#and my father sorta talked me through the process of what’s going on with my body

[mars-ipan]

i feel the least miserable i’ve felt in a while today :)

[theglamorousferal]

Things I want in one fic:

Redeemed Vlad, Good Fenton Parents, Fentons/Vlad polycule

Liminal Amity Park

Redeemed Dark Danny, weird cousin?

Ellie as part of the family, sorta step sibling?

Defect quartet

The Class as a team deferring to Team Phantom

Jazz is Big Sister

Amity Park knows the secret

The Class moving to Gotham for college

Vlad giving them enough money to purchase Drake Manor

Tim has closed off the tunnel between the Manor and the Batcave

Tim was the one to hand the keys over to Danny, whose name was on the deed, courtesy of his new step-dad

They end up keeping in touch and Tim is a frequent visitor at the manor and befriends the majority of the Class

They all still keep up with their training, Sam and Valerie put together an obstacle course with the help of the jocks and every Saturday is a free-for-all battle royale with ecto guns set to their lowest setting across all of the grounds.

The last one standing gets to pick what restaurant dinner is from that night and the movie for movie night.

Tim does find all of this rather unusual, but mostly he finds that they remind him of all his hero friends.

This, more than anything else they do, makes him very concerned.

Why do these random midwesterners train like heroes? Why do they have a camaraderie he’s only seen forged on the same battlefield? He’s noticed they mostly defer to a group of five individuals. The pair of siblings who now own the Manor and the partners of one of said siblings. More than that, they all defer to Danny, the one he gave the keys to.

Luckily for him, Two Face happened to attack the bank that Danny was at and Danny did something he’d only ever seen Bruce manage to do and talked the villain down from the attack.

When asked, Dent just said that he saw a kinship in the kid, said he’d understood duality in a way that resonated with him.

Later that night Red Robin reopened the tunnels and paid one Daniel Fenton a visit. Tim found him in his father’s old study, using a brand new telescope through the window. He knocked and waited before entering.

“Ah, I expected one of you to show up. It’s why I decided to stay up tonight actually. We have a lot to talk about if you’ll take a seat? I’ll get us some energy drinks. You’ll be able to confirm they’re sealed and not poisoned that way. What’s your favorite flavor? Between the fifteen of us we’ve got to have the right flavor.”

Red Robin stood there for a moment, processing before following the man to his pantry. Once there he opened a new package of his favorite energy drink and opened it himself; not once did Danny make a fuss about him opening a whole new package. He grabbed a second one to bring with him back to the office. Danny grabbed a couple himself.

Once back in the office, they sat in two chairs across from each other. Danny leaned on his elbows with his fingers steepled. “What I am about to tell you is an incredible risk to everyone in this house, and likely yourself included. I need you to promise me to listen to everything I tell you before you start asking questions. I will answer them to the best of my ability after I have gone over the basics. What I am about to tell you is going to sound unbelievable, but I’m banking on the fact that you have likely frequently experienced impossible things and therefore may take me seriously.” Danny stared at the mask. “Now, what do you know about ghosts?”

Tim’s hair trigger was of disbelief, but then he paused and considered. Clark’s an alien, Diana’s a god, Conner’s a clone, at least half the family has come back to life. Why couldn’t ghosts exist? “Not much besides fairy tales.” He braced himself for what was to come.

Danny narrowed his eyes appraisingly. “Hmm. Well. They are, in fact, real. I’ll show evidence in a little bit. A Ghost as we know them is generally formed when a person’s emotions during death produce enough ectoplasm to give their sentience form. They then become residents of a place known by two names; the Ghost Zone, or the Infinite Realms. The Ghost Zone is what it’s known as on Earth, and the residents of the place itself call it the Infinite Realms.” Danny pauses here for a moment and then claps his hands. “Now, all ghosts are members of the Infinite Realms, but not all beings of the Infinite Realms are ghosts. The Realms is a dimension mirroring our own that is entirely made of ectoplasm. It’s where the residue from the emotions of all beings in our universe go and then are given form. There are beings there that are basically gods and are aspects given form. I can go on and on about the Realms later. What’s important is that throughout history there have been unstable naturally occurring portals between the two dimensions, but around five years ago, a pair of scientists managed to open a stable portal to this dimension. A few months later, a former college friend of theirs made a second stable portal, but I’ll get to him in a minute. Once this portal was established, it made it so that ghosts could now freely come into our world. A young hero took up protecting the city, but his first few attempts had quite a bit of misunderstanding to them and so he was villainized for a while. This resulted in the government establishing an agency to combat these threats. All well and good, right?” He raised an eyebrow at Tim. “You would think so. However, the laws passed to make this agency had some clauses that are questionable. I’ll just hand you a copy of the documentation so that you can read it.”

He handed Tim a folder labeled “Anti-Ecto Acts”. He began to peruse them and came upon the clause that declared any being that can process or contains ectoplasm is considered non-sentient or sapient and called for the capture, eradication, or experimentation of all such “ecto-beings”. “This, can’t be right. This is a blatant contradiction to the Meta Protection Acts.”

Danny smirked a sad smile. “You’d think, right?” He gave him a moment to process that. “You can read up more on that later. I have other things to say.” Tim set aside the folder and took a deep chug of his energy drink.

“Alright, hit me.” he said as he leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees, giving Danny his full attention.

“Kay, so, you notice the ‘any being that can process ectoplasm’ bit? Yeah, well that can apply to some humans too. Humans that are considered death-touched or Liminal. People who have been surrounded by death, have died even if momentarily on the operating table, but especially people who have been exposed to high levels of ectoplasm. Here’s the thing about living in a town with a stable portal to effectively the afterlife: it kinda does some stuff to you.” He flashed his eyes a Lazerus green as he set his right palm on the desk. He’s quiet for a moment before he leaned back with a sigh, then closed his eyes so they returned to their normal blue. 

“Every individual in my hometown is ecto-contaminated.” He said quietly, like, Tim supposes, he was telling a secret. Tim guesses he was. “Every person there is death-touched. Every person there is Liminal. Every person pings as an ecto-entity to the GIW. We’re all at risk. I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the heroes would ping too. I need your help.” Danny turned begging eyes upon Red Robin. “I need your help, and you need this too because I noticed it when we first met, Tim, that you are too.”

Tim reeled, he stood and knocked his chair over. “Wh-what do you mean?” 

“How many times have you been near-death? How many times have you been around the dying? That sort of stuff leaves a mark on people. They begin to metabolize ectoplasm. I reckon that the majority of the Justice League apply. I’d argue that soldiers who have seen active combat would register on some sensors. According to those laws, you can be captured and experimented on. They’re luckily focusing on ghosts and have been ignoring people, but it’s only a matter of time. I need you to bring this to Batman, to the League. I need these Acts removed. They call for the eradication of my People” His eyes flashed a green again as the word resonated. “This calls for the eradication of an entire dimension, they’ve already tried it once, and if they had, it would have torn this universe apart. Luckily the nuke they had was a dud.” 

Tim swallowed at that. “Nuke? They tried to nuke an entire dimension?” Tim picked up the chair and sat heavily in it. “I’m going to guess that this somehow gets worse?”

Danny nodded solemnly. “You see, the Infinite Realms has a council and a king. A good majority of the council rightfully believes that these Acts are calling for the genocide of our people. The king has kept them at bay for now, but they’re calling for war.” 

Tim put his head in his hands and groaned. “And the king?” Danny looked at him, debating something for a moment. Then he stood and there was a flash of bright light. Stood in front of Red Robin could only be the King. Danny now had bright white hair and eyes that glowed with a familiar Lazarus green. He wore a cloak of stars and his crown looked like the Northern Lights. He wore armor that seemed to be a combination of the ancient Norse and Greeks. “I just want my people safe.”

[rin-vana]

⠀⠀⠀⠀───◌┈┈─── ♡ 𝇄 𝇃 𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐋𝐄 𝟕 ┋ 𝐅𝐓. 𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐆𝐄𝐑

⎯⎯ ( 𝙋𝘼𝙄𝙍𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 ) : Guitarist!Eren x Single Mom!Reader

⎯⎯ ( 𝙎𝙔𝙉𝙊𝙋𝙎𝙄𝙎 ) : What went from buying baby food for his friend, to stumbling upon a struggling mother, Eren intrigues himself with the woman. What kind of gentleman would he be if he didn't help her out and reep the benefits?

⎯⎯ ( 𝘾.𝙒. ) : Heavily black coded reader, reader is older than Eren so slight age gap, Eren talks in his head a lot, thick coded reader, needy Eren, begging, unprotected sex, lactation (Eren is lowk a perv), nipple play, mutual masterbation (unknowingly), use of nicknames (sweetheart, sweet thing), vocal dirty talker Eren bec that boy can't shut up, reader lives in a 2 story apartment sorta, body worshipping, fully consensual

⎯⎯ ( 𝙒.𝘾. ) : 10,540

⎯⎯ ( 𝙉𝙊𝙏𝙀𝙎 ) : The idea of Eren talking in his head a lot versus verbally came from the amazing @/hellavile who wrote the piece Sketch. The idea resonated with me and literally a light bulb went off in my head like yup, that's so Eren, and I wanted to incorporate that idea into my own writing style bec i had this idea for like 3 years straight but never had the courage or time to write it out until now, and it really made me fall in love with his character in this piece of mine. So enjoy <3

Sex so quick it felt as if it didn't happen. You've been laying in bed for what felt like eternity afterwards because you've grown used to the empty spot beside you after coming back to your senses realizing your boyfriend had up and left while you were asleep, not shocking at all. It was something he had always done to either get weed from a gas station or get IHOP early in the morning, but it felt different, feeling as though it was going to be permanent. It isn't like you haven't had the feeling before, but every part of your intuition was telling you it was. Adding on to your growing headache was your son's wails as the sun's rays hardly peaked through your window, meaning you were forced to get up to tend to him. I'm coming Isaiah, give mommy a minute.

It was still dark in your apartment but you managed to enter your son's room, going over to his crib where he laid in a fit of tears at the ungodly hour of 5 in the morning. You wanted to go back to bed, to forget about where your boyfriend was and taking care of Isaiah, but life had a funny way of not going ways we expect. You pulled your baby out the crib, hoisting him on your hip. Walking to the bathroom was no easy task with a crying little boy throwing a hissy fit at you for not being fed, and he wasn't trying to give you an easy time either. Too much like his father.

”Boy,” you groaned in frustration.”I'mma need you to stop crying so I can clean myself 'n you can be fed. Okay?”

You were talking to him as if he could understand a word you said, but it got him to stop so it didn't linger on your mind much longer than that. You set him down on the counter, undressing him to change his diaper that you did not sign up for when you got pregnant in the first place, the whole process you always found disgusting, but at the end of the day he was your flesh and blood, and somewhat his fathers. Isaiah much resembled you albeit he had your brown skin, but his father's grey, wide eyes and his nose. You couldn't have been happier he got your lips though. As much as you loved him he had absolutely none to save his life.

The process of getting your baby looking right took far too long than you realized, the sun was now fully up at 7:00 in the morning, but you weren't fully up with it. Your bonnet was messily on your head, a few braids spilling out from behind that you had meant to take out today but the world had other plans for you. ”Can you watch your cartoon so I can shower?”

A few babbles left your son's lips, and you took that as an answer not knowing what the hell he said, he was only 10 months old after all, still growing and can't be alone for more than 5 minutes when he's awake.

Your shower was short and getting yourself ready was even shorter. It was gonna be a long day and mentally you just weren't prepared for it.

”Alexa play Clouded by Brent Faiyaz.”

The flat, circular device began playing the song, so you turned off the TV grabbing the rest of your things as well as Isaiah in order to go downstairs while the music softly played in the background. You wanted to forget everything that happened last night, from finding out how much money your boyfriend spent to him selling your things to the mind-numbing sex that lasted longer longer it needed to. It was a lot in one night and you wanted to forget it all over eggs and sausage.

Finally moving downstairs from the loft part of your apartment, you're quick to feel the vibration from your phone and notice a few burnt out cigarettes on the kitchen island. Typical of him. You sat Isaiah in his high chair not too far from you, giving him a little toy to play with to distract him while you read the text message from the sender.

Connie💋 - 7:42 AM

I'm gonna be gone for a bit baby, IDK how long but I wasn't ready to have a kid, I'm sorry and I'll be back when I'm ready.

You knew that was going to be never, so why were you so goddamn frustrated? Not like he was much help anyways, but for him to leave with your money and a baby was heartless, even for him. The fuck is wrong with men. You couldn't help the bubbling rage inside you, but taking it out would only make things worse. Looking into the fridge for something, anything consumable only to find nothing was a big ass slap to the face however.

”Break up with me over text and now eat my damn food? Fucking dipshit,” you heaved the more you stared at your partially empty fridge, then looking back at Isaiah who returned the gaze which big innocent eyes that had not a thought behind them. To the market it is.

With the weather rising, wearing your cotton shorts made of sweatpants material and cropped jacket over nothing but a sports bra was one of the smartest things you've done after fucking with Connie. It was sad to admit your baby looked better than you but it was better than nothing. Getting him into his car seat and pulling off in the direction of your local Giants was silent, but stressful. You had to figure out how you were gonna take care of your baby on your own. Not like you haven't been doing so after Connie showed up to your apartment less and less, but the reality bitch slapped you in the face and you had to deal with it.

You pulled up to the parking lot a little under 15 minutes after leaving your house, getting out to sit in the backseat with Isaiah to give him a quick breastfeed so he would at least not embarrass you in public by crying. It took way too long for your liking to the point where you had to pull him off. ”You can't be eating like that all the time or you gonna be fat like mommy,” you said with the smallest smile looking down at him.

You cleaned yourself up and not too long after that entered the Giants with Isaiah hoisted on your waist again. He played with one of your braids as you chose a cart made for moms like you with small kids, putting him inside the chair that resembled a car seat except with the market's colors. You walked around aimlessly inside, grabbing whatever you needed to make decent meals for yourself and being mindful to grab your son a few things while you were at it. Picking all sorts of frozen meats and fresh vegetables seemed like muscle memory after your mother practically forced you to change your diet for the sake of your baby. It paid off in the end I guess.

You walked down an aisle specific for babies, eyeing all the different toys and miniature furniture made for the smaller humans. You stopped specifically at the section labeled "baby food" looking through each brand and going for whatever looked the most healthiest. You were putting a few of them in your cart one by one until your hand and another's overlapped on the same one accidentally.

”Sorry,” you said rushed to whoever it was, not taking the time to look at them as your hand retracted to grab another bottle.

”You can have it.”

A voice so deep you could've sworn it was an echo and not a real person talking to you. Your face had nearly whipped to whoever it was, eyebrow raising in suspicion at who your hand had brushed against. Standing beside you was a tall looking boy that had brown hair brushing a little past his shoulders, the rest in a very messy bun and stray hairs sprawled across his face. He was young, that much you could tell just from what felt like forever staring at him, but his voice made him sound as if it was aged like fine wine.

”Oh- um.. thank you.”

”Do you always stare?” The question alone caught you off guard, stepping back a little to really get a good look at him. He was wearing a white simple baggy t-shirt messily tucked into black capri pants and black adidas. He had a few bits of jewelry here and there, a thin gold necklace dangling over his chest and a matching gold bracelet to go with it. He not bad looking.

”I don't always stare, jus' in my head.” That was a lie. You were staring at the poor boy longer than any stranger would have, but your ego would never allow you to admit that. Isaiah seemed to have a way of telling when your attention wasn't fully on him because he made a loud noise that partially startled you. You turned towards him to silence him a little by giving him something random in your jacket pocket which happened to be a toy car that somehow got in there.

”I take it he's a handful,” the boy spoke again, looking at Isaiah who is in his seat and smiling at the brown haired male. He returned to looking at you who then looked at him again, smiling awkwardly at that but at the end of the day you couldn't care less. ”He can be but I got it.” No the hell you don't.

The pale boy was staring at you for a little, eyeing you up and down once or twice to get a good at your little get-up. He took in every detail as slowly as possible, carving the image of your shorts riding up exposing your thighs, the cleavage your jacket zipper revealed and the ink you have on your left thigh into his head. To be honest you felt like his gaze was swallowing you whole, so you had to break the eye contact otherwise your body temperature would rise. ”Where's your boyfriend to help you?”

”He's deadbeat and gone.” You scoffed at the mere mention of him, grabbing baby formula and tossing it into the cart suddenly feeling your emotions of anger return from earlier. You noticed how the tall boy's eyes seemed to widen before relaxing to the lazy look he had before, his body now facing you entirely.

His voice was smooth and calm as he spoke. ”Sorry to hear that then.”

”It's no problem honestly, the only good thing the bit- I mean he did leave me is Isaiah here.” You smiled with the words you spoke. Sure you may have hated Connie's guts and wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of him, but you're happy with your baby nonetheless.

After a semi-long silence of you both skimming over the isle one last time, you decided to speak again with inquiry in your tone. ”I didn't get your nam-”

”Eren.” He beat you to it, his body seeming much closer than before because you could feel his body heat radiating off of him, as well as the faint smell of natural forest lurking the more you breathed in and out your nose. It was intoxicating.

”⌈name⌋.” You replied somewhat shortly after, having the silence engulf you until you got tired of it. ”Do you mind.. helping me with this? Like– moving it into my car or somethin'?”

Eren pondered in his head, his deadpan expression boring into yours as his brain seemed to think of a proper response. He did want to help, you looked so small and fragile like you could break at any moment, and yet he liked it. You needed his help even if you've only known each other for 5 minutes. A hum resonated deep within his chest, vibrating his entire being as he prolonged his answer, the reason being seeing your face impatiently wait for a reply.

You want me to say yes don't you? You're giving it away. ”I'll help. Got nothing better to do.”

Your lips curved upwards into a smile again, your body turning to your cart with Isaiah who was gnawing at his own fingers and eyeing Eren as he began following behind you with his basket in tow full of his own food.

”I really appreciate the help, Eren. I probably woulda struggled on my own.” You spoke and giggled at the same time, but the brown haired boy walking beside you was in his own world of thoughts that were slightly muted in the back of his head.

”It's no problem.”

”Can I ask why you got baby food? You got a girlfriend at home?”

Curious now. We just met.

”Nah,” he replied shortly, turning his head slightly down to look at you as you kept walking forward. ”For a friend of mine. Having his own kid 'n he asked me to buy it for him.”

”So you just helping everybody.”

Eren smiled when you finally looked at him. ”In a way, yes. I don't mind doing it 'cause it's nice watching them from the sidelines.”

”So then why don't you have a girlfriend?”

He thought about it for a minute, his relaxed face seeming so close and so far to yours at the same time, the strong eye contact not being dared to be broken by either of you. It was obvious there was some unspoken tension in the air the more you looked at each other and the more you awaited Eren's answer.

”Never really found time for one.”

Your eyebrows rose and your head tilted to the right a little. ”Is that your real answer or somethin' you made up?”

Do that again. ”You'd have to find out for yourself.”

You finally broke the never ending eye contact that had you in a chokehold, walking forward quicker as to hide your face. Not like any blush would show up regardless but you could definitely feel your face getting hot just from the closeness of your bodies.

With you walking so fast Eren opted to take his time to grab anything else he might need, but the conversation was stuck in his head. He played with the bracelet on his wrist catching up to where you stood now in the snack aisle grabbing all sorts of chips. You felt his eyes on you again but couldn't look at him.

You want to look at me don't you? Why don't you do it?

”Miss ⌈name⌋—”

”Uh-uh boy that make me sound older than what I am.” You both shared a laugh, his somewhat quiet, yours a little louder. Isaiah joined in on the noise making by throwing his toy out the seat. You were about to grab it but Eren got it before you could, handing it to your son who babbled more nonsense.

You need someone to help you with him. I can tell but it's fine. Take all the time you need to ask. ”Then, ⌈name⌋, how old are you?”

You turn to smile at him again, teasing him almost. ”You know it's rude to ask a woman her age right?”

”I'm just curious.”

Eren leaned on the opposite side of the cart where Isaiah was sitting, supporting himself on his elbows and eyeing you as you grabbed more things.

”Late twenties.”

”Not even an exact number but you can ask me about my relationship status?” His grin was nothing short of mischievous and teasing, his nose scrunched and releasing a little at the end of his sentence. ”If it's gonna be like then I'm only in my early 20s.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him. ”How early?”

So now you're interested again. What if I make you guess.

”That's something you'll also have to figure out.”

”Stop playing with me,” you laughed to shield your embarrassment from him.

Your little shopping trip went longer than expected thanks to your new found acquaintance. Even if Eren was like a minx he managed to help you as he promised, putting bag after bag in the trunk of your 2015 BMW. It was like nothing for him to lift and honestly it was a turn on. His hand easily grabbed 5 bags at once.

Isaiah was already sitting in the car while the two of you stood outside in the humid air. ”Thank you for the help 'cause I don't know how I've been doing it on my own.”

Eren's lips raise at that, his face showing contemptment. ”Then should I give you my number to continue my "helping"?”

His voice dropped an entire octave as if it was mocking you. You had to readjust your stance in order to respond properly, confidently at that. ”No, you can wait for it though.”

You giggled when his expressions changed to a shocked one as you unlocked your car and sat inside it, starting it at the same time.

”Then how will I find you if I can't contact you?”

She's going to raise her eyebrow again.

