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thefandomsinhalor · 4 years ago

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Title: What the Heart Misses

Author: thefandomsinhalor

Written for: @destielsecretsanta2020

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Castiel/ Dean Winchester

Word count: 5K

Summary:

After learning that the Winchesters and Jack celebrated Christmas with Mrs. Butters, Castiel takes the opportunity to give Dean a Christmas present. Which then prompts Dean to reflect on the nature of their bond.

Merry Christmas to @castielsbeeslippers 😊💜💙 (surprise!!) who wanted a fluffy fic with Cas and bees! I hope you like it!!

Read on AO3

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“What the hell is this?”

“It’s a gift. For you.”

Dean, sipping on his morning coffee in the bunker’s kitchen, shot a suspicious glance at Castiel when his friend placed a flashy green box with a big red bow on it in front of him.

“Yeah, I got that, Cas. I mean, why are you giving me a present? It’s not Christmas or my birthday.”

“That’s true. But Jack mentioned that you celebrated the holiday the other day with Mrs. Butters. We were discussing the concept of Christmas and that got me thinking. I realized that I had never taken part in the tradition before. So, I thought of changing that even if I missed the celebration the other day.”

“That’s, um, nice.” And then, Dean immediately felt the need to add, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“And yet, I did,” he said calmly.

Unsure what to say, Dean simply nodded at him, and after gently putting down his cup, he began undoing the bow. He had to admit that he was partially curious to see what Castiel, of all people, could have possibly thought of giving him as a Christmas present.

Almost nervous about it, he was surprised, however, by the actual contents of the box.

Ties.

Three of them.

Made of soft woven silk.

And all three of them had bees depicted on them.

A golden yellow one, with honeycomb print at the bottom and a few bees near the top.

Another one that was a charcoal color, with tiny bees serving as pattern all over the tie. So small, in fact, they barely seemed like bees, which rendered the tie surprisingly classic-looking.

And one blue tie, with a few doodled bees on it.

Which was instantly Dean’s favourite.

Smiling at the corner of his mouth, after eyeing Castiel briefly, he picked up that last one to examine it closer.

It was far from being something he would have selected for himself. After all, flannel and jeans were more his style over suits to begin with, even less so the overly fashioned ties.

And yet, the fact that Castiel had apparently taken the time to choose these specifically for him could not do anything short of bringing a smile to his lips.

“Bees, huh?”

“I tried to find ones with patterns of pies, but I didn’t succeed. I thought—you don’t have to wear them if you feel they will clash with your suit. I simply wished to offer you an alternative.”

Keeping his eyes on the tie, Dean said, “I like them, Cas. Thank you. Can’t wait to try it on.”

And Dean had meant every word. Just over a week later, when he and Sam were sharing a quick lunch with Donna, while reviewing a possible case involving a wraith down in Rochester, Dean had made sure to tuck a napkin into his collar to not soil his blue tie with bees. Once he was done with his bacon cheese burger, which had been delicious, and wanted to study more properly the files Donna had brought them, he pushed his plate aside and freed himself of his napkin.

“Oooh, that’s a neat tie you got there, Dean,” said Donna.

Mildly grinning, he said, “I know.” He lifted his eyes from the document and added, “Cas gave it to me. I know it’s not super ‘professional-looking’ but I thought, what the hell? Why not?”

“He also kind of really likes it,” said Sam, harboring his most serious expression that Dean and everyone else knew was fake. “Like, really likes it. He wore it every day this week.”

Smirking, Donna nodded. “Gotcha.”

Suddenly feeling somewhat exposed, Dean cleared his throat. “I—so? What if I did?” Then, as he fixed his tie, he added, more to himself than to the others, “Nothing wrong with that.”

“Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that, Dean. I wasn’t suggesting there was. Quite the opposite, actually.” Seemingly about to elaborate further on his viewpoint, Sam then turned quiet and stabbed his salad with his fork, adopting a casual attitude.

Dean frowned at his brother. His patent change of behaviour hadn’t fooled him. It was clear that Sam had more to say on the subject and Dean was now curious to hear his opinion. He let the matter go, however, when Donna received a phone call informing her that another body had been found, thus prompting the trio to abruptly end their lunch and return to work.

He came back to the topic by the evening though. With the case closed and behind them, they warmly said goodbye to Donna, and soon after they hit the road to return to the bunker, Dean asked, “Why were you giving me crap about liking my tie?”

“I wasn’t. I’m honestly glad you’re enjoying it.”

“Good. Because I am. It was really thoughtful of him to do this.”

“No argument there. I don’t want to say I’m surprised, but…yeah, I really like the book he gave me too.”

“What?” Dean glanced at him, while also carefully keeping an eye on the road. “What do you mean? What book?”

“For Christmas,” said Sam as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“He—he gave you a present too?”

“Yeah. And Jack.” Sam observed him for a moment and then, assessing Dean’s mild confusion, he asked, “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” His eyes back on the road, he fell silent for as long as he could, until he blurted out, “What kind of book? And what did he give Jack?”

“Um, he—he gave Jack a Star Wars movie collection. He’s been going through them again all week long in—”

“—in the Dean Cave,” said Dean, now understanding where the kid disappeared to in the evenings. “Good thing Mrs. B. fixed the TV.”

“Yeah.”

“And what was yours?”

“I got a book about the most notorious serial killers of the past decade.”

Dean blinked. “Wow. That’s—yeah. That’s…tell the truth: had you read it before?”

“No. It just came out a few weeks ago. And it’s really cool. I’m on the chapter about H. H. Holmes, and I gotta say, considering our insight about the guy, it’s riveting.”

Amused at his brother’s weird interest, Dean shook his head. And while he had other questions regarding Sam’s opinion on Castiel’s presents, his train of thought took a turn when something else occurred to Dean.

Particularly once he compared the gifts.

“You okay?”

Dean shrugged. “Yeah. Just—it’s been a long day and I can’t wait to be home, that’s all.”

On the following morning, after a few not-so-restful hours of sleep, Dean got frustrated from all the tossing and turning, so he left his warm bed and hurried to the kitchen in order to get the day started.

The room was spotless, and just as he had predicted, he found Mrs. Butters already waiting for him.

“Good Morning, Dean.”

Wishing her the same, he took a seat at the table. She quickly put down a plate with a western omelette and fruits on the side, as well as a cup of freshly brewed coffee for him.

“Thank you,” he mumbled. But despite being famished, Dean froze, utensils in hands, and simply stared at his plate.

“Not hungry this morning?”

“No. I am. I—I don’t know.” He put down his fork and knife and let out a deep sigh.

“Oh, dear. Would you like a grilled cheese instead?” she asked and seemingly manifested another plate out of thin air.

“For breakfast?” he said, trying to contain his glee (and failing at it).

“Why not?” She delicately dropped the plate in front of him. “You look like you could do with some cheering up.”

“Is this your way of telling me I look like crap?” he asked her, already chewing on his sandwich, which prompted Mrs. Butters to squint at him about manners.

“I feel like a few additional hours of sleep would have done you good, yes.” She returned to the stove where a few pots and pans were sizzling and boiling. But she kept her stare on him. “Anything the matter?”

That was the question.

He didn’t want to admit it, but his conversation with Sam had bothered him. While he was delighted at the thought that Castiel had been generous with Sam and Jack as well, something that didn’t surprise Dean that profoundly, this revelation had forced him to re-evaluate his own present.

And the more he thought about it, the more it left him with a pit in his stomach.

