#and like. a bunch of this is common to a lot of different marginalized communities

[eggy-tea]

For a movie featuring basically zero explicitly queer characters, Across the Spider-Verse was pretty fucking queer.

[fvretts]

Very different from my typical posts, but just wanted to compile a few reasons on why I think Trump unfortunately won the American election, as an American student! I posted the same thing on a burner account on twitter (trying not to get doxxed lmao). I'd love to discuss more about this if anyone is interested! 1. Misogyny and gender gap Unfortunately, there are these internal biases that a lot of men and women don't know that they have. People aren't used to seeing a women in power, ergo, they're not going to vote for one. Harris focused way too much on abortion as her main policy, which also only isolated young male voters. Regarding the gender gap, and also the shift right we're seeing within younger generations, I think during COVID and lockdown, there were a bunch of movements like BLM and LGBTQ+ awareness, and just overall things that helped marginalized groups gain a stronger voice and raise awareness to issues. However, time and time again, there was a common issue with all these communities and straight white men. These men were not used to having to take accountability for either their actions or actions that the society had done for them but against other communities, so instead they fueled that discomfort into hate and raised the platforms of horrible people like Andrew Tate. BTW I'm not at all saying that this is ALL straight white men, or it's only white men or it's only straight men. The common factor is being a man. Typically, in my experience, when it's regarding race or gender or sexuality, the men, typically, are either straight, white, or both.

2. Democrats really didn't differentiate themselves. Harris aligned herself more moderate when she should have aligned herself more left. The "undecided" and center votes were going to go to Trump, so she should have taken a more leftist stance, especially on issues like the genocide in Gaza. Most Americans, no matter their stance, are against the the "conflict" (genocide). Had Harris been more concrete about a ceasefire on Gaza and not giving aid to Israel, she would have gained a lot of leftist voters and perhaps convinced others to vote for her. My third, and arguably most influential reason to why we lost. 3. People associate life being better 2016-2020 related to Trump. I'm especially talking about the economy here. To the average American, the economy is the most important thing. Lower income POC voters aren't going to care that Trump is racist towards them, they care about how much it costs to live, and the economy dictates everything from employment and life of living. Trump, very fortunately, had inherited Obama's economy. Hence, unemployment rates were down and cost of living was affordable. In comparison, in 2020, we had a global pandemic, which completely shut down the economy. This is obviously not Biden and Harris' fault--we've actually recovered quite well from the lockdown, but we did have inflation and unemployment rates go up a lot due to this. Lots of people correlate inflation and unemployment rates TO Biden and Harris, rather than the extenuating circumstances there were. As they say in statistics, correlation is NOT causation, but it may appear that way, enough so, that it swings a lot of people's votes. And people are just not educated with what tariffs are.

[qqueenofhades]

oh, absolutely! and that’s why i’m honestly so fed up with these online leftists. they act like they were the first people to sound the alarm on bunch of horrible shit and go all defeatist, completely disrespecting the work of activists and organizers who have been trying to fix these issues since before they were even a thought. there’s this widespread idea that the systems won’t ever work in a way that’s fair because they weren’t designed to, and while yes, the systems were designed to be unfair and awful to marginalized groups, gutting them won’t solve the problem if there’s nothing to replace them with. mutual aid is a wonderful thing and i’m happy to see people talking about it but i don’t think a lot of them realize it can’t replace a system. it can help but it can’t be this thing you throw everything into because you’re disillusioned with the systems. the only way to make those systems better is to vote in candidates who will but these people are so sick of being told to vote they just refuse to even entertain why people may be telling them to do that.

See, this is where far-right libertarians and far-left "burn the whole system down!!!" ideologies once more collide. Far-right libertarians don't want to participate in society and don't want to be responsible for the welfare of others and don't want any rules and definitely no regulations and so on and so forth. Far-left "revolutionaries" claim to want the same thing in terms of destroying the existing system, but they do so out of some misguided idea that either some new and completely perfect system will magically spring from the ashes (spoiler alert: no), or that informal neighborhood-level networks of mutual aid (however they define that, when they're often willing to totally exclude people who disagree with them about the smallest things, so why would they help people they disagree with on everything else?) can replace, as you say, the entire system.

The thing is, if you're reduced to informally scraping along with your local neighbors and have absolutely no other recourse or formal system of governance and/or distribution, you're living in a failed state, and nobody who has ACTUALLY been through that experience thinks, as the Online Leftists do, that it would be a great idea. This is another thing about their total failure to learn from history, or listen to anyone who isn't American, despite the tankies' insistence that America causes all evil in the world forever. My friends who grew up in the former USSR sure don't think their system was great, even if it was called "socialism" or "communism" or whatever terms the left wants to use with no appreciation of their difficulties. And so on.

Basically, it reminds me of when the Brexit loons were insisting that it made no difference to food supply if Britain left the EU, because, and I quote, "Britain is a nation of farmers, we can grow food in our back gardens!" As if the entire point of human civilization has been to bring us back to personal subsistence farming, which has generally been acknowledged throughout history to totally suck and also be the least reliable way of providing for yourself, and also... the idea that personally growing food in your nice back garden in Kent can replace the entire structure and system of the EU single market and customs union is completely absurd. To say the fucking least, and to anyone whose brain isn't poisoned with Brexit Brexit Brexit! And yes, hey presto, Britain is now experiencing food difficulties and frantically blaming it on anything except Brexit. Meanwhile, Sunak finally negotiated a new Northern Ireland protocol with the EU, but it's anyone's guess if it'll pass the Commons, since the Tory backbenchers just reflexively nuke anything that suggests any cooperation with the EU or any acceptance of EU law. Because they want to pretend the EU never existed! (Even though it was Margaret Thatcher's idea/initiative, shh.) Yeah. That'll work.

So yeah. If you live in your own world where facts don't exist, or exist only to support your preferred ideology, and your insistence that destroying the system with nothing to replace it is the best idea... it is, uh, dumb. Which is the nicest way I can possibly put it. It's never worked out before, it won't work out now, and honestly, "I'm tired of being told to vote after I didn't vote and then things went wrong!" is an argument I have NO sympathy for whatsoever. I know things are bad. You know things are bad. If there's a simple, easy way to start fixing it -- and systems CAN be fixed, even if it takes time and is not the instant dopamine gratification of moral posturing on social media -- where you have to participate once every two years, and you don't do it, then yeah. I don't think that person is serious about fixing anything, and I have no obligation or desire to listen to them at all.

[librarycards]

what sorts of things do you think can help people deal with their mental illness besides therapy/meds? i’m not saying i disagree with anti-psychiatry, and i have had bad experiences with psychiatrists/therapists for multiple reasons, but what kinds of things actually help? i’m on wait lists for free therapy and multiple of them have long way lists and hotlines don’t help me, i feel at a loss. and i kind of feel like being being this mentally ill would be a burden upon any friend/partner i could potentially have. i honestly don’t know what to do bc i haven’t improved in years

first, a clarification: i'm not anti-med, i am only anti-forced treatment. i think you'll find many, though not all, anti-psych (and adjacent) ppl with this view, which is often shoehorned in with broad anti-med shit both because of the dubious history of some antipsych figures and because of strawmanning by pro psych forces. but i digress.

there is no simple solution for crisis/ongoing suffering, especially because the actual biggest help to all of us would be the abolition of white supremacy / ableism / carceral neoliberal capitalism / settler colonialism / cisheteropatriarchy. absent this, we're left trying to fill in the gaps, collectively, as best we can, while always acknowledging that we are putting interpersonal band-aids on systemic harms.

with all that being said, i think the best place to start would be to take stock of what and who you have as resources: are there any friends you feel comfortable sitting beside or watching a movie with, even if you don't feel ready or comfortable sharing "deeper" stuff with them? do you have internet people, or a place where you can shout into the void (like tumblr)? is there a public space you can go to, like a park, where you can at least get out of the house for a little while and be alone among others?

i personally take medication, though i'm tapering one of the last ones i'm on, and chose to discontinue the myriad pills i was prescribed as an involuntary psych inpatient. this isn't because meds are inherently evil, but only because i didn't like who i was when i was on them, nor could i tolerate the conditions under which they were forced on me. absent these meds, i have found other ways to move through my own brainstuff: occasionally weed (e.g. right now), more often forcing myself to sit next to other people who i know will make sure i don't do anything shitty to myself (even if we're not in active conversation). i have a bunch of youtube videos, books, audiobooks, podcasts, etc. on deck.

i have throughout the last few years cultivated an online and in-person community in which i'm not "burdening" / "dumping" my shit onto one or even a couple individuals all the time. you're right that the full extent of what we experience is definitely too much for one other interlocutor to take - we're designed to live in community, not in isolated couples. it's also true that, while occasionally and contingently helpful, a professional counselor or therapist can be inaccessible, abusive/violent, etc. etc.

while you're waiting to experiment with the free therapy you mentioned, it might be a good idea to reach out to people you do trust to have a frank, meta-conversation about your respective relational needs. this can feel weird at first, but i autistically love it, and it's also common in a lot of kink/bdsm communities (of which there's plenty of ND overlap haha). rules can be freeing. you don't have to worry about violating unspoken boundaries when you've spoken them, and established nonjudgemental ways of enforcing them and holding each other accountable when you haven't. in the past, i've established these both verbally and in google docs, etc. i've also established it - and found it especially helpful - in situations where myself and the other person(s) experience different axes of privilege and marginalization. but regardless, it's a great way of self-designing the boundaries that in many cases we expect therapy to do for us - except, without the carceral impulse endemic to the psych practice.

i also think it's okay to acknowledge that you might be a burden sometimes, and that the people who love you will carry you. they know you'll do the same for them. part of being in relation to others is sometimes receiving more than we give - it's part of being alive, being vulnerable. let yourself be cared for, let yourself be heavy. think about how good it feels to fall into bed at the end of the day. rest is the first step to feeling a little better.

[uncloseted]

Why do people hate media being 'woke'? I don't get the hate a show can get for telling strong female character stories or POC characters, or when games have genderless or queer characters you play as. It's like these people have never stepped a foot outside to see how diverse our world really is. Is it about keeping marginalized groups marginalized? I can't fathom how you could see a POC on a show and have people angry and calling it woke media. Are these people miserable in life?

There are a bunch of different reasons why this happens, some understandable and some less so.

For some people, I think it comes from a "they changed it and now it sucks" mentality. This is common in franchises that already exist- some people will always oppose any changes to the property, sometimes even if those changes are unimportant. I think there's kind of an inverse relationship between how invested a fan was in previous iterations of the franchise and how much they'll think the new thing sucks. For example, with Doctor Who, you get this pretty much every time the show gets a new actor playing the Doctor, even if they're both fairly interchangeable white men. Basically, "woke" = something about the franchise changed = "now it sucks".

