#and no we still haven't addressed that huge fight

[gemsofthegalaxy]

One of the things I've seen said was it's ironic that Blitz now won't stop blowing up Stolas' phone when he couldn't be bothered to text him when he was in the hospital, or didn't care enough to

And maybe I'm being nit-picky with wording, but, I wouldn't say it was that Blitz didn't care enough to text or see Stolas. I think Blitz's affections are muddled and way, waaay more subtle than Stolas' big big emotions but I am feeling very vindicated as of the most recent episode because it's hugely concrete evidence, finally, that Blitz cares about Stolas

I know Blitz has brushed Stolas off a lot, seems annoyed by him, rolls his eyes at his affection and sexuality, but imo none of this means Blitz doesn't actually like Stolas. I've said this before (and also keep trying to make a longer post and failing) but if you look at how Blitz treats Moxxie, he is highly abrasive and a dickhead even to the people he clearly adores. In Truthseekers, he's upset at the idea he might have crossed a line by telling Moxxie he disliked one of his interests but at the same time he rags on Moxxie for his vanilla sex life with Millie and like 50 other things all the time. He is nearly obsessed with Moxxie, wants to be near him, cares for him, and is still a complete jerk to him a lot of the time. Because we see less of Stolas and Blitz and very different sides of the relationship, I know some people have read into it that Blitz genuinely is disinterested in Stolas but I really don't even think it's been the case.

Back to the point at hand, I wouldn't say that Blitz refusing to see Stolas while he was in hospital is due to lack of care. If anything, probably too much care. Blitz, understandbly, probably has a complicated relationship with hospitals after the fire accident. In The Full Moon he acknowledges in the opening song that something is up, he knows Stolas wants to talk and he also states outright he doesn't want to address the weirdness, he wants thing to stay the same, chill, transactional, no feelings involved. Now, if Apology Tour hadn't gone down how it did, I might believe that Blitz doesn't want feelings involved because he doesn't have feelings for Stolas in the first place (although, again, I maintain he's always cared about Stolas and we do get hints to this, they haven't been super blantant)

But oohhh man in Apology Tour, it's never been clearer, from the first moment of the episode, Blitz is fighting for Stolas in a way we certainly haven't seen before (in his abravise messed up way). He is visually and viserally upset at being confronted with the fact Stolas doesn't think he ever cared about him precisely because he does care about him. He's viciously jealous at another man "stealing" Stolas' attention because he ultimately feels like Stolas belongs with him, even if he's not ready to let that happen in a way that's good for either of them.

Therefore, in retrospect at the very least, I can't comprehend Blitz's lack of going to the hospital as a lack of care in and of itself. I think he just couldn't handle it, honestly, it would be too big, too real, too significant, too close to the truth of the matter to acknowledge not only to himself but to Stolas that he cares enough to visit him in the hospital. And he can't let Stolas knows he cares that much, because he won't be good enough for him. I mean, clearly, the conclusion is still the same that it comes across like he doesn't care enough, but it's more complicated than that, is what I'm trying to say

[zeravmeta]

It's kind of intersting where you are saying this is a wake up call to recgonizing fgo's subpar gameplay because on my side it's very much just "we don't like servant coins" for the most part. Heck the fact that nobody has gotten to point of realizing you can do all this with three stars which lasengle active making five stars worse is another werid development. I've only seen only a few comments talking about if you're f2p these things aren't really relevant. Not that I don't agree fgo biggest weakness is that once you get burn out on the gameplay outside of few boss battles you aren't getting any enthuism back imo. And currently the only thing lasenagle does it just repeatedly buffing units through different ways rather than introduce unique gameplay meachnics that go against the normal grind set like Eli quest and Grailfront(In my personal opinion I think the greatest issuse is the fact that doing these things would equlivant of having a consistent ongoing event that need to be updated and I think you need a whole team for that for speicifcally that.) But the fact people angry more express that they care enough about the gameplay to get angry about the lack of acess to it because of basically a pay wall or well I haven't seen many people connect the dots to the gameplay itself being at fault. Also i couldn't tell from reblog what did they backpeddle again? It seems like they were already planing to revise the servant coin distrabustion and the fact they are expressing they openly said going to give the coins back and with eases adds more to the idea than takes away imo.

I kind of wanna address these points a bit just to make a larger point abt why this anniversary and the servant coins thing rings hollow and sour for a bunch:

I wouldn't say 'wake up call' is the right words, but rather 'this was the straw that broke the camels back'. As broken as FGOs gameplay is, something i will begrudgingly credit it for is that all content IS clearable even by low rarity units. Even the hardest challenge quests from things like fest events or certain story fights can be cleared from a full 3* and lower + 5* friend support comp. So of course, then begs the question: If gameplay isn't the main reason to summon (unless you're a tierlist slave for efficient farm comps for Some Reason), why summon at all?

Well, for your faves, of course. FGO gives you a ton of resources and shiny buttons and knobs to make numbers on your blorbo higher, meaning that the whole point of these extra resources is just to sink into a favorite character and get to experience the story with this talking png on hand to be your friend/lover/hater/slash/etc.

Servant Coins were a broken whale mechanic on inception due to being strictly gacha dependent, not only in how you acquire servant coins but in how little return there is for getting said servants. Summoning for a 5* is already infamously terrible, but not only do you need them for grailing above Level 100, but also for append skills? Realistically, the only reason to go for these resource sinks *is* for faves, and in fairness some dedicated players/whales save a whole bunch of sq just for their one/two favorite guys (regardless of if they actually get them lol, you can save over 1K+ and still not even get a single rate up servant). It's very likely that some of these people Did save all their sq to then have all the necessary servant coins to ultimate max their favorite guy.

but to then ask even more from them, to sink even more into the most infamous gacha in all gachas just to maybe have a chance to marginally improve them? That was just a slap in the face. Mind you, a lot of people talk about how these latest appends are actually the most gameplay defining in how they can lower skill cool downs, which is def a huge buff compared to other appends/stat buffs and even skill buffs, but that type of discussion misses the point that this was one of the greediest changes ever done, especially for a game whose base gameplay hasn't really been improved, optimized, or significantly changed in any way.

You can tell even the devs knew that Servant coins were a broken greed mechanic from inception, since they had retroactive refunds for 4-5* servants (but not 3*s. grr) and from the outcry of this anni they walked back some of the changes and even gave out a second overall refund of servant coins, but ultimately this is another bandaid solution to the core issue: FGOs gameplay just isnt fun.

People put up with FGOs gameplay to get to read FGOs story, and we're just at the point where it's not getting to be worth it anymore. The visual novel masquerading as a gacha is being killed by its own status as a gacha.

The truly frustrating thing is that there *are* legitimate ways of playing FGO which CAN be fun, specifically challenge quests and Grail Fronts. Those are the two types of play that actually make FGO's gameplay work to an extent, and yet these types of changes are just never made in any permanent way. Past boss fights are locked forever, previously cleared challenge quests are lost forever, they just do not repeat these gameplay opportunities, and this goes hand in hand with another issue, one which I would say is the true root of all FGO's problems:

They fucking lock past story content

When me and other mutuals are heeing and haawing about having event reruns/a compendium, it's not just to talk about FGOs story being good, because it is! It's to make it so that newbies aren't fucking locked out of the MAIN GODDAMN REASON TO EVEN PLAY THIS GAME. IMPORTANT STORY CRITICAL EVENTS LIKE THE KNK COLLAB, GUDAGUDA EVENTS AND MORE ARE JUST LOST FOREVER TO YOUTUBE STORY COMPILATIONS BECAUSE THE BASE GAME DOES NOT HAVE ANY SORT OF COMPENDIUM FOR THESE PAST EVENTS.

Event Archives just WORK. You can look at so many modern gachas these days and see that they all have event compendiums for events they will not rerun, and the reason is simple: FGO popularized the idea of using a gacha to tell a story, so gachas put more stonks into their writing and dont limit that Very Critical Component Of Why People Would Play Their Game To Begin With.

But for some fucking reason, FGO just does not. Really think about this for a moment: People have put up with a near decade of terrible gameplay and corporate gacha greed just to read FGO's story. It's fucking good! But that's just not gonna be enough anymore when Type Moon is now using their fucking Das Rheingold of gacha money to make new/remake vns. For all that people talk about FGO story burnout, I flat out disagree: People do want more FGO story, Samurai Remnant is a huge fucking testament to that and a major component of why I want an FGO console release, to be FREE from its gacha ball and chain.

People just don't want to have to put up with a terrible gacha system anymore to experience that good story.

[getvalentined]

I need to talk about the ending of Rebirth, because I'm apparently the only person in the world who liked it.

Putting everything behind a cut, and I would request that anyone who reblog this with spoiler commentary do the same as a courtesy to people who haven't beaten the game yet. It's been just shy of a month since it dropped, so we're still well within the statute of limitations on spoilers. Be nice.

A lot of people are really, really upset about the ending. It's been really weird to have people who went on and on about how they'd be livid if Aerith survived now being furious that she didn't, but I guess it just proves that not only can you not please everyone, but some people are incapable of being pleased.

I've warned everyone I know that Rebirth is the middle part of a trilogy; it was going to end on a low note regardless. That's how trilogies work, the 'ending' of a trilogy's second part isn't an ending at all, it establishes the launching point for the conflict of the conclusion. As a result, second parts will generally strive to be satisfactory with the understanding that it will basically never be satisfying. I'm not going to go into that any more deeply because it's not the key takeaway here, but it's super important to keep that in mind when addressing the ending of any second part, not just Rebirth.

The fact of the matter is, Aerith was never going to survive. That was never on the table, because it was never anyone's decision but hers.

In the OG, Aerith allows herself to be killed so that she can petition Gaia for aid directly, so that she can commune with the planet in-person in order to make sure Holy is activated in time to save everyone. She chose that. She didn't want to die, but she did want to save everyone, and she understood that the only way to do that was by sacrificing herself. Changing that would have been a huge insult to her character, a complete teardown of everything she's been since we met her all the way back in 1997, and it was never going to happen.

In Rebirth, Aerith is capable of dragging Cloud's consciousness into a pocket dimension she's made out of the last days of a terminated timeline in order to both hide him from Sephiroth while he recovers, and to get a working copy of the White Materia that she can use to save the world in the timeline that Sephiroth has chosen to 'save.' She has her own army of Whispers that can and have changed things, that can and have saved people from incidents that should undeniably have killed them. Incidents that did kill them.

