#and like I don’t add lighthearted and fun terms because like

[izvmimi]

Explain the essence of your selfships in three words, ready set GO!

omg uhhhhhhh provision (nurture), protection and duty for all of them tbh

[tokkiwrites]

𝚄𝚗𝚋𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚄𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝙼𝚢 𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗. (4)

mom's fiancé! joel miller x f! reader • series masterlist

Summary: Your mom's new fiancé, Joel Miller, is the kind of man you could never shake out of your mind—rugged, rough, and embodiment of your long-buried fantasies. He's been your next-door neighbor for years, and the crush you harbored through your teenage years never really faded. Now, he's with your mom, and they're planning to get married. You should want her to be happy, but you can't ignore the tension growing between you and Joel. It's something that was never meant to happen. But as you uncover Joel's true motives for being with your mom, you realize maybe your feelings weren't one-sided after all. And maybe, despite everything, you’re the one he really wants.

Tags: stepcest kind of, age gap (reader is in her mid 20s and joel in his mid 40s), forbidden romance, emotional conflict, slow burn, sexual tension, complicated family dynamics, heartbreak, Joel being an emotionally complicated bastard, ANGST, cheating, infidelity, betrayal, talk about divorce, talk about not wanting a child, ANGSTTTT, (marjorie being a mean bitch but also a great plot device!), trauma!!! reader has daddy issues, but dont quote me on that.

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ⁩ authors note 𑁯 ✿ im baaack !! the second to last part is here!! how do we feel so far? IT'S GOING DOWN!! one more chapter, and we will find out if anyone will get a happy ending. who knows.. maybe we'll make a spinoff of this? anyway, this is 3.37k words, so the shortest of the bunch butbi didn't want to add unnecessary smut :') HOPE YOU LOVE IT! not proofread soo if you anything spelled wrong umm close your eyes.

“Glad you could make it,” Marjorie said, closing the door behind you. “I thought we could have a little chat.”

“What do you want? was it really necessary for us to come here?” Joel asked, his tone edged with irritation. "Wouldn't want more people to see us now, right?" She leaned back against the counter, crossing her arms. “I think you both know exactly what I want." You exchanged a worried glance with Joel, trying to gauge how serious she was. “What are youㅡ?” you asked, your voice trembling slightly. Marjorie pushed off the counter and walked towards you, her heels clicking sharply against the floor. “I want you to share him for a bit." she said bluntly, a cruel smile twisting her lips. “You’ve had your fun, but it’s time to let the grown-ups play too. Besides, it’s only fair, isn’t it? After all, we can't let your mom find out about you two..." Your heart sank. “You can’t be serious,” you said, laughing as disbelief washed over you. “Oh, I’m very serious. If you want to keep this little affair of yours a secret, you’ll have to comply with my terms. I’ll tell your mother everything if you don’t.”

“Why would you do this?” Joel’s voice was low, but you could hear the anger simmering beneath the surface. “Because it’s fun, Joel. Because I can. And because your little fling is just that—a fling. I want you back, and I’m not above playing dirty to get what I want.” You felt sick, caught in the middle of a game you never wanted to play. “This isn’t fair,” you whispered, feeling the tears prick at the corners of your eyes. “Life’s not fair, sweetie,” Marjorie shot back. “You should know that by now.”

Joel stepped in front of you, a protective stance that made your heart swell and ache at the same time. “You don’t have to do this. You could just walk away, Marjorie. You’re better than this.” She laughed, a sound that was anything but lighthearted. “Better? Oh, darling, I’m far from better. I’m just getting started. So, that's the deal. You decide now.”

You felt the world around you spin as Marjorie’s words sunk into you like a bullet. “You’re a terrible friend,” you spat, rage and hurt flooding through you. “Your mother is the one who’s a bad friend,” Marjorie retorted, her eyes narrowing. “She knew how I felt about Joel. She knew we were together all those years ago. And yet, she had the audacity to marry him anyway.” Tears burned at your eyes as her words cut deep. “You’re just bitter because he moved on,” you accused.

“Bitter? Maybe. But I’m also vindictive. You’re standing in my way, and I don’t like it.” Joel’s hand squeezed yours tightly, and you could feel the tension. "Oh, so that's the only thing keeping you away? the fact that I am with him and not that he's your best friend's husband?"

"Didn't stop you, honey. And she's your mom." As Marjorie’s laughter echoed around the room, a twisted sense of triumph in her eyes, you felt the walls closing in on you. She was ready to play this game to the bitter end, and the stakes were too high. “Fine,” you said suddenly, surprising both Joel and yourself. “I’ll think about it.”

Marjorie’s expression turned sly. “Good. You have until tomorrow. Make your decision, and let me know. I’ll be waiting.”

On your way back home, the car ride was silent. You turned to Joel, his face a mask of frustration. "What now?" You finally speak up. “We’ll figure it out,” he promised, but the doubt lingered in his eyes. The gravity of the situation bore down more intensely than ever before.

When you got home, the air felt suffocating and so cold at the same time. Your mother had gone to bed early, and joel decided to spend the night at his apartment, closer to where he worksㅡ again. the stillness of the house was a stark contrast to the storm of emotions raging within you. You wanted to scream, cry, and run away from everything that was happening. But instead, you collapsed onto your bed, staring at the ceiling as the reality of your situation washed over you.

The next morning brought with it a sense of impending doom. You felt like you were walking on a tightrope, and the slightest misstep could send you tumbling into chaos. Your mother chatted about her plans for the day, seemingly oblivious to it allㅡ her daughter was fucking her husband. But you couldn’t focus on her words; all you could think about was Marjorie and the ultimatum she had laid before you.

As the day wore on, the burden of your decision weighed heavily on your chest. You knew you couldn’t keep Joel, your mom and Marjorie happy without sacrificing something monumental. The thought of losing Joel made your heart ache, but so did the thought of being betrayed by your own mother. Hours passed, and by the time your mother left for a gathering with her friends from work, you felt like a coiled spring, ready to snap. “I’ll be back late, sweetheart,” she called over her shoulder, and for a moment, you felt that flicker of guilt in your very sould again.

With the house empty, you sank into the couch, pulling out your phone and staring at it, waiting for Joel to text. The minutes turned into hours, and just as doubt began to creep in, your phone buzzed, a message from him lighting up the screen.

• Meet me at our spot?

Your heart raced, and you felt a surge of trepidation.

• I’ll be there.

You arrived at the secluded spot by the river, where the world felt far away. Joel was already waiting, leaning against his truck, the setting sun casting a warm glow on his rugged features. When he saw you, a relieved smile broke across his face. “Hey, you,” he said, pulling you into a tight embrace. You melted against him instantly, feeling the warmth and safety of his presence.

“I don’t know what to do,” you admitted, pulling back to look into his eyes. “Marjorie is insane...”

but maybe so were you.

“Don’t worry about her,” he said, voice steady. “I won’t let her hurt you. We’ll figure this out together.” But even as he spoke, you could see the doubt flickering in his eyes. “She wants me to share you with her, Joel, what the actual fuck?" you whispered, the words feeling heavy and bitter on your tongue. “She can’t have you. You’re mine.” But then reality crashed in, and you felt the tears prick at your eyes. “What if she really tells mom?” you asked, desperation threading through your voice.

“Then we’ll deal with it. Together.” his hands were cupping your face, thumb brushing away a tear that had escaped. “I love you. You know that, right? No matter what happens, I’m not going anywhere, baby." but the words felt hollow. “What if this is all my fault?”

“It’s not,” he insisted, his grip firm, eyes fierce. “We’re not doing anything wrong. We love each other. That’s what matters. ain't nothin' wrong with lonving somebody."

yeah, your mom's husband.

You wanted to believe him, to let those words wash away the doubts, but all was a threat and it loomed large, an insidious whisper in the back of your mind, reminding you that love alone might not be enough to shield you from the consequences of your actions. "Mom wouldn’tㅡ she will not understand, Joel. She’ll be devastated.”

“Then we’ll figure it out together,” he said again, his voice firm, but you could sense the uncertainty lingering beneath the surface. “We can go to her together and explain it all. You’re everything to me, baby, you know that. this is just a lessonㅡ people will always try and come between us.” Just like you came between him and your mom.

You wanted to believe him, but fear clutched at your heart like a vice. “What if she gets angry and takes it out on you?” Even now, he was all you cared about. The thought was unbearable. “I can handle it,” he said, determination lighting his gaze. “No one is going to make me not love you, babygirl.”

Finally, you took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “I have to go home.” His expression shifted, disappointment mingling with concern. “Are you sure? We can stay a little longer—”

“I have to think. About everything.”

maybe love won't save it all.

The walk home felt like a thousand miles, each step heavy with dread. You replayed everything in your mind. was it really worth it? Was Joel worth it? Was your mom worth it?

the house was quiet, the only sound being the faint ticking of the clock in the hallway. You slipped inside, the darkness wrapping around you like a shroud, and paused for a moment to collect your thoughts. Suddenly, the silence was broken by the sound of the door opening. You froze, your heart racing as you turned to see your mother step inside, her face illuminated by the hallway light. She looked tired but happy, her laughter still lingering in the air as she made her way toward you.

“Oh, sweetheart! You’re back!” she exclaimed, pulling you into a warm embrace. You inhaled her familiar scent, a mixture of lavender and home, and felt a surge of guilt wash over you. “Hi, mom,” you said, your voice betraying the turmoil inside you. She smiled, but it faltered as she took a closer look at your expression. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I... it’s nothing,” you replied too quickly, the lie tasting bitter on your tongue. Your mother’s brow furrowed in concern. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that, right, ladybug?” A lump formed in your throat, and you fought to keep the tears at bay. “Yeah, I know.”

This was it.

The moment where everything hung in the balance, teetering on the edge of no return. You knew what you had done was wrong—there was no denying it. No sugarcoating, no excuses. But as awful as your betrayal was, letting her find out from someone else, someone who wanted to hurt her for sport would be even worse. It would be cruel, cowardly, and the final twist of the knife. The only thing you could do now, the only thing that held even a shred of dignity or decency, was to take control of the narrative. To tell her the truth yourself. Not because it would fix anything—nothing could. but because it was the last way to show her respect. The last chance to do something for her that wasn’t tainted with deceit or manipulation.

You owed her that much. Even if she hated you forever, even if she never looked at you the same way again, it would come from you— not from Marjorie or anyone else who wanted to see her destroyed. You had already broken her heart, but you couldn’t let them shatter her spirit. Taking a deep breath, you steadied yourself. It felt impossible, like standing in front of a firing squad, but you had to do it. The power had to be yours. This was the only way to make sure she knew the truth wasn’t a weapon someone else could wield against her.

You looked at her. If you’re going to lose everything, at least lose it by owning what you did. Not by running away.

“Mom, can we talk?” The words rushed out before you could second-guess yourself. She turned, her expression now serious. “Of course, honey. What’s on your mind?” You hesitated. You wanted to tell her everything—about Joel, about Marjorie, about the love that was blossoming in the shadows. You had to. “Just... something.” You started biting your lip.

"Something?" she pressed, her voice calm but with an undercurrent of concern. She stepped closer, her eyes searching your face as if trying to read your thoughts. “What’s going on, sweetheart?” Your chest tightened, the truth pressing down on you like a boulder. “It’s about Joel,” you blurted out, unable to stop the words from spilling over. Her face stiffened at his name, her posture straightening. “What about Joel?” she asked, her tone sharper now. The air grew heavier with each passing second, the silence between you stretching like a chasm. "Did he do anything to you?" her worry was obvious.

"N-no..." You swallowed hard, trying to steady your voice. “We’ve... been seeing each other.” The words were heavy and raw. Her face shifted, confusion and disbelief warring for dominance. “What do you mean ‘seeing each other’?” she asked with a laugh, though you knew she understood exactly what you meant. “I mean we’ve been... together,” you admitted. Her face twisted. “Together?” she repeated, the word snapping like a whip. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not,” you said, tears welling in your eyes. “Mom, I love him.” Her laughter was harsh, bitter. “You love him? Joel? My husband? Your stepdad?” Her voice cracked with fury and pain.

