#and neuro frankly

[persnickkitty]

SILVER SWEEP!!!!!!!! A WIN FOR BITCHES EVERYWHERE

I barely be posting but I got tagged by @skeleslime-phantom so let's get sillay

Challenge: Make a poll of your five fave characters of all time, then tag five people to do the same

I don't...know hardly anyone on tumblr anymore to tag them... do it, if it so pleases you...

[andhumanslovedstories]

If you’ve ever been hospitalized for psychiatric reasons, I would be tremendously interested in any advice or insight you have about what made that hospitalization better or worse.

Specifically in the context that while I am not a psych nurse, I do occasionally float to that floor when they are very very very short-staffed. Since I come here so infrequently, and since it’s such a different type of work from the hospital, and frankly since I have a lot of issues with psychiatry and the way it can get weaponized against patients, I’m struggling to develop my mental model of what a good nurse does in this setting. Like I have an idea of what makes a good neuro nurse, and I have an idea of what makes a good cardiac nurse, etc etc through the medical side of the hospital. I have these nursonas for a lot of specialities, so even though I’m not a specialist—I’m float pool, I don’t specialize in anything and that’s the point of me—I can ask myself “what roughly would a speciality nurse I deeply respect do in this scenario” and then I try to do that. I don’t have that for psych, or at least not as fleshed out. I never end a shift feeling like I nailed it, you know? I’d just be grateful for more insight into the experience from the patient side. You can reply or send an ask, whatever works for you. I just don’t want to build my mental model based entirely on the view from the locked off nurse’s station.

[hardtofindneuro]

to all the queer people that have come out, or haven’t, and have been invalidated in any way shape or form, you are so valid. you have a support system here, and i’m sure other places as well. you just need to find it. don’t let anyone try to tell you who you are.

being in this community has allowed me to better understand my sexuality & come to terms with it. i love being neuro because i can be me, and know i wont be judged for who i am or am not attracted to. i know that when i say im aroace here, ill get support instead of get a half-hearted “you’ll get married someday, you’re just not ready” or “you like men, it’s just your lifestyle.” i know that if something changes with my sexuality, that is welcome here, too. i dont have to make any definitive decision on my sexuality to be welcomed by this community, and that’s just one reason to love it.

i find support and love and an outlet here. and so many amazing friends that welcome me and support my decisions. so thank you all for being here and fuck anyone who thinks it’s ok to invalidate someone’s sexuality.

coming out is not easy. frankly, it feels impossible to even say the words to my mom. imagine being dream and coming out to millions, to get belittled and shit on and invalidated. i’m so proud of dream and any other person that has come out to the world, or to their parents, or their best friend, or maybe just to themselves. it’s a process, a hard one, and any small step is something to be proud of.

a huge thanks to dream for not only creating a space for us, but for setting an example, and sticking around when the internet has done nothing but tear him down. for being kind to a world that is less than kind back. and thanks to all of you that are still here, rebuilding our safe space. thank you.

[starryoak]

Apparently we’re going to be seeing more of Hobie’s universe and I am SO pumped about that because I have so many questions about how they’ll change it from the official comics, because a lot of Hobie’s universe is so intrinsically American that I can’t wait to see how it changes.

See, Spider-Punk’s universe is one where Norman Osborn became president by either creating artificial copies of or allying with Symbiotes (like Venom), dubbing them Variable Engagement Neuro-sensitive Organic Mesh, or V.E.N.O.M, both bonding with them himself and distributing them to cops and law enforcement everywhere to create super soldiers who could, and in his own words, “Make America Great Again.” His introductory comic depicts this in four pages (one of them a two page spread) where it shows Hobie and his band leading a riot against a wave of cop-Symbiotes called the Thunderbolt Department and using 5,000 watts worth of amps blasting punk music to vaporize the Symbiotes (being weak to loud noises), then personally bashing Norman Osborn’s skull in with his guitar.

Obviously while cops are fucking fascists everywhere, the symbolism of “Make America Great Again” is, well, quintessentially American, so I think it’s pretty clear some of the rhetoric will change, and I really can’t wait to see how it will, honestly. As well, when Hobie says “I hate the PM”, he can be seen tearing a poster of not Norman Osborn, but Kingpin, indicating that he likely is this universe’s equivalent to President Osborn.

As well, his teammates/the Spider-Band are also worth examining, and I really, really can’t wait to see what’s done with them, especially Karl Morningdew.

