#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying

[4rticbolt]

Card DECLINED |Master-List|

Monster Trio+Law x !Fem!Reader, crack, fluff, modern-au, poor core (real), cashier is going THROUGH IT, !Early-relationship! , Ugh I thought this was so adorable, might be my favorite so far

They take you on a date and there card declines in-front of you...

Lemme know if I should do a fic for one of em' :)! (And spelling mistakes)

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Luffy

100% bought it all on fast food, he holds a Guinness World Record for the most amount of food eaten, period.

Would be confused at first, and wouldn't get it till you finally told him somethings wrong with his card. He about shoved it in there 100x times...

"HAH!? Why's it not working!''

"Wait huh seriously? Aww man..."

He'd definitely apologize and laugh it off. But he'd silent judge his card for failing him now as he attempted to finally buy you something. He’d definitely go and text Nami to Venmo him some quick money for you--in which she'd automatically decline.

(Much like his card)

Your bf would grumble, but he'd be quick to mask it with his short attention span.

He ended up dragging you into another random store after finding a whopping 5 bucks on the ground, sopping wet and crumpled from the rain... But somehow the cashier accepted it out of pity and he'd managed to buy you a little doodad in exchange--coming up behind you with a surprise in hand.

He giddily spun you around gleaming with excitement as he pecked you on the cheek.

"Shisihi, look what I got youuu! It's awesome"

(It was a crooked hot-wheels, but you ended up putting it on your shelf to cherish it)

Zoro

Sake was his downfall. Alcohol as we all know is incredibly expensive so it wasn't even a surprise, you expected it to eventually happen with how much he loved his booze...

Moreover you'd think it was a turn off with all his bottles but he'd always been a responsible drinker, and he barely got drunk...maybe a few times if he'd finally eased up in your arms.

Though when he swiped his card, it hadn't gone through. He'd pause and play it off a first, trying again, but when the cashier finally told him their were insufficient funds he'd go beet red.

"I don't know what you're talking about, it's gotta be your stupid machine..."

Not slick, at. all.

He'd act dense abt it, though deep down he knew he royally fucked up, so much for a romantic date...

When you finally offered to pay, he stubbornly grumbled as you had placed some spare cash on the counter.

"Oi, You didn't have to do that..."

He wouldn't immediately say thank you, but he'd been quietly grateful you were smart to bring 'just in case' cash... which he'd also said wasn't necceasry... but look what happened.

You tended to be right in these scenarios.

A few days later he had begrudgingly said thank you and handed you some floppy but colorful flowers as he had randomly stopped by your house heading to work.

Coincidently getting lost, but he'd never admit it.

The offer was rather chaotic as you'd just gotten out of the shower, but it only made him more flustered.

"Didn't uh, mean to interrupt, just wanted to drop these off. And thank you for the other day."

Sanji

I physically cannot see this man's card declining, so he had probably used the wrong card...

But even if he did I could see him full on freaking out, like telling the cashier to run it again and crossing his arms as his fingers anxiously tapped on his arm. He almost went to call his bank until he realized it wasn't his main card and his embarrassed meter went through the roof.

He went pink, but as you offered to pay he immediately shut it down. Sanji would never let you pay for anything, he wanted to take care of you and spoil you like no other--so forget asking. Even if you weren't that far along in dating.

He'd rather search the floor for pennies than let you pay.

Though if you did somehow manage to pay, he'd pay you back beyonddd extra. Like I'm talking about full on flowers and little chocolates or anything romantic.

Even if you thought it was rude to accept, he'd quickly assure you it was okay and that 'he wanted to' so it didn't matter if it was 'payback' or not. He'd came over to hang out, and he'd gently grab your hand kissing it as he spoke with gentle words.

"My love, just take it please, it'd mean the world to me."

Law

Law's card wouldn't normally decline, but one of his transactions for his action figure(s) had finally come through and he didn't realized it till he'd taken you out for lunch.

The waiter had handed him back his card and he deadpanned for a moment--before telling them to try it again--but hopelessly it didn't make a difference. And to make things better the waiter outright said he was broke and needed a different form of payment.

Law would loathe the moment, feeling second-hand embarrassment for miles as he brooded wishing it happened anywhere else no mattering the time.

He'd be embarrassed, growing quiet with a darkened expression as he averted his gaze. Which it only intensified when you happily handed the waiter your card, assuring him it wasn't the end of the world... and that you were just happy to be here with him.

He had gone increasingly quiet, and you couldn't help but laugh as he covered his face with the tilt of his infamous hat.

"L-Let's just go."

This man would NEVER let it happen again, and he'd carefully watch his guilty spending habits with a sour expression. The thought of that moment practically kept him up at night.

Law didn't pay you back, but he'd taken a little time off work to spend more quality time with you as that seemed to make you happy. And your doctor-in-training wanted nothing more than to see your smile.

[akitossohma]

i wanted to say your post about lu guang's morality is currently my favorite thing ever. im not sure if you're just incredibly smart or have the gift of prophecy but you are so right and the post is very very good

hi! i'm so glad you enjoy my post >.<

i tragically do not have the gift of prophecy, but i'm happy to explain my reasoning! spoilers ahead.

first off, i wanna say that when i made that post, it was less of a prediction and more of a reading of what the show had already laid out.

i've seen a few detractors of my post on twitter, all of them saying things along the lines of "this is a misguided take because lg is selfless. lg only killed vein bc vein killed csx. we have no proof that lg is sacrificing others." there's a lot to pick apart with these rebuttals, and i'll get to that, but i feel there is one essential point they are all missing: time travel in an of itself is an act of hubris.

going back in time with the intention of changing the past is one born out of great hubristic selfishness. anyone doing so is automatically (and wrongfully) assuming the role of a god.

the show is well aware of this. take the earthquake arc for example. as csx takes it upon himself to try and evacuate the village, lg points out that in doing so, he could end up inadvertently killing more people. this is because the butterfly effect is uncertain and lg knows this. that whole interaction functions two-fold. one: it establishes that the narrative itself is aware of the stakes here. it is an in-universe acknowledgment that changing the past, even if it's to save lives, is extremely risky and ultimately selfish. two: it establishes that lg is very aware of this truth, which is what makes the s2 reveal so shocking. despite being aware of the consequences, lg is still trying to change the past to save csx.

it also tells us that lg's steadfastness about csx not changing the past is likely born out of a fear of csx accidentally messing up the timeline lg is cultivating, and not out of some noble effort to minimize their impact on others' lives, which is how it was previously framed. all this evidence paints a very clear picture: lu guang is not the morally just character we once thought. he is placing his own happiness above literally everyone else's wellbeing. yes he is trying to save csx, but he's only doing that because he can't stomach the idea of living without him. his motivations are objectively selfish at their core.

back to the detractors: i feel some people are conflating lg's actions being done out of love for his actions also being selfless. and while i agree there is an (albeit twisted) form of love behind all this, there is nothing selfless about what he's doing. why does lg get to decide what the future should hold? why does any one man get the final say on what happens to the rest of the world, and all the billions of rich lives within it? hell, why does he even get to decide what happens to csx? yes he's acting under the pretense of saving csx, but does csx even want to be saved? would csx even be okay with what he's doing? i honestly don't think so. when csx believed lg had died, he contemplated using his powers to go back in time and save him, but ultimately decided against it because as far as he was concerned, lg wouldn't approve. he understands the potential chain reaction that comes from saving even one life because lg drilled it into his head. even if he is impulsive to a fault, at the end of the day, csx would never want to cause harm to others, especially not at this magnitude.

even if this effort to change the past/future fails, the fact that he was willing to take this massive risk in the first places says a lot about his priorities and overall character. while he probably doesn't actively want to sacrifice others, he absolutely will if it means keeping csx in his life saving csx.

in this most recent episode, just minutes before killing vein, he says to him, "do you know the butterfly effect? in a dynamic system, any subtle change in the initial conditions may lead to different outcomes. i've been thinking how to change a destined ending completely. if there is an additional point before this, an unchangeable point, what will happen? no need to fear the deviation. just let it happen more completely." lg killed vein partly out of revenge yes, but also to create another unchangeable node in the timeline. he is trying to secure csx's future by taking another life.

and none of this is even touching on how lg possessed a woman's body, which is a COMPLETE violation of her autonomy, to kill vein, knowing damn well she'd take the fall for his murder. lol.

so yeah. lu guang is (and always has been) a selfish, immoral bastard (she said with love), and the writers were very deliberate in setting that up.

there's so much more i could say on this but then this would get way too long, which it already lowkey is haha. thank you for the ask! i genuinely appreciate the opportunity to word vomit all this <3

[cloverapple]

hiii! i came across your blog yesterday, and i love your advice. that's why i feel like you would be the best person to ask these questions that I've been having for the longest time (sorry, long read ahead).

I've studied LOA for the past 2 years or so, and even though i have a good understanding of it, there are some things that always trip me up when it comes to shifting.

how do i deal with waking up to the 3d? yes, by assuming that you are in your dr and that you shifted last night. that's the most logical answer. but even though i know that, sometimes it is a lot easier said than done. for example, a few days ago i wanted to manifest shifting by simply deciding i could shift on command and that i am there. i could be 100% sure the day before that it would happen. the whole day, and even a few days after that I'd stay in that state of being a master shifter, and i would feel amazing because of it. but it's like there always comes a point where i wake up to the 3d and i get discouraged (yes, i acknowledge that i am manifesting that reality by saying this, but i finally have to get this off my chest). my thoughts get all messed up and i start spiraling, returning to my previous state. i start questioning myself a bit and feel down. the main reason for that being time.

it took me so so long to figure out this issue about myself. I'd be like: how long is it gonna take? when will it happen? i know i have it in the 4d but when will it appear in the 3d? having it in the 4d isn't enough, i need to have it in the 3d right now. stuff like that. i find it very difficult to formulate my thoughts, but basically I'm in a spiral of:

watching a video/reading a post about LOA/shifting that reminds me of how easy it is -> applying LOA to shifting/any desire in a way that feels good for a few days at most -> starting to question myself after a few days because it hasn't shown up yet in the 3d (which is caused by me forgetting the role the 3d plays and how LOA works) even though i did everything "right" (e.g. letting go of control or the outcome, deciding, not wavering, etc.) -> falling back into a state where i question how i can shift, what i am doing wrong, etc. -> repeat

how can i break out of this cycle?

i think the main problem here is time and in general the 3d.

i know that the 3d is not a measure of my success, only made up of my current assumptions etc. i know that. but it's like i forget it once i step into the state i wanna be in and stay there for an extended period of time.

i always hear people say that "time isn't real" but i still don't really know what that means, how to apply it or how to internalize it. i really need that mental "click" to finally understand it and use that concept in my favor. because my problem is that with manifesting/shifting, after a while i start asking questions about why it's taking so long the 3d. for example, most nights i fall asleep with the assumption that I'll wake up in my dr (while letting go of control and not wavering) the next morning. but when it doesn't happen eventually, i start to question why, because since time comes from consciousness aka me, it should work in my favor.

