#and my dash isn't that active
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all these 'encouraging' positivity posts like 'oh you're only in your 20s so it's ok!' like what are y'all going to do when you're older than that and still fucking up? you're alive, to be alive is to do, to do is to sometimes do the wrong thing. people who've been alive longer don't just stop being complex, messy people who make complex, messy choices. that's what being a person is.
what happens when you're 30, 40, 50, 80, and you still haven't gotten where you want to be in life and you're still making calls that you regret? what happens if you STILL haven't accepted that people fuck up and might not get things that they want or that they need and there's joy and worth to be found anyway? you can't hinge your whole self worth on having potential because you won't have potential forever, and sometimes it just isn't going to turn into anything. And that's okay, because it has to be. That doesn't say anything about your worth or whether you can sometimes be happy. Being young isn't the only way to have hope and it certainly shouldn't be the thing keeping you okay with yourself. Come on.
#serious post#mental stuff#venting#'i need to avoid the for you page' i tell myself#because there you can't unfollow people for 'positivity'#but i have to have stupid shit to look at for a minute so I can go back and try to focus on the thing I want to focus on#and my dash isn't that active#but the problem is that you see things there!#i hate fucking positivity bullshit so much. it's ALWAYS bullshit#i can find the little joys in living all on my own and when I can't I can find my way back there myself#i don't need people feeding me a candyfloss-shaped pile of shit just to feed their own egos about how great they are#the first of those posts the for you page gave me today had people in the notes sad because they weren't that age any more!#I get that there are situations where 'you still have time' might be relevant to the issue but usually it's just going to hurt people
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anyway do you guys feel like its maybe an issue that i feel the impulsive need to moralize every action i make so that im not a "bad person" for doing something that realistically harms nobody, affects only me, and makes my life more comfortable.
#i just cannot block certain tags because then i'd feel like im not doing enough even though i KNOW reading posts isn't activism#and i use tumblr just for fandom and memes i dont even WANT serious stuff on my dash#but then i type a tag into the tag blocker and hover over that block button like. “if i click this am i a bad person?”
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I'm going to be away from Tumblr until the New Years, or sometime in the end of December. I needed a break from Tumblr for a while now. I wanted to post a fic before that happens but I haven't really posted any fics since March because of two reasons: 1, Writer's block was hitting hard because of personal life reasons which I will not get into, and 2, no one really reblogs posts anymore and likes don't really do anything, so my stories remained lost forever...
I guess that's the real reason why I'm going to take a break lol
But still, I'll be back soon. I'll still be here posting something dumb every couple of days or weeks, but I'm still gonna be away.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year, and please, stay safe out there once the new year arrives. It's gonna be scary for a while, but I want you to stay alive because you matter and you are loved. This world needs more beautiful people like you. <3
#piko rambles#Not gonna lie I looked up how long I needed to be less active for something to happen to my blog because I was scared to lose my blog lmao#Thank God I'll still keep my blog after a month#But idk if I'll be ENTIRELY offline. I will be on my main computer I use but probably not on my tablet.#Either way I won't be as active. I need a break from Tumblr just to be with my family for the holidays. Especially for personal reasons#But before 2025 is when I'll come back. Promise <3#...GOD my dash is gonna be SO full once I come back isn't it LMAO
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u don't even like the show anymore? nooo what happened
it was a collision of things. s4 was a very big disappointment for me and it was also around the time i started disagreeing with a lot of the fandom wide ideas and interpretations (coughsblindfaithcoughs).
the creator's attitude towards the shows (amongst other things) has been iffy. if you want to brag about how many listeners youre gonna lose during your next season then god help me i will make your dream a reality.
just in general the attitude towards the show on all fronts has put me off of listening to part 41. the breaking point was the john is a child take.
that isn't to say i don't care about john and arthur anymore, it's just that i'm choosing to ignore everything past part 31 (which by the way is THE best episode of the show let's be clear s4 delivered with that one)
basically i'm a suffering john stan in an environment inhospitable to john enjoyers. i won't continue listening to the show. i won't be changing my url. you could see this becoming a hoyoverse sideblog (yes i know niche fiction horror podcasts to chinese fantasy gacha games is a big leap to make but you don't even realise this used to be a mcyt and hannibal blog.)
feel free to complain about the show to me if you agree! ignore this if you like it, i'm glad it still brings you happiness!
