#and now i am exhausted and grumpy and in a lot of pain

[rainphee]

general life update

[forever-rogue]

Okay but imagine when (nurse!steve) reader gives birth and literally all of the nurses are so excited because todays the day!!!!

It's a long and painful labour but once the baby girl's here and checked over and the two of you have spent some time bonding with her - reader rolls her eyes and says "go on, go show her off" and steve whispers that they'll be right back and he cradles baby against his chest, carrying her out to his ward with hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

Literally all of the nurses gush over her and it distrupts the entire hospital, everyone wanting to get a glimps of Baby Harrington. Steve cries the whole time and just can't believe how lucky he is.

AN | Nurse Steve finally getting to meet his baby girl and getting to show her off! What a dream, I am so soft 🥺

Warnings | Mild Language, Nondescript mentions of labor/delivery

Pairing | Nurse!Steve x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 2.4k

Masterlist | Steve, Main, Nurse Steve

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Steve thought he’d prepared for this moment. Really, he’d done a lot of reading, research, and mental preparation. He’d been in on several emergency births and c-sections, and was sure he had seen it all. 

But it all was so incredibly different when it was his wife in labor, when it was his baby girl being born. 

It was like everything in his mind had flown out the window and he was learning everything for the first time. All he could do now was to hope he was being a good and supportive husband.

“You are never touching me again.”

Okay, maybe he could do a better job. Or maybe it was the fact that you’d been in labor for several hours and seemed to be in a lot of pain and stress. Understandably, of course.

“You’re doing so well, angel,” he was sitting at your side and holding your hand, wishing there was something he could, “you’re almost there - she’s almost here.”

“Steven,” you turned your head to look at him, a pathetic little expression, “I don’t want to do this - I can’t do this. I’m not ready for her.”

“You can do this,” he insisted softly, “I have no doubt about that.”

“I can’t be a mom,” you ran a hand over your tired face, grimacing as another contraction came on, “I’m scared.”

“I know it’s scary,” he cooed as he touched your face, gently stroking your cheek, “and we’ll fuck it up along the way but that’s okay. None of that matter because we’ll always try and there will always be love.”

“Do you think she’ll like us?”

“She’ll love us,” he assured you as you smiled softly, “you’re going to be the best mom.”

“And you’re already the best dad,” you squeezed his hand particularly harshly and he tried to keep his expression neutral, “Stevie, I-”

“Alright,” you found the doctor looking at you with excited eyes, “time to start pushing!”

“Stevie?”

“You’ve got this, angel,” maybe he was right…maybe you could do this, “it’ll all be over soon.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

And….that turned out to be a lie. Not by choice, but circumstances. Life happens. 

Once you started pushing, you had a nagging feeling in your gut. And yeah, it was several hours and a lot of pushing and tears and pain later before you finally got to meet your baby girl.

But as soon as you laid your eyes on her, it was all worth it. All the months of morning sickness, back pain, heartburn, shortness of breath, and lack of sleep were worth it. You fell in love all over again as soon as you got to hold the little blob of a grumpy looking potato that was placed in your arms. All things considered, she was pretty damn cute in your little pink hat and blanket. 

“Look at her,” you were exhausted and wanted to do nothing more than to try and get a few hours of sleep. You knew that your sleep schedule wasn’t going to be consistent anymore, not for some time anyway, “we made her. She’s all ours.”

“Our Camila,” his eyes were puffy and red-rimmed and he looked just as exhausted as you. He’d been a wreck since he realized you were in labor and as soon as he’d laid eyes on her he was a goner. He reached over and gently touched her chubby, splotchy little cheek, “she’s perfect.”

“She is,” you leaned into Steve’s touch when you felt him wipe away your tears, “I hope that she knows we’ll always love and try to do right by her.”

“She will, she’s going to be so spoiled with love,”  you couldn’t even imagine all the excitement that was going to overwhelm once she was at home. You knew that everyone was waiting to meet her. Steve, naturally, had called everyone (you swore it could have been everyone he’d ever met) once you got to the hospital. And of course, his coworkers and half the hospital were eagerly waiting for the good news and to see the new addition to the family, “she’s going to have everyone wrapped around her little finger.”

“She’s already got you,” you teased, but it wasn't denying anything.

“So does her mother,” the way you beamed at him made him practically melt, “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too,” you whispered back, “so, so much.”

You laid back in the uncomfy, hard bed already dreaming of going back to your own bed. You watched as Steve looked at Cami, clearly trying to memorize every detail about her. She was still in your arms but as you leaned back you angled her towards him, “go on.”

“Hmm?” he raised his eyebrows but eagerly took her from your arms, holding her securely against his chest. He’d practiced this and readied him for this moment, but he still grew nervous. He was holding her like she was made of glass, “do you want to get some rest, angel?”

“I do,” you admitted, “but I also know you, my love. Go on and take her. Show her off to everyone.”

“A-are you sure?” there was a spark in his eye and you nodded. If there was anyone you trusted, it was him. Plus, you couldn’t lie, you kind of wanted him to show her off, “I don’t want to take her if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“I’m sure,” you promised, “go and gloat about Baby Harrington. I know they’re dying to see her just as much as you’re dying to show her off.”

“I won’t be gone too long,” he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I’ll be extra careful with Blob - Cami!”

“HA!” you grinned through a yawn, “I told you it would stick. Cami the Blob. I love it, it’s perfect.”

“We’re not…fine,” he laughed softly as Cami made a few small sounds as if she was trying to make her opinion known, “oh Cami girl, I’m afraid your nickname will also forever be Blob. Until your sibling comes along and then they can be Blob.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m doing this again,” you snorted in amusement, “and even bolder to assume they would also look like a blob! Maybe they’d be scrunkly or something!”

“I’m not even going to pretend I have any clue what you just said,” he pecked your lips a few times, “get some rest, mama. We’ll be back soon.”

“Love you both,” your eyes were already closing as you watched him leave the room. You loved them both terribly…but you were ready for a little rest before the chaos truly started.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Steve practically had a spring in his step as he walked out of the room with his daughter - his daughter! - and went to look around for his fellow nurses. As soon as he’d stepped foot out the door, he was stopped by one of the doctors. By now everyone had heard about the arrival of Baby Harrington and everyone was eager for a look at her. 

“She’s beautiful,” the doctor was on her way to another room but took a few moments to stop and admire the baby. Steve felt every bit the proud father, “well done to both of you, but mainly your wife!”

“She did do all the hard work,” he agreed softly with a wink, “but I’ll let her know.”

Before going downstairs to the ER, where he knew his partner was working, he popped his head into the breakroom, finding curious eyes on him, “I’ve got a little visitor!”

They all gathered around him, quietly and leaving some room so they wouldn’t disturb the sleeping baby. How she managed to still be asleep was besides him. They call cooed over her, throwing in their well wishes and congratulations. Everyone loved Steve - he was a likable guy after all - and naturally they loved anyone associated with him. 

This kid was to be a little star at the hospital. Then again, people were still in love with how the two of you had met there; all because of a silly broken ankle. It was the best injury of your life, despite the mess it created. It had given you the best thing in your life and together the two of you had created the next best thing. 

Once he made it out of the breakroom, he made his way downstairs to where he knew his partner would be. If there was anyone he wanted to share this moment with, it was her.

Luckily, he didn’t have to go far. Word had already gotten to his fellow nurse and she caught him just as he came back into the hallway. Her entire face lit up as she took in the small, soft looking bundle in his arms.

“Is that who I think it is?” she asked softly as Steve eagerly nodded. She wanted to squeeze him in a big hug, but didn’t want to crush the baby either. Instead, she gently peeked at the sleeping baby and made a quiet sound of delight, “Steve! She’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” he grinned at her, his heart full to bursting, “I have to admit, I’m pretty scared right now. I don’t wanna mess up this whole dad thing.”

“Steve,” she touched his cheek, her tone melting into the sweetness she often reserved for him, “I’ve watched you grow from a brand new wide-eyed nurse into the wonderful husband - and father - you are now. You have such a good heart, and you’re a good kid. You’re going to screw it up sometimes, trust me when I say we all do, but if there’s anyone that’s going to do this thing right, it’s you. And you know that if you need anything, you’ve got plenty of people that are willing to help. You know you can call me day or night, anytime for anything.”

“Thank you,” he was teary eyed for what felt like the hundredth time that day as he managed to give her a side hug, “you’re amazing, Brenda. I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“We certainly wouldn’t be here right now,” she teased; she was the one that had finally convinced Steve to ask you out, despite his initial hesitation with the whole patient-caretaker thing. But she was right - if he hadn’t listened to her, none of this would have been possible, “tell you what, try and get some rest while you’re still here and one of the other nurses will look after her. The two of you are in for quite a change.”

“Another good idea,” he snickered, “among your many.”

“I know,” she winked at him before stealing a last look at the baby that had already won over so many hearts, “tell your wonderful wife I say hello and congratulations. When you get settled at home, let me know and I’ll bring over some food. Cooking is going to be the last thing on your mind.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky,” he grinned. 

He was still scared and worried, but somehow he knew that this would all be okay. He’d always wanted to be a father, and now he was. What a world, a wonderful, weird world.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was a few days later when you were finally home and had started to settle into a routine. As much of a routine that a newborn allowed for that was. 

It was a wonderful strangeness that having a baby brought into your home. It was no longer a quiet, pristine place, but a perfectly chaotic house. You liked it; it felt like things were falling into place as they were meant to.

And Steve, wonderful amazing Steve, made everything so much better. He was definitely hands on and helped with Camila just as much as you did. He claimed that you did all the hard work and she was the result of both of you not just one of you, so why would you do everything. He was definitely the opposite of a lot of fathers, but then again, you’d always known he was special and that you were lucky. There was still a lot to learn and navigate but you had no doubt that the two of you would figure it out. 

You came back from the bathroom after taking a much needed shower and padded into the bedroom, ready to catch a bit of sleep for however long you were able to. You found Steve in bed, Cami curled up on his chest as he stroked her back gently. She was asleep, and he was getting there too. 

“Hey,” you whispered as he looked over and gave you a sleepy smile. He still managed to look at you as though you’d hung the moon and all the stairs. You crawled into bed next to him, curling into his side, “you got her to sleep!”

“Didn’t take much this time,” he admitted with a small laugh, “gave her some milk and down she went.” 

“I’m ready for a nap too,” you yawned, “I think we all are. I can put her in the bassinet?”

“Nah,” she shook his head gently, “she’s okay right here. I’ll be careful…you get some sleep and we can trade off later on.”

“Are you sure, love?” you peeked an eye at him, but he just nodded, “you can take a nap first-”

“I’m sure,” he reached over and touched your cheek gently before kissing your forehead, “you need some rest, mama. I’ll probably just read for a bit.”

“Will you read to me?” you asked softly as he beamed at you, your own personal ray of sunshine, “just until I fall asleep. I won’t sleep for too long.”

“You’ll sleep for however long you need,” he insisted sweetly, “but of course, I’ll always read to you.”

“You’re the best,” your eyes were already closed and you knew that it wasn’t going to be long until you were asleep, “I love you so much, Stevie. And you too, Cami girl.”

“I love you too,” he grabbed his book and started to read out loud softly, so he wouldn’t disturb either of his girls. 

It wasn’t more than a few minutes before he read you snoring softly, along with Cami’s deep breaths.

Yeah, this wasn’t so bad after all. 

Steve had his girls and all the love in the world.

[joshusten]

love me in spite (guy/honey, redacted audios)

Guy and Honey get into an argument early into their relationship.

(angst, hurt/comfort, arguments, fluff)

3k+ words [ao3 link here!] [masterlist]

[CW and notes: swearing, arguing, insecurities, overthinking, breakdowns, descriptive?? crying?? I think??, idk they’re both having a bad time. probably a lot of grammatical errors lmao. also honey is implied to be empowered!!]

Honey doesn't remember the last time they felt like this, but they’ve always known their personality would bite them in the ass someday.

“Aww, is my beloved mad again? Oh, pray tell, which heinous crime did I commit this time, officer? Robbery? Public indecency?” Guy stroked his chin, pretending to rack up his mind on any possible offense he could have made. “Hm…jaywalking?"

“Guy.”

“Oh! Or maybe—just maybe—it was wanting my ever-so-affectionate lover to stop their pretty head from fussing over me?”

"Guy, can’t you take this seriously for once?” 

“But I am! It’s just not that big of a deal, baby! Look, a manuscript can’t just write itself, y’know? Especially one with a little flair from yours truly!”

“You haven’t slept properly for days now, you work overnight most of the time, and on your days off you pull all-nighters writing!” 

“Oh, you’re one to talk!”

“Well, this one’s more serious! I haven’t even seen you eat a proper meal and anything I offer you gets left out cold!”

They continued to have a back-and-forth confrontation, voices raising and words getting crueler as time goes on, with both parties not intending to back down anytime soon. Honey thought it was the first time they ever heard Guy let out an actual annoyed scoff and they noticed the slightest change in his demeanor. 

“Jesus, Honey. Of all the times you can finally act like you care for me, why now? Hm?” There was a playful smile on his face. It almost made them believe he was still joking around but his words were laced with an unmistakable annoyance.

But something inside Honey snapped. Their chest tightened at the thought of their partner thinking they didn’t care. They felt themselves flinch from the comment and Guy seemed to notice that too as his smile drops. “Shit. Honey, I didn’t–”

“I’m–,” They scrambled to get their bag, keys, wallet, anything they would need because they just want to be anywhere but here.“I’m going out. Let’s finish this later. I-I just can’t fucking do this right now.”

They didn’t mean that. Didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh. Then again, they don’t mean to sound so harsh most of the time but end up doing so either way. Grumpy. Mean. Intimidating. A common descriptor from most people. But Guy wasn’t like most people. ‘Unless,’ they think, ‘That was just a lie you told yourself to believe in.’

Honey shuts the door behind them, leaving the building and the warmth of their partner.

The pain in their chest almost distracts them from the exhaustion currently catching up to their body after a long day. They can feel the telltale signs of a migraine coming as they rub their temples gingerly with one hand, the other guiding the steering wheel. ‘Damn, it started to rain too. What a great way to lighten the mood,’ they think bitterly. Their mind eventually goes back to the fight earlier.

“Of all the times you finally can act like you care for me, why now? Hm?”

They do care. They care for him so much it scares them . He knows that, right? Even if they groan at his flirtatious quips and innuendos or if they grumble at his (very creative) attempts to give them as many hugs and kisses as they would allow, he knows that that’s just how they are, right? 

Maybe that wasn’t enough anymore. Maybe that never was enough to begin with. Maybe Guy finally realized he deserves better than an ill-tempered partner who doesn’t even know how to properly show any affection to their own fucking boyfriend.

A sharp car horn snaps them out of their thoughts. Shit, it’s a green light. They continue to drive until they see the familiar soft glow of a nearby 7-Eleven sign despite the persistent rain. 

Honey's entrance was signaled with the chime of the bell above the glass door. It’s relatively empty save for what they recognize to be a few D.A.M.N. students buying some late-night study snacks. Walking through the aisles while the pop song they heard their partner hum before softly plays in the background, slowly but surely calming them down. Muscle memory makes Honey reach for Guy’s favorite snack and they wonder how he’s doing. 

---

Guy doesn't remember the last time he felt like this, but he’s always known his personality would bite him in the ass someday.

Sure, he and Honey had their disagreements, but they were all accompanied by playful slaps and teasing laughter. Never had it gotten to the point of an actual argument that caused them to spit such venom toward each other like the one they just had. 

“I’m going out. I-I just can’t fucking do this right now.”

The door closes and Honey leaves, bringing the warmth of their shared apartment with them. Guy lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and starts to get to work. He wordlessly distracts himself by cleaning the living room—picking up stray plastic chip bags, vacuuming crumbs that settled on the cheap shag carpet, and fixing up the pillows on the couch that he’s been nesting on for the past few days while he works on the final draft of the project he was writing. 

Piles of paper littered their second-hand coffee table. Every inch is covered in Post-it notes and wrinkled pieces of paper filled with ideas that he had haphazardly scribbled in an attempt to record them before it leaves his mind. Most of them, he recalls, are just random doodles of spirals and honeybees that he absentmindedly drew as he was typing away on his laptop. The spaces left exposed on the table were adorned with faded mug rings on the old dark oak wood.

He tries to compile them into a neater collection, pausing as he notices a doodle he made of his Honey. It was far from a masterpiece, but the cute cartoony style paired with heavily exaggerated furrowed brows in order to replicate their partner’s usual expression pulls a smile from his lips. There was even a jumbled-up line inside a small text bubble next to it to symbolize the adorable grumbles they always make. 

Fuck, he misses them so fucking much.

A sudden wave of exhaustion almost makes him drop the stack of papers he’s holding and it dawns on him how much he really has been neglecting his own health for this project. The stress of trying to find a job where he can utilize his degree and finally get out of that godforsaken pizza place has been taking a toll on him. All Honey was trying to do was for him to take a break that he so desperately ( and, he embarrassingly admits, unknowingly ) needed. And he just treated it like some silly joke. Granted, it really was because he wasn’t used to being coddled after, but, it definitely wasn’t an excuse to dismiss their worries like that. 

The guilt builds up in Guy’s throat like bile. He feels worse now, especially considering how much they struggle with expressing themselves like that to him in general, even if they don’t say it aloud.

He finishes cleaning up but the restlessness doesn’t leave him as time passes by with no word from his partner. Maybe this is it? Maybe he fucked it all up like always? Maybe they finally came to their senses and got fed up with him. It wasn’t uncommon for people to think he was a bit too much. Too chaotic, too irritating, too overwhelming. He ever minded those comments in the first place, but the thought of Honey possibly thinking like that too makes him sick. 

It’s getting late and he can hear the rain outside get louder. The anxiety that has been settling in their stomach flares up. He reaches for his phone to message them before concluding they might not want to be bothered right now. Shit, he’s feeling a little sluggish. 

Guy begrudgingly trudges to the wardrobe of their shared bedroom to get a change of clothes. He glances over as he pulls a familiar-looking hoodie from the hanger. Their double bed, adorned with a pizza plushie that Honey had given to him as a joke gift, was more inviting than usual. Maybe he should just take a rest and go to sleep. 