You raised your eyebrow at him, long nails hovering over the steering wheel as you looked at him. ”You live around here right?”

”Well, yes, but—”

”Then we'll run into each other eventually.”

Eventually turned into a week because soon enough you ran out of food from eating like a mad woman. Everything in you didn't want to go out, wanting so badly to stay laying on the couch with Isaiah in his playpen in his own little world while you caught up on your shows. Your ankles were swollen from overdoing it the past few days that walking in itself felt like a chore. Maybe I should call him—

Oh, right. You didn't have his phone number.

So now here you were at the same market as last week, grabbing damn near the same thing until this time in the snack aisle you saw the same silhouette as before. Eren this time was wearing a sage green long sleeve loose shirt, however the sleeves pulled up a little below his elbows and light grey pants accompanied with some green and white vans.

What caught you off guard was the glasses on his face. ”You ain't tell me you wear glasses.”

Eren looked up slowly from his bent down position eyeing whatever large bag of chips he was looking at. The same grin he had from last week was on his face when he saw you. Assuming she needs my number.

”I don't actually, these are fake ones that I wear from time to time. But, you didn't tell me you wear sexy maxi dresses on Thursdays.”

Eren watched as you looked down to eye yourself, attempting to flip your now new hairstyle of your wig that looked somewhat styled. The hair seemed to engulf your head almost, but it made you look endearing. You were fogging his head now, pretty woman.

”I don't usually, but I decided to look nice. You don't like it?”

Eren chuckled. ”When did I suggest that? You look beautiful sweetheart.”

You felt your face heat up again and your stomach turn. Why was heat growing in your stomach over a small nickname. Your laugh felt forced and breathy to him, and his smirk only grew in size the more you seemed to shy away. ”So we’re doin' nicknames now.”

You're shy over a few words. You didn't get treated well by him didn't you? He made you so upset. I'll take care of you. ”We can if that's what you'd like.”

He was seriously messing with you. He knew that. He loved how you tried to take little steps to hide from his eyes, he loved how you played with your hands the more the silence dragged on, he especially loved his view.

”That is a one time thing.” You finally spoke, your tone a little broken but it's the best you could do. You felt hot and trapped in your own body, this hasn't happened since your first month of dating Connie.

”Don't like it sweetheart?”

Damn his smirk.

”That's enough out of you Eren.” You were bluffing out your ass at this point, moving on to another aisle but he just had to follow you. He was driving you mad at that point. ”You gonna give me a headache if you keep going.”

I'm sure you won't. You want me to keep going sweet girl. ”But you need my help, right?”

You inhaled deeply before you spoke, turning your head to face him. ”Yeah I might just ask another guy for help if you keep that up.”

Eren's face contorted into surprise, allowing his emotion to show through his face. You wouldn't dare. He moved himself closer to you, his arms crossing with his basket in hand, his face suddenly moving so close you forgot you had to breathe for a second. ”Would you really do that? My heart would be so broken.”

You rolled your eyes and put a hand on his chest, pushing him away slightly leaving him to let out such a sweet, deep laugh. It made you wonder if he was really younger than you or not. You continued walking towards the check out area, getting in a random line with Eren beside you whose eyes were staring so hard you could feel it. I'm just admiring, he told himself, but that was a lie. He couldn't help but to stare at the way your dress hugged your body and how it seemed so soft to the touch, how it developed after your pregnancy, how, if he stood close enough, your behind would be on him and your head on his chest, looking like a real c—

”Eren you're next.”

The boy let his mind wander too far for his own good and he didn't so much as realize it. He just nodded at you, his voice stuck in his throat as he put his own basket of groceries on the conveyor belt. You noticed how he got quiet all of a sudden, giving your son some attention while you waited for him. It wasn't until he finally paid that he looked you in the eyes again, then noticeably trailed his gaze down to your cleavage.

You felt hot again under his gaze, clearing your throat to make him stop. What's with the tension? you ask yourself, walking side by side with him. ”Is something wrong? You staring harder than I did when I first saw you.”

It was meant to be a little funny, you even smiled and was about to force a laugh, but Eren wasn't smiling at all. His face had greed written all over it, and he was well aware of it too. His eyes were more relaxed, lips downturned in a frown. He decided to play along and let a miniscule laugh leave his throat, but his eyes were stuck on you.

”The only thing wrong is how I don't have your number yet,” he finally replied, to which your eyes doubled a little.

You both were standing at your car by time he finished his declaration. Jus' smile 'n laugh it off. You lowered your head smiling like a little school girl, digging in your purse to find your phone and handed it over to him, shifting impatiently as he typed in the digits slowly as if he were messing with you. He handed the phone back over allowing you to see what he put himself as.

”"Personal shopper" with a green heart emoji?”

”Yeah, like that one Nicki Minaj song? It was piggy.. something.”

You smiled even wider. ”Itty bitty piggy? What you know about that?”

Eren's face looked as if he had won a million dollars with the way he gazed upon you, looking happy and all. ”I just know it's by her.. but it seemed to impress you enough.”

You couldn't help yourself. Him going from being a seductive little shit to being adorable wasn't what you were used to. Sure you and Connie had your moments but it hasn't made you feel as strong as now.

”You're going to call me, right?” You questioned him, not knowing 100% if you both had something solid or it was just a few lucky times of meeting. Seeing him hold out his pinkie however took you by surprise.

”I can pinkie promise on it.”

”Are you a five year old?”

With your protests and his coercion, you locked pinkies with him anyway, getting in your car afterwards sealing your departure from one another. Getting home with so much on your mind from today was like being a deer in headlights, and Isaiah wasn't making it easy either with his fits of wanting whatever he wanted at the time.

It was quiet. A feeling that felt foreign after your long day. Your son had already gone to sleep after being fed, so it was almost eerie. It doesn't make sense because you've been living like this frequently after Connie came around less, but having the presence of someone physically there is always better. You were mindlessly scrolling on your phone looking for better things to occupy yourself with, going as far as going through your YouTube playlist because the silence was overbearing.

”It's quiet isn't it,” Eren says, standing not too far from the bed, his face solemn as he sits in his black bean bag, tweaking with the tuning pegs of his guitar, headphones loosely on his shoulders. His eyes are closed as he imagines a melody in his head, one simple that flows and is easy to register as calming. His fingers are finding their way to the strings of the instrument, strumming them softly. His mouth curls into a smile the more his imagination vividly shifts to the guitar suddenly being you, plush thighs enveloping his slender fingers the more he strokes it, a song coming from your lips.

You hum along to the song of choice playing from your phone, allowing the notes to leave your lips as pleasure seeps through your body. Enjoyment taking over your entire being as the music continues, body writhing around more to get comfortable, eyes shut to enjoy the feeling even more of the euphorium that seems to spread. Your fingers try so hard to stop the adrenaline building but they disobey your mind, rubbing at your bud so hopelessly you can't help but to imagine it was Connie that was helping you. His heavy breaths fanning over your face, his body behind yours as you're sprawled across his lap trying to reach your peak.

I'll help you ride out this tune, He says to you. His long fingers are reaching spots inside you, making you cry out an even sweeter song. His long hair— Connie doesn't have long hair, — A strong build is supporting you as you stuff yourself with your fingers. Eren continues moving his digits, curling them to make you emit a wonderful symphony from your lips. He meticulously moves the end of his fingers, head tilted back against the fabric as sweat builds up all over his body, the song becoming so much for him it corrupts his mind almost.

You're trying so hard to submit yourself to your imagination, biting your lip to stop yourself from becoming too loud but you only get louder, back arched from the warmth he provided, his turquoise colored eyes peering down at you, watching your face contort. Connie doesn't have turquoise eyes though, nor brunette hair. Eren. He's on your mind when you feel the most pleasure you've given yourself in a while. Is it wrong? To think of him right after you get his number? You want to say it's wrong, but the sound of lewd squechling clouds your mind the more your fingers feel more like what you imagine to be his.

Brushing against your clit just barely and you're already teary eyed. Your eyes are screwed shut, his hands holding you firmly. He's keeping you down to keep his own composure, stroking and stroking, getting you so close. His lips are parted as he can see you reaching your peak, your ecstasy, as your pretty moans get louder and louder—

You open your eyes to your fingers being coated in your slick, no longer seeing the long strands of brown hair clouding your view, nor feeling the firm front side of him behind you. Your mind echoed Connie, but your body felt someone else, someone who's been in your mind ever since you gave yourself time to think. He's ruining your body and you're allowing it. Your bonnet was now halfway off after being lost in your head, braids sprawled across your sheets, earbuds no longer connected to your ears playing the slow songs you absorbed yourself to.

Eren's jaw is slack, his eyes finally opening from whatever euphoria he got himself into based on your image in his head. He looked down at himself, his shirt slightly raised revealing his v-line, but moreover there was an obvious outline of his erection showing in his sweats. You got me like this. His hair is a mess and his body temperature is different from before, but all he can do is just sit there, that is until he got the idea to call you. He already decided that he wanted you, that he wanted to be the one you could depend on. The brunette grabbed his phone at the thought, opening his phone to the keypad where he typed your number that he managed to memorize after seeing it from your phone.

Personal shopper💚 - 5:27 PM

Can I call you?

You felt the vibrations of your phone at the notification, and looking at your screen you see it was Eren who texted you. You hadn't expected him to ask to call you, but who were you to deny him. Not like you weren't just imagining having sex with him. Your fingers typed away at the screen, replying with a short "sure" and waiting for him to call you, not expecting him to do so immediately. ”Hey Eren.”

”Hey– hope I didn't catch you at a bad time.”

”No not at all actually,” you couldn't hide the smile on your face, why were you getting so riled up over a phone call?

”You sure?,” he breathily laughed midway. ”You sound groggy and out of breath.”

”Isaiah was wearing me out. I should be askin' you that though. What are you doing?” Was it obvious? Did you sound that out of breath? Would he figure out you were touching yourself to him? It was an erotic idea for him to guide you through the phon—

”Oh. 'M not doing anything besides messing with my guitar, nothin' special.” Liar.

”You play?” You couldn't hide the surprise in your tone. You were intrigued and there was no hiding it. You sat up in your bed as if he could physically see he had your full attention.

Eren liked the tone of your voice resonating in his ears, it got him in a better mood even. Aren't you cute. ”Not as much but I can play a decent song when I feel like it.”

”Can you do a song for me then?”

”Haven't played for anyone in a while–”

”But would you do it for me?” You may have been pressing him a little, but your curiosity was getting the better of you and you liked how shy he sounded.

The line on the other end went silent as he contemplated in his head, but it didn't last long. ”Mmm,” he sounded. ”I'll think about it.”

”Can you think quicker?”

You both shared a laugh, one that sounded genuine and filled the silence that was once present. Any awkward feelings were left behind the more you talked, swinging your legs back and forth when you turned to lay on your stomach. You could hear shuffling from Eren's end and heard the sound of sheets ruffling, assuming he was in bed.

”What do I get in return for doing this exactly?” Think real hard about how you're going to repay me and I might give you what you want.

”Would inviting you over work? 'cause I'm not gonna have Isaiah on saturday.” You figured the timing couldn't be better, and you wanted to see him outside of the market. Being a little selfish never hurt, and it's not like you're in a relationship anymore.

Eren smiled despite you not being able to see it, eyeing the instrument beside his bed. ”Works for me. I'll finish the song for you by then.” You're going to do it again.

You raised your eyebrow, a puff of air coming out your nose. ”A song for me? You'd do that?”

”Since you asked like a sweetheart I figured why not.” He was going to be the death of you.

”You stay playin' too much.” You had to play it off otherwise you would've felt your body hot. You weren't easy to crack but this white boy was doing wonders to you for no reason.

He smiled imagining your reaction, eyes relaxed as he focused on the sound of your voice. It'll sound even sweeter soon. Make sure you forget about your ex.

”I'll see you in a few days then.”

”I'll be looking forward to my song then Eren.”

The wait felt like forever actually. The week couldn't have gone by fast enough and you were growing restless, even though you two have been talking in between. Working didn't help either and you were anticipating the time you two were going to spend together. You managed to always work yourself up over small, or big things, making it one of the biggest stresses until it's solved. Right now, your stress is him. Of course not hearing back from your ex at all was worrying at some points, but you knew it was coming eventually, and now have a better distraction from all that.

Once saturday did finally roll around was when you dolled yourself up more than usual. You got to take your braids out thanks to boredom and styled it completely differently, putting on your best lashes and smearing minor hints of makeup on your face. Was it a lot for one guy? Possibly, but it passed the time.

It wasn't long before the doorbell rang, and opening it revealed Eren with a large black case in the shape of a guitar slung across his shoulder. He looked down at you, a smug smile across his face and lidded eyes that hadn't the slightest expression behind them. He was hard to read sometimes. You let him inside your home, not that big but still bright and open.

”Y'have a nice place,” Eren commented dryly, stepping inside and taking off his shoes at the front door.

”I decorated a majority of it. A woman's touch was all it needed to look nice.” It was meant as a funny comment, but his face remained as stoic as ever. Did something happen?

His body had approached yours, and suddenly you felt intimidated by how close he was. Eren leaned down slightly in order to get closer, looking you up and down and intaking every bit of you. You were wearing a dress that stopped at your mid-thigh, the cleavage being low but you threw on those cropped hoodies that stopped at your breasts so even still you were somewhat exposed, and the sight was in his face. ”So your ex didn't help?”

Eren finally stepped away from you after he spoke, following the open floor plan to your living room, sitting on your sofa with you following behind, sitting near him but keeping a bit of a distance. ”He didn't but he wouldn't 've helped that much anyways. But, how have you been?”

You made yourself sound as polite as possible, and to Eren he couldn't fight back his lips curling upwards, his hair flowing with him. It wasn't in the man bun, it was more like a half-up half-down style with a small ponytail and instead of strands sitting on his face, his hair was more free. ”Decent, getting by. How about you?”

”I could say the same. With Isaiah at his grandmother's I can get some peace.”

I could've helped. ”I was wondering why it was so quiet in here,” he commented.

Eren began pulling out the guitar from the bag, and it seemed so small compared to his larger build but you knew it'd be big if it were you that was playing. He flung the strap around his head and positioned himself comfortably on your couch, leaning back and spreading his legs partially. Is he trying to get under your skin on purpose?

”It took me a bit but hope you like it.”

”I'm sure I will.”

He was hesitant, that was blatantly clear enough. His fingers were still against the strings of the guitar and his face looked uneasy with the amount of times he readjusted himself. He knew he was taking too long to start which is why he said something. ”Sorry, like I said, haven't played for someone else in a while.”

”Take your time then,” you reassured him, placing your hand on his shoulder and rubbing lightly. His body was tense underneath when you first touched him, but he let himself go the more you rubbed.

He finally began tugging at the thin strings, a gentle sound emitting from the instrument that filled the silence. His eyes were fixated on the guitar, but yours were stuck on his face. Did he always have that dimple on his left cheek? You were almost lost in his features until the tune registered in your ears. It was soft, a higher pitch on some parts, but it became a slow melody after that. He was actually good. You found yourself bobbing your head a little to it, glancing at the way Eren's fingers gently struck the instrument, how they seemed to so easily know what note to hit, how to direct the tips of them. Did he always have long fingers like that?

You're so dumbfounded at the features you didn't allow yourself to notice before that you didn't see how Eren was now looking at you, contempt with the way your eyes were glued to his hands, and feeling at ease with your hand still on him. It's not the silence he was expecting but he'd take it if it meant you were right there.

Your hands are moving up, it has him a little nervous and even tense but he seems to melt like putty when you stroke his hair just once. His bottom lip is a little tucked in and the tune of his little song quickened, but his eyes are practically burning into your face the longer you look away, and you enjoy it. You felt the power you had in the situation, making him wait longer than he had to. The tension is already becoming suffocating, and you can hardly hold eye contact for shit, but you want to so badly. You're giving in faster than you can think about it, meeting his eyes feeling like you were in a fever dream.

”You're really good at it.”

Eren had to force a small, breathless laugh to even respond. ”You had me worried with how quiet you were.”

”Just keep playing.”

And that he did. For once he was the first to look away and concentrate on his guitar while you stared like a fucking creep when you just couldn't stop yourself. You were drinking every bit of his features including the softness of his hair. He's trying so hard to avoid your face, but you touching him was making him shift. Wanna fuck me so bad huh. You're touching him in all the right places, your fingers with acrylics on them gliding to his mid-thigh the more he plays, the song becoming much lower. He can't help but look at you now. Not with the way you're practically begging for his dick like a greedy whore.

”Y'really know how to tease someone,” he rasps, voice low at how close yall were. Your plump lips were curved upwards in a sly smile, suddenly retracting your hands as if you weren't all over him. You raise a brow at him as if he hasn't done that to you. ”I have experience.”

There you go again. The guitar is long forgotten by now, leaning against your couch. His body is turned towards yours, his build feeling oppressive with the way it towers over you, and you love it. His arm is rested against the back of the sofa, the other one suddenly grabbing your hand it nearly brings you from your senses. He's putting it on his chest, sliding it up and down his body and now you're melting.

”Can ya show me that experience 'cause right now I wanna kiss you so fuckin' bad.”

You're giving in to him as soon as he gets the words out his mouth, pressing your lips against his and taking control of your own hands again by running them all over his body. Eren isn't hesitant to do the same, pulling you forward so it's skin against skin. He's too shy to admit he likes the contrast of tones and even more shy to admit that he's giving in to every bit of you. His mouth fits like a puzzle against yours and it's over when your tongue brushed against his lips, he's already parting them to allow his own tongue to further itself inside your mouth.

Saliva dribbled down his chin and it felt too soon when you both departed to regain oxygen, his pupils blown with clear need. His cheeks are five shades of red just from a kiss and it has you rubbing your thighs together. ”Touch me, please,” you mumble in between the exchange of spit. He's doing as you said obediently, a different kind of feeling running through your body at his hands roaming your curves and the fact that he listened.

Soon enough you're letting out sounds you hadn't made genuinely in what felt like forever, pulling away from his face to catch your breath. It gave you time to really think, to really process what was going on. You've only known Eren for like two weeks and you're all over him. There's doubt in your face the more you pull away, wiping your wet mouth the longer you avoid his eyes, the same ones you've dreamed about while fucking yourself.

Eren couldn't let this chance pass, not when he had you like this. Lips swollen and damn near straddling him. Not yet, don't stop baby, please, need you right now. He's intertwining his hand into yours, fingers curling in between your own so he can pull you back towards him. It was gentle, a stark contrast to before but it had you back in his embrace instantly. ”C'mon, lemme take care of you. You deserve it so much.”

”You want it that bad with me?” You couldn't help but inquire, searching his face for bits of truth because the last thing you'd want is to be used again. You were scared.

He suddenly lifted you from the couch after scooping you up by the ass into his arms, holding you up by the underside of your thighs. ”Do you really–”

”Fuck, yes, been wanting it from ya for a while.” Let me fuck you how you deserve to be fucked. Eren's lips are on yours again as he walked, carrying you upstairs until your back suddenly hit a wall. Your tongues are practically dancing with each other. Your breath hot and so damn rigged. His body is pressed against yours so close you can feel something hard against your leg. His chest heaving up and down. He's keeping you up far enough just to kiss you deep enough. Fuck he's taking over your damn mind.

”Which way,” he paused just to kiss you again. ”..is your room.”

”Door on the left.”

You're out of breath but you still want more which is a damn shame. You can feel your panties become soiled the more you try to move in his grasp. He's already opening your door by then and carefully laying you on your mattress, hovering above your body and looking so far into your eyes you're sure he knows every bit of thought you've had about him.

Your hands are moving on their own traveling up his shirt, tugging at it eagerly to get him to take it off. Eren can't help but grin at this, helping you pull his shirt off and toss it somewhere, but he eyed your dress as if he hated it. ”Y'want me to take it off?” He asked as he eyed you further, hands sliding up your waist and following the outline of your body until you said yes. He pulled it off you and as soon as he did he pulled down your bra. ”Eren wait—”

”I can't wait anymore, need to have you. Please let me [name].” Eren's eyes met yours and every bit of logical thinking got thrown out the window. He looked so damn needy with his hair tussle and swollen lips, hands not stopping the constant kneeding to your thick flesh, all of which he's trying not to get carried away in. His eyes look a much darker shade of turquoise, and in that moment you felt like he'd tear you apart the more he looked at you. ”Go ahead, 'n try not to disappoint me.”

”I don't plan on keeping you bored,” and as quick as he finished his lips latched on to your nipple, a choked whine leaving your mouth because his mouth felt so wet and warm against your skin it was addictive. He kept flicking his tongue and sucking eagerly while undressing himself, and seeing the imprint in his boxers made you whine even more. You needed him, falling into his trap of touches and harsh licks, your thighs locking around his waist to grind yourself on him.

”I know baby, I wanna lose myself to you too, but there's something I wanna try.”

”And what's that?”

He answered your question by placing his mouth on your other nipple. Your mind was in a daze at the built up pressure of your chest suddenly feeling relief and it only then hit you what he wanted to try. He was milking your breasts fucking dry and you were more turned on by it. You had to rub your cunt against him, the ache was becoming unbearable because of the mess he was making on your chest. ”Eren, shit, Eren please, I can't take anymore waiting, need you in me.”

