just math and stubbornness :P and i'm super excited abt it!!#it's not that hard you just have to calculate how many pixels it takes to reach your start motion to end motion then figure out what#interval to move your frames by. and you have to do it pixel by pixel naturally#but it's really not that hard!! a little time consuming. but now that i know how i'm sure it'll be a little faster in the future#anyways it's bottom left in this set that i panned and honestly i can barely tell so i consider this a WIN#the only reason you can really tell (imo) is because his features blurred a little during the motion and obvs that's kept even if you pan#anyways this footage was 4k but it also sucked a little idk. no i've never touched a ts file in my life i have no access to them and failed#my own searches. but noentheless i'm done rambling. if you read all this hello o/
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We could make Sqq a transformer in his past life. Like optimus prime sorta transformer. Cybertronian.
He'd be the only surviving seeker (winged guy) on the autobots side (I don't know all the canons but I don't think they have, like, any). Pretty young when the war started - unfathomably ancient for humans, the kiddie of the group to them.
And he arrives on earth. Discovers the Internet. Immediately gets hooked on critiquing stupid Web novels in every language, which being a sentient machine he can do at great speed without forgetting anything. Decides to read the final chapter during a battle because he's so close to the end and airplane had better pull SOMETHING good. Is so infuriated (distracted) by the ending he messes up and immediately gets killed by some low level decepticon. After FIVE MILLION years of war he gets offed by some loser over a stupid human story that wasn't even very good. He dies SO furious.
And then he gets reborn a human.
He is, as the kids say, big mad.
How by Primus do they do anything??
#I can't decide if back on earth it's post reveal or not because the revelation that a cybernetic alien soldier was the one being catty in#the comment section of his harem story would break sqh. It'd be so funny if he didn't believe him tho#Sqq trying so hard to blend in when he knows basically nothing about even modern human norms outside of stories and memes#No one can decide if Sqq just has hallucinations or has been possessed by an eldritch monster#Sqq: *under his breath because his thoughts are so hard to hold on to now* I MISS being able to fly myself#Sqq: *drops important items like xiuya because he keeps forgetting he doesn't have hammer space anymore* *heavy sigh*#Sqq: *does a weird twist of his limbs because he can no longer turn into a vehicle* *mortified*#Mqf: shixiong... Is everything alright?#Sqq; who's been trying to air drop his medical information to his hard drive because he's too squeamish to say it out loud: yeah - Yes.#Sqq with great feeling: humans... Are so SOGGY. You're all so SQUISHY and full of all sorts of nasty FUILDS. I have to consume SO much#And all I get is SMELLY#No wonder your species started global warming#Sqh: bro can you not??#He adores lbhs cooking tho.#svsss#shen qingqiu#transformers#scum villain's self saving system#the scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#He's an idiot but he's an incomprehensibly ancient battle hardened 7m tall metal warrior squished into mortal form idiot#He is not picking up the signs lbh is putting down#At least once he figures out human limitations he can be a good strategist again
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gaining a new interest/joining a new fandom is always kind of intimidating it feels like there’s so much you’ve missed out on by not enjoying this thing before so you’re like GRAHHHH got to catch up so I can have peak enjoyment like all the Enjoying This Thing experts around here! which is so silly bc if you enjoy a thing you’re already there but. yknow
#like when I got into hockey I was like studying all the rules and terms and players and team history and stuff#so I could be able to talk with other fans and understand everything#and like when I got into ml and owl house it was like ooh gotta binge watch all the eps#gotta see what the fandom vibes are and read the good kush fics and find a group of friends to brainrot with#and now w zelda it’s like#woof#there are so many games spanning decades!!! and I only have a switch so I can’t even play most of them lol#and the lore is fascinating but sometimes convoluted and confusing lol#bro the timeline. help#it’s just a lot of info and stuff to consume djdjdk#and im brainrotting so hard so part of me wants to find a loz discord server or soemthing l#but I feel like i would not be able to be on equal footing discussion wise bc I have only played a few of the games#it’s cool tho i have one irl friend who’s very excited abt me getting into her fav series haha#and I’m enjoying seeing people’s art and stuff#and making my little doodles#ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ <- me having a good little time being bad at gaming and obsessed with a tragic blond boy yet AGAIN#mine