If Aerith had wanted to survive in Rebirth, she would have. Sephiroth couldn't have stopped her. We see that in the game, because she literally fights him at the end alongside Cloud, even though she's already dead. Cloud saved her, and then he didn't—and then he did, and then he didn't, he did, he didn't, back and forth and back and forth and we don't know who decided where it stopped.

Sephiroth wanted Aerith out of the way, certainly, but in the end he left of his own accord. He's also the one trying to change the timeline from what it was originally, he doesn't want things to go the way they did in the OG; it's entirely possible that it was Aerith herself who dragged the timeline sideways into the one where she died, because he's wrong and she knows that's the only way to stop him. (I don't necessarily think this is the case, but it's not even close to set in stone.)

I see a lot of people saying that it doesn't matter, nothing mattered, nothing anyone did made a difference because she's still dead. That the only difference that could ever have mattered enough to make it worth it would have been for her to survive—even though it was and has always been Aerith's decision whether or not that came to pass—and I literally can't disagree hard enough.

I think we—and by 'we' I mean the players as much as Cloud and the rest, this is important—changed things in the only way that they could have been changed without condemning the planet to Sephiroth's desperately lonely form of salvation.

When Aerith died in the OG, it happened so suddenly that there was nothing we could do. There was no closure, we never knew if she understood how loved she was, that we would have traded places with her if we could, that nobody wanted her to have to do this alone. We could never really know if she understood how sorry we were to have failed. We didn't get to say goodbye.

Over a quarter century later, we got that. After all this time, decades of knowing that there was nothing we could do to save her but wishing that we at least could have seen her off, Rebirth gave us exactly that.

Aerith wakes up. She's dead because she has to be, but she wakes up. She gets to see how much she's missed, she gets to say goodbye, and we get to say goodbye back. We finally have the chance to not have her taken from us, but to let her go, and to see that it's her decision to stop while everyone else keeps going. It always has been.

Aerith was never going to survive. That was never going to change, because it's not about her—it's about saving the world, and it's about you.

But things are still so different this time, because we finally got to say goodbye, and I can't think of difference we could actually make that could ever be worth any more than that.

[luuhy-blue]

I wrote a post about Davos and Aeron's Hogwarts houses, and I think I still have a few things to say about these two, so here's my daily dose of Davron obsession. First about Aeron.

Aeron is a Hufflepuff and I think he would be very happy and proud of that. I know people have an image that Hufflepuff is the worst of the houses but that's purely the fault of that crazy JK Rowling who didn't bother to develop the characters of each house better besides the protagonists. Hufflepuff is about effort, dedication and loyalty and I feel like those are some of the pillars that make up Aeron. Aeron is not someone who is super talented, he is not someone who stands out right away or who people put a lot of faith in. When he appears (during the three measly minutes of the episode, seriously I hate this damn show-), his friends even call him "the worst knight among us" and he just laughs with them. He knows how people see him, he is fully aware that he is not the best or strongest among his cousins ​​in Stone Hedge, but he seeks to improve upon each failure.

And that is what he does. He is someone who strives and dedicates himself to the maximum, he knows what he wants and will do whatever it takes to get it. He also values ​​courage, but I think that hard work and persistence are much stronger in him than the fearlessness and boldness of the Gryffindor.

He can also demand a lot from himself at times, especially when his insecurity gets the better of him. He wants to be good, he wants to be a good nephew, a good knight, someone who will honor his house. For a while, this came from a desire for glory and recognition (due to all the doubts people had about him) but, in the future, he realizes that he doesn't need that. His relatives love him for who he is and he trusts his ability and effort enough that he no longer needs to seek their approval. He fights for loyalty and for the love of his house.

Another point, and one that is explored a lot in fanfics (In fact, "Kiss a Man or Slit His Throat" addresses this very well and I LOVE IT) is Aeron's relationship with religion. We know that the Brackens follow the Faith of the Seven and I personally agree with many authors who show Aeron as someone devout and who deals with a lot of religious guilt. I feel like he's someone who's very attached to a sense of duty and right and wrong, which is something that's very present in Hufflepuffs as well (his element is earth, stable and firm in his judgments). I think he would agree with Alicent's phrase "Where's the duty? Where's the sacrifice?" because for him it's much more about what he should do or what's "right" and much less about what he wants. I think his relationship with Davos becomes so interesting because the two are very opposite in that regard.

I think I had more to say but that's enough for today. I was going to talk a little bit about Davos and his relationship with Gryffindor but this poster would be huge so I'll leave it for another time. These are some thoughts from the middle of the night because these two haven't left my head since they appeared in that episode, (someone needs to put Kieran and Ryan together more often, seriously, so much chemistry). Also, many of my headcanons came from @herofumi fanfics on AO3 so they are to blame for all of this (that's a lie, I'm just dying for the next update). Thanks for coming to my podcast.

[lucianalight]

Hi! I'm back :) after another long hiatus😅 I have missed all of you❤️

First of all a huge thank you to everyone who were worried and asked about my health and how I was doing. I wasn't doing well tbh. I'm one of those people who had the misfortune of never quite recovering from covid. I already had one chronic illness that was messing up my life and health. Having another on top of that takes a lot of physical, emotional and mental toll and limits my energy greatly. So I needed time to get used to my new reality and condition and learn to how manage it and live with it. It's still a work in progress and doctor appointments are seeming endless but at least some meds are helping. So there's that.

You probably already know the second reason why I wasn't doing well. I've seen terrible things…And you need time to process them. To grieve, to deal with trauma and survivor's guilt, and nurture your anger and keep fighting, keep resisting…

And well, internet connection still sucks so using social media is kind of an ordeal :D

There were a lot of times that I wanted to come back on tumblr but every time some issue would come up and take my motivation and energy. Then two weeks ago, after I couldn't crush the little ray of hope that maybe this time I'm going to see sth I like, I started watching season 2 of Loki. I watched it while promising myself that I'm not going to care anymore if it's bad, reminding myself that I might see sth as bad as season 1. Still I was surprised that I didn't hate it. On the contrary there were moments that were entertaining and even enjoyable. And those moments were more than the ones I dislike. It was better than season 1 and admittedly that's a low bar since I consider S1 one of the worst tv shows I've ever seen, but there were noticeable changes in pace and tone of the narrative and characterization in S2. Some issues in S1 was addressed. Loki was actually the main character of his series and got to do badass magic stuff :D The characters were flesh out and three dimensional and likable(I love OB so much :D). There was no romance. The ending was great.

There were of course things I didn't like. Removing Loki's backstory and his issues with his family from the story is one of them. How some of his moments in past was addressed. The episodes at times got boring or very predictable. There were times that Loki was ooc or comedic moments that weren't delivered well.

It wasn't perfect but at least acceptable. And probably the best Loki content we got since TDW. And I liked the ending a lot. I found myself keep going back to rewatch some scenes. I found myself analyzing the content happily. I had things to say. So here I am :D basically I'm 100% back to my Loki bs and I'm making it everyone's problem :P

Whether you loved the series or hated it, you're welcome on my blog and you're welcome to send me your opinions and engage with me in discussions and metas. I will tag posts accordingly in case you want to avoid certain content(tbh I still don't know what the new tags will be because I haven't written anything yet but I will make a post when I do).

There will be posts of some new fandoms so block their tags if you don't want to see those posts. The new fandoms are Sandman tv show(I haven't finished the comics so plz don't spoil them for me), Wednesday, My Hero Academia, Shadow and Bone, and The Bifrost Incident.

As I mentioned above I'm dealing with multiple chronic illnesses and have a limited energy each day. I will try to answer your messages, comments and asks as soon as I can but it might take a long time. Sry about that.

And finally a warm welcome to all the new followers and thanks to everyone who are still following me❤️

[imsailorpluto]

So I've finally finished Bloodhounds (+ ahjussi collection)

...and I have no idea where to start and what to say and how to feel.

No, wait, please hear me out.

It was b l o o d y and at parts a very difficult watch, as it has lots of explicit fighting scenes, which look extremely realistic and cruel. So cruel that I had to close my eyes and not watch, I even skipped many & i'm not sorry. However, there are also parts so heartwarming that it makes you forget about all the crimes and gore for a moment. So, it's up to you to decide if it's worth the struggle. Since the violence could be a bit too much for many, let's just say I do and don't recommend this one at the same time. Personally, one of things I greatly enjoyed is the subtle comic tone of Gun-woo's and Woo-jin's interactions with each other and their characters which represent people doing sports professionally so well, the purity of their hearts and lack of malice in everything they do, since they truly do live for the sports. Then there are two absolutely powerful and skillful young women, Hyeong-ju and Da-min, playing such important roles in the entire series, each of them individually contributing so much to the entire plan of bringing the bad guys down and saving what could still be saved. And also, one of the most enjoyable parts were definitely the bonds that came out of these newly formed friendships. Younger acting crew did an amazing job. In comparison to the older and experienced ahjussi crew (I'll get to them in a bit), they've got some serious talent. It must have been a huge undertake for both Woo Do-hwan and Lee Sang-yi to live up to the expectations of the entire team behind this drama. And they did it. They absolutelly slayed.

If you still haven't watched this drama, trust me when I say these two cinnamon rolls will instantly win your heart right at the beginning of the first episode. They're like the most perfect two besties you'd want to be besties with too. And yeah, you'll suffer thru all the horrors just to see them win the biggest battle of their lives. Gosh, every time I tried typing something coherent about them it just ended up being lots of crying shaking throwing up. They're the best, ok? And this is best I can do. ╥﹏╥

And while our marine boys scratched so many itches around this platform, I have to mention the absolute gentlemen that starred in this series and swept me off my feet *deepest sigh ever*

So many great actors took part in Bloodhounds, it's hard to believe my own eyes at times. Whoever was in charge of the casting did a killer job. I couldn't even take the bad guys seriously because they're freakishly handsome. Well, at least not until Kim Myung-gil brutally ended my favourite ahjussi trio damn you ep 6

What started as an obsession over two young marine guys and their bromance ended up as a hole in my heart over downfall of three middle aged criminals men and a will to trade all the money and gold bars for their lives. And more importantly, a huge appreciation for Korean actors over the age of 40.

No, let's be real. They're handsome and talented and great at their job and deserve all the love and support. With that in mind... here's a tiny screenshot dump because it would be a shame not to post it:

And I want to be normal about them and move on in peace but *internal screams* I've already mentioned Lee Hae-young in one of my earlier posts, addressing my obsession with the character he portrays, the sushi restaurant owner Hwang Yang-jung. And I know many people are obsessed with him too. But no one is speaking up. Which is silly. And tbh I really thought there would be more gifs of him and other men but...there's close to none? Can we talk about how fine this man is? How fine this whole ahjussi crew is? Can we... can we just acknowledge they sliced us all in tiniest pieces possible and burned us all till we turned into charcoal? Can we make a mess of kdrama side of tumblr by excessively posting about them? Pretty please?