What Castiel had chosen for Sam and Jack had been perfect for them. If he was honest, Dean wasn’t sure he could have done better himself. Jack had been geeking out about Star Wars since basically his fourth day on this earth, and Sam had his odd fascination about serial killers. Perfect.

And then, there was his present.

Ties with bees on it.

Not exactly something that “screamed” Dean.

And yet, for some reason, Dean had genuinely enjoyed the ties. He had been touched by his kindness and attention. And while ties and bees weren’t things Dean held a deep fascination for, he knew that it was, in some ways, an interest to Castiel.

And that had meant something to him.

Until, that was, he learned of Sam and Jack’s presents.

Now, he felt like his gift was impersonal. Like Castiel hadn’t know what to give him, so he had picked the first thing he had thought of.

And that, above all, bothered Dean. It saddened him, even. Not that he believed himself superior to the others, but Dean, for quite some time now, had been under the impression that he might be something else to Castiel.

“What’s the matter, dear?”

“Oh, um, no—nothing.” He took another bite of his tasty grilled cheese.

Mrs. Butters left her pots once more and joined him at the table, sensing his hesitation.

“Now, now. Something is troubling you. What is it?”

Shifting on his seat, he said, “Not important.”

Unsatisfied with his lie, she took his plate and the second half of the grilled cheese with it.

“Hey!”

“You will get it back as soon as you answer truthfully.” She gave him a menacing look.

Annoyed, Dean momentarily considered abandoning the rest of his grilled cheese to save himself from an awkward conversation.

But his stomach growled and he knew it was a lost battle.

“All right,” he said. “I’ll tell you. Can I have my sandwich back though? Please?”

She held her severe stare for a little longer, assessing his words, and once she judged his tone to be honest, she nodded and returned his plate to him.

“So, I have this—you know who Cas is, right?”

She nodded. “Your friendly angel. Jack’s third adoptive father.”

“Um. Yeah. I—I—him.”

“What about him?”

“Well, he—after you made Christmas happen, Cas gave me—us—Christmas presents.”

“How kind!” she said joyfully.

“Yeah.”

He swallowed hard.

“It wasn’t?”

“It’s just…I’m—I loved the gift—I’m just confused as to why he gave me this.”

“May I ask what it was?”

Dean told her.

Mrs. Butters studied him for a moment and then said, “Were you hoping for something else? Something specific in mind?”

She had said it in such a playful tone it had almost made Dean feel uncomfortable.

Transparent, one might have said.

“I wasn’t expecting anything at all. So, no. No—nothing specific.”

“But you are disappointed.”

“I—I don’t know. No. I’m just…I was happy about it because I—I thought it might have meant—but now I feel like I may have misunderstood.”

“Hmm.”

Desperate to avoid her stare, Dean returned to his grilled cheese, feeling embarrassed by the nature of the discussion.

It was too early in the morning for this.

He remained with his eyes glued to the table for a short time. Once his plate was empty, however, he had no choice but to glance at her.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” she finally asked him.

“What?”

“You say that your friend gave you a present, which you really loved, but that you are now questioning the original intent of the gift. Correct?”

He nodded, determined to not lower his eyes.

“It seems to me that you need to shed light on the situation. So, how do you suggest to go about it?”

This question brought Dean a worrisome thought. Exciting, in parts, but worrisome.

“I—I was thinking that, um, maybe—” he started saying, but the rest of his sentence died in his throat.

“Maybe what?”

“I—I was just thinking that maybe I should do the same. Maybe I should get him something.” He cleared his throat and awkwardly looked to his left, even though nothing remotely interesting was happening there. “Maybe that will, um, help clarify a few things that I—yeah.”

“That’s a wonderful idea.”

Dean let out a short laugh, feeling embarrassed more than ever, as he was deeply praying that Sam—or anyone else, really—would never hear of this conversation.

“What kind of gift were you thinking of?” she asked, utterly invested.

“I—I have no idea.”

“Do you intend to give him something practical? Something he may need?”

Dean pursed his lips. “Not really. It’s not like he really needs anything…he’s an angel.”

“I see. Then, something he enjoys, perhaps? Does he have any type of hobbies?”

“Not…that I know of. He likes bees. And emoticons. And…yeah.”

After a short pause, she then said, “If Castiel doesn’t need anything material, perhaps you can offer him something else, then?”

Swallowing, Dean said, “Like what?”

“I don’t know, dear. He’s your friend. You should know what would please him. As they say, it’s the thought that counts. You are worried that you might have misunderstood something. Perhaps you didn’t. So, think back on the present he gave you and how you felt about it. A nice gesture to symbolize how you feel? That might be a step towards the right direction.”

Following Mrs. Butters’ advice, Dean took time to reflect greatly on the matter at hand. Gifts. Feelings. Meanings.

Which made him even more confused than before.

The fact was that he had previously given Castiel presents. He had even done so on a few occasions, actually. Just never on Christmas. He had done so randomly and simply because he had felt like it at that moment.

Like when he had gotten him a cowboy hat in Dodge City.

And the mixtape.

Of course.

Which Dean didn’t want to dwell on too much. Even if he had meant it. And had certainly not regretted it.

But now, in this context, remembering what Mrs. Butters had told him about his intentions, Dean found the task rather pressuring.

The main problem was that most of everything that came to Dean’s mind that could qualify as “a nice gesture” were things that he would have no problem doing under any circumstances. Which, in his opinion, lessened the effect.

Well, almost everything.

There were certain ideas that could potentially work. They would definitely make some things clear. Be that as it may, Dean wasn’t entirely sure that was the way he wanted to go at this. Mainly because he wasn’t convinced that Castiel would necessarily find it charming—for the lack of a better word—nor did Dean, for the time being, want to get ahead of himself.

One problem at a time.

From the moment the darn ideas had set into his head, however, it had been difficult to get rid of them, to the point that it had rendered him distressed.

Which was why he decided, quite beside himself, to ask Sam for help.

“So, I was thinking,” said Dean, attempting to sound casual, but inevitably failing at it, “since Cas’s been through the trouble of getting us something, maybe we should do the same.”

Sam, not lifting his eyes from his book, nodded. “Cool.”

In the hope that his brother would share a little more insight on the matter, Dean remained still, waiting for Sam to start his usual brainstorming session.

But nothing.

He simply turned the page of his book. He continued reading, sitting across the table. He didn’t say anything.

Annoyed, Dean said, “Any ideas?”

“What do you want to get him?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m talking to you right now.”

Finally looking at him, Sam said, sighing, “Dean, I’m sure Cas will be happy no matter what you give him.” When it was evident to Sam that Dean hadn’t liked his answer, he added, “You know that you don’t have to get him anything, right? It’s not an obligation.”

Shifting in his seat, Dean said, “Maybe…. maybe I want to. Maybe I—I’ve been meaning to for a while.”

Diverting his eyes, as he knew full well Sam was most undoubtedly staring at him, he waited for him to comment, perhaps tease him, even. But to Dean’s surprise—and relief—Sam did no such thing.

“Dean, if you’re getting at what I think you are—and about freaking time, by the way—I’ll help you. But I really think it ought to come from you. You know?”

Dean nodded shyly, agreeing with Sam’s point.

They remained silent for a brief moment, until Sam, taking pity on his brother, shut his book and said, “How about we go into town? You can check out a few of the local shops on Main Street? I was gonna go later this afternoon for a bit of groceries anyway. Browsing might give you some ideas.”

Dean let out a massive sigh of relief and thanked his brother.

Even though he had difficulty believing that he could find something worthy of an angel of the Lord at a local gift shop.

And his assumption turned out to be correct.