No, no, no, they might want some space from that too. Guy wants to talk this out with them instead of sleeping it out. If this persists, he isn't sure how his poor heart could take it. He ultimately decides to go back to the couch, stay up, and (at the very least) greet them when they come back. 

If they come back. God, please come back.

What if they don’t?

The thought felt like a mere whisper in his head but it left him numb. Guy's aware of his tendency to overthink but before he knew it, he was lying down on his side, hand clamped to his mouth as he forced his eyes shut. He lets out a quiet sniff. His breath hitches. Then he hears himself choke out a small sob. 

Then another.

And another. 

And another.

The dam breaks, his eyes water and he heaves as much air as he can into his lungs. It suddenly became a struggle to breathe and it definitely became a struggle to calm the ugly thoughts that plague his mind. Shaky, broken sobs fill the room, he cringes at how pathetic it sounds.  He hates this. He hates this feeling. Just come back, I’m sorry.

After what felt like hours, his sniffles slowly died down. With heavy eyes and a heavier heart, he finds himself drowsy from all the crying. The hot tears streaming down his face had begun to dry, but, the warmth on his cheeks reminds him of his Honey and the thought of them finally lulls him to sleep.

---

Honey returns, a little haggard but with a calmer mind. The drive around Dahlia and their quick run to the local convenience store definitely helped lighten their mood but the guilt still followed them around like a shadow. Shaky hands find their way to the lock of their shared apartment and Honey opens to a dim living room, with the forgotten hanging bulbs from the kitchen barely providing a sense of light. They noticed the place was tidier than they remembered.

It was eerily quiet, as well. The wrinkling sound of the paper bag that they were holding filled the room.

"Guy?" Fuck, they can hear their voice getting wobbly. 

"I'm home. You there?" A shift from the room was all they heard accompanied by a sniffle. Honey suddenly becomes hyper-aware of the soft snores matching the rise and fall of a figure on the couch.

They couldn't really explain why their heart started to pound with their pulsating headache. Why they made a beeline inside their apartment. Why they started to get down on their knees in the living room despite the protests of their tired body. Why their chest sank deeper as they saw their partner all bundled up on their battered couch. 

They don't miss the frown on his face and his tear-stained cheeks.

Fuck. Tears? Guy was crying? 

Honey quietly (urgently) sets down the paper bag from their grasp and slowly places a hand on his shoulder, patting it ever so gently.

"H-hey? Guy, what are you doing over here?" They noticed how cold they felt to the touch and remembered their thermostat wasn't working that well. "It's freezing. You're freezing. "

After a few gentle pats and caresses (and reminders of how it's cold here, the bed is warm. Take it, please. ) Guy manages to blearily open his eyes, rubbing away the sleepiness and the few tears that managed to slip.

Cute. His eyes are so cute. Honey would have thought if their mind wasn't filled with thoughts and questions. Why was he sleeping on the couch? Was he waiting for me? He didn't need to do that. Why was he crying? Did he cry himself to sleep? Was it because of me?

Did I do this?

"Honey?" Guy's voice croaked and Honey's heart aches after hearing how hoarse it was. It aches a little more to see him smile at them despite the argument they had earlier.

"You're back…" he mumbles, slightly adjusting his body to prop himself up with his arm. He was wearing their hoodie again.

"Guy, why are you sleeping here? It's cold," they repeated, the worry in their tone becoming more and more evident. 

This had Guy fully sitting up, giving his full attention to their Honey with a slight grin that was preparing to give out a smug reply before dropping his smile and deciding otherwise. If he noticed that their eyes were starting to get just as glassy as his, he didn't mention it. “I-I mean, you’re…mad, right? I thought you’d want some more space from me or something…” 

“N-no! I mean, yeah, thank you for that but that doesn't—” Honey cuts themselves off with a groan. Why can’t I just say what I want to say? What do I even want to say? Guy immediately notices their partner’s frustration and sits down beside them.

“Hey, hey, it's okay. You’re okay, Honey,” he says with a reassuring smile and slowly raises his hand near their cheek, “Can I touch?” 

Honey immediately nods, almost melting at Guy’s warm hands. The familiar calluses from working countless graveyard shifts and delivery jobs all over Dahlia for Max’s kept them grounded. They notice a newly formed bump on the ring finger of his dominant hand from the number of handwritten notes he’s been doing recently.

After a few moments of soft breaths and the sound of Guy's rough thumb gently gliding across their cheek, Honey let out a weak laugh but the words that followed were by no means a joke to them. “You’re so good for me.” Too good. I don’t deserve you. 

It was Guy’s turn to let out a confused chuckle. He felt anything but good to them at the moment.

“What do you mean by that, hon?” He caresses their cheek and he forgets how much his chest hurts when his Honey leans into his touch. “Hey, c’mon. Do you…do you wanna talk about what happened?”

Honey nods once more. "I'm…I'm sorry," they choke out as if the words got caught up in their throat. Everything was overwhelming again. The sound of the remains of the rain, the ticks of the wall clock, and most of all, Guy's unwavering attention to them. They avoid his gaze. 

"I know that…I'm…I dont have the most…pleasant attitude," The nervousness in their tone was obvious but the quick squeeze of their hand from their partner was enough for them to go on. "And I know that you didn’t mean that. About me…not caring,” They felt him give another squeeze, a bit tighter than the last. “Fuck, god knows you’ve put up with me long enough for me to know you wouldn’t mean that.” 

Honey manages to finally look him in his eyes again, they think it's their favorite color. “I…I just don’t know why I act like this. Why can't I just…care for you in a normal way.”

“Oh, Honey…” 

“I’m just so fucking sorry. I really, really care for you, please know that,” they sob out. Guy thinks he’s never seen them this vulnerable. His arms slowly circle and stop around their body as if he was waiting for their permission but Honey beats them to the embrace, burying their head on his chest. He knows they can hear his heart speed up.

“Hey, I know, I know,” The hands that were once on his partner's cheeks find their way to their back, rubbing circles and tracing shapes. “I’m really sorry for what I said too. The stress from work and writing these past few days is catching up but please don’t let that ever be an excuse for me to talk like that, especially to you and especially if it makes you think of all these lies.”

“And all this talk about…caring for me in the ‘normal’ way. Don’t say that.” Guy slowly pulls away to tilt his partner's chin up for their eyes to meet again. The way his Honey looked so distressed was a sight he decided he never wants to see again. “What matters is that I know you care and I want you to know that the way you show it is… fuck, I’ve never felt so cared for like this until you, Honey. Okay?”

“I’ll work…on not neglecting my health too. If it weren’t for you, I might’ve actually collapsed from exhaustion,” he adds, lips upturned into a sheepish smile. “So, thank you.”

Guy isn’t prepared for the way their Honey finally graced him with a soft smile. He’s had them laugh and grin at his…eccentric behavior before, but this smile held so much fondness and sincerity (directed towards him of all people! ) that made this moment all the more intimate. 

I think I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack. He doesn't recall having butterflies for lunch but he definitely feels them flutter up and about in his ribcage. He wants to treasure this moment. He wants to treasure them.

Honey looks down, uncharacteristically flustered and Guy’s heart soars again. “Thank you,” they whispered. “For that.”

“Of course, Honey. Though, I must say,” he grins. “Although your methods of conveying your love for me are a bit… unconventional , you could say I’m on the more bizarre side, too. I guess we make a perfect match after all then, don't we?”

Honey snorts, a reaction that's endearingly familiar to him and he smirks even wider. “You’re so fucking stupid.”

“Well, for the record, if anybody here is fucking stupid, it would be you!” Guy shoots back, “Hi, hello, I’m stupid, by the way, ehh– Ow, ow, ow!”

The pair continues to laugh and banter at each other like before, but, as they comfortably settle down to cuddle on the couch, they both don’t miss the way the grip on their entangled hands tightened for the slightest bit.

---

hope you enjoyed!! please let me know if i had any mistakes or just some feedback in general!! i kinda wanna continue doing these kinda stuff :DD

[gabessquishytum]

Planes Trains and Automobiles was on TV today and I kept thinking how well it would work as a Dreamling AU. It has angst, grumpy/sunshine, enemies to lovers (yes I know they're not lovers in the movie but im talking about fanfic), only one bed (hello???), and probably some other tropes I'm forgetting right now. Dream is in the Steve Martin role--uptight, grumpy workaholic dad trying to get home for the holidays to see his siblings and Orpheus. Hob is John Candy--talkative, annoyingly upbeat, determined to be Dream's friend whether he likes it or not, (and uh, spoiler alert for a 36 year old movie) always talking about Eleanor but Dream doesn't find out until almost the end that she's been dead for years and Hob has no home and no family. But instead of just inviting him to spend the holidays with him and his family as a friend, Dream confesses that he's fallen in love with this annoying man he's been stuck with, and Hob admits it was pretty much love at first sight for him. So Dream makes it home and gets to introduce his family to his new boyfriend!

I love this idea??? Am a big John Candy fan personally n miss him a lot so yes this appeals to me directly.

The possibilities are so good!!! Dream being grumpy and mean to Hob and Hob just letting it all bounce off him and smiling at every snippy remark Dream makes!!! Hob offering to take the floor when they get the room with just one bed, but Dream has already noticed Hob’s slight limp and leg pain so he rolls his eyes and offers to share!!!

Hob keeps going on about staying positive and how Eleanor always tells him to keep his chin up and keep smiling, and maybe Dream snaps because he’s exhausted and stressed and he just wants to hug his son. He says that Eleanor sounds annoying as hell! And Hob gives this broken little smile and says “yeah, I thought so too sometimes”. Dream doesn’t get it of course, but he does notice that Hob rolls over in the cramped bed and won’t look at him.

Even so, they wake up all cuddled up together.

Ultimately Dream ends up sharing his fears and worries about Orpheus, his siblings, his work, his own personality. Hob has many warm words and hugs to offer, and Dream is starting to wonder what he found irritating about this man in the first place? Hob is just… kind. Maybe Dream isn’t used to that any more.

They have their first kiss after Hob finally admits that Eleanor died a long time ago and although he’s done his grieving, he likes to talk about her and keep her alive. Dream feels like the worst person in the world, but Hob kisses him before he can start self-flagellating. And then it’s like everything starts to make sense.

Needless to say, Orpheus loves his daddy’s new boyfriend. Partly because his pockets are full of chocolate bars but hey, it’s Christmas. If Dream gets kisses, it’s only fair that Orpheus gets chocolate!

[igotanidea]

Hello : Matt Murdock x reader

Request: soulmate au. Reader meets Matt, he likes her a lot but doesn't know she is his soulmate, because he can't see the words on his hand. So maybe he meets her in a park and asks her on a date/she is his new colleague/ she is their new client/ a friend of Karen who came to visit (if you would like to write it just choose the one you like or maybe smth completely different). And then Foggy sees Matt happy and asks why, so Matty retells them their convo and Foggy is like: dude, you have her words.

Lawyer work came with stress, overtime, complicated cases and constant exhaustion. Daredevil work came with violence, sleepless hours, worries and physical pain. So yes, Matt Murdock hasn’t been himself for the last couple days. Acting all moody and grumpy, brushing off Karen and Foggy like they weren’t his best friends. To some extent, Foggy could understand him, since Nelson was very well aware of his alter ego. Karen however, didn’t, so after a while of babying him, she got angry and said a few words about his attitude.

“I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m tired of this!” she spat after he harshly told her to let go and leave him alone “you have no right to act this way towards me! I’ve been trying to help you since it seems like you can’t take care of yourself! But you know what, have it your way.” She rubbed her forehead in exhaustion “just remember that at this point me and Foggy are the only people in your life who cares about you. And you just keep pushing us both away!”

“I….” he started but she did not let him finish

“Don’t. I don’t want to hear it, anymore!”

“Guys, not that I’m complaining, which I obviously am, but you are scaring off the clientele.” Foggy, who was the only sane one at the office at the moment decided it was time to step in and bring his friends back to reality. They were still at work after all, and personal conflicts has no place in the space.

“What clientele Foggy?” Karen scoffed “in case you didn’t notice we are not exactly jammed. Maybe it’s because Matt is dead set on ruining the atmosphere here.”

“I’m not the one who’s yelling.” He pointed out “And also, I’m keeping my private business private”

“No you don’t” Foggy shrugged once again getting attention of both of them “Anyway, since you are quiet for a second, let me tell you we’ve got a girl waiting in the hall, probably in need of some legal help, so how about we got down to business?”

“Fine” Matt fixed his tie “let’s let her in. Karen?” he pointed towards the door

“I’m the legal assistant here, not the usher.”

“Oh, for God’s sake….” Foggy sighed and moved to invite the client in. “Welcome to the Nelson and Murdock, miss…..” he smiled a bit forcefully trying his best to cover up for ­not-so-good first impression. Nevertheless it did not impress the girl who just looked at him with a smirk and a bit squinted eyes “um… sorry about that” he grunted “we are not normally like this.”

“I’ve seen worse” she shrugged casually walking in “I work as a reporter in daily news, so fights and quarrels are daily bread for me.”

“But it’s not what you expect from your future lawyers, is it?”

“Lawyers?” the girl looked at him surprised, but quickly caught up on the situation and started laughing meeting with Foggy’s confused gaze “I’m sorry. I’m not here for legal help, I can handle myself and up till now, all my coworkers are safe and sound. If it were to change however…… Sorry, not the point. I’m here for Karen.”

“Karen?”

“Yes. Yes, we were supposed to grab a quick coffee and talk about some lead she has on a case….. she forgot didn’t she?”

“Well, miss…”

“Please, cut the miss. I’m Y/N.” she held out her hand and the man shook it firmly but gently.

“Well, I’m Foggy. Franklin, but no one calls me that. As for Karen, you might as well ask her yourself. Hey, Karen. Your friend is here!”

“What frie…..?” Karen emerged from the other room “Y/N!” she smiled happily and hugged the girl “Why are you….? My god, I’m sorry. I completely forgot we were supposed to meet. Let me just grab my coat and….”

“Hey, it’s fine Paige. Seems to me like you got something going on. I’d hate to interrupt. Feel free to take a rain check.“

“No, no. I need to get out of here. Is it ok if I take the rest of the day off, Foggy?”

“Fine with me. I got some ground work to do after all, so I’m out myself. It was nice meeting you, Y/N.”

“Likewise, Mr. Nelson” the girl nodded.

“Just wait here Y/N. I’ll get my stuff and we’ll go.” Karen assured the girl and left for her purse, Foggy coming after.

“Why did you never mention a friend like this?” he hissed

“You are already in love?” Karen let out a laugh “What about Marci?”

“Come on! I’m just saying she looks nice. And fierce. And intelligent.”

“She is. But your point being?”

“Why are you always looking for the hidden agenda?!”  

*** Meanwhile, Y/N was left by herself, forced to wait for her friend. For a couple of minutes she was kicking her heel’s but quickly got bored. With prolonged wait and with lack of anything better to do, she reached toward her backpack, grabbing the notebook and pen, sitting on the floor and starting scribbling. She couldn’t care less about the floor being a bit dusty and the wall she was leaning on being cold. The only thing that mattered was the idea that appeared in her mind, muffling all the surroundings.

“What are you doing?” well, she could not muffle the deep male voice knocking her off stride. She hated when people did that. She was deep in her own thoughts, fighting with the pace of her racing mind, always too fast for her pen to keep up the pace, and unfortunately more often than not, losing and being left with the bitter taste of her ideas running away without a trace. It was damn hard to capture them and this guy just ruined all her efforts. She sighed in defeat. “Not that I can actually see, but I hear your pen scrawling on the paper. I am quite observant.”

“ Writing is what I do.” She explained “for a  living and generally. Ask anyone who knows me, pen is my sword. Pencil, in worst cases.  Can’t even tell you how many times I found myself on the bus with one of those salient from behind my ear.”

“Seems like you are just passionate about your work.”

“It’s much more than just a work” she tried to lift herself of the floor, but her legs gave up making Matt walk the distance and help her. “thanks” she grabbed his hand and stood up fixing her shirt “you must be Mr. Murdock, the second half of the firm.”

“I am. And you are?”

“I’m Y/N. Karen’s friend.”

“She never mentioned you.”

“Why should she?”

“Because if she did, I would love to meet you.”

“And why is that?” she tiled her head observing him carefully “no offence, but you know nothing about me, and you can’t really see me, so the part about beauty does not apply. Besides, I’m completely average looking to say the least and we only exchange a couple of words, so why Mr Lawyer?”

Matt smiled hearing her talk. She was observant and not afraid to say her mind. He already liked that.

“Touche, Ms. Y/N. But you know, I can tell a lot more about you than you think.”

“How so?”

“I felt your blood pumping in your veins when you were writing in that little notebook of yours. I noticed your little smile and your dilated pupils. Just like now.”

“Well, I;m terrified of everything you are saying, so….”

“You’re not. You’re more …. Puzzled, intrigued. Not scared. That’s not what you do.“

“Fine. You got me. Guess that’s a lawyer thing, right? How about I tell you something about yourself in return?”

“ I’m listening.” He smirked

“ I work with the news. Lately, I’ve been covering the crime section, so naturally I have to be up to date with all the dirty secrets of the city. Including some vigilantes. And I know one of our own self-appointed-protector got injured in a fight. So now, tell me, Mr Murdock, does your back and your left side hurt a lot?” she whispered and her words just left him completely speechless.

“I’m ready, Y/N . Can we go now?” Karen called from behind, a bit taken aback with the view in front of her eyes. Her friends were standing opposite to each other, Y/N smiling triumphantly (an expression Karen saw hundreds times by now), Matt impressed and shocked (something pretty new to see).

“Yes. Yes we can go” Y/N turned on her heels and both girls left the office.

“What was that about?” Karen asked when they were out of Matt’s earshot (not really, but Karen did not know about his superpower).

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Y/N retorted pulling on her sleeve, covering the words of her alleged soulmate she had on the crook .”Nothing at all.”

***

“Why are you so happy all of a sudden?”

“Did you see the girl who came here?”

“Ok. Funny choice of words, Matt, but yes, I saw her. And what about that?”