It's true, I came for the boys, but stayed for these men. I'm not even joking when I say kdrama has me in a chokehold again, but this time for a whole new reason. Dropping everything just to watch series and movies these guys took part in sounds like the best idea at the moment. I even forgot about the new releases I started watching, which makes me laugh at myself, but... it is what it is. At some point, a girl just has to obsess over her favourite ahjussi, and that's okay.

[linkspooky]

Spoilers if you still haven't read the new jjk leaks so...

I really cant believe that your prediction of Gojo's battle ending up like Kaneki's beatdown has come full circle...my God even the one where he is lying dead chopped up with no arms and legs is exactly the same.

What are your thoughts on the conclusion of this battle or the whole progression of the story rn,because this really cemented Gege's bad writing at its finest for me.Such a lamest and most underwhelming death granted to one of the most well written character of the series with an offscreen death coupled with his whole afterlife dialogues dickriding Sukuna saying he wouldn't have stood a chance even without sukuna using 10s when the whole battle contradicts this,then Nanami telling Gojo that they always knew Gojo was a battle junkie and didn't care for others,committing a massive character assassination.Just why did Gege had to butcher his character this much?Im so livid right now with the way his death was executed and Gojo's character arc without achieving anything in his life and says he doesn't have any regrets and satisfied? I decided to drop the series because this all left a sour taste in my mouth and knows that there are more ridiculous asspulls to come in the future.But there are some theories going online saying Gojo will come back by rebirth or as a vengeful spirit by going North and correlating to the Lotus flowers in the panels.I still dont believe this will happen since Gege ruined the character for good,but I need to know your predictions on this one too to huff on my tiny amount of copium.

I CALLED IT! *EVERYONE BEGINS HIGH FIVING ME*

Besides the fact that I have proven without a doubt that I can see the future and therefore I can tell everyone with confidence Megumi will live until the end of the manga (this is a joke, or is it?), I have some more to say on the rest of your ask anon.

I'm not going to comment on whether or not I think this is good or bad writing. For me the question is not "is Gojo's death written well?" but rather "What does Gojo's death mean for the story?"

I'll address some parts of your ask and remember I'm not really agreeing or disagreeing with you, just trying to analyze why Gege made the story choices that he did.

with an offscreen death coupled with his whole afterlife dialogues dickriding Sukuna saying he wouldn't have stood a chance even without sukuna using 10s when the whole battle contradicts this

In this case I believe Gege offscreening the death is a pretty classic bait and switch. It happens exactly the same way that Kaneki's fight happens in chapter 143 of Tokyo Ghoul: Re, we as the audience see a build up to a big climactic fight between Kaneki and Juzou two of the most powerful characters in the manga only to literally skip the entire fight and show it's conclusion: Kaneki limbless on the ground.

It inspired a huge controversy back in the old days of the Tokyo Ghoul fandom too, imagine if instead of just skipping the final moment of the fight we skipped the ENTIRE fight between Gojo and Sukuna. Just Nah, I'll Win *Smash Cut to Gojo cut in half* The last chapter also ends with this, declaring Gojo's victory.

My friend Comun said basically after this Gojo was guaranteed to lose because in shonen manga the second a character is entertain that they'll win they have the rug pulled out from underneath them. It's the same reason that when you're making a plan to have a heist in a heist movie you whisper it at first instead of explaining the whole plan ahead of time. If you just explain the whole plan and everything goes according to plan you've spoiled your own story.

In other words the classic bait and switch the audience is led to believe one thing and then slapped in the face with something else. This is just my justification for why I think the ending to the fight is offscreened, the same way it is for Kaneki's fight with Juzou, it's almost parodying battle shonen. Jujutsu Kaisen is a story where characters fight, and Gojo and Sukuna is one of the most hyped up fights in the manga, but the fight is not the most important part the characters are. Fight mechanics are important to the story, but they don't trump everything else so less important to the question of how Gojo lost, or even seeing his loss onscreen is the question of why he lost.

In my opinion the reason Gojo lost is because he was fighting for the wrong reasons, he cared far more about winning a satisfying fight then he did saving Megumi the kid he was responsible for. Gojo is kind of like the audience, he cares more about the battle aspect of shonen manga then the characters, so the author denies both Gojo and the readers their climax.

This is what we call an Anti-Climax.

As a result, the subversion of the climax, the Anticlimax, is probably almost as old. The anticlimax is when you're set up for a climax, such as a spectacular, battle-to-end-all-battles between the hero and the villain. It's built up more and more until the suspense is extremely exciting, and the reader/viewer can't wait for it...then the hero kills the villain in one hit, or the villain spontaneously drops dead [...] Anticlimaxes can work well if it's clear that the subversion of audience expectations is the point, either for humorous purposes [...] or as a more serious commentary on the genre of the work.

It's alright if you're disappointed though because fights are one of the main draws of the series, I'm just explaining the trope that's at work here. As for Gojo saying he wouldn't have stood a chance against Sukuna if he was going all-out I'm not sure precisely that's what he said. He just says he's unsure he would have beaten him even without the ten-shadows, that it would have been close. It's also not completely out of left field that Gojo found Sukuna challenging.

We are told beforehand that Sukuna is holding back a move, because Gojo only has to defeat Sukuna, while Sukuna has to do a boss-rush marathon and beat Gojo and everyone who comes after him. We also receive this piece of foreshadowing, Sukuna saying "Very Good" after Mahoraga succesfully cleaves off Gojo's arm which was likely him learning the technique that he'd use to finish Gojo. He even called Mahoraga his shadow.

Someone else pointed out that Sukuna was also winning the domain battles pretty thoroughly before Sukuna started to use the TenShadows in the fight so I don't think Gojo's statement of how he could have won with his techniques was that out of left field.

If it were not for Sukuna's whim of wanting to use Mahoraga, he would have beaten Satoru and it is even implied that Sukuna allowed himself to be hit so that Mahoraga would adapt to Satoru's infinity. Even in their activation of domains Gojo had to destroy and regenerate his brain five times while Sukuna didn't have this problem, this is because Sukuna didn't lose his domain as many times as Satoru because we must not forget that Sukuna's domain doesn't need barrier like Gojo's so it was easier to destroy Satoru's domain than Sukuna's.

Yet another person also pointed out that Gojo acting completely on top of his game the whole fight and confident in his victory, and yet seemingly contradicting that at the end by saying he might have lost even if Sukuna didn't have the Ten SHadows makes sense if you consider the fact that Gojo was putting on a show for his students. He had to appear absolutely confident he was going to win in front of them to make them feel safe. Whereas, with Geto he's with a peer so he can be more honest about what he thought his chances were.

There's another shift after the opening stage of their fight in chapter 224. What always stuck out to me from that chapter was Gojo noticing that their fight was being broadcasted. After he spots Mei Mei's crows, Gojo never, not once, for the remainder of the fight expresses doubt in himself in any outward way. We see frustration, we see anger, we see surprise, but never doubt. Never worry. And what does he say as soon as he get's the upper hand in the fight?

As for the final part of your post:

Im so livid right now with the way his death was executed and Gojo's character arc without achieving anything in his life and says he doesn't have any regrets and satisfied?

I don't think Gojo said he was satisfied. In fact it's the opposite.

Gojo's unsatisfied because of two reasons, number one he wasn't able to push Sukuna into giving his all, and number two that Geto wasn't among the people who were saying goodbye to him before he went off to fight. I did an entire post, on why I don't think Gojo is satisfied with his death at all.

However, the TLDR: Version, Gojo could have chosen to fight for two things, number one to be the strongest and number two for the sake of his connections to other people. Gojo chooses the first and he fails at that. He's not only no longer the strongest but he couldn't give Sukuna the fight of his life. He's unsatisfied for that reason. He's also unsatisfied because he deliberately gave up all of his personal connections in life, and chose to only focus on being the strongest. Not only did he fail at being the strongest but he also lost Geto and practically everyone else. If he'd have chosen to fight for personal connections instead then maybe things would be different and Geto would still be alive, and he'd be more satisfied because he could have lived a life with genuine connections to other people, but that's not what he chose.

If anything I think it's there to connect him to TOji and the way they died. They both die offscreen and die standing on their feet. In Toji's final moments he thinks he only chose to fight for his personal pride but then Megumi flashes by his mind.

In Gojo's final moments he thinks about how much he regrets that he wasn't able to give Sukuna a true challenge, and then Geto flashes by his mind. He could have chosen to live for something other than pride, the same way Toji could have chosen to live as a father and that possibility flashes before their eyes before their deaths.

[littlegodzilla]

One more chapter. Thanks for rebloging, reading and commenting.

I'm really glad you all like it!

Enjoy the chapter!

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Our Story.

Daryl Dixon x Wife / Daryl Dixon x Reader.

Part 12.

Masterlist.

Warnings: Slow burn. TWD violence. Death. Angst. Little drama. Hurt/Comfort.

Words: 3400.

Summary: the Governor attacks the prison, you all try to resist, Merle is dead and new people is coming to your home.

**********************

Chapter 12. Come back home.

"No, no, I said get out."  You say when you see Daryl appear by the infirmary, where you've been hiding to try to calm down.

"Ain't gonna go anywhere."

"Of course not. Is this another one of your promises?" You ask acidly and he chews his lip.

"I know I shouldn't have left with Merle...I've gone back to doing the same thing I did a few years ago and..."

"I don't give a shit, Daryl, I'm not going to care about you, not anymore."

"Listen to me..."

"No, you listen to me." You cut him off again. "We're going to hang in here, because it's our place, because we've made it our home, but it's big enough that we don't need to address each other, so don't try." You make it clear to him. "Let alone having your brother here." Your voice shakes a little and you swallow trying to compose yourself. "I thought you were back to your old self... but you were right, that time when I came looking for you at your house... you've always been like that, haven't you? You've always been Merle Dixon's fucking shadow..." You shrug because he doesn't know how to respond to that, no doubt your words have hurt him more than he expected.

You throat clear and turn around to take a tally of what you still have, it's not much, in a little while you'll have to go out for new supplies.

"Sorry." He grunts again. "That's all I can say; Merle is my brother and I know he ain't the most desirable person in the world, but I changed, I'm sure he can too if given a chance." He doesn't wait for your response, he turns and walks away from the infirmary, leaving you alone.