You hated to hear that. You hadn’t realized quite yet who he was to you. "He's not my dad, momㅡ"

“How long has this been going on?” she interjects. “Since... before the wedding,” you confessed, and the words hit her like a physical blow. She staggered back, her hand flying to her chest. “Before the wedding?” she repeated, her voice trembling. “So you’ve been lying to me this entire time? Both of you?" Tears streaked her face, but they did nothing to soften the anger in her eyes. “How could you? How could heㅡ ?!” Her voice rose. "Is this some kind of sick fucking joke?" her voice cracking. "It's not a joke, Mom," you said, your voice trembling. "I didn't want this to happen, but it did. I—"

"Didn't want this to happen?" she cut you off, her eyes blazing. "You expect me to believe that? That it just... happened? His dick just fell into you, right? You betrayed me! My own daughter, with my fucking husband!" She threw her hands up, pacing the room like a caged animal, her anguish filling every corner. “You’ve destroyed everything—everything! How long have I been the fool, sitting at home, playing happy family while you... while you—”

“Stop it!” you shouted, your voice breaking. “You don’t understand—”

“I don’t understand?!” she snapped, whirling to face you. “You don’t think I understand betrayal? You don’t think I know what it feels like to be stabbed in the back by the two people who should love me the most?” Her chest rose and fell rapidly, her breathing erratic. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you said desperately, tears spilling freely now. “But I love him, Mom. I love him.”

“You love him?” she echoed mockingly. “You love my husband? Do you even hear yourself? What kind of daughter—what kind of person does this?” The venom in her voice stung, but you couldn’t back down now. “I’m not proud of this,” you said, your voice quiet and steady. “But it’s the truth. I love him, and he loves me.” Your voice rises again. She stared at you in disbelief, her jaw tightening. “Loves you?” she spat, her tone dripping with scorn. “Is that what he told you? That he loves you? That this is some grand romance and not just another one of his selfish, disgusting whims?”

“Stop it,” you said quietly, but she pressed on, her anger building like a storm. “Do you even know him?” she hissed. “The real him? Or are you just blinded by whatever lies he’s been feeding you? He’s a liar, a manipulator, and now he’s turned my own goddamn daughter against me.”

“You don’t know anything about us!” you shot back, your voice rising to match hers. “You think you’re the only one who’s ever been hurt? The only one who’s ever felt unloved? You don’t understand—”

“I don’t understand?” she interrupted, her voice rising to a shout. “What don’t I understand? That you’re selfish? That you’re reckless? That you’ve thrown away everything we had for... for him?” The words hit you like a slap, but they also ignited something inside you. “You don’t get to stand there and pretend you’re some kind of victim!” you yelled. “You’re not perfect, Mom! You’re not blameless!” Her face twisted in rage and pain. “So now this is my fault?” she demanded. “You’re blaming me for your choices? For his choices? You’re unbelievable.”

“I’m not blaming you,” you said, your voice trembling with emotion, as you were sobbing. “But you don’t get to act like you’re innocent either. You’ve pushed people away your whole life, and now you’re acting surprised that someone finally—"

“Stop,” she said coldly, her voice low but dangerous. “Don’t you dare try to twist this around. Don’t you dare try to justify what you’ve done.” The room fell silent for a moment. Finally, she spoke again, her voice quieter but no less filled with anger. “I gave you everything,” she said, her voice shaky. “I sacrificed everything for you. And this is how you repay me?”

“I know you didn’t want me,” you suddenly snapped, the years of buried hurt rising to the surface. “I always heard you fighting with Dad, saying I was your biggest mistake! Isn't that why dad left?" Her eyes widened, stunned by the shift in the conversation. “What?” she said, her voice barely audible. “I know,” you repeated, the words spilling out like a dam breaking. “I heard it all. I wasn’t deaf, Mom. I was a kid but i wasn't fucking stupid! I knew you never wanted me.”

Her face hardened, a mixture of guilt and defiance flashing across her features. “Of course, I didn’t fucking want you!” she shouted, the admission slicing through the air. “I was twenty years old! I didn’t want a kid, and guess what? I can’t change that! I can’t just grab you and shove you back into my fucking uterus, can I? But i didn't abandon you, Iㅡ"

“I already knew that,” you whispered, your voice hollow. “You didn’t know,” she snapped, her eyes blazing. “You didn't know shit! You’re just trying to make me the bad guy so you can feel better about the awful, disgusting thing that you did.” The room seemed to pulse. “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” you said, tears streaming down your face. “But it did, and I can’t change it.” She shook her head, her hands trembling. “You have no idea what you’ve done,” she said, her voice breaking. “You’ve destroyed everything. Our family. My marriage. Everything.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, the words feeling inadequate even as they left your lips. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but I can’t help how I feel.”

“You’re just like him,” she spat. “Selfish. Just like your fucking dad."

taglist ⭐️ ㅡ @eviispunk @joeldjarin @whimsiwitchy @guelyury @untamedheart81 @dollyxzy @mybvalentine @am-3-thyst @klajmekk @cuteanimalmama @corinnedollete @vickie5446 @gabymalikk

[vonlipvig]

got it lol

forgot to add another bit about aj:aa

so, we know how mia and phoenix, and maya and phoenix by extension, met each other and eventually become friends, right? i wish kristoph and apollo’s friendship (or whatever their relationship can be described as) was fleshed out more in a similar-ish way

kristoph as a character is perfect the way he is, as well as apollo and trucy’s friendship, and there’s so many positive things to say about klavier, oh my god. however, i think a missing factor in regards to kristoph’s eventual downfall is that we don’t really know how friendly he and apollo were to each other before turnabout trump. i mean, there’s some implications, sure, but i really would’ve liked to bite into the meat of it, you know? like, what really got the ball rolling? how did they even meet?

the same point applies to kristoph and klavier, except i think turnabout succession was peak for showing us how klavier’s view of his brother slowly broke down with the help of someone he’s technically rivaling against and another rival he hasn’t fought in 7 years. ough

also, lowkey, miles and klavier are equal in terms of characters i like, but i enjoy klavier as a prosecutor way move because his banter in every case i’ve seen him and apollo in together is just more fun and lighthearted than phoenix and miles (at least, at the beginning. miles was going through it fr. “unnecessary feelings” etc)

so yeah, that’s my take so far. will it change as i go along? most likely, but i’m having a fucking ball lmao

interesting! while i definitely agree that i would have loved to learn more about kristoph's relationship to apollo (and klavier, GOD we needed that AJ2 where klavier talks more in depth about their sibling relationship...), i wouldn't necessarily change anything about turnabout trump myself, because...well, because turnabout trump is so fucking good. and i think it works so well because it's so abrupt and disruptive of the well-known mentor-mentee relationship. you think he's going to be another mia, then bam, total blindside. but maybe they could have had something more with kristoph in jail, maybe apollo getting to visit him or something?

personally, i never imagined them to be quite as close as mia and phoenix tho, just more of a boss-employee relationship, with the trust and care that implies of course, but still. but yeah, would have definitely fleshed kristoph out a bit more!

oh, i'm a miles & narumitsu girlie through and through so can't 100% agree with that, but i do love that the klapollo dynamic isn't just narumitsu 2.0. they really are super fun and i wish we could have had a better "apollo trilogy" but i'm getting ahead of myselffff

[rhythm-tengoku-gold]

Ok so like I was going to send this in a discord server but I typed off way more than I intended & don’t want to clog up that poor channel. Hell, I gave up on writing this because I’m getting tired & I was, like, almost halfway through. Might come back & finish it later. I don’t know. Will have to finish the chapter section & then add a terms glossary. Maybe more sections. I don’t know.

Ok, so, there’s a fuckton that I could say about all this, but I’ll just give the basic rundown here. *cracks my knuckles*

◇──◆──◇──◆

When I mentioned a bit ago that I’ve been so intensely hyperfocused on a singular story for years I was referring to Scrap Collector. It is what I’d consider my heart & soul. It’s almost completely fleshed out with the exception of a few things, but in the near future I will be able to finally bring the story into this world. However, I’d like to feel more confident in both my writing & drawing skills before I do so- I intend for it to be a novel accompanied by illustrations, but I digress.  ◇──◆──◇──◆

Scrap Collector is a story about Domains- a system of pocket dimensions in what would be considered the margins between universes. We focus on a specific cluster of Domains. A cluster is the term for close-together Domains. Anyways, now that I’m thinking about it, I think it would be easier to insert the stories summary that I wrote a while back & always whip out when giving an introduction to the series:

◇──◆──◇──◆

“Within the margins in between universes lies domains, small pockets nestled in the wispy channels that fill these gaps.

Kalcul first awakens in a dark, rusty world where spires of junk reach into an inky void & where cold metal envelops most everything. She is a collector, the right hand of the only other being in the desolate domain, saxon & is able to utilize the channel to travel through domains. As she explores the small cluster of neighboring domains on missions & bonds with the few other souls that remain, history comes to light as it paints a tragedy of the ages. One that all may lead back to a single source.”

◇──◆──◇──◆

Also, I way I’ve described it in the past is “A story that is deeply tragic yet endlessly hopeful.”

◇──◆──◇──◆

The story is split into three chapters, each one containing 3 arcs. Named, because it’s cool & fun to me. :)

Chapter 1

- Take Me Back

- My Heart Beats Electric

- Past the Glory Days

Chapter 2

- High Tide, Low Tide

- In Dangerous Waters

- A Tango Takes Two

Chapter 3

- Bleeding Heart

- Castle Crumbling, Crashing Down

- Sweet Rest

◇──◆──◇──◆

I think I should offer a brief rundown of the characters while I’m at it!

◇──◆──◇──◆

-Kalcul is the protagonist of our story. She’s stubborn, dangerously curious, snippy, attentive, irritable, & keen. I may be am kinda giving the impression that she’s mean here, but I can assure you that she is not. She is pretty kind, but does have anger issues, that’s all. Here’s some things I’ve said about her in the past:

◇──◆──◇──◆

”Don't get me wrong, Kalcul is certainly, angry, angsty, & aggressive a lot of times, but honestly? She's kind of a dork.

-She has, on several occasions, ate jerky that was of very dubious quality. Didn't get sick though, thank god that Collectors are sturdy.

-She's the type of girl to make little pouty faces in lighthearted situations when she doesn't get her way.

-Ridiculously passionate about her hobby of cartography & could ramble about it for a good while.

-Asks Seymour to give her piggyback rides often because they're besties, he's almost twice her height, & it's fun.

-Has a sort of playful sibling rivalry with Aster.

Just to give some examples”

◇──◆──◇──◆

“Related to the first example provided in this, Kalcul's favorite food is jerky. That said, no character within Scrap Collector needs to eat, & rather it's something they could do if they find it enjoyable. With how her teeth are made to exclusively rip & tear, she's a fan of foods you have to chew/gnaw on for a bit.”

◇──◆──◇──◆

”Despite being bipedal, Kalcul runs on all fours most of the time. Still walks on two legs though”

◇──◆──◇──◆

“Kalcul's design has some features that I never draw for no real reason other than I don't feel like it. Albeit these aren't something that hate always part of her design, & just appear occasionally throughout the story. One is a brown leather bomber iacket embroidered with a small emblem, & the other is is a metal pair of googles. While the former isn't all that significant other than Kalcul being sometimes seen with it in chapter 3, the latter does have meaning as since Kalcul's eyes are only made for dimmer/darker places it hurts to be in bright ones. Since it was painful for his best friend to be in his home, Seymour made the goggles for her.”

◇──◆──◇──◆

”Kalcul has an exceptionally strong jaw, with durable, sharp teeth designed to snag, rip, & tear. It's her primary form of both offense & defense, & her pry bar is more of a support weapon.”

◇──◆──◇──◆

”Kalcul is a survivor no matter what. She's seen what Eridanus left behind after he breached & the ensuing fallout from Saxon; she's seen what's basically her family suffer, heard the kin she never met (past deceased Collectors) suffer, & has suffered herself.

With every inch of Kalcul's being she wishes to see the cycle of life & death break & watch as the cluster of Domains heal.

"I'm not d-dying yet. No matter how hard you try, I will live. I will survive." -Kalcul in Unravel

The only times when this isn't embedded into her is when she is new to the world in earlier parts & after she kills even in A Tango Takes Two leading into Self-Destructive Sorrow. In it Kalcul accidentally kills Aeven in self defense upon their betrayal. Poisoned with guilt, she believes that she has became the very thing she swore to destroy. After all, isn't life extremely limited after the breach? What is it worth anymore? Maybe, just maybe, as retribution for her actions, if Kalcul risks everything there is to break the cycle she can make up for contributing to it? The one to break Kalcul out of this mentality, so desperate to get his best friend to snap out of it he has to resort to force.

This is one of few times the usually quite passive engineer goes on the offensive in the entire story.

"Kallie! I'm not okay with you- you trying to... become some sort of martyr! This isn't you! Please, you're not some damned self-sacrificial MANIAC! PLEASE!" - Seymour in said scene.”

◇──◆──◇──◆

-Seymour is Kalcul’s best friend & a talented engineer/technician. I think I sum him up pretty well in what I’ve said in the past:

◇──◆──◇──◆

”Seymour is known for being a very skilled engineer & technician, & later on greatly assists in making The Scrapyard more accessible. In general, he loves using his skills to assist the others in various ways but also spends a large amount of time on personal/passion projects.”

