#and no I will not apologise for adding to the stigma

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

Y’all be grateful for consequences because if there were no consequences I would just do whatever the hell I wanted with no moral compass whatsoever

[asteriastarr]

Heyyyyy Could I maybe ask for a Deuce Gorgon x Reader (established relationship) where Deuce thinks Y/n is a human and tries to hide the fact he's a gorgon from her only to find out she is immune to his gaze thing, sorry if this is confusing

AHHH TY SM FOR THE REQUEST ANON, sorry this took so long, nyways hope you enjoy I tried my best :)

POV: Deuce x Human!Reader

‘I shouldn’t have fallen for a human.��� Deuce thought as he walked down the street, holding his girlfriend’s hand as she rambled excitedly about her day, he however, wasn’t listening, instead, he was zoned out, admiring her features through his blacked-out glasses.

“-And then Raven said- Deuce are you alright?” She asked in concern, stopping in her tracks.

“Huh? Oh, yeah sorry, I just got distracted.”

“Oh.” She hummed before continuing her rambling.

Deuce gave a smile as he watched her ramble, continuing their walk down the street, it slightly dropping as thoughts overcame him.

He knew it wasn’t right- he knew he shouldn’t be keeping this secret from her; knew he could be putting her in danger by not telling her about what he was but- how did he know she wouldn’t immediately break up with him once she discovered what he actually was? He had fallen too hard to risk that.

So instead, here he was, walking alongside his girlfriend, on a hot early summer day a beanie covering his hair, a scarf wrapped around his neck and his thick blacked-out glasses covering his eyes- all to protect his secret from both the world and his girlfriend.

“-I mean, I don’t really get the whole stigma around not wanting to follow in your parent's footsteps, like- I don’t want to be a carbon copy of my mother y’know?”

“Yeah, I get it.” He smiled, adjusting his glasses to ensure they didn’t fall off.

“Y’know, in our months of dating, you’ve never once removed your beanie or sunglasses, even indoors.” She mentioned causing him to stop in his tracks.

“Well- I uh- just-” He stammered trying to think of a reasonable excuse. “I mean don’t get me wrong, it's cute, but I mean- it’s getting to Summer now, surely the beanies making you overheat.” She rambled.

“Well-”

“I mean, I like thought about it for ages, I mean I was worried about you and stuff, then I figured it out.”

“Y-you did?” Deuce stammered, eyes widening as a panic rushed over him.

“Mhmm.” His brain was working a mile a minute; how could he get out of this? She had managed to figure out he was a gorgon! Does he just laugh it off? Apologise for not telling her?

“You’re insecure.” She said softly.

He froze, feeling her gently wrap her arms around him, and a wave of relief washed over him.

“What?”

“You’re insecure… I get it! Most people are.” She repeated.

“Right… yes, I am very insecure about my eyes and hair.” He said slowly.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay! I understand.” She spoke.

He gave her a soft smile, what had he done to deserve a girl like her?

He slowly wrapped his arms around the girl, giving her a light squeeze before pulling away as they returned to their walk, Y/n gently holding his hand.

However, as they walked, Deuce turned his head to say something to her, when a passerby bumped him, causing his glasses to fall off his face. Deuce quickly closed his eyes to avoid turning his girlfriend to stone. He knew however, he’d looked her in the eyes. Pained, he slowly opens his eyes, to find her- still breathing and made of flesh, gently pushing his glasses back over his eyes.

“There you go.” She smiled, reaching up to press a kiss to his cheek before adding “You have very lovely eyes by the way.”

Deuce remained frozen in place as she walked ahead, remarkably confused.

[erenaeoth]

I got there. It took me a few days to watch through it all, but I had to persevere and see it through! It was neat to see some of the history repeating itself (shame they had to butcher all their existing stories to do it).

Yes, I definitely agree on Kuai's character. It's very annoying to ditch all their character arcs and then just opt for good bro bad bro. and i suppose they wanted a brother story, but thought it would be confusing with two cryomancers or something. But like you said, it's not like Bi-Han added anything to the story anyway.

The greatest loss to me is all the character development from MKX. The way Kuai becomes this quiet, lonely sad older man, shaped by grief but loyal to all his allies. The way Hanzo gets to start anew and apologise for his mistakes, and find a new family in training Kenshi's son. The way Johnny and Sonya grow apart but learn to have friendly relations anyway. And awesome characters like Cassie and Jackie, or the way the Kung Jin brought out something so gentle and caring in Raiden. The power-couple underdog villains that Tanya and Mileena got to be, and the awful stuff Mileena had to go through as she struggled to live under the weight of stigma and Shao Kahn's legacy. There were so many stories that could only exist because they built on stories and growth told in previous games and comics. Those are all lost, and no longer a part of who the characters on screen are, and those were the stories I loved to think about and write fiction to fill in the gap for. I finally understand how devastated friends of mine were by the MK9 reset. I came in on MK9, so while I enjoyed watching the older games, I never felt like I missed their stories as much.

If you have to fit 30 kharacters into a coherent story (and mk1 was a lot more coherent than most previous stories), then some kharacters are going to lose out, and get slapped with some generic labels like good ninja bad ninja and we promise thats smoke he's lost his hair. I said this about MK11 too, but I'd rather my favourite kharacters weren't in a game, than they were and they were throwaway fillers or out of kharacter.

If I was new to Mortal Kombat, I might think the yellow, grey, and blue ninja guys looked cool and had neat powers, but I sure as hell wouldn't be compelled by their stories. Because the previous grandmaster was 'good' as well, Kuai has become 'guy who wants to keep the status quo' as opposed to someone who had to fight tooth and nail to maintain some integrity in a cruel organisation. All his strength of character is gone, and instead he's relegated to saying "we shouldnt do that, its not how it was done before". Such a departure from the previous incarnation of the character, who had to have been someone who thought and fought his whole life to understand what was right and carry that in his heart even when he couldnt yet act on it. I wrote 3 full length novels about that, and now people will wonder why on earth I did, because this new guy is some dull nobody who's motivated by a vague sense that his dad had the right idea so they shouldnt change things.

I got carried away so I'm going back to your message now!

I went and watched Mileena's ending and it's really nice. I'm glad we get to see her potential and how they let her grow. I thought she'd again be deposed by Kitana in this game, so it was a nice surprise that they let her grow kinder and be painted as a competent leader.

At first I wasn't convinced by how Johnny looked, but he grew on me a lot, especially with how well acted his facial expressions were. Maybe it is more of a first movie look. Off the top of my head, I think Johnny is a bit slimmer in the movie, but he definitely has some of that look to him I think.

Totally- I was so confused as to why Shang Tsung would reveal what he'd done to Reptile's family! Just keep stringing him along! I agree though - the one thing that was missing was Sheng Tsung's wisdom and oddball kindness. Maybe it's because he's not an ancient sorcerer, or because he has free reign rather than having to please Shao Kahn, but I too always liked the way he had a pragmatic kindness for his creations and minions. He took a kind of responsibility for those under him and a fascination for their oddities. Having Reptile willingly work for him as the only person who would accept him could have added really powerful depth into his character. I guess they wanted him to be a more obvious villain this time around, bar his self-preservation working with the heroes.

Yes I think woobified is the term for Reptile. They layed it on too hard with his oh-so-sad-back-story and his constant whining about it to the point where I felt next to no sympathy and I just wanted him to shut up. I think he suffers from the same side character problem as Kuai does actually. They dont have the time to give him on-screen development, so they quickly had him spout as many sad lines as possible about his sad life. With a bit of restraint and subtely, they could have done so much more with less.

The more fighting games go in for detailed plots, the more wary I am. To me the draw has always been the snapshot facts you learn about these odd characters, and you get to fill in the gaps yourself and think about how they got from A to B. The more game devs fill that in, the more they display the fact that they don't hire fantastic writers. Fighting Games have never been fantastic story tellers, but they are fantastic at having magnetic characters, and hinting at the wider world they inhabit and the things they desire. The more those gaps are filled in with subpar writing, the less interested I become.

Like, MK9 Kuai Liang never turned to the camera and said - "I had a really rough childhood but I've struggled to understand what I think right and wrong are, and even though I'm obedient to the Grandmaster and I respect Bi-Han, what I want is different to both of them." He had about three lines, mostly about seeking vengeance for Bi-Han, and trying to help other earthrealmers. All the rest was context from what we know of the Lin Kuei. Characters can tell you about themselves without Telling you about themselves.

Anyway I think I've ranted enough! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it was neat to watch Mileena's ending and I totally agree on Reptile, Shang Tsung, and the Lin Kuei of course! My favourite kharacter in MK1 was definitely Shang Tsung. He had depth and motive, duplicity, charm, arrogance, all the things I love in a fleshed out, believable villain. Mileena is up there too, and Johnny as well actually. They gave Johnny the space to show his charm, which done well takes some patience, because he needs to be established as a brash narcissist very well before you let him come and be selfless to others. I think they did a great job with that. It was touching when he gave Sento to Kenshi.

Some MK1 thoughts

Since Mortal Kombat 1 cutscenes are now available on YouTube (and me watching it up to 4 a.m.), here some thoughts under cut:

This is the most pro-Mileena game and I’m glad for the girl to finally have supportive family and friends. Generally I’m very touched how much the Edenian female cast was bonded with each other, that Li Mei and Sindel turned out to be the best friends, Tanya and Mileena were in happy relationship (as much as it could be due to Umgadi laws), Mileena and Kitana for once did not need to fight for throne. Good stuff.

However, the game that advertises itself with “Fight through a brand new story featuring your favorite Mortal Kombat characters like you’ve never seen them before” can’t apparently give us a storyline in which Bi-Han & Kuai Liang are from start to (bitter) end brothers in every sense of the word. I guess, it is my own fault for hoping too much but the frustrating disappointment stings double so, because Mileena and Kitana got their happy family. And look, I don’t mind Bi-Han being so done with everyone and everything and wanting to combat / challenge authority of others while not caring much for Liu Kang’s godly status and all, but is that really so much to ask for having at least one game he is on brother’s side to the bitter end? I’m not even asking for a story to keep Bi-Han relevant to the final chapter, just him being (sort of) a good brother. 

I know I was foolish, but the plot twist of Lin Kuei only playing the thugs to test Kung Lao and Raiden from first chapter raised my hopes - supported a bit by the fact that Bi-Han was jerk to Smoke only to few scenes later asking both Kuai Liang and Tomas are they unharmed after he defeated Nitara. Because the Sub-Zero chapter (Band of Brothers!) was the best for another plot twist. We could have Bi-Han playing the role of a traitor so he and Kuai Liang could learn more about enemy’s true goal / weapon and if game creators didn’t want keep Bi-Han in the story (or couldn’t give him anything relevant to do in later chapters) they could kill him and I’m glad they didn’t or capture him or whatever. Like I said, I don’t need heroic Bi-Han per se, just him and Kuai Liang having the brotherhood we hear about since the original series. It is about damn time!

On another note, Sektor being loyal to Bi-Han and being shown in the Sub-Zero ending was such a nice addition. Though I’m still mad, that brothers are divided into Kuai Liang & Tomas vs Bi-Han & Sektor/Lin Kuei. The Lin Kuei storyline did not impress me at all.

At least, in the final fight between good and evil timelines, there is plenty version of Bi-Han and the fact that game allows the player to choose the character on their own (including Sub-Zero) warmed my heart so much ❤

I’m surprised in a good way by Johnny Cage, he was witty and great, but I’m truly touched how helpful and nice he was to some characters (and is it me, or did this Johnny felt so much like Johnny from MK movie 1995?). Him and Kenshi was pretty funny interaction but also him inviting Syzoth and Ashrah to come with them to Earthrealm AND THEN STAYING WITH THEM WHEN THE REST OF TEAM ALREADY WENT TO REST TO PROPERLY INTRODUCE THOSE TWO TO LIU KANG that is, this is the best of Johnny and I love they keep showing him like that ❤

And of course, Shang Tsung ❤ Though I do not understand why Shao Kahn was allowed to be Outworld general while Shang Tsung was given such a pitiful life? Sure, he is dangerous and all, but I would argue who was the worst person in previous lifes. Anyway, every time Shang Tsung works for the good guys, it is frankly my favorite thing. 

In general, the game looks gorgeous, the characters are cool, though I would love for some to have more screen time and some, like Bi-Han, to actually have a proper, meaningless relationship and part in the story. But I guess, Bi-Han is just fated to doom since the first game…. nothing new.

[the-empress-7]

Harry and Meghan: Where Buckingham Palace disagrees with the duke and duchess

Check out what they believe went down at the Bridesmaids dress fitting… I feel extra bad for Kate now!

By Valentine Low

Buckingham Palace has made clear that it does not accept the truth of everything the Duke and Duchess of Sussex said in their interview with Oprah Winfrey. In a bold assertion by the standards of royal pronouncements, the official statement on behalf of the Queen said that “some recollections may vary”.

They will not be debated in public: the palace is keen to avoid the tit-for-tat of claim and counter-claim. These, however, are the possible areas of contention:

Racism When she was pregnant with Archie, Meghan said there were “concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born”. There were, she said, “several conversations” about it with Harry, and an unnamed member of his family.

Harry’s account differed slightly from from his wife’s. He only referred to one conversation, and said that it was “right at the beginning”, before they were married.

It is hard to know what the palace position is on this, as they have not commented. But whoever it was may well have their own memory of the conversation.

Oprah Winfrey said that off-camera, Harry 

ruled out the possibility

 that it was the Queen or the Duke of Edinburgh.

Mental health When she was feeling suicidal, Meghan said she went to one of the most senior people in the household “just to get help”. She said: “I said that ‘I’ve never felt this way before, and I need to go somewhere.’ And I was told that I couldn’t, that it wouldn’t be good for the institution.”

This raises several questions. Why did she not go to a doctor, such as one of the doctors working for the medical household? Why would the palace not want to help, especially given that mental health has been one of the most prominent campaigning areas for Prince Harry and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex? Harry, after all, has spoken on several occasions about his own mental health, and how he has had therapy to cope with feelings about the death of his mother.

And why would an official put the standing of the institution above the mental health of a member of the royal family, given all that Harry — and William and Kate — have said through their Heads Together campaign about the importance of removing the stigma surrounding mental health?

Also, Meghan said she went to human resources to ask for help. Why? Some insiders believe this was odd, given that HR is there to deal with issues concerning staff, not the royal family.

In the interview Harry admitted that he did not tell anyone in his family that Meghan needed help. He said: “I guess I was ashamed of admitting it to them … I didn’t have anyone to turn to.”

Bridesmaids’ dresses One of the first stories to cast Meghan in a negative light was the claim that before her wedding there was a row over bridesmaids’ dresses in which the Duchess of Cambridge cried. According to Meghan, it was Kate who made her cry.

“She was upset about something, but she owned it, and she apologised. She brought me flowers and a note, apologising.”

Describing Kate as “a good person”, she added: “I’m not sharing that piece about Kate in any way to be disparaging to her. I think it’s really important for people to understand the truth.”

However, insiders tell a different story. One said the row happened when the bridesmaids’ dresses had to be altered a week before the wedding. Meghan told them when to come, but Kate wanted to come at a different time. She was told it would not be possible, and went round at the time that suited Meghan.

“Meghan was incredibly rude. The duchess cried and left.”

After William intervened to try to calm the situation down, the duchess took flowers to Meghan the next day in an attempt to make peace.

The source said: “Meghan slammed the door in her face.”

Charles Harry told Oprah Winfrey that in the first few months of 2020 his father cut him off financially.

However the Prince of Wales appears to differ in his recollection of what happened. Charles, who previously bankrolled Harry’s office to the tune of something approaching £2.5 million a year, was said by a source to feel “let down” by Harry’s claim.

A source told the London Evening Standard: “The Prince of Wales went out of his way to make sure his son and daughter-in-law were financially supported.”

Prince Archie The Duchess of Sussex has claimed that members of the royal family did not want Archie to become a prince.

This is a complicated area because Archie was never due to be a prince when he was born. Rules introduced by George V in 1917 mean that great-grandchildren of the monarch, other than the elder son of the eldest son of the Prince of Wales, are not styled HRH and do not get the title of prince or princess.

However when the Queen dies Archie would then be a grandchild of the monarch, and would therefore get his HRH and become a prince.

However, Meghan suggested to Winfrey that there were plans to change this rule. She said: “While I was pregnant they said they wanted to change the convention for Archie.”

No royal sources have confirmed this. One said they were unaware of such conversations.

The Sussex camp believes that it is Prince Charles who intends to introduce this change, rather than the Queen. It is understood that they believe he would introduce it on his accession, as part of his plans for a slimmed-down monarchy.

Charles believes that having fewer working members of the royal family would reduce the burden on the taxpayer and help justify the existence of the institution.

The question of Archie’s title was further complicated by the way the duchess linked the issue with the question of his security.

Several sources have said that his title had nothing to do with security, which was a matter for Scotland Yard and, ultimately, the home secretary.

====

Thank you.

[aspergerasparagus]

Some Alone Time

Did I write Sniper Mask nasty fanfic? Yes. I apologise in advance.

