#and let me be clear this is not to say lesbians and the lesbian community as a whole are bad or transphobic ofc!

[strawbrains]

It is really disheartening how exclusionary and gatekeepy the lesbian community can be at times tbh. So much discourse is just pointless and not to mention can also be really tough on lesbians who are in the process of figuring themselves out.

[serana666]

Getting on my soapbox about something I think is REALLY important for chronically ill ppl to think about.

Being undiagnosed and disabled is a terrible experience. You’re screaming into the medical void for ANYONE to please SEE YOU and help. You start thinking “is it just me? Could it just be in my head? What’s wrong with ME?”

And I’m here to tell you, it’s 👏🏻NOT YOU👏🏻 it’s THEM. (The doctors)

I have been through the grueling process of becoming totally disabled by chronic illness, without knowing what it could be. I picked up diagnosis’ along the way: RA, then lupus, then fibro. And I am LUCKY that my blood worked with me to show those things, not everyone is so lucky.

I kept thinking (foolishly buying into the narrative doctors try and sell you) that if I could just get a *serious* diagnosis I would finally be given access to the care I needed, that ALL disabled people need. That was never the case at any step in the process.

When I was diagnosed with RA and began having symptoms outside of it, that were completely debilitating my rheumatologist told me I just needed more exercise and activity. I told them specifically I had fatigue so strong that I was loosing the ability for basic functioning.

When I found a new rheumatologist and was diagnosed with lupus I thought my troubles were over. Then she started saying weird shit like “do you have a boyfriend? You’re so pretty!”

She found out I was a lesbian when I brought my girlfriend to my appointment to be my advocate. Her whole demeanor changed to me and I spent 6-8 months with her receiving no treatment. They kept saying “oh it’s the insurance” nope they sent me letters telling me this office was not following up.

So I moved to a blue state literally out of fear that I would die waiting on these bigoted doctors. I got a rhum in a blue state. I was diagnosed with secondary fibro. Again, I foolishly believed I would finally be in the clear. No, she still minimizes and blinks at me when I describe my pain.

Doctors are not our allies, even though they should be above all else. They find ANY excuse to minimize us. So if you are someone who is undiagnosed or with a diagnosis that is misunderstood/not taken seriously , they will milk that for all it’s worth. 👏🏻ITS NOT YOU👏🏻

I’ve seen people in disabled communities minimized for their race, their weight, their gender, their sexuality/queerness, their age, their diagnosis or the lack thereof, ITS NOT YOU!

You know your body, and the pain you feel BETTER than any doctor that has been trained to systemically ignore you!

Don’t let them tell you what your reality is. It’s such a knee jerk reaction for minorities to do this to themselves.

You deserve medical care that isn’t contingent on your doctors bias’. We NEED more empathy. Don’t let their disregard for your life leak into the love you NEED to give yourself. 💕

[ramblings-of-a-detrans-woman]

Why I will never support the radical feminist movement, as a detransitioning woman.

note: this is not meant to be any sort of hit piece or slander, I respect every feminist, even ones I disagree with. This is just my reasoning for why I do not like the radfem movement.

For a bit of context, I’ve indentified as trans since I was 12. At 18, I’ve decided to live my life as a lesbian woman, and i’ve never been happier with that choice.

Now, being a young trans man, I interacted a lot with pro trans content online (of course I did), and so of course I’ve heard about radical feminism. A passionate branch of feminism that takes a unique approach to women’s rights- deconstructing gender entirely. It sounds wonderful in theory, because of course gender is oppressive, most notably of women. I would know, being one. Even when I was trans I had to worry about being out at night. I even got chased once, and a man attempted to lure me to his truck another time. It’s brutal. But radical feminists devote their activism to ending this in a straightforward, logical way.

So why do I, a woman who has experienced both misogyny and transphobia, not support that? I feel that this is a good question for both trans allies and radfems alike to to ask. Knowledge is power.

Well, I’ll be direct. Radfems are some of the most depraved people i’ve ever met. I know, that sounds like a lot, but there’s no other words I can use that don’t perfectly encapsulate my experience with radfems. It’s depravity.

For weeks, I was harassed by transphobic radfems. Radfems, who are insistent on their love and support for TIFs aka trans men. It’s strange then that they would be so cruel towards one, wouldn’t you say?

Detransition is hard enough. It’s difficult to tell family that you were wrong. It’s difficult to reconnect with my gender. Hell, i prefer the term detrans over cis just because i have such a disconnect from my gender. So why do I have to deal with transphobic radfems sending me gore and death threats?

Thankfully all of the accounts doing this seem to be deleted or repurposed. But it’s only a matter of time until a new account is made just to send me an ask telling me to kill myself or a message about how much of a loser i am.

It’s this reason alone why i’ll never be a radfem. They’re just sick people. They don’t want liberation for women, they just hate trans people. It’s not even thinly veiled, their accounts are fully based around how horrible trans women are.

The truth being, trans women aren’t bad people at all. It’s easy to think they are because the news and media cherry picks some of the worst ones, but every community and minority group has bad people in it. some of the sickest people you could imagine, really. yes, they can be trans. but does being trans make you a sick person? does it turn you into a predator? no, it doesn’t. it just means you’re trans. trans or not, it’s up to men to be mature and take accountability for their own actions that they consciously make. a cis man is as capable to walk into a women’s room as a trans woman is.

if radical feminists cared more about women and detrans women, i could consider getting along with them. but sadly, all these passionate and dedicated feminists care about is hating trans people with a fiery passion. and i’ve been a casualty. it’s very difficult for me to sympathize with radfems when they’ve upset me to the point that they have

let me make it clear that gore and death threats don’t upset me, i’m not easily offended. So it’s not the threats that make me angry. It’s just the principle. The fact that radfems are spending their time scrolling reddit for gore pictures to send to fellow women instead of supporting us makes me SICK. it’s heartbreaking to picture a woman, raped and beaten by her boyfriend, and a radfem standing in front of her, readily available to help, but choosing to yell at a passing detrans woman. It’s really sad.

hopefully those reading this can take my words into consideration and use it to improve yourselves or your community (if you’re a radfem). i love womanhood and being a woman and i would love to share that joy with my sisters, but i just can’t when these issues i’ve experienced are in the back of my mind. I want radical feminism to be a safe space, a place where sisters can go to talk to women, relate to women, cry with and support women. but so far, the only love and support i’ve received has been from the trans community. that speaks volumes.

i am going to post more about my experience with finding my womanhood again in the future, so if you’re a detrans woman yourself, trans ally or not, consider following me :) i’d love to build myself a little community

[hillbillyoracle]

When I talk about the situation for marginalized folks in the South being dire, I want to be very clear that the biggest threat is from legislators.

I think this is a concept that a lot of urban and northern folks struggle to grasp but conservatism exists on a spectrum. I live in a rural southern area. There is no way to avoid knowing, working with, or being friends with conservatives.

Let me give you an example of how it's complicated here.

My partner and I are moving into a new house (renting from my parents) in the same neighborhood. The house previously belonged our neighbor of over 20 years before he passed, a conservative Catholic man. His long time girlfriend, also a conservative Catholic, specifically wanted to sell the house to my Dad since he helped during our neighbor's cancer knowing that he was going to rent it to my partner and I. She even met us both and showed us the place.

Several times when we've been out in the yard working on it, people all up and down the road have come over to introduce themselves and get to know us. Every single one of them has voiced relief upon finding out that it's two quiet lesbians with a connection to the neighborhood moving in. One of the last people to move in, a loud MAGA conservative who regularly shoots loud rifles and hosts loud parties is near universally disliked and we are considered far more preferable.

I cannot count the times I've been over to people's houses with my partner and they've sheepishly confessed they've started voting democrat but don't want people to know. They're incredibly fed up with the culture war bullshit. One woman I know who's been loudly conservative my entre life left a position with a job placement nonprofit when they dropped a woman from the program upon finding out she lived with her girlfriend. She was livid with them and has actively worked against them since.

What I'm trying to say is that the biggest threat to me and my partner are often not the people I live around. It is the people in power. Those that would ban HRT for my partner - something a lot of conservatives I've talked to actively oppose because it opens the door for more government in medicine. Or those that would ban queer community spaces - something a lot of conservatives I know oppose because it opens the doors for states to decide who gets constitutional rights like the right to assembly.

TL;DR: Southerners are not a monolith. The reason we're in such a precarious position are the legislators and their funders. Actual community interactions are often super nuanced.

[theresattrpgforthat]

Character Friction: On “Asshole Characters”, or Shitty Little Guys.

A while ago I floated a few thoughts I had about “asshole” characters in the Indy TTRPGs community. I floated these questions because I had been listening to this interview between Klaus von Hohenloe of The Dungeon Newb's Guide and The Panic Table. In particular, Klaus mentions that some games don’t allow for player friction, and in games where this is the case (cough D&D cough), it culminates in a horrible experience for all involved.

To illustrate, I’m going to talk about some experience I’ve had with my own play groups.

Art from Last Fleet, by Vicentius Matthew.

It might be shocking to hear, but I’ve played D&D once or twice. I remember being in a campaign with two players who wanted very different things from that game. Player A wanted to bring their character on a deep emotional journey, while Player B wanted to act as strategically as possible in pursuit of their character’s benefit, often to the detriment of other members of the party. My own character wanted to track down leads to a mystery that mattered to her, but not really to anyone else. This often led to frustrating moments where characters might not communicate as much information to the party as they might have otherwise, and in other cases one character’s actions could pull the entire party’s journey off-course.