Then there are times where the show changes and it does actually suck. Sometimes, a franchise decides to be "more diverse", but then seems to forget that it also has to write good stories in order to be successful. Going back to Doctor Who, I think a lot of people feel this way about the Thirteenth Doctor. It seemed like they decided her personality was "is a woman" and didn't really develop her further than that, and the writing for her episodes are often just bad. I think the all-female Ghostbusters remake may have also run into this problem (although I didn't see it so take this with a grain of salt). It wasn't as good as the original, and so people were mad about the drop in quality. This can also happen when a "diverse" character gets shoehorned into a property that otherwise is pretty homogeneous- the character's only trait is whatever makes them diverse, and it's annoying to watch. People who hate "woke media" for this reason basically think that "woke" = drop in quality = "now it sucks".

Then you have the group of people who hate wokeness because they feel like adding diversity is pandering to a small, vocal group of people. People who hate "woke" media for this reason basically believe that diversity is being included for monkeymaking or optics purposes and, as a result, impeding the artistic vision of the piece of media. Typically, these people will believe some version of "the woke mob is forcing diversity on us." There's a fear here that media is being used to "indoctrinate" people as opposed to "genuinely" wanting to include diversity (but no inclusion of diversity will ever be considered sincere enough by this group). I think for these people, there's also a feeling of, "I've been a dedicated fan since the beginning, why are you throwing out your lifelong fans to try and pander to a totally different demographic?" To them, I think it feels almost like a betrayal of all the time and energy they invested into the franchise/hobby.

Kind of relatedly, I think a lot of people feel like "this used to be a thing that was for people like me, and now it's not." By adding diversity, some people feel that their homogenized community is being threatened. These people are usually (but I'm sure not always) white men who identify as "gamers" or "nerds". They view being a "gamer" or a "nerd" as a core part of their identity, and I think for a lot of them, it connotes a very specific type of life experience - I think it's something like being bullied at school for being different and growing into a socially awkward adult who has difficulty making friends who aren't part of that same community. I think these people are essentially afraid that "wokeness" will change the makeup of the "gamer" or "nerd" community, forcing them to change how they act in the one social space where they feel comfortable and causing them to be ostracized. Basically, "woke" = "I'm going to lose my community" = "I'm going to be alone" = "wokeness sucks". And alongside this, I think there's also a feeling of, "I can't relate to these characters anymore". The characters that used to be in their video games or movies or TV shows were simultaneously relatable and aspirational to them. Now, they have a hard time putting themselves in the shoes of the protagonist and they don't see them as something to aspire to, so it isn't appealing to them anymore and they feel like they've lost something.

Finally, I think some of these people are just really uncomfortable with the fact that the world is changing. I think they know exactly how diverse our world actually is, and for them, that's the problem When a person is accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression. I think a lot of the cishet white men who are mad about "wokeness" feel like they're losing their status in society or that they were promised a future that never materialized. The changing demographics of people who play video games or watch TV or movies are a symbol to them of the way that times are changing, and I think they feel like if they can hold on to the position of privilege they have in the media sphere, they can hold on to privilege more generally. I don't think they would say that it's about keeping marginalized people marginalized- they would say that it's about maintaining "tradition" - but it amounts to the same thing. And yeah, I think these people are a little bit miserable in life. I think we're in a crisis of masculinity right now and a lot of cishet white men don't know what to do except to be loud and angry at the wrong people.

I'm sure there are other reasons, and I think for a lot of people that hate "wokeness" it's some combination of the above factors, but these are the ones that come to mind for me.

[soncasong]

It's Pride and I'm a gay guy who watches a lot of movies, so here's a bunch of gay movies with happy endings not named Love, Simon, because we have moved past the need for Brokeback Mountain.

Trick (1999): A cute little romcom about a one night stand going horribly, horribly right. It's a shame this movie isn't more popular because it's so charming and has so much fanfic potential.

Shelter (2007): I mean, this is a classic. Surfers, found family, pining, what not to like?

The Thing About Harry (2020): Ridiculously cheesy, ridiculously cute. It's essentially a modern Trick with an enemies to friends to lovers slant. Good for some mindless fun.

Goodbye Mother (2019): As a gay Vietnamese man I will never not shut up about how well this movie portrays that intersection. A story about a gay expat visiting his hometown with his boyfriend, the nuance, the drama, the tensions are all so very real to how gay men in Vietnam have to navigate around the question of family.

We are Gamily (2017): In the same vein as Goodbye Mother but with a more comedic slant. A gay couple has to pretend to be straight when a parent comes to visit, it's funny and heartwrenching at all the right moments, and heartwarming to boot.

Just Friends (2018): Dutch Shelter. Explores the tension between gay men and their mothers, particularly between a refugee family.

God's Own Country (2017): Happy Brokeback Mountain, an aimless Scottish farmer with an ailing father finds his purpose with help from a migrant worker. It's poignant, beautifully shot, and quietly understated. A must watch.

Maurice (1984): Edwardian gays. Ahead of its time and an affirmation that it's okay to move on from your first love, as well as the ultimate smashing of class divides.

The Way He Looks (2014): A blind boy falls in love with a new classmate, it's both a coming of age and a study on disability. It's so sweet and the ending is the ultimate catharsis.

Handsome Devil (2016): An Irish schoolboy befriends the new transfer athlete and discovers they have more in common than he thought. A really excellent portrayal of friendship and solidarity.

TW: These next movies all have references or show self harm, but they all ultimately end happy. No more images from here out because I've reached the limit.

Hidden Kisses (2016): Two teenagers experience their coming out process while romantically involved. I love that it shows both characters and demonstrates how the experience is different for everyone.

Latter Days (2003): Gay Mormon meets party boy and the rest is history. It's a little cheesy but the guys are hot and the love story is ultimately so uplifting you can't help but smile.

Fire Song (2015): An Anishnabe teenager struggles with the decision to leave his reservation and attend college. Probably the darkest movie on the list, but it also tells such an important story about aboriginal communities and the struggles of people who have been extremely marginalized.

Save Me (2007): A struggling drug addict checks into an ex-gay ministry. The most nuanced portrayal of these ministries I have seen yet and also a wonderful story of self discovery of not just the main character, but the cast that surrounds him as well.

Honorable mentions to Giant Little Ones Getting Go: The Go Doc Project, and Boy Erased because while in my opinion, they have excellent and happy endings, the main charcters do not get (substantially) hitched at the end and some people don't like that.

In no way is this a comprehensive list, and I'm always looking to expand my repetoire with more lesbian and trans stories (send me reccs!). This is just a reminder that there's space for stories with gay characters to end happy and that Brokeback Mountain is the exception, not the norm.

[fandom-oracle]

Wait wdym? Do you think fic is bad?

i'm getting canceled tonight i guess.

if you actually did a good a faith interpretation of my post you know it's not really ABOUT fanfiction at all, i actually write fanfiction myself. i'm not sharing here because it's overwhelmingly bad fic that i write exclusively as wish-fulfilment or for self-projection, but at least i'm self-aware about it. i am ALSO one of the people who reads ze Books™️, although most of the academic material i consume are nonfiction, so this whole thing is particularly annoying to me. the crux of the matter is that, if you're a little younger you might've missed it, but this website was a hotbed of scalding takes like 'dante's divine comedy is literally fanfiction', 'something something is literally fanfiction' when the thing in question barely counts as a transformative work and, in fact, it weakens the definition of transformative work in itself to try to apply it to literally anything that exhibits an ounce of intertextuality. plenty of takes that are... true, but require some nuance, focused on the idea of transformative fandom as a place defined by its presence of overwhelmingly female and disproportionately queer (occasionally, though disputedly, nonwhite) content creators and the ways in which transformative fan content could be interpreted as a space of defiance to cisheteropatriarchy in the way it permeates traditional media. a third, less common but still relevant take was the focus on how certain fandoms such as trek and doctor who have a long history of involvement in real-world civil rights issues and progressive politics. so this kind of take has been the dominant view on tumblr and transformative fandom for a good decade now, perhaps longer, and the people with this kind of takes can sometimes be a little... obnoxious. and the majority of people on transformative fandom (regardless of wether or not the fandom is disproportionately composed of nonwhite individuals or not, by sheer virtue of american demographics and this site`s heaily skewed userbase, the majority will still be white) are white, and like any other space dominated by white people, fandom has often been a vehicle for white supremacy. "Stitch Media Mix" talks about this in-depth. the discourse on fandom racism and ways in which transformative fandom as a whole contribute to racialized stereotypes, hierarchies, and deeper problems within online culture has led to a lot of people with grievances with fandom, many of whom are women of color, to develop an entire online identity built around the concept of being "critical of fandom", which is a very weird thing to do with fandom is literally billions of people, not a unified demographic, and that being critical of something can mean a WIDE amount of things; which in turn has led to a lot of people insulating themselves completely from any criticism of fandom as being inherently in bad faith, which a weird thing to do when literally ANY sphere of society should be open to criticism. people taking critiques of media they consume and taking critiques of their own critiques as personal attacks are abound here and make everything worse. so a fairly recent (mid2018ish, definitely post the insanity of reylo discourse but before sarah z blew up in popularity) trend has been that people in these communities isolate more and more and the general discourse has effetively resulted in people with differing takes in fanfiction specifically but fandom as a Whole (which is, again very weird to say because fandom is not 'a Whole' because there's no unifying element to different fandoms) only interacting with each other in hostile ways. and increasingly, in my personal sphere, a lot of people are positioning themselves in the "fandom critical" (AGAIN, WEIRD THING TO SAY, WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN, PLEASE USE WORDS WITH PRECISION) sphere, and I tend to take that "side" myself, but i specifically do not think framing this as a team A or team B thing is useful. this culture war was in the buildup.

last week a post by a user i follow recently became popular. the post itself was a critique that i.. do not necessarily agree with. it was ultimately about the idea of easily-consumable popular media being seen as an acceptable form of exclusive media engagement by people in the "pro-fandom" sphere, and how the insidiousness of this line of thinking has to do with how capitalist media production is designed to spread, and how fandom AS A TREND, not specifically any individuals or any fanworks, can empower capitalism. the post specifically did NOT use the kindest possible words, but that was what they were trying to say. howelljenkins also has really good takes on the subject, albeit from a different angle.

anyway because this is a circular culture war, the result was as follows: 1) a bunch of pro-fandom types refuse to actually make a charitable reading of the post and insist the user in question hates fandom and thinks people under capitalism shouldn't have things that are Fun, and should Only Read Theory and keep sending anon hate to several blogs in the opposing sphere, therefore proving the point that fandom sometimes prevent people from being able to engage critically with things; 2) a bunch of anti-fandom types who defined their entire identity on hating fandom being like "haha look at these cringe people" instead of trying to understand why a demographic overwhelmingly composed of marginalized people would feel strongly to posts that use inflammatory language against an interest of theirs, thereby proving the point that most criticism of fandom is divorced from actual fan content and is vaguely defined. the reason this is a culture war that actually deserves attention (unlike most fandom culture wars, which are just really granular ship wars made into social justice issues for clout) is that, for the most part, both of these groups are mostly people with college degrees, many of whom will contirbute to academia in the coming years. fan studies is a relevant field. these discussions have repercussions in wider media criticism trends, and this is why i can't really stand it or just passively ignoring it the way i do with most other inconsequential discourse. like it's genuinely upsetting seeing almost every single tumblr user, most of whom should know better, patting themselves in the back for their inability to read things in a way that doesn't feed into preexisting cultural hostilities in fan spaces.