Letting out a long sigh, Sniper Mask collapsed onto the bed, the soft sheets beneath him cushion his fall. It had been another long day, not just for him, but everyone. Running from the other Masks, trying to gather more supplies, listening to a bunch of teenage girls talking incessantly about who knows what. He might have tried to zone out of their conversation after about a couple of hours of it. Don’t get him wrong, he enjoyed the company, even if he wouldn’t show it outwardly but still. It was exhausting after awhile. He had never been a “people” person if you could call it that, preferring his own company most of the time.

Letting out a small yawn he tossed his hat onto the bed beside him before he ran a gloved hand through his hair, tousling it slightly as he relaxed back into the plump pillows that covered the head of the bed. The girls had long since gone to bed. Well hopefully they had. He had gone into check on them only to find them playing some sort of high school sleepover game well after they had wished him goodnight. He let out a soft chuckle as he thought about them. Even after all they had been through and the powers they had all gained, they were still just 16 year olds at heart and in their down time it really shone through. Ah the ignorance of youth.

He could feel a smile tugging on his lips as he folded a hand behind his head, the other absentmindedly fiddling with his belt buckle as he attempted to settle himself down. He really should try and get some rest himself, after all they’d be up early the next morning. Wasn’t safe to settle down somewhere for too long in this world. But even with that thought still in his head, he wasn’t able to let sleep take him yet. An invasive little thought had been lingering in the back of his head for sometime now. One he had been pushing to the side and burying given there were more important concerns at the present time. However now that he was alone, relaxing in his own room and bed, the idea wormed its way back up to the surface like an annoying parasite. He was really horny.

It was his hormones he told himself. He was a young adult male, and he had… needs. Especially now that the mask had been cracked and its coding dampened by Kuon. It was something he had been trying to ignore, but on nights like this where he still had some left over pent up energy it was hard to deny them. Letting out a groan of annoyance he glared up at the ceiling. This wasn’t the best place to really indulge himself. Imagine being caught by a Mask or worse one of the girls halfway through the act. He grimaced at the thought and brought a hand up to his masked forehead trying to dispel the thought. Yeah that would be enough to get him to throw himself off one of the buildings even without the masks suicide code input.

Letting out another sigh he glanced down at his body, sprawled out on the bed, his hand still fiddling with his belt. His eyes darted to the door, assessing the situation. From what he could hear, the girls talking had finished a while back and now he could only hear their soft breathing coming from the room adjacent to his. They were all out for the count. And even if one of them did stir, he’d hear it the moment they did. Dragging his eyes away he hesitated slightly before cautiously running his fingers gently over the front of his trousers. Maybe… maybe he could get away with it. As long as it was quick. Just something to help him get to sleep. Chewing the inside of his cheek he weighed up his options before muttering a soft “fuck it” under his breath as he began to palm himself through his pants.

It really had been far too long since he did this. His body immediately started to respond to his touch as he felt himself hardening up nicely under the teasing touches. Letting out a breathy groan he rolled his hips slowly against his palm, savouring how his trousers restricted his movements slightly, tightening around his hips and groin as he rocked against himself. There was a certain thrill he’d never admit, but getting off while still dressed had always appealed to him. The nicer the outfit, the more he got his rocks off. A lady in a gorgeous expensive evening gown would set him off, but a man in a tailored made suit was in a whole different ball game. His hand hesitated slightly at the last thought as he silently cursed himself. Burying his head against the pillow he shut his eyes trying to push the thought away but still it remained.

Sniper Mask knew he liked women. Of course he did, he was a man after all! But as he had gotten older he had found his gaze… wandering. Wandering over to members of the same sex. He had come to the realization sometime during his teens that maybe he wasn’t entirely straight. Bisexual was the word he had heard mentioned once, that was probably what he would call himself. Not that he’d voice it allowed, hell he even struggled to say it to himself now. It wasn’t bad, he knew that, but something akin to a stigma still hung around the word for him. The idea of liking both sexes was still a new concept to him, something he still had yet to fully explore. Something he would probably never explore now that he was stuck in this damn other dimension. Fiddling with the sheets with his free hand he eyed his obviously tented pants before letting his finger gently trace over the shape. He could maybe entertain the idea tonight. Just for tonight.

Working his hand over his crotch again he let out a soft moan as he let his fantasy play out in his head. He imagined it was a well dressed man touching him. Expensive suit, accessories that would cost an arm and a leg to afford, gently touching him, working him up into a frenzy as he spoiled him. He’d give Sniper everything he wanted and more, just wanting to see the other man enjoying himself in the throws of passion. Another soft swear escaped Sniper’s lips as he groped himself roughly through his trousers, fuck that was a hot idea. He could almost see them, kissing every exposed piece of skin he could, all the while whispering praises which Sniper would return in earnest. But the touching wouldn’t be enough, he’d need more.

Eyes snapping open Sniper let himself catch his breath for a moment as he came to a realisation. He needed more. His hand wasn’t enough this time. He needed to get off to this fantasy, it really was too good of an opportunity to miss. Turning his head he eyed up the numerous other pillows surrounding his head. Was he really going to stoop to this? Throwing what little shame he had left to the side he quickly snatched up one of the pillows. Before he had time to reconsider he rolled over to his knees and positioned himself over the pillow, propping it up against himself as his cock ached painfully inside the confines of his trousers. Wasting no time he ground his crotch against the fabric, letting out a louder than intended moan as he pushed the pillow harder against himself. Yes, this was exactly what he needed. It would just be enough to get him off good and hard, plus it just added more to his little fantasy. It wasn’t a pillow in the fantasy snuggly buried between his thighs, it was his fantasy man. Both of them were moaning each other's names as Sniper got them both off. Being the more dominant one fit his persona better, so having his current lay begging under him while telling how good it was was really appealing to him like nothing else. Fuck he wasn’t going to last long at this rate.

What would the other think if they found him now, desperately humping a pillow as he moaned and grunted as he imagined that it was another man beneath him. Sniper felt a wave of shame roll over his as his hips hesitated slightly but he shook his head, dispelling the thought. Who gave a damn right now what they thought. He just wanted to finish, and finish hard. He could deal with the shame and regret after he had cum.

Panting now, drool dripping down the side of his mask slightly as he continued to fuck himself against the pillow, he knew he was getting close. He could feel the damp patch staining the front of his trousers now, as his cock begged for release. Maybe he could tease this out for longer? Edge himself and not let himself finish for another couple of minutes, just so he could revel in the delicious agony of denying himself only to get lost in the intense pleasure that was sure to follow. Maybe if he found a partner like the man in his fantasies he could really entertain the idea. Sniper had to bite his lip as another pathetic noise escaped his mouth. Fuck, oh fuck imagine. He bet if he found someone like that they’d work him up into a pitch only to pull away at the last moment, not out of cruelty but just to cater to his every fantasy. Crying out, Sniper snapped his eyes closed as he picked up his pace, cock rubbing against his trousers as he humped the pillow even faster. He couldn’t last given that last thought and with a broken moan he climaxed, spilling himself into confides of his trousers as he desperately rode out his orgasm.

After a minute or two he flopped forward onto the bed, completely exhausted and panting softly as he came down from his post orgasm high. That had been intense and it had taken everything out of him, finding himself rather sleepy now finally. However the bliss was soon overshadowed by the creeping realisation of what he had done. Groaning he rolled off the pillow and cringed as he noted the obvious wet patch on both the front of his trousers and the pillow. He really couldn’t believe he had done that, and to that fantasy of all things. Covering his eyes he swore softly to himself before sluggishly pulling himself off the bed, taking the pillow with him. He needed a shower. A very hot one. Something to help wash away the memory of what he had done and just how good it had made him feel. As he headed into the bathroom he stopped by the closet and threw the soiled pillow as far back into it as he could. Out of sight out of mind as they say. But even as he closed the door to the mess he had made the memory of his fantasy still lingered in the back of his head, making his cheeks heat up as he replayed it over and over.

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

[motherofbulldogs]

Harry and Meghan: Where Buckingham Palace disagrees with the duke and duchess

Valentine Low

Wednesday March 10 2021, 12.01am GMT, The Times

Buckingham Palace has made clear that it does not accept the truth of everything the Duke and Duchess of Sussex said in their interview with Oprah Winfrey. In a bold assertion by the standards of royal pronouncements, the official statement on behalf of the Queen said that “some recollections may vary”.

They will not be debated in public: the palace is keen to avoid the tit-for-tat of claim and counter-claim. These, however, are the possible areas of contention:

Racism

When she was pregnant with Archie, Meghan said there were “concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he’s born”. There were, she said, “several conversations” about it with Harry, and an unnamed member of his family.

Harry’s account differed slightly from from his wife’s. He only referred to one conversation, and said that it was “right at the beginning”, before they were married.

It is hard to know what the palace position is on this, as they have not commented. But whoever it was may well have their own memory of the conversation.

Oprah Winfrey said that off-camera, Harry ruled out the possibility that it was the Queen or the Duke of Edinburgh.

REUTERS

Mental health

When she was feeling suicidal, Meghan said she went to one of the most senior people in the household “just to get help”. She said: “I said that ‘I’ve never felt this way before, and I need to go somewhere.’ And I was told that I couldn’t, that it wouldn’t be good for the institution.”

This raises several questions. Why did she not go to a doctor, such as one of the doctors working for the medical household? Why would the palace not want to help, especially given that mental health has been one of the most prominent campaigning areas for Prince Harry and the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge? Harry, after all, has spoken on several occasions about his own mental health, and how he has had therapy to cope with feelings about the death of his mother.

And why would an official put the standing of the institution above the mental health of a member of the royal family, given all that Harry — and William and Kate — have said through their Heads Together campaign about the importance of removing the stigma surrounding mental health?

Also, Meghan said she went to human resources to ask for help. Why? Some insiders believe this was odd, given that HR is there to deal with issues concerning staff, not the royal family.

In the interview Harry admitted that he did not tell anyone in his family that Meghan needed help. He said: “I guess I was ashamed of admitting it to them … I didn’t have anyone to turn to.”

Bridesmaids’ dresses

One of the first stories to cast Meghan in a negative light was the claim that before her wedding there was a row over bridesmaids’ dresses in which the Duchess of Cambridge cried. According to Meghan, it was Kate who made her cry.

“She was upset about something, but she owned it, and she apologised. She brought me flowers and a note, apologising.”

Describing Kate as “a good person”, she added: “I’m not sharing that piece about Kate in any way to be disparaging to her. I think it’s really important for people to understand the truth.”

However, insiders tell a different story. One said the row happened when the bridesmaids’ dresses had to be altered a week before the wedding. Meghan told them when to come, but Kate wanted to come at a different time. She was told it would not be possible, and went round at the time that suited Meghan.

“Meghan was incredibly rude. The duchess cried and left.”

After William intervened to try to calm the situation down, the duchess took flowers to Meghan the next day in an attempt to make peace.

The source said: “Meghan slammed the door in her face.”

Charles

Harry told Oprah Winfrey that in the first few months of 2020 his father cut him off financially.

However the Prince of Wales appears to differ in his recollection of what happened. Charles, who previously bankrolled Harry’s office to the tune of something approaching £2.5 million a year, was said by a source to feel “let down” by Harry’s claim.

A source told the London Evening Standard: “The Prince of Wales went out of his way to make sure his son and daughter-in-law were financially supported.”

Prince Archie

The Duchess of Sussex has claimed that members of the royal family did not want Archie to become a prince.

This is a complicated area because Archie was never due to be a prince when he was born. Rules introduced by George V in 1917 mean that great-grandchildren of the monarch, other than the elder son of the eldest son of the Prince of Wales, are not styled HRH and do not get the title of prince or princess.

However when the Queen dies Archie would then be a grandchild of the monarch, and would therefore get his HRH and become a prince.

However, Meghan suggested to Winfrey that there were plans to change this rule. She said: “While I was pregnant they said they wanted to change the convention for Archie.”

No royal sources have confirmed this. One said they were unaware of such conversations.

The Sussex camp believes that it is Prince Charles who intends to introduce this change, rather than the Queen. It is understood that they believe he would introduce it on his accession, as part of his plans for a slimmed-down monarchy.

Charles believes that having fewer working members of the royal family would reduce the burden on the taxpayer and help justify the existence of the institution.

The question of Archie’s title was further complicated by the way the duchess linked the issue with the question of his security.

Several sources have said that his title had nothing to do with security, which was a matter for Scotland Yard and, ultimately, the home secretary.

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/harry-and-meghan-where-buckingham-palace-disagrees-with-the-duke-and-duchess-tllqz9hv8

https://archive.ph/yapl4

[leafenclaw]

I think I saw “MoriJoanLock” going around, but I honestly hate most portmanteau ship names so I’m just going to go with “Sherlock x Jamie x Joan” x)

Thank you for your ask, @almostshadydelusion :D Sorry it took so long to answer. With the finale so close, I had trouble focussing on anything else.

Also for some reason my brain is unable to do short so as with the previous ask, since it got a bit too long to avoid the cut, I’m putting this in a text post and tagging you to make sure you see it. Hopefully you don’t mind the 8k words (D:) of elaborate headcanons and fic plots lol.

who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

I actually really liked your version so I’m not sure I’m ever going to top that. x)

Okay so how about... I’m gonna go with a world in which werewolves are less tied to the cycles of the moon and more like shapeshifters. They can control when they transform, it’s just that when it’s the full moon they have no choice to be in wolf form. No matter whether they’re in wolf or human form though, they always keep their human mind, they don’t become berserk at all, but of course their wolf bite is still extremely dangerous and infects whoever they bite whether it’s the full moon or not. Because of that, werewolves and humans live separately, and anyone who crosses over the territory borders is either killed on sight in human territory or bitten and forced to join a clan in werewolf territory.

So with those rules in place...

Jamie grows up in a werewolf clan in the forest near the borders of human settlement, and she’s endlessly fascinated by the way humans live so she keeps sneaking out of the forest to spy on humans. When she’s around 12, she meets Sherlock, a human boy of 15 who similarly is endlessly fascinated by werewolves. They’re a perfect match, often sneak out to meet each other in secret, and together they form the childish dream to change society so that humans and werewolves stop hating each other. As they grow up, they even start making plans for it because Sherlock comes from an influential human family and Jamie’s talents make her next in line for leadership in her clan. Eventually they fall in love and start a secret relationship, which only makes them more eager to change society because now they have the added motivation of wanting to be together.

But shortly after Sherlock turns 18, Mycroft catches him and Jamie kissing and reports Sherlock’s illegal meetings to Morland, who of course won’t abide one of his sons spending time with werewolves. Sherlock is sent away to hunter school and told he’ll never see his werewolf girlfriend again. He refuses to move on or study werewolf hunting even though he’s not allowed to leave, but then six months later, Morland tell him Jamie was caught by other werewolves trying to sneak into the city and subsequently killed by her own clan. At first Sherlock refuses to believe it, but then Morland sends him a necklace he gave to Jamie years ago, one he knows she would never remove if she had a choice. She must be dead. Sherlock is heartbroken and slips into deep depression.

Enters Joan Watson, who also goes to hunter school, and whose mother was bitten by wandering werewolves and forced away from the city. She refuses to let Sherlock slide into despair, and does her best to hold him together, being the friend he needs when he most needs one. Sherlock ends up telling her a little about Jamie, their relationship and how they were separated, but never reveals she was a werewolf.

Years pass, Sherlock and Joan slowly fall in love, tentatively start a relationship. Sherlock is 21 when he graduates and gets a hunter license, and he’s determined to hunt down the werewolves who killed Jamie – a goal Joan is very supportive of, even if it shows attachment to a dead girlfriend, because she herself wants revenge for her mother. It’s not all that clean-cut though, because Sherlock doesn’t want to kill all werewolves, just the ones responsible for taking Jamie away from him, while Joan is hell-bent on hating every last one of them. So they never really talk about that because it’s kind of a sore point, but that’s okay because they have a lot of other things to talk about anyway (or not talk when their mouths are busy doing other things).

Meanwhile Jamie, of course, isn’t dead at all. But she was caught by her clan trying to sneak into human settlement to find Sherlock, stripped of her collection of human things (including the necklace) and, similarly to Sherlock, was sent away from the border. The werewolves say she needs to be taught anti-humans rhetoric and leadership skills because she’s been hailed as one of the most promising future leaders since she was a child, but she won’t be allowed to become head of the clan unless she has the proper attitude. Jamie knows it’s useless fighting heads on when she’s on her own against a whole clan, so instead she agrees to go through the training and schemes on her own so that when she’s finally leading her own clan, nobody will be able to stop her from doing whatever the hell she wants (which amongst other things includes finding a way to be with Sherlock).

Three years after being separated, Sherlock starts patrolling the borders with Joan, both of them fully fledged hunters now and both very intent on getting revenge for their loved ones. Jamie is still too young to head a clan, but she’s given more and more responsibilities, and one day when word gets out that two very aggressive hunters keep patrolling the borders Jamie is given the task to scare them away.

Once she gets there though she quickly recognises Sherlock of course, so she throws caution to the wind and runs to him – except Joan, who doesn’t know who the hell this girl is, only sees a werewolf running towards them and thinks Jamie is about to attack. So she attacks first, shoots a silver arrow with a crossbow that barely misses Jamie. Jamie naturally falls into fight mode, attacks Joan while Sherlock is going through all the stages of shock and grief because holy shit Jamie is alive.

