#and like yeah friends and my friends are everything to me but its been years since anyone has like
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
have you ever been in love? - choi seungcheol
warnings: none
pairings: choi seungcheol x reader
genre: friends to ???
wc: 900
check out my masterlist!
"have you ever been in love?" you ask, your eyes still fixated on the carefree clouds drifting lazily through the night sky, illuminated by the city lights.
seungcheol chuckles softly, the sound getting caught in the cool breeze that surrounds you both. he takes another sip of his beer, masking the way his heart races. how much more obvious could he be? are you really that oblivious?
"i suppose i have," he answers, his voice steady and calm even as his eyes can't help but trace the outline of your face, the way your features soften in the moonlight.
"what's it like?" you turn your head slightly, curiosity written in your expression. he's not sure how he should feel about your question.
seungcheol pauses, thinking about the feeling he’s harbored for you for so long. "it’s... terrifying and exhilarating at the same time," he says, a wistful smile playing at his lips. "it feels like wanting to be someone's everything, wanting to make them smile even when the world feels too heavy for myself. it’s being so scared of losing them that it’s all you think about. but at the same time, it makes everything brighter. love changes the way you see things, you know?"
you take a moment to process his words, letting them sink in, before you say quietly, “i guess..i dont know.”
“have you ever been in love?” he asks carefully, its a past tense question so it shouldnt hurt….right?
"i'm...not sure if i’ve ever been in love before.. but lately, i’ve started feeling things i’ve never felt before, and i wonder if it’s love. that's why im asking you.”
seungcheol’s heart stops, breaking a little at the thought of you loving someone else. his voice comes out smaller, almost vulnerable. "does what you’re feelin…m-match what i said?"
you think for a moment and then nod slowly. "yeah," you admit, a soft blush spreading across your cheeks.
his breath catches & he feels his stomach churning. this isn't a past tense situation, this is present tense, NOW. "who is it?" he asks as his voice trembles. the 4 years he's spent pinning over you seems to have made him timid tonight, he's not usually like this, but still, he braces himself for an answer that he knows will shatter him.
you hesitate, your eyes finding his, sparkling with adoration. "you," you whisper, your voice firm with sincerity.
seungcheol’s eyes widen, and for a moment, the world stills. and then, without thinking, he’s reaching for you, the biggest smile breaking out on his face. "me?" he repeats, as if he can’t quite believe it.
you nod, "you...you like me too right?"
"like?" seungcheol laughs, finding humour in your choice of words, his laugh holds a hint of disbelief, his eyes crinkling with pure joy. "like?" he repeats, his voice still colored with amusement. "i don't just like you," he confesses, his voice growing softer, more sincere. "i've been completely, ridiculously in love with you."
you feel your heart skip a beat, disbelief and hope swirling in your chest. "really?" you whisper, your voice small, almost afraid that this moment could shatter like a delicate glass figurine.
his gaze softens as he reaches for your hand, his warm fingers intertwining with yours. "really," he says, his thumb brushing over your knuckles.
"did you really not notice?" he asks, "i almost started to think you knew but just didnt have the heart to reject me."
your cheeks flushes as you think about all the little moments you'd noticed—the small ways he always seemed to look out for you, the way he'd remember the tiniest details about your life, and how his eyes would light up every time you entered a room. "i just... i always thought it was wishful thinking...like the time you carried extra snacks just because you knew i'd forget to eat, or when you'd always find an excuse to walk me home, even when you lived in the opposite direction. or how you’d get so quiet and protective whenever you thought someone was being unfair to me."
seungcheol's eyes widen with a mix of surprise and endearment, a fond smile spreading across his lips. "so you noticed all that?" he asks, his voice warm with a hint of embarrassment.
"i did," you say, a shy smile tugging at your lips. "but it just seemed too good to be true."
he pulls you a little closer, his eyes searching yours, filled with a mixture of adoration and relief. "it wasn’t too good to be true," he whispers, and then, with the most tender of touches, he leans in.
when his lips meet yours, it's everything and more. it's gentle, sweet, and filled with all the love that has been building between you two, unspoken but always there, waiting for the right moment.
when you finally pull away, you're both breathless, cheeks flushed. seungcheol's smile is still there, brighter than ever.
