#and now im fkn depressed

[ugliestfawn]

it isnt even fun to "remake" the blogs i used to have bc the archives for several years are gone and what if these ones just get nuked as well???? but how do i cope w my miserable reality if i cant be chronically online (on tumblr... twitter isnt fun anymore and hasnt been in a year bc im not part of any fandom. and my twitter account i loved a lot... also got termed.. worlds most hated and im not even spreading hate (only venting complaints) and being cruel to others like ... is the solution to not just say anything ever online...... but my pinterest account also got termed bc i pinned art stuff i had no idea wasnt the pinners own??? like whaaaa)

[skitskatdacat63]

Sobbing crying punching the wall, what is this negative evolution

[ajax-mew]

when i back in uni

me think

i do uni updates again

[straycalamities]

stares into the night....... i started entre’s mainverse blog over 11 years ago...

[theodore-lasso]

.

[izzy-b-hands]

ooh I've got amusement park stuff on the brain now

Shane and Ryan's multiple videos of eating food at Knott's Berry Farm but it's the crew of the revenge (izzy films. he wants to try most of it, but also doesn't want to die via his gut, so he gets the blander versions of most of it (a mood bc i usually have to do the same))

Ed is gonna be the most successful at helping finish everything off, but that's partially bc he's indulging his inner foodie and also his mum drilled into him not to waste food like. ever (hello am i projecting onto ed a bit again), so he will not stop until he's on the edge of Too Full

I feel like there's a few other wildcard moments i could put in this tho:

Roach is a skinny lad but he's a cook and he's got rich, fun food in front of him he didn't have to cook. He's eating until you have to carry him out (like the hero he is for ingesting possibly more boysenberry products than any human in known history)

Buttons is actually quite demure abt it all. Treats it like a tasting menu and is writing down reviews that Stede nerds out over

For the ridiculously long hot dog that almost requires a person eating from each end:

Hot dog 1: Ed and Stede, with both of them getting the giggles until it's gone

Hot dog 2: Olu and Jim, with a bet going on who reaches the middle first (they meet there on purpose so they can kiss on the last bite but they don't tell anyone that)

Hot dog 3: Frenchie and The Swede. Both end up feeling sick by a third of the way, and Ed and Roach generously offer to help finish theirs off. Also while getting the giggles the entire time.

Hot dog 4, aka the point when Izzy mentions they still have other menu items to try, everyone please remember that: Stede and Izzy, after being reassured by the concession worker of the ingredients and offered gut meds for after (stede heard ppl bring medical stuff with them to long theme park days, so naturally he has a kit big enough that he couldn't actually haul the whole thing with them from the van.) They say they aren't enjoying it. It's weird, Ed. But they don't stop, and it gets oddly tense and quiet until Frenchie jokes that they'll kiss at the end.

They end up like those two bunnies fighting over food, trying to avoid each other, only to end up kissing perfectly, stunned, until Ed gently asks if they want to go on a roller coaster (absolutely not ed! we just ate! we're old! we'll die! to which Ed lovingly rolls his eyes until After The Coaster reveals he is no longer 19 and able to do that without being sick.)

Also god there was that. huge platter that came on like three plates in the second vid

I like to imagine that's where everyone starts to begrudgingly admit defeat, before going to nap it off in the car and finally heading home (roach and ed and izzy ask abt a McDonald's run on the way, befuddling everyone, tho izzy notes he didn't even eat that much before, so-)

[shiftperception]

Im gonna be so honest Ive almost sent a 'Hey have you considered looking up plurality?' ask a few times based on a few of the posts youve made bc they sounded a Looot like things we used to think before realizing we were plural. (Down to the Not wanting to step on plural terms) Sorry if thats a weird thing to say, I wouldnt say anything and mind my own business but back when we were questioning I think it would have helped if someone had said anything to us. Wishing you luck on finding terms that work for you👍👍 -🦊

loool they have had me looking some stuff up lately, tho not extensively. some descriptions of plurality feel familiar to me because of the guys in my head™️, while at the same time there are a lot of things that make me think it couldn’t count. namely how On Purpose it is/was and how the switching povs mechanic is something I added very recently, like a year or two ago. Before that it was only my self insert and one guy, and I only ever ‘played as’ the self insert. Only after ‘swapping’ to said guy did I consider adding more, and still only three are ‘playable’ rn.

