#and now having a new perspective and realizing i was never doing anything wrong in that regard. even tho i was made to feel that i was

[badcountryofficial]

I love this era I'm in. I love love love the way I am seeing the world and myself in relation to it

[veethefreeelf]

Love is a strong word - Y.JH

This is part 2 to ‘Hate is a strong word’ I’M SORRY it took a while but real life got in the way also my eye is being extra annoying! I hope you guys love this as much as I do (づ๑•ᴗ•๑)づ♡

Summary: 

It’s been a year since you moved away to a new branch. If you’re being honest, things haven’t been great. Being away from all you know and all you wanted has made you realize a lot of things and made you wish you had done things differently. Maybe moving back would be better for you. 

Wordcount: 15k

Warnings: lots of conflict and resolutions, super emotional, angsty as fuck, protected v. penetration, fingering, lots of praising and fluff, nothing major, smut is pretty tame and loving, biting because yes

Requested: yes, by popular demand 

P.S - Italic is for thoughts mainly from the characters’ perspective and quotes. Bold is for text messages/calls/voice messages between characters

It’s been a year since you moved to this new city and another branch at your company. It isn’t exactly going like you thought it would. You thought you would make friends easily. You thought your career would have progressed. You thought you wouldn’t think that much about Jeonghan. You were wrong on all counts.

Your career was still at the same stage it was when you moved. No exciting opportunities had opened. You had met some really nice people and your new team was great but you missed your team, you missed your best friends. You even missed Clara’s perverted comments on a daily basis. You missed the team meetings. You missed Jeonghan. You missed him a lot. 

One thing moving to a smaller town and being new will do to you is give you time to think about the past. You had thought a lot about Jeonghan. What your feelings for him were. Why you were trying to keep him away. Why you told yourself you were fine with him being on a date with Hana while fucking you. Being away from all of them gave you a lot of clarity on a lot of things from your past. It also allowed you to feel things without fear and embrace everything you were too scared to do before.

Too bad it was too late. 

You don’t know what happened with Jeonghan and Hana but you imagine them being happy together. And it devastated you. You should’ve said something. You shouldn’t have ran. You were a coward and it made you lose one of the best things in your life all because of pride.

No one from your previous team ever found out about you and Jeonghan. And every time you visited them or they visited you, the subject was never brought up. And, if you were being honest with yourself, you didn’t want to know. ‘Ignorance is bliss’ you tell yourself. At least this way you can pretend he doesn’t hate you now and that he is single and waiting for you. Your therapist disagrees and hopes you will face all your fears the next time you see him.

That’s another thing you did when you moved here. You got help. You got a therapist and it has helped you a lot. If anything, at least this year has made you grow as a person and made you realize how you should’ve handled most things in your life in the past. She has also helped you figure out ways for you to deal with your current feelings and given you tools to keep improving yourself to make sure you make the right decisions for yourself in the future.

It was okay living here though. The apartment wasn’t the best. You missed your baby terribly but you managed. You were adjusting fairly well. Initially, you had cried every day. It was very difficult to not see your people and not sleep in your bed. Now you were better. You were dealing with the consequences of your decision in a better way. You tried visiting your friends more and tried getting to know your new team more as well. You couldn’t deny that you did want to go back. To the branch, to your team, to your apartment, to… Everything that you left behind. But you didn’t think that opportunity would happen any time soon.

Work was always uneventful. All teams got along great and it was easy making decisions together. Also being a smaller branch, you didn’t get as many big accounts, so sometimes it was just a bit too slow for you and what you were accustomed to.

Today you had to finish the monthly report to your manager but not much else was going on so you let your team go home early for the day. You were having a hard time focusing on your work. Something that seems to have started when you moved here. You didn’t use to have this issue before. You were in the middle of your thoughts when your phone rang and snapped you out of it. You looked at it and smiled before answering.

“Hoshi, my beloved… Why are you calling me during work hours?”

“Seriously, this is your fault. Why would you leave us? This new manager is driving us insane” Hoshi told you in a whispered tone.

“Come on… He can’t be that bad. I heard really good things about him from when he was a team member here”

“I don’t know what kind of lies they told you but he is insane. His demands are outrageous. Remember how Jeonghan used to annoy us because he just wanted to? Well, this new guy has made Jeonghan annoy us even more and now Jeonghan is actually right! Can’t you understand how wrong this is?” Hoshi asked you.

“Here I thought I was special and Jeonghan only annoyed me. I guess we were all played, huh?” you asked Hoshi playfully.

“This isn’t funny, Y/N. Jeonghan has to be an asshole now because someone has to stop this guy. He is not ready to be a manager. You need to help us, say something to someone about him, please. I am begging you. We are begging you. And you owe us from leaving us with this lunatic” Hoshi answered in a very serious tone.

“Look, I can try and find out more about him and talk to my manager to see if anything can be done. But you know I don’t have that kind of power. You need to go to HR. Talk to Cass, she is usually the best person to reach for these things and she happens to be super close with Sunny. I will do the best I can on my side but I can’t guarantee anything” you told him sincerely. 

What you didn’t tell him was that you wished you could switch with their manager and get back to your team. You hadn’t told them yet that you wanted to be back. It’s not a possibility and it would only make everyone sadder. You were done being selfish.

“I know. I know, Y/N. It’s just… Why can’t you come back? This guy is clearly not a good fit for our branch and for our team” Hoshi told you in a sad tone.

“It’s not my choice anymore. There’s no openings at all Hoshi. And I made a commitment to this branch when I moved here. I can’t just up and leave” 

“You say that but we both know your worth and how much this company needs you. They would do anything you wanted to keep you. You could request to come back specially with all of us not getting along well with the new team lead. And it’s nothing personal. He just isn’t good at being a manager and he isn’t ready for it at this branch yet” Hoshi continued sincerely.

“I will speak to my manager about him, okay? But that’s all I can do for right now. You should reach out to Cass in HR on your side. The whole team should actually. And any other team that is also being affected by this should speak up as well” you added sternly.

“Okay, Y/N. Thank you. I have to go before he loses his shit. I hope you’re well and please, visit us soon” he said and you both hung up.

In a way Hoshi was right. You could request this change to the company. And it would make sense. Their new manager came from this branch where things are much slower and much easier. He was not ready for the big leagues as a manager at least. It would be easy to convince your manager. 

For now, you would do the right thing and put your personal feelings aside. You would talk to your manager just like you promised Hoshi and it would be up to them on how to proceed from here.

There was a knock on your door and one of your team members - Chris - walked in.

“I thought I told you to go home for the day. Nothing to do around here for now” you told him and smiled.

“Well, you know me. I can’t leave with the boss still around. Hardly seems fair. Also I like to work for my money, thank you very much” he added as he started to move to sit on the chair across from you.

“Never met anyone that wouldn’t rush out of the office if told by their bosses before. Also please don’t call me boss. I told you so many times Chris” you said. Chris smiled.

Chris was a lovely guy. He was your right hand at this branch. He introduced you to everyone and made it easier for you to adjust to the change. He is also one of your best team members. Very hard working and constantly looking to improve and progress his career as well. He reminds you of a younger you.

The only problem with Chris is that he seems very interested in you. He has reached out to you about his feelings several times and wants you to give him a chance. This is one of the reasons you mostly haven’t gotten to know your team in the same way you tried with your previous team.

He was gorgeous. Tall. Muscular. Beautiful Australian accent. You were simply not interested. You had someone else in your mind and in your heart and even though you weren’t strong enough and brave enough to do anything about it, you knew you could never start something new with someone else without resolving the past.

Chris knew it too. Well not the whole ‘having feelings for someone else’ part but that you weren’t interested. And he had been very understanding. He hadn’t pushed at all. Simply told you if anything changed, he would always be open to explore your relationship further. It was sweet. He was one of the few things that kept you sane over here and you didn’t want to lose him.

“Are you going to be done soon? I was thinking maybe we can leave together?” Chris asked you.

“Sorry, no. I’ve been procrastinating for the last 20 minutes and now I’m late in delivering this. You go ahead and leave. I’m also going to try and catch the actual boss before leaving” you told him and he got up to leave.

“Alright, Y/N. See you tomorrow, have a great night” he told you before leaving.

Thankfully, your manager was still here as well and you were able to talk to him about the new team lead that Hoshi told you about. Seungkwan was his name. He was a very passionate team lead over here and yes, demanding but no one had ever had any complaints since he had been promoted. You explained to your boss the pace of the two branches are very different and so are the team members and the demands. You recommended someone check on the teams of the other branch and with Seungkwan himself to understand how everyone is adjusting and if any changes are necessary and your boss agreed. 

You’ve done your part. You have warned the right people and now it’s up to them to assess and make decisions. 

You got home and called Hoshi to tell him and he was relieved. He also reached out to Cass and everyone else on his team did the same. Apparently, tomorrow the advertising team and some IT members are also going to Cass about Seungkwan. Wow. He really hasn’t made any friends. Poor guy. This branch was very happy with him when he was here. Maybe he just isn’t ready for the amount of work and stress the other branch entails. 

During that phone call with Hoshi, he asked you to come visit the following weekend and you agreed. You needed to see all of them. You told him to please arrange for all the team members to be available to hang out and drink and eat and gossip and he was more than happy to start sending voice messages screaming in the group chat you all have together. It made you smile so hard that they were still the same crazy bunch and they still cared so much about you even after you left.

Since you have a big drive to do whenever you visit, you made a request to your boss to book next Thursday and Friday off so you could really enjoy a proper weekend with them and with your apartment. He approved and you were all set for next week. You were so excited too. You couldn’t hide it.

“I wonder if Y/N will ever get this excited to see us in the future” Hyunjin, another one of your team members spoke and it broke you out of your daydream and silly smile.

“Definitely not. We’re the rebound” Felix - your sweetest team member - chimed in.

“Hey! That’s unfair. I’ve never treated any of you like a rebound. How dare you?” you asked Felix and pouted.

Everyone laughed and your team meeting proceeded again without any incidents. Like you said, your team was great and if you hadn’t had the perfect team members before, maybe you could appreciate them more but you truly missed your people. You were so ready to come and see them. 

The week went by fast and at last Wednesday arrived and you couldn't wait for the day to end for you to go home and get ready to leave. Before your day was done, your boss called you into his office to discuss something that apparently couldn’t wait until you got back.

“I know you have to leave and I’m sorry to call you in right now but it’s precisely because you are going to visit them over there that I wanted to get this out of the way before you left” he told you once you sat down in front of him.

“I’m not getting fired, am I? That would lead to a depressing weekend” you said jokingly and you both laughed.

“Not at all. This company will do the best they can to keep you around in any branch and you know that as well. You’re far too valuable. This is about the team lead situation you brought to light to me last week, actually” he told you and you sat there silently waiting for him to continue.

“After we talked about it, I brought it up to the head of HR and they actually talked to everyone at that branch including Seungkwan and his manager to understand what could be happening. It was determined that Seungkwan is not ready for a managerial position at that branch just yet. However, he still wanted to stay on as a team member for the marketing team and learn from the new team lead that joins their team instead of coming back to this branch” he added and you nodded.

“Now, as much as the possibility of losing you pains me personally, it’s up to me to let you know that the company is actually giving you the choice. Since you were the one that started bringing this to everyone’s attention and you were extremely successful in leading the team in the other branch before, they wanted to give you the opportunity to return to the branch as team lead if you wanted to”

“Return?” you asked confused.

Your manager laughed.

“Yes. You have one of two options. Return there as team lead and continue on where you left off with the team and to your success or stay here with us” he said and you looked down.

“Look, I know this branch isn’t working exactly as you thought it would for you. I’m not blind to that. Not only that but the opportunities that you were told you were getting here haven’t happened and won’t anytime soon. So even though I don’t want to lose you, I really want you to think it over” 

“Does anyone else know about this? Team members, branches?” you asked him.

“No. The managers know but no one else. They will only be told after a decision is made. If you choose to stay with us, they will hire an outsider for the team lead position at the other branch. If you choose to return to your branch, we will most likely promote Chris as the team lead here” he answered you.

“Chris would be great as a team lead for this team. They all trust him and he has seen me do a lot of the team lead tasks so he’ll learn quickly” you told your manager.

“Does this mean you’re choosing to return to them then?” he asked you and you paused.

“No… I don’t know yet. Can I think this over the weekend? I’m assuming you also told me this today to have me think it over while I’m there” you said and laughed lightly.

“Of course and yes, that’s exactly why I told you. Monday we can discuss this more but go have fun and rest” he told you. You said your goodbyes for the weekend and went home to pack and get ready.

It’s funny. You spent most of this year wanting this opportunity to open up. And now that it’s here, you’re hesitating. 

Going back there would mean facing a lot of things you left behind. Things you weren’t sure you were completely ready for just yet. Sure, you had been working on yourself and on making better decisions for yourself and on being more honest with everyone around you but you were still scared.

Returning also meant finding out what happened with Jeonghan this last year and you didn’t know if you were ready for that. If he was still dating Hana and you had to start seeing them together every day, you might lose your mind completely. Not knowing anything made you feel that maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you just like you were waiting for him. You didn’t want that delusion to be shattered by reality.

On the other hand, you missed everyone terribly. You missed the pacing of your job, your people, your apartment, your favorite restaurants. Would you really pass this opportunity up just because you were scared of getting your heart broken?

You haven’t decided yet. Maybe your manager is right. Seeing everyone and going back there can really help you make a final decision and the right decision for yourself personally and professionally. 

The next day you were well rested and ready for the drive. All you could think about was seeing your apartment and lying in your bed.

As soon as you got to your apartment, you felt like a new person. You loved the feeling of coming home. Your actual home. You went out to get groceries and came back home to cook a nice meal and hang out at your place. You missed this so much, being by yourself in your home and binging a show on the couch. This was all you had planned for today. 

Tomorrow you were meeting them at your usual place where you used to have most of your team building dinners. You missed that place too even if the last time you were there you were faced with Jeonghan and Hana on a date. You were not going to let them ruin a great restaurant for you. Tomorrow you would enjoy hanging out with everyone and hopefully get a better understanding of what the right decision is for you. For now, you’ll just enjoy your cozy home you missed so much.

The next day and a half went by fast and it was now Friday night and you were getting ready to go to dinner. You couldn’t wait to see them and get a little crazy. It’s been such a long while since you were all together like this.

You took a Uber and got to the restaurant a bit early but you were just too excited. As you were getting ready to go in, you heard Hoshi calling your name from across the street.

“Y/N! You’re early! Aren’t you a bit too excited to hang out with your favorite people in the entire world?? Simp” Hoshi yelled from across the street as Seokmin was still getting out of the Uber behind him.

“I missed this restaurant and I’m hungry. Don’t flatter yourself!” you yelled back and the three of you laughed.

Hoshi and Seokmin crossed the street and you finally hugged. You missed them so much.

“We should go in. Everyone else is already here and Shua was already texting me and being clingy. He really missed you” Seokmin said and started moving towards the entrance of the restaurant. 

“Shua? You invited him? I thought it was just us” you said and your heart started beating rapidly inside your chest. 

“Oh it wasn’t me, Y/N. Hoshi here invited the whole advertising team and they all accepted” Seokmin said as he smiled mischievously at Hoshi.

“Thanks, Seokmin…” Hoshi said and turned to you.

“You invited them? Why? Hoshi I wanted to hang out just us like the old days… I thought I was pretty clear…” you said and Seokmin patted Hoshi on the back and got in the restaurant leaving you both alone.

“Look, they overheard me and I felt bad not inviting them. Shua and Wonwoo talk about you all the time. They miss you too, Y/N” 

“Why not invite just them then? Why everyone?” you asked. You were trying to look behind Hoshi into the restaurant but you couldn’t see the table you were all sitting at.

“Is this about Jeonghan? I thought you two were cool…” Hoshi asked as he scratched the back of his head.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I was just surprised. Thank you for getting everyone together, Hoshi” 

He smiled and you both started to go into the restaurant and to the back towards your table. There were a lot of you so they placed your table at the back of the restaurant for more privacy. Also they knew your team well and how loud you could get with drinks in you so it was the overall best option for everyone.

“Stop everything! She has arrived!” Hoshi yelled as you two got to the table and almost everyone jumped.

“I will have a heart attack working with you people” someone you didn’t know spoke up and you stared at Hoshi.

“That’s our new team lead. He invited himself” Hoshi whispered to you.

“So you’re the one terrorizing these teams? Gotta say… Very impressive. Here I thought I was special but you can get everyone just as mad” you said and everyone laughed.

Jeonghan had been staring at you since the moment you walked up to the table. You could feel his eyes on you. You were trying to act normal in front of your team but you wanted to talk to him. Maybe tonight is not the best night to talk things over but you needed to at least understand if there even was a possibility of talking things over. You definitely don’t think you can come back if things are not resolved between the two of you.

Dinner with everyone was easy. Everyone was telling stories and telling you the updates for everything and you even got to know Seungkwan a bit more. He seemed like a wonderful guy. He was loud and he and Hoshi were always on each other’s nerves but if you were to come back, you could see this working well. He would make a wonderful addition as a team member.

Shua, Seungcheol and Wonwoo tried pretending to be upset with you for a bit but that all fell to pieces when you all got into your usual shenanigans. Another thing you realize now that you’re here is that you definitely neglected these three boys when you left. You completely lost touch with them and it wasn’t fair to them. You’re lucky they’re being merciful.

Silvia has gotten really close with Seokmin you can tell. It’s cute. She has always been the quiet one whenever your teams are together and it’s good to see she feels a bit more comfortable around everyone with Seokmin by her side.

Jeonghan didn’t say much throughout the dinner. He laughed sometimes and smiled but didn’t chime in much. You didn’t know what changed (if anything) in his life since you left. Maybe he was doing this on purpose. You wish you were brave enough to ask him directly in front of everyone.

As usual, Clara breaks you out of your thoughts by saying the most outrageous shit out of nowhere.