When Sherlock finally realises he needs to do something, his current girlfriend is about to be killed by his ex-girlfriend. He yells at Jamie to stop minutes before she kills Joan, and Jamie reluctantly does but requests that Joan goes away. Joan of course refuses to leave her boyfriend alone with a werewolf, and Jamie is all sorts of betrayed by the fact Sherlock moved on from her (because from her point of view Sherlock abandoned her first and then went on to cheat on her with a human). So in a reaction of anger she transforms into her werewolf form and almost bites Joan, until Sherlock jumps in between them and Jamie ends up biting Sherlock instead.

Joan threatens Jamie with her crossbow and forces her to run away, then rushes Sherlock to the nearest hospital, but there’s nothing they can do to stop him from being infected. Sherlock has until the next full moon to put his affairs in order and leave the human world behind, because from the moment of his first transformation, he’ll become contagious to other humans and killed on sight if he stays on the wrong side of the border. Joan is in a state of distress because she’s about to lose Sherlock the same way she lost her mother, but when Sherlock finally admits that the only reason becoming a werewolf bothers him is because it means he’ll lose Joan (becoming a werewolf himself and/or leaving human civilisation doesn’t bother him), she finally starts asking questions she should have asked years ago, starting with why is Sherlock so fascinated by werewolves and why doesn’t he believe they’re as dangerous as they’re made to be.

Sherlock answers her questions and tells her, amongst other things, that werewolves aren’t so different from humans, that it’s just like another culture built around exile and the stigma of an infectious condition. And Joan realises that, beyond the lust for vengeance because of what happened to her mother, the real reason she wants to eliminate werewolves is because she wants humans to stop living in fear of the next time one of their loved ones will be taken from them. She wants to make a difference and change the world for the better, and she’s starting to think maybe there are other ways to do that. When Sherlock shares the dream he and Jamie once had, Joan (reluctantly at first, but as time passes more and more enthusiastically) agrees that since Sherlock will be a werewolf from now on, she could work on the human side to try and change minds.

Neither Sherlock nor Joan were ever any good at following the rules, so once comes the time to part ways, they promise to come back see each other once a month, on the night of the new moon (when the werewolves are the least active and most likely to sleep through the night). The moment Sherlock leaves, Joan goes back to the human side, finds Morland, and tells him in no uncertain terms that if he ever cared about Sherlock at all, he’ll help her now change minds about werewolves because it’s 100% his fault Sherlock was bitten in the first place (considering he’s the ones who lied about Jamie being dead, and how that precipitated the next events). Joan is a force to be reckoned with, and Morland respects that. He doesn’t agree with her goal, but he admires Joan’s mettle and agrees to lend her his influence so that she can have enough standing to be heard. The job of changing minds will be her own.

Meanwhile Sherlock crosses over to werewolf territory and meets with Jamie again, who is extremely remorseful. Of course it’s Jamie so she won’t just become Sherlock’s carpet because she regrets biting him, but she tells him she understands if he’s angry with her and would rather she keeps her distances from now on, and she apologises. Sherlock, who was upset to leave Joan behind but never really angry to become a werewolf in the first place, tells her that on the contrary, he would rather have her close because he missed her, but that she owes him a debt for what she did. That makes Jamie a bit defensive at first, but when Sherlock explains that the way to repay that debt is to join him with Joan and work towards the goal they dreamed about when they were kids, Jamie agrees even if she doesn’t exactly like Joan’s inclusion (because she’s territorial about things, including people, that are hers lol but she’s logical enough to know without a human liaison, it won’t do any good even if they do change the werewolves’ mind).

The trio starts meeting every month to discuss their progress. Joan is slowly gaining traction in the human council, especially now that she gets more direct help from Mycroft (who misses his brother and now regrets telling on him), and Jamie is quickly rising up the ranks in her clan. Jamie and Joan at first hate each other and only work together reluctantly, but as time passes, they gain huge respect for each other because they’re both leaders, and from there a friendship develops, then attraction that grows despite how hard they fight against it. Sherlock meanwhile struggles with his feelings for both of them, because he still loves Joan and they never officially broke up, but he was in love with Jamie first and never stopped, and now Joan is away and Jamie is right there in his face all the time. He has a good self-control and their cause is bigger than themselves so he holds back, but he struggles and unbeknown to him, Joan and Jamie both struggle with a similar situation.

Tension between them finally explodes on the day Joan has her first big win with the human council and gets tasked with writing the first peace treaty between humans and werewolves. When she hears the news, Jamie impulsively grabs Joan and kisses the hell out of her. She didn’t expect Joan to answer in kind, but then they stop thinking and they’re soon making out in front of poor Sherlock who’s doing his best impression of a goldfish. After that, of course, they really need to talk about this because now Sherlock is the one feeling hurt and possessive, even though he isn’t sure which one of them he’s possessive of. After a good talk where they finally manage to be honest with themselves and each other, they come to the natural conclusion that all three belong together. And when the peace treaty is signed and both communities are allowed to interact without repercussions, they can finally move in together and make it so. (And Joan, of course, is overjoyed when she’s finally allowed to be reunited with her werewolf mother.)

who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

Joan and Jamie are fishermen wives (as in they’re both sailors and married to each other) who often go on long sailing trips in the middle of the ocean. Joan is extremely rational while Jamie is prone to dramatic flights of fancy, so after a few years of being married, Joan stops reacting whenever Jamie starts yelling stuff about mythical things like krakens and selkies because they always turn out to be stuff like tiny jellyfishes and absolutely normal seals.

Sherlock, on the other hand, is an impish merman who likes to play tricks on sailors. He finds Joan’s and Jamie’s boat one day, and Jamie is the one to spot him, but of course when she starts yelling that there’s a merman in the ocean, Joan just rolls her eyes. So Jamie starts on a quest to prove to Joan that Sherlock exists, while Sherlock is delighted by the challenge because usually sailors just freak out once they see him.

It goes on for a while, Jamie playing coyote to Sherlock’s roadrunner, until Jamie finally manages to trap Sherlock and Joan has a freak out and forces Jamie to release him. Sherlock, intrigued, decides to come back and actually talk to them this time instead of just teasing and running around, because he always expected humans to try and kill him if he was ever caught instead of scratching him under the chin and letting him go.

Of course, that’s made a little hard because Sherlock doesn’t actually speaks or understand human language, and neither Joan nor Jamie understand Mermish. So Jamie takes on the challenge of trying to learn how to speak Mermish, and Joan takes on the challenge of trying to teach Sherlock how to speak English. Unfortunately, while Sherlock ends up understanding a bit of English, he doesn’t have the proper anatomy to speak human languages and while Jamie tries very hard to catch the nuances of Mermish language, she doesn’t have the ability to reproduce it vocally.

For a few days they despair of ever being able to communicate with each other, but then Jamie remembers that Sign Language is a thing (and it’s even a thing that she once learned, years ago), so the next time they go back to land she picks up her books about sign language, dusts off her knowledge of the language, and sets up to teach both Sherlock and Joan how to speak with their hands. As time passes and they manage to communicate at last, Sherlock falls in love with both Jamie and Joan, and they fall in love with him as well. They never really talk about that though, or rather they do admit at some point that they love each other but they refuse to act on it because the difference in species makes it a bit awkward on both sides.

Then Sherlock decides he wants to be human and join Jamie and Joan’s world because he loves them and wants to be able be with them properly, so he goes to see a Sea Witch. The price to pay for being human is heavy, and if you saw The Little Mermaid you already know what it is: Sherlock loses his voice forever and has to get both Joan and Jamie to kiss him before three days pass, otherwise he’ll become the Sea Witch’s slave algae.

Thankfully, Sherlock has the advantage of Sign Language that Ariel didn’t, so once he becomes human and manages to swim to Jamie’s and Joan’s ship, explaining the situation only takes a few minutes. The women of course agree to kiss him to break his curse (Joan perhaps a little more reluctantly, not because she loves him less but because this whole thing is making her head spin and she doesn’t deal well when her rational notions of the world are challenged in this way), and from that moment on they live happily ever after and I can’t believe I wrote that kind of fluff urgh someone please kill me XD

who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Joan is the witch! As a child she’s very gifted and precocious, starts magical training earlier than her peers and wins several magical awards while she completes her schooling.

But that level of talent comes with its challenges, and when she does the familiar calling ceremony, instead of your regular pet or wild animal, she inadvertently attracts Geminis, a very particular species of supernatural familiars that are shapeshifters and always come in twos: Sherlock and Jamie, the trouble-making pair of the Gemini world.

It takes twice as much strength to tame two familiars, and to top the difficulty, those two aren’t exactly the easiest bunch to get along with because they didn’t exactly plan to settle down with a witch so early (they enjoyed the freedom of being able to roam the planes of existence together, where time doesn’t have any meaning, but now they cannot do that anymore since they have to be able to answer to Joan’s callings). But with effort, communication, and a lot of patience, they learn to respect each other’s needs and to work together, and along the way end up forming deep bonds of attachment to each other.

who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

Okay so this one I’ve actually held in my writing folders for almost a year now and will absolutely write it one day if I ever clear up my plate.

Set in season 1. Joan just became Sherlock’s protégée and he’s sending her all over the city on random errands, allegedly so that she can learn more about the city’s travel routes (no matter that she’s a New York City native and already knows most of that stuff). One day as she got to an antique store early and needs to wait a few more minutes before she can pick up Sherlock’s package, she decides to head to the nearest coffee shop and treat herself while she waits.

The coffee shop is utterly pleasant and fancy, lots of wide open spaces, lots of tall windows, an area with tables and another with sofas, and in the corner with the best light, there’s an easel with an unfinished portrait. Something about the character on the canvas seems familiar somehow, but since it’s basically just a vague silhouette with eyes right now, she shrugs the impression off.

While the barista is taking Joan’s order, Jamie walks in the coffee shop (which she owns) and gets the shock of her life seeing Joan there. She could quickly disappear before Joan sees her of course, but she’s curious and no matter what happens, she’s confident she’s still the most dangerous person in the room so why not play? So instead of running away, she comes in and takes over the job of her employee, makes Joan’s coffee, introduces herself as “Jamie” but doesn’t give any last name, and subtly appraises her in a playful manner.

Jamie’s “playful” is unfortunately a little off by society’s standards, so it comes off as overly familiar and slightly flirty. Joan is very flustered but also fairly flattered by this beautiful lady’s interest, and since she has a bit of time left and the coffee is amazing, she stays around to chat a bit longer. When she finally has to leave, she promises herself to return as soon as possible.

Time passes. Joan comes back to see Jamie at the coffee shop regularly, and the more she does the more Jamie is baffled because she cannot for the life of her figure the woman out but she’s starting to look forward to her visits solely to be baffled some more. She keeps working on her portrait in the corner of the coffee shop, but on a whim starts adding another character. (It was initially meant to be a stylised painting of Sherlock, but now it’s becoming a painting of Sherlock and Joan, it’s just not yet detailed enough that Joan can realise what it is.) (And to be fair, Joan is too distracted by the pretty artist-dash-coffee shop owner there to really pay attention to what she’s working on.)

On the other hand, Joan’s and Sherlock’s relationship progresses at the same pace as it does in the show, they learn to trust and rely on each other, form a strong emotional bond, things are going well over there. Until one day Joan gets called to a crime scene while she’s chatting with Jamie, and she decides to bring Sherlock a cup of coffee. Jamie slips up and prepares the coffee to Sherlock’s preferences, which she learned while they were in London, and Sherlock gets the shock of his life when he takes the first sip because very few people aside from himself manage to prepare a coffee that’s perfect for his taste.

Sherlock immediately starts asking questions about the coffee shop, initially out of enthusiasm because wow damn if they make coffee that good he really needs to visit, but soon enough out of desperate, burning curiosity because this “Jamie” Joan is talking about sounds a lot like Irene, and he doesn’t want to get his hopes up but he’s confused and desperate and he doesn’t understand how that could be possible but what if she was still alive?

So Sherlock and Joan run back to the coffee shop, and by this point the story can take two different roads and I’m not sure which one I like best.

Option 1: Jamie realised she slipped up and disappears before Sherlock and Joan come back, leaving behind a smug message along the lines of “of course this was all very deliberate and now, gotcha! hahaha haha ha” (think, like, same energy as the scene in the media room with Sherlock lol). She keeps doing her work as Moriarty but things get murky because she’s attached to Joan as well as Sherlock now, and while she’s desperate to regain control of her own life and reassert her dominance over them, there’s a line she’s unwilling to cross when it comes to people she has developed feelings for (by the sheer fact that she doesn’t have them for many people in the first place). Meanwhile Sherlock and Joan are confused and hurting and everything is a mess.

Option 2: Jamie doesn’t realise she slipped up and when Sherlock and Joan come rushing in, she’s trapped in a predicament because of course Sherlock recognises her straight away, but she cannot fake PTSD and mental confusion this time because Joan has known her stable and well-balanced for months now. So she gets out of it by faking amnesia, tells them she woke up in a hospital a little under two years ago with no memory of her previous life, just strange dreams sometimes and my, what’s your name again, Sherlock is it? You feel familiar somehow, did we know each other? Following this Jamie does her best to explain stuff away (how she “inherited” the coffee shop from a “strange man” who was by her bedside when she woke up, how she figured out she could paint when she saw someone doing a sketch in a park, etc.) and keep the gig up, but everybody’s emotions are roiling in all directions and again, a mess.

It’s probably not a story that ends well, but who knows? We’ll see if I ever get around to writing it. =)

who’s the professor and who’s the TA

Normally I’d go with Jamie as the professor because ACD!Moriarty was one, but in Elementary Sherlock is the one who has a teacher vibe, you know? So it kinda makes me want to explore a universe with Sherlock as the professor who has a stellar reputation because his academic research is groundbreaking, and Joan and Jamie as two ambitious and rival students who apply for the position of teaching assistant.

Both of them are extremely talented in their own way, and Sherlock is a bit of a big softy so he hires both of them because he’s unable to decide which one is more “deserving”. Joan and Jamie fully expected to have to keep fighting against each other while working for him but they quickly realise TA work isn’t exactly what they thought it would be when they discover Sherlock is A Mess in... I was going to say “in his personal life” but really it’s more like in every area of his life that isn’t directly related to work. He barely sleeps and when he does it’s curled up on a chair in his office, forgets to eat when he’s working, never cleans his office, he’s the only one who understands his filing system, etc. Turns out the two girls have to put their rivalry aside just to be able to get this train wreck back on track because Sherlock dropped tea all over the answers for the next test and now it’s unreadable, he has no idea where he mislaid Jamie’s computer last time he borrowed it (it’s probably somewhere on his desk but that’s almost a landfill by this point), and why is Joan yelling at him now? Oh yes, the mould in the jar on the bookshelf, yes that’s supposed to be there, don’t touch it please it’s toxic and could kill them all.

Neither Joan nor Jamie are willing to take that kind of crap for long. But they really need the teaching and the credentials, and also Sherlock is kind of adorable when he gets excited about something so they don’t want to just quit either, and they’re unable to hold a grudge for long ‘cause jeez, he’s cute and damn, he’s an amazing teacher when he’s actually teaching them. So they all learn to make it work, Jamie and Joan never let Sherlock get away with his crap, Sherlock learns to appreciate that and get his life a little more together (at least enough to stop antagonising everybody else), and somehow along the way they all develop feelings for everyone involved. By the time Joan and Jamie are ready to graduate, their three lives are all so tied together that the idea of parting ways with any of them is unbearable. So they don’t, and they stay, and they make it work somehow.

who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

As I said in my previous ask, all iterations of Sherlock are always the princess, so we’re going to start with that. x)

So! Prince(ss) Sherlock grows up with Joan as his best friend. Joan is born from common folks, but her friendship with Sherlock allows her to follow her interest in becoming a knight, and she’s so good at it that Sherlock hires her to be his bodyguard and constant companion. The two of them have a very close bond and everybody expects them to become a romantic couple, but Sherlock is on the asexual spectrum so he only very rarely experiences sexual attraction (and doesn’t for Joan so far), and Joan is aromantic and while she enjoys sex, she isn’t interested in a romantic relationship at all. So while they do get very close and definitely love each other, their bond isn’t so easily defined by conventional terms. They decide after a few years that they should marry anyway, because nobody else will ever understand what they want from life, they don’t want to be parted from each other, and people are starting to talk. They figure they’ll adopt heirs when the time comes and live their life the way they want in the meantime.

However, the day just before the wedding, a dragon swoops in from the sky and kidnaps Sherlock, which leads Joan to laugh a little despite her worry because as it turns out, when he was young, Sherlock spent all his time saying that since he was royalty, it was inevitable that a dragon at some point would try to get him. She’s still not going to let that dragon get away with her fiancé though, so she packs up gears, takes a horse, and starts going after them.

Meanwhile Sherlock expected to be threatened or put in a dark cave and forgotten for days on ends, but instead he’s brought to a tower filled to the brim with more books than he could read in a lifetime. The dragon is a bit grouchy and tells him to get comfortable, very sorry but if you have to blame someone blame your father Morland who refused to pay a debt, and please don’t scream, my ears are sensitive. What? No I have no intention of eating you, what the hell are you talking about? You humans, pff. Even if I ate meat, I bet you wouldn’t taste any good with all the crap your species consume.