Karl Morningdew, AKA Captain Anarchy, is obviously intrinsically connected to Captain America, as his universe’s equivalent, but also because he’s Native American, specifically named as the Sentinel of the Cowlitz People. He’s got a not-a-superhero boyfriend named Rick, but that’s not important to this conversation. He’s obviously pretty tied to America, not just in his being very obviously a variant of Captain America with the same powers, but also because his people have lived in America before there was an America to live in, and their oppression by the American government is inextricable to his character. So how they will, or, I suppose, if they will, translate Karl into a British setting is obviously a big question! While not as intrinsically tied to an American identity, he has other teammates who are variants of other Marvel universe characters; Riri Williams, AKA Ironheart, is known as Riotheart in this universe, Mattea Murdock, AKA the Daredevil Drummer of Philly, a counterpart to Daredevil, Kamala Khan, who seems to be pretty much the same + brass knuckles, (will she have her powers changed to fit the new Ms. Marvel show?), and Robert “Robbie” Bruce Banner, a reluctant member of the team who doesn’t actually really want to be there, having tried to give up on that part of his life.

I really, really hope these guys show up, I want to see how they translate these very American characters into the UK, and I think, frankly, they’re really cool and fun!

[libraford]

Sorry, I'm not trying to yuck someones yum, but a lot of the 'interdimensional' talk is the newest chapter in an old grift that's been known to further other people on the spectrum of neuro diversity.

I dont need to know that I'm an alien and tgats why I'm weird. What I needed to know was that my parents got anxiety attacks too and that my brothers impulsiveness was ADHD. And that my uncles who can talk about anything for five hours are probably autistic. And that the human brain has uncountable variations, which is beautiful.

And that I'm not alone.

Being an alien makes me alone again.

And frankly I dont like that.

[wildpeachfarm]

yea neuros cancer fic was gen so good. like I enjoyed it a lot even tho I cried and it's crazy to me that people treated them like they were somehow morally wrong for writing it. I understand being uncomfortable with it(whether it be due to techno passing or a family member) but literature/art making you personally uncomfortable does not make the creator an immoral monster

-baby fever

Yeah and I understand that fic was also a way to process their own grief of a family member iirc (?) so I think that's a case of "don't like? don't read" to me. Frankly, there were enough warnings and things to make it very easy to avoid and stuff idk

I made the mistake of reading it on my period and sobbed for like an hour I think

[betuspaints]

Took a crack at some Nids this past week or so. Did a scheme inspired by sea creatures with a nice forest base full of biomass ready to be harvested.

Therewith lector model is frankly awesome and I will absolutely be getting another one sometime.

I eventually want to turn this scheme into a hivefleet vanguard list and already have a neuro-lictor and another pack of leapers for them.

[archeryenthusiast]

*The King's most trusted knight returns after a year long journey to a far kingdom with many other men to try and settle a potential war. The knight approaches the king and says*

Kn: Your Majesty, my person is back with news and changes

K: Oh, Lord! What hasth happened to thee? Thou art much more... Effeminate than before?

Kn: Your Majesty, the rumors were true. Once one doth venture into the land of Tum-Blr by himself, she shall not come back the same...

K: But what exactly happened to thy person that hasth turned thee into a wifmann?

Kn: Your Majesty, the Tum-Blerers kept taking about some.. Astro-Gem and some kind of.. Awe of the Tism!

K: What is "The Tism?", if thou possesses such information?

Kn: It appears to be about... Sensitivity to textures and.. toe walking and... Social cues? It is confusing to me, Your Majesty

K: What about the "Astro-Gem?* It sounds valuable!

Kn: oh, Your Majesty, it is. They put it into my body, and it slowly made mine appearance more and more like that of a wifmann.

K: But... Why did thy person allow the Tum-Blerers to do such things to thy body?

Kn: Your Majesty, my person is frankly... Much happier like this?

*the King thinks for a while, before finally saying*

My person shall personally meet those odd yet happy people, dost thou understand?

Kn: Be careful, Your Majesty. In the land of Tum-Blr, the genders are queer, and the neuros are divergent

[geneeste]

I’ve been ranting about this in the group chat, but the more I think about it, the angrier I get.

So J, our 10yo, took state testing before the break and apparently scored high on one of the reading sections. Now I put almost zero weight on testing like this, but this was a win for J in particular because she’s always struggled mightily with reading. But she did well on the test, and it was a confidence boost for her, but I’m fully aware she managed that because of reading interventions, and not because of “gifted” instruction.

Anyway, we got this email before the winter break:

So this is…weird. Especially this part:

Your child's performance on the CogAT indicates a need to gather more information in order to support the school team in making instructional decisions. Student scores in the 95th percentile or above initiate the Gifted Identification Referral Process, which includes gathering additional achievement, performance, and behavioral data for a comprehensive body of evidence.

