#and more flashbacks to their interactions during the war

[sazernac]

Saz we need to talk about this chapter.

OK, i teared up several times. I mean like legit, when Mysaria was thinking about how Rhaenyra reacted when she found out and how the baby might put her position in jeopardy and she told the baby "i want you even if the realm doesnt" like hello?? Are you kidding me? Also did Rhaenyra ride there on horseback to get her girl back?? That was so sexy of her NGL but then the conversation they had about why they chose one another had me gagged then the hot sex like, wtf. Couldnt breathe, need a trigger warning to drink water next time. Then, the DRAGON DREAM, cause thats what it had to have been, so im flat out asking, is Mysaria going to become a Dragon rider??? Did the baby do that?? Then, Criston fucking Cole still being alive and stirring shit up in Dorne and only MYSARIA coming to the correct conclusion?? Like you have me so ready to be your sugar person to fund your next pay check so you can just stay home and give us the entire fucking fic!! Lastly, i adore the way you use High Valyrian, its so immersive and i love that this is how Rhaenyra and Mysaria really convey their emotions and connect to each other! A million kudos!

Oh my, I am so humbled by this. Especially about the needing a water trigger warning because lol. But, regarding the dragon dream, yes it was Mysaria dreaming and yes I plan to make her an official dragon rider outside of what she already does with Rhaenyra. Is her pregnancy the cause of this? Strong maybe. I’m glad you like my use of Valyrian because I love the language so being able to implement as a way to tell Rhaesaria’s story is a plus for me. Thank you so much for your comments!

[maybe-im-dark]

Alright, let’s talk about Logan’s PTSD. People throw around the term “bad memories” or “scary flashbacks,” but for him, PTSD is much more than that. His trauma isn’t just something he can brush off or ignore—it’s embedded in him, in every single fiber of his being, and the triggers are painfully specific.

Imagine needles. For most people, needles are a brief discomfort. But for Logan, they’re a brutal reminder of the agonizing, torturous hours he spent during the adamantium bonding process. Think about it: needles didn’t just prick his skin; they drilled into his bones, pumping molten metal to fuse with his skeleton. It’s like he’s reliving those moments every time he sees a needle. It’s not just a shot—it’s the memory of lying on a table, helpless and immobilized, as they drilled deeper and deeper until he became Weapon X. When doctors suggest anything that involves needles—like an IV or drawing blood—he has to fight the urge to lash out because it throws him right back to that table.

And the thing is, it’s not just needles. Medical procedures, in general, set off alarm bells for him. Even something as routine as an EEG, where they place electrodes on his head, is a complete no-go. Why? Because it looks too much like the mind control helmet Stryker and the scientists used on him, the one that allowed them to twist his thoughts and make him an unfeeling weapon. It doesn’t matter that it’s safe; Logan’s mind is hardwired to associate it with the moments when he lost control of his own mind and body, forced to do unspeakable things.

Then there’s the ever-present sense of vigilance. Logan isn’t just “hyper-aware” like most superheroes; he’s hyper-aware to the point of exhaustion. He’s constantly on alert, watching his back, assessing threats in every room he walks into. His senses are razor-sharp, which makes it impossible to ignore any sight, sound, or smell that might bring a painful memory flooding back. Smells, in particular, can set him off. The sterile smell of hospitals, or the faint chemical scent in labs, can bring him back to moments he’d rather forget. And he can’t just shut his senses down, so every little trigger feels amplified, making it a battle just to stay grounded.

And let’s not forget nightmares. Logan’s sleep is a minefield of traumatic memories. We see him wake up in sweats, sometimes even with his claws unsheathed. He’ll wake up clawing, gasping, fighting off shadows of the past that linger long after he’s woken. For him, sleep isn’t rest—it’s another battlefield, where memories become physical sensations he can’t escape. And he’ll never fully let his guard down, even around the people he loves, because he knows that one misstep could mean hurting them, especially when his subconscious doesn’t recognize friend from foe.

Logan’s need to protect his food is something that catches people off guard. But when you’ve spent years in wars, surviving on scraps, and when you’ve gone hungry as a kid running through the wilderness, that survival instinct sticks. Logan has real food insecurity—even if logically, he knows he’s safe now.

Logan will often stash food in his room, even with Wade assuring him there’s plenty in the kitchen. He needs to see that food, to know it’s there just in case. And god help anyone who takes food off his plate; he’ll instinctively react, growling or baring his teeth. It’s not about being rude or greedy; it’s a primal reaction, a reminder of times when he didn’t know when his next meal would come.

So, no, Logan’s PTSD isn’t just “bad memories.” It’s physical, it’s mental, and it affects every part of his life—from how he interacts with doctors and hospitals to how he navigates relationships and even his own body. For Logan, trauma isn’t just something he “deals with” or “works through”—it’s something he lives with, in every moment.

[ollycohens]

oh no you guys. i’m going to spew things i’ve realized while rewatching umbrella academy. I’m realizing were all being too sucked into fanon things after being stuck without canon content for so long. We have convinced ourselves Five acts like a mean mean dude to everyone but rewatching, i’ve realized he’s only stressed and is saying things out of panicked anger, especially in s1 with the apocalypse dooming over them. he acts soft to his siblings multiple times, he’s really not as mean as we write him in fanfiction. he is a little crap though, that’s for sure, and i love him for that <3

also realizing that the siblings don’t hate five. they just literally don’t know him at all. he came back a completely different person after 17 years for the siblings, they don’t know five, he’s a stranger so of course they’re gonna be cold to him. it’s like, “i don’t know you well, but you’re always going to be my brother in the end”.

ALSO. for those who ship some of the siblings, uhm… i’ve seen a lot of you guys try to prove that they don’t see eachother as siblings and more like academy students, but they very much say in just about every episode that they see eachother as siblings. they don’t actually SAY that word by word but they say things like “she’s our sister”, or “our dad”. if they say OUR dad… bro. i’m not even going to continue, you can put it together yourself. But, i do realize why people ship the siblings. I am not defending incest shippers but with umbrella academy i can see why people have resorted to it. only 3 of the characters in the main sibling cast has romantic partners. people like shipping people, people love writing romantic relationships, but with only diego/lila, dave/klaus, and sissy/viktor, (i’m not going to count five/dolores for now) people are desperate with the need to ship the rest of the siblings with someone, and since there are only a few actual canon characters in the show that interact with our main 7, people start shipping them together… yikes. anywho, that’s all for that peice. i blame the show writers as well for shipping luther/allison, they did not have to do that, but i’m hoping it was only to convey the severity of what childhood trauma does to people.

ALSO THIS HERE SHOOK ME. I actually think Reginald cares for the siblings. i hate to say it, but it’s true. caring for them does not mean being good, though. he was a horrible father, and person, but he genuinely did care for the siblings, in a like, “being the best is the best thing for you, i will make you better, for your sake, even if you don’t know it now, you will see that i am right” kind of way.

also why has NOBODY MENTIONED THIS. in season 2 when diego first reunites with five in the asylum, while he’s walking into the visitors room, he’s staring at five with this heartfelt, soft look, and then says “five…” in the most soft spoken voice ever 😭 your honor i love them

ALSO UGHHH THIS. IM GOING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT CAMERAWORK AND METAPHORS HERE SO BARE WITH ME. we as a fandom complain about the lack of flashbacks five has due to his ptsd. we’ve seen his first flashback since getting back to his family in s1 during the van scene when he gets triggered by those kids playing and starts thinking about his own childhood, i’m guessing. i ate that scene up, and was sad to see that be one of the only deeply vulnerable scenes he has in the season, and during my first watch i thought they’d never bring it back up. but they do!! i may be stupid for not realizing but whatever. in season 2, when five is trying to explain at elliot’s with all his siblings around that another apocalypse is coming, everyone starts talking about each other. as someone who studies film and camerawork, i love this scene. we see the camera focus on five as it slowly zooms in. it doesn’t switch scenes at all as the siblings voices overlap and echo over eachother. this whole scene conveys him getting overwhelmed and he starts to zone out, starting to think of the nuclear war he saw his siblings in. the scenes of the war start quickly switching through, showing many different scenes of it before it switches back to five, who says “guys, you all die. i want to forget it but i can’t” which just UGH its so well done there. if you think about it, he was starting to slip into another flashback. he was triggered by talking about their deaths in the war but was handling it well until the siblings started fighting, where we see the overlapping voices happen. it portrays him losing control and being unable to pull it back together with too much going on for him to focus on grounding himself. we DO however, see that five was able to pull himself out before he fell too deep into the flashback. i love how they show this through them still having the scene showing the war, but then fives voice starts talking over the scene which is still focusing on the war as if he was pushing it back and forcing himself to come back to the present.

thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far, i will continue to freak out another time <3

[gyubakeries]

𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | j.ww

a/n: i had a terrible nightmare, but it inspired this lmao. apologies if the plot seems weird, i just went with the flow. hope you like it! (p.s. took me just a week to write this bad boy, but trust, there's more angst on the way! itll take more time bcs im super busy but i promise im gonna deliver angst)

word count: 5k contents: dystopian au , kinda inspired by divergent too , wonwoo x afab!reader , doctor!wonwoo , reader is going to die , a little graphic at the end but for like 2 seconds , flashbacks , forbidden love , HEAVY angst , sad ending

[ present - 24th november, 2024 ]

"756, your three hours begin now," an automated voice booms through the speakers placed in your cell, reverberating through the small metal chamber you've been kept in for as long as you can remember.

the door to your cell slides open, allowing you your last bit of freedom, last few hours of life, before it was all going to be taken away from you.

hyejun, the girl who occupied the cell next to you, comes into view, her eyes already filled with tears. the two of you had become friends of some sort over the last twenty-one years of captivity. although, your friendship wasn't like the ones people wrote about in books or played out in movies.

the Misfits would never have the privilege of a real friendship.

you couldn't tell each other about childhood memories, dreams, goals, or regrets, because the last twenty-one years of your lives had been spent inside the same grey walls. you couldn't go shopping at the mall, or watch movies at the cinema, because you weren't allowed to leave the facility, no matter what.

yet, hyejun was the closest you'd ever have to a friend, which is why it hurt you to see her cry profusely.

"don't cry, you idiot," you laugh, trying your best to keep yourself calm and composed. nothing good ever came out of the both of you crying together. "don't act like you forgot that this would happen some day."

