#and now i'm feeling immensely guilty because of that
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whump-me-all-night-long · 1 year ago
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vamptastic · 6 months ago
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I need to kill the t-rf in my head already how many times do I need to be called a faggot by strangers and have random men hit on me whilst passing to them as male to stop feeling guilty about so much as mentioning an unchangeable facet of my identity. I wish I could just get rid of that evil voice conjuring up the worst rhetoric every time I fall outside of the stereotype of a trans man
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fastandcarlos · 2 months ago
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Whole World On Your Shoulders : ̗̀➛ Lewis Hamilton
summary: with the pressures of his upcoming move weighing down on him, lewis counts on you to reassure him that he's doing the right thing
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Your eyes followed Lewis carefully as he walked through your home, watching him drop his bag with a thud, brushing his hands over his face. You placed your phone down, studying him closely as you noticed the frustration that was evident in his expression. 
“Everything alright?” You asked, offering Lewis a soft smile, only for that to drop when he didn’t return it. Instead, he scuffed his feet on the ground, throwing himself down beside you. 
“I can’t win,” Lewis sighed, feeling your arms quickly wrap around his frame, pulling him into your chest. “I’m doing well with Mercedes but people keep making me feel guilty about leaving. And now I’m winning again, Ferrari are telling me about all these expectations they have for me.” 
“I'm sorry," you whispered, pressing a kiss against Lewis' head as he cuddled himself into your side, desperate for a touch of comfort from your hold. 
Your head rested on top of his, entangling your legs in with his own. “I’ve got so much pressure on my shoulders right now, there’s so many people who I need to try and impress, what if I mess up and just end up disappointing everyone?” 
“That’s not going to happen Lew, you’ve not disappointed anyone in nearly twenty years of racing.” 
It broke your heart seeing how frail Lewis was as he held you, struggling to maintain his composure. For quite some there had been a little bit of pressure, it was only natural for someone who was about to sign with Ferrari, but as contract start came closer, the pressure was only mounting more. 
“What am I supposed to do baby?” Lewis nervously asked you, tilting his head back slightly to try and look up at you. 
His voice sounded as if it was on the verge of desperate, a tone from Lewis that you hadn’t heard for quite some time. He liked to be composed and not let you in whenever he was struggling, but today it seemed as if he had decided that he was going to do the complete opposite. 
“No matter what I do I’m upsetting someone, it’s bitter for Mercedes but a joy for Ferrari that I’m doing well right now,” Lewis continued to huff, “they keep telling me they’re happy for me, but I know they don’t mean it, they don’t want me to go.” 
Your hand brushed gently over the top of his head, “you don’t need to worry about all of them, you need to focus on doing what’s best for you, regardless of who you upset.” 
Lewis hummed in agreement with what you had to say, he’d spent so long working as part of a team, but now his new decision was a selfish one. His career didn’t have much longer left and he wanted to make the choices that would be best for him, not for anyone else. 
The biggest cheerleader for him when making that decision was absolutely you. You’d encouraged him immensely to make the call that was best for him. Whether it was Mercedes or Ferrari, you were going to support him with it regardless. 
“Thank you,” Lewis whispered, “for always being here for me to help me out.” 
You never wanted to be thanked by Lewis, you never expected it from him either. All you did was care, and if you were needed to pick him back up and give him a boost, then you were going to do that without even having to think about it. 
“You know, people would dream about being you,” you told him. 
“They'd be stupid too," Lewis scoffed, "I wouldn’t want anyone to have to work under the pressure that I'm working under. The only reason I manage it most of the time is because I have you here.” 
“I’m nothing to do with this,” you laughed, only for Lewis’ head to shake as you spoke. 
He wished you saw more of the impact you had on him and how helpful all of the little things that you did were for him. “Just you being here means the world love, the feeling of knowing I’m not alone makes such a difference,” he admitted. 
You could feel in Lewis’ hold just how much he wanted, or needed, to have you there. He was terrified of you letting go, the one person who he could always count on leaving him. You didn’t even need to do or say anything, just being there was more than enough for him. 
“I’m incredibly proud of you, I don’t tell you that enough,” you mused. 
Your words were like music to Lewis’ ears, the perfect pick up that he needed. At times it felt like no one was proud of him now, they were disappointed, confused, some even angry, but they didn’t understand Lewis like you did, they didn’t understand why the decision needed to be made. 
“Will you be there at the last few races?” Lewis tentatively asked, taking a tight hold of your hand. “It’s going to be tough, and I’d really love for you to be there, for me.” 
Without even thinking, your head nodded in response to his question. If he was honest, he was terrified of leaving Mercedes, leaving everything that had become so comfortable over the past decade, it was a goodbye that was going to be far from easy. 
“I don’t say it enough, but I really am thankful for all that you do,” Lewis told you once again, “not many people could put up with someone like me.” 
It had its difficulties dating Lewis, you couldn’t deny it, but that was far outweighed by all the positives. You didn’t want the easy life, you enjoyed the challenges, the highs and the lows, all the boring bits and the exciting bits that left you thrilled. 
“I’m going to be right here to ease that weight you’re carrying on your shoulders,” you insisted, “you don’t ever have to worry about carrying it alone.” 
“I know,” Lewis smiled, “that’s what makes us such a good team.” 
You hummed in agreement with Lewis, you two clicked perfectly together, you had such a clear understanding of one another and knew exactly how to be there for the other. 
“I don’t quite know how the next season is going to pan out, I can’t promise that next year will be easy, but I’m still going to be there and putting you first,” Lewis assured you, kissing against the top of your shoulder. “It’s going to be a rollercoaster, but that’s how we like it.” 
“You always promised me life wouldn’t be easy.” 
Relief hit you as a chuckle came from Lewis, “I’ve no doubt it’s going to be amazing, because we’ll be right there together.” 
Ferrari was going to be new to everyone, but you had every confidence that it would work out, if anyone knew how to overcome a challenge, it was definitely Lewis. 
“Try not to worry about everything that’s coming our way,” you whispered, “for once, we’re going to be selfish for a while.” 
Lewis nodded in agreement, “it’s about time that we put ourselves first for a little while, don’t you think?” 
“I couldn’t agree more, we’ve got to be our number ones for once.” 
“Screw what anyone else thinks anyway.” 
˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
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steviesbicrisis · 2 years ago
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Eddie, at the hospital post Upside Down, is out of it because of meds and keeps blabbering nonsense. Dustin visits him with Steve and Eddie keeps referring to him as his son.
Dustin replies jokingly with "Yeah and this is your husband, Steve" and rolls his eyes.
And if Eddie has some memory of parenting Dustin, he doesn't recall ever being in a relationship with Steve, which makes him come to the conclusion that he must've lost his memory.
Dustin feels immensely guilty as Eddie keeps apologizing to Steve in tears, for forgetting such a "wonderful and beautiful husband".
It goes on for a few days and surprisingly, Steve gets quickly adjusted to being Eddie's husband.
When Eddie is finally better and doesn't need that many painkillers, he still remembers how he acted around Dustin and Steve.
He's too embarrassed to face them again so he asks his uncle to keep them away if they ever come to visit again. And they do.
Steve barges into the hospital room "What the hell is going on?"
Eddie can't blabber anything coherent so Steve presses "Do you want to divorce me? is that it?"
To which, for some unknown reason, Eddie takes offense to "What the fuck, Harrington?"
"Oh, I'm 'Harrington' now? great" he replies, clearly pissed "No, fantastic! You'll have a word with my lawyer."
"Lawyer??"
"I'm taking Dustin and you'll have to pay for child support!"
"You can't take Dustin! He's my kid too!"
Wayne and Dustin observe their whole discussion from the entrance door, too scared to come into the room.
"Does Steve really have a lawyer?" Wayne muses.
Dustin turns to him, scandalized "They aren't married! I'm not their child!"
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barcaatthemoon · 12 days ago
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your best girl || alexia putellas x reader ||
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You comfort Alexia when she returns after the Olympics.
18+
Everybody had a job. You had nearly forgotten that with the craziness of the Olympics. Alexia worked hard to be the best captain for her country that she could. There was only so much that her on-pitch presence could do. Their issue was at the coach's level, and the team suffered because of that. Alexia had only come back to you a couple days early after being knocked away from the medals, and that was where your job started.
It was always difficult gauging the amount of space to give Alexia. You understood how devastating a blow it was, having lost the chance for a medal at your first Olympics. Back then, you had wished that someone would have helped you pick up the pieces of yourself, but instead, you tried to brave it all on your own. Alexia wasn't like you, and that was where you apprehension about talking to her came in.
The thought of smothering Alexia and pushing her away haunted you constantly. You needed to do something to show her that you were there for her that wasn't over the top of dramatic. And so, you dropped as many little hints that you were just waiting for her to come to you. You thought for a moment that you'd end up driving yourself mad waiting for Alexia, but the silence and tension in the apartment only lasted for a few days at most.
"What is all of this?" Alexia asked as she stood behind your desk chair. You tried to turn, but Alexia was holding you forward. You could feel her lean down a bit, reading over your analysis of the games for work. "You've been busy."
"Never too busy for you though," you told her. Alexia dropped her hands from your chair, finally allowing for you to turn and face her. "I'm glad to see you up and around a bit."
"The bed felt a little cold, and I know that it's not really a big thing, but I was hoping that you had some time to join me," Alexia said. You nodded, quickly saving the small additions you had made to your analysis paper before shutting your computer down and following Alexia into the bedroom.
It looked like she had been cleaning a bit before she came to get you. The nest of blankets that Alexia had created to curl up and wallow in was now dismantled. She had tidied up her laundry from the floor and made the bed, which you knew were big steps. Aside from that, you didn't let the candles on the bedside table or the songs from your R&B sex playlist playing.
"How exactly am I helping you warm up the bed?" you asked teasingly. Alexia played it innocent as she sat back on the bed. She patted the spot next to you, and you all but rushed over to join her. Sex hadn't been on the table for you mentally when Alexia got home, but you were a bit relieved to not be waiting weeks like the last big loss Alexia had faced.
You didn't understand how someone so amazing could get down on themselves so easily. Alexia was under immense pressure from fans, but it was nothing compared to what she put herself through. You felt guilty learning from those around Alexia that it only got worse when you came in the picture. In your eyes, you were washed up and spat out by the game, but Alexia held you in the regard that some had during your prime.
"I did have a couple of things in mind. I think that I need a little reminder of who I am." Alexia ducked her head down until her face was tucked into the crook of your neck. She was being shy, like she was ashamed of really asking for what you wanted. Still, you completely understood wht she needed. It wasn't exactly what had become your normal, but you were still definitely up to reminding Alexia that she didn't have to win everything in order for you to love and cherish her.
"I get that you need this for what happened in Paris, but forget about football and the Olympics completely. Right now it's just the two of us. I am just me, and you are just you." Alexia struggled to take your words to heart at first, but that was expected. You were used to this little speedbump, but it was the most important part of everything in your eyes. "You love me despite the fact that I haven't worn a jersey of my own in three years. I'll love you even if you never put another Spain or Barcelona jersey on again. I'll love you when the day comes that your body can't handle the game anymore, and I will take care of you when you inevitably push yourself too far again. Do you know why?"
"No," Alexia answered. You turned her face so that she was looking at you and you only.
"Because I did not fall in love with Alexia Putellas, the footballer. I fell in love with the woman who doesn't know how to tread lightly, so she wakes me up at odd hours every single time that she gets out of bed. I fell in love with the woman who goes out of her way to take care of her community and everybody that she cares about. I fell in love with the woman who runs into the arm of the couch every single morning because she's too busy watching me walking into the kitchen. I fell in love with you because of what I saw off of the pitch," you told her. Alexia was blushing deeply, unsure of what to do with praise in that sense.
"I just wanted to win and make you proud. You got this new job after working so hard these past couple of years to learn Spanish. You're doing so much, and what have I done to compare?" Alexia confessed. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Alexia was constantly doing things that often made you feel a bit inferior, so it blew your mind a little to hear that Alexia had been feeling this way too.
"Ale, you are the best soccer player in the world. I'm only here because I gave up and called it quits. You're doing amazing things all of the time. You're the best in the world, and let's face it, I wouldn't have gotten my foot in the door if I wasn't your girlfriend. I could have worked and worked and worked forever, but they wouldn't have cared." Alexia's face changed from its formerly soft expression to a hardened one. "I'm not here to argue about my achievements with you, I'm here to remind you that this one setback won't define your worth."
"Just you wait, they'll be referring to me as (Y/n) (Y/l/n)'s girlfriend. Hopefully one of the better ones," Alexia said. She sounded so confident and sure of herself that you had to believe her.
"You'll always be the best one. Hopefully you'll also be my last one," you told her. Alexia leaned in and kissed you, slowly pulling you on top of her. You let the kiss progress naturally, neither of you pushing things too far without the other pressing equally as much.
"Take this off," Alexia requested as she started tugging at the hem of your shirt. You sat back and started removing the pieces of your clothes that Alexia asked you to. In turn, she briefly moved you off of her lap to completely undress herself. The tension in the room thickened a bit as she laid down again, legs spread as you stood at the end of the bed.
"You look unreal," you muttered as you moved onto the bed. You didn't want to leave Alexia waiting. Alexia didn't want to wait either, guiding your head between her legs without any ounce of hesitation. You could see that Alexia was already wet. She wasn't soaked but still undeniably wet.
You didn't have a chance to tease Alexia. She guided your face to her cunt, movements on the cusp of being pushy. Alexia was almost always in control, and she doubled down whenever you were topping. She didn't want to wait around or be teased, Alexia wanted to cum. You still had your chance to revel in the taste of her, even if it wasn't in the same way that she got to with you.
It didn't come as a surprise to you to have Alexia grinding her hips to move against your tongue. She didn't seem to want your fingers at all, working herself up on just your mouth. You loved it, loved knowing that you could make Alexia feel so good with just a few simple movements. Topping Alexia gave you a rush that you'd be riding for the next couple of days, until Alexia felt up to the task of "putting you back in your place."
"I'm so fucking close. Don't stop, please don't stop," Alexia swore. She wasn't usually one for pleading, but you'd take it. Her hands were gripping your shoulders tightly, nails digging in as you savored every drop of her that you could. Alexia let you continue with the strokes of your tongue past her first orgasm, only pushing you away after the second. She rode one high into the next before her brain and body seemed to catch up to each other.
She was sensitive, and her legs jerked shut, nearly hitting you in the process. You didn't sit back and stare, instead going straight into the bathroom to get a warm washcloth. Alexia let you clean her up, not saying anything to you until after she had grabbed new clothes to wear for the night. You stripped the bed and put everything in the washer, slightly surprised to find Alexia waiting for you in the kitchen when you were done.
"I don't think I let you know how important you are to me. I don't know how badly I would have spiraled without you here," Alexia told you. You blushed as she wrapped her arms around your waist and held you from behind. "Tomorrow, I start training again. I've only got a few years until the next World Cup and Olympics."
"I mean, I guess," you sighed. Alexia pressed a kiss to your cheek before she grabbed a snack to take into the living room. You went decided to go to bed, already well aware that Alexia wouldn't get to bed for another hour or so at least. You set an alarm for 1, deciding that if she wasn't in bed by then, you were going out to the living room to collect her yourself.
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evertidings · 5 months ago
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— JUNE 2024.
