#and like the thing is i dont rly feel emotions so for me to be like this is saying something
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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the way this scene w caiman reassuring nikaido in v21 parallels that one w nikaido reassuring caiman back in v10 and its basically the first time theyre properly reunited in the wholeass 10 volumes since then.... brb sniffling + sobbing
#YOUR HONOR THEY ARE BESTIEEEESSSSS#im so emotional im tearing up on my stupid bus home from work. no one spoil it for me im sooo close to finishing the series AHHHH#love that they do try to help each other out w shit but also they recognise when its the other persons problem n they cant fix it#so instead of making promises they cant fulfil theyre just like yeah it sucks. but we're here together rn!!!!#theyre so fucking cute it makes my heart huuuurt. when is it my turn to have a best friend forever 😭😭😭😭😭😭#if they dont get to run that fucking gyoza shop together im ending it all thats the only thing i care abt rn. BUT NO SPOILERS#anyway me 🤝 nikaido -> feeling like we dont rly exist in the real world and arent real people#ajdkfhkff almost missed my bus stop thinkign abt them. okay i need to get off my phone and focus on getting home LOL#dorohedoro#dorohedoro spoilers#.diaries
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I'm being like astoundingly social lately. Starting from Thursday last week, I saw my girlfriend, then spent time with family on Friday, then saw my girlfriend again on Saturday + some of her friends, then watched a movie and drew stuff with friends on Sunday, then had a session 0 for new dnd on Monday, then watched anime with a friend on Tuesday. Off day on Wednesday. Then on THURSDAY I hung out with my girlfriend, had a study session with friend group (with mixed success at the studying part), AND watched anime with a friend again. And then today, watched a different anime with a different friend.
And TOMORROW I'm going to a concert with family and a friend, Sunday I'm hanging out with my girlfriend, then Monday I've got dnd thing again (probably? Need to double check). And then potentially more hangouts to come.
It's insane. What is this new social me. I don't think I've ever hung out with this many different people in such a short time before.
#speculation nation#it's fun though i probably will need to slow down a bit to not tire myself out bfkshfkd#the concert and the family thing last weekend are not normal occurences at least.#the movie and the study group were both from my discord server. tho with mostly different sets of people.#i think im at like... in just the past week ive hung out with... well...#3 on friday (plus saying hi to others at the temple but i dont rly spend time with them)#7 on saturday... i think it was like.. six? on sunday? i think. then Uhhhh#4 on monday. i think. 1 on tuesday. thursday had 3 new with 3 repeats from earlier in the week#and today was another person i hung out with earlier in the week#which puts me at TWENTY FOUR....... different people ive hung out with this week....holy shit....#granted on saturday 6 of them were my girlfriend's friends and im not very good at talking in a group irl#so i mostly talked to my girlfriend there. but even if U didnt count them that's still 18 people i hung out with#crazy. mind boggling. im a total introvert so this is like unprecedented.#I SWEAR I DONT NORMALLY COUNT PEOPLE LIKE THIS..... im just like. trying to put it into context for myself#and surprisingly i dont feel That exhausted by it... it helps that only 3 of these days had in person interactions#bc thats more tiring to me than just talking online. physical space takes more energy to emote etc etc#i think this is good for me honestly. spending time with people. not just wasting my life away with video games. you know.#tho i do need to balance it with writing.. i havent written anything since i posted the itnl update#and i rly need to get that reverse bang fic finished....hmmmmmmmm#ah well. i'll try to get lots of writing done next week. next week for sure..!!