He let go of your nipple with a pop sound resonating in your ears, his mouth a complete mess from indulging himself in his filthy fantasy of sucking your tits and getting something out of them. Really it was something he should've been embarrassed about but thinking of the way your body reacted to it didn't help, he needed you in his mouth, in his hold. He can't let another second pass by where you're not near him chanting his name.

”I wanna savor this a little longer [name], be a little patient with me.”

You're nodding along and even still he sends a firm slap to the side of your thigh where your tattoo is and a small yelp leaves your mouth that distracts you long enough so he can finally pull down his boxers. His length springs free from its confinement and you can't help but let your jaw slack a little.

”God you're bigger than I imagined.”

You thought about us fucking haven't you. ”You've imagined my size?” He lets out a small chuckle.

”Don't get too cocky,” you responded, but Eren wasn't going to let your comments slide, yanking your underwear down your thighs and throwing them across the room, eyeing your mound having a starved haze over it. It wasn't enough for him though, he's greedy and selfish with what he wants.

”Spread your legs,” he orders and you can feel the heat rush to your face, spreading yourself open until his hand pushes your thighs back further, having your pussy sprawled out for him like a meal. His eyes are locked on to how wet you were, reaching a hand down to allow his fingers to spread you more. You couldn't help but giggle at his enthralment, keeping yourself open for him, wiggling your hips just a bit. His fingers spread your puffy lips open and it was then he lost it. Your cute hole fluttered open as more of your slick coated your inner thighs, your clit poking out just for him.

Eren finally began to line himself up to your cunt, lightning sparks in your body the longer he looked at you and the more he rubbed his tip against your already engorged clit, a moan withdrawing from your throat.

”You gonna let me in sweet thing?” You shuddered as goosebumps appeared on your skin, nodding your head slowly because coming up with a coherent response felt impossible. He lowered his head towards your neck, biting and kissing and suckling on your skin as he finally eased the tip inside you.

”Ng..ghh fuck,” you inhaled sharply the more he pushed on, but he suddenly stopped and you whined despite feeling so damn full already. You can feel his breath staggering against your neck as it trails further up to your lips, capturing them in another one of his overpowering kisses that you submerged yourself into. He continued to push himself in again and that's when you felt the pressure to a specific spongy spot within you. He curved a good ways to the right and inside you it was the perfect amount of pressure that had you hyperventilating.

”Let me know when you're ready, y'look like you struggling.” He kept his eyes on yours the entire time, watching your cute face contort. Eren had a guilty pleasure for watching you struggle to take him. He was big and he knew it. Your mouth had been quivering, trying to adjust to the mere thickness of him, but seeing his face written with knowing had you fixing your own. ”Just.. start moving.”

Your command had been answered with a breathless chuckle once Eren finally started moving his hips back and forth at a slow pace. Every time he bottomed out you felt a painfully good pressure in your stomach. Low mewls resonated in your throat as he kept going, adjusting to both his size and the pace of friction he set. Eren's mouth hung ajar, eyes lidded but locked onto the way he slid in and out of you. You're so goddamn wet.

”Fuck.” He couldn't keep his hands off you any longer. It'd be a waste not to touch you when you're underneath him after all. His body leaned forward until you were face to face, his hands drifting towards yours and guiding them to wrap around his neck. ”I-... want you to hold onto me, alright?” You gave him a meek nod as an answer until you felt a shift in pace. You were only just getting adjusted to the slow and steady tone but with his size going like this had you feeling hazy and lightheaded. You needed him closer to you, feeling his skin against yours, feeling like you'd lose yourself to the feeling of his dick without it.

”Oh my God—” you rasp and claw at his back to ease some of the pleasure, even if it's just by a little bit, but no matter how close you pull him to your body it's not enough. Losing yourself on me, too fuckin' cute.

Eren loves how vocal you are, and it's all for him. The way you shudder when his hips snap against your pussy, the way you squeeze him to damn near suffocation, he has to bite his lip to stop himself from moaning like a bitch. His lips meet the crevice of your neck, his teeth beginning to tug at your skin as a way to muffle his moans, but you feel them vibrate in your body and it has you digging your nails into his back.

”Just like that.. keep grabbing me, not goin' anywhere sweetheart.” The way his voice sounded right at your ear had you whining again. He sounded so fucking sexy. All you can do is just nod.

You're grasping at the chance for air when his pace increases. At that point it felt like he was just so goddamn deep inside you to the point where it even stung a little. ”'Ren.. Eren. Hurts– too deep,” you plead to him, a hand of yours leaving his back to push his hips away a little, but his hand is quick to swat it away and hold your waist. ”Can't help it, you keep pulling me in. Feels so good I can't help it.. fuuck.”

The best you can do is sniffle as a sob leaves your lips. It sounded so beautiful to Eren though, like the beautiful melody that's been playing in his head on repeat. He needed to hear more from you because you sounded so pretty, so cute. But he couldn't see your face like this when he knows it's probably tear stained and fucking slutty, so he moves his head from your neck to get a better look at you, and he couldn't be more right. Your eyes were glued to the way his pelvis met yours, tears on your cheeks from the way it felt like he was in your stomach. Fuck. ”You look so pretty like this. Pretty little face and the prettiest pussy in the world.”

He left you speechless at his choice of words. They were so filthy but they felt so good, just as good as the pressure in your pussy. How could a man fuck like that? Like him? Can't tell if you love him or his dick, or both. His eyes stayed lidded and locked on you, but you looked like you were losing yourself, so he tapped your cheek. ”Don't go passing out on me.”

You giggle with little breath, gasping in between but your body is giving itself away, jerking and writhing feeling heat pool in your clit. ”Sorry, 'm getting close. Mmmh.. I'm gonna cum soon if you keep moving like that.”

”Then I wanna see your face, wanna see how beautiful it is. Wanna see it when you cum.” It's all he can say because there's an eagerness to seeing you unravel. He felt it too, feeling himself tighten and ache feeling the way your warmth squeezed him just right. Shit, forgot a condom. At that point Eren didn't care, he'd just pull out. You didn't seem to care either, your whines getting louder and your hand going to push at his waist again once he startes fucking you harder than before. You missed being able to hold him the way you were before, but you also liked the view of him looming above you, exposed chest, v-line and all.

”Oh fuck, oh my God, Eren– shit.” Your free hand starts gripping the sheet beside your head feeling yourself cum and spasm on his cock, biting your lip as you moan.

Eren felt the new sudden feeling of something creamy on him, looking at where the two of you connected and saw your essence seep out of your hole as he kept fucking into you. The sight had him on the edge, body sweating and full of so much damn regret as he pulled out. He's desperately wrapping a hand around his shaft and fucking his fist, head tilted back trying to imagine that he was still inside you. The sight was so sexy, to watch him get off to the thought of your pussy still hugging him, even as your breath was still ragged and mind hazy you wanted to remember that forever.

”So fuckin' beautiful– ahh. Your ex didn't deserve this perfect pussy, this perfect body— fuck!” He's so frustrated that he has to finish like this, but he's the one that gets to cover you in his cum and the thought alone gets him spurting thick ropes of white onto your stomach and clit, some dripping down onto your partially gaping hole. God your ex. If he could rub it in his face it'd probably make him cum again that he gets to fuck you better than him.

You're admiring the way he keeps leaking onto your body, white pools glistening against your skin. You were breathless and the space where your legs met your pelvis were starting to ache the longer you held them in this position so you put them down. By doing that you didn't think you'd get his attention though. ”Who said we was done, sweet thing? Put your legs back up f'me.” Go ahead and arch your eyebrow.

An eyebrow of yours raised, looking him up and down when all he did was just look at you with that same cocky smirk you remember from the market. ”Oh really?” You weren't gonna back out now, and in all honestly Eren wasn't either. He wanted to test your limits, see and learn what your body likes.

The night before seemed like forever ago, or a messy dream at that, because before you knew it the sun was shining through your black-out curtains signifying that a day had passed. The aching where your legs met your pelvis couldn't be more overwhelming, but the sleep you got distracted you from the dull ache. Horny fucker.

Originally you were meant to go sex-free for a while, but clearly your mind and pussy had other plans. Not like you had much room for regret though because it was one of the best experiences of your life. Eren. He was so much better than you could've imagined, he even changed your bed sheets for you while you showered independently. You smiled reminiscing on the aftermath, but you wanted to see him, see his pretty face again, hear his voice. Should I be like this?

You turned over only to be met with an empty bed, sitting up from your laying position to study your empty room. You didn't hear anything, nor felt movement in your own bed so you wondered if he left. Damn, just how good did he fuck you for you to not hear him leave? Even still, there was a high chance he did since he didn't live with you, and it more or less felt like a one night stand.

You shouldn't feel so disappointed, but at the same time you want to call him and ask him where he is, listen to him talk, just be with him. But he wasn't there, in the same fashion that Connie wasn't there either. For fucks sake. One pretty guy enters your life and he's already imprinted on your mind. You're sitting up by then, legs dangling over the edge of your bed as you sit and contemplate whether you should try to find out where he is, however what if he didn't answer and your apartment is actually empty? You didn't want to admit you were scared, but the questions spiraling in your head made your anxiety spike.

Not again, not like this shit again. You can't let yourself be fucked over by another guy again, you've already been at that point. Being so lost in your own head you got up from your bed, motioning towards your connected bathroom to fix your appearance because you'd be damned if you let yourself be a mess over another person. Except you stop, standing in front of your bathroom door as the strong smell of food hit your nose. Who the fuck?

You don't remember eating anything last night, so you blamed the smell on your hunger, but just as you're about to step fully in your bathroom it hits you stronger until you're already gravitating towards your bedroom door. Opening it, you're met with the sound of your son's giggling. He shouldn't be home yet so how is he inside? Instinct tells you to investigate, rushing down the stairs and seeing the bare backside of a tall man with brown hair sprawled down his neck and shoulders.

”Morning sweetheart.”

Your feet move you forward, eyes a little wide and all. ”But you– how did Isaiah…?”

You can't even finish the question, your voice trailing off as you try to connect the dots. Meanwhile Eren had turned to face you, placing the cooking utensil down from making fried potatoes. ”A lovely woman who looked like you brought him home. Told me I was handsome too.” All you do is scoff while going over to your babbling son, picking him up out of his high chair to hold him.

You didn't mean to stay silent but you're still trying to make it make sense. First you thought he was gone and now here he is cooking you breakfast. Who the hell sent this man to me? ”First of all she lied,” you retorted in an attempt to hide your slight awkwardness. It was Eren's turn to scoff at that. ”Secondly, that was my mother.”

”I guessed that much because she has wonderful taste.” You look him up and down, not being able to hold a wide smile back when you know fully well it was because of the reddish marks on his neck and collarbone. Pretty thing was worrying about me. Eren could tell by how your body language gave you away. You came downstairs tense, but now you look lax.

”I'm assuming you hungry.” He begins motioning to two plates he somehow manages to find in your unorganized kitchen. ”Yes, please I'm starving.”

It's when he begins making your plate that a ring resonates throughout your apartment. Must be mom. You set Isaiah back down in his high chair and went towards the front door, assuming your mother had possibly forgotten to drop off something that belonged to your son since she seemed to do that a lot, so you don't care to make yourself presentable since she's seen you at your worst.

”Ma what you–” You spoke before opening the door, but the last person you expected to see standing there just had to be there. Just fucking had to be. Eren must have somehow known you were just standing there based on your silence, because he came over to stand behind you with his hands in his pockets assuming your mother was standing there. You both couldn't have been more wrong, and you really really wished you were.

[honeysuckleharringtons]

Part Four: "Macchiat- Oh No..." ~ S. Harrington

Summary: (Then) Back in Hawkins, the time has come for Reader to break the news to her boyfriend… only, he doesn't take it as well as she'd hoped. — (Now) When Steve stops by for his daily coffee, things take a sour turn when his ex-girlfriend walks in.

Pairing: Nurse!Steve Harrington x Fem!Byers!Reader (Reader x Jason Carver and Steve x Brenda are both featured as well)

Word Count: 2,401

Content Warning: teen pregnancy, mentions of vomit, adoption/abortion talk, mild swearing, Reader slaps and hits Jason, food consumption (Reader and Steve share a cookie), Jason is sorta out of character, lmk if i missed anything lol!

Extra Notes: so sorry this chapter was late, life is crazy rn lol but i hope y'all enjoy!

Originally Written: 11/28/2023 through 12/19/2023

honeysuckleharringtons' main masterlist can be found here!

'brew and me' series masterlist can be found here!

[ Then, August of 1987 ]

You knew it was impossible, but you were sure you'd just witnessed your boyfriend's eyes double in size. "Y-You're what?" he stuttered, his hands grabbing hold of the wooden bedpost beside him.

You couldn't say you blamed him. After all, you were nearly thirteen weeks along and still having trouble believing the news yourself. "I'm pregnant," you repeated. "We're gonna have a baby, Jay."

His normally glowy and tanned skin turned snow white. "No," he said, the word coated with disbelief and something close to anger. "I can't- We can't have a baby."

Rather than the excitement you'd hoped to feel when finally telling him your news, your heart felt like it was being crushed into a million tiny pieces. Pain and guilt and confusion stung in your stomach, and while you hadn't experienced morning sickness in almost two weeks, you were sure you were on the verge of throwing up. "What do you mean?" you asked in confusion and shock.

"I leave next week for college. I'm gonna be in California. I can't…"

Your hand met his shoulder softly, the pad of your thumb rubbing soft lines along his covered skin. "I know it's scary, but I know we can make this work, Jay. I'm-"

"No," he repeated, his voice stern this time. "I cannot have a kid. We have to get rid of it."

Confusion soon melted into betrayal as you realized what he'd meant by his earlier statement. Anger burned in your veins, your fists clenching. "Excuse me?"

"Y/N, imagine what that would do to my reputation. I mean, I'm about to join one of the most renowned basketball teams in America."

An aggravated scoff left your lips as you moved away from him, suddenly unsure if you could contain your anger if you continued to sit beside him on the bed. "Well, I'm sorry this puts such a damper in your plans."

The room, which once felt so full of love and lust, was now spinning in a storm of betrayal and fury. The bed, where your child had been conceived, was now the place where you'd experienced your first true heartbreak. You stumbled backward a few steps, gripping his dresser for dear life as you processed the scene in front of you.

"Y/N, you know it's not me," he argued. "You know what my parents would do if I ruined my full ride like this."

You truly wanted to believe this wasn't his idea, knowing Jason's dad wasn't much better than your own father—before he left anyway. But you knew him better than anyone, and you knew for a fact that when Jason had an idea in his head, he was going to go through with it.

He stood, walking toward you. Tears brimmed in his eyes, blue and heavy and beautiful, like two oceans you could get lost swimming in. A hand raised up to your cheek, wiping away the tears that had fallen from your own eyes. "It'll be okay. We can fix this. You can give it up for adoption or-"

You cursed yourself for even beginning to think he was starting to come over to your side. Your palms lay flat on his hard chest, pushing him away. "I love how you assume that I'm on your side, Jason. I mean, did you ever stop to consider maybe I want to keep this baby?"

He faltered, stepping back toward the bed. "Why? You've got your whole-"

"My whole life ahead of me?" you finished his sentence, the words filled with disbelief. "Jason, your dad makes more in one month than my mom and I make in a year combined. I can't afford to move to California for college like you can."

"So what, you're just gonna do like all the other women in Hawkins? Get pregnant and have four kids and live out in the suburbs?"

You really and truthfully couldn't believe what you were hearing. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

His next sentence was like a viper bite, so venomous that it stung down to your bones. "It is when it's not what either of us wants."

Tears that previously pricked your eyes began to fall like rain storms as your hands met his chest, slapping and shoving as his words of duplicity repeated like skipping records in your head. You knew it wasn't right to treat him this way, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. Incoherent sobs and screams flew from your lips, hitting his chest with smack after smack.

"You selfish bastard!" you cried, striking his polo-clad skin. "How dare you tell me what I do or don't want?"

He just stood there and took the blows like nothing was happening, passive and composed. You hated that he acted like this was just a casual Friday, yet you envied him for being so in control of his emotions, his placid expression not allowing you to see any kind of hidden feeling behind those blue eyes you once called home.

Teardrops fell as your chest heaved, a thousand different emotions swirling like a tornado inside you. The man who'd once picked up your broken pieces had now left you shattered, a million tiny splinters of grief scattered across his bedroom floor.

As if flipping a light switch, you forced yourself to calm down, removing your flying fists from his chest and drying up your crocodile tears. You grabbed your coat, backing toward the exit. You took one last look around the room, knowing this was exactly how you'd remember it when his name was mentioned or when your baby opened its eyes to reveal the same ocean blue shade its father had all those years ago.

[ Now, December of 1991 ]

"If you decide you want to grow a set of balls and learn how to grow the hell up," you practically spat at him, gripping the doorknob much tighter than necessary, "you know where to find me, Jason Carver."

"Here is that-"

Your sentence was quickly cut off by Steve grabbing your arm and pulling you into the booth beside him. His cold palm sent goosebumps running up your arm where your sweater sleeve had slid up, his fingertips juxtaposingly shooting hot sparks through you.

Still, you cleared your throat, confused by his sudden, out-of-character action. "You that desperate for a date, Harrington?"

"Actually, yes," he whispered, not making eye contact with you and instead staring toward the door.

Brows furrowing, you turned to see what exactly had stolen the man's attention. When your eyes landed on it, or rather her, you could've sworn you felt bile rising in your throat.

Her long and tanned legs sported what looked to be the most beautiful and most expensive skirt you'd ever seen, despite the forty degree weather outside. The baby pink sweater that flowed around her top half only complemented her skin tone and her gorgeous blonde hair, curled to perfection. Her makeup was perfect, but she didn't even need it because when she smiled, it lit up the whole room. Jealousy and hurt flowed through you as you realized she was everything you weren't.

"You see that girl sitting down in the booth by the door?" Steve asked. You suddenly had the urge to smack him for even mentioning her.

Still, you pushed your feelings down and turned back toward him, meeting him once again with pinched brows. "Yes…" your voice trailed. "I'm sorry. What do I have to do with-"

"That's my ex-girlfriend," he whispered, still keeping a wary eye on the woman.

Your mouth flew open as you realized your mistake, your previous jealousy quickly melting into embarrassment. Though, you did still feel a slight tinge of envy at the prospect of any girl holding Steve's hand or kissing his lips when you couldn't, but that was a story for another time.

Your eyes twinkled mischievously at his unspoken proposition. "Steve Harrington, are you asking me on a playdate?"

He moved uncomfortably in his seat as he continued to watch the blonde across the shop. "When you put it like that, it seems more childish than it should."

"Oh, it's definitely as childish as it seems," you grinned. "But I suppose I can play along since the most popular boy on the playground invited me to his little game."

You stood, walking quickly to the counter. After making sure the blonde wasn't looking—she was instead looking at a handsome brunet who'd just sat down across from her—you quickly grabbed a cookie from the display counter and sprinted back to Steve's table.

This time his brows furrowed, but you just answered him with, "If we're gonna play, we need toys and props."

He let out an exasperated sigh, and you reveled in his defeat. "You're eating this up, aren't you?"

"The same way we're about to eat this cookie."

Before you could process what was happening, he was tossing an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his side. Your breath caught in your throat, and your skin was boiling hot where his fingers touched you through your cardigan.

"Oh, my God," the brightest and cheeriest voice you'd ever heard greeted you. "Steve Harrington?"

Steve feigned surprise as he made eye contact with the woman he'd been watching. "Brenda? Wow, you look…"

"I know!" she smiled, her cheeks rosy. You wanted to throw up just watching their interaction. "You don't look so bad yourself. I mean, how long has it been? Four-"

"Five years," he corrected her. You could've sworn he grimaced at the memory. "So, what are you up to now?"

She showed off her engagement ring happily, and both Steve's and your eyes nearly popped out of your eye sockets at the size of the diamond in the middle. "Matt and I were actually on our way up to Boston for a cake tasting but he wanted to stop for some coffee first."

"Huh, who would've thought?" Something flashed in Steve's eyes that you'd never seen from him: hurt. You weren't sure what had happened between them, but your heart stung as you watched that brief surge of painful nostalgia wash over him. Had it not been for you watching Steve all those months and learning all his reactions, you might've missed it.

A brief moment of silence overtook your table, so you decided to carry on to the next topic, thankful that your job had somewhat taught you how to think fast. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Y/N, Steve's girlfriend," you said, holding out your hand toward the blonde.

Girlfriend. It'd been so long since you'd been one of those, you'd forgotten how nice it was to say. But with Steve… the word left you feeling a satisfaction you'd never felt before.

Brenda took your hand, shaking it curtly. "Pleased to meet you. It's nice to see Steve finally found someone who'll settle him down."

The man muttered something under his breath, so quiet Brenda didn't notice and you couldn't tell what it was. At full volume, he said, "Who would've thought that one up either?"

She let out a laugh, one almost as sickeningly sweet as the frappuccino in Steve's hand. A quick smile flashed across her lips before she said, "I guess I have to get going if Matt and I are going to make our appointment with the baker but it was good to see you, Steve. And nice to meet you, Y/N."

You and Steve both chirped out a response before she headed toward the door, a string of laughs leaving her lips as her fiancé wrapped an arm around her from behind. You'd never been one to hate love, but suddenly you wished this was the seventeenth century, where public displays of affection were outlawed.