#seventeen#seventeen imagine#seventeen fluff#svt#svt fluff#svt x reader#svt angst#fanfic#seventeen x reader#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol seventeen#choi seungcheol seventeen#seventeen seungcheol#seventeen choi seungcheol#choi seungcheol x reader#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol angst#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol imagine#choi seungcheol fluff#choi seungcheol angst#choi seungcheol fanfic#choi seungcheol imagine#scoups#scoups seventeen#seventeen scoups#scoups x reader#scoups fluff#scoups angst#scoups imagine
205 notes
·
View notes
Text
"15 minutes?" "15 minutes" ~ Luke castellan
Trigger warnings : nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's just pure fluff. And also a teeny tiny bit of angst if you squint. Also 'crystal' is lukes nickname for you.
Inspired by 'Abhi na jao chod kar'
You'd seen the way Luke seemed off for the past few days, yet whenever you went to ask him what was wrong, he'd smile and say that everything was fine.
But today, today was a lot worse and you could tell. He kept zoning out from time to time. During conversations with you, or training some random camper, even during lunch. But you knew that if you asked, he wouldn’t tell you anything. So you decided to wait until next morning. If he decided to tell you what was bothering him, well and good. If not, you're grilling it out of him.
But luckily the ‘grilling it outta him’ part wasn’t necessary. Since while you were sitting at the campfire, talking with a few of your friends, you saw Luke walking in the direction of his cabin. He noticed you looking at him, and with a cock of his head you were walking beside him to the roof of Cabin 11.
None of you said anything for a few moments even after both of you were comfortable on the hard wooden roof. “You wanna say something” Luke said first.
“Somethings on your mind, and its bugging you a lot isn’t it?” You replied.
“No” Luke lied straight through his teeth, making you look at him unimpressed. “Okay yeah fine.”
“Out with it, come on”
“It's nothing. Really. It'll pass”
“I'm sure it will. In the meantime though…”
“I don’t wanna bothe-“
“If you say you don’t wanna bother me with this, I will personally push you off this roof. So spill”
“You're mean. Why am I dating you again?”
“Because im amazing. And don’t try to distract me”
Luke let out a sigh when he realized you weren’t gonna let this go. He looked out at the camp, well the part of it he could see from the point of view on the roof. The campers around the campfire, laughing along, while the Apollo cabin lead a song.
“Ive been having this dream…” he started. “same dream for like, maybe the past 4? 5 days? Every night, same thing. Im…standing on this…beach…” he paused, seemingly trying to remember the exact details of his dream as if it wasn’t the only thing he had been thinking about all day.
“I'm sitting on the sand. You're in the water. Along with Chris, Travis, Connor…all of my siblings….Annabeth's there too. And Percy. Basically everyone important to me at camp.” He continued, making you hum in response.
He takes a deep breath and continues “but then, theres this huge wave, and, everyones gone. So I start shouting your names, looking for all of you, and I keep hearing your voice, screaming for help. All garbled like you're underwater or something. But I never manage to find you… so I keep looking and I find that” He points to the thin bracelet you were wearing he had got you, excuse me stole for you, once you mentioned you liked bracelets. “Just that. Nothing else. No one else”
You knew that Annabeth was one of the most important person to Luke in the whole world, probably even more than you. And no matter how much he acted like he hated his pigs of siblings, he had a huge soft spot for them as well. And Percy, the little boy was like a brother to him. Luke saw himself in Percy, and to him he mattered a lot.
So you weren’t surprised that Luke was afraid of missing the family he had built for himself. “I mean, I know something like this will never happen. But the way we live? It could.” he said after a while, “What if I lose everything?”
“You’re not going to lose everything Luke.” You say, trying to make him believe it. Hey, no ones perfect. Not everyones good at comforting people.
“It certainly feels like I might. What if I just wake up one day, and everyones gone. Im back to how I was at 12 years old. No chris, no Annabeth, no percy, no you. What happens then?”
“You know what the chances are that all three of them leave at the same time? Extremely low. Like maybe 5%. And even if it does, I know that those three are annoying enough that they’ll come back to haunt you and tease you about the extremely dumb decisions you make through the day.”
“Are you trying to make me laugh so that ill stop thinking about this?”
“Im trying, yes. Luke, what WILL you do, if something happened to Annabeth, or chris, or percy?” you asked him.
“I-I don’t know. I wouldn’t like it much to be very honest.”
“No one would. But you see, if something did happen, you'd go on with your life. A little boring maybe. But you'll live. That’s how life works. People come and people go and you try your best to make it out.”
“That sounds an awful lot like something a fortune cookie would say.”