#also i don't mind blindfaith and it's enjoyers#i just don't dig it and it's fanon interpretation ergo i didn't like seeing it on my dash all the time ^_^#not maintagging because i'm not one of /those/ people#malevenjoyers keep malevenjoying!#that being said i DO miss john :(#and i did enjoy my time in the fandom (this show made me write 4 fics what the FUCK)#and i met some lovely people along the way! i worked on my first zine project!#but it just isn't for me anymore yknow#i even stopped listening to w.bg but that's because i'm bad at managing my time i WILL catch up#still listening to fua actively!!!#unhinged aromantics
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#𝐎𝐔��� 𝐎𝐅 ⠀⠀(⠀ⅰ.⠀)⠀⠀𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑:⠀⠀ಇ⠀⠀oh-kae!#cw negative#tw negative#cw vent#tw vent#tagging this for people who don't want this kind of negative content on their feeds!#remember to protect urself first.#and i'll keep this super vague not to be like . . dramatic? but just because i only need to get this off my chest.#but i need to vent so badly because i'm reaching a breaking point. i can /feel/ the anxiety building up in my throat.#i've been 10000 % vibing on my own and really comfy here! i've been loud n' proud about that.#but ever since i've been active here it feels like old issues are rising up and it feels like borderline harrassment.#like. under the radar.#i know this isn't anything anyone is going to have noticed or seen or anything.#but talking with friends who do notice and stuff. i just hit a bad point all of a sudden.#i'm not going to openly talk about problems here on the dash of course.#but drags my hands down my face. i just want to do my own thing man.#i have more time to be here now that school is done for a couple months & i just wanna enjoy it to the fullest hah#i'm finally back into enjoying ahri the way i used to!#but. i dunno. i might bury my head into my inbox & retreat into some video games or something.#i don't really need reassurance or affirmations because this isn't a pity post or anything.#i feel validated by the amazing friends and interactions i get here as is! so thank you to all of you. seriously. ily#but good lord.#i dunno i just wanted to vent and i will delete this later.
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i think my blog is in its flop phase
#my follower count is dropping not growing#so are my notes#and I get it#I mainly reblog random gifs and fanart now#its not mostly analysis or text posts#and Im not posting my own thoughts a lot bc life is busy#and I unfollowed quite a few blogs so my dash isn't as active#but its a little discouraging#but I still like my blog which is the main thing#lola's ramblings
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A video about the PJO show was recommended to me on YouTube and while I didn't watch it I did click on it to read the comments bc the title was negative about the show and I honestly felt like I was going crazy reading that reviews were so positive for the show
Like, I needed some validation
And judging by the comments, there's a segment in the video about I guess the fan base, esp on Twitter, virulently defending the show? To the extent that they are rejecting all criticism
Meanwhile not only have I seen zero vehement defense of the show but I have seen uhhhhhh zero things at all about it on my dash. Like, there was buzz building up to the show's release but once it dropped I stopped seeing ANYTHING about it. Probably bc most of the people who would be on my dash agreed with me that the show is...a kinda shit adaptation.
Anyways the moral of the story is that I'm glad I don't have Twitter
#reading ''the fanbase isn't accepting criticism over the show''#when I haven't seen ANYTHING about it since it dropped#(I'm not like. active in the PJO fandom but stuff comes across my dash)#felt v smoke on the horizon. ships passing in the night and one is sinking.#also multiple comments said they gave up on the Medusa episode which is funny bc I did too lol#anyways I won't watch the show bc I don't want to rile myself up#but I was perplexed to hear of Fan Misbehavior so I felt the need to make this post#also multiple comments were implying that Trials of Apollo is bad???? and fans didn't like the series???#I mean I like them. I'm rereading them in fact.#so not EVERY fan dislikes them#speecher speaks
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there is like good nuance to be had about the portrayal of autistic people on social media but without fail the notes of all of those posts tends to turn into AND THATS WHY I HATE TIKTOK BRATS WHO THINK THEYRE ND!! so I don't think I trust you guys to indeed "be normal about autism" actually
#vwoop.noises#Like It's kind of annoying to have to quirkify it all the time while like. The actual reality is pretty unpalatable#Sigh. The Social Symptoms..... as well as other things that I do consider myself disabled about#But At The End Of The Day. Tiktok kids aren't oppressing you. If they're ingenuine in their presentation they'll figure it out eventually.#Shrug.#You can do your own activism without being like. I HATE this vulnerable group of people [Who also are trying to stay afloat in this social#environment — DEFINITELY feeling the same pressure to make their autism consumable due 2 the nature of how socmed works]#It's all structural. All of the time. Always.#This isn't against the OP or the person who put it on my dash I just have looks in the notes disease.
