#and make those stupid posts like ‘x character may be evil but they would NEVER be racist/sexist/homophobic/etc’

[devoutlywished]

[spaceumbredoggos]

However fucked up Alex reveals Bill and Ford’s relationship is revealed to be in The Book Of Bill, Kenz and Bill’s is a hundred times worse.

Disclaimer: I am not glorifying abuse in any way shape or form. I myself have had nightmares similar to this despite never being sexually abused, both Bill related and otherwise. Some of these are based on personal experience (such as the nightmares), whilst others are a device used to show how fucked up shipping Bill with pretty much anyone is. Not even the Axolotl is safe in my opinion. If Bill was real, I’d guarantee he’d probably be a massive creep and with how thirsty his fankids are (and I’m calling myself out here) he’d probably use his magic to g*oom those kids like a church pastor. The thing that scares me the most about Bill being canonically real is not that he could catastrophically end the world, it’s his oversexualization in the fandom that got so bad, Alex himself had to make him unattractive. This will be along the lines of a Yandere Bill Cipher x Reader headcanons. With that being said, here’s a few content warnings:

G*ooming, Pedoph*lia, s*xual abuse and assault, physical and psychological abuse, mind control, cult-like things, psychosis, and general paranoia. I’m not saying these things actually happened, but knowing Bill’s character and his powers and history, if he was real, I’d generally be afraid for anyone in the Gravity Falls fandom. Especially minors.

This could be my most controversial post yet, and it could jeopardize any potential of getting into some colleges. This may sound like paranoid rambling, but I know that Bill is just a cartoon character. That being said, Alex like the blur the line between our world and the world of gravity falls with Bill’s character, dicing around the fact that he’s influenced history and wrote all religion on the basis of a lie. I’m not scapegoating him as “controlling global politics on a massive scale” because that would be stupid and I’ll sound like those tin foil hat rednecks that snort moonshine and burn pride flags. My heart goes out to all those who have been impacted by all forms of abuse as an abuse survivor myself. Alex, if you see this post (or any other of my posts/ read my fanfics), just know that it’s a critique on the fandom and the canon lore, and a cautionary warning to avoid lawsuits in case The Book of Bill Cipher causes mass psychosis.

As a kid (ages 7-9) I would watch Gravity Falls casually. At that age, the only thing I consumed online content wise was Skylanders and Minecraft content (Skylanders until age nine, then it was pretty much a lot of Team Crafted, Popularmmos, DanTDM, and other Minecraft YouTubers.) I didn’t invest in the Gravity Falls fandom until I was eleven (that’s when I first started writing my fanfics. The drafts are long gone because they were on school computers that were crammed with viruses due to kids installing Minecraft mods (this was just before chromebooks became mainstream. I went to a special ed middle school specifically for autistic individuals (it was pretty ableist, gonna make a post on that.) so the rules on what was allowed in school were pretty loose content wise. It didn’t have to be educational, as long as it didn’t have blood or guns. There were no safe search filters or Go Guardian (I remember one of my friends accidentally finding Iris from Pokemon black and white vore. I also found Pacifica vore.)) Before that, the February before my tenth birthday, my dad took my TV out of my room due to behavioral issues (undiagnosed autism go brrr). Around that time, there was talk in my town that the Disney channel was “rotting kids minds” with bad attitudes and crude humor (this could be said about any child’s television network (I mean, look at Nickelodeon.) but I lived in a pretty conservative area of Southern California and had a pretty conservative dad. So naturally, Disney was the scapegoat (this was way before the “woke” era of Disney.)) All of this talk of Brainrot made me stop watching the Disney channel during the peak era of gravity falls (2015 as a whole) and I didn’t watch gravity falls again until summer of 2016 when my tv was put back in my room (with intense parental controls so that I couldn’t watch my vet shows.) That’s when I had my first gravity falls dream about Bill cipher. It had to do with getting unicorn hair to protect my house from Bill Cipher. I had an interest in dreams previously due to warrior cats. It was at that moment when Gravity Falls was added to the obsession list.

As a neurodivergent eleven year old surrounded by other neurodivergent preteens and teens, we found common ground talking about Gravity Falls at school. I also would, whenever I didn’t feel the prying eyes of the grown ups or my peers would go off outside and act out my gravity falls x pokemon x warrior cats fanfiction (I’m not sure if those are signs of maladaptive daydreaming disorder or I simply had an intense imagination that would consume my body and make me want to just act out my fanfictions outside. I don’t do this anymore, mostly because of my own embarrassment and I can just write it out.) Yes, there were times where the discussion or action played out Bill Cipher being real. A lot of my “play” as I called it back then was me being kidnapped or possessed by Bill. I even wrote some really cringey fanfics involving my friends and Bill Cipher. To this day, I still involve my family in my fanfiction, but more final drafts will have their names changed. Weirdmaggeddon was a common topic, as well as Bill Cipher possession.

As time went on, I had more dreams about Bill Cipher, fueling the obsession and the fact that Bill could be real. During my middle school years, I never had a crush on Bill Cipher, despite what my friends seem to think. My parents just took it as whatever and as long as I was happy and just working towards going to a neurotypical non-sped school. My crush on Bill Cipher didn’t start until I was in high school. I remember it specifically being Valentine’s Day 2020 when I learned that I have a crush on the triangle. My dreams of Bill would only get more frequent and worse from here (involving the typical horny teenage dream that I don’t want to elaborate because I feel weird doing so (you’ll see why later on.))

Now there’s typically nothing wrong with having a cartoon crush. Given any other cartoon character that doesn’t have a canon history of influencing this world (Bill’s history of influence is vague but it still counts) I would excuse this as another silly cartoon crush like PurpleCliffe simping for Cynthia and the like. However, given that it’s in the show’s canon that Bill could be real and he crossed over to our world, do you understand what implications this could have? Bill is trillions of years old, he’s likely seen every timeline to ever exist. Meanwhile, there are whole armies of fankids who are down bad for him (including me.)

Notice how when I first started getting into Gravity Falls that I didn’t have a crush on him. How many other fankids felt the same way? It wasn’t until years of obsessing over Gravity Falls did I develop feelings for him. And of Alex says in the Book of Bill Cipher what I think he’s going to say (that Bill probably ab*sed Ford sexually with possible g*ooming involved), notice the pattern that is being presented here? Alex, if you blur the lines between fiction and reality with a villain who may or may not have canonically g*oomed and abused someone, possibly using mind control given his powers and his role as a dream demon, could it really be so far fetched that… (I’m not going to say it because it’s leaving a sour taste in my mouth, but use your imagination.)

If we take Alex’s word that Bill has crossed over to our world, then we can only assume that there are vulnerable kids and adults being… You get the picture. I’m not explicitly saying that it is happening right now, but this is problematic because revealing that Bill ab*sed Ford in that way means that Alex would probably imply that Bill is doing the same to MINORS. I may sound paranoid and this may just be a ramble, but considering the show’s canon and how mythology is filled with cases of degenerative acts from deities, this is a really fucked up situation.

It may be funny to say “haha, evil triangle man is sexy” but at the end of the day, Alex stated that Bill has crossed over into our world. For all we know, he could be taking advantage of the fact that people thirst for him, probably not in pleasant ways.

[maxwell-grant]

May I please ask where you set the boundaries when constructing a crossover? (i.e. How far are you willing to bend characterisation of the setting a character's adventures take place in and of the individual characters themselves to make this crossover work? How many settings are you actually prepared to smush together before you feel you're losing more than you gain in this mix? and so forth).

I could be off the mark here, but this question sounds like you yourself got a very big idea planned but you are unsure of how far you can, or want to, push the concept. Two words of advice upfront: 1: Stop overthinking it, and 2: Run your ideas by people whose judgment you know and trust. I run some of my biggest and stupidest ideas by friends of mine and they help me make them less stupid or at least stupider but in a better way.

I mentioned in my post about potential Shadow crossovers that "boundaries" are not the priority to fret over so much as having a good working knowledge of the characters. And part of that is because a crossover, by design, already constitutes the breaking of boundaries. That's by default what a crossover does. You don't wanna test or break boundaries, then you picked the wrong kind of story.

A crossover is still a story like any other. Two characters meeting is not a story, it's a premise. You don't start a story by defining where it can't go, before you've even decided where you want to take it. Some boundaries are important, others aren't. Some boundaries are hard-coded and unbreakable, and others HAVE to be broken for the story to work, and the process of deciding which is which is easier when you have a clearer idea of what are the characters and what is the story you want to tell, and what you can and can't do with either. You gotta understand the properties you're working with, or at least, understand WHY you want to work with them and make this crossover happen in the first place.

For example, you could, very easily, write a crossover between The Shadow and The Spider, just by going through the motions. They are urban vigilantes with fairly similar designs who live in the same time period and fight crime with their supporting casts. I'm sure most writers offered the job wouldn't think twice of putting them together. But as someone who's read their stories quite extensively and who likes and obsesses over both characters, I would not cross over the two, because their stories and characters are fundamentally incompatible with each other in a more "serious" narrative, and you could not merge the two without seriously fraying one or the other.

It's a story that doesn't work, with characters that are not supposed to function together or in each other's narrative real estate, even with a character as malleable as The Shadow. This doesn't mean that it's impossible to write a good Shadow and Spider crossover, but to me, personally, these two are hard-line incompatible. That is, if it's a crossover based specifically on these two, because that changes if said crossover expands to more characters, as I'll get into.

Regarding the question:

How far are you willing to bend characterisation of the setting a character's adventures take place in and of the individual characters themselves to make this crossover work?

By default, any crossover is already going to have to create new settings from scratch based on relevant bits and pieces from the properties in question, so you do get more leeway for bending it.

But regarding characters, it's a question that cannot have a unified answer, because it's even more so dependant on a case-by-case basis. You could argue "only as much as necessary for the story to work", sure, but that's not really a good answer, because a story can do anything it's author wants to, and sometimes the story is not good to begin with, or the characters are just not made for being in the same narrative or even partaking in a crossover to begin with.

No amount of justifications for a story or characterization can excuse an unsatisfying result. Joe Yabuki and Guts are two of my favorite manga protagonists, but there would be no point to even attempting to put them together in the same story, because you'd have to twist either their narratives or their characters past the point of recognizability, which defeats the purpose of making a crossover to begin with.

Like, yeah, we've all heard the argument that Zack Snyder's Superman makes sense in the context of his movies, doing his own thing. Sure. But there's a reason any discussion of that character in the context of Superman in general comes prefaced with "Zack Snyder's" first, and why mainstream audiences who earnestly looked forward to Batman V Superman walked away feeling cheated, because, to borrow RLM terms here, they got "MurderMan vs Captain Hypocrite", and you can't even tell which is which in that description. You gotta give audiences at least a bit of what you promised them.

How many settings are you actually prepared to smush together before you feel you're losing more than you gain in this mix?

This one actually DOES depend on the story, because most stories that aren't just short narratives require multiple settings for it's scenes. Chances are your narrative will already be combining multiple settings, because setting is a word that can refer to "Korea during the Joseon dynasty", "spaceship traveling through lost nebulas" and "the McDonalds parking lot", as if they are the same thing. And in a way, when you look at a narrative's bones, they basically are.

To an extent, I think opening yourself up for a massive crossover of multiple properties of different characters and settings can, indeed, be a better choice than just going off purely by X meets Y. You start off by making it very clear to the audience that the boundaries are thin and you will be breaking them, and you use said framework to instead tell a myriad of stories, big and small. Stories that you couldn't really tell if you stuck to an existing framework or defined strongly the boundaries you can't cross. I'm gonna use Smash Bros as an example:

Smash Bros is arguably the biggest "official" crossover of all time, and it doesn't really have a "story" other than the basic framework that the series was built on, that these were representations of Nintendo icons dueling it out, and the few details that used to define this in the older days (like the characters being trophies and copies, and not the real deal) have been basically pushed aside. The most story you get in Smash nowadays is in the form of what the trailers showThe "point" of Smash was never really to tell a big, dramatic story with these characters. And maybe you really can't tell this kind of story, or a good story, with this many characters to juggle.

But they tried it once.

I'm sure most of you who do remember Brawl, as anything other than the blistering shame of the franchise that it's treated as these days, remember it mainly because of Subspace Emissary, which was this big, dramatic storyline where the end of the world was at stake and all the characters had to pull their weight to fight it. Subspace didn't have dialogue, it didn't have much story other than characters going from scene to scene while fighting, several of the characters either got nothing to do or were written poorly (mostly Wario), and none of this mattered at all, because Subspace, I'd argue, was the one and only time Smash Bros ever really recaptured that childhood feeling of smashing toys together that the franchise was built on.

Because if you remember being a kid smashing toys together, you remember not just doing it because you wanted Max Steel to kick Cobra Commander's butt. No, you did it because you wanted to tell a story where Max Steel got trapped in a rapidly filling water tank along with He-Man's Battle Cat while Cobra Commander kidnapped Max's girlfriend April O'Neil and bombed the city, and Max Steel had to talk Battle Cat into not eating him so they could together save the city and April from evil, and so they reconciled their differences and saved the day. Those things mattered to you. They were the stories you could tell with the resources you had in hand, sagas you did for the sheer fun of it, regardless of whether they were "good", you probably didn't even think of that. Why would you? You had bigger things to do.

And that's what Subspace did. It was big and dramatic and the world was at stake and all these heroes were coming together. Ness sacrificing himself to Wario so Lucas could have a chance to run away. Diddy Kong dragging along seasoned Star Fox pilots to rescue his buddy. Samus and Pikachu forming a bond. Peach stopping a deadly battle just by offering tea. ROB's story arc culminating in actual genocide, hell, ROB having a story arc to begin with. To a lot of people who played Brawl as one of their first games, this would have been their "introduction" to a lot of these characters in any sort of narrative, and to characters like ROB or Ice Climbers, this would have been the only chance they would ever get to be part of a great big dramatic narrative. Hell, Pit sure looked like he was on the same boat at the time, until Smash brought the Kid Icarus franchise back from death, and now Smash is where characters or properties get to stay relevant or at least on life support (Captain Falcon), or make glorious comebacks (King K.Rool). Brawl was what destroyed the idea of there being boundaries as to who could get in Smash or what kind of story could be told within it.

And people don't seem to recall this nowadays, but Brawl was when Smash exploded in fan content, specifically inspired by Subspace. This was the period of the Machinima craze and the fan mods galore and fan remixes and fan art and fan headcanons and fan films, and suddenly it hit people that, just because the games couldn't accomodate the stories they could tell with the premise, didn't mean that they couldn't start telling them on their own. We even got the formerly longest piece of English fiction off of it. The devotion Melee inspired in competitive players, Brawl did for artists and creators who got their start off in Smash fan content.

And because of it, suddenly a lot more people started writing stories with ROB and Ice Climbers and Pit and Captain Falcon and so on than there would have ever been if it wasn't for Brawl and Subspace. Smash gave ROB a story the character likely would have never gotten otherwise. And if you don't grasp what I'm getting at because you still think that fan content is a long way from being "official" or at least respectable, I don't know what you're doing following someone who rants about pulp fiction all day.

The point I want to get across is, boundaries in a crossover are important, yes, they exist for a good reason, but the boundaries should be defined by the story and characters and whatnot, not the other way around. Boundaries in fiction exist to be crossed or tested, they exist to tell you where you can't go so you can try to do so anyway and either fly high or crash.

Sometimes, bending or twisting characters and settings can be both a grave sin, as well as the thing that allows them to survive. Sometimes there are rules that seem unbreakable until someone breaks them without trying. And sometimes, going big and stupid and carefree over-the-top is either the worst, or the best outcome. It's fiction, taking risks and having fun is part of it.

So I'm afraid I thankfully cannot give your question a universal answer.

[morizoras-cave]

Paper Bag (Request)

MCU Cast x gn!teen!co-star!reader

Genre: angst, fluff

Request Description: Hope i am not bothering you but can i request one of avengers cast x teen!reader,where the reader gets acne and they think their ugly so they put a paperbag over their face but the cast notices and they ask them what's wrong and the reader removes their bag and say that they are ugly but the cast is like its normal to have it and you're beautiful.

Warnings: insecurity, self hatred, body hate, language

(A/N): berlin was AWESOME. i slept the ENTIRETY of yesterday so today i will post as well as tomorrow and monday too! enjoy the fics (hopefully) :D

You’d been in Marvel movies as a returning character for years. Your character was growing up, just as you were, and you loved every moment spent with the cast. They’d known you since you were about 6, and your bond with them was as real as could be. 

Knowing them all for so long, you’d been able to tell them most of your problems. The early problems with fame, love troubles, friendship drama, and general weird thinking about the world. They had in many ways raised you. 

But there was one thing - something that brought such a dark shadow of shame over you, so maddening and humiliating you’d never ever told them. You were insecure about how you looked.

It was ridiculous. I mean, you’d always kind of disliked your body type, and as you grew, you wished you had certain other features. Some of the insecurity came with fame, but the root of it just always seemed to have been there. 

That’s why when you looked in the mirror to see your first pimple, your reaction was not as simple as being bummed out. You felt disgusting. So disgusting, in fact, you stayed in your trailer and cried and cried and cried, and eventually covered your mirrors, because the reflection you saw was an evil taunt. It told you that you were ugly. 

But the mirrors being covered didn’t help. You couldn’t feel comfortable with the cast anymore, not knowing a bright red pimple adorned your usually untouched forehead. Not knowing you looked so stupid. Your mood was ruined, and your reflection was seemingly everywhere to bully you.

It reflected you on smooth surfaces, like counters and shelves, in glass and in bathroom mirrors. You cried each time you were reminded of your frank ugliness. It only worsened when you got several more pimples, and you felt yourself scrambling to fix everything, to stop the taunting that was so constant in your brain. 

The moment you pulled the paper bag over your head, it stopped. You were anonymous again. No fame, no beauty, no ugliness. Anonymity was a superpower. 

The first time you wore it, you only wore it at home, and then struggled the rest of the day with your crippling self hatred. After two days of this, you couldn’t resist it. Wearing it to work. You knew it looked weird, but you just wanted so, so desperately to feel comfortable again. 

“Woah, who’s that?” Anthony asked as you walked onto set that morning, paper bag resting on your shoulders, and three holes (two eyes, one mouth) cut into it. 

“It’s me,” you said curtly. It was a fair group of people you had accidentally run into. Anthony, Scarlett, Sebastian, Chris (Evans), and Elizabeth sat in the break room where you were trying to get some coffee in. You wanted to avoid everyone as long as possible. You knew your actions would raise questions (questions you really did not want to answer), so you’d planned to not speak to anyone outside of the filming. You would take it off in front of the camera, and then grab it as soon as possible, to minimise the agony and self hatred that had caused it in the first place. 

“Y/n? Why are you wearing a paper bag?” Scarlett’s joking tone signalled she (and probably the others too) thought it was a joke of sorts. A prank, maybe. You ignored her question and put a mug beneath the dispenser, pressing a couple of buttons. Coffee was dispensed. You waited silently. 

“Are you okay?” Sebastian called from the couch. 

“Yep.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. You just wanted to leave. If only wearing a paper bag everywhere was socially acceptable. 

“What’s with the paper bag, sweetheart?” Elizabeth asked worriedly. They had probably realised by now, that it was more than just a practical joke. You panicked. 