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i think i just worry im going to blast her brain with too much new music very far outside of her usual sphere all at once fhsdkjl, like... I think perhaps putting hip hop on the playlist would not be a good idea but alsoooo... i want more people to listen to hip hop and rap LOL. i'm now asking her if theres any music genres that she specifically dislikes so i can know what to avoid putting on here and if she doesn't give me anything to work off of then.... woe, Any Genre be upon ye LMAO
#she is also like. not someone i'm really going to Befriend fully so im not rly too worried abt this tbh#she is definitely just an acquaintance sdfjkl i cannot see us becoming FriendsTM though she probably considers us friends#im just so picky with friendship 😭 ppl have to be at a certain social skill level for me to be able to really befriend them properly#just because i get too tired and dont feel comfy enough if ppl are not at a certain level irt to social skills and emotional intelligence#(sorry i hate saying comfy like that LOL ppl online have been mean about it. maybe it is weird idk. comfortable was too long for the tag)#and i Need to be comfortable w someone to consider them a friend fdskl#i havent had this issue much online for some reason (ig bc i have more of a choice of whether to interact or not)#but irl ... well. thats a whole other beast innit LOL#i do love having and making acquaintances though !!! i really love talking to people and getting to know them :)#friendship is just a difficult thing for me bc of my own issues and past experiences fdsjkl i have to be careful with it#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!
#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting!#and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective#bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers#so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting !#but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me'#and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT#like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what#like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything#and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up#i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis#so maybe its just not worth it ?#bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means#what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is#i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me#and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory#but idk if i can trust anyone else either#i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe#what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me#which i dint love tbh#personal
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most kudos'd fic of mine in under 24hrs
#i literally dont know how to act abt this#its like. u put all this heart into a story and you can only /hope/ youve translated the story in ur head into words well enough for other#people to understand it and love it like you meant#and you can never rly know if you did it right until its posted. and its so overwhelming to have this story that was mine and so so so so#special to me. get loved the way it deserves. its a lot of big emotions 4 me#ALSO after the success of femdomverse#which was AMAZING and i am still so so greatful for#there was this feeling of. are people even gonna like it when i write different things#and the answer is yes! so thats also big emotions rn#she writes#she speaks
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btw controversial but fuckk ptsd dude yohre telling me judt bc my parents shouldnt ever have been parents now i have to be fucked up for the rest of my life .
#i know like..coping mechanisms and ris8ng above and learning to live with it but like its fucking stupid and unfair bc im never gonna stop#having ptsd yk. my episodes might get less frequent i might build happier memories but jm always gonna have these memory blocks and trigger#s and nightmares like. forever. im never gonna get to have had a normal childhood thats the most fuckedbup thing ever#like ik this is whiny but like. why. why me what did i do to deserve that childhood. not that any kid deserves abusive childhoods obviously#it sounds like im like ermmm there r wayyy worse kids who shouldve been the ones to go to the zoo 💀 but like ykwim. why does#thus have to happen to so many ppl i hate it i hate it. i wish i could just Actually forget everything instead of just like. not rly#remembering it but Knowing it..yk. i know everything that happened to me even if its all blocked out#and i still feel like. the effects of it even the stuff thats jncredibly hazy to me. and jm never not gojng to feel that. my personality hs#literally been fucking shaped by the childhood i have and like. yes you can 'change' your personality a bit and your choices blah blah blah#but like. even with that. im still always gonna be like. my first impulse will always be distrust and doubt and fear. even if i train#myself not to Act on those emotions i still will always feel them. im always going to expect people to leave even if they dont even if i#dont let myself push them away its something im always going to be terrified of in the back of my mind. im never gojng to have#proper social skills bc i fully missed out on that stage of development im never going to be like. at the same level as my peers bc i#missed out on those skills. sigh. ik ik ik feeljng inhuman and feeljng different from everybody else is a jniversal thing but i truly think#im like. im missing something that everybody else seems to have and i dont even know what it is but i know i dont have it and everyone#can tell j dont have it and it fucking. sucks . basically