[daisyachain]

There’s a nuanced discussion to be had about the way asexual/aromantic behaviour is read as a combination of ‘queer,’ ‘deviant,’ and ‘acceptable’ by the cisheteronormative paradigm without calling aspecs straight lite or denying that it exists in a dimension separate from the gay-straight spectrum. ‘Same-sex’ and ‘opposite-sex’ will be used in some cases because the cisheteronormative paradigm we’re talking about (We Live In A Society) by definition doesn’t include trans people because it’s bad.

Descriptor 1 ‘queer’: people without known opposite-sex love interests are read as specifically gay in both history and fiction. Characters in fiction are queer-coded by showing a disinterest in the opposite sex as much as by showing interest in the same sex, especially in contexts where queerness is so marginalized as to be unspeakable in the mainstream (e.g. USA 1930-1990). Men without known female liaisons were usually suspected to be gay in 19th-20thC Anglo-American cultures (probably all Euro-related ones but I can’t speak to that literature and history). Women weren’t considered to be lesbian as much, but only because that cultural milieu couldn’t compute wlw until the 20th century. As soon as it could, the lesbian stereotype becomes ‘man-hater’ more than ‘woman-lover.’

Part of this is just sexism, but the parallels with the Confirmed Bachelor of earlier decades indicate that queerness manifests in two ways: failing to follow the cisheterosexual norm (birth -> childhood -> single youth -> heterosexual relationship) and following a path that diverges from it. Asexuality/aromanticism exists in a grey area here, it presses a ‘pause’ before the heterosexual evolution is complete. It can be interpreted within the heterosexual paradigm as heterosexual…BUT too immature/too busy/too distracted to think about/get involved in/want heterosexual relationships. However, the assumption is always that asexuality/aromanticism is failed or stunted heterosexuality, not a complete form of being. The workaholic, the trauma victim, the weirdo, the individual who is so ugly or undesirable that they can’t be viewed as human, and so they can’t be viewed as heterosexual. Asexuality/aromanticism neither confirms nor denies heterosexuality, and it also neither confirms nor denies being bi/gay. It’s unknown, unclassifiable, suspicious, odd, in a word, queer.

Descriptor 2 ‘deviant’: I don’t mean this in the ‘things a christian call you’ way but in the strict sense of ‘something that deviates from the norm.’ Parts of 21st century queer activism have focused on the similarity between heterosexual experiences and bi/gay experiences to build bridges. Attraction, romance, romantic sexual life partnership, the whole thing is the same except for the gender (relationships are no longer strictly opposite-gender). This is a way to build understanding, it got a bunch of cisgendered straights on side, etc. What it also does is obscure the ways queerness is different from cisheterosexuality. Where partnerships aren’t guaranteed to be reproductively viable, it’s difficult to build families solely based on biological descent. And in a community born outside of societal norms, then other societal norms are all up in the air. One thing that this rhetoric also excludes is asexuality/aromanticism. When gay/bi-straight alliance is based off of the common experience of monogamous romantic/sexual attraction and partnership (‘love’), then the leftovers outside of that common experience have negotiable humanity. Queerness of all sorts is marginalized/punished/reviled ofc, but as has been noted before, the most mainstream support of queerness is based off of ‘universal’ experiences that are decidedly not universal. In the old paradigm of heterosexuality and the small-but-mainstream paradigm of love-is-love, asexuality/aromanticism is a deviation from the acceptable narrative.

Descriptor 3 ‘acceptable’: in the same way that asexuality/aromanticism doesn’t fit into any of the mainstream conceptions of human life priorities, a lot of people don’t understand it. 19th century bourgeois accepted Boston Marriages because they didn’t understand how women could possibly desire lives that weren’t with men, they read the relationships as asexual/aromantic (not unacceptable) and also as subordinate to heterosexual marriage (not approved). Asexuality/aromanticism is seen as acceptable ONLY if the alternative is being gay/bi. Look on any dudebro discussion of gay-coded male characters, and they’ll immediately jump to describe them as asexual. If the character/ has any relationship with women, though, and the argument will be that they like tits, they can’t possibly be gay/bi. If you look at discussions of characters/people who could possibly be asexual/aromantic, they fall all over themselves to either insist they’re banging hot chicks (bc female characters aren’t allowed to even get as far as ace-coding, they must constantly be available) or to insult them (sometimes as a way to relate, projecting their own incelness on to some innocent cardboard cutout). Another place where you see mentions of asexuality (not aromanticism) in the mainstream is discussion of sterile/genetically abnormal people/characters. Clones, artificial humans, robots, aliens are fair game because sexuality is inherently tied to humanity. This, anything inhuman must be asexual. Rather than being good (heterosexual) or bad (gay/bi), asexuality/aromanticism is alien. Real people can’t possibly understand asexuality/aromanticism, which means it a) can’t be judged, b) must be a failure to achieve humanity, c) must be native to inhumans.

[the-resurrection-3d]

so what was ever good about acotar anyway?

For some reason, I’ve been very tempted to reread ACOTAR lately, and so I’m going to just make a quick list of what I remember specifically endearing the book to me back when I first read it in 2016 so we can compare notes later. This will, however, also include some retroactive criticisms now that we’re four years on from ACOWAR ruining everything forever. 

Twigger warnings for discussions of abuse, csa and neglect, as well as me using my complimentary R Slur Pass.

For some context: 

>Be 18yr me in 2016. 

>Be in your first semester at college. 

>Be so fed up with YA romance that you avoid books just for hinting at them in the summary. 

>Be also brainstorming a series with your roommate called The Cuckmaster Saga. 

This is probably going to sound embarrassing, but I’m being completely sincere when I say that part of why this book excited me was simply the novelty of finding a YA romance book that I liked. 

I’d fallen out hard with YA in general by this point in my life, partially because of a string of fairy tale “retellings” that clearly gave zero fucks about the source material beyond using the iconography in its marketing. Folklore had been my special interest for a while, and my excitement for the series and all its little extra niche references coincided with finally getting to study folklore in a true academic setting.

Which leads me to point one:

I love the idea of combining BatB and the Tam Lin ballad. I know some people have complained about this, but honestly, I enjoyed finding a retelling that mimicked the mix-and-match structuring of a lot of folktales. ACOTAR isn’t even the messiest or least coherent mash-up by a huge margin. Unfortunately, this aspect of the series severely lessened as it went along — remember when we all thought ACOWAR was going to be a Snow White retelling and then there was just one scene with poisoned apples? Lmao.

[If anyone wants an author who does YA mash-ups that are actually YA, I’d recommend Rosamund Hodge, whose books are always interesting in their sheer weirdness even when the story itself slightly falters. I mean, I wrote a whole 20-page thesis on her Red Riding Hood/Maiden Without Hands retelling and still didn’t cover everything I had thoughts on. (Tragically, however, I must inform you all that she is a Catholic Reylo. Rest in pepperoni.)]

It is fucking hilarious in retrospect that SJM clearly knows a bunch of different folktales and folkloric creatures but thinks it’s believable for shadowsinger powers to have no theorized origin “even [in] the rich lore of the warrior-people” (ACOFAS 65). Bro fuck outta here. 

But this leads into point two — Feyre and her family. It’s very obvious that SJM based Nesta and Elain’s dynamic with Feyre off the common folktale trope of having the youngest sibling be the only competent person in the room (and Katniss Everdeen). I thought it was honestly a lot of fun to see this trope done with some interiority; you can practically hear Feyre seethe about what useless hoes her sisters are between every line. I genuinely giggled through these parts on my initial readthrough. 

I’ve seen some people complain that Nesta and Elain’s behaviors aren’t realistic in this situation, but au contraire! Nesta and Elain’s actions in book one are (...almost) perfectly realistic. Without revealing too much, my grandmother grew up in poverty with a few older sisters, and yet my great-grandmother would make her do all the work and constantly force her to give up her possessions (like her car) to the older sisters whenever they wanted them. Even to this day, when they’re all in their 70s and 80s, one of these sisters still relies on my grandma to do basic shit like balancing her checkbooks. I’ve also observed similar dynamics play out plenty of times between an adult child and an overindulgent parent, with people literally ruining their lives and bodies all for the sake of sitting at home all day buying furry porn off the internet. 

Nesta and Elain are basically the psychology of this type of person split in two — Elain the soft, delicate, perpetually victimized front they put on for the world, and Nesta the ice-cold, bitter, and aggressive bitch they truly are. 

Honestly, the only thing I would change about this set-up is either keep Ma Archeron alive or give Papa Archeron more personality than a plank of damp wood. What’s truly missing here is a parental figure enforcing this fucked up dynamic — I don’t remember it being clear that Feyre’s always had this role, just that she took it on after her mom’s death. Making it clear that Feyre’s always been forced to be this way — alongside giving the mom more characterization — would have gone a long way towards making this dynamic feel more realized and less like the narrative using trauma and pity as a shortcut towards reader engagement. 

Then again, that would require SJM to have a female villain in this series who isn’t a rapist, and quotes I’ve seen floating around from ACOSF make it pretty clear SJM doesn’t know same-gender sexual abuse even exists. 

Anyway. 

Point Three (or rather 2B): Feyre realizing she doesn’t have to hang around her family just because she feels obligated to love them was a fucking banger. I loved it so much; having a story, especially a YA story, that showed you aren’t obligated to love a family that treats you like shit was so special to me. Especially since I was also leaving my family for the first time, and going home to visit them every other weekend felt like being hit point-blank with a Psyduck blast. 

Thankfully, my relationship with my family has gotten a lot better, but I’m still really disappointed that Nesta and Elain were forced back into the story, rather than them reaching out to Feyre and making amends because they wanted to do better.  The closest we got to this was the revelation that Nesta almost made it to the Border by herself after Feyre was taken, which was definitely badass, but also unfortunately the only Nesta scene I’ve liked in this entire fucking series. If SJM was going to force Feyre to regress into being Nesta and Elain’s tardwrangler again, then she should have followed up on Amren’s line in ACOWAR that Feyre treats Nesta and Elain the way Tamlin treated her. 

“I asked them to help once—and look what happened. I won’t risk them again.”

Amren snorted. “You sound exactly like Tamlin.”

[. . .] and I said, “She’s right.”  (169-170). 

But I’m sure everyone who’s read ACOSF knows how well that’s going. 

Point Four: the femindhjdfhfdh I can’t even write that with a straight face. I mean let’s be real, I too enjoy seeing female characters I like become queens and all that other stuff, but it was clear to me even on my initial reading of ACOMAF that it was all shallow and designed to help delineate good guys from bad guys without much in the way of nuance. It certainly took me out of the experience a little, but at least it ties into the books’ themes of recovering from abuse and shacking up with a Certified Women Respecter. 

My actual point four: Truthfully I only bought this series for the meme of having the first shitty love interest getting cucked in the second book. ACOWAR gave me some complicated feelings on Tamlin, and I honestly think he should have just stopped appearing in the series after that — BUT, having him be dragged back in once per book just to call him a cuck and cockslap him around a little bit is fucking hilarious. Pointless! But hilarious.

