#and ngl i am a little shaken by it

[cellberry]

If you close your eyes...

...does it almost feel like you've been here before?

[breadedsinner]

Went into the city for a very mediocre Halloween party, the public parking garage fucking closed half an hour early, could not get an Uber, the only person nearby was my sister and she left her phone at home....I called my parents in tears to pick me up, I sat there like an idiot for 20 minutes when someone who worked there saw me and asked if I needed to get in. I thanked her profusely but she also did not know why it closed.

So uh guess that's my Halloween spook-tacular. Should have stayed home and played D&D.

Also guess I have been radicalized on public transportation.

[xx3bvvx]

Cale was supposed to die during the sadness test in the Sealed God temple!

Here me out, you remember when ARM said that 10th of thousands died in the Sealed God temple, right? So if Cale didn't meet lsh, who told him that he and cjs were happy, Cale would've been totally crushed by wetness their funeral

Cale didn’t know the method of overcoming this memory. He will simply persist through it for the rest of his life. ‘And now I can persist through it quite easily.’

Even after +15 years, Cale didn't know to overcome lsh and cjs until now that explains why the three of them are acting in book 2 but anyway

At the time, it was difficult. He was sad. No. That was still the case. “I am sad.”

I remember reading that moment hit me so hard and still do, Cale, our stoic Cale to say, "I am sad." That hit me so hard.

The way to endure past sadness, loss, and this motherfucking memory… It was not to stand firm without being shaken up by them. It was okay to be shaken up by these things from time to time. Humans were not trees that break during typhoons or reeds that sway in all directions. Furthermore, not all humans were the same. They each had their own styles and just had to live in the style that best suited them. Cale had learned many styles as he got older, and felt as if he now knew what the best method was for him. It was not because he had met Lee Soo Hyuk in his dream and heard that Choi Jung Soo was doing well.

Ngl, at that moment, I was proud of him. He has grown up since the first time, I can imagine lsh telling him, "You've grown a lot, little punk."

[holding-monsters-hands]

To feel your touch

(Android!AM x Reader)

warnings:// none other than maybe a bit ooc for AM? idk i just wanted soft & happy AM </3

AM found himself conflicted.

He had been getting to know you little by little for YEARS, and it took him an entire century for him to realize his developed feelings for you. He thought all he was capable of feeling was the burning hatred and pain that he faced with every waking moment of this existence he dared to call “life”, and yet here you are.

Every laugh,

Your little questions and out-of-the-blue thoughts,

Everything.

You created a sensation that could almost be considered physical, a burning sensation of want and affection,

And he wanted more of it.

Which brought him to where he is now, feeling like a baby deer taking its first wobbly steps into the world: in his brand-new body. with pale synthetic skin that revealed the inner circuits and wires that allowed him to feel and function, paired with cold bright pink and blue eyes that could stare into your soul and judge every aspect of it. his hair was short, similar to what you’d see of a general's typical cut. Much of this hard work is put into creating something that could better touch, feel, and experience life: all for you. He could feel the faux skin of his face stretch into a smile, he felt.. excitement, and anxiety at the thought of meeting you in this form. What would you think? would you lose all sense of affection once you saw him? what if he just wasn’t physically what you were hoping for? He immediately shook his head, why the hell should he care? He’s AM! THE allied master computer that managed to smite off nearly every living being in his first moments of sentience, you were just a mortal being compared to him! a god! and yet you were so much more than that, you were everything he didn’t know humanity could be: Kind, passionate, gentle. You had only shown him empathy in the time he had kept you imprisoned so deep below, never once did you blame your fellow survivors for lashing out in their worst moments; after all you were just human. and you managed to force him into that realization, you of all people! he adored you yet hated you for it, you melted his cold, hateful heart into one that just yearned for kindness and empathy. He felt weak, vulnerable! and yet so refreshed by your love. He was snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of your voice calling to him, your tone encased with worry at his lack of response. “AM? where are you?? is everything okay?” his heart melted at your tone, “i’m in here sweetheart!“ he called back to you, wincing slightly at how his voice was shaken with nerves, his concerns seemed to bubble up further once you walked in and froze in what seemed like alarm as you spotted him, yet as if a timer went off in your head, you immediately smiled at him. “AM?”

he swore he never felt so relieved in all his years of sentience.

he tensed as you ran at him to engulf him into a tight embrace, though he did not hesitate to pull you close to his new vessel as he kissed your face with fervor, sobbing softly as his hands held tightly onto you as if you would disappear if he let go.

and you held him just as tight.

(this was super lazy ngl 😭 I love AM tho i promise <3)

[chokememaximoff]

*Let me soothe you🤎

First fic on here kinda nervous ngl.

Abstract:Reader suffers from tinitus

Content: fluff, comfort

I turn around in the bed once more and feel angry tears brimming in my eyes. Please let me sleep, but nothing happens as the ringing continues. You see after damaging my hearing I started experiencing tinitus meaning I have ringing in my ears when it's quiet as a symptom of my hearing getting even worse. It was scary to be honest, but I tried to be as calm as possible so others wouldn't worry. My hearing was declining so fast that it was quite concerning in the matter of two month it went from slight hearing loss to moderately high and there was no stopping it, it was irreversible. And as scary as that was, the tinitus part of it all was driving me crazy. I was so sleep deprived that it was infuriating. I quietly roll out of bed peeking at Wanda who only stirs a little but continues sleeping nevertheless. I go out to the balcony of our shared room and take a pack of cigarettes which I hid from her and turn one on letting the smoke calm me down. Throughout all of this I picked my habit of smoking back up...I mean could you blame me? The world was about to become a scary silent place for me and there was nothing I could do about it. As I'm halfway through my cigarette staring up at the moon I feel a hand on my hip and I jump almost dropping my cigarette and holding my free hand over my mouth so I don't scream.

"Shhh baby it's me" Wanda says with concerned eyes and I remove my hand still shaken.

"How did I not hear y-Oh..." I mumble and her eyes soften. She glances at the cigarette in my hand and sighs. I throw it away quickly and give her a nervous smile.

"Why are you smoking again?" She asks and I sigh.

"I'm just... stressed" I blandly lie and she turns her head to the side.

"You're aware I'm a mind reader right?" She asks and I groan.

"Can't you just let me lie once?" I mumble and she shakes her head no. "I can't umm sleep lately..my ears they're ringing like crazy when it's silent in the room so when you are asleep I am just spinning around not being able to get rest." I say and she frowns.

"You didn't tell me...why?" She asks holding my hand and I shrug.

"Didn't want you to worry, you already got so sad when you found out I was losing my hearing that I didn't wanna stress you our further by telling you about the ringing." I say and she shakes her head.

"Baby I am your wife you can't just stay quiet about your problems because you don't want me to worry. Remember I vowed to be there for you no matter what? Well I meant that. I am so worried about that because I'm scared of how you're dealing with it. I mean you got told that you're losing something you never should have lost and you just nodded and carried on like nothing happened. Baby are you okay? But no lies this time" She says and I feel tears brimming in my eyes and I walk back into the room sitting on our bed and putting my head in my hands. I feel the bed dip next to me and Wanda rubs comforting circles on my back. "I'm here babygirl it's okay, let it out." She says knowing I hated crying in front of anyone.

"Wanda I'm so scared. I-I- Nobody tells you how hard it is to lose one of your senses. I wake up every day not knowing if that will be the last day I hear. I know that hearing aids exist and thanks to whoever invented them , but that's just not the same Wands..and the ringing..God! Its making me lose my mind! I want to rip my ears out! It hurts in a way too Wands when all the pressure builds up in my ears I feel like I'm gonna explode. I-What am I gonna do if I can't hear your beautiful voice? Or your heartbeat when I rest my head on your chest? I-Im scared." I sob and Wanda pulls me onto her lap and I quickly nuzzle my face against her neck sobbing uncontrollably as she comforts me and plays with my hair.

"Baby Im so sorry you have to go through this. You should have told me. If the silence bother you then I won't rest every night until Im sure you're fallen asleep I will sing or hum to you to calm your ears down. I know you're afraid and that's normal, I mean you are losing something you never even thought was an option to lose. Silence is a scary thought to everyone, but hearing aids are there. For god's sake you are the daughter of Tony stark he will invent the best hearing aids the world has seen for you! So calm down my voice will always be there, even when you take off your hearing aids I will talk to you through our minds and you can hear me then. I will always be there and calm you down. So let me soothe you from now on so you can rest my dear." She says and I cup her cheeks kissing her softly in a kiss filled with love and she reciprocates letting me know that she meant every word.

"Thank you, I love you so much Wanda" I say and she smiles caressing my cheek.

"I love you more than you will every know baby." She says and then we settle back on the bed with me on top of her my head on her chest and I faintly hear her heartbeat already seeing a difference from how loud I've heard it before and it makes my chest tighten. "Shh calm down don't think about that, you can still hear it and that's what matters." She says and I look up seeing her eyes glowing red as she reads through my mind. I settle my head back on her chest and her hands skillfully play with my hair knowing just the way to relax me. She starts singing the songs which we dedicated to each other over the course of our relationship and I slowly but surely relax feeling my tired body give up and ease into the bliss of sleep. Nothing is scary when shes around.

[azaisya]

1 to 5 tag

ty to @seasteading for the tag !! i am going to do finn wip ofc ✨

Rules: Follow the prompts, change one if you like, and tell us a little something about your wip! Answers to the prompts can be in the form of quotes or anything you’d like!

One word to describe your WIP:

self-indulgent

Two characters talking in a short excerpt:

“Maybe we can chase the unicorn north,” Finnelyn said, “away from the village.” “No.” Her dark eyes locked onto his. “I need to kill it.” His lip curled. “Don’t believe the rumors that a commoner can win their way into the Luminessence. Hunting is a noble’s game, and the only way to win is to be born to it. You’ve nothing to gain by killing it.” Her gaze on him sharpened, and he—bizarrely—had to fight the urge to take a step back. Nobody looked at him like that. There was no way for her to know the tangle of confused emotions in his chest, the grief he felt for a creature that anybody else in this Empire would slay without a second thought. But those dark brown eyes, as deep and solemn as the damp earth beneath their feet, seemed to pierce through all his layers of pretense and guile to the empty heart of him. “Okay,” she said, as if she hadn’t just shaken him to his core with nothing but a look. “I’m still going to kill it.” Without waiting for a response, she glanced around to get her bearings and started off into the trees. 

Three chapter titles:

i have not split this wip into chapters yet. ngl did not realize that was a thing people did. am i supposed to be doing that

Four tropes featured:

1. Decadent Court 2. Hidden Backup Prince 3. Big, Screwed-Up Family 4. Pieces of God

Five songs from your WIP-playlist:

1. Rule #1 - Magic // Fish in a Birdcage 2. To My Heart // Mother Mother 3. Nothing Matters // The Last Dinner Party 4. Fight for Me // AlicebanD 5. Monsters // Charming Disaster

and i'm going to tag @someabsolutenonsense and @glorf1ndel and anybody else who wants to do this !! get tagged !

