#and making it everyone's but hers :\ it was a great representation of survivor's guilt and the conflicting relationship an abusee has with

[light-lanterne]

what the heck have i just read,,,

guys, there are a lot of similarities between all the members of the party. they all are outcasts of some kind, they all share some general traits (hence why they became friends in the first place), and they're all going through similar experiences as a result of their involvement with the upside down and all that.

but they're all unique individuals who all have their own struggles and character arcs and none of them exist purely to give depth to the other -_- parallels exist to add layers to certain aspects of the character's stories and the overall narrative, not to reduce an entire character's journey to those similarities and then proceed to ignore everything else about them. that is such a shallow way to consume the source material we all enjoy :|

it's okei to like certain characters more, and it's okei to point out all the little hints the duffs have left woven throughout the entire show to hint towards what's going to happen next with certain individuals and plot lines,,,

just don't reduce the entirety of one main character's existence to some very specific moments and traits in order to justify or enrich someone else's arc >:\

[rpking99]

Jessica Cruz Origin and how she was fucked up for a while

Ah, Jessica Cruz. My fave Green Lantern

Okay so to start us off simple... Why do I love her? Well... As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, and has so for years, I always found her inspiring and good representation of what living with that condition can be like

She doesn't just magically get better after getting the ring. She is so scared that some days it's hard for her to leave the house

That pain hits me so hard because it is so relatable to me.

But it also shows why she is PERFECT for the Green Lanterns. Their power comes from Will, from their courage. Their ability to overcome Great Fear. And she overcomes great fear every time she gets out of bed.

Her origin though? Ironically, super complicated. Gonna go with her personal origin first before hero one.

Jessica Cruz and her friend went out camping when... They where basically caught in a slasher movie. All her friends killed. And she only survived thanks to lick

As you can guess: lots of survivors guilt and trauma from this, leading to her mental health issues

And then three months later... She was met with a magical ring

This is how she originally looked, using the code name Power Ring.

So... We all know Earth-3, correct? Evil earth. Batman is Owlman, Superman is Ultraman, Wonder Woman is Superwoman, Flash is Johnny Quick. Evil wins, everyone's the opposite of who they normally are. Going by the Crime Syndicate. We got that? We got that

Okay. So during an event called Forever Evil, the Syndicate invaded earth. Big dramatic fight. The Hal Jordon of Earth-3 died and his ring flew off to find a new user like every Lantern Ring

Now the thing of the Ring of Volthoom, the Ring Power Ring has, it that it is a parasite. It latches onto someone filled with fear and then uses that fear to control them

It found Jess... But so did the Justice League. And they all helped her. Helped her heal, supported her, helped her resist the ring

And then, eventually, she destroyed the Ring of Volthoom.... Summoning a new ring in its place

After all, what shows the ability to ober come fear more than literally shattering a parasitic ring that feeds in fear?

And she rises... As the sixth Lantern of sector 2814

And it was glorious!

What is Jessica Cruz about? Not letting trauma define you. She is about healing and true bravery. She has social anxiety, she has depression, she has self loathing. But she works had to over come it all

...

And then DC fucks or up and makes her a Yellow Lantern! Because heaven help us if we have nice things!

And the worst part for me?

I hate that she ACTUALLY LOOKS GOOD JN YELLOW!

Ugh!

Anyway. On to the Yellow Lantern thing and why THAT is bad.

So first off they turned a disabled character, as well as a character of colour, into a villain

Now. Onto the main issues

Jessica Cruz. She suffers from anxiety and depression. Social anxiety, stress issues, all this sort of stuff.

The Yellow Corps is all about GIVING INTO great fear, as well as being able to CAUSE great feed into others.

I feel like it should be super clear what the issue is here!

It's character regression, it's turning her into the type of person who slaughtered her friends, it's insulting to people with these mental health issues as it implies they should just give into them and lash out at others!

And they have Jess say that the reason she is doing this is because it is "exposure therapy"

Which... NO! NO! FUCKING NO!

Exposure therapy should only be done with a professional there in order to help pull you out when it becomes too much, as well as making sure the exposure is a gradual build. Stepping stones. Not jumping into LITERALLY ALL THE FEAR AT ONCE!

Also it is a bit dubeous on if it works with cases like Jess', classes built from trauma rather than pure paranoia/stress. But I'm not a professional and don't wanna give my opinion as fact here

Luckily she is back in green at this point of the comics but.... Yeah. It's been rocky

[sweetlullabyebye]

Decided to make a list of all the k-dramas I've seen (I'll probably forget a few of them) with a note, because why not?

I'M NOT A ROBOT: 4/10. First drama I ever watched, which is why it gets a higher note than 2/10. Never managed to finish it.

PINOCCHIO: 7/10, really liked it on the first watch, impossible to get through afterwards. Main lead was charming until I realised he wasn't that charming.

W: 6/10. I loved the idea and plot and drawings, but I got very lost towards the end. The main couple had potential but then what.

GOBLIN: 5/10. Never was able to finish it. Age gap made me uncomfy. The only reason I pushed through for a while was the side couple.

EXTRAORDINARY YOU: 9/10. Favorite drama, except for the last episode, and the fact that every male character except for Haru and Donghwa was pretty much despicable. I do recommend watching to see the mess the extras are up to (most scenes have the extras being so damn amazing). The main couple was cute.

MY ID IS GANGNAM BEAUTY: 9,5/10, has a very special place in my heart. It had important subjects and finally a female lead that feels more or less realistic. Also nasty misoginistic guys get knocked out or shamed so that's a plus.

LAWLESS LAWYERS: 10/10. Can do no wrong in my mind. It's fun, it has action, it has drama, it's nice -I probably idealize it thanks to it being the first drama I ever finished-.

MY NAME: 10/10. Yes. Exactly. Everything about it is a work of art. Strong subjects but it's handled well, in my opinion, and having a female lead in such an action-filled serie was so fucking good.

STRONG WOMAN DO BONG SOON: 8/10, very fun to watch (even with the dark parts). The main couple is cute, and even if some of the humor makes me go "eh?", most of it is nice.

WEIGHTLIFTING FAIRY: 8/10, way funnier and better than I expected, and I love the friendships in it, very light hearted overall.

OH MY VENUS: 0/10. Trash.

THE LEGEND OF THE BLUE SEA: 6/10, it almost got me screaming out of frustration. It's fun but also CAN SHE PLEASE USE HER BRAINCELLS FOR ONCE?

MY LOVE FROM THE STARS: 8/10, I keep going back to it. Comfort show so I am VERY biased. I do like to deny the last episode existed and live in a comfortable state of denial.

DESCENDANTS OF THE SUN: 6/10. Got stuck halfway, ended up watching the chinese counterpart instead.

LOVERS OF THE RED SKY: 9/10. It looked stunning, the storyline was addicting, I would sell my soul for the main lead.

HEALER: 8/10, better than I expected.

ZOMBIE DETECTIVE: 9,5/10, mindless fun, easy to watch.

RUGAL: 7/10, not bad.

LOVE WITH FLAWS: 3/10. Only watched for some representation. The main couple gave me headaches, I hated everyone except for a total of three characters. Not worth it.

WHEN THE CAMELLIA BLOOMS: 8/10, I don't really get the mystery part but the romance was cute and I really liked the main dude.

ITAEWON CLASS: 8/10, finally some representation! Plot was kind of messy but the women in it were badass and I liked the overall show.

WHERE STARS LAND: 5/10. Meh.

I REMEMBER YOU: 4/10, only watched for the brothers.

LET'S FIGHT GHOST: 8/10, fun to watch, light hearted, overall nice. The main couple was great to see interract and all.

ARE YOU HUMAN: 2/10, the relationship felt creepy.

HOTEL DEL LUNA: 9/10, this drama took my heart and smashed it like a piñata.

ANGEL'S LAST MISSION: LOVE: 6/10, I don't remember much from it, so it was quite forgettable.

THIRTY BUT SEVENTEEN: 8/10. Actually pretty good? The survivor's guilt in it was interesting to see, and I love found families. Some things did make me a bit uncomfortable (since you know... she still feels like she's seventeen).

WHERE YOUR EYES LINGER: 4/10. Not even fun to watch, honestly. Mention of the classic "who's the bottom" and shit like that made me want to disappear from existence.

K2: 7/10. Lots of Snow White references.

COLOR RUSH: 5/10. They had a light hearted (more or less) start and then... it went super angsty all of a sudden? Wtf?

DEVILISH CHARM: 5/10. Forgettable. Lol.

WATCHER: 9/10, interesting characters and plot, kept me captivated the whole time.

UNCONTROLLABLY FOND: 0/10. No.

GRACEFUL FAMILY: 4/10. Yes... but no.

JUST BETWEEN LOVERS: 9,5/10, very sweet, very comfortable in a way? It deals with trauma and family and relationships in such a way, it's pretty much an unforgettable drama for me. Loved it, loved the couple, loved the characters.

SELL YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE: 4/10. I forgot to care after the second episode.

TELL ME WHAT YOU SAW: 8/10, captivating, very much one of the mystery cops series where you know what it's going to be before you watch it, but still keeps you interested.

LIVE ON: 9/10, better than expected, sweet relationship.

THE GIRL WHO SAW SMELLS: 7/10. Never finished it. Plot made me confused and for what.

MY FELLOW CITIZENS: 4/10. Eh.

MEMORIST: 8/10. Once I got into it, it was very fun to watch.

KILL IT: 10/10, all time favorite, I really liked the vibe, the themes, the characters, the twists.

A PIECE OF YOUR MIND: 5/10. Really liked it at first (the main lead is freaking awesome) but then got more and more uncomfortable as it went.

THE TALE OF NODKU: 6/10. I remember it more fondly than it actually was.

HOMETOWN CHA-CHA: 5/10. I don't even know whether I liked it or not.

BEAUTY INSIDE: 7/10, I guess the message is good? I didn't get so attached to the romance, but it was okay to watch. And it introduced me to Lee Da Hee, so that's pretty nice.

EXTRAORDINARY ATTORNEY WOO: 8/10, likeable characters!

VINCENZO: 7/10, some of the moments were very fun to watch and some... meh. Way more brutal than I expected.

100 DAYS MY PRINCE: 4/10. Nearly unwatchable. The showrunners saw "hate at first sight" and ran with it.

SEARCH WWW: 7/10, main couple was so boring I skipped most of their scenes. Only watch for women supporting women and secondary couple.

CHOCOLATE: 3/10. Bo-ring.

EXTRACURRICULAR: 5/10, it felt like a fever dream.

BUSINESS PROPOSAL: 5/10. Not as fun as I was told it'd be. Cliché defying? Yeah right.

STRANGERS FROM HELL: 8/10. I like to forget it exists. I'm still scared of this drama after more than two years.

(There are more k-dramas but

1. I'm tired

2. I don't remember all of them)

[scripttorture]

Hi! A minor antagonist of mine survived the genocide/torture of his species (sci-fi setting) as a child. He's now a young adult and suffers from nightmares, memory problems, anxiety, etc. My worry comes from him being an antagonist who is in a position of power now and who ignores/implicitly encourages the extensive abuse/torture of someone beneath him because their people are the ones that perpetrated the genocide. Is this skirting too close to the 'torture survivors are evil' trope?

Honestly I think the best answer to this one is: how many survivor characters do you have in the story?

 Purely from a writing perspective I think that you need multiple survivors in any story focused on genocide. Because if you only have one survivor then you’ll struggle to really communicate the scale of what happened.

 I had an ask a while back about competing communities (I can’t seem to find it-) where I talked at length about how torture and genocide imply communities of abusers and communities of survivors. Because we’re talking about a scale of tens or hundreds of thousands of victims.

 So if the genocide is a big part of the background to this story then it should effect more then two characters. Because we’re not just talking about a single ‘abuser’ and a single victim here.

 Think about where you can have other effected characters and how those characters were effected.

 Are there people who got away just in time, missing the worst of it? Do they have survivors guilt? How many members of their extended families did they lose?

 Are there people with tales similar to this antagonist? How did they survive? Did they do things they regret? Conversely do they feel justified in doing what they had to in order to survive? Perhaps they don’t feel like they took any active role in their own survival. Did their families make it? Their friends? How big are the gaps in their lives?

 Were there ex-patriot or diaspora communities away from the areas the genocide took place? How has the genocide effected their politics? How many friends and relatives did they lose? Has it made their community feel stronger, more involved in each other’s growth and safety? Has it led them to open their doors to refugees and survivors of their own species? Has it led them to do the same for other vulnerable groups?