“I’m doing a.. It’s an experiment.. For school,” you lied. You went to pick up your mug, but, regretfully, you realised your hand was shaking. A lot. In fact, your entire body was shaking a little bit. They were just a little bit too close to the truth. To the shame.

You grabbed the mug and took it, backing out to exit the room, but you went to quick, hand slipping, and the mug as well as its contents spilled out onto the floor. The mug shattered and the hot, brown liquid flooded the floor. 

“Hey-” a hand found your shoulder, making you jump away and shriek. The paper bag rattled at the motion. It was Chris who’d walked up to you (very stealthily, may I add) and was now looking at you with those concerned blue eyes. “Are you okay, N/n? What’s wrong?” 

The mug was shattered. The coffee was on the floor. You had pimples on your forehead and you couldn’t stand yourself. You started crying. 

Silently crying, but visibly shaking, you lowered yourself to your knees on the floor, grasping your head through the paper bag in agony. You hated yourself. It was such a loud feeling. 

“Y/n..” you heard Chris mumble, squatting down next to you and stroking your back. The shuffling of feet came closer, until the cast was standing next to you. The paper bag rattled once more, as this time, you took it off.

“I’m so ugly. I’m so ugly, Chris, I can’t stand myself,” you sobbed, now audibly, tears running down your face and some dripping into the spilt coffee. You saw your reflection in the liquid, and shame overtook you once more. “I’m so ugly-”

“Stop. No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I’ve got- I’ve got pimples on my face and I-” you croaked, but broke off into a sob once more. 

“Hang on, is this about pimples?” Sebastian intercepted, stepping forward. You shook your head.

“No.. Well, yeah. But it’s just.. Everything. I always hated how I looked, and I.. This just made it worse, I guess..”

“Oh, sweetie..” Scarlett mumbled, as both her and Elizabeth pulled you up form the wetted floor, and into a hug. They rubbed your back and squeezed you tight. 

“You’re such a stunning young person, N/n. In every way. And pimples! They’re the most natural thing on the planet. I had pimples, Scarlett had pimples, Sebastian, Chris, Anthony! We’ve all had it,” Elizabeth said, as your raking sobs turned to sniffles in the ladies’ warm embraces. You nodded into her shoulder. 

“Please, believe me, N/n, when I say that you’re one of the most gorgeous humans I’ve ever encountered. Inside and out,” Scarlett’s voice had never seemed as comforting as then. 

“For the record, we don’t think you’re ugly either. You’re the definition of beautiful. I’d let my kids date you. And that’s a huge compliment!” Anthony jumped in, semi-jokingly, but gaze as serious as could be.

You wheezed a laugh. The pimples, that previously had seemed as bright and glowing as Rudolph’s red nose, seemed less significant now. Actually, you realised you’d never felt as comfortable as you did then. The insecurity that had had so many ties over you, had been cut loose. You were free and floating. 

You almost felt stupid for not telling them sooner. The confidence you felt, was something you’d never gotten to experience. 

You pulled away form Elizabeth and Scarlett, smiling and wiping your eyes. 

“Thank you, guys. I’m sorry for being so dramatic,” you giggled now, face puffy and cried-out, but still you felt beautiful. 

“Hey, no. You weren’t being dramatic. You were struggling with something and we helped you. Simple as that,” Sebastian said, ruffling your hair and smiling encouragingly. 

“And don’t hesitate to tell any of us, if you feel like this again. We will jump to comfort you at any time of the day,” Chris added, patting your shoulder. You wiped your eyes once more, smiling like a dork.

“Can I get a hug?” you asked. 

They hugged you, and you felt so loved and beautiful. You truly had somewhere, you thought, that you could always tell anyone anything. You had something so incredible. You had a family. 

___________________________

Tag List:

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[just-another-hhazbin]

Alright it is time to risk getting myself cancelled. Today we’re going to be talking about aspd, aka anti-social personality disorder.  I’m making this post because I haven’t seen one that discusses everything I wanna talk about so here we are.

What is anti-social personality disorder?  In the barest essentials, it is an emotional disorder where it is very difficult to empathize with other people and understand their emotions, have high levels of apathy, etc. Sometimes it also correlates with very low impulse control.

In other words, it’s what some of y’all like to call sociopathy and psychopathy.

Let’s get one thing clear first - sociopathy and psychopathy are not actual pscyhology-approved words. ASPD is. However, the media and culture (or at least American culture, which is what I have first-hand experience with) has villianized and exaggerated it into this common trend where every criminal or horror figure HAS to be a sociopath or psychopath. 

Yeah, as one does with mental illnesses. Thanks, Hollywood + Government.

So right off the bat - please I beg of you to stop using psychopath and sociopath to describe someone “crazy” or “evil.” Stop that. (I’m not saying never ever use the word. Some characters are gonna say slurs cause they be like that. But you, personally, should know better. And also stop putting it in your story summaries and character descriptions, goddamn.) 

You are perpetuating a false narrative. It is estimated that 1 in 100 people in America have ASPD. Someone you know probably has it, even if they haven’t been officially diagnosed or even know they have it. If they do know, they’re probably really damn sick of hearing that comparison. 

ASPD is also not an aesthetic, and you know exactly who you are. If you want the edgy serial killer aesthetic I am certainly not going to judge you, but for the love of everything leave aspd out of it.

Someone with ASPD is not emotionless.  That’s another false narrative we can chuck out the window. It is true that they might be quicker to temper or seem somewhat cold or analytical, but those are hardly traits limited to those with ASPD. Some people do have higher levels of apathy and/or narcissis than others, but none of us are robots so cut that generalizing shit out.

As with most things, ASPD is a spectrum with different levels of effect and functionality. Someone who is more affected by ASPD but has been to therapy may have a higher functionality than someone with a milder situation. 

Personal experiences shape individuals, shocking, I know.

Also, just because someone has ASPD does not mean that they cannot form relationships or friendships. It may be difficult to understand empathy but sympathy can often be managed, and it is possible to feel affection and friendship in some form for even the most severe cases. 

It also doesn’t mean that they can or will ever develop empathy. We are viewing the same world but with different lenses, and that is okay. 

We might not see friendships or relationships the same but that doesn’t mean we can’t form attachments or feel a sort of acknowledged possessiveness that is the equivalent for some of us.

That there is a lack of empathy doesn’t make someone a bad person. It is still possible for someone without empathy to look at a bad thing and know it exists and not do it because they have A) their own moral code that may not make sense to the normative lense or B) they have self-preservation and/or a basic understanding of social norms and fucking decency.

“But I know someone who did [x bad thing] and THEY were diagnosed with sociopathy/psychopathy!”

First off, I’d like to see who made that diagnossis, since again, those aren’t considered valid terminology by the majority of the modern psychology world. Secondly, I bet I can fiind at least a hundred to a thousand to a million people who did [x bad thing] and don’t have aspd. Correlation does not equal causation, people.

You don’t have to understand something to still choose to do it. We might not understand why someone would be affected by x action, but we can choose what impact we make. There is no little sociopath/psychopath demon running around in our head laughing maniacally and pressing “evil” buttons. (This is a thing that therapy can help with though, especially for some people. For others it’s more a matter of socialization and exposure and it’s a learning process for everyone, aspd or not.)

I would also like to take a moment here to say that if someone tries to excuse their abusive behavior with “I have aspd/[x mental illness here]” it is just that - an excuse. If they are in a situation where they really cannot control themselves, then it is time to go to therapy or call counseling services and in any case you yourself are in no way indebted to helping them or staying in a dangerous relationship.

Anyway, disclaimer over, moving on.

A lot of this has been discussed around, so here’s onto something I’ve been seeing a lot of recently, especially in fandom and certain LGBTQ+ spaces, and am getting really sick of.

ASEXUALITY, AROMANTICISM, AND ASPD DO NOT HAVE TO BE LINKED

The ace =/= aro argument has already been said a thousand times, but I’ll say it again. Both asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums and they do not go hand in hand. People who want sex might not want love and people who want love might not want sex and, once again, that is OKAY. 

Now, onto the aspd factor - lately I’ve been seeing a lot of people saying “oh, such and such character is ace/aro/acearo, they MUST have aspd [or other terms]” or “such and such is a psychopath/sociopath and SO, they’re aro.”

Stop that.

Seriously.

Someone may very well have aspd and be ace, or aro, or acearo. But once again, correlation does not equal causation. I do get that on some level it’s understandable to play someone with aspd as aromantic in particular, but the lense is far too narrow, especially when it turns into a “must” situation.

Maybe what you would consider “romantic love” isn’t the same as someone with aspd would consider “romantic love,” but that doesn’t mean that they don’t experience it. Individuals have their own individual identities and definitions. 

There aren’t unbreakable chains attaching aspd, asexuality, and aromanticism together. It is perfectly okay to be all of those things at once or have a character that is all of those things, but please remember that they are all independent traits and are spectrums that show themselves in a variety of ways.

Also, don’t call being aromantic or asexuality a mental illness. Seen that one making the rounds again too and it’s fucking stupid. Stop it and just admit to being ace/arophobic so I can block you and move on.

~Disclaimer that I am NOT a psychologist, just a tired bastard.~

[starrynite7114]

things you never knew: one

A/N: So, I know things you never knew have been up, but I have decided to revamp it. It’s much different from before, but I hope you all will still enjoy it! I’ve decided to add a few more characters including a love interest for EZ. 

Snapshots should be posted by the end weekend and Misconstrued should be posted by the middle of next week. I’m also making my way through requests!

Masterlist

If you want to be added to the tag list, please let me know!

Tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic : @ifoundmyhappythought : @woahitslucyylu : @enamoured-x : @encounterthepast : @marvelmaree : @thickemadame : @carlaangel86: @iambabyharry​ : @gemini0410​ : @claytoncardenasbabymama​ : @sadeyesgf​ : @elcococruz​ : @chibsytelford​ : @everyhowlmarksthedead​ : @agirllovespasta​ : @jadert15​ : @trulysuccubus​ : @whyisgmora​ : @briannab1234​ : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass​ : @gemini0410

Gif Credit: Bai-feng-jiu

Today was the day.

Angel has been counting down the days till Ailee was released.

His ex-girlfriend. His former best friend. 

The one he let slipped through his finger tips.

Well, it wasn’t actually his fault, to some extent. He held on to her even after she was sentenced, but she cut all of them off.

He couldn’t blame her.

They let her take the fall.

He was supposed to catch her, but he didn’t. He tried, but every attempt he made, he was blocked off.

She never forgave him and he couldn’t blame her.

He insisted on going with Creeper, Jin, Michael, and Vince, but they declined adamantly, not wanting to further upset her. 

But it didn’t make sense.

He knew who her family was connected to, he knew they could get her out, but she served her time and was released on good behavior. 

Every time he tried to see her, he wasn’t let in due to him being a part of the ‘no visit’ list. All of his fellow brothers realized that they were all part of this list, she didn’t want any of them to visit her. Felipe was able to visit her once, but he never spoke a word of it. He just told Angel to give her time and Angel just took that.

He never gave up, every weekend for two years he tried to see her, but he was never allowed inside. He even wrote her letters and no reply, ever. 

She took the fall for the MC, drug and weapons trafficking charge, a ten year sentence since it was her first offense.

“You didn’t go to Stockton?” EZ questioned when he saw his brother walk in the clubhouse.

“Nope, they wouldn’t let me.” He sat down across his brother, tapping his fingers on the table. 

“Never stopped you before.” EZ placed a beer on the bar.

“You’ve met Jin, he can be quite imposing.” Angel took a swig, sitting in front of his brother. “She wouldn’t want to see me.”

“Has she reached out?”

Angel scoffed. “No, but once she’s back, I don’t give a fuck. We’re going to talk whether she wants to or not.”

==============

Ailee walked down the long hall outside the prison, fences on either side of her as she walked out. Carrying her bag that held the items she brought in with her, she internally groaned as she saw who was waiting for her by the gate. 

It was her cousin, Creeper. 

Though, she was glad it was only him. She blocked out all of the Mayans. How did he know she was getting out today?

Her eyes drifted to the side and saw her Tio Jin, who was in his prim and proper suit. Creeper and Jin got along well so he most likely informed him of her release date.

“Prima,” Creeper fondly greeted her with open arms.

“You shouldn’t be here.” She walked away from him and towards Jin, lesser of two evils, the one who didn’t betray her. 

“Lee, come on man, you know we tried to help you out.” Creeper reasoned as he followed after her.

“Still served five years, primo.” Her last word was laced with venom, turning to face her cousin causing him to halt his steps. “Stay the fuck away from me. You, Bishop, Taza, Hank, Coco, Riz, Gilly, and more importantly Angel.”

She handed her bag to Michael, her tio’s second in command. Slipping inside the car, she wasn’t surprised when she saw her older brother, Vince, sitting in the front seat. He smirked at her, handing her a cellphone.

“Welcome back to the outside world.” Vince smirked. 

“It’s not like I was in there long.” She moved towards the window, leaving room for Jin to sit.

“Yeah, how long were you there? Just for the dramatics, everyone believes five when in reality, we just dropped you off this morning.” Vince chuckled. “You know we could have looped them in, they’ve been riddled with guilt.”

“So you didn’t tell them that you let me get apprehended just so you can make me an offer I couldn’t refuse?” Ailee shook her head. It was complicated in some sense. She was truly arrested for keeping the drugs and weapons the Mayans had at the back storage of her coffee shop. But what they didn’t know was that her Tio Jin swept in before she truly was indicted, he offered her a choice. 

==============

Jin entered her cell, making Ailee groan. This was the last fucking thing she needed. 

“Told you he was trouble.” He leaned against the wall opposite of her bed. 

“With all due respect tio, is there a point for your visit?” Ailee sat crossed leg on her bed. She’s been in jail for two weeks, refusing to see anyone. She couldn’t believe Angel could be so stupid to temporarily store drugs and guns in her coffee shop. 

“I tipped them off.” He nonchalantly informed her.

Ailee laughed. “Of course you did, may I ask why?”

“You belong with Maquina, Gracie. You were born and bred to serve our cause.” 

“And you saw this as an opportunity to screw me over? To offer me immunity so I have no choice but to pay my debt to Maquina?” She never truly hated Maquina. It had a good message, an ideal one that benefited the many, sacrificed a few. 

A loophole to democracy.

A government agency, much like in the movies, that was operated in the shadows to keep the balance of power in the world. At times, people had to choose the lesser of two evils and Maquina was the one who did it for them. A government agency that only the few knew about as having such a powerful hand could not be known by people that could easily be corrupted, that could become power hungry. 

“You trained with your brothers, excelled in every field, yet, you chose to stay in that god forsaken town for a man who could never amount to anything.”

“You like Angel.”

“I like Angel, but not for you. Your potential far exceeds anything his mind could wrap around. You shouldn’t let your talent go to waste, Angel will always be there.” Jin did like Angel Reyes, but he was also a hindrance to his niece’s potential. Ailee could be his top agent by now, the best, yet she chose to stay in Santo Padre and be with that punk kid that had her wrapped around his finger since they were children. “He left those drugs and weapons in your shop, this was on him, the MC. They let you take the fall, not even coming to your rescue. They’re ruthless killers yet they couldn’t kill Frankie when he arrested you?”

“You’re the one who tipped them off.” Ailee narrowed her eyes at her tio, not at all in disbelief by his actions. “Why’d you do it? You told me you would respect my choice.”

“I did, and I was, but things change Ailee, you know that. This was the only way for me to grab your attention.” Jin knew it was unconventional, but Ailee would never willingly work for Maquina again. He knew why Ailee despised the organization. She went through hell during training, and when she decided to step away, it wasn’t easy either. He understood that his niece never experienced a normal childhood due to the organization, which was something she could never forgive. 

“And what has changed?”

“Your brother, Theo, he’s back.”

“My half-brother.” She corrected him, leaning back against the wall. 

Jin watched as his niece remained cool, calm and collected, which wasn’t a feat for Ailee. Things always didn’t seem to bother her. After those last six months she spent with Theo, Ailee changed. She didn’t mind to be part of Maquina at first, as long as Angel and the MC would never be dragged in. But then Theo sunk his claws into her and things changed. He saw glimpses of the old Ailee, but when she would do a mission, it was like she turned a switch off and did as she was told. It was a benefit for him, but he could see Ailee lose her light with every life she took. That’s why she ran to Santo Padre, the light she was holding onto was still there. “Regardless, he’s back.”

“And this is my concern why?”

“He’s going to come for you and when he does, he’s going to do everything he can to sway you his way. If he has to indict the Mayans, put them in harm's way, he will.” Jin explained. 

“So basically, the lesser of two evils.” Ailee chuckled, shaking her head. “Both want to use me as a means to overtake the other.”

Theodore Kane was Ailee’s half older brother on her mother’s side. She got on well with Theo. He always treated her like his younger sister and was never angry at the circumstances they were placed. But Theo was also an asshole. He knew the worth of a life and capitalized on it. Currently, he had a weapons manufacturing company and was exiled from America due to his father’s past actions. It was strictly enforced that he was not allowed on American soil and Theo blamed his half-siblings for this, so called misunderstanding.

“I take offense that you see myself and Theodore as evil entities.”

Ailee shrugged. “It wouldn’t be offending if it weren’t true. If I won’t work for you, what makes you think I’d work for Theo?”

“You feel that you owe your older brother for the way things played out with his father, how his father was taken out by a Maquina agent. He feels betrayed and rightfully so, but we had to eliminate every threat.” Jin didn’t understand as to why Theo was so upset that his father was killed. Of course, that was his father, so in that sense he understood, but from what he gathered, Theo planned on disposing of his father as well. “What happened those six months, Gracie?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Ailee, you came back from those six months with Theo changed, I don’t know what he did, what he said, but you can’t keep it in. You have to talk to someone about it.”

“It’s convenient you care now, but you were the one who pushed me to Theo since he was,” she paused, finding the right words to describe the reason as to why Jin wanted her close to Theo. “He didn’t follow your blueprint. Theo made Defande as a means to gain allies. You wanted to know what he had, I told you what he had, Eastern Europe. No matter who we put in place in Eastern Europe, there will be another player that can overtake it. The instability there is far too great. Theo thrives on that, he pinpoints your weakness and manipulates it every way possible to get the outcome he wants.”

“Is that what he did to you?”

“Doesn’t matter what he did to me, my point is, if Theo is remerging, he must have something or someone backing him.”

“You were close to Theo once.”

“I was close to everyone once.”

“Ailee, your brothers need you, maybe Theo can still be salvage.”

“You’re not recruiting me to stop Theo, you’re recruiting me to assure Theo doesn’t get his hands on me.” Ailee sighed, tired and bored with this conversation. “Tio, just get to the point as to why you’re here in my cell, it isn’t about Theo, he hasn’t made enough noise for him to be the problem.”

“I’ll offer you immunity, but I want you to go to Europe. Things are unsettled there and I need someone to go, someone I can trust.”

“You have hundreds of agents to choose from, why should I do it?”

“Cause you’re the only one who Alexander Leon trusts, with his father growing weaker each day, I need to assure that Alexander rightfully takes his place as leader of the Leon organization.”

Alexander Cross Leon. 

The eldest son of the Leon Organization. They were based in Germany and Italy, controlling cocaine trafficking around the EU. They used prime real estate to hide their true business. A quintessential crime family. Drugs, legit business, and murder.

