#and many choose to spend the little capacity for commitment they do have on relationships

[subconsciousmysteries]

what I like about 7s is you can tell when they are fuckboys unless you have a room temperature IQ. maybe it is a natural talent that only I have (I really doubt this but I dont wanna insult ppl who've been victimized by 7 fuckboys). however it is just so obvious to me when a 7 dude is a fuckboy trying to taste all his options vs. when he is ripe and ready for commitment. the way that 7s show you bluntly when they are bored with you by ignoring you or only responding with one liners is actually a good thing. I find 7s to be very transparent, very obvious about what they want from you even if they don't directly communicate it with words. they are not capable of leading me on because they never give me the impression that they think I'm special in the first place. they never immerse themselves in my world and make me feel special because they're too preoccupied with their own.

meanwhile other types of men cough cough withdrawns are confusing as hell to the point it feels like manipulation and deception. they can larp like they are all innocent when they are the world's biggest fuckboys. they become deeply connected to you as a friend, they show you that they have a crush on you that they are too scared to act on, and they act like they're ready for exclusivity to get you into bed when often they are not. with words and with showing a genuine interest in your world, they make you think you are extremely special to them, yet many of their actions (or lack thereof) imply that you are not.

no one talks about how 7s with the 1 line can grow up and develop an intense dutifulness towards relationships. the meme is that 7s struggle with commitment but in my experience it really depends on the 7 in question. relational commitment issues are a lot more complicated than "lol 7". any type can have them and its usually rooted in trauma or plain old spiritual weakness.

see my tags for more

[loorain]

Sims 4 Fontenot Legacy - The First of Many

The time has come for Lakshmi and Tabatha's wedding, and though they aren't doing too much other than the act itself Nyla still wanted to give them a little bit of a treat of relaxation before the big day, so the night before all the pals arrive at Nyla's apartment for a little de-stressing.

This included some much-needed massaging all thanks to Nyla and her longtime partner Alex, who is actually an aspiring masseuse himself and lent his assistance to the cause!

Everyone was feeling relaxed and ready for a courthouse wedding, and after good company and a good night's rest, that's exactly what happened!

The following afternoon, all of Laks' closest friends, their partners, and children filed into the local courthouse and witnessed her and Tabatha's marriage ceremony.

Tabatha: Lakshmi, I know you weren't always certain about me, but I have always been certain about you. From the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were special. In the time we've been together, we've been inseparable. Every second that I spend with you feels like a dream, and I'm so lucky you came to see what life could be with me by your side. I promise to always do what I can to keep that spark lit inside your heart, and I look forward to my future with you. I love you so much, mi vida.

Lakshmi: Tabatha, you're right in saying I wasn't always certain about us. Before you, I had a string of failed relationships, with my most recent being the worst of the bunch. My heart was broken and I was uncertain I could ever love again. Moving in with you was a choice made of a need to heal. I never knew it would lead me to my true destiny. Tabby, you have shown me an entirely new world, and you've reminded me that love coexists with all good and bad in the universe. It is our capacity to love others that makes life worth living. You are my reason to live to the fullest, and I vow to always care for you with that in mind. I love you now and forever.

After an exchange of rings, the two sealed their covenant with a kiss and were officially married! While it was a brief and lowkey wedding, everyone in attendance was filled with joy upon witnessing such a lovely couple commit themselves to one another.

The group spends a little more time inside the wedding hall area before eventually heading outside for photos.

Tabatha: Laks and I have been trying to guess which of you couples will be joining the married club next.

Alex: Ah, have you? Well, I suppose we're all heading towards that! What's your verdict?

Tabatha: We've been thinking that maybe Sabrina and Beau will be tying the knot sooner rather than later!

Sabrina looks over at Tabatha, mildly surprised by the statement.

Sabrina: Us? Really?

Tabatha: Yeah! You guys have been through a lot and despite losing each other for some time, navigating new roles, and through miscommunication your relationship is stronger than ever! You two are obviously made for each other!

Alex: I'd actually have to agree with that. No hard feelings you didn't choose me and Nyla, haha!

Sabrina hasn't thought too much about marriage up until this point. Sure, Beau has stated his intentions of committing himself to Sabrina and Juno as husband and stepfather respectively, but Beau also expressed there was no need for Sabrina to feel pressured by this. Sabrina took his words to heart, acknowledging and appreciating his devotion without dwelling on their own levels of love beyond what they have with Beau currently. After all, their relationship has been hot and cold, with years of not talking, misunderstandings and rushing too quickly just to pump the brakes when things got too heavy. Sabrina promised when resuming this relationship that they would take things slow, allowing themself to really revel in the moment instead of worrying too much about the future.

Oddly enough though, while past Sabrina might have chosen to flee before things got too heavy, this declaration from her friend makes them feel... at ease. Beau has been there through thick and thin, and he's proven to be a devoted partner and loving potential parent to Juno. Sabrina can't see their life without him anymore, so why shouldn't they get married and fulfill the ultimate public display of commitment to one another? It's in that moment that Sabrina realizes they want to get engaged to Beau. There's no one else in the world they'd want to spend the rest of their life with.

Sabrina: Hmm, maybe you're onto something there, Tabs.

After photo-taking with the group and general chit-chat and revelry, the group said goodbye to the newlyweds, leaving them alone for the first time since the wedding.

Lakshmi: Hey there, wifey. Doing okay?

Tabatha: Just taking it all in. We're really married.

Tabatha turns to her wife, caressing her cheek.

Tabatha: I can't believe I get to love you for the rest of my life.

Lakshmi: We have many years to look forward to. So great to have so many friends by our side, too.

Tabatha: They've been so welcoming to me like I was always part of the gang.

Lakshmi: They're true friends and they saw that you make me happy.

Tabatha: I'm grateful for them and for you. I love you.

Lakshmi: I love you too.

[proposalanonaita]

Well, that's... definitive.

In all honesty I'd forgotten about this by now, but I'm sure you'll all be very happy to know my fiance actually checks tumblr, and is being completely insufferable about the fact that 700-odd strangers think that I'm an asshole. I WILL concede, the risk to reward ratio involved in sending the rich ex an invite is probably more trouble than its worth. Probably.

On everything else, however, all of you are so comically wrong I'm about to spend the rest of this post responding to questions I'm seeing crop up in the comments repeatedly. To that end:

Why do you hate the groomsmen/Why are you uninviting the groomsmen/&c. - When I said that uninviting everyone I hate would take out half the groomsmen, that was a technique called "exaggeration" I and many other people use when arguing. I certainly don't LIKE several of his friends, but he's well aware of that fact already & we're perfectly capable of interacting politely when needed. This isn't a legitimate grievance, they're just loud and don't really 'get' me. The rest of his side of the aisle is lovely.

Do you even like him/Why do you talk about your fiance like that, I would never insult my partner in public - I wanted to mention this one specifically because I was completely baffled about it for so long. To me, the COMPLETE opposite is true; I would sooner film a sex tape, show it on the jumbo screen of a sport arena, and provide director's commentary throughout than admit to loving my partner in public for anyone to hear. It would be much less revealing.

Anything heartfelt I have to say about him I am going to say TO him, behind a closed door, with no one else around. The ONLY exceptions are the time I had an appendectomy (which involved MANY drugs and SHOULDN'T count), our vows, and if he dies in public.

You are toxic/Both of you are toxic/You shouldn't be getting married at all/&c. - Oh damn, you're right. Let me just call this whole committed relationship off real quick, obviously you know everything about me and my partner from reading a few words online!

I don't respect you and I'm going to find a way to marry him even harder specifically to piss you off.

Why are you making a seating chart before you have your RSVPs back - You're the only one asking the right questions on here, congratulations. The venue has several rooms we can pick from, arranged VERY differently, and I needed to get an idea of what each set up would look like at maximum capacity to choose between them. I'll admit making a full chart was going a LITTLE overboard, but spending an afternoon methodically calculating who should sit with whom is surprisingly effective for excising the jitters. Also, it was an excellent bonding moment with my mother, who is a fellow hater at heart and had insane amounts of intel on the extended family's beef. I think she was more choked up watching me put labels on my magnet board over FaceTime than she will be seeing me in my suit, frankly.

Stop doing mind games on your partner/Don't manipulate your fiance/WTF is wrong with you quit it - No. It's VERY effective foreplay. Also, he is genuinely quite bad at event planning. I'm not about to let him blunder into a subpar special day when I could just do it CORRECTLY and give him the perfect wedding instead. Duh.

To that point, no one asked specifically but I think it would help assuage some worries to reiterate that AS STATED IN THE POST I am NOT pulling any strings when it comes to his actual stated wants, this is ONLY about the minutiae of planning for a very large event.

He wants all his younger siblings to play a role? Absolutely, I will find jobs for all SEVEN of them to do, including the kindergartner who curses at me. His best friend moved abroad and can't afford travel fare? She can now, because I'm chipping in to get her here as a surprise. He really wants Thinking Out Loud by Ed fucking Sheeran on the playlist since it was on the car radio when he realized he loved me? I wish to GOD I were a crueller man because that tacky garbage will be our first dance song so my basic bitch of a betrothed can get all weepy about it.

He thinks orange and pink "works fine" for a color scheme?????? Objectively deranged, someone needs to save him from himself.

To conclude, I have ACCEPTED that I shouldn't invite the ex, I will be taking NO further criticism at this time, and now that that's all settled I'm going to leave this be and go talk over my fiance's TV shows. He hates it so much <3

I am not the asshole, and I think this whole thing is stupid, but I was promised that if I sent my side of things to this blog I could pick the hotel for our honeymoon, and I am marrying a man who once tried to take me BACKPACKING of all things, so this ask has become a necessity. In light of that:

AITA (I'm NOT) for planning the seating for our wedding in a logical way?

I got engaged in June, apparently in part because of my partner writing in to this blog (I don't know how to find or link to his posts, but I'm the man who got the cat to bite him, if that rings any bells?). At any rate, for the past ten weeks, I've been in the beginning stages of planning our wedding with my fiance, whom I have been secretly attempting to remove from the planning process as much as possible. I have ALREADY been given a list of his must-haves, and I AM incorporating as many of them as our budget allows. This has NOTHING to do with the emotional side of the event, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that this is an idiot with no real planning experience or taste who thinks he knows more than me.

For the most part, this has worked very well. I'm the one who's been collating all the contact information for things, so I just replaced all the emails for the tacky companies with false addresses, responded to his inquiries as the companies to say the date was already booked or the price was outside our budget, and let him filter his way to the ones I DO like on his own. I also made a fuss about being "willing to compromise" on the few things he's picked I'm completely fine with in the hopes I can use it to make him compromise later, and have been humming portions of the songs I want on the playlist in the hopes he'll think he came up with the idea to include them himself.

None of this is the real problem. The PROBLEM is that he is deliberately ruining my seating chart, by moving our horrible friend's seat when I'm not looking.

The man in question dated both of us at one point in our VERY early 20s (both ended BADLY), is generally the messiest person we know, and will almost certainly get sloppy drunk and try to make a speech IF he does make an appearance. I'm banking on the fact that he won't, because he's also ridiculously wealthy, and will almost certainly send us some very lavish gift in lieu of coming.

He is SUPPOSED to be sitting beside my fiances aunt, at the same table as his grandmother, his work friend, and her girlfriend, because all four of these women are stone cold terrors who I believe are more than capable of keeping him in line on the slim chance he does come. My fiance INSISTS they won't be able to have any fun if they're running interference all night, and keeps moving him to sit at the head table instead. You know, where WE are. I finally caught him switching the label magnets on my planning board last night, and confronted him.

I tried leveraging how much I've been compromising already, that he's almost certainly going to RSVP no, and that I shouldn't have to deal with him on our big night. My fiance said he knew about all the fake emailing and such, and told me, and I QUOTE: "Look, the mind game shit was hot when it was just about the colour scheme or whatever, but I actually care about this. So you can suffer with everybody else, or you can do the normal thing and not invite a guy you hate to our wedding, you weirdo."

I said that if I did that, it would take out half his groomsmen, he called me an asshole and said I should go explain this to "literally any rational adult" so they could tell me I was in the wrong, and now here we are.

Would you recommend calling my fiance's bluff, since he doesn't want the man sitting near us either? Or should I focus on ensuring he'll turn down the invitation no matter what, so the matter of where he WON'T be sitting can be a moot point?

What are these acronyms?

Original post

The update

[xtruss]

If You Love Your Child, You Should STOP ✋ 🛑 Saying These Words

— Published: February 21, 2023 | By Martha Flores | TheQueemMomma.Com

There are many ways to love your child and discipline them the right way. In disciplining your child, you may sometimes resort to spanking them, but nothing is more painful than to hear bad words from us, parents. In the midst of frustration and anger, we say things unintentionally to our kids. Instead of provoking sweet laughter from children, we tend to evoke through dropping cruel words. Some words lower their confidence, make them cry or worse, instantly destroy the relationship we’ve been building for quite some time.

While it may take some time and effort, you must stop saying these following words to your little ones:

“You’re a Bad Girl/Boy!”

Never call your child a “bad girl” or “bad boy” when you’re reprimanding them. Distinguish between the child as an individual and their behavior by saying something like, “That’s not nice” or “I love you, and what you did is a bad thing”. The choice of language can make the difference. If a child thinks they are wrong at their core, they will wonder how they can change that. But if they realize they have done something wrong, they can make amends by apologizing and committing to changing their behavior.

“You Are Stupid.”

If there’s one word all parents should lose from their vocabulary, it’s “stupid.” Don’t say the phrase, “You’re stupid” to make your child think that is the case. Any way you use it sounds insulting, what more for a child? Choose your words carefully and use your best judgment to decide how not to sound judgmental. Build a sense of authority that is harmless for your child.

“I’M Done With You!”

To a kid who is just starting to discover the world, a small scrape is one of the most agonizing experience they will feel. While your instinct wants to reassure him/her that it doesn’t hurt much, you’ll just worsen his/her emotional breakdown. Your role here is to let him understand and overcome his emotions. Give him/her a warm hug and empathize on what he feels.