"it hurt less to pretend like it wasn't," hyejun sobs, hugging you tightly. "why did we have to turn out this way?"

you wish you could answer that question.

there wasn't really any research or accurate information on how the Misfits came to be. the only piece of information told to every Misfit child the day they turn three years old is that they didn't have a place in society.

and the next thing you know, you've been shipped off to a facility to spend the rest of your lives as outcasts; as children who were deprived of their life too quickly.

at least once during their twenty-one years in a prison, every Misfit has wondered how this system came to be. who was it that decided what the Misfits were? was there a war? or an uprising? why was it declared that upon turning twenty-four, every Misfit would be executed?

you had resigned to your fate a long time ago. somewhere between the age of five and eight, when you realized that this was your life—living locked up in the facility. it wasn't as restrictive as a prison, as you were allowed to spend time outside your cell for meals, showers, interacting with others, and visiting the in-house library, theater and much more. but you when you learnt that you were strictly denied any permission to leave the place where childhood innocence came to die—you had given up.

you stopped throwing tantrums and crying like all the other children. you stopped wanting to see the outside world again. you stopped trying to live your life. you stopped hoping. you stopped loving.

it was a cruel realization to come to at such a young age, but you never had a choice. your entire life had been decided for you, because of some goddamn reason no one knew, so you gave up on trying to fight the system.

which is why, on the day of your twenty-fourth birthday, when your last three hours on this earth were announced, there wasn't any dread or anxiety filling you. there wasn't any urge to resist and rebel against the oppression you've been subjected to.

you were just another number on the list, the seven hundred and fifty-sixth person to be killed this year.

one of the things you were thankful for was the painless death. back when you were thirteen, an old lady who worked at the facility as a cleaner had given into hyejun's incessant pleas to know how the executions occurred.

the lady had said, "it doesn't hurt at all. first, they inject you with some drug. then, you're taken into an empty white room. they have a machine in there, which i don't know much about, but in merely three minutes, you're gone."

hyejun had ended up in tears after she got to know, but all you could do was laugh to yourself. three years to live a normal life, three hours to spend before you die, and three minutes to completely wipe out your existence, as if you ever really mattered in the grand scheme of things.

ever since you came into the facility, you've seen countless people being escorted upstairs to meet their end. some scream and yell for mercy, some stab a knife into themselves before they die in a way they're not even aware of, and some people, like you, have this empty look in their eyes. they look like lifeless dolls being dragged to their doom, because anything worth living had already been snatched from their hands.

—

"one hour and fifteen minutes," hyejun whispers, looking at the timer on your wrist counting down your last few moments. "y/n, how am i going to live without you?"

"this isn't called life, junnie," you chuckle, the sound hollow and meaningless. "they should've just killed us before we were brought into this prison. this isn't a life worth living."

"how can you say that?" hyejun asks, and you look at her to gauge her expression. hyejun is one of the many people who still haven't accepted that their days are marked. she's one of the many people who hope that there is a second chance at life.

"i can say it because it's the truth," you sigh. "there's no point in grieving the loss of a life you never had."

hyejun falls silent, her expression distraught, and you feel bad for this being your last conversation with the one person you've spent your entire life with.

your heart softens just a little bit for the person who's shared this meaningless life with you, so you move closer to her on the single bed in your cell.

"i'm sorry, i guess i hadn't realized that you haven't accepted this fate like i have," you apologize, wrapping an arm around hyejun's shoulder to comfort her. "don't be too upset after i'm gone, okay? probably not the best source of motivation, but you'll just have two weeks to spend without me before..... you know." you trail off awkwardly.

"i know," hyejun nods, looking up at you. "promise me you'll find me wherever we end up once we're gone?"

"i promise," you smile, and it's probably the most genuine thing you've felt your entire life.

the two of you huddle closer, spending your last hour in silence.

the door to your cell remains open, which is why you aren't startled when two women, dressed in all-white clothing, appear at the door, one holding a glass of water, and the other a pill.

hyejun isn't as calm as you, and tears quickly spring to her eyes when she sees the two officials at the door. "y/n, it can't be-"

"764, please return to your assigned cell," one woman speaks, her tone cold and sterile, devoid of any emotion.

"i- please, just some more time, please," hyejun begs, her hands clinging onto yours, as if bargaining for more time would do anything to delay the consequence you were going to face.

"please return to your assigned cell," the woman repeats. "i will not hesitate to call security."

"junnie, go," you whisper, slowly freeing your hands from her grip. "i'll be fine, you'll be fine."

hyejun shakes her head, sobbing incessantly. "i'll miss you."

"i'll miss you too," you admit truthfully. "i'll wait for you, okay?"

hyejun nods, and after another threatening glare from the officials, she shares one last knowing look with you, and for a moment, you feel thankful for being loved by someone in this life, no matter how short or miserable it was.

hyejun goes back into her own cell, and you let your last ever interaction with her sink in.

"756, please take this pill, and then follow us upstairs," the second woman instructs, and you get off the bed to approach the women.

"happy birthday to me," you scoff to yourself, taking the pill and swallowing it down with the water.

as if some countdown has started, the two officials spring into action. each grab one arm of yours and escort you out of your room. out of the corner of your eye, you can see hyejun by her door, collapsed to the floor on her knees, sobbing and grieving the only real connection she had with anyone in this ruthless world.

you wish you could say the same, but it would be a lie.

because when you finally climb the last step, and the door to your death is opened in front of you, you find yourself looking into the chocolate-brown eyes you had foolishly let yourself fall into.

jeon wonwoo.

—

[ flashback - 28th october, 2022 ]

"i wasn't aware that you were allowed to be outside your cell past 11 p.m.," a deep voice speaks from behind you, and you nearly jump five feet into the air.

you turn to see a tall, bespectacled man standing in the kitchen, a white lab coat hanging off his broad shoulders.

he's a doctor.

"i-i'm so sorry," you gasp, realizing that you're in deep shit now. realistically, you knew that the only way you were going to leave this facility was when you died, but you had no idea what the protocol was for people who snuck out of their cells at midnight, which was against all the rules. "i just really needed some water and i didn't have any left in the cell and-"

but the doctor just smiles at you, his intimidating demeanour replaced by possibly the only smile you'll ever see that is so beautiful.

"it's alright, don't be scared," he assures you, in that rich, warm voice of his. "i'm doctor jeon. you are?"

"y/n," you reply, confused about the whole situation. were doctors supposed to be on a first-name basis with the Misfits? "i'm sorry if this sounds stupid, but are you supposed to be talking to me?"

a flicker of sadness appears in his eyes, and disappears just as quickly. "it's alright for me to talk to you. you do realize i am required to interact with everyone in this facility if they visit the infirmary, right? i'm a doctor, it's kinda my job."

your face burns with embarrassment. "sorry, that was a stupid question."

"no worries, y/n," doctor jeon laughs, seemingly endeared by your mini-meltdown. you had no idea why you were behaving this way. never in your life had you been this embarrassed or flustered around anyone. you've been living in a prison all your life, where showers are taken in communal bathrooms and privacy was a rare luxury. why did this man have to change that?

"i'm going to head back to my cell now," you clear your throat, eyes focused on the water bottle you had just filled for yourself.

"alright," doctor jeon nods. "goodnight, y/n."

you give him a nod in return, stiffly walking past him to tiptoe back to your cell. you catch a glance at his name-tag.

dr. jeon wonwoo.

the name stays on your mind for way longer than it should've.

—

[ present - 24th november, 2024 ]

"have you taken the prescribed pill?" wonwoo asks, his tone formal and cold, as if he's never seen you, never known of your existence.

you know that's far from the truth.

"yes, doctor," you reply promptly, attentively watching as wonwoo goes through a few files on his desk. you see his features harden for a second at the name you addressed him with, a giveaway of how much he hated it when you called him that.

"it'll take a minute for the pill to take effect," wonwoo says. "please head over to the chair."

you wordlessly move over to the black leather armchair in the room, sitting on it as instructed. the situation is built on similar circumstances from the past, but it feels so devastatingly unfamiliar and strange.

you don't know if it's the air-conditioner or the cold look in wonwoo's once-loving eyes that makes you shiver.

—

[ flashback - 24th november, 2022 ]

"i'll walk you to the infirmary," hyejun offers. the morning of your twenty-second birthday, you had woken up with a high fever. your body was so weak, you couldn't even move to get off the bed.

thankfully, despite the prison-like feel, the facility wasn't too restrictive with regards to the cell doors being locked, or neighbouring cellmates interacting, which is why hyejun could come into your cell and take you to the infirmary.

you're barely conscious when you enter. you can hear hyejun's muffled voice talking to the doctor on duty, explaining to them your condition, all while you struggle to stay standing upright.

soon, a familiar pair of glasses swim into your vision, strong arms lift you and place you on one of the beds, and a gentle touch on your forehead lulls you to sleep.

the name-tag catches your attention before your eyes close.

—

"doctor jeon?" you croak out, voice groggy with sleep. the doctor looks up from his desk to see you sitting up in bed, finally awake after being asleep for almost the entire day.

"ah, y/n, you're up," wonwoo smiles at you. "how are you feeling now?"

"the fever seems to be gone," you reply after a moment, feeling much better than earlier in the morning.

"that's good to hear," wonwoo nods. "your friend mentioned that it was your birthday today. happy birthday, y/n."

you sigh. "doctor, i appreciate your gesture, but having a birthday is hardly an occasion that calls for happiness, is it? birthdays are never happy for someone like me."

a similar flicker of sadness flashes in wonwoo's eyes, reminding you of the first encounter in the kitchen a month ago.

"i'm sorry, i should've known-"

"it's alright," you interrupt his apology. "at least the infirmary is a change of scenery. never had a birthday party in here before, doctor." you joke, because somehow, seeing a frown on wonwoo's face felt like it should be a crime for him to be anything but happy.

"call me wonwoo, please," he chuckles. "being called doctor by someone who's the same age feels a little embarrassing."

"we're the same age?" you question, sitting up a little straighter. "next thing you're going to tell me is that we have the same favorite color."

"i like blue," wonwoo says.

"me too!" you gasp, the both of you bursting into laughter instantly.

the infirmary was empty for the rest of the day, and the two of you filled it with laughter and stories. wonwoo gladly took the lead, telling you all about his life up until he was hired to work at the facility six months ago, and you listened eagerly. it felt like you lived life through his stories, and it stirred this dangerous feeling inside you.

you had found something that gave you hope, in a universe where hope never worked in your favor.

—

[ present - 24th november, 2024 ]

"details of subject 756. full name, lee y/n. sex, female. date of birth, 24th november 1999-"

wonwoo's voice reading out all your details, the only pieces of information that gave you any form of self-identity, was getting hard to listen to with no response.

"stop."

"756, not interrupting the procedure would be advised," wonwoo addresses you, not even looking your way, his eyes trained on the file in front of him.

"why are you treating me like you don't know who i am?" you ask him in a quiet voice. "as if we didn't spend almost two years together, in love-"

"756, no interruptions, please." wonwoo grits out, sounding just as hurt as you felt.

"you hated it when i called you doctor, and now you won't even call me by my name?" you scoff, and that seems to rouse a reaction out of wonwoo.

"you are nothing but a number on this long list of people that i have to kill," wonwoo seethes, leaving his desk to come stand in front of you. "this is our reality now, 756. whatever happened in those two years, it was a dream, a fantasy."

"our love wasn't real? the hope you gave me wasn't real?" you challenge, standing up from the armchair. "you promised me, every day, that you'd change this, that i wouldn't have to-"

"then you were stupid for believing me!" wonwoo yells, cutting you off. "you should've known that i was an idiot in love, that i would've promised you anything if it meant i could see you smile. if it meant i could see you live the last few years of your life happily."

—

[ flashback - 1st january, 2023 ]

soon after your twenty-second birthday, you had grown much closer to wonwoo. you'd visit the infirmary for no reason, just to spend hours with him, learning about how the outside world worked. there were afternoons where he'd show you pictures of mountains, oceans, parks, children, and animals that he'd taken. there were evenings where he'd sneak you into his quarters, where he'd read you a book, or turn on a random movie he thought you'd appreciate.

it started feeling less like a friendship, and more like love. the way his eyes would light up when you entered the infirmary to greet him good morning, the way his ears would turn red if any other staff at the facility would get close to figuring out his relationship with you, the way he'd hold your hand or run his fingers through your hair, and the way he'd smile at you, kissing your cheek as a goodnight before going back to his own quarters.

you knew you were foolish for falling in love with wonwoo, especially when you had such limited time to love him properly. so you began to distance yourself from him. you stopped visiting him, avoided his attempts to talk, and tried your best to forget him.

it didn't work.

it only ended up in you being dragged to the infirmary by hyejun, when you woke up on january 1st complaining of a terrible stomach ache.

it was wonwoo who took care of you then.