◇──◆──◇──◆

“Y'know, I've never talked about Seymour's negative aspects, so I'm going to do that now. The man is often stretched thin by constantly pushing himself too hard. There are points when he's very pushy, especially towards Kalcul, albeit it's never done out of malice. Seymour also tends to be thin-skinned in several situations. He cares all to much for others, to both his & others detriment.

This man is stressed as hell”

◇──◆──◇──◆

”The poem is from the point of view of Seymour, a crucial deuteragonist in the story. The other character referenced within the second stanza is Kalcul, the protagonist. The first stanza is, obviously, in reference to Seymour in the second part. My Heart Beats Electric is the part in which Seymour is introduced. Before the story all he really did was design, create, & work with machinery and electronics. Sure, he certainly enjoyed it, but it was almost all he had. In a sense, it’s what kept his heart beating.

The second stanza is about the latter two parts mentioned. It’s about how both Seymour and Kalcul are bleeding hearts in different ways. Seymour, the one gone through first, is a bleeding heart in the way that he cares so much for a certain person- that being Kalcul- that he snaps out with no regard in Bleeding Heart. When Aster emotionally hurt Kalcul pretty damn bad, Seymour became actively very hostile towards him, albeit fortunately only verbally. While Aster did mean well that doesn't stop Seymour from lashing out at what is essentially Kalcul’s brother. This holds both of them back from having a good relationship with one another for the entirety of the part, something that would have been very good/useful to have.”

◇──◆──◇──◆

Yeah, so that’s where I gave up not even halfway through. I’m too tired, sorry. Also, here’s a list sorting characters by how much development they need because I simply find it interesting.

[black-lake]

astro observations 3

Hi besties,

I'm doing another observation for ya ☺︎ I truly enjoy writing these so much. These ones are a little longer, because the aspects are complex.

Now this is the saturn post, so many saturn observations. 🪐

Highlights: taurus, moon, virgo, capricorn, gemini, aquarius, saturn, neptune, 12th house, 11th house, celebrity charts, earth placements.

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🍁 Earth moons, especially taurus and virgo, have amazing taste in fashion and all material things. They can determine the quality of things by feeling it or just looking at it. They may have standards for what they buy. They are the type to go like "this thing will break in 3 months, do you really wanna waste your money?". Taurus moons may buy things frequently because they just like it. Virgo moons analyze the price and value and criticize the hell out of the store and owner too looool. They are on the look for the "perfect" thing, it needs to look and feel a certain way. Capricorns are chill with it, they be calculating their money? but they spoil themselves.

🍁 Earth moons are also really good at taking care of their belongings. Once they buy something they cherish it and keep it looking new for so long. They know how to clean and maintain what they have. Their clothes may look new and expensive even if they’re not. They take good care of their surroundings too, especially caps and virgos. 

🍁 Saturn conjuncting or positively aspecting an inner planet makes someone good with business. Especially aspects to sun, mercury and mars. Their investments work out and are long term. They learn how to make money quickly but are also patient with it. They just have a natural business mind. The types to own multiple businesses and maintain their success. 

🍁 Saturn aspects to neptune, especially squares/oppositions/conjunctions, feeling guilty whenever you dream, when you let yourself be hopeful for no reason, when you think of an ideal. Stopping yourself from fantasizing because it’s "unreal", because you wouldn’t do it, you don’t know how to do it, you haven’t done enough. These people don’t realize they have huge potential to make their dreams come true, especially if other aspects support it. Saturn here gives a hint of pessimism to your dreams, and wakes you to reality every time. Saturn here also allows you to have your dream after it took it away from you. Once they have learned how to work with both planets they can be very successful and looked up to. 

🍁 Craig Ferguson having Gemini mercury at 17° and a Scorpio moon? I see why this guy is flirtatiously sarcastically funny. He also has mars in Aries which adds to his quick wit and boldness. Even tho his humor can be dark and direct, the fire also makes it fun and lighthearted. His Libra ascendant, keeping it balanced and making his guests comfortable even when he says the most questionable things lol. His Leo MC at 5° adds to his charismatic personality like a cherry on top. His chart is too interesting fr.

I can do more celebrity analysis in the future?

🍁 I also imagined him having more earth in his chart, because of his authoritative and well respected persona? But he has none at all lol. Ik that a Leo MC can also give a strong persona and demands respect. Now there are aspects that answer the question. The harsher the aspects the more the person naturally demands respect because of the lessons they learned. His saturn opposite NN and MC, he had a difficult upbringing, especially with that Aquarius IC, ouch. Pluto opposite Chiron and Jupiter conjunct Chiron, wounds making him strong and wise. His Mars opposite Ascendant adds a layer of intimidation. 

🍁 You and your Aquarius or Gemini placements bestie, each texting about completely different topics, sending each other irrelevant weird sh*t, sending questionable memes, laughing at different things, answering in questionable times, never answering questions completely, yet you don’t question it at all, because in your mind you're embracing each other's uniqueness. how quirky 💀

🍁 I rarely meet Aquarius and Pisces suns and placements, even tho I want to analyze them badly, I rarely have a chance to interact with them. plz come to my life I want to judge your personality.. with admiration of course! (my virgo moon speaking). 👽 

🍁 People with saturn in the 4th house had a difficult upbringing and heavy responsibilities put on them early on, this shaped their personalities and perceptions, and made them want to work harder to break their families emotional trauma and find security. They want to heal their trauma affecting their sense of safety and security emotionally and financially. Saturn 4th in charts of Marilyn Monroe, Craig Ferguson, Harry Styles, Madonna, and Drake. 

🍁 The hardest saturn house placements imo, are saturn in 11th, 12th, 10th, 4th, 7th. If you have these I respect you so much buddy, truly, it's a nightmare. These are also karmic, don't mess with these people, or you're inevitably meant to mess with them? because it's the way to get your karma and for your ass to learn a lesson. The universe works through them and they get the lovely pain in return loool. No fr they get so much power in return, they're protected heavily and are blessed with so much in life, they just wait longer for bigger blessings. Ily all.

🍁 Now if you have saturn in the 11th, or 11th house cusp, chances are you feel left out, you feel alienated, you hate socializing and hate strongly desiring it. Your friends betray you so easily it's insane. People give you weird looks. Your classmates, coworkers, avoiding you, it's your power, it's karma scaring them. People avoid doing you wrong but fall for the trap before they know it, they are hit hard with karma. They see what they reject in themselves in you, their hopes and dreams, their self expression, true unfiltered selves. People who don't know how to stand out and are people pleasers hate you the most. You are a non conformist, and like your alone time. You leave as fast as you enter someone's life, you become a mystery.

🍁 With this placement, your friends are not meant to be long term, only few will. Better friends will come as you mature and become older. Saturn makes it clear to you who has your best intentions at heart and who doesn’t, or tests you to see if you learned from experiences on how to detach from toxic people and be yourself no matter what. You will be blessed with amazing people and communities that understand you and embrace your individuality, the path to this isn’t easy, but hold on. 

🍁 Saturn 11th can pick up on negative energies, places and fake people. They don't even have to say or do anything their presence solely is triggering those places and people and bringing on change. They change people's lives and their own like a lightning bolt. They are activists online and they start threads and campaigns to wake people up and bring on some change. These people can have a strong presence online. 

🍁 The og terrible nightmare is saturn in the 12th (yay I have it). Bonus points if saturn is harshly aspected, or touches neptune. I wanted to do a whole post or even article about this placement. It's intriguing. I stop to think a lot whenever I see it in a chart, especially of powerful people which is often the case, but I don't understand it fully! I'm always shocked to see it in people's charts, it's very subtle and mysterious, it manifests in different ways, you can’t tell until you really see it play out. This is one of the most powerful placements saturn can be in.

🍁 Now saturn 12th differs depending on whether it’s closer to the 11th or the 1st house cusp. If it's closer to the 1st house it plays out in one's self expression and self assertion when it comes to their lives, so this area is challenged for them. If it's closer to the 11th it, it plays out in themes relating to groups, people, connections, dreams, expressions, the collective.. etc. The 11th and 12th both rule the collective consciousness, uranus and neptune, and in this case saturn is also at play, woah, this is what makes this a triple power placement. Individuals that have it closer to the 11th house likely experienced the effect of saturn on both houses. They were, hated, alienated, people tried to take their power, people saw them as an enemy or a threat, people wanted to harm them, didn't want them to believe in themselves, they struggle to assert their power, but they are meant to.

🍁 Saturn 12th is also very similar to the 11th when it comes to giving people karma and showing them their place without doing anything, but it's more powerful, it plays out subconsciously and for longer periods. Now I'm talking, manifesting as diseases, mental issues, suicidal thoughts, severe accidents, even death. Manipulators, cheaters, liars, people with bad intentions, jealous people, those who manipulate their power whether through resources and money or fame and dark shady stuff, all gravitate towards you, ik it's horrible lol. I'm so sorry you're a magnet for bad people. They want to control you and manipulate you. You have to be careful with this placement to not trust people, but you already don’t trust no one lol.

🍁 Saturn 12th forces you to face your shadow self head on, dealing with depression, negative thoughts, sorrow, low energies, bad habits, taking your subconscious seriously. It is likely that at a young age they didn't understand their subconscious patterns, mental health issues started surfacing for them as teenagers, they had a hard time understanding their mind. You feel extreme loneliness, very likely only children? being removed from everyone else even if you need people. Forced to do everything alone. Feeling like you have to deal with everything alone. Feeling like you will never be understood. These people wished to disappear from earth so many times. ☹︎ Dealing with people's shadows and forcing them to face it. Mirroring back energies. You are heavily protected so fear nothing!

🍁 Now what gives these individuals this much power? It's everything I have mentioned above. This applies especially if saturn is closer to the 11th. These people have gone through the depth of their emotions and thoughts, they drowned in them. They faced harsh realities about themselves and others. They've understood so much about their own triggers and limits. They have destroyed and rebuilt their subconscious with a stronger foundation. Now they have access to the collectives subconscious, they have power over it, they can rule people or even manipulate them. They have a strong effect on their surroundings. They take on positions of power easily. They destroy limits and rules and build newer ones just like they did with their minds. They can be as toxic as the people they dealt with, or can cause amazing changes in their environments and be remembered for changing the world. 

🍁 Saturn 12th being prominent in charts of individuals that are/were presidents, politicians, musicians, and activists. Examples with saturn in the 12th being close to the 11th cusp or in the cusp, Vladimir Putin, Barack Obama, George Washington, Donald Trump (in the 11th closer to the 12th), George W. Bush, Beyoncé, Zayn Malik, SZA, Will Smith (exactly on the cusp), Matthew McConaughey (on the cusp), Whitney Houston. I can name so many others. 

🍁 Worthy to mention that many of the themes mentioned about saturn can also apply to pluto in the 12th, 11th and 10th, but in a different way. I can do a whole different post about that.

🍁 So much of this is my own experience and the people I know. Please let me know if you have experienced any of these observations, especially with saturn aspects and houses. I'd love to hear and learn more about it. 

[evertidings]

— MAY 08, 2022.

WHAT I DID.

god this has probably been my most productive week in a while. something came over me and i just sat down and went on a writing spree. i don’t want to jinx it though so i won’t talk about it anymore, but i seriously hope this feeling extends to next week. i might finish chapter seven really soon at this rate.

in terms of the actual content i wrote, you may have saw that i didn’t write any of what i was supposed to. and that’s fine, because in my eyes, as long as i get something done for this game that’s progress enough. when this happens, however, i tend to… add a bunch of unplanned stuff. unplanned as in i added a whole new scene of a popular trope (sue me, i plan on stuffing as many of these as i can in this book). but i love it so much and it does wonders for chapter eight. i really can’t wait to reveal it and see everyone’s reactions.

skip the rest of this if you don’t want to hear me vent, but throughout the course of writing this chapter, i’ve come across a lot of issues. some of which are new, and some that i’ve been feeling for months. i know i’m not obligated to write anything for you guys, but sometimes i feel like that. it’s why i disappear off tumblr sometimes and then pop up out of the blue. i hate disappointing people which is why i grinded so hard for the twine build to come out and why i feel like the delivery of chapter seven is too late.

but my recent writing spree reminded me that writing is supposed to be fun. as much as i want When Twilight Strikes to have complex characters and an intricate plot, a lot of what i write is just for the heck of it. add a close proximity scene because i think it’s angsty. include a fake dating scene because i want to stir up emotions. this book was created mainly as a form of escapism for me so i can write all my favourite things and squish them in one thing, so the fact that so many like it too means a lot to me. chapter seven has a bunch of serious tones, but underneath it all, there’re a bunch of my signature lighthearted scenes and jokes that i hope you’ll enjoy <3

GOALS FOR NEXT WEEK.

finish chapter seven?