“Im trying ok? I know you're scared Luke. That one day everything you're trying to protect will be taken away from you. But you have to know, that honestly all of them are strong enough to fight their way through Tartarus. And you're always gonna have them. Whenever you need them.”
“What about you? What if I don’t always have you?”
“OH no. You're not getting rid of me that easy. Even deaths not getting you out of this relationship.”
“Don’t say it like that.”
“What? Look you're always gonna have me. Ill even haunt you after I die if you want. Ok?”
“How about you don’t die. Huh? Can you do that for me?” he looked at you half with humor and half you wouldn’t wanna call fear.
“sure. I'll try.”“But what if-“
“You have me. No matter what. Im not going anywhere. You're not alone. And you never will be. Ok?” you reassured him.You're only half sure he believed you, but at least he acted like he did.
“I have you.” He mumbled.
“And you always will. Well unless you want me out of the room. Which lets be honest I wouldn’t leave, probably just to annoy you.” You joked causing him to grin for real, for the first time in days. “Oh thank the gods. I was starting to get scared you'd forgotten how to do that”
“Very funny.” He rolled his eyes good heartedly. Yet he took your hand, which was resting on the wooden roof beside you in his, and held it tightly.
“But in all honesty Princey, you're perfectly capable of fighting through everything alone. You're strong. Not that you're ever gonna need to fight alone. If its not me, its gonna be someone else sitting here.” You said after a few minutes.
“Nah.” Luke said suddenly. “Nope. Its always gonna be you. Nuh uh. Theres not gonna be anyone else sitting here.”
You chuckled, “I said if not when. If by some impossible ungodly chance. I'm not leaving. Not without annoying the heck outta you anyways.”
“You're not that annoying.” Luke said with a touch of humor in his voice.
“Oh really?” you got up in his face, “Really? Really? Dam im gonna have to try harder then” you flick his nose with your free hand.
“Ow.” He rubbed his rubbed his nose without any real pain his voice, “I take back what I said. You're really annoying.”
“No no no no” you waved your finger in front of him, “You said it already, no take backs. Congratutatulations Mr. Castellan, You're stuck with me for life now, since you're the only one who thinks im not annoying. So I have made it my life mission to annoy you to death.”
Luke burst out laughing when you said ‘congratutatulations’. “Congratutatulations? What?” he said in between laughs.
You chuckled along with him, proud of yourself for making him laugh, “Yea. Remember that cake I brought you, when you were made head counsellor?”
Luke thought back for a moment, “That had congratulations written on it?” He started but was confused when you shook your head, “What?”
“It had congratutatulations written on it. You're dyslexic, you couldn’t tell.”
“That’s why you were laughing your butt off?!”
“Yes. Gods I felt so bad for the poor baker that day. He looked so tired, maybe he was dyslexic too. Either way, he was running on 5 cups of coffee so I couldn’t blame the poor guy.”
“How nice of you to do that.”
“Yes yes. Im very nice.”
“Sure honey whatever you say.”
“Hey!” you exclaimed when he started snickering. You looked down at the campfire, seeing how campers were starting to go back to their cabins, “We should get going, no?”
“No.” Luke held on to your hand a little tighter, making you look at him, “You siblings can handle themselves for one night.”
“No I know that. Im more worried about your cabin.” You countered.
“I told Chris to tuck everyone in.”
“Yes, I'm sure the Stolls are gonna listen to him.” You looked at him, unimpressed.
“They wont, but I couldn’t care less. Im staying. Don’t go?” he looked you straight in the eyes.
You huff out a breath, “fine.” Causing Luke to smile, “Its 9. Stay till 10. Then I'll let you go back to the cabin. I promise.” He said and you scooted closer to him, leading him to wrap an arm around you shoulder, bringing you in front of him.
So now, here you were, sitting between Luke’s legs, your back against his chest, while he explained why he was better than fish in all aspects.
“No. im serious. I even have a better breathing rate than fish.”
“How do you know you have better breathing rate than fish?” you asked him.
“Isn’t that what you said once? Or was it Annabeth? That there’s less oxygen in water so fish have to breath a lot more times than we do?” he asked, confused.
“I don’t remember who told you that.”
“Yes. But its true.”
“Alright fine. You're better than fish in one aspect. What about everything else?”
“I look better than fish. I mean, okay they're all colourful and stuff. But seriously. I look better, right?” he looked down and saw you dozing off, “Crystal?”
“Im awake.” You woke up and looked at him.
“Yea, you are. Stay awake. I cant sleep.” He argued.