“I think I like her.”

“Oh my god! Not again! You can’t let one girl slip past you, right?” Foggy groaned in frustration at his best friend attitude.

“It’s different this time. It’s more about what she said….”

“What exactly did she say? What were her first words?”

“I don’t …..”

“Don’t bullshit me, Matt. You remember dozens of things. Most of them completely useless. So. What. Were. Her. Words?”

“Writing is what I do.” Matt smiled and his whole face became soft at the memory.

“Dude!” foggy gasped

“What?”

“You have her words!”

“What?”

“You dumbass! You have her words! She’s your soulmate!”

“But I….”

“Of course you did not know! How could you! You are blind after all! But seriously man! She’s the one! Go after her!”

***

A few hours later Y/N was heading home, but her stroll was interrupted when no one else but Matt Murdock came from the perpendicular street.

“Are you following me, Mr Murdock?” she smirked, not amused at all, even if she did not about his other part.

“Writing is what I do?” he said softly, and at that moment she knew.

“What are you doing here?” she mimicked his gentle tone.

“Hello Y/N.” he took a step closer taking her hand

“Hello Matt.” the girl answered letting him

They found each other.

@pinksirensong @somest1

[andromedaexists]

WUPDATE: CALL ME ICARUS

𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝟸𝟷𝚜𝚝 || 𝙳𝚒𝚍 𝚢'𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚖𝚎?

It's been a while since i've been around, for a couple reasons! I don't want to get too into depth on this post since "life updates??" had the least votes in the poll, but it more or less boils down to a rough start with the first half of the year. but i'm back! (hopefully for a longer period of time this time!)

y'all wanted to hear what was going on with our resident Mess™️ and boy do i have some news to share:

Firstly, we're coming up on one year of Icky baby being in the world! I can't believe we're approaching October already, it's like just yesterday I released that ball of messed up morals onto the world!

Speaking of book 1 being released, it's currently half off on my itch.io for pride month! due to my health complications and all that i haven't really been promoting this sale but i would like to push it a little bit before the end of the month!

that brings us on to the other end of CMI announcements: book 2 information

I am still focusing the majority of my attention on finishing Desecrate and getting Incorrect Eyes ready for publication, but I wanted to let y'all know that I have started drafting CMI book 2. I already made an intro post about it a while ago, but ΔΙΑΦΘΟΡΆ has started to take shape! I've shared a handful of lines with the Shit Show as they've come to be, and soon y'all will see them too as i start filling up my queue with tags that i've missed in really the past year (i have a lot to catch up on!)

I think the most exciting part of the drafting process for me has been getting to incorporate my own pain back into a story. I forgot how much of a crutch CMI was for that on my end. Sure, Kit may be a great way for me to process emotional pain, and Hunter may be great for writing about my mental illnesses and all, but Icarus? Icky baby has always been the way that I process physical pain. And hoo boy have I been in a lot of that recently! He's not having a great time right now!

Finally, i'm just gonna leave this screenshot from discord to really drive home how the drafting of book 2 is going:

(thank you @written-in-starlight for your kind contribution to my fuckery)

hi hello so you clicked on the keep reading button, you might as well get a treat for that! here are the snippies that illicited these responses:

Achilles wakes up first, adorably wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his—or is that Icarus’?—hoodie. He looks up at Icarus, the exhaustion and residual grumpiness of being woken up being chased away by unbridled happiness as he practically yells, “He’s awake!” He doesn’t stay in bed, jumping to the ground and rushing out into the living room as the words leave his mouth. Apollon takes longer to rouse, grumbling and trying to go back to sleep by curling around Icarus’ waist and pressing his face into his stomach. Icarus smiles down at him, a surprisingly genuine small smile, one that holds years worth of carefully hidden love and affection. He takes a moment to look at Apollon in a way he hasn’t had the chance to since the blond showed up in his apartment. Apollon has grown a lot in their time apart, that much was obvious. He is all harsh angles, sharp edges where Icarus distinctly remembers soft curves that he always loved to trace. He looks good, despite looking less human than ever. An effect of the Elysian Program, no doubt, looking like a spectre that has known never-ending stress for the past 10 years instead of love and care. His olive skin is glowing, his hair splayed out on Icarus’ charcoal sheets like a golden halo. His face is soft with sleep, his lips slightly parted and oh so tantalizing. They look soft, Icarus knows they’re soft. He reaches a hand up, moving to touch them but diverting at the last moment to reach up to his own cracked and dry lips. He wishes he had the chance to see his person grow into this gorgeous man, wishes that he could have ever had a chance to exist at his side.

and (this one is very rough, like this is still in my outline level of detail kinda rough)

Apollon uses Icarus’ neck as a chew toy on the one side, biting down hard as Icarus moans, bucking his hips up into Apollon’s. Icarus knots his hand in Apollon’s hair, tugging hard on the blonde strands, trying to re-gain dominance. Apollon growls at that, biting down hard again before saying “You are mine.” Icarus pushes Apollon’s hips forward as he backs against them again, getting so incredibly turned on by the possessiveness. That is, until he whispers in agreement, saying “I’m yours.” Then, Apollon pulls away, wiping his mouth as he looks down on Icarus with disdain or disgust. A sneer on his lips as he turns away and says “I thought you said I didn’t own you.”

ANYWHO thanks for checkin out this update! I can't wait to talk more about book 2 as it takes form!! I'm hoping to have it ready to go in 2026 at the latest, if not ready to publish by the end of 2025!

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[meg2md]

Yooooo it's so hot outside, and the only place in my entire apartment with AC is the small window unit in my bedroom, but I don't want to be in my bedroom because that's the ONLY part of my apartment I've "seen" for the past 4 weeks on nights because all I do is come home and sleep and I REALLY want to dick around on the internet and play video games and finish Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow for book club tomorrow but it's so damn hot I can barely concentrate!!!

But

One more week of nights. ONE MORE. And then I'm officially a third year, which kind of blows, especially because last night was terrible. Got gaslit by an attending and cried in the signout room, then had my first bad cesarean delivery complication. :')

One of the interns told my co-resident that she feels safe with me and trusts my clinical judgement and is excited to work with me in a chief capacity, but I still feel like the world's biggest dummy. And next week, god, I do two nights of onc nights. Just me and the onc service. Duuuuuuude I'm so scared. Like my medicine friends have all dealt with a lot of the stuff I'm sure I'll get paged about, but I've been exclusively in charge of labor, antepartum, postpartum, and benign gynecology, which is mostly healthy people. Or unhealthy pregnant people, but I'm more familiar with those problems. Now I have to navigate SICK PATIENTS. Which is WILD. Things I anticipate getting paged about:

Afib/SVT

SOB/AHRF

Fevers

N/V, especially post-op

AMS

Hypotension

Decreased urine output

Vaginal bleeding

Medications

Post-op pain

And then I may also have to fill in the ORs if cases run late. I talked over some of these with my chief last night and she made it sound more manageable, but wow. I'm intimidated.

And to have to do onc nights and then roll up to present my research proposal and get asked questions I probably won't be able to answer in front of a crowd!!! Wow, kill me now. I don't have any idea what they're going to ask me or how to be prepared to answer their questions. But it's Friday morning so I'd best buckle up.

And then after staying late for research day, to have to show up to graduation and then back to the hospital for a night call shift, where at least I'll be back in antepartum/benign gynecology land.

I'm exhausted thinking about it. About how I'm going to survive this last sprint when I'm already so worn down and exhausted.

And then on top of ALL OF THAT my sink overflowed and massively damaged the apartment below me. I love being an adult!!!!!!

& I have to start organizing this webinar that I'm doing, so probably tonight I need to watch a couple of the pre-existing APGO ones. It's 7/10 and June is almost over. & I am trying to get the ball rolling on medical student surgical skill education but I didn't realize people had already tried to implement something and just didn't have time to make it consistent so now I feel like I'm walking all over people's toes. IDK. The politics of residency still baffle me. Is it ok for me to take over a project that has fallen to the way side? Who knows.

I'm just tired, and really hot, and very grumpy, and I have no motivation to do anything but have somehow thrown my laundry in the dryer, which is usually as far as I get, and then it sits there for days

[marvelingjules]

From my first week in the apartment, things I have done/learned....

Groceries fucking suck - especially when you’re building up a pantry.

It can be very quiet which can be very unsettling if you’re used to ambient housemate and outside traffic noises.

Sometimes you discover quirky things like hey that light switch doesn’t always work so you need to double check or else the light won’t actually turn off and will be on all day. And yes, you do in fact need to have maintenance come fix that.

I can and will logic away why I don’t need to talk/ask about the storage door outside and how it won’t. fucking. open. So far it’s been ‘I’ve been at work’ all week.

Random household items are weirdly expensive, and some are cheaper than you think, and some you can find cheaper at cheap-stores and are actually really nice.

Sitting in the morning with my coffee and the blinds over the patio pulled back a bit, and the glass door opened so it’s just the screen for half a foot, sitting in calm quiet watching Bailey sniff out at the fresh air in the sunshine, is absolutely soothing and a good start to the day, but hard to step away from as well.

Making meals is still a pain. Convincing myself to eat anyways is bleh. Leftovers need to be eaten but also suck and I get grumpy about it.

However I can also just make myself double-chocolate frozen belgian waffles for lunch and no one is around to judge me for it. Is it healthy? Not really! But at least I’m eating. :)

I really, really like the bowls I picked out and bought. And the silverware. Worth the extra cost for them because using them makes me smile.

I can nap whenever I want and no one gets to judge it.

Coming home after work is so much less heavy. I am still tired, but so much calmer and lighter in that exhaustion than before. (”I don’t know if that really makes sense, that before it was a heavy exhaustion and now it’s a calm one, but that’s what it feels like,” I told my therapist. “No, I think that makes perfect sense,” she assured me.)

You accumulate a lot of boxes and trash when moving in. It piles up. It haunts your space. You do eventually have to take it out. Yes it sucks. But you’ll feel better for doing it.

[toloveandbelovedtoo]

Day 7: tears

This one is coming a little early today. Its been a week since I started this exploration and there's been so many emotions and feelings each day. Saturday I felt exhausted, I felt done, I didn't want to feel like this anymore and was fighting with my head that we needed to keep going, that this pain and discomfort was temporary. Sunday I felt so anxious in that yoga class and holding onto so many emotions that I've been working through the last however long.

I had feelings of understanding on Sunday. Understanding that I am worthy of love, that I am loved, I felt that love that I receive from so many people. I expressed my understanding and feelings to my friends that day. I didn't cry on Saturday and managed to get a little out on Sunday. I knew there was going to be a big release and I think there will be many more as I continue down this path of healing. Right now I'm laying in my bathroom my head resting on a squishmallow and covered in a small blanket while I hold a seal stuffie. I cried a lot before writing this and I'm shaking as I type.

I felt anxious for the last few hours, thinking I was responsible for someone's own sad emotions. I was worried I had hurt someone I care for and trying to think of how to fix it and make it better. The person never expressed to me that I was the cause of anything they were feeling. As far as I'm aware, I haven't done anything to claim responsibility for my actions and I know that I can't make assumptions, I have to wait until someone tells me something I did or said hurt them.

Growing up, I felt like I was responsible for the emotional well-being of the people around me. I needed to ensure my mother was happy, because if she was happy then the house could be at peace. I had to make sure my twin was happy, because if she wasn't, she might physically hurt herself. I carried that weight on my back to ensure my house was okay. Sometimes my twin would cry and talk about wanting to die, so I would walk us to the library a few miles away because if we were there, then we would be safe. My mom wasn't home in the afternoons or evenings, often I wouldn't see her until bed time so I was the parent.

I remember going to the bathroom to shower and I would sit on my knees hunched over as the water hit my back. I would cry and sob to myself, telling myself that I'm a good person, that I'm a good daughter, that I'm trying so hard, and that all I want to be is to be loved. I still do that from time to time, I remember crying a few months ago just saying out loud that all I want is to be loved. And logically, I know I am loved. There are so many people in my life that love me, but because of how I grew up, it's taken me so long to really understand what that feels like. I'm scared of losing all that I built and I won't be strong enough.

I'm sharing this photo of me crying not because I'm looking for attention or sympathy, though if y'all have pet photos I would be glad to see those. I wanted to show me at my most vulnerable, to show a side of me that I don't let people see. I've always been smiles and radiating energy, I've always tried to be like sunshine, warm, bright, happy. But that not always me, that's a part of me, but I'm also grumpy, I get sad, I get annoyed with client calls, I hate standing in lines, I cry a lot and Im not always strong. Sometimes I just want to be taken care of and I don't want to feel guilty for asking for that.

A friend and I were talking the other day about therapy and life and he had mentioned that what it seems I'm looking for is to be seen. I want my abuse acknowledged, I don't want to have to hide it away and sort of "move on" from it. I hate the idea of saying well that happened, but let's go heal and move forward because I want to sit in that mud and just be sad about it for a bit. I think there's a part of healing that isn't really visible or recognized and that just getting to hold your muddiness and give it space and getting to be sad.

I hated the idea an ex-friend had told me about "suck it up buttercup" because I want to confront my past, I want to look at it and be seen and hold it for a moment so then I can get all the feelings out that I never had the chance to in the past. I don't want people to say, oh Taylor he's so brave he's a survivor look at how amazing he's doing. I don't want to always be strong. I want to be sad, I want to be weak, I want to let my inner child cry so that adult Taylor can grow where he could not previously.

I cried today because I was scared I wasn't a good person, that everything I was working for was going to come crumbling beneath me. I was scared my friends would leave me as some had done before, I was scared that none of this was going to work out. I'm still scared, this is all new territory for me to be so open like this and to put it all out on display. It's so new to think about what a healthy love feels like and to just let myself be vulnerable, visible, and receptive to love. I'm scared as I strengthen my foundation with these new bricks.

[beauvibaby]

there won’t be anyone else — t.seguin

a/n: obviously my timeline isn’t going to be accurate, and I know he went back to Canada for a large portion of his recovery but this is what worked… should I do a part 2???

Part two here!

summary: tyler asks his best friend to stay with him and his daughter during his recovery

word count: 5.2k

tagging people who interacted with my post: @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @mandypants95 @fallinallincurls @sidscrosbyy @myhockeyworld87 @lilyhood22 @joeyisourranger @je-ne-regrette-rien @youngbeezer @slimdebrusk

“Y/N?” Tyler spoke nervously, you tore your eyes off of the six month old in your arms, she gurgled in complaint as she grabbed at your face, “what’s up?” You asked him, shushing his daughter as she kept pinching your face. He smiled at the sight of you two, “I have to have a couple of surgeries, big surgeries, and I’m going to need a lot of help with Willow.” He explained, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, “do you think you could come stay with us for a while?” He finally asked, you nodded instantly, you’d known Tyler ever since he came to Dallas. Long before he ended up as a single father to little Willow. “Of course, Ty.” You assured him, “anything you guys need.” You added, giving him a soft smile as Willow reached for her daddy. “Hi baby girl.” He grinned, smothering her in kisses, “glad you finally wanted to come back to me.” He teased her, holding her above his head as she giggled, the sight alone melted your heart as she grabbed at his beard the second it was in reach. “When is the surgery?” You asked him, you were fortunate enough to run an online shop, so really, as long as you could bring your supplies to his house, which you knew he’d have no problem with, you’d be set.

“Next week,” he paused, glancing over at you, “in New York.” He rushed his words together. “New York?” You gasped, eyes going a little wide. “You don’t have to come!” He stated, “my mom is going to meet me there, and then she’ll fly with me back here.” He explained, “I’ll be gone for a little over a week, then I can rehab here.” He added, realizing he didn’t explain anything very well. “Are you sure you don’t want us there?” You asked, motioning to Willow who was happily laying on his chest, gurgling away, probably close to taking a nap since she just ate. “I do, I really do, but it’s not worth the hassle, she’ll be happier here.” Tyler sighed, resting his chin on top of her head. “I’ll send you a bunch of pictures and videos of her, promise.” You laughed softly, thinking of how crazy this recovery is going to be for him. “You’re going to do great.” You assured him, seeing the wheels turning in his head, “I’m sure of it, and I’ll do anything I can to help.” You murmured, running a hand through your hair as all he could do was muster up a smile.

***

Day 1.

Tyler’s mom FaceTimed you that night, once he was coherent enough to remember seeing his daughter. “Hi, Mrs. Seguin.” You spoke softly, Willow looking around with wide eyes on your lap, you flipped the camera to show her, “Tyler.” His mom mumbled, handing the phone over, he looked exhausted but the way his eyes lit up when he saw Willow, she’d just had a bath so she was only in a diaper, showing off her chunky little legs. “Hey, Willow, hi baby.” He spoke, she focused in on the phone, rapidly swatting at it as she recognized his face. You giggled, moving her around to be sitting more on your chest, her face next to yours. “Say hi.” You cooed to her, waving her hand for her, she bounced excitedly as he smiled at her.

Day 2.

He was a little grumpy that day, but tried not to show it as he got to see Willow via FaceTime again, you knew he was already tired of being unable to move.

Day 3.

You were talking to him encouragely as he walked for the first time in three days, Willow sleeping in her room, Tyler’s mom held the phone out in front of her. You knew it had to be hard for her as well, to see her son like this, all because he was playing the sport he loved. You took some time to talk to her as the nurses helped Tyler get back in bed.

He didn’t feel up to talking again that day so you were sure to send him photos and videos of Willow, she was finally sitting up on her own without falling over.

The next week went on like that until he was finally coming home, luckily it was right during Willow’s long afternoon nap, so you could help him get settled and get everything in order before his mother had to leave to catch a flight tonight.

***

“Hey, Tyler.” You smiled, opening the car door, greeting him brightly, he tried to mimic your eyes excitement, but you could tell it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Hey.” He mumbled, letting out a soft groan as you helped him get out and onto his feet, he gave his mom a hard time about using the wheelchair, you could see the pain floating in her eyes, just overly worried that he would fall. “I’ve got him, Jackie.” You assured, walking directly beside him as he hobbled with his crutches, she nodded, grabbing the bags out of the car as you helped him get inside the house.