“Be Like Your Sister/Brother”

Sibling rivalries can be incredibly psychologically damaging. In fact, violence in a family home is more likely to be between siblings than between parents and kids. Never compare your children with their brother/sister. It makes them jealous. It drives the feeling of failure in your kids and develops hatred between siblings.

“You Can’t Do This.”

Never disrupt your child’s self-confidence. If you want to learn a skill, then let them spend more time doing it and honing their skills it. When you tell them they simply can’t do a thing, they would think that what they are doing is not perfect or correct at all, or that they are incompetent. This puts them too much pressure and further scares them to disappoint you. Avoid doing that. For a rule of thumb, encourage your kids to enhance their skills by explaining to them that it’s the best feeling to improve.

“No One Wants a Kid Like You.”

If kids become problematic, it’s the parents who are to be questioned, not the child. The children are a reflection of their parents. They first learned everything from the inside of their homes.

“Protect your children’s innocence and allow them to remain children. They must not be burdened by adult problems. Children do not have the coping skills or the intellectual capacity to understand money worries, adult relationship problems, or their parent’s unhappiness.”

See how deep those words can be? Be mindful of what you say to your kids. You are their model and inspiration. You’ll be the one to mold them to become a good person. Keep a calm and age-appropriate way of approaching your angels.

— Martha Flores: Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to Parenting, Pregnancy and Motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “Expert” on topics related to Dating and Relationships.

I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a Head Manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.

[chokemeanakin]

Hi I love your writing so much! I was wondering if you could do a fluffy Anakin one shot where he proposes? Maybe he mentions wanting to start a family or something🥺 hope that made sense, it just sounds really cute :)

Tysm I’m so glad you like my writing 🥰🥰 also I fear comittment and scorn the idea of marriage, so hopefully I’ve pushed aside my personal woes enough for this to be an enjoyable story 😌❤️ (it’s actually kinda cute tho and I’m actually kind of proud of it)

Masterlist

Be My Forever - Anakin Skywalker x gn Reader

“A lot of the General’s plans involve falling,” Commander Rex had said once about Anakin. He wasn’t wrong. The Jedi had crash landed, leapt from great heights, and got thrown out of starfighter ships one too many times to be able to refute that statement. The only time he hadn’t planned on falling was with you.

You were never even part of the plan to begin with. His focuses were set on winning the war, becoming a Master, and joining the council. Later on, he was going to kickstart relief efforts in order to free all of the slaves in the galaxy.

 However, there was always that nagging feeling in the back of his mind that had him feeling like he was constantly teetering on the edge of something. Whether it be between the light and the dark side, becoming the best Jedi he could be or leaving the order behind altogether, fulfilling the Chosen One prophecy or refusing it completely-- he wished his life didn’t have to be so black and white. He wished he could choose a side and stay with it, to finally rest his feet on solid ground.

But then you came crashing into his life, and he had lost his balance on the edge of that precipice, and he’s been falling ever since. 

At first, he had tried to hold on for dear life. He knew that admitting his feelings for you would send him to a place there was no returning from. Not only would it be going against the Jedi code, but it would also force him to face a fear he has been battling ever since his childhood on Tatooine-- submission. To him, love meant giving away every bit of yourself to the person who will accept it and do the same. He couldn’t even give himself to the order that he was prophesied to save-- how could he give himself up for you?

But by the time he had decided to face that question head on, it was too late-- he had already stumbled into a free fall. When he was around you, the warzone that was his life came to a ceasefire, and the enemy troops waved their white flag. You made the constant stress of the war more bearable, and even convinced the battleground inside of himself to lay down their weapons for a while. You were his relief, his reprieve, the place he could go when everything was falling apart around him. And so he surrendered. 

Loving you was the best thing he had ever done. While it wasn’t always easy, as you had to keep your relationship secret from the rest of the Jedi, he could not have imagined a life without you. And, quite frankly, he couldn’t imagine a future without you, either. The thought had him reach into a pouch in his belt, fingering the metal band he had fashioned from a steel washer earlier this month. 

He could have bought a ring, and he had looked before, but nothing ever really caught his eye. Nothing screamed “Y/n” when he saw it, and he could just not imagine you wearing something huge and blingy and tacky. So he made one himself.

He didn’t even realize he was doing it at first. He was working on an astromech unit that had been malfunctioning, and his mind happened to wander to you, as it often did. Suddenly, he was reaching for that washer, flattening and shaping it with some pliers, imagining it around your finger. When it was done, he held it in his palm, and just stared at it.

This was a risk, even for him. He knew he loved you, and he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. But marriage? He didn’t even know what your thoughts were on the subject, much less if you would want that with him. You were the kind of person who lived in the present, took everything one day at a time. The future, to you, was a big, scary pit of infinity that you did not have the emotional capacity to deal with. So he pocketed the band in his belt, and played with it in secret every now and again, when his mind went back to you and him and how he wanted that forever.

He was on another ledge. Should he ask you to swear that commitment to him, or should he keep quiet and let things play out as they have for so long? On the one hand, he would love nothing more than to have you promise yourself to him for the rest of your life, and on into the next. On the other hand, he didn’t want to scare you and ruin the perfectly good relationship you had going.

Another black and white, another battle, another balancing act. 

All of these thoughts, he had while watching you sleep in the co-pilot seat next to him. Your legs were pulled up to your chest, head lolled to the side, curled up in a ball under the blanket he had draped over you when he realized you had dozed off. Your hair was falling into your face, lips slightly parted, pulling deep breaths in and sighing them out. You were beautiful and peaceful elegant, glowing in the starlight like war spoils.

Anakin was certain of one thing-- he was tired of fighting. He knew what he wanted, and he couldn’t hold onto that ledge anymore. You didn’t have to crash into him in order for him to realize it this time-- he was ready to jump.

He found himself pulling the band out of his pouch, tracing his thumb over the cool blue-grey stone he had set in the middle, and reached for your hand. His heart raced as if he were plummeting toward the ground, weightless and sinking and spiralling into a free-fall. If he were to crash and burn, well, it wasn’t something he had never experienced before. 

Your nose twitched when he slid the metal band onto your finger, but you remained asleep. The ring fit perfectly, the rock perched atop your skin like a crown, the steel band glinting in the dim light of the ship like a halo. Anakin blew out a weary breath, and leaned back in his seat. The hard part was over. All there was left to do now was to wait for you to wake up.

**************************************************************************************************************

There was no night and day out in space, so it took you a while to regain consciousness. You blinked your eyes open languidly to the sight you had been staring at for 2 days now-- an endless black backdrop dotted with random spatterings of stars. One glance at your radars showed it would only be another day before you reached Coruscant, but you had hoped your little nap would have killed more time. 

Stretching your arms over your head, you yawned deeply and rubbed an eye with your hand. Something cold and hard met your skin, and you pulled it back to investigate.

There, sitting atop your fourth finger, was a sleek grey stone swimming with clouds of a dream-like blue. It was secured to your finger with a thin metal band, simple and smooth yet sturdy. You tilted your hand this way and that, watching the silver glisten when it caught the light. 

You knew who had put it there. The seat next to you was empty, but there was no one else who would have gifted you something like this, something that came with implications like this.

You could hear Anakin’s footsteps approach the cockpit door. A spike of anxiety shot through your stomach, and you were overcome with the urge to hide your hand. You’re not sure whether it was your drowsiness or curiosity that kept it atop the blanket for Anakin to see as he walked in.

He stopped short by the door, eyes immediately zeroing in on the ring hugging your finger. Then they travelled to your face.

His looked like he had been caught in a crossfire, surrounded by enemy troops with no way out. The cerulean of his eyes gleamed with hesitance, anxiety, and a little fear. He blinked a couple times, closed the door, and took his seat in the pilot’s chair.

Neither of you knew what to say.

“...It’s beautiful,” you stared at the ring, twisting it around your finger with your thumb. It was like a stormcloud had been captured in a little ball and handed right to you to wear like some sort of sky-goddess. A median between black and white, infused with the blue of Anakin’s eyes… it was perfect.

“You like it?” his voice was hopeful, although it was clear how nervous he still was. “I made it myself.”

Your eyebrows raised in surprise at this. You knew Anakin was good with metal parts and building things, but this was something you didn’t think he’d ever venture towards. You suddenly loved it so much more, knowing it came directly from his hands and there was not another one like it in the galaxy.

 Your mind was still fighting through the murky clouds of sleep, and the reality of the situation was coming to you in bits and pieces. A slow smile crept onto your lips as you absorbed each realization.

Anakin made this ring. He put it on your finger. He wants you to have it. And although he hadn’t mentioned anything outright, you weren’t stupid. You knew what it implied. He wanted you to marry him.

The thought should have scared you. Normally, it did. But right now, feeling the weight of that cold stone against your finger, the epitome of his love made tangible, you could not think of a single reason you should be afraid. You had this boy who was giving up so much of himself to you right now, promising to love you for the rest of his life if only you would do the same. The boy who you would give up everything for, without him even having to ask. There could never be a better feeling in the world.

You stood from your seat, keeping the blanket cloaked over your shoulders to ward off the chill of the ship. Anakin’s shining eyes tracked every movement you made, so apprehensive and weary, like he was waiting for a blow.

The poor boy. His entire life was full of heartache and war. Everything he loved, he had been forced to leave behind, give away, or watch die in his arms. That’s why he held onto you with a ferocity unrivaled by anyone else, until his fingers went numb and blood pooled under his nails. He would never let you go, unless you decided that’s what you wanted for yourself.

You could see the cannons going off in his head. It was always explosions with Anakin. Fire and smoke and and war and destruction. You could see it all happening behind those eyes, could practically hear his imagination conjure up every way you could reject the heart and soul he had bearing for you at the moment.

You cradled his face in your hands, and kissed him. His mind went quiet. His world narrowed to you-- the fires went out, the smoke cleared, and nothing existed except for your lips on his own. 

Peace.

Even the tempest of fear and anxiety building in the pit of his stomach was soothed by the taste of you on his tongue, the burning flames snuffed out one by one until his hands stopped shaking and he could think clearly again. You broke away from the kiss slowly, savoring the softness of his mouth on your own and the warmth of his skin beneath your palms.

“I’ll spend forever with you,” you whispered, smiling at the tiny, shaky exhale you felt against your lips. He closed his eyes, fingers squeezing your arms like he was afraid he was dreaming, and you’d be gone when he woke up. 

You weren’t leaving.

You brought your lips to his again, capturing his relief and letting him breathe through you. With every thrum of your heart you reached for him, enveloped him, loved him; and he received it with open arms and gave it all right back.

 Rex was right-- his plans often had a habit of him falling, and crashing, and burning. But with you, it was like he was on stable ground. He had fallen, but you had caught him, and he was safe now. 

And he would get to have his forever.

[star-maiden]

Weekly Tarot Forecast 11/30/20 - 12/6/20

Hello and welcome! This is a general outlook tarot reading for the collective, by zodiac sign.This week, we are focusing on any message or messages coming through from Spirit that you need to hear right now in order to navigate the week ahead. If you happened upon this reading, then there is a message here that is meant for you! As with all of my readings for the collective, these messages are meant for a wide range of people, life paths and situations. It is general outlook advice. As such, you may find that not everything resonates with you completely, and that is ok. Please take only what resonates and leave the rest. You will also want to check your sun, moon and rising signs for the message or messages that are meant for you. I sincerely hope that these messages will serve your highest and greatest good, and assist you in making wise, informed decisions. Best wishes and many blessings!

♈ - Aries: Knight of Swords R: There is a situation in your life or coming toward you where you may feel as though you are bumbling around in the dark. Usually, the knight of swords charges in and defeats any obstacle with logic and discernment, but in this situation you may not have all the facts. Moving forward while in a state of fear or confusion is not likely to yield the best results. Alternatively, you might be rushing into something without conviction. When our actions are out of alignment with our true heart’s desire or higher calling, then we may feel stuck, bogged down or that we are just going through the motions for the sake of pleasing society or someone else. This isn’t good for you, Aries. You might need to reconsider a few things, and decide how you would like to get “unstuck” and move past this situation in a way that is supportive and healthy for you.

♉ - Taurus: The Empress R: This card feels very emotionally charged. There may be a pervasive feeling of lack or disconnection from abundance. You might be fearful about losing something that is close and dear to your heart. Taurus, there may be a situation in your life that is causing undue stress and/or anxiety. If this is the case, then the Empress Reversed is reminding you to slow down. Reconnect with yourself and the Earth. If you are open to alternative spirituality, you might want to practice connecting with the Earth as Divine Mother. Remember how she supports and sustains you, and know that there is no burden too heavy for her handle. If that’s not for you, consider focusing some extra attention on your self care practice. What can you do today that will help you feel more secure and supported? Who in your life can you talk to. It’s ok to lean on your loved ones for support. The key thing to remember here is that the Empress is never truly lacking in all resources. There is always a solution. There is always a way forward.

♊ - Gemini: High Priestess: Gemini, this week you may find yourself tapping into your intuitive side more than ever before. For any ongoing situation in your life, or for anything that comes up for you this week, know that your subconscious has been speaking to you. Trust your intuition and yourself enough to make your own decisions. Look for internal insights and convictions, rather than any form of external validations. Right now, speaking your own truth can be the most powerful catalyst for change. If you have been wondering about something, then this card is confirming that you already know the answers. Quiet down the outside noise and opinions of others. Listen to the voice of your inner wisdom; your experience. What is it saying to you?

♋ - Cancer: The Hanged One R: This week is time to get moving toward your goals! If there has been something that you have been trying to accomplish or bring into your life, then now is the time to start actively working toward achieving it. This message is especially true if you feel that you have been stuck in a period of waiting around, or a stalemate of some sort. Right about this week, things should be looking a lot clearer than before, and you should be feeling pretty on top of things. Your understanding and insights should be crystal clear in the coming week. What is it that you need to accomplish? How will you get there?