“You're the worst. What time is it?” You turned Luke’s wrist so you could look at the time on his watch, “Its 10.” You said after you saw the time.
“Till 11?” He asked sheepishly.
“Lu-” you started, but he interrupted you, “You just came here. A little bit longer.” He said in the voice, you couldn’t say no too, so you relented, getting comfortable in your spot again.
You leaned back a little bit more, wrapping Lukes arms around you a little bit tighter when the cool breeze started getting to you.
“You smell nice. New perfume?” Luke asked suddenly. But when you shook your head, he thought back and realized it was one of your old perfume, “Nah nevermind, you’ve used this before.” And you chuckled when he remembered.
“What?” You asked when you noticed him looking at you, the same way he knew would make you weak in the knees. How did he know all your weaknesses?
“What?” he asked in return, “I can look at you. Its not a crime to look at something that’s beautiful.”
“Oh ok. Now I know you're getting tired.” You giggled sleepily.
“Huh?” Luke thought for a few moments in silence. “Hey crystal?” he asked, making you hum in answer. “What makes humans…..humans?”
“Very philosophical. But um….love I guess. Everything is always about love. And when its not. Its about the absence of love.”
“So you…you make me human.” He realized.
“I don’t make you a human. You were a human long before you met me”
“Yes, but when I'm with you, I'm not just surviving. I'm living.”
“Luke?”
“Yes darling?”
“Did you read my book annotations again?”
“NO. I remember things you know?”
“OK cool.”
At this point, you were so tired that even the slightest things were making you giggle.
“She'd laughed. And if he could have bottled the sound up and gotten drunk on it, he would have” he whispered in your ear.
“Are you quoting Kaz Brekker to me?” you asked turning to your side to face him.
“I told you. I remember things. Tell me about your day.”
“I already told you.”
“No. you told me, that you woke up late. Missed breakfast. Got to lunch first. Gobbled everything up. Had archery. 10 bulls eyes outta 12 shots. Then you got to dinner after cleaning the archery range up. Gobbled everything up. Then you went to the bon fire.”
“Yea that’s everything.”
“You really cant expect me to believe that nothing interesting happened all day.”
“Nothing happened. It was a boring day.”
“Nothing happened with you friends? What about the one…um… Rihhana? Something was going on in her life right?”
“Oh yea. Completely forgot about that. You know how she likes Aaron from cabin 6?”
“Mhm”
“Yea so. This girls really a genius. She's been ignoring him for the past few weeks, like shes been trying to get over him. But you know? His ego is crrrrrushed” you rolled the r and laughed. “I love it. I mean he doesn’t deserve her you know?”
“You think no guy deserves your friends.”
“Of course I do. They are literal works of art. They deserve better.”
“Of course.”
“I saw the look on Aarons face when she didn’t even look at him. Boy was devastated. It was hilarious.”
Luke saw your face light up with energy whenever you spilled all the juicy details about whatever was going on at camp.
Sleep long forgotten as you started telling him the whole story about Rihhana and Aaron.Which took around an hour, which meant enough time for you to recharge and forget the fact that you were falling asleep some time ago.
When you finished your daily updates and Luke was done listening attentively and laughing whenever you took to looking back out at the lake.
“Hey crystal?” He tried grabbing your attention, which lead to you humming in response. “Don’t go. Not yet.”
“I'm not going anywhere. But if the harpies eat me alive im gonna make them eat you too. Okay?”
“Okay”
“Oh fault in our stars.”
“No no no no. absolutely not. Were not doing that. Nope nope nope.”
The way he was suddenly panicky over a little books name made you laugh.
“I swear to the gods, I hope no one ever asks me what my favourite sound is.” Luke said after you were done laughing.
You look at him confused, “why? I don’t think describing the waves in the sea is that hard.”
“NO no. see that’s my second favourite sound. If someone asks me what my favourite sound is, how am I supposed to explain your laugh? Huh? A horse that swallowed a bug? A car engine that won't start? The sound someone makes when they eat something spicy?” He rambled on.
“Ok while I'm extremely flattered that my laugh is your favourite sound in the world. Im going to kill you for calling my laugh all of those things.” You turned and glared at him. And the audacity of this man to laugh. Ugh! As if. So you slapped him on the back of his head. Simple.
“Luke whats the time?” You asked him when h ewas finally done laughing, to which he replied that the time was 11 30. “Im sorry the time is what?”
“11:30?” he answered, “you know, every twelve hours when its eleven, theres also a time, mostly after 30 minutes, and that time is called 11:30.” He got slapped on the back of his head again.