“Thank you.” He sighed, leaning into the couch cushion as you put a pillow under his leg. You just gave him a reassuring smile, his mom dropping the stuff by the entryway, “be easy on her, I know it’s hard for you, but imagine if you saw Willow like this.” You added in a whisper, understanding came across his face as he nodded, motioning for her to sit beside him, you let them have their moment as you grabbed his bags and brought them to the room he’d been staying in, on the first floor for now, until stairs weren’t a questionable decision.

You put the clothes in the laundry, and moved some stuff down to the guest room, humming softly as you did this stuff without question, just doing it to be helpful, not thinking of how much the small gesture would really mean to him.

After a while, you peeked in on Willow and she was still sleeping soundly with her arms above her head, you smiled, carefully shutting the door to the nursery and heading down the stairs with the monitor, Jackie had to get going if she was going to make it to the airport in time. So you both said your goodbyes, and you could tell it was hard for Tyler to let her leave like that, but what was he to do, she has a life to get on with as well.

“How has she been while I was gone?” Tyler asked, looking at Willow on the monitor, his heart clenching in his chest, wanting nothing more than to hold his baby girl again. “She was good, Ty.” You giggled, easing his nerves, he nodded, “thank you, so much, I know we just started the recovery process but you’ve already helped so much.” He explained, adjusting himself on the cushions, “you don’t have to keep thanking me, I’m happy to help, I love spending time with her, and you.” He smiled at your words, giving you the side eye as you turned away in embarrassment. You two had always been flirty, but once he came to you and said that was going to be a dad, he changed, he stopped going out, he spent his time at home, and it only made it easier for you to imagine a life with him. “We like spending time with you too.” He whispered, resting his hand on your knee right before Willow started to cry. You could tell he briefly forgot he couldn’t go get her as he went to sit up but then stopped himself. “Don’t worry, I’ll get her.” You hopped up, excited to see her when she finally got to see him for the first time in over a week, you took the stairs two at a time as you heard her crying get more intense.

As you picked her up, you completely forgot that Tyler had the monitor, and could hear and see you tending to her. “Oh my goodness.” You cooed, scooping her up, “your daddy is so excited to see you.” You grinned, kissing her chubby cheeks, making a brief face of disgust as you got a whiff of her diaper, “let’s get you cleaned up first.” You whispered, grabbing her a new outfit, this one having dealt with a small blowout. You quickly changed her and put her in her little jean shorts and a pink shirt, if it wasn’t for you, you were certain Tyler wouldn’t have anything girly for her to wear. He was watching the whole time as you took care of her like she was your own, his heart swelling in his chest, he’d always had a thing for you, but as he saw you with his baby, it only made him fall harder. And he became determined to make you his by the time he was back to playing.

He turned the monitor off and shimmied himself to be sitting up more properly as you came down the stairs, “who is that, Willow?” You gasped, pointing towards Tyler, she began to bounce in your arms. “It’s daddy.” You grinned at her, walking over to him and allowing him to take her. He breathed out in relief, “I missed you so much, baby girl.” He groaned, hugging her tightly, she pushed on him so she could lean back and look at him, she looked at him with a completely serious face before trying to bite his nose. He broke into a fit of laughter as he moved her away from his face, “that’s not nice princess.” He joked, tickling her sides, she giggled swinging her little legs as he lifted her up. “I swear she grew in a week.” He mumbled, sitting her on his good side, she sat on the couch, chewing on her hands and getting drool everywhere. “And she sits now.” He groaned, dramatically resting his head in the couch, she mimicked him and fell into the cushion. “Crazy girl.” You commented, taking the chance while she was distracted to tie up the top part of her hair, she definitely had his hair and all it did was fall in her eyes. Tyler smirked at you, you rolled your eyes at him, “now she looks like a real little princess.” You quipped to him, he faked a gasp, dramatically hoisting her into his chest. “How dare Y/N say that about my princess.”

It was a lot of extra work, and mess, but you brought her jar of food and bib to the couch so Tyler could feed her, knowing it was one of his favorite times with her as she was so smiley. “Have you ever tried this?” Tyler asked curiously as you sat beside him with her in your lap, she happily ate the spoonful of puréed apples, peas and beets. “Baby food?” You asked with a laugh, he nodded, pushing some more into her gummy smile, she gnawed on the spoon as he tried to take it away. “No, I haven’t.” You answered as you contained your laughter, “I tried it once, I figured it couldn’t be so bad, and it was even worse than bad.” He explained, carefully prying the spoon from her hands, she pouted at him, about to cry until he gave her the last bite and let her chew on the soft rubber spoon. “I’m sure it was.” You snickered, lightly wiping around her mouth, “when’s that first tooth gonna come in? Hmm.” He spoke to her, rubbing her little tummy as she burped, he smiled at her, the love he had for her was something only a father and daughter could share, and it was beautiful as you could see the concern on his face as she began to whimper. You let him take her as you went to get rid of the jar and spoon, coming back with her bottle.

“I just changed her, so she should be good for a while after this, is it alright if I go get some work done?” You asked him, he easily nodded as he laid her back on his chest, holding the bottle up to her lips as she eagerly started sucking on it. “Yeah, of course.” He spoke, not hearing you had already started walking away once he nodded, he smiled as you were tying your hair up sloppily while you walked, something you’d always done when you were getting focused on a project.

He turned on the golf channel, sinking into the couch with Willow as she fell asleep once her bottle was empty, he laid her down in the cushion beside him, boxing her in with a rolled up blanket and leaving his hand resting on her as he himself fell asleep.

***

Tyler had been home for a couple of weeks, physical therapy had been stepping up a lot, which meant he was incredibly sore by the time he got home, and incredibly stubborn. He figured, if he could do it just fine with a doctor walking beside him, there was no reason he couldn’t walk ten feet into the bathroom. Well, he quickly found out he was wrong as he stumbled from a pain in his hip and ended up on his knees, cursing as he couldn’t push himself up. You heard him fall, then the sounds of him cursing to himself and you shot up. “Tyler!” You called, rushing towards his room, he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment as you rounded the corner. “Hey, hey, are you ok?” You gasped kneeling beside him. He shook his head, slumping against the wall in defeat, “what’s wrong?” You asked, looking over him, trying to make sure he didn’t pull any stitches, or injure himself again. “I just can’t get up.” He muttered, slamming his fist on the wall. “I’m a fucking professional athlete and I can’t stand up on my own!” He snapped, he thought you’d move away at the tone of his voice, but you didn’t, you only moved closer, wrapping your arms around him in a hug. “I know, Ty. It’s going to be ok.” You whispered, his breathing was ragged as he finally gave in and hugged you back. He calmed down as you just stayed there, letting him hug you as tight as he needed, you pushed his curly mop of hair back once he completely calmed down. “You ready to get back up again?” You whispered, he nodded watching you stand up and give him your hands. “Just push with your good leg, alright.” You gently reminded him, stepping a little sideways to give your feet some traction. “One, two, three.” You pulled on his hands as he slid up, his back against the wall steadying him, he planted both feet on the ground, you quickly grabbed his crutches.

“I’ll just wait until you’re back in bed.” You mumbled, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he nodded, hobbling to the bathroom right outside the room. Your adrenaline high quickly crashed as you waited for him, and you found yourself laying flat on the bed as you waited.

Tyler came back into the room, stopping in the doorway as he saw you stretched out on half of the bed. A smile came over his face as you shifted in your sleep, burying half your face in the pillow, inhaling softly as you felt at peace. He didn’t wake you, he couldn’t bring himself too, so he carefully got into the opposite side of the bed, the thumping in his chest so loud he was certain you could feel it as you subconsciously rolled towards him, resting your hand on his chest as he threw the blanket over you.

Eventually, morning came, and when you woke up in the empty bed, the events of last night came rushing back and you leaped out of bed, not only was Willow crying from her room, but you didn’t see Tyler anywhere, you instantly became worried he’d fallen again and you’d slept right through it. “Y/N?” Tyler called as you went rushing past the kitchen looking for him. “Tyler!” You gasped in relief, placing a hand over your chest as you saw him pouring a cup of coffee. “I thought you fell again, oh my god, where did you sleep? Oh, the baby, let me get the baby!” You rambled heading for the stairs, he chuckled as he listened to you stomp up them, Willow’s crying soon stopping as you picked her up.

He was feeling a little better today, so he managed to get Willow’s morning bottle ready, and some toast for himself, settling himself at the table as you came down the steps. Your hair was tangled in itself, you didn’t have makeup on, and you were in oversized sweats and a tank top, but you’d never looked better to him as you giggled with his daughter on your hip.

You called his name as you walked into the kitchen, spotting him at the table, he didn’t answer, but his eyes were pointed in your direction, “Tyler?” You called again, snapping your fingers. He blinked, “what? Sorry.” Tyler muttered sheepishly, “did you want eggs?” You asked him, eyeing him suspiciously as you maneuvered Willow in your arms to give her her bottle. She happily started drinking it as you propped it up on your cheek, pulling the eggs out of the fridge. “Give her to me.” Tyler chuckled, making grabby hands for her as you struggled to balance everything, you happily gave her over, glancing back as he cooed down to her, whispering a good morning as he kissed her messy head of his hair, they looked so like in that moment, Tyler with his hair sticking all over the place, and Willow with hers pushed to the side from you, with a clip barely holding it back.

“I’m not sure if you’re up to it, or if you want to, but I was going to go to the pumpkin patch later today, if you and Willow want to come?” You offered, “I know you hate having to use that wheelchair but it would be so fun to see her next to all those giant pumpkins.” You raddled on, giving Tyler the chance to admire you, “yeah, that sounds fun.” He answered, smiling when you turned to face him excitedly, “I’m sure you have some cute outfit for her planned out too.” He rolled his eyes jokingly, and you nodded eagerly, of course you did, how could you not, it is her first fall season after all.

“Here ya go.” You mumbled, sliding a plate in front of him, he furrowed his eyebrows, “I never answered about the eggs.” He didn’t argue though, as he picked up his fork and took a bite. “I know, but you’re doing a lot today, you need them.” You giggled, offering a small piece to Willow, now nearly eight months old. She happily mushed it with her couple of teeth, smiling brightly at Tyler, he nodded reassuring her that she was doing good.

Finally you were loading up into the car to go out for a while, Willow dressed in the cutest outfit she had, something you’d bought before she was even born. The belle sleeve onesie just barely still fit her chunky frame, and the red overall skirt over top just made her look even more adorable, and of course, a matching red bow in her hair. Tyler jokingly didn’t approve of how short her skirt was as he took her from you once you arrived, she sat perched on his lap as you pushed the wheelchair down the isles, thankful for the wood boards they had put down as paths in the dirt, Willow was making noises at everything she saw, reaching out to touch the pumpkins every once in a while. “Let me get a picture of you two.” You stopped his chair next to a huge pile of pumpkins, and he stood Willow up on his lap as she grinned at you, it was by far one of your favorite photos of them so far.

An older couple was walking by and smiled at you, “would you like me to take a photo for you?” She asked, and before you could even process her words, Tyler was answering with a yes please. You felt the blood rush to your face as you approached him, he handed Willow to you, and you were about to stand beside him but he gently pulled you to sit on his good leg, you didn’t have time to react, you only smiled for the camera just like he was. “Oh, how beautiful.” The older woman cheered, handing the phone back over to you. “Thanks.” You mumbled, Willow hiding her face in your neck, suddenly shy. You clicked on the picture, and you felt like your chest would explode, you looked like a family, but you weren’t. “Y/N?” Tyler called, you quickly shoved your phone in your pocket, “are you ready to go?” He asked, taking the baby back from you, confusion laced in his tone as he saw the look on your face. “Yeah, Uh, yeah let’s go.” You mumbled, pushing the chair towards the exit, he held in a sigh, trying to figure out what had caused your sudden mood change.

***

“It’s Christmas!” You heard Tyler cheer as he got Willow out of her crib, the nine month old clapping her hands out of his excitement. Tyler was on the upside now, his second surgery complete, and now rehabbing both, he was able to walk without his crutches, he had to go slow on the stairs, but the doctor encouraged him to keep working on them. In a few weeks he’s going to be skating for the first time in months, and you were terrified, meanwhile he was ecstatic, ready to feel like his normal self again. You smiled, keeping your eyes shut as your door opened, “it’s Christmas!” Tyler shouted, putting Willow on the bed and letting her crawl up to your head, mushing on your cheeks, you gasped lifting her up quickly, sending her into a fit of giggles in her reindeer pajamas. “Christmas? Your first one!” You spoke to her, Tyler smiled, sitting beside you. “Merry Christmas.” He whispered, handing you an envelope, he laughed as you put Willow down and quickly pushed yourself to be sitting against the headboard beside him. She made her little baby babble as she played with the bunched up blanket. “You didn’t have to get me anything.” You spoke softly, opening the envelope, revealing a gorgeous Christmas card. “Oh shush, just read it.” You could hear the nerves in his tone, you shot him a smile before letting your eyes run over the extensive writing he’d done.

“Y/N, you have been a godsend in mine and Willow’s life, there isn’t anyone else I would’ve trusted to leave her with during all of this, there isn’t anyone else I’d want to be helping me off the floor at three am. What I’m trying to get at is,

There isn’t anyone else. I don’t think there will be anyone else.

So, if you’d kindly accept my gift, dinner, without Willow, a date, that’s what I’d like to call it.

Love, Tyler.”

“What’s the matter, Seguin? Too afraid to ask me in person?” You quipped, he opened and closed his mouth searching for the right words to say, “is that a yes?” He finally asked, a hopeful look dancing in his eyes. “Of course it’s a yes. I’ve only been waiting months for you to ask.” You giggled, catching him off guard by pecking his lips, it isn’t like you two hadn’t shared kisses before, but it was normally in a drunken state. “Uh-huh.” He hummed pulling you back in for a proper kiss, Willow shrieked, startling you both. She was looking at you angrily, before snuggling up to her dad, as if saying you weren’t allowed near him. “Good job, princess, gotta protect daddy from mean ol’ Y/N.” He murmured to her, earning a glare from you, but as he broke into laughter, you couldn’t even keep up your charades. “Come on, it’s Christmas, she’s got presents to open.” You mumbled, kissing her chubby cheek, “presents!” He cheered, holding her up highly, she giggled as he lunged her back down.

The date had gone as good as you could’ve hoped,

not exactly how he’d planned, but still a great night, the sitter had cancelled, and the restaurant he wanted to take you too didn’t offer a pick up option, so you ended up eating pizza on the living room floor, watching Disney movies, per your request, and talking about everything and anything. And of course, there were lots of stolen kisses.

***

“It’s alright to be a little scared you know.” You reminded your now boyfriend, he was about to go on the ice for the first time in months, and the anxiety just hit him, what if’s repeating themselves in his head. Willow was fast asleep in the stroller, tired from her own activities this morning. “But–“ “No but, you’ve got this babe, you’ve been warming up to this for months, hell, you probably skate better than you walk.” You cut him off, giving him a short pep talk, you squealed in delight when he pulled you in for a quick kiss. You pulled away with a smile, “now, go show that ice whose boss.” You giggled, pecking him once more before patting his shoulder, you weren’t allowed to watch him rinkside, no distractions allowed, so you took Willow for a short walk, all the while she slept. You kept yourself busy, getting caught up with things on your phone as you waited for Tyler to call and say he was done.

Finally as you went back to get him, Willow was awake but grumpy, and hungry, so you kind of just rushed in with her on your hip. Also remembering you had some stuff to do for work today that was time sensitive, “how’d it go?” You asked as you bounced her in an attempt to get her to calm down. Tyler slung his bag over his shoulder, “it was great, rusty, but it felt good.” He explained shortly, sending your urgency, “I’ll put her in the car.” He offered, taking her from you, and instantly she calmed down, only making you feel worse. You knew it was common for her to go through phases, hell, she’d done this with Tyler where she wanted nothing to do with him for almost a whole month, you didn’t realize how bad it would hurt. He shot you an apologetic smile, “hey, just take a deep breath. You’re gonna get everything done on time.” He assured you.

***

New Years had come and gone, and Willow’s first birthday was quickly approaching, as were her first steps. Tyler was sad that they were going to be happening so soon, but at the same time he was beyond excited for her to be running around in no time.

She quickly grew out of the phase of only wanting Tyler, which both of you were grateful for, as he could see it eating away at you.

“Come on, come to dada.” You heard Tyler, you peeked your head around the wall, seeing him sitting on the floor arms reach away from Willow, she looked at him quizzically, reaching her arms out, she wobbled but didn’t fall. “Come on baby.” He encouraged her, she took one step, two, three, and he just kept sliding back until she couldn’t go any further. “Oh my god!” You and Tyler shouted at the same time, “shit,” he jumped now knowing you were behind him. “Hi.” You laughed, sitting beside him, “I think you officially have a walker on your hands.” You told him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He furrowed his brows for a moment, he looked as if he was going to say something, but then decided against it. “Yeah I do.” He chuckled in agreement, setting her back on her feet and grinning as she did it again, and again, and again until she was too tired to do anymore and just plopped herself on your lap.

“Hi baby.” You mumbled, kissing her forehead, she sighed, nuzzling into your neck, instantly falling asleep. “She loves you.” Tyler mumbled, tucking your loose hair behind your hair, you bit your lip as you looked over at him. “I love you.” He breathed out, relief hitting him when you broke into a huge smile, “I love you, Ty.” You mumbled, he kissed you as good as he could with Willow curled up on your lap. “Let’s go put her to bed, yeah.” He laughed, taking her from you and disappearing to her room in record speed.

***

Tyler had his first morning skate today, finally getting back into a routine with the team, he was anxious as it was on a Saturday, thankfully no game today, but it was Willow’s birthday party. Of course, all planned by you, Tyler clueless on what to do for a one year old, all he knew is it had to be puppy themed, because those were her absolute favorite things.

“Woah.” Tyler stopped in his tracks, seeing the decorations you’d spread out around the house, his dogs happily laying with party hats on their heads. “Baby, this is awesome.” He chuckled as you came around the corner to greet him, “I know it is.” You laughed, welcoming the hug he offered you. “Thanks for doing all this for her.” He mumbled against your head, “of course.”