Clothing stores. Bakeries. Electronics. And so on.

None were offering him good ideas.

Some options? Yes.

But again, not the best ones. Not what Dean wanted to convey, at the very least.

Getting slightly discouraged, he was about to leave a quirky coffee shop he had stopped by for refueling, when something on display caught his eye next to the cash register.

A tiny object. An ornament. It wasn’t jewelry. Not exactly. Nor was it flashy. It was simple and effective.

And, more importantly to Dean, it held a sort of statement. Perhaps in an old kind of way. And yet, Dean liked it.

It was perfect.

And then, he spotted another item, which he believed could be complimentary. And Dean knew this was what he needed to get Castiel.

The only aspect left to figure out was when to execute the gift exchange.

Of course, Dean could have simply waited until the next time they saw each other or simply called him on his way back to the bunker.

And while that was what he ultimately did, Dean was then blessed with another idea that could make the exchange far better and less random.

But for that he needed the help of Sam, Jack and Mrs. Butters.

And so, a few hours later, after the others had agreed with his plan, he dressed up—wearing his tie, of course—called Castiel and invited him to the bunker.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes. Nothing’s wrong. We just—come by. We have something planned.”

Puzzled at the mystery, but nonetheless inclined to oblige, Castiel joined them a few hours following Dean’s call.

And witnessing Castiel’s surprised expression when he entered the bunker had been worth the effort and the wait of the first part of his plan, Dean thought.

“What’s all this?” said Castiel, pointing at the garlands on the ramp. And the Christmas lights around the ceiling. And the large tree in the middle of the war room.

“Mrs. Butters was about to move on to the next holiday, but, um, I—I was hoping we could get a redo before that. So you could enjoy it with us this time around, I mean.”

“That’s…very considerate and inclusive, as it was unnecessary,” said Castiel, nearly apologetic.

“Dean’s right,” said Sam. “Although we hadn’t planned to celebrate, it was kind of a bummer that you weren’t there when we did.”

“And then you were nice enough to offer us presents, which you really didn’t have to. So, I—we thought we could have another go at it. With you this time.”

Castiel, now at the bottom of the stairs, was staring at Dean with a warm expression. His eyes fell on his tie, and he smiled shyly.

“It won’t be an exact replica of how we celebrated the first time around—”

“Mainly because we didn’t want to seem either ungrateful and too capricious to Mrs. Butters,” said Sam, cutting his brother off.

“I would have done it properly, Samuel!” she exclaimed, sounding offended.

“Though she keeps insisting she would have done it,” said Dean under his breath.

“But close enough,” said Sam firmly over his brother’s voice, wanting to put the matter to rest.

After taking another look around the room, with a genuine grin on his face, Castiel thanked them. “That’s very kind of the both of you.”

“You’re welcome,” said Sam. And as he offered him an eggnog, he added, “Just also want to let you know that, while this,” to which he gestured to the room, “was also Jack’s and Mrs. Butter’s doing, as much as mine and Dean’s, it was primarily Dean’s idea though.” And then he added in the most awkward way, “I’m gonna go check on Jack now.”

And made himself scarce.

Mrs. Butters along with him.

Thus, leaving Castiel and Dean alone.

“Is what Sam said true?” asked Castiel, taking a step towards him. “You did this?”

“It was about time we had Christmas together, no?”

Taking a deep breath, Castiel stared at him for a long time. “Again, thank you.”

“No problem. But this is just the beginning.”

“What else have you planned?”

Smiling mischievously, Dean said, “You’ll see.”

The next few hours were filled with jubilation. Mrs. Butters had them carolling, they nearly fell into a sugar coma, and participated to a gingerbread house contest, dutifully orchestrated by Mrs. Butters.

Everyone had a great time. Beaming at one another, they shared a sumptuous meal, which had been prepared by the Winchesters and Jack—not just Mrs. Butters.

They also played games afterwards. Mrs. Butters beat all of them at cards. Sam dominated in Trivia. And while Castiel and Jack failed to understand the concept of Mad Libs, they had both somehow managed to create the most hilarious and nonsensical stories Sam and Dean had ever had the pleasure to hear.

Enjoying himself as much as he was though, Dean felt jitters multiplying within his chest as the evening progressed. He caught himself staring at Castiel more times than would be deemed acceptable, and when they exchanged looks, Dean wasn’t able to do anything but beam at him.

He eagerly awaited an opportunity to give Castiel his present in private.

He almost had done so when everyone had busied themselves by bringing back the dishes to the kitchen. Pulling Castiel aside for a brief moment would have been plausible.

But not ideal.

He seriously contemplated the option to do the same when Sam went to help Jack find some additional board games that they had stashed in one of the storage rooms, but he doubted that they would be gone for very long. And sure enough, Dean had barely had the time to pour himself and everyone else another eggnog before Jack burst into the room, carrying an impressive number of boxes.

But at last, Dean got his chance during Monopoly. Despite everyone’s investment into the game, the general vibe surrounding them was of a mellow mood. So, after retiring from the game because of bankruptcy, and noting that Castiel was soon going to suffer the same fate, Dean momentarily left the room to fetch his present.

He had carefully left it on his bedroom’s desk.

Biting his bottom lip, he stared at the small red box. He pondered one last time on his choice.

It was a common enough item, like the ties.

And like the ties, to him, it meant something.

And more than anything, Dean couldn’t wait to see what Castiel would think of it.

The anxiety rose within him.

He was satisfied with his choice.

And there was now only one thing left to do.

Dean needed not venture too far though. Just as he exited his room, Castiel turned the corner in the hallway.

“Hey.”

“Hello, Dean.”

“Sam and Jack got the better of you too, huh?”

Castiel came to a halt once he had reached him.

“It appears that I lack financial skills.”

“It happens to the best of us,” said Dean, smirking. But after noticing a hint of uneasiness in Castiel’s eyes, he said calmly, “Everything okay?”

“More than okay. I really enjoyed the evening, thank you.”

“Awesome. I’m glad, Cas.”

“I simply wanted to let you know before you decided to turn in.”

“Oh,” said Dean, glancing behind him. “I wasn’t. Not yet, anyway.” And then at Castiel’s mild perplexity, he added, “I—I actually came to get this.”

He retrieved the little box from his pocket where he had stashed it moments ago, took a look in the hallway, wanting to be sure no one else was seemingly listening, and presented it to Castiel.

“It’s for you. Merry Christmas.”

As his eyes fell on the present, Castiel seemed genuinely surprised by this.

“You didn’t have to do this. The evening was wonderful, I told you.”

“You got me something. I wanted to do the same.” He slightly lifted his hand to incite Castiel to take possession of it.

Which he did, right after returning a warm smile at Dean.

He observed the box for a second, almost as though he was trying to guess what was in it, and began pulling on the thin string.

“Oh, just—before you open it, can I ask a question?”

Castiel stopped and nodded.

“Why did you give me ties? I love them,” he added promptly. “I just—why?”

“Why do you ask?”

After a short hesitation, but determined to be honest, he said, “I heard about what you gave Sam and Jack. I was just curious how you came to decide on that.”

Castiel nodded once more, now understanding Dean’s question.

“Well, the truth is that it was very difficult to find something for you.”

“How so?”

“There are many things that you enjoy, such as alcohol, food, car related items, pornographic magazines,” to which Dean lowered his eyes for a moment, “firearms and so on, that I could have given you. But I deduced that it was…too practical? Or—most definitions of ‘gift’ in dictionaries suggest that it is simply the act of giving something willingly and freely. Almost none speak of the emotional intent of said act, which I thought was unfortunate. I was under the impression that the intention behind a gift mattered more than the gift itself or the very action of giving.”