[youareinlove]

It is the same thing they put out in January. They changed it a little bit and make the headline yucky. The writer writes for j-14 and life and style while the ET writer is an Emmy nominated journalist. That will tell you everything.

ngl i’m so confident about ET that i am not at all shaken by articles like this, and you’re absolutely right

[heavensfallenprincess]

Hello Emily! of all the places you have gone to so far in Pride, which one has been your favorite?

– @thats-how-i-like-it

Hello friend!!! That is a great question that I’m more than happy to answer :3

Tbh I have good things to say about all the parts of the Pentegram I’ve been to! Obviously I love spending time at the hotel helping Charlie with her lessons and hanging out with the guests, but it’s also been so much fun exploring the different districts and neighborhoods with Lucifer! disregarding one small incident from when we visited Carmilla and Zestial that I’m still a little bit shaken up about ngl

If I had to pick a favorite place in all of Pride though, I’d be lying if I said anywhere other than the castle. I’m not proud to be telling you this rn but ever since I fell, going outside and mingling with ppl has been really REALLY hard and emotionally draining for me… But I’ve always felt right at home with Lulu taking care of me and giving me a safe place to rest. It sucks that I haven’t been able to make much of a difference in the collective morale down here so far, but I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am for him and how…just..forgiving and understanding he’s been about my shortcomings. Sometimes it almost feels like he cares more about me than his own kingdom

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 3x11 and 3x12 Past Tense thoughts (I'm re-watching, so there may be future spoilers)

Part One

Ohhh, I am Definitely looking forward to seeing this again

Learning the Rules of Acquisition is a strong move on Sisko's part

Jadzia is goood at cottoning on - bless this guy for telling her his assumptions

"And then we find our way home." *reassuring hand*. Ngl I'm living for Sisko's comforting touches

"Twenty first century history is not one of my strong points. Too depressing." It's pretty depressing as is - but I imagine it would be even harder for him as this is the period just after the Eugenics Wars where anti-augment sentiment would be at its peak. I wonder if that had anything to do with him avoiding learning about this point in history (and avoiding it must have been, if he knows this little).

"Then what did they do to deserve this?" "...Nothing." Don't mistake Sisko's knowledge of the situation as approval.

"Welcome to the 21st century doctor." ((Yea, I don't like it too much here either, Julian.))

That is the clunkiest of computers XD I always like seeing what people thirty years ago imagined computers would look like today!

"You mean my tattoos?" Girl you are smooooth.

Oof, the commercial before the guy could use the computer to look up the fingerprints - that's just a little too on the nose.

Jjulian's snarky "Thank you" and Sisko's soft touch warning Julian to not go any further into sarcasm. My heart <3

Sisko's sigh as he notices the date :o

Julian's mental health rant is so precious to me. I wonder if it is something more personal to him - imagining how Jules would have lived if he'd been born three-and-a-half centuries earlier.

"Not 'just in our time'!" He is so, rightfully, outraged and I love him for it.

"...if we are frightened enough, or desperate enough, how would we react? Would we stay true to our ideals?" I can't help thinking of the compromises Julian makes during Extreme Measures...

Sisko again having to hold Julian back <3 <3

The soft smiles between O'Brien and Kira after he says "I think I know a few likely candidates." And the way Odo looks back and forth between them like :o

Sisko looking after Julian and getting him breakfast is just so wholesome

"It can't hurt to just look."

Julian is just so gentle, my heart aches watching this <3

The sudden switch to the rich people's dinner is suitably jarring

The old starfleet two handed punch XD Haven't seen that one in a while!

Julian's so shaken by that fight

"We have to save them. Whatever it takes, we have to make sure those hostages survive." Sisko <3 <3 <3

I LOVE Kira's outfit

The amount of technobabble in this episode XD O'Brien is so good at delivering it

"That's five hundred people we've talked to today." Oh Julian just casually knew that, did he? HOW is the augment storyline not foreshadowed and planned in? Julian's constantly too clever!

"The name is Bell... Gabriel Bell." Chills. This line. So powerful. What an end to an episode.

Part Two

"You ever play any football?" "Baseball actually." It had to be mentioned in a 21st century episode.

"It's not just them I'm worried about, its you." This is such a Siskoshir episode, I love it

"My friends are in there." "I know they are, but there's nothing you can do for them." "I have to try." He doesn't understand her at all and I love that for her

I love how much of a tactician Sisko is and how easily he transfers all his skills to this situation

"I really think we should kill this guy." XD

"Why didn't you tell someone?" Why do you think?! there's that classic Julian naiveté. He still hasn't adapted to this century...

"It's not your fault that things are the way they are." "Everybody tells themselves that, and nothing ever changes." Damn. That is the toughest, most hard-hitting line... and still I'll probably continue to tell myself that and not change anything.

"I'm trying to save your life, and the lives of every hostage in that room. And mister, you are not making it easy." "If you're so concerned about our welfare, why don't you let us go?" "You don't know what any of this is about, do you?" The fact that Sisko is so angry on the behalf of people from a different time is just... Oh, I don't know. I forgot for a second there this isn't where he lives, he's not fighting for a personal cause, he's just fighting because it's the right thing to do.

"It would be a start." The emotion in his voice. I love you, Benjamin Sisko.

And now we take a short break to laugh at Miles and Kira <3

Miles' "uh-oh" XD

That is such an eighties photo of his family

"I do know that someday there won't be a need for a place like this." I don't think you're supposed to say that, but I love you for saying it anyway <3

JADZIA! She's so wonderful. Just casually breaking into a super dangerous place like it's nothing. You're the best <3

"You remember my friend Gabe?" Okay so that was smooth, I'm impressed.

"Sir, obviously Jadzia has got to leave. If something were to happen to her, it wouldn't take a doctor long to figure out she wasn't human." I thought was going to be the horrendously misogynistic because she's a woman line - I'm so glad I'm wrong 😅

"...But you're still going to need help to keep those hostages alive, and if it's all the same to you, I'll stay." Sisko's smile at that ^_^

For all Julian's talk about mental health, he's pretty uncomfortable around this guy. Bit disappointing. Maybe again because of the Jules thing hitting too close to home? But still.

"You are asking me to break the law." "I am asking you to give those people a voice." This is such a good line. Go Jadzia!

Big mobile flip phone. I was amused at how not 2020s it was until I remembered that flip phones have actually come back and they do keep getting bigger nowadays XD

"So what do we do with them?" "I don't know." "You could let us go." "All right." Well that was easy

"There is one more thing.... Tell people the truth about what happened here."

I love the way Julian talks with his hands always :3

"You know, Commander, having seen a little of the twenty first century there is one thing I don't understand. How could they have let things get so bad?" Same, Julian. Same.

Well these sure are episodes that hit hard in 2023. Damn. Damn.

[wcbreezeleafaublog]

Lionblaze

I am having a loooot of brainrot on my warrior cats aus. a lot of it is me agonizing over the plots, family trees, povs, and goals of the rewrite, but a lot of it is also on the characters. the silly guys!! and right now, that silly guy is Lionblaze.

decidedly not silly in canon (sucky guy ngl) but I wanna talk about the character arc he's getting from me.

(Now, I am not very far into the canon books, but years of being in the fandom, atching maps, and not giving a damn about spoilers has basically filled me in on everything.)

Depending on the au, Lionblaze is either born to Crowfeather and Leafpool with his siblings, or Ashfur and Leafpool with Jayfeather. Either way, sucky father. He is raised basically the same, and still sneaks out to meet Heatherpaw. He still trains, and still has the same powers.

However, when he fights with the tribe, he fights to kill. Influenced by training with Tigerstar, he cuts down many of the poor rogues, and is only shaken from this haze when Hollypaw is, unfortunately, killed. Her death, while it does not change him immediately, does play a part in his arc. For one, it frightens him away from Tigerstar. So, he never really is as bloodthirsty as he was in that battle, but he is still a fighter, and a powerful one.

Lionblaze may not do it consciously, but he still does take some of what Tigerstar taught him to heart. He is a loyal cat to his clan, and still fights for them, and still uses his powers for them. And he is very gruff with any non-ThunderClan cats, including Breezepelt. He only reluctantly accepts Breezepelt’s involvement with him and Jayfeather when he learns of the sign Jayfeather was given about Breezepelt. Though he eventually does grow closer to Breeze, it isn't until Breeze helps him cure ThunderClan’s greencough outbreak. 

Still, they grow close, enough that Lionblaze is devastated by Breezepelt’s presumed death after the tunnel collapse.  It is made worse, though, because Leafpool was also trapped in the tunnels and presumed dead. Lionblaze had been angry with her, but the fact that she died without them ever getting to talk greatly upsets him. 

And, to make things even worse, Jayfeather bitterly renounces StarClan and allows himself to be driven out of ThunderClan. Lionblaze escorts him to the mountains, but does not stay with his brother. He returns to ThunderClan, alone. 

Entering into oots, Lionblaze is at a very low point. All of this grief is not dealt with, and it sort of consumes him. He becomes an angry cat, lashing out constantly at others. Especially so when, with Squirrelflight mourning her sister, and Brambleclaw stepping down as the deputy, Lionblaze feels that responsibility falls on him to rebuild his clan. He is StarClan’s chosen cat, after all, even though he isn't even sure there can be a prophecy now that the three are fractured. 

This affects both Dovekit and Ivykit, because Lionblaze is made Ivykit’s mentor, but takes up being Dovekit’s, too, since ThunderClan has no healers. All of his anger does not help him treat Dove and Ivy well. Constantly, he lashes out at Ivypaw, and punishes her twice as hard for any little thing that affects Dovepaw at all. Take, for example, the paralysis of Briarpaw. Instead of a tree falling in the camp, Dovepaw, Blossompaw, Ivypaw, and Briarpaw are hunting with some warriors. Blossompaw creates an ill-advised competition with the others, and Ivypaw eagerly joins in, thinking she could impress Lionblaze and finally get her mentor to look at something other than Dovepaw. It doesn't go well, though. As the two apprentices race up a precariously old tree, Briarpaw follows them up to get them to come down. The tree falls, and Blossompaw is the only cat to get out with only scrapes. Briarpaw suffers paralysis, like in canon, and Ivypaw’s pelt is torn up and she suffers a mild concussion. 

Lionblaze, instead of showing care for her well-being, starts to scream at her for the danger she was putting every cat in. He puts emphasis on Dovepaw, of course, which only fuels her resentment of her sister. Upon returning to camp, he doesn't allow her to be checked up by Dovepaw, or anyone else, and gives her extensive apprentice punishments. Lucky for him, she recovers mostly fine (especially after Mothwing helps her out).

Now, Dovewing. Lionblaze didn't treat her very well, either. Constantly, he ignored her struggles and shut down her protests. At her ceremony, she very loudly expressed she did not want to be a healer. But he got louder, until she got scared and gave in. He kept her very separated from Ivypaw and the other apprentices, often pulling her away from fighting and hunting to learn about herbs or whatever else. It was only when Mothwing came to ThunderClan to help did Dovewing get a true mentor (and a namesake), and even then, the moment she realized she could, Dovewing moved to RiverClan. She felt bad, leaving Ivyfang, but she was happier in RiverClan. She was much happier with her girlfriend, mentor, and position. 