Tbh it’s the guy I first swapped to and how real his particular character feels that weirds me out. I’ve had him for years so it’s not that surprising- but I had the self insert longer and thought of her as some cheesy true inner self. Went by her name in my head and everything. Even she feels more like a traditional oc I can overhaul and modify from outside compared to him, who I swear feels like a living entity sometimes. at least in a figurative sense. I might never understand it.

Tho I’ve never been big on inserting myself into communities in general, so I’ll probly stick to my own terms. Definitely never escaping “who’s on first” lmao

[hauntedotherworld]

SINCE stopping sertraline 2?? i think ? weeks ago Zi FEEL SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER

I keep laughing so hard and i can smile again and i have energy again n stuffs fun again

THEYRE A LIE i swear

never NEVER AGAIN. idc if ppl dont like my true self that isnt a med zombie- its not insane its just me ! id rather be chaotic and happy and in a crZy state then be depressed boring sad ghost

[4ddi3addie2005]

THE NEW CHAPTER IS SO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVGDFCHBVKDSVBKHFBJLSVBJLSSJLVBSLJBVLS🦅🦅🦅🦅💥💥💥💥 GOOD FKN SOUP IM DEVOURING IT RN it might be my fav chapter thus far........It has elements of The horrors tm and scenes that make me kick my feet in delight GODDDDDD🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 AAAAnd as usual I have some new silly doodles that I've got (Sadly I cant draw fast enough to finish my fan art for this chapter BUTIMWORKINGONSMT). I do have the RGB reader designs that I mainly use so that other fans could (maybe....just maybe...) mold their reader/player into whatever they want but I DO have a design that caters to my fav design tropes...

ALSOALSO- I've got a folder righttt 👉here where I'll compile some more sketches (and the animation with the right sync good gracious me-) so that I dont BOMBARD you with 50plus images.

the last "AGAIN"- THE CHAPTER WAS SO SCRUMPTIOSSSSSSS- KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you I'm so glad you love it!! 🦅💥 (Nonsense emojis are becoming a habit I have to stoppp...)

It's so funny you said that cuz I have a Doc called "kicking my feet blushing giggleinf" that I use to jot down the "fluffy" moments when the inspiration worms hit x0

And take your time with the art gurl!! What you've already done is amazing!! The most important thing is that it's fun and engaging for you,, no pressure 🫶

Those RGB designs are a banger btw they have so much personality!! I forgot to mention I loved the color scheme of your animation. I'm a sucker for some super saturated RGB...

OKAY now I'm gonna gush abt your art >:o] I love your insert she's too spunky!! She looks so done w him LOL. Also your style is delightful and fun!! I love your habit of drawing ppl with tired eyes and no mouth. It speaks to me.

The “You look lonely” piece is gorgeous btw :) He’s so shinyyy,, Insert looks tireddd. I know it’s the meme format or whatevah but I would be too.

I hope you don’t mind me sharing screenshots? Just let me know :o) I’m abt to holler abt some sketches.

THESE!! These made me so soft oml. I know in my heart he feels like a Squishmallow or whatever those fat chibi stuffed animals are.

DRIP KINITO 🔥🔥🔥 I giggled. Also baseball Kinito is canon now. To me. I just KNOW he picks up random human sports and tries his darndest to play them with only two people. (Reader cheering him on and also looking thoroughly depressed is so real LMAO)

I think that's all I have in my heart for now... TY for this plethora of art you went above and beyond <3

BTW I’m gonna provide a pic of the players here for easy viewing cuz they’re cool as freak 💯🐊

EDIT: I am so glad!! You love my fic!! I heart U!!

[wildpeachfarm]

Being a normal dream stan that went thru multiple apocalypses builds CHARACTER let me tell you

Im so fkn critical of any and all hate trains and i research as much as i can before i make a desicion compared to even 5 years ago where i took people by their word LMAO yeah sure i guess this creator is a p word oh no seems like they fell into auch a horrible depression that they completely removed themselfs from the internet oh what do you mean it was a targeted attack and they were innocent all along? Man but i trusted this random user with 300notes on their callout post 😔

Teenage me was WILD 😭

we all have some decent knowledge of legal shit now too😭💀

[inconsideratekidney]

9/24 /24

sorry for being mia🫣🫣 i am so back now.

hello everyone, what is your favorite way to eat root vegetables?