I also think that this kind of arc is a great critique of the standard “happily ever after,” acknowledging that in real life, you’re much more likely to just pass from one abusive household to another because you don’t know what healthy love, communication, and boundaries are. (Arguably many folktales are the fantasies of women who are well aware of this reality but want to imagine a world that’s otherwise). I definitely have a lot of problems with SJM’s claims of “sex positivity,” but acknowledging that Feylin used sex as a means of avoiding communication was another great touch.

I wish that this whole King of Hybern shit was completely cut just to focus on these themes more; it’s very clear SJM only included it because fantasy series = BIG EPIC WORLD-ENDING STAKES!! I've read maybe ten pages of Throne of Glass, so I can't speak for how she handles epic fantasy there, but I know for me and a lot of other stans, the Hybern plot had licherally nothing to do with what we liked and connected to in these books. 

But I must soften here, because I totally empathize with feeling like big stakes are “necessary” for a fantasy story and that no one would want to read your books without them. YA fantasy is the reason why TV Tropes coined the term “romantic plot tumor,” after all. (Source: I’m making shit up.) 

What else… what else… uhhhhh. I think that might be it, at least for substantial things I don’t have to qualify too much. I of course have plenty of little things I used to like but have now been tainted because ACOWAR ruined everything forever and ACOFAS danced on the graves (such as how I liked Lucien but everyone in the books shits on him now to the point it’s stopped being funny). But this post is too long anyway.

[nighttimepixels]

Just wanted to let you know that... I'm trying to learn the little sign language, at least a little bit with your comic. It's always been a language I wanted to learn, both ASL and my native language, in fact. Say, why snd how did you learn this language ? If it's okay for you to respond, of course, I don't want to urge you or step in a line I didn't know was there

Oh, that’s awesome-!! I’m so honored you liked it ;v;

To answer your question - I’m not fluent in ASL, not at all! But I’ve picked up bits and pieces over the years for a lot of reasons. Some of it was media I enjoyed, more came from having a few friends that were struggling with selective mutism and wanting to be there for them even with a few signs, and more yet was just… personal interest!

I’ve learned everything I know of ASL online, but I of course rec joining a class or even just community group if you have access!

There are several wonderful sign dictionaries out there - with videos, picture sequences, and GIFs of the signs in action - and that’s a great place to start just picking up a few that are most important. Also… videos on Youtube, allllll the way. The great thing about ASL too is that even if your sign vocabulary is still small, if you learn your sign alphabet, then you can make tough spots work by spelling out words - and asking for the official sign by spelling the word out!

The thing to remember about ASL too is that… it isn’t just a ‘modifier’ to English.

There’s a lot of ease and benefits to the obvious crossover, but… there’s culture, there’s tics, heck, there’s different grammar rules! A lot of ‘extra fluff’ is left out of ASL because it’s absurd to leave it in, it’s not needed, and it’s just not part of the language for good reason, and more importantly, without detriment.

For example- in Part Two of the comic, I show Brick signing along to the dialogue as in-fic, “seems like I…. made an impression.” Now, in spoken English, we can envision the tone used, and so on, really easily, right? And the signs translated to that sentence. However… the actual signs used strictly translate to:

seem

I

impression.

A big reason why I chose those, in that order, is because part of Brick’s story is that he isn’t yet fluent in ASL - he’s still learning, and is actively searching for words & their corresponding signs! I get the feeling he’s ‘thinking’ in spoken English, and is translating in sign as best he can. (but idk, @popatochisssp is obviously the best one to ask on that front, I’m just interpreting and checked a few details with her as I was working on it X) )

I considered adding the sign for “big” in there before impression, but for space & dialogue translation reasons I ended up leaving it out - even though, tonally, that might well be what someone signing would choose to get across the same impression - or just emphasize ‘big’ using their body language!

That’s one of the things I love most about ASL- that it is just as expressive as a vocal language, despite what it seems like a lot of people think. Maybe it’s bc I’m an artist & animator, but the use of the body beyond just the ‘hand motions’ is just as important… and relays a lot about personality, just like someone’s voice and basic, more simplified body language might.

(On top of this, consider ASL’s different grammatical structure - you can read more here, it’s really cool - but basically, commonly you’ll see Subject-Verb-Object or Subject-Verb order; and if time is involved, then you might see something like “WEEK-PAST I WASH MY CAR” or, depending on the user’s vernacular, they’ll favor the subject-first style, and sign “MY CAR WEEK-PAST I WASH”. Point is, there’s variation just as in spoken language, and reasons behind those choices!)

.. okay I’ve rambled too long XD

Basically, I myself started learning bc I was interested for several reasons, both personal and bc I’m a nerd who happened across ASL content online (a couple bloggers, a few stories). I recommend just keeping it in your personal orbit as much as possible if you’re interested in learning! Read comics with sign, check out shows/movies with characters who sign, and definitely check out bloggers/youtubers who sign (and I always rec people who are HoH/deaf and/or mute most of all!)

TL;DR, if you get nothing else outta this post but are curious about Sign Language here’s some video-based Signing Content to get you interested/follow!

Things Not to Say to a Deaf Person (feat lots of BSL - British Sign Language - actually! But it applies across the board and is cool to see signing folk bust some bs)

I Can’t Hear Myself Speak! [CC] by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, who is a lovely disability advocate & queer lady who is also Deaf/HoH! She talks about how she can’t hear herself speak in this video, and the varied ways deafness/being HoH can be manifested, and a bunch of other related things. (Link includes the playlist she has for her videos on Deafness - she signs in BSL, so don’t worry if you know only bits of ASL and don’t cotton on to her signing!)

ASL time - Top 10 Basic ASL Phrases for Beginners by Nyle DiMarco! You might’ve seen him around - he’s that super nice deaf model who went viral in the past few years on a few videos! He’s got a short series about basic ASL (and him being cheeky) that’s actually a big fave of mine bc he phrases it like a conversation, not just disjointed phrases.

How I Learned Sign Language From My Deaf Boyfriend by Sign Duo! Honestly, their whole channel is great. Tons of vlogs, they both sign the whole time of course - and they’re just really relatable, they feel like conversations - plus they’re both just really likeable. I strongly recommend any content that actually features two+ people fluently signing, but these two are great and informative. Also, I recommend their video My Deaf Boyfriend: Why He Doesn’t Use His Voiceif you want to know more about that cultural choice/inclination. Remember to turn on closed captioning if you aren’t fluent in ASL! :)

How Do Deaf People Experience Music? an interview featuring Shaheem Sanchez, a stellar deaf dancer and actor. Like I said earlier, I really really recommend learning about Deaf/Signing culture alongside the signs themselves. The context is incredible, and honestly, broadening your understanding of any marginalized group by learning their stories as told by them is a good thing in my opinion.

Dos and Don'ts of Interacting with the Deaf Community [CC]by The Essential Sign. Again, turn on CC if you’re not fluent in sign - her videos are great! This one’s a great cultural one for those new to signing/who want to learn about deaf culture. She busts some common misunderstandings and shows some course corrected alternatives that are actually positive, and encourages you how to move forward without stumbling over insensitive landmines! Similarly I super recommend her video What is Concentration Fatigue? (with RIKKI POYNTER) [CC]which talks about something you don’t see mentioned as often, I think - precisely what’s on the tin.

… aaand I’ll leave it there for now, I think those are good starting points and a variety of styles! Deaf/ASL-fluent vloggers are a great resource and way to, even if you’re isolated/don’t have a practice community, get regular exposure to sign as well as actual first-hand (heh) accounts from people who sign in their everyday life!

[tropicaldruid]

The Survivor’s Guide To Leaving Your Birth  Religion Part 2: Deal with The Devil.

So if you’ve done the reading assignment I gave in the first installment, you’ve read a good bit of repetitive stuff at this point, and hopefully taken away a few key things, namely that Heaven and Hell as modern western concepts are, well, modern. If you are coming out of a messianic religion, odds are good that Hell showed up at exactly the same time the messiah arrived to save us from it. I mean, convenient, right?

That’s right, we were stoning the gays for millenia without there even being a Hell for them to go to! Back in those days the afterlife in most faiths was reserved for kings or great warriors, the common folk didn’t even have a place to go. Except maybe in someone’s afterworldly entourage. But I digress.

If you haven’t already arrived at the same conclusions about the devil, let’s take a moment now to pick that concept apart. 

 I almost didn’t give The Devil a section because it kinda goes hand in hand with Hell, but there’s so much extra abuse attached to this concept. While Hell is used to threaten you into submission, The Devil is there to invalidate any sort of agency you may feel you have. 

You have ideas that disagree with accepted Dogma? That’s The Devil deceiving you. You have found a different god to worship? Goodness, he looks just like The Devil.

These are just two of several common tools of religious abuse still being used. Just recently I heard an acquaintance state matter-of-factly that a mutual friend was a Devil Worshipper. I happen to know this is not the case as I have held rituals with said friend and that simply wasn’t on the agenda. But my acquaintance knows this, and this accusation stemmed less from fact than from literal brainwashing. 

“That god is not My God and therefore it is The Devil.” is such a toxic attitude to take, it’s a way of completely invalidating another person’s religion and with it their sense of community and morality, without actually applying any critical thought to the situation. It’s a way of marginalizing and othering someone in lieu of discussing their beliefs in earnest. But this history of abuse has left a paper trail that we can follow backwards as we unwind this otherworldly boogeyman. Here, I’m going to refer you to Episode 4 of DruidCast. Professor Ronald Hutton gives a really great talk entitled “The History of the Pagan Horned God” that ties into this topic heavily.  Also episode 28 features “The Horned God: an Unofficial Biography” performed by Damh the Bard that I recommend listening to. Also in that episode is an interview with Roland Rotherham that will tie into part 3 of this guide. Professor Hutton mentions the Devil’s appearance changing as the dominant religion spread into areas with different gods, and it’s right there in the record. One thing that is universal among humankind is religious artwork, and depictions of The Devil abound in the historical record, a google image search can produce thousands of examples to sort through, and you can literally see the differences evolve along the way.

And much like Hell, The Devil is a concept looking desperately for a sense of belonging within modern theologies that don’t really have a place for it. Who is this Guy? Satan? Lucifer? Hades? Is Hell Hades? Where did this sudden Hellenic flare come from? Was he a snake, or an ibis? Is he the ruler ofThe Dead Place, or The Bad Place, or just one of it’s most famous inhabitants?  Throw all of these into a cauldron with a bunch of scriptural contradictions and a dash of Zoroastrianism and ta-dah! A Devil, or is it The Devil? Even that isn’t settled. 

As we have discovered by reading the mythologies of those who developed near the roots of our own spiritual lineage, these people were all copying off of each others’ notes, constantly. Tribal victories were seen as both signs of Divine favor and Divine supremacy. Basically “I won this because My God loves me and is stronger than your idol” Military might became conflated with Righteousness, just look at the horrific acts that people boastfully give themselves credit for in their own mythologies, in the aftermath of battles. Murder of men, enslavement and rape of women and children, and it’s all good, because our God led us to victory. 