Sherlock is a curious prince(ss) and confident that Joan will come and save him at some point, so in the meantime why not follow the dragon’s advice and get some more knowledge into him. After a few hours of reading he starts asking questions.

“I thought dragons ate meat, how come you don’t?” “What do they teach you in human school? Dragons never ate meat. We’re vegetarians. Meat. Pah!” “How long am I expected to stay here?” “Until your father pays his debt. It shouldn’t take too long. He has incentive now.” “... you mean me? You expect him to pay to get me back?” “Of course.” “... I think you were mislead as to what kind of relationship we have.” “Aren’t you family?” “You know, this may be the only moment in history where ‘not all [families]’ is a valid argument?” 

*dragon grumbles and snorts a bit of fire*

“So uh, what’s your name?” “[unintelligible screech]” “Please tell me? Since we’re going to spend a lot of time together, we should at least be properly introduced.” “That was my name.” “... oh. I’m never going to be able to repeat that. Would you mind if I gave you another one then?” *dragon snorts* “How about... James? You look like a James. Wait, are you a male? I can’t really tell from here.” “Dragons do not have human genders.” “Ah! My apologies. Hmm. Jamie then. It’s gender-neutral, and it’s cute. Fits you. :)”

Jamie the dragon goes back to grumbling, Sherlock goes back to reading, then Jamie brings some food to Sherlock (surprisingly good, even though it’s nothing like he ever ate at home), Sherlock asks more questions but this time about the subjects in the books he read, Jamie is a hoarder of knowledge rather than gold so she’s eager to answer and discuss, and as the days pass those two realise they’re actually enjoying each other’s company a whole damn lot.

Meanwhile Joan is on her way to the dragon’s tower. All the towns she passes through tell her that the dragon she’s looking for must be the new one they call Moriarty (because it came one day from over the sea) and that its tower is just a little bit further up the road. “Just a little bit further” turns out to be about three weeks away, and by the time she gets there, she’s starting to wonder if Sherlock is still alive.

Thankfully, the moment she steps inside the tower, she comes right in the middle of a fight between Sherlock and Jamie, who have taken to bickering over their knowledge of human culture (Sherlock never went anywhere but reads a lot of books, and Jamie went everywhere but their dragon perspective makes it so that most of what they see humans doing is incomprehensible to them).

“Uhm... Sherlock?” “Watson! Excellent timing. Can you please tell Jamie here that humans most certainly do not eat sand and dirt?” “I saw them mix it along with water and then heat it in a cooking pot. Are you going to tell me you don’t drink water next, or that food doesn’t come out of a pot?” “Sherlock.” “What you saw was probably people mixing mortar, you big cold blooded reptile!” “Mortar is solid and friable, you tiny hairless monkey! That thing they cooked was a liquid!” “A very thick liquid.” “FINE, A THICK LIQUID! THAT’S STILL NOT MORTAR!” “SHERLOCK!” “What?” “You were kidnapped?” “Was I? Oh yes, I was. Jamie, this is Joan Watson, my best friend and fiancée. Watson, this is Jamie, the most stubborn dragon I have ever met.” “I’m the only dragon you met, you idiot. But it’s nice to meet you, Joan. To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?”

Disasters, the both of them.

After sorting that situation out (and chewing Jamie out a little because who the hell kidnaps a prince(ss) on the day before their wedding?! if anything Jamie owes them big time for the wasted wedding expenses lol), Watson disagrees that Morland won’t repay his debt in exchange for Sherlock, Sherlock is his child, he most certain will pay... at some point... probably not in a hurry though. But she does agree that there are better ways to make him spit whatever he owes Jamie, and they start making plans.

Eventually all three start on a journey to Morland’s castle (Jamie refuses to fly them there, too much pride to let humans climb on their back, so everybody walks) and get to know each other better on the way there. They find out Joan is great at giving directions and crap at following them, that Sherlock is happy to soak up all the attention and mental stimulation but doesn’t do well the moment he thinks he’s being ignored, and that Jamie grumbles and snarks against them non-stop, but becomes extremely protective the moment someone threaten Sherlock and/or Joan (who quickly come to realise Jamie sort of ‘adopted’ them, they’re Jamie’s humans now, nobody else is allowed to touch them).

Once they get there, Sherlock manages to convince Morland to pay up his due to Jamie (said due happens to be a whole roll of silver coil), but then Jamie takes one look at it, then one look at Sherlock and Joan, then starts grumbling that this is useless now. Sherlock and Joan are like what the hell are you talking about? Jamie explains that the silver coil was to decorate a nesting area and attract a mate but there’s no point now, although they refuse to say why. It takes a whole week (the time to go back to Mycroft’s castle where Sherlock and Joan live) and a lot of cajoling before Jamie admits that while they were travelling, Sherlock and Joan accidentally activated Jamie’s dragon mating bond (suddenly the reason why Jamie became so possessive along the way makes much more sense). So now it doesn’t matter whether or not they accept Jamie within their union or that they cannot even mate with each other to begin with, Jamie will be bonded to them anyway until they die (because dragons have longer life spans than humans so it’s a certainty that they’ll die before her), so if they can just go away now (so that Jamie can brood, rethink all of their life choices, and perhaps go harass cattle or burn a forest to amuse themselves) it would be grand, thanks.

Sherlock and Joan are a little taken aback, but when they discuss it together they realise neither of them really minds. They like Jamie, perhaps even more than just like them, even though the dragon’s default resting mode is “grumbling” and their default conversation mode is “bicker”, and Sherlock’s and Joan’s own union was already out of the norm anyway. It’s not like they were planning to have sex with each other in the first place so being a couple or a trio won’t make any difference, and to be honest they’d be really sad if Jamie left (although they’ll have to teach the dragon some manners because kidnapping prince(sse)s and harassing cattle for the fun of it really won’t do if Jamie wants to stay around).

And so Jamie stays, Sherlock and Joan get married, and everyone lives their best life.

(And then one day, an evil wizard who was threatening the kingdom (he goes by “Odin” of all things) lands a curse on Jamie, who barely manages to burn the wizard to a crisp before suddenly shrinking and losing their scales, and in just a few minutes, poof. No more Jamie-the-dragon, now stands in their place Jamie-the-human, who really isn’t happy to be all pink and squishy and wants their dragon body back ASAP, thank you very much. Sherlock and Joan, on the other hand, suddenly grab each other’s hands and go:

“Ho... ly... mother of... God...” “... don’t take the lord’s name in vain, Watson, at least not in front of the whole courtyard.” “JESUS, Sherlock!” “I know. I know.” “I -- I think I may have a thing for girls now?” “Jamie isn’t a girl.” ”I know, but.. sweet potato on a candlestick, that... of hers, and those...” ”... yeah.” ”Yeah.” “My dear Watson, I think what we have... is a thing for dragons.” “... no shit, Sherlock.”

Then they run to Jamie to reassure them that no no no, the squishy pink thing is fine, and of course we’ll look for ways to break the curse but in the meantime you’ll see it’s really not so bad and there are perks.

And that is how after years of being only the three of them, they finally start on the process of conceiving heirs.)

who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to write a romcom scenario with this prompt, so hopefully you’ll find this take entertaining anyway.

Sherlock and Joan meet in college (Joan for some reason earned a scholarship for the best medicine school in England so she went) when Sherlock is a first year sneaking into anatomy classes and Joan is about to complete her studies. They strike a friendship when Sherlock is the only one to agree to help Joan study (which involves prattling off information non-stop without taking a breath) since it means he’ll gain knowledge for himself out of it. Joan goes on to become a doctor, Sherlock drops out of college to become a detective, but they stay in touch even though they don’t live in the same country anymore.

When Joan accidentally kills a patient, Sherlock proposes she comes live with him in London for a while, take a break from everything in NYC and perhaps find a way to reinvent herself. Joan ends up helping on a few cases, they find a nice rhythm together, and become business partners (Joan makes Sherlock stop the drugs entirely before he becomes an addict, and then does her best to keep him mentally stimulated in healthier ways). As time goes on, they develop a relationship that would never be described as romantic by society, but fits the two of them just fine and fulfils their emotional needs of closeness to another.

Meanwhile Jamie is taught criminal mastermind tricks by her mentor but learns the hard way that perhaps this isn’t a career choice she wants to pursue for herself when said mentor is betrayed, caught by the police, sentenced to jail, and then gruesomely executed in prison by one of his rivals even though with his influence nobody should have been able to touch him. Deprived of an outlet for her abilities and ambition, her brain starts to devour itself the way Sherlock’s did in Elementary, and while she doesn’t turn to drugs (it’s a close thing though), she ends up making a string of very bad decisions. One of them leave her pregnant, and that’s the waking call. She decides it’s better she doesn’t keep the baby, but since she doesn’t have the kind of contacts she has in the show, her daughter Kayden ends up being adopted through social services. After that, she does everything she can to get her life together, goes back to university, easily earns all the degrees in mathematics and astronomy with the highest grades in the history of the university she goes to, and starts working on her own research projects while taking a pupil here and there. She becomes very well-known in academia circles, both for her incandescent intelligence and ruthless, almost cut-throat ambition.

A few years pass. Joan is starting to feel dissatisfied, like something is missing in her life. After a lot of soul-searching, she decides perhaps that missing thing is motherhood. But while Sherlock wouldn’t necessarily be adverse to the physical aspect of those things, he refuses to pass down his own genes, so Joan starts looking at adoption agencies and eventually she’s put on a waiting list.

Then suddenly they catch a case in which a couple was murdered, leaving a 7 years old Kayden behind as the sole witness, and as the case progresses Sherlock realises just how frightfully intelligent this girl is and bonds with her more quickly than he ever bonded with anyone. Once they solve the case he mourns the fact that Kayden will probably never be allowed to develop her skills while bouncing from one group home to another, at least not the way she would with a loving family, and Joan (who bonded with the kid as well) asks him on a whim if he thinks they should adopt her rather than a newborn baby. After careful consideration, they agree that it’s the best decision and start putting in the work, and the adoption process is finalised in very little time with the help of Sherlock’s connections and influence.

(I’m aware technically it makes them co-parenting partners rather than a single parent with a child, but let’s be real, we’re talking about an OT3 so having a couple rather than a single person here isn’t exactly getting in the way.)

With the adoption papers for the girl come more information about her life situation. They learn it’s not the first time this kid is adopted, which makes Sherlock unbearably curious (and perhaps a little worried) because this child thinks and reacts so much like himself that he starts wondering if it’s a coincidence: either the kid was his to begin with and one of his previous partners didn’t tell him she was pregnant, or there’s someone else like him somewhere in the world who had this child. So he starts digging into birth records, but the name on Kayden’s is Irene Adler, which is not a name he recognises (aka not one of his previous partners’). Problem is, it’s also not a name anyone recognises when he starts trying to find her, so he keeps hitting dead end after dead end, and is forced to come to the conclusion that if he really wants to find Kayden’s birth parents, he’ll have to bring out his A game.

Meanwhile, Kayden is starting to display an interest and aptitudes in astronomy, so Joan takes on herself to bring her to the planetarium. When that’s not enough, she brings her to the library and buys her books. The books quickly aren’t enough either, and after Kayden raids Sherlock’s personal library and reads everything she can find on space and stars and constellations (and especially after she’s shown to understand the content better than Joan herself), Joan starts tracking obscure and specialised publications. That’s when she brings home “Dynamics of an Asteroid” by Jamie Moriarty. This books stumps Kayden because it’s so advanced, which only makes her more eager to learn. Kayden quickly develops a childhood hero worship for this Professor Moriarty, and when one day Joan hears about Moriarty soon giving a lecture open to the public, she decides that it would make the perfect birthday gift for her new daughter.

So Joan, Sherlock, and Kayden go to Professor Moriarty’s lecture as a family outing, Kayden is ecstatic, but is very disappointed when she isn’t allowed by the organisers to ask her questions by the end of the lecture. Sherlock and Joan, who know that Kayden’s questions would probably be even more pointed and intelligent than any of the questions adults were allowed to ask, decide to try and locate Professor Moriarty so that their kid may have a chance to speak directly to her hero. Jamie though isn’t interested in any kid, no matter how much of a “genius” her parents say she is (she met too many parents pushing their pseudo-prodigies to take those words at face value), so it takes a few weeks plus Sherlock and Joan getting annoyed enough to ambush her at her office before Kayden finally meets Jamie face to face.

And then Kayden works her magic. Her knowledge and interest really is remarkable, not only because she’s a child but more importantly because she displays leaps of intuition and logic that even Jamie’s college-level students don’t. Sherlock is content to soak in the conversation as it becomes more technical, but Joan who cannot follow past a certain point starts seeing the physical similarities between Kayden and Jamie, and naturally comes to wonder whether they might be related. When they come home (after Jamie practically begs them to enrol Kayden in university despite her age), Joan shares her suspicions that Jamie might be Kayden’s mother with Sherlock, which leads Sherlock to want to run right back to Jamie’s office and ask her if she gave a baby for adoption 10 years back. Joan obviously manages to stop him from making an idiot of himself, and instead they come up with a plan to convince Jamie to tutor Kayden directly (first because they care about Kayden’s happiness, and second so that they can perhaps breach the subject and ask discreet questions eventually).

Jamie, when offered, hesitates for a while because she’s never really done well with children, but this one is exceptional so she ends up accepting, especially when Joan and Sherlock say they don’t intend to let Kayden enrol in uni before she’s at least 15. As time passes and they all get closer (all three of them share several eclectic interests outside of the ones that initially brought them together so it’s very easy to talk to each other even outside of things related to Kayden, and that’s something Jamie especially treasures because she hasn’t had many people to really talk with since her mentor died), Joan and Sherlock tentatively bring up the subject of Jamie perhaps being Kayden’s birth mother.

That almost breaks their deal right there. Jamie leaves in a rush and they don’t see her for a month.

But then Kayden shows up to Jamie’s office on her own, wondering why she missed all her lessons, and even though there isn’t a single maternal bone in Jamie’s body, she cannot help being moved by this. This little girl isn’t looking for a mother, she already has one and her name is Joan. What she is looking for is a teacher, and for some reason that privilege now belongs to Jamie.

And so things slowly go back to normal. (Of course, Sherlock performs an illegal DNA test anyway because he’s a nosy little shit, but when the results come back positive, he now knows to keep that to himself.) All three of them engage and challenge each other on so many levels, emotions grow everywhere but everybody repress them best they can, and Kayden acts as the mortar to bind them together. That is, until one evening they have drinks, Joan slips an arm around Jamie’s shoulder as they sit on the couch, and Jamie answers with a kiss that leaves Joan breathless. When the women remember where they are and realise what just happened (and it happened so naturally too), they both apologise profusely and Jamie is about to make a hasty retreat until Sherlock just goes “Or you could stay and, uhm, would you two mind if I joined in?” with a cute hopeful face, and so that becomes a thing.

who’s the writer and who’s the editor

I know usually Joan should be the writer, but she canonically did editing job for her father on the show so I kinda want to make her the editor? Maybe one who writes herself in her spare times.

So in this case I think I’d go with Jamie and Sherlock being rival novelists who are trying to get a contract for their books with Watson Mysteries, Joan’s publishing company. Problem is, they’re both so brilliant in their own right and yet so UTTERLY infuriating that Joan keeps putting off taking a decision, so Jamie and Sherlock decide to make it a competition. And with those two, “competition” is serious business so it quickly falls into the personal sphere, where it becomes a mess of tangled minds that eventually leads to a mess of tangled limbs between the sheets.

(Eventually Joan publishes them both of course, and they all feel a little silly about the amount of shenanigans they got into but since they never would have ended together otherwise, they quickly get over it.)

Hope this is what you were looking for! =)

[Source: Give me a ship and I’ll tell you…]

[sweet-teeth-mfs]

hey!! don’t wanna sound annoying but could u pls tag ur qu**r post as “queer slur” pls. i don’t wanna take away ur right to say it. just personally don’t like the word. love ur stuff btw

Hi. 

I’ve added that tag for you. I apologise if you don’t like the word (I fucking LOVE IT) but I should warn you, I will not be tagging it with ‘slur’ every time I use it. Thank you for saying you like my work, but you might have to stop reading me, because I won’t stop using that word to describe myself. 

I can understand that many people, esp. older people, have a problem with it - its hard to shift stigma, and for some people its a word that is only seen negatively - but I hope you can try to understand that a lot of people, including myself, take courage and strength from identifying with it. 

I would never call someone that if they didn’t want to be identified that way, but I also would not expect/allow anyone to prevent me (or anyone else) from identifying with the word, or using it. I work academically in Queer Studies. I use it daily to identify myself, my work and my beliefs. 

Please try and understand that it gives many of us meaning and belonging, it describes us, our inner selves and our beliefs. It is part of our history, our community, and our sexuality. 

So, in the spirit of everyone being understanding, I’d appreciate if you take a moment and really think about how you’re asking another person, a stranger, a sexual minority, to change their wording about themselves (on their own personal website) to suit your preferences. I posted that psa because I was enraged by someone trying to prevent another (a friend) from identifying with their own queerness. Its not my usual thing to do, I usually just write (pretty hetero) smut, but it all comes from me, and I’m queer. 

That’s not going to change. 

