#and most of all to have the energy to commit bc I want it to be good

[orykorioart]

From October 2022

Haven’t had the time to finish some Raileon comics I’ve been wanting to do, so have this sketch from last year in the mean time:

Just guys being dudes!

[erythristicbones]

21 pages of my book edited!! wooo!!!

[dreamertrilogys]

i’m so fucking tired (physically but also emotionally/mentally) like i don’t even feel like a person rn

[speench]

I haven't seen anyone talk about this yet and I just need to point out that everything Jacob does at the table is the reason I as a DM adore new players.

Like everyone else this season has at least some experience with ttrpgs in general, and once players start getting comfortable with rules I notice that a lot of their energy goes to 'what can i get away with by bending the rules of this system to my will' which can get fun and hilarious don't get me wrong.

But Jacob is pulling directly from the genre they're doing a parody of (for the most part) Like of course Greg Stocks just, has a car, of course he can take a jet to space. He's an international super spy, that's what they do.

I don't want to discredit anyone else, the absolute batshit things that have come out of these players this season could put any dm in a coma and I love them all so much for it but seeing Jacob at the table is such a delight as a dm. He's clearly having an absolute blast and is 150% committed and I love that for him. Every DM needs a Jacob at the table to ask the question that everyone else would have discarded immediately bc it may not work out immediately within the rules.

Idk NSBU just has absolutely become a favorite d20 season for me as a dm for so many reasons but mostly because everyone is just having such an absolutely insane fun time. The energy at that table is insane, this is the kind of energy that should come out of the tail end of an 8hr session over discord when you're all incoherently tired and the dm is in absolute shambles trying to keep things on track. The only difference being that Brennan has just decided to be even more unhinged than all of his players and Izzy seems to be there to challenge that at every opportunity

anyways dropout give us more of this table please I love them they're so unhinged together

[feistyvirghoe]

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 1 - you guys have such bright, very infectious because i’m just so giddy right now, yalls energy just shines bright like the sun omg, so full of positivity and love, happy as a child fr. i feel like people just like to consume your energy, has them all over the place, like pleading, there’s a push and pull effect you have, like you can be the most positive, optimistic person full of fucking light but then you have that other side to you that has people on their knees, like they can’t hold it in with you, the focus is on you guys, you’re hardworking and when you’re ready to fucking commit to something and go you just do it and get it started but you also know how to be inclusive and make others feel welcomed. i feel like people just want you to look at them, acknowledge them, you guys can adapt easily and may be spread out everywhere, you can’t just stay stuck to one thing and even within relationships im not saying you’re non-committal but you know your worth and some people and things just aren’t worth your time, you’re like a temptation, watch out for users and takers that may want to swindle you for whatever reason. you’re in tune with your femme side, you truly don’t need anyone to validate you and that’s a flex babe…it’s all you, something about the way you love and care for others, never dim that part of yourself, it’s so beautiful, the way you can own your mfkn power is by not letting bozos or losers come in and try to knock u off ur damn throne, standing up for yourself, believing that you’re fucking powerful just by being your true authentic self, confidently strutting your stuff, not giving away too much of yourself as well, connecting with your innermost self, reminding yourself who you are deep down inside, not being swayed the outside opinions of others, you may be a lil homebody and that’s okay..you’re sure of yourself and you don’t need anyone up in your face trying to fucking control you and make u feel small, by continuing to protect yourself in a healthy way, strong fucking boundaries is what needs to be set, don’t let these weirdos try to come in and fucking knock down your walls with their hateration and disgusting jealousy, show yourself off, embrace that fire within you, dont second guess yourself or make yourself small to fit in, burn bright baby boo. an affirmation for u - “i am a badass warrior and i conquer self doubt like it’s my fucking job!”

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 2 - your gentleness makes u fucking strike like lightning and i know you’re like “how?” babe we need more kind people like you on this planet, this world is so full of hatred and evil people, you’re kindness and compassion and just love for others makes you fucking strike babe, you’re a giver, very generous individual but i can see that you protect your heart as well, you know not to let shady people come and try to steal your energy, yeah that’s a thing, and you may need to be careful of that too, giving yourself away to undeserving people. you’re so content and just emotionally fulfilled on your own, u truly do not need someone else to fill your cup but im betting there’s a lot of people that would love to if you’d let them, you’re allowed be taken care of and poured into. but with how abundant your energy is and just how rich you are in spirit, of course it’d attract a bunch of energy vampires, just people with weird intentions. very emotionally mature and also vulnerable as well, well with the right people of course but you don’t hide how you’re feeling, and thats literally okay, you’re allowed to fucking let yourself feel free expressing what and how you’re feeling if that makes sense haha. you may throw people off, it’s like they dont expect YOU, like literally just you, your compassionate self. you don’t chase after people bc you know you’re already secure inside so don’t doubt that. maybe you really second guess yourself and how you’re coming off to others but i feel like people just see such a pure genuine soul, not just a nice person but a very kindhearted soul. you make others feel calm, like just content and chill haha. i feel like yall just make people smile, like smirking to themselves just thinking about you, omg admiring you and adoring you, u could be all up in people’s heads, unforgettable, maybe some just want to indulge themselves in you, just be cautious and aware of snakes hidden in the grass. i feel like i could go on and on about you guys, i dont want to make it too long though ;) your sweetness dude, you’re just like a lil fucking teddy bear ahhhh, someone who loves to help others, doesn’t matter what it may be just serving, wanting to be useful to others? maybe ppl have made u feel worthless bc of how kind you are like as if that’s boring or some shit, ignore those ppl, we need more kindness and love, don’t hide that side of yourself idc, let others who want to appreciate you show you their love. you’re also very in tune with your spiritual side and i feel you may dim that down too as if you’re not gifted i mean you’re here right?? embrace that side of yourself, you don’t even know how helpful you are to others, i feel like your generosity and just your pure loving soul is what puts a smile on others faces, so balanced, you’re just an unforgettable nurturer, a whole sweetie pie, a cutie pie ahhh, just such a sweet soul okay here’s an affirmation for you <3 “success is my middle name; watch me fucking conquer.” “i choose to surround myself with people who fucking respect me” and to own your power i feel like you just need to see you more, like you’re the one who can stay calm during the stormy weather, a shield for others, very protective over your loved ones and self, stay true to that boo! <33

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 3 - i feel like y’all are my glamorous pile, the ones ready to put their feet on the fucking ground and nobody ain’t going to fucking get in your way and stop you lmfao i’m hearing under the influence by chris brown, i feel like you guys got people feeling like they on drugs around you, your energy is intoxicating and addicting, some may even wanna knock u up to keep you as theirs wtf okay anyways hahahaha okay i feel like the way yall strike is like you’re in that empress energy very strong minded, in touch with your feminine side and you know when to cut a bitch off but then with that, the same people you cut off may try to come back and slither their way back into your life omg what the hell, so you guys are like the “heartbreakers” but not really because you just know your fucking worth more than what lames can give to you and not just that how they’re with you as well, goes for any relationship, you know when to fucking walk away and you’re not taking weird bullshit from anyone, you don’t play, i feel like your anger plays a part in making you fucking powerful, when you’re done you’re done and you can easily see through people’s bullshit, their facade, in hearing shit you up, lol u piss people off, idk what you’re truly doing, it could honestly just be you and your awareness, you’re not going to stand down and make yourself a tiny purse dog lmfao, very sassy as well, like no one can fucking control you, even if they wanted to, you guys make people uncomfortable but that’s there own issue, you may the wrong people for you uncomfortable haha, they try to fucking go and go at you relentlessly attacking you for no reason, so i can see why you’re protective of yourself and u don’t stand down, i mean with weird people like this honestly weird energy like this coming for y’all i understand why, it’s like you’re power makes others want to overthrow you and try and like one up you, just weird, got people competing for u and against you, i feel like they’re jealous of your fucking success and not just material success but your ambition, your drive, your resilience, never giving up on yourself no matter how hard it gets, you’re your own positive light in your life, you know how to make yourself happy, still shining, blowing out your candles, celebrating your fucking self like you should! yeah your fucking power just makes others despise you lmfao weird as hell, you live life on your own goddamn terms and you’re not sitting around waiting for anyone, a leader on your own, it’s like a natural quality of yours, you just know how to be up in front exuding dominance, like a lion, your walk may just give off CONFIDENCE i mean you have the emperor here, you’re just a fucking natural at it, it comes easily to you so i can see why others may feel offended by your power but they’re just projecting and not seeing their own power within themself, you look ahead, you don’t look for others, they look for you, goddamn lmfao! affirmations for you guys - “i’m letting go of negative bullshit, toxic people, and self doubt. i’m creating a fucking epic life on my own terms!” & “i am enough, i have enough, and damn right im fucking worth it!”

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 4 - i can see you guys regenerating in hermit mode, like taking some time to be alone with yourself building your power back up and cleansing yourself of all the weird energies you may have encountered, you like your solitude, my loners here, the ones who don’t mind leaving the party early, ready to go home and chill the fuck out or going on adventures by yourself and taking some time to just connect with your higher self if u wanna say that, just going within and seeing that light within yourself, you blossom on your own, you know how to make sure busy, it’s like when quarantine was around heavy, it didn’t phase this group, maybe it was even like a fuck yeah moment, nobody outside to bother you hahaha, like you guys may love to work out and get back to yourself that way, doing yoga, stretching, moving your body, but you may also be very cautious of the outside world, like you just jumped off the boat into uncharted territory taking time to feel out the place/environment/energy just watching where you’re stepping, or what you’re stepping into, making your way as you go along whatever journey you may be on, weighing out your options, not making hasty decisions, a thinker, maybe even a realist too. calm, balanced people here, like a lot of introspection, a very nostalgic person too. embracing the old memories, in tune with your childhood self, doing things that fuel your soul and what makes you feel the most peaceful, maybe you guys struggle with the mind so grounding yourself and staying away from the crowd is what helps you to stay sane and sharp, for you to be your most powerful self i feel like you just need that time away from everyone. yep it’s like you can’t really count on other people, do people make you second guess yourself, it’s like you’re there for everyone but they couldn’t even be bothered to hear you out, don’t give so much of yourself away to ungrateful people. you matter a lot and i can see this may be draining you as well, probably why you’re very cautious, but remember don’t keep yourself stuck on others weird projections and how they may try to take from you, it’s okay to be alone and regroup, if some one is offended by that then that’s there issue. the way u, my group four babies can uplift yourself and own your power is by letting yourself fucking shine and put yourself out there, confidently, i feel like people like making you guys feel small and quiet like a mouse, but you’re not a goddamn mouse you’re the fucking cat, and cats do whatever the hell they want to do, use your voice and own that fucking power, your words hold weight, speak more positively over your life and your self, unbiased opinions and being straightforward with your communication, don’t close yourself off from true unconditional love too..you deserve to be recognized and appreciated for all you do!!! keep fucking going, don’t give up on love, that goes for loving yourself too!! every fucking part of you and yes even the ugly bc the ugly is actually beautiful and makes you see the parts of you that you want to grow from and evolve beautifully into a better version of yourself! affirmations for y’all - “i’m unstoppable and nothing can hold me back, not even my fucking fears.” “my uniqueness shines like a freaking diamond! confidence? it’s my middle name, baby!” “i’m a badass boss babe and i don’t give a damn about what anyone thinks. i rock my confidence like a boss!”

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐏𝐀𝐂, 𝐢 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢’𝐦 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐡𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐢 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐮𝐩, 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐟𝐫, 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐭!! 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐟 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭, 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐌𝐖𝐀𝐇 (^з^)-☆

[astarionancuntnin]

listen, obviously i love astarion for multiple reasons, but ironically when i first started the game i wasnt interested in him, at all. i was fully commited to finding karlach and dating her bc of what i had seen online about her. i had barely heard or seen anything about him other than him being "the flirty vampire" and i was like eh okay

i ended up keeping him in my party cause his remarks were hilarious and i really vibed with his energy. and then he started opening up and you get to see how the whole overconfidence and flirting was an act, he starts talking about cazador and what he went through and how determinate he is to take him down. he keeps mentioning how he cannot wait to get rid of his master and how satisfied hes going to be, and hes smiling just thinking about it

then we learn about the ritual and theres this sudden spark in him, hes convinced that its the answer to his problems, he gets tunnel vision on the ritual, and if you romance him he also thinks its the only way he can assure not only his own safety, but also yours.

and when you finally win the fight, you have to save him from himself. hes desperate, completely blinded by the power he could potentially have. if he has this power, hes never going to be vulnerable, no one will abuse him ever again.

he is willing to lose himself to make sure he never gets hurt like this. even with high approval, if you dont succeed a persuasion roll or refuse to help him, he either turns against you or leaves your party. in his eyes, at this moment, you are the one who turned against him.

if you suceed the persuasion roll, he agrees that he can be better than cazador, and before stabbing him repeatedly, mentions (again) how hes going to enjoy this

only to break down right after. even though its something hes been wanting to do for centuries, all the suffering hes been through came crumbling down after it was done. cazador is dead, hes the one who killed him, he finally got his revenge, and yet he feels this emptiness.

its done, why do i not feel better?

if you saved him, he talks to you later and admits how he wasn't himself, how thankful he is that you helped him out and most of all, you believed in him. you saved him by believing he could be more than what he saw in himself.

if you talk to him after completing dame aylin's quest in act 3 (after killing cazador), he mentions how he expected her to rejoice after defeating yet another person who intended to enslave her, but shes just tired. hes comparing her reaction to his own experience after freeing himself from his abuser

and after karlach's reaction to killing gortash, he brings up the fact that theres "no justice in this world". contrary to what he believed earlier in the game, its not only him thats been wronged for several years. even though in the end they all got to get rid of the people who ruined their lives, they are still hurting.

hes realising that killing your abuser, although it seemed like the simple, satisying solution of finally having your revenge from years of trauma, might free you, but it will not fix you. they're dead, but you still have to live with what they've done to you.

he is my roman empire

[dreamgrlarchive]

Dear dream girl, I really want to be my dream girl but I don’t know where to start. I feel unmotivated most of the time and I only get a burst of motivation at like 3 am. I just what to glow and radiate good energy for myself and find/do what I like

Oh, So You Wanna Be a Dream Girl? 🎀

starting your dream girl journey

Congrats on choosing yourself and your tiara; I am so proud. Prepare to not be liked, to be judged, and to stand out. It’s lonely at the top.

*this guide is for starting the process, not reaching the end result because my version of my own dream girl is inevitably different than yours. bare in mind i’m not holding your hand. i’m nudging you in a good direction.

what is a dream girl?

a dream girl is a girl that has finally fallen in love with who she sees in the mirror. she’s the girl that she can depend on. she has her desired look and she’s on the path to self actualization actively. she’s aware of her branding. she holds herself to the standards she holds other to; and they are HIGH. her self worth isn’t contingent upon a love interest, amount of money, or social status. she’s simply that girl.

do some healing.

yes, i said it. healing. like i’ve said before, you cannot put glitter on literal garbage. that’s not even the slightest bit appealing. you’re gonna journal about your childhood, your biggest influences in life, your biggest fears and how you feel life has treated you. this calls for shadow work. shadow working really helped me figure out some of my toxic traits and how some of the things that were considered normal to me as a child have affected me in the long run. you’re also gonna write hypothetical letters to your loved (and not-so-loved) ones, including yourself. let it all out. say everything you want that person to know. around you or not, dead or alive. prepare to clam up, cry, get angry, feel anxious. good. you should. you feel clammy, hot and sometimes pain when your body is fighting off and healing from a physical sickness. now you’re dealing with the developmental, mental, and emotional parts. you’re doing yourself a disservice choosing to stay the same toxic, nasty, mean, or victimized person you’ve always been.

what do you want?

before you can start to even do the smallest improvements, you have to have a clear goal. or else you’ll just be running around in circles (heh) over grandiose blurry wishful thinking. ultimately resulting in you giving up and choosing to be basic bc it’s easier. what do you want out of life? how do you want to be treated? what do you want to do? what makes you happy? and most importantly, how do you want to feel? see, it’s more than just the frills and glitter. you have to know what you’re trying to get to, internally and externally.

grab a diary, adorn it with pretty little details and commit to it. pair it with your fav writing utensil. outline all of your goals. every single last one of them. you can categorize them, scale them from short to long term, easy to hard. it doesn’t matter. do absolutely what you want to do to make a concrete record of your goals that’s digestible for you.

what are you going to do?

*fabulosity by kimora lee simmons*

compare your dream reality to the one you’re currently experiencing. what is she doing that you aren’t? that’s it. do that. anyone can read blogs about the process and other people success stories but those posts aren’t gonna change your life unless you get up and go for what you want. i don’t know what exactly you desire out of life. you do. so you have the instructions for this journey. the first part was easy, this is simple but not nearly as effortless. it’s up to you and not anyone else. you teach others how to treat you. improvements you can make include better: hygiene, self talk/treatment, outward energy, work ethic, discipline, health, consumed content, relationships, looks, habits.

the work

it’s time to apply yourself. get up everyday and actively work towards your goal. be kind to yourself. take yourself to the doctors. get active. eat right. find your passion. DO THE HEALING.

everyone’s journey is SO different so i’m just going to do a quick rundown of the importance of each of the ten facets of your dream girl journey (that build upon each other. ie; looks do not benefit you when your hygiene is insufficient):

*these facets are loosely based on maslow’s hierarchy of needs

health - are you taking care of yourself? please treat yourself how you would your loved ones. you’ll be surprised how physical issues manifest mentally, and vice versa. get adequate sleep. take baby steps if need be. some of these adjustments may be huge to you. be gracious with your journey.

consumed content - everything you engage in is your diet. the company you keep, food you eat, music you enjoy. you get the idea. do you feel light and ready to take on the day? or do you feel drained and sick more often than not. make some adjustments wherever you see necessary.

hygiene - extremely important. stick to a routine for your hygienic needs. you should have rituals you engage in everyday. don’t forget that your health and hygiene go hand in hand. oral and feminine hygiene is so crazily important. please don’t neglect yourself. i talk about my routines in detail here.

habits - daily habits are so crucial to your lifestyle. adjust these and consciously break your bad habits by supplementing your life with equal and opposite habits.

self talk/treatment - simple. be kind to yourself. hold yourself accountable for flaws and mistakes while loving yourself enough to be patient with the journey of improving.

outward energy - be very aware of the vibes you’re permeating. again this is so a huge determination of how you will be treated and how you will live your life.

work ethic/discipline - it’s gonna take serious accountability to escape the desire to stay comfortable. you have to tell yourself that you deserve *your desired end result* so you will *make specific change/adjustment.* it’s that simple (again simple doesn’t mean easy).

relationships - if you don’t like the way you’re treated by those in your life, those relationships need to be reevaluated. you can make some trims on your circle, have some honest conversations, or adjust your behaviors (because sometimes, YOU are the problem).

passion and career - in order to feel fulfilled in life, we all need a purpose. discover yours. incorporate your passion into your daily life.

looks - develop your signature and hone in on it. looks are very important to your perception (self and public). check out this guide to help with this part. however you wanna feel is how you should display yourself.

be a dream girl!

you’ve discovered all the facets of creating your dream self and reality. now it’s time to apply what you’ve learned. start showing up in life in the fashion you want to be seen in.

that’s it! the rest is up to you!

- xoxo, dreamgrlarchive 🎀

[koqabear]

Hiii congrats on 2k sol obsessed with everything you write!!!!💓 Could I request revisiting emo boy? Like what their relationship is like after and dates and how sex is like? Maybe beomgyu’s band really blows up and he’s quite busy, how does oc respond to this? And with smut? Tysm!!💝

playlist // beomgyu's encore outfit hehe // cont. of hey emo boy!

 “The day of your one-year anniversary with Beomgyu was expected to be spent away from each other— but not if either of you can help it, far too in love to let anything get in the way of you two.”

bassist!beomgyu x fem!reader // wc: 6.6K (everyone stfu rn) // genre: band au, opposites attract trope, established relationship, smut, tooth rotting fluff tbh, MDNI.

warnings: they are in love and it’s fucking GROSS!! barely edited, the two have hella piercings hehe (bg: snake bites, tongue, eyebrow // mc: smiley & nipple piercings) pet names (sweet thing, pretty, etc.) use of the L word bc they are literally obsessed w/ each other.

smut warnings: hard dom! gyu, sub!mc, needy sex sorry 😖, marking, manhandling, dry humping, biting, breast play, possessiveness, unprotected sex, bg picks the mc up, scratching, dacryphilia, dumbification, a lot of kissing lol, degrading, slight praise, fingering, creampie, cum eating…? lmk if i should add anything !

Notes: happy (late) birthday to the fic that’s probably my peak… this story single handedly changed the course of my blog me thinks. thank you to everyone who was just as affected by emo gyu as i was. 

Being in a committed relationship with Choi Beomgyu, bassist of Tomorrow x Together and an absolute unattainable heartthrob, was not very easy. 

It was at first; with their blossoming career, it was more about the music than their looks. Fans were loyal simply because they liked their sound, their message, the way their concerts were filled with such energy and passion it left their hearts beating with adrenaline after— but of course, it’s hard to not notice the absolute eye candy on stage; low-lidded gazes, dark stage lights that barely highlighted their stunning features, and clothing that was just as alluring and flattering as the rest of them; inevitably, their popularity sky-rocketed, for better and for worse. 