Alexander was the eldest of three sons, the most cunning and untouchable of them all. His younger brothers were too caught up at the romanization of their crime organization. They used it to adhere to their means, to obtain status around the cities in Germany and Italy. But Alexander wanted to grow the business, to make it untouchable. He saw the benefit of allying himself with Maquina, but he also didn’t want to sell drugs any longer. He wanted the family to be clean, something his father himself wanted. The only problem was, it’s what they’ve known, it was hard to break profitable habits. 

“You want me to infiltrate their family.”

“No Lee, the Leon’s are already allied with us, I want you to make sure it remains that way.”

“The Leon’s need us, not the other way around.”

“Things change Ailee, the last thing we need is Theo sweeping in.” Jin sighed. “I’m on your side Lee, I can’t let you go to jail. They would gun for you.”

“No one knows of my connection with Maquina.”

“That’s not the point Lee.”

Ailee knee there was no escaping this. She knew Maquina wouldn’t actually let her lead a life without her at least being part of it. She didn’t want to stay in jail. 

It was the perfect plan. 

==============

“I never wanted to be a part of this world.”

“I know, but it’s in your blood. You would have eventually come Lee, Maquina is ours, it provides for us.” Vince reasoned. 

“Yeah, at the expense of what? Our souls?”

“You never had one.” It was a joke between him, John and Ailee, but as of late, it felt like she didn’t have one anymore. Killing came so easy for her. He rarely worked on missions with his sister but when he did, he saw the damage that’s been done and he would forever be ashamed of it. He wanted her to be a part of this world, while John was heavily against it. 

John believed that she was better off in Santo Padre, living a life they always wanted for her, away from Maquina. She always thrived well around the Reyes family, maybe it was due to the fact that they showed her what a true family could be. A loving mother and father, pesky sibling quarrels, and just a true family. John and Vince tried to provide that for their sister as their parents were highly ideal. Then they added Theo into the mix and it was a whole different fucking ball game. Their half-brother that their mother insisted they visited every summer. They were fine at first, like all siblings, they fought, but the way Theo dotted on Ailee, the way he was so kind to her, it never sat well with John and Vince. Maybe they were envious, but after what occurred all those years ago, it made sense. 

Ailee lost a part of herself during her time with Theo, it was when they all began the joke that she didn’t have a soul.

But she did have a soul, it was just unfortunately tied with Angel Ignacio Reyes.

==============

Opening the car door, she smiled when her eyes landed on her best friend, Olivia, who was waiting outside her new home in Santo Padre. 

“Liv!” Ailee enthusiastically greeted her.

“Look who's back.” Olivia always knew that Ailee wasn’t in prison, but she’s also been in Europe the last few years. She sporadically saw Ailee, but it was rare since her family didn’t want her back in Santo Padre. Which was why she found it odd that not only was she back, Maquina provided a permanent residency for her. “Your shadow isn’t here.”

“Yours isn’t either.”

“Ezekiel didn’t want to upset you.” Olivia grimaced. “He knows the situation.”

“He just got out, of course I’d want to see him.”

“He’s prospecting for the Mayans.”

Ailee chuckled, shaking her head. “Following in big brother’s footsteps. Being a Mayan seems so,” Ailee shrugged, “beneath Ezekiel.”

“Things are different now.”

“It is such wasted intelligence.” Ailee always felt terrible for Ezekiel. She asked her Tio Jin to help Ezekiel out, to offer him the same deal he offered her, but he said that he had no use for EZ. “What are you doing here Liv?”

“Came to surprise my best friend, she just got out of jail.” Olivia gave her a playful smile. “And well, I have the paperwork for the coffee shop.”

Olivia was EZ’s best friend much like Angel was Ailee’s. However, she remained just EZ’s friend even though she was in love with him. Emily has plagued EZ’s mind for so long that Olivia lost hope. Even now, it upset her how Emily still had EZ wrapped around her finger.

She was going to help Ailee run the coffee shop, which would serve as a front for the Maquina headquarters in Santo Padre. Due to the recent border issues, Jin thought it was time to set up shop and what better place than a place they were familiar with. Every coffee shop under Maquina was a front for their facilities. Ailee helped establish the coffee shop job for trainees and new agents. Working at a coffee shop or in the food business helped develop patience, efficiency, balance, and discipline. Many of their newer agents had trouble with said fields, so Ailee developed this training process. They had to work at a coffee shop for a minimum of two years to assure they have perfected their craft. 

Olivia was not a Maquina agent, she was Ailee’s right hand though. She continued to live in Santo Padre and traveled to Europe often. She remained friends with the Mayans and they tried to break her when it came to Ailee, but she kept her mouth zipped. Her loyalties would always lie with Ailee. Olivia did work for Maquina as a hacker on Ailee’s team. She didn’t need to be in Europe, but if there is a mission, she had to be available to assure the team’s success.

Ailee has five people in her team including herself. Olivia, her lead IT and hacker. Oscar, her sniper specialist, proficient in hand to hand combat as well. Andrew, the muscle of the group. Janine, her second in command, proficient with knives and hand guns. They all served a purpose and were a valuable asset to the team. 

Olivia always remained away from the action, Ailee not wanting to further involve her. Olivia could fight and could defend herself, but Ailee was very protective over her best friend. She was untainted, regardless of the exposure she got from Maquina. 

“Where is it located? Where are we at with the construction? Has it been checked by engineering?” Ailee fired off all these questions and Olivia just chuckled.

“Do you not know me? Everything is done, it is ready to open whenever you are.” 

“Just testing ya,” Ailee laughed, wrapping a shoulder around Olivia. They walked into the home Maquina had provided for Ailee.

Olivia whistled, shaking her head. “Maquina always provides.”

“Yeah, as long as you follow the rules, right Tio Jin?” Ailee knew it was a snide remark, but her tio seemed to let it slide.

Jin smirked. “Well, you’re the best at the agency, I have to provide for you.”

“I resent that.” Vince glared as his tio, flopping down on the couch. “So, when do we start?”

“Aren’t you going back to Europe?”

“No, Tio Jin and I felt that it would be better I’m here with you as well, just in case this isn’t a dead end and Theo truly is at the border.” Vince always worried for his sister’s well being. They all had expiration dates with Maquina, it’s hard to remain an agent for long. He knew his sister was itching to get out, but he also knew she had nowhere to go. “Is Alexander coming in?”

“Cross has to stay in Europe, he’s being groomed to take over, remember?” Ailee took off her jacket, sitting beside her older brother.

“Are you going to answer his proposal soon?” Olivia teased, sitting on Ailee’s otherwise.

“Proposal?” Jin turned towards his niece, raising an eyebrow. He sat on the couch across from the three, crossing his legs and leaning back. “Do tell me about your upcoming nuptials.”

“Haha,” Ailee flicked them all off. “There is no proposal, so no marriage.”

“Why are you still holding off, for Angel?” 

Olivia and Jin both cringed on the inside, they knew how sensitive of a subject Angel Reyes was for her. 

Ailee turned towards her brother, who already appeared apologetic. “Let’s do one round in the ring, I’m sure there’s a gym downstairs.” She stood up and went to her room to change, knowing everything was already set up for her.

Vince looked at Jin and Olivia who were both glaring at him.

“Yeah, I know, I deserve it.”

==============

Creeper walked into the clubhouse, all of his brothers anxiously waiting for his arrival. They all looked disappointed when they saw him walk in alone.

“Come on, you know her. She holds a grudge like no one I know.” Creeper walked up to EZ getting a beer from him. “It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“What doesn’t?” Bishop knew that Ailee would never forgive them. They let her rot in there. Every attempt they made to make amends with her was blocked off. He wasn’t sure if it was Jin or not, but he didn’t push it. 

“The way she walked out from that prison, she,” Creeper paused and took a swig out of his beer. “She didn’t seem rattled or excited to be out.” He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it just didn’t make sense to him. 

“Well Lee doesn’t scare easily.” Coco pointed out.

“Something is just off.” Creeper shook his head. “She went with Tio Jin so willingly, it threw me off.”

“She always has had a good relationship with Jin.” Hank added, but he understood Creeper’s concern. Everyone knew that Jin and Ailee stopped seeing eye to eye when she decided to stay in Santo Padre. Jin thought it was a waste of time, waste of talent. He never had anything against the MC, but his niece had a better future than whatever the MC could possibly offer her, well better than what Angel could offer her. 

“Something changed after she spent time with her half-brother.”

“You mean psycho McPsycho?” Angel chimed in. He knew how much she changed. He remembered how she knocked on his door, so softly that he almost didn’t hear it. She looked up at him, face bruised, cheek swollen, left eye shut, Angel was livid. But he knew she didn’t need that, what she needed was him. He had wrapped his arms around her, gave her a bath and held her the whole night. He called off for the next two days, all he had to say to Bishop was Ailee and that was that.

“Yeah,” Creeper sighed. “She asked for us to stay away from her.”

“Well tough shit, we don’t always get what we want.”

“Angel,” Bishop hissed in a warning tone.

“No, I’m sorry Prez, she shut us out while she was in prison, whatever, that was something she could control. But out here, she can’t do jack shit. Whether she likes it or not, we’re going to talk.” Angel walked out of the clubhouse, not wanting to further discuss Ailee.

“Did she go back to Los Angeles?”

“No, she’s setting shop in Santo Padre, she’s opening a coffee shop.”

Taza, Hank and Bishop looked at one another. They knew Maquin’a forte, they set up a coffee shop as a headquarters and operated from there. What business did they have in Santo Padre? Most importantly, why did Jin mention to them that Maquina was setting up shop?

Whatever it was, Bishop didn’t have a good feeling about this.

[bush-viper-cutie]

“Hermione vs. Draco” || YEAR 3 – Ch.30 (HP au)

                              Chapter List

<-- Last Chapter                          Next Chapter -->

Day posted: 11/3/2020

Word count: 3, 254

Relationship: EVENTUAL severus X oc (slow burn)

Rating: E for everyone

Warnings: none

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A/N: This is my first fan fic I’m writing mainly as a way to practice. This is a retelling of the hp books with an inserted character. Although most every character will be written about, this is mostly for the pro snape fandom. Please do not fear, although this is a severus x oc story, it is an incredibly slow burn as I do not intend for them to get together at all until after the final book events. Chapters will be posted twice a week.

This derivative work follows the events of the Harry Potter books by Jk Rowling and is intended as a fun way to practice my writing. Thank you for reading :D

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~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

Heather sat with Harry on the grass and looked over at Ron and Hermione talking – or more like Hermione talking on and on and Ron nodding his head every once in a while – which was a huge relief. It only took Hermione apologizing and Ron was instantly all “Oh, he was only a rat. I’ll get another not so old one now, or maybe an owl – they’re much better.”

The whole class was waiting on further instruction from Hagrid besides just feeding the Salamanders dried twigs, but Hagrid was even less himself after the hearing. Harry tried talking to him during the start of the lesson, but Hagrid refused, not wanting to burst out crying in front of everyone.

The bells rang in the distance and the whole class got up, picked up their Salamanders and dumped them in the fire. Heather stayed by the fire, watching them curl up and nap while Hermione and Harry convinced Hagrid to walk them back to the castle.

“It was awful,” Hagrid croaked, holding back tears. “All those black robes… sittin’ there, lookin’ down at us. S’all my fault, it was. I kep’ droppin’ me notes an’ got all tongue-tied an’ – OH – an’ then Lucius Malfoy takes the stand an’ said his bit, an’ the committee jus’ did exac’ly what he told ‘em to do… So they… they gave Beaky a final date…”

“It’s not fair. Those doddery old fools shouldn’t be on the committee if they can be so easily scared by Malfoy’s dad.” Hermione teared up and shook her head.

Ron ran ahead and jumped on a rock at the top of the hill. “Hagrid! You can still save him with the appeal! This time we’ll all really help and – ”

“Lucius Malfoy won’t let the committee change their minds. I jus’ have tuh make sure the time Beaky has left is a good one. I owe ‘im that… s’cuse me – ” Hagrid broke off and hurried back down the hill towards his cabin.

“Look at him! The blubbering oaf.” Draco came out from behind the castle doors with Crabbe and Goyle laughing just behind him.

Heather ran up the last small hill to the castle steps and faced Draco. “Leave it alone. You may not care about Hagrid or Buckbeak but I do, and them, and so many other students. And it’s YOUR fault.” Heather jabbed his shoulder, forcing him to step back.

“Sorry, Potter. But it’s just so funny! I’ve never seen anything quite so pathetic.” He turned around to Crabbe and Goyle. “Have you?”

Harry, Ron, and Hermione had climbed the rest of the hill quickly and stopped next to Heather, except for Hermione who continued forward and smacked Draco across the face in one long swoop of her extended arm.

“Hermione!” Heather’s hands covered her mouth, not sure whose side to take now or who to be mad at. If Ron had been the one to hit Draco, Hermione would be giving him an angry talking to already.

Draco staggered back and was caught by Goyle before he could trip. He pushed off him and stood, astounded and scared at Hermione, who looked ready for another go.

“Do NOT call Hagrid Pathetic! Ever! It’s all YOUR fault you – you foul – evil – “ Hermione went for another smack.

“Hermione!” Ron caught her arm.

Heather held her back as she tried pushing them away.

“Get off!” Hermione broke free and pulled out her wand, surprising Draco and leaving him frozen in place with fear. “Don’t ever call Hagrid pathetic!”

“L-let’s go.” Draco turned and hurried into the school with Crabbe and Goyle at his heels.

“Nice Hermione!” Ron held out his hand for a high five and Hermione laughed, giving him one.

“That wasn’t very wise, Hermione.” Heather crossed her arms.

“It’s the wisest thing she’s done all year.” Harry smirked and ran from Hermione’s punch. “Save it for Malfoy!”

Heather was unamused but Ron and Hermione laughed, which was nice to hear after so many weeks of them being angry with each other. They followed Harry inside.

“I’m sorry to say, Heather, but I do hope Harry wins the final Quidditch match against Slytherin. I can’t stand Malfoy winning another thing.”

Heather re-crossed her arms. “Not forgiven. I want to win, not lose just because Malfoy’s on my team.”

Ron made a loud nose. “Oh, don’t you two start now.”

The castle corridors were full of students running to their classrooms. They jogged passed several groups of chattering fifth and seventh years and climbed the stairs all the way up to the charms classrooms. They waved to Ginny quickly as she passed them in the halls on her way to Herbology and reached Professor Flitwick’s class with minutes to spare.

“I like when we’re not late.” Ron pulled on the door and held it open for them.

Heather and Harry walked in and took their normal seats, waiting for Ron and Hermione to take the ones in front of them, but only Ron sat down a minute later.

“Where did Hermione go?” Ron looked around the room. “She wasn’t in the corridor.”

Heather looked towards the door. Several Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs entered the class along with a few Slytherins and Gryffindors, but Hermione never stepped through. The bells rang and Professor Flitwick took his little podium.

“Now, let’s start on Cheering Charms. Everyone – wands out – we’re already into pairs – er, Mr. Weasley, pair with Mr. Longbottom – and let’s begin.”

“Maybe you should go check the bathrooms?” Harry whispered to Heather between swishes.

“And miss class like she’s doing? We’ll find her later.” Heather followed Professor Flitwick’s instructions perfectly and within minutes she was able to do a minor cheering charm, earning her praise in front of the class.

Several attempts later and she was able to perform the full cheering charm, second to a Ravenclaw across the room who always fought with Hermione for first place. The Ravenclaw gave her a look of triumph but it was Heather who took extra points for helping Ron, Harry, Neville, and the two other Slytherins in the room to complete the charm.

After class they went to lunch and split up. Heather sat at the Slytherin table and was soon joined by Draco and even more unfortunately, Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle.

“Draco!” Heather smiled and took a bite of her ham sandwich, the mustard was extra good on it that day – although everything seemed better under the effects of a cheering charm. “Have you done anything to Hermione?”

“No.” He sat down and looked Heather up and down.

“Cheering Charm.” Heather said and Draco nodded in understanding.

His brows furrowed. “If she thinks she’ll get away with – ”

“Of course she won’t. We should tell on her. Get her detentions for the rest of the year. I mean, first your attacked by a wild creature and then by a stupid Gryffindor?” Pansy added a large glop of salad dripping in dressing onto her plate.

“Or, we can focus on winning the final Quidditch match. Gryffindor won against Ravenclaw which puts them at second place right now. If they beat us, then we tie and the Quidditch cup doesn’t go to anyone.” Heather finished her lunch and moved on to the pies for dessert, cutting off a small slice.

“What’s that go to do with Granger?” Draco pointed to his puffy cheek. “I want her to pay.”

“And she wants to see you lose. So win and rub it in her face.” She didn’t like encouraging Draco to gloat, especially not to her friends, but it was better than letting him get Hermione in trouble. The cheering charm wore off mid apple pie bite and she winced at how sweet it was. “Don’t try the pie.”

“Flint says he has a plan. A good one.” Draco tried looking confident and hopeful.

“Well. Good then.” Heather stood and left the great hall, heading into the girl’s bathroom. “Hermione?” she called out, looking under several stalls for Hermione’s shoes but there was no one there at all. She walked out and saw Harry and Ron leaving the great hall and ran up to them. “She’s not in the bathroom. We should check your common room – and before you ask. No, Malfoy hasn’t turned her into a shrimp and hidden her away or anything at all. She’s missing all on her own.”

They headed up the entrance stairs and down the main corridor. As they started up the stairs to the higher floors, Ron began listing other possible ways Draco could have gotten to her, one way involving Crabbe turning into a giant bird and swooping down and taking her into his talons. They walked up to Gryffindor tower debating the logistics of that scenario – Ron adamant that Crabbe would turn into a BIG bird because of his size and not just a regular sized bird because of the spell.

“Flibbertigibbet” Harry said loud enough for Heather to hear.

“Not so loud,” the fat lady hissed, sensitive to both Heather and possibly a very dangerous Sirius Black hearing it. “I’m changing it again tonight… Just to be sure.” She opened up.

Ron and Harry walked in through the hole While Heather stood just outside, watching them approach a distant lump of frizzy brown hair fast asleep around a tower of books. They poked Hermione awake and began talking – Hermione seemed frantic and upset.

“Hurry up!” Heather called in. “Divination is in ten minutes!”

Hermione stuffed all her books in her bag and came running out ahead of Ron and Harry. “I’ll meet you guys there! I need to talk to Professor Flitwick!” She turned and ran down the stairs towards the charms classrooms.

“She said she forgot to go.” Ron came out of the hole and crossed his arms. “But she was right behind us.”

Heather chewed on her finger the whole way up to the Divinations classroom in thought. Hermione was definitely keeping something, and she needed to know what. She couldn’t believe Hermione was actually possibly keeping a secret from all of them. It was different from her own secret about helping Draco over the summer, that time was once but Hermione has been going on with her secret all year.

They reached the ladder and Hermione joined them almost immediately, looking out of breath.

“Oh Heather, tell me you got the Cheering Charm down. Flitwick hinted at it being on the exams!” Hermione brushed down her hair and sighed with relief as Heather nodded her head.

“Of course I did. And I earned five points for Slytherin while doing so. If you think Slytherin’s going to lose the house cup, that’s one-hundred-and-fifty-five points you need to make up before the last match… And counting.” Heather smiled and climbed the ladder, ignoring Harry as he silently mocked her.

The second Heather stepped in the room she was engulfed in that familiar awful mist that made everything go blurry and hazy. She found her usual seat in the far back of the room at the table above Harry’s and Ron’s. Hermione took the seat opposite her and they all sat waiting for Professor Trelawney to appear from behind a curtain or from inside a cabinet looking all mysterious.