Steve took a piece of the cookie, the feeling of his hand brushing yours bringing you out of your slightly maniacal thoughts. He threw it into his mouth, and you realized just how much you wanted to feel it touch your own mouth. What is with me today? you wondered silently.

"So that was Brenda," he said, a chuckle nearly falling behind his sentence.

You snickered, taking a bite of the cookie yourself. "So it was," you snickered before tossing back the sugar cookie's goodness. "She always been drop dead gorgeous or is it just that post-grad, pre-wedding glow?"

A low laugh rumbled from his chest, and the sound made tingles shoot up your spine. "She's always been something." Sarcasm coated the words.

"You wanna talk about it?"

His arm was still around your shoulders, and both of you were extremely aware of it. The tips of his fingers touching your sweater clad skin, your body practically flush against his side, both your faces close enough to feel the warmth of the other person's breath. As if realizing it at the same time, you scooted closer to the edge of the seat and he removed his arm, placing his hands in his lap.

"Not much to talk about," he answered, nonchalantly ignoring the arm-around-the-shoulders business. "I was a bit of a party boy in my first year at Aster."

Your mouth fell open in fake shock. "I never would've guessed! A handsome guy like you? No way you got invited to parties every weekend."

"I take it back," he quipped, and you had to resist a laugh, "I don't want your number anymore. And I sure as hell don't wanna tell you about my ex-girlfriend drama."

"Okay, okay, I'll behave." Another laugh fought to escape your lips.

"I was a bit of a party boy. But I met her and things changed." That hurt from before flashed across Steve's face again, causing your heart to sting once more. "I thought she'd be the one. But nothing I ever did was good enough. One day I found out she'd cheated on me three different times, trying to find someone better and I dipped. Haven't really dated since."

You thought about someone you hadn't thought of in years, how you were convinced he was the one. How he left you feeling like a crumpled up piece of garbage on the ground afterward. How he hadn't apologized or reached out since.

Suddenly, you realized, maybe you and Steve weren't so different after all. Maybe, just maybe, if you gave him the chance, the two of you could be more similar than you ever imagined.

Y'all, I am so so sorry this chapter is so late 😭

I feel like those posts about the AO3 authors that are like "A/N: sorry this is late, i got hit by a train" but that's truly what it feels like happened these past two weeks LOL. I have had so much happening in my personal life between work and sickness and ending up in the ER and now Christmas. It was... insane lol

Regardless of all that, I hope this was worth the wait and I'm so happy to be posting for you guys again! Chapter five will be up in just a little bit so I hope you guys enjoyed this one for now! Happy holidays from me and the B&M crew! 🤎

-> taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @ducky-died-inside @awkotaco24 @liberhoe @princesseddie @corrodedseraphine @manuosorioh @esoltis280 @hazydespair

[stormcrow513]

Ok so first I'm still high so this might incoherent ask go along,

I had to goin for jury duty today, they called me in back in marchish I think and my ma called in for me I have a hard time talking to people on the phone, and the person told her all I can do is delay you side months for you to get her a diagnosis then she's excused, cue me laughing cause I've heard enough stories about the autistic diagnose process to know I'm not getting one in six months,

Besides for a lot of reason I've decided I won't ever be seeking a diagnosis, its not right fit for me is what it boils down to,

I tried some magic to keep my number from being called but no go, I was upset felt like a shotty witch go not get something so simpleand to go through, but while I'm not normally a everything happens for a reason gal, today I think did,

I had a few realizations today, I kinda wanted to share cause I've found people telling stories like this helpful in the past,

So my ma talked to a guy near us about how I have problems with things like this and if they didn't let my ma come in with me would he mind sitting with me, ma's got good instincts with these sorta things he said he would but surely they'd let ma sit with me, last time they'd let me and ma sit in the hall and eventually the woman talked to the judge and got him to dismiss me, and while I hoped for a so3 out come I wasn't holding my breath but I did think they'd let me sit in the hall or let her sit in with me, nope,

We get up there, my ma starts to explain I'm autistic and can we please sit in the hall, bitch cuts her off and starts saying she'll give me a six month stay to get a diagnosis and I'm like no I'd rather just get it over with, and God I've been infantized before but holy shit was she so condescending about it I wanted to go a cross the desk at her so hard I started crying, she goes do you think you'd be a good juried? And I'm like we'll no, and she goes then come back in six months, and I'm like I'm not going to get diagnosed in six months just let me get it over with, and I'm getting readied1 and shiekerer by the second and then my hand with my cell thumped the desk and now she's looking at me as akid threat and I'm like Fuck get it together and that just made me cry more, finally she let me through and the guy from before grouted over and braved my hand and sat next to me and talked me calmer so I could breath again, after a bit ma saved us back she must of kept talking to the lady and they let me go, hopefully it was an actual dismissal and not another delay, like that hitch wanted to do,

So we're walking back to the car and I'm so upset I can't stop crying, cause I can't stop and I can see ma trying not to cry cause she upset I'm hurting and she can't help so I want to calm for her but can't, I'm so mad at myself for breaking down so bad I made a fucking spectacle of myself and I hate embarrassing myself like that, I made me feel weak, and likea no wonder I'm such a crappy witch, on an on I couldn't catch my breath of stop crying, eventually back in the car I managed to realise a few things, my father and sister have had me convinced for years that I'm either faking or refusing a diagnosis cause I like this, like not working and laying on my ma,

but I realized that's such bullshit, I hate this, I hate being like this, I hate putting my ma through this shit, I hate being weak and humiliated,

then I started there really are kind people you run into in life that man really helped me out, its ok to except help,

that I'm not fucking weak just because I have some problems other people don't have everyone has something they can't do or face every one has something their scared of there's likely things people who don't freak out about jury can't do that I can, I'm actually scary calm in fights or emergencies,

I also decided that if this Birchwood me back in next time I won't bring up being autistic I'l see if someone would sit with me and I'll me maliciously compliment,

I'll do pot first like I did this time cause while it made controlling my frustrated tears impossible it helped me keep my voice better than usual, and made it easier to get through, and in the car it got me to calm down to really realize that I'm not a life of shit for being like this and I have legitimate reasons for not getting a diagnosis and its ok that I'm like this, and that made me realize something, we hold such an emphasis on knowing ourselves in this community that excepting ourselves gets left in the rough, but that parts important too, if when know and except who we are we can learn to stop working against ourselves by trying to force ourselves to be where we want to be rather then working from where we're at right now

[questions-im-scared-to-ask]

So, if you have a character going through their transition MtF, and they go through basically everything up to surgery, but they get a chance to alter their body without surgery for story reasons. Does that diminish their personal journey?

Like I'm talking years of going through hrt, social and family stuff, and basically getting an option right before going through surgery, to just overhaul their body. Like face, chest, bits, all of it. But this change only being possible because of the hormones and therapy work they've already done.

Is that wish fulfilment, or is that like erasure? Because they still went through everything, but it sorta feels like an instant fix, even though the process takes several months?

(Context and poll below)

For context a character I'm working on went through a nearly full transition (she's still in early writing so I'm trying to figure out if I need to adjust) and a few days before she was going in for bottom surgery she got hit by an alien parasite. A few weird days go by, and she misses her appointment. In a moment of panic she explains why she's upset, and the parasite mentions that it can help adjust her body to better match her hormones.

So instead of surgery it's a few awkward months of body changes, face shape, voice box, down to bittles. And she slowly feels more and more comfortable and confident with her body. And during this time you get to see her as she connects with the people around her and feel how she feels as things change.

Skip ahead a few years and something rips the parasite out, so she goes through a sort of self reflection panic where she worries about her body shifting back. But it doesn't because that's what she is now. And when she gets the parasite back they have a stronger relationship realizing they're together by choice and not because they have to be.

Like, she still goes through a full transition, I just thought that may offer more character specific moments than a surgery does. Also I don't know how to write medical stuff, and I'm worried I'd mess it up trying to get into it, and I don't want to just gloss over it. Especially since it's a very important moment in her story. Basically I just want to shift the framing device of the transition to both match the story, and give me familiar territory to write with more focus on characters than the process. It provides some moments in story where she can explore the feelings she has with the people around her. Coupled with the fear of her body reverting back, and getting some good moments with her father. He doesn't have a problem with her transitioning he just doesn't understand the concept well. He's similar to the dad in turning red.

But all that aside, I don't want to accidentally make people feel like I'm glossing past the issue. I am cis, I don't have any personal experience with the transition process, so I'm going off what I can gather from the trans friends I have as well as testimonials online. I really want to make sure I do this right and be respectful. And I'm not so attached to this idea that I'd let it ruin my character work. So please, tell me what you think.

If I've said anything that sounds rude or offensive please let me know and I will absolutely fix it. I'm not very familiar with a story this in depth on transitioning and I'm trying to learn so I can be a better more inclusive writer. Thank you!

[dzpenumbra]

10/2/22

I started the day off a bit rough. I got on edge and frustrated over something small, then felt like the life just drained out of me. I slept like shit so it might have had something to do with that. Also started the antibiotics yesterday too. I don't know. I just don't like doing things that I'm not proud of. I just feel very obligated to be true to my emotions and work through them, rather than avoid or suppress them, because of how badly that has screwed me over in the past.

I'm very tired. I might try to just get to sleep.

I guess the only thing I want to share that's immediately on my mind is... well two things, I guess. The tincture... not sure what it's doing, tbh. I barely feel it and I'm almost to the highest dose. But my sleep had been getting steadily better.

The second is... I've been trying to barrel headlong through impostor syndrome and whatever it's called when you actually are doing work but you don't feel like you're working hard enough... whatever that is, that too. I have been neglecting the SketchDailies. I stopped working on Rimworld D&D. I paused the new Rimworld playthrough concept. I've been debating dropping livestreams entirely and just focusing on YouTube content. I'm just... very up in the air, I guess. The only constant right now is recording playing Session and snagging clips. The running plan is to do Instagram vids of one or two tricks that I'm learning/learned. Then release the full week of clips at the end of the week, like Friday or Saturday or something.

I don't know, I just... feel like I could be doing much more. I keep doing this whole like... being on the phone for 3-4 hours at a time thing, and the whole time I'm... not getting anything done. Like... I really need to train myself to draw when I do that shit instead of wandering around the house. Like don't get me wrong, I'm getting in good shape from just pacing in circles around my house for hours at a time. Might actually be burning too many calories doing that. So maybe I need to just train that. Or you know what... people could just come the fuck over to my house and chill and talk while I'm making art. That's a thing. I mean, they live 5 minutes away... And I'm moving in like a month.

It's so frustrating what the world has become. Maybe it's always been sorta like this, maybe the people I'm around just changed... I don't know. But what it has been in my proximity, it's been seriously impossible to get anyone to do anything. Make plans, get excited, work on projects, go on a damn walk, fuckin anything. I can barely get phone calls, honestly. I don't ever get texts. It's just so... sad. And then I end up in this weird situation where I actually feel bad about inviting people to my house, or to play games, or to go skating. Like me asking them is an imposition or something, like it puts them in the awkward position where they would have to give the implicitly obvious response "um... no..."

Ugh, I don't know what it is. But it got in my head pretty deep. And I'm really gonna need to recondition myself. I need to be around better people. And I had a mini-freakout earlier about that. How the fuck am I going to meet people my age when I move? Like... aren't they all parents now? Maybe I'm just sorta not really processing that fully on a day-to-day basis. I am single, in my mid-30s, never married, no kids. That's... not very common, is it? At least where I am, naw. I mean, I'll see a few people on dating apps that are also claiming that, but we never match. It's overwhelmingly single mothers, divorcees. Not that I have a problem with that, it's just... something I haven't experienced yet. I have never been a father. I have never been a husband. I nannied my former goddaughter for a little bit when she was real little. I took care of my dog and cat and tried to be a good father to them, once I finally grew the fuck up and took that role seriously. But never to a human that saw me as a father figure. And I strongly doubt I've ever been in a relationship with someone who liked me enough to consider marriage. So... maybe that's a barrier for me, and puts me in a weird category?

It feels almost like arrested development in a way, but the lack of distractions in this stage of life has left me cavernous amounts of free time, with which I studied, and drew, and played music, and played games. I learned. But I can never practice the things that aren't available to me, you know? Like... you can never get good at drums if you don't practice... drums. If you don't have a drum set available. You can tap on your legs and shit... okay, you know what, better analogy. You can't get good at singing if you never sing. There. I'm sure someone could find a hole in that analogy but I like it much better, it's very true. I can kinda tell when I listen to people sing what kind of context they are used to singing in. You can't practice projecting your voice if you don't have a space to practice projecting your voice in where it wouldn't be upsetting others. Like a practice space or a car or something. So that feels like my experience with social dynamics, romantic relationships and potential parenthood.

I want them very badly. I am scared of them now, which is very sad. It's a really big paradox in my personality that's been building friction. My anxieties and depression have been inflating a lot lately, I'm guessing my confidence levels are dropping pretty quick. It definitely feels like it, to be honest. The paradox I'm feeling is that I want more than anything to be a husband and a father, to have a family. My whole life I've wanted that. Now... I'm scared of it. I never have been in the past. I always was 100% all-in with it. I want nothing more than to be a dad to an awesome kid. Probably a daughter, but who knows. Maybe it's having gone through losing essentially a surrogate child. Maybe that's it. Fuck. I mean this shift is very recent... That would add up too... man, I'm really glad I journal now, I legit had no idea I felt that way.

I'm worried of fucking it up. I'm worried of having a kid who develops the same family stuff me, my brothers and my dad have. It's like... being very smart and creative... but also super anxious and withdrawn. I think it's a very likely outcome. I honestly think I could teach that kid more than anyone could have ever taught me... you know, because I put my entire life the past... 10+ years... into digging deep into the mechanics and meaning behind these behaviors. I have been exploring. The final frontier. The frontier of the human consciousness, exploring itself. I've learned a lot, I learn more and more each day. So... maybe it would actually be good. I guess I'm just sorta in-general scared now. I'm getting tired of it. Being afraid all the time is so draining.

I'm glad I wrote tonight, but I'm gonna wrap things up and try to get to bed early. This dawn to 1-2 PM sleep schedule is just kind fucking up my ability to get anything done in the world. I would really like to go on regular walks again. I miss being in nature, feeling my toes in the dirt, hearing the rush of water, the rustle of leaves, the birds calling and squirrels and chipmunks chirping. Tomorrow should be the day I get to revisit. Rest well.

[phoenixyfriend]

Okay so Anakin's conception was, in some manner, related to Dark Sithly Rituals by Plagueis and Sidious. Given that their ritual was "increase darkness" and Anakin was born after, the easy interp is that the Force went "eeeeeeeeeeeeyikes let me try to balance your bullshit with this Nice Young Man, very very far from You."

HOWEVER another option, because Legends is only quasi-canon and so I get to do what I want, is that they were TRYING to make a super-powerful Force baby happen, and the genes had to come from somewhere, and that somewhere was most likely Sidious (since Plagueis is, in fact, a Muun), so Anakin's biological dad is Palpatine because Force Shenanigans.

This is mostly not relevant to anything except a tabloid takes interest in why the Chancellor is so invested in this Random Jedi kid and theories pop up. The easiest assumption is Grooming, but a few throw around 'illegitimate child' as an option, just for kicks. A bored assassin runs a quick heist to get blood samples.

The truth comes out, mostly because the assassin goes "shit, do the Jedi know this? I think I can let them know through Jettster," and does that.

And Anakin.

Poor, little Anakin.

Hears "Palpatine is your biological father" and it pings off of "you have no father" and "my mom was a slave when I was conceived" and enters "Palpatine paid to have sex with a slave, or was bribed with the act, and either way it's rape; the Chancellor raped my mom?"

Because like. Chancellor's a rich dude and Shmi was a slave and there is no way for that to be consensual in the slightest, especially since he didn't even bother to free her.

Which is. Not what anyone wanted and nobody will believe Sheev's claims that he's never met Shmi Skywalker because, well, the proof is right there. He only agreed when the Jedi requested a blood test if it was through his own medical droids (so his midicount wouldn't pop up) and because he rightly thought that he'd never met Shmi in his life and couldn't possibly be Anakin's biological father.

Except he is.

Anyway, Obi-Wan refuses to let Anakin be summoned to the Chancellor's office, mostly because he refuses to let them have contact for Anakin's sake, and partly because he's like 60% sure that a meeting would start with screaming and tears and then progress to a murder attempt and he really does not need his apprentice getting arrested for trying to kill the Supreme Chancellor.

(It's murder and not assassination since the motivation was explicitly personal and not political, But.)

Someone gets to Shmi and she looks at a photo and goes "I've never met this man in my life."

Which people choose (understandably) to believe means she was drugged, except Shmi insists that she remembers all her time, and she'd been very paranoid about it all because Mystery Pregnancy, and obviously the tabloids start drama about memory erasure.

From @atagotiak when I first floated this idea on discord:

Also on Anakin’s side of things, the conclusion he drew would be pretty supported by how Shimi was very insistent on there not being a father. Because sure you could take the literal interpretation of immaculate conception, or you could assume she just didn’t want to talk about the bio father Which means he’s either dead or she doesn’t want him in the picture. Or maybe just not in the picture for less nefarious reasons, but still. Also the rumours about all of this would not be helped by how interested Palps was in Anakin. Like. That implies that whatever happened, Palpatine was aware of his connection to Anakin (which I guess he was, sorta, so that’s accurate) Just “you knew and you didn’t go back for her?” Or something like that Even if he wasn’t implicated in something worthy of removal, his public approval rating would probably take quite the hit.

Palpatine's having a horrible time. (Dooku isn't answering his calls until this blows over.)

Somehow in this whole process, the Jedi get involved because if the current Chancellor purchased the sexual services of a slave while he was a Senator, that's a violation of [legal mumbo jumbo about what political representatives are allowed to do while outside the Republic], and that means he needs to be removed as Chancellor immediately.

And Sheev is just like "I WAS HERE THAT ENTIRE MONTH" except, well, he DID disappear for a week or so to do Sithly Things and people are just like AH HA.

All this because an assassin was reading tabloids and thought getting a Chancellor Blood Sample would be a neat challenge

IDK how they got it. Hacked a med droid, probably. Didn't ping the Sith Senses because it wasn't actually a murder attempt or malicious or greedy, just really bored.

Padme probably reaches out to Anakin. Partly to make sure he's doing okay and partly to apologize for nobody in her government knowing about this.

[tom-whore-dleston]

Dad!Wong with Avenger Reader and Shangqi (this could be long I’m so sorry🌝)

- Reader asks Shangqi for a last minute date. But Reader doesn’t know that Wong already asked Shangqi for a “man-to-man” meetup

- So Shangqi being the fool that he is sometimes, makes up an excuse that he has a stealth mission with Wong assigned by the Avengers.

- The two men go a little too far on their heart to heart talk and they end up being drunk and then they “hijack” a busker who’s more than thrilled to have two Avengers. They end up singing Celine Dion’s “Ashes” (or whatever song choice is apt). In the modern day of phones and whatnot, reader sees this streamed live back home.

- Needless to say when the two men wake up, reader is not pleased😂

Heart-to-Heart

Pairing: Xu Shangqi x !Avenger f. reader

Genre: fluff + crack + sorta smut

Warnings: preludes to smut, implied smut at end, Daddy kink, cockblocking, mentions of The Rings being used inappropriately, lying, Shangqi having little brain moment, banter, alcohol consumption

Word Count: 2.7k

Notes: Again, my hand slipped bc I’ve been itching to write !Dad Wong with !Avenger reader and Shangqi. It’s steamier than I wanted it to be but are we surprised? Like it’s me 💀 it’s also dialogue heavy which I’m not used to writing so I hope it’s not too much lol. Remember to reblog and comment if you enjoyed what you read 😊

One night, you invited Shangqi to the Sanctum because Wong and Strange were in Kamar-Taj training America Chavez. You figured it would be the perfect opportunity to have alone time with Shangqi without having to worry about the other Avengers. One thing led to another and you were sprawled out on the table in the middle of the library with Shangqi on top of you.

“Oh man, this feels dirty,” he stammered. You looked up at him quizzically. “It’s just…this is where I met Wong.”

“You know,” your hands snaked under his shirt, feeling his abs. “This is also where you met me. You took my breath away and I almost forgot my own name.”

Shangqi smirked, letting you take his shirt off. “Well, I can make it so then my name is the only thing you remember.” He feverishly kissed you, hiking up the skirt of your dress. You were so engulfed in your lust, you didn’t hear the sound of a portal opening. 

“Mmm, yes, Daddy,” you moaned as Shangqi attached his lips to your neck, groping your butt in the process.

“Daddy?!” The sound of your father’s voice bellowed. You turned around to see Wong, Strange, and America standing in front of a disappearing portal from Kamar-Taj. An audible gasp, laced with fear and embarrassment, escaped your lips as the new arrivals stood there in shock. Shangqi leaped off you, grabbing his shirt off the ground and hiding behind it. Strange raised his eyebrows in disturbance, immediately shielding America’s eyes from the scene too inappropriate for her to witness.    

Your voice shook as all the emotions flooded through your body. “What are you…but you…how-“

“Thought America could take a break from training and we could see if you two were interested in taking her around San Francisco,” Wong began. His gaze shifted to your boyfriend who managed to put his shirt back on amongst the commotion. “I tried to call you both but it appears you were…busy.”