"you've been avoiding me," wonwoo says quietly, watching you take the medicine he gave you. "did i do something wrong?"

you stay silent, wondering if you should tell him the truth or keep it hidden.

"i've fallen in love with you."

the truth it is then.

wonwoo gapes at you, blinking repeatedly as he tries to process your words. after a minute, he regains his composure and says, "i love you too. now why were you ignoring me?"

he asked you to be his girlfriend three days later, and for the first time since you've entered the facility, your heart starts to long for more time.

—

[ present - 24th november, 2024]

"yeah, i was stupid," you laugh sadly. "i was stupid to believe that you'd actually do something to fight for us."

"and risk both our lives in the process?" wonwoo argues. "if anyone would've found out, we'd both be killed, and not the painless way."

"well, one of us is going to die anyways!" you raise your voice, the tears you've desperately held back finally spilling over. "why did you have to love me? why did you have to make me want to live? do you know how hard it is for your face to be the last thing i see before i die?"

"and you think that this is making me happy?" wonwoo says, anger, love, helplessness, all emotions bleeding into his voice. "i loved you too. heck, i still do, and even after you're gone, i'll-"

"just do it. do whatever you need to do to kill me," you stop him from finishing his sentence. five-year old you had promised to give into your fate no matter what happens. and even though seeing the only man you've loved about to end your life is breaking your heart into a million pieces, you wouldn't be alive for too long to feel that pain.

"no-" wonwoo shakes his head. "i was stupid. i should've done something sooner. i was scared and i'm sorry. i'll get you out."

—

[ flashback - 19th september, 2023 ]

"i'll get you out," wonwoo whispers into your ear. you've just pulled him into a hug before you go back into your cell for the night when the words are muttered into the skin of your neck. "i won't let you die, y/n. not like this."

"won, what are you saying?" you ask, pulling away to face him. "are you nuts?"

"i love you and i can't bear the thought of having to lose you," wonwoo breathes out, his voice sounding strained. "i can't lose you."

"wonwoo, this is the system," you scoff. "i can't not die, it's not possible."

"just trust me," wonwoo shakes his head. "i'll get you out."

you let yourself believe him.

—

[ present - 24th november, 2024 ]

"i'm not letting myself fall for empty promises anymore," your words ring out loud and clear. "just get this over with, doctor."

"y/n-"

"756. that's how you're instructed to address me, doctor," you correct him.

"i can't. i won't do this to you," wonwoo refuses, moving closer to stand in front of you and place his hands on your shoulders. "we can get out, y/n. please, let me try."

—

[ flashback - 19th september, 2024]

"there's no way out," wonwoo mutters, and you feel the hope building in your chest crumble to dust.

"what- what do you mean?" you stammer. "wonwoo, you said you'd find a way-"

"i couldn't," he sighs. "not with management breathing down my neck. they already suspect i'm in close contact with one of the Misfits, and i don't want to give them a reason to make your last few months any worse."

"did you even try?" your voice breaks, your hopes and dreams slowly getting crushed.

"i didn't," wonwoo replies hesitantly. "i'm being monitored, especially after the promotion-"

"promotion?"

"i've been assigned to the room upstairs."

the room upstairs. where every Misfit goes to die.

"you- you never told me about this," your voice is strangled, the weight of wonwoo's words pressing down on your chest like an invisible weight.

"that's because you had no business knowing about it," wonwoo snaps. "look, y/n, from now on, you and i are nothing but strangers. whatever we had between us, it has to end now."

—

[ present - 24th november, 2024 ]

"you ended things. we're strangers now," you remind wonwoo, and the tears finally escape his eyes. "you shouldn't care this much for strangers, doctor."

"y/n, i'm sorry," wonwoo chokes out, tears streaming down his face, and you belatedly realize that you’re crying too. with the back of your hand, you wipe away the unnecessary and immature tears. this was your fate.

“you didn’t try when you said you would, wonwoo,” you lower your gaze, staring at the floor. "there's no happy ending for us now. there never was."

"i know. i was an asshole for promising you something i couldn't give to you, but i know i'm going to spend the rest of my life regretting not helping you now," wonwoo argues. he holds your hands in his.

"please, y/n, give me another chance."

"you know what's funny, wonwoo?" you laugh bitterly, looking up at the man you will love till the moment you die. "at least you have a lifetime you can spend regretting. at least you have a lifetime to start afresh, find someone else, fall in love. i only had you. you were my world, and it hurt so much when you lied to me and showed me dreams i never should've seen."

"i only said all those things because i loved you then, and i love you now as well," wonwoo's voice is shaky now. he knows your time together is nearing to a close, and with every passing second, he dreads the passing of the remainder of his life without you. "i was foolish to promise you freedom, but it was only because i hated that look of hopelessness in your eyes. and you have all the right to blame me, but let me just try-"

"if you're so sure you can get me out now, why didn't you do it earlier?" you cut him off. "why now? right before i have to die?"

you see the look of guilt flash in wonwoo's eyes. your eyes fall to the white lab coat he's wearing, the symbol of the facility embroidered into the fabric, right above where his name-tag sits.

you raise your hand to brush your fingers against the only name you had desperately hoped to call out for the rest of your life.

you realize that while it was your fate was to die, wonwoo's fate was to live. the purpose of your life was to live twenty-four years on this miserable earth and then vanish, while wonwoo's role was to take your life.

no matter how realistic those two years felt, it was impossible for the two of you to be together. you were carrying out your meaningless life, and wonwoo was fulfilling his duty. a duty that never involved loving you or rescuing you.

the bitterness brewing in you for the last couple of months comes to a rest, because you understand.

"i don't blame you," you utter quietly, hands coming up to rest against wonwoo's chest. if you tried really hard, you could delude yourself into thinking that this was just another morning you would spend with wonwoo, in his embrace, living life as if you had the gift of endless time.

"you were scared too, weren't you?"

wonwoo's face crumbles. he leans forward into you, resting his head on your shoulder as his body shakes with the intensity of his cries.

you hold him tight, and you feel sorry for giving him this warmth and comfort right before you left his life forever.

"you should have never loved me," wonwoo sobs. "i thought i was making your last years something you wouldn't hate, but i just-"

"you made my last years the happiest i've ever been," you stop him. "i don't regret loving you wonwoo, not even for a second. and i'm sorry i was angry at you for not helping me get out. i was too blinded by betrayal to realize that it could cost your life too."

"it wouldn't have mattered if you got to live," wonwoo shakes his head.

"it would've, because i wouldn't have you to live my life with," you say softly. wonwoo pulls away from you. his eyes are red and puffy, and your heart aches with the urge to kiss him, one last time.

"i'm sorry," you whisper. "i'm sorry that we ended up this way. god, if i had it any other way, i would've done anything to grow old with you."

"i'm sorry too," wonwoo sniffles. "for not fighting enough for us."

"it can't be helped now," you smile sadly at him. "maybe in another universe, we get to travel the world with each other and do everything we couldn't do in this one."

"it's time to let go, wonwoo," you say, pressing one final kiss against his lips.

wonwoo inhales deeply after you back away from him. he walks back to the desk, takes out a syringe filled with a clear liquid with shaking hands and comes back to face you.

"i'll find you in every other universe, and i'll love you till the end of time," wonwoo looks into your eyes, and this one feels like a real promise.

"i know you will," you hold the wrist of the hand holding the syringe to steady it.

wonwoo presses the needle into the skin of your neck, the place where he had whispered a promise of a better life before, and you squeeze your eyes shut.

"it won't hurt at all," wonwoo whispers as an assurance, and his free hand holds yours tightly.

the needle breaks through skin, the liquid is injected, and your last three minutes begin.

you open your eyes, and nothing feels like it's changed, but then wonwoo approaches you with a black eye-mask.

"i don't want you to see what happens," he explains, and you nod to give him permission. he slips the fabric onto your head, and your vision is blocked.

the last thing you see is his name-tag.

you hear the turn of a door knob, the sound of a door creaking open, and wonwoo's last words to you.

"i love you."

you feel gentle hands guide you into the room just opened, a pair of lips pressing a kiss to your temple, the warmth of wonwoo leaving you.

you're alone.

you smell the sterile antiseptic used to clean the room, a vague burning scent, your impending death.

your time is nearly up.

you taste the salt of the last tears you'll ever shed, the sour flavor of tragic love, blood.

it's almost over.

and then, nothing. it's like your senses have stopped working all of a sudden, and you're in a vacuum.

your hands tug off the eye-mask, but you can't see anything either. you realize it's the effect of the injection.

and it's good that you can't see, hear, feel, smell, or taste anymore.

otherwise you'd see the transparent glass wall separating you from a sobbing wonwoo, hand trembling above the red button that brought about your end.

you'd hear the lasers in the room charging up.

you'd feel a scorching heat all over your skin.

you'd smell your flesh burning till you're reduced to ashes, meant to be swept off.

you'd taste the kiss of death.

the timer rings; three minutes are up.

dr. jeon wonwoo ticks 756 off his checklist.

- fin.

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[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

Sauron’s future seductions

Ever since I’ve made the post about Sauron’s demonic facets in “Rings of Power” some ideas have been cooking in my mind.

It seems they are drawing inspiration from Asmodeus (demon of lust) for his character, and this is why we see him sexually seducing female characters (like it’s customary for this demon in particular); we saw this with Mirdania in Season 2; with him employing sexual tactics (flirting, touching, etc.) to manipulating her throughout the season; granting him entrance into Eregion, brewing discontent between the smiths and Celebrimbor (isolating him from the group).

Tolkien wrote that Sauron's lust and pride increased, until he knew no bounds, and he determined to make himself master of all things in Middle-earth, and to destroy the Elves, and to compass if he might, the downfall of Númenor (“The Silmarillion”). This will be Season 3. We are also told that Sauron would still wear “a mask [he still could wear] so that if he wished he might deceive the eyes of Men, seeming to them wise and fair”. Halbrand won’t return, nor it would make sense because he was “repentant Mairon”, and that boat has sailed.

If “Rings of Power” keeps the Asmodeus inspiration (and I think it will, because it makes sense with Eru taking away his ability to create fair forms later on; he has thot around enough), this can mean we’ll see more seduction of female characters happening in the show. This has me wondering who the targets of his next seductions will be, and I have some predictions.

Among the Elves I think Galadriel will be the (obvious) target (especially if blood binding theory is correct) in Season 3. Introducing another character (like Mirdania) seems kind of pointless. They already share a connection, she’s the ring-bearer of one of the Three Elven rings he’ll try to get during the War of the Elves and Sauron, and there are details about their “situationship” that need to be revealed to the audience: namely the truth of his feelings for her.

But Sauron will also find the Nine Ring-bearers among Men. And in this plot, they might introduce new female characters, indeed. Because we saw him tempting male characters (Celebrimbor, King Durin, Prince Durin) with promises of power in Season 2, while the only female characters he interacted with (Mirdania and Galadriel) were “gifted” with some seduction tactics Asmodeus-style, for distinct reasons. Unless they kept the sexual seduction entirely focused on Galadriel (to disclose the truth of Sauron’s feelings for her), while the Nine Ring-bearers will be promises of power, in Season 3.

