#and now I'm crying all over again
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i have this fic series i'm still working on where mihawk sort of becomes rayleigh's kid and spends ages 11-17ish on the oro jackson.
shanks and buggy imprint on him (bugs considers him a sort of older brother figure/sparring inspiration and shanks has a crush that eventually turns into full-blown love) and this is how i imagine they're like on the day mihawk sets off on his own haha.
#fic recs#dracule mihawk#akataka#mishanks#buggy#buggy the clown#shanks#akagami no shanks#red haired shanks#one piece#one piece fanart#op fanart#clearly my workaround to 'i should be working on my deadlines instead of doodling mishanks' is to finger-draw on my phone instead#on the plus side i'll never be tempted to go and fully render what was supposed to be a sketch#on the minus side i'm wondering if drawing with my finger takes up the same amount of time anyways.........#smh#anyways in this au i have this part planned where after shankd and buggy get into a fight over the chop chop#shanks comes crying to mihawk all devastated and annoyed and mihawk who is 16 and absolutely doesnt want to deal with a crying 12 year old#decides to fix things himself by showing buggy the pros of his devil fruit via forceful and incredibly harrowing sparring session LOL.#makes him see right away how much of a boon it is to never be able to get cut by a blade. it turns into an actually fun sesh#'cuz mihawk starts enjoying the challenge and the creativity and control and buggy starts wielding his knives in flying hands.#ends with mihawk berating him on how he treats his brother and how mihawk never wants to have to deal with shanks like that again#and also lowkey encouraging buggy by saying he's a resourceful kid and he's got people if he cant do things himself.#at this point in time shanks kind of wants mihawk to be his knight in shining armour so he's happy to hear what mihawk did#but mihawk is Fully Over bunking with two 12 year olds. ray please can he just set out on his own now. he's done it before. come on.#he is not a babysitter!!!!!!#tho these fics will focus mostly on hawk & ray jsyk#i digress
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LOKI cast in the S1 blooper reel
#loki#mobius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#absolute cuties all around 🥺💖#god i'm glad we're getting physical media with bonus features again!! truly an essential to life and as it should always be#now if you'll excuse me i'm gonna go spend the rest of the day shaking and crying over lamentis mobius and that closeup shot of owen 😳#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#wunmi mosaku#gugu mbatha-raw#marvel#owenwilsonedit#flashing cw#dianagifs
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Thinking about a Cora lives AU where Law just. Doesn't get sick after Amber Lead Disease. He takes good care of himself and generally his immune system is pretty solid (and he avoids his crew members if they have smth contagious like the flu or a stomach bug). But eventually his good luck runs out and he catches a cold, just a minor one that makes him a little feverish and gives him the standard cough and runny nose. Bepo notices him swaying on his feet and immediately sends him to bed (even tho Law protests like a stubborn brat).
When Cora finds out Law is sick he flips his SHIT. Literally he falls flat on his ass and catches himself on fire. Then he rushes all around the Polar Tang grabbing medical books on how to treat colds and preparing a compress and shouting at the cook to make hot soup for Law and digging into the cabinets for medicine and then he's hauling ASS to Law's room
Law wakes up from a nap and looks over to see Cora sitting at his bedside looking at him like this
And he has to reassure him no Cora-san I'm not dying, it's just a cold, yes Cora-san I'm going to be okay. You worry too much
(But Cora's paranoid bc he's only seen Law sick once before and that was when he was dying, literally days away from succumbing to the poison eating at him, so of course there's trauma there, of course he sees Law cough one time and thinks the world is ending 😭)
#One Piece#Donquixote Rosinante#Cora#Trafalgar Law#One Piece Cora#Law#It takes Law a little bit to realize bc he's still kinda out of it#But when Cora starts crying out of sheer RELIEF he KNOWS something's wrong#Cora: It was like I blinked and you were thirteen all over again and I was going to lose you and--#Law: Cora-san...#Cora; sniffling: Please be okay#Law: I'm okay#RAGHHHHH TEARS OPEN MY SHIRT#WORRIED DAD CORA IS WHAT I'M HERE FOR NOW AND FOREVER#Shima speaks
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There's only one person I truly hate with all my being
#and its some random bitch from the internet#fuck you jackal#talking about how I started hating him would require TRIGGER WARNINGS.#he almost made me fail my freshman ELA class because I had to spend all hour comforting my friends who he hurt#then all was forgiven because “he's a kid! he can change!” i never forgave him and he never truly changed#he tried to tell lies about me to my friends#and. for context. this was on discord#it was a community where I was one of the 3 pillars of it. and I'm close with the other 2.#me C and H were the people people wanted to be friends with. or wanted to *be*. we were the top 3 of everyone! and im not being conceded.#twas a small community#I was known for being skilled! but also. people thought I was kind. (some people thought I was bossy because I was kinda strict)#< (strict being I don't tolerate bullying or slurs at any capacity.#but so. when Jackal lied to H. H knew it was bullshit.#anyways Jackal stuck around somehow even tho everyone KNEW. The Jackal Situation was an ARC in that server.#anyways C made Jackal a mod over a year later bc la-de-da-de-da people can change~ and he wasn't a dick. for about 5 minutes.#he got fired today and i was fucking ECSTATIC#I hate him#he thinks hes hot shit. he's hot garbage is what he is#he's so tone deaf and abused power constantly#i never stepped in because I have such a strong hatred that i can never be fair to him again#im permanently against him. he'll never ever gain any respect from me.#he lied. he baited us. he made my friends spend so many sleepless nights crying. he tried to make them die by saying theyd go together.#i saw through it.#anyways I like to believe I have a good judge of character bc he always made me uneasy#he gifted me nitro and was polite before baiting us. but i was like. ehhhh. what's wrong w him?#anyways he's a pissed off bastard now#anyways heres some previous life drama hooray
