#and kept her alive anyway
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Red string of fate not because of destiny but because Andy's blood is always with Fuuko
#undead unluck#fuuko izumo#andy izumo#anfuu#“oh but his blood disappears after-” shh#what matters is that it stayed with her#and kept her alive anyway#no matter how brief it may be#meow posts
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I feel like too often people frame Nie Mingjue's issues as ignorance borne from safety. Like, they think that because of his privilege as a sect leader he doesn't know what it's like to be in danger and forced to make hard choices to survive. And I disagree. Strongly.
First of all, Nie Mingjue is very familiar with death not only from war but from. You know. Actively dying since the age of fourteen. Let us not forget Nie Mingjue is dead! Super dead! And maybe he didn't die the exact way he expected to but he did, absolutely, know he was going to die. To act like Nie Mingjue is unfamiliar with the scenario of "do something you find morally reprehensible or die" is to ignore that he has been living that exact scenario and chose death.
Nie Mingjue knows death is a risk for someone like Jin guangyao, in fact he explicitly acknowledges it even in his worst moments like the stairs in chapter 49. Had his issue been ignorance, then he would've responded to Jin Guangyao saying that he's in danger and has to sacrifice others for his own safety with "No you aren't you'll be fine." But he doesn't. He accepts the fact that jgy is in danger with no qualms and says: then you should die.
That's not him betraying his values, those are his values. He is, essentially, pro-suicide. Jgy is like hey I have a moral dilemma what should I do and nmj straight up goes "Kill yourself" and earlier that same chapter when he was faced with a moral dilemma he went "I'm gonna kill myself." He believes the solution to moral dilemmas is suicide! He is extremely consistent about this! When it's pointed out to him that it would have been dangerous for Wen Qing to oppose Wen Ruohan it doesn't phase him because he thinks putting yourself at risk to do the right thing is the only moral choice. The idea that he can only hold this belief because he is himself somehow not in danger, again, requires you to ignore that he is dying the whole time. And it doesn't deter him. He is the idea of self-sacrifice as a moral good taken to its absolute logical extreme. Someone who is ready to die and demands the same from everyone else.
It makes him a very fun case study for fandom, because a lot of fandom spaces also tend to revere self-sacrifice as the ultimate good, and yet we get very uncomfortable when someone starts demanding it of characters we love. Like woah, hold on, that's a bit too far isn't it? Only we the audience get to do that!
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#i got a bit spicy at the end there#one wonders of there is perhaps a theme around sacrifice the story is working with here#what with several of the most relevant and major character relationships centering around sacrifice.#anyway I wonder what nmj thought of Wen Qing (and Wen Ning though the jin kept him alive) sacrificing herself at nightless#I have to imagine he approved. despite disagreeing with her he also approved of mianmian giving up her clan position for wwx+ the wens#so he'd think this was her 'finally doing the right thing'#his approval would've been kinda worthless. As a person who is NOT pro-suicide I think that's fucked up! the sacrifice didn't even work!#but it's diabolical to think of the Wen siblings turning themselves in and nmj being there and *praising* them for it.#unhinged behavior. I need this missing scene stat.#this is just kind of a rephrasing of my 'stop calling nmj a hypocrite' post but with a bit more focus on what exactly his values are#and how his problems stem not from him being inconsistent with those values but the fact that they are pretty fucked up!#and that those fucked up values are not a result of a lack danger but the opposite. the *inevitability* of death#he's going to die so he *has* to believe that's the right thing to do.
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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Okay…now that I’ve calmed down…
This chapter was undeniably one of my favorites in the manga. It also feels like one of those moments where part 1 and 2 really run in parallel.
Just a few of my rambles on this chapter...
Happiness and Makima
As much as I hate him Barem is easily one of the most interesting characters in part 2.
Barem has an intense loyalty, and honestly somewhat of an obsession, with Makima and by extension her legacy. Even after Makima's death and being freed from her control, Barem continues with her goal of using Chainsawman to defeat the Death Devil. When Nayuta tried to use her control devil abilities on him, he resisted and admitted that his heart still belongs to Makima.
It's because of this that he's "honoring" her will and following the same guidelines Makima did. (She wrote the rulebook on torturing Denji) He's destroying Denji's happiness. He is taking EVERYTHING from Denji.