STATS.

268,669 words (+7.97k)

[vettany2]

Top 10 fanfics I've written for the MarcoAce pairing

10. A Surprise Under The Cherries

post-marriage au and a long distance relationship

This one was a part of a spring challenge (as well as some others on this list) but it was really difficult to come up with a concept for the prompt. As I was writing it, I was thinking "is this even right?" "Should I keep it like this?". In the end it was not as bad I thought but it was no fun writing either.

9. A Wish Come True

high school au

This was better as I had the concept in my head immediately after reading the prompt. Tho I was sad I couldn't make it longer, I felt that if I stretched it a bit more, it would lose it's magic (or what). But it is pretty short according to my standards so I can’t give it a higher position.

8. Special Easter Egg Hunt

modern world au and a confession au

Coming up with this concept was hella difficult but it turned out quite entertaining to write. Can't help, domestic Whitebeard Family is always a pleasure to write. And nervous Marco as well.

7. Unintended Double Date

modern world au and (as the title suggests) unintended double date ft. Lawlu

Coming up with this concept was more fun that writing it. Still, I'm quite pleased with the result. I like the bonding of Marco and Law over their crazy boyfriends.

6. Øtchi

close friends and a modern world au

This was such a weird mood when I was writing this one. Marco and Ace are odd fellas since I can imagine them in almost every scenario. And so it didn't feel wrong for them being close friends. Tho I like the last date part more than the rest of the fic :D

5. It's (Not) Mutual

soulmate au, canon setting

Eventhough this is my top ranked marace fanfic in terms of hits and kudos, I struggled with like a half of the fanfic. I was deep in Soulmate AU rabbithole and wanted to write sth similar. And I think it's apparent from the writing that it's kind of forced. Nevermind.

4. You And Your Damn Freckles Are At Fault!

uni teachers au 

As I accidentally stumbled upon the prompt for this fanfic, I knew this would be a hit. Marco and Ace being teachers just made my heart flutter and when we add Marco's mistaking Ace as a student into the mix, my god, what a funny fanfic. The only thing dragging this fic down is that someone wrote for that prompt before me and I tried too hard to make this fic not as similar as theirs (cuz we dumb and we read it before writing mine).

3. Daily Flowers

modern world + coworkers au

Yet another of my Spring challenge fics. This one is my all time favourite out of them. Since it was linked to spring, I thought, flowers ofc. Since I know many ppl suffer from pollen allergy, I thought, that could be original. Then I thought, maybe I could sprinkle some flower language and the fic basically wrote itself. It was so much fun cuz office romance offers quite a lot of ideas. Hence the fic grabbing the third place. 

2. One Heroical Act Was All It Took

accidental meeting and a modern world au

The concept for this fic was basically me rewriting a dream I had. It was supposed to be very angsty and a bit scary as well which I tink I accomplished. Even if I don’t believe in love at first sight, it fit this fic well and I love this story very dearly. 

1. It All Started With A Bet

hospital au

And here we have the winner. It’s not only my most favourite fic but it’s also my first marace fic ever written. Everything about this fic is just perfect, the use of language, the way I structured the plot, the way I portrayed the characters... I just love this story very much. It has the right amount of angst, but still is more lighthearted than the previous one. I’m sad this fic is not as popular as I’d wish but that’s maybe because of the setting. Hospital and serious injures aren’t exactly fan favourites. Still, if you like marace, give this story a shot.

There were some more fics I had to leave out as I’m not as happy with them but still, if you feel like checking out any of the fics listed here, it will make me happy. If you feel like it, leave a comment as well.

[thatpiscesfish]

Hey, could you give me your opinion on my placements please?🥺

Aquarius sun (5th house), aries moon (8th house), virgo rising, aquarius mercury (6th house), pisces venus (7th house), scorpio mars (3rd house).

Thank u so much, have a nice day!!

Sure! So Aquarius suns are modern, charming, but distant. They kinda live in their own world but are somehow still aware of everyone else. And very aware of the wider issues going on in the world. A common criticism of Aquarius suns is their ability to care so much about people they don’t know that are suffering across the world, and yet it’s hard for them to show a lot of emotion to people they’re close to. But I think the key word is show. I think Aquarius suns really do care about everyone obviously including close friends/family. But I think Aquarius energy doesn’t like to seem vulnerable and out of control/too emotional; it’s important to remember that Aquarius is co-ruled by Saturn, so they’re still very mindful and disciplined and in control.

Sun in the 5th is at home (ruled by Leo) so it’s actually a good placement for the sun. Usually playful and youthful, they love having fun and being around lighthearted people. Have positive mentalities and like to do fun things like hobbies/going out etc. It’s interesting cause this house (Leo energy) is the opposite of your sun (Aquarius) so I feel like it lightens the Aquarius energy a bit more which is cool.

Aries moon is fiery and determined. You have conflicting energies with Aries being ruled by mars and it being in the moon, so it’s kinda opposite and there’s this push and pull. So it’s a softer side of Aries but a much tougher side of the moon. It gives the moon this raw energy and drive. But it also shows Aries as more delicate and vulnerable. So it’s an interesting combination.

Moon in the 8th is added mars energy since it’s ruled by Scorpio. Feeling emotionally safe and powerful when being in control/being able to figure things out. 8th house energy is deep and inquisitive. Simple things and small talk don’t excite them like figuring out how people/the universe work.

Virgo rising is observant and introverted. Can be perfectionists and hyper critical but usually have good intentions. They just wanna feel wanted and enough so they do the absolute most to make people need them. Comes off kinda reserved but very put together if developed. Can be prone to anxiety cause of all that mercury energy.

Aquarius mercury is inquisitive and sharp minded. Can be kinda nosy lmao but just cause they’re smart and they need a lot of information. Simple answers aren’t enough especially if they suspect there’s more to the story. Interested in unusual subjects, things people don’t always talk about. Could be interested in politics/society/humanity/environment.

Mercury in the 6th is at home and exalted in the house of Virgo. Adds even more curiosity and sharpness to the mind. Can use their mind in their daily lives a lot, like for jobs or routines they do. Could have jobs involved in writing/editing/solving things. Even sales and communications, radio etc. Could be prone to anxiety and being way to critical of themselves and others. More introverted energy where thoughts and opinions are internalised and not expressed a lot.

Pisces venus is exalted and actually a really powerful placement if managed well. Pisces hates rules and wants to feel limitless and boundless. No boundaries. And with venus, this manifests in terms of love. Things can get blurry and it’s easy for Pisces venus to lose themselves in their relationships with others if underdeveloped. They want to give so much and do so so genuinely that they kinda forget about what they’re getting in return. And if it’s not much (or not equal to what they’re giving out), they’ll probably realise this too late when they’re already in too deep. And Pisces gets swept up easily because they’re guided by their emotions. But a very thoughtful, sweet and caring placement.

Venus in the 7th is at home so similar themes are magnified. Relationships are very important and come naturally. Could have issues with independence and staying alone. Craves balance and equality in a relationship. But also something traditional and romantic.

Scorpio mars is at home so this is a strong placement. Like Aries, Scorpio is strong, assertive, dominant, and determined. But Scorpio is water and fixed, so much more introverted and relaxed than Aries. Takes their time and lets things simmer while they think about their next move. Could attract but also intimidate others easily.

Mars in the 3rd is more verbally expressive. Could use words more than physical body during a fight. Could say things that are hurtful when angry. Or blurt things out easily. Could be more confident talking to someone than touching. Opinionated and straightforward. Likes to debate and exchange ideas.

Overall, a nice mix of elements and modes. Someone analytical and logical but also guided by their emotions. Sorry this was so late but you’re welcome! Hope you have a nice day too!

[tinyhistory]

Hey! Love your stories so much I just had to ask! Do you have any favorite drarry authors/stories? I sometimes compare the quality of other stories to ROA (oops!) because ROA is just that good. My personal favorites are ROA (of course!), the Foundations Series (saras_girl), the ordeal of being known (louisfake), denouement (the_never_was), Good to Me (And I'd Be So Good to You) (AWickedMemory), and To Hurt and Heal (cassisluna). Have you read these? Have a wonderful day! :)

Thank you, so glad you’ve enjoyed my stories! And thank you for so patiently waiting for a reply. I haven’t been online much in the past couple of weeks. Unfortunately I haven’t read any of your recs, but I’m always happy to add another fic to my to-read list.

I did a rec post a few months ago, but I’ll post an updated version now. The Skyhawke Archives appear to be down, which is crushing news. I’ve had to update a lot of the links.

So here are my favourite Drarry fanfics:

And We Are At Our Apogee (PG-13) by angelgazing

Summary: Draco wanted revenge, but it didn't work out that way.

My notes: Californian beaches, supermarkets, road trips, and a bittersweet ending.

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A Reckless State of Mind (T) by Lomonaaeren

Summary: Draco is a Psyche-Diver, and his newest patient is Auror Potter, who’s been a pathological liar for over a year—and has just tried to violently end his own life.

Notes: The plot alone guarantees inclusion on this list. Probably the most creative fic I’ve ever read, and the twists and turns will keep you guessing.

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Berlin, In the Year of Our Lord (PG) by Are

Summary: Harry is a green-tea addict. Draco stalks him.

Notes: Probably my all-time favourite fic, along with Blue Vase. It’s sparse and minimal and I love that writing style.

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Blue Vase (M) by ivyblossom

Summary: Let’s pretend.

Notes: Draco finds an amnesiac Harry and befriends him, pretending they were once lovers. It’s pensive, short, and bittersweet.

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The Boy Who Only Lived Twice (E) by lettered

Summary: Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It's all right here, folks.

Notes: Action-heavy fics are damn hard to write, but lettered nails it. The action scenes are breakneck speed, the conversations are threaded with double meaning, and even the silences are tense.

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Draco in Darkness (T) by Plumeria47.

Summary: Following an accident in his seventh year, Draco loses his eyesight.

Notes: This is one of the first fics I ever read (when it was over on FF in 2003) so it’s probably here just for nostalgia points alone. I read it when I was a kid and just thought it was a lovely golden fairytale, the best romance I’d ever read in my (very short, thus far) life. I love reading it again, even years later as an adult when I can see the tarnish on it; the things my childhood eyes didn’t notice. I don’t care. It’s my soft and fuzzy comfort fic.

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The Flesh is Frail (NC-17) by wildestranger

Summary: None

Notes: Draco has injuries from curses and spells, and Harry keeps him company. Draco is angry; Harry is stubborn. They argue their way into a grudging relationship. It’s a short read and well worth your ten minutes.

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Good-bye to Yesterday (NC-17) by furiosity

Summary: Draco felt ready to face even a million years in Azkaban as long as it meant that at the end of it all, he would make Potter pay.

Notes: It’s not a dark fic, but it certainly dips in and out of the shadows. If you like your romance to be sharp as a razor and bitter as black coffee, give it a read.

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Hymn to Color (PG) by Lomonaaeren

Summary: Months after Draco cast a curse that took Harry’s eyesight, Harry is still trying to come to terms with it. Draco still wanted forgiveness, which was probably the problem.

Notes: Probably my very inadequate idea of “fluff”. It’s a quiet, introspective fic. Draco and Harry are well-written.

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Kings among runaways (PG) by enderxenocide.

Summary: Later, the toast will be slightly overcooked, Draco will burn the eggs, and there will be another fist fight in-between the living room and the front door, but they’ll eat breakfast with second-hand plates and Draco’s great-grandmother’s silverware.

Notes: Dreamy descriptions, abstract scenes, and the characters are lovingly delineated. Beautiful writing.

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On Broken Glass (PG-13) by coffeejunkii

Summary: After the final battle, Draco is holding the shards that are left of his and Harry’s life.

Notes: Established relationship. Harry’s forgetful and seems to suffer both short-term and long-term memory loss; Draco stays by his side through six years of post-war amnesia. Very short, just a tiny ficlet. There’s sequels (in bite-size pieces) but I prefer to read the first ficlet and leave it there.

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Paper Dolls (M) by cupiscent

Summary: In the final year of the War, Draco gets a letter, makes a choice and pays the price.

Notes: Short, succinct, and packs a punch. No character deaths, in case the summary has you feeling nervous.

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Portrait (PG-13) by Silent Blast

Summary: None.

Notes: Dorian Grey, but Drarry. Of course it’s going to be good.

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Shattered (NC-17) by femmequixotic

Summary: One damned accident involving one too-lucky curse, and suddenly you'd think he was five again, with their Harry, be carefuls and their quick Levitating charms ready the instant the potion gives way and his rebelling hands lose hold of whatever's in their grasp.

Notes: Draco’s an artist. Harry’s intrigued by his sculptures and paintings.