“So, Y/N… Be honest… Have you fucked that Chris guy on your team yet?” 

There is a moment where everyone is silent and then a few seconds later of staring at each other everyone bursts out laughing.

“I missed your ridiculousness, Clara. Thank you, I really needed a good laugh” you said as you continued laughing.

“Oh come on! Seriously! What’s wrong with you? This guy was so fucking hot, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I went there. Almost requested a transfer instantly” Clara added and you kept laughing.

“How hot?” Sunny asked and everyone stared at her still laughing.

“Wow, I leave for a year and Sunny turns into Clara… Seungkwan, you gotta get a handle on the children” you said and Seungkwan laughed.

“Tall, muscular, Australian hunk. Sunny, literally one of the hottest men I’ve seen with my own two eyes and he was all over Y/N. I was so jealous… Why do you always get the hottest guys to be into you and you don’t even take advantage of it? Unfair” Clara answered Sunny and Sunny gasped.

“Do you have pictures?” Sunny asked.

“Of course, I have pictures of all my coworkers on my phone. Because that’s not creepy at all” you added and got up to use the restroom.

“I follow him on Instagram, let me show you” Clara said and you shook your head and continued going to the bathroom.

When you came back, Clara and Sunny were still looking at Chris’s Instagram page and drooling. They started telling you what an idiot you were for not even trying to date him and you just shrugged.

“But seriously, no boyfriends we should know about?” Shua asked and you were surprised by his question.

Everyone turned to you.

“No. Not really interested in dating at the moment. Still have a few things to resolve in that arena in my life before I even consider starting to date again” you answered honestly and you hoped Jeonghan picked up on what you were trying to say.

Shua caught that as well, smiled at you and looked at Jeonghan who was now staring at his empty plate.

Clara and Sunny booed at you and everyone moved on from that topic and continued to chat about changes or new things they purchased or hobbies they started after you left. You were trying hard to pay attention to them but you needed to talk to Jeonghan. He just didn’t seem interested in talking to you.

As you were trying to convince yourself to just go for it, Jeonghan got up and told everyone he had to leave and your heart sank. There goes your chance.

“Late date?” Clara asked as she raised her eyebrows at him and everyone laughed and started telling her off. You pretended to laugh but you didn’t find any of this funny.

“No” was all he said before saying his goodbyes and leaving. He didn’t even look at you before leaving. He was always so unfair. As far as he knows, you may never be back here again. He may never see you again. Yet, he doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t even care enough to tell you goodbye. Maybe coming back here would be a huge mistake if this is how you’re going to feel every day.

Seokmin snapped you back from your thoughts by squeezing your hand and smiling at you. He didn’t know about you and Jeonghan but he seemed to understand your sadness at that moment while everyone else didn’t notice anything.

You thought about maybe ending the night early but that wouldn’t be fair to anyone else there so you pushed through. You also deserved to have fun with your friends. You have plenty of time to be sad when you get home.

The rest of the night went by fast. The group moved from the restaurant to a karaoke bar and everyone was having a blast. You might have had too much to drink but you needed to stop thinking about Jeonghan and focus on your friends so alcohol it is. You were going to regret this tomorrow. 

And regret it you did. You woke up with a huge hangover. Your head was pounding. Why did you drink this much? Oh yeah… Jeonghan. At least everyone seemed to have enjoyed the night. You should’ve drank more water though. You got up, took an ibuprofen, showered and decided to rest more until your headache went away. 

It sounded like a good plan and was going great until someone decided to ruin your entire mood by ringing your doorbell. You tried ignoring it and turned around on your bed to go back to sleep but the doorbell kept ringing.

You got up and went to the door. Whoever it was, they better be ready for a fight. You were tired, angry, sad and out of patience for any nonsense today.

You didn’t even check the peephole. You get to the door and you swing it open, ready to fight and when you finally see who’s on the other side, you stop.

“Not a good morning, Y/N?” Jeonghan asks, laughing lightly.

You sigh and gesture at him to come in.

“What gave it away? The disheveled hair? The swinging the door open?” you asked as you sat on the couch.

“The general rage, yes. Had a good time last night after I left, huh?” he asked and he joined you on the couch.

“I forgot how insane they are when they drink. I missed everyone so much that I let myself get carried away. Mistake”

You both laughed. And then there was silence. You couldn’t take this anymore. It was now or never.

“Why did you ignore me last night? You barely said anything or even looked at me. You didn’t even say goodbye. That could’ve been the last time you saw me and you didn’t even say anything. Why?” you asked him.

“I’ll never be able to say goodbye to you, Y/N. I couldn’t do it a year ago and I can’t do it now” he answered without hesitation.

You nodded.

“Why did you come here today? You didn’t seem to be interested in talking to me yesterday” you asked again.

“It wasn’t easy seeing you. After all this time. I went there because I needed to see you but I didn’t know if I should be there. If you wanted me there. I didn’t want to ruin your night but I couldn’t not go. I was being selfish” 

“So you decided to leave early yesterday and come here today and ruin a whole new day for me?” you asked in a playful tone but he didn’t laugh with you.

“I wanted to see you, Jeonghan. I know I wasn’t being obvious about it yesterday but everyone was there. I didn’t want to ruin the night for them. It was the first time we were all together in a long time. I couldn’t be selfish. But I wanted to be” you added to your previous statement.

He nodded.

“Then can we talk? Right now? It’s why I came here. There’s a lot of things we need to talk about. I should’ve done this earlier. Way before last year even. I’m a coward when it comes to you” Jeonghan said.

“Yes, please” you answered and you both smiled.

“I’ve never been the smoothest guy around. The guy that can easily talk to a girl he likes. I’ve always gotten weird and acted stupid. I don’t know why. And now I would like to think I’m better but back then when we met 6 years ago, I was still that stupid kid that didn’t know how to act when he liked a girl. That’s kind of why this started. Back then, when I first saw you, I wanted to get to know you more. You were so beautiful, I still remember what you were wearing the first day we met. But you didn’t seem to notice me. At all. The only time you acknowledged me was in an interdepartmental meeting when I made a snappy comment and you started getting snarky with me. I thought this was my shot. This is how you were going to notice me” he started and you scoffed.

“So you decided to be an asshole from then on? Why not just come to me and talk to me?” you asked.

“Like I said, I was a dumb kid. I wanted your attention but I wasn’t brave enough or confident enough to simply walk up to you and start a conversation so I decided having you mad at me was better than having you not know I even existed. Things went downhill fast from there. You were hating me more and more and I was… Liking you more and more. But after a year of this dynamic, I didn’t know how to stop it and just talk to you. Seungcheol always gave me so much shit for it. He kept saying I was going to regret not having talked to you and gotten to know you the proper way. That it was going to bite me in the ass and he was right” he sighed as he continued.

So that’s what Seungcheol meant when he asked you if you didn’t know why Jeonghan treated you this way. He knew all along of Jeonghan’s feelings for you and he probably thought you knew as well, somehow.

“Y/N, I’ve had feelings for you from day one. That’s why it hurt so much hearing you say you hated me even if I brought it on myself. When you gave me a chance to have you in my arms, even if it was just that night at the party, I didn’t hesitate. I couldn’t. I had wanted you for so long. Desperate for your attention. Part of me wishes I stopped myself from having you that night. I should’ve told you the truth right there but I couldn’t risk you leaving. I was selfish that night too” 

You looked down and he sighed. 

You didn’t know what to say. Even though this made sense, it also didn’t. You still had so many questions. You needed to know everything. No more fear. No more being a coward.

You looked back at Jeonghan.

“Why did you sleep with Hana then? If you had feelings for me from the start?” you asked and he laughed.

“Another stupid mistake I made because of my feelings for you” he said and you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do you remember the only year we had the Christmas party at the office? The one where the office almost got destroyed?” he asked and you nodded.

“Before that party I promised myself I was going to talk to you. Really talk. Maybe drunkenly confess my feelings for you and hope for the best. But you spent the first few hours of that party with Jackson. Smiling and laughing and having fun and I was fucking miserable watching you two. I started drinking a bit too much and when Hana came to me I thought ‘fuck it’. If you could live your life and probably end up dating Jackson, I could fuck whoever I wanted too. I didn’t really think about the consequences of sleeping with her until it was done. She told the whole office and the look of disgust you gave me when you found out was enough for me to realize that if I hadn’t ruined all my chances with you before, I definitely had then”

“You’re an idiot” you told him.

“I know” he agreed.

“Even if you regretted it afterwards, you seemed to have a good time. She said a lot of things about that night. Hard to believe you cared about me that much but fucked her that good. Or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic that doesn’t understand fucking without feelings” you said and you looked down.

You know you wanted the truth but you had forgotten how much the truth could hurt.

“You fucked me and you hated me though” he said and you scoffed.

“You really are an idiot…” you said and sighed.

He looked at you with a puzzled look in his eyes. 

“Don’t look so confused. I’ll explain my side soon. Continue” you told him.

“About what she said, it was all lies. I may have been drunk but I remember that night clearly. It was terrible. I didn’t even put in an effort. I didn’t care. I was picturing you the whole time, I’m actually surprised I didn’t say your name. Probably because nothing felt good. I just wanted to get it over with. When we were done, I left immediately without even saying a word to her. I was disgusted with myself. I went to sleep that night hoping you would never find out about it. You know I’m like you, I know you’ve heard it around the office too. I don’t just fuck people, I don’t do the fuck buddy thing. I’ve always been looking for the real deal. I will always regret that night” he said and you started to understand him a bit more, but there were still a couple of things on your mind when it came to Hana.

“Why let her hang around you all the time at the office? If you were mad about her telling everyone and if you really weren’t interested, why let her follow you around and grab you whenever she wants?” you asked.

He smiled at you.

“The first time she did it in front of you, it seemed like you were jealous. I didn’t know if it was wishful thinking on my part, but the look in your eye when she started touching me gave me hope. Again, I’m an idiot, I know” he answered and now it actually made you laugh lightly.

“Can’t argue with that” you said and he laughed with you.

“Last question about her and I think you know what’s coming” you said and he sighed and nodded.

“If all of this is true, what happened when I met you both at the restaurant? She said you were on a date. Why?” 

“This one is actually an easy one to answer. We were never on a date. Woozi in IT invited me out for dinner and drinks to join their team dinner since I wasn’t doing so well and I agreed. When the time of the dinner came, everyone else canceled except her so I was stuck with her. Not sure if it was her plan all along but I know Woozi wouldn’t do that to me so I guess it worked in her favor somehow. I decided to stay because I was hungry and tired and wanted a drink and then we ran into you. When she said it was a date, I really wanted to say something different but the look in your eyes… I knew I needed to explain myself outside of that situation. You weren’t going to let me do it there specially since you were late for your team dinner”

He does know you well. You would’ve left either way that night. What you still don’t understand is why he didn’t tell you all of this before you left.

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this? Why did you let me leave thinking you were fucking me while dating her?” you finally asked.

“Before that restaurant situation, you had been distancing yourself from me. I didn’t know why but I was too scared to find out. I thought maybe you were done. With us. With me. I didn’t think you would want to hear anything from me anymore. And when you also didn’t reach out or asked for an explanation about Hana, I thought that meant you didn’t care. I thought you didn’t care if I was dating her or not because we were just fucking. I thought if I reached out and told you the truth, you were going to tell me it was just sex. That it was never more than that between us. I didn’t want to hear that”

“So you let me leave? No goodbye. No explanation. Just a text. How do you think I felt when you did that?” you asked with tears in your eyes now.

“I know how much I fucked up. After sending that text and staring at my phone, I realized I would rather let you know the whole truth even if it meant you rejecting me than this. I drove to your place but when I got there, you were gone” he added and he also had tears in his eyes now.

“Why didn’t you ever call me? Or even texted me? Why not tell me all of this even if I was away?” you asked him as you cried softly.

“I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me. You had this new life now in a different city with new people. I thought you were over whatever happened with us”

“I spent this whole year thinking about you” you said and he nodded sadly.

There was a silence in the room with you now. 

He had told you the whole truth. Since the very first day. No more hiding. 

It was your turn now but you didn’t even know where to start so you told him just that.

“Thank you for telling me this now. I also have some explaining to do but I don’t even know where to start…”

“From the beginning. From when we met, please. I need to know” Jeonghan told you and you agreed.

“I thought you were the most beautiful human I’d ever seen. When we first met. I’m also not the best at talking to people I like. I usually don’t, at all. I stay away and just enjoy the person from afar. It seems easier than being rejected. Adding that to how obsessed I was with the company and being hired there, I guess it would have seemed like I didn’t notice you at all. But I did. Which is why I was so pissed every time you were an asshole to me. Not only was the career I dreamed of taking a hit but the guy I had a crush on apparently wanted to destroy my career” you said and laughed.

He laughed with you.

You were both idiots. 

“After that, I accepted that you just hated me. I had to move on or I would end up breaking my own heart. So I told myself that I hated you. I would hate you from then on and treat you exactly like you were treating me. I spent years avoiding what I really felt about you. It seemed easier that way. I needed to focus on my career and ignore whatever was going on with you. It was the smartest decision for me” you told him and continued.

“I didn’t realize all of this until I left though. Being away and getting a therapist helped me realize all of my feelings for you. Made me understand what I did wrong and what I wish I could change. Distancing myself from you after our last night here was a huge mistake. But at the time I was confused. I still thought I didn’t like you at all so how could I let you in here. I didn’t want to see the truth. I wasn’t ready for it. It’s easier now, even if it hurts, knowing exactly what my feelings for you are” you added.

“Is that why you didn’t say anything after the restaurant incident?” he asked you.

“Yeah. I had already been distant from you trying to sort out my feelings and when I saw you with her I made my decision. Maybe it was best if we stopped whatever it was we were doing. Then when we didn’t speak after that and my manager gave me the option to leave, again, it seemed easier than trying to deal with everything. I used my career as an excuse but I just wasn’t ready to face this. I am now” you answered.

You were trying to explain everything to him but sometimes it’s hard to put all of this in words. It’s been 6 years of confusion and misunderstandings. Where do you go from here?

“I don’t want to ask this but what about Jackson? What happened at the Christmas party?” he asked and it surprised you.

“Honestly I don’t even remember that party at all. I don’t remember spending that much time with Jackson. I never liked him and I always knew he was just trying to fuck me. I was nice to him at first but I guess over time I lost patience and that’s why now it may be more obvious of how not interested I am” you told him and he nodded.

“And Chris?” he asked in a more hushed voice.

You laughed.

“Chris is a great guy. And he has told me he’s interested in me. I told him no. I still had things from my past to sort out and wasn’t interested. He understood. We’re friends. Sure, he still hopes one day I’ll give him a chance but I already told him many times not to wait for that” you said and he smiled.

You smiled too.

You weren’t sure if there was anything else he wanted to know but it seems most of your past issues have been explained on both sides. Past has been resolved in a way. But what about the future? Is there a future? You’re trying to figure out how to ask this question when he interrupts your thoughts.

“What about now? What happens now? You’re still living far away, it would be tricky but I want to see you again. And a lot more. Maybe we can go back to how things were between us…” Jeonghan said and the last part he said with more nervousness in his tone.

Thing is… He still didn’t say what his feelings were. He said he liked you but that could mean anything. Now he wants to go back to how things were? No… That’s not what you want at all. You thought you had been clear.

“No, I don’t want to go back to how things were. I know that for sure” you told him and his smile fell from his face.

“Oh… Hmm… Okay… I thought that was what we both wanted. I guess I got that wrong” he said as he started to get up from the couch and move towards the door. 

“Wait, where are you going? You didn’t let me finish” you said as you followed behind him.

“No, I get it. I thought things could go back to that but they can’t. We’ve been hurting each other for so long. I wouldn’t want to be with me either. Sorry. I should go. I’m meeting Seungcheol for lunch but thanks for listening to me” he said as he left your apartment.

You were left alone, in the middle of your living room, confused and staring at your door.

‘What the hell just happened?’ you asked yourself. You thought the conversation was going well. You were both reaching an agreement so why would he leave. He didn’t even let you explain what you meant when you said you didn’t want things to go back to the way things were. Was that all he wanted from this? To explain everything and then go back to just fucking each other? Why was he always so confusing? Things between two people aren’t supposed to be this difficult. You can’t even hold a conversation without misunderstandings. How was this ever going to work?

You were left confused and wondering what any of it meant for the both of you.

The rest of the weekend went by fast. You met up with some of the guys for lunch and just to hang out and Sunday came fast. Before you knew it, it was time to leave again. You couldn’t leave without trying to understand what went wrong and what you said that made Jeonghan leave so abruptly. You decided to call him. He didn’t answer so you texted him.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you and do this on short notice but I would really like to see you before I have to leave today. I feel like our conversation ended and you left on another misunderstanding. Can you please, make some time for me today? I have to leave by 6PM, the latest. I’m free the rest of the day. Let me know, okay?”

Nothing.

He didn’t answer the text. He never called you back. 

It was 6:30PM and you were still in your apartment staring at your phone, waiting for him.

Crying, you pick up your bags and get ready to leave.

This would never work. He is unable to resolve things by talking. He always runs away from you. You would end up getting your heart broken in the future.

Not that your heart isn’t broken right now. You opened up to him and told him the whole truth and somehow he chose to listen to the wrong thing and leave. This time you were proud of yourself though. You reached out to him and you tried to resolve everything before having to leave again. It was his choice to not listen. There’s only so much you can do. Relationships are a two way street. You can’t keep fighting for something while the other person simply gives up and walks away. It’s exhausting and you will always end up in tears. 

Maybe this was for the best.

That four hour drive was done listening to sad songs and trying to tell yourself you’ll be just fine. You still had no fucking clue of what you wanted to do. Even though you had an amazing time with everyone including the new guy, this situation with Jeonghan might prove to be a little too much for you to handle. 