“Look at these crystal balls!” Ron turned to them and held it up to his face, making it look all wonky and distorted through the glass. “Thought we weren’t starting this until fourth year.”

Harry took the ball and set it down on its holder. “Shh. I was getting tired of seeing her flinch every time she saw my hands. I’m scared to sneeze in here in case it sounds like the grim to her.”

Heather laughed. “Your sneezes do sound kind of barky.”

“Shut it.”

“Well as long as crystal balls aren’t on the exams, I don’t care.” Hermione shook her head. “I can’t deal with much more of all this nonsense.”

They all raised their brows at Hermione, but before she could respond, Professor Trelawney appeared from behind the large stack of teacups in the corner.

“Good day! Good, good day to everyone.” Her voice was misty and almost sing song-y as she stepped out and addressed the class. “I was checking the Fates and had seen that the art of the Orb would be on your exams in June, and so we will begin Crystal Gazing early! I am anxious to give you sufficient practice with it.”

Hermione’s hand was up in the air instantly. “But Professor, don’t YOU set the exams?”

Ron and Harry chocked back laughs while Professor Trelawney turned away and hummed loudly.

“Crystal Gazing is a very perfected art. It takes years of practice for many capable wizards – and on the very rare occasion, those particularly gifted with the Sight, can come to see things within a matter of months. I do not expect anyone here to be able to See into the Orb’s infinite depths of wisdom on their first try.”

Professor Trelawney took her seat in her large chair and brought her legs up, crossing them under her layers and layers of skirt fabric. She looked like a monstrous creature, half pile of laundry, half human.

Professor Trelawney breathed out slowly and continued. “We shall first start …with relaxing the conscious mind while keeping our external eyes closed. …This will allow for the Inner Eye to open …and let you into your superconscious – should anyone start Seeing, please speak up!”

Ron’s head was on his table and his shoulders shook uncontrollably with suppressed laughter. Harry was biting down on his wrist and Heather was gripping her chair’s arms so tight she thought her fingers would pop off. Heather looked around and up behind her Neville caught her eye and gave her a face of such extreme confusion that she thought she’d burst out laughing. Hermione was looking like she’d just been murdered with boredom – or hoping to be.

After several not so silent minutes, they began Crystal Gazing by just staring into the crystal orbs and waiting to see anything at all. Heather cleared her mind and looked at the mist swirling and then stilling. Every time she cleared her mind the mist would swirl and then the second Hermione tutted right across from her, the mist would still.

“Would you mind keeping your tutting to yourself?” Heather sat up straight and looked deeper into the orb. The mist swirled into a large spiral, slow and steady as if stirred by a spoon. It went on for several minutes, growing slower. Heather was feeling her eyes going blurry in what she thought could be the start of a hypnotic trance as the misty swirl expanded. It sparkled slightly and the center seemed to still as the mist around it turned clockwise and –

“Tuh. It’s just mist being misty.”

“Has anyone Seen anything yet?” Harry whispered.

“I thought I had seen my Grandma, but it turned out I was just too close to the crystal,” Neville whispered back.

“Oh hold on!” Ron whispered excitedly, looking at the crystal. “I see… I see… That someone’s burnt the table cloth there with a knocked over candle.” He pointed.

Heather couldn’t help but give him a small giggle.

“What a waste of time,” Hermione hissed. “I could be studying for Charms. I could be practicing something actually useful like the Cheering Charm.”

They hushed as Professor Trelawney came shuffling passed asking students if they needed help ‘interpreting the shadowy portents within the Orbs’.

“It’s obvious what it means, isn’t it?” Ron whispered. “There’ll be loads of fog tonight.”

Heather, Harry, Hermione,and Neville behind them burst out laughing. Ron’s ears went red but he grinned wide until Professor Trelawney stopped at the bottom of their row right in front of him.

“Why are you disturbing the clairvoyant vibrations of this room? Let me see here.” She looked down into Ron and Harry’s crystal orb.

Harry looked back at Heather and she rolled her eyes, knowing just as well as he that Professor Trelawney was about to see the Grim in the mist. And sure enough –

Professor Trelawney clutched at her wooden beads. “My dear…” she breathed. “It grows closer… Nearer and nearer… the Gr – !”

“The Grim!” Hermione yelled, exasperated. “Oh of course! Why predict the results of the Gryffindor Slytherin match, or the results of Harry’s exams, or what he’ll have for dinner when you can just predict the ridiculous Grim every day.”

“They are not predictions,” Lavender Brown growled. “They are truth.”

“Not guesses,” Parvati joined in.

Hermione huffed at them.

“My dear. Since you stepped foot in my class it has been clear that you do not have what the noble art of divination requires in order to See into the beyond.” Professor Trelawney tisked. “I have never met a student whose mind is so hopelessly and irreversibly mundane.”

Heather closed her gaping mouth and looked at Hermione, who was not having a good day by any means.

“Fine!” Hermione stood and shut ‘Unfogging the Future’, cramming it in her bag. “Fine!” she repeated, swinging her bag over her shoulder. “Then I’m leaving.” She stomped across the classroom and turned. “Let me guess, next topic is flames, and with my SIGHT I predict you’ll predict THE GRIM for Harry.” She turned and kicked the trap door open and climbed down the ladder.

For several minutes the whole class was talking. Heather convinced Neville to be her partner, leaving the Hufflepuff he was partnered with alone, and Ron and Harry wondered if Hermione would come back. Heather doubted it.

Suddenly Lavender stood up and quickly found Professor Trelawney stoking the fire and adding more herbs to make the room mistier. “Professor! You saw this! You saw her leaving! ‘Around Easter, one of our number will leave us forever’! You said that first day of class!”

Professor Trelawney gave a small smile. “Oh yes, I knew Miss Granger would leave us. That is the burden of the Inner Eye… however, sometimes one hopes to have mistaken the Signs.”

The bells rang and class was over. They packed their things and headed down the ladder.

Harry leaned in to her. “You don’t think me seeing the Grim has anything to do with her seeing the Grim do you?”

Heather shook her head. “I saw that cloud Grim during your match and I haven’t ever seen the Grim in the classroom so… I would guess no.”

“Is that good or bad?”

Heather sighed and shrugged. “I really don’t know.”

They didn’t see Hermione all day after Divination, not even during dinner. Heather hadn’t heard anything about Hermione until Draco arrived late to dinner holding his other cheek in his hand.

“Easter Holidays we’re practicing EVERY DAY. I told Flint we should and he agreed.” He let go of his cheek to grab his cup and exposed his red and slightly swollen cheek.

“W…what happened there?” Heather could almost see fingers marked on his skin.

“Nothing. I heard Granger was told she was too muggle for Divination so I told her not to blame her parents for making her weaker than the rest of us and she slapped me.” He turned to Pansy who started defending him instantly.

“I would have hit you harder.” Heather decided she could let Hermione’s smack slide one last time, although she guessed there wouldn’t be any more after now. Surely Draco had learned his lesson about messing with Hermione after that second, much heavier slap. “So double practices starting tomorrow?”

“Early morning.”

~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

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ancient names

A John Seed x Original Female Character Fic

Ancient Names, pt. i: of wolf and man

Masterlink Post

Word Count: 4.9k

Rating: M for now, rating will change in later chapters as things develop.

Warnings: Language, some “light” religious blasphemy (it’s Far Cry5), the Seeds being themselves. This is an enemies to lovers (enemies to enemies and lovers?) fic that I started writing because the ending of the game made me too sad and I just wanted to try my hand at writing for a fandom I’ve never done before. This will be largely canon deviant after chapter one, with this first chapter mimicking (hard) a particular scene in the game (if you know, you know).

Notes: Hi! First time posting a full chapter on tumblr and not linking it to my AO3! I hope ya’ll enjoy; I had originally posted the link to this in parts, and then decided with some support to post the full thing on here instead of linking to another source. I’ve never written for Far Cry 5 before this so thank you in advance if you read! 

Summary: Once, before Eden’s Gate, before her hands moved with such surety to shove a fresh clip into an automatic, before she got familiar with the taste of blood in her mouth, before she'd gone off to the Academy, before coming back home to this shit show—she had thought John Duncan was attractive.

Elliot spit water out of her mouth, gripping his wrist around her throat, and said with no absence of venom, “Go fuck yourself, John.”

The first thing that she recognized was the desperate need to breathe.

The second was that she was wet, exceptionally wet, her lungs filling with water over and over again, like dying a thousand times without the actual reprieve of death. Two strong hands gripped the front of her shirt, pinning her under the dark surface even as she struggled. Elliot thought, I would rather just die.

She was yanked out as abruptly as she’d come to. Elliot gasped wildly for air, coughing up lungfuls of water, clinging to the arms of the cultist that had been kind enough to pull her out. She realized, too late, that he was probably also the one that had been holding her under.

“... must atone! For only then may we stand—”

The man--a tall, bald, ugly looking son of a gun--pushed her back down onto her feet, facing her back toward the bank. The residual Bliss in her system was dragging her vision, making it pulse wildly on and off, irregularly timed with her own heartbeat, and through the blur she saw two others, pushed towards John Seed.

(John, in his fucking dumbass blue shirt and vest.)

“—in the light of God, and walk through His gate—”

He touched the forehead of the captive to her left.

(John, with his pretentious Eden’s Gate white leather book.)

“—unto Eden.”

Her own special Peggy pushed her forward as John touched the forehead of the captive to her right. She coughed up more water, spitting it out and feeling her stomach lurch as she stumbled forward.

(John, with that stupid fucking lilt to his voice, the lazy cadence of a man who didn’t even need to read the words in front of him because they were already ingrained in his mind.)

He stared at her oddly when she was there in front of him, like a fox in a hen-house; she shivered from the cold water even though the heat of the day had not fully dissipated. He said, slowly, “Not this one,” and suddenly the hands of the cultist were off of her, and he was taking the leather-bound book (she would not call it a Bible; she refused) from John, and he took a step toward her.

Elliot thought, exhaustedly, I could run, I could run right now, but the idea of moving her legs in this water, of stumbling her way through the woods again, still coming off of a Bliss high, made her so, so tired.

And then, with that slick, venomous timbre in his voice, John said, “This one’s not clean.”

He grabbed two fistfuls of the front of her shirt and folded her body down hard into the water. There was no time for her to try and take a breath, or even hold her breath, and Elliot didn’t know what was worse; the very real idea that John Seed was going to drown her in this river in some kind of twisted, evil mockery of a baptism, or the shameful knowledge that her body had crumpled under the weight of his pressure, like a wadded-up newspaper.

Weak weak weak, the voice in her head chanted, while John’s hand moved to her throat and kept her under. Weak weak weak, it said, as she grabbed onto his wrist and dug her nails in as hard as she could. Weak weak weak, it sang when John forced his fingers into her mouth to open it up under the water. She wanted to close her mouth, bite down as hard as she could, but her body’s voluntary reflex was to stay open, gasping for air underwater, like a dying fish.

John yanked her back into the real world just when her vision began to blur black around the edges. Elliot held onto him, tightly, not for lack of animosity but because she did not think her legs would hold her to stand. Blood streaked down his arm where her nails had made purchase. He grabbed her chin and said, “Ah, enough of that sad little whimpering, deputy. You’re pulling right on my heartstrings.”

Elliot swallowed back river water. Wet strands of her hair stuck to her face and tried to creep into her mouth. He was watching her hungrily with those eyes--blue, cerulean blue, too blue to be in the skull of a man like John Seed--like he was waiting for her to say something. Those eyes were wasted on you, John Seed, Elliot thought venomously.

Once, before Eden’s Gate, before her hands moved with such surety to shove a fresh clip into an automatic, before she got familiar with the taste of blood in her mouth, before she'd gone off to the Academy, before coming back home to this shit show--she had thought John Duncan was attractive. Handsome. Charming. A little rich for Hope County, maybe. But they'd locked eyes once before in the bar, and her face had gone so red she was sure he could see it from where he stood.

A man like John Duncan would never have looked twice at a girl like Elliot Honeysett, who had only kissed two boys her whole life and carried herself with almost no amount of sexy confidence. But then he had, waltzing across the bar like he owned the place (maybe he did), planting himself next to her and saying, “Well, aren’t you just the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen coming through this bar?”

She had been so flustered then. Nobody had ever looked at her like they wanted anything from her, let alone that they wanted her at all.

“I’m--I’m sorry, I’m leaving in just… Two weeks...” she’d said that night, tripping over her words and trying to say, in the most efficient way possible that she was flattered, and interested, but also that she wasn’t because she was going to be going off to the Academy and she wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of girl.

He’d laughed and leaned close, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. It had felt very suddenly like the noise around them dimmed so that all she could think about was the smell of his cologne and those eyes, and he said as soft as a kiss, “A lot can be accomplished in just two weeks, beautiful.”

And then her friend Joey had come and grabbed her arm, dragging her off of the stool and saying, “Sorry, but we’re meeting our friends later!” over her shoulder like it wasn’t a blatant lie. Oh, and she’d given Elliot quite the lashing, too, about how good girls in Hope County didn’t consort with rich out-of-towners, and how they were going to be leaving so soon anyway.

Another before. Maybe she still thought John Duncan was handsome; was that a different man than John Seed?

Elliot spit water out of her mouth, gripping his wrist around her throat, and said with no absence of venom, “Go fuck yourself, John.”

She bit the words out with as much animosity as she could muster. The act of it was almost as sweet as slapping him in his stupid face, the enraged expression overtaking his face as quickly and violently as a burning death of a star. His hand on her throat tightened, as though he was prepared to shove her under the water again.

He would kill her, she thought: but he would have a damn hard time doing it.

“Do you mock the Cleansing, John?”

It was a different voice, from behind him now. The rage left his face, replaced by something different. Shame, Elliot thought absently, when he stepped aside and she saw Joseph standing on the bank. He’s the kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

John began, “No, Joseph—”, but before he could get very far the man was shushing him. Joseph Seed was more dressed now than Elliot thought she had ever seen him in his whole life: not only pants this time, but shoes and a button-up, tied with a vest. His dark hair was slicked back into that loosely-tied bun that he often sported, and those dumb fucking yellow aviators sat on his face.

It’s nighttime, you stupid snake.

“You have to love them, John,” Joseph said, in the way that he did; like he was counseling. Maybe in a way, he was. “You cannot let your personal feelings get in the way of that.”

Something in John’s expression tightened. Elliot thought that Joseph must have meant the vitriol that John felt for her, his hands wadded into her shirt, ready to drown her again.

Before she could think to say anything—maybe get one last lick in, and if the world wasn’t still wobbling around in her eyeballs she might have had the good sense to smash her face into John’s—Joseph ordered, “Bring her to me.”

When the bald cultist who had been dousing her before grabbed her arm, she felt John’s grip on her tighten. Just a little. It said, I don’t want to, and just that tiny gesture before he dropped both of his hands from her made her stomach flip in uncomfortable anticipation.

Fireflies whizzed around her head. The short distance from the water to Joseph felt like a tunnel, the water and the woods and the mud bending around her with him at the center. He opened his arms for her, like a father waiting to embrace his daughter. When she found herself standing in front of him, he took her face in his hands.

He was gazing at her the same way he had when she had first slapped cuffs around his wrists: like she was the only person in the whole world, right there, in front of him, and there was nothing that he wanted more than to just look at her.

And that was how he did it, Elliot knew. That was how he got people to believe him, to follow him, to do these crazy nut-job murders and stealing and--and whatever else they had in store, now that they thought the end of the world was happening and they needed to be prepared for it. He looked at them like they were the only thing that mattered, and they felt special, and loved.

“Regardless of the things you have done,” Joseph murmured to her, his hands large and feverishly warm on her chilly, wet face, “you are not beyond salvation. You are not here by accident, or by chance, deputy. You have been given a gift.”

He paused, the weight between them heavy. Elliot thought, I wish I could kick your stupid glasses in.

As though he had come to fully process what he wanted to say, Joseph finished, “But whether you decide to use it or cast it aside remains to be seen.”

His hands dropped from her face. She almost wanted to cry; she was so cold, down into the marrow of her bones, that even that sickening heat—surely warped by the remaining Bliss in her system, which caused Joseph’s face to shiver in front of her eyes—had been a comfort to her.

John walked up beside her, and Joseph put a hand on the back of his head. “This one shall reach atonement,” he said, “or the gates of Eden will be closed to you, John.”

It was an order. The implication in them remained long after he had spoken them; in John’s face, in the way he leaned into Joseph’s embrace. It was soft. Softer than she would have liked. It was hard to hate them, when they were soft.

“Yes, Joseph,” John replied obediently.

Elliot’s vision swam. She wondered how many Bliss bullets they’d hit her with; it only took one, she knew, but her whole body ached, and there was more than one dressed wound on her body.

Her stomach lurched. Joseph was walking away, back towards his car, and John was watching him. Elliot said, “John,” and the words fell out of her mouth like marbles. She remembered, vaguely, Jerome telling her that they poured Bliss oil into the water during their fake, mind-controlly Cleansings, too.

“What is it, deputy?” John asked, turning to her, his voice light and innocent. “Have a confession to make?”

“How much Bliss?” She spit onto the ground, towards his feet, again and again. The urge to throw up was almost overwhelming her. “How much did you give me, Seed?”

John made a disgusted noise. He put a firm, hard hand on her shoulder, forcing her face back up with the other, making her look at him. His eyes were too blue: more than they should have been, and as Elliot tried to pull her gaze away from his she almost toppled herself.

“Enough,” he replied, “to muzzle you, hellcat. We’ll see if you’re really worthy of atonement, won’t we?”

Her body felt weak. All of the adrenaline was fleeing from her body, and in its place remained only her blood, and the Bliss left in it, seeped in from the water through her open wounds. Elliot took a step forward, and her legs crumpled; she plummeted toward the ground, certain that she wasn’t going to be able to stop herself, but John caught her under the arms at just the right minute. He hauled her to her feet again, and she thought, Just let me lay down, please, I’m so tired.

“You should see how you look right now,” he hissed at her, their faces close. “Falling over yourself, soaking wet, barely put together. You’re—you’re so—”

He seemed to be trying to find the word he wanted to use; maybe the one that would hurt her the most. But for a heartbeat, his eyes just traced her face. Maybe he was angry that Joseph had decided for him to keep her around, when he’d been so clearly set on drowning her.

“Pathetic,” he managed out after a moment, his voice tight.

The words rolled out of her mouth in a tired drawl when she said, “Oh, fuck off, John.”

It would have felt better, if Elliot weren’t drugged out of her mind, to see the expression of absolute indignant fury pass over John’s face. He clearly wanted his words to sting. He clearly wanted to hurt her, but John Seed had never met the likes of her kind, not anywhere outside of Hope County.

“Put her in the car and take her back to the ranch,” he said, letting go of her and letting her stagger to keep her footing. “I’m tired of looking at her.”

One of the cultists grabbed her arm and dragged her to the back of one of the vans she had spent the last four days destroying. She struggled, futile as it was. There was no world where Elliot Honeysett wasn’t going to go down kicking, anyway.

“Where’s Joey?” she demanded hazily, pulling at the man’s grip on her arm. “Where is she, John?”