Beomgyu was left with more money than he knew what to do with. Most of the time, it was used to spoil you, his pretty girlfriend he brought with him everywhere because he was just too obsessed with you— it made his band members wonder if he simply had attachment issues by how much his world revolved around you. But no, you were just as bad as him; present during rehearsals, always in the studio to cheer them on or give them a second opinion on a new song; it wasn’t long before you ended up befriending the rest of them as well, a tight bond forming simply because of all the things you went through together. 

As unfortunate as it was, they weren’t the only ones forced to bear with negative and hateful encounters from the public; while they had their experiences of being mistreated early in their career, you had to deal with immature or creepy fans that had taken a liking to harass you— inboxes on all social media platforms flooded constantly, your number even leaked once as you were forced to buy a new phone all together from how badly you were being spammed— Beomgyu had been quick to lash out and tell them to leave you alone if they didn’t want a lawsuit on their hands. 

Overtime, they adjusted to their popularity. Schedules slowly became filled to the brim, their dream now a reality as they spent months on tour— and while you were more than happy and proud of them and their flourishing career, it’d be a lie to say it was all one happy and perfect life. 

You hadn’t seen Beomgyu in ages— decades, centuries, eons— in other words, two weeks. 

The band had more interviews and performances than you could keep up with; if they weren’t on some random talk show, they were at a photoshoot, getting interviewed for the next issue of a magazine you’d undoubtedly have on your coffee table the day it came out. Promotions, nights at the studio, it all added up— and before you knew it, your one year anniversary began to creep up, and all hopes to celebrate it properly dwindled down in your heart— but, having him here with you today was enough. 

You didn’t blame Beomgyu; you weren’t angry or upset, because it was simply something neither of you could control. And though it did suck knowing you wouldn’t be able to spend such a meaningful day together, it felt a little better to know that you weren’t the only one hung up on it. 

On the contrary— you think Beomgyu might be handling this worse than you. 

“Baby, baby please,” he cries, refusing to let go of you and cuddling closer to you instead, a mess of tangled limbs and blankets as he cups your face fondly, “pleaaase I know you said I shouldn’t feel bad but please come on tour with us this week, I think I’ll seriously die if you’re not here this time.”

“Gyu, baby, I really shouldn’t—” you say quietly, only to get cut off by his excessive whining and teary eyes. His bottom lip is jutted out in a ridiculous pout, squeezing your cheeks and holding back a smile at the way your lips puff out as a result; you attempt to push him off you, only for him to retaliate by rolling entirely on top of you, a loud squeal escaping you at the feeling of his weight pressing you into the mattress, his stupid face hovering over yours as he continues to plead you quietly. 

“Pleaaseee?” he whines, pressing his flat palms against your cheeks and getting your lips to puff out again; he ignores your half-hearted protests for him to get the fuck off, choosing to punctuate his every word with a kiss instead, his piercings a sharp contrast to his plump lips that crash against you with every word. 

“Please?” kiss. “Won’t you,” kiss. “come with us?” another kiss. 

“Please. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease—” 

He’s practically suffocating you at this point, refusing to pull away and mumbling the words against your lips, laughs breaking between the two of you as you yell at him to get off, that you can barely breathe with him on top of you; you’re pushing at his shoulders weakly as he continues to tease you, your unabashed laugh contagious as he quickly finds himself smiling as well— he only pulls away once he hears you yell a loud fuck, okay! Hovering over you with bright eyes and a wide grin. 

His arms snake around your waist before he’s rolling over, successfully switching so that you’re the one on top of him— he ignores the loud and exaggerated sigh of relief you let out. 

“It won’t make much of a difference though,” you say quietly, hiding in the crook of his neck as you confess your doubts, “You’ll be too busy and exhausted the whole day, I really don’t want me to be added to your list of concerns.”

You went on tour with him, once— but you learned it was better off to not be anywhere backstage with him during those times, the boy too concerned and constantly doting on you to remain focused; any mistakes he made hitting much harder, a subconscious pressure to be perfect and give his all only trifolded by your presence.

“What? No,” he says immediately, sitting back on his elbows and causing you to look up at him in response; his brows are furrowed and he seems a bit baffled by your comment, shaking his head adamantly to emphasize his point, “I like having you there. I know you like being there, I want you there— I wouldn’t be asking you to come with me if I thought you were a burden.”

He managed to pull out the exact words you were trying to skirt around— your face heats up at his reassurance, much too intimidated by the intensity of his gaze as you bury your face into his chest instead; his chest bounces from the laugh he lets out, flopping onto his back once more and hugging you close, bodies pressed flush against each other and one of his legs thrown around your waist in a childish attempt to pull you even closer. 

“Plus, don’t you wanna visit Europe with me?” he asks, a teasing lilt to his voice as he feels you nod shyly; he knows just how much you enjoy the travel aspect to his career, constantly asking for pictures or to facetime while he’s gone, “I wanna show you all my favorite spots this time, and not through some glitchy facetime— I wanna spend time with you, sweet thing.”

“Ugh, shut up,” you groan, hitting his chest weakly as he simply laughs at you softly, “you’re so corny.”

“You love it,” he coos, rubbing a soothing hand up and down your back, biting back a smile at the way he can feel your breath even out— you remain silent. Partly because you’re falling asleep from his touch, and partly because he’s right. 

⤬⤬⤬ 

Europe is breathtaking— you’ve never been so grateful for Beomgyu’s stubborn, persistent mind. 

The tour has gone as perfect as always, spending a few days at their shows before you simply resigned to stay at the hotel instead; after seeing that Beomgyu was so distracted trying to look for you during a show that he missed his cue (and played the notes wrong to another song) you found it better to wait for him and see him after instead— ready to help him wind down and relax after another energetic, adrenaline-inducing show. 

Most nights consisted of you practically carrying him to the bathtub; cooing soft reassurance as he whined about how tired and sore he felt, shampooing his hair, massaging his scalp and tense shoulders— most of the time, he’d fall asleep then and there, and it’d be another hassle to wake him up and get him out. You’d lure him out of the tub and wait for him to change into your matching pajamas— hello kitty ones, his idea, not yours—  and greet him in the bed with a warm embrace and lips that peppered kisses all over his face.

It was during these moments you found humor in the contrast of his stage persona to his true self; from his usual attire, chokers and ripped clothes, wardrobe consisting of black and multiple piercings that decorated his ears and face, your thumb brushing over his newest eyebrow piercing fondly— versus the man that slept soundly in your arms now, long hair tied back and cute pink barrettes clipping back his bangs, donned in hot pink fuzzy pajamas— and you’re sure that if his band members saw him like this, they’d never stop teasing him. 

You didn’t have to wait long to confirm that thought; Beomgyu didn’t bother changing as he met up with the others in Yeonjun’s room for breakfast the next morning, tugging you along and remaining unfazed at the way his band members burst out laughing the moment he entered the room— you felt a bit bad at the way you found yourself laughing as well, even more so because you’re the only reason he’s found himself dressed like this. (But again, he was the one who bought these clothes in the first place.)

“Happy anniversary, you two,” Yeonjun muses, smiling at the way you’re the only one who seems to process that, chirping out a cheery thank you! as you proceed to drag Beomgyu to the couch, “I feel bad that we have a concert today, ___. As vomit-inducing as it is seeing you two, you do deserve to spend the day together.”

“It’s okay,” you immediately say, brushing his teasing comment off and holding back a smile at the way Beomgyu is still struggling to gain consciousness, more tired than you thought as he simply stares at his waffles for a moment before finally digging in, “at least he’s spending the day doing something he loves.”

“Gross,” Hueningkai says, scrunching his nose playfully before laughing at the glare you send him, “you two are so mushy, it’s painful.”

The rest of the day leading up to the concert is spent peacefully; once Beomgyu has gained enough coherence to fight back against the member’s jabs, he’s pulling you away to show you new sights and stores he discovered from his previous visits, spoiling you beyond belief and buying anything you look at for a second too long; you end up with more bags than you know what to do with, and Beomgyu refuses to let you carry a single one as he proceeds to take you one of his go-to restaurants, as he told you; saying he’s been wanting to bring you here since the moment he found it, smiling brightly when he sees you enjoying the food as much as he did.

To say he’s reluctant to leave you to go to the concert venue is an understatement; you think he might start crying at any given moment as he stares at you with shining eyes, unable to let go of your hand as he stands by the door of the hotel room— not quite ready to leave yet, but knowing that he must eventually as he chooses to bring you in for another slow, loving kiss instead. 

“Are you sure you’re not coming tonight?” he asks you, trying to hide the sadness in his voice and failing miserably.

“And make you fuck up your setlist? I don’t think so,” you try to joke, only to panic slightly at the way his eyes gloss over; your hand immediately jumps up to cup his face, laughing softly at his expression as he simply pouts at you ridiculously. 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” you grin, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips before you lean over to his ear, voice dropping to nothing but a whisper as you let your lips brush against his ear, “I’ll have a nice surprise for you tonight, so you better give your best show out there, okay?”

The low lilt of your voice is enough to have him perking up immediately; mouth parted slightly as he stares at you, unsure of what else to do but nod pathetically, knowing he won’t be able to control himself if he thinks about what you might have in store for too long. 

With one last chaste kiss, he’s leaving— and only because Soobin was pounding at the door, telling him they’d be late if he didn’t go out this instant— you think he might start crying as he gives you one last pouty glance, waving to you sadly before he slips out the door. 

You’re left alone, the room suddenly much lonelier and quieter than it was a few seconds ago— and you laugh, checking the time and running to your suitcase to get your makeup and outfit for tonight. 

A revealing shirt, a mini-skirt that’s a bit alarmingly short— you’re pulling out a sparkling, pink outfit like it’s nothing, throwing it all on and doing your makeup as you check the time absentmindedly; your phone lights up while you’re in the middle of doing so, and a notification reads that the staff are waiting for you outside to take you to the venue once you’re ready. 

Beomgyu loves performing knowing you’re in the audience more than anything; it’s something he’s made blatant to you, knowing that despite his mistakes, despite his small distractions, his energy always goes out the roof the moment he spots you there. So you knew how distraught Beomgyu would be to hear that you’re not going to the show tonight despite being able to, but the thought of surprising him is much more enticing than you’d like to admit. 

With one last check of your appearance in the mirror, you grab a jacket before you go; Beomgyu’s favorite oversized zip-up, the clothing item a stark contrast to the rest of your feminine and bright attire— and you smile, adjusting the purse on your shoulder before you’re off to the hotel lobby, where the staff are waiting and ready to escort you safely. 

The venue is almost full by the time you get there; you’re escorted straight to your barricade seats front and center, smiling shyly and waving at fans that seem to recognize you; your face feels hot and you walk faster at the way they get excited at the sight of you, not used to the fame that comes with being Beomgyu’s girlfriend— hell, you really don’t know how Beomgyu does it. 

You’re more than relieved once the concert begins, any attention that still lingered on you immediately getting stolen by the boys that appeared on stage; you winced slightly at the loud screams all around you, unable to help the way you eventually joined in— morphing into another fan in the crowd, the venue much too dark for any of the boys to recognize you just yet. 

They looked stunning in their concert outfits; the professional, matching and dark outfits tailored perfectly to each member, intricate with chains and rosaries and pretty layers. Your eyes widen as you watch Beomgyu walk to his position, taking note of his hair that has now been dyed back to black— you hadn’t realized how long it’d gotten until now, the layers framing his face and falling into his eyes as he goes to push back his bangs with a delicate hand. 

There are no introductions tonight— the music begins immediately, loud and abrasive and making the crowd jump along excitedly, screaming the lyrics and reaching out to try and get one of the members to pay attention to them— on the contrary, you try to remain hidden, looking away and bowing your head every time Beomgyu’s gaze sweeps around your area. 

God, you wish Beomgyu didn’t turn into such a ditz whenever he spotted you in the audience— because then you’d be able to enjoy more of their concerts, addicted to the borderline euphoric feeling you get from attending them, only for it to be multiplied as your eyes catch onto your boyfriend performing, your heart pounding against your chest at the sound of his voice ringing out into the venue— a surge of pride and love fills you as a grin spreads on your face, and it isn’t until you notice a member walking around that you’re able to look away from him.

Looking up, you make eye contact with Hueningkai. 

His mischievous smile and raised brows are immediately returned with a violent shake of your head; telling him to not say anything to Beomgyu, rubbing your hands together pleadingly the moment he glances back at the said man— then he turns to you, sending you a playful wink before he’s off to another section, not without sending you one last teasing grin and a wave; you’re glancing at Beomgyu in a panic, unsure if he’s spotted you, only to be relieved at the sight of him too concentrated on playing to even look up at the crowd.

It isn’t until the encore that they’ve all begun to move around, (save for Taehyun and Soobin, bound to their instruments as they’re resigned to simply wave at the crowd when they can) changed into more comfortable outfits during a small intermission— Beomgyu is decked in baggy jeans and an equally baggy shirt, long hair messy and makeup smudged as he walks along the stage, smiling and waving at fans that reach out for him— he plays his bass so effortlessly as he does, truly mesmerizing as he stops a few times to interact with fans; the sight has your heart fluttering hopelessly. 

But the closer he gets, the more you’re buzzing with nervous energy. Gripping onto the barricade tightly, having stood up long ago with the rest of the fans that are eager to get their attention. Beomgyu’s eyes scan through the crowd thoroughly, smiling cutely and returning hearts until he spots you. 

He freezes entirely. 

He’s no longer playing bass— he’s just standing there, in complete shock as he stares at you. You can only muster to give him a sheepish wave, an uncontrollable grin on your face as you laugh at his dumbfounded expression, trying to yell at him to go back to playing. But he doesn’t, and you’re jumping slightly at the way he takes off his bass and jumps off the stage, security frantically following behind as he rushes over to you.

His hands are on your face and he’s pulling you in for a kiss quicker than you can process; you hear the screams of the crowd around you, but Beomgyu’s got you in his hold so tightly that you’re unable to pull away, left to give in and melt against him as he kisses you for a little longer. Your face feels as though it’s on fire by the time he’s pulled away, his own alight entirely with joy as he grins at you, your head still in his hands as he leans against the barricade excitedly— you think he might just jump over it any moment now.

“You’re here?” he says exasperatedly, eyes scanning you frantically as though he were imagining you, “why didn’t you tell me, you should’ve— I would’ve—”

“Beomgyu,” you cut him off, placing your hands over his and laughing at the way he can only stutter stupidly, brushing his hair behind his ear fondly— watching the way his eyes crinkle cutely as he smiles, your own sweeping over the array of piercings that decorate him, hello kitty earrings glinting under the light— and pry his hands off your face, ignoring the pout he sends you as you scold him instead. “Get back on stage!”

Your words seem to snap him out of his reverie; his head is whipping back to look at the stage, at the way his friends can only laugh at him teasingly and yell at him to get back here— the way Yeonjun yells directly into the mic is slightly embarrassing, shrinking at the way all eyes are on you as the man’s words ring out the venue— Beomgyu, get the fuck back here!

He’s only able to leave with one last chaste kiss— the crowd is screaming at the sight, and you’re resisting the urge to cover your face in weak hopes that it could take all this attention off you— but you’ll bear it, especially with the way Beomgyu mouths a cute I love you! before he’s jumping back on stage. 

The poor boy is unable to take his eyes off you for the rest of the night— but on the bright side, there are no missed cues or wrong notes played. He’s just entranced with you for the rest of the encore, his energy seemingly replenished with the way he jams out to the music; mouthing the lyrics even when it’s not his part, maintaining eye-contact with you during songs he knows you’re particularly fond of— and suddenly, the idea of spending his anniversary at a concert isn’t as depressing as it was earlier tonight— because now, he had you by his side. 

⤬⤬⤬

“Beomgyu— Beomgyu please, not here…” you whine, unable to do much but bite your lip and swallow back whines that threaten to escape you, left to Beomgyu’s mercy as he immediately led you to his dressing room after the show— the said man is much too focused on kissing and marking your neck to listen, soft hair brushing against your face as he pulls you flush against him; back pressed against the wall, arched prettily from the way his hands snake around your waist and press your lower half against his— you’re holding back a groan at the way he’s already hopelessly hard against you. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d be coming? Hmmm? Just wanted to be a tease? Was this your little surprise?” he asks, biting at your skin and huffing out a laugh at the whine that escapes you; your hands are gripping onto his shirt tightly, fisting it in your hands and wrinkling the material as he lets his teeth sink slightly near your collarbones, “god, you look so good tonight, you’d really expect me to be able to hold myself back?”

His hands are wandering down your waist; over the swell of your ass, fiddling with the hem of your mini-skirt before he’s venturing under it— feeling the way you shiver against him the moment his hands squeeze at the soft flesh, fingers decorated with rings cold against your skin as he comes back up to kiss you. It’s rough and desperate, lip rings scratching as he kisses you with such hunger it leaves you breathless; he grinds his cock desperately against you, eliciting a small gasp from you and allowing him to slip his tongue inside— the piercing that decorates it scrapes along your mouth, unable to help the way your knees weaken at the feeling of him— his touch is everywhere, leaving you dizzy and lightheaded as you can only melt against him, allowing him to press you flush against the wall with his own body; your miniskirt is riding up along your hips as he situates himself between your legs, panties already a mess as he begins to rut his cock into you. 

“Are you sure you want to wait now, pretty?” he asks, looking down at you with low-lidded and fucked out eyes— he punctuates his words with a particularly harsh thrust, laughing at the way you yelp and tighten your hold on him, “I could stop everything right now, send you back to the hotel like this and make you wait, just like you said— is that what you want?”

Oh, he’s cruel— even more so because you’re left shaking your head no deliriously, your mind fogged with such need that your eyes are glossing over at the very thought of not having Beomgyu inside you right now; your voice is pathetic as you plead Beomgyu to finish what he started, throwing a hand over his shoulder and entangling your fingers into his hair as you pull him back into you— he’s more than eager to return the kiss, tilting his head and pressing himself more against you as a hand reaches down to your thigh; grabbing the back of your knee, guiding you to hook it around his waist as he begins to rut into you mindlessly.

“So cute, my pretty girl,” he mumbles against your lips, eyes trailing down your low-cut top to spot his favorite zip-up, a smile tugging at his lips as he merely sends you a cute smile, “did you miss me that much? Already so needy from a little bit of kissing— god, I love you so much…”

You think he’s mostly talking to himself at this point— spewing nothing but filth as his hands shove your shirt over your chest, grinning as he remains impatient enough to not take off a single item of clothing, choosing to push tug your bra down harshly before he’s swooping down to mark your breasts with a cruel smile.

“Looked so fucking hot out there, just made me wanna take you backstage and fuck you there,” he confesses, listening to the choked whine you let out, his pierced tongue playing with your hardened nipples, leaving them swollen and sensitive. He’s looking up at you with doe eyes that contrast greatly with the way he sticks his tongue out for you, letting you watch the way he circles and toys with the cute jewelry he bought for you earlier today, pulling away with a coy smile and leaving them soaked with his spit— he blows softly on them, watching with tentative eyes as you keen at the feeling. 

“God, you know I’ve been wanting to do this every time I see you at one of our shows? To make sure that everyone that looks at you knows just who,” he rolls his hips into you, nice and slow and letting you feel the length of his cock press against you as you flutter your eyes shut from pleasure, “you’re here for?”

“Fuck, gyu,” you pant out, snaking your hands under his shirt and up his back, grabbing at his shoulders and pulling him into you— as if there’s still space between the two of you, as if you’d die if you weren’t touching him at all times, “‘m only yours, only want you…” 

He’s sneaking a hand down to move your panties to the side, the two of you much too desperate to shed off any layers— and as you listen to the clinking sounds of his belt, undoing his jeans and pulling out his hardened cock, you busy yourself by sucking and biting at his neck, listening to his stuttered breaths as you suck and tease at the joint of his neck, his most sensitive spot as you bite at it playfully— you’re only pulling away at the feeling of Beomgyu grabbing at you hair and tugging you away, letting out a baffled laugh at the satisfied look you give him in return. 

“Want everyone to know you’re mine,” you coo out softly, grinding your pussy slowly against Beomgyu’s tip that teases your entrance, your mouth falling open at the feeling of him mirroring the action, running along your folds and swiping at your clit, “all mine, my pretty boy…”

He laughs fondly against your lips at that— bringing you in for a slow kiss, feeling the way your mind goes blank the moment his tip slowing enters you; he’s swallowing a soft moan from you as he bottoms out slowly, keeping himself deep inside and grinding his hips slowly against yours— and he stays there, a tease like always as he watches your brows furrow and your lips pout, telling him softly to move, to do something.

“Mmmh, all yours,” he mumbles softly, pulling out slowly to let you feel the way every vein runs against your walls, clenching and fluttering against his length as he hisses at the feeling, “I’m yours, belong only to you, fuck…”

He’s not able to keep this agonizingly slow pace up for long— as much as he wants to tease you, to have you crying and pleading for him to fuck you stupid, he isn’t fairing that well himself— so it isn’t long before he’s beginning to snap his hips into you, cock curving and aiming for that spot that has your knees buckling, pretty nails digging into Beomgyu’s shoulders and biting at the skin in order to try to stabilize yourself.

“Such a perfect cunt— fuck, ah, just wanna fill you up, wanna see it dripping down those pretty thighs— stupid fucking skirt can’t hide anything, ugh—” his voice is deep and breathy as he continues to talk into your ear, his hands sliding down to the swell of your ass before he’s holding it there— lifting you up, forcing you to hook your legs around his waist as you’re left to his mercy; his chest is pressed flush against yours as he fucks you, and you can only bury your face into his neck to try and muffle your sounds, the rough way you bounce from his thrusts causing your nails to slip and scratch down his back— he hisses at the feeling, only to be spurred by the stinging sensation it leaves behind. 