You needed to sleep on this and hope your boss didn’t ask you for your answer first thing in the morning.

The next day you went to work and went back to normal. The usual meetings, usual coachings, usual schedule. It felt normal. 

By the end of the day you still didn’t know what to do. You missed everything about the other branch, city and people. But you didn’t know if your heart could take any more hits. Going back there wasn’t going to be easy.

You were split. 

It was the end of the day and you were packing up to go home. Your boss hasn’t mentioned it at all. You talked about work during the day and he checked-in with you and the team but he didn’t ask you anything else. You felt relieved. Maybe he would give you more time before making a final decision.

As you reached for the door of your office to leave, there’s a knock.

It was your boss.

Fuck. You knew it was too good to be true.

“Hey again, Y/N. Going home?” he asked you.

“Yup. Not a fan of overtime especially when the work's all done” you told him and you both laughed.

“Look, I don’t want to pressure you but we have their branch breathing down our necks. They need an answer asap. I assume you don’t have one yet since you didn’t talk to me about it but just a heads up, they might contact you directly if you take too long deciding” he let you know and you sighed.

“I want to go back. Nothing against this branch but it’s just a bit too slow paced for me. You’re a great manager and I’ve really enjoyed my time here but it’s been difficult adjusting even to my apartment. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier today. Not gonna lie, before this moment, I had no clue what I wanted but as soon as you asked me I knew what the answer was” you answered him and he laughed.

“I get it. You and that team are the dream team. Hard to move on from that when that’s what you love. I don’t hold it against you. We can let the team here know tomorrow so that you can start helping Chris with stepping into the role, is that okay?”

“Of course but this soon? When do I have to leave by?” you asked a bit surprised on how fast this was moving.

“They want you back there asap. I don’t blame them either. I’ll let them know of your decision and let’s say two weeks? Would that be enough time for Chris to get prepared? What do you think as his current team lead?”

“That’s more than enough time. Like I told you before, Chris was already aware and saw me do a lot of the team lead’s tasks. It should be an easy adjustment for him” you said and he nodded.

“Alright, then! Have a good night and we’ll meet with your team first thing in the morning” your manager told you as he walked out with you.

“One more thing… Can we not tell the team over there? I wanted to surprise them, if that’s okay?” you asked your manager and he laughed again.

“I’m okay with it. Let me ask them over there and I’ll let you know tomorrow, yeah?” he answered you and you nodded.

You got to your apartment, sat down on the couch and started laughing.

You have no idea what came over you but when your manager asked what you wanted to do, you couldn’t help but say you wanted to go back. This whole thing with Jeonghan won’t be easy and you will hurt but at least you’ll be around the people you love most in the world, in your comfy home that you love so much.

You couldn’t wait to leave.

The next two weeks went by so slow. Every day seemed to drag on forever. This was how bad you wanted to go back. 

Your team was sad but they understood your decision and they were also super excited about having Chris step up. 

You spent those two weeks helping Chris and preparing him for the role and by the end he was full on taking care of the team while you shadowed along. Maybe that’s why the days went by even slower at the end. You were watching Chris do your job and reporting to your manager but you weren’t doing much more.

Your manager was able to convince the other branch about keeping this a secret for now. Seungkwan was informed and he also promised to not say anything since he knew what this meant for you all. He may have only spent that one night around all of you but it was clear to him you belonged there with the team and that he still had a lot to learn before stepping up at that branch.

It was difficult not to say anything in the group chat specially since your team figured out some moves in the team were going to happen but they just didn’t know what and they kept talking about it and speculating. They were suspicious it had to do with Seungkwan since they all filed the same complaint with HR but they weren’t sure since Seungkwan wouldn’t tell them either.

The day before you left you had dinner with Chris and the boys to say goodbye. They were a great team, really. You just didn’t belong here with them. You hoped the best for them and you knew Chris would grow a lot more in the future if he kept working the way he had.

The next day you drove home. Home. Felt good to say and to think about. You couldn’t wait to get there. 

You had to be careful once you got there though. You didn’t want to get caught and be told on before Monday. Clara lives very close to you so grocery shopping was going to be a risk but you had to risk it because there was no way you weren’t going to cook and enjoy some nice home cooked meals. 

Those days went by fast and so far no one had found out you were back and would be back working at the branch.

When you got to the office, you went straight to your manager’s office and as soon as you walked in, you two shared a huge hug. She had missed you just as much as you had missed her. Having another woman team lead to fight Jeonghan’s manager was much needed since he had been on a whole other level after you left.

Part of you thinks your manager asked the whole office to join the meeting so that she could rub it in his face that you were back permanently to make his life hell if needed.

The time for the meeting was finally here and your heart was beating fast. You’re excited to see your team’s reaction but also you can’t deny that you want to see how Jeonghan reacts. 

How can something so simple be so terrifying?

When everyone was gathered in the big conference room, your manager started the meeting by saying there would be a few changes happening in the marketing team. She kept her speech short and gave Seungkwan the floor.

“So as you guys know, I transferred here from a much slower branch. When I was team lead there things were very different. I adjusted well and got along well with everyone. Here, things have been tricky. Even though I get along with my team on a personal level, things have been less than ideal on a professional level. When all of this became clear to all of us, I was approached by my manager and I was informed I was going to be replaced here as team lead. I could either choose to stay here as a member of the marketing team, or go back to my previous branch as team lead” he paused then and everyone started looking around in confusion. Probably because they knew you were the team lead at that branch so what did this all mean?

“Well, I chose to stay here as a team member. I wanted to learn from the new team lead whoever that was. Initially I didn’t know who that was. The final decision hadn’t been made but once I found out who it was, I was incredibly happy to be working and learning from her. I don’t want to prolong this anymore than I already have so let’s all please, welcome the new team lead for our marketing team!” he said and started clapping.

Everyone else joined and started to look around trying to find the person who was replacing Seungkwan. 

You got in the room from behind your manager and as soon as Hoshi’s eyes landed on you, he ran to you and picked you up while screeching like an insane bird.

“Put me down, you maniac!” you said and as soon as he did everyone from your team ran up to hug you.

“Better surprise than last time?” you asked and they all nodded.

You were all in your little world and your manager interrupted you.

“Not to ruin this family reunion but do you have a few words for everyone?” she asked.

“I’m not very good at these things as you probably found out last time so I don’t have a lot to say. It was a good experience over there but not enough for me professionally. Also I missed my team and my home. And now I’m back so I’m looking forward to working and/or fighting some of you” you said and everyone laughed. 

You found Jeonghan in the back behind everyone. He had a blank expression on his face and as soon as your manager told everyone they could go, he was the first one out the door.

You were disappointed but not surprised. This reaction was very him.

Shua, Wonwoo and Seungcheol ran up to you and welcomed you back. Told you they missed you. Silvia was a bit more chill about it but you could tell she was happy mostly because Seokmin was happy to have you back. You’ll take it either way.

From then on everything went back to normal. Usual team meetings, usual interdepartmental meetings, usual lunch with everyone. After three weeks, it felt like you had never left. Seungkwan was a great addition to your team just like you thought. He may have not been ready for the team lead position but he was an extraordinary team member to your team.

Everything went back to what it was supposed to be. You were so happy to be back even if things with Jeonghan stayed the same. He never answered that text and never called you back and ever since you came back, he never spoke to you. You talked during meetings but about work only. He seemed to have found a good balance of being an asshole and simply accepting your teams’ proposals when they made perfect sense. Everything was going great but somehow, when you were alone in your office and at home, you still felt empty.

Right now you were in your office, looking out the window. The day has been going okay so far, you just didn’t feel good. It seems the more time passes like this between you and Jeonghan, the worse you feel every single day. 

As you were almost falling asleep in your chair staring out the window, there was a knock at your door. You asked them to come in and to your surprise, Shua walks through the door.

“May I come in and sit? Do you have a few minutes to chat, Y/N?”

“Hmm… Yeah, go ahead. Surprisingly, it’s been a slow day. What do you need to talk to me about? Is it about the Privé campaign proposal?”

“Actually it’s not work related. It’s personal” he said and you started to get nervous.

You gulped.

“Okay” was all you said.

“Look, I don’t know how your conversation went the last time you were here before you moved back but he’s been miserable since then. From what I can tell so far, you haven’t been doing much better so forgive my intrusion but what the hell happened that day?” Shua asked and you just broke down.

You started sobbing. He locked your office door and came back to you to hug you. 

You got up from the chair and you both moved to the couch in your office.

“Sorry” you said as he handed you the tissue box from your desk before sitting back down again next to you.

“I don’t know what happened. We were talking and then he just left out of nowhere. Then Sunday I asked him to meet with me so we could fix whatever misunderstanding this was and he ignored both my call and text. He hasn’t spoken to me since that day. I wanted to know what made him leave but he won’t give me the chance” you told him and you tried to stop crying.

“He told me you confessed to him and then turned him down. It didn’t make sense to me at the time but he’s sure you rejected him” Shua said and you looked back at him confused.

“I didn’t reject him, Shua. I told him no when he asked if things could go back to the way they were before with us because that’s not what I want. I… Have feelings for him. Why would I want to go back to being fuck buddies or whatever the fuck we were before?” you asked and you hoped he would understand what you meant.

“You love him and you wanted a relationship… You weren’t rejecting him, you were rejecting being fuck buddies…” he said as he looked around and scoffed.

“Love is a strong word” you told him and sighed.

“Is it though? Look at you two. You’re both miserable and for what? You should be together, Y/N. How much longer are you going to keep hurting each other?” he asked and you got offended.

“Hurting each other? He’s the one that keeps making shit decisions and not listening to me. Even when I reach out to him, he pushes me away. He’s the one constantly breaking my heart and I’m the one stupid enough to keep letting him” you said as you got up back to your desk.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. I’m just tired of watching you both fight this. I know you’re tired of trying and being the one pushing but maybe you should do it one last time. Tell him what you told me and make sure he understands you can’t be the only one fighting for the two of you. That he can’t run away any time he thinks he heard something he doesn’t like”

“Is it worth it, Shua? To keep fighting? There’s always been misunderstandings between us, something always happens to break us apart. Maybe it’s a sign we just shouldn’t be together. Being with someone shouldn’t be this difficult. I know a good relationship means hard work but this is too much. I can’t keep fighting for someone who just runs away every time. Just avoids the issue and ignores me. No relationship can survive that”

“I’m a firm believer that nothing good comes easy. You have to put in the work. And I know he fucked up more than once and you’ve been the one carrying all of this but are you really going to let him go just because of this? A silly misunderstanding about him not getting you wanted a relationship? Think about it. He’s a literal man, Y/N. He needs things spelled out to him most times, specially when it comes to the person he loves most in the world. You’ve been through so much together that his mind just picks the negative and runs. It’s not your fault but if you think this relationship could be the real deal, try one more time. Tell him everything. Clearly, with no room for misunderstandings”

You nodded and he nodded back.

He got up to leave and as he was unlocking your office door and leaving he turned back.

“Just think about it, please, Y/N” he said and left.

When you got home that night, it was all you could think about. 

You wish you could ask someone. You had never told anyone about you and Jeonghan so you didn’t have anyone to talk to about this and share their opinion. You didn’t know if you should either. This is a decision you need to make by yourself. 

You spent the night thinking it over and you decided it was time to be brave and grow up. You wouldn’t do this through text or call. Tomorrow morning you were going straight to his office and you’re going to lay your cards on the table. You’re going to tell him what an asshole he is and that this is his last chance. If he wants it, he’ll have to put in the work from now on. No more running. No more ignoring you. Open communication or it’s not even worth starting anything back up between the two of you.

You couldn’t sleep very well. You woke up nervous and angry. You rushed to the office so you could be there early and talk to him before the day started. But of course, nothing ever goes to plan when it comes to Jeonghan, and your manager called you in to talk about the new accounts that were joining the company and what you and your team should expect from them. 

By the time you and your manager were done with that small meeting, everyone was already in the office and working hard. Shit. Should you do this now or later? Fuck it, you need this to be over with. You can’t suffer like this anymore.

You went to his office and of course, the first thing you are greeted with is Hana with her paws all over him, twirling his tie in her hand and laughing. He looked bored. He was leaning against his desk. He still let her do it though and you were beyond angry. 

You knocked on his open door and cleared your throat. 

He looked up and when he saw it was you, he gulped and tried moving away from Hana.

“Can’t you see we’re busy?” Hana asked you with disdain. 

You’re being tested. ‘Please, do not choose murder, please. Stay calm’ you told yourself as you walked in his office towards them.

“Hands off and fuck off, Hana. Don’t you have work to do? As far as I know this is a fucking office so act professional and not like a hormonal teenager or I’ll report you to your team lead and to HR” you told her and she gasped. 

Jeonghan just kept looking between the two of you and removed his tie from her hand.

“Jeonghan, say something!” she said as she turned to him and crossed her arms.

You looked at Jeonghan with a tilted head and raised your eyebrows.

“Get out, Hana. Go back to work. You shouldn’t have been here in the first place” he told her as he finally moved away from her completely and sat down on his desk chair.

She scoffed, flipped her hair, looked you up and down and finally left.

You closed his office door behind her and turned back to him.

“Am I just going to have to see that forever or do you plan on telling her to stop it anytime soon? I guess old habits die hard, huh?” you asked as you sat down in front of him.

“I’m sorry” was all he told you.

“Getting fucking sick of hearing that. I need to talk to you and you seem to ignore me through text and phone calls and even around here so you left me no choice. Do you have time now or do you want me to leave?” you asked and he stayed silent.

“Just know that if you tell me to leave, it will be the last fucking time I’ll give you the chance to push me away, so choose wisely” you continued and waited for his answer.

He continued to stay silent.

So be it.

You got up and started to leave his office.

“Stop, please. I’m sorry. Stay. Yes. Let’s talk” he said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you back, closer to him.

“I’m going to make this simple. Joshua talked to me yesterday. He told me you said I rejected you. You really need to start listening to what I say, Jeonghan. I didn’t reject you or your feelings. What I told you was that I did not want to go back to being fuck buddies. I wanted more for us. But you didn’t let me say that. You just got up and left with an assumption that I was rejecting you” you said and you could see the cogs starting to turn in his brain. He was realizing he had fucked up yet again.

“And because I was confused and didn’t understand why you left the way you did, I reached out to you. I wanted to talk it over before I left. I wanted to make everything clear between us and you ignored me again. I waited for you in my home and you didn’t even text back. That really fucking hurt” you continued and you started to cry now.

“You know that weekend I had already been given a choice to either stay there or come back here. After what happened with us, after you broke my heart again, I almost stayed there. But I chose to come back because I was always happier here. Whatever was going on with us, I couldn’t let that stop me so I came back. And you didn’t give a shit. You were the first to leave the meeting and you haven’t spoken a word to me in weeks”

You were getting angrier now. He needed to understand this was his absolute last chance and you were going to make sure you got through to him.

“When Shua talked to me yesterday, he said I should try one more time. Telling you everything clearly so that were no more misunderstandings. I didn’t want to. I can’t be the only one fighting and pushing through the misunderstandings. We can’t keep having these misunderstandings. I deserve better than getting hurt all the time because you won’t talk to me. You just run and ignore the issue and break both of our hearts. You need to choose, Jeonghan. Either you start taking responsibility and we start a mature relationship where we talk to each other about everything that is bothering us or maybe, if you don’t think it’s worth it or you’re not strong enough, we just end everything now. Completely. We’ll be nothing more than coworkers”

This was it. 

You were done.

He had all the information he needed to make his choice. 

No more ambiguity, no more uncertainty. He needed to choose to either fight for your relationship and stop being scared or let you go.

“You don’t have to answer me right now but--”

He stopped you from talking by kissing you. 

His hands were holding your face as he kissed you and you kissed him right back.

You missed him so much. He was such an asshole for torturing you both.

He backed you both up against the back wall of his office and he kept kissing you hard. 

You stayed like that for a while. Until your phone started to ring in your pocket.

It was Hoshi. He probably couldn’t find you and he needed you. 

“I need to go” you whispered against his lips and he kissed you again.

You started laughing.

“Seriously, I have to go. That’s a yes on the relationship then?” you asked, still holding him.

“Fuck yes, absolutely. I will never let you down again, that’s a fucking promise, angel”

“It better be. Let’s take it slow, yeah? I know that’s a bit of a cliché but I want us to start fresh. Going on dates, getting to know each other. Since we’re both hopeless romantics after all” you said and you both smiled.

“Anything you want, angel”

You left his office and met with Hoshi who was freaking out about something Seungkwan had said. These two will drive you insane but nothing matters right now. All you can think about is Jeonghan. You wondered how things were going to progress between you two from now on.

After a few weeks, you and Jeonghan were doing great. He started by leaving you coffee on your desk every morning with a note and he always checked on you during the day. You had lunch together every day (with your teams but still) and he took you out on dates almost every day. 

It may have been too much for some people but you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and he felt the same. You had dinner together almost every day and you spent the weekends together. You had gone to amusement parks, gone on hikes, you had picnics by the river and so many other good things. 

You were slowly getting to know each other and your feelings for him were growing more and more every day. You hoped he felt the same way. 

You had been honest with each other about everything. You told him you needed him to put a stop to Hana following him around and being all over him. It made you uncomfortable and he agreed that was a door he needed to close permanently for both of you but also for Hana’s sake. So she could move on. He always talked to you every time he felt insecure or scared and you helped him through it. Your dynamic stayed the same. Always challenging each other and being snarky but you both loved it that way.

You had even met each others’ families already. It was funny watching your families react to you and him dating. You both talked so much shit about each other to your families that everyone was confused when you told them. His sister seemed to be the only one that knew this was exactly how you and him were going to end up.