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accomplishments.
hi!! how's everyone been lately? june was a really good month for me in terms of writing and i'm really really happy about it. turns out, forcing yourself to write actually does something. who would've thought?
for the longest time, i had no motivation to work on this chapter because it wasn't going anywhere. i had the issue with the plothole and it honestly killed so much of my joy. since reworking the chapter, however, i've gotten back some of my spark. i basically told myself that 'hey, you still really like what you've created so far, right? so suck it up and push past your mental block.' and here we are.
i'm still getting back into the groove of things, but i've done a lot more writing for this than i have for a while. that said, i apologize for the long wait. i feel immensely guilty about the lack of update but i swear to you, it will come. my plan is some time in the summer. if not, then early fall (though this is obviously not preferred).
to speak on the chapter itself, chapter eleven has three major branches in total, and, as i said in last month's update, each of them feature different ros. i'm currently wrapping up branch #2 and plan on working on #3 later this week. technically, branch #1 isn't done yet, but it was also the branch that gave me immense writer's block so forgive me if i ignore it a little longer. branch #1 and #2 are also a lot heavier compared to #3, so having written those for months on end, i'm feeling a little weighed down. by switching over to #3, the goal is to have enough energy to get back to #1. once that's done, all i gotta do is edit and publish it!
so yeah, maybe we're not at the end yet, but we're getting there. this is the best i've felt about this chapter for a very long time now and i'm really hoping this energy continues. thank you for your continued patience. i will try my hardest to make this worth it for you.
take care of yourselves! <3
stats.
chapter total: ~21,170 words
game total: ~493,170 words
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Hello, I'd like to request for fuegoleon, William, nozel, zora and Nacht where they hurt their s/O's feelings and make her cry? And just how guilty they feel, how they make it up, comfort their s/o and apologize. You can choose whatever they couldve said or done to make her cry I love anything you write they're all so good
If 5 characters is too much then just fuego, nozel and nacht would be fine please and thankyou❤️
Hello! Some hurt comfort is on the menu it seems, and I'm happy to oblige ^^ This ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated, but I hope it's worth the wait ^^
Pairings: Fuegoleon x f!reader, William x f!reader, Nozel x f!reader, Zora x f!reader, Nacht x f!reader
Fanfic type: Headcanons
Genre: Hurt-comfort
Length: about 0.75k each, 3.9k total
Warnings: Generally hurt-comfort, the guys snap at reader, all for reasons of their own, in Nozel's scenario the reader doesn't really know what kind of a person Nozel's dad is, Zora addresses reader as "babydoll", Zora calls himself as a "jerk ass", reader cries and the guys try to comfort in their own ways
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Fuegoleon
He had had very taxing couple of months. The adverse the country was facing seemed to have no end in sight, and it felt that in terms of politics and finances the country was being pushed further and further into a corner, which took an immense toll on him emotionally.
And though a part of him wished that he could simply take a vacation and not worry about any of it, he knew it to be senseless. Quite simply because the same issues would wait him as he returned, and they would have further piled up, so taking a vacation would be counterproductive. But still he felt that his nerves were hanging by a thin thread, even if he considered himself as a patient man.
As he sat by his desk, you came through the door with a paper in hand.
“I made us a reservation to a restaurant,” you told him. “I thought we could take a nice evening off, have a date and just enjoy life,” you smiled, while presenting the reservation information to him.
“No thank you,” he said without looking up from the documents in front of him.
“But you need to have some time off as well,” you insisted while placing your hand onto his arm and tugging him slightly. “So I planned us a day where we can just do something w-“
“I can’t take a day off!” He snapped. “Surely a moment of peace and quiet would be pleasant, but there is too much to take care of for me to quite simply ‘take a day off’,” he continued.
And you… lifted your hand off of his arm, and took a step back.
You had intended to do something nice for him, because you had seen how strained he was and now he… wasn’t… feeling the sentiment. A part of you wanted to blame yourself because you had failed to read him and what he’d wish correctly, because wasn’t a spouse supposed to be able to do that?
There were a lot of emotions swirling around in you, but none of them were pleasant. And with it, tears begun climbing to your eyes with a burning sensation, only to roll down your cheeks.
Fuegoleon looked at you, and there was a gnawing, pricking ocean of guilt in his chest, because he knew that you had meant well. You had wanted to do something nice for him and make the situation at least a little bit more bearable.
“My love I’m…” he reached forward for you. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you, but … I…” his gaze fell to the side as he spoke, feeling the weight of his words, spoken carelessly.
You didn’t shy away from him as he tried to get close to you again, because it wasn’t… that you didn’t understand him, and you could see the sincere apology and regret in his eyes.
“I’ll… I’ll try to take the day off…” he promised with something that sounded almost like a sigh, but really it was because he knew what it’d mean.
And you knew what it’d mean too. It’d mean sleepless nights, having less time during the next week or two for you two to spend together regularly, in place of that one day. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make, but it wouldn’t be worth it. You’d rather see him a little each day than not at all.
“No,” you shook your head with a faint tone while mirroring his movements and reaching for him. “We can… just have a moment, a short moment, in the evening to ourselves,” you said through your drying tears.
His eyes gathered that gentle undertone that was too beautiful for this world, as he placed his hand onto your cheek and brushed away your tears. “If that is what you wish,” he said with gratitude in his voice before he pressed a kiss onto your forehead.
You nodded as a reply, even if only faintly.
“I am sorry, my beloved,” he still repeated. “You’re the most important person in my life, and I don’t wish to impose any-“
“No, no,” you shook your head. “I get it. There’s a lot on your plate and I should have talked about your schedule with you before making reservations…”
“But your heart was in the right place,” he told you while placing his hand under your chin. “And that’s one of the reasons why I love you,” he admitted while lifting your chin, and placing another kiss onto your lips, warm, gentle and caressing, which washed away any shadow of doubt of his sentiments that might have been there.
William
The days had grown long, because of everything that was going on in the kingdom. And with the disappearance of Julius, it had gotten him thinking about what had happened after the whole ordeal with the elves. Which had made… something about the whole state of the kingdom hit too close to home with him.
Perhaps he was questioning being pardoned altogether, since it seemed that the one to pardon him, had taken a run for it. Or perhaps something more dire.
But if the only person to be willing to pardon him was someone like him, willing to look the other way when the kingdom was falling to its knees then…
It filled him with various emotions, all swirling and twisting and turning until he felt all of them trying to bubble to the surface, but he didn’t know which to let out first. How to let them out. Instead it felt like they were all stuck in his throat, just building, building, building up pressure so much that he might-
“Hey honey!” You greeted while entering through the door of his office, only to see him hunching over his own desk. “Oh did you eat something bad, or-“ you placed your hand onto his shoulder.
But he pushed it away. “Don’t touch me!” He ordered without as much as looking at you. And from his tone, you heard nothing but pain, hurt, and… you could have sworn… disgust… underlying it all… You could have sworn there to be contempt… in there…
You took a step back, pulling your hand to you and holding it with the other. As you couldn’t… imagine why… why would he have… Your sweet William…
His chest was heaving, and as his eyes lifted from the desk to you, the most prominent feelings you could se were fear and pain. The way they flickered, his purple eyes that were so gentle, flickered around as tears lined the corners of his eyes.
“Forgive me…” he whispered as his eyes turned to the side. “I didn’t… I just… Why did he pardon me? Some… solidarity from a villain to another?” His head swayed from side to side, as if trying to comprehend, but failed to do so.
“You’re… not a villain, Will…” you tried, because his reaction had… made sense. It wasn’t you he was trying to shoo away, it was his own emotions, but you sounded anything but convinced. Tears climbed to your own eyes.
You buried your face into your hands, and wept, from the shock of what had happened, his words, but also because you had understood where it came from. Because he was pained from the guilt of his past actions, and you felt his pain too.
He turned to look at you again, as he heard your sobs, and got up from the chair to make his way to you from the other side of the desk.
“I’m sorry… so, so sorry my little song bird…” he wrapped his arms around you, and pressed his head against yours, as his tears rolled down his cheeks, and onto you. “I’ll… make it up to you…” he pleaded. “Just don’t… please don’t… hate me, I… didn’t… wasn’t… I didn’t mean to….” His voice was faint, broken and defeated, and he swayed in place with you in his arms.
It sounded like he was repenting. Praying for forgiveness.
“I don’t hate you… Will,” you told him while wrapping your own arms around him. He was a broken man, and he had acted out of distress. Without intent to hurt you. Without intent to push you away.
He pressed a kiss onto your head as his embrace grew tighter. “I’m sorry,” he still whispered.
You nudged his head with yours, and whispered against his skin “we’ll make it through.”
Because you would. The two of you would. He wasn’t a bad man. He wasn’t a villain. It was simply that the guilt he felt got overbearing sometimes, which had caused him to call out in fear of what he thought about himself.
But he loved you, and you loved him. So, you could heal, together. You were certain about it, as you stood there, holding onto each other.
Nozel
Nozel had learned to deal with his family situation from a young age. Though ‘dealing with it’ had turned into something that seemed more like survival. Not that you could see it from the surface. Because, while looking from afar, without seeing into his eyes, his emotions, he was a calm sea. Vast and serene. Though something, someone to be revered and respected, because there was also harshness in the oceans.
But if you had the opportunity to peek under the surface, you’d see a twisting, turning vortex of guilt, pain, sorrow… fear… A lot of emotions one might deem ugly.
‘Unsightly’ he would describe them in himself. Because he couldn’t be any of those things. The Captain of the Silver Eagles, the First Born Son of the Royal House of Silva, couldn’t be any of those things. And thus… to him, in him, they were unsightly.
He didn’t talk about his childhood either. He didn’t talk about his parents, aside of his mother. Which, given the circumstances of her parting, made sense. He would talk about her more because of the fate she had faced.
You had been thinking about starting a family with him. You had talked about it in passing. And as you sat in the living room, him staring out of the window, deep in thought. You talked about how lovely it’d be. “I’m sure you’d be a great father,” you thought out loud, meaning just it, and nothing else. “Just like yours.”
His head begun to turn to you with a slow motion, as if mechanic, and his eyes were wide open. It wasn’t even a glare, but a mad stare.
“I will never be like that bastard!” He shouted, making you press against your seat out of the sheer force in which the words were pushed, spat out of his mouth.
His body started to shake, and the stare turned into a look of horror as his eyes fell down to the floor. Because…. Because… though his father had been horrid, spewed poisonous words in a whole different way than shouting… maybe you had been right and… he was on his way becoming just like his father. Which was among the last things he’d want.
But you… you didn’t quite understand where it had come from. Sure, he hadn’t talked about his father, but you hadn’t thought that there’d be this level of hatred and contempt for him from Nozel. Though you had gathered that Older Lord Silva wasn’t a well liked man, but… surely he… would have been… kinder to his… own children, right?
Right…?
There were a lot of emotions turning within you. Partly from the force of Nozel’s words, and partly from guilt of having failed to see through his silence. Through the things he didn’t want to talk about, and… as you leaned forward, your elbows on your knees and buried your face into your hands, you cried. You cried and you cried and you… didn’t know what to do. What to say?
You felt a weight right next to you on the couch, as a pair of arms wrapped around you.
“Nozel I…” you tried while pushing against his chest with a faint motion.
“Don’t…” he started as his hold of you grew more firm. “Look at me…” he continued as his voice broke, and something… as if a droplet, landed onto your shoulder.
The words sounded like a plea. Plea filled with shame and the broken pieces of his soul that he wasn’t eager to show you.
But you did as he wished, and settled into his embrace.
“I’m… sorry, my dear,” he whispered with that same broken tone while placing his hand to the back of your head. “I’ll… be better, than him. I will…” you couldn’t tell if he was trying to tell that to you or to himself.
But whatever his father must’ve been like in reality, you could already tell that Nozel was far better of a man than his father had ever been. He was. Because the man who held you in the soft, gentle, secure embrace felt so very deeply about you and the ones close to him.
He really was like an ocean of secrets.
“I love you,” he professed through another whisper, but while the tone was silent, the proclamation was loud as ever. “I love you…” he repeated, just to make sure that you heard him.
And as you buried your face into his shoulder, and the scent of his haircare products flowed to you, it was as if your tears had disappeared into thin air.
Nozel might not have been the best with words, but he was there, when you needed him the most.
Zora
Zora had had to raise himself for a good portion of his childhood. Though Zara had given him good tools to life, and a lot of wonderful memories, it didn’t mean that Zora wouldn’t have had to toughen up.
His accomplishments, his skills and tenacity were all a result of him having a keen eye for details, while also having had to, quite bluntly, tell himself to do better. Pay attention to his own shortcomings and fix the issue.
But… it had also resulted in him being blunt with others. Though it was all for the sake of betterment, for growth and development of skills, the way he delivered the words were harsh more often than not. Which was something he was trying to fix, when it came to some people, at least.
You knew that he was like that. And you knew that he wasn’t the type of a guy to just sit around and expect you to do all the housework, but it didn’t mean that you didn’t like cooking from time to time. Actually, maybe it was the idea that you didn’t need to cook, because he’d be more than alright with cooking if you asked him to, but rather that you could.
But today the dish wasn’t… cutting it. You had tried to taste it many times and there was something in the seasoning that wasn’t just… doing it for you. But you couldn’t really place your finger on what was wrong with it. Or not… wrong wrong per se, but it certainly could be better.
You leaned against the stove, and sighed to yourself, as the gears in your head tried to turn. But came up empty.
A drawer was opened, and closed. There was a sound of metal clicking against metal and steps coming closer, accompanied by a hum from a certain, masked, someone.
Zora dipped his spoon into the food and took a bite to test the taste. And after he had, he sighed, sounding disappointed before making his way to the spice cabinet and laying thme out onto the table.
“The balance is all wrong,” he said. “It’s mainly salty while you want there to be some sweetness to it for the contrast as well. A bit of acid would do wonders, but the real issue is that the spices aren’t complimenting each other,” he explained while taking the spoon and adding one spice after another along with other ingredients.
And you… took a step back and let him do it. Because if it was ‘all wrong’, why should you have interjected?
In all honesty, it made you feel unappreciated. Like you couldn’t even cook right. If I can’t even cook right, then why is he with me….? You found yourself thinking.
Before you knew it, your eyes had turned to the floor and you were grinding your molars together as tears started climbing to your eyes. And eventually, they ran down your cheeks as you were still immersed into your own thoughts, in how you didn’t think that you could do a simple task correct. Because surely Zora wanted someone by his side who could contribute as much as he did. Surely. So why was he-
“Hey babydoll?”
You looked up, and saw him standing there, having placed his hand onto your shoulder.
His eyes were deep, calm blue. Clear and yet deep blue. And there was worry in them. That was when you realized that you were crying and looked away while wrapping your arms around yourself.
He sighed, and rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry about the tone,” he said. “Didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, and… I’m happy to eat whatever you make,” he tried but the consolation fell short, given how he had started cooking in your place.
You curled around yourself a bit more, without really meaning to, but you did. In any case.
“Come here,” he said while pulling you into an embrace.
Seconds ticked away for a while as he just held you, and the dinner was slowly cooking on the stove.
“If you want me to stay out of it, you need to just tell me, y’know? I know that I can be too harsh, and… And… I try to not be.”
He was trying to help you get better. But he could be a wee bit of a jerk about it at times.
“We both know I can be a real ass jerk,” he said with a hint of amusement, trying to make you laugh.
And it worked. “But you’re my jerk,” you replied with a hint of a giggle in your tone.
“That I am,” he replied. “And I hope you never need to get sick of me,” he continued while pulling away just enough to wipe your tears away.
You gave him a small smile as a reply to his careful one, and went back to cooking, together.
Nacht
Nacht had been a loner for most of his life. Someone who travelled down his own path without caring what everyone else thought. And it had made him someone who spoke directly about anything and everything he deemed to be topical to say.
Though he could also be harsh. Granted that he was the harshest to himself, but still. His directness could be harsh, and you both knew it.
He tried not to be, to you. He tried to treat you with the kindness that you deserved. He tried to treat you with the respect that you ought to be treated with. But sometimes, he failed.
Though watching him scold the Bulls for their shenanigans yet again, you didn’t think that he was trying all that hard to be constructive. Maybe he just wanted them to be efficient during missions, because that would drive the squad forward the best. ‘Not to be wasteful of energy’, or something like that.
“You could try going easier on them,” you told him later on when it was just the two of you. “Be kinder.”
“Kindness is a weakness,” he scoffed. “And Yami has let them slack off enough already which will get them killed. Only a fool would go easy on them.”
You stopped, thinking about what he had just said. Because you were going easy with the rest of the Bulls. You were kind to them. And Nacht. So… so.
You couldn’t help but think that Nacht had, there and then, revealed what he really thought of you. Though it wasn’t directed at you, he had been, still, indirectly talking about you too. Basically he had called you weak and stupid.
Basically.
Which made your eyes turn to the ground as you bit down your molars and tried to will away the tears that were climbing to your eyes. Because you shouldn’t have taken such an off-hand comment that wasn’t even said to you, to the heart in such a way but… But. It had struck a nerve in you.
“Hm? What is it?” He asked, having stopped and turned around to look at you, as if he hadn’t realized what he had said.