 I was reading the work of a Holocaust survivor a few weeks ago and I was struck by her observation that for survivors this was not something that ended. Yes she was freed from the death camps, yes she lived and yes she emigrated to the USA. But the experience moved with her and (from what I can remember of her words) ‘continued on the streets of Boston.’

 She spoke about how she was the last person left in her father’s line. That entire side of the family had been murdered.

 And that, that is what genocide is for survivors: the holes in their lives where other people used to be. People they loved and cherished. People they passed on the street. Strangers that they connected to however briefly.

 Holes.

 You communicate that to your readers by showing the people who are left and having them show what they lost in simple every day terms.

 When I was a child there was a section of the souk which was full of jewellers. Most of them were Yemeni. And I liked shiny things as much as the next mammal but I never paid the Yemenis much mind. They tended to sell a lot of big, gold pieces, well out of a child’s price range and I didn’t find the style particularly pretty.

 So I’d say my salaams and walk on past to the stalls that sold antiques or Afghani pieces to look at semi-precious stones I could afford.

 They were young men, the Yemenis. They were probably only a decade older then me, if that. They were probably married. They may have had young children. A lot of immigrants in Saudi come over when young and have families (whether those families are with them or ‘back home’), this holds true of my family as well.

 One day the government decided it didn’t want them any more, they changed the visa laws. It did not quite happen overnight but the Yemenis left.

 There’s been a famine in Yemen since 2016. And I wonder how many of those men who smiled and said salaam as I passed are still alive. I wonder how many of them got typhoid when the infrastructure collapsed completely. I wonder how many of their children died and how many of them will be crippled for the rest of their lived because of hunger.

 I could tell you about their neat clothes and carefully slicked back hair. I could tell you how much effort they put into their winning smiles and how they’d try to persuade my mother to stop and look even though she wore horribly unfashionable abayas. (The rich white women all wore terrible abayas as far as I can remember.)

 And that’s genocide. Seen from a remove.

 Survivors are not saints. The urge to put survivors of global atrocities up on a pedestal as if everything they do and say contains exceptional moral insight is… flawed. Surviving something awful doesn’t make people morally worse and it also doesn’t make people morally better. Acting ethically is something everyone chooses to do or not.

 I don’t think there’s anything necessarily ‘wrong’ with having a survivor be one of the bad guys in your story. They’re people and they can make bad decisions like anyone else. As long as they’re not the only survivor in the story. Because you only get that implication when you’ve got one point of representation.

 So include the community. Think about where you can work in other survivors. Think about the diversity of experience there. Think about how to communicate the scale you need to justify the term ‘genocide’.

 There are a lot of books and survivor accounts of the genocides that have occurred since the 1900s. They’re difficult reading but I think picking up a few could really help you understand the kind of scale and diversity of experience you’re aiming for.

 Mao’s Great Famine is a good one for scale but it doesn’t really focus on survivor accounts. I found that made it slightly easier reading. I still haven’t read all of We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families but it does contain interviews with people who were directly effected and people in the diaspora community. That may be helpful.

 I think Amnesty International would also be a good source here. There are currently ongoing genocides in China and Burma which you should be able to find a decent amount of information on. The effected groups are the Uighurs and the Rohingya. There are diaspora communities for both groups and interviews with multiple survivors available online.

 There are other genocides happening at the moment, but I think you’ll find the most free, English information and interviews looking at these two.

 Overall, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this scenario so long as you take steps to make sure this villain isn’t the only survivor we see. The message that abused people go on to abuse others only comes across if you have a single survivor. And I really think that your story will be deeper and richer in a lot of ways by including others.

 Survivors are people. Most of the time I say that to encourage people to remember their positive capacities: their passions and relationships. But it goes both ways.

 Survivors are people; which means we shouldn’t paint them all as saints and we shouldn’t paint them all as devils.

 I hope that helps :)

Edit: Typos, whoops. Thank you for catching that.

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[kimium]

Top five Favourite Fire Emblem Three Houses Characters :)

(From this ask HERE.)

Thank you for the ask, friend!!!! 

This was really challenging to answer so I made some rules and guidelines for myself. First, I didn’t include church characters or any noteworthy non-playable characters. Next, I also did not include any Ashen Wolves and kept it strictly to the students in the three main houses. I also didn’t include Byleth.

With that out of the way, let’s begin, starting with five. Rest is under the cut because it got long.

5. Bernadetta

I love Bernie mostly because of how she was written. Introverted characters are not uncommon in media but I find Bernadetta is written in a very three-dimensional way. Normally, I find introveted characters are defined only by their shyness. That’s it. Bernadetta is shy, yes, but she also has the tendency to over-think what others think of her and assume the worst. Most of the time it’s played for laughs (like in her support with Felix) but she also genuinely wants to befriend some people/ help them out (like in her support with Leonie). I like this because it’s a better representation (in my mind) of introverted characters. Bernadetta likes her own space, being alone, but this doesn’t mean she doesn’t want friends or doesn’t want to help out others. 

(Also Winter Bernadetta’s tome animation in Fire Emblem Heroes is Hilarious and Top Tier. I love seeing it when I use her on a team.)

4. Marianne

Marianne is my number four because I love her character development. It’s one of my favourite ones in the entire game. I love how before time skip she’s convinced that she brings bad luck to others, that she’s a burden to them and to the world but how after time skip she’s far more comfortable with herself. Sadness, depression, feeling like a burden to others are emotions I think everyone faces to some degree or the other. What I love about Marianne’s development is how she changed and became a more positive, confident person.

On a superficial note I love her pre-time skip hair design. It’s all done up in braids and I, someone who has long hair, LOVES braids and wishes I too could have my hair done up in as elaborate of a style as Marianne.

3. Dimitri

This spot was a tough one to fill but overall I pick Dimitri for it. I formed an opinion on Dimitri solely through his development through Azure Moon route. In his route he’s a fascinating look at how survivor’s guilt, depression, PTSD, anger, confusion, etc. can affect someone and how one can slowly heal with the support and love of the people around them. Dimitri ultimately in the end of his route hasn’t entirely conquered his demons but rather has found the support he needs as he continues to heal from years of bottling up his emotions.

I also ended up liking Dimitri based on his supports with the others, particularly with Dedue. I admit, loyalty is a theme with characters I always enjoy but I liked how Dimitri was firm in telling Dedue that he doesn’t want him to live ONLY for his sake. He has always viewed Dedue as his own person who can make his own choices and never once tried to order Dedue around. I think that says a lot about Dimitri as a character and that is another aspect of him I really like.

2. Felix

I debated over this spot but in the end I chose Felix. Beyond the fact that Felix in game is a great unit and has a top tier design I like Felix because of how he counters the themes found in the Blue Lions’ route. One post I read a long time ago as a joke summed up the Azure Moon route as “King Arthur with some Game of Thrones elements”. 

While that’s funny it’s also surprisingly accurate. Faerghus is a land that honours Tradition and Loyalty to the Crown. Serving the King is an unparalleled Honour and in service to the King you’re expected to give your entire life to them. We see many characters in the Blue Lions’ route display this way of thinking but none is more prominent to Felix’s life as his father, Rodrigue. Rodrigue takes his duty as the Shield to the Crown very seriously and with pride and honour.

Felix is everything his father isn’t and I find that parallel fascinating. He finds no honour in dying for someone else’s sake (Felix’s lines after Rodrigue’s death in the AM route, how if he should just throw himself on a sword for Dimitri’s sake Haunts Me) and doesn’t believe in blind loyalty to the Crown. It’s also why Felix is one of the few characters to call Dimitri out on his bottling of emotions (and BS). Not in a nice way, yes, but who else is calling Dimitri out? Who else is seeing the ugliness that Dimitri is trying to hide and recongises it as Terrifying and Unhealthy? 

I also like Felix due to his relationship with Sylvain. I have a lot of thoughts on that but this is getting long so just chalk it up right now to “My Weakness for Childhood Best Friends Turning Lovers”.

Before I get to number one I want to give a shout out to an honourable mention.

Honourable Mention: Yuri 

I can’t even begin to tell you all how much I love Yuri. He’s Exactly my kind of character. Cunning, but also cares for his loved ones. A manipulator not just because “that’s the way of the world” but also to protect those he holds dear. A Gorgeous Man who flirts which is like my entire Jam of a character. And also, he’s bisexual and I’m bisexual so I enjoy the representation. (Which speaking of I do like the bisexual characters in 3H a lot.)

1. Claude

I will admit a part of me loving Claude is how his English VA, Joe Zieja has interacted with the community and been so lovely. (Big shout out to the collab with FamilyJules where he sung God Shattering Star.)

However, beyond that, Claude is a character that grew on me as I played his route. I ended up loving his calculated nature and how his tricks and smiles are deflecting what he feels/is thinking/plotting. Yet, despite all of that he’s a positive person. Claude truly wants to make Fodlan a better place and break down the barriers between people. His goal is admirable and relatable. I also love how he too grows to love the people around him. In a way Claude at first is a person who is lonely despite being surrounded by people but that changes in his route. At first Claude was the stranger in a foreign land but thanks to his interactions with his class (and Byleth if you play his route) Claude is not alone anymore. His final lines in his route, when you take down Nemesis are actually my favourite lines in the ENTIRE game and I think sum him up as a character (and his route) perfectly.

On another side note I do like Claude because he’s an archer and I am a sucker for archers as a weapon user on whole. I also love that his name isn’t Actually his name since Fake Names are a trope I LIVE for. Finally, he also has the whole “secret identity” thing going on and coupled with the Fake Name and I’m just rolling in my favourite tropes here.

[silver-wield]

Hey so I was wondering if you did/could do an analysis on clouds various panic attacks ptsd episodes and how he responds to each one I’m interested to read your thoughts on each one since you usually bring a new perspective to the table for me so thanks for that!

All of Cloud's ptsd attacks? Damn, that's a lot of searching I've got to do. I might not find them all. I'll do my best but you'll have to let me off if I miss a couple lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

I explain Cloud's entire backstory which covers his PTSD and other issues here, so that should do for a recap right?

A further thing to note is that PTSD affects people differently and in Cloud's case it manifests as a psychological taunt in the form of Sephiroth. Embodiying his sense of failure, lack of self-esteem and self-actualisation, this version of Sephiroth is the one that Cloud reacts to the most strongly. This is the one that makes him whimper with fear and react on instinct instead of observing the situation and attacking. This is the one he fears, and it's a part of himself wearing a monster's face. Why Sephiroth? Who else has done him more harm? Sephiroth killed his mother, Tifa (so he assumes), burned his hometown to the ground and was indirectly responsible for his best friend's death, too.

And Cloud couldn't do a thing about it. He is the manifestation of everything that Cloud hates and fears about himself. Because of this, he's dissociated from much of his feelings. He still feels, but at a lesser degree than he should were he fully in touch with his real self.

Moseying on.

The first PTSD induced attack isn't actually prompted by Sephiroth himself, although he does feature in it. Cloud's first attack happens when he sees the destruction of sector 8 and buildings burning. This gives him the association of the last time he saw a burning building, which happened when his village burned. The sensory input of sights, sounds and smells prompted the memory, which combined with the high stress situation and Cloud's own latent anxiety and guilt for his part in this chaos.

You see a close up of Cloud's eye as it widens and real!Cloud's memory pushes to the forefront of his mind – remember, these memories are things SOLDIER!Cloud can't access at will, which is why they cause him pain when it happens.

Theres a static noise in the background, which is meant to convey a type of ringing in Cloud's ears and then the building's facade morphs to that of his house with the fence around it.

While much of what Sephiroth says is in line with this being a separate being from Cloud and not merely his own subconscious taunting him, there are elements of it being a combination of both. This is in line with the OG where Sephiroth was able to get in Cloud's head and make him doubt his own sense of self. With what we know of how Jenova's cells manipulate Cloud, it's believable that Sephiroth is both a separate being manipulating Cloud to his own ends and partly an aspect of Cloud's psyche that exists to push blame on him for everything. It's the representation of his mental illness that he struggles to fight.

Obviously, there's no fire, so Cloud sweating and breathless is because they're physical symptoms of his PTSD induced trauma.

Sephiroth's taunting lines about how he killed Cloud's mother are overkill when you consider the real Sephiroth's personality. The combination of the overarching Sephiroth and Cloud's PTSD version make a powerful foe that he never really beats. This is a metaphor for the fact those with mental illness are never really free. It's a lifetime battle and even if they're in recovery, that demon is just waiting for one weak moment when they can get them back in their grip.

You can hear Cloud gasp in this scene as once again Sephiroth appears to taunt him. He's not fully recovered from the last attack and now there's another right on top of it. Sephiroth appearing is once again partly Cloud's own trauma and partly the Jenova cells in him warping his perception and allowing Sephiroth to mess with him.