Unlike what the Peter Jackson makes you believe, the Nine ring-bearers weren’t all kings in the legendarium; some were, indeed kings, but others were warriors and sorcerers. Season 3 will also mark the end of Sauron’s “fair motives” in healing and rebuilding Middle-earth, for sure.

In Númenor, I predict Sauron will seduce Eärien, in Season 4. We know he’ll allow himself to get captured by Ar-Pharazôn, and be brought to Númenor as a prisoner (probably at Season 3 finale). “Rings of Power” is already building up this plot. He might seduce her to get out of prison and gain access to Ar-Pharazôn, and tempt him with power, and kick out the whole Fall of Númenor plot.

“Rings of Power” have already foreshadowed Eärien will most likely die during the Fall of Númenor (adding to the fact she’s a original character of the show, and not a part of Tolkien legendarium):

Season 5 will be the War of the Last Alliance, and Sauron will be his shadow self, probably appearing like something similar to the Necromancer (Sauron) in “The Hobbit” trilogy, and/or in full armor. I don’t think we’ll see Charlie’s face during the last season of “Rings of Power”, except if they do flashbacks), they’ll probably CGI him. No more seduction in this season, he’ll enter his “angel of death era”.

[thesweetnessofspring]

Can you do a deep analysis of the last paragraph of MJ, before the epilogue? 😭 I can grasp the gist of it, but I feel like it's not all right

Bro you really want this? Deep dive analysis into possibly the most analyzed passage in the whole series? All right. Let's go. First, the whole passage:

Now let's break it up.

Peeta and I grow back together.

I think there are two ways to take this sentence, really they both apply. The first is "Peeta and I grow back together" as in, they become as they were before the hijacking, which was in sync and in love. The second is "Peeta and I grow back together" as in, they both heal from the horrors they've had to face and as they do this together, side by side, each one having the other's backs. There's a reason why Everlarkers are so obsessed with this line, it's spawned a whole subtype of fanfiction. Grow back together, like the meadow that grew back from the bombs of the Capitol.

There are still moments when he clutches the back of a chair and hangs on until the flashbacks are over. I wake screaming from nightmares of mutts and lost children.

Suzanne's father was a veteran of the Vietnam War. I could have sworn I read an interview where she mentioned her father having nightmares, though I can't find it now. However in her picture book The Year of the Jungle, Suzanne notes some PTSD symptoms her father had, including spacing out and being back in the jungle. Here we see Katniss and Peeta both have intrusive symptoms of PTSD, similar to what Suzanne's father had. These are struggles that they continue to deal with because of the way the world used and traumatized them.

But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips.

Following Katniss referencing her nightmares, we get this information, that Peeta first holds Katniss after these nightmares. At some point in time, he's welcomed back into her bed as he was during the Victory Tour and Quarter Quell. Then, at some point following this, his lips comfort her, implying that after nightmares he kisses her.

Katniss and Peeta are familiar with kissing one another, though all but one in canon up to this point has been in front of an audience. Yet we see the difference in how Katniss kissed Peeta in the first book, where it was more calculated for the camera, and how it is in Catching Fire where even in the Quell, they kiss each other without a second thought about it, how naturally it flows into their interactions. Here, Katniss implies that same ease and natural path from holding to kissing. Peeta's lips become a comfort to her after she sees her worst fears play out in her nightmares.

On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway.

There are two instances in canon that Katniss was able to fully immerse herself in kissing Peeta without worrying about the Games or Gale. The first is following Peeta getting the medicine in the first Games. Right before the kiss, Katniss says, "...the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don't want him to die. And it's not about the sponsors. And it's not about what will happen back home. And it's not just that I don't want to be alone. It's him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread." The second is, of course, the iconic beach scene, where she says, "I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me. 'I do,' I say. 'I need you.'"

We don't know what led up to this particular night, but from the two instances before, it was likely a great emotional connection. Perhaps it was even Katniss realizing that even if she had the two suitors in front of her, it would have been Peeta she'd have chosen in the end. And this emotional connection is what prompts that "hunger that overtook [her] on the beach."

This is how Katniss describes that "hunger" in CF: "The sensation inside me grows warmer and spreads out from my chest, down through my body, out along my arms and legs, to the tips of my being. Instead of satisfying me, the kisses have the opposite effect, of making my need greater. I thought I was something of an expert on hunger, but this is an entirely new kind." This description is about Katniss's first canon experience with sexual attraction. The kissing only makes her "need greater" and the only comparable experience she has is "hunger." A hunger for "more." More what? They're already kissing and they become "wrapped up" in each other. It stands to reason, then, that her body is asking for further sexual stimulation. There is the emotional connection, with Katniss realizing the depth of her grief if Peeta dies and she lives, in connection to her sexual desire.

And here we also have another favorite of the Everlark community: "this would have happened anyway." Perhaps anticipating the response from "Team Gale" that Peeta won by forfeit, Collins and Katniss are clarifying that no, Katniss would have actively chosen Peeta. That "anyway" tells so much. It's not "if Gale had come back to District 12 but I still saw him responsible for my sister's death." It's anyway. No matter what condition or events, Katniss would have grown back together with Peeta, would have brought him back into her bed, would have felt aroused by him and chosen him as her life partner.

That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself.

Up to this point, Gale really only has two associations with fire: first when he and Katniss are at the lake and she's describing Snow's threats as he cooks them food. And last, the bombs that killed Prim. Here we see the dual nature of Gale's fire. One is homey and nurturing, the other destructive. Gale is both. There was a time when his fire helped keep Katniss's going, and she did to his. Katniss says it here, she has "plenty of fire" herself. Only Gale's fire is not limited to the hearth. When given the chance, the wind picks up his fire and flamed it outside of the hearth and into brush of "rage and hatred." He thought he was defending himself and other vulnerable people. But fire is difficult to control once it begins to burn and Gale lost control of his when he shared his plans with Beetee and Coin. And even in smaller instances, when Gale's fire fought Katniss's fire, they simply burned out. On a personal level, their similarities are what drew them apart from each other.

In comparison, Peeta is described as being a "whiz" at fires, even lighting up damp wood. Following Prim's death, Katniss says she has "no fire." Gale's fire burnt out hers. Yet we see here that Katniss says she "has plenty of fire" herself. Who stoked her fire back to life but the boy she grew back together with? The one who could rouse her from mental anguish and hopelessness, and also soothe her when her anger was roused up? Gale's fire puts her out. Peeta's hand steadies her flame.

What I need is a dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again.

Here I am going to go on a bit of a nerd-out on the dandelion here. In some variations of the Theseus and the Minotaur story (which THG is loosely inspired by), Hecate feeds Theseus dandelions for 30 days before his encounter with the Minotaur to give him strength. In others, he ate a dandelion salad after killing the Minotaur. The Minotaur is Crete's version of The Hunger Games, and Theseus ends it by killing the Minotaur.

Katniss first associates dandelions with Peeta after catching his eye the day following the evening when he threw bread to her and he had a bruised cheek. This dandelion gave her hope and is one she associates with Peeta from the beginning of the story. This dandelion gave Katniss strength to keep fighting and providing for her family, the first Minotaur the Capitol puts up against its people, their hunger and poverty. Then on the way to the 74th Games, Katniss has determined that Peeta's kindness is a play of his and she throws out his father's cookies to be rid of any kindness from the Mellarks, but they land "in a patch of dandelions by the track. I only see the image for a moment, because the train is off again, but it's enough. Enough to remind me of that other dandelion in the school yard years ago." This dandelion then reminds her of the ways she braved the wood alone at first, how she made trades, took what her father had taught her and applied it. And this reminder lingers with her on her journey for the ultimate fight of her life (so far), the Hunger Games. She is once again fed by the dandelions on her way to face her Minotaur.

Through the Games, Katniss loses her free will, her privacy, and any remaining peace she had left. This of course launches into the whole of the series where she's deafened, manipulated, publicized, flaunted, scarred, terrorized, sees others killed and kills other. By the end of Mockingjay, she's "a badly burned girl with no wings. With no fire. And no sister." Katniss has faced "destruction" on a personal, familial, and community level due to the wings staples on her and the fire others lit and she has little left at the end.

And yet, even when she so badly wants to die, when Peeta tells her he can't let go, she holds on. She holds on until "spring's in the air" and her dandelion in the spring, Peeta, returns. While the dandelions of his kindness fed her after her father's death and before the Hunger Games, here he is nourishing her again after the war. Reminding her of the goodness that there still is in life, "no matter how bad our losses." And for both Katniss and Peeta, they've had really, really bad losses.

And here it is: dandelions to Katniss are not just a pretty flower, or a symbol of wealth as the rose is to Snow. Dandelions are food. They are nourishment. Dandelions can even be medicine. They grow everywhere and can be found everywhere, bright little suns that can offer so much. Peeta is that to her as well. He nourishes her, strengthens her, is her medicine, and the only person she consummates a romantic and sexual relationship with and fulfills the "hunger" that is "an entirely new kind" to her. He gives her life in every way that is possible and gives her a rebirth, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real."

"So after" we can canonically take as whatever came after she felt hunger (aka sexual desire). It's difficult to interpret it other than that this is when they consummated their relationship, in the very least engaging in some sexual act beyond kissing. Because Katniss says that Peeta's arms and eventually his lips helped her through her nightmares, and this is more than that. It is enough to stand apart and prompt Peeta to clarify his greatest question in the series, about whether or not Katniss loves him.

"Real or not real" was a game Katniss and Peeta have been playing since the beginning. Was Peeta really that kind? Did Katniss actually have feelings for Peeta, even when both knew it had started as an act? What is their relationship if the Capitol is making them play at being a happy couple? Although the hijacking made Peeta question his entire life, even without the hijacking, this is surely something he would have had to ask anyway, and only more so after the hijacking.

Finally having taken time to grieve, to come back to life, to grow back with a partner she trusts, Katniss can confirm to him that yes, she loves him. The final word answering one of the earliest questions in the series: who does Katniss love romantically, if anyone? And the answer, that has been there since his name first appeared: Peeta Mellark.