Living together becomes complicated, Merle is still pulling a tight rope, only Daryl is calm having him there, Tyreese and Sasha have left with their group, worried about Rick's lucidity at these moments. Woodbury has gone after you guys, head on, with that huge truck full of infected, making it clear he wants you out of there, but Rick isn't going to leave that place at his mercy, he's going to fight for it and so are you.

"I'll talk to him, we'll meet, we'll put our proposals on the table and we'll see how it all works out..."

"He's not going to give up." Merle says. "He'll put on a good face and everything will look perfect, but he'll come back, and slaughter you all, they have more guns, more ammunition, you're no match."

"He won't have it so easy, if we're not going to leave here, we'll protect their walls." You say and hear how the man laughs.

"Yeah? And how do you intend to do that, beautiful?"

"You're both right, I'll go up there with some of you and the rest of you will stay here getting everything ready." Rick continues speaking.

"Well, in that case let's stick to the plan."

**************

"So you're my sister-in-law." You hear a voice behind you and you get goose bumps.

You turn slowly, behind you, leaning against the doorframe of the library, where you spend your free time consulting the medical books there, but now you're helping to pull out the tables there to reinforce the prison security, making little barricades to hide in for when the Governor and his people return.

"I'm nothing to you, Merle." You make it clear to him by shuffling the table.

"That's not true, if your sister is my brother's wife, then that makes us family." He keeps talking. "Oh no, wait, that your sister is dead...so you're my half sister-in-law?" There's acid in his voice again and you abruptly let go of the table.

"What do you want, Merle? I don't have time for you."

"Fine, I won't beat around the bush." He advances toward you, you fold your arms, defensively. "I remember you, you know, I may look like an idiot, but I'm not that much of one. You've always been after your sister and Daryl, like a little puppy looking for company, always there wanting their attention." He goes on. "Now you've got him back to yourself, don't you? It's just you now."

"What are you talking about?" you frown. "She was my sister and Daryl was my best friend, I didn't..."

"Don't play that card with me, precious, we both know you liked my brother too, that's why you were always after them."

"Of course I wasn't! I didn't feel that way about Daryl!"

"Come on, honey, you can tell me."

"I don't have anything to tell you! Daryl was my best friend, of course I loved him, but as a friend, but you corrupted him, rotted him from the inside because that's what Merle Dixon does, he destroys everything he touches!" 

"Get used to the idea that it's a Dixon curse." He replies to you without taking offense.

You don't want to listen to him anymore, you stop what you're doing and walk away leaving him alone. Merle smiles crookedly now having the way clear all he has to do is go find Michonne to continue with his plan.

****************

Daryl is nervous, he has had a confusing conversation with his brother, he is not sure if he is with them or if he will leave as soon as he has the opportunity, it has always been complicated for him to read his brother's intentions.

But he just can't find him anywhere.

"Fuck, Merle." He growls at nothing.

"Where's your brother?"

Daryl turns to look at you, you're carrying your bow with you, in fact you're also carrying your knife and gun, you look like you're going out somewhere, what surprises him the most is that you're talking to him, after the argument you'd had he thought you'd never do it again.

"Dunno, I was lookin' for him, but... I think he took off."

"Not just him... Michonne's gone too." You tell him and he becomes alert.

"Do ya think he took her to the Governor?"

"To save his ass? It's possible." You shrug and he snorts.

"I'm gonna look for him. Can ya cover for me? I don't wanna anyone following me."

"You keep picking him..."

"That's not the point. That asshole is capable of killing himself doing something crazy. I'm not just going after him, I'm also going after Michonne."

"Okay, then I'm coming with you. For Michonne."

Daryl doesn't insist, you've been the one who said you didn't want anything to do with him, that you've now decided to go with him is a step, he knows you're still angry but at least you're with him. He will accept whatever you offer him. You grab your weapons and leave the prison without attracting the attention of the rest of the group. Quickly Daryl sets about tracking Merle with no problems, they have taken a car near the prison, but the marks he leaves on the bed of dead leaves is obvious, even you could track him without any problems.

"What do you think Merle wants to do with Michonne?" You speak after walking more than half the way in silence.

"I thought ya didn't wanna hear from me anymore."

"Okay." You shrug as you continue walking.

"I think Merle is trying to lead Michonne to the Governor..." He shrugs as you do. "I think he's trying to prevent a prison massacre."

"Why, no one's asked him to."

"He knows no one is very fond of him in prison, he does what he thinks is right. If something happens to him, no one will care about him..." He mutters without stopping walking.

"You do..." You look sideways at him.

"He's my brother, but my whole life he's been coming and going from my life, you know that better than anyone." He snorts shaking his head. "Still I can't abandon him to his fate." He gives you a sidelong glance. "I'm sorry..."

"You're a good person, Daryl. That's why you do those things." You try to ignore the pull in your stomach. 

Your weak spot was that you could never stay mad at him for too long.

You hear footsteps nearby, you become alert and saw Michonne approaching towards your position, when she sees you she looks relieved and picks up her pace, you don't know each other too well but you can't help but give her a hug, glad she's okay.

"Where's Merle?" Daryl asks after seeing that she's okay.

"He's gone to see the Governor by himself." She mumbles. "He wanted to make a trade with me, like I had asked Rick to do, but he let go of me and went off by himself."

"Stupid lunatic." Daryl growls. "You take Michonne to the prison, I'm going to go get him."

"You're going by yourself? what if the Governor has captured him or worse?"

"I'll take care of that, you guys get to safety."

You stay silent, Michonne also seems hesitant to want to leave, but Daryl doesn't wait, he just starts walking holding his crossbow tightly against his chest. You two look at each other and start walking in the opposite direction.

"Why did he let you leave?" You want to know again.

"We were talking in the car, Daryl now has a new family, Merle is just a stone in the road, Daryl will move on, but he's stuck in his own emptiness..." she shrugs as she walks beside you.

"I guess he's trying to make things right for the first time..." You try to understand, she nods, but she doesn't look convinced either.

"Sacrificing yourself is not doing the right thing, Daryl will suffer for it."

Daryl will suffer for it.

Those words fall on you like a slab, they make you think about how long that man has been suffering, since you met, barely thirteen you, fifteen him, Dixon was happy and unhappy at the same time, you could see him when you were in the secret place, when he had your sister in his arms, smoking, just talking, you could also see him happy and calmer when he was talking to you, when the bond between the three of you was getting stronger, but then it was time to go back home, to separate until the next day and he would become silent again, his eyes would lose their sparkle and he would even tremble a little if you looked closely.

How much more did he deserve to suffer?

You stop then and look at the woman with the katana who looks confused, but immediately understands what you intend to do.

"Bring them back to the prison, back home, I'm sure we'll find a way to make it all right." She asks you and you nod before turning around and running off in search of Daryl.

****************

But you're late, as you approach the meeting place, where Rick had planned to deliver Michonne, you hear the gunshots and screams in the distance, you don't know what strategy he has followed, if he has prepared an ambush for them or he has entered there shooting left and right. 

It doesn't matter, the point is that he has driven the Governor's group out of there, but Merle doesn't leave. When you arrive, panting and sweating from the run, you see Daryl on the ground, succumbed by his own pain, not far from him, Merle's body. He had turned, not only had Governor not only killed him, he had let him turn so that you could find him, so that Daryl would have to kill him himself. It's twisted and cruel. Merle will never be your favorite person, but even for you that's too much. You set your bow better and approach him slowly. You touch his back to warn him that you are there, Daryl lifts his head and, once again, accepts your embrace, snuggles against your chest, hugging you, letting the burden of his pain be less heavy now. You cradle him gently and caress his back and hair with pampering letting him calm down little by little.

"The asshole came after them all by himself... I don't know what he intended, to kill the Governor or something, but we could have done it all together... come up with some plan..." He continues mumbling leaning against your chest.

"He just wanted to do the right thing, Daryl. In a suicidal and stupid way, but he wanted to do it... to have a second chance..."

"His second chance was in prison, with all of us."

In that you have doubts, after what he did to Glenn, to Maggie, to Michonne, to everyone in general, it seems, but you don't say it out loud, Daryl would do anything for his brother to be okay, he had already proved it to you, but now there was nothing left to do. You sigh and kiss the top of his head, Daryl moves into your embrace, lifting his head, your gazes meet and you watch each other in silence, neither of you say anything, you just sit there, staring at each other, immersed in the color of each other's eyes. Daryl swallows saliva and you brush your lips with the tip of your tongue. You feel his hands tremble at your waist and you sigh, resting your forehead against his.

"Let's go home." You tell him without raising your voice. "We're not done yet, the Governor can't take our house, we have to fight."

"Yes... let's go home."

On the way to the prison none of you say anything, silence is your ally, Daryl needs to recompose himself, after losing Merle he needs his own time to mourn, to say goodbye for good, to get used to the idea that this time, he won't come back, that it's not one of those times when he disappears and after a few months, he comes back. Not anymore.

For your part you feel your skin bristle, it bothers you, you don't know exactly what feeling it is that envelops you right now. It hurts you to see Daryl like this, you're still upset because he keeps making the wrong choices, to your way of thinking, but now you can't hold it against him, he's lost his brother, the last thing that tied him to his family aside from his own last name, he's the only Dixon alive, you want to give him his time to get back to his old self, but you feel a horrible 'I told you so' scratching at your throat. It's frustrating how easily he manages to get on your nerves, since you've met again, you're on constant alert to know where he is and how he's doing and you feel stupid for it. Daryl knows how to take care of himself, fuck, so much better than you, so much better than all of you and yet you feel entitled to berate him and get mad at him like he's a child. You have to stop doing that, it's not healthy and you know it.

When you arrive at the prison everyone is glad to see you again, the absence of the eldest Dixon is obvious, some give their condolences to Daryl, but he just shakes his head.

"What are we going to do?"

"What are we going to do? Fight." You say utterly convinced.

"We can't fight an entire town, we need to take everything we can and get out of here."

"We can't leave, this place is ours, we fought for it." Rick is on your side and that relieves you.

"Rick, I trusted you to save my daughters, but this is too much, I'm not going to put them in danger for this place." Hershel refuses.

"We will not lose our home, we have fought and lost much to have it. But we will act with our heads, we will come up with a plan to make it all work out."

You have no time to lose, you don't know how long it will take for the Governor to arrive with his people, with his soldiers. You quickly gather everything, finish setting up the barricades, prepare everything, leave the most open and easily accessible areas protected, gather food, weapons, all your things, take Judith away from all the action, you don't want to have to lament unnecessary losses because of a mistake.

It's all risky and you know you'll have to do a lot of cleaning up in there afterwards, but you're relieved to know that you're not leaving that place, that you're not running away.