“So you think that I’m dumb and weak?” You asked with bitterness lacing your tone as the tears finally glazed over your eyes, but didn’t roll down quite yet.
“That isn’t what I said,” he argued, now facing you fully and taking a few steps closer to you.
“But I am letting them off easier and I am being kind to them. So. If being kind and letting them have a breather is-“
“You’re not responsible for them.”
“Neither are you!” Now tears ran, but you didn’t look at him.
You didn’t look, and he said nothing.
Surely, he could have argued that as a vice captain he was more or less responsible, but not to the same extent as Yami. And at the end of the day, all the Bulls were responsible for themselves. So, he didn’t need to care about what they did with their time. Really.
“You are not weak and stupid,” he said while taking you by the hand. “Quite the contrary,” he admitted. “And I shouldn’t have spoken so carelessly.”
He sounded like he was speaking out a ready made dialogue of a noble man that he used to be. But you supposed that he hadn’t needed to comfort anyone lately either. If ever. If he had ever needed to comfort anyone. Even himself, since he had denied such a thing from himself.
But he could see how the ready made dialogue wasn’t doing it. The words might have been there, but the sentiment wasn’t.
“Darling?” He whispered, while moving again a little bit closer to you. “I’m sorry,” he said while summoning his shadows and tugging you, as if to ask to come along with him. To which you nodded, and he transported you both to your bedroom.
As you stood there, in the sanctity of the room with the door closed, he finally wrapped his arms around you and held you close. “You are not weak. Or stupid,” he repeated. This time the tone was one that sounded genuine, caring, insisting. “I’m sorry for insinuating it.”
You nodded and returned the embrace.
“It’s simply that… not being prepared can get people killed…” there was a reason, in there, why he would remind you of such a thing.
“But people need to live too.” And there was no arguing over it. Because life was meant to be lived.
Not even he could deny it. “They do…” he admitted while holding you closer in his arms.
And it was in that embrace that you could feel his heartbeat, his remorse and regret. But most importantly, you could feel how he did love you. Because he did. With his entire heart and soul.
1K notes · View notes
andvys · 1 year ago
Text
I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 20
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Warnings: angst, kinda mean!Eddie, mentions of an ED, fluff at the end
Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader, Eddie Munson x fem!reader
Summary: Tension arises between you and Eddie when Steve steps back into your life.
Word count: 8k+
A/N: If there's any typos or mistakes, you didn't see them! @hellfire--cult thanks for feeding me ideas, I'm blessed to have you
series masterlist
-
You can’t explain the awful feeling in your stomach or the suffocating feeling in your chest.
You have trouble understanding why it all feels so wrong when it’s all you have dreamed of for so long. Steve kissed you in a way he had never kissed you before, not even when you had just started dating did he kiss you with so much passion and love the way he did last night. 
His touch was gentle, his lips were soft and he was so desperate to feel you against him – you were just as desperate and the kiss just showed how much you still love him, how much you still want him, how much you crave him even after everything that happened between you both. But, not even the passion of the kiss could erase the things he had done to you. 
The moment it all caught up to you, the moment something else came to your mind, you pushed him away and you ran, you ran away from him and now you feel guilty for it but you couldn’t stay, you couldn’t stick around any longer. 
You found Robin and Chrissy, blabbering out what happened to you before you begged them to take you home.
Now, you are laying in your bed, staring up at the white ceiling. You’re glad that you haven’t had much alcohol last night. The sharp pain in your lower stomach is already bad enough, you wouldn’t want to deal with both a headache and the awful cramps. 
You don’t know how, but you manage to drag yourself out of the comfort of your bed. When the pain in your stomach gets sharper, you suddenly regret the plans that you had made with your friends for today. 
Your heart leaps to your throat when your phone starts ringing. You don’t bother to hurry down the stairs to pick it up. You know who it is but you aren’t ready to talk to him. 
Eddie had done nothing wrong, he had never done anything wrong. 
But the thought of talking to him or even facing him fills you with an awful feeling, one that you can’t describe. You know you can’t run from it, you had made plans with Robin, Chrissy and Eddie. 
You let the phone ring and disappear into the bathroom, you close the door and drown out the voice of the shrill sound. 
You hope that a hot shower will help you get rid of that sickening feeling but your mind can’t rest and every time you think back to that kiss, you feel that immense guilt. Why? You wanted it, you wanted it just as much as he did. 
Steve is single and so are you, there is not a reason for you to feel guilty about something that you had wanted for so long. 
Or, maybe you feel guilty for doing this to yourself… again. Because why are you letting him back in? Why are you giving him the chance to hurt you again? 
It doesn’t matter how he feels about you, it doesn’t matter how much he loves you, it doesn’t matter, not anymore. 
He hurt you too many times for you to just let him back into your life like this. 
You cannot give him the chance to hurt you again. 
The clock strikes 2 when the doorbell rings. You furrow your brows when you look at the watch on your vanity, the one you never wear. Eddie is always on time when it comes to you but never when he picks up Robin first, she is always running late. You take one last look at yourself, fluffing out your hair a little more before you drop the lipgloss on the table. You smoothe down your skirt and reach for your little purse, picking out your favorite cardigan on the way out. 
The doorbell rings again when you walk down the stairs, “I’m coming!” You sigh. 
When you open the door, you don’t expect to see him on the other side. The smile that tugged at your lips instantly falls and tension arises in your body. 
“Hi.”
Steve. 
Your shoulders slump as you take in the sight of him. The soft and apologetic eyes, the hopeful look in his features. The messy hair. 
“Hey,” you whisper. 
“C-Can we talk?” 
You’d rather not. The fear that he will pull you back in is too big. 
“What about?” 
You keep holding onto the door, staring at him as you try to calm the feeling in your chest. He had already walked you home last night, even though you tried to protest against it, he could’ve talked to you then but he stayed quiet, you did too. 
He licks his lips as he looks down nervously. The atmosphere around you had changed yet again. You were ready to let him back into your life. You smiled at him again, you talked to him again, you wanted to be his friend – he ruined it all with a kiss and he knows it.
“I-I’m sorry, sweetheart.” 
As you look into his eyes, you know, you just know, he is genuine about it. There’s remorse lingering in them and fear – fear of losing you again. 
“Steve,” you sigh. 
“I-I wasn’t – I wasn’t thinking about how much I would hurt you again a-and, I-I just wanted, no, needed to kiss you again. I messed up, I was a selfish prick. And I promise, it won’t happen again if you don’t want it.” He is pleading with his eyes as he looks down at you, “I loved every second of it b-but I shouldn’t have done it. I-I just, please forgive me, dolly.”
Steve had never begged for forgiveness when you were still together, he had done so many awful things, he hurt you so many times but he never begged for forgiveness, he just dismissed them and moved on and acted like he had never done anything wrong. 
“I won’t ever do it again,” he says, even though kissing you is all he wants to do. “I just, I don’t want to lose you again.”
You don’t want to lose him again either. 
Something about the look in his eyes and the sadness in his voice makes you feel guilty. 
You nod. 
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah,” you breathe, “just, promise me that you won’t kiss me again.”
“I promise!” He exclaims with wide eyes, “I promise, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. I-I know that we’re not exactly friends but I-I’d love for us to be friends again.”
Right now, you don’t see the Steve that hurt you. You see the boy you used to play hide and seek with. The boy who used to pick flowers for you. The boy who used to pick you up in the afternoons to get sundaes at Benny’s. The boy you made a pact with when you were little kids – that you would stay friends, no matter what. 
And Steve really needs a friend. He doesn’t have Tommy anymore, he doesn’t have Nancy anymore – who is left?
“Steve?” 
“Yes?” He asks, furrowing his brows when you completely dismiss his words. 
“Who do you hang out with?” 
“No one,” he says without a single moment of hesitation. 
It might be his fault but you still feel bad for him. You and Tommy were his only friends and now he has neither one of you left. 
He has no one. 
No friends and not even his parents to come home to – they are never there.
Maybe it’s the image of him alone or maybe it’s just the look in his eyes that makes you feel heartbroken, sad for the man in front of you, the one who used to be your everything. 
Suddenly, you feel the need to keep the promise that you had made as kids. 
You open your mouth to speak but the sound of a car – a van pulling up to your driveway makes you freeze in your spot. Your heart leaps to your throat and you swallow harshly. 
Eddie.
Oh no. You had been ignoring his calls all day, breaking the promise that you would call after every party – you didn’t, at least not last night. You couldn’t. 
He gets out of the van and closes the door. You are so focused on him that you don’t see Chrissy and Robin on the other side of the van. Eddie stares at Steve’s car with a frown on his face and when he looks your way, he freezes. 
Steve notices the panicked look in your eyes, the nervousness is written all over your face. He turns around. Eddie stands there with a frown on his face, anger in his features and disappointment.
Robin and Chrissy share a look when they find Steve on your front porch. They are the firsts to walk towards you, glancing at Eddie nervously. 
You tear your eyes away from Eddie when Chrissy walks up the stairs, brushing past Steve, completely ignoring his presence. 
“Hey!” She smiles but with a questioning look in her eyes. You know what she is thinking; what is he doing here? 
“Hey Chris,” you smile and greet her with a hug. She places her hand on your shoulder when she pulls back, eying the skirt you are wearing, her eyes lighten up, “oh my god, is it the one we bought last week together?” 
“Yes!”
“I love it, it’s so cute!” 
“Don’t you have the same one?” Robin asks, chuckling as she approaches you, eying Steve weirdly. 
He rolls his eyes and sighs. 
“Yes but it’s not the same color, Robs!” 
Robin gives Chrissy a teasing smile before she looks over at you, “hey wild child, are you good after last night?” She tilts her head in his direction, raising her brows at you as though to say ‘what the fuck is he doing here?’ 
You would’ve laughed at the nickname she just gave you if it wasn’t for the intense look that Eddie is giving you as he walks up the stairs as well. You see his clenched jaw, he is angry – angry that you ignored his calls, angry to see him here. But there is also a hint of sadness in his brown orbs and you can’t take it – you can’t stand to see even a sliver of sadness in his eyes. 
He quickly masks it with something else, just the way he always does. 
“Thanks for the call, sweetheart,” he says sarcastically, furrowing his brows with a fake smile on his lips, “I mean for thanks for letting me know that you got home safe. Oh and super nice of you to keep ignoring my calls all day too.” 
You can’t even look at him so you look down. 
Steve’s brows stayed furrowed, the tension and the awkwardness isn’t hard to miss. Eddie looks at him in a way that almost makes him shrink under the weight of his eyes. So he turns back to you. You are blinking, chewing on your bottom lip and breathing heavily. You feel guilty, so guilty that you can’t even look at Eddie. Steve’s heart drops a little. He remembers how he felt when Nancy kissed him, how he couldn’t look into your eyes without feeling like the guilt was eating at him. He felt horrible, even when it wasn’t a kiss he initiated or even let happen, he still felt guilty, just as guilty as you are feeling, right now. 
But you and Eddie are just friends, right? 
Robin and Chrissy look at each other awkwardly. 
“Eddie, I-I’m sorry,” you say softly, “I had the worst headache–”
“Yeah, I can see that,” he mumbles, glancing at Steve.
Steve rolls his eyes at Eddie’s attitude. 
“Look, can we just go?” Robin asks, wanting to escape the awkward situation. 
“Yes please,” Chrissy mumbles. 
You look up, slowly looking between your friends. You already know that Robin and Chrissy are both going to be too busy with each other and Eddie is clearly pissed – you have seen him angry before but the anger was never directed at you and you know very well how he can be when he’s pissed.
Before you can stop the words from spilling, you look up at Steve. 
“Steve is coming too.”
All four of them turn to you, looking at you wide eyed – as though you had gone crazy. 
Chrissy looks annoyed, Robin looks confused, Eddie looks at you in disbelief and Steve, he stares at you with softened eyes. 
“I invited him,” you lie. 
Steve shakes his head at you, he doesn’t want you to feel like you have to include him, this is not what he came here for. He just wanted to apologize and make things right. 
Robin looks away with a clenched jaw and Chrissy looks down to hide her eye roll. 
“Can I talk to you, sweetheart?” Eddie asks, tilting his head. 
“Yeah,” you whisper, nervously. 
You walk past Steve and the girls, clutching your cardigan tightly as you step out on the porch. Eddie places his hand on your lower back and leads you down the stairs and towards his van. 
“Eddie, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to ignore you–”
“Did something happen?” He asks and finally swallows the anger down. He can hear the trembling in your voice, the shakiness of your hand which might be caused by something else. 
He feels the urge to cup your cheeks so he can see your eyes but you keep looking down at the graveled ground. 
You simply shake your head. 
“Why didn’t you call me?” He asks softly, this time. 
“I was really tired and I drank too much, I wasn’t thinking.”
You raise your head a little, daring to look at him. 
“You’re lucky Robin called me otherwise I would’ve broke into your house.”
Your lips twitch and you break into a smile, “wouldn’t be the first time.”
He can’t help but smile back at you, his anger melting away. 
“I-I’m sorry for inviting him, I know none of you want him around.”
“Then why did you invite him?” He asks, not out of anger but out of curiosity.
You can see the annoyance lingering in his eyes, the same annoyance you saw in Chrissy’s and Robin’s eyes. 
You don’t know why you feel the need to explain yourself but when you look at him, you know you have to. 
“He is just a friend now, I promise. I-I don’t want him like that – he’s just my friend.” 
Eddie’s eyes skip over your face. Your brows are furrowed, eyes pleading and filled with honesty – he just doesn’t understand what the guilt is for. 
“I still don’t understand why he has to be included.”
“He’s alone, Eddie.”
His brows knit together and he shakes his head. 
“No, he isn’t? He’s with Nancy and bitchy Carol and fucktard Tommy–”
“He broke up with Nancy and he doesn’t have friends. Not anymore.”
Oh. 
If there is one thing Eddie knows, it’s loneliness. And he can’t help but pity him. There isn’t much that he knows about Steve except for the things that you told him and his absent parents – it’s something that he unfortunately can relate to. He knows what it’s like to have no one. But fear grows inside of him at the news of Steve being single. 
“Fine, don’t expect me to not mess with him though.”
You roll your eyes, snorting at his words. 
“You two will be menaces to each other.” 
Whenever Eddie felt vulnerable, angry or hurt, he’d put on a mask, he would hide his true feelings by putting on a front. He had never felt that need to do that with you, not until now. 
He watches you with a weird feeling in his chest when you walk back to Steve. 
Robin gives Eddie a pitiful look but the latter refuses to show how insecure or sad he is. He puts on a fake smile and looks over at Steve. 
“I always wanted to take your girl for a ride.” 
Steve’s head snaps towards him, halting his movements, he stops jingling with his car keys and gives Eddie a weird look. 
“Excuse me?” 
Robin and Chrissy look at you before they turn to each other, erupting into a fit of giggles at the double innuendo. 
Eddie briefly glances at you before he nudges his chin into the direction of Steve’s BMW. 
Steve squints his eyes, “yeah, keep dreaming, Munson.”
Eddie chuckles, “I will.”
“Wait, are we taking your car?” You ask, turning to Steve. 
Robin mumbles something under her breath and Chrissy shushes her in response, nudging her shoulder. 
“Can we talk, y/n?” Steve asks.
“Yeah, at the movies.” 
You know exactly what he wants to talk about. He doesn’t want to intrude and he probably feels awkward to be around your friends. 
“Come on.”
Steve sighs, knowing that you won’t take no for an answer, he just gestures for you all to get in his car. He expects you to take the passenger seat but instead, you take Eddie’s hand in yours and lead him to the passenger side. 
“You can sit in the front,” you smile at Eddie as he looks down at you in confusion. 
“I’ll sit in the back with Chris and Robin.”
“Uh–” 
“Let’s go before the movie starts!” You say before anyone else can protest. 
Eddie and Steve share a look, not a very excited or happy one, it’s more one of annoyance. Neither of them want to spend time with the other. But they get in the car nonetheless. 
Chrissy and Robin get in as well, begrudgingly so. 
“Are we still going out for pizza afterwards?” Robin asks, looking between Chrissy, Eddie and you. 
Steve looks at you through the rearview mirror, seeing the way you scrunch your face up in disgust. 