♌ - Leo: Knight of Pentacles R: There may be something coming into your life or a situation that you have been dealing with that now feels well and truly stuck. All progress has halted, and you may be feeling unmotivated and uninspired to continue. The important message of this card is to not give up hope! Often times, when we feel stuck on something and don’t know the way forward, we need to spend some more time researching and planning. Through the act of examining alternative routes and talking to those who have had similar experiences, new doorways will open up and you will be able to get things moving again, back on track. Another message that I’m hearing with this card is that you may need to take a bit of a break. This second message is especially true if your project is related to your creative capacity in some way. Sometimes, the best way to unblock a situation is to completely ignore it for a little while. This way, you can rekindle the passion and inspiration that helped you get started in the first place.

♍ - Virgo: 10 of Swords R: This week, you may find that a burden of some kind will be lifted from you. This is likely to be more mental/emotional than anything else. Old wounds are finally getting a chance to heal, and you should be feeling pretty good about things moving forward. For some of you, this may take the form of something moving out of your life for good (and for the better!). If there was a person or situation that was causing you a lot of stress, then this card is indicative that things will soon be resolved. You can hasten this healing process by releasing anything that does not support you mentally and emotionally in a healthy way. If something appears to be on its way out, it may be time to let it go. “Good Riddance” to old habits and dramas that were weighing you down.

♎ - Libra: 4 of Cups R: This week is a good time to notice the many blessings that have always been around you. You should be moving into a situation or mindset that feels more positive and uplifting. If you have been feeling lately that you’ve been in a bit of a slump, then this card is confirming that you are now reading to move away from that. This message may be related to social media or communication by phone in some way. If you have been feeling a bit off or like the people/situations/energies in your life just don’t hold the same spark for you anymore, then it may be time to look inwards for a bit. Consider what you really want in your life, and what would be most fulfilling to you. Opportunities will always present themselves to those who keep an open mind and look for them, but remember that you don’t always have to take what is being offered. If there is something in your life that you feel like you have to take because there are others telling you that it’s too good to pass up, be sure to check in with yourself and make sure it is actually in alignment with what you truly want. A blessing from one person’s point of view can seem rather disastrous from another.

♏ - Scorpio: 8 of Swords: There may be a situation in your life that has you feeling stuck and unable to see the way out. It may feel that your hands are tied or that the ground you have built your life on is mushy and slowly sinking into the depths of the earth. In your life, this feeling may manifest itself as a job you don’t like, or as a relationship that no longer feels fulfilling for you. It could even be a general sense of unease and entrapment. However, it is important to remember that there is always a way out. Oftentimes, when we are stressed, we can talk ourselves into a feeling of being powerless and unable to act. If this is the case for you, Scorpio, you’ll want to be extra mindful of your self-talk. We can easily make a situation feel worse than it is simply by using words that are negative, untrue or downright mean. It doesn’t have to be all sunshine and rainbow language all the time, especially if that’s not your thing. But consider how the words you use with yourself and others either disempower  or empower you. How do your words inform your actions or inactions? Do they make you feel paralyzed, or do they inspire you to move forward toward your goals? Another thing to notice is that this card always comes with a silver lining. See the water at her feet, flowing away from the situation? Water has a lot to teach us. With patience and diligence, it can flow right through any obstacle. There is always a way out.

♐ - Sagittarius: 7 of Cups: This week, there will likely be many possibilities opening up for you. In situations involving choices that must be made in order to move forward, you may find that there are too many options to choose from. Each path forward may seem mystical and utterly full of excitement and magic. You may even be feeling a bit overwhelmed with the sheer number of possibilities. This may manifest as a feeling of feeling scattered or unable to commit to a person, situation or mindset. While it’s generally a good thing to keep our options open, sometimes we can become so mystified and distracted by the possibility of achieving what we desire, that we miss out on the opportunity to act. This week, Sagittarius, it may be beneficial for you to commit to one path and/or decision. Having a clear goal or purpose in mind while you make your choice will assist you in this.

♑ - Capricorn: The Hierophant: This week there is a lesson that needs to be learned or experienced in order for you to move forward or step away from a situation that has been causing a lot of harm or discomfort. This lesson holds the key to your success and inner growth, and will likely seem a bit stuffy or restrictive at first. The Hierophant is a card that speaks of tradition, status quo and learning for the sake of spiritual and/or character growth. It relies heavily on the idea that there is a certain way that things must be done, and to deviate from the traditional path means that you cannot achieve or accomplish the thing you are trying to attain. Is there something in your life right now that requires you to follow steps or a specific order? If so, then this card could be reinforcing the need to make sure you follow the proper guidelines well. When we are learning something, or being initiated into a tradition of some sort, then we can expect to follow certain steps or sequences of events. If this kind of learning is not for you, then there may be another path or study that will be better for you.

♒ - Aquarius: 8 of Pentacles: This week is the time to begin the work toward any project or goal that you have been considering. Being an air sign, it is likely that you excel at the mental/planning stages of the creative process, but you may struggle with the actual, physical work part. If this sounds like you, then this card is telling you that now is the time to go for it. You have planned and envisioned the way you’d like everything to be, and now it is time to bring your idea into being. This will likely be a process that could span several weeks to a few months. Know that any hard work you invest into your goals now will majorly pay off in the future.

♓ - Pisces: The Queen of Cups: This week, you should be able to embody the archetype of the Queen of water. This could mean that you are feeling in tune with your emotions and intuition. Your actions should be feeling in alignment with your emotions, and while you are able to source your inspiration from your deepest feelings, you should also have no trouble a healthy separation between your emotional reality and your physical reality. You may be feeling so in tune with this compassionate energy that others may look up to you or come to you for advice. You give off a vibe that makes others feel that they can speak with you about any personal or sensitive issue. They trust that you will always listen with compassion and empathy, and that you will never mock or belittle an experience, no matter how it seems. This week, you may find yourself stepping into the role of the Queen of Cups. Alternatively, this could be a gentle reminder to embody all of her qualities in your own life, for yourself. How can you bring the energy of this queen into your life this week?

[sabineelectricheart]

The Only Absolute Truth About Love

Summary: Sylvain felt blessed when he came to find out the only absolute truth about love. It was a heavenly punishment, rather than a gift.

Rating: K+ - Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.

Words: 2100

Notes: I really wonder what my dearest readers think about the choices made on this fic. Do leave a comment, I’m a little slow (in time and in rational thought), but I really do appreciate it.

In all of his too many years of existence, forged through pain, war and loneliness, Sylvain, the heir to the great Gautier name, felt blessed when he came to find out the only absolute truth about love.

It was a heavenly punishment, rather than a gift.

The feeling of love immediately and inescapably equates to regret. All lovers eventually come to regret their folly, and it is a catch-28, as one often regrets not only in loving a person, but also in not being able or brave enough to actually express it.

It was a silly feeling, really, a feeling Sylvain would never admit to having even if had left him unable to sleep at night. Not the real kind of love, the one every man and woman he ever came across said he had never felt, instead of the courtly love he professed for every slightly striking beauty in the continent.

The redhead has no time for it, he tried to convince himself repeatedly, as life was much too short to care for monogamy, as people were inherently flawed and prone to hurt one another, as no one would ever care for him other than the blood that runs through his veins. However, the painful and suffocating clench he felt in his heart at the sight of his beloved in another man’s arms often gave pause to those thoughts.

He, then, wonders if he should have shed those fatalist convictions aside, if he should have taken a chance on them. He should have said something, anything, but whenever he opened his mouth, nothing good ever escaped. Only jokes, flirts and unfair comparisons.

The young lord swears on the Blue Sea Star that he wanted to become better, to pull himself together. He vowed it on the Goddess Tower, after all, and those promises are not to be forsaken. He thought he had time, he thought she would wait, but it turns out he was wrong.

He never meant for it to go this far, for him to catch feelings for his professor after Moons of shameless flirting. As far as he had noticed, the young woman was quite contented in the relationship they had, with the constant naughty whispers exchanged in public just to make the other feel flustered, to calling each other ‘dear’ just to tease.

Sylvain never knew she wanted more. If he had, he would have provided for whatever she could need. If he had only asked, he would have been hers. He should have asked either way, because anything was better than this, being forced to haunt empty rooms and hallways, hoping to sneak a glance or a moment of her time.

This was a particularly pleasant night, the Great Tree Moon shone full above the monastery, as Byleth walked through the hollowed passages between the academy and her new apartments amongst the faculty.

A soft smile was playing on her lips at the delight she felt after returning to the classroom, after so much tragedy of war. Pedagogy was the first and only thing she really found herself in, and she was glad for the sentiment of normalcy settling over Garreg Mach, as a new batch of students came along from all three corners of Fódlan.

Alas, regardless of her personal feelings about her chosen profession, it was still hard work, and the former mercenary wanted nothing more than a spot of relaxing tea and the close, warm embrace of her soft bed.

She turned into another hallway, a tapping sound echoing in the emptiness with each step she took on her leather boots, when a hand suddenly gripped her forearm, tugging her into an empty classroom. She tried to steady herself, scowling as she heard the door slam behind her. Instinctively, her hand snatched her dagger from her robes, pointing it towards the perpetrator before she could even see them.

To the woman’s great surprise, he who stood in front of her was Sylvain Gautier, a solemn expression on his moonlit face as he watched her. She felt her lips fall into a frown, unimpressed that the person she considered one of her closest friends before he forcefully distanced himself had decided to pull this kind of stunt now.

“I swear to you that if this is some kind of sick joke, Gautier…” She snapped impatiently, crossing her arms over her chest and leaving the threat hanging between them. They both knew who was stronger between them.

“It’s not!” He rushed out, approaching her, only for her to step back again. “I just...”

“I do not have all night, you know.” Her eyes burned into his, annoyance bubbling into her stomach the longer it took for him to say something. “Sylvain, I…”

“Leave him.” He blurted out before she could even utter another word.

Byleth scoffed. “Excuse me?”

“Aegir.” Sylvain amended his statement, becoming clear about whom and what he wanted to converse, his amber eyes looking back at the woman almost pleadingly. “Leave him.”

The professor released a cold laugh, disbelief running through her system at how stupid his request was. She was tired, to say the least, not enough energy running through her system to engage in an argument, so she turned to leave.

His strong, calloused hand grasped her arm again, keeping her in place, only for her to pull it back as if his touch had stung her.

“Please, Byleth.” He uncharacteristically pleaded with her. “I just want to talk to you.”

“There was a time I wanted to talk to you, too, Sylvain. Six Moons ago, to be more precise.” She sneered at him, eyes still glaring. “However, you were so adamant on ignoring my letters and visits, so I decided to let it go. I ought to you the same curtesy.”

“I never wanted any of this to happen!”

“When you say ‘this’, do you mean giving me in the healthy, committed relationship you could never bother to provide?” Her deceivingly soft hands made their way to her slender hips, to punctuate her dissatisfaction. “Let us be completely candid, Sylvain. Should you have not seen me with Ferdinand, should you have not heard of our engagement, you would not have bothered with me and whomever I choose to spend my time with.”

“Certainly not, I…!” He tried to interject.

“I find it so very convenient for you to admit that when I am in a loving relationship, no?” Byleth bit back sarcastically, cutting him off. “Are you unable, in some capacity, to stomach the fact that you cannot have everything you want? You cannot have me and all other womankind, and I would bet you merely want me to return to the position of your lover, if not just so anyone else cannot play what was once yours.”

It was absolutely jarring for them both to witness the usually stoic, soft-spoken Byleth to be so bitterly emotional, but the woman has held onto these frustrations and pains for much too long and it was time to let it out.

“Stop it, Byleth! You very well know it is not like that!” He growled, his features hardening as he tried to hold himself back.

“Then tell me what you want, Sylvain Gautier!” She exclaimed in anger.

“I want you!” He shouts, and then repeats with a softer voice. “I want you. I want to be with you and you alone.”

The professor turned silent once again at his confession, her harsh and judgemental glare softening at the words she would have liked to hear from him many Moons ago. Alas, things are different now. Now, she is in a relationship with Ferdinand von Aegir. Now, all the feelings she had for Sylvain were gone, replaced by anger and betrayal over the fact that he had led her on, only to force himself into her life when he realized she had gotten over him.

“You are so selfish.” Was all she thought to say. “I am tired, Sylvain. I am tired of loss and loneliness and fighting, and I was only more alone whenever I was in your company. You made me feel like I was worth nothing to you, and now you come forcing yourself back into my life as if you are completely blameless in the whole situation? I wasted so much time on you, Sylvain…”

“And I understand I am not worth it.”

“No, you were not.” She breathed out. “But it was freely given. Not anymore, though.”

Their eyes met again, his still pleading ones meeting the exhausted ones of hers. She has been wanting to talk about this for months, approaching him every opportunity she managed to weasel, but he brushed her off, always making excuses about being busy or away, when she would see him flirting and sneaking around with village girls as soon as she turns her head.

“I know you are at your best now. I can tell.” He mumbled after a few minutes, too soft that she almost did not hear. “And… And yes, I know how selfish I am being. I know how selfish it is to say that I hate it. I hate seeing you with him, flirting with him the way you used to do to me. I hate seeing you look at him as if he held the world in his hands. I hate… I hate the fact that you replaced me with him!”

“I did not replace you! Ferdinand is not some kind of substitute to you. He is his own man, and I am perfectly aware of the differences and similarities.” She took a deep breath in, calming herself. “Ferdinand... Unlike you, he has been a blessing on my life. He never made me doubt my relationship with him because he made sure to spend every second of the day assuring me that I am the only one for him, that I am not just some girl he would fuck around with for fun then leave eventually the same way you did.”

She grew self-conscious underneath his studying gaze, but she continued. “He made me realize that love is not supposed to hurt. That love could be both grand gestures and courtly affections and the small, everyday grind of life. I love his sunny disposition, his positive outlook on things, his delicacy and mannerisms. I even love his flaws. I love what he does for me and I love who I am when I love him back.”

“Anything Aegir does, I can do, too, Byleth.” The redhead petulantly pointed out.