***

“Dada, dada, dada!” Willow shrieked running towards him, “Willow?” He gasped, his first game back resulting in a loss, but he scored and you couldn’t lie, it made you emotional. And he was all the clueless to you two being here, “surprise!” You grinned as he scooped her up, “you came?” He mumbled in shock, kissing his daughter before pulling you in with his other arm, “of course we came.” You whispered against his lips, smiling as he finally kissed you, “you did so amazing, babe, I’m so proud of you.” You cupped his jaw with one hand, “thank you.” Is all he could get out before Willow started to speak. She reached for you, “mama.” Your breathing hitched, and Tyler’s smile had grown. You looked to him, afraid to over step, “yes baby, that’s mama.” He assured her, “Tyler.” You cautioned, taking her as she kept reaching for you.

“Y/N, she’s just as much yours as she is mine, you’ve been here since she came home, you’ve taken care of her like a mother, and I don’t plan on letting you go anytime soon. So yes. You’re her mom.” His words brought tears to your eyes, he smiled softly wiping away the tears, kissing your forehead as Willow watched curiously, she kissed your cheek with a smile, having learned early on to be affectionate to people she liked. “Thank you baby,” you cooed to her, resting your head on top of hers. “Mama?” She hummed, smiling against you. “Yeah.” You agreed. “I love you.” Tyler sighed, snapping a picture of his girls, he said the words right before he snapped the picture, getting the most genuine smile from you. “I love you.”

taglist: @boqvistsbabe @tortito @2manytabsopen @heybarzy @barzysreputation @yzas-stuff @iwantahockeyhimbo @calgarycanuck

[gamerwoo]

[Tales from the Pack] Joshua: Second Chance (Part Four)

Characters: Joshua x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, fluff, fluffy angst, Josh being a grumpy old man lmao

Word count: 2,042

Summary: After his mate died, Joshua always blamed himself and never wanted to imprint again. However, fate has other ideas when he meets you: a young, energetic werecoyote that’s quite the opposite of him. He insists he doesn’t want a new mate – nobody’s even sure if he’s ready for a new one – but he can’t ignore his instincts.

Previous | Next | Second Chance Masterlist

Because of how exhausted he was, Joshua was in and out of consciousness for a while. He couldn’t even keep track of days because he was sleeping at weird hours -- but it had really only been two days. He never stayed awake for very long -- the longest was always just to eat and go to the bathroom if he had to, and then go back to sleep -- but the first thing his eyes always found when he opened them was you.

You, however, weren’t asleep for nearly as long. You woke up again in the morning to see Joshua was still asleep -- you didn’t know he’d ever woken up. You still had a million questions bouncing around your head about who he was, what happened next, and the like, but you decided to just go with it until you found out. No point in panicking, right?

“You should be all set to go home today,” Minjee reported.

The wolfsbane was cleansed from your system -- mostly thanks to Joshua, otherwise your recovery would’ve been slower since you didn’t heal as quickly as the werewolves -- so all you really had to do was rest until your body fully recovered. But that was the same for Joshua, so it worked out. 

However, Minjee wasn’t sure what was happening when you were discharged. Would you go home with Joshua and his pack mates? Would he turn you away and have you go off on your own? Even Hansol and Kyung said they weren’t sure when Minjee had asked.

But you just nodded, not even having those thoughts cross your mind, “Okay.”

Minjee sat down on the edge of your bed and studied you, “Do you mind if I ask a few questions first?”

“Sure,” you shrugged without hesitation.

“What’s your name?”

“_____ _____.”

“And where are you from, _____?”

“The Capitol.”

Minjee’s eyebrows raised, “So you’re not too far from here, then. We’re in the Capitol -- southeast of the castle.”

Huh. You didn’t know that. That was at least convenient to be close to a familiar place. But the Capitol was huge.

“Do you have a pack or family?” Minjee continued.

You shook your head. You’d been on your own for a few years now.

“You’re alone?” she asked.

In the other room, Kyung and Hansol looked at each other. 

“So then why were you running around the forest at night, _____?” Minjee continued.

You shrugged, “Got bored.”

Minjee definitely thought you were...interesting. You were all by yourself, you were running through the woods in the dark for fun, and you still somehow didn’t seem fazed by any of it. And to top it all off, you still kept glancing over at Joshua and rubbing one thumb over his knuckles like you were already comfortable with him. He was a complete stranger to you, you hadn’t even spoken to him or seen him awake, but you didn’t seem to care. You weren’t even asking her questions like she expected. It was like you didn’t care about anything, you were just rolling with whatever came.

“Hey, Jee?” a girl opened the curtain and popped her head in. She had loose springy curls that were tied into two buns on her head, brown skin, dark freckles dotted over her cheeks and nose, and golden eyes that shifted over to you. Her eyes widened slightly for some reason before returning to Minjee. “Two of our other alphas are here. They want to know what’s happening with Joshua.”

“He’ll be good to go home when he wakes up,” she replied warmly with a nod. “He’ll definitely need the help home, though.”

The foreign girl turned her head, listening to what someone else was saying to her before turning back again, “Jihoon wants to talk to you.”

“Send them right in.”

The girl stepped aside to let two men through the white curtain -- you wondered if it was actually a bedsheet. One was short with light brown hair, and the other was taller with silver hair. The shorter one had an undercut with the rest of his hair looking a little wavy, while the taller one’s hair was fluffier and parted to the side. Like the girl, they both had golden eyes that seemed to study you curiously.

Jihoon and Seungcheol assumed you must’ve been the girl they’d heard about considering your cot was still beside Joshua’s, and your hand was wrapped around his. You didn’t react to their staring, just blinking back at them. But they took note of one physical difference that Soomin either forgot to mention or simply was unaware of: instead of gold eyes, your eyes were an icy blue. 

The taller one’s eyes moved over to the doctor, while the shorter one continued to blatantly stare at you. Of course, you stared back.

“Is he really well enough to come home already?” the taller boy wondered. “It’s only been two days.”

Minjee nodded, “Hansol has medicine he’ll have to take three times a day to help with pain and healing, and Joshua will have medicine to take every twelve hours. ______ will need medicine as well, but... Um, other than that, the two just need a lot of rest -- especially Joshua.”

“What about her?” the shorter one asked, nodding his head toward you.

Before Minjee could say anything, you opened your mouth, “What about me?”

Jihoon’s eyebrows raised in surprise, almost like he didn’t think you could or would talk, “...Sorry.”

“Can you guys keep it down?” a groggy, raspy voice asked beside you.

Your head whipped to the right as you felt Joshua’s fingers squeeze yours. He was rubbing one eye with his free hand and letting out a yawn before he blinked his eyes open and looked between the two alphas.

“He lives,” Seungcheol chuckled. “How do you feel, Shua?”

“Like shit,” he replied, draping his arm over his eyes.

The two alphas noticed Josh was keeping his hand in yours despite being awake. Their eyes flickered from your hands, to each other.

“What’re we talking about?” Josh asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Uh...well…” Seungcheol tried desperately to find the right words to ask what he planned to do about you, but he was too scared to bring you up to Josh. He didn’t want to upset him already.

Thankfully, Minjee spoke up, “I need to know what’s happening with _____.”

Hearing your name, you broke out of your trance of staring at Joshua now that he was finally awake, and looked at the doctor.

Joshua tore his arm away from his eyes and lifted his head slightly to narrow his eyes at Minjee, “Who?”

She gestured to you, “Your mate.”

Hearing the title made him growl lowly in his chest as he slowly turned to look at you. Despite the aggressive noise, you could hear his heartbeat pick up when his eyes landed on you. It was also the first time he was seeing you awake, and deep down, it felt amazing to see you actually alive and well.

However, he still managed to tear his hand away from yours.

“She’s not coming home with us,” he scoffed. “She’s not my problem.”

“Josh--”

“Jihoon, you can’t tell me what to do,” he cut off the alpha. “I’ll do perfectly fine on my own, thank you. I don’t want or need another mate.”

However, everyone was surprised to see that you weren’t speaking up. They looked at you and found that you didn’t even seem bothered by Joshua’s words or actions. You had lifted your now empty hand closer to your face, looking at it as if you’d see traces of Joshua or something. But your expression was neutral before you looked up at Josh and shrugged.

“Alright.”

Seungcheol blinked, “A-- Alright?”

“Yeah,” you shrugged again. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It kind of is…” Jihoon said like you were stupid.

Hey, maybe you were. You didn’t know how any of this worked. You didn’t even fully grasp what was going on.

“It’s a good thing you’re braindead, I guess,” Joshua snorted under his breath before laying his head back down. 

“We’ll just...take him home now,” Seungcheol told Minjee awkwardly, bowing his head slightly in a silent apology.

“I’ll go get their medications,” the doctor replied as she stood. “You can get Hansol and Joshua ready to be discharged.”

The curtain was pushed aside so the two patients could now interact. Seungcheol and Kyung were going to have to help support Joshua as he walked at least to the edge of the forest so Seungcheol could properly carry him without getting odd looks. But Hansol was good enough to walk home on his own, and you were, too. So you got out of bed and changed back into the clothes you were in when they found you -- but now they were washed and clean.

“So..._____,” the taller alpha began just to make some sort of conversation in the awkward silence, “where are you going to go now?”

“Uh…” you trailed off before shrugging. “I don’t know, probably back to the cave.”

“Cave?” the girl repeated as the group looked at you with varying looks of surprise. “I thought you were from here?”

“I am,” you nodded, “but I don’t live here.”

“You live in a cave?” the shorter alpha checked.

You shook your head, “Well, no. Recently, I’ve been staying in a cave because I found it. Before it was just...wherever there was some sort of shelter.”

“So you don’t live anywhere?” the wolf you had yet to meet asked. He had shaggy strawberry blonde hair and stayed close to the other girl.

“I guess not.”

You were too busy going back to putting your shirt on that you didn’t notice the way the pack pointedly looked at Joshua.

-

As the pack was leaving and walking down the few steps -- going slowly as to be accommodating for Josh -- you followed behind them. You weren’t really sure what to do with yourself for the rest of the day since you still weren’t feeling 100%. Maybe you could just go find a place to nap or something.

The pack continued onto the path, but Joshua turned his head. He saw you still standing on the middle step, looking this way and that with a thoughtful look on your face as you held a small paper bag with your medication in it. He stopped walking, causing the two who were helping support his weight stop. So the two behind him stopped, as well. They all turned to look where he was looking, which was at you.

Joshua very loudly cleared his throat, catching your attention. He was looking at you in annoyance, and his eyes rolled when you continued to just stand there and stare at him.

“Well come on,” he snapped.

“...Huh?”

“Let’s go,” he said with more force. “I’m tired and wanna go home. If you trail behind and get caught in another net or get attacked by wild animals, that’s not my problem.”

He turned back and continued walking again, the two beside him moving with him despite them continuing to glance back at you.

Was he...inviting you home with them? But didn’t he say you weren’t going with them? So--

“You should probably hurry,” the short one -- you realized his name was Jihoon -- told you, though he had traces of a smile on his face. “He’s pretty irritable.”

“Shut up, Hoon,” Joshua called behind him.

Jihoon chuckled but continued walking.

Hansol, however, stayed back to wait for you. He understood you must’ve been a little confused. You were dying, only to wake up to a mate, members of his pack, and now you were being told one thing and then something completely opposite. So he waved you over.

“C’mon, _____,” he called with a warm smile. “We’re gonna take you home.”

Home. That sounded nice to you. It was a word you hadn’t heard or thought of in a while now. So you bounded down the steps and walked beside Hansol as he began telling you about their pack and the house.

Ahead of you, Joshua was grumbling to himself in annoyance about the whole situation.

[roymustangonly]

Valueable Moments

A story in which you are a male Lieutenant working directly under Roy Mustang. 

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST BROTHERHOOD PART ONE SPOILERS!!

Though it always seemed that the man was stressed, you couldn't stand to see Roy in the state that he was currently in: hair pointed outwards in every which way, deep circles beneath his jet black eyes, and his overall sluggish demeanor.

The broken man took his seat at his desk, groaning as he laid his head in his arms for a moment. He didn't care about his appearance around you at the moment, knowing you'd excuse his current behavior. "Good morning, Sir." You chimed, attempting to forecast a bit of your energy towards him. A slightly less painful groan was left in return, causing the edges of your mouth to twinge in sympathy.

Today was a rather slow day, which would work in Roy's favour. It was a Friday morning, with most work being completed already from the previous four work days. There were a few papers that he needed to sign, however they could technically wait until the following week.

Roy didn't seem to move after he uttered that groan, which could only mean that he had fallen asleep. You couldn't help but smile, quietly placing your pen back in its holding cup. You stood from your seat and pushed in the chair carefully, walking over to the Colonel. The position that he was in didn't seem right for his back, so you decided to try to lift him. The man didn't seem like he weighed too much. With a height of 5'8" and a lean muscular composition, he was bound to be within your carrying capabilities. This was where your theories fell flat.

You placed your arm around his two legs, and another behind his back, ready to lift. However, Roy was much heavier than he seemed. He must be carrying more muscle weight than you anticipated. You huffed and removed your arms, gazing back at the man before you. He was still fast asleep. The poor man must not have slept last night. Who could blame him after losing Maes…

You sighed and placed your hand on his head, gently moving each strand of hair from his eyes. Normally he'd never let you do such a thing, but there was no opposition when he was this exhausted. The corners of his mouth moved upwards in a sleepy smile, eyebrows moving from furrowed to relaxed. You heard a quiet noise escape from him as he moved his head slightly, as if he wanted more.

You felt a small ping of excitement as you brushed your thumb from the bottom of his front hairs to the root. Your hand left his head as you removed your jacket, draping it over his shoulders to act as a blanket. You left a final pat on the top of his head as you quietly stepped away.

As you reached your desk you picked up your phone, scrolling the wheel to dial Armstrong's extension. Of course he’d be able to lift the Colonel. Plus, he seemed like he’d help the man. He proved to be an extremely compassionate individual. You tapped your foot quietly as you waited for him to answer, fingers grazing against the curled telephone line. Your mind drifted to what excuses you could make for Roy in the event that someone called. You bit your bottom lip as you brainstormed, nearly jumping out of your skin as you heard Armstrong pick up.

The thoughts that were once invading the weather of your brain were now scattered, like a few calm clouds in a serene evening sky. “Hello?” Armstrong greeted, seeming a tad confused. “Hello, Major Armstrong, this is Lieutenant L/N. I require your assistance in the office if that is all right.” You explained, keeping your tone quiet. “YOU REQUIRE MY ASSISTANCE? OF COURSE! I WILL BE THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! THE ARMSTR-” You felt bad for hanging up abruptly, however even the voice in the telephone was too loud for the sleeping Roy across the room. He grumbled a grumpy noise and buried his head further into his desk, returning back to his immobile state. You sent a swift grin his way and made your way to the door, not wanting the Major to wake him up.

You exited the office and waited patiently for Major Armstrong, humming quietly to yourself. Meanwhile, Armstrong was running down the halls, elated that someone needed him. As you saw the Major, you put a finger to your lips, causing him to slow down in his tracks. He stopped in front of you and whispered… Rather, spoke in a normal tone for average beings. You weren’t sure if he was capable of legitimately whispering. “What do you need help with, Lieutenant?”

You pressed your pointer finger to your lips once again as you opened the door to the office, letting the Major in. His eyes opened wide as he whispered “Is he dead!?!?” You immediately closed the door and rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “The Colonel is asleep, and I’d appreciate it if you kept this between the two of us, Sir. Would you mind helping me lift him to the sofa? He seems quite exhausted and truly deserves the rest.”

Major Armstrong immediately melted and babbled about how kind of you that was, and how noble it was for you to ensure that he rested. You swore you could see hearts appear, framing his head as he continued to gush. When he was finished, he easily lifted the Colonel. Roy stirred a bit in his sleep but didn’t move much, as he was truly exhausted. The Major grinned ear to ear and giddily brought Roy to the sofa, placing him gently down. He gave the Colonel a light pat to the head and retreated back to you, nearly skipping due to the overall joy he was feeling.

You shook your head and let a crooked smile slip as the Major gushed to you. He swore that the Colonel leaned into him, like a small child. Armstrong was shaking with excitement, thanking you again for choosing him. You insisted that you should be thanking him, but he just seemed too damn happy.

As the Major finally exited the room, you rubbed your eyes and began to walk to your desk, stopping in your tracks as you heard your name. “Y/N…” Roy mumbled, eyes just barely open. You immediately turned around, walking over to your superior. You bent down so you were eye-level with Roy. “Yes, sir?” You asked, making sure to keep your voice down. “Why am I here… I n-” “Colonel, you need rest. I was quite unsure if you were even alive a few moments ago. Please do not argue with me, you deserve this rest. I’ve already taken care of everything else.”

He began to protest again, but his arguments were nearly as weak as his ability to stay conscious. You sighed and stood up, adjusting your uniform. “Rest well, Colonel.” You stated, turning back to face your desk. “Y/N wait-” You turned back around. Roy had a hand extended out, mumbling quietly: “Nap with me?” You immediately shut him down. Flirting? In this state? He is too persistent. You couldn’t even tell if he was being serious, due to his tone of voice, as well as not knowing his sexuality.

Roy gazed at you and sleepily smirked. “What if I told you that was an order?” You knew this had to be a joke, but for some reason the delivery of it felt off. You couldn’t help but catch the bit of yearning behind his fake demanding tone. How were you supposed to say no to that? Especially when there was a chance that he was serious. If anything, you could simply state you were following orders. There was no way you could be outed… right?

The thought of doing so made your head spin. You couldn’t tell his intentions and it was a bit overwhelming. The possibility of being outed, and having Roy disgusted with you, caused a wave of anxiety to hit. You began to sweat beneath your shirt, still looking for any sort of social cue. Roy groaned and placed his left hand over his eyes. “You are no fun…” He grumbled. For some reason he sounded genuinely upset, and that was all you needed to hear. Now, you were sure he was serious. “Okay.” He uncovered his eyes and sat up slightly. “Okay?” “Okay.”