“Yeah, we can order some when we get back to my place,” you mumble, “I definitely need some McDonald's today though.” 
Robin raises her brows in surprise, “what, is that hangover food for you or something?” 
Chrissy chuckles beside her. 
“Not exactly.”
No. It’s not your hangover food. Steve knows it. You only ever craved McDonald’s once a month. 
“Hey Robin, did you tell y/n about your new job yet?” She asks, trying to ease the tension in the car. 
Your lips part when you look over at your friend, “wait, what new job? You found something new?” 
“Yes!” Robin says, pretending to be excited, “I’m starting next week.”
“Where?”
“Scoops Ahoy!”
Chrissy smiles, nodding in excitement. 
Steve turns around, looking at you, surprised. His lips twitch and you almost laugh. Eddie glances between the two of you.
“Oh,” he furrows his brows, “the ice cream shop, huh?” 
“Yup.”
Robin doesn’t even acknowledge him properly, just nods into his direction. Oh, this is going to be interesting. 
“So, have you met your co-workers yet?” You ask. 
She twists the rings on her fingers, shaking her head. 
“Nope, I guess, I’ll meet them on monday.”
“You don’t have to,” you giggle.
“Huh?” 
The look of confusion amuses even Steve. 
You point your finger at Steve, who waves at Robin mockingly. 
Her eyes widen, for a moment she looks shocked before she lets out a groan of annoyance, “you gotta be kidding me..” 
“Hey there, co-worker,” Steve says, unable to hold back his chuckle. 
She slumps back, looking very miserable before her eyes light up and she sits back up, “wait! Does that mean that you have to wear one of those sailor uniforms too?”
At that, Steve groans and looks away. 
“Sailor uniforms?” 
“Come by on monday and you’ll see Steve in a pair of skimpy sailor shorts,” Robin winks at you. 
While you and Chrissy laugh and even Eddie joins in, smirking at Steve, “are you gonna wear some slutty shorts, Harrington?”
“Shut up,” Steve mumbles, closing his eyes. 
“Alright, alright,” Robin mumbles, “can you start the car, dingus? We’re gonna miss the movie!”
“Yeah,” he sighs as he starts the car.
-
The drive to the movies wasn't the most joyful one you’ve been on. Eddie kept pestering Steve about his music choices. Steve kept rolling his eyes at him and Chrissy and Robin kept whispering to you. 
‘Why is he here?’
‘Why did you invite him?’
‘Are you with him again?’ 
‘What about –’
You never got to hear the end of Robin’s question, Chrissy slapped her shoulder before she could finish it. 
Walking into the movie theater has always been a nostalgic feeling to you, it always takes you back to your childhood. It’s oddly comforting. The smell of popcorn and butter makes your mouth water and you can’t wait to dig into the sweet treat. 
After buying the tickets, Chrissy takes your hand and leads you over to the lounge area while the others go to buy the snacks. 
The moment you take a seat, she starts bombing you with questions again. Rambling and throwing one after the other at you, not even giving you the chance to reply. 
“Chrissy–”
“No, please don’t tell me that you’re getting back with him,” she says, crinkling your nose. She watched you cry over him more than once, even before the break up. 
You shake your head, “no,” you mumble, taking a look at the others as they stand by the counter. 
“I just – he’s different now.”
Chrissy scoffs at your words, rolling her eyes. 
“Right, they all change when they get dumped.”
“He didn’t get dumped, he broke up with Nancy – and it doesn’t even matter! I don’t want to date him, I-I just, we’re friends now, I guess.”
Chrissy knows that Steve had always been more than just your boyfriend. He was your best friend, long before she became friends with you. 
“I just don’t want him to hurt you again, y/n.”
You tilt your head and smile at her, “please, don’t worry about me. I won’t let that happen, not again. We’re friends. That’s all.”
She nods at your words and glances at the others. Steve and Eddie seem to be fighting about something, she can’t help but chuckle in amusement. 
Eddie rolls his eyes at Steve, leaning closer to him to mock him about something. 
“What’s so funny?” 
She tilts her head at you, “well, I guess, Steve tagging along makes things more entertaining.”
With furrowed brows, you take a look at them – Eddie is holding a bag of popcorn in one hand, throwing some at Steve with the other.
“Guys!” You hear Robin’s annoyed voice. 
You snort. 
Robin is the first to come back, annoyance written all over her face,“they are so immature.”
She hands Chrissy the bag of popcorn and a box of Reese's pieces. 
“They’re men, what do you expect?”
“You’re right,” Robin says to Chrissy. 
“Sweetheart, tell Steve that you prefer salted popcorn,” Eddie says when he comes back, “he insisted on sweet popcorn.” 
Steve rolls his eyes at Eddie, stopping next to him. 
“Here we go again,” Robin mumbles under her breath. 
Steve already knows your answer so he doesn’t even look at you expectedly. Eddie seems to look like he knows your answer too and he does, but today it isn’t the right one. 
“Uh.” You get up and look at your best friend with an apologetic look in your eyes as you reach for the bag in Steve’s hand. “I’m sorry…”
Eddie’s eyes flash with confusion and his face falls. If you didn’t feel so guilty already, you would’ve been amused by the look of betrayal on his face. He is so dramatic. You’d be lying if you said that it’s something you don’t love about him though.
“W-What?” He scoffs as his lips set in a pout, “we always get salted popcorn!” 
“Yeah and it’s my favorite but I’m craving something sweet today. I’m sorry, Ed’s.”
Eddie rolls his eyes and looks away from you, “and how did you know that?” He asks Steve. 
Steve could have been smug about it, especially, seeing as it makes Eddie mad. 
He shrugs, “it’s just something that we always used to get when we came here,” he lies. 
Suddenly, you want to run, you want to escape. So you grab your purse and leave the group, pretending to look at the ticket that you were holding all this time. Chrissy gets up to follow you and so does Steve. 
Robin and Eddie stay back though, glancing at each other.
It’s not that they hate him. They don’t. But they know what he did to you, they know how much he hurt you, how much you suffered because of him and he had done nothing to earn your trust back. He just weaseled his way back into your life and you let him. 
And despite his jealousy and the fear of losing you, Eddie still isn’t as angry as Robin is – because he thinks about your words; ‘He’s alone, Eddie.’
Eddie and Robin follow the three of you, he watches you, he watches how you interact with Steve and Chrissy, laughing at something he said. 
“I’m so fucking pissed,” Robin says. 
“Why?” He asks but keeps his eyes on you. 
“Because he will just hurt her again. I can’t believe she feels bad for him after the shit he did to her.”
“Well, can’t really fight her when she’s this stubborn,” Eddie shrugs. 
“Yeah, but he doesn’t want to be friends with her – I mean, when Billy kissed her he was like all rough and shit, and then Heather – fuck, when Heather told me she kissed Steve, I was fuming!” She says, looking up as she groans in anger. 
Eddie feels like someone had dropped a bucket of ice cold water over him. He freezes and halts in his tracks, eyes widening as he feels his heart sinking to his stomach. 
“W-What?” Eddie mumbles. 
Robin stops walking when she notices that Eddie is no longer beside her. She glances at the three of you before she turns back to him and sees the look of confusion and sadness in his eyes – fuck. She should have known. She should’ve known that you didn’t tell him. That is why you didn’t call him. That is why you didn’t pick up any of his calls. 
“S-She kissed Steve a-and Billy?” He asks with widened eyes, “please, tell me you’re joking, Robin.”
Robin’s own eyes widen as well and she starts shaking her head wildly, “no! It was spin the bottle.” 
A part of him feels relieved but the other part is still tense. His eyes begin to hurt. 
He curses at himself for not being there last night. You wouldn’t have to kiss Billy if he was there, you wouldn’t have to kiss Steve. 
“B-But it was just a game, right?”
A guilty feeling overcomes Robin and she already begins to regret that she even mentioned it. 
She wants to say ‘yes, it was just a game’ but Robin was never a good liar and even if she tried, he would know that she is not telling the truth. 
“It was just a game,” Eddie repeats, “her kissing Steve was just a game, right?” 
He doesn’t even care about Billy, the kiss with him was just a game. 
“Eddie–”
“Come on, Robin,” he mumbles, shakily. 
He knows he has no right to be upset over a kiss. You are not even his to lose. But he always hoped, deep down, he always hoped that there might be a chance for him someday. 
“She told me that he kissed her again afterwards – outside.”
Eddie’s shoulders slump, his heart feels heavy in his chest. He feels so stupid to think that you wouldn’t do this. You could only resist him for so long. Steve Harrington still has your heart after all. 
“But Eddie, I don’t think that it meant anything to her. She rejected him and then came to find me.”
Her words do nothing to make him feel better. 
Robin looks at him, anxiously. She knows how resentful Eddie can be when he’s hurt and by the look on his face, she knows that he is deeply hurt. 
“Are you guys coming?” Chrissy asks, interrupting Robin who was just about to say something. 
Eddie looks down with a clenched jaw. He doesn’t even want to be here anymore. 
“Yeah. Come on, Eddie.”
Eddie follows begrudgingly. He knows that he shouldn’t feel that way. It shouldn’t hurt as much. You are still just friends after all, you are not his girlfriend, you are not his, your heart isn’t his. 
You never gave any signs that you wanted him back, not even once. 
He shouldn’t be this upset. He shouldn’t feel so jealous. 
But it isn’t just the kiss or the kisses. 
You have only spent one evening with Steve, kissed him twice and you are already distancing yourself from him. Ignoring him and his calls. He is already losing you. 
His mood only gets worse when he finds you sitting next to him, giggling at something he said to you. He rolls his eyes and sits down on the other side of you. 
You turn away from Steve and towards him, smiling at him, “hey.”
“Hey,” he grumbles. 
He doesn’t even see the creased brows or the saddened look in your eyes, he’s staring at the white screen. 
“How was the campaign last night?” 
“Good.”
“Okay,” you mumble and lean back again, you frown in confusion. Is he this upset over some salted popcorn? 
Steve looks over at Eddie, his jaw is clenched, he blinks faster than usual, he is pissed. He was pissed before but not like this, he seemed to have calmed down on the drive here and even while they were at the counter, buying snacks, he seemed fine and even laughed and teased him, now he just looks angry. 
He glances at Robin who sits next to him, she is chewing on her bottom lip and bouncing her knee, completely ignoring Chrissy’s rambling. The room might be dark, but Steve can see the guilt in her eyes. 
“Hey Robin,” he whispers. 
She rolls her eyes at him, “what?”
“You didn’t tell Eddie about the kiss did you?” He whispers, careful that you aren’t listening. 
She freezes a little and that is enough of an answer. Shit. Steve doesn’t really care about Eddie or about what he feels. He understands him but he still doesn’t care. 
He cares about you. Back at your house, he saw the way you avoided Eddie’s eyes, the way you looked so scared and guilty, you were scared of his reaction that’s why you avoided him. You didn’t want him to know. 
Now he knows and you don’t know that he does. 
“Are you not gonna tell me about it?” Steve hears you asking him. 
Eddie doesn’t even glance at you, he only leans further away from you. 
“I would’ve told you if you picked up the fucking phone last night.”
You’re taken aback by the anger in his words, by the curse words that he never ever directed at you. 
Normally, you would have said something but the guilt that you are still feeling makes you unable to talk. Besides, you are too intimidated to say anything back, scared that he will lash out on you because, clearly, he is deeply upset about something. 
Steve watches how you turn away from him, you roll your eyes but the sadness gives away how hurt you are by Eddie’s attitude towards you. 
Steve glares at Eddie, the urge to whack him across his curly head is strong. 
He nudges your shoulder and gives you a soft smile when you look at him, “you okay?” 
You hesitate, “...yes.”
Eddie narrows his eyes to look at the two of you and he keeps doing it during the whole movie. 
Normally, you would comment on certain scenes, so would he. Normally, you would laugh together and you would lean your head on his shoulder, he would wrap his arm around you. 
Today, he leans away from you and after a few attempts to talk to him or make him laugh, you give up when he keeps brushing you off. You lean away from him as well. He doesn’t comment on anything and neither do you anymore. He is still pissed and you are still tense, your mind is filled with thoughts that you don’t want to think about and despite the painkillers you took earlier, your stomach is still cramping. You are hurting today. 
Despite the funny moments in the movie, you cannot laugh, in fact, you feel like crying – whether it’s your period making you overly emotional or just Eddie.
Eddie is giving you the cold shoulder and it hurts, it fucking hurts. 
He had never done anything like that to you before. 
You have been close friends for almost a year now and not once had he said or done anything to hurt you. But now, he is giving you the silent treatment, the cold shoulder and you can’t stand it because it’s something that Steve used to do to you. 
Whenever he was upset about something, he wouldn’t talk, he wouldn’t tell you what was going on in his mind, he wouldn’t tell you what you did wrong, he would simply give you the cold shoulder and ignore you for the rest of the day.
And now Eddie is doing the same to you. 
Eddie who you thought would never do this. 
The moment the credits start rolling, you jump up from the seat and push past Eddie. You rush out of the room after making up some excuse that you have to use the bathroom. 
“Is she okay?” Chrissy asks Eddie. 
“How would I know?” He snaps at her and gets up as well, leaving the others behind as he makes his way out as well. 
Chrissy scrunches her face up and looks at Robin, “what’s gotten into him?”
“Jesus..” Steve runs his fingers through his hair, “what a brat.” 
“Who?” Chrissy asks as she takes a proper look at his face for the first time today, “Eddie?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re right,” she mutters under her breath as she gets up, “I can’t believe I’d ever agree with you.”
Steve isn’t offended by her words. He knows that your friends never liked him and he doesn’t blame them. They have always been protective of you and of your feelings, something that he wasn’t when you were dating. 
“Let’s just go,” Robin says, “I need the pizza now.”
After some internal pep talk and five minutes of trying to keep yourself from breaking down, you leave the bathroom and step back into the empty hallway – almost empty hallway. You are almost startled by his presence. Out of all your friends, you didn’t expect to see him waiting for you. 
You halt in your tracks. He is looking at you the same way he did when he just came to your place. 
Eddie looks at your eyes, he notices the glassiness right away, whether you cried or not, he feels awful, despite the jealousy and the anger that he is still feeling. 
“Who pissed in your coffee this morning?” You finally snap at him. 
If he wasn’t so on edge already, he would’ve laughed and he would’ve loved the cute frown on your face. 
If he didn’t have a sleepless night, he maybe wouldn’t have been so pissed but the sleepless night was your fault. 
Even through the angry haze, he can see how beautiful you look today – you always look beautiful but something about the way you look today makes his heart race even faster. Maybe it’s the new skirt or maybe it’s the way you did your makeup or the fact that you are wearing his ring – you always wear it but, somehow, it means even more to him that you are wearing it today, even after the kiss with him. 
Eddie never gets to answer your question. 
Your friends join the two of you and interrupt your little tense moment. 
“Let’s go, we’re gonna order some pizza.”
You tear your eyes away from his, sighing as you walk past him. 
“Yeah, can we order? I don’t feel like eating there.”
Robin and Chrissy nod. They pull you away from Eddie and Steve. 
Both men stay behind for a moment, Eddie looks at the ground, a mixture of guilt and anger still deep in his features. 
Steve wants to say something and he opens his mouth but decides against it. Anything that he will say, will only anger the metalhead even further and he doesn’t want to risk making things worse.
So he turns around and walks away. 
You are surprised to see Robin and Steve sharing a knowing look when you all get back into his car, they both take a look at Eddie, who is silent, unlike on the drive here. 
Chrissy leans closer to you, she cups her hand over her mouth, “did something happen between you and Eddie?” She whispers, giving you a look of concern and confusion. 
You shake your head at her and shrug. You are just as confused. 
Her eyes soften when she sees the worry and the hurt in your eyes, she gives you a sad smile and takes ahold of your hand, trying to comfort you. 
Your lips twitch, you squeeze her hand back before you turn away, looking out the window instead. 
The day started off good, the sun was shining and the breeze was warm but, just like your mood, the weather had taken a turn for the worse. The clouds appeared like dark shadows over the pretty blue sky and the breeze turned into a harsh wind. It isn’t raining yet but you know it’s about to start falling any minute.
Somehow, the weather always matches your mood. 
“I thought we were getting pizza?”
You were so focused on watching the clouds move, you didn’t pay attention to where you were driving. 