“Deputy Hudson?” John’s head had swiveled, his eyes narrowing in on her, like the click of a rifle scope. Her fingers itched at the thought. I see you, she thought viciously. I’ll put a bullet right in the middle of your head, just like I did to all of your little friends. “You won’t be seeing her for a long time. Well—”

And he paused, as though deliberating, and then said: “Maybe sooner, depending on how much you act up.”

Dead.

The word rattled around in her head in warning, wiping her expression of all of her anger, and she saw it on John’s face--the smug satisfaction of a man who had gotten just what he wanted in the last minute: her hurt.

The Peggy pushed her into the back of the truck, slamming the doors in her face. Through the window, John peered at her, grinning as he waved.

“Bye now, Rookie.”

Elliot did everything she could to keep her eyes open in the back of the van. She was the only one there, so there wasn’t anyone she could talk to; each time she pinched herself to stay awake, the gesture felt more dull, her body more numb to it as the Bliss from the Cleansing kicked into high gear in her body.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

She had barely ever drank in her whole life, let alone participated in something remotely like Bliss; so when it hit, she knew her best option was to lay down and sleep, feeling the handmade drug wreak havoc on her senses. Her hands had been zip-tied together, and she was still soaking wet and shivering, so when she got down in the back of the van she curled her body up as much as she could to try and preserve what little body heat she had left.

Though she had desperately wanted the deep, dreamless sleep that she was used to getting after drinking even one or two alcoholic drinks, she was plagued with blurry, troubling dreams. John Seed, in a bar, leaning into her like a flower to her sunlight; John Seed, calling her beautiful; John Seed, his hands wrapped around her throat. Leaning in to say, against the shell of her ear, you’re pulling right on my heartstrings.

When she woke, she found herself swaddled in a bed. Her hands were freed, the bandages that she’d left wrapped over her palms and wrists from the helicopter crash wounds taken off. Her wet clothes had been stripped off; an old t-shirt, four sizes too big, and a pair of long grey sweats were on her instead, the top of the sweats rolled over and over to make them not swallow up her legs. The idea that someone in Eden’s Gate had undressed her made her stomach twist uncomfortably.

Despite the heavy blanket, warmer clothes, and the fireplace, Elliot felt a deep chill settle in her skeleton, and she shuddered. Her head pounded. She felt like her mouth was full of cotton. For a long a moment, she stared at the wall, her back to the room, and tried to figure out what she was going to do when she could get to her feet.

Kick John Seed’s stupid face in, for one. His smug, stupid face. It really is a waste, she thought absently, to give him any good genetics at all.

If he really did kill Joey, she would make him pay.

“Have a pleasant sleep?” John asked, his voice crawling out from somewhere deeper in the room. Elliot forced herself to roll over; she hadn’t slept it all off, it seemed, because doing so reminded her that her whole body felt like lead.

He leaned against the doorway, pleased as punch, and watched her with that infuriating little smile on his face.

“Hello, John,” she managed out, her tongue feeling one size too big for her mouth. He pushed himself off from the doorway and made his way over, pulling a chair up to the side of the bed. Elliot managed to get herself to sit up, shuddering again with another chill.

“Did you dream, Rook?” Her skin prickled when he used the nickname that only Hudson and the others used with her. It felt traitorous, to let him use it and go unscathed. “I’d be interested to know what you dreamed of.”

She pushed the hair out of her face. There was no way; John Seed could crawl his way into a frozen hell before they talked about the nuances of her drug-induced dreams. She said sweetly, instead, “Bold of you to come so close when my hands are untied.”

“You won’t hurt me,” he replied confidently. “For one, it’ll take at least another full day for you to get the Bliss out of that system. For someone as tiny as you, deputy, it sure did take a lot of dunking to get you placated.”

“I’d say the adrenaline was maybe outweighing the Bliss,” Elliot replied dryly, glancing around the room briefly. No windows. Typical cultist. “What’s the second thing?”

John leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “You just wouldn’t stop saying my name when you were sleeping,” he murmured, like they shared some great and terrible secret, “so I’d wager your feelings for me are a little more complicated than you’d like to say.”

Elliot could feel the heat crawling up her neck and into her face. She felt betrayed by her own mind, her own body. Every time she was around John it felt like this: weak, grasping wildly for control, taking and giving hits wherever she could get them and never getting a full foothold.

“You do haunt the corners of my nightmares, yes,” she replied sharply. “Funny, how drugging and kidnapping a person will do that.”

He laughed. He seemed almost pleased by it. His gaze drifted away from her for a moment, and it did that for a few long minutes between them, drifting and inevitably dragging back to her again, like he couldn’t resist looking at her. John pressed his thumb to his lower lip, tapping absently, before he took in a little breath, and he said, “I remember you, Rook.”

She felt her stomach twist, doing back flips, her heart pummeling the bones of her rib cage. That couldn’t be true; there was no way John would remember her, from all of those years ago, from a single interaction in a bar that lasted no longer than five or six minutes.

“You blushed just like this when I looked at you then, too,” John rumbled, his grin splitting wickedly across his face. “You were so sweet then.”

“I hate you,” Elliot said, gritting the words through her teeth, the way she knew how, baring them like a wild animal. The way her mama had taught her. "I hate you.”

“See, you keep saying that.” John’s gaze was dark, like the water he’d held her under. “But I don’t think you really mean it, Elliot Honeysett. If I remember correctly, you were very eager to spend time with me the first we met.”

Her lids felt heavy. She considered the logistics of lifting her hands and punching him. “I was different back then.”

“Weren’t we all?” John sighed. “Anyway, I’ll let you rest; I just heard you talking in your sleep and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. The doc thinks you’ve got a mild case of pneumonia. Wouldn’t want you to strain yourself, so—”

He came to a stand, smiling at her with that maddening half-smile that curved his lips, boyish and charming and all together not cohesive with his Mega Doom-Sayer persona. John leaned down, and much like he had the first they met, he tucked a loose wisp of hair behind her ear, enjoying that she was too weighed down to fuss. He said, “Sweet dreams.”

“Where’s Boomer?” she asked. Please, she thought desperately, please don’t say you killed him.

“The mutt?” he asked, sighing, and then continued off-handedly, “I don’t know, probably—out, somewhere, scavenging and waiting to get eaten by something bigger.”

She felt a little bit of relief, not that she thought John said that only for her benefit. If he had killed her dog, he might have used it to rub it in her face. He’d have no reason to lie about Boomer surviving.

He turned and headed back to the door, swinging the key around his finger. Tiredly, Elliot said again, “I’ll kill you.”

John’s head tilted as he paused at the doorway. He finally, finally, turned his gaze to her, eyes narrowed. “Oh?”

“If you’ve hurt Joey.” She rubbed her eyes, her body aching dully where she’d been hit by the Bliss bullets yesterday afternoon. “I saw the broadcast. I know you had her, at least at one point.”

John knew exactly what she was talking about: he’d put out that broadcast of how all they needed to do was say yes, and they could all be atoned, too, playing across all of the TVs in Hope County, even in the homes where the families had been killed. It had featured Joey, duct-tape over her mouth and her mascara streaming down her face, a prop on display.

“I know,” John replied, watching her steadily. “It was for you.”

And he left, closing the door behind him, leaving her alone in the dark once again.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

When he went to rouse her the next morning, she was already awake.

Elliot Honeysett was the kind of run-of-the-mill, girl-next-door-in-a-small-town pretty that often went over-looked: but not by John. He had picked her out of the bar, all glowing warm and innocent, blonde hair, cornflower blue-eyes, and a pretty little cupid’s bow mouth that were, surely, a dime-a-dozen in a small towns all across the mid-west. Hope County was not special, by any means, for its count.

But it was special for having her as she was now. The button nose, her soft eyelashes—they belied the little monster beneath. Everyone had a choice, John knew, when faced with immense pressure; they crumbled, or they changed. And Elliot Honeysett had changed, so much so that John hadn’t recognized her on the security cameras he’d had planted around Fall’s End, blood-soaked and dirty and jamming fresh shells into the shotgun she’d peeled off of the body of one of his men after she’d headbutted him so hard he cracked his head in the pavement.

Wild, John thought absently, watching her now, drowning in Jacob’s old clothes. Feral. Not a good girl anymore, are you, Rook?

“You look refreshed,” he commented. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, and when he walked in, her eyes immediately went to him. “Hungry?”

“I’ve been thinking,” Elliot began. As he made his way over, he studied her.

“A dangerous pastime.”

“Maybe I was a bit hasty before,” she continued, as if he hadn’t said anything at all. John sat down in the same chair he’d sat in the night before, keeping an eye on her hands. “You know, saying I’d kill you if Joey was hurt.”

He acquiesced, very graciously, “It did seem extreme, but I wasn’t going to say.”

“I’ll kill your brother first.” Elliot leveled him with her gaze, her voice smooth still, “so that you can bury him yourself.”

The smile fled from John’s face. Willful and spiteful, the voice in his mind intoned. His eyes narrowed. “And you won’t kill me?” he prompted, tartly.

“No,” Elliot replied, lightly, giving a little sigh. “I don’t think it’d be worth my time.”

The heat flared up inside of him, striking his irritation hot as an iron. He was suddenly reminded of her impudence; it hadn’t arrived, all of a sudden, last night. She’d had it from the moment she came back to Hope County. When he’d given her the chance to bring herself to him the first time to atone, she’d spat into the radio, Come and drag my body there yourself, you lazy hack.

His jaw set. He could make her thankful; if she really wanted him to, if she really wanted to push him there. John stood, abruptly, grabbing the front of the over-sized shirt and yanking her up; there was a little satisfaction when her hands weakly grabbed at his wrists; she looked rested, but she was still frail. “You infuriating—”

“I wouldn’t if I were you, John.” Elliot’s eyes narrowed now. She tilted her chin defiantly, even when, as they were now, he could just throw her back against the wall. And then, as cloying as anything, she drawled, “Joseph would be so disappointed in you.”

The sound of his brother’s name in the sweet, venomous timbre of her voice was like a shock to his system. _Stupid, willful, spiteful— _

She was right. Joseph would be disappointed, if he hurt her. Joseph had never fully agreed to his means, and while he firmly believed that the ends did justify them, his brother did not.

“If your sweet Deputy Hudson wasn’t dead before,” John hissed, “you can bet she’s as good as now.”

Elliot’s gaze flickered over him. Even with the animosity in her voice, in her eyes, he felt her gaze linger on his mouth. It was a tiny, tiny little victory; under all of that wolf, she was still a girl, after all.

The blonde said, a little breathless, “You’re going to run out of things to threaten me with if you keep killing them off, John.”

“I can be creative.”

He released her, brushing his hands off as though to rid himself of any remains of her. He paced to one end of the room, and then pulled the key from his pocket and paced to the door instead. His skull was still buzzing with irritation; the pure audacity, to talk to him like that.

“You might want to rethink your stance a little, Rook,” John said at the door. “You’re going to put people in danger.”

He slammed the door behind him, angrily locking it from the outside and clenching his teeth. Stupid, willful, spiteful, ungrateful. She shouldn’t be so hard to break, not like this, not with the Bliss weighing her down. It didn’t matter how much had time had passed between before and now; at one point or another, the girl in Elliot had wanted him. He knew that she at least felt that for him, before. It should have been easy to get under her skin.

Because it was so, so easy for her to get under his. Those sharp little eyes, taking in every detail they could, trying to find any weakness. She’d already put a little pin in Joseph, saving him for later.

You have to love them, John, Joseph had said.

“John?” Elliot called through the door, as though she knew he was lingering out there. “In case it wasn’t clear, I hate you.”

Yes, he thought absently, making his way down the hall. We’ll see how long that lasts.

[phoebehalliwell]

So I LOVED your Sheridan and Warren fic!! The two of them are hilarious because that are just trying their best those poor boys! I had a hypothetical, so like in all those AU where Prue is wished alive in I Dream of Phoebe, what would happen in this situation? Would Prue go see her sisters or would she go find her kids? ALSO Prue as the boys magical (deceased) guide is Perf 👌🏻

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA tysm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love my boys so much i’m really trying to keep them like. like as removed from proper magic as possible bc i just think it’s really fucking funny to just follow two bimbos around as they try their best. i’ve also def like tinkered w canon a lil bit as explained in this post here only to keep them further away from aunts who could explain everything like they don’t even have a whitelighter bc paige was supposed to fill that role really the only person they have is prue who gave them a crash course when she unbound their powers as explained in this post and they will occasionally summon her but even then it’s less for advice and more bc like. they want 2 talk to their mom. and i do think prue will occasionally try to make like guest appearances on their birthday she’d def be a presence kinda like how grams was a presence for the girls if they had a book of shadows prue would do the flipping. but they don’t. she did guide their familiar to them!! the cat’s name is swizzlesticks and yes it is just kit again lmao. But. Ur Question. so basically in w&s’s origins jack raised them post prue death and like he kinda fucked off to japan for the rest of the show (sidenote both warren and sheridan are quasi fluent in japanese like jack the only difference is while jack uses his bilingual talents for business the twins almost exclusively use this ability to multitask while watching anime) so i think piper and phoebe had like Zero contact w their nephews and paige actually has never met them like she didn’t even really know they existed bc deadass just no one mentioned them. so like if prue is wished back to life in i dream of phoebe for starters she’s gonna know chris is piper and leo’s son bc she’s been keeping an ear to the ground and Heavily monitoring this chris situation before she assessed that he was good she spent a lot of time trying to figure out if a ghost should beat the shit out of an alive witch so idk who’s wishing prue alive in this specific au tbh u know what richard’s kinda off the shits this ep he’s probably wish prue back to life to try to prove to paige that she doesn’t have to be a charmed one she can just be paige :) and paige would lose her SHIT bc like oh my god that was not what she wanted and she’s so not ready to meet prue but here she is lmao and chris is freaking out bc now he really knows he’s altered the future in Major ways i think piper would see prue and immediately pass out and while i think prue would really really want to see her kids her first task would definitely be fixing the future and she would entirely dedicate herself to making sure wyatt doesn’t become evil but i think like she would pull chris aside and be like hi in your future where are my kids and chris would be like who? and prue would be like my sons?? warren & sheridan???? and chris would be like what?????? bc this whole time if wyatt was indeed not the eldest son like are you Fucking Kidding Me????? but no he’s never even heard of warren and sheridan bc in the dark future their powers were simply never unbound and they just continued to live as mortals and may or may not be dead depending on how good the witch finder bots are but like. i don’t think even if wyatt knew they existed he would want to find them bc that just draws attention to the fact they existed and he’s not the firstborn of the next gen so either they’re doing fine-ish all things considered or they just like died lowkey. but chris didn’t even was remotely aware of their existence. and i think this would kinda send prue into a bit of a tailspin bc her boys are so far removed from their legacy and their family (and they’re being raised by jack yikes!!) and she’s like no these are my kids but if she wants to get where they are she either needs to book a fight or find a whitelighter so i think this would specifically be a prue/paige adventure which is also nice bc paige is omnilingual and prue does not speak japanese so like. idk cute adventure. probably use some monster from japanese mythology to save either some smallish town or alternately a major city bc both of those r fun. i think if jack saw prue again he would start throwing things at her and stuff bc he’d be convinced this is some demon here to kill his kids just like they killed her bc haha that’s not a recurring nightmare lmao so i think prue would cast the truth spell right then and there to prove she’s really her which also leads to some good comedy and character development bc jack paige and prue are all under a truth spell and there is a lot unsaid between all of these characters with paige’s inferiority complex and prue and jack’s true feelings for each other and issues caused by prue’s death y’know blah blah blah but i think prue would really use this opportunity to bring warren & sheridan back into the fold so to speak and bring them to the manor and properly train them in the craft and tbh in this specific au i think prue and jack would actually end up together. bc in any other world i’m saying they literally just coparent like they’re fond of each other and will always love the other in like some way but it’s not like Love but i think here specifically it’s like. like the time spent apart where jack just like fucking wishes prue was there and realized what an absolute sap and hopeless romantic he is bc yeah he always like grand gestures and clowning around but like. warren and sheridan’s first steps? and jack was just fucking alone like ngl he almost cried bc he just wished. like prue should have been there. she would have been a great mom. she was a great mom. and his kids deserve their mom and like. he just wishes he could have shared that moment with her. completely unbeknownst to jack prue actually does like you know watch over them all and she’s just like. like blown away by jack. like never in a million years would she have thought he was capable of doing what he did. like. like wow man. and i think the combination of those two like actually having them together again and raising their kids i think romance would blossom again. and i think it would be this insane slowburn bc i think y’know like. like it only happened the first time bc jack pursued prue and was like stubborn and stupid and he like knew she was outta his league but it didn’t matter bc that relationship was just for funsies it was a fling it was never meant to be permanent but if jack were to pursue it know it’s be like. permanent. you know? and jack just doesn’t think prue feels the same way like jack’s a fuckin idiot he knows that and prue’s like a witch? like an insanely talented with and a successful photographer back from the dead don’t worry about it lmao and she just like. she takes the world by storm she balances her career and motherhood and saving the motherfucking world like how could she ever. she would never want to be with someone like jack like that’s just. it’s not in the cards. and prue on the other hand keeps waiting for the penny to drop she keeps waiting for like. jack to realize he doesn’t have to be here anymore. she’s convinced he’s gonna hop town and continue being the man she knew while she was alive now that he doesn’t have to keep watching over the kids now that he’s free in a way but that just never happens because jack doesn’t want to leave like those are his kids also he’s in love with prue lmao but she just can’t. she doesn’t get it. men leave. that’s what they do. that’s what they’ve literally always done she can’t like. she can’t open herself up to something serious only to have jack just ditch and leave her kids with the memory of his back walking out the door so she lowkey starts to push him away put her walls up which only furthers jack’s belief that this is never gonna happen but sometimes it’s like they’ll accidentally fall asleep on the couch together in the middle of the afternoon with the sunlight on them and they’ll wake up like Horribly Embarrassed like oh my god which they’re like this isnt weird okay like we have kids together they’re right there like. we have had sex multiples times before piper walking in on up taking a cat nap in the living room is literally it’s nothing!! oh but it so is something meanwhile phoebe the empath is about to lose her Fucking Shit like guys!!! guys!!!!!!!!! and piper’s just trying to reign her in like no don’t interfere bc piper knows prue’s fear of abandonment and she does not know this new iteration of jack she just remembers what he was like and she doesn’t want to see prue get hurt paige is on the opposite side bc she has literally never met any previous iteration of jack or prue and she’s like hello?? they’re in love?? and chris is like hi okay but like. the task at hand? and the girls are like no shh like trying to covertly spy on prue/jack/warren/sheridan/wyatt all playing in the solarium prue’s doing the telekinetic mobile thing again and jack’s expression of wonder is the same as his sons like !!!! and chris is like deadass i do not get it okay evil wyatt tho. but blah blah blah slow burn i think prue and jack would get married like s8. their wedding would replace paige and henry’s bc as mentioned before paige and henry having a wedding esp a wedding that early was like. dumb. but yeah. prue x jack brainrot. i’m mentally ill i love them so much.