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typical late night miseries but literally so sick of feeling like this always
#like iv been feeling this way in some way throughought this week and i thought i had stopped but i kinda havent lol#and ik its stupid but just idk. im just always in my stupid feelings abt the idea that like ohh i always care abt other ppl then they do me#and like !! the thing is ik it tht that isnt true or at least not laways true and i do have people who really do fully care about me#and like. that really means a lot to me like so so mucch but idk sometimes it just like#i feel like the way that i care abt other people is so like intense in a lot of ways and like idk.#its just such a big thing for me and i feel like i put so much of my heart into it and like sometimes ill find myslef getting so intensely#emotional about it to the point of crying and almost feeling sad and writing stupid bad poetry and it just feels like the huge#vulnerable thing for me so often and i just feel like it rly isnt for anyone else or at least not for the people ik abt me#and like the thing is i dont even want them to feel that way bc ik they do really care about me sm as is#but yk like. idk on a selfish level tht means theres a feeling that its all one sided which really really doesnt help at all with it#to the point were i do sometimes wish tht others cared abt me the same amnt/way bc then i wldnt be alone in such intense feelings#and then i wldnt feel like im the only one not worth caring abt tht way but idk ik im selfish thinking that#its not even fully that i want other people to care more its that i want me to care less#but i just. fucking cant and i just really hate it sometimes and im sick of feeling miserable over such stupid things#and now im acting like annoying and obnoxious. whatever#its 4am im going to go to bed now. goodnight <3#flappy rambles
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#chronically lonely and not havingn a good time#time to rant#long whiny probably triggering tags below youve been warned#im so fucking alone and its never gonna get better#nothing has ever been okay and nothing will ever be okay and tumblr post by people with so much privilege they have no idea#cant convince me life is ever gonna be okay because its not its just not thats a lie by people who already had money and friends and#stable lives at my age#‟youre too young to know‟ too bad i know how data analysis works and based on almost 18 years of data Nothing ever gets better and it rly#only ever gets worse#im not good at anything and no one likes me and no one ever will. or i will get abandoned by anyone i think i can trust because thats just#the way it always goes#the only escape and the only rational solution at this point is to put a bullet in my head#‟suicide doesnt solve anything‟ what is it not solving. I am the only reason i have problems#if i was not there to experience the problems I have. the problems would not exist#and theyre never gonna get better#if i remove myself from the equation ill never experience a negative emotion or a problem ever again therefore making there no problem#no one would miss me if i was gone and i serve no purpose besides being an annoying burden and a waste of resources#everything would be better without me#oh also i experience no positive emotions that last long enough to matter or that dont get tainted by 10x more negative ones#so staying around to experience positive things doesnt work bc i literally only feel numb or angry or hopeless#btw im in therapy and on 3 psych meds i think im just a lost cause#no point!#this is not a suicide note i have no means of doing so I'm just really frustrated and nothing is okay at all so i needed to rant ok byeeee
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okay can we have a new rule that if you're my friend and know I struggle with rsd from adhd + you're planning on hanging out with mutual friends but specifically aren't inviting me for whatever reason. Maybe Don't Tell Me About It