“Luke we gotta get back, someone is definitely gonna snitch on us.” You tilted your head up to look at him.
“You say it like we don’t have dirt on everyone who might snitch on us.”
“You make it sound like we’re manipulative people.”
“OK yea, maybe not that. But everyone is probably asleep by now. Stay. Please. I like spending time with you.”
“You always do this.”
“What?”
“That. You say ‘please’ like that. And then I don’t feel like going back.”
“I don’t necessarily see the problem here. I like having you with me.”
“Yes but have you maybe realized that I need my beauty sleep.”
“You cant go.”
“Why not?”
“Because you love me way too much and you would break my heart if you leave” he said dramatically.
“ha ha. Very funny”
“No im serious. I just…its not enough. Let me have you till my hearts content.”
“It's never content.”
He kissed your cheek trying to make you stay. Whenever you opened your mouth to give a good reason why you should leave, he would kiss your cheek making every reason die out. Which lead to him kissing your cheek about 15 times before you relented and got comfortable again.
“15 minutes?”
"15 minutes.”
I don’t think its necessary to say that you guys stayed there way past 15 minutes. You guys stayed on the roof until the sky was getting lighter, at which point Luke suggested you guys go back to your cabin so he wouldn’t have to face the teasing looks he got from his siblings.
#luke castellan#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan x you#luke castellan fluff#luke castellan fanfiction#pjo luke#i love him so much#i love him#my writing#luke castellan oneshot#creative writing#percyjackson#annabeth chase#connor stoll#travis stoll#chris rodriguez
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Have you ever seen [Barkov] fall? Has he ever fallen? He's never fallen his entire career!" "Uh—It's, uh, funny and I don't know if he'll care that I say this, but he's got those—he doesn't like the blades that you can snap in and out quickly. So when he needs to get his skates done in the middle of a game, he's gotta fully take off his skates, get 'em sharpened and retie them up—which is like one of the few guys in the league, I think, that still do that. So sometimes he'll have absolutely no edge, and he'll just find a way to, like, compensate and get through it—which is incredible." "That kind-of sucks though 'cuz that's like a bad dream to have. You're waiting on something else, like—even if the trainers just like snapped it back in or whatever, like maybe they had something different they can put in there. He probably wouldn't even know!" "[...] this guy's particular. He knows his game and he's goddamn good at it! And we don't say a word so!" "'Barky, we need you out there for the face off! There's two seconds left!'" "That's what I mean! He'll compensate and he'll still look better than all of us! Like if any of us had no edge like that, we'd be screwed, right? And he goes out there and does the Barky things that he does. We're all grateful for it! He's been getting me paid for 10 years now, so."
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.30.24 (x)
loving my captain face... absolutely smitten with the man hes spent a decade with despite still not being invited to his house... thats love babey oh hes absolutely swinging and kicking his feet
THE LITTLE SMILE HE MAKES AFTER HE GOES "hes been getting me paid for 10 years now so 😃"
#aaron ekblad#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#“one of the few guys in the league that still do that” the way i blurted out SIBNEY like i was on jeopardy and i if i didnt buzz in id die#everything leads back to him...#the amount of shifts hes missed because of his skates lmao and it just gets more egregious as time passes on#because everyones switched to interchangeable blades so yeah old man i love ya but this season i did go AGAIN. AGAIN?? AFUCKINGGAIN???#anyways congrats to these 2 princesses refusing to change with the times#may their indomitable presence forever remain untouched by father clock#ekky praising sasha. fork found in kitchen#sasha being “particular” oh im sure he is have you seen him#everytime the finns bring up his anything relating to his intense hockeyisms...#yeah particular is a word for it#not to use my friends codeword but is he you know a virgo#“he goes out there and does the barky things that he does” to be so in love with sasha its a beautiful thing#“hes been getting me paid for 10 years now so” OH SHUT IT YOU#YOU ARE ALSO GOOD AT HOCKEY I DONT WANNA FUCKIN HEAR IT RN#ekkys face in a permanent half smirk talking about sasha...okay#bless whatever these two have#to many more years and counting 🍻 (bill zito i will hunt you for sport if you dont extend this man this season)
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
an edek themed collage 🪲
