#gifted programs are largely bullshit anyway!

[geneeste]

I’ve been ranting about this in the group chat, but the more I think about it, the angrier I get.

So J, our 10yo, took state testing before the break and apparently scored high on one of the reading sections. Now I put almost zero weight on testing like this, but this was a win for J in particular because she’s always struggled mightily with reading. But she did well on the test, and it was a confidence boost for her, but I’m fully aware she managed that because of reading interventions, and not because of “gifted” instruction.

Anyway, we got this email before the winter break:

So this is…weird. Especially this part:

Your child's performance on the CogAT indicates a need to gather more information in order to support the school team in making instructional decisions. Student scores in the 95th percentile or above initiate the Gifted Identification Referral Process, which includes gathering additional achievement, performance, and behavioral data for a comprehensive body of evidence.

All of the other kids save our youngest have been in gifted programs at some point, and in all of the seven school districts we’ve been in so far, I’ve never been asked to justify their selection for the program. Add to that, a 30-minute questionnaire seemed excessive, but I thought, hey, maybe this is just a standard I haven’t run into yet. (Also, neither linked letter elaborated on this; one was related to testing, and the second was this email in PDF form).

And then we got into the survey, y’all. Y’ALL.

I ran into the image limit for this post, so I can’t post the whole questionnaire, so I tried to pick the most egregious parts:

So. We start going through this thing and to say I was (am) livid is an understatement. Just. What the fuck.

Asking me to justify my kid’s specialness

Basing giftedness on totally irrelevant and also classist, ableist bullshit things like vocabulary, how quickly they learn something, attention span I COULD GO ON AND ON

Asking my kid to design instruction?? She’s ten fucking years old?

Asking my struggling reader, whom you’ve already identified as both needing reading intervention and having demonstrated huge growth, to give a fucking reading list to justify access to services?

I’m seriously so mad about the last part because talking about that question made J feel ashamed about how she dreads reading so she doesn’t actually read much, so when she does it’s short books and graphic novels, and we lost a lot of ground we’d gained about how she should be proud of her ability and progress. Fuckers.

So. We were not pleased. Here’s what I wrote back, which was almost certainly not as mean as I should have been:

My husband and I started this survey and although we completed it, I found it frustrating and prejudiced and genuinely insulting.

It is not at all clear what relevance many of the questions have to J’s academic ability and frankly with 4 neurodivergent children, 3 of whom (including J) having been in gifted programs previously, some of these questions were worded in ways that implied that a child had to think in a certain way in order to be gifted. For instance, why would a child needing some repetition to learn something mean that they can't be gifted? It's insulting and neuro-normative, to say the least.

I have never been asked to fill out a survey justifying my child's intellectual ability in order for my child to get access to educational services. I mean, what parent would answer otherwise? And what child wouldn't flourish when given engaging content?

I understand that district resources might be limited, but surely there is a less prejudiced and discriminatory way to screen for access to additional educational resources.

Here’s what the coordinator responded with:

Thank you for filling the survey out and for the feedback. The purpose of the survey is to gain valuable insight from parents about their child's strengths, interests and abilities that may not be evident in a school setting. We are looking to build a comprehensive portfolio of information to be used in the Gifted Identification Process to inform our programming and align it with student needs. The responses on the Gifted ID Referral form are not "weighted" or assigned points or used in any way that might preclude a child from Gifted Identification. They are used for informational purposes to gain a deeper understanding of a child.

Which is, frankly, total bullshit. Remember up there where the initial email where it said the survey was for instructional decisions and gathering a body of evidence? And the survey itself says:

Once this form is complete and submitted, your school's Gifted Education Facilitator will be notified. They will then gather additional necessary evidence/data to complete the process.

The coordinator has been so persistent since this reply - 4 emails asking us to talk about J’a participation when we’ve already made it clear that if the qualification process is any indication of how the gifted program is run, J’s much better off staying in class with her peers.

Anyway. Phew. I’ve been stewing about this and just writing it down has been very cathartic.

[mamamittens]

Hi! i'm a avid reader of fanfic and I recently saw some post about purity culture. What is purity culture?

This is a bit... Of an odd ask for me, but I'll try my best as someone who has grown up in the Bible Belt of America where purity culture is thick.

Uh, content warning for purity culture, rape, rape culture, and sex. It's complicated and quite unpleasant to get into, but I'll try not to drag down the conversation too much. It'll be a bit messy though, because it is a very large topic and I likely won't be able to cover a lot of it here without it being unwieldy or heavy to read.

Purity culture is in reference to... Well, it's a bit complicated and expansive, but at its root it's at least associated with Abrahamic faith practices based on sex and virginity.

Depending on where you live, you've likely already seen or experienced instances of it. Typically applied almost exclusively to girls and women, in fact.

Where it's viewed as an inherent value of a person based on their sexual activity (even perceived sexual activity). Wherein any 'sexual' act devalues someone, even if they don't quite say it so openly.

Like girls who have had a lot of boyfriends or are rumored to 'put out' a lot or are 'easy'. They're usually looked down on more than, say, the pious good girl that waits till marriage for sex. Depending on the extent, even kissing or thinking about romantic/sexual relationships are seen as sinful and requiring penance to 'earn back' their once 'pristine' purity.

This standard is rarely, if ever, applied to men and boys by the way.

An example would be the weird conference my school took us on at the end of elementary. It had a few seminars about self defense, the D.A.R.E program (say no to drugs thing), and the ending was a big speech about abstinence. Which is the most common way to perpetuate purity culture instead of education about sex, safe sex, and pregnancy.

There, there was what I believe to be a pastor, who gave a demonstration about why it was important to save yourself for marriage.

His chosen metaphor was a bar of chocolate (others include chewing gum or even cars), where the point he was trying to get across was that you wouldn't want a chocolate bar a lot of people have handled. That it gets gross and melts and is generally unappealing--he hilariously had to lick it cause the boy he chose to help demonstrate didn't give a shit about bare hands touching the chocolate bar.

There was also some weird part about how things get boring the more you do them and you naturally want to eventually get further and further. From holding hands until, before you know it, you're having sex cause you just can't get that rush from holding hands anymore.

I don't know. It was weird all around.

Anyway, my mom was horrified when I told her and that was all I needed to know it was bullshit.

In hindsight, the obvious conclusion is that the pastor was implying that people will think you're gross and won't want to be around you if you sleep with someone you're not married to.

On the surface it doesn't seem so bad, but the toxicity only grows when you realize things are rarely ever so simple.

Because there aren't exceptions in purity culture for abuse or rape. Or for the very real case where a relationship you thought was forever turns into just... A few years. If that. You're not suddenly lesser because you were sexually abused or thought you'd be with someone for the rest of your life.

But purity culture insists you must be. You, typically in this case, being a girl or woman because "boys will be boys" and "men have needs". Because your body, your purity and virginity, was supposed to be a "gift" to your husband, not something to be passed around lightly. Your body was, in the eyes of purity culture, never really yours to do with as you please.

For the unfortunate, purity culture is a toxic downward spiral you won't ever be viewed compassionately through. And for those that play along, they turn into commodities and vilified for not giving into their partners "urges" in many cases. Being called a prude, frigid, or uptight.

It's contradicting and unfair, toxic even for the men that barely need to worry about it to start with. Because sex in purity culture is a hot commodity and a need which mystifies a very common aspect of human relationships. Leading to unwise decisions or unfortunate circumstances such as teen pregnancy, rape, and sexual abuse in extreme cases.

Because purity culture also doesn't like to... Talk about sex in even the basic terms. "Leads to sin" as it were, but if you don't know anything about sex, how do you know you've had it? How are you supposed to realize you can get pregnant or contract an STD? If all you know is that sex is "something for husbands and wives to share" involving "special parts" how can you know when your naivete is being taken advantage of? How can you ask for help if you only know to call your parts (dick, vagina, whatever equipment you're working with) vague pleasantries like "butterfly" and "fishing pole" or whatever? So saying someone touched your "butterfly" or "fishing pole" sounds so innocuous, why would they be alarmed?

And it doesn't have to be just sex, by the way. Clothing and style choices also can be judged harshly in purity culture. I've seen girls be called whores for using tampons, dying their hair, reading romance novels, having guy friends, or wearing tank tops. Anything viewed as "promiscuous" or even vaguely "sexually appealing" can be used as an excuse to denounce your value under purity culture. Depending on how uh... Conservative in their belief they are. Hell, some girls are considered whores just for who their family is.

Or even your sexual attraction/orientation but that's like, an even bigger and more complicated can of worms based on where/when/and what type you're talking about.

I hope this helps and I absolutely encourage you to research more on the topic because I am only one person from a fairly laid back household on the topic of religion and sex. I know there are at least TedTalks on the matter, and even documentaries but fair warning, it can get pretty dark pretty quick.

[atlafan]

Something New - One Shot

a/n: I’ve been working on this for a couple of weeks, rewrote half of it, and now I feel like it’s good enough to post. I guess you could call this enemies to friends to lovers??? they’re both idiots, honestly lmao, anyways, enjoy biology teacher!Harry (not proofread) reblogs and feedback are helpful!

Warnings: a little bit of angst, fluff, and smut

Words: 20K

Divorced, new home, new town, new job, and a new school district for the kids all within the same year. Y/N had been separated from her husband for a couple of years prior, but when he moved in with his girlfriend, she knew it was officially over. It sucked. She knew she’d look back on it someday and be grateful that they ended things, but right now she wasn’t too happy about it. He got to be a weekend dad with his young girlfriend by his side, and there she was looking like the crazy old hang. It wasn’t her fault for not taking the best care of herself. She was depressed, could you blame her. They lived in one of those towns where everyone knew every little thing about you, so it was time to get out.

Securing the new job was the first on the list. If she could do that then maybe the kids would be more understanding about leaving. Y/N was a database manager for a non-profit organization. She was behind the scenes, and that’s how she liked it. She didn’t have to be the one asking for money or on the front lines vising donors. It was a job she could do anywhere, and she’d get paid well because of the software she knew how to use like the back of her hand.

There was a private school she had seen a job opening for. Normally, she’d be more apt to work for a non-profit, and not just some school for snotty rich kids, but their website made it seem like it wasn’t like that. Their donors gave out scholarships for students all of the time, and staff/faculty could send their kids to the school for free. That was a no brainer. Giving her kids a good education was her dream. The school was a K-12, so that would mean an easy pick up and drop off. After thinking it over, and researching the surrounding towns, she sent in her application.

Two weeks later she got a call for a video interview. She accepted happily. A week after that she was asked on campus for a second interview. Y/N put on her best blazer and nicest blue dress, the school colors were red and blue after all. She even made sure to wear red heels. Y/N spoke eloquently during her interview. She had researched everyone in the development office so she already knew faces and names. They were impressed. She spoke about her experience with The Rasier’s edge, the database management system, and they were awe-struck. She was given a tour of the campus, and it was absolutely gorgeous. The elementary school was a separate building, and the middle school and high school were separate, but connected by two connectors to make one large building. The development office was set up in this cute white house. They shared it with the alumni office, and apparently it was one of the oldest buildings on campus. Although, it was taken of so you’d never know it was old. They even showed her where her potential new office would be. There was a pool and ice rink as well that Y/N got to see. She was impressed. She interviewed the people on the committee too, knowing it was a two way street. She liked what they had to say.

A week or so after that, she was given an offer, a really good offer. Now it was time to talk to her kids. She couldn’t just accept without speaking with them first. Her daughter, Riley, would be going into ninth grade, and her son, Ben, would be going into eighth. Y/N was only thirty-three, she was a young mother, thanks to her ex-husband who was about seven years older than her. A red flag she should have been more wise to, but she was young and naïve, and that’s all that needs to be said about that.

It was a difficult conversation with the kids, but after calming down they had become more open to it. They were upset with their father, and the idea of being a little farther away was sounding really nice. Living in a new home to make new memories in was sounding really nice. Making new friends and having a fresh start was sounding really nice.

So, Y/N accepted the position, and was given a moving allowance. She was able to find a home quickly that was perfect for them. A decent three bedroom about fifteen minutes from campus, so the commute would be easy enough. Riley and Ben took a liking to the uniforms, and since you did all of this over the summer, they’d be able to blend in easily on the first day of school. No awkward ‘walking in halfway through the term’ bullshit.

“When am I supposed to see them?” Your ex had asked you over the phone when you told him you were moving.

“Every other weekend, same as before.”

“So now I have to drive an hour out of my way to-“

“It’s not an hour, it’s forty-five minutes at best. Shouldn’t it be worth it? They’re your kids.”

“You’re taking them from me.”

“You did that to yourself, Joseph. The weekends will stay the same. Be happy our kids are getting a good education. Goodbye.”

She knew she was harsh, but after being cheated on, and left for a younger woman, she thought she earned the right. A week before school started, the kids had gotten their schedules in the mail.

“Who do you have, Riles?” Ben asks her.

“Someone named…Mr. Styles for homeroom, he’s the biology teacher too.”

“Thought you took bio sophomore year.” Y/N says to her.

“Nope, my grades were good, remember? I’m in the honors class.” She smiles.

“What about you, Ben?”

“Um…Mr. Horan. Looks like I’ll have him for pre-algebra.”

“No female teachers for that, huh?” Y/N asks.

“I have a woman for Geometry, Mum, see?” Riley shows her.

“Oh good. Got worried for a second there.” Y/N chuckles.

“Are you nervous to start your new job?” Ben asks her.

“No.” She shakes her head. “I’m actually really excited. The time off has been nice, but I’m eager to get back into it.”

//

Y/N drops off the kids on the first day before going over to the staff lot. The program support assistant, Millie, is waiting for her with a cup of coffee and a warm smile.

“Morning, Y/N.”

“Hi, Millie.”

“Cream no sugar, right?”

“That’s right, thank you so much.”

“Let me lead you upstairs to your office. You have a meeting with the director of development, John, in about half an hour, and then you’ll have a team meeting with the rest of the people on your specific team, the gift processors, customer service. Then at lunch the development team and the alumni team will get together to welcome you.”

“Oh my, well, alright.” She chuckles.

“I put everything on your calendar for you.”

“Thank you.”

Y/N was used to doing everything herself at work, this was already a breath of fresh air. She hoped Riley and Ben had a good morning just the same.

It takes Riley a moment to find her classroom. She stops short when she walks in when she sees Mr. Styles, and another student walks right into her.

“I’m so sorry.” She says to the boy that nearly knocked her over. “Um, I wasn’t sure if this was the right classroom.”

“it’s okay.” He says. “Are you new?”

“Yeah, I’m Riley.”

“I’m Chris.” He smiles. “Wanna sit next to me?”

“Sure!” She says and sits a few rows back with him.

“Where’d you move from?”

“Just form a few towns over. My mom just got a job in the development office here.”

“Oh, cool! My mom works grounds here.”

Riley noticed that Chris had a rainbow pin on his blazer. She smiles at it. He notices her looking at it.

“I…uh…like your pin.”

“Oh, thanks.” He mumbles.

“My best friend back home has a lot of rainbow stuff in her room.”

Chris nods in understanding. More kids come in and claim their seats. The second bell rings, and Mr. Styles closes the door.

“Good morning, everyone.” Riley’s jaw drops at his accent and deep voice.

“Get used to it.” Chris whispers to her. “A lot of the teachers here are from other countries.”

Riley nods and continues to listen to Mr. Styles.

“Welcome to another year at our fabulous school. You’re officially high schoolers!” He grabs the handbook. “Which means there’s even more rules to follow, so let’s get through this together, yeah?”

Mr. Styles was quirky. He cracked jokes and made Riley feel excited to have him for biology. She turned to look at all of the lab benches in the back. She loved science in general, so this was good.

“Lastly, open house for parents will be at the end of the month. They begin at 6PM, so hopefully I’ll be able to meet all your folks. We also have a really fun fall carnival on campus. There’s games, rides, and it also gives a chance for families to see where you go to school. It’s all a part of our homecoming weekend.” The bell rings and everyone stands up. “Riley, could we chat for a second?”

She nods and looks at Chris.

“I can wait outside for you.” He says to her and she feels grateful. Their schedules were just about the same.

“Um, hi.” She says shyly.

“Hi, dear, so I was informed you’re new, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask. Usually we have new students stand up and introduce themselves, but I don’t like making people do that. It’s so forced. I can see you’re already making a friend.” He smiles. “Is it just you that’s new to us? Any siblings?”

“My younger brother is in eighth grade. He has Mr. Horan for homeroom.”

“You don’t say? That’s my best mate, believe it or not. He’s in good hands.”

“That’s good to know. I’m sure it’ll give my mom some peace of mind.”

“I don’t want to make you let, just wanted to give you a more friendly introduction.”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles. See you for bio.”

“See you later.”

Riley was making friends right away thanks to Chris. She had people to sit with at lunch, and she made sure Ben did too. He seemed to be sitting at a full table which was great. Her last class of the day was bio, which was perfect so she’d be near her locker.

“Welcome to honors biology.” Mr. Styles says. “This is a mixed class of ninth and tenth graders. Today we’re going to settle on lab partners, and we’re going to get lab safety out of the way. It’s the bane of my existence, but I need to know you all know how to be safe.”

Chris offers to be Riley’s lab partner even though he had other friends in the class. Mr. Styles writes down who is partnered with who. Then he essentially gives a tour of the classroom. He shows them where all of the lab coats and goggles are, the eyewash station, the sanitation shower, and the other equipment they’ll be using throughout the year.

“Now, in biology, we’ll be learning a lot about plants and animals, and we’ll also get into human anatomy. These subjects can be tough at times to grasp, so please, don’t be afraid to ask questions. I want to make sure I’m explaining things properly. I’m always will to meet after school for extra help as well, or put together a study group.” Mr. Styles explains.

Riley was finding that all of the teachers were really nice so far. She meets Ben after school and they walk over to the staff lot where Y/N was. She had asked to save her lunch hour for 2PM so she could scoot the kids home quick. Her supervisor had no problem with it.

“How was it?”

“Mr. Horan is hilarious, and he’s Irish!”

“Mr. Styles is British! And super nice. I think I’m gonna like it here, Mum. I already made a friend, so I had people to sit with at lunch.”

“Me too!”

It warmed Y/N’s heart to hear that the first day went well. It was all she could have hoped for. She gets them home, set up with a snack, and back out the door she goes. She had a couple of hours left of work anyways, so it was a nice break in the day. The lunch she had earlier with her new colleagues was fantastic. Everyone was welcoming and had no problem showing her the ropes.

When she’s walking to the parking lot around 5PM she notices other people making their way as well. She smiles at a few, and she gets some friendly nods back. She’s parked next to a black range rover, and she was hoping to get to her car before the other owner because she had parked a little too close to them on their driver’s side, but it wasn’t her fault. It was the only open spot when she got back.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Shit, she thinks to herself as she approaches. Not a great first impression to make at all.

“Just crawl in on the other side, H.”

“It’s the principle of the thing! They could have scratched it, or-“

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Y/N yells as she hustles over. “I had to bring my kids home, and this was the only other open spot, and the person previously on the other side of me was parked over the line, so I had to squeeze in, and I know it looks like I’m the asshole, but I swear I’m not.” She panics as she gets her keys out of her purse.

“It’s fine, miss, Harry’s just a jerk when it comes to his fancy car.”

“You sure like riding in my fancy car, so I suggest you shut it.” Harry huffs and looks at Y/N, furrowing his brows. “Look, I’ve had to be nice all day, and I’m exhausted, could you just back out so we can leave?”

“I said I was sorry.” She mumbles. Her eyes widen, though. An Irish accent and a British accent. “Shit, I think you’re my kids’ teachers.” She sighs. “Do the names Riley and Ben ring a bell?”

Harry’s features soften and he runs a hand through his hair.

“You’re Riley’s mum?”

“Yes.”

“Seems like she had a good first day. What department are you working in?”

“I’m the new database manager for the development office.”

“Ben was a delight! Laughed at all my jokes.” Niall says and you smile.

“He said you were funny. Riley liked you too, although now I’m not sure why. Taking a long day out on me. I’m sure the first day is a lot, but it was my first day too, and I’m equally as tired.”

“Maybe you should get home then.” Harry says, and she rolls her eyes.

“Nice meeting you both…well, one of you. I’m sure I’ll see you again, but if not I’ll be at the open house.” She gets into her car and carefully backs out, not scratching Harry’s car.

“You were rude.” Niall says as they both get into the car.

“I paid a lot of money for this car. I park far away for a reason, and someone has to park that close to me?”

“She apologized.”

“Good for her.”

“Harry…”

“Ugh, Francie texted me today, and it just sent me into a fucking spiral, and I had to act like it didn’t all day.”

“What?! When did she text you?”

“After homeroom, she told me to have a good first day. I didn’t even respond.”

“You should just block her number.”

“I haven’t quite reached that point yet, but it’s coming for sure.”

“You still shouldn’t have taken it out on that woman.”

“I’m sure she’ll forget all about it. I’ll be nice next time I see her, alright? Can we please just go get a pint now?”

“You’re the one driving, find a place you wanna go to.”

//

Y/N had successfully avoided the rude Brit that had given her such a tough time on her first day. Riley still raved about him, though. She said he was one of the best teachers she ever had. Ben really enjoyed Mr. Horan as well. He made math fun, which Y/N was grateful for. Ben was never really a good student, but he was doing really well so far.

“I can’t wait for you to go to the open house. Make sure to be super nice.” Riley tells Y/N. “I don’t want my teachers suddenly being mean.”

“It’s not me you have to worry about.” Y/N scoffs.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing, honey. So, you’ll walk me around to all the classrooms, and you wait outside?”

“Mhm.” She beams.

“Mum, wait until you talk to Mr. Horan. He’s going to tell you the best things about me, I just know it.” Ben says.

“I’m looking forward to it, honey.”

Y/N had a draining day on the day of open house, and she just decided to stay on campus. She ended up taking the kid home at two, and told them she could figure out where the classrooms were herself. She got to have a one on one with Mr. Horan first.

“You can just call me Niall. We don’t need to be so formal.”

“Alright.” She smiles. “You can call me Y/N.”

“Ben’s doing really well so far. I was a little nervous at first, but he’s getting the hang of it.”

“Thank god.” She sighs. “So, he’ll be in ninth grade taking algebra one next year, is that okay?”

“Perfectly okay. A lot of students do that.”

“I just wanted to make sure because my daughter is in geometry.”

“Math isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. I was checking out his other grades, and he’s excelling in history.” She nods.

The conversation goes well. Y/N makes it through all of the meetings, and her last one is with Harry. She hears laughing from inside the classroom. The door swoops open, and a couple walks out chuckling with Harry.

“Ah, Mrs. Davidson, come on in.”

“It’s Miss Y/LN, or just Y/N if you want.” She says as she sits down on the chair near his desk. He sits down on his chair.

“My mistake, Riley’s last name is-“

“Her father’s last name. I’ve changed mine back. We’re divorced, didn’t really feel like keeping it.”

“I’m, um, sorry, I know how rough divorce can be.”

“Yeah? Been through it yourself, Mr. Styles?”

“Just call me Harry, and my parents were divorced, so I know enough about it from a child’s perspective.”

“They’re not too keen on their father right now. Classic situation of him cheating on me with a younger woman, which of course they found out about.”

“That’s weird.” He rests his cheek on his fist. “You seem pretty young yourself.”

She blushes slightly and clears her throat.

“Could say the same to you. I had them young, yeah, things happen. I don’t regret it though.”

“Riley’s been a real pleasure to have in class, and she’s fitting right in. She seems to like biology the best.”

“She loves science.” She smiles. “Think she gets that from me. I was really into math and science as a kid.”

“Guess you being a database manager makes sense then. New job treating you well?”

“Yeah.” She cocks her head to the side with a smirk. “Although, my almost perfect first day was just about sullied by a man you bullied me in the parking lot.”

“Okay, okay, I was an ass.” He sighs. “Thanks for bringing it up by the way.”

“Why were you so nasty to me anyways? I’ve been avoiding you.”

He frowns at that.

“My ex…fiancé texted me and wished me a good first day, so it just ruined my day and I had to keep it all bottled up. You parking that close just brought me over the edge. I apologize.”

“Yikes, I’m sorry. Well, at least you got out of it before you got married. You saved a lot of money and time.”

“It’s alright…” He looks away for a moment. “Are you bringing the kids to the carnival? It’s all part of homecoming weekend.”

“Yes, and they’re really excited. I have to work technically since a lot of donors come back. I mostly just need to be on the ball. Their father is coming too since it’s his weekend with them technically. I guess it’s good for him to see where they’re going to school.”

“If you need a break from him I’ll be working the candy apple booth.” He smiles.

“Good to know.” She yawns. “Jesus, sorry. I gotta say, I’m whipped.”

“Makes sense, it’s past eight.”

“That late?!” She stands up immediately, and so does he. “I need to get home to them. Um, well, this was a much better meeting.” She sticks her hand out for him to shake.

“I agree. Don’t be a stranger this weekend.”

She nods and leaves his classroom. Maybe he wasn’t as big of an asshole as she thought. Y/N’s had her fair share of bad days, he was allowed to have them too.

//

“It’s like a college campus, this place is huge!” Joseph says once they’re at the football field of the school.

“Yeah, and there’s a pool! I’m trying out for the winter swim team soon.” Riley tells her dad, in a better mood since he didn’t bring his girlfriend.

“It’s really all free for them?” He asks Y/N.

“Mhm.” She nods. “Okay, here all your meal tickets. I have to bee-bop around since I’m technically working. Have fun with Dad.” She smiles and they lead Joseph off towards some of the rides and games.

Y/N meets up with her colleagues and mingles with some of the donors she hasn’t been able to meet yet. She meets back up with the kids later to go on a few rides, and then goes to get food with them. She spots Harry at the candied apples tent, and she goes over there.

“I knew you’d find me.” He smirks.

“I’ve got a sweet tooth, what can I say?” She shrugs.

“You know, me too. Major sweet tooth.”

For whatever reason that makes her blush.

“Um, so I can I have it dipped in caramel and chocolate?”

“A woman after my own heart! I like mine the same way.” He picks up one of the apples from its stick and dips it in the chocolate first. “Any sprinkles or anything?”

“No, the sauces are fine, thank you.”

“So, where’s the-“

“Hi, Mr. Styles.” Riley says as she, Ben, and Joseph approach. “This is my dad.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Riley’s homeroom and biology teacher.” Harry hands you the apple once it’s done, and then shakes Joseph’s hand. “She’s a real pleasure to have in class.”

“So I’ve heard! Nice to hear it straight form the source, though.” There’s an awkward silence. “Um, well, kids do you want an apple?”

“Yeah!” Ben says and tells Harry what he wants.

Harry’s eyes catch Y/N biting into her apple, and how she licks around her lips. He looks a little too long because Joseph notices, and he clears his throat to snap Harry out of his trance.

“You two about ready to hit the road after this?” He asks them.

“Sure.” Riley shrugs. “Bye, Mr. Styles.”

“Have a good weekend, see you Monday.”

Y/N hugs both of the kids, and nods at Joseph.

“So…no kids this weekend?” Harry says to her.

“Nope. It’s funny, I always look forward to the little break, but by the time Sunday night hits I miss them.”

“Any plans?”

“Just relaxing. I’ll probably catch up on some sleep tomorrow. How about you?”

“A few of us are going to the pub after this…if you’d like to join, you’re welcome to.”

“Oh!” She says a little surprised. “Well, that would be great, actually. I haven’t really had time to explore some of the night life around here yet.”

“I could drive us from here if you like. I can always bring you back to your car.”

“You actually trust me to get into that fancy car of yours? I’m shocked.” She smirks, and he rolls his eyes.

“I apologized for that, didn’t I? Can we move on? Let me give you a ride later.”

“Alright.” She smiles. “Sounds like fun. It would be nice to get to know more people.”

“Great, I’ll find you later then?”

“Sounds good.” She walks away with her apple in hand, and he smiles.

After schmoozing with more alumni and donors, Y/N felt pooped. Did she really feel like going out and drinking? She could easily go home, draw herself a bath, and have a glass of fine all on her own. She had socially interacted so much today, and the thought of doing more was draining. Maybe she could go out with Harry another time. She tries looking around for him, but she’s not sure she spots him.

“Y/N!” She hears from behind her. “You ready?” Harry asks.

“About that…I think I’ve changed my mind…”

“How come?” He says with a slight frown.

“I was very social today, so I’m feeling a little tired. I don’t think I have enough pep in me for drinks tonight…but maybe another time?” She clasps her hands in front of her waist, feeling a little nervous all of a sudden.

“Oh, yeah, I definitely get that. Um, yeah, another time for sure.”

“Thanks, well, see you around, Harry.”

“See you…”

//

“Mum, we’re home!” Ben says Sunday evening as he and Riley come inside.

“Hey.” She smiles. “How was Dad’s?”

“Annoying.” Riley huffs. “I can’t stand Margaret. She, like, tries too hard to be our friends.”

“Mm, well, that’s what happens when a forty-year-old man decides to date a twenty-five-year-old woman. She probably knows how to babysit and be a pal.”

“Doesn’t it gross you out that he’s with someone so much younger?” Ben asks as he plops down on the couch.

“Of course it does. It won’t last long, unless she’s after his money.” She rolls her eyes. “I don’t know why, it’s not like we were living the high life before.”

“Ew, what if he gets her pregnant.” Riley says with disgust. “I don’t want another little sibling, one is plenty.”

“Yeah, and then we’d have to pretend like we’re happy for him. I’m glad we didn’t have to do two nights over there this weekend.”

“Me too.” Riley sighs. “Did you do anything this weekend?” She asks Y/N.

“I just relaxed. Caught up on some TV, nothing special.” She shrugs. “Did you get all your homework done?”

“Yes.” They say in unison.

“Alright, go get ready for bed then.”