There were a few things you haven’t done so far. You haven’t told anyone in the office, well except Shua and Seungcheol. And, you haven’t slept together yet. It just didn’t happen. You had been so focused on doing things right and getting to know him that that part hadn’t really been on your mind too much. You already knew that side of him and sure, you missed it but you didn’t want to rush anything. He seemed to feel the same way since he hadn’t made any moves towards that at all. You also haven’t told each other those three words. You wanted to. You knew you loved him. It was clear. It had been clear for a while but you were still scared about that. He hasn’t said them either which has surprised you so far but you understand. He’s probably just as scared as you are.

Next Friday was the regularly scheduled end of quarter party at your company. It was at the usual place, at the usual time and you wanted to be able to enjoy it with Jeonghan but the office still doesn’t know so you decided to ask him about it.

You went to his office during the day and brought it up.

“I was thinking… Maybe we can tell people… In the office… I wanted to go with you to the party and I can’t do that if we keep hiding this…”

“I would like that very much. I’ve wanted to do that since day one, angel”

You smiled and kissed him.

He pulled you closer to stand between his legs and you made a bolder move and straddled him on his desk chair while you kept kissing.

He pulled away from you and held your face with his hands. You moved to kiss him again and he laughed and stopped you.

“Hey… Look at me, angel…” 

You stared into his eyes deeply.

“I love you, Y/N” he said and he gulped. He was nervous. It was the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your fucking life. You smiled hard.

“I love you too, Jeonghan”

He smiled just as hard as you and he started to kiss you again. Hard. One of his hands had now moved to your ass and he was pushing you on his cock. He was hard. You telling him you loved him back got him hard. That was fucking hot.

Your kiss started to get more and more heated but neither of you could stop. Not now knowing that you loved each other. Finally hearing it from each others lips was the last straw and you got reminded of how much you missed fucking him. You could feel how desperate he was for you too and you both just couldn’t stop what was happening, neither did you want to.

“Y/N, we need your approval on this. Can you--”

Hoshi and your team barged into Jeonghan’s office and you jumped away from Jeonghan so fast. But not fast enough. Jeonghan started laughing and moving his chair towards his desk to cover his very prominent boner.

You were all silent. Hoshi, Seokmin and Seungkwan looked horrified while Clara and Sunny were smirking behind them.

“Hey, what’s going on? Why is everyone just standing here?” Joshua asked as he walked by Jeonghan’s office and saw the crowd.

He looked into the office and immediately realized you two had been caught red-handed. 

“Oh… You should really lock your doors, guys” he said as he laughed and Jeonghan laughed with him. You affectionately slapped his shoulder for him to stop.

“I need to go wash my eyes” Hoshi said but didn’t move.

“I knew it! I mean I didn’t know it but very nice, Y/N. We have to talk” Clara added and Sunny laughed and nodded.

You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“This isn’t how I wanted you to find out. We were actually going to tell you about it today” you said.

“Before or after you defiled his office?” Seokmin asked you and everyone laughed.

“Definitely after” Jeonghan answered and you were ready to kick his ass.

“Come on, let’s get back to work. We can talk about it later” you said and started to leave. You gestured at your team to follow you.

“Oh we’re talking now, screw work” Sunny said and everyone agreed.

“This is why I didn’t tell you sooner” you added and they all laughed.

You told them the truth about everything with you and Jeonghan. Except what Clara and Sunny wanted to know. That, you didn’t say shit about. They were not happy about it. 

Nothing changed from then on out. Everyone knew but it didn’t change any dynamic. Just some added jokes about you two angry fucking each other after your usual disagreements at interdepartmental meetings. 

You also informed HR about your relationship and followed all the right steps. Soon enough, everyone at the office knew. Most people were surprised but nice about it. There were a few that were angry and doing their best to ruin your relationship either by creating rumors or trying to get in between you two. Hana and Jackson. Jackson was being an asshole but he wasn’t pushing anyones boundaries or creating issues. Hana on the other hand, was trying her best to ruin this for you two.

She started rumors about him still fucking her. She constantly tried to touch him and follow him around. It was frustrating but all you could do was report her to HR and move on. It had only been a few days but she was working hard trying to break you two up. It didn’t matter. You trusted Jeonghan and he always stopped her and her rumors whenever he heard them. You two agreed she would eventually stop. This was still fresh to everyone and she needed to get it out of her system. 

You and Jeonghan were really good now and nothing she could do would change that.

Friday came fast and you were excited. This quarter was a rollercoaster but you were happy to be back here at this branch with the people you loved, in your home that you loved so much as well.

Jeonghan joined you and Clara in the Uber and you met up with everyone there.

You sat at the same table you had last time, with the same people, but so much has changed. 

This time around, you were in love with the one you claimed to hate before. You were here with him and you were going to enjoy this completely. 

Everyone was drinking and having fun. Dinner and the awards started and it was just as fun as you remembered. You had gone to a few end of quarter parties at the other branch and you never had this much fun. This was the best. This was where you belonged. With these people. With this team. With him. You were so happy right now, words couldn’t begin to explain it.

The awards had just ended and they were getting ready for the DJ set to start and you decided to get a refill on your drink. 

When you came back to the table, Jeonghan wasn’t there. You checked your phone just in case and he had texted you.

“Join me. You know where”

You smiled and got up to go meet Jeonghan in the room you first started this whole thing in.

You walked in and locked the door behind you.

Jeonghan was sitting on the sofa by the window that you sat on last time. He was in the dark again, just like last time. 

You walked towards him and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, looking out the window.

He looked at you and you smiled still staring at the window.

“Getting sentimental, baby?” you asked, still looking out the window.

“Hopeless romantic. Remember, angel?” he asked and you laughed.

You looked at him and you stayed there looking at each other silently for a while until he sat up.

“Come closer, angel. You’re too far away from me”

You moved closer to him. As close as you could. He pushed your hair behind your ear and kissed you. Softly. Like he was scared you were going to break. This felt different. He was trying to show you in actions how he felt about you. You kissed him back and held his free hand in yours.

He started to deepen the kiss and you let him. 

You moved to lay down and pulled him with you. 

He was on top of you kissing you and you locked your legs around his waist. 

You were already wet and he was hard. It had been too long since you had been together like this. You were being desperate for him and you knew he felt the same.

You reached down and started stroking his cock through his clothes and he whined.

“Don’t play with me, angel” he told you as he stopped kissing you.

You continued to stroke him through his clothes and he was panting and moaning into your mouth. You bit your lip. He was so sexy. You were losing your mind.

He pulled your hand away from his cock and pushed your dress up your body. 

Jeonghan took your panties off and put them in his jacket pocket. From his other jacked pocket, he took out a condom and threw his jacket on the floor. 

He moved down and kissed your thighs and your mound. Close to where you wanted him but not quite there. After a while of this, he started to leave bruises on your thighs. Fuck, you were wetter and wetter.

“I can see you clenching around nothing, angel. Are you that desperate for me?”

“Yes… Hannie, please… No more waiting…” you told him breathlessly.

“Fuck…”

He got up from the sofa and took his pants and underwear off. He moved back to the sofa and started fingering you slowly. He kept kissing your neck and all you did was moan and run your hands through his hair. He started scissoring his fingers inside you. He was impatient and you both knew it had been a while. He wanted to be inside you now and he needed to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt you.

“I love you” you moaned.

He stopped kissing your neck and kissed your lips deeply again. More forceful this time around.

He pulled away.

“I love you too, Y/N” 

He put the condom on and started to tease your hole with his cock.

You whined.

“I don’t want to hurt you, angel. It’s been a while. Let me know if it’s too much, yeah?”

“Just get inside me, please… You’re driving me crazy, Hannie”

“Will you be a good angel for me then?” 

“Always” you moaned and he pushed the head of his cock inside of you. 

He was going slow. Rubbing circles on your clit, kissing you and with every stroke he pushed more of his cock inside you.

You started getting louder as he got deeper inside you.

“Not gonna gag me this time?” you asked and he laughed.

He moved closer to your lips.

“Let them hear it” he whispered and you both laughed together.

You pulled him down for a kiss and he pushed his cock all the way in until he bottomed out. You were moaning together against each other's lips.

After a few seconds, he started his pace.

Short, deep strokes, hitting the right spot. He knew your body so well. He still remembered exactly what to do to drive you crazy. 

You were both loud. Moaning and panting. Not giving a shit about anyone outside of that room.

He grabbed one of your hands and interlaced it with his.

He kept fucking you hard and whispering how much he loved you. You whispered  and moaned it back to him.

You were both close and you knew it.

He increased the pace of his fingers on your clit and increased the pace of his strokes as well. 

You started squeezing his cock and you could feel yourself closer and closer.

Jeonghan squeezed your hand and moved to whisper in your ear.

He told you he loved you but when he said he would never let you go again, it pushed you over the edge and you came. Hard. It felt different this time. More tangible. Stronger. 

When you came down from your high, his strokes were slower and he was looking in your eyes. 

You pulled him in to lay on top of you and held him impossibly close.

Much like he did to you, you whispered in his ear and told him how much you loved him. That you wanted to be in his arms forever. And he emptied himself into the condom with a moan of your name.

This time around you laid there together. Just holding each other.

There was no rush. No weirdness. Just two people that loved each other and had finally found their way back to each other.

You didn’t know what was going to happen in the future. 

You knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Nothing ever is with Jeonghan. But it certainly is worth it.

As you lay there with him you start thinking about the day you left. 

About how you thought you were both just passing through each other's lives. 

 At that time it seemed that way.

He was just a boy creating chaos in your life for a while and you were just a girl that left and used your career as an excuse.

Now you know how wrong you were. How sad and miserable your life would have been without him in it. Without him with you. Just like this. Every day.

You know that from now on, you weren’t just another person passing through each other’s lives. You were everything in each other’s lives. You were both where you belonged.

With each other. Always together, and never to be apart again.

IT’S FINALLY HERE AND IT’S A MONSTER AGAIN Another rollercoaster of emotions 😭 I hope you love this as much as I loved writing it 💕 As usual, please let me know in the comments and such if you enjoyed reading it <3  Thank you for supporting me! Happy holidays! 🎆 CHEERS 🥂

Taglist (if you requested specifically): @woofie-nctzen-fanarts, @lovrchl, @lockburn-castle, @luchiet, @deeznutzaintnutting, @cheesytangerine, @avocifera, @odetoyeonjun, @listxn, @gyubbgist, @cvpidxo, @leicy0756, @sunflowergyeomie, @whore4stucky9104, @bangtanskz, @cecefarm, @staurdvst, @haahydvhkmhhn, @tsukkisdoll, @miniseokminnies, @namjinsworld

[sparta369]

I bought slay the princess but haven’t started it ‘cause it kinda intimidates me, can you convince me to play it?

Ok now I know you just asked me to convince you to play it but hear me out

Don't play it yet

There's a huge, Free Content expansion coming out on the 24th of this month, in just 8 days called The Pristine Cut, which is going to expand the game by about 35%. The Devs themselves have said to wait for the expansion release if you haven't played it already lol

That being said, I'd never pass up an opportunity to gush about one of my favorite games ever created

I realized far too late that I'd accidentally written far more than either of us probably wanted. So I'll try to sparknotes it, and leave the full thing below the cut.

The less you know going in, the better. However, it is still a horror game. You can find a list of content warnings here. It's just a list, so it doesn't really reveal very much.

A single playthrough lasts about 3-4 hours on average, though I can guarantee you'll want to do more than one. The game is positively dense with choices. It's impossible to see everything in one playthrough, and one would be hard-pressed to have the exact same playthrough twice.

Words cannot really capture how much I love this game. It's story masterfully crafted with a vast ocean of choices for the player to make, all of which make a true and profound impact on the narrative. If you enjoyed Disco Elysium or The Stanley Parable, You'll like Slay the Princess. The game was lovingly hand-drawn, pencil on paper, and the music was beautifully composed. The voice acting, featuring the talents of Nichole Goodnight and Jonathan Sims, are also, in my opinion, phenomenal.

I truly cannot express the emotional impact this game has left me with. It's a game I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

Whether you intend to stop here or read on, I'll leave you with this one screenshot. It's only text, and it's literally the second thing you see upon booting up the game, so don't worry about spoilers lmao

"Whatever horrors you may find in these dark spaces, have heart and see them through."

"There are no premature endings. There are no wrong decisions."

"There are only fresh perspectives and new beginnings."

"This is a love story."

Oh boy you clicked the "keep reading" button :o) I wrote this over the course of most of my day today before I realized exactly how long it was. Besides a small change to the end, I'm going to leave most of it un-touched, just for the sake of preserving whatever the hell was going on in my head at the time :o)

Slay the Princess is one of those games where, the less you know going in, the better, So I'll do my best to convince you without revealing anything.

Still, though, It is a horror game. If you would like to look through it just in case, you can find a list of content warnings on their website here. It gives a list of many things you may encounter, but there is a 0% chance that you will encounter all, or likely even half, of the things described in there. In addition, they present these things in a way that reveals as little as possible. Still, I would personally recommend against reading through them, but there's no shame or judgement if you go dig through it. You know yourself better than anybody, if you think ya need it that's fine.

There's also some flickering image effects & a parallax effect that has caused motion sickness for some players, but both of these can be disabled in the settings.

With all that out of the way...

Words truly cannot explain how much I love this game.

It is an absolute masterwork of interactive narrative storytelling. No other game I've played or heard of in my life gives as much weight to every single choice you make, every little thing you do. There are so many choices and possibilities, and not once does the game ever make you feel like you've chosen "wrong." It's impossible to see everything in one playthrough, and you would be hard-pressed to get the exact same playthrough twice. Quite literally, every time I've watched somebody else play the game, they happened upon something I'd never seen before, despite me having 100% of the achievements.

One playthrough usually takes around 3-4 hours, but you will almost certainly want to do more than one.

There are also a number of places where you can safely and logically pause and come back later, should you need to.

The narrative itself is expertly woven. The storytelling is phenomenal, interweaving paralyzing fear with heart-aching beauty, while also carrying a healthy amount of comedy at carefully chosen places. The themes carry through beautifully. I've cried actual tears on more than one occasion, and it's not easy to get that out of me. Slay The Princess is a story that will be a part of my heart for as long as I live.

If you've played and enjoyed Disco Elysium, you'll enjoy Slay The Princess.

If you've played and enjoyed The Stanley parable, you'll enjoy Slay The Princess.

I know that I often struggle with games that require a lot of reading, and that includes a lot of visual novel type games.

Thankfully, the game is, for the most part, fully voice-acted :) The very few bits that aren't voiced are that way for narrative reasons hee hoo

The voice acting itself is, in my opinion, phenomenal. Both actors put their heart and souls into their roles, and their care shows in their performances. The Princess is voiced by Nichole Goodnight & the Narrator is voiced by Jonathan Sims (Who you may recognize from The Magnus Archives, if you were ever into that).

The art of the game is beautiful. It is all lovingly hand-drawn, pencil on paper. Thousands of images, and even a few animations, all coming together to form a wonderfully unique visual style that lends itself well to the game itself.

The soundtrack of this game, composed by Brandon Boone & with vocal performances by Amelia Jones, is absolutely breathtaking. It does a phenomenal job setting and supporting the tone of the game, whether it be tension, fear, hope, joy, or anything between and beyond. I can't put it's beauty into words.

Brandon Boone actually just recently won the "Game Music Award" at the World Soundtrack Awards for his work on Slay The Princess, and I deeply believe that it was 100% deserved.

This is... probably far more than you ever asked for. But I mean it when I say that Slay the Princess is one of my favorite games of all time. I mean it when I say that Slay The Princess is a story that will be a part of my heart for as long as I live. I'll take any opportunity to make more people play it, in hopes that it might impact them even a fraction as much as it has impacted me. I've bought a total of 11 copies of this game (1 for myself, 9 which were distributed to friends, and one that's coming with the Collector's Edition)

As my final word, I'll once again remind you:

"Whatever horrors you may find in these dark spaces, have heart and see them through."

"There are no premature endings. There are no wrong decisions."

"There are only fresh perspectives and new beginnings."

"This is a love story."

[thatfandomslut]

I Can't Quit You

Regina George x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Trigger Warnings: in denial Regina, make-out descriptions

Request:

Valentine's / Followers Celebration; Regina George w/ quote 7 and piece of chocolate 7. Or: “I can't see anything I don't like about you.” w/ falling in love.

Valentine's / Followers Celebration requests are closed.

Regina George was the ice queen of North Shore High School. She implemented fear into her classmates, or subjects, with just one startling look from her cold, blue eyes. If looks could kill, everyone at North Shore would be dead. However, at this moment, Regina found that she was the one terrified. And all because her long-time best friend with benefits smiled at her from across the hall. She swore that her heart now had an irregular heartbeat thanks to the rush it got before it was palpitated. Her face flushed and she experienced an involuntary action of her hand raising unconsciously and waving. When Regina realized what she was doing, her fingers twitched as she quickly turned away to walk into her classroom.

Admittedly, she had never experienced anything like this in her entire life. She had crushed on people before, but this feeling was entirely new. This was more than a simple crush, but she refused to say the diagnosis of this feeling out loud. She was falling in love, and Regina was terrified. When people are in love, they are soft and have a new perspective on life. Why would Regina want that? She couldn't fall in love, she was supposed to marry for money, like her mother did. Still, she couldn't help the giddy feeling flooding her chest as (Y/n) crossed her mind.

When lunchtime eventually made its way around, Regina was still cursing herself for feeling the way she did. She was trying to remind herself that 'love' was for the weak-minded. Regina was not weak-minded. She didn't understand why she couldn't just stop herself from feeling this way. It was easy when it came to Aaron and Shane. Though, she never actually felt anything for them. Why couldn't she just will away the feeling she got when (Y/n) walked into the lunchroom, saying 'hello' to all of her friends? Regina momentarily forgot that she wasn't supposed to be admiring her bright grin, but she couldn't help but fixate on it until their eyes made contact with each other.