[thorntopieces]

assorted pjo/hoo headcanons

part 1 - part 2

autistic!will. i mean. i was one of the first people to write it (and post it on ao3, but i had stuff about it on my long gone old blog before then). this is true. to me. it's not incredibly obvious unless you know what you're looking for because 99% of the time he's eloquent and very passionate and maybe it's just the hyper healer in him and he'd like to think he passes well. but for people who know they can just tell. it's the voice, man /gn. gives you away every time /lh

pots!hazel. she ends up (mostly!) recovering from the fainting episodes associated with her flashbacks but still faints and feels unwell a lot of the time. she spends a lot of her energy and magic on staying conscious and aware, leaving her foggy and with flare-ups. will ends up diagnosing her half-way on accident during the three days nico stays in the infirmary. she doesn't faint a lot, but she will frequently have her vision black out when she stands and feel nauseous if she has to stand still for more than ten minutes (more or less depending on the day). together with jason and nico the three of them make up the fainting trio

reyna speaks excessively formally and politely when she's uncomfortable and the moment she feels safe around you she will just loosen up completely. it becomes very clear very quickly how much of her time is spent being uncomfortable

genderfluid!lou ellen. most of the time she's happy to be referred to as a girl, but some days it just feels wrong and she prefers to be referred to either gender-neutrally or masculinely. it's not something she's out about to anyone but her closest friends, partially because there's kind of enough stigma around being the child of hecate and also, it's not all that obvious, even to her.

nico is a bit like a social interaction vampire. he's not as shut off as others seem to think, he just needs to be given explicit permission to talk about his interests because he's worried about annoying other people, especially after bianca essentially abandoned him. he could talk for hours and hours about his special interests (because yes, he's probably autistic too) like mythomagic (he picks it up again with percy's encouragement), ancient languages and literature

will and katie (gardner) friendship. they bond over liking star wars and when lou ellen join their circle she manipulates the mist to recreate scenes from the movies. as she gets better at it she manages to make the light sabers glow, much to will and katie's delight

after the battle of manhattan and will/kayla/austin almost dying from being overworked, the camp gets together with mr d and chiron without the apollo kids' knowledge and figure out how to run the infirmary in a more sustainable way than just forcing apollo and athena kids to be there. eventually they settle on apollo kids doing 8-hour shifts but none at night unless someone is severely wounded. for the night shift, other campers work in rotating pairs where one sleeps for the first four hours and the other for the last four hours. a lot more campers gain appreciation for the amount of work the apollo (and athena) cabin put in to keep them alive and healthy and the apollo cabin doesn't die of burnout

t1 diabetic!kayla. she's been sick with it since she was six, but thanks to having a very supportive dad and a team of professionals around him considering his status as an olympic archer, her condition is well-managed (most of the time, war time is unpredictable) and she knows how to treat and manage it considering her demigod lifestyle. accompanying headcanon to this: while ambrosia and nectar is mostly to heal injuries and wounds of a divine and/or serious nature, it can short-term manage blood sugar. mortal intervention is always needed to fix the problem though. a bit like how narcan delays but can't entirely fix an opioid overdose

cecil wasn't properly accepted as a child of hermes at first considering he didn't express exceptional skills at the more obvious and everyday traits associated with the cabin (multilingualism, athleticism, thievery). first when he was found to accidentally being an exceptional saboteur was he properly accepted by the rest of his siblings. due to this he tended to hang out with the unclaimed children in the hermes cabin rather than his own siblings, especially lou ellen

hjs!cecil (hypermobile joint syndrome; double-jointedness). he's not good with most physical activities because of this and easily discouraged to even attempt most sports due to how his cabin alienated him for not being exceptionally agile, a trait associated with their cabin. it's not uncommon for his wrists and ankles to not work well (such as the twisted ankle in boo). however, he feels like he "compensates" for this by working in the shadows. when properly encouraged and supported, he prefers fighting with knives (close combat or throwing), relying on being obnoxious to throw the enemy off

[crispytime]

Do you think Gaster’s (Handplates) actions are forgivable?

I know my whole online presence is thristing and praising this stupid skeleton man but joy and whimsy aside, his actions were cruel and not justifiable no matter what you tell me. Whats that one saying that goes like “Those who cry after are no better than those who don’t” or something

Short answer: No, absolutely not 😰

Long Answer: His actions were HORRENDOUS 😭 He knew what he was doing was wrong and illegal yet he still did it “for the greater good.” He shows guilt during and after, even in a Mercyplates variant where he didn’t even do anything he still knew what he was doing was wrong. Torturing 2 CHILDREN, on top of that YOUR BIOLOGICAL children, is one of the worst things you can do 😕 As much as I can go off about everything he’s done to those 2, from a story perspective I LOVE his whole arc, even if it was cruel. my points are all over the place so sorry if its confusing or off topic. Who’s ready for an English teacher rant abt why curtains are blue

I like how his story is KIND OF told backwards. He is seen from the brothers’ perspective mostly as well which influences our perspective of him. He’s introduced as a stoic and cold scientist who will do anything for the sake of scientific discovery and freedom, we get very small glimpses at his true character that can easily be missed behind the mask he puts up and all the torture and head blowing up 😭 As the lab arc continues and he starts making more and more bad decisions fueled off his curiousity, it’s super easy to just say, “he’s a horrible person.”

Near the end of the lab arc as he starts to wear himself out, his mask starts to fade and he slips up more often. We can see him make decisions from his heart instead of what he told himself he should be doing. Of course Sans and Papyrus catch on 🥰 But this also gives Papyrus a chance to reach through to him. This time we are able to see more of who he really is. In his discussion w Papyrus about the little skeleton in the war (that obviously isnt him 🙄 /s) He is plagued with guilt following the war, he believes that if he had done something, he could have saved his family and species. This little snippit of his backstory tells us that this is his main motivater (and later more emphasized in little flashbacks after his fall.) We know the King had to essentially sacrifice himself in order to free his people, and in brief pages we see Asgore means A LOT to him. He won’t let himself “sit around and do nothing” as he is about to lose one of the only people he has left. As he and Papyrus have a debate about if the little skeleton was right or wrong, he does lash out. It’s easier for him to accept that he is a bad person doing bad things and he does take it rough from Paps 😬

We can sympathize with him now because we know he is doing it out of good intention. That he wanted to find SOMEWAY to break the barrier and save Asgore. Despite his efforts, he also grows attatched to the brothers and it sways him to drop the project near the end of the lab arc, ESP after the goopster incident. Even with his interactions with Asgore and Alphys, we see he isn’t really the person he pretends to be. He cares about them, he cares about the brothers. During the goopster incident where he fights for the brothers’ lives against his junk data(?) we also gain another point to sympathize with him because even if his life was on the line, he still jumped to defend the brothers (the whole time denying it and being exposed by his evil goop clone). He is no longer this evil scientist who is torturing 2 little kids for the sake of science. We see he is also a war victim who is doing all he can to protect the ones he cares about (even if it’s at the expense of others). For some people, it gets harder and harder to label him. He is a good (and traumatized) person doing bad things. Does that still make him good or does it make him bad?

After his fall and we become way more brothers focused, we start to get flashbacks into Gaster’s perspective. Parts that we didn’t see before, the war, his relationship with other characters, and his build up to starting the project. To keep summarize bc its already really long, its my point earlier. It builds to his character, we gain more depth and personality. Gaster becomes more “human” yadda yadda yadda ���

In the void, we see he has been floating between the bonds of reality torturing HIMSELF essentially. On top of the insane guilt he felt after everything he’s done, it all meant nothing. He sacrificed his entire life into a project just for his entire existence to be forgotten and yeah he’s gonna be pretty jacked up. More sympathetic YOU GET MY POINT. He tries to push Sans and Papyrus away but Papyrus won’t allow it. Gaster knows and accepts that what he did was unforgivable and we get this sad anime angst battle between the 2. Gaster has shown a LOT of remorse and Papyrus uses this as hope to “redeeming” him. Sans not so much, he is rightfully angry about all the pain and trauma Gaster has permanently inflicted on them both. From Sans’ perspective, he knew he didn’t deserve what happened to him. He was left scarred and bitter after everything and he cannot forgive him for that. But for Papyrus, being who he is, wants his dad. He’s seen from Gaster’s actions (and memories) that he is a “good person” inside. That he made choices based on his past experiences. Papyrus DOES still recognize that they were bad decisions and he also didn’t deserve any of it but gives him a chance to become better, he knows Gaster WANTS to be better. He makes up with Sans and Papyrus (mostly papyrus) (only papyrus..) and they live happily ever after!….yeah… 🥰

Long story short, Gaster made a lot of atrocious decisions because of past trauma. He cared for people and felt the need to save them in an attempt to heal something broken in him, but in the process he made things significantly worse for himself and the brothers who were unfairly wrapped into his mess. He is a victim who became an abuser, projecting his past experiences onto the brothers in cruel and inhumane ways, hurting and torturing them in horrific ways for the sake of his curiousity and making them “strong enough” to achieve his already impossible goal in a blur of desperation.

He is a morally grey character which causes the big divide of opinions on him. Which is fair honestly, he’s complex. (i probably mischaracterized him in my rant too, sorry 😢)

I don’t think his actions are forgivable, no matter how much remorse he shows or how much he changes and improves. I’ve run out of words to describe how bad his actions were. He can become better, yes. But I will never forgive and forget something of that level.

thanks for reading my ginormous rant, I’m sorry if it was confusing hard to read, or just didn’t make sense 😭 I’m a disorganized person with a chaotic thinking style 💔

feel free to tell me your thoughts! I’d like to read them :)💛

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

elliot ludwig headcanons:

he's short. not SHORT short but he's less than average when it comes to his height

smoked a freaking LOT. man's lungs were like a freaking furnace, he only stopped smoking as much as he did after adopting poppy

speaking of poppy, he 100÷ dotted on her. gave her everything she asked for, spared no expenses. poppy was SPOILED, but elliot did manage to raise her to be a good person who's thankful of what she has

he knows how to sell an idea, he has the people smarts, he knows how people work, but he would rather interact with people he already knows than to meet new people. not that anyone besides poppy ever knew of this

poppy learnt how to manipulate others from him, and it wasnt even intentional, elliot just wanted to be sure his daughter knew how to navigate herself in a world that wasn't always kind

to me he legit loved children and legit never ever EVER wanted any of the experiments do be done. i think this adds a good layer of tragedy to the game and it's more meaningful than "the guy shoved children inside toys for the funsies" theory

yes he was always very good with kids, man had infinite patience with them no matter what happened

had no romantic relationships after his divorce, mostly because he worked too much. only stopped working as much after he found poppy

his weight fluctuated between slightly chubby to average for most of his life

always wore the same combination of clothes, always used the same mug, etc etc. he was a man of habit

also hated throwing things away thanks to living through the great depression. if something can be fixed he will fix it

WWI war vet, has some bad flashbacks and episodes from time to time

designed the smiling critters when he was on his 70s, but died before they could be made. playcare was reformed to add in all the critter stuff during the late 80s

was quite a charming man, probably someone's bi awakening, but elliot himself never cared much about this sort of thing. he had a wife, then they divorced, and that was it. could have gotten married again if he wanted to, tho

VERY proud of his engineering knowledge and way of doing things, please do not question his methods, he's too stubborn to change them

100÷ tried to do the "if you hurt my daughter i'll make sure you regret it" talk to the first guy poppy dated, but ended up bonding with him over a shared interest of airplanes

kept his wedding ring around, despite everything

[effieotto]

Do you have any Haymitch headcanons?

I don’t know if they are good, but that’s my Haymitch Headcanons…

• Twelve was a conservative District, because they were the farthest District from the Capitol, so they preserved some of the traditions from the old days, like religion. So Haymitch was a very christian boy (at least as much as he could be in that dystopian world), cause his mother used to pray every night with him and his brother. (Effie once asked him to teach her how to pray, because she enjoyed how calm he felt when he was doing it)

•After a year of just drinking himself to oblivion in Twelve and not having to go back to Capitol for mentoring, Haymitch got bored and decided to do something to pass time, apart from keeping his geese. So he decided to help the few people who were living there. He helped Sae with her new restaurant; he joined the crew who were rebuilding the District; he went hunting with Katniss sometimes and stayed with Peeta at the bracketed when he was understaffed and needed some help.

•He doesn’t hate all the people from Capitol. Just like Katniss learnt how to warm up to her prep team, Haymitch didn’t generalized his hatred as well. He directed his rage only for the ones he knew deserved, like Sponsors and Game markers. Actually he found them silly and funny, and made jokes with Chaff about how they looked like domestic animals.