“So loud, shit,” he laughs meanly, grinning at the way you only bury your face into him more to try and muffle your sounds, “want everyone to hear you? All the staff, the members— I’m sure they’d like to see what a pretty doll you are for me.”

You shake your head at that— but your body gives you away as your cunt clenches around him pathetically, the wet sounds of skin against skin filling the room and undoubtedly filtering outside— but you remain persistent to keep your moans to yourself, choking back on sounds of pleasure as Beomgyu only begins to fuck you rougher; your silence is a challenge, one he’ll gladly take as he begins to roll his hips into you just the way you like it. 

“Come on pretty, I wanna hear you,” he purrs into your ear, a hand snaking around to rub at your clit while the other remains firm on your ass, “don’t you feel good? I can make you feel even better— so, so so good, just let me hear your cute little sounds.”

You’re playing hard to get. And Beomgyu takes absolute pleasure in it, watching the way you shake and dig your nails into him helplessly, your body being wound up from how good he fucks you; your thighs are sticky and shining from your arousal, poorly concealed pleasure only fueling Beomgyu’s ego further as he reaches up to tug your head out from it’s hiding spot.

He thinks he might just cum on the spot; your makeup is ruined, tears of mascara running down your cheeks as you merely let out soft hiccups of moans, your lips parted and brain completely empty as you stare at him— he smiles at you in return, capturing your lips in another kiss as his hand begins to trail down; toying with your breasts, nimble fingers pinching and rolling your nipples as you jolt and whine into his mouth at the sensation. 

“Gyu— gonna— need to, ah…!” the choked whimpers you let out aren’t enough for Beomgyu, and he only slows down at your request; fresh tears stream down your cheeks as you plead softly, breathy voice barely above a whisper as you whine quietly to keep going, don’t stop, please gyu, pleeaaase…. 

“Hmm? What’s that? I can’t hear you, baby,” he murmurs softly against your lips, slowing to nothing but a grind as he presses himself against you— pelvis grinding against your clit, the feeling making you tremble as you dig your nails into his shoulders once more. “Come on sweet thing, tell me what you need.”

You’re telling him— begging, pleading, breathy whimpers and soft cries escaping you as you roll your hips into him, biting your lip and sighing exasperatedly at the way he simply watches you with dark eyes, slowing down until he’s simply bottomed out inside you. 

“What do you want?” he asks softly, breathy voice intertwined with a lilt so sweet you’d almost think he pities you— and by the way he’s looking at you, he just might, swollen lips caught between his teeth to try and suppress a smile. You’re still weak and quiet as you try to voice your wants, looking at him through wet lashes, a pout on your face as your hands run absentmindedly up and down his back.

“Wanna cum?” he coos, pretty hand reaching down to circle and pinch your clit teasingly, “Want me to fuck you? Fill you up? Hmmm?”

All you can do is nod along to his words stupidly— and obviously, it’s the very last thing your boyfriend wants, abandoning your clit and reaching up to grab your face roughly; fingers digging into your cheeks, forced to look at him as he merely glares at you and speaks through gritted teeth. 

“Tell me,” he says, voice sharp and dangerous as he narrows his eyes, “use your words— or, don’t tell me I’ve fucked you dumb already.”

He’s unhooking one of your legs from his waist at that; you’re stumbling slightly, leg too weak to let you stand as you merely cry at him to wait, bringing him closer to you in fear that he might pull out and leave you like this— his fingers still dig into your cheeks as you speak, drool building up at the corners of your pouty lips as you stutter out exactly what you want— what he wants to hear.

“Want you to fuck me, use me— wanna cum, please,” you cry out, eyes squeezing shut as he shakes your head teasingly, as though to say and what else? “Want you to cum inside, baby please, just wanna feel good—”

You’re rambling at this point. But Beomgyu enjoys it nonetheless, telling you to keep going as he begins to move again; slowly at first, allowing you to feel the drag of his thick cock against your walls as your words become stuttered through weak moans, the sight making your boyfriend laugh as he slowly begins to pick up his pace. 

“Like it when I fuck you like this, yeah?” you’re nodding in confirmation to his words; staring at him with pleading eyes, whimpering a soft harder, faster, that the man is immediately obliging as he coos at the way you yelp at the sensation. “Want it harder? Hmmm? Want me to fuck you ‘till you can’t even walk—? Have to carry you out of here, let everyone see the way your sweet cunt is filled up by me?”

All you can do is nod to his words at this point; whimpering a weak yes, yesyesyes, want you to fill me up, use me, more more please—

Everything crashes down on you unexpectedly; your eyes are shutting tight and you think you might just black out as your orgasm hit you suddenly, cunt squeezing and fluttering around Beomgyu’s cock as he groans at the sensation— he lets you ride it out, cooing soft praise into your ear before he’s pulling you in for another kiss; you’re barely able to kiss him back, moaning into his mouth and letting him do whatever he wants with you.

It isn’t long before he’s cumming inside you as well; you’re so tight he can barely move, your cute whimpers and warm cunt guiding him through it as he fucks into you slowly, making sure none of his release slips out as he continues to fuck you, even after he’s become horribly sensitive. Then he’s still, lips still on yours and arms wrapped tightly around you as though he’s afraid to let you go.

“You okay?” he asks quietly after a moment, still lingering close to you, taking in your appearance with tentative eyes. You nod softly, still attempting to catch your breath as you chest heaves against his; he huffs out a soft laugh, caressing your cheek fondly before he’s going to fix your clothes— your mini-skirt remains up on your hips, his cock still bottomed out inside you as he coos about how good you were for him, caressing any skin he can get his hands on (which is a lot, considering your wardrobe) with a smile.

“Pretty girl, so perfect,” he coos, finally pulling out and tucking himself in before he’s going to fix your clothing; not without slipping his fingers inside your cunt one last time, watching with hungry eyes as you curl into him and cry that you’re sensitive— he’s only satisfied after his cum is left snug in your pussy, smiling darkly at the way he brings his fingers up to your mouth for you to clean— you do it without any hesitation, and Beomgyu swears he might just be getting hard again. 

“Love you so much, thank you for coming to see me today,” he says instead, bringing you in for a warm hug and a loving kiss; you merely hum tiredly in response, hands slipping out from his shirt only to be thrown over his shoulders leisurely.

Your face feels hot the moment he’s trying to get the two of you to leave back for the hotel— because your legs are absolutely not cooperating with you. 

“Holy shit, I was joking about that whole fuck you till you can’t walk thing,” he laughs, only to get cut of by the way you hit him in response— he’s letting out an exaggerated whimper at that, rubbing his arm and telling you sorry, sorry baby, with a cute pout.

“Ugh, I don’t want anyone to see me like this, fuck,” you mourn, only for Beomgyu to pull you into his side firmly, sending you a smile that’s not as reassuring as you wish it was. 

“I’m sure no one will notice,” he says simply, swinging the door open and immediately being met with Soobin passing by. 

He slows down at the sight of you two, glancing at your appearances briefly before he keeps walking. 

“Try to keep it down next time please,” he yells out, turning the corner and disappearing from your sight before you can retaliate. You feel slightly mortified by his words, but Beomgyu isn’t affected in the slightest as he leans over to murmur softly into your ear.

“Should we continue this at the hotel, pretty?”

You don’t answer his question. But he already knows the answer, sending you a giddy smile and intertwining his fingers with yours as he leads you to where the staff car is waiting for you two— and you hold back a smile of your own as you trail (limp, kinda) behind him. It’ll be a long night, but you couldn’t ask for a better way to spend your anniversary, no matter how unconventional it is.

[evvyyypeters-fics]

You fucked me so good that I almost said, “I love you”

Sugar Daddy!James Patrick March x Coquette!f!reader

Warnings! Smut, p n v, f!ngering, eensy bit of n!pple play/ breast worship, praise, porn w plot, angst bc I can’t help myself

This might be my longest fic yet

Reupload of the request by @jazz-berry

“James!” I squealed, holding the necklace up to my neck, letting the charm rest over my exposed collarbones. The pink diamond in the charm, a Vivienne Westwood staple, matched the off shoulder sweater I was wearing.

My eyes flicked away from the necklace and to the proud, beaming smile on James’s face.

“I’m guessing I did well,” He purrs, biting at the of his cigarette holder between his beaming perfect white smile, flashy against his pale skin and dark slicked hair and light mustache.

“Oh, it’s wonderful. Just perfect.” I sighed in a lovely tone.The sound made him visibly perk up, like he was puffing his chest proudly.

“How did you even get something like this in the hotel?” I asked, baffled. I knew James was a ghost, I knew it from the moment I met him. It wasn’t clairvoyance, there was just something about him that was just strange and different even in the strange and weird Cortez Hotel that made me the least bit surprised when he revealed to me that he was in fact, dead and had been for many decades.

We were drawn to each other, like a moth to flame. Where I was the glowing sun in his dark world, and he was the moth that was drawn to the burn, having never seen the sun for so long that he craved the light and sought it out. And now that he had it, he wouldn’t let it go. Not if he had any say in the matter. Even though my relationship with James was…different, to say the least, it could only seem stranger to anyone looking in as James and I were more professional than the average couple.

A few months earlier…

“If you’re interested in what I have to offer, then all you have to do…” He says in his thick, romantic voice, holding out a small feathered pen to me and tapping his finger on a thin line at the bottom of a document. “..is sign here.” He purrs, sneering cheekily at me.

I blinked a few times at him and then glanced down at his finger on the paper, still in a bit of shock and wonder. I had any natural reaction to what was going on, a ghost had just offered to practically be my sugar daddy. Well, he called it a “mutually beneficial relationship” without the commitment of a relationship. Which would have made us friends with benefits, if it weren’t for the fact that he had a slew of rules and a contract for me to follow, along with the underlying fact that he’d be paying me. Not in a cheap hooker sort of way, but in the very obvious sugar baby sort of way. I guessed calling it a sugar daddy/ baby relationship was too vulgar for him.

“What’s the catch?” I ask, glancing back up from the paper to him, my brow furrowing a bit as I tried to determine his game.

“What do you mean ‘what’s the catch’?” He smiles, practically gritting his teeth as if he’s trying to hide the fact that he was offended by the question.

“I mean, do I have to have sex with you or something?” I ask, my voice pitching inquisitively, almost accusatory.

“I don’t think of you as a hooker, darling.” He purrs, biting the end of his cigarette holder in that charming way he does, and I feel my stomach stir a bit. It was the most bare minimum thing to have ever been said to me, and yet, in the context of my situation and the way his voice trilled, it left me on the brink of floundering.

“Then what do you want from me?” I ask, my accusatory tone silencing as I soften my energy, feeling myself physically relax in my chair a little. I was curious what a man like him would want from a young 24 year old girl like me other than sex, I had my fair share of run-ins with older men, and had never heard of one who didn’t want me just for my body.

“What I want from you, darling, is to keep me company. It’s not just being dead that makes me feel cold.” His tone was unreadable as he paced behind my chair a little as he spoke, taking a quick puff of the cigarette attached to the holder and slowly blowing out the smoke.

He stops pacing and ends up back in the chair turned towards me, he takes another quick drag from the attachment and blows out of the smoke as I bat my eyelashes in awe at him, still feeling slightly overwhelmed by what was happening.

“All I ask of you is your time. Your smile, your face, your presence.” He says it like a poem, a sonnet he created, and only for me. It made my heart swell and I could feel the slight rush as it beats a bit faster for a moment, and I wonder if being dead makes it so that you can hear the heartbeats of others better when you don’t have one yourself. I hoped not, as mine had begun to pick up speed with his words, praying that the rush hadn’t made its way to the apples of my cheeks.

I nodded, not saying anything else in hopes of preventing myself even more shy embarrassment, holding out my palm for him to hand me the feather pen. I quickly squiggle my signature on the contract, and soon as I put the pen back down, he whisks it away faster than I can blink and rolls it into his possession. A giant smile now beams his face as he holds out his hand for me to take, and I hesitantly rest my fingers on his palm as he lifts me up from the chair.

“Wonderful.” He purrs, a pearly smirk on his face as I lift my head to meet his eyes.

Present day…

“I have my ways darling. You’re not the only living person I know.” He says, taking my hands in his as we begin to sway without music, he dances me slowly around the room as we talk. Something he likes to do quite often, so I’ve gotten used to finding a rhythm without music anymore. It was like we were dancing to the beat of my heart, and not the rhythmic tune of a song.

“Besides, I’m not aware if you’ve heard of this thing called the age of the internet..” He whispers in my ear, teasing me with his sarcastic wit. For a man who still dressed like it was the 1920’s, he had quite the wit and information of the modern times outside of him. I assumed that Liz must have been feeding him this information, they spend lots of time at the bar together now.

“Aah, I see.” I nod, unsure how to respond, being tongue-tied by his words.

“You look absolutely ravishing by the way, darling. How ever did a girl like you wind up here of all places?” He purrs as he continues to slowly sway with me, his hand clasped tightly with mine as he leans down and kisses my collarbone and shoulder.

“I find I’ve been asking myself the same question.” I smiled lightly, giggling a little at the feeling of his lips. But truly, I was now numb to the idea of living in the hotel with James and the other ghosts and guests. I had no family outside the hotel, so there was nothing holding me, but I still sometimes wondered what my life would have been like if I hadn’t decided to stay. Probably no better than it is now, out there I wouldn’t have James and the others to take care of me. Specifically, I wouldn’t have James. And after being with him for so long now, I’ve realized that I couldn’t imagine living without him any more.

He pulls back and looks into my eyes with a slightly worried and confused furrow, as if sensing the tension backed in my words.

“Are you unhappy here?” He asks, and for once there was no offense in his voice. It was if he truly feared that I was unhappy with my current situation, and that he was holding me back.

“No, it’s not that. I just…sometimes I just wonder what might have happened if I didn’t decide to stay here. To stay with you.” I stuttered a bit, stumbling over my words as I tried to quickly mend what I had begun to crack before it broke. My eyes darted nervously as I was put on the spot.

He continued to have this saddened furrow on his face that tugged at my heart strings. James promised that we wouldn’t let our feelings get involved in the relationship, as I had asked him I didn’t want there to be any obligation of attachment. And yet here we were, both hanging onto each other like we couldn’t let the other go. We wouldn’t. It seemed my plan to keep myself from falling in love with a ghost had failed, and I lost all hope of escape. In myself, and in this situation. Whatever it was.

“There is nothing out there for you, darling. There wasn’t then and there isn’t now.” He begins, his voice soft and warm, like a soft and comforting blanket. “You’re right where you belong.”

“But if that means you don’t want it to be with me, then so be it. You have every right to remove yourself from this agreement, it’s in the contract you signed.” I looked up at James, feeling the heartbreak squeezing at me. I just wanted to shake him and tell him I love him, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But I kept my composure and shook my head.

“James…” I sigh, unsure of what to say. He always found a way to get my thoughts caught up.

“Don’t think that means I won’t put up a fight though…” He mutters against my skin as he begins to place soft kisses against my neck, having stopped our slow dancing and snaked his hands around the small of my back.

“I’ll keep you here as long as I can, no matter the cost…” He begins to get more possessive with his words and actions, nipping at my earlobe and trailing kisses up and down along my collarbone, neck and face. His lips danced over mine and ended up on my cheek, letting them ghost over and leaving a small shiver to run up my spine as I felt the silent brush of him over the plush skin.

I felt a whimper choke silently, getting caught in my throat as his fingers dip under the hem of my baby pink sweater. He continues to place deep and soft kisses along my warm skin, slowly pulling me closer and closer against him as if he was trying to melt our bodies together so I was unable to ever leave his side.

“James..” I whimper softly, the words being pushed from my mouth in a pathetic melody. He finally pulls his lips from my neck and looks into my eyes with those deep, sparkling pits. So empty, yet somehow so full of love and longing. We stare at each other for a moment, still flush against one another as our breathing begins to sync. The air feels tense and palpable as we wait for the other to make the next move. We both knew what was coming, it was just a game of waiting how long it would take for the other to cave.

Little to my surprise, Jame’s hand brushes the side of my face and latches around my ear, combing into my silk hair before he quickly rushes forward and snatches my lips into his, pressing a long and deep kiss into me. My eyes flutter shut and I lean back into him, my hands snaking up his suit-clad arms and around his neck. He hums at the feeling as I pull him in closer with my hands, clutching myself onto him as he swipes his tongue on my bottom lip. Pleading for entrance, and I’m so desperate myself that I let him in, and he instantly wraps his tongue with mine. And so the battle begins, and we both fight for dominance over the other as we slowly walk back to the silk sheeted bed that had been looming behind us, the backs of my knees pressing into the mattress before tripping me over backwards. I land and bounce a bit on my back, gasping into the kiss a bit as his body cages me down onto it, continuing to bite at my lip before licking the roof of my mouth and locking his tongue back with mine.

I raise my legs from the ground and wrap myself around his waist to fold into a more comfortable position, using them to pull him closer into me and finally feeling the tent in his suit as it grinds against my lace panties from underneath the white skirt I was wearing. That was now splayed higher up my waist, pooling at my sides against the mattress. He groans as I push him in, forcing his hips to roll at the growing stain pooling into the pink rose colored fabric. He pulls away from the kiss for a moment to drag me higher onto the bed, climbing up onto it with me before he begins to tug at the edge of the sweater I was wearing, lifting it up to throw it over my head.

I help him pull it off, grabbing the end of the sweater and swiping it effortlessly off my body and onto the floor behind me. He gives me a pleased grin before diving back into the kiss, my torso raised from the bed a bit and I placed my hands at the side of his face, tangling through his slick hair and messing up the classy style. I smile against his lips for a moment and he eagerly tries to push himself back in between my teeth, my smile settling as I let him deepen the kiss. The room begins to be filled with pants, soft moans and the sound of our mouths latching as time goes on. The sweet smell of pre-sex filling the air and mixing with the musty and dingy smell of the hotel that I had luckily grown used to by now.

His lips begin to falter, traveling back down my collarbone as he kisses the middle of my cleavage, his eyes flashing up to meet mine as his fingers hook under the straps of my bra and let them fall, his hands then sneaking behind my back and flicking open the clasp. He moves further away for a moment to take the straps of the bra again and slide them down my arms as I raise them up, throwing it to the side before latching his mouth onto one of the perking rosebud nipples now exposed. Cupping the other breast in his large hand and gently twisting the standing pink bud, my hands comb their way back into his hair, holding his head between them as small moans fell from my lips.

The heat growing in my abdomen and the burn of my core became unbearable at this point. My panties practically leaking onto the bed from my drooling cunt, hungry and greedy for more. A feeling I had never had with anyone else before.

“James…” A new pathetic whine, it was starting to seem like the only word I could say anymore was his name. A mantra. Which I knew would probably make James happy if that were true. He lifts his head a bit, his gaze meeting mine as he curiously listens to what I was trying to say. “Touch me…please.” I beg shyly, my face burned and I was sure it had reached a new shade of pink.

The cheeky bastard detached his lips from my nipple and flashed a devilish grin as he lifts up to meet my face again and presses a tender kiss to my cheek.

“Is my sweet girl feeling impatient?” He purrs in my ear and I struggle to swallow for a moment, the words ringing in my ear. Sweet girl. I shivered. “I suppose I could give you another treat, just because you’ve been such a good girl this week,” He purrs again in my ear, knowing it made me tremble even more. There were those sweet words again: good girl.

Slipping his fingers under the waistband of my panties, he collects the arousal pooling from my cunt, gasping slightly in my ear as he keeps his face close to mine, tenderly pressing occasional kisses against my lips. “Fuck…” He growls under his breath in a deep low tone that surprises me, sending shivers down my back as he pulls his fingers away and shows me the glistening remnants of my arousal webbing on his fingers.

“You are truly divine,” He grins as he gains my reaction to my fluids clinging to his fingers. Something on my pleading face must have struck a chord in him, because he quickly went back to slipping off my panties, collecting more slick on his fingers before dipping in his middle and index. He expertly dragged the pads of his fingers along the top of my gummy walls, picking up a perfect rhythm that sent shivers up my spine in a constant spur. My thighs shook gently as he continued fingering me, being pulled closer and closer over the edge. The pitch of my moans heightened when he pressed the pad of his thumb onto my swollen clit, rubbing in slow and gentle circles that slowly began to speed up. The pressure of his thumb on the bundle of nerves becoming stronger as he continues coaxing an orgasm out of me.

“Oh god..” I shudder breathlessly as I feel the telltale squeeze inside of me, the ecstasy blossoming over and through my body. I can hear a soft deep chuckle in my ear as he feels the clench of my muscles squeeze his thick fingers.

“Go ahead, darling. Let it go..” He purrs in my ear, I can practically feel the grin on his face as I squeal, release washes over me and paints the sheets beneath me. My thighs shake harshly for a moment and he continues pressing into my clit until I whine with overstimulation.

“I am going to absolutely ravage you, darling” He growls lowly. “So that the only thing you can think of is me, how much pleasure only I can give you.”

“Would you like that?” He asks in a pleasant tone.

I quickly nod my head, my mind dizzy from my previous orgasm.

“Use your words dear, I don’t know what you’re saying.” He sneers, clearly taunting me.

“Yes.” My words come out soft, feather-like off my tongue.