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Okay, so this is less a plotting call and more of a general interaction call. Like this to let me know you’re interested in writing, plotting, asks, comfy with me sending you aesthetics that make me think of your muse, etc. All that jazz. ♡
#i've made a smidge of progress with ic stuff today#i was originally planning to work on a post bomb and then drop it all at once but that didn't come to fruition#i'm feeling super rusty for only being out of the game for a couple of weeks#and also weirdly anxious?#i'll be doing another follower clear-out this weekend#i plan to go hard on it because my count keeps going up and it isn't sustainable#not when i want to activately engage with all of my mutuals#this isn't a ' like this to stay moots ' post by the way#i'll be deciding that and there are a few factors to it#in meantime i'm really not keeping up with the dash or replying to dms#i'm still easing back into the swing of things#i hope you're all well ♡#thanks so much to those of you that have beared with me#◈ — ooc; puffin speaks
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Finally making a dent in my backlog of screenshots. I ended up with more bc of RD but... at least they're decreasing! I just tend to not want to post a bunch of them all at once while I'm playing and stuff, and then I end up with a huge backlog in my drafts (think over 50 drafts, and I've been over 70 before).
Always feels nice to empty out my drafts.
#DCB Comments#obviously some are reblogs but by and large they're just screenshots#I also don't tend to backlog my dash when I have a lot to backlog so I don't pick up much art to reblog unless#it gets posted when I'm actively checking my dash or isn't too far down the backlog#I wish I had the energy to bother bc I like seeing art! but I just... hardly ever backlog#then when I go looking for art in tags or the for you I find barely anything that isn't#already on my dash or just assorted posts from ppl I already follow#esp bc I lean more toward Tellius and it's nowhere near as active as Houses fandom-wise
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the activity feed glitches (among other glitches) are getting Old now, can they fic the notifs please?
#i don't get notifications like. sent to me. this is an internet line drawn for me.#so i mean things just not appearing in the activity feed#yesterday i was like 'how did This start circulating again' and i reblog chained#it back to one person who reblogged it like two minutes before the other ppl but they weren't#in my activity#(and no they don't have me blocked bc Other notifs from them appear)#and now stuff that's legit on my dash isn't showing on my activity feed as a note#so i'm like????#fix it it's annoying#also this update is so fugly make it go back to seeing icons properly#ugh
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okay, notifications are officially broken, please @ me in any replies from now on and I will endeavour to do the same
#As I've said previously I typically see everything on my dash b/c#I don't follow too many people/the dash isn't overly active#But in case I miss something#i'm the video game boy; i'm the one who wins! ｡･ﾟ✫ ooc
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My toxic trait is like I mean Blink is good but I can't wrap my head around it being the highest rated episode of Doctor Who on IMDb. Top 30 fine but #1?