#id just rather not know man. even if I cant go or dont particularly want to im going to get stung by it and it rly sucks#its a TON of extra effort i have to put in to emotionally navigate that information without overreacting and making it an issue#wait actually maybe i do need to sit down with her and explain this more explicitly. bc she probably doesnt rly know abt it#even tho ive mentioned it shes rly terrible at reading ppl and i probably dont let on much abt it anyway bc im used to dealing w it#ugh. but also its rly embarrassing to talk abt and ill have to tread so carefully to make sure it doesnt get misinterpreted. hmm#but itd be worth it if she stopped so. ill give it some thought#it makes me feel so unreal sometimes bc i cant always tell if im justifiably upset or if im 'just overreacting' so i assume the latter-#most of the time to give myself space to work thru the emotion and minimise the damage i might cause if i AM just overreacting#but then sometimes later on i realise that it was justified but its too late to bring it back up and anyway ive worked through it#and idk. theres smth self disrespectful abt it all im tired of making space all the time and never taking any up myself#im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud#aaanyway#im procrastinating eating bc i cooked a nice meal but now im not in the mood to eat it 😭😭 but i gotta fuel up.....#ill find smth to watch hopefully thatll do the trick#yawns so loud bye for now#.diaries
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There's smth rly fun abt having stories based off of dreams because you just have a bunch of dream based worldbuilding that you just sorta have to work with now. Like oh a ring of infinite dragons run through the earth eternally consuming eachother? Guess I have to explain that now. Also that's sick as hell why didn't I think of that while awake
#rat rambles#oc posting#that damn dream story has captivated me deeply every since Ive had it even if I havent rly done much with it#I have been brainstorming some stuff relating the worldbuilding today tho#mostly what the actual deals of two main characters are#aka grim and the unnamed doggy#because Ive taken stabs at explaining them a couple times but have never rly landed on anything I rly care for#and theyre like The reason this dream stuck with me so hard so that is important#long story short theyre both god created beings that have been in a eternal brawl for what for them has been about 5 years for them#externally its been much much longer since anytime one of them successfully defeats the other they both go dormant for abt 50 years#they dont feel any of that bonus time tho so for them theyve been at this for ages with little to no break#grim usually wins since she was specifically trained to be the victor of the two everytime#but she isnt guaranteed a win by any means and has lost at least once#she likes to not think abt those times tho and pretend they never happened because if she acknowledged them then shed have to think through#the implications of that and she does not have the emotional or mental stability to be able to handle that#shes like. 16 to be clear.#the dog is about 21 or so Id say? Im still figuring things out so idk for sure yet#the basic premise of the story is that after so long of fighting they've both been gradually getting weaker and more exhausted each time#and after one iteration where they were both fighting high in the sky the two in the next iteration find themselves fallen very far apart#grim spends the story trying to find the dog and accidentally getting adopted along the way#and the dog ends up allowing some children to take them home so they can hide and recover and they end up getting attached#it's mostly just abt the two learning to exist as individuals and not weapons and finally beginning to process the trauma this whole cycle#has left them with and eventually breaking the cycle and chosing to stay with their respective new families#this was all stuff that was actually like in the dream which is why it stuck with me so hard but also that dream was mean to me for#dropping all of that and only giving one character a name. god.#tbf its kind of made up for by it being in like the coolest scene in the dream since it was grim naming herself that while talking to the#dog at the end since she had been referred to as a grim reaper or as just a reaper in the dream before that point so it was like a moment#of defiance and also claiming an identity for herself that wasnt just her title#shes a silly billy she also has a scythe that can shoot lasers
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😖
#you know when ur so into a thing you cant even watch/read it cause you keep getting too excited or happy and having to take breaks#in other words yea im watching sentinel again how could you tell#i was the same reading monstrous regiment i had to stop reading and take a walk every few pages cause i kept being too happy or whatever#and dreamboy too actually? id pause it and scroll an app for a while so i could like process the emotions or whatever#yea a lot of its also to do with my fesr of running out of The Thing that happens with everything i like#but a big part of it is also just aagh like liking it too much and having to process it for a sec#theres just something so endearing about this series idk why#i think its special cos it feels so exclusive since its so hard to find#but also its a 90s series and i never rly watched a lot of those#reminds me of spn in some ways too and you know that shaped my psyche growing up and all#eeeee it just takes me forever to watch/read/listen to anything cause i have to take breaks to walk around and flail my hands and stuff#id say this is embarrassing but this is the Special Interests website so i dont think ill be criticized for likinh a thing too much#my post#the ep im watching now (s3ep19) is so fucking. friendship is magic shit im gonna CRY#stupid showwwwwww#also its got the endearing factor of early-internet fandom yk#like fansites and terminology i havent even heard before! and like everything feels so different from how its nowadays its so incredible