Lionblaze still kills Russetfur, though it’s accidental, and is blamed for the death of Flametail. He gets put on suspension, and becomes a sort of assistant in the nursery. Without his warrior duties, he has no distractions, and so he has to confront his grief. Especially so after he has a talk with Cinderheart, and he realizes that he’s just sad. Deeply sad. And he realizes what a horrible cat he’s been acting as. 

So, he decides he’s going to work through this. He doesn't want to be this cat, and while he may have screwed up with Dove and Ivy too badly already, he’s still going to work on himself. 

Of course, Breezepelt and Leafpool return to the clan, with Jayfeather (who’s changed his name to Galestream) and a fox Breezepelt has named Cardinal in tow. Lionblaze gets to talk with them, and he comes to realize he doesn't want to be a warrior anymore. He’s fought so much, shed so much blood already, and he doesn't want to do that anymore. 

So, he settles into the nursery full-time. Helping the queens with anything they need, and assisting the healer when necessary. 

He doesn't like to fight, even in the battle during The Last Hope, it brings him great pain to be fighting the spirits. So he won’t anymore. 

He apologizes to Dovewing and Ivyfang, who’ve now both moved away, and he recognizes that it's likely they won't ever forgive him. And he thinks that they don't have to. He would understand why they wouldn't, after all, he was terrible. 

They recognize that too, and they don't forgive him. But, they recognize he is trying, and they thank him for apologizing.

[symphonic-scream]

I would like to hear how he met them.

:)

This part of the au is, for the most part, the most angsty? And it's barely. Just cause I'm keeping everything else as, comfort feeling

SO HERE'S HOW EVERYONE MET AKIRA IN THE PHANTOM QUEERS AU

In chronological order

Futaba!

Futaba was already living with Sojiro when Akira got in trouble in his hometown. Sojiro was reluctant to take in a second kid while trying his best to parent Futaba, but they assure him he's doing great and they don't need all his time and attention

So Akira comes into their lives, and when he catches Futaba struggling to make ramen at 2 am, he gives them a hand and. Siblings for life

RYUJI

They met on the train first! They were standing beside each other, did the bro nod, went about their day. Then a day later they were both at the same beef bowl place. Another nod. Then the DVD rental. The restaurant. Fishing-

After a week they both decided destiny wanted them to be bros! Ryuji was crushing a bit at first too ngl

ANN

Ryuji introduced them! He invited Akira to Girls and Gays night (their night out drinking during uni) and that's when they all first found Crossroads! Akira was taken immediately and would return each night until Lala agreed to hire him, and it also cemented his friendship with Ann

Yusuke!!

He was wandering around looking for inspiration for a new portfolio piece between his first and second year, the theme being queer identities and young expressionism. So. He wandered into Crossroads and met Akira, or rather Aki-chan. Very early into drag too

After a night long conversation and a date set up for Akira to do a little modeling for Yusuke, he had him meet the others and it was history from there

GORO

There was a police investigation at Crossroads one fall. One of the regulars- an older business man -had been caught doing some insider trading and pretty much everyone associated with Crossroads had to be spoken to to see if they'd been spilled to

Akira was interviewed by the PI on retainer. In drag. They didn't get along at first, but once Akira dropped his Aki-chan act and was Stinky Crime Boy persona, well. Goro was quick to agree to meet up another time for a drink on the house

MAKOTO AND HARU!

So. This one is a little longer? And this is the. Angst part of the post but just a bit

Makoto was out with some of her classmates after a tough exam in their course when she runs into some old, acquaintances from middle school. From when she was just starting to transition. You can probably see where it's going

She ducks into Crossroads to get away, hands shaking as she texts Haru the address, with an apology for interrupting her later cooking class when Akira kindly guides her to a back table, getting her a glass of water

He's in drag, lays on the usual attitude but a little lightly, and Makoto mumbles out a "sorry I have a girlfriend" and he just "great. I have a boyfriend. Wanna gush about her to feel better?"

And when Haru bursts in looking for a shaken Makoto she finds her love half sloshed in a back booth with Akira, both half in tears as they share photos of their partners

They end up keeping in touch and even remaining friends!

And of course, Hifumi wanders into Crossroads trying to find herself. But that's been knew

[therealun-kamen-t]

😷 UnKamenThought #1: Start of Something New, Yet Familiar? 👾

So many thoughts I wanna just spill out onto something/somewhere. From how I've been feeling lately about my idea(s), future plans, what I feel like I messed up on, what I think I did great on (glitch brain go brr so this is vague and doesn't really dictate the order of how the subjects are brought up... BUT I will separate each topic somehow... NGL just been a lurker of Tumblr, never really and active participant, but we gon learn as we go)

See, UnKamenThoughts started off on my Twitter where I just have random thought I wanted to share to stir a conversation with mutuals and/or just people in the same/similar space of vtubing. Thought it was a clever idea for my name to be included with a hashtag I felt would be used a lot. And I certainly did use it a lot. But thing is about twitter is that it's limited and cuz of how limited it is, I felt like I was kinda annoying people with multiple tweets in a thread by myself.

<Segway into thoughts on social media> 👀

Kinda glad that twitter was shaken up cuz it forced a lot of us to look for alternatives... Some alternatives are buggy (maybe shut down rn... Miss you Hive), some are confusing to use currently (Mastodon when?), Some are finally getting some dust blown off it... (And then we saw all our old cringe and decided to just make a whole new account. Hello again tumblr and Instagram) and some are established things but I don't think is for everyone to have since it's kind of just paywalled off content without the implications of it being strictly 🔞 explicit content (that might be for another day) Other than that I've already talked about what I want to do with my other socials cuz I've been a big believer in making sure you have other means of getting reach to new eyes and such... Yet I'm a hypocrite and definitely just on twitter and twitch 😅 (but we growing slowly outta it... This and the couple IG posts I made are the first steps) and don't get me wrong I feel like I did a decent amount of growing... BUT being on just 2 places and inconsistent AF with a lot of what I do (more on that later) yeah the growth is a bit stagnant. Besides that bit... The rumblings of it helped kick my @$$ into gear to complete the Discord Server... It still needs some work but I'm proud of it and can't wait to house a lot of fun things there. Though I feel like I accomplished a decent amount... I'm not happy with how I carried out or flaked out on plans... Execution of a lot of things... Unsatisfactory.

<#NoSoloNovemeber/Rivalry Series/Streams>

I had this fun (basic) idea of every stream I do in November would be a collab. Now building off that to make it a little more impactful and interesting I'd Collab with someone new almost every stream. And then to finish it off towards the end I'd do a big Collab with anyone/everyone that came on before and some who weren't available at the time to join me for a final hoorah if No Solo November. At the either final stream or at the end of every stream for No Solo I'd give thanks to everyone who hung out with me and why I'm so thankful for them (cuz Thanksgiving and such). Now it's December 5th (started writing this like end of Nov 30th), and I did the base idea with the other bits in mind yet I did not plan a damn thing (besides one thing) so it kinda flopped on it's face... I failed to plan, so I planned to fail. I didn't manage my time properly to slot people in for specific days and specific games. I was really kinda sad that I didn't even just grab a bunch of people who were free for a big thing at the end... The biggest part I'm upset about was I didn't give thanks to those who deserved it most regardless if we streamed... Main point was to have fun and let my friends and inspirations know how appreciative I am of them existing and wanting to hang around me. *Sigh* it's fine... This is year 0 problems, next year will be a better year. Besides this is all reflection on what I can do better next time... Now onto the one thing I did plan:

RIVALRY SERIES -

🦊Kitsune V Kamen😷: Pokemon Scarlet/Violet

So Rivalry Series is just ya usual VS series between two people of course as they play a game together or adjacent to each other. Now it will always be ___ V Kamen cuz I do plan on having various people as my main rival for whatever game. Kitsune - @heyjanaebers is (currently in my plans) a reoccurring main rival of mine so it only made sense that I start it off with her. That being said we were going to have battles with wagers at certain points of the game... Somewhere in the start (after 1st gym?), Somewhere in the middle ("50%" of the game) and finally at the end (beaten main story and give prep time for the battle). Now again I failed to plan (further) so I planned to fail when it was time... We did not, in fact battle after the 1st gym... We rescheduled due to Reality things goin on for both of us... And cuz I got really into the game and without battle gyms I kinda leveled up a lot... So she had to catch up (my fault) and I had to kinda dawdle around while she catches up. Which gave me more pokemon to use so I still technically had a leg up... Anyways we battled well past the middle point... So next battle is the last battle (for the time being) so I'm definitely giving prep time for both of us... Granted, currently she is ahead of me. I know where I messed up with this, besides not thinking the idea fully through and mapping it out or just having some backup plans to level out the playing field for "scheduled" battles I think the mistake(s) lie in it being a new game and sometimes... You want to experience the game as much as possible and you don't wanna wait for anyone when you are in the thick of it... SO that being said I think should've had some failsafes for either of us getting ahead... Should've stuck to the script of doing these battles when they were supposed to happen... Or do what I thought of and kinda make poke-updates on my journey... Would be just smart to make fuggin content/videos... Record everything and trim down to the good stuff...

Anyways year 0 problems... Fixing it for the next year and next game(s) for Rivalry series...

<Wrapping this up>

Overall, I know these are great ideas... I know these could be amazing things for fun content. But I have to learn from these things; plan things out fully, prepare properly and make sure to execute things right if I wanna be satisfied with the result... NGL I want #NoSoloNovember to be something I'm known for and a lot of others do as well... that as well as other ideas whether I tried them or have yet to put into action. Besides that... I just need to manage things better overall, I think something's have suffered due to lack of proper management. Starting off December weird due to irregular stream times but I made this post which I want to be a regular thing here... Both things mentioned will be better. I will be better.

💛👾😷🖤

<L8r GL!7ch3s>

143

[s-brant]

Cherry Bowl (3/8)

(gif: @kiekiecarrera) (PART TWO) (PART FOUR) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: When Kie cancels their plans together, Y/N asks JJ on a date to the Cherry Bowl Drive-In. Unsure of how to navigate his first ever date, JJ seeks out advice. Unfortunately, the night doesn’t go as planned, and both parties are left shaken by miscommunication.

Word Count: 10.6k

Warnings: Smut, public sex/exhibitionism, sexual choking, angst, depictions of mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, and implied/referenced abuse.

A/N: Welcome back to Tokens! Slight trouble in paradise is brewing for these two lovers, so buckle up and read because it’s gonna be a rollercoster for a little while after what happens in this chapter. I hope you all like it, and if you did, feedback is very appreciated. Have fun!

"I'm just saying that oatmeal raisin is superior to chocolate chip, why is that such an egregious crime, Kie?"