Over time, weaker gods became False Gods became Devils. Meanwhile the dominant culture absorbed new cultures and with them, enough of their religion to sway those who had difficulty assimilating. Check out how many Saints used to be local pagan deities or mythological kings or warlords. Hey, The Devil can only be so many things apparently, so some of the competition had to be handled differently. After hundreds of generations of religions cheating off of each other’s notes, they don’t know what they believe. But this boogeyman that is The Devil and his Bad Place are really effective at deflecting a certain level of scrutiny, and incentivizing compliance, so we’ll keep em. All manner of plagues upon humanity are said to be his doing, from the heliocentric view of the  solar system, to modern medicine. Women’s suffrage, integration, same sex marriage, left-handedness. Rock and Roll music, the existence of dinosaurs, Literacy among the laity. Pokemon.

Great deceptions upon mankind by the Great Deceiver to unravel the moral fabric of society and bring about the End of Days, the lot of ‘em.

At least they were once upon a time.   

So yeah, there’s a huge disconnect from anything resembling critical thought when Devil Worship or any similar concept are brought into the conversation. Another thing to watch for is how quickly the accusation gets flipped around when those in authority are found doing wrong. Suddenly the Great Deceiver tempting you with hellfire, becomes the Scapegoat who’s really to blame for any transgression. If you still have friends or family who adhere strictly to your BR, you may face accusations and rhetoric like what’s been discussed. If that’s the case, I’m sorry. It’s little comfort right now but the people saying these things to you are afraid. Afraid to look at their own beliefs for fear of drawing the same conclusions. Afraid of looking at your new ones for fear of finding something valid. Fear of the discomfort those possibilities bring, and so the lash out with the only defensive tool they feel they have. You don’t need to argue your point in these cases, and in fact I’d suggest that trying to do so would be a futile act. If that person were interested in having an honest discussion, they wouldn’t have started from that position. And frankly it’s not something you need to defend to anyone, or need anyone to agree with you or your motives. You don’t actually need anyone’s permission to leave an abusive situation. Having lived in abusive situations, I know how important discretion can be, living in the closet for any reason feels suffocating and unbearable. But for however much discretion you must show outwardly, nobody can police your thoughts, nobody objectively has the ability or the right to judge you as Good or Evil. Period. 

Your homework for this installment is to check out the Druidcast episodes mentioned earlier, and research The Devil, Satan, Lucifer and any other relevant figures on Wikipedia, read the source articles and learn about how these concepts have evolved and been employed through history. 

[abuse-wiki]

Abuse in online activist spaces

It’s super common to see posts floating around on tumblr decrying some blogger, formerly a well-loved self-proclaimed activist, as a liar and/or abuser.

Someone has come forward and detailed some kind of manipulation or violence done to them by this person, and a tidal wave of similar experiences from different people follow. Someone finds out the person was lying about some aspect of their identity, and people pour out of the woodwork with personal stories of abuse and harassment.

What follows is months of posts about how shocking this is, and how sad this is, and how this person totally knew but this person didn’t. Their blog is riddled with red flags, or it’s scary how well they hid it. And then this happens again, with someone totally unconnected, in pretty much exactly the same way.

Online activist spaces, especially on tumblr and (much more recently) discord, make this kind of thing horrifyingly easy.

1. Complicated and Subjective Rules

This is a classic manipulation tactic. If one charismatic leader person is creating all the rules, and we all agree that accepting these rules defines your morality and therefore worth safety as a person, it’s really, really easy for that person to use those rules to their benefit.

Abusers in these spaces create complicated sets of rules, act as if they’re obvious, and refuse to engage in a respectful way with anyone who doesn’t immediately change their mind to accommodate what they believe.

2. No Criticism

Charismatic leaders abusers in online activist spaces tend to react consistently poorly to criticism. Any kind of criticism, good faith or bad faith or even just perceived, is met with righteous anger and/or self-victimizing. They make the rules, and how dare you question their moral purity? Doing so makes you the bad person, the bigot, the abuser.

There are convenient rules for this, too; marginalized people don’t have to be patient, and they don’t have to listen. Marginalized people don’t owe you an explanation. This is generally fair in response to bad-faith criticism, but decent folks will usually at least stop for a moment to question themselves, and try to meet good-faith criticism with some measure of patience.

3. Harsh Consequences

When a rule is broken, online activist spaces already have built-in acceptable consequences. Some depend on the space, but generally speaking:

Callouts: public defamation, widely circulated to encourage ostracizing at the very least, and bullying/harassment at the very worst.

Ostracizing: simply evicting people from a space. This can be as severe as bullying into deleting a blog (or worse), to just banning them from a discord server. These people are essentially blacklisted by their former communities.

“Warning”: whenever someone is seen to be interacting with a blogger or server, you throw a DM or an ask the blogger or server staff’s way to “warn” them that this person is somehow bigoted or “dangerous”. Because the interaction feels like confiding, they don’t bother to fact-check. At the very least, this person is questioned and made to feel unsafe.

Doxxing: finding personal information and spreading it around so huge groups of people can “warn” this person’s real-life employers of their misconduct, with the goal of depriving them of their job.

Usually these people don’t accept apologies, compromises, or any remaining disagreements. You must fully bend to whatever they’ve established as the rules, or these consequences are still fair game.

4. Controlling the Narrative

Once someone has been identified as a “threat” by the charismatic leader abusive person, they can use the mechanics of their space to manipulate the narrative.

Small tumblr blogs with small followings don’t have a lot of people to speak up on their behalf. It’s easy to simply post on your blog about what happened, and pick and choose which asks, reblogs, and other commentary you allow.

When you have a big following, it’s likely you’ll find a bunch of people announcing their support for you, which you can cherry-pick and compile into a big huge post. “uwu,” they say, “thanks so much for the support. maybe I should be easier on myself.” As if they know what guilt feels like.

You can gather together the most unreasonable-sounding criticisms, hate mail, and straight up bigoted responses. “Wow, disgusting” they say, “this is who they ally themselves with?”

If it’s a discord server, this is even easier. Just ban them, and then nitpick and distort what they’ve said until it seems obvious to everyone how horrible they were. They’re gone, so they can’t defend themselves, and no one feels bad for saying truly horrific things about them. Bonus points if this person throws in a “well I wouldn’t go THAT far, that’s kind of mean...” to make themselves seem even better.

---

There are other red flags and abuse tactics employed in these spaces, but this is what I’ve noticed tend to be the most common overarching patterns. It’s not exclusive to any ideology- I’ve personally seen and experienced this from what I believed to be a really solid, nuanced blogger from an anti-exclusionist social circle.

Just, y’know, keep your head on a swivel.

[fatebreaking-a]

🔥 🔥

I feel like I’m really grasping here so- (I already covered so much! 3 asks before this and a 3k writeup about this on Friday!)

Let’s just do one about grasping for negativity, in fact.

I think some people feed off the attention they get from negative energy and finding things to be mad/self-righteous about. It makes them feel good to be right, to point out stuff that’s ‘wrong’, and they get into this mindset of trying to search for problems - sometimes where they aren’t any. And sometimes where these problems are trivial.

I think this boils down to my belief that it’s very uncommon to see people point out the good things in their lives, because they’re constant and easy to take for granted. Stopping to smell the roses really can be nice. Conversely, when we’re upset about something, we get that energy out of our system by talking about it.

So what’s the problem?

We externalize our pain and internalize our happiness.

That’s the problem. We pull all the light we get into ourselves and don’t speak about it, almost as if there’s some fear that if we show anyone, it’ll disappear. Genuine warmth, appreciation, and support for others could be a lot more common than it is. This is a big reason why I try my best to talk in the tags of an RP post, for instance - it gives me an opportunity to compliment someone in a very relevant and personal way.

I don’t like being negative and I know that I am a negative person. Until I get stuff out of my system, I’m often holding onto it and staying frustrated. But boy howdy do I know people who seek this kind of negative energy.

They almost seem to thrive on talking about how bad things are. ‘Sona is in a terrible state’, ‘ohohoho another Sona nerf’, whatever. It’s as if they have nothing meaningful to contribute other than being upset, because you sure don’t see those people talking about how much they appreciate Sona or whatever. Just, “it’s been ruined for me and I’m upset about it”. It’s the same thing every 2 weeks on patch day, the patch comes out and…

“Rak.an’s hand is drawn wrong in the SG splash.” “Wow a Sej buff LOLOLOL”. etc etc. Fucking trivial and petty. And if you’re in a few of those discords, it’s so constant that I just don’t open them on patch day because no thanks to that. Especially since at least one person is doing it in each server. I get it. Things are different. That sucks. I get it and I sympathize, but it’s impossible to have a conversation when it gets railroaded like this. 

My mom does this, as a real world example. My dad likes to trade stocks and he’s into it and he does pretty decent. It’s something that’s enjoyable for him and engaging. But any time he brings up any of a few stocks that have grown dramatically, my mom starts making noises and complaining and going “we can’t talk about it! why didn’t you buy these stocks earlier” which completely shuts down any conversation.

She’s talking about something that happened maybe even a decade ago. I love my mom but this passive aggressive attitude is not a trait that is limited to her. It’s something I see in many members of this community and in the world. I’ll use Jan.na as an example. If I talk about Jan.na and you immediately begin to complain about her lore change every time we talk, then I can’t ever talk to you about Ja.nna, right? It’s impossible. And it makes talking about something that should be enjoyable much harder.

Except that it’s also done in public spaces like larger servers. Not really cool. It dries up creativity, any positive attitude, and a bunch of other things.

======= Two! =====

Riot is a company.

Riot needs money to grow and make things that are less profitable.

Riot has an operating margin and a certain amount of money they need to make, or else they’ll take a loss.

The development of Legends of Runeterra, the contract that they give to companies like SixMoreVodka or the one that did the 2020 cinematic, these things cost money.

We live in a society.

So yes, we’re going to get a lot more content about ‘favorite champions’. There are 140+ champions in the roster. Riot will not always give you exactly what you want, I say, staring at my no sona lore for 5 years. And Sona is a popular champion. Doesn’t matter.

Basically, I can do without the negative attitude. Yes, call Riot Games out for its sexist policies. Call it out for unfair practices. Call it out for doing things that are unethical.

But don’t call it out for trying to make money… It’s a company. It needs money to do things. There are plenty of games that rely on so-called whales to stay popular, so many mobile games have a microtransaction model among other things. 

Riot is a company that actually just gives you free things. Free skins, free content, free stuff you can just get by playing. And yes there’s some luck around it, but isn’t this model fundamentally better than “you have to pay for everything” (aka the season 1 model?). I’ve seen people complain about the free rewards they got for the ten year anniversary.

“Why do I need to play games to get a free legendary skin!?” You’re kidding me. So, so, so much negativity over every little aspect of this company, forgetting that the teams are different, not everything can be handled all at once, and they’re just people what the fuck.

Like honest to god, I will complain about lore inconsistencies and some of the practices of the narrative team, but they’re literally just people. And this overall culture we have with social media of blasting everyone for everything? It’s not good. It’s really, really not good.

I would never want to be an artist or a narrative writer for League or any popular game, because of the overwhelming amount of negativity.