"Are you okay?" you reach out to Daryl, touching his arm.

"Sure, I have to be..." He nods and looks at you. "I guess I should apologize to you again."

"No, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, I had no right..." You sigh and rub your arms. "But I'm glad you're here again, despite everything and... I'm sorry, for Merle..."

"Nah, don't do that, it's not necessary." He shakes his body and taps you on the shoulder. "Come on, we need to finish up and leave before they start arriving."

You don't respond, the conversation ends there, each of you leaving through different doors to finish as soon as possible. 

You are outside the prison walls before the Governor shows up, he is carrying several truckloads of his people, they all look ready for anything, there are women and children too, he has taken with him every person capable of carrying a weapon, it shows how nervous and desperate he looks. You don't understand why, you are not a threat, if he had let Maggie and Glenn go without harming them, they would each go on with their lives as if nothing, but apparently he is not willing to have neighbors.

When they start to enter the perimeter you move towards them, your idea is to ambush them and also to find some unpleasant surprises inside the place that is already waiting for them. Your intention is not to turn everything into a massacre, besides they themselves will clean the whole area of infected, taking away your work.

Soon you begin to hear gunshots and screams inside, you place yourselves in the strategic areas that Rick has selected for each one, when you see people coming out you begin to shoot in a threatening way, you do not shoot anyone in particular, only those who turn to respond to your shots, but you are only threatening them to leave. The last to leave is the Governor.

The prison is still yours, you have managed to get them out of your home. You are happy and excited, but it doesn't mean it's all over. The children return along with Hershel and Beth. Rick still thinks you should go to Woodbury, make sure the Governor isn't out to hurt you again, the idea is to drive your cars after them to further intimidate them. Before you leave, you bring your stuff back inside the pavilion, fix the fence closest to the building plus you take out the bodies of the infected and some woodbury men who will no longer return home to make a pile in the garden and burn them, also to prevent more Walkers from arriving.

After that you get out of there, you don't go too far either, on the way to Woodbury you discover the cars and trucks on the road, abandoned. You stand on guard looking around you, there are Walkers and soldiers everywhere, not all of them have been bitten, others have been executed, friendly fire itself has taken them down.

"What happened here?" you ask and a scream escapes you, frightened, as a woman hits the glass of one of the trucks.

"Help me, please." You gasp as you open the door and she slowly steps out. "He went crazy, he started shooting at all of us..." She says, her voice breaking with tears.

"Where is he now?" she asks, Rick.

"I don't know... but the people of Woodbury are in danger..."

"Rick... we should go help them, we don't know what he would be capable of doing, he's resentful..."

"Yes, we will go there, we will help those who want to come with us..."

"Thank you very much..." Whispers the woman grateful for your help in spite of everything.

The prison is big enough for everyone.

**

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To be Continued...

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Hope you liked it!

See you in the next stories!!

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Taglist: @green-eyedladywrites @minervadashwood @livingdeadblondequeen @bringinsexybackk69 @phoenixblack89

[ziskandra]

11 and 22 if you're choosing violence? 😈

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered Answer here! but tl;dr: about 30 or so 22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores Chantry history!! CHANTRY HISTORY!!! While the pre-Chantry era (e.g. the Magisters Sidereal, Andraste) frequently comes up both in-game and during fandom discussions, outside of the Exalted March on the Dales, I rarely encounter much talk around the early centuries of the Chantry as an establishment, and how it solidified its political power. I think this in turn leads to a lot of my major bugbears with Dragon Age fandom, such as: 1. reducing the conflict in thedas as purely a mage vs. templars issue: we now have clear evidence that there's much more happening! the qunari are advancing south! of course, the templars (and mages) were a HUGE part of southern thedas's defenses! while corypheus might have failed in his goals, the entire south is still in. shambles, which leaves them vulnerable to further incursions.

2. speaking of incursions. the qunari. i feel like people sometimes forget that the qunari wars were relatively recent (the llomerryn accords were only signed in 7:84 storm! ~150 years before current events!), and prior to that, they had amassed so much territory across tevinter, rivain, antiva and the free marches that the imperial chantry and the southern chantry had to team up (unprecedented!) to force them back. anyway we know the qunari are coming back and they are NOT fucking around. i just. haven't seen this discussed much lately? (although please, someone, anyone, if i am missing a conversation somewhere PLEASE let me know. i wish to devour it whole with my eyeballs). also the codices in the history of kirkwall series mention how instrumental the chantry's mages were in combating the sarebaas during the qunari wars, which is only more incentive for the Chantry to keep a tight hold on the mage population (of the ones who are useful enough to fight wars or otherwise contribute to the cause, that is...) 3. basically, i'm just fed up with how huge chunks of the fandom criticise the worldbuilding and writing, especially when it comes to the interplay of political power. of course, there are groups that are more complicit in various atrocities than others! but without examining the reasons behind these issues, it's not actually possible to develop viable long-term solutions to these problems. without a thorough understanding of why something came to be the way it was, the oppressed can so easily become oppressors bc. well. power corrupts!! and if one looks at dragon age through a lens of it being a story about geopolitical and the corrupting properties of power, it feels like to me it's very obvious what story the team is trying to tell? don't get me wrong, of course there are always critiques to be made of how bioware is telling that story. i can understand that there are times where the team fumbles the ball or addresses something clumsily, and i think there are a lot of valuable conversations to be have on these matters! but it often feels like people are more invested in discussing the game they wished dragon age was rather than the game that actually exists. so often posts that gain traction these days are like 'this is how i would totally revamp character x/event y', and while i think that can be a useful exercise too, it just feels overpowering at times? that like, there's this sense that everyone agrees that the same things are wrong and must be fixed, which is. frustrating. because again, we are all different people with different experiences! we connect with parts of the narrative, different parts of characters! we are all complicit in our personal biases!! and i feel like there would just be. a lot less defensiveness and hard feelings if people allowed each other more space for alternate perspectives on the games. my own takeaway is this: personally, i think that dragon age, at its core, is a cautionary tale against hubris, and more specifically, the hubris of any one individual or group thinking they know what's best for everyone. of how, as people, we're more powerful when we're able to put our minor differences aside to tackle the bigger problems. of how everyone is coming from their own experiences and backgrounds and how that impacts their behaviour in the present and future. of how some narratives can be more dominant than others. of how history is never 100% certain. and in light of this, and the state of dragon age fandom as a whole, i have chosen to view the fandom as an elaborate piece of community performance art (of which i am also a part). this in turn makes the whole endeavour less frustrating, and dare i say it... sometimes even fun.

[choose violence ask meme]

[themyscirah]

Jess? Or Hal? For the ask game (And if you've done both of them, just pick your favorite super)

I haven't done either yet! I'll do Hal in this post and maybe Jess in another after this

Tw for canonical past suicide for later in the post (skip the story idea section)

First impression:

My real first encounter with him was probably as a guest appearance within Green Lanterns, but the first book I read with him was GL/GA. I don't remember too much of what I thought of him there, it was probably more of a general "oh he seems cool I guess" kind of neutral/positive attitude. By the time I read a Hal comic I'd already met Simon, Jess, and Jo so he wasn't a contender for the spot of my favorite lantern. I never fully finished GL/GA though bc I had the book on loan

Impression now:

Mixed. There are some Hal moments I genuinely do love and like, but tbh he can get on my nerves very easily. Of the Earth lanterns he's either my least or next to least favorite (which doesn't mean I don't like him!) but he's also like the "main character" of GL so I get annoyed when I feel like other GLs are being ignored in favor of Hal.

Favorite moment:

With that said there are sooooooo many Hal moments I just love. He's very much a character made by specific moments for me (rather than a general appreciation of who he is overall). Some Swishy fave contenders include his "Avenge me" internal monologue when he fights Mongul in GL (1990) #46, and OFC the Emerald Twilight arc a few issues later. Also in the very first issue of that book, where he jumps off a cliff in front of some campers (waiting until the last moment before using his ring) was an important moment for me in reading Hal, because it was the first time I went "oh! This guy is crazy!"

Idea for a story:

An exploration of the fact that Hal literally killed himself on panel in GL (2011) #19. Because like what the hell, why did this happen and then NO ONE EVER TALKED ABOUT IT. (This is insane to me). I think I'd probably revisit it in a dream sequence, maaaybe doing a rewrite/reimagining of his Knight Terrors issue (which I have NOT read lol) to kind of address that and talk about his mental state and things that had an impact on that, stuff like his parents, the Guardians, PARALLAX. Basically it'd be Hal and the ghost of Tomar-Re just talking about how he is not okay. A pretty heavy response to a pretty heavy topic.

Unpopular opinion:

I'm going to be so real here like 95% of my Hal opinions are unpopular bc its just me talking about how I think he's overrated. Like we're bros ig but still. Overrated.

Like I LIKE him but I'm annoyed at him like 80% of the time bc DC is always putting out a mid story focusing on him while ignoring my faves WHO ARE SO COOL AND DESERVE STORIES 😤����😭

I guess one beyond that is I'm not a fan of his friendship with Barry. Maybe this is just because I haven't read anything where they're like... interesting? But I just don't get the hype. ESPECIALLY compared to his relationship with Oliver which is absolutely insane in comparison. Like why are we talking abt Barry rn when OLLIE LITERALLY SHOT HAL AND HAL RESSURECTED OLLIE. like guys. Guys. Are you seeing this shit.

Favorite relationship:

Like ship wise? I'm not a huge Halcarol fan personally but I do think they're kind of the epitome of "you're perfect for each other. Never involve anyone else in what you have going on," kind of messy drama-filled relationship with a lot of history.

I also really like halollie and their relationship but not in like a "they should date" way or anything like that. Like they're bros to me who emotionally have a whole complicated little thing going on like idk

Within the lanterns I think the frenemy whatever thing Guy and Hal do is SO funny. I love especially the beginning of GL (1990) where Guy just in his free time shows up to ruin Hal's life while Hal is just so sick and done and mad about it. Peak comedy, Guy never change

Fave headcanon:

Do I have any headcanons about Hal? Not really. I try to think about him as little as possible (kidding). No um I'd say I don't really have any, and if I did they'd probably be really basic or smth like that he cries watching both Top Gun movies.

[itsnothingofinterest]

Do you really think this isn't going to be the final arc? I don't know how much table turning there is gonna be before deku talks no jutsus shigaraki into helping him beat up afo, I could see seeing the mina and kiri fights but I don't know if it's gonna be a huge oh no the villains are gonna win swing since we just got one from the kurogiri twice dump and are currently in the middle of the crackback from the heroes arriving here.

