#and not im just particularly autistic about them

[joeloverture]

ok, more on this because apparently i have to say all of this. if responding to it makes the hate worse i honestly could not give less of a fuck about it than i already do. i am here to express myself so u best believe that is what my ass will be doing!!

this is gonna be a bit long and a bit winded bc ive been keeping this close to my chest for a while.

i genuinely don't fucking write for an audience. if i was writing for an audience you'd have never seen me post fair's fair. you'd have never seen me writing flesh currency! i write what i want. when i'm horny. when i want to make other people horny (i guess?). when i feel like it. when im healthy enough to do it.

no my fics are not the magnum opus. no they arent being strung up in the goddamn louvre. that isnt what im trying to do. i juice joy out of my fanfic writing and am KIND enough to put it on the internet for others to enjoy if they so wish. nobody is holding you at gunpoint to read my "shit writing".

fanfic writers either dont post enough or they post too much you really, really gotta pick one.

i spent like 5 months on hiatus in debilitating pain and was in and out of the hospital for a few weeks out of those months. i couldnt even write a goddamn diary entry. you have no idea how happy i am to have my creative voice back.

its... my winter break. of fucking course im writing lol i dont have anything else to do!!!! there's nothing else id rather be doing because i actually like this!

id rather write as a hobby than crank out anon hate, personally. maybe that's a me issue?

then, a bit more on identity and the role of identity in all of this

ive had to start counting the amount of anons i get with hateful slurs in them. since coming back i've been called the r slur. the f slur. the c slur. the b slur. everything in the fucking book. not only is it uncreative, its regressive.

y'all either dont like me because im annoying or blatantly showing autistic traits or outspoken abt being marginalized or bc you dislike my writing or because you have absolutely nothing better to do (the latter of which is particularly pathetic)

regardless you are weaponizing my identity to either try to terrorize me in general or drive me off of this site. think about how weird that is.

also so many of these asks are laden with an undercurrent of ableism. like, oh my god, the disabled girl is posting a lot ! woah! holy shit! call the fucking news outlets!

oh my god, the disabled girl is showing autism traits on main!!!! should we call autism speaks? should we invite sia?

this isnt even me defending myself, i feel no obligation to defend myself against these fuckers. i just did want to arrange my thoughts for the dash. sometimes talking helps me compose that sort of thing.

[aggressivenesswhilecrying]

Yeahhh, I uh, I had a distinct feeling that the overwhelming love for them that hits me like a tidal wave that I feel I can do absolutely nothing about, was not something most people feel often

I have a question for my own self discovery sake

Is have a f/o like shaking, crying vomiting, I love them so much, why can't they be here so I can kiss his stupid little face, I want to hold her hand and go on a cute little park date and watch as he gets all excited over the birds

(Its the little lunar boys from fnaf, this happens first like two months, it'll calm down, then someone will mention them or I'll see a post about them, and I'm so filled with love that I feel the need to curl into a ball and also vomit)

ok having f/os is different for everyone but yes!!!!that is how i feel a lot of the times!!!

[aroaceleovaldez]

in your most recent tyson post, you said something about leo being distinctly autistic-coded and I was wondering if you could elaborate on that? it sounds really interesting (sorry if you've already posted something on this, I couldn't find anything though)

Of course! I do have a specific tag for talking about Leo's autistic-coding/traits - [here], and [one for Nico as well].

The main aspects with Leo being autistic-coded actually have a lot to do with Nico being autistic-coded, because it's the comparisons between the two that most clearly indicate Leo is autistic-coded rather than it just being his ADHD or etc.

So with Nico being autistic-coded, it's very clear in the Titan's Curse that he's intended to be autistic. First, the first series has a repeating pattern of secondary characters being very distinctly neurodivergent-coded in different ways (Annabeth's adhd/dyslexia, Tyson's down syndrome-coding, Nico's autism-coding). With Nico's introduction, he's pretty stereotypically autistic and we're given a lot of descriptors about him that are notably not attributed to him being ADHD, like it would be for other demigod characters. He doesn't register social cues such as people getting annoyed at him, he's asking/making inappropriate or impolite questions/comments, he gets particularly upset about change (such as Bianca joining the Hunt) and generally gets emotional, and one of his most notable traits he's introduced with is the fact that he has a special interest (MythoMagic) - and we're shown that this special interest particularly colors how Nico navigates the world. While ADHD has hyperfixations, we don't really get much acknowledgement of hyperfixations with demigods usually - Annabeth gets a little, but most others don't and it's not nearly as focused-in on as Nico's is.

Then as the series continues we see these traits stick with him and him start to show or voice more traits that similarly indicate he's autistic: He regularly mentions how he doesn't understand living people and prefers the company of the dead (social issues). He has more notable stims than other demigods (twisting his ring, fiddling with bones, etc). He's indicated to have strong sensory preferences (usually wearing mostly black/aversion to bright colors, usually wearing layers/his coat, multiple times he's described as wearing loose/baggy clothing or clothes too big for him). He has specific comfort items (his ring, likely his jacket(s) as well). We later get even more information about his special interests (Mythomagic/mythology/history and an older interest in pirates - the latter he specifically notes likely heavily influenced his feelings towards Percy). He struggles with emotions and facial expressions and tone. He struggles particularly with ostracism and feeling like he doesn't fit in and has something distinctly different about him from the people around him (who notably, all have ADHD, which indicates it isn't the ADHD that's making him feel that way), and other characters regularly describe him as being off-putting because of his strange behaviors - again, different from specific ADHD traits they recognize. And that last point is kind of notable because we have Hazel and Bianca for comparison - we know people are off-put by both Nico and Hazel because of being children of Hades/Pluto and their powers/aura, but other characters get past that general feeling of discomfort way faster with Hazel. And even after characters get past the death stuff with Nico, there's a second thing that they aren't moving past that isn't a factor with Hazel (Nico's autism).

So that brings us to Leo - Leo is paralleled to Nico a lot. And there's some very specific traits about him that we know are autistic-coding because of how they're used with Nico: He similarly struggles with social cues/etc, and in a very similar parallel to Nico describes how he prefers the company of machines to people because machines make more sense to him. He has similar types of clothing/sensory preferences (again some stuff with layers but also - pockets! He likes having pockets and things to put stuff in! He's even introduced as having a jacket with lots of pockets), and he has a distinct special interest (machinery) that we specifically know heavily influences how he views and navigates the world (constantly comparing things to machinery, describing things with machinery metaphors/terminology, etc etc). He even describes his entire general worldview to Hazel and it's a machine metaphor. He also similarly struggles with ostracization like Nico does, the only difference being that Leo specifically puts on a persona to compensate for areas he knows he's lacking in and very explicitly describes it as a means to make people like him, because without it he normally struggles to fit in (He's masking!). We also see notes of characters describing that similar discomfort with Leo's behaviors that they do with Nico, except without the aura of death this time. And when we're in Leo's POVs we see a very stark difference between his masking and his actual personality/behaviors such as his internal dialogues or how he behaves when he's alone. Also, like Nico, he stims more than other demigods, though for Leo it's more attributed to his ADHD. Leo also, more often than most, similarly struggles with tone and reading the room, such as making misplaced jokes/comments or etc.

But yeah! It's really interesting. Also it's just a fun thing that ADHD/dyslexia and autism have comorbidity, so it makes sense that we see demigods who are also autistic. It's also really fun to look at how other characters are coded in the series, what coding looks like in the riordanverse specifically (usually it's tied into the mythological stuff - like Chiron being in a wheelchair but he's actually a centaur, Grover being introduced as having a muscular disease but he's actually a satyr, demigods having adhd/dyslexia, Tyson being coded as having down syndrome but he's a cyclops, etc etc - it's a lot of specific metaphor stuff that I've talked about a bit before), and to look at how characters are compared to one another.

[proxythe]

dont mistake the reload screenshots for me actually being a reload enjoyer

[relto]

all the emotional beats flew right over my head bc the author decided to introduce dragons WHOOPS

[mammalsofaction]

Y'know what would be really funny? If each of the Flynn Fletcher siblings KNOW/have suspicions about Perry's secret, but they each keep it to themselves for individual reasons. It's been pointed out before that Perry can get REALLY reckless sometimes, and other times the boys are too clever/know Perry way too well.