I mean really, someone complained that the Rak.an/Xa.yah SG splash had one hand drawn kind of badly, completely ignoring the absolutely fucking amazing video from a technical standpoint and narrative standpoint. But nah, just consume media and criticize it.

I come from a background where, if you don’t like what you see, you go make it yourself. But so many of these people don’t have the courage to even try. And it’s not like you need to be a game dev to criticize a game, I understand that, but if you’re bitter about something, do something about it.

Don’t just sit there and be bitter. Get better.

Rant over.

[morshtalon]

Dragon Quest II

Well, it's been a while since I wrote a review on something. I've played a number of games in the meantime, but none of them really gave me anything I felt was worth talking about or that hasn't been talked about before, so I just keep them in the backburner of my mind for possible future reference.

However, I feel like current circumstances make for a good time to dig up one of the games I wanted to share my thoughts on for a long time, and that I had beaten before even writing the first review I've ever "published". That game is Dragon Quest II.

Part of the reason why I held off on it for so long is that I don't think my review of the first game is all that great, and another part is that, again, I don't feel like I've bunched up enough good stuff to say, even though I really wanted to talk about it ever since I played it.

But hey, by far and wide my post popular post is technically related to Dragon Quest II, so why not cut to the chase and do it, right?

Anyway, to say that the first game took off in popularity is an understatement, it being the seminal harbinger of an entire genre of gaming that would soon take the world by storm. You would think that means this would be the time-old tale of "runaway success game making company executives pressure developers into slaving away at a sequel with suffocating deadlines". However, planning for DQII apparently began before DQI was released. 1986 was a different time, I guess. A time when the industry was fledgling enough that it wasn't that much more than a group of dudes banding together to bring an idea to life, and then - not a moment of hesitation after that idea comes to fruition - immediately start brainstorming ways in which they can build on it to give birth to new, more complex explorations of the concepts they had just tackled.

I believe this is why it's good to go back and play these games in their original versions, in chronological release order. Nowadays, it's virtually impossible to innovate. Back then, almost every big-time franchise was always finding ways to breathe fresh air into the structure of their games. Though Dragon Quest isn't the most innovative when compared to the likes of Final Fantasy, they were still making great strides into the codification of the type of game they had pioneered. With that knowledge in mind, one can really appreciate the evolution by going back and exploring these things as they grew with the times. And hey, Final Fantasy still wasn't around by the time DQII came out, so once again, they had to rely on ideas from western RPGs they liked.

In my opinion, II is the first jRPG that actually feels good to play, if you can put yourself into the mindset of an 80's gamer. The designers felt the 1v1 battles of the first title were boring - a sentiment which I share - and put in different groups of enemies as well as extra party members for you to find. One thing that some of these old RPGs that only let you target a group of enemies does is drawing only one enemy sprite on-screen to represent the entire group. Surprisingly, this game does not do that, even though it predates all the ones that do. It draws every enemy on-screen, which doesn't seem like much nowadays, but it's very appreciated nonetheless. Sure, it came at the cost of battle backgrounds (all fights in this game are set against pure blackness), but they did the right thing. The party itself follows what would become a typical archetype of 3-person groups: One character who is a jack-of-all-stats, balanced between physical prowess and magic, one who is focused on physical combat (in this game, this character actually has no magic capabilities whatsoever), and one who is a pure mage. Perhaps surprisingly, because these structures hadn't become tropes yet, the main character is the physical one, and he's also pretty much the most reliable party member by a reasonable margin, even though all he can do is attack normally. Balance issues aside (we'll talk about that later), I honestly sort of dig this arrangement. It's a little bit of a breath of fresh air to see the main character in an RPG rely completely on his weapons, and in the future, in any DQ title that has a reasonable degree of character customization, I always try to make the protagonist a physical powerhouse, to match the one from this game. It hardly ever works, but hey, it just goes for show that I enjoyed it while playing. Given that the other party members join you as you progress through the game at specific points, that also means the complexity of magic spells is added to your arsenal slowly, getting you used to it without feeling overwhelming. Sure, the game is simple enough that it wouldn't be overwhelming regardless of how they had set up the pacing, but I never felt like any of the times I struggled were because of insufficient knowledge of the game mechanics. So, the battles are fun enough, and they feel just right in terms of complexity vs. focus. The strategies to win are simple - really, the whole game is very simple - but it does its job well, and it allowed the developers to have near-perfect control of the game's difficulty curve. As a result, it is also - almost up to the end of the game - pretty nice, even if the whole thing is on the challenging end of things. At the end, it gets... A little special. We'll get to that later.

Let's take a step back and look at the gameplay outside battles. First of all, the story is... sparse, to say the least. Not as much as the one in the first game, and supplemented in the international version by a frankly kick-ass introduction that gives the experience a certain tone and atmosphere I appreciate a lot, but still, it's 1987. jRPGs were... not so much about the story back then, if you can believe that. In fact, they were more like an extension of a point-and-click adventure game. DQII is, essentially, a big fetch quest. In a different story, one that has enough plot points that you can sense a type of underlying narrative progression, I would not enjoy having the game interrupted by a blatant collectathon. However, the fetch quest aspect is basically the soul of this entire game. The extremely loose story paves the way for an experience that boils down to pure exploration and combat, with light elements of puzzle-solving woven in, using the fetch quest premise simply as a background to leave the developers with fertile soil to plant their little tricks and enigmas without worrying too much about how it would all connect rationally. And here, we witness an aspect of old games that could only spring about as a byproduct of limited graphics, ill-defined representations of the setting's reality, and a healthy disregard for common sense, things that were the style at the time. The puzzles, and sometimes just the exploration, violate logic quite heavily. Traversing through a monster-infested castle to get to a point that is technically outside the castle, but you can't just walk around it because most of the outside grass tiles are exit tiles that warp you back to the world map? Sure, why not? Having dedicated "teleport-room" maps that only serve the explicit purpose of housing a teleporter to another part of the world, except for one which also houses a chest with an essential item if you walk along the right border of the map, but not the identical-looking left one? Mario 2 hid a goal post inside a secret too, so yeah! Throw that in! Stairs down in a brick islet surrounded by water which brings you to a room that's... Also at water level? We hardly have enough tiles to go around, let alone a set to represent underwater or underground rooms, so whatever! Nobody cares! And, honestly, I truly don't care, either. If a game is up to, let's say, willfully forgo a bit of logic in order to formulate a creative puzzle to play around with your expectations, then all the more power to it. I honestly feel like puzzles nowadays are too sectioned-off, contained within a single room in a single dungeon, ready for the player to walk in, solve it, move on to the next point in the flowchart and never think about it twice. When puzzles are woven in so closely with the world, requiring the player to think outside the box at all times, as they're out there exploring, it makes the whole game feel like it's working together to make a point, and helps reduce that feeling one gets when playing RPGs where there are very separate elements of gameplay that... Don't really connect to each other very well. Sure, you're blatantly aware you're playing a videogame at all times, and it's not super great for immersion, but this was a time when there just... wasn't enough memory for immersion. It was a constraint that naturally gave way to challenges that capitalized on its own limitations, and therefore, created a type of immersion of its own, where the player is completely sucked into their own thoughts, holding a notebook with a rough sketch of the world map in their hand (yeah, I might have done that), taking notes and thinking where in the world could that last crest possibly be?! I think DQII hit that sweet spot of looseness vs. clarity in the narrative that helped these wild, nonsensical elements flourish. I really don't know how other people react to this sort of thing, but I don't care. I had a good time with it, and soon after this game, everything RPG started to become more focused on story. That's definitely not a bad thing, but I felt a kind of clear, developer-to-player kind of communication from these small bits of wrongness that made me more aware of the time, effort and creativity put into it by the people who were making it. I realized that, were I in the shoes of the dude who was making all this crazy stuff, I'd be stoked to see my friends trying to solve them. I'm not trying to be sentimental, that's how I honestly felt while playing that part with the teleporter and the chest. In any case, I appreciated it.

Then you get to the road to Rhone.

Though, apparently, the game was not pressured into deadlines by higher-ups, I did read something about one of the guys in the team offhandedly setting a deadline that turned out to be just that little bit too tight, requiring it to be delayed from November 1986 to January 1987. This, along with the fact that, at the time, the second title in a franchise had the habit of being designed for people who were hardcore fans of the first game in that series, might go a little ways into explaining why everything starting from the road to Rhone is absolutely fucking brutal. Every element of the game that, previously, was a tad questionable, leaving that little itch of worry in the back of your head, returns here with the express intent to make your life miserable. I have a high tolerance for difficulty, one that is even higher for RPGs where, for the most part, there are always ways to slightly circumvent it and make your life easier. The simplicity of design in DQII means that this is not the case here, and from this point on you're expected to not only have the skill and familiarity you've accrued while playing, but also a very healthy amount of luck to go with you, otherwise you will die. And rest assured, you WILL die. In fact, due to the specific way in which the player's mortality rate skyrockets in Rhone, it's almost not even a matter of the game being "hard" in the traditional sense, because it doesn't exactly require you to be strong enough or smart enough anymore, it just requires you to be patient enough to slowly trudge through the mountain of corpses of your former attempts until you figure out how to minimize your risks to the lowest degree they possibly can be minimized, then hitting that sweet spot of luck and control that finally allows you to reach the end of the game. This particular way of handling things means that, after you hit about level 30 with the main character, further leveling will only render you negligibly less likely to die, and the effects are not strong enough from level to level to even be clearly noticed. But what exactly makes it so hard? The answer is primarily RNG. When you reach the end, you will begin to notice just how much RNG there is through the whole game. Starting off, the turn order is entirely random. There is an agility stat, but I never found any evidence of it actually factoring into who goes first in battle (instead, it's a carryover from DQI that calculates your base defense). If there are more than three enemies, you're at a disadvantage, but even if there aren't, a stray run of bad luck - which is guaranteed to happen given the density of random encounters - means you're gonna have to scramble with enemy attacks, and they are perfectly capable of leaving you in such a state that it would take a miracle to put yourself back in shape, if they don't just wipe you out instantly. Now, remember, two of your three characters have magic. However, at this point in the game, enemies have a large amount of magic resistance to all kinds of different spells, and magic resistance in this game means that there is a chance the spell simply won't work. If it does, it deals full damage. If it doesn't, it deals none at all. I don't know about you, but I almost never take my chances with low-accuracy, gimmicky stuff in other games. This one renders all spells like that given enough time. If you decide to rely on physical strength, the main character is the only one who will bring you any significant results. The pure mage at this point in the game is far more efficient at support casting than direct damage, and the balanced character is - memetically, at this point - incompetent at both, and also sucks as a physical fighter, so once again, you're boned on that front. All of a sudden, running away becomes an alluring strategy. However, once again, there is an ever-prevalent random factor to it, so the pressure is on in all fronts. The game becomes a challenge of carefully planning out how to simply survive each encounter. Do you take the chance and run? If you fail, you'll be wailed on by the full force of the enemy party, and will likely be too weak to attempt mounting a resistance. Do you take the bait and unleash the full force of your attacks? What if they all target different enemies in the group? You won't deal enough damage to kill one of them, so you'll suffer heavy retaliation and waste precious MP that could be spent on healing spells. Did you win or escape successfully? You've only lost about 20% of your health, but some encounters can relieve you of the remaining 80% before you can even act, so do you spend MP healing or do you trudge on because you already don't have that many to go around? If you make the wrong decision at any of these break points - and rest assured, there won't be a shortage of them - you'll either die or get so close to death it will be almost irrelevant to keep going. And then, it's back to the last save point. Rinse and repeat many times until you clear the road and get to Rhone proper, for one final save point and one last, grueling stretch of game before the final boss. Here, the game introduces enemies that have, no joke, a move that kills your entire party and has 100% accuracy. Typing it out, it sounds like hyperbole, like i'm salty that I died so much and am exaggerating the things the game does in order to trick myself into believing that it was super impossible times infinity, but no, it's true. To be fair, there isn't a high chance the enemy will perform this move, but when they do, there's absolutely nothing you can do to save yourself. Just reset the game when the screen turns red. Other than that, the rest of the lovely cast of enemies rounding up the final waves are more than capable of just killing you the regular way, so keep your wits about you like you did back in the cave and grind yourself up until the stat bonuses start getting negligible, because now, you need to face five bosses in a row. Right, okay, technically you can go back and heal yourself right before the last one, but I didn't know that, so if you're an idiot like me, try to get ahold of a Wizard Ring, as well. It's the only way to heal MP, and can be used multiple times until - you guessed it - it randomly decides to break. After that, you just have to contend with two bosses that use a move that heals all their HP when it gets low, so you also have to roughly keep track of their state in your mind so you can unleash a full round of attack before they can get in that heal. Unless your spell doesn't hit them, of course. Or they happen to go first. Or you just barely miss the threshold of HP that will actually kill them. Oh, and be careful! One of the other bosses also knows the instant death move. He won't use it often, but 30 or so attempts in, you're likely to see it once or twice.