Riley and Chris meet at their lockers the next day at school and talk about their weekends. They chat in homeroom about their upcoming biology test. Chris was feeling a little nervous, but Riley was feeling confident. She studied almost all day Sunday. When it was last period, and Harry gave out the tests, her eyes bugged out. She read all of the questions over, and it wasn’t at all what she thought. She looked up at Harry dumbfounded. He was typing away at his computer, answering emails. She walks up to his desk with the test.

“Done already?” He jokes with a whisper.

“Mr. Styles…I don’t know any of this.”

“What do you mean? I gave you a study guide.”

“I…I know you did, but I left it at my mom’s, and so I was going off memory…I think I studied the wrong chapters by accident or something.” Her eyes were about to well up with tears.

“Alright, step out into the hall with me. Did you take notes while you studied?”

“Yeah.”

“Grab them for me.”

He stands up and goes out to the hallway to wait for her. A few of the kids in class were watching, but they get back to their own tests. She hands him her notes, and he makes a few humming noises.

“Right, yeah, you studied the wrong chapters.”

“Ugh, I knew it! So…does this mean I fail?”

“No.” He sighs. “It was an honest mistake, you’ll have to take a makeup exam after school sometime this week, though.”

“I can do it tomorrow! I would just need tonight to study. I could study in class now.”

“Get the rest of your things, I can give you a pass to the library.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Styles.”

“Don’t mention it.”

They both go back inside and she grabs the rest of her things. He writes her the pass and out the door she goes. Chris makes a motion for her to text him before she slips out, and she nods. Tuesday morning, just as Harry was sitting down at his desk with his coffee, he got an interoffice phone call from Y/N.

“Hello?” He answers, voice still deep from sleep.

“Hi, Harry, it’s Y/N.”

“I know…caller ID and all that.” He chuckles.

“Right, well, I wanted to say thank you for letting Riley take her test later this afternoon. She was a wreck last night when she got home.”

“It was an honest mistake. Plus, when I saw how much studying she did I knew I had to give her a chance to just take it later. Do you think she’s prepared enough for later?”

“Oh, definitely. She feels much better. Do you mind if Ben comes to sit in the classroom with her while she takes it? No sense in me zipping him home if she’s going to stay after.”

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

“You’re a life saver, thanks! Talk to you soon.”

“Bye-“ He’s cut off by the sound of the phone clicking on the other end.

Riley stays after class to take her test. Shortly after Ben shyly walks into the classroom and takes a seat. He does his own homework while she takes her test. Forty minutes later, Riley finishes her test, and hands it to Harry.

“I can grade it now if you like since it was all multiple choice.”

“That’d be great.” She smiles.

He looks at his answer key and checks off all her right answers. He writes 92% in big red ink and circles it.

“Well done. I can’t give it back to you until tomorrow, of course, but at least you can rest easy about it.”

“God, what a relief! Guess I’ll be a pro when we reach the chapters I already studied.”

“I bet you will be.”

“Do you mind if we hang out here until our mum’s done with work? She said she was just gonna pull up out front of the building.”

“Sure, I have some other grading to do anyways. In fact, would you like to help? It’s for another class, I could give you the answer key.”

“Yeah!”

Harry sets her up, and he even plays a little music for all of them.

“Mr. Styles?” A boy named Austin walks in. He was a sophomore in Riley’s class. “Thank god you’re still here.” He sighs.

“What’s up, Austin?”

“I was wondering if you graded my test yet? The football coach needs me to fill this progress report slip out. He’s making all of us do it.”

“Oh! Yeah, let me look. I can just tell you your overall grade. Have a seat, it’ll take me a minute.”

He nods and sits down, glancing at Riley briefly. She gives him a small smile and blushes.

“How come you’re here?” He asks her.

“Oh, I needed to make up the test from yesterday. I accidentally studied the wrong chapters.”

“Happens to the best of us.” He smirks. “You’re new to town, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You should come to the football game Friday, since it’s home.”

“Yeah, um, maybe I will.”

“Cool.”

“Alright, Austen, I’ve got your grade.”

He stands up and goes to Harry’s desk.

“Sick, a C+! That’s way better than I thought.”

“Let’s try to keep it that way, yeah?”

“I’ll do my best, thanks.” He walks out of the room and Riley puffs out some air.

“Don’t tell me you have a crush on that guy?” Ben chuckles.

“He’s so cute, I can’t help it. That’s the most he’s ever spoken to me, and now he wants me to go to the game. I have to go Friday, I need to text Chris.”

“If you go, can I go?”

“Sure.” She shrugs. “The more the merrier.”

Riley and Ben had always been close. They were practically best friends. They got a lot closer when their parents were going through the separation/divorce process, leaning on each other for a lot. Harry hear the sound of heels clacking on the floors outside the classroom, and there Y/N is appearing in the doorway looking lovelier than ever. She had a long coat on, synched at the waist, and her hair was down and wavy.

“Hi, kids, ready?” They both get up, and Harry stands as well. “Thanks for letting them hang out for a bit while I finished up.”

“It was no problem. Riley was pretty helpful to me with some grading.”

“How’d the test go?” She asks her daughter.

“Got a 92!”

“Amazing! I think that calls for takeout tonight.”

“You just don’t feel like cooking.” Ben chuckles.

“I’m sorry, are you complaining about getting Chinese food, or?”

“No! Just making an observation.”

“Mhm, okay, let’s go. Have a good night Mr. Styles.” She says to him.

“Same to you.”

On the ride home, Riley gets a text from Chris saying he’s down for the football game on Friday. She sighs with relief, and looks over her mother.

“So…can Ben and I meet up with Chris on Friday? We’d like to go to the football game.”

“A boy asked her to go!”

“Shut up, or you can’t come with me.”

“Hey!” Y/N says. “A boy asked you to go?”

“Well, sort of. He just said I should go if I wanted. I haven’t been to one yet, it could be fun. Chris said the snack bar is pretty stacked.”

“And you’ll keep an eye on your brother?”

“I’m only a year younger than her.” Ben scoffs.

“You’re in the eighth grade, that’s a big difference right now, even if it doesn’t feel like it. What time does the game start?”

“6:30, I think.”

“Sure, you can go. I think that’ll be good for you kids to go to.”

“Awesome, thanks Mum.”

//

“We’re gonna be there anyways, just ask her to tag along.” Niall says to Harry over lunch on Thursday.

“You make it seem like I wanna date her, I just think she’s cute.”

“Just ask her if she wants to go out with us after, would you?”

“Fine, I’ll give her a call right now.” Harry reaches for his phone, and looks up Y/N’s extension. She picks up on the second ring.

“Hey, Harry.”

“Hi, do you have a minute?”

“Sure! Is everything alright with Riley?”

“Yeah…this isn’t about her. It’s more of a personal matter.”

“Oh…what’s up?”

“Niall and I are chaperoning the football game tomorrow night. All of the faculty take turns doing it. We just walk around and make sure no one’s drinking underage. We were wondering if you’d like to join us. We’d be going to the pub after most likely too.”

“I don’t know if I should. Riley and Ben are going to the game, and I don’t want them to feel like I’m hovering around them, you know?”

Niall gestures for the phone and snatches it from Harry.

“Y/N? It’s Niall. Enough excuses, yeah? You’re coming out with us tomorrow night, and that’s final. You need to get more involved with student life.”

“I’m plenty involved!”

“You import and export donor data all day. I bet your kids won’t care.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Y/N did think about it, and then she asked Riley and Ben how they’d feel if she went. They said as long as she wasn’t up their butts they wouldn’t mind. It made things easier for her to drive them there at least. She watches as they meet up with Chris and essentially run off from her. She sighs and looks around for Niall and Harry, suddenly feeling like a loner.

“Oi, there she is!” Niall shouts, handing her a hot chocolate. “This should warm you up quick. You look cold.”

“I didn’t think it would be chilly enough for gloves.” She chuckles. “Thank you.”

“So, basically we just walk around, but we get to enjoy the game for the most part.” Harry explains.

“Is our team any good?”

“We’re decent, yeah. Think our lacrosse players are better to be honest, but they don’t get as much recognition.”

Y/N nods and takes a careful sip of her warm drink. She walks around with the guys, mostly listening to them talk in their accents. It was sort of fun to see all of the parents, staff, faculty, and students at the game cheering the team on.

“See that one, number 11?” Harry says to her, pointing towards the field. “That’s Austin, he asked Riley to come to the game. They’re in my bio class together. I think she likes him.”

“How can you tell?”

“I catch her looking at him from time to time. I might be wicked and assign them a project to work on together.”

“Teachers actually do that?!”

“Oh, sure.” Niall says. “I switch up the seating chart once a term just so I can pair people up. It’s pretty interesting to see what happens.”

“The students gossip to us all the time too.” Harry laughs. “They have no problem sharing personal information.”

“So…you think he might like Riley back?”

“I have no idea, he sits in front of her, and mostly just takes notes.”

“Is he nice?”

“He’s not a dolt if that’s what you’re asking. Definitely not your classic meathead, not to worry, Y/N.”

Y/N nods, and keeps walking around with the guys. The team wins, and everyone cheers. Riley, Ben, and Chris find her in the crowd of people near the exit.

“Mum, can we bowling?” Riley asks.

“With who?”

“Me, Miss Y/L/N.” Chris says and you raise your eyebrows. “Okay, and some of the cheerleaders and football players, but it’ll be fun! It’s cosmic bowling night. My dad said he could drive.”

“Please, Mum.” Ben pouts, and you roll your eyes.

“Alright.” She sighs, and takes her wallet out of her small sling bag. “Here’s some money, have fun. Home by ten, do you hear me? I’ll be out for a bit myself, just in case you get back before me.”

“Where are you going?” Riley asks.

“I’ve made some friends of my own.” She grins. “Go on, have fun.”

“Thank you!” They all say and head off.

“I can follow you both to the pub.” Y/N tells Niall and Harry, and they all walk to the parking lot.

She feels a little nervous going out with them. She had made a few friends so far, mostly her colleagues that she saw every day. There was this weird divide between faculty and staff, so she had noticed. So, Y/N wasn’t sure how welcomed she would be by the others they were meeting up with. She takes a deep breath before getting out of her car, and meeting Harry and Niall at entrance.

“You’re gonna love this place.” Harry says, putting a hand on her shoulder as they go inside. He leads her to a table where a few people were sitting already. “Oi, everyone, this is Y/N, she works in the development office.”

They all look at her and smile, saying hello. Niall takes his seat, and Harry has you sit between the two of them. Y/N learns the names of some other faculty members. Shane, Lora, and Jess. None of them had Y/N’s kids in class so she could rest easier. She found Harry and Niall to be hilarious, often almost choking on her drinks from laughter. She notices that Harry’s rolled his sleeves up, and can’t help but look at his tattoos. He explains a few of them to her. Around 10:05 she got a text from Riley.

Riley: just got in, thanks again for letting us go, it was amazing! When are you home??

Y/N: soon, baby, thanks for checking in

“Well, I should probably get going.” She says to Harry. “My kids just got home, and I don’t like leaving them alone too long when it’s late.”

“Fair enough, can I walk you to your car?” He says, leaning in a little bit. “Just so I know you left safely.”

“Sure, um, that’d be great.” She throws some bills on the table to take care of her tab. “Thank you all so much, I had a great time.”

“See ya, Y/N!” Niall says with a smile. She misses the wink he gives Harry, and Harry mouths ‘be cool’ at him.

“M’just gonna walk her to her car, I’ll be right back.” Harry says, addressing the group before heading out the door with Y/N. “You’re good to drive, right?” He says as they both walk outside.

“Of course, I only had, like, two drinks. You saw me nursing them.”

“Alright, just wanted to be sure.” He watches her fish for her keys out of her bag. “I’m glad you came out tonight.” He rubs the back of his neck. “You’re a lot of fun to be around.”

“Aw, thanks, you’re fun to be around too.” She smiles, biting her bottom lip. He can’t help but let his eyes drift to it.

“Are you in a rush to get home?”

“Well…I…”

“It’s not like they need you to tuck them in, right?”

“N-no…” She raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you…are you making a pass at me?” She was backed up against her car with him a comfortable foot away from her, but she was starting to feel warm.

“Maybe.” He shrugs, stepping a little closer. “Would you feel uncomfortable if I was?” She shakes her head no and swallows.

“Do you do this with all your students’ mums?” She smirks, gaining some confidence back.

“Well, considering that I was in a four year long relationship up until six months ago, I can confidentially say no.” She opens her mouth and smirks. “And no, I don’t usually do this with colleagues either.”

“So…why with me then?”

“You’re cute.” He grins.

“Harry, I…I’m not really looking for anything serious right now, I’ve just started a new job, I bought my own house, I’m juggling teenagers, I can’t start up a relationship.”

“I don’t think I asked you for that. In fact, I haven’t asked for anything, yet.” He says smugly. “M’not looking for anything serious either.”

“Alright, what do you want from me then?” He shifts his weight to his other hip, and just looks at her. Her eyes widen, and her mouth falls open. She looks around, and steps closer to him, barely any space between them now. “You…you want to have sex with me?”

“Why do you sound so surprised? I think you’ve really got it going on.”

“Seriously?”

“Sure, you really know how to fill out a pair of jeans. Your bum looked awfully cute at homecoming.”

“All this coming from the guy who was about ready to murder me for almost scratching his car.” She scoffs.

“I have apologized for that over and over, but clearly my words mean nothing to you…” He puts his hand on her shoulder. “Maybe there’s something else I could do to make it up to you.”

“You’re my kid’s teacher, Harry.”

“Not after 2PM I’m not. Right now I’m just a guy who wants to fuck you.”

“I can’t go back to your place with you right now.”

“My car’s got tinted windows and a spacious back seat.”

“How…how old are you, anyways? I mean, I’m thirty-three, Harry, and you’re a little baby faced. I’m not one of those people who-“

“I’m twenty-nine. Do you wanna go fuck in my car or not? It’s okay if you don’t, I’m not trying to pressure you, but it’s bloody cold out here and I wouldn’t mind warming up.”

Y/N hadn’t had sex with someone in since the last time her and Joseph had sex, which was a few years ago. She also couldn’t remember the last time she had sex in a car, probably when she was a teenager. Was she really about to do this with some she had just started to become decent friends with? Was this is the only reason he wanted to be friends with her?

“Is the only reason you’ve been wanting to invite me out? To get my pants off?”

“No! I genuinely think you’re nice to be around, but I also wouldn’t mind getting your pants off.” He smirks.

“Okay.” She nods. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Really?”

“Quickly, before I change my mind.” He grabs her by the wrist and tugs her towards his car. He unlocks his car and he lets her get in first. He reaches forward to turn the car on so the heat is on and there’s a little music playing. He goes to cup her cheek, and she backs away. “I’m a little nervous.”

“We don’t have to do anything crazy if you don’t want. We could just kiss if you like.”

“I just…it’s been a while for me, you know? Like, a long while, so…I want to, I’m just nervous.”

“How can I help you relax?”

“I guess…um…could I sit on your lap and maybe we could hug for a bit?”

“Sure.” He nods.

She moves to straddle him, and she wraps her arms around his neck. His go around her back, and he rubs her soothingly. He gets a good whiff of her perfume, and it makes him smile.

“Comfortable?” He asks softly. She hums her response and he holds her a little tighter. “I like whatever perfume you’re wearing.” He feels her giggle against him.

“It’s just apple spice.” She mutters into his neck, and moves to look at him. “Nothing special.”

“Well, I like it.” He tucks some hair behind her ear. “Would it be alright If I kissed you now?”

“Yeah.” She smiles.

He licks his lips and presses them to hers. Her eyes flutter closed and she tugs at his hair. His hands squeeze her hips as the kiss deepens. He sucks on her bottom lip, and it makes her whimper. She rolls her hips down on his and he grunts. He kisses sloppily from her mouth, to her jaw, and to her neck. He mouths at her neck, full well knowing he can’t leave a mark, but it doesn’t stop him from licking and sucking a little over the area. She tugs at his hair a little harder and continues grinding against him, feeling his bulge getting harder. His lips move back to hers as his hands roam up her front, hesitating before reaching her breasts. She takes his hands and puts them over her boobs, squeezing his hands over them. He takes over from there, kneading them as best he could over her coat.

She gets frustrated, and get shimmies her coat off. He’s happy to see her nipples peeking through her shirt. He moves to suck on it through the material and she gasps. Her chest was heaving when he came off and looked up at her. Her hands move to unbutton her jeans, and he wastes no time sticking his hand inside. Instead of smirking when he feels how wet she is, he presses his lips back to hers, loving knowing that he was turning her on this much. His fingers move along her folds, and he slips his middle finger inside her gently. He groans when he feels how tight she is.

“Christ, you weren’t kidding. Do you never use anything at home?”

“Who the fuck has the time?!” She huffs as he starts bringing his finger in and out. “M’too exhausted half the time, and even when they’re gone I just do something quick.” A moan leaves her lips when his thumb starts to circle around her clit. Her forehead presses against his, and her eyes pinch closed.

He gets his ring finger inside her as well, and he curls them both up. She moves back and forth on him, riding his fingers. She makes fists with his shirt, and she starts panting. He groans from watching her, and just from the way she feels. He pets against her g-spot, and his thumb works into her clit.

“Oh, oh my god.” She says, biting her bottom lip. “I…I think I’m gonna come.” He doesn’t let up on her, doing his best to get her there. Her whimpers and whines were just egging him on. “Oh, shit, oh, shit!” She cries out as she comes around his fingers. He works her through it, and then retracts his fingers, sucking on them while making eye contact with her.

“Well?” He smirks.

“Do you have any condoms?”

“Yeah, get your pants the rest of the way off.” He lifts her off of him and places her on the seat while he reaches forward into the console, and grabs a condom.

“Aren’t you a little old to be leaving condoms in your car?” She says as he slips her jeans and underwear off.

“Wouldn’t be able to fuck you if I didn’t, would I?” He winks, and undoes his belt and jeans. “Think you’ll be able to ride me reverse, or do you need to go missionary to ease you into it.”

“Don’t be an asshole, I know how to have sex, it’s just bene a while.”

“I wasn’t! I don’t wanna hurt you.” Her eyes widen as he pulls his hard dick from his boxers, rolling the condom on.

“You think you’re the first guy with a larger prick to fuck me? Think I can handle it.”

“Now who’s being the asshole?” He chuckles and grabs her to bring her back to his lap, her back pressed to his chest. He reaches around to rub on her to make sure she’s still wet. “You want this still?”

“Yeah.” She lifts her hips and he lines himself with her, pressing up into center. It’s a tight squeeze, like she thought it would be, but she does her best to relax around him. She nearly shrieks once she’s sat fully on him.

“I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good.” He says into her ear before nibbling on her earlobe.

She hooks an arm around his head while he grips her hips, and her head falls back to his shoulder. He thrusts up into her while rubbing on her clit, and her mouth falls open. She hadn’t felt this good in a long time, this was incredible. She tugs on his hair and helps herself move on him so he doesn’t have to do as much work. He frees up one of his hands to grip and squeeze one of her breasts. She looks up at him and yanks his head down to hers. She licks into his mouth and he moans into her. He sucks on her tongue and her eyes roll back. Between that, his fingers on her slit, and his dick fucking up into her, she was about ready to lose it again. She pants into his mouth as she comes again. He thrusts begin to get sloppy, and then he’s spilling into the condom. They sit there for a moment catching their breaths before she moves off him.

They both get dressed, and Harry throws the condom into a nearby trashcan as he walks her back to her car. Her face was flushed, and she for sure looked like a mess, but she felt good. He cups her cheeks and backs her up against the driver’s side door, kissing her tenderly.

“That was fun.” He says.

“Yeah.” She breathes and looks down at her watch. It was already 11:30. “Shit, I really need to get home. Ben gets worried when I’m out late.”

“Sweet kid.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Well, get home safe and all that.”

“You too.” She smiles and opens her car door. He closes it for her once she’s inside, and she starts the car.

As Y/N drives home it starts to hit her what she just did. She just fucked her child’s biology teacher, who she also happens to technically work with. Never in her life had she done something like this. Maybe in her younger days she would have done something this rebellious, but she had grown up a lot, and she was a professional now. She takes a deep breath before keying into her home. She sighs when she sees the light from the TV coming from the living room. Riley and Ben were passed out on the couch.

“Hey, kids.” She coos. “Wake up, I’m home.”

“Mum?” Ben says sleepily. “Where were you?”

“I…I was out with friends, remember? Um, let’s get you both into bed.”

She turns the TV off as they both slowly make their way upstairs to their bedrooms. Once they’re both in their beds, she goes into her own room, and gasps once she gets a good look at herself in the mirror. Her makeup was smeared, and her hair was a mess.

“Christ, Y/N, what did you do?” She says to herself and sighs.

//

The next day, Y/N was walking around like she had a stick up her ass. Maybe her body wasn’t quite ready for someone of Harry’s size. Nevertheless, she had to get up and start her day. She got some laundry going, did some dusting, and then made some breakfast for the kids. They both come into the kitchen around 10.

“Can you both put your sheets in the laundry room for me? I’m doing a linen load in a bit.” They both nod as she puts two plates of eggs in front of them. “How was bowling?”

“So much fun!” Riley says. “I actually got a strike, I couldn’t believe it.”

“You did?! How’d you manage that?”

“Um…Austin helped me, you know the one in my bio class? He’s really nice.”

“Riley, I’m happy for you and all, but I don’t know if I want you dating yet.”

“I’m not dating anyone! At least I wasn’t the one who stayed out until nearly midnight doing god knows what.”

“I’m an adult, I can do what I want, that’s one. Two, if you and this boy decide you really like each other, I think it’s only fair I get to meet him.”

“Just because he helped me bowl a ball doesn’t mean anything.” She rolls her eyes.

“What about you, did you have fun?” Y/N sighs as she asks Ben.

“Yeah, I hung out in the arcade, it was sick.”

Just as she was sipping on her coffee, Y/N’s phone goes off. It was in front of Riley and Ben, and Riley furrows her brows.

“Who is it?” Y/N asks.

“Um…Mr. Styles. Why is he calling you?”

“I…I have no idea.” She snatches her phone quickly. “H-hello?”

“Hey, Y/N! Just wanted to see how you were.”

“I’m alright, um, I’m in the kitchen with the kids, could you just give me a second?” She leaves the room and goes down the hall to her home office. “Okay…um, how are you?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I just didn’t wanna be a dick and not call.”

“Well, that’s nice of you.” She blinks a few times.

“So…you feel okay about everything?”

“Yeah! Wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t. Little sore, but other than I’m good.” She chuckles slightly and so does he.

“Well, next time I can be a little gentler…if you’d like there to be a next time, that is.”

“You…you don’t want last night to just have been a one-time thing?”

“Not necessarily, I had a good time with you, and I think you had a good time with me.”

“I just…I don’t know how smart it would be to start something up with my kid’s teacher.”

“Well, you already sort of did…”

“Yes, but I think to continue it would be stupid. I don’t want to do anything that could potentially embarrass her. Riley and Ben are really starting to make friends. They were cool about moving here for me, so I want to be-“

“It’s not like we’re dating, Y/N. No one has to know.”

“As if you haven’t told Niall yet.” She scoffs.

“I mean he was curious as to why I didn’t come back to the bar last night, but I didn’t give him the full details. He knows how to keep things to himself.” He pauses for a moment. “Look, I get it, you’re just trying to be a good mum, I can admire that. But after a certain point you need to remember that it’s okay to do things for yourself.”

“Like fuck a guy in a parking lot?”

“Exactly!” He laughs. “You’re still so young, why not let yourself have some fun?

“Harry…”

“All I’m saying is, if you’re ever lonely, or if you can’t sleep…you can call me.”

“I’ll…I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

“Well, I’ll let you get back to them. Probably wondering what we’re talking about.”

“Yeah.”

“Have a good rest of your weekend.”

“You too.”

She hangs up, completely shocked by the conversation she just had with Harry. She goes back out to the kitchen where the kids were waiting with raised eyebrows.

“What did Mr. Styles want?” Riley asks.

“Oh, um, someone left their wallet at the restaurant we all went to last night, that’s all. He was trying to figure out who it belongs to.”

“There was no ID in it?” Ben asks.

“Apparently not.” Y/N shrugs.

//

At first, Y/N wasn’t sure if she wanted to take Harry up on his offer. She genuinely didn’t want to make things difficult for Riley. When mid-November rolled around, it was time for parent-teacher conferences. These were the more serious one on one meetings before the holiday season to make sure students would be able to pass all of their classes. More often than not Y/N found herself meeting with Ben’s teachers than with Riley’s, but Y/N wanted to check in with everyone to make sure her kids were acclimating to the new school fine. What she wasn’t expecting was for Joseph to want to come to the conferences as well. She got away with blushing a little when they saw Niall. He didn’t make anything awkward, but it was when they made their way to Harry’s room that she was starting to feel like she wanted to vomit. The door swings open and two people walk out. Harry steps out and looks into the hallway, smiling when he sees you, then frowning when he sees Joseph.

“Mr. Davidson! How nice to see you again, please come in.” Harry says, gesturing to step inside. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Harry.”

“You can call me Joseph.” Joseph says as he sits down and Harry nods.

Harry and Y/N make eye contact briefly, and then he clears his throat.

“Well, I’m not sure why Riley signed you both up.” Harry chuckles. “She’s doing exceptionally well, and not just in my class. She’s a bright girl.” He takes out a few of her lab reports. “The first semester tends to be easier since we’re learning more about plants and those types of organism. Next semester we get into zoology and human anatomy. I always make it known there’s study groups and after school help. I try to make it as engaging and fun as I can. We even play a few rounds of operation.”

This makes you smile as Joseph furrows his brows at Riley’s lab reports. He nods along with what Harry is saying.

“I’m glad she’s doing so well. She was sort of a big fish in a small pond at her last school.” Joseph says. “I was a little worried she’d feel overwhelmed. This transition for them was really abrupt.”

“They had most of the summer to get used to things.” Y/N says, rolling her eyes. “This isn’t a snotty school either, the teacher’s actually help the students succeed.”

“I’m just saying-“

“Listen.” Harry cuts in. “Seems like you two might have some things to discuss that don’t really involve me. Riley’s doing great, and Niall tells me Ben’s doing just as great. Nothing really more to it.”

Joseph nearly had a decade on Harry, but Harry owned this room. Having Joseph be put in his place definitely did something for Y/N. She can’t help but smirk as Joseph sits up straight.

“Yes, well…thank you. We’ll make sure to relay the message to them.” He says and Harry nods. Joseph stands up, as does Y/N.

“Y/N, did you happen to drive separately? An alum emailed me today, and I have a couple of questions about our donation site.”

“Oh! Sure, I can stay a few moments.” She looks a Joseph. He stands there for a moment, looking between the two of them.

“Goodnight.” He says, and out the door he goes.

“So…what’s your question?”

“I didn’t actually have one.” Harry smirks at her and she blushes.

“Oh.”

“You seemed uncomfortable with him here.”

“I don’t exactly enjoy his company anymore.” She sits slightly on his desk.

“I know, shit like that is just awkward. Francie and I still have some mutual friends, and we’ve had to be at a few of the same parties since the breakup.”

“Can I ask…I mean, you said you were together for four years and engaged…what happened?”

“Why don’t we have this conversation over drinks?” He stands up, grabbing his keys and jacket.

“Harry…it’s a school night.”

“And? It’s only seven. Not like we’re gonna be out all night are we?”

“I have two kids at home.”

“You have two teenagers at home. Come on, just one drink and I’ll tell you everything.”

“And then what?”

“Whatever you want.” He winks and leads you out the door.

//

Y/N texted the kids to let them know she was just grabbing a quick bite, and that she was very proud of their hard work. She followed Harry to a pub, and they grab a booth inside. They each order a drink and munch on some popcorn.

“Alright.” He sighs. “So I was with Francie for four years, and we were engaged for all of five months. It was working out great, we were living together, had a couple of pets, you name it. She works for this tech company, right? So, she got promoted, which was great, but it would have involved her to start traveling a lot, and eventually moving to New York. I didn’t want to move, and she didn’t want to do long distance.”

“Why didn’t you want to move? You could have found another school to work at…”

“It was the principal of the thing! She didn’t even ask, she just expected it, like her job was more important than mine. We started arguing more and more, and when I asked her why we couldn’t just try long distance she said that would make things difficult to start a family, and I said we already had a family, and that opened up a can of worms. She wanted kids and I didn’t. After that we ended it. She took our dog and cat, and left.”

“She took the pets?!”

“Yup! Left me the ring though.” He scoffs.

“Wait…so you don’t want kids?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love kids, I love babies especially. But…I just don’t see myself being a dad.” He shrugs. “It’s a lot of responsibility, a lot of money too. I don’t know if I could take care of someone else. And maybe…when she said it…I had this thought of if I did want kids I wasn’t sure if wanted her to be the mother of them.”

“It took you that long to have that kind of conversation?”

“What about you? Did you and your ex have a proper discussion about it?”

“No, he knocked me up, proposed later that year, and we got married in a courthouse while I was seven months pregnant.” She finishes her drink. “Just like a fairytale. Then when he promised we could have a real wedding, I got pregnant with Ben, and all that money went to him. S’alright, though, it would have been a waste of money.”

“Can I ask why you got divorced?”

“Well, the age difference was one thing. He’s seven years older than me, which may not seem like much, but it was. I felt like I couldn’t talk to him sometimes. Then he decided to cheat on me with some other young thing, so we went from separated to divorced real quick.”

“I’m so sorry.” He frowns slightly.

“Don’t be, it was a while ago. I think things worked out for the best. We’re all doing better now.”

“I think it’s admirable that you’ve turned your life around the way you have.”

“Thanks.” She smiles and he finishes off his drink. Once they pay their tab they head out. “I think it’s too cold to do what we did last time.”

