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snark-sass · 5 years ago

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No I'm not dating him, I want to marry you -FIC

Read on aO3 here!

Fluffy fic in which Spock wants to ask Kirk to be his bondmate (even though they’re not dating), goes to McCoy for help, and Jim somehow think’s Spock and mcCoy are dating.

Spirk fic with a happy ending! 6k (I imagined TOS when writing but would fit into either)

Spock stood outside of Captain Kirk’s door.

Spock would say, that were he human, the disequilibrium he was experiencing would be called ‘nerves’. It was fortunate that he was in fact Vulcan, and he understood the reaction his body was autonomously having was the ever logical one of ‘fight or flight’. It was after all, advantageous for one’s body to prepare itself in times of stress, or in this case anticipated stress, in order to best ensure survival.

However, what was less logical was the fact that this response had been triggered by Spock simply standing in front of the Captain’s door, preparing for a conversation. Not a fight, not anything else that this response would aid in, but a conversation.

They were 3.72 years into their 5 year mission when Spock had decided that he would, after much consideration, speak to Jim about becoming bondmates. It was, after all, logical.

Had they been courting? Well, not explicitly in the sense the one of them had asked the other if they would like to advance their relationship to that of a romantic one. But, they had been spending copious amounts of time together, eating meals together, partaking in leisure activities together, and even spending shore leave in each other’s company. Yes, Jim had even convinced Spock to actually use some of his leave. They did all of this not because they were obligated as a command team, but for the pleasure of being with one another. Spock doubted that any verbal declarations would have changed the amount of time spent together.

They had gained intimate knowledge of each other’s lives, goals, preferences, and everything else one would when courting.

More importantly though, they had extraordinarily compatible minds.

Spock had known this since he had melded with Jim in Janice Lester’s body. It was the deepest meld Jim and him had ever participated in. Had the situation not been dire, Spock would have extended it just to keep feeling the rightness and belonging that the meld had woven into its very core.

Was it unfortunate that such a beautiful meeting of minds happened under such circumstances? Yes. Did it change the face that Spock wanted to be one with that mid forever? Not at all.

He held this knowledge in his mind even as his hands began to perspire. It truly was fascinating, if not inconvenient at times, what the body could be capable of even under the misconception of threat.

Spock reminded himself that the chance of threat behind that door, barring any unusual circumstances, was practically non-existent. Well, physical danger at least. There was always the risk to the social, personal and professional aspects of his life. Losing one of his closest friends, having charges filed against him for harassment, those types of things.

No big deal.

Spock was aware that humans completely different standards when it came to relationships, and devoting themselves to one another. What exactly they were however? Unknown. His research on the matter had been conflicting and inconclusive at best. Given his lack of first-hand experience on top of this, he was left with the novel feeling of feeling underprepared.

This unknown factor is what Spock concluded to the cause of his state. Unfortunately, there were not specific research papers on Jim. If so, they would have been far more useful than the perplexing papers he had read, he reflected.

Then it occurred to him; he could seek advice specifically about Jim. Not from research databases, but from interviewing someone who would know.

Spock was hesitant to make his goals known, however. He did not wish it to become common knowledge lest he be subjected to increased amounts of interpersonal conversations, or he dreaded to think, widespread pity if it did not work out.

No, he would keep it to as few people as possible to minimise this risk

Given the parameters, the choice was obvious. He would consult Dr. McCoy on the matter and determine the best method to ask the Captain the be his bondmate. By his currently calculations, they could be bondmates in no more than 14 days due to their high compatibility, even factoring in extra time for Jim’s human needs.

Yes, he thought, noticing his body’s response already calming as he turned away from Jim’s door and towards sickbay, this is the optimal course of action.

Perhaps they may even be able to bond sooner based on the Doctor’s advice.

*---*---*

Dr McCoy looked up from the paperwork he was working on in an otherwise deserted med bay as Spock walked in.

“Spock,” he smiled up at him “What brings you to my medbay at this time of night? Last I heard, even Vulcans need to sleep sometimes.” He looked Spock up and down and frowned “In fact, I’d bet good credits you’ve never voluntarily come down here at this time of night. You’re not dying again are you?” he asked narrowing his eyes slightly.

Spock hesitated for a moment, the same feelings from earlier returning in a weaker form.

“I have come to seek advice on a personal matter, Doctor.” Spock replied.

Now, instead of reassuring the Doctor as it should have, Dr McCoy looked alarmed “You are dying, aren’t you!?” He stood up and started trying to usher Spock to a bed “Is it a Vulcan disease? It can’t Ponn Farr again, you’re not due for another six years! Unless it’s your dammed hybrid biology – one half Vulcan in the galaxy and I get them on my ship!” He said rather rapidly, giving up trying to move Spock and pulling out a scanner, running it up and down Spock’s body then and there.

“Doctor,” Spock interrupted “I am not dying any more than I was at our last check up, where I remind you I was subjected to a high number of unnecessary tests. All of which came back within acceptable levels.” He paused and recentred himself “And I most certainly am not experiencing my time. If I were I assure you, I would be consulting a Vulcan healer about the matter, not relying on your potions.”

McCoy went and sat back in his chair. “Well don’t you know how to make someone feel warm and fuzzy.” He drawled. “Alright, if you’re not here for a medical reason, what are you here for?”

Spock contemplated the best wording of his request.

“I find I am lacking the appropriate courting experience in order to secure a human bondmate.”

McCoy’s expression didn’t change. In fact he didn’t seem to be moving at all.

“As a human who has had some past successes when courting, and are familiar with the process involved you are a clear source from which to seek advice.” He paused before adding “I also find myself with… few individuals I am familiar enough with to seek advice about the matter.” Spock finished.

McCoy blew air out of his mouth. “Well I’ll be, are you saying Mr. Spock that you’ve come to me for advice about emotions? <em>Romantic </em> emotions?” he finished gleefully.

“I believe that is what I just stated” said Spock, doubting his decision more by the second.

“So who’s the lucky lady?” McCoy asked, looking far too excited by the turn in conversation for Spock’s liking.

“I do not believe I stated the person of interest was a woman, Doctor.” Spock replied evenly. “The person in question in fact identifies as male.”

McCoy looked thoughtful at this “A man huh? Must say, when it comes to men I don’t have a lick of experience Spock. You could try asking Jim thought. I know he has a reputation for a ladies man, but he’s fallen for his share of gentlemen.”

Spock willed his face to stay neutral.

“I cannot ask the Captain, as it is him I am here to discuss.”

“Jim? You want to seduce Jim!?” Now McCoy was shocked. It must be exhausting having so many emotions so quickly considered Spock.

“My God man, could you have picked a more impossible target?” Asked McCoy. “you know he’d never risk his command by getting involved with someone on the ship.”

“I am aware of Captain Kirk’s strict adherence the Starfleet regulations in relation to section 3.4. However, relationships are allowed between officers within one rank of each other, meaning that our relationship would not be in any violations.” He stated as though he was insulted McCoy hadn’t thought he’d already considered this, “Originally my plan was to approach Captain Kirk after the conclusion of the mission. However, the mission on Centaris II has made me revaluate this plan. As you humans put it ‘tomorrow is not guaranteed’.”

McCoy deflated at little at this. Centaris II had been a disaster of a mission, ending with Jim getting shot in the chest with bark by sentient trees. The bark pieces had splintered in his chest, requiring hours of extensive surgery. The Captain had come to dying a few times the following days, and even McCoy wasn’t sure if he’d pull through.

“I suppose that’s even truer on this death trap of a tin can.” McCoy said “Fine, I’ll help you on your fool’s quest. God knows anyone who has a chance at happiness should take it. And Jim, well if anything these last few years have shown it’s that his heart is yearning something awful. You sure you’re up to filling it?”

This conversation was going quite differently than Spock had anticipated, but McCoy was Jim’s friend he reminded himself. It would be more unusual if he wasn’t concerned for his wellbeing. He had also agreed to help Spock reminded himself. Going through one, albeit greatly uncomfortable, conversation with McCoy was surely a small price to pay for the benefit he would gain.

“Doctor, I believe that Jim and I would complete each other wholly, incomparably, and for a lifetime. I would not be pursuing him, potentially jeopardising a relationship I value, and a career I have spent years building, otherwise.” He pointed out.

“Why, that was almost romantic.” teased McCoy, “So tell me, what have you got so far?”

“‘Got’?“ asked Spock.

“What have you thought of so far for wooing our Captain?” Asked McCoy.

“My current plan is simple: I will approach the Captain while he is unaccompanied in his Cabin, advise him that our minds are highly compatible, and suggest we bond at his earliest convenience. I will then of course tell him that I am amendable to a human ceremony of his choosing should he wish to have one.” Spock felt that his agreement to a human celebration particularly demonstrated his dedication and forethought that had gone into his plan, and acknowledgment of Jim’s potential needs as a human.

Yes, he would be an excellent spouse to Jim, he was sure.

McCoy responded to his plan by placing his face in his hands.

“I hope you’ve got nothing on anytime soon, we’ve got a lot of work to. Now where did I put that Surian Brandy…”

*---*---*

Spock left well into the Enterprise’s ‘night’, much later than he anticipated. True to McCoy’s word, they indeed had covered a lot. Not only about Jim, but about human courtship norms in general.

Spock was grateful that he had chosen to speak to McCoy, given that according to McCoy his original plan would have ‘given Jim a heart attack’ with shock.

The new plan that Spock and McCoy had agreed on was that Spock would subtly show his interest in a relationship with Jim, ensure this interest was reciprocated, then ask him on a ‘date’.

Then the doctor had given Spock most unpleasant advice: he suggested that they date for a year before proposing bonding. At least a whole standard year.

He hadn’t changed his opinion even though Spock had explained that Vulcans were able to know within days if someone would make a satisfactory bondmate, and that it was not uncommon for less than a week’s notice before a ceremony.

McCoy had laughed so hard about ‘calling humans emotional when Vulcans get married in less than a week!’ that Spock briefly worried about the amount of oxygen he was getting.

McCoy had pointed out that Jim was not Vulcan, so it was not logical to use Vulcan standards.

Still, Spock privately thought that he could at least consider asking Jim in half of that time, but decided the Doctor did not need to know that small fact. He did not wish to be subjected to another lecture; Dr McCoy had a surprisingly unyielding view on the matter.

Spock turned the last corner into the hallway containing his quarters, only to see the object of his desire exiting his room donned in nothing but his red workout pants and a white t-shirt. Spock briefly wondered who had approved those pants as appropriate to be regulation. Clearly they had not anticipated how Captain J. T. Kirk would obscenely fill them when they had, nor the effect on his first officer.

“Spock!” said the Captain, clearly not expecting to see him “Fancy seeing you here at this hour. Aren’t having any trouble sleeping are you?” he smiled empathetically.

“Negative Sir, as Vulcans require less sleep that humans I will have sufficient time to rest before Alpha shift tomorrow.” Spock stated.

Remembering what McCoy had explained about using compliments to express one’s interest, Spock followed with “Your dedication to your on-going fitness is commendable, Captain.”

Jim laughed as though Spock had told a joke.

“Thank you Mr. Spock, but I’m afraid my dedication does not usually extend to working out at one o’clock in the morning.”

“I assume that is why you are going at 1:18am instead.” Spock stated, tilting his head slightly so Jim would know he wasn’t serious.

This resulted in another small laugh from Jim.

“I’m glad you understand.” Jim was looking at him with a small smile, his eyes crinkling as he looked up at him.

Spock noted with some pride that Jim smiled when talking to Spock at a 23% higher frequency on average than he did when speaking with other officers. Another reason their bonding would be logical.

“Say, since we’re both up how about a few rounds on the mats? Maybe this time I’ll manage to get at least one pin.” Jim teased.

“The odds are not absolute 0.” teased Spock back, “Regretfully, I have just finished a rather long meeting with Dr. McCoy and require both mediation and sleep before my next shift in order to preform at peak efficiency.”

Jim’s smile had now been replaced with a frown. “A meeting at this hour? Is everything ok Spock?”

Spock was quick to reassure him “I am of optimal health Captain, the encounter was personal between myself and Dr McCoy.”

Jim did not seem reassured by this. In fact, his face now had a peculiar expression that Spock did not know how to characterise.

“You… and Bones?” he asked slowly, as though trying to solve an equation with only half the data. “I uh, didn’t realise the two of you had gotten that close.”

Spock thought about the time spent speaking with McCoy. It was the longest they had ever spent in each other’s company without any third parties. The Doctor had been uncharacteristically patient towards Spock, and even shared some of his own history that Spock was certain one would not share with anyone but a particularly close friend.

“Tonight was a notable change in our relationship, yes.” Spock said after a few seconds of thought.

“Right.” Said Jim in an odd tone “Good. You and the good Doctor, that’s good.” He blinked at Spock “I’m surprised but happy. Happy for you both!” he said the last bit considerably too loudly given their respective distance and the relative silence of the hall.

Spock was growing more concerned for the Captain by the second.

“Are you alright, Jim? I believe Doctor McCoy is still awake if you require him.”

Jim took a second before he seemed to shake himself out of his strange behaviour.

He gave Spock a smile that this time Spock did know how to characterise; it was one that Jim gave to diplomats he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with. It was the first time Spock had been on the receiving end, and he was finding it disconcerting.

“Great idea, I think I will go check in with Bones.” He stepped to the side to pass Spock “I’ll see you on the bridge tomorrow. Sleep well, Commander.”

“Goodnight, Captain.” Spock replied as Jim walked away.

Spock continued his journey to his quarters, the conversation adding more to his list to mediate on. He hoped after speaking with McCoy, Jim would get adequate rest before alpha shift. It would not do for him to act like this on shift.

*---*---*

Hours later, Spock could only conclude that Jim had not in fact gotten sufficient rest the night before.

It was the most likely explanation he could think of to explain the captain’s peculiar behaviour during Alpha shift.

Jim had varied between staring at Spock for a 21.67% longer duration than normal, yet resolutely not looking at towards Spock at a 35.43% lower frequency than on average. Why Jim was looking at Spock longer but less often, he could not surmise. Further, when Dr McCoy had come to the bridge he had been downright antsy when talking to him. Overall, Jim’s behaviour had been well outside of normal levels of deviation.

After the shift had ended, rather than waiting for Spock and going to lunch together, he had insisted on Spock going ahead while he ‘discussed these readings with Chekov’ even though Ensign Chekov had told him about the readings only 42 minutes earlier. The notably insignificant readings.

So here Spock was, trying to find an empty table to eat lunch alone for the first time in over a year.

Speaking of unusual, McCoy seemed to have arrived earlier to lunch than Spock for once, and was already sitting at an empty table. He waved Spock over, and Spock slid onto the bench across from him.

“Just the Vulcan I wanted to see!” McCoy said in lieu of a proper greeting “You’re going to happy when I tell you what your great pal Leonard did last night!” The Doctor himself did not necessarily look happy, but perhaps he was scowling less than normal when Spock looked closer. That was about equivalent to a smile for him Spock supposed.

“As I have reminded you repeatedly, ‘happiness’ is a human emotion, and I am Vulcan. Perhaps you should consider getting your memory tested, lest it affects your work.” Spock raised an eyebrow a little.

“My memories not the problem there. Anyway,” he said, waving his sandwich alarmingly close to his hair “What I was going to tell you was that after our little chat last night, Jim came and saw me. I was the best wingman you’d ever seen.” He triumphantly took a bite of his wayward sandwich at that declaration.

“‘Wingman’?” enquired Spock.

McCoy shot him a suffering look “I talked you up to Jim.”

This Spock understood, although he tried not to look too interested in what McCoy was saying, feeling a lightness rising in his chest.

“Indeed?” he asked, “Do you consider you were successful?” he leaned forward slightly in order to hear better, as the mess was slightly too loud for optimal hearing.

Obviously that was the reason, it was not because he was eager to hear more. Not at all.

McCoy chose to believe he was eager nevertheless, judging by him looking smugger by the moment.

“Was I successful? By the end Jim was saying that any man would be lucky to have you. Even started bringing his own compliments to the table.” McCoy leaned back in his chair having reached peak smugness levels.

Spock’s heart rate had increased fractionally. Gaining McCoy as an ally was having better results than he had anticipated, Jim would be his bondmate before the year was up, he was sure of it.

“I reckon you’re in.” McCoy went on “Now do me a favour and ask him to dinner so I can get my damn nose out of your love life."

“Based on last evening I was under the impression you were enjoying ‘having your nose’ in my love life?” Spock teased smoothly.