You removed your uniform boots and sighed, awkwardly lying next to Roy. For some reason, knowing he was serious made it even more anxiety inducing. Though he was half asleep, Roy noticed your stiffness and wrapped an arm around you, laying his head on your chest. This caused your cheeks to warm. He smirked and closed his eyes, placing his other hand on your abdomen to rest. You moved your arm to support Roy’s head and placed your hand on his shoulder, fully holding him.

You took a few breaths and attempted to calm yourself, oblivious to the fact that Roy could hear your heartbeat. Deep down Roy was as smug as ever, but he decided to keep that to himself, not wanting to add to your anxiety. “Is this… okay?” You mumbled, unsure of how exactly this was supposed to work. Being in the closet caused you to avoid relationships, fearful that someone would harm you, or worse, your partner.

“Yes, Y/N. This is fine.” He stated reassuringly, holding in a chuckle. You exhaled in relief and lifted your right hand, threading your fingers through his hair. Though it seemed spiky, it was surprisingly soft, which was a pleasant surprise. Roy hummed and let you comb through his hair, feeling a bit generous today. Especially since you did agree to comfort him as he slept. Though, he’d never admit this.

You closed your eyes and continued to card your fingers through each strand, feeling the fatigue begin. After a few minutes you opened one eye, peeping down at Roy. He was fast asleep, right arm hugged tightly around your middle. You grinned ear to ear, feeling grateful that you were allowed to see the Colonel in this vulnerable, precious state. You adored seeing his head move slightly upward with each breath you took, and back down when you exhaled.

Was this what relationships felt like? Was your fear causing you to miss out on these moments? You shook these thoughts away, not wanting to ruin this valuable moment. You closed your eyes and held Roy tight, unsure when you’d ever be able to do this again. Even if you couldn’t, this one moment would satisfy you for a lifetime. 

Sorry if this is considered too similar to the last! I’ve been going through a lot lately, and comforting others is really just... stress relief to me. I usually write depending on my mood and I’m sorry if this gets annoying! Any constructive criticism would be great as long as it isn’t too harsh! Thank you for reading!

PS: All my works are unfortunately unedited. I do not have the patience to reread my longer works. Apologies!

                                                                                           Word Count: 1776

[aetherhollowarchive]

sun, moon and spider for all the ros and the other characters if you can, please? would love to learn more about them all

You really went full on, anon :)) Thank you for the ask! And super happy to hear you're interested in the story ♡

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

Eli - Crush Sovereign in the worst possible way. Will lie, cheat, manipulate and kill for it. It’s become a bit of an all consuming though. Will obviously get over it, since they're a RO :P Other than that obsession - finish what their sister started and return the empire to its former glory (there's a reason why it's so whimsically called Summersmead^^).

Keyon - He genuinely wants to make the empire a better place for its people. He’d do a lot for this goal, he’s already sacrificing a lot of his time and energy and often at the cost of his own physical pain and exhaustion. He’d also bribe and kill, but never without Sovereign’s permission.

Rae - This is a tough one. I kept defaulting to negatives: never be weak again, never let others dictate her life. She’d been drifting for a long time, been in a lot of bad places, tangled with some very shady people. Then she met Blythe and she saw something of herself she lost in the other woman. I guess, right now, she wants Blythe to never go through what she had. She’d end anyone who has any ill intent towards her friend.

Blythe - Wants to be her own person, outside her family’s expectations. Well, she ran away from home and sought refuge with a despotic ruler, so I’m guessing pretty far, but nothing criminal.

Thane - Boy just wants to be loved and accepted, a place and people to call his own. Linkin Park’s Somewhere I Belong came to mind:  "I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real I wanna find something I've wanted all along Somewhere I belong"

Bonus Angelica - The Chosen One: wanted to change the world. Well, she did pay the ultimate price for it :P Carling Powlett - Chief of police: dissolve the class system. Nobility should have never existed. She’s taking a more political approach. Nothing good started with bloodshed. Alder - Pirate king: freedom. He’d do anything for it, except to put his crew in any danger. They are a packet deal, so to speak. Gytha - The Clockwork Maid: Wanted to make a joke and say she wants to be a real girl. ^^ But honestly she just wants to be seen as real. And another thing that is, surprise, surprise, spoiler-ish.

☀️ SUN - are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

Eli - surprisingly, they are a morning person. They just wake up with that excitement, a brand new day to experience, new adventures and highs, new ideas how to set things right and plot revenge. They’d make a coffee first thing, but it's more a habit than a need.

Keyon - morning person extraordinaire. Wakes up like clockwork and is very set in his daily routines. He enjoys those early hours the most, before the day’s activities take their toll on him. Takes his tea at a nice table by the window while looking over the plans for the day ahead.

Rae - not a morning person, but is not excessively grumpy if needed to wake up earlier than she normally would. She’d take a shower first, and set her prosthetic hand. Then a shot of rum to start the day.

Blythe - a bonafide night owl. Will be tired all day if woken up too early and potentially get a headache throughout the day. She checks on her pets first.

Thane - He is not a morning person at all, but forces himself to wake up at some ungodly 4 AM for an extra hour of training. I imagine he curses his existence the first time he opens his eyes and sees the sun has not yet risen. Then he's off to the training grounds.

Bonus Angelica - The Chosen One: Morning person. Had coffee with Eli - it was basically their tradition. Carling Powlett - Chief of police: Not a morning person naturally, but still wakes up to always be on time at the station. Kisses her wife. Alder - Pirate king: He wakes up… whenever the f**k he wants. Not a morning person per se, but years as a part of a cohesive crew has made him wake up relatively early (or past noon depending the events of the night before). He does a quick walk around the ship when he wakes up. Gytha - The Clockwork Maid:

I couldn't help myself.

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

Eli - A literal daredevil, so no irrational or mundane fears here. As for the biggest one - disappointing their older sister. It somehow got worse after her death.

Keyon - Biggest fear is dying without leaving a mark on the world. He’s a highly rational person, so I really can’t picture him having unfounded fears. 

Rae - Not a lot of fear left when you suffered through the worst of life, I guess. Biggest would probably be losing the few people she let herself get close to.

Blythe - Biggest fear - turning into her mother. She’s a germaphobe, but do germs count? 

Thane - Dying alone and unloved as the biggest one that he also does not fully comprehend. Heights for the mundane (and he’s very ashamed of it).

Bonus

Angelica - The Chosen One: Conformity. Not striving for excellence when things get easier/ life gets contempt. Carling Powlett - Chief of police: Failing the people of the city she’s sworn to protect. Otherwise she’s a tough cookie. Alder - Pirate king: Losing his crew or freedom, in that order. A bit of a claustrophobe.  Gytha - The Clockwork Maid: Being discarded.

[high-functioning-lokipath]

Star Trek - Leonard "Bones" McCoy x reader - Southern Charm - Words: 3,556

A/N: While I did write this with TOS in mind, I do believe it is fairly AOS compliant as well. Enjoy!

"Lieutenant Commander Y/N L/N, Chief Medical Officer of the Starship Serenity."

"Welcome aboard the Enterprise, Doctor L/N. I'm Captain James T. Kirk. This is my first officer, Commander Spock and our CMO, Doctor McCoy. We're looking forward to having you as the first trainee in the Starship Exchange Training program."

"Pleasure to meet you all. And I'm looking forward to it as well," You replied, stepping off the transporter pad. You gave the Captain a handshake, the First Officer a Vulcan salute and then turned to the grumpy looking CMO.

"How old are you?" He demanded to know.

"Old enough," You assured him, crossing your arms. "Why do you ask?"

"Just don't see many youngsters like you with that rank," He trailed off, leaving the statement open ended.

"Well, I happen to be an outlier. Or haven't you heard of that, Doctor? Besides, I'm not that young," You replied, curtly. You didn't often become confrontational this quickly but questions on your age and suspicions on how you got your rank were a sore spot for you.

"Just because I have to train you doesn't mean I have to like it," McCoy grumbled.

"I never asked you to." You quickly grabbed your bag that was transported with you and walked to the doors. Just before you stepped out to the hallway, you turned back around. "Captain, Commander, have a good evening. I am looking forward to working with you two over the next few weeks. Don't worry, I know where my quarters are. Doctor, I will see you at 6."

As you unpacked your bag, you thought over what happened in the transporter room. You had really been looking forward to this training and you had heard many great things about the Doctor. Of course, you had also heard he was a bit of a grump, but you hadn't thought it was this bad! You decided to stay in your room for the rest of that evening, as it was already late when you arrived, and try for a fresh start in the morning.

"Are you out of your mind? I'm a doctor, not an assassin!"

"I was simply saying, Doctor McCoy, that Starfleet medical personnel are completely untrained in self defense techniques! We are trained to save lives, not take them. That I completely agree with. But we must also be trained how to defend and disable. Defend ourselves, disable our opponents. Otherwise we may become a hindrance to any away missions we get assigned on!"

"Look, even if you're right, and you're not, when would we have the time to train?" He yelled. "Have you ever been to medical school? Do you know how stressful that is?"

"Of course I went to med school! I happened to graduate top of my class! And I remember very clearly how stressful it is! But they need to make it work! Even another month would be enough for most!"

"Another month?" He screeched. He raked his fingers through his hair and rubbed his forehead. "Look, I have plenty of training to defend myself in the field. Let's just agree to disagree and get this over with."

"Alright, Doctor," You sighed. The first 2 weeks of training slowly passed with the only change in attitude being on your side. You'd gotten to disliking the Doctor as much as he disliked you. Every day you trained was near constant arguing and insulting.

Unbeknownst to you, Kirk had started taking bets from the senior crew members on when in the final week you two would get together. Whoever won would get 3 days vacation. The current bets on Kirk's paper were:

Uhura: As she steps on the transporter to leave Thursday

Scotty: Monday

Chekov: End of shift Tuesday

Sulu: Beginning of shift Wednesday

Spock: At precisely 07:35 in the evening Friday

Kirk looked oddly at Spock when he submitted his estimate. "Spock, you do realize she is scheduled to leave Thursday afternoon."

"Yes, Jim."

"So why-"

"I have my reasons."

"Logical, I'm sure."

"Quite. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm needed in engineering."

"Ok, Spock. But don't get your hopes high about any vacation!"

Monday: Scotty's Day

You got up early and headed down to the rec room to get breakfast. Usually you had breakfast in your room but this morning, oddly enough, Scotty had invited you to join him for breakfast. Once you entered the rec room you mentally groaned. Of course McCoy would be there!

"Good morning, Scotty," You greeted, walking up to his table which was unfortunately right next to Kirk, Spock, and McCoy's table.

"Aye! And an even lovelier morning with you here, lassie!" You blushed slightly, surprised at the engineer's comment.

"Oh please!" You scoffed. You were about to walk away to the replicators to get your food when Spock cleared his throat.

"I believe Mister Scott is correct, Doctor. Your hair and makeup accentuate your natural beauty quite well."

"Spock!" You, Kirk and McCoy gasped at the same time.

"Look here," You finally said, gathering your composure. "I appreciate a compliment here and there but really! I'm going to go get my breakfast and I don't want to hear one more peep out of any of you when I return! Understand?" They all nodded and stuck to their word, not another compliment for the rest of the day.

Tuesday - Chekov's Day

Your shift had gone fairly well. Training with Doctor McCoy was finally becoming almost bearable and there hadn't been any major disasters. "Doctor, was there anything else you needed me for today?" You asked, stepping into the open doorway of his office.

"No, you can go if you'd like," He sighed, not lifting his eyes from his PADD.

"Is something troubling you, Doctor?"

"Just a lot of paperwork, darlin'," He said absently. You blushed brightly and he quickly tried to correct himself. "I mean, Doctor. Sorry." He finally looked at you, face as red as yours. You nodded and attempted to make a hasty exit but you ran into a gold blur.

"Oh! Ezcuze me!" Chekov quickly said, helping you up. "I'm wery sorry! Are you hurt?"

"Only my pride, Pavel," You replied, dusting yourself off.

"What in blazes happened out here?" McCoy yelled, stomping out.

"Oh nothing, Doctor," You assured him.

"Well watch where you're going next time!" He ordered. With that he marched back to his office and closed the doors. You sighed and wished Chekov goodnight before leaving.

"No vacation," Chekov mumbled softly before leaving Medbay too.

Wednesday - Sulu's Day

You walked into Medbay to start your shift only to find Sulu already there. "What are you doing here so early?" You asked. "Your check-up isn't for another 45 minutes."

"I wanted to make sure I got here on time. You know how it is on the bridge sometimes," He chuckled. You nodded and chuckled lightly. You checked the schedule on the PADD and noticed the Ensign before him had cancelled.

"Well, Sulu, you just managed to get an early appointment. Step on up!" You had him sit on the nearest biobed and grabbed your Tricorder. As you started running over the usual check-up points, Dr. McCoy walked in.

"You're here early," He commented. Sulu nodded and you explained what happened. "Alright. Y/N, I'm going to leave you to it. I have a headache this morning and I think I'll just sit in my office for a bit with the lights down." You looked at him a little better, noticing how exhausted he looked. His hair was a mess and there were dark bags under his eyes. He may be a pain but he was still human and you felt for him.

"Did you need me to get you anything, Doctor?" You asked. He shook his head but groaned at the movement. "Just comm me if you need anything." He made a noise of agreement and you went on with Sulu's checkup.

Thursday - Uhura's Day

"Good morning, Y/N," Uhura greeted you in the turbolift on your way to Medbay.

"Good morning, Uhura," You replied abit sadly.

"You alright, sweetheart?"

"I'm going to miss you all. I love my ship and my crew, don't get me wrong, but," You trailed off, unsure of how to explain yourself.

"You don't feel like family there?" She filled in. You nodded slightly. "Oh honey, I understand. Don't feel bad, alright? Who knows! Maybe you'll get a transfer one day even!"

"That would be nice I guess," You admitted. The doors swooshed open and as you stepped out, Dr. McCoy walked by.

"Doctor L/N," He said, sounding somewhat frustrated. "I need you to gather all the anti-toxin hypos we have."

"Of course. Is everything alright?"

"Spock just told me we're going on a mission tomorrow. He should have told me at least 2 days ago. The new colony on Oliza 6 sent out a distress call about 1 week ago saying that something was wrong. They said some of the younger people were having strange reactions to some of the foods."

"That's odd. Isn't the food on a planet usually tested first?"

"Yes but apparently they forgot to test on the younger adults. Blasted regulations. Test one adult you've tested them all." At this point you had nodded a silent goodbye to Uhura and started walking with Doctor McCoy down the hall. "Let's see if we can't find out what's on that planet and run some tests of our own. Might save some time."

"Doctor?" You said, somewhat hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"I do have to go back to my ship this afternoon. I," you paused. McCoy had finally started to be nice with you and now you had to go. You didn't want to upset him again on your last day. "I'll help as much as I can on the tests of course, Doctor, but I-"

"No, no," He said with a sigh. "I didn't realize it was Thursday." He smiled slightly and put his hand on your shoulder. "If you tell anyone what I'm about to say, I'll have to kill you," He joked. "Your work has been excellent. Your skill set is beyond your years and please don't take that wrong. You've impressed me." You blushed at his praise. "Of course, I still don't agree with the extra combat training," He added. You rolled your eyes and he chuckled. "But I guess you're not so bad."

"Well thank you, Doctor. I, uh, I guess I'll get the hypos for you now."

"Oh, um, yes, thank you," he replied somewhat awkwardly. The rest of your shift went about the same. You and the Doctor awkwardly dancing around each other. Eventually, though, the time came for you to finish packing, and leave the Enterprise.

As you headed to the transporter room, Uhura came running up to you with a small package in her hands. "What's this?" You asked.

"Oh, just a little going away present that a few of us put together for you."

"That's really sweet of you. Thanks so-"

"Bridge to Lt. Uhura," The Captain's voice rang through her comm.

"Duty calls!" She exclaimed. "Keep in touch!"

"Will do!" You replied, heading off to the transporters. Once you got there though, you saw Scotty talking to the Captain through the comm. He seemed upset about something.

"But Captain! I-"

"Scotty, we need to help that colony. There's no time."

"Aye, Captain. Scott out," He sighed. "I cannae believe 'at."

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, lassie. I'm so sorry! The Captain just got an emergency message from Oliza 6. We're heading there straight away."

"So I'll be staying another night?"

"At least." Your brows furrowed in thought. While you did want to get back to your ship to start your transfer application, a few more days here was not all that bad.

"Ok," You replied. Scotty seemed surprised. "I'll just take this back to my room and then head to Medbay. They'll probably need me handy."

"Aye. I'll let the Captain and Doctor know." You nodded in reply and headed off. When you returned to Medbay, you could have sworn you saw a look of relief on McCoy's face.

"Doctor L/N," McCoy said. "I'm putting you in charge of Medbay for the time being." Your eyebrows raised in surprise. "Jim's put me on the landing party and you technically are the next ranking medical officer on this ship."

"Well, thank you, I guess," You said. "Have you made any progress on the tests?"

"I believe so," He pulled up some test results on his PADD and showed them to you. "The hobgoblin ended up helping me but he was actually of some use." He looked around furtively. "Don't tell him I said so though."

"I promise," you said seriously. You stared at each other for a moment before you both broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Really though, the fruits on Oliza 6 seem to be causing a buildup of adrenaline in their systems causing aggression, anxiety and heart problems."

"Hm, interesting."

"That's what the hobgoblin said," McCoy grunted. You chuckled and he finished explaining their plan to administer hypos to everyone. The comm suddenly whistled.

"Bridge to Dr. McCoy," Uhura said.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" He replied.

"The Captain is preparing to beam down now and would like you to meet him in the transporter room."

"Alright, I'm on my way." You followed the Doctor as he gathered a few last minute items from his office. When he grabbed his phaser from his desk you couldn't help yourself.

"Doctor, that phaser is last year's model. Didn't you get your new one?"

"Oh, must not've. I'll ask Scotty for one." He grabbed his communicator and flipped it open. "McCoy to Scott."

"Scott here. Whaddya need, Doctor?"

"L/N said my phaser is old. Got a new one for me?"

"Sure do, Doc. I'll have her all polished up for ya when ya get to the transporters. Just remember, this one's a wee bit more powerful than the last. She's got a bit of a kick!"