“No, Sylvain” The woman sighed as she approached him, placing her hands on his shoulders so she could look him directly in the eye. “Love is not a matter of being able to serve and do things for the other person, it is not about the uncertainty of being servile enough that you feel entitled to it. I hope you will come to realize it when she find the same kind of love that I did.”

She pulled away, turning to leave, when she heard his all-to-familiar nickname for her leave his mouth. “Dear?”

Goddess above, did she hate the fact that her muscle memory had reacted, turning to him immediately at the name she had reserved only for each other over the years. The frown on her face told him she did not appreciate it when he called her that anymore, but he continued anyway.

“Please do not use this name on him.” There was a sad smile on his face, all traces of hopefulness gone. He has given up. “I can stand seeing both of you together, seeing you kiss as if you thought no one was looking, but I do not think I could stand hearing your voice call him the way you used to call me.”

There was silence in the air again, because how does one go about responding to a request such as that?

“I will make sure to keep that in mind until you are ready to let go, Sylvain.” She offered her own smile.

Leaning up, she leaves a lingering kiss on his cheek, his eyes fluttering close knowing it was a bid farewell.

Not waiting for an answer, Byleth left, eyes shutting as guilt filled her stomach the moment when she heard his pained sob echo through the lonely room as she shut the door behind her.

As the morning came, the Gautier heir had left the monastery and returned to his territory to the north. He would be wed before the season went out, hoping to find out what “getting over” love even means.

*_*_*_*_*

Fire Emblem Masterlist

Three Houses Masterlist

[hvnriks-archive]

✦ — [ jessica vu. 21. she/her. pixie hollow/disney fairies ] VIDIA PHAM was just spotted coming out off THE TRACK, with MARINA, OH NO!; playing as a constant tune inside their head, it might as well be their song. easily noticed by their TOP OF THE LINE ATHLETIC WEAR, LIGHTNING FAST REFLEXES & UNSHAKABLE AIR OF SUPERIOIRTY. VIDIA is not one to be forgotten. 

" i am a fast-flying fairy, a true rare talent ”

✦ — what are you keeping from the original canon

i’m keeping as much as i can from the movie canon, really, though there isn’t that extended a backstory for her anyway. i’m keeping her snooty attitude, her tendency to distance herself from others and place herself above them, her skill at speed and agility, all that. her modern day counterpart is going to be a track star instead of a fast flier.

✦ — personality

“ my wife is a bitch and i love her so much ” asgh

vidia is ... in so many ways, unpleasant to deal with. proud, condescending, secretive - just overall prickly and a nightmare to handle. her need to compete and be the best is a barrier to a lot of otherwise positive relationships. a clever and driven girl no doubt, but it’s not like any bodies getting close enough for long enough to experience it. she’s extremely talented and accomplished and unfortunately she’s let that go to her head a little ( see: a lot )

but much like her film counterpart, i think she does have quite a lot of insecurity and loneliness in her. there’s probably some regret lingering there for all the times she lashes out or pushes people away. she has an incredible capability for kindness and a soft streak in her, although buried deep deep under layers of judgement and selfish tendencies ... she just needs someone to drag it out asdf. definitely the kind of person that could be greatly influenced by the people around her - a more kind and openminded friend group would probably see her softening her iron grip significantly

+ self-assured, strong-willed, independent, assertive, strategic, clever, protective, alluring, charming, confident 

- sly, vindictive, sarcastic, jealous, vain, competitive, short-tempered, guarded, condescending

✦ — your characters schooling

her main reason for being at sherwood is more as a high performance athlete and less so for an actual degree - she spends most of her time training on the track and in conditioning as opposed to actual classes. a sprinter and runner more than a student, really. as a result her coursework is slightly reduced as compared to a regular student. as dislikable as she is, you have to admit she’s pretty good at her sport. an olympic contender, even

her interest in her studies is not as high as her interest in running, but she aims for high marks regardless because vidia is just like that: always has to be the best. her attendance really just depends on her whim of the day; she doesn’t purposefully skip class often, per say, but she also has no guilt about not going if something more interesting crops up

she’s studying business half because she just had to pick something and half so that it will be useful later in her career in a sports management kind of capacity

she doesn’t really have any time for clubs aside from participating in track meets and maybe the relay team

i would love for her to room at clumber house x

✦ — two connections

( JESSICA VU ) our VIDIA is looking for UTP to fulfill their OLDER SISTER. They would be 22-26 and would most likely look like LANA CONDOR. You DO NOT have to contact the player. description: vidia doesn’t have a sister in the movie obviously, so the disney character you choose could be anyone you have muse for, but i thought it might be interesting for the two sisters to be complete opposites ? vidia is ... kind of a bitch i’m going to be real, so if they actually get along or not is open to plotting

( JESSICA VU ) our VIDIA is looking for UTP to fulfill their EX GIRLFRIEND. They would be 20-23 and would most likely look like UTP. You DO NOT have to contact the player. description: for all that vidia is charming and attractive and passionate, she’s probably not super great girlfriend material unless you’re into someone constantly pointing out your flaws. while she was genuinely into this person, there’s a solid chance it was also her fault they broke up .

✦ — three head canons

you know those gymshark girls ? that always seem to be rocking a new perfectly colour coordinated athleisure outfit every day of the week with their sleek ponytails and shiny sneakers and somehow manage to look impeccable even though they’re supposed to be working out ? yeah that’s vidia

she’s definitely more of a sprinter than a long distance runner - she’s all about going as fast as possible and crossing distances in the shortest amount of time. hence her events are more along the lines of the 100m or 200m. also, her teamwork skills are shit so that basically kills any chance of professional relay

she definitely has no qualms about stringing along guys for a bit of fun or a no strings attached hook up here or there, but romantic wise she’s much more into women ( not that she’s the committed monogamous type anyway ). there’s a 90% chance that if she can ever get over her emotional vulnerability issues or someone can ever stand her for long enough to be her longterm partner, it’s probably going to be a woman

big slytherin energy

[kokkuri3]

I think VnC’s treatment of female characters is better than in PH, where most of them were props, tools to further the development of males, *coughLacieyoudeservedbetter*, tools to humanise the males *coughAdayoucan’tfixhimwithlove, endlessly forgiving and impossibly saintly *coughreallyAlyssyou’rejustgonnaforgiveJacklikethatyouarenotangryatall??*, amongst other problematic tropes.

VnC’s treatment of female characters is absolutely better than PH’s-- in fact, I’d say VnC was one of the few shounen manga to consistently treat its female characters with the same passion and respect as its male ones. One thing I say often is that VnC feels as thought it was written with Mochizuki having acknowledged PH’s problems (the complete lack of nonwhite characters, the continual mistreatment of female characters, the at times facetious treatment of issues such as incest or pedophilia which is... Not A Fan) and to that effect, I think she is making a deliberate effort to make multiple female characters with their own arcs which exist outside of men, who have important relationships with other women, who are capable of agency in the same capacity as their male counterparts.

This post isn’t really about VnC though so I’m not gonna sing its praises much anymore. I’ve talked before about how, despite being written by a woman, despite clearly acknowledging misogyny as a chronic problem among violent men PH is... not especially self aware when it comes to the misogyny of its own narrative.

I’ve made my thoughts on Lacie clear before (see here) and particularly how I believe her treatment was one of the times where PH’s treatment of women was particularly remarkable in that it’s good, despite her arc being drenched in misogynistic abuse and violence. I absolutely wish that the atrocities pinned on Lacie being not her fault was made more clear (aside from what I said in the post, and Oz saying that Lacie would never desire for the destruction of the world she loved) but I don’t think her writing itself was misogynistic-- I’d even go as far as to say it was feminist, though, obviously, I’m open to disagreement.

What most certainly does piss me off, however, is the writing of Ada’s arc. Yesterday I joked about Ada being the ‘anti-Lacie,’ and while it was a joke, I still intended some seriousness with it. Unlike Lacie, who was forced to constantly reevaluate her morals and the positions of her and her loved ones as a person whose existence was an inherent sin and who was abused throughout her life, Ada’s arc is built around the fact that she has never had to question anything. Similarly, while Lacie’s arc is about how she sought her own agency despite being surrounded by and allowed only those who were at best complacent in her suffering, Ada’s arc is about how... she continually sought out and apologized for a misogynistic predator despite being surrounded by better options.

The gender of the Core of the Abyss is something which I think warrants a separate post, but the official translation refers to the Core as being female, and for nearly the entire story she takes the form of a girl. Lacie reached out to an entity referred to and most often perceived as female, sought to understand her, and was abused as a specific consequence of this. Ada, meanwhile, made no real attempts at sympathy for her female counterparts. She never sought to question the circumstances of Noise, or Echo, or their relationship with Vincent. She gave forgiveness for crimes she had not been affected by nor did she even understand; her defense of Vincent was done not out of concern for Noise’s psyche but out of unquestioned pity for her abuser.

Ada’s arc bothers me for its utter lack of agency. She was a teenaged girl, expected to fix a predatory, abusive man in his twenties, and throughout her arc she is given no real means of choosing other options nor protecting herself. Her decision to defend a predator was not even an educated one; she simply did not know. Nor did she ever really come to understand anything about Vincent, aside from brief glimpses into his past. Ada is dragged around by the plot, pursuing an abuser she did not know was an abuser yet still felt sure she could heal, being forbidden from choice-- where she was not denied choice in the sense that she lacked the knowledge to make one, she was denied choice via other characters forbidding her. She was not allowed to protect Vincent though she wanted to because Vincent felt it was too dangerous to allow her to, she was not allowed to remain beside her friends and family though she wanted to because they felt it was too dangerous to allow her to, she wasn’t allowed to stay with Vincent because it was too dangerous, she wasn’t allowed to see him again because it was too dangerous... and she’s never given the choice to do anything but go along with it.

Alyss’s forgiveness of Jack is... a more complicated issue. That Ada “forgive” Vincent-- along with many of their other interactions, I might add-- felt utterly meaningless to me. Ada had never really perceived Vincent as performing a slight against her, being perfectly willing to assign any violence he committed against her as either her own fault, or part of his mental illness, thus Not His Fault. That Alyss forgive Jack, who was violent towards her, who she understood as victimizing her and others... I don’t like it, exactly, but at least it’s not the same.

I’m not sure “forgive” is even the correct word for what she did-- she acknowledged him, and she was gentle, but she never told Jack that she forgave him. Vincent’s dialogue during Retrace CIII supplements this in saying he suspects that Alyss’s feelings for Jack are the same as his own.

Vincent feels unable to either forgive Jack nor reject him entirely, feeling that he had done too much good for him to ever really hate him. Alyss, similarly, felt too strong a love for Jack to reject him outright. She never expressed sympathy for his actions, nor did she make any attempts to defend him. There was no misunderstanding on Alyss’s part on whether her love for Jack was unhealthy, but she loved him nonetheless. When she finally “finds” him, she offers no words of kindness. She simply expressed her gratitude in having done so before calling him a hopelessly lonely man, making no further attempts at even acknowledging him.

Of course, there is the inherent misogyny of a character arc about a young girl infatuated with an adult man, to the point of destroying her other relationships in pursuit of it. That Alyss was deliberately isolated and that Jack be the only person aside from the other Alice and the Core of Abyss-- two entities that cannot be meaningfully separated from herself-- is an obvious contributor, but that does not erase the problematic aspects of her arc. Then there’s the matter of Alyss’s wish to die being the only one treated as though it was a necessary evil, as opposed to a reflection of the individual’s personal instability that should be addressed through supporting them as opposed to killing them. It’s sort of an unfair double standard, and that the plot make Alyss’s death a necessary evil is a matter of author choice, not something inherent to the work.

On the topic of other instances of misogynistic writing in PH as a whole, there’s the matter of Alice and Sharon’s arc. While I don’t think either arc is in itself misogynistic, both characters are totally ignored in favor of their male counterparts. Despite Alice being one of the most important characters in the series, she has almost no narration and is frequently characterized as, to quote a friend of mine, a “feral animal.” She’s not given the same emotional or psychological depth as Oz or Gil, despite having around the same number of appearances and being the plot’s catalyst. Sharon has her own arc, theoretically, but we only ever see it within the context of Break or Reim despite being more of a main character than the latter. That Sharon spend entire volumes not appearing a single time is a recurring joke. A major part of her characterization-- that she feel insecure in relationships due to her halted aging-- is not revealed until the last chapter of the comic. Her arc ends with her marrying to a character who... I wouldn’t have been upset if the two of them had had any real interactions outside of Break, but they didn’t. There’s no inherent problem with their relationship except it’s boring and rushed.

Then there’s the matter of the sheer number of female versus male characters whose purpose in the plot is to die violently-- the Flower Girl, Vanessa Nightray, Bernice Nightray, Miranda Barma, Mary, etc. All of these characters did little or nothing to actually progress the plot, and all are murdered by a male character with the exception of the Flower Girl (who is a sex worker in the anime adaptation, and while I don’t know the canonicity of that, I feel it worth mentioning). 

Ultimately, PH suffers a lot for Mochizuki’s internalized misogyny. Her narrative seems over eager to forgive perpetrators of misogynistic violence, and in many ways over eager to characterize sympathetic men as misogynists. A Pandora Hearts without its themes of misogyny seems... nearly incomprehensible, though that’s in large part because of how meticulous the narrative as a whole is. The improvements Mochizuki has made subsequently, though, are noticeable and greatly appreciated.

[kramlabs]

the original Gym Jones:

What it is, What it isn’t, What we do, What we don’t do

BY MARK TWIGHT

We have tried to be clear about who we are and what we do but public commentary indicates that we have failed. In the words of Henrietta Collins, “We’ll leave nothing to your imagination this time. We tried that last time and, in our opinion it didn’t work.” Only those who train in the back room of Gym Jones know exactly what Gym Jones is and isn’t. Anyone else who presumes to know is confused.

 What It Is Gym Jones is a gym. It is a physical location. Those who attend the gym engage in various forms of physical and psychological training to support sport performance or work objectives. They have been invited to do so, then invited to remain.

Gym Jones represents the point where the thought and action of athletes and professionals with diverse histories and objectives overlap. I’ll never fight in a cage, Harold won’t stand on top of a mountain, and neither of us will set any weightlifting records. But Harold, Dan John and I share components of our training.