Unlike the time before, this Sephiroth vision is a simple taunt that Cloud is too weak to save anyone. This is his guilt and self-loathing talking about how he couldn't save his mom, Tifa or his town. It could also be hinting that he couldn't save Zack either.

The hidden implication of this scene is the fact that Sephiroth puts his hand on Aerith's shoulder. This is the only time Sephiroth touches anyone besides Cloud.

The next time Cloud has an attack is during the reactor 5 mission. This happens because of Tifa's presence drawing out the painful memory of the Nibelheim reactor where he believed she died after facing down Sephiroth.

Even in the midst of his PTSD attack he looks to Tifa. She doesn't know what's happening with him and he backs away from taking a chance to confide in her, but even during this moment when he's showing weakness he has very good eye contact with her. He's looking her directly in the eye, which he wouldn't do if he wasn't comfortable with her. This shows that Cloud sees her as a source of comfort and support.

You can see the lingering doubt on his face here after he dismisses the attack. He's not aware of what the memory means because he's not in touch with the full story – that belongs to real!Cloud kept hidden away. He knows it's left him unsettled and feeling like a failure. This is one of the few times I've seen that Cloud doesn't dismiss out of hand the content of the attacks.

Tifa repeats a phrase she said back then and Cloud's sense of failure surfaces, causing him pain and to freeze up. We get a voice over from real!Cloud referring to the time he believes he let Tifa down. Before the SOLDIER persona can get too deep into it or question what he means, Barret yells for him to focus. Cloud shakes off the paralysing feelings, but that doesn't stop Tifa asking it he's ok, which he dismisses again. This is typical of truama survivors pushing their feelings down and attempting to function without ever truly dealing with the source of their pain.

This next flash is prompted by the events during chapter 8 where the children get into trouble and Cloud has to rescue them. It echoes a similar even in his past where Tifa climbed Mt Nibel and fell, despite his best efforts to save her. She spent a week in a coma and Cloud was blamed for the incident and told to stay away from her.

The past emotions of guilt and failure mingle with the present situation to prompt a flash of pain as the memory of Tifa surfaces. It's his feelings of guilt and having failed her that cause the pain, not Tifa herself because when he says to Aerith he doesn't know how to explain he turns to the spot where he saw the vision of Tifa and smiles wistfully. This means Tifa herself doesn't cause him pain. The feelings he has about himself, do.

Chapter 13 and omg I love this freak out! I'm sorry, but this is such a great moment for Cloud and really highlights how low he is at this point. This shows the depth that we miss from him always having his SOLDIER persona taking charge. He's just lived through a tragedy. He's seen the girl he likes in pieces and trying to hold it together. He wants to comfort her. He wants to be himself, but he can't because he's just not good enough. He's feeling like a failure in more ways than one. He lost people too, goddamnit!

Then, in a misguided attempt to distract Tifa from her pain, he stumbles right into a trigger point for his own trauma. Of course he wouldn't know this. It's one of those flashes of Sephiroth ranting about his role and Jenova and shit. (I might have mistakenly said this was a future-flash somewhere, but then I remembered he does this rant right before he kills everyone in Nibelheim).

There's very little blocking to the memory. This is pretty well sealed by real!Cloud compared to his other memories. Even painful ones of Tifa have more context than this. This is something that is so damaging to Cloud's psyche that he can't even fill in the space around it.

So, we get the same kind of staticky noise we heard in chapter 2 when the vision of Sephiroth showed. Cloud gasps pretty loud here tbf. He's unguarded because of the vision and possibly his own distraction about what he's just been through. He wasn't prepared to see Sephiroth here even more than he was back in chapter 2 when he had a full on panic attack.

I mean, his pupils are seriously dilated here. Boi is scared.

Cloud's whimpering and my heart breaks for him. Sephiroth is hitting all his weakest points by bringing up failure and mentioning it's not the first time that's happened. Cloud's at a low point already, so it's not unexpected he backs away from this rather than tries to fight. This isn't SOLDIER!Cloud. This is real!Cloud. The fear has driven real!Cloud to the surface and he wants to run away, just like Sephiroth taunted back in chapter 2.

“Through suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?”

Clearly not by the look on Cloud's face. The part of him that's real!Cloud within this moment looks like he wants to scream that he's had enough of being in pain. He wants to shake his head and deny that he deserves it. What did he ever do wrong?

I feel like this is more of Cloud's own subconscious taunting him and implying that he deserves everything bad that happens to him, rather than it being the external Sephiroth manipulating Jenova's cells. He's saying Cloud secretly wants to suffer because that's all he should ever get in life. He thinks if he suffers enough pain that he'll be stronger for it, instead of the broken person that he really is. This is the type of thing people who’ve lived through trauma deal with every single day. It’s a never ending barrage of not feeling good enough and worrying that your entire existence is a bother to society. Not even just those close to you, you are a blight on the world. That Cloud’s internal trauma is so deeply rooted in this figure of Sephiroth narrows his focus and makes him project all of his fears onto him. It’s no wonder he freezes.

Now, not strictly a PTSD glitch, but it does provoke a very strong reaction from Cloud, and definitely plays into his fears, so I'm gonna include this one on the proviso it's more fear motivated.

This is the moment he sees Tifa stabbed during the VR cut scene. Sephiroth hijacked it to show them meteor, but then he also killed Tifa and then Barret. We know later on that Barret actually dies, so having seen this, Cloud may well relate back to this deep seated fear that he can't save Tifa and she'll die because of him and it'll cause further attacks. This is also a callback to the time in the reactor in Nibelheim when Tifa was stabbed by Sephiroth and Cloud couldn't save her – this ties to the PTSD flashback he had during the reactor 5 mission where he saw Tifa picking up Sephiroth's sword, so it's got precedence to cause him further trauma once he connects the dots. The fact it provokes such a strong emotional response from him – so much so that his entire face changes – I suspect that real!Cloud came out to motivate him to run to her out of the fear he'd just seen her die in front of him – again. The shock and disbelief on his face, the utter heartbreak. His expression changes from SOLDIER!Cloud to real!Cloud in less than 3 seconds. I checked. As a trigger for his trauma, Cloud's fear of losing Tifa pushes him to a lot of things he wouldn't normally do.

This is more of a memory glitch than PTSD since it's tied to the grunt recognising Cloud and calling him out on the false memories he has of being a SOLDIER. He says they went through training together and Cloud's eyes narrow as though he's trying to reconcile a truth against a lie. The truth that real!Cloud was a grunt and SOLDIER!Cloud is a fake.

There's some distress on his face here that links back to the point during the airbuster battle when he first learned about cell degradation. He knows what he believes is true isn't quite right, but he can't figure out why. SOLDIER!Cloud is unaware of the SOLDIER persona he constructed to protect his real self from further trauma. In OG when Cloud finds out – through Sephiroth’s skewed af bullshit – it causes a complete mental break, so real!Cloud's right to be wary of triggering himself because he's not in a good enough place to deal with what he's done to protect himself. He'd blame himself for being even more weak than he thought.

This is more interesting. Usually whenever anyone questions Cloud about his false identity he claims it, while also rejecting it by saying “ex-SOLDIER”, but in Hojo's case, he seems to hesitate, as though part of him knew it would be questioned and wouldn't hold up. Since Hojo's the one who did this to Cloud, it's likely the truth of what happened couldn't be kept back by the SOLDIER lies.

Pained again, Cloud turns his head away, as though he can shut out the truth. Hojo's image glitches for him and it's reminiscent of the OG moment where Cloud confronts Hojo and asks if he can be a proper experiment instead of a failed one (or something like that. I haven't played OG in like 5 years)

The trauma from what Hojo's done is quickly brushed under the carpet thanks to the arrival of the whispers. This is the second time they appear to prevent Cloud learning too much about his past too early. (Dammit, I forgot about deep ground, I'll circle back to it or I'll lose the order for my screenshots)

I'm not including the long corridor walk prompted by Jenova because that's a loading screen and also it happens not because of anything that Cloud experienced in the location, but because the outside influence of Jenova called to him. His only association with Jenova is the infusion of cells, though how he got them does set off attacks. Actually, here's a good point for the deep ground screen.

Preview of zombie Cloud for Mideel anyone? I mean, what can I say? He's totally checked out and it's scary. No wonder he doesn't wanna remember any of it if this is what he was like at the time. Imagine being so doped up with mako that you're not even you any longer? Having experiments carried out on you and god knows what else. Being stuffed in a chamber jammed full of alien dna and left to see what happens.

This is what broke him. I'd say it's similar to the faceless Squall cut scene from the end of FF8. It's chilling. No wonder he crafted an entire persona to protect himself from remembering this.

So this is the culmination of all the other attacks he's had. We get flashback elements from several that threaten to overwhelm Cloud. He's clutching his head. He's in serious pain and can't do anything. He manages to push through and ask if it's really Sephiroth. He then grabs his left arm when it begins to hurt. This is because Sephiroth is left handed. This is also the same arm that had the major infection of geostigma in AC.

Conclusion

Cloud is a messed by puppy and I ship him with therapy.

PTSD is a tricky thing to accurately show, especially in this case when it's not all totally mental illness and there are outside factors that skew how it's portrayed. Part of Sephiroth is within Cloud, though I do suspect it's more of an aspect of his own feelings of self-loating and doubt than it is actually Sephiroth. That's not to say there isn't also a genuine part of Sephiroth within these visions influencing Cloud to do what he wants, but I think it comes down to the context of the moment.

Cloud's been through a lot of shit and fronts like nothing else. He's managed to get away without any kind of vices or coping mechanisms besides this alternate persona that actually does ok in following the real!Cloud's lead when his deeper urges motivate SOLDIER!Cloud into doing things. I mean there's a point where there's a clear debate between the two about dancing for Andrea. All that back and forth eye movement and then the grimace and “fine, for Tifa” expression wasn't necessary if it was just SOLDIER!Cloud.

It's gonna be hard for Cloud to hear that he's not real in the sense that he thinks he is. It's gonna break him. We've got a preview of his scary vacant Mideel look and it's terrifying. Major props to Tifa for refusing to give up on him.

[sofyreneko]

just finished a:tla, and from someone who never got spoiled more than “zuko is redeemed” here’s my opinions, and i have a LOT to talk about:

I FREAKING LOVE SOKKA, like so much, i don’t think i’ve ever loved a character so quickly ever, and didn’t changed my mind throught the whole show, best character, usually im really picky and i change favorite characters as the show goes, and eventually settle than for one when the show ends or don’t even do that, but sokka? since moment one i loved him, and didn’t change or even doubted his place as my favorite character on the whole show, even though as i realize he was the comic relief guy, i trully felt like most of the time he held the braincell of the team.

why hadn’t i seen more of toph??? like she is pretty important since the second season and i hadn’t seen fanart of her anywhere, and missing avatar stuff when you like similar stuff is pretty hard, so why isn’t there MORE content about her? i love her, she is a big part of disabled representation, as i only saw other blind character and that was daredevil, so it saddens me that i hadn’t heard about her earlier

on the other side, im unsure about katara, i don’t hate her but i certainly don’t love her, there’s a lot of things about her character that just don’t click with me, i know she isn’t a bad person, she has really good morals but there are things like the whole revenge thing, bloodbending and stepping in the middle of the fight between zuko and azula, yikes;. there’s some things about the writing of katara missing her mom a lot while sokka barely remembers her, that felt off with me... why did katara had such a strong bond with her mom but sokka didn’t? and i understand it must have been trauma for when she was a child and survivors guilt, but some moment she felt like obsessed with it (im talking about the revenge episode) and it saddens me that she had to step in as the “mother of sokka” even though she was his sister, like i said i dont dislike her, her character is very complex and well done, but there are these very small moments where i just felt angry at her for the way she behaved and wanted to slap her into reason, and then grap her in a blanket and protect her from the world.

i felt like the firelord supreme or whatever he was called has a very bland character, zero development, the real villain was his traumatized crazy child. typical Big Bad Guy, nothing special about him, just his “he is the most powerful, he sits on a chair 24/7”.

i REALLy dont like zuko’s uncle, he just gave me so much creepy old dude vibes, i know he was like good in the end and this really good firebender that was a great role-model to zuko and was really wise, but the way he treated women? some a lot YOUNGER than him? very rapey, very creepy, im sorey i cant forget about it.