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Snatch (PG-13) by didntyoupotter

Summary: Harry is comatose, Hermione and Ron aren’t much help, and Draco isn’t sure about anything anymore.

Notes: The opening scene fools you into thinking this will be a light read with a streak of good humour. Don’t fall for it. By the third act, you’ll be hanging onto every word and feeling a lot of emotions. Also, back in the day, this was one of the Draco/Harry fics. Everyone knew of it. Pay your respects to your fandom history and read this beloved classic.

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The Stages of Acceptance (T) by Lomonaaeren.

Summary: Harry, already happily married to Ginny, receives the news that he's Draco's mate. Law and custom don't give him the option of ignoring the news. The stages of his reaction, one by one.

Notes: This is not a romance, and I love that the author just casually chucks all the Veela tropes in the bin and says “nope”. In Lomonaaeren’s own words, this fic is more practical than romantic. Harry is unfamiliar with the Veela concepts and hates the very idea of being “shackled” to someone; he rejects Draco at once. Draco is miserable and lonely. They do eventually come to understand each other better, but it’s a huge struggle with lots of setbacks. The general air of pessimism and misery does make the small glimpses of compassion and empathy feel so well-earned. I love a fic that rations out its happiness.

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The Stately Homes of Wiltshire (E) by waspabi

Summary: Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.

Notes: This one needs no introduction. The writing is polished, the characterisation perfect, and the dialogue is fun. I love the humour woven throughout it.

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Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain (E) by faithwood.

Summary: It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that's ever so cross.

Notes: Another one that most of us know. It’s a lighthearted and fun read.

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Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow (M) by novembersnow

Summary: In the war-torn years after Hogwarts, one man has no knowledge of his yesterdays.

Notes: Another classic back in the feverish heyday of the Harry Potter fandom, when books were still being released and everyone had worked themselves up into a shipping frenzy. And no wonder this fic was an instant hit. Draco has lost all his memories and Harry’s investigating as an Auror, but the longer you read, the more you start questioning everything. Good twists and turns that lead to a tender ending.

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Turn by Saras_Girl

Summary: One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Notes: An inevitable inclusion on any favourites list. I think my favourite thing about it is the characterisation. Everyone is so well-rounded; the characters are brought to life and feel like old friends. All their habits, styles, mannerisms, even the way they walk or talk. While I love everyone in this fic, I have to admit that Blaise is just amazing. Of all the thousands of Blaises imagined by fanfic writers, I love this one the best. “Old bean” indeed.

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Under the Ivy (PG-13) by coffeejunkii

Summary: It is impressive how much you can learn about someone by simply sharing a few rooms. They don’t spend time together, not really, but Harry still knows that Malfoy prefers raspberry jam over strawberry, that he hums along to the Wireless when he thinks no one is around, and that his leg is bothering him more than usual when the temperatures drop below freezing.

Notes: Another old, old favourite of mine. It’s like snuggling into a soft blanket. Remus owns a cottage and Harry moves in after the war. Later, Remus lets a room to Draco, who is an outcast after the war and has limited housing options. Harry isn’t happy at first with the new lodger, but he eventually warms up to Draco. A slow and gentle romance.

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Vale Sanare (M) by rurounihime

Summary: Draco’s world gains a new component, just when he thought he’d sorted everything out.

Notes: London nightclubs, one-night-stands, loud music and lonely nights. Draco has seizures due to a curse from the war, and the seizures have led to a fear of intimacy. Short and sweet.

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The Way Down (T) by lettered

Summary: Malfoy’s all, “Come out of there,” the way you say to a cat who is badly behaved. And Harry’s all like, “No, what, I’m a hermit! And I have a chest-monster! And I am crazy magically powerful!” and Malfoy’s all, “We all have problems, bub.” (thoughtfully) “You are crazy though. I’ll give you that.”

Notes: I just adore this fic. The fic starts well-grounded, giving you a solid backstory and matter-of-fact context, but as it goes on, it slowly unravels into dreamy scenes, lush settings, and repeated motifs. It’s just such a beautiful story.

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When Love beckons to you, follow him (PG-13) by megyal

Summary: Draco wakes up, lost, somewhere in a forest. He has no idea where he is or how he got there. As he is blundering around trying to find his way home, he hears Harry's voice in his head, telling him what to do.

Notes: I generally like my fics to be bittersweet or with a bit of heartache — but this fic is just a little cloud of softness. If you need something light and lovely without being syrupy-sweet, this is a good choice!

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The World of the Living (M) by fourth_rose

Summary: A traumatised war hero and a convicted criminal under the roof of an eccentric journalist make for a rather odd ensemble, but Luna has never had a problem with oddities as long as they make sense.

Notes: The story is told from Luna’s perspective, which gives everything a lovely dreamy quality. She takes in a couple of strays after the war — first Harry, who is avoiding his other friends and has quit his Auror job — and then she offers a room to Draco right after his trial. Draco is rude, angry, and ungrateful; Harry is churlish, withdrawn, and moody. Luna doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest, and over the course of the next few months, her house guests slowly warm up to each other.

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Voices From the Fog (E) by noeon

Summary: After years of running away, Harry crosses paths with an all-too familiar face and follows him to Amsterdam.

Notes: Harry drifts across Europe, trying to forget the war. He ends up in a woodworking shop in Amsterdam, alongside a moody Draco. Atmospheric settings and solid characterisation.

[chudleycanonficfest]

Hide and Seek

Day 6, Story #1 is by @adenei

Title: Hide and Seek

Author: adenei

Pairing: Teddy Lupin/Victoire Weasley

Prompt: Babysitting

Rating: PG

TW: Mild Language

**********

“Don’t let them stay up too late,” Ginny reminds him as she opens the front door.

“And send us a Patronus if anything goes wrong. We’ll be here in an instant,” Hermione adds fretfully.

“Oi, ‘Mione, really? They’re not babies anymore!”

“Let’s go, or we’re going to miss our Portkey.”

Teddy laughs at the interaction. Of all the adults, it’s Harry who’s pressing them about tardiness. The foursome are headed on a weekend getaway, staying at the Delacours’ beachside cottage for three nights. James was shipped off to George and Angelina’s, while Rose opted to go to Percy and Audrey’s, so Teddy’s charges only include Albus, Hugo, and Lily.

“Everything’s going to be fine. I’ve got this! And if I don’t, I can think of at least five other Weasleys to call. Maybe even a Malfoy if I’m desperate.”

“That’s not funny, Lupin,” Ron warns as Ginny swats him upside the head.

“But if Scorpius does ask for Albus to go over for an afternoon, it’s fine!”

“Noted. Go enjoy your weekend!” 

Teddy half shoves them out the door this time as he shuts and locks it behind them. The kids are out back playing in the garden, so Teddy goes out to join them. He’s chuffed that Harry and Ginny trust him enough to watch Al and Lily for the weekend. Plus, Ron and Hermione added Hugo to the mix. Normally, they’d be shipped off to the Burrow to stay with Molly and Arthur, but since it’s only a long weekend, and the kids are ten and twelve now, Teddy Lupin, a recent Hogwarts graduate, has been bestowed the responsibility. 

He’s always been the mature older ‘sibling’—well, he counts himself as a sibling or cousin to all the Weasleys, but he’s not blood-related. Harry and Ginny half raised him, though, so he’s just as much a part of the family as any of the kids. Heck, maybe someday he’d officially be part of the family. 

No, it’s too early to be having those thoughts.

But there’s one person who makes him happier than anything to know he’s not related to the Weasleys by blood. Victoire, his best friend and girlfriend. As Teddy sits back and gets comfortable on a patio chair, he lets his mind wander to spring afternoons spent by the lake as he observes the kids playing on the muggle swingset Harry insisted on putting together years ago.

“Who knew a giant Muggle toy would get so much use?”

Teddy jumps at the sound of a voice he’s not expecting.

“Vic! What are you doing here? I mean, not that I’m complaining, but…”

She laughs as Teddy backtracks. The sound is music to his ears, soft and lyrical, and something he’ll never tire of. Making her laugh is something he’s striven to do ever since they were young. When she fell off her toy broom, he made his hair change colors at a rapid pace in an attempt to make her giggle, and then there was the time she broke up with her first boyfriend during her fourth year, when he’d used the Jelly Legs Jinx on the bloke’s legs while he walked over a patch of ice. Victoire’s laugh has always been the fuel that set his heart on fire.

“Well, you said you had to babysit this weekend, and I thought I might come over and help entertain my cousins,” she explains as she pulls up a chair next to him.

“Yeah, but the adults have only just left! You don’t think I can keep the kids alive on my own for more than an hour?”

“Of course, I do!” She slides her hand in his while waiting for a beat, “especially since James isn’t here.”

“Oh, I see how it is! James isn’t that bad.”

“No, he’s not. He just likes mischief. It’s a common Weasley trait.”

“And a Potter one, too, if I’m not mistaken. Harry and Ginny never stood a chance, especially after naming him after Harry’s dad and godfather.”

“True. When I have kids, they won’t be named after anyone. They deserve to have their own unique names.”

Teddy offers a sad smile at Victoire’s words. He’s named after his dad and granddad and doesn’t mind all that much, but he sees where Victoire is coming from, what with being named after a bloody war for Merlin’s sake.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have insisted on entering this world on the second of May, then. I mean, come on, Vic, of all the days!”

“Oh, sod off, Lupin,” she feigns seriousness while her eyes shine with mirth.

“I do agree with you, though. There’s enough people in this family who’re named after somebody else. I don’t mind it, but I do like the concept of original names. Though, I do think we’re a ways off from baby name talk, don’t you?”

He can’t help but lighten the mood. Teddy’s sure she means nothing by the comment and is just thinking out loud, but something still possesses him to weave it into their future. Perhaps it’s to gauge her thoughts in a casual manner?

“Probably, but it’s fun to talk about, isn’t it? I mean, it’s not like we’re actually picking names or anything.”

“Or determining how many kids we’re going to have…”

“Which would absolutely be—”

“Two!” they both say at the same time.

It’s really more of an inside joke, with Teddy witnessing firsthand the chaos that is the Potter household with three kids, and Victoire being the oldest of three. And yet, there’s some truth laced into their lighthearted conversation.

“See?” Victoire says as she leans in close, “This is why we’re good together.”

She plants a kiss on his cheek at the exact wrong moment because that’s when Hugo shouts,

“Victoire! Look, guys! Vic’s here!”

“Oops,” she whispers bashfully in his ears.

So far, they’ve managed to keep their relationship a secret from the family, but it looks like that’s about to end sooner rather than later. Of course, Harry and Ginny know, and Vic told Bill and Fleur when she came home at the end of term, but the cousins were still blissfully unaware… until now.

The three kids run over to Vic and Teddy, and Lily eyes them with curiosity. “Teddy, why did Vic just kiss you on the cheek?”

There are a multitude of different answers Teddy could choose from. ‘No reason’, ‘don’t worry about it’, ‘it’s nothing’, but instead he opts for, “Why do you think, Lils?”

Her eyes grow wider than her small face allows, and a wide O forms on her lips. “Are you two… together?” she whispers.

Teddy and Vic share a look. They both know the secret’s out now.

“Yeah, Lils, we are,” Teddy admits as he holds up the hand that’s still intertwined with Vic’s.

If there weren’t wards in place, Teddy’s sure that Lily’s shriek of delight could have been heard for miles. Albus and Hugo, on the other hand, seemed disinterested in the whole ordeal.

“Can we play hide and seek or something?” Albus asked once Lily was done reacting to the news.

Point in case.

“Wait, who else knows?” Hugo interrupts Albus’s question and bringing the focus back on Teddy and Vic.

“Of all the cousins? Only you three,” Vic answers.

“Only us?” Lily gasps.

“Not even James?” Albus eyes Teddy curiously.

“Not even James,” Teddy confirms. “Tell you what, we can go play hide and seek now, but what about an even better game?”

All three look on expectantly, waiting for Teddy’s proposition.

“What if we play, ‘let’s see how long it takes James to figure out Vic and I are dating’? We can all place bets, and I’ll take whoever guesses the closest date out for ice cream.”

Vic flashes him a knowing smile as the kids contemplate his offer.

“I’m in,” Lily says without thinking it through.

“Me too,” Hugo agrees.

“But that means we’ll have to keep it a secret,” Albus realizes.

He’s much more intuitive at eleven than Teddy ever dreamed of being.

“Yeah. Everyone else has to find out on their own, which means you can’t tell anyone.”

Lily and Hugo both nod in agreement, and after a bit more pondering, Albus agrees.

“Okay, but can we pick dates later? I want to play!”

Ted and Vic both laugh as Teddy offers to count to twenty. He closes his eyes and makes a big show of counting while Vic remains at his side.