Gym Jones is an attitude. It is perhaps best described as “utter commitment to the task at hand” and characterized by the mobilization of all available resources to achieve a particular goal. Because the occupations and sports done by many who train here involve considerable risk the training is taken seriously. That said no one pretends that it is anything more than it is.

The Gym Jones website is a window into our ideals and actions. The view through this window is incomplete. We don’t post everything we do, or everything we believe. You see what we show you.

The training described in the Schedule section of the site is not a workout prescription or recommendation. It is a record of what was done by selected individuals on a particular day. These written words are influenced by individual objectives, individual variances (height/weight), sport-specificity, current training status, and any cyclic emphasis that may be guiding the training. Ignorance of these qualifying factors limits the value of the information.

 What It Is Not Gym Jones is not a “program.” We use diverse paths to reach varied, individual objectives. We do not claim to know all of the paths and certainly not the best path for every given circumstance. I only claim that I’m constantly searching, practicing, recording and making progress. This is an ongoing process.

The training here is not a sport itself. Timed workouts are used to measure increased or decreased fitness on a given day, within the limitations of the gym. Gym-specific fitness means little. Survival, overcoming genuine hardship, and improved sport performance mean something. Gym Jones only exists to support these outcomes. Increased sport and work capacity results from hard work done by the athletes themselves. Fighters beaten, contests won, missions accomplished, summits reached, and records surpassed result from the specific, technical skill of the protagonists. The role of the gym is supporting.

A workout undertaken here is not “owned” by anyone but the athlete actually doing it. Everything practiced here is similar to something used by someone, somewhere, sometime in the past. Training methods are deemed appropriate and effective or not according to the particular goal. If one single form of training was the most effective way to achieve all sport performance objectives, every athlete would use that form exclusively but they don’t. Individuals and their objectives vary so the mechanisms of preparation must differ.

It isn’t for sale. We don’t sell anything to the public. No one may buy their way in or purchase anything associated with the gym. If someone has a t-shirt it was earned, and given by gym personnel. If someone trains with us they were invited.

 What We Do I learn by doing. I lead by example. Perhaps Emerson said it best, “what you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." My resumé speaks for me. The accomplishments of the athletes who train or are associated with us speak for them.

We provide athletes with a location and opportunity to prepare intelligently for their sport or work requirements within the context of the areas where we are expert: relative strength, power-endurance, and endurance. We prepare athletes for repetitive application of power, for genuine endurance and ultra endurance. We provide what the individual needs on an individual basis.

We choose clients. Clients don’t choose us. We invite the ones we want to work with to train here. Some pay a fee, some don’t. We choose athletes who resonate with our attitude and areas of expertise, and whose projects inspire us.

 What We Don’t Do We do not strictly adhere to any single method but those appropriate to the goal. I learned and practiced several different types of training during the 15 years I earned my living as an athlete. I benefited from relationships with many mentors and coaches. I repay those teachers by not remaining a student. Instead I add their teachings to my own experience and knowledge to create my own way.

We don’t train athletes to squat 800 pounds or to stack on 25 pounds of muscle in a year because we don’t do it and we don’t see the point. We don’t assist non-athletes to lose weight because we don’t have the patience.

We don’t treat the training itself as competition because, for the athletes who train here, the real competition or performance lies elsewhere. Since training isn’t our sport we don’t treat every day as a race. Puke, injury and/or illness are not indicative of intelligent or effective training.

 In Defense of Elitism As if it requires defending … Gym Jones is exclusive. We exclude. It is not a question of elitism vs. egalitarianism because there can be no question; the black belt is elite, the white belt is not. The black belt is earned through long, difficult work, rigorous education, commitment, and persistence. Not everyone gets a black belt. It’s not T-Ball. We invite elite performers to train here because they foster the environment we prefer. It is the rare athlete who improves despite training exclusively with less capable practitioners and such exceptions may not be used to prove a rule. Talented athletes surround themselves with others of a similar or higher caliber – both mental and physical – and improve by doing so.

The parallel motive has to do with choosing who we want to spend our limited time with: why would we open our arms to any and everyone?

 The Last Word “But don’t forget my ideas are only what’s been written down in history by the great people of the world who’ve gone before. All I’ve done is condense the wisdom of the world into an attitude for athletics. Athletics aren’t just running, it’s a way of life” Percy Cerutty

[wedding87-blog]

How to Become a Successful Wedding Planner With Inexpensive Weddings

Would you be able to get by arranging weddings? Indeed. As an independently employed proficient, you can either charge a set expense for the wedding or a level of the complete expense. Your pay can be questionable when you first beginning arranging these spectacles, yet as your notoriety spreads and you acquire understanding, your salary can increment drastically.

Obviously, you will make more pay on an intricate, gigantic wedding, yet a few littler and basic weddings will be less upsetting when you are beginning and, when the different pay is included, you will likely make a similar measure of cash.

A few organizations who track pay rates report yearly earnings in the $50,000 territory for wedding organizers. One such organization, PayScale, right now reports these normal hourly rates for the calling:

* California $28.00

* Georgia $27.50

* Massachusetts $20.64

* New York $15.00

* Louisiana $14.00

* Pennsylvania $10.23

* Texas $9.00

Likewise with any independent work, your prosperity relies completely upon your imagination, dependability and promoting aptitudes. There are online courses you can take to show you the aptitudes you have to design the ideal wedding for your customers. A portion of those courses will prompt confirmation as a Wedding Organizer, which will give you greater believability with your customers and improve your expert remaining with your partners. read this article wedding

Beginning

What an expert Wedding Organizer really does is assume the subtleties and duty of the occasion, diminishing the lady and groom and their families, from the anxieties in question. Thusly, this permits them to appreciate the fundamental wedding occasions, similar to pre-wedding parties and picking a special night area.

There are loads of subtleties you, as a Wedding Organizer, need to know to keep things running easily and inside the spending plan accessible. You should have a lot of assets you can take advantage of to get the best help at the best costs, such as holding the congregation or sanctuary, providing food the gathering, requesting blossoms, getting the wedding dress planned and requested, choosing solicitations and declarations, booking the music and employing an expert picture taker, among numerous different errands.

It would likely be excellent guidance to begin your vocation on little and to some degree economical weddings. Monster spectacles can be mind boggling and tedious to the most experienced Wedding Organizer and you would be very much encouraged to fire littler and work up.

A portion of the accompanying tips should assist you with beginning on arranging a littler wedding that will get a good deal on a few of the more costly highlights of typical weddings. The lady of the hour's dad will adore you for it.

The Wedding Outfit

* The wedding outfit can be sufficiently costly to break any spending plan. You can offer your customer a few alternatives that are reasonable will even now make the lady of the hour appear as though a blessed messenger as she skims down the path.

Leasing an outfit is turning out to be more mainstream consistently. Consider it. The lady of the hour is going to wear it once and it was most likely worn once before she leased it. It likewise maintains a strategic distance from the capacity issue for a long time if the lady of the hour won't be sparing it for her firstborn youngster to wear at her own wedding.

* If an individual from the lady's family is a decent sewer, propose that she request that the relative make the dress. Giving all the material and in any event, paying the relative for the administration will more than likely be more affordable than getting one from a wedding store.

* Another way would be for the lady of the hour to wear her mom's wedding outfit, on the off chance that she spared it. You should check it cautiously for any crumbling before the lady of the hour focuses on wearing it. The mother is presumably from an age that idea sparing her wedding outfit was a commitment of the marriage and accepted for a very long while that her little girl would wear it at her own wedding.

The Gathering

Another financial plan buster is the gathering, yet some arranging with a genuine rude awakening can lessen your customer's consumptions here.

* Think littler. Converse with your customers about how they can scale down the list of attendees. At the point when the fervor of the coming occasion assumes control over, your customers and their folks will commonly have an exceptionally extensive rundown of individuals to welcome to the wedding and the gathering after.

A large number of the guardians' dreams of the gathering can take after a spectacle with many visitors, crunching caviar and drinking champagne throughout the night in a colossal assembly hall. On the off chance that their spending won't spread the significant costs engaged with their fantasy gathering, your aptitudes as the Wedding Organizer will be very much served here.

To begin with, keeping the list if people to attend little and just welcoming close loved ones will set aside cash and still give the fantasy festivity your customers need. In the event that your customer hasn't had a cozy relationship with school companions or neighbors from four moves back, don't put them on the rundown.

Rather than leasing the biggest corridor or club meal room in your town for the gathering, you have a few cheap choices that may speak to your customers:

* Look at cafés in the zone. Some have meal rooms that they will either lease or give free on the off chance that you utilize their administrations for the formal dinner or the smorgasbord.

* Consider proposing that your customers hold the gathering at their home. The gathering doesn't need to incorporate a full supper. Provided food appetizers and a champagne wellspring will set the merry state of mind your customers need.

* Weddings held in gardens or other characteristic settings are extremely well known and lovely. There's insignificant beautification required and the main cost may be for the clergyman, rabbi or Equity of the Harmony.

* Not having a thoroughly stocked bar will set aside a great deal of cash, paying little heed to where the gathering is held. The champagne wellspring referenced above can likewise be joined with lager or wine if the customers need to give extra drinks to their visitors.

The Photography

The proper wedding administration requires an expert picture taker who will make a wonderful collection to record the extraordinary day and save the recollections to remember as they wish. In the event that you make a relationship with a few picture takers as you fabricate your vocation, you will know which one to employ for your customer's motivations.

The remainder of the festival can be recorded by the entirety of their companions and family members with a computerized camera in their pockets. A few customers put dispensable cameras on tables for anybody to utilize. Have a finished bin close by and noticeable to give your visitors a spot to leave the cameras when they return home.

The Wedding Solicitations

Recently connected with couples can go path over the edge on their wedding solicitations and your undertaking, as their Wedding Organizer, is to propose ways for them to get a good deal on this costly thing.

Those engraved solicitations with the strip appended or the edges cut into awe-inspiring structures are costly. A similar impact can be accomplished with a decent card stock and one of those edge cutters utilized for scrapbooking. The important things can be found in any great specialty store and some fixed stores. They accompany coordinating envelopes, as well. The real content can undoubtedly be printed with a decent inkjet or laser printer.

One approach to make natively constructed solicitations extraordinary and extremely close to home is to arrange stamps from the US Mail station with the couple's commitment picture on them.

Consider proposing that your customer incorporate creation her own cards to say thanks and, even the spot cards, in the event that you are including a plunk down gathering for their wedding. By and by, a decent laser or inkjet printer can do the extravagant textual styles and incorporate an image of the couple to make them individual. The cards to say thanks would stick out in the event that they were sent with a wedding picture on the stamps.

The Blossoms

It isn't important to purchase extravagant decorative layouts and pay for the botanical fashioner's time and aptitude. Straightforward blossoms orchestrated delightfully in groups or falls can be made by either the lady of the hour's family or a sly companion. They can be conveyed to the congregation by you or by companions.

On the off chance that you are building your business, make a few associations with bloom merchants and offer that support to your customers. They will be pleased at the reserve funds and the sellers will cherish you for the business.

Contingent upon the season, the blossoms can be picked from the lady of the hour's own patio or from a companion's yard. A couple of reasonable jars, some lace and both the wedding and the gathering will be perfectly adorned while not breaking the family's spending plan.

A couple of blossom courses of action can appealingly set off a smorgasbord table or on the tables at a plunk down supper. Consider a few weddings you have gone to as a visitor. What number of bloom courses of action do you truly recollect? During the whole wedding custom, a large portion of the visitors were centered around the lady of the hour and husband to be; right?

A basic botanical bundle can be effortlessly organized from blossoms out of a nursery with the stems enveloped by a strip that supplements or matches the lady of the hour's outfit. At the point when you throw the marriage bunch before you leave the gathering, you will throw out a really close to home token of your wedding and not one that was extremely valued.

Any blossoms left over can be dispersed in the lady's hair to make her much more wonderful as she strolls down the passageway.

The Wedding Cake

There's bunches of convention around the wedding cake, including sparing a piece to be eaten on the main commemoration of the wedding. The top layer of the cake is typically set aside before the cake is sliced and solidified to safeguard it. A few cooks have been making a top layer that is a light nut cake. It freezes well and defrosts better a year later.

Wedding cake history can be followed as far back at the Roman Realm and the conventions have experienced such a significant number of changes among from time to time that there is no examination.

The present "conventional" wedding cake practices can be anything the couple needs them to be. Some have relinquished the white wedding cake and subbed icing hues and enrichments that mirror the lady of the hour's decision of

[helenaklein]

take me to your river

The steady trickle of the river creates a gentle melody that accompanies your afternoon. There’s a lightness to the air today, as if the world itself is breathing easier than it has in far too long. Your world certainly is.

Helena’s back rests against a tree on the water’s edge, and her fingers weave loose braids through your hair as your head lie in her lap. You’ve been dozing in and out of consciousness for at least an hour, basking in the simple luxury of your wife’s company. More than once, you wake to the sound of rustling leaves and the sight of slow movement in the branches above you, growing spontaneously to provide continual shade from the sun’s glow. Mirth lights up her entire face each time you catch her; her disbelief and her confidence providing a uniquely endearing combination you can’t get enough of.

You and Helena have yet to leave for any sort of honeymoon, but moments like these provide such a stark contrast to your life together thus far that you can’t imagine time even more rejuvenating.

You crack your eyes open just slightly when her hands still. Helena stares out towards the water, looking thoughtful but lacking the telltale crease on her brow she gets when something’s troubling her.

“What’s on your mind?”

There’s no surprised reaction to your question, only a small smile at the unspoken familiarity you’ve cultivated together.

“Much.”

“Well,” you sit up to reposition yourself further in her lap, her arms immediately wrapping around your waist to pull you closer, “I think we’ve got time.”

Helena hums appreciatively and presses a lingering kiss against your cheek. The warmth of her lips against your skin persists even as she begins to speak.

“Do you remember our first riverside venture?”