I'm honestly so lost right now and i would really appreciate some help because I'm spiraling again. I've known about shifting since 2020 but only realized how ridiculously easy it is after joining tumblr this year and yup, i acknowledge that i am desperate to shift, preferably right now. it's not something i admit to anyone or myself because that's basically continuing to tell a story i don't want to experience (a surefire way to fail), but it is unfortunately the truth as of right now.

thank you for reading, i know this was a lot to get through!! (*^^*)

So pause for a second, because I’m going to tell you something I hope to ingrain in the mind of everyone who sends me an ask—and that you need to remember before reading everything I’m about to say:

YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO SHIFT. The ability is inside you right now. The moment you read this, your mind already knows how to shift. Everyone does.

The moment you accept this, you solve half of your problems.

And then you tell me, "But if I know how to shift, why isn’t the 3D reflecting that?"

Well, yeah. You painted the house, and now you’re sitting there watching the paint dry.

Look, watching the 3D closely and looking for results isn’t a problem for some people. Some can assume, “I’m already in my DR,” open their eyes, and BAM—they’re in their DR.

Some people assume, “I will shift tonight,” and just like that, they shift that night.

Some people let go of their DRs, stop putting them on a pedestal, and they shift.

Some people clutch their DRs close to their heart until their knuckles turn white—and they shift.

It sounds a lot like you’re forcing yourself into a method of applying the Law of Assumption that doesn’t serve you. Why?? If you recognize that your issue is focusing on time and constantly checking the 3D, work around it. Remove time from your shifting journey.

I don’t like assuming I already have something, then checking the 3D and not seeing it there. Hell, I can shift on command, and yet, if I were to lay in bed right now and tell myself, “I’m in my DR,” I guarantee you I wouldn’t shift. Why? Because that doesn’t work for me.

My dude, change the way you affirm. If affirming in the present (“I already shifted”) doesn’t work for you, change it! Say, “I’m going to shift.” If even that hasn’t been working, let go of implementing time into your affirmations.

Change “I’m going to wake up in my DR in the morning” to “I’m going to wake up in my DR at some point because I KNOW I can shift.”

Change “I’m in my DR right now” to “I can’t wait to be in my DR.”

Remove time from your affirmations and assumptions, because that’s clearly the problem here. Instead of trusting that you’ll shift tonight, trust yourself because you already know how to shift. Or trust your mind because it knows how to shift. Trust your awareness because it knows how to shift.

“I fall asleep with the assumption that I'll wake up in my DR (while letting go of control and not wavering) the next morning.”

If this were completely true, you wouldn’t be sending me this ask. You wouldn’t be doubting yourself as much as you just did in everything you typed. Truly letting go means releasing the need to see results in the 3D.

So, take time out of your assumptions. From now on, say “I will shift.” Or say, “I already know how to shift.”

Your brain then goes: “……???….uh….” looking at the 3D all confused “When? We haven't shifted!”

And you tell it, “It doesn’t fucking matter because I’m going to shift eventually.”

Now, let’s say hypothetically, one week passes and you haven’t shifted. One month passes, and you haven’t shifted. Two months pass, and you haven’t shifted.

And then you come back and say, “Clover, why the heck haven’t I shifted yet? It’s been (insert amount of time). You told me to remove time as an expectation, so why haven’t I shifted yet??”

And I’ll smile at you and ask, “So you’ve been counting the days?”

Let me tell you something about letting go—and hypothetically, ignoring the 3D.

Treat your ability to shift like your fortune. You have a fortune sitting in your bank account right now, and you’re rich. Do you think a rich person checks their bank account every hour to confirm they’re still rich?

"Well yeah, Clover, because a rich person’s reality already reflects that, they’re sitting in a mansion with all their riches."

Your fortune, what makes you rich, is your ability to shift. You already know how to shift. Shifting isn’t something you learn how to do, just like breathing isn’t something you learn how to do. Just like chewing isn’t something you learn how to do. It is an integral part of every human being. If you have awareness, then the ability to shift exists within you.

You don’t learn shifting—you learn yourself.

You learn what makes you shift. What makes you manifest easily. What makes you assume easily. What kind of affirmations your subconscious doesn’t argue against. What makes your self-concept skyrocket.

Because everyone is different, everyone shifts differently. What works for Person A might not work for Person B. What works for Person B might not work for Person C, and so on.

Even my reply to you, it might not resonate with you. But that’s not my fault, and it’s not yours. If that's the case, your job is to look elsewhere—and, in the best-case scenario, look internally because that’s where the answers always are.

Let’s go over your fix options because I just yapped a lot:

YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO SHIFT.

Remove time from your affirmations and assumptions. Removing time from your shifting process makes it so you have nowhere in the 3D to look.

Stop paying attention to the 3D and pay attention to yourself because what’s going to shift is your awareness, not the damn 3D. Every time you catch yourself thinking, “Oh, but it’s not showing up in the 3D,” remind yourself:

A) You already know how to shift.

B) Shifting is something you can do.

C) It could happen at any moment, so why should anything else matter?

If you were promised a million bucks from a 100% trustworthy source, would you spiral?

One more thing before I wrap this up:

It could be that actively using the Law of Assumption isn’t what works best for you. Maybe you work better with visualizing. Maybe you induce the feeling of being in your DR or being a "master shifter." Maybe subliminals work better for you. There is a world of options out there, and it is completely useless to force yourself to do something that's only bringing frustration in the end. Because there is no singular way to shift. There is no singular way to manifest. And sometimes—for some people—while the Law of Assumption is always true, focusing on it directly isn’t what serves you.

[chokiechips]

Yandere Head Canons: Wally Darling

For some reason, yandere and obsessive Wally (ahhh pookie <3) seems so obvious, and i can't help but see it! It's so in his nature. Hope you enjoy!

Themes: yandere a smidge, lil fluff, delusional yandere, obsessive traits

I would think when he first meets you, it would probably be much later after the first episode of the Welcome to the Neighborhood series is aired.

He would probably know you as one of the new characters there, just a simple minded little person who has no clue what's going on behind the scenes and is just happy to be there.

He would be pretty alright with you at first like the other neighbors, maybe joining the other neighbors in their day-to-day activities, picking up mail at the post office, or having fun with Frank and Julie.

You start to notice him more often, and of course, being a great neighbor, you JUST have to get to know him. oh if only you knew how bad a decision this must be.

You feel excited at first, standing in front of the front door of Home, an apple pie in your hand, just to make peace with your neighbor and make a possible friend! Just in case, you talked with Julie and Frank and got his likes and dislikes, afraid of not wanting to upset this person you haven't talked to yet.

After a few light raps to the front door of Home, you'd wait there patiently, hoping that Wally Darling is in. Immediately he opened the door, and lo and behold, it's Wally!

He lets you in, and can't help but notice the delicious fragrance of apple wafting from your hands into his nostrils. An apple pie? How absolutely lovely of you!

After several hours of talking and conversing about the Neigborhood itself, and the puppets that live here, you can notice how Wally slowly lets himself get comfortable with you, allowing you to switch with him to sit on his iconic yellow chair.

But oh, the way you sat propped up happily in it, your thighs crossed just right , your bright smiling eyes looking up at him, Wally can't help but think you're just made for this. Nothing bizarre of course, maybe Julie or Barnaby could fare just as well, but there's something just so special about you, he can't seem to put his finger on it!

Over the coming days, the rest of the neighbors grow suspicious of the lengthy hours you'd spend at Home, the way Wally would casually let you sit next to him at his front yard and paint Home with him. His brush sitting primly in your hand as you make an attempt at painting Home, creating some sort of mess. But Wally can't help but find it endearing. Look how Home responds to your painting, to your splash of colors! Home may be a little friendly, but Wally can't help but feel his heart feel gooey and warm at the way Home interacts with you. Would you like to live in Home with him? Home would love that!

Soon, Wally and you become practically inseperable, best friends even! Wherever you go, he's always sure to follow. The way his eyes dilate at the sight of you, the paintings of you he'd paint without fail, the little accidents you'd cause (definitely not by Home) that Wally would come to help fix, a large smile on his face. Of course he would help! You're his darling neighbor! or maybe the future Darling?

On a particular night, Wally and you chat over the episode that occured that day, smiling ear to ear about the silly things that happened, and the lessons learned that day. As you talk, you don't seem to notice the way Wally would lean onto every word you said, the way Home would ensure nothing, no furniture made a single noise, as you spoke.

Your word was key.

Friendliest neighbor he may be to everyone, but to you he would be more than friendly. He would do anything for you.

Until the name Howdy Pillar slipped from your mouth as you spoke.

Wally hands trembled at the thought of it, a smile plastered on his face as the thought echoed through his mind, your rambles continuing to echo throughout the living room.

A strand or two fell from his hairdo, eyes widening at the thought.

Howdy? Why him? You, Wally and Home were practically soulmates at this point!