-CANDACE has actually seen and interacted with Perry in secret agent mode, particularly during the time she thought she was high off her rocker and Perry had to save her from a self destructing volcano. She's had dreams where Perry was a secret agent in them.

-She doesn't bring it up or think about it much bc she just has like. A lot of other more pressing priorities most of the time, which is so valid. Also I lowkey thinks she suspects she's got a hallucination problem, like with the Zebra? I get why she doesn't talk about it out loud: she sounds crazy enough to her mother as is without suddenly talking about how their exotic pet is a sentient secret agent in a fedora.

-FERB figured it out almost immediately that day he and Phineas accidentally fell into Perry's lair and they pretended to be "secret agents" for the day. HE knows he didnt make that lair. Everything was almost toddler sized, but functionally and professionally equipped for a working adult. There were only two "P" s in the family, and it clearly wasn't Phineas. Also? Everything was Platypus themed. He put two and two together.

-I figure he doesn't talk about it bc he lowkey knows why Perry doesn't tell them. He and Phineas have a lot of faith in Perry, and Ferb is a lot less emotional. If Perry refuses to tell them about his double life and where he goes, hes just gonna trust him.

-Im pretty sure PHINEAS subconsciously knows about the secret agent thing. From where? Africa. He 💯 spotted Perry in secret agent mode on the other side of the gulf while hanging from that vine, and between his siblings Phineas is CLEARLY the one who knows what Perry looks like best. He can pick Perry out from colour and smell from every other brown eyed teal platypus in the entire tri-state area. He not only recognizes his paw prints: he knows Perry's healthy weight distribution on them to know whether or not hes injured or limping. Like....my boy can be oblivious and autistic 98% of the time, but Phin is also REALLY self aware and trusting of his own eyes and instincts.

-He doesn't talk about it because hes in denial 👍

[sknolls]

Maybe you'll find this helpful? But I think the concept of intelligence sort of dissipates as you get older. Because everyone works by their own metrics and specialties. Like, I couldn't tell you the first think about biology, that doesn't make me less intelligent than a dedicated biologist. Just means they specialize in something that I don't. And applies to shit that I'm good with too. It's all just experience. Even within the same profession, you wouldn't look at two brilliant artists and go "yep that one's smarter," without coming across as extremely reductionist. It's sort of hard to have a good relationship with a false concept.

I think the main thing that made me dismissive of the concept is that I couldn't define a coherent metric for it. Even as an abstract concept. Is Intelligence a measurement of the amount of information someone knows? One's propensity to learn and accept new information? Is it a collection of general knowledge or is it specialized knowledge? What information constitutes one's intellect? Is it a static variable or one that's in constant flux? Like, I've generally been above average at math in elementary school, but then I hit a brick wall upon reaching higher levels of it, which involved invoking a different set of skills. So, what does that say about my intelligence on the matter? Another potential metric for the concept is one's propensity to think. But the act of thinking, itself, isn't a measurable concept either. Like, it's the closest approximation to how I'll use the words "smart" and "dumb." Basically as ways of saying "you gave me a lot to think about" or "I don't think you've put in enough thought." But there's a more accurate set of words for that: thoughtfulness, nuance, etc. For the sake of comparison, I'd argue that wisdom is an abstract concept, but still a real one. It's the measurement of one's life-experience. It is abstract because it cannot be objectively measured, but its components are commonly understood.

Also, when I coin the term false concept, I'm just saying it's a concept people invoke and attach meaning to despite the concept itself being rather meaningless. When I say an abstract concept, I mean it's a concept that lacks quantifiability and yet still holds meaning.

I personally find talking about concepts and philosophies to be rather annoying because language is fundamentally imprecise. I dont think thats a fault of English specifically. I think it's more that language is how a person translates their thoughts into a format understood by their peers, and I think my autism just gives me a heightened sense of awareness to its function as a translator. Every word carries a degree of nuance and air for interpretation that makes communicating ideals, especially with non-autistic ppl, tedious. That's also why I end up using a lot of big words and coining a lot of terms; feels more precise.

I want to be smart and be seen as smart by others, its one of the only things I latched onto as a pup that could make me feel like I had something that neurotypical people didn't. It's at best a silly fantasy, but since I'm white I don't really know if I can have a productive relationship with "intelligence" in the first place. Much to think about.

[saturnniidae]

oddly specific httyd headcanons part 2?

ABSOLUTELY.

Warning; Most of these are about Hiccup and Astrid bc theyre my blorbos ultimate so sorry in advance if you were hoping for more abt the other riders.

I think Hiccup snorts when he laughs. Like really laughs, not just sarcastic chuckles (annual event). Also his voice is prone to cracking when he giggles.

Astrid is very strict about schedules/routines and finds them comforting. Sudden changes in plans make her upset but considering the nature of battle, it's something she's trained herself to better deal with (doesn't mean she's not gonna go scream into her pillow and throw things later)

She often has to remind Hiccup to eat because he gets so focused on tasks he forgets (average adhd grindset), and she's trying so hard to get Hiccup into having a better routine that focuses on him rather than just his scheduled dragon feeding and grooming regimen. It's a work in progress.

Astrid has a policy on never apologizing for things unless she caused them or can do something to help. To her it makes no sense to say 'im sorry' for something you've had no hand in, and pity is worth nothing. (Autistic ass mindset). She also is so awkward when it comes to comforting people, her face looks like she's constipated when she's concerned and often the best you'll get is an awkward pat on the back or hug (insane to me that in canon she's the 'motivational words gf' when that is So not accurate)

Hiccup gets the worst acne ever when he's on his period, he just has the vibes of someone who would yknow

Hiccup kind of hates communal meals in the great hall. The overlapping noises of so many people talking at once, cutlery scraping on plates, chewing, and benches scraping against the ground is actual torture. He much prefers the calmer atmosphere of dinners on Dragon's Edge

Hiccup would be the type of person to eat shit like sardines and olives on pizza but otherwise be a picky eater I think. Canonically Berks food tastes like shit, so the only thing he likes eating there is the fish. (The food they make on the Edge is so significantly better oh my god)

Hiccup not only snores absurdly loud (he gets it from stoick), but also talks in his sleep. Like fully talks. sometimes Astrid will humor him and respond. It scared the absolute shit out of her the first time they slept in the same room though

Fishlegs also talks and even walks in his sleep sometimes. He's been found wandering Dragon's Edge at night before

The first time Hiccup called Astrid 'M'lady' her face did a weird twitching thing and he was so worried he pissed her off but she was actually trying to figure out how to respond without showing how emotional it made her (him calling her that hits so much harder when you hc them as t4t, also I feel like Astrid's famliy just aren't the kind of people who often use terms of endearment like that)

Hiccup and Astrids first few kisses were actually like, really bad. A mess of their teeth clacking against each other and also horribly awkward since, yknow, they're kids. The first kiss Hiccup initiated he was so nervous he missed Astrid's mouth and had to try again 😭

Funnily enough, despite how eager he was to belive in mythical creatures as a child, Hiccups never been a particularly religious/faithful person and that just became more apparent after the events of When Lightning Strikes (he was So fed up)

Hiccup has that weird combo of being horribly touch starved (being isolated and unintentionally emotionally neglected for most of ur childhood does that) and also not being a huge fan of physical affection from others if he's not the one initating it. When people he's not already super comfortable with touch him or like hug him he freezes up like a deer in headlights

Hiccup learnt to speak French and Latin through frequent interactions with traders that came to Berk when he was younger, he liked hearing their stories and imaging going places far, far away from Berk (pre-httyd Era when he was still a social pariah) and despite his job at the smithy, Hiccup still had significantly more free time than his peers due to lack of training so he had to find other ways to entertain himself.

[moronkyne]

My current opinions and impressions of Redacted Audios Boys and the number of videos of theirs I have watched.

⇨ David Shaw - 8 but most of them aren't even in lore order...

Honestly? I think the fandom can say the same about early David. He wasn't exactly the most ideal partner--But thinking about what he must've had been thinking about himself? Everything that happened with Gabe and the pack? Hell, imagine your dad dies, your relationships are straining, and all of the sudden, your alpha of the damn pack? A lot of pressure. Does this mean most of his actions were justifiable? Not particularly. Again, I didn't listen to a majority of his beginning audios. Mostly the big milestone ones like the proposal, meeting, wedding, sleep aid, etc. Yk. Im just saying that I do understand why David has justified his negativity, not that it was in fact completely justifiable.