The three of us all played together in a completely different game, three years later - Last Fleet. Let me tell you, the character interactions were completely flipped on their heads. Player A got a dramatic emotional arc around an NPC who was integral to the main plot. Player B got to pursue their own agenda, often in ways that worked against the efforts of other PCs. As the GM, I was given tools that actually encouraged both of these moments: both pushing Player A to wrestle with their relationship and implicating Player B as a suspicious person very early on.

A basic move from Last Fleet.

There are a number of reasons this worked in Last Fleet and not in D&D. One, Last Fleet playbooks often encourage players to keep secrets, work against the benefit of the crew, and fuck up their relationships with each-other. Two, Last Fleet has something called the Pressure mechanic. This is both a resource and a time bomb: you can mark Pressure to improve your chances of success, but hit your cap and your character has to do something to relieve their stress - and that choice is usually rather detrimental to the ship.

Finally, Last Fleet’s a different kind of story. You’re not playing heroic adventurers fighting monsters and clearing out dungeons. You’re playing the last desperate strains of humanity, fleeing an alien threat that has the power to infiltrate your fleet and resemble the ones you love most. Last Fleet is all about how a high-stress situation can lead people to making poor decisions, and, should you desire, it can also be about how people are sometimes forced to rely on each-other in order to get through a harrowing situation.

When I compare these situations, I don’t think we had bad players at the table: we just had the wrong kind of game for the story that the players wanted. I suppose I haven’t necessarily played enough D&D to say that it can’t allow for compelling, flawed characters - what I like to call “shitty little guys” - but I certainly don’t think it’s a play culture that accounts for the diversity of player goals.

More to the point, I find myself really drawn to playing flawed characters - both with them and for them. I love my over-perfectionist superhero in MASKS who lashes out when her friends don’t meet her standards. I adore my Thirsty Sword Lesbian who doesn’t know how to flirt or how to process emotions. I’m having so much fun watching play-testers pick up their various monsters in Protect the Child and demonstrate each character’s struggles when it comes to relating to a kid. I think it’s fascinating that in Changeling: the Lost 1e, a Fairest is rewarded with a discount when they use their Contracts of Reflection to spy on people that they love.

Contract of Reflections, Equinox Road Sourcebook, Changeling the Lost 1e.

I’ve personally seen the most leeway for character friction in PbtA games, like Apocalypse World, Urban Shadows, and Apocalypse Keys. When I brought up the question in the Community post, I asked folks for other examples of playing Shitty Little Guys. Their interpretations were really interesting, and far broader than my initial scope.

@nebmia mentioned that by giving your characters “unpleasant” abilities, it will incentivize them to use those abilities in unpleasant ways.

@goblincow has a lot of thoughts about creating little guys who aren’t just horrible, but are also in horrible situations - which gives license for the players to endanger their characters in the pursuit of mischief.

@airkseablade brought up Tenra Bansho Zero, and how it uses something called an “Emotion Matrix” to randomly determine how a player character might reaction to meeting a new person, as well as “Fates”, which are goals that each player is rewarded for playing towards, but mostly based on group consensus.

@willknightauthor talked about Wraith: (The Oblivion?), and how each archetype available to players has a part of themselves that pulls them towards darker choices.

It turns out that we really like playing characters who are mean-spirited, greedy, and struggling to get what they want, and we have a lot of different ways to make that happen. It reminds me of a common piece of advice given to writers when they’re writing a novel - you want a character who’s flawed, because those flaws can be used.

In games like Trilogy or TSL, you might want those flaws because you want to see your character overcome them. In games like Mothership or Cairn, you might want those flaws because then it makes it easier to push your guys through a meat-grinder. In games like Hillfolk or Apocalypse World, you might want those flaws because you want to see just how much well-meaning or desperate characters can fuck each-other up, given the right circumstances.

So what’s the point of all this? What am I trying to get out of this?

When I hear stories about horrible players, the experience I’ve had at my tables makes me want to approach these “trouble” players with a bit of grace. Perhaps these “trouble” players simply want something that is a challenge to provide in a game like D&D, but in Mothership, Urban Shadows, Apocalypse World etc., they might find their choices welcomed and encouraged. And if you've found yourself being accused of being a "trouble" player because you like to a cause drama, perhaps these games might be more up your alley than you think!

Consider playing a game with horrible guys who suck today!

[balkanradfem]

So, in the light of sharing lesbian experiences, I thought I'd try sharing a story that makes me wary of dating; it ends in hubris, so be warned. It might make it more clear why I'm not trying to date the hot woman in my building! Click read more for a long sad lesbian story.

Years ago, I had a crush on a woman I met on tumblr. I started talking to her, and I told her honestly that I like her, and asked her if she was into women. She said yes! We started chatting and communicating daily, and after a bit we switched over to sending emails, so we could write long stories to each other. She was incredibly smart, talented, creative, she was a good storyteller, she knew so much about plants and animals, she had a garden, a dog, she lived in a country close to mine, so I could logically, at one point, sit on a train and meet her.

After we talked excitedly for a while, she told me she has a crush on me too. I was so happy. The unreachable scenario, your crush likes you back. I was living it, I was beside myself. I was dreaming of being in a relationship with her and how that would look like, and she was sending me flirty little messages in the emails. We kept talking, and slightly flirting with each other in our emails, and this went on for months. She would tell me about her life, experiences, past relationships, her art and books she wrote. I was into it all, I read anything she wrote or drew, I offered support whenever she was having a rough time or was bothered by something. I noticed at this point that if I send her my stuff, she doesn't really comment on it, but I felt okay about it, since I already had enough confidence, and wasn't looking to get praise.

During this time, I grew attached to her, I started to really love her. She was sweet and warm and so interesting to me. She knew a lot about stuff I didn't! Her stories and art were admirable and I remember fondly going trough it over and over. I felt a little bit like a child next to her, since she was 10 years older, and smarter, and I kept trying to prove that I too, am an adult, who knows stuff, and is smart. At one point we decided to have a video call, and I was so nervous, I had to go be outside to connect to a wifi, and I kept thinking what if it's awkward, what if we don't know what to say? I decided to tackle that issue by going trough a comic she drew and then using the call to give her tons of feedback, praise and opinions on it, it was a long comic so I was able to talk about it for an hour! She was happy to discuss it and our conversation went lightly and we had fun. I asked her at the end if she had a good time, and she said – yes, we talked about me the entire time! And I hadn't even realized that, until she said it. I think I felt a bit weird about it afterwards, because I do tend to fixate on people I like a lot, but ultimately, you know, we could talk about other things next time.

This is where things started feeling weird. We were talking for about 6 months then, and she was starting to disappear without notice. I wouldn't get my emails answered in a while, and every time I grew anxious and upset, wondering if I did something wrong, or she just got busy. At first I just blamed myself for, you know, being mentally ill, having abandonment issues, worrying too much. But I felt more anxious every time she'd disappear. I would sometimes have to go away too, for a few days, but I would always warn her, and let her know when I'd be away, and when I'd come back. She'd never say anything. So next time she disappeared on me, I asked her to please just let me know when she's leaving, because I easily get worried and miss her, and I do have some issues that make me feel abandoned. She said it was difficult for her to read this, because it makes her look inconsiderate in comparison to me, but she'll of course, say something next time.

She didn't. She kept both disappearing, and being too busy to respond to me. And even though we started talking with the idea of being in a relationship, it was never later discussed or prompted again, she only would add one flirty sentence to each email, so I'd know she's still interested. But now she was disappearing, or ignoring me, or  - just lost interest. I had to slowly realize that we were not, in fact, going to date. Because if she wanted to be in a relationship, surely by now it would be at least discussed or mentioned, and we would want to spend more time together, find out more about each other. And instead she was responding to me less, growing away from me, but still wrote in flirty lines. I was heartbroken, but also found it too difficult to keep pretending that it's going to happen, when it clearly was not, the contrast of what she was saying, and what was happening, was too much for me.

It took me a hot minute to gather my courage, and then I wrote to her that her disappearances are heavy on my mental health, and in order for me to feel normal about it, it's best if we continue as just good friends, and then I won't have to be stressed about why she's not responding to me. And she responded to that one instantly, saying no, we're going to date, in fact we can be dating now, she wants to. But this was instead, even more confusing to me, because why now? We didn't mention it for months, there was no progression towards it, she's organically responding to me less and less, obviously losing interest in talking regularly, she didn't care to warn me of her disappearances to ease my worry and anxiety over losing her, so how could she actually want to date? I sent her an email apologizing, calling myself an idiot, offering to talk her trough my mental process of making this decision, blamed it all on myself and my mental illness, but I couldn't bring myself back in the mindset of just, waiting for her messages, worrying if she was losing interest in me, worrying if I did something wrong and she didn't want to be with me anymore. It was mortifying to me.

I sent her further two emails apologizing and asking if she was okay, now worried if I hurt her with my giving up on romance, if she's maybe upset with me. I said sorry so many times and asked her to please share with me how this has affected her.

She never replied to any. She never talked to me again.

And I didn't understand, for a long time, what had happened there. Nothing made sense to me, in one second she was asking for a relationship, and then in the next moment she was done with me forever. I waited for a reply for such a long time, before I finally accepted that it's not coming, she wasn't... she wasn't interested in even being friends with me.