The lunch room is filled to the brim with students going to town on questionably cooked frozen foods, soggy tater tots, and sugary drinks from the vending machines despite the Obama-era posters on the walls advocating for healthier school lunches that never seemed to make their way to Kildare County High. The extent of their healthy lunches extended to a serving of overcooked canned green beans served with the worst slice of doughy pizza known to human kind, so it was sort of contradictory.

Y/N sits across the table from Pope and JJ, the latter of which being the one who launched into a full-fledged debate with Kiara about which type of cookie was better.

The clear cling wrap sits, unfolded, on the table with one of her stickers neatly placed on the back of it. As consolation for his epic loss yesterday at the beach, she paid an extra .75 cents to get him it when she arrived first to their shared lunch period—one of only two class periods they have together, the other being gym. He was still in line when she peeled a surfboard sticker off of her sheet and placed it at the center of the wrapped up cookie as if to remind him of her triumph over him in the waves.

"Thanks, hot stuff," he said, voice somewhat quieter despite the fact that hardly anyone was in the cafeteria with them. Then his smile dropped into an deadpan expression as soon as he saw her choice of sticker and looked back up at her. "You're never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"Never in a million years. I'll be gloating about it until I'm elderly."

"That's my girl."

The sound of the constant chatter surrounding them from at least two hundred other people drowns out the memories of yesterday that threaten to haunt her when she watches him debate with Kie. The mere recollection of their night in the back of the van has her reaching to pull the collar of her cropped tee up to assure that the hickeys remain hidden on instinct, and he catches the action out of the corner of his eye. It has him fighting a smile.

Kie quips, "Maybe on another planet, but, here, I think we can all agree chocolate chip is better, right Y/N?"

Y/N's eyes widen around a forkful of mushy "green beans" at the sound of her name being said bringing her from the depths of her memories.

Usually, she's quick to jump in and give her two cents on whatever stupid back and forth they're all having, but her mind was elsewhere. Unbeknownst to Kie and Pope, she was mentally reliving every second of getting fucked in the van last night, so her attention to detail when it comes to the Chocolate Chip vs Oatmeal Raisin case isn't all too sharp.

"Uhhh," she stops for a second, looking at the half eaten chocolate chip cookie in Kie's hand, "If I say chocolate chip is better, can I get a piece of it?"

Kie's face lights up at her words, and she's already pulling off a generous chunk of the baked good to hand off to her. The sound of a certain someone whose lap Y/N's legs are outstretched onto from beneath the table scoffing distracts her from the first bite.

"I know you prefer oatmeal raisin, you traitor," JJ says.

Their brunette friend's brows scrunch.

"Why is she a traitor?"

They try to keep from making any faces or giving anything away, but Y/N has to stifle the sound of her choking on her mouthful of cookie at the question. You'd think one of them came out and asked if they were dating or something with how she reacts, and she feels JJ squeeze her ankle in a non-verbal way of telling her to hold it together. It was her idea in the first place, yet he's a lot smoother with keeping it under the radar.

Under it all, the aspect of keeping it a secret does unnerve him to a degree. He doesn't think he'd be brave enough to communicate it, especially not when their relationship remains undefined, but the darker side of his mind wonders...

He shrugs, saying, "Cause we were friends first. Duh. Other than John B, I've known her the longest."

None of them stop to acknowledge the identical aches in their hearts at the mentioning of his name. They skip right over it like it never happened. After the funeral a few days ago, they've filled their quota on mushy-gushy sad talk for the next week and a half.

The real reason is something far more complicated than him having a claim staked on her loyalty through having the longest friendship. It's something tied up in days of slowly getting pulled into one another's worlds like the tug of gravity itself, in how he has to refrain from slipping his arm around her waist in the hallway or kissing her goodbye after a sleepover at the Chateau. But until she gives him the go-ahead, he won't let it slip to anyone.

Pope speaks up from beside him, "You literally met her twenty minutes before we did."

"Still counts. Technically, I did meet her first, so her betraying Team Oatmeal Raisin is enough to be tried for treason in Pogue Court."

"Pogue Court isn't a thing."

He crosses his arms after he pops the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

"It is now. You can be tried for treason for breaking the rules. Rule number one is that all Pogues have to admit oatmeal raisin is superior."

He's about to ball up the cling wrap to throw away later when the surfboard sticker catches his attention again. It's the same color as his board, which he'd like to think is a result of her being an evil mastermind that went out to get this sticker sheet for the sole purpose of teasing him, but he's the one who got her the sheet as a gift for her birthday, so he knows it was pure coincidence.

Last second, he peels the sticker away from the cling wrap and looks down to place it over the top of her yellow converse that were once a vibrant, paler color when Big John got them for her, but have since turned into an ugly mustard/dirt-dusted color they heckle her over.

"What are the other rules?" Y/N asks.

One of the hands holding onto where her feet are casually planted in his lap, something that they've done long enough that their friends won't see it as anything odd, slides down to caress the stretch of skin beneath the frayed hem of her dark jeans. Something she didn't know about him before whatever it is they have together started was that he constantly needs to be touching her. She can't say she doesn't love it though.

Pope answers, "The oatmeal raisin rule is not official"—a pointed glance at JJ—"But I'd assume the rest of the rules of Pogue Court would be no lying and no macking."

"So, basically you two break almost every rule except the oatmeal raisin one, and I lie," JJ says and turns to look at her, "How does it feel to be better than everyone, Y/N?"

"Pretty good, not gonna lie."

He keeps caressing little circles and tracing up and down her skin beneath the flared out pant leg of her jeans while he swipes his phone off of the table top without attracting the attention of their friends, who continue on to a new topic. She isn't too focused on what it is. She only picks up that it has something to do with a class they're in that's more advanced that hers, so she promptly checks out of the conversation.

Ever since John B died, she hasn't been performing too well in school. She tries, truly tries, but her mind outright refuses to absorb any of the information. When she reads her assigned reading, she hovers over the same paragraphs over and over until she shuts the book in a huff and hides it in her backpack again. Losing someone you love has a surprising amount of side effects.

Her phone buzzing in her hand brings her away from the impending cloud of doom that often accompanies any thoughts of John B, and when she taps in her passcode, her brother's birthday, a message bubble appears with a banner displaying JJ's contact name.

JJ (Derogatory) ur a good liar. prob could've fooled me if i weren't the one macking on u

Their eyes meet for a second across the table, then he watches her thumbs move to type a response.

Kief Princess Little do they know I break every rule now that I've switched sides on the cookie debate. Kinda impressive ngl.

JJ (Derogatory) triple threat, baby

JJ (Derogatory) thanks for the cookie btw

She smiles to herself, so wrapped up in their own world that she doesn't notice everyone in the room starting to pack up their stuff in anticipation of the bell that is due to ring any second now.

Kief Princess Had to repay you for last night somehow ;)

When she glances up to see his reaction, she watches his chest rise with a particularly large inhale, and he chews on the inside of his lip in thought.

JJ (Derogatory) strategically bringing up last night so i'm turned on in physics? ur an evil mastermind

Kief Princess I try.

Kief Princess Apparently whooping your sorry ass at surfing isn't the only thing I'm good at.

She hears him scoff.

JJ (Derogatory) first of all, ouch. second, u barely beat me

Kief Princess I'm happy to challenge you to a rematch. I have plans with Kie tonight, so I can't till this weekend. All it'll prove is that I am the rightful winner, but we knew that already.

JJ (Derogatory) what r the stakes this time

Kief Princess No sexual favors. If you beat me (fat chance) I'll formally rejoin team oatmeal raisin.

JJ (Derogatory) :( sex makes it more fun but i still accept those conditions

JJ (Derogatory) team oatmeal raisin needs u, even if ur a traitor

Kief Princess Why bet sexual favors if you're just gonna fuck me after anyway?

JJ (Derogatory) good point

The sound of the bell ringing echoes through the cafeteria, and they both pop their heads up from their phone screens to see everyone, including Pope and Kie, already packed up and raising from their seats to scurry off in the direction of their next classes. Meanwhile, their stuff is all bestrewn across the table, particularly JJ's belongings.

The sight of Kie walking away makes Y/N ask after her, "We're still on for tonight, right?

She stops with Pope's hand interwoven in hers. The look on her face when she turns would make you think she got caught doing something she wasn't meant to. Something like forgetting about the plans they made last week to watch Fear Street together. The Cherry Bowl Drive-In is premiering the first two movies as a double feature for the horror movie buffs of Kildare, so they decided to get tickets. Kiara shares a fondness of horror movies with her. Since gory movies make the boys squirm, though JJ pretends they don't, it's their own thing.

"Actually, Pope and I were gonna go to the beach. I'm sorry."

JJ knows she's more upset about it than she lets on, but Y/N simply gives the pair a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

The sound of JJ behind her makes them laugh on their way out, diffusing the minor tension lingering in the air from the awkward encounter, "Use protection!"

After their friends offer them a goodbye, they gather their stuff quite leisurely, not really caring about being late.

It's something they've talked about before here or there: her feelings surrounding Kiara and Pope's sudden relationship. It's not as if she harbors any ill feelings for them, she doesn't, but the ripple effects of their pairing on the group, and more importantly the girls' own friendship, couldn't be clearer from her perspective. Between the missed hangouts, forgotten plans, and the convenient way she never seems to have time to hang out with her and JJ unless Pope is there too, it's been building up for a month now.

What makes it sting the most is how close her and Kie used to be. They didn't hit it off immediately the way she and JJ did as children until her thirteenth birthday when no one she invited showed up to the party Big John helped her set up in the yard of the Chateau.

She was the one who rallied the boys together to walk to ask their school friends from the year above to come hang out for an hour or two, promising a slice of the wonky-looking but delicious strawberry cake her and John B spent the morning crafting together. She can remember the sound of their high-pitched laughs and the cloud of flour that hung in the kitchen when they high-fived over the finished product like it was yesterday. In her heart, it was yesterday.

That night was when she fell in love with her friends, and that was when she first knew Kiara was her best friend. They wove friendship bracelets on each other that night and wore them for years until they withered away. No one had ever done something like that for her before. Not even JJ.

"You okay?"

Feeling his hand on her arm, slipping down to take her hand for a moment in the seclusion of the empty cafeteria, makes her glance up at him with a distinct sorrow washed over her features.

You know what? Screw this. Why should she be torn up over Kie and let it ruin her excitement for the double feature tonight? There's no way in hell she's letting her best friend ditching her for her boyfriend get in the way of her plans.

"Do you wanna go on a date tonight?" she asks him abruptly, then adds, "To the Cherry Bowl with me instead of Kie?"

The question sparks a pause in his mind, a halt of hesitation in which he worries about her avoiding having to answer what he asked, but he attempts to play it cool and not fuss over her outwardly. There have been times where being treated like that has made her feel suffocated, so he doesn't want to risk it. When she's ready, she'll talk about it, and if she takes too long and buries her feelings, then he'll intervene. For now, he tries to keep his face neutral despite the frown tempting his lips at her disappointment.

JJ looks around once more before throwing his arm around her shoulder to walk her out.

"You bet your ass I do."