You closed your eyes, breathing to calm yourself down. You wanted to blow up at your dad and Stephen for interrupting your moment with Shangqi. Yet, you knew it wouldn’t be fair to them. Plus, you didn’t want to fight with them in front of your boyfriend or new friend. By the time you opened your eyes again, everyone stared back at you, including America after Strange lowered his hand from her eyes. You rested your hand on the young Avenger’s shoulder. 

“I’m truly sorry you had to see that, kiddo.” 

“Don’t worry,” America chirped. “It wasn’t as traumatizing as Wanda trying to kill me that one time-“

“O-okay, I hear you, but thank you.” You heard Shangqi snicker behind you but chose to ignore him because you still wanted to finish what you started.

Later that night, while you and America shared a bowl of ice cream, Wong pulled Shangqi aside. Shangqi kept a distance between himself and Wong, anticipating to get slapped upside the head. 

“Shangqi, I’m not gonna hit you. Why do you always assume I’m going to hit you when I want to talk to you?” Wong shook his head as Shangqi sighed in relief. “I wanted to say sorry for barging in on you all. I should’ve assumed you were both busy when you weren’t answering any of my calls.”

“Oh, it’s no big deal. If anything I should apologize for…umm…you know. In the middle of…where you keep the sacred texts-“

“Alright that’s enough! All is forgiven. Anyways, I was gonna ask if I could make it up to you by us having some bonding time. You know, man-to-man.”

Shangqi looked over at you giggling with America. “What about-“

“Oh, I’ll take care of her. I have a feeling she’s mad at me and Strange right now so I’ll give her some space. Plus, she is really bonding with America. They both lost their families and they…” Wong didn’t need to finish his sentence for Shangqi to understand what he was referring to. Shangqi agreed to hanging out with Wong before the older man retreated to bed.

“So what exactly is this mission you and my dad are going on that is making you miss the movie I have been waiting to see for months with you?” You called from inside Shangqi’s bathroom. 

“Oh yeah, that mission,” Shangqi hollered back, pressing his hand on his knee to prevent his nervous bouncing. “It’s just a stealth mission. Sam told me if I didn’t take the assignment, he would tell everyone about how we use the rings during sex.” You stormed out of the bathroom, removing the earrings you just put on.

“Seriously?! What are you guys, 12 years old?” You huffed in annoyance, unaware of the white lies your boyfriend just told you. “I’m gonna go up there and give him a piece of my mind.” As you were about to march out of Shangqi’s room, his hand clasped around your wrist. 

“No!” He yelled in panic, causing you to jump. He lowered his voice, “I’m just as upset as you about this assignment. Trust me, I would love to see that movie with you, but duty calls. At least you have America to go to the movies with you. Just please don’t talk to Sam, okay?” You sighed and nodded your head.

“Don’t worry, Princess. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Shangqi pulled you into his warm embrace, hands planted firmly on your hips. He pecked your forehead, causing you to melt against his touch. 

“Yeah? How so?”

Shangqi bit his lip, peering into your eyes. “Oh, ho, I can think of so many ways to make it up to you.” Before Shangqi could continue, his phone buzzed. Your lips zipped into a tight line as your boyfriend checked the text message sent from Wong. He gave you his melancholy eyes that always signaled that he had to leave. 

“Don’t wait up for me tonight. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?” Once you nodded, he pressed a long kiss to your glossy lips. “I love you, Princess.”

“Love you too.” You watched Shangqi exit his room before you continued to get ready for your now girl date with America.

Wong and Shangqi arrived at the same karaoke bar they crashed with Katy. One of the workers became star-struck after recognizing the two men, and kicked a party of five out of the main karaoke room to accommodate them. Shangqi was about to order shots of vodka but Wong pulled out two flasks from his sleeves. Your beau laughed, taking the flask from your dad before taking a swig. 

After singing two random songs from the list, Shangqi and Wong ordered nachos that were obviously preheated before receiving them. They cringed at the taste of the salty chips and questionable cheese, yet they shrugged their shoulders and continued eating. Then, they downed the rest of the liquid in the flask to drown out the horrid nacho flavor. This only led them to order two bottles of soju and sing songs that were older than you and Shangqi. 

“Hey, Wong,” Shangqi blurted after finishing ‘Baby’ by Justin Bieber. Wong grunted drunkenly, slowly turning his head towards Shangqi and sipping the last drop of soju. “I am so glad I decided not to go home when you recruited me and Katy into The Avengers. I have made some pretty dumb decisions in the past, but for once I made one that turned into something good.”

As Shangqi finished his bottle, Wong leaned his head back against the couch. “Why do you say that?” Despite Shangqi being drunk, he was crystal clear about one thing: his love for you.

“It led to us getting so drunk we had to take you back to the Sanctum,” Shangqi giggled, reminiscing that night. “Then, I met your daughter. Oh my gosh, she was so beautiful! I was so excited to meet another Avenger and even more excited that she let me give my number to her. But I was also super nervous and shy around her. I thought I was going to throw up the same way you did that night. I never felt what I feel for her.”

Wong smiled. Listening to the way he talked about you reminded him of how giddy you would get when you and Shangqi first started talking. He knew since the beginning how crazy you both were for one another. He doesn’t take pride in many things, but he was proud of bringing you two together. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you for making me an Avenger. I’ve never been as happy as I am now and I really owe that all to you.” Shangqi teared up, hugging Wong to hide his watery eyes. “I love you.” Wong was taken aback by your boyfriend’s words. It felt as if Shangqi was pulling the strings in his heart. The last time he felt that way was when he adopted you. Wong reciprocated the hug, patting him firmly on the back.

“Love you, too. You’re like a son to me.” His gentle expression turned serious in the blink of an eye. “I better not see any more funny business between you and my daughter in the library. And I’d rather not know that she calls you ‘Daddy’ so leave all of that back at the Avengers compound.” Shangqi gulped and nodded meekly. Suddenly, Wong laughed out of nowhere and Shangqi awkwardly joined in the laughter.

A moment later, Wong pulled away to grab the microphone and dialed the code to the classic ‘Lean on Me’. As the song started playing, Shangqi mindlessly grabbed his phone, opening the Instagram app. Before his vision became blurry from the alcohol, he started a live video, displaying his and Wong’s shenanigans that were not meant for you to see.

Meanwhile, you walked out of the movie theater with America, feeling a sense of satisfaction. The movie was even better than you expected and you were excited to text Shangqi about how amazing it was. You turned on your phone to a notification that Shangqi had started a live video an hour ago. Why in the world would Shangqi go live on Instagram, let alone be on social media, if he was on a mission? Things were not adding up and you wanted to get to the bottom of it. 

You clicked on the notification, only to find the Instagram live had already ended. You took a screenshot and texted it to Shangqi, writing in all caps:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THIS MISSION THAT MADE YOU GO LIVE ON INSTAGRAM???

“Is everything okay?” America asked, tapping your arm. You flinched at her touch.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I need to call Sam real quick.” Sure, you promised Shangqi that you wouldn’t talk to Same about his ‘mission’, but you wanted answers. You dialed Sam’s number, waiting for him to answer. Once you heard his voice on the other line, you felt your blood boiling. 

“What fuckin mission did you send my dad and boyfriend on that he had to drop our movie date AND go on Instagram live for? Also, you really gonna use me and Shangqi’s sex life against him so you can get him to do your dirty work? Beside, how the hell do you even know that we use the rings in bed? Whatever kind of childish shit you’re up to ends now!”

There was a moment of silence before you heard Sam burst into laughter through the phone. If you weren’t pissed already, now you were. 

“First of all, I honestly have no idea what you are talking about. But tell me more about how you and Shangqi use those rings in bed. We all know y’all are freaks, but…wow. That’s a new one.” As the captain’s chuckles persisted, you came to the realization that everything Shangqi told you was a lie. Then, it hit you that you had just outed one of your biggest secrets to your teammate. Make that teammates, considering America was right in front of you while conversing with Sam. You wanted to scream and punch something, but you held it together.

“I’m kidding, please don’t share that information with me.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Anyways, I did not send Shangqi or Wong on any mission. If you think I sent them to go to karaoke and get wasted, I don’t know what to tell you. If it were on my terms, I would have joined them. By the way, Shangqi is a really good singer, even when drunk.” 

All you could do was shake you head as Sam spoke. He sent you their location, which caused you to shake your head even more. Of course, it was the same karaoke bar they went to the night you met Shangqi. 

“Thanks, Cap! You have been a huge help. Also, let’s never speak of me and Shangqi with the rings, alright?” Sam agreed and you both ended the call. America looked away, pretending she did not hear the conversation with you and Sam. 

“Well, America, I hope you don’t have a bed time because we’re gonna make a pit stop in San Francisco.” America beamed with excitement as you focused on creating a portal to Shangqi and Wong. The teen suddenly twirled her fingers together. 

“So, what was that all about with you and Shangqi’s rings?” 

God damnit.

“I’ll tell you when you’re 30.” 

The portal to the karaoke bar opened and you and America stepped through it. When you entered the karaoke room, you were surprised at what you found. Both Shangqi and Wong were asleep, with Shangqi’s head leaned against Wong’s shoulder. You wanted to be angry with them for lying to you and hanging out behind your back. Yet, they looked so adorable, you couldn’t help but snap a photo of them with your phone. They jolted awake, unbothered by the fact that they fell asleep on each other. When they met your glaring face, they knew they were in for it.

“Don’t talk, let’s go home.”

“I’m sorry, Princess, I really am,” Shangqi slurred. You were back at the Sanctum after having to drag your drunk dad to his room. Shangqi followed you to your room like a puppy that just got yelled at for chasing birds. He laid his head in your lap as you sat at the edge of your bed.  

“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? You know I ended up outting myself to Sam about us and the rings because I was under the impression he found out about that.”

“I don’t know. If you haven’t figured it out already, your boyfriend is an idiot.” His tone of voice and sad demeanor was genuine. You ran your fingers through his hair as he pouted in your lap. 

“Don’t say that about yourself. I know you’re sorry, and I forgive you. Now it’s your turn to forgive yourself.” 

“I just feel bad, you know.” Shangqi changed the subject. “Your dad and I really bonded tonight over you. I told him about how I always made dumb decisions in the past, but the one decision that wasn’t dumb was impulsively going to karaoke with Katy and him because I ended up meeting you. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Princess, and I’m sorry if I made you feel less than that tonight.” 

Interlacing your fingers with Shangqi’s, you lifted his hand up to your mouth. You softly kissed the top of his hand before pulling it to your chest. “Oh, you know I can’t stay mad at you. Especially after all that. I love you, Daddy!”

“I love you too, Princess.” Hearing you call him Daddy reminded him of what Wong said to him earlier. “I should also mention this, but I don’t think your dad is a fan of you calling me Daddy.” 

You slapped your palm against your forehead. “Well good thing I learned a spell that makes our walls soundproof.” You waved your hand in the air as the walls glimmered a golden yellow. Shangqi stared at you in bewilderment as the magic permeated the room. 

“I think I also remember you saying something about how you would make it up to me for hanging out with my father instead of me.” 

Shangqi smirked, “Right, where was I?” He pushed you flat on the bed and climbed on top of you. The rest of the night consisted of him proving his love and devotion to you.

Navigation | Main Masterlist | Xu Shangqi/Shang-Chi Masterlist | The Avengers Sweethearts AU

[rainbowtransform]

Okay so I can't watch RTMNT on mobile with parental controls apparently, so!!! I'm wondering!!! Do you have Tumblr/DeviantArt fanfics and or comics that take the cake. (This is such a niche sorta content rec ask but if I know someone's got me it's you-)

I mean you can throw AO3 stuff too, but I'd have to get my switch for it later ^-^

Hehehehehe

Post-Apocalypse Healing

Mikey & Leo, Turtle Tots

Piebald(?) (I think that’s how you spell it)

Favorite comic moments There are actual comics to this show but I don’t know where to find them tbh

Crossover with 2003, 2012, and Bay Movies

Now, onto the fanfics where I have decimated most of them, and hunger for more.

Hanging by a Turtle: “It happens almost too quickly. One moment Don has both feet on the ground, fighting some new wacko mutant trying to blow up the city, and the next? Wacko mutant does something Don can’t really process, and the ground is giving out beneath them.

Wacko mutant gets away. Donnie and his brothers? Yeah, they don’t.”

We’ve cleaned our wounds but the pain doesn’t fade that soon: “A post-movie look at how the Hamato family deals with the what happened after they've had a chance to recover.”

Operation: rest day: “Mikey gets an art block. Leo steps in.”

(SEE ALSO: Raph & Donnie (the same author wrote both and I’m recommending them.))

Baby Blues: “It seems like no matter how hard the boys try, trouble always finds them.

Apparently, going to a yokai festival is no exception. Sure, they probably should have seen this coming; if trouble always finds them, then going to the Hidden City is just wearing a giant neon sign plastered to their backs saying "Hey! Right here!" But they had tried so hard this time not to screw this up. They even listened to Splinter's orders about sticking together

Well, for the most part. But everyone was fine in the end. Leo's fine!

Except for the fact that he's five years old.”

(This is supposed to be a multi-chaptered fic, and I’ve got it on good record that it’ll come back with a chapter two soon, but it’s a really good oneshot too.)

Turtles, meet Turtles: “First it was Sacks, then it was Krang, and now it’s... themselves? Or at least, the mutants they find certainly look like them!”

(Bay Movies/Rottmnt crossover)

On Understanding Caring Hearts: “Leo was injured, badly, during a mission gone wrong. One moment he was on lookout duty with Donatello, the next he was on the ground, trying to make sense of everything as the world moved around him.

Fortunately, his brothers are there to help him through, at least, Leo thinks they are.”

Like Father Like Son: “Draxum wasn't quite ready to give up on his plan to use the turtles as his ultimate weapons just yet. When Leo is taken by Draxum, it's up to the other three turtles to get their brother back before it's too late.

Post episode The Evil League of Mutants.”

(Mind the tags on this, love)

save your tears (for another day): ““Oh my god?” Leo asks, staring at the weird, other fucking mutant turtles in the room, accompanied by two of the strangest humans Raph thinks he’s ever seen. “Are you guys - are you guys us?”

-

orrrr a crossover btwn 2012 and 2018 :)

(now with a sequel 😌😌)”

Panic Buttons: “It feels like he’s dying. His air is being ripped from him and his eyes are drooping and he’s dying he’s dying.”

A Singular, Bloody Mattress: “Dammit, he needs to think! Raph isn't the greatest at coming up with plans; he's always been more of a "smash first, talk later" kind of a guy.

And look where that got them. Raph's baby brother is bleeding out to death, they're being pursued by the stupid flame-heads with deadly (well, deadlier) paper ninjas with nowhere to go, and they're stuck in a mattress store of all places.

Leo would have known what to do. Hell, he'd have gotten them home by now with one of his portals, where they'd be enjoying the rest of their evening with pizza and a movie.

But they're not home. They're stuck with no where to run to, and Raph can't think.”

This is all I’ll give you for now :D. Read ‘em, and then let me know when youre done so I can give you more later on. And if I find any way to get the comics free, I’ll def let you know too!!

[mettywiththenotes]

Izuku’s Emotional Neglect

Hi so I’m not okay because I keep thinking about Izuku

This kid has been emotionally neglected since he was little. Izuku has had NOBODY to rely on emotionally

He didn’t have Inko, or his classmates, or All Might. Actually, All Might is borderline the only one he’s confided in [since they talk briefly about their connection of being quirkless], but he still holds back

Inko is trying her best and no parent is perfect, I see that, but what she said to Izuku that fateful night damaged that boy and the way he saw himself.

He asks her if he can be a hero, and she cries and says she’s sorry. Not only does this imply that Izuku’s quirklessness is bad, it also implies that she was lying.

And by the way, I don’t mean that Inko ACTUALLY lied that Izuku could be a hero, nor do I think that she meant to mean his quirklessness was bad.

But I need, NEED, to stress that this is how Izuku sees it. This is how he would perceive it, subconciously.

If you’re a child and you think that you can be a hero, your parent encourages it because it makes you happy. But then suddenly you can’t be a hero, and you ask them one more time if it’s possible, hoping that those little wishes you made weren’t fruitless, that maybe somehow this is some kind of dream and she’ll wake you up from it with her smile and her warmth, promising that even with this newfound “disability” you can still be a hero, but instead she cries and apologises to you? That’s going to make you think. It’s going to make you think “Was she lying? if she truly believed in me, why would she cry and say she’s sorry? why isn’t she encouraging me, like she always does? what is happening?”

It’s not the truth, and Inko DIDN’T lie, but subconsciously I feel like it’s something that betrayed Izuku a great deal.

And with the quirklessness. He hates it, he hates feeling useless, and he saw himself as useless when he was quirkless, therefore -> quirkless is something weak and awful.

Time and time again, we see this evidence of the emotional neglect he was subjected to. It’s like actively ongoing and the effects of it are seen even now

We’ll start with the Inko one. I just mentioned it, but here are the panels. It’s really just the language that she uses

“You mean there’s something wrong?”

Apologizing over and over again, like not being normal was a bad thing. Moreso, I think this just meant that she knew how hard Izuku’s life was going to be as a quirkless person, but the way she says it makes it sound like what happened to Izuku was wrong and bad and incredibly awful

Then we have All Might disregarding his feelings and telling him straight up that he couldn’t be a hero

Which then leads to this commentary

“Don’t cry! Let it sink in!!” “Just block it out, just block it all out, just-”

*pats Izuku on head* You Can Fit So Much Denial And Repression Into This Kid!

Then further along, Izuku is seen, and he gets the quirk. He is then surrounded by people that love him, that want to help him, but it’s almost like even the narrative won’t let him have emotional closure.

In most emotional closure scenes (Tsuyu crying, Kirishima vs Rappa, Iieda in the hospital with Shouto and Izuku, Kacchan vs Deku 2), there is an end to it. The character is emotional, crying or upset, and thinking back on their regrets, spilling their guts as they scream, sob, or give solemn expressions. The other characters then cheer/hype them up, reaching some sort of conclusion to the character’s pain, and the situation is more or less resolved.

But that’s not the case with Izuku. He’s always left sorta hanging there, or his hurt and anger get sidetracked by something else. One example of this is the Running With All Might scene in the UA grounds

Izuku is incredibly upset that All Might chose to withhold information on Sir Nighteye and Mirio, and he speaks about how he can’t make sense of it. He’s voicing all his worries to All Might as they run, because he can’t stand the thought of All Might keeping something like this a secret from him.

And then All Might tells him why he kept it a secret, that he didn’t feel it was necessary to let Izuku know about Nighteye’s bias, and then it divulges into him telling Izuku he’s gonna die, and Izuku focuses on that instead.

I am NOT saying that All Might did this purposefully. He didn’t try and steer Izuku’s anger away from him, it was just that it all got revealed so suddenly, so the subject changed.

The narrative tosses Izuku’s feelings of anger aside, and instead Izuku gets emotional over All Might’s potential death. Idk man, to go from angry and upset about withheld information and then immediately shoved into the knowledge that your mentor-father figure is gonna die? That’s the narrative playing with Izuku’s feelings.

Obviously, All Might’s communication skills are awful and he just kinda unloaded all this stuff on Izuku cuz he didn’t think to tell him in the first place, but I still think Izuku’s feelings got pushed around here. He had no time to process any of it

Another example is the cafeteria scene with Shouto and Iieda

The scene goes that Izuku is visibly depressed by the Eri situation and Iieda and Shouto notice. They tell him that he can talk to them when everything gets too much [a parallel to the Stain fight], and Izuku cries. Izuku insists he shouldn’t cry, and Shouto tells him that, actually, Heroes cry too sometimes, and they offer him their food in an attempt to comfort him.

But the thing is, this scene doesn’t offer closure. Closure would be Izuku seeing that he could rely on his friends and telling them how he feels [he wouldn’t have to necessarily tell them about Eri - maybe just phrase it in another way that doesn’t reveal the mission]. Closure would be Izuku accepting that Heroes can cry too, and admitting he’s not okay. Instead, we have this

The scene feels... incomplete? Like there’s no knot at the end of the rope. Izuku is being comforted, but he’s not acknowledging his own feelings of sadness.

In fact, he’s shoveling food into his mouth to stop himself from crying, to shut himself up, to try and move forward and get past his little outburst.

I would go as far as to say this is self hatred eating, trying to quell that vulnerable part inside

I wouldn’t say Izuku HATES himself now. Rather, he just makes connections to his past quirkless self in his mind. It’s the negative emotion connection

Feeling weak? Well, you’re still like your quirkless self before! You’re still not good enough and useless!

Not strong enough? Sounds like back when you were quirkless! All weak and helpless! You can’t help anyone, which is why you need to get stronger, so you can move on from your past self!

Crying? Just like when you were quirkless! You always cried back then, like a helpless kid! You can’t be like that anymore, since you are now All Might’s Successor and A Hero, so stop crying! You’re not allowed to cry anymore!

Do you see what I’m getting at here? Izuku continuously represses these emotions as he gets stronger because he connects them to when he was quirkless. If you associate certain behaviors and emotions with how you were during a vulnerable and traumatic time in your life, you’re going to want to shove those emotions down so you don’t repeat what happened back then [in this case, Izuku sees himself being vulnerable as weak, and he saw himself as weak when he was quirkless, so he’s trying not to be vulnerable anymore].