I’m really, truly, sorry to have upset you - and anyone else who has a problem with it, but… this is my space, for my work, and my beliefs. This is my personal little space where my heart is bare and open and where I can be my truest self (or at least as close as I can be on the internet), and I’m not going to stop doing that. 

Thank you for being polite. 

As I’ve said, I’ve tagged that post, and after I’ve posted this, and I know you’ve gotten it, I’ll tag this one too. But after that, I’m sorry, I’ve got to live my life. ✌🏻

[alph4betti-spaghetti]

Good point well made..

I went on some personal safety training last week for work. It was run by a retired ex police officer. To be completely honest I was astounded by the ignorance to how he was spreading stigma against people with ill mental health. It was a one day course and throughout the day (this is no exaggeration) there were 4 maybe 5 ‘real life examples’ of a dangerous situation that had tragic consequences. ALL of which involved the victims being stabbed 20+ times by someone with known MH issues in the community. I sat back counting, trying to disguise my rolling eyes. He was painting a picture of people with MH being scary, dangerous people who are likely to stab you multiple times in a vicious and violent attack.

I, of course, could not keep quiet. I bided my time and towards the end of the day my group of colleagues was asked by the ex police officer(!) if we had any issues about the course, so I spoke up and pointed out that not all people who have MH are likely to hurt you, in fact that is a rarity, and to use 4/5 examples of this being the case in his presentation was deceiving adding to the negative stigma and fear of people who are mentally unwell.

He squirmed, and said in his defence that it just so happened that it was a fact that in these cases the killers/attackers had MH issues. But he did apologise, and I think I opened his eyes. On the feedback form (which was not anonymous might I add) I wrote a mini essay about my opinion in the hope that he will have to rethink the examples he chooses for future training.

Afterwards I had many colleagues come up and commend me on what I said and the points I made.

[thewisestqueen]

Why I, as a Christian, have a problem with Israel Folau's hate post

I apologise in advance for the length of this post. I'm sure by now most of you would have seen/heard of the Australian Rugby player's post condemning (among others) gay people, drunks, and atheists to hell. I didn't really know too much about the situation, until it was mentioned in church today. Once I had seen the post in it's entirety, it became clear that it wasn't something I could get behind. Why is that?

1. Entirely inappropriate apologetics

I'm starting with this point because it is the shortest. For those of you who don't know, apologetics is the way Christians defend/explain their faith. Posting 'you will go to hell' does not make anyone want to listen to you. It does not make people want to become Christian. Human beings are not designed to take criticism well. Telling people they are going to hell doesn't make them say "hey, maybe we should listen to this guy" it makes them say "you're wrong, and here's why". If Israel is trying to convince people to become Christian, he is definitely going about it the wrong way. I firmly believe that the practice of getting up on one's soapbox and condemning people is the main reason atheism is growing so rapidly.

2. The very real and catastrophic consequences.

Israel is a very well-known public figure in Australia, particularly young men and anyone with an interest in rugby. What he says carries weight. For LGBTI teenagers and young men to hear that someone they look up to, that they admire, saying that they are going to hell because of who they are, does a lot of damage. Not only that, but their peers who already bully them because of their sexuality now have more ammunition. People who are already struggling with their sexuality, particularly those with pre-existing mental health problems are especially vulnerable to posts and comments like these.

No one should be excluded from the family of Jesus because of something they cannot change. Actually, I'm pretty sure that Jesus is pretty actively against that (ya know, like how he treated the Samaritan woman)

3. I don't agree with his inclusion of "drunks" either, or really the list full stop.

95% of the time "drunks" are normal people who are struggling with alcohol dependence/addiction. To condemn people with an addiction, rather than help them, is the exact opposite of what a Christian should do. In Australia, drinking is very much part of our 'laidback, beach, BBQ' culture. This makes it very easy for someone to become dependent/addicted to alcohol without warning. And this is the case most of the time. Not to mention that the most influential factors when it comes to substance abuse is socio-economic factors, family genes/history, and ethnic background. None of that is within a person's control. As far as I'm concerned, alcohol addiction is merely a symptom of an illness we as a society are not prepared to treat. It is certainly not a reason to condemn someone to hell.

Condemning atheists to hell isn't going to do a whole lot when they don't believe in hell either. So, again, ineffective apologetics.

As for the rest of the list, well....

Most of them are based on single mistakes. No one should have to spend the rest of their life regretting a single action.

As for the idolators (I.e. people who worship false gods) as a Christian I understand the reasoning, but see point 1.

Also, telling people they are all going to hell doesn't leave much room for forgiveness, which is kinda the whole point of Jesus (but more on that next)

4. Christianity isn't about hate, it's about love and forgiveness.

I had a friend in high school who came out as a lesbian when we were about 16. She was a devout Christian, and her top goal in life was a family and kids. When the people at her church found out, she noticed that she was no longer getting invited to church events, people she had known for years would avoid her. On one occasion when I went to church with her, she was talking to one of the elders. She started her sentence with "I had lunch with a friend the other day, and she-" before being promptly cut off, and told that she should talk about 'that sort of thing' at church. Since I was the friend she was talking about (and we certainly weren't dating) to say I was shocked was an understatement. She essentially had three choixes:

A) stay in the church, pretend to be straight, get married, have the kids she wanted, but be trapped in a loveless marriage (unless she wanted the added stigma of divorce)

B) stay in the church, stay single, and no kids.

C) have the wife and kids she so desperately wanted, but be basically disowned by the church and her family.

I had lunch with her a while ago. She hadn't gone to church in nearly 3 years.

As I said back in point 1, telling people they are going to hell doesn't do anything. It's easy to espouse hate, the real challenge is acting out in love.

When Jesus was on the cross looking down on the people tormenting him, he didn't tell them they were all going to hell. He asked his father to forgive them. He died for us while we still hated him. That is true love. That is what following him is all about. This is the guy who hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors (aka society's scumbags) and called them friends.

If all we express is hate, we should expect to be hated back. After all, we started it. But by loving people, we are showing them that we value them simply because they are people, not because they can tick some boxes on a checklist.

Conclusion: What do we consider 'radical Christianity'

These days, many Christians pride themselves on the arguments they have on social media posts like this one. "We have faced persecution!" they say. "We will do anything to promote our faith!" they say. Others look that them and see 'faith warriors'.

This is not truly radical Christianity.

Look at Jesus and the early church. The people who gave all they and to the poor. The people who took in strangers and gave them food and a bed. The people who gave their all to care for each other.

That is what we should aspire to.

Any Christian can make a post about how much they love God. But when was the last time any one of us saw a person sleeping on the bench outside out house, invited them in, fed them, and gave them a bed? That is true radical Christianity. Loving people so much, and giving them all we have.

For God so loved the world.

And so should we.

[freenewstoday]

New Post has been published on https://freenews.today/2021/01/13/mother-and-baby-homes-scandal-irish-pm-apologises-to-victims-saying-the-state-failed-you/

Mother and baby homes scandal: Irish PM apologises to victims - saying 'the state failed you'

The Irish prime minister has issued an apology following a report into the deaths of 9,000 children in institutions for unmarried mothers and their babies.

A five-year investigation by a judicial commission of investigation detailed how the children died at 18 institutions between 1922 and 1998.

Speaking today in the Dail, the lower house of the Irish parliament, Taoiseach Micheal Martin said that as a society “we embraced a perverse religious morality and control, judgementalism and moral certainty, but shunned our daughters.”

Image: The entrance to what is believed to be the site of a mass grave in Tuam

Mr Martin added: “On behalf of the government, the state and its citizens, I apologise for the profound generational wrong visited upon Irish mothers and their children who ended up in a mother and baby home or a county home.

“As the commission says plainly – ‘they should not have been there’.

“I apologise for the shame and stigma which they were subjected to and which, for some, remains a burden to this day.

“In apologising, I want to emphasise that each of you were in an institution because of the wrongs of others. Each of you is blameless, each of you did nothing wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of. Each of you deserved so much better.

More from Republic Of Ireland

“The lack of respect for your fundamental dignity and rights as mothers and children who spent time in these institutions is humbly acknowledged and deeply regretted.

“The Irish state, as the main funding authority for the majority of these institutions, had the ultimate ability to exert control over these institutions, in addition to its duty of care to protect citizens with a robust regulatory and inspection regime.

Image: The infants graveyard at Sean Ross Abbey in Roscrea, Tipperary

“This authority was not exerted and the state’s duty of care was not upheld. The state failed you, the mothers and children in these homes.”

Several of the religious orders which ran the homes have already apologised since the report’s publication, while there was a contrite apology from the head of the Catholic Church in Ireland, Archbishop Eamon Martin.

Accepting that the Church was part of an oppressive culture, he said “for that, and for the long-lasting hurt and emotional distress that has resulted, I unreservedly apologise to the survivors and to all those who are personally impacted by the realities it [the report] uncovers.”

Mother and baby homes were institutions where young pregnant women were sent, often under pressure from local clergy. There, they would give birth and eventually be separated from their children, who were offered up for adoption, sometimes in the US.

Irish society in the mid-20th century was deeply intertwined with the teachings of the Catholic Church, and pregnancies out of wedlock were seen as scandalous.

Image: A shrine in Tuam, in memory of hundreds of children allegedly buried at the site

There were about 56,000 unmarried mothers and about 57,000 children in the mother and baby homes investigated by the commission.

Mr Martin had said the report describes “a dark, difficult and shameful chapter of very recent Irish history”, and spoke of the deep-rooted misogyny and “oppressive culture” that pressured women to enter the homes.

The Irish government will also provide financial recognition to the specific groups identified in the report, and push ahead with laws to support excavation, exhumation and, where possible, identification of remains at burial sites.

Source

[aurumaiz-blog]

David Attenborough's "a day in a life of a broken hearted moron"

(Warning - I have decided not to go through this and edit is as it is honestly straight from a am deep thinking session and everything written is straight from the heart - so excuse poor grammar and please don’t hate me)

They say that during a break up, it gets easier over time. That as every day slowly rolls past,  every sleepless night that you endure, it gets a little better. This is a stigma designed to just try and make you feel better. I’m sure that in some cases this may be true to a certain extent, but with every day comes more time, and with more time comes thought.

When it happened to me, it was expected. University is a difficult position when it comes to a long-term relationship; the fact that new memories with new people are being made; new places without the original person. Every young couple has the “we can try it through university” talk and it's the same story every time:

“oh did you hear about that couple that broke up?”

“Yeah but we’ll be fine”.

…

At the time this may be true, life is good! Every day you’re seeing your significant other while making the best moments and having the best time. Yeah there will be issues and arguments but the dreaded phrase “if its meant to be it’ll work out” is unfortunately true (to a certain degree). I was certainly in this situation where I was the happiest I could possibly be. Obviously issues arise and shit storms come and go; hell, my friends take the piss out of all the things i go through! Yet I have always lived by the “one foot in front of the other method” and so far in life it has got me this far. In the words that I used to describe my experiences to other, there really are bigger things happening in the world! It doesn’t make it any easier. When you think you and your partner are happy but it turns out one of you isn’t, it's the worst feeling in the world. The idea that you aren’t capable of keeping the girl that is your best friend and most important thing in your life happy is killer. Having that text conversation where you know exactly how it is going to end is devastating. Emotions are raw in your mind and mistakes are made. Of course being the idiot I am, I talk too much. I first felt surprise and then anger, almost as if I had been cheated. “But you aren’t even making much of an effort? Blah blah blah blah stupid pointless argument blah blah blah” - followed by instant regret.

At the end of the day, the outcome won’t change. As a quote I hold to my heart to this day: “If it's in my mind now, what about the future? That’s unfair on you” and it’s true to a certain extent. I could go on about the details of my break up but in the end I deserved it. Maybe one day i’ll learn to control my words. Hah not likely!

There’s that limbo stage where neither of you want to talk but you’re still technically not broken up. Let me say now that those few days were quite honestly the worst of my life. You constantly want to try and save it; to try your hardest to prevent the eventual outcome but alas, there is nothing to be done. Every heartbeat there is a new thought and with every thought there is a new possibility, a new outcome. At the end of the day I am honestly extremely proud of her for having the strength to drive to me and talk to me in person about it; as far as a break up goes i’m glad that my first real one was done properly. Cliché time! It was a freezing cold night at around 11pm when we sat in her car and just cried together. 3 years is a long time to get to know someone and be with them. But to grow up with them, to experience once in a lifetime memories with them and to be there for them in horrible situations (and vice versa of course). THAT is when its different in my opinion. I’m not saying my situation was the worst in the world because of course somewhere someone has had it worse. As far as my relationship goes, it was the best 3 years of my life and to this day I would not trade it for the world. That’s what made it so hard. 3 years coming down to this day. We sat there and while I practically begged for a way to try and sort it out, I could hear it in her voice that her mind was set the minute she first thought it. That's the worst part. Knowing that the other half has already made their decision. It’s heart wrenching. In the end i settled on an “ok” as i concluded I needed to try and let it go. She has never been brilliant at making big decisions in her lifetime so the fact that she made this one was truly a big important moment in her life. She demonstrated her strength and I greatly respect that. With a final “ok” and a final deep breath, I got out the car and walked home.

Being alone in an empty house in the middle of nowhere without anything or anyone to talk to is lonely enough. But to have this situation added on top of it was awful. I can’t count how many hours I sat in the bath (or lied down on the tiled floor), how many hours I looked at old photos and how many hours I sat contemplating talking to her. Every minute of every hour of every day you are wondering “is she thinking about me?” “does she feel the same way?” and every minute you are praying for that phone call or knock on the door to say “yeah this was a mistake, please, let us fix it”. Realism was never my strong suit, always been a benevolent dreamer. I must admit, moments of weakness overpowered my mind and I did send messages. “Are you sure this is what you want?”. Things like that. Every response was the same message in different words, essentially summed up as “yes, this is what I want”. May sound dramatic but literally I had 2 days of not eating. It wasn’t a good week i suppose. Every day you think of the memories you made and the memories that you want to make. I’m not ashamed to say that despite what happened, I was and still am so deeply in love with this girl that it breaks my heart every day not waking up next to her. She was my best friend, and I lost the battle for her.

A common saying during a big break up is that “always talk to friends” and to that I say this is true. But you need to pick the right friends to talk to. For that I’d like to say a huge thank you to Nev, Abby, Olivia and Philip. All 4 of them always checked up on me every so often and the simple 5-15 worded sentences always made me smile. It’s nice to be cared about. I'm sure that from reading this I come across as suicidal. I’d be lying if I said the thought didn’t cross my mind but suicide is never an option and of course thoughts were immediately erased whenever they cropped up. Not being able to properly talk to someone sucks and they say that you should always talk to someone, but it really isn’t that easy. To let your guard down and just vent to someone is a big thing and people should realise that. Maybe its my personality of not wanting to be a hassle but the idea of the person you venting too feeling obliged to check up on you because they are worried is the worst feeling in the world, and with that I apologise to those who i dumped this on. With that said, knowing that you can just phone a person and be with them the next minute is reassurance that I’m not sure what I would’ve done without.

Acting strong and non-caring is easy, it is something I have always been good at doing and it is something that she knew I was capable of doing. Sure, moments of weakness express once every while but generally speaking I pull it off easily. People commonly think or say “yeah but I can see your not” as its cliché, they probably have no idea, let's be honest. But these are the people who need to be kept closer to you. They’re the ones who make you think about the situation you are in and they are the ones who you should always vent to (Thanks Philip and Abby xo) Sometimes it’s healthy to just sit down and have a good ol cry because crying proves how important it is. Anyway, waffling...

Going to the party on new year's a week after being single was probably the hardest experience of my life, but i am glad i went. To begin with all was good, the walk was long but it was the first time I had actually properly used my legs since the event so it felt healthy to get out. But you know, for the past 3 new years its been the same; It's been spent with the best person in the world, so to suddenly have that change is dramatic. I’d like to say I’m pretty proud of how i was doing at the party, I spoke to people and generally had a good time. Then i saw her photo and it went downhill from here. She looked so beautiful with a light blue ribbon in her hair, her glossy red lipstick and her gorgeous black dress. This was the girl I had lost. I can’t remember how many times I had to step outside to just have a little cry and think about what I had lost but I managed to do it without ruining anyone elses night so go me. She looked so happy in her photos, but of course the point was raised that I looked happy in mine. Still, the doubt gnaws away at your mind like a poison working its way through your body. New years was fine; i honestly appreciate everyone for making it a decent night and having a good time. But (and i'm sure she would agree), 4 words that I constantly dread to hear; “Are you doing okay?”. Everytime someone said this my mind wanders and I regret to say I did have a little break down in front of some people in the bathroom but it's okay, someone peed in the bath so i wasn’t the worst mess in the room!). I don’t know what I thought would happen but I was driven by the idea that she would come see me or try to talk to me that night. Nothing happened and I was heartbroken all over again.