You can see where he started to warm up to Angel, and honestly? That was my favorite part. The whole “You would’ve made him (Gabe) laugh.” Had gotten me GOOD. I think that’s where I started to like him. Not that I DISLIKED HIM—Just where I started to like him.

I don’t think I could ever really ‘simp’ for David, ngl, but again…I probably need to go back and actually listen to him. Maybe I’ll do that later today. I’m not sure.

I really do like the Tsundere trope but only if it’s done right, you know? To me, I didn’t really see David as a Tsundere? I don’t know why but the click wasn’t clicking for me. I do really relate to his listener, Angel, though. So—that’s why I’m so confused as to why I don’t care for David as much as I do for characters like Lasko or Morgan.

I do think he’s autistic and I know that’s not really related to any of this but I need to spread the word /j

He gets an 6/10. He’s Chill.

Don’t love him, don’t dislike him. He probably couldn’t stand me but HEY. That’s FINE.

Edit; - A few days later…

BARKK BARK 10/10 DAVBEEYYY COME HOME BABAY UGHNFNNDN NENDNDNDNNSN

[homestuckreplay]

hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today: A Conversation Analysis of Pesterlogs in Acts 1 & 2 of Homestuck

This essay contains spoilers for pages 1-386 of Homestuck. Wordcount 6,700. If you prefer, you can read this on google docs. 

Love and thanks to @rudebreadrolls for being my very cool editor. They did not reduce the wordcount, but did provide some extremely helpful feedback. <3

Introduction

‘In watching our participants deftly manage multiple messages, and then interweave these messages into the larger storylines of their lives, we became aware that the drama, the story, and, indeed, the enjoyment of [instant messaging] comes from the entire session itself: its flow, its arc, and various aspects of narrative tension across messages.’ - Lewis & Fabos (2005)

In 2009, internet use is approaching universality among American teenagers. Around 93% of teenagers use the internet, compared to around 10% just ten years earlier, and academic research about the effects of internet use is beginning to catch up. There is huge variation in findings, with some studies reporting that internet use, social media use, and instant messaging with friends can decrease depression and social anxiety, while other studies find that online activities are harmful to mental health. Similarly, some papers show that friendships formed or maintained online are more surface level, less honest and less emotionally fulfilling than friendships maintained in person, while other papers suggest that young people are more vulnerable and uninhibited online, leading to deeper friendships. 

‘The internet’ and ‘teenagers’ are extremely broad categories, so it’s no surprise that findings are so varied. Two particularly interesting individual findings are that ‘Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth were more likely than non-LGBT youth to have online friends and to appraise these friends as better than their in-person friends at providing emotional support’ (Ybarra et al.), and that ‘online communities illustrate these tenets [belongingness, social connectedness, and political connectedness] of the autistic cultural identity, as well as how these communities, by the basis of being online, enable autistic social connectedness to occur more readily and smoothly then within everyday life in the “real” world’ (Le Vine-Miller). 

Two common hypotheses discussed in online friendship research are the rich-get-richer hypothesis, which posits that popular individuals with good offline social skills can use those same skills to achieve similar popularity online, and the social compensation hypothesis, which argues that people who struggle to form social connections offline often find it far easier to form friendships in online spaces. These hypotheses are not mutually exclusive, and both are supported by research. When discussing Homestuck, I make the assumption that the main characters are friends exclusively online and have never met in person, due to their geographical distance from one another, and that they are socially isolated with few if any in person friends, due to none of the characters mentioning a social life outside of their families and online messaging group. I also believe that whether or not this is intended by the author, it is easy to read these characters as queer and/or neurodivergent, which further positions them as socially marginalized. Therefore, these characters would best fit within the framework of the social compensation hypothesis.

Research on instant messaging (IM) typically discusses IM as a hybrid communication form, incorporating elements of both spoken and written communication, and further suggests that IM is a third form of communication that cannot fully be analyzed by either or both of these frameworks. Significant variation is seen between participants in their use of language and paralanguage, and there is a strong research focus on the capabilities and constraints of IM platforms. Researchers also discuss the varying prevalence of features unique to IM or other computer mediated communication (CMC), such as emojis, acronyms, gestures, and message spacing and timestamps.

However, this research is often limited by researchers’ needs to compare IM to in person communication and judge which is ‘better’. They typically conclude that IM is a lesser form of communication, and that participants in their studies have a preference for talking face to face. This may be because these studies primarily use participants who began using IM as teenagers or college students once they already have strong real life friendships. General studies on IM are less likely to study those who grew up with IM from a young age and who use the medium more akin to a first or native language - an increasingly common phenomenon - which limits the conclusions these studies can draw.

In instant messaging research, most authors rhetorically distance themselves from the topic, with some explicitly stating that they do not use instant messaging services themselves and none (that I found) discussing their own personal experiences. I personally have been a regular user of instant messaging services since the mid 2000s, including both one-on-one and group chats with both online only and in person friends, using primarily MSN Messenger, Skype, Facebook Messenger and Discord, and these experiences inform my discussion of this topic.

In this essay I will explore how Homestuck’s online teenage social group - John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, and gardenGnostic (GG) - communicate with each other and manage friendship via the in-universe instant messaging service Pesterchum. I will discuss what these friendships mean for the characters within the story itself, as well as what the use of instant messaging does for the author and audience who are reading this story. 

I used five Pesterchum conversations to conduct this analysis: John-Rose (p.256 - 332 words), John-Dave (p.386 - 542 words), John-GG (p.293 - 412 words), Rose-Dave (p.333 - 402 words) and Dave-GG (p.382 - 424 words). For each pair of chums, I chose the longest Pesterlog by wordcount between the two characters, with a pesterlog defined as a conversation occurring on a single page of Homestuck. In the end, all these conversations came from the first 140 pages of Act 2. 

I selected eight possible characteristics of instant messages to analyze in these conversations, inspired by, but not identical to, those explored in Kelley’s work ‘The Hybrid Structure of Instant Messaging’ (2008). My categories are as follows.

Grammar - includes punctuation, capitalization, and similarities to formal written language

Conversationality - includes exclamations, filler words, and similarities to informal spoken language

Internet Language - includes internet specific features such as emojis, abbreviations, and methods to emphasize words

Structure - includes length of messages and numbers of consecutive messages

Informativity - how effectively information is conveyed and interpreted

Vulnerability - emotional honesty and openness 

Agency - control over topics and flow of conversation

Color - cultural associations with chosen text color

I was unable to analyze two additional features. Pesterlogs do not include timestamps, so I could not discuss time between messages. However, overlap between messages and events in the narrative suggest that conversations take place in near-real time and are the primary activity holding characters’ attention. Interjections like ‘EB: um… hello?’ suggest that waiting for a response is the exception between these characters and not the norm. Additionally, errors and repair, where one participant makes a typo and corrects it in a subsequent message, do not appear in Homestuck. I assume that this is artistic license on the part of the author to improve readability of the text.

John Egbert

John’s typing style is the most conversational of the four main characters, with the greatest similarities to spoken dialog. He appears to be fairly unfiltered, and it’s easy to imagine that he would talk very similarly if he were hanging out with his friends in person. Grammatically, John does not capitalize proper nouns or the start of sentences, but he does use correct punctuation including commas, periods, and apostrophes. This is his main concession to written language, as correct punctuation makes his messages very readable even for people who are not familiar with instant messaging dialects, and means his statements are clearly delineated from each other. 

John uses contractions such as ‘can’t’ and ‘don’t’ whenever it makes sense to do so. His text contains a lot of filler words, such as ‘well ok,’ ‘like,’ and ‘er…’ which demonstrate his unfiltered, stream of consciousness style. He also uses exclamations such as ‘oh jeez’ and ‘ok ok stop!’ which would also be common to spoken language, but not written. 

John occasionally uses Internet-typical acronyms such as ‘brb,’ but they don’t form a major part of his typing, and he doesn’t make use of emojis or special characters that could indicate paralanguage cues. Once in a while, he uses all caps for emphasis, such as ‘haha I WISH.’ and ‘SO LAME.’ As this is the only capitalization he uses, it’s effective when present. John doesn’t elongate letters in words for emphasis, but he regularly uses question marks and exclamation points, and sometimes elongates these to two question marks or three exclamation points when he wants to indicate that something is particularly important.