Your eyes light up a little when you see the McDonald’s sign. 
“Y/n doesn’t want pizza,” Steve says as he pulls into the drive through, “she wanted burgers.”
For a moment, you forget about Eddie’s anger, the pain in your stomach or the guilt. Your eyes widen and a smile tugs at your lips, you have been craving burgers and fries all day. 
“Oh! Fries too, please, Stevie!” 
You don’t hear Eddie’s scoff over Steve’s chuckle, “I know, dolly.”
Eddie rolls his eyes and clenches his fist.
“Does anyone want anything?” 
Eddie mumbles a ‘no’. 
Robin simply shakes her head and Chrissy leans closer to Robin to look out the window, reading the menu board. 
“Oh, can I have a strawberry milkshake?” Chrissy asks shyly, already reaching for the walled in her purse but you stop her, placing your hand over hers. 
“I got it, Chris.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Steve mumbles, looking over his shoulder, he glances at you both, “I’ll pay.”
She raises her brows, forcing a smile as she mumbles a quiet ‘thanks’. 
Robin is awfully quiet and you just notice it now when Chrissy leans back and you get to take a look at her. She keeps running her fingers through her hair, looking out the window with tense shoulders, just like Eddie. 
What the hell is going on?
Chrissy looks just as clueless as you though.
When Steve hands you the bag and the milkshake, a few minutes later, you almost squeal in excitement. Chrissy laughs at the look on your face and takes the milkshake from your hand. 
“Do you wanna share?” She asks, offering you the drink after taking the paper off the straw. 
“No thanks, I need the fries now.” You rip open the bag, the smell of greasy food makes your mouth water, “I’m so hungry,” you mumble as you reach for the fries. 
“Want some?” You ask Chrissy and Robin, “I’ll share, it’s too much for me anyways.” 
Robin shakes her head, “nah, I’ll wait for the pizza.”
Chrissy takes some, “you’re missing out, Robin.”
“Right?” You mumble through a mouthful, “you gotta dip them, Chris.”
“Not in a strawberry milkshake though!” She laughs, “it’s gotta be vanilla.”
Steve glances at you through the rearview mirror. His heart flutters when he sees the smile on your face. 
“Do you guys want some?” You ask, offering some to Steve and Eddie.
“It’s all yours, hangry,” Steve chuckles, using an old nickname. 
“I’m not hangry!” You slap his shoulder. 
“You want some Eddie?” You ask softly. 
He shakes his head, continuing to give you the cold shoulder. So he really is mad at you. Eddie never says no to fries, he steals some from your plate every time you go out to eat – or he finishes the ones that are left on your plate when you get too full to finish eating them yourself. 
You exhale and slump back in your seat, feeling sad all over again. 
You look down at the fries, suddenly, not feeling as hungry as you did before. Still, you continue snacking on the fries, choosing to save the burger for later. 
Chrissy looks at you worriedly when you frown and look down at your food, sadly, not as happy as you did a few moments back. She knows that you had been struggling in the past few months, you haven’t been eating as much and whenever you do, you quickly lose your appetite. Whether it’s the past memories that take away your appetite or something else – you have a problem. A problem that Eddie usually tries to help you with. 
She doesn’t know what happened but she can’t help but glare at the metalhead. 
But Robin is acting off too, so when you finally arrive back at your place and you all walk into your house. Chrissy takes Robin’s hand and pulls her away to the dining room to talk to her. 
“We’re gonna order the pizza!” Chrissy shouts as they disappear in the hallway. 
“Uh – okay.” 
Throwing your cardigan and your purse on the dresser, you walk into the living room. 
“Should I get some drinks?” Steve asks you, following you. 
“I can do it–”
“No, sit down, I’ll get some,” Steve mumbles, giving you a smile before he walks past you, disappearing in the kitchen. 
You reach for the remote to turn on some music on the TV, you always need the background noise, even in a room full of people. From the corner of your eye, you see him. You are surprised that he’s still here, you figured that he’d take his van and leave the moment Steve parked the car in your driveway. 
A part of you wants to say something but the other part doesn’t. You don’t want to give him the silent treatment back, you are just scared of his explanation. 
On the way home, you kept trying to figure out what made him so angry. 
Did he know about the kiss? Did Robin tell him? Is he upset about that?
Even if he knows, he can’t be upset about it – even when you think about what Nancy said to you, it still makes no sense. Why would he be upset? You aren’t together. You are not his girlfriend. 
Then again, it doesn’t explain your guilty feeling either. Just like you aren’t his, he isn’t yours. You have no reason to feel so guilty about kissing Steve – you can kiss whoever you want. 
Besides, you went on a date with Ray and even kissed him before he turned into a major douchebag – Eddie never got upset about the fact that you wanted to go on a date. So he can’t be upset about this either, right?
It has to be something else. 
Is he sick of you?
Did he finally realize that you aren’t worth his time?
Did he have a sudden change of heart just like Steve did when he went from loving boyfriend to awful boyfriend overnight?
Did your radio silence piss him off that much?
He is still standing by the doorway. 
You can’t help but roll your eyes at him and of course, it doesn’t go unnoticed by him. You still don’t say anything though, too afraid to make things worse. 
The tugging in your chest gets even worse, if that is even possible. 
“What’s wrong, dolly?” 
All appetite is lost the moment you hear the mocking in his voice. You still blame your emotions on your period but deep down, you know that it’s not that. 
You feel the coil in your throat, the hollow feeling in your stomach and the sickness in your chest. You don’t know whether you want to throw up or break into tears. 
You can’t take this, not from him. 
His words weren’t even bad or offending in any way but to hear the tone in his voice, to receive the cold shoulder from someone who you wouldn’t hesitate to give your everything to, makes you feel like you’re taken back to Halloween – where it all fell apart.
“Did you have fun last night?” 
His question makes you frown. For the first time, you look at Eddie with a glare. 
“I did.”
“Yeah, I figured,” he scoffs and looks away. 
What the hell?
Chrissy and Robin walk into the room, both looking a little tense. 
“Uh, pizza is ordered,” Chrissy says awkwardly. 
She notices your heavy breathing and the way you are blinking quickly. The way you keep glancing at Eddie who refuses to look at you. 
Steve comes back into the room with a few cans of coke, he places them on the small table. Steve’s presence seems to anger Eddie even further and Chrissy is starting to get annoyed by the attitude that spawned out of nowhere. 
“Hey, are you okay?” Chrissy asks you. 
Eddie is not looking at you. He isn’t even glancing at you. He doesn’t care. Why doesn’t he care anymore? What happened? 
Your eyes burn. You can’t sit here any longer, you get up and walk away. 
“Hey, do you not want to eat your food?” Steve asks, pointing to the takeout on the table. 
“Not hungry,” you mumble. 
“But, you haven’t eaten all day!”
Suddenly, Eddie feels even worse than he did before. He let his anger control him, all fucking day. 
Steve sees your trembling lip and the tears in your eyes when you look back for a split second before you brush past Eddie and disappear into the hallway. 
Chrissy calls out for you, jumping up from the couch, she runs after you, bumping into Eddie on purpose with a death glare. 
He looks down with a sigh. 
Steve has had enough of his behavior. He shakes his head in disbelief before he walks over to him, startling Eddie by grabbing his shoulder roughly, pushing him forward. 
“What the fuck, dude?” Eddie snaps at him, trying to push Steve’s hands off of him but the latter has a strong grip on him and he pushes him towards the entrance, ripping the door open, he pushes him out. 
For a moment, Eddie thinks that he’s getting kicked out. 
Robin jumps up, looking panicked as she watches them both leaving the house. She follows behind, opening the door that Steve just slammed shut. 
“What the hell is your problem?” Eddie asks, pushing Steve’s hands off with force.
“What’s my problem?” Steve chuckles in disbelief, pointing to himself. 
Eddie scoffs and looks away. 
“Get your fucking jealousy in check before you keep hurting her!” Steve yells over the harsh rain that is falling. 
“She is not – I-I’m not..”
“Yes, you fucking are. You were fine before the movie, so I’m guessing you –” he points at Robin, who breaks eye contact right away and slumps, “told him something and I have a pretty fucking good idea of what it is!”
Eddie’s shoulders slump, he looks down, his eyes are burning. 
“It’s just–” Eddie’s words get cut short because what can he say? How can Eddie tell him he is mad because he can’t compare himself to Steve Harrington? How can he tell him that he isn’t just jealous but also hurting? How can Eddie say anything at all when he has no chance whatsoever? 
For a split second, Steve is able to see through Eddie, the look in his eyes gives it all away. 
“Eddie,” he sighs, hurting himself with what he is about to say. He could lie to him, he could leave it all like this, be your knight in shining armor and pick you up after today but he won’t use Eddie’s insecurities and your vulnerability to weasel his way back into your heart. 
Steve looks up, taking a deep breath. 
“She pushed me away when I kissed her and I think we all know why.” 
Eddie’s eyes widen. 
“Now get your ass up there and fix it,” Steve says angrily. 
A million questions run through Eddie’s mind but now is not the time to ask them. Steve won’t take no for an answer. He simply nods before he walks back into the house. 
Robin crosses her arms over her chest, she is impressed by Steve. She’s a little surprised, she expected a fight to break out, she didn’t expect this to be cut… so short.
“Good job, Dingus.” 
He rolls his eyes at her, “let’s get inside.”
Chrissy is standing in front of the bathroom door, leaning against it as she keeps trying to convince you to come out. 
“Please, y/n,” she sighs, softly. 
Eddie eyes the cheerleader warily, for someone with such a kind face, she sure gave him the kind of death glare that even intimidated him. 
He takes a deep breath. 
“Can I try?”
She turns around at the sound of his voice, snapping her head up with a frown. Her brows knit together, her mouth twists and she rolls her eyes but steps away from the door nonetheless. 
“Yeah,” she mumbles, “don’t mess it up, Munson.”
That is a threat. Yeah, with the look on her face, it definitely is a threat. 
He really messed up. 
He knocks on the door softly, closing his eyes as he tries to calm his breathing. 
“Sweetheart,” he speaks with a much gentler voice than before, “can we talk?”
Silence. 
“Please?”
He opens his eyes when the faint click of the lock sounds through the hallway. He grabs the doorknob and twists it, he opens the door and steps inside. You are sitting on the edge of the bathtub, wiping away the tears that keep rolling down your cheeks – because of him. 
But why? Why would you cry over him? 
You look up at him with glossy eyes and you rise to your feet. 
“D-Do you hate me Eddie?” 
His eyes widen and he shakes his head quickly.
Eddie doesn’t even hesitate, he immediately pulls you into a tight hug. His own heart breaks, not once in his life did he think he would hurt you but, here he was, causing you pain because of his own selfishness.
He can feel you clinging to him, your arms are wrapped tightly around him, your tears are seeping through his shirt but he doesn’t mind. 
“No baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was just being stupid,” he sighs, not even noticing the nickname that rolled off his tongue so naturally. 
“I don’t want to lose you, Eddie.”
The trembling in your voice and the sadness makes his heart hurt even more. 
Not once in his life was anyone ever scared to lose him, yet, here you are, the girl that he loves, scared to lose him. You could have anyone, you could have Steve but you are scared to lose him. 
Whether it’s platonically or not – you are scared to lose him and that has to mean something. 
“You won’t lose me, I promise, you won’t,” he whispers and kisses the top of your head. “I’m so sorry – fuck,” he blinks his own tears away, hating himself for what he did. “I’m such an asshole.”
You only hug him tighter in response. 
“No, you’re not,” you mumble, “just don’t do it again.”
“I won’t. I promise, I won’t.”
“I’m so–”
“Stop apologizing. Just hold me,” you mumble into his chest, “we can talk later.”
“Okay,” he whispers, hugging you even tighter. 
This is what you need. To be held and comforted by him. 
You lean your chin on his chest and look up at him, “will you stay with me tonight?” 
For some reason, your question has him stunned.
You have had sleepovers before, many sleepovers in fact. But, something feels different. He doesn’t know what it is but something has shifted. 
Something has shifted between the two of you after last night, he felt it earlier already and he feels it now as well.
His heart thumps wildly in his chest and he’s sure that you can feel it because he can feel yours.
“Yeah, I’ll stay with you.”
-
tagging mutuals
@taintedcigs @mysticmunson @wroteclassicaly @corrodedcorpses @corrodedseraphine @xxhellfirebunnyxx @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @sherrylyn628 @nemesis729 @succubusmunson @chrissymjstan @somethingvicked
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bird-inacage · 5 months ago
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Love Sea Episode 5 | "Get out. Get out!"
Peat's performance in this entire sequence was superb. Probably some of his best work so far. This truly encapsulates the saying 'hurt people hurt others'.
Tongrak is so overcome by what he's feeling, he looks physically smothered, like a caged animal fighting against his own mind. He's trying so desperately not to be affected by the confrontation but it has inevitably gotten to him.
In the midst of this, he tells Mut very clearly to stay away. One, because he understandably wants to be alone. But two, he knows he can't control his emotions right now and so he's likely to lash out. And that's exactly what he ends up doing. So on top of everything else, he now feels immensely guilty and frustrated that Mut didn't heed his warning and leave him be. He just has to hurt one person here who cares about him.
The final scene at the dining table really hit me hard. Because I've been exactly there before and I'm sure others can relate too. When you feel so immensely helpless and alone, the silence of the four walls around you seems desperately cruel. At such a low point, even the tiniest gesture of kindness can threaten to break you down.
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I Know Places.
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Synopsis - Jake always joked that he'd kill for you. One fateful day, he does just that.
Pairing - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Female Reader (Callsign - Ivy) - Bonnie&Clyde inspired au
Warnings - cursing. very near SA. mentions of abuse/assault. mentions of blood, gunshots and violence. mentions of suicide. please, do not read if any of these warnings will affect you.
Age Rating - 18+
Word Count - 3.1k
Author's Note - i'm not sure what happened, because this was really fluffy in my head. it ended up kind of dark, but i'm rolling with it. i like writing a different side of jake. just in time for halloween too. this was written for @laracrofted 1989TGM celebration!! <3
as always, reblogs, comments and feedback (even anonymous feedback) are immensely appreciated!! your reblogs are the only way to circulate my fics, which keeps me going <3
Masterlist. Inbox.
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You stand with your hand on my waistline
It's a scene, and we're out here in plain sight
I can hear them whisper as we pass by
It's a bad sign, bad sign
Jake's always had impeccable timing.
He'd tell you, later, that he sensed it. Just knew. Felt it in his gut, some sort of warning from the universe. He had to get to you.
The Admiral has you half bent over the desk in his office, fingers twisted into your underwear. He's trying to pull them down your legs when the door swings open.
You're paralysed, frozen with fear. The look on your face must tell Jake enough. He gets the message, understands your silent communication.
The Admiral stops. Backs away. As if putting distance between you will erase what he's been caught doing. Trying to do.
You expect Jake to yell, fight, throw The Admiral across the room by his collar. You expect blood, bruises, broken skin and bared teeth.
All you're met with is silence.
Jake strides across the room towards you. Fixes your clothes, smooths down your hair. Wipes the tears from your cheeks. He snakes a hand around your waist and guides you out of the door. Not a word said.
Something happens when everybody finds out
See the vultures circling, dark clouds
Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out
It could burn out
"He'll ruin my career."
You're tucked into Jake's lap, legs slung over his hips as he holds you close. His rough fingertips run themselves up and down your spine, comforting and gentle. You inhale his musk, letting the familiarity fill your lungs.
"You didn't do anything wrong, baby."
"That won't matter."
The two of you are whispering, hushed voices bouncing off the furniture. You're alone together in Jake's living room. There's no one else around. You think he's scared he'll spook you. You're right.
"I worked so hard for this, Jake. I sacrificed everything to get into Top Gun."
"I know, baby."
"I can't lose it all."
He presses a tender kiss to your forehead, brushing your hair back from your eyes.
"What do you want to do? Report him?"
"Jake, you're not listening to me. He'll ruin my career."
"But he's the guilty one. Not you."
"Yeah, well. This is the way it works. Men can assault you and still play the victim."
You're frustrated, now. There's something bubbling, running through your veins. You can't put your finger on it. It feels like more than rage. Whatever it is, it's lethal.