anyway, here i am typing this out with my sprained thumb in a damn ace bandage because i owe myself and yall a blog. i owe myself a breakdown of previous life happenings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

still think about my uncle often, still have random memories of what he looked like, how he sounded and then my reality and his hits me like a truck and i have to unconsciously shove those inital memories into the deep abyss of my mind. i had a reslly rough night sunday night. filled with frequent awakenings and an awful nightmare about a self driving uber ride where some giant head like the one in the bones mines in stardew valley (i forget the name) coming at me asking if i was enjoying/happy with my uber ride? freaky shit, i cant even remember fully cuz it was 2 nights ago. stress and anxiety are my biggest opps rn. along with that damn money taking the wheel all the time. fuck that guy. i wish bananas would satisfy him, but he needs my failures and unsuccessfulness to feed him apparently.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

every day i feel more and more like i am in a world made for people whose brains do what they want them to do and my brain is like a fish spinning around to daft punk under disco lights 24/7. i cant turn the music off bc i like the music, but the music also turns on by itself at unnecessary times like when my sims autonomously run to the damn computer at fkn 4AM. then they still complain when they piss themselves cuz they didnt go when i told them to smh.

speaking of having an obsession and possibly being autistic, i just bought 3 new packs for the sims 4 cuz they were on sale but i still dont feel good about anything. im so happy when i build for like 3 hours, but hate myself when i have to do 3 giant assignments in the next night bc i procrastinated them all. i also havent been reading my schedule lately...im due for a depressive rock bottom if i havent hit it already. have to convince myself to get out of this one sooner rather than later cuz i have too much damn responsibility. i dont even wanna get started on how nervous i am about this election. whatever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i will give yall a cliffhanger for now since i am going to go change for hip hop. catch yall on the flip side. ciaooo.

kD💬

[lundenloves]

i have no clue what your flavour of music is but i present you with mY mix of music, good luck lunden, i love u no matter what

pussy pop:

Chappell Roan's pink pony club, good luck babe, naked in manhattan... all bops, all FUCKING BOPS. anything by her. BOP. she is the definition of girly pop slay queen ok i am SORRY

When I Rule The World by Liz saw it on a bimbo playlist that's it, sold. slap it on the fridge. frame it. telling my mother about it.

Please Please Please by Sabrina Carptenderein in honour of u meeting Sabrinas bf. smash.

Fuck it, Celine Dion. take it OR LEAVE IT.

i like the way you kiss me by artemas

I am depressed today:

WILDFLOWER by Billie Eyelash

Picture You by Chappell Roan (i am actively writing ghost wanking it during sad boy hours to this song, its great... for me not him)

tolerate it by taylor swift, i am not a swiftie but this song slaps so hard it got me crying in the club on numerous occasions

i want to be a middle aged father who wears leather studded vests:

literally only made this section so i could tell u to listen to Sabaton. Preferably their song The Last Stand. Its metal. Its gothic. Itssssssss i am edgy but would like to understand the lyrics and would not like to die from screamo music.

i want to live in rural america and stare into the mountainside as my partner drives me through winding roads while i feel a glimpse of nostalgia even though i grew up in the city:

Noah Kahan. Dial Drunk.

man, i just cant stop being despressed:

ur so pretty by wasia project

two by sleeping at last

MITSKI AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nothing's new by rio romeo

pussy popped 2 hard and now i am just in a fucking musical phase, ok JUST LET ME BE!:

No Longer You by EPIC. Similiar vein all of it. its poppy, its up and coming. it was all i listened to for a week straight.

Vioila by Barbara Pravi (i love eurovision)

World by Zeph (its only like a minute long ok, but it s'cute)

Je te laisserai des mots. fkn french. FUCK.

#holy fuck im drunk #anyway # enjoy #or dont # but if you dont #i will #CRY #thanks # THANKS.

how do i sign this off.

FUCKING FUCK love L! <3

dude. i severely love my anons so much, you people actually bring me through the deeeeeeepest bouts of depression sometimes and make me laugh everyday 🫂

in honour of music sharing under this format you have sent me (which is 100999% interesting i fucking LOVE seeing what other people listen to) i will share my own thoughts on music 141 style.

for reference i am a midwest emo, folk punk, screamo, metal, country music, grime rap, 60’s floorfillers and beatles vs stones, tøp hello tumblr, oasis v blur and britpop, green day mosh pits and everything else other than opera enjoyer ALAS i have my favourites.

ahem.