#it's not my favorite episode it's not my favorite RTD era ep it's not my favorite s4 ep it's not my favorite RTD era ep written by Moffat#it's not my favorite Weeping Angels episode (though I will say that it's the best) it's not my favorite Doctor-lite episode#it's certainly not my favorite episode of TV of all time and I also would say it isn't the best either#I don't think about it unless someone brings it up I don't watch it unless I just watched Human Nature/Family of Blood and let it play#it's not /bad/ it's just. meh.#full respect to people that love it but I don't get why it's above Heaven Sent she is a cinematic masterpiece#actually what I really don't get is The Husbands of River Song being /46 out of 198/????#how is THORS one of the lowest rated (bottom 5 of 15) episodes that River is in. this is homophobia just like the lack of a 12river kiss.#sorry I saw the post about it being one of the best episodes of TV of all time again & there's people arguing about other things on my dash#& I've taken my meds but not actually started anything & I'm actively avoiding what I need to be doing#thus I am saying things I would not say in a fully public Discord server per usual#also sometimes I see people suggest it as a first ep to watch (not a 'if you only watch 1 ep' but a 'watch this first') which is a dif rant#like I'd show my dad Time Heist because I don't expect him to get into the show but I think he'd enjoy that one#but at the very least go with en episode thet follows the formula if you want to get someone into the shoe#*show#so that they know. whether they'd like the show.#personally I'm a big ''start with Rose'' fan but I have many biases including I don't like consuming media out of order#but like. there is someone I want to make watch s8 and s9 and I'm not necessarily going to make her watch 1-7 first#like Deep Breath (a Doctor's first episode) is a reasonable starting point to me#a Doctor's first episode/a companion's first episode/an era's first episode are what make the most sense to me for a first ep ya know?#bonus for all three.#but like would you start SPN with Changing Channels as a ''do you like the vibes of this show?''#or Hush or Tabula Rasa for Buffy? (I outsourced that one so if it doesn't get my point across not my fault I am buffyless)#anyway.#someday I'll watch Buffy someday I'll start arguments on the internet about more important things that sharing an unpopular DW opinion#and someday I'll start things on my to do list with less than 3 hours of coaxing#okay have a nice day. 👍#i speak#kasteraxilkemeryapheshexerindaikyat.pdf
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love u guys :)
#but seriously I'm sorry to those who wait months and months for me to respond to you#I promise I'm trying to get any motivation to write. At this point the adderal (prescribed) isn't even helping.#I'm a lil burnt out especially since my dumbass likes to hoard asks and drafts and never touch them#but i adore that so many people want to write with me.#I promise you are not forgotten. I'm just very slow with getting to things. Especially long threads.#Eugh shit's hard. And this year has been a pain in the ass too.#Within January#we got covid#then my roommate said she doesn't feel welcome and she's leaving#so we have to wait a whole year to get another roommate#and our rent went up to over 1000#so Jay and I are going to be busting ass trying to afford bills#I'm mostly active on Discord and somewhat active on my server#dm me btw if you want in. It's dead bc no one wants to interact there but if you throw a character into one of the channels i promise you#will be responded to#anyways it's just been extremely rough and my energy to write has been non existent#but I'm always here to talk on Discord and plot and discuss character stuff and just make friends#I do want to interact I promise#I do a lot of dash com to get small spurts of motivation going so that way when it dies I don't have to draft it up#Please come talk to me about your muses#please#and please come talk to me to just talk#Tumblr dms are ass I'm bad at responding to them#But just come talk to me#discord is Heck1497#lmk who you are if you add#I wanna interact and answer asks and I will! It will just... Take a bit. just be extra patient with me if you're able to.#If not I completely understand if you want to softblock#Otherwise I'm here. I see you. You're not forgotten. All nearly 20 of you that I have a draft/ask from#I SEE YOU. I WILL REACH IT WHEN I FINALLY CAN I PROMISE
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#My God I just caught up with the dash#So infinite scrolling isn't even a thing for me you know? I ///always/// have to be caught up with my dash.#I always have to be sure I've seen every post otherwise I'll ✨explode✨#It works fine usually! I don't follow more than? what? 15 blogs that are daily active so it's fine most of the time!#Well. as it turns out. it is very much not fine when the bsd fandom is having an outburst#Not to mention I always have to see the whole fandom tag whenever a new chapter comes out so THERE WAS ALSO THAT#Anyways I just finished and my eyes hurt for several factors.#On different news I have adhd and if I don't respect my traditions / patterns I will just die I guess#I could have done so many more productive things this time... Oh well#But I think I'll have to unfollow some blogs after this. I have an exam in a week and I absolutely can't afford this to happen again#Profuse apologizes to whoever I'll unfollow!!! It is my fault#random rambles#Edit: I was so busy I still haven't changed my header!!!! Unforgivable#Oh and I still have to get through the notes... God have pity 😭😭😭
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having to completely retool my muscle memory so i don't accidentally add a poll to my queue that will expire after it's actually rbd
#my queue isn't that long anymore as i'm in my not as active on social media period#but it's still happened like 3 or 4 times already that i'm like oh wait hang on#val comes out of hiding#and then i go to my queue page and i go publish post then i go back to my dash
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