Then, the final boss can randomly spawn with a number of hit points between 75% and 100% of his assigned value (every enemy does that), and you're gonna deal an average of about 15% damage per turn to it. Sounds easy at first, but he will take you out in either one or two moves, and...

...Here's the motherload...

...He has a 1 in 16 chance of casting the full heal move at any point in the battle. And he WILL do that the first 2 or 3 times you get to him, sucking you dry of resources and smashing your face all the way back to the save point to try the 5 bosses again, so it's back to grinding attempts until you have another mostly hopeless shot at him.

But when you get him, man...

When you do it...

*sigh*

Anyway, this was a long, rambling, focus-shifting tangent just to correctly capture the degree of luck and randomness that constitutes the final stretch of Dragon Quest II. How does it impact the rest of the game? Well, I still appreciate it for what it did right, and there's a small, strange part of me that actually thinks the insane difficulty perfectly fits the stakes that the game set up, but it is, nevertheless, very hard. And once again, it's the kind of hard that is virtually impossible to circumvent. For any average, non-god-tier player, there is no alternate way of tackling the simple-looking, but highly controlled challenges in this game that trivializes it. You can't change your party, you can't buy extra spells, you can't really use stat-up items to change stat configurations in any significant way. You just have to keep trying and hope it works, and for the first few dozen times, it won't, so you'll just have to deal with it.

Still, it shows, even up to the end, that the DQ team has a certain grasp of consistency in design that will slowly grow and adapt as the series embraces new complexities through the years. DQII stands as somewhat of a black sheep in the series (as the second titles of old franchises often do), but I think it has its place, and it's surely a wild ride. Also, if you can get yourself into the mindset of late 80's design, I can assure you it won't ever be boring. Maddening, sure, but not boring. It's more fun in the midgame, in my opinion, as for someone who is very used to RPGs, it can be exceesingly simplistic at the start and too hopelessly uncontrollable at the end, but I feel it deserves a score of 7 out of 10. It's pure gameplay, and, for what it's worth, you WILL get an intense experience. Just be ready to shake, a lot. And pad your walls.

[weasleyhollows]

Fred Weasley x Reader

*swearing, mention of sex

Part 1

I hurried down the corridors of Hogwarts, I was late for the Potions class with Professor Snape.  Relieved, I realized that he was not yet in classroom, warning glances shot from my classmates to me, just lose no points for the Shlyterin house.

"Where have you been," my alleged friend hissed. I groaned and waved off, it was incredibly lonely as a shlyterin, everyone seemed to hate you and in the house there was only suspicion and who you were.  Something I never understood, it seemed to be extremely important to the house here and to my parents as well which bloodline you where from.  From a young age I was told to hate the Mudbloods and the Blood traitors.

Eyes bored into my back and as I turned around, Draco Malfoy's gray eyes stared coldly at me, the loneliness was such a thing, it makes stupid mistakes.  One of them was snogging around with Malfoy, it does give you a certain level of Power with the Slytherin, but you were still alone in the end.  Malfoy was at the instigation of Snape in our class, supposedly as a high performance class because he was so special.  Actually, it was under my dignity to snog with a 2 years younger, but as I said the Power and the loneliness bend everything.

Classes began and like always, the Weasley twins set nonsense jokes, Fred and George looked exactly the same, the same fiery red long hair, chocolate brown eyes and freckles graced their faces. My head throbbed painfully as I tried to focus on the complicated potions and beem the annoying twins out, Snape did not even respond to the stupid jokes, just as I wrote terms on my parchment a green fireball hit the lamp and jumped off, exactly on my notes and burned them. With a furious cry I jumped up, one of them shook with laughter and the other ducked with his wand in his hand and bit his lip, before I could think about it, I pulled my wand and yelled, "Expelliarmus!", I disarmed the crouching twin.

His wand whirled through the air and landed in the collar of a dark-skinned Gryffindor. "WANDS DOWN!" Snapped Snape. I lost all color from my face "20 points deduction for Slytherin and Gryffindor Miss (L / N), Mr Weasley 1 week detention, contact me after the lesson," he hissed. I sank back in my chair, my face pale, I screwed up. The lesson ended and I shuffled down the corridor to the Teachers room, unfortunately Draco caught me by the wrist. "What the hell did you do? To get fucked up like that from a Weasley, you cost us 20 points! ", His words cut through  the air and his grip squeezed my wrist which would be blue tomorrow, my eyes narrowed "what do you think I was doing?" I hissed back.

Something sparkled in Draco's angry eyes, he grabbed my jaw as fast as lightning and pulled me close to his face "beware how you talk to me", his voice was now sugar sweet and I knew that he was about to explode, he turned my head painfully to the side, took a deep breath on my temple and kissed my cheek. My heart was racing with fear and I quickly had to suppress the rising tears as he let go of me and walked away. No question Draco Malfoy was a dangerous young man.

The twin (which turned out to be Fred Weasley) and I were ordered to clean the trophies in the trophy room by hand and without magic. As Snape said he found out 100 percent when we use magic, in the room were the 1,000 trophies!

To our chagrin, the trophies seemed to have gotten an extra layer of dust, almost magically. After my 15 polished cup I tiredly blew one of my hair strands, which slipped out of my braid, from my face and turned to Fred, who sat relaxed on the wooden floor and eat Bertie Botts beans without even one cup cleaned.

"Are you serious?" I snapped. "Oh, I beg you, tomorrow you're just as dirty as today, cuz they're cursed. not noticed yet?", He gave me a crooked grin, my cheeks burned "of course I know that!", I did'nt know that.

Grumpily, I watched Fred flipping beans into his mouth "starring is rude," he remarked, pounding the wooden floor with his left hand to signal me to sit down, critically eyeing him first and then the trophies .. I could not afford to lose more points but ... with a sigh I went to Fred on the other side of the room and sat down, he offered me some beans, they tasted of cinnamon.

"The fireworks should not hit you", Fred's brown eyes wandered around the room "fireworks?! It wasnt more than a burning spark!", "There is no firework yet", "damn Weasley, I have 20 points lost because of a not so real a firework? ", I tiredly pressed my temples. To my surprise, Fred laughed loud and put a few more beans in his mouth. "I'm Fred..", he winked at me "..and what did you say your name was?" Actually, I'm  forbidden to deal with people like the Weasleys, because they were blood traitors. However, it was so easy to feel comfortable with Fred "I didnt say it" at that moment Professor Flitwick came in and told us that our punishment was over for today. Quickly I jumped up and scuttled to the Slytherin sector so that there was no chance to be seen with Fred Weasley.

In the common room of the Slytherin turned out that no one seem to notice me or even to look at me, the community had decided to be mad at me because of my misstep. I had otherwise perfect notes but this did not seem to interest! Enraged I grabbed Nancy Edwards arm and pulled her aside, she tried angrily to shake off my hand. "What the hell Nancy are you doing?", "Damn (Y / N), what did you do, it was just a bunch of stupid blood traitors, you sacrifice 20 points, you're shameful," she spat. So it will the next weeks run, everyone hates me and marginalized me. Fine. I could live with that. Malfoy suddenly appeared behind me and grabbed my hip, pulling us to the sofa. He nudged me so that I was sitting on his lap, it was unbelievably unpleasant, Malfoy was just annoying, but the comfort it brought with it was not (respect), normally the Shlyterin would punish me with curses or worse, but I was Draco's right now. He wrapped his long arms around me and kissed the back of my neck, a shiver went down my spine, it wasn't from joy, rather disgust. His fingers pressed against my thigh, I could feel his excitement poking my back "you were really naughty, weren't you?", he whisper. I sat there unable to move a muscle, I know just to well what would happen if I reject Draco.

The days went by and the twins grew to my heart, it was only 2 hours after class but I learned a lot about the Weasley family. They were an incredibly warmhearted family, who had very little self-possession but still gave everything for family and friends. I even recognized the slight differences between the twins, the facial features were different, when they laughed about something, George's mouth twisted slightly to the right. On the other hand, I had so much awful pressure from my house, since I was detained with Fred, Draco hardly seemed to leave my side, he wanted to know if I could spot any weaknesses in Harry Potter, etc. The worst thing of all was though other Slytherin students near me, I had to pretend that I did not know or like Fred ... it broke my heart but I was too coward to show the true.

On the Thursday, between the last two hours, Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Nancy, and I met the twins in tow with Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger in the middle of the hallway. "Who do we have there, Potter and his gang of Disables," mocked Draco. The two began to fought, I desperately wanted to vanish, Freds face was almost as red as hair, he was so angry. "Oh shut up, Malfoy," George shouted and came near us, pulled back by Fred on his cloak. "Oh pathetic Potter, can't you fight for yourself? Need to send your ravaged soldiers huh? next time Weaselbee if you attack one of us I have (Y / N)  already shown how to curse you a sweet little.. Avada Kedavra", hissed Draco with a cold smile to Fred and George. I felt as if the ground under my feet would be pulled away, the twins now turned their eyes to me, I could see the pain and anger in their eyes, I could not answer, my tongue was made of lead ... as Draco noticed that I did't say anything, he put his arm around my shoulders and said loudly so that everyone could hear "Come on (Y / N)I could't longer stand the stank of scum!", he buried his face in my Hair, my breath hitched, I caught the expression on Fred's face, the anger and the pain were clear. My heart been ripped apart, I need to make a huge Decision.