(Heck if you wanna go a step forward, he's taking that peace sign)
Of course we know that Makima's true goal was to create a better world so that she could stand equal with others and form relationships. Making an ideal world was her attempt to realize her own dream.
Barem doesn't understand Makima and his devotion is a misunderstanding about her beliefs, which is a great foil to Denji.
Throughout part 1, Denji was devoted to Makima despite not knowing her true goals until the end. Barem is devoted to Makima because he's deluded himself into believing that he understood her and did so enough to be able to follow through with what he thinks she wants.
Nayuta and Makima
Although I'm praying this is a fakeout or a body double or just some kind of ruse to get Denji to snap there are a lot of interesting differences between the Makima and Nayuta eating scenes.
When Denji eats Makima there is an entire dedicated set up. He chops ingredients and makes a home cooked meal, taking care to set up his dishes and table.
He actively takes time to savor the meal. He doesn't scarf down the food, the waits...lets the flavor sink into him...and continues eating relatively peacefully despite what's really going on. It was something deeply personal and he ate in an empty house.
But with Nayuta...
It's rushed, messy, and ugly. There's none of the previous tranquility. It tracks, Denji was in the safety of his home. But in Chapter 170 he's at a conveyor belt sushi restaurant. A buffet style restaurant thats filled with people while being antagonized by Barem (He even goes as far to say "Good Boy" to Denji) and having just come off of what happened in 168 and 169.
And this is all without him even knowing what he's eating.
Everyone in chainsaw man is hungry. They are starving for way more than they could ever stomach, and not always in the literal sense. They are hungry for revenge, money, comfort, love, whatever the opposite of being alone is to them, or whatever else. It is because of this yearning and hunger that so many of the characters end up exploited or worse.
If that head truly is Nayuta...now Denji is way past the point of no return.
There are very few stories currently running that can even begin to make me feel what Fujimoto can. He is a wonderful writer even if I wanna burn his pen sometimes.
#what a wonderful time to be alive#the same era as Fujimoto#despite everything I love reading his works#chainsaw man spoilers#chainsaw man manga spoilers#csm 170#chainsaw man#csm#also for the record I really don’t think she’s dead it may be cope but this feels like escalation more than finality#if Fujimoto had ended the chapter with calmness it’d be a different story#ANYWAY FUCK BAREM#I HATE HIS STUPID HAIRCUT AND BIG CHEST AND STUPID SMIRK#AND I HATE FAMI TOO SHES IN ON THIS#SHE JUST KEPT EATING WHILE HER SISTERS HEAD SLID BY#my rambles
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Just a couple of girls from The Free Marches
"I can't believe the girl I taught to weave flowers at the Arlathvhen grew up to be the 'fearsome' Inquisitor."
"I can't believe Varric didn't put two and two together sooner that we might have already known each other."
"Try not to blame him, you're so different from the girl I knew from back then."
"I'm still just a Dalish girl from The Marches"
#my art#dragon age lavellan#dragon age#da:i#dragon age inquisition#da:2#merrill#dragon age merrill#inquisitor lavellan#blab time#god i want these two to know each other and be friends#or sort of friends#I kept clan lavellan alive so if inky ever visits Wycome and Kirkwall on an envoy or some shit#and Merrill like ugh gross what a betrayal an elf neck deep in the chantry what a betrayal to Our People#and Varric is like give her a change I think you'll like her#(also yeesh Daisy you're like the most tolerant person I know and THIS is what sets you off?)#Merrill is Determined TM to not like her#and Inky in her stupid Regal Andraste Herald FInery is swanning about doing political bullshit until she can meet Mr Viscount Tethras#and his Honored Guest#and then she and Merrill Spiderman Meme like OOOO#YOUUUUUUUU#and reconnected like holy SHIT DAWG WASSUP#Varric being very confused and the girls are like yea dog different clans but we met up every few years to party WASSUP GIRL#and they both have a lovely time keeping in touch and hold each other's hands at arms length#both being like you too are ostracized from our past from the lives we once knew#and both harboring secrets#(Merrill with her blood magic and guilt for what she did to her Keeper and Inky with ALL THE STUFF)#like she would tell Merrill some stuff but it would take a Long Time and A Lot for her to talk about the Dreadwolf stuff#let alone that she was fuckin him#ANYWAYS
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Ladd: but why would you kill me when I'm willing to kill for you?? Lass: omg you can't just say you'd kill someone, Ladd. that's murder and it's frowned upon.