“I’m uh, not interrupting, am I?” asked Jim in a joking voice having finally arrived for lunch. He had yet to sit down at the mostly empty table.

McCoy looked between them “I was just leaving, Jim” McCoy picked up his empty tray “He’s all yours.” McCoy clapped Jim on the shoulder as he left, ignoring Jim’s lips thinning minutely at his parting remark.

Spock noticed McCoy shooting him what humans would refer to as a ‘significant look’ as Jim was sliding into the now vacant seat. When Spock didn’t acknowledge him, he clearly mouthed ‘ask him!’ and obviously pointed at Jim.

Humans were unobservant, Spock reminded himself, it was highly unlikely that anyone had noticed. Even if he was now getting a few curious looks thrown his way. Why had he thought seeking out Dr. McCoy would be valuable, again? Clearly his fight or flight reaction had impacted his thoughts at the time.

“So, are you and the good Doctor…?” Jim said after poking his food a few times, without actually eating it.

When it became clear that Jim was not going to finish his sentence Spock asked “What about the Doctor and I, Captain?”

“It’s just still surprising is all. You, him, together.” Jim was staring hard at his untouched food seemingly finding it very interesting.

Jim’s words were not making sense. While McCoy and Spock might not spend as much time together as Spock and Jim did, it was surely wasn’t that unorthodox that it warranted commentary. They were after all friends. Surely it was not usual for friends to eat meals together? Even if McCoy did only usually joined them around the end of meal time, and almost never the start.

“I fail to see what is surprising.” Spock said.

Jim actually blushed “I suppose you wouldn’t. If anyone heard the way he was speaking about you last night, I doubt they would be surprised either. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Bones speak so highly of anyone.” He finally looked up at Spock, through his eyes only visible through his eyelashes “Not that it was undeserved, of course”.

How could Spock had been worried that Jim would reject him outright last night? Even if he wasn’t interested in Spock romantically there was no reason to assume he would scorn Spock, or humiliate him by spreading the news throughout the ship. At the very least, Jim was a kind man.

“I’m glad you think so, Jim.” Spock softened his look in return “Perhaps if you are amendable we could have dinner followed by a game of chess? It has been 4 days since our last match. Unless of course your last three losses has gotten you to admit defeat?”

Jim was fully looking up now, looking at Spock with eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. He huffed out a small amount of air in what Spock recognised as a sign of amusement. “Not a chance Mister, how about I come around at 18:00 when I’m finished in engineering?”

“That would be acceptable.” Replied Spock, not breaking eye contact.

They continued to hold each other’s gaze for a few more seconds, until the moment was broken by a loud laugh from a nearby table.

Jim blinked to himself before frowning down at the table.

“I just remembered I’ve got some reports that need finishing before I’m due in engineering. I’ll see you tonight, Spock.” At that Jim took his tray and made a hasty exit.

“Until tonight.” Said Spock quietly, watching Jim go.

*---*---*

At 17:55 Spock was observing his quarters quite proudly.

McCoy had told Spock that, candles, low lights and soft music were often used to ‘set the mood’ for Terran dates. Given Starfleet’s ban on open flames on space vessels, displaying candles was not possible. Instead, Spock had opted to use some of his more potent smelling incense, in order to create a pleasant scent throughout the cabin. The lights had been set to a low 15%, giving the cabin an intimate feel. The low light allowed for the starlight to shine through the port window, casting large ever-changing shadows from all the furniture onto the green carpet. Jim often commented on his affection for the stars, he was sure to appreciate that. Lastly, to finish the scene, Spock had put on some music. The only music he had available was Vulcan Lyre music, which played half a piece, with which he would practice duets with. Despite being slightly disjointed alone, Spock felt the overall effect to the ‘mood’ was given.

Yes, he had indeed created a prime setting for courting Jim. His human courting skills were progressing quite nicely in such a short time.

At 17:57 the door chimed, signalling someone requesting entry. There was only one person it was likely to be. Spock took a deep breath, readying himself for the evening to come.

“Open.”

Sure enough, there was Jim. He looked like he did for all their chess matches; dressed still in his command uniform, yet with his posture more relaxed then when in public. Still, looking at him Spock felt that something was… off. He looked relaxed, but although he was determined to be rather than naturally being so.

He also had brought a bottle of wine, which was markedly different from any previous matches. Usually, Jim only drank alcohol in the presence of Dr. McCoy or Lieutenant Scott. Seldom did he drink alcohol in Spock’s presence, and certainly he had never brought any when they were due to socialise alone.

Spock took this as a positive sign.

“I apologise for being slightly early Spock, I can come back after you’ve finished meditating if you’d like.” He offered, taking in the room. He stepped forward enough to allow the door to close “I must admit, I’ve never noticed just how strong Vulcan’s liked their incense until now.”

“Is it... displeasing?” Spock was now feeling less confident than before.

“A touch too strong for my human nose I’m afraid.” Jim said chuckling.

“Ah,” said Spock heading to extinguish them “I will keep that in mind for future, Captain.”

Jim chuckled “ ‘Captain?’ it’s been a while since you’ve called me that in private.” Spock couldn’t see Jim, but he could practically visualise the soft smile that would follow such a statement.

“It reminds me of the early days, before we really got to know one another. Seems like so long ago now.” Spock heard him pacing around the room.

“Say, would you mind if I turned up the lights a bit? I doubt I’ll be able to see the board properly in this light. Unless, of course that is your plan to ensure a victory.” He finished lightly.

“Of course, Jim. I am not the one who needs an advantage, after all.”

“Oh, you’ll be regretting those words by the end of our first game!” Jim said playfully, heading towards the table while ordering the lights to 75%.

As the lighting slowly increased, Spock observed that the ‘mood’ no longer seemed significantly different from any other night. At least the music seemed to be acceptable.

For now.

“Wine?” queried Jim.

Spock heard the clinking of glasses form the small kitchenette his quarters were equipped with, indicating Jim was already pulling out more than one glass.

“Perhaps one glass.” responded Spock, more for Jim’s sake than any actual desire on his part.

Incense all finally extinguished, Spock stood and headed to the edge of the kitchen area while Jim poured a generous portion of wine. A really generous portion.

“I thought that we could celebrate,” said Jim passing Spock a less generously filled glass, “I will admit, I was quite stunned at first by the news,” he smiled in a way that did not quite reach his eyes “But you and Bones are my closest friends. If being in a relationship is what makes you happy then I couldn’t be happier for you both.” He raised his glass. “To a long and happy relationship!”

Spock’s glass did not move an inch from where he had grasped it initially.

In fact, Spock’s whole body was doing a rather impressive imitation of a statue. This was in direct contrast to his internal thoughts, which were going a mile a minute trying to work out what exactly was happening.

When Spock had imagined possible scenarios of tonight, this had not even been close to one of them.

“Spock?” asked Jim. He seemed very concerned. Very concerned for McCoy’s boyfriend.

“You believe that myself and Dr. McCoy are engaged in a romantic relationship?” Spock asked at a 18.4% slower speed than normal.

Jim still looked sheepish “I know neither of you have officially announced anything yet, and that it’s still very new,” said Jim “But I just…” he looked at his wine as though it held the answers to what he was trying to say “You’re important to me Spock. You both are.” He added the last part quickly “and even though…” he stopped again “If Bones is who you want, then I will do everything I can to be a good friend and support you.” He had a determine look on his face, one Spock had seen many times before particularly unpleasant activities in missions.

And it was now being used in reference to Spock’s love life.

How could this have all gotten misinterpreted so badly? Of course Jim wasn’t interested in Spock, if not he wouldn’t be so clearly supporting him in his fictional romance with McCoy. Clearly he viewed Spock with nothing but friendship. Deep friendship, yes, but clearly also platonic friendship.

It was Terran courting Spock was sure. Its unclear, ambiguous, and unreasonably time-consuming ways had led to this moment. No, the Terran approach were not the solution.

“Dr McCoy and I are not in a romantic or physically intimate relationship.” Informed Spock, shifting into what would be parade rest if not for the wine he was still holding.

Jim blinked “You’re not?”

“No,” Spock continued “I approached him to get his advice on Terran courting practices. Given his familiarity with them and human emotions, I concluded that he may be of assistance. It appears I was incorrect.” The feelings that had started this whole mess were starting to reappear.

Only this time, Spock chose fight.

“Jim,” he placed his glass down facing Jim fully, noting Jim follow suit, “Over the past 3.76 years our personal and professional relationship has grown profoundly. This growth has been due to our mutual respect for one another, our mutual interests and goals, and highly compatible personalities.”

“Oh my God.” Said Jim looking at Spock with wonder.

“This, as well as our remarkably high mental compatibility, leads to me to conclude that we would be ideal mates for each other.”

“Oh my God.” Said Jim slightly louder this time, eyes still not leaving Spock.

“I understand as a human, physical compatibility is also of great importance, and I assure you there I have considered this and in addition to your other attributes I find you to be extremely aesthetically pleasing. I would quite enjoy engaging in intimate, physical activities with you.”

“<em>Spock</em>.” Jim choked out, looking at him with wide eyes and pink cheeks.

“I wish to bond with you at your earliest convenience, however I also recognised that humans need more time than Vulcans before committing to another permanently. In light of this, I ask you to consider ‘dating’ me so I may have the chance to convince you of our compatibility, and of my esteem for you.” Spock finished.

There. It was done. He had laid out his points, logically yet while still acknowledging Jim’s different needs as a human. He was very glad no one else was here to hear his blatant emotionalism at the end of his speech.

“What is your reply, Jim?” asked Spock after 43.3 seconds. Surely this was more than enough time to concede to the logic of his statements?

“I think I need to sit down” was Jim’s reply, going to the small couch close by and sinking down. After a few seconds, he moved to place his right leg over his left, and his arm so his chin was supported by one hand. A tell-tale pose for when the captain was thinking deeply on the bridge.

Perhaps not enough time then.

Spock carefully sat down on the other end of the couch and waited.

Jim opened his mouth several times in the succeeding minutes as though he was going to speak, before changing his mind. On the sixth time of such occurrence he finally settled on asking “You want to marry me?”

“Yes.” Said Spock

“You think it would be logical to marry me?” asked Jim again.

“Yes.” Said Spock again, wondering how many times he was going to have to confirm information he had said less than 5 minutes ago.

“That’s great… great.” Said Jim slowly, moving both hands to his chin.

Despite his words, it did not sound ‘great’ felt Spock.

Jim turned so his whole body was facing towards Spock, uncrossing his legs and leaning forwards.

“Spock, you’re proposing marriage between us, yet you seem to be missing one very important factor: love.”

He leaned even closer. Spock could see the smaller flecks of green and gold in his eyes, and the starlight reflecting from the window. He could smell the wine on his breath, and also a small hint of something pleasant that must come from Jim himself.

Spock swallowed.

“Your points are logical as always Spock, but do you love me?” asked Jim softly.

Jim’s face was very close, his stare was intense. Spock tilted his head as he considered the question.

Had anyone else been asking, his response would be to reply that it was well known Vulcans do not love. But Spock would not lie to Jim, not about something so obviously important to him.

Did he love Jim? There was no one else he was closer to on the Enterprise, or off it for that matter. He had changed his schedule to allow for more time in each other’s presence, he enjoyed their time together and even looked forward to it. Even if they were simply completing their own work in the same space, it still filled Spock with a sense of contentedness. Jim made an effort to take Spock’s Vulcan heritage into account, yet Spock never felt he was being judged as too human, nor too Vulcan around Jim. He was accepted, just as he was. He felt relaxed around Jim, a feeling of satisfaction even. When a mission, or an experiment went wrong he realised he sought out Jim’s company.

He thought about waking up next to Jim, seeing his eyes soften as he smiled at Spock. The image alone filled Spock with warmth. Perhaps Jim would hold up two fingers, which Spock would respond with his own; their fingers would kiss, and their minds would sing to each other with unity, with fondness, with lo-

Oh.

“Yes.” Said Spock now realising how true it was “Yes, I do, Jim.”

Spock braced himself. The ball was in Jim’s court, as his mother would say.

Jim leaned back a short distance. “Did you know Spock, the except for your biological time, I didn’t even think that you could feel for someone like that?” he asked.

Spock summised this was rhetorical when he continued speaking before he could reply.

“Then I spoke to Bones,” said Jim, “and he told me about how thoughtful you were, how generous you were, how romantic you were. And it hit me: dating you, being with you, being allowed to love you every day, that would be the most amazing thing anyone could ask for. I felt like kicking myself because I thought I had missed my chance!”

Jim picked up Spock’s hand and held it between his own.

“Going from that to you telling me that you want to marry me is quite the leap.”

Spock was glad he had the contact, in contrast to Jim’s words he could pick up feelings of happiness, and hope, emotions that were mirroring his.

Jim moved closer, so that their noses were practically touching.

Spock heard him chuckle lowly, “When have you ever known me not to risk leaping, Mr. Spock?”

“Never.” Whispered Spock, breathing a puff of air against Jim’s lips.

Jim slipped his eyes close, closing the space between them.

Spock had not experienced many human-style kisses, but this was by the best by far. There was no disregard for Spock’s wants, or madness behind it. Jim kissed him as though he had all the time in the world. As though Spock was beloved, and Jim was using his lips to softly explain to him just how much. Spock knew he was inexperienced in this kind of affection, but he hoped Jim understood that he was trying to show him how cherished Jim was in return.

The message must have gotten through somehow, because when they parted Jim placed his forehead against Spock’s, keeping his eyes closed. His smile was small, intimate. It was beautiful.

Eventually Jim opened his eyes and looked at Spock, the smile never leaving his face.

“You know, I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but it takes at least 3 dates before I agree to marry someone.” He said, eyes twinkling.

“Indeed?” replied Spock, allowing his mouth to soften into a small smile in return, “By Dr. McCoy’s description of a ‘date’ we have been on approximately 237 by my count.”

Jim brought Spock’s hand up to his mouth kissing his knuckles “Is that right?” he said as Spock’s breath hitched “Well, it seems we’re behind on a few 3rd date milestones then.”

Oh yes, Jim was indeed a logical bondmate. Spock’s logical bondmate.

#spirk #fic #snark-sass writes #spock #kirk #jim kirk #spock/kirk #spock/jim #kirk/spock

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marias-studyblr · 6 years ago

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Hello I'm sorry to ask that but how did you do to lose weight ? I've been feeling really down lately bc of my weight but also my body in general. I'm not in a "bad" health, like my weight is what we call "normal" but I'm not comfortable with it.. as my mood is bad I don't have motivation and that sucks... so if you could give me advices it would be really nice 😘 thanks a lot

Hello and I’m the one who’s so so so sorry for the delay on this answer! I hope you still read it and it’s worth the wait/read ❤️

I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor, so all the advice I’m going to give you is born from experience of literal years of trying and trying to lose weight non stop. :)

This is indeed a studyblr account. But this issue is too important and close to my heart to not discuss, and also this health issue of mine has impacted my grades and my school life. Not to mention the damage to my overall happiness and self-confidence, as you explained in your question.

If this was a simple how do you lose weight question I would say it’s simple, because everyone knows it - eat better and exercise frequently. However, this feels to me like a confidence/body issues question, and I’m going to be very thorough about it because it gets a lot more complex when you’re uncomfortable with your body.

I think it’s important to answer this question well and I’m going to do my best. this is gonna be >>>

🌼 I N T R O

I completely understand the feeling of being uncomfortable with your body. The feeling of being comfortable with yourself is more complicated and worrisome than it may appear on a superficial level.

I didn’t grow up feeling comfortable with my body, I remember since 5th grade having my family, my swimming lesson’s teacher, classmates telling me my belly was big and “I looked like I was pregnant”. Without realizing, I became really uncomfortable with that area of my body,

and now, I consider it a beautiful strong part of my body, I don’t worry about sucking it in or hiding it and I don’t even mind when people touch it (idk if it makes sense but I hated it when people touched my belly and I tried to not breathe into my belly or make it bigger in any way). And I can really say this and mean it, which once I thought would be impossible.

🌼 I’ M T H E O N E I S H O U L D L O V E

If we want to change for the better the way we feel - being at ease, in peace - we have to be the cause for that change. Nobody else. Not your crush, not your neighbor, not your parent.

The reason why I’m gaining health in a sustainable way is that in the core of all that is the work I did for my mental health that leaked into all areas of my life, including physical health and losing my unhealthy weight.

I had to go through a massive change of mindset and a bunch of realizations to start taking care of myself properly.