All of the other kids save our youngest have been in gifted programs at some point, and in all of the seven school districts we’ve been in so far, I’ve never been asked to justify their selection for the program. Add to that, a 30-minute questionnaire seemed excessive, but I thought, hey, maybe this is just a standard I haven’t run into yet. (Also, neither linked letter elaborated on this; one was related to testing, and the second was this email in PDF form).

And then we got into the survey, y’all. Y’ALL.

I ran into the image limit for this post, so I can’t post the whole questionnaire, so I tried to pick the most egregious parts:

So. We start going through this thing and to say I was (am) livid is an understatement. Just. What the fuck.

Asking me to justify my kid’s specialness

Basing giftedness on totally irrelevant and also classist, ableist bullshit things like vocabulary, how quickly they learn something, attention span I COULD GO ON AND ON

Asking my kid to design instruction?? She’s ten fucking years old?

Asking my struggling reader, whom you’ve already identified as both needing reading intervention and having demonstrated huge growth, to give a fucking reading list to justify access to services?

I’m seriously so mad about the last part because talking about that question made J feel ashamed about how she dreads reading so she doesn’t actually read much, so when she does it’s short books and graphic novels, and we lost a lot of ground we’d gained about how she should be proud of her ability and progress. Fuckers.

So. We were not pleased. Here’s what I wrote back, which was almost certainly not as mean as I should have been:

My husband and I started this survey and although we completed it, I found it frustrating and prejudiced and genuinely insulting.

It is not at all clear what relevance many of the questions have to J’s academic ability and frankly with 4 neurodivergent children, 3 of whom (including J) having been in gifted programs previously, some of these questions were worded in ways that implied that a child had to think in a certain way in order to be gifted. For instance, why would a child needing some repetition to learn something mean that they can't be gifted? It's insulting and neuro-normative, to say the least.

I have never been asked to fill out a survey justifying my child's intellectual ability in order for my child to get access to educational services. I mean, what parent would answer otherwise? And what child wouldn't flourish when given engaging content?

I understand that district resources might be limited, but surely there is a less prejudiced and discriminatory way to screen for access to additional educational resources.

Here’s what the coordinator responded with:

Thank you for filling the survey out and for the feedback. The purpose of the survey is to gain valuable insight from parents about their child's strengths, interests and abilities that may not be evident in a school setting. We are looking to build a comprehensive portfolio of information to be used in the Gifted Identification Process to inform our programming and align it with student needs. The responses on the Gifted ID Referral form are not "weighted" or assigned points or used in any way that might preclude a child from Gifted Identification. They are used for informational purposes to gain a deeper understanding of a child.

Which is, frankly, total bullshit. Remember up there where the initial email where it said the survey was for instructional decisions and gathering a body of evidence? And the survey itself says:

Once this form is complete and submitted, your school's Gifted Education Facilitator will be notified. They will then gather additional necessary evidence/data to complete the process.

The coordinator has been so persistent since this reply - 4 emails asking us to talk about J’a participation when we’ve already made it clear that if the qualification process is any indication of how the gifted program is run, J’s much better off staying in class with her peers.

Anyway. Phew. I’ve been stewing about this and just writing it down has been very cathartic.

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

General + Blunt Reminder

In light of a notification I got from someone using a side or secondary account to get around the fact I blocked their main account in order to interact with my work, I'm going to take the opportunity to comment on this and say that is a SUPER weird thing to do.

There could be some chance that this individual is unaware they have been blocked and are now no longer able to follow me, as this was a reblog of an old reblog. But assuming for the moment they did so because they ARE aware, I've gone ahead and blocked the secondary. Frankly speaking they interacted with me and my work so little to begin with that it hardly makes much of a difference.

I just find I would feel more comfortable to establish some firmer boundaries, presently.

I owe no explanation to this individual, or anyone else, for why I chose to block them the first time. Nor should I need to feel bad for doing so. (Nor do I for blocking the secondary, or any other child account that may come up!) My reasonings are purely my own when it comes to why I have decided to deny this person who was once following me further access to me, to my account(s), and to my work.

I also do not have any issues, problems or complaints with those who may be friends with the person in question, whether it be currently or in the future. Forcing my personal reasons for cutting off this person's access to me upon another would not only be immature, but an incredibly shitty thing to do. I am deeply, deeply ashamed of how I used to police other people's friendships in the past... (Being a minor at the time in no way makes what I did excusable, or "okay".) While they may have said, done, or supported something I cannot forgive or condone, I will not be approaching anyone to make petty ultimatums over a situation that does not involve credible evidence for some kind of very, very serious (cyber)crime.