(and then Ladd does kill for her but it's fine and part of the job)
#my characters#the two as kids are playing in a park and ladd wanders off and gets uhhh abducted kinda#basically a siren lures him so he goes physically willingly not knowing its a siren singing to him and it leads to his disappearance#for a couple weeks and lass blames herself and when ladd shows back up with no memory of the weeks gone#she just gets so scared and refuses to talk to ladd bc what if she hurts him or gets him hurt#so she goes to therapy for it and then they both get employed at the supernatural bureau of investigations#and then ladd proceeds to be an absolute asshole to everyone without trying hes just really not good at socializing#and so lass and one of the main characters are like... i want to kill ladd so bad hes so annoying#while ladd is like ???????? I AM LITERALLY JUST EXISTING THATS MEAN#then he gets wind of a case the main duo is working on and it feels familiar so he asks to help bc it takes place near where he grew up#and its kids getting abducted and he ends up finding the siren and the memories come back#and so he tells the other two where the kids are most likely bc thats where he was kept#and its just a siren who wanted to be a mom but instead of having her own kids she just lures in kids to take care of#until shes bored and ladd is like ok well that answers a lot and while id love to forgive you and take you in alive#you ruined my sisters childhood and thats something i cant give leniency to#and kills the siren which ends the abductions and then he gets back to work and hugs lass and says nothing about it#and she just writes it off as ladd being weird again cause whatever#anyway thanks they're side characters
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TMagP 24
Is Agnes Montague alive? Status: Unconfirmed
#dropped off the face of the planet for a while. im back now#i kept going “ill do the post tomorrow” and then i forgot#so heres like. 6 posts. im sorry#anyways heres to hoping celia looks into that ghost that was haunting her while shes at it!!!#heres how agnes montague can still win#agnes montague#the magnus archives#tma#the magnus protocol#tmagp#magnus archives#magnus protocol#is agnes alive?
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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I thought Ursula was pretty Biologist-core but in the end her arc was less Biologistcore than others. Levi was also pretty Biologistcore. maybe even Ghost Bird core?
#toy txt post#sam was giving the psychologist almost. but he was also biologist the way he kept getting infected with shit and not saying anything#but in the end....i think Levi was probably most biologistcore? maybe even a bit more Saulcore. i say as if anyone has to be anything#within the framework of southern reach. also shout out to scavengers reign and southern reach having the same abbreviation lmaooooo#im glad Ursula made it through okay and largely unscathed but man imagine if she got a little bit irrevocably changed by the planet as a#treat for me. maybe in hypothetical s2#chris was surveyor core.#also man the fucking flowerssssssss whats up with those!!!!!!! they seemed to be growing everywhere for a good bit of the show so how did#they end up that connected to levi?? i want to know more about that physiology#anyway. uh. if you liked scavengers reign. you will also enjoy: In Other Waters#game in which you play as a robot mechsuit and see the world via a little gps map screen only and the drawings of the creatures your#xenobiologist catalogues as you investigate this alien ocean and look for her missing ex gf?#chill game interesting story cool art great soundtrack and you play as the robot trying to assist your xenobiologist and keep her alive#i think its on computer and switch. dont know what else. i dont think it was expensive. one of these days maybe ill spring for the artbook#if its still available
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lee sookyung giving up 20 years of her life and trapping kim dokja in a way she knows he will hate her for is such a good parallel for the defining choice she made in the past. years in prison. an essay that will follow kim dokja wherever he goes. a bond permanently damaged. she'll always hurt him in the same ways, because it's the only way she knows how to protect him
#nic's great orv reread#AND HE WILL HURT OTHERS IN SIMILAR WAYS! FUCK!#also im really normal about her doing all this for his survival and he still couldn't figure our how to live.#he talked about the novel because it was the only thing he knew how to discuss with her. because it kept him alive when she couldn't#AND SHE REMEMBERED IT SO WELL IT KEPT HER ALIVE TOO!!!!!! man.#im really like. im rambling now (weed) but im so fascinated by her reaction to tswa#she says to his face that it's not a good book and she doesn't understand why he cares for it#but she named him 'reader.' she taught him to love books. and she listened to him when he loved this book#i do wonder if she does understand more than she thinks.#anyway im real normal about this woman