As previously stated, it’s honestly not true when people say it gets easier over time. In my experience, it got worse. Every day that passed was  another day where I lost more influence on the girl I thought I would die an old age with. In a moment of 3 am stupidness, I sent a speech about how I still love her etc etc and i’m an awful person for doing that. Im making it out that only I am affected by this; that's extremely not the case and of course she has had all the challenges to face as well. My only hope is that she is stronger than me (which is probably true as evident by the fact i was always the one who caved and messaged her). Sending this speech I imagine was the deal breaker. I went on to talk about the memories we had and how i pray to god that one day I will be able to use it in my wedding speech to demonstrate to any young couples out there that the bad moments are worth fighting through. The realistic result is probably just unnecessary pain to her. This was selfish on my part and for that I am truly sorry. More and more sleepless nights followed and it was here when I finally found my courage and told myself to just let her go. At the end of the day, I will always cherish her and adore her for the rest of my life. I will always deeply regret how it ended and forever wish the outcome was different. But this is one sided and so as a final act of love, I tried to let her go.

It is currently 2 and a half weeks after the whole ordeal and I am still praying for that phone call of “i am on the train to bournemouth, i’ll be there in 15 minutes” but this is unhealthy. I have spoken to her best friend and I thank her for her opinion on the right move as it was horrible for me to put her in that situation. I spoke to 3 of her closest friends and asked them to look after her because she does not deserve to ever be hurt and deserves the best life ahead of her. I pray that whoever she gives her heart to is deserving of it and is able to make her happy as i failed to do so. I told her to phone me if she ever needs help out of a situation because the truth is I will always be there for her, to get her out of an awkward or unsafe situation because I will always love her with all my heart. There is no doubt that she will be more successful than she thinks she will be and with that I will always be so proud of her.  I will always be questioning what I did wrong and what I should’ve done but thats life and as my motto goes, I will continue to put one foot in front of the other until the next hurdle is needed to be overcome.

I will not re-read this or edit the mistakes because this was a 2am vent from my heart and so I apologise on how dramatic it may seem, but whatever has been written is truly written with intent. No one will probably ever even read this other than myself so i guess see you in a couple of years when this comes back to bite you hard in the ass. If someone is reading this, give me my email back or get off my computer.

                                                                                                                                           (Time stamp - 14/01/2018 01:58)

Thought i’d just jot down a bit more just to document everything cause who knows, maybe being able to share an experience with someone else would help them. General progress in life has been good i suppose despite everything happening. Results are going well so far and the alcohol is vastly being consumed so thats a 1up for sure. Sure, for once im starting to feel better but it doesn’t change how shitty the whole situation is; every so often you get the awkward question of “how is your girlfriend” and you have to make that person feel like a dick when you reply with the situation but their fault for asking.

In terms of the last few weeks/month (i don’t actually remember when I wrote the previous section) we’ve been talking and its more or less certain that whenever we talk she instantly wants me to “fuck off” so to speak. At least that is how it feels. We’ve settled on the whole kinda “being friend” thing but realistically it wont work, i think she knows that as well as i do but I don’t know what her game plan is so i guess just settle for wading through! Sleep is still shitty but that would probably be due to the stress and alcohol; at least it's good for my body in a sense as apparently the only way I can get to sleep is through running at 2 am - nothing more exhilarating than having to pick up your pace due to a drunk person following you and with Dawnism for dummies, if i get caught then i clearly wasn’t fast enough! My friends are once again pretty much the only reason i haven’t clawed my head to pieces with stress although it just makes me miss them more. Oh yeah, i stopped a couple from breaking up so at least i’ve done something useful! Nothing worse than seeing people fight over petty things but of course I can’t be hypocritical because I was always like that. On the lines of hypocrisy, I really shouldn’t look at her snap chat. I can’t really speak about it in the sense that I have done it but seeing her snap chat story with other guys makes me just want to curl up and start the whole grief stage again but what can I do. Like I said, I've done it but I’ve always done it in groups, not a 1-1 basis but anyway, this is me being petty and stupid. God I’m actually whining about snap chat, this really is 2018 isn’t it... Honestly though, it changes you as a person in a way. I’ve lost a lot of perks such as my confidence (which I used to have a fair bit off in a non-i’m-a-cocky-idiot sense) yet gained some perks like being open to trying new things and wanting to meet new people. Clubbing used to be the bane of my existence and yet here I am going out 4 nights in a row just to be with friends. It’s an odd experience to say the least.

Anyways, just wanted to quickly update myself because I think documenting this experience is important. Being able to tell someone and show that you know how they are feeling is important in helping them “dig down” and overcome what is honestly one of the worst experiences to experience.

Ciao and thanks to anyone who took the time to read this :)

(Time stamp - 3/2/18 - 00:44)

[momorabu]

13.08.2017

Ensemble Stars! Event Story - Reminiscence＊Monochrome Checkmate / Checkmate (Part 1)

A new blog, a new beginning! It’s been quite awhile since my last translation, and partly it was because this event story was soooo long... I probably spent two weeks on and off just to finish reading this , but it’s really worth it as it revealed alot of the back story of how “Knights” was created, how Leo had fallen, and the evil plans of Eichi... =w=“ 

I actually felt quite depressed after reading it, since it’s very true to the evil side of how things work in real life, poor Leo TWT I shall not reveal too much and would just let you guys read the story below! +W+

Anyway as always, the summary of the story can be found below. Translation may not be 100% accurate due to my poor Japanese skills~

Prologue

The story starts off with Eichi and Izumi having a chess match between themselves. Eichi was already smiling as he’s confident that he was gong to win it while Izumi rebutted him, saying that this was just the first round, and wonder why Eichi had asked him to play chess together if he had really wanted to talk instead. Eichi apologised that he had made Izumi pissed off but still smiled and told him that Izumi himself had already made a wrong step initially, and claimed that it would be near to impossible for him to make a comeback after that.

Izumi however didn’t backed down, saying that he doesn’t feel like he would lose at all, and wanted to continued the match. Eichi agreed, though once again he just deemed it as Izumi wasting his time and efforts afterall. He boasted that he’s really good in chess, since he had always played it regularly in his room when he was forced to stay indoors due to his weak body back then. He was even good at mathematics, music, and even the ballet that Izumi was good at too. In fact, Eichi claimed that he had never lose to any adult ever since from the age he had turned 10. (Wah.. Eichi’s attitude... it’s very annoying ><”)

However, due to a bad memory, for a period of time Eichi didn’t want to touch chess at all. He continued that he had never seems to be able to win a match against Leo though, which Izumi found it impossible since he himself had already beat Leo multiple times, saying that Leo was good at nothing else other than music. (How come that definitely doesn’t sounds like he’s praising Leo... ^^;) He thought that Eichi must have lose on purpose to please Leo back then, but Eichi shook his head and said that he would never do that on purpose since he had everything: the talent, the environment (his family background I reckon), the people and the information. (Eichi boasting about himself again... =w=“) He also said that chess was a game for gentleman and to cheat or to lose on purpose was something deemed not “gentleman” at all. In fact, Eichi didn’t want to “kill” Izumi at all, and would actually rather him to give up on his own, but... to him it seems like Izumi won’t take it down and would rather struggle.

Izumi kept quiet the entire time, that made Eichi felt abit lonely and he wondered perhaps Izumi was just concentrating to think of a way to win this chess match. Finally Eichi came to the main point why he had gotten Izumi to play chess with him, he had a deal that he wanted to negotiate with him. Izumi showed a glum face upon hearing that, and asked Eichi that whether he had planned to make use of them (knights) as pawns again and killed “him” again. However, Eichi continued smiling as he clarified that he would only “kill” people if there’s a “need” too and said that this is something that Izumi had knew all along about him, aditng on that he had already lose the human side of imself ever since he had became the “emperor”.(That’s scary Eichi TWT)

Eichi went onto nostalgic mode as he remembered the days where he played a match against Leo, and commented that he had always confidently played the “knight” pawn everytime. Izumi dissed that he wasn’t sure that Leo could even play chess actually and asked that whether he had even knew about the rules XD (That’s... kind of mean Izumi ^^;) Eichi admitted that Leo actually added new rules into the game when he played, like making the “knight” pawn being able to release destroyer beam XD That made Eichi faced a hard time playing a game against him, and was why they could never finish a match which explains why Eichi never won a match against him.

Eichi asked Izumi that he really can’t understand. He knew that everyone had said that it’s his fault, which he won’t deny that it’s partly his fault, but Eichi himself had really like Leo, and had enjoyed playing with him. The thing that Eichi doesn’t understand was ... why did Leo had “broke” and asked who exactly had “killed” him?

(Yes this story is going to mainly revolved around Leo and how he broke TWT)

The Killing Song / 人殺しの歌 : Chapter 1

The timeline took us back to a year ago, where Eichi was admitted in the hospital as he still had a really weak body back then. Tsumugi had went to the hospital to visit him, but felt hurt when Eichi mentioned that he doesn’t know who he is. (Ouch...) He told Eichi not to forget about him and introduced himself as his classmate - Aoba Tsumugi. Eichi started talking about things at a fast pace that got Tsumugi confused, as he requested time to catch up. Eichi sighed and remarked that he had been told so by multiple others in the past, and asked Tsumugi that he doesn’t have to try to reply him if he had found it too difficult, since all these comments like “I see”, “that’s interesting” were just words that exist to make the other party feel better afterall. 

Tsumugi found what Eichi had said seems kind of lonely, since he would feel that people would wish that the other party would try to understand what they’re saying when they communicate with one another. However, Eichi was sure that Tsumugi won’t be able to understand him, but clarified that it wasn’t because that he looked down on Tsumugi’s level of being able to understand him, but because it was all an illusion that people thought that they could understand each other. (That sounds so depressing, Eichi... TWT)

But the good thing, Eichi became quite fond of Tsumugi after that, since it’s rare that there’s actually someone who expressed an interest to want to know more about him. Tsumugi was glad to have a great relationship with Eichi, seeing that they’re classmates starting this spring. Eichi smiled as he hoped that he would be able to have a normal teenager’s life this spring, and was in fact looking forward to it since there’s alot of stuff that he had wanted to do.

Eichi had initially called Tsumugi by his surname “Aoba”, which Tsumugi insisted that he wished that Eichi would call him by his name instead, stating that he doesn’t like it when others called him by his surname. Eichi gussed that Tsumugi might have disliked his bloodline, and thus doesn’t to be reminded of the fact that he had the same surname as his parents. However, Tsumugi smiled and told him that he doesn’t have such a stigma against his parents, and was in fact grateful to them that he won’t be able to repay them in his entire life. The main reason why Tsumugi doesn’t like being called by his surname is very simple, because being called “Aoba-san” can sound like “Obasan” (which means older woman / aunt) and poor Tsumugi was teased because of this in his childhood TWT

One of the reason why Tsumugi was here was because he was the class president, and asked Eichi to approach him anytime if he had any questions, though partly it was because he was being entrusted to take care of Eichi by the teacher. He handed Eichi the printout from the teacher, and also included some very “interesting” notes that he had made in class, stating that he had taken down EVERYTHING the teacher had said, since he wasn’t sure which information would be required by Eichi.

Actually other than what the teacher had said, Tsumugi had even added gossips talked among the students in class that Eichi found it really interesting that it could be an important information source for him instead. (Didn’t know Eichi could be someone who’s interested in such gossip?! OWO”)

Because Eichi had been in the hospital frequently since he was young, he had found visitors really annoying actually and had even asked that his servants / helpers to deny anyone to access his ward. But that was only possible in his own private ward, and now that Eichi had moved to a shared ward, he won’t be able to stop all the visitors (since some of them had came to visit some other patients, you can’t stop people from wanting to visit them... =w=“) Tsumugi took it as a compliment that due to his low sense of presence, he had managed to sneak through to visit Eichi, but Eichi remarked that having a low sense of presence is not a good thing since they’re aiming to be idols after all...

Just then, Eichi started coughing and that made Tsumugi worried as he thought he must have overstayed his welcome here. He didn’t want Eichi to spend more of his energy and decided to take his leave. Eichi thanked him and called Tsumugi a “blue bird”, which is actually a word pun on his surname “Aoba”, and told him that he wished that they would be able to get along and hoped that Tsumugi would be his friend. (If you had really wanted Tsumugi to be your friend, why would you push him away in “Element”, Eichi...? Orz)

The Killing Song / 人殺しの歌 : Chapter 2 - 3

Outside the hospital, Izumi was seen scolding Leo. He scolded him multiple times that he’s an idiot, and asked him why he had gotten himself into such a commotion, informing him that he might ended up being suspended, or worst expelled. He advised Leo that before he punched anybody, he should take a deep breathe since what’s important for an idol is his popularity and trust. If the news of one had punched anybody was released, his life as an idol would have ended . (It’s... really... that seriousl? OAO”)

(I just found it so hilarious that Izumi actually asked “Are you an idiot?” for 3 times in a straight row XDD)

Thank goodness that Keito had helped to keep the matter under the cover this time, but Izumi warned Leo to promise him that this won’t happen again. Leo however found Izumi really naggy and complained that he sounded like he was his mum or something XD That pissed Izumi off as he tugged hard as Leo’s cheeks, and Leo cried out that Izumi was just taking this chance to bully him XD

Izumi remarked that he would really like to see Leo’s parents so that he could lecture them on how they’re taking care of their kids, but this seems like an insult to Leo, as he demanded Izumi to stop insulting his family and he’ll be dead if he kept doing that. However, Izumi wasn’t threatened by his words at all, and asked Leo to watch his own actions and behave well for his family’s sake if he doesn’t want people to talk about him or his family behind his back.

This only angered Leo even more as he lashed out a series of verbal attack on Izumi, calling him “an idiot”, “smart but still an idiot? XD” “stupid” (X2) and also... “shit” XD Izumi just gave him a side eye and remarked that Leo just seems like an elementary school kid, and wondered how he could write really beautiful songs and lyrics like a professional when the words he used everyday has no sense at all ^^;

Leo was proud as he declared himself as a genuis since he could create melodies, however he also admitted that he’s not good at writing lyrics actually, and thus would asked for help from “Luka”. Izumi doesn’t know who “Luka” is even though he had heard Leo mentioned about her a few times, to which Leo answered that that was his sister, who Izumi had already met for a few times prior to this. Izumi then remembered who she is, but he could only remember her hiding behind the door and looking at him through the gap, and had run away when Izumi tried to talk to her, and added that he doesn’t even really know what she looks like actually. Leo just smiled and said that his sister was just shy, and offered to show Izumi a photo of her since he had a folder full of her photos in his phone.

Just when Leo was happily reaching out for his phone, he realised that... he doesn’t even have his phone with him! Izumi can’t believed that Leo had lost his phone since that would mean a loss and might reveal his personal information to others. But since Izumi had already set a password onto the phone, it would be alright even if it was picked up by a bad person (since the person won’t be able to unlock the phone without the correct password). He even offered to call the telecom to cancel Leo’s phone, and that made Leo really gald that he could feel at ease that Izumi would help him to handle everything.

In fact, without Izumi, Leo thought that he won’t be able to persevere onto becoming an idol actually and would have given up easily. Izumi told Leo not to give up so easily like a kid and that he should learn to grow up like an adult by bearing things down and fight things through, since he does have the talent to be an idol. However, his words just fell on deaf ears as Leo pouted and complained that he doesn’t want to be an adult =w=“

Tsumugi was just leaving the hospital when he had spotted them by the entrance, and approached them to greet them. Leo doesn’t know who Tsumugi was so Izumi helped to introduce them to each other, since he was in the same class as Tsumugi. Izumi had asked why Tsumugi had appeared at the hospital, but guessed that he must have been entrusted by the teacher to pay a visit to Eichi here. Tsumugi went on to ask Izumu to come and visit Eichi when he had the time, since he felt that Eichi seems to be very lonely over there. He tried to give Izumi a omamori in blessing of good health and even offered to hang it on his school bag when Izumi rejected him and asked him not to touch his bag without permission. (Though Izumi seems kind of harsh, it feels kind of creepy that Tsumugi just went onto touching his bag wanting to hang the omamori on it. I won’t feel comfortable about it if I’m Izumi ^^;) He clarified that he’s someone who doesn’t want to rely on “god’s power” and thus had no need of a omamori.

Izumi explained that he had brought Leo here since Leo had broke his arm a few days ago, and had also caused quite a commotion though Izumi doesn’t know about the full details as he wasn’t there at the scene. He wanted Leo to come and treat his injury, but Leo just grumbled that he doesn’t like the hospital and kept wanting to escape. Leo complained that he doesn’t like the smell of medicine, and also people who are carrying needles around and passing medicines around. (They’re doctors, Leo...)

Tsumugi doesn’t know Leo either even though he knew that he’s someone from the same school because of the uniform. Thus Leo introduced himself,  praising himself as a genuis who doesn’t really goes to school. (Is that something to be proud of...? ^^:) Izumi asked Leo that maybe he should quit school if he disliked it so much, but since Leo’s parents had already paid for the school fees, Leo felt sorry if he had quitted school halfway, and besides Leo himself stated that he can’t do anything else other than music actually, so he won’t be able to attend normal school as he isn’t good at studying. Izumi dissed him that if he had knew that, he should all the more work harder by taking lessons seriously and do more activities as an idol. (Besides I think skipping lessons is a waste of his parents’ school fees too... =w=‘)

Tsumugi who was watching them, remarked that he’s glad to know that Izumi actually managed to make friends, since he was worried when he noticed that Izumi seems to always be alone in class. Izumi denied that he’s friends with Leo but Leo insisted they are, and even went onto hugging him as he told Izumi that he love him XDD Izumi had no idea why Leo could still be so hyper and energetic when he had an injured arm seriously ^^;

The Killing Song / 人殺しの歌 : Chapter 3

Eichi had heard the commotion from his ward and thus head over to the window to take a look. He noticed Tsumugi over there and could recognised Izumi as they’re in the same class. However, the remaining small kid there was someone which Eichi didn’t recognise at all.