#not me posting this just to have an excuse to talk about him more aaahahhhah#i've created edek approx 4 years ago and since then he went through little to no design changes#he is jus flawless. perfect#his personality however.. oof#i mean !!! he's not a bad guy#as i mentioned before he's very friendly and open to new people and opportunities#its just. he was based on my (now) ex best friend#me and that friend were close during primary school and despite me moving cities we managed to keep this friendship going#but you know. it wasnt the same. it became long distance#and i think i manifested my longing by creating an oc that was based on his aesthetics and personality#it took me some time to realise that i've been viewing this friend through lens of this oc. that of course lead to idealisation#because he wasn't physically there with me i created an imaginary version of him in my head#it was also because at this point we were getting older and slowly growing apart#and i think i wanted to grasp a little part of him that would still understand me#edek's relationship with ryba was also heavily influenced by this relationship#and. well. the things that my ex friend and edek have in common are short temper (despite acting chill) and trouble showing affection#he also tends to say things faster than he can even think them through#oh and he enjoys long walks through the woods and mountain hiking and bicycling and bugs and mushrooms and. yeah#and the other traits!!!!#he is suuuuuuper protective of his loved ones especially his younger sister irenka#his interest include everything thats fantasy and with folklore themes#hes also a stoner lol#aaand a funfact - he and zbyszek (of dycha za zbycha!!!!) used to be friends in childhood but they aren't friends as of now#why you might ask? from edek's pov zbyszek and his family just randomly disappeared#and edek was the only one that wasn't in on the fact that they have moved to the usa#edek wondered why his best friend at that time didn't tell him such important news#and often thought that there mustve been something wrong with him or zbyszek didn't actually like him that much#this incident heeeavily influenced his perception of relationships in the future#OH AND ALSOO hes an artist he graduated art hs with a degree in graphic design and is in college for the same thing#original character
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
x
#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#ah yes. my old friend: getting nothing done all day bc im too paralyzed to attempt to read anything#thanks. i hate it here#today felt like i was trapped in october of last year. which was disorienting#bc it was cold ang gloomy out and i just kept listening to doomsday by lizzy mcalpine#itll get better once im back in the habit of things. at least that's what im telling myself. just expect me#to complain a lot bc im back in the torture machine. by which i mean life as a grad student#evolution prof: u should be reading at least 20 papers per week. and shes right but also what if i just lay on the floor and expire#what then? oh hey u use text to speech on papers? that must b super helpful! yeah sure it takes 2 broken things:#my ability to not process audio and not understand text in order to try to put me on a normal reading level.#except that it still fucking sucks and i hate everything.#and it doesnt even fuckibg matter for this class bc shes giving us pdf scans that are image based not text based#so i cant even use text to speech. which is ya kno. real fucking cool. welp. its been real#goodbye to any sort of notion that i appear to kno what im doing. or that i can read anything#oh god. why tf did i decide it was a good idea to come back?#dread! paralyzing dread! oh how ive missed u#unrelated
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
so i was thinking about shigegou again [794 dead, 93829 injured]
#taylor.txt#remember like a month ago when i said id update entanglement tomorrow#in my defence i thought the chapter was finished by i actually just never wrote the ending. and for a reason. im still stumped#anyway ive been really into gf and its been good for me to take a break from pokemon but once i get into the swing of the school year i’ll#get back to it im just you know. drowning in new job anxiety and everything#also idk if i ever mentioned my ongoing cockroach infestation but thats been a thing for most of the year and yeah#this weekend im taking myself snd my cat to a friends place so that they can treat my whole unit again#im so desensitized at this point but i think theyve been really sapping my energy just like. in general will to live and exist kinds of ways#im like the spongebob meme of the guy looking at the toilet like oh thats blank. every day. with cockroaches#this has nothing to do with shigegou but if anyone has the right to clog the tag with life musings its me i think#haha just kidding. theyre so allergic to feelings in all my fics it took them like 100k words to kiss
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am going to complain here where no one will see it bcos i have like 5 followers
#i really want someone to express any kind of romantic interest in me or even just attraction at this point tbh#i need to feel like i exist and have some kind of worth to another person#and like yeah friends and my friends are everything to me but its been years since anyone has like#wanted to be close to me. or expressed a desire for me. which is cringe as fuck to say but ive always been so self conscious#and like reviled for my body. how i behave. everything#i just want to feel like im allowed to have the same experience as other ppl that someone out there truly truly wants me#that to them i am like beautiful and epic and awesome or watever#but also i dont want any of this to happen because i think i have some kind of unresolved issues with intimacy due to past mistreatment#and its extremely easy for me to become scared and standoffish if someone tries to come onto me too quickly#cool. awesome. its so dark in here
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
tired of being called inconsiderate and rude the second I say something thats not exactly in a nice tone when my brain is working 3× more to be considerate of everyone and everything else 99% of the time.