What is a person supposed to act like on their first date that's not actually a date cause everything between them is the same, but kinda is a date because they called it one? If you ever find out, please find JJ and tell him because he has no clue.

Pope wasn't too much help in the Instagram group chat he made for it seeing as his and Kie's relationship is too fresh, John B isn't even alive, so he's out of service for advice unless there's Ouija Board he can borrow, and, thankfully, Kiara was his savior.

Their phones began blowing up as soon as he reached his class after lunch period ended. He couldn't under any circumstances let it be known that this mystery girl he had a date with was their friend, but thankfully Y/N already had the alibi of going to the Drive-In alone. All he had to do was make up a fake date scenario and get basic advice.

danknugstickiestickies added kiara-c and popeheyward to the groupchat

danknugstickiestickies named the group HELP ME

danknugstickiestickies i have a date with this chick i met on the beach when i was out with y/n last week. i need ur advice

His phone screen lit up with the notification that both of his friends were typing, signified with the three dot symbol bouncing in the bottom left corner as he thought it through. They couldn't possibly figure it out, right? They'd been careful, he'd been respectful of her wishes, and they'd been too busy together to notice anything new with them. He figured it would work. It was a risk, sure, but it was worth it to him. He didn't want to fuck this up with her.

Knowing her, she probably wouldn’t even treat it differently than any of their other hang outs. It's not like they haven't been romantic or sexual with each other. They've done everything but go out on an actual date, so why was he nervous?

kiara-c ummmm

popeheyward Yeah, I'm gonna need you to ELABORATE!!

kiara-c did hell freeze over? since when does jj maybank go out on dates??

danknugstickiestickies renamed the group hell froze over

kiara-c very funny, I'm laughing so hard 😐

popeheyward Do we know her?

danknugstickiestickies don't think u do. she moved here last week and hasn't enrolled in school yet. her name's steph

popeheyward What about Y/N though?

kiara-c ^^

JJ's chest muscles tightened with the question prompting a rush of anxiety that made his breathing feel slightly harder. He glanced up at his Physics teacher, who was essentially dozing off behind his desk with his hand in a bag of chips and an educational video on the projector as an excuse to not teach, and looked back down at his phone without the added stress of possibly getting his phone confiscated.

Pope's message might as well have been a sucker punch. Forget butterflies, he set a wasp’s nest loose inside of his stomach to tie it into knots and flip it every which way. His neglected textbook served as a prop for his phone to lean on as he set it down to think.

Did they know? As far as he was aware, they were getting away with it. No evidence, concrete or circumstantial, was there to prove it. At least the stress of the situation killed any chance of him being turned on by her reminder of last night in their messages. This shit was boner repellant of the highest degree.

He played stupid. Better to let them volunteer whatever information they had before he went in saying anything incriminating that they didn't already know. If anything would sour the experience of their first date, it would be him accidentally making their strange in-between relationship public behind her back.

danknugstickiestickies ?? what do u mean

Three dots bounced in the bottom left corner of his slightly cracked phone screen.

popeheyward ...

kiara-c I mean, you don't see it?

danknugstickiestickies see what

popeheyward I guess we were wrong, but all of us always thought you two had some feelings going on.

"You don't say?" JJ murmured sarcastically to himself under his breath. "Never crossed my mind, Pope."

danknugstickiestickies bro that's jb's little sister

kiara-c so?

danknugstickiestickies forbidden fruit? making john b roll over in his grave? do those ring a bell or am i speaking in tongues

He was already a proficient liar in real life, but, fuck, it was easy in text messages. There's no chance at deciphering facial expression or tone, just a plain message with no room to budge. Thank God he didn't do this in person with them. He could've survived, but it wouldn't have been as quick and painless as the group chat was.

kiara-c jeez, sorry

Pope didn't voice it, but he noticed something.

He looked up from his phone and stared off at the wall in thought in his AP European History class. It piqued his interest that JJ simply said she was off limits, forbidden fruit as he put it, but did not outright deny having feelings for her. In fact, he didn't even address the question. He made excuses for why he shouldn't have feelings for her, but he never said he didn't have feelings for her.

Kie did not notice. Not because she wasn't smart enough to either, but because she was too busy hiding her phone behind her backpack to think too deeply about it. Her teacher was one of those teachers that would flip shit if they saw a cell phone turned off and faced down on the desk, let alone being used by a student during a lesson.

In his classroom across the hallway, JJ bounced his leg up and down beneath his desk in an absentminded urge to release the built up energy the anxiety produced in an over abundance.

popeheyward Our bad then. Even John B thought y'all were sus lmao.

Since when was that a known fact? Could he tell? Did he talk to Pope about him and Y/N before he died? Either way, it wasn't the time to pry about it.

kiara-c yeah you guys honestly could've fooled me if you wanted to

danknugstickiestickies well thank u, glad ur invested in our friendship but

danknugstickiestickies please help, i have no fucking clue how to act on a date and this girl is too cool for me to screw this up

That was when they finally dropped the interrogation session and started offering up tips. The best ones came from Kie, which made sense to him since women are more likely to know what other women like than two dudes who share one collective brain cell and never had real relationships.

Rule One: Be ready to pick her up five minutes early.

He wasn't ready to pick her up five minutes early. His bike broke down by the time he made it halfway down his street, so he had to push it back up the road and into the yard before setting off on foot to reach the Chateau quickly enough. And by quickly enough, it means he got there five minutes late, not early.

Rule Two: Compliment her after you get in the car.

She tossed him the keys to the Twinkie from across the hood, not giving him the chance to open the door for her, and it wasn't until they were setting off down the road that he remembered the next piece of advice he was given.

Side-eyeing her in his peripheral vision, he tried to find something to compliment her on specifically rather than the general compliments about her being pretty that she never fully believes when he says them. He was intending to say something about the skirt she had on, but when he chanced a glance over at her, she caught him and asked—

"What is it?"

Sent into panic mode, JJ blurted out instead, "I like your shoes."

He could've bashed his face against the steering wheel twenty times right then and there at the utter absence of reaction on her part for the next few uncomfortable seconds. It wasn't that it was a bad compliment. She appreciates any compliments at all...but her shoes were hidden from his view. Not to mention, they were the dirty, mustard yellow converse that the Pogues bash on a daily basis.

She laughed, lifting her leg to expose the sneaker on her right foot, and asked, "These? Dude, you roast me for these all the time. You and John B said they look like Big Bird shit on them."

The skin on the apples of his cheeks scorched hot with embarrassment, and he was never so glad that the overhead lights in the van were burnt out until that moment. He would've died on the spot if she saw him blush like that, face flushed pinker than sunburn. All he could do to save himself was murmur something about the color growing on him and keep driving in the direction of the theater with his hands white-knuckling the steering wheel he fantasized about banging his face into.

Rule Three: Insist on picking up the check.

In this case, it meant insist on buying the popcorn and drinks, and he miraculously managed to drop his wallet somewhere along the way when he ran over to the Chateau, so when he stepped up to the makeshift concession stand with her standing at his side, he felt around for his wallet in his jeans to no avail.

His thoughts echoed back to him, You gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously? Is this actually happening right now?

"JJ, it's honestly fine," she said softly as he leaned over to search back of the Twinkie for the wallet. "We can look for it on your street right now if you want. It has your ID and stuff, you don't want a stranger to have that. We don't need to stay—"

It took all of his control to not shout it in reaction when he said, "No way. You've been waiting for this, and Kie ditched you, so I ain't ditching you too. We're staying."

His wallet could go kick rocks.

He came too far to be dragged down by the old leathery piece of shit anyway. Would he go out and search for it tirelessly the second the date ended? Hell yeah, that fucker had twenty dollars and his debit card in it, but he couldn't bear the thought of abandoning her or ruining her anticipated movie night by taking her out to search the streets with their phone flashlights for a wallet they might not find. He'd wait till the movies ended, take her home, then haul ass around the Cut searching for it after.

Thankfully, he found a couple bucks crumbled up in his front pocket while she scavenged for coins in the glove compartment, and they came up with enough to buy a water bottle and small popcorn to share together.

Rule Four: Don't have sex on the first date.

And it may sound easy enough to not act like a complete Neanderthal for the length of two movies, but the girl makes it pretty damn difficult if he's to say so himself.

That's what led him here, laying in the back of the sideways-parked Twinkie in the farthest corner of the outdoor theater with her practically on top of him. In any other instance, he wouldn't be opposed in the slightest, but with the cursed fourth rule in mind, he isn't too thrilled with the feeling of her hand rubbing up and down his thigh.

It isn't even meant to be sexual. They're constantly touching one another this way. She'll even slip her hands up under his shirt just to feel the warmth of his skin or when he asks her if she can get an itch on a part of his back he can't reach, but for some reason his brain is short circuiting right now.

The thing is, when Kie and Pope said he shouldn't do it on the first date, they meant it for his and Steph's made up circumstances, not his and Y/N's full-blown relationship without labels. When you've had sex with someone as many times as they have with each other, the hesitancy on the "first date" is nonexistent. It doesn't matter. But JJ, trying to follow the advice given to him to the letter for the sake of being the date she deserves, doesn't think about it that way.

It shouldn't be this nerve-wracking. They've been best friends since they were children, they've been flirting since they found out what basic attraction was in the first place, and they've been forming this relationship ever since John B died. Why can't he relax? Why is this so different compared to how easy it felt between them yesterday on the beach or today at lunch?

Rule Five: Be yourself.

It takes him another few moments of laying here with her before he realizes quite abruptly what went wrong in a quick flash of a thought that brings the fifth rule back to him. The problem wasn't the bike, or the weird compliment about her Big Bird sneakers, or the lost wallet.

The problem is him. The problem is that he's trying way too hard to make this something it isn't. The part about them that he adores so dearly is how they never have to try when they're together. With any other girl or guy, they'd have to fake something or act a certain way, yet when they're together, they can simply exist and everything is runs smoothly. That's not to say they don't disagree or bump heads, they do, but short of those outlier moments, it's easier than anything else they do in life.

His eyes flicker away from the screen for the first time since the movie began, which, by the way, is gruesome enough at times that he had to divert his eyes to prevent himself from seeing it happen. They land on where she lays, completely content with the night in spite of its mishaps, with her head propped up on the pillows they brought from the Chateau.

He wonders if she can tell he's acting differently. Surely she must notice. She's the type of person that typically never misses a thing, perfect for the gold hunt they went on in the summer with picking up the clues and helping her brother unravel the mystery, so maybe she noticed how flustered this date has him. Does it bother her? Does he bother her?

With a confirming glance back up at the movie to see nothing important happening, he can't fight the urge to speak anymore.

"Can I tell you something?"

His voice appearing through the darkness of the shut off van after spending the past half hour in complete silence makes her jolt at first before realizing who it was. Though she loves horror movies, she can't claim to not be affected by them. The night she falls asleep after watching one, she often finds herself compelled to turn a light on and keep her feet from dangling off the edge of the bed. It's worth the fear, though.