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im so tired
#weeman has just been so. much. lately. and i try not to get frustrated with him bc it feels awful when i do but i have to just Leave the#room constantly lately bc he just doesnt stop#i want to be in the main house my room is fucking boiling all the time but i cannot be out there with him#he just has been so. moody lately and so like. whiny and he does this fake baby voice that irritates me sm and i hate how stressed it makes#me bc hes judt a kid but like. whenever he plays mc or wants to play mc its awful bc if i say no he Cries and screams and its a whole thing#and if he does play mc the second anything goes slightly wrong he cries and screams the entire time jm trying to fix it and he freaks out#abt fuckkng everything and it just makes me wish i had never let him play mc. which feels awful bc ik its fun for him and im glad hes so#reative with it and when hes in a good mood its fun 2 see him play it and im like. but hes so entitled sometimes and again i feel awful#saying that bc hes 6 but its like. i dont know. its stressful. i dont think i can ever be a parent ik i rly rly rly rly rly want kids and ik#like. hes like this bc my parents are not good parents its not his fault hes so tumultuous he doesnt have like. healthy emotional role#models. yk. i genuinely dont want to be mad at him for it but its exhausting to deal with him sometimes. i try rly hard not to snap at him#bc i dont want to be like my parents but like. I cant just leave the room all the time bc itll be him demanding i fix mc for him so if i#leave hell be more mad#so i have to stay while im fixing it but hes screaming and crying and demanding and insulting me andnlike. ik hes 6 and i just need to deal#with it but im exhausted. i love him so much hes such a sweet kid the majority of rhe time andni want to keep him safe and protect him#but i cant parent him. i cant Be his parent i judt wish he had better parents. i dont know. i try to be a good role model and stuff but i#like. idk. i dont think im meant to have kids if i cant even handle him
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⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
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i barely have any sense of self anymore beyond like. being lazy/tired and not wanting to do things.
i know the self is an intangible and abstract concept but im trying to decide what class i would be in bg3 (this is a really stupid reason to have an existential crisis i know) and i can't settle on anything bc i don't really know who i am or what im like anymore beyond my shortcomings and weaknesses. which sounds stupid but it's upsetting when something that's supposed to be a fun hobby becomes a source of despair because i can't stop ruminating and i can't enjoy the game bc im thinking of how inadequate i am. maybe this is why people play as characters that aren't themselves BUT I NEED TO SELF INSERT i need to. idk
#it keeps coming down to storm sorcerer bc i was born right before a big ice storm irl and im always cold and i get static shocks rly often#and i have very strong emotions and a bad temper sometimes that kind of works with like. storm theme#and i can't see myself learning to fight/kill without necessity or studying spells since wizardry is kind of like the science of that world#but then im like well wtf makes me think id be so special to be born with a magic gifts. im nobody#and a couple of friends said they'd see me as a bard and i do want some healing/support spells#but i dont really like the whole music thing w bards it feels... theater kid-y? idk volo ruined bards for me lol hes so fucking annoying#as well as the bard dialogue options from my current playthrough. they're all kind of lame#ranger is out bc spells are wisdom based and i dont wanna pick a Favoured Enemy my favoured enemy is no enemy thanks#i did a quiz and it gave me rogue but idk. i guess i can see myself sneaking around and i do a lot of sneaking around ingame but idk#im going for charisma and dex/int as my main stats yes i KNOW i should invest in constitution but it is simply not accurate for me#maybe ill do. 8 sorc 4 rogue....or something....i kind of just want bonus action dash from rogue and a crossbow for non-magic dmg#i really don't think im smooth enough to be a rogue though#blabber
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#while i do appreciate the gesture of reaching out to me - please dont#im not gonna do anything rn and i just needed to vent the emotions a bit#i dont usually feel comfortable venting at all so its like ... i think just as my life is unraveling my behaviour is too#so please just let me wallow in misery a bit. having attention in my askbox is kinda... it rly makes me uncomfortable#thats all. ill probs delete these posts since theyve gained reaction this time. mby its bcs i posted late in the evening. my bad#sigh. i rly shouldve just kept these things to myself. sorry about that
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