You climb off Jake's lap and stand, pacing across the carpet.
"What am I supposed to do?" you murmur, tears threatening to spill.
Jake can't stand the wobble in your voice. It tightens something in his chest, pulls at his heartstrings. He was furious, before. He's just sad now.
"I'll do anything you ask," he tells you, standing up to cradle your face in his hands. "Anything in the world."
"I know."
And you do. That's what it's like, being with Jake. He loves so entirely, with his whole being. Every fibre of his heart belongs to you. It beats to the rhythm of your name.
"Just tell me what you wanna do, baby. I'm on your side. No matter what."
You lean up to kiss him, his lips soft and careful against yours.
"I'm not sure, yet. When I know, you'll know."
Jake sits back down on the couch, pulling you with him. You tuck yourself into his side, fitting there perfectly. He slings an arm around your waist and keeps you close, holding you a little tighter than usual.
Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes
And guns
They are the hunters, we are the foxes
And we run
"We should kill him."
You're strewn across Jake's chest, tangled in the sheets. Your limbs and hearts are intertwined, bodies drenched in sweat and lungs heaving.
"What?"
You sit up, pulling the comforter up and over your body slightly to combat the chill of the ocean breeze that's filtering through the open window.
"Let's kill him."
You look over to your boyfriend, waiting for the punchline. It never comes.
"Jake."
He turns to you, the most serious you've ever seen him. There's a look in his eye you've never seen before. It's dark. You're vaguely aware you should probably feel fear - but all you feel is anticipation.
"How many girls do you think he's done this to before you? How many will come after?"
You swallow, biting at your lips.
"He needs to be stopped, baby. You and I both know they won't fire him. He needs to be taken out of the equation altogether."
You realise, suddenly, that the thing you're worried about isn't the morality of the situation. It's the logistics. You don't want to get caught.
"Do you think we're smart enough to get away with murder?"
"Baby," he drawls, brushing his knuckles over your cheekbone. "We're a hell of a lot smarter than people give us credit for."
You know he's right. People underestimate both you and Jake. Everyone assumes he's nothing but a pretty face and toned muscles. That you're just his pilot girlfriend, seduced by his Southern charm and the fact that he's good in bed.
It seems like a challenge, now. You want to do this. You want to see if you can get away with it. You're already on the precipice of losing everything - why not go out with a bang?
"How would we do it?" you ask, leaning in closer to the blonde man next to you.
He thinks for a moment, running his fingers up and down your bare thighs.
"I say we make it look like a suicide. Shoot him in the head and frame it so it looks self inflicted."
You nod, processing.
"I think we should hold him at gunpoint first. Get him to write a confession, some sort of letter. That way, there's no confusion as to what happened."
"You're a genius," Jake grins, dipping down to kiss you.
He slips his tongue into your mouth effortlessly, sighing when he tastes himself from earlier. You straddle his waist and tangle your fingers into his hair, desperate to be close to him.
Both of you are high on adrenaline, buzzed on the anticipation of what's to come.
Baby, I know places we won't be found and
They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down
'Cause I, I know places we can hide
I know places
I know places
Murder isn't as hard as you thought it'd be.
Careful planning. Airtight alibis. Reassurance and recon.
You and Jake have created the perfect crime.
The two of you show up to The Admiral's office on an evening you know he'll be working late. He's doing paperwork when you arrive.
You walk in first. Jake follows, and locks the door behind him.
The Admiral goes to speak, but you silence him with a handgun pointed at his chest.
"Speak, and you die."
He doesn't say another word.
Jake takes the gun from your hand and walks around the desk, pressing it into his superiors temple.
"We need a couple of things from you," he begins. "Just a favour or two."
The Admiral is sweating, pale and rigid. He looks scared. It sends a rush of adrenaline through you. You're enjoying this. Jake is too, judging by the beaming grin on his face.
"Grab a pen, and some paper. We're about to do some creative writing."
Jake orchestrates the letter. Gets him to write exactly what you need. Notes down the brutality, the arrogance, the abuse of power. He makes him recount every incident, not just yours. You're there for what feels like hours, as his shaky hands move the pen across the paper.
Finally, he finishes. Dots the I's and crosses the T's. Jake chuckles.
"Wonderful. And for the last part of this joyous evening were having together, my girlfriend is gonna shoot you."
The Admiral chokes on his breath. Looks to you with fear in his eyes. Finally, you think. He understands how it felt.
He goes to open his mouth, but you stop him.
"Don't beg. Don't plead. It's pathetic."
"We made up our mind weeks ago," Jake adds. "You're not going to deter us now."
You smile at your boyfriend, giddy over the way he's protecting you, saving you, loving you.
"I'm going to enjoy this," you whisper.
You take the gun from Jake and press it to The Admiral's temple. You know the silencer will muffle the noise - you really have thought of everything.
You click off the safety, and lean down so your mouth is next to his ear.
"This is for all of the women you hurt."
You pull the trigger.
He dies instantly.
Lights flash and we'll run for the fences
Let them say what they want, we won't hear it
Loose lips sink ships all the damn time
Not this time
In another life, you and Jake could have been actors.
You're all called into the briefing room the next day, gathered together in confusion.
Admiral Simpson stands in front of your class - pale as a sheet, dark circles bruised under his eyes.
"There's been a situation, and we want you to hear it from us," he begins. "I ask that you all keep this to yourselves, where possible. Don't talk to any media, don't gossip, don't spread rumours. Understood?"
When you all nod, he continues.
"The Admiral is dead."
The room goes silent. Jake's hand finds yours under the table. To anyone on the outside, it looks like a boyfriend supporting his girlfriend. To you, it's something different.
It feels like time stands still. The world stops turning, suspending you in the present moment. Eventually, Rooster speaks.
"What happened?"
Beau clears his throat, swiping his hand over his face.
"He took his own life."
There are whispers now, hushed and clipped. Everyone is in a state of shock and confusion. Everyone, except for you and the blonde man next to you. He squeezes your hand tightly, refusing to let go.
"Of course, there will be an investigation. But, it seems pretty obvious to us what happened. If anyone in this room has been effected by the actions of The Admiral that have come to light... please, speak to me, or any other of your superiors. Thank you. "
He exits the room, leaving all of you in palpable silence.
"What the fuck?" Payback mutters. "What did he mean, 'actions that have come to light?'"
"There's rumours," Phoenix begins. "He had a... soft spot, for young female pilots. People have been whispering about it for months."
Suddenly, all eyes are on you. You're the only other woman in the room besides Natasha, and she clearly wasn't involved.
"Did he ever... try anything with you, Ivy?"
"No," you're quick to answer. "No. Thank God."
The room breathes a collective sigh of relief.
If only they knew.
they take their shots, but we're bulletproof I know places
and you know for me, it's always you I know places
in the dead of night, your eyes so green I know places
and I know for you, it's always me I know places
A month later, you snap.
Jake comes home to find you frantically shoving clothes into a duffel bag, sweat dripping down your back.
"Baby," he tries, cautious, like he's approaching a spooked animal. "Baby."
You turn to face him with wild eyes, fear radiating off you.
"What's wrong, angel?"
You look at him incredulously.
"What's wrong? What's fucking wrong? We killed someone, Jake! That's what's wrong!"
"He wasn't a good guy."
"That doesn't matter. That doesn't make it right."
He cradles your face in his hands, eyes never leaving yours.
"Talk to me. What's going on? You've been okay. We've been okay. I thought we were processing, moving forward."
"I was. And then today, I just... can't. It was murder, Jake. Premeditated murder."
"Listen to me," he demands, tilting your chin up so your eyes are level. "He was an awful, awful man. The world is a better place without him. We saved so many women from a horrible fate, baby. We did a good thing."
You inhale carefully, and exhale a shaky breath, leaning up to press a kiss to his bitten lips.
"Yeah?" you ask, unsure. "We did save people, didn't we?"
"We wouldn't have done it without just reason, baby. We're good people, you and I. We both know we are."
You nod, looking for any signs of insecurity in his eyes. You don't find a single speck.
"You're right. Fuck, you're right. Sorry if I scared you, Jake."
"You scared me because I thought you were leaving me," he chuckles. "Wondered what I did wrong."
"Nothing," you're quick to reassure, tangling tracing your fingertips over the features of his face in a featherlight touch. "My God, Jake. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. You're it for me. You're my forever."
Jake leans down, pressing his lips to yours firmly and surely. It's as if he's telling you everything he feels without using any words. He pulls you into him, winding his arms around your back and tugging you closer.
"I've got you, baby. No matter what happens. It's me and you, always. I love you."
"I love you too, Seresin. Always."
They are the hunters, we are the foxes
And we run
Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it
My love
"Let's run away."
You're taking off your shoes by the door when Jake comes bounding down the stairs, buzzing with energy.
"Hmm?"
"Let's run away, baby. You and me. The open road. We can go anywhere we want."
"Jake," you laugh. "Are you drunk? What's happening?"
"Not drunk. My head's clearer than it has ever been. I've been thinking, while you were gone."
"Thinking about...?" you ask, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning up to kiss his rosy lips.
"Getting out of here. This place is full of bad memories and old ghosts. We can start afresh somewhere new."
"Like where?"
"Anywhere. Literally anywhere. We don't even have to stay in America. We could go to Europe, Australia, Canada? The possibilities are actually endless."
"What's triggered this?" you murmur. "You okay?"
"I'm always okay when I'm with you," he smiles. "But.... I can just feel it, you know? I can feel everything piling up. There's a weight on my shoulders, and on yours too. We can let that go. I know we can."
"You're right, about the weight. I haven't relaxed in months."
Jake slides his hands under your shirt, tracing his fingers up and down the bare skin of your back.
"I know," he murmurs against your lips. "I think there's something better out there for us."
"Where would we go? Like, serious talk, what are our options?"
"I know places," he winks.
"What places, Jake?" you try to chide, but you're smiling.
"We can go to my mom's, first, in Texas. Just to touch base. From there, I mean it when I say literally anywhere, baby. Wherever you wanna go, we can go. You've always wanted to go to Italy, right? We could go there. Or I have a high school friend in Perth - we could go there."
"I wanna go somewhere with good food. Kind people. Beautiful views. A little sunshine wouldn't hurt either."
He's grinning at you, white and blinding. His excitement is contagious, settling into your bones.
"Imagine it, baby. Me and you, on the beach all day. We could surf, swim, go grab some lunch, then surf and swim some more. Go home, make dinner, sit out in the yard and listen to the ocean waves. Do it all again the next day."
You can't wipe the smile off your face, practically bouncing on the soles of your feet.
"Okay."
Jake stops in his tracks, still and rigid.
"Really?"
"Really. We can go right now, Jake. I don't wanna be here any longer."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Fuck, I love you. Let's pack our shit and go, baby."
Jake kisses you with fervour, dipping you backwards like you're in a movie. You squeal, gripping the nape of his neck for balance. He picks you up and spins you around, twirling you like a fairytale.
"What about everyone here?" you ask, forehead pressed to Jake's.
"We'll miss them, and they'll miss us, but we'll all be okay."
He's right. These people are your family, but they'll understand. You have to do what's best for you.
"Do you really wanna go as soon as we can?"
"Yeah, Jake. I meant it. We can start packing right now."
He wraps his arms around your middle and carries you upstairs, throwing the closet doors open while you grab your suitcase.
Baby, I know places we won't be found and
They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down
'Cause I, I know places we can hide
I know places
The sun beats down on your skin, warming you up from the outside in. There's a breeze whipping through your hair, carrying salt from the ocean into the car. The sunroof is down, allowing you to breathe in the fresh air.
Jake's hand slides across the centre console and onto your thigh, thumb rubbing circles into your bare skin.
"You okay?"
He's looking over at you, taking his eyes off the road for a split second.
"I'm good, baby."
He smiles, the grin reaching every feature of his face, lighting him up.
You've been on the road for months, stopping and starting however and whenever you please. A motel here, a beach apartment there. You've lost count of how many states you've travelled through, collecting postcards in each one.
You'll settle down, eventually. You've been making a list of your favourite places you've visited, ranking them as you go. You'll most likely buy a place in your top choice. But not yet.
For now, you're content with the open road. The convertible car, all your belongings in a suitcase in the trunk, roof down at every opportunity. You like not staying in one place for too long. It weirdly suits you.
Jake's never looked happier. He glows, smile lines creasing the corner of his eyes. He laughs so often, and you never get tired of the sound.
You glance down to the golden band on your left hand, smiling softly.
"What are you thinking about?" your husband asks, squeezing your thigh.
"Vegas," you beam. "Never did I think I'd be married by an Elvis impersonator in a bright blue chapel."
"I'm the epitome of class, baby. You know this."
Both of you are grinning, chuckling gently.
"We did the right thing. Leaving."
"Yeah, we did. I'm glad I believed what you said."
"What did I say?"
"That you knew places."
He traces a love heart on your skin with his thumb, over and over again.
"Told you, baby. I know places."
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months ago
Note
AITA for sabotaging my friend's relationship because their boyfriend sucks?
(🧎‍➡️💔💔💔💔💔🧎)
I'm feeling pretty conflicted, and I need some honesty. My close friend, Alex, has been dating Sam for a while now. Initially, I tolerated Sam, but over time, I grew to despise them. They're arrogant, selfish, and frankly, I can't stand being around them.
Here's why Sam is a piece of shit imo:
-Sam has this annoying habit of always making everything about them. They'll hijack conversations, turning them into monologues about their own achievements and experiences.
-Sam lacks empathy and often says hurtful things without considering the impact on others. They once made a cruel joke about Alex's insecurities in front of a group of friends, causing them immense embarrassment.
-Sam has a knack for twisting situations to their advantage. They've been known to guilt-trip Alex into doing things they're not comfortable with and use emotional manipulation to get their way.
-Sam is terrible with money management. They've racked up significant debt through frivolous spending and have even borrowed money from Alex without any intention of paying it back.
-Sam has a complete disregard for personal boundaries. They've invaded Alex's privacy multiple times, snooping through their phone and personal belongings without permission.
With all these traits combined, Sam embodies everything I find repulsive in a person. So, when Alex announced their engagement, I was livid. How could they choose to spend their life with someone like Sam? They are so much better than this shit ball! And I fully believe Alex's life would be in shambles in a few years. I couldn't let this happen, I was manic about it. But instead of being mature, I stooped to a new low.
I started spreading nasty rumors about Sam, exaggerating their flaws and fabricating stories about their past. I claimed that Sam had cheated on Alex multiple times, even going as far as to create fake screenshots of text messages as "proof." Additionally, I alleged that Sam had a history of drug abuse and had been fired from previous jobs for stealing. I sent all of this to Alex, and to our mutual friends and acquaintances on anonymous Instagram and Facebook accounts.
When Alex confronted me about the rumors, I denied any involvement, acting shocked and outraged that someone would say such things about Sam. I played the role of the concerned friend, expressing disbelief and offering support to Alex during this difficult time. The charade worked.
Now, Alex and Sam's relationship is hanging by a thread, and it's all because of me. Part of me feels guilty, but another part of me can't help but feel satisfied that I managed to end it before things got bad. I don't trust Sam within an inch of my life, and I couldn't tolerate seeing Alex ruin his life by marrying such a piece of shit. So, am I an asshole?
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listentoace · 5 months ago
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How to stop (Feederism Help)
I've been messaged by lots of people now who are into feederism and are really turned on by imagining how they grow absolutely huge, but they don't truly want to commit to the feederism/piggy lifestyle. In case that applies to you, let me offer you some help.
It is quite difficult to learn to resist such a strong fetish, but there are ways how it can be accomplished. From my own experience, a few days of uncomfortable overindulgence will usually be enough to break the illusion of "comfortably eating, enjoying endless amounts of food, being pampered, and growing huge". But to understand this, you need to really experience the suffering, struggles, pain, and discomfort of having gone too far. So here is what you'll do:
Either measure or estimate your usual caloric intake on a day of indulgence or stuffing.
Take at least triple this amount, depending on how much you want to suffer you can go as far as 5 times.
Consume this amount of calories for at least 3 days, literally forcing it down your own throat
You are free to use any foods and beverages to reach your calorie goal. It is important that you choose items that you can easily eat a lot of. Don't think you should suck down a stick of butter because of the caloric density as your stomach will get upset right after (or probably during) and you'll have to stop far before you're actually at your limit of fullness.