Maybe it was time for some proving. Of how friendly Wally Darling truly could be.

[blueaetherr]

idk if ur requests are open but pls write an aurelien fic 🙏

the love that (never) was

pairing: aurélien tchouaméni x fem!reader [she/her]

warning(s): angst, iwtv reference?

word count: 5.7k

summary: the one where comfort in shared history and practised narratives drive them together, even without the love

author's note: to the person who requested this time ago... i'm sorry. life's been long and i couldn't get around it until recently. i've also gotten some requests recently for aurélien so (maybe) i'll do them soon. i don't know, we'll see. anyways, enjoy!

now playing: luther by kendrick lamar ft. sza

For someone who was innately uncoordinated and spontaneous with her general actions—and had been so for most of her life—Y/N never thought she would enjoy the idea of routine.

It was a way of guiding her day, ensuring a sense of structured fluidity. It allowed her to do all that was planned, something potentially cyclical yet motivating knowing that activities prepared for the following day would be ones she wanted to engage with when she wanted to.

Like some soft decompression in the morning when there were no pressing matters to attend to. Perhaps picking oranges from the orange tree whilst appreciating the warmth of the afternoon sun and the spring breeze brushing up against her skin. Maybe talking to friends and family on the phone, doing laundry or getting some work done when it was time to clock in. Or even simply lounging in the living room and letting time run its course.

Some of these activities could be done at any time, within and beyond certain time frames. But what remained unchanged, and what she loved the most about her routine was starting hers with Aurélien... despite their interesting circumstances.

Entering the kitchen with a basket of oranges in her grasp from the back garden, a familiar voice entered her vicinity.

"Hi, ma cherie." In came Aurélien smiling galore and as always, Y/N felt obliged to return the gesture. In her eyes, he brought the sun down to earth; he was beautifully vibrant, radiant and bright, and in all ways possible.

"You're back!" She set the basket down before she approached him with a hug, allowing the two to sway for a moment or so. Pulling away she gasped lightly, feigning shock at the sight of the large bouquet in his hold. Frankly, she knew Aurélien was going to come home with flowers for her. He first did so a few years back when their relationship began and has been doing so ever since. "Are those for me?"

He tilted his head to meet her eyes, a taunting grin extending upon his lips, "If not you, then who else?" Y/N narrowed her eyes at him before pulling away with the flowers in her grasp. And Aurélien could only laugh at the moment they had just shared; he knew that she understood that it was all pleasant banter between the couple. Besides, the quick squeeze on her hand before she walked away from him always reminded her he meant no harm with his words. "Do you want to know the story behind them?"

Humming, she took the empty vase by the window sill and placed it in the kitchen sink to fill it up with water. In the meantime, she began inspecting the flowers. "Tell me. What happened?"

After every outing, big or small, Aurélien always had a story to bring back to Y/N without fail. Forever creating adventures out of simple errand runs. Recounting those subtle moments of intrigue. Almost never reserving all this positive animation for himself. He made it his mission to include her in experiences she couldn't find the time and space to be physically present in.

Selfishly, her favourite recounts were those about the flowers Aurélien would purchase. In truth, she found them the most intriguing. It was nice to discover the thought, journey and effort that shaped his decision to go for this, that or the next. So much tenderness, consideration and detail behind every bouquet, every flower, all the wrapping paper that was used—even sometimes the note that came with it all. And the story never remained the same; it differed every time whether it was simple or bizarre, with no in-between.

Aurélien took a seat by the kitchen island as he exhaled a chuckle. "Okay, well, I went to the flower market as I usually do, and I requested a bouquet of flowers. I also gave her free reign to do whatever since I know you like a little variety. The florist asked who it would be for and I said my wife and showed her my lock screen for reference."

Turning off the tap, Y/N took a quick glance at his lock screen and her lips quickly quirked into a smile. The picture Aurélien had shown the florist was of them from their vacation the past summer. Aurélien had just won the Champions League with Real Madrid and Y/N had gotten newly promoted at her job. And those two things together just made it more leisurely to indulge in their favourite art forms on vacation by the seaside; a book in hand for Aurélien (literature) and an iPod for Y/N (music). It was nothing but good vibes. "That's a really good picture of us."

He turned his phone back to himself, letting his eyes trail over the picture and hummed softly. "It is. Anyways, she got to work and the rest is history." A beat before he tapped his palm against his chest, his smile now prideful. "Also, I think she finds me handsome."

Y/N tilted her head before folding her arms. "And what makes you say that?" She had no choice but to challenge his words. Not that she didn't believe Aurélien, that wasn't the case at all. The thing was, with him, there would always be doubt in unserious situations.

"Well, she told me. And here are the flowers requested for the handsome boy— that's what she said, I swear!" He exclaimed and glanced around the kitchen like he was looking for support when she tried to conceal her laughter behind her palm though failed terribly. Did she really have such little belief in him and his words?

She released her final laugh through an exhale, rubbing a hand over her heart to calm down. "Okay, my dear. You know what? You're absolutely, right." The way he sent banter her way a few moments ago, she could return it right back to him the same way.

"Yeah, you're right; I am right." There was playful debate in his voice though it soon dissipated when Y/N placed the large bouquet of flowers—now in the vase—on the kitchen island before leaning against it in front of him. It was then that he was reminded of the story he had yet to finish recounting. One of many stories that, whether one considered all factors or just one that made up his errand runs, had Y/N in mind. "But... if it makes you feel any better," he trailed on his words, pulling her closer by her hand, "she thinks you're beautiful too."

"What—" Before she had the space to question his words, Aurélien slipped a piece of paper in her free hand. She caught his gaze and observed him with wrinkled eyebrows. The want was there to question him about his words and discover the truth either through him or the slip of paper. In the end, however, she realised the slip of paper would be more truthful.

Sighing, she unfolded the slip of paper and after quickly reading it, she found that her voice had abandoned her.

order #1011 (for the handsome boy and his beautiful wife)

Noticing her hush, he nudged her side. Now was the perfect time to secure a win over her. "So you're not going to question me this time? You're not going to fact-check it or anything?"

Suddenly, all that was once bashful about Y/N became confident and outward. A faint smirk played at her lips. Still, some modest gratitude was there; behind her words, gaze and gentle touch. "I mean whether she said it or not, we all know it's true."

He shook his head with a low hum, but he couldn't stop a smile from budding on his face. 'Cause at the end of the day, when Aurélien sent jokes in Y/N's direction or he tried to challenge her in any way, the end goal always remained for him to realise her happiness into actuality. And considering her unwavering grinning, easily accepting his touch, her eye contact that was delightful, warm and overwhelmingly engaged with him—perhaps it was safe for Aurélien to pat himself on the back.

And it would always be an extra for him as her happiness would always be his. With a low but smooth voice, he admitted heartily, "Yeah... we do."

For a moment, he was mindful of the two and everything around them. The clear schedule for the day on the fridge, the merry couple themselves, the large bouquet of flowers, the two wedding bands – connected by their interlaced hands. Soon, he was reminded of today. The particular meaning of today's date and what it should mean for the two, despite the date slipping their notices from time to time. Either way, Aurélien bared his wife a smile, one fond yet solemn. "Happy anniversary, Y/N."

And, unapologetically, she matched his energy. Here in their shared home, in their kitchen, together by touch, there were feelings maybe only Aurélien and Y/N would ever know to understand and experience as a married couple. Squeezing his shoulder—a gesture of comfort and assurance—she breathed, "Happy anniversary, Aurélien."

For many a couple's anniversary, in almost every case, was special and remarkable. A blessing, something to celebrate, something to take beyond one's familiar walls with a reception (maybe depending on the number of years together). Something to spontaneously declare to strangers on the street, an occasion to spend a careless amount of money to emphasise the care one held for another. A mark of prolonged and unconditional dedication, resilience and most importantly, love.

But for Y/N and Aurélien, things were a little different. They were somewhat unorthodox, so outside the box that one could easily forget there was a box in the first place.

The two were far from the traditional mould that was a couple. While Y/N and Aurélien were together, while they have been married for some years—celebrating their 5th consecutive married year together—by the standards of a married couple, they weren't in love with each other. Whether by the fault of their own or universe, they didn't know and they stopped trying to understand the why some time ago.

Bound and bonded to one another legally and platonically (initially and still), and that was it. No pupils were dilating when one entered the room, nor were the two constellated stars gravitating towards one another in the vast expanse of the universe. None of that and less. Put simply, the two were best friends more than they were the standard husband and wife pairing.

Yet despite these interesting circumstances, what they had now was what they had wanted when they had first gotten together.

He raised their interlaced hands together into his vision and inspected their matching rings before pressing a kiss on hers. Pulling away, his facial expression now warmer and open to wandering conversation, he wondered, "Do... do you remember that day, when I proposed to you?" Aurélien scoffed out a small laugh. "I remember it well."

A flicker of recognition passed through Y/N's eyes, the memory in mind an imperfect blend of harder times and a cause for future contentment. She huffed out a humourless breath. "How could I forget? That's supposed to be our favourite day after all."

Normally, a marriage proposal day was sweet, romantic and thoughtful. Carefully planned out down to the ring and decor and all that way to the post-celebrations. An event to be surrounded by close family and friends, and later shared with strangers online. Y/N and Aurélien's engagement, however, really only highlighted the supposed flaws in their relationship or lack thereof. I mean wow, did they stray far beyond the ideal.

Before their relationship, a few days had two best friends consuming time together doing nothing and less. Having gone through separate break-ups within two weeks, the capacity to do anything remained null for both of them. To be discarded with no regard would always be a hard pill to swallow. It had been a period of agonising devastation and what felt like targeted heartache, the only instance where they had shared collective yet particular heartbreak.

The only thing that seemed to help one and vice versa was, well, the other. Knowing that they weren't alone in their misery was comforting. It made everything a little bit more bearable and breathing in and out easier. In time, all would be alright.