It’s so important to take care of yourself like you actually love yourself, like you actually matter, like you aren’t just a flop of meat hanging around just serving other people’s needs, dressing up for others, saying things to please others.

Breathing like you love yourself, walking, talking, working, eating, moving, exercising like you love yourself. Doing things for no other reason than to tend to your needs, while still maintaining a respect for others and for yourself. That feeling leaks to every single part of your life. And it makes everything start flourishing.

I worked and still work to have that feeling in a more persistent way but I remember when I realized I truly actually felt it in my bones and was starting to act accordingly, not too long ago, tears came to my eyes. I know it comes natural to many, but to me, it was never like that. And it’s so much easier to lose weight when you tend to that.

My first intuition is to serve others. I thought everyone was so much better than me when I was younger, I thought everyone was so cool, except for me. And it feels so great to know that we are all the same. No one is better or worse. No one has the right to belittle me. We are living lives in our own particular way and it’s ok to just… exist and be friends with people and not worry about pleasing everyone, and truly accepting your body figure how it is right now, and trust that you’ll get there somehow by building healthier, more productive habits in time.

Being more confident with the way you look and carrying yourself with grace is such a good feeling. And I want everyone to have that feeling, I want everyone to be healthy and strong. Because that feeling does impact your life in a positive way, even if it’s step by step. One step in the right direction at a time is exactly what we are looking for.

🌼 R E S T R I C T I V E D I E T S

I’ve seen nutritionists give good advice and bad advice on losing weight to people who are self aware/conscious about their body. The bad advice I’ve seen is at the gyms my mom or my mom’s friends have stayed at. If people follow that 6 week restrictive diet plan, obviously they are going to lose weight… but at what cost? and to gain it all back again after? in my knowledge, most people don’t follow it, while paying for the consults and feeling guilty about the whole thing. It’s such an unhealthy experience in my point of view and if you’re trying to lose weight, it’s not something I recommend.

I love donuts and chocolate a lot for example, and I eat them and have eaten them while losing weight consistently. They are not some kind of poison you are guilty of enjoying once in a while. You are not different than any other healthy person. What I’ve figured out is that healthy people enjoy them too, but they just know how to do it.

It’s all about the quantity and eating smartly. You can still enjoy your favorite foods but in small quantities. I normally eat sweets after lunch and dinner, not between or at breakfast. For many reasons, but one of them is that way the small portions really satisfy me. I used to eat a lot of food but now I’m very mindful about the portions. If you could get one thing out of this answer is that PORTIONS ARE IMPORTANT. When I continue eating after I’m satisfied, it’s normally because I put a lot in my plate and I don’t want the food to go to waste. so now I pay mindful attention to that. And it has changed my life!!!1!1

anyways, I know those meal plans way too well, it’s all I heard when I was younger when I googled ‘weight loss tips’… i lost maximum 2 kgs in one and just gained it all back and more after giving up in the middle of it. And the reason why is not because I was weak or undisciplined, it’s because I couldn’t build habits with that kind of intention.

Also I hated to go out/my plans changed but I wouldn’t be able to eat anything because it wouldn’t be on my meal plan. I needed to build discipline to build habits and an intuition to know when I was full, not follow a stupid paper that doesn’t know anything about my body’s needs. We have to be able to act accordingly to our needs, not in fear of gaining weight.

My intention was just to lose some weight to look as skinny as someone else or to look good for other people :(dark thoughts… i know) and also as fast as possible. My intention was never health.

I still had to go through a lot of learning years to really get my intention right so then I could start building the habits that would allow me to lose weight.

**Habits always prevails**

Focus on building slowly the habits that will allow you to live a healthy life FOREVER, not just a 6 week plan. Think about the habits that are realistic enough but healthy enough to implement. Long term results is what you are looking for, trust me. Even if it takes longer to accomplish the same weight when you’re not hungry all the time, it’s teaching you how to eat in a normal way, which for me was very important, coming from a weird past of restricting/binging.

🌼 T E N D E R I N G T O Y O U A S A W H O L E

The good advice I’ve heard from nutritionists includes a holistic approach.

Your whole body is interconnected. You can’t expect to change your weight as of right now in a sustained way without making serious changes to your mindset and lifestyle habits, because your weight is a reflection of your mindset and lifestyle habits, amongst other things.

Even though a 6-week plan might possibly give you a quick fix, it really doesn’t fix anything when you have body issues. Your mindset hasn’t changed, you still have the same habits. To me now it’s obvious why I experienced gain weight recurrences over and over again while following those stupid plans!

When you start considering your body as a whole, and not just the muscles, tendons and organs, but as a functional machine with needs and feelings, a lot of things start clicking and making sense.

Start thinking about the diet that allows your body to be given nutrients so your organs can function, a diet that gives your arteries a chance to breathe, an exercise routine that makes you feel good. Our intention should always be to make ourselves as healthy as possible. As strong, flexible, rich on the inside type of healthy. When we feel the healthiest, inside and out, we feel the happiest.

🌼 A B O U T L O O K I N G G O O D

I know to some it sounds superficial to worry about the way you look. It’s hard to grasp why we as human beings care so much about the concept of beauty. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. When I was still more unhealthy and unconfident, I felt it when I wore a new scarf, when my hair looked nice, when I had a cool pair of earrings… it can be from the smallest of things.

That feeling of confidence is not going to make you happy all of a sudden but I’m tired of hearing people underestimate the power boost and energy it can give you and downplaying it as superficial. I know there is a line where it crosses to vanity. But there is a middle ground between not taking care of yourself and vanity.

To a lot it comes naturally the process of hygiene, dressing your style, exercising, eating well. To others, it may not. I think confidence can be felt at any weight and appearance, but it’s a lot easier to feel confident when you know you are healthy and taking good care of yourself.

I’ve mentioned weight a lot, but know that health is always my number one priority and weight is just one tracker of your health. It’s an important tracker of your health, but it’s not decisive on whether you are healthy or not because it has to be very specific to your daily activities, your job, your height, your body type. And it’s not decisive on wether or not you should think as of yourself as good looking.

I think beauty and aesthetic, whatever that means to you, does play a role in our mental health. And I think only when we embrace that side of our human selves, without excess though, only then we can be truly confident and happy in our shoes.

🌼 W H E N Y O U F E E L B A D

You can’t shame yourself into a healthy mindset/healthy habits. *say it for the people in the back!!* It has to come from a place of connect, self-respect and trust. Or you’ll just guilt yourself into worse habits.

When you have a “bad” day or a “bad” week, take responsibility in order to move forward. Be mindful of feeling guilty or like you’ve “ruined something”. Taking responsibility is different from feeling guilty. One helps you grow consciously and be better in the future, and the other doesn’t.

Every single day, every single week will not be perfect, but don’t let that week turn your habits around. Once again: habit always prevails. I see my habits as the foundations of my healthy lifestyle, as the foundations of a house. Wind doesn’t tear them down, just like a more unhealthy week doesn’t tear them down.

The healthiest people I know don’t care when they have junk food for a meal, they just say “I’ll be more careful next week”. And they don’t even think twice about it. They move on. They accept it and move on.

If you practice it enough times, it becomes second nature.

🌼 B A L A N C E

I feel like when discussing the health of the body, one word that always comes up in mind is BALANCE.

Balancing out the body. I think we know what we need by intuition. We feel sick when we eat too much, we feel tired when we don’t eat enough. So a lot of my eating became guided by this inner intuition of what am I feeling. I’m always asking my body: “What do you need?”

Somedays I’m demotivated, tired, experiencing mood swings, I know I have to balance that negative energy with yoga, meditation, sleep, good food, hydration. I’m getting to know my body more and more as time goes by and a lot of my results come from that LISTENING. It’s listening yall!

And if sometimes you’re lost and you can’t figure out how to listen to what your body is saying, that’s what trackers are for. Do you need to insert a wider variety of nutrients in your diets? Do you need to improve your muscle mass? Are you underweight, are you overweight? What are the foods you eat the most and when are you eating? How many hours are you sleeping?

Don’t get overwhelmed with these questions though, they are useful to help you understand some feelings that you’re experiencing and help you get in the right direction, however, with practice, it becomes second nature to listen.

🌼 D I S C I P L I N E

Another thing I would like to talk about is the role of discipline in a healthy body.

I think the word self-discipline in the diet or exercise context has a very bad connotation, like it’s a bad thing to be disciplined in your meals, or it’s a bad thing to be disciplined in your exercise regimen, because that means you will never eat ice cream again, you’ll always eat the same old boring things.

I know where that concept comes from, I’ve thought that myself, and I understand it. However, as of now, I see being disciplined around your eating habits as something very very good. It’s what has given me a lot of results, and it’s really simple, it’s setting a bunch of rules for yourself and following them. I’ve written more about self discipline, but in the case of eating, it depends on person to person.

There are things that I’m more flexible about and then things I’m really disciplined about. For example, I eat 3 times a day and at specific time stamps, and I’m strict about that. And what I mean by that is everyone has a different version when it comes to what, when and how they enjoy eating.

Discipline is not a bad thing because you can choose the things you want to be disciplined about. I enjoy donuts and chocolate.. so I eat them. I’m full after my meals so I’m disciplined to not eat until my next meal. I exercise everyday. Stuff like that. You get to choose what life you want to live through discipline and really think about your future.

🌼 M Y R U L E S

If you wanted me to say more specific things, like how much I eat in a day, or long I exercise for, I don’t believe those are actually important, because like I’ve said they are personal to each individual and each different needs and lifestyles, so I’ll just say my general guidelines:

walk everywhere. Walking is the most natural exercise and our body loves it a lot. it is highly beneficial.

eat my daily servings of beans, vegetables, fruits, flaxseeds, nuts, whole grains. Start looking at food for more than just taste.

Do yoga once a day.

be specific about your prefered meal times and stick with them. I enjoy eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. I drink water or tea in between but I don’t even think about eating between my meals because I’m so used to eating my meals at specific times. that helps a lot!

during your meals, eat until your satisfied! Don’t leave the table feeling hungry OR too full. Feel happy about eating your meal and appreciate the food in the table. It’s something precious and to cherish.

do other exercise frequently to build muscle and strength, so you can hold and carry yourself even when you get older.

🌼 F I N A L C O N S I D E R A T I O N S

What I tried to explain is hard to put into words. It reminds me of all the moments I hid in the bathroom during PE, cried because of my appearance at night, was humiliated by insensitive people. And how getting through these memories and feelings can’t really be put into words because each person has to look inwards and find that in themselves.

Losing weight is not difficult for a lot of people but for me it always had other meaning behind it.

These moments can and will be replaced by self-confidence and good mental health in the present and future if you keep working on what is actually important - your health, your mental state, and your opinion about yourself. NOT pleasing others. NOT looking good in the mirror. NOT being at a certain number.

It has to come from a good place inside you if you want it to stay for good and actually make a good impact in your life.

It is a slow progress, but remember it’s NOT just to look good, it’s to live a happier life and your preferred lifestyle.

So answering your question: I lost weight by being conscious of my health. I was conscious that I was not healthy at that way, I was not strong, flexible, fast, at least not how I know I could be. I lost weight by striving to find balance, by listening to my body’s needs, by being disciplined on what I gave my stomach to digest, by stimulating my muscles and organs, and always keeping my own happiness as the end goal.

Because I’ve been doing it for a while now, it has become really simple and I eat healthier when I don’t overthink it. Don’t overthink it too much. It’s good to be mindful about it, but I feel better when it’s not constantly in my mind to the point it’s worrying me.

If you were looking for a quick easy way, this is not it my dear dear friend. the truth is you’ll need to work hard on yourself. However, just because it’s a long process, it doesn’t make it difficult. It’s fun to be healthy! It’s fun to exercise and do yoga. It’s fun to eat healthy and normal! We can all do it. You can do it. I can do it.

🌼 A R E C O M M E N D A T I O N

I always make this recommendation but let me do it again. One of the people who made a huge impact on my mental health and was a huge positive influence in my life was Adriene Mishler from Yoga with Adriene. I can’t even remember when I discovered her or how. I did her videos first on an off, and then things started getting more serious and now I’m literally practicing every single day with her for the past few months and I don’t ever want to stop. More than being a really beneficial physical practice for your internal organs, for your muscles and tissue, it’s a daily practice for my energy and happiness. It makes you reflect on the way you think about yourself and take care of yourself. When I’m frustrated I cry and find peace, when I’m happy I get even happier, when I’m busy and nervous, I find my cool and calm.

Her videos are the perfect accomplishment of body and mind connection and have helped me so much. So if you’re not already practicing with her, whenever you can, try one of her videos, 30 minutes go by so fast. She has practices for anxiety, stress melt, text neck, self-doubt, centering, finding stability, connection, creativity, for the future…all free in her yt channel. The more you practice, the more you’ll see real-life results and an energy and mindset that transfers to outside the mat. I really recommend it okay? okay.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. :)) I hope this helped in any way, please never feel embarrassed to send me questions about mental health/physical health. anything that I can help with, I will help and be open about!

as you can see I could write to you for 10 million light years and I would still worry about not getting my point across. okay now I’m really gonna go, sending lots of love to you 💕💕💕 I love you, stay well!

#answered

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chemical-cat · 3 years ago

Text

Just an update on me as a person...

So over the last few days I've been very quiet not only here, but on other platforms as well, especially on my tiktok.

Overall, I've just been trying to work on myself as a person. In the last 3-4 years, I've slipped into a rut, in which some of the behaviors I personally do are not healthy not only to myself but to my partner as well. Now they aren't anything abusive or anything like that, but to me personally they just aren't healthy and I wanted to work on myself.

Over the last year, I've been out of work mainly because I've been having significant health issues which have ultimately impacted my life to the point where I can't work a regular job because within the first 90 days, I'm running the risk of being fired because I'm having to either call in because I'm sick or if I try and push through, my previous jobs would send me home but still tie on a "strike" because I was a liability. (Even in some of these jobs where I worked a year or more, I would be on management's shitlist because of that despite me trying to push through as much as possible.) I've been dealing with these particular health issues for almost 5-6 years now, and while I have been actively seeking medical care for it, I've become so exhausted and tired. I'm tired of the countless tests, the pokes and prads, that result in absolutely no answers and sky high medical bills. I'm tired of countlessly being brushed off as a hypochondriac when I have people in my life, friends/family/partners there with me looking my doctors in the face and telling them they witnessed what I'm saying and that it's true.

I've had so many doctors look at me and tell me so many things that have broken me over the years, I've always been a very petite individual to the point I was labeled as a failure to thrive when I was 9 because I was failing to put on weight the way I should and to grow, I had stalled overall from growing. I have never had an eating disorder, and I will openly state that, if I did I would be honest about it because I fully understand that if I did I could get help and honestly if I did, then I would finally have an answer to my health problems. But I don't, I have always been able to out eat my younger brothers and family. However despite this, despite being with a family practioner who has watched my weight bounce around like a yo yo, and who knows I personally follow their advice for my diet and have tried multiple different changes to my diet just to try and maintain a solid weight, I have experienced my whole life being brushed off because of my size and that I must simply have an eating disorder that I'm to ashamed to admit. However, as I've pointed out several times to various doctors these crucial points if I did:

If I was anorexic, then not only after 5 years would it show but there would be other significant issues (not to mention I'm only putting this is into the 5 years where I have been experiencing health issues not the whole timeline of my life)

If I was bulimic, then I would be having issues with my throat being burned from throwing up constantly, as well as there would potentially be damage to the flap that covers your lungs from food/your stomach from getting air in it and it wouldn't work properly. Not to mention that throwing up has ALWAYS given me panic attacks and anxiety ever since I was a child, now as an adult who has ptsd for me personally, when I throw up I go into a panic attack, which more often then not during the panic attack ends up triggering my ptsd and I end up having flashbacks despite throwing up and the ptsd being unrelated. So personally I don't like throwing up, and I try my hardest not to.