Eichi looked at the photo of Keito when he had participated in the archery compeition, where he was in a very good condition at that time, but still lost the trophy to someone who was in the same year. This was one of the rare times which Eichi had seen Keito being agitated and felt nostalgic about it since the last time he saw Keito being hung about losing was the time when they’re still elementary students. The two of them were really close when they’re young, but now that they’ve grown up and have drifted apart, that Eichi doesn’t even know what Keito was thinking about nowadays. (That sound sad... TWT)

Just then, Leo barged into the ward, screaming out of the window that Izumi is an idiot yet again. He was pissed that Izumi had dumped him at the hospital, saying himself being a poor thing and Izumi being the devil, and added on that it was all just a myth from shoujo manga that those who have good-looking looks were kind-hearted and gentle. (Wait.. which shoujo manga sells that idea? I thought “bad boys” who were good-looking was quite a norm ^^:) Izumi had heard him but still ran off with his hands on his ears in the end XD

Poor Leo screamed that he could see Izumi running away from the window and begged him not to go and leave him here, while still calling him stupid and mean though XD

Noticing Eichi who was standing next to him, Leo asked if he had something that’s about the size of a hand. Eichi was confused why he was asking such a question, but offered him the fruits which Tsumugi had brought over earlier on, since Eichi couldn’t eat them actually since everything he ate needs to go through the nutritionist. 

Leo happily accepted them, and said that he shall eat half of them, whereas for the other half... he would use it to throw at Izumi! Eichi tried to stop him from doing that, stating that that would be mean and bad to the farmers who worked hard to grow the fruits if he’s just going to play with them. Leo started apologising to the farmers when he realised his mistakes (awww so cute >/////<), but asked Eichi on what he should do then since he was also quite a poor thing being abandoned here by Izumi.

Since Leo had broke his arm and thus unable to play any instrument, he decided that he shall sing instead. He even asked Eichi to listen to his new song, which he had called it “The mean Sena who would grow mould all over his body and die a suffocating, painful death...” XDD (Song created and written your one and only Tsukunaga Leo~) It was then Eichi realised that Leo wa quite a weird child...

The Killing Song / 人殺しの歌 : Chapter 4 - 5

Izumi had returned to the school while thinking how he can’t believe Leo had even come to school and started writing songs as per usual when he had a broken arm. He can’t bear to leave Leo there untreated with his injury, and thought that it’s best that he pulled him to the hospital to let him heal over there, even if the way he had done it was a bit forceful. 

Izumi had actually booked a practice room actually, but due to him bring Leo to the hospital, he had wasted some of the time that he could have used for practice at the room instead. However, since Leo would be working on the song and also the outfit design as an “extra” service, Izumi won’t have to spend too much money in preparing for a performance, but that could also mean that they would need to buck up soon in order to gain some earnings. Izumi thought to himself that Leo was someone who would just take care some random people who Izumi thought of them as being “unusable” (or say... useless) and thought Leo was quite stupid in that way, since those people aren’t really people who knew about “repayment” and would just suck Leo dry knowing that he’s someone who is a “useful idiot”. 

Izumi sighed to himself knowing that Leo had smiled and laughed being unaware that he’s being made used of by those people. Even though he had tried to scold those people about their actions, Leo had came up to him and told him to get along with the others like Izumi was the one who wasn’t aware of the atmosphere. (Ah, I guess Leo thought Izumi doesn’t get along with others because he can’t blend into the atmosphere of everyone getting along, but Izumi doesn’t want to get along with them since he had already seen through their real colours... OWO”) Izumi was pissed and would wished that everyone (in the group) would just die already XD (Izumi’s curse XDD)

Izumi wondered to himself why is he unable to get away from Leo even though he knew how stressed he would get from being around him (due to having to look after him all the times ^^;) But there’s nowhere Izumi could escape to now that he can’t return to the modelling world, and resigned to his fate that he would just have to survive here now. 

Just then, he noticed a very familiar face by the entrance and called out to “him”. (Though he was calling him a “kuso megane” XDD) And... that person was none other than... Arashi!~ (He looks so cute like a mini Akiyomi with that hair colour and specs, is brown his original hair colour or the blonde? OWO”)

Arashi got a scare himself, and told Izumi that he had not heard him approaching. He said he was hurt by the insult given by Izumi and asked him why is he calling him “kuso megane”. He wondered if it’s because he doesn’t suit glasses, but laughed it off by saying that it’s impossible that they don’t match him since he had gotten the same pair as Akiyomi Sensei, while gushing over how cute the spectacles are himself XD

Izumi just felt disgusted with the way Arashi is speaking and acting, and asked him what on earth is he doing outside the gate since he’s in the way. Arashi just took it as a joke since there’s still so much space by the side (so there’s no way he’s blocking anyone from walking through XD) Izumi admitted that he just found Arashi’s presence an eyesore though, and asked him why had he enrolled in the same school as him, adding on that he had headed towards a disgusting direction of transformation that his unpleasant feeling towards him was just increasing... (I guess Arashi was very different now than how he was in the past. But I bet Izumi didn’t like him very much in the past and now ^^;)

Arashi thought that Izumi was just bothering for no reason, and told him that he had no interest in him unfortunately as he’s now blind by love and unable to see anyone else~ (We all know who his love interest is anyway XD) Izumi doesn’t like how Arashi is calling him “Izumi-chan” and want him to call him as “Sena-senpai” since he’s his senior afterall. He lectured him that he should respect his seniors and use honorifics, dissing that Arashi’s ears are just decorations (since obviously he had not listened to Izumi at all ^^;)

Arashi was actually waiting by the gate as according to the information he had gotten, the work day for teachers had already ended, so it should around this time that Akiyomi Sensei would come out through the gate. However, there was no sight of Akiyomi so Arashi asked Izumi if he had know anything about it since he heard that he’s close to him. However, Izumi revealed that weirdly Akiyomi Sensei just likes to be friendly to him and somehow their relationship were better over time. Izumi was confused about the relationship between Arashi and Akiyomi though, since the two of them belonged to different modelling agency and wondered perhaps there’s a time where they’ve worked and get to know about each other. Unfortunately, that triggered Arashi into wanting to share about his side of the story (or say love story ^^;) of how he had first met Akiyomi Sensei, stating that it’s a meeting of fate that would make one cries when they heard about it. (... Really...? o.O) Izumi shot it down quickly, stating that he had no interest in wanting to know why a guy is so fixated on another guy,adding on that it seems very unhealthy. (Welp, Izumi you’re not any better yourself later on when you are obsessed with Makoto though...? OWO”)

In the end, Izumi told Arashi that Akiyomi Sensei had stayed behind to finish up some work, since he was a new teacher and had alot of tasks being entrusted to him. Arashi wasn’t pleased that Izumi had actually knew much about Akiyomi (more than him XD), and wondered that perhaps Izumi had been targeting Akiyomi as well. He started getting defensive and warned him that it’s not allowed, stating that Akiyomi was the fated person for him. (Guy jealousy?) Izumi cooly remarked that he’s doesn’t want him anyway and could give him to Arashi XD The reason why Izumi actually knew much about Akiyomi was because he had came to Izumi and talked about it by himself, and Izumi guessed that perhaps Akiyomi Sensei was just feeling lonely since he doesn’t really knew anyone in the school. (Somehow, it’s kind of cute imagine Akiyomi Sensei being lonely ^///^”)

Arashi could understand why Akiyomi had approached Izumi though, since even though Izumi had a bad attitude overall, he’s easy to speak to and would listen seriously to their problems. Izumi would even helped to solve those problems or give advice about it. (Izumi sounds like a good counselor in a way ^^) 

Since it would be a waste of time for Arashi to wait outside of the gate for Akiyomi Sensei, Izumi asked him to accompany him. Arashi thought that Izumi was asking him out for a date and rejected him, stating that he already had promised himself to a certain someone. By now, Izumi was already frustrated with him and revealed that he wanted him to go practice with him, since he would be able to practice more stuff with one more additional person rather than him alone. Also Arashi would be able to look at Izumi’s performance and helped him to pin point out what are his weaknesses and areas to improve on. Even though Arashi wondered why Izumi was so hardworking that he would be treated like an idiot in this school (since it was the norm to slack in this school a year ago =w=“), but he decided to tag along too as he was getting cold and lonely just waiting outside anyway.

For Izumi, he was alright in getting anyone to practice with him since he wasn’t able to get people from the same unit anyway, but Arashi took that as Izumi being too forceful usually and thus other people doesn’t treat him as a comrade in the end. Izumi explained that that was because his unit worked more like a guild actually, where people were not really bound to it and stayed to gain whatever that’s of advantage to them.

(At this time, I think Arashi didn’t belonged to any unit yet since he claimed that he’s someone who doesn’t want to work for a unit back then. Though he enjoyed having the advantages of being in a unit, he doesn’t like the responsibility aspect of it =w=“ Izumi knew that his personality was like this since in the past, that Arashi was someone who won’t even move a finger if it’s something for someone’s sake instead.)

Even Izumi wasn’t a fan of Arashi’s personality, he knew he had the potential and skills. Izumi continued to talk more about the unit he belonged to now, though it was initially named as “Chess”, it had since changed names multiple times, to “Othello” (meaning ‘reversi’), and now called as “Backgammon”. (They’re all names of board games OWO”) “Chess” was actually the 2nd oldest unit in the school ever since it was created, and Leo was one of the members who had been there since it was called “Chess” and he was viciously against changing of the unit name.

Arashi didn’t know who Leo is back then, so Izumi told him that Leo was someone who was in the same unit and year as him, and that made Arashi remembered who he is, since he was someone who was seen with Izumi and looks like a girl since he had long hair. (Hmm... Leo actually could be seen as a girl somehow~ +W+) Izumi insisted that they’re not friends though, and he only viewed Leo as someone he can’t bear to leave behind like a kitten in the rain ^^” However, Arashi noticed that Izumi seems to show a good expression like how he did way in the past when he was with Leo, but Izumi shot back that he had always showed a good expression all the time. (Are you sure...=w=“)

Just then, Izumi noticed someone who had collapsed by the school gate and thought that it was a corpse. But Arashi said that he had already noticed it earlier on since he was at the school gate for a long time already, and mentioned that this person had walked sleepily, tripped, and fell asleep over there, thus Arashi had thought that he was just taking an afternoon nap. (Arashi just seems very not caring at all ^^;)

(And that person that they’re referring to, you might have guessed who is it by now... it’s Ritsu~)

Izumi thought that Arashi really had no interest in other people and wished he would be abit more caring, since the person might have fainted or in a bad body conditions. Besides,he felt that it would too weird to just leave such a suspicious person there alone. (There goes Izumi with his “I can’t leave behind such a person” tagline XD)

Izumi rushed up to Ritsu and asked if he’s alright, even offering to call for an ambulance. However, Ritsu groggily replied that he’s alright and Izumi was interrupting his sleep, even stating that he’s going to kill anyone who stop him from sleeping XD That made Izumi pissed and since he guessed that Ritsu must be a first year, he demanded him to be more polite to him as he’s a senior. (Is it me or how many times had Izumi throws around the seniority card demanding his juniors to be polite to him...? ^^;)

Ritsu answered that though he’s a first year, he’s a student who had retained for a year so most probably he’s at the same age as Izumi actually. He requested Izumi to leave him alone and let him sleep, since he wasn’t feeling so energetic as the sun was too much for him. Ritsu was actually awaiting for Mao to pass through and carry him back home via piggyback, and wanted to just lie here until the sun had set ^^;

Noticing that Ritsu seems to be feeling unwell, Izumi offered to bring him to the sickbay, and later on insisted on bringing him indoor even though Ritsu claimed that he’s alright. He called for Arashi to help him carry Ritsu, though Arashi wasn’t pleased that he’s calling him “Kuso Megane” again ^^; Izumi remarked that he’s calling him that since Arashi doesn’t like to be called by his name, to which Ritsu had overheard it, and claimed that he’s the same too, that he got a weird feeling whenever someone called him by his surname. (And he called Arashi “Kuso Megane” too XD)

But when asked about his full name, Ritsu groggily answered that he’s “...Kuma Ritsu”, that Izumi ended up calling him “Kuma-kun” after that. (Kuma-kun sounds like bear XD) Arashi thought that that was a cute name and decided that he wanted a cute name too, asking them to call him as “Naru-chan”. Izumi thought that this wasn’t the time to be talking about names though, and quickly got Arashi to carry Ritsu to the sickbay together.

The Killing Song / 人殺しの歌 : Chapter 6 - 7

Izumi changed and arrived at the practice room later on to realise that nobody was there as expected. (The other members of his unit didn’t turn up at all) Arashi smiled and remarked that the other members of “Backgammon” really had no motivation for practice at all. He still insisted on Izumi to refer him as “Naru-chan”, but Izumi dissed that he’s not the body size to be called as a “chan” since he’s quite muscular, and asked him whether he had been playing any sports. Arashi revealed that he was actually in the Track and Field Club, and thus would practice for it sometimes. Izumi wondered why he had went and joined into a club when he claimed that he’s not that free usually, since the school did not make it compulsory that one has to join a club actually at that time.

Ritsu, who was still sleeping, woke up and complained that they’re too noisy. Arashi asked him whether he had felt better and that is it really alright that he doesn’t need to be brought to the sickbay. Izumi was glad that Arashi was around to help him, since he knew he isn’t going to be able to carry Ritsu all the way here with his strength alone, but Arashi was more envy of the fact that Izumi was slim since Arashi himself complained that he gained muscules too easily ^^; 

Ritsu assured them that he doesn’t planned to stay here for too long to disrupt their practice. He wanted to call for Mao to come and picked him up, thus asked if anyone had a smartphone which they could lend it to him to make the phone call. Izumi lent him his, though he warned him not to leave any fingerprints on it. (How do you use it without leaving fingerprints... OWO”) However, Ritsu had trouble in using a smartphone even though he had already remembered Mao’s number, and that made Izumi impatient with him, stating that he would call Mao for Ritsu, and asked him to tell him his phone number instead. Ritsu was thankful and told him that he shall repay his kindness one day.

(Ritsu really doesn’t seems like he’s someone who live in the modern world OWO” I realised that quite a number of students in Yumenosaki Gakuen doesn’t know how to use a smartphone ^^;)

Izumi started playing a music, remarking that this was a new song made by the “idiot”, Leo. Even though they won’t be able to practice singing since the song doesn’t have any lyrics now, he wanted Arashi to get a sense of the melody of the song and the rhythm, since he wanted him to participate in the next live performance with him, stating that this was an order. Arashi was alarmed and clarified that he’s just standing in to help replace those seniors in  “Backgammon” in practice, and doesn’t want to perform on stage actually, but Izumi answered that the other members aren’t interested to perform anyway, and even if they did, they won’t be doing it seriously. Since Leo had his arm injured, Izumi declared that it would be just him and Arashi left to perform, stating that an idol’s job was to make the audience happy by singing and dancing, asking Arashi whether he felt that way too. 

Arashi in the end reluctantly decided to join him to show that he’s a “good girl”, though he stated that he had come to this school initially just to chase after Akiyomi. That made Izumi glad as he praised Arashi being a “good child” XD

Ritsu also started dancing along with them, so Izumi told him to just stay put and rest since he wasn’t feeling well. Ritsu explained that he just suddenly felt like moving after listening to the music, mentioning that he’s quite fond of the music as it gave him a feeling of being alive. Since Ritsu wanted to know what music it is, Izumi explained to him that this song was created by Leo, which was actually an arrangement from a certain famous movie. 

Just then, Ritsu remarked that he could smell “Mao, and sure enough, he came into the practice room at the next moment. Mao came rushing into the room, saying that Ritsu had said to “rescue him as he’s dying” before hanging up on him, and that made Mao really worried since Ritsu doesn’t even tell him where he is located. (So cute how he’s calling Ritsu “Ri-chan” here~ >///<)

Ritsu was all smiles though as he assured Mao that he would be able to find him no matter Ritsu is at in this world. (This guy has too much trust in Mao’s abilities XD) Mao complained that he had spent alot of efforts asking students around the school for information whether they had spotted Ritsu, and was mad since it seems that Ritsu was just playing around with him seeing how Ritsu seems to be all healthy and energetic here. (I like this new pose of Ritsu +W+)

Izumi told Mao and Ritsu that they’re being too noisy and disrupting their practice. He also told that Ritsu really does look unwell just now and requested Mao to bring him home since he’s Ritsu’s childhood friend afterall, telling him to treasure such a relationship since it’s rare for childhood friends to be still close to each other even when they’ve become high school students. In the end, Ritsu returned with Mao, asking him to carry him home by piggyback XD He also returned the smartphone he had borrowed from Izumi, even though he threw it back and almost gave him a heart attack. (I would too if someone threw my phone ><”)

After getting his phone back, Izumi received a call with an unknown number. Picking it up, he realised that it was from Leo, who had called from the hospital as he was lonely there. However, Izumi was mean to him, asking him to call his family instead if he was lonely since he’s not his mum XD He also encouraged him to talk to other patients since Leo was much more friendlier unlike Izumi himself, and since Eichi was there at the hospital too, Izumi encouraged Leo to talk with him and become friends. He assured Leo that his injury isn’t too serious, and if he takes care of himself, he would be able to get out of the hospital soon.