i don’t like the way romantic relationship were handled on the show, zuko and the ninja lady had like 0 development and felt VERY one-sided, like we really didn’t know much about them other than ninja lady used to have a crush on zuko and then out of no where they were in love even thought their personality crashed and they never once talked about emotions... just a really flat relationship and zuko had better chemistry with like EVERYONE else, sokka and moon lady were a thong even though moon lady was with another person and they met for like a day, sokka had feelings for her than obviously didn’t left when she became the moon, and sokka and suki met for an afternoon and fell in love and stayed in love even after spent a lot of time separated and sokka having another relationship in the middle and still having feelings for the other girl and like NEVER talking, and katara and avatar being one-sidded the WHOLE show minus for the last two minutes of the last episode were they don’t talk they just kiss??? what is going on on these relationships??

on that note i really like how the other relationship, the more platonic ones, were treated. zuko and his uncle had a really strong and powerful relationship that make me tear eyed a lot of times, his uncle as i said before was a great role-model for him and wise, the way you could see their father-son bond growing to the series was heartwarming, so it really hurt when zuko went to see him in jail after dissappointint him. how azula’s friends turn on her after overcoming their fear of her and that turning her to her reaching point? chefs kiss, it really gave and insight inside azula’s character and it made her friend feel more like 3d people with actual personalities. when azula her friends and zuko talked about their past? BEAUTIFUL, the small way to show that in some way they trust each other and the understanding that it gave to their characters, it was a small moment but i really liked it. aangs rage after loosing his life long friend? devastatingly beautiful, the bond between him and appa was a lot stronger than i had realized, the whole appa’s episode of him being lost and wanting to go back to aang? ive never cried so MUCH. aangs whole character? the way he developed? the way they showed us his fears and how he overcame them, how he feared the avatar state and how he refused to kill the phoenix king? trully brilliant.

there’s just so many scenes and moment that held so much raw emotion and it was done beautifully i LOVED it.

overall i REALLY liked the show, it was so so GOOD and it had me hooked to the tv for hours, it really deserves the hype it had and im pretty sure im going to become part of the fandom really quickly.

in other news, i love my boy and everything but zuko speaks really dramatically everything, like he’s an emo on a shakespear play, plz tell me yall make fun of him for that

[anneapocalypse]

[RvB 17.11] Stagnation

FIRST Spoilers

In isolation, Carolina’s Labyrinth scene was not out of character or inconsistent or objectively bad; however, cumulatively it is emblematic of the stagnation in Carolina’s writing since season 13. It undeniably resonates with viewers—but I deeply dislike what it represents and I’m going to talk about why.

So to begin, and to try and give this episode a fair shake, here’s what was good about Carolina in the Labyrinth.

Jen Brown kills it as always. It is no mystery that this scene resonates with people. There is a lot of emotion in it and Jen is a fantastic voice actor who always digs deep and does the best possible work with what she is given. Better than what she is given, in many cases.

Carolina’s self-hatred is, I think, evident in her character as far back as season 10 if you look at all beneath the surface level. I’ve said before that her actions make a lot more sense when viewed through that lens than if you look at her as simply competitive, and at this point I don’t think that’s a particularly radical statement. That self-loathing is given a particularly raw and painful manifestation here.

Carolina’s encounter is also the most on-the-nose representation of what the Labyrinth actually does: it seizes upon a person’s most negative emotions and reflects them again and again, further distorting them each time, until its victim succumbs to despair. The explicit, stated function of the Labyrinth is to drive its victims to suicide, which is dark even for this show. But given that function, it makes sense that the Labyrinth would seize upon the root of Carolina’s most self-destructive impulses.

I would also like to propose a theory that probably wasn’t authorial intent but which I think makes this whole thing read… if not well, at least better. It is already obvious to fans of Carolina that the Labyrinth’s representation of Freelancer Carolina isn’t truly her, and does not accurately represent what she was like in Freelancer. Others have said as much. But I would argue that “present” Carolina isn’t truly herself here either, because she both is not how past Carolina describes her, and says things about her past self that are untrue. Neither of them are real. The real Carolina is an observer in this scene, as we are, and the Labyrinth is subjecting her to two distorted versions of herself, both of them speaking lies.

Like I said, this probably wasn’t the intent, but it’s the only way this scene even begins to work.

Which is a pretty good segue into how it doesn’t.

“I feel so much rage when I look at you,” Carolina says to her past self. “You know that? You prioritize yourself over everything. You’re going to get people killed. Heck, you’re going to kill people. And they won’t always deserve it. Dad won’t love you more if you keep winning. He can’t. He died when Mom died. And you’ll bury him. Your competitive streak stops. I’m demanding it.”

“Oh,” says past Carolina, “you’re done? Okay. You got pretty talkative! No need for the lecture. I can read your whole shitty life from your whiny tone of voice.”

“Oh, you think you’re so—”

“Directionless? Scared? No. No, actually I—” Past Carolina laughs viciously. “I feel great. Weird to hear all that from you, though. Let me unpack this. You’ve now tasted defeat, I’m assuming, and you were—aw, sad? For a while?” Her tone grows taunting. “And you want people around as crutches in case you trip again. When have I ever—think about it!—ever allied with someone I didn’t need? A friend in a high place. A bolt hole. A wing man. To forget how to utilize people is to forget yourself. Forget me. And frankly, that’d be damning enough, but you went further. Carolina, you stripped away what comes without thought. What’s instinctual. Your passion. What greater betrayal is there? You’re not you anymore.”

So let’s unpack this. First of all, how much of what the two Carolinas say is true?

It’s worth noting that it’s present Carolina who immediately goes on the offensive here, spitting venom at the image of her past self before that image has even spoken. And the things she says… “You’re going to get people killed. You’re going to kill people.”

So what is she talking about? Who did Carolina get killed by being competitive? Who did she kill?

If she’s talking about enemy targets that weren’t who she believed they were… I mean, yeah, they didn’t deserve it, but Carolina was acting as a soldier under orders and her being less competitive wouldn’t make those any less her orders.

Is she talking about the other Freelancers? Because… Carolina didn’t get them killed. North, South, York, Wyoming, Florida—none of them were killed by or because of Carolina’s competitiveness. The only one you could really ascribe to her actions is Maine, and there is a case to be made that Carolina gave up Sigma as much to prove she didn’t need an AI as to help Maine after his injury—but that act was based on such incomplete knowledge that to call it a direct result of Carolina’s competitiveness is a stretch. Furthermore, this argument always seems to ignore the fact that if Maine hadn’t gotten Sigma, someone else would have, and while we don’t know how Sigma might have behaved with a different host, it’s hard to imagine it ending without casualties regardless.

Are we talking about Biff? Because… we’ve been over this, but Carolina didn’t kill Biff, and Biff also didn’t die because Carolina was competitive. Biff’s death was an accident; even Tex, who threw the flagpole Carolina deflected, wasn’t intentionally aiming at Biff, though it does seem like she (or someone else inside that helmet, more likely) must have realized she was throwing it with lethal force. Had Carolina been less determined to win that particular match, there’s no reason to assume Tex (and Omega) would’ve dialed back their own aggression.

We also have evidence from other bits of canon that sim trooper deaths during training exercises were disturbingly common within Project Freelancer—a fact not one of the agents, not even Good Guy Do the Right Thing York, are ever shown objecting to.

Let’s look at what past!Carolina says about herself. 

“When have I ever—think about it!—ever allied with someone I didn’t need?”

CT.

CT.

You know, that person everyone forgets about when they’re trying to make a case for Carolina being purely self-serving.

I wrote about this one a long time, ago, but for a refresher: the first time we ever see Carolina question the Director’s orders is when he says that CT is an “acceptable loss.” Carolina embarks on that mission with full intent to disregard that order and try to bring CT in alive, despite that fact that doing so will be far more difficult and offers her no personal gain whatsoever and in fact results in her failing the mission. And while Carolina’s motives in the briefing with the Director may be subtle, her intent on the mission itself is not. The first thing she does upon catching up to Tex is to remind her that they only need the armor. And when she tries to pull Tex back from the killing blow, she explicitly, verbally, objects to Tex killing CT, and even knowing that they have failed the mission and that she will take the blame, Carolina still chastises Tex for what she’s done. This is not just subtext. This is text.

And this is not the only instance of Carolina caring about her teammates. The haste with which she calls for medics when York is injured in training, the offer on the Sarcophagus mission to come to Team B’s aid instead of going after their objective, the “No!” she screams out when Maine gets shot—none of these are the behaviors of a person who is only out for herself at everyone else’s expense.

Freelancer Carolina is not characterized as a ruthless lone wolf who disregards her teammates except when they can benefit her. Not matter how much certain corners of the fandom prefer to read her that way.

But all right. It’s the Labyrinth. It’s a distortion. It’s not supposed to be real. It’s amplifying Carolina’s worst feelings about herself.

Still, that distortion is meant to be reflective of something real. It certainly seems to be so for other characters.

So which of the above would Carolina likely blame herself for?

Well… we actually have canon on how Carolina feels about most of the above.

In season 13, Carolina apologizes to Sharkface for what she and her team did to his squad. “I’m sorry,” she says. “We were on one side of the fight, and you were on the other. We thought we were the good guys. I’m sorry.”

Let’s unpack that for a hot second. In this short line, Carolina:

expresses genuine remorse for what she took part in.

acknowledges that she acted on false information, and by extension, that not everything was her fault.

Season 13 Carolina knew that not everything was her fault.

Let’s go back even further.

In present day season 10, Carolina has a couple of vulnerable moments in which she states her motivations outright. And a large source of that motivation for getting revenge on the Director is the suffering and death of her teammates. She tells Epsilon:

Church, the Director's still out there somewhere. And I need to find him. Not just for what he did to me, but for what he did to York, and to Wash, to Maine, the twins, to all of them.

Even earlier in season 10, when Carolina stands with Wash inside the wind power facility, she says, “Poor Maine,” expressing sorrow over what happened to her teammate. When Wash says, “Carolina, it wasn’t your fault,” she says, “But it was my AI.” There is regret here, obviously, and I think in that statement in particular is no small trace of survivor’s guilt. Carolina knows full well that had she not given Sigma to Maine, the Meta might well have been her.

But that’s not all she says. She goes on voice her suspicions that the Director, at the very least, could have been aware of the dangers of the implantations. That he acted recklessly in his “little experiments.” She places that blame where it’s due.

My point is that even as far back as season 10, Carolina is capable of identifying culpability that was not her own, without outright denying or handwaving her part in it. There’s a balance in what she says there, when she talks about Freelancer. She blames the Director for his part in it, while also feeling the weight of her own involvement.

As for Biff… we can’t know how Carolina feels about that now, because Joe decided it wasn’t important for her to be told onscreen why Temple hated her, so we didn’t get to see a reaction. But we already have a part of Carolina’s arc in which she comes to see sim troopers as people, as friends, and then as family, and based on how she speaks of other parts of her past, it’s hard to imagine she would brush it off.

But Biff’s death is also a part of this arc, and Carolina’s part in the plot of season 15 sets a precedent for how she will be treated for the rest of this storyline.

What about that final accusation: "You're not you anymore."

Is this a real fear that Carolina has in the present? I mean, it could be, but it's not something she's expressed since, arguably, season 13, and even then, Carolina's fear that letting her guard down will get everyone she loves killed doesn't really resemble past Carolina's claim that she's lost the self-serving passion that made her who she was. This doesn’t reflect an expressed fear relevant to any of Carolina’s recent conflicts.

If it reflects something real, it's news to us.

I can accept that the Labyrinth is meant to take the worst things Carolina thinks about herself in her worst and darkest moments and amplify and distort them beyond even that. I’m personally not a fan of plot devices that allow writers to kind of throw characterization at the wall and then say it was bad on purpose. But okay, given the mechanics of this plot device as it’s been established—fine. It’s supposed to be over the top.

All right.

But what I just described isn’t character development.

It’s just putting the characters through an Angst Machine. You notice we’ve had a lot of that lately?

Let’s go back to Chorus again. Let’s look at the plot device this one is ripping off the True Warrior test. Still not my favorite McGuffin ever, but at least the portal on Chorus showed the characters something real. And for multiple characters, including Carolina and also Locus, what they saw in the portal drove some kind of character growth for them.

Because it was, on some level, real.

What is there for Carolina to learn from this experience that she hasn’t learned already—in past seasons and previous arcs which both Joe and Jason seem determined to ignore?

Carolina’s character development since season 13 has stagnated.

In the same way that this arc overall has resorted to recycling character and story beats from past seasons, Carolina’s writing in particular has sunk into a rut.

Season 13 gave Carolina a meaningful mini-arc in which her past came back to haunt her in the form of Sharkface, and collided with her fears of failure and loss in the present. This drove real growth and meaningful change for Carolina as she struggled to avoid falling back to old habits while also giving her all to protect her new family.