Shifting on his feet, Dean said in an even voice, as much as he could master, “So, why the ties?”

“I—I was trying to mirror the cassette tape you had given me.”

This was not the answer Dean had expected.

But he liked the way it was going.

“How do you figure that?”

“Rock music is something you adore. You had wanted me to have something you enjoyed. I saw it as something you wanted to share. And it always reminded me of you when I listened to it.”

And with that, Dean knew he had picked the right present.

“Was I wrong in my assessment?” asked Castiel.

And Dean shook his head, feeling his chest swell with fuzzy feelings.

“I know it isn’t the same,” continued Castiel, “but it was more or less what I was trying to convey with the ties. I cannot always be hunting with you as much as I’d wish, but I figured, that way, the ties might remind you of me.”

Dean swallowed hard before saying, “I don’t need the ties for that. You know that, right?”

After exchanging a deep, lingering look, Castiel gave him a shy nod. Feeling the awkwardness rising between them, despite being appeased by Dean’s words, he then finally took it upon himself to open his present.

He momentarily froze, staring at it after the reveal.

It was two small, delicate pins.

A tiny golden bee.

And a colorful piece of pie.

Castiel stared at Dean, stunned, which rendered the task of holding down his grin very difficult for Dean.

“So, the idea was that this one was intended for you, and I—may I?” asked Dean, as he stepped closer.

Castiel nodded.

Taking hold of the golden bee pin, he said, “I didn’t exactly mean to go all fifties with this, but I—I don’t know, I liked it and thought you might as well.”

“I do like it,” he said earnestly.

Glad, Dean took a deep breath and with a short nod at his upper chest, he silently asked Castiel if he wished to wear it now.

Castiel stepped forward.

As Dean delicately pinned the golden bee on Castiel’s jacket collar lapel, he heard him say softly, “Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“When you say ‘going all fifties,’ are you referring to courtsh—what did you mean?”

Done with his task, Dean gently pressed on the pin to make sure it was safely attached, and stepped back. And met Castiel’s eyes.

“It’s as you thought. That’s why I got another one. That one is for me.”

He processed what Dean had just told him, and as he was reaching out for him, Castiel began saying, “Dean, I—I want—”

Unfortunately, something interrupted him. A loud horn was heard, making them both jump. Unfamiliar with the new alarm, Castiel questioningly frowned at Dean. Amused at his confusion, Dean explained, as loudly as he could over the horn, “Mrs. B.” and “Monster radar.”

Which only brought Castiel additional questions.

The moment the racket was over, before Dean even had time to utter another word, Sam, coming from down the hall, called for them with a sense of urgency in his voice. Castiel turned himself in that direction, while remaining at Dean’s side.

With their shoulders touching.

When Sam finally appeared before them, he said, “So—sorry, I’m sorry. I hope I—I didn’t mean to barge in—”

“It’s fine,” Dean told him. “What’s up?”

“Rugarus. Almost half a dozen of them in Concordia according to the radar.”

“Awesome.”

“I know it’s late and that you—but I don’t think we can wait any longer. And I—I’d go with Jack, but he has to stay hidden because—”

But Dean cut him off. “It’s okay, Sam. No worries. We’ll be there in a minute.”

Sam gave them both an apologetic nod and turned on his heels, eager to leave them be.

Once he was sure that his brother was out of earshot, Dean refocused his attention to Castiel. “What were you going to say?”

“It can wait. Duty calls.” His tone hadn’t been grim. Or even with a hint of disappointment. Simply as a matter of fact.

But he stayed put, facing Dean, with no effort to leave.

“You’re right,” said Dean. “It can wait. There’s just one—a couple of things—I’d like to cover before we join Sam though.” He lowered his eyes to the box Castiel was still holding.

Letting out a faint laugh, Castiel said, “I’ll put it on you right now if that’s what you want. But considering where we are heading, shouldn’t we wait? I don’t want you to lose it. Maybe I should even keep this one safe.”

He lifted his hand to reach for his pin, but Dean stopped him. Holding his hand, he said, “Don’t worry about that, it will stay on.”

“Aren’t these fragile? I told you, I don’t want to break it or lose it.”

“You won’t. I took care of that. I—Mrs. B. helped me. She—just trust me, the only way this is getting off your coat is because you, and no one else, wills it.”

There was a short pause. “Then you are right. It will stay on.”

He lifted the box and installed Dean’s pin in turn.

“Happy?”

“Very.”

“Dean, will you let me know when you will celebrate the next holiday? I’d like to be there.”

Giving his hand a squeeze, he said, “No way we are doing this without you. I’m looking forward to experiencing the rest of them with you.” And knowing that Sam was waiting, he said, “Just one last little thing before we end this one though.”

“What’s that?”

And Dean, slowly leaning in, breathed, “A kiss.”

And he was granted his wish.

THE END

#destiel fic #destiel fluff #SPN xmas #destiel secret santa #my fanfic #Dean Winchester #castiel #castiel and his bees #Dean Winchester loves Castiel

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asfaltics · 4 years ago

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attended to his letters; a course of reducing exercises

or did you hear commentaries [ ] over the radio? I don’t have the time to do it. You don’t have time to do it. 1 and that, of course, you don’t have time to was taught the game 2 increasing the feed for / my dope, but you don’t have time 3 You don’t have time to investigate them fully yourself? No 4 It was hard work? — Yes, sir. You have to be fast and do the best you can. You don’t have time 5 for nearly everything; you don’t have time 6 You don’t have time to bother about your neighbors, and you don’t 7 enjoy our own com . pany , as we never have any chance to see friends around home, for you don’t have time after and before 8 And in some cases wastefully? — Not wastefully. Does not one involve the other? — I don’t see it in that light. A man applies for relief. You don’t have time to see that man. 9 you don’t have time to spend one hour in thinking every day to see your business in a bigger, better, and cleaner way than it is today. [ ] desk covered with papers, unfinished business, no time to see 10 the “ticket” for large swamps. You don’t have time 11 You see, when you’re on the news end of a thing like this you don’t have time to get worked up. 12 “Well,” she said, “I suppose you are so busy at the office you don’t have time. 13 you are so terribly busy that I suppose you don’t have time to feel lonesome. Why can’t girls do something like that, too? 14 “How did you like it down there?” he asked. “Well” — she paused thoughtfully — “down there you can keep busy. There’s something to do all the time; you can keep so occupied that you don’t have time to stop and think and feel.” 15 you don’t have time to think of danger” But one foggy morning not long after... 16 today. always say you don’t have time to read. ward, like a girl 17 By the time he had days. When you’re busy you don’t have time to attended to his letters. 18 a course of reducing exercises, you don’t have time to think of that. I don’t believe I’m abnormal, perhaps I am, but 19 Well, I use two formulas; saying you “don’t have time” is part of the world of citation. Saying you “have time” is part of the world of translation. I think that the questioning typical of translation has always been absent in the plastic arts. 20

sources ( “you don’t have time,” all but two pre-1923 )