This was baffling, because I believed we had, in fact, created a good friendship over those 6 months! We learned about each other's lives, interests, pasts, we discussed ideas and art and feminism and capitalism, we told each other stories, we shared our struggles and days, we had our jokes and references, I had an entire library of her works and art in my head at this point and cared for her deeply. I thought we had a bond, and regardless of it being a friendship or a romance, we cared for each other. And I could see we weren't going to progress to a relationship, because she lost interest, or at least the desire to talk to me regularly, and I accepted it, so what was wrong?

Well, it would take me months more of thinking it trough and catching little hints and signs of things that were wrong. During our conversation, since I hoped that we would date, I would regularly try to prop her up and make her feel good about herself; I always wanted her to feel special and amazing, and would often shower her in praise and admiration. I wanted her to know that being with me would mean constant support and appreciation of everything good about her, and she'd get endless warmth and adoration, because this is what I thought relationships should be like, right, and I wanted her to know that's what I wanted for us. This sentiment was not returned to me in kind, but I didn't mind since I could already feel good about myself. She also didn't react if I sent her some of my work, but I would react to her stuff for ages, because I knew how good it is to get feedback on your own creation, anyone would enjoy that. I realized belatedly, that when she'd ask for support, I'd drop everything to reassure her and comfort her, and be mad at her behalf, while when I asked for support, she'd kinda side with me but still talk about herself. But all of these things were so subtle and tiny to me, I couldn't even see them over the excitement of 'my crush likes me back'.

I wondered, if she wasn't into me at all, then why didn't she just turn me down at the start, or somewhere down the line, she could tell me if she wasn't actually interested in dating me. Because if she seriously did want to date me, then she could have tried being friends with me, speak with me more consistently, show me that she was serious and that she does want to talk to me, and then try for a relationship later; it was unlikely that I would say no, I was filled with adoration for her. So she didn't want a relationship, and she didn't want a friendship, so why didn't she just say no to me?

Because she wanted the attention. She liked being adored and having someone pursue her so passionately. And the rest... didn't really matter to her. She would have only talked to me, and flirted with me, to have me believe we were going to date, and the second I didn't believe it, and I wouldn't pursue her in that way.. I was as good as dead to her. I was just a resource in there. She didn't care when I was starting to get hurt by being ignored by her, and she didn't care when I specifically said to her that I was struggling with mental health because she was trying to have me believe in something I saw wasn't true. She still tried to push me back into pursuing her after I gave up because of pain. She wanted the attention even when it was hurting me to give it.

I also tried to put myself in her shoes, and see how I would react in her place. I imagined if I had flirted with someone, and then ignored them for a while, and they then asked to be just friends. I don't think I would have even attempted to persuade them to go back to how they were before, because I would be horrified that I set this person up with false expectations, and then caused them pain by failing them. I would be relieved that they weren't mad at me for leading them on, and would feel awful for leading them on at all. But I also wouldn't even bring myself into this situation; if I had feelings for someone, and then realized they're fading away, but this person was still hopeful, or anxious, I'd have to set them straight and tell them what's up, so they could get a chance to move on. Saying 'no I actually want to date, lets go back to that' when I'm ready to drop them in an instant would be unthinkable to me.

What happened was so much worse than being rejected, or turned down. I was at this point wishing so badly that I had just been rejected. I would have moved on from that in a day or two. I had created a whole bond with a person who could not have cared less, and who dropped me the second I did something they didn't like. If I had known that's the reality of it, I would have never wanted to be friends, or anything else. And I also had no way of knowing, it was a shock when things turned out this badly.

I left that experience with some new conclusions. One was that I'll never try to date someone who makes me feel like a child. When I would feel dumb or childish next to her, she would poke fun at it and tease me about it, when I would genuinely feel not taken seriously, and I hated every minute of it, I hated having to prove that I'm an equal to someone. I also would no longer try to pursue anyone with so much love and attention. I might have been wrong to be so honest and direct with my intentions and my feelings. I set myself up for exploitation. It wasn't the first time I was exploited in that way either, this was just one of the worst ones.

After this experience, for a while I stopped liking people in general. Considering even being friends with someone, filled me with anxiety and exhaustion. I fell depressed and had thoughts about never talking to anyone again. I just didn't want to be put trough this again, and it took time for me to believe that a person can be that selfish and cruel, and hide it for so long, I didn't believe this could happen. I guess it hit me worse than it would have because I have abandonment issues, and this falls heavy on a heart of a person who's been abandoned before.

But anyway, I am feeling better now, and I'm very careful about having any kind of ideas about dating! I'm not interested in anyone who gives even the tiniest hint of mixed signals, or wanting to play with my heart, or promise anything unlikely or far down the line. If someone says they like me I won't even believe them! But, I'm keeping my honesty, and I won't set anyone up for this kind of pain. If I don't intend to be with someone, they'll know right away :).

[bengiyo]

Thoughts on Office Relationships, Breakups, Outings, and More in August ‘24 Shows

I couldn’t bring myself to finish Cosmetic Playlover today, so instead I decided to write about three shows doing interesting things with relationships right now. I don’t really have the time or interest in Stray Thoughts anymore, so I hope y’all enjoy this. For the past two weeks I’ve been thinking about the breakups and new relationships in The Trainee and Mr. Mitsuya’s Planned Feeding, and now I’m also thinking about Takara being upfront with Taishin about the state of their relationship on Takara’s Treasure. I want to get some of these thoughts down for posterity. 

The Ba-Mhee and Tae Breakup on The Trainee

I genuinely love that this show followed through on these two splitting up. I also like that Ba-Mhee asked to take the time to figure out what she’s feeling for Judy before doing something else. Ba-Mhee seems to define herself a lot by the relationship she’s in, and it was sad to see her struggling with the way Tae didn’t always respond to her attempts at expressing care and affection–methods which he never asked for. I think the two of them definitely needed to separate, because it’s not going to work if she’s feeling insecure because Tae is working hard in his preferred field.

That being said, I don’t like the thing with Judy because we know so little about Judy. All I really know about Judy right now is that she’s a workaholic with few personal relationships outside of the office, she’s queer, and she is good at handling clients. When she went to see Ba-Mhee after kissing her drunk intern the night before her anniversary at a work event, I wasn’t keen on the way it felt like Judy managed Ba-Mhee in that scene. Judy feels a bit inaccessible as a character right now, and I hope that’s a choice the show is making about how Ba-Mhee’s relationship with Judy is also rather one-sided, and entirely about her. I hope part of Ba-Mhee’s queer journey is recognizing how she seems to define herself by her relationships, and finds an identity independent of romance.

As for Judy… I hope there’s more to her here than just being pretty and good at her job. We’ve been let down twice this year by GL office romance, and I’d like for that to not be a constant trend. I’d like to see them give her nuance in her pursuit of a relationship with one of her reports.

Lastly, I really loved that Tae is trying to figure out how to be single again, and Pah got mad on his behalf. It’s a good compromise in a genre that seems to really not want characters to be  mad at each other for too long, especially when one of them has really hurt another. Tae got to be sad, and someone got to be righteous on his behalf. We even had good storytelling come out of these two using their jobs to punish each other, with it being very clear that these were bad choices. 

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko Betrayed Its Characters

While I’m here, let me just say that the back half of this show was utterly offensive, and actively betrayed its own characters. I cannot believe that Hiroko’s own community was so quick to betray her trust and out her repeatedly. I cannot believe this show abandoned Hiroko’s straight girl problems from the beginning for a message that “It’s not that bad now, so just come out. I cannot believe this show had a Boob Monster lesbian withhold sex from her horny girlfriend for a year so she could “cherish her.” I am baffled by all of the choices that went into this, and I will not be recommending it. It gets a 4 from me. 

Jane’s Ex on The Trainee

I thought it was really interesting to introduce an ex at this point while Ba-Mhee and Ryan are both considering potential relationships with their mentors. There are consequences in a professional field when you date within your field for some folks, and it’s clear that happened with Jane. Nine, the ex, was here to once again benefit from Jane’s talents, and Jane did not seem like he expected to receive any real credit or benefit from that work. I’m curious if the show intends for any resolution for Jane with Nine, or if he’s here as a romantic tool for Ryan.

Speaking of Ryan, he is clearly in his early 20s, because his jealousy spiral exhausted me. Jane was obviously not into that man, and assured Ryan that he would be back later by making sure he and Ryan had plans for later. I hope we get back to Ryan actually being a good supporter when he’s focused and motivated, especially now that we know that Jo was meant to illuminate things about Pah.

Mitsuya’s Breakup with Noguchi on Mr. Mitsuya’s Planned Feeding

One of my favorite things about this age-gap story is that Mitsuya has been out for a long time, and he has a romantic and sexual history. I loved that he’s had an on again-off again relationship that he needed to bring to a close as part of his own story, and I loved how it wasn’t the ugliest of breakups. These two men know each other intimately, and this final break for them turned into a small celebration of what they had between them. Important things got aired, they snipped a little at each other, and they got to enjoy one last meal together in a way that added a gentle finality to the situation.

On Ishida’s end, I absolutely loved that he’s continued to be upright with Mitsuya about his feelings, called their date what it was, and stepped down from his professional role with Mitsuya. On top of that, I actually love that it was Noguchi that gave him the final inspiration he needed to go back to sports and face his own angst there. It’s actually so special for me that a 27 year-old man who felt like he had to give up on his dreams is finding a way to do something with the specific feelings he has about that. 