When you know you should stop
Once you're having the "How did I get here?", "What the hell am I doing to myself?", and "I just wanna die..." thoughts, you know that you've passed your breaking point. This is when you've made the experience of the immense suffering feederism can lead to and this memory will help you to resist falling into a cycle where you're growing uncontrollably. Instead, you will be more capable to reach a weight you're comfortable with yourself, stay there and really know for yourself that this is where you want to be.
Yes, I'm for once giving advice that isn't meant to make you as fat as possible but rather as fat as you want to be yourself. What a time to be alive!
Some more info
If you're truly scared by losing control to feederism, you should 100% do this to build aversion. You don't have to worry about weight gain as your body isn't adjusted to this amount of calories and will actually start burning more due to the immense surplus. Your maximum weight gain after 3 days should be no more than 2 pounds. Keep in mind that you will weigh in a lot heavier because your stomach is full and you'll probably retain a lot of water. To make sure, weigh yourself before starting and then 7 days after.
Feederism is strongly tied to habits. We call bad habits "addictions" as well, the neurological patterns are either very similar or literally exactly the same, based on the type of habit and addiction. It's always a cycle of cue, action, and reward which turns into craving, action, reward. The longer you stay in this cycle of uncertainty, occasionally stuffing yourself and indulging, then feeling guilty, the more likely you're about to end up with feederism as a habit/addiction. This is because the feeling of guilt occurs far after the consumption of food and is much weaker than the pleasure you feel while stuffing. Additionally, guilt often occurs when you notice or expect weight gain. It is not directly tied to the act of overeating. It's because of this that you keep doing it again. Overstuffing like described above will lead to an immediate negative feeling which will be quite strong and is then directly related to overeating.
Feel free to consume encouraging content while doing this. The further you can push yourself, the more aversion you'll built, which will help you regulate your feederism tendencies.
Also, after having done this, you might start to think "It wasn't that bad" after a while. This doesn't have to happen but it can be the case. You can repeat this as many times as necessary. This depends fully on how strong the kink and cravings are for you. It is actually better to directly do this instead of sneaking in snacks and comfort food again if you're not looking to gain any more weight. Your metabolism will rise quickly with an immediate surplus, but it'll actually adjust and slow down again with occasional, smaller stuffings and snacks.
If you have further questions, please use the consider using the comments instead of my DMs so others get the info as well! I hope this helps! :)
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t3a-tan · 2 months ago
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Under His Eye
Wrote the scenario I mentioned with Ryker seeing giant Cody and recognising him. Goes along with this drawing! Enjoy ^^
---
It was a perfectly normal day on Earth for all intents and purposes. Ryker had given Sammy and Tanner something to eat and filled in his journal with any notes for the day. It had only been weeks since he took the children and he needed to take regular breaks to avoid breaking down at all.
That was what he was doing then, going for a walk to clear his mind and try to rid the awful guilty feelings clawing at him. He had to be strong for the sake of everything, no matter what acts of evil were necessary.
The sun blotting out from the sky didn't catch his attention at first; in England it was fairly normal for the sun to come and go without warning and he had grown used to it the past year he was living amongst humans.
Then the screaming started.
Ryker jolted to attention, eyes wide with panic, his immediate thought being that there was a bombing and instinctively running towards the nearest building, the memories of raids ripping through homes and people like paper fresh on his mind. He came to a sudden halt when he noticed that he was the only one moving…and everyone else was looking up.
Slowly he cast his gaze towards the sky and his blood ran cold.
A giant eye. Large enough to fill the entire sky even when it was high above the cloudline. Ryker's legs felt weak at the sight but he was frozen stiff, staring silently with mouth agape in terror. How else could he react? Whatever creature was looking down at Earth was so incomprehensibly large and powerful that screaming would just be a waste of breath.
His blood rushed in his ears and made the screams of those around him nothing but background noise. Ryker only became aware of how he was not breathing when he suddenly gasped in air, his hearing returning and eyes darting about in a panic. Sammy and Tanner— gods, I can't leave them there. If I die they will starve.
As much as he tried to get his legs to work they wouldn't, tears pricking the edge of his vision. The immense overwhelming terror of being watched by something so large was extraordinarily potent, flooding all of his senses and making it difficult to breathe.
Does it even know there are people on this planet? Surely not. How could it? We are all going to die.
He looked up again for some sign of understanding in the behemoth's gaze only for his breath to hitch at the realisation that he recognized that eye. It was unmistakable. Only one person in the world had such unique looking eyes; and it was undoubtedly the worst person to recognise.
The eye had a deep black sclera, like the void of space. His pupil was bright green, almost radiating in colour. And what set the eye apart most was how the pupil, rather than being black or even white like he had seen in other beings; his pupils were red. A warning sign. An omen.
Ryker had seen what this man was capable of and was terrified enough at the same scale, let alone with him many times larger than the very planet the doctor was standing on. His legs finally gave out and nausea overtook his senses. He clamped his hands over his mouth, heaving in laboured breaths through his fingers and trembling.
Oh gods… I-I'm going to be sick…
His vision blurred in a blind panic, and he only faintly noticed that everyone in the streets had broken free of their frozen states and were now running; aimless, because really…where could you run to? Ryker was sure based on the size of that eye, one of Cody's fingers would be big enough to reduce a small country to nothing but rubble.
The eye almost seemed to be looking for something in particular, and Ryker's panic only grew.
Does he know I'm here? Does he know what I've done..? Ryker had after all, accidentally or not, gotten the god’s daughter killed and was now keeping her children locked up in an underground lab. He had been assured Cody wouldn't find out, but the person he got that information from wasn't exactly reliable, Ryker had just been desperate and believed it anyway.
He couldn't bring himself to move anymore or to look away, waiting with bated breath for the eye to lock onto him. Shuddering and trying to come to terms with his own impending doom, he continued to start up at the gargantuan eye of a child he had once taught and done medical checkups for. A child he had seen kill an entire room of people or regrow a head with ease.
“Hmmm…”
A sound rumbled overhead like thunder, like a hum of thought. Ryker's heart continued to pound in his chest, his stomach churning at the loud and almost indecipherable noise. It sounded more like the beginnings of a raging storm than a person.
“She’s…not here…”
The voice that filled the air was impossibly vast, shaking the very ground beneath Ryker’s feet. It wasn’t loud, not exactly—it was the sheer size and presence of it that made every syllable reverberate through Ryker’s bones. It was a voice that no human throat could ever produce, and yet it was unmistakably Cody.
For all of Earth, Ryker was the only one able to understand the ‘she’ being referred to. Guilt only added to his nausea as the haunting image of Charlie bleeding out on the ground came to his mind. He had been too late to stop the situation from escalating, and one of the thugs he had hired to retrieve Charlie got trigger happy instead, aiming for the children that had shown up out of nowhere.
Of course she jumped in the way of the bullet. What parent wouldn't? It had been an accident— Ryker hadn't wanted any death to occur, and he had even been hoping for Charlie to agree to help him with his experiment since she knew the severity of the war. Now everything was a mess, and he had no way of fixing it…he just had to keep going.
Ryker knew that he would deserve whatever death Cody gave him for killing his daughter, but that didn't make him any less terrified of it. The terror was all-encompassing, filling his throat like smoke and leaving him breathless, tears spilling over but unable to make a sound.
Please please…just leave…
“Oh I know, little ones… Sorry, my expression probably looked scary, but I was just focusing. It's alright…” That familiar but now overwhelmingly loud voice rumbled overhead again and Ryker grit his teeth at the sound. It was loud enough that it was on the edge between uncomfortable and outright painful. All of the words seemed to blur together with the ever present screaming surrounding him.
“Shhh… I'll leave you be now, okay little humans..?” Ryker almost sobbed in relief as those words rang in his ears, though his terror didn't dissolve at all. Regardless of whether he was there or not, the knowledge that at any point in time a being larger than Earth could just turn up was…horrifying.
The sun returned, but Ryker didn't move at all, still staring up at the sky as if that eye would return any moment. The city was still loud with panic, and so was his mind as he shakily pushed himself to his feet, heart racing and gasping for breath.
What did I get myself into?
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s3thwrit3sstuff · 1 year ago
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❝Oh, oh-oh❞
Konig x male!reader | nsfw, smut | sub. bttm. reader (AMAB) | wc: 3,747
warnings: public sex, crossdressing, feminization, anal fingering, blowjob, slight sexual humiliation towards reader, light degradation, dacryphilia
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in an attempt to win an argument with your boyfriend, you hit a few low blows but he bests you by bringing up how pathetic you were from a few nights ago.
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"God, it is freezing out there" A large hand brings you closer to Konig's side. He rubs your arm though the pressure is barely felt through the thick coat you wore but the gesture is sweet. "I thought the Earth was supposed to get warmer, you know I'm starting to believe that that's just a scam" Konig chuckles. "You are just not built for this weather, babe" He teases as he slings a heavy arm around your shoulder to reach towards your covered face. "Well, I'm sorry I'm not built to survive inhuman levels of temperature, I'm sorry only one of us can be an operator for a private military contractor — Mpfh!" The same gloved hand that offered you comfort mere seconds ago was now planted over your face, tugging your knitted cap down and over your eyes in the process. "Schatz", he warns. [Darling.] His tone is still light despite it. The streets were more or less bare due to the weather but the shops were still aglow with lights. Those poor, poor, retail workers. The only thing staving off feeling completely guilty for stepping into one of the shops and making the already miserable worker have to work in horrid weather was the fact that due to Konig's work relocating the both of you here, your wardrobes were in desperate need of attention. "Hey," He greets them with a nod, his eyes squishing in a façade of a grin. His face was hidden with a mask which he finds a lot of comfort in not only for the fact that he worries someone from work finds out about his face and finds him (or worse, you) but it was less straining to mask his expressions in a conversation.
You rip his hand away from your face with a huff, walking ahead of your boyfriend as a way to show your obvious displeasure. Konig just chuckles and follows along, grabbing a basket. The shop wasn't that big but the brand was a household favourite.
It was a little pricy but Konig had more money than he knew what to do with at times, he can indulge. Plus, the quality and longevity of the clothes were worth it — it was all ethically made as well! A win in both of your books. "Schatz, you can't be mad that I remind you not to speak of my work aloud" his accented voice chides as you look for the basics of a wardrobe. T-shirts in neutral colours, jeans, underwear, and a new winter jacket since yours was doing shit at keeping you warm. "Yeah, yeah, because secret service assassins are constantly listening to you" An arched brow is thrown your way as your larger-than-life boyfriend shadows you. A sigh escapes you and with a dramatic wave of your arm, you place the back of your hand on your forehead and bemoan; "You're so important, schnucki". [sweetie-pie] "A real James Bond, I'm so lucky to be with you". Konig bursts into laughter. The pop song playing on the speakers do little to cover how gleeful the sound was. You stubbornly look ahead, finding immense interest in the different shades of green the t-shirt was made in. He all but towers behind you as he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pressing his covered nose to the top of your head as his chest rumbled with amusement. "You're extremely silly, hübscher". [handsome] "Compared to you? Everyone is, obviously" his eyes gleam and his arm squeezes you closer. It makes you halt your movement. That familiar pressure against you, the aura of heaviness suddenly draping over you. Konig can't help but think of how truly lucky you are. How many soldiers, mercenaries, and lowly scum had he crushed with his bare hands just like this? Too many to even count. He preferred keeping his thoughts of work and you on very different sides of the fences but whenever you throw a silly fit he can't help but coo inwardly at it. The blood he's knee-deep in, the strength in his sinewy muscles, and the rank he's earned by his sheer brutality and determination all purr in delight at your stubbornness. At your brattiness. You feel something poking at your back. A feat only Konig's cock could manage despite the thick coat you're wearing. Well, this wasn't a complete shock. After his return, the two of you would spend hours annoying your neighbours, however, your upheaval from your last house was made in haste.
Konig managed to squeeze in some frottaging in the shower last night but jetlag won over. Perhaps that's why it took so little to rile Konig up. He sways and you do too. Konig eyes his peripherals, noting the workers were pretending to look busy reorganizing some jewellery on a gondola so he leans down to whisper in your ear.
"Let's look in a different section," he knows you're about to retort so he grabs your chin and tilts your head backwards that way he can leer down at you.
"Command, not suggestion". He enjoys the way your eyes scan his. The flicker of emotions, the way you wet your lips and a hint of your teeth brushing over your lower lips. He knows the blood pooling around your cheeks isn't just from the cold. Your eyes flutter close then open and he grins behind his mask as he releases your chin/neck.
Konig guides you towards the women's section with a steady gait. A worker gives an apprehensive glance but admittingly got far too embarrassed to stare once you stopped in front of the more...sexy bedroom set display.
Silk lingerie didn't last long in your bedroom sessions with Konig. He's gentle when he wants to be — those lazy morning sex with his tongue working you open and his hands stroking your dick to completion until you're limp and boneless was bliss — but his fetish for dressing you up in delicate lingerie sets always ends with your legs and hips needing a few days to recuperate. His size was another reason why sex with Konig was utterly satisfying and sore inducing but it's not like you dislike it (quite the opposite). "Which one, hm?" This time his arms are circling your waist. It was a shame that he was so covered up because the sight of his veins across the back of his scarred, calloused, hands always made you shiver. God, you can practically see the way his biceps are flexing as he continues to sway again. The silk clothes are all much too raunchy. Suddenly, it's too warm under your layers but that's not the exact reason you're squirming.
Most of them are cute. Feminine-cut clothes that would hang too low on your hips with thin straps that would slip down one shoulder. The ones that weren't cute were the classic lingerie dresses. Their length is so short you knew it would tickle the back of your thighs and hide nothing once bent over. The way it was tailored to hug just under the breasts was meant to give it definition but seeing as you were lacking in that department you'd think Konig wouldn't be a big fan? Wrong. He's as horny as an animal in heat when it came to you but he did have a thing for the way your "tits" couldn't fill out the certain clothes he got you. Maybe he just has a "thing" for you in general. He was insatiable. Konig stops swaying. You snap back into the present and furrow your brows. "Schatz", he purrs. "Yeah, yeah, I'm..." The black silk set catches your eye and you reach for it to feel the lace that lines the bottom hem. Pleased by your choice, Konig reaches for the hanger to pluck it from your hands and into the basket it goes. "Changing room...Mein König?" [My King?] His mask hides his sharp grin but his eyes darken from that warm coffee-coloured eyes to pools of sin.
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The changing room was foreign. New country, new city, new surroundings. A sense of relief washed over you as you noted the wooden doors, glad they weren't just curtains held together by some loose velcro straps or hooked onto the opposite wall. The changing room hallway was dimmer than usual but once Konig had opened the doors to the room, it was clear why. He let out a low whistle at the sight of the floor-to-ceiling mirrors backlit by LED strips. The dimension of the space was large enough to not feel too claustrophobic — those mirrors seemed to increase the space as well. You shed your jacket, spotting a stool in one corner of the room meant to be a place to put your clothes, bags, or perhaps someone's horny partner to sit on as they look at you expectantly. The sight of Konig sitting on the tiny seat was comical, you pursed your lips to stop laughing but it couldn't be helped. Konig took off his cap and mask, effortlessly reaching towards the hooks on the wall to hang them before he leans back and tilts his head at you. His long, toned, legs stretched out before him. It invades your space. Overwhelming the room with more of him until the giggles fade away. Unwilling to accept his silence, you prod further. "What? You look cute, okay. All awkward in the corner, is this how you were in high school? All limbs like a spider, bet you were an eye-catcher, baby" He doesn't seem phased by your teasing. With his mask off, you can now ogle his face. That scar on the bridge of his aquiline nose, those strong jaws and sunken eye-sockets that give his eyelid a more hooded look. His top lip is thinner than his bottom, with a prominent cupid bow. Feeling emboldened you shed your knitted cap then your jacket and let it drop to the floor. The scarf twirls around your wrist as you walk forward and bend over to level your eye line with Konig. His downward-facing lashes almost always tickle his cheek — well, when they haven't been burnt off from his close proximity to explosives and fire. Thankfully, they're intact this time and you brush your thumb across his cheek, admiring their length. "You're the cutest little boy, you know?" his eye twitches. Still, he does nothing. Konig simply keeps his eyes on your face. You lean in, breath ghosting along his lips while you grin. "Come on, nothing to say, Mein König? Usually, you're the one that's so fucking loud, whimpering, growling, grunting —" Konig jerks forward. You hold your ground. His silence was both nerve-wracking and gratifying. "Ausziehen. Na." [Strip. Now.] He knows you know what he's saying. There's recognition in those perfectly shaped eyes. Leaning back, he adjusts his broad shoulders and eyes those shapely legs impatiently. "Ich werde nicht zweimal fragen." [I will not ask twice.]