Despite this, over the last year I've had so many negative experiences that it is beyond frustrating. Perfect example being that I went into the ER one night because I was throwing up so badly that I couldn't even hold water down, I was terrified. I couldn't even drive myself, I had to have my mother drive me to the ER at 3-4 am. When we got there, the doctor was completely dismissive and rude from the beginning, insisting that I was pregnant (just from looking at me when he entered the room), when I said there was no way I was pregnant, he got irritated and asked how I would possibly know if I wasn't pregnant (not like it's my own body, god forbid if I know whether or not there was a chance I was pregnant that I would or wouldn't know), when I replied that not only had I had my period every month like clockwork (and that alone isn't usual for me as I have pcos), but that I was currently on my period, as well as the biggest factor being that the last time I had sex was over 7 months ago so I think I'd know if I was 7 months pregnant, he dismissed me and insisted on doing a pregnancy test because he was sure I was pregnant. Which I did with no complaints just to show him that I knew what I was talking about, when the test came back negative, he entered the room and then insisted I had an eating disorder simply based off the fact that I was petite, and when I got reasonably upset at this and told him he was wrong, he once again said how would I possibly know. By this point my mom piped up, and defended me insisting I don't have an eating disorder, and that I out eat my younger brothers (one who is an adult and the other two who are teens), to which he replied with "in all due respect ma'am, how do you know she's not throwing it up later? You may see her eat in front of you, and then she goes and throws it up later, and she's just doing this for attention?" (Yes. He openly stated that I was in the ER at 4 in the morning, when I had to work that morning because I was 'doing it for attention') by this point I was irritated, stressed (because among a string of irrational phobias, I've always had a phobia since I was a child of doctors of any kind and hospitals, so being in a hospital is extremely stressful and scary to me.) I snapped, I was just so done with him as a doctor and wanted to go home, and I told him "because we live in a 115 year old house, and I can hear my parents fucking from one end of the house all the way on the other, so I'm pretty sure they would know if I was throwing up. Now are you actually going to help or can I just fucking go home?" To which he got huffy, and stated I had a stomach bug and released me. In the last 5 years, I've experienced many doctors like this and it is so beyond exhausting. I wish I was making up my symptoms, I wish I was being a hypochondriac because then I would have an answer, and I would honestly know it's all in my head.

Over the 3 years, I've experienced so much depression over this that I've lost a lot of joy in the things I once loved. Simply because as much as I wish it was in my head, I know it's not and the others around me have insisted that it's not either. Yet despite countless tests, there's still no answers, I'm left scared, anxious, and with no answers. At this point I don't even want a solution, I don't care about a way to fix whatever is wrong, I just want to know what's wrong.

My memory has faded to the point where I'm lucky if I can remember a conversation I had with someone 5 minutes ago. I have pass out spells where I'll faint randomly, sometimes I'm lucky and I'll get what I call 'warnings' where I'll get tunnel vision and I know I have less then 10 seconds to get down to the ground to limit possible injury to myself because either way I'm going down. The pass out spells happen whether I'm standing, walking, sitting, laying down, it doesn't matter. I get migraines so badly that it feels like someone is taking a spoon and trying to carve out the cavity where my eyeball as well as I get this hollow type sensation in my head as well. I have what I call 'eye twitches', where my pupils vibrate so fast I can't see for a minute or two, it comes on fast with no seeming cause as to why and it fades as fast as it comes on. (I have been checked multiple times by the eye doctor and it's been determined that there is no cause for this from the eye itself, and that nothing in the eye could be causing it, that other than an astigmatism my eyes are both healthy, I have been working with a neurologist and a cardiologist to get to the bottom of this). Off the top of my head, that's the major ones I can think of, I've been checked for low blood sugar, I've been checked for heart issues, I've done so many tests that I'm exhausted. This isn't a way to live, but yet I have to live in this body, in pain and scared and there are no answers.

As of now, I'm waiting on another test while fighting to get my insurance to actually pay for my medical bills (so far they're refusing and I have almost 10 grand in medical bills, for some of these tests it was verified with insurance before admistering them that they would be covered by insurance because they're expensive tests, insurance agreed it was covered and now refuses to cover anything). It's frustrating, and beyond stressful because it seems like I'm just watching the number climb, because of this I have been unable to get in for the next test I need. While I have been waiting, I've been trying to just make it day by day, I've been trying to be happy.

Because I'm tired of doctors looking at me and dismissing me based off the way my body looks, I've been desperately trying to put on more weight. Which I'm honestly happy about putting on weight because, I do have body dysmorphia and I can't stand the way I look I feel like I'm a walking skeletor, even though my friends/family/and my partner all insist I don't look like a skeletor but that I just look petite, I know it's just my own inability to see my body the way it is. So I've worked on not spending as much time in the mirror, when I do to check how an outfit looks or brush my hair that if I start saying negative things I start pointing out positive things instead, like:

A few days ago I wore a top, with a smokey type print, because this top had more print on one side over the other my first thought was how it looked like I had one boob massively bigger than the other (despite wearing a sports bra where even if that was the case it wouldn't even be that obvious, and it's natural to have one breast bigger than the other), and I pushed that thought to the side pointing out to myself that it was the way the print looked and that even if I did so what? It's natural and no one would really notice that.

I noticed I was starting to put on more weight, and started to get a little more of a tummy while wearing my favorite pair of sweatpants, initially thinking that I'd be unattractive with a 'muffin top', however I pointed out that it's ok to have a tummy, that it's natural and that having even a little bit of a muffin top is ok because I look healthier.

I've been desperately trying to work on the way my body dysmorphia shapes my reality, I know I will never get rid of it and that's ok, but I want to let myself even just some of the time find positive things about myself. During all of this, I've been tracking my diet, in doing so I have implemented a possible weird solution but it's working and that's what matters, I noticed when people diet they try to keep track of calories, and it can help them lose weight. On my phone, it has a health section, and based off my height and weight it has a section where you can monitor your diet (making sure you taking in enough protein, vitamins, veggies, if your taking in to much sodium/sugar, etc. As well as calories), based off my height and current weight, it automatically calculated a daily calorie intake to help me maintain that weight, I figured if I upped it and tried to hit at minimum that calorie intake then I may be able to gain some extra weight. (It was automatically calculated to have a daily calorie intake of 1,300 calories, so I upped it to 2,000 although if I go above that I'm not upset with myself I'm more proud than anything), as well as I'm working on taking in more protein, dairy, carbs (all three were recommended to me by my doctor to have more of these to try to maintain weight and possibly even gain weight), I've tried to scale down on how much caffeine and sugar I'm taking in as well, because I've noticed I have a fairly large sodium diet and I don't want to become dehydrated (because I also don't want dehydration headaches), so I've been trying to upscale in my water intake as well and trying to force myself to drink water versus more caffeine or soda/pop/sugary drinks. (Although, the sugar cravings definitely suck).

I've gotten a agenda/planner to help better keep track of appointments as well as just trying to set a daily schedule for myself as well (like I did back in school, especially with my memory issues so I didn't forget anything), in scheduling things I've been trying to schedule in time during every week to have a "weekend/relaxation time" where I don't do any type of work if I don't want to, a few days to just mentally de-escalate.

In terms of actual work, I've been working on making my own etsy store and products for it, reviewing other products from other businesses/tarot decks, doing tarot readings for clients both on livestreams and privately, as well as general work around the house.

In terms of my online work besides working on my shop and products for it, and doing reviews, and working with clientele in terms of tarot readings, I've also been slowly working on doing research for book reviews for witchy books. Some may see it as not legitimate work, but it's work to me, I'm trying to create an income in something that not only makes me happy but something I strongly believe in as well, but it's slow going.

Now this is just a disclaimer, I am not asking for advice, money, or opinions on my current situation or medical status. I am actively working with a medical team to best get to results as fast as they are able too, I do not want any form of donation to deal with medical debt. This was honestly just a place for me to vent away from my main profile on other platforms where people may have gotten the wrong idea and thought I was asking for money or tried to give me money, I honestly just wanted a place to vent and that's all this post is. It is a place to vent, and it's a moment in time that I can look back on in the future and see where all my progress started while I continue working on myself as a person.

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mental-health-advice · 6 years ago

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I lost my dad on the 29th of January and it was completely unexpected. Since then, my anxiety has been worse (I was diagnosed with social anxiety three years ago) and I barely eat anymore. I'm pretty much loosing XX per day and so is my mum. I don't know what to do anymore, nobody I know had experienced this and the one person I know isn't comfortable with talking about it (which I respect). I'm in therapy but it's actually supposed to end in some weeks because I was doing better. Help

Hi darling,

I’m so sorry for your loss! Losing someone you love is so incredibly tough, and it being completely unexpected can make it even tougher! I lost my best friend really unexpectedly so I can relate a lot to how you’re feeling. I think for me the worst part was how in shock I was and it not truly getting through to me, because this meant that I spent years having realisation-moments of ‘shit, she’s really gone’ which were really difficult to deal with. I don’t know if this is something you’ve been dealing with as well as grief is unique for everyone. But I just want to say that I understand how incredibly tough this is. It hurts and it will hurt for a while, but we can find a way to make it a bit more manageable for you.

I think a good first step would be to explain to your therapist that while you were doing better initially, this has really caught you off guard and has resulted in you struggling a lot more, so that you’d really appreciate it if you could continue seeing your therapist. Since it’s been a while since you sent this in, I hope this is what happened and that you’re still seeing your therapist at the time! If not, would it be possible to reach out to them again? It’s honestly so understandable that this has had a big effect on you and that you need professional help in dealing with it!

It’s really amazing that you were doing better! However, please don’t beat yourself up for taking a few steps back. Like I said, it’s so understandable! Recovery and getting better takes a lot of effort and energy. Right now, all that effort and energy is going into processing what’s happened and dealing with that in whatever way you can. It’s too much to do both at the same time right now and that’s okay! There will be a time where you can take more steps in recovery again and get back to where you used to be

Do you know why you haven’t been eating properly? Is it because of a lack of appetite, is it because you’ve been intentionally restricting your food intake (disordered eating behaviour), or is it another reason maybe? Dealing with a lack of appetite after something so big happening is really common and it sounds like your mum might be dealing with this too. What happened is so shocking and you’re not really functioning, just dragging through the time. You can feel so many emotions, or you can feel really empty. Regardless of whether you feel too many emotions or just big emptiness, there isn’t much room for the more physical feelings such as hunger/appetite. But it’s actually really important to try and get back into eating more regularly, as only doing so will help your body get back on track a little better. It might help to start with lighter things, as I can imagine that’s more manageable to eat than a full meal.

If rather than a lack of appetite you’ve been struggling more with restricting as a disordered eating behaviour, I’d strongly recommend you to open up about this to your therapist so that it isn’t a behaviour you have to tackle by yourself! Would you also feel comfortable opening up to your mum about it? You’re both going through a hell of a time right now. Maybe you feel like you can’t burden her more with your struggles, but I think you can find a lot of comfort in each other, since your struggles will be so similar! They might not display themselves exactly the same, but the root for the both of you is that you’re struggling to cope with your dad’s death. You’re in this together I might be completely wrong here, but is it maybe the case that you’ve started restricting as a way to gain control? Losing your dad is something entirely out of your control so it’s understandable you’d be looking for a way to have some kind of control. When I first started restricting it was for this reason too and after my best friend died restricting got bad again also for this reason. The only problem is that while at first you might feel like restricting will get you some kind of control, the opposite is true. It might feel like control, but this is only an appearance. I eventually got to a point where I realised eating was actually completely outside of my control and it had become a problem on its own (I’ve since been diagnosed with an eating disorder). The reason I’m telling you this is because I really wouldn’t want you to go down the same road as I have! So if you’ve been restricting to get some sort of control, please take it from me that this will not get you control and please reach out so that you can fight against it all! I’m also going to link our eating disorders page series as there’s a lot of information and helpful tips listed on there.

The weight loss you and your mum are both experiencing is probably a combination of how little you’ve been eating as well as the huge amount of stress you’re both under right now! While this explains the weight loss, it’s still worrying and I’d recommend you to speak to your GP / local doctor if it continues to be a problem! Your GP is there to help you through these tough times as well. Even though they can’t fix what you’re going through, they can be of big help in making sure you and your mum get the right help wherever needed. I can imagine it’s a lot of effort to look into it all by yourself now, so it’s more than okay to ask your GP in guidance there!

I’ve written a page on grief which you can find here. Like I said before, grief is unique so everyone’s experience will be different. Therefore it’s also possible that what helped me will not be helpful for you at all and vice versa. I personally did find it helpful when others gave me suggestions on how to cope with it all, as I was completely clueless myself. I’d try it out and if it was helpful then I’d stick to it, if it wasn't helpful then I wouldn’t do it again. Maybe this is a tactic you can follow as well? While doing so it’s most important that you only do something if you feel ready for it. You can take your time, there’s no time limit to grief! It can be hard to differentiate whether you feel ready for something though. Sometimes you can be ready for something but still feel fear as doing the thing is difficult, but can be helpful afterwards. Other times that fear is there as a sign that you’re not ready yet. I don’t really have good advice on how to differentiate here, except to try and listen to yourself and how you think and feel really well. And remember that you’re in charge! You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to or don’t feel ready for.

One piece of advice that I want to give to you is to please continue to talk. Don’t bottle it all up inside as I can tell from experience that it’s not helpful in any way. When you see something your dad would have liked, you can share that your dad would have liked it, regardless of whom you’re with. Or if you see something that makes you think of a memory, you can share that you’re thinking of him or share the memory. I stopped doing this because at first I felt like it would be too painful for my friends as they obviously were struggling too with her death. And later on I felt like they had all moved on and I didn’t want to bother them with it. Much later I found out that they would have loved to share more memories and talk more about her, but they were afraid of doing so as they thought it would have made me felt worse! I think this will apply mostly to you and your mum, but unless she tells you that it’s too painful to talk about it, please continue to talk to her and encourage her to do the same with you! I always found it comforting when someone else mentioned that my best friend would have loved this or that.

There’s no time pressure on this, as it would be more than understandable for you to not be ready for this yet for a long time, but maybe at some time it can be an idea for you to write a letter to your dad in which you write down the things you’d like to have told him still. Even though of course it’s not the same as actually telling him, it can feel a bit closer to it than just thinking those things or not doing anything with them at all.

I’ve rambled on a lot so I can imagine it’s a lot to take in now! Take your time in reading this and please let me know if there’s anything else I can help with! Losing a loved one is a topic close to my heart and I just always want to help in any way I can. You’re going to get through this lovely! It’s super hard and it always will be hard that you lost your dad like this. But it’s going to get manageable. I believe in you.

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful Love Pauline

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mediocremom01 · 4 years ago

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Breastfailing

I originally wanted to wait to write this post as I wanted a successful breast feeding journey. BUT here I am, and I think I've officially had enough. I am all for ‘fed is best’ and whatever you feed your baby I'm proud of you for giving them what they need and to grow and be strong. HOWEVER, I don’t give myself the same standards. Before having a baby I had the mindset of ‘I’m going to try to breast feed but if I can’t its no big deal, I'll feed him formula’ Literally the first night of having my baby, I was 100% invested in breast feeding. I have a LONG and emotional breast feeding journey. Here is how mine and my sons journey went with breast feeding. Prepare... it’s a LONG post

First hour: Not latching, Nurses throw nipple shield at me. I get my son to have WHATEVER colostrum I have, who knows if its enough, but he seemed content for the first two days. He would only use a nipple shield from here on out- will explain more later. Also the nurses were AGGRESSIVE and awful with helping me. When I say aggressive I mean shoving my sons face in my boob with his mouth closed and SQUEEZING my boob.

Day three noon: Didn’t have enough wet diapers and about to be discharged early after a c-section thanks to COVID. Babies at this point have the same number of wet diapers as they are old... so he should have had three. My husband and I questioned his output and we were pushed aside. I also reached out to the nurses because it was taking my son an hour to eat colostrum... Babies at this age have TINY stomachs and it should not take long to fill him up. No lactation consult was given to me at any point even when we asked

Day three midnight: My son was hysterical. Every time I tried to breast feed him (with the nipple shield) he would suck a few times then pass out, which you think “oh he’s “milk drunk”” but not even 5 minutes later he woke up screaming and hungry. This went on until 4am when I finally broke down hysterically crying and my husband took him and fed him formula which he gulped down in seconds then passed out for 4 hours. I was devastated. Devastated that I clearly just starved my son and that I didn’t do what he needed from me most which brings in a lot of guilt.

Day four: we go see a lactation consultant and she said my colostrum isn’t enough for him and to supplement until my milk comes in. He lost 10% birth weight and needed to come back in a few days.

Day six: follow up with lactation consultant. My milk finally comes in and she gives me three days to come back for a weight check and weighted feed. I feel good at this point thinking that now my milk is in I can give my baby what he needs. He starts to eat my milk but is still taking over an hour to eat but at this point he falls asleep and sleeps for a good few hours. I’m feeling like a giant weight has lifted off my shoulders and the guilt fades now that I can feed my baby.

Day nine: go in for a weighted feed but I screwed up and fed him right before the car ride. He was hysterical and hungry i couldn’t starve him just for a “weighted feed”, so I did what I thought was best. We see the consultant and she’s happy with his weight gain.