I’m also never getting over Ishida telling Mitsuya that he wants to be seen as a man and not a cute kid.This, right after introducing Mitsuya to a food he’d never experienced before! We can thank @isaksbestpillow for making this possible, and this feels especially poignant for me right after we said goodbye to Okita Kakeru, who explicitly wanted to be seen as cute. I am really excited about the queer themes that keep coming out of this show, and I’m sure I’ll have more to say.

Takara and Taishin Avoiding Breakup Nonsense on Takara’s Treasure

So often in these shows with small age gaps in school, they never seem to know how to cope with graduation. I finished rewatching You’re My Sky last night, and that show solved it with travel for one couple, and external collaboration for the mains. I loved this show having the older partner ask the junior directly about the challenges of life after graduation for them as a couple. 

This worked so well, because the show has shown us for weeks that Taishin is always paying attention to Takara, and @lurkingshan detailed how many ways Taishin showed that he understood Takara this week, and I appreciated @clownshoessqueaking covering how Takara has managed his restraint across this show. It’s just so rare that we see two characters have the important conversation that needs to be had, and give each other the exact assurances they need. Taishin got to hear directly from Takara about how things were going for them, and was able to say that he wanted the relationship and initiate physical intimacy between them. 

For all that this show has felt really quiet for two months, it’s becoming one of the shows I will likely remember from this year. 

That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!

[bri-the-nautilus]

Come To the Dark Side, We Have Hot Guys: A Star Wars Story

Spoilers below for S1 of Ahsoka and the first six episodes of The Acolyte.

I'm writing this with The Acolyte most of the way through airing its first season, with episode 6 having released earlier today. Say what you will about the show, but it's really brought out a lot of the uglier sides of the Star Wars fandom. Everyone and their mother has seen videos or Reddit threads dunking on the Critical Drinker or SWT and their mouth-breathing misogynist audiences at this point, so I don't feel particularly compelled to retread that ground. Instead, I want to talk about the... other side of the fandom, the hypocrisy therein, and how we're all being played for absolute fools by the creative team at Disney Lucasfilm.

Yes, this post is about Qimir.

Now I want to say that I have no problem with villain simping/shipping. Far from it. Most of my posts on this account are me simping for Shin Hati (we'll talk more about her later) or various Soulsborne bosses. Hell, my mutuals and I have a running joke about me having a weakness for evil blonde women. While I personally am too gay for my own good and couldn't care less about men as a concept, I absolutely see the appeal of characters like Qimir and Kylo Ren. I absolutely get why people thirst over them and love making fandom content for them. I think Qimir/Osha has the potential to be a really fun ship, actually. The point I'm making here is not "simping for these characters is wrong and bad," and I want to make that crystal clear before we continue.

That said, let's talk about Qimir, and how the landscape of the show and its surrounding discourse has changed since his reveal. Again, I'm ignoring the chud sphere here, partly because their little corner of the Internet has remained remarkably stagnant since then. The podcast bros still think it's woke, fucking Shadiversity is still whining about fight choreography (which as someone who actually has done HEMA/stage combat, Shad annoys me to no end, but that's an entirely separate can of worms), and it all seems to be business as usual over there. No, the most marked changes have been on the Acolyte-positive end of the fandom space. Here's what the top posts in "hashtag TheAcolyte" on Twitter look like tonight:

You get the idea.

Again, no hate to any of these people. This is tumblr ffs, we've all engaged in a little simping for a morally dubious hot person. I love seeing fans having fun engaging with something, and again I kinda dig the Osha/Qimir ship.

Anyways, if you were around for the Acolyte-positive discourse before the Qimir reveal, and especially the show's marketing and the reponse to that, you'll have noticed a marked difference.

Fans quickly began to see The Acolyte as " the gayest Star Wars ever." Showrunner Leslye Headland is an out lesbian, and her wife was cast as Master Vernestra Rwoh. Archetypical girlboss Carrie-Anne Moss was cast as Master Indara, immediately drawing comparisons to her role in the Matrix movies. Leads Osha and Mae Aniseya are played by the nonbinary Amandla Stenberg. The lesbian witches of Brendok were talked about in press releases before the show aired. Dafne Keen (Jecki Lon) stated in an interview that she portrayed the short-haired, serious Theelin as having a crush on Osha, something that fans were picking up on in their first interactions in the premiere before Keen even gave that interview. While Headland said in a post-premiere interview that she didn't set out specifically to make "a capital Q Queer show," it's an objective fact that no Star Wars movie/show has had as much potential in that area, and fans (especially the queer community) took notice. (For what it's worth, in the same interview Headland commented that she was proud of creating something that so many queer fans identified with.)

The show came out, and Master Indara was killed off in the first sequence, which I'm honestly fine with. It was a good scene and works on a lot of levels. Headland's aforementioned interview came and went. Episode three aired. The lesbian witches turned out to be even gayer than was previously thought possible, and people ate that shit up while the Critical Drinker's brain suffered a major cascade failure. Jecki became a runaway favorite in the premiere and episode four, as did lovable himbo Yord Fandar and the wise, paternalistic Master Sol. In Acolyte-positive circles, this was basically how it went. People thought Brendok was cool, the Yord Horde became the show's biggest social media sensation, Jecki and Sol cultivated devoted followings alongside Osha and Mae, there were a wealth of different ships involving various combinations of Jecki, Yord, and the twins... you get the idea.

Then episode 5 happened.

The writing was really on the wall when the Brendok coven was abruptly wiped out. Introducting such an interesting (and queer) Force-wielding culture only to exterminate them in the same episode was certainly a choice that somebody made. But episode 5 was a shock to the system for many fans, as the show's resident Sith revealed himself and killed Jecki and Yord in some of the most brutal recent onscreen deaths in Star Wars. To be clear, I think this was a great sequence. Two beloved main characters being suddenly and gruesomely killed off was a masterfully executed shock to the system, especially after viewers were lulled into a false sense of security by all the redshirt deaths in the previous scene.

This, understandably, completely changed the landscape of the Acolyte fandom. Virtually overnight, much of the simping and shipping involving Jecki and Yord dried up, and once the dust had settled as far as the "rip blorbo, gone too soon" posts went, what remained were the usual Sol/twins offerings and a wave of Qimir hype. Which is understandable. He's a badass emo Sith boy with a cool helmet who brutally murdered fan favorite characters in front of us and has palpable tension with the female lead. Who wouldn't love... wait a minute.

This feels familiar somehow.

But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?

And just like that, "the gayest Star Wars" is all about the (straight) sexual tension between an edgy, murderous Sith boy and a light-side girl plagued by dark thoughts whose friends said boy just killed. This is all eerily similar to how the Sequel Trilogy focused on Rey and Kylo while abruptly dropping Finn and Poe's character arcs. Even the fandom discourse is the same. I mean Reylo was so ubiquitous back in the day that it became a derogatory catch-all for good girl/evil boy shipping. Multiple authors now have either gotten their initial start/fame writing Reylo fics, or straight up published legally distinct Reylo fiction after the fashion of Netflix's After. You had the occasional person piping up to say "hey they kind of just left Finn and Poe hanging after TFA, it would've been cool if they got together but at the very least don't relegate them to being side characters/comic relief in separate story threads," and that was it. The same thing is going on with The Acolyte now, only the sequel trilogy wasn't marketed on the strength of being a queer story by a queer creative team. The Acolyte is, which makes it all the more baffling that by the midway point of the first season, all the gays have been buried and the show seems to be heading straight for Reylo 2: High Republic Boogaloo. And the fans are eating it up.

As an interesting aside, I think it's an interesting exercise to contrast the Kylo/Qimir pattern with the broader fandom's treatment of Shin Hati (told you we'd circle back to that), and the ship between her and Sabine Wren. On paper, Shin is very similar to Kylo and Qimir. Villain? Check. Edgy-looking armor? Totes. Emotionally damaged/stunted in some way? Sure looks like it. Tension with the heroine? You betcha. If anything, the only major difference is that Shin isn't as evil as the others. Compare her actions in Ahsoka (clearing out part of a light cruiser with Baylan and making repeated attempts on Sabine's life) to Kylo (oversees multiple war crimes, kills his fan-favorite dad) or Qimir (orchestrates the murders of several Jedi before brutally executing two fan-favorite characters). She's definitely bad, but I struggle to see her as on par with Qimir, let alone fucking Kylo, in terms of evilness.

Which makes it all the more interesting to me that the Shin/Sabine ship has received so much more mainstream skepticism/criticism than the Osha/Qimir or Rey/Kylo ships. "They have no chemistry!" "She's an evil murderer!" "She's a blank slate!" "Sabine is taken!" I may be a touch biased, but from where I sit a large part of the fandom, even the ostensibly progressive side, seems to look down upon Shin/Sabine shippers while swooning for heterosexual variants with far more evil villains.

This isn't a monolith, and I can't stress that enough. I'm not trying to start shit here. Villain shipping is awesome. We support women's wrongs in this house. You do see the occasional person decrying Reylo or Osha/Qimir as toxic, which I think is fairly unnecessary. Like yeah, maybe it's a toxic dynamic, but these are fictional characters. For these specific characters, part of the crowd appeal is the toxic badboy side of things. I don't think we should really spend much energy attacking any fictional ship (between adults, mind you) as toxic, which is why it puzzles me that an as-yet-unconfirmed lesbian ship in a niche show receives such a large proportion of this sort of criticism compared to the canon relationship between two main characters of a blockbuster trilogy.