[bionicdragonguardian1]

Ranma 2/4

Yup... I’m doing it... yes this how I plan, shut up

Part One: Chapters 1-12

Genderfluid Ranma Saotome

Bisexual Akane Tendo

BAMF!Akane if it kills me

More modern America take on LGBTQIA+ themes

Bisexual Ryoga Hibiki

Fuck the Kunos

Full Series AU because I am a fool who doesn’t know restraint

Magic Rules are a thing

I am actually going to keep a consistent timeline if it kills me

I have a PLAN

Very Minor changes to the actual plot cuz economics

Bad Parenting is addressed

Harassment is Addressed

I will make them acknowledge Physics/Medical because I’m an asshole

Pulling from both the Anime and the Manga

Still working through the Manga as I plot

Friendly reminder that Genma is crap

Friendly reminder that Nodoka is crazy

Poor Mousse

Soun Tendo TRIES really hard but grief fucking sucks

Nabiki is morally grey

Toxic Shampoo

Kasumi gets Character Development or so help me

polyship cuz surprises

I promise I do love this anime

I’m just stunned that so many people didn’t get a lot of character development

Actual fucking ENDING

I do actually hate Shampoo tho

I watch dubs

Ranma slowly starts using they/them pronouns vs switching

Ranma wears a bra, fuck you

Yes I’m using 2020 LGBT stuff BUT I will keep the tech as close to the 90s as I can (tho fair warning I was BORN in the 90s)

Toxic Masculinity addressed (yes I mean Ranma’s)

Ranma is awkward as hell

bc that’s what happens when you isolate a child, Genma!

Also, they spent closer to 1-2 months in China bc of how many things happen while they’re there

Homophobic/Transphobic Language

Ranma uses Ranko WAY more often cuz it makes sense

Tatewaki is actually not as stupid as he is in canon, but he’s worse

Kodachi… on the other hand... IS stupid

Canon Heights are used (hence the “actual magic” tag, it’s how Kuno explains it and is still wrong)

Ranma is a shitty liar, and trusts his friends (kinda)

I’ve never like Shampoo, I don't hide that

While reading the manga I’ve realized how often Ranma wears a hat in the early chapters

I love it

Laws Exist

Rule Enforcement

Adults aren’t useless

Demiromantic Ranma

Ace/Demisexual Ranma (I haven’t decided yet)

Demiromantic Akane

Pansexual Ryoga

YES Akane is Bisexual AND Demiromantic. It’s a thing!

Genma is a sonnova bitch and piece o shit

Diasuke x Hiroshi

Sayuri x Yuka

Polyamory discussions

Hiroshi x Yuka

Protective Ranma

Protective Akane

Protective Ryoga

Tendos adopt Ryoga bc they care

Cologne sucks, I didn’t realize that was justified until now

Minor Anime over Manga Arc Choices

People aren’t oblivious those around Ranma a lot pick up on the transformation thing (eventually)

Ryoga’s crush on Akane turns into something normal, I may be ~Aro but even I know that’s bad

The “Akane Can’t Cook” Joke was funny once or twice; NOT the whole series Akane learns to cook

WAY fucking sooner than she did in the Anime

Look, I get the stereotype but it’s NOT funny!

Manga Chapt6Pt3 cover gave me too many ideas for what I want to do to Ryoga & IDK how I feel (Tiny pigtailed girl Ryoga is just too cute that I want to drop him the niángnìquán)

I will use Wiki-Mandarin-Spellings for Jusenkyo Springs cuz I don’t understand a lick of Chinese

Certain Arcs will be skipped entirely because I HATED THEM (any time they showed up)!

YEET Tea Ceremony Arc(s), mainly cuz an outsider I didn’t get it like I’m sure I was supposed to

If I could just kill Happosai I would, but I can’t

Expect him to be VERY dead/gone post-Canon

Fair warning tho cuz I hate him more than I hate Shampoo or Cologne

Shampoo still sucks

I wish the scene w Hiro/Dai was in the Anime cuz it’s hilarious

Ranma’s hat is back! I love it!

Is… is Ranma ADHD or is that me projecting again?

God, these two are hopeless dorks

Was someone going to TELL me that Ranma’s classmates figured out the transformation BEFORE the Romeo thing or was I just supposed to sit there stunned when it happened?!?

Goddammit, I hate Romeo and Julliet

I don’t mean the ep, I mean the play/movie/etc cuz my school years have done it 1.6 million times that I just can’t stand it anymore

Gosunkugi… wtf is wrong with you?

STILL hate this play

I’m American, ok

this has been shoved down my throat since I was 8 so It never occured to me that Ranma not knowing Romeo & Julliet at all wouldn’t be weird

Ranma learns his lines (kinda)

Kuno is 600% the reason they go off script

...And Gosunkugi being creepy af

TBH where they go off script (like Akane’s sleep scene) I’ll probs redo purely cuz I know this play

Still hate this play

Lol, tape ain’t a thing, that’s hilarious

Ranma kissing Kuno, yes

Akane kissing Ranma, NO

It’s called FAKING it

You either get over it or learn to fake it

Is it wrong that it’s tempting to get rid of P-chan in chapt8?

Don’t answer that… I know it is

Akane you need to learn to trust Ranma

Like seriously… that’s the 1 thing that drove me batty

100% going for the Anime version of the Japanese Speong of Drowned Man cuz it’s funnier

(I’m still tempted to change Ryoga)

Since the Cookie thing came before any comment about Akane’s cooking (Anime) I just figured Ranma was like me and can’t eat a ton of processed sugar (yes, make you that sick) so... HEADCANON!!

But Ranma’s still awkward af talking about it

Yup, subbing out Sasuke for Gosunkugi

Ranma not realizing his dad was committing crimes NEEDS to be handled better

I see angst potential

Ukyo is def still cis-fem, that point at least works

Ukyo’s dad is NOT in the clear here

Friendly reminder that Genma TOLD Mr. Kuonji that Ranma had a fiancée

Jealous Ranma’s fun

Ranma… just cuz you’ve 6.5k fiancé doesn’t mean everyone does

I’m just saying, Ryoga only falls for Ranma

Is Ranma wearing a binder while cursed bad? I honestly don’t know…

Poor Ranma, I’d DIE!

Obvs changing the rules of the pill from “first person of the opp sex”

I’m thinking “first person you’d be attracted to” cuz it’s nice and inclusive and won’t make someone fall for someone they wouldn’t normally

I’m just tryin’ to avoid some gayboy from fallin’ for a girl or some straight girl fallin’ for a girl

I mean Ranma’s still gonna Insta Cologne

Rule gets stricter the longer the pill lasts

also incest needs to be excluded

Look, I am NOT condoning Mousse’s obsession

but Shampoo still sucks

Is me making Tsubasa mtf bad?

Someone tell me cuz I’m not sure

I think I accidentally made Ukyo transphobic… oops

Redemption? Hopefully, idk yet

Do you realize how much anti LGBT shit I have to work through?!?

Tsubasa’s issue is 600% that she’s a lesbian so Ranma being a guy (even sometimes) weirds her out which for the record is FINE since they haven’t been dating at all & Ranma didn’t tell her!

The ½ white ½ brown dog IS actually Ryoga’s?!?

I didn’t know I needed this!

Also she’s staying!

Is Sasuke an Anime character?!?! Idk how I feel about this…

Ranma is a little shit & I love it

My idea may’ve been wrong (and Ranma!) but I love the idea had that I’m tempted do it anyway

Alright, Ranma is def going too far… even I can admit that

I’m quite sad this arc wasn’t animated

I don’t know which one I want! Kuno sick vs sneezing cat?

I can’t pick!

They’re both perfect!

Yup, Shampoo is evil

Akane… tone down the weapons kay?

[yzssie]

FANFIC GONE... GOOD? Pt. 1

Characters: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Chapters: 1/3

Warnings: (College) Teacher x student, smut.

Words: 2.8k

A/N: Ok so I thought of posting this yesterday since we had a birthday boy ❤ But I was out all day so I couldn’t proof-read. I had to split this fanfic in two parts because I wrote over 5k words, Jesus Christ I WAS EXCITED. Therefore, the first chapter has no smut and is just explaining our situation /evil Loki creepy smirk/ Without further ado, action!

*part 3 is out, check Masterlist*

English literature was a course you always loved but surprisingly, things could get even better than you thought.

Your original teacher moved away and the college was obliged to hire someone new since the other teachers were already busy. You weren’t expecting that the nice old lady who made you love literature more than you already did, was going to be replaced with the most handsome male you have ever seen before your eyes.

Mr. Tom Hiddleston. Now, you don’t want to sound desperate but, the truth has to be spoken. The fact that he is an English literature teacher makes him twice as hot as he already is.

The first time you saw him entering the classroom you couldn’t help but stare, and you weren’t the only one. His tall lean figure was graciously walking to his desk. His white shirts, God bless his outfits choices, was perfectly wrapping his burly chest, so you could almost see his delicious abs through the thin material. His long legs were taking slow but long steps, swaying his hips in the most tenacious, yet manly, intimidating style. His pants were molded on his round ass in a way that made your fists clench at the thought of running your fingers along his back muscles, down to his spine and finally grabbing those delectable asscheeks. His eyebrows were furrowed, cheekbones popping out, his strong jawline covered with a trace of a copper beard, and as soon as his shiny blue eyes moved to scan the whole room, his lips broke into a charming smile before as he introduced himself. If his tantalizing face wasn’t enough, his voice was so deep and husky, you swore your lower part trembled in arousal. Studying your professor, instead of studying his actual notes, you observed he has a habit of running his long fingers through his brown curls and of licking his lips when he concentrates on an answer. During the class, he is usually rolling up his sleeves to the elbow, showing up his veiny and muscular arms.

That’s what got you here now, typing silently on your laptop while darting your eyes on the enticing teacher. You have this secret Tumblr blog you’re running, writing smutty content in order to relieve yourself from the sexual frustration you’ve built up all these years while not finding the right time to enter in a relationship. You had a considerable amount of followers who are always excited about every new story you post. You would have never done this at school, but Mr. Hiddleston right here doesn’t help your current state too much and you couldn’t handle yourself. Thoughts flow continuously as he’s teaching his course, your fresh new teacher x student piece of work is extremely appreciated. You are almost in the last row of seats, the row behind you is empty. The perfect place for nobody to pay attention to what you are doing besides your best friend seated next to you, rolling her pen while concentrating on your teacher’s remarks. The third chapter is getting a good start until a little bump in your sides startles you and when you look up at your teacher you find him staring directly at you.

“Miss Y/N, have you been listening to what I was saying?”

Panic envelops your whole mind. Shit, we're talking about Othello, aren’t we? You steal a glance at your best friend’s laptop and read her last phrase. Your answer is more a question than an answer and he narrows his eyes.

“Are you asking me or are you answering me?”

“Answering,” you try to sound more confident but you’re pretty sure he saw your eyes flash to your friend’s notes.

“Indeed we were,” his lips tighten as he glances at the clock. “Please send me your essay on our last analyzed work now and then you’re free,” he tells to the class after throwing another short judging look to your presence.

You admit that you are extremely embarrassed right now, so you quickly close both of your fanfiction and essay and attach the document on your desktop to the email before sending it to Mr. Hiddleston. You get up quickly and mutter a “goodbye” while your friend storms out after you.

“I have told you that you need to get a grip of yourself!” she states while she’s struggling with her bag.

“I know,” you sigh taking a seat on the closest free bench you find. “I love literature and I am usually paying attention, but… look at him!... It’s like… like he’s sculpted by the Gods,” you roll your eyes and your friend chuckles.

“You and every other girl drooling over our literature teacher.”

“I am pretty sure you'd do the same if you didn’t have a boyfriend,” you peer at her as you’re starting your laptop again.

“Your new fanfiction is really good though,” she grins at you and you smirk back.

“That’s why I was a little bit absent. It… gets better if I write it while I have the inspiration in front of me,” you crack your hands before opening your fanfic folder and your breath hitches.

“What?”

“Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck, why isn’t it here?” you curse and go back to the desktop to open the document saved there.

“Oh my God,” your whole body freezes as the file named “Document” which was supposed to be the essay was actually the third part of your newest fanfiction. You were in such a hurry that you forgot to rename the fanfiction file and switch to the specific folder for fanfiction. The actual essay file was in your documents folder, where you saved it last night at 4 am. You were too tired to review it and you just lazily saved it as it was, without a name or a specific location. You were actually planning to read it again and make the final touches during class but you were caught up in the fanfic and forgot to do it and then Mr. Hiddleston flustered you and… you’ve just ruined your life.

“Earth to Y/N, what happened?” your friend shakes you and your face contorts in regret.

“I have sent… I… the file… my fanfic….” you were stammering with your words.

“You sent Mr. Hiddleston the fanfic you wrote about him?!” she whispers and you nearly scream at her.

“INSPIRED!” you nearly yelled at her before pausing, “Inspired by him,” your voice lowers and you feel your whole existence crumbling away.

“Shit. Just… send him another email with the right document and tell him that you mistakenly attached a different file.”

Your fingers were shaking on the keyboard while browsing through the Gmail again.

“What if he opens it?”

“I don’t know… write something like “please ignore it?” “

“That’s exactly the wrong thing to say. He might get more curious.”

“Then just send it by saying you got the wrong essay and done.”

“I have to erase that email,” you shudder after you successfully sending the right file.

“Sure, what are you going to do? Break into his office?”

You turn your head at your friend and she frowns.

“No… no no no. Are you crazy? This might get you expelled!”

“The fanfiction itself will get me expelled!”

“Maybe he won’t read it. C’mon, you gave him another file. Why would he bother?”

“Wouldn’t you?”

“I… I guess so. But he’s a teacher.”

“So what, you think teachers have no curiosity?”

“Y/N, breathe, relax. You can’t break in anyways, the cameras will see you. And how are you supposed to open an unlocked door? You may have been watching Supernatural but your bobby pin skills are shit.”

“I can… I can just wait for him to exit his office and quickly get inside and and…”

“Who doesn’t lock their office while they’re out?”

“Even for a bathroom break?” you realize that you sound stupid but right now, you couldn’t allow that man to have that piece of work in his fucking email inbox.

“Let’s say he does. What will happen when you’re seen on camera?”

“Teacher offices don’t have cameras inside.”

“And the hallway one?”

“Do you think they actually pay attention to all of them?”

“I don’t know.”

“In that case… I will enter, delete what I have to delete fast and then get out and wait at the door for him. If someone actually checks the cameras, I can say that I wanted to talk with him and I didn’t find him inside so I left his office and waited.”

“You will enter his fucking office! And stay for like at least two minutes. It only takes a quick glance inside to see that he’s absent!” your friend’s arms raise in the air exasperatedly.

“I’ll just say that I stormed in without thinking and I knocked over something in his office and picked it up to put it back in place and then...”

“You’re stupid,” she finally concludes. “Do not do that,” she stands up and heads for the next class. “Coming?”

I look at her with pleading eyes and she shakes her head. “I’m not getting into this. And neither you are. Now be a good girl and go to your next class without causing trouble.”

You had two different courses from your friend, the optional ones which were split into two groups because of the large number of students who applied for them. Unfortunately, you were in the last group because of your last name’s first letter and your friend was in the first one. You considered it bad luck before, but now you were happy that you would be separated from your friend for 4 hours so you could get away with your idiotic plan.

“Ok,” you mutter and feign to have lost all the interest in whatever mission you planed.

“Good.”

Ok. Breathe. You can do this, somehow.

You lean on the wall, watching from the end of the hallway the door of Mr. Hiddleston's office. Classes already started so it means he has no courses for now. Perfect. It's near lunch break so he might actually get out to grab something while he still has free time. And indeed he does, only that he locks the door. You hide behind the corner as he turns around and heads for somewhere.

Maybe she was right… Who would leave their office door unlocked? Your concentration draws back to Mr. Hiddleston's gracious form entering back into his office, carrying some papers. Damn. This will be harder than you have expected. You really hoped that there's going to be an opening but two hours pass and you're still there. He leaves from the office two more times by the third hour, each time locking the door. When you almost give up, another door cracking sound gets your attention and your teacher leaves his office WITHOUT unlocking the door. Your mouth drops for a few seconds, then run to the room you have been watching. Your heart pounds like crazy when you get in and quickly head for his computer. You click on the Gmail icon and your chest stings. He is not logged in. Why??? A low groan escapes your throat and right at that moment the door flings open, displaying Mr. Hiddleston in full grace. Your eyes widen and hands start to tremble on the desk while he actually doesn’t seem that surprised by your presence.

“You’d better have an extraordinarily believable excuse for this situation Miss Y/N. Or this is going to get a lot worse than it already is.”

Your breath is caught in your throat, chest clenching in panic. You would find this exciting if you were living in your damn fanfiction, but this is real life and the chances of being expelled are now very high.

“I'm… I… Mr. Hiddleston,” your eyes are fixed on his strong gaze, burning holes into your flushed face.

“See Miss Y/N, you're not very subtle at spying someone. And I want to believe you're more than just a cheating student, which I actually doubt it since you have been ranked top of this course for quite some time.”

“I AM SO SORRY. I… I WAS WRITING SOMETHING ELSE DURING TODAY'S CLASS BECAUSE I READ ALL THE NOTES YOU GAVE, NOT JUST THE INTRODUCTION THAT YOU ASSIGNED SO I MADE THE BAD CHOICE TO CONTINUE WORKING ON THAT… SOMETHING ELSE BUT I PANICKED WHEN YOU SAW ME AND INSTEAD OF HOMEWORK I HAVE SENT YOU THE DOCUMENT I WAS WRITING AND IT IS VERY PERSONAL THEREFORE I WANTED TO DELETE IT BEFORE YOU COULD SEE IT!” your voice becomes higher and shaky as you speak.

“And why didn't you just send the correct file afterward?”

“I did but... I was afraid that you might still check the first one.”

Mr. Hiddleston scoffs, “What do you take me for? I have no interest in other than the essay I asked for.”

“I… knew… it.”

“But you still thought it was a good idea to sneak into my office?”

“Just in case you might accidentally…”

“Enough!” his stern voice startles you and you yelp.

“This is a very serious situation. However I do not have time to deal with it now,” his presence moves next to yours and you back up from the desk. He types something, the silence between you two killing you. He motions to move closer and you do so.

“Is this the wrong one?” he points.

You nod, afraid to make another sound which might upset him further. He presses the delete button and you would have enjoyed this accomplishment if it weren’t for the given situation. You want to melt into the ground.

“Now get out!” his tone was calmer this time although you can still sense the annoyance. With your head slightly bowed, you apologize again and storm out the door.

He couldn't just believe his eyes. You actually had the audacity to break into a teacher’s office. Was that wrong document even the real reason? Or was it a lie for some sabotage? His mind was going wild with scenarios, and he couldn't handle himself. Curiosity? At first, he might not have opened both files but after you have just risked getting expelled for some stupid document, he admits that it stirred some curiosity. But now he could cover it up with the fact that he has to make sure this whole situation happened truly because of that personal thing.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and seats on his leather chair, his hand involuntarily retrieving your email from the Bin Folder. He opens it and a single-page story pops out on the computer screen. He scans the writing and can’t figure what exactly that is. It’s a story for sure... with a teacher? At the end of the file, there’s a link and he almost has second thoughts but clicks on it anyways and a Tumblr page opens in his browser. What is he doing? He knows that this kind of site has, different things and here he is: a grown ass adult checking a student personal material. Now, he probably would have stopped if it weren’t for you breaking into his office, so he throws away any guilt and starts reading whatever popped on the site. And then his mouth drops. This is a written fantasy of yours with… a teacher. He shakes his head and closes his eyes for a moment. This is an actually pleasingly written piece of work, though it’s all, adult content. He shifts in his seat, already feeling a little bit turned on by the amazingly details given. However, he’s soon hard enough when he reads the description of the teacher and becomes aware of the similarities between him and the character…He shakes his head, maybe it’s just his imagination, but then, a specific comment catches his attention.