"Don't worry, Scotty, I'm sure I can handle it. McCoy out." You looked worriedly at him because, knowing his views on defense training and based on what he said, this new phaser would throw him for a loop.

"Doctor, perhaps you should just stay with your old pha-"

"Doctor L/N," He said stiffly. "I do not want to hear anything more about training. I am perfectly capable of defending myself. Please do not worry yourself. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a mission to attend to. Do you think you'll be able to handle Medbay while I'm gone?"

"Of course, Doctor McCoy," You snapped. You heard the Medbay doors swoosh closed and sighed, leaning on he's desk in his office. You closed the office doors and locked them, needing a moment to gather yourself. "Gah! That man is so annoying!" You yelled to yourself. "If he doesn't get himself killed on this mission-" you left your threat unfinished. "Oh! I could just kiss him," You seethed. "I mean, kick." You paused, mid-pace, and shook your head vigorously. Your brain had apparently taken a left turn without telling you. "Did I seriously just-and now I'm talking to myself. Ok, Y/N, get yourself together. You'll figure it out later." You finished your little pep talk and headed back out.

The first few hours were fine. One or two clumsy engineers with a few cuts and bruises. A sniffle here and a headache there. It was actually somewhat relaxing. You decided to be a little helpful and got some paperwork done for Dr. McCoy. As you sat in his office tapping away on your PADD, you found yourself lost in thought. You hoped he wouldn't be upset that you did some extra work for him. "That's not what I asked you to do, Doctor!" You mocked under your breath. Chuckling slightly you continued your quiet monologue, "Oh wouldn't he be upset if I ran a report on him. He definitely is overworked. He'd come in here, yelling and screaming in that adorable southern accent of his, and he would proba-" You interrupted yourself again. Staring off for a second, realizing what you just said. "Adorable? Good grief. I'm either unconscious or demented."

The rest of the shift went fairly well and you heard that the landing party was making good progress too. Finally you turned everything over to the night shift doctor and went to your quarters to get some rest before your shift began again in the morning. Your sleep that night was restless, though, and when your alarm went off you didn't think you had slept a wink.

Friday - Spock's Day

"Good morning, Doctor L/N," one of the nurses greeted you as you walked into Medbay.

"Good morning," You replied tiredly. "Anything on the schedule?" You asked as you got a cup of coffee from the replicator.

"No. Just a couple of vaccines that the nurses can take care of."

"Good. I'll be in the office if you need me then."

"Are you alright, Doctor?"

"Fine. Just couldn't sleep last night."

"Oh, I understand. I'm worried about Dr. McCoy too. As I understand, the reaction the youths are having is fairly viol-"

"I am not worried about the good doctor!" You yelled, angrily. "Just in case you didn't notice, he's not exactly my type. And even if he was, that is no concern of yours, nurse!"

"Permission to speak freely, Doctor?" She asked with a slight smirk.

"Of course," You replied, rubbing your forehead. "I'm not the dang Captain." She giggled lightly before replying.

"That's exactly what McCoy would say. No go get some rest. We'll hold down the fort, Doctor." With that she walked off to get a few things prepped for the day. As you walked into the office and sat down, you thought about her observation.

"Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

A few hours later, after a short nap and another cup of coffee, you were reorganizing the supply room when Scotty called through on the comm. "Doctor L/N! We're gonna need a team down here immediately! The captain and Dr. McCoy were injured and we're beaming them aboard right now!"

"Ok, Scotty, we'll be right there, how serious is it?" You replied. Chills had run up your spine when he said Dr. McCoy had been injured but you kept yourself focused.

"The Captain's not too bad. I think he said a broken arm. Doctor McCoy though. He's in pretty rough shape."

"Alright. L/N out," You signed off. You started to grab emergency supplies and sent the emergency team down to the transporter room. Just like Scotty said, McCoy was in critical condition by the time you saw him. He was completely unconscious, had multiple broken ribs, a broken right arm, a fractured left leg, and a concussion. After about 3 hours in surgery, he was finally patched up. You looked at the chronometer and saw it was about 3 in the afternoon. Deciding that you needed to talk to him as soon as he woke, you opted to sit guard on a chair next to his bed.

"Doctor L/N?" A nurse called out. You opened your eyes with a start. Looking at the chronometer again you realized another 4 hours had passed.

"Has he woken up?" The nurse nodded. "Well why didn't you wake me?" You whisper yelled, not wanting to wake him now.

"For the same reason you're whispering now. He didn't want to wake you." You shook your head and looked back at him sleeping on the biobed. "His vitals are good and he will likely make a full recovery in about a week."

"Oh no! This doctor is getting a prescription for some real R&R for at least a month. He's been far too overworked." You immediately grabbed the PADD with his chart information and put him on medical leave for a month. The nurse smiled at you and shook her head.

"You know, you're technically off duty now. You can head back to your quarters."

"I think I'll stay here a bit longer," You said slowly, a blush rising to your cheeks.

"I thought so," She nodded. You settled back down in the chair and got a bit more paperwork done on your PADD. Looking at the chronometer again you saw it just turned to 7:33pm. You heard a groan from the bed and saw the Doctor waking up.

"Well hello there, darlin'," He smirked.

"Hello, Dr. McCoy," You smiled.

"Oh for Pete's sake, would you please just call me Leonard!"

"I'll consider it," You grinned. You stared at him for a moment, realizing again just how scared you had been.

"You alright, Y/N?"

"I was just so scared, Leonard," You admitted. "I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to tell you-" you stopped mid-sentence, nervous to continue.

"Tell me what?" You decided to chance it so you bent over and gave him a quick kiss. Standing up quickly, you looked away embarrassed. "Well, I'm not sure I understood. Can I hear that again?" He smirked. You smiled and leaned forward again for another kiss. You vaguely heard the doors open but neither you nor Leonard paid attention.

"So, any plans for your 3 days vacation, Spock?"

[kojinnie]

Something About Pain | Reiner Braun

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Reader (she/her pronoun)

Summary: You ran away from home and your boyfriend Reiner Braun is desperate to bring you home. When the two of you meet, you share a conversation about how pain inflicts the two of you differently.

Tags & Warning: Angst, (eventual) fluff, (mild) hurt/comfort, slow burn, major miscommunication problem, past trauma, abandonment issue, mention of anxiety, Reiner is a grumpy, hurt individual yet delicate inside | SFW

Word Count: 4.5K

A/N: Based on the request by @okubean for Twisted Match-Up! I hope you like it, boo! (More A/N at the end of the fic)

.::My Masterlist::.

Twisted Match-Up (x Reader): Zeke | Hange | Jean 

There was a vivid look of worry on the face of Reiner Braun as he drove through the empty neighborhood streets. His right hand on the steering wheel, the other one tapping anxiously on the phone, dialing the same number over and over again to no avail.

All of his calls had gone straight to your mailbox, and his text messages were no longer delivered. Reiner came to realize that you've blocked him. "Idiot," he muttered to himself, cursing this whole modern affinity to accommodate people running from their problems easier. Reiner thought the feature was the stupidest thing ever created by humankind, he was pissed, but more annoyed. He realized how tired he was, and if he could, he'd rather be in bed right now. Not roaming your friend's neighborhood at ungodly hour.

"Where... the fuck... are you..." he was pissed, evident from the grunt as he tried one final desperate attempt to call you. It went straight to your mailbox. Your cheery voice didn't make him feel any better, if any, Reiner wished he could tell the mailbox-you to shut the hell up.

Reiner finally hit the brake, sighing annoyed. His black SUV stopped underneath the streetlamp, at a random neighborhood he could only vaguely remember. He had been here before, when he picked you up from your bestfriend's house after one of your "night out" with your friends from college, but he could barely remember which one of these identical suburban houses did she live.

He rested his forehead on the steering wheel, racking his brain trying to remember the house number. Is this even the correct cul-de-sac? There are tens others. Who the fuck came up with the concept of suburban housing? Strips and strips of uniformed houses. And even worse, who the fuck thought that it was such a great idea to live in one? Like some Stepford Wives nightmare. Reiner couldn't believe some people would save up money for all their lives to pay off their mortgage to live in complete conformity, like a communist utopia with capitalist credit system. Were these people right in the head or had their brains fucked over by the boring 9 to 5 jobs they've had for decades?

That's beside the point. Reiner sighed. He ranted a lot when frustrated.

He knew you'd be there, in one of these houses, curled up crying in your bestfriend's bed, perhaps pouring your heart out on how much of a bad boyfriend Reiner was. He knew because you've passed the micro-aggression millionth times, muttering under your breath, saying that you'd be fine if Reiner kicks you out because your bestfriend would take you. What kind of fuckery was all that? Why would he ever kick you out? Reiner thought. He was clueless. Why were you so adamant that he would leave you eventually? Reiner could feel his annoyance grew while reminiscing your antics. He began to think, maybe he had never understood you to begin with.

But Reiner was wrong, because he was right about a lot of things about you. You were exactly in your bestfriend's house, curled up in her bed, ranting how hard it was being with Reiner. Although the tears had dried since hours ago. You were in your PJs and drinking the hot coco your friend had made you, comfortable in the bliss of obliviousness upon the fact that your boyfriend of one year was now driving aimlessly trying to locate your position. You were adamant that he was going to leave you anyway, you thought he wouldn't exert an ounce of energy trying to plea you home.

It was 4 AM in the morning and you hadn't come home. The trace of you had gone completely from Reiner's apartment since early morning. Reiner knew that this was bound to happen, had he done anything differently - would you stay? He thought of you and the state that the two of you had been tangled in. All the unresolved tension, or the persistent insinuations coming from you that you always shrugged off in the end, saying "Nothing." as if it did not matter, each time Reiner shot them with, "What did you say?"

You sipped your hot coco and let a troubled whimper as you told your bestfriend what was happening. It's the culmination of small things, your feeling of inadequacy and the anxiety of waking up every morning, being convinced that each day would be the day that Reiner finally leaves you. Every day you’d be mentally preparing yourself for the ultimate fate until Reiner returns home with his big, warm hug until your anxiety caves in. And that the anxiety would appear again in the next morning.

The idea of him leaving became incessant and you could never bug it off. You wondered why, maybe because you believed that you were inherently flawed. Maybe it's the way Reiner made that small "Tsk," when he came home to see the garbage piled up, "Babe, didn't I tell you to put out the garbage?"; or the deep, annoyed and condescending sighs he made when he missed his favorite show because you forgot to pay the cable bills while he was out at the office.

Maybe it's the way you couldn't match his sharp memory and reliability with you constantly forgetting things and your seeming inattentiveness despite the abundant reminders, notes and alarms you've made to keep yourself alerted. At times, your mind just wandered, and you needed him to rope you back in, but he never got the gist.

So, you were adamant that you had grown to be nothing but inconvenience for him, hence when he spent the night over at his office due to what he called "Shit load of work" over the phone, you were certain he wouldn't come back at all. You knew that the pain of being abandoned would haunt you to myriad of miseries, so you'd rather leave first. You knew it would be the end you both needed, because you knew Reiner did not care about you enough to tolerate your shit any longer. He was always quiet, there was hardly ever any expression on his face, God knows what he was thinking underneath. Each of your "Reiner, I'm sorry." would only be met by a singular hum or a quick, "It's okay." that left you wondering, did he ever mean it at all?

So that morning you left. While he was still at the office, because you knew there was no feelings strong enough for Reiner to keep him from leaving you eventually. You left first.

Your bestfriend nodded in reassurance, "You gotta do what you gotta do." she said pulling you into a warmly hug, but your attention was suddenly caught by the pile of plastics and packages from your take-outs at the corner of your friend's room. It just bothered your mind, and you got up to take it out. A small token of atonement to what you wish you had done to Reiner.

Your bestfriend immediately scrambled and took the garbage away from you. Insisting for you to stay in bed and let her take care of it. You nodded and retreated to the pillow fortress. You felt bad for her because the temperature was dropping, and there was no necessity to take the garbage out right now, but your impulse was often hard to subside, and your friend had grown to acknowledge and take sympathy over that. Unlike Reiner, you thought.

Maybe it's because Reiner never shown anyone openly about what he felt, but what you did not know, sometimes he wish he had. Sometimes he wished he'd opened up about how hard it is for him to breathe when unfortunate things occur that he did not have the answer to. Sometime he wished he could share his fear, worry, anger and disappointment, but he was always thought that a man got to suck it up, and perseverance was the only way he knew how to survive.

Sometimes he wished he had told somebody that the constant worrying about his loved ones consumed him too, to the point it became hard for him to let his guard down even when things are okay. He was always on alert, and sometimes it got exhausting too for him. He wished he had told all that, so in times like these he did not have to assume the heartbreak alone while trying to find the solution to it. Sometimes he wished people knew that he cared too, he loved too, he knew too when someone he loved was struggling, but he never learned how to show it. Reiner knew your mind often raced hundreds of miles per hour, Reiner knew your state of agitation, but he never had anyone to teach him how affection should look like, other than be of service, which he tried his best at being. It was no wonder that Reiner was left clueless when you chose to leave without warning.

He was pissed because he knew how daft he was, yet none of it was ever intentional. He cursed himself for not knowing what went wrong, for not being more observant, for not being open with his feelings, for not telling you how much he had grown to love you and how much his apartment immediately grew cold at your absence. But mostly, at this moment, he cursed himself because he wasn't attentive enough to know you friend's house number.

The air was crisp when your bestfriend stepped out of her porch. She made quick steps to the garbage can when she saw bright headlights coming in from the end of the street. She grunted, wondering what was her neighbor doing, cruising around with dramatically low speed. It seemed odd.

She put her fingers above her eyes, trying to recognize the plate number or the driver, but the black SUV lights were dispersing her sight.

She closed the garbage can and tried to immediately return inside but the car cruised closer and pulled over in front of her. The window rolled open.

"Hey," There was an immediate look of surprise from the person that Reiner barely recognized. But he was sure enough that it was her, judging from her body language; all tensed and alerted, "This is Reiner."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence between Reiner and your bestfriend. She was considering carefully on what to say next.

"Uhm yeah, I know." Your bestfriend finally spoke, her voice creaked, caught by surprise. "What do you want?"

Reiner spoke your name, "I want to meet my girlfriend." Reiner could hear the desperation in his own voice, but your friend jeered in response.

"My girlfriend." she passingly mocked the way Reiner spoke, she came to dislike what she thought was possessiveness in Reiner's nature of speaking, "She's not available. I suggest you to scram. Before my neighbors complain."

Reiner furrowed his brows in dismay, couldn't seem to understand the hostility presented by your friend, "I need to talk to her."

She stood unyielding. Reiner opened the door and climbed off of the car, sighing as he walked closer, propelling your friend to keep her distance away even further. "Please, let me talk to her."

"Not a chance." She turned around and scurried back into the house. Reiner was quick to yell, to her expected dismissal. Without thinking further, Reiner got back to behind the wheel and moved his car forward on to the curb, proceeding to close off the exit way for her small city car in the driveway.

Reiner jumped off the car as your besfriend realized what he had done, "I'm not moving the car until she comes down."

She let out a restraint shrieked, "What the fuck?! I got a dentist appointment tomorrow morning!"

"Then please, tell her to come down and talk to me," Reiner said, sounding almost apologetic. He threw a glance at a lonely swing set in the small park across the street, "there."

The occurrence happening before your eyes was unexpected to say the least. You closed the small slit from your bestfriend's window fold, trying to manage your heartbeat that had become almost deafening. At the same time your bestfriend appeared from the door, face red with flustered, "I think he really wants to see you."

Thousands of thoughts made a commotion in your head. It did not make any sense. You made it easier for Reiner by walking away with clean slate, you were sure this was what he had hoped secretly.

Your friend shuffled inside and shot you a deep stare, she sighed heavily and told you that whether you liked it or not, you had to face him. Reiner looked genuinely worried, she said, twisting your guts even further.

You sat in her bed for a moment, trying to relive every waking moment with Reiner. Sure there were moments when your own thoughts chased you into a deep corner and you wished Reiner had seen it. Sometimes you wished he’d hold you tight, kiss you with reassurance and told you how meaningful you were to him. Sure, sometimes being with Reiner could feel lonely, but he had never treated you back nor was he ever intentionally mean to you. What do I want? The question hung heavy in your mind.

I want him to say that he wants me, the voice within the nook of your brain said, I want him to say that he loves me.

You nodded, finally ceasing from running away further.

             Reiner never thought that at his 20-something he would sit miserably on a random swing-set at a random neighborhood just an hour before the dusk cracked. Reiner was a big man, but even with his figure and the aid of his tailored suit and shirt, wrinkled after gruesome hours at work trying to keep his company afloat on the thin ice of his personal relationship with you – Reiner was tired, and miserable, and desperate. Even more, he was cold as the temperature continued to drop down.

He hung his head low, trying to fight the shivers. It was quiet, too quiet, only the faint sound of the wind and the creaking sound of the swing-set holding off to its dear life under Reiner’s massive weight. The man sighed, never he thought that the sight of you coming out of someone’s house in the dead of a  night would be a spectacle he looked forward to the most.

He closed his eyes, shutting himself off from any sound and thought. Thinking that maybe in the bleakness of his sense, the time would pass faster and your heart would soften.

In the nothingness Reiner could feel a sudden warmth crept from the tips of his fingers, he opened his eyes to see you standing before his eyes, towering him who was sitting like a pathetic boy on the swing. You were wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, hiding your PJs underneath. In your hands were two cups of scalding tea, you shoved one into his hand, “You came.” You stated.

Reiner let out a deep sigh of relief as he saw you safe and sound. He felt warmth travelled across his body, he did not know whether it was the tea in his hand or simply the sight of you that made him felt so. His eyes latched on to you as you sat on the swing next to him, “Hey. What are you doing?” Reiner asked.

“Running away.”

“Why?”

Reiner looked at you intently, and the guilt started to consume you. You gazed afar, softly shook your head, “Dunno.”

“I see.”

Yet another silence ensued.

“How’s work?”