And the scary thing is, now, we can even see the hatred in real time. I’m sure there are other examples in the manga, but one scene is very prominent in my mind, and it’s this one

Izuku is so incredibly strong now, he has saved many people, but he still can’t view himself as anything other than “useless” or “helpless” unless he powers through death itself just to break himself more. He almost feels like he HAS to do that in order to be seen as worthy, for himself and others. When he’s struggling, bleeding and heavily injured, he yells at himself as if it’s all his fault.

It’s not about whether he’s aware he’s actively dying or not. To him, being worthless and useless is infinitely worse than dying.

Actually, the way Izuku practically yells at himself in this panel reminds me of when he was walking home in chapter 1 after his chat with All Might [shown above when talking about All Might’s impact]

There are two translated versions of this actually that ring alarm bells in my head. There is the panel already pictured above, but I chose this panel too because I simply think it hits harder

“Don’t cry! You knew already, right?! This is reality...”

In either translation, he’s chiding himself. For crying. For being emotional.

And once again, I totally think this stems from emotional neglect. Trying not to get too personal here, but I know what this feels like, and I know the effect it has had on me. I can’t be vulnerable or spill my feelings in front of people, it just feels illegal or smthg. Like it shouldn’t be done. And like... if you’re taught from an early age that, one way or another, your feelings don’t matter and that nobody is going to pay attention to you, why try, right?

Then you just begin to Not Feel Properly, and you become incapable of expressing your feelings in a healthy manner

Current examples of this?

Izuku literally not giving himself time to process anything, like worry, grief, sadness. If anything, the only emotion he gives time for is anger. And he specifically directs it at All For One, cause that’s his target. [we saw little bits of this in War Arc but it also applies to the current arc]

He can’t cry. He feels emotional, sure. But he never lets his tears shed.

And one last bit of evidence

I’d say most if not all of these sound about right

In conclusion I wanna hug Izuku

[mizunetzu]

wait okay i have so many ideas you have no clue- okay so basically y/n is too scared to confess to either ushijima or shinsou (you decide lol) so he just puts love notes in his locker :)) but ushijima/shinsou catches him one day so he teases him about it but he liked y/n too so he lowkey confesses and its super fluffy i- 🥺🥺 i've had this idea for so long but i have no clue where to start writing it myself lolll

Guess who...took 4 months...to do Mr. Shinsoussimps request...not me...ahahaha...what are you talking about...BUT ANYWAYS IM SO SORRY MR SHINSOU PLS TAKE THIS FIC AS MY APOLOGIES

——————

Ushijima x reader - Secret Admirer Love Letter-kun!

⚠️warnings - none

Pronouns- male, he/him

——————

(Y/n’s) hands shook as he traced the linings of his love letter.

It had a red, heart-shaped sticker on the seal flap, with the words ‘To Ushijima-san’ written in royal purple across the back. The letter had slight crinkles from the shaky grip (Y/n) held it with.

His heart raced purely thinking about how Ushijima would react. Would he even react? Or would he just look at him with that blank stare and walk past him? Would he be ridiculed for being a man giving a love letter to another man?

Every single intrusive thought made (Y/n) want to tear up the letter and flush it down a toilet. Nonetheless, he stood next to Ushijima’s locker, waiting for him to appear.

His legs shook. His heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest. He could physically feel the sweat running down his forehead. He was probably gaining stares from other students for standing near Ushijima’s locker and panicking silently.

All these ‘what-if’s’ was beginning to make (Y/n) second-guess his decision. Maybe he couldn’t do this after all...

No! He had to! He’s been harboring his feelings for Ushijima for years now, and he was getting nowhere! Even if it was rejection, and he certainly hoped it was not, he needed an answer!

Just as if right on cue, (Y/n) heard the familiar deep voice of Ushijima coming down the hall. He wasn’t saying much, but the accompanied grunts of acknowledgement to Tendou’s ramblings was enough proof it was him. Without thinking, (Y/n’s) panic took over him, shoving his love letter into Ushijima’s locker and dashing out of the way.

He blended himself in with the gaggle of students near their lockers, watching Ushijima as he opened his own locker.

“Ara?” Tendou cocked his head when the letter (Y/n) slipped in fluttered out. It landed on the floor gracefully. Ushijima bent over and plucked it off the ground.

“Our Wakatoshi~kun has a secwet admiwer?” Tendou squashed his face together and boared curious eyes into the heart-shaped sticker on the note. Ushijima grunted.

“It seems to be a love letter.” Ushijima’s low voice sent even more panic through (Y/n). He didn’t want to be there while he opened the letter. But here he was, 10 feet away from him as he carefully peeled off the heart sticker from the envelope.

Ushijima’s eyes silently scanned the letter, it’s meticulous, thought-out writing filling Ushijima’s eyes. The silence rang so, so loud to (Y/n), as he watched Ushijima read his love letter with his emotionless face.

After what seemed like forever, Ushijima lifted his head up from the note. (Y/n’s) heart stopped.

“It is a love letter.” (Y/n), and Tendou, deadpanned.

Tendou reached for the letter. “Fiiiiine, then let me see-!”

Ushijima pulled the letter away, raising it above his head and out of Tendou’s easy reach. He lowered the letter and cradled it to his chest.

“No. It’s mine.”

(Y/n’s) heart fluttered. Could this mean-?

“But it does, however, have no name.”

“Awh. Poor Wakatoshi-kun’s admirer must be rewwy shy~”

(Y/n) internally facepalmed. Of course he forgot to sign the note! Why wouldn’t he?! (Y/n) crinkled up his nose. He was still determined to get his feelings to Ushijima.

He turned around, and walked to class. The next day, for sure, he was going to give him a love letter with his signature on it this time.

——

(Y/n) stared down at his paper, then shifted his eyes to the alarm clock sitting tauntingly at his dorm room’s desk, with the bright red numbers 10:35 pm glaring so menacingly at him. Like it was telling him to hurry up and sign the new love letter he just wrote. (Y/n) re-read the letter on his desk for the 6th time that night.

Everything was perfect. It explained his feelings perfectly, explained how long he’d been smitten for him for, hell, he even doodled a small picture of Ushijima himself with a heart next to it in the corner of the page.

Everything was there, except his name.

Did he really want to put his name, though? I mean, (Y/n) saw how...endearing Ushiwaka’s face looked reading his original letter. What if he ruined that when he finds out it was him who wrote it? And not some cute girl?

(Y/n) stared at the empty space on the page where his name was supposed to go. His hand gripped his pencil tighter than he should’ve, and began to write.

‘(L/n) (Y/...’

He stopped. (Y/n) thought about it for awhile, then grabbed his eraser and scrubbed at the name until it was pristine white again.

‘Your secret admirer’

Was all he wrote.

He packaged up the note in another small envelope, pressed a cute little heart sticker to the flap, and went to bed.

——

The next day, (Y/n) made sure to rush to school early to slip the note in his locker. He wanted to see his reaction to his new note. It made him feel sorta high. What kind of face would he make? Would he be delighted? He hoped he would.

(Y/n) crammed the note into Ushiwaka’s locker. No one was around. Good. No one saw him shove the letter through, therefore no one could tell Ushijima it was him. (Y/n) sighed contently, and timpered off somewhere secluded, but somewhere he could still see Ushijima and his locker.

After scrolling on his phone for what seemed like an hour, he heard Tendou’s familiar voice, humming a strange song and trailing next to Ushijima. It was his daily indicator that Ushijima was near. If he could hear Tendou coming, almost 100% Ushijima would be there too. (Y/n) pocketed his phone quickly and peeked behind a row of lockers.

Ushijima silently unhinged his locker, listening to Tendou talk. However, they fell silent when another letter fluttered out from his locker, this time landing so perfectly in his hands.

“Ara ara? Another note from Admirer-chan?”

“Yes. But I know it’s a boy, Tendou.”

(Y/n’s) heart dropped. He watched as Ushiwaka peeled off the heart sticker once more, while continuing his conversation with Tendou.

“Oh yeah? How so?”

Ushijima stopped, and reached into his locker once more. He pulled out (Y/n’s) previous note, and pointed to a line of text scribbled on there so neatly. Tendou raised his eyebrow, and leaned down to inspect the note.

‘-Besides, there’s no way someone as amazing as you can like a guy like me. It’s weird right? I hope you don’t think it’s weird. But I wouldn’t blame you.’

“Ahhhh~ makes sense...” Tendou hooked his arms dramatically over the back of his head. “But do you? Does Wakatoshi-kun think Secret Admirer-kun is weird?”

Ushijima traced the two love letters with his eyes. “I think he’s brave.”

(Y/n) clutched his tightening chest. It suddenly became really hard to breathe. How was Ushijima being so unintentionally sweet?

Tendou cooed. “Awwww, Is our Wakatoshi-kun catching feelings for his Admirer-kun?”

Ushijima folded the two notes back into their envelopes silently. He said nothing to Tendou’s remarks, while gently placing the two love letters back into a safe spot in his locker.

(Y/n) brisk-walked away, flustered, before he could hear his answer.

——

Writing notes and hiding them in Ushijima’s locker became a sort of habit for (Y/n) in the past few weeks.

Every now and then, he’d write a short love letter signed “Your Secret Admirer” or “Admirer-kun” and slip it under Ushijima’s dorm room door or the cracks between his locker. It became an addiction of watching him unravel the note with the tenderness of an angel. For such a big dude, he held each love letter (Y/n) wrote him with such delicacy.

(Y/n) walked with a pep in his step as he arrived to the school building early, like he’d usually been doing. He’d recently been writing small letters, playground compliments like “I think you look nice today!” or “the way you play volleyball gets me all fired up!” but this was the first time in a while he wrote a good chunk of his feelings out.

At first he thought he would make Ushijima uncomfortable, but after many of his personal notes filled with the most wonderful explanations of his feelings, or rambling about dates he’d like to take him on, he’s grown more comfortable with it. Especially after seeing the teeny tiny, barely noticeable blush tinting his cheeks as he read them.

(Y/n) stopped in front of Ushiwaka’s locker. It was a familiar stop, after cramming in letter after letter inside for about a month or two now. It’s been so long that (Y/n) couldn’t even remember himself.

Just as his hand met with the cold metal locker to slip the note in, two hands slammed down on (Y/n’s) shoulders, effectively scaring him shitless.

“I’ve caught you! Secret admirer-kun!”

“Uwaaaah!”

Tendou made a show of flamboyantly pointing his lanky fingers at (Y/n), bending his back father then (Y/n) knew was possible in the process. (Y/n) jittered, swinging his hands in front of him while stuttering incoherently.

“I-it-its not-! It’s not wh-what it-! T-the letter-I was just-I-!”

“There’s no use for it now, Secret-Admirer (L/n)-kun! You’ve been caught red handed!” Tendou stuck his tongue out heartily while (Y/n) broke into a cold sweat. If Tendou kept yelling the whole damn school would hear him.

“I-I’m not the one leaving notes in Ushijima-kun’s locker! I was just-!”

“Oya? Then how did you know Wakatoshi-kun was gettin’ notes in his locker in the first place?” Tendou eyed him down half jokingly. (Y/n) sputtered.

“More importantly...” Tendou dramatically pointed to the envelope half-sticking out from the slits of Ushijima’s locker. “Whaaaaats that!?”

“That’s-!”

There was no use fighting Tendou on this. (Y/n) deflated, defeated and grasping on to the wall of lockers for support. “Uuuuu...”

“So, Secret Admirer-“

“S-stop calling me that! Just (L/n) is fine-!”

“-Secret Admirer-kun, what made you fancy our lovely Wakatoshi-kun?”

(Y/n) turned around, facing the locker as Tendou smiled his usual, Tendou-grin. (Y/n) didn’t wanna look at Tendou and his stupid knowing smirk.

“He’s just...I dunno, he’s just so-cool...and stuff...and he’s so nice...looking...”

“Ah, such sophisticated words-tell me, do you write all of this down in the letters you give him?”

“Hey!” (Y/n) whipped his head around.

Tendou chuckled, and part of (Y/n) wanted to smack him upside the head. Tendous laughter eventually died down, as he pretended to wipe a tear from his cheek. He looked back at (Y/n), who was blushing profusely and had his arms crossed.

“Phew...haha...” Tendou cleared his throat. He pointed straight at (Y/n). “Now, here’s some ultra wise words from Satori-sama!” He mimicked a fake drum roll on his lap, before pointing at (Y/n) again.

“Ja-jun~! You should Wakatoshi-kun how you feel about him!”

(Y/n’s) heart got stuck in his throat. “A-are you crazy! I could never! I-I’m not...I’m not...I’m scared..”

“Hm? But you’re not scared to write about how much you wanna kiss him alllllllll oveeeeeer-?”

“That’s different!” (Y/n) yelled, more quietly this time. He turned back to the locker, and tipped the rest of the note in sticking out inside the slit. The note disappeared through the gap, just like all of its predecessors. “Like this, I can tell him how much I love him without him knowing it was from me! What if he’s disappointed it’s me and not some other dude?”

“I’m veeeeeery sure he won’t be. But suit yourself, I guess.” Tendou shrugged. He turned around and left, but not before saying,

“But you’d better tell him yourself before he finds out from someone else.”

“Wait-what does that mea-“

(Y/n) looked back, only to find Tendou gone. (Y/n) stood there, perplexed, before dashing off to his own locker, so he wouldn’t be spotted near Ushijima’s.

——

Everyday when (Y/n) went to slip another note into Ushiwaka’s locker, Tendou’s words would ring in his mind.

‘You’d better tell him yourself before he finds out from someone else.’

He knew that. He knew that but he couldn’t stop himself from cowardly slipping notes into Ushijima’s locker, just to run and take cover as he opened them up. And one time he could swear Tendou was looking right at him in his hiding spot when Ushijima was reading one of his letter.

(Y/n) shook the thoughts from his head. That happened 3 days ago, and nothing happened. Tendou was probably just trying to scare him into telling him. Yeah. There’s no way anyone could’ve found out about him being Ushijima’s secret admirer.

He huffed and strode up to Ushijima’s locker, just like he did every time before that. No one was in the hallway. There was no footsteps, at least to (Y/n’s) knowledge, and Tendou wasn’t around with his booming voice. If (Y/n) could hear Tendou coming, chances are Ushijima was not too far behind.

Tendou wasn’t there. (Y/n) was safe. He smiled and rose the letter up to the slot in Ushijima’s locker. He slowly crammed the note in, slowly, slowly until-

Slam!

A large, calloused hand slammed against the locker, making (Y/n) jolt up in surprise. (Y/n’s) heart stopped beating. He felt someone lean against his ear, and then they whispered:

“So Tendou was right. You were the one leaving the letters in my locker.”

“Ushijima-kun-!”

(Y/n) whipped his head around by the speed of lightning, pressing himself against the locker wall as if he’d disappear into it. Stupid fucking Tendou! Of course he’d tell Ushijima!

Ushiwaka didn’t move from his spot in front of (Y/n). His arm outstretched on the wall beside (Y/n) didn’t falter either, making him blush even more. God, he wanted to disappear.

The letter, now hidden crudely behind (Y/n) sweaty back, was being smushed as he tried shrinking in on himself.

“I-I-“ (Y/n’s) mouth ran dry. “It’s not what it looks like-!”

“Hm.” Ushijima’s deep voice manage to startle (Y/n), despite being right infront of him. God, he was close. So close. He’s too close. Oh god, why is he so close?

Ushijima suddenly grabbed (Y/n’s) hand, making him sputter in surprise as Ushijima pulled it out gently. A letter with a red heart sticker on the flap was wedged in between (Y/n’s) shaky, sweaty fingers. Ushijima looked at the envelope, while (Y/n) averted his embarrassed eyes.

“...But it’s exactly what it looks like.”

Words perished in (Y/n’s) throat. If the locker would just open up and swallow him whole, now was the time.

Ushiwaka plucked the note out of (Y/n’s) hands, ignoring the small protests of (Y/n) himself. He tried to grab for the letter, but Ushijima held the envelope high above his head and grabbed at (Y/n’s) shivering wrists. (Y/n) squeaked.

“...why are you trying to grab it back if this letter was meant for me in the first place?” Ushijima looked oblivious to (Y/n’s) embarrassment. (Y/n) croaked. He didn’t even register what Ushiwaka said with how strong and warm his grip on his wrists were.

He didn’t realize Ushijima managed to peel off the heart sticker and fish out the note with his hand until he started reading the letter. His eyes scanned the words, even when (Y/n) quietly squirmed protestingly in his grasp.

“Mm.” Ushijima hummed. (Y/n’s) eyes widened when he realized what he wrote in today’s note.

‘Y’know, I think you’re really cool with how you’re so dedicated to your club. But maybe...one day we could grab a bite to eat after your club activities? Just you and me? And maybe if I’m lucky enough I just might get a kiss from the amazing Ushijima Wakatoshi-kun~’

(Y/n) wanted no more but to die then and there. Ushijima looked at (Y/n) with an unreadable gaze.

“Ah. So it seems in today’s letter, you would like to go out for food and kiss. I am free after club activities today at 6. Are you free at that time or must we reschedule?”

(Y/n) met Ushijima’s state with a confused face. He said nothing-he couldn’t say anything. All he could do was muster up a weak “w-wha..?”

“So...you are not free today...?” Ushijima’s face was normal, but he gave off the same vibe a sad, kicked puppy would. It was sorta cute. (Y/n) waved his hands around frantically in Ushijima’s grasp.

“N-no! That’s not it! I-I’m free! I’m totally free! I just-“

“You just what?” Ushijima cocked his head to the side bluntly. (Y/n) opened his mouth to say something, but let it clamp shut quietly.

(Y/n) averted his gaze. “Well...you don’t think it’s...weird that I was the one leaving you love letters?”

“But I already knew you were a man in the first place.”

“Still!” Ushijima was genuinely confused. (Y/n’s) voice died down a bit.

“Aren’t you...y’know...disappointed?”

Ushijima’s gaze never left (Y/n’s) eyes. “Why would I be disappointed?”

“I’m...w-well...it’s just...”

Ushiwaka placed his free hand on the other side of (Y/n’s) face, effectively trapping him in between his arms. Ushijima’s heavy gaze was too much to bear. (Y/n) instinctively averted his gaze away.

“You still haven’t given me a valid reason to be disappointed.”

“I-“

“You’re lovely, I believe you are very attractive, and you leave nice letters of encouragement in my locker everyday.”

“Wait-“

“I believe we both have feelings for each other. Therefore, I do not see why you are so hesitant on just doing what today’s lovely note said.”

“Ushi-“

“Is this just an excuse to turn me down? Were the letters not your true feelings? Because if so you just have to say so-“

“Ushijima-kun!”

(Y/n) rasped out between his fingers. He was covering his blushing face, and Ushijima didn’t know why until he realized his face was centimeters away from (Y/n’s). If it weren’t for (Y/n’s) hands cupping his face, they’d probably be able to kiss with one push closer.

“P-ple-please s-step back...”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Ushijima moved back, but didn’t quite move his arms from their positions on either side of (Y/n). He blinked. Silence engulfed them both, Ushijima bluntly staring at (Y/n) as he blushed and blushed into his hands.

Ushijima figured he should say something, and even open his mouth to speak when (Y/n) suddenly piped up, bringing his hands down from his face.

“I-I’m free...at 6...”

Ushijima blinked again.

“Ah. Today?”

“Yeah..!”

“Lovely. It is decided then. Will you wait for me at the gym after practice? If not I can pick you up from your dorm room.”

(Y/n) fought the urge to pinch his arm to see if he was dreaming or not. “I-I can meet you at the gym!”

Ushijima smiled gently, and that’s probably the first time (Y/n’s) seen him smile ever. It was so coaxing, relaxed and warm, (Y/n) wanted to take of picture of it and just stare at it for days. Ushijima let his hands fall to his sides. Not before giving a pat to (Y/n’s) head.

“It is decided then. It’s a date.”

(Y/n) had to remind himself to thank Tendou later.

——————

Lowkey this was so fun to write~ why don’t y’all leave some love in the comments because of that~~?

[panic-at-the-fiction]

True Love’s Kiss

Summary: Jefferson loves his family but when Regina puts (y/n) under a sleeping curse he risks it all to save her only to end up separated from them for more than 28 years. Also shout out to @fangirltrash15 for asking for this fic. I know you didn’t ask me specifically but I hope you like it.

Warnings: Spell check? We don’t know her!

A/N: This is the longest story I have ever written in one sitting and I loved writing it. I honestly love writing for Jefferson. He’s such and untapped potential for fanfiction and I blame that for his lack of screen time which I blame on the fact that he was dating Jennifer Morrison and they broke up so I guess it was weird for him to be on the show but there was a wonderland spin off and there is no reason he shouldn’t have been on that.

Jefferson was making his way down the street like he did every night. Only stopping outside the Tea Grove cafe to look through its window on the other side of the street where he couldn’t be seen. He watched as the young woman in the store turned off the open sign and began to sweep away at the floors. He just loved walking by her store to watch her close up at night. He knew he could never talk to her. In this life she didn’t know him and he couldn’t tell her what he knew because knowing was the worst curse.

The enchanted forest.

(Y/n) was running through the forest. Dodging every tree she could and jumping over the big roots of trees that stuck out of the ground. She ran until she eventually found a hollow tree to hide in. She did her best to remain silent while she caught her breath but her hiding place must not have been good enough...

“I found you!” Said the little blonde as she popped her head into the tree (y/n) had hidden herself in.