“And I couldn’t persuade you to come back to my place for a bit?”

She looks down at her watch and sees it’s already 8:30. She sighs, biting her bottom lip.

“I…I want to, and if I didn’t have two kids at home waiting for me I would. Maybe…maybe you should find someone else to be your little fuck buddy. I’m not easy to be with.”

“Maybe that’s what I like about you.” He says, leaning forward so his lips brush yours, kissing you quickly before backing away. “Have a good night, Y/N.”

She groans once she’s in the car. When she gets home both Riley and Ben are in their rooms unwinding. She says hello and goes to her own room to get ready for bed. Y/N wonders what she would have done with Harry at his place. How he would have touched her and kissed her all over. She sighs and gets into bed, aggravated as fuck.

//

It was Thanksgiving weekend when Y/N took her next shot with Harry. The kids spent Thanksgiving day with her, and they had the rest of the weekend to be with Joseph. When Saturday night rolled around she was bored and lonely, so she called him.

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hi, Y/N. Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?”

“I did…although, I have way too many leftovers.”

“You don’t say?”

“Yeah! Um, you wouldn’t happen to be hungry, would you?”

“Starved.”

“Great, well, if you’d like to come over you can.”

“I can be there within the house. Just text me your address.”

He had assumed Riley and Ben weren’t home. He needed to take a quick shower before coming to see her, and she needed to do the same. She wanted to be as fresh as possible for him. When she heard the doorbell, she raced down the stairs to open it.

“So, I can heat up whatever-mph!” He had gripped her cheeks and pulled her into him, kissing her passionately.

“I didn’t actually come here to eat.” He breathes. “Well, I did…but not food.” He smirks and lifts her up. She wraps her legs around his waist and kisses on his neck as he carries her upstairs. “Where’s your bedroom?”

“Last door on the right.” She mumbles into his hot skin.

He gets her in the bedroom, and sets her down. He starts taking his clothes off, and she does the same. He knees onto the bed to hover over her, and he kisses her, sucking on her bottom lip.

“Glad you finally called me for this.” He says as he licks around her nipple.

“You could have called me.”

“Didn’t want to look any more desperate.”

He nips at her stomach as he works his way down, giving her little to no warning before he licks into her. She gasps, gripping onto his hair. She bites her bottom lip as she feels his warm tongue lapping away at her. He sucks on her clit and slips two fingers inside her.

“When was the last time someone made you feel this good, hm? When was the last time someone made you this wet?”

“Wh-whenever the first time we hooked up was.” She whimpers.

“And before that?” He kitten licks at her clit now.

“God, I have no idea!” She moans out as his fingers pet inside her against her g-spot. He struggles to get a third finger in, so he doesn’t bother.

“Tighter than a fucking finger trap you know that?”

“I told you, I don’t make time to-oh!”

He started sucking on her clit again, and pumping his fingers quickly. She was squirming underneath him, panting and moaning loudly. She cries out as she comes, and he pumps his fingers slowly as her hips move along with his motions.

“Condoms?” He asks when he pops up.

“You don’t me to, um…?”

“Another time, I don’t think I’d last very long if you sucked on me.” He had been rutting himself against the mattress. She nods and reaches into her bedside drawer for a condom she toss it to him and watches as he rolls it on. “Roll over.”

She does as he says, and gets on her elbows and knees for him. He grips her hips, and lines himself up with her, pushing inside. It’s a tight squeeze, but he gets in no problem. They both moan out from the feeling. He reaches around to rub her clit, and she collapses onto the bed.

“God, just do what you want with me, Harry.” She grunts, and he moans from behind her.

“You’re so fucking sexy, you have no idea. Come for me, Y/N, come on.”

She cries out into her pillow, and he spills into the condom. Somehow after they both got cleaned up they ended up back in bed together. Harry through his arm around Y/N and pulled her to his chest.

“What are you doing?” She giggles.

“Cuddling you.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel like it.”

She laughs, but doesn’t fight him on it. Then…they fell asleep. It was a total accident, Harry never intended to spend the night. He just wanted to cuddle for a bit before heading out. He was more tired than he thought, and so was she. She nudges him awake.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He says, knuckling at his eyes.

“It’s okay. Would you like to take a shower with me?”

“I would.” He smiles and gets up with her.

It was the dirtiest shower she had ever taken. He had gotten on his knees to eat her out, and then he lifted her up, fucking her into the bathroom tile wall. She left many scratch marks on his back, and then he came on her stomach. They got cleaned up for real after that, and headed downstairs for some coffee. Just as she was about to offer him some breakfast, she heard the front door open.

“Oh my god!” She whisper screams. “They’re not supposed to be back until later!”

“Be cool, Y/N.” Harry says.

“But-“

“Mum, we’re…Mr. Styles?” Riley says as she comes in with Ben. “What…what’s going on?”

“I should ask you the same. Why’s your father bring you back so soon?”

“We asked if he could.” Ben says. “Can only handle so much of his girlfriend.”

“So…Mr. Styles, um, no offense, but what are you doing here?”

“Well, your mum just so happens to be one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She had all these leftovers and asked me if I’d like any, and I said yes. I may be a Brit, but I love Thanksgiving dishes. So I came right over. Just got here a couple minutes before you did.”

“Yeah, I was just about to pull the food out. Why don’t you two go put your things away?”

Riley furrows her brows, but shrugs it off, and goes with Ben upstairs.

“You’re quick on your feet.”

“Wasn’t a total lie.” Harry says, finishing his coffee. “I better get going.” She walks him to the front door, and he gives her a sneaky kiss along with a bum squeeze. “See you soon, I hope.”

“Definitely.” She smiles. “Bye.” She opens the door for him and out he goes. She sighs happily, and goes into the kitchen to make a little breakfast.

//

Riley was a little suspicious after that morning. She spent most mornings in homeroom analyzing Harry’s features. He was his usual chipper self, but there was certainly an extra pep in his step. Then in biology it was the same thing.

“Riley?” Austin was standing in front of her desk, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Oh, hey.” She smiles. “What’s up?”

“Are you free this Friday?”

“I…I think so.”

“Would you wanna go to the movies?” He runs a hand through his hair and she swallows.

“This is gonna sound really lame, but I need to ask my mom first.”

He chuckles slightly at that.

“No worries, let me know if she says yes.”

“I will.” Austin goes to his seat, and Riley looks at Chris who was giving her a thumbs up.

“Alright, if we could all settle down?” Harry says. “Today we’re going over fungi cells so I need all of your attention on me.”

Harry liked attention in general, probably one of the reasons he wanted to be a teacher in the first place. He just happened to also enjoy biology and he was good at explaining it to the youths. During class Riley felt her phone buzz, and saw she had a text from Ben.

Ben: reminder that I have a doctor’s appointment, so you have to wait after school for Mum to come get you

Riley: okay thanks, I’ll just go to the library to wait for her

“Riley!” She snaps her eyes up at the harsh tone from her teacher. “Is that your phone?”

“Y-yes…I’m sorry, Mr. Styles, my brother-“

“I don’t care.” He shakes his head. “You know the policy.” He gestures for her to give it to him.

“But he was just-“

“Is it an emergency?”

“No.”

“Alright then, give it here.” Everyone was looking at her, and it made her face flush. She gets up and walks towards him to hand over her phone. He takes it puts it in his desk drawer. “You can have it back after class.”

She nods, and goes back to her seat. After class she walks out, completely forgetting she had her phone taken away. She gets settled in the library, and gets some homework done. She was there for over an hour until Y/N showed up in a huff.

“Riley Davidson, I’ve been calling you for fifteen minutes!”

“Mum, be quiet!”

“If your brother hadn’t told me you were in the library I never would have found you. Where the hell is your phone?”

“It’s…oh shit.” She says as she packs up.

“What?”

“I forgot that Mr. Styles took it from me.”

“He what?!”

“Ben texted me while I was in class, and I texted back. He caught me, and took it away from me. It’s the policy.”

“I don’t give a fuck, that’s your property. Come on, hopefully he’s still here.”

He was. When they walk in, he was writing something on the whiteboard, furrowing his eyebrows. Looked like it was a chemistry equation. Y/N clears her throat to get his attention.

“Oh, hello ladies.”

“Where do you get off taking my daughter’s phone?”

“Oh! I completely forgot about that. You left right after class, Riley.” Harry goes into his desk and grabs the phone. “Here you are.”

“Thanks.” She says as she swipes through to check any notifications she may have missed.

“It’s the policy, Y/N.”

“What if I got in a car accident and someone needed to reach her? Then what?”

“Did that happen?” He crosses his arms.

“No, but it could have.”

“But it didn’t. There’s no texting in class, no phone use of any kind, actually.”

“Mum, it’s fine, we can-“

“Excuse me, but that’s her property. If I need to get in touch with her, or if her brother does, then she should be able to send a quick text. It’s not like she was scrolling through Instagram.”

“But she could have been.”

“But she wasn’t!”

“Maybe you should hover over a little less, hm? Kids rely on their phones so much because their parents are constantly trying to see what they’re up to.”

Y/N takes her keys out from her purse, and hands them to Riley.

“I’m parked out front, go start the car for me. I’ll be just be another minute.” Riley nods and leaves quickly, knowing how bad it can be to be scolded by her mother. She certainly didn’t want to watch her favorite teacher get bitched out. “You don’t have kids, so I wouldn’t expect you to understand-“

“I have dozens of kids, actually. Ones that come to see me to talk to me about their problems, I’m also always studying trends of the today’s students, so don’t stand there and-“

“Do not interrupt me when I’m speaking.�� She says firmly, and he closes his mouth. “You may speak when I’m finished, Mr. Styles. I’m a single mom doing my best for my kids. I will not be lectured in front of my daughter about being a helicopter parents because I’m not. However, I’m doing the job of two while my ex gets to be a weekend dad, who my kids don’t even want to see. It’s my fault Ben texted her at the time he did, alright? I asked him to remind her that I wouldn’t be picking her up until later because I had to take him to a doctor’s appointment.”

“May I?” She gestures that he can speak. “She didn’t need to text him back right then. It’s the school policy to take a phone away if we see it out, I was just doing my job.”

“Well, you should have remembered you took it so you could have given it back to her! I was sitting in the car for nearly twenty minutes waiting for her, I was starting to get worried.” Y/N pouts, and even though this was a very serious matter, Harry couldn’t help notice the blood starting to flow right to his prick.

“I’m very sorry about that.” He puts his hand on her shoulder, and she glances at it before looking at him. “I take ownership for that mistake. I feel terrible that I even caused an ounce of worry. If there’s anything I can do to make it better, please let me know.” His tone was condescending and seductive all at the same time.

She places her hand on his and removes it from her shoulder.

“Have a nice evening.” She says.

“Same to you.” He smirks.

Y/N makes her way to her car, and sighs heavily once she’s in there with Riley.

“Please don’t tell me you just yelled at him. He’s my favorite teacher, Mum.”

“No, we had a very adult conversation, and he apologized for not giving you back your phone when he should have after class.”

“I guess I could’ve waited to text Ben back. I’m sorry I caused all this.”

“It’s not your fault, honey, it’s fine.” She smiles at her daughter and they make their way home.

“I…I was asked to the movies this Friday, can I go?”

“With who?”

“Austin.”

“I’d like him to come to the house first so I can meet him properly. You’ve been hanging out in groups with him. Would this be one on one?”

“I think so. I can ask him if he minds coming inside first before we go.”

“That would be great.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you…are you and Mr. Styles, like, seeing each other?”

“What would ever give you that idea?!”

“I just think it’s weird that he was at our house.”

“We’ve become friends, you know I hang out with him and Mr. Horan sometimes.”

“Yeah, but Mr. Horan wasn’t there. It was just you and Mr. Styles, and you both had wet hair.”

“I had showered before he swung by, he must have done the same.” Y/N shrugs. “We’re just friends, honey, nothing more.”

“Okay.”

Y/N could tell Riley didn’t quite believe her, but she knew her daughter wouldn’t press her on it more for now. Not if she wanted to go to the movies with Austin.

//

“It’s nice to meet you, uh-“

“You can just call me Miss Y/L/N, it’s nice to meet you too, Austin.” Y/N smiles. They were all standing in the front hall. “So…it’s just you two going to the movies?”

“That’s the plan.” He says with an innocent smile.

“Have her home by 10:30, please.”

“Can do.”

“Thanks, Mum.”

“Have fun.” She sighs and turns around to Ben. “What about you? No plans?”

“Not tonight. I was just gonna play video games.”

“Well, if you’d like to have a friend over-“ Her cell phone goes off and she furrows her brows. “One second, sweetie.” She goes into the kitchen for some more privacy. “Harry?”

“Hey, what are you up to tonight?”

“Hanging out with my son…why?”

“Oh, they’re not with their dad this weekend?”

“No, they were with him last weekend.” She sighs.

“Damn.”

“Why?”

“Well, Niall and a few other people were gonna go to this place where you can throw axes, and we thought you’d like to come.”

“That sounds like…fun? Um, but I can’t just leave Ben here alone. I’d feel terrible since Riley’s out.”

“Hey, Mum?”

“Honey, I’m on the phone.”

“I know, sorry, Kyle just texted me and asked me if I wanted to sleep over. I know it’s last minute, but-“

“You can go! You can definitely go, I’ll even drop you off.”

“You’re the best! I’m gonna go pack up my stuff.” Ben races out of the kitchen.

“Guess that just solved itself.” Harry says.

“Guess so.”

“Let me come pick you up. Text me when you get back from dropping him off, yeah?”

“Alright.”

Y/N gets herself ready, and then drives Ben to Kyle’s house for his sleepover.

“Why do you look so nice?” He asks on the way there.

“Well, I made plans with my own friends since you and Riley are out. Is that okay?” She chuckles.

“S’fine.” He shrugs. “Feel like you’ve been going out a lot lately. Are you, like, dating?”

“No, baby, I’m not dating. But I am making good friends, which has been nice. I didn’t have many friends back in our old town. Too many judgey moms.” She pulls up to Kyle’s house. “Have a great time, call me if you need me.”

“I will, thanks!”

She watches Ben go inside, and then she makes her way back home to wait for Harry. She liked his car a lot, and it would be nice to actually go for a drive in it, instead of just riding him in it. Y/N was shocked when she heard the doorbell.

“You didn’t have to come to the door.” She says as she steps outside.

“Sure I did. I may be just trying to fuck, but I’m a gentleman at the end of the day.” He smirks as he opens the car door for her. She rolls her eyes at him, and climbs in.

“This really is a nice car.” She says as she looks around.

“Saved up a long time for it.” He places his hand on her thigh as he backs out of the driveway, and he keeps it there.

“So, an axe throwing place?”

“It’s all the rage right now. You can drink and throw axes, it’s pretty cool. I’ve been once before it’s a hoot.” He chuckles and squeezes her thigh slightly. “I’m glad you were able to get out for a bit.”

“Me too.”

She lets him keep his hand on her leg for the entire ride as they chat over the music. He parks the car, and gets out, jogging around to the other side to open the door for her. She smiles at him, and they both head inside. He even gets them their drinks from the bar. It was starting to feel like a date, especially when she only saw Niall with one other person, some woman she had yet to meet.

“Y/N, this is my girlfriend Anna.” Niall says.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Y/N says to her. Harry comes over and hands her a drink. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. We all set?” He asks Niall.

“Yeah, we all just need to sign the release forms.”

They all sign and are brought over to the axe throwing area. They’re told how to do it, and they get going. Harry and Niall go first, and of course their axes stick. Y/N takes a deep breath, and throws her, but it doesn’t stick.

“That’s alright, give it another go.” Harry encourages her.

“I…I don’t think I threw it quite right.” She says to him.

“Would you like some help?” She nods yes at him and he steps closer to her, putting his hand on her back. “You need to release from this point, okay? Give it all you got.” He steps back and lets her throw it. It sticks and she squeals, turning to hug him. “I knew you could do it!”

Anna hits her target as well. The four of them were having a great time. Once their time is up, they all grab table for food. Y/N checks her phone, it was just about nine. No texts from the kids. She hoped Riley was having a nice time on her date, and that Austin was being respectful during their movie.

“Miss?” The waitress says to her.

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry. Um…” She looks at the menu and then to Harry. Everyone else had clearly ordered.

“She’ll have the same as me, thanks, love.” Harry hands the waitress the menus and then looks at Y/N. “You like turkey burgers, right?”

“Yeah, sorry about that. My daughter’s on her first date, and I was just checking my phone to see if she had text me or anything.”

“You have a daughter that’s old enough to date?!” Anna says, shocked. “What’s your secret, girl? You look fantastic!” She laughs, and so does everyone else.

“I was a young mum, nothing more than that.” Y/N chuckles. “She’s only fourteen, a freshman out with a sophomore boy from her biology class. It’s cute, really, he’s on the football team and she’s been to a few of his games. They’ve been hanging out in groups, but tonight is the first one on one.” She takes a sip of her drink. “Listen to me, it sounds like I’m recapping an episode of The Bachelor.”

“Do you have any other kids, or just the one?” Anna asks.

“I have a son, Ben, he’s thirteen. Niall’s his teacher actually.”

“Yup, great kid. Harry has Y/N’s daughter in class too.” Niall tells her.

“Is that how you two met?” Anna asks, and you smirk.

“No, actually, the three of us met because I parked too close to Harry’s precious car in the staff lot. I work in our development office.” She sips her drink smirking at Harry who had slumped in the booth. “He yelled at me, it was quite the meet cute.”

“Yikes, I’ve never seen Harry yell before.” Anna says. “You’re usually so calm.”

“I’ve had that car for two years, not a scratch on it, and I’d like to keep it that way.” Harry says. “It’s all water under the bridge now.” He puts his arm around Y/N, smiling down at her.

There’s more talking during the meal. Y/N really liked the turkey burger Harry had ordered for her. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. It was about ten, and Y/N wanted to get home before Riley like a responsible adult. She tells Harry this, and he nods.

“It was really nice meeting you, Anna.” Y/N tells her again.

“Same to you, have a nice night.” They all part ways in the parking lot. “Oh, I like her so much better than Francie already.” She tells Niall.

“Me too.” Niall sighs. “But you know they’re not really dating.”

“I know, I know, but this was a very nice glimpse for them to see what a date could be like. They were so cute with each other.”

“I agree, I just think Harry’s still on the rebound. I also don’t think he’s mature enough to be dating a woman with two teenagers. Little kids maybe, but teenagers? That’s a lot to take on. Besides, what if he wants kids? Y/N’s in her early thirties, she probably wouldn’t want more.”

“Isn’t that what Harry and Francie broke up over? She wanted kids and he didn’t.” Anna shrugs. “Let them figure it out.”

Y/N and Harry were parked in her driveway making out. The damn console was in the way, but he was still able to get his tongue into her mouth. Her hands were in his hair, tugging him closer to her even though she knew she needed to get out of the car.

“Harry.” She breathes as he starts kissing on her neck. “I…I need to go inside. I can’t be out here like this when Riley gets home.” She gasps when she feels his teeth nip at her skin, and then he pulls away, almost glaring at her.

“Man, nothing to kill a hard on more than a mention of a student’s name.” He huffs.

“I told you…this might be easier for you if you wanted to fuck someone without kids.”

“Well, I’m kinda hooked on you now, so I can’t do that.” His thumb brushes her bottom lip as he cups her cheek. He leans in to kiss her again. “Do you think we could get together tomorrow since it seems like we can’t fool around tonight?”

“Sure, I have some errands I need to run anyways, so I can add you to the list.” She winks. “I’ll text you.”

“Alright, sounds good.” He chuckles. “I had a lot of fun tonight.”

“So did I, goodnight.” She smiles and hops out of the car. She quickly gets herself inside.

Harry backs out of the driveway just as Austin pulls up with Riley.

“Whoa, who do you know with a range rover?” Austin asks.

“That’s…Mr. Styles’ car.” She swallows as she watches him drive away. “He’s friends with my mom. She texted me saying she was seeing some friends tonight, I guess he drove her.”

“Cool.” Austin says. “I’ll walk you to your door.” He does so, and they linger there for a moment. They hug each other, and he gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Can we do this again sometime?”

“I’d like that.” She smiles.

“Great, well, have a good night.”

“You too. Thanks again.” Her heart soars as she goes inside. She finds Y/N sitting on the couch watching TV.

“How was the movie?”

“Really funny.” Riley plops down next to her. “Where’s Ben?”

“Sleeping at Kyle’s.”

“Oh, nice. So…where did you go tonight?”

“To this axe throwing place. It was fun, look.” She takes her phone and shows Riley a video of her throwing an axe and it sticking to the wooden target.

“Cool! You went there with Mr. Styles?”

“Mhm, and Mr. Horan and his girlfriend Anna.”

“Oh my god, Mum.” Riley gasps. “You went on a double date!”

“I did not.” Y/N scoffs.

“Did Mr. Styles pay for anything?”

“Well…yeah, he did, but he said it was just easier.” Riley gives her a look. “What?”

“Mum, he definitely was making a move!”

“And what do you know about moves, hm?”

“Apparently more than you. You two should go out one on one and see how it goes.”

“I’ve done that with him before.” Y/N shrugs. “We’re just friends, Riley.”

“He drove you tonight, right? I saw him pulling out of the driveway when I got home.”

“He offered to drive, yeah, and I accepted. He’s got a really nice car, thought it would be fun to go for a ride in it.” Y/N blushes slightly, annoyed at her own innuendo. “I’m not dating your teacher, don’t worry.”

“I wouldn’t hate it.” Riley shrugs. “You deserve to have someone, Mum. Dad’s out there with miss thing living what he perceives as his best life, you should do the same.”

“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.” Y/N sighs. “I don’t have time for it. If Ben hadn’t gone to Kyle’s I wouldn’t have been able to go out tonight.”

“He can stay at home by himself.”

“But I would have felt bad about it. I like being home when you guys are home.”

“We’re not babies, that’s all I’m saying.” She twiddles her thumbs. “Plus, he’s super cute, so-“

“Riley!” Y/N chuckles and throws a pillow at her. “Don’t talk about your teacher like that.”

“He is! I don’t have a crush on him, but anyone with eyes can see how cute he is, Mum.”

“I’ll agree with that, he’s very cute.” She yawns. “Well, now that you’re home I’m gonna go up to bed. Was Austin respectful and all that tonight?”

“Very.” Riley smiles. “He asked me if I wanted to do it again sometime. I’m excited about him.”

“It’s a nice feeling, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Y/N hoped the feeling would never fade for her daughter because she knew all too well how it felt when it does.

//

The next day, after Ben got dropped off, Y/N told the kids she was going out to run some errands, and asked them to get some chores done while she was gone. She genuinely needed to get some things while she was out, so she did that before going over to Harry’s. It felt odd to be going over to his place in the middle of the day for a dick appointment, as the kids would say, but this was happening. She pulls up to a nice duplex, and she recognizes Niall’s car in the other driveway. She texts Harry that she’s down front, and she sees the front door open on one side. She gets out of her car and greets him.

“Find it alright?” He says to her as he lets her in.

“Mhm, this is a cool place.”

“Thanks, Niall and I bought it together, like, five or so years ago. We fixed up one side and then the other.”

“So he gets one side and you the other?”

“Yup, worked out well. I’ve redecorated recently, for, um, obvious reasons.”

“Right, trust me I know how hard it can be living in the same place where good and bad memories were made.”

“Is that why you came out here?”

“One of the reasons she sighs as she kicks her shoes off. “I needed a fresh start.”

He hums his response as he cups her jaw in his large hands, bringing his lips to hers.

“How long do you have?” He says against her lips.

“An hour at most. I have to go to the grocery store after this.”

“Oh.” He smirks. “You won’t be going to the store after this.”

“Wh-why not?” She swallows.

“Because you’re not gonna be able to walk when I’m done with you.” He bends down and lifts her up over his shoulder and she squeals.

“Harry!” She giggles as he brings upstairs to his room. Fuck, he was strong. “What will I tell my kids when I’m walking funny?”

“Tell them good old Mr. Styles cracked your spine in half, I’m sure that’ll go over well.” He drops her on his bed, and gets his shirt off. She looks up wide eyed at him. “Oh, love, I’m not actually gonna do that.”

“I know, I’ve just never seen your tattoos in the daylight like this. I mean when we showered I sort of did, but…they’re so pretty.”

His features soften and he picks her up again, getting himself on the bed and laying her down. He sucks on her bottom lip as she wraps her arms and legs around him. His hands work to undo her jeans, and he tugs them down past her bum. She kicks them off the rest of the way, and he pets her over her underwear. She moans into his mouth, and his dips his fingers inside, sliding along her slit. She could feel him growing hard against her hip.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you blow me for a bit?”

“Of course! Lay down.”

He gives her a relieved smile and lays back on the bed. She gets between his legs and does his pants. She gets them off and tugs his boxers down. She kisses his tip first, then gives his shaft kisses before licking him up and down. She looks up at him and sees he’s already watching her. She smirks and wraps her lips around his tip, sinking down on him as much as she could.

“Yeah, just like that.” He groans. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

She moans against him and bobs her head up and down. This wasn’t her favorite thing to do in the world, but she didn’t mind do it for it for Harry since he was so attentive with her. She gets him to the brink of coming, and then he pulls her off of him. He gets her naked, and opens her legs up, diving right in. The flat of his tongue sliding up her center to her clit. He sucks both of her lips, one at a time before focusing on her clit again. Two of his fingers slip inside her, and her eyes roll back. He has her crying out moments later, and before she knows it he’s getting a condom on.

“Can I go on top?” She asks.

“Sure.” He shrugs and lays down, his cock stiff and ready for her.

She swings her leg over him, and rubs his tip over her clit before sinking down on his. His hands grip her hips as she moves around in a circle to get comfortable. She moves herself on and off his cock, enjoying the stretch he’s giving her. When she gets a little tired she comes down to him chest to chest, and kisses him. His hands slide to her ass, and he moves her on him. He thrusts in and out of her, and she moans into his neck.

“Like the way I feel like this?” He grunts.

“Yes, fuck.” She mumbles. Her clit was rubbing against him perfectly, and she was trying to concentrate on that. “Don’t stop what you’re doing.” She tugs at his hair and he nearly growls.

He thrusts into her faster and faster, it has her panting and moaning. His tip was hitting her g-spot, so the whole thing was really overwhelming. She moans out his name loudly as she comes, and he fucks her through it. He lifts her off of him, and sets her down on her stomach. He gets behind her and pushes back inside. She gasps, but it feels good. He fucks her from behind until he comes, and collapses on top of her. He holds her for a moment before pulling out and getting rid of the condom. She uses the bathroom, and gets dressed. He throws on a pair of boxers and a sweatshirt.

“Thanks for adding me to your list of errands.” He says to her as they stand in his front hall. She giggles into his chest as he hugs her and kisses the top of her head.

“My legs are working just fine, by the way. But I’m too tired to go grocery shopping now.”

“Well, you only gave me a bloody hour, love, and you made me come really fast.” He pouts. “Can’t seem to last that long with you.”

“Maybe you should jerk off before I come over next time so you can handle it.” She grins and he rolls his eyes.

“You came twice didn’t you?” She nods yes. “Alright then, quit your complaining. Go on, get outta my house.” He pats her bum and kisses her one more time. “Enjoy the rest of your weekend.”

“You too.” Y/N drove home with a smile on her face the whole way.

//

Things were like this most weekends, especially when the kids were at Joseph’s. Harry would come over on Friday night instead of Saturday in case he fell asleep. Plus if he stayed the night that meant they could have sex most of the day Saturday, which was really nice. Y/N was having a lot of fun with Harry. Sometimes they’d meet up with Anna and Niall to go bowling, or catch a movie. In a way it felt like dating, but there was absolutely zero pressure. It was the exact companion ship she had hoped for.

When the holidays rolled around, she got the kids for Christmas, and Joseph got them for New Year’s, which meant Y/N could go to the party Harry was having. Apparently it was an annual thing. There were a lot of people from school there so she felt right at home. Y/N hadn’t had a New Year’s kiss in quite some time, so it wasn’t even on her mind until all of the couples migrated towards each other as it got closer to midnight.

Harry was wandering through his home trying to find her. She was in the kitchen refilling her drink. He lets out a sigh of relief. He could hear people starting the countdown.

“Christ, there you are!” He says to her, pulling her into him.

“You were looking for me?”

“Course I was, who else am I gonna kiss, hm?” They hear everyone yell ‘one’ and he plants one on her. She thought it would be a simple peck since there were people around, but no, Harry full on kissed her. “Happy New Year.” He breathes and then kisses her forehead.

“Happy New Year.” She says faintly as he walks away from her to continue being a good host. She was one of the last people there, feeling drained at nearly two in the morning. She was getting her coat, about ready to say goodbye when he looked at her funny. “What?”

“Where do you think you’re going at this hour?”

“Home.”

“Nope, sorry, m’afraid you’re staying with me tonight. Get that coat off, now.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Is that so?”

“it is.” He nods, and she smirks at him stepping closer to him.

“Make me.” She grins and his eyebrows raise.

“Right.”

Before she knows it she’s being picked up and carried to his room. They both giggle as he gets her in his room. He gets her jacket and boots off, and he tosses her one of his bed shirts.

“What’s this for?” She asks as she holds the shirt up.

“To sleep? Can’t fuck you right now, I’m knackered.”

“Oh.” She blushes. “Alright, well, thank you. Um…you wouldn’t happen to have a spare toothbrush and a washcloth then would you?”

“Sure, I’ll pull that out of the linen closet for you, one second.” He leaves the bedroom and comes back shortly and gives her what she asked for.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” He shrugs and starts taking his clothes. “Feel free to use the bathroom first.”