And it was one late night—contained in darkness by closed blinds with crappy reality TV as the only light source in the room, surrounded by scraps of treats and leftover takeaways, leaning on one another for comfort and companionship under a shared blanket—it was Aurélien who had laughed quietly and pondered, "What if we got married?"

He didn't plan on saying that, truly. Dazed and occasionally beyond his thoughts, he almost didn't register himself speaking those words; it had barely been a complete thought in his mind. It had been an ill-formed wonder that he just let out, believing that its influence would be inconsequential to the current and future circumstances. For a moment, he thought nothing of it.

But then Aurélien came out of his daze, returned to a rational mind—actually deeped what he had said—and realised that he had really meant them with a whole heart. He had been serious and he couldn't bring himself to retract what had been said. And when he turned to Y/N all he found were imaging feelings and expressions. A hint of confusion and surprise, but trust and favour in the indirect proposal.

And so that was it. From there, Aurélien and Y/N had their wedding a few months later. One surrounded by close family and friends, and later shared with strangers online.

Though when they did get married, they got married as two lifelong best friends. There had been no romantic or intimate love between them. Aurélien and Y/N made the dangerous assumption that once they grew and got settled in this new marriage, love would naturally follow. That with time they would fall in love. That they would finally see one another from different perspectives.

But none of that ever happened. Natural time and their own efforts tragically birthed nothing between the couple.

"But, like, I wouldn't change it for the world, you know," she said, letting a hand drift along the nape of his neck. "You know that right?"

Even though they weren't in love with one another and didn't traditionally love each other as a couple, they held no bitterness about it. Aurélien and Y/N didn't fault one another for it. There was no point when it was all beyond their control. After all, they never held anything romantic for each other in any light even when others thought otherwise. From when they had just been kids, passing through their adolescent years together to coming up as young adults. They had always been null of romantic love so they weren't exactly surprised that love was nowhere to be found years into their marriage.

Perhaps it was unfortunate to hear—and when they were reminded enough about it, sometimes it was momentarily blue for Aurélien and Y/N too—but they have accepted that they would never fall in love with one another and romantic love was beyond their reach. Instead, they chose to be content with being best friends who would spend the rest of their lives together. They chose to be content knowing one would never experience heartache and misery at the hands of the other. They found assured safety in one another.

For where they lacked sufficient love, their pre-existing best friend nature held the two closely together and stretched so far. It was extraordinary and absolute to the point where others often misperceived them to be the standard "loving" husband and wife pair.

'Cause when you have two people who longed for partnership due to others' expectations, constant upset in past relationships and aligned goals for and beyond oneself– that intimacy of shared experiences– all of a sudden the idea of marriage didn't sound so bad.

To hold a remarkable understanding for each other in a way that wasn't blurred by the delusions of love, to rest up with someone who had and would always want the best for the other since the beginning of time—it all made Y/N and Aurélien cherish themselves, each other and their relationship just a little bit more. It reduced the pressure to confide in a customary marriage.

And so despite their faults, they were happy and fulfilled, and that was all they needed. Well, at least for the most part.

Aurélien bit the inside of his cheek and expressed a strained grin as he nodded. He was trying to convince himself that he truly believed Y/N's word. Of course he wanted to, but those background thoughts always seemed to irk him one way or another. Obviously, she wouldn't drop our marriage for anything else... right? "Yeah. Of course... of course."

But Y/N saw Aurélien as he was. His gaze wandering presently and the mute unsteadiness in his tone and words weren't sufficient to convince her to move the conversation forward. Her eyebrows furrowed with worry. "I heard that, you know."

"Heard what?" He tried to keep her mind busy and away from the conversation. Maintaining his gaze with hers, letting his hand linger over her waist. Still, it all wasn't enough to keep her concerns for him at bay. In fact, they never had been enough.

"What I said." It was only after Y/N pronounced those words that she realised what she had said, what she was implying by voicing her worries. Her face fell as she detached herself from Aurélien and moved away from him. "You do believe I would trade our relationship for something else."

Aurélien's eyes widened as he shook his head. "What? No, no, no." He reached out for Y/N and thankfully she didn't refuse his touch. Though her reluctance was indeed there and present—the pronounced frown on her lips, slowly folding into herself—and that's what pained him the most. He was the cause of her sudden unwillingness towards him. He unravelled her arms over her stomach and wrapped his hands over hers. He ensured, "You have it all wrong, I promise. It's just in my head. Don't worry about it. Just forget what I said."

Soon, Y/N brought herself back to Aurélien and centred her focus on him again. He told her to forget everything he had just said, to not worry about it all. And she wanted to go along with what he was insisting. She wanted to think all is okay, my husband is telling the truth but she knew couldn't. While Aurélien wasn't an open book per se, he was unintentionally expressive when he assumed otherwise. So even if he said all was perfect and okay, she usually found that her concerns were justified and now was one of those dreadful times.

"You know I can't do that." A beat. "I'll always trust you. I try not to worry if you don't give me a reason to worry. But the fact you could barely say yes to me saying that I'm content with us being together..." Her voice drifted away as she inhaled a thin breath, "I don't know, but that sounds like something I should worry about. Come on, Auré. It's our anniversary. What's wrong?"

Aurélien rubbed his thumb over her hand and mumbled, "You don't want to hear this right now." While it may be the right thing to do, he didn't know if letting Y/N in would be the right thing for them right now. He didn't want to ruin the moment. Today—their anniversary—a day Y/N cherished far more than he did. The sober mood in their kitchen really made one forget the unique occasion for the day.

"Rest assured, I do." She chuckled a bit before saying, in a small voice, reassuring and welcoming as she invited Aurélien to stand up, "I always want to hear what you have to say." It was then that Y/N realised she had to put aside those initial emotions. If he were to lift up his voice and externalise his problems, he would need an embracing space, one void of judgement and assumption.

"Okay." Leaning back against the kitchen island, his eyes drifted to the flowers before quickly returning to Y/N, whose look upon him didn't falter from curiosity and intention. "You know... you know I wouldn't resent you if you ever wanted to pursue another relationship or... ended up falling in love with someone other than me." A broken expression laced his features. Aurélien never thought he would ever utter those words, speak these fears of his into existence or allow them to provoke havoc in his marriage. Yet here he was there, accomplishing the three all at the same time.

And that was evident, what they were about to do and cause when Y/N's neutral expression almost crumbled. "You think about that? Me leaving you one day?"

"It's not like I'm wishing for it to happen." Never in a million years. "I want you. I want us. But... even if you've never thought about it, I know that the chance is still there for you to be with someone else and I honestly wouldn't be mad." His shoulders slumped at the thought of everything. Still, Aurélien had enough willpower to offer his wife something of a smile though it failed to reach his eyes. "Probably upset sure but I would accept it. Anything to make you happy."

He wasn't upset with the state of their relationship. It was fine that they weren't actually in love with one another. In fact, he thought their dynamic only made them stronger and more resilient to certain conditions. What frightened Aurélien—what he could acknowledge—was the fact that this "loveless" marriage potentially made them more vulnerable to longing for love. That innocent and unintentional desire to fall in love and find their true love in someone else that wasn't each other.

At the beginning of the relationship the couple had agreed that, if one encountered those infrequent moments of inward desperation and desire for something, one could experience and explore intimacy beyond the marriage. However, Aurélien and Y/N quickly learned how to share, practice and experience intimacy beyond their love incapacities and they were exclusive to one another so the rule was scrapped before it would become a problem.

But the possibility was still there. Not for Aurélien though. After all, he had a firm distaste for the idea of looking for love in someone. He was the one who had declared that he had given up on love weeks before the two got together. But for not Y/N.

He saw Y/N and familiarised himself with her attributes. Even though she had agreed to his proposal, even though she was indeed his wife, that didn't stop her from still feeling deeply. Perhaps she sometimes wished to love deeply, too. She didn't want to stop feeling because of Aurélien and his inability to get over his past relationship trauma. Divorce was a viable option for her, and he would say nothing but agree. She could leave him behind if she really wanted to.

And that's what frightened Aurélien gravely. Not necessarily letting her go. But rather that maybe he was holding Y/N back. Stunting her chances of falling in love and being in a "real" marriage to provide his misery with company. He and their marriage—something he had initiated and imposed on her—could actively be stopping Y/N from forming meaningful connections with people beyond him.

Even though they had lengthy conversations by themselves and with family before going ahead with everything, he still wondered if she ever felt pressured to go along with his proposal. It didn't fail to cross his mind every now and then that she had only broken up with her ex-partner a week or so before he had dropped the question on her.

So it really made Aurélien question everything they had built up over the years. Was it fair for them to be in a relationship? To be married and not in love with each other even by the slightest when the prospect of experiencing both at the same time was still highly probable.

Emotional pain trekked up his throat yet Aurélien persisted. He cleared his throat. "You deserve to have the life you've always wanted, even if you realise it later in life."

Then there was silence. Aurélien expected more of a reaction from Y/N. Yet all she could muster up was a slight, "No."

"No?" His nose wrinkled up. "What— what do you mean?"

"I said no, Auré," she repeated, her words now more firm. "It hurts that you think so little of me." Then her voice softened, outward passion in her words. "I have everything I want with you yet you think I don't love the life I have with you?" Y/N didn't like that he was treating her with pity, acting like she was with him reluctantly. He couldn't be farther from the truth.

"I'm being serious here—"

"So am I! So serious in fact." Y/N inched closer to Aurélien but maintained a small distance between them. Close and just within reach. She questioned, "Tell me, honey. What about our marriage makes you think that I'm unfulfilled when I'm with you? You think our relationship is just a placeholder for me or something?" It was just all confusing to her. Why does he think I don't cherish him the same way he does with me?

Rubbing a palm over his face, Aurélien pushed out a breath. "Like I said, it's in my head." And that was all he could say. 'Cause even though he explained everything in full, his reasons were illogical. Y/N had yet to give him a valid reason for him to believe that she wanted to leave him in the near future. Still, these thoughts remained steady and piercing in his mind. In his heart, deep, deep down, he knew these thoughts had no real bearing on his relationship. Yet the great wonders of mind found a way to make the end of his marriage seem pending.