Reiner sighed again; the heavy breath seemed to be the only way the two of you communicated. Just two troubled minds pouring their burden at each other, “Bertholdt abruptly resigned—fuck, it’s been a nightmare, but—” Reiner pressured his thumb over his brows, trying to ease his sharp migraine that suddenly came, “—that doesn’t matter now. Will you come home?”

He looked at you again, you were still gazing to god-knows-what, everything other than his eyes. Reiner grew antsy on his seat, the swing creaked again. Please look at me. Please look at me. The words resonated incessantly in Reiner’s head but nothing came out of his mouth. Just a stoic, to-the-point question.

Don’t you wanna know the problem, Reiner? Is that all? I said I don’t know and you didn’t even try to dig in deeper? You came all the way here and you just straight up asking me to go home with you? Your mind was nowhere better. It’s in uproar but there was only silence coming out of your mouth. But he came, he didn’t leave. Contradiction danced inside your mind like an unwanted guest.

The silence grew heavier. You saw the lights from your bestfriend’s bedroom lit off, she had got to be tired eventually. Suddenly, you felt so alone. Just the two of you in this odd morning.

“It’s hard, right?” Reiner broke the silence, he looked at you again, this time he was desperate for you to look into his eyes. Little did he know, you were refusing to do so because you could feel your fragility forming in your eyes. You swore not to cry.

“What?” Just a depthless answer you uttered.

“Growing up.” Reiner muttered. The man sounded almost contemplative in his defeat. He sighed again and shook his head, “I thought I’d be someone better by this time in my life.”

The answer surprised you. You thought he would say something like ‘Relationship is hard’ or some jargons he picked up from one of the movies he watched without you. You felt bad for undermining him just because you were upset with him. Does it really mirror your true perception of him? Maybe you really hadn’t known him that well.

You had no resolve to his statement, so you just nodded, allowing him to pour out his thoughts.

“I thought I’d be better with my job, with myself, and most importantly,” he shifted to lurch towards you on his seat, the wire strings of the swing twisted to your direction, “with the people I love. But obviously, I still… suck.”

“And here I am. 4 AM. A fucking adult on a fucking neighborhood swing-set.”

You could feel the air suctioned out of your lungs, as you felt guilt loomed bigger inside you. He came and he felt bad – what more could I ask for? But then you remembered the nights of loneliness despite having Reiner sleeping next to you. You had a bad day, but you were too prideful to come clean. You wanted him to be intuitive, but he never did. Being with Reiner, you had mastered the art of crying in silence while sharing the bed with him. It’s exhausting. Yeah, Rei, maybe you’re bad at this.

Despite that, you stayed silent.

“Will you hate me if I say I don’t know what’s wrong?” Reiner knew how daft he sounded, “God. I’m pushing my luck coming clean at you.”

You were at loss for words. You had so many things to say, but too few of a courage.

Reiner called your name. He reached over and tried to tangle one of your fingers with his. From your periphery sight, you could see him forcing a smile, “I—”

He sighed again. Reiner’s chest was filled with words and all he wanted was to vomit it out, but he never knew how to properly addressed the feelings he had—he couldn’t even describe what he felt. All he knew was one thing: he wanted you home, back in his arms, “I am a stupid man. I really don’t know what’s happening between us. You.. just.. gone. Please, just tell me what’s wrong. I’m not smart enough for all these..”

There was almost a childish plea in Reiner’s words, and you couldn’t help but to threw a faint smile. You chuckled, “What did you say? You’re—what?”

He scoffed at himself, “I am stupid.”

You finally caved in because you realized there was an undeniable genuineness in the way he spoke. And the sentiment was mutual, you felt stupid as well for you had not realized how completely, utterly, truly clueless Reiner was.

Eventually, you looked at him. His hardened face quickly turned wary to finally see how puffy your eyes were from crying earlier, you forced a smile, but it was clear you were pretending, “You make me feel so lonely sometimes.”

The words came out of your mouth like a canonball that had been stuck in your chest for too long. You felt relief, but on the other side, Reiner could feel his heart broke. A pain from a man realizing too late of the damage he had caused.

You thought of everything that had made you feel so. The way Reiner rolled over in bed away from you, drowsy and unaware, when you called him in the dead night as your anxiety kicked in; when his hand let you go as you tried to hold his hands in public; the complete non-existing mention of you in his social media; the take-outs that he mindlessly brought home when you had cooked dinner; his easiness in dropping a problem after he said sorry without checking up with you further.

It was the absent of his intuition that made you felt invisible – but you realized too late that maybe he was truly oblivious, evident as he said, “But how?”

“You really don’t know?”

“Babe,” he further tangled your fingers into his grasp. Your hand and his, they hung in the middle of the two swing seats, “I swear on my mother’s grave.”

“I’ve always thought you wanted to leave me but never got the right moment to it. The affection—I hardly ever got it from you. Not the affirming words, not the reassurance. Hell, maybe I want that public kiss and hugs that you thought was stupid, Rei. Just—”

You could feel the tears forming, choking you mercilessly, “—just to feel loved. To feel wanted. For once.”

You finally let your tears dropped. And Reiner was slapped with realities that both of you were in. He let go of your hand and stared down at the pavement, “I’m sorry. I never knew.”

“You never asked.”

“But I never knew. How am I supposed to know that I should ask when I didn’t know I should ask on the first place? I’ve always thought you wanted to be left alone when all your crazy thoughts come in—but you—”

“—you—"

Reiner groaned, obviously frustrated. He rested the blabber, “Maybe we’re just not good at this.”

Like a train, you could feel the ending coming to hit you. This is it. This is it. You thought to yourself, picturing how Reiner would finally leave you. You secretly wished Reiner wouldn’t give in, you wish he’d put up more fight, so at least you’d know that you carried a weight in his heart. But you knew this was bound to happen, so why were you so upset?

“Maybe.” You wiped your tears dry, “That’s okay, Reiner. I know that’s what I am.”

“What?”

“I’m just an embarkation point, right? Everyone will leave me eventually. That’s why I left, because I know eventually, we’ll be talking about this. So I’d better leave first.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Reiner grew even more frustrated with the way you danced around your words.

“It’s okay if you want to leave me. That’s what all people do to me.”

“You left because you think I was planning to leave you all along?” Reiner asked, sounding painfully offended as he finally got to gather what you were insinuating, “So that is the problem?”

“Yeah, so I better leave first, right? Before I get hurt again? Before you leave me like other people and—”

“Fuck other people!” Reiner raised his voice, which he immediately regretted. He ran his fingers over his hair irritated, turning it into a complete blond mess, “Are you trying to avenge your revenge for other people—those exes you’ve had—on me?”

Tears welled up again in your eyes, as you looked away from him. But he called on your name again, this time there was a deep sternness in his call that you couldn’t help but to face him. Reiner was glad that you finally gained courage to speak the truth, when he had not, “So you want reassurance, yeah? How about the times I told you how beautiful, how smart, how great you are – only for you to tell yourself the opposite immediately.”

Reiner looked directly into your eyes, “I can’t make you something you’re not. What you are is who you think you are.”

“You can never matter – if you don’t think you do.”

An expressionless, soundless tear fell onto your cheek. A heart broke to your dismay. Reiner finally said the truth and there was no way you could delude yourself into thinking that he was wrong, “Then… why don’t you just leave me, Rei? Why don’t you get rid of me a long time ago?”

“Because I’m giving you something that I never received in my entire life, ever. I’m staying for you.” There was a palpable pain in the way Reiner spoke. He landed his finger on to your heart and you could feel it pierced through your skin with heavy realization, “I’m staying. Like no one ever did in my life. Not my ex-girlfriends, not my friends, and certainly not my father. That’s what makes us different. I have more faith in you than you have in me.”

Reiner was a man with heavy heart. He had been through a lot of things in his life, learned how to fend on for himself since very young, and dreamed of the day when he could finally put his hair down with someone he cared for. And what you hadn’t realize, was how essentially similar you were to him. How both of you longed for someone to let go of your inhibitions and fear? Just two broken people finding refuge in each other’s longing for the same thing. And that’s what you failed to see. He understood you, just in a way you didn’t understand.

And that’s the thing about pain, they are inherently personal. No matter how much you have shared yourself to others.

The two of you went dead silent for a moment. In the horizon, the sun rays were starting to emerge, the morning had arrived.  Your tears cascaded painfully slow; Reiner was looking at his feet trying to sip his tea that had gone cold. His hands were trembling with both sadness and anger that were beginning to secede.

Reiner finally called your name, this time it was delicate, “I’m sorry, alright?”

You looked at him with tears in your eyes as you nodded, “Alright.”

“Will you come home, now?”

“Yes,” you muttered, “I think I will.”

The two of you got up and Reiner immediately drew you into his chest, holding you the tightest you had ever been held, reconnecting all the broken pieces scattered inside you. You buried your face into his strong chest as you sobbed once more, while he kissed the top of your head with affection more vivid than thousands of words of affirmations.

“What do we do with these hearts, Rei?” You asked as you felt your chest throbbing with pain and love.

The man loosened his embrace and smiled, “Persevere.”

A/N:

First of all thank you so much to @okubean for giving me a hellish prompt! This one really made me faced my own abandonment issue and poured it into a writing. I tried to touch about the absent-mindedness as the implication of ADHD but I’m really worried that it doesn’t really do it justice. So hereby my sincere apologies! 😭🙏

Nonetheless, I really hope that you may enjoy this piece and I’m so sorry if it comes off as boring!

I literally drafted this on the metro, and got really carried away with it!

Did I enjoy it? (Yes)

Did this turn out longer than I expected? (Yes)

Am I worried this will bore people? (Yes)

[henryobsessed]

The Veterinarian and the Werewolf - Chapter 1

Summary: Jessie has completed Veterinarian school, after the death of her aunt has moved back to her home town.

word Count: 2013

A/N hello How are you all doing? we are in lockdown again here in Victoria Australia, I hope that means more time to write :)

Prologue

Chapter 1

Jessie sank into her plush foe leather couch; it had been a month since she had returned to her hometown and surprisingly her business was thriving. Even though she had yet to treat any wildlife she had a steady stream of cats, dogs, birds, ferrets, and other assortments of domestic animals heading through her doors. A big surprise to her was the number of cattle ranchers who on her arrival had asked her to make house calls to assess their cattle. Normally they paid for someone to come out to their co-op from the neighbouring bigger city. Now she was here if she could gain their trust, she would be set.

She looked around at her aunt’s old house, so many beautiful memories, Bet had been her best friend apart from the animals and had encouraged her to follow her dreams, she had even pitched in to her college fund when her parents’ life insurances had not been quite enough. She pictured her aunt standing at the stove, cooking her pancakes, grey hair piled atop her head, apron wrapped around her tall slender body, excited to cook for “The Vet” as she had lovingly called her even before she started her degree.

The last time they had spent time together she had sat on the couch, pancakes in hand. Her honey brown eyes pinning Jessie to her seat as her age roughened voice pleaded, “You can’t keep shutting people out Jessie, you have to open yourself to the possibility that you might find love, or even a good friend. You’re an adult now, and I won’t be around forever.” Her eyes misting as she whispered, “I worry about you honey, I don’t want you living your life alone like I did.”

Jessie had hugged her aunt pulling her in tight as she felt her sweet Bet’s distress. She had never asked why she was on her own, caught up in her own dramas. She had loved that it was just the two of them. But now she wondered if she had been too selfish. Once she was at college, her aunt was alone again. As if validating her aunt’s concern’s, she had received a call, a week after returning back to her last month of college. Her Aunt had suffered a major heart attack at work. Even though she was in the hospital when it had occurred, they were unable to save her. It had been a hard few months no one had come by the house for the funeral, it had just been the two of them. The local lawyer had encouraged her to sell up and move to a more populated area saying they had no need for a vet, and she had considered it. But a part of her still felt connected to the land, connected to those buried deep within the woods around their house.

He phone buzzed bringing her out of her musings, shaking the tired fog from her head she peeked at the antique gold clock above the mantel 11pm, Picking up the phone she heard a timid voice answer “Is this the vet, the one that came to our ranch last week?” mind pulled into action she answered “ yes this is the Vet what can I do for you?” a shaky breath let out as the young man responded, “I’m sorry for calling so late, My name is Thomas, my dad owns Ride em ranch. I was out checking traps around the property line, I hate them so much but dad insists we have them, a wolf has been caught. If I don’t get him out of here soon my Dad or one of the hands will come and kill him. Please what do I do?” sitting up Jessie talked in a calm voice to the boy, “First thing how is the wolf behaving?” getting up Jessie pulled her coat on whilst heading for the car, “He’s growling and whimpering at the same time ma’am, I think he would bite me if I got to close, but I can see he is in a lot of pain.” Opening the door to her pickup she jumped in glad her veterinarian bag was already in the back. “Ok Thomas tell me where you are, I am on my way”

Jessie was focused looking for the a boy in a red checked shirt and dark blue jeans, a part of her was excited, she was finally able to help a wolf, but another part of her was worried she was too late. There waving his arms illuminated by the high beams of her truck she saw Thomas, he had blond hair, brown eyes, and stood around 6 ft 3 although he had not filled out yes so even with his height looked like a young man.

Pulling up she could see his obvious fretting as he didn’t stop to talk but rather, as soon as she had her bag, started moving back into the forest. The boy was so intent on getting her there he didn’t say a word, however the closer they got the more evident it was the animal was in great distress. Long lone howls could be heard along with whimpers, when Thomas broke into the area where the wolf was his whimpers changed to savage snapping of his teeth and loud growls interrupted by his whines. The was until Jessie stepped into the opening, She could have sworn the wolf looked right at her with shock before it laid its head down and quietened. Jessie was amazed, its behaviour was one of submission and in its current state was highly unusual. She walked closer, slowly talking to the animal, “Hey boy, your ok, I’m here to help ok. Will you let me help you?”

She knelt just outside of the range where the wolf could reach her and reached into the bag, the majestic creature watched her closely but gone was the snarls and defensive growling. All that was left was his pain filled whimper, quickly assessing his weight she pulled a small tranquilizer gun out along with some prefilled darts. On seeing the gun he let out a long mournful howl that tore at her heart, “I’m sorry, but this will make you feel better I promise.” Taking aim she shot into his flank. He let out a soft yelp, they kept eye contact as he slowly lowered his eye lids.

Ok Thomas we need to move fast, I had to guess his weight and even though I am sure I’ve have put him out for the night I can’t guarantee that.” Together they moved to the brown black creature, jessie made note as they together removed the trap from its leg that the creature had seen better days. His hair was matted in places and there were other areas where the fur was missing showing signs of fights that it had been in. Carefully after assessing the rest of its body, Thomas and Jessie lifted the creature which from tail to muzzle would have been 6 ft 5 however it showed malnutrition and was much lighter that she would have expected for a creature of its size and age. In fact had Thomas not been there to help she would have been able to lift the wolf herself which said a lot for its condition. Sadness filled her as they carefully placed it in the back of the truck. Once he was securely placed in the back she turned to the young man “Thank you Thomas, I appreciate your help and your kindness” Thomas looked down at his feet for a moment before signing, “Please don’t tell my pa, he would think I was a pansy for doing this. What he fails to understand is we need to work with the wolves without them….. well we need them. Thank you for coming, I hope he survives.”

Jessie watched the tall young man in her rear vision as she dove away, there was something special about him.

On reaching her clinic she bought out a trolley and carefully picked up the wolf playing him down and wheeled him into the treatment rooms. Her first priority was x-ray the leg and make sure it wasn’t broken, as she moved around the room her other patients called out to her. A small Tibetan spaniel who was in for cherry eye surgery whimpered at her before settling down in it’s cage, along with a tabby who was recovering from a broken leg, who at all the noise hissed at her. “ohh come now calm down, we have to help this poor creature ok. I expect you both to keep him company as he recovers.” She quickly took the x-rays dismayed to see that the trap had indeed crushed his ulna and radius on the right leg. The night was long as she reset the leg and applied a cast. The sun was coming up, and her young assistant joe was walking in the front door as she finished setting the wolf up in a special cage.

Joe taken aback walked around to peer into the cage, “OMG Jessie, where did you find this boy? He is gorgeous and yet has seen better days.” Exhausted she just stood wiping her hands on her apron and started cleaning, “you look like you need a break Jessie, why don’t you go home, I’ll reschedule your non important appointments and push the urgent ones back to this afternoon so you can get some sleep.” Grateful she nodded her thanks and left the Joe to care for the grumpy cat, and Tibbey.

Jessie’s dreams were plagued with images of the wolf, his eyes that held so much pain caused her heart to constrict. The resemblance to the those she had buried so many years ago could not have been a coincidence. As she tossed and turned the images grew bolder, the wolfs from long ago circled her, she felt no fear only curiousness as they sniffed at her before one by one they laid at her feet. She knelt and stroked each one, reassuring them that she would take care of him. A loud sound broke into the now peaceful dream, her mind now fussy she picked up the phone, “Jessie” the frantic voice of her assistant invaded her calm “Jessie you have to get down here, the wolf woke up and is tearing at the cage. I can’t even get close enough to change the fluid bag. I’m scared he is going to break out.” Jumping out of bed she ran to grab her bag, not even worried that she was still in her pajamas she ran to her truck. The clinic was only 5 mins by car, but she was the only one authorised to use the tranqu gun.

Running into the clinic she could hear the panicked snarls and snaps of the wolf, the sound of the metal clanging and it tried to escape. Gun in hand she ran into the room, as Joe opened the door and her eyes met that of the wolf the strangest thing happened. Just as it had in the forest, the wolf calmed, whined and laid its head down. “well I never!!” Joe breathed in exasperation, “Teach me Obi wan, Tell me your secrets” if she hadn’t been so socked herself she would have laughed at Joe’s comment. However this was not normal wolf behaviour. Taking a risk she moved forward and sat before the creature, an odd feeling settling in her stomach as joe handed her the new bag. Talking in a calm voice she addressed the canine, “This will help you feel better ok” his eyes locked with hers as he whimpered. Risking everything she hooked up the new bag then opened the cage, going against her training she reached in and caressed him. She felt his body relax the more she stroked his neck and flank until he was once again asleep. Replacing the latch on the door she looked back a Joe both confused and amazed.

Chapter 2

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