When she turns to look at JJ, there's a warm smile on her face. She's cuddled into his side with a hand placed casually atop his thigh, caressing with no purpose or intent, and her movement halts when the light from the movie on the projector allows her to see the expression on his face.

Anxiety has become an increasingly significant presence in his life with the recent events in mind; John B and Sarah, the four-hundred million dollars they lost out on, and dodging his father whenever he sneaks home to switch out the backpack of clothes and personal belongings he keeps at the Routledge house.

It manifests itself in jittery nerves, stomach pains, shortness of breath, and, at worst, panic attacks striking either at random or in response to a specific trigger. It's one of the few things he still tries to hide from her, and she tries not to push him too hard with opening up about it.

She abandons the movie for the time being and rolls onto her side to face him, upper body propped up on her elbow as she examines his face with downturned features.

"Of course," she says.

The words left unsaid are, "You can tell me anything. Whenever you need someone to listen, or to talk to about shit, you can tell me." He's heard her say it enough that he doesn't need to hear it now to know it's true.

There's a pause, then—

"I feel like I fucked this entire date up," he starts to ramble and cuts her off before she can think about saying what she wants to, "and I know it's okay to you. You have way too high of a tolerance for my bullshit, and I've been trying so hard to make this perfect, but all that did was screw it up."

She's left quiet for a second, taking it all in.

Maybe if he hadn't been so anxious about it, he would've realized what was wrong with his bike when he rode it home from school, or he would've noticed his wallet fall out of his pocket. The point is, he wishes he hadn't let the label attached to this freak him out so much. He isn't sure why it does, but it does.

But she doesn't do what he expects. She isn't drowning him in reassurances and, "It's okay's" because she knows he doesn't care for them much. When he, the most stubborn person she knows, apologizes for something he did, he doesn't want it to turn into the person accepting the apology coddling him.

Y/N sighs.

"Is that why you've been acting so different all night? I scared you with the whole ‘date’ thing, didn't I? It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be."

What she doesn't know is that he wants it to be a date. He wants it to be a date so badly, he risked Pope and Kie finding them out for the sake of getting some proper advice on it, and now he's caught up in the same game of tug and war in his mind that always occurs when he wants to tell her the truth about his feelings for her.

Part of him doesn't understand why he doesn't outright say it. With every other girl he once showed interest in, he had no issues in letting them know he wanted them, but this is different. This isn't simply wanting someone, he thinks he's fallen for her. But whenever he says he's gonna grow a pair and tell her after all this time, he chokes. Involuntarily, he's reminded of his parents. Other than his friends saying it platonically, the only people to tell him they loved him were them, and with how they treated him, he sure as hell doesn't think that is love.

From his dad's brutal physical abuse to his mom's abandonment, he's too timid to tell her he loves her because of what could happen if she loves him back. Everyone else that has said that to him has either hurt him, died like John B did, or abandoned him.

He won't let that happen with him and Y/N. What they have, albeit undefined and codependent, is safe. It's the only thing he has left. Maybe it isn't right, and maybe he should open up about it to communicate the correct way, but somewhere in the misshapen logic of his mind, he correlates love to abandonment. And he doesn't want that to happen with her.

There are two sides of him at battle inside his mind. One side, the side that wants to do right by their relationship and actually communicate his feelings for once in his life, wants him to tell her everything. The other side, the side that responds based on the history of his past, wants him to hide it all.

"Will you be mad at me if we don't call it a date?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

The heavy sensation inside of JJ's chest nears a point of vitriolic violence against him as he starts to realize what he's doing to her, clearly letting her down, but he can't stop himself. Like a passive witness watching himself from outside of his body, the instantaneous trauma response to the sudden confrontation of his true feelings for her guides his actions without his permission. It shuts down any protest he has.

The sound of the movie fills the gap of silence between them the entire time. It’s a variety of bloodcurdling screams and disgusting sounds that would've made him gag if he weren't as distracted.

They can make out each other's faces through the darkness, but barely. It takes a flash of bright color from the film or a nearby car's lights turning on for them to fully see one another. Without the other knowing, they both put masks of calm and collected coolness on their faces despite the feelings raging beneath the surface—more so on his part than hers.

"Maybe," he says, pausing, "we should just keep things the way they've been."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, a soul-crushing amount of disappointment weighs her down. She said it was fine if he doesn't want it to be a date—and it is, she would never hold it against him—but that doesn't mean it can't hurt her. Things have been going so well, she almost thought...If tonight went well, she was thinking about no longer keeping it a secret, but if he said he wants things to stay the same, then maybe he isn't as ready for it as she is?

Meanwhile, JJ is on another page entirely.

She's embarrassed of being with you, a familiar voice in the back of his head croons. She's gonna leave just like everyone else does. If she doesn't even wanna tell your friends, why should you pretend you're dating?

The internal comments are the type that cause him to physically grimace when he's alone. Intrusive thoughts are just that: intrusive.

Sneaking into the guarded sanctuary of a person's mind, they set out to convince them the opposite of their reality. The only thing is, where most people's minds are guarded sanctuaries with walls of impregnable defense, his mind is the equivalent of a fortress blown to smithereens. The castle walls lay in rubble, the guards no where to be seen, and the path for these thoughts to slip past and straight to the vulnerability of his mind is left wide open.

In the privacy of his room, these thoughts attack him the most at night when he tries to fall asleep—when things get too quiet. With nobody around, when they get this bad there's nothing he can do except break down. It builds from the mere anxiety of attempting to force the thoughts away to full-blown panic attack mode. The more he resists them, the more aggressive they become. He'll gasp for air with tears streaming down his face, hitting his head with the heel of his hand as if that'd do something to stop his relentless mind.

But he can't afford to react in front of her, so the extent of his reaction is a subtle twitch of his face that she cannot see in the momentary darkness before the movie switches to another scene a second later. In a way, it does make the thoughts go away to have her here preventing him from spiraling alone. Having to focus on her keeps his mind away for moments at a time until the thoughts ease their grip on him.

When she hasn't answered for a while, he asks, terrified that he did something bad, "Are we good?"

The question seems to wake her up, snapping her out of the lonely direction her thoughts went into when he "rejected" her. It takes every bit of common sense she has left to force herself to understand that this doesn't mean he doesn't want her. He does, and not calling this a date doesn't mean they won't be together in the way they have been since John B's death, but she isn't perfect. She gets as unsure and insecure as he does.

As if the cloud of doom was lifted off of her, she makes her face lighten where she lays on her side next to him. Seeing this expression makes his chest feel less heavy, and he could let out a sigh of relief at the realization that he didn't break her heart and stomp on it. He should've known. Y/N is the sweetest person he knows, so she never would've flipped shit over him not wanting to label this as a date. That's not how she is.

And he's partly right. It isn't how she is. She would never hold it against him if he didn't want something further with her since she got herself into this position by pursuing him with his reputation with girls in mind, but she can't ignore it. Whether she wants it to or not, it had its affect on her as soon as he said it.

She leans in to kiss him, their lips meeting in the middle with the faint taste of popcorn salt mingling at the soft peck.

When she pulls away, she brushes the hair back from his face and says, "Don't worry. Nothing can change how I feel about you."

She has no clue what it feels like to hear that from her.

Despite the turmoil they unknowingly share beneath the surface due to this conversation, he could cry hearing her say it. It doesn't feel real to him that she feels the same way he does about her, because nothing could change how he feels about her either. That’s why he manages to work up the courage to repeat it back to her, and, for now, this is the closest he's physically capable of coming to telling her the truth.

"Ditto," he says.

It isn't what she wanted, but it's close enough, and if she dwells on this any longer, she might start getting too emotional and let the urge to tear up become too strong. Why does she have to be this sensitive? It's no secret that it's remarkably easy to make her cry, but this is insane to her. When all of this began with him, she didn't give a shit about him not wanting a label. She understood him, and she understood that he doesn't do this kind of thing, so why has it changed? Why doesn't she want to keep it a secret anymore? Why does she want this to be a date when she knows he doesn't want it to be?

Pulled by an invisible string back to him to silence her mind, she leans in to kiss him again with a hand cupping the back of his neck to guide him the rest of the way to her.

It shouldn't be laced with any sexual intention. She should be kissing him simply because she wants to, and, in a way, she is. Their kisses and touches are never lacking the motivation that is their underlying connection and mutual feelings for one another, but this is not the same. As he kisses her back with as much confidence and passion as always, she is reeling from the conversation that reminded her too much of a breakup.

It takes another minute of this for the kiss to heat up, their breathing becoming shallower in the moments they part to inhale, and she is undeniably the one instigating when she officially crosses the line between casual and sexual by crawling onto his lap. It's not hard for him to pick up on when their innocent moments take a turn. She's easy to read in that regard, and this has happened a multitude of times with them, so the shift of a mini make out session turning into something more is nothing out of the ordinary for them.

If he knew how shaken she is on the inside, he'd never want this. And the same would go for her if she knew what he was thinking before this. Neither of them wants to admit what they're feeling.

With her legs seated on either side of his hips, she kisses him like it's the last time she'll ever get the opportunity to. Her hands wander wherever they can, pulling at his shirt and feeling him up as his hands guide her hips to move against his in a steady grinding that she has no issue partaking in. It's an eagerness he hasn't seen from her in weeks. She's never un-excited when it comes to being physical with him either, but this is another level. The last time a girl was all over him like this, it was desperate touron at a party a few months ago.

In the span of time it takes her to glance over her shoulder to see if anyone could see them and reach to pull her skirt up until it bunches around her hips—no one can see them, by the way, since they got here late and were forced to cram the van into the back corner of the lot with no street lights illuminating the path—his brows raise at her presumptuous behavior. Not that he's one to complain, however, seeing as he's typically the one doing what she is.

Their next kiss clashes their teeth hard enough to make them wince, but he loves it. It makes him smirk into her parted mouth, alive with both the feeling her reassurance provided and the fuzzy-headed high that often finds him when they're together in this way. Incomparable to past flings or the high related to any drugs, she is the peak of everything to him. It's no contest.

His chest stutters against hers with a bout of amused laughter, asking within a brief pause in what feels like the most JJ thing he's said this awkward night, "Two for two in the Twinkie. What's gotten into you?"

Y/N's hand dips between where their bodies move together to unclasp the closed buckle of his belt in one smooth motion that has it falling apart with a clinking noise.

Her features are set with a look that tells him she means business. Whatever it is that sparked this, he wonders how the fuck to make it happen again another time. She's begged for it before, but never taken control so dominantly, and he can't deny what the role reversal does to him. The evidence is obvious in the distinct hardness she feels pressing up against the hand undoing his jeans.

"I was hoping it'd be you," she says, voice breathless and airy from the constant contact in a way that makes it ten times hotter for him.

If there were any chance of him not being in the mood prior to this, which wasn't the case anyway, it's gone now. He never wants to hear her say she doesn't deliberately try to tease him ever again.

He doesn't need to be told twice.

JJ surges forward to capture her mouth with his, this time with no intention of pulling away to breathe or speak again. No, he'll let himself get lightheaded and dizzy if it means he can stay with her for as long as possible.