John’s messages tend to be short and sweet, mostly containing a single clause or sentence, but there are outliers. When he has particularly strong feelings about something, for example his near-death meteor experience or the idea of a white ventriloquist rapper, he can get caught up in a run-on sentence confined to a single message. In instant messaging, it’s common to split a thought across multiple messages and take several conversational ‘turns’ in a row. John does this sometimes, especially when each message contains separate thoughts or when he needs some time to think, indicated by ‘hmm…’ or ‘see…’ as a single message, followed by a longer response. However, when he is having a singular thought, he doesn’t always take the time to hit the enter key, and instead constructs the whole story at once, as in the example below.

EB: but now i'm trapped here and it's weird and dark and i can't find my dad and i just lost the car and my copy of the game in the pit and i think i have to save the world from the apocalypse!!!

He could have chosen to split this message into multiple parts, as demonstrated below, but is either too caught up in the emotions of what he’s typing to do this, or sees this as a singular thought that should be kept together without line and punctuation breaks.

EB: but now i'm trapped here.EB: and it's weird and dark.EB: and i can't find my dad!EB: and i just lost the car and my copy of the game in the pit!EB: and i think i have to save the world from the apocalypse!!!

John can be vague with information, using ‘i think’ and ‘i guess,’ but he seems to be aware of that fact - possibly from communicating with the same people for an extended time. He sometimes self corrects to add more information when he realizes he’s being confusing. In general, he doesn’t seem to have perfect control over language, and can use awkward and clunky phrasing - ‘yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!’ - which ties back to the social compensation hypothesis of online friendships. John isn’t a smooth talker, but it’s easier for him to talk through IM, because it provides more opportunities to self correct, and his conversation partner can read back over what he’s said and take more time to interpret it than they could in a spoken conversation.

John is honest with his friends about the situations he’s in, and the unfiltered way he talks carries a lot of implicit emotion, but it’s rare for him to outright state how he feels. When he does, it’s always more neutral emotions - ‘ok i don’t really care.’ or ‘but i’m ok!’ - never strong emotions, either positive or negative. However, it’s easy for someone who knows him to interpret how he feels through messages like ‘you never even wished me a happy birthday!’ It seems that John isn’t making an attempt to hide his emotions, but also doesn’t explicitly acknowledge them, whether that’s just to his conversation partners or also to himself.

John’s conversational agency is highly variable. He seems to naturally take the lead in conversations when he has strong opinions about the topic under discussion, like when he tells Dave to stop an extended monologue, or changes the topic away from Dave’s criticism of his sylladex. In his conversations with both Dave and GG, he seems to be guiding the flow of topics, even though Dave is sending far more and longer messages. In contrast, in his conversation with Rose, John is taking a backseat. He recognizes that he has less information than she does, although he sometimes pushes back against her with emotional interjections. He still attempts to exert agency in the conversation by asking questions, but she overall appears in control.

John’s chosen color for his messages is #0715cd, which is described as ‘medium blue’ or ‘strong blue.’ Blue in its entire spectrum is currently seen as a masculine color, and is associated with oceans, sky, open spaces, introspection, sadness, wisdom and serenity. This particular shade of blue is closely linked to computers - the standard HTML code for hyperlinks, including the ‘next page’ links in Homestuck, is #0000ee, ‘blue’ or ‘pure blue.’ John’s text evokes his status as a ‘digital native’ who predominantly spends his time using technology. Blue is also a standard color for ink pens, and a color most people are accustomed to reading in. John may have chosen blue for his text because it is unobtrusive and doesn’t stand out in any particular way.

Rose Lalonde

Rose’s typing style stands out because of the four main characters, she is the only one whose messages reflect formal written writing. Outside of messages she is both a creative writer and an informative writer (via GameFAQs), and unlike some writers, she doesn’t draw a strong distinction between this and her instant messaging. Without exception, her messages are complete sentences with correct punctuation and grammar. She also obeys some stylistic guidelines for writing, such as varying her word choice, mixing complex, multi-clause sentences with shorter ones, and occasionally using metaphor and simile. 

Rose does not use filler words, and each word she chooses appears purposefully placed to add something to her message. She does make use of contractions such as ‘I’ve’ and ‘didn’t,’ as her one concession to spoken language, although she uses the full ‘cannot.’ She also makes some use of exclamations, although in the sample studied here this still appear to be carefully considered full sentences, such as ‘Baseless accusation!’

Rose appears to have no interest in tailoring her writing to the Internet. Some users of IM believe that using internet language and paralanguage makes them appear younger and less intelligent, which could motivate Rose to avoid these. The one acronym she uses is ‘PDA,’ which is an accepted acronym outside of IM, and the closest she comes to slang is the phrase ‘skyward asses.’ This phrase is more likely an example of mimicry, where somebody uses a phrase they would not normally use to (whether intentionally or unintentionally)  imitate their conversation partner, in this case Dave.

Rose does make use of message spacing and multiple turns, the one clear difference between her instant messages and other forms of writing. She averages around 10 words per message, the highest of the four characters, and sends strings of two to three messages more often than single messages. Each message can be as many as three full sentences, which are always directly related. Her message strings can be due to topic changes, but can be directly related thoughts separated for stylistic effect or to create tension by making her conversation partner wait for the next message.

Rose clearly pays great attention to precision in her writing, conveying all necessary information without shortcuts. She uses a wide vocabulary for her age, with sentences typically readable at a high school level, and expects her conversation partners to be able to understand her. She is also excessively verbose, choosing words to showcase her personality and intelligence, instead of trying to send the quickest messages possible, as in the example below.

TT: Navigating the urban landscape I'm sure is difficult enough without an obstacle course of deferential flesh and skyward asses.TT: Perhaps adapting the art of parkour to your unique environment would help?

Rose could instead write the following, which is significantly quicker to type and easier to read, but she does not.

TT: Being in the city must be hard enough without people falling at your feet.TT: Have you tried parkour?

Many researchers hypothesize that response speed is a big factor in people’s IM word usage, but this is not true for Rose - even when her life is in imminent danger, her typing style does not change. This is probably uncommon, but no ethics board has yet approved a research study investigating this.

Rose’s messages typically stick to the facts, with occasional speculation. She prefers to discuss the specifics of her situation and goals, and avoids obvious cues to her emotions. In both conversations analyzed, she offers one emotion-based statement at the end of the conversation, which could suggest one of two things - either she needs to take some time to warm up to a conversation before she’s comfortable expressing an emotion, or she’s so uncomfortable expressing an emotion that she needs to leave immediately afterwards. In both cases, the emotions remain somewhat buried within intentionally complex language.

Rose naturally takes charge in conversations, and prefers to discuss topics she feels knowledgeable on. When talking to John, she employs subtle topic shifts to focus on what she knows for certain and what is directly actionable. She also explicitly refers to doing outside research to be better informed in this conversation. When talking to Dave, Rose engages in conversational sparring where neither party is in charge of the flow, and is thrown off when Dave is able to take control over the conversation by seeing through her surface words to the motives beneath.

Rose’s message color is #b536da, described as ‘bright magenta’ or ‘dark orchid.’ Purple is broadly associated with royalty, power, magic, night, creativity, and enlightenment. It is also a feminine color, and surveys suggest it is a more popular color for women than the archetypically feminine pink. In Rose’s case I would highlight purple as a spooky and mysterious color, distinct from black (which is most likely the Pesterchum default color), which she may have chosen due to her interest in horror and her desire to appear mysterious. ‘Purple prose’ is also a common term for unnecessarily extravagant and fanciful writing, which on the meta level of the story, could be a good description of Rose’s typing overall.

Dave Strider

Dave’s typing style is extremely minimalist, stripped of most signifiers of spoken, written, and internet language. He very rarely uses capitalization or punctuation - he sometimes uses question marks when relevant, but not always. ‘what do you want with john’ leaves the question mark implied. Dave does however make extensive use of quotation marks, which he uses to roleplay with himself and create hypothetical characters on the fly. He is a writer like Rose, creating blogs and webcomics, and this shows in his extensive instant message monologues. However, as all of his writing intentionally breaks the formal rules of written language, his messages share very few similarities with standard writing and are mostly incomplete sentence fragments.

