#and now it's going to take longer to fix
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The total number of visits Tumblr.com received during January 2021 is 327 million.
Text
at this point my doctor’s ‘’chill’’ demeanor is becoming a fucking problem
#i have chronic iron issues#i have to get my levels checked regularly#at my last check my levels were low so my doctor told me to take supplements#which would be fine except that i don't absorb supplements and she knows that#''eh just try and we'll see what happens'' i was told#what happened is that my ferritin level dropped to a fucking 2 and i am so ill i'm basically non functional#and now it's going to take longer to fix#i get that as a canadian i'm not allowed to complain about healthcare where americans can see it without risking being piled on#but canadian healthcare fucking sucks#it was borderline negligent before the pandemic collapsed the system#you go to your doctor and say ''something's wrong''#and they say ''here's a band aid if you don't die it wasn't serious if you do die it was that's pretty much all we're willing to do''#now you don't even get the fucking band aid#you get sick and you go to your doctor or the emergency room and you wait hours and days and months#and they look at you for five seconds and go ''oh damn this is bad lol thoughts and prayers off you go''#a thirty seven year old woman died in a nova scotia emergency room on new year's after waiting seven hours#she was in excruciating pain and kept telling her husband ''i think i'm dying'' and they kept brushing her off#she died slow and scared and in pain after lying on the dirty floor of an emergency room#she was essentially tortured to death and left behind children and a husband who had to sit there and watch her die like that#and it was completely preventable#and it will happen again in this country#it's probably happening somewhere right now#anyway now i get to go fight for the infusions i should have gotten months ago while i'm so ill i can't stand for longer than a few minutes#end rant#personal
1 note
·
View note
Text
A Gaggle of Masks
#slay the princess#stp#stp long quiet#stp opportunist#stp cold#stp smitten#my art#fanart#Was a long to coming but I finally have Slay the Princess!!!#I have about 19 hours in as time of writing hehe#Shown here is my interpretation of how the various voice work#They're mask similar to ones used for plays & theater#With the Long Quiet not being about to quite transform it's body forms temporary fleshy masks for each voice#But of course they're just that; masks; there's no true change to Long Quiet#And once the Long Quiet takes proper look at himself in the mirror the voices cease#They can no longer speak#Design wise these are very much in the workshopping phase and I might go back and fix thing up here and there#BUT#For now I really do like what I have for the Opportunist#Though that may be because I already really look in-game design hehe#Sigh there's no much design potential for this game I hope I'll survive my swim in boundless ideas
194 notes
·
View notes
Text
riz wip 👍
#fugo.txt#tem is just a placeholder ill fix him up later#beastars#riz beastars#i think its looking good so far. been working on it for some time now#long way to go tho#i like longer projects anyways. its more accomplishing than shorter ones#i think this is a record tho lol this is gonna take a while i am not even halfway there
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
vocaloid song showdown bracket (masterpost)
hi happy miku day <3 <3 <3 i didn't mean to take so long to get the bracket arrangement up but if it has to be late what better day to upload them than 3/9 :'D
anyway here are the lineups ^^ (formally done this time)
round one is scheduled to start this sunday on march 12th <3
(all links are in the read more since there are a lot of them)
rounds ::
all rounds to be posted
playlists ::
nominated songs bracket songs honorable mentions poll runner's favorites (to be posted after the polls to prevent bias)
main matchups :: (spaced by era)
songs with a * next to them may focus on and/or contain topics that might be upsetting to some. please proceed with caution. please feel free to reach out if you'd like more specific warnings. - alice of human sacrifice* by yugami p / fear garden* by chaa - magnet by minato p / romeo and cinderella by doriko - world is mine by ryo / world's end dancehall by wowaka - triple baka by lamaze p / the disappearance of hatsune miku by cosmo p - meltdown by iroha(sasaki) / luka luka★night fever by samfree - fire◎flower by halyosy / trick and treat by oster project - daughter of evil by mothy / dancing★samurai by kanimiso p - rolling girl by wowaka / matryoshka by hachi - madness of duke venomania* by mothy / alluring secret ~black vow~ by hitoshizuku x yama - senbonzakura by kurousa / outer science by jin - doubleganger by kulfiq / mikusabbath by utsu p - jinsei reset button by kemu / common world domination by pinnochio p - the fox's wedding* by masa works design / tokio funka by takamatt - heat haze days* by jin / patchwork staccato by toa - six trillion years and an overnight story by kemu / lost one's weeping by neru - aishite aishite aishite by kikuo / echo by crusher p - setsuna drive by taki yoshimitsu / yoake to hotatu by n buna - a fake fake psychotropic by kairiki bear / therefore you and me by tadanoco - my r* by kurage p / i'm glad youre evil too by pinnochio p - chururira chururira dadada by kurage p / mkdr by deco*27 - blessed messiah and the tower of ai by hitoshizuku x yama / 86 by dasu - law evading rock by neru / nakakapagpabagabag by dasu - sand planet by hachi / ghost rule by deco*27 - monster by kira / hated by life itself by iori kanzaki - cause i'm a liar by mcki robyns p / honey i'm home by ghost - hole dwelling by kikuo / bring it on by giga - meteor by divela / seraphim on the ring by mitchie m - the court jester by thquib / casino by azari - king by kanaria / villain by teniwoha - lower by lanndo / phony by tsumiki - higanbana milk tea by vane / scapegoat by ghost - queen by kanaria / bug by kairiki bear
honorable mentions matchups ::
electric angel by yasuo p (original), giga (giga arrange) / freely tomorrow by mitchie m po pi po by lamaze p / go google it by wintermint p black★rock shooter by ryo / bacterial contamination by kanimiso p i like you, i love you by gevanni p / first love academy • school of true love by nem
#vocaloid song showdown#masterpost#it took a whole lot longer than i thought or meant for it to take but the masterlist is up now !!#one step closer to the polls going up :D#for real for real this time djfgd#i told a friend id watch jjba w him so not a lot of time for rambling today unfortunately though#anyway i'm not fully sure if all the links here lead to the official upload ????#but i'll make sure to double check and fix any that don't before i head to sleep ( ^^)b#also sorry about my handwriting kjsdh i hope it's legible :'D
76 notes
·
View notes
Text
what if?
and i mean what if
i just got my ass out of the chair
got dressed
put the clothes out to dry outside
and did something?
what if?
huh?
what if
#why does this seem like a poem? LOL#and i need to got to my 'sister's' place to take care of her dog after lunch#because she has to go to work and the dog is a ball full of anxiety and can't be alone for too long#so i should try to get something done around the house before i go#and the longer i take to put the clothes outside the more i'm wasting time and then the clothes won't dry properly#why am i like this#why aren't the meds a fix all#why can't i just do things#why must i hate myself like this lol#i'm just bitching dont worry#i'm going to get my ass up right now#ig i just needed to say it to do it#i'm breathing i'm doing it#cool#mine#ig i'll tag it as one of my poems hahaha#might as well make something out of nothing#my poems
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
gonna watch turkey 2020 to feel something
#god that race in engraved in my memory. waking up at the ass crack of dawn to watch it. seeing lewis win#seeing seb join him up there. enjoying formula one.#idk man going to the race always makes me nostalgic cause of course i wanna feel what i first felt when i fell in love with the sport#and like! i just watched some old videos i made and i wanna make videos again and yada yada yada#maybe i'll watch something from 2009. idk. just need something ya know and i know an old race would fix me#cause like. i watched the danke seb video. i watched the jenson world champion video. i watched the lewis fan cam.#idk maybe it was cause i was also learning how to create videos that also made that process so exciting#not to say it's not fun now but its like. idk. i know how to do it so i'm going through the motions almost? which takes the fun out of it#whereas before i really got to stretch my creativity with the videos and now! i even try it for different series and sports#anyway. i forgot that i made an outro for 2021 and did a full directors cut on it so that i forgot the atrocities at the end of the season#also! forgot george was in williams in 2021. i feel like he's been with merc for much longer than just three seasons (counting this one)#anyway. its a good video. i like editing. wish i could do it more (quit telling people i'm dead!)#it's been a while since i've rambled on this blog so woe! motorsports nostalgia be upon ye#i'm rambling again aren't i?
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Summer has been over and winter is here. Yes. I swear the weather just decided to skip autumn and jump straight to winter (I’m judging this by how cold my hands have been)
Anyway, classes have started and this academic year is going to be… fun/sar. I’m going to be more inactive than usual to focus on my classes so yeah.