#i feel like im actually going insane#my own sister backs up her husband (who i now see in a different light ((negative)) over me#and I was understanding at first. fine. maybe I do need to pick up after myself more maybe i am messy#and my friends and family even told me that because theyve brought it up so many times now maybe i am the problem and thats okay#so i. like yeah. okay i take up too much space. i'll step back. i stay out more. i'll clean my dishes right after i use them#i already do all that#and then today she DOES IT AGAIN!! and i broke down cause she basically said this is the last warning#you need to start looking for a new place (ive been saving up PENNIES for years. it'll take 3 full months of salary to even rent a ROOM)#it took me even longer cause i was unemployed for 6 months and had to use EVERYTHING I HAD SAVED#and i gave up. im back at home and i gave in. i took a video of my room and the living room and asked my friend#is there really anything else i have to do because i am TIRED AND I CANT SEE WHATS WRONG AND WHATS MESSY PLEASE#because fuck i feel like im actually INSANE cause the way my sister has been wording it to me its like im so messy#and my friend just replies..... i am so sorry for ever being on your sisters side because you are not messy at all#and the RELIEF i felt. the weight off my shoulders LIFTED OFF INSTANTLY#IM NOT CRAZY!!! IM NOT MESSY!! IM HUMAN AND NORMAL#im just so upset right now cause it just dawned on me that.... not a single person in my famiy has my back the way i have theirs#not even my own sister.... and im tired.#personal
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Lie Awake
A TMNT 2012 Casey and Raph ficlet [AO3]
word count: 1,191
just a small drabble focusing on Casey and his view of their relationship. I didn't write this as a ship fic, but I do ship them so you can interpret it as platonic or romantic
Casey hates people seeing him as weak. He wears every cut, bruise and mark like a medal, a badge of honour for a hockey game well played or a fight well fought. He hates when neighbours or the school populace look at him with pity in their eyes and sympathy coating their words like sponge covering a toddlers playroom or bubble wrap suffocating a porcelain doll.
So what if he doesn't have a mom anymore? Who cares about his deadbeat dad? Casey is keeping his promise and at almost 17 is protecting and looking after his sister, the best player on a hockey team within the region and a vigilante the purple dragons will write legends about. He is strong and brave. He bounces back from anything with a witty comment and a toothy grin. Missing incisors be damned.
So why is this different? Strong, calloused, leathery hands gently graze over fragile skin. Instead of the usual burn of anger such caution would ignite, Casey Jones feels a sense of calm and his breath almost gets caught in his throat. Almost. Arms he has seen tear robots to shreds, dislocate joints from vigilantes, break monstrous jaws are now delicately tracing over his pale soft surface, well- it should be pale but the current complection is primarily a mixture of injuries, marks and dirt. Purple, blue, green, yellow, pinks, reds- any colour besides a natural skin tone coats his body like a vandalised back alley wall.
The hand stops moving and instead a comforting weight is placed across Casey's chest and torso. The weight he has seen choke and crush wrong-dooers, crack brick walls and dent spaceship walls now comfortably rests along his side like a weighted blanket, the arm across his middle.
Awareness of his current location comes back. Why's the ceiling looking blurry suddenly? Casey realises his eyes are starting to water. These can't be tears of frustration though? Maybe these are not new tears but the remnants of the storm that leaked from those eyes earlier this evening, in the privacy of these four walls as his own inner walls crumbled in Front of his current companion. No mask or face paint or armour, no facade of cokyness and happiness. His emotions are raw and his mind is still screaming at him, maybe that's why he hadn't noticed the burning eyes. These tears can't be new. Definitely not! He's happy and safe now, why would they be? He is brought from his thoughts as a hard smooth surface buts the bottom of his jaw, sending a short vibration of pain through his skull.
"'Ya sure this is alright?" A gruff voice nervously whispers.
"Yeah, 's fine" he mumbles back before finally looking down at the friend pressed against him. His own voice sounds raspy and sore. Perfect.
Raph has put his head back down on the pillow, his beak fitting like a jigsaw puzzle in the gap above Casey's shoulder. The bolt he'd felt had been from Ralph bucking his head to hit his jaw with the top curve of his beak. It hurt a little but he isn't fragile. Raph knows that. All he can feel now is that comforting weight on his side. He's focusing on it. Raph certainly wasn't scared to touch him. Why else would he hit him to gain his attention?