A bit of fandom bullshit is truly NOT worth that kind of nonsense.

It is my understanding that there is a chance of this person both not only seeing this post, but of making "vague posts" where they might likely write about how ""someone online"" is being ableist and/or deliberately exclusionary to them for ""some reason"", or by reblogging ND-related content with guilt-trippy titles like "Covert Ways Neurodivergent People Might Get Bullied".

And I can't stop them from doing the latter. I can only control what I do. I know how those neuro-divergencies tend to work when I happen to share a majority of them with this particular person. And I know that they are plenty "old enough" to understand what they're doing when they are very close to the age of my fucking parents in spite of those diagnoses at close to twenty or thirty years my senior!

Whatever the case may be for interacting with me from a secondary account, I simply want this person to leave me alone from this point going forward so I don't have to waste the limited energy I have on anything other than worrying about myself and responsibilities I have as as grown adult outside of the place I come to share and foster my enjoyment of various entertainment media with other, lovely people.

[jurijurijurious]

Basically being told by an NHS GP that my only option for ADHD assessment is private care is not cool. I will never forgive the Tories for running the NHS into the ground and creating this state of affairs where we have no choice but to save for private healthcare to get neuro developmental support.

I am aware there is a funding crisis and that this is bigger than me, but I frankly cannot afford private healthcare and the thought of scraping hundreds together for assessment and ongoing support terrifies me.

[thepixelelf]

this is definitely a stretch but a slightly off kilter dimension 20: mentopolis au where, consider Jeon Wonwoo, "junior researcher at Gobstopper Industries, a retro-futurist conglomerate, working on all sorts of amazing art deco technology in a gilded, non descript, past-like past..." ("gah, he paints a picture with his words!" 03:12) who works in the neuroscience department, kind of a loner, always focused on his research. Often closed off because he is led by his logic and ambition. Pushed down his sense of conscience years ago because of an incident involving an ice skate to the face but he doesn't like to talk about that or frankly even think about it so... work it is.

Anyway, one day Mr Big Boss Guy walks into Wonwoo's office/lab with you, and he introduces you to him as a specialist in projectiles. You two are going to be working on the new Psychometer project together. Wonwoo just nods, shakes your hand, and registers your sweet nice to meet you smile too late because he's already turned back to his calculations and now it would be too awkward to say nice to meet you too and damn it, why is he so damn awkward?

You don't pay it much mind— you've met plenty of awkward, shy nerds at Gobstopper Industries and while Wonwoo is maybe one of the nicer looking ones, you're no stranger to clipped greetings and noses buried in research. You yourself are quite the nerd, anyway, so it's no skin off your back.

[warning: fake science ahead! also cw for guns!]

For a while you two just work on your own things— him with his weird neuro something something tech, and you with your projectile prototypes. You're signed on as a temporary contract, so Mr Big Boss Guy never really told you what kind of thing you're making the projectiles for. But it does occur to you at some point... why would you put a projectiles guy and a neuro guy on the same project? What the heck are you even building?

So you ask him. "Hey, Jeon. Can I call you Jeon?"

He seems a bit jumpy at the sudden appearance of your voice, which is fair since you guys haven't really talked in the days since you started working together, but he turns to look at you and eventually nods.

"What is it exactly that you're researching?"

"Well... it's— it's... uh..." And it takes him a couple seconds to get his bearings, but then he goes on about brain waves and electrons and oxytocin and aromatherapy and a lot of other stuff that you honestly don't understand much of, but the more he speaks, the more you realize he's very much into all this research he's done. "It'll be a pioneer in mental health, this machine. If we can go into the mind and find exactly what's wrong— just imagine what that can do for the world."

You try to. You think about how the whole "mental health" thing is just starting to get on the public's radar, and what it would mean if doctors could just... look in there and then tweak the undesirable bits. Huh.

"That's fascinating," you tell him, not seeing the way his eyes practically light up at your, albeit monotone, interest. "And... why am I making it into a gun?"

At that, Wonwoo just blinks. "I... don't know. I think the decision came from marketing? Perhaps they think it will be more valuable if the machine is portable."

"Portable, huh," you mumble, but you don't say anything else. Wonwoo goes silent too because he literally cannot carry a conversation (esp with someone he finds smart and attractive) unless he is answering questions. So, you both just go on with your work.

Until another day, after you dropped off the latest prototype on the boss' desk, when you ask Wonwoo, "Hey, Jeon, with your mind reader thingy—"

"It's not a 'thingy'," he interrupts with an almost imperceptible pout, but you catch it and smile at how oddly cute your fellow researcher is.