Sip some hot chocolate and do some Jason Todd fanart for meeee *cries*
#life update I guess#No seriously the only reason I know it’s autumn is because there are leaves on the ground#but the temperature says otherwise#Like it sounds stupid because ofc it’s getting colder but damn I thought it would take a little longer#Deadass had no heating in my room for a few days too rip but I fixed that yayy#Can’t wait for the next break but knowing the education system I’ll still have tonnes to do before going back#I’m going to have hot chocolate now#red rambles
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
feeling inadequate about my writing tonight
#i don’t really have anywhere else 2 say this#been knocking into way too many cans of gas on bridges yknow and now the only bridges i have left r the spaces that r not doing me too well#admittedly.#it’s more of a me problem#do u know how hard it is to watch people ur age get supported by your friend groups when the only time you’re given the support is when you#claw and scream and beg for it. and even then#im back to not feeling 2 great about my writing#i know their writing is better than mine and that’s fine#it’s not fine but it’s fine . i can cope#i want to believe my writings decent so bad but the only people who read it r my best friend and some girl i met a few weeks ago#if my own friends can’t even fucking try to read it without me crying and begging them too then how is a large scale audience supposed to#if the people who love me and know how important my writing is to me can read it#how are complete strangers supposed to take that gamble#too saturated of a market and im not bringing anything 2 it#starting to think i should just do barrendejng or copywriting or whatever#the people I know are the same ages as me but they’re miles ahead of where I am and I’ve been writing for longer#i don’t think I’m getting better than this.#writing is all I have and I’m so mediocre about it#is it so hard to be asked to be understood and seen. Jesus Christ#ignore this if uve read it. ik shat advice I’m gonna get and its not gonna make feel any better#i just want to give up sometimes.#Anthony’s tumblr adventure#Anthony’s venting arc#there we go. a tag so anyone who follows me on here can block it#venting#that 2#while I’m here#I wish I knew someone like me.#could fix me maybe idk at least I could feel seen and understood by more than one person#begging. please.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.
#purrs#longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing#and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how#deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is#to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is#being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten#alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can#one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the#most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably#i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this#delete later#i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting#people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself#and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i#feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk.#also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental#illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt#feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant#i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that#and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
wip as an excuse to show her off because she's cute to me but also so i can rant in the tags about The Malfunctions I Am Experiencing During This Piece
#god dude my fucking. god#ok so this piece is taking at least 2.5 times longer (if not more!!) than it should because my tablet's pressure sensitivity keeps going#haywire for unknown reasons. and to fix it i gotta plug it in and take it out and plug it in etc etc several times until it gives me#pressure sensitivity again for like 4 lines. otherwise it's all fucked up. it's not even zero pressure either it's spotty. what the hellll#skrunkart#please let this not be another goromi wip i never finish because for some reason it's always her </3#i'm so sorry baby you're just too much woman for me to handle :(( (<- ambition fueled by love but which doesn't match current ability)#she just gets that more than anyone else unfortunately#anyway i should probably look into solutions for this because wow it's annoying#it's not a new problem it's just super noticable with this because i'm also taking way longer bc i'm trying weighted lineart again#which i used to do more and which fucks!! it's really good!! i just don't do it bc i tend to use rougher pencil-y lineart now#but the smooth is fun and i'm doing it now yippee#OR IT WOULD BE FUN. IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE HORRORS.#anyway. yeah#and i am already very slow at digital art!!!! so this is not good!!!!#augh. for goromi...