He was trying to dismiss the concern but she wouldn't have any of it. "And that's the worst place for it to be."

Y/N felt her body deflate. Suddenly, she was upset. Not because of what Aurélien had been thinking about her, himself and their relationship. But simply because he's been thinking those thoughts; the fact that they were his thoughts to carry and experience over and over when they came to mind. Thoughts he has had to come to terms with possibly. They have been festering his mind, expanding into further negative thoughts and making Aurélien question the state of their relationship, even if it was all unintentional on his part.

And what scared Y/N was that he'd been dealing with these thoughts inwardly by himself for God knows how long. So she didn't know the extent of them and how far they'd come since they first troubled Aurélien with doubt, and that just made it harder for her to know how far she should extend her hand to him. To let her husband know that he shouldn't give them any validation.

"It's just in your head but it's to the point where you have basically given me permission to leave everything we have behind if I wanted to."

"Yeah..."

Y/N nodded slowly, the gears in her head turning until she understood things a bit better than before. "Can I tell you how I feel, like truly?"

He saw no reason not to. "Tell me how you feel."

"I think we got a lot going for us, don't you think?"

He lightly tugged at his ear. "I mean sure... but like what exactly?"

"Well, let's see..." She strung out a sigh, seemingly thoughtful when really sarcastic. She began counting on her fingers. "I mean we are both stable and well-accomplished in our respective careers. We built and designed our home. We've been declared the favoured couple in our friend group. We're about to become godparents again. We reached all our goals last year and will probably do the same this year. We haven't missed one morning run this year yet. Let's see, uh— oh, we got an orange tree in our back garden."

"Yeah, we do have an orange tree." Aurélien couldn't help but laugh a bit. Of course, only Y/N would find meaning in something others would observe and judge as minuscule.

"Exactly. Here, come on." Y/N held out her arms, offering her embrace and he was quick to fall into them with ease.

Physical intimacy was one of the few normal aspects that remained present in their non-traditional relationship. And even though it was habitual, he always found himself longing for it specifically from Y/N. Longing to fall into her embrace when he finally got to see her after a match. Longing for her touch when he woke up and before he went to bed for the day. It reminded him that there would always be someone for him to intimately lean on.

And when she accepted his touch with open arms—'cause she had yet to deny him—it reminded Aurélien that he wasn't alone in this relationship when he was made to feel otherwise.

Pulling away to face him, she asked, "Can I speak frankly?" When he nodded, she continued. "I'm not saying we're better or worse than other people for having what we have or whatever. I'm just saying this..." Her hands drifted from his shoulders to his cheeks, holding onto his face dearly. She regarded him in a similar way; a tender gaze evident in her adoring eyes and smile, and all directed towards him. "I choose you— this right here."

"You can obviously out-pace me by flying colours during our runs but still choose to run by my side. You take our oranges and give them to your friends when ripening season comes around. You take the time to celebrate me for the small wins I get. You took the initiative to build us up when we were technically nothing.

"I mean c'mon, Auré." Her laugh fluttered with wonder. Does he really not know much he means to me? His potential, his force of nature? Then Y/N settled her voice before she declared softly, "If you were the last person on Earth, it would be enough. I would choose you, me and the way that we are over and over and over again. In every universe, in every scenario, I choose you. I always have and will have faith in us until we are no more. You hear me?"

What Y/N understood better was that she needed to shift the focus away from what possibly could be to what already was. Aurélien needed to hear that he wasn't some placeholder for some bigger plans. That he was here with her now and that's how she wanted it to be for years to come. That their matrimony was just and would be long-lasting. That she shined brightly and never dimmed but only because he was the sun. That she was a whole lot by herself but he made her better in every way possible. That he contributed just as much as she did to their relationship. In fact, he contributed to her person in more ways than she could count.

He also validated her as his wife in a lot of ways too. He taught her that there were kinder ways of saying her name. He always came into the kitchen hungry for her food and company. It was him who opened her eyes to the practicalities of a routine. At any time if she asked it of him, he would get behind her and hug her and breathe her in and turn her around and kiss her with life and purpose, ultimately making Y/N feel like she was a lovable woman.

And with all of that in mind, she wouldn't receive their situation in any other way. Aurélien and YN were imperfectly right for one another.

"Yeah. I do, I do." Aurélien had his face pressed up against her palm as he watched and listened to her fondly. 'Cause he was grateful. Grateful for her words that were exclusive to him, her faith in him—in them as an imperfect pair—and her ability to fill his once miserable day with positivity. And it was worth it considering it was their anniversary.

"I'm glad you understand – as you should," she said, patting his shoulders. "Also I know it doesn't make me feel any kind of way but I mean look at you," Y/N gestured to his covered figure, causing Aurélien's laughter to echo around the room. Not being in love romantically didn't mean they couldn't acknowledge or care for each other's aesthetic fronts. It just all came with a lack of explicit feelings, sometimes none at all.

"But look at you."

"He's doing it again," she rolled her eyes with a cheeky grin as Aurélien pulled her back towards him. She hummed, appreciating the intimacy in their closeness. All was okay, all seemed okay between the two. Still, Y/N chose to reassure that, "We're okay. We're fine just the way we are. 'Cause at the end of the day, even with our faults, we can still be the handsome guy and his beautiful wife."

"You're not letting that go, huh?" Aurélien leaned his head back but a small wave of laughter came over him regardless. He couldn't even blame her if he wanted to; he was the same some minutes ago.

She gave him a pointed look, some elements of satire under the cover. "You're really gonna criticise a girl while she celebrates her and her husband's 5th anniversary?"

He seemed to wear an expression of vague amusement. "I think I can 'cause, I don't know, I'm said husband."

"Exactly," Y/N said, her voice warm and delicate. She directed a grin towards him and he returned it generously before they shared a pleasant embrace. "How lucky am I?"

Truly, it didn't matter that they couldn't harbour any romantic feelings for one another. 'Cause behind their favouring regards laid admiration, fulfilment and fondness in abundance and beyond. All enough and more to keep Aurélien and Y/N intertwined with one another indefinitely. And if they ever found themselves lost and separated, they would give over a lifetime to finding each other again.

[smgsyndicate]

Some Things Lost

Rain Ghoul Centric Amnesia Fic

Featuring Poly Ghouls Omega, Aether, Dewdrop, Mountain, and Rain

Before Phantom era

Small warnings for medical talk + amnesia + GAYYY + mentions an IV like . Once lmao

Idk if I want to finish this but if you wanna see more let me know :)

It's eyes opened in a flash, pupils dilating to accommodate the blinding white of the walls surrounding it. It - .. no, he couldn't stop a hiss of pain from slipping through his teeth, arms weak and shaking as they struggle to support his weight as he sits up. Cerulean eyes squeeze shut, trying to block out the light and the mounting headache seemingly caused by them.

"No- no- hey, slow down there. You're going to hurt yourself more." A soothing voice to his right said. The eyes opened again, body relaxing once they took in the space that's now dimly lit. He looked over to who was speaking, a tall and built quintessence ghoul, worriedly looking at him as if he would fade away in a moments notice. The being tilted his head, not sure what's quite going on. Unintelligently, he mumbles a small pained, "ow.."

The quint tries to fight down a chuckle but ultimately fails, a small but genuine smile gracing his features. It thinks the ghoul's smile is pretty. It suits him. He blinks, focusing back in as the bigger ghoul... Is he a ghoul too? Is he even a he? .. They blink . Again . Eyes focusing once again on the quint. "Rain, come on... That's it, there you go. Stay present. Stay here with me, okay?"

It lets out a small sound of confusion, head tilting. "Rain? It's raining? .. I like the rain I think ... But I'm definitely not moving. My head hurts." They mumble, hand moving to try and touch their head. The ghoul looks more worried than before, gently catching his hand and moving it away from his head. "No- no Rain, you can't touch that. Your bandages need to stay on for at least another day... Do you know who I am?"

'Rain' takes the moment to really study the other's features. A strong and large build, but not particularly muscular. Something tells him the other is very comfortable to lay on and is a great source of warmth, but when he tries to chase the train of thought, he winces in pain as his headache stabs back in defiance. A name draws blank in his mind, nothing familiar.

It slowly shakes it's head no, looking down in shame. It's eyes widen at the sight of plain white sheets and something sticking out of its arm. The smell of chemical is more distinct and it can identify the annoying insistent beeping of some machine. They look at there arm, seeing it connected through an IV to some sort of fluid.

The IV starts to feel itchy, so they try and pull it out only for the quintessence ghoul to stop them with a panicked noise. "Okay ... I think you have some sort of amnesia... But it's hard to tell what kind at this very moment, so I .." He frowns, sighing with an emotional shake in his voice. "We're going to take care of you Rain. We will help you relearn and hopefully get your memories back. You ... You were in a bad accident, but you're going to be okay. It's.. it's going to be okay."

They feel bad, a hesitant and remorseful expression on their face as if they want to ask a question. The other ghoul fights back their own emotions, trying to appear put together. "What do you want to ask?" It feels something on their head lower in embarrassment and they meekly ask, "Am.. I Rain?"

If it thought things couldn't feel worse, it was just proven wrong. The heart shattering expression on the other's face made it backpedal on its words. "Oh- I uhm. I was just joking! I ..." They fumbled over their words, trying to figure out how to make it better. The quint just took their hands in his, shaking his head silently to request them to stop speaking. "No, it's okay. You don't need to lie. If anything, I need you to tell the truth. .. Let's do quick introductions then, how about that?"

It nodded, hoping this ghoul could explain more about what's happening and why they're in the infirmary wing instead of their room. They hiss, trying to grip at their head as a stabbing pain starts up again. How did they know this was an infirmary and not a hospital? They have a room here? The quintessence ghoul quickly moves their hand away from their head, making gentle shushing sounds and soothing coos.