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#posting this again because i want attention#and I fixed a mistake#and look oooo illustration#go read my cringe! go on#you know you want to#why is it so much more embarrassing posting fic than posting art. riddle me that one#bnha#villain!mic#loudspeaker au#hizashi yamada#present mic#mha#midmic#bnha fanfiction#horrible feeling when you realise Family of Me by Ben Folds is the perfect Loudspeaker song#but nobody's going to take you seriously about it because it's from Over the Hedge#sobbing crying#like every line fits#'Looks grim right now. But pretty soon we'll be laughing about it'#'It's all right. Yeah it is I swear you'll see (it's not really)'#like hello? that's Loudspeaker right there#im going so silly. I'm going so stupid.#anyway yeah read Mind Electric. Or whatever.
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The audio drama really went for the heartstrings with the Wen remnants like holy shit really just had to show this mans forming connections with these people even more huh
This is one of the other lines that has killed me each time I am a SUCKER for repeated phrases gaining new meaning
#my art#I don't think I can do justice to just how this scene FEELS like you see him in soul-crushing loneliness#and slowly the world lights up again like the donghua really hit it visually and the audio drama hit it audibly so i'll just cry over here#fyi these are now totally behind where I am but I'm trying to catch up- hard to do all of it at once lol#i don't think anyone is checkin the grandma wen tag so there's less characters her than usual#wei wuxian#wei ying#wei wuixan#a yuan#wen ning#wen qing#wen qionglin#wen sect#mo dao zu shi#mo xiang tong xiu#mxtx mdzs#mdzs fanart#mdzs#mxtx#mxtx fanart#founder of diabolism#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#the untamed#lan zhan#lan wangji#wen yuan
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My dog, all near 200 pounds of him, crawled into a space he SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FIT and ended up hitting the power button on the surge protector I have my computer plugged into, shutting down my computer and causing 9k of words I had written over the course of the past few days to be deleted
Scrivener makes automatic backups thankfully, but the last one was from last night which means I still ended up losing the thousand or so words I'd written this morning 😭😭😭😭😭
(My dog is fine, he got the toy he apparently was after, and now is just confused as to why I'm making high pitched distressed noises)
#i'm actually about to cry#like i know it could have been worse but like#i was not emotionally prepared for this at all#i was so proud of myself for getting so much written over the past week and now i just want to throw myself into the nearest swamp#like i got most of it back but not ALL of it#i'm screaming (internally as my husband is still asleep in the next room)#i'm gonna barqcade that fucking space so this can't happen again holy shit
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I've been rewatching the first two seasons of The Bear so I can watch the third season that just came out and man the character writing in this show makes me froth at the mouth it's like some of the best arcs I've ever seen in a TV series
#little infodump in the tags bc no one I know is watching this show so I need to spill all my thoughts somewhere LOL#Richie is my favorite he makes me go ballistic especially in the episode Forks#just rewatched that episode and it always makes me cry when he has his moment where he finally Gets it#he's such a shit stain of a guy I would probably hate him if I knew him in real life lmfao but as a character he is so fantastically writte#I also really love Marcus but he hasn't had as big of a development as Richie has#Sydney is awesome but she's. so much like me in the way where I cringe at her sometimes LMAO#when she's acting super sarcastic and holier than thou I can't look directly at it it's too much like me when I'm at my worst DHF;LKDFH#god I hope Marcus and Sydney get together they are so cute#unusually good chemistry for a straight ship LOL /hj#I also love Tina but my only complaint with her is that I kinda wish her arc in the first season took a little more time#bc she started off as a real asshole just like all the characters did but she had a much more sudden switch#but I guess it makes sense for her now that I think about it bc she's shown to be a very sweet and compassionate person#it's just that she doesn't trust Sydney at first so once she gets over that then she's sweet with her too#excited to learn more about Ebra he reminds me a lot of an old coworker#also obvs no spoilers for season 3 please I haven't got there yet#lyla's talking again
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Pharma's place in a Functionist society (headcanon)
So I've talked in some previous posts about all the reasons that Pharma isn't a functionist because canon never showed him espousing functionist ideals + he's actually in a place to be a victim of functionism. And I've been working on a Pharma-centric oneshot that made me put into words the best metaphor I can think of for Pharma's relationship with Functionism:
He doesn't support Functionism, but is simultaneously a beneficiary of it and also marginalized by it, because his position of being forged both a doctor and a jet basically turns him into a "token minority" of sorts.