I never been so scared about the detention like today. With a pounding heart, I looked at the dusty cups, I heard footsteps and waited tensely, the minutes passed and nothing came to my ears. Slowly I turned around, Fred was standing with his back to me at the other end of the room, vigorously polishing the trophies.

"Cursed, you remember?" I tried to lighten up the mood, Fred remained in his motion. He toked  a deep breath, Fred stroked his hair behind his right ear, you could clearly see the red of his ears. He was angry.

Fred spooned around and walked up to me, his usually happy face twisted with rage, my heart sank. "Am I not embarrassing you anymore?! now that no one is watching ?! "," No, its not like that", my voice broke. He ruffled his red hair and walked a few steps away, the hurt expression was back  on his face "you know I started liking you, but I did't know you were Draco Malfoys dog" my Mind went blank. What the Hell did he say?! What a Wanker, I stormed off and pierced my index finger into his chest "I AM NO ONES DOG!", I shouted "then don't behave like some, kicked mutt" Our faces were now only inches away from each other. Before I knew it, our lips crashed, his lips were surprisingly soft, something fired up between us. I gasped at his lips which he used as an opportunity to slide in his tongue, our tongues fought for dominance. Hands explored each other, it was like a rush! Our ties flung through the room, with impatient fingers the buttons of our blouses were opened, he groan as I bit lustfully his lip.

Just in the moment the Wind blew one of the Windows shut with a loud Bang. Panting hard, we drove apart and stared at each other, what the hell happened. Trembling, I buttoned my blouse  and tried to suppress the blush which rose up my cheeks, with a small plop, the trophies were suddenly flawless, I wanted to run away, stopped at a display case and watched the dazzling metal. "Cursed" I sighed and ran out of the room.

A storm raged inside me, I looked at my reflection in the girls bathroom, my cheeks were flushed and my lips swollen, but this sparkle in my (Y / E) could not to be overlooked. I touched my lips and a big smile spread across them, could it be ...? Could it be that I catched feelings for Fred Weasley ?! Yeah my dumbass went wild for him.

The next few days I spent avoiding Malfoy and the twins, the hardest was the Lessons, especially Prof. Sprout's. The greenhouses were small we had to stand close together, Fred and George were separated by Sprout, which did not stop them from playing tricks but communication was harder. Fred stood opposite me at the table, George was next to me. I had told George everything about my plans to isolate myself from Draco and actually from my house that I do not represent all the values and that I am definitely different. Amazingly, George boxed my shoulder laughing and forgave me.

Sprout just told us something about fertilizing a Venemosa tentacula, she liked this plant and sadly told us the same thing almost every hour, the morning sun shone through the greenhouse, Fred on the other side of the table were bathed in the Sun. I watched as his red hair shone, the sun caressed his features. As his brown eyes tried to figure out what mischief you could do with the plant, a soft smile spread across my face, but my smile cramped as Angelina Johnson bowed and whispered something in Freds ear, they both began to laugh. "Starring is rude", whispered George from behind me in my ear so no one could hear it "to disturb the lessons with laughter is rude," I replied snappily and tried to ignore my cramped heart "of course ... which fertilizer is used now?", I turned around and glared at George, he had put on a challenging grin" oh Georgie if you had paid attention, you would know", I turned quickly again and could still hear his stifled laugh, Fred looked up and tilted his head slightly. His eyes roaming me and something grew hot between my legs.

After the lesson, Fred caught us "Oi Georgie! Lee told me the squid was spotted again, let's go and tap the ink!" George gave a dramatic squeak "Freddie did that mean ..." "squid wrestling!" Both shouted in sync. I snorted loudly "ya kidding!" George stooped down to me (they were almost two heads taller) and wiggle mischievously with his eyebrows "there is only one way to find it out", "you come with us", Fred put his arms around my and his brothers Shoulders, with a slight push we went off to the lake.

Down at the lake, Lee waited impatiently, eyeing me suspiciously (it had been the boy with Fred's wand) but was told by Fred and George that it was "okay" when I was there. I sat down in the grass and rolled up my sweater, it was getting really warm at Hogwarts. Laughing with tears, I watched the 3 fought with the red squid, which was not willing to give them any ink "Ha-ha!", Lee cheered and held up a bottle of ink in the air, unfortunately he let go of the tentacle. It shot away  under him and gave Lee a juicy clap on his chest, Lee was thrown to the floor, the bottle still unbroken in his hand. The twins fared almost as badly, the animal wrapped his tentacles at the hips of them both and threw them into the water. With a hiss, the octopus sank into the depths of the lake, spitting out water and wringing clothes, the twins came back, sighing, the two settled down next to me, "Victory" Lee coughed dully. "And for that all the effort?" I asked in disbelief, summoning a drought spell to pull the water out of Fred and George's clothes. "Thank you," they both said, "this ink is magical, it disappears when it dries, and it re-emerges when you wet the parchment," Lee said.

he boys seemed to be dozing in the spring sun, but I was getting increasingly restless "Fred ... hey Fred, we miss so much teaching," I whispered to him wailing, he made only a groaning loud, I slid on my knees, leaned over him and tickled his nose with my hair, he opened his eyes and leaned on his elbows. We were so close together that I could feel his breath on my skin "relax (Y / N)", Fred whispered and stroked my more and more blushing cheeks . The sparks that seemed to spray between us were like an electric charge, it was like an irresistible urge to touch him, to be close to him. "Rictusempra!", The tickle charm hit me with full force and I went laughing to the ground. "Maybe she'll relax now" George said with a shrug.

The months passed, I had managed to tell Draco that we were no longer "one thing", to my astonishment he did not really care, my ego was slightly hurt. Draco would kill me if he knew the Reason behind our "breakup". Nothing went back or forth between Fred and me, we secretly stole kisses or flirted when no one was listening, but not more.

××× Review

I hurried to Magic history, no one had woken me from my house today, I had fallen out of favor when it was over with Malfoy. The old wooden door was almost reached when a warm hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me with it. Fred ran around the corner with me. "Freddie the lesson," I whispered, without saying anything, he pressed his lips to mine, it was a tender kiss, his lips brushed softly over mine and down to my jaw further down to my neck, where he placed sweet kisses,a shiver went down my spine and made him smile on my neck.

×

It was scorching warm in the greenhouse at the end of September, Prof. Sprout was just talking about the offspring of Dianthus Herbs, it was a Mediterranean plant and needed extra warmth. Fred stood with George in the row behind me and whispered, my classmates leaned forward curiously and it was uncomfortably tight, suddenly someone stroked my butt! I jumped, nearly gave Fred a head-butt with my skull, his chest was pressed against my back "you could not have put on any tighter pants, do you? you're driving me crazy," he hissed in my ear. I blushed brightly and started giggling "oh please, it's hot enough in here you don't have to make it worse," George groaned and pulled us apart, we all had to laugh out loud, we were separated from Sprout with an angry look.

×

After a heated Snogging session we sat for some time in an abandoned classroom and talked about Merlin and the world, but this time it was something else. "(Y / N) please don't let us interpret too much here, I like you very much and our games sweeten my day, I don't want that to change at the moment", that was a big slap in the face for me "haha yeah sure I'm not ready for a relationship, either, "I lied. That evening, I cried myself to sleep.

××× presence

In a few weeks was the Yule ball and so far no one had asked me out, well of course somebody has but not the person I really wanted to go with. It was not strange that I was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, one evening we were just relaxing in front of the fire when Ron addressed the ball topic.

"Who are you all going to the ball with? I wanted to ask Hermione,"

"Pff probably Angelina, she always says yes," Fred said and shrugged. Wtf ?!

I stiffened on the couch, everything around me became dull. "Haha Easy Angelina," joked Ron. I barely heard them, my eyes started to burn and I had to ran quickly out of here before the boys saw my tears, I suddenly straightened up and spurted to the portrait.

Just as I was about to leave, Hermione came to meet us, frightened I tried to avoided her and but just in the moment my tears began to fall, Hermioness eyes widened and she wanted to say something but I took the opportunity and push her aside

[bookofmirth]

can you explain how dictionaries are biased, and not universally correct?

YES I WAS WAITING FOR THIS LOL - I made this super long because it’s so interesting to me, but the tl;dr is that the people who write dictionaries are mere mortals, and they have to decide when a word is a word, and what aspects of the word are most important. They don’t just add any word to the dictionary, but will privilege words used by those in power, which means vocab used by marginalized communities (this is usually a race and class thing) have a harder time being given validity (think of when people LOSE THEIR SHIT over the fact that a slang word gets included, it’s linguistic gatekeeping).

OK SO HERE GOES I was going to put this under the cut but whatever.

Have you ever thought about how there are different kinds of dictionaries? Even if the only ones you are familiar with are Merriam-Webster and Urban Dictionary, think about the difference between those. Here are two entries for the same word, with M-W first:

and here’s Urban Dictionary:

We all know what a cat is, right, but look at the information they include. The people at M-W have decided that the most common meaning of the word is the most important, and have put it first. Meanwhile, over at UD we only get new, slang meanings. MW has also included pronunciation, the part of speech (noun), and some contextualized examples to show the word in use. Interestingly enough, UD has allowed users to like or dislike the entry, making it a fairly democratic process. (I’m in no way saying that we should make a general Wikipedia-style dictionary, but it’s interesting.)

So that’s just the entries themselves, and the lexicographers (dictionary writers) have to decide what information they will include, and what they think is most important. If you go to the Oxford English Dictionary, they will put the oldest meaning first, which means the first definition you see might be centuries out of date. And that’s fine! People who are looking at the OED know what they’re getting into, and if I want the history of a word, that’s the first place I look.

Basically all of this means that these people are deciding what a word means, what information we see first. This is getting a lot better now, but if you have a bunch of lexicographers writing a dictionary who think that only certain meanings or even certain pronunciations of a word are valid, then that’s a lot of missing information from what should be a universal reference. That’s essentially leaving out the ways the word is actually used in favor of thinking about the so-called correct way, which is always about the way people in power speak.

There are a lot of questions that they have to consider when deciding if they should include a word or how they should define it is - do we include what’s proper, or do we include what people actually do? How many people have to use a word before it’s “officially” a word? If people start using “adult” as a verb, do we have to include that as a verb in the dictionary now?

That barely touches on the idea that they get to decide which words belong in the dictionary. Each year, big dictionaries will announce which new words they have decided to include, and each year, people lose their shit at the idea that something like “bae” has now been validated as an English word. People who think there is only one correct way of using a language - people who are generally white and middle-class - hate when slang is added. (BTW - I’m willing to bet that these slang words are only added once white people know about them and start using them, but I digress.)

When I said that they aren’t universally correct, that’s basically because we have to ask, correct according to whom? We all use language in different ways, and so whose perspective is being best represented?

If you want to read more about this, I would recommend The Lexicographer’s Dilemma by Jack Lynch. It’s a surprisingly easy, funny read about the development of dictionaries. I’ve also heard that The Professor and the Madman is a good one, as well as The Meaning of Everything, both by Simon Winchester.