Dave uses filler words and conversational slang, and contractions without an apostrophe. He regularly uses ‘yeah,’ ‘what,’ ‘look,’ ‘ok,’ ‘damn,’ and ‘shit,’ which are written out even though they don’t add additional meaning to his messages. Despite this, his typing overall reads as less conversational than John, partly because the lack of punctuation means his words don’t have the clear cadence of speech. 

Dave does not use emojis or laughter, which connects to the overall lack of emotion in his messages. He occasionally uses acronyms such as ‘FU’ and ‘nm’ which are exclusive to internet language. In his case, this might indicate that he has no interest in the topic under discussion and doesn’t think it’s worth the attention of a full message, as he has no issue writing far longer messages when he has the inspiration. His other hobbies indicate that Dave is familiar with Internet culture overall, so not using internet language is a conscious choice he makes - perhaps he thinks this style of messaging is no longer cool.

According to my editor who is cool for real, being taciturn (untalkative and reserved) is a classic trait of “cool guys,” suggesting that Dave uses acronyms when he is focused on his cool persona, and writes longer messages when he gets swept away in his thoughts and forgets to put on this act.

Dave averages around seven words per message, although the sample taken did not include any of his raps, which could potentially raise this number. In his conversations with Rose and John, he sends significantly more messages than his conversation partner. With GG he sends a similar number of messages, but in all three conversations, Dave has a much higher total wordcount. He clearly has a lot to say and has no qualms about saying it as often as he likes. There are also only two occasions where he includes two separate sentences in the same message, and he regularly splits up a sentence across multiple messages, such as when he sends ‘cal is dope’ ‘puppets are awesome’ ‘john egbert blows’ as three separate entries. Dave’s general lack of punctuation means that the enter key is the closest thing he has to a comma or period, which could explain his greater tendency to split messages. Alternatively, the fact that he is generally extroverted and enjoys talking could mean that he sends one message at a time and then continues to add additional thoughts until his conversation partner responds.

Dave is fairly vague with information as it pertains to his own life, saying that he ‘took [his] awesome katana’ to the living room ‘in case things get too hot to handle’ without elaboration. It is possible that he is working on the assumption that his friends already know about his life. Alternatively, he may not want his friends to know these details, or he may simply want to appear cool and mysterious. When talking about a hypothetical scenario, Dave gets a lot more specific and highly detailed. This shows that he has a strong and active imagination and has no trouble conveying information when he chooses to do so.

Dave is highly defensive when criticized by his friends, even on things that do not particularly matter. He is also extremely opinionated and expresses this often, using a lot of language that is strongly positively or negatively charged. This definitely gives a sense of his personality, and could perhaps be mistaken for emotion, but it’s very hard to get a sense of how he actually feels from his messages. The only emotion he expresses is frustration – despite his desire to talk to his friends often and extensively, he interjects often with ‘oh for fucks sake,’ ‘ok whatever’ or ‘whenever we talk about your goofy modusses i get a migrane [sic]’. It is uncertain if this frustration is how he genuinely feels, or if this is part of an overall affectation crafted to hide more vulnerable feelings.

Dave tries to maintain agency in conversations primarily by holding the floor. In his conversation with John he sends nine consecutive messages, by far the most of any character in the samples taken. When taking these multiple turns, there is less of a chance for his conversation partner to change topics or disrupt the flow. When his friends get a word in edgewise, Dave does accede to topic changes and will stop talking if instructed. He often doesn’t have as much control over his conversations as he’d like, and with both John and Rose, he regularly plays defense against their differing opinions, such as when Rose suggests he might be gay due to refusing to play a game with her, and he tries to assert that he’s just busy.

Interestingly, Dave is just as wrongfooted in his conversation with GG as he is with John and Rose, but he does not act anywhere near as defensive. This may be because John and Rose are intentionally trying to throw him off balance, while GG is simply stating their greater knowledge without a motivation.

Dave’s chosen text color is #e00707, described as ‘vivid red’ or ‘electric red.’ Red is overall associated with heat, fire, passion, danger, blood, anger, love, and courage. It is thought of as a highly emotional color and is eye-catching and difficult to miss on the page. Dave could have chosen to type in red because it gives his messages a sense of urgency, meaning his friends might respond to him more quickly, like when a red flag or exclamation point is added to an email to indicate high priority. A red flag is also a metaphor used to indicate a problem requiring attention – Dave’s red text could mean he either has a problem that isn’t being addressed, or will go on to cause problems for others. Red text is also used in schools to correct errors, and Dave talking in red feels like he is always correcting his friends on their opinions and beliefs.

gardenGnostic

GG has adapted their typing style to the instant messaging medium more than any other character. An online typing style seeks to replicate not only spoken and written dialog, but also paralanguage cues, and adapts itself to the specific medium where the conversation is happening – in this case Pesterchum. In some programs, this could include adding images or external files to a message, or changing font style and size, although we have seen no indication of these being supported on Pesterchum. One of GG’s concessions to the medium is primarily using punctuation for emphasis and effect, not grammar. GG also varies on whether or not they use contractions, sometimes using ‘im’ and ‘dont’ but sometimes using the extended form ‘it is’ – this lack of consistency could again suggest that this is done for effect. 

GG s does not always use full sentences, for example using ‘mr cool guy?’ as a sentence when it’s really just a fragment. As such, GG’s messages don’t resemble written language in any meaningful way besides being technically written down.

GG uses filler words such as ‘well,’ ‘anyway,’ ‘so,’ and ‘oh!!!!’ as a way of changing the topic while acknowledging that they are doing so. This is their main concession to spoken language, softening their messages and indicating that they are paying attention to their conversation partner and the overall flow of topics.

GG is the only character to make regular use of emojis, and uses a variety of them. :), :O, :D, ._., O_O and <3 all appear in their text at some point, either as responses in their own right or at the end of another message. They also sometimes use long and drawn out words for emphasis or sarcasm, such as ‘sooooo cooooooool!!!’ As indicated in the same phrase, they are prone to using long strings of exclamation points and ellipses – up to seven exclamation points at once and an eight-period ellipses, both when talking to Dave. They use both ‘lol’ and ‘hehehe’ to indicate laughter. 

These adaptations could suggest that GG is accustomed to talking to people on the internet – perhaps they have grown up regularly using chatrooms and have adopted internet communication from here. The opposite could also be true. GG could be accustomed to conversations in real life, and could be making use of these features as they are the only way to convey facial expressions, tone and body language that would come across automatically in person.

GG averages around five words per message, the lowest of the four characters. Their average is brought down by their single-emoji messages (each counted as one word) and their extensive use of message splitting. There are only a few occasions where they include two sentence clauses in a single message, and sometimes they even break up a single clause, seemingly for anticipation – for example ‘it is usually……..’ ‘intense!!!’ as two separate messages. Overall, GG sends fewer words than their conversation partners, but sends a similar number of messages. They don’t appear to be mimicking the number of messages sent, as in their conversation with John, each of them gets a chance to hold the floor and tell a longer story. 

GG conveys information clearly, but obscures its source. Their sentences are easy to interpret linguistically, but content wise can appear nonsensical, as they make wild claims that cannot be backed up by available evidence and expect their conversation partners to take this on faith. When questioned how they know these things, GG states ‘i don’t know’ ‘i just know that i know!’ Interestingly, GG does not offer this same faith to their friends, asking John ‘how did you know??’ when he correctly guesses that a meteor explosion happened near her house.

GG’s messages contain almost exclusively positive emotions, and these tend to be exaggerated. Even when discussing restrictions on their own life, they soften more negatively charged messages with a brighter tone and liberal use of exclamation points - ‘i dont think i could if i tried!!!’ GG might be uncomfortable discussing their own negative emotions and any problems in their life, but they’re happy to discuss and even speculate on other people’s feelings. They commiserate with John when he’s upset about losing his neighborhood and potentially his dad to the meteor collision, and they suggest that their pet Bec thinks their own local meteor is dangerous and is trying to protect GG from it. It’s possible that focusing on other people in this way serves to divert attention from GG’s own emotions, allowing them to maintain that positivity whether or not it is true.

GG appears fairly savvy regarding social dynamics and conversational practice, more so than any of the other characters. They seem to maintain agency in conversations whether or not they are actually taking the lead. When talking to Dave, they dispense information slowly and on their own terms, taking advantage of their own superior knowledge. This technique for maintaining tension in a conversation has also been noted in research. GG also utilizes more subtle techniques to manipulate the affect of others, gently poking fun at Dave’s coolness and telling John that all the bad things happening to him might actually be his destiny. This understanding of their friends’ feelings is a unique skill within the friend group.