I know that sounds kind of silly or maybe like a clumsy political allegory, but hear me out. There are a couple facts about Pharma and the circumstances of his forging that put him at the crossroads between privilege and marginalization within Functionism:
Tyrest says that Pharma was "famous for being forged." Not famous for being a forged medic-- otherwise surely Ratchet would be just as noteworthy-- but famous for being FORGED. But also, note that this is an opinion that SOCIETY had about Pharma, not something that Pharma espouses about himself. (For the sake of an example, Pharma isn't Starscream, who has an explicit, deep-seated need for others' love and approval. Pharma himself doesn't express any opinions on his own popularity or convey that fame/adoration is something he wants.)
Functionism on Cybertron held that if someone was born with a certain alt-mode, they can/should only have certain jobs. For people born with flight alt-modes, those people were almost always regulated to military or transportation/courier jobs
SIMULTANEOUSLY, Pharma was forged with medic hands, which under a Functionist society were viewed as the peak of medical care and all the best doctors were forged or at least had a "special something" that non-forged hands lacked (according to Ratchet).
So taken in combination, this means that from the moment of Pharma's birth, he straddled a line of Functionism between two different "predestined" paths for him, where he was simultaneously forged to be a doctor and also forged to fly, fitting into BOTH of these categories despite norms of Functionism which say you're one or the other. And I speculate that the reason Pharma is "famous for being forged" is precisely because of those lines he straddles: his very existence is a contradiction, but he was also FORGED that way. The same creed that dictated the two different functions of "hands" and "alt-mode" also says that Pharma should be what he was born to be. What he was born to be was a forged medic jet.
In my opinion, I think that being "famous for being forged" is sort of like a token-minority situation for Pharma, where perhaps Pharma was seen as a curiosity or even something exotic, not just as a person. Maybe because he was a jet and people assumed jets were only soldiers/transportation, a lot of his achievements were put in the light of "Oh, he's a really amazing doctor, for a jet" or "It's crazy that he's a doctor AND a jet at the same time". The attention Pharma received for the unique circumstances of his birth WAS positive, but it would've likely been framed in a bit of a condescending way, as if Pharma is noteworthy and famous not for being a good doctor, but for being a good doctor despite being born a jet.
So I would say that as far as Pharma's personal experience with Functionism, he simultaneously experienced privilege and marginalization. He enjoyed the privileges of being a medic while avoiding the restrictions of being a flight frame. However, a lot of the idolization and attention he received would have also come from a place of tokenizing Pharma: he's "famous for being forged," because in this society he's defying expectations merely for existing as himself. That is to say, Pharma in a Functionist society wasn't treated as remarkable because of who he is as a person and how hard he worked to be a good doctor; he was treated as remarkable for the circumstances of his forging, something he had no control over and can't change, and apparently Pharma being a forged medic jet is such a noteworthy origin that he's "famous" for it.
The above paragraph is purely headcanon, of course, but I like to imagine that part of Pharma's reason for having a big ego isn't out of simple vanity or insecurity, but because of a sort of "gifted student" syndrome, in a sense. From the moment he was forged he was treated as a rarity and an incredible phenomenon, and he would have had to work incredibly hard to be seen as "an incredible doctor" in his own right rather than just "that forged medic jet." Maybe, as a jet, he also had something to prove; he had to show to a Functionist society that being a jet doesn't make him an inferior doctor and that his alt-mode has nothing to do with his skills at his profession.
That is to say, I don't think Pharma would have been openly anti-Functionist, or had many opinions about it at all. I actually lean towards the interpretation that Pharma basically saw himself as getting lucky with the way he was forged and being content with the fact that he'd managed to carve out a reputation for himself as being incredibly skilled. However, Pharma not getting involved politically in Functionism doesn't change the fact that he WOULD have had a very complicated relationship with Functionism, in that alt-mode discrimination would have had an effect on him even though he was in the scientific/medical class and supposedly privileged.