“So you did sweet Grace,” she laughed “at least tell me you found your father first.” (Y/n) climbed her way out of the tree and finally stood up.

“She did.” Said a slight grumpy voice from behind the tree.

“Oh well good, that means at least I didn’t lose.” (Y/n) said smiling and laughing at the handsome man who was leaning against the tree.

“Just because grace found me first does not mean I lost.” He huffed.

“It kind of does,” He rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, admit it, you're just upset that you lost to a girl at hide and seek. Come on admit I beat you.” She said teasing him and pointing at his chest.

“Ok find you beat me, you always do.” He laughed.

“Damn straight.” (Y/n) said finally getting close enough to Jefferson to throw her arms around his shoulders and pull him down for a quick kiss. Making a mental note that grace was still there.

She had been living with Grace and Jefferson for a couple of years now but she was always sure to keep things g-rated around Grace. Especially since she wasn’t Grace’s actual mother, though she loved Grace no less, (y/n) knew she could never fully replace her like that.

“Come on papa let’s go back to the house and have our tea party.”

“Of course my dear Grace,” Jefferson said holding his hand out for his little girl. Grace took her fathers hand and then offered her other hand for (y/n).

Present day.

(Y/n) finished locking up the store and turned to head toward her car. It was pouring down rain and as she opened her umbrella a gust of wind blew it out of her hand and down the street. She quickly chased after it down the road. She paid no attention to the road as cars tried to swerve around her. As she made it to the other side of the road she ran down the sidewalk never getting much closer to her umbrella till a strange man finally caught it and walked over to her.

He set the umbrella straight and held it over her head. “You uh... dropped this I think.”

“Thank you, so much really.”

He seemed nervous or even panicked. She had never seen him around before which was so strange for this small town. “Here I’ll walk you to your car.”

They both walked back up the street till they reached her car. He helped her get in and handed her the umbrella. “Thank you so much, uh I actually don’t know your name.”

“Jefferson,” he said with pain on his face.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Jefferson, I’m (y/n). I guess you’re sorta like my knight in shining armor tonight aren’t you? You really saved me out there.” She laughed.

He frowned at the ground before looking at the girl in the car again. “Trust me I’m no knight and you didn’t need my saving.” He said before walking away from the car.

The enchanted forest

After having visited the market that evening with Grace, (y/n) came back home to find the queen's Carriage sitting by their house. (Y/n) bent down to her knees so she was at eye level with the young girl. “Wait, stop Grace. We should hang out in the woods for a bit ok? We can play our game for a while.” She smiled at the little girl.

“Who’s at the house with papa?” She questioned being the smart girl she was.

“I think it’s the Queen.”

“The Queen, at our house. What does she want? Shouldn’t we go inside and check on papa?”

(Y/n) rubbed up and down Grace’s arms. “No sweetie. Me and your father made a deal a long time ago that if our past ever came back that one of us would stay with you. He doesn’t want you to ever be alone. Ok? So for now let’s go into the woods and play our game. Your father can handle this.” She smiled.

After spending sometime in the forest the girls walked back to the house. This time with no carriage in sight. When they went inside they found Jefferson sitting at the table in the kitchen contemplating the box in front of him.

“Papa!” Grace ran and hugged her father.

“You're both back late. Did you enjoy yourselves at the market?”

“Yes we did but when we got home we saw the queen's carriage so we stayed and played in the woods for a while.”

“Oh I see. Grace why don’t you go play in your room while I talk to (y/n) for a moment.” She smiled and ran off to her room.

(Y/n) frowned and set down beside Jefferson. “What did the Queen want?”

“She wanted me to portal jump.” He said running his hands through his hair.

(Y/n) began to rub calming circles on his back, “and what did you tell her?”

“I told her I didn’t do that anymore. I have a family now.”

“And so she just left?”

“Yeah I think so.”

“ I doubt that she doesn’t have a plan to come back.”

“I know. When Regina wants something she’ll get it. Whatever the cost.” (Y/n) rest her head on his shoulder.

“Is that why you brought out your hat? Incase she comes back?”

“I don’t know. I just keep thinking maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just do one more job. We wouldn’t have to worry about money ever again. You and Grace wouldn’t have to live so poorly.”

“Jefferson, me and Grace are just happy with the life we have. We don’t need money to be afamily and we need you here. With us.”

He smiled faintly and kissed the top of her head. This was why he needed (y/n) she reminded him of why he put that hat away. He belonged here.

A couple of days later

It was getting late and (y/n) still wasn’t back from the market. She left hours ago and it was almost supper time. She should be back by now and Jefferson was beginning to worry.

With the sun beginning to set he grabbed his hat and told Grace to go stay at the neighbors house till either he or (y/n) came home. He knew they had once said that in times like these one of them would always stay with Grace but he needed to bring (y/n) back home.

He knew exactly where she was; he didn’t need to look. He quickly made his way to the queen's castle and by nightfall he marched through the doors. No guards stopped him so obviously he was in the right place and the Queen wanted him here.

He finally reached the queen's quarters and tossed his hat bose on to the floor. “Here that damned hat Regina, now where’s (y/n)!”

“Calm down mister Jefferson. We both know that I don’t know how to use that hat without ending up somewhere useless. Only you know how to use it properly. It’s useless to me but if you're looking for your little girlfriend I’m sure I can help you with that.” She stood up from her seat and walked over to the middle of the room where Jefferson stood.

She waved her hand and a mirror appeared. “Here this will show you anyone you wish to see.”

He cautiously took the mirror from Regina and held it in his hands and thought of (y/n). The mirror in the cloud of smoke showed through a picture of (y/n), she appeared to be unconscious, almost appearing to be dead.

“What did you do to her!”

“She’s fine Hatter. She’s only sleeping.”

“Wake her, I know you can!”

“Well of course I can but why would I do that? Not to worry though, if you want to wake her on your own all you have to do is give her true love's kiss.” Jefferson's face dropped. “That is if you believe in your true love?”

“I love (y/n)”

“Yes but is it good enough? I mean does she truly love you? All you can offer her is a small house with little money and a daughter who's not even hers.”

“And what do you want? What would I have to do in exchange for you waking her?” He said through gritted teeth.

“Like I said before. I want to go to wonderland of course.

Present day.

Jefferson set alone in his house like always, using his telescope to check on his family. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about (y/n) since he last saw her on the street.

Ever since Emma came to town he’s had this annoying hope that maybe she could break this curse and he could be with his family again. He knew it wouldn’t be that easy though. He abandoned his family many years before the curse, who says they would want him back now. Besides, Emma was convinced in not believing in magic. He tried to show her and despite all his proof she didn’t believe him.

As he peered through his telescope he spotted a glitter in the sky. It seemed as though it was moving closer like a wavy. Before he could even process it the wave washed over him. At first he felt nothing, like nothing was different but he looked back through his telescope this timing aiming it at the town square. He could see everyone coming out of their shops and houses and hugging and reuniting with people on the streets. He couldn’t believe it, there was no way this was possible. They were waking up.

Jefferson passed back and forth through his whole house. This was all he had waited for for 28 years, even longer when counting the time he spent in wonderland. But he couldn’t muster up the courage to go find his family. He finally forced himself to go outside onto the street. Families and reunited loved ones pass him all around. He slowly made his way down the street but not long after the first wave he saw another come toward him. This one was like smoke, purple smoke. No one had time to cover for shelter but as soon as it covered the street it was gone. Everyone began to panic but he knew what this was. He had been a dabler of magic; he could feel it here.

Pain rang through him as he thought of what would happen now that magic was in town. He quickly ran down the street toward the little tea shop he had passed millions of times before. When he finally reached the shop there was a small crowd of customers who crowded around the entrance. As he approached the crowd and tried to push passed through them, he heard a familiar voice.

“Papa!”

“Grace, my darling” he hugged his little girl as hard as he could, too scared to let her go.

“I was going to find you but (y/n) found me first. She was fine but when the smoke came by she collapsed. I don’t know what’s wrong with her papa.” He did his best to calm the girl and then stood up and pushed the crowd away to finally reach (y/n).

“No no no, this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. You were supposed to be fine in this world.” He knelt beside (y/n) and held her unconscious form in his arms.

“We tried to help her but we can’t tell what’s wrong with her. Someone already called 911.” Said some man in the crowd.

“They won’t do her any good. This is a magic problem and it needs a magic solution.” He snapped. He tuned the rest of them out as they all stood around them. He leaned his forehead down to hers as he brushed some hair out of face. “(Y/n) if you can hear me… I I need you to wake up. Ok?” He paused for a second but she didn’t move. He closed his eyes and pressed a small kiss to her forehead.

(Y/n) eyes flew open and she jumped as she quickly awoke from her sleep. She looked around her and saw Jefferson and sweet Grace by her side. She smiled, finally being able to remember them after seeing them everyday but never truly seeing them. She cupped Jefferson's cheek with her hand and smiled. “How did you know that would work?”

He laughed slightly as he took her hand and placed a kiss in her palm. “I didn’t.” He swiftly pulled her into a passionate kiss with all the love he could conjure. “I love you”

(Y/n) smiled, “I love you too”

Jefferson pulled his family into a hug as they all sat on the floor. He had been dreaming of this day for too long. “Let’s go home” he said smiling at his small family.

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

Hi love!! Can I request: reader has been in love with Spencer for a long time and when she hears about Maeve she’s heartbroken and decides to leave the BAU. Maybe she comes back years later and they reconnect?? Angsty but fluffy if you feel me 🥲

Opportunities

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: none

MASTERLIST

———-

“You’d rather stare at him from afar than tell him how you really feel” JJ broke me out of my trance and by trance I mean, me ogling at boy genius who was finishing up a report

“JJ you and I both know that’s not gonna happen anytime soon”

“Ladies I have news!” Blake came up to our desks with Penelope right on her heels. They took both of our arms and pulled us far away from Derek and Spencer

“What’s going on?”

“Spencer has a girlfriend” my heart broke at that new piece of information, I quickly shrugged off any hints of sadness before they could notice but JJ knew I was crushed

“It’s cute really, on the case we wrapped up he asked me to take him to a pay phone so he could call her, said it’s their way of communication” as Blake went on I kept chewing on the inside of my cheeks

“Y/N a word please” Aaron walked passed us summoning me to his office

“Someone’s in trouble” they teased as I followed after the brooding man

All I could think about was Spencer having a girlfriend who wasn’t me. We’re both close and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship over my stupid crush on him

“Shut the door behind you” Aaron ordered and I did taking a seat on one of his lounge chairs

“You wanted to see me”

“There’s a job opening in our Los Angeles Intelligence division and they’ve requested you for the job” 

“Hotch you know I don’t want to leave this team right”

“I know you don’t but this is a great opportunity for you” sighing I looked to the window and saw the prying eyes of the others, Spencer didn’t bother to hide like the others as he stood there

I can’t stay here as much as I want to I can’t, for the past eight years I’ve been too busy pining over Spencer that I hadn’t thought about having to leave the BAU at some point. The timing of this transfer request couldn’t have been better

“What do you think I should do?” the raven haired man interlocked his fingers looking intently at me 

“It doesn’t matter what I think”

“Your opinion matters to me” 

“I think you should take it, try something new”

“Well then, it looks like I have some boxes to get packing” we sat there looking at each other for a couple seconds before pushing ourselves to our feet

“The BAU would always be your home” he pulled me into a hug and I gladly accepted it 

“I know, thanks for being the best Unit Chief I know”

“I’m the only Unit Chief that you know” laughing we broke apart, glancing at the window I saw the confused on lookers dying to know what was happening

“I’ll let them know that you’re taking the transfer” he dismissed me and I left his office ready to face the inevitable

“What was that about he hugged you, Hotch hugged you, in his office, the door was closed” Penelope rambled holding onto my forearm

“I’m transferring”

They froze, trying to process what I just told them. Derek started shaking his head, JJ sighed, Penelope was on the verge of tears, Blake leaned on the railing, Rossi patted my shoulder and Spencer, he was pouting, hands stuffed into his pockets

“You can’t leave”

“I have to”

———

4 YEARS LATER

The elevator doors slid opened and I headed to the bullpen, the box with my belongings in hand. I immediately noticed the group of agents gathered around JJ’s desk, there were two new faces in the mix.

“Looking good Anderson” smirking I looked down at the familiar face who was quick to welcome me back with a hug

“No way, it’s good to see you again” we exchanged pleasantries and I placed my items on the empty desk nearby before heading over to the group

“What’s a lady gotta do around here to get your attention?” smiling I crossed my arms as Penelope, JJ and Spencer rushed towards me. The tall genius scooped me up in his arms and spun me around causing me to giggle

“Oh my gosh you’re back!” Penelope pulled me into her arms as soon as my feet hit the ground and JJ joined in

“I missed you guys” my eyes locked on Spencer’s new style, he grew his curls out, he has stubble on his chin and his smile, damn his smile still has an affect on me

“Are you visiting?”

“Actually....”

“She’s transferred back to the BAU, welcome home Y/N” Aaron walked over and wrapped me in hug

“It’s so good to be back. Wait, where’s tall, dark and handsome and Emily?” I asked looking up at him

“Derek’s a father now and after what he’s been through the past couple months he decided that it was time to leave. Emily is in London running Interpool”

Derek’s a dad, that’s amazing

“Sounds like they’re doing just fine”

Spencer and I locked eyes as the others stood there talking about Garcia’s apparent distaste for one of the new agents

“Agents Alvez, Lewis, this is Agent Y/L/N” Hotch introduced me to the new faces and they held out their hands for me to shake

“Pleasure to meet you both”

“We’ve heard a lot about you” Luke said stuffing his hands in his pockets

“Good things I hope”

“Dr Reid made sure they were all good” the team laughed and I couldn’t help but smile at the blush overtaking Spencer’s cheeks. They picked up on our little moment and started walking away

“You talk about me?”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay, I kinda sorta spoke highly of you, all of you in L.A. actually” we stood there just staring at each other and just like all those years ago, I felt myself slowly falling for him all over again

Damn you Dr Spencer Reid

“I missed you”

“I missed you too”

[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

the hues of an empty sky

Missing memories, or having two of them for one moment - not quite the same, but if there's one thing Jay's leant over the last few weeks, it's that literally nothing makes sense anymore.

Or, some Skybound aftermath, Zane actually expressing emotions about his memory switch being turned off for all those years, and what was supposed to be a 'they tell everyone about the erased timeline' fic, but it turned into a 'two characters who barely interact on screen talk at like one am in the morning, and don't actually tell the other what exactly they're alluding to the whole time' fic that I wrote at like one am- 

Also yeah, I realized too late that they split up to look for Wu after s7, we’re just gonna pretend that they waited a few days or something, idk anymore tbh, lol.

(I also didn't have time to edit - so please tell me where the typos are? 😂💛)

Word count: 4539

Prompt: crying, from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Trigger warnings: the main character has a panic attack, and squeezes their fingernails into their hands once or twice but I think that's it.

*facepalms* also, guys, i’m so stupid - i literally just realized that this freaking CHANGES TENSE HALFWAY OHMYGOSH I-  i don’t think it’s super noticeable, but ugh, apologies to anyone who actually thought my writing was good lol-

---

It's cold.

Bitterly, freezing cold.

The biting chill of the air is a bit strange for this time of year, but, heck, that's nowhere near the craziest thing that's ever happened to him - not by a long shot.

He sighs, squinting at the stars dotted liberally against the black canvas of the sky.

Cole had once joked that one of them might be the remains of their golden weapons, after they'd hurled the burning mass into the sky - in another alternate timeline; one that only existed in the memories of a certain few.

Gosh - that seemed like such a long time ago.

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to that time, when he'd still thought that their powers were the coolest thing ever - instead of despising them for all the responsibility and sacrifice that came with them? When one of his biggest worries was whether the girl he had a crush on liked him back - not wondering if his friends would survive the night?

"I did not expect to find you awake at this hour, Jay."

Reflexivity, he jumps back, his mind twisting his friend's gentle voice into the- the djin's triumphant, accented one.

You're supposed to be a ninja. What good are you if your friends can still sneak up on you?

"Geez, warn a guy before you sneak up on him! I almost fell off the Bounty!"

"My apologies. I was... surprised to find you awake at this hour," Zane answers. "What are you doing?" "Couldn't sleep. It's too cold," he confesses, not entirely a lie. Ninjago wasn't 'that' far from the Sea of Sand, but he'd grown up in a much warmer area - unfortunately resulting in his practically nonexistent tolerance to the cold. That never failed to stop Kai from teasing him about it, though. He doesn't mention the pressing weight on his chest, almost tangible - or how it constantly makes him feel. Like he's being dragged through the darkness of an empty sky, spikes of fear making everything so freaking terrifying- "You?"

"I have been analyzing my memories of Pixal, in the hope that it may lead me to her whereabouts. However, all my efforts have proved... unsuccessful," Zane answers wearily, shifting his gaze to the sky.

Oh- oh. They'd all be so caught up in the chaos of the last few weeks - hey, it's not like any of them had asked the universe to permanently be out to get them! - that they'd forgotten Pixal was still offline.

"Hey, I'm sure that she's still there somewhere," he says, earnestly. "After all - she wouldn't be your girlfriend if she didn't pull a vanishing act every now and again, eh?"

The question is punctuated with a laugh, but he doesn't say that he's a little worried about her too. They hadn't talked much, but-

I can't see one of my best friends find out that his girlfriend is dead, a quiet voice at the back of his mind points out. Well - been there, done that, wouldn't recommend, he thinks bitterly. Emotional breakdowns and frequent nightmares apply. Anxiety attacks are half off, too!

It's quiet for a few minutes, neither of them seeing a need to break the silence. The wind blows softly through the sails above them; gray wisps of cloud revealing a pale sliver of moonlight that paints the sky in its glow.

It should be a peaceful night: beautiful, calm, no one trying to kill them or destroy their city - for a change.

His hands won't stop shaking.

It should be a peaceful night, but, as usual, the world is too freaking unfair for that-

He hasn't even slept for a full night in weeks! Well, not since- since-

Don't think about it! That's only going to make it worse, duh-

"Are you alright, Jay?"

"Yeah- I- I'm good, thanks," he says quickly, ignoring the way his breathing keeps speeding up. FSM, not this-

Not for the first time, the world suddenly becomes too loud - too much. Every little thing, from trying to breathe properly or even walk- feels insurmountable, because, gosh, oh gosh, it's going to come crashing down if he even moves-

The memory starts off the same as it always does.

Rubble strewn over the temple grounds, his friends literally reduced to nothing more than statues. A shot that hit the mark perfectly, but perfectly shattered his world in the process.

A poison-splattered dress, a terrifying realization.

Her well-aimed joke, but one that never fails to sting every time. Gosh, why hadn't they just allowed her to join their team in the first place? Maybe they could've prevented this- this- whole situation, if they hadn't been so freaking egotistical-

And, again, he's overwhelmed by the sheer sense of helplessness, all his power and training and skills completely useless to one of the people he cared most about. FSM, if only I hadn't used my first w-request so carelessly! If only I'd been able to escape- or, or if only I'd been able to assemble the team faster! If only-

Despite being in what must've been unimaginable pain, she offers a strained smile - a sweet gesture that, ironically, feels like she's poisoning him, because- because FSM, this is all so wrong, it wasn't supposed to end like this-

He watches with horror as her eyes dull and she stills in his arms.

She's gone, FSM, she's gone and it's all my fault-

"Jay?" a voice asks, concern evident in their tone. Distantly, he registers that he's having a breakdown in front of one of his best friends - one of the things he'd been trying really hard to avoid.

Dang it.

"I-" he tries to say, but, great, he's breathing too fast to even get the stupid words out.

"Breathe in for four seconds," Zane says, softly.

Four seconds? Time has no meaning right now, narrowed down to, like - falling down a chasm, terrified of what's at the bottom, except the fear's all around, this- this... foreboding thing of his mind that keeps yelling that he needs to run, or fight, but he can't, can't-

Right. Four seconds.

You're okay, you're fine, no one's trying to hurt you or your friends. She's not dead.

But what if- what if they're being dragged out of this ship right now? What if it was all a dream, and she's dead anyway, because all of us were too stupid to come up with another plan, and none of us could even do anything when she-

After a little while, when he could breathe a little easier, and the fear didn't feel like it was slamming into him from every possible direction, he slowly opened his eyes. Shakily, he wiped a tear from his face - as if that would wipe away all the weeks that had, theoretically, never even freaking happened.

The sky comes back into focus - pinpricks of light against pitch black. 

How was he going to come up with some sorta explanation without... well, explaining everything?

Great.

My nerves are frayed, and I have to lie to a walking lie detector - what could possibly go wrong?

"Are you alright?" Zane asks, his brows creased in concern.

"Heh heh, yeah. Probably just too many video games," he replies quickly, laughter a bit strained.

"You were muttering to yourself," his friend replies quietly. Ugh, trust the way-too-observant-nindroid to call him out on the remains of his facade. "If you do not mind me asking, what was 'all your fault'? I am sure that it was probably a misunderstanding."

You're the one who misunderstands everything, he thinks wearily, ignoring the part of him that yearns to tell someone else about... well, everything that's happened because of that stupid teapot. He's not one to keep secrets by nature, and it's been taking a bigger toll of him than he'd thought it would. Is this how Nya felt when she was still the Samurai? "It's- it's nothing, probably just nonsense."