Tumblr user comment: This is so good! Can you tell us which celebrity do you portray as the teacher?

Your comment: Oh! I actually do not have one. I could say I am inspired by someone real /wink/, but can’t reveal more. I don’t want to get kicked out because I daydream of my teacher hahaha

Tumbler user comment: Omg, author has a hot teacher! Keep up with the good work!

You have been writing your sexual fantasies about him, during his own class. He is struck by your boldness and can’t admit this doesn’t thrill him. Of course, he is aware he has a specific presence, students might swoon over him and it was possible that some might even daydream about different scenarios. The fact that you are one of the most down to Earth and most talented students he has ever meet, has some stirring effect to his own self. He would have never imagined this kind of scandalous relationship even if he’s a college teacher for master degree courses and the given situation isn’t exactly illegal or forbidden. He always sees his students as just his students. He groans and closes the page quickly.

This won’t do it. Just erase everything you read from your  mind and act as if this never happened, Tom.

Taglist opened(please mention which one do you want): 

Loki/ Tom Hiddleston taglist: @drakesfiance , @cutiepotpie177 , @brokenthelovely , @ultrailoveharrystylesblog, @mooncrow123 , @heart-shaped-hell

[sui-senka]

The dumbest post

I think y’all should be here to witness the dumbest post I’ll ever make, as I’m not all about getting into discourse and that, and any other self-identifying Vergil lovers please come here:

@creepyscritches, @brasspetalsx, @fandomhell97, @breezeinmonochromenight, @kaldea88, @xalmasyx, @hornyangrybean, @noir-sorrow, @catspook, @xenontrioxide, @zilla-may-cry, @boobble, @vergilshusband, @tifaroni, @littlebluewraith, @im-a-clown, @genovaempera, @neodicronus, @thelessiknowtheworse, @thriilsy, @jestermania, @bunny-girl-sweetseek, @darka3363, @witchkiid, @45, @manadebutt, @magsamaire, @spaghetti-queerghetti, @clairexredfields, @204863-yunglynn, @yuri-subtext, @miss-soso-25, @josuke-kujo, @cameguisada, @trionfi, @glitteryhumanfiretrash, @lewdbunbun, @journalofsparda, @complacentdevil, @infernokid, @emogodmatthew, @brit-o-raptor, @salsa-and-chips, @gemstone-enema

I’d like y’all to bear witness, as I take down this bitch-ass clown. As I’ve blocked the person in question that I want to call out - please tag them into this post to have at them ;) Also - to the other people that didn’t get this, tag your mutuals and get them here.

I’d also like to announce that @thephantomporg84 is now masquerading as @derelict-stranger, and I got a few messages a few days ago about how she was gonna take down her account, and how she wants me to block all of you, which is ridiculous as you are all blogs that I have known and followed way before her and also I don’t know you either. I told her that I didn’t want to be involved in her drama, but here I am. 

It’s kinda hard for me to make this post, as I genuinely thought that she was cool in the beginning - she helped to give me more DMC asks in my inbox, and she always reblogged my stuff, as I’ve been trying to make it with the big guys - like @myfairmidnightladyspade.

But I saw the stuff that she says online to you all, and I think I got some anon messages from her asking if I was a terf or not... and yeah - my heart broke. I feel like I have been deceived in some way. What I wanted to be there was someone who was cool, and funny to talk to, but turns out that person is petty, heartless, immature and straight up spiteful.

I may have to justify myself in why I got messages from her - I was only trying to console her, but to do it in a neutral way as I wanted no part in her drama.

Also - i’m probably not gonna show any evidence for how much she sucks cause there’s tags and anon posts dedicated to that sort of thing

I want you on tumblr, and you on Reddit to find her, and in the /v/ section of 4chan to block her and report her for all she’s done. I want you to wipe her existence from the internet until there is nothing left.

Now - I need to change the flow of the conversation by directing it to you, @derelict-stranger.

I’d like you to kindly log off, take a breather and think, for a second about the actions that you’ve done to the people that I’ve mentioned above. 

I’d also like to tell you that your suggestion to block all those people above is complete nonsense. Why would you make me block blogs who have perfectly decent and awesome content, and to those who I have talked to longer than you? why would you make me block blogs who I don’t know? Quit trying to get me on your side. I want no part in your drama like I said before, and stop trying to manipulate me into getting me to give a shit about you.

I’d also like to tell you that your situation is entirely self-inflicted. That you trying to talk to me won’t work, the only reason that people are apparently “attacking you” - is because you, in fact, are the instigator, are the catalyst of all this hatred.

You - @derelict-stranger, lack any ability whatsoever to disagree well. From where I’m looking, all of this started because you don’t like Vergil from the Devil May Cry games and you don’t like the plot of 5, which seems extremely stupid to me, as he’s only a small-ish part of 1, one of the best boss-fights in 3 and just a mere mention in 4. The fact that you need to incessantly attack content creators who merely like him is stupid. Either keep those opinions to yourself, ignore them, or do my favourite -> stick ‘em up your big stupid ass.

It’s also stupid that when people merely like him - you have to bring in your own shitty opinions. No one asked you what you thought, and I’m pretty sure you’re actively seeking out fights with people just to feel good about yourself. It’s also super hypocritical of you ragging on about how much Vergil sucks, when you go crazy for Kylo Ren, as they share some similarities in terms of their vibes and traits. (Yeah - I see you asking for smutty Kylo Ren x Reader requests online.....) Why do you get pissy when people like villainous fictional characters - do your knickers

What I just want to know is what kind of personal gratification you get when you actively hate on a character, and what kind of gratification you get when just because someone disagrees with you - that you have to result using death threats, rape threats, pedophilia threats, racism, slurs, and ableism,  transphobia, alt-right rhetoric, neo-Nazi shit, pro-Trump, and homophobic comments to content creators just doin’ their own thing. Is it just to feel like the bigger man, is it to make yourself sound smarter than the other person (Cause you don’t) - like what actually motivates you, what actually makes you want to shit on other people’s parades, huh? Sounds to me like you need to get a life.

The fact that you always need to play the victim is sad and pathetic too:

- That you’re on the spectrum: - Okay, there are a lot of people who are on the spectrum here on tumblr. But they don’t use it as an excuse to justify shitty behaviour especially if it’s unitentional. as I’m sure they and the people they know are. I’m sure they apologise and try to get on with life like how NT people do. As you know - a lot of people of the spectrum feel like they’re being treated as sub-human being babies that do nothing but screech all the time, and they’re taking action to change those perceptions. Your behaviours are not helping their cause.

- That you use depression as an excuse - I’m kinda sympathetic to the whole mental health issues thing. I have them too. In fact, I am a hot mess. But I don’t use that to excuse me hurting other people with intention, and I’m sure many others don’t either. At least 1/4 or 1/3 will have some mental health issues in their life, and yeah, it sucks, and it’s common but it doesn’t make them exempt from them being called out on their shitty acts. the fact that so many people are and can be mentally ill doesn’t make you special, and it doesn’t give you a free pass to attack others.

- The fact that you try to bait people into making anti-semitic comments, so you can call them anti-semitic. Dude, that’s low. I’m pretty sure that’s gaslighting and manipulation as well. You don’t get the right to use your religion/race in that way as a defence when you’re feeling attacked so that you come off a better person. I’m friends with many jewish people, and they’d never have the gall to do that. I know that your peeople have had it rough, but you can’t use that in an argument just to prove that the other one is a piece of shit, when it is in fact you. I’m muslim, a WOC, and ancestrally speaking, from a country that your so-beloved president essentially banned their right to seek a better life in the states. For as long as I can remember - I’ve seen news about my kind being universally hated, I’ve been brought up in a post-9/11 world where for as long as I can remember that me and our kind are the enemy (so I can sympathise) - but you don’t see me and other muslims here using those petty tactics that you use, because unlike you, we’re not myopic and we know that won’t get us anywhere.

I mean, this behaviour sounds bratty and childish - so I was thinking, she’ll probably grow out of it. Then I find that you’re in you’re mid-twenties, and I think “you really haven’t grown up at all, have you?”, and honestly it just makes the behaviour worse as you are resulting to middle school/high school tactics -> especially making me block all those people, calling them sociopaths and evil bitches. This ain’t high school or Mean Girls, moron, this is a fandom. A place where people can create, share, like and comment on content that makes you happy. I don’t think you understand what that means - cause all I see, and everyone sees is you spewing hatred everywhere. Fandoms are supposed to make you feel included, feel happy, feel safe, be a place to make friends. I don’t think you know that, and I don’t think you are even smart enough to realise that you are the reason why our fandom isn’t happy.

And honestly, at this point, the hatred you are getting is well deserved. You deserve to feel like shit if all you are going to do is make others feel like shit.

I don’t know what else to say but:

1. Get the hell away from our fandom

2. Get rid of your internet connection.

3. Get a life.

4. We don’t want you here.

5. You’re scum.

6. Go suck a dick, or flick a bean, whatever gets you off you troglodyte.

I liked you man, I really did. Then I saw how you treat others, and now I know I made a dumb life choice in making friends with you. If only you weren’t such a piece of shit, we could have been good friends.

I don’t want you here on tumblr. They don’t want you here. No-one wants or needs a toxic parasite like you on this website.

Yours sincerely,

sui-senka, who just sucked Vergil’s dick yesterday, and liked it.

[jimintomystery]

Crisis on Infinite Earths

What with the TV crossover going on, I found I couldn’t remember much about the original Crisis on Infinite Earths comics and decided to re-read them.  There’s a certain mystique about Crisis, partly because it was so unprecedented at the time, and partly because it is only referenced indirectly in most DC comics that came after it.  I’d like to do my part to clarify the enigma.

First of all, Crisis is commonly described as if its primary purpose was to “clean up” discontinuities that had accumulated in the DC canon.  I think this is a very poor summary of the story.  It makes it sound like the point is to identify and address why, for example, Superboy met Atlanteans and Martians who were nothing like Aquaman and J’onn J’onnz.  Since Crisis destroys and recreates reality, it happens to be a macguffin for declaring that those contradictory stories just don’t count.  But the story isn’t about that.

Crisis on Infinite Earths was designed to be the ultimate edition of DC’s multiverse team-ups featuring the Justice League and Justice Society (“Crisis on Earth-1,” “Crisis on Earth-3,” etc.).  To that end, the series attempts to cram in appearances by every possible hero, villain, and supporting character in DC’s multiverse.  But more to the point, to be the ultimate "crisis”, the plot brings an end to the multiverse itself, consolidating it into a single universe.  The tone of the story is less “gosh, I sure am glad we got rid of those continuity errors” and more “oh crap, this guy destroyed thousands of universes, so he’s incomprehensibly powerful, and we’re next.”

Unfortunately, Crisis on Infinite Earths the story doesn’t live up to the hype of Crisis on Infinite Earths the event.

At this point I want to summarize the plot of the series, because I so rarely see people actually do that.  They get so bogged down in the real-world editorial motivations for doing the story, or the scope and how confusing it is, or the consequences to later continuity.  Crisis itself doesn’t explain what’s going on until issue 7 (of 12).  But I think it’s not actually that hard to encapsulate the story, so here goes:

Eons ago, the Oan scientist Krona conducted an experiment to peer back in time to the creation of the universe, defying warnings of disaster if he attempted it.  The resulting chaos divided the universe into an antimatter universe and a variety of positive-matter universes.  It also created two “Monitors”--an evil one on the antimatter universe world of Qward, and a good one on a moon of Oa.  The Anti-Monitor attacked the multiverse, but his counterpart kept him in check until they both collapsed from exhaustion.  Recently, another scientist (later known as “Pariah”) attempted the same experiment as Krona, destroying his universe and thereby expanding the Anti-Monitor’s domain.  This awakened the Anti-Monitor and showed him how he could destroy the multiverse, one universe at a time.

Crisis begins with the Monitor launching a byzantine response to his enemy’s new assault.  He summons characters from various realities and timeframes to protect giant machines.  The Anti-Monitor subverts Harbinger long enough to kill the Monitor, but Monitor saw that coming.  Upon his death, the Monitor releases enough energy to power his machines, which place the universes of Earth-1 and Earth-2 in a “netherverse” beyond Anti-Monitor’s reach.  He also leaves instructions for how his allies can similarly rescue Earth-4, Earth-S, and Earth-X.

The heroes team up to storm Anti-Monitor’s base and beat him up, forcing him to retreat to Qward.  (Supergirl is killed in this battle.)  While the heroes deal with the odd intermingling of the surviving five worlds, the Anti-Monitor regroups at Qward, but the Flash (Barry Allen, whom he’d taken prisoner) sacrifices himself to destroy some antimatter superweapon.  During this lull in the fighting, the supervillains try to stage a coup, forcing the heroes to fight back.  The Spectre intervenes to warn everyone that the Anti-Monitor has relocated to the dawn of time to prevent the positive-matter universes from ever existing. 

The heroes go back in time to stop Anti-Monitor, while the villains go back to prevent Krona’s experiment from happening.  The heroes succeed, but the villains fail, and the resulting stalemate restarts reality in a way neither side anticipated.  Now there has always been just one positive universe, based on elements of the five that were saved, and one antimatter universe.  Only those present at the dawn of time remember the multiverse existed, and a few of them find they never existed in the new timeline.  (I should note that the actual big continuity changes associated with this event, like the John Byrne Superman reboot, aren’t actually in effect yet in this “post-Crisis universe,” which ultimately creates more continuity errors than were resolved.)

The Anti-Monitor is pissed and sends his shadow demons in a final offensive against “New Earth.”  The most powerful heroes go to Qward and (with an assist from Darkseid) destroy him once and for all.  More heroes die, and the “I never existed” characters that survived get sent to heaven, more or less.  It is implied that everyone will gradually forget the multiverse, and therefore also forget most of the specifics of this crisis.

Now, that took about 500 words, which may seem excessive.  But I wrote all that to help illustrate that the core plot would not be super-complicated when separated from the dozens of irrelevant interludes that pad out the story.  Crisis on Infinite Earths seems daunting because it encompasses the entire breadth of the Bronze Age DC multiverse, but it fails to justify doing that.  Like, there’s a scene with John Constantine and Mento that suggests John is important (because he’s the one guy that’s sure everything will be fine), but it’s never brought up again.  And before you say “well, you’re supposed to read the Swamp Thing tie-in issues for more!” you’d better damn well have as slick an answer for the Balloon Buster scene, or the stupid detective convention.

Cut out the unnecessary appearances by irrelevant characters, and Crisis would still be hampered by the structure of the story.  The first five issues are bogged down by characters not knowing what’s going on, and Monitor refusing to explain because there’s no time, and Monitor’s plans collapsing because his recruits don’t really understand their assignments.  We don’t learn who the bad guy is or what he wants for almost half the story, and then he turns out to be a fairly generic bad guy that wants to kill everybody simply because that’d be an evil thing to do.  So there’s not really that much to do in the second half except bemoan the senseless destruction in between rounds of punching the bad guy.

None of that detracts from the importance of Crisis as a milestone in comics history.  Stories like this set the tone for company-wide crossovers ever since.  We have the big crowd shots of way too many heroes being briefed because of Crisis.  We have cosmic threats too big to punch, and street-level heroes standing around realizing they can’t help, because of Crisis.  Giant events like this always have a million tie-ins you really don’t have to read, and one tie-in you absolutely have to read for the story to make sense, because of Crisis.  For better or worse, this story changed everything.  But as reading material, it leaves a lot to be desired.

[boleynns]

“For the Throne” Album - potential clues to S8

I somehow just noticed that the entire “Inspired by Game of Thrones” album was released (they had only release the first 3 songs when I checked about 2 weeks ago), and I listened to the entire thing while taking notes. TLDR take-away: strong evidence that artists were given plot-points for S8, strong evidence of a betrayal for love, lots of fire, and (I think) major arrows towards Danni’s journey for the rest of the show.

Disclaimer: confirmation bias exists, and I love the idea of Danni burning down King’s Landing, so I can’t help but read into that. If the idea of that plot point bothers you, this might not be the lyric analysis you want to read!

Kingdom of One by Maren Morris

This was one of the ones released after (I think…) ep. 1, though it does have some hints to future events.

“First light, sacrifice” (Melisandre dying)

“Bird’s eye, saw the signs” (Bran)

“All you can give, all you can bear, all that you longed for, nothing compares, but nothing is sacred, no one is safe, so you wanna play God? Is that all you got? Would you sell your soul, burn it all, everything that you love, finally become second to none in a kingdom of one?” If this chorus is in-line with the rest of this song, this to me screams: Danni lost nearly everything in the Battle of Winterfell - Jon (parentage reveal), potentially Rhaegal (not that he died, just that he’s kinda Jon’s dragon now), the Dothraki, most of the Unsullied, and her most trusted advisor and friend in Jorah, and now there’s no point in not just burning everything down.

If I squint, the chorus could be about Cersei (everything she’s loved before doesn’t matter next to power, she burnt down the Sept and once Jaime left effectively became a “kingdom of one”), but overall it doesn’t seem to emotionally fit her as well, and Cersei has no involvement with the other Winterfell characters alluded to - nor any involvement in the battle. Also the song ends with even more fire (“burn it all”, “ash to ash, dust to dust”).

Power is Power by The Weekend

I know this song has had a lyric video, but I think it’s still worth examining. “Power is Power” (those words, not the song itself) is obviously a Cersei line, but the first verse seems very Night-King-oriented (“I was born in the ice and snow, with the winter wolves, in the dark alone”)

The chorus though then goes into something that could fit Cersei or (probably) Danni as well (“A knife in my heart couldn’t slow me down, cuz power is power, now watch me burn it down”). There are many, many, many “burn it all” references through this album, and while Cersei did use wildfyre on the Sept, Danni’s whole thing is “Fire and Blood” so it just seems inevitable that it’s her burning the Red Keep/King’s Landing.

“I die looking up at your face…Only love could kill me, God bless” Could again fit Cersei (with the theory that Jaime kills her) or Danni (betrayal for Love)

“Heavy is the crown, but never for a queen” Again, both Cersei and Danni, but again the song ends with “Now watch me burn it down”.

Nightshade by The Lumineers

Pretty much about the collective group in the S7 excursion beyond the wall. The second verse is interesting and very specific — about a single rider who saw the Army’s footprints, who swore an oath and with their life would pay, and also mentions “80 miles from home”. Seems like it’s about Benjen who was a rider, a Night’s Watch member, and a Stark from Winterfell (not exactly 80 miles, but I’m assuming that number was more chosen for rhyming purposes).

The 3rd Verse (“We were surrounded and the ending was near, all of the sudden, a ranger arrived, a savior appeared - made it to safety, but the devil was here”) again about Benjen (ranger) arriving to the S7 fight beyond the wall.

Originally I thought the chorus wasn’t really thematically relevant to the rest of the song (each chorus ends with “It was all for the throne”), and it seemed more like a general allusion to the marketing for the season, but also could be that the whole Beyond the Wall excursion was literally only to gain Danni a temporary truce in her perusal of the throne.

Hollow Crown by Ellie Goulding

The song overall is about a House of Cards (“paper castle”, “hollow crown”, all things that are flimsy and won’t last) and again mentions “burn it down”. And again pretty clearly seems like a Cersei & Daenerys song about the other being the fake queen and how it’ll end with Dany burning the Red Keep.