Most importantly, season 13 had Carolina engaging with her past in a nuanced manner. Carolina in 13 was able to separate regret from responsibility. Her apology to Sharkface was not self-flagellation. It was real, meaningful, and necessary. It was not Carolina taking on the blame for things she didn’t do.

In recent seasons, however, Carolina's only real plot involvement hinges on the writers beating her guilt like a dead horse and making up new things she did wrong.

Where Sharkface and the death of his squad were drawn from events we saw happen, Biff’s death (already a retread of Sharkface) was invented and inserted into past canon, and showed us a Carolina whose aggression and callousness felt out of place even for her Freelancer self. Carolina never heard Temple’s grievances onscreen and was never allowed to respond to them, so she wasn’t allowed any growth of her own from the experience of being put through the Angst Machine with Wash.

Season 16 invents yet another sin for Carolina: keeping Wash’s memory lapses a secret, because for some reason Dr. Grey doesn’t think it’s important to keep her patients informed personally and instead puts that responsibility on their friends. This of course blows up in Carolina’s face at the worst possible moment, forcing conflict between her and Wash and driving Carolina to make yet another mistake: the decision to time travel to save Wash, the catalyst for season 17.

This season has done some pretty decent damage control in that it has repaired Carolina and Wash’s relationship. Yet it’s still not allowing Carolina to move on from Freelancer. If we had to have a plot device that amplifies negative emotions, why not use Carolina’s more recent struggles, like the way her overprotectiveness and difficulty opening up even with people she loves led to her unintentionally hurting Wash?

There were warning signs, unfortunately. Wash’s time travel to the Freelancer era showed Carolina straight up refusing to speak to him, which… really isn’t something we ever saw Carolina do to her teammates in Freelancer. But despite Wash’s sympathy to Carolina in the present, Jason seems intent on driving home the point that she was unambiguously “mean” in the past. So I guess it’s no surprise that now we get to watch her feel bad about it some more.

In season 13, Carolina called the Reds and Blues her family, and expressed that she would do whatever it took to protect them.

In season 15, Carolina said she wondered if she’d missed her one chance at a fresh start, completely ignoring the fact that she’d already had one several seasons ago.

In past seasons, Carolina’s regrets led to her growing and changing. Now, recent seasons have reduced those regrets to static traits that never change. She was mean in the past (because with few exceptions, “ambitious woman who’s good at her job” is synonymous with “bitch” in RvB), and she’s going to feel bad about it forever. That’s it. That’s her character now. Past growth is discarded and ignored. We’ll continue to hammer on her past wrongs and her regret every single season, but she’s never going to be allowed to move on.

It's bad character writing. Yes, even if the plot provides a mechanic for it.

I’ve said this before, but Joe and Jason are not writing character arcs. They are simply remixing old character beats for Feels and then resetting the characters to status quo. We’ve seen it with Grif, and the same thing is happening with Carolina.

And furthermore, it really feels like a lot of these writing decisions stem from a very shallow impression of “what the fans like.” Fans like Wash angst, so hurt Wash for no reason. Fans didn’t like it when Wash and Carolina were close, so force some conflict, and when they make up be sure to inject a line about how they’re like siblings. Fans didn’t like Tucker being torn down in favor of Grif, so that must mean fans don’t like it when we pay attention to Grif.

Fans liked it when Carolina apologized and was emotional, so that means Carolina should always be feeling bad about something, all the time, regardless of context.

I don’t want or need Carolina to be in the spotlight. Like Wash, I feel at this point that she’s spent a good amount of time there, and it’s perfectly fine and good to let someone else have a turn. I’d be quite happy to see her just be one of the team—taking part in the story, but in a supporting role. She doesn’t need a dramatic new character arc. She just needs her past growth to be acknowledged. To matter in the present.

But to these writers, it doesn’t, because to them, characters don’t change.

This scene was undeniably emotional. But it is not growth. It is not, in this context, even particularly meaningful.

It’s just putting a character through the soulless gears of the Angst Machine.

It’s stagnation.

And if this is how Carolina is going to be written from now on, it just might be what makes me walk away for good.

[kdramaxoxo]

Just Between Lovers: A K-Drama Review

This slice-of-life drama seemed to come out of nowhere (mostly because the title was misleading) and instantly pulled me in. Below is my review of what I consider the best currently airing kdrama of the season.

About This Drama: ‘Just Between Lovers’ follows the lives of survivors of a tragic building collapse accident. It’s a slice-of-life drama about the struggles of life after experiencing deep loss and how relationships around that are affected. 

The Good Stuff:

Beautiful Storytelling: This is not your average K-Drama. From beginning to end, Just Between Lovers has the perfect balance of sadness, joy, anger and love. It is definitely a sad story with heartbreaking moments, but the writers allow us to follow the characters as they deal with the pain and loss and experience happiness and friendship so there is the perfect balance. Those of you who are scared to watch because of the feels: There are a bunch of funny and cute moments throughout and there are even some classic tropes like the piggy back ride and cute dates!

(--spoilers ahead--)

Realistic Character Development: Moon Soo and Gang Doo might be my favorite deeply developed couple from a K-Drama. You experience all of the pain and fears they have, as the show reveals what that happened to them. Step by step you learn what their deepest fears and traumas are, and all of the quirks and imperfections of being human. The side characters are also deeply developed (though not as much as the leads) showing you how everyone deals with tragedy differently. Not everyone heals completely but finds their own path and that’s how life really is. 

Moon Soo as a Soft but Strong Female Lead: After ‘Because This is My First Life’ had a quiet and unassuming female lead who ended up taking control, I’ve realized I LOVE SOFT STRONG FEMALE LEADS. A strong female doesn’t have to come in screaming ;-) Moon Soo is struggling with her family and guilt from the accident, but she still is steadfast in her career, has extremely high ethics, and is the strong portion of the main couple. Without her, I’m not sure Gang Doo would have ever healed (or even stayed alive).

Gang Doo is everyone’s favorite boyfriend: At first I thought Gang Doo came on a little violent (he has a lot of guilt and ptsd so his rages were kinda disturbing) but once the main couple starts sharing their pain and struggles, he basically becomes the world’s best boyfriend. Gang Doo knows he got the best end of the deal so it’s super cute. If you like romance, you’ll LOVE the two of these precious beans together. 

Mental Illness and Disability Representation: ALL of the characters who were in the accident are dealing with some form of mental illness: PTSD, Depression, Anxiety. Alcoholism etc and I love how the show empathizes with them and doesn’t look down on them (especially as someone who is constantly working on my own mental heath). It never pretends they are perfect or on the other hand totally lost, but instead allows you to see the reality of what people go through when they have these issues. My favorite side characters are Kim Wan Jin and Sang Man(!!!). Kim Wan Jin is in a wheelchair due to a different accident and is feisty, strong, smart and super capable while still having to deal with discrimination. Sang Man appears to have a mild intellectual disability but is clearly the smartest and most insightful character of the show - he is a joy and most of the best quotes are from him - I LOVE HIM!

Great Cinematography and Soundtrack: Both of these are lovely! Whenever a show is stunning, I can’t resist making gifs of everything and well, I’ve giffed my heart out. The OST isn’t released on itunes yet but I’ve listed to the songs over and over again on youtube so... <3

The Bad Stuff:

Honestly unless I’m being SUPER nit-picky there really isn’t a lot to complain about. There is one jarring error but the rest are small things like: the forced breakup for 1 episode that dramas always like to do for some reason - (just make the show 15 episodes DUDE. We don’t need that heartbreak!)

The main bad thing is everyone’s least favorite character: Jung Yoo Taek is an interesting villain because he doesn’t actually have very much power. He’s easy to hate because he’s a jerk, but he’s kind of a sad human and you can tell he doesn’t even like himself really. But the biggest issue I had was his relationship with Ma-Ri: A strong independent woman who has NO reason to actually like him. The writers either wanted to tie their plot line up with a pretty bow or just failed Ma-Ri as a character.

One funny side note that isn’t really negative but...because it’s a k-drama, everyone who is struggling with their traumatic past (included the architect) gets a job on the EXACT JOB SITE that the trauma originally happened and there is a TON of stress revolved around that. Why doesn’t everyone just quit? Just saying ;-)

In Conclusion: It’s always a joy to write a review about a show I love because I can hopefully convince others to watch it too! It’s got a great balance of everything: sadness, joy, funny, heartfelt moments and well, it’s almost perfect - I miss it already!

Rating of show: 9/10

Handling of social issues: 9/10 (highest I’ve ever given on a k-drama)

[genesisarclite]

Hi can I get some uhhhhhh....., some more of them Jensen headcanons?

Yes, Anon. Yes. You most definitely can. Below the cut, because it got stupid long.

- Owns a black dress shirt with gold (real gold threads, by the way, thank you TF29 commission-salary) embroidery across the shoulders. Resembles his coat in MD to a point. MacReady snarks about it being black like everything else he wears, but it looks real slick on him and he knows it. On that same note, his coat in MD cost him several thousand dollars. ACRNYM practically knows him by name once all was finally said and done with the thing…

- Augs allow him to live longer than the average human, and his aging process has already slowed down a noticeable amount. It’s unknown just how long, but some estimates place him in the 150-200 natural-years range.

- Did not like having to walk around without his shades in the Pent House. Felt naked and extremely vulnerable. Being surrounded by a lot of criminals, zealous guards, and lacking access to his defensive augs did not help. Didn’t have nightmares, but does not like to think about it.

- Stoicism comes from a forced emotional shutdown in response to the trauma of almost being killed, then coming to in a world where everything he ever cared about is gone. Smashed his mirror more than once as a result. First time was an accident, others not so much. Claims structural issues. Maintenance is not convinced or amused.

- The presence of a mirror in his Prague Apartment indicates acceptance of his fate. He can’t fight it, can’t change it, so he decided to do whatever he can to make good use of what he’s become. While he still doesn’t really like his augs, he deals with it and has become comfortable enough to function as though they were there from the beginning. He no longer tries to hide them, from himself or others.

- Discussed more at length by others, but is very empathetic and feels very strongly about everything. Becomes a problem when he constantly falls into Hero Syndrome and has to help everyone who needs it, any way he can, all the time. Can’t abandon someone who’s suffering, can’t make anyone suffer, can’t ignore a cry for help, can’t kill without being given literally no other option. He just can’t do it.

- Has a mild case of “survivor’s guilt” that flares up whenever he sees someone hurt or die in front of him, and sometimes questions why he couldn’t save someone that time, though he doesn’t talk about it.

- Tends to express most of his emotion through his eyes, which he’s aware of, so he stays hidden behind his shades. Retracts them when he wants someone to see him for who and what he is, but is reluctant to do so to begin with. Becomes more willing to do so with time and trust, but it’s a long road.

- HR comics are considered, personally, non-canon, so he hasn’t had a significant other since Megan. Is reluctant to do so, due to pining for her even still, but wants to move on. Is willing to love again, but has had his trust shaken and been hurt enough that he’s extremely reluctant to do so. It’s thus been a good three (or more) years since he’s been intimate with anyone, and the resulting lack of emotional intimacy, trust, and physical affection has affected his psyche negatively.

- Doesn’t mind being touched or touching others, per se, but generally likes to do so on his own terms. All the same, can generally figure out when Touch = Bad and react accordingly. If someone needs a shoulder or a hand, he will give it.

- Despite his rather gruff, snarky exterior, is actually warm and affectionate with his SO. Can get rough if she asks, but won’t usually opt for it on his own, mostly due to underlying issues of trust and anxiety. Not huge on actively approaching her for physical affection, but won’t mind if she asks for it or initiates it, and will respond (willingly) in kind.

-Leg augs go up to his hips and lower back, but nothing in his groin has been replaced, leaving his body from there on up mostly organic. Beneath the skin is a metal frame that has replaced his spine and some of his ribs, while also adding a reinforcing bar across the chest to support the arm prostheses. Some of his organs, damaged by Namir, have been replaced with printed synthetic copies, while others were turned outright cybernetic. For the most part, they function like his original organs.

- (yes, you read that right - he still has his genitals. Would be very odd if Sarif, of all people, decided to cut them off!)

- Doesn’t trust Delara and hates discussing personal details with anyone. Tends to deflect attempts to dig under the shell with snark and sarcasm, or gives just enough truth buried under just enough BS that the other person thinks they got something out of him. They almost never do.

- Doesn’t mind being on bottom. Partly because he doesn’t want to risk hurting her (he is pretty solidly built and rather tall, and has great control over his augs but still doesn’t want to risk losing control of them), but also because he likes the form of intimacy it brings - it’s a representation of trust, which he so, so badly desires (though don’t say that about him - he’ll just deny it). Also actually tends to prefer it, in fact.