You recall the day fondly. 

Those were such fraught times. So much was uncertain. Helena herself was different then, the cloud of hurt and regret that surrounded her so palpable it could have easily created insurmountable distance between you. But it didn’t.

Instead, moments like that trip to the river were a window into a gentler life, a glimpse at the woman she could become.

Your chest tightens at the memory of all you’ve gone through to get here. You wrap your arms around Helena’s neck and hold tight to what you fought for.

“When I pushed you into the water? How could I forget?”

Helena’s laughter comes unrestrained now. You think it might be your favorite change.

“I returned your dirty trick in kind.”

“It ended pretty well for both of us, I think.”

She reaches for your hand and brushes her lips lightly against your wedding ring, “I agree.”

You steal a kiss in the silence that follows. Because you can’t help it. Because she made you blush. Because Helena is your wife and because you’ve found the kind of love most people can only fantasize about.

“I asked you something that day.”

The words tumble from your mouth ungracefully, summoned from the same place of uncertainty they were conjured all that time ago, “‘What am I to do with peace?’”

Her eyes seek something distant out across the water as she nods. “It was difficult to picture myself in the life that comes after war. Growth and repair felt so foreign, so distant to what I knew of my soul. Even now, I find myself asking the same question: what am I to do with peace? There are so many possibilities before us. I struggle to envision what choice is best.” 

“It doesn’t have to be the best choice, you know. Maybe peace is more complex than that.”

The notion seems to strike her deeply, and she looks back out towards something you can’t reach.

“Is this about Chicago?”

Despite her previous insistence on the decision to move after the wedding, the commitment had yet to be followed through in any meaningful way. The two of you went as far as escorting Sophie home before stepping right back through the portal because Helena had told Altea she’d help transport her to potential locations for the future school of magic, and didn’t want to go back on her word. So many things have come up and postponed the move that you’ve begun to consider that Helena may be doing it deliberately.

You haven’t asked about it until now, figuring her reasons justifiable and her faith in you strong enough to share them when she’s ready. In truth, you don’t mind the delay, grateful for the opportunity to mull over the logistics on how the hell to make any of it work. The more you think about it, the more anxious you get. 

You have to go back to work, first of all. Which means job hunting and the whole host of inferiority issues that’s inevitably going to dredge up. You’ll need to find something that will let you work from home, as you aren’t keen on the idea of leaving Helena alone all day in a world she doesn’t know, and something for her to do in general that won’t ask for any identification. And, perhaps most complicated of all, you need to figure out a way to divert the attention that sharing a face with a dead, beloved celebrity will draw to her without asking Helena to disguise herself again.

It’s been a head-ache inducing process, to say the least, and you’ve barely had time to consider some of the pressing emotional concerns you have about any of it.

Helena seemed so sure when she talked about this move before that you haven’t really had the heart to bring up how complicated it’s going to be. You would do absolutely anything to secure her comfort and happiness, even hop dimensions and steal an identity for her. But still, the situation is more stressful than you’ve let on.

“Your world is a wondrous place. Its creativity and progress excites me. In many ways, it is the perfect answer to what I have craved for the majority of my life. Escape. Freedom. A new beginning. A chance to start my life fresh.” Helena smiles as she speaks, her blue eyes locked onto an imagined future. “If you had asked me two seasons ago where I wanted to spend my life, I am sure a place like Chicago would have been my choice, without question or second thought.”

“And now?”

“Now… it is as if I turn to what it represents to me on reflex, or out of habit,” Her gaze drops down and shame darkens her features before she shakes herself from it and meets your eyes directly, “but it has been quite some time since I have let the instinct to preserve myself rule my actions.”

“You said you feared people never letting go of your past.”

Helena repositions you slightly to better face you. You straddle her lap and catch both of her hands in yours.

“Yesterday, I met a farmer living in countryside surrounding Reiner’s castle who had been struggling to attain crop yields comparable to what he managed before the Witch Queen’s army occupied his land. What little actually took root molded by harvest time. I found him reduced to tears, clutching his ruined crop in his fists and kneeling in the dirt. He feared destitution for his family and starvation for his child, a little girl named Maya who just lost her first tooth. He thought himself a failure, and assumed that he was doing something wrong. But the land itself was cursed. I could sense the poison embedded within the soil the moment my palm touched the ground,” her words come more quickly as the story progresses, betraying her agitation at what this stranger endured. “She sabotaged his entire livelihood for no reason other than that she could, that it brought her pleasure to know he and all those that depended on him would suffer.”

You squeeze Helena’s hands in an offer of strength when you feel them start to tremble in your own, “breathe, Helena.”

She takes the suggestion immediately, clenching her eyes shut and giving herself a minute to get her breath under control. When her trembling ceases, Helena opens her eyes and continues, voice noticeably steadier.

“I offered my assistance to him. He was distrustful of magic after having seen the destruction it wrought so close to his home, and skeptical that anything could mend the damage after he had tried so hard to fix it. But he had nothing left to lose, and said as much before allowing me to help. I lanced her poison from the farmer’s field with ease. The look of wonder on his face as the crops still clutched in his hands were restored to perfect health, and that I could so effortlessly erase the evidence of her wickedness… it made my heart soar.” 

The memory puts a note of awe into her voice, her smile lights up her entire face, and you could swear the shade you rest under brightens with the grace of her happiness. You know how much it means to Helena that she’s learned how to help others with her magic. She’s formed a better relationship with herself as a result of it, with the knowledge that she is so much more than her capacity for destruction. 

Her smile fades before she begins speaking again, “there are other stories like that farmer’s. People whose lives have yet to return to sustainable conditions, let alone something resembling normalcy. Many whose homes were consumed by flames and whose possessions were seized by her soldiers, who are still in search of family members unaccounted for, whose minds and bodies are gravely wounded and continue to live without respite. The Witch Queen is dead, but her touch upon this world lingers.”

The statement would make you worry about her if not for the hard-set determination that settles across Helena’s features.

“I do fear what my reputation in this land will be. But should the burden of that fear fall upon the shoulders of those whose resentment is just? Should I extend no offer of help to people in need on the chance that they may dislike me? Is it not the worst of crimes to have great power to make change, and choose instead to do nothing?”

Helena’s voice carries the same sort of impassioned delivery she used to rouse the army to stand with her as she brought back the sun. You can’t help but burn with pride and an immediate desire to do something, armed with the knowledge that her cause is inspired and righteous.

“I have more magic at my fingertips than has ever been thought possible in our recorded history.” She pulls one of her hands from yours, holding it outwards and summoning an amorphous ball of energy to demonstrate. 

Particles of magic dance around one another, a glowing light show contained at the palm of her hand. What she holds then disperses outwards, and when Helena gestures around you, you’re caught breathless at the sight. The flow of the river has ceased altogether, fallen leaves and stones previously strewn across the forest floor levitate seamlessly in the air for as far as you can see. She holds it only for a moment, before dismissing the spell with a slight wave, and shows no sign of strain at the exhibit, if she feels any at all.

“Some of this magic was hers, once. She wielded it mercilessly against the people of this world, used it to impose her will over my body and mind until I thought of nothing but her and how to make the pain stop. I see no greater act of reclamation than my use of that same power to ease some of the destruction she wrought.”

“Are you saying you want to stay here, Helena?”

“As a child this world wounded me in ways unspeakable, and for too much of my adult life I wounded it just the same. But… perhaps there remains a way to amend some of the damage inflicted on both sides.”

“I just want to be sure you’re not trying to make a martyr of yourself in endless pursuit of everyone’s approval.”

Helena releases a hum of recognition at that, and turns her eyes towards the river once more. The sounds of the forest fill the lull in conversation between you. You’re grateful that she takes the time to consider your words, and are happy to grant her however long she needs to take stock of her feelings on the matter.

A chill settles in the air as the sun begins to fall. You tuck your face into the crevice between her neck and shoulder, seeking her warmth as much as you are protecting her with your own. Her arms come around you, pulling you close enough to feel her heartbeat against your chest.

You can hear her smile when she speaks next. 

“There is still so much beauty here. I notice more of it every day. In our view of the sunrise over the village from our balcony. In evening meals spent among our friends, getting our fill of laughter and hot food in equal measure. In the songs the village people sing together while working towards a common goal. In the jovial eyes of children who will grow up without fear. In… in the way Ishara and Asta embrace me as their own. In the dreams and aspirations of all around us certain that there is a future to plan for, and in the knowledge that this is the world that brought our hearts together. This world. She tried to crush it underfoot but kindness and hope yet lives. I see it and I can feel it take hold in my soul, and I know with certainty that this world and I are the same.”

Helena is beaming when you pull away to look her in the eye, and you can’t help but match her smile.

“I wish to stay, my love, if you are amenable to the idea. No thoughts on the matter mean more to me than yours.”

Pride and relief overtake you. The way Helena has grown since you met her still brings tears to your eyes. It may not be a fresh start, or a new beginning, but it feels no less important, no less significant, and no less a marker of positive change. 

“I wasn’t exactly looking forward to getting back to the daily office grind, to be honest. I’d be happy to stay, Helena.”

“Truly?”

“You’re here, aren’t you? And so are our friends. That’s all I need, in the end.” The people you’ve met in this world have filled your days with meaning in a way nothing else in Chicago ever has. Sophie is the only thing from your world you’ve ever been sad to let go of, though you know her place in your life will persist regardless of the dimensions between you. “Maybe it doesn’t make sense, with everything bad that’s happened. But it’s like you said, there’s a lot of good here too. I don’t think there is anywhere, in any world, without both. And we can help make more good. We can be happy here, I’m sure of it.”

Helena’s lips meet yours in a kiss that tastes of excitement and invigorated purpose. 

Your life together was never going to be easy, or simple. To ask for either of a woman like Helena is to deny who she is fundamentally, and ignore the long path she’s walked to become the person she is now. In place of what’s easy, you have what’s brave. It may be scary, and ugly at times, but it’s enough to know that neither of you will ever stop trying for your happiness together, the betterment of all that surrounds you, and the sort of self-improvement that can only be found by embracing challenges head-on.

“If my past catches up to me someday, I welcome it, so long as I have this moment, and the hope of another in the peace we will build together.”

The words ring in your ears. You love their sound, saying them back to yourself over and over as the truth of them resonates deep within your chest.

The peace we will build together.

That’s where you find the answer to Helena’s question. 

Nothing is to be done with peace, because peace itself is what must be done. 

Peace is what you build, not where you arrive at. It is not the hard-earned destination at the end of a long journey. It is not something you can chase, or hope to someday simply find, as neatly wrapped a resolution as that would be. It is the work you put in, the way you try, a purpose you dedicate yourself towards in ensuring tomorrow is better than yesterday.

As you walk back home hand in hand with Helena along the river, you know you aren’t taking your first steps towards a picturesque happy ending.

But together you will make tomorrow better than yesterday.

[adamatomic]

Design of Doom Eternal

Wanted to jot down some thoughts while they were still fresh, and I hate writing threads on Twitter, so, here we are.

(Surprise! Male game designer has DOOM OPINIONS. BEHOLD LOL)

First, disclaimers: what follows is super subjective, pretty picky, and likely unjustified. I love a good mobility shooter - Doom 2016 and Titanfall 2 are the only western shooters I really enjoy, and each do super interesting things spatially, mechanically, etc. However, I’ve never worked on any kind of FPS type of game, and never worked on a AAA game, nor shipped a game during a global pandemic, and there’s a lot that I don’t understand about what goes into making this kind of thing, much less how it’s even possible. Making a followup to a well-loved and hugely successful game is also a terrifying prospect. Finally, I am about to "dwell” on what I perceive to be “negative” things about the game, which is pretty unfair, because there’s a LOT of positives (it’s fun, it’s gorgeous, the load times are crazy short, the vistas slay again, amazing accessibility options, perfect audio, etc etc). But I think this is a game where a lot of the positives are really in your face, and what again I personally perceive to be the negatives are a little bit harder to put your finger on. And this isn’t a review, and definitely isn’t yucking anyone’s yums. This is me trying to figure out why this one feels a bit different to play. Hopefully the unanimously positive reception of the game by literally everyone everywhere (including myself) balances out whatever acid might be in these queries.

OK!

Jungle Gyms Versus Canyons

Ok, so. Doom Eternal is structured a lot like 2016 in that it’s corridors linking big wave-based arenas, which is a good structure for a game about shooting all the things. Arenas can be flat-ish or tall-ish. Tall-ish arenas seem to roughly come in two flavors: jungle gyms, and canyons. Jungle gym arenas are the ones that I feel like took centerstage in the marketing and gameplay of Doom 2016, as a way of showing off the double-jump / ledge grab / launchpad vertical mobility stuff, and because they make narrative / thematic sense in the human-built oil rig environments that comprise much of Doom 2016′s level architecture. Jungle gyms are distinguished somewhat from canyons by generally having what feel like distinct “floors”, or solid planes creating multiple separated levels of combat. Canyons, even if they have some transverse traversal elements, are more open and chaotic, with less concrete divisions between elevations. I’m belaboring this essential difference because it has a bunch of second-order effects on gameplay - jungle gyms allow you to jump from skirmish to skirmish, you can use your mobility options to “interrupt” combat, while canyons are more continuous. Jungle gyms usually have more obstacles (like the aforementioned distinct floors) which make it slightly harder for long range enemy attacks to land, which reduces the overall ambient damage-soak.

The key thing about all these arenas - flat open spaces, distinct jungle gym environments, and canyon style playgrounds - is that you definitely want all of them in your game, because the strategy and tactics for playing these fights changes a lot based on these constraints. When do you want a roof over your head? When do you not? When do you want your back to a wall? These are valid and important differences for these games specifically, especially when basic resource management strategies in these encounters is pretty similar, and because the enemy behaviors and attacks have so much variety.