"Okay, your Psychometer..."

(His eyes light up again. They keep doing that.)

"...is it only for looking?"

He frowns, not understanding. "What do you mean?"

You tilt your head to the side, tapping your sharpened pencil on your desk. "I mean... can you use it to do anything about the stuff it sees?"

"Tampering with the brain is an extremely dangerous endeavour. There's no telling what could happen if the Psychometer were used to manipulate emotions or desires—"

"Wait, so it can be used like that?"

Wonwoo's frown deepens, he scoots to the edge of his chair towards you, one hand on his knee. "No. The technology could potentially be altered to manipulate the brain, yes, but the result could be disastrous—"

You jolt up onto your feet. "It's a mind control device???"

"I don't think you understand—"

But you're not listening to him anymore. You lean over your workspace, eyes darting over all your blueprints and scrap metal prototypes. "Holy shit," you mutter to yourself. "And I designed it into a weapon..."

You didn't always know there was something off about Big Boss Guy, but after meeting and getting to know Wonwoo and his research, you thought it was a little strange. Big tech industries like Gobstopper don't care about the good of the people like Wonwoo does... they care about money. And Big Boss Guy always seemed so smug when you updated him on the Psychometer project... yeah, a patent for a brain scanner would probably make him millions... but a mind control device? He could move to fucking Mars if he sold it to the right people.

Or used it on the right people.

In a frenzied panic, you begin swiping your hands over your desk to try and collect all of your research into a pile, while Wonwoo watches you with his confusion mounting.

"What are you—"

"Wonwoo," you breathe out, heart beating much faster than healthy. "Can I call you Wonwoo?" You don't wait for his answer; you're not even looking at him. "You need to get all your shit on a hard drive, and then you need to delete it from every Gobstopper computer—"

"What? Why would I—"

You walk straight up to him and put both your hands on his arms. If he wasn't confused and defensive right now, he'd probably be flustered.

"We made a fucking mind control gun, Wonwoo. Do you know what that means?"

Who is he kidding? He's flustered. He shakes his head.

You close your eyes as you let out a sigh. "We made a weapon. A very dangerous weapon. And the only way to stop it from going to the wrong people is if—"

Wonwoo watches you stop, and it's not like when he can't continue speaking because he doesn't know the answer, or when you pause because you thought of something funny, like you often do, but you actually freeze. Your mouth stays slightly open, caught in whatever you were going to say next, and your arms go stiff. Wonwoo is about to speak when he hears his boss' voice from the entryway.

"The wrong people?" he says, calm as ever as he lowers the Psychometer prototype he'd just had pointed in your direction. "C'mon, Jeon. You know I'd never put this in the wrong hands." He admires the machine in his hand. "It's much better off with me, don't you think?"

It's not that Wonwoo has no idea what the fuck is going on. In fact, thanks to you and your recent revelation, he finally actually knows what the fuck is going on.

It's just that he has no idea what the fuck to do now.

"You can't— this—" He looks at you, who have never been so close to him for so long, and right now it's completely against your will. He hates that thought. "Whatever you did with the Psychometer, turn it off! Reverse it, just— let them go!"

His boss shows off a mocking pout. "But they were saying such mean lies, Jeon. I told you: this machine is going to change the world. Don't you want that?"

"Not like this!"

"Tell you what, Jeon," his boss says, unfazed. "How about you finish doing your job like you were asked, and I make your little projectile friend fall in love with you, eh? You'd like that, wouldn't you? I see the way you look at them when you think no one's watching."

Bile threatens to rise up Wonwoo's throat. To make you like him— no, he never wanted that.

"Don't," he growls.

"Alright, alright. Then I guess I'll just have to offer a slightly worse deal. You make me my fully functional Psychometer, and I don't go through all the steps up to making their death look like an accident." He pulls out a sleek, silver gun and points it straight at you.

"Fine— fine!" Wonwoo holds out a hand, the other one now holding onto your arm. "I'll build it, but..." He bites the inside of his lip. He hasn't taken anything close to risk in years. "...but I need their help."

His boss raises a brow. "I don't think they're gonna want to be helpful."

"I'll make sure the comply," Wonwoo assures him, although he's not that confident in his ability to convince you.

He just needs you back to normal.

His boss clicks his tongue and tucks away his gun. A long time ago, he told Wonwoo he liked him because he listens well to authority. "Alright, Jeon, but make sure they do, and fast. Otherwise, I'll have to find somebody else for the job."

Wonwoo doesn't miss the thinly veiled threat, but he pays no attention to it. His boss points the Psychometer at you once again, and with a gasping breath, you fall to your knees. Wonwoo immediately joins you at your side, not hugging you like he kind of wants to, but patting your back as you cough.