#mtmte#mtmte pharma#transformers idw#transformers meta#mtmte meta#squiggposting#pharma apologism#pharma doesn't fit neatly into categories of privileged or oppressed and that makes him especially interesting#tldr: pharma probably got microaggressioned a lot at work lmao#some med student: oh my gosh... a flight frame in medical school... how did you manage that?#omg pharma it's so craaazy that you can fly and you're also a doctor#wow pharma your hands are incredible it's a good reason you have them or they probably wouldn't have let you in#pharma smiling tightly with a drink in his hands: yeah. crazy.#pharma: anyways i'm gonna go perform a triple organ donation everyone fuck off i'm working#i think pharma never got political mainly because he comes off as the type who focuses on his job and nothing else#like he's experienced marginalization on account of being a forged medic JET but he kind of just went#well I overcame the odds and i'm the best doctor ever now and my position in society is comfortable that's all i wanted#but it's a far cry from fanon that decides to make him a full on card carrying functionist that's openly bigoted#i feel like i just repeated myself over and over again without saying much ah well
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Obsessed with when fanfictions go like:
Jason: "your son died!! I'm not that kid anymore! You can never have him back!! >:("
Bruce: "I mean, yeah? You had new experiences, made new friends, learned new things and went through a lot of difficult situations. You're human, people grow up, but there are still things about you that will never change, one of them is the fact that you're my son and I will love you regardless of what you choose to be."
#i miss those types of fanfic#there should be more of those#because once i read one i was like "holly shit i'm not the same person i was as a kid and neither is anyone#jason dying and coming back just makes it more metaphorical somehow and bruce not being there to see him growing up makes it sad#so now there's this new person who still have little things about his child self but definitely isn't the same kid anymore#but that's okay because bruce can just meet his son all over again and use those little things to slowly conect with him again#i just really love fanfics like this they tend to make me cry a lot#jason todd#red hood#batman#bruce wayne#batfamily#dc
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The desire to have a No Capes AU where the Titans crew go to a boarding school and sneak out at night to read poetry in a cave...
#yes i just watched dead poets society again and yes it made me think some thoughts#no but i can't even think about it properly because that movie always makes me cry so much and now i've got a headache#like literally as soon as the play is over and neil heads for his dad's car--i start crying and i can't stop#and then comes the iconic ''o captain my captain'' scene at the end and i start bawling again#it's just!! so unfair!! and i fuckin love charlie bro!! this time i watched the movie--i noticed something i didn't before#and it's that when all the boys are singing at the school in remembrance of neil--all the guys from the club are singing#EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE!!#just like how when they were doing that exercise on being nonconforming--all the boys were trying to walk around in their own style#EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE!#because charlie was like hey i'm exercising my right to NOT do this exercise--and it's the same thing in the singing scene!!#he's exercising his right to not make himself sing the song when he damn well doesn't feel like it#yeeees nuwanda!!! you go king!!#No Capes AU
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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okay but imagine loving someone so much you're willing to live the same crushing reality over and over again with no one to share the immense guilt you feel over lying and having to watch people die you could technically save solely because you cannot live in a world where that other person isn't by your side
#yes i'm crying again#i wonder if qiao ling now has xixi's powers and if she will ever read lu guang's memories#still not over the password on lg's phone....#he doesn't let it faulters he doesn't let himself forget what he's enduring all this shit for even if it's painful and [screaming]#doomed by the narrative gays always hit.... i'm so sad#link click
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Please tell me this means there is a save spot nearby please I am begging on my knees please please!!
#I'm literally so far#if i were to die now and having to start all over again i'd cry#Metroid Prime#Mabu plays Metroid
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.
#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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but you know! bullet dodged! it's almost enough to put a girl off romance for the rest of the year but heck if I care enough at this point! I've literally run out of emotional energy. the past five months have been such a rollercoaster that I just don't have the energy to keep being upset :-)
#i simply.............haven't got the energy to ask him (again) to respect my boundaries/respect me#it's like. why do i even HAVE to ask for this in the first place!!!#i also do not have any tears left to cry which is saying something considering how much i cry over everything. i'm all cried out#right now i have my girls i have my books i have the daylight coming back more and more every day#i shall be okay! i know this won't be The End as i feared it might (i was real pessimistic)#it will only be The End if i let it. i shan't let this cheat me of my dancing my singing my writing or my general joie de vivre!#i fought HARD for that joie de vivre and i ain't giving it up!!!!!
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