•He is the godfather of at least one of Hazel’s, children, because they were childhood friends, but he wasn’t present in their lives, cause he didn’t want to be close of children who could be ripped.

•he and Effie had the tradition to share a bottle of whiskey in silence every year after losing their tributes, and he found sadly amusing how she always joined him, even though he knew she hated whisky

•He wasn’t a jerk! Haymitch behaved like his mother taught him to, so he was educated with the people he thought deserved it -not mannerism, but simple little things like saying thank you and sorry. However, he could be a total asshole when he wanted, and he did it often to push people he didn’t want to interact away, like most of the Capitols and his tributes

•Haymitch and Katniss’s mother had a good relationship because her father saved his baby brother when he had chickenpox once, so when Katniss was reaped he wanted to return the favor

•after their tributes dies, he, Chaff, Seeder and Effie would take some days off and do something fun to forget the tragedy of that all. So they would play poker or pool, drink and have a fell broke laughs

•Haymitch learnt how to play guitar when he was a teenager, and after the war he was the one to play the Christmas songs for Katniss and Peeta

•He likes to have control during sex to avoid flashbacks from his appointments with Capitols

•He is a great dancer, and he rock the District and the Capitol dances. However he hates to do it in front of people cause he doesn’t like the attention

•he couldn’t look at Mrs Undersee in the eyes, because she looked too much like Maysilee

•He adopt a wild cat after the war cause he enjoyed feeling him purring in his belly when he was sleeping

•He asked Peeta’s help to plaint some flowers in his yard after the war for his mother and his girlfriend, cause they both had flowers names and he wanted to do something nice, like Katniss did for Primrose.

a have some more but i think it was already too much, so that’s it lol

[phoenix-king-ozai]

Honestly I'm more impressed when reading fanfics in ATLA how Ozai is constantly tormenting his kids(sexually, physically, emotionally) like 24/7. Personally Ozai struck me as the type of person to not really focus on his kids beyond honing in their skills, especially if that kid is Zuko.

Seriously if Zuko never spoke during the war meeting Ozai probably would've entirely ignored him. When we see what Ozai's ideal version of Zuko is like when he's under the impression Zuko killed Aang, Zuko is legit silent and basically sits there like furniture during the meeting.

Also I struggle to see Ozai interacting with his children beyond training since that's probably where Ozai's expertise lies more than parenting. Ursa was probably bench pressing the parenting duties until Ozai told her to leave and even then, I imagine Ozai left other people to do the more tedious tasks like servants or what not.

I believe that Ozai, Ursa, Zuko, and Azula including the entire Fire Nation Royal Family have very complex relationship dynanamics with each other. I believe that over time Ozai began to develop feelings of affection, care, even geniune love for his family. However, since Ozai has been raised to be a ruthless, cunning, manipulative vicious warriors since his childhood. Ozai and Ursa maybe be Fire Nation Royal and Noble by blood. However their personalities and background environment extremely differ. Which is why Ozai is so much colder, cruel, and brutally ruthless compared to his wife Ursa and even brother Iroh. Ozai has been personally brainwashed and socially conditioned since childhood by the Fire Nation Elite and Fire Lord Azulon to become the man that he is today. Compassion, Morality, Peace, Pacifism and Mercy are signs of Weakness and MUST be eradicated and eviscerated. However, during Zuko and Azula early childhood Ozai was more gentle and fatherly towards his children and husbandly towards his wife. Ozai was never some sadistic wife and child beating that the ATLA Fandumb tries to horribly make him out to seem like! It just their Abuse Porn Headcanon Fanficition Obession!

Zuko mentions that Ozai and Ursa along with their family used to be happy, and we saw that in Zuko's flashbacks. Yang, just decided to make Ursa a victim because in his mind: URSA IS A GOOD WOMAN! OZAI IS A BAD MAN! SHE MUST BE HELD HOSTAGE BY THE EVIL ABUSIVE MONSTER!!! While Ozai and Ursa arrange marriage does make sense and was confirmed by the creators. It doesn't mean that Ozai and Ursa's relationship was ALWAYS BAD, or SHE WAS KIDNAPPED! Plus, the Urzai relationship is quite normal in the antiquity of Asian societies that the Fire Nation is based on aka Shogunates of Japan and Imperial Chinese Dynasties!!!

Ozai HIMSELF stated in the comics that he tried to be a good father to Zuko and Azula during their young childhood which is canon to flashbacks that Zuko has in the show. Zuko HIMSELF also stated that Ozai tried to be a good father to him and Azula. WHICH ALSO EXPLAINED WHY ZUKO TRIED SO DESPERATELY TO GET BACK IN HIS FATHER'S GOOD GRACE AGAIN AND REGAIN HIS FATHER'S LOVE! So, in conclusion, Ozai did love and care for Ursa, Zuko, and Azula. Despite, according to the comics he was ALSO FORCED into an eugenics experiment with the granddaughter of his grandfather's old rival and friend. On the orders of his father Fire Lord Azulon and the wishes of the Fire Sages. I believe that Ursa did alot of the child rearing when Zuko and Azula were toddler with Fire Nation Royal Servants helping her as well. However, Ozai was a active and positive influence as a father for his children in their early youth. Why would Zuko desperately want to return to the Fire Nation and his father if Ozai was just a cruel, harshless, bastard to him? Ozai, Ursa and the children used to enjoy the time at Ember Island with theater plays and playing on the beach at their family's summer house.

Ozai's harshness and ruthlessness regarding Zuko have nothing to do with Ursa or Ikem's forbidden love! Ozai wants Zuko and Azula to both prove themselves. Ozai doesn't favor Zuko or Azula. It is about which child will succeed Sozin, Azulon, and his legacy as future Fire Lord. In fact, Ozai doesn't want Zuko or Azula to think that they are the “favorite” child. He wants Azula and Zuko to improve through competition. Because of the “only the greatest of pressures can forge diamonds” & “steel sharpen steel” mentality. Ozai has the mentality of an imperialist warlord. Ozai isn't trying to be the world's most loving and caring father but rather continue and build upon a powerful and dominant legacy that his forefathers had created before him. He wants Zuko & Azula to be cold, ruthless, heartless, vicious, and brutal imperialistic warmongers like him (Ozai), his father (Azulon), and his grandfather (Sozin). As far as Ozai and Azula is concerned, Zuko is a disgrace as Firstborn of the Firelord. Ozai had some hope in the past for Zuko which is why he didn’t Exile, Assassinate or Banished him during his childhood or during reign as Firelord until the Agni Kai duel. Ozai was originally shame of Zuko for possibly being a non bender. Fire Bending probably means everything to Fire Nation Royalty and Nobility, even Piandao [probably noble] parents abandon him for being a non bending because it would be a disgrace. Ozai was probably going to disown Zuko for being a “non-bender” that was born on a Winter Solstice and Premature. High Fire Nation society is all about power, dominance, intimidation. 

In Fire Nation Elite Society, the Agni Kai between Ozai and Zuko was socially justifiable in the eyes of the of the elite noblity. The burning and banishment was cause by Zuko breaking sacred Fire Nation tradition in a War Meeting that he wasn't invited for!

HE IS A COMPLETE FAILURE OF A FIREBENDER AT 14 AND HAS NO MILITARY EXPERIENCE AS A GENERAL YET HE HAS THE GALL TO CALL OUT GENERAL LI PLANS FOR BEING TERRIBLE?

INSULTING AND CRITICIZING A HIGH RANKING WAR GENERAL WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE NOT BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE ACCORDING TO IROH!

REFUSING TO DUEL (ANIMATED ATLA) OR HOLDING BACK (NETFLIX ATLA) IN A SACRED AGNI KAI DUEL WHEN COMMANDED BY THE FIRE LORD AND HIS IS OWN FATHER!

Extremely hot take...Yeah, I know. Granted, Zuko was MORALLY RIGHT about the Fire Nation troops being sacrificed on the battlefield for victory, but SACRIFICES ARE COMMON IN FUEDAL ANCIENT WARFARE which the Fire Nation is based on! Tokugawa Shogunate Japan, Yuan Mongolian Empire, Tang Dynasty and etc. Which were Imperialist and Absolute Monarchies. Robb Stark and Napoleon did the same thing and are considered great generals!

Was the plan immoral? Yes, but the Fire Nation genocided the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom for decades. Morality is the LEAST of the Fire Nation concerns especially when you can sacrifice a platoon of inexperienced fodder to capture a massive town or city and flank the powerful EK army. Firelord Sozin also had no issue committing genocide against hundreds or thousands of Air nomads during the beginning of the war, the same can be said for his son Firelord Azulon genocide of the Southern Water Tribes and his raids on the Earth Kingdom and Seige of Ba Sing Se!

Ozai's distaste and despisement of Zuko have NOTHING to do with Ursa and Ozai's arguments in ATLA Canon even in the Comics Ozai was simply saying that to hurt Ursa's feelings and gaslight her over bullshit letters. Ozai views Zuko as a disappointment of a son, firebender, and prince. His skills in Firebending are pathetic compared to his sister's and his morality from his mother and later uncle is out of line with Ozai and mainstream Fire Nation Elite Imperialists. If Zuko was a ruthless and cold-blooded killer like Azula and was at least just as good as his YOUNGER sister, then Ozai would NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEM with Zuko as his son and heir! Zuko represents everything that Ozai was raised to hate and resent; compassion, morality, mercy, weakness, etc. Ozai hates his son for incompetence as a firebending warrior which is antithetical to Ozai as the strongest firebender in the series along with him being an Agni Kai champion along with the morality and softness that Ursa and later Iroh fostered in Zuko. The fact that Zuko doesn't conform to their society's warrior culture and morality bothers his father since Ozai was likely forced to conform since his own childhood under his father Azulon’s reign. Ozai probably resents that Zuko has his mother and uncle's affection whereas Ozai as a child probably didn't have his mother, Ilah's love to protect and care for him from Azulon's wrath due to her death in childbirth. Iroh got to experience his mother's love and presence along with his father's respect during his childhood, something that Ozai never had. Ozai resents his first-born Zuko and relates far more with his second-born daughter Azula who is neglected like him.

[morn-yvri-winters]

Fun CogDis Fact [+ Some Theory Crafting & Regards to Lore itself] (STORY SPOILERS... for a 15 year old fan-game)

So i was doing some data mining (as in looking inside of the game files for fun to see how the game ticks and works, and boy howdy let me tell you, RPG Maker 2003's UI scares me, props to Otherhand for navigating through these... many variables, numbers, & symbols going on, because it honestly overwhelms me) I had learned that:

Cerue appears in the Maria & George Magicant Flashback as one of the background Gieegs behind the windows. While this most likely is just a matter of reusing sprites, it should also be noted that not all Gieegs in the "allthegoogs" sprite sheet actually get used. Like, i want to say around 3/4ths of them actually ever get used (there are a total of 4 Gieegs in "allthegoogs".