Faintly, he hears his boss ordering people to barricade both exits from the lab.

"Holy..." You gag, and cough, and almost throw up, but don't. "...shit."

"Are you alright?" Wonwoo asks.

You whip your head to glare at him. "Am I alri— Wonwoo, do you know what you just agreed to?!"

So you heard everything, huh.

(It's not what he should think about first, he knows that, but Wonwoo feels heat on his face knowing that you heard his boss talking about the way he looks at you.)

"It was the only way for him to unfreeze you..."

At that, your panic and anger soften. You sigh. "I... Thank you."

"You're welcome," he says automatically, then cringes at how the words sound.

"You know I'm not helping you make that thing, right?"

Wonwoo nods. "I don't want to make it either."

"Good, then..." You stand up, Wonwoo keeping his hands hovered only inches away in case you're unsteady on your feet, and you reach into one the the inner pockets of your labcoat.

From which you pull out a grappling hook.

Wonwoo's eyes widen, and he has half the mind to ask you if you keep one of those on you at all times (???), but you stride past him to look out the floor to ceiling windows of the lab— which is four floors off the ground.

You turn to him with a sickeningly sly grin. "You ever looked at a window and asked yourself if you could break it with a good ol' shove?"

Wonwoo shakes his head, incredulous. "No!"

"Well." You shrug, going to grab as much of his and your paperwork as you can and stuffing it into your bag. "It's either the window, or mister 'I'm gonna rule the world' out there."

Wonwoo weighs his options. On the one hand, you're...

Well, you're there.

And, okay, on the other is a guy with two different guns, so...

Wonwoo goes over to his computer, taps at a fews keys, and initiates a total manual reset.

Once he turns back around, you've already started tying rope around yourself. "Get over here," you grunt.

And so Wonwoo lets you literally tie him to you, and then he jumps out of a god damn fucking window.

and that's all for this episode of diMEN—

[peachyxboy]

A Love so Sweet, it Hurts 🥀 - Valentine 💌

San Diego, CA 

Feburary 16th, 2011

Some days Tala felt like she could never catch a break. From the day she was born, to being smuggled out of Philippines, etc. her whole life has been a struggle. But, so has every single person's on Earth, and like her father always told her: the moment you stop and think about how unfair your life is, you'll be old and dying and wallowing in your own self-pity. When she was younger, she never really understood all the life lessons her parents taught her till she faced them. Like today, she was breaking down over a relationship that she never really got over, meanwhile she had a patient in Exam Room 3 that was there to get clearance for her breast augmentation. Despite priding herself that all her patients had adequate care, frankly Tala couldn't give a shit right now. 

"I know you probably think I'm some bimbo, but I just want to surprise my husband, you know? Figured a new, perky set would be more eye-catching than a haircut," she teased.

Perky to match the personality, Tala thought. She walked in with pep in her step, and a toothy grin that didn't seem to leave her face. Her expression was usually not one you would see in a hospital, but it would've been appreciated more, had Tala not have other things on her mind.

"Did you plan on breastfeeding?"

Her smile immediately fell and, shocked by the seemingly unrelated question. "I-I beg your pardon?"

"Breastfeeding. Your file says you're not planning to get pregnant any time soon, but if you, take my advice and wait till they deflate from lack of milk then consider getting them done. Until then, just use a push-up, guys only see what they want to see, so he'll hardly notice when it comes off. Also, you don't have to convince me that you want them done for your husband. I'm not a guy, just a doctor, you don't have to justify your wants and wishes as pleasing your husband," Tala explained as she pocketed her pen, "Head to the waiting area, they'll call you up for a copy of your referral."

"You're still giving me clearance? But you just-"

"Just gave you my opinion. Whether you take it or not is not my problem as soon as you walk through that door. Have a good day."

Without letting her get another word in, Tala swiftly stood from her chair and left the room. She had about three more hours, meaning she needed another cup of coffee. Fortunately for her, Dr. Henry Mercer was already there. He was a neurologist that drove a Lamborghini and a new date to every holiday party. Unfortunately, he was Tala's only real work friend and never let her wallow alone in her own self-pity. "You know, we have security for unwanted reporters, you don't have to make death threats every time one comes in."

"A pen in the eye is hardly a threat. We both know you've had patients who survived worse," she remarked, ordering her third cup of the day.

"Studies had show that caffeine used as a mild antidepressant for people, causing increased turnover of neuro-transmitters," he continued.

"Is this gonna be on the test?"