- i’m making a different post about this 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥😭😭😭😭

i’ll link it here once i’m done

[petorahs]

☀️ i am so sad, i heared that they wont include anything from fes or portable, so no femc, no answer or the like. I hate it here, why this disrespect to my girl Minako i will fight somebody at atlus HQ

oh. well i will say it straight (the only thing straight about me i fear lol) but thats likely not entirely true, ☀️ anon. idk if youve seen this post but it sums it up pretty well https://www.tumblr.com/petorahs/719925542729695232

and the full article published a while later:

bad ign reporting aside, i was also pretty upset at first since no femc and the answer! but then i saw a good point someone made about the femc case:

persona 3 reload has reportedly been in development for four years. and in that four years thats standard time to build a game from the ground up, maybe even too little – anyone who's been in game dev can tell us that. p3re doesnt reuse assets, too, it's completely from scratch. so having femc isnt simply a matter of model swap. they'd also have to program the UIs and make everything pink - sure, that could be "easy", but there's also the changed social links and team dynamics (more writing to be done), weapon system and all that (more coding)? so its like... i'd be actually surprised if they managed a femc during those 4 years. its quite a lot of work to re-adapt base p3 as is i feel and modernizing it. also i feel like atlus themselves wouldnt want to do their character and her fanbase wrong so of course they wouldnt fkn slap on a few pink menus and call it a day. they surely want to rewrite the s links and everything too in accordance to her. art takes time.

(with all that being said bullying atlus for femc is warranted actually maybe then her inevitable dlc might come faster lmao )

similarly, im fine with no "the answer" now despite being its #1 defender. theyd have to completely rework the 30:2 hour grinding to story ratio which is just not sustainable on a modern gameplay perspective. that also takes time.

its why i made this post actually. i somehow trust them, and i feel like most of us can stand to chill a little and have healthier expectations. as in not overbloated and not have the bar set in hell either (altho we should also do that too)

and i know, like anyone who's played this game, it means so much to so many people. and thats why its maybe impossible to please everyone, because its so many different things: a game that saved their life, a funny goofy lighthearted one where you catch demons, the most depressing persona game ever (altho i feel like p2 would beg to differ on that one-), or for me personally, a game that just made me cry man.

and because it means so much, everyone wants to see it be the best it can be!! and that means having hamuchan. i get that all of this riot energy is out of love for the game, really. but. yeah.

a remake seems like it's "less work to do" since the foundation's "already there" and i dont know how many people worked on p3re but like. i highly doubt theyre just sitting on their asses pissing off fans on purpose lol. (or maybe they are and im just too optimistic damn 😭)

[sshewolfiona]

I really need some support right now!!

#follow me if you are willing to accept me for me and please tell me I'm not the only one that's confused about their gender identity these days ?

⛈️✨I'm at a low place in my life and I'm very much letting my depression get the best of me!🪐⛈️🪐⛈️🦕💕

I almost feel like I have no good reason to carry on anymore and that I should do everyone a fkn favor and off myself😓😥😟😖. I'm just gonna come out of the closet on here to basically whole world but I know not many will see my story; they will scroll by ... I know, I get it😢nobody ever had the time for me before in this life time so why now would I actually have even one person that is willing to listen and actually help me through my silent struggle... Suffering in silence is killing me that's why ... 💜⚡I'm here today to ...be able to say

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

🌈Coming out of the closet today🌈 everyone!! 😮❣️I can't keep my sweet silent lies down deep.. I'm here and I'm queer get used to it .🤐 Not really but listen if you'd like to hear my sexual identity crisis ..

I just have had one fck of a time on this Earth and finally at this age , oh my, 😮⚡⚡🌈 I find myself looking to LGBTQ hashtags and forums for answers on what's exactly wrong with me!!

Long story short : I knew there were many things about my inner world and the way I experienced it that made me very different from everyone.... And I have just found the words ; asexual 🌈💚 and aromantic so yes. I am Ace-Aro very very aro ... Sex repulsed aro ... And that's not all ... Actually I today, found that I have to admit I'm non-binary too. I've been ashamed and had found this part of my life, my sexual life, was very deeply embarassing and had not quite fit society standards and now I'm finally relieved a great deal that there are words for all that I'm going through and ii don't have to feel so weird about dating anymore I'll just be straight up about my sexual identity and preferences ........ For now tho. I have been seeing a dude that is heterosexual so this straight male is my partner. We are best friends.. and we have our own sex ONLY WHEN IM COMFORTABLE AND REALLY WANTING TO !!!! It's special occasion for sex to happen.. he has been molested as a child so he always understood how sex can be touchy and he NEVER pressured me. I feel like he could be not totally but on the spectrum of aromatic.... Idk .. we are good together so far.. but there is much more for us to move on from like personal past issues. We both need therapy for abuse and sexual abuse and before we deal with that then we will try bs support each other ... We are so shy and painfully awkward when it comes to gender roles or out own roles in the relationship like he's such a very sensitive man he really gets hurt by my just experience.. at first when I came out as asexual to him he said " so you don't find me attractive?? Why don't you find me attractive? What can I do to turn you on and make my appearance more attractive?!" And I was really for the first-time being faced with the real issue that actually " I don't find anyone attractive" so I hunted online for the solution. I felt broken and wanted a cure.