- Is a fantastic kisser. You’d never guess from looking at him, but he is very good at it.

- Likes to be kissed along his neck. Like, a lot. A lot.

- Respects MacReady and is ultimately less likely to snipe at him than he does Pritchard. They eventually grow to become grudging(ish) brothers-in-arms, with each willing to watch the other’s back whenever they’re in the thick of it. Adam hasn’t been on a team in literal years and forgot how much he missed it.

- Likes to keep lots of little lights on in his apartment, and turned down low. Makes him feel cozy and safe, and helps him sleep, because his circadian rhythm is all out of whack (thanks, Sarif!) and never really reset itself. Has gotten much better at keeping the place clean, but still forgets to do simple things like get the utensils out of the sink from time to time.

- Aria Argento is the only person who’s genuinely kind to him, consistently, and worries about him (one of the most powerful Augs in the world) even when he assures her she doesn’t need to. Doesn’t mind. Rather likes it, actually. Finds it refreshing she never asks anything of him or makes demands, never expects him to do anything for her, or even treats him as anything than Adam Jensen, a normal man. She eventually becomes somewhat of a confidante, though it takes months for him to trust her enough to start cautiously reaching out.

- Can’t get drunk. Metabolism too fast. Also can’t damage his liver (synthetic), lungs (partially cybernetic), or cardiovascular system (wholly cybernetic). Has cut back on the vices since HR, mostly taking them in moderation now, except during periods of extreme stress.

- Usually smells of fine leather (you know the scent), mingled with the faint scent of whiskey and cigarettes. Neither linger long - he keeps himself clean enough that they literally can’t. Occasionally smells faintly of roses. Nobody knows why, and Adam isn’t telling, no matter how many times he’s asked.

- Hair is thick, but soft. Rarely acquires a coarse texture, except if he lets the ends split too much. Skin is generally smooth, due to protection from his dermal armor, and hasn’t developed many signs of age or wear yet. Scar tissue doesn’t form easily, explaining the lack of significant scarring across his abdomen when it was slashed open by the glass.

[masked-fox-creations]

Fox takes a look at a magic realism book, “When the Moon was Ours” by Anna-Marie McLemore.

Hello and welcome back to the shelves. I’m your host Fox, and today we’re talking about a magical realism book called “When the Moon Was Ours” by Anna-Marie McLemore. Which was as good as I was expecting, and then some.

Seriously, I adored this. The prose is beautiful, the characters are fantastic, and it’s full of twists. I got seriously absorbed in this book and could not put it down once I started. It’s like a modern fairytale, including some really heart wrenching parts but with an ending that’s very hopeful and pieces all those parts back together.

Also it has two trans characters—one of our protagonists, Sam, and another character who I won’t spoil. Just know that both are people of color. And speaking of there is some great representation of race here, too, and it doesn’t shy away from talking about the racism these characters face for being hispanic or Pakistani. We get to see them taking part in their culture, not shying away from mentioning the traditional foods or lifestyles, either.

So instead of just singing its praise, let me explain what exactly this book is. Like I said, it’s in the magic realism genre. So you have normal things like high school, mixed in with a girl named Miel who fell out of a water tower and roses grow from her wrist. Who is one of our two main protagonists, by the way.

Miel is full of secrets, questions, and pain. Sam has one big secret. They both have to deal with the Bonner sisters who want the roses that grow from Miel’s wrist, and are willing to do some awful things to get them. Like trapping Miel in a coffin for hours or blackmailing her to give them up or else they’ll out Sam to everyone. They’re pretty ruthless, but what I really like is McLemore gave them all their own issues that are weighing them down, their own secrets and pain. I felt it was well done and not heavy handed or anything.

I said it before, but the prose is absolutely gorgeous and evocative. There are so many good lines and descriptions that just make this story that much more beautiful. That just, bring it to life. Like this one: “Miel was a handful of foil stars, but they were the fire that made constellations.” 

Or then there’s this: “But that stark beauty made her want to kiss him so badly that the lack of it made her lips feel cold. Her tongue was ice in her own mouth. Her breath was winter wind that stung every surface inside her.” 

This is purple prose done incredibly well.

This is definitely a book that’s gonna stay with me. No doubts about it. And I highly recommend it to fans of this genre, or maybe have never read any magic realism and want to check it out for the first time. I will warn for, other than what I’ve already mentioned, there is some misgendering and somewhat graphic mentions of past child abuse, and survivor’s guilt. Oh, and an instance of suicidal idealization and attempt.

Well, there’s nothing else I can say without spoilers except go read it if it sounds at all interesting. It’s absolutely fantastic. And especially if you know a teen looking for a good fantasy book with trans characters point this out to them.

Well, next time we’re going to be looking at another book by Grady Hendrix, the guy who wrote “Horrorstör” , that book about a haunted totally-not-IKEA I reviewed previously, called “Paperbacks From Hell”. Which is about the horror paperback books from the seventies and eighties, and saying that out loud I realize just how niche that is. Until we meet again.

[End]

To the boys who get called girls, the girls who get called boys, and those who live outside these words. To those called names, and those searching for names of their own. To those who live on the edges, and in the spaces in between. I wish for you every light in the sky.

[eyesaremosaics]

Feminist film recommendations?

Hmm interesting question anon. I will list some of my personal favorites (in no particular order) hopefully you enjoy them.

1. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

I felt like there was fire in my veins walking out of the cinema. Not only is Charlize Theron’s Furiosa a total badass, but the best thing is that it’s not just her. To have such a range of women portrayed equally and beautifully was so uplifting. Women caring for each other, lifting each other and fighting hard for what is right. We need more of that, both in Hollywood and in life.

2. The color purple (1985)

Read this book in high school, about a sisterhood of women, all standing together against the racism and sexism that they face and somehow coming out on top. It’s an inspiring story of women coming together in the face of adversity.

3. Gone With the Wind (1939)

Scarlett was the most coveted female film role of all time. Despite the films obvious flaws as a result of the time period in which it was made, overall this is a feminist parable. Scarlett is above all else–a survivor. She never gives up, digs her heels in, rolls up her sleeves and does it. She faces adversity with admirable courage. Despite the fact that she is a terribly flawed human being, you can relate to her. She sets her mind to something and she does it, whether it’s dragging her family out of poverty or eating as much BBQ food as she damn well likes. Her flaws make her human, which adds richness to the overall story. Scarlett has inspired me to persevere at the darkest of times. When all hope seems lost, “tomorrow is another day.”

4. Erin Brockovich (2000)

I love Julia Roberts, and this movie stands out as one of her best in my opinion. A single mother, fallen on hard times, but somehow holding everything together. Making the best of a bad situation, an eternal realist. Portraying a woman as much more than she appears. She uncovers some dark secrets (chemicals leaked into the sewer systems) which led an entire community to develop terminal illness. She works tirelessly to expose those responsible and find justice for those who can’t help themselves. My favorite line is when this bitchy secretary says: “maybe we got off on the wrong foot here.”“Yeah lady because that’s all you got, two wrong feet and fucking ugly shoes.” Bahahaha

5. Suffragette (2015)

Tells the story of the women’s right movement at the turn of the last century. It taught me to stand up for myself, and for women everywhere. Very proud to have that as a part of our history. Incredibly grateful to all the women who fought tirelessly, endured persecution, humiliation, incarceration to ensure my right to vote.

6. Pocahontas (1995)

Pocahontas is VERY loosely based on the true story. Disney took a lot of liberties here which mask the horror of early American history and its impact on the native Americans. HOWEVER, what I like about her characterization in this film… Is that she was strong, rebellious, bold, adventurous, and wise. She went wherever the wind took her, a true free spirit. She was graceful, and kind in ways other Disney princesses were not. The purity of her heart and the message she had to bring, stopped a war. She is a warrior, but not one that fights with weapons, she fights with love. In the end she chose herself and her duty to her people over a man. I wanted to be just like her when I was a little girl watching this in the theater, and she still inspires me today, nearly 20 years later.

7. Fried green tomatoes (1992)

I watched this film when I was in high school, with low expectations and was very surprised to discover how moved I was. A story of two women, finding empowerment within oneself. The main character listens to a story from an elderly woman and learns how to love herself. I believe it’s important to encourage other women and learn from each other.

8. Obvious child (2014)

Jenny Slate’s character has an abortion after a one night stand with a guy she actually really likes. However, she knows she isn’t prepared for it and chooses to terminate the pregnancy. There’s great friendship and family in the film and it really helps to destigmatise abortion.

9. Wild (2014)

The book is arguably better, but the film is worth watching. A woman goes out and hikes one of the worlds longest trails, on a mission to find herself and to prove that she can finish what she starts. Finding herself on the elements, and getting clarity. Very freeing and inspiring.

10. Kill Bill 1 & 2 (2003)

Uma Thurman is a boss, and everyone knows it. She is so vice tally connected to her inner life as an actress, always enjoy watching her. These films are what she is most known for nowadays, and for good reason. It’s a story of revenge. A woman is almost murdered by the man she loved, pregnant with his child. Wakes up in a hospital, having been in a coma for years. Suffered all kinds of indignities, she willed herself to walk again. Dragged herself by her fingernails until she could rise up, strengthen her skills as a warrior, and set out to settle old scores. She takes each person down one by one, yet you still find the humanity behind each character and the reasons why they did what they did and became who they were. It’s about survival, perseverance, and ultimately in the end–forgiveness. Leaving the past behind, to start over again.

11. She’s beautiful when she’s angry (2014)

It’s a documentary about the feminist movement in the 1960s and 1970s, with interviews with many of the women who were part of it. Sure, it makes you angry to see injustice, but it’s also highly uplifting to see what these women did, and how it paved the way for equality forty to fifty years later. These women were, and still are, amazing figures who haven’t stopped fighting.

12. How to make an American quilt

A group of older women reflecting on their lives around a quilting table. Each of their stories are so inspiring, and the way they all come together to heal from their traumas is very powerful. Winona Ryder’s character (Finn) is experiencing a late twenties crisis of identity, and is unsure about wether or not to get married to her long term fiancée. Listening to the lives of all these women helps bring perspective and clarity to her. Life is never black and white, life is like a quilt. You build as you go along.

13. Frida

This Selma Hayek-fronted, Academy Award-winning biopic of the feminist icon portrays the artist in a whole new light. It’s amazing to watch the story of any incredible historic figure succeed against the odds, but double if said figure is also a woman and shot so beautifully by Julie Taymor.

14. The hours (2002)

This film follows three women as their lives weave in and around the narrative of Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway. The multi-generational movie shows how people are connected through time by similar angst, anxieties, and personal struggles.

15. The Stepford wives (1975)

What happens to women when things are too perfect? The answer might make their husbands happy, but the truth behind what is happening in this ideal-seeming suburb is nothing short of horrifying.

16. Miss Representation (2011)

A documentary on the way women are treated and portrayed in the media, this film broke open the truth behind the images women and young girls are force fed on a daily basis. Start your watching here, if you can, and then continue on to these other films to see how much has and hasn’t changed.

17. North Country (2005)

A fictionalized account of the first majorly successful sexual harassment case in the United States, this film follows the female miners who fought for their right to work without suffering the abuse their male coworkers heaped on them because of their gender.

18. The Headless Woman, Lucrecia Martel

New Argentine Cinema figure Lucrecia Martel draws connections to the country’s dark political/class struggles, transposing its “disappeared” from the mid-to-late ‘70s into a sedate, challenging story about a woman’s fractured state following a fatal accident and its ensuing cover-up.

18. Princess Mononoke, Hayao Miyazaki

A thread of feminism weaves itself through the work of Hayao Miyazaki. Perhaps his most mature film, Princess Mononoke features a memorable and tenacious heroine, San, who subverts feminine stereotypes and is written without the fanciful quirks commonly found in animation. She is serious and single minded. Grounded to the earth, living in the moment. She is totally present, and pure. Even her rage comes from a pure unadulterated place. Wolf-goddess character Moro deserves attention as an unlikely mother figure that is fierce and, well, totally pissed off (you would be too if people were destroying your home), but also wise and nurturing. Fighting for what’s right, against impossible odds. Being humbled by nature, the ultimate female reclamation. So many layers in this film.

19. Dogfight, Nancy Savoca

A rare film set during the Vietnam War and told from the perspective of a woman, Nancy Savoca’s Dogfight reveals a different kind of cruelty people inflict upon one another, off the battlefield — in this case, a group of misogynistic Marines using women in a contest of looks. Lili Taylor’s peace-loving Rose, who becomes one of the targets in this game, soon realizes she’s being courted by River Phoenix’s Eddie for the wrong reasons — though his guilt and seemingly genuine interest in Rose is apparent. Rose confronts Eddie about the game, defending the honor of all women involved, which winds up bringing them closer together.