Thinking about it, yeah I am. As for why: well, it’s a few things.(Warning, this gets quite a bit ranty.)

Power-sclaing wise, it’s just a terrible final arc because the heroes are so much stronger than their opponents that there’s been no stakes since the villains were ambushed. Just jumping off what you say here; the closest thing we’ve had to a “the villains might win” swing was Kugoriri & Toga’s parade combo, which lasted 2 minutes and then got beat by one hero, because duh, that’s how just outmatched the villains have been this whole arc.

And on a related note, Deku or Tomura hardly need each others help to beat up AFO; either could 1v1 him and smash his face into the pavement easy. What does a 2v1 with the strongest people in the world on the same side even look like? I actually think AFO may not even leave the mountains if this is the final arc; because if his defeat isn’t in service of Tomura surpassing him, then getting wrecked for good by Tokoyami, Jirou, Shinsou, and everyone else he called an extra is probably the more fitting end for him.

So from a Shonen spectacle angle, this arc’s doing terribly as a finale because victory was tension-lessly assured from minute one.

But there’s also the emotional and narrative angles; how many dangling plot elements are there and how ready are the addressed plot threads to be properly resolved. And the answers to those are “more than there probably should be” and “not very, unless things suddenly become very rushed”.

But just focusing on what’s most pressing to me (this is already long); a lot of the inciting issues in hero society are not set to be addressed by the next generation, most kids aren’t even thinking about that while staring their foil villains in the face, any other attempts at ‘talk no justu’-esque communication have been falling though entirely, and the kids just don’t look ready to resolve they or their foils’ arcs. The only exception to any of that is Shoji, who came up with a total non-solution to prejudice that I feel would be a great start to an arc foiling Spinner, but a terrible finish. If that’s the precedent set for how these issues are getting resolved, then it’s shame how doomed class 1A feels to repeat their predecessors’ failures.

Overall, the arc feels to me like the kids are still learning. Deku, Shoto, & Uraraka are still learning Tomura, Dabi, & Toga’s deals; which makes sense when they only just realized to ask last arc. I really feel they’re all being set up more to finally get a clue then to resolve things here and now, as they're lacking the knowledge, tools, and development for that. And I’ll be honest; supposing for a moment Hori decided to end the war at chapter 400, I do not think 18 chapters would be enough time for the important kids' to gain that development even if it was entirely dedicated to them. (Not without rushing things so, as I said I was worried about, hero society goes unaddressed and loops back to where we are now in a few decades). But it would be enough time to get everyone going in the right direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(As an aside, did your ask somehow get edited? I have a copy of the original and it includes at the end of this ask: "...in the middle of the crackback from the heroes arriving here.I get your point. I'm just too used to shonen manga where the inverse ninja rule is heavily implemented. I don't really view the the mobs of bodies being thrown at the problem on either side as more than a way to get characters we haven't seen much show off and get their moment in the final arc."

Which I also answered. But for some reason is gone from the text box. Spooky.)

Never mind.

[aprillikesthings]

Man I got through that last one fast

s4 ep8 Boys' Night Out

(This one took way longer but also I stopped partway through bc Mal the cat had zoomies and I must appease him with the laser pointer)

ALSO this ended up with multiple Our Flag Means Death references, you're welcome

Glimmer etc. save a bunch of sea elf people from a little village as Hordak destroys it, roll intro

Apparently Double Trouble is refusing to tell them anything more

also they're still arguing about Glimmer going off on her own

also Mermista is taking a long bath and eating all the ice cream in Bright moon apparently

But yeah more arguing with Glimmer, and specifically getting mad at any hint of Adora telling her what to do

Which reminds me of a quote I copy/pasted into my fic notes (I do not remember where I got it I just know Nate said it)

"I think Adora has a huge character flaw where when she feels responsible for someone, she'll do anything to protect them to the point of fencing them in and accidentally taking away their agency. She thinks this is something that she's supposed to do, and I don't think she's fully addressed this part of herself. Catra and Glimmer think it comes from her ego, but she was raised to believe she was only worth anything to anyone if she was useful to them, so really she's just trying to prove herself to them. To prove that she's worth existing, even."

and like

ouch

but yeah it's hardcore on display here

Swift Wind invites himself along lol

lol

Hordak is a big dick, is gonna try to conquer more of Etheria himself so he looks all badass when Horde Prime shows up, orders Catra back to the Fright Zone

and she's stressed out and smooths out her hair D:

the bit of this character being asleep, getting elbowed awake, and iMMEDIATELY starting to play is so funny

why does Swift Wind know the words

new headcanon: Sea Hawk was a stripper at some point

*adds to "this wasn't meant to be a Sex Joke...probably"* collection

THE PHRASING DOESN'T HELP

Look I make so many jokes about cartoon bondage, and here Sea Hawk PAID SOMEONE TO TIE HIM UP AND PRETEND TO KIDNAP HIM I just

I can't even add to that lolol

something something insert "Our Flag Means Death"-based joke here

Swift Wind: I will contact Adora via MAGIC

back to Bright Moon

Adora: "what is going on with you? I know things are bad right now, but we can fix it!" Glimmer: "Why is that always your answer to everything!" Adora:

If you don't let me fix it I HAVE NO WORTH OR VALUE AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Glimmer: we haven't fucking fixed a god damn thing and shit is getting WORSE Adora: WELL YEAH BC YOU WON'T LET US HELP YOU,

Swift Wind: "She hung up on me!"

IS IT GONNA BE KARL

playing Sea Hawk was probably fun in general but he did in fact make seagull noises

omg it is Karl

okay so Admiral Scurvy is just like I WANT MONEY which brings me back to asking WHAT CURRENCY ARE THEY FUCKING USING

mopey kitty. do you need laser pointer zoomies, too

oh no she doesn't know Scorpia has left and is pouring out her heart not realizing nobody is listening

"Listen, I'll kill you if you tell anyone this, but...I thought winning would be different. Or at least more...I don't know, fun?"

poor bb

Back to the boys: the Horde paid their ransom 😬

oh god this is great

but also Glimmer and Adora are having a screaming match and Glimmer punches LOW, including the line "Maybe your best isn't good enough! If it was, my mother would still be here!"

I took a screenshot of Adora's face in response but I can't post it it's too sad

but anyway, bigger things to worry about

Mermista: "The boys are in trouble!!"

oh hey I remember that scene

Bow: Friendship takes work!!

that is a very good point

also let's face this episode exists in part just so we get to have an episode in which three male characters get rescued by three women :D

okay I like Mermista's song ngl

omg the double meaning of "fight with friends" catching up to them near the end of the song

and Catra goes looking for Scorpia and goes into her room and

omg this is so funny and cute

I forget where I read it (I've gone through so many interviews etc at this point omgggg) but iirc the note just says "sorry"

Back on the ship: Glimmer reaches out to try to talk to Adora--who smacks her hand away and stomps off

😬 oh boy

ADORA GOD DAMMIT

Mermista and Sea Hawk are still singing and having a good time, Bow stares off into the distance singing along, end of episode

...I took way more screenshots than I expected on this one lol

[fizzingwizard]

Because of those last two posts I randomly started thinking about Yugioh... and in particular the Doma arc... about which my opinions haven't changed since I was a teen, even though they were unpopular ones.

Since I'm perpetually long-winded I'll put the tl;dr up here: fans were unreasonbly harsh on Other Yugi during Doma because they were too busy feeling upset about Yugi to appreciate Other Yugi's storyline. But some of that is Doma's fault because while it's way stronger than a lot of filler, it's over-involved and has a rushed ending that fails to express its hero's growth. Also YGO fan culture circa Doma-era majorly sucked lol.

I never hated Doma. It's is my favorite filler arc, and what's great about it because it's filler is that it's not dumb. So much of 90s/2000s filler arcs in anime were just painfully stupid. But YGO, buoyed, I guess, by it's over-reliance on card games, was able to construct a couple filler arcs that weren't mindless nonsense. Not all of them! The KC Grand PRix, for example, is so bad it's unwatchable. But the Noa arc gave us a lot of backstory for the Kaiba brothers and asked some interesting questions about family and love. It doesn't go super deep, and the ending is uh, pretty weird, but also very fitting for sci-fi. It's not my favorite, because despite the ways it's better than most filler it's still got a lot of "stupid filler" features. But I appreciate that it took on something which was going unaddressed by canon (the Kaiba bros and their history) and tried to develop it.

Doma was like that. It took on the fact that Other Yugi is the soul of a pharaoh from ancient Egypt who has no memories of being so, and asked, "What does he actually feel about that?" Because all he does is play card games. Now and then we see him joking around with Yugi, even more rarely the others. But mostly he shows up, plays a cool combo, makes a kingly speech, and then disappears back into the Puzzle. It made sense in the context of the story. He's still fighting the war from the past, and he doesn't want to interfere too much with Yugi's present life. But as a fan, you gotta wonder what Other Yugi felt, discovering he's not actually an aspect of Yugi's personality but an entirely separate person with a past he no longer remembers.

Doma decided to ask that question. Of course it couldn't give us Other Yugi's backstory, since that would happen in canon. But it could address how Other Yugi feels while still not knowing anything. It could look at all the horrible things which have happened which are connected to Other Yugi, and which people (even fans sometimes!!) blame Other Yugi for even when it's not his fault, and ask what impact so much pressure would have on him. It said, "He's stressed. He acts strong, but he's not okay. He's reliant on Yugi for humanity, which means compassion and faith in his own goodness. If Other Yugi is a good person, he must be unable to look at the horrors going on around him and think it's fine. He must be wondering if he himself is evil, for being part of the cause. And a good person who thinks he's evil is bound to reach a breaking point."

I'm not counting the battle with Kaiba at Pegasus's Castle as a canonical breaking point because it's really more about Yugi's strength, and Other Yugi didn't even have a concept of himself having a past outside of Yugi then. That's memorable for totally different reasons. Although he initially tries to sacrifice it for Yugi's sake, in the end Canon Other Yugi follows the course of "destiny" with unfaltering dedication. I suppose the idea is that Other Yugi's convictions about his destiny are just too strong to brook any misgivings like the ones posed in Doma. But I always thought Other Yugi needed real character development, and before Memory World, Doma is pretty much the only thing that gives it to us. So I have to admire it for that.

Here's the tricky part. Doma took on something huge for Other Yugi. It put him in a situation where he had to face his anxieties that he might not have been a good king, that he might be just as bad as Bakura's other self. Where he had to exist on his own and trust in his own goodness sans Yugi's influence. It's a huge undertaking for canon, let alone filler!