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay facing consequences of my actions
#I thought I’d gotten away with it this time#okay it’s 3am and I may have discovered something that completely ruins me#everyone is asleep so I can’t tell if this is me being sleep deprived or not!#so I need to sleep now but I haven’t cleaned my code up or written my answers#I do Not have time#if I don’t sleep now I’m gonna be having a bad time tomorrow morning and I am significantly less productive rn than I could be#with other people around I kinda need that y#so I should go to bed. but also. this code needs cleaning. but also. even if I fall asleep now I’m only getting like 5 hours MAX#I need a good few hours tomorrow morning to have a shot at doing this properly#so it would be more useful to sleep now and wake up as early as possible than keep going tonight bc I’m not going to finish tonight#okay. fuck. I hate this#if I could think straight I’d be able to fix this easy which is probably a good reason to sleep#it’s just an annoying logical problem that I gotta follow through bc currently I’m stuck between three possibilities and there might be more#I have these two rasters and I gotta calculate the area overlap#the first method counts the number of presence points in each (probably) and then counts the number in overlap raster w manually set values#the second counts total predicted points and points where they’re predicted to be alone and does a calculation with that for each species#that one with all points from both species + pseudoabsence. vs method 3 which does that with just individual species coordinates#method 1&2 are now homologous now I JUST caught the logical error but method 3 is what he gave us#but actually he might have fucked up in not including pseudoabsence#i don’t know if method 3 works for two different species either honestly#it gives me results I like much more (my overlap is 100% for one of the species and that shoooouldnt rlly happen even if it’s possible) but#I think it might actually just be wrong because it can’t account for#wait so the line is taking the prediction for all coordinates for each species for each species’ initial coordinates. and not pseudoabsence#and that set of predictions for each species coordinate set is then taken and yeah it’s no longer comparable you can’t count each alone#not with two different species bc you need an overlapping dataset to do that OKAY I have solved that logical problem my initial method works#which is annoying bc the result sucks but whatever I checked the rasters and it’s actually identical so#okay now I’ve figured that out. twenty minutes later. sleep I think it’ll help most#luke.txt
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i LOST my unopened birth control and i've been panicking ever since realizing that (last night)
i was going to call the pharmacy and ask if they had any way of filling another one so that i could be still taking my pills while searching for it, even if i have to pay for it without insurance, but they're closed today
#I've been in agony for a week#because. i felt like my hormones needed a reset. i was seeing the signs.#and normally I skip the placebo pills and just don't bleed at all#but I took the week of placebo pills.#which finished Thursday night#and to be fair. the reasons why I took the placebo pills are now fixed. it did it. it reset my body. that's good.#but on the other hand. I have been in incredible pain this last week. because that's the reason why I take the pills in the first place#i'm.... panicked a little bit#I don't want to be in pain any longer. trying to be calm and remind myself that I can get through this with Advil and wait it out#and I'm going to be cleaning... everything. and searching for where the pills could have gone#but what if I don't find them. and what if the pharmacy can't give me a refill even when it opens#augh
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m panicking about my health, my car, school, my future, my relationships with ppl, about my entire life rn p much
#bumbles (bee mumbles)#as much as i hated my dad i did feel a certain amount of security when i could rely on him for the few things i could#he was like a car necromancer#it would function but just kinda barely zombie like vers#and now that he’s passed almost all at once all the cars and things he’s fixed up are breaking#like he infused his soul into them and they no longer has his ecto goop to hold it together#i’ve been ignoring my health problems bc i really hate going to the dr#idk maybe it’s bc i’m fat but they always dismiss my problems and i really am not mentally strong enough to advocate for myself#i tell them i’m in pain and something is wrong and they do maybe two tests and say we can’t find anything bye#and so i just feel like an idiot for going#bc obviously i’m just making a big deal out of nothing#i don’t want to be doing school this semester after last semester i ended up in urgent care twice bc my stress got to my body so hard#i’m taking less classes/more classes i’m actually interested in#but i feel like i’m gonna fall apart horribly again and i just transferred and feel so aimless#but i also feel extremely obligated to go bc that was the last thing my dad wanted from me before he passed#i feel so fucking stupid his death has effected me so bad he was an abusive monster#i feel so disconnected from my sisters that i was super close with#i fee like i’m talking to a wall of past interactions and neither of us can see who we currently are#i feel like i can’t connect to the ppl around me#i’ve been disassociating too often i accidentally keep checking out which is pissing ppl off#i’m so tired and fatigued and depressed that ppl can’t really rely on my and i fee useless and like a drain#plus i just feel so scared all the time recently like all the worst case scenarios are plaguing me#like scared my car is going to explode or my cat is going to have a heart attack or ppl died while traveling or some freak accident
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
like due to the new photo editor i am Definitely quitting making episode gifsets like that will make it impossible :/
#it requires shuffling and editing and swapping out gifs#you literally can't do that properly any more at all lol#like if you try and add another file it adds it as a part of a text post#not a photo file#so u can't just. forget a gif and go back and add it lol#u have to entirely redo the post#and it takes longer to upload by A Lot#and it's harder to arrange them by far#like i am not putting myself through that shit#literally every Other part of the new post editor is fine... for every other type of post it's great!!#for photo files it's literally 5 steps backwards#the real kicker is they ASKED people to point out why they didn't like the new post editor if they didn't use it yet#on their blog#i listed. Every. Single. Bug. In. The. Photo. Editor.#what did they not do shit to fix?? hmmmm guess#i wasn't weird abt it either i even said i Like the other parts just that one was bad#meanwhile the activity page is now different#i cannot yet tell if it's worse or it it's just not what i'm used to#or if it's confusing bc mobile is still using the old system and i'm swapping between them#but either way#the posting system should be the top priority#and i'm not even being weird abt quality when uploaded. not even got that far yet.#what's the point if u can barely upload at all???