So far, though, Doom Eternal feels like it has a WHOLE LOT of canyons, and NOT a whole lot of jungle gyms. It’s possible that this changes later in the game, so take all this with a big grain of salt. But the first 3-4 hours of gameplay are really dominated by canyon-style vertical arenas, which isn’t necessarily ideal in terms of variety (and makes you angst a little harder for the wall-run affordances of other mobility shooters). They also tend to be slightly same-y, outdoor, rocky environments, versus the more oil rig-inspired, recognizably human-scale mining structures of 2016 (I’m sure this changes later in the game too). The oil rig-inspired stuff also lends itself to jungle gyms a lot more naturally, so I feel like these choices of arena shapes and environment types are kind of an interconnected and difficult problem.

None of this would really even qualify as a problem, either - this is nitpicking nitpicks, at this point - except relying on canyons so much exacerbates some of the “fussiness” of the combat changes (those are next). For me, anyways - I’m not sure anyone else is feeling like these are problems haha. And it’s a big game, so I’m not sure how much this stuff changes across the whole campaign yet!

Tactical Ballistics

A Doom thing I adored in 2016 and am continuing to enjoy in Eternal is the way ammo, health, and other arcade-style upgrades are thoughtfully placed around the arenas. It’s a nod to the strongest parts of Vanquish’s level design, and goes all the way back to using coins in Super Mario to lure players out to new places they might not explore otherwise. It’s a huge part of what gives the nu-Doom arenas their “chess-like” feel, and shifts the fights away from Serious Sam-style battles and makes them into four-dimensional puzzles. 2016 doubles down on this tactical approach by leveraging a kind of resource triangle of chainsaw kills, glory kills, and just plain firefights.

A lot of Eternal’s design seems committed to upping the ante on all of these strengths. Lower ammo capacities puts more pressure on the chainsaw kills. There’s a new technique called “flame belch” that turns the resource triangle into a resource square to accommodate armor. Monsters have “weak points” now, shortcuts that change their behavior or get you fast glory kills. It’s a pretty compelling jigsaw puzzle of abilities.

It also places a lot of strain on player attention and cognition, because all this is running on top of straight-up arena-wave firefights (with 7+ enemy types at a time, all with unique behaviors and optimal strats) AND beefy mobility controls (swinging, dashing, double-jumps, ledge grabs, launch pads, etc). It’s kind of a lot. But I don’t think this is necessarily the place for saying “this is DOOM, man, you got to keep it simple, just shoot the monsters, how come there’s even upgrades” or whatever. For so many reasons, but the primary of which is that most of this stuff rules, and throwing it away would suck. So what do you do?

I want to focus on two small, specific things that really stand out to me - I’m not totally sure that they’re actually “bad”, but I think they have a lot of weird secondary and tertiary effects that contribute to some perceptions of “fussiness” in some of the battles.

Weak Points

This is a big enough change that it is repeatedly tutorialized through video on every loading screen, after every game over, and after every new enemy is introduced... so I know it was on the designers’ radar haha. And it's an interesting addition - chess fights in Doom are already about hierarchies, and adding another tiny hierarchy within an existing hierarchy is a NICE bit of tension to add, it gives a kind of scrambly feeling that is good overall. The issue for me arises from an apparent or perceived damage scaling issue around these weak points. For example, the optional sniper rifle upgrade to the heavy cannon and the optional sticky bombs upgrade to the shotgun insta-wreck the arachnotron and revenant enemies’ weak points, while sustained plasma rifle fire doesn’t seem to ever do the job. Which makes sense on paper - this is a nice way of putting pressure on the player’s weapon choices and ammo, which is what it’s all about. Although I guess you could argue that it’s also all about movement, and that this particular combat pressure has a pretty tenuous relationship with mobility in general.

Either way, it means you spend a lot of time squinting at your weapon wheel mid-battle to see how many shots your shotgun still has, because you ran out of chainsaw fuel a while ago, and are still being actively bombarded at a pretty long distance (because its a canyon and not a jungle gym). I know, I need to git gud, trust me, i KNOW. But check out the weapon wheel ammo display size in Doom 2016 versus Doom Eternal:

I love the new color scheme and ammo icons in Eternal! But it’s 3-4x harder to read the actual, very important ammo counts.

All these small changes add up to something that feels like a pretty different gameplay experience compared to the more spatial (read: movement-based) and literally easier-to-read resource management stuff from 2016. Which, it’s a sequel - failing to sufficiently differentiate it is its own huge risk. And, to be fair, 2016 had its fair share of fussy (though more legible) weapon switching. But when you add this stuff up, the matrix of considerations in moment-to-moment combat in Eternal is pretty different from 2016, and I think it largely comes down to the damage scaling around the weak points. While you can technically choose to play through battles without leveraging weakpoints (thus sidestepping most of these cascading issues), this approach is heavily incentivized by the major behavior changes that happen after you hit weak points (in addition to the constant tutorializing) and the waves appear to have been balanced around taking advantage of these things. Whether or not these are even flaws, technically, whatever they are is exacerbated by the UI design of the weapon wheel AND the relatively popularity of the relatively unobscured canyon arenas. So it’s hard for me to judge weak point damage scaling in a vacuum.

Overall, these new combat options make the arenas feel more constrained and more prescribed. Design is a nightmare this way: sometimes by giving people more choices, you’re actually giving them less. My pitch for a small tweak that might engage with some of these issues would be to keep weak points, but get rid of the damage scaling and maybe make the hitboxes a little bigger. The goal here is NOT to make weak point enemies easier so much as to open up options about what weapons you can use against them, thereby reducing wheel squinting, thereby freeing up more attention to movement and all the other stuff that ruuuules about nu-Doom in general.

Also, I should clarify that it’s entirely possible that I completely imagined the weak point damage scaling, and am a big dummy with bad aim.

Flame Belch

This is a pretty small thing, there’s this new “flame belch” move, intended to complement the existing chainsaw and glory kill moves as a way of “farming” resources from combat, one of the things that really defined Doom 2016. It differs in one huge way though, in that it has to be committed to BEFORE killing a monster. Chainsaws and glory kills ARE kills. Flame belch adds a status instead, which is “cashed in” later when you do the kill. If chainsaw kills and glory kills and BFG shots are Super Mario jumps, Flame Belch is more like a Tony Hawk jump - it starts early and is carefully calculated. Which is pretty dope!! But in this environment where weak point damage scaling and canyon layouts are already putting huge strains on the player’s attention, it feels like a big ask. The “triangle button” mechanic from 2016, the BFG, was a kill move with cool-down, so really I’m just suggesting stuff they already tried anyways. There’s no way this is news to anybody, much less the developers haha.

But... I would love to play a build where flame belch was totally a thing, just it was a finishing move, not a status thing. Let it plug into that reload-replacing resource-farming punctuation pacing flow. That shit rules.

Of course, I have to wonder what the unintended secondary and tertiary consequences of these suggestions would be. Good action games are often tenuous and deeply interconnected things where results are really hard to predict. Maybe they already tried these ideas and they sucked, or they know their own game a lot better than I do, and have a big stack of reasons this stuff would suck for most of their player base.

But wait...

Where The Hell Am I?

Last section, I promise.

I am extremely not going to weigh in on whether or not Doom games need “Story” or not, or what that even means.

But...

If you are driving a monster truck, it is probably pretty fun to see a big line of cars in front of you, and know that you are about to drive all over those cars, and that at the end is a really big fancy car... and you are going to drive over that too.

The general conceit of Doom 2016, that you are on one end of a Mars base, and you need to get to the other end, and in between is a whole lot of cars demons, is a good one. It has good monster truck-ness.

So far this is something that I’m struggling to extract from Eternal. I’m not really sure who any of these grumpy folks are, or where it is that they are, or why I am going down this corridor (aside from the very Doom-like fact that it is the only corridor around).

The problem for me is decidedly NOT that I don’t understand the slayer’s emotional whatever, or that I haven’t been painstakingly expositioned into the specific hierarchies of the demon universe, or anything that I think would normally be described as a “narrative”. For me, it’s that I don’t get to sort of soak in the anticipation of the loooong line of cars I’m about to crunch.

Does Doom need a story? Idk. Doom might need a lot of about-to-get-crushed cars though.

Finally finally finally, and this is highly subjective, but I think the slayer is just more fun when he’s an X factor or a rogue agent. NPCs recognizing the slayer feels sort of weird to me? The feeling that he is a fly in the ointment I think is stronger and sexier when he’s like... outside the canon, almost. I’m not totally convinced that having him Kratos around is as fun as having a bunch of demons and priests both confused and terrified of what this dude is doing.

OK

I need to get back to family stuff. They let me sit here and type this out, which was very kind of them. Only five tantrums so far. Either way, I’m looking very forward to playing more Doom Eternal...

...just as soon as I finish designing 17 more shirts in ACNH.

Hope everyone’s staying home and staying safe! Rip and tear, friends. Rip and tear <3

[flying-elliska]

Elu feelings

I cope by writing meta, so expect a lot of it this weekend. I think I’m going to be processing s3 for a long time tbh.  I feel like all ships have a few core emotions they run on, you know ? 

The first one I can think for Eliott and Lucas is relief. Like look at them after their first kiss, hugging and laughing. It’s like this big stormcloud of tension that has just broken into rain over their heads and is now watering their crops. Relief because they’ve both been lonely for a long time and they just found each other and it’s downright miraculous.

 It’s that corniest of corny tropes, love at first sight, except for them it really works, because they show us time and time again how perfectly they fit together. They both want something committed and deep, they’ve got artistic sensibilities, they’ve been hurt a lot by life but still want to believe, they’re both so passionate. Eliott’s romantic playfulness manages to reach beyond Lucas’ walls, Lucas’ fierce devotion is able to reach through Eliott’s pessimism and self-hate. They can be themselves together after a lifetime of hiding. Eliott gives Lucas signs that it’s okay to be goofy, and Lucas shows appreciation for it. During the piano scene, Eliott looks at Lucas like water in the desert. And Lucas just blossoms as soon as he doesn’t have to bother with shallow, bullshit pretend relationships anymore. I don’t like the ‘we complete each other trope’ usually, but those two, they really do. They went on their own journey but it’s really like something wasn’t right with the universe until they got together. And look at how relieved they are to see each other again after being pulled apart. The minute by minute becomes that too in the end, as does the parallel universe metaphor - there could be so many ways and so much time for them to be apart, and they’re going to make damn sure they never have to be apart again. It’s fragile and it’s beautiful and it’s the most right thing ever. They just fit. 

The second one is...probably yearning, working along with the first one. They’re both just so needy. Eliott is in general ‘a lover of all things’ (like Maxence said) - and as shown through the Polaris video, he desperately wants a true soul connection, something that goes beyond appearances, beyond fears. He puts that film out in the world like a message in a bottle. He doesn’t get funding, but it does reach the one person it needed to. The story could be hella sappy and it would fit the whole artsy teenager with too many feelings thing, but it’s just so earnest. He’s terrified of ‘the dark’ (ie his issues with mental illness) and what it would do to people around him, and yet he’s still willing to take his deepest, most desperate desire and put it into the palm of the world. There’s something so brave about that. And Lucas ?  He starts out as disconnected and adrift, pretends to be tough and a player but scratch the surface even once and wow. The way he clings to his mask speaks of his fear of being left alone. And the way he just opens up to Eliott so fast - he’s been looking for that forever, really. Someone to really see him, and see that need. The way things went in his family probably hurt him so deeply because under his grumpy façade, Lucas strikes me as someone incredibly loyal and caring, and what his father did probably shook a lot of his core beliefs. Because of this and his internalized homophobia, he took on a ‘feelings make you weak’ demeanour. So it’s so important that him and Eliott made it through - it allows him to believe in love again, that he is worthy of being loved, it’s some deeply existential shit. (even though the part with his friends was also crucial.) And it’s why it never seems rushed that they move so quickly. It’s really like a spark comes and starts a wildfire in a few moments because everything was ready for it already. I would buy them moving in together, for real. Obviously they might have issues down the road because of this. Lucas’ abandonment issues and Eliott’s troubled self-image and issues linked to bipolar are not going to just vanish overnight. They just care and want this so much they might rush into things. But you really believe they’re going to pull through and spend the rest of their lives together, anyway. 

I’m also thinking of faith. That’s the whole point of the Remember montage. The beginning of their relationship is really messy. Eliott cheats on his gf and bails on him and sends him all sorts of mixed signals, Lucas says some really ignorant things about mental illness and pretends to be into girls and uses Chloé and says mean things about him to his friends. Lucas is forcibly outed, then there’s the whole houseboat which might have been very traumatic for the both of them - someone else in their shoes might have said, this is too much for me, and they might not have been entirely unjustified. I feel one important aspect of this pairing is that you’re never entirely sure they’re going to end up together. Sure, they’re perfect for each other, but their issues interact in ways that mean they’re uniquely suited to hurt each other as well. When you look at Lucas’ past, Eliott on paper really isn’t an ideal partner. Lucas too can be sharp and mean and reckless, or he can go overboard when he cares about something. They’re both very aware as it develops that this could end up being dangerous for them, that they could wreck each other. This version of the story just has so much more tension and uncertainty than the other remakes, for some reason - maybe because Lucas is more isolated, or Eliott is less cool on the surface than Even, or maybe it’s down to technical choices too. The amount of feelings between is overwhelming right from the start, it’s like, it could easily become too much. And then there’s the whole stigma from society thing. And of course, love, between anyone, remains one of the most terrifying things in life, because of the trust and openness and vulnerability it demands. So faith is important, because it implies making a bet that things will turn out alright in the end. It’s about compassion and moving on from the past but also learning from it. And choosing to put the positive possibilities above the negatives. They choose to have faith in themselves, too, when they choose the relationship. That they’re going to figure it out, be better at communicating. The church montage makes a lot of parallels between religious faith and love, as being a refuge in times of sorrow, something true and sure when everything is uncertain.  It should be the meaning of ‘christ-like’ love. And this is not about Lucas being some sort of savior figure for Eliott in spite of his ‘flaw’ - it’s for himself too, that compassion and that faith. That he can be better than his father. That he recognizes the faith Eliott put in him by telling him about Polaris - now he probably understand fully what it means, that Eliott was telling him he was stuck in that darkness too, that he gave Lucas this key because he had faith in Lucas’ capacity to love. It’s about people’s faith deserving to be rewarded in kind.  It’s so beautiful, I want to cry.