"Hello, ladies," (Y/n) approached the Plastics table, everyone greeting her warmly. The only person who didn't speak was Regina, but she did throw a kind smile her way. She was nervous that if she spoke, she would word vomit all of her feelings in front of everyone. She couldn't show weakness in front of the Plastics, nor could she show weakness in front of everyone in the lunchroom. "I was hoping I could politely steal away Regina for just a moment."

Regina got up before following (Y/n) to their usual spot. Typically, they would make out right about now, but neither of them made the move. Instead, they shared a smile. "What's wrong, Regina? You don't really seem like yourself today." Regina was perplexed that (Y/n) noticed such a detail. After all, they didn't share very many classes, so all she had to work off of was limited texts due to class and smiles as they passed each other through the halls. This did not help Regina as she found herself unable to repress the feeling that caused a swarm of butterflies to invade her stomach.

“I can't see anything I don't like about you,” Regina admitted quietly, bracing herself for rejection. Instead, (Y/n)'s brows furrowed in confusion, prompting Regina to continue. Nerves bundled in her chest as she crossed her arms, unconsciously using this as a way to protect herself from her own feelings and fear of rejection. (Y/n), ever so observant, noticed this action as she placed a careful hand on Regina's arm to let her know it was going to be okay. "I'm not someone who falls for others. I'm used to having people fall for me. Then, you came along, we became friends, then more… and, now, I want even more than that. I can't quit you no matter how terrified I am of this feeling."

(Y/n) listened to Regina, shock filling her body as she stared at Regina for a long moment. She felt the same way, she was just surprised that Regina was the one who said it first. "I understand completely. I can't quit you either. Feelings like these are terrifying. But, maybe we can take it slow. We can go on dates, and do more than just make out." (Y/n) suggested gently, hoping this appease Regina. She knew out of the two of them, it would be Regina who would struggle with her feelings. Additionally, she imagined this conversation many times before and this was her best solution to how to help ease any of Regina's fears.

There was a moment of silence as (Y/n) gave Regina the time to think about her words. "We can take it slow, but I don't want to just be friends. I was scared to admit my feelings for you because I thought people might think I was too soft. Truth is, I am, for you. I can't just be your friend. So, if it's okay with you… as we explore this relationship together, can we be a couple?" Regina questioned.

(Y/n) nodded softly, kissing Regina softly. "We can. Does being a couple mean being girlfriends? Or, are we just talking?" She asked softly, her hand still on Regina's arm. Only now, her thumb was rubbing Regina's arm comfortingly as they talked. They've had deep discussions like this before, but this was different. This was about them, not about others or little complaints about their days. Whatever happened next would define them as people for however long they would let it.

Regina took one of (Y/n)'s hands into hers as she smiled softly. She could feel herself falling more in love (Y/n) at just the feeling of their fingertips briefly touching before their fingers laced together happily. "I want to be your girlfriend," Regina confirmed before pressing a gentle kiss onto (Y/n)'s lips. The action was reciprocated happily as the two spent the rest of their lunch hidden away in their usual supply closet. Regina decided that those who considered her weak because she was in a relationship would be in for a wake-up call because, if anything (Y/n) made her stronger.

[mr2swap]

I'm going to stay like Jeremy

-What the fuck is wrong with me?! - I looked down at my big cock now flaccid, I assumed that I would finally lose my virginity at last tonight, but why doesn't it want to work?, I closed my eyes and began to imagine Violet the naked girl who was in the other room, Violet Anderson, the sexiest girl in all of high school, found herself willing to have sex with me, or well at least with my best friend Jeremy.

Jeremy is my best friend, the person to whom I can tell anything, and the biggest stud in all of high school, when I told him that I had a lot of problems losing my virginity, he did not hesitate to help me, we are so confident that I do not hesitate to give me a solution to my problem, swap our bodies.

He found a spell on the internet that when said at the same time by two people would make them switch bodies, so one day after school we went to my house when my mother was at work and in my room we both began to say in unison the strange words of a language that I had never heard. our bodies began to transform.

I continued speaking in that strange language while looking at Jeremy's face, slowly his face became mine as well as the rest of his body and when he finished saying the last sentence in front of me there is an exact copy of my body, look down Jeremy's new look, my Asian features, short stature, even longer messy hair were transferred to him, as was his strong jaw, long legs and thick arms full of protruding veins were transferred to me.

-DUDE! this shit if it worked! you look exactly like me!-he looked up at me surprised to see what the rest of us saw in him, a gigantic muscle, her clothes were too big for her now, while mine was squeezing me a little. -Dude, is that how I sound? - I also said testing Jeremy's voice, I could feel how slowly my tank top was ripping, before it completely ripped I took it off, throwing the stretched piece of clothing into a pile of dirty clothes, although I should probably throw it away in the trash when I return to my body.

Jeremy and I had swapped bodies. We took off our clothes, it was fucking strange to see my body from Jeremy's perspective, my body was quite average, somewhat plump, but I didn't look bad, maybe he was right, and I just need more confidence, now I felt better than I ever felt. Stronger, taller, more hot.

I suddenly felt full of energy, every movement in Jeremy's body was so strong and felt so fast that it was difficult to walk with my powerful legs, we both looked at each other in the mirror that was in front of my room and while Jeremy examined his face With his hands I couldn't avoid doing a push-up with my magnificent biceps - Jesus Christ! a couple of inches more and they are the size of your head! - I said putting one of my mountains next to my old head just to compare the sizes.

Jeremy took off his old shirt that was now too big for him and tossed it to me, his shorts fell off on their own, leaving him in just a pair of boxers that were too big for his new body. We were both fully dressed, we came to an agreement. We would change again after I lost my virginity in his body from him, and he had a little fun with some girl to test how it feels to lose my virginity in my body.

Take his things, the keys to his house, his phone and leave him alone at my house to get used to a bit, I was anxious so, so I wasted no minute and unlocked Jeremy's phone to look at his contact list and to my surprise had been texting Violet the sexiest and most popular girl in high school.

He had only spent 20 minutes in Jeremy's handsome body, and he had already found someone to fuck, Flirting when you are taller, muscular and handsome was really simple … but why DOES NOT GET A FUCKING INCH GET UP THIS DICK?

Everything was going so well until we got to the motel, and she started undressing, when I realized that my little friend was not in the mood to get up at all, I pretended to have diarrhea and ran to the hotel bathroom while the hot girl stayed waiting for me in the bed, all the stress began to affect me and my body began to sweat and get hot from humiliation

-What's wrong with me? - I looked in the mirror, it was the face of my best friend Jeremy, now he was handsome, now he was attractive, now he had huge muscles, now he had a huge cock, why? …

Without realizing it now I had a huge erection as I looked at Jeremy's body, I wanted to stop, go to the side room and fuck the girl who was there, but I couldn't. Flex one of my arms, just to be able to look at him, I put my other hand to my cock and I began to stimulate my cock, I looked at my sweaty armpit and I could not resist dipping my nose into the sweaty dregs of Jeremy, they were so smooth my tongue didn't feel a trace of scratchiness because he used to shave completely for amateur bodybuilding competitions.

It didn't take too long to ejaculate. I was very excited by all the new sensations. I had never felt so good in my whole life even though I just masturbated was the best thing I had ever tried, I fixed my gaze on the mess I had made in the bathroom and at that moment I finally realized -I am… .gay ? - I didn't know what it meant to be gay, but I was sure of one thing. I can't give it back now that I know there's something better than having sex with a hot girl is having sex with your best friend's hot body and loving it properly.

I can't give him back his body from him now that I'm experiencing so much pleasure. I refuse to give up this body and this life, I do n't know how Jeremy will take it but if I can keep his body from him I do n't care, I just hope Jeremy is enjoying being straight, maybe he might like it almost as much as me

Hey folks! if you like bodyswap stories take a look at my Ko-fi, I have a lot of more stories, and you can help me keep creating more stories!

[ahhnini]

kaleidoscope - rafe cameron x reader

warnings - angst, angst, angst

synopsis - rafe and reader were inseparable. that is, until reader confessed her feelings. years pass, the two are no contact. but as it turns out, reader had been talking to him all this time, on a platform she never expected.

rafe cameron x tumblr!user reader

wc - 1.4k

a/n - i apologize if the formatting is a bit messy, i tried to have both of their perspectives.

your heart shattered as rafe ignored your words. you’d messed up everything. what you thought were signs of interest had just been signs of him being friendly to you. that’s all you were to rafe. a friend. so here you were, in the school hallway, sitting down on the floor, eating lunch all by yourself. you’d muffle your sniffles, trying to ignore the stares from everyone passing by, texting your mom to pick you up early from school. as soon as you’d gotten home, you immediately ran to your desktop, ranting about how “boys are stupid” and how you hate being melodramatic to your tumblr blog.

you scoff as you see rafe’s arm around sofia. it’s funny, knowing she’ll be dumped the next month. having just celebrated your sweet sixteenth, you were now old enough to have an island club membership of your own, and that’s where you’d been spending most of your time these days. you stretch your arms outwards, before opening your laptop, logging into the tumblr website. you had gained a pretty sufficient following, and you can’t help but smile at all the people interacting with your blog. huh, that’s weird. there’s someone new trying to message you. it was from one of your longtime followers. opening it, you smile at the kind message.

Hey, I’ve been following your blog since you started, and I’ve been here every step of the way. It’s been so nice seeing you grow.

little did you know that this message would create a long lasting friendship.

another night, another party at the cameron house. you weren’t invited, of course. rafe was throwing it. but to be honest, even if sarah was gonna host, you weren’t gonna show up either way. seeing the strobe lights dance around the estate, you close your curtains, making your way to your bed. you bring your laptop close to you, opening it up to your last tab open, tumblr.

going right to your direct messages, you click your most recent one, a friend you’ve made who liked to be called R. he still hasn’t replied to your message. sighing, you exit out of the chat and check on your page, making a quick new post. you browse the site for a couple more minutes, liking and reblogging, before opening up another tab for netflix, falling asleep to a random show.

the morning sun wakes you up. immediately searching for your phone, you check your notifications, smiling when you see R’s username pop up.

Hey, was busy last night, i’ll make it up to you :)

your smile widens, and you quickly reply,

dw about it!! <3

across the street, rafe’s phone lights up.

you’re awake, he’s hungover. he let out a soft groan, squinting his eyes.

you send another message,

gonna get ready for the day!! + one attachment

even though his head was pounding, he sat up, opening the selfie you sent him.

after that first message all those years back, you and R instantly clicked. even if it had been through the screen, the connection felt…magical. now that you were both nineteen, you’ve realized that you’d grown up with him.

putting your shades on, you lay on the couch of your yacht. all of your friends were busy; you didn’t have anything else better to do. you close your eyes, letting the warmth of the sun be your blanket.

you feel his arms wrap around you, you see his smile, bright and inviting. he kisses your lips, whispering your name. your eyebrows furrow, something was wrong. you push him away, suddenly becoming self aware. rafe didn’t love you, this was a dream. why were you dreaming about him?

you wake up, wiping a tear that fell down your eye. shaking your head, you go to the mini fridge, sipping on a cup of water. you hate to admit it, but you’d been thinking of rafe more often than you’d like. he probably hasn’t thought about you in years; probably forgetting that you existed.

after spending a couple more hours in the sun, you decided to go to the wreck for a quick snack. you ordered your favorite; a chicken sandwich with a chocolate milkshake. sitting down in one of the booths, you open your phone, seeing that R replied to you.

Beautiful, as always.

your cheeks grow slightly red at the compliment. he’d do this often, texting you compliments whenever you’d sent a photo of yourself. it started after you’d posted a rant to your dash about your low self esteem, R doing anything he could to bring your spirits up, even if it had been over the internet. then, when you self-reflected and started growing your confidence, you’d started sending pictures of yourself to him. he’d never send you anything back, though. which bummed you out at first, but you respected his decision.

you two had been planning to meet up for a while, but R was always dismissive with you when you’d ask. a part of you was terrified that you’d been talking to a creepy middle aged man all this time, but those thoughts dwindled away as you got to know each other more. sipping on your milkshake, you decide to follow your impulses, wanting to meet up with the mysterious R as soon as possible.

ik this is kind of random but when do u wanna meet up? we both live in nc so we could meet up in a city somewhere?

shit. rafe was not expecting that. his palms began to sweat, quick fingers moving across his phone screen.

It’s too soon, don’t you think?

no, not at all! we’ve been planning this for months now, all we need is a city and date.

rafe took a deep breath, feeling his headache get worse. deciding to bite the bullet, he replies,

Okay, what about saturday? We could meet up in Raleigh.

sounds good! what time?

Around 11:00 AM work for you?

perfect, so excited to see you, R! <3

fuck. shit. he stood up from the stool he’d been sitting on, running his hands along his head. his breathing quickened as he paced along the kitchen, wondering how he was supposed to face you again.

saturday rolls around quicker than you expected. you were on a ferry, headed to the mainland to meet R. you carried pepper spray just in case he did turn out to be a creepy middle aged man, can never be too safe.

he can see you, sitting down on one of the ferry benches, fidgeting on your phone. he felt like a creep, watching you. god, he wanted to jump into the ocean right now.

after confirming the plans, you both agreed to meet up in a popular restaurant in the middle of town. you’d gotten there a little early, reserving a table for the both of you. you tapped your foot anxiously, looking at all the decor. you were so nervous that you didn’t even realize you heard the chair across from you move, looking up when you heard a deep voice say, “hey, y/n.”

what the fuck.

“r-rafe?!” you whisper-shout, suddenly standing up from your chair. his eyes widen, everyone around the restaurant looking at you two. suddenly becoming embarrassed, you sink down into your seat, looking at your former friend, in shock. “you need to explain. now.” he nods, licking his lips before speaking, “it was stupid. after you confessed freshman year I’d been going through some shit with my dad and I couldn’t handle a relationship yet. so I ghosted you. and everyone else after that,” he scratched the back of his neck, “I should’ve told you right away. you were my best friend, y/n. after everything got sorted out I wanted to talk to you again, but it was too soon. I remembered you made me follow your tumblr account back in middle school, so I looked through your profile, and I felt so bad, knowing I hurt you. it haunted me for years,” he lets out a bitter chuckle, “it took balls for me to message you on there, I was so scared you were gonna find out and block me. but you didn’t. so I kept talking to you…and now we’re here.” he finishes his monologue, playing with the napkin on the table.

“rafe…I don’t know what to say…” you respond, throat becoming dry. he grabs your hands from across the table, gently squeezing them. “you don’t have to say anything. if you don’t wanna continue what we have, that’s fine. at least now you know the truth.”

“so, you were the one giving me those compliments?”

“of course.”

“and you weren’t bullshitting this whole time?”

“why would I? i’ve always found you stunning.”

your ears grow red, pulling your hands away from his.

“I…I need some time. this is all too much,” you stand up again, rushing out of the restaurant, rafe’s calls falling deaf to your ears.

thank you to my irl @vannbao for helping me with this (and feeding into my delusions)!!

taglist - @nemesyaaa @julie123456897 @mfdoomdickrider @grxnde-dwt @maybankslover @dreamygirli3

[jjmorelikeotp]

I cannot believe I only realize this now.

So Riley told Buffy she's one hell of a woman and I get it was a little bit of giving them a soft ending, but it is SUCH A GOOD WRITING.

Buffy is always a little bit between relationships - like I explained in my previous post, until a very certain point she still held on to a small hope even with Angel, WHILE being with Riley, and even when Riley was gone she was waiting for him to return.

She commits to a relationship in such a loyal way while her counterpart never did for 100%. For Angel it was the soul thing, for Riley the solider thing. But for Spike, he committed fully to her even before they had anything besides tension. // And she was mourning the relationship she said they never had (watch them at the wedding) and acts as if they had an actual breakup. For the first time, it is an actual relationship and not a rough cut, (Angel lost his soul and then left, Riley was hurt and left suddenly as well) so in a way, Spike is giving her a first time of a normal experience in that sense.

An actual breakup. And yet, he doesn't leave Buffy's life.

But let's get to the "hell of a woman" part.

When Riley tells it to Buffy, he kind of still says it in a self centered way, a way he still talks about it how HE sees her. And it ends their relationship for real this time, putting an end to the "maybe, one day", that Buffy held in her til that.

He said that to maybe make her feel better, even though it was genuine. It took him one year to get fall in love and get married, making it possible with a woman who has the same job as him and, how convenient, has to follow his orders even though she is just as strong. His wife is sweet and fits him, don't get me wrong, but she is comitted to his SYSTEM, as in, the rules, she does not make him question it or hold him responsible for himself. And that is what Buffy never did - she did not commit to his system or let him have a dominant part in it.

Buffy IS one hell of a woman, but Riley says it like he is talking about HIS experience with HER.

What Spike does is accepting Buffy's system even though he has a hard time understanding it because he knows what it's like to be twisted and have darkness inside. He RESPECTS her system and he describes it TO HER.

He takes himself out of the picture because he can actually observe her being without him, alone, over the years, from different perspectives. From hate, to confusion, to love, lust, pain. He knows she is someone even without him in the picture (which also scares him) and yes, Angel did that too, but he did not see her as an equal.

So while Riley tells Buffy "You're one hell of a woman", it is the end of something, but when Spike tells Buffy, it isn't even about how HE sees her. Or how they were together.

Angel was in his personal hell. His soul. He saw it as a punishment. Riley saw Buffy as HIS personal hell.

And Spike? Spike stands in that hell with her because he realizes it is part of her darkness sometimes, but also, sometimes, it has nothing to do with her. Or him. He knows it is there wether he is there with her or not.

That is the actual moment where something starts. It is a new beginning.

And tHat is SUCH a casual slip in that I haven't seen ANYONE talk about it before. Because it's a parallel people barely even see.

[ilikekidsshows]

Have you seen the Sublimation leaks? Pretty much the entire episode has been leaked by now and people have made a 19 minutes super cut xD I'm asking cause I don't want to send an ask about Sublimation if you haven't seen it and don't want to be spoiled

---

The entire episode came out while I was busy answering the ask game and I checked it out to respond to this ask properly . But, for future reference: unless it’s a show I’m liveblogging it’s open to spoil.