At the end of the day, this whole affair has been rather sobering for me on both Disney Lucasfilm and the Star Wars fandom. For all the support the Shin/Sabine ship has received from Ahsoka cast members Ivanna Sakhno (Shin), Natasha Liu Bordizzo (Sabine), Eman Esfandi (Ezra Bridger, the other character people like to ship with Sabine), and Rosario Dawson (Ahsoka), I'm rather sour on the prospects of it becoming canon. The sequel trilogy dropped the ball on what many saw as a promising chance for an MLM romance between Finn and Poe in favor of trotting out the "why do good girls like bad boys" dynamic, and The Acolyte, "the gay show" overseen by a lesbian, has seemingly shifted to center a similar dynamic after killing off most of its prospects for a queer relationship among the main cast. Simply put, I think that Disney as an international company based in the frighteningly divided United States is reluctant to commit to anything beyond lipservice in terms of LGBT representation in their movies/shows, which again doesn't leave me feeling optimistic about WolfWren's canon potential. And the fandom takes the bait. People love the damaged evil badboy/good girl dynamic, and when the queer fandom suggests the possibility of a queer ship taking center stage in a show with no other extant relationships, even the more progressive side of the fandom tends to either ignore it or actively push back on its basis in reality until Disney Lucasfilm inevitably puts the kibosh on it. The amount of times I've heard people dismiss WolfWren for the same reasons they now like Osha/Qimir and liked Reylo (before that ship was fleshed out/canonicalized, anyway) is ridiculous, but at the end of the day you kinda feel stupid for expecting anything else. Again, I think Qimir is a cool character and I'm as much of a sucker for villain romances as the next girlie, but seeing how easily the fandom lets dangling heterosexual carrots lead it away from Disney Lucasfilm's broken promises of queer rep is a sobering ordeal.

[lurkingshan]

On Boston and Brian Kinney

I’ve seen a lot of folks in the Only Friends tag recently making connections between the show and Queer as Folk, both US and UK versions, which makes sense because QaF is a clear reference for the show, both visually and thematically, and we know Jojo likes to reference western media in his work. One parallel folks are drawing is not tracking for me, however, so I am jumping in the wayback machine and putting on my old QaF stan hat to talk to y’all about Brian Kinney, and why Boston is actually nothing like him. Tagging @bengiyo and @neuroticbookworm who talked this through with me and also @slayerkitty because I saw you were contemplating this connection between the two characters.

So, first, why are people making this comparison? It really boils down to one thing: Brian and Boston are both sluts. That’s… pretty much it. They both like sex and prefer to have it with many different partners, and neither has much use for monogamy. But this is pretty much where their similarities end. 

So let’s remind ourselves who Brian Kinney is: a kind of fantasy of a hot, rich, self-actualized gay man with unmatched sexual prowess and a surface level flippancy masking a heart of gold. Brian is an adult man with a thriving career and money that he earned for himself after leaving his abusive and homophobic family (who would eventually explicitly reject him because of his sexuality). As a result, he is defiant in his commitment to live his life as loudly and queerly as possible—which includes a dedication to fucking and sucking, public sex, and a rejection of heteronormative constructs like monogamy.

Brian has a very clear moral code he lives by, even if it’s not one most can relate to. He decides to have a son with his (lesbian) best friend because part of him wants to believe in a better future and build a family of his own. He is extremely loyal to his found family even as he’s a jerk to their face most of the time, and he is always working behind the scenes to protect them even as he often hurts their feelings with his glib remarks and shitty behavior. Despite his disdain for monogamy, he never actually tries to destroy any of his friends’ happy relationships (in fact, he tries to sacrifice his own friendship with Michael to ensure he stays with his boyfriend).

Brian has a sense of responsibility to others and often takes on the blame for things he didn’t even do, which is why he takes baby gay Justin to Debbie and ensures he is cared for even as he tries to dissuade Justin from getting attached to him, and why he cares for Justin in the aftermath of his bashing. He cares deeply about his community, to the point where he pours his money into protecting the local gay scene, literally bankrupts himself to stop an anti-gay politician from winning an election, and gives up a dream job to stay put in Pittsburgh and help rebuild the community after a hate crime.

Brian is unflinchingly honest and he avoids making promises because once he does, he knows he will absolutely keep them—he takes his commitments seriously and he always does what he says he will. When he falls in love, he does not abandon his core values but he is willing to make some compromises. And he hides his better self and often wallows in self-destructive behavior because he feels deeply unworthy of love, which goes back to the intergenerational trauma he experienced as a child in an abusive home and the parental rejection he felt due to his sexuality. 

Boston, by contrast, is a character who feels more rooted in reality. He’s a pampered rich kid who is indulged in his hobbies and who already has a life plan laid out for him and paid for by his daddy. He likes to sleep around mostly because it’s fun, and because he knows his life here is temporary so he doesn’t see any point in getting attached to people. In stark contrast to Brian’s out and proud and fuck you if you have a problem with it brand of politics, he is still trying to hide who he is in service of his father’s political career, even if he’s pretty sloppy about it (see him fucking Top in a car with giant windows parked in the driveway at a house party).

Boston’s moral code is fungible and ever-changing to fit his circumstances—boy is a hypocrite (see his opinions about people filming and photographing him even as he does the same to others constantly). He has no loyalty and no qualms about hurting and betraying his friends, and actively tries to destroy their relationships for sport or as a means to get what he wants. He does not feel responsible for anyone and often lies and ducks accountability for the things he does. He does not care about his community at all, and in fact already has a NYC escape hatch in his back pocket for when he inevitably burns his bridges. He is not as honest as Brian and sends a lot of mixed messages to keep people guessing and on the hook.

Rather than hurting people by being brutally honest as Brian does, Boston plays psychological games and manipulates his friends and lovers, and he seems to take twisted pleasure in blowing up their happiness. We haven’t seen him make a promise or fall in love, and while there are some signs that he may have some sort of inferiority complex at play (with Mew in particular), his motives are not tied to any past trauma. Boston is just a messy bitch who loves chaos and doesn’t really care who gets hurt as long as he gets what he wants and stays entertained. Where Brian is literally a superhero to his loved ones, Boston is just a very flawed human being. 

But Shan, I hear you saying, I thought you liked Boston! I do, besties, I do. He’s a fantastic character and a very real kind of person many of us encounter in our 20s. Because that’s the thing: Boston is so young. He hasn’t developed any sense of responsibility to others or any understanding of the importance of queer community, and he has never had to take care of himself, which is perhaps the biggest difference between him and Brian. Brian has lived independently for more than a decade when we meet him in QaF, whereas Boston is a spoiled rich kid who has barely lived. Brian is a fully realized adult and his more nuanced characterization is a reflection of that; Boston is actually a pretty basic chaotic drama queen who will grow up eventually. 

TL;DR: Aside from being promiscuous, Boston has very little in common with Brian Kinney. He is more a reflection of a very real kind of person you will meet on the scene in queer communities than an homage to a larger than life fictional QaF character. And while OF is absolutely referencing some of the themes and values and stylistic flourishes of QaF, it is not making direct parallels to its characters. 

[drvirgus]

Why You?

Idol! Yunjin X Idol! Reader X Idol! Chaewon

Description: What if the first official lesbian in the K-pop industry has to fake date her biggest school enemy? What if Y/n is already in a relationship, and it happens to be with one of the Member of Yunjin?

Warnings: kind of Cheating? Lots of Communication lack, strong language. Kys jokes

Chapter: song lyrics (half-written)

Masterlist

———————————————————————————

Yawning, I stood waiting in the corridor, my hands in my pockets as I leaned against the wall. I felt my phone vibrate and immediately took it out of my pocket. I responded to Yunjin's messages right away and then headed to the chat with my... girlfriend? As expected, she had read the messages but hadn't replied.

So, sighing, I put my phone back in my pocket. My eyes then landed on a group leaving the dance studio. Almost immediately, I heard my name and looked over to see a bundle of joy. I smiled as she threw herself into my arms. "Hello, Danielle," I said with a light laugh as I felt her arms around me and her head against my chest.

My eyes also quickly noticed the rest of the group. "What are you all doing here?" I asked, a bit surprised. Hyein tried to pull Danielle away from me to hug me too. "The dance studio is better here," Haerin answered, and I nodded in understanding.

My eyes then fell on Hanni and Minji. My eyebrows raised when I noticed Hanni's hand on Minji's hip, while Minji seemed to be having a visible gay panic. I quickly focused on Hyein so I wouldn't laugh at my best friend.

I wrapped my arms around her, too, embracing the taller girl. "But what are you doing here?" Hanni asked, removing her hand from Minji's Hip, which seemed to relax the tense woman immediately. I chuckled, "I'm meeting Yunjin here," I replied, and Hyein immediately looked at me questioningly, "Aren't you with Chaewon?" she asked, clearly confused.

A sigh escaped me as I broke the embrace. Straightening my sweater, I cleared my throat. "I'm here to work," I said, and almost simultaneously, everyone, except Minji, made an understanding sound.

However, Haerin had been staring at me the whole time. Smiling, I looked at the younger girl, but my head turned to another person who seemed to be lying on the floor. My eyes widened as I saw the scattered sweets and drinks on the floor, and of course, I saw Yunjin. She didn't even move. She just lay there with her face pressed against the floor.