And last but not least - tenderness. If I had to pick only one, it would be this one. And it’s not (only) about them being so cuddly and prone to PDA as soon as they get together, it’s a much deeper thing. It’s like they look at each other and go ‘hello, your soul is beautiful and belongs with mine, let me make some room for you’. It’s in the way they approach each other - Lucas makes the first move, then Eliott shows his interest in a way that is ‘chelou’ enough to signal something more is going on - repeats his name only for him - but never pushy. It’s the entirety of the piano scene, and the way they keep unveiling little bits of who they truly are to each other - Eliott’s wacky music and moves are incredibly important for that, and so is Lucas’ playing - it’s them creating a space for each other saying, look you’re safe with me, I am weird and intense and passionate and artistic and I know you are too. It’s that conversation as they walk home, the carefully worded sentences where they’re pushing each other towards the conclusion of ‘not necessarily a girl’. And it’s of course the first kiss - Eliott pushing at Lucas enough to show him how much he cares and get past his walls, but letting him do the first move. And Lucas letting Eliott know he has seen Polaris. And obviously the entirety of Samedi 9 : 17. Lucas knowing what to say to reach Eliott, his emotional intelligence. Eliott’s little drawings, and his romantic gestures that show Lucas he deserves a grand love story. Lucas taking care of Eliott after his episode, the croissants and the flowers and the meals. The playfulness, the care, the attention. They want to help each other be as free and happy as they could be, they care so much about each other’s developpment ? The way they’re constantly checking in with each other - minute by minute, and the reciprocity of the bus stop scene - Eliott knowing how to use it to soothe Lucas’ fears as well, showing the truth of the concept that they both will have difficult moments. They’ve bruised each other’s hearts, it’s heavy, but they also handle it as a privilege - it’s so much better than not being in each other’s lives. When they’re together, it has the carefree vibe of young first love, joyful and clumsy and rowdy ; but you catch glimpses of them as old souls, too, with a maturity and selflessness and depth of love that is just awe inspiring. It’s love as sanctuary and refuge, and love that opens the doors to the world. 

I’m never going to be over it tbh. 

[calleo-bricriu]

Hey there! I just found you and honestly your readings are soooo coool, may I have one about my future love life too? Will I meet someone and how will they be? Possible star sign? AND ALSO PLEASE THIS IS IMPORTANT : when i first made the sorting hat Test I was a Ravenclaw but after a couple years it started changing to gryffndor and then back to ravenclaw and I’m having the biggest identity crisis.. can you help me on this? What house am I? Hope this is not to much..if it is just ignore me haha

Oh also i don’t know if you need this but I’m 23 male and a libra! Btw I don’t see a sign that reading are open on your blog and got a bit ahead of myself so if they’re closed right now I’m very sorry, I mean no offense! Thank you anyways and have a great day! :)

Oh, I just do these for fun.

That said, your house is not an identity nor is it any sort of useful personality trait; once you're not at school any longer it's 100% irrelevant.

Star signs are also not a personality trait nor are they relevant to any aspect of your life (that's just something people use to try and excuse poor behaviour on their part; you didn't do the thing because you're a Gemini or a Scorpio or an Ares or any other sign, you did it because you were being inconsiderate and not thinking your actions or words through; you're not incompatible with someone because of their sign either, you're incompatible with them due to basic personality conflicts or conflicting wants/needs out of a relationship), they're just little tidbits of facts and have no actual influence or impact on anything.

If you're referring to 'quizzes' that tell you what house you ought to be in, I'd invite you to read up on confirmation bias. That applies to thinking you're a certain way because of your star sign; confirmation bias will give you that truth because you want it to be the truth,

Those are designed to be easily manipulated to give the answers the person taking them wants based on their mood at the time; I can guarantee you I could take any one and get a different result based on my mood at the time of taking them.

Do not base any part of your identity around a house at a school or your zodiac sign, it doesn't make you somehow more interesting or desirable; if anything, it's a red flag that indicates you aren't willing or capable of taking responsibility for your own actions or reactions.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably getting paid to tell you otherwise.

Remember: If you're paying them, they'll want to keep you as a repeat customer and will likely tell you what they know you want to hear.

In this case, what you want to hear is that you'll meet your soulmate soon and that you're definitely Ravenclaw.

I doubt the latter given your belief that it matters in the slightest and, as I'm not getting paid, I couldn't possibly care less whether or not you'll meet someone, what they'll be like, or their star sign (which is, of course, completely irrelevant).

Just to give an example, from what you said in these I already know several things about you and, were you paying me, would be able to easily tailor a reading to play into exactly what you want to hear.

Things that were made clear by information you voluntarily offered:

- You're a bit on the insecure side. - You're a bit immature, which is indicated clearly by you being well beyond school age and borderline obsessing over your house. - You're single, obviously. - And you don't want to be.

Cards weren't necessary to give me that information, you offered it up freely, and when you're paying someone, they will absolutely tell you what you want to hear to keep you coming back as a customer.

Be extremely wary of people who make you pay to do tarot/rune/other readings; they take seconds to do and, with the information provided the customer, are extremely low effort.

At least, they are for me.

Similarly, be wary of anyone who wants you to pay for them to perform a spell or ritual for you; it likely won't do anything at all beyond a placebo effect as the rituals/spells they offer are things that you need to do yourself if you want them to benefit you and not the one casting them.

That, and if you're trying to put something negative out there, most will know how to rework it so any negative consequences they might get hit with for doing that sort of thing hit you and not them.

At any rate, the way this deck often prattles on, it spends the first few cards confirming who we're talking about, and that's what it's done here.

I was right in that little list.

You're insecure, likely have abandonment issues due to past relationships (romantic, platonic, familial, or otherwise), have a hard time trusting people, have a tendency to be overly dramatic which can and will drive people away eventually, if you have had relationships in the past you're either not over them or are still damaged from how they ended and haven't taken steps to heal and move on, and that, where relationships are concerned while you can be exciting and spontaneous, you can also be incredibly fickle and very likely aren't at a place in terms of mental health or maturity to handle a commitment.

This is where it starts to bridge out into what you asked and it starts, where the Fool left off in the paragraph above, by indicating that, for the time being, all you're likely to find are what amounts to whirlwind romances that don't last all that long.

The Nine of Wands backs that up in terms of future romance, and also goes back to mentioning that you need to deal with all of those issues above before anyone is going to be able to put up with you long term.

Six of Cups typically revolves around immaturity and occasionally an ex or someone you had wanted to have a relationship with coming back into your life.

Three of Cups backs up that, "Someone from your past returning" or a dry spell, as it were, ending.

You'll need to start working on your issues if you want anything to last, however.

Hm. The deck doesn't seem to want to move on, it's repeating itself in the sense of, "Fix your issues, even the ones you're in denial about or don't want to face." That includes fear of rejection (that would be the Two of Swords in this case).

While the Two of Cups does indicate you'll meet someone with whom you have a strong connection and mutual attraction, cards in a reading are not islands; the cards around them matter, and all of the previous cards to this one were very, very clear in that you need to get yourself together, likely via professional means, before even the most attracted to you person is going to be able to tolerate the level of insecurity, drama, and baggage you'll also bring to the table.

This isn't, "you need to love yourself" nonsense, it's, "you need to deal with your mental health, your tendency to be overly dramatic where no drama is necessary, and self esteem issues so you're on relatively stable ground."

The Ace of Wands following the Two of Cups is a fairly blunt statement to forget any fear of rejection and let the other person know you're interested. If you sit around waiting for someone to just turn up for you, you're probably going to be waiting for a very long time as reality just doesn't work that way very often.

And it's finally moved on to the second bit you were asking about: What that person will be like.

Unfortunately for you, the old proverb "in cauda venenum" applies to this person. They'll initially come off as generous, completely devoted, doting, giving you everything you could possibly want. They'll give you all the support, stability, and positive influence you could ever ask for.

...and then they'll either get bored or get tired of having to play the part of your partner and therapist (see everything above) and leave. The  Five of Swords also has heavy connotations around abuse so it's equally possible that they were never the kind, loving person they let you think they were until they knew they had their claws firmly into you and, once they know you're too wrapped around their finger to ever leave, they'll start with slow, subtle abuse, gaslighting, making you feel like they're the only one who will ever love you, etc...of course, to the public, they'll be a loving, kind martyr who puts up with what they'll tell others is YOUR poor behaviour because they love you that much, all of which can eventually lead to physical abuse, especially if they get the feeling that you're going to try and leave.

Whichever it is, the Five of Swords in terms of relationships is never a good thing.

The star sign of this person is irrelevant, but one typically sees behaviour like that in people who take star signs far too seriously and are also Gemini, Scorpio, literally any fire sign, and Libra.

All in all,  you need to work on yourself before you start jumping into relationships in any serious capacity. If you're not already getting professional mental health help that includes therapy, start as soon as possible.

As for the House thing, again, it's entirely irrelevant, you're 23, you've not been school age for some time now. Absolutely and literally nobody cares what your house is past the time you left school. It has no bearing on identity.

Ordinarily, I'd be able to tell you that based on the deck's description of you but there is no house that has an encompassing trait of, "complete mess", so I'll see if it'll give me a little more clarity.

...and it's given me a muddled mess of repeating itself but under the pervasive traits that keep getting repeated throughout the last--however many cards I've drawn now--a recurring theme, though usually in the negative sense of holding on to things that should have been long since let go and moved on from, is loyalty to those you choose to be loyal to even when it becomes self-destructive, and hard work, primarily to avoid having to let go. Keep in mind that any positive trait can easily turn dark, as it were, when misapplied or taken to the level of obsession.

That would indicate Hufflepuff but, let's see if I can get the deck to stop twisting the knife as we've already been over enough of that.

Devoted, compassionate, caring, generous, with the Wheel and Two of Pentacles indicating that this isn't the answer you wanted, which I also could have told you because you seemed hellbent on hearing Ravenclaw or Gryffindor.

While the Page of Swords has some brief flashes of Ravenclaw traits (inquisitive, curious, etc...) as before, cards do not stand on their own in a reading and nearly everyone has those fairly generic traits.

It moves on going back to more traits that point toward Hufflepuff: Down to earth, sensible in general, a nurturing/caretaker type, loyalty, being able to easily make people feel welcome.

The Queen of Swords backs that up in both traits along the lines of being empathetic, welcoming, fair, and, when representing a person, an air sign.

Libra, as I'm sure you know, is an air sign.

Sounds like Hufflepuff to me.

[ninjasmart]

I know it’s easy to laugh at them but it’s actually kind of sad if you think about it they want to be fd either for escapism like maybe they don’t have a social life or home life or they have really low esteem. I admit I like to escape from my problems but I think maybe a healthier option for these girls that identify with fd so strongly should probably try directing that escapism into jdramas like Hana Nochi hare or webtoons like true beauty it has the sort of plot lines these girls want

Let us separate the behavior from the character of a person. The first one is a coping mechanism and the other one is offensive. Staying clear of being offensive let’s talk about escapism. 

It is a good way to escape reality where there’s something painful in your reality that you don’t like to face and you’r rather avoid it than look at it. An example is - you don’t have friends or you don’t have a boyfriend or you come from a broken family with lots of drama or you’re all on your own in the world or you don’t have enough money. You feel that you don’t have the capacity to face that reality and instead you binge watch tv or follow a celebrity’s private life falling apart in front of your life. 

Then you can say to yourself: Look, I don’t have a family but in Fuller house there’s so much love and togetherness; Look, I don’t have friends but in Sex and the City and in Friends there’s so much togetherness; Look, I don’t have a special someone in my life but boy, those Hallmark movies make me believe in love again and maybe my love will be around the corner; Look, I don’t have enough money but boy, are the people in Dynasty total nutjobs. 

Escapism allows you to nurture your wounds in a dreamland and that’s ok as long as you don’t loose touch with reality cause your own life happens in reality and this is where you need to change things if you want something else to happen to you. 

Positive examples of fulfilling your emotional needs somewhere else is art therapy or manual work at home or in the garden. Moms everywhere in the world admit more and more that me-time where they switch off from their many roles and read a book is helping them re-charge their batteries. 

Escapism on it own is not a bad thing. I personally have a mop around Mondays. I hate Mondays and how everyone must go to work and work hard so on that day I schedule a couple of hours for a complete switch off from the busyness of the week ahead and thus I have a mini Sunday on that day. 

The problem comes when you vicariously live in the alternate reality - with the tv shows, the books, the concerts, the self improvement seminars, the gossip magazines, the number of likes on facebook or instagram. What you get is the result of banging your head on the wall and hoping that there’s a door you can walk through instead. Just like with the alcoholics - the answer is not there. The answer is in going back to reality and facing it with all of its problems. It will not be pretty, it will hurt but in the end you’ll know where to start from. 

The dangerous part is to really, really want to be with someone you have never met with. There’s not that many convinced to the marrow of their bones FDs around but still. I’ll explain one more time what fancying a man who is waaay out of your orbit means. Choosing such fancies, long distance relationships, partners that are impossible loves (other faith, or race, or social standing, or different country, even continent, etc) - these are all symptoms of the same problem that the lady has. This is the problem with commitment. 

The lady chooses relationships that are doomed to fail because it’s less scary to not fully open your heart and your trust but to just know that it won’t work out. In other words it’s easier (or so it seems) to break your heart a little every time an impossible love falls apart than to open your heart fully, dive in and end up with your heart broken in a million peaces. And that’s not a girls only problem. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve even seen guys who have in their head the image of the ideal woman for them and if you’re with such guy you know that you’re competing against an impossible standard. He’ll try to mold you into the ideal one in his head but you’re doomed to never be as perfect as the one in his head. After some time the guy will dump you so that he devotes all his free time to fantasize about this ideal woman in his head with whom he has a relationship in his head while he’s spending the nights alone in his bed. 

By the way, drama sister here :) I don’t have the bandwidth for it right now or in the next 2 months but when I do, oh boy.