Okay, so the episode went just like I predicted with Marinette easily forgiven. Even before I saw the whole thing, I saw the collected clips and I could smell the upcoming Marinette validation in the final scenes. And yet, just like this show does time and time again, it's still worse than even what I prepared for. Of course the episode couldn't just be "Marinette gets forgiven without her having to do anything", of course her saying sorry and making reparations aren't just things she does after being forgiven, like she's the one rewarding her victims for their good behavior of forgiving her. No, they had to go even further and end the episode with Marinette's victim coddling her over her "friendship fears".

This episode is so manipulative in how hard it leans on the audience to pity Marinette throughout. Like, seriously, her Lucky Charm calls her the villain? The amount of self-pity there goes way beyond all the other cases of Marinette acting like this that have come before. Little miss “if I make myself miserable asking me to make up for what I did wrong would be cruel” now has her own superpowers take part in her self-flagellation just to make sure no one with the actual right to be mad at her gets there first.

Marinette always does this. She makes a mistake and rather than think of a way to make up for it, she calls herself the worst and whines. “The Lucky Charm pointed her out as the villain” is not Marinette facing consequences or the episode treating her as in the wrong. It’s once again Marinette being her own worst critic whenever she does something wrong, to make sure the audience feels bad for her first and foremost so that they can instantly forgive her even when she never actually learns. “Marinette loves to learn,” my ass. “The villain was me” is just “I’m the worst Guardian” with a new coat of paint.

The important part is that the person with the right to be mad at Marinette, Sublime, had already forgiven her before Marinette even had her little villain realization. Just because a character says something that’s right on paper doesn’t mean it’s being presented as the correct perspective in the episode. It depends on that framing I’ve been harping on about. So, while Sublimation rightfully chewed Marinette out, all the scenes before her Akumatization have her acting entitled, cold and harsh, calling Sublime’s dad a failure and getting on his case for coddling her when he merely offers her a balancing hand and not taking Sublime’s opinions on things into account. In all these scenes, her husband talks calmly while she’s snapping; the writers intend her to come across as misguided or downright unreasonable. This makes it so that her yelling at Marinette comes across as her just being unreasonable again and like we’re meant to see her as being mean, especially because Marinette also looks the saddest in the episode specifically when Sublimation is yelling at her. To further make Sublimation's points worthless, her power to make people the best version of themselves doesn't work on Marinette because she already "perfect". If she's already so perfect, then why does she keep doing this shit?

The only characters calling Marinette out are herself, in her typical “I’m the worst” fashion, and a “jerk-coded” character whose opinion we aren't supposed to respect. This was already visible in the leaked scenes and made it very clear to me that Marinette wouldn’t be suffering any real consequences for what she did, her feeling guilty is meant to be the consequence and punishment. And I was proven correct. When Sublimation is dealt with, no one is mad at Marinette anymore, because being mad at her is what villains do. It doesn’t matter that Marinette claims she was in the wrong because she does it in an overly exaggerated manner that the viewer won’t take seriously. It doesn’t matter that the other characters have a “this is going to end poorly” attitude about Marinette’s nonsense, when they’re clearly pitying Marinette and not her target. It doesn’t matter that Marinette gets called out when the character doing it is the supervillain in an altered state of mind we’re supposed to see as unreasonable.

This episode is so disrespectful towards Sublime. No one voices concern over whether or not she would need to be protected from the downfall of Marinette’s shenanigans, all Tikki, Alya and Trixx are concerned with are that Marinette will come out of this smelling like roses with that “mistakes are an opportunity to earn and Marinette loves to learn” nonsense. Yeah, Marinette loves mistakes because no one is ever concerned with the people those mistakes hurt! Sublime should not be getting treated as a teaching aid in universe, when she’s supposed to be a person Marinette wants to befriend. Like, it’s clear she only wants to befriend Sublime for control freak reasons to make sure she isn’t talking to Adrien behind her back, considering how obsessed she is with that thought, but that is still the stated end goal.

Speaking of, Sublime should not have wanted to be friends with Marinette no matter if Adrien told her she has difficulties making friends, her reaction to Ladybug shattering her legs should not have been “I’m okay!” She should want to stay away from Marinette’s clearly unbalanced ass. She should have been pissed at Ladybug, it was her right. But, no, she couldn’t possibly be upset about any of that because being upset at Marinette is what bad people do and Sublime is a good person and good people always put Marinette’s feelings before their own. It’s a good thing Marinette’s Miraculous Ladybug can fix any damage caused by anyone on the same day a villain fight happens or otherwise she couldn’t have rewarded Sublime and her family for being such good people who forgave her before she could even apologize or make reparations.

Also, if I got cornered by my new friend’s stalker girlfriend alone in a dressing room, I’d book it, not offer to talk about whatever she wanted to talk about to make her comfortable with me. Everyone in Miraculous is either a master of emotional control, or they get Akumatized, except, of course, for Marinette, who can do whatever messed up thing she comes up when she's having an emotion and she will be instantly forgiven because she was just being emotional. Well, in the real world, sometimes, when you do messed up things because of your emotions, another person's emotions make them yell at you for it, and they'll be right to do so.

The fact that Marinette did all that and is getting rewarded with the friendship she wanted at the start of the episode and more coddling from her victim just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Marinette’s magical powers of super convenience fixed her mistakes as a superhero and her super perfect therapist boyfriend's damage control saved her civilian reputation, not her own actions. And she still dared to be upset when she heard that Sublime had been talking with Adrien behind her back, because god forbid Adrien spend time with people who are not Marinette or a part of Marinette’s posse. What is Marinette teaching kids in this episode? That it’s okay if you fuck up and act like a menace as long as you say “I’m sowwy, I don’t deserve to be our friend”. Still keeping up the trend of teaching kids exactly how to manipulate people into forgiving you, I see.

[bouquetface]

Vedic Astro 1

Accuracy influenced by entire chart.

Sun in Scorpio 2nd H

In Vedic this can result in having karma related to the father. This can manifest in many ways. Ex: Father steals from you, Father refuses to provide or nurture, Father needs money from you at some point - needs money for a medical treatment, etc.

Sun will rule your 11th house if you have this placement in vedic. This shows you value your friendships. Throughout your life, your social network will help you. However, due to the sun’s nature, you may not always be grateful for it. Especially in your younger years.

Ex: Your friend tries to help you find a job. In the moment, you don’t realize that your friend is being very caring towards you. Rather, you feel the job isn’t appealing or you feel it’s not that big of a deal that the friend has found a job for you.

As a result, due to scorpio’s karmic nature, you now end up in a situation where a friend is acting entitled towards you. In a different friendship, you may end up being used - possibly financially.

Ex: You pay for your friend’s meal, they never return this favour. Rather they act entitled & ungrateful about it. They act as if you owe them these meals. This upsets you as you have gone out of your way to be kind.

This isn’t to say you are a bad person who has bad karma. It is simply the karmic scale balancing itself. For your placement it is likely the karma involves social network, money & family specifically the father & his side.

When wrong is done to you, the scale will balance itself too.

In Vedic, scorpio is ruled by Ketu & Mars. Ketu can make you generous. You may enjoy giving gifts or making gifts for your friends & family. Ketu is strengthened when you are kind in this way. This is because Ketu does not want more. Now, this doesn’t mean you should donate all your money and always be a saint. Rather you should strive to be kind and helpful (not even financially just in general) when you can. This can help bless you with opportunities. Especially since your 11th (social circle, networking) & 2nd (finances) are connected.

Good news about 11th ruler in 2nd is it indicates you will have good wealth. This doesn’t always mean you’ll be a millionaire. It means you will always be pretty stable - the basic needs are always met. Ex: You could make a huge mistake like quitting your job without another one lined up. You could struggle to find a new job. Yet, you will be taken care of. You will have a family or spouse who supports the basic needs while you become stable again.

Accuracy will be influenced by the entire natal chart.

Rahu in 5th House

This is an indicator of attraction to those from other religions, ethnicities, nationalities.

This indicates having many children as well. I know someone with this placement who told my grandma they would never have kids. Yet, they ended up with many. Possible manifestations are: 1 - Simply having many kids. 2 - Having step kids along with your own kids. 3 - Adopting kids.

There is a scandalous side to the 5th H. I’ve seen rahu in 5th in a man’s chart & he just recently revealed he’s having a kid with his mistress.

Of course astro doesn’t make you do anything. It does indicate in his chart, he is someone who struggles with being satisfied when it comes to his own pleasure.

Accuracy for everyone is dependent on the ENTIRE chart. Looking at one placement or aspect is barely helpful when it comes to life prediction.

Jupiter in 10th House

Generally, this indicates the father is a teacher. The father may influence your career choice. The father may be highly educated himself.

If Jupiter is in neutral signs, the father is a neutral figure (both good & bad traits). If Jupiter is exalted in Cancer, it indicates the father is a strong presence. Someone you admire and look up to. You adapt their beliefs - religious, political, life perspective, etc.

Now if you feel this doesn’t resonate, check for sun and saturn position as well. For ex: Saturn in 9th can indicate a strain between father and child. Sun in scorpio can indicate karma between father and child.

So sometimes regardless of if you have an exalted Jupiter in 10th, the father can be more of a lesson on what you DON’T want to be.

Jupiter in 10th can give you a career where you are looked at as a teacher. You could be a literal teacher or teach newcomers in the field. People see you as reliable and knowledgeable.

Jupiter represents husband in vedic astrology too. In 10th, it shows you may meet in a work/professional setting.

You must consider the entire chart when looking for accuracy.

Rahu in 7th House

This is another indicator of attraction to people from different backgrounds. (Religious, ethnic, nationality.) High chance you marry a foreigner.

These people love relationships. You can hate being single. You need a partner to feel good about yourself. It can be obsessive thoughts & even fear. When will I find someone? Why can’t I find someone? What if I don’t ever find someone?

Good side is you can be highly intuitive. Especially when in a water sign. You are simply in tune with what other people need & want. This can make you very good at business that involves working with people.

This placement can indicate being cheated on or being the cheater. I have seen it both ways. 7th house is other people, however it aspects the first house which is you. Thus, you may be the one who can be deceitful. You or the partner may love attention from opposite sex. They need that validation and may do immoral things to get it.

Even when cheating is not involved, often these people find after marriage their partner was hiding something. Not necessarily a negative thing. Sometimes it’s a personal thing from their past - they didn’t feel comfortable sharing until much later. Or it’s something neutral, they weren’t consciously hiding this thing to be deceitful. You are always learning something due to your spouse.

I know many with this placement personally. For 2 of them, they were cheated on not the cheater. & 1 person is someone who I know would not cheat and to their knowledge has not been cheated on. A well placed rahu, or well placed 7th H ruler can give good results. Like this person, they are dating someone from a different religion & they plan on converting. Nothing bad in their connection.

However, if I am to be truthful, I know someone with placement who always seemed like they would never cheat or lie. Yet, later in life, things changed them. In their 40s, this man left his wife AND KIDS to marry his mistress.

Don’t take it personally or feel fear due to other people’s experiences. Accuracy is influenced by the entire chart.

Scorpio Mars in First house

Mars is connected to your aries 6th house. This can indicate intense relationship with mother’s siblings. They may strongly dislike you. Or you do things that feel like an obligation for them.

At some point in life, you may change your appearance or life direction drastically. Reasons vary sometimes you realize you have self sabotaging behaviours and must heal. Other times it can be due to an illness or injury that changes you. You could undergo a surgery. It may be needed or cosmetic.

Also, one thing I noticed is all these people’s births were significant. They either were extremely intense births such as being a first birth. OR a surprise birth, the mother was expecting the baby to be born a week later but the baby came sooner. Other ex: 1 person needed an emergency c section. 2nd person was so big they cut their mom open, she needed stitches.

Mars is a “cutting” energy so when in the first house, it can indicate cuts in your body or you leave a mark or cut on other people. This can manifest as being an aggressive person. You may experience physical abuse or assault someone else. However, this is an extreme example of what can be.

Accuracy is influenced by the entire chart.

Aquarius Moon in 6th House

People you help will  become your enemy. Enemy is kinda corny and dramatic but what I mean is people you provide emotional + physical support for will turn against you. It can be friends, coworkers, siblings/family, lovers, etc. They will become jealous and hateful towards you. 

Ex: You introduce a friend from work to your social circle because they seem lonely. That friend will attempt to turn your social circle against you. They may gossip/spread lies about you. They will not recognize the good you did by inviting them into your social circle. Rather they will try to take your spot.

These people must be cautious of who they let in their life. With pisces as your 7th house, you gravitate towards helping people. You must keep in mind not everyone deserves your help. Some will want to bring you down/drain you of your compassion.

Generally, aqua moon in 6th people are focused on their health. Later in life, they often become routine-based. They develop healthy habits. Sometimes, it can be an illness or injury that triggers this health journey. 

If you have an elder siblings, they may either become an enemy or distant from you. However, if well placed, they may help you in times of struggle.

Ex: I know someone with this whose older sister helped get her a job interview when she was unemployed.

Accuracy influenced by entire chart.

[yayasvalveplay]

https://www.tumblr.com/yayasvalveplay/774668454910443520/httpswwwtumblrcomyayasvalveplay7746063543683?source=share

GAHH I'm having brain rot over this ❤️ I came for robot porn–STAYED FOR ANGST 😭

Like what if D-16 was too late? Or Orion decided that since today will be his last day–he talks, he has energy for now. Where despite planning to leave; knowing that if he talks to D, whatever will he has to leave might diminish— he shouldn't–not with their sparkling on the line. BUT HE STILL GOES TO TALK BECAUSE HE LOVES AND MISSES D. Orion at least wants to lessen his worries for once, just for now.

Instead of D-16 following Orion all the way to the alcove to confront him. ORION CONFRONTS D— he suddenly wants to talk to him, he wants to clear some things up with his best friend, to try to explain lie — that everything is fine or going to be fine... he just gained perspective, that he realized D was right, that he needed to be more careful and more responsible. Honestly anything Orion trying to explain his truth as he rubs his servo on his abdominal plate; he was just working too hard and focused too much. He talks.

However, it's clear though that Orion isn't sharing everything. Despite D-16 clearly wanting to know/demand more; he's already gotten more from Pax than he has in all this time Orion has been withdrawn. his stupid annoying cute lively energetic friend looks so tired. But he appears genuinely happy tearfully so even to be talking to D again—D-16 can't help but take it in, he can't ruin this. Sure he's mad and worried but his amica his other half is talking to him again and internally; D feels so emotionally relieved over this... that he's willing to at least let it slide for a little bit... he'll talk more with Pax later. He comes to regret this so much. For now; D-16 makes sure Orion gets his rest before shutting his optics, the blue and red mech the last image as D falls asleep...

D-16 wakes up to an empty berth infront of him. Orion isn't at work. No one has seen Orion and there isn't a hint of him anywhere. The thought that he went off to do his shenanigans once again is there from a couple of bots, more like a self-assurance. He'll be back. Except they were wrong. The sudden disappearance of the trouble making blue and red mech is far too noticeable among the miners. But what can they really do? They can't go searching for him, they wouldn't be allowed, can't break protocol–

D-16 really really tries whatever he could do to find Orion... he interrogates other miners, asks if they had talked to Orion- ANYTHING... but he's gone, his Orion is gone and D-16 has genuinely never felt so angry so hurt, why did pax leave?! And yet- so terrified and distraught over his Pax. It doesn't take long for the empty spot where his best friend use to be, right across from D-16— to be filled in and replaced immediately by another miner. Another cog in the machine. Someone else is sleeping in Orion's berth.

For how D-16 finds out about the sparkling, because this is Orion Pax of fucking course, D finds a datapad right on top of his berth-JUST ABOVE HIS HELM BECAUSE ORION WOULD LEAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT THERE. It's a farewell note from Orion, how nothing was D-16's fault for Orion choosing to leave, that he'll be okay, etc.

This is where D finds about about the sparkling, but its not enough to fully know and thus begins how D-16 pulls an Orion and sneaks to find out more!

Lmao ya. Welcome to what this blog is. You think it's just porn but nope, we put plot and lore into our porn.

I also love all of this. Orion just dissapering and he gets replaced just as quickly. What if the bot tries being friendly with Dee but he's cold, and shut down, snapping at the new bot whenever he approaches.

Elita is also worried, for both her best working boys.

Jazz is worried for Orion and confined in Dee.

This just solidifies his need to pull an Orion and get more information from the Archives.

Imagine his first time getting caught.

"This is the last time Oreon prax- wait who are you?"

"Your new worst fragging nightmare." Before running.

Orion is up on the surface. He just picks a direction and just goes. He's walking for weeks with breaks to refuel and inseminate Dee's transfluid.

And by some miracle the high guard find him.