I think Doma is right in its take on Other Yugi: that he'd be lost and bereft not because of not having Yugi but because not having Yugi means those weaknesses have nowhere to hide. Other Yugi is struggling, but he always struggles where no one else can see, and presents only strength and confidence in public. But the thing is, fans had never seen that before. The most we saw (if you were watching the Japanese version, btw, the US dub just wrote right over the following lines) was Other Yugi apologizing to Yugi for what he had to go through and wondering briefly whether he was bad for causing it. That happened in Battle City and was quickly forgotten.

We always see Other Yugi the winner. Doma showed us Other Yugi the loser. And fans did not accept him. I know the reason why is because he bartered Yugi's soul for the sake of winning. He thought he was bartering his own soul - a relevant point I feel many fans overlook - but it's still clearly risky, and on top of that, he went as far as to block Yugi from interfering with his duel with Raphael. Other Yugi took a massive risk with a power they knew couldn't be trusted, and he barred Yugi from having a voice while dueling in Yugi's body. It's all round terrible choices on Other Yugi's part.

Which is another part of Doma I love. It didn't give Other Yugi some stupid choice no one could really hate him for. It said we're going to test this guy for everything he's worth and it fucking went for it. That makes it very different from the Noa arc, where the Kaiba bros are unquestionably the stars and heroes.

In themes, Doma and Noa are similar. Both call into question one person's loyalty to another and ask whether their love is real or simply useful. Kaiba, as a sometimes villain, sometimes anti-hero, gets pretty lovely treatment: the fact that he's not a nice guy and puts his brother in dangerous situations all the time barely matters. And also when he loses it's fighting for his brother, and then there's someone (Other Yugi) to step in and win on his behalf. Meanwhile, with Doma, Other Yugi starts out as a hero, so he has much farther to fall. His duel with Raphael isn't for a righteous reason, but a self-serving one. And when he fails, there's no one to help. And he really loses what least deserved to be lost.

The stakes were high and Doma let the hero fail catastrophically. Because Doma understood that the only way characters grow is through failing tests against themselves. Not against business executives. Not against millionaires.

And Doma gave us plenty of explanation for Other Yugi's failure too! It didn't make him a temporary villain who would just go back to being the hero at the end of the filler arc so we'd all say "oh, Doma, yeah that was stupid and doesn't fit anywhere in the story as a whole." Doma told us that Other Yugi is breaking down without anyone knowing, and Raphael and Orichalcos are the final straw. Doma says this was going to happen, and if it hadn't happened, Other Yugi would have been weaker going into his final battle for his destiny. Doma said Other Yugi is traumatized too. And why shouldn't he be, having so much pressure on him all the time, with so little knowledge of himself and so little to distract him in that dank, dark mental labyrinth where he's trapped day in, day out?

This is what I think fans as a whole missed because they were too busy freaking out about "angelic Yugi, poor baby!" Don't get me wrong. Yugi is everything good and Other Yugi did make a horrible choice with Orichalcos. But Other Yugi is suffering from trauma every bit as much as the Kaiba bros. It's an existential trauma as well as a magical one which means it much less relatable, much less visceral. And Yugi is so sweet and kind! It's so easy to forgive the Kaiba bros because they love each other, be upset on poor Yugi's behalf, and completely ignore the intense mental upheaval Other Yugi was going through. It's not that Other Yugi should get blanket forgiveness. But his motives should be understood and his pain should be respected.

He didn't set out to risk Yugi's soul, or the Duel Monsters either for that matter. He meant to risk his own and to prove his mettle as a king by overcoming the Orichalcos's influence. It was stupid because he didn't have any proof that that was a good idea except that Raphael provoked him to try or accept that he was a failure. As a very strategic player, Other Yugi is used to taking calculated risks. But this wasn't that: if he'd been calm, he'd have realized that he couldn't be sure Yugi's soul would be fine and only his own would be lost. And he'd have realized that he had only Raphael's word that a pure soul could overcome Orichalcos to go on. Granted, Raphael seeming in perfect control while using Orichalcos himself probably seemed like pretty good evidence. But it certainly wasn't the only possible explanation and normally Other Yugi would know that. He chooses to play the Orichalcos card clearly under a lot of strain, even pushing Yugi away, which is unprecedented.

What this means is that, afterwards, the reason Other Yugi is suffering isn't just because of losing Yugi. It's also because he's now lost what sense of self he had. He had so little of it going into the Raphael duel, and he wanted to gain more by overcoming Orichalcos. Instead he lost Yugi and he lost his idea of himself as someone who cares about others and can trust his own heart. That's why he wanders. That's why he's so mixed up and and sad and broken for the next several episodes. And it's why, once again, Doma put off fans.

Because fans don't like to feel sad, unless it's in an "aw, poor puppy" way. They don't like to see someone who is strong wrestle with not being so. And words like "arrogant" or "impure" are trigger words in fandoms: apply them to any character even one time and that's all fans will remember about them forever and ever. Other Yugi made an arrogant decision; he acted arrogantly. But arrogance isn't who he is. How can we tell? Because he comes back, he wins and gets back what he lost, and he apologizes. And he doesn't do it again. He does better. The same goes for "impure." What even is purity? Why did fans accept it just because Raphael said it was real and mattered? Raphael provoked Other Yugi's anxieties and then laid a trap for him: he gave him what he most wanted, a duel that would "prove he's a true king," and set him up for an entire mountain of despair to crush him one he fell for it. Even with Yugi, Other Yugi was already in such a state of confusion and fear that it was something others could manipulate. Losing Yugi was heart-breaking, but it wasn't the cause of Other Yugi's troubles: they already existed. I prefer Doma's odyssey of test and riddles to the manga version of Atemu, who blindly does what he's told to do because "destiny," but who is also revealed to be just as much the player as a pawn during Memory Game without any transition.

Now that I've praised Doma up and down, let me wind back and say I also hate it. Because for all it gives us that's great, its execution leaves a lot to be desired. Other Yugi is rather hard to watch when he's so sad and weak for so long. It's especially hard when he's got Jounouchi and Kaiba for comparison, both of whom were put in much more heroic storylines. I find Kaiba's dull, since there's not really much Kaiba is really guilty of there - Amelda's grief was Gozaburo's doing. Jounouchi's is great for him as a masculine hero, but fucking sucks for Mai who is a helpless female caught between two men and sapped of any personal motivation. I love Jounouchi/Mai so I really wanted to like their subplot, but Doma really ruined Mai for the sake of Jounouchi's heroism.

Which makes me wonder if Doma hates Other Yugi. It gave classic hero stories to the others, but beat Other Yugi so hard he was wounded forever in the eyes of some fans. Especially in the aftermath of Doma's first airing, every fic had to make sure to describe Other Yugi's "arrogance" to prove they didn't like him an unreasonable degree. It's one reason I stopped reading YGO fic back then: I couldn't open one that didn't mistreat Other Yugi, often while glorifying Yugi's perfection or going to lengths to sympathize with and justify Kaiba's wrongs.

So are there things Doma should have done to lift Other Yugi up the same way? My overall opinion is not really. I think Other Yugi's Doma arc is clear and fitting right until the final battle. BUT! It fumbled the ending. It fumbled it really bad. The battle with Dartz gets stupid by not doing anything with Yugi and Other Yugi's long-awaited reunion. Not only was the art in that episode unfortuantely awful, but the scene itself is like... seconds. Barely memorable. Yugi hugging his friends is way more satisfying. And the weird bit at the end-end where Other Yugi gets hit by the vortex of anger and grief, I guess, was meant as the final proof that he had overcome all the tests Doma threw at hm. But once again bad art and a "running out of budget" vibe hurt that as well.

Endings are important. You can't rush them. Because Doma fumbled the ending, Other Yugi's victory has much less of an impact. Because it doesn't step back and reflect, but just kind of spouts some cliche phrases, we forget what Other Yugi has really accomplished. Kaiba sacrificing himself to let Other Yugi keep battling is memorable. In fact, Kaiba was much more useful than Other Yugi in most of the final Dartz duel, because Other Yugi had not quite recovered his confidence. After Kaiba's loss, Other Yugi faced real despair again, which should have been awesome but was, by then, kind of like "oh, he's sad again. Will he ever stop being sad?" Yeah, he won. We got cool golden lights and shit and then a miracle. But it's not the same as that victory being felt by fans.

So that's why in the end, I'm always half-and-half on Doma. Because it did what no filler ever dared to do before, I admire it so much. But because it was filler, it also couldn't keep all the subplots in balance, it couldn't do its main characters justice, and most importantly, it didn't stick the landing. For all those reasons, I understand why fans have mixed opinions on Doma. My general sense is that it's disliked but in a weird way where everyone still references it and uses it in their fics - proving how superior Doma is to other filler.

I will always have beef with fans who are unreasonably hard on Other Yugi over Doma, especially when those fans don't bat an eye at things other characters do. I hate that the purpose of Other Yugi's Doma arc flew over so many heads or just went unappreciated. I really felt it was much needed character development. And most of all I hate the impact it had on fandom, which made it so impossible to find Other Yugi-related fan works that didn't either overdo Doma or make sure Other Yugi was everlastingly apologetic about it.

Really, I can't express how nuts the fandom nonsense was - I didn't even want to talk about Doma, because fans were so extremely sure about Other Yugi's arrogance and Yugi's saintliness. Call any of that into question and you'd get attacked. It's been like two decades now though so I should be safe... right? X'D

[fanficallergy]

Hello! This is the admin from thgfanfictionlibrary (backup account for the library)! I just wanted to let you know that I responded to your reblog question/concern under the active authors part 5 post. Below is the reply:

Hello! I'm sorry that you felt you were deliberately excluded from the lists-that is 100% not the case! I'm sorry to hear that you're undergoing cancer treatments and that people have been nasty to you online as well, that is truly terrible on both fronts. I pulled these lists directly from the page of authors I created (which you are present on!) BUT I missed the "a" for active in your tagging for the listing despite having you as an active author! I've remedied the issue and you are now tagged as an active author using the tagging filter on that page. I've also added your listing to the current "active authors" post that is in my draft for when I have ten active authors. Again, I'm sorry that you felt you were excluded on purpose, that wasn't the case it was simply a coding error on my end! Sometimes things just slip through the cracks when I'm coding and I don't pick up on it!

-----

The page system I'm referring to is "Libraryofauthors" in case you wanted to take a look at it. Again, I'm sorry that you felt I had intentionally excluded you for one reason or another but I did have you listed, it just slipped through my coding when I was inputting the tags into it. Sorry about that! Let me know if you have any further questions, comments, or concerns and I'll be happy to update anything! (Also as an FYI I haven't gone back through after making that page to update the information I've added since late August of 2023 so if it says something is incomplete that is now complete or if your popular fic is different now that's why! I'll be updating probably mid-march when I have a little more time!)