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i also think it's kinda cool how tyler makes me want to learn stuff
#y'all think i just sit here and reblog pictures of him but no#i started playing uke again after such a long break only because of HIM#i used to be so scared of barre chords that i never even tried to learn them i was just avoiding all the songs with barre chords#then i learned tear in my heart and i stopped being so scared#i figured out all the chords to saturday just from this one video which i thought would be damn hard but it wasn't#he makes it all look so easy#i don't know#he inspires me pretty much every day#i always think to myself: if he can do it i can do it too#i love him so much i can't even explain it#it may sound stupid to you but yes this man is the reason i want to get better at things even if it's gonna take years#one step at a time#i also want to try to learn new stuff#like i painted my jacket and i was never an artist but i had so much fun i am going to make more stuff in the future#i also wanna try to write again (i used to write a lot when i was a teenager) idk idk#tyler joseph the man that you are#i don't think i've ever felt this way about any artist really#i was mostly just consuming the content but now i actually wanna do stuff and idk#if that makes sense#but yeah#but sincerely can you hear me?*
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lies face down on the floor and doesn't get back up again for a few hours
#i'm fucking free.#for non gw2 moots#this is one of the best qol unlocks in the game short of legendary items#it is also EXTREMELY expensive and time consuming#even if you're doing the baby mode iteration of it that i got to do#i had the hard mode version open for over a year and could never force myself to finish it#however all unlocks are account wide so i never have to do this again#and i have a dragon friend#...........now i have to start another grind to get the siege turtle lmao#thank you to the guildies for helping w the grind <3#razolutions
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#is it normal that everyone feels sad and lonely most of the time#i cant imagine it being anything else#even when im surrounded by people or at events i feel disconnected#and is everyone just faking it or do they really love making plans going out#idk why im so nonfunctional it feels like whether or not i start feeling bad when i go out is 50/50#and i tried to join as many things as possible in my earlier years of college but i think it only succeeded in distracting me#and making me tired and sleep deprived and i felt like i was too shallowly involved in each thing bc i was spread too thin#but now ive quit almost everything and im just sad. i get jealous when people have plans and when they have friends. when they just go out#its just so tiring and all i ever want to do is lay in bed. but if i stay in bed i feel sad and guilty about missing out and wasting my life#everything stresses me out so easily. i cant play games bc i get anxious. ordering drinks in front of others makes me anxious. anything new#and i fear my anxiety gotten worse this year for just zero reason#im so tired im never getting better. next year my bf is travelling for over a month and im stuck in classes and busy and job hunting#and about to graduate#and i just know im going to be so lonely and so stressed and so depressed#it just kind of feels like i’ve tried so hard for years to be happier and cope with things healthier but i haven’t gotten anywhere.#perhaps im even worse now because i don’t even draw or consume any media anymore. i just barely work (and struggle the whole time) and sleep#my rambles
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i cant believe i havent posted these yet..... ive been collecting some plushies over a while to represent the guys in my eos team (and lumi) and i thought it would be a fun way to officially christen them by sewing them some lil accessories to match the ones i draw them with!
a few wip pictures below the cut!