[solarwynd]

The way the BP members are being well promoted and preforming everywhere really puts in perspective how little Hybe has been doing for every member that isn't Jungkook. This is how a member of one of the biggest groups in the world should be promoted. BTS members should be getting more than BP even, but instead they're being treated like they're the members of a random 4th gen boy group. I think so many fans have gotten too used to the bare minimum, they don't realize that this isn't the norm, that any other artist in this level is being given ten times more. If you show a western artist and their label Jimin's promotions and the amount of time he was given to promote and they would be appalled. Like Crazy was given nothing and Who is barely getting anything. Jimin had one fucking week to promote an album he spent months working on. Like, I need people to stop and think about that again cause I feel we forget how insane that was. Look at any other artist and how long they normally promote their albums for. Jimin had one week. Not one month, one week. I'm going to saying it again because it's so ridiculous: One week. ONE! And armys think this is normal?! How low are standards at this point that this is considered not a big deal? That getting a few extra remixes and covers (that are only useful if you already have a lot of fans willing to buy and stream) is considered peak privilege even though those things don't help introduce the song to anyone that isn't a fan. That is not promotion. Do these people know the meaning of the word promotion? You don't need to promote to people that are already fans. Which is why that Instagram channel (that is of course already being used for another member because Jimin has never actually been privileged and nothing he is given is ever exclusive to him) can't be called promotion. You know things are bad when people think privilege is a fucking Instagram channel that no one but fans that already follow them would even know exists. Do armys think this is 2013 and BigHit is a small little company that can't do much for their artists so it's up to the fans to do all the work? Do they not realize Hybe is a huge company worth billions of dollars? Jimin asking his multi-billion company (that he helped get that rich in the first place) for 4 music videos is not in fact a demand so crazy he needs to apologize for even daring to ask it. To even talk about budget when not only does Hybe already have so much money but Jimin constantly makes them even more is absolutely ridiculous. In one day he made them at least 11 million dollars (definitely more) with a documentary that cost almost nothing considering it was all recorded by SGMB themselves, had simple editing, didn't have any promotion other than posting about it on their own social media and was released in a platform Hybe already owns, meaning all the money goes straight to them. And in return Hybe gave him a fanmeet that looked like it cost maybe a 100 dollars. They were being stingy with the number of fucking balloons on his livestream, that company is actually unhinged.

I know this is has already been said before but sometimes is just hits me how incredibly incompetent Hybe is and how ridiculous it is that armys will try to convince us that this is all normal and we're crazy for thinking Hybe should be doing more.

I’ve seen armys complain about BTS’ lack of promotion before. (mostly where it concerned nwjs but still) Outside of that though, they’ve definitely always prized the fact that BTS got their accolades despite BH not doing anything for them. It was their prime dragging material for years towards western and other kpop artists.

But now, the complacency definitely comes from the fact that they don’t see that there’s anything wrong with the inequality between JK and the other members. Not a new development, it’s been discussed before. They’re never gonna call it out because it would mean having to face the fact that everything that has happened in chapter 2 completely goes against OT7ness BTS themselves have crafted, criticize their favorite member and realize that they’re complicit in turning a blind eye to that same inequality in spite of their own 7 or nothing mentality.

And as long as HYBE knows that armys will be there to provide adequate returns, they’re not gonna do anything substantial for the other members. Since it makes them feel like they don’t need to. (This especially goes for Jimin.)

So it’s not incompetence. Bang knows how the music industry operates and what it takes to successfully navigate it. You see how they magically gained the ability to provide prompt links, CDS for both pre release and title tracks (with an additional version) pre orders and pre saves for Jin. Whereas it took their mess getting aired out on national news for them to give Jimin much of anything. And since Jimin is still able to produce stellar results with the meager aid he receives, armys and all these other solos still think that he’s the most favored member. That’s also why even with discussing the inequality the other members receive in comparison to JK, I still can’t find it in me to group them with Jimin’s inequality cause it’s still night and day. He’s still the only member really getting fucked over.

That’s why the constant gaslighting armys will do like chalking it up to jealousy everytime someone points it out, or either make it a “western industry” or a collective BTS issue really exhausts me at an atomic level.

[shoezuki]

rambling bout divinity au in the wake of the new fic:

sampo Did in fact wipe gepards memory of that night. but at this point in the rough timeline i have in mind sampo has fucked w gepards memory So Much and hes... not really good at it like thats fuli's job. so gepards building up a resistance

sampo has a tendency to wipe geps memory a Lot and often for stupid shit. like mid chase sampo trips and eats shit? oo thats embarassing cant have gep remembering that.

(another fic idea is the first chase where gepard actually catches sampo and sampo is so flustered he causes a localized ecological disaster around em and accidentally grows plants n flowers around gepard and then wipes geps memory)

gepard 100% knows that sampo was the one who arrested elias/the dude who stabbed him. he knows that sampo somehow got around all of their guards and security. he knows sampo tried to mess with his memory somehow.

i dont want gepard to seem like an airhead in this. kind of hard to balance it because his obliviousness to aeonic influences is central to the whole au but at the point of this fic. he Knows theres something not 'right' w sampo

at this point gepard knows sampo isnt human or has some inhuman things going on. hes decided its not relevant to the records against him and refuses to mention it or allude to it.

serval was mentioned for exactly 1 line but i have a fic planned from her perspective. she knows sampo isnt human and does her own investigations against him which leads to her butting hands with natasha. pela also knows 'something' is up w sampo but moreso about how sampo feels bout gepard.

gepard shuts down all insistances that sampo is abnormal esp from serval and pela because he doesnt want anything to change for sampo. its sort of his own way of being protective

i cut out that segment where sampo goes to natasha before finding elias but my idea is that sampo goes to natasha for comfort very often. they have a strong mutual understanding and shes kinda like an older sister/maternal figure sometimes to him

(his 'childhood' was shit and he sees his own experiences in the underworld children. so hes envious of how nat treats them lovingly because he never had that and has never had any supportive older figure considering hes not human)

i loved writing the segment with lan because lan's origins as an aeon are interesting to me.

considering lan rose to aeonhood from a hatred for Yaoshi, how sampo felt when spiralling in his anger towards elias is how lan 'feels' all the time. Lan is an aeon but is a very... emotion based aeon.

thats why lan reached out to sampo but never aha. he could feel sampos anger and relate to it. (lan's message was almost a warning as well as a jab at sampo being 'weak')

sampo thinks gepard is an emanator of qlipoth but hes so wrong.

sampo considers making gepard his emanator. he wouldnt though. if he was aha? absolutely. but hes human now and knows doing something like that and altering gepard without his knowledge would be a betrayal. gepard isnt suited for elation anyways

people who know sampo isnt exactly human: gepard, natasha, serval

people who know sampo is so down bad for gep: pela, seele, natasha

i dont think anyone fully realizes hes an aeon though. because thats so unimagimable. nat is the closest though

[nathandrakeisabottom]

Headcannons about them with an anxious SO? Love your stuff x

Thank you, friend! Now, in full canonical honesty, I don’t believe that either Nathan or Sam would be particularly good at dealing with their deeper anxiety, let alone someone else’s, let alone someone else’s who they loved dearly and would only be afraid to make it worse (that many crumbling bridges and a guy’s gotta if consider his only superpower is the ability to destroy everything he touches) for most of their young lives. 

However, I do believe that post-UC4 (perhaps a little earlier for Nathan), and a good dose of necessary therapy (paid for in pirate coins, of course)--- they’d be more than willing to finally take on the challenge. 

For themselves, and for the person they love more than anything.

Drakes with an Anxious S/O Headcanons

Nathan:

In his younger days, the prince of the awkward smile and half-hearted clap on the back. A pulley doll whose only catchphrases were “Man, that’s hard”, “Yeah. Yeesh.”, and “Soooo, I guess this would be a bad time for a joke, huh?”. Scurries to the bathroom as soon as they’re not in tears anymore, and stays there for as long as it takes to stop hearing the residual sobs.

However, his late 30s and 40s bring him a much healthier perspective (and therapy— Jesus, finally) and being the smarty pants he is, he passes on no opportunity to put his new skills and knowledge to use.

That playfulness and desire to find the lightness in even the hardest situations never leaves him at any age, though.

A panic attack? “‘Is something… wrong with you’? You realize you’re talking to the guy who accidentally destroys ancient temples for a living, as an archaeologist? And I still consider myself a not so bad guy. So in my eyes, you’re basically a lesser known Mesopotamian god.”

Got a bad grade? “A D in Psychometrics? I don’t know, sounds like they don’t know anything about math if they’re using a letter to grade you. Maybe they should go get their teaching certificates checked. Hey, how ‘bout I just draw you a PhD myself? You know I have an eye for art.” 

Dealing with shitty parents? Landlord? Roommates? Exes who won’t leave you the fuck alone? “What? That buffoon? Guy who can’t even spell their own name right? That asshole isn’t worth a thought of a thought of a thought in your head. Pretty sure they haven’t had a thought in their own head since 1996.”

As soon as the first wide-toothed smile is won, he’s leaning into his partner with a secretive smirk: “Ya wanna get the hell out of here?” 

Because distractions always helped him before. 

Will act especially gentlemanly, and theatrically play it up, while taking their partner for a frozen yogurt, antique shop, Target trip, public park, laser tag (yes, really) decompress. Bows when he opens the car door for them. Pays for everything. Calls them ‘your majesty’ for the entirety of the excursion.

All he wants is to get them to smile. And he’s not stopping until he sees it. 

When the night creeps in and his S/O starts to lose steam, Nathan’s own worry grows more obvious, though he tries his best to keep it to himself. 

Watches them with wide eyes. Gives them space, but still asks every few minutes if they need a cup of water. No? Tea? Arnold Palmer? Popsicle? Massage? Hot Pocket? Sexy pillow fight? However many it takes to make his partner laugh again. But he fully means every offer he gives.

Says nothing as he helps them undress and into their PJs. Touches are tender and intimate, gently rubs their shoulders and neck. Never too hard, never too direct. Plays the friendly ghost and lets their partner take the lead, but never, ever just sits around to watch.

Makes them a beverage of some sort, even if they say no. Hot lemonade with honey is his personal homecure. Says yellow is a happy color, so it must be good for you.

And right before they turn the lights out, Nate timidly offers— with a shy, trying chuckle— if they want him to read them a bedtime story. 

Somehow shocked every time they say yes. Mumbles something self-derogatory about himself (“Ya know, not the best actor, but—” “Personally I think I have the voice of a dying goose, but—”) before sitting on the nearest surface and cracking open a book.

If he’s still feeling a little awkward, will uneasily ask if they wanna hear what he’s been reading lately, and will do so if asked— but really wants to read the pirate storybooks his mother read to him and Sam when they were kids.

It always made him feel better when the world felt too big, too scary, too cruel. 

So he wants to share it with the person he loves. 

He wants to share everything with the person he loves.

And without even asking, goes to the medicine cabinet and brings them a tablet of whatever they need when the anxiety gets especially bad, and says “I know, it’s scary. But we’ve been through scary before, right?” with a kiss on the cheek as they swallow it down with a sip of lemonade.

Lingers, eyes down, and vaguely nods to nobody as he stands and walks to the door.

“Want me… uh, want me to keep reading to you?” But he offers before he can even get past the door frame. 

“Do you want me to want you to keep reading to me?” 

And the last thing he wants to see is his love, alone. The idea of them crying beneath the covers because they were too afraid to burden him with it, too afraid to be seen. Everything he felt he had to do when he was 6 and his mother “passed”, age 9, 10, 11, 12 after a black eye, the words that his brain told him wrong: spoken aloud by the playground bullies he feared he’d never be stronger than. 

But he knew they were wrong. The bullies were wrong. The ones in his brain. The ones in theirs.

“Yes.” He replies without missing a beat. 

And he makes sure to hold their hand in his free one until the second they fall asleep… and a few hours after, just to be safe.

The next morning they fucking better expect breakfast in bed— and he maybe, just maybe, might even be willing to spring for McDonald’s, if that’s what they want. As long as they promise to eat actual fruit after. And hell, maybe even a vegetable or two when he makes dinner that night. Did you know that eating right and exercise are actually primary solutions to poor mental health—? That’s what Dr. Dorian said— No, potatoes don’t count as a vegetable— no, especially not if it’s fried— NO, FRENCH FRIES DON’T COUNT, BABY—

Sam:

Sam takes a bit longer to warm up to discussing anxiety than Nathan does, mostly due to struggling so deeply with it on his own. It’s not like prisoners (or Shoreline guards) made the most comforting companions. 

The better he could keep secrets, the less he could reveal, the safer he’d be.

So it makes sense that it’s both his greatest strength and weakness when it comes to emotionally turbulent times. 

In his younger, more avoidant years, he’d be the first to leave the room, leave the building, hell, sometimes even leave the city after a particularly heavy cry or confrontation with his then-partner. Only to come back the next morning and act like nothing ever happened. 

But now, he doesn’t run. After prison, after Rafe, after Madagascar, all he wants is to be allowed to stay. To be wanted to stay by someone who loves him. 

Is happiest to just sit with you in the silence. His biggest skill is his ability to weather the storm. And whether you need to scream bloody murder, or need to sit and decompress and just fucking feel, but can’t do it alone, Sam’s there. Listening. 

Once you’re done talking, he takes one last, long drag of his cigarette, stubs it out onto the pavement, and asks simply: “So do you want solutions… or something else, sweet’art?” 

You can see in his eyes— darting less than solid, certain against your own— that he really means it, in every way that he was too afraid to when he was younger.

The wonderful and terrifying thing about having anxiety while Sam is there is that it’s a vulnerable experience for the both of you. He’s learning, discovering, trying right along with you. And he may not be able to lift you up so easily, but he’ll be able to sink into the dark places with you, and not be afraid to see what’s down there. 

And maybe seeing someone he loves so deeply, sees as so beautiful, so smart, so kind, so wonderful, so absolutely perfect to him feel the same ways he does about himself… maybe it makes him think that he’s not as terrible as his brain tells him, either. 

Helps you take action by letting himself (finally) not be the smart one: “When ya… get like this, what do you usually do first, sweet’art? Paint me a pit’chure.” Gives you complete control, and smiles softly when you wipe your tears and the logical, the archaeological mind awakens. Mimics unraveling an ancient map when you begin to explain, and you inadvertently hiccup out a laugh. 

At times, it’ll feel like he’s trying to run again, but when he stands up and walks across the room— he always returns. This time with your favorite of his jackets, the denim one that smells like him even though he just cleaned it, and drapes it protectively over your shoulders. Clasps his palm at the back of your neck and rubs out the knot he always finds there. Smiles toothy and wide when your words are broken up by sighs of relief. Only to be filled once again with silence, gazes meeting sweet and safe. 

“Remember Indonesia?” He offers with a smirk, despite your furrowed brow.

“I guess? What about—?” 

“I read the runes’ instructions and ran us in circles all around Bali, only to reread the transcript and realized I got three letters completely wrong. J—V—A. Java. It was goddamn Java the entire time.” 

“Your point being?” 

He smiles and shrugs. Trying. Maybe he’s wrong, a foreigner in some ancient, uncertain land, but he tries.

“Sometimes our brains are just wrong.” He tries for you. “That’s all.”

You sniffle, and he leans in to press a prickly kiss to your cheek. His jacket is still warm from the dryer, wafting with the residual sting of cigarette, Old Spice Captain, cheap mouthwash, even cheaper aftershave, and something else completely unnameable. 

And maybe some others would think the scent appalling, but it’s the strangeness, the specificity, and yes, the stank— everything that makes Sam him— that makes you love it. Love him. The depth. The difference. 

The pain, and what he chose to do with it. 

Another kiss, this time down your neck. This time, the sigh of relief is his own.

What he chose to change it into. 

“So… any chance sex therapy might be a thing?” He asks grinningly.

“Why don’t we find out, ‘sweet’art’?”

[velvet-gloom]

My first playthrough of P5R had me max out Makoto’s romance literally the day before stealing Sae’s heart and now I’m just imagining what that whole experience must have been like for them

They confess their feelings after growing closer and then have just enough time for a night together before doing their most dangerous heist, both knowing that if things go wrong, they’ll never see each other again. Makoto can’t stop worrying about all the shit the police are doing to Ren, and more than anyone she’s afraid when she sees the news about his apparent suicide. Then she finally gets to see him for the first time since his fakeout death and they have this quick moment where they realize “oh shit, we didn’t tell anyone else we’re together and now just feels like a really bad time to casually mention that” so she can’t even tackle him with a hug and yell at him for how much he scared her. They have to wait for an actual chance to be alone before they can even properly process everything they’ve been through from the perspective of them as a couple, and the first time they get that chance it’s just them crying together and hugging each other so tight it almost hurts.

It’s probably around that point that Ren realizes that he’s not used to having someone genuinely worry for him like that, ESPECIALLY after Shido ruined his life and he got dumped in a new city. He has this moment of “oh my god this girl cares about me more than I even knew was possible and I would do anything she asked if I could get her to stop crying.” He starts apologizing and saying that he doesn’t deserve her and she immediately fires back that she doesn’t deserve him, and then that turns into them each saying how amazing they think the other is and the crying turns into laughing. Then they laugh even harder when they realize they still need to figure out how to tell everyone else

[firestorm09890]

Saïx is soooo jealous Zexion gets to have so much of Xemnas’s trust without any effort on Zexion’s part AND he’s allowed to go outside and his every move isn’t monitored? it’s so unfair and Zexion is jealous of Saïx because it should’ve been him!!! IT SHOULD'VE BEEN HIM!!!!! because there is something wrong with him [suddenly serious] I can call Xemnas an absolute rat bastard for turning them against each other but all he did was set up the system. He didn’t do shit to actively turn them against each other, that was aaaaall Zexion and Saïx’s doing.

Saïx had a goal that was supposed to be “good”, to save someone else, but it very quickly became about himself, the way he was willing to forsake his dignity and morals and relationships for this goal. He had to climb a ladder and if a child was in front of him he resolved to simply have to kick the child down it. I don’t think it was personal, at first.