“Nice one.”

“Thanks,” he responds in between shouting numbers. “I figure James is thick enough that we’ll get at least a couple more weeks out of him. He is Harry’s son, after all...”

Not only did they get a couple of weeks out of the deal, but the rest of the summer. It wasn’t until September first when James caught them snogging behind a pillar on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters and ran to announce it to the world that the couple knew the jig was up. 

“Looks like I owe Al a trip to Fortescue’s next time I see him.”

[trulyinspiringmovies]

Turning Red

“Turning Red” excels in animation, comedy, and heart, which is a shame because this movie wasn’t released theatrically and has a ton of controversy surrounding it.

Mei Lee is now 13 years old and is experiencing changes in her body. It turns out that her family was blessed with the ability to transform into giant red pandas. When her family made the move over to America, suddenly the blessing became a curse. Now, Mei must control her emotions because any strong emotions will turn her into a panda. She has to wait a month before her family can start a ritual that will contain the panda forever. The only problem is her favorite band, 4 Town, is touring and she needs to make money to buy tickets.

It is a damn shame that this movie was robbed of its theatrical release. It’s such a high-quality film that would’ve benefitted from the biggest screen possible. The animation is great. It’s amazing how far computer animation has come in terms of emulating fur. And just like true Disney/Pixar fashion, the pushing of boundaries is not purely for aesthetics. There’s a reason for all the realistic fluff. The fluff really adds to the cuteness this movie was going for, especially with the cats during Mei’s test. What also adds to the stellar animation was the inspired art style. All the characters have that signature CalArts style mixed with anime movement and particle effects. Characters would have their eyes sparkle when they saw something cute or have mini stars coming out when they gave a thumbs up. I’m proud to say that the story for this movie falls into the good half of Disney/Pixar movies. It’s emotional and impactful while still maintaining a healthy amount of comedy. There were so many scenes where I was laughing out loud. I think the most important part about this movie was its metaphors for womanhood. There’s this focus on blossoming from a girl to a woman throughout the whole movie. Turing into a red panda is a metaphor for menstruation. Girls are shown to have crushes on boys. The school mascot is a beaver for crying out loud. This movie is a celebration of womanhood and I think that’s super important to have, especially with a movie this good. I see lots of controversy around this movie because of its on-the-nose metaphor for menstruation and liberal coverage of pad usage amongst women. I simply do not understand why there is an argument. These are just normal things that women have to go through and are being tackled in a lighthearted, family-friendly way. Why are we against the normalization of normal bodily functions? If we can have jokes about farting and be okay with it, then why is this any different? Movies are designed to tackle real-world experiences in ways that are fun and digestible. If you are a man who has a problem with this movie because it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you’re the problem. Stop shaming women for doing what their bodies were designed to do. Don’t silence the experience of any human being just because you were taught to be ashamed of it. If you look at this movie without any bias, you would see that this is an inspired movie with a fun concept and great visuals.

★★★★★

Watched on March 17th, 2022

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers (February 22nd, 2021)

Hello! Here’s another collection of anon ask answers all put together in one big post.

This might be strange considering how upbeat yall are about the fandoms for your games in general, but is there any particular trope or ship you WOULDN'T want us writing/drawing/etc. in relation to your stuff? (IE, any canon you don't want us 'overwriting' or something like that?)

Of course we would want the fan content people make to not be racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted, harmful, etc. But in terms of generally doing non-canon pairings or adding in headcanons or stuff, we really don’t mind that. People are welcome to have fun and explore their own ideas.

for the 1.2 Android update was it meant to download as a  separate app? I really want to keep my previous save files but they don't show up (also thank u for the updates I'm really excited to get back into the game!!)

We had to change the name of the file and unfortunately for some phones that meant it’s treated as a brand new game. I’m sorry your saves didn’t transfer over to the new version. You can try to look up your specific phone and see if there’s a way to access save files for games on your device and then transfer those saves over to the new build manually. It may or may not be possible.

I'm having some trouble figuring out how to get the update from Itichio without losing my save files? Is it the same game or a folder I can put in the properties? Sorry if this question is not worded well or if this isn't the avenue you'd want to take technical questions on

Are you using Android? If so, the above answer may apply to you. If you’re on PC or Mac, the save files will automatically still be included.

Hey. I really loved playing our life. It was a fun experience and I never thought I would like it this much. I do have a question, I am currently replaying the game and I am choosing choices I never chose at first. In step 2 during the road trip arc, I decided to ask Cove about what he liked to see on people. One of his response was anklets and black eyes. My MC have just happens to have black eyes. Do Cove say black eyes cuz my mc have it or it was just a coincidently programmed into the game?

He uses your eye color intentionally! If you changed your eye color he’d change what he said.

Will step 4 have 10 moments like steps 1-3? 

Step 4 is only an epilogue. It plays like the openings/endings of the earlier Steps where it’s a bunch of scenes all in a row, there aren’t any individual Moments.

hi! who was/were the artist(s) for our life? 

&

who is the artist for Our Life: Beginning and Always?

Main Sprite and CG Artist: Addrossi

Main Background Artist: Vui Huynh

Main Interface Artist: Winter Slice

Other artists who helped out can be seen in the credits of the game.

In the new ol, there are two main love interests... Would it be possible to pair them together or is that weird? 

You can’t stay single and pair them together. If we are going to add all the extra content to have a route where the two LIs get together, it’d be a full poly route where them and the MC were all dating. And that’s not a for sure option yet because it’d add a lot of extra complications. But either way, in OL the relationships all gotta be about the MC, haha.

In OL2, there will be extra LIs in form of DLCs? Like Dexter and Baxter. 

Maybe! We’ll see how it goes.

Since Cove will have 2 diff body types in s4, will the storyline and dialogs reflect this? Or all of it will be the same? Btw love the game and sorry for bad english. Hope this doesn't sound rude 😅 

Some descriptions and pieces of dialog will change, but it won’t impact the story really. And you don’t need to apologize! It’s all good.

Will you ever release the transparent sprites of the Our Life characters? 

Probably not, I’m afraid. They’ve got a lot of pieces and it’d just be kind of hard to deal with, aha.

Something I was curious about, what was your inspiration for making a game with so much customization?

Initially, the idea was just about having a romance where you actually grew up with the LI. But it was pretty stressful to try deciding how fast the relationship would progress with it taking place over such a long period of time and with no real storyline carrying it. People might not wanna play a game where the characters don’t get along as kids, but other people might not bother with a game where kids immediately liked each other. So the obvious answer came, just let the player pick themselves how it goes. From there we simply continued to add more flexibly with the MC due to the same thought process of wanting to make sure people were onboard with how their life was going.

What made you decide to change the artstyle for ol 2 so much? I of course respect all your decisions and will buy the shit out of everything related to ol 2, but i love the original style and i m honestly not a fan of the styles shown on patreon, despite me liking the painterly style in general. (I don t mind the style being changed, just that the examples shown so far all feel like there s something wrong with them.) 

We’ve always used different art styles for each of our projects. They all have distinct looks from each other. It’s just nice to do something new. I’m glad you really like how the first game looks, though. And those samples were only general concepts, rather than the exact options being decided between. We wanted to see reactions to different options. The art style we’re going with won’t be exactly like those, though I personally like all of them. I think players are gonna enjoy the style Our Life: Now & Forever when it’s revealed.

Hey! Is it ok to ask what gender ourlife2 protagonist will be and if we'll be given the same opportunity to customize an MC? Totally understand if you're keeping this under wraps for now if u don't wanna say! 

OL2 will have the same type of MC customization as OL1, but even more refined! So their gender will be up to you.

Hi! I happened upon Our Life on Steam by pure chance. It is such a great game, I am super excited about the DLC, and I just want you all to know that you are awesome! :D I have a question, and I'm sorry if it's been asked before. Do you have plans of making more games similar to Our Life, with customizable player character? The customizable player character was probably the one thing I personally have been desperate for in romance VNs. So glad there finally is one and would love to see more.

Thank you! And yep, we do have plans for more games like Our Life, most notably is another game in the franchise- Our Life: Now & Forever. We’ll also likely have other, non-OL, games with customizable MCs, though we may still have some games with set MCs in the future as well.

On the patreon dlc just curious but is it possible to play it without actually sleeping together/getting the nsfw content? I just want to spend more time with Cove 

Yeah, you can still choose not to go that far. Though the event is shorter if you pass on the 18+ stuff.

At the beginning of Step 2, did Cove end up accidentally falling asleep in your bed? Or did he fall asleep on the floor? 

He fell asleep sitting on the floor with his body/head leaning against the side of the bed.

This may seem like a weird question, but what exactly is the difference between "direct" and "relaxed" on the comfort scale?

Direct is blunter and more teasing, relaxed is lighthearted and goes with the flow.

can the MC have tattoos in step 3? 

Not in Step 3, but you can in Step 4.

how would Cove react if he visited somewhere like North Carolina in winter where it can get in the 20s(F) at night sometimes? 

He would be shocked and unprepared for what serious coldness is really like, haha. The poor beach baby would wanna go home.

Hello! I just joined the PATREON!! It’s amazing! I love your games! I have a question, approximately how much after will the nsfw be out? After or before the dlc 3 and step four? Sorry my English isn’t the best!❤️❤️❤️ 

Thanks so much! The NSFW DLC will be out after the Step 3 DLC but before Step 4. And you don’t need to apologize for that ^^.

This might be obvious but, will step 4 have dlcs? Also, where will the nsfw dlc happen? Won't bother me at all if it s in in our or his house but i do think it d be moderately funny 

Step 4 will have the Cove Wedding DLC and the Derek and Baxter romance DLCs each add a lot of new content to Step 4, though they’re also partially set in Step 2 and Step 3 respectively. The NSFW DLC happens in Cove’s room.

I keep wondering what would've happened if Mr. Holden met Lizzie first instead of the MC. I can't see that turning out well somehow lol. 

It wouldn’t have made a difference. He met the MC’s parents first and they told him about their two kids. He wanted the MC specifically to be Cove’s friend because the two were the same age.

Even though we have a way to go I'm really excited for OL 2! I was curious though, is the next main character going to be adopted again? I thought it was really clever to make the first main character adopted so when players are customizing,  they can make them look how ever they like without worrying about pesky genetics. Just wondering! 

The OL2 MC is not adopted. We wanted to go for a new dynamic. Instead their parents are their biological single mother who is partially customizable and an off-screen sperm donor father. So the mom will look generally like the MC and any other traits not from her can be assumed to come from whoever the father was.

—– —– —–

Thank you so much for all the asks ^^

FAQ   If you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Infodump/Long Post: Caffeine, Sugar, Dopamine, & ADHD

Hi. I’m Nico. I don’t usually infodump on here but Aiden did before & fellow neurodivergent people seemed to enjoy seeing nd centered content, & people gave him a lot of attention, so…

Here goes I guess. I hope y’all like it.

It’s gonna be a bit long but I found it fascinating so—

So first important thing is, this is based on research studies I found & theories I know, as well as my own observations, & may not be absolutely perfect because of that. But for the purpose of sharing information I’m going to tell you the theories & findings & build from there. Just bear in mind these aren’t set in stone & knowledge could change in the future - this is based on recent/current findings & understanding.

((& I don't want any arguing about the theories, the existence of ADHD, the addictive nature of caffeine/sugar (that's not the central topic here), or the way I formatted this in replies/reblogs please))

——

So many of you may know that ADHDers are affected differently by caffeine (coffee) than non-ADHDers (& neurotypicals). It’s actually been so consistent that I can tell if someone is ADHD or not based on their reaction to coffee - even before they’re diagnosed. It’s generally accepted that stimulants affect ADHDers differently. Coffee/caffeine usually puts ADHDers to sleep, or makes them drowsy, or makes them very focused, & it’s sometimes baffling as an ADHDer that some people can drink coffee to feel energized & jittery (it feels like a lie sometimes). That’s not to say that people who aren’t put to sleep by caffeine can’t have ADHD, but it’s very common to be put to sleep/calmed down by coffee.

Based on my personal experience with coffee, I’ve had a 20 ounce black coffee put me to sleep for four hours. I also, just yesterday, had a 20oz sugared latte & ended up hyperfocusing on this (topic of infodump), rewriting an intro template we made around a year ago, & writing stories (a special interest of mine) for around 6-8 hours total.

Now I think I might know why.

So I suspected the other day that maybe it had something to do with dopamine, & I did some research on how caffeine affects the brain. But because I also know sugared coffee (e.g. syrup-flavoured lattes, which is what I prefer) seem to have a different affect (especially depending on how much sugar you use), I looked into how sugar affects the brain too.