“Good…” His words trail pleasantly, a sweet praise. He rises away from me and swiftly unclasps his belt and slides it out from the belt loop of his suit pants in one swoop, like a small crack of a whip. I jump a little and his gaze peers up at me momentarily and he flashes an amused grin at my momentary shock and fear.

He unbuttons his pants and lets them drop, swiftly stepping out and kicking them to the side, adding his suit jacket and unbuttoned shirt to the pile next. His gaze focused on removing the fabric as I lie with labored breathing against the bed, my eyes flicking up and down his figure as I watch him reveal more and more. I watched in awe as he smoothly removed each piece of clothing without struggle, and a fervent desperation to remove them.

“Enjoying the show?” He purrs, his gaze wandering up to me again and noticing the hard stare I bore into his body.

Embarrassed, my eyes dance away from their staring and I feel a hot flush burn through my cheeks harder than before. “No need to be embarrassed, darling.” He adds, finally free of all his clothes, his cock springing free from his boxers and leaking with a drool of precum.

He walks forward, crawling up over me again and grabbing at my thighs with both of his hands. He notices my skirt still bunched at my waist and swiftly slides it off, forcing a small gasp to erupt from my lips. My skin now bare and exposed to the slight chill in the room, I feel the body heat emanating from James. For a ghost he had quite the warm body, his skin smooth and soft, the smell of his cologne strong and invading my senses causing my head to stir. I could feel my body begging and calling for him, even if I didn’t say it myself. And I knew he could hear it screaming from the look on his face and the way he tenderly placed kisses along my shoulders and collarbone. His touch quickly became gentle and careful, slowly lifting my legs over each of his shoulders while placing kisses up to my ankles. I shivered at the soft touch, his hands sliding up and down my legs before settling at the plush of my thighs and squeezing them.

He removes one hand from my thigh and begins to tease my slick folds with the tip of his flushed cock, flicking over my clit a few times before slowly sinking into my hungry entrance. He slowly bottoms himself out, groaning softly at the feeling of my walls entrapping him, my cunt fluttering with neediness and excitement. He takes a few moments for me to adjust to the sheer girth, his length hitting just right nestled against my cervix.

I began to believe him when he said he was going to ravish me, because as soon as he found a comfortable grip on my legs and a steady rhythm, he didn’t hold back from pounding into me like a madman. Erotic squelches of my cunt began to fill the room as the fresh smell of sex began to linger in the air, the sounds of moans, rough pants and groans added to the mixture. I could barely feel my legs from the way his thighs rammed into me, but I could fully feel the hard strokes of pleasure ringing through my entire body as his pelvis occasionally hit just right against my budding clit while kissing deep against my cervix with each thrust. Groans and faltered breaths falling heavy from his lips.

I bit my lip, trying not to make too much noise with the thin walls of the hotel, practically bursting with sweet moans with each ounce of pleasure that began to well up in my throat.

James removes one of his hands from my legs and leans forward a little, folding me over and trapping me down as he continues to pound me, sliding his thumb over my bottom lip and asking for entrance where I graciously let him press his thumb against my tongue. He holds my mouth open, grinning at my obedience and the erotic look on my face.

“Now, darling. There’s no need to be quiet. Let me hear your pretty little sounds.” He purrs, and he chuckles a little as my cunt squeezes tighter against him, my face furrowing with the intense feeling. I try to release the hold I had on my moans, my mouth still forced open as he fondles the inside of my mouth, sliding under my tongue and over the roof of my mouth, occasionally I suck on it and he flashes an amused smile at me. My toes curl from over his shoulders, still trapped in his grip as he drills me into the mattress. My moans begin to erupt louder as I feel the warmth and pressure of an orgasm building inside of me.

“Fh- I’m g’na!” My words struggle as I moan, coming out as pathetic whines interrupted by the sweet sound of pleasure and laboring pants.

I see a new smile paint his face and pulls his thumb away and wraps his arm around my leg and presses the wet thumb against my clit, my back instantly arches and I let out a small scream, my head pressing into the mattress as he changes his speed to long and languid thrusts that slide almost all the way out before slamming back against my cervix causing me to visibly shiver. Each thrust pulled a moan from my throat. He watches my cunt and the way it tries to suck him back in each time he slides away.

His gaze lifts to me again and watches my breasts from my chest arching up from the curve of my spine. My thighs begin to shake as a hot burst erupts and I practically see stars as I orgasm on his cock. I let out a long scream, moaning loudly, which presents a satisfied grin on James’s face. He follows suit after, continuing to fuck into me after my orgasm until he quickly pulls out and pumps himself against my stomach, painting it and my breasts with his cum. I shudder, my eyes rolling back a bit for a moment as my eyelashes flutter, my brain and body feeling practically numb as I felt lightweight and fucked stupid.

James shudders for a second, his breath stuttering as he orgasms, his gaze quickly lifting from my cum painted body to my face where he places a tender hand to my cheek and lowers my legs from his shoulders.

“My darling, you are marvelous.” He sighs heavily as I slowly come back to reality, curling up into his chest. “How did I ever find a woman like you?” A rhetorical question, and one that made my heart squeeze.

I let out a pleased sigh as I wrap my arms around him, our chests flush together. He doesn’t seem to mind the stick of our skin from sweat and our mutual orgasms, and neither do I. Listening closely to each other’s heartbeats and slowing breaths as we lay in the now sex soaked bed together. I feel slightly relaxed from the smell of his cologne and my perfume mingling with that sweet deep smell of sex, the air thick of it now.

“James, can I be honest?” I ask, breaking the silence with my soft, slightly hoarse, voice.

“Always, dear.” His voice humming near my ear as he rests his arm over mine and around my back, encasing me in his grip.

“I don’t want to leave the hotel…I really like it here, with everyone. With you.” I admitted, knowing that after everything the conversation had been settled inside of him, but something in me wanted to explain myself and be open with him.

“I know. I know, princess.” James says comfortingly, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead as I raise my gaze, sliding my head against the covers to look up at him. Staring into those coke zero eyes I love so much.

“I wonder…what does this make us now?” I ask. James and I had never been so intimate in our relationship, everything being boiled up to this moment.

“Whatever you want it to be…” He says in this deep, soft melodic voice that makes my heart flutter and my consciousness feel lightweight. I decided to think about it later, just laying my head closer into his chest, nestling tighter in his arms, my eyes fluttering closed as I fell asleep. Hoping that this time, I might be able to wake up in his arms for once.

Let me love you, don’t mind my desperation,

Let me hold you, not just for a vacation,

But for real and for forever,

Make it real life, let me be a real wife to you,

Girlfriend, lover, mother, friend,

I adore you

-Lana Del Rey

Taglist (you can be added or removed at any time):

@fear-is-truth @xkaisxjazzxsingerx @lemoniiiiiii @jazz-berry @marchsfreakshow

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 5 MATCH 3

Elliott propaganda:

“Just look at him. Pure hunk energy.”

“I will punch anyone who dislikes him. He’s like a fire emblem character in the modern day. He’s so flamboyant and handsome, he can play the piano and he’s best friends with the old fishing man!”

“dramatic writer man with sexy hair”

"Since I like elliott. I will state some reasons why I like him

Imagine if Mr. Darcy didn’t insult your family first time you met him, that’s Elliott. The man who’s basically the hallmark romance love interest. He’s a writer who moves to the small town in the country side to find inspiration for his writing. Then he finds the farmer.

He has a crab living in his pocket

He can play the piano (hopefully it isn’t the river flows in you however)

His fans sometimes hc him as a merman and that’s just a major plus IMO

He genre of the book he writes is dependent on what genre you say you like.

He also sends letters to you if you marry him

Okay and also some things I dislike

His liked gifts, the easiest one is pomegranates, which cost like 6000g to grow a tree if you don’t pick the fruit cave. I AM NOT GETTING SQUID INK IN YEAR ONE FOR YOU.

he might be British /j

The fact he has no kitchen but still likes food like lobster, like he is just a mystery. Lives in a cabin, with no kitchen, no washroom (okay no character has a washroom), but still likes the most fancy food out there and has luscious hair worthy of a L’Oréal ad.

Gifting him on rainy days when you don’t have two hearts"

Dimitri propaganda:

“He's chivalrous, he's blood thirsty, all rolled up into one package and calling you "his beloved". Get you a man who can do both.”

“My husband <3 He's schizophrenic just like me and I love him for that.”

"First, look at him. No disrespect to the monster lovers, but even if blonde, blue-eyed hunks aren't your thing, you can't deny that Dimitri is very pretty.

Second, one of the things I love most about Dimitri is how self aware he is of his privilege as a prince (or king) and how seriously he treats the gravity of his position. He has a strong sense of duty and wants to be a good leader who listens to and provides for the needs of all of his people. This includes the citizens of Duscur, who were nearly wiped out by his own countrymen in (mistaken) retaliation for his father's murder. His commitment to righting this wrong is one of his primary goals in life.

Third, while he is more than capable of crushing a man's skull with his bare hands, under normal circumstances he absolutely wouldn't. A large part of the reason why his fall is so shocking and devastating to witness is because by the time he snaps, we know that Dimitri is actually a kind and gentle soul who hates violence and understands that even his enemies are human. Even at his worst point he still recognizes this, which feeds into his extreme self loathing. He extends compassion and forgiveness to others but struggles mightily to allow himself any forbearance for his own mistakes. He's kind quite literally to a fault, as his empathy is both his greatest strength AND his biggest flaw and I find that as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking."

"Okay first for all the "he needs therapy haha funny" (and its annoying corollary "I can fix him") comments, 1) don't we all? And 2) you can't romance him til end game when he is in a much healthier place due to his own choice to change his priorities and the support of you and his friends. He battles daily with severe mental illness in a repressed society that doesn't talk about it. And on multiple occasions tells people that it is okay to feel your feelings and offers support despite his own struggles (I include that bc that is a date able trait to me). If he's not your fave that's cool, but leave the ableist language out of it pretty please 💙💙 Okay reasons he should be your boyfriend now!!

He calls you his beloved and wants to hold your hand 🥺

His happiest moments in game are when you smile

And in conclusion, he is shaped like a dorito and has a huge cloak to snuggle you up in"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I confront my friend about doing things I suggest for the two of us with my ex instead?

I (24F), my friend Lily (24F) and my ex Jamie (25NB) have all known each other for 6 years. Jamie and I split up 5 years ago but we’re on good terms and are friends.

Within the past year I’ve been trying to hang out with Lily, but either she shoots down every idea I have or she’ll commit to it and then blow me off right before the date. Shit happens, I get it, but almost every single thing I have suggested she then goes and does with Jamie.

It started simple. We were going to watch a tv show together, Lily told me to wait for her because she wasn’t free the day the series dropped. So I waited, and then she cancelled plans to watch it with me and told me “yeah I’m just not interested in it anymore” to which I was like ok fair. But then two weeks later Jamie mentioned to me that they and Lily watched the entire show and that I might like it too. Lily’s suggestion :/

It’s not just stuff like this. Lily and I are both artists and I suggested an art trade and she agreed, I drew her character then she never drew mine and instead started a trade with Jamie. When I asked her about finishing the trade she got all snappy at me and said she didn’t have the energy to draw my character. She then drew four more of Jamie’s characters.

We were planning to get our ears pierced together, then Lily bailed last minute saying she didn’t want it anymore. A month later she got them pierced with Jamie.

I think the most egregious example was when Lily told me she wasn’t feeling good and couldn’t make it to my birthday party, but when Jamie posted a picture of the two of us at my place suddenly Lily felt better and was on her way :/

I know Lily has feelings for Jamie. Jamie told me that Lily has asked them out about 8 times and they think the crush is cute but frankly they’re not interested in Lily. But it’s beginning to really piss me off and weird me out that Lily is taking all my hang out / fun activity ideas and trying them on Jamie. I think it’s because Jamie is my ex.

For a few months I stopped hanging out with Lily at all because her flakiness was pissing me off but then she started messaging me and asking me to hang out more and saying how much she missed me. And yeah, I miss her too, but it’s getting to the point where I feel like tearing my hair out bc it feels like she’s using me for fun activities to suggest to Jamie.

So will I be the asshole if I confront her about this? Or will I just seem jealous/posessive of my ex?

What are these acronyms?

[vex-jb]

All signs collective Love reading for September

Sun, moon, Venus, most dominant planet in chart

Sagittarius: Overall energy 7 of cups~ You definitely have options in love , I see specifically that u want to pursue a particular person but u may be hesitant on moving towards this individual. So out of all the people that r in your energy there is one u would like to pursue .. your figuring out how to move towards them… let’s find out why ? Are they your soulmate or just another relationship? This person could be a water sign possibly more older or emotionally mature wanting a commitment more so than u someone new. Advice -stop controlling the situation by mentally burning yourself out and just approach this person situation more childlike and innocent give to this person move forward and give it a chance use gentleness towards this person and wisdom trust the process take a chance on love open yourself to a new opportunity in life possible increase in material / spiritual growth during this forward movement

Cancer : Overall energy the world a relationship or situation in love has now come to a conclusion. It seems for cancer that u are being held back from moving forward in love due to a past betrayal or series of betrayals. This could be in regards to false starts in relationships where the relationship never gets off the ground . A particular or multiple relationships failed at building a solid foundation, u know u deserve more your showing up as an empress… even if u don’t believe so.. u feel so strongly about this because u know your feminine energy deserves more. I see in the near future u are making a descion to move forward from a place of complacency in how u view love … making small steps towards your desired end goal. Even though u are moving forward and u know u should, u could still be harboring the betrayals of the past in your subconscious… be careful bc this could cause a delay in favorable love outcomes if u can’t let go of the pain of the past having this fear stuck in your mind will keep u stagnant fearful bc u will operate from your shadow and push good outcomes away… like I see u will have options in love but u could ignorantly ignore the best option bc of fear/ self sabotage then get upset bc u are still in the same cycle. This 10 of swords in your subconscious shouldn’t be your motivator in love … anyways the future does show a new commitment coming towards u it will be presented but this love offer is just showing as a offer that will come but will it stay and bear fruit ? How will u handle this situation when it comes? .. nevertheless this ace of pentacles moves to the 9 of pentacles so u could decide to stay single because it’s not worth your value or for the other half this opportunity can become fruitful where it bring a more higher confident version of yourself this love situation can uplift u and make u a better person, you’ll be finally evolving bc of this love that came into you’re life.. a fire sign could be coming towards u this is a new person most likely. Look at this situation from a higher perspective. You will be overwhelmed by options in love but ultimately u will get the 9 of cups u will be come emotionally and physically content. I see u will walk away from past betrayal and no longer staying in such cycles … believe in yourself trust in what u deserve don’t let anyone sway u to repeat bad habits behaviors in love

U have the 2 of cups ace of pentacles 9 of cups 9 of pentacles I believe the omen is very favorable u will be happy and find a worthwhile person to spend time with and get to know take care of yourself first and the world will take care of u

Aquarius : 6 of Wands overall energy , u look good right now u are riding on your high horse recently u have been victorious with other things in life which is giving u a sense of confidence pride in love. I look desirable and have a lot of admires at this time… that being said will all this ray of internal empowerment to move forwards and be successful especially in love u face a problem of walking away from the past something is haunting u ? But whatever this is that is still keeping u stuck from fully moving into this new chapter in love it WILL ultimately come to an end. It has been done judgement energy. It is time to burn away the past ang embrace the future. The past was influenced by the 5 of swords and moon so there was a illusion deception betrayal that u we’re not fully aware of but ur intuition is aware but u don’t want to believe or face the facts… I’m sorry Aqua. This could be in regards to a fire sign male or female specifically Aries I see both genders tho and this could be any fire sign … or this is a woman that embodies the queen of wands…this betrayal had to do with someone u were dealing with who hid that they were dealing with options … this was concealed from u they didn’t want u to know. but both u and the 3rd party were being betrayed this person is not someone who had good intention their motives in love is to have the upper hand win at all cost betray people to stay on top so it has nothing to do with u or the other person this person u we’re dealing with is not a good person at all and the fact they lied to u shows that if they told u the truth u would have never dealt with them anyways they intentionally put u in this situation and other before u. Anyways moving forward now that u may have gotten some clarity on this situation your unconscious part of u is in the 9 of Wands this is how u feel. I are resilient but u must use your intuition moving forward. A part of u will be gone death is on the future for you to move forward confidently knowing who u are as a woman or Man U are worth and u are great ❤️. Even tho u are definitely walking away from the past and the past is DONE. U feel down in the dumps but ur manifestation of love is going to manifest in this next chapter in your life u could have been actively manifesting and this is coming u will have a new fu fresh long term commitment steady mature but don’t allow past archetypes that aren’t for your best interest to enter your new chapter…

Scorpio : overall energy in love we have the queen of pentacles I see that u are operating in a more grounder mature way what is worth your while ? Being a bit bougie with what u put time in and what comes in contact with u is it in your best interest ? … in love your problem seems to lie in regards to being comfortable with the investments u have put in ? U may have been tied to people ( multiple people in your energy not serious energies more so having fun groupies options non committal fling energies ? Giving less than the bare minimum to your fans? These energies of the past nevertheless isn’t worth your future seems very immature and not on your level/potential… idk why u are catering to such energies but I don’t see u are focused heavily just they are just … there ? Idk this is weird energy male or female collective seems a bit like player energy. For some of u u are still attached to unhealthy connections groupies sex it looks like an addiction of temporary fufillement that u are attached too .. for the scorpios who are attached to multiple energies it’s a addiction u have. That’s all I’m gunna say I’m not reading deeper into that but maybe this is so that u r aware this is indeed a addiction bad habit that u are invested in and it feels unfortunate because u have a divine counterpart that is on your level but u aren’t focused or can’t see that they are. They could already be in your environment or in the near future but this is someone mature and head strong king of pentacles she/he doesn’t play games or waste time she/he doesn’t chase… I’f they r not in your environment they soon will be… anyways your conscience and unconscious are opposing one another y are tied to a addiction but u want a new start a new beginning. I’m just guessing but u think this addiction is tied too heartbreak and u are just filling yourself with a distraction u don’t see your worth u see yourself or feel deep down the 3 of swords u are motivated by this influence… nevertheless their will be a elimination of some sort from your external environment a truth will come to light this is the whole overall energy coming toward u u fear this energy that is coming but u do want it lol … the outcome is the king of cups u will reach clarity mature emotionally in some way about this situation.. a truth will be revealed about how u pursue or invite love …

Pisces : emotionally exhausting is the overall energy in your reading lol your current energy in love is the queen of cups so u are focused on your emotional nature what u emotionally value but to go in depth this emotional focused energy u have is regarding your past … there is an issue of the past that u are emotionally invested in in a unhealthy manner, u need to make peace with the past dude . This focus u have is in regards to a past betrayal has to do with a particular person this could be a Scorpio specifically ( u can read the situation for Scorpio above) who put u in a 3rd party situation intentionally ghosting you moving on from, someone no longer was interested in this situation and thought long and hard before making a descion. So don’t embarrass yourself by looking for answers.. the answer was leaving u and not wasting your or their time anymore. Anyways moving forward in this reading I see u want to impulsively act towards a past outcome or person not thinking before reacting or speaking ( lol please don’t ) take the pain for what it is and move forward slowly but surely. If u impulsively react or refocus on the past u may find yourself in the devil energy back in a cycle bound to an emotional addiction feeding ur shadow your ego your flesh break from this addiction. You are the empress and u know it u are worthy of much more focus on what u hope for true love get out of your emotional toxic comfort and move on to a brighter future there is better waiting. U could have a karmic attachment to this individual…

Aries:

Overall energy for Aries is the world so there has been a conclusion with your past. You could’ve been dealing with multiple people/ options in love and you may have came to the conclusion that that lifestyle or those energies that you were dealing with have come to a close, you could have realized that there was no long-term potential with these people that you were dealing with and you may feel a bit sad stressed, anxious about the fact that it didn’t work out with these people or energies you were dealing with, but you do have to have strength and self-control in yourself and believe and walk away move forward.. It was not a balanced situation multiple people were acting from their lower nature all the people came out in reverse so all of these people were not good for you at all, these people wouldn’t have supported you long-term and coming to this conclusion you could feel a bit trapped in your head stressed because u feel it never works out for you, but your spirit guys are calling you to look in, take time by yourself and just chill and do simple things by yourself. Don’t act impulsively or irrationally in regards to the past or the people that you were dealing with because you know that the chapter is done and closed you fear walking away and moving forward the outcome shows that you will ultimately move into the new chapter and walk away from it all how fast depends on you, but you will move forward, but there’s a fear and to overcome this fear because there’s a lot of fear here insecurity with what you truly deserve and what you really worth u need to go and just chill alone and speak to yourself in a high value type of way to resist the urge to stay stuck thinking about people that would’ve never served your best interest long-term.