He likes this changing room. Not only could he see the expressions on your face as you strip, but he could also see the view from behind thanks to the mirrors. The lights cast you in an almost angelic glow, a rim lighting that makes your skin all but glimmer. You're bent over, pulling your pants down, when the sounds of your moans fill the room. You nearly split your skull open in your haste to grab the phone from Konig's hand. He lifts his leg and his boot pushes onto your stomach, knocking you back and making you stumble onto the floor. You're almost naked, completely defenceless. Konig does not stand. He simply sits and knocks the toe of his boot to your thigh and jerks his chin to the basket close to you. Meanwhile, your moans are still playing. The wet noises of skin slapping against skin, the mattress creaking and the headboard slamming on the wall. "Konig! That's way — That is way too loud!" He splits open your thighs with the same boot and you squeak as he applies pressure to your crotch. The icy coolness from the outside has you shivering as you clamp your thighs around his ankles but he simply presses. Your high-pitched moan elicits a chuckle from Konig. That motherfucker mimics your moan, his stoic face turning annoyingly expressive as he mocked yours. His giddiness is hard to contain. He turns the screen to you and keeps on echoing the noises you're making. "Oh, oh-oh! Oh fuck! Konig! Right there!"
"Point taken!" You plead, blindly reaching behind you to grab the silk dress. You hear the shuffle of feet in the changing room hallway, hushed whispers but Konig does not pause the video. He simply lets it play as you hurriedly slip on the outfit. What a sight you were.
On the floor, pathetically slipping on a raunchy outfit while your crotch was still being stepped on. The straps are falling off your shoulders and your flustered state does little to assist. Your hair is askew and your cheeks are warmer than the fucking sun. The video stops just as you reach your orgasm and Konig removes his boot. "Strip. Fully."
He tosses the phone on the floor and leans forward. His elbows are on his knees and he gazes down upon you like a hungry wolf. After an awkward shimmy, the only thing protecting you from the wooden floors of the changing room was the thin silk. Your cock was tenting the front and no amount of tugging the material down was going to help you. "I think I may have been gone for too long, yes? My slut is much too disobedient as of late and getting more and more perverse. You're so hard after letting everyone in the store hear how pathetic you are when you take my cock, have you no shame?" Konig clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth when you avert your gaze. When you meet eyes, he's unbuckling his belt with one hand. "Do you even deserve to see my cock?"
You shake your head. No, no, of course, you don't! You're just a whore, a perverted boy who belongs to be on the floor. Even the lingerie you wore was too modest for you. Konig could tell you were edging towards that cloudy state. His cheek twitches as he suppresses a knowing grin. "That's right. You don't. But I'm allowing you to" "Th-Thank you, Mein Konig" He spreads his legs and pats his inner thigh after he had unzipped and pulled his heavy cock out. You gulp at the sight of it. It was damn near monstrous — a cock a few people could only ever see in pornography. Crawling on all fours, you nuzzle his thigh as thanks before grabbing it by the base. God, it was so hefty. A delicious pink tip and a few delicate splatters of moles decorated Konig's cock. The mouthwatering veins were given kisses and yet Konig remains silent as he watches with rapt interest in how you worshipped his big dick. "Perk your ass out. More" You're confused as to what he intends to do. Perhaps he wanted to see your asshole winking back at him in the mirror while you suck him off? That seems likely. You spread your knees and arch your back as you suck on his tip, loosening your jaw and covering your teeth as you close your eyes. Konig removes his glove. It doesn't take long for you to start drooling. He swipes two fingers under his dick, around the ring of your mouth, then leans forward to slip them in. Your choked reply is ignored by Konig. It's hard to breathe. You can feel his fingers scissor your muscles open all while he envelops you in his scent, his warmth, his everything. You feel like he's consuming your every being. His cock is halfway in, your jaw is aching and anyone unlucky enough to walk into the changing area would most definitely hear you gagging on it. Your eyes are watering, huffing through your nose as you feel your hips jerk without any conscious thought behind it. He's fucking you open on his fingers and he knows where to aim to make you all but spineless. There's this distinct dick-shaped bump in your throat. Konig is silent. When he pulls out his fingers and cock you cough, cushioning your face on his thigh as you catch your breath. One of the straps is falling off your shoulder and the dress hangs off your chest in a whorish display thanks to your flat chest. Konig's breathing is faster than usual but he is wordless as he grabs your wet chin.
"Kuh...Konig — Ngh!" You're looking at your reflection. Legs as wobbly as a newborn fawn as he holds you up. The dress is bunched over the curve of your ass. You're jerked forward until you slam into the mirror. A pained whimper is replied with a harsh slap to the back of your thighs. He uses his boots again. This time to kick your ankles apart. The fingers on your chin force you to look forward as Konig's heavy cock is placed on your back.
His face places itself on the crook of your shoulder. Those dark eyes swallow the lights from the mirror as he takes pleasure from your melted expression. You still taste his precum on your tongue, jaws still slack and lungs still desperately trying to swallow air. His thumb on your hole can feel the way you clench around nothing and Konig finally breaks his silence. "You are so filthy" You don't deny him of this fact. His cock pushes on the tight ring of muscles and you moan, fogging up the glass as he pushes, pushes, and pushes until he's inside and oh fuck. Your eyes are rolling to the back of your head. He fills you up so well. Every inch violated, comforted, by him. The pressure is so overwhelming but so familiar and you're getting on the tip of your toes to perk your ass out more. He watches the way your ass swallows inch after meaty inch. "Mein Süßer" [My sweet one] Konig groans into your ear. He's gripping onto your waist so tightly you know bruises will bloom and that thought alone makes you press your cheek on the mirror so you can look at him from over your shoulder. "Mein Konig, please...please, please, please" He's been far too mean and you're begging so sweetly. Konig thrusts in and out of you so harshly that your breath is being knocked out of you. He's kissing you, you're barely there to reciprocate. It's messy, it's hot, it's too much. His hand thumps onto the mirror and the lights flicker but neither of you cares. He's fucking into you so good you can't think. Konig is mouthing your neck, one hand on your waist while the other is groping everywhere, anywhere — as long as it was you. That's all that mattered to Konig. You're being far too loud. Both of you. There's no way no one knows what you're getting up to. Your breaths are fogging up the mirror and there's a ripping sound as Konig tugs on the strap too harshly. "Buh-Baby!" he shushes you. "I'll pay, fuck, I'll pay for anything you want, this boypussy is worth it. So fucking good, so tight " he snaps his hips into you and you choke out a cry at his name. "Fühlt sich gut an, nicht wahr?" [Feels good, doesn't it?] Your chest is now in full view and so Konig grabs at it, twisting your nipples harshly. You're sobbing, tossing your head back as plead for him to slow down. Tears are now streaming down your face, lashes clumping together as you groan out, hand prints being left on the smooth surface as you desperately attempt to grasp at anything to ground yourself. "So sehe ich Dich gerne". [I like seeing you this way.]
Konig grins wickedly. He knows you're close, he can feel it in the way you're tightening up around his cock. He's not that far behind and he was determined for the two of you to cum at the same time. Thankfully, Konig knows just what to do to push you over the edge. Not that it would take much. All that foreplay, that humiliation, already made you a stroke away from jizzing on the floor. His sharp canines sink into the juncture of your shoulder and neck and you yelp as you paint the floor and mirror with your cum. "Ah, fuck!" you tightened around him like a vice and Konig stills as he empties his balls into you. His thighs twitch and his hips jerk a few times as he pants to catch his breath. "Woah!" Konig holds you up, laughing breathlessly as he hugs you. Your head is lolling to the side so he gently leans your head back, stroking your neck and chest until you're able to sharpen your eyes back into focus. "Are you alright, Schatz?" he's flattening his palm on your chest to feel the way your heart thuds against your ribcage. You nod, gulping and panting as you try to form sentences. He's patient as he carefully maneuverers you to lean fully against him. "Fuck, why'd you have to cum in my ass" Konig snorts as he lets you peel away to brace yourself on the mirror. He would say sorry but he's not. The sight of his cum dripping out of your hole has his cock twitching all over again. While you're catching your breath he reaches for his phone. The sound of his camera going off makes you roll your eyes. He's always taking pictures or videos. Says it keeps him occupied when he misses you a bit too much while he's deployed. Who are you to deny your boyfriend his needs? Wordlessly, you jut your hips back and spread your ass for him. He thanks you. It was silent as you both clean up (as much as you could) and when everyone was dressed you try not to limp on your way out. The workers all avoid looking in your direction and you groan as you hide your face in Konig's side. He simply tosses an arm around your shoulder, feeling smug despite the bashful blush under his facemask. "We can never shop here again" you mutter "There are more shops" Konig comforts.
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originalaccountname · 1 year ago
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I'm going back to the Decay of Angels plot because I'm trying to understand what just happened and maybe try to guess what's happening behind the scenes.
"One day, I received a message through the Amenogozen. It was a prophecy of a world war that would happen in 36 years. It said it would be sparked by a multinational conflict, and advanced autonomous weapons and bioweapons would take 210 million lives." - Fukuchi (source: CrunchyRoll subtitles)
Fukuchi's plan was to write on the back of the Page that no one would question the need for the humankind army, which he believes would end all wars forever.
Fukuchi knows that giving such immense power to someone would most probably corrupt them, which is why he wanted to make Fukuzawa the one in charge. He doesn't think Fukuzawa can be corrupted.
The reason behind this plan, more than just "world peace", is that Fukuchi had a vision of a war that would happen. This war would kill 210 million people. To prevent this tragedy, he knew he would need to kill people anyway, but limited that number to 500 and below.
That idea was Fyodor's. Fukuchi is comfortable with it because Fyodor was in prison and "couldn't interfere from across the globe."
... 😐
Just about every plot Fyodor has made so far was weaved around twisting someone's motivations, values, dreams and desires into a monster: Hawthorn only longs for his love, whom he might not even be able to recognize; the actor in Untold Origins, who wanted to give his fans the performance of a lifetime, but traumatized them instead; Ivan Goncharov, whose brain was fried to prevent him for feeling anything but happiness and bliss as he served Fyodor...
Where did that vision of war come from? Why to him? Why then? And I know he had a whole plan with the Page as I said above, but he's dead now, can't oversee the rest of these events, and that was probably part of the plan too. Right now, the world still thinks the ADA is guilty (just that Fukuchi is too), Fukuchi broke the trust of everyone, One Order just got used for evil, and there is, in fact, a "multinational conflict" happening. We don't know who wrote/is gonna write on the Page for the final step of the DoA's plan, and CLEARLY something is happening with Fukuchi at the end.
Fyodor's masterplan starts unravelling now, is what I'm saying.
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genericpuff · 1 year ago
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zoo wee mama, the new Hbomberguy video is a RIDE and it's absolutely relevant to everything going on in webcomics. let's talk about it.
youtube
I'm sure a lot of you have heard about this video going around already (it's gotten 2+ million views in just a little over 24 hours) but if you haven't, I highly recommend you set aside time to watch it yourself, I was surprised to see how much he had dug up especially regarding Youtubers that I never suspected were plagiarizing. He also says some very on-point stuff about how we view content creators and plagiarizing in this "do it yourself" industry that really resonated with me because it's stuff I've been saying for years in the webcomic sphere.
I won't spoil the video much because I think it's best experienced watching it for yourself (especially because he's putting all the money he earns off this video towards compensating the people who had their work plagiarized by one Youtuber in particular who's especially guilty... I'm not even gonna mince words, it's James Somerton) but this passage in particular just felt so validating to hear from someone who clearly holds themselves to the standards that more Youtubers - and creators in general - should be holding themselves to:
"I think a lot of people are inclined to protect creators they like on the grounds that plagiarism is a very academic-sounding problem, like something that happens in research papers or journalism, not something that you can do in a silly video made for entertainment purposes. Why are we holding Youtubers to standards? That would be like expecting accurate history from someone whose name has 'historian' in it! Because Youtubers often project a sense of being scrappy, do-it-yourself amateurs, it feels almost wrong to expect them to be professional... but a lot of them are professionals, regardless how authentic their persona may be. Youtubers are now among the most recognizable faces on the planet, and have become immensely wealthy doing this. Some are so influential we literally call them influencers. Maybe it's a good idea to have some standards for not stealing. Maybe." - Hbomberguy, "Plagiarism and You(tube)" timestamp: 3:35:32
Obviously this has nothing to directly do with webcomics but I do think it's something that reflects very similar behavior within the webcomic community that's, frankly, worth discussing. Many people justifiably want to make a living off their work, want webcomics as a whole to be taken more seriously in the mainstream next to traditional publishing, and for webcomic creators to be taken more seriously as professionals.
But at the same time, I still see a lot of infantilizing of the people in this industry, done by both their fans and the people within it, the idea that being a professional (noun) isn't mutually inclusive of being professional (adjective). It's how we've gotten creators in the past like Snailords, mongie, and yes, Rachel Smythe, who are often shielded by their fanbase on the basis of, "they're just indie comic creators doing what they love, leave them alone!" when they're very much not that, at least not anymore. At least two of those three creators have TV deals (though whether or not they'll make it to the screen is debatable), and all three of them have or have had Webtoons seemingly wrapped around their finger more so than any other creator (though mongie has argued she left Webtoons over unfair treatment, it really doesn't seem like that to the people who know how much mongie was intentionally pushing the rules of what she was allowed to post on the platform, particularly with her Sam x Charles smut).
They are not 'indie creators' anymore and they are not exempt from criticism just because their younger fanbase mistakenly assumes them to be the same age as them. Rachel, mongie, and Snailords are all in their mid-to-late 30's. They all have merchandising deals and either have TV deals or want to have TV deals. They've all been given priority advertising by Webtoons even at the cost of undercutting all the other creators and series on the platform that need it more. They are not "scrappy" creators, they're contractual professionals now and they all do not act like it. Whether it's reacting poorly to criticism or using their characters as a mouthpiece for their own egos or even just using their comics as a poorly disguised fetish, they're all contractual professionals who do not act professional. And they're not the only webcomic creators who do this.
And again, I've talked about this before on here and in the discussions on reddit concerning LO and other webtoons, so it's incredibly validating and refreshing to see Hbomberguy put those feelings into words (albeit about Youtubers, but let's be real, Webtoons is definitely trying to be the "Youtube of webcomics", as is Tapas and other competing webtoon platforms) because that sentiment rings true for a lot of the webtoon creators who have practically failed upwards and only forgo their advertised "professional status" when they're under fire for their actions and writing. Rachel is an "award winning creator" and "self-proclaimed folklorist" until her comic is criticized for its blatant misrepresentation and disrespect towards an entire culture, then all of a sudden "it's just fanfiction". Mongie is the creator of the bestselling series Let's Play until she's called out for racist depictions of Asians and Hispanic people in her work, then all of a sudden she's "just trying to make a fun comic" that's not meant to be taken that seriously. And of course, their audience of teens and young adults who don't know any better keep forgiving them and vehemently defending them because they wrongfully assume that these creators are scrappy teens just like themselves who just started making webcomics for fun and then achieved fame and glory overnight (which they're not!)
We should be having bigger discussions about what awaits the webcomic and "content creator" industry as a whole in the future and what standards we should be holding creators and their work to. We can't possibly expect these mediums to be taken seriously as a professional industry if we don't set better expectations for the quality of the work that's being created and the creators who are building these platforms for themselves.
"In current discourse, Youtubers simultaneously present as the forefront of a new medium, creative voices that need to be taken seriously as part of the 'next generation of media'... and also 'uwu smol beans little babies who shouldn't be taken seriously when they rip someone off and make tens of thousands of dollars doing it." - Hbomberguy, "Plagiarism and You(tube)" timestamp: 3:36:18
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