1 ex reporters’ transcript, April 20, 1959, The People of the State of California, Plaintiff, vs. Louis Estrada Moya, et al., Defendent, being part of the Transcript of Record, Supreme Court of the United States, October Term, 1960, No. 186, Luis Estrada Moya, Petitioner, vs. California on write of certiori to the Supreme Court of the State of California (petition filed June 9, 1960; granted June 27, 1960) : 200 aside — Google misdated this 1832; 1960 was outside of my search range. A well-known case (I was too young at the time to know it). Some sources : ◾ “A mother-in-law’s murder for hire scheme results in death penalty for all three participants” at vcdistrictattorney, in which this : “What made the case unique? The hired killers testified against Mrs. Duncan without commitment [that] the District Attorney would not seek the death penalty in exchange for their testimony... In fact, all three received the death penalty and were executed. Of course, today’s appellate courts would likely reverse a case in which a defense attorney failed to seek sentencing concessions in exchange for testimony.” ◾ Arlene Martinez, “Love, scandal and murder: Ventura County case drew national attention,” VC Star (June 29, 2013) ◾ Alice de Sturler review of Jim Barrett his definitive Ma Duncan at Defrosting Cold Cases (October 17, 2020) ◾ Cecelia Rasmussen, “A Mother’s Love Was the Death of Her Daughter-in-Law,” Los Angeles Times (January 20, 2002; paywall) ◾ Joan Renner, “Dead Woman Walking: Elizabeth Ann ‘Ma’ Duncan,” parts 1-4 (2013) at Deranged LA Crimes (True 20th Century tales of murder, mayhem, political corruption, and celebrity scandal) and, finally, ◾ wikipedia 2 OCR cross-column misread, at Annie Eliot, “John Emerson Gaines’s Love Affairs,” The Manhattan 2:5 (November 1883) : 467-475 (468) snippet view only, opens to hathitrust. Annie Eliot Trumbull (1857–1949), author of novels, short stories, and plays; associated with Hartford, Connecticut’s “Golden Age”. wikipedia 3 OCR cross-column misread at H. E. Browing on “Pig Tails,” at The Swine World (Google titles it Poland China World) 5:2 (September 1917) : 11 4 ex Statement of William E. Johnson, chief special officer, United States Indian Affairs, before Committee on Indian Affairs, re: Senate Resolution No. 263 (Washington, 1910) : 367-400 (392) an intense exchange, on sale of alcohol on reservations. William E. “Pussyfoot” Johnson (1862-1945) was an energetic and resourceful prohibitionist and law enforcement officer. (wikipedia) 5 here, Julius Baum, examined by J. R. Lamar (January 29, 1896), in Contested Election Case of Thomas E. Watson Vs. J.C.C. Black, from the Tenth Congressional District of the State of Georgia, and published in/by the U.S. Congress, Committee on Elections (Washington, 1896) : 535 aside — an episode in the dismantling of Reconstruction institutions and Black suffrage. ◾ Thomas E(dward). Watson (1856-1922) (wikipedia). ◾ Watson is discussed in Jo Ann Whatley, her remarkable MA thesis Pike County Blacks : the spirit of populist revolt and White tolerance (1891-1896) as depicted in the Pike County Journal and other related sources (Atlanta University, 1984), available here ◾ Watson was succeeded by James C(onquest). C(ross). Black (1842-1928) (wikipedia). “Black was declared the winner of the election but Watson charged that the vote was fraudulent. Black agreed to resign his seat just after the opening of the 54th Congress so that a new election could be held. In the October 1895 special election, Black prevailed over Watson again, and thus took his seat back to fill the vacancy caused by his own resignation.” J.C. C. Black entry, at Biographical Directory of the United States Congress 6 ex Investigation of Hazing at U. S. Military Academy, being “Testimony taken by the Select Committee of the House of Representatives appointed to investigate and report on the alleged hazing and resulting death of Oscar L. Booz, late a cadet at the Military Academy, and upon the subject of the practice of hazing at the said academy.” (1901) : 776 7 another contested election, here Mrs. Louise Roller under cross-examination by Mr. Goldsmith, in Scholl, Charles L. Vs. Bell, Henry A. Jefferson Circuit Court (Louisville, Kentucky), Chancery Branch: First Division, Chas. L. Scholl, Plaintiff Vs. Henry A. Bell, Defendant. No. 41519. / Second Division, Arthur Peter, Plaintiff Vs. Chas. A. Wilson, Defendant, No. 41524. : “Contested election cases heard together,” Transcript of Record, Volume 8 (10 volumes in 9) : 39 (snippet only, but in full at hathitrust) 8 ex report from Washington Division (by Cert. 9730), 23:5 (May 1906) [number/month uncertain, could be June] : 712 (opens to hathitrust; found via google snippet view) 9 ex the “Poplar Inquiry,” here an examination of Mr. P. G. Miles, Relieving Officer, in Transcript of Shorthand Notes taken at the Public Inquiry held by J. S. Davy, C.B., Chief General Inspector of the Local Government Board, “into the general conditions of the Poplar Union, its pauperism, and the admnistration of the guardians and their officers.” Presented to both Houses of Parliament... (London, 1906) : 141 On the Poplar workhouse, see workhouses.org.uk (scroll down (near bottom) to “The Poplar Union Scandal and Inquiry”). ◾ Poplar is a district in East London (wikipedia) 10 ex E. Elmo Martin (Cleveland, Ohio), “How to hand the day’s work,” in National Lime Association Proceedings (Twentieth Annual Convention, Cleveland, Ohio; June 13-16, 1922) : 68-76 (73) (snippet view; full view at hathitrust) 11 ex H. Stimmons (Stark Co., Ohio), “More about coon hounds,” Hunter-trader-trapper 25:3 (December 1912) : 87-89 (88) (snippet view at Google, but full view at hathitrust, NW second paragraph) 12 ex Wayland Wells Williams (“author and artist,” 1888-1945), The Whirligig of Time (Frederick A. Stokes, 1916) : 335 Wayland Wells Williams papers at Yale YCAL MSS 551 13 ex T.I.M., “Dimpleton Stays at Home : A Story with a Real Moral,” in Life (July 25, 1907) : 155-158 (156) 14 snippet view only, at The Cactus (Austin, Texas; 1908) : 275 A journal “published by and for the students of the University of Texas”; 1907 and 1909 (but not 1908 alas) at hathitrust. 15 “down there” being Chicago, ex Henry Oyen (1883-1921), chapter 36 of “Big Flat,” in The Country Gentleman 84: (March 8, 1919) : 20, 22, 57-59 The novel was published in 1919, same passage at p 204 (NYPL copy) ◾ Haven't located much information about Oyen; his published work is listed at his Online Books page 16 Homer Randall. Army Boys in the French Trenches Or, Hand to Hand Fighting with the Enemy (New York: George Sully & Company, 1918) : 199 Six “Army Boys” titles were produced by the Stratemeyer Syndicate 1918-1920, all under the pseudonym Homer Randall : Army Boys in France, Army Boys in the French Trenches, Army Boys on the Firing Line, Army Boys in the Big Drive, Army Boys Marching into Germany, and Army Boys on German Soil (stratemeyer.org) ◾ The Stratemeyer Syndicate records (1832-1984; bulk 1905-1984) are at NYPL ◾ See also Stratemeyer pseudonyms and series books : an annotated checklist of Stratemeyer and Stratemeyer Syndicate publications / compiled and edited by Deidre Johnson (1982); Deidre Johnson, Edward Stratemeyer and the Stratemeyer Syndicate (Twayne Publishers, 1993); and wikipedia 17 OCR cross-column misread at Harriet Winton Davis, “With the Children : Don’s Knitting,” in The Congregationalist and Advance (August 29, 1918) : 241 Other (not this) issues at hathitrust 18 OCR cross-column misread (extended here), ex H. D. Morgan, Ph. C., “The Kid,” in the section Original and Selected : From the best writers, and the leading drug, medical, chemical and scientific publications of the world, in Practical Druggist and Pharmaceutical Review of Reviews (November 1908) : 529-534 19 Frank R. Adams (1883-1963), “The Heart Pirate,” (illustrations by Charles D. Mitchell), in The Cosmopolitan 72:3 (March 1922) : 43-48, 117-118 (44) — snippet view, but opens at hathitrust More — “... yell for a diet and start doing a course of reducing exercises, you don’t have time to think of that. I don’t believe I’m abnormal, perhaps I am, but just since this afternoon I have come to the conclusion that if you want to put down crime you’ve got to suppress more than just alcohol — you’ve got to suppress the modern flapper. They’re so damnably desirable...” (It gets worse...). See wikipedia; author’s papers at Oregon 20 ex Giuseppe Caccavale : in giardino, a buon fresco (content by Laura Cherubini, Giuseppe Caccavale, Chiara Bertola and Claudia Gian Ferrari; Charta, 2009) : 77