The first verse is all about paranoia (“Is there anyone you trust ‘round here”, “Keep a knife under your pillow”, “You got everyone against you somehow”, “It’s become an obsession, look at your refection, look who you’re becoming right now”): while this could still fit either of them, the “look at who you’re becoming” seems more Danni-relevant as Cersei has always been this way.

Baptize Me by X Ambassadors and Jacob Banks

Perhaps about Theon? A lot of water imagery, mentions of redemption and praying for a savior, but overall of all the songs on the album this one is the most vague and generic country-rock. Maybe I’m being stupid for not getting who this song is about, as it doesn’t even completely fit Theon completely, and just doesn’t sound like any character we know specifically. I’m really not into this song, and ends up just sounding like a guy in our world singing about God instead of a Game of Thrones character.

Too Many Gods by A$AP Rocky & Joey Bada$$

Overall about a lot of wars, a lot of gods, etc. Good song! Definitely specifics about the show (thrones, ravens, etc.) that could be about Jon, but kind of mainly about the futility of war and all the pain it brings. Some interesting single lines:

“It’s just too many laws” - reminds me of Jaime’s “They make you swear and swear” speech.

“Strange screams down the corridors” — Arya running through Winterfell’s halls

“I had a dream I woke up a king in a peasant body” — Jon post-parentage feelings, not feeling like he should be a king?

“Still and silent, writing papers, flying ravens with a message about me” — Anytime I read/see S8 stuff mentioning raven scrolls all I can think of is Sophie Turner saying she was given a raven scroll from S8 as a souvenir, and I want to know what it means. So that is all I can think of with this line.

Turn On Me by The National

Musically, this is my favorite song on the album. Great lyrics, great atmosphere. The lyrics seem to point to the song being about Jon from Danni’s perspective. Starts off about the rhythm of the ocean under the moon (boat!bang), and specifically mentions “And your mother’s angst the day you were born, the day you cut her down” (Lyanna dying in childbirth). For a bit I thought it could be about Tyrion, but the rest of the song is dealing with the betrayal of an intimate relationship which doesn’t really fit with him.

The second verse is a total mystery to me that may be solved in retrospect, but its very poetic (“Do leaves fall in perfect sentences? Do maggots crawl your name?”).

“Do mirrors laugh at you behind your back?” — this is the second reference to mirrors, after the line in “Hollow Crown”

“Does your family think you’re too far gone, do you wonder if they’re right? Are you different than you used to be? Are you alone somewhere tonight?” — Danni & Jon post-parentage. The Starks clearly not interested in Jon taking on a Targaryen identity.

“I’ve gone too high, I’m way too far, I’ve no idea where you are. Will I see you when you turn, when you turn on me? When I turn around will you be there, at the center of the world like you promised to be? Will you suddenly seem like a stranger? I can’t tell anymore what you want from me.” — Again, whatever Jon and Danni had in Dannie’s eyes has been ruined by the reveal, and her worry is that he’ll turn on her.

From the Grave by James Arthur

“crown of roses in your hair”, potentially about Rhaeger and Lyanna? A lot of “I’m far away, but I miss you and want to come back”. Not to mention it’s called “From the Grave” and they’re both dead, and within the song it sounds like the singer is speaking from the grave. Another vague song.

Me Traicionaste (“You Betrayed Me”) by Rosalia

It’s in Spanish so I had to google translate the lyrics, but the sound is very haunting and it’s literally called “You Betrayed Me” HELLO.

“I came to meet you even though I knew, Oh, you designed it, Bye, you betrayed me, Oh, love you do not see it”- Which is straight-up Political!Jon in one stanza. You can squint and see Tyrion or Varys betraying her, but she’s not in love with either of them so seems much less likely.

When I Lie by Lil Peep

“Stick that needle in my eye, just lost my peace of mind, I’m not evil be design, but I feel dead at times”.

“All my friends are really dead, still hear their voices in my head”.

This one is hard to pin down, as the lyrics are very specific but somehow vague at the same time. I’m wondering if “needle” is Arya’s Needle, and potentially this is about Cersei? Or someone else that Arya will kill with Needle? The song uses “lie” as both “not telling the truth” and “laying down”.

Love Can Kill by Lennon Stella

“I wasn’t thinking when I told you to stay, it was just too hard to push you away, you don’t know that you’re in over your head, I’m afraid I’ll push you over the edge” — Another mystery song! The rest of the song is about this relationship that needs to be let go of even though they don’t want to, and how one of them is not safe because of it. 

I thought about it being Danni & Jon, but I don’t think it makes sense. 

The only thing that has already happened in the show that fits the lyrics is actually Tyrion and Shae - him saying he needs her to leave even though he doesn’t want to, her being in danger, the consequence being life or death...but that relationship was a long time ago and doesn’t really feel important enough to merit a song, so who knows.

Wolf at Your Door by Chloe and Halle

Just from the title I immediately though of Jon at Dany’s door on the boat, but this song actually encompasses all of the remaining Starks (though mostly focuses on Arya).

“A wolf creeps softly in the snow, a knife between her teeth she roams, for she is now a stranger” - Arya using her faceless man skills to sneak into the Godswood with the Catspaw Dagger.

“Chasing a fairytale, chasin’ a lie, but everything changes, and everything dies. You preyed on my innocence, tried to bury my name, but now there’ ice in my veins” — Sansa wanting to be a princess in a fairytale that wasn’t real, her family dying, being used by everyone as a pawn, but coming out the other side.

“There’s a wolf at your door, there’s a hound at your heels, there’s a snake in your bed, tell me how does it feel?” — Maybe about Jon — the wolf at your door, and he’s sleeping (or was sleeping) with a “dragon” (might be a stretch to snake, but whatever). Or he’s the snake in someone’s bed?

“When you let the wolves in, you let the wolves in. When you think that it’s over, I swear, we’ll be there” - A Time for Wolves bitches!

“Up from the ashes, run through the fire, Down by the blade that bled us the same” — clearly about the Catspaw Dagger being used against the Starks and then Arya using it to protect them. 

I’m lit by this song’s lyrics.

Pray by Matt Bellamy

This song uses direct clips of Melisandre’s words while bringing Jon back to life in S6, but then the English says “Pray with me, we can bring her back” which…is someone (Dany? Sansa?) else going to die and then be brought back to life? A woman hasn’t been brought back before in the show (as far as I remember) so it’d need to be talking about in future episodes. Color me curious.

[ruffiorocks]

Lena and the Harun El bit of a rant.

Sooo I've seen a few posts saying that:

1. Lena 'stole' black kryptonite from Kara.

No she did not!! Kara and Alura brought the Harun El to Lena and used her to recreate more so that Argo City could survive. Lena figured out how to make it, she made enough to sustain Argo for years and then threw in the recipe as an added bonus. That isn't stealing, she simply made more using her own recipe.

2. Lena didn't ask Kara's permission to use Harun El.

Erm.. why would she? Kara doesn't own the Harun El. Kara brought back some of it from Argo to help with Reign then she got Lena to figure out how to make more so that Argo could survive. Lena doesn't have to ask Kara's permission to do anything!

3. 'Remember when Lena created Kryptonite and used it without telling Kara or asking her permission?'

😤😤 again! Lena does not have to ask the all great and powerful Supergirl who must be obeyed in all things permission to do anything! Contrary to popular belief Kryptonite does not belong to Kara or Clark just because it came from their dead planet. Personally I think Jonn had the right idea back in season 2 when he kept Kryptonite at the DEO. What if there are rogue Kryptonians? Oh right yeah THAT HAPPENED!! But he just thought 'meh we'll just get rid of it. What are the chances we'll need Kryptonite again?' *coughs Reign coughs*. Also how do you think a Kryptonite conversation would have gone between Lena and Kara? Yeah exactly.

When did Kara become the authority on all things? She doesn't control Lena or what Lena does anymore than she should have had any real authority at the DEO. Kara hates not being in the know and feels she had to be in control all the time. She also doesn't think she has to adhere to the same rules as everyone else because she is a 'superhero'. Kara went mad because Lena made Kryptonite to help Sam, she automatically thought of only herself and not Sam. 'I need to be in control of all Kryptonite'. Erm.. no sorry. Previous events have proved you shouldn't be. Also Lena had a point when she said lots of things could kill her, but Kara can't tolerate the very idea that something could harm her at all. I don't see her protesting against any of the weapons that were used against other aliens by the DEO? She's also more than happy to use her own life threatening powers on other people. Kara even kicked off because Lena dared make a machine she couldn't use her X ray vison on and saw it as an immediate threat to herself! Maybe Lena didn't want to be bloody spied on.

I digress again, but Kara has changed, not always for the better. She acts way more entitled than she used to. I know this new president is an asshole but Kara just ignores everything the President says rather than going through the proper channels. He may be awful but she just makes herself look bad when she's essentially saying 'screw the Presidents orders I'm Supergirl and I do what I want because I'm always right'. A message the COL honestly should have picked up on.

I have to admit I don't really like the new Kara, give me back my season 1 Kara. This new one is just full of her own self rightousness. She is always right no matter what. Government law and order means nothing to her. She wouldn't even stop getting involved with DEO business when she was told to back off. Yeah it sucks but those were the Presidents orders. I mean I know that satellite was going to used to attack incoming space ships but Kara completely destroyed it rather than say bringing it back to Earth so billions of dollars worth of equipment wasn't destroyed because she didn't approve. It's horrible what it was designed for, but it is NOT Kara's place to make decisions like that. She could have disabled it then informed the DEO, even Haley thought it was illegal.

So conclusion, Lena is not flawless. She even said to Haley she wouldn't do human trials so soon, I guess we are forgetting Adam ever existed? But if that was the case then Lena should never have experimented on Adam when she did. It's hypocritical and it was stupid. She isn't perfect. It's what makes her a good character and interesting.

She also doesnt have to tell Supergirl the great and powerful Goddess of all things everytime she decides to sneeze! She also doesn't need her permission to use a new element she helped recreate. Kara yelled at her and basically accused her of being evil for making green kryptonite then had this same woman in the same week or two make her black kryptonite so her entire world could survive. No word of apology I might add.

My apologies for my anti Kara rant here, I just hate what they've done to her and how she is suddenly in charge of all things. She's even in charge of Cat Co's interior design now to? When Jonn came to visit her said 'I love what you've done with the place'. What? No! Kara is a rookie reporter, no way is she seasoned in such a short amount of time. Where is my Snapper Carr?! He would set this right! Again when did Cat Co become Karaolsen Magazine? 🤔🤔

I'll stop now.

[tessatechaitea]

Team Titans #24

Zero Hour is here, business itches!

Ending sentences with "bitches" has always been a super fun way to emphasize a sentence and pretend that you're about to cap a motherfucker in the ass. But since I'm trying to stop using the word "bitches" and my friends all keep yelling at me that my replacement word, "retards," is way worse, I needed to come up with a word that rhymes with bitches. I'm not sure "business itches" works perfectly but it almost sounds like I'm jazzing up bitches in a white person trying to be more urban kind of way. And I don't mean "black" when I say "urban," although I wouldn't argue with somebody who says I did just that. I don't have time to go to law school at one of the top fourteen elite colleges just to learn how to argue that lies are truth and truth are lies! But I do have time to say, "We'll just have to agree to disagree!" What about "Zero Hour is here, Quidditchers!"? No? You know who the most tiresome people in the world are? People who constantly declare that we can't say anything anymore. You can say whatever you want! But you're expressing something inherent in yourself when you go to bat for specific things you want to keep saying. I don't know what the things people can't say anymore are because they never tell you specifically the things they want to keep saying that they can't. Which seems telling, doesn't it? It's as if they want their argument to seem reasonable by including a bunch of things that they can't comprehend people being angry at them for saying. Maybe things like "kittens" or "can of beer" or "onstage masturbation cage." But they never say anything that makes me think, "Whoa. You shouldn't say that," when they say that people can't say anything anymore. Give me some examples! But you know you won't get any examples because then they'll have to defend wanting to say some things that might make people ask, "What kind of person wants to keep saying that?!" Some dumb people might feel the gears in their brain beginning to spring to life, leading them to respond, "But didn't you just say you're not going to say 'bitches' and that your friends yell at you for saying 'retards'?! See? You can't say anything anymore!" To those people, I'd just like to point out that A. I just said both of those words so you're wrong and B. I've made the personal choice not to use certain language in casual ways. My use of the word "retards" in the previous context was carefully chosen for the joke. You'll notice I didn't call anybody that no matter how slow the gears in their brains took to spring to life. Plus, I have also used the word "dumb" at the beginning of this sentence which would get some people up in arms at me. But even if they messaged me and said, "You're an ableist motherfucker, you motherfucker!" (but with a word that probably isn't shaming people who fuck mothers. I actually don't know any curse words that somebody can't make problematic with a hot take!), remember that thing I said about law school? I don't have time to learn to argue these things! Maybe at some future date, I'll come around to their way of thinking and stop calling stupid morons dumb (and maybe morons too (and stupid? Is stupid bad?!)) but until then, I don't feel like I can't say it just because some people get mad at me for saying it. I'll take the verbal haranguing and just get on with my life. And if I feel that they've made a great point, maybe I'll apologize. I mean, I won't apologize or admit I did anything wrong! But maybe I'll surreptitiously change my behavior in the future! We can't all be fucking Tumblr saints like Wil Motherfucking Wheaton! Man, I really heard it that time. The term "motherfucker" is really problematic! The people with the slowest gears in their brains probably just finally spat out the term "virtue-signaler" after reading all of that. Interesting how a certain type of people who think they can't say anything anymore have come up with a specific term to shout at people saying things they'd rather those people didn't say. It's weird how they ignore how being angry that they can't say certain things sort of signals their anti-virtue? I mean, that might not be true but there's an easy way to prove me wrong: be specific with the things you can't say when you say you can't say anything. If you just want to call your dog fat in public, you might want to realize that, by not expressing that specific expression, people might think you want to spout the n-word willy-nilly. See how maybe you'd want to clarify that? Unless, I mean, is it possible you just want to go around saying the n-word? Normally, I'd actually type out the n-word in a conversation like this. But you can't say anything anymore! Without consequences, I mean! You know, I think I'd be fine with their argument if they just added "without consequences" to the end of it. It would be a hell of a lot more honest. "But it makes life so hard when you have to deal with repercussions!" For transparency's sake, I just did a search of the word "nigger" on my site and found it used in seventeen different reviews (eighteen counting this one now too, I suppose!) which seems like an awful lot (even considering I've got over four thousand reviews. That's less than half of a percent! I guess I have to admit to being 0.5% racist now. Hmm, that seems like a lot written out like that. I am the monster everybody has been telling me I am!). Most of the entries seem to be discussions on the conservative use of the word thug as a stand-in for the n-word or discussing the "euphemism treadmill." A few of them are discussing Quentin Tarantino. At least one was me parodying Xbox users. Obviously none of them were derogatory or meant to be hurtful. But a few may have been too casual and edgelord-y in the mentioning of the word. I'd say out of those seventeen uses, only one really made me cringe. It was less the usage of the word and more the anti-Tumblr rant I went on that day. I almost sounded like one of those assholes who blames their retreat into right-wing fascism on being called out by social justice warriors! I must have had a bad day where somebody complained that I called a woman a barn owl and I had and I knew that I shouldn't have and I was acting defensive. Sorry about that, Internet! I'll do better! I was going to link to some of those posts but then I thought, "Why should I?! If somebody is so obsessed with my use of a word, they should have to damn themselves by typing it into the search bar!" See? Sometimes using a word is a necessary evil! Now that I've completely ruined my reputation and confused people with my personal non-rhyming slang "barn owl," I should probably read Team Titans #24. According to the cover, it has dinosaurs!

The weirdest part of Zero Hour was the laugh track.

Proclaiming the story you just spent years writing was so terribly written that only idiots would enjoy it might not be the great meta-dialogue you thought it was. The editors at DC were like Australians importing foxes and cats to get rid of their imported rabbit problem. But instead of using invasive species to manage other invasive species, they decided using time travel and alternate timelines were the best way to cure the DC Universe of a time travel and alternate timeline problem. You would have thought destroying all of the alternate Earths would have taken care of the problems with alternate timelines. But you and the DC editors forgot that terrible writers would still use alternate futures of the same Earth to prop up their inability to write well. But also, since Crisis fucked up so many characters' points of origins (see my non-existent Infinity, Inc. reviews in an alternate timeline where I actually purchased those comics), Zero Hour was needed to just restate all the origins of all the characters. What better way to do that than to fuck with the main DC timeline?! What could go wrong (aside from losing all of the Hal Jordan fans)?! Monarch explains that to create a world where he controls everything, he had to send 600 Team Titans into specific points in the past to change things just the right way for events to bring him to power. It's a good thing that, naturally, events happened to bring him to a point where he could send 600 Team Titans into the past to change the future that made his future control of everything possible! Fucking time travel. Suck every dick! The issue begins like any other confusing, contrived, and convoluted Team Titans issue:

With a boy just recently resurrected getting trampled to death by mammoths.

The randomly resurrected people and feral mammoths probably weren't specifically part of Monarch's plan. But when you fuck with time, you're going to have to deal with some truly fucked up consequences. Herald and Bumblebee save the rest of the pioneer family from being killed. But afterward, the racist pioneer calls Herald a derogatory name and he's all, "Their remarks were offensive as hell!" And Bumblebee's response is, "You've become so political since you reached legal drinking age." What the fuck kind of response is that?! How is not wanting to be called a racial slur political?! And why the fuck would turning twenty-one make any difference?! Maybe it would make more sense if I knew anything about Herald and Bumblebee. I think they were important to the Titans in the early series which I never read. Meanwhile, dinosaurs are rampaging around Seattle's Capitol Hill district. And then Hero X, a Team Titan, gets eaten by a pterodactyl. I feel like it's supposed to be a funny moment but the laughs from the laugh track are missing and, I mean, a character just died. And that shouldn't be funny, even if the character was some jerk named Hero X. Unsure what might be happening, Bumblebee and Herald decide to take the Team Titans back to New Jersey to regroup with the other teams.

Ha ha! Automation! Artificial Intelligence hasn't gotten any better in the future if it's coming up with terrible super-hero names like that. Also, not everybody is there, Herald. Have you forgotten about poor Hero X already?!

Ugh. The same boring dinosaur fights around earthquakes with Titans saving people at the last second happens over and over and over again. Finally, Terra says, "I think we were being manipulated like pawns on a chessboard!" And, in the future, Monarch answers her! "Oh, if you only knew the extent of it, Terra! How my confusing and contrived and convoluted plan worked to a tea! Or is that a tee? Oh, fuck it! Who cares?! I am Captain Atom and I will...I mean, I am Hank Hall, also known as Haw, and I now rule the world! I think. How does time work again? Shouldn't my plan have already come to pass since I'm in the future? Why am I the future me that existed before I changed the past and still exist now that I've changed it? No, no! Don't think about it for too long! Just think about the name I'll use after Monarch. It has to be dignified and glorious and intimidating! So far I'm having a tough time picking between Bloodfestor and Extant!" Team Titans #24 Rating: F. What a terrible fucking end to a mostly terrible comic book. And I don't feel like I'm being mean or that my rating would hurt Jeff Jensen's feelings. He's the guy who called his own run on the Team Titans "confusing, contrived, and convoluted!"