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you know you've hit rock bottom when by the end of the session your therapist hits the head in hands pose and goes "let's. l-let's just try to stay alive for now. n-no meds we'll just focus on finding the reasons to keep you here"
#we actually talked about possible meds options but. we just don't know what to go with jdkskskd#the ONLY antidepressants that worked on me are made only where i live and they literally taste like acid#and this is not even me exaggerating my therapist said this stuff could probably burn your stomach if you took too much. yikes#and they're like VERY strong so like. i'll probably need something just as strong. can i just get lobotomy atp#at least i brought my sunday plushie with me. i kept it in the backpack the entire time#but maybe one day he'll actually participate....#my mom took me taking sunday there so seriously like she kept asking for updates#and when i was done she was like “is sunny still there with you”#and i sent her a pic of him and i was like “we'll be home soon :)” and she was like “good job you two”#anyway bro yeah im trying. im trying#though tbh the problem is. not me having no reason to live but more like#having all the reasons and motivation but feeling like i don't deserve it#so it was like before sunday drip marketing “YAYAYAYAYAY I'LL DEFINITELY GET HIM I'LL DEFINITELY GET HIM”#and then after i was like “HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME STAY ALIVE FOR YOU” 😭😭#i-it's okay if it doesn't make sense to you im just. saying stuff#[ 💚 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 ]#mmaybe i'll post a linagram vd tomorrow
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tell us about ancient spanish?
Yeah!
so. In the beginning of my comic (I'm assuming you havent read it, if you have I'm sorry) the main character is getting established as sort of a "master bullshitter" and very lucky. He's not stupid, the reason he's alive is because he reads situations quickly and lies very well... and at this point my editor had been repeatedly treating him with this sort of bumbling idiot trope, so I was already a bit frustrated.
He's caught as a stowaway on a pirate ship, and is bullshitting a treasure hunt so the pirates keep him alive long enough that he could escape. So, he makes a fake treasure map in Spanish, hoping that the pirates won't know any... because if they can just kill him and take the map, they will. And one of them knows Spanish!
So, the joke I put in to resolve the situation (which I kept) was "but can you READ Spanish?" where he's banking on the pirate's illiteracy, and he lucks out because she can't read.
but my editor wanted him to say "but do you know... ancient spanish?" which makes no sense and isnt funny LMAO to me.
There were a lot of instances like this, but this is the one I remember the most because my editor like. argued with me on putting ancient spanish in there... It was a back and forth for a good bit.
#like. they can see the map. in his hands.#if she knows spanish and can read it. she will know he is lying#and they will kill him#it doesnt resolve the situation#and its also not funny. like. what the hell does ancient spanish even mean. its nothing.#like I would have much rather resolved the situation by no one knowing spanish.#cause that requires him to stay alive to read the map. which was his goal. this whole time...#so her joke wasnt funny. makes no sense like. historically. AND doesnt even address the situation.#like a good edit understands the intent of the situation.#she gave a lot of what I like to call 'lateral edits' where they dont fundamentally change a scene at all#but they dont really make anything better. like it's not getting worse but its not helping anything either?#but then she had some edits that made things worse...#so I would do some of the lateral ones to sort of appease her and then she wouldnt notice that I didnt do the ones that made thing worse#but this was in the very beginning so I was combatting all the things I didnt want to do. instead of just not doing them#I'm not even getting edits anymore at this point in my career LOL#my second editor was amazing. she was sometimes slow to understand the point of a scene but she offered some really amazing edits#my current editor does literally nothing#she has not given me one note. like literally not even one. she sort of offhandedly said “enjoying reading it!” like ok... great...#and then my first editor. well. ancient spanist LOL#there were a few things I said I fundamentally refuse to do and she kept. asking. me. to do them#one time I had to argue with her that I wouldnt make a joke making fun of hairy men??? like I like hairy men what the hell???#ANYWAYS. yeah. thats ancient spanish#tried to be short but all my jokes are like extremely contextual so its hard to get enough context for them to make sense