"Shh.. hey... It's okay.. it's okay... Don't try and force yourself to remember... It'll make it worse.." The other says apologetically. It makes their head hurt more. Why is he sorry? "Alright, I'll go first. My name is Aether, and I'm a quintessence ghoul. We are in a band together, which I play rhythm guitar for. I like the colour purple and astronomy. Your turn, if you're comfortable?" The ghoul nods slightly, 'Aether's' encouraging and hopeful tone spurring them on.

"My name is .. Rain ... And I . I'm in a band. I like the colour azure.. and ... My favourite song is Con Clavi?" Rain says with hesitation. Aether's proud and happy smile makes his tail wag, glad to know that he made the other happy. "Yes! Good job, Rain! You're also a water ghoul and you also play bass! Does that sound familiar?" The bigger ghoul's tail wags a bit as well, the basic memory inclining that it's not all memories, just sporadically missing pieces.

Rain shrugs with a small nod. "I guess? I don't know.." He mumbles self consciously, hands finding their way to the thin white sheets and rubbing them between his fingers anxiously. Aether's eyes soften when he catches the movement, tone gentler than before when he speaks. "It's alright. We will help you. It's going to be alright."

The whole situation feels like reliving a memory for Aether, having been the main one to guide Rain through the confusing life on Earth after his initial summoning. He sees himself and his role in the pack as a protector and a caretaker, happy to be that for his fellow ghouls that he loves and cares for so much. Right now, he sees that timid but oh so fierce water ghoul that once stood trembling but claws readied in middle of the summoning circle.

He struggles to see the confident but subdued personality he's come to grow used to as Rain got more comfortable being in this strange moral realm. Still, Aether manages a smile. "I'll leave you to rest then, but I'll be nearby. Call me, or press that button if you need anything, alright?" Rain looks thoughtful before nodding, honestly just thankful to have a moment to himself to try and process everything he's just been told.

As Aether goes to move away he hesitates before pushing a stray hair from Rain's bangs out of his face, kissing him lightly on the temple before stepping away with a longing and sorrowful expression. He exits the room, closing the door and pausing there before his breathing hitches and the first wave of tears roll down his cheeks.

The quintessence ghoul wipes them away with his arm angrily, upset at himself for mourning someone who can still be saved. Rain's not... Gone.. He's just... ... Aether's breathing stutters and he lets his weight rest against the door, slowly sliding to the floor with silent sobs. His water ghoul is still there, he just has to help him remember... But it's so.. painful watching someone revert to a husk of their former self.

Omega, one of the older quintessence ghouls in the ministry, was doing his rounds in the infirmary. He had heard about the situation with Rain and his injuries but hadn't learned the full extent. He went to check up on the newest water ghoul, eyes widening in alarm upon finding the crying quint. He rushes over, dropping to his knees next to Aether, quickly wrapping the smaller ghoul in a hug.

The position was awkward and definitely not super comfortable, but it was comforting and that's enough. Aether's silent cries became ugly sobs, crying into his mentor's chest while Omega tried to calm him down, running his fingers through his hair and lacing his touch with quintessence.

The ex-guitarist's mind raced with probabilities and statistics. The damage couldn't have been so severe as to kill Rain, could it? But the normally put-together quint in his arms suggested otherwise. "What's going on, nova?" He asked softly, knowing he needed the space to vent. Aether finally seemed to catch his breath, sniffling and using the heel of his palm to wipe the tears from his eyes.

New ones grew back in the old one's place, but he didn't seem to care. "Not... Not here." He whispered, voice breaking with the flood of emotions. Omega just nodded gently, helping the other to his feet. The rhythm ghouls make their way to the small office tucked away in the corner of the infirmary wing.

Aether lets himself fall into the chair, fighting back the tears again so he can explain to Omega what's going on. He takes a deep breath and steels himself, preparing to elaborate. "As you may know, better than anyone, some people in the clergy weren't so happy with Copia becoming Papa..." Omega winces, lips twitching into a frown as he remembers the gruesome dethroning of his Papa.

Aether brushes his tail against Omega's leg apologetically, a silent understanding lingering between them for a few moments. "There was a ... A trap. Set up for Copia. But Rain..." Aether closes his eyes and lets his head fall back against the chair, hands gripping the arm rests as he tries to think of his next words. "Rain took the hit instead." He lets out a breath, a small whine slipping out alongside it. "No one knows if it was on purpose or not. He's, thankfully, going to be okay but.. his memory is all messed up and now there's a whole investigation going on, trying to figure out who's trying to hurt Papa and-"

Omega cuts him off with a hug, one that Aether easily leans into. His shoulders shake with the weight of his cries as he lets Omega comfort him again in such a short amount of time. "I'm sorry-" The older quint cuts him off quickly.

"Don't be. You have nothing to apologize for. Grieving for what you've lost does not make you weak, as long as you remember to cherish what you currently have. Dead flowers cause the moon to weep, but it's the new rain mixed with the compost that allows the new flora to flourish, in turn feeding the fauna. Everything will work out just fine, starlight."

Aether can't fight a smile from forming on his face, a wet laugh leaving him. "Where did all that just come from?" Omega stammers for a moment, flustered a bit but laughin along with him. "I thought it was a good metaphor! I thought I did great!" He says defensively, but his tone is so light and the large smile tells Aether he wasn't actually offended.

"It was. You did great, Megs." Aether says genuinely, vulnerability slipping into his tone as the laughter subsides. Aether gently holds Omega's face in his hands, gently pulling him closer for a quick kiss. "Thank you... I needed to hear that I think." Omega flushes, always shy under affection. "Uh.. yeah... No problem..."

The shy behaviour from his mentor is enough to lift the rhythm guitarist's spirits again. "I could use a second opinion, if you have a moment? I'm suspecting some retrograde amnesia, but I haven't tested if he remembers our conversation from earlier. He had difficulties remembering things about himself and me. He even said his favourite song was Con Clavi Con Dio! Can you believe it?" He said with a slight edge of hysteria in his voice.

Omega can't help the small chuckle at Aether's exasperation at the favourite song choice, but is mentally revising all the medical knowledge he has aqquired. While the exasperation is mostly for show, it was worrying to hear since anyone who had been around the bassist long enough knew that his favourite song was by far Prime Mover.

On one of his very few interactions alone with the quiet ghoul, he had been witness to a long winded explanation on why the bass line in particular was one of his favourites to play and how the drum track lined up in such a way that it was fun to perform as well. It's one of his favourite memories he has of the water ghoul, having thoroughly enjoyed that conversation.

"Well, let me see the patient." Omega says in his best professional voice, cracking a smile when Aether laughs at him. The closer they get to Rain's room, the more Aether's tail lowers with anxiety. Omega intertwines his tail with Aether's, pressing a kiss to his cheek in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. When they're outside the door, they can hear voices from inside. Aether's eyebrows furrow as he opens the door, eyes wide in surprise as he sees Mountain speaking to a clearly confused and distraught Rain.

"And you're so stupid for that. I mean, honestly! Taking a hit like that? You're lucky I wasn't there or that sibling of sin would've been dead five times over, and then some. Papa should have body guards anyways! Why did you take the hit? Or, did they sneak up on you? How! You're a ghoul! A damn smart one too! You're luck you're so pretty or else I'd ... I'm not sure, but stop worrying me so much I-" Aether clears his throat, hand resting on the taller ghoul's shoulder.

Mountain growls at Aether before it dies off in his throat as he sees the serious look on the normally joyful quint. The guitarist moves away from Mountain, heading over to the bed where Rain still sits, looking confused and slightly scared. "Hey, Rain. Remember me?" The bassist nods, a small but nervous smile on his face. "Y. Yeah... Uhm.. Whats going on?" He says sheepishly, eyeing the tall drummer with caution.

The Earth ghoul has the right to look offended, going to retort playfully as he normally would, but Omega shakes his head discouragingly at him, mouthing for him to keep quiet for now. Aether sits on the chair next to the bed, humming as he thinks of where to start. "Well.. this is Mountain, say hello Mountain." The drummer looks on in quiet confusion before saying a quiet greeting.

Aether smiles encouragingly at that, chuckling slightly at Rain's shy wave. "And my name is Omega." The older quint introduces, nodding in a respectful way as a greeting. Rain nods at that. "I know." Aether blinks in surprise. "You remember Omega?" Rain looks at Aether in confusion. "Of course! He taught Dew bass, remember? Then Dew taught me." He said confidently, as if Aether was the one misremembering things.

While it's true that Omega taught Dewdrop and then Dew taught Rain, it didn't make sense why he would remember Dew and Omega but not Mountain and Aether. Mountain's eyes widen as he realizes the situation. "He.. Can't remember everything?" Omega nods solemnly, moving to hold the Earth ghoul's hand comfortingly. "Not quite. But we're trying to fix it... Though that doesn't explain why he knows me but not you two."

Rain looks between the ghouls, staring at their joined hands. He feels a sting of emotion, something akin to anger or... Jealousy? He grips his head, hissing as his headache flares. Aether gently soothes him into laying down again, trying to ease the pain with traces of his element. "It's alright, like I said, don't push yourself too hard. We don't want you to permanently damage your brain."

The water ghoul's eyes widen. "I can do that?" He asks softly, voice laced with real fear. Aether curses under his breath, quickly shaking his head. "No! No, you can't. I just.. I was trying to get you to calm down." He says rushedly. Rain relaxes marginally at that, but still bites at his lip anxiously. "Now to figure out what's going on with your memory patterns.."

"I might have an idea." Mountain suggests. Aether looks at the drummer with a look of confusion. The quint has way more medical knowledge than the other, there's no way he could figure it out but Rather couldn't. "Well... Go on then." Omega encourages, intrigued.

"He doesn't remember me or Aether, but he remembers you and Dew, right?" The other ghouls nod in agreement, not sure where this is leading. "But he can form new memories and is just struggling with the past.." He continues. Aether's gets impatient, anxiety mounting. "Please just get to the point."