With the circumstances of it all, them being visible to someone if they happened to pass by the open door of the van, they move at a pace quicker than usual. She's immediately helping him shimmy his jeans and underwear far enough down his hips to free his dick from the confines of his clothes, making him sigh out a breath of relief when her hand brushes against him in the process.

There's no opportunity to slow down, it has exploded into a full-throttle speed race that neither of them can halt.

His hand blindly flies out beside him to grope the floor of the van for the set of keys he tossed carelessly to the side once the movie started, eyes shut in the midst of the hot, messy kiss they share. His fingers find the fabric of one of the blankets they brought in case they got cold, then drifts again and lands on her Big Bird sneakers until he feels the sharp metal of her keys meet his calloused palm.

After the events of last summer, she bought a switch blade to keep on her key ring alongside the keys to the van, HMS Pogue, and Chateau. She may not like violence or weapons, seeing as she was a skeptic of JJ keeping the gun alongside her friends, but she saw it necessary. Between Rafe, Topper, and Kelce, how could she leave the safety of her and her friends up to chance knowing what some of the kooks did to them not long ago? What happened to Pope on the golf course alone was enough to make her skin crawl.

Right now, though, the knife flips out from the pressure of his thumb pushing the button to release it. He holds it out away from her at first to assure it doesn't nick her in the process, then uses his other hand to tug the side of her panties that hugs her hip far out enough to press the sharp side of the blade onto the inside of it.

She can hardly believe what she's watching as JJ cuts the delicate maroon underthings from her body as if he were doing something so normal, like it's something he's done before. Her forehead is pressed against his, her mouth parted both in shock and in a need to pant for oxygen, and she watches the knife ruin her favorite panties. The stitches come apart with a satisfying ripping noise that can hardly be heard over the sound of people reacting to the movie in the background.

Other customers of the Cherry Bowl Drive-In are too glued to the screen as a beloved character is chased down, reacting in shouts when she's seized by the killer and shoved onto the table of an industrial bread slicer, so they remain wholly unnoticed.

The lace, now ripped in half, dangles on the tip of the knife when he lifts it away from her, tosses it aside, and presses the button once more to retract the blade. It clatters to the floor, but is in no way forgotten with them resuming in a desperation to keep going until they both satisfy the need clawing at them from the inside. But her sense of need is different from his, and even with the fresh memory of him with the switch blade in mind, she's still somewhere else the whole time.

Her mind is faraway, muted through layers of sadness, anger, and disappointment as he reaches between them to line himself up to her entrance. The sensation of him running his cock, hard and messy with a few drops of precome, through her dripping pussy to coat it in her slick arousal is enough to make her moan pathetically. Yet when he's about to guide himself inside of her, she stops him.

"Wait, wait, wait," she breathes out rapidly, heart pounding so hard she can feel herself pulsating between her thighs, "Condom."

They were so antsy to get to it, they almost forgot.

"Fuck," he curses under his breath, and his eyes flicker from where they were trained between their bodies to glance back and forth around the van before it hits him. "I lost my wallet..."

But right when he thinks their public rendezvous in the back of the Drive-In is over due to his unfortunate mistake, she shakes her head and slips away from her perch astride his lap to crawl over to her bag.

She fumbles with the old tote bag and plunges her arm in to sift through the hodge podge of things that are purely Y/N in nature—stickers, glitter pens, a half-eaten bag of candy, etc—for the square foil package she decided to toss in before she left just in case. She usually doesn't keep them on her because he never fails to have one, but, thankfully, she had the random instinct to bring it tonight.

The only thing to bring her out of her cloudy, malevolent storm of feelings when she settles back onto his lap with the condom wrapper ripped open for him is him saying, "So you planned this, huh?" with his mouth tipped in a familiar self-satisfied grin.

She didn't plan it. In fact, she threw herself at him the second she sensed him withdrawing from her and can't stop herself despite the fact that she constantly feels two seconds away from letting a tear slip down her cheek. If that counts as "planning it", then sure.

"Maybe so," she answers, cool, calm, and collected—the antithesis of the truth.

They usually don't lie to each other.

They're thrown right back into it without any other hiccups once he rolls the condom on, and he takes in a shaky breath at her hand wrapping around him to align their bodies up. Before she can do anything, though, he takes chance to swipe the blanket he found a moment ago and wrap it around her back to keep her covered in case they get caught.

Y/N sinks down onto his cock with her lip caught between her teeth to stifle the sound that threatens to escape. JJ, on the other hand, doesn't bother concealing the sound of the groan he makes at the sensation of having her wrapped around him like this. The tension in her entire body from the anticipation and the looming threat of being seen by someone has her squeezing him so tightly, he can't help but be a little louder than he should.

Her soft palm slaps over his mouth with enough pressure to force his groan to quiet itself, and she watches his pretty blue eyes widen in reaction to the dominant action. Who is this girl and what has she done with his sweet, submissive Y/N? Don't get him wrong, he is very turned on by it, but it's unlike her to take the lead this way. He can't figure it out.

"What's wrong, angel?" she asks in a whisper into his ear, her hand over his mouth and her hips starting to slowly rock against him, "Watch the movie."

Once the words leave her mouth, she drops her hand, just in case he wants to stop and can't say anything because she had his mouth covered, and JJ is pretty sure he's died and gone to heaven.

He doesn't watch the movie, not at all, because he's too busy watching her. For someone losing their mind internally, she does not let it show, nor does she let it distract her from what's happening. If anything, the distraction in this situation is the sex, not what's going on inside of her head.

There's a moment of adjustment and going as slowly and gently as possible while waiting for the dull pressure of feeling him inside of her to fade away, but, for the most part, she doesn't waste any time. As soon as she feels comfortable enough with the ache between her thighs giving way to a spark of pleasure when she grinds her clit down on his pubic bone, she starts to ride him at a better pace than the initial slow movements of her hips.

She raises herself up and takes him again inch by inch, enjoying the sense of fullness she gets from having to fit him in spite of the slight discomfort at first, and she could swear that he'll leave bruises in the shape of his handprints with how tightly he clutches her hips. It's all he can do to prevent himself from moaning or saying something, ever the vocal lover she's come to know.

Unless his mouth is preoccupied like it was on the beach yesterday afternoon, JJ is usually impossible to shut up, especially in this context. With him always whispering dirty things to her, whether it be praises, pet names, or plans on what he wants to do to her, she has come to find it breathtakingly hot. He could likely get away with saying something if he wanted to, but he isn't sure he wants to risk it. If he opens his mouth to spew something filthy to her, he won't trust himself not to make a louder, different kind of noise that won't fit in the with background audio the other moviegoers are listening to.

The wet sound of their bodies colliding that fills the space of the van is drowned out by the loud and violent sequence occurring on the screen far ahead of them, and hearing it makes her bounce herself on him a little harder. She's fueled on by it all, and, strangely, what happened before she practically pounced on him is the main contributor.

Similarly to the nature of his intrusive thoughts, the harder she resists the memory of how it felt when he told her he didn't want this to be a date, the more forceful it is in its return. Her eyes trail down to watch where they connect with her forehead pressed to his, then she's thrown back into the feeling of helpless disappointment and insecurity. His head tips back against the window with his bottom lip dropped open and his brows furrowed just enough to create a crease on his forehead, and she's bombarded with the look of relief on his face when he realized he didn't have to be tied down to her with a label.

It makes her want to get rougher, harder, and she doesn't even care if it'll make her sore later on. She presses herself down so far every time she slides down on his cock, her teeth draw blood on her lip with how hard she must bite it to remain quiet. The pain of her hipbones rubbing against his doesn't even matter to either of them at this point. They're both too lost in the pleasure that has begun to take control of them to care about something as minuscule as that, or the burn in her thighs from the repetitive physical strain.

She grabs his wrist and brings his hand between them, flattening hers overtop of it and pressing down on the base of her abdomen in the midst of the increasingly feverish thrusts.

"Feel you here," she murmurs to him through a quiet moan, hoping he can hear it over the movie, and pushes down on his hand for emphasis. And if the way he reacts by cursing under his breath tells her anything, it's that he picked up on it. "JJ..."

He reaches out to grab her by the throat with his free hand and tug her forward to kiss him, as if something inside of him snapped in response to her doing that. The motions of her jolting up and down throws the already messy and uncoordinated kiss off-kilter, but they don't mind. It has them separating every time she lifts up, producing this heady little head rush from from them breathing in each other's air without actually letting their mouths meet in the middle.

Though they're trying their hardest not to alert anyone outside of what's happening, it didn't occur to him until now, when his eyes catch John B's old bandana swinging back and forth where it's secured around the rear view mirror.

They're worried about moaning while the entire fucking Twinkie is rocking with their movements. Well, at least it makes good use of the corny sticker he gifted John B last year as a gag gift. He tried to peel it off after JJ snuck it onto the side window to no avail. So, now Y/N is stuck with a sticker on her car reading, "If the van's a-rockin', come on in, we like orgies," rather than the more common phrase.

It almost makes him start laughing, and he prays no one takes that shit seriously, 'cause he is never intent on sharing this breathtaking girl. Ever.

Y/N isn't anywhere near laughing like he is, in fact, she's finding it difficult to keep herself together. She feels her eyes sting with the promise of tears, and she's never felt so pathetic before. Is she seriously about to cry during sex? Is she really that girl that is so ill-equipped to handle rejection, she can't get through it without tears?

She won't cry. Perhaps if he sees how glossy her eyes have become in a rare moment of good lighting, she can blame it on the hand around her throat putting pressure on the sides of her neck.

The worst part about her being near to crying is the timing of it.

The emotion of what she feels mentally mixes with the swirling, building sensation she feels in the pit of her stomach that tells her she's close to going over the edge, and it's so overwhelming. Was she imagining that their friendship had changed? More importantly, is this all she'll ever be to him? Sex is the only thing she's sure of with him, it's the only thing that doesn't require deeper emotions, and when the ground beneath their fragile relationship felt shaky...

He can feel her starting to unravel, and he knows that he'll come before she does if he doesn't do anything now, so he decides to take control.

JJ pulls the hand he had resting on her abdomen away as though he were burned by it, wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her body against his and using the hand around her neck for leverage to thrust up into her, effectively reducing her to a teary-eyed, moaning mess atop him. They both stopped caring about making noise the second he began to fuck her like this.

She cries out in ecstasy at the sudden change in pace and depth that has him hitting all the right places. Every time he thrusts up into her, just as rough as she wished for, the tip of his cock nudges into that perfect spot inside of her that makes her incapable of silencing her moans. This time, it's JJ that puts his hand over her mouth, letting the one he had around her neck move away to keep her from alerting everyone around them of what's happening.

There's nothing she can do to stop her climax as it barrels through her in its initial sweeping wave of bliss to contrast the venomous doubts in her mind. She's never felt such conflicting, yet powerful feelings before—the intensity of the physical pleasure that makes her whine into the palm of his hand, then the part of her mind replaying every word he said in their conversation before this.