Thank you for addressing this. ^_^

I figured it had been a mistake and not a deliberate slight, but it still felt not great, you know? Especially since there is a huge stigma where people stop reading your fics or commenting when they think you're inactive. Comments and feedback are the only currency we as authors receive and the feedback which often encourages us to write more (especially if it is more than just a "write more!" or "When's the next update!") can really feed our ability to write and to write with joy such that we want to share our work. Without that feedback, people give up. Decide the effort isn't worth the reward and really do stop writing in the fandom or at all.

Feedback matters and authors who are considered inactive get less feedback. People can have very good reasons for not updating and it can make them feel unwanted and unwelcome if they get tagged as inactive in their fandoms. In my case, I've been fighting 3 different, unrelated cancers since 2021, and while I've updated and written in that time, most of my energy has been devoted to my health and work so I can pay for health things. I know of other authors in this fandom who are going through major deaths in the family (parents/spouse), domestic abuse, or new parenthood all of which eat into someone's ability to update/write.

I kind of feel that the authors should make that distinction themselves (ie. state that they are on hiatus) or the length of time between declaring someone as inactive needs to be lengthened... A year feels short to me unless the author has declared a hiatus or died... because I do feel that death does put a damper on someone's update schedule. ~_^ From chatting with @rosefyrefyre we tend to consider a fic/author on hiatus if they haven't updated since 2020, and we allow for longer delays because of COVID, Real life, and the world going to hell right now.

I also understand that this is YOUR blog and you can decide what works best for it. I don't get to dictate what you do do on your blog. ^_^ I do appreciate you doing this in your free time, it has to be a lot of work. I also appreciate that we, as authors, are often easily upset or can get defensive. So dealing with all of the personalities can be tough.

So once again, thank you for addressing the error and correcting it. I do appreciate all of the work you're putting into this.

[system-of-a-feather]

You seem like you’re going through a lot of good things lately and I’m so happy for you. I wish you only the best and I hope you see even more good things, even if you have to fight for it. You’re doing amazing

Hell yeah honestly. We're currently in a life transition place and so I was really occupied sorting out and processing A through L of life and the transitions, while XIV's been dealing with T-Z and the both of us have been passing notes and counsel back and forth when we have the bandwidth and only now that I got in my hometown and am DONE with school that I had bandwidth to look over at XIV's recovery projects / problems and just double take like "okay dumb hoe wait you have such a wrong perspective on this" *smacks with folded fan*

Cause honestly at this point I genuinely don't think there is anything that between him and I - with the support of the rest of the system - that we COULDNT figure out and dude was like "I honestly do not have any inspiration or clue of a plan on how to tactically address this that I haven't tried or genuinely believe on an intuitive level as working"

And I was just like "........ YEAH DUMB BITCH CAUSE TRAUMAS KEPT ME OFF THE CHESS BOARD UNTIL LIKE A WEEK AGO WHAT THE FUCK SIR OF COURSE WE HAVENT GOT MUCH OF ANYWHERE WE NEVER GET MUCH OF ANYWHERE INDEPENDENTLY OTHER THAN BUILDING PERSPECTIVE YOU DUMB HOE IM ON THE CHESS BOARD NOW AND THATS THE HUGE FUCKING DIFFERENCE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT GOD SMH SMH SMH MOVE OVER AND TRUST ME YOU LOOSER ASSHOLE I GOTCHU IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS IN THE SIDE FOR MONTHS STFU STFU STFU AND LET ME DO MY SHIT GOD FUCK YOU MAN"

Ahem.

Honestly though our lifes actually pretty good at this point. It's really weird cause I always hated hearing it earlier in my recovery and I always went "God fuck that" but in a weird way, I've kind of come to realize that a lot of my life / trauma was very "front loaded". Cause the way we grew up had us chronically fighting both mentally, physically and intellectually just to get by and living one bare bones while "studying the system" and how to survive in the capitalistic world and all that just to solely maintain a sense of hope and direction out of the hell we were in and that carried into college where we sacrificed So Fucking Much to maintain everything to the near perfect check point hittings and all and like, ALL of that was hell ALL of that was miserable and NO one should have to do that because it was REALLY bad

But now that I'm like almost actually genuinely out of most realms of trauma environments including the passive ones, I'm realizing that compared to a lot of people my age, I'm very very very well equipt to deal with the capitalistic nightmare of adulthood on both a survival / budgetting manner, a work endurance level, and on a psychological level of like... defense against getting dragged into it - at least certain parts are XD I'm still really bad with the 3rd in exchange for being extremely good at the 2nd

-Riku

[passingdaysthings]

01.14.2024 - New year, Probably Same Old BS

Today in Sunday.

I realized that I haven't updated in awhile, and I was pretty emotional my last post. I think that the winter break I had really helped because I don't feel as tense or as stressed as I was last quarter. Some big things did happen over my winter break though. One, the most notable it that me and my sister are not really on talking terms because we got into a huge fight over break, and how do I feel about that? Not much. I think she is being ridiculous about the whole situation that happened, and she even went and involved my cousins. She was immature about, and I don't have the time to put up with it. Two, Taylor as per usual, I told him how upset I was with him, told him we are just friends, no more sleeping together or whatever, and I still ended up talking about sleep with him. I am a fool for thinking I can actually stop because this is like the 4th time I have failed? Not only that.. he actually sent me nudes???? Like, he got me LOL. I was shocked. Third, I messed up at work, and a lot of other things happened at work on top of that. I couldn't really control the other stuff that happened outside of my fuck up though. Lastly, I am going to class full time this quarter, and I am really going to try. I already started slacking, but I am just getting it together after a decently long break. I am not sure why, but I have a confident feeling about this quarter. I am so far starting 2024 off with a very happy and confident feeling in general.

I am going to address the things I mentioned one by one. Starting with one, and it's probably going to be short because I don't have much to say. I think that my little sister is going through disillusionment with my mom because my mom isn't giving her what she wants without consequences. My little sister typically gets what she wants without much push back, and she is treated as the baby. Typical. She is the youngest. Recently, my mom offered to help her buy a new house, but revoked that offer when my little sister chose a house my mom didn't like. For me, this is very typical of my mother because my love from her has always been conditional. As soon I did something she did approve or dislike, then I was a bad child, and she would treat me coldly. Therefore, I grew up knowing that my mom's love for me has always been conditional, and that condition is "you will do what I say". I have grown from that though, and that is thanks to her really pushing me over the edge when she got her cancer diagnosis, blamed me for it, and then continuing to use it to control me. Absolutely wild. I have nothing to do with it, and of course, my little sister tried to smooth things over between us by saying she is just crazy from the emotions. I, who had to take most of the craziness, do not give two flying fuck about her emotions, and I am not going to sit here and take it. I am trying my best to decide on my life and career, and I am not going to sit and take her emotions. I am going to protect my peace. I was doing that perfectly fine until my little sister decided she was woke, understood everything, and tried to "fix" the relationship between my mom and me. Funny, right? My little sister who has always had unconditional love and care thought that her one major incident was enough for her to understand what I have been going through my entire life. Of course, my mother came to me during my sisters little "I am going to fix everything" moment, and told me that I was not allowed to be mad at her because she is sick, and I have to love her. Absolutely wild. I had already come to terms with everything because my mom is not going to change, and I am not interested in changing her. I am not interested in changing anyone for that matter because people should be able to recognize how their own actions hurts other as I have, and continue to learn and change from. This started a fight between me and my little sister that lead to her saying she needs space from me. This was wild because I was napping, and she barged into my room to force this "fixing" on me. I am just hanging out now, and I am focusing on my stuff. I am almost done with school. As for my mother, I am just going to continue on, and I am not going to feel bad about using her money or having her take care of me. I use to, but I don't now. She wired my sister 70k. The least she can do for me is help pay for my school WHICH does not equate to the money she sent to my sister for a house. It is actually much less. Also, she should support me anyways because I am her daughter, and I wanted to pursue higher education.

Two. Honestly, my favorite topics because it has taught me a lot about myself. My relationship with Taylor is the weirdest thing I have ever been through LMFAOO. I think it also comes from my person inexperience with a relationship like this. We are basically in a situationship from what I know? I don't really like to call it that because I genuinely feel like we care for each other or at least, in my pov we do. He treats me extremely different from all of his other "friends", and ig, the biggest thing is constantly spending time with me. He has slept with his other friends, so the sleeping together part is normal for him. Him wanting to sleep with me is not the weird part of our friendship, and that makes me laugh all the time. The special part of our friendship is that he spends all his time with me and confinds in me more than others. This man ignored his best friend of 15+ years for two week, but talks to me everyday. Not only that, he ignored his friend during Christmas because his best friend told him to come over, but he spent Christmas eve and day with me. I was dead when he told me. He spent time with his irl best friend while I was on a trip in Texas with my college friends. He told me that his best friend was complaining to him because he just ignored him for two weeks. Poor Zack and Ryan, dude. Taylor is like though. He ignores all these people who try to talk to him, but he talks to me everyday. He also becomes anxious when I don't talk to him or am weirdly quiet. I think... actually..unconsciously, I tell him what I am up to if I am about to ignore him for a long period of time. After what happened in my last post, I tried to tell him that we were just friends, and that we can't be talking about sleeping together. That didn't last because a week ago, we talked about it again. We even took it a little further because we both sent nudes. The only thing I feel strongly about this time is how dumb I am. I am just going to stop this whole trying to stop things because I cave every time, and I feel dumb after. I won't be starting it though. Maybe. I might. Depends on if I am feeling myself. I have also come to terms with my relationship with Taylor, so I think that's why 204 started off very refreshing. This has been what our relationship is life for TWO years now. I am just waiting for him to drop me, and if he doesn't, then I guess we continue because I don't really plan on dropping him. Of course, I will have the cross the bridge of explaining things to my future boyfriend, and at that time, I will have to distance myself from Taylor. It just has to happen because I want to respect my boyfriend, and I know that the person I am going to be with won't be comfortable with our relationship. I think that same about Taylor. I just won't stick around if he find a gf because I never want to get in the way of his happiness. I am not going to give him that happiness, so I will make myself scarce. I would also not want to make another girl feel uncomfortable about my presence. Taylor may not know, but I know that our friendship is something that would need to be sacrificed when one of us finds a s/o.

I don't really wanna type anymore, and I have homework that is due on like 4 hours. I should get to it LOL. Bye.

-P