Arashi who was watching Izumi talking on the phone, remarked that he really does showed a good expression whenever he talks to Leo, much like how he looks like in the past. He felt nostalgic and mentioned that Izumi was still the same now that he would take care of a young kid back then. Izumi realised that he was referring to Makoto, and asked him if he had knew that Makoto had also enrolled into this school. Izumi mentioned that he was surprised when he spotted Makoto walking around at school, but when he called out to him, Makoto started escaping from him instead. He was worried for Makoto and wondered if he was the same as him being in hardship as it was hard to change from being a model to an idol, and even wanted to protect him himself, but he knew that he no longer had the right to do that anymore, since he knew that he would bring trouble for Makoto if he had gotten him involved.

Aarshi mentioned that he had remembered hearing that Makoto had escaped from the modelling industry due to some reason, and he would cried out whenever a camera was found aiming at him. Izumi said that he doesn’t know what was the reason either, and wondered whether he should call Makoto’s mum to ask about it, if she hasn’t changed her number by now. 

Because they were talking about Makoto’s mum, Madara appeared as soon as he heard the word “mama”, asking if they were actually looking for him XD Izumi wasn’t pleased to see him and answered that no one has called for him. He asked him why was he here when they’re the ones who had booked the dance room for this period of time. Madara was looking for Leo but he wasn’t here, as Izumi explained that he had broken his arm. He was curious in how Madara actually knew Leo, that Madara answered confidently that they’re actually friends. 

He murmured to himself that Leo actually had his arm broken when he was in so much pain at that time, and wondered perhaps he should pay a visit to him at the hospital. Izumi offered to tell him the location of the hospital he is saying, and also asked Madara whether he had knew how Leo had gotten himself injured since Madara seems to know something about it. He wanted to know why Leo would get into a fight when he’s someone who doesn’t even bear to kill a fly.

However, Madara denied to share anything, as since Leo had kept silent about it, Madara felt that it would be bad for him to reveal the reason. Izumi asked once again whether Leo had gotten himself into something that’s criminal, since he was worried that he might get involved into the evil of this world due to how naive he is usually. Madara asked him back that in order to answer his question, he would first have to know what is Izumi’s meaning of “committing a crime”, since everyone’s definition of a “crime” maybe different from one another.

In the end, Madara left after asking Izumi to pass a message to Leo on his behalf, that “the cat was alright after that”, and “he had already punished the bad guys and won’t bother Leo anymore”. Izumi was left confused and frustrated with Madara’s actions, complaining that everyone around him just seems to do whatever they like ^^;

The Killing Song / 人殺しの歌 : Chapter 8

Back at the hospital, Leo was happily playing the piano, as he was having fun with playing instruments though usually he was a digital type of person. (People who preferred making music digitally?)

Looking at him being that happy, Eichi was glad that he had gotten his helpers to brought the piano into the ward. Leo had recovered really quickly that the doctors were shocked at his rate of his recovery, but he was still very stressed (being cooped up in the hospital), and started playing the piano really violently to release his stress. Eichi persuaded him to play it less violently since the piano actually belonged to another patient actually. (Please don’t break the piano Leo TWT)

Eichi had since then moved to a private ward actually as his health had deteriorated, and multple medical machines of the newest technology had also been moved to his ward too. He was glad that the piano could be used as a gift for Leo (his new friend), and asked to play the piano together. Leo was all too happy to get him to play together ^^

Eichi asked Leo what was the song he was playing earlier on, since he had found it familiar but couldn’t remember what it was about. Leo replied happy that it was the “The Killing Song”. Leo also gave Eichi a nickname, called “Tenshi” (Angel), since it derived from shortening his surname (Tenshouin -> Tenshi) However, Eichi felt abit embarrassed being called as a angel as he was now a high school male student, as angels have such a lovely image. Leo argued that Shu had told him that gods and angels seems to kill alot more than demons actually, so angels doesn’t really have such a lovely image afterall. (Erm, is that explanation going to make Eichi feel any better? ^^;)

Eichi was more surprised of the fact that Leo actually knew Shu. (Since he was really well-known in the school at that time as he was part of Valkyrie, which was s very powerful unit at that time.) Leo happily replied that the two of them talked frequently about arts actually, though most of the time it ended up with Shu grabbing Leo by the collar. (I bet Leo pissed him off in the end ^^;) Leo would also get Shu to help him with designing the outfit for their live performances. 

Suddenly, Eichi started getting dizzy, though he mentioned that it might be because he had gotten himself too excited. He doesn’t want Leo to call for the doctor though, since he doesn’t want to prolong his stay in the hospital and knew that Leo who hated in the hospital would know how he felt too about the hospital. Eichi mentioned that he had stayed in hospitals for almost half of his life since he had a weak body ever since he was born, and thus he longed for the world outside. He worked hard to keep himself healthy just so that he could finally go live the life that he had envied others on having. However, whenever he just started to enjoy the life like others did by stepping one step, he was soon taken back to the hospital. 

Leo listened and replied that he could understand what Eichi is feeling, since as a guy, they would wished that they’re strong, and thus agreed on helping Eichi lied, which is to think that Eichi is being healthy and didn’t call for the doctor later on. However, he still got Eichi to lie on the bed and rest, and to ask Eichi to rely on him if he had needed anything since it’s not embarrassing to ask for help as Leo won’t look down on him even if he had asked for it.

Monologue

Back to the present, Eichi talked about how narrow their views were back then, but somehow Eichi felt that he had the same thoughts and feelings as Izumi. He wanted to have a good relationship with Izumi as classmates, but Izumi just asked him to keep quiet as he was still thinking about the next step he should take in chess and found it hard to concentrate when Eichi was babbling by himself ^^; Eichi expressed that he had felt bored facing such a chess match where things are in a standstill, and regretted not setting a time limit for it. 

Izumi still thought that Eichi was being noisy but Eichi ignored him and continued talking about the next main topic he wanted to bring up about - which is the DDD event that was approaching soon. As the event date crept nearer, the school started to get noisier, with people practising their performance and singing. However, Izumi doesn’t seems to be practising for it, which gets Eichi attention, since Izumi was well-known as someone who likes practising. Izumi admitted that the “Knights” now had already been pulled off the stage and doesn’t has the glory like how it used to in the past. Even if they were to return to the stage now, it would just be an embarrassment, since including the newest member they have now, “Knights” only has 4 members in total. 

However, Eichi thought that when Leo returned, Knights’ power would increased as well overall, and guessed that it would highly possible since Leo had not quit school yet. Izumi showed a sad face upon hearing this though and answered that Leo won’t be fighting anymore. Seeing Izumi’s reactions, Eichi was sad too and said that he had visited Leo after “that” too, but it seems that he was still really depressed. He said that the person he had seen was not the “Leo” that he likes and wondered that perhaps geniuses are people who are easilly crumbled. He remarked that it seems that the history of “Chess” might soon come to a end, to which Izumi asked him sarcastically who was the one who had caused all of this actually. (It’s Eichi... =w=“)

Eichi denied that it’s his fault though and said it’s “Chess” themselves who had destroyed themselves, stating that “Chess” had long lost their meaning of why the unit had existed and was just expanding and thus corroded on the inside, passing down the evil traditions from the past. Eichi thought he was one who had appeared to cleanse the school and with the times changing, it was destined that units that were not up to standard got flushed away.

Izumi doesn’t like how Eichi is saying it though and asked whether he had thought of himself as a god. Eichi smiled and answered that he’s an angel, since Leo had called him that. He thought of himself who had cleansed the dirt and corrosion from within, gave the punishment to those who are guilty and brought the school to a new revolution. However, because he had gotten himself too deep into this mindset, Eichi had ended up losing friends, and losing his way. Since Eichi was now a third year, he doesn’t have much time left in this school, and thus wanted to make better use of the “pawns” he had in hand.

錆びゆく心 : Chapter 1 - 2

Going back to a year ago, Eichi was still at the hospital but he already had thoughts to carry out his plans / story. Soon, he won’t be the one just looking out of the window longingly, and thought that soon the story of Keito and him would soon start...

Just then, Tsumugi came into the ward, asking Eichi whether he had called for him. Eichi sighed and told him that he had not called for him, and was amazed that Tsumugi had actually came and visited him regularly. Tsumugi was all smiles as he replied that it was because Eichi and him were friends afterall, and since now that they were in the same unit, Tsumugi thought that it’s best to show his face regularly so as to be in a better relationship with each other. (Ah... Tsumugi was still so pure and naive here TWT)

Even though Eichi thought that he doesn’t meant to create an unit where everyone gets along well, he was glad that Tsumugi had felt this way, and also asked him to get along with the other members of Fine. Tsumugi was all too glad to do so, and Eichi told him that he would be friends with him as long he showed himself to be of good use. (Wah, that... doesn’t sound nice Eichi! It totally sounds like you’re just making use of Tsumugi, even getting him to get along with the other members for your sake... =w=“)

Eichi had returned to the hospital as he was too excited earlier on when he was just discharged, and felt bad that he’s cooped up here again, since their main operation was just going to start. Tsumugi wanted to cheer Eichi up, telling him that if there’s anything he could help him in replacement, he would be glad to help. “Backgammon” had changed its name back to “Chess” again in the meantime, and Eichi, feeling that the unit was a threat to him, wanted to get rid of the members in it. He would try to persuade and negotiate with them to get them to break apart using all kinds of methods he could use. However, there’s two members that Eichi actually wanted for himself, since they’re good to boost up the power for Fine.

The two members he was referring to was “Nagisa” and “Hiyori”, and since Tsumugi mentioned that he actually knew Nagisa, he offered to contact him. Hiyori was actually someone Eichi knew personally, since they’re both from rich families, but Eichi admitted that he didn’t want to have much to do with Hiyori actually, since Hiyori was someone that Eichi felt hard to deal with as Hiyori doesn’t listen to Eichi at all ^^; (Unexpectedly Eichi actually has people he doesn’t want to deal with OWO”)

Eichi also talked about the five oddballs and how he had already decided on who are the five selected. The main three that was decided swiftly was of course: Sakuma Rei, Shinkai Kanata, and Hibiki Wataru. Adding on to them were Itsuki Shu from Valkyrie and Sakasaki Natsume who was a first year to make up the five oddballs in the end. It was hard for Eichi to decide who to be qualified as an oddball, but he ultimately selected these five as they’re the ones with the highest power of influence in the school. 

Tsumugi was excited that Natsume was selected and wanted to tell him as soon as possible, since he felt that it was something to celebrate about knowing that he’s one of the five most popular soloist idol in school. (Erm, I don’t think Natsume would be happy to know about this... Orz) 

Eichi thought of himself being from the side of righteous, and was all fired up to defeat the “evil”. Tsumugi doesn’t really understand what he had meant about that, and wanted Eichi to get some rest since he’s worried about his health more. Eichi talked about how even though their views maybe different, he found Tsumugi as a really good “yesman” overall. (Ouch...) Tsumugi was oblivious to it as he happily replied that he’s just someone who can’t read the atmosphere. (Wait, Tsumugi are you really that naive that you’re glad to be a yesman? OWO” I really wonder if Tsumugi is really that naive or he just doesn’t’ mind that Eichi just insulted him Orz....)

Just then, Leo had arrived too to pay Eichi a visit, and that cheered him up alot as he remarked that it seems that he had quite alot of visitors today. (Leo called Tsumugi as “Oba-chan” (Grandma) though XD The nickname that Tsumugi said he dislikes ^^;...) Leo mentioned that Tsumugi would always give him some omamori whenever they had met, that Eichi sighed after hearing about it, and stated that this was just one of Tsumugi’s bad habits... 

Leo also mentioned that he had also started to receive present from his fans recently, though he wondered why the leader from “Backgammon” (which was the past leader of the current “Chess”) had quit school due to an “unfortunate” event... Leo was being elected as the next leader, and thus this caused a new change in direction. However, he was glad that the unit name changed back to “Chess” again. (Since Leo was really fond of that name~) He was still quite defensive and helped to protect the other members when Eichi talked about them later on.

Eichi warned Leo that the other members were just in the same unit as him because he would provide them with songs free of charge, and thus they stayed around to suck him dry. However, Leo doesn’t listen to him and said that he’s doing what he wants just because he wanted to do it. (So I take it that Leo doesn’t mind giving out free songs to others?) He started to get pissed at Eichi that he’s speaking bad about his unit members when he had came here specially to pay him a visit, and wanted to leave because he was angry.

Eichi wanted him to stay for a round of chess, which they couldn’t finish the match the previous time. But Leo was still angry and told him to just play with Tsumugi instead. He was actually quite busy as he revealed that “Chess” seems to be breaking apart on the inside and everyday was a battle for him. Even though Leo had felt tired from battling everyday, he had wanted to come here and take break by listening to Eichi singing to the songs he had created with his beautiful voice. 

Eichi was amazed that Leo had yet another new song created, since he was creating songs at a fast pace, praising that he’s really a genius. Leo answered that he already knew he’s a genius but he wanted to do was to use this talent of his in a place that could make everyone happy, and this was the reason why he had wanted to become an idol. 

Leo started reaching out towards the window and that gets Eichi worried, as he had a feeling that Leo wanted to jump out of it. However, Leo didn’t listened to him anyway, and got out of the room that way, telling Eichi that he would remember that they’ve yet to finish their chess match, and asked Eichi to continue living till then. (And... you just stole one of the chess pieces, Leo... =w=“)

Eichi really felt that Leo was a weird person, and really someone who is a genius. Tsumugi mentioned that the school was now in quite a huge commotion over how “Chess” had revived, and was curious why didn’t Eichi selected Leo as one of the five oddballs since he was someone who had the skills and talent to become one. Eichi was surprised and answered that he had actually never thought of that even though he agreed that Leo does have the power that could match with the other oddballs. But he admitted that he doesn’t really want to fight Leo in the end, since he would feel bad as if he had beaten a pure and naive child actually.

However, what Leo was doing now (being really active) was according to Eichi’s plans anyway, since he had expected the surroundings to be critical of “Chess” due to how frequently they’re starting battles with the other units. His plan for “Chess” was to see how one that was being respected and loved by the others get reversed in the end, though a part of him still wished that he could get along well with Leo as per normal, since he loved the song that Leo had created specifically for him.

That’s all for Part 1~! It’s quite lengthy but there’s still Part 2 to be continued on~ Hoping I could finish it as soon as possible so please look forward to it! ^^

[rottenbutrecovering]

i talked behind my friends back about them never being around anymore and i got exposed, and i deserved it, but i feel like i can never show my face again. i hate being a peice of shit. i apologized but i know ill only fuck up again. im clingy and r*tarded

I wanna start this by saying please don’t use the r slur as an insulting way (even towards yourself), even if you censor it. I’m assuming since you censored it you can’t reclaim it, and even if you do censor it, you are still using the word to insult yourself, and adding to the idea that being developmentally disabled can be used as an insult, and maintaining the stigma that that word encourages.

What I think you should do is try and get yourself out of the spiral of self hate you seem to be in. You apologised, took responsibility, now you just need to learn from it. You can’t know you’ll fuck up again, but thinking you will will make it more likely. Instead, try telling yourself that you control what you do, and if you don’t wanna fuck up, you won’t, as long as you put the effort in.

[bigyack-com]

Sejal Sharma’s suicide note says ‘can’t take pressure of this hard life’, mother claims she wasn’t depressed - tv

Sejal Sharma, TV actor who committed suicide by hanging self at her residence, was said to be depressed after she suggested the same in her suicide note. However, her mother has dismissed the claims that Sejal had depression, adding the actor had even landed a lead role recently. According to a report in Amar Ujala, Sejal’s mother said, “She had got a lead role. I don’t know what happened after that she chose to kill herself.” Donal Bisht, who worked with Sejal on the show Actor of Dil Toh Happy Hai Ji also revealed that the actor had auditioned for a role and was also shortlisted.Sejal had reportedly said, “I can’t take the pressure of this hard life” in her suicide letter which seems to have been written in a hurry and was not legible. A report in Mumbai Mirror has quoted a Thane police official as saying, “We are calling experts to decipher many words in the letter written cursively. However, from whatever we have been able to understand, she was tired of the struggles in life. He also informed that she also apologised to her parents stating that they would have to live with the stigma for her decision (of committing suicide).” “In the note, she has not blame anyone for her decision to take the extreme step,” he added. Also read: Mission Mangal director Jagan Shakti’s condition serious, undergoing diagnosis for clot in brain: reportsJasmin Bhasin, who played the role of Happy in Dil Toh Happy Hai Ji, had told Pinkvilla, “Her mother and father were not keeping best of health, she had the responsibility of doing something for them, make money and be something. She was a very talented and ambitious girl. I always told her that she will get a show on her talent anytime. She was disciplined and focused. She was auditioning. I have spoken to a couple of her co-stars too and they are equally shocked.”Follow @htshowbiz for more Read the full article