Mountain puts his hand up defensively, the other still laced with Omega's. "Okay, okay.." He takes a breath. "I could be wrong, but he might only remember the older era ghouls." Aether looks at him with a deadpan expression. Mountain is quick to elaborate. "He said he remembers Dew, but that doesn't mean he knows him after the element change... Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Omega's eyes widen as he processes the new information, running over the idea in his mind. "He knows Dew but only as a water ghoul, when me and him were in the band together. That's why he mentioned learning bass from him, because the water element is linked to the instrument!" Mountain nods in agreement. "We could call for Dew and test that theory-" "No."

Mountain looks over at Aether in confusion. "Wha-" "I said no." Aether's fist clenches as he takes a breath to calm down. "I love Dew, but we remember how he was to Rain after the change." Omega frowns, speaking up on his own thoughts. "Aren't they close now?" Rain looks on, lost as he tried to follow the conversation about him as if he's not right there. "Yes but.. what if Rain just remembers him when he was an asshole? I can't subject him to that right now! He's much too fragile in this state and-"

Rain clears his throat, the sound quieter than he wished for it to be, but he supposes it's fine since it made the quint pause. "I'm able to think for myself, you know. I don't know how you know me but if Dew is there, I'd like to talk to him. He was the best teacher I could ever ask for- ... No offence, Megalodon." He says sheepishly, using the old nickname for Omega in hopes it wouldn't upset the other rhythm guitarist.

Omega frowns slightly at the meek behaviour, not used to the shy Rain. He tries a placating smile, hoping to ease Rain's anxiety. "None taken." He says truthfully, not minding in the slightest.

The way Rain talks about Omega and Dew makes Aether believe his memories must be somewhere right before the element change, since Dew was still a water ghoul when teaching Rain bass. It was only after the change where Dew felt aggression towards the newer summon, redirecting the pain to anger.

Aether sighs, resting his head in his hands and closing his eyes to steady his thoughts. Would it be better to try and jog his memory or try and avoid it? The rhythm guitarist hasn't dealt with any amnesia or brain trauma patients, the territory unfamiliar and terrifying. Especially since it's someone so close to him.

However, Rain did have a point. Even if Aether wanted to keep Dew away, Rain is still in charge of his own life and his physical health doesn't seem to be at risk by allowing him to see the ex-bassist. With a reluctant frown, he texts Dew that Rain is awake and wants to see him. The quint makes sure to specifically warn Dew that the injured water ghoul may not have any recent memories of him, and may not even be aware of the element transition.

The read receipt pops up, showing that the fire ghoul is either reading the text or has already read it. The typing bubbles pop up for a few moments before disappearing and reappearing again. Aether's grip on the phone is tight and nervous, Omega coming over to gently run his fingers through the smaller quint's hair reassuringly.

Rain looks to Mountain with a pleading expression. "So.. I can see him?" The earth ghoul nods, moving over to the side of the bed and nudging Aether's foot with his to silently make him move so Mountain can have the chair next to the bed. "Yeah. We're just waiting on him to text back and let us know when he'll be here-" The door is slammed open and Dew pants lightly as if he just ran here. "... Well, I guess he's here now." Mountain says with amusement.

Aether looks at his phone, making sure he didn't miss a text. The typing bubbles never turned into words, making the quint look at Dew in confusion. The fire ghoul waves him off, pushing past him and Omega to get to the bed. He hops onto the end of the mattress, looking at the water ghoul with what seems to be a nonchalant expression, but Omega can see that he's heavily scanning the bassist for injuries and signs of distress

"So, you made it out alive, huh?" Dew says teasingly, trying to guage how Rain is doing based on the response. A flicker of recognition sparks in those cerulean eyes, a real and genuine smile on his face for the first time since Mountain has visited. "Of course I did. I can't die that easily. This is the skin of a killer, Bella!" He says with fake seriousness, a laugh bubbling from his throat before he can stop it.

Mountain's tail wags a little at hearing the cute little squeaks in his packmate's laugh, happy to hear he's feeling better. Even if Rain has no memory of Mountain, the Earth ghoul would rather have the bassist happy and content over anything else in the whole world. Nothing is more important to Mountain than his pack's wellbeing.

Omega looks between Dew and Rain with a confused expression, blinking incredulously. "You.. remember watching Twilight, but not Aether." Rain goes to retort but pauses, brows furrowing in confusion and concentration. "I .. I don't know? It just felt natural.." He mumbles, his joyful demeanor diminishing almost instantly.

Mountain frowns, trying to think of a way to cheer him up again. Dew beats him to it. "Maybe your half of a brain will start working once you get some food in you. Have you eaten yet? I mean, I know I call you fish stick for a reason but you seriously need some meat on your bones or something." Rain huffs and clicks at him with indignation. "Coming from you? That's rich! ... But uhm. Yeah, I'm starving." He says shyly at the end.

Omega grabs Aether's hand and guides him to the door. "I'll get some food started for you guys then, okay? Rain, you should be all clear to go. Just make sure you're with someone so if something happens you have help.. Come on, supernova." He says gently, guiding the emotionally drained quint out of the room with him. Rain makes a displeased cringing face at Omega's words, hissing out what seems to be a mocking impression under his breath. He's clearly displeased about how fragile everyone is treating him.

Dew chuckles and stretches dramatically, resting on top of the water ghoul. "Relax. They just care about you, that's all. They're stupid idiots who don't understand your strength, sure, but they're also incredibly worried about you... Or somethin, I dunno." He says genuinely for a moment before throwing back on his causal persona. Mountain rolls his eyes, watching as the fire ghoul slowly applies more pressure by laying on top of the now squirming water ghoul who pushes weakly at him with laughter.

The drummer scruffs the back of Dew's shirt, hauling him off the giggling bassist. "Thanks, M!" He chirps out happily, tail wagging as he taunts the restrained guitarist. "Watch yourself, Rain. I'm planning my revenge." Dewdrop growls out, but his tail wags playfully just as much. He squirms more until Mountain puts him down. "Behave." The taller ghoul says with a teasing tone.

Mountain's eyes dart over to Rain as the bassist tries to move off the bed. He gently moves Dew out of the way, helping the injured ghoul to his feet and carefully removing the IV for him. He double checks that Rain is alright and can stand on his own, before taking a step back. .. he then steps forward again and triple checks, his worry for his packmate overtaking his logic. "Dude, he's fine. See?" The fire ghoul throws a pillow at Rain, watching as the bassist blinks in shock for a moment before trying to lunge at the other.

The Earth ghoul sighs, but it's just for show. He smiles as he quietly asks Rain if he can carry him, the water ghoul looking at him hesitantly before nodding and wrapping his arms around the drummer's neck as he's picked up. Dew takes the time to be a little nuisance, poking at Rain until Mountain glares at him with enough of a threat to make him back off with a self satisfied smirk.

"Don't worry, dragonfly. No one will hurt you when I'm here."

[ll7esxs]

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶

The first "I love you" in the relationship [requested]

characters: Logan walker, Hesh walker, Keegan russ, kick

notes: SFW content, kinda chessy for me since i love angst more than this shit but whatever man whatever this fandom wants

Logan walker:

yeah you are the first who is going to say it don't argue with me.

Logan struggles with words and would never rush into saying it.

tbh i think logan has never had partners in his life :(, he kept training not knowing anything about love.

sometimes i think hesh is the one who couraged him to date and elias too, telling him that he has been more than 30 years serving for this country and even though.

elias controlled and balanced the love and working with his mother.

It happens A late-night moment at home, when he’s quiet but seems lost in thought.

I think when you have been dating for months? like more than 8 months.

You’re curled up against Logan, watching, but he’s barely paying attention. His mind is elsewhere—probably thinking about a mission he can’t talk about.

You run your fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp gently. He sighs closing his eyes, leaning into your touch and getting out of the blurred world he was in.

"I love you, you know that?" you said lifting your head up to look at him.

Logan freezes,oh boy even his body tensing slightly against you, you can feel that already.

Logan’s eyes widen slightly, like he wasn’t expecting it—even though he’s felt it for a while.

He takes a deep breath, trying to find the right words but failing.

Instead of answering right away, he gently pulls you into his arms, holding you tighter than usual. After a short pause, he finally murmurs, “…I love you too.” which made you smile into his arm, you were proud of that to let this sweet boy speak of his feeling.

Later, he shows it rather than says it—staying close, kissing you, covering you in blanket when he thinks you're asleep, and making sure you’re always safe.

because words aren’t enough, but he hopes you can feel it.

Hesh walker:

he will say it first, But he blurts it out impulsively.

hesh is the one with partners but i see he had 3 or 2? and they weren't that serious they didn't reach that level with him.

but since he is a grown ass man (28) he found you

going out with him for classic dates.

It happenes in a playful moments while teasing each other.

in the kitchen, you kept arguing playfully talking back to him gahly! he thinks to himself how did i get with a woman like this.

"god you're impossible...I love you" he said with a soft shrug hands on his hips looking down smiling.

he said it without thinking, The moment he realizes what he just said, he freezes, eyebrows raising slightly like "Well… guess that’s out now."

and you had butterflies and bugs in your stomach like hello? did this handsome just tell me that??

"oh my god david?!" you said with a happy chuckle, heart already out of your chest "you just said this!!".

you wanted to step closer to him, He watches your reaction closely, trying to act all cool and confident but is secretly panicking inside.

you shaking your head while holding his face, which lead him to hold both your arms. "I love you too!"

his grin turns soft, and he pulls you in for a tight hug, whispering, "Good. ‘Cause I’m not going anywhere."

totally forgetting about the baking yall been making out. (wtf did i just type)

Keegan russ:

bro why is it so hard to write keegan, like this man is a hella mystery.

you are the one who said it sorry, cuz Keegan is way too guarded to say it first.

why i think he thought about his job first before you like he hates it if you are involved with someone like him, what if something danger happened to you because of him?he is way too cautious.

but because of those damn eyes of yours the weakest thing he will do is keeping you with him.

how did it happenes? late night walking, this man adores these times secretly especially after he has been with ya.

i think he ended up with a talk active partner? but no that much, he is just a listener and a talker sometimes.

you like it when he talks, his creative words and the sarcasm he is using making you say unbelievable about him.