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
The original thing I'm brewing rn is like: Do you wish your romance novel was written by an aromantic asexual who views love as something to strap on a vivisection table? Do you wish your romance novel included themes of identity formation and crisis, of emerging self-governing and the fear and the thrill of it, o being built wrong through none of your own fault and having to adjust that wrongness into a functioning human identity, of the first experience of ever being loved after a long existence of blind worship, of love as a transformative power, as a corruptive power? Do you wish the guy was the sub?
#lucy blabs#im like ehehhe my lil barbie dolls they are so romantic they flirt they dance~#imagine living as a tool without autonomy for your entire existance#decades and centuries of it#worshiping blindly because you were made to do so#executing your order because you were made to do so#your body surrender your will non existent modified and adjusted to whims of an unfeeling uncaring god that never saw you as anything more#than a tool on his workbench#imagine being created for one purpose only to be modified for something completely different uncaringly sloppily so#leaving you as something you can no longer recognize something that you were never supposed to be#imagine if your god died then there would be no going back no fixing you no changing this cage of a body you are trapped in#you are alone you are on your own you are growing a will growing a personality you are no longer a toy on the shelf#and you know what has been done to you you are realizing it now#the pain that you had brought the pain that has been brought on you all the things you now have to live with and an understanding of what#they mean#but your god is dead and you cant even rebel against him cant even wreak havoc on his doorstep can take no revenge for yourself or those#who had not lived through the madness and the pain to see this other side of the suffering#you are a tool turned human and you are only learning to exist and existence is helplessness and hatred and injustice#and you are a being used to worship but not to love tools are made to be useful not to be loved and you had never felt a kind hand before#and then someone loves you for the first time ever someone loves you and its a toxin its a drug and you would do anything for them#it doesnt matter what they do or who they are it doesnt matter who they kill or harm#they love you and you are a being used to worship and the only way you know how to love is to throw yourself on an altar#and rip your heart out for consumption#<3 and then they kiss <3
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
do you remember how we talked about how our mutual friend was exhausting to be around because she would constantly say 'I want to die', 'I want to kill myself', etc?
congrats on becoming that friend now
#venting#do you know how exhausting it is to have a conversation with you?#i love and care about you and i am on my hands and knees begging you to get help#nothing is ever good. there are no positives for you. it feels like youre making a point to be a negative nancy#i cannot emphasize enough how i understand why its hard to get help#but i cant take it anymore#this is exhausting trying to have a productive conversation about anything#im so tired man#we're now marking over a year of this and having it become severe in the last six months#i dont want to distance myself from you but i may have to disengage because its affecting my life#my anxiety feels out of control regarding you and my own hopes for future activities feels bleak#ive wanted to hurt myself because it feels like im trying to fix a black hole of negatively and hopelessness#and have nowhere to go with that feeling#ive been told by multiple people that i should distance myself but i cant can i? who the fuck else is going to know whats going on?#i hate being in this position i hate this im so tired#i dont want you to die that would make things so much worse#i want you to get help#if you take this as a reason to kill yourself so you're no longer a burden you're missing the point#it would release the burden if you took care of yourself and got other resources on board#do you know how much worse it would be if you died?#that would make things worse for everyone not just me#i don't know
0 notes