She nods and does so. She liked the way his shirt fit, how it hugged her thighs and just barely covered her bum. She washes up and shyly pads back into the bedroom. He smiles when he sees her, and watches as she crawls onto the bed.

“Well, don’t you look cute.” He pinches her thigh as she settled.

“Oh! Don’t do that.” She swats his hand away and he chuckles, getting up from the bed.

“Back in a tick.”

He shuts the lights off once he’s done in the bathroom, and gets into bed with her. She felt awkward until he yanked her onto his chest.

“You can be pretty forceful sometimes, you know that?”

“Does it bother you?”

“Not really, it’s not like I don’t feel safe.”

“You feel safe with me?” He asks softly.

“I do.” She feels him hold her a little closer.

“I just want what I want when I want it I guess.”

“So I’ve noticed. I like a man that knows what he wants, though, so it’s not like it’s a turn off.

“Aw, so you feel safe with me and you like me. A Happy New Year indeed.” She sucks her teeth at that and it makes him laugh. “What’s wrong, can’t take a bit of teasing?”

“I can, you’re just annoying.” She nudges him and he kisses the top of her head.

“You’re fun, Y/N.” He chuckles.

“Let’s get some sleep so you can fuck me in the morning, yeah?”

“I like the way you think.” He sighs and lets his eyes droop closed.

Y/N and Harry spent most of New Year’s day in his best, and neither of them would have had it any other way.

//

“Y/N?” One of her student workers comes into her office. “Mr. Horan from the math department is here to see you.”

“He is?” She raises an eyebrow. “Um, alright, he can come in.” The girl nods and lets Niall in. He closes the door behind him. “Is everything alright with Ben?”

“Yeah, this isn’t work related.”

“Oh…alright, would you like to have a seat?”

“No, it won’t take long…um…did you know Harry’s birthday is on the first of February?”

“I did not know that, no.”

“Right, well, I’m throwing him a party at this pub he really likes to go to. He’s turning thirty, you know? Wanted it to be a little more special for him.” She nods and he continues. “He’s shy about his birthday, and he’d never come right out and say it, but I know it would be mean the world to him if you came.”

“Well, of course I’ll go. It’s not like I haven’t been to a party with him before.”

“Yes, but instead of casually coming over to his New Year’s party…you’d sort of be showing up as his lady, you know?”

“What are you getting at here?”

“Come on, Y/N.” Niall scoffs. “He’s crazy about you, can’t you see that?”

“Niall…” She says in a hushed tone. “You know very well that he and I are nothing more than-“

“Fuck buddies, yeah, yeah.” He rolls his eyes. “This has been going on for months, you seriously don’t want more with the guy?”

“No.” She swallows. “I’m getting exactly what I need from him. He doesn’t want more either, what we’re doing works for both of us. Has…has he said something to you?”

“Not in so many words, but he talks about you enough. I think it’s silly to not go for it.”

“Look, if I didn’t have two kids maybe things could be different between him and I, but it’s not that simple. I don’t want more…at least not right now.”

“Alright.” He sighs. “I’ll text you the details for the party, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and keep it a secret. He thinks we’re going on a bar crawl.”

She nods and out the door he goes. She sighs heavily and shakes her head. Now there would be all this pressure for his birthday. Did she need to get him a gift? And what kind of gift should it be?

//

“Mum, you look so good.” Riley says sitting on Y/N’s bed when she comes out in a red dress.

“Thank you, honey.”

“And this is for a friend’s birthday party?”

“Yes.”

“Whose birthday?” Riley grins.

“Harry’s.” Y/N sighs.

“Did you get him anything good?”

“I…I got him, like, well, you know how he likes to wear all those rings? So I saw this ring at the store that I thought he might like.”

“You got him a ring?”

“Is it weird? It’s weird right? I just…I saw it and I thought of him, and I-“

“I bet he’ll love it, Mum.”

“Alright.” She nods. “Listen…you’ll be alright with Ben tonight? I…I could either be home really late, or I might not come back until the morning depending on how much I have to drink.”

“He’s setting up some movies and popcorn for us as we speak. We can handle it.”

“Good, okay, thank you.”

“Where would stay if you don’t come home?”

“Mr. Horan has offered me his guest room if need be.” It was a blatant lie but she couldn’t very well tell her fourteen-year-old that she was most likely going to have birthday sex with her teacher.

“Okay.” Riley shrugs and goes downstairs with Y/N. The doorbell rings. “I’ve got it.” She says as Y/N gets her coat on. “Hi, Mr. Styles.”

“Hello, Riley, is your mum ready to go?”

“Mhm, she’s just getting her coat on. Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thank you.” He smiles and then uses all his willpower to not let his jaw drop when he sees Y/N. He couldn’t even see her dress, but he could tell she’d be a knockout tonight. “Ready?”

“Yes.” She smiles and turns to Riley and Ben. “Don’t be afraid to call if you need anything. I can be home in a flash. I’ll text you later to let you know what my, um, plans are.” She blushes and pushes Harry outside as the kids wave them off.

“She’s not subtle.” Ben says as he plops onto the couch.

“I know, I wish they’d just admit they’re in love and get on with it.” Riley says and starts the movie.

//

Harry opens the backseat of Niall’s car for her, and then he jogs around to the other side. Niall was driving, and Anna was in the passenger seat. Everyone greets one another and off they go. Harry keeps his hand on Y/N’s knee the whole way, and she puts her hand over his. They smile at each other, but nothing is said. Needless to say he was surprised by there being a party at the pub for him, but he was delighted.

Niall had done really well. Lots of drinks and appetizers going around, good music, and people mingling. There was even a cheesy slideshow of every single one of Harry’s school pictures throughout the years, and Y/N had to fight tears from laughing so hard at some of them. Harry couldn’t have asked for a better birthday, especially with Y/N around. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her all night, and eventually his arm didn’t leave from its place around her waist. No one really paid it any attention. Most people knew there was something going on between the two of them, but it was none of their concern. The single men in the room at the least knew not to hit on her. No one really wanted to get on Harry’s shit list.

There was a table for gifts, but Y/N kept hers in her purse, not wanting it to get lost. She also wanted to give it to him in private in case things got awkward. She had overthought the ring over and over. It was this nice topaz band that she thought he’d like. He said he was always looking for a pop of color in his wardrobe.

“Hey.” He says to her, pulling her into him. “Are you gonna come home with me?”

“Yeah.” She smiles. “Are you having a good time?”

“A great time. Couldn’t have asked to turn thirty with better people.” He tucks some hair behind her ear and she shivers. “Can’t to get you back to my place, though.” He leans in to speak in her ear. “M’gonna mess up all this pretty makeup you’re wearing.” He kisses her cheek and lets her go. She was suddenly counting down the moments until it was time to leave.

When it came time, she helped grab all of the gifts off the table and bring them to Niall’s car. She had texted Riley that she wouldn’t be coming home which she felt slightly guilty about. She didn’t like giving up her weekends with the kids like this. Niall and Anna help get everything inside, and then leave Harry and Y/N alone, drinking water in the kitchen. He comes over to her, putting his hands on her hips, and pulling her forward.

“Have I told you how fucking sexy you look tonight? I’ve had to hold my hand under my jaw all night just to keep it from dropping.”

“Idiot.” She chuckles. “Oh! Wait, I got you something.” She snatches her purse from the counter.

“So it’s not lingerie? Sort of thought you were my gift.” He smirks and she rolls her eyes.

“That wouldn’t be very original, and I don’t find lingerie to be particularly comfortable, sorry, Sport.” She fishes the ring box out of her purse. “Here we are. If it’s weird feel free to just kick me out…I saw it thought you’d like it, nothing more to it than that.”

He takes the box from her, furrowing his brows. His eyes widen as he opens it up. He looks between her and the topaz band several times.

“Are you serious?” He says.

“Y-yeah…do you like it?”

“Are you kidding? I love it! I just can’t decide what finger to put it on.”

“I guessed on the size. You have such fat fingers, so I went with a larger one.”

“Think that’s the first time I’ve heard you complain about my fingers. Better be the last.” He slips the ring onto his middle finger and holds it out. “It’s perfect, thank you so much. You really didn’t have to do this.”

“I know, but I wanted to. Like I said, I saw it and thought you’d like it.”

He hugs her and she hugs him back. He kisses her cheek and works his way to her lips. He sucks on her bottom lip, and she tugs at his shirt. His hands slide down to her ass and he squeezes.

“Fuck, I want you so bad.” He says against her lips, and lifts her up onto the counter.

“Mm-mm, just bring me upstairs, I don’t wanna have sex on the counter again.”

“But it’s my birthday.” He pouts.

“Yeah, and last time we did this my back hurt for, like, three days, so bring me upstairs.”

He sucks his teeth and lifts her back up, carrying her bridal style out to the staircase, and up to his room. He sets her down on the bed and takes her heels off, sliding his hands up her calves and thighs. He pulls her to her feet so he can lift the dress up over her head. He tugs her nylons off along with her underwear, and unclips her bra, leaving her naked in front of him. He licks his lips and kisses her. Running his hands all over her body. She works to get his shirt undone, and pushes it off his shoulders. She undoes his pants and lets them drop to the floor, he steps out of them, and they both fall back on the bed. He grinds his hard dick, still clothes by his boxers, right into her core, and she groans. He continues to grind against her, and she moves her hips along with his to get some extra friction.

“I want you to suck me off while I fuck you with my tongue.”

She nods and they switch positions so he can lay on his back. She gets situated over his face, and she lowers herself on his body. His tongue moves back and forth along her slit before entering her. She gasps just as she’s getting her lips wrapped around him. His hands grip her hips so he can lick into her in just the right way. She moans around his cock as she tries to bob up and down on him. He removes his tongue from her so he can finger her, and he licks up to her other hole, something they’ve done before. She chokes on his dick and pulls off, choosing to pump him instead.

“Shit, Harry, oh my god!”

He moans against her as she comes around his fingers. He pulls his fingers away and laps her up. He rolls her onto her stomach, and he grabs a condom quickly. He rolls it on and spreads her legs wide open. She lifts her hips up as he pushes inside her, and he grabs a pillow to put under her back. He rocks in and out of her as his hands knead her breasts. She wraps her arms around his neck to pull him down to her, and she licks into his mouth. He moans into her as their chests touch and sweat starts to form between their bellies.

“Y/N.” He moans into her ear, and it raises goosebumps all over skin. She wraps her legs around his waist to pull him even closer. He kisses on her neck and she runs her fingers through his hair. “I want you to come at the same time as me, think you can do that?”

“Y-yeah.”

He snakes a hand between them so he can rub her clit and her mouth falls open. They make eye contact the entire time, and they cry out as they come together. He collapses on top of her, and she holds him close, kissing his cheek multiple times. He keeps his head buried in her chest for a few moments. He looks up at her, about to say something, but her phone goes off.

“Shit, it could be the kids…”

“One second.” He pulls out of her with a grunt, and lets her up. She gets up and waddles over to his dresser and grabs her phone.

“Ben?”

“Hi, Mum, I’m sorry it’s so late, but Riley doesn’t feel well. I think it’s her period, but she’s on the floor, like, clutching at her stomach and I don’t know what to do for her…”

“Shit, okay, um, get her a glass of milk and two ibuprofen from the cabinet. I’ll be home soon, I’ll set up a warm compress for her. She gets really bad cramps like me sometimes.”

“Okay, thanks, sorry again.”

“No problem, I’ll see you soon.” She turns to Harry. “I…I’m sorry, I can get an uber or-“

“I’ll drive you, don’t be silly.” He says, already throwing some sweats on. “Do you want something to change into so you don’t have to put all that back on?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

He gets her a sweatshirt and some sweatpants. Once she’s cleaned herself up they’re out the door and into his car. This time around he holds her hand the whole way, their fingers intertwined and everything. When he turns the car off when he pulls in, she gives him a funny look.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m coming in, obviously.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I know, now come on.”

They get inside, and poor rile is still laying on the floor sucking milk out of a straw. Ben was sitting on the ground neck to her rubbing her back.

“Mum?”

“Hi, sweetie.” Y/N gets on her knees next to her.

“Feels like someone’s squeezing my insides with a spiked glove.”

“I know, baby, the medicine will work soon, I promise.” She sighs. “Ben, in the bathroom cabinet is where the warm compresses are, could you get one for me please?”

“Yeah.” He stands up and looks at Harry, but doesn’t say anything. Riley sees Harry’s sneakers and turns to look at him.

“Hey, Mr. Styles…”

“Hey.” He smiles. “Not feeling great, huh?”

“Cramps.” She says bluntly.

“Ugh, that’s the worst.” He sits down next to her. “My older sister used to get them really bad, I felt terrible.”

Ben comes back with the warm compress, and Y/N snaps it to get it to warm up, and she presses it to Riley’s lower back. She sighs from the feeling.

“See? Better already.” Y/N says.

“I don’t know what happened. I was fine all night, and then I got up to get some more soda, and I basically fell to the ground.”

“The bad ones can creep up on you unfortunately. I need to get you up to your room.”

“I could carry her…if…if that’s alright with everyone.” Harry says.

“That would be okay.” Riley says. “No one else could do it anyways.”

He helps her up, double and triple checking it’s okay that he’s touching her, and he carries her up. Y.N has Ben clean up the living room before he goes to bed. Y/N goes into Riley’s room after Harry’s places her on her bed.

“All set?” Y/N says to her, brushing some hair away from her face.

“Yeah, thank you.” She yawns. “Goodnight.”

“Night, honey.”

Y/N tugs Harry into her room, and closes the door.

“I’m so sorry, thank you for coming in…I don’t know how I would’ve helped her upstairs, I would have had to make a bed for her on the couch.” Y/N starts tearing up. “There are so many things I can do for them on my own until I’m reminded that there are things that I just can’t.”

“Hey.” He puts his hands on her shoulders. “You’re a great mum and you’re doing what you can. I couldn’t imagine being so young and raising two teenagers. You make it look easy, honestly. You’re amazing, Y/N.”

“You really think so?”

“I do.” He nods.

“Would you…I mean…it’s late, um, would you want to just stay here?”

“It wouldn’t be weird for you?”

“No.” He smiles and starts taking his clothes off. They get into bed together and cuddle all night. He somehow was always exactly what she needed, and it scared her a little. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Put me at ease the way you do?”

“I don’t know.” He smiles down at her. “Didn’t realize I did that for you.”

“Well, you do. And I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Christ, Y/N, just admit you like me as more than just a guy who fucks you good so we can date already.”

“What?” She sits up and so does he. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be. You don’t wanna date? I mean we practically already are when you think about it. I’m not seeing anyone else, are you?”

“With your clingy ass? Who would have the time?!” She laughs.

“Oi, I resent that.”

“You ask me to hang out literally every weekend.”

“Yeah, cause I need to get to you before someone else does.”

“Harry…you realize if you get into a relationship with me you’re getting into a relationship with my kids, right?”

“I do.” He nods. “I know it’ll be a lot, but if it means I get to be with you…I think I could be all in with them. I can’t speak for Ben, but I know Riley likes me. I feel like we could make this work.”

“I don’t want more kids…I’m almost thirty-four, I would hate for you to end up wanting kids of your own. That’s not something I can give you, Harry.”

“You know what I’d really like?”

“What?”

“A dog. I’m great with pets, absolutely great. I miss having a pup around. If we get to a point where we feel like that’s the right move, that would definitely be enough for me.”

“I’ve always wanted a dog.” She bites her bottom lip. “Wow, okay, so…we’re doing this?”

“We fucking better be, I think Niall will explode if we don’t.”

They both giggle, and kiss each other. They settle back down to get some sleep, ready for whatever the morning brings.

a/n: if you liked what you’ve read, and are able/want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee. 

[zumpietoo]

So I’ll Do the Rest of Snorty’s

drivel tonite, but in the meantime, here’s what I can read.....and all the utterly hilarious notes....

Sooo...Snorty legit can’t walk and chew gum at the same time? Got it.....

While, yes, the shit about his career WAS dull (and he came off as whiny and entitled, a lot like PP, in fact), he WAS asked and this WAS meant to be an interview largely focused on the writing process of the show. 

I didn’t notice much on this....probably cuz I didn’t care. And if your point is that yes, Brian’s a hack (to the point of where in his own “backstory”, I was left wondering if peeps who don’t make it thru the program are really legit THAT bad or actually maybe that good---considering most other CW/Warner shows suck ass, too)....in fact, I’m mystified Snorty paid attention to the Hymen shit, it was boring....

It isn’t remotely “confusing”, you peeps iz dummm

I legit wasn’t paying full attention, but it seemed moar like what he said was “really powerful” was about KokeJ singing that dumb fucking song? In any event, none of it was---and he spent FAR less time blathering about it than either side led us to believe. 

Oh good lord, Snorty, “but Barfie Evan saaaidddd...” used to be your battle cry. And all the writers are assholes. The end....

Why is she being thanked for belatedly detailing something once they could listen to it anyway? After spending the weekend self importantly gate keepering?

It was a sort of parting gift for Mark---since the network clearly no longer can afford him. And the point wasn’t about “humanizing” him, per se, just giving him an interesting sideplot/a job for his son...

I don’t think he remotely said that....but it wasn’t meant to give you any spoilers, dumbasses....I do love their endless circle jerk of reassurance....while they piss themselves and one another

Whelp, tells me those are stupid and I’ll go laugh at them next....

Blah, blah, blah (and I haaatttteee Barfie Evan. Actually both his and Brian’s eps suck ass.

Sooooo bitter.....also, Pete (as a means for disparaging them) was the one who said this....not Brian. He was all “sharing is caring”---with Alex chiming in about how Cole “seemed really excited, too” from his prior interview (cuz Mr. 58 Seconds still seems reallyyyyyyyy jazzed that he got to interview/be on the press call for Cole). 

And what “roots of their (what) problem”???? Nobody’s cheating or treating Jug like he’s a subhuman.....also, VALE

Noooo....Snorty, again, you really ARE dummmmm...huh? Plus, no, it’s fine and PP caused it....suck it. 

And who TF is this VD noobie sock?

And the whole 8 accounts they follow???

And yes, Barfie, again, will be withering fast enough.....it’s why there will be “exploring” the VD/Slagey quad and somebody’s gonna suck some Pickens’s dick....(TBF, perhaps I was too hasty, maybe Gossip Ghey will do the honors!)

OML....Snorty, you should never, EVER point the finger about lying. Plus, not sure where or what they’ve exaggerated or flat out lied about??? And if they do? They DGAF....you continue to fail to grasp how ANY of this works...

Again, all detailed. That you prefer to not accept it, is not my problem!

Actually 17, Snorty---I see your math skillz are as fab as your other abilities---

Nobody gAF about Hymen and Vermin....

No, again, all detailed....you just refuse to grasp it

Fine by me if they love Jabi moar....

Yes, she’s literally jeebus....

Whelp, the only peeps who hate Jabi are you racist assholes, so nope. And Barfie’s fanbase isn’t all that significant....tho bigger than VD’s....and again, they DGAF.

Also, no, still didn’t address that and Hymen was always meant to be cartoonish...

Ummm....I’m not going to lie: nobody made you read it and you’re still gonna get the story lines that happen!

Umm.....again, this idea that Brian “went out of his way” (per Snorty) is utter bullshit---he was asked direct questions and then demurred. Plus OFC he isn’t gonna tell dick. 

And no, that isn’t remotely what “the main idea” is....even when they were “exploring new types of relationships”, they really didn’t/weren’t----and sent the clear cut message you’d do better to be in a nice, committed relationship. 

Awesome job pearl clutching----and you ARE aware they all are adults themselves, right?

Errmmm....we were never going to have a “great conversation” about that or anything else, moron---that’s always been your fanfic. However, it did cause Jughead to slip and illustrated further the difference between Tabitha and Slizzy (to the point of Tabs in sunlight/Slizzy in darkness with creepy music!)

And you also continue to not remotely grasp what the show’s about, anyway...

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated

Chapter 1

When Jiang Cheng opens the window in the morning, crisp, cold air hits his face. The leaves on the tree in the courtyard of the apartment complex are turning colours.

When did that happen? When did summer end?

It’s a new semester, a new season, and Wei Wuxian still hasn’t returned. Hasn’t called, hasn’t messaged. Jiang Cheng had thought… had hoped…

He should’ve known better.

The wind picks up and raises goosebumps on his skin. A leaf, dark red, is torn from a branch and flutters through the air.

He used to like autumn.

Jiang Yanli was spring, Wei Wuxian was summer, Jiang Cheng was autumn. Winter was them together, because it was cold and they had to stick close.

Jiang Cheng scoffs and closes the window. There’s no use in remembering or hoping. He has work to do anyway.

He makes himself an unsatisfying breakfast that consists of instant coffee and - oh, there isn’t really anything else. Of course the fridge is fucking empty.

He goes jogging, but he’s hungry and it’s cold and he hates jogging.

He takes a shower, but the water is either too hot or too cold.

When he sits down at his desk and opens his writing program, it doesn’t fucking work. Because of course not.

Error #234871FUCKYOUJIANGCHENG

“I don’t even know what that means, I’m not a fucking COMPUTER SCIENTIST!”

Like some people. Some people, who betrayed and abandoned him and moved in with some random-ass people to look after a random-ass child for no good reason and left him all alone. Now he has no one to share his meals with, so there’s no point in making sure his fridge is full, and no one who also hates jogging, so they can suffer together, and no one to fucking help him with fucking computer issues and this is all fucking bullshit.

Jiang Cheng slams his laptop shut.

Fuck you, Wei Wuxian. This is all your fault.

Another headache creeps up his temples. He’s already completely done with this day. At 9:37 AM. Fuck. He has a fucking essay to write about some bullshit topic he doesn’t care about, but how is he supposed to do that when his laptop hates him as much as everyone else does and his head feels as though it’s splitting apart?

His phone rings, and the sound feels like someone is applying a power drill to his brain. And of course it’s not on his desk but far away on the counter. Because nothing in his life can ever be easy or convenient, oh no. He stretches his arm and then his whole upper body to try to grab it from the counter without having to get up from his desk and then there’s a TWINGE and oh no, that’s not good. His shoulder feels as though it’s on fire and… yep, he can’t fucking move his head.

FUCK. FUCKING FUCK SHIT BALLS CRAP FUCK SHIT. FUUUUUUUUCK.

And his phone keeps ringing.

Everyone ignores him for DAYS but NOW when he’s literally DYING and can’t reach his phone, they want to talk to him.

He gets up, ignores the pain shooting down his right arm, carefully shuffles towards the counter, and answers the phone with his left hand.

“WHAT?”

“A-Cheng?”

It’s his sister. Jiang Cheng’s stress levels automatically lower by about 13% as soon as he hears her voice.

“Jiejie, hey. Sorry, I just…” He switches his phone to the other hand and then gets a painful reminder that this side is fucked. “Fuck, ow.”

“A-Cheng? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing! I just... pulled a muscle or something.” He sits down again and bites his lip to suppress a wail of agony. “Why did you call, Jiejie?”

He can basically hear Jiang Yanli’s gentle, slightly concerned, smile through the phone. “Ah, then I’m calling just at the right time. You’ve been struggling with tension for a while now and as you know, your birthday is coming up and -”

“Don’t remind me. That’s still over a month away. And I’m not struggling!”

“- and I have the perfect gift for you. You don’t have to wait until November to do it either. And I think it would be so good for you, A-Cheng, especially now with your pulled muscle.”

“And what exactly is ‘it’?”

“Do you remember Lan Xichen? He’s a friend of Nie Mingjue, and his uncle is Lan Qiren. I think we met him a few times during one of those large business-people dinners we used to get invited to, when father…”

Was still alive.

“I don’t remember anyone I met there, because I was bored out of my mind.” Because Wei Wuxian wasn’t invited to those. And because they were fucking boring. “What does this have to do with my mysterious birthday present anyway?”

“Ah, well, it turns out he works as a physical therapist and I guess you could call him a sort of life coach. Massages, yoga, meditation, physical therapy. He has his own little studio in his apartment, so it’s very private and intimate, and he spends a lot of time with every client, it’s not just a twenty minute massage and then you’re done.”

His sister speaks with rare urgency and Jiang Cheng feels a little bewildered by having this just thrown at him. “So, you want me to-”

“I met him recently, such a lovely man, and asked him whether he had time to take on another client, and he does! So I booked you ten sessions and the first one is Thursday, 5 p.m. We were going to meet that afternoon, so I know you have time, and we can just reschedule our meeting!”

“Jiejie! Ten sessions… I don’t… I’m not a massage person! I don’t want some stranger touching me!” This is all really very sudden, so of course his first instinct is to say no.

His sister, of course, is used to that, and expected it. So she laughs softly and continues convincing him. “Ah, but he’s not a stranger, he’s Nie Mingjue’s best friend and as I said, I met him recently - he’s very kind and sweet and he doesn’t just do massages. I’m sure he’ll be willing to listen to what you’re comfortable with and figure out what’s best for you. A-Cheng, why don’t you just go to the first meeting and see what happens, hm? It’s my present for you.”

As if he could ever actually say no to his sister. Nobody can.

“Alright, alright. But if it’s not my thing, you’ll use the rest of the sessions, okay? I could watch A-Ling while you go get pampered a little.” His sister deserves this much more than he does anyway. Not that she would agree with that.

“Just go and meet with Lan Xichen first, before deciding that it’s not for you.” She’s using her stern voice, oh no.

“I will! I’m just saying!”

“Alright. Let me know how it goes then.”

“I will.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

“Good. Remember to drink tea or water, too, not just coffee.”

“Yes, Jiejie.”

“And-”

“I’ll call you after I’ve met with Lan Xichen,” Jiang Cheng interrupts, before she can shower him with even more care. “And thank you. I… could probably use some… relaxation.”

“Great! I’ll text you the address in a bit.”

They chat a bit more about A-Ling and what shenanigans he gets up to now that he can walk, and when Jiang Cheng ends the call a while later, his mood has significantly improved.

His phone makes a noise again. He looks at the screen, expecting a text from his sister with Lan Xichen’s address, but... Fuck. He unlocks the screen and stares at his daily Wei Wuxian selfie. Today he’s wearing a bathrobe so fluffy, it seems to swallow him, and he’s making… duck lips. Jiang Cheng’s mood plummets to the ground.

Why can’t he delete this stupid alarm or app or whatever his brother has infested his phone with? Why doesn’t he just change his fucking number, get a new phone? Why does Wei Wuxian keep up this nonsense, even though he’s obviously not interested in being in contact with Jiang Cheng anymore? Why torment him with these little glimpses into a life that he lives without his brother? The selfies don’t arrive at a set time every day and it’s a new one every time, so it’s pretty safe to say, Wei Wuxian takes them and sends them himself every day. They used to arrive between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m., but recently he sometimes gets them as early as 9 a.m. On one shocking occasion it was 6:45 a.m., though Wei Wuxian did look very sleepy. Since when does Wei Wuxian get up that early?

He also seems to be spending a lot of time at a place that is not the flat he moved into with the Wens. Not that Jiang Cheng spends a lot of time analyzing the background of the pictures. Because he does not care what Wei Wuxian gets up to. Wei Wuxian does not care about him anymore either, beyond annoying him like this.

Jiang Cheng shakes his head to make his brain stop thinking about useless things. Immediately, pain shoots down his arm, burns in his neck.

Fuck.

Maybe he should just go back to bed. Clearly getting up was a mistake.

Thursday

Lan Xichen lives on the outskirts of the city. Not quite the suburbs, but in one of those areas where rich people enjoy having a garden, or at least a balcony, and less busy streets, while the city centre is still only a few subway stops away. The kind of area where his own family once lived.

Jiang Cheng checks the house number again and rushes towards the building, wrapping his jacket closer around him. It is colder now, he’s known this and yet didn’t take that into account when getting dressed.

He enters the building, takes the elevator to the 2nd floor, finds the right door and rings the doorbell.

He doesn’t have to wait long until Lan Xichen opens him.

Oh.

“A-Sang… who… who is that next to your brother?”

“Huh? Aaah, that’s Lan Xichen. Da-ge’s best friend. Why do you ask?”

“No reason!”

“Oooooh, I see.”

“Shut up!”

“Well, now I finally know your type, Cheng-Cheng. You’re into impossibly beautiful people who you’re too scared to talk to.”

“I said shut up! I just asked who it was!”

“First Wen Qing, now Xichen-ge… But don’t worry, he’s super nice. Now, his brother on the other hand… So hot, but-“

“I’m leaving!”

Fuck.

“Hello! You must be Jiang Wanyin.”

Lan Xichen smiles at him and yep, yep, Huaisang was right, impossibly beautiful. Fuck.

Oh shit, he still hasn’t said anything.

“Ah yes, that’s me. Hello. Nice to meet you.” Jiang Cheng couldn’t be more awkward if he tried. Except he can, because then he bows, way too low.

Lan Xichen seems to be too polite to laugh at him, but his eyes sparkle as though he wants to, while he invites Jiang Cheng inside.

The apartment is large and bright and… full of plants. Lan Xichen leads him into the living room, where a pot of tea and two mugs are waiting for them on the coffee table. Jiang Cheng sits down on a very comfortable chair, next to a large houseplant with beautiful green and red leaves. All in all, the surroundings help him feel way more relaxed than what would be appropriate for the situation. The situation being: Sitting across from the man Jiang Cheng has seen maybe three times, back when he was 17, from afar, and whom he used to spend quite some time thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. More than three times. The same man who is supposed to give him a massage.

“Is tea alright? Would you prefer something else?”

“Tea is lovely, thank you.” Jiang Cheng hurries to take a sip and hopefully smiles instead of grimacing.

Lan Xichen picks up a notebook and a pen, rests it on his legs, then takes a deep breath. Despite his gentle smile, and the soothing smell of jasmine tea, and the literal urban jungle he’s sitting in, Jiang Cheng thinks he can pick up a hint of nervousness from Lan Xichen. But no, he must be imagining it.