Virgo: overall energy is the 4 of pentacles u could be preserving your energy and abundance at this time not wanting to share u recently rebuilt your stability and don’t want to recklessly share with just anyone u want something long term in love and don’t care for anything less serious than that. The wheel of fortune is in your favor so u may be coming in contact with a opportunity in love with a significant person but it’s up to you to seen beyond illusions of self or external factors to stay in your comfort zone or look beyond. U will have to make a decision if u want to invest in this person that is coming toward u. Dragon fly confirmation

Capricorn over energy is the magician in love matters u definitely actively manifesting your wish fulfillment in romance. This manifestation could be a new beginning in love no past energy. I see your approach or how u view love in an innocent child like way something to do with your inner child is showing in the cards. A new lover could be coming towards u that is more older and established. This person will help u evolve. All the cards here are favorable this is a good omen I would suggest to continue to have faith and let your inner child believe and manifest this lover into your reality. this person coming toward u can have water specifically pisces or scorpio in their chart as well they have a transformative aura about them the bring change where they go. They have mastered their emotions and have a lot of self control their archetype is the sea serpent. Operating from their shadow they are not someone to get one over. This is someone who doesn’t play games and my advice is to respect their autonomy and be mature and self controlled yourself do not act childish or immature this is someone who may not tolerate games. Be the high value self u are ❤️

Libra: overall energy is the 5 of swords this is the energy in the midst between u and a particular person u were or are dealing with. Possible tit for tat ? There is a lack of movement on a descion on your part to continue entertaining this energy to not look back. U know it’s time to walk away but u kinda don’t want too? I see pain in the future 10 of swords and 9 of wands the whole spread is not very good. To be frank with u this situation no longer servers u and u are beating a dead horse why ? To continue getting heartbroken like a broken old record… what r u trying to prove by dealing with this bs ? I see that u are trying to bring justice to the situation your trying to be fair it seems like your acting like u must do all the work to bring balance to the situation but it can’t be one sided Libra cut your loses it’s not your job to resolve everything especially when it’s of no use time after time a cycle u r stuck in in love bc your lack of making descions to let go for your own good stop doing all the emotional labor for people who don’t care … u need to have strength meditate on the tarot card strength what is it how do u apply it to yourself this card comes out to have self control of YOUR OWN life it’s time to take care of yourself and your wounds that’s the justice in this situation. U may feel apathetic maybe u don’t believe u deserve more idk but the ace of cups came u will receive an offer that is what u have been wanting all along just with the wrong people. I have a lot of potential u deserve more don’t fear walking in your power u know u want to :) the outcome shows the 3 of swords take my advice or not but these are lesson u unfortunately need to undergo before you can get what God has in store for u …

Leo: overall energy in love is the king of wands

Owning your power feeling confident radiating charismatic powerful energy regardless of your fem or masc u look good right now and feel confident in your love life the cards coming out are all favorable and great omens I see u are focused on what u value in love, knowing what u want is great for attracting your desired love outcome:) keep doing whatever your doing Leo ! u are currently attracting a equally yoked partnership I feel like it’s a new energy coming towards you, u are radiating beautiful energy a beacon of light drawing in your significant partner. This person will feel familiar like home in a safe way u will intuitively know they are worth while when u come in contact with them trust your intuition keep vibing high to draw in this lover faster❤️

Also the energy is blunt but with love I love u guys and I hope u find someone who really adores u and fills your cup up all are worthy of love 💕

GEMINI, TAURUS READINGS LEFT !!! ~ I’m sick so please bare with me

Speaking out loud to the community but I am thinking of doing all signs readings each month and then every sign during the weeks of the month not sure yet how I will arrange the each signs per week .. 🤔 I will also be doing free readings for first come first in the future so look out for that ! follow and like and share 😏



[ahundredtimesover]

A little something from our PLM couple 🥰

Title: Please Love Me Bonus 08 - The Aftermath

WC: 15,116

Tags/Warnings: angst; mentions of pregnancy/having a family; mentions of illness; fluff; explicit sexual content (making out, nipple play, thigh-riding ish, pillow missionary bc yes, unprotected vaginal sex); JK Dreamers MV behind with the exposed arm

Series Masterlist

Jungkook’s eyes are the prettiest you’ve ever seen.

You remember how they used to look back at you when you were kids - wide and bright, curious and full of wonder; they shone like stars even during the day. 

You remember how they’d started to become livelier as you grew older - they held in them this playful mischief that was always endearing to you, even if the adults often called him out for being a rascal.

His eyes had become distant to you by the time you were in high school, though you’d still catch glimpses of them when he wasn’t looking. There was still that way it would shine like an entire galaxy, just as much as it held in them the recklessness of a teenager vying for attention. 

But Jungkook spoke his emotions through them just as much as he held his heart on his sleeves. And though you recall a time when his piercing gaze used to unsettle you when he was just coming into terms with your marriage arrangement, all that has faded away at your reality that this man is in love with you, and all you’ve been seeing is passion and care and an unyielding glimmer of trust and commitment. It’s been over 3 years and despite the rare moments of frustration and hurt that you’ve seen in them, his eyes would always show you love.

“Done staring at my face?” He teasingly mumbles with his gruff voice. 

“Not yet,” you softly smile, snuggling up to him a little closer. 

You want to hold onto this look of his a little longer - sleepy eyes and messy hair, soft against the white linens of your shared bed and the sunlight seeping through the windows. You want to hold onto it if only to forget about last night - the defeat on his face, the bottled up frustrations, the way his voice cracked as he told you how you hurt him, how he tried to control his cries, and how he’d let you walk out of that guest room to be alone and away from you. 

“You came,” you continue, gently tracing his face and missing how it felt.

“It’s hard to sleep without you,” he says, “even if we’re far apart. I don’t like waking up and not knowing if you’re there.”

The memory hits him as he utters the words - the fight from years ago and watching you walk away from him, then waking up to find that you were gone. The fear crippled him then, even more after learning about the truth. He’d promised himself after that night that unless he’s physically unable, he’ll never sleep without you, that the security of your presence and of your hold would trump any other emotion he’s feeling at the moment. Like now.

“It’s hard to sleep without you, too,” you reply, your voice almost cracking. “I’m sorry, Kook, I—”

He stops you with a shake of his head. “We don’t need to talk about it right now. It’s been a hard week.”

There’s something new in his eyes. Submission, maybe? It’s almost like he’s pleading - pleading for you to let it pass this time, to not let it linger - and all you could do is follow. This is the most that you could do for him after all that you’ve done. 

“Okay,” you hum. Perhaps the wounds are still fresh; maybe he’s letting everything still sink in. It’s much better than the past few days, and you’ll take what you can get.

He responds with a soft smile and a kiss on your forehead and one on your lips. You sigh into it and all your other thoughts melt away. Right now, this is all you need.

“I’ll make us some breakfast,” he says, slowly getting up. “The kids have a soccer game today. Are you okay to watch?”

“Of course,” you perk up, wanting so badly to be out of the house and in a place bursting with energy. “I’ll wash up and head down.”

Jungkook’s eyes are glued to the TV while you both eat, and you convince yourself that this is him, claiming that sense of normalcy after a week of being cooped up in his home office, stressed and frustrated. You don’t want to think it has anything to do with him not knowing how to fill the silence that you both used to comfortably share. 

You place your hand on top of his once he's finished his meal, and as if it’s reflex for him, he squeezes it in response. It’s that bit of comfort you need and you don’t ask for more.

Neither one of you says much as you both get ready, choosing to let the music fill the air, the same way you do once you’re in the car. He holds your hand while he drives, though, and despite the absence of his usual affection - none of the kisses, the loving glances, the declarations of love - you know it’s somehow still there.

“Hey, everything okay?”

Yeri asks as she hugs a tutu-clad Ji-a on her lap, all ready for her ballet class after the game. 

“Yeah, just getting used to being outside, I guess,” you chuckle, appreciating the cool breeze this Saturday morning. 

“Ah, seemed like you zoned out a bit. Soojin almost hit a goal,” she informs you.

You turn towards the field and see your niece with that frustrated look on her face, the one she has on when she misses a shot. You hadn’t even noticed, as your eyes had been focused on your husband - on the sidelines with Junghyun as substitute coach for your brother. 

You’d wandered towards Jungkook’s direction almost immediately after you sat down, waiting for his usual questioning look of concern or that sweet smile he has whenever you’re separated but in the same place. But your gaze hasn’t moved, and you haven’t even realized that you’ve been absent-mindlessly looking his way, so you can tell he hasn’t even glanced at you. 

You’re both okay, you tell yourself. This is normal after a fight. You’re reminded that after last night’s confrontation, you and Jungkook hadn’t talked yet - about how you hurt him and how you can do better. Perhaps he’s still processing everything; maybe there’s still some ache left. And that should be fine; there’s nothing to worry about. 

“Yay!” Ji-a squeals, and you see Soojin celebrating on the field, running to the bench to high-five Jungkook, Junghyun, and Soyeon. 

You cheer with them, hopelessly waiting for your husband to look your way, but he never does.

He still takes your hand during lunch with your family though. He also sits next to you on your couch with his arm over the backrest when his friends decide to come over in the afternoon to play games and have dinner. And at night, he lets you lay on his chest as you both talk about the day - the kids being so excited about your upcoming family trip, Taehyung’s plan of proposing to his girlfriend, and Jimin declaring that he wants to be a dad, regardless of how it happens.

It’s what reminded you of the thoughts you’ve been having since the other night and all of the things that Jungkook had made you realize.

“Honey, I was thinking about what you said,” you say softly, eyes to the ceiling as you painfully recall. “Sometimes I think that I already know how to handle living with my condition and I figured out ways to not let it bother others but then… you’re right, about everything. It’s not something I should just brush off. I wouldn’t want you keeping things that serious from me, too.”

You look at him, apologetic eyes meeting his soft ones. “And I still have a lot to learn about being a partner, about being a wife… and being more honest and open and yeah, maybe it wouldn’t be easy for us to go through the process of pregnancy and having kids unless I’ve learned to communicate better about my needs and my struggles. Maybe… maybe it isn’t time yet.”

You’re met with silence, and you turn to Jungkook for any form of affirmation - that he’d heard you, that he agrees. 

Caught off guard, he merely nods, hoping you don’t notice the way his face falls at your words. Of all the things he’d said, that’s what he regrets the most. 

How the hell can we have our own kids if you can’t even communicate with me? If you can’t even tell me what you’re feeling? 

They ring in his head like a bad dream, one that he can’t escape from. He’d said them in a moment of frustration, of desperation, and he wants nothing more than to take them back right now, just so you won’t pass up on the one thing you want more than anything - a family. 

He hates himself for what his words have come to mean to you. Clearly, he didn’t mean that you’re not yet ready to become a mother, but it’s how you took it. And now, you’re here, believing that your inability to communicate what you’re feeling is what’s keeping you from becoming one. 

Jungkook knows you’re more than capable, and communication is something that you - that both of you - can work on. He’s the one who’s been so afraid to commit to having a family because of what it would mean for you, something he’s come to realize is also a bit selfish on his part because you’re the one who’d be physically going through the pregnancy, who’d be struggling and who’d be in pain, yet he’s the one who can’t get past all that to be able to give you something you want, which he knows deep down is something that he wants, too. 

Yet a part of him remains disappointed, that in an effort to patch up your relationship, you feel the need to concede to him, to reconsider the one thing that he knows is most important to you, to put yourself down, as if admitting that you’re not yet ready was caused by him. 

As he was days ago, he’s upset and hurt. He wants to hold you tighter, tell you that you’re wrong, assure you that you’ll both work together on communicating, and that should make everything alright moving forward. 

But as Jungkook has come to realize, he’s not all that good at dealing with complicated emotions like this, at reconciling how the person he loves the most can let him down. He’s not even over what happened last week and the words you’d both exchanged, and now here he is again, wanting to comfort you while feeling a mix of guilt and disappointment.

He decides against holding you tighter. You’ve fallen asleep already and he admits missing your soft snores and the way your warm breath hits his skin. He lets you stay there, comfortable and safe, while he wallows in his own emotions and stays up the entire night.

Jungkook falls asleep right before the sun rises, and that means he sleeps through the entire morning and is awakened by your caresses on his arm.

He grumbles when you tell him that lunch is ready.

“Hey, honey. Come on,” you say, removing the bangs off his forehead and kissing it. “I had Mrs. Na make tangsuyuk. I know you’ve been craving it.”

“Oh, she’s here?” He asks, eyes now half open.

“Mother made her come over to send me tea and fruits and I thought to ask her to prepare our lunch,” you respond.”

“Okay. I’ll be down in a bit.”

You excitedly wait for him in the dining room. You’d wanted to go for a walk in the park with him earlier but he slept in. You can’t imagine how tired he is so you let him be. You’re thinking that perhaps you can spend the afternoon watching movies or something, perhaps cuddle and make up for the week that was. 

But Jungkook doesn’t seem to want any quiet, as he puts the TV on blast while he watches soccer highlights. You don’t get any word in as his eyes are glued to the screen. You only get to say anything when he checks his phone and groans, dropping it on the table seemingly out of frustration.

“Everything okay?” You ask.

“Yeah, just work stuff,” he responds dryly. “I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Well, then do you want to—”

“Is Mrs. Na staying?” He unknowingly interjects. “I was planning to go to the gym in the afternoon but I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Oh, I can ask her to,” you say dejectedly, masking the disappointment. “But yeah, you should go to relieve your stress. Will you be gone long?”

“Not sure,” he shrugs. “I’ll let you know.”

You nod and pick on your food now, suddenly losing your appetite. You don’t miss the thought that right before you and Jungkook had that confrontation, he’d gone to the gym as you suggested so that he could spend time on his own because he didn’t seem to want to spend it with you. That was just 2 days ago, and now he’s going back. You hate to think it’s the same reason and he’s only being subtle about it now.

Maybe it’s still too much for him. Maybe he hasn’t gotten over what happened the other night. That’s a lot to process, you remind yourself; even you haven’t done it because you don’t know how to. But he’s the one who doesn’t want to talk about it, and you hate to think that this time, he’s the one avoiding it, masking it, sweeping it under the rug until he’s finally ready to face it. 

You both finish your lunch and Jungkook heads to your room to fix up. He gives you a forehead kiss before he leaves. 

“Text me, okay?” You remind him.

“I will. Text me, too, if you, uh, if you feel anything.”

It’s 3 hours later when you send a message. 

Hey, Kook. Mrs. Na and I will bake some cakes. Craving for anything specific? ☺️

But he doesn’t reply. An hour later, you check on him again.

Hey, honey. Hope you’re not overworking yourself. What time will you be home?

And again.

Kook? Will you be back in time for dinner?

And again.

Everything okay?

He finally replies at 7PM, 6 hours after he left. 

Sorry. Was about to leave earlier but my boxing trainer got back from his leave so we did some rounds. He convinced me to get a massage so I did. Masseuse was great. She got rid of my knots. 

Oh and yeah, I’ll be home in 20.

Jungkook reads your messages over and over again. He isn’t the type to not text back when it comes to you, and you know that. He regularly uses you as his daily journal, in fact, sending you memes or texts of what he’s doing or what he’s seen on the way to somewhere. 

It isn’t like him to not update you about anything for this long unless he’s physically incapable. In this case, he’d purposely avoided his phone, knowing there would be a message or two from you. And he couldn’t bring himself to read them when the reason why he’s here is to rid himself of all the emotions that he’s feeling for and because of you.

He feels that staying at home with you would give you both an opportunity to talk about what happened, and he’s not yet ready for that. 

Every time he thinks of what he felt as he recalls that day of driving to the hospital to you, he feels numb and useless. There’s that feeling of dread and paralyzing fear. There’s also that disbelief that you could hide something so important from him, and this is always mixed with a tinge of betrayal alongside the resounding pain. He just wants to hold you in his arms to make all the ache go away, but the way you look at him burns. He wants to hear your voice and know you’re okay but he doesn’t want your apologies. 

He thought hearing you speak that night would calm his heart. He thought crawling into bed with you right after just so he can keep his promise of not spending a night away from you would push him towards forgiveness and acceptance. He thought that talking about the fight to someone would help him make sense of things. 

But he’s still left with a slew of emotions that he doesn’t know what to do with, that he doesn’t know how to make sense of or control. It’s why he decided to pass up on spending this lazy Sunday with you and head to the gym instead so he could release whatever he needs to release in there and not to you again. 

He promised himself after that night, seeing you cry and looking helpless and apologetic, that he wouldn’t unload all his thoughts and feelings about you to you. Much as you’re still his daily journal, he reckons that maybe, not when it comes to you. If he needs to be apart from you to save you from his own inability to understand and temper what he feels, then he will. He just hopes he doesn’t push you too far. 

Was love always this hard? Is it meant to be? Isn’t it supposed to be natural? Of course, your situation is different. You were both thrust into this arrangement and were lucky enough to fall in love. But after learning, isn’t it supposed to be easy, effortless? Like the love is just overflowing, unyielding, easy to understand?

And as you reply with your sweetness still echoing through - Oh Kook, get some rest when you get here. Is there anything else you want? Just let me know. Can’t wait to see you ☺️ - he can’t help it; his heart just breaks even more for you.

Jungkook comes home to handmade pasta and a chicken dish that you said Mrs. Na taught you to make. You also didn’t know what cake he wanted so you made cheesecake cups and a chocolate one and another one with mangoes. It’s delicious, as he expected, and your joyful face as you were making these while thinking of him flashes in his mind. He hates that he missed it, but he also knows that spending the entire day at the gym was the best thing that he could’ve done.

He does the dishes while you linger in the kitchen, asking about the most mundane things. Perhaps it’s to fill the silence, or maybe to convince you - or him - that things are normal. 

Any time that Jungkook feels like you’ll bring up something from the other night or the past week, he gets to you first, asking about other trivial things, too. In truth, he’s just scared of how another conversation with you about your issues would go. He’s learning now that he’s not good with communication, too.

How does he tell you he loves you without downplaying how you disappointed him? How does he tell you that you hurt him without hurting you back? How can he verbalize all these things he’s feeling without looking so helpless to you? 

“Kook?”

Your voice shakes him out of his thoughts, and he realizes he’s been rinsing the same bowl for the past 5 minutes. 

“Yeah?” He asks, not making eye contact. 

He hears you sigh and he briefly closes his eyes to brace himself for another question or statement he’s probably not ready for while also thinking of something to possibly change the topic, but instead you ask if he’s going to work tomorrow.

“Uh, yeah. I have to check one of the sites,” he replies. “Have Mrs. Na come over tomorrow, okay? You’ll be fine here?”

“Yeah, I guess,” you hum, looking away now. “I’ll go to the studio on Tuesday, though. I confirmed 2 classes.”

“Oh, okay,” he huffs. “You’re cleared to go back to work?”

“Dr. Kwon cleared me. As long as I don’t do anything strenuous or too stressful, it’s back to normal for me,” you state. “Plus, I miss the kids. I need some joy and laughter to fill my days. It’s… it’s been a while.”

Jungkook takes a deep breath to keep himself from asking further. He chooses to gloss over the insinuation that there hasn’t been anything worthy of joy and laughter in your days this past week. He doesn’t want to get into it right now.

“Okay then, if he says so.”

You wait for a follow up - perhaps his usual instruction to be careful and call me for anything, but it doesn’t come. There’s no playful banter, either. There’s no invite for a movie or wine and chocolate at the balcony like how your Sundays usually are, and you’ve come to think yourself silly for even expecting it. 

He yawns and it’s your cue, so you tell him to go to bed and prepare for what surely is gonna be another long week ahead.

“What about you?” He asks.

“I’ll drink my tea on the balcony. It’s a nice night,” you reply, wanting to be alone with your thoughts. And well, for him to miss you even for just a little bit.

“Alright, just don’t stay up too late, yeah? It’s cold out.”

You nod and his gaze on you lingers, his eyes telling you that he wants to say more - do more - but that he chooses to hold back. And you let him, thinking that if it’s time he still needs to sort out his feelings, then that’s what you’ll give him. He still speaks to you, after all, and sleeps next to you. Given all that’s happened, you know you can’t complain.

But he kisses your forehead, and suddenly you feel like crying. But you hold back, knowing that the tension would just build and neither of you seems ready to face it. 

The lone tear eventually falls though, an hour later after you’ve had your tea and you’ve washed up. The lights are off in the room save for your bedside lamp, and you can see the rise and fall of Jungkook’s chest as he peacefully sleeps on his back. You lay on your side, facing away from him. It’s shortly after when you feel him shift and then his arm wraps around your middle.

“Goodnight,” he whispers.

He loves you. So much. You know this. But it’s the unsaid things that you’re afraid of, that you worry about. It’s knowing he has more to say but that he doesn’t seem to want to share them with you. It’s missing the routines and habits. It’s the uneasiness of possibly doing or saying something again that would make everything boil over. It’s the insecurity of all your faults and shortcomings surfacing. It’s the fear of not knowing how to handle it the next time you’re faced with them again. 

It’s wanting to hold his hand despite it all and knowing that you’d go through this over and over again if it means loving each other much better at the end of it. 

You pull his arm tighter around you and sigh into his hold, taking as much as you possibly can.

“Goodnight,” you whisper back. “Sleep well, Kook.”

The cafe across the street from the art studio is chic and cozy. It’s an apartment that was transformed into a commercial space and it’s retained its homey feel, a perfect fit in this neighborhood that lets you forget for a moment that you’re in the middle of the buzzing city of Seoul. 

It’s also where you’re meeting Junghyun this Tuesday mid-morning, as he’s coming from an early meeting with an investor nearby.

“Hi,” you greet him with a hug, exhaling deeply as if you haven’t had something that comforting in a while. And well, you really haven’t. 

“Looked like you really needed that, huh,” he smiles kindly.

“I did. I still do,” you respond. 

It’s the statement that leads you to narrating the past week with your husband to the older man - from the cold treatment, the confrontation, and how that night ended.

Junghyun merely nods, hums, and sips his coffee.

“Jungkook brought you up, you know?” You say softly. “About how I trust you the way I do and that I don’t do the same with him.”

“I know,” Junghyun replies, surprising you. “He told me.”

“When? He talked to you about it? What did he say?”