(UPDATE 1: She's actually present for one more scene, i think? For whatever reason, her event handler has two pages but she appears for both pages, from what i can guess, she is meant to be the Gieeg that appears during the sequence where Maria & George are walking down the hallway [i think i want to say when George wants to show off the mental amps to Maria, since they share similar variables "0049: maction", which is meant to be the activation of an event via some number inputted by some handler)

(UPDATE 2: Yep, she is present for the scene when George & Maria head to the giant vault door to then breach using the Mental Amplifier Device, yet she doesnt seem to look, which could mean Otherhand forgor to make her turn or she wasnt meant to be there)

Another fun fact, the two Gieegs (referred to as goog 1 & goog 2 internally) that appear when Giegue has his overstimulation moment by Maria's Melody are actually using Giegue's Sprite Sheet (referred to as "Newgiegue")

(a part of me wanted to say its probably due to Giegue being the only "stock-standard" looking gieeg to have a moving sprite, but that isnt even remotely true since the gieegs from "allthegoogs" ALSO have walk sprites as well)

...the fact that the misc googs dont get used here either really feels like there was some manner of implication there by the dev. Personally i feel like its meant to imply that this is Giegue's actual parents but that would be a MONSTROUS conclusion to jump to, especially when there is ZERO mention about the BG Gieegs other than them appearing in scenes and the "(They're watching)" interaction.

Actually, the only real plausible theory to make here would be that Cerue was around for the Human Caretaker Experiment/Goog's Arrival to the Solar System. I mean, the fact that she knows about Giegue and refers to him as an anomaly, seems to imply she knows a LOT more about Giegue (as in a majority of his history/biography) than what the player already knows (who he is, what he is, what he becomes, etc.), in addition, she has a Starman in a chamber and seems to know about their origin/capabilities, even calling their transformation into Starmen a mistake yet compliments the design itself.

Which reminds me of something else, the timeline of events in CogDis which are awfully questionable in terms of order (at least for 1 to 4):

"QUESTIONABLE" TIME OF EVENTS

(190X) - The Gieegs arrive to the Solar System and successfully neutralize the Martian's Space Station's Inhabitants to ensure they have the element of Surprise on their hand.

(190X) - The Gieegs arrive to Mars and engage in war against the Martians. They are successful in doing so and assimilate the Martians into their Army/Empire as the "Starmen" (?).

(190X) - Maria & George find Giegue out in the wild, they are then kidnapped and Maria is supposedly in a mini coma for over a week??? Regardless, George & Maria take care of Googie (also George works out some arrangements with the Gieegs to make sure that everything is comfortable to their liking).

(190X) - 2 or so years later, the event occurs, Maria gets Magicant'd and George runs away with the Mental Amplifiers.

(190X -> 198X) - Mother 1's Back Story involving George's Return to Earth occurs and eventually leads to the events of Mother 1 itself (also apparently PSI spreads out across Earth itself?).

I refer to this as being "questionable" as I am highly unsure as to whether or not the Gieegs were the only ones present on the Mothership OR if the Gieegs had done Mars dirty, assimilated the Martians into their Army as the Starmen and then went to Earth.

Personally a part of me wants to believe its potentially the former, as them getting pissed off at Humanity and taking it out on the Martians seems fitting in terms of MOTHER/Earthbound Logic (problem is that this wouldnt really align too well with the Mars' Data Log).

However it might actually be the latter considering that the Gieegs come from outside the Solar System, and by this time the Martians are the only one with a Space Station/Satellite, them getting neutralized by the Gieegs feels fitting, as the Gieegs themselves REALLY dont like it when another race has PSI (or at least, if they do, they dont like them being a potential threat to their goals, whatever THAT may be).

[tl;dr version of this paragraph, either they got super pissy and took out their hate on Mars or they are the equivalent to the Viltrumite Empire from INVINCIBLE and neutralized Mars so nobody would know and potentially warn others who about their arrival]

(now im thinking of the "THINK MARK! THINK!" meme in my head but with Giegue & [insert fitting character role here])

(Also if you're wondering why i've come to such a strong assumption about the Gieegs, it mainly has to do with a friend of mine bringing up a really good point when i was discussing lore stuff about my sona's world (aka the one in my pfp and which i have a ref sheet to), that being "Why would a race that seems peaceful, need weapons of mass destruction to defend themselves? That would imply that they aren't peaceful in the slightest or have blood on their hands." and it sorta stuck with me. Like, the best example I can currently think of is: An alien race comes down to Earth and says "we come in peace" and then pulled out a nuke and vaporized an entire forest after one deer spooked them; thats sorta what the Gieegs feel like to me whenever i think about them now, CogDis obviously doesnt make them peaceful and afr kind of 'shifty' but Official Mother (Game) Lore never actually quite describes what their intentions even were in the first place, only that they were afraid of Humanity having access to PSI and that Giegue needed to stop them)

Actually, i find it even more weird as to what could have possibly had occurred to the other Gieegs. So if we were to go by the theory of "Cerue being around", then there was probably at least... Three to Four unique Gieegs total?

(Hell, maybe there could of been even more aboard the Mothership for all we know, considering that when Maria is running through the halls, she mentions that the aliens on board all sorta just looked at them without stopping them, never brings up if they were just other Gieegs or what, just that they were being observed)

We know Cerue could have potentially disembarked at some random point (maybe potentially after the Human Caretaker Experiment OR after the Mars Invasion, depending upon which happens first) and goes into hiding on Mercury, basically collecting various creatures from around the Solar System (some either being alive or dead).

We do not know what happens to the other 2 to 3 Gieegs except that they were present for the Human Caretaker Experiment & The Invasion of Mars, as they were most likely responsible for the majority of opposition & were described as being all-powerful by the Mars Super Computer's City Records, so I imagine only a few were needed to take over.

Giegue is the only one around on the Mothership (excluding Niiue) but doesn't know where Cerue went.

(...potentially, Niiue's dialogue about him knowing that she doesn't want to meet him could imply that he's referring to his true identity as Giegue & knows that Cerue possibly sensed him but as Giegue and not his own unique being, which is why she said she only trusted the Applechasers [the main 4] and doesnt try to erase their memory).

(WARNING LINKS LEAD TO FANDOM WIKI, CARRY A BLOCKER) Oddly enough, the fandom wiki for Earthbound has a really interesting tidbit of a theory regarding as to what Giegue's Race even was or what may have happened to them (since after Mother 1, Giegue's People gets ZERO mention), mentioning that after he returned to the ship, he may have ended up killing his people in a fit of distress & deterioration before eventually transforming into Giygas, but its fandom wiki so take it with a tablespoon of salt.

(if youre wondering "why not use WikiBound?", it mainly tends to be game information rather than like, external media information..? Idk, i personally feel like i found more substance to Giegue's Fandom Page than compared to his WikiBound Page)

something i will mention however, is that the fandom wiki uses a lot of information from the novel for Mother 1 (apparently?) as a means to sorta fill in information regarding events that occur between the games. Also its the only wiki with a page regarding Giegue's Race, also this really cool illustration of the Mothership:

Anyhoot, I'm done rambling now, i just sorta wanted to share this because it was on my mind. Gonna stop now before my brain overheats and combusts from thinking too much, also i am hungry, its lunch.

(UPDATE, 12/23/202X, I've realized Cerue's Sprite has different opacities, which might mean that she's been sticking around quite a bit when George makes his discoveries & when the two escape)

[narcoleptic-assassin]

Maximus Has C-PTSD

I’m surprised no one else has talked about this yet so I’ll just jump in and give my thoughts. Grabbing a snippet directly from wiki, it reads:

“The diagnosis of PTSD was originally developed for adults who had suffered from a single-event trauma. However, the situation for many children is quite different. Children can suffer chronic trauma such as maltreatment, family violence, dysfunction, or a disruption in attachment to their primary caregiver. In many cases, it is the child's caregiver who causes the trauma. The diagnosis of PTSD does not take into account how the developmental stages of children may affect their symptoms and how trauma can affect a child's development…

“Repeated traumatization during childhood leads to symptoms that differ from those described for PTSD.”

So what is the difference between PTSD and CPTSD? Let’s look at the seven behavioral clusters described.

• Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others' emotional states”

• Biomedical symptoms – “sensory-motor developmental dysfunction, sensory-integration difficulties; increased medical problems or even somatization”

• Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

• Elements of dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

• Behavioral control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing”

• Cognition – “difficulty regulating attention; problems with a variety of 'executive functions' such as planning, judgment, initiation, use of materials, and self-monitoring; difficulty processing new information; difficulty focusing and completing tasks; poor object constancy; problems with 'cause-effect' thinking; and language developmental problems such as a gap between receptive and expressive communication abilities.”

• Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”

There are also some similarities to regular ptsd such as reliving traumatic events (although more so in rumative occupation rather than the classic war flashbacks you see in media), insomnia, hypervigilance, and of course depression and anxiety.

People with CPTSD also sometimes have an obsession with their abuser, being preoccupied with thoughts of revenge, or having an idealized or paradoxical gratitude towards them, and acceptance of a perpetrator's belief system or rationalizations.

At a very young age, Maximus lost everything he loved and knew, only then to be snatched up by a fascist organization and revictimized over and over again. He was beaten regularly, by his peers and teachers, constantly derided and humiliated, and given the most menial and disgusting tasks. That’s what we know just looking at the very surface. Who the hell knows what else went on that we the viewers haven’t seen. He’s a perfect candidate for such a disorder.

If that’s not enough for you, let’s go through the above listed behaviors.

Maximus is repeatedly shown to be inexperienced and awkward in social interactions. He either gives too much, or too little, like when he came clean to Thaddeus way too soon, or how he repeatedly lied to Lucy. This also displays his general mistrust. When he saw all the vault 4 dwellers being nice and happy for apparently no reason, this immediately seemed wrong to him, and he labeled it a cult. However, when Birdie gave him a home and food, he latched on to it like a dying man. He craves attachment, longs for it so badly that he falls into this vicious cycle of reaching out, getting hurt, then becoming mistrustful and dishonest. I could write a whole essay on Maximus’ attachment issues, but I’ll move on.

We don’t exactly see any biomedical symptoms with him, but who knows. Maybe there’s something going on internally that we just haven’t seen yet.

With affect and emotional regulation, Maximus has several emotional outbursts during the season, the first when he breaks the toilet after hearing that Dane got promoted and he didn’t, and the second in the very next scene with him during his interrogation. He obviously feels immensely guilty for wishing harm upon his only friend, and panics when asked about it. Whether he did it or not, to him it probably feels like he might as well have just put the razor in the boot himself. Then when Quintus spares his life and even promotes him, he cries in relief and joy. There’s also the other side of this, where he often shows little emotion and remains stoic even when those around him are obviously upset, such as with the fiends on the bridge. He hides behind an expressionless mask, because it’s the most safe, the most neutral option. He was probably punished for expressing himself when he was younger, and now in adulthood, it’s become habit. The only time we see the mask come down, is briefly and usually when he’s alone.

Maximus doesn’t seem to have dissociative symptoms or amnesia, but we know very little of his backstory. At times he may dissociate in response to situations, but that’s a very internal thing, and Max as a character is already quite stoic and aloof. It’s hard to gauge his mental state.

Impulse control is not our guy’s strong suit. He is a slave to his desires as one might say. He almost takes vault 4s fusion core without hesitation until Birdie stops him. When he sees Lucy in trouble he jumps to action (although most people probably would in a similar situation) then attacks the residents almost immediately without stopping for a moment to read the room. He also panics several times and acts quite impulsively. He ripped out the radio in the suit, which with just a little thought he probably would have realized wouldn’t help. (Then again he was probably heavily concussed at this point so you have to give him a break lol) Then when Thaddeus responded negatively to him revealing himself, this immediately sends him into fight or flight mode, and he’s been taught by the Brotherhood to respond to threats with violence.