20. Alien, Ridley Scott

She’s not a sidekick, arm candy, or a damsel to be rescued. She isn’t a fantasy version of a woman. The character is strong enough to survive multiple screenwriters. She was lucky enough to be played by Sigourney Weaver,” said Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America President John Scalzi of Ellen Ripley from 1979’s Alien. Defying genre cinema’s gender clichés (she is gender neutral, really) as the clear-minded, intelligent, and capable officer of the ship Nostromo, Ripley is more resourceful than the men who employ her and steps in to take over when all hell breaks loose.

21. Orlando, Sally Potter

Our own Judy Berman recently highlighted Tilda Swinton’s performance in Potter’s adaptation of Virginia Woolf’s satirical text that explores gender and artistic subjectivity, a project that was ambitious in both form and content:

“Although it’s far more straightforward a narrative than most of her work, Virginia Woolf’s Orlando still presents one major challenge for the big screen: its protagonist is a nobleman in Elizabethan England who lives a life that spans centuries, and is suddenly transformed into a woman midway through it. Tilda Swinton may be the only (allegedly) human actor equipped to play the role of such a regal, mysterious androgyne, and her performance in this adaptation — also a breakthrough for director Sally Potter — became her signature.”

22. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, Jacques Demy

Celebrated for its vivid milieu, Jacques Demy’s sensitively characterized film is a superior look at an independent woman (Catherine Deneuve) in a romantic narrative who makes difficult choices about marriage, children, and survival that sometimes leave her alone — but she is never lonely because of that.

23. Daisies, Vera Chytilová

The young women in Vera Chytilová’s Czech New Wave farce “construct fluid identities for themselves, keenly aware of their sexuality, toying with the men who pursue them. It’s an exhilarating, surreal, anarchic experiment, framed by the turbulent 1960s.

24. Daughters of the Dust, Julie Dash

Julie Dash directed the first feature film by an African-American woman distributed theatrically in the United States in 1991 — a stunningly captured look at three generations of Gullah women off the coast of South Carolina and Georgia in 1902.

25. Meshes of the Afternoon, Maya Deren

The bar for avant-garde female filmmaking, born from personal experiences and anxieties. Maya Deren’s 1943 experimental classic builds its interior female perspective and constructs of selfhood through dreamlike imagery.

26. The Passion of Joan of Arc, Carl Theodor Dreyer

Critic Jonathan Rosenbaum on Carl Theodor Dreyer’s crowning achievement, released in 1928, that still painfully echoes contemporary cases of female oppression — the film’s silent context taking on an unintentional resonance:

“Carl Dreyer’s last silent, the greatest of all Joan of Arc films… . Joan is played by stage actress Renee Falconetti, and though hers is one of the key performances in the history of movies, she never made another film. (Antonin Artaud also appears in a memorable cameo.) Dreyer’s radical approach to constructing space and the slow intensity of his mobile style make this ‘difficult’ in the sense that, like all the greatest films, it reinvents the world from the ground up. It’s also painful in a way that all Dreyer’s tragedies are, but it will continue to live long after most commercial movies have vanished from memory.”

[becbec-reviewsfilms]

‘Forrest Gump’

★★★★

1994 – Dir. Robert Zemeckis

The drifting white feather and enchanting soundtrack immediately draw you into this heartfelt tale. Despite the film having been released over 20 years ago, it can still easily hold its own against most modern films. It’s a story that reminiscences on the most important events of the late 20th century all which are impacted by one man who only wants to try his best.

Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks) is a kind and well-doing man. Despite having a low IQ, his mother is determined he will have the same opportunities as everyone else. This leads him to a remarkable life – playing American football, fighting in Vietnam, meeting the President several times, starting a world-famous organisation, playing ping pong for his country, but perhaps most importantly, it intertwines him with Jenny (Robin Wright), his childhood friend and later love.

It was my impression that Forrest Gump was autistic. He struggles to sometimes understand social behaviour and situations, as well as having a low IQ. This leads to discrimination against him in the public-school system – effectively showing the persecution of those deemed ‘abnormal’ in that they do not conform to society’s norms. However, it is through this that he makes friends with Jenny, originally described as an ‘angel’, yet in a way it is Forrest who actual becomes her angel throughout the play, perhaps foreshadowed by that one white feather floating at the start and end of the film.

Forrest is born with a crooked back, meaning that he must wear braces on his legs in order to walk. However, when he is being chased by bullies, Jenny calls on him to ‘Run Forrest, run!’, and in slow motion he begins to run properly and the braces break away from his legs, symbolising his new-found freedom. As it turns out, Forrest is good at running. So good, in fact, that he earns a college scholarship to play football – in which there is an amusing scene where Forrest continues to run off the pitch. His ability to run also helps him when he is in Vietnam, as he not only escapes the ambush but rescues part of his squad as well. Finally, running is obviously something that helps him to think and to cope, as when Jenny leaves him he runs across America for 3 and a half years – an impressive feat for anyone.

When Forrest graduates, he is immediately taken in by the army and meets Bubba (Mykelti Williamson). Bubba also appears to have autism like Forrest and the two get along very well. Bubba dreams of being a shrimp farmer, and when he sadly doesn’t make it back from Vietnam Forrest takes up that dream along with Lieutenant Dan (Gary Sinise) – their superior officer who lost both legs in the ambush, and whom Forrest saves from his depressive and suicidal life. Forrest and Bubba’s last conversation is heart-breaking, as Forrest recollects that he regrets not being able to say more but in the moment, he just couldn’t find the words. It’s tremendously well-acted, like the whole film really, but it is certainly a crushing moment.

Throughout the film we see flashes of Jenny’s life in the moments before and during her interactions with Forrest. Beginning with her abusive father, Jenny’s life takes many downhill turns. She loses her place at college after explicit photos of her are published and ends up working in a strip club. Then, rescued by Forrest, she hitchhikes her way across the country, eventually falling in with the hippie culture, but yet again ending up with an abusive boyfriend. He reunion with Forrest in Washington D.C. is quite frankly adorable, as they wade through the water to each other whilst cheered on by the crowds around them. It’s supremely sweet and works so well after the darkness of the Vietnam war. We also see that Jenny falls in with the drug culture of the 70s and her life becomes so miserable that she contemplates committing suicide. However, she manages to make her way back to Forrest. It is a recurring theme that Forrest is actually Jenny’s guardian angel, the person whom she always finds when she is in trouble. They share a sweet and tender love, but when Forrest asks Jenny to marry him to it too much for her. She has been through much in her life and the proposal seems to come too soon for her to accept it. She does what she believes she needs to do to show Forrest that she loves him, and then leaves the next morning.

In the ‘almost’ modern day setting, the beginning of the film, we see various people sitting by Forrest on the bench waiting for their buses. He recounts his life to them, strangers who show either disinterest or disbelief, but he carries on. There is one, the last one, an old woman who clearly believes his story, and who even misses her bus, saying that ‘there’ll be another one’. This ties in with the film’s theme of life being a mix of destiny and luck – it’s like ‘a box of chocolates’, Forrest’s mum repeats. Life is what you make of it – not just what others make for you. For a film with a disabled protagonist – in fact several disabled characters – it is such an important message. Don’t let society hold you back – go forth, be great, live life.

Forrest and Jenny finally reunite when he finishes his story, and he discovers that he has a son. However, this is a moment that should be wonderful for him, but instead he panics, and repeatedly asks Jenny if Forrest Jr. is ‘smart’. It’s such a heart-breaking moment, Jenny reassures him that Forrest Jr. is the smartest in his class, and a huge look of relief washes over Forrest’s face. He may not fully understand social behaviour, but he understands that he is different to everyone else, and that he was bullied mercilessly and discriminated against for that. Forrest may not have a high IQ, but he is smart in practical ways, able to build a shrimp company and handle machines quickly and effectively. It’s almost crazy that after everything he has been through, his biggest fear is that his son will have the same disability as him, because he does not want that life for his son.

Of course, after everything, there is that one final heart-breaking scene. Forrest stood by Jenny’s, his wife’s, grave. I cried a lot at this scene. Forrest isn’t an overly emotional character, but is the subtleties of Hanks’ acting that give the emotion and feeling to the scene. It’s a bittersweet ending for Jenny, and their love, but it is made happier by the blossoming relationship between Forrest and his son. And of course, parallel to the start of Forrest’s story, the film ends with Forrest Jr. boarding the school bus for the first time, and that white feather drifting free once more, flying high into the sky.

My one problem with this film is both scenes where Jenny expresses sexual interest towards Forrest. To me, it seems that these are the only times when Forrest appears ‘normal’. I think that this sort of representation could be damaging to those who have autism, who struggle with social behaviour. Whilst part of Forrest’s ‘normalised’ reaction could be due to his world-learning, it feels out of place with the rest of his character and behaviour. It annoys me, because other than that it is a brilliant film, but I cannot shake off this one annoyance.

‘Forrest Gump’ is a beautiful film, although it sometimes feels like a glorification of American historical events at that time, but it also deals with them in a realistic and hard-hitting way. The survivors guilt and PTSD of Lieutenant Dan felt very real and very shocking; the discrimination against Forrest for his mental disability; the objectification of Jenny. It is historically accurate and tells a charming story at the same time (maybe Forrest wasn’t real, but all those large events were).

It makes you laugh, it makes you cry. Zemeckis has created a wonderful film that is still a classic, even now. The light-heartedness to the story feels alien from this modern era of dark and gritty films, and whilst it may appear to be light on substance, it is packed with hard-hitting and relevant stories. It’s easy to see why this film is so beloved, and why it will continue to be a favourite for a long, long time.

[officerhaughtstuff]

Why do you ship Wyndolliday? (I'm totally expecting the three page essay)

well first let me lead you to my previous post on the subject

and second, i will explain with pleasure. (under a read more cause WOW that got long)

so, ill start this with the honesty that im not a big fan of just wyndoc on its own. just in the name of transparency and to elucidate on authorial bias. also because it is relevant in how i see wyndolliday.

so anyway.

first off, just from a representation standpoint the universe could use a great and sweet poly ship on tv. and a bisexual black man. and just two bisexual men who arent just ‘in a phase’  or any other bullshit (also wynonna is alsways headcanoned by me as pan, but thats not super relevant to this. just putting it out into the universe)

secondly, i think that wyndolliday as a relationship balance each other out really well. in theory any two of them could make a decent relationship pair, though again i would have to keep an eye on wyndoc cause im not sure they bring out the best in each other, but again again thats besides the point and ill admit those two have potential. now, i will get into all the relationship dynamics as i see it, with a prelude about when i first started to see this as like a thing for me:

 so honestly it was the season finale where dolls and doc finally got over their dick measuring contest and got all bff bromance on screen. previously i kinda thought about doc and dolls both dating wynonna and not each other, all consensually and whatnot. though that would require the character development that made dolls and doc not wanna murder each other necessary much the same. but when i saw them on screen getting seriously bromantic i was like “....ah. i dig it.”. plus there was that prompt from the wynonna earp official twitter about the “ghost river triangle” pairing. so that made me think it more too.

now for the dynamics (how they fit and why i think being in the ot3 would be good for them): first - wynonna and doc. like i said earlier, this makes me a little wary. the reasons being as follows: they can bring out the worst in each other and doc is shown to be very willing to manipulate wynonna. but they are also two people who i see as being very emotionally raw. theyre like exposed wires, dangerous and volatile and pouring all their feelings out in every action. they can find in each other another person who processes and expresses themselves in similar ways, who have both faced hardships and come out on the other side a little bitter and a little self-loathing. they see themselves as survivors first and foremost, but they both know what it means to love someone who tries to fight for /good/ and /morals/ (waverly for wynonna, wyatt for doc). and they would be able to find healing for themselves by helping and standing by and experiencing someone else healing from similar wounds in similar ways. sort of like a third-person perspective of themselves. combined with the ease with which people can sometimes face issues when they arent directly their own. they would be emotionally open and provide the same level of emotional openness and comfort they both require. they would probably be able to help each other through emotional times, but on the other hand they are both runners by nature (even if they try not to do that now. even now that theyre “heroes”) so would they turn to each other in hard times? or would they run? would they fear sharing themselves because they might make the other run? and their shared nature makes it easy for them to get caught up in things, get battered around and make things not feel very stable. doc would also be someone who would be willing to go all out and risk anything /do/ anything for his chosen few. wynonna would thrive with someone who would always put her first above everyone else, cause she doesnt even do that for herself. and wynonna represents hope and a future to doc, and at the same time a connection to his past. she’s bitter adn battered and she’s been through hell, but she hasnt given up all hope, and despite what she says she believes in good people. she represents what he could be, and what he strives to become (he protestes the entire way, but he still wants to achieve it. he’d rather not try at all than fail he thinks most days. its easier on his tired heart)

            i think dolls would help their relationship. hes a very steady person, and i think he would act as a sort of grounding to their passion and an anchor that they can come back to when they run. he is not someone who runs, and i think they both need that. so while doc and wynonna can connect as raw nerves, he can serve as a centerpoint for them. in this relationship i think he serves as a sort of a “calm in the storm” kind of man. and he’d be able to sit and listen and be able to think things through when doc and wynonna get carried away. plus he’d be able to mediate their arguments. he may be steady and calm, but that comes with a heavy amount of stubbornness and an unwillingness to back down.