"Are you sure? You seem... quite worried about something."

Dang it, were his hands still shaking? He presses his fingernails into his palms, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.

He's talking to one of his best friends, FSM. Weren't friends able to tell each other anything?

"Do you think it's easier to forget? Better?"

He didn't even realize he'd asked a question until Zane's eyes widened in surprise.

A forest coated in snow, ice crystals dangling from the tree branches above their heads. Plenty of screaming - way too much, he reflects, couldn't they have been a bit nicer? It must've been pretty jarring to learn that you weren't human, or that your father had erased years of your life from your mind - in that weird underground treehouse. Those crazy tree monsters - and the realization that they all had much more power than they'd thought.

"N- nevermind," he stutters, fleetingly thinking of kicking the deck. "That's way too personal, you don't have to answer it-"

"I do not mind," Zane says, a bit sadly.

Oh.

Heck, his friend was way too nice.

They gaze up at the stars for a few minutes, not really seeing them - one drowning under the weight of too many secrets, the other, too many memories.

It's quiet - too quiet.

Ugh, he thinks, sighing, that sounds like something a low-budget horror movie would start with, cringey sound effects to match.

But the silence is a painful reminder of the days he'd spent tossing and turning in a cramped cell - nothing but his worries and the bruises on his leg from that stupid ball and chain keeping him awake.

He's been trying hard - maybe too hard - to avoid being alone, avoid being in a situation where they've gotta be quiet ever since then, because, dang it, his memories always seem to fill the silence, and they're always far more terrifying than they should be-

It's easier, in a way, to be mocked for his stupid jokes than it is to relive a single moment from those nightmarish few weeks.

Almost reflexively, he grasps for something to fill the quiet.

"Heh, this is a bit awkward. It's okay if you wanna leave-"

"I do not mind," Zane echoes, walking a bit closer. "It is not as if I need to sleep. But... I do not quite know what to think of your question."

There comes the answer - or a semblance of one at least, and it's the last thing he'd been expecting.

"You don't know?" he blurts out before he can even think of trying to filter the thought. Way to treat your friend who's been nothing but kind to you, Jay. "But you're- you're a nindroid! You know everything-"

"Pixal," his friend mutters softly, sighing, and the hurt, the fear, laced through the word makes something in his heart practically twist. He knows all too well what it feels like to be in that situation - even if, technically, it had never happened.

Then- "I wish that were true. But I suppose that my emotions make certain situations much more complicated than... than they need to be. Thus I cannot give my perspective on this - or, at least, without sounding quite conflicted."

"You know that you're allowed to be conflicted, right? Even the coolest Nindroids don't know everything."

"...Yes, I suppose so."

Jay frowns at the almost subconscious hesitation, eyebrows creasing in concern.

"Seriously," he starts earnestly. They're both leaning on one of the railings just above the deck now. "Just 'cause you're a nindroid doesn't mean that you've gotta chase some kind of perfection that doesn't even exist."

He doesn't miss how Zane's eyes widen in shock, their bright blue hue glowing a little brighter - and heck, if that doesn't hurt even more than the earlier realization.

"Besides - it's not like none of us haven't made mistakes before. Hate to go all Wu on ya, but they help us learn or some stupid thing like that. Even if the mistake is trying not to make 'em, you know?"

"Thank you," Zane replies, a tired smile on his face. "Even the most advanced tech is susceptible to error, I suppose."

They've all made lots of mistakes, heaven forbid if one of them is still agonizing over messing up over the crazy situations the universe constantly put them in. It's not like they were told they'd have to face more ancient evil armies than they could count, were they?

Maybe it's time to stop focusing on events that never even happened, and pay more attention to your friends. What's the point of being part of this team if you're always scared or selfish?

"Shut up," he mumbles, rubbing his temples. What's the point of fighting if your own brain is gonna fight you whenever it gets a chance? A few seconds later, he schools his face back into his default anxious grin. "Great, cause I- I- could use your advice on something." "Alright," comes the quiet reply, his friend seemingly lost in thought.

"What if you wanted to tell someone something, but you couldn't?"

His breathing starts to speed up again, but he grips the deck until his fingers are practically bruised, stark white against his tanned skin. Not this time-

"Is this what you were referring to earlier? An event that you blamed yourself for?" Zane asks, eyes flitting between the floor and the sky.

Dang it, way too observant as usual. He masks his surprise with a laugh, but the conversation definitely isn't going as planned and, oh gosh oh gosh, what if-

No, there's no way that any of them would even believe that. Besides - no one can remember stuff that they've forgotten, especially if magic's at play.

"Yeah, kinda," and he's surprised by how steady his voice sounds. It's not easy to even think about that- event, talking about it is a whole different thing. A much more difficult thing, but also - a bit, a little bit, easier. "I-" "Apologies for interrupting," his friend interjects. "I suppose that I have not been entirely honest with you." What?

"A few days ago, I discovered a number of deleted memory files buried deep within my code."

Just like that, his whole world tilts out from underneath him.

It takes every ounce of his strength to keep himself from falling into the abyss again.

Wait, what?

Has he really known for all this time? It's been weeks! Surely he would've said something? It can't be, it never even-

The rational part of his mind points out that he can remember every day of those few weeks. Well, he was the one to make the wish - magical logic is kinda stupid, but maybe that's why he had to remember it or something?

Well then, a small voice interjects, why was Nya cursed to remember everything too?

Of course, even the stupid magical logic doesn't even make sense to the one who caused this whole mess in the first place.

"They were almost entirely corrupted - scrambled in a way that I am not familiar with. However, I did realize that certain files bore dates that have not even occurred yet. I dismissed it as a problem with my code, however..."

Breathe, calm down, it's not like he was able to process them or anything-

We agreed that no one was supposed to know! What if they end up blaming us for keeping it a secret this long, or, or-

"I mean, they could've been-" he starts, but the way in which he's nervously twisting his fingers is a pretty clear indication that he's lying, dang it.

"So when you mentioned that you were unable to tell someone something - did you mean that it was because they had quite literally forgotten about it?"

Great. Fantastic. Of course the literal robot has pieced it together by now-

He squeezes his eyes shut for a minute, hoping that if he ignores the problem, maybe it'll go away.

Okay, fine, maybe he's trying to figure out a way to fix this whole mess. Doesn't mean that he's any closer to coming up with a solution, though.

"Er, yeah," he whispers, shoulders slumped, eyes still firmly shut. Because gosh, he doesn't want to - can't, can't - see the realization dawn that, yeah, he's lied to people he's known for years and years, even though they've all seen way too many times that secrets bring nothing but trouble-

"Well, then - I would say that you don't have to tell them," Zane replies, surprisingly... earnestly? That, or he's either too freaked out to understand the tone properly. Could be either.

He opens his eyes, hesitantly.

And it comes as a bit of a shock to find nothing but concern reflected in his friend's.

The almost persistent weight on his chest feels a little lighter now, like the sky isn't as quite so empty.

Well, it still kinda is. But that doesn't hold as much weight as he'd thought it did - not if one of his friends is willing to look past that; past the heaviness of holding up all those memories with nothing his single star, flickering in and out of the darkness, to try and light the unforgiving darkness of the sky.

"Why?" Jay asks, so quietly he can barely hear it himself. "Don't I owe it to them? Do you?"

"No. Definitely not," comes the reply, so full of conviction that he almost stumbles back. Why-

"My father..."

Oh- oh.

"thought it was better to spare me the pain of mourning him than for me to know who I was," Zane confesses, hesitantly. "Not that I disagree, necessarily. I just..."

He trails off, clutching the railing so hard that the wood almost snaps beneath his titanium fingers.

It takes Jay a little while to realize why - why exactly his friend, who has access to a wealth of knowledge and information, is grasping for an answer. Because- because, well, even if someone does something in your best interests - sometimes the choice isn't always up to them. Or maybe it is, but it was... difficult, to say the least, to let go of the fact that his parents had never told him the truth sooner. Not that he blames them, necessarily - it's not like they knew that his father would pass on before he'd even get the chance to meet him - but... it's confusing, and difficult, not to know why you were left at a junkyard as soon as you were born. Maybe if he'd known that sooner, he could've asked the one person who might've had answers - although it's not like hoping for the past to change will actually change it.

They don't even know that you know, a small voice at the back of his mind points out, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense-

"You wanted a choice," he breathes, eyes widening. A choice - like one that he'd never been given, one that he stills struggles not to hold against two people who've always had his best interests at heart. Even if they did have the right to withhold that one thing, after all they've done for him - the 'what if's' still echo in his mind far more often than he'd like. "There's nothing wrong with that, even if it feels that way. I kinda get where you're coming from, dude, and it's... super confusing, but I'd be pretty mad if my memories were tampered with like that."

So would anyone, he realizes, heart sinking. Oh, great. Not helping-

"I- I suppose so?" Zane answers, but it sounds more like a question than a reply. "However, in the same vein, it would be unwise for you to give away your choice whilst you still have one." "But don't I owe it to everyone? You just said it, it's horrible to alter people's memories and I- I-" "Did we forget... whatever it was for a good reason? "I- I mean, I guess, but..." "Then you do not owe it to us to relive something that we do not even remember." The words should be a relief - and they kinda are. But some part of him really does want to explain the crazy alternate timeline, and everything that happened in it. It's just... really, really freaking difficult.

"What if- what if I wanted to, though?" Jay asks hysterically, running his hands through his hair in a frenzied sort of way. "And I still couldn't? I just, I-"

He cuts himself off with a bout of forced laughter.

Zane takes a moment to reply, the bright blue light in his eyes flickering - a small tell that he was thinking so deeply, his processors were literally sparking up a bit.

"You queried earlier if it was easier, or better, to forget. And while all situations are different, I suppose it is... well, subjective. What do you think?" Zane asks, softly.

Derailing the conversation a bit, but his friend's obviously smart enough to be leading up to something.

Sure, he'll go along with it.

"I mean, there are some things I'd rather forget, you know? I guess we all know what that feels like," Jay replies, the statement with oddly sad air to it. They're still kids, after all, and it gets a bit exhausting pretending that their superhero lives were all fun and games - when they'd just given him enough grey hair to last then lifetimes, and enough nightmares to keep him from ever getting the normal amount of sleep his mum always prattled on about.

Sleep, heh heh. Practically a foreign concept, now.

"And I know that stuff that happens, like shapes us or something - and Master Wu would probably go off on a whole ramble about why we learn from our mistakes or whatever," he laughs nervously, resisting the urge to just fall headfirst onto the deck of the stupid ship instead of continuing the conversation," and how 'our scars only make us stronger', crap like that, but I just-"

"I'm just really... tired of this," he confesses warily, shoulders slumped. "W- I remember so many horrible things, and I-" he breaks off, laughing bitterly. His voice takes on a sort of brittle quality, way too high pitched, "and I can't even talk about them, dude. If that's not the most pathetic thing ever, I dunno what is."

"It does not-"

"Don't say it," Jay mutters, rubbing his temples. "I know, I know, my feelings aren't pathetic, they're always valid, whatever, spare me the lecture-"

"That is not what I was going to say," Zane replies gently. "It just seems that you have answered your own question."

"Gee, which one?"

"I do not know how much helpful assistance I can provide in this situation, but it is understandable to wish certain events had never occurred. However, seeing as we cannot change the past, it seems unwise to dwell on said events if you can avoid it."

Jay stiffens, clamping a shaky hand over his mouth. Something seems to press down even harder on his chest, a heavy sort of weight that causes his breathing to speed up again. Don't say it don't say it there's no reason to warn them this time-

"If you would like to tell any of us about something, of course you are welcome to. It does not to be the whole story, after all. Just make sure that it is the decision you choose, not one you choose because of what you think how it will affect others," Zane finishes quietly, ducking his head as if he's embarrassed.

The stars are still white-hot, burning away some million miles above them.

"Thanks," he says, and puts his hand softly on Zane's shoulder. "I mean, I know - that all makes sense, I guess. It's just- I-"

"You want to?"

"Yeah," Jay starts, sighing, "I do. It's just- it's not just my choice. And I'm pretty much dying already right now, so, as fantastic as making it all worse sounds, hard pass."

Oops, maybe he shouldn't have said that last bit. They'd agreed not to tell anyone about it - even this conversation was cutting it way too close. It wasn't impossible for them to put everything together - they were a pretty smart group, after all, even without their resident inventor and engineer - and Jay didn't really know what he'd think if they did. Fearful? Relieved? Angry?

"That does... not sound great? Dying certainly does not seem-"

"It's called sarcasm, Zane."

"Oh- yes. My memory now accesses the fact that people often speak in that manner. It does seem a bit counterproductive, though. Why not just say what you mean?"

"Shut it, you have no clue how integral to my life it is," Jay replies with a halfhearted grin.

A few seconds later, he remembers something his friend had mentioned earlier, and the grin disappears.

"You know that you can talk to us if you're not happy, right?" he asks, earnestly. Sure, it's not like he could always do that, considering, well, a stupid djin and even stupider magic, but it's not like he needs to. It's- well- he'll be okay, probably. Maybe. Kinda.

Zane's eyes blink on and off again, blue fading in and out. "I... I suppose that I was not quite aware of that."

Okay, they've screwed up way too many times, but this... this is pretty bad. Dang it, how long does it take for them to throw self-preservation instincts at their friend before he freaking- picks them up or something?

"However, will it not hurt those who have experienced the same unfortunate events?"

Dude, not the best question to ask someone wondering the exact same thing-

"It's been... uh, nice, kind of, talking to you. So- I don't think so, and I'm pretty sure someone would say so if it did. Besides, don't we talk about our adventures all the time? It'd probably be better if we... uh, well- heh heh, nothing."

"If we talked about the less than positive elements of them? Perhaps, but I still-"

Maybe it's the fact Zane has always tried to be there for him, or maybe he's too sleep deprived to care anymore, but this is a way too familiar situation and-

Well, not ignoring the issue would be a start.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we're family, Zane. We care about each other. And, gosh, that means that we care about you too. Memories are stupid and annoying sometimes, but we have to make good ones too, right? To block out the bad ones a bit, I guess? Kinda, at least."

They both look away from the stars now, grappling for something else to say.

In the end, they leave it be with a hug and a fondly exasperated warning about sleeping, if you happen to need it.

After all, they're family. They don't have to be perfect, or tell each other everything - even if it does take them a long time to realize that, and an even longer time remembering it.

---

The next time Jay startles awake from a nightmare, the sky is still empty - painfully so, like an ache that simmers beneath the surface even when it's not able to be seen.

The hue, though, is a little lighter.

Just a little - the all-encompassing darkness of it is now a navy sort of blue, his star shining a little bit brighter.

It's still not sunrise, not even close - but he'll take it. AN: the ‘sky’ mentioned at the start and end is a stupid metaphor that i somehow ended up liking too much to trash, it’s ‘empty’ because he hasn’t told anyone about the timeline, and Nya’s not included because they never had a chance to tell each other everything significant or even talked about it or processed it on screen. so yeah! if you read this,,, not great thing, can i send you a hug or good vibes or smth? tyy🥺

[bakugosbratx]

can you do a baku fluff fic with an old soul s/o 🥺👉👈 like youve been through kinda a lot in your life and can’t really find the energy to give every single this your best. like sorta sad but more of a numb feeling than anything. like of course baku would never let you give up and you’re never planning on it yourself. i’d imagine after talking with him and getting him to understand how you feel he’d be super nice and gentle about it- helping you out with things, even the simple ones (1)

SFW Strong - Katsuki Bakugo x Angst Reader

WARNING: Cursing, talks of parents, angst, depression, fluff, soft Bakugo, cuddles, etc.

A/N: Thank you so much for your submission! I hope you like it. If y’all have any request, my inbox is open. I am still learning to do one shots and especially ones about fluff. I try to keep it true to Bakugo’s personality, but I will get better overtime. Also, I didn’t mention a quirk because the request didn’t state one and it honestly wasn’t relevant to the story, but it can be anything you want.

Check out my other works here

Smoke covered the training field as Bakugo Katsuki landed you in the dirt. His hand was on your head while one of his feet was on your back. Part of you wondered if it was more for personal reasons than it was for training purposes, but you tried not to get in your feelings about it.

"I win again." Bakugo said aloud, but for once, it wasn't cocky. More disappointed which ripped you apart inside.

Bakugo got off you so you could get up and cough up any dirt that filled your lungs. He was looking at the empty stadium while his back was towards you. You could tell he was angry, but he was doing his best to compose himself. You are his girlfriend, after all. Even though Bakugo Katsuki was a bit harsh with his tongue, he still did his best to not be as harsh to you.

"The Sports Festival is in a month." Bakugo stated, still not looking at you.

"I know."

Bakugo turns to face you, his glare running through you.

"Then why the fuck aren't you giving me your all then y/n? I gave you so many opportunity attacks to get me, but you didn't even try to beat me. Is my quirk not worthy of yours?!" Bakugo snapped with clenched fists.

You just looked at him then down at the ground before letting out a sigh.

"I'm sorry.." You mumbled.

Bakugo walked over to you then pushed your chest. Not in an abusive way, but to get you to train properly.

"Then prove it. Fight me."

"What?"

"Fight me. Use your damn quirk. Give me your all. I'll even let you go first this time."

"Babe, I'm tired. I want to go home."

"And I want you to fight me, dammit!"

Silence overcame you two. Tears filled your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. You didn't want to make Bakugo even more angry and you also did not want to seem like a scaredy cat.

"I have nothing left in me, Katsuki..." You whispered, "I'm sorry."

Before Bakugo could process what you were saying, you ran off the field. The tears you were trying so hard to not let fall came pouring down your face as soft sobs began to escape your lips. The only thing you wanted to do was find the exit and go home. Just as you were about to exit the building, a hand pulled you into a strong chest.

"The fuck is wrong?" Bakugo said in his harsh, but concerned tone.

You couldn't answer right away as you began to cry even more. He let out a sigh and rubbed your back as you let all your feelings out. He didn't know what to say or do, so this is what he thought would be best. Once you calmed down, you and Bakugo sat on the stairs together, your head on his shoulder as his arm was wrapped around you.

Bakugo sighed.

"What's wrong, dumbass? You have not seem like yourself lately. What happened to my smiling, go lucky, always giving it your all lover?"

As much as you wanted to cry, you had no more tears left. Instead, all you can do is sigh.

"I was going to wait to tell you until we started dating longer, ever since my father left when I was born, my mother is either never home or brings different men home a lot. I'm left with keeping the place clean and doing so many things on top of worrying about school and being under pressure about being a pro-hero. It's just too much to handle. It's hard for me to keep up the impression that I'm always happy when I'm not. I don't even know if I want to be a pro-hero anymore."

Bakugo listened. He didn't know the right things to say, but he was processing the words you were saying. His heart was breaking underneath and all he wanted to do was make everything better for you.

"If you think I'm going to go easy on you in training then think again, dumbass. I'm always going to push you to do your best." Bakugo stated, still comforting you.

"I wouldn't expect any less from you." You admitted.

"Good," he kissed the top of your head before he stood up, holding out his hand for yours to help you up. "Let's go home."

•time skip•

It's been a week since you told Katsuki what has been going on, he has been super helpful. Which is surprising since he didn't say much when you told him this information. He still pushes you to do your best, but understands when you need a break. He helps you study, clean your house, and is overall more sweet. He still calls you “idiot” and “dumbass” because that is equivalent to calling you “prince(ss)” and “love” in Katsuki language.

Today you were feeling overwhelmed studying for the test that was this Friday. Bakugo came upstairs after cleaning the dishes in the kitchen to see you stressed. He leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed against his muscular chest, gazing at you for a moment.

"Oi dumbass, are you okay?"

"Yeah just overwhelmed." You sighed, closing your text book.

Katsuki walked over to you and kissed the top of your head.

"Let's take a break and cuddle. We can watch an episode of your favorite anime. How does that sound?"

A smiled appeared on your lips at your boyfriend's idea. You and him went downstairs to cuddle on the couch and watch your favorite anime. Katsuki let you sit in his lap while he put his strong arms around you. Your head rested on his chest. He whispered sweet nothings into your ear occasionally which perked up your mood a lot. It's rare to see this side of Katsuki Bakugo, but you are the exception. Especially in private.

An episode turned into a few. Your tired eyes could hardly stay open. You didn’t want to go to sleep. You were having too much contentment with your boyfriend. Bakugo being the observer he is, he noticed your eyes getting tired.

“Is my love tired?” He coo’d, already knowing the answer.

You nodded, snuggling closer to his warm skin. Bakugo turned off the television and carried you to your room. His strength always made you feel small, but in a good way. He is your protector, after all.

Katsuki gently laid you down in your bed and tucked you in. He placed gentle kisses on your forehead.

“Sleep tight, babe.”

Just when Katsuki was about to walk out, you grab his hand.

“Don’t go.” You whine.

“Idiot, I have to make dinner and clean up some more. Plus I’m not tired.”

“But..but..” You gave him puppy dog eyes that you know he has a hard time resisting.

“Fine, brat, but just for a little bit.”

You smile as he climbs into your bed to cuddle you. As much as Katsuki claims he hates cuddling he sure does give the best cuddles. Especially to his favorite person on this planet.

“I love you.” You mumble as you cuddle into Katsuki’s chest.

You couldn’t see it due to your eyes being closed, but you knew he had a smile plastered on his face.

“I love you, too, baby.”

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