“He mentioned it. During the soccer game, in the middle of coaching,” he chuckles, remembering how he and his brother went from drawing plays and encouraging the little kids to talking seriously about your marriage. “He didn’t go into detail the way you just did but he said he lost it, said a bunch of things that he regrets, and that hearing about you being in the ER from me triggered something in him. Deja vu for him, I guess, because I’m the one who told him about your sickness.”

“What else did he say?”

“He apologized to me, said that he shouldn’t have brought me into it, that he feels silly for being jealous and I told him that he doesn’t have a reason to be.”

“Oh,” you sigh. “I didn’t know he felt that way.”

“Is that all that you don’t know?” He pushes.

You shake your head no, and Junghyun has that look again like he knows there’s more, and like always, you give in. You talk about feeling distant from your husband, how - despite the care and the goodnight hug and kiss - he still feels so far away, like he’s deliberately creating space between the both of you with only his hand out far enough to let you know that he’s still there, but not close enough for you to feel that he wants things back to the way they were. Or that he’s ready for it.

“I mean, it’s much better than how we were last week and that’s at least something to be thankful for. But I…” you continue, feeling the tears forming in your eyes. “I don’t know how to make him talk to me. I don’t know what he’s feeling, I don’t know how to make it up to him or to make things better. I don’t know… I don’t know how to make him want me again.”

“Hey, I’m sure he does,” Junghyun nudges your knee. “You both just experienced something scary, okay? And then had to deal with the consequences of you keeping things from him. Those are a lot of emotions to process and manage. I can tell that he’s having a hard time. Especially when expressing those emotions caused you some hurt, too. You know that he can’t stand to see or even know you’re crying, like right now.”

Junghyun takes the napkin from the table and wipes your tears, thinking how he’s not used to this sight because you rarely ever become emotional like this. 

“I keep crying, I don’t know why,” you sniff.

“It’s because you’re not used to Jungkook not expressing himself, that’s why,” he states. “He always wears his heart on his sleeves, unafraid to speak his mind. He may be unhinged sometimes but it’s because he always keeps the door open - for you to read him, to comfort him… It’s just not the case right now. And that’s hurting you, too.”

“Why… why is he keeping me out this time?” You wonder, your voice shaking. 

“Maybe he’s not yet ready to talk about it. But if it’s bothering you that much, then assert yourself and don’t give him a choice,” he advises. “___, my brother loves you beyond I or even he can express. He won’t be able to resist you. But maybe he’s also just used to you being the one keeping things in and him being the assertive one. But you have to fight for him, too, you know? Face the issue and talk to him. I told him the same thing but he just shrugged. So if it’s not him then it should be you. You have to. I’m sure you miss him just as much as he misses you.”

“I miss him a lot,” you pout. “I miss him so much.”

“Then do something about it.”

When Junghyun advised you to do something about missing your husband, perhaps he wasn’t thinking of you going to the office with a surprise lunch for Jungkook. You recall him saying this morning that he was just gonna have a meeting in the morning and then stay in the office to work on reports. 

You walk in the reception area outside his room, beef noodle soup in hand, and ask his secretary if he can be disturbed.

“Oh, he’s still in a meeting, Mrs. Jeon,” So-hee informs you. “It was extended so Mr. Jeon and Ms. Wong decided to have lunch. He did say they’re almost done some time ago so—”

A woman and a man’s joint laughter interrupts her, and your husband and his companion - an investor for his project - walk in, clearly still enjoying their conversation. You’re thankful you at least get to hear his laugh and his excited voice this time. There’s that boyish smile you miss, too.

“___, hey,” he calls you worriedly and walks up to you. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, honey. I just wanted to, uh,” you respond, looking at the meal you brought. “I thought you haven’t had lunch yet so I got you something but you can uh… I guess I’ll just take this home and—”

“No, I’ll take it,” he says, taking the bag from your hands. “I just have to give something to Ms. Wong and I’ll get back to you, okay?”

You nod in reply and smile at the woman who greets you. You watch them walk to his room and from the half opened door, you see him go through some documents that he gives to her. She walks out and bows at you, and that’s what you hear Jungkook call your name.

He’s leaning on his desk facing the door when you enter, his smile with less vigor this time. You had planned on checking up on him, stupidly thinking you’d have an opening to ask how he’s feeling. Clearly, this isn’t the time nor place to be talking about something so personal, but after speaking with Junghyun earlier, you just had this urge to see your husband, comfort him in some way, and seek his affirmation about the both of you.

“The soup smells good, but we just had lunch, I’m sorry,” he says. “I’ll have this for snacks, I promise.”

“It’s okay, Kook. No need to force it,” you smile. 

“Fuck, you came here to surprise me with lunch and I’m not even eating it,” he sighs. “And Father called for another meeting in a bit and I—”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” you assure him. “I just thought of dropping by uninvited and I didn’t expect you to be free. I just wanted to see you, that’s all. But I’ll go and prepare for my afternoon class.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Kook,” you force a smile.

Jungkook takes the container out of the bag and that’s when he sees it - a napkin doodle of a man, perhaps him, kissing a woman, perhaps you, on the forehead. 

Something he’s learned about you is that you skirt around conversations when you’re afraid or uncomfortable to have them. He’d long figured out that you’re not as expressive with words as you are with your art. You’d said once that you don’t “keep emotions in” or bottle them inside because you don’t want to talk about or face them; you just express them in other ways, like through painting or doodles - brush strokes and curved lines of feelings that you can’t verbalize, sometimes because you can’t find the words and other times, because words aren’t enough.

He sees beyond the unsure smile and the way you’re clasping your hands together. And right as you say goodbye and turn around to pull open the door, he puts his hand over yours and pushes it close again.

“You didn’t just come here to bring me lunch,” he says softly, seeing right through you. “You wanted to tell me something.”

Trapped between him and the door, you turn your head and look up to face him. You want to say that while yes, you wanted to talk, it’s also not the right time. You want to say that it can wait tonight, that you’ll be okay, that he should focus on his work and not worry about you. 

But you let yourself be selfish, brave, unhinged. 

“You feel distant, Kook,” you finally say, voice like a whisper. “I want to reach out but I don’t know how.”

The sight before him is one that breaks his heart, perhaps more than seeing you in tears. Your eyes are glassy, clearly on the brink of crying, and your lips are quivering; you have to nibble and bite them to stop. This hurts him more because he knows you’re holding yourself back, and when you finally let go and let it all out, it’ll probably be when you’re back home, alone, where he can’t comfort you, hold you.

“I…” he starts, on the brink of losing it, too. “I know, and I’m so sorry.”

There’s a beat of silence where you just look at each other, and it’s Jungkook who looks away first. 

“I kept it all in last week because you were the one who needed care and attention,” he continues. “And I just couldn’t hold it back anymore that’s why that night happened, and I’m so sorry for that, too.”

You shake your head no but he counters, saying that he shouldn’t have said things the way he did, that he knows he could’ve talked to you more calmly. 

“But I just… I’m left with so many feelings that I don’t know how to deal with. I’m not used to this much, and this intense, nor this contradicting.” 

He covers his eyes with his hand, and much as you want to hug him and make the pain go away, somehow you know that you have to swim through this - face all this, and you can only do that with that distance in between the two of you. 

“It was the secrets, the worry, the concern over how we’re gonna move forward without hurting each other even more… and then that guilt over what I said, and you, taking it to heart.”

“What do you mean?” You ask.

“You said that maybe you aren’t ready for a family,” he recalls. “Because I said you can’t communicate well with me and I—”

“Kook, hey, that’s not on you,” you interject, rushing towards him now and taking his hands in yours. “I know that I have to learn to be better and that’s part of us preparing to become parents, like what we said we’d do.”

“Yes, but you didn’t think of that until I said something,” he counters. “It’s just like you pausing on doing your own pieces for exhibitions - your dream - so you could keep your job at the firm and continue teaching the kids. And now, you want to pause from becoming a mother, too. You’re holding out on things and I just… I hate myself for that, for making you doubtful. For not knowing how to ease your pain. But I’m also upset with you for hiding things from me, for conceding all the time, and for hurting me. But I also hurt you and I… fuck, it’s just a lot. And I don’t know what to do. You’re who I run to about everything but suddenly, I find it difficult to do that.”

Jungkook is heaving by the time he finishes. It’s a lot to take in for you, too. 

Your thoughts crumble when So-hee knocks on the door, informing your husband that the meeting his father called for is starting already, and they need him there right now.

“I’m coming,” he calls out, then turns to you. “I’ve been distant because I don’t want to unload this all on you. Because I want to protect you from all this,” he adds, pointing to his heart. “I just… I guess I just need more time. I’m sorry.”

Another female voice echoes from the other side of the door, the tapping much louder and more firm this time.

“Mr. Jeon, please don’t make your father wait,” the elder’s secretary says. “He has a flight to New York in a few hours. He asks that you be in the boardroom in 5 minutes, no more.”

“Alright, I’ll be there,” he groans, looking at you apologetically. “I have to go, but I’ll see you at home, okay?”

“Of course,” you huff, knowing you don’t have a choice but to let him go. “I’ll see you.”

And just like your drawing, he pulls you close and kisses your forehead. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, before opening the door and running to the elevator. 

You release a deep breath and wipe the tears that immediately flowed once he left. 

You ground yourself in Jungkook’s office, looking around and taking it all in - the lavender oil from the humidifier that he got because it’s your favorite scent, the painting behind his chair that you made, the framed photos of both of you during your trips that were taken.

There’s a lot of you in here, and it’s the most comfort you’ve received other than Junghyun’s hug earlier. 

“We’ll fix this,” you comfort yourself this time. “We’re gonna be okay.”

Jungkook’s father’s urgent meeting turned out to be the introduction to what would become a full day one. There are several things to iron out in their different offices. The directors currently in Japan will meet with the team there, which means that both Jeon sons will have to go to Busan to troubleshoot and regroup. 

Plans were constantly drawn up. Dinner was eaten during the discussions, and it’s not until 10PM when it ended and Jungkook was able to leave the office. He still had to take urgent calls during the ride home, and that caused him to enter your loft at 11, only to see you curled under a light blanket on the couch, asleep.

You were waiting for him, he sighs to himself. You’d come to his office earlier because you wanted to see him, talk to him, and you waited only to be let down that he hadn’t come home early enough. And now, he has to leave early the next day for a trip until the end of the week. 

While that would mean alone time for him to regroup as well, it also means keeping the earlier conversation in limbo. There’s more to say but there aren’t resolutions to what was said. And you have to process what he did get to say on your own and do it all alone. 

Like clockwork, given the numerous times you waited for him to come home only for you to fall asleep, Jungkook takes you in his arms. Flushed against his chest, you shift and make yourself comfortable in his hold, merely mumbling his name when you feel like you’re moving.

He lays you in bed and tucks you in, removing the strands of hair from your face so he can see you clearly. There’s a tinge of sadness even when you’re asleep, and he wants to be able to wipe that away. 

After Jungkook has washed up, he lies next to you who has now moved to face his side on the bed. He kisses your forehead and he lingers.

“We’ll fix this,” he whispers, “I promise.”

Jungkook settles on leaving a note on your bedside about needing to travel to Busan early that Wednesday. He sends you a message about staying until Saturday for meetings and site visits, ending with an apology and an assurance that you’ll talk when he gets back.

You reply by lunchtime, and you’re never up that late, so he assumes that you sat on his message for a while before acknowledging it. 

It’s okay, Kook, your text reads. Don’t forget to get some rest and I’ll see you in a few days. I love you. 

Jungkook reads it over and over again, mad at himself for not feeling like returning your words of affection when it used to be a reflex for him. He loves you, obviously, but he feels hypocritical to be saying it when he’s being the way he is. He lingers when he exits to his Home Screen then sighs after looking at your smiling face for a little bit before locking his phone. 

“Not gonna call her?” Junghyun asks from next to him. 

They decided to just take one car so they can attend meetings together and discuss their action steps during the 4-hour drive to Busan. It was a long trip and they’re on the way to the office after a lunch meeting with an investor. 

“Nah, we’ll probably just say the same things. Except, it’ll be awkward,” Jungkook sighs again.

There’s a beat of silence before Junghyun speaks. “I saw her yesterday, you know? I was in the area and we had coffee.” Jungkook nods, so the older man continues. “It’s a lot for her, too. She’s not used to being on this side of it - clueless, unsure, insecure. She’s scared, Kook. She’s scared that she’s doing this all wrong.”

“I’m scared, too,” the younger man finally says. “And confused, and worried. And I miss her so much. But I couldn’t even fucking text her that I love her back because I feel like I’m lying to her. I yelled at her, said shit I shouldn’t have, made her upset, spent days away from her… all that on top of being angry and disappointed over what happened.”

Junghyun has known that his little brother thrives on clarity, on rules and standards that he’s set up for himself. He hates being told what to do, and in the instances when he’s unsure about things, he figures things out and sticks by what he’s come to know, whether it’s by looking at the world around him or experiencing them by himself. Love, it seems, is something he’s come to understand through the former.

“You know, the feeling or emotion of love is actually just a part of love. It’s not love itself,” Junghyun says. “Being upset with her, missing her, worrying about her, not feeling like being around her… that’s part of love, too. I shouldn’t be spelling this to you anymore because I’m sure you know it already but love isn’t just what you feel for someone, it’s something you share with them. So all the fun, happy stuff and the not so good ones? You share those with her as well.”

“For the longest time, I just kept thinking that things are supposed to be effortless, especially between us,” Jungkook now says. “Considering how we started, I felt like the beginning was the hardest part, and it was only because I didn’t love her then yet. And now I do, so much, but then I still feel all this.”

“Remember the time some years ago when Yeri and I fought?” Junghyun asks. “I mentioned it in passing because it was really getting to me; I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. We slept in separate rooms for an entire week.”

“Seriously?” Jungkook exclaims. “You’re both the chillest people I know. I didn’t think you’d fight bad enough to an extent that you’d sleep separately.”

“Well, the ‘chillest’ people lose their cool sometimes. Work was driving me up a wall, she was an overworked resident at the hospital… we said things we shouldn’t have and then we stopped saying anything to each other after that,” Junghyun narrates. “We just wanted to be alone. So I slept in the guest room for a week but everyday, I drew her a bath the way she wanted so she could relax once she got home. And every morning, she prepared me a snack box because I was doing field visits everyday. Sure, we were going through our own shit, we didn’t feel like talking, couldn’t stand each other at some point. But the love didn’t stop, nor paused or decreased. It was just… there, expressed differently. And I just knew, after we made up, that I could never love any other person the way I love her, and I knew she felt the same about me.”

“So things really work that way, huh? I feel so fucking naive,” Jungkook chuckles. “I guess I was stuck on the honeymoon phase we’ve been on for years. It was easy to not be upset or angry with her over trivial things. And then when it got serious, I guess I freaked out. I didn’t think I could feel this towards her.”

“Well, those things really happen, especially as you go through married life and then family life. You love ___ so much but it hurts, I get that,” Junghyun adds. “It’s cliche because it’s true. And this isn’t the toxic shit - it’s just how healthy relationships actually are. There’s an unbelievable level of trust and faith to be able to admit that the person you love hurt you, but you still love them with your whole being despite that. It may seem confusing to you but it’s normal, and as long as it’s not constant and you actually grow and be better after, it’s actually good.”

Perhaps it’s the idealist in him. Maybe it’s being a rookie in love, Jungkook thinks, that’s why he had such high standards when it came to your relationship, thinking that fights could easily be resolved and that negative feelings would immediately go away. 

He nods and takes his older brother’s words in. There’s a reason Jungkook always ran to him - wise beyond his years and able to just take everything in, reflect on them, then use them to be better. 

Their time alone is cut short when they arrive at the office, and nothing about the issue is mentioned again for the rest of the day. Jungkook spends the evening in his hotel room with his 5th cup of coffee and his eyes glued to his laptop screen until you message at 10PM that you’re off to bed. 

He thinks back to what his brother had said and how love, at times like this, can be expressed in different ways. He picks up the phone and makes a call.

Jungkook used to like drawing flowers. You didn’t buy into the tough and reckless guy act when you were younger since you knew about the kid who drew carnations and peonies and freesias during class. You remember receiving a card from an unnamed sender one time, and then crying when you lost it a year later. 

Ever since you got married, he’s gone past the secret drawings to giving you actual flowers whenever he can. He knows you like them fresh to be placed in your hand painted vases around your apartment, and he’s told you several times that he likes seeing your smile whenever you receive them. 

You wish he could see the one you have on right now, as you gaze at the bouquet of peonies and irises that just got delivered to your apartment that Thursday morning. There’s no dedication on it, and you take it as Jungkook not knowing what to say but wanting to tell you that he loves you, or that he misses you, or that he can’t wait to come home. You hope it’s all of those things.

You send him a photo of them placed in a vase on your bedside table with a message of thanks. 

They’re pretty. I’m glad you like them, he replies. We have a full day of risk assessment planning and stuff. I’ll call you when I can.

Your smile only drops a little at the latter part of the text, but you can’t really complain. He’s been managing his team from home the past week because of you and now, he needs to focus on them completely. And given how you both left the conversation from the other night unfinished, you suppose that he’s not ready to deal with the tension again, so you let it go.

Minhyuk’s coming over for lunch then he’ll take me to work, you message back. And I’ll have dinner with the girls. Will also go to Soyeon’s place tomorrow to hang out with the twins.

You want to let him know that you won’t be alone for the next 2 days in case he’s wondering. You think he doesn’t want to nag but you want to relieve him of that worry, so you update him first. 

Okay, good. You take care, he responds, sounding serious and unfamiliar. You’d figured that he’s like that when he doesn’t know what to say, especially as he fails to call that day and instead settles with an apology for their extended meeting. 

The next morning, you receive a pastry and dessert spread in time for breakfast - mini croissants, egg custards, macarons, eclairs, and chocolate-coated strawberries. 

Something to keep you company while I’m away, the card reads. 

He’s always spoiled you with flowers and desserts, and they’re most special when they’re a surprise and when you’re missing him like this. You feel a mix of emotions as you eat them - you’re happy that he’s telling you he loves you by giving you the things you love, but you also can’t help but think that he’s doing so because he can’t say it, something you’re not used to because he says it everyday and every chance he gets. 

It’s how love is in a relationship like this, you think - there’s no one way to feel it, there’s no one way to show it. But one way isn’t better than the rest; sometimes we just do and say what we can. 

“So, flowers and desserts, huh?” Junghyun asks from next to Jungkook in the car. “Is that like drawing a bath or preparing a snack box?” 

“She told you?” 

“Yeah, to tell me that they made her week,” Junghyun smiles. “Which means… you haven’t called her yet.”

“Work’s driving me nuts and Father won’t get off my ass,” Jungkook reasons. “I’m irritable and I don’t want to unload on her.”

“That all?” The old man arches an eyebrow.

There’s a beat of silence before Jungkook responds. “I’m being petty. If she thinks that work is the most important thing for me, then my focus will be on that.”

“Seriously, Kook?” Junghyun scoffs. “Of course that’s not what she thinks. And right, real petty of you. So many times before when Father’s on our ass, you wouldn’t shut up about wanting to go home to your wife because being next to her makes you forget about all your problems.”

“Yeah, and I still stand by that,” Jungkook replies, his eyes going soft at the idea of being in your arms. His heart aches at the thought, though, because he can’t seem to get over his own reasons for being upset with you even if all that he wants to do is hold and kiss you. “But I just feel like I haven’t gotten over what happened. I mean, I’m sort of over the fear. She updates me everyday about how she’s feeling and that appeases me because then I know she’s open about it, even if I know it’s partly out of guilt. The rest… I don’t know, I’ve been sort of avoiding processing them.”

“Okay, so there are a lot of thoughts and feelings,” Junghyun responds, knowing that the hour-long trip to one of the work sites this Friday afternoon is enough to help his younger brother make sense of things. “So then let's go through each one. What exactly made you so upset that first time?”

“I guess it was just the thought that I wouldn’t put her first - that she’d keep things from me so I won’t worry, even if it’s at her expense. And that she wouldn’t put me first - that much as she’s who I run to for everything, it’s not the same with her. I think those hurt the most.”

Junghyun rests on the idea. Being the one person who knows you both so well, he can’t disagree more. 

“But you think of it differently. You approach things differently, Kook,” he starts.” That’s how she shows her love - trying to make things easy for you in whatever way, and then that’s how you show your love - running to her, giving her all your attention. They’re different but it doesn’t mean they’re wrong, it just means that there are other ways to love people, that there are ways we put people first. That’s yours, and that’s hers.”

Jungkook’s face relaxes and a small pout forms on his face, so Junghyun continues. 

“Don’t you see? Loving each other means you get to show each other that. That maybe, the instances where she brushes things off is her way of saying that she puts your comfort and peace of mind first, and the way you tell her every little thing is your way of showing that you want her involved in every little thing about your day. And both are totally fine, you just have to talk about it. And I know this has been incredibly hard for you but trust me - once you’ve talked about it, things will feel lighter. They’ll only get better from here.”

“But I can’t let her just brush things off if it’s about her health,” Jungkook counters. “You know that. I can’t let her think that it’s okay because it isn’t.”

“I know, and I think she’s realized that. I understand the frustration when it comes to her. Trust me, I’ve seen it,” the older man responds. “But that’s what you get from someone who’s wanted to stay out of the spotlight her whole life because she’d seen the challenges people went through for her, just to make sure she’s safe. She’s not a burden, we know that. But you get to show her that; that worrying about her doesn’t mean she’s a burden, that any difficulty on her end isn’t a burden. That any time she expresses what she feels isn’t a burden. Listen to her. If she says she’s fine, show her that you believe her. Show her that she can be honest without the consequences.”