#pokemon#pmd eos#pmd 2#mang crafts#<- new tag!#my junk#i was very specific about the plush i wanted to get to represent circuit#i dont like the ones that dont have the electricity around the body.... it doesnt look right#most of these i finished a while back but lumis i did fairly recently!#if ur wondering why the wip shots look so different from the finished ones its bc i used my fancy photography camera for it#(also i had more lights on i suppose dfgjjd)#i was trying to make a somewhat clean looking photo area... idk how well it worked but ah well#i thought mellos was gonna be harder then it was because her leg was so teeny#but the solution just ended up being to fit it very snugly dfgjd#lunas one was by far the most time consuming one to do sweats#because 1) i needed to find a very specific pink and sparkly slightly transparent fabric that i would still sew#(i didnt end up going with any kind of fabric for it its actually a ribbon that i found)#2) while the string i chose looked cool it also got Very tangled so while sewing it i had to unknot it like pretty much every other stitch#3) it is surprisingly hard to find small oval shaped objects (even the one i ended up going with was a bit of a compromise)#i just went into my local sewing store like Help. i need an oval shaped button please#anyways theyre all up on my shelf of pokemon plushies now :] theyre hangin out#team epic squad is real and theyre in my home
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maybe if you find yourself liking AI art all the time and that makes you sad for some reason you just don' t have very good taste in art lol
#.txt#idk I just haven't really found it hard to weed out 'ai' or whatever#because I don't actively follow and reblog art I don't like#like idk I'm tired of artists on here preaching about AI as if its crypto#and everyones jumping through hoops to make ai the same as crypto#'its art theft! Its electronically wasteful! Those are the only things that were wrong with crypto so AI is JUST AS BAD AS CRYPTO!!!!!!'#way to show your ass and demonstrate you have no clue what the actual problem with crypto was#like yeah the art theft and energy waste are bad things but the real issue with crypto was its attempt to economize everything#make everything online a possible area for wealth extraction via spectulative currencies#AI is just... not that#and even the comparisons with theft and energy use are tenuous at best#but why investigate the things you believe when you could go on an outrage fueled crusade against some random tech you don't like#When are we gonna get over it and talk about the actual issues facing artists online? because its not ai#I have not seen a single case where an artist is actively being... taken advantage of by ai?#except in the vague sense of 'I think my art might maybe be in the training set for this... so its stealing from me >:('#I still have yet to see a compelling reason that AI is 'anti art'#aside from reactionary whining about how AI users have a 'lazy corrupt soul' and are evil crooks who want all artists to starve to death#like cmon guys its actually embarassing#im actually BEGGING you if youre reading this to rethink what exactly their problem with AI is and if thats legitimate#because theres a lot of noise out there so you can basically just say whatever you want and find someone whos gonna support it#that fucking '6 cups of water per query' thing? Blatantly untrue and unfounded but now its the standard argument people make cuz its scary#the entirety of a supercomputer does in fact use a lot of water to cool it but AI isnt consuming 100% of the bandwith of those computers#especially not 100% of the time#you can just average the amount of water the computer uses over the average time it takes a query to generate#and then get some random number and claim the query 'used all that water!'#but it didnt and it would be misleading if not an actual lie to say that#additionally training is the only computationally expensive part of AI development#the queries are put through a pre existing model the expensive part is building that model by parsing unfathomable amounts of data#and yeah you can have your problems with super computer water use but its not because of AI#they didnt create these computers just to build AI on theyre fucking supercomputers
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no guys you dont get it itager isnt sweet and tender in the domestic gay lovey dovey way theyre sweet and tender in the BRO way
#im a crazy bitch okay i will be like yes theyre lovey to eachother yes thats true#yes i only get gay and shit for itager bc theyre true love and then see something sappy and gay of them and go THAT AINT RIGHT#im a freak okay im such an asshole about itager bc i think theyre lovey to eachother in a very specific way and all other ways are cringe#me when the only itager i consume is the official goddamn hetalia manga#and them doujins made by corolla that mf was the only person ever who understood them (even if they were misguided and believed in gerita)#i like to think in my heart of hearts corolla knew the truth it was just the wrong time.#like how i know bill and ted wouldve loved touhou koishi song its just they were born in the wrong era#but yeah like germany and italy are gay in that BRO way like. its hard to describe but its not gay its more like.... friendship adjacent#like when you deeply care about your bro and act gay with them in that way they arent about that silently looks at the moonlight shit#they look at the moonlight and italy goes 'germany is right now a good time to tell you i fucked your car again' and germany goes 'What.'