Needed another line, and thought Samuel Beckett might provide. Search yielded no Beckett, but the above passage, fitting in its way and no more nor less ambiguous than anything else here. something recent — Giuseppe Caccavale « Projet Paul Celan », Residence Concordia, Parigi gennaio-ottobre 2020; testo e foto dell’artista. (1 February 2021)

method

A friend reminded me, recently, that I don’t have time (for what is irrelevant here). Have been ruminating on (avoiding the consequences of) this, since. And thinking too about the place dimension of time, as discussed by Veronica O’Keane in her The Rag and Bone Shop : How we make memories and memories make us (2021) — “One’s sense of time is inseparable from events, but this is a sense of time. Might time have something to do with place cells?” (107) and “The whole concept of time is generally unhelpful in understanding science, be it physics or neuroscience... From the perspective of recording events, the present is consciousness. In a seemingly ironic twist, I myself think that the only place that time does not exist is in the moment of consciousness...” (113)

The encountered lines — all included above from my search in pre-1923 sources — have found their respective though non-chronological places in a kind of rocking, panning motion, in which sediments settle into their respective ripples / couplets.

Would, could, does this — sequence — work (whatever “work” means) without the anchorings / tetherings / bibliographic wastefull(ness; line 9 above) that follow it? They were needed in the making, anyway, and for there to be sufficient distraction for the making to sustain.

all subject to change.

#contested elections #couplet #time #swamps #waste #Poplar Inquiry #Giuseppe Caccavale #William E. Pussyfoot Johnson

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blackjack-15 · 4 years ago

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Ziplines, Blood Ties, and Colonavirus — Thoughts on: The Silent Spy (SPY)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN, HAU, RAN, WAC, TOT, SAW, CAP, ASH, TMB, DED, GTH

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with my list of previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: SPY; mentions of the “Nancy Games” (ASH-SPY); SAW; mention of National Treasure (2004).

The Intro:

It’s our penultimate meta, and this time, it’s personal.

In every way, The Silent Spy is the culmination of the Nancy Games. Ever since her trip back home in ASH, Nancy has been increasingly featured in the games, showing us more of her personality, her life, and her backstory — all in an effort to lead up to this story, where we actually delve into Nancy’s place in the world and what it means that she lives in it.

And the answer to that is a lot less wholly idealistic than the franchise would have given 20+ games ago.

I don’t mean to say that SPY is a cynical game — it’s honestly fairly neutral, edging on positive — but that SPY accepts the fundamental truth that all of the Nancy games have been leading up to: that Nancy, though talented, hardworking, and connected, is simply another fish when it comes to the sea of life. She’s not unique in any way that really matters – look at her foils in Alexei, in Jamila, in Deirdre, in Jessalyn — and yet she continues to work hard, to solve puzzles, and to right old wrongs.

At least for me, this is a hopeful message. The point of “Nancy Drew, Girl Detective” is not that no one could do what she does, it’s not that she’s the best, most experienced sleuth in the world, and it’s not that she’s the Last, Best Hope of those who call upon her for aid. The point behind her character is that she’s a relatively normal (if wealthy) girl who does what she can, and chooses to do it again and again.

There’s a wonderful part in the equally wonderful movie National Treasure when our heroes are reading a part of the Declaration — the part talking about the right of the citizens to throw off a despotic government like the British had become — and Ben (Nicholas Cage, actually in a good movie for once!) defines it in modern speech:

“If there’s something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.”

In the beginning of the Nancy Drew games series, Nancy is merely an intuitive puzzle solver. She gets her cases through family connections, turns up at places where mysteries happen to occur, etc. etc. As time goes on and she practices, she eventually comes to the point where she’s being hired for bigger and bigger cases, more and more regularly — in short, she starts to live the truth of that quote. Nancy is, at her core, someone with the ability to take action against things that are Wrong. Throughout this series — and most especially, throughout the “Nancy” games (ASH-SPY), she becomes someone who recognizes her responsibility to take action.

And that’s what’s showcased here in SPY. Upon arriving and learning that she’s been led to Glasgow under false circumstances, Nancy is immediately and wholly over her head — but she’s still someone who has the ability to take action to right a wrong. When she’s working against Revenant, warning the scientist, or reading through secret memo after secret memo, she’s not doing it with the intent to Save the World; she’s finishing Kate Drew’s last task. Her loyalty isn’t to Glasgow, to Cathedral, to MI5, or any other player in this story — her loyalty is to her mother, and to the task Kate Drew died while trying to finish.

Which is, in my view, the best possible motivation in a game that’s all about family.

With that discussion behind us, I want to talk a little bit here about the other theme of this game — power. Revenant, as the terrorist group that they are, want to seize power; their goal is to run Glasgow (branching off from there into a wider sphere, of course) through seizing power during a (self-induced) state of emergency — aka, what’s referred to in-game as the Colony operation.

This is, of course, Politics 101 — whip people up into a frenzy, come in promising to Save Everyone, and entrench yourself in power that you can’t be moved from with any amount of ease. And while Revenant planned it for 2005, it would work even better in 2013, when social media and instant, 24-hour news cycles can keep the fear alive far more effectively than Revenant would have hoped for nearly a decade prior.

Both in 2005 and 2013, Revenant nearly succeeds, only to be foiled by a red-head out of her depth but who tries anyway (the difference between the two, of course, is that Kate was isolated and Nancy had backup). The most startling thing — and one of my favorite things about this game – is that it doesn’t end with Nancy ‘killing’ Revenant once and for all, or even stopping the Colony Operation once and for all. Nancy is, in every way, out of her depth here; she’s not used by either side as an agent, or even as an asset — she is, as Zoe reminds her, a tool, valuable for what she might know, not for her skills, not for who she is, or what she works for.

As the games from TOT on have worked hard to expand Nancy’s world and tie it together, SPY shows the benefit of having a wide-open world: that the world goes on, people live and die, and secretive organizations (ATAC, Revenant, Cathedral, MI5…) plot and scheme to remake the world in their image.

This, in my view, is also a great thing. The thing that Nancy Drew books (and a lot of the early games) get wrong is that Nancy fixes (or is party to fixing) all of the problems introduced. The piano-playing girl that Nancy meets ends up with a Grandmaster as a teacher; the inheritance goes to the Worthy Widow and Her Daughter; Nancy rescues her tied-up father AND solves his case for his client all in one brilliant masterstroke.

That’s not to say that every story should have all of its threads dangling by the end, but Nancy is simply a smart and resourceful girl, working (most of the time) with her own relatively meager resources. She shouldn’t be the answer to the world’s problems, and I think it’s lovely that, especially in the Nancy games, she really isn’t. Nancy is a helper, and that’s far more valuable than being an omniscient, all-powerful being who can magically fix everyone’s problems just by being there.