With a furrowed brow, I approached the woman lying on the floor. My hands, once again, in my pockets, I tapped her slowly with my shoe. "Hey," I said, nudging her slightly. "Are you dead?" I asked, almost bored.

The Newieans members struggled not to laugh, except for Hanni, who burst into laughter. I heard Yunjin sigh. "Come on. Get up," I continued, and honestly, it was somewhat fun to kick the older woman.

With a jerk, Yunjin sat up on her knees and glared up at me. "Help me up!" she demanded, which made me snort. Amused, I took her outstretched hands and pulled her to her feet. She brushed the dust off her clothes muttering quietly, "You didn't have to kick me. I'm your unnie. You could've helped me up. Don't look so amused. Rude," she said softly, which made me laugh again. I rolled my eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah," I said dismissively, waving my hand.

Yunjin huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. I sighed and began to put the drinks into the pockets of my sweatpants and the snacks into the pouch of my sweater. Haerin and Danielle helped me.

Hanni, however, was by Yunjin's side, murmuring something to her. Right, they were friends….

My eyes fell on Minji, who clapped her hands once. "Come on, guys. Let's go eat," the oldest member of Newieans said. Immediately, Hyein jumped in the air happily and stood by Minji's side. I smiled and said goodbye to my best friend's members with a smile.

Haerin, however, just stared at me without saying anything. My brow furrowed in question. "Just hug her already," I heard Minji say annoyed as she let out a loud sigh. With the realization that Haerin just wanted to hug me, I grinned widely and stretched out my arms. Haerin was hesitant and rather slow as she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me.

Smiling, I stroked her head as I visibly relaxed. Unfortunately, all the sweets and drinks were in the way. "Come on already," Hyein said loudly as the Newieans members slowly walked away. Haerin smiled briefly at me and Yunjin and then followed her members.

———————————————————————————-

„So, to be honest, I've been thinking about it," I heard Yunjin say as I was setting the drinks and sweets on the table. My eyes fell on her notebook, which she always carried around with her. A smile spread across my lips as I looked at the older woman and then sat down. "Then show me," I replied, and Yunjin hesitated visibly.

"I haven't come up with a proper melody yet because I didn't want to work too far ahead, so I've only written down a few lyrics," Yunjin explained, and I simply nodded. I grabbed the bottle of Coke and opened it. "Read it out loud," I said. "I can imagine it better when I hear it," I explained, which made both of us laugh awkwardly.

Yunjin looked at her notebook and then back at me. She swallowed and lifted her notebook into her hands, her eyes focused only on me. "Met a lot of people, but nobody feels like you," Yunjin started slowly, her voice slightly shaky. I nodded my head, completely forgetting about the Coke as I just looked into her eyes.

"Please don't break my heart. Don't tear me apart. Trust me, I've been broken before," Yunjin continued. Nervously, I bit my lip as I started to nod slowly. My eyes focused solely on her. It was silent between us. Neither of us said anything else. My eyes wandered over her entire face, soaking in every tiny detail.

Yunjin cleared her throat, bringing us back to reality. "Okay. Uh... yeah," I said as I cleared my throat as well. "But isn't that... a bit too emo?" I asked, lightly laughing. But honestly, I didn't feel like laughing at all. Yunjin laughed too, but her laughter also sounded forced.

"I have something else, but... it's a bit cheesy," Yunjin said, and I nodded. "Doesn't matter. Show me," I replied, and Yunjin cleared her throat again. Her eyes focused only on her notebook as her cheeks visibly reddened.

"Gonna keep me young when we're old and grey," Yunjin began, a small smirk playing on her lips. Her eyes danced over the letters and lit up. I licked my lips once, the open Coke still in my hand as I simply stared at the woman beside me. My chest felt warm, and I could feel every single beat of my heart.

"I know that time moves on but some things don't change. I won't stop getting butterflies," Yunjin said again, her eyes wandering to me. "I got 'em every time I look into your eyes," Yunjin said, her breath audible as her voice became softer. "You won't stop... running through my mind," Yunjin said gently. My mouth slightly open.

"Let's get married in Vegas."

Her hand now on my cheek as she looked deep into my eyes. My hand, still holding the bottle of Coke, slowly placed it on the table. I looked into her eyes deeply, my lips slightly parted as my eyes moved to her lips.

"I don't wanna think it through."

I could feel Yunjin's thumb stroking my cheek as she came closer to me with her face. Her eyes half-opened as she focused on my lips. I felt her breath slowly spreading on my skin. Her lips only centimeters away from mine. My heartbeat skyrocketed. My face flushed, and my breath quickened.

I felt her lips brushing against mine, and just before they connected, I pulled back. My eyes widened, and I breathed heavily. Yunjin's eyes widened too, and her hand moved away from my cheek. "Oh... Oh my god," Yunjin said, looking at me with wide eyes. "I-I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to. Well, I did, but..." the older woman said, visibly confused. Her face was bright red.

[dalekofchaos]

My thoughts on the Pricefield break up and why I think it's for the best

Now that the smoke cleared. Here's my take on the break up.

It's realistic. People change and people grow apart. Even Max and Chloe.

However. The reason for the break up they provided is bad writing.

Before I continue, apparently it was revealed that the reason for Chloe's omission was this was originally a Bay centric game only, The decision was a Zak Garriss decision before he left D9 and they refused to course correct to satisfy both endings. And Deck Nine's refusal to keep them together and the reasons why is terrible fucking writing.

"Chloe is a free spirit" and “she can't stay in one place for long”

You're not describing Chloe, you're not even describing Rachel. You're describing Cassidy from LIS 2.

Also. This one bit of Max's journal from the Bae timeline is not only cringe, but completely out of character for both Max and Chloe.

Not in Max's art style. Did they even PLAY LIS1? Max has her own unique art style.

What they chose to put in here is style over substance. Just because you can make hyperrealistic art, DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD! Life Is Strange had a unique art style. There's something so charming about it's cartoonish art and has more appeal than the crap we've been spoonfed since D9 got their hands on the franchise.

And another thing is how Chloe talks. Joking about a three way(despite Chloe's a lesbian) it fetishises their sex life, Chloe acting possessive, toxic and joking about murder. You can clearly tell this was written by a man. Chloe has never called Max a bitch. She has never once claimed Max as hers. Not even in a BDSM way. She respects Max too much. Chloe wasn't even that possessive when Max answered Kate's call or told Warren she was on for going ape. "you're mine bitch" hahaha who wrote this shit? Cause that's not Chloe.

Not even when she was with Rachel was she like that. The writers are thinking of Cassidy, not Chloe. Chloe is like me in the sense that she loves deeply the people she's attached to.

Chloe is REALLY attached to the people she loves deeply because of her trauma of being left by the ones she loved.

To me it works because guilt, trauma and what happens after you survive, but your mother doesn't would really fuck a person up. You can try to make the relationship work and you can try to pretend everything is okay. But it's not. People grow up and people change. So realistically I can see Chloe ultimately realizing she can't continue the relationship, maybe Chloe talked to Steph, found out about Steph's mom/Drew and the guilt just consumed her and she just couldn't lie to herself anymore and chose to leave Max. And if we talk realistically, it is very obvious that such a decision as letting an ENTIRE community die, was not going to be a decision that would make a relationship last forever. It is just logic.

And honestly? Max and Chloe learning to survive without each other is a much more compelling story.

Max having to start over in Vermont because she has no one. Bae Max... is left with no one NO ONE, not Kate, not Warren, not Joyce, not even Victoria... and not even Chloe... she's ALONE! Her new life at that university is completely understandable.

But I can also see Max in this timeline coming terms of the guilt of her own decision. If Bay Max still struggles with sacrificing Chloe, I can't imagine the weight of the guilt that Bae Max struggles with. Her decision killed her friends, Joyce and at least 1000 people. Like you can say they are okay with each other, but it's not realistic.

And Chloe learning to live a life without Max, her family or Rachel. Getting her education, getting a job, setting her new life up, living off the grid and learning to cope via therapy and learning to be a better person.

Maybe they get back into contact eventually, try to get back together or at the very least try to be friends or part ways mutually.

I've learned the hard way that those old friendships don't always last. Things change, you drift apart and despite loving each other or things going wrong, you know it always won't work out and that's okay. That's life.

But in my honest petty opinion? This is karma. Before I continue I must preface my statement by saying not all Pricefield shippers, just the toxic ones.

Karma for having a fanbase acting like the biggest bullies in the world. Karma for victim blaming Rachel instead of her groomers. Karma for having a fanbase acting like the biggest whiny self-entitled brats that would make Dudley DUrsley go "wow, maybe 36 presents IS ENOUGH" karma for harassing Warren's voice actor to the point where he didn't appear at the Blackwell reunion nor was he mentioned. Karma for harassing Grahamfield shippers to the point where there is barely any content over the last fucking decade. Karma for flooding the Max/Warren ao3 tag with rape and murder fantasies and calling anyone who dares to like them together r-slurs and f-slurs. Like I'm sorry, I'm not trying to lump the whole fandom together, but when you harass me, my friends and harass Warren's and now Amanda's fucking voice actors over a fictional ship(Max and Chloe would hate these types of fans btw) sorry but not sorry.