He had insisted on walking you home—not out of obligation, but because it was simply in his nature.

When you reached your doorstep, you turned, your fingers curling around the doorknob. The soft glow of the porch light cast sharp shadows across his face, accentuating the sharp angles of his jaw, the glint of something unreadable in his eyes. (lord have mercy i got too much in details)

“Well, kid," his deep voice rumbled through the quiet, rough yet familiar, "guess I’ll see you around.”

You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips, warmth flickering in your chest at the easy finality in his tone. He turned, hands tucked into his pockets, ready to disappear into the night like he always did. (bro is batman but he never tell you that)

“Keegan?” The name left your lips before you could think twice, barely above a whisper, but it was enough to make him stop.

His shoulders stiffened for the briefest moment before he turned back to you, his lightened gaze steady.

You didn’t wait any longer—you just walked up to him, arms wrapping around his neck. His eyes met yours, and God, it was so hard to be honest while looking into them. It seemed just as hard for him.

He was stunned, motionless, but his gaze remained stoic, unreadable.

“I love you,” you murmured, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He took a moment, then let out a stiff chuckle. “Must be the champain messing with your little head.”

“Shut up. I said it… I love you.” The second time, your voice was firmer. That’s when his eyes softened, a rare smile tugging at his lips—your first time seeing him like this. Gentle.

For a long time, he doesn’t speak. The silence stretches, heavy—almost unbearable.

Then, finally, he whispers—so quiet you almost miss it.

His fingers close over yours, grip tightening as if grounding himself in the moment.

He exhales, then presses a lingering kiss to your knuckles, the warmth of it seeping into your skin.

“…I love you too.”

Then he went to the shadows of the streets and after that time, you never see him again...

im joking bye.

Kick:

Kick is always aware—sharp, cautious, both in his military work and personal life. Nothing slips past him.

He never talks about his partner. He’s a ghost, a skillful one. Never caught, never seen unless he wants to be. Have you seen the kill list? He’s needed, and yet the feds can’t find him.

He doesn’t have trust issues, not exactly—but he’s careful. Always watching, always a step ahead. Especially when it comes to his relationships.

He even hesitated to date you, afraid you’d get hurt because of his work—afraid that if anything happened, he’d never forgive himself. Not even in death.

But he went for it anyway. Because he knew how to protect you. He kept you far from enemies, tracked every possible threat—all without you even knowing. He was secretive like that.

Man fuck the enemies he thought, he is in his 30s and we live one time why don't just have a partner in ur life?.

Not even the gang knew he had a partner. Only Merrick, who one day casually let it slip in front of him—like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

So he said it it just slips out casually not knowing the effect he will do on ya.

He said it during a random completely unromantic moment.

He doesn’t even realize what he said until your eyes widen. "Oh, damn. Did I just say that?"

You shrugged, still shocked. “Uhm… yeah, you did!” You shook your head, trying to process it.

He tried to play it off, acting like it was no big deal. “Well, yeah, of course I love you. Have you seen yourself?”

You couldn’t find the words. Your eyes softened as you looked at him, still stunned, heart pounding in your chest.

But when he saw you getting emotional, the act dropped. He smiled—small, genuine—and muttered, “Alright… yeah. I love you. For real.”

And later, he proved it. Small, silent acts of devotion—fixing things for you without being asked, making sure your coffee was just right, staying up just to watch you sleep peacefully.

[basofy]

i think you can be as critical about the venezuelan opposition and maría corina and edmundo as you want but arent venezuelans allowed to choose for themselves even if the options arent perfect? are you willing to justify electoral fraud and police brutality, class inequality, bad management of resources, lack of maintenance of the country, breach of the law, lack of investment in health services and education etc etc just because the person doing it is someone you like or because you don't like the other option? are people at fault for wanting something different?

[messytoplipkisses]

hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now

[chocolate-cream-soldier]

-.-

[wasabikitcat]

Has anyone in this Olympics women's boxing argument ever stopped and thought about whether it would make any sense for women to be more susceptible to being injured in boxing than men? Like sure, it's a fairly common assumption that men are physically stronger than women, and therefore a man would have an advantage at boxing because he can punch harder... But how would that make you more resilient to being punched in the nose? Like I would think the assumed advantage would be that women can't hit as hard and therefore would require more effort to take someone down, but what everyone is arguing over is a woman having her nose broken from a punch to the face, when a man's nose would be just as broken from the same punch. Women don't have like, daintier and weaker facial bones or something. Being punched in the face "by a man" when you're a woman is literally no different than being punched in the face by the same person as a man. If we are to assume that men (note: the person being debated about here isn't a man or even a trans woman, she is cisgender, but I digress) are so Herculean that their punches are just too dangerous for women, then men's boxing should be banned outright because it's just too dangerous for men to be punching each other with that strength when a punch to the face is exactly the same for a man as it is to a woman.

[getting-messi]

BREAKING NEWS🚨🚨🚨🚨

I AM ALIVE!!!🥳🤩💃🏾💃🏾

[cloverapple]

Thank you for posting! Reading your stuff is a lot of help, and your shifting method is awesome sauce i've been using it for the past two nights (the reasons for why I didn't shift i'm self-aware of and will proceed accordingly, not writing it down here because i feel like it's unneccesarry and don't think you can say much abt it) what I was curious if you could give advice about is: fear of shifting? Don't get me wrong i really want to shift. Been on this journey for years for a reason! And i think soon i'll finally do it, as i've never been as consistent, putting in actual work, as I am and as I do now. Last night, when body was truly asleep and it was just only me, I did my thing trying to shift. And suddenly this weight settled on me, as if the world was too big and too heavy, and i immediately thought "I can't do this" and rolled over with the decision to just simply sleep. Today i talked with a friend about this, and he said it's probably "a fear of shifting, a fear of responsibility", and honestly I agree with this take. Of course I will try again tonight, and will keep doing so until I can push through this feeling and actually shift, but i was wondering if you had a word of advice? Thank you <3

• The way I see the fear of shifting is like: that fear you felt right before the shift wasn’t a failure, it was a sign you were right there.

• Think about it: why would your mind suddenly scream "I can’t do this!" and slam the brakes when you were on the edge of what you’ve been working toward? It’s because, on some level, your subconscious knew shifting was about to happen.

• It accepted it as real, as possible, and that’s exactly when the fear kicked in. That fear isn’t about shifting being impossible, it’s your mind clinging to the familiar, trying to protect you from stepping into something that it's your current reality. Our brains are wired to favor what we know, even if what we know isn’t what we want. It’s like standing at the edge of a cliff with a parachute—you know the parachute will open, but the ground beneath your feet still feels safer.

• So, no, you didn’t fail. Don’t look at that fear as a blockage because it’s not. It’s a precedent to progress, a signpost that you're on the brink of success. Fear is just your mind’s way of saying, "This is real."

To work through it: First, understand that fear is just another form of anxiety—and anxiety, at its core, is the same physiological response as excitement. The only difference is the story you tell yourself about it. When you feel that fear creeping in during the day, don’t shove it down. Let yourself feel it, but flip the script. Visualize the moments you’re genuinely excited for in your DR. Happy, comforting, exciting things that make you want to shift. Feel how easily that fear morphs into anticipation. Emotions are malleable, and once you start associating that tension with excitement instead of dread, you’ll find it easier to move forward.

What you really need to do if fear is your issue, is let go. Stop putting shifting on this towering pedestal. Yes, it’s amazing, but it’s also normal. The more you treat it like this huge, mystical event, the more your mind will see it as something to fear. Shift your perspective. Talk about it like it’s just another part of your day, think of it as routine, affirm it as something natural. Trick your brain into seeing shifting as regular and unexciting, and it’ll stop resisting. Because at the end of the day, shifting isn’t some impossible feat. It’s just you becoming aware of another space you already belong in.

• But let’s go even deeper, to stop that freeze response from hijacking you the next time you’re at the doorway to your shift. We’re going to eliminate the fear before it even has a chance to rise. (yes I'm giving you optional homework because I'm the worst 😁)

The "Normalize Your DR" Exercise

1. Document Your CR Routine. Write down your current daily schedule in your CR. What time you wake up, eat, work, study, relax, everything. Create a schedule.

2. Now create a parallel schedule for your DR. You could do this for the day you're going to wake up in your DR, or next day, depends on what you scripted and feels better for you. What are you doing at each hour? How does your morning routine look? Who do you see? Where are you?

3. Sync CR Time with DR Time. Match your CR schedule to your DR schedule. For every hour in your day, mentally check in with what you’d be doing in your DR at that exact time. This repetitive syncing normalizes your DR in your mind. It becomes part of your routine, not some distant, unreachable dream that your mind fears shifting to.

4. Visualize Throughout the Day. As you go through your CR, take moments to pause and visualize your DR. The more your mind gets used to the idea of being in your DR, the less foreign—and therefore less scary—it becomes.

I hope you can take something from this. Good luck! 💚🩷🫂

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[lear-dot-rpy]

me: thank you for everything sir

my prof: you shouldn't be taking me, you should be annoyed at me.

me, incapable of anger and on the verge of tears: no, still, thank you. even though I failed, you still gave me the opportunity to try and achieve my dreams by helping me shift courses. you still gave a shot to study here in this state university. i still get to live on with no regrets that i didnt try

my prof: ... Ms. Lear, no matter where you may go, I hope you [something I didn't hear]

me: what?

my prof: just looking at you stresses me out. everytime i look at you i feel stressed out. just take a break and do what you want to do in life

me, emotional whiplash: wait what, what do you mean-

[asmodeusamaryllis]

G3nshin players never beating the not playing the game allegations