Lan Xichen opens his notebook and looks at Jiang Cheng. “So, your sister already told me that you’ve been dealing with a little tension and stress. If you’re comfortable with it, I would like to ask you a few questions and make myself an overview of where you hold your tension and how it affects you, so we can think about how to best help you.”

Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods.

“This is only a preliminary meeting, so I already know how to best proceed, once we start our sessions.”

Lan Xichen asks him a few questions about his daily schedule (repetitive), whether he does any exercise (yes, well, sort of, sometimes), is he sleeping well (eeh), does he often have headaches (yes), and so on. Jiang Cheng answers as best as he can, and even though Lan Xichen shows no judgment at all, it is mortifying for him. His life is a mess and clearly he’s responsible for all of it. Why doesn’t he do more exercise? If he has headaches all the time, he should be doing something about that!

“Mhm, have you ever tried Yoga before?”

“No.”

“Can you touch your toes?”

“I don’t know? Why would I need to touch my toes?!” Jiang Cheng regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth but Lan Xichen only looks amused.

“Excellent question.” Lan Xichen puts the notepad he’s been using back down on the table and stands up. “Would it be okay if I touch your neck and shoulders to have a closer look at your tension?”

“Yes, yes. That’s alright. Sure.” Jiang Cheng puts down the mug and rests his hands on his knees, trying to project that he’s totally casual and relaxed and that he never spent even a minute wondering how those hands might feel on his skin. Why do these things happen to him? Why can’t he even nurse a schoolboy crush for a few months and then forget about it without suffering consequences???

Lan Xichen’s hands are warm, but not too warm. Perfect temperature for being touched, really. His fingers are long and smooth and it feels really good, the way they’re digging into his muscles and-

“Fuck!”

“Sorry. Looks like I found a sore spot.” Lan Xichen strokes his fingers in a soothing apology over the spot and that’s almost worse, because it feels really good.

“I, uhm, apologise for the… rude language.”

“Oh, haha, I’ve heard worse from clients. No need to hold back, I’m of the opinion that it can be beneficial to find release.”

“Right.” This is like one of Jiang Cheng’s dreams that starts out beautiful and turns into a horrible nightmare halfway through. Will he make it through this without horribly embarrassing himself even further and/or offending Lan Xichen in the process?

“You’re really... “ Lan Xichen runs his hands up Jiang Cheng’s neck and slightly presses his thumbs into a spot between his ear and his jaw. Jiang Cheng groans. “You’re very tense. In a lot of places. Do you grind your teeth at night? Or clench them?”

“Maybe?”

Lan Xichen rests his hands on Jiang Cheng’s shoulders for a second, then sits down opposite of him again. Jiang Cheng immediately misses the warmth of his hands, which is ridiculous and he needs to get a grip.

“Alright, well, I think for the beginning we will be focusing on relaxing and loosening your muscles. So, massage, thermotherapy, some gentle stretches. I’ll also help you find things you can do at home to destress and relieve tension. Does that sound good?”

“Uhm, yes. It does.” Jiang Cheng kind of tuned out after Lan Xichen said ‘massage’, because… He has this dreadful feeling his schoolboy crush never went away and instead just laid dormant until right now. Which is so fucking inconvenient, of course it’s happening to Jiang Cheng. “Thank you, Lan-ge… uhm… Lan Xichen.”

How should he address him? Apparently, he’s sort of a family friend (Where and why did Jiejie even meet him? Why didn’t he ask?) but now he’s also taking care of Jiang Cheng in a professional, sort of medical sense...

Lan Xichen is, of course, not oblivious to his discomfort, but smiles and pours him some more tea. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. Laoshi is fine, too.”

Lan Xichen then goes through a few formalities with him. He informs him he’s being paid per session, not by the hour, so they’ll never have to hurry. They exchange phone numbers, in case someone needs to reschedule or Lan Xichen wants to send him some exercises or something. Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods and agrees. When Lan Xichen proposes they have the first session tomorrow afternoon, Jiang Cheng smiles and nods, too.

After, Lan Xichen escorts him to the door, wishes him a lovely evening, says he’s looking forward to their sessions and Jiang Cheng should remember to wear something comfortable. When he smiles again, Jiang Cheng almost walks into the door.

As soon as Jiang Cheng arrives home, he calls his sister.

“A-Cheng! How was it?”

“Uhm, fine, but that’s not why-”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“I… what? Why… why would you bring that up?” Jiang Cheng gives his phone a side-eye, even though his sister can’t see it.

“Well, it’s impossible to not notice. And he has such a lovely personality, too.” Jiang Yanli says this as casually as though she’s talking about the weather.

“Yes… I guess.” While both of those things are true, it’s unlike his sister to bring it up. Or at least, to bring it up so quickly and directly. “Jiejie, how do you know Lan Xichen again? Where did you meet?”

“Oh… he came over for tea recently.”

“And why did he do that?”

“Because I invited him.”

Well, his sister clearly is keeping something from him, something connected to his old-new crush and physical therapist and Jiang Cheng hates not being in the know when other people are clearly keeping secrets from him.

“How did you meet him? Why did you invite him? Why do you not want to tell me?”

“A-Cheng…”

Oh, of course. “Wei Wuxian.”

Jiang Yanli sighs audibly, probably frowning in the way she always does when they skirt around the topic of him and Wei Wuxian not talking. “Yes. Lan Xichen is-”

“I don’t want to know!” Of course this has something to do with Wei Wuxian. Because he can’t have anything in his life without Wei Wuxian. Are they�� they’re not dating or anything, right? That would just be… actually that would be fucking typical.

“Jiang Cheng!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Is his sister… getting cross with him???

“I just… he misses you.”

“Yeah? I don’t see any evidence of that!” His headache is back with a vengeance.

“Because you’re not looking. Because you’ve convinced yourself he doesn’t!” It’s rare for Jiang Yanli to raise her voice, and compared to Jiang Cheng, she still sounds gentle. But he can hear her frustration, hear how tiring this is for her, and… He sometimes forgets he and Wei Wuxian aren’t the only people who are involved in this. Who suffer.

“Then why doesn’t he call me? He obviously still has my number!”

“Why don’t you call him?”

Because he doesn’t want to call someone who doesn’t want him. Because he doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to come back because he feels pity or obligation. Because he’s scared Wei Wuxian would still not come back.

“He’s the one who left.”

“It’s been over a year. Can’t you… I’m so tired of holding louder than normal conversations with my husband in the kitchen while one of you is in the living room, so you know the other is okay without actually asking for it.”

“A-jie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I… It’s just… “ Great, now Jiang Cheng feels mad at Wei Wuxian, guilty for upsetting his sister, who should never be upset, and sad… because he misses his stupid brother, doesn’t he.

“I can’t force either of you to make the first step, but… you’re both suffering. A-Cheng, I just want you both to be happy.” Now she just sounds resigned. Fuck.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll think about it. I promise.” If only because his sister deserves better than this - being stuck in the middle between them.

“Thank you. I love you, A-Cheng.”

“… Love you, too.”

“Now, tell me about your meeting today. Did you already get a massage?”

Right. Lan Xichen. “Jiejie… is Wei Wuxian dating Lan Xichen?”

Jiang Yanli laughs. “No. No, no. He’s dating his brother. Don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying! Just… wanted to know how you met.”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“Stop asking that! That’s not why I… you know what, I have to go. I have… university… stuff. Talk to you later!”

“Bye!”

He can hear his sister still laughing when he ends the call. Mortifying. Why did he have to ask?

Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen’s brother… That’s… Why is the world so fucking tiny? He couldn’t have picked anyone else?

Not that it matters. It’s not like Jiang Cheng was ever gonna do anything about… Lan Xichen is attractive and nice and lovely, which is simply a fact. Like his sister said, it’s impossible to not notice. Doesn’t have to mean anything. Jiang Cheng will only concentrate on… being less tense and maybe having fewer headaches.

And maybe… thinking… about… contacting Wei Wuxian…

“He misses you.”

Jiang Cheng is not convinced.

But…

[cxmetery-gates]

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS - DARK!TOM HIDDLESTON

CHAPTER TWO: FOR THE FIRST TIME

SUMMARY: Lynn meets the attractive English teacher, Mr. Tom Hiddleston. WORD COUNT: 3.1k NOTE: it’s 3:00 am but I don’t have a sleep schedule. Enjoy! WARNINGS: dark!tom hiddleston, teacher!tom hiddleston

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS MASTERLIST

INSIDE IS HAVOC.

For some idiotic reason, most students somehow forget what classes they signed up for three months ago or lost their schedules (I still wonder how that happens) and thus, the front office is a mess of students asking for theirs, the lines bleeding out into the hall. Given this, getting around to head to the commons will be a mission in and of itself. I'm not hating on all of them. As a freshman I was in the same place, my shaky hands and nervously stuttering voice mirroring the kids that smell brand new. Hopefully, to avoid this debacle again, they'll write the classes down. I guarantee the already exhausted looking receptionists would agree.

I almost want to tell the small, thin girl who wrings her hands 'good luck' but I guarantee she'd faint by the time I open my mouth. Instead, Ellie and I keep walking past the crowd. Poor souls.

It takes a minute or so to reach the commons, the booming echoes of chatting teenagers on their first day back is a sound like no other. The voices create a paved path any newcomer could easily follow. It dawns on me now that this will be the last time I'll hear this sound. I solemnly smile.

"I'm telling you, Dunmer is the better race."

"Only an idiot would spew such ignorant bullshit! Everyone knows Khajiit are the superior race!"

"Says the guy who could pass as a furry."

My eyebrows raise once the familiar voices are heard. Of course, they sit alone and look as normal as ever. My heart dips into my stomach when one of the two glances up and bashfully raises a hand to wave. In his awkward state, his hand barely moves.

Ellie is the first to speak. "What are you guys fighting about now?"

The boy with the long black hair speaks first. "Dumbass over here thinks Dark Elves are the best characters in Skyrim." Gabriel Ahoka is one of the oldest friends I have and if there's anything I've learned from him, it's that he's right the majority of the time. Oh, and he has beautiful hair.

"Because I'm right!" I take a seat next to the self-proclaimed judge. His name is River Adams, and I think I've been in love with him since he told me I reminded him of Hermione Granger back in the fourth grade. I smile in his direction then tuck some hair behind my ear. A nervous twitch that doesn't get past Ellie's ever watchful eyes. I refuse to acknowledge her small smirk. Instead, we both join in on the two dorks' conversation.

Ellie rolls her big brown eyes at them. "I don't see what the fuss is about. You guys take your games too seriously."

Both River and Gabriel audibly gasp at her comment.

"Fine," Gabriel huffs looking in my direction. "What about you, Lynn-ykinz?"

I don't visibly react to his nickname. It's something I've been called for years now. Though I'd like to agree with River, it's something I can't do. "Dunmers—"

"Ha!"

"— are for pussies."

"Ha!" This laugh comes from the boy sitting across from me. Beside me, River makes a small "oh" and lowers his raised fists, his hooray coming to a short and final end. I chuckle at his reaction as I pass Gabriel a solid high five.

"What are your guys' schedules?" River asks a tiny bit of gloom and annoyance coating his words.

Fortunately, most of us are in similar classes and only have to be here for a little over half the day. Due to all of us sticking to the scheduling plan, we all were able to get almost all our required course and electives done. Instead of having seven classes in one day, we all have five. By the time lunch rolls around, we're free the rest of the afternoon, meaning much longer DND matches with the nerds and more gossip and jam times with the only other female in our group.

"So meet up at the library for lunch?" I confirm once more as the morning bell rings, signally to all the student and staff that the first day is about to begin. The three people around me reply in agreement, and we head out. For the first hour of the day as well as the last, we're in different places. I'm not sure where the others are going, but I begin my journey to the library, one of my all-time favorite places.

I walk through the doors and slide over the counter, careful not to be seen but not careful enough. I plop in my seat at the front desk as someone walks up behind me.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you to go through the gate. It's literally five feet away, Lynn!" I send a humored smile to the woman walking behind me, a rather large stack of books in her arms.

I stand up and begin taking ones off the top. "Five feet of unnecessary effort, in my opinion."

"And playing parkour in the library is?" Mrs. Gibbons says, deadpanning.

"To each their own."

She sighs but then laughs. "How was your summer, kid?"

"Pretty decent." I now have half the stack in my arms, and I follow behind her. "My mom and I went to Arizona for a few days and then Seattle for a week. We didn't have much time, but we drove through somewhere in Canada on the way back just because."

Mrs. Gibbons sets the books down on a cart where there are a couple of rows on the bottom already filled. Taking her lead, I lower my stack to the opposite side and begin placing them side by side. I presume these are outdated and to be sold or given away. "What's in Arizona and Seattle?"

A smile hits my face immediately. "There's a college in Flagstaff with a great writing program. I went on a day trip around the campus. And Seattle is just someplace we wanted to visit."

"That's so good to hear, hon! Are you considering?"

I lean back against the counter right behind me as my mentor continues to shelve books. "It's a little far."

Turning to face me, Mrs. Gibbons send me a confused stare. "I thought you wanted to get away from this god-forsaken state?"

She's right. All I've wanted since my father left was to get out of Missouri (or Misery, if anyone's asking). My mom and I left Maine a long time ago go escape unimaginable horrors, but I wasn't expecting those nightmares to follow me here. The move was negligent in getting us away from memories a selfish prick poisoned and to start new somewhere far away, where no one knows me as the girl with a deadbeat dad. In this small town, everyone knows everything. I'd like to escape, to be a complete stranger to everyone.

But Arizona is a couple of thousand miles away from the place I grew up in, my home. I feel incredibly guilty about considering a college so far away from the woman who has taken care of me on her own since I entered elementary school, who has taught me that voicing my opinion and being honest is valued more than timidity and who told me that no man should ever keep a thumb on me. The other influencers in my life are also staying around here. Ellie has been accepted in a very pretentious private school for the Fine Arts a couple of cities over while River and Gabe are thinking about community college before making the jump into university. While solitude and adventures are what I crave, everyone who keeps my sanity in control is here.

I sigh, crossing my arms. "I do, but... I'm just not sure what I really want. Like, I would kill to get out of here, but what if everywhere is worse?"

"Trust me; there's nowhere worse than southwest Missouri, hon."

Again, she has a point.

I hum in response. There a brief moment of silence as we shelve old, dusty books. "So how was your summer?"

Mrs. Gibbons smile kindly, fawning over memories I doubt. "Richie took two weeks off, and we went Fiji. It was so beautiful. The water is clear, the people are wonderful, and the food– oh my God, the food." I secretly have a small thing for Richard Gibbons, or, as his wife calls him, Richie. This "thing" isn't a crush or infatuation by any means, but when he walks into the library on random occasions, he has a natural gift to swoon anyone he encounters. I've unfortunately fallen victim to his charisma a few times. He's an image of the wealthy 1930's businessman with modern values and beliefs weaved in his fine suits. Mr. Gibbons might be my mother's age, or possibly older, but I have to say, Mrs. Gibbons is quite the lucky woman.

I chuckle at her. "I'm sometimes surprised you haven't filed for early retirement."

"Richie makes quite the cash, but how and I supposed to entertain myself when he's gone ten hours a day and then for weeks on end?" Mrs. Gibbons pauses and looks around her library, then back to me. The growing crows feet wrinkle into a smile. "And besides, I can't leave my favorite kids behind, now can I?"

"I guess you can't," I reply.

Ten minutes later, I'm back at my desk. Well, technically mine, Mrs. Gibbons, and the other kid who helps out during school hours. I've never met them, so I'm not sure who exactly they are. Anyway, the "desk" is a long bar that has a foot-high wall that stretches all the way down to the ends, creating a divider between my computer and a student or faculty member. The top of this divider is flat, forming a plane in which books or arms can be set on. Most of the time, books scatter the top, but since it's the first day, the library is not only spotlessly clean but deadly empty.

That is until someone catches my attention. Sitting at the far side of the desk, I'm able to see who is coming a mile before he steps through the open library doors. This time was no different.

With long, lean legs and a towering height walks in none other than Mr. Tom Hiddleston.

Easily being the hottest teacher of all time, I feel a blush beginning to creep up my cheeks just at the mere sight of him. Apart from his 6'2 figure, he sports tame yet still curly reddish-brown hair, divine enough for the gods, if he isn't one already. Mr. Hiddleston's cheekbones and jawline remind me of razors, which I would feel honored to be cut by. However, his eyes are a color I can't pick out. Because I've never been in close proximity, my guess, from my distance, is green, or maybe blue. The ambiguity makes him all the more interesting. I wonder if he has some long-distance vibe because as soon as I look up to see him, Mrs. Gibbons is right out front— and missing her cardigan. I raise my brows at her from the swivel chair, but her eyes are focused down and away from me. Elbowing her slightly, I nod once, doing a run over of her exposed arms and a little cleavage. Jokingly, she swats my arms and blushes scarlet. I begin to laugh, somehow holding most in when Mr. Hiddleston walks in.

"Hello, Ruby," he smiles softly. As if he wasn't attractive enough, the man has a damn British accent. It's almost as if he's trying to stick out among the hicks. "It's good to see you. How was your summer, darling?"

If her fingers weren't wrapped around the edge of the desk, I guarantee she would have fallen over. Honestly, I would have done the same. "Absolutely marvelous! Fiji is a beautiful place. I imagine you would like it there."

I make the snarky note that she left her husband out of the conversation. Thinking about it, I try to glance over at her left hand to check if anything is missing.

Zoning out the best I could, I file through the library's emails and begin writing down books teachers are requesting. Like usual, the freshmen English teachers ask for The Great Gatsby, and the sophomore teachers need 1984. Due to being taught-in-class books, I scoot back in my chair to make a beeline to the back room and take the note with me, the sticky top staying attached to my fingertips.

"Oh, Lynn?" I hear Mrs. Gibbons call out.

I just entered the back room, so I comically poked my head out. "You called?"

I seem to humor both parties, a smile etched on their face. "Could you get the copies of Of Mice and Men?" My vision glances over to the teacher behind the desk for a short moment. His tall frame leans on the counter, arms crossed on the platform, apparently indicating familiarity and comfort in the room. I catch his stare. I realize now his eyes are in fact blue.

Nodding, I duck back into the room, setting my sticky note to the side. During the time I have to gather the fifteen or so books, I allow my reddening cheeks to cool off by taking long breaths. "Don't be weird, Lynn," I whisper to myself, extending my arms out towards the collection of novels. "He's just a hot teacher. Calm yourself."

Finishing the stack, I wrap my arms around the tower, huffing as I do. I carefully whisk myself towards the open door, making a mental note to go back to my list.

Mrs. Gibbons and Mr. Hiddleston chat among themselves not too far from where I left. Now sitting in her swivel chair, typing away feverishly on her computer, and keeping a conversation going, the librarian doesn't notice my return, though the man across does. He nods in my direction. The simplest gesture is somehow insanely attractive. Mrs. Gibbons looks over her shoulder, sending me a smirk. "Oh, there you are! Thought I lost you."

I fake a small laugh. "I'm surprised I didn't; it's quite the mess back there," I tease, waddling over to the counter. "Where would you like 'em, boss?" I'm not sure who I would refer to, glancing once at Mr. Hiddleston, to Mrs. Gibbons, then back to the stack in my arms.

"Would you mind escorting me to my classroom? I tend to be clumsy at times." With a warm smile, Mr. Hiddleston glances down to Mrs. Gibbons, awaiting her approval.

At that moment, I'm not sure if I would love or hate to go. On the one hand, I get to spend time with Mr. Hiddleston, every horny teenager's dream. On the other, I'm alone with Mr. Hiddleston, someone I've never had a conversation with let alone a 'hello' until minutes ago. Knowing my luck, I will somehow embarrass myself in front of him. It wouldn't be the end of the world since I don't have any of his classes nor do I have classes near his, but God I would feel like a fool for the rest of my life.

But, hey, he's something pretty to look at.

"Yeah, I don't mind. Is that okay, Mrs. Gibbons? I promise I won't bail on you," I say.

The librarian nods her head, fixing her glasses. "Of course, go right ahead! There isn't much to do now anyway. Just make sure you're back before the bell rings."

"Don't worry, Ruby. I won't keep her long," Mr. Hiddleston reassures.

I wouldn't be opposed if you did, I think to myself. The comment makes me blush, even going to my ears. Some reasons how I could be kept late quickly flash by and I find myself wishing I had not taken Mr. Hiddleston's offer. With my skin still burning, I make my way around the front desk as he follows me on the other side. The gate is shut, and due to my arms being preoccupied, I realized I might have to swing it using my hip, nothing too abnormal. I helped out Mrs. Gibbons last year and would do the same thing when my arms were full. However, Mr. Hiddleston was not accustomed to my way of opening the gate. Just as I go to butt it, Mr. Hiddleston reaches out. In an awkward exchange, Mr. Hiddleston's hand, which was aiming to wrap around the gate, collides on my hip instead.

It's nothing terribly exciting but enough to get a gasp and a jealous exchange from Ellie, and damn right I'll take that.

He pauses barely a second before quickly retracting his arm to his side. A blush of the same shade of scarlet cover our cheeks, an awkward laugh bubbling out.

"I'm sorry," I shyly push out.

Shaking his head, now making sure his hand is on the gate, Mr. Hiddleston bashfully looks down and opens up the exit for me. "Don't be, love. It was my fault."

"If you want to be the culprit, be my guest," I reply sassily. I don't want to see if my comment amused him or caused a cringe, so I don't look up. Instead, I look around for something to make our trip easier. "Did you want me to get a cart instead of carrying them up? It's up to you."

Shrugging, Mr. Hiddleston begins taking books from the stack, leaving me with less than half. "I don't mind walking if you don't mind. I missed my morning jog, so I'm trying to compromise the best I can."

I nod and kindly smile, even though my insides and my weak muscles are upset I took on the mission. "Walking it is then. Lead the way!"

Mr. Hiddleston turns on his heel, passing a smile to Mrs. Gibbons. "Thank you for letting me steal your little helper."

"Just return her the way she's leaving," Mrs. Gibbons retorts.

"We'll see," he replies, sending me a smirk and a wink. If the man wanted to turn my knees into jelly, he already succeeded from the first introduction. Now he's just teasing my flustered heart. "Just this way, love," Mr. Hiddleston tells me. I'm too afraid to speak, so I nod, smile, and follow beside him up the staircase.

[secretsantasides]

Gift #14: Colorblind

Gift for @forestwulf​

Prompt: Intrulogical Soulmate AU.

        Logan massaged his temples as the nightclub music pounded in his ears, “I don’t know why you insist on coming here.”

        “It’s twinks drink free night,” Patton said, sipping his appletini.

        “You stopped being a twink ten years ago,” Logan muttered.

        Patton sighed, “I’m going to ignore that because you’re my brother and I love you. Speaking of love-”

        “Don’t,” Logan said. “Not this again.”

        “Listen to me,” Patton said. “I’m worried about you, Logan. I know you’re a little robot and you don’t need romance in your life or any friends but-”

        “I have friends,” Logan said.

        “But,” Patton said. “You’re thirty years old and it’s starting to make mom sad on the holidays. When I met Ethan, it wasn’t sitting around at home and moping. I mean how long has it been since you were touched by another human being?”

        “Soulmates,” Logan sighed. “Don’t start, Pat. I’ll gouge my eye out with this tiny umbrella.”

         Patton rolled his eyes, “Logan it’s not just nonsense; it’s science! Just because you think you’re some kind of lone wolf doesn’t mean you don’t have a soulmate. Your eyes wouldn’t be grey if you weren’t still waiting for your person. So you can deny it all you want. It won’t change the fact that they’re waiting.”

         “I don’t have time for a soulmate, Pat. You and Ethan just work better; you have time to be in love and he’s patient enough to deal with… you.”

         Patton faked an offended gasp, “Just for that I’m not getting you a free drink next round! But you’re right, Ethan is perfect. However-”

         “There is no however.”

         ”However,” Patton continued. “It doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there who’s just as patient with your bullshit as Ethan is with mine. Now look you made me swear. I hope you’re happy.”

         “I think the three appletinis made you swear,” Logan said. “Don’t you have work tomorrow?”

         “Actually I’m going out of town in two days with the girls so they gave me time off.”

         “Out of town? That’s this week?” Logan asked.

         Patton finished his drink, “I love how much you listen when I talk. The pandas are being moved to the zoo in Atlanta so their enclosure can be remodeled and we’re hoping to get some breeding done while we’re out there. That’s why I told you that you have to take mom to the optometrist on Monday. If you forget that, Logan-”

         “Right right,” Logan said. “No I’ll remember it’s… it’s in my phone.” He looked at his empty glass of whiskey but pushed it aside, deciding he’d better stay sober, “So what’s Ethan thinking about this longterm separation?”

         Patton snorted, “One of his retics laid a ton of eggs and she bit his face when he was pulling the clutch. Now he’s walking around like Crocodile Dundee. Plus the whole clutch is viable so we’re looking at a lot of new snakes to add to the national program. He’s in talks with a zoo in Taiwan too about some bloodline trades. It’s really annoying sometimes. He gets dozens of babies a season and I’m lucky if I’ll see more than two or three in my career.”

         “Well you chose the pandas,” Logan said.

         “I’ll have you know the pandas chose me,” Patton said. “You want another drink?”

         “Nah, I’ll drive you home,” Logan said. “Go flirt with the bartender and see if he’ll pretend to think you’re young some more.”

         Patton laughed as he slid out of his seat, walking over to the bar. On the dancefloor Logan saw a small group of students, a few of which he recognized—one in particular a large pain in his ass. Remus Prince, Quarterback of the university football team and well-known idiot. Logan wished Remus was the typical jock idiot, uncaring and arrogant, one he could easily fail without a second thought, but Remus was bound and determined to make up for his own shortcomings with hard work and extra credit. It meant that half of Logan’s office hours were spent patiently explaining things to Remus again and again, and accepting an outlandish amount of extra credit work.

         And—even more annoyingly—through it all Remus was cheerful, friendly and actually interested in what Logan had to say. Worse still, Remus was a senior, only four years younger than Logan who was the baby of the science department and didn’t he just hate that little nickname? Remus was like a peer, but worse, a jock, the kind of person that would have made Logan’s life miserable if they’d ever walked the same halls together as students. The revelation that Remus was gay was… interesting? No, not interesting. He’s a student and you don’t care. Logan rubbed his eyes and sighed, jumping when Patton returned with two appletinis. He sat down and stared at his brother matter-of-factly, “Guess how much these cost me?”

         Logan raised an eyebrow and couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at his lips, “How are we related?”

          Patton was a lot heavier than he looked when he needed to be carried, and Logan struggled up the stairs to the door of the apartment, knocking on the door. It was a cute place, all brick and right on the street, divided in half horizontally to make a duplex, but it was roomy and it was nice for two people on zookeeper salary; it was inexpensive—for Florida. Ethan opened the door and Logan gasped, “Ethan, your face!”

         Ethan did smile, and there was more than a little pride in it, “Don’t worry. She hit above and below my eye but the doc said to keep a full dressing on it at night so I don’t rub anything off. He cool?”

         “Vodka drunk,” Logan said, hauling Patton inside and laying him on the couch. “Not too bad but I told him I’d stay sober and I think he needed to drink off some stress.”

         “The move, yeah,” Ethan said, following Logan back to the door. “And my face. He’s not really loving how many times I take the bandage off to show people but it’s my first big tag! You wanna see the pictures from the ER?”

         “Gosh I’d love to but I have class in the morning so-”

         “Ethan!” Patton called from the livingroom, “Come sex me up, Mr. Snake Whisperer!”

         “Good luck with that,” Logan said. “Tell him to call me when he’s less obnoxious.”

         “Will do,” Ethan said. “Bye Logan.”

         Logan snorted when Patton called again and started down the stairs, “Good luck!”

                   Logan looked at himself in the mirror after taking out his contacts and smiled at his grey eyes; grey was distinguished, and he didn’t mind having a constant reminder—for himself and others—that he was beyond all of this soulmate nonsense. He was a lone wolf, just like Patton said, and his true love was forensic anthropology—or biology, as he was currently teaching. His application was top in line for the anthropology department, however, and he had consulted a time or two on actual cases. So, despite Patton’s—and his mother’s—insistence that his life was somehow incomplete, Logan couldn’t be happier. He turned off the bathroom light and crawled into bed, thinking back over his tasks for the day, all of which he’d completed before he ever set foot inside the gay bar with his brother. It was the same way he lulled himself to sleep every night, assured of all of his accomplishments, large and small, and how every day was a blank slate.

         Sleep came quick for him, thanks to the single glass of whiskey and the exhaustion of dealing with his drunk brother—and his sober brother-in-law. His dreams were blurry and immemorable until suddenly his vision was filled with green. There were calloused hands on his skin, warm lips on his cheek and breath in his ear, and he was held against a solid body with a grip that was surprisingly strong. He closed his eyes and still all he could see was green.

         Logan gasped and sat up, checking the clock and scowling; it was still the middle of the night and he was baffled by the strange dream and irredeemably hard. He sighed heavily and climbed out of bed, heading back into the bathroom and turning the shower to cold, stripping off his pajamas. Who the hell did he know that was associated with green, anyway? He didn’t even like the color green, his favorite color was indigo, far from the blinding lime he’d been accosted with in his dream. Any thoughts of the dream went screaming from his mind when he stepped into the water; his chest tightened and he exhaled involuntarily, “F-fuck!”

He tightened his hands into fists and endured the water, somehow preferring cold-induced heart palpitations to ward off an unwanted erection than perhaps the more obvious—and less miserable—solution. It was easier to be stubborn and miserable than to admit—and revel in—the fact that something had gotten him going, and that it had to be the dream. Whiskey wasn’t exactly known for facilitating physical arousal, and he’d barely had enough to taste in the first place.