From here until our two week check up something changes. His naps are no longer for two to three hours they’re more like an hour. He’s feeding close to two hours. I felt like I couldn’t keep him off my boob but when I googled or spoke to any mom friends it was normal and known as cluster feeding. That he was trying to get my milk to increase so he would have enough as he got older. This cluster feeding started to be all day and night.

Two week check up: his doctor says that his weight is a slow gain but once he hits his birth weight it should sky rocket. His diaper output is perfect. I mention the “cluster feeding” she says it’s normal and should subside soon. He’s still using the nipple shield. I mention to her how he looks yellow and she said his bilirubin levels have decreased since birth he’s fine. I feel good but still questioning why he’s at my breast for so long.

3 weeks old: I scheduled a new lactation consultant because I felt the cluster feeding was too often to be all day every day. He also was still eating 2-3 hours at a time before taking a nap and sometimes he wouldn’t even nap he would sleep at my breast, I would try to move him then he would wake up and want to eat again. This consult was over zoom thanks to covid :( she looked at his latch and I brought up all concerns and she blamed the slow eating on the breast sheild and recommended breast compressions and massage while he’s active on the breast. I did what she said and it seemed to help a little but not much, she just kept pressing trying to get him off the nipple shield.

4 weeks old: I call the doctor because his jaundice isn’t getting better and they argued with me for awhile but because he was slow weight gain they said okay. While we were there he only gained a few oz... doctor said that we had to do another weight check in two weeks. While I was there his bilirubin stayed the same, doctor claimed it was breast milk jaundice and it could take weeks to get out of his system. The levels weren’t harmful but noticeable in his skin and eyes.

5 weeks old: I schedule a different lactation consultant but this time someone who could meet me in person. We do a weighted feed and evaluation. 1 hour prior to the visit he was hysterical so I fed him expressed breast milk via bottle and he had 1oz. While she was there He took in 1.5oz. She said that because he took 1oz prior to the appointment and 1.5oz now he was getting enough and I was producing adequately. She saw a tongue and lip tie and told us to have his pediatrician look at it to be released. She said it could be the reasoning as to why he needs the nipple tie and isnt sucking as efficiently.

6 weeks old: his pediatrician says there are no ties and his suck is fine. We discuss his slow weight gain once again. I express my concern about him eating all day and not napping. Like seriously eating all day. The moment I get up to the moment I go to bed he’s just connected to my boob and not sleeping. He cries every time I unlatch him, I’m barely eating and drinking at this point because I don’t have time to go to the bathroom and I don’t have time to eat or have hands to eat.

7 weeks: I get a second opinion with a pediatric dentist. He says both tongue and lip ties are grade three and we discuss the complications of them. I pay OOP to get them released. He said that it would take time but he should start to eat efficiently.

8 weeks: I’m able to feed him 70/30 with nipple shield and without it. Which is an amazing start from someone that had to use it EVERY time. He still is eating all day and not napping. At this point I’m getting REALLY exhausted. Guilt and frustration fill me every time I feed him. “I wish you could just eat better” “I’m sorry I cant have the nipples that make it easier for you” “is my supply even there?” “Come on baby boy, stay active I know you’re hungry”. We go to his 2 month check up and see a new pediatrician. He states that his weight is in the 9th percentile and has only gained 6oz in 3 weeks. At this point he should be gaining more and he recommends I start supplementing with breast. We also find out that he has a severe dairy allergy which has been causing his rash issues, green mucus poops, bad gas and severe reflux. I need to cut diary out of my diet and buy dairy free formula.

9 weeks: I decide to pump and bottle feed with formula. I’m only pumping 1-2 oz at a time total which CLEARLY shows I don’t have a good milk supply. At this point I can’t get dairy out of my breast milk fast enough for him. His reflux and gas are so bad he’s spitting up half an oz per oz. I’m advices to take a break from breast feeding and just formula feed to heal him.

9 weeks and 6 days: I’ve officially thrown in the towel. I’m so exhausted and it’s taking a huge toll on my mental health. I’m no longer a happy mommy. Yesterday we the first night I didn’t nurse him to sleep. It was heart breaking for me. I feel so much failure, sadness, and guilt. Why couldn’t my breasts provide you what you need. I gave breast feeding my everything. I’ve consumed so many different lactation products, power pumping, kept you at the breast every hour and every day since I had you. My breast milk was causing you so much pain internally and you were so hungry that I couldn’t ever satisfy. I feel so selfish that I carried on this journey when we had issues from the start. I feel inadequate and that I didn’t try harder. Maybe if I weren’t a single mom I’d have more energy to push through and make my breast milk dairy free but you don’t like to be put down ever so it makes pumping so hard. I’m sorry little man, I have it my all. At least this formula will fill you up and won’t give you tummy issues

I’m repeatedly saying “I’m a good mom” today because I don’t feel like one. One day this will be a memory and I don’t want it to be a negative one. Trying to find the good when I’m crushed our breast feeding journey has been a complete failure. But you’re with me now taking a nap on me which was never a thing before. So I’m going to soak in these snuggles.

#breastfeeding #first time mom #mom #boymom #fed is best #failure

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toycarousel · 7 years ago

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If you don't mind me asking I'd like to know if you can give me a bit of advice. So I'm kind of a self cannibal and it's starting from me eating the tips of my fingers, and to my thighs now. I'm starting to get scars on my fingers and I'm scared someone will notice. I've been eating my lips for a while now too, and I'm trying to stop. One problem is I like how my blood tastes, and I just get stressed and nervous and start biting away. I find it scary when people look at my cannibalistic scars.

- same self cannibal continue: And I play a violin, and am asked to play, and am learning the piano. Some days I eat away my fingers so much it hurts to type. I find it oddly satisfying and without eating myself I get weirded out and have weird withdraws and it just, is odd..

Hi there, Anon!!! To start off with, I need to make it clear that I’m definitely not a medical professional, and I don’t want to lead you astray in any way. I’m offering my advice and support, but it’s purely from my own perspective, and what I think may help! I do, however, strongly believe that this is something you should bring up with a medical professional (if you have access to one -- even free professionals online might have more helpful advice).

I also just want you to know that I’m glad you talked to me about this -- I know it’s probably not easy to talk about... it doesn’t make you a strange/bad person in any way, even if some folks don’t understand it (though I know that far more people practice this than ppl realize). You’re not “too weird,” or anything like that, not to worry (srsly, every single time I try to answer this, something has gone wrong -- I’ve accidentally clicked out of the tab, swiped the back button without saving my answer, etc.) I don’t want you to have to feel isolated or like you’ve said anything wrong to me, okay? It’s always alright to talk about this with me, and I’m not judging you.

When I was a kid, I used to eat the sloughed-off skin of my inner cheeks, and I still kinda bite my lips out of anxiety and eat what peels off. This isn’t an addiction for me, however. It’s more something that happens incidentally, based on an anxious reflex, and it’s more occasional. But I can see why it could become a strong habit for some folks, for sure.

While you are still doing this (as I know that completely healing from it is likely going to be a process), make sure that you’re taking care of the wounds on your body, for harm-reduction’s sake. On your legs and fingers, be sure to clean the wounds immediately after they’re made (I recommend swabbing the area with hydrogen peroxide, but rubbing alcohol can work as well), and using bandaids and Polysporin/other disinfectant topical treatments to prevent infection. On your mouth and lips, don’t use rubbing alcohol or peroxide, since those are toxic when ingested orally, but make sure to gently wipe the area down with a clean cloth dampened by warm water. On your lips, you can also try using a medicated lip-balm, after washing the area with the cloth. It may also be a good idea to swish your mouth out with an antibacterial mouthwash (use this only as prescribed on the label).

Try not to lick your lips too much, and be mindful of anything that triggers this desire (it’s already a really huge first step that you’ve realized you tend to do this when anxious/nervous and stressed -- it’s great that you’re mindful of the causes, because that will be instrumental in preventing harm in the future). Target the aspects of your life that are causing the stress, and problem-solve them to any extent possible. Research healthy coping mechanisms for anxiety and stress that may help reduce these feelings, and the urge to chew on your skin!!! I have a lot of resources for anxiety/nervousness and stress in my mental health resources tag, but google comes up with most of the stuff I’ve provided there as well. Following blogs that tackle intense anxiety may also be a good idea!

Also, if you find that you cannot resist the urge to bite yourself -- as another aspect of harm-reduction, be sure not to bite too often in the same place, or very deeply in any place, at any one time. I’ve read that this can cause permanent nerve damage in some cases, and I don’t want to scare you (I’m sure you’re going to be alright, since you’re tackling this right away), but be aware of any risks of biting certain parts of the body, including the fingers. And always be on the lookout for signs of infection, in case you need to see a doctor immediately!!!

There are many, many resources on this specific issue, and I’ll link them below; especially ones where you can hear from people who have more similar experiences to yours!!!

https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/ypwnjk/dermatophagia-the-psychological-disorder-that-makes-people-bite-their-own-skin (this is info on what might be going on for you, and it also talks about people who’ve recovered. That being said, it’s more an info piece!!!)

https://www.skinpick.com/node/1883 (this is an older post by someone who overcame their desire to pick and eat their skin; it sounds like they’re not certain how far they’ve come, but recovery is like that -- there are ups and downs. Either way, they may have some valuable tips!)

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Dermatophagia/300197 (another forum, this site is more generalized, and this thread is older, but I think you could start your own thread and see what people have done to limit their desire to practice this!)

https://www.doctorshealthpress.com/general-health-articles/dermatophagia/ (this article lists actual treatments that you can discuss with your doctor(s), and with other people... and even try to practice on your own, if you feel it’s safe to do so!)

https://www.skinpick.com/node/682 (another article from this site -- the site seems more tailored to what you’re experiencing, so it may be an excellent idea to start your own thread and see what responses you receive! Checking out the site in general is a good idea, imo, just to see what’s available for help, and to get the chance to speak to people who are in the same boat).

https://ocdla.com/abcs-dermatillomania-compulsive-skin-picking-1979 (this is more info on skin-picking without the autocannibalistic portion, but the treatments listed here would also apply to you as well, and they’re something to read through and consider!!!)

http://www.skinpickingsupport.com/about/body-focused-repetitive-behaviors-bfrbs/ (this link has more info on a variety of skin picking behaviours, some pertaining to what you’re experiencing, and the site itself is another one I think you could read through and gain insight from!)

https://www.psychforums.com/impulse-control/topic57565.html (this is another generalized forum, and this thread is older, but reading through the responses might provide you with more helpful tips, and you can start your own thread here as well -- the more conversations you safely open up regarding this, the more likely you are to find people who understand, and who can also offer valuable info and support!)

Again, if you want to talk/vent about this, or anything else, I’m here and I’m listening. I can’t promise I’ll ever get back to you right away, as I receive hundreds of messages, and I’m overwhelmed, but I do care about what happens to you, and I want you to be safe (and to know that you don’t have to keep this a secret or be alone in this!) Take care, Anon!!!

#autocannibalism #dermatophagia #dermatillomania #skin picking #anxiety #stress #biting -#blood -#scars -#mental health resources #advice asks #ask to tag -#anons #scotchasks

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what-even-is-thiss · 7 years ago

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I just found out I have ADHD two days ago. What do I do? Can you give a run through on what to do, in general? I think I'm confusing you. Just explain how your life is with ADHD please

Oh man. I remember my diagnosis. I was not happy about it. Okay, I'll try to give some unprofessional advice. This got kind of long.There's a couple things that might happen. If your ADHD is moderate to extreme your doctor might strongly recommend you try meds. If it's mild like mine it'll be a choice. I chose not to take meds and instead use mental techniques and coping mechanisms which people with meds usually use anyways because they don't make all the symptoms go away.I'm just one guy with mild inattentive type (aka ADD) but I'll tell you about my day to day experience and a couple things my lil bro, a kid with moderate hyperactive inattentive type on meds goes through.First of all, doing stuff you don't wanna do is extremely difficult. My brother doesn't like reading and even with his meds it's hard for him to and I'm the same way with writing academic papers for stuff not in my major. Neurotypicals just don't get how hard it is. One thing I'd suggest doing when you need to do something you don't want to do is remove distractions. Get out of your room or wherever your stuff is. Clear off your dining table or clean up your sitting room or go to a local library and sit in a section full of books you don't like. Keep your phone in your bag or pocket and surround yourself with the material. Take breaks every twenty minutes. Really plan for it. When my brother needs to read he goes into our family room and the entire house goes quiet so he can read. When I need to write a paper I go to my university's library in an area I only go when I write papers. It's still really hard, but it becomes easier.Hyper focus is a blessing and a curse. That's the state you get into when you are 110% focused on one thing. The entire world is tuned out and all you see is that thing you're doing and time is even more distorted than usual. It's great when you're doing a project or homework or housework, but it can also happen when you're watching tv or attempting to get a particularly worrisome hangnail off your finger. It's easy to lose track of time and I've actually forgotten to eat meals and use the restroom or drink water if I stay in hyper focus too long. I've even forgotten to breathe for a few seconds. If you're doing something interesting set timers so you don't forget to go to work or eat. Also if you can find a way to trigger hyperfocus when you need to get something done, it can be very helpful. And try not to hit anybody when they snap you out of it. I've nearly hurt people before when they startled me out of it.You don't need to follow "normal" ways of getting things done. If you need a rigid schedule so strict it resembles military protocol then make one for yourself. If it's impossible for you to keep any kind of schedule then work with that. It's impossible for me to stick to anything other than a loose schedule while my brother needs a steady one or he gets lost. Every person with ADHD is different. I can't stick to a schedule. I can't stand consistency. I brush my teeth at different times. I exercise and study and sleep and write when I feel like it. The only steady thing in my life is when I need to go to classes during the school year and going to church at 11 am every Sunday. My brother is at the opposite end. He needs to wake up at the same time, eat around the same time, and study at the same time. If anything is thrown out of whack he feels like the world has come crashing down and sometimes it puts a damper on his entire day. He does spontaneous things, but there's a time and place for them. Certain times in the evenings and on the weekends.One of the most annoying things is something I've forgotten the term for but I'll explain it. See, the human brain has two states. Spaced out, when you're not really focusing on anything, and focused when you're focused. Normal humans space out, but not as often as people with ADHD, and they can usually successfully get back to focus mode. People with ADHD often are stuck in between these two states. They are unfocused and focused at the same time. That's when you pay attention to what you're reading and then realize you don't remember the last few pages of text you read. When you see someone is talking but all you see is moving lips. When you're trying with all your might to focus but you just can't and it's like you're stuck in limbo. It's even worse when you're with someone that won't let you fidget or stim. I go to church with my grandparents and even though my grandma knows fidgeting helps me she always insists I don't move. These days I don't listen but I used to and I would try with all my might to sit still but then my mind would go everywhere and nowhere and then remember nothing that happened during the church service. Fidgeting is the best way to cope with this particular problem but know you might annoy people around you and it's not always a perfect solution. Sometimes the split attention thing is just gonna happen.Memory is a problem. Oh my gosh. Write everything down and still forget. I'm particularly bad with names and lists. My brother and I are both bad at remembering what we're supposed to do if you give us more than one thing that needs to happen. Also dealing with people that follow linear thinking is frustrating. They need conversations to follow a logical pattern. A conversation between 2 neurotypicals goes from point A to point B to point C. A conversation between 2 people with ADHD goes from point A to point Z and back to point H and then stays linear for a while and then jumps to point 2F, which is a point any neurotypicals listening in didn't even know was a point to begin with. And then over to Hati or something. I'm getting distracted just writing this. Whatever happened to the earthquake relief there? Nobody talks about it anymore.Where was I? Oh yeah. My point is, the normals can get confused if you try to talk about everything your brain jumps to so be aware of that.Brain working way faster than anyone else's and way slower at the same time. I often see obvious things that aren't obvious to anyone else because my brain connected all the dots in a fraction of a second what it takes them minutes or hours to figure out but I also take hours or days to understand some simple concepts. This feature of the disorder is both useful and incredibly annoying. Surround yourself with patient people and be patient with them when explaining things in turn. That was long and I could say a lot more because my ADHD affects every aspect of my life and many aspects of the lives of those closest to me. However, as upset as I was when I was first diagnosed just knowing I have it has helped so much. Be patient with yourself. I know patience is hard for people like us, but it can take a while to learn to function and even longer to accept you don't need to function like you're a neurotypical. You still need to learn in your own special way how to make it, but you don't need to follow that pattern of thinking or be fixed. Medication is a great thing and can really help and if you feel you need it I'd highly recommend you try, but it doesn't "cure" you. There will still be problems and the disorder will still affect your life.I'm rambling. What a surprise. Good luck to you.