Like a loose screw that’s finally been fixed, it all makes sense to Jungkook. Maybe it’s after yesterday’s conversation and the time he took for a bath last night that allowed him to think. Maybe it was imagining your smile in receiving the flowers and desserts and wanting so badly to see it. Or maybe it’s because it’s his brother, and Junghyun is the only person who knows you as well as he knows Jungkook, and that makes all the difference.

“You know her so well, don’t you?” Jungkook says now with a small smile, feeling much lighter than he did minutes ago. “I… I know there’s still a lot to learn about her and about me in relation to her. I guess I never really looked at it that way.”

“You were the rowdy kid who was always so hard to control, and it was easy to notice her discomfort around people while you had all the attention,” Junghyun chuckles. “I just learned to not panic when she’d talk to me, to not act like I know better, to not speak over what she’s feeling or what she thinks she needs. I never thought it was my place - I’m not her brother nor her best friend - and then I realized that’s exactly the person she needed me to be. She’s so much more than her sickness, you know that. So don’t let it be the thing that keeps you both apart.”

“I won’t,” Jungkook huffs. “Fuck it, I won’t.”

“Did the kids tire you?” Soyeon asks as she drives off from their place to drop you off at yours. “Sorry, I just needed someone to hang with them while I had my meeting. I hope it was okay.”

“Are you kidding me? I love spending time with the twins and see just how much they take after you,” you state. “I mean, we played house and I was the babysitter while Sunghoon was the gardener and Soojin was ‘working from home’ while talking to her ‘husband who’s on a business trip’ over the phone like… she was calling him sweetheart and stuff and it was so adorable but also kinda scary. I wouldn’t wanna cross that child. She’s feisty.”

“Yeah, Min-jun said to soften a little bit in front of them but I said that was his job,” your sister responds. “But they love me, said they wouldn’t change anything about me. They’re sweet, those rascals.”

“I think it has a lot to do with seeing Min-jun take all of you in and love you the way he does. It’s beautiful to see,” you smile. “But uh, does Soojin really have a husband who’s on a business trip or is she just copying that line from you?”

“Ah, her brother said she has a crush on this kid who’s on a vacation abroad and that was just her pretending. You know, normal kid stuff,” Soyeon laughs. 

“How is that normal? Were we play-pretending or have husbands at that age?” You exclaim.

“Yeah, we did. I mean, didn’t our parents drill into our minds that we had to have a family when we got older?” She rolls her eyes playfully. “It was just how our world always worked. I know I pretended Joon-ki was mine and you pretended yours was Jungkook. That was so cute.”

“What?!” You exclaim at what is clearly news to you. “I’ve never heard this story.”

“I just remembered it! You were around the twins’ age and we were playing house in the garden. We told you to call your husband and you whisper-yelled ‘Kookie,’” she narrates, her eyes growing with affection at the memory. “Oh my god, it's so clear to me again. That was the cutest thing! I asked Junghyun if Kook was minding you already and being sweet and he said no, but that he saw his brother drawing some flowers and then you told Junghyun that someone left you a drawing of flowers under your desk. He told us and we all got so giddy.”

Junghyun was the only person you told about that, and you didn’t know he shared it with anyone else. In the minds of pre-teens, which he and your sister and brother were then, perhaps it was something worth gushing over. In your innocent mind, you thought it was sweet, even if little Jungkook barely spoke to you during those times. You remember the older Jeon telling you that his little brother is like that - even if at times he seems aloof or distant, there’s a caring and sweet boy underneath, and it was something that always stuck with you.

Perhaps he never outgrew that side of him. Even if you broke his heart by keeping things from him - like when 4-year old you didn’t want to play in the playground - he’s still that same boy who’d send you flowers despite not wanting to talk to you. A small smile forms on your face at the thought. 

You and your sister spend the rest of the car ride talking about the games you played and growing up with the Jeons until you reach your place. You bid her goodbye and head straight to the bathroom, choosing a fresh scent for your bath to remind you of Jungkook. 

It’s 9PM by the time you get to bed, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep immediately so you could wake up to Saturday, and that means finally having your husband back. 

Recalling your growing up years gave you that warm feeling, especially as you thought back to how you and Jungkook just always circled around each other but never close enough to be anything more than childhood friends. There was always something special though, and now you’re both here, married and as in love as any 2 people can get. Even if that means spending days apart and not getting to hear his voice.

Right on cue, your phone rings and your heart leaps when his face shows up on your screen. He hasn’t called in days; Junghyun has said enough of all the meetings and troubleshooting that their father has been making them do, and it’s been hard to focus on anything else. He’s always been more graceful under pressure though, so he’s where you get your news about your husband from. 

But Jungkook video calling you is more than enough now. He’s still in his work attire with the hotel room in the background, so you think he just got back from dinner. His eyes look tired, and you can tell all he wants is to lay in bed and sleep.

Seeing him somehow hits you more than you imagined. There’s this incredible amount of love you feel for this man that you can’t even properly verbalize. Brush strokes and drawings don’t even seem to be enough sometimes, which is how you prefer to express things to him. 

At these moments when you’re overwhelmed with what you feel, whether it’s adoration or apology, you just want to hold him, feel him against your skin and trace his body with your fingers and hands and everything else. You want to map out his entirety with your lips. You want to look in his eyes so he can see the things you can’t say. 

You miss him so much you can cry. And you almost do. 

You adjust yourself on the bed so you can wipe away your lone tear. “Hey, honey. How are you?” You greet.

“Hey. Just came from another dinner meeting,” he replies. “Sorry I got to call just now. Going to bed already?

“No worries, Kook,” you smile. “And yeah. I want to sleep right away so I can wake up to you here tomorrow. Needy wife things,” you joke. “What time do you get back?”

“Oh, we have that investor’s meeting in the morning so probably around after lunch?” He replies, not missing the way your face falls a little. 

“Alright. I’ll keep myself busy in the morning, then.”

You nibble your lips to keep yourself from crying. The thought of waiting for more than 12 more hours before seeing him is making your heart ache, but you know it’s better than another day away. You just have to be patient, you think to yourself. Then you’ll apologize for whatever else you need to apologize for and resolve whatever else is keeping you both from going back to how things were before. You want him so badly, but all you do is hug the pillow - his pillow - tightly and imagine it’s him. 

“Okay,” he says softly. He lingers, as he just looks at you without saying anything else. “Now get some rest.”

“Okay,” you whisper back, savoring the way he looks. It’s as if time is suspended and you’re just gazing at each other.

He speaks first. “Goodnight, babe. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight,” you answer, your voice getting stuck in your throat. You hope he doesn’t notice how close you are to losing it. 

You drop the call and let yourself cry on his pillow, his scent filling the space and giving you the comfort that you need. He’ll be home, you remind yourself. He’ll be home soon.

At a 23rd floor hotel room in Busan, Jungkook stares at his Home Screen photo of you. He’d seen you nibble your lips and dig your face on the pillow. You were close to crying again and he didn’t want to ask what happened, knowing that it might just prompt you to actually cry and he wouldn’t be there to comfort you.

But then again, you’re probably crying now and he still isn’t there. This is what hurts him more - knowing that you’re all alone when you’re letting yourself go. 

He doesn’t want another night of this - of you alone, of him holding back and missing you so badly. And like that string that constantly tugs on his heart to do something, he follows.

Jungkook calls his brother. “Move tomorrow’s meeting to lunch. I’m driving home tonight.”

The drive back to Seoul on a Friday night isn’t the best for someone who’s rushing to get home to his wife, but Jungkook still tries his best by speeding when he can and taking all the shortcuts he knows. It’s almost 1AM by the time he arrives, and he takes a deep breath as he opens the front door, knowing that he has to be as quiet as possible so as not to scare you, even if he wants to run up to your bedroom and kiss you crazy.

This whole week has been such a roller coaster of emotions for him, and from his brother’s words, to the call with you earlier, and all the moments in between, he’s left at the top - full of love and affection for you and he just wants to be able to tell you, show you.

Junghyun didn’t ask any more questions after the call; he just knew, and it’s the kind of support that Jungkook is grateful for.

He tiptoes up the stairs and turns on his bedside lamp, spotting the flowers that he sent the other day on your night table. You’re lying comfortably, sleeping soundly, wearing one of his loose university shirts. You’re on your side, your leg and arm around his pillow, and he smiles to himself; that’s how he sleeps when you’re away, too. 

He whispers your name. “Hey, babe. I’m here. I came home early. Can you wake up for me?”

He repeats the words a few more times before your eyes slowly open. 

You blink repeatedly as if to make sense of what you’re seeing, and when Jungkook says hey and shows you that smile you’ve missed so much, you realize it’s real. He’s real, and he’s home.

“Kook?” You ask, sitting up, taking in the work attire you just saw on the screen hours ago. “What are you doing here? You… you have a meeting in the morning.”

“I know,” he replies, sitting on the bed to face you. “I had it moved to lunch so I can drive home tonight. So I can be with you.”

“Why?” You croak. 

Your eyes are swollen, crusty. “Because I didn’t want you to cry alone.”

You’re caught off guard but you try to lie, even if you know he won’t buy it. “I… I didn’t.”

“Are you sure?”

You turn away and that’s when a tear falls, one of many that you shed this whole week, and you’re not even a crier.

But Jungkook catches it, wipes it with his thumb and then cups your cheek as he moves closer to you. 

“I hate it when you cry,” he says, “even more when it’s because of me, and especially when I’m not around to hold you.”

You close your eyes and savor his touch. “I hate crying, too,” you whisper. “Please, Kook, please just hold me.”

“Baby, come here.”

He pulls you by your waist and onto his lap, and with his strength, he shifts to lean against the headboard so he can hug you even tighter. You find refuge in his neck and you take him in - his scent, his warmth, and the way his body fits so perfectly against yours. They’re what keep you from crying even harder, and both of you just sit there for a while, savoring being in each other’s arms again.

You finally pull away, wanting to see his face. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not calling, for the things I said, for being—”

“None of that, Kook,” you interject. “You don’t have to apologize. I’m the one who does.”

“We both do,” he says. “We won’t be able to move on if you think it’s all on you. And I’m not perfect either. But it’s never just on one person. We share the burden, right? We share the responsibility, so that’s what we’ll do. I apologize and you let me, you apologize and I’ll let you. Deal?”

“Deal.”

You sit next to him on the bed with his arm still around your waist. You look at him as his free hand traces patterns on your bare thighs. 

“I’m sorry for the things I said and how I said them,” he starts. “I’m sorry for not listening to you and not trusting that you’d tell me the truth. I’m sorry for being distant. I just didn’t know what to say. I had these mixed emotions, you know? I love you so much but I was so upset and I couldn’t seem to get over it. Hyung told me that it’s normal, and I guess I’m new to this, you know? Obviously being married but also…” he trails, intertwining his fingers with yours now. “Just loving someone. I’ve never done it with anyone; I’ve never truly loved anyone before you. I always copped out when it got hard and tense, so I’m sorry for letting all that affect me, for letting it affect us.”

“Okay, Kook,” you reply, your eyes softening at his words. You kiss his hand before you speak. 

“And I’m sorry for keeping things from you, for not trusting you enough that you’d put me first,” you say. “It’s just my default state, I guess, but you’re my husband and these are things that I should be most honest with you about because my sickness doesn’t just affect me, it affects you, too. I’m sorry, for sometimes not being more forward about how I feel, for letting things just fall away because I don’t like confrontations. Those things scare me but I need to be braver, more honest, more trusting.”

“Okay,” he says this time, kissing your hand as well. “I also want to apologize for what I said, about us having kids. I didn’t mean for you to take it that you’re not ready because we haven’t gotten our communication skills all figured out yet. I don’t ever want you to think that you’re not ready because of that, because of what I said. Do you still feel that way?”

“No,” you shake your head. “It was a bandaid idea, I guess, agreeing with what you said just because I believed it would help us. I thought about it more and no, I don’t mean what I said.”

“Good,” he smiles, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear and cupping your cheek. “Can we do that every time? Not dismiss what we want to apologize for and then talk about things openly? With trust and love?”

You nod, savoring the feel of him again. “And then we can kiss and make up?” 

“Of course,” he smirks. “That’s the next order of business.”

He pulls you closer, capturing your lips in a searing kiss, hot and heavy, turning needy in seconds. You both sigh into it at the same time, definitely missing each other’s tastes, having been without it for days. Your tongues fight for dominance and he wins, digging deep into you before exploring further and nibbling your lips as he enjoys the playful yet desperate way you both take each other in. 

It’s your turn to dominate after, pulling on the long strands of hair that frame his face, as if you want him closer than he’s physically able. You climb back on his lap, wanting nothing more than to eliminate the clothing in between. You hold onto kissing him for longer, even as you slow down once you start to lose breath, and he nudges your nose to get your attention.

“Hmm, needy wife things indeed,” he teases. 

You sit up and pout. “You didn’t mind me for days. I think I deserve to be needy.”

“Baby, you don’t need a reason to be. You know I like it when you are, it makes me hard.”

You snort, shifting a bit to feel that he is, indeed, semi-hard.

“So, then is making love to your needy wife the next order of business?”

“It is, but…” he says, making you pout again, and Jungkook has to restrain himself from taking you right then and there. He knows that just like him, you want to express things through your bodies, and he wants it to be perfect. “I’ve been out all day and I smell like yakiniku because that’s what we had for dinner.”

“You smell perfect,” you shake your head, already unbuttoning his top, slowly revealing his toned chest and immediately kissing it.

“Thanks for the ego boost, babe, but seriously. I need a bath so I can be all clean and take you until we fall asleep. I’ll be quick, I promise.”

“Fine,” you sigh, facing him then getting off his lap. You know he’s right, though. His stamina would let you go on all night until you both fall asleep, and you know he likes his bath. It’s a good thing he looks best after it.

He chuckles as he gets off the bed, smirking when he sees you bite your lips the moment he undoes the rest of his buttons and removes his polo. With his messy long hair, tattooed arm, and bare torso against his black slacks, Jungkook looks like the perfect husband. 

“Don’t miss me too much,” he teases, stealing another kiss before running to the bathroom.

You laugh at his antics, and much as you want him right now, you also welcome the bit of time you have to process what happened, to take everything in, and let go of all your worries.

He came home, drove 4 hours from Busan to get to you so you wouldn’t be alone, so he could apologize, so you don’t have to wait until tomorrow to see him. The way he loves you is so sure, contrary to what he may think. The way he loves you is the only way you want to be loved. 

You hear the shower turn off and you call out to him. “Kook, are you done?”

“Coming!” He yells, and you feel like a giggly love struck girl as you lie on the bed. 

He exits the bathroom and stands before the bed, wet hair pushed back with droplets of water still hanging on his body. He’s completely naked, and you squeeze your thighs at the heavenly sight.

“Why is this still on?” He asks as he hovers over you and tugs your - his - shirt. 

“So you can take it off,” you smirk, and the way the playfulness in Jungkook’s eyes turns to pure desire is hypnotic. 

His hands start on your lower legs, his fingers ghosting over the skin before he reaches the hem of your top. He grips it then pulls it over your head, taking in the sight of you bare underneath him. His eyes map your body, and you feel the shiver as they do. His effect on you is immediate, something that he feels himself once his thigh slots in between your legs and you can’t help but jerk and rub against him.

“Wet already?” He smirks.

You nod in response. “It’s been a while.”

“I know. There’s a lot of stored energy now.”

You gush over his teasing. Typical of him, including sounding like it’s a threat. 

His hand moves to your cheek, cupping it before his thumb traces your lower lip, teasing you even more. 

You slowly lick the tip before taking his digit in your mouth, sucking like you know he wants you to, and you can’t help but moan at the act. 

“Fuck, baby,” he growls. 

He retrieves his wet thumb and then uses it to trace circles on your pert nipple. You close your eyes as you feel the tension slowly build, and you can’t wait for what’s to come.

Liking your reaction, he hums, then goes ahead to attack your neck, nibbling and licking as he wishes. He knows just how to work your sensitive spot there, causing you to grind harder against his thigh. You feel it tighten, bracing itself for your beating.

Jungkook moves to your shoulder, softly kissing the skin there, and then trailing down your chest. He gazes at the tiger lily tattoo in the middle like he always does, humming once he makes it to your free breast. With his fingers on one and his mouth on the other, you feel like you could explode any minute. Once your grinding gets erratic, he slows down.

“Wait, baby. You can’t do strenuous activities, right? Is sex considered strenuous?” He furrows his brows. 

“Well, that depends on the sex. I have the stamina of a normal person, I don’t know about you,” you chuckle. 

“I’ll go slow, then.”

“Or… you can go however you like and I’ll tell you when it’s too much,” you counter. “Trust me?”

“Trust you,” he smiles, shifting his body now as he continues to kiss down your torso. 

He feels the shivers on your skin and the way you’re panting, and he’s barely even done anything. The wet patch on your silk undies makes him hum in satisfaction, and much as he wants to tease you further, he also can’t wait himself - to taste you, to feel all of you. 

Jungkook slowly removes your last piece of clothing. You meet his eyes the moment he licks a strip on your cunt, and you see that familiar look of lust and adoration. 

He repeats his movement with a bit of variation each time - swirling on your bud, sucking, licking the lips, teasing your hole. You slowly get lost in the feel of his tongue on your skin, and you know you want more.

“Inside me please, Kook,” you pant, eyes closed as he now licks the back of your thighs while he thumbs your aching clit. “Want you so much.”

He removes himself from your pussy, facing you now with his slick-stained mouth and chin. He makes a show of wiping your essence off his face then licking his fingers. “Don’t want to waste it,” he always says. 

Taking your cheek in his hand, he kisses you again. There’s this fervent way he does it, like he gets completely lost when his mouth is on yours. It’s messy and needy but loving just the same. 

You feel his incredibly hard dick against your tummy, and you whisper once more. “Please.”

He removes himself from you and gets on his knees. He spreads out your thighs, presenting him with a view that sends shockwaves through him once more. You’re glimmering and throbbing, and he can only hope he doesn’t go too hard and hurt you in the process.

Lifting your ass a little, Jungkook puts a pillow underneath and finds the perfect angle with you elevated like this. With your legs bent on the side, he slowly makes his way in. You both watch in a daze as his cock slides perfectly inside your cunt, disappearing before he pulls back and pushes against you once more. 

You feel him so deep within you, and with this angle, he’s hitting the exact spot you want him to. But as you look up at him, you see the view that makes you go absolutely feral. 

His damp hair has slightly curled. It gets to his face so he combs it back. With his head tilted, you see the sight of his gorgeous neck, down to his chest and his pert nipples that you can’t wait to nibble on. Your eyes move to the line in the middle of his torso, his abs taut and so pronounced; the way his hips move shows his v-line in action, and you moan when he pushes deeper after he sees where you’re focused on.

“Like that, baby?” He smirks.

“Yes. Keep going, please.”

He follows, gripping your thighs tighter to secure your body as he pushes with more fervor this time. He tilts his head back again and bites his lower lip, clearly liking the feel of you as he mouths curses every time. 

The tattoos decorating his one arm is beautiful. The colors pop out and they come to life when he moves. It’s contrasted by his other arm - fair, smooth, dotted by beauty marks. The lines that form when he flexes makes you lose it even more, and with his rough hands spreading you apart and his moans of how tight and perfect you are, the tension slowly builds until you’re reaching your peak.

“Close, Kook. I’m close.”

He heeds your call and knows exactly what to do. He removes the pillow and lays you flat on your back, your legs now flushed against your chest as Jungkook comes closer. His mouth meets yours once again as he thrusts even harder, deeper inside of you. You moan into the kiss and you’re hypnotized. There are tears in your eyes as you take all of him in, even more when his lips move to your neck, and he licks and kisses your sensitive spot that has you keening. 

You rarely curse but the words echo in your head. It’s filled with him and his touch and his moans and you feel that familiar coil in your belly. You’re so close, and when your mouth opens with no sound coming out, Jungkook knows it, too. So he drags himself inside you, letting you feel all of it. 

“You’re so good for me, baby. Fuck, you’re so good,” he groans. “Keep taking it, yeah?”

You moan your yes but you don’t know if any sound comes out.

Jungkook feels you tighten around his cock, so he lifts himself a little so he could fondle your breast, knowing it gets you even more going. You feel the sensation intensify, and with his movements combined, you let out a scream that accompanies your release. 

It’s so good, and it feels like it’s not ending. You feel yourself get wetter and wetter, and the journey after the high feels slower. 

“Kook, honey. Come for me, please,” you heave. “I want to feel your cum inside me. I want that, baby.”

Jungkook goes feral at your words, as you plead for him to empty himself inside you. So he thrusts even harder, faster, losing his rhythm as he just follows what his body wants. He’s reaching even deeper, and you pull on his hair to get him to come closer.

You know what gets him going, so you make sure your voice reaches his ears. 

“You fuck me so well, baby,” you pant, knowing that the rare times you’re vulgar turns him on even more. “You feel so good inside me, so hard and so good. You’re mine, baby. And I’m yours.”

“Fuuuuck, baby. Fuck, you sound so good,” he whines. “Fuck, I’m so close.”

“Just keep going, I can take it. I can take all of you,” you moan again. “I want all of you, want to feel your hot cum inside me.”