                           “Morning!” Remus announced as he knocked on the open office door.

         “Good morning,” Logan said, “Come in, Mr. Prince.” He cleared away the end of his desk where Remus usually worked and stacked up the papers elsewhere. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

         Remus laughed, his cheeks a bit pink; Logan wondered if he was getting a cold—and how much that would panic the other professors about the state of the football team. He took a sip of his coffee as he sat down. Remus scratched the back of his neck, “Well I have the three essays to turn in, and I did the makeup dissection test with Professor Picane’s Zoological Anatomy class… the uh… feral pig?”

         “Fetal pig,” Logan said, putting his coffee cup aside. “He sent your scores up to me. Good work. You got everything right except for the microscope work. We’re still struggling with cellular identification. I spoke with Emile and he said you actually seemed to have issues where things were similarly colored, so I took the liberty of emailing you some color-blind tests. I’m also inviting you to come in during my freshman course tomorrow. I use different dyes in my slides and I think you’ll benefit from it.”

         “Great!” Remus said. “You really go above and beyond to help me, Professor Heart. I um… well, thank you so much.”

         Logan crossed his legs, leaning back in his chair, “You know, Remus, I think you’ve got a lot of potential, and I think you’ve been pushed through classes due to your athletic prowess—to your detriment. I really want to help you understand that you’re not lacking in intelligence, you understand. You’ve got the answers, we’ve just had to learn how to get to them, right?”

         “Right,” Remus said, ducking his head shyly. “You’re always right.”

         “Now, with these three essays and with you making up the microscope work tomorrow, there’s no need for anymore extra credit work. You’ve got this, Mr. Prince. All you have to do is attend all of the lectures and you’ll be on track for a strong grade in this class. Do you feel like you need any more help?”

         Remus hesitated, “I  mean… you’ve done so much. I know you’ve basically changed my life, and how I feel about science—school in general! I um… I guess if I need anything I’ll just schedule a day before finals. If you think I can do it, I think I can do it.”

         Logan smiled, “Very good, Remus. You’ve got this.”

         Remus set the three essays down on the empty part of the desk and looked over them, “I can’t believe this is it, you know? I’m going to graduate in less than a month.”

         “Another year on the books,” Logan said. “Wait until you’re my age.”

   ��     “You’re not old,” Remus said. “You’re still in your twenties too. Oh!” He picked up his backpack and dug through it, pulling out a small cardboard box. He set it on the desk. “I know your real interest is anthropology, like the cop kind, and I um… well, my dad works in the big museum uptown. They got a few of these and they gave my dad two of them.”

         Logan took the box and opened it, raising an eyebrow as he took out a human skull, obviously prepared and preserved professionally. “This is a nicely intact specimen. You’re certain this is alright?”

         “Yeah my dad said he’d rather it go to somebody who wants it than just gather dust in our basement or the museum’s basement. Oh they said it had uh… crouton disease?”

         “Crouzon Disease,” Logan said, standing up. “Hyperostosis Frontalis Interna, very interesting. Thank you Remus this is incredibly thoughtful.”

         Remus watched Logan put the skull in a central place on his shelf of books and specimens; it looked good, but Remus wasn’t really paying attention to the skull, especially when Logan turned and gave him a smile, extending his hand. Remus jumped up and shook it eagerly, “Thank you again, professor. You’re my hero. You’re especially my parents’ hero.”

         Logan chuckled, and the touch was mildly electric, probably static, but it made Logan shiver, “You’re the hero, Mr. Prince. Remember that, hard work got you this far, and it’ll take you wherever you want to go.”

         Remus nodded, slowly releasing Logan’s hand and stepping back to grab his backpack. “Well, see you in class tomorrow! Eight, right?”

         “Right,” Logan said. “And don’t forget the possibility of a pop quiz tomorrow in your actual class.”

         “Possibility,” Remus chuckled. “Good one, Professor Heart. See you then.”

         Logan watched him go and sighed, turning to admire the skull, a warmth blooming in his chest he’d never really felt before. It really was a nice skull, he supposed.

          Logan drove home with that feeling intact, almost floating into the elevator and riding it up to his floor. After making it down the hallway, and the obligatory avoidance of his neighbor’s eyes, he stepped into his apartment and locked the door behind him. He felt bone-deep exhausted—probably from the dream-cursed night before—and he went straight to the bathroom to take out his contacts. Once his contacts were safely back in their saline baths, he brushed his teeth, grabbing his glasses off of the vanity and putting them on. He admired his eyes—his green eyes. Logan gasped and squeezed his eyes closed, opening them again, still green. He took off his glasses, and his reflection was blurry, but clearly green eyes stared back at him. The warmth in his chest suddenly became a sharp icicle, and he realized. Green, Remus Prince. “Fuck!” Logan shouted, turning off the light and rushing out to his bedroom. He sat on the bed and pulled his cellphone out of his pocket, dialing his brother.

         The phone rang several times, and went to voicemail; Logan swore again and dialed the home phone, “Come on Pat come on.”

         “Hey Logan! What’s up?”

         “Ethan? Oh, is Pat… oh shit.”

         “Alabama,” Ethan said. “Yeah. You ok?”

         “No, not at all… oh god. Can we talk? Like do you have time?” Logan stood up, pacing around the bed. “I have… an awkward situation.”

         “You? I don’t believe it.”

         Logan sighed and Ethan laughed, “I’d like to be serious with you for a moment.”

         “Of course,” Ethan said. “Go ahead.”

         “When you realized you were Patton’s soulmate, was there a feeling?”

         “Hm,” Ethan said. “Actually, yes. I thought I had heartburn, actually. Just like this warmth in my chest? It sounds a bit stereotypical but yeah. I felt warm. That night when I was washing my face I realized my eyes had changed. You doing a study?”

         “Um… no,” Logan admitted. “My eyes are green.”

         “Oh! Oh my god! Did you tell your mom?”

         “Please, Ethan. I have only told you.”

         “Do you know who it is?” Ethan asked. “Any clue?”

         “One of my students,” Logan said. “The… football player.”

         “Oh yeah I remember Patton mentioning him, the stupid one right?”

         Logan bristled, “He isn’t stupid. He’s…” He sighed, rubbing his temple, “Well, thank you Ethan. You’ve answered my question.”

         “Text Pat,” Ethan said. “He’ll lose his shit.”

         “Goodnight, Ethan,” Logan said.

         Logan hung up and set his phone on the nightstand before undressing, pulling on a pair of pajama pants and climbing into bed. He turned off the lamp and pulled the blanket over his head, willing himself to sink into the earth.

          The following morning’s class was a blur of barely-controlled panic and dread, but luckily Remus barely even spared him a glance, intent on taking and passing his cellular identification exam. Logan pretended to grade papers when Remus came up to his desk, and his heart surged like it had, warming to Remus like a rock in the sun, “See you in class.”

         Logan gave a noncommittal sound, and Remus left the classroom, allowing Logan to finally breathe. Ignoring this wasn’t going to be easy, and Logan was already getting frantic texts from his brother demanding an explanation. Logan briefly wondered how hard it would be to vanish without changing universities. The worst part, without question, was how badly he wanted Remus to touch him, even just a brush of his hand. His body was like a magnet and his hands were shaking even though their closeness had been brief. At least his upcoming class was taking a pop quiz, and they were to clear out as soon as answers were submitted.  

          Logan remained more or less glued to the desk during the hour between classes, grading the microscope work—Remus hadn’t missed a single slide, so Picane’s catch on the colorblindness had been spot on. Logan had felt a stab of jealousy, absurd as it was, that he hadn’t realized it sooner, first, because Remus was his soulmate—his.

         “Mine,” Logan muttered to himself, then his face heated up when he realized what he’d said, and he looked down to realize he’d written it on Remus’ exam answers. Quickly scratching it out he pushed the test aside and lowered his face to the desk. “What a nightmare.”

         “What’s a nightmare, Mr. Heart?”

         Logan looked up to see his first student sliding into her desk, and he forced a chuckle, “The state of the economy in nineteenth century Luxembourg.” He stood up and began writing on the board.

         “Will that be on the final?” another student asked. The classroom had started filling up.

         “Not unless I’ve ever written it on this board,” Logan said. “We start final prep next week, don’t forget.”

         He finished filling out the board as the rest of his students filed in, and once his watch beeped cheerily that class had started, he heard a voice pick up behind him, the same girl from before, “Is that your favorite tie, Mr. Heart? You wear it a lot.”

         “It’s my favorite color,” Logan said without turning around. “As charming as the distraction is, I haven’t forgotten the pop quiz.” He turned around and Remus was staring at him, mouth open in shock. On either side of him, his linebacker buddies were looking at one another, and Logan realized his mistake in revealing his favorite color—because he knew better than anyone what color Remus’ eyes must be now. Wincing, he adjusted his glasses, “Alright, please take out a clean sheet of paper and answer the questions I’ve written on the board. When you’re finished please leave them up here and you may go.”

         Logan sat at his desk and pretended to be working, jumping when the first student turned in their quiz, but calmed and kept his eyes down as the steady stream of quizzes landed on his desk. He was starting to feel safe when most of his students had gone, and he made the mistake of looking up when a loud pair of sneakers stopped at his desk. The room was empty, and Remus Prince was standing at his desk, quiz in his hand. He set it down with the others and shoved his hands in his pockets, “Your eyes are green. I never noticed.”

         Logan paled and stared up at Remus, “I um… it’s recent.”

         Remus nodded, “Me too, indigo, right? It’s a weird blue for eyes. My brother said they look like Liz Taylor whoever that is.”

         Logan let out a nervous little laugh, looking down at the paper he’d been doodling on only to realize he’d been writing the word mine over and over, “Yeah. She had um… dark eyes. So I suppose you’ve met your soulmate then, congratulations, Mr. Prince.”

         Remus looked around and then back at Logan, “You’re going to pretend it isn’t you?”

         Logan was feeling very much like a deer in the headlights, but at the same time heat was playing in his chest. He pushed his chair back and stood up, tensing when Remus reached to grab his wrist, “I’m not-” Logan tried to pull away but Remus shook his head, “I’m not pretending anything I… damn it. Damn it I’m afraid, ok? You’re a student!”

         “Not for long! Like two weeks from now I’m taking the final, and unless I stop showing up entirely, there’s no way I’m failing. I did the math which I know will impress you because I’m such an idiot.”

         “Mr. Prince,” Logan said, then sighed. “Remus… is this even something you want? A relationship dictated by some… some system we don’t even understand? By colors and chance and… what, fate? You want to let the universe stick you with someone… someone like me?”

         Remus laughed and released Logan, covering his face with his hands, “You don’t fucking get it, do you? You really don’t.”

         Logan wrapped his arms around himself, blushing and adjusting his glasses, “Don’t get what?”

         “I have wanted you since before I started in this class!” Remus said. “My brother, the attention whore? He had me come here last semester to pick up a paper for him, remember? If it was just fate shoving us together it would have happened then… but it didn’t. I thought you were hot, so I signed up for your class because I figured I’d cheat my way through and have a hot prof to stare at right?”

         “Hot?”

         “Just let me finish,” Remus said. “When I came in here and sat down at that desk and I listened to you read the syllabus… and all of your weird bone jokes and that thing about the swamp mummy?”

         “Bog bodies, the Tollund Man, yes,” Logan said. “You remember that?”

         “Yeah because you cared, like you actually cared about it. You’re not just here because you couldn’t get a career and you’re not just here to waste time. You really care about what you’re teaching us, and I know you’re trying to switch departments but whatever, you know what I mean… there’s a lot of passion there and it made me give a shit. It took me forty-five minutes to fall in love with your stupid class, and maybe two or three classes to fall in love with you… but still it didn’t happen. Because it didn’t happen until you fell in love with me.”

         Logan was silent as he stared at Remus, his mouth hanging open; he took a sharp breath, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Jesus.”

         “Well? Am I right?” Remus said, tears welling up in his eyes. “It’s the mustache right? My friends told me that’s the reason you didn’t tell me. Because you hate it. I don’t even care. I’ll shave it off, ok? I don’t care if it’s good luck I-”

         Logan crossed the short distance between them and kissed Remus, cutting him off. Remus grabbed Logan’s collar and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Logan’s mind spun, and his knees went weak. Remus had no trouble holding him up, and when they finally broke the kiss, Logan smiled sheepishly. “I don’t hate the mustache, as much as I wish I did. I really don’t.”

         Remus buried his face against Logan’s shoulder and laughed, “Great because I really need to keep it if I’m going to get drafted. Three of the NFL scouts commented on it.”

         “Yes I’m sure you’ll bring back the seventies mustache. Your parents will be ecstatic.”

         “Yeah… so um… are we dating?”

         “No,” Logan said, then off Remus’ look he hurried to elaborate. “Not until you pass this class of your own merit. Like you said, it’s no big deal and then, the second your final grade is logged in the university database… we can date.”

         Remus smiled, smoothing down Logan’s shirt as he stepped back, “Right, cool um… hey I should probably go then, right? Got studying to do. Bye teach.”

         “Mr. Prince,” Logan said, sinking back down into his seat once Remus was gone.

         It was going to be a long couple of weeks.

[28-connor-hugs]

Detroit: Become Family

Anyone out there interested in some angst and father-son fluff with Hank and Connor?  Because I’m here to offer you all some angst and father-son fluff with Hank and Connor.

June 30, 2040

“We’re celebrating your birthday this year, right?”

“I don’t have a birthday; I wasn’t born.”

The look on Hank’s face told Connor he was being too pedantic again.  “Fine,” Hank said dryly.  “We’re celebrating your android equivalent of a birthday this year, right?”

The familiar sarcasm had, for just a moment, brought the barest hint of a smile to Connor’s face - until the question made it vanish.  “Do we have to?”

Hank raised an eyebrow.  “No one has to.  They just want to.  You know that.”

“Yeah.”  Connor ducked his head, suddenly avoiding eye contact.  “But I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

Connor didn’t answer.

“C’mon,” Hank insisted.  “I let you get away with that last year.  This time I want a reason not to go buy you a Thirium birthday cake.”

“I don’t believe such a thing exists.”

“Humor me.”

Connor frowned, his hand straying toward the pocket where his quarter was stashed.  After his deviancy, the coin tricks that had once been a simple calibration sequence had quickly become an anxious tic; much as he wanted to, he had yet to be able to break the habit.  “I don’t see any reason to celebrate what Cyberlife made me,” he said so quietly Hank had to move a step closer to hear him.  “The day I… killed my first deviant.”

“You didn’t kill him.”

“He’s dead, isn’t he?”

“Connor-”

“I promised I’d help him, and then I let him die.  I won’t… I can’t celebrate that.”

.

August 15, 2040

And that had been the end of it - or so Connor had thought.

August 15th wasn’t even the first day he could remember.  It was the day he was finally fully activated, the day he left Cyberlife for the first time.  But there had been many days before that one that he would much rather have forgotten.

There had been so many versions of him that had been “born” and then killed within a matter of hours - the cost of Cyberlife’s attempts to create their most ambitious prototype yet in such a short time.

Connor could remember them all.

He hadn’t on the day of his first mission.  Cyberlife had engineered him that way on purpose, erasing the memories of his past lives, ensuring that he didn’t remember what it felt like to die.

Ensuring that he wouldn’t feel a thing when he allowed Daniel to die.

But it hadn’t lasted.  The moment he at last broke through the red walls and became a deviant, all of the memories that had been hidden from him came flooding back.

The first emotion Connor experienced as a deviant was guilt.  Guilt for what he’d done to Daniel, guilt for turning in the android in Carlos Ortiz’s attic, guilt for uncovering the location of Jericho.  It was his punishment for daring to try to free himself from his creators: the ability to understand exactly what he'd done to his own people, to understand the fear they’d felt before they died.

Because of him.

.

Connor shuddered, wrapping his arms tighter around himself.  He was sitting on his bed, leaning back against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest, trying not to think about what day it was.  Faint blue light played across his face from the large tank that sat nearby, and he stared intensely into it, hoping that the brightly colored tropical fish that swam lazily through the water would be enough to distract him from his thoughts.

It wasn’t.  Nothing ever was.

He’d picked up a dwarf gourami off the floor.  He didn’t know why.  Nothing in his programming told him to do it.  It just… felt right.

One of the fish was swimming back and forth near the side of the tank, staring at its own reflection in the glass.  Connor had noticed its fascination some time ago; he wondered what it made of its own appearance.

He’d seen himself reflected in the tank as he dropped the fish back into it.  He’d had no reaction at the time, this particular body having very little meaning to him.  It was likely only temporary, after all.  If this one was destroyed, another would simply take its place.

Another fish peeked briefly out from the shelter of a hollow rock, then darted back into the shadows.  It had always seemed to favor that hiding place.

The members of the SWAT team nearest to the balcony were hunkered down behind any shelter they could find.  Some had already been gunned down by the deviant, and the rest were now more cautious.  Connor had looked at the fallen bodies dispassionately.  They were mere evidence now, a puzzle for him to piece together and nothing more.

One of the fish seemed to have a favorite plant.  It spent most of its time swimming around it and through the leaves - until another fish came too close and it had to chase the intruder off.

The deviant was shooting at everyone it could see.  Connor had stepped out onto the balcony and almost immediately taken a bullet to the arm for his trouble.  The injury was trivial to him.  He was nothing but a machine; all androids were.  If the deviant thought differently, then it would be eliminated.  Machines could always be replaced.

One of the fish always stayed near the bottom of the tank, seemingly wary of straying too close to the water’s surface.  It had once, in its haste to get at its food, leapt clear out of the water and fully over the side of the tank, only Connor’s quick reflexes saving it before it could fall to the ground.  It was safely returned to the tank in a matter of seconds, and had never attempted such a feat again.  Connor had always wondered if it somehow remembered the experience.

He had watched Daniel fall.  It shouldn’t have mattered to him.  His mission had been to diffuse the hostage situation, and he had succeeded; the girl was safe.  And all it had taken was a handful of empty promises.  Daniel had already done far too much harm to be allowed to live, and yet he still believed it when Connor said he would protect him.  It was foolish, especially for a being that claimed to be alive.

But Connor had watched him fall.  The sight of it was burned into his memory, replaying itself again and again against his will.

There was no guilt.  Not yet.  It was still too soon for that.

What Connor had learned that day was fear.

.

“You know, when I got you those fish, I was really hoping they’d distract you.”

Connor was so lost in thought, he actually jumped slightly at Hank’s sudden appearance.  He hadn’t heard the door open.  “I was just… watching them,” he said lamely.

“Bullshit,” Hank responded evenly, keeping his tone light so Connor would know he wasn’t angry.  “You were lost in your own head again, kid.”  The android had come a long way in his two short years of life, but, as evidenced by his rapidly cycling LED, he still hadn’t managed to find a way to control his own racing thoughts.

Connor couldn’t deny it.  He turned away, pale blue coloring his cheeks.  “...couldn’t help it.”

Hank sighed.  “Yeah.  I know.”  He took a step into the room, keeping one hand hidden behind his back.  “Look, I… I get it.  I get why you don’t want to celebrate your birthday.  The people who made you were assholes, they made you do a bunch of crap you regret.  It was just a shitty day.  But the thing is…”  Connor looked up at him curiously, his head tilted to one side.  There was something confusing about Hank’s behavior; he seemed almost… nervous?  “...what if it didn’t have to be?”

“What?”

Again taking a step closer, Hank pulled his hand out from behind his back, revealing a large, flat, rectangular box wrapped in blue paper.  “I know you always say you don’t need anything, but I’m pretty sure I found something you’ll want.”

Something twisted in Connor’s chest.  He hadn’t expected this.  He was well aware that gift-giving was traditional on birthdays, but he thought he’d finally convinced Hank not to acknowledge it.  He didn’t want a birthday gift.  He didn’t deserve one.

And yet… there was something odd about Hank today that Connor couldn’t quite pin down, a kind of nervous energy that permeated the room.  He held the box out insistently, and at last, Connor’s curiosity got the better of him and he took it.

There was a card taped to the top.  Connor removed it carefully and opened it.  “You’re 2!” was emblazoned across the front in bold, colorful letters, over a row of cartoonishly rendered puppies wearing party hats.  It was clearly a birthday card for a toddler.  Connor raised an eyebrow at Hank, who shrugged, laughing.  “Couldn’t resist.  Now c’mon.  Open the box.”

Connor turned the box over in his hands, finding a taped edge and carefully peeling it up.  In his periphery, he saw Hank roll his eyes.  “We’re not savin’ the damn paper, kid.”  Connor ignored him, and continued to remove it methodically, stalling for time without really even knowing why.  He had a strange, inexplicable feeling that whatever was in the box, he didn’t deserve.

“Con?”

Connor started, suddenly realizing he’d been sitting motionless, staring at the plain brown box, now free of wrapping.

“You okay?”

Instead of answering - he didn’t know how he would anyway - he finally, decisively, pulled the lid off the box.

He froze.

Inside was nothing but a few sheets of paper.

The silence stretched on, and as he stared at the flashes of red in Connor’s LED, Hank began to grow concerned - and then to wonder if he’d made a mistake.  It had been a bit of a risk, he supposed, going and putting this into motion all on his own.  But when the latest set of android laws had passed, he hadn’t been able to resist.

Maybe he should’ve waited.  Maybe they should’ve talked about it first.

“Look, if you don’t want - I mean, I know it’s sudden.  You don’t have to-”

Connor interrupted him, his hands shaking as he stared down at the forms in his hands, unable to tear his eyes away from the words printed across the top: Petition for Adoption of Adult.  “You want to adopt me?”

Hank shifted his weight from foot to foot; he hadn’t been this nervous in a long time.  “If - if you want me to.  Just gotta get a couple witnesses and sign for it.”

Connor finally looked up at him, his dark eyes shining.  “Why?”

“What?”

“I’m not like you... I’m not human, I don’t know how to…”

“How to what?” Hank asked wryly.  “Deal with your feelings like a functional adult?  Good news, I don’t either.”

Connor shook his head wordlessly, struggling to voice his fears.  Had Hank really thought this through?  He’d had a family once… how could Connor ever hope to measure up to what he’d lost?  Finally, in barely more than a whisper, the words found their way out: “I don’t know how to be Cole.”

The plaintive statement hit Hank like a blow to the chest.  It was the last thing he’d expected to hear - and yet he realized he was prepared for it.  Maybe he had been ever since he’d first met Connor.

“I never asked you to be.”

Connor didn’t answer, but looked up at him pleadingly, a mixture of doubt and hope warring in his eyes.

“Do those papers say Cole on them?”

Connor glanced down at them needlessly.  “...no.”

“What do they say?”

He had to take a deep breath before he could reply.  “Connor… Anderson.”

Hank nodded.  “Damn right.  I’m not looking for another Cole.  I already had one, and no one could ever replace him.  I just… realized I’m ready to let someone else have that kind of place in my life.”  He cleared his throat, crossing and uncrossing his arms nervously.  “I’m ready to let you have that place in my life.”

Connor was speechless.  He’d asked Markus once what it was like to have a human father, and the deviant leader’s only response had been a rather enigmatic, “I think you already know.”  As such, he’d come to think of Hank as family.  He’d suspected - and hoped, of course - that Hank felt the same way, but he’d never been able to ask.  To suddenly find himself holding the proof in his hands was overwhelming.

“You see me as… your family?”

Hank raised an eyebrow.  “‘Course I do.”  He shook his head.  “You know, for the most amazing detective ever invented or whatever, you can be oblivious as hell.”

Connor let out a shaky laugh, a smile he couldn’t control spreading across his face as his LED transitioned quickly to bright, cheerful blue.  And then, before he even knew he wanted to do it, he’d dropped the box onto his bed and thrown himself into Hank’s arms.  The older man let out a faint oof as the wind was knocked out of him by the sudden armful of emotional android, but he adjusted quickly and wrapped his soon-to-be-adopted son in an enormous bear-hug, grinning when he heard Connor again laugh quietly.  It was a rare sound from the reserved android, and Hank savored it.

“Happy birthday, son.”

A few of the tears in Connor’s eyes managed to escape, and he pressed his face into Hank’s shoulder.  It wasn’t unusual for Hank to call him “son,” but it had a new meaning now.  He only hesitated a moment before he replied, his voice muffled, “Thank you… Dad.”

Tears suddenly sprang to Hank’s eyes as well.  “Dad” was a title he once thought he’d lost for good.  Just two years ago, he never would’ve dared dream that he would one day earn it again - and from an android of all people.  He ruffled Connor’s hair affectionately, unable to stop smiling.  He heard Connor murmur something into his shoulder, so quietly he could barely make it out - but the words found their way through:

“My name is Connor Anderson.”

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Life | 2019

Or that annual New Year’s meme about yours truly.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Had abdominal surgery! I spent most of April either doped up or unconscious. Long story short, I had an ovarian cyst that they thought was twice as big as my fist. So they fast-tracked me to surgery, and discovered that while I did have an ovarian cyst that was pretty large, most of the issue was that my bowel had fused to my uterine wall. Or was it abdominal wall? Either way, my bowel was glued to where it shouldn’t be and very angry because it had a fairly large pre-cancerous polyp in it. Which I found out a week after the abdominal surgery, when I had to have a colonoscopy. Which leads me to...

Had to do three different bowel preps in less than a month! It’s really not fun, guys. But, I got a cyst removed, a polyp removed, a metric fuckton of endo removed, and got my bowel back where it should be. Also, they confirmed that I can have babies! Which I didn’t know I was so fucked up about until I started crying about it post surgery.

Oh, also I peed in a bedpan. That’s also something I’ve never done before. And and and, been sick on Christmas! - Adding Tanya later in this post means I remembered something else I’d never done before - jumped into a pool fully dressed. Then became... no longer dressed.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Still don’t remember what my resolution was which- hey, 2020 Heather! Your 2019 resolution is to legitimately lose weight (she says while eating cotton candy ice cream out of the tub) and quit smoking again. Also, maybe be engaged. But mostly, the weight and the smoking thing. 

As for 2019 resolutions- I can guess what they were, which probably boiled down to losing weight. I put on about 20 pounds after surgery and haven’t lost it, because shocker, abdominal surgery really fucks with your core strength. Pretty sure there was something in there about reading 100 books (done), beating 4 games (done), and write something original (done? technically?) and/or novel-length (negative). 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? High school people and a few old coworkers. Nick’s cousin and his wife just had their third kid though. I think it may have actually happened on Christmas. 4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? No countries. Went to North Carolina for our possible last beach vacation. In January we’re going to Vegas for our friend’s wedding, which will be interesting. They’re getting married on a ferris wheel by an Elvis impersonator. May also go to Maine this year, but not sure yet because I only have a certain amount of vacation time. 

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? Didn’t get a ring, yet. But we’ll see. We also didn’t get the house yet, so lets recycle those wants! Also, while we’re shooting big here, how about a better goddamn president?

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Started my second big girl job on November 18th. Had surgery on April 12th. Not a whole lot else stands out. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Got a new job! With more money and more responsibility and will look really good on a resume! Didn’t kill myself? Which sounds pretty morbid, but I had a lot of pain in my life earlier in the year. 

9. What was your biggest failure? Not... losing... weight? Because I really need to do that. The heartburn bullshit will likely go away. The sleep apnea thing will likely go away. Your health in general will improve. And you don’t even like food that much anyway!  10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I think I’ve had the flu twice this year and again, abdominal surgery, so yes. 11. What was the best thing you bought? I got nice clothes? Most of the other shit has been knick-knacks. I got more books. A new bookshelf!  12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know. Mine, I guess. I mean, 2019 wasn’t the worst, but it definitely has not been great.  13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I have a friend. Let’s call her Amanda. Yeah, her. She’s blown us off a lot this year, which really sucks. The rest of it is her own decisions that only affect us because it’s inevitably going to affect her in a terrible way, but the blowing us off and only using us as passes for free food and ways to do her laundry really sucks.

14. Where did most of your money go? Surgery! My OOP may have been met in April, but the surgery itself was $48,000. I’ve only had to pay about $6,000 because my OOP was 5k, but that still hurts. And my dental sucks, which means I paid out of my ass to fix my teeth. Also, I bought way too many clothes and books. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I do still appreciate having a job with decent money. The new job will have insurance after my 90 day probation period (yeah, because you can’t have health care for 3 months even if you work in health care because you’re new). I’m glad that I caught the polyp before it became cancerous. I was happy I could have babies. I got excited about the new His Dark Materials series and The Witcher series and Kingdom Hearts 3 and God of War, and probably at least a couple other fandom things.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019? Face My Fears. Curse of the I-5 Corridor. Hadestown soundtrack. Transistor soundtrack. Wasteland, Baby! album. Billie Eilish in general. Lark of My Heart. But mostly, Face My Fears and Don’t Think Twice. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Sadder, probably? 2019 wasn’t great. ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter.  iii. richer or poorer? Technically probably on par with where I was last year? I didn’t save quite as much as I wanted to with the surgery happening. Also, my car needed some pricey repairs this year. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I do wish I’d written more this year, but I wrote a lot in October. Possibly more than the last two years combined, which was nice. And I read a lot. I kind of wish I slept more. Or ate better. Or worked out more. I’m just really tired this year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spent less time with doctors? But I mean, taking care of myself is good and I’ve never had that option before.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it mostly sleeping. We got a bug that was either a really bad cold or a flu, so I’ve spent the last week generally shitty and sweaty and tired. First year that we haven’t been able to do Christmas basically at all. But we spent the hours between 6pm on Christmas Eve and 10am Christmas morning have the most restless goddamn sleep in the world and then opened presents and watched Love Actually and some television (the last two episodes of the Witcher!) while kind of napping on the couch, and ordered Chinese because it was hungry and the only thing open. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? Think I’m going to make the pirozki on Sunday, and then we’re doing a gift exchange with some of our friends at his mom’s house. 22. Did you fall in love in 2019? Eh. Still love him.  23. Best month for you this year? Clearly me having a good 2018 while everyone else had a shitty one guaranteed 2019 to be shit, because I honestly don’t fucking know. October was nice. So was August. But fuck most of the rest of it.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2019? Russian Doll, Glow, The Dragon Prince, Good Omens, Schitt’s Creek, The Terror, Chernobyl, Buzzfeed Unsolved, She-Ra, His Dark Materials, The Witcher... 2019 may have been a meh year, but it had some good shows. Of those, I think my favorite was probably either The Witcher or Good Omens, with His Dark Materials, Russian Doll, and The Terror tying for third. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Eh.