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howtoloseweightfastsafely · 6 years ago

Text

10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply

There are several chemicals that companies use in processed foods to "improve" their flavor and texture despite near-unanimous condemnation by the United Nations, the European Union and other countries around the world.

The United States has not taken the same steps to remove these chemicals from our own food supply.

Here's a list of highly dubious chemical ingredients currently allowed in American foods that you should stay away from:

1. Azodicarbonamide. This is a "dough conditioner" that creates even air pockets within the dough, giving industrial-processed foods a light, fluffy, fresh-baked texture. However, azodicarbonamide is actually a yellowish powder that is most commonly used for creating foamed plastics. The FDA considers it "Generally Regarded As Safe," but the United Kingdom and the World Health Organization both recognized the chemical as a potential cause of asthma and allergic reactions. Also, once the chemical degrades due to heat, it transforms into a well-known carcinogen. The United States is one of the only countries in the world that allows the use of this chemical in food - it's illegal in the U.K., across Europe and in Australia.

2. BHA and BHT. These are two chemicals - closely related - that the FDA has also classified as "Generally Regarded as Safe." They have a waxy consistency and are used as a preservative to keep food from going bad. They're often used in potato chips, breakfast cereals and sausages. The trouble is, studies from the U.S. National Toxicology Program have shown that they are carcinogenic - meaning they raise a person's risk of getting cancer if they are ingested. BHA and BHT are banned in Japan, Canada, New Zealand, Australia and all across Europe.

3. Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone (rBGH). These are lab-made hormones administered to cows in the United States that makes them produce more milk. Unfortunately, it also makes them more susceptible to disease, causing farmers to subsequently pump the cows full of antibiotics. Those antibiotics eventually make their way into people's bodies through milk, which could potentially lead to antibiotic-resistant bacteria and other health problems.

4. Blue Dye #1. Also called Brilliant Blue, this chemical has been linked in scientific studies with allergies, learning disabilities, aggressiveness and irritability in children.

The only reason it's used? To "improve" the look of foods like ice cream, peas, icings and certain liqueurs. There aren't any "brilliant blue" foods in nature - and there shouldn't be any in your cupboard, either. This chemical is banned in most of Europe.

5. Yellow Dye #5. Also known as tartrazine, more than half of the studies performed on this chemical have conclusively shown that it deteriorates a person's DNA - making it dangerous not only to a human being, but to their potential future children, as well.

You're most likely to find tartrazine in cheese-flavored crackers like Goldfish and Cheez- Its, as well as in chips, puddings and macaroni-and-cheese boxed dinners.

6. Yellow Dye #6. Another yellow dye to finish things off - this chemical is found in breakfast cereals, Eggo waffles, American cheese and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese boxed dinner. These were banned in Northern Europe after studies showed the chemical was linked to adrenal and kidney tumors in rats.

7. Astaxanthin. Found primarily in farm-raised salmon, whose diets give them an unappetizing gray color of flesh (instead of the healthy pink found in wild salmon,) astaxanthin is a petrochemical (meaning it's derived from oil) that is used to turn farmed salmon meat pink. Astaxanthin has not been approved for human consumption and is banned in Australia and New Zealand.

8. Brominated Vegetable Oil. Usually found in Gatorade, Squirt, Sprit and other citrus-flavored soft drinks and energy drinks, brominated vegetable oil (BVO) was originally patented as a flame-retardant chemical. BVO has the unfortunate tendency to build up in people's systems, and in large doses, it's been shown to cause reproductive and behavioral harm to animals. This is banned in many countries in Europe.

9. Arsenic. Yes, the infamous poison is regularly fed to poultry in the United States to make them grow more quickly, and make the meat appear more pink and fresh. Although arsenic-drugs are administered in very small doses, large doses of arsenic are outright lethal, and it' a known cancer-causing agent. The reasoning the FDA uses to keep it legal in the United States is that organic arsenic is less dangerous than inorganic arsenic, so only organic arsenic is allowed to be used. The European Union says, "Arsenic is arsenic, and it doesn't belong in food."

10. Potassium Bromate. This is another additive to breads, like azodicarbonamide, but its point is to make bread "enriched" with potassium - a vital nutrient. The problem is, potassium bromate has been linked to kidney damage, nervous system damage, thyroid problems and cancer. Canada, China and the European Union ban potassium bromate, but it's still used as an "enrichment" here in the States.

So, How Can You Avoid Obesity-Causing Chemicals?

The best way to avoid these harmful chemicals is to get back to a natural diet.

Cut out all processed foods, and stick to the pure, unadulterated foods (you'll find these on the perimeter of grocery stores, rather than inside the aisles).

It is also important to choose organic foods whenever possible. True, organic foods can still contain trace amounts of pesticides and other chemicals. However, the amount of chemicals is significantly less, which means you don't have to worry so much about your endocrine system spinning out of control.

But, of course, it's easy to say "just eat organic." In reality, not all of us can afford to eat 100% organic, myself included.

So what do we do?

Find a healthy balance/safe medium.

Since keeping a tight budget is very important right now, I'm selective about eating organic.

I only eat organic for foods that have the highest levels of pesticides/chemicals.

If you're on a budget too, buy organic for the following products (which typically contain very high amounts of pesticides and insecticides):

Apples

Celery

Peppers

Spinach

Peaches

Nectarines

Strawberries

Cucumbers

Grapes

Green beans

Lettuce and other greens

My rule of thumb for buying organic produce on a budget: if the skin is exposed, buy organic. If not, buy the regular stuff.

In line with that statement, you'll notice that all the foods on the list above have their skin exposed, meaning organic versions are preferred.

Some great veggies/fruits that I usually buy non-organic are avocados, onions, mangoes, cabbage, oranges, bananas, etc.

Check out the Environmental Working Group's site to learn more about "clean" and "dirty" produce.

Additionally, follow these guidelines to avoid chemicals in your food:

1-2x per week is enough to get your Omega-3 needs

Frozen wild fish can be GREAT, since the fats are frozen upon catching and are therefore preserved much longer.

Costco/BJ's is great for large packages of frozen wild fish.

Conventionally-made meats contain high levels of hormones and antibiotics)

Don't worry about buying organic beef or organic chicken. It can help but it's really more of a farce if anything. Organic meats are still fed grains and starches that their digestive systems are not accustomed to, meaning the end product is still tainted.

Note that chicken is higher in Omega 6 than Beef, Lamb, and Goat (the 3 main low-omega 6 meats)....so only eat organic chicken, and it eats for variety. Stick to the low-Omega 6 meats for most meals.

Grass-fed or pasture-raised insures they are eating their natural diets, allowing for a superior, healthier end product.

Try to stick to cultured dairy, which is most types of dairy besides milk.

Raw milk is the only type of milk that seems to not cause dairy allergies/intolerances

If you eat canned foods, eat them sparingly and make sure to soak/heat the food

If you're too lazy to cook the fresh/frozen versions, then FINE...buy canned. If it'll help you stick to your diet then I'm ok with it (at least until you're in shape! After that, ditch the canned foods).

For added benefit, pick up Berkeley water filters, which are the "cream of the crop" in removing chemicals/toxins from water.

If the Berkeley is out of your price range, just use a Brita and/or look for a water bottle with built-in filters.

Even if it says "microwave-safe", if it's plastic, don't do it!

Instead, I highly recommend mid-sized glass Pyrex bowls. They are awesome, cost about $7, and will last forever.

With that being said...you know the drill: While chemicals are important, they still do not trump eating more calories than you burn (if weight loss is your goal).

So, don't let yourself fall into the trap of "well I know they're cookies...but at least they're organic!", and then end up eating 12 cookies.

Capiche?

Onward.

Interested in losing weight? Then click below to see the exact steps I took to lose weight and keep it off for good...

Read the previous article about "How Chemicals In Food Make Us Fat (Plus 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply)"

Read the next article about "How To Protect Yourself Against Chronic Inflammation (What Time Magazine Calls A "Secret Killer")"

Moving forward, there are several other articles/topics I'll share so you can lose weight even faster, and feel great doing it.

Below is a list of these topics and you can use this Table of Contents to jump to the part that interests you the most.

Topic 1: How I Lost 30 Pounds In 90 Days - And How You Can Too

Topic 2: How I Lost Weight By Not Following The Mainstream Media And Health Guru's Advice - Why The Health Industry Is Broken And How We Can Fix It

Topic 3: The #1 Ridiculous Diet Myth Pushed By 95% Of Doctors And "experts" That Is Keeping You From The Body Of Your Dreams

Topic 4: The Dangers of Low-Carb and Other "No Calorie Counting" Diets

Topic 5: Why Red Meat May Be Good For You And Eggs Won't Kill You

Topic 6: Two Critical Hormones That Are Quietly Making Americans Sicker and Heavier Than Ever Before

Topic 7: Everything Popular Is Wrong: The Real Key To Long-Term Weight Loss

Topic 8: Why That New Miracle Diet Isn't So Much of a Miracle After All (And Why You're Guaranteed To Hate Yourself On It Sooner or Later)

Topic 9: A Nutrition Crash Course To Build A Healthy Body and Happy Mind

Topic 10: How Much You Really Need To Eat For Steady Fat Loss (The Truth About Calories and Macronutrients)

Topic 11: The Easy Way To Determining Your Calorie Intake

Topic 12: Calculating A Weight Loss Deficit

Topic 13: How To Determine Your Optimal "Macros" (And How The Skinny On The 3-Phase Extreme Fat Loss Formula)

Topic 14: Two Dangerous "Invisible Thorn" Foods Masquerading as "Heart Healthy Super Nutrients"

Topic 15: The Truth About Whole Grains And Beans: What Traditional Cultures Know About These So-called "Healthy Foods" That Most Americans Don't

Topic 16: The Inflammation-Reducing, Immune-Fortifying Secret of All Long-Living Cultures (This 3-Step Process Can Reduce Chronic Pain and Heal Your Gut in Less Than 24 Hours)

Topic 17: The Foolproof Immune-enhancing Plan That Cleanses And Purifies Your Body, While "patching Up" Holes, Gaps, And Inefficiencies In Your Digestive System (And How To Do It Without Wasting $10+ Per "meal" On Ridiculous Juice Cleanses)

Topic 18: The Great Soy Myth (and The Truth About Soy in Eastern Asia)

Topic 19: How Chemicals In Food Make Us Fat (Plus 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply)

Topic 20: 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply

Topic 21: How To Protect Yourself Against Chronic Inflammation (What Time Magazine Calls A "Secret Killer")

Topic 22: The Truth About Buying Organic: Secrets The Health Food Industry Doesn't Want You To Know

Topic 23: Choosing High Quality Foods

Topic 24: A Recipe For Rapid Aging: The "Hidden" Compounds Stealing Your Youth, Minute by Minute

Topic 25: 7 Steps To Reduce AGEs and Slow Aging

Topic 26: The 10-second Trick That Can Slash Your Risk Of Cardiovascular Mortality By 37% (Most Traditional Cultures Have Done This For Centuries, But The Pharmaceutical Industry Would Be Up In Arms If More Modern-day Americans Knew About It)

Topic 27: How To Clean Up Your Liver and Vital Organs

Topic 28: The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)

Topic 29: How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You

Topic 30: 7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)

Topic 31: How To Sleep Like A Baby (And Wake Up Feeling Like A Boss)

Topic 32: The 8-step Formula That Finally "fixes" Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested (If You Ever Find Yourself Hitting The Snooze Every Morning Or Dozing Off At Work, These Steps Will Change Your Life Forever)

Topic 33: For Even Better Leg Up And/or See Faster Results In Fixing Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested, Do The Following:

Topic 34: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 35: Part 1 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 36: Part 2 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 37: Part 3 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 38: Part 4 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 39: How To Beat Your Mental Roadblocks And Why It Can Be The Difference Between A Happy, Satisfying Life And A Sad, Fearful Existence (These Strategies Will Reduce Stress, Increase Productivity And Show You How To Fulfill All Your Dreams)

Topic 40: Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Time: The Body Type Solution To Quick, Lasting Results

Topic 41: If You Want Maximum Results In Minimum Time You're Going To Have To Work Out (And Workout Hard, At That)

Topic 42: Food Planning For Maximum Fat Loss In Minimum Time

Topic 43: How To Lose Weight Fast If You're in Chronic Pain

Topic 44: Nutrition Basics for Fast Pain Relief (and Weight Loss)

Topic 45: How To Track Results (And Not Fall Into the Trap That Ruins 95% of Well-Thought Out Diets)

Topic 46: Advanced Fat Loss - Calorie Cycling, Carb Cycling and Intermittent Fasting

Topic 47: Advanced Fat Loss - Part I: Calorie Cycling

Topic 48: Advanced Fat Loss - Part II: Carb Cycling

Topic 49: Advanced Fat Loss - Part III: Intermittent Fasting

Topic 50: Putting It All Together

Learn more by visiting our website here: invigoratenow.com

#weightloss #diet

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ed-recovery-affirmations · 2 years ago

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ive been going back and forth about asking this but as someone who never had healthy eating to a healthy approach to body image modeled for me, what does waning the healthfully lose weight look like? ive been considering trying to lose weight for health reasons (my doctor supports me if i choose to or not) but i realize i have no idea how to keep diet and exercise from becoming disordered. thank you for your time

That is a very good question! I'm glad you have access to a medical professional who supports you either way. I'm going to go ahead and put my answer under a cut so that people who find diet advice triggering can choose not to read. The truth is that for many people who've experienced disordered eating, all dieting is a risk and can lead to ED relapse. I was really hesitant about answering this, because I do personally believe in health at every size, and because I do not know your specific medical needs/previously existing medical conditions. However, because as someone who had to be put on a very restrictive diet when I was experiencing terrible GI problems, I REALLY wish I'd had someone to talk me through having to restrict with a previous ED, because it was SO triggering. I truly hope my advice can help, whether you choose to pursue this or not.

I am going to bold something I ended up putting in the end of my written piece, though: If you try still find yourself struggling too hard with your mental health and body image, it's really okay to stop dieting. If you find yourself too hungry, too tired, just too deprived, you can quit. I don't know how you feel about the "health at every size" movement, and I do not know your current weight, nor do I need to ask. All I know is that ANYTHING is healthier than developing a lifelong eating disorder. And I know that you deserve a life in which you feel the best you possibly can, regardless of what that looks like! I personally believe it is okay to be fat. Yes, really. It is okay to be fat. It can be hard, in this world that demonizes fatness, to accept that for yourself, but it is okay to be fat. And it is much, much healthier to be a self-loving fat person than to be someone who self-destructs in pursuit of thinness.

Please take care of yourselves, followers. Know your limits and mind the tags before reading on.

So if you choose to pursue this, first and foremost, make sure you're not cutting too many calories, because you will fuck up your metabolism in the long run. Remember that 2000 (give or take) is considered the MINIMUM for an adult. Many diets recommend 1500 - that is BAD. That is a starvation diet. There have been studies showing this will fuck with your metabolism and health long-term. 2000 is the minimum, and remember that calories have no morality. You may find yourself needing to add more if your exercise plan is particularly rigorous. Remember, giving your body what it needs will make it feel safe. Exercising while going into deprivation mode will trigger your body into starvation mode in the long run.

That leads me into a segue - never let your body feel deprived or starved. This is the gateway to eating-disordered thinking - the idea that you should deprive yourself if your body is not where you feel it "should" be, or that you are displaying moral weakness for feeding your body when it tells you it needs feeding. Use intuitive eating - eat nice and slow, savoring each bite, and absolutely keep eating until your body tells you it feels full enough. Remember, once your body is full, there is nothing wrong with putting away the rest for leftovers!

(And keep in mind - eat until you feel ACTUALLY full, not using ana tricks to make your body temporarily THINK you are full.)

Take joy in cooking and finding new foods! Food is not bad. It is something that we all need and it is natural for us to take pleasure in it, so don't let your eating or food prep experiences become "guilty!" Experiment with nutritious recipes, savoring the journey of finding what you like, and remember, you don't have to force yourself to eat specific foods if you don't enjoy them. I know kale got really big a while back, but it's just not for everyone. (It can also be cooked in different ways - it is VERY difficult to enjoy raw kale.) Now drinking liquefied celery seems to be the new fad diet. You don't have to like that either (I hate celery, myself!) There is no morality attached to eating foods that you hate because the latest fad diet says you have to, and you do not deserved to be deprived of enjoyable food at ANY size, remind yourself of that! Remember that your body does not need to "detox" from food, and that there are a wide variety of foods that can offer you good nutrition. Depriving yourself leads to a mentality of feeling like you deserve to be deprived. Do your research and find what you like.