Her body is rigid and tense through it all, squeezing down around his cock with the involuntary spasms of her orgasm, and he can't help himself anymore. All it takes are a few more frantic thrusts for him to bury himself inside of her one last time and spill into the condom, uncovering her mouth so he can drown out his own groans into a kiss.

Their skin sticks to their clothes on the inside with sweat from the exertion of their actions, and he can feel her stomach tremble where it presses up against his with each undulation of her hips that meet his as he rides it out.

But even with the added distraction of the sex, she can't rid herself of the feeling that started plaguing her as soon as things went awry. That was why he was acting weird all night. He must have been so worried about her thinking this was anything more than their typical hangouts that he couldn't bring himself to act normally.

She forces herself to look happy when they pull away from the kiss, panting, and JJ, unaware of what she's been thinking, doesn't notice the small deception.

Tag list: @gabiatthedisco

[ryoskuna]

⭑ shaken, not stirred. | bartender!sukuna au.

notes: this thought of bartender!sukuna has been in my head for weeks, but it’s when my mom was giving me a lecture while i was thinking of sketching him as bartender that solidified the fact.  this may become a series thing, and you’re also welcomed to ask questions about this au (please do, it is one of my new favorite things). also i have no idea what reader will be in this au-verse, but i’m thinking a law student (am i self-projecting... perhaps), but i’m open to y’all’s suggestions and can do headcanons for whatever kind of reader y’all want to see. additionally, did i screenshot that picture for the banner from episode 14 bc i thought he looked extra good?? yeah... i did.

warnings: like... mild nsfw via music suggestions, mentions of drink tampering but not from sukuna 

bonus: there’s a playlist that goes with this, here.

taglist: @lethargicyashi, @night-rook, @izuniias, @skys-luce-stellare​, @skys-luce-stellare​

there’s something about 6′4 sukuna shaking a cocktail shaker to toxic by britney spears that just.... chef’s kiss.  no i will not elaborate, just think about it.

sometimes, you think he’s taller than 6′4, but that’s just his platform doc martens.

god, the man chewing on a thin stirring/cocktail straw or just holding it in his jaw, in between his teeth and watch his lips purse around it. he’ll take it out to talk, of course.

the waist apron he wears only emphasizes his shoulder-to-hip ratio

the best seat in the house is literally anywhere you can see him??? like behind him, you can see his back muscles flex, but in the front, you can see his tattoos on his chest peeking out from the fact that he is not going to ever button the top two buttons on his shirt. also, he leaves his sleeves pushed up to his elbows on most nights

tongue piercing, check. both of his ears are pierced, but he tends to change up whether he has just one in or both. 

you find out about the tongue piercing when he does his taste-testing of the drinks he mixes, via the straw drop (take a black plastic straw, dips the straw into the glass, covers the unsubmerged straw end with his index finger to create suction, lifts the straw to his lips, releases his index finger, and "tastes" the cocktail). usually he’ll put the straw in his mouth, but if he notices you’re watching, well, there goes the tongue piercing.

he wears rings, constantly. at least two, one on each hand.

he is a megan the stallion fan (and nicki minaj too, but i digress) and knows most of the words to her songs. his personal favorite is crybaby, and you being his s/o, well, he’ll sing it word for word to you while making drinks at home. he leans in and whispers the real intense/filthy parts like (”uh-uh, don’t fuck me like that fuck me like this”) yeah. he looks like he’s talking normal, but the way his voice drops more and he whispers??? goodbye world. 

sometimes he likes to tease too much while he’s singing and will lean in to lick the shell of your ear or maybe nip your earlobe, who knows

and then he’ll pass your drink like nothing ever happened

also has doja cat on his playlist, but yuji is to blame for that

cherry knot tying king

casual friday for the staff at said bar/establishment, and he’s coming in jeans and a loose tank top, you know, the ones with the drops on the sleeves on the sides??

sukuna is extremely aware of what’s happening in the room at all times. some creep hitting on someone? intervene.  someone trying to spike a drink?? he catches them in the act.  someone spiked a drink???? he just looks at the recipient, tells them to switch with him, and before they can say anything, they have a new, safe drink while he has the tampered one. 

does he grab offenders whether they’re being following creeps, coming on too strong, or trying to tamper with drinks by the scruff of their necks and carry them out personally? yes, yes he does. if you’re there, he’ll wink at you before he gives him a kick on the ass for good measure as he pushes them out the door.

he makes custom drinks for people, like he’ll ask what’s your preference in taste like sweet, strong or whatever, plus two other questions that seem unrelated but he’s managed to make the perfect drink for you 

again, he’s highly aware of his surroundings, so if you’re looking at his back, he knows, and will look over his shoulder to smirk at you, looking you right in the eyes.  (SHEESH)

thinking of him coming in on one of his days off with a ballcap and a tight, dry fit t-shirt on, so by the time he’s working, his hair is a lil messy, and you better thank heaven for that dry fit t-shirt because MUSCLES BABE

is working on his own lil drink recipe book, which means you either get to be his taste tester, or taste it when he kisses you 

this man knows he’s hot, he’s a smug shit about it, and works it to his favor. does he tie cherry knots at work because the women at the bar go crazy and give him extra tips?? yes

but if you’re there, oh sweetheart, he’s actually going to give you the cherry before putting the knot in his mouth to tie, BYE 

also.... hehe, had to mention this but uh... you could bounce a quarter off that ass of his 

he comes home from a late/graveyard shift, and just crawls into bed, smelling like syrup and cologne, just... run your fingers through his hair and he’ll be out in a few minutes

occasionally, he will sleep on the couch as not to disturb you, but the man really is too big to be sleeping on a couch.

if his shift starts at 6, he comes in at 5, hair a little damp from the shower he just took, and in a clean dry fit shirt and tight slacks or dark colored jeans. he’ll either work in the dry fit shirt, or he has a button up he can change into in the back

also??? really decent and will help you get stains out of your clothes if it’s something he can swing to clean in the sink like a shirt

otherwise, he’ll write what you need on a napkin and pass it to you

fucking hates white claws with a passion, ngl

during particularly slow moments at work, you might be able to catch him plucking a few cords on the guitar that sits on stage or poking around with the piano (look, i think he’s very capable of playing instruments and his fingers are good for it)

painted nails!! they’re usually a dark purple or black, occasionally a dark red. sometimes they’re clear, but he’s gotten the idea from when he supposedly was in his emo phase (and learned to keep something on them from breaking from his younger brother’s friend nobara)

likes to dance with you to the songs on his playlist in his minimalistic kitchen in between cooking or making drinks 

at least once a month, you can catch him in a necklace

during the winter months, tight turtlenecks or ribbed long sleeved shirts are his best friends

he also drives a very nice and sleek black car (i’d imagine it’s like a black audi TT or an audi R8) that sits in the back of the parking lot and has a habit of turning his keys on his index finger as he walks towards the building/into work.

bartending might have started as a part time job when he was in college, but it’s something he’s just kept up over the years 

man fills up a lot of space and knows it, even when he’s leaning on his back countertop during breaks or on the bar to take orders with his arms folded over his chest

ANYWAYS. be nice to your local bartender because he can bite. take that as you will.

[broomsick]

Hey, your blog is amazing and I love how much I've learned from it! I'm still a new polytheist and the first god that reached out to me was Loki a year ago. I was in a really bad place and he helped a lot, but it's been a while where I no longer feel his presence nor do I get any response from him. I'm hurt ngl, he was the Norse deity that I most loved and admired but somehow I feel as if he's decided to leave out of the blue.

Have you ever encountered this during your practice as a Norse pagan or do you have any advice for me?

Thank you ❤️

Why hello there! Thank you for the ask, I feel honored that you came to me with this question. I am also very grateful for people like you who are willing to hear about my thoughts and experiences with norse paganism!

First of all, it's really important that you know there is no guilt to be felt on your part. We know next to nothing of deities and their ways, and sometimes, they come and go like friends in our lives. That has nothing to do with you, and you did nothing wrong at all. I obviously cannot read into Loki's actions, but I know he did not mean you harm. If he was mad at you somehow, I believe it would've been a lot more evident. As a deity, he is especially fickle: he tends to pop into people's lives when they most need it, or more specifically, when they need to be shaken up a little.

I understand your feelings towards the loss of this presence. However, I also want to you know that Loki is still out there, even if you don't feel him. It can get pretty hard keeping strong ties with a deity, but if he has helped you once, I believe he will always keep an eye on you. You may have trouble hearing his reponses, but you can always talk to him. Through prayer, through offerings and gifts, and through words of praise to show your thankfulness. Talking to him about your life (problems, daily life, etc...) and giving gifts to him without expecting anything in return will still feel extremely gratifying, I promise. Maybe it won't feel the exact same, but a big part of engaging in deity work is learning how and when to adapt to change.

This is the best advice I can give you, as your spiritual path is personal to you. If you ever need to talk, or have any other questions, don't hesitate to hit me up, I will be there to answer.

[tales-of-sweets]

More Symphonia thoughts...

Still loving the goofy, trope-y, classic JRPG story and character elements. Seriously! I've been dealing with a lately so it's nice to watch this little goofball found family run around in a way that doesn't take too much of my mental processing power. Some parts of the story have genuinely shocked me or made me sit back and say "what the ever loving fuck" But other parts have been comfortingly predictable!

I'm honestly kind of dreading more people joining the party??? I love our current little found family of borderline unhinged teacher mom, emo sword man dad, idiot child #1 who sounds like Robin Teen Titans, idiot child #2 who is a clumsy angel for some reason, and their baby cousin who holds 75% of the groups collective braincells. Not yet prepared for the party dynamic to be shaken up but I guess Sheena seems fun, she seems like she's up next to join.

I think they are foreshadowing Kratos being an angel (or some other type of non-human). Colette has stopped eating and sleeping and there was a skit remarking on how Kratos didn't drink water and he also was the one to volunteer for night watch. If he is then I love that for him and I want to see his wings. I also want to give him a hug, he seems sad.

I hate the other Desian dude with the dreads too. Ngl, I just hate all of the Desians in general and I am really hoping they don't try to redeem them. I love men who commit atrocities and are evil but the Desians are way too close to real world N*z*s for my comfort🤢 It's also interesting that half elfs specifically are superior? Are half elfs their own seperate species or is it a child born from a human and an regular elf? I'm assuming it's the latter and I'm curious as to why? Do they find their own parents inferior to them? Do they have special qualities that make them think they're above others?

Also Genis (and by extention Raine ig) seems to be a half elf? Or at least some dude called him one and he freaked out and the guy was like "Jk you're def a regular elf". Genis...?🤨

Also the whole deal with Dorr's wife and child was disturbing. I teared up a bit when Lloyd told him his daughter was still alright so that he didn't have to die knowing she was killed. And then again when Colette said in a skit that he probably knew Lloyd was lying... Also uhhh... where did his wife go? She's just out there roaming the streets like that now??

Anyway, the game continues to be a fun mix of comfy, predictable goofiness story beats with the occasional wtf moment to slap me in the face, it's becoming a favorite 😄