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"gets weirdly intense about houseplants" would definitely be in my bio if i were a character
#liz commented on my most recent fic#and reminded me i'm in a snit with my giant philo again#the girls are fighting#full respect to yt people and ig people who are like THIS IS HOW TO CARE FOR UR PLANTS#but my plants have unionised and at this point i am merely reacting to their whims#can and will kill every aloe i come into contact with#have accidentally kept 2 crotons and several monsteras alive for years#ficus hate being cold? my lil bitch is in the coldest room of my flat and throws a fit if i put her somewhere even slightly warmer#ferns are so easy to care for? dead. all of them dead.#string of x are so fussy!!! meanwhile i forget my turtles and hearts exist and they're Taking Over#alocasias are bastards though that's the truth i don't know what they want#anyway ignore me i'm yelling about plants#that's not even half of my collection rip 💀#so it is decreed
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The thought of Karlach running around with the words ‘My Champion the Demonsbane - My blood is her strength’ in Infernal on her horns is so sad to me. I have no doubt that she wasn’t exactly jumping at the idea of getting branded either.
My urge to write a one shot post canon with Karlach having Shadowheart shave off the words on her horns so she can cover it with sliver etched with night orchids is so so strong. I love the idea that she replaces her broken horn with a metal one too.
#shadowheart#bg3#baldurs gate#karlach#because Karlach has been twisted into being a warrior#like the poor woman has vents for her machine heart#and she can’t get rid of that or the scars#and she wouldn’t anyway because all that kept her alive and she likes being about to rage like that at times#but she was still changed against her will.#and scraping off those words and replacing it with imagery connected to her new happiness is something she can do
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you’ve heard pyrrha/palamedes but I would like to propose, either by au or perhaps river shenanigans, g1deon/camilla. pyrrha likes land mines? well g1deon likes dangerous women who are down to kill. This is how g1deon/pyrrha/camilla/palamedes can still win-
#in bed last night kept thinking about an au where it’s ntn but g1deon is still alive and body sharing with pyrrha#like maybe he knows she’s in there now but they still are working out what cohabitating a body entails#meanwhile here is cam and pal also body sharing but risking killing themselves to do it#also now Camilla can be trained to be a killer :)#I just have this mental image of them sparring and he’s like do whatever you would realistically do I can heal from anything#and at first she’s apprehensive but eventually after getting her ass kicked a couple times she stabs him through the throat#and I just KNOW that’s a turn on for him. I KNOW it.#anyway body sharing foursome among two bodies send tweet#the locked tomb#eskildit posts tlt#pyrrha dve#gideon the first#palamedes sextus#camilla hect#ok to rb
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OOC:
#just the assistant (ooc post)#on the tablet#(one of these days I'm going to rewatch D.AMIEN and be so damn annoying about it xD )#(I just think it's such an interesting time to write in. A man with no memories; trapped in an eternal moment)#(an encounter with someone who may or may not know him; and may or may not be able to help)#(or would their help make things worse?)#(he's a sleepwalker trapped in an empty nightmare. The longer it goes on the more his grip loosens)#(if the events never happened would Celine have been left with a husk of a brother?)#(and - this blog lore btw - was she aware that her actions mimicked the neglect Damien suffered his entire youth?)#(like; imagining knowing how badly your own brother was treated; only to decide to implement a similar mindset to 'protect' him)#(like; sure; Damien regains memories; but Celine dismisses a proper conversation. How much does he actually know?)#(did she leave him vulnerable to troubles once he left? That's what screwed Dante up. He was corrupted almost instantly)#(anyway hi Ryn if you see this I'm gonna write a good reply when I'm on my laptop tomorrow :D )#(actually wait one last question. Does anyone else ever think about the fact that Celine willingly kept everything a secret?)#(she noticed him have a moment of awareness and stomped it flat. Was that for protection? Would him knowing something break the seal?)#(I mean; I have it that it was because Damien's soul was alive in a place of death - adding to his corruption later)#(but what else might be a reason? :O )
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