The last thing I want to talk about in this introduction is how good SPY is for Nancy’s own personal lore. There’s a lot of fuss every time SPY is brought up about how “Nancy’s mom actually died when she was three!!” which, honestly, tells me that the 60s re-writes (which, yes, if you’re pedantic, started in ’59) did more damage than I had previously thought.

The original Nancy Drew books were written in the 30s by various ghostwriters, and were a little different from the yellow-bound 60s rewrites that most people consider the “old Nancy Drew books”. 30s Nancy Drew was a little closer to our games-universe Nancy; brash, outspoken, punishingly independent, and incredibly capable. She’s also a bit violent and unruly, has graduated from school at 16, lost her mother at 10, and does as she pleases with the occasional call home to reassure Carson or (more often) to ask a question about the law.

Sadly, other than taking out a few racial and societal overtones that weren’t really acceptable after 30 years — mostly by taking out any non-white characters and including different forms of bias, note — the yellow rewrites weren’t an improvement to the stories or to Nancy’s character. Nancy becomes less bold, less independent, and far more focused on describing each meal in punishing amounts of detail. The words “kindly” and “sweetly” were increasingly added after “Nancy said”, she’s far more deferential to authority, and her mother instead passes when Nancy is 3, rather than 10.

In changing the form of the media to video games, rather than books, what would eventually become HER had a choice; they could align themselves with the newest Nancy Drew books — the Nancy Drew Files and Nancy Drew on Campus, both of which were known for being Hotter and Sexier (and, in the case of Campus, ridiculously stupid) — or choose what people called “the classics” — the yellow-spine 60s rewrites, as the once-famous blue books had been all but forgotten in the 90s. In the first (and still one of the last, honestly) brilliant move of the series, HER chose to mix and match the things that made for good game fodder from (nearly, given how much the Campus books suck) every written incarnation of Nancy.

And, to their credit, they chose an important fact from the 30s: Nancy’s mother died when she was 10, not when she was 3.

Losing a parent is a defining moment no matter when it happens, but the exact effect often changes based on (among other things) the age of the child. In order for Nancy to be the kind of person who is influenced by the mystery of her mother’s death, her mother had to have died when Nancy could remember — thus, 3 is right out, as Nancy might remember tiny bits and pieces of the events leading up to and right after, but nothing else.

By taking bits and pieces of contrasting (and often contradictory) lore and making their own out of it, HER (and I’m hat-tipping Cathy and Nik especially here, given Nancy’s characterization spike beginning around WAC/TOT) gives us a version of Nancy that’s similar to the sleuth we know and love from the books and movies (ignoring the 2007 disaster) and, occasionally, TV shows, while still keeping her mostly consistent and showing us a few new flashes that make this character stand out and win her place in the Drewniverse.

Now, with all of that said, let’s move on to this game in specific, shall we?

The Title:

The Silent Spy, as a title, is one that is wonderfully mysterious and really makes you want to know more — right up until the title drop within the game itself, at which point it shifts from quite alluring to desperately sad and foreboding.

After all, “the only silent spy is a dead spy.”

As the game really is about our resident Silent Spy — Kate Drew and her actions and legacy — this is really the only title that the game could have had, and it suits it down to the ground, both with its mystery and with its sadness.

In life, Kate Drew was silenced, and in death, she is obviously necessarily silent — but Nancy reads her words, remembers her speech, listens to her voice, and, of course, hears her song, whenever the world is quiet enough. And I think that’s a wonderful dichotomy for the title to introduce before the game has even properly begun.

The Mystery:

Summoned to Scotland by a mysterious message and guided by a photograph of her mother, Nancy arrives ready to retrace her mother’s steps — only to be thrown into a world of espionage, gadgets, untraceable phone calls, and deadly mishaps. Her luggage (and her best clue about her mother) having been stolen, the presence of an old family friend who refuses to talk, an evasive skiptracer, an excitable local, and a clever intelligence agent all work together to ensure that Nancy is off-balance the minute she arrives.

All, of course, is even less what it seems than Nancy is prepared for, and she spends to game gloriously off-balance trying to keep up with the larger forces pushing and pulling her. She needs to retrace her mother’s steps, escape from certain death, dig deep into the pasts and presents of the people she meets, and do some impressive sleuthing of her own to even make the change from tool to player — and even that might not be enough to keep her safe when the dastardly minds at Revenant come a-knocking…

As a mystery — or as a collection of intertwined mysteries, honestly — SPY succeeds at what a lot of other games tried (and ultimately failed, in one way or another), which is to link all the happenings in the game together under one cohesive plot that grows more and more horrifying the more you think about it. GTH has a fandom reputation for fridge horror, but SPY holds its own easily when you consider Kate’s fatal chase, Moira’s abduction and guilt, the threats that Ewan and Alec operate under, and the life that Zoe leads on the regular.

Every action that Nancy takes benefits someone — whether it be Cathedral, Revenant, herself, or an interested third (fourth?) party — without her really meaning to, and the game is great in including another question in every reveal.

The beauty of SPY’s mystery(s) is that it takes careful reading, paying attention, and honestly replaying in order to grasp the enormity of every action. No matter how many times you play or replay, there’s something new to find — a time-sensitive conversation, an implication in a note, a theory behind the presence of a clue or a piece of (what you previously thought to be) set dressing — it honestly is limitless, and it just helps to contribute to the feeling that this is a world that Nancy isn’t meant to truly be fully immersed in.

And speaking of people who are immersed in that world…

The Suspects:

We’ll begin, for organization’s sake, with our out-and-out (current) agents first, then tackle our other suspects, then our Nancy-related people, and finish off with — for the final time in this series, as this is the last “Nancy” game — Nancy herself.

A new, yet returning character, Bridget Shaw is one of the cover identities of Zoe Wolfe — aka Samantha Quick, who Nancy impersonated in VEN and who helped the Hardy Boys in Treasure on the Tracks.

Prior to SPY, I had money for a very long time that Samantha Quick would eventually come into the game, and I was absolutely delighted with her appearance in SPY — where else would she be so well situated? Zoe is snarky, disillusioned, cynical, and sometimes downright nihilistic, but she’s also someone who took up a job that, percentage-wise, no one wants to or is able to do, because she’s alone:

“I work in the field for two reasons: one, I don’t need any help. And two, because no one would miss me if I fell off the grid.”

I love watching the ND games subvert their own formula, and Zoe is a great example of the “helper”-type suspect who really isn’t like your traditional “helper” at all. She’s there to do a job, and if sticking with Nancy helps her to do it, then that’s what she does. But she’s not there to Right some Great Wrong for the warm fuzzies of it all, or even because it’s Just and Right. She’s there because it’s her job, and her job is to play the game.

“It’ll be brief, painful, and full of garbage…but that’s life, isn’t it? And that’s the metaphor I’m riding into the grave.”

Next is our (kind of) double operative and partial culprit, Ewan McLeod (real name Sean Kent Davis) is a clever operative of Cathedral who decided that he wasn’t valued or important anywhere near as much as he should have been, and reached out to Revenant to supply them with information. Summoning Nancy to Scotland, Ewan is easily able to gain a portion of her trust as the Watcher in the Wires and is her tie to the relative safety of Cathedral.