Lol

But it turns out I was born this way and iit is not a mental illness ...

I did go to the doctor tho....

I'm autistic .. diagnosed autism is scary ! It's a huge label. But it also makes me angry that all these years they diagnose Me this change it to that and I never got anywhere in any of the definition of bipolar and scizo such whatever the problem is is that ok I took so many meds I never needed and for years were not designed for my chemical imbalance which I never had turns out !!

Wow 😲 so much going on

🌈🌈So I found my true identity! Sexual identity,🌈😎😎🌈💚🖤 can I just be accepted and loved by some members of the #Witchcraft community or the LGBTQ community please at least LIKE. My post. And comment anybody wanna be my friend ?? I'm lonely lonely so lonely all on my only and I need someone to relate to other than these cis people !!!

[8millionscorpions]

i love having impromptu spontaneous dates w my boyfriend..... showered n movie date together. paused to make food midway thru

10 things i hate abt you is suuuuuuch a good ass movie..... kat and uhh. the guy heath ledger plays. their dynamic is kinda like mine and his.... not entirely but . its similar (on a scale of 1-10 he rated our dynamic as similar to theirs at a solid 6. i agree :3)

ughhhh theyre so cute. n so are me n Hermes

anyways now im freshly showered in bed cuddling my pookie in my underwear..... so fkn nice

really helped bc i had a Shitty day filled w paranoia and lethargy n depression. and also ughhh my thyroid goiter :(((

[splendiddlydoo]

saturday, 22 june 2024

how tf is it the end of june already. the year has gone by so fkn quick.

went out for hieus book launch celebrations last night and it was fun but i felt different. i feel like i've been living on autopilot for the past few months and it doesnt really feel like disassociation like how it usually does. like im present and im aware of my bad habits such as doom scrolling and i have a deep desire to do other activities that are more mentally stimulating and better for my mental health.

i have started back at the gym again and it feels great. i did a big sesh with hieu and it inspired me to train harder so thats what i've been doing. and the anticipation of going hasnt felt as dreadful as it used to; i kinda look forward to going now.

for my previous entries i've felt the need to be able to articulate my thoughts coherently and muster up something with meaning to write about but idgaf rn. i wanna learn how to let go because i feel like i have a lot of emotions stuck inside me rn that i need to release. like i just feel like somethings has been missing. LACKLUSTER is the perfect word to describe how i feel rn.

whats good tho is i;ve been eating well and gyming so atleast i'm not just rotting and spiralling.

typical me wants to get to the bottom of how im feeling and i have a few guesses as to what might be causing it;

lack of work - i've only been working 3 days a week and theyre not full shifts so i have A LOT of free time

tyson going to vietnam on monday; i'm sad that hes leaving. i think i'm nervous about being alone and what ill be doing with all my free time. its 2 weeks.

i have a dopamine deficiency, if thats a thing; because i haven't been doing any mentally enriching activities (aside from gym which im grateful for)

i haven't had many meaningful interactions with friends

ooh one more thing, i did md a couple of weekends ago so maybe im depressed because of that. it doesn't feel like a typical depressive episode tho. idk how to describe it.

these are all just guesses and maybe i've completely missed the mark

i have a cold sore, and i only get coldsores when im super stressed. i wish i could just cry instead of manifesting physical symptoms

usually during social interactions, i feel the need to be super enthusiastic and feel the urge to fill in the blanks, but yesterday was different because i didn't care to fill in the blanks. i found myself just standing or sitting without the need to say or do anything. and it did feel kind of nice and comforting. i guess i was scared of being perceived as boring. which is a good thing.

BIG NEWS***

bella and bojan just BOUGHT A HOUSE *gulp*

im super jealous but so happy for them. itme to level up.

current train of thought is: damn how r some people so lucky

but i need to cbt myself and think i am lucky in a lot of ways too and trust the process