His thrusts are sloppy, and you feel his body quivering as he nears his peak. You lick his mouth before whispering, “I love you, Kook. I love you so much.” Then you kiss him, let your tongue explore inside him, and it’s when he tightens his hold on your body that you know he’s reached it.

You feel the spurts of his essence inside you, hot and thick as he keeps going. He slows down his thrusts as he comes down, breathing heavily.

“I love you,” he whispers, meeting your eyes. There’s all the love and adoration and care that you’ve missed. 

“Say it again, please,” you whisper back.

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you. So much.”

You hold his gaze before you ask for the last time. “Again.”

He searches your eyes briefly before he answers once more, slowly this time. “I love you.”

You find yourself in Jungkook’s arms once again. He’d just cleaned you up and he pulled you close to him right after lying back in bed. For the past weeks of barely kissing you, he’s making up for it now, as he pecks your lips every few seconds, as if he wants to fall asleep doing exactly that. 

He cradles your face in his hand, his thumb caressing your cheek and you, smiling as you savor his touch. 

You’re so beautiful like this, he thinks to himself, when there’s just love and adoration in your eyes. He doesn’t think he fully deserves it after the way he’s treated you, but honesty and forgiveness are so powerful, he’s realized now. It’s how you got to face each other again; it’s how you got to bare yourselves once more and show how much you love each other way more than words. 

But the way you told him to say he loves you sticks with him. So he asks. 

“Did what happened make you doubt how much I love you?” He whispers. “Did I do that?”

“No, Kook,” you smile. “I just wanted to hear it. It’s been a while.”

“I’m sorry,” he pouts. “I wasn’t sure I could say it wholeheartedly when I was still upset.”

“It’s okay,” you assure him. 

“No, it’s not. That’s when you need to hear it the most,” he says dejectedly. “When we aren’t in a good place, that’s when I need to tell you. That even if I’m upset and hurt, I still love you. Because I do. I know that now. And I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” you say softly. “We have to learn how to talk and say what we feel, ask space respectfully if we want it. And assure each other all the time.”

“We will,” he hums. “I… I don’t ever want to make you feel like I don’t want you. I’m so sorry for that, baby. I promise you, I won’t do that ever again.”

You nod, falling short of words. So you kiss him deeply to let him know that it’s okay, that you forgive him, and that you’ll both be alright again.

It’s a kiss that says so much more, and Jungkook knows this. He returns it just as passionately, until the moans come and both your hands travel to places, mapping out each other’s bodies once more. Your lips draw patterns on his chest, on his torso, leaving marks all over his neck. 

Jungkook takes you again, much gentler this time, with nothing but soft moans and your heaving breaths echoing in your moonlit bedroom. You both keep your eyes open as you meet each other’s thrusts. You hope he sees in your eyes all the adoration and forgiveness and promises that you see in his. 

Jungkook’s eyes are the prettiest you’ve ever seen. 

And everyday you thank the universe that it allowed you to live long enough to see them gaze at you with so much love. 

“Baby,” he calls out after settling down from both your highs. “I know you’re tired but… would you like to go to Busan with me tomorrow? It’s a long drive for a lunch meeting and I want to be with you as much as possible.”

“That sounds nice, honey,” you perk up. “I think lunch by the beach is what I need. I’ve missed the ocean so much.”

“Okay, then. We need to leave early, though. Let’s pass by your favorite cafe for take out breakfast,” he smiles.

“Okay,” you say, kissing him. “Goodnight, Kook.”

“Goodnight, baby. I love you.”

Busan at this time of the year is beautiful. There’s something about the cold air and chilly breeze from the ocean that oddly makes it feel warmer for you. It reminds you a lot about growing up - hanging by the beach while you watch the other kids play, smelling the flowers that you see, drinking warm drinks while the seagulls call out to each other. 

You rarely come home but when you do, it’s nostalgic, especially as you recall a little Kookie running around, restless and always looking for something to do. 

You lean against Jungkook’s chest as he sits behind you, watching the mid-afternoon sun over the water. You walked here after he dropped you off at a nearby cafe, and you’ve been glued to your book since then. Your husband had just finished his meeting and he came here right away.

“I missed home,” you say, closing your eyes to savor the surroundings. “Everything almost looks the same but we’ve changed. It’s nice to be back here.”

Jungkook hums and gets lost in his thoughts. He remembers growing up and running around the beaches, playing all the water sports he can, getting lost in the side streets, and rollerblading through the alleys. 

He remembers avoiding you, although he admits the few times that he tried to get your attention secretly, quietly. It was weird then, he thinks now. You broke his heart at 4 years old when you rejected his offer to play at the playground and he thought of stopping trying to be your friend. He succeeded most of the time, but a small part of him still wanted you around somehow; a part of him wanted your attention, wanted you to know what he was doing, what he was good at - whether it’s drawing, playing soccer, or making friends. 

It’s funny to think that over a decade after moving away, he’s back here as your husband. And you’re right. Not much has changed but both of you have. It’d be nice to revisit all those places of your childhood. You did mention wanting to create new memories, after all.

“We should spend a week here, then. What do you think?” He says. “I’ll negotiate with Father. Maybe spend a day or a half at the office, get some work done from home while you’re painting or something, but we can visit our grandparents, our school, the places we used to go to. What do you think?”

“Ah, I like that, Kook,” you turn to him with a smile. “Let’s come back here and make new memories.”

Series Masterlist

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[ravenbloodshot]

Would The Boyz Members Seriously Date a Foreigner?

Kevin: Not rn. He has dated one in the past but it didn't work out and it's likely he has this negative mindset of "my ex was like this so I'm afraid every person I date will be the same way". He may destroy a connection with people that want to date him out of fear of the unknown or being hurt again

Sunwoo: Sorta. I think he could date a foreigner but not seriously (not in the long-term). He may be the type to like noncommittal relationships or just knows better than to date clingy and codependent people, so I see he keeps the same energy whether he's dating a Korean or a foreigner. I think that the more people oppose him dating a foreigner, the more he'll fight to date a foreigner

Eric: Yes. (Idk if he has a mutable Venus but he has no ideal type). The good thing is Eric won't let society tell him who he should love or shame him into conformity, so he would publicly and seriously date a foreigner without being afraid of what ppl may think (bc he doesn't care). The bad thing is he is so wishy washy about what he wants not just romantically but out of life that he may ghost/ditch his partner (it wouldn't be bc his partner is a foreigner but bc of his lack of direction and his mental instability). Rn, he may have his eye on a foreigner.

Juyeon: Yes, he would. He doesn't let others/the public tell him who he should or should not date. I'm getting a vibe that someone older than him teaching him negative things about foreigners (for an example, saying "Foreigners are classless and promiscuous") but I don't think he took any of this persons teachings to heart. He's like " let me see that for myself" so he goes into relationships with foreigners open-minded and judgement free. The most influence this older person had on him is that he just makes sure to vet foreign partners before pursuing anything.

Hyunjae: Yes. The problem is he knows his family and friends will not approve so he may keep his foreign partner a secret (I heard "guilty pleasure" 😶). I'm definitely seeing a misogynistic and dictatorial father figure teaching/preaching all the wrong things to him about women. But Hyunjae is a curious soul and is attracted to the unconventional, so boogeyman stories told to him by his father won't scare him off of pursuing foreigners (that moon in Aquarius of his makes him want to rebel against society's rules). So overall, he would date a foreigner, it may give him a rush of excitement/adrenaline (like the high one gets doing something they think they shouldn't be doing)

Sangyeon: Yes. He wants a foreigner that's attractive, charming and simply a baddie. He may have a desire to be with a foreign celebrity or someone with some kind influence and power (could just be a person that has a lot of power over him, yall know how those Scorpios love their power imbalances). I do still think he wants to keep the relationship healthy and productive. He finds himself super attracted to foreigners so he definitely would date one.

Q: He would but not rn. He's still dealing with a heartbreak from an ex and he's just trying to remain single while keeping his options open. He wants to focus on building up his career as well so romance isn't exactly a priority but its not something he's completely putting off either. He's another one where I feel like the more society tells him he can't be with a foreigner the more he wants to.

Haknyeon: Yes. His heart is open to love and he doesn't mind courting and loving on a foreign partner. He may just be wary about seriously committing to anybody, likely bc he doesn't want a dating scandal to ruin what he's worked so hard to build. I'm kind of getting a vibe that he wouldn't hesitate to cut partners out of his life and he will choose his career over love.

Jacob: No. He cares what people say/think and he doesn't want his partner to get hurt by those that don't like interracial relationships or that are xenophobic. If he was to have a mixed kid he wouldn't want to stay in Korea to raise them. Its not like he himself is turned off by the idea of being with a foreigner it's just his fear/sensitivity of others being turned off by his relationship. I don't think he thinks he's strong enough to deal with the backlash, may see himself as too much of a coward to handle that kind of societal pressure. He's also quite introverted and isolated rn.

New: No. He has some fear of rejection and insecurities that block him from wanting to be with a foreigner (he'll never admit it though, he would just play it off as he's not interested/attracted to them). I see some tradition here as well, like wanting to follow a path his parents/grandparents did. He has some abandonment fears as well, scared his partner could leave anytime (he doesn't care for long distance relationships).

Younghoon: Nope, he views foreigners as more sexual beings than ppl you wife up. Like he would be interested in talking, hanging out, and being intimate with foreigners but he's not taking them seriously. He could also act more raunchy and sexual to them more so than he would if he was interacting with a Korean woman (being too aggressive and touchy). He's a player that's looking for fun, isn't taking anyone seriously especially foreigners.

Overall, I got a vibe from most members except New that they were attracted to the unconventional aspect of dating a foreigner.

Most to least likely:

Juyeon

Eric

Sangyeon

Hyunjae

Sunwoo

Q

Haknyeon

Jacob

Kevin

Younghoon

New

[misshoneyimhome]

GIRL this Willy content is going to drive me mad I swear! I am needing a lil fic about maybe you meeting the fam for the first time on this international trip and you’re so excited, but also nervous because in Toronto he’s a star but in Sweden he’s the fucking sun!! And he looks so happy and fucking good that he’s willing to take you just about anywhere he can find to take away the nerves and get you to loosen up and enjoy yourself😭😭💀💀

Oh bb! Your wish is my command! ❤️ bc let’s be honest, this kind of scenario has definitely been on my mind a lot as well! 

I might have been a little too excited about the idea, so I apologise in advance for any mistakes and errors 😅

➼｡ﾟ

We are Family I William Nylander

One hour.

In just one more hour, the plane would land in Stockholm, the capital of Sweden. And as the minutes ticked by, you could sense your breaths becoming uneven, and your leg trembling with anticipation.

The reason for your anticipation? This journey wasn’t just about the destination itself; no, it held a lot more significant to it. It was the other place on earth your boyfriend, William Nylander, called his home.

Willy, your boyfriend of about six months, or maybe a bit longer or shorter - the dating phase and the decision to commit had been a bit of a whirlwind, so you weren’t entirely sure, for exactly how long you’d been together.

You'd first met William a couple of months before the playoffs and hit it off immediately. His energy yet calm and confident demeanour was unlike many others you’d ever dated, and you were captured in an instant.

But dating an NHL player during the playoffs, was close to the impossible and it had been nothing but challenging. However, somehow, amid the chaos of that time William had made his way directly to your heart, and he had found comfort in having you around. You’d quickly become his anchor throughout the tumultuous period.

Then, during the off-season, both of you felt the need for some space. Not that there were any issues between you; it was simply a desire for some individual journeys and some time to think and breath apart. So, William had travelled across Europe with friends and family, while you pursued your own adventures with some girlfriends.

However, upon returning to Toronto and meeting up again, there was no doubt: you both wanted to be together, romantically committed and all that came with it. William, as unbothered as ever, wasn't really one to overthink it, but you had had your doubts whether he truly meant it, or if you were just another fling. But then just like that, all your concerns were suddenly gone, as William asked you to join the Global Series tour, where the Leafs would play two regular season games in Sweden.

He had practically pleaded for you to come along, now that you'd officially been together for months, and he was eager to introduce you to his family. Which, for the record, and in your opinion, was a monumental step for your relationship, considering how much his family meant to him. And to top it off, you’d be meeting them in what he referred to as his home country.

As you knew he was a bloody star in Toronto – in Sweden, he was the fucking sun. He was a walking monument within the sport, and though you were used to the attention in the Canadian city, it was nothing compared to his status in the Swedish hockey world.

So, as the vibrant city came into view, your nerves were on edge, and your excitement beaming. You were longing to see William, and soon you’d be in his arms again.

**

After landing, you wasted no time grabbing your luggage and swiftly hopped onto the Arlanda Express, a quick 20-minute ride that placed you right in the heart of Stockholm. Here, William welcomed you with the most radiant smile on his wonderful face, pulling you into a deep, affectionate kiss. Despite the lingering effects of jet lag, you couldn't care less.

The team, naturally, had travelled together and arrived a few days earlier to tackle their own jet lag a head of the games. They went for team meetings before heading out to dine together, embracing the finest Swedish customs. And all the Swedish players were even invited to a premiere of the Börje Salming tribute movie, accompanied by family and friends – which had been a truly special occasion. And amidst hockey training and probably a fair share of media engagements, William had planned to devote his time to you.

So, on the following day, once you'd somewhat adjusted to a more normal state of mind, William took you out. Sensing your nerves, he made every effort to keep you distracted and calm, showcasing the most splendid places and attractions in Stockholm and introducing you to the renowned concept of Fika, Swedish style.

You could sense his pride in sharing this part of his life with you, and despite the dull, grey weather, the time spent together in his "home" city was what mattered most. And eventually, you found yourself completely at ease in his presence.

Up until the next crucial moment: meeting his family.

William loved his family very much. He cherished every single one of his relatives deeply, and to put it mildly, there were quite a lot of them. And naturally, he had invited the whole clan to the major hockey event.

"Hey," he spoke in a gentle voice as the two of you were getting ready in the hotel room. "Baby, please try to relax," his soft chuckle filled the room, but his words didn't immediately ease your nerves.

"Willy, I’m trying… but I'm meeting your parents," you replied with worried brows. You could feel how your nerves were showing, despite your best attempts to stay calm and confident by wearing your favourite outfit.

"I know, and I get that you're nervous. But there's really nothing for you to worry about."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! Besides, I'm just really happy that you're here.” He stepped a little closer, and gently wrapped his arms around your waist. “This means the world to me. You're finally meeting my parents, and I'm just so excited, you know…"

There was no falsehood in his words. His eyes shone like bright Christmas lights, and his smile was wider than you’d ever seen before.

"I know, I'm excited too – I just really hope they’ll like me… I know how much your family means to you. The worst thing would be if we couldn’t be together, because they didn't approve of me, and then, you'd have to choose, which would be even worse, since-"

William interrupted your ramble with a kiss.

"They'll definitely like you, don't worry," he almost whispered, keeping your faces close while his arms enveloped you. It was a gentle, heartfelt moment as the two of you stood motionless in the serene room. Only the sound of your synchronized breaths filled the small space between you, his rhythm guiding yours.

And gazing into his eyes, a realization began to dawn. William wouldn't have you meet his family if he wasn't absolutely certain it would go well.

And so, you made your way out of the hotel, heading towards the restaurant where you'd meet a part of his closest family, both of you unable to contain wide smiles. His hand tightly held yours, providing the reassurance you sought. And with each step towards the door, all you felt was joy, simply being by his side.

***

"Hey!" a group of incredibly good-looking Swedes exclaimed as you headed towards the back of the restaurant, where William had ensured there was enough space for everyone and allowing a degree of privacy.

"Hej," William addressed his parents as they approached, exchanging hugs and kisses. "Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, y/n."

"Hello, y/n," the two tall Swedes smiled, extending their hands for you to shake, which you accepted eagerly before speaking.

"Hej, hur mår du? Det är verkligen trevligt att träffa er båda," (Hey, how are you? It’s really nice to neet toy both), you greeted as confident as possible, earning astonished wide eyes from your boyfriend, leaving him completely baffled. This he had not expected.

"Vi är mycket bra, tack. Det är fantastiskt att träffa dig också," (We’re very good, thanks. It’s really wonderful to meet you too), his mother replied with a beautiful smile, and you couldn't help but chuckle as William stood stunned beside you.

"When did you learn that?" he exclaimed with a laugh.

"What?" you innocently asked. "I just wanted to pick up a few phrases… you know, to impress you." You flashed him a sweet smile, while his parents responded with hearty laughter. "Besides, all that effort to see that look on your face? Totally worth it."

"Oh, I like this one," his father Michael remarked, before all of you continued to join the rest of the company.

William was genuinely impressed. Mission accomplished. And so were his parents. Bonus points.

You had practised a few sentences just for fun, aiming to make an impression and show how much you were in fact interested in getting to know this part of your boyfriend better. And it seemed your plan had worked.

Although following along with the Swedish conversations was challenging, William, his parents, and sisters made an incredibly sweet effort to involve you in everything. They were exceedingly kind and welcoming, and it didn't take long for you to feel like a part of the family. What a relief.

"You know, y/n, Willy couldn’t stop talking about you all summer," Stephanie chuckled.

"Oh, come on, let's not go into that," William almost whined.

"Oh, we're definitely going there, big brother," Jacqueline chimed in with a grin, before adding, "He was glued to his phone, waiting for you to text or call..."

"Why hasn't she called me?" Stephanie playfully mimicked her brother's whiny voice, prompting Jacqueline to continue.

"Should I call her?"

"What if she doesn't pick up?"

"What if she does pick up?"

His sisters teasingly taunted him, recalling how much William had talked about you during the off-season. And amidst their banter, there was nothing but laughter from your end. Despite William's potential embarrassment in that moment, or as much as he could show, you found yourself incredibly happy. Not only was his family immensely sweet, but you also discovered that he had been thinking about you as much as you had been thinking about him. Furthermore, he had even shared details about you with his family.

"Alright, enough," William chuckled. "Just because I'm finally in love and happy, doesn't mean you get to give me a hard time."

And with smiles and laughter, the girls relented from their teasing.

For you, however, your heart skipped a beat. Warmth filled your entire being as you absorbed his words. In love.

****

After a delightful evening of dinner, conversation, and mingling, you and William found yourselves back in your hotel room. A serene silence enveloped the room as both of you slowly unwound, enjoying the relaxed atmosphere.

"Hey, are you okay?" your boyfriend inquired as you were about to join him on the bed.

"Of course," you reassured him with a soft smile.

"You're just unusually quiet... Was tonight not okay?" he probed, a hint of concern in his voice.

With a smile slowly spreading across your face, you knelt on the bed in front of him, lightly pressing your lips together before speaking.

"Willy, tonight was perfect. Your family is wonderful, and I've never seen you this happy," you said with genuine sincerity. "Not even when the team made it into the second round."

William chuckled in response, but he could read you too well, and he sensed there was more. "So, there's nothing else on your mind?"

Once more, you pursed your lips, briefly glanced down, then locked eyes with his once more.

"Did you truly mean it?"

"Mean what?" he asked, curiosity dancing in his eyes.

"That you're in love with me?"

William's smile widened at your question as he leaned closer, gently cupping your cheek with a hand.

"Absolutely, y/n/n," his voice tender and soft. "In fact, I think I love you."

With your heart overflowing with affection for this man, you closed the distance between you in a heartfelt kiss, before pulling back just a tad.

"I love you too, Willy."

[heyjude19-writing]

hello! i've got some writing questions! Do you outline? what's your writing process like? any writing advice? any books about writing or dialogue or plot that you would recommend? thanks! love your fics <3

hello there! i love writing questions.

1.) I do outline! it's actually my favorite part of the writing process. every writer probably has a different preference for outlining, and mine is on the more chaotic end, i think. it's chronological, but mostly bullet points and dialogue snippets, half-formed scenes that excite me, etc. i feel the most free, creatively, at this point. anything i think up gets thrown on here and then when i feel like there's enough of a story to pursue, i go in and write right within that outline to flesh it all out and string it together.

2.) my writing process involves a lot of daydreaming and thinking through scenes ten different ways before I go write them down. I make a story playlist. I dig into the vibes i want to feel while reading and writing this story. then, per my outline response, i go into my outline and see what excites me about the story and where i'd like to focus my energy. i generally won't fully commit to a story idea unless i have a beginning and an end i want to work towards.

3.) writing advice: find what works for you and throw the rest out. for me, writing sprints are a HUGE motivator for me to get words on a page. i also dont always write a story chronologically, but skip around my outline based on what interests me. i have to have music. don't box yourself into a particular method or style just because it works for one writer. you may need complete silence, or a designated spot in your home to work, or maybe even a schedule. try out some routines and see what sticks.

4.) im not one for books on writing, so perhaps others can weigh in on any that might have helped them. i will say that for dialogue specifically, listening to transcripts has helped me a lot. pay attention to speech fillers when you hear real conversations and don't be afraid to have your characters speak imperfectly (bc you want them to sound like real people, right?). also one of the best dialogue tips i ever read was the 'pass the potatoes' tip. basically, if you're having a meal scene, it probably makes sense to have some of the conversation revolve around the setting, to make it feel more natural/immersive and less like your characters could be talking anywhere.

even though i don't read technical books, another tip would be to read widely and pay attention to what writers you admire do in their work. im constantly impressed by writers who are skilled at leaving narrative white space, or who can master large character casts, so i focus on what i want to improve and look for that when im reading novels/fics/magazine articles.

i hope some of this helps you on your writing journey, always happy to chat about writing 🥰