——

This is gonna use a few technical terms so I’ll explain them first for anyone who doesn’t know—

Adrenaline/Epinephrine: “A hormone your body can release (especially when you’re under stress) that increases blood circulation rate (quickens heart beat, strengthens force of heart’s contractions), breathing speed, & carbohydrate metabolism, & prepares your muscles to be used. It’s part of the human ‘fight or flight’ response to fear, panic, or perceived threat. An adrenaline rush can feel like anxiousness, nervousness, or pure excitement as your body & mind prepare for an event.”

Adrenaline Simplified - It gives you heightened energy, excitement, strength, & alertness, & a lot of it will make you jittery, anxious, or panicky.

Serotonin: A neurotransmitter compound which constricts the blood vessels and acts as a neurotransmitter. It’s responsible for influencing/stabilizing mood, feelings of well-being & happiness, cognition, reward, learning, memory, & numerous physiological processes (nausea & vasoconstriction (narrowing (constriction) of blood vessels by small muscles in their walls to slow blood flow)).

Serotonin Simplified - reduces depression, regulates anxiety, heals wounds, stimulates nausea, maintains bone health, helps with sleeping, eating, & digesting, & regulates happiness, well-being, & mood stability; it’s a soother & a happy chemical. A lot of it will make you extremely energetic & jittery.

Dopamine: “A neurotransmitter compound. When dopamine is released in large amounts, it creates feelings of pleasure (happiness, achievement) & reward, which motivates you to repeat specific behaviours; low levels of dopamine are linked to reduced motivation & decreased enthusiasm for things that would excite most people. It controls mental & emotional responses but also motor (physical) reactions. Known for being the “happy hormone”; responsible for the experience of happiness. The anticipation of most types of rewards typically increases the level of dopamine in the brain (anticipatory pleasure), & then you get a larger dose later when you get the reward.”

Dopamine Simplified - It’s your happiness/pleasure response to achievements, rewards, praise, etc. It functions as both motivation & reward, & when it’s functioning properly it’s what keeps you focused on tasks until they’re done.

Residual Dopamine: Dopamine that’s “floating” around in your brain, ready to be deployed as needed to motivate you & help you get through less fun tasks.

Temporary Dopamine: Dopamine that you get as a reward from things like beating a level in a video game, winning the lottery, etc. (accomplishments); is released after an accomplishment or event is over.

Note that typically, these chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, & adrenaline) are supposed to be balanced, & they’re supposed to be generally not very difficult to get. In mentally ill or some neurodivergent brains, however, these chemicals are imbalanced.

——

Now that the technical stuff is out of the way -

Caffeine lowers your serotonin levels, majorly increases dopamine, & releases adrenaline.

Sugar raises all three - serotonin, dopamine, AND adrenaline.

So sugared coffee will raise serotonin, dopamine, & adrenaline levels.

So how does that make them affect ADHDers differently?

——

This part is based on something called Low Arousal Theory (& no that’s not sexual).

Basically, the theory states that what makes an ADHDer appear inattentive or hyperactive has to do with dopamine in the brain - both how much we have & how easy it is to get it.

ADHDers, according to this theory, have lower residual dopamine. This causes an imbalance between dopamine and other neurotransmitter compounds/hormones.

Because of this, then, ADHDers have to rely on temporary hits of dopamine, both to focus & to boost their mood. There are often less ways we can get enough dopamine, since our brain doesn’t pre-produce enough & we thus need more dopamine total to be able to focus. So we end up hyperfocusing on anything that automatically gives large doses of dopamine - which usually ends up being things like TV shows (binge watching), video games (blackout hyperfocus where you play for hours & lose time), & social media (like, scroll, comment, scroll, lots of feedback/reward).

——

(Note in this case sugared coffee can mean coffee with sugar cubes/physical sugar added, coffee with sugary creamer added, coffee with milk added coffee with sugar syrup added, coffee with flavoured sugar syrup added, & coffee with any combination of those added (because those will all add at least a little sugar); & black coffee means coffee/espresso with not even milk added)

So if black coffee raises your dopamine levels, that means, for non-ADHDers, that it makes them energized, jittery, anxious, motivated and alert. Sugared coffee has a more significant/amplified, but similar, affect & this often shows up as shakiness & inattentiveness.

Non-ADHDers will get an artificial imbalance & a whole lot of dopamine, adrenaline, &/or serotonin. Since they already have enough dopamine naturally, this spike causes hyperactive/inattentiveness.

For ADHDers, however, their dopamine levels are low, so black coffee will cause an artificial imbalance but will leave the ADHDer with enough dopamine (higher levels of dopamine) to be motivated to do tasks & focus, & this usually causes focused drowsiness in small doses. Large doses (usually 20+ ounces of black coffee) will put the ADHD brain to sleep.

Sugared coffee though, for an ADHD brain, will cause an artificial balance with higher levels of dopamine, so this usually creates either blackout hyperfocus (medium dose of sugar + medium (16-20oz) coffee), calm focus (large coffee (20-32oz) + some sugar), or amplified hyperactivity (small coffee (8-16oz) + a lot of sugar or large coffee (20-32oz) + a lot of sugar; jittery, jumpiness, running around).

((Note the oz are an estimate & will vary depending on your personal tolerance for caffeine & sugar))

Essentially, sugared coffee could have a similar affect to prescription meds for ADHDers who don’t trust meds, get bad side effects from meds, or aren’t allowed meds? (I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it or say anyone should ditch their meds to try it, especially since coffee can be addictive, but I found it fascinating either way (since it explained (potentially) why black coffee could put me & other ADHDers to sleep).)

It also means being put to sleep by coffee, or suddenly able to Do The Thing™ because of coffee, is ADHD culture. (/lighthearted)

~Nico

[twopoppies]

hi gina! i wonder if you have any fic rec where harry or louis is bi? i read some like What Side Of Love Are You On? and Them Butterflies, they're so so good and i was trying to look for more 🥺

Oh, good question, love. I don’t have a ton, and most of these don’t have either of them “actively” bisexual, but I really like all of them.

Danger I Can’t Hide by CelticSky (E, 227K) This one’s got all the tension and drama you’d expect of a World War II story—life and death high stakes, friends and lovers unexpectedly torn apart, battles and heroism, plus the added stakes of classism and homophobia—then add a slow burn, high risk, scorching love affair spanning years. If you want a story that’s complex and fantastically researched, plus lovers to root for, read it. It’s long. But I couldn’t put it down. (Harry is bisexual)

The Serpent and the Lion by @louiseparker (E, 212K) Despite the fact that I have zero interest in Harry Potter, I was pulled into this immediately and read all 200+K in two days. The author does a wonderful job of creating a nuanced OT5 friendship, writes great dialogue, and draws a intricate picture of life at Hogwartz. Most of all, I loved the use of flashbacks to tell the story, the deeply layered characterization of Harry, and how wonderfully he and Louis fit together and brought out the best in each other. I’m so happy I found this one. (Louis is bisexual).

to hell with romancing by @bottomlinsons (E, 8K) This is worth reading for Harry’s internal monologue alone. This is just a funny fic that morphs into a sweet and really sexy one. (Louis is bisexual)

And Touch Me Like You Never by runaway_train (E, 36K) I really enjoyed how this author handled Harry’s confusion and growing attraction and eventual sexuality crisis. That, along with the angst and very sexy smut, made it a really good read. (Harry is bisexual)

the way the storms blow by rbbsbb (E, 22K) This is basically a PWP with bi Harry and pining Louis. And it’s pretty damn hot.

you and me by deLILAh (M, 13K) There’s something really beautiful about the way this author writes the alternating POV in this one — starting each switch off with what reads like a memory written in a diary. Be prepared for the OFC Harry is dating in the beginning to have some on screen time, but it makes their break up that much better. Also this fic has two of my favorite tags ever: #harry is straight but lol jk #harry/blonde skank warning 😆

Fall Into Your Gravity by Zarah5 (E, 74K) as far as I’m concerned, everything this author writes is gold — especially in terms of dialogue/banter, characterizations, and pacing. Her smut is hot af as well. Anyway, this one is really sweet and gentle. Harry isn’t exactly confused about his sexuality so much as hadn’t really ever acted on the idea that he might be attracted to men. But I love the way he and Louis flirt and become aware of their attraction to each other.

every universe but ours by @28finelines (E, 50K) This fic so touching and funny and sexy and I read it all in one go. Please go read it because it’s like reading multiple Larry fics in one, each one with that “I would find you in any lifetime” vibe. (Louis is bisexual)

trusting things beyond mistake by sarcasticfluentry (E, 10K) This author is always a sure bet for me, and their smut is always super hot. I love the way Louis gets pulled in to "helping" Harry in this one. (Harry is bisexual)

(your heartbeat) rang true inside my bones by flimsy (E, 33K) this fake dating, canon divergent fic is fun and sexy. Throw in a little pining and jealousy and it’s a good time! (Harry is bisexual)

smile in slow motion by istajmaal (E, 24K) One of my favorite Daddy kink authors, this one is lighthearted and funny while also being super sexy. Plus it’s got great Zouis friendship. (Harry is bisexual)

Makes Perfect by checkthemargins (E, 9K) Because this fic was written in 2014 when no one tagged very much, I am warning you that there’s some discussion of Ha*roline and het sex. Not a huge amount, but if that’s a squick, skip this one. However….Louis in makeup and a skirt and some super smutty “practice” with Harry? Good stuff.

In Dreams by dolce_piccante (M, 24K) This actually might be my favorite of this author’s fics, although I know it’s definitely not the most popular. It’s just soft and romantic and sweet and I’m a sucker for tattoo artist Louis winning over slightly uptight Harry. (Louis is bisexual)

Please note that in some of these fics, their sexuality isn’t labeled. When I couldn’t ask the author directly, I chose to assume their bisexuality if they’d been with women and it wasn’t explicitly said otherwise.

[tobeornottotc]

The Problems with HIStory4; Close To You Ep 1-4 (Observation and Comments)

The verdict is out!  I actually enjoy History4, as much as there's problematic elements to it, and it does feel a bit like a regression; the acting is great, the chemistry is perfect, and it's not as bad as the trailer made it seem. Like yes, we have a very invasive annoying fujoshi trope, but the characters are written in a way that it makes sense that they fall into this.

The Fujoshi Harassing Invasive Fake Dating Trope:

Cheng is so childish and so up in the clouds, and from a typical sexist, ignorant flawed man perspective, it's like he's always never taken anything seriously because he doesn't see any need to. Also, because he doesn't take anything seriously, he's ignorant and very self-focused and takes things too far; it's his character flaw. The only person who keeps in line is Moren. Who is someone who takes a lot of things seriously but also kind of ignores or avoids feelings and what that entails.

Moren is very gentle and sweet with his friends whilst on the surface, he seems cold and distant, but he tends to be very comfortable and have fun, like the childish part of him is brought out by Cheng. They compliment each other so well. There's something about the way they like each other so unconditionally despite being so opposite to each other, they do care a lot, and they have a very ignorant homophobic mindset because of how they've been raised in society, so they don't know a lot about queerness and what it means, so that's interesting to see them learn their feelings and grow from that.

I like their domestic vibes and how they are when they're just together alone; it's not entirely romantic or in your face that there are feelings; it's very soft, and very based and focused on the depth of friendship that they've developed, and I think that's so cute and adorable to see. The only thing I don't like about their storyline is the fujoshi trope; she's not always there; she's hidden but her presence always reminds me of why this trope is so problematic because she should be called out for her invasiveness. She should be taught about why what she's doing is not okay; maybe she does, later on, do so but I can't tell how serious this writer wants to be with this show. She may have genuinely just wanted a typical old BL style novel like show in the past that we used to read that doesn't address problematic stuff.

The show is very light and funny with these twos story so she may not want it to be so serious, which is why I'm trying to be careful when analysing the show. My thing is the fujoshi thing needs to be addressed because her actions aren't okay more than Cheng and Moren. The trailer for the show is wildly exaggerated and made me dread watching the show. Still, although Cheng is sometimes quite touchy and can fall into that line of harassment, it's been called out by Moren in episode 1, and everything in the trailer that seemed problematic with harassment for them isn't like it is.  It's just them joking around and being Moren and Cheng. Moren may feel weirded out by some situations, but it's not against his consent, is what I'm trying to say. Cheng is not meant to be a perfect character; his flaw is his childishness, and how he doesn't take things seriously, so he comes across as rude, invasive, loud etc. But for them, there's nothing so far that is as bad as what the trailer suggested it would be. Maybe, later on, I'd change my mind.