GG’s text color is #4ac925, also known as ‘strong lime green’ or ‘harlequin green’ - ‘harlequin’ specifically linking them with John, whose house is covered in harlequins. Green in all its variations is associated with nature and plants, growth, life, envy, money, and both health and sickness. Somebody being ‘green’ can mean they are naive or new to something, and GG certainly seems to have a bright and idealistic worldview. Bright green is a fairly gender neutral color and could be used by someone who doesn’t want to associate with either masculinity or femininity. More generally, GG may have selected a bright color to indicate a fun-loving person who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. GG is also the only character whose screen name – gardenGnostic – directly relates to their text color, with the phrase ‘green thumb’ referring to somebody with a talent for gardening. Lime specifically is a type of fruit, potentially one GG could grow if they live in a hot climate.

Analysis (in universe)

When Homestuck begins, John, Rose, Dave and GG already have an established friendship. We don’t see their early interactions or learn how long they’ve been friends, but they know each other well enough to exchange real full names and home addresses, and send each other expensive birthday gifts. As online communities in this era focus on anonymity and internet safety, with many users exclusively going by their screen names, this indicates a close and long term friendship.

Furthermore, these characters have a deep involvement in each other’s day to day lives. One criticism of online friendships in research is that they will always be more surface level than in person friendships, as online friends cannot exist in each other’s space, with their interactions limited to an online setting and sometimes a specific online activity, such as gaming. The rise of smartphones may see this change in the real world, and it’s reflected in Homestuck – John has adopted his dad’s PDA while Dave owns an iPhone, a top of the line technology first released in 2007. Both of them can now talk to their friends from anywhere with internet signal.

Even without portable devices, these characters’ conversations deal with the minutiae of their movements. Dave mentions moving from his bedroom to the living room, John discusses looking for his dad, GG talks about having to go feed a pet, and Dave and GG even consider whether John has checked his mail today. They are about as involved in other people’s lives as geographically distant friends can possibly be, even without accounting for Sburb. They do not exclusively talk about shared interests or focus on the most exciting things happening to them. 

In some ways, their relationship is closer to roommates or colleagues – people who spend enough time together every single day that they don’t always enjoy each other’s company, but they continue to navigate how to share space. This is even indicated by the application name ‘Pesterchum,’ with ‘chum’ being a colloquial term for a friend, and ‘pester’ meaning to trouble, disturb, or annoy persistently.

In Homestuck, this shared space is a digital space and all four of them are free to disconnect at any point. Leaving a house or a job is complex, but online there are infinite chatrooms and forums these kids could explore to find new friends, and Pesterchum almost certainly has a ‘blocked users’ function if any of them wanted to cut the others out of their lives. Online friends are friends who continually make the choice to be in each other’s lives without circumstances dictating this, and it is a sign of a strong bond, maturity, and the acceptance of others’ quirks that four thirteen year olds are making this choice despite personality differences and sometimes visible annoyance with each other. 

All four characters have strong and well established typing styles that they don’t significantly modify based on their conversation partner. While they might use an individual turn of phrase borrowed from a friend, they keep the same stylistic features, which is not always the case for IM users. Some real world users may be inclined to, for example, use capitalization if their conversation partner does this also, for fear of standing out negatively.

It’s certainly possible that they would change styles when talking to somebody outside their social group, and the biggest limitation of this analysis is that we only have Pesterlogs between these existing close friends. It would be very interesting to see these characters talk with strangers or acquaintances, and compare these with their in-group chats. It would also be interesting, if any of these characters ever meet in person – as John and Rose may if she is able to enter the Sburb universe – to compare their spoken dialog to their Pesterlogs.

One research group noted that young people did not subscribe to ‘an artificial distinction between the corruption of online space and the sanctuary of the home’ (Valentine et al.), as their participants broadly believed that harmful content online could also be found offline. I believe that on both its in-universe and meta levels, Homestuck begins by drawing this boundary in the opposite direction. The work presents Pesterchum as a sanctuary from the troubles of the offline world, and the home as the corrupt space where unpleasant entities invade on the characters’ lives and minds. 

Homestuck may go on to interrogate this dichotomy via Sburb, but its early position does reflect a reality. Many young people don’t view the home as a sanctuary, and are forced to find community and collective identity elsewhere. These characters’ geographical isolation is not their only problem; all four have tense relationships with their families due to a disconnect in identities or expectations. And due to their differences in personality and hobbies, there is likely a common factor linking these four kids together. 

Queer communities and neurodivergent communities have been found to flourish online, and these communities often more easily understand the communication styles of others within the group, while those outside the group may struggle. I believe that the characters all belonging to one of these groups could explain the strength of their friendship, and the reason they feel most comfortable in online spaces.

Analysis (out of universe)

Zooming out one layer further, I’ll consider the implications that Pesterchum has on Homestuck as a work and its audience.

So far, Homestuck only has one line of spoken dialog – the word “Stop!” used by Dave on page 354. As such, Pesterlogs are not a supplement to spoken conversations, they are a substitute. Pesterlogs are effective in that they can make use of the stylistic features discussed in this essay to add characterization. These features show how the author views their characters, as well as how the characters view themselves, given their control (in universe) over their messages. In a story where the narrator appears to be a character, with their own perspectives filtering the thoughts of John, Rose, Dave and GG, it is valuable to give these characters a chance to make themselves heard directly through their messages.

A webcomic is an exclusively online medium, and while some aspects of the Internet (such as social media) are becoming mainstream, webcomics still attract niche audiences of people who spend a lot of time online. While a few have broken from their confines, such as xkcd, these tend to be single-strip serialized comics like those found in newspapers, not longform stories like Homestuck. As such, it’s a reasonable assumption that Homestuck readers are probably also instant messenger users – and that they likely have online friends and acquaintances, read other webcomics, look at memes, read or maintain blogs, play video games, and may even have a basic knowledge of coding. The average audience member has already experienced the different multimedia formats that Homestuck plays with, and can relate these to their own experiences online.

Instant messaging chatlogs are just one of many formats that slot perfectly into a webcomic, not only because the medium allows for them on a technological level, but because of this assumed familiarity that would not be present in other groups. A Pesterlog could appear in a different form of fiction, such as a novel or even a poem, but novel and poetry readers skew to an older and less online demographic. They may struggle to interpret Dave’s coolguy slang, GG’s emojis, or the significance of Rose’s perfect grammar, while reading messages and gaining an implicit sense of character comes naturally to IM users.

John, Rose, Dave and GG’s typing styles are all different enough that, even without chumhandles or colors, it would be easy to determine who was speaking just from their messages - something much easier for an author to achieve in IM versus spoken dialog. It also reflects the reality that, far from being the homogenous wall of acronyms expected by writers and researchers who don’t use IM, people do type in a wide range of styles that reflect their actual and assumed personalities. IM users exercise a certain amount of control over how to present themselves, but their choices here reveal many clues to their underlying selves.

Finally, Homestuck successfully and sympathetically portrays a different lifestyle to what’s commonly found in fiction about teenagers. Television shows commonly explore the social and popularity dynamics of high schoolers forced into the same building, and while unpopular characters may well be protagonists, giving them friends and love interests at school is necessary to tell the story. Characters who are entirely socially isolated in real life need to have this factor changed before they can be three dimensional and participate in the narrative. This means that a character who lives online is typically a caricature, shown either as an unfortunate and inept loser who needs to be ‘fixed’ (or is beyond help), or a naive and uneducated child who will learn a lesson about internet safety when someone they talk to online turns out to not be who they claim. 

In Homestuck, in person social dynamics are nonexistent or irrelevant. Online friendships are allowed to meet characters’ social needs with peers of their own age, and are never shown as lesser than other kids for having these online social lives. While the narrator gently pokes fun at characters for their mishaps, these jabs aren’t based on their popularity or ‘weird’ status. To an online audience, many of whom are or were in the same position as these main characters, Homestuck earnestly validates how fulfilling and meaningful an online, instant messenger based friendship can be. In my opinion, this is one of its greatest strengths as a work.