But it couldn’t have been anything but personal for Zexion, the aforementioned child being kicked down a ladder. From his perspective, he’d been abandoned once, by Ansem. And if we want to talk about him losing his original parents at such a young age as well…. hed probably have. hm. severe emotional issues. and now Saïx, who previously tried to worm his way into the apprentices’ life as Isa with very obvious hidden intentions, is trying to take away the one person who respected him, who took him under his wing (Vexen does NOT COUNT their relationship is terrible and Lexaeus does not count either he is not a mentor figure), who gave him new purpose? Well. Zexion went to the Xaldin school of psychologically damaging exactly what hurts so he made it personal for Saïx as well, and they say the rest is history.

and like. they were both young at the time but that’s like a high schooler beefing with someone who hasn’t even hit double digits so yknow. in Saïx’s defense I guess the kid was wise beyond his years and a little shit who’s committed crimes against humanity. in Saïx’s undefense even after both of them were adults he continued to beef with children a decade later. anyway yeah even though it’s ultimately Xemnas’s fault for treating them both this way and creating an environment with murderous politics, you still can’t neatly sort organization xiii into victims and abusers because they’re ALL in the pit beating the shit out of each other (unless you were Roxas or Xion, in which case sorry you had to be here). even if Saïx and Zexion got together to metaphorically compare their salaries they would never come to the conclusion that this is on Xemnas because there’s no way Saïx is going to explain Subject X to Zexion- he was always a loyalist, he can’t be trusted with their plans- so Saïx would just have to say “oh I’m only doing this for the greater good, you must understand” and Zexion’s not going to realize the root of his hatred is goddamn abandonment issues and even if he DID he sure as hell wouldn’t tell Saïx about it. maybe Ienzo and Isa could make up about it because they both feel really bad but it’s also too damn late. they’d already escalated it to assassination. if this wasn’t kingdom hearts it would’ve ended with Saïx thinking “was it really worth it” and then dying and it’d be a tragic tale for both of them

[leahrintarou]

🎃 Oikawa Toru - Sounding

Warnings: sounding, bdsm, sub! Oikawa, fem reader, usage of sounding rods, Oikawa is trying something new. Word Count: 3.7k

"toru, i have a question" y/n asked, legs stretched out across the boy's lap as they sat on the sofa of his home. they were in a comfortable silence and y/n's question was the first thing that was said between the two within the last hour. "which is?" he questioned, still deep into the book that he was reading.

y/n sat up, eye's noticing that he wasn't exactly focused on what she was about to say. she rolled her eye's, laying back down before opening her phone to send the brunette a particular link to a particular video. his phone vibrated against the arm of the sofa and he glanced at it before looking over to y/n. "why did you text me? I'm right here."

y/n mumbled a "just check your phone." which only struck more confusion in oikawa. he placed his book down onto the coffee table before unlocking his phone, the illumination of the screen creating shadows on his face. there was some silence and y/n watched as oikawa's eyes widened when he opened the link. "why the fuck did you send me this?" he questioned, flipping his phone to show y/n the explicit video that she'd sent to his phone.

"i have an offer." she started, smiling when oikawa's attention was now on her. "no" he immediately said. "toru, what the fuck?" she frowned, almost whining at his sudden rejection. "don't 'what the fuck' me. if you're about to ask what i think you are, the answer is no".

"how do you know what i was about to ask?"

oikawa sighed, shutting his phone off before resting his hand on y/n's leg, slightly turning his body to face her figure. "you want to try sounding and you want me to be the person you try it with. am i right or am i right?" he says, knowing the answer to his hypothetical question when y/n visibly deflated at his words.

"please, toru?"

"y/n, can't you ask one of your many clients who are actually into bdsm?" he questioned. y/n sighed, reluctant to give him an answer but since she was the one who needed his help, she realized that it's probably not a good idea to have secrets. "i have a client this weekend who wants me to sound him, but i've never done that before and i don't wanna hurt him"

"okay, so I'm your lab rat and you're willing to hurt me?"

his tone was full of offense and y/n thought about how badly she worded it. "no, no, no. you're just…less likely to sue me if something goes wrong,"

he glared at y/n, making her finally sit up to complete her defensive claim. "not that anything will go wrong. but, you've let me try other things on you so what's wrong now?" she questioned, noticing how he was tapping at her leg with anticipation. probably fidgeting from this whole situation. "well, i don't know y/n. there's a pretty big fucking difference between wanting to tie me up and wanting to shove something in my di-"

"TORU!"

"what, y/n?" this time he sighed leaning his head agaisnt the plush of the sofa. y/n was one of his closest friends and due to her small side hobby of being a camgirl/dominatrix, he'd always help her out with practicing or making sure that she was doing things right off camera, rather than making mistakes on camera. overall just talking her through what feels good and what doesn't from a guy's perspective.

this however, was something that he never tried and from the looks of it, something that he was glad to miss out on. "can you just watch the video later and then give me your final answer. i know you're not completely opposed to it, you're just nervous to try something like that"

there was a small silence before she spoke again. "right?" she questioned. he rolled his eye's, sighing before mumbling a small "whatever."

----------

oikawa had been trying to get some sleep for the night for the past thirty minutes, but since y/n had returned back to her home, he was now left alone with his thoughts. everything in his body was telling him to not reach for his phone but before he could even deny the urges, he found himself going to he and y/n's exchanged messages. his thumb hovered over the screen before closing his eye's and clicking onto the link.

it brought him to an adult sight and once he clicked the play button, he was met with a couple who's faces were a mystery to him the camera was focused on the semi-hard erection of the guy as the woman applied lube to the ridged metal rod and some extra on her partner's member.

oikawa visibly winced as she was inserting the ribbed rod, receiving a moan from the guy in return. he was expecting anything but that. maybe a scream of terror, him grabbing her wrist to stop her movements, or maybe even the video ending right there and then. but no. instead, pleasure filled moans errupted from the guys voice and oikawa sighed in annoyance. he hated how his body was finding this whole video intriguing and exciting. his body was reacting on it's own so oikawa decided he had enough and clicked off the video, going back to he and y/n's shared messages.

oikawa --> y/n: when is your appointment with that sounding guy?

y/n --> oikawa: lol, change of heart?

oikawa --> y/n: shut up. just answer my question

y/n --> oikawa: it's two nights from now :)

oikawa --> y/n: okay, I'm free tomorrow night. does that sound okay?"

y/n --> oikawa: ha ha, sound. anyways..of course. what made you change your mind? did u watch the vid i sent?

oikawa --> y/n: yeah. either that guy's really into pain, or it's not as bad as i thought. if it's the first one and this whole thing is like a torture mechanism, then im never letting you do anything to me again

y/n --> oikawa: lol, you'll be fine, toru. get some rest, i don't want you to be tired tomorrow. <3

oikawa --> y/n: alright, goodnight, y/n.

y/n --> oikawa: goodnightttt <33

oikawa sat up from his laying position on his bed before staring down at his lap, letting out a frustrated groan.

'cold shower it is'

----------

"you can head over now. i'm back home from the store" y/n said through the phone line. oikawa mumbled a small "okay" before the call was dropped. he'd just gotten out of the shower which is why the loosly hung towel that was around his waist was soon discarded to his bed. he walked over to his closet, grabbing a pair of briefs before pulling them onto his body. he followed after with a t-shirt and some sweatpants, not overthinking about what he wore since it'd most likely be off the minute he arrived at y/n's home.

he grabbed his phone and wallet, pocketing both items before grabbing his car keys from the kitchen counter to head out of his home. he closed and locked the door behind himself.

----------

"TORU"

y/n smiled happily when she saw her bestfriend standing at her door. he walked in, being abruptly stopped when y/n gave him a warm hug and a small peck to his cheek. he pulled back, looking at her since her overly excited state was a bit unusual. "why're being so affectionate?"

"can i not give my bestfriend a small kiss?"

"well we do more than just kissing so im sure that's the least of our worries" he shrugged, kicking off his shoes before walking to y/n's kitchen to grab a waterbottle from her refrigerator. he downed the entire thing within seconds and y/n let out a small snort. "why are you so nervous?"

"wow y/n, i have no fucking clue. definitely not because you're about to shove a fucking stripper pole into my dick?"

y/n turned away, trying to hide her laugh and oikawa rolled his eyes at her inability of being serious is serious situations. "i didn't order the huge ones. i realized that wouldn't be a good idea for neither of us. i got the thinner sized one" she reassured. he sighed staring at y/n as she smiled back at him. "i'll be gentle, i promise."

she reached for oikawas hand, bringing his figure to the sofa so they could take a seat. there was room temperature water on the coffee table and the tv was at a low volume, displaying their favorite childhood cartoon. "what are we doing?" he asked, confused as to why she wasnt bringing him to her room and/or undressing him. "you're too tense. you gotta relax so lets chill out. no need to rush anything" she explained, turning up the volume of the show.

he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a small second. y/n was used to this process of making sure her clients or in this case, bestfriend; was comfortable before starting anything relatively close to intimacy. he rested the back of his head onto y/n's shoulder and she snaked her hand around his waist. a silence fell upon them as they comfortably admired the display of the childish show.

oikawa was appreciative of the given silence that y/n allowed them to have and the ooccasional 'no way's and 'what the hell's that fell from her lips in a whisper, were strangely comforting.

at some point though, oikawa become hyper aware of just how close they actually were. his sweatpants hung loosly on his waist since he failed to tighten the strings before he left his home in a haste. his v-line was exposed just underneath his shirt and y/n drew light circles against the area with her chilled digits. oikawa readjusted his body just the slightest bit to get a good look at y/n.

just as he did so, y/n met his eyes too and with some unspoken want, they were drawn to eachother, leaning into a shared kiss that only became sloppy from oikawa's neediness. the night when he even texted y/n to plan this upcoming event, she gave him strict instructions to not touch himself for the remaining days so his time with her could be a little bit more fun. a few cold showers later, he had a lot pent up and was honestly grateful to finally get some release.

"are you ready now?" she asked, pulling back from their kiss when he hesitantly nodded. y/n smiled and he followed her down the hallway and into her room. there he saw how she'd propped up a few pillows for him and on a small table next to her bed, there remained a fluffled towel. on top of the fabric was a pair of black nitrile gloves, a bottle of lube, and a thin stainless steel rod with a ring at the end. this one was smooth in comparison to the one in the video that he watched and y/n noticed how his gaze focused on it for that very fact.

"i don't want to go overboard, so we'll start off a bit easy for now" she says, motioning for him to remove his bottoms and lay on the soft fabric of her bed. he did so, only his straining briefs and t-shirt remaining on his frame. y/n pulled the glove over both her hands, before taking a seat on the side-edge of the bed. "okay, were sticking to our traffic light system..same as usual." she clarified, making oikawa nod. his knees were pulled to his chest and y/n smiled before turning back around to make sure everything was in place.

she heard some movement behind herself and without even glancing to look, y/n mumbled a strict. "you better not be touching yourself, toru." she felt him stiffen and still behind her and once she turned around. she saw that a palm was over his lap, clearly doing what she'd infer he was. "do you always have to tease during these things?" he questioned, sighing when y/n gently removed his hand from it's place over his prominent print.

"it's not a matter of teasing. I'm making this easier for the both of us. it's harder to sound if you're fully erect so for now, no touching unless it's my hand. got it?" she waited for him to nod and when he did, y/n smiled before leaning closer to his pouted lips and giving him a quick peck thats soon merged into a makeout. oikawa immediately allowed himself to drown in the action, letting out a soft moan when the pads of her gloved fingers grazed the tip of his forming and clothed erection. her hand then rested on his thigh as she swiftly crawled atop his figure. she seated herself on his thighs to keep his movements minimum with a restraining straddle while her hand reached under the fabric of his shirt, caressing the warmth of his toned abdomen.

"don't space out too much. i need you to listen to me throughout the whole thing."

oikawa hummed, leaning closer to y/n's lips to get another taste before she unfortunately pulled away. "y/n" he called, annoyed by her constant teasing that was now driving him up the wall. "i have to start now or else you'll get too riled up" she reassured, left palm sliding down his abdomen to abruptly stop at his restrained erection. fishing two fingers into the elastic waistband of his briefs, y/n pulled it down, revealing all of his length. as she pulled down the article of clothing, she simultaneously reached over to the table next to the bed-side.

grasping the bottle of lubricant into her hold, y/n popped open the cap as she hit it with the heel of her palm. she dispensed some into her gloved palm, focusing down at the amount before taking a glance up to oikawa.

"toru" she called. he questioned a small "hm?" before she continued. "what's your color?" just as he was about to answer, y/n dribbled a bit of the clear liquid to the tip of his erection, making him shiver from the unpleasant temperature. he bit down on his cheek as y/n's hand suddenly grasped him into a gentle hold.

she evenly spread the gel-like liquid all around him, only stopping when she still didn't receive an answer from her bestfriend. "color..toru?" she reminded. humming when he managed to voice a calm "green".

y/n reached over to the table once again, now bringing back the metal rod. oikawa's breath hitched and y/n's eye's darted up to his own. he nodded, urging for y/n to continue. with the slight reassurance, y/n applied a bit more of the lube to the rod itself, evenly spreading it along the length of the tool. she held the item in her left hand, palming his groin with her right. "relax…"

y/n released her palming hold before gently grasping oikawa's length into her hold. he watched intently as the cold metal was met with his slit, the anticipation practically eating him alive. y/n slowly inserted a few centimeters of the rod into his erect member, simultaneously drawing a whine from his voice. his chest rose an fell at a quickened pace when y/n pushed it in a bit further. "breathe, toru." she says, stopping her movements so he could recollect himself.

"i'm not going to force you to take more than you can handle" y/n looked up at his tense features, before his eyes met with her own. "I-it feels weird" he said through a strained voice. "do you want to stop?" y/n smiled when he shook his head almost immediately. "see? that means it's not as bad as you thought."

oikawa's closed his eyes, allowing his head to fall back onto the pillow when y/n continued to push the rod just a bit further. "you're half way there." she smiled, feeling proud that her bestfriend is doing so well at this new experience. oikawa let out a strained moan when she used her other hand to slowly pump his now sensitive member. he tried to call her name but his voice came out at a needy whine when her movements started to speed up. he reached for her wrist, trying to stop her overwhelming gifts of pleasure, but his hand quickly went over his lips as he tried to muffle his noises.

y/n knew that oikawa was one to try to keep his sound to a minimum but on this particular night, he was struggling to do so. he was quite vocal and honestly, y/n was all for it. he sounded angelic almost. voice gradually getting more hoarse as the straining and muffling continued. y/n inched the remaining length of the rod into oikawa's fully erected member and it took everything in him to not finish right there and then.

y/n released the ring of the rod, letting it fall before focusing on jerking slow, yet skilled movements around the sensitive length of oikawa's member. "fuck.." small babbles of swears fell from his lips as her suttle moments continued to drive him up the wall. she felt how he fidgeted under herself, making her press a firm palm to his thigh to secure his stillness.

y/n reached for the ring that was at the end of the rod, giving it a slow pull before she reinserted it back into place. "y/n, s-stop. you're gonna make me cum.." he said, a panicked tone heavying through panting breaths. she didn't slow down her movements at all and just before oikawa could get the satisfaction of release and relief, y/n let go of his member all together, leaving him a twitching mess at the lost contact.

"y/n, please. don't do that tonight. i cant-" he breathes, his voice whiny with need. y/n smiled, tugging on the ring of the rod once again, erupting a whinper from his lips. she slowly pushed it back in, his pre-cum finding its way to spew out around the object. y/n was shocked to say the least. despite how much oikawa complained and denied the act of sounding at all, here he was, completely losing himself within the sensation of just that alone. y/n wasn't even directly touching him, yet he was still receiving enough pleasure to feel partially satisfied.

"…'m so close, y/n." his warning brought some anticipation to y/n as his slick now coated the rod to allow her to pick up the paced pattern of her given pleasure. y/n noticed how oikawa's hand slowly reached for himself and she swiftly stopped his movements by moving his hand away. "you don't need it." she said.

she wanted him cum untouched.

on any other day, he would've claimed that the whole situation was seemingly impossible, but with the way that he was currently feeling, oikawa was suprised that he'd even been able to hold out for as long as he has up til now. "i wanna cum. please. " he whined, eye's shutting tightly when a singular push of the rod into his erection finally sent him over the edge. his hips stuggled to lift from the bed due to y/n straddling him and his body involuntary jolted against his will when y/n began to gently slide the tool out from its secure place.

his arousal spewed out from around the metal object and it was accompanied by his heavy and hoarse pants that failed to come out as moans due to his ruined state. his body shivered under y/n and his erection twitched when the rod was fully removed. y/n reached for his length, taking it into her grasp before giving it an expiremental pump. oikawa's hips rutted up, desperately trying to get some friction as the evidence of his previous orgasm still continued to leak from his member, dribbling down y/n's gloved hand.

"you did so good, toru" she smiled, leaning down to give a lazy kiss to his slightly parted lips. "i'm never doing that again" he managed to say, catching y/n off guard. she asked for his reasoning behind his sudden statement and as he tried to steady his breeath, oikawa mustered up a bit of energy. "i've never felt so f-fucked out. ever"

y/n smiled at him, releasing his softening member from her hold before standing up to grab her previously prepared wash cloth. y/n made quick movements to the bathroom, wetting the fabric with some warm water before wringing it out in the sink. she returned to oikawa's figure who's eyes were beginning to heavy from exhaustion. she wiped up the arosal that was spread throughout parts of his body whether it was intentional or not.

oikawa let out a soft moan when y/n's hand made contacting with his overly sensitive member. she smiled at the familiar sound as it soothed her ears for a small second. "what's your color now?" she wiped off some residue from his thighs and groin before discarding the washcloth to the nearby table. he mumbled a quiet "yellow" as he pulled his briefs back up to his hips, going limp against y/n's pillows after he was beginning to settle down. "you want anything to drink?" she asked, pulling the gloves off of her hands with a sharp snap.

he shook his head, curling up on his side as he pulled his knees to his chest. y/n reached for a folded blanket, tossing it over his figure as his eye's began to heavy and close, unable to keep up with y/n's awoken state. she tried to be her quietest as she cleaned up the items that were resting on the table by the bedside feeling nothing but satisfaction at their expiremental session.

"y/n" oikawa called. she looked over at him from her place on the couch, waiting for him to continue. "later tonight…can we…" he made a motion with his hand and somehow, y/n understood him, giving him a nod, along with an "of course".

"another thing,"

"which is?" she asked, attention now focused on the frame of her bestfriend all around.

"can you sound me.. again?"

AUTHORS NOTE - tysm for reading! i hope you enjoyed day one of kinktober :) leave a note to support!