Henry laughed as well, but didn't let her jokes deter him from the point. "I know you don't like talking about it, but if you need to, you know I'm always here."

Her sarcasm left in that moment and she tried her hardest not to get choked up, "Nothing to talk about."

"Tala, we're way past the angsty teen denial. The more you push and press everything down, it won't feel better."

"I DON'T WANNA FEEL BETTER!"

Even the barista jumped and spilled the milk. She felt her body start to shake as tears filled her eyes, unable to hold back now that the gates were open. Yet, Henry seemed glad that she was showing some emotion over the situation. "Go home, Tala, get some rest."

She shook her head, "I can't-"

"You can and you will," he took both his and her coffee, "Don't worry about anyone else but you."

"Can't really do that anymore."

Dr. Velasco's House - Albuquerque, New Mexico 

Circa 2004

Lalo didn't think that would come out of her mouth. The doctor seemed so withdrawn, and reserved when it came to her feelings. Yet, here she was asking him to stay while she lay drunk. It was definitely out of her usual character, but it was nice seeing this side of her. As much as he loved hearing that sharp wit and seeing her furrowed brows, he preferred her smile. And Lalo just loved to think he was one of the few people who saw it. 

He didn't answer, though she didn't seem to notice as Tala had already fallen asleep. Bold of her to allow such vulnerability, but he wouldn't do anything. After all, his first attempt at affection literally lead her to throw up. So, he would wait for now, until she specifically asked, he wouldn't act. However, Lalo would stay the night. He sat as her bedside for hours, watching and waiting as time passed. He learned three things that night: 

Tala was a light weight.

She was a side sleeper and drooled a little in her sleep.

He had never felt like this for anyone else in his entire life.

By the time 6 AM hit, Lalo was gone. In his place was a little note on her bedside table, 

Thank you, and until next time Doctora.

Tala smiled upon reading it, but the memories of the night before came flooding in and she immediately smacked herself in the face with the pillow. Not only did she get drunk and threw up, but she threw up RIGHT AFTER he kissed her forehead. Lalo probably thought she was some gross idiot. After a long and cold shower to sober up, Tala went on her usual routine when she had the day off: grocery shopping, car wash, calling her parents, etc. and did anything and everything to keep her mind off of things. However, that all seemed to be for naught as she received a call from a familiar number. 

"Doctora," Lalo greeted as he looked over the shelves of travel brochures, roughly picking out the same ones Michael did from the CCTV footage.

"Lalo."

Even her voice held a certain charm that he couldn't get out of his head. "I hope you slept well. Sorry for letting myself out this morning, I had some...business to attend to."

"No, it's okay. Honestly, I'm really really sorry about last night. I should've never drank that much and threw up and..." she rambled out more apologies, but his chuckling seemed to quiet them.

"It's alright, I'm just glad that you're okay. Actually, I was calling to see if you were available again tonight?"

She paused and sighed disappointedly, "Unfortunately I can't tonight, I have a friend's birthday I have to go to. And I probably won't be available till Saturday."

"Making me wait so long?" Lalo teased, "Alright then, Saturday?"

"Saturday."

"I'll be waiting."

Lalo ended the call, smiling from ear to ear. Despite having to wait 3 days to see her again, Lalo would cherish every second of anticipation. Though, that smile quickly left upon hearing the small whimpering from the boy in the corner of the room. Apparently he wasn't dead just yet.

[mindfulwrath]

Books of 2023

"You Look Like a Thing and I Love You" by Janelle Shane - AI is even weirder when you know how it works. Interesting read. Recommended.

"The Spare Man" by Mary Robinette Kowal - Cozy mystery, IN SPACE! Good mystery, fun characters, ACAB. Recommended.

"Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Vol. 4" by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu - Oh they FUCKIN. Recommended.

"Meddling Kids" by Edgar Cantero - Scooby-Doo meets Lovecraft. Scarier than I expected. Recommended.

"Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days" vols. 1-5 by Shiro Amano - Break my heart all over again why don't you. Surprisingly humorous. Recommended.

"Every Heart a Doorway" by Seanan McGuire - Boarding school/group therapy for young adults who have just returned from portal fantasies. "Piranesi" vibes. Recommended.

"Down Among the Sticks and Bones" by Seanan McGuire - Prequel "A" to 'Every Heart a Doorway.' Vampires, mad scientists, and the greatest horror: suburbia. Recommended.

"Beneath the Sugar Sky" by Seanan McGuire - Sequel "A" to 'Every Heart a Doorway.' A group of portal-fantasy survivors quest to resurrect a friend. Recommended.