26. What was the best book you read? Red, White, & Royal Blue was probably my favorite. I also read Sanderson’s books this year though, which were also absolutely amazing. Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive were wonderful. It was a pretty great year for books too. Books and TV, well done 2019. Middlegame, The Ninth Gate, a lot of rereads. Best one was still Red, White, & Royal Blue though. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Do Utada Hikaru’s new Kingdom Hearts anthems count? Because Spanish Sahara by Foals, Obstacles by Syd Matters, the new Hozier album, and the Hadestown soundtrack were all wonderful musical discoveries. 28. What did you want and got? I don’t know. New clothes? A laptop? Confirmation that my ovaries work?

29. What did you want but didn’t get? Well, I lost the bet with Brandon. No ring by the end of 2019. No kids, either, but we aren’t quite there yet. No house. No perfect health? Is that a thing?

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Into the Spiderverse a lot. Detective Pikachu. Rocketman.Frozen 2. Endgame was all right. I didn’t hate the new Star Wars. Toy Story 4. IT. It wasn’t a super great movie year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? The big 3-0. It was all right. The night before we went to Fujiyamas with a couple of our friends, then on my birthday we had breakfast at First Watch, did some Christmas shopping, and went to the Zoo Lights a little after 5. Froze to death because it was snowing and shocker, when snow melts you get wet, but it was nice. Then had a late dinner at Mackenzie River, because it was one of the only places still open and close to our place.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hah! A better president and a ring is the only thing that I didn’t get from my wishes last year. ----Hmmmmm 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? I did not give up and buys Scrubs. Instead I have a perhaps slightly oversized work appropriate selection of jeans (for Fridays), work slacks, blouses/sweaters, dresses, and skirts. I spent a little too much on clothes this year. I blame discovering Torrid. 34. What kept you sane? Reading was really, really great this year. - STILL leaving this answer, three years running! 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? David Tenant made a shocking comeback after Good Omens aired. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 20156789. —– Ayyyyy, this was my response from last year, and apparently also the year before and the one before! Hello past me’s, don’t worry, it’s still getting worse. 37. Who did you miss? Myself. Also, my brother, who is still in jail almost a year later and still no fucking trial. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I don’t know. Oh! I do know! I really like Tanya. 

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: Tanya is awesome and pretty and fun and possibly at least a little bit crazy, but we all fucking are, come on. She got to come with us on vacation this year and it really made it interesting. Also, Shay and Alicia. I knew them last year, but got to know them pretty well this year.

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

Took this one about 20 minutes after midnight on January 1st, 2019 after my first successful round of Battleshots. The hat went to the winner. It is not the most flattering picture, because I had been drinking already before I had to take four shots of Satan’s cinnamon liquor.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

Taken on my birthday, at the zoo. Again, snow melts.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Not sure? There’s not a whole lot of new food we haven’t tried. One of the pharmacists brought in some authentic Indian food for one of the potlucks we had and I don’t remember what it was called but it had rice and eggs and was amazing.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? I don’t know. We saw both Hamilton and Les Mis this year and they both reduced me to tears. I also had some good moments with books and tv shows I watched with Nick.

44. What are you excited for next year? There’s a couple new books. The election. Some tv shows, I think? Games? I don’t know, man. I’m trying not to come off as horribly depressed but I am kind of pretty depressed and nobody will ever know because the only person who ever gets this far into reading these things is me, so- hello 2020 me, you were really sad on December 26th 2019 and honestly for most of the year, so I sure hope 2020 is the year that we fucking seize life by the horns or however that saying goes.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: I feel like my message from last year is fucking taunting me. Legit though, this is not the worst thing you’ve ever been through. You have a boyfriend who loves you, two wonderful cats that better not fucking die anytime soon, and like, I don’t know, working ovaries. A job. A car. An apartment that has a kind of shitty kitchen and a bath tub that might as well not exist, but is still an apartment! Which is more than some people have! 

I guess my message from last year (it gets better) is in almost direct opposition of this year, which is basically: it could always be worse. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Feed me sunlight, feed me air In a place where nothing matters Feed me truth and feed me prayer

(seriously, deliriously happy 2018 me quoting singin’ in the rain is taunting me wtf)

First Fandom of 2019: January of 2019 was pretty solidly Detroit Become Human. It hit me hard. Favorite Main Character of 2019: Jonathan Sims. I was a slut for the Archivist in 2019. Favorite Villain of 2019: Elias from The Magnus Archives, maybe? My only other response would be.. dun dun dun, Ben Solo aka Kylo Ron or whatever Favorite M/F Couple of 2019: I... am back on my Reylo bullshit. Favorite F/F Couple of 2019: Can I say Villanelle and Eve even if I didn’t really dip into the fandom? No? Okay, Catra and Adora. Favorite M/M Couple of 2019: Okay, so the three that got me this year was Hank/Connor, Jon/Martin, and Ryan/Shane.  Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: Um, Buzzfeed Unsolved. Never would have guessed that one. Also like, while I would have expected Detroit Become Human I never would have guessed my favorite ship. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Sigh. Twas that Reylo smacking me in the face at the tail end of 2019. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Insert shrug? I read a weird Buzzfeed Unsolved fic above Mothman giving the guys sharable dreams (that were sometimes weird and sometimes sexy) until they boned. Last Fandom of 2019: Sighing again. Reylo. Though Yuletide has made it so I’ve read a lot of Queen’s Thief stuff. Favorite Fandom of 2019: I think that Buzzfeed Unsolved was my favorite purely from a fic standpoint, but Detroit Become Human and The Magnus Archives were both really great too.

[rgr-pop]

LONG POST AIRING GRIEVANCES ABOUT DUMB SHIT IN BEAUTY COMMUNITY!! 

oh my GOD. okay, so, small youtuber who is climbing. beloved by many small youtubers because she is a regular girl and very nice and FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK and has social justice interests, she also posts a lot of drama content and some people (including me tbh) really like the way she kind of ~~democratizes drama content. don’t @ me it’s whatever. reddit HATES her because her mother buys her a lot of makeup for her birthday (literally) and she is not into self-punishing no-buys which is the only thing people like right now very coincidentally (going on a no-buy is apparently how you end landfills).

this youtuber is fat and not conventionally pretty--I really hate even saying the latter because it is objectively not true and also an evil thing to say even nicely, but for example she is always talking about how she doesn’t really care that her lips are small and is not interested in overdrawing or “fixing” them, and getting flamed for it. in the community (the respectable arm of it, which is the rddt, where we are ostensibly not allowed to be like “she looks terrible”), where there is smoke there is fire, and “not skilled at makeup” + maybe some nebulous complaints about whininess = she is a fat girl, end her. (”rude” = black youtuber too much power, end her.)

i’m talking about sm*key gl*w whose name is hannah, hannah #1, i think it is interesting to contrast her with the other hannah that i talk about sometimes--i try not to talk about her too much because we sort of teechnically have real world social connections and, also, i just feel bad for her. i feel desperately bad for hannah #2, because she is in her thirties having lived in art communities and global urban centers but for the first time in her life having to reckon with things like--”it is not appropriate to talk about calories at dinner, etc.” that is the second hannah, and while she is sweet and interesting to many in the small youtube community precisely because she is very alien to them (has mfa), it’s very difficult to watch, and sometimes i think she is the most “toxic” youtuber i follow. she is not an originator in any way, but she found herself in the center of a so-called anticonsumerist movement in small beautube that is kind of taking over, which is related to but not exactly minimalism--you have probably heard me talk about this already, at length. a good example of this is that second hannah recently said in a video that she was thinking of doing a shopping “fast.” i don’t know how she became this person, and how she held onto this kind of personality in spite of being in lots of communities that i am also in or have friends in where i know that if you talked this way about dieting etc. at a social event, someone would probably softly scold you. she somehow insulated herself from this kind of learning, i don’t know, then she threw herself into beautube where a woman who maybe sort of likes art and writes poetry and has heard of “fair trade” before is an absolute anomaly, but that community--like literally, where people do liposuction and skinny teas!--has only encouraged this absolutely unreal nasty and BAD behavior. etc. i have a lot of feelings about this.

so first hannah is a fat girl who is not rich--we will get to that!--but spends her money primarily on makeup. people HATE her. second hannah is thin, possibly rich in family origin (i think she is) but basically your average working artist in life. she frames her so-called overconsumption not even precisely as an addiction but specifically as a lack of willpower that she also struggles with when it comes to sometimes eating sugar (really). both of these hannahs consume and talk about quite a lot of luxury makeup--second hannah is very openly committed to luxury purchase as part of her self-conception. second hannah sometimes goes on “shopping diets” though, so people praise her! it is evil. 

above is the shit i hate day in and day out but the points below will have more to do with the screencap +...upstate new york, i guess. henceforth we are only talking about first hannah.

so this girl is from some kind of small town around rochester or syracuse--something up there. iirc she goes to a suny school i had never heard of (i looked it up and it is a “suny comprehensive college,” though i can’t remember if she transferred out of this school to a bigger school. but, as many of you know, sunys are cheap as hell and should be protected at all costs, this school costs well under half what my state school did, for residents anyway.) she is in her mid-twenties and not graduated yet, due to struggles she has had (and spoken openly about) as well as having gone to community college. they LOVE to bring up how she is too old to be a college student! she’s like...idk 24 or something. she is going to school to be a social worker in one of those accelerated programs, which she has found quite difficult (again, spoken openly about this) and which also requires, as many of you know!, lots of extra work, unpaid and paid. she said somewhere that she does not have student loans, but i don’t know if her parents paid for her college or just shouldered loans, or if she paid for it, or if it is all financial aid. (”not having student loans” is something that enrages people, ESPECIALLY when someone doesn’t have loans because they got need-based aid.) again, she probably had some financial catastrophes due to school failures (speaking from experience here), but: sunys is cheap as hell and there are a million reasons why someone could go to one and not be struggling with loans!

where was i...her parents. watching this has fascinated me! her dad was a school teacher and her mom is a social worker--absolutely public servant middle class. i thiiink (could be wrong) that her father retired already and ended up retiring from a principalship, so they were probably extremely comfortable by the time she was in college, but they are definitionally middle class. the biggest controversy around this youtuber is that for birthdays and christmas her mother goes fucking insane--probably spent two to four hundred dollars on her for her birthday. she talks about this all the time: her mother and her are very close and their hobby is shopping. people treat this like the bougiest fucking thing on earth and it is ba nanas. straight up, this girl has probably never even HEARD of anthropologie. listen, i can’t afford to live like her either but i recognize poor shopping when i see it. working class people like to blow their money on bullshit and to take issue with that is demonstrably racist and classist! i will not hear this conversation over again in 2019. for example, hannah made a video about her “high end bag” collection, in which she said she got a bcbg bag on sale for like $30 but had never heard of the brand before. she had once been gifted a kate spade bag and her DREAM was to purchase one on her own. she buys coach at the local coach outlet, which is a regional attraction. THIS GIRL IS NOT BOUGIE! THEY ARE JUST MAD THAT SHE OWNS CLOTHES AND IS ALSO FAT! she did a closet tour where she talked about how she has like 50 crop tops, they were ALL like forever 21. they are just mad about fat girl in crop tops. there is nothing to see here! does she have too much shit, and shop too much? sure. welcome to flyover country you dumb bitches. that is what I think about that!

so, she definitely makes money on youtube, but mostly enough to sustain youtube and makeup buying (possibly some savings? unsure. i know she said this in a video but i forget.) she has lived with this boyfriend of hers for a number of years and they are building a life together that doesn’t immediately include marriage, probably largely for financial reasons. i get the sense that his jobs pay a lot of their bills, but he just finished getting a teaching MA of some kind (i think he is a math teacher? i already forgot) and is entering the regular teaching job market. based on some of the following i think his parents might be wealthier than hers but i think they might also be teachers. as you can see in the screenshot above, people are enraged at this girl for apparently being a gold digger for getting a house with him before they are married! 

people are SO pissed that she was “able to buy a house” at age 25, but they did not watch the video! in which she said that they had been dealing with the death of her bf’s step grandpa all year, and the family had decided that they should take over the step grandpa’s house. (step grandpa’s family does sound “richer” because, according to her, this house had been owned by a GREAT grandparent and paid off decades ago.) her descriptions of this house are confusing to me because she keeps referring to it as both “old” and “from the eighties,”; I think it is an actually old house that had not been “updated” since the eighties. seems like the family did not “gift” it to them as much as sign it over to them in exchange for them being the ones to take out the renovation loans, which allegedly she said are $50k. unclear to me if she and her bf got approved for that loan--probably not, I think it was taken out in the family’s name. ($50k is too much to put into a house in rochester imooo but I am reserving my judgment there! rochester has a very flyover housing economy, much like ours, but with a much higher end, I think?)

so anyway, these vultures are sociopaths. “ Who gives someone a house no matter how much they like them? That seems wild to me” ...p-parents? dead grandparents? is your will gonna be like “my kid has to buy their OWN house like i did!” who are these people

YES SOMETIMES YOU STOP NEEDING YOUR HOUSE, WHEN YOU DIE

anyway I’m done. I just thought this thing would be of interest in particular to the upstate new yorkers. the whole condition of the indebted working-middle class is just like inconceivable to people who consume only ideologically pure content by wealthy west coast whites all day long 

[bitchesgetriches]

So I want to go to trade school before I go to college partly because I have no idea what I want to do and I know I like working with my hands and because I'd prefer to have a stable income before I take out loans for something I'm unsure about. The thing is my extended family is putting kind of a large amount of money into a college fund for me. (1/2)

           I don’t want this to guilt trip me into going to college when I’m still unsure about what I would do but I also don’t want to take this money and then not use it for what they intended it for. I was thinking maybe I could use part of it for trade school and then keep the rest for when I do go back to college. Idk what to do, do yall have any advice? (2/2 family money anon)             

Worry not, pookie muffin, for we are here to advise you.

First off, trade school is generally for those who know EXACTLY what they want to do. It’s specific job training. So if you’re not sure what you want to do, it might be best to hold off on going to trade school.

In fact, I recommend that after you graduate high school, you take a year off from your education before either going to college or trade school. This is commonly known as a “gap year,” and it’s a perfectly normal step for young people who need time to decide what to do in their adult lives.

During your gap year, you can get a job or an internship—or several jobs and internships—to gain some real-world experience that will inform your eventual decision. You can also volunteer through programs like Teach For America, the Peace Corps, or AmeriCorps (some of these require a college degree). Or you can take a semester-long Outward Bound course to build your character and learn about yourself. You could even join the military for four years if that sounds like something you’re ready for (definitely not for everyone). The point is, you need time to make up your mind and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The money your family is saving for you will still be there after your gap year (or years). What’s important is that you don’t rush into any decision. The worst thing you can do to your family is to waste their money. Taking the time to make an informed decision is a great way to thank them for the gift of saving you a college fund. And if you explain it to them that way, they’ll understand and be proud of you.

Here’s some more advice:

High School Students Have No Way of Knowing What Career to Choose. Why Do We Make Them Do It Anyway?

The Actually Helpful, Nuanced, Non-Bullshit Way to Choose a Future Career  

[winterironshieldbang]

MASTERLIST 2017/2018

TITLE: Why Tony Stark is injurious to the heart health of ninety year olds

AUTHOR: makeyamad

ARTIST: chaosdraws

PAIRINGS: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

RATING: Teen and Up

WARNINGS: None

SUMMARY:

What if Bucky broke through his programming on December 16, 1991? What if Tony got to grow up with one of his childhood heroes who challenges him on a visceral level, constantly pushing him to change his own destiny and makes his heart beat like a hummingbird? What if Steve woke up to a world too bright and a best friend whose past cast red tinged shadows that threatened to swallow him whole, yet managed to smile for Steve? What would Steve make of Tony, his best friend’s guiding light , who looked at Steve with equal parts admiration and resentment? And who the hell invited Thanos to the party anyway?

LINK TO STORY: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13623207/chapters/31280367 LINK TO ART: Click Here

~o~o~o~

TITLE: The path beneath your feet

AUTHOR: Striving-artist 

ARTIST: Eriot (latelierderiot)

PAIRINGS: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

RATING: Teen And Up Audiences

WARNINGS: None

SUMMARY: 

A Star fell, and in its wake, Soulmarks appeared. Smaller than a person’s palm, centered over their sternum, and a greater risk than when the Stars gave mankind Guilt, the Marks were to be Humanity’s eternal guides. The gift gave the Stars a way to direct their children. The Stars would watch, and wait to see what a person needed in their life. They waited to see what would bring them the greatest joy, then they could give them a token to find that path and keep them true. *** All three share a Mark.

But Steve and Bucky have each other.

And Tony has Iron Man.

LINK TO STORY: HERE

LINK TO ART: HERE

~o~o~o~

Title: If Only Author: Wix Artist: RsCreighton Pairings: Steve/Tony/Bucky, WinterIronShield Rating: T Warnings: References to past torture and mind control. Summary:

The Avengers have tracked down the Winter Soldier and brought him into the fold, but Bucky isn’t really back yet and Steve’s hurting from the distance between him and his first love - and then there’s the whole thing with Tony. It’s okay though, they’ll figure it all out…probably. A/N: Not AOU Compliant, Not fully CA:WS compliant. LINK TO STORY: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13596528 LINK TO ART: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13603791

~o~o~o~

TITLE: The Revenge AUTHOR: Riverlander974 ARTIST: Hazein PAIRINGS: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark RATING: Teen WARNINGS: N/A SUMMARY:

“Hello. My name is Anthony Stark. You killed my family. Prepare to die.” Heroes, Giants, Pirates, Villains, Revenge and True Love. You know this story. Mostly. A ‘Princess Bride’ AU. A/N: New chapters will be posted every other day!! LINK TO STORY: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13543128/chapters/31072041 LINK TO ART:

http://hazeinart.tumblr.com/post/170791391805/art-piece-for-winterironshieldbang-do-you-love

http://hazeinart.tumblr.com/post/170975656077/the-revenge-chapter-3-riverlander974-marvel 

~o~o~o~

TITLE: Scientific Heresy AUTHOR: antigrav_vector ARTIST: Riverlander974 PAIRINGS: one-sided unrequited Margaret “Peggy” Carter/Steve Rogers, James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Tony Stark/Steve Rogers, Tony Stark/James “Bucky” Barnes, Tony Stark/James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers RATING: M (violence) WARNINGS: Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Time Travel, Mission Fic, ignores all MCU canon after IM2, inaccurate history SUMMARY: 

In the process of running the particle accelerator in his basement and save the day, Tony finds himself flung into the past where he has to take on a fight not his own if he wants to get home to stop Vanko. At least he had a chance to replace the old rector that had been killing him with the new one before everything went sideways… But now he has no choice but to face off with family, friends, and old heroes, and none of that sounds remotely appealing. Well, okay, getting to meet them all during their glory days kinda does. But as it turns out, they’re not exactly what he imagined, and his path home is a lot longer than he’d hoped it would be. And a lot more complicated. A/N: Art will be posting piece by piece as the chapters go up, because otherwise there would be some spoilers. It will be embedded in the fic, too, so don’t worry, you won’t miss any. But don’t forget to go reblog and heap some love on the (ridiculously many!) lovely things River drew! LINK TO STORY: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13664655 LINK TO ART: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13602213

~o~o~o~

TITLE: Trying AUTHOR: Somiko_Raven (crystallized-iron) ARTIST: Lasenby_Heathcote (lasenbyphoenix) PAIRINGS: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/James “Bucky” Barnes, James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark, James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark RATING: Teen WARNINGS: N/A

SUMMARY:

It had been years since Steve last saw Bucky, and when his old friend suddenly appears back in town, he’s ready to do what he can to help him, even if that means saying yes to a date.

There’s a problem, though.

Steve’s already in a relationship.

LINK TO STORY: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13668645 LINK TO ART: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13668963

~o~o~o~

TITLE: sing (like there’s nobody listening)

AUTHOR: Daecyan_Shikoba

ARTIST: massivespacewren 

PAIRINGS: Steve/Tony/Bucky, established Steve/Bucky

RATING: Teen

WARNINGS: N/A

SUMMARY: 

Steve sends Bucky a link to a song that changes more than either of them could ever expect. Tony, head of a brand new prosthetic research team, meanwhile, has a decision to make: reveal his identity as Iron Man and risk alienating Bucky and Steve, or remain a mystery to Bucky, Steve, and the internet at large. The feelings Tony has for both men doesn’t make the choice any easier. All Steve and Bucky want is to take Tony on a date, if he’ll have them.

LINK TO STORY: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13666332

LINK TO ART: http://massivespacewren.tumblr.com/post/170867864733/here-is-the-art-for-my-stuckony-big-bang-i-got-to

~o~o~o~

TITLE: Imagine You and You (and You) and Me

AUTHOR: RomancebyFaye

ARTISTS: novarain01 and empty-crayon-box

PAIRINGS: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

RATING: Teen (for now)

WARNINGS: N/A

SUMMARY: 

Steve and Bucky both have two soulmates. When Bucky falls, Steve goes into the ice not long after. He wakes up decades in the future and has a rough introduction to his other soulmate, Tony Stark.

Neither man seem too enthused about the revelation, and Steve is slightly surprised when Tony makes no demands of him or even uncovers his soulwords. Turns out, Stark doesn’t think too highly of soulbonds. Still, they manage to work together and Steve comes to realize he might have misjudged Tony.

He’s working up the nerve to try and make this more than a friendship when Bucky turns out to be alive. And not quite alone.

Or, Steve is jealous of cuddles and bed sharing, Tony has no expectations of his soulmates because his soulwords are extra crappy, Bucky is sharing his psyche with the Asset, and all of them are on a converging path to falling in love.

A/N: Possible Smut to be added later. This would change rating to Explicit.

LINK TO STORY: A03 link

LINK TO ART: 

empty-crayon-box piece one and two!

novarain01

~o~o~o~

TITLE: The Best of You

AUTHOR: Menatiera

ARTIST: araydre

PAIRINGS: James “Bucky” Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

RATING: Teen And Up Audiences

WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

SUMMARY:

Tony (genius, billionaire, superhero) and James (former WWII hero, former Winter Soldier, former Bucky Barnes) are figuring out their relationship. No, really, they’re doing great, after all the landmines are behind them. If they survived kidnappings, SHIELD at their backyard, revelations of past and all that jazz, what could possibly stand between them?

Enter Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America. And things, of course, go sideways immediately.

Tony is not entirely ready to face Daddy’s Dearest, his childhood crush. James is not at all ready to have his blond boy from the memories back. They don’t have a choice.

And on top of this, Steve, freshly defrosted and doing his best to adjust to the new century with both loves of his life gone, has his own problems. Including but not limited to an intelligence organization full of overexcited people, an alien army coming from the sky through some magic-bullshit-science portal and a genius chaperoning him around - whom he might be falling for.

A/N: This is a sequel of Still Alive, but rest assured, it can be read as a standalone. Chapters will be posted every day.

LINK TO STORY: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13703103/chapters/31475598

LINK TO ART: http://araydre.tumblr.com/post/170948599062/

~o~o~o~

TITLE: The Heist

AUTHOR: @jacarandabanyan

ARTIST: @acastleintheair

PAIRINGS: Bucky/Tony, Bucky/Steve, implied future Bucky/Steve/Tony

RATING: G

WARNINGS: Some swearing

SUMMARY: 

“So you know that one artist who’s a total recluse and never does interviews or anything? Rogers? Well, someone found some of his old artwork that he didn’t want people to see, and it’s going to be showcased in this fancy gala. So for… reasons I have to go and steal the art before the gala.”

“I’ll help.” Tony said immediately.

Bucky twisted around in his lap to get a good look at his face. “What? Really?”

Tony nodded furiously. “I’m with you all the way, what time is this heist going down, I’ll clear my calendar. Though I would like to know how you know Rogers when the man’s so reclusive no one even knows what he looks like.”

Bucky squinted at him. “That was seriously the worst explanation I’ve ever given you, but you’re going to agree just like that?”

“Yep.”

LINK TO STORY: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13714221

LINK TO ART: art

~o~o~o~

TITLE: Fight Club

AUTHOR: Reioka

ARTIST: puddingpong and latelierderiot

PAIRINGS: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

RATING: Explicit

WARNINGS: None

SUMMARY: 

Tony had always expected that his awful kink would never be brought up to his alphas. It had ended more relationships than it had helped. But when Steve and Bucky find out about it, they’re… supportive? Tony has no idea what he did to deserve these two alphas that are willing to indulge his kink but he’s glad. Of course, they have a few kinks of their own that they’re willing to divulge now too.

A/N: None

LINK TO STORY: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13779012

LINK TO ART:

http://latelierderiot.tumblr.com/post/171216496012/the-second-collab-for-the puddingpong–

http://puddingpong.tumblr.com/post/171216991982/winterironshield-bang-art-full-art-below-of-the

~o~o~o~

TITLE: Fallen Gods and Shooting Stars

AUTHOR: @lunaticalwriter

ARTIST: @chaosdraws

PAIRINGS: Steve/Bucky/Tony endgame

RATING: M (some smut)

WARNINGS: N/A

SUMMARY:

“Thousands of years ago, the First Gods tried to defeat Fate, and were banished from the Olympus.

Ten years ago, Howard Stark, head of the most powerful mob in America, was killed with his wife in a terrible accident, leaving their son Anthony to lead their family.

Three years ago, Obadiah Stane kidnapped Tony Stark and imprisoned him on an island in the middle of the ocean.

Somehow, this all leads to Steve and Bucky’s bedroom.

LINK TO STORY: http://archiveofourown.org/works/13799196/chapters/31724910

LINK TO ART: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13802646/chapters/31734486

[radramblog]

Things on my desk

I have a pretty good memory, which leads to a lot of sentimental value being attached to rand objects. On the upside, this means A Lot of things I have have stories behind them.

My desk is kinda a mess. It’s reflective of my general state of mind. But that means there’s a lot of bullshit to describe, maybe reminisce over a bit. Forgive me if I self-indulge for a bit, I guess.

(i don’t know why the photo is so yellowed, the lighting in here isn’t like that)

First we’ve got the coaster in the back there, from the Elephant Rock Cider Company near Denmark (the town on the south coast of WA, not the country). Got this the first time I went down there, with my dad in late 2016- he wanted to go on a road trip with me, with the excuse being itd be a great way to get driving hours for the L plates I was on at the time. The second time I went, actually being old enough to try the cider, it proved…mediocre.

Assorted MTG nonsense is scattered around this side of the desk. There’s a pile of tokens, pulled out from my bulk bullshit box (it’s embarrassingly large) when I trawled through it last so I could put them in my tokens box (sure haven’t done that yet). The deckbox actually contains my one sleeved Pokemon TCG deck, organised when I thought part of my friend group might have been getting into the game. The other pile of sleeved cards is mostly from my cube- a stack I pulled out to put into the Haakon deck I built- I ended up proxying the cards rather than constantly shifting them between places. There’s an inner sleeve resting on the monitor base- I tried double-sleeving something for that deck before realising I hated doing that- and a couple toploaders under the deckbox from last time I got cards in the mail.

Next to the tokens we have- surprise, more bullshit. There’s a stick of deodorant, always handy to keep around, considering the bathroom I use is on the other side of the house. Two watches are here- the nice Seiko one I got for my 18th birthday and the fitness tracker I got for Christmas with a wink and a nudge. The Seiko I tend to go through phases, where I’ll go from wearing it all the time to never at all. There’s also the permanent marker, which I use to cross off the days on my calendar whenever I finish writing the blog for the day. Then forget to cross anything off for a week or so, like I have right now. Oops. There’s also two dice, an Ixalan Prerelease spindown d20 and a generic black d6. For the life of my I don’t know how or why these are here and not, yknow, in my dice box (aka the box the Seiko came in, repurposed)

Somewhat hard to see near that stuff is three objects. A cotton bud/q-tip, from when last week I was having big problems with earwax buildup and it was affecting my hearing. Not the first time it’s happened, but I’d like it to be the last. Behind that is a packet of silica gel- I don’t know what this came from, but I keep it around in case I spill water on magic cards again- the fact that it has happened to me twice now is uniquely frustrating, and I want to be prepared. Just in case. The little plaid pattern is actually the mini-lanyard-thing (I dunno the actual name) attached to a USB drive, which has a couple movies on it (What we do in the Shadows and Die Hard, I think)- since I’m the one among my friend group the most knowledgeable about piracy it tends to be me getting films and series to people. It’s no major task.

The last couple things in this section include a couple pieces of Pokemon memorabilia. The Bellsprout plushie actually came from a mystery box from a [local pin artist] I had recommended to me- the pins from that decorate my backpack and solidify my aesthetic, while Udon here has a hard time sitting down properly so I don’t know where to put him. The reverse holo Mareep is just something I randomly picked up at a card shop and don’t have anywhere else to put.

There’s also the sticky notes- my to-do list. I have a bad time remembering to do things, so I tend to just write them down somewhere. I vary between using notes like this or my phone, but the notes tend to work better. The pen I don’t have an answer for- this desk wasn’t originally mine, and there’s so much stationary crammed into the drawer that I couldn’t possibly know where it all came from- I can barely even open the thing.