Soft cold breath gently brushes against Casey's neck in delicate puffs.
"I can sleep on the floor y'know?" tiredly drifts out of the terrapin creatures mouth "This bed ain't exactly made for two"
"Nah it's your room, I'm the intruder"
"Hmm" Raph lazily hums and slightly squeezes his ribs, getting comfortable in his squashed position on the edge of the bed "a warm one".
Casey sits there in silence for a bit, his friend drifting off to sleep. The overwhelming smell of sweat and blood and the sewers clogging his nose. Raphael is the only person Casey talks to about his home life, the only one he talks about his troubles too. He knows Raph instils that same comfort and confidence in him as he tells the lanky teen his own insecurities and secrets.
Tender moments like these however? They usually proceed fights. Fights they start coated in darkness or just heated spars between friends who are shouting and blowing off steam. They'd collapse with exhaustion on some random rooftop and through jagged breaths become vulnerable, no eye contact, maybe a squeeze of the hand or a punch in the side to let the other one know they're there. Kind, soft and comforting pain. Like the kind you get from laughing too hard or playing a game. It is strange to think they are now squashed and laid across each other, even if the reptile insists the body warmth was an exciting upgrade to his sleeping arrangement.
Casey was kicked out tonight after a particularly bad fight at home, he limped his way to his usual meeting spot and a few texts later Raph was on his way. He's going to be staying here with his friend, just tonight... he'll go home tomorrow. No one else in the sewer family needs to know why, Raph will come up with a lame excuse to torment him with. The thought makes him smile a little. Raph is the epitome of masculinity. Testosterone coats his existence like a second shell. He's violent and abrasive and yet here he is, not throwing punches, but still being gentle. His body weight is not entirely on top of the teen, but it is there along his right side nonetheless. He wasn't repulsed by Casey and he hadn't tried sugar coating anything all night. When he 'picked him up' he'd joked at Casey's expense and made the boy laugh. Casey wasn't too sure how Raph managed to create such a strong positive moment up on that rooftop in those circumstances. But none of the Hamato clan followed logic by nature so maybe that is not so surprising.
Casey isn't sure why this isn't affecting him the way it usually does. He feels calm and safe, even stripped down to his boxers and pressed into an old smelly matrice and cold metal wall.
Maybe it's because he keeps reminding himself that Raph doesn't see the squishy, thin human as delicate. He knows the turtle enough to know he considers Casey a great enough fighter to stand amongst his brothers, without any formal training or skill.
Maybe that's why this tender moment is nice? Raph isn't scared Casey will break, he wouldn't touch him if he thought he'd be hurt. Raph wouldn't joke with him and invite him here like this. The ninja had seen the boy break earlier, as he broke down and sobbed on the bed when they first arrived at the decorated subway car. The weight against him now is heavy, not crushing. It's grounding him.
Why is being treated tenderly so nice right now? Maybe that's the kind of privilege having a best friend creates? He doesn't remember his childhood friend creating such a welcoming environment before though.
Casey hates people seeing him as weak. Raph doesn't, even now.
#TMNT#tmnt 2012#casey jones#raphael hamato#casey jones 2012#raph 2012#seagull scribes#seagull squawks#its weird posting a fic when i havent like done art to post and can just hide it in the comments#also its been over a year since i shared any writing#you can probably tell by everything im not a writer#2012 rasey#so like i do ship rasey and i am only posting this cause they have no conent and there is deffo a fellow need out there also starving#but i didnt write this as a ship fic its meant to be platonic and i was just focusing a lot on a lot of my old bad teenage experiences#and how my friends and found family helped me and stuff but if you wanna be like lmao love does that im cool with that#totally open to you if you have a secret third interpretation#idk what else to say i have so many unfinished incomprehensible drafts of these for every fandom ive been in but yeah posting this one#oh because its kinda pulling references from my own experiences i put some references in here to my friends they nay recognise#but i also doubt they'd read it id be shocked if this got more than lets sayyyy 11 notes ahaha#ill have to learn to draw humans or continue learning i should say#i wanna deaw these dudes more#also if you see mistakes let me know i am so so bad and typing and English and writing in general
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹
here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰
#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL#because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan#i lost all my feelings and thoughts#i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head#i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot#in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year#and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level#but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️#from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far#that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more#after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me#and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all#but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha#i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day#i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/#even from my comfort people and activities#that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal#so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically#it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha#anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️#soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now#but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️
22 notes
·
View notes