#ITS A BETTER AND MORE AWEZOME FORM OF LOVE IN MY HUMBLEST OF OPINIONS.... I PERSONALLY PREFER IT#its domestic in the way of having your average daily life of dicking around with your bros and throwing grenades in cars n shit#instead of domestic settling down and being all serious and sappy all the time#its lovey dovey in the way of being like AHAHA IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!!! yeah bro... i really like you too *hug* im glad youre in my life#i just think thats so much more swag because settling down just does not sit right for me#i think settling down sucks tf you mean theres no more adventures and always sunny shit?#i think fruk can get into that settling down domestic shit but im a firm believer itager cant#because their entire dynamic hinges upon italy coming in and making germanys boring ass lonely life fun by ruining it everyday#its not itager if they arent grabbing eachothers balls and acting like bros#ive said this to wiener but its the itager itapan juxisposition#itapan (japans onesided crush ofc) is great because they act gay but are just bros#and itager is great because they act like bros but are gay#idk its hard to explain the nuances of it all but just trust me when i say canon content and corollas sfw doujins are the only true itager#content#robooty asshole moment sorry guys somethings wrong with me#robooty kun
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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Might be a hot take but a major character’s death is really only as good as the weight and the treatment that the narrative gives it. Sure, any author has the ability to write death as they see fit. But whether the consumer (of any given form of media) is actually able to emotionally connect and resonate with the departure of someone who has occupied a good chunk of narrative space very heavily depends on how it’s treated within the story. If it’s a major character, the narrative needs enough built-in breathing space. As in, the consumer doesn’t have to fill in the blanks as to how the death impacted the plot or the remaining characters. Let the narrative do that for them, and that would actually allow the consumer to better react and relate to that major death (sadness, anger, joy, etc). Allow the rest of the characters (who were impacted by the deceased) to react to their parting. Let them engage with the death in a manner that helps justify the character’s inclusion in the narrative to begin with. Make it clear how the character’s life and (especially) their death relate to the larger themes of the story. Because most consumers aren’t stupid. We don’t want our hands held at every waking moment, but we also don’t want our investment in a story to be insulted just for the sake of a cheap shock. Give us time to breathe and grieve. And respect that we have put in a lot of emotional investment in a story and its characters, and we deserve to have that acknowledged.
#recent developments in a very popular ip have forced me to think about how creators treat the deaths of major or main characters#and the discourse of ~ohh we don’t need to see every single thing~ has got me thinking#like sure we don’t need to be spoon fed everything but consumers have varying emotional investments depending on the characters#a side character it’s passable if we don’t get any fanfare but a MAIN???#we’ve invested so much into their journey and the themes in their arcs and how they affect the world around them#is it too bad to want that to be actually acknowledged by & within the narrative?#so that whole thing got me to think about main characters whose deaths were well done in fiction#ned stark imo is a really good one because the immediate payoff of his death is the start of the wot5k and long term effect was#that the stark kids now had to fill in their father’s shoes and rise and become leaders in their own right and while we still have twow an#ados we can also tell as shown in adwd that the long term effect of Ned’s legacy is that house stark will be preserved even when it’s on th#brink of extinction#so that’s a well done imo because we also see throughout 4 books just how much his death meant to the kids#his death hurts because we see how his kids are hurting - jon arya sansa bran are GOING THROUGH IT AND IT HURTS!#I’d argue MCU did a pretty good job of showing tony’s everlasting legacy after his death and they did that through Peter who was the proteg#we can love and grieve for tony though peter whom we love and have come to relate to so Tony’s death has a lot of narrative weight#and how it’s handled is satisfying even though we’re hurt that he’s gone#same with sirius and dumbledore in HP - sirius’ especially hits sooo hard because Harry goes absolutely apeshit in ootp and then has to#pick up the pieces in hbp + dumbledore’s life and death is given quite a good amount of narrative space for both harry and the reader#the recent developments in jjk have me worried that a certain someone’s departure won’t be given the narrative weight it deserves#and part of that is gege’s pacing being wonky because oops it’s another big fight that will take god knows how many chapters idk#I’ll wait and see but as of right now….i feel like fan complaints about it shouldn’t be brushed aside because they’re super valid 😕#asoiaf#harry potter#jujutsu kaisen#mcu#marvel#comics#manga
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