Remember that healthy fats, carbs, salt, and sugars are necessary nutrients. While your doctor may advise you to somewhat reduce these things, do not trust ANY diet that tries to keep you from incorporating these things into your regular meals. (In fact, you need many of these things in order to properly absorb your vitamins.) Eat complete meals rather than falling to fad diets.

You are human and humans need little treats! If you have a favorite type of "junk food" it will not lead to a healthy mentality to deprive yourself of it completely. Your doctor may advise you to reduce the quantities of these treats and replace them with more nutritious snacks, but a total-deprivation diet is not mentally healthy. Keep your treats. Remember that your worth does not decline at ANY size, and you deserve to have treats here and there at ANY point in your journey. And that's ANY treat. Yes, processed food. Yes, refined sugars. Yes, "empty calories." We all deserve a little bit of our favorite things every now and again, and these foods have no morality. They are not "guilty" or "bad" foods. They're treats. Allow yourself to enjoy them. I also would NOT follow the practice of setting aside one specific "cheat day" where you allow yourself to go ham, followed by more restriction. I'm concerned that could lead to a binge-restrict pattern, fuck up your metabolism, and encourage an unhealthy relationship to guilt and food. Instead, allot yourself these treats in measured amounts throughout your week.

(Also, try to keep from falling into the mentality that you are only allowed to feel joy, pride, happiness, etc once you have reached a certain weight. If you never lose an ounce, you are every bit as human and worthy as a hypothetical thinner self. If you deprive yourself of joy in the process, having no idea how long it will take, you may arrive at your weight goal only to find that you have forgotten how to feel positively about yourself as a person along the way.)

Remember that exercise is not for punishing your body! Try to find exercise that you enjoy. You can take little walks while listening to music. Perhaps you can go swimming, try yoga, or sign up for a dance class. It can be hard to do these things while you don't feel comfortable in your body, but remember that regardless of what anyone else thinks, you deserve to have activities you enjoy at EVERY size. Typical exercise like running and lifting are totally fine, but not everybody likes these things and that's okay. There's no morality to that either. Some people just hate running. Remember that you're trying to create a lifestyle in which your mind and body feel good, a life that you enjoy. So ask yourself, as you exercise - are you doing something good for your body, or are you punishing your body? Your body does not deserve to be punished. (And don't be discouraged if you have to work up to the exercise abilities you want. It doesn't happen overnight.) Oh, and you don't need to exercise excessively after a holiday or a treat! Exercise is not something you use to punish yourself for eating. Eating is a life necessity, not a punishable offense. Remember that.

Allow yourself to enjoy events like holiday parties, birthdays, family events. It can be hard not to struggle with guilt on these days, but you are still deserving of enjoying the treats and festivities at any size. And if well-meaning family members try to guilt you, feel free to let them know that if you wanted their advice, you would ask.

Do not be tempted to punish your body through restriction or painful levels of exercise, even if you don't lose weight as fast as you'd wanted to. Even if you find yourself not losing any weight at all! All bodies and metabolisms are different, and you don't deserve to punish yourself no matter what. These behaviors can create mental health problems and can set you up for serious long-term physical health problems down the line. And you deserve better than that - at ANY size! Keep in mind that you may not end up at the ultimate weight you had envisioned, but try not to become frustrated. Go at it slowly and steadily. Drastic levels of rapid weight loss just do more harm than good. Try to enjoy where you are at every part in the process, and give your body love and appreciation wherever it's at. There is a lot of pressure to want and relentlessly pursue a thin body, but it's not sustainable if you can't be in the moment loving your body along the way.

And finally, if you find yourself struggling with a mentality of guilt, shame, or fear around food, it is okay to go off your diet. If you find yourself too hungry, too tired, just too deprived, you can quit. Yes, really. There can be a lot of stigma or shame attributed to a "failed" diet, but there is nothing shameful about making the right choices to best protect YOUR mental and physical health. So if you try this and still find yourself struggling too hard with your mental health and body image, it's really okay to stop. I don't know how you feel about the "health at every size" movement, and I do not know your current weight, nor do I need to ask. All I know is that anything is healthier than developing a lifelong eating disorder. And I know that you deserve a life in which you feel the best you possibly can, regardless of what that looks like! I personally believe it is okay to be fat. Yes, really. It is okay to be fat. It can be hard, in this world that demonizes fatness, to accept that about yourself, but it is okay to be fat. And it is much, much healthier to be a self-loving fat person than to be someone who self-destructs in pursuit of thinness.

I might suggest you consult with a therapist and nutritionist who might be able to help you monitor yourself, and might also help you gain better insights into your mentality around body image and food. That way you're not doing this alone and will have other people to tell you if what you're doing is taking a turn into the unhealthy/disordered.

Whatever you decide to do, anon, I hope you find a life that you enjoy and in which you feel well!

#restriction cw #restriction #weight loss #calorie counts #i was super hesitant about posting this #diet culture #fatphobia cw #fatphobia #mind the tags #calorie mention

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badfey · 7 years ago

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I have a friend with an eating disorder and you seem to know a lot about it. and i don't know anything! so i'm wondering • how do you know so much, do you or a friend have one? • how can i support and help my friend through it. (he also has anxiety and depression so if you have any tips on them you could chuck them in) i know your not a professional but i want to know your personal tips on how you would (or currently do idk) support a friend thank you :))

hi, i myself have been through minor eating problems, but luckily its never spiralled or become a disorder of its own. most of the people im closest to have had EDs, so i do know a lot about supporting them through it. this message is kinda more tailored to EDs, but if u want more advice on the other stuff just shoot another ask bc i have a lot of experience w that too

i’ll preface this by saying that just as every person is unique, so will be their relation with their disorder. here are some ways you can help [under the cut because this got long]

TW: eating disorders, food, self harm, mental illness

getting help:

if your friend has an eating disorder, they need help. EDs are practically impossible to overcome on your own, and the longer someone goes without treatment, the harder it is to recover. without help, EDs have a very low survival rate

if theyre already getting help for anxiety/depression, they should tell the therapist and get help that way.

if theyre on a waiting list (or not receiving any help at all) they should tell their gp, and bc of the seriousness of EDs they will be seen faster

if theyre not ready to get treatment, you gotta gently but persistently encourage them to get professional help. in some situations, u might have to tell someone on their behalf, but i would say to avoid that or at least do it with open communication so they can still trust u after. denial is a Huge part of EDs, so u have to help them push past that

when they first start getting ed help, it will feel like therapists and doctors suddenly dont care about their mental well-being as long as theyre eating. if this is the case, they need to tell their therapist. hopefully their therapist listens, but if not then it could be an idea to carry on ed treatment w them, and see a different person abt the rest

recovery only really makes a difference when u stop fighting it. when u stop doing exercises in ur room, when u stop secretly tracking calories, when u stop only pretending to follow your therapy plan

supporting them

theyre gonna need u as a friend a lot in this time. if you can be someone they can depend on, thats the best thing. however, dont put their needs before ur own: u are just as important too

talk to them ! like when uve got depression, its easy to want to isolate urself. let me tell u, that gets u nowhere except miserable. just keep talking to them and stuff. sometimes its really important to be able to vent and talk out the big issues. other times its better to talk about light and unimportant things. i think this is the most important one

validate their struggles. this is v important because even tho u want to show them how life does get better, theyre going through genuine hell right now, so just pointing out that it gets better feels like ur ignoring how bad they have it

lead by example. do u struggle w body image? ya me too, but im working on it. work on it openly: promoting self love will help u both tremendously

here is a v good list of things to avoid

remember tht recovery is long hard and painful, but completely necessary. at the start of getting help, coping becomes really hard bc control gets taken away, and it seems like their entire life starts to revolve around food. it gets easier with time

recovery blogs r ur best friend!!!!!!!!! for both of u. they offer support and advice and constant insight into how u can be there for ppl, or urself. block thinspo blogs. they can rot. here are some good recovery blogs

find out what they like and dislike. and triggers. if they dont like people commenting on what they eat, always move the subject away from that if others start to talk. same w anything that makes them uncomfortable

encourage recovery. they will probably be constantly cold weak miserable and irrationally guilty, but recovery can change that. sometimes its important to remember just how bad being ill feels in order to keep choosing recovery (same goes for any mental illness)

things to remember (important for everyone to know, not just those supporting people)

an eating disorder is a mental illness, not a body type. any person of any shape can have an ED, they dont have to look a certain way for their struggles to be valid

an ED is a mental illness that affects the persons relationship w food. this means there are many different eating disorders, and none of them are more valid than another. not everyone restricts, not everyone purges, not everyone binges

some people develop food issues as a form of control: when everything else in your life is beyond you, its one thing people can control. until it begins to control them. this is why giving up control to start recovery can be so hard

for some people it’s body image issues. for some people its control (as said above). for some people its a way to self harm. for lots of people its any combination of the above

thats about all ive got right now, hopefully this is what you were after. if you dont feel confident in supporting them, keep asking people for advice. get your own chain of support (u cant support someone well unless u have people u can trust and confide in). follow recovery blogs. theyre honestly the best, and provide a better and more detailed insight than ive been able to. supporting people through things this huge is hard, and ur a good friend for trying.

its a learning process, and youll get better at it. thats why looking for other peoples advice is so important: it helps u improve. the first time i tried to help someone through an ED, i was 14 and with problems of my own, so i wasnt a good support at all, and i had no idea what to do. you’ll be better than i was (already seeking experienced advice shows this), and as long as you care youll be fine. your friend will be okay too, in time

#EDs //#ed recovery #support #mental illness //#food //#ask to tag #Anonymous

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consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis · 5 years ago

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30+ Simple to Surprising Suggestions That Won't Cure Celiac Disease

New blog post! One of the very first things my doctor told me after my celiac disease was this: "Right now, there is no celiac disease cure...you can only manage your symptoms by sticking to a strict gluten free diet." And yet, over six years after that moment, I still regularly bump into people who say that they "used" to have celiac disease.

Yeah. The phrase "used to" boggles my mind just as much as it does yours! But thinking about these "past" celiacs (as well as this awesome post from Carb Counting Mama about mythical "cures" for Type 1 Diabetes) got me curious. I found myself asking: what are some of the most common "cures" that are suggested to people with celiac disease like me? And, even better, what are some of the weirdest? So I scoured gluten free Facebook support groups, Reddit and Quora threads, and polled my own Insta followers...and here's what I came up with! Keep in mind...as I wrote above, there is presently NO celiac disease cure (though there are some cures being tested in various research studies). All the celiac disease "cures" are listed below solely for entertainment purposes, as well as in hopes that they will serve as a reminder to take other people's advice - especially about your health! - with a grain of salt.

Let's begin with three of the MOST common incorrect celiac disease "cures":

1. You need to go gluten free to heal the intestinal damage initially caused by celiac disease...but once your antibodies test at a "normal" level, you're cured and can eat whatever you want! Cue the booing audience soundtrack, because this is definitely very false! Yes, you will test negative for celiac disease and not show any intestinal damage after going gluten free, but that's only because you're not eating gluten. As soon as you start, all that damage will come back...and "once again", you will have celiac!

2. Now, let's discuss "cure" number two: keeping or adding a little gluten back into your diet so that your body can slowly become more tolerant of it. This is a practice called oral immunotherapy, and it's becoming a more common treatment for people with food allergies. You can also read here about how injectable immunotherapy may be helpful for people with celiac disease in the (likely far) future. However, it is important to keep in mind that celiac disease is NOT the same thing as a food allergy, and exposing someone with celiac disease to low doses of gluten will not "improve their tolerance" of it. 3. And finally, the infamous, "Oh, I bet you'll grow out of it!" Beep. Wrong answer! When you're diagnosed with celiac disease, you have it for life. But maybe the friends or coworkers talking about how their aunt or cousin magically "healed" their celiac disease credits a different technique.

You know...something a little more alternative-medicine-like.

Here are just a couple of real-life suggestions people have gotten on how to cure their celiac disease:

"Heal your gut." Yes, working on creating a happy gut by eating probiotic-rich foods, avoiding foods that mess with your body, etc. may help you feel better in the long run...but it won't let you just magically go back to eating Papa John's pizza.

Use a detoxing diet protocol or product line...and I'm not gonna name any names, but if you've ever been in a Facebook group related to eating gluten free, you've probably seen at least a few posts talking about the latest miracle pill or juice line.

Do a parasite cleanse.

Clear up the yeast infection that caused celiac disease in the first place. Now, there are studies linking yeast infections or fungal infections and celiac disease, and some even suggest yeast overgrowth could be the trigger to celiac disease or the reason why some people with celiac disease don't feel 100% even after going gluten free. But the only site I found saying clearing up a yeast infection "fixed" someone with celiac was selling a yeast cleanse product...and repeatedly used "celiac" and "gluten intolerance" to mean the same thing. Sooo...do with that what you will.

Try Chinese acupuncture to "reset" your immune system. People in the comments did report their seasonal allergies had improved via acupuncture...but from what I've seen, no celiacs have yet been cured via needles.

And now, drum roll please....we get to the food. Currently, eating gluten free is the only science-backed treatment for celiac disease...but that doesn't keep other people from suggesting different or even more restrictive diets.

Dietary Choices That Can "Cure" Celiac Disease:

Eating gluten from Europe, since its different processing protocols or ingredients make it "safe" for people with celiac disease. Unfortunately, wheat is wheat...and all wheat, gluten and barley are dangerous for people with celiac.

That you actually just need to avoid pesticides covering food, not the food itself. I'm pretty sure pesticide-free wheat will still hurt me. And so far, one of the only studies linking pesticides with celiac disease (in a causal relationship) was later said to have made conclusions "not supported by the available scientific evidence."

Only eating organic fruits and veggies and free-range meats. Which is basically just one form of a gluten free diet, which doesn't "cure" celiac disease but does treat the symptoms.

Guzzling bone broth.

Drinking celery juice on the daily.

Eating allll the bananas. At least this celiac disease cure has history, considering that doctors first treated people with celiac disease by prescribing a banana-only diet.

Eating a plant-based diet. You can certainly eat a plant-based and gluten free diet, and you may even find eating plant-based makes you feel healthier overall...but it won't let you eat gluten again if you have celiac disease.

Avoiding GMOs.

Only eating whole wheat versus refined flours. Because whole wheat is definitely what someone who can't tolerate gluten or wheat needs to heal? Yeah, I'm lost on this one.

This is when my research really started getting fun (in a twisted sort of way, I suppose). Because the more I searched, the more weeeeird celiac disease "cures" I discovered.

We'll start off pretty tame with just three "healthy living" hacks that are often suggested to pretty much anyone with a chronic illness.

Doing yoga. I can confirm that doing hot yoga regularly will not sweat out your inability to eat gluten.

Juicing. Unfortunately, I don't believe fruits and veggies can change our genes...

Drinking hot water every morning. Apparently, this is what everyone in Cambodia suggested one celiac traveler should try...

And then there are the countless things you can buy to "fix" your digestion, your mood and, of course, your autoimmune disease. Just to name a few examples, here are some marketable celiac disease "cures" many celiacs recall being pitched:

Essential oils...because what CAN'T essential oils do these days?!?

Probiotics. Taking probiotics has definitely transformed my gut health for the better, but there is a major limit to their "healing" powers.

Chinese medicine. Again...these cure everything, right?

Digestive enzymes. Possibly helpful when at risk for cross-contamination while eating out or if you have gluten intolerance. Not helpful for de-activating your celiac gene.

Activated charcoal. Sammmme as above.

And finally, the grand finale: a bunch of celiac disease cure suggestions that I saw on my computer screen and couldn't help but think:

"This is too weird to make up."

Get pregnant and your body will "magically" fix its celiac disease. Who knew we all just needed a bun in the oven to suddenly eat wheat?

Prayer. I know this is a touchy subject, and I don't include this "cure" in this grouping as an intentional attack on anyone who believes in the power of prayer. I agree that miracles can happen...but that it's also irresponsible to suggest that people with celiac disease can or should just pray about being able to eat gluten and still put their body in harm's way...

Meditating regularly and reducing stress. Definitely beneficial in helping you cope with the stress of having an autoimmune disease. But that's about it.