The Stalker Obsessesive Step Brother Trope:

For Jie and Xingsi. It's different. It's the same issues with stories about obsession, possession and trauma tropes. People will not like Jie because the reason why he does what he does, is because his character outline is based on a mental disorder (that isn't even diagnosed, but it's clear he's on a  sociopathic spectrum), he's emotionally shut off, so he doesn't have any feelings, doesn't know when he's gone too far or when he is doing something to others that are seen as problematic. All he focuses on is his feelings for XingSi because he's the only person who makes him care.

Not goanna lie, their storyline has toxic elements, and it is weird that the show wants to humanise his actions and make him seem pitiful. For me, he is pitiful, and I do understand why he acts the way he does, but I think others would have an issue with him. I think it's hard to accept the storyline because it is romanticising toxicity and dependency, but I kinda after being freaked out by him; I've come to kind of understand why they write his character the way they did for him and Xingsi. The theme of these two's story is conforming to societal pressures vs being free and accepting your self. So they kind of help each other with the other's problem/issue.

You can decide if you want to see that as romantic or if you are so turned off by Jie's insensitive actions. For me, this is a typical toxic storyline that makes sense to me why they'll be together. For example, when looking at Jie; Obviously, he's been nurtured into developing parts of being sociopathic to deal with the pain of his childhood. It's not an excuse to let him get away with his actions; I'm just saying I understand his character outline. He doesn't trust people; he doesn't let anyone in. So he's automatically someone with sociopathic tendencies, very possessive, can be aggressive if he isn't sure he trusts what's happening, alienates himself and doesn't care for how others view him. But he's someone who kind of helps Xingsi deal with his own secrets; Xingsi is someone determined to be responsible/right in society; hence he hides himself and his actual wants and needs to please people.

So Jie, with his own twisted ways, is always a catalyst to helping Xingsi find out what he wants and for Xingsi to come to terms with being brave and showing who he really is to people. In a way, Jie, because he's so emotionally uncaring about what others think of him, is the antithesis to Xingsi; he is freer because he's not hiding who he is or conforming to what others think is right/wrong he only cares about his own freedom/happiness. So he provides that way and escape for Xingsi to be himself and stop pretending or acting to please people and society. That's what the writers are trying to achieve with them. Jie is then also taught about feelings and emotions because of having Si as someone he does care for automatically and does want to change for and be gentle to whilst Si learns to accept himself /stop conforming to societal pressures.

They follow typical old BL novels in the past; they have problematic issues and toxic stuff around them to discuss, and they're very flawed; they are written to help each other deal with their flaws/issue by falling for each other. Is it right to romanticize that storyline? Maybe or maybe not, we need to do better stories for BL; that's something we know, it's not okay to always have toxic or problematic storylines, but if you know me, I also enjoy the past BL tropes as well. I like toxic storylines because they have so much interesting character dynamics that are wild to explore and analyse. They usually are very angsty and dramatic, and they have a good plot. That's something I never try to hide away from, I don't agree with when people say you shouldn't write toxic storylines or add problematic characters, but that's an argument for another day etc., I just want it to be called out when its a toxic thing/problematic trope like give consequences and show them learning why its wrong, or have them go through a character development.  

It's not going to make me judge the show so badly or stop watching it when I actually enjoy the friendship, characters and lighthearted, funny vibes the show brings every Sunday. Like it makes me smile and laugh when I'm watching Cheng and Moren, and it makes me think when I watch Xingsi and Jie. So yeh I enjoy the show and I'm not ashamed to say it.

[betafibiiiiiivviiixiiixxixxxiv]

so i saw a take about eula that made me mad so here’s my (biased) rant about her

i’m pro-end user license agreement, i think she’s cute, not just appearance-wise but personality-wise too

(didn’t pull her tho bc the kinda obvious powercreeping made me salty, might pull her when her rerun comes around just to have her and not level her)

but basically the gist of this rant is gonna be i think people unfairly mischaracterize her and i’m gonna talk about why i think she’s a good bean based on the two things about her that i’ve seen people mention they dislike the most: the way she talks and her relationship to/feelings about her family

disclaimer: a lot of this is my opinion and my interpretation of her character, probably has a lot of typos

this will probably be really like

incomprehensible i’m tired sorry but i’ll try to make sense

okay so

a lot of people from what i’ve seen dislike eula bc of the way she talks, but at least try to understand why she might talk the way she does

putting aside the reason why she talked the way she did to the people of mondstadt during her story quest (i’ll get to that later), let’s talk about her whole focus on vengeance first

imo her whole thing about vengeance is a shield of sorts for her

many of the people of mondstadt would only ever see her as a descendant of the lawrence clan, someone who means to do mondstadt harm

so might as well give them what they expect, even if it’s not what you really mean

her story in her character profile even says this

“Her grievances and vengeance are but a habit, a signal, a shield.

“What remarks she should just laugh off, what concepts she should bear in mind given her unique circumstances and position...“

one has to remember that eula is a descendant of the lawrence clan, a clan that is hated in mondstadt bc of how corrupted they became during the era of the aristocracy

it’s likely that when she was a child she was ostracized even though the sins of her family, her ancestors, aren’t her own

even if she wanted to make friends with the other children of mondstadt, they were probably too distrustful of her

in her story in her character profile, there’s no mention of jean or diluc in regards to her past, but amber is mentioned to have been her friend even before eula joined the knights of favnious

it’s likely amber was one of her few friends growing up, if not her only friend

and amber is a pretty easy-going and welcoming person; she probably didn’t care about the way eula spoke all that much and bc they’re friends she understands the feelings eula hides behind her seemingly contentious words

anyways about her and the people of mondstadt

the people of mondstadt only see the family she’s a part of; they don’t see her

from her profile story:

“Eula has been viewed with contempt by the citizens of Mondstadt since birth. The Lawrence name stands for a legacy of depravity and despotism that stains Mondstadt's past and scars the minds of its citizens even to this day.

“So, whenever Eula appears, old wounds resurface. People despise the aristocracy, and this does no favors for her reputation.”

“In truth, Eula is nothing like the fearsome predator many imagine her to be. On the contrary, constantly being met with prejudice at every turn means she is often the victim.

“At one time, shops would refuse to sell her their goods, restaurants would put no care and attention into her orders, and the citizens on her patrol route would refuse to cooperate with her. So, Eula's work is fraught with difficulties.“

and in her voicelines:

“The life of a Lawrence doesn't include much worth talking about... Basically, whatever you say, whatever you do, people will always despise you and treat you like a potential threat to society. It's nowhere near as bad as it used to be, though. Before I'd joined the Knights, good grief... I couldn't even buy groceries. Even Good Hunter and Mondstadt General Goods wouldn't take my money.”

“People tell me that if I just spoke more softly, or was more polite, or acted more deferentially, others may find it easier to forgive me, but the only reason they think that way is because they've never been branded a pariah before. There is no easy path to redemption when you're a social pariah. I'm more inclined to stop tiptoeing around everyone all the time and just get out there and make them respect me the old-fashioned way! As in, we square off and if they win, I humbly accept my punishment, but if they lose, they must acquiesce to my demands... Such as... Well, I mean, if I want to buy a loaf of bread, take my darn money, for crying out loud!“

the people of mondstadt wronged her and were mean to her simply bc of the blood that runs through her veins, and i think it’s bc of that she says that she’ll have her vengeance

imo her act of vengeance against the people of mondstadt is being a faultless knight, a knight who completes their duties flawlessly and is without reproach

from her story in her profile:

“...she is a law-abiding citizen and has never harmed another Mondstadter in her life. She may come across as having a somewhat frosty demeanor, but she is entirely scrupulous in her speech and conduct.”

“When Jean sends a new recruit to track down Eula in the wilds and deliver a new set of verbal orders, they always receive the same response: ‘If you have to resort to tasking the descendant of your former oppressors with doing your work, then perhaps you are not as strong as I thought’

“But despite the antagonism in her words, she will complete her newly assigned tasks to perfection. The new recruit is invariably forced to admit that with her abilities, it is no wonder she was able to achieve a captaincy within just a few years of joining the Knights.“

and honestly i just think she’s a tsundere

my evidence, your honor?

her “About Us: Feud” voiceline:

“Our feud is for the long term, so rather than get payback on a piecemeal basis, I think I'll make things easier for myself and wait for a day when I can settle the score once and for all. It could be in ten years, could even be twenty... But don't worry, I won't forget. In the meantime, I'll need you to take good care of yourself and have a happy, healthy life, okay?”

anyways about the way she spoke in her story quest

one first has to learn that this was what she was taught that way since she was young

reading up on the lawrence family based on her profile story, the renmants of the lawrence family are pretty much a cult i think

“The Lawrence Clan may have been overthrown a long time ago, but they have never given up hope of one day rising again and reclaiming their place as the ruling class. So that they are always prepared for this monumental moment, their offspring are subjected to an educational regime so unbelievably harsh that it is considered borderline abusive.

“’Noble obligations’ must be performed to absolute perfection in every possible sense, and these obligations cover etiquette, ritual, and study as well as cooking and other domestic chores.”

and also

she clearly doesn’t talk that way all the time?

personally the reason i think the mondstadters we talked to were like ‘ugh, this again?’ is bc all of the lawrence clan does it, and eula is part of the lawrence clan so it’s like, expected of her to talk that way

but the main reason she talked that way was to give an example to the traveler

she didn’t talk that way to us when we first met her, and she didn’t talk that way to amber and sarah

and some people think she still supports her family? like man

i don’t know if we went through the same story quest or not

but eula quite clearly ruined a plan of her uncle’s that was to harm mondstadt? and during that quest she quite clearly shows her disdain for her family and her family’s ideals?

“I’ve never experienced the age of ‘glory’ you always speak of, and I’ve never understood our family’s incessant pursuit of it. [...] The Lawrence Clan should never and will never become what you’ve dreamed it to be!”

not to mention her voicelines where she makes fun of her family often:

“Knights and aristocrats share the same cultural heritage, but the knights had enough sense to do away with all the superfluous detail.“

“Aristocratic etiquette is all just for show... Just smile and nod along! I was forced to learn all of the rules by heart, but even I don't take them that seriously.”

“I heard that bard sing a few songs about the Lawrence Clan... They were lighthearted and funny stories that mocked the clan in a way I've never heard anyone else do. Even I couldn't help but burst out laughing... And for this, he must pay!”

“Technically, aged Dandelion Wine should be poured into a silver goblet and allowed to breathe for 12 minutes, then you're supposed to add ice cubes, ideally so 60% of the ice is submerged beneath the wine. I refuse to do all that though, it's not worth the hassle.”

and not to mention this voiceline where she outright states that if her family crossed the line she’d end her family herself:

“If my family members refuse to change their corrupt ways, or worse, continue to cause active harm in Mondstadt... I should be the one to end them, along with the Lawrence name itself. For once, it'd be a family obligation I'd actually enjoy. And once the deed was done, I'd be free to pick any name I wanted. Or even let you pick one for me!“

also about her saying she wants to avenge her kin in her voicelines, (this is me kinda reaching, ngl) imo it could just be her sarcasm, or she could be trying to change mondstadt’s view of the lawrence clan so that others in the family like her who aren’t as attatched to the aristocratic customs and share her beliefs can walk freely in mondstadt’s streets without fear of reprisal, which can be evidenced by this voiceline:

“The name Lawrence only became a social stigma after the clan fell from grace. It was once an honor to be called a Lawrence, but unfortunately, most people have forgotten about that part of history. The Grand Master says that I am performing rather well as a knight, and that if it's not enough to restore the honor of the Lawrence name, it's certainly a strong rebuttal against the one-sided opinions so many people throw around. I'm quite satisfied with that appraisal.“

furthermore based on her voiceline about barbara, i’m pretty sure she wants to be liked? to be acknowledged in a good way?

“Everyone loves her. What's her secret? Maybe I could learn a thing or two from her... Hmm, or maybe not. I can't imagine a ‘Shining Idol’ would want anything to do with a descendant of a depraved dynasty.“

like, she doesn’t want to be thought of as just a descendant of the lawrence clan

she wants to be known for who she is, not her family

i think this is why she avoids lisa too, since lisa would have read all about her family and she doesn’t want lisa’s judgement

lastly, what she learned from amber’s grandfather, found in her profile story:

“From him, she learned an open-mindedness and down-to-earth persistence that she had heretofore not possessed. Before grievance and vengeance, before clan and outsider, one must find "oneself" first.

“One's way of living, self-preservation, objects of perseverance...

“Then call it "grievance" and name it "vengeance" — that will not change its essential strength and goodness.

“It would be Eula's very own gentle path of revenge...“

she didn’t turn against the people of mondstadt and join her family in their crusade for glory even though the people of mondstadt treated her horribly

she instead strove to be someone worthy of being respected, someone who is more than just a part of a disgraced and despised family

anyways i think that’s all i wanted to say

basically tldr: end user license agreement is a sweet and gentle person and i like her very much