wynonna and dolls - i think these two compliment each other. wynonna, as mentioned earlier, is like a raw nerve or an exposed wire, and dolls is very self-contained. the man is practically made of willpower from what ive seen. when wynonna feels something its all over her face and her actions. she feels everything deeply. i think dolls feels things jsut as deeply, but he keeps it all bottled up. they are both just as stubborn, and i think they provide a challenge for each other. wynonna would help dolls express himself, and dolls would help wynonna learn when to stop and take a breath before things run away on her. on the other hand, would wynonna get the kind of emotional comfort she clearly craves from dolls, who is not expressive by nature? would dolls be able to keep up emotionally with someone who is so /on/ all the time, who needs so much and asks so much? they also carry the same kinds of guilt, i think. they both have things they feel guilty about, things that have changed the course of their life and in both cases (in my uneducated opinion) i think these things that cause guilt are in some way a part of who they are. they have to look in the mirror and face themselves when they believe that their very nature and legacy is tied to this terrible guilt. and the entire reason people need them and that they can now do /good/ is because of this guilty thing. i think they both need someone who can relate to that feeling. but at the same time, maybe they need someone who can approach it without those kinds of conflicting feelings. i also think that wynonna is (once again) more hopeful and optimistic than dolls. she sees in him someone better than he thinks he is, and he sees the same in her. she gives him a reason to maybe hope that he can be better, and that they can make the world better. he gives her a way to make the world what she’s always known was in it. he gives her a chance to prove to herself that she is good and she is worth it and he believes in her every step of the way.

              doc adds something to this dynamic as well. he provides the midpoint between dolls and wynonna. in some of the ways that they are opposites he can provide a middle ground between the pair. he can do quiet and controlled (sorta) and he can do wildly emotional. hes always been adaptable. while he is naturally an emotional person, he has far longer been a person who is good with people and that requires give and take. hes a con man. he can play the waiting game. and he may not like it much, but he can wait with the best of them. and when wynonna needs emotions freely given (not dragged out like pulling teeth) he can do that as well. and when dolls needs /time/ and a moment to pull himself together and a break, doc knows when to back off and let things sit for a bit (wynonna’s not so good at that, so sometimes he disappears and takes wynonna with him and dolls is so grateful, but he’ll never say)

doc and dolls. these two have less time together in canon where they arent fighting so its a bit harder to predict their relationship, but i think they fit. they would be the kind of couple that constantly fights and bickers, but theyre there for each other in quiet ways. theyre not as vocal about their feelings as wynonna is, they show their feelings in actions instead of words (wynonna just needs to be /heard/ and acknowledged and listened to. she spent so many years of not that, she cant go back). they can bond over sometimes just needing to make a fuss, over both of them being the type to get things done, over “the ends justify the means” (wynonna is a survivor, but her continual hope and belief in /goodness/ means that sometimes she will sacrifice the most practical option for the right option). they also get along in some of the ways that dolls and wynonna get along. dolls is still a steady presence for doc and doc is still a motivator for dolls to share. they both have high respect for each other and they both are unstoppable when they get a goal in mind

                where wynonna comes in here is more integral than the other dynamics. for all that doc and dolls are in many ways good for each other, they are not the kind of people that each one would normally go for. shes really what brought them into each other’s orbit. and with her they are able to avoid the kind of pessimism and bitterness that they may otherwise fall into. wynonna may not know it, but she has the kind of personality that can inspire people. in another life she is a natural leader. people follow her without questioning, she’s charismatic and she’s the head of some sort of movement. in this life, she draws people in and keeps a few very close and very loyal.  doc and dolls have such opposing ideologies that their similarities and differences that make them good for each other may not have even gotten the chance. but with wynonna’s tendency to draw people in and keep them close, and her ability to love so fiercely, and her unique combination of experience and beliefs that put her in line with both ideologies bring them together and allow them to grow together.

so as a group i just like the idea that these three have a constant push and pull between them, where they can see each other in ways that not everyone can, and they have such unique experiences that only they can relate to. they all believe in the best of each other even when they dont see it in themselves, and through this they all help each other to be better and inspire themselves to try to be their best. besically these three beautiful, badass, stubborn assholes have my heart and i think they all shoul dhave each other’s.

[beapositiveimpact]

Lights And Shadows (pt 2)

For the next six months, Jimmy settles into a daily ritual. To allow him time to grieve, his manager shortens his hours at Macy's for a few months, so he is down to doing only five hour shifts, mostly nights. This gives him opportunity to wander the city he loves so well. He becomes accustomed to waking up at eight each morning and quietly has his usual cup of coffee and a cinnamon bagel on a bench overlooking Dolores Park. Some mornings instead of going back home, he walks through the Mission district, past the home he grew up in, the farmers markets he would go shopping at with his Grandmother and the places he played as a boy. Other days, he rides the streetcar out to the beach. He walks across the dunes of the Great Highway, then goes north along Ocean Beach. At that hour and the changing from fall to winter, it's usually not too busy with tourists and others walking in the morning breeze. He may notice a few surfers getting in or out of their wetsuits across from the apartment complex where Playland on The Beach used to be. Jimmy only slightly remembers Playland with all the rides and the Fun House that had that terrifying automated laughing woman at the entrance. He was taken there when he was a small child and she was supposed to be fun and welcoming but instead she gave him nightmares for months. Then at some point, Playland was closed because of all the motorcycle gangs that began to hang out there and eventually, it was torn down. Sometimes Jimmy still has a nightmare with that laughing woman. As he goes further north, he occasionally notices a growing amount of summertime tourists in and around Cliff House and the remains of the Sutro Baths. His aunt told him that this area was an impressive mansion-style restaurant that overlooked the beach and included a massive public pool area. The restaurant survived the 1906 earthquake but was burned to the ground in a fire in 1907 and then rebuilt a number of times while the baths were recognized as a big expense with very little profit and also burned to the ground so they were demolished in 1966, leaving only steps that lead nowhere and the foundations of the structures that used to attract the city's residents for a stylish swim. He walks up and around the bend, through the parking lot to a small wooden bench overlooking Lands End. When he was a teenager, he would hike down to the beach at Lands End and sunbathe and meet other young men who were exploring their developing sexuality. One time, he and another young man from college were caught by a park ranger having sex in the bushes. Jimmy felt brave enough to point out the ranger's not so sublet enthusiasm and invited him to set aside his badge, and uniform, and join in. The ranger took only a few seconds to be rid of his formalities and pants. From his favorite spot on a bench above Lands End, Jimmy can look out over to the left and see the Pacific Ocean or to his right and view where the ocean goes into the San Francisco Bay. Some days, he sits and watches the birds fly by or the hikers wander the trails below down to the secluded, mostly gay and very cruisy, nude beach. Most days he will read a little from the latest vampire thriller while listening to the waves below and feel the breeze on his face. Sometimes he'll eat a banana or an apple and think of Drew. After a while, he walks over to catch the bus heading east and then he transfers onto the 22 Fillmore which takes him to his little basement apartment that he shared with the love of his life. On days off, he goes for walks along Ocean Beach, half-listening to the sound of the waves, barely noticing if there is anyone else on the beach. Sometimes he sleeps in and goes to watch whatever afternoon matinee is playing at the Castro Theater. While Drew was alive, they had been involved with various community groups, one for helping Gay youth, one for keeping tabs on better Gay representation in movies and television, and there were the regular fundraisers for AIDS organizations. That was all put on hold for Jimmy, for now. On rare occasions, friends talk him into meeting up at one of the many bars in the neighborhood for Happy Hour. Without Drew, his life feels like it has as much substance as the TV dinner that he has every night. He does what he has to do to not look like the mess that he feels he is inside and performs what is necessary to pay his rent. Life is a pattern of functioning. Not much more. He started again with a weekly shift at the AIDS Quilt headquarters on Market street but he only does it to get away from the tv once in a while. He doesn't have the heart or enthusiasm to attempt much more than that. Not yet. Sometimes he wonders if life will ever interest him again. Once in a while, he gets a call from a caring friend. Sometimes it's a call from a relative who's worrying about him living by himself in the big, lonely city. Whoever it is, the conversation is usually about the same. "Hi Jimmy. It's your Auntie Cora. How're you doing." Hi Cora. I'm fine. How are you? I'm just about to get ready for work." "Are you eating okay. Do you need help with grocery money?" "I'm fine. Eating lots of Mac and cheese and ramen." "Honey, you need to eat more than that stuff. I'll put a check in the mail today. And I want you to use it this time. Don't you send it back in a thank you card again. Are you going out with your friends much?" "I know what you're hinting at and I'm not ready to get back out there." "You lost a good friend. You should go out and make new friends." "He wasn't my friend, Aunt Cora." "What?" "He was my lover. He was my companion. He was my life partner. If this world wasn't so heartless, he would've been my husband." " I understand your pain and I am sorry for your loss but..." "I know you understand as much as you are able to but you really don't know what I'm going through." "Now Jimmy, when I lost your Uncle Raymond..." "When you lost Uncle Raymond, you were able to take time off to grieve. When you lost Uncle Raymond, you are given a flag for his time in the army. When you lost Uncle Raymond, you were able to be honest about what killed him and give him the burial he wanted. And you were respected as someone that lost the love of her life instead of being seen as a pervert who gets what he deserves." "You know I don't believe that about you. It's all just so difficult for me to take it all in. And I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid that you will give up on your life. I'm afraid that you will no longer see the good things in the world. I'm afraid that you won't get past this. And I'm afraid that you will forget that you have people that are still here and love you. I know it's not the same as the love you shared with Drew. But it's love just the same. And I'm concerned. I can't help but be afraid that AIDS will take you too." "I'm sorry Aunt Cora. I know you mean well. It's just hard for me to hear it sometimes. And I didn't get the virus. Everyone around me has it but I'm still healthy as a horse. And sometimes, I admit that sometimes I hate myself for that." "Don't you get that survivors guilt that I've been reading about. It may not make sense right now but someday you'll understand why you're okay. And you'll be grateful." "Maybe. Maybe this will just slowly take us all. Maybe this apocalypse will kill a whole generation and no one will ever know what the world lost in art, literature, fashion or just plain good people." "And you are all good people. So we can't let that happen, right?" "Auntie Cora, I have to head out to work. Thank you for calling. And I promise I'll try to start eating better." "And get out more too." "Okay, I'll try. But only for you." "What about that nice man Frank? He seemed to care a lot about you?" "Oh, Cora, Frank is a great guy but we're just friends." "But he's so handsome and intelligent." "And he prefers his boys to be a little, well, less independent than me. I'll tell you all about it another day. I love you Auntie Cora. Take care of yourself." "I love you too. You sell lots of expensive shoes to those uppity women from downtown. Be sure to pay attention to what they look at before you approach them. And notice their watches so you pick out the ones with lots of money. Love you, mi cariño." "Love you too. Bye." As Jimmy tightens his tie, he says to himself," maybe Cora's right. Maybe I should see what Frank is up to tonight. But I'm not going anywhere near his dungeon." Jimmy grabs his brown buckskin backpack that Drew gave him last Christmas, his dark blue blazer and a pack of Marlboro lights from the coffee table and heads out the door. As usual, he stops just outside the door, turns around, comes back in, grabs the silver lighter of the kitchen table and walks out again. "Yes Drewy, as you always say. I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached ." In 1959, the first known case of HIV occurred in a man who died in the Congo. His blood samples were preserved and years later it was confirmed that they had the virus. Also, in June of the same year, a 49 year old Haitian-American shipping clerk in New York died of pneumocystis carinii pneumonia. The case was so unusual that the attending physician preserved the man's lungs for later study. It was believed that he also had the AIDS virus.