--

Here is a list of sources used in this essay 

Thanks so much to anyone who read all this! :D

[tapwater118]

pinned post jumpscare blauughh

pronouns.cc | strawpage

hiya i’m flower!

i'm plural i think. i (the host) also go by golf ball, GB, box, gaty, maddie, tap water, tap, captain coinpin (<- silly), etc. queer person on the internet with too many names, check

collectively tap/tap water, she/they, 21 y.o. (individual names/pronouns can be found in the pronouns.cc)

fictkin with a bunch of weird blorbos (if you couldn’t tell from the first part)

i like various things and then will proceed to draw them. big fat bfdi/osc special interest mostly (i am a huge multishipper (based) btw so erm yeah)

feel free to use my art and such as pfps/banners/whatever, just give credit pls

let the record show that i am bad at using social media so uh i am probably a terrible mutual sorry in advance

also if i like over explain something to you please do not take it as a slight against you, i am just autistic (as if it wasn’t obvious)

if ya wanna know more, feel free to shoot up the ask box or dms, i love answering questions. i also like taking requests over asks! just note that it may be some time before i get around to your request

(regarding dms, please come in with something more than ‘hi’. i’m not comfortable initiating conversation with someone im not familiar with.)

(also don’t flirt with me. you don’t have a rat’s chance)

strawpage stuff and other incoherent ramblings are over at @taps-other-blog so look there!

also pleeease tag fireafy neg around me ty. im not even really attached to that ship its just neg about it can really put me in a bad mental state for some unknown and probably dumb reason

if you ship and/or support adult/minor, incest, zoo, etc get tf away from me ewwwwww nasty

things you’ll probably see me blabber about/draw at some point:

object shows (particularly bfdi, but i also fw inanimate insanity, hfjone, boto, animatic battle, team room 125, orb, tnm, burner, object kerfuffle, love of the s*n, ppt2, itft, ee, and others im probably forgetting) (oh and idfb fear garden tee hee)

mario

kirby

pikmin

undertale/deltarune

pizza tower

fnf

homestuck

fnaf

petscop

horror stuff in general

regretevator

to be expanded once i remember more stuff

(art may be suggestively crude in humor but never nsfw)

(also if you ask i can always add tags to stuff if you have something in particular you want to mute, i dont mind)

i am working on some cool projects i think you should check them out because they are cool:

Occasionally Coinpin: hosted over at @occasionallycoinpin. posting coinpin, occasionally (the main reason you don’t see coinpin content here all that often)

Book Askblog: hosted at @twotonedhardcover, where i pretend to be a gay little novel for shits and giggles

Battle for Hopes and Dreams: a bfdi x undertale au that puts the characters of bfdi in the world of undertale. tagged as “#battle for hopes and dreams”

Competition for Fantasy Retreat: a bfdi swap au that swaps characters’ compositions and parts of their personalities. tagged as “#competition for fantasy retreat”

BfDI 1990: an unfiction reimagining of bfdi as an NES game from 1990. tagged as “#BfDI1990” (unreality content warning for this). please note that this is NOT an ARG, there is no game or puzzle to be solved, it is simply unfiction

Tap’s BFDI D-Side: a bfdi d-side take, where characters’ designs and personalities are remixed for something new and refreshing! (based on fnf d-sides obviously) tagged as “#tap’s bfdi d side”

BFDI Redux: a hypothetical bfdi season 6, featuring many of the tpot rejects as well as underutilized veterans. tagged as “#bfdi redux”

OSC horror content: i like turning the silly blorbos into fucked up evil creatures. general tag is “#FLApasta” but each story has its own separate tag (general content warning for these)

other tags i’ll use frequently i think:

“#asks” all the crud that ends up in my inbox and also some very nice things. it is a mystery

“#yap fest” for general inane ramblings. i say some very stupid things

“#ultra yap fest” for long posts, including rants and character analyses

“#slop tier post” art and other things that are generally below a certain threshold of quality i hold for myself. i’m probably too harsh on myself but oh well

“#word salad yummy yummy” fanfic stuff. im on ao3 and wattpad if ya didnt know

“#top tier post” “#all the day every day” “#one for the ages” posts that i really really like. usually from moots

“#literally me” fictkin id posts. you get it. no you don’t. i don't get it either

“#oiny” wife

list of Friends :D

@booktaggy

@bottle-ditzy

@depraced

@lemonxlimee

@novaazurite

@ohmysheetmetal

@sourscheming

@therandomcreechur

@twig-gy

[biggie-chcese]

ranking rain code lets plays on how much i enjoy/would recommend them

hi did you know i am incredibly autistic about this game and have watched, in full, several lets plays of it? and im still going? haha yeah im normal. anyway here goes... all lets plays ive watched from best to worst:

#1 Highest recommendation: JustOneGamr. ESPECIALLY for people who are going in blind. im so serious. it's the best way to experience as much of the game as possible without playing it yourself. They go through all of the content, side quests, gumshoe gabs, profiles, DLC, and even most of the flavor text. it's also a no commentary run, which i personally see as a massive boon because they aren't influencing your opinions of the game

#2: Pixel Partners. they've got real good vibes and they actually do the side quests. it's also fun to listen to their theories and see their reactions. they're one of the few who dont spend their time complaining and give more valid constructive criticisms than others. they also have the funniest reaction to the chapter 5 reveal

#3: JohnAwesome. his humor sometimes isn't particularly for me but boy is his lets play enjoyable. also has lots of positive vibes and is generally pretty entertaining. i dont remember if he does side quests but im pretty sure he does. he will easily make chapter 4 even more gut wrenching thanks to a very specific kind of incompetence on his part, which in hindsight is really funny

#4: NyanCave. they're pretty fun and also have great vibes! i like their chemistry a lot. they have some pretty good theories and good jokes, but they will spend a lot of time on responding to chat donations. this is fine like get that bag kings but if you're impatient like me it might get annoying after a while lol. it's especially bad in chapter 5, where the tension dies because of their waifu fight donations

#5: NicoB. I was never really a NicoB fan because he's a bit too loud and high energy for me, but his rain code lets play is still pretty good! he seems to have fun playing the game and even has a few good jokes. i think he does the side quests which is a plus but i could be misremembering. i still quote "and now back to yuma crackhead" to this day so there's that

#6: Faz Faz. This another no commentary run but for people who are in a rush. they go through the game as quickly as possible. frankly, i think these kinds of lets plays are not as good as the ones that go through the sidequests, but hey, it's there if you just want the main plot and gumshoe gabs

#7: Save Data. I don't recommend this one to people experiencing rain code for the first time because they will talk over the cutscenes and dialogue and that will get annoying. they also complain quite a bit about the same things over and over which can also get tiresome (im sorry guys i do Not care about graphics as much as you do). however, they're really funny and it's good for a second or third experience of the game. "this city..." is a highly prevalent vocal stim for me thanks to them. they will shit on on the game often though, so if you really love rain code and dont want to hear that, then avoid this one lol. but you do get to see my art at the end of their vids! that's pretty cool!

#8: Rat Attack. i straight up don't recommend this one. it's easily the worst one i've seen and that's sad because i really love their pngtuber avatars. they're not finished with the game yet and that's probably because they spend so much time ranting and yapping about everything else, or just concocting the most baffling theories known to man and spending wayyy too much time on them. you will also hear a lot of unfunny halara gender jokes sorry. sometimes they are funny in other ways but it's honestly not worth it unless you're like me and keep watching out of obsession for the game.

that's all the ones ive watched in full (so far)! here's a couple others i haven't seen in full but have seen small parts of:

Weeby Newz - she's got some fun reactions from what ive seen and is pretty funny too. i have only really watched her play chapters 4 and 5 though, so i cant give a full opinion. i dont care for yakou fathero as a concept though and she seems pretty heavy on that, but if you like that you may enjoy her let's play. i may go back and finish it soon!

CurtStreamy - genuinely very funny from what ive seen though in chapter 5 his whole crew has a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of makoto's character, which can be a little irritating. either way, most of it is great but his live chat sucks. i still need to watch the rest in full to form a full opinion

CrystAAHHL - ohhh she did Not like this game lmao. she is a based makoto enjoyer though. i only watched the highlight reel though i think watching her full streams would just make me tired. i personally dont like watching lets plays if the person playing isnt having any fun

JazzyGuns - unfinished but she is really funny and has good vibes. if you can cope with her probably never finishing the game then go for it

khee chu - im still in the process of watching this one in full but it's fun so far. i will say CHECK OUT KHEE'S MERCH AND SHINIGAMI X JUNKO ART!!! THE ART IS RLY CUTE!!!!

and that's everything! there's other lesser known ones out there but im just one guy i cant watch em all despite how determined i am to do so </3 above all else i want people to get the game but like, yknow, some folks dont got $60 to spend on a game lol. anyway have fun and happy watching!