"In an Absent Dream" by Seanan McGuire - Prequel "B" to 'Every Heart a Doorway.' Fae bargains and the consequences of brinksmanship. Recommended.

"Peter Pan" by James Barry - Charmingly written, alarming subtext. At times appallingly racist. An interesting read.

"Come Tumbling Down" by Seanan McGuire - Sequel "B" to 'Every Heart a Doorway.' A portal-fantasy survivor seeks aid to unswap her body. Recommended.

"The Roman Empire" by Don Nardo - Nice overview of the time period, accessible, with good references. At times gratingly Christianity-positive.

"Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village" by Maureen Johnson and Jay Cooper - What it says on the tin. Amusing.

"Across the Green Grass Fields" by Seanan McGuire - Prequel "C" to 'Every Heart a Doorway.' Horse girl goes to horse world. Frankly, missable.

"Everyday Life in Ancient Rome" by Lionel Casson - Fascinating, and has my favorite quality in a historian: petty snark. Recommended.

"Where the Drowned Girls Go" by Seanan McGuire - Sequel "C" to 'Every Heart a Doorway.' Portal Fantasy survivor escapes institutionalization. Recommended.

"T. Rex and the Crater of Doom" by Walter Alvarez - How we figured out what killed the dinosaurs. Recommended.

"Autobiography of a Transgender Scientist" by Ben Barres - Life, science, and activism from a trans neuroscientist. Recommended if you like neuro jargon.

"The Eternal Darkness" by Robert Ballard - A brief history of deep-sea exploration told by someone who's been there. Recommended.

"Lost in the Moment and Found" by Seanan McGuire - Prequel "D" to 'Every Heart a Doorway.' Abused child escapes to a cosmic Lost & Found. Recommended.

"The Writing in the Stone" by Irving Finkel - A mysterious stone drives a Babylonian exorcist to a killing spree. Cool concept, unpleasant execution.

"The Pillars of the Earth" by Ken Follett - Docu-drama about the building of a cathedral. Like if Game of Thrones loved its characters. Recommended.

"The Secret History of Moscow" by Ekaterina Sedia - People are turning into birds and folktale creatures live underground. Not my cup of tea, but Gaiman fans will like it.

"Wild" by Cheryl Strayed - A woman hikes the Pacific Crest Trail alone to grieve her mother's death. An interesting read.

"House of Leaves" by Mark Z. Danielewski - An imaginary film ruins a guy's life. Disturbing. Recommended.

"The Devil in the White City" by Erik Larson - The true story of the 1893 World's Fair and the serial killer who hunted there. Fair bits way more interesting than killer bits. Recommended.

"Piranesi" by Susanna Clark (reread) - The Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite. Recommended.

[z0mbiefrank]

just saw the term neuro-spicy and quite frankly id rather be called a slur

[hag-o-hags]

hold the fuckin phone here lads

i had a consult with rheumatology/immunology re: long tall short fat covid, and i went to a PA who was .... let's call it distracted? by the fact that I have prediabetes markers

which, frankly, duh, my mom's entire family are diabetic or prediabetic, my father's (v small) family was Skinny Diabetics -- my genes mean it's a matter of if not when (ETA: "not if BUT when" and/or "when not if". cripes. it took three goes to get this right. see below re: 65% rate of braining good.)

(and like sidebar if everyone in my family got breast cancer nobody would be sitting there like ooooooohhh make sure you're getting enough CARDIO whilst RECOVERING FROM A LIFE ALTERING FATIGUE DISORDER)

anyway there were a couple ..... blood orange flags? things that I wouldn't appreciate from my PCP, but from a specialist? sure whatever, maybe you have really solid evidence that this particular supplement is worth a try. I was coping with Robitussin for a while there.

but!!!!!!

she also gave me some studies to look through, which, hah, thank you, my brain works 65% of the time, but hey, sure, the musculoskeletal effects of diabetes mellitus might be helpful.

Bitch it's chiropractic!!!!!

the principle author is from the TEXAS CHIROPRACTIC COLLEGE

it's published by the JOURNAL OF THE CANADIAN CHIROPRACTIC ASSOCIATION

putting aside the teeny tiny minor issue that I do not at present actually have diabetes mellitus whY are you giving me chiropractic advice

when I took some of what she said back to my pcp (who remains, as ever, the fucking best), she was like "Um. No. No that doesn't track." At the time I was willing to accept that okay, we've taken a rheum/immun tactic off our list, we can go back to Neuro. But now I'm sort of thinking that hi. Hello. Maybe we really didn't spend enough time on the Immediate Family History of Bonkers Rheumatological Issues.

I'm tired. And my hands won't stop being tingly.