I guess the monitor is worth noting. This is the monitor from the PC my family got in like, 2009 or something? 2011? It was kind of a piece of shit then, but that was the one I gamed on for a very long time, so I put up with it. It’s now my secondary monitor, but it spent a long time as the primary.

(also my phone was there but I took the picture with it so)

The other half then. The playmat acting as a mousepad I won in a bid on a facebook MTG auction group- I bid 3 bucks on the thing because why not, utterly shocked that I won it. I don’t know when PORTCONMAINE was, and I kinda don’t want to find out.

There’s also my airpods and the wireless charger for them but I don’t need to flex that come on now.

The keyboard and mouse I have are both from my brother. He both works at a computer shop and is incredibly into working on his own PC, so parts tend to make their way into his room rather frequently, and spares he tends to give away. The mouse is interesting- highly customizable, but I’ve yet to find a configuration that isn’t a little bit awkward. Also, it stops working half the time, so I probably need a new one. Or just to go back to the office mouse I was using, I can’t program this thing anyway.

Between this nonsense is a PMD Red Rescue Team cartridge I actually picked up today. Growing up in Malaysia the cart I had of the game was very much a bootleg and has stopped working- so I’m glad to have a real one after all this time. Remake, what remake?

The PC itself was also a gift from him for Christmas, a secondhand from his mates but well appreciated considering my computer at the time was a laptop with a broken screen. The stickers on it are my own additions- the top 3 from one [Caramel Coda] who you should definitely check out, he’s a really cool dude who does really cool art. The card kingdom one just came out of an order from that site, and the final one is a VA-11 Hall-A one (it’s the logo for the bartending computer in that game) and that one came with a shirt I bought from the game.

Also, the other half of that fitness tracker is on top of the computer. It comes off so you can charge it.

Anyway, uh, that’s everything? This was a lot more words than I expected, but hey, that’s how it be sometimes. Surely I’ve described everything I keep onhand nearby, right-

aww fuck.

[getitoverwith-ff]

ACT 1: part time lover x 1

yo yo yo. this is split into acts, so to speak. this is the beginning of the story, and the first arc of several. enjoy.

1 | part time lover | demetri

“So, who’s this trying to Facetime you and interrupting our last day together?” Lita’s holding my phone in her hand while I’m stirring spaghetti sauce, and it’s honestly nothing I’m too worried about.

I don’t mind her going through my phone. I’m more worried about possibly burning this sauce, since we both opted out of anything more than two Oreo McFlurries and a large fry to share earlier, before we got back from ripping and running in the streets of Downtown LA.

I look over my shoulder again and watch her put the passcode in, and shrug my shoulder. She’s not going to find shit that I haven’t gotten her hip to, or that doesn’t concern her if she goes looking around. I could have swore that I put my phone on do not disturb, though.

I heard it go off and just assumed it was hers, but now that I know that it wasn’t, I’m still not in a rush to see who it was. I wasn’t really in the mood to entertain anyone else, especially not someone with the generic, default tone anyway.

But, she’s quiet as hell, so now, I am curious though.

“Who is it? Let me see.” I ask, but she doesn’t approach me.

I suck my teeth softly before moving away from the stove and trying to see what she’s into. From the way she said it, it wasn’t out of annoyance, but yet surprise. Is it bad that I don’t really care too much about it, though?

This time is about her. Not about whoever the fuck managed to get through do not disturb. If I set it, that is. If I didn’t, I will when I get my phone back from her. We’re spending our last few hours of the small break before finals together being domestic, and an interruption from anyone is something I’m not really feeling right now. I know she doesn’t give a fuck about who’s trying to get in the middle of us, but since she asked, I figured it’s gotta be somewhat important.

Maybe.

I take only a few seconds to look up at the open iMessage with the image of a frowning girl looking back at me, and smack my lips together. She tried to Facetime me and I missed it, and she won’t really keep calling, but she wants me to know how she feels about me not picking her up. I look at Lita’s face, and her eyebrows raised with knowing, but she wants to hear me say the other girl’s name.

“Monica.” Who, admittedly, is saved in my phone as the facepalm and side-eye emoji.

“What, she can’t sleep in your bed without you or some bullshit like that now, huh?” She asks real teasingly with her eyebrow still up as I watch her start to cut tomatoes for a salad.

My face goes blank and I slide the phone to do not disturb and sit it back on the table. I turn around to continue cooking, and slide herbs into the sauce and then turn it down to simmer, and lean against the counter once I’m done.

“So you’re gonna ignore me, Meech?”

“‘Cause, you always tryna annoy me when it comes to her. She doesn’t sleep in my fucking bed, Li. You have to remember, this is the same person that plotted on, and trapped me for a hot second, Li.” I add, and she rolls her eyes at me.

“That girl ain’t trap you.” She insists like she just fucking knows everything, and I tilt my head sideways at her certainty.

“She did,” I move around the counter island to get closer to her, and steal a tomato from the board. She licks her bottom lip and furrows her brow again as she thinks about it.

“How?”

I don’t know how to answer that without being at fault too, but I do anyway.

“Because,” I start, realizing that she hasn’t brought Monica up in a while.

The school year kept both of us busy, and as much as I wanted to tell her about everything, Facetime had to suffice when I couldn’t meet up with her in her sister’s rental property in Vegas, or make it out to her Grandparents Family Ranch in New Mexico.

When we were talking, I wasn’t thinking about Monica then, and neither was she. I’d bring her up on occasion, but she’s never been the topic of discussion for too long. Me and Lita have so many other things to discuss that are way more important than a part time, wannabe lover.

I’m more interested in continuing my campaign in getting her to move out here with me for good after she finishes her Associate’s Degree program at the Community College she’s enrolled in right now. I was still trying to convince her to come back to USC with me and everyone else, like we planned years ago, back in High School.

I talk to her damn near every day, and attempt to convince her to make things work out, every day. The longest we’ve ever gone without speaking was two days, once, when her phone was off and I couldn’t wire her any money. Fall semester finals for sophomore year are right around the corner, and it’ll be May in the blink of an eye. I needed things to be squared away so I would be able to move out of the loft when the semester ended, somewhere just for the two of us.

We needed to be on the same page before then, and this weekend was yet another preview of what life could be like if she just got it over with, stopped playing games, and finally made it back to me. I was hoping I could convince her, and if I could, it meant that it would be the end of this all of ripping and running… and the end of Monica’s interference, too.

Having her in Los Angeles for this three day weekend was good, but it wasn’t enough, and that’s probably why I forgot what the fuck she asked me. I’m genuinely too busy worried about trying to get her back here with me than to discuss someone I’m not even fucking with like that.

“You blacking out? Because what? And don’t tell me it’s because ya’ll all live in the same space, either… is it really that easy?” A tomato hits me in the face, and I grimace.

It took a long time between Lita linking up with me out here, and having someone fill the space that came with her absence. Usually, we’d make the drive to Vegas, where her older sister owned a couple of real nice homes that she turned into AirBNBs, or I’d say fuck it and drive all the way to New Mexico for her.

It’s been a minute since I’ve been able to just have Lita to myself though, and I kind of want to, and honestly can, blame Monica for that. At least as a factor in it, anyway.

My living situation was chaotic. With three girls and three guys in one loft space, it was too damned much from the beginning to try and make Lita feel comfortable in, even if four out of six of us weren’t strangers. I knew we would need privacy when we were around each other, and I wasn’t going to get it there. It was just going to be fucking awkward, simply because of the quickly fleshed out history between me and Monica.

Ever since I found out the girl that I picked up at a club and slept with, thinking it was a one night stand kind of situation, was meant to be my future roommate, that’s all it’s really been.

Awkward.

It’s been an awkward adjustment that I hadn’t left Lita out of the loop about, but she hadn’t been face to face with Monica for damned near four months until she came through last month, and that was only briefly. She came and surprised me on a fucking Tuesday, shortly after meeting up with her Dad for lunch for his birthday. I’d already given him his gift earlier in the week - an all expenses paid voucher to a damned good spa, so he could the best massage money could buy.

Monica was with me at the loft, with us just coming back from grocery shopping, when Lita popped up. Everyone else was doing their own thing, so that made it that much more hectic then, with nobody to push Mo off on. It was awkward tension right off the bat, and always is in the few rare times when I’m in the middle of both of them in real time.

I don’t make an effort to bring up them up to each other, and shit, this time, I didn’t even know Lita was going to make the drive to come and visit her dad. Usually, he makes the trip out to New Mexico for the whole week. I was really partially convinced in Mo’s efforts to fool around that day too, so yeah, it was awkward, having the two of them standing in the middle of the kitchen, both eyeballing me, but, naturally, Lita got all of my attention.

She got fucked in my room real quickly too, and, I know Mo heard it. I’d just rather get it off with the one I knew I’d be thinking about when I was fucking her, as opposed to fucking her and thinking about someone else, you know? We just knew better than to bring it up after the fact, though. I didn’t need to tell Lita how pissed off Mo was with me after that, for damned near two weeks.

There’s always other shit we can talk about. It’s not like they really care about each other for real either...

Lita’s mentions of Monica are more teasing than it is questionable, most likely validating something The Twins or Kenny’s shit starting ass has said. She doesn’t follow the girl on social media, but I know Mo’s all over Lita’s shit to the point to where Lita has toyed back and forth with blocking and unblocking her at random. Mo’s just jealous though, and it really makes me only bring Lita up when we’re arguing, just trying to get her to leave me the fuck alone.

It always works, too.

Lita’s still looking at me, and snaps her fingers in front of me, and I roll my eyes at her. She’s done with the salad, and I curl my lip up at her impatient face. She doesn’t really care about the latest development in the “well, isn’t this awkward?” saga between me and Mo…

I don’t think, anyway.

“Damn Meech, you’re just gonna forget about our conversation like that?” Lita asks, pushing me in the chest a little. I exhale and grab her hands, stopping her from hitting my side.

“I didn’t think you cared about whatever bullshit Mo was up to for real, Li,” I kiss her softly, and she bites down on my bottom lip, and shakes her head at me as she pulls back.

“I asked, didn’t I?” She wedges her tongue in her cheek, giving me full attitude.

I shake my head and sit down on one of the stools pulled up to the island. She’s really waiting for me to explain the situation to her too, and I can’t help but smile at the combination of curiosity and overprotection she’s displaying right now.

“It’s been rough, for real. You know it’s been rough since the beginning, while you actin’ like you don’t, too, girl. She still ain’t got over the fact that she’s really just there to kill time until I get you back. ‘Cause, shit, after we got over the whole awkwardness of the one night stand and the fact that she sleeps on the opposite side of the wall from me, she was still trying to get with me then, and she really hasn’t stopped her attempts.” I admitted, loving to drag out the story of how Mo and I came to end up in this fucked up arrangement of sorts anyway, and Lita loves to hear how she’s never going to be fucking replaced, by anyone.

That’s why she’s smirking and not saying anything, because really, I’m in love with an asshole.

“But, you know I was still trying to work shit out with you… if you didn’t curve me with that whole, not yet, just wait, shit. She capitalized on your absence after you left us after midterms last semester, and now she thinks we’re together. We’re not.” I shook my head, and Lita sucked her teeth softly.

“She capitalized on my absence? Who the fuck are you tryna sound like? But...tccch, This bitch…” Her eyes roll dismissively, and she waves off someone who’s not even there.

“Yeah, I mean… I’m not going to lie. We had sex a couple of times and I tried, and still am trying, not to make it anything more than a friends with benefits until you bring your ass back to me kind of thing. I’m not making excuses for it either… Facetiming and driving back and forth to meet up with you is cool, but, it’s not enough. We both know that. I’m trying to get her to understand that too, ‘cause, shit, we’re supposed to talk when I get back, but not on a serious note. She’s probably drunk now, Facetiming me to either be nasty for me or curse me out since I’m here and not in Sacramento with her.”

I shrug, and watch Lita continue to prepare our dinner, and laugh. Her curiosity is sated, and, I feel kind of conflicted about it. I need to do something with my hands, in the meantime…

I start tearing pieces of bacon to go into the salad that we’re meant to share, and relax in the comfort between the two of us. I don’t feel nervous about this discussion, do I?

“She’s coming to your parents house for thanksgiving this year?” I look up and realize she’s scrolling up, in our thread now. I shrug gently. I offered, but all she hit me back with was a fucking emoji.  

“Yeah, I guess.”

I only invited her because she said her parents wouldn’t be in Sacramento this year, but I’m not looking forward to it. I’m really waiting to see if she’ll find some way to talk herself out of it. She has in the past when I’ve invited her back to my parents’ home for long weekends or holidays, especially if Lita’s coming.

“I invited her to eat, since she said she had nowhere to go. Her parents are supposed to be going to visit family in Connecticut and I don’t think she wants to travel if she’ll end up there again after finals.” Until I said it, I never really tripped off of how much attention to detail I paid to the things Monica said to me.

Lita’s eyebrow goes up in surprise as she sits the phone down, and I get up to grab plates for us.

“You love her?” Lita asks, and my face slowly turns into a grimace. There’s not much to think about there, and my response is quick. I quickly try to recall if i’ve said that in the texts, but I know that I haven’t, and it makes me roll my eyes.

“No. It’s not that deep for me. She tries hard to try to make herself into someone that I should and could fall in love with, but… I stop myself short from taking it there. It’s just familiar.” I admit, and she knows this.

“She ain’t you, though. Don’t even fuckin’ joke…” I think she just likes to either hear me remind myself of it, or… She’s fucking with me.

“I’m just checking,” She teases me, and I swat her on the ass as she throws it back to me.  She turns quickly, and I pin her against the island.

“I’m not trying to take advantage of your emotional vulnerability, or nothing like that.” Lita teases again, like I haven’t taken advantage of every chance I could get her alone to get inside of her since she came through to doors of the apartment.

“What makes you think I wouldn’t let you? That’s all we’ve been doing as long as we’re alone anyway...” I insist, and she smacks my arm. My eyebrow raises to challenge her at the same time stomach growls as she pulls me closer to her, wrapping her arms around my back.

“See, I would tempt you, but I know how you get. And I’m hungry. That McFlurry was early dessert. So, shut up and make our plates, Meech. I want you to eat dinner before you try and eat me instead.” She nips my bottom lip softly and I palm her ass, but my stomach is definitely blocking.

I can’t stop myself from kissing her though, even after her stomach growls too. She laughs into my mouth as she pulls back, still laughing, and pushes me away from her. I make her plate and my own, and we sit on the couch, making the most of it.

Outside of my inner circle, no one really understands how important this is to me. I’m really trying to stretch out every little bit of this three day weekend, but I know tomorrow when we wake up, she’ll be going back to Albuquerque, and I’ll just be here, waiting on her to call me at her halfway there, Gas Station stop.

Or, shit…

I might just say fuck it, and drive out with her, and drive back to make it back on campus right before my 10 o’ clock class...

“Stop looking at me like that,” Lita says, snapping me out of being lost in my head.

“I’m just trying to figure out the plan tomorrow. I fucked up big time tonight,” I watch her face twist as I shake my head and fix my wording, not wanting to confuse her.

“Naw, I’m saying, like… I’m too comfortable right now. I know we won’t have long until midterms is over, but we’re about to be busy as fuck before Thanksgiving Break. And for real, I can’t wait for Thanksgiving, you know? Just… it’s going to be a motherfucker.” I say, paying no attention to the shit on TV, or anything else but her, and the spaghetti and meatballs nearby, as she eats off of my plate and I laugh.

“C’mon, chill, you gettin’ out of pocket with this plate sharing shit,” I gently push her fork back onto her plate as she laughs and turns away from me.

My phone goes off again, and I roll my eyes, but only momentarily. We’ve been talking and laughing and kissing so much throughout us making dinner that I totally put the most important thing on the backburner: our daughter.

I think Lita did too, ‘cause I can see the immediate reaction that reads, “oh shit.”

She got tucked in more than an hour ago with her tablet and YouTube Kids set on a timer, to be inactive after thirty minutes. Spending the day with “Uncle Q and Tee-Tee Queenie” should have worn her ass out, especially after she twisted our arm to opt out of dinner just to hit up McDonalds and play at the outdoor PlayPlace until it closed. She should be knocked out, but, this is definitely our kid.

She’s inquisitive and curious, and weary and anxious, a good combination of the two of us. Even though my phone is on do not disturb, she’s on my Emergency Bypass list, but she knows better.

I guess it’s better than her just walking in here, though...

I don’t hesitate to answer the call.  Lita’s face is smashed against mine as I answer the call for ‘MeMe’ with my eyebrow up. It’s past her bedtime, but I know something’s gotta be up for her to Facetime me. Yesterday, it was “Daddy, Uncle Luke said there are monsters out in the streets and I gotta be safe but I gotta make sure there’s no monsters under my bed,” and the night before, “Daddy, I wanna go see Nana and Papa and Papi right now, is it tomorrow yet?”

“Daaaaaaddy,” The tiny voice starts off, and I smile.

“Demetriaaaaaaa. Whatchu want, babygirl?”

“Tell Mama I can’t sleep,” Our four, almost five year old demands, and two seconds later, Lita’s up on her feet, and dragging her hands through her hair as she walks down the hallway and tends to our insomniac toddler.

“Daddy can’t put you back to sleep?” I ask, and she shakes her head no.

“Daddy can’t sing, I want Mama to sing to me, Daddy..” She explains like it’s common sense, and I laugh and shake my head as she hangs up once Lita opens the door to the bedroom.

Knowing she’s in there handling the situation makes me smile, but it also makes my stomach dip. I already feel shitty, holding up in this two bedroom apartment that Luke rarely uses, playing house with Lita and our kid. It’s temporary, and it’s the last thing I want out of my life right now - temporary permanence bothers the fuck out of me.

I didn’t expect her to bring Demetria, only because her niece’s birthday is this weekend too, and I expected Demetria to be a part of that fun instead of being up here with us, which I would have been okay with. But, when Lita told me that Juju had other plans for Monae’s birthday this year, and it wouldn’t be that bad since everyone would be doing their own thing, she didn’t have to say anything else.

I was more excited to see my daughter than I was to see her Mom, for a while. Both my phone, Lita’s phone and Demetria’s instagram page was filled with images and videos of me and her enjoying our time together, and I knew we both had to make the most of it. It’s really hard to be a parent when your child is miles away from you.

It’s like a custody agreement of sorts between me and Lita, that I really wish didn’t have to be. She gets her the majority of the year, which makes sense, considering the circumstances of how she ended up in New Mexico. I can go and see her whenever I want to, which I limit mostly to long weekends, which I’ve crafted my entire undergrad schedule around. But outside of that, I get her by myself for short breaks, like a spring break or a holiday break. We try to switch back and forth for Summer and Winter Break, even though we always end up with the three of us all together.

I had her last summer and she broke my damned heart when it was time for her to go back to Albuquerque. I got so many “first day of school” pictures though, so many “daddy, I wanna come and go to school with you,” facetimes… I know I’m not the only one who’s ready for this separation period to be over, but at least she understands to the best of her ability that it’s necessary for now.

When it comes to Demetria, I’m extremely private about her. She’s the one thing I’m the most proud of, but rarely broadcast on my social media accounts. Shit, to be honest, my roommates who haven’t been my friends since childhood don’t even know about Demetria.

They don’t need to either. My child is a sore subject, or at least, the story of her creation and separation is. Actually, it’s more of one of those, “It’s a long story,” kind of situations, that can’t really be told by me, anyway. Still though, just being here with the two of them for the little bits and pieces that I can get really makes my desire to get Lita back up here that much more important. But, with Demetria being better taken care of by her while she’s in school and in New Mexico with her paternal grandparents, who can help her take way more care of her than the two of us alone up here ever could, it’s just something I have to deal with.

I could have transferred to the University of New Mexico. I could have said fuck school and just took the offered job on the farm that was offered to me when I was still in High School, really. But, Lita talked me out of it. She made me promise to follow my dreams of following in my Daddy’s footsteps and eventually playing for the 49ers, which we all know now, has long gone off course, but I’m still going to make my parents, and everyone else proud of me.

I just want to do right by the both of them, and Lita knows this. That’s why I have to keep convincing her that I need her here, shit, I need both of them here, really, but I know we’re not ready just yet. We’re thankfully in a position to have a strong ass support team on both ends -- my parents are just as supportive as her grandparents and Dad is.

This woman, who, I can hear singing our daughter back to sleep as I sit and steal a meatball from her plate because she has more than I do, means so much more to me than words really can express. Lita is my best friend, my first love. I’ve loved her since I was seven years old. She is my partner, my co-parent, my everything and more, The One I Gave My Heart To and never expected anything in return from…

That’s why Monica is a non-factor, really.

I suck my teeth when I glimpse down at my phone and yeah, she’s drunk. Fourteen texts are waiting, and two of them are from Demetria, who can really only spell a couple of simple phrases and resorts to emojis and bad selfies. She sent “sleep” and “daddy”, with several emojis to follow.

The rest are from Monica, sending me invisible ink nudes, and audio messages I won’t listen to. Her presence only complicates the situation more between not only me and Lita, but everyone else around us. She’s not what I want. We are not together.

I’m not interested in anything long term unless it’s me getting back with Lita. We have history, longevity, a connection -- but we’re not together either. We’re co-parenting and we always attempt to make the long distance situation work, but I can’t call her my woman right now. As much as I want to, and should be able to, it’s just not that easy. She’s not anything I can call mine, but what’s understood doesn’t have to be explained, and I personally feel like now that it’s getting closer and closer to her making a decision about coming to USC for her junior and senior years, and… me and Mo aren’t on…

I mean, yeah.

Eventually, I’ll get her back, full time. Not some part-time type shit, as everything else seems to be that revolves around her. When she comes back, I know she’s having those same thoughts I am about making this more than temporary, and I get it, I really do.

Instead of saying anything though, I go back to eating my food and acting as if she’s not heavy on my mind right now. She plops down on the couch and looks at me, and I think the guilt is all over my face. She stares at my plate, and then hers, and then frowns at me.

“Something is off,” Her eyes narrow, and I look at her. I shrug, and keep eating.

“You took my fucking meatball?”

[forkocharles-blog]

What happened to that curly haired little boy I used to know?

What happened you ask? You really want to know what happened? After at least sixteen years, but you seem to think about me like how I was when I was eight, so split the difference and call it nineteen years, so after nineteen years you're finally concerned about me? About how I am now? Fine. Let's talk about the little curly haired boy you used to know.

That little curly haired boy moved to a different country when he was ten. He had never been on a plane before, but he loved it. Except that he got a little bit sick on the landings. His dad taught him how to fish while he was in that foreign country. It became one of his favorite things to do because he could spend time with his dad. That little boy got his first computer. He picked up a joy of reading. Of riding bikes. He took karate lessons. He got the chicken pox. He learned to play the trumpet.

That little boy moved again. He spent time with his grandma for a while before he moved, but that had to end and ended too soon. He was across country on an island in the middle of the ocean. He learned how to skateboard. He went through a hurricane. He learned about skater culture and nature. He became first chair trumpet and learned what it was like to hate a teacher.

He moved back to the desert he was living in before you met him. Or at least before he met you. It was the first time he realized what leaving a friend was but held out hope that they would meet again because it's a small world right? He made friends. Deep friends. Friends forever friends. He suffered disappointment at not making the basketball team. He had his first feelings for a girl. Deep feelings. But he couldn't separate those from lust and he couldn't talk to girls, so he passed them notes and got laughed at. He learned he sucked at the trumpet but was great at the tuba. He learned that band kids were considered geeks. He was made fun of. He learned he wasn't cool. He learned that he was an outsider. But he found music and hobbies that resonated with him. To his core. He learned computers through those hobbies. He became a Christian. Albeit a fearful one.

He moved again and finally, for the first time, felt the weight of loss of friends. He couldn't just make new ones to replace them. But he could make new friends. He made new friends through video games. Through a love of the same TV shows. And because the girl in the seat near him was painfully extroverted. He made many friends but was still an outsider. He learned what it was to not be black enough. To talk white. To lose respect among your peers for succeeding and to have a teacher truly have it out for you. But he also knew what it was to gain respect from those that mattered for being you. He had his first relationship. He didn't handle it well. He had his first break up. He didn't handle that well either. He learned that friends will betray your trust, but that those that betray your trust aren't your friends. But he didn't have his music to fall back on because the school didn't have a band program.

He graduated high school. He invited you. You didn't come. That's fine. You were busy. A gift, a card, or a phone call would have been nice though. He also got into college. Picked the easiest one he could get into but still. 3.7 out of 4.0 GPA and 1380 out of 1600 on the SAT. It was a proud moment.

In college he got his first job. It was seasonal and he was not hired on full time. That was fine though. He joined a club. He met friends through that club. It was a nerdy club but he felt at home. He found out that he loved nerdy things. He fell in with a not great crowd through his club. He started drinking under age. He also got food poisoning.

He got another job though. He was able to save up money for his brother's high school graduation gift. He bought his brother a graduation gift. So did you. And cards. It was upsetting but I got it. Graduation was a foregone conclusion for me and not so much him. And you were always really close with him. I gave him my gift. I love my brother.

I fell in love. It caused a lot of drama though. A guy wanted to fight me because I “stole his girlfriend”, but that isn't at all what happened. In fact we didn't start dating for a year after they broke up. He was a shit head though so fuck him. I was president of my club for two and a half years. I dated this girl for 5 months. Maybe six. Lost my virginity at age 21. Whatever. Broke up with her when she went off to another college. Hurt her, hurt me. I was an ass hole.

Coasted into a pseudo-relationship. I was really drunk and really high. She made out with me. Didn't last a week. We maybe had sex. I don't know. I was drunk and high. Those years are kind of a blur to me because I was basically in class, playing Magic: The Gathering, drunk and/or high. I worked the same shitty job through the rest of undergrad.

At the end of undergrad, found a girl I liked. Went on a date with her. Got drunk. Fucked it up. Sought out a shrink. Found another girl. Took up D&D. She broke up with me. I got drunk and threatened suicide. I sought out a shrink again. She told me call the suicide hotline if I ever wanted to talk. Didn't have to want to commit suicide. Never wanted to in the first place to be honest. Ex dates my “best” friend after a week. I knew he liked her. Asked him to wait a month before dating her. He didn't. He also actively broke us up. He is a dick. I called the suicide hotline. I got picked up by the police and brought to a mental hospital. I do not blame the suicide hotline. They are helpful. I blame my shrink for telling me, a heavy drinker, to stop drinking in a time of emotional turmoil and to call the suicide hotline to talk even though I had threatened suicide before. A large part of that is on me though. I was an asshole and too proud to get help. Please get help if you need it. It probably did save my life.

Anyway. Almost failed a semester. Doctor's notes saved me. Got on anti-depressants. Be warned, they will help you A LOT, but there was a period of a couple months where I had no motivation at all. That's why I almost failed. Failed one class. Retook it. Got an A.

Got into grad school. 3.0 GPA, 1380 GRE. Kept same shitty job from undergrad, but looked for others. Found real group of friends. Love them to death. Got into board games and table top RPGs even more. Had shitty roommates in an apartment that stole my shit or got it stolen. Stopped trusting people. Never got a card or call or anything for graduating college. Neither did my sister for graduating. Explained a lot. Though to be fair I didn't get her anything for graduation either. I didn't know her well enough and I was broke.

I got fired from my shitty job, hired on to another, and fired after three months. I missed a lot of days because of dentistry and I play a lot of computer games because the job was bullshit. I drank a lot during that time, but I got a better handle on it. I stopped drinking hard liquour and started drinking beer. Almost exclusively.

I moved to Utah. I started blogging about beer. I started drinking too much again because Utah kind of sucks. I loved my coworkers though. And I had friends. Not close friends but they were there. I started going to the anime club at the local college and started playing board games and table top RPGs with them. I cut back on my drinking because life was a bit easier.

Until I got furloughed. I worked for the government and lost 20% of my pay for 11 weeks. I maxed out all of my credit cards just to live. So I started looking for, and found, a better job.

I moved back to Florida. Kept blogging about beer. But I was making enough money that I had alternative choices to drinking myself into oblivion to entertain myself. Also I was closer to my family. Until they moved across the country. It was my fault because my mom was trying to transfer to be closer to me in Utah, but she kept the transfer so she could help my grandma.

That hit me kind of hard, but I liked where I lived so I just grabbed my stuff out of their garage and took it with me. I moved later, but that doesn't matter much.

I made a friend who had a baby and grew to love their baby. I dated women and it didn't work out. But the one thing that got to me is that I joined a beer club and missed a meeting I really wanted to go to. Because of anxiety. Because you probably don't know but I have a phobia of vomiting and it got bad to the point that I would leave home with a stomachache. It upped my drinking which made the phobia worse. I told my doctor and found a shrink and now the medicine and the therapy is helping a lot. I drink more than I should but I am trying.

But you know what? You didn't see that. You saw someone failing to live up to your expectations. I will, and did, admit that I drank to much at your Christmas Eve party. I was belligerent. I was an asshole. But I was also in an uncomfortable situation that was hitting my anxiety on all levels and I told you about that and you didn't care. You weren't there for me. I also woke up perfectly fine on Christmas, but you didn't tell me when dinner was. I was an hour and a half late to Christmas dinner.

Then after we got back to your place, you confronted me about drinking too much at your Christmas Eve party. Saying you didn't know me. That you couldn't stand me.

Well guess what. It's true. You don't know me. If you did, you probably wouldn't be able stand me. But don't you dare for a fucking second try to put that on me. You had every fucking chance in the world to try to get to know me. To be there for me. And you absolutely weren't. So until you are ready to get to know me. The real me. And to accept me. Good bye.

PS: You can claim that you have gay friends all you want but while your husband is a homophobic church pastor and your friends are similarly homophobic, I will never believe you.