You reap what you sow for acting like horrible bullies and believing a capitalistic company gave a shit about core spirit of LIS 1 and Max and Chloe as characters.

and The fact that some of ya'll can’t appreciate Max unless shes with Chloe says more than you could imagine if I'm honest

and at the end of the day, the fandom found more of a problem with Chloe's omission and Pricefield's breakup than Deck Nine cultivated a toxic work environment, rampant sexism, homophobia and transphobia and protected a fucking Nazi. Like how is Max and Chloe's break up MORE OFFENSIVE THAN PROTECTING A FUCKING NAZI???

Okay, rant over, just needed to get that off my chest.

It's clear this was a Max Bay centric game, but they were afraid of the backlash and kept up the suspense for as long as they could, now the cat is out of the bag. What they should have done was say "This is a continuation of the Bay timeline, if this does good we'll do a game about Max and Chloe in the Bae timeline." but they didn't and lied about respecting the endings.

I also feel like Ashly Burch being a SAG-AFTRA VA is mainly why Chloe's not in the game. SE doesn't want to do business with union actors and would rather reuse old voice lines or hire Rihanna than honor any of Ashly's requests.

Also? Max still hasn't learned anything. Max apparently formed another codependent relationship that she couldn't let go to the point where she's fucking up reality by creating yet another parallel world. Even in the bae timeline, Max choosing to use her powers to save someone she grew attached to, something that drove Chloe apart… That's bad writing.

I do think Max having a story to herself centered in the Bay timeline is a good idea, however. Making Max look unrecognizable, erasing Warren, Kate,(I literally just wanted to see Max and Warren Go Ape and Max and Kate having a fucking tea date) Victoria and anyone else from Arcadia Bay, Hannah not convincingly sounding like an older Max, the sterile change in art direction, turning a passion project to just "another franchise" and oh yeah keeping A FUCKING NAZI employed for a franchise that is supposedly a diverse celebration of queer people and POC. Prevents me from enjoying what would be the next chapter in Max's life.

At this point I just want the franchise to crash and burn with Deck Nine and Square Enix's terrible decision making. Not really respecting either ending, erasing the importance of Warren, Kate, Victoria, and Joyce, removing Chloe and not giving us the chance to save Rachel. Just a copy paste of LIS 1 in a more boring whodunit with forced love interests instead of giving us more time with Chloe or Warren. and oh yeah, PROTECTING A FUCKING NAZI!

I hope SE/D9's greed kills the franchise.

[bizarreaizen]

i've seen many individuals [ mainly on tiktok ] talk about how they don't like lesboys and let me just make this clear, trans men over the years have done a lot for the lesbian community in terms of being an ally and for their rights, they don't necessarily identify as a lesbian as a sexuality but rather a connection to what they've done for the lesbian community ヾ(＾-＾)ノ

i would also like to say that bigender, trigender, genderfluid, pangender [ and other multi gender identities ] can freely identify as a lesboys and let's not forget transmasc lesbians, nonbinary lesbians etc (´^ω^`) /gen

[genderkoolaid]

yeah im a aro-spec lesbian and ive literally been told that im 'reinforcing the predatory lesbian stereotype' bc i still sleep w/ ppl even tho im not really interested in dating rn. it doesnt matter that there are plenty of other lesbians that have casual sex, but apparently thats fine since they can fall in love but its bad when i do it bc im just 'using ppl' and 'have commitment issues'. even tho the women i sleep w/ all know and are fine w/ there not being any potential romance. but yeah amatonormativity totally isnt a problem in the lesbian community 🙄

yeah godddd even in queer spaces im super hesitant about being openly aro. cause casual sex/FWB is all fun and quirky when you're assumed to be allo and will eventually get a romantic partner/view casual sex as a gateway to romance. but if you are openly aro and want casual sex/FWB/sexual friendship/etc. then you are reinforcing stereotypes/internalized homophobia/traumatized/commitment issues/a heartless slut preying on allo people (who have feelings while we don't because we're incapable of love or being hurt!)

i think a lot of allo people don't understand that there is a difference in how people treat someone whose "taking a break from dating/sex to focus on themself" or "just having fun and letting off steam" and an aro/ace person just. existing and doing anything at all. if i told people i was taking a break from dating pr wasn't looking for anything serious right now they'd be totally chill, but say i don't feel romantic attraction, never want a romantic relationship and my ideal relationship is "friends with benefits"? suddenly they treat me like i'm a dr. phil guest.

and its bitterly ironic for the exact reason you mentioned: allos accuse us of "leading people on" and tend to assume we're going to be somehow toxic or abusive or predatory in relationships. and so we'll be so painfully clear about what we want and don't want and get confirmation that its okay a million times.... and then our allo lovers will get mad at us for not being okay with things we explicitly said we weren't okay with, and for not falling in love despite our explicit explanation that we don't fall in love.

[eeldritchblast]

Thoughts on Halsin

I want to preface this by saying I don't have anything particularly against Halsin as he is in game. But I do find him lacking in depth, when compared to everyone else.

Even without knowing that he was added as a full companion last minute, I would probably have guessed as much simply because there's not much to him beyond the role he plays in the Shadow-Curse quest of Act 2. This is lampshaded with dialogue about how he himself feels consumed by his determination to end the curse. But to me, that just feels like a cop-out. Imagine any other character looking at the camera and just saying "yeah I know I don't have much character beyond what happens to me in the plot, too bad?"

But I think the worst crime about his lack of development, is the fact that because he doesn't have a lot else going on, he feels a little overly sexualized to me; like he's just there for the player to thirst after because he's this big, bulky man. Now, to be clear, I don't care that he's horny, and I definitely don't care that he's poly. (My GF is a poly lesbian, and honestly I could see myself having more than one romantic relationship , too, if someone else was ever interested in me like that and cool with it.) What I'm trying to say is, because he's lacking in other areas, leaving those traits being of his few you can list, it makes them feel of less value, and makes him feel more like a sex prop. And if you're gonna have a character with rape victim as part of his background like Halsin has, then that's the last thing you want, I think.

So, what more could be done with Halsin?

I once made a joke that someone should draw Halsin in a "Big Auntie Energy" shirt. For those of you who aren't Native, let me try to translate: In most if not all Indigenous Nations, we often call women who are champions of our cultures and communities "Auntie", whether they are actually literally your aunt or not. An Auntie is someone you dearly love, and trust to guide you. Halsin already plays something of a mentor figure to the protagonist—indeed, dev notes even call him "avuncular"—so why not lean into it further by showing what he does for others, too? Pretending that there was more development time allotted, here's what I would've liked to see...

"This place crawls with life, but little of it flourishes. I see refugees, unhoused. The destitute, unwanted. Orphans, unloved. … I wish there was a better way. I wish everyone could see the sun, have a full belly, and know nature as a friend. There is a balance that is yet to be found." —Halsin

After ending the Shadow-Curse, Halsin says he needs to find a new purpose. I feel like his purpose could easily align with his horror of the inequalities of Baldur's Gate. Instead of just talking about how awful it is, why not allow the player to challenge him to try and change things, then? For example, I like to imagine Halsin telling stories to the orphans in Rivington, providing them comfort and someone to look up to. Or another example: Halsin helping out in or maybe starting some kind of charity meal program. It's small, but it's enough to say that he could actually grow a little as a person within the game's story. And it would add at least a little bit of engagement on the player's end as well, instead of feeling like the relationship with Halsin, platonically, is one-sided.

This all doesn't come from nowhere, by the way. If you exclusively romance Halsin, he says goodbye to the player in the end because he is leading a group of people into Thaniel's realm to start a new life. But personally, I feel like this is too great a leap back into an Archdruid role he specifically rejected, because he didn't like it. It also would've been nice to get this kind of dialogue without having to romance him; to know what lies ahead for Halsin as a friend, too.

Now, that's the good ending. But almost all the companions in BG3 have a "good" and "evil" ending. I feel like this really adds a lot of insight into the characters, because they feel real through it; we all have the potential to make good and bad choices, after all. So what could be Halsin's evil-aligned ending? Well, remember when he questions if the Shadow Druids actually have a point? How about giving the player the opportunity to push him further down that path instead... Shadow Druid Halsin, holy shit.

Now, there's one more thing I want to circle back to: Halsin's past. He very casually speaks of his time as a captive in the Underdark. And maybe it was so long ago that he's long dealt with such trauma, but still, I really wish there was a way to say "hey bud, that's really fucked up and I'm sorry that happened to you." But there's not a single dialogue option that allows you to express sympathy, besides just saying "that's awful", which doesn't cut it. Halsin himself says, "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt." Not allowing the player to be sensitive to his feelings goes exactly against this message not to judge a person's emotions by physical appearances.

Anyway, Halsin is a character that I think has a lot of potential, but doesn't quite reach it in game. I think it's great that he was given a bigger role due to popularity, but I just wish that role was expanded on to the same degree as the other companions.

[creedslove]

SHARING YOU

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!bisexual reader x Tess

Summary: Tess can have any girl in Jackson, but she wants you, Joel's girl and the only way that can happen is the three of you getting into an arrangement

Warnings: queer!Tess, bisexual!reader, smut, mentions of threesome F/F/M, dirty talk, jealous!Joel, a little bit of voyeurism, lesbian sex, scissoring, smut with no plot

A/N: besties I don't even know where that came from, I mean, I don't even like Tess in the show let alone find her hot but I had a real dirty dream about it and the idea got stuck with me all day long

1.7k words

Tess and Joel weren't a couple, they were partners in crime or, as they liked to call, at work.