Exorcism?!? Yeah...I'll just leave that one here. (And note that the person who shared this story considers the wannabe celiac "exorcist" an ex-friend. Not surprising, I'd say!).

Thinking positively.

Communion wafers that are made with gluten. As the commenter put it, "I know God loves me, but God's gluten wafer definitely doesn't."

Going to a psychologist or therapist. Celiac disease CAN have a psychological impact on the people who have it, but it's not rooted in our minds.

Waving vials of wheat near your body to "desensitize" it to gluten. A mom heard this tip from her daughter's doctor. Safe to say, they soon found a new practitioner to visit.

What I Hope You Take Away From This Post

At the end of the day, I would be ecstatic if there was a celiac disease cure...not necessarily even for me to use, but as a great option for my children, should they inherit my celiac disease.

Right now, though, there is no cure for celiac disease - just eating gluten free to treat celiac's symptoms.

I know that fact can be hard to accept, especially if you're newly diagnosed or struggling with celiac-related issues right now.

But also know this: over six years after my celiac diagnosis, I can honestly say that I'm living pretty dang happily while eating gluten free. And you can too.

So if friends or coworkers do suggest a less-than-scientific way to magically "fix" your celiac disease, I hope you can laugh off their suggestions and be grateful for everything you still can do, even while living with celiac disease.

Has someone ever told you they "cured" their celiac disease or know someone who did? I'd love to hear your stories in the comments! via Blogger https://ift.tt/2HSKFOk

#Blogger #college #celiac #gluten free #coeliac #celiacs #paleo #primal #foodporn #foodart

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antiagingsol-blog · 7 years ago

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My Top 5 All-Natural Anti-Aging Secrets

We are all going to grow older. Only you can control how you will age. The following advice will help you learn how to keep your youth for the longest amount of time possible.

Having healthy relationship is vital to growing older healthy. Being involved in local community activities has been proven to increase both your health and your life span. In order to get the greatest benefit of your social interactions, you should focus on those which involve intimacy with people you can pour your heart out to.

Challenge your mind often to keep it healthy. Older people are wiser, so you should work on furthering your intelligence as you grow. Taking a course through your local college or filling out a crossword puzzle can exercise your mind, and make you feel great.

One of the keys to successful getting older is to always be willing to learn new things. It is important to always learn through life.

Step up your workout routine. As you get older, your body requires more time and energy to maintain its strength and flexibility. Walking every day for at least thirty minutes is a great way to start keeping your body healthy. Try adding in strength exercises about two times a week. This keeps your body healthy and fit, and helps you avoid other age related problems.

Wherever you are, bring your happiness with you. Making others smile will make you feel great. Being happy does not cost a thing, it is a priceless gift to others.

Life is an adventure; enjoy and explore! Set milestones for yourself, and when you reach them feel proud of yourself.

Keep only the positive people in your life. Research indicates that smiling and laughing results in fewer wrinkles thus keeping you looking younger. So you want to spend your time with friends that will make you smile and laugh, not ones that make you frown!

Hormone balance is of the utmost importance to all men and women as they age. Hormone imbalances can cause a slew of problems as we age. Depression, weight gain and insomnia are a few problems caused by out of whack hormones, and these can lead to additional medical problems. If you find yourself suffering from any of these symptoms, please see a doctor in order to find the best treatment to balance out your hormones, so the aging process is a much more pleasant experience.

Have a little fun! Now is the time in your life where you have freedom to do as you choose with the power and ability to make it happen. Fill your days with the people and things you love.

After you have retired you will have time to pick up those dear hobbies that you had to leave behind. Now that you finally have plenty of time to focus on yourself, it is important to renew your interest in the things you once enjoyed. These activities will keep your mind sharp, active, and interested in life.

Check your blood pressure often. There are many times no symptoms are present if you have high blood pressure, which is why it is often referred to as "the silent killer". As you age, it becomes more important to have your blood pressure checked on a regular basis, because your cardiovascular system can deteriorate over time. If you catch your blood pressure spiking, this allows you to address the issue immediately.

Smoking will prevent you from looking your best - so quit! Smoking contributes to wrinkles, especially around the mouth. It also makes you age faster and can put you in the grave before your time.

Be sure to improve your diet in general. This is a big step toward combating the growing older process. You need to eat fruits, vegetables, dairies, meats, and avoid fats, sodium or large amounts of refined sugar. You may also want to try cutting back on snacks and eating three moderate meals.

Visit your doctor annually and complete all the tests that he recommends. Being proactive about your health can be beneficial to you in the long run. Early detection of disease or cancer is important. By taking care of your problems now, you have a better chance of getting proper treatment.

Anti-oxidants are something you should take every day. If you do so, you will have less free radicals. Most antioxidants can be found in dark-colored veggies and fruits such as spinach, carrots, tomatoes, squash, blackberries and blueberries.

Get hip to injection therapy! This procedure is specifically designed for wrinkle treatment. Through this treatment, the muscles of the face are relaxed and wrinkles are reduced. This process is more appealing then surgery because it is safer. However, it is not necessarily a "one and done" treatment. Multiple treatments might be needed.

Give priority to getting to routine doctor visits for check-ups. Checkups allow your doctor to see how your vital signs are and identify any potential problems. It helps to identify problems early before they become serious. Every condition or disease can be treated more effectively when caught in the earliest stages.

Taking care of your skin is especially vital as you age. Young people need to constantly protect their skin from the harmful UV rays of the sun. Spending time exposed to the sun increases the speed at which wrinkles or even skin cancer develop.

Stress causes premature growing older, so stay stress-free as much as you possibly can. Exercise is also a great stress reliever, and working 20 minutes of it each day into your schedule can be a great relaxant and health tonic.

Eat foods with a lot of fiber to curb getting older effects. If you eat fibers, your digestive system will be free of toxins. Additionally, it helps to remove bad cholesterol, slow digestion and stabilize blood sugar. In short, fiber keeps your stomach and other parts of your digestive system healthy so that they work as efficiently as possible.

The ideas in the article should give you some great tips on slowing the aging process and feeling younger. Best of luck to you and stay young!

Read more interesting informations visit: anti aging solutions

hey everybody its Angie and welcome to hot and flashy today I'm going to share with you my top 5 all-natural anti-aging skincare secrets now this kind of a video with that kind of a title I feel like you are here because you're hoping to see some super all-natural magical thing that you've never heard of before that's going to erase all your lines and wrinkles all your age spots firm up your skin and make you look ten years younger I don't want to bait-and-switch you but since this is about all natural anti-aging secrets guess what they are all lifestyle changes so if you're not into making lifestyle changes you might be disappointed in what I have to say in this video but I want you to stick around and watch it anyway because I think that or at least I hope that you'll learn something from the video and you'll learn that lifestyle changes really can make a difference in how you look as you get older it's not that I'm afraid of Aging or you know there's anything wrong with aging obviously we can't avoid it it happens no matter what you do every second of your life the time is ticking away the point for me is to be the best I can be at every age to look as youthful as I can to be as healthy as I can so that as I do get older I can enjoy my life so I take my anti-aging very very seriously I'm also an equal-opportunity anti-ager which means that while I do live anti-aging in my lifestyle with the tips that I'm going to show you in today's video I also do other things some of the other things that I have done in the past are Botox fillers IPL treatments laser treatments I have never had any surgery whatsoever so I don't want you to be sitting there watching me wondering well issue full of Botox right now the answer is no is she full of filler right now the answer is no I'm going to be 54 next week in general I think that my skin looks pretty good for its age I think that it could also look a lot better for its age if I had started doing these five things that are going to tell you today when I was a lot younger and that of course leads me into my number one all natural anti-aging secret and that is to avoid UV radiation that is good old mr. sunshine I spent plenty of time in my youth baking in the Sun I don't do that anymore I stopped baking about 20 years ago now I'm not saying live in a cave obviously I lead an active life I bike I garden I paddleboard the point is to protect your skin while you're outside so I wear sunscreen every single day on every single part of my exposed skin it doesn't matter to me if it's winter or summer high noon or six o'clock in the evening if the Sun is out I have my sunscreen on and that's because the UVA rays are the invisible Agers that we didn't really know about until recently and they are the same strength at all times of the day and at all times of the year they come through clouds they come through windows so definitely apply sunscreen every day of an SPF 30 or higher now I've got a couple of natural ones that I wanted to show you today this one is one that I found in my recent roundup of all mineral sunscreens this is the my shell replenishing solar defense SPF 30 this is a great one it works really well under makeup this is burn out eco this is an SPF 35 also all mineral and then there are these think sports sunscreens this is a great brand all natural all mineral sunscreens Reap safe so if any of these sunscreens can help you to wear a sunscreen every day I highly recommend them if you want to see my sunscreen roundup video from this year I'm putting the links to all the associated videos in the information box below this video so just click that show more button that box will open up and you'll get to go over to those videos afterwards alright so the other thing that I do besides sunscreen I always have a hat with me so I want to show you a couple of my favorite hats this is an Eric Javits Fedora this has an SPF value of 50 this saved my skin on my recent trip to Spain where I was out there outdoors pretty much all day every day that with a cute pair of sunglasses and you're protecting your face and your eyes from the Sun so it's a great look it's very hip and youthful now sunglasses I definitely recommend for everyone because of course as you know our eyes are the first area of our face that start to show aging so sunglasses can go a long way to protecting the skin around your eyes so putting on a nice big pair of sunglasses whether it's you know a spending pair of Tory Burch aviators like these or an inexpensive $9 pair of sunglasses from Target these have 100% UV protection so wearing sunglasses every time you're out in the Sun prevents squinting it reduces crow's feet and it also protects against cataracts so you can anti-age your eyes on the inside as well tip number two is to sleep on your back with your head elevated now this is probably going going to be one of the more difficult things to accomplish if you're a side sleeper but I can tell you it will change your skin for the better I used to be a side sleeper I would wake up in the morning look in my bathroom mirror and I would have this v of wrinkles edged into my chest and that was over four years ago my wrinkles should be worse because I've aged but look I don't have any chest wrinkles and the reason is that I switched from sleeping on my side to sleeping on my back the clincher to have me do it was that I was visiting my dermatologist one day and she actually said oh you sleep on this side of your face don't you and I was like what how can you tell and she was like well your wrinkles on this side are way deeper than they are on this side and I was like oh my god you could tell just by looking at me it took me around 3 to 6 months to finally train myself fully to sleep on my back but now that I've done it I am so glad I did and when I look at it over the long term like I'm planning on living probably another 40 years or so with any luck three months is a drop in the bucket compared to 40 years of comfortable back sleeping but I ended up buying a sleeping wedge and this is like one of the best things that I ever bought I picked this up on Amazon it's just like a big wedge of foam it has this nice bamboo cover that comes off and I can wash it but I put my pillows on top of that and I sleep actually kind of with my upper body elevated and that really helped to train me to sleep on my back I sleep better because my hips don't hurt I'm not tossing and turning and when I wake up I don't have pain in my shoulders like I used to the other thing is that sleeping with your head elevated will help with dark circles and puffiness and eye bags because those three things are mainly caused by fluid pooling under your eyes while you sleep who knew and so sleeping with your head elevated actually helps those to drain out of your face and so it keeps your eye area looking younger longer and who doesn't want that tip number three is to feed your skin from the inside as it turns out what we eat directly affects how our skin looks and how our skin ages some foods actually help our skin to age slower and look better and some foods speed up the aging process oh my gosh and of course don't you know it's the things that we love the most that speed up the aging process so the foods to avoid are refined sugars unfortunately refined sugars promote glycation which damages cells and causes wrinkles alcohol is pro-inflammatory and it speeds up the aging process of course you've probably also heard those recent studies where resveratrol and ingredients in red wine actually help to slow the aging process so if you're going to have that glass of red wine every day to help with your heart and your aging then go ahead and do that just everything in moderation I love sugar I can't cut it out of my diet completely but I have cut way back on the amount of refined sugar that I'm eating so onto the foods that actually help us look younger antioxidant and vitamin rich foods that can protect your cells from free radical damage those are things like raw almonds dark chocolate so there you can get some sweets in there but without a lot of refined sugar blueberries blackberries strawberries dark berries green tea actually any tea all the teas have polyphenols and antioxidants and dark leafy green vegetables like kale and spinach now the other foods that I eat a of our salmon and fishes that contain healthy fats and omega-3 fatty acids and omega-6 fatty acids those fats work inside the cells to help protect the moisture barrier and so of course I have a video on what I eat in a day I've actually done two of them and I'm due for an update and the link for that will be in the information box below the video as well so you can see how I've worked all of these things into my diet tip number four is to nourish skin from the outside so just like I talked about nourishing skin from the inside with vitamins and antioxidants you can do that from the outside as well so while your skin's main function is to keep things out it is a little bit absorb and things do make it in there and some of the things that are the best and absorbing into your skin and making a change our vitamins and antioxidants my number one vitamin to use on my skin is vitamin A now I use a prescription vitamin A you've heard of this is called retin-a or this is the generic tretinoin that I get I can't say that this is 100% all-natural I'm not sure if it is so if you don't want to use a prescription retinoid you don't have to but you should definitely use some kind of vitamin A and vitamin A fortunately comes in all different forms obviously the other forms are not going to be as strong as this they're not going to work as well or as fast but they will work over time one great source of vitamin A is rosehip seed oil it's 100% natural you can get yourself some rosehip seed oil put that on your face your neck your chest there's also over-the-counter retinol creams I don't have a hundred percent natural one to recommend to you but one that I really do like a lot is this CeraVe skin renewing cream serum and what vitamin A does is it works at the cellular level to help your skin to generate more collagen and it helps to reduce wrinkles another vitamin that I love for topical skincare is vitamin C vitamin C is a very potent antioxidant it helps to scavenge free radicals that go around breaking down the scaffolding that holds our skin up it helps to brighten our skin on the surface and to reduce the appearance of age spots the one that I use in love and I believe this is all natural this is made in the US this is by timeless skincare it's their twenty percent C plus E Plus Peru liqu acid serum and this is a great way to get vitamin C into your skin it will absorb right in so it really works well the other vitamins that I look for our vitamin b3 which is niacinamide that's another antioxidant that is showing really great things that it does for skin it can reduce your pores it can reduce wrinkles it can brighten the skin it helps with skin cell turnover so that's wonderful a product that is all-natural that I like very much that contains niacinamide is the mad hippie face cream this has so much good stuff packed into it I love this stuff I brought the box over just so I could read you a couple of the ingredients so it's got the niacinamide it's got Matrixyl 3000 it's got argan oil it's got green tea extract it's got grapeseed extract it's got resveratrol acai berry vitamin E coenzyme q10 coconut oil I mean it is just packed with so much great stuff this is a great product especially if you are into all natural skin care products and all natural anti-ager number 5 is the one you guys have probably probably been dreading hearing but it is exercise exercise really is an anti-ager it helps your skin to produce more antioxidants to fight those free radicals it also helps with blood flow so as you exercise you know how your skin gets flushed that is the blood rushing to the surface of your skin and that helps to bring more of those nutrients in your diet to your skin to deliver those things to the skin cells where it's needed it also helps to flush out toxins and free radicals so increasing blood flow is really great for you especially as you get older now there wasn't really any clinical evidence of this before it was all kind of anecdotal but there was a study done that I just stumbled upon that they actually took a small group of people who were over 65 they were sedentary people and they took a little biopsy of their skin they examined that under a microscope and they found that their skin pretty much looked like the standard old person's skin where the stratum corneum the top layer was thickened and that's kind of what makes the skin look dull and more wrinkled and that the dermis the inner layers were thinner which also makes your skin look older so they took this group of people and they had them start exercising two times a week for 30 minutes after three months of that they went back took another biopsy of their skin and guess what their skin resembled the skin of a twenty to thirty year old so their stratum corneum had thinned and their dermis had thickened and so the guy that did the research was like I I don't want to say that exercise is the Fountain of Youth but you know I kind of think it is so when I saw that I was like yes I knew exercise made me feel better and I had this sense that it helped me to look better but there was no confirmation before and now that I've seen this study I'm like yes these are things that you can start doing at any age and they will have an effect on your skin of course if you started them in your 20s that would be better but what you'll find out is that research has shown that you are never too old to start doing these things if you start even when you're in your 60s it can still improve the look of your skin and your skin is such an amazing organ that you can turn back the hands of time on it even though you're getting older so those were my top five all natural anti-aging secrets so thanks for tuning in today everybody I really appreciate your time and I'll see you in the next video so take care bye

#anti aging cream #anti aging #best anti aging products

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