For cognition, I feel like I could just copy and paste it here again lol. I could go through all the times he’s not thought things through, or done something poorly planned, but come on, you watched the show didn’t you? And this goes right along with impulse control as well. In the class scene, he’s shown not to be a particularly good student, this could be due to a short attention span, or difficulty focusing. Or it could even be due to a lack of object recognition and consistency, which is defined as the ability to recognize an object across varying viewing conditions. These executive dysfunctions are similar to those displayed in ADHD and ASD. There may even be an overall lack of motivation, but as you can see in the first scene with power armor, he shows more knowledge about them than his peers. He’s more than willing to learn about something that interests him, but you’ll know if you have ADHD, it is much harder learning about or doing things you’re not interested in.

Finally, there’s his self image. He goes through most of the show masquerading as someone else entirely, and even says to Lucy at one point that he doesn’t think he’s a good person. He’s ashamed of his own body, thinking that sexual arousal is disgusting, and has shame surrounding those feelings. I think he even blames himself for what happened to Dane because he had intrusive thoughts about it happening, which is why he may have had trouble telling Quintus that he didn’t do it. Maybe he even thought he deserved to be punished.

There’s also his relationship with his abusers. In his mind, there is only one perpetrator, the person who blew up Shady Sands, but in reality there’s two. For the person who destroyed his home, he’s consumed with a vague but obsessive goal of revenge even years later into adulthood. But for the Brotherhood, they are his saviors. He owes them his life, and repeatedly goes back to the memory of stepping out of the fridge and seeing this gleaming suit of armor standing tall among the wreckage of his home. He bought in wholesale to their ideology, taking it literally, even too literally. He betrays his own knight, going over him to stay loyal to the Brotherhood overall. I’ve seen other people mention this, but I don’t remember who now unfortunately. Honestly, I’m so grateful to them because I hadn’t thought of this before.

There is so much more I could say about Max and his symptoms of trauma, but a lot of it is still floating around my head in a messy abstract clutter. This is all I’ve got right now. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk!

[leonardalphachurch]

How do you see the timeline of rvb? Here's how I see it. 3 years of freelancer flashbacks, then after a year season 1, then after 3 months seasons 2 3 4 5, then after 18 months season 6, then after a month seasons 7 8, then after a month seasons 9 10, then after 6 months season 11, then after a month season 12, then after a month season 13, then after 10 months season 15, then after a year seasons 16 17. So between start of freelancer and end of 17 there's been 8 years. Thoughts?

i have a problem in that i want there to be a more substantial period of time between the moi crash and out of mind but i don’t want there to be that much time between the moi crash and season 1. but, like you said, season 4 (and therefore oom) happens a couple of months after season 1. the idea of york only bumming around for about a year just feels so wrong to me… like if i had it my way he’d have been chilling with delta for like 5? at least 3. because like. i feel like blood gulch should be a thing where so much happens in such a short period of time that it’s so so impactful to the characters (especially tucker who i’m ngl i kinda base the timeline around what works best for his character arc to me) but like… gah. i think a big part of the problem is that the pfl flashback arc just has a completely incomprehensible timeline. how much time takes place between scenes? man i’m getting myself worked up about 9 and 10 again lol. like if they didn’t retcon it, if alpha was just being stored at sidewinder for a while we could make that a longer period of time… like i guess he still could be but. hey like. why didn’t the meta just go. take alpha at the end of 10. like. he was right there. what was the… what was stopping him. could you. it get alpha out unless he wanted it? is that why tex left him? i don’t know man. i hate that they were in a spaceship. 9 and 10 feel so like. dreamlike? ephemeral? nothing feels grounded. i guess it does work as them being memories. they feel like memories. disconnected sequences of important events.

what were we talking about. oh right the timeline. yeah yours works. we give 2-3 months between 6 and 7 since season 6 is 1 year after the war and the season 7 trailer says it’s 1.25 years after the war. and season 6 is probably like a couple weeks to a month? did you know valhalla and high ground (the place church was) have to be like. incredibly close to each other. because wash gets south’s recovery beacon and is able to get to her from valhalla to high ground before the meta is able to kill her. that’s so fucked up. tex literally crashed like 30 minutes from where church was. ugh. anyway we give around 3 months between 8 and 9/10. one month just feels too short for them to run from the law, find new bases, have blues establish some kind of routine wrt wash, and then have carolina show up and then do a whole adventure to find and break into the unsc storage facility to save epsilon. but i don’t know if it’s a full 6 months to season 11… maybe like 4? there’s some amount of legal bureaucratic nonsense they have to deal with, and they are on chorus for an amount of time before we meet them in season 11… 6 months just feels a bit too long for tucker and wash’s dynamic if that makes sense? like they’re clearly closer than they were in 10 but there’s still a wall there and even if wash is being kind of a bitch i still feel like. that amount of time of just chilling together would change tuckers time a little bit from the “all i have is you” thing… like if we say there’s ~three months worth of legal bs to deal with and then ~a month of crashing on chorus and establishing themselves at the crash site like. that to me feels like the amount of time that would establish wash and tuckers relationship to where it is. though i guess you also do have much less time after season 8 so they presumably have zero relationship development to you during that time. which i don’t think doesn’t make sense we don’t exactly see them interacting during 10. oh i definitely put a few months between 12 and 13 though. like they seem really established there, and the space pirates are like. genuinely kind of losing at this point. which is why locus and felix go recruit the prisoner ship. the others i’m less sure on but i do think there’s a larger timeskip than a month there. maybe even between 11 and 12 too but i won’t die on that hill. and then obviously the 15-17 timeskips are actually told to us lol

wow i fucking. rambled huh. tl;dr decent timeline. i actively disagree with the amount of time between 6-7 and 12-13 but everything else is small discrepancies i won’t die to defend. well i won’t die to defend any of this. it doesn’t matter that much.

[aziraphales-library]

Hello! I was wondering if you knew of any longer angst fics with hurt Crowley? I know that you have a hurt Crowley tag, but I guess I’m specifically looking for longer fics (at least 70k words) with some angst! Thank you if you can! (:

Hi! Filtering for hurt Crowley, angst, and a minimum of 70k words on ao3 only gives us 32 fics (at time of writing this post!), so you can check them all out! Here is a small collection from the results. Mind the tags!...

A Hell of a Game by Zab43 (E)

Crowley's new boss is Hastur: a promotion from the pits, where Hell's torments are carried out. All the pit demons have reputations, but Hastur's is worse than most.... In Hell all relationships are abusive and Hastur's dealings with his new underling are no exception. A story told through the medium of therapy and flashbacks. Full of angst(!), abuse, PTSD, panic attacks and a big slice of understanding from a real life angel. Set after the failed apocalypse, but the main events are told through Crowley’s memories of Hell and are set thousands of years before. The theme is surviving and recovering from an abusive relationship, so any historical background is just window dressing really. Chapters alternate between Aziraphale & Crowley and Crowley/Hastur scenes with other characters as background only. This is a total stand alone, but is set (pretty much) in the same imagining of the GO world as another of my stories: Twelve Years Ago. Hastur's character is intended to be the same, but this brings out his (much) nastier side. Some of my demon OCs make brief appearances too, but there aren't any interactions between the two stories.

True Disaster by NuriaSchnee (E)

After Crowley saves him in 1941, Aziraphale realises he's fallen in love with the demon. Scared this dangerous feeling of his will cause problems to his friend, he tries to break their relationship. However, his plan to push the demon away fails and they end up admitting their feelings to each other. To be able to be together and keep it a secret, Crowley stops time every time they meet. However brilliant this seems at first, it doesn't take long to backfire, opening new wounds and raising more barriers between them.

Don't Cry for Me by The_Bentley (E)

The Apocalypse happened and Heaven came out on top. Hell has been locked away for all eternity while demons captured as prisoners of war during the battle were taken to Heaven to serve angels. Aziraphale and Crowley are reunited under these circumstances and make plans to escape the nightmare life has become. Alpha Centauri looks like a good start if they can escape first to Earth then into the stars themselves. But other plans might be brewing besides theirs. Aziraphale must also be prepared for the dam to burst when Crowley can no longer keep pushing the trauma he endured to the back of his mind.

My Name is Raphael by The_Angel_Melathiel (M)

Stranded in the past with no memory of his identity, Crowley begins a new life with the help of Agnes Nutter. Meanwhile, Aziraphale embarks on a race against and through time to track down his demon. If you want to read a somewhat unusual story and, above all, want to get to know a few new characters, you've come to the right place. Also, you will see Agnes Nutter's story in a whole new light after reading this fanfiction.

Another Time, Another Place by indigo (E)

What if? Two words - so powerful. A slight divergence from canon sees a very different life for Aziraphale five years after the world didn’t end. Ostracised from Heaven, he now lives in a world with bookshops and Afternoon Tea, but without Crowley; a world in which he believes Crowley gave his life to save him. However, it’s not quite that simple, and maybe they can somehow get a happy ending after all??? (They can, and they do. But let’s not tell Aziraphale that just yet. It’ll spoil the fun!)

Per Aspera Ad Astra by Fire_Traveller (M)

After the Almost-Apocalypse, both Crowley and Aziraphale tentatively enjoy their new freedom - but it turns out that they are quite right in not trusting the new situation: All too soon, it seems that Heaven and Hell are after them again, out for revenge on their two 'former employees'. Apart from all that, it seems that Crowley also has some secrets of his past that he never told Aziraphale about, stuff they should definitiely address eventually... Disclaimer: As the tags point out, there's some major character injuries and some other drama - but I promise, there's a happy ending, too! They'll be fine!

- Mod D

[kim2248]

DUDE THE COSPLAY. ITS AWESOME. THE FLIPPIN QUALITY. BRO

Ahhhh thanks so much Anon 😭

I'll be honest, I did not expect that post to get as much interaction as it did but I'm happy the Tumblr people like it ^^

If anyone's interested I have more pictures of my Garmadon cosplay as well as other Ninjago stuff and making of videos over on my instagram (@kimkosplays) but in the meantime I'm just gonna use this ask as an excuse to spam a few more pics of the con I wore this to

(Im crying why do I look so curvy in the barbie picture)

And I know nobody probably asked for this but I'm also gonna use it as an excuse to give a bit of context to this I am sorry you probably didn't expect this long of a reply anon but I'm just dying to tell the world abt my thought process

So this is an AU of mine in which Garmadon doesn't fight on the side of the Elemental Masters during the Serpentine War but sides with Chen, in large parts due to the venom of the Devourer, and becomes a high-ranking General in the Anacondrai Army. I took design inspirations from Garmadons clothes as a young man as well as some of the outfits the Anacondrai wear (like the belt for example). And since it's a bit of an inbetween stage for him, I decided to go for some sort of middle ground between the Kimono robes we see him wear when he's young and the full-on Samurai armour he'll wear as an Oni. So there's a few armour elements but also still a lot of cloth.

Oh and I thought about making an Anacondrai blade but thought it would look a bit too heavy in comparison to the outfit so I decided on an Amalgamation which I like to call "the Anacondrai Swords". They're supposed to look like and Anacondrai Blade that has been split down the middle into two swords since during flashbacks we often see Garmadon dual-wielding swords so I assumed it's his preferred form of fighting :^)

Anyway thanks for coming to my TED Talk I'm sorry you had to suffer through this lmao