You and Joel were a couple, sort of, you were in love with him, he might be in love with you, but he wouldn't admit it, however he made clear you were his.

Tess wasn't in love with you and you weren't in love with her, but she was in love with your body and after a night of drinking and flirting with you, she got the balls and went to talk to Joel: she wanted to share you with him.

He laughed. Truly laughed not believing her words at first. He thought she was joking, but when Tess didn't flinch a muscle and waited for the answer, lips didn't even twitch in a smile, Joel swallowed hard. The woman was dead serious.

He didn't understand why she wanted his girl, you were his. It was established from the beginning, from the moment he lay eyes on you, he knew you would be his, and you wanted to be his. Tess never had any problem finding herself some pussy, she often did it easier than Joel if anyone asked - not that he would admit it out loud. Even when they were back in the QZ, and now in Jackson? Of course it was a smaller community and women didn't seem so desperate for easy sex like they were in Boston, but he was sure Tess could get as many drunk girls at the bar as she desired, women who claimed to be straight but died of curiosity to try things with another woman, or even some bored housewife who would like to live a dirty fantasy. So why his girl? Why you? It was a big no.

Tess sighed and licked her lips, staring at Joel "come on, don't you really wanna see your girl with another one? We can get to an agreement… you watch. Or participate" she suggested.

And that caught Joel's attention.

So the two of them began discussing their agreements.

Joel would have to be present at all times it happened, he could either watch it or participate in it. Tess came to the point of telling Joel he could stick his cock in her if he didn't stop her from doing anything she wanted with your cunt.

And you stood right there, a few feet away listening to everything those assholes were talking about you as if you weren't in the room, or worse, as if you were their little pet.

A part of you got infuriated at that audacity, they discussed who would fuck you, on what terms they would fuck you without even asking your opinion, assuming you would just go with it. However, another part of you couldn't control the warmth in your lower belly, it was so outrageous, so dirty and yet, you felt a slick warmth in your panties. You couldn't believe yourself when you saw how turned on you got at those two motherfuckers wanting to use you as a sex doll.

But they did it, and against any better judgment you loved every minute of it.

And it became a regular thing, usually weekends, when things were calmer, work wasn't so demanding and the three of you could enjoy yourselves.

However, Joel came up with another rule: Tess didn't sleep in the same bed as the two of you did, rule of course, she often disrespected.

It just made sense to her: if Joel got to sleep with his boner poking your ass, she had the right to sleep with her pussy rubbing against your thigh. And you? Always slept safely between the two of them. You couldn't say you didn't like your arrangement, cumming with Joel was good, but it was also good with Tess, it was different, her touches were different from his, there was something about being with another woman and something about Joel watching the two of you. You knew he liked it, no matter how hard he tried to hide and pretend he didn't, it just made him hard in an obscene way and he couldn't get enough of it. Even if the sting of jealousy still bothered him, the lust was bigger and it always topped that.

He knew your heart belonged to him and no one else's, no matter if Tess made you cum as hard as he did, she wouldn't be the one you clung to at night, nor the one she would bake apple pies like a cute and docile housewife, and he liked that. At the end of the day, no matter if you were shared in bed, you were still his, his girl, his everything, and Tess couldn't get a hold of that.

He woke up in the middle of the night still a little confused as the sleep haze made his memories of the night before blurry. Or it was the amount of alcohol he had, but he didn't care, as soon as the images of you whimpering, legs spread as Tess ate you out at the same time you had his cock shoved deep into your throat, he smirked. Or when you switched positions and ate Tess out - you were quite inexperienced at first, but with time you got the hang of it. You had even confessed to Joel you enjoyed doing it, and you understood why he enjoyed burying his face into your cunt so many times during the week.

He loved the finally fuck you while you were on your knees, your hands gripping Tess's hips to keep her in place as you flicked her clit up and down, suckling on it and loving the way her pussy gushed and her juices soaked your chin.

Joel wasn't so sure about the deal in the beginning, but now he couldn't deny he enjoyed seeing you unleash yourself and act like a sexually free woman. It was hot, Joel really loved it.

What he didn't love was when Tess still intruded after everyone was satisfied and stayed in your shared bed. He watched her, hair sprawled all over her face and groaned, displeased to see her so close to you.

His hand on your stomach pulled you closer to his body, enough so Tess would raise her head and roll her eyes "I'm not gonna bite off any slice of her, you know…" she said annoyed to which he only scoffed "she's mine, you had some now get out" his voice was a grumbling purr and you finally stirred, groaning on your own as the two of them didn't shut up.

You rubbed your eyes "why can't you two just stay quiet? I didn't hear any of you complain when I made you cum… at the same time" you said.

"Because she won't leave when it's time for her to leave" Joel groaned like a jealous child.

"I haven't left because I'm still horny" Tess immediately replied and looked down at you, her hands going for your hips, stroking them softly "we could go for a second round, couldn't we princess?" She licked her lips and looked at you, but Joel's hand immediately snapped hers away from your skin.

"Come on Joel, wouldn't you want to see us rubbing clits together? The way her slippery pussy rubs against mine, our clits hard and wet, all of that… what do you say, Joel? And you, Y/N?"

You could tell Joel was a little jealous and a little bothered, but you felt another wave of lust hitting you. Enough to sit straight in bed and turn on the lamp on the nightstand.

You bit your lips and smiled "mmm I think I'll like that… would you like to watch, Joel?" You asked him, going for his neck, kissing it as your hand caressed his cheek, feeling his scruffy beard under your touch.

He sighed a little annoyed, though the way you opened your legs immediately caught his attention. Joel sat straight in bed, pulling you to his lap, if you were going to fuck Tess you would do it while rubbing against his cock as well.

He positioned you on his lap, helping you keep your legs wide open while Tess came closer like a predator. The man's fingers went down your naked body, finding your pussy lips and spreading them.

He couldn't believe how wet you already were, and it would definitely make him more jealous if he weren't already turned on by it.

"Mmm take a look at this pretty cunt, your pussy is so pretty baby, your clit drives me crazy" Tess praised, kissing your thigh and spreading herself for you to see.

You bit your lips, watching her pussy, it was so soft and her clit was big, which you found out it was a huge turn on for you. Joel's digits found your clit, rubbing it gently, using your wetness on it, making it harder and slippery.

You whimpered as Joel held your lips spread apart, at the same time Tess came closer. She was a lot better at scissoring than you were, so she always took the lead.

Approaching you, she placed her leg on top of your thigh, enjoying the fact your hips were up thanks to Joel's lap.

Her clit finally touched yours. It was hot and wet and it sent a shiver of pleasure down your spine. You moved your hips slowly at first, Joel's hands helping your pick up your pace as Tess rubbed herself against you.

If you were wet before, now you were simply soaked. The obscene sounds of your both cunts against each other's, the way your clit was rubbing against Tess and how you moaned as your orgasm approached filled the room.

You wanted to speed up the pace, not getting enough friction, so you tackled Tess back, pushing her against the mattress as you got off Joel's lap and climbed on her, fastening the pace, riding her pussy as fast as you would Joel's cock.

You were so full of pleasure, the knot in your lower belly was intense, and the moment you felt Tess's legs shake and how wet she immediately got once she moaned louder, you let it go yourself.

Cumming on top of her, you could feel your juices mixed running down her thighs.

Looking back at Joel, you smirked. His cock was rock hard, and he needed your attention now.

You would have a long night ahead of you, it was always like that when you were Joel's and Tess's fuck doll.

_____

A/N: 😳🪭

[thefirsthogokage]

Someone just tagged me and was like "what's the TIRF to TERF pipeline?! I want to avoid going down the transphobe path!" ... but then they apparently blocked me.

After all the work I put into that post, I couldn't save the post, because, like I said, they apparently blocked me. So, here's how they do it covertly, including how they start with convincing people that sex work is inherently bad, and not infact work...which is what this person said in another post. So, I guess they don't get to learn about that.

Anywho, it's all covert.

TERFs actually love going into places (without marking themselves as TERFs or even radfems/gender critical), then saying things that slowly edge people into hating trans individuals. Maybe it starts with purity culture and talking down sex work. Maybe it starts with being anti-kink amor anti-ship. Maybe it starts with being anti all men, (saying that only men uphold the patriarchy is definitely one of their big things).

Bottom line: they start getting you to hate people, particularly people who do things of their own consent, or get you to start not liking groups of marginalized people. They start saying "this is wrong," putting some sort of moral emphasis on something consensual being inherently wrong or bad. Or maybe they start complaining about a group of people. Whatever way the do it, it's not always obvious what their true beliefs are

They start chipping away at what groups they think should not have the right to do whatever they want, or present in whatever way they want, because it doesn't fit their view of what's right.

(let me be very clear here: I am in NO WAY talking about p*dos. Fuck them.)

They do this more and more and more, and eventually, down that line, they end up whittling who should have the power down to only cishet white Christians.

Yes, this is the pipeline. It's been proved. There are charts.

They get minority groups to turn on each other, and that let's those hard right Christian White guys to get what they want: no one but them, and white women they can force to have their children. This includes lesbians turning on the trans community. People turning on asexuals, telling them they aren't real. People being bi- and panphobic. Etc.

It's a pipeline. It's talked about. The research is out there, but I am unable to pull up anything at the moment.

Just wanted to get that out.