[mickdalena]

okay brief(ish) post about monkees trans hcs because im procrastinating:

DAVY: obviously a trans man no doubt about it ! possible to say he knew really early and hormone blocked his way out of ever growing boobs but personally i like to pretend he just binds and isn't really shirtless all the time . i think he met the guys when he was already transitioning and stealth but ended up coming out after a while anyway . he told peter first and then micky and then mike , and he was most stressed about mike so it took a really long time , but ofc mike loves him no matter what ! davy gets a lot of dysphoria because he is so young and it feels like the T takes forever but they are all so supportive and always try to reaffirm him in little ways, especially peter

MIKE: a girl! forever and always <3 technically genderfluid in my mind and I don't think she's that bothered about pronouns (prefers she/her but whatever) and also she still goes by just mike. i think it took her a REALLY long time to realize and accept she was trans after she learned what it was from davy, and it made her start to lash out because she couldnt wrap her head around it for ages. once shes out she's not fussed about presenting particularly fem most of the time, she keeps her hair (and sideburns) mostly the same, but she does go on estrogen. she wears really long skirts and button ups, she does her hair all nice and micky puts makeup on her sometimes 🥹 she doesn't come out to people outside of the pad for conveniences sake but peter is not very good at switching between pronouns so he accidentally says she or her sometimes, leading to a very elaborate story about a distant cousin peter supposedly speaks of out of the blue. i have so much more to say but that is the gist , oh girlmike how i love you

PETER: honestly anything ! im quite fond of transmasc peter but he's definitely fluid in some way, transmasc or transfem, everything works. peters never really understood gender anyway (autistic) so he easily accepts davy and mike no questions asked , and again he is sometimes such a good ally he gets them in trouble. peter is a pioneer for genderaffirming thrift store finds , he loves to make jewellery for mike after she comes out, and he is the one who made davy's binder! it took a lot of checking and re-checking and it's still much looser than it could be because peter refuses to risk anything but it gets the job done . ough love him

MICKY: another wildcard. personally i think micky is bigender more than fluid (he/she pronouns) but rly he does not care, he's never understood gender either (ADHD) and so he just does what he likes and has a good time. after davy came out to mike micky felt way more safe and confident in trying more gnc clothes and it's why she stopped straightening her hair and got the tablecloth and etc. micky also LOVES makeup and face painting and for a while was trying to make her own products until there was a particularly colourful explosion that got her banned from anything but store-bought. micky switches mike's pronouns about the most because he is literally genderblind and davy finds it very funny whenever he'll change his mind mid-sentence, but it leads to a lot of confusion for everyone else . oh also micky transfem or transmasc both are real and true

[sodaslug]

hii there ! you can call me ruru or toffuu, i am plural however generally no other will post on here apart from me, ruru. please read this through for more information about me 🤍

⭐ . about disabilities & disorders of mine

im a high-complex support needs autistic / level 3 autistic with an intelectual disability (low iq). this means i heavily struggle with expressing what i mean correctly and process language differently. also have continued late regression of skills.

i have many disabilities and disorders. please be mindful, respectful and patient with me. Moderate ADHD Combined type, Mild visual impairment, learning disabilities, on the shizophrenic spectrum and mentally ill.

hypermobile enhlers danlers syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic joint pain, unexplained momentary paralysis of the legs, medically suspected arthritis.

semiverbal with speech impairment, late met speech milestone. generally part time aac device user.

mildly hard of hearing and future wheelchair user.

⭐ . about my identity & who i am

im an intersex nonbinary transgirl, im also transfemneu and transxenofem and cistrans. i use a lot of xenogenders and am a pansexual lesbian.

i use shi/hir, kid/kidself, pie/pieself, mew/mewself pronouns for the most part, if you struggle with abstract pronouns, you may just use my name or it/itself.

⭐ . what will be on this account?

me rambling and silly posting, talking about my interests as well as my disabilities and my day.

continue below for further information on my beliefs and interests as well as tags.

⭐ . what are my stances / beliefs on things?

i support all types of queer folk and their identities and what they are, no matter if contradictory or not.

i support all plural folk no matter of origin or what labels they use, i wont exclude anyone or try to go at them because of how they believe their brain is wired.

i support educated and informed self diagnosis, however, intelectual disability is not self diagnosable.

lastly dont involve me in any discourse, may that be queer discourse, system discourse or ship discourse, i dont care and it's odd.

the misinformation and ignorance a lot of folk put onto the topic of the puzzle piece symbolism on autism is often ableist and should be worked on in the lower needs autism community.

⭐ . what i like, interests and so on!

special interests of mine

my little pony, specifically generation four or generation three merchandise. its been my special interest for about ten years now.

i have also had a special interest in autism for about seven years now.

and a game called adopt me on roblox has been a special interest of mine for five years now!

hyperfixations of mine which i have or which come back

breaking bad, shameless us, the amazing world of gumball, tokio hotel, cookie run kingdom, heartbreak high, isopods, snails, future man, avatar the last airbender and way more.

hobbies which i have right now

watching cartoons or east asian dramas

collecting toys, rocks, notebooks, stickers, manga, sensory items, stuffed animals and more

⭐ . the tags i might use in my posts

#rurusharing : just a general type of tag of mine, might use this when im just sharing about my day or something which happened.

#rururant : not particularly venting, but could be, it'll be sharing of some sort related to negativity.

#ruruspinterest : this is me talking about my special interests in any way!

rurufixates : mentioning of hyperfixations

[shitty-mechs-headcannons]

Nastya is always *really* cold, and jonny always worries, (but never actully shows it cause hes an emotionally repressed bastard) so when its particularly bad for nastya he will cook warm meals and stuff for her..

also i hc brian, ashes and jonny as being warmer than normal ppl due to their mechs being fairly significant and in their chests and so occasionally when a sleepy cold nastya is wandering about she will just find one of them for cuddles!!!!

i also love tim and nastya being friends.. tims eyes overheat and nastya just puts her hands on his eyes to cool them down… tim and nastya being friends gives me life

SORRY im very very autistic about them… so.. so autistic…

awawawawa that's SO cute thank you so much <3

-mod wjl

[azulcrescent]

Saw your post about colony/factory game sims and wanted to know if you have favourites, some sort of ranking to them, a comfort pick or anything like that

Ooh that's a hard question. I can't rank them all in a tier list since they all give slightly different things, but i can describe them by how and why they like them.

I like Oxygen not included cuz i've played it so much now that it's like going home whenever i play it, and it's always fun running a crew of gremlins that go "weee".

Rimworld is a game ive played SO MUCH that i feel like ive seen it all. It's fun and relaxing but also im kinda sad cuz i know the game enough that i unconsciously start min maxing things and i want to go back to the time where i knew nothing lol

I play Factorio when i want to feel like im coding without actually coding lmao. also it has so many different modpacks so its very versatile.

Satsifactory is probably the weakest link out of these for me because it has a bit of an identity crisis i feel. the game demands you to build gigantic factories to fulfill its endgame goals but it only has a simplistic blueprint system meaning it gets tedious for me fast unless im particularly feeling it. the game looks GORGEOUS THO.

Dyson Sphere Program is amazing cuz you build A FREAKING DYSON SPHERE!!! The planetary logistics is also great and the different planets and stuff are great too. the new combat system i find is good too.

Timberborn is a game that i play when i want to play an almost vanilla citybuilder but with some flavour to it. It's really fun with its water mechanics and the tree and food systems. Overall it can be a very relaxing and fun experience unless ur playing on hard in which case it is a masochistic sort of fun lmao

Against the storm - HOO BOY, this is a hard game. This game is a blend between a puzzle game, a factory game (cuz of its supply chains) and a city building game and a rougelike and it's amazing. It's brutal but whenever i can pull out a win on P20 (Highest difficulty) it feels exhilarating.

Did I just go on an autistic ramble? i think i just did. hope this answered your question lmao.