As a culprit, Ewan is — ultimately — pitiable. Not that he’s not an egotist with a victim complex a mile wide, but when you actually look at the situation he’s in, it’s hard not to feel bad for him, even though he did it to himself. Having contacted Revenant, he’s now attempting to hold a tiger by the tail, praying it can’t eat him — and his worst fears come true, as his loved ones are threatened (“trying to keep my friends and family alive”, remember) and he’s discarded and made a target by the terrorists that he tried to use to make himself important.

Given the rather chilling threats made by Revenant, I’m inclined to believe that when we find him tied up, he didn’t do it to himself. Nancy would have noticed if the knots were too loose to have been done by a third party, and we know Revenant told him several times that if he wasn’t useful, he’d be punished.

While Ewan makes terrible choices, he’s also a pawn being played by a larger force — like everyone else in the game — and that is at least worth pity, if not forgiveness.

Next up is our former Cathedral agent and all-around tough cookie Moira Chisholm. As one of the people responsible for the events that led to Kate’s death — though no one but Revenant is responsible for killing her, note — Moira lives with guilt, regret, and a powerful sense of loneliness that only the loss of everyone you hold dear can bring.

Moira’s guilty of nothing in the present-day calamity, and helps Nancy the very best she can in her own limited power, but is ultimately a character for whom the past looms larger than the present can match. She has her hobbies, but her house is filled with memories of days when people sat on her couch and broke her teacups, not of hours reading alone.

She’s an intensely tragic character, and an example of what happens when your need to know the “truth” can get in the way of doing right by those you love. Moira lost everything to her previous job for Cathedral (who is implied to have left her, an otherwise dangerous free agent, alive because they knew (correctly!) she would become stagnant and docile under the weight of her own guilt, ouch), and yet she risks life and limb to help Nancy —not because she thinks it’ll exculpate her, but because Moira, at her core, wants to help the world, no matter what it’s taken from her.

Our final suspect is Glasgow’s resident skiptracer and unwilling pawn Alec Fell, who, along with Moira, can be traced back to Kate Drew’s death. Originally, Alec investigated a mysterious car crash — the one that killed Kate Drew — and, when he didn’t stop after a warning, had his office ransacked and burned. In the few months before the game starts, he experiences another break-in and his sister is kidnapped, with a message informing him that if he wants to guarantee her safety, to comply with Revenant’s orders.

Unlike Ewan, when pushed into a corner, Alec does his best to raise a little hell while still trying to keep his sister safe. For everything that he does on Revenant’s orders, he also helps Nancy out, finds her suitcase, locates Moira, tells Nancy where the cards are, and does his best to push back in other, little ways.

Sure Alec is guilty of a few things — most notably the fake shooting scare in Nancy’s room — but he’s a very active character, riding the rails and searching for anyone who can help put an end to this situation. It’s not for nothing that he’s a fan favorite, both for this game for the series at large, and his excellent VA and charming dialogue only make up half of his appeal.

On our Nancy side, we’ve got a few returning characters and one (semi) new one, so let’s go through them before getting (for the last time!) to the girl detective herself.

Carson Drew, father and golf model extraordinaire, is here to ground (as in steady, not punish) Nancy as she goes through this mystery. As the other person besides Nancy who was most affected by Kate’s death, Carson is an invaluable source of Kate-related knowledge, but is concerned foremost with his daughter’s safety.

For my money, the most important thing we learn about Carson here is that, well…he married the wrong woman as much as Kate married the wrong man. It’s sort of simplistic to say that their story shows that, in some cases, love doesn’t conquer all, but it’s true all the same.

Carson was happy to jet off to Scotland on occasion to visit Moira and her husband, but being happy to take vacations is a very different thing from a life constantly shifting and changing. He’s a prosecutor, so he has a strong sense of justice, but also has a strong sense of stability — he chose a career with a set trajectory and clearly defined rules.

Kate Austin, however, was a journalist who occasionally consulted for a Spy Organization when life got a little too boring (it’s important to note that she wasn’t a straight-out spy like Moira — she was far too free-spirited for that). She had all of Nancy’s inquisitiveness but more people skills than Nancy will probably ever have, and made friends easily.

It’s easy to see how she would have been attracted to the All-American, hardworking, solidly intelligent, emotionally balanced man, just as it’s easy to see how the slightly flashy, clever, inquisitive, intuitive redhead would have attracted him.

If this is starting to feel like I’m describing two other characters here…well, longtime readers of this meta series already know what happens when I use a paragraph to describe characters without using their names.

Kate is important in the game in that we’re shown her differences from and —more enlightening — similarities to Nancy. Nancy’s actions in this game are reflections on what Kate did (and what she would have done) as much as they show how the daughter diverges from the mother. And while Nancy doesn’t have her mother’s people skills or ease of making friendships, what she does have is her mother’s – and I’m going to use this word purposely — flightiness.

At the end of the day, Carson couldn’t be with Kate when she flitted off around the world, and Ned can’t be with Nancy when she does the same.

(I also find it interesting that we deal in the games only with Carson’s side of the family, and never even have a mention of Nancy’s maternal grandparents. Yes, I know Kate could have been an only child and her parents could already be dead…but I do like the possibility that they blame Carson for Kate’s death (entirely undeservedly!) and thus cut off contact. But this meta is for, well, meta, not fanfic.)

Ned Nickerson plays an important role in SPY in that he tries to help Nancy the best he can, even to the point of breaking and entering in her house (though really, it’s just entering, since he has permission) to find a document for her.

Ned comes off brilliantly in this game, but it’s important to note that his big, impressive (yet charmingly understated) speech isn’t to Nancy, but to Carson. And it doesn’t sway Nancy, it sways Carson. Because, at the end of the day, Carson can relate to lots of the pieces that make Ned what he is, and the situation that Ned finds himself in.

He’s wonderful, as boyfriends go; he calls her, encourages her, offers oddly prescient hints…but he doesn’t go with her. It’d be easy enough to make that a point in the series that, though we don’t see it happen, Ned often accompanies Nancy on her escapades, but instead we’re told — often through contention — that the exact opposite is true.

Ned is solid, true, intelligent, emotionally balanced and kind, but above all, Ned is stable. He’s enrolled in college — in an honors frat — and plays sports, attends his classes faithfully, remembers important dates…the list goes on and on. These are all wonderful characteristics for a boyfriend, but he, like Carson with Kate, ultimately isn’t what Nancy needs out of a relationship — and she is certainly not, like Kate with Carson, what Ned needs out of a relationship.

At the end of the day, both would need to compromise — Ned would need to set off with her sometimes, and Nancy would need to stay close to home sometimes — in order to make the other happy. And, well…nothing we have in any of the games says that either one would do that in the long term. Sure, Nancy returns home after the fight in CAP for ASH…but is in Egypt the very next game — immediately followed by Colorado, Georgia, and Scotland.

And honestly, this is the basis on which I disagree with Ned/Nancy as a couple. It serves neither one and, as we see in quite a few games where they squabble, they can make each other worse.

And speaking of our resident sleuth, let’s talk about Nancy Drew before wrapping up this character section.

In SPY, Nancy is — as mentioned above — a tool, used by both sides to get what they want without caring how it personally affects her. The big thing we learn about Nancy in this — and one of my favorite characteristics about her — is that Nancy is pretty ruthless. To me, it makes sense that, to get the information she wants, Nancy does what a terrorist organization tells her to because 1) it’s not her home immediately at risk, and 2) most importantly, Nancy has done bad things in the name of a good end in pretty much every game.

Lying, stealing, breaking priceless artifacts, endangering others — none of these are really new to Nancy, and what SPY does is brings that to the forefront. Sure, you as the player have the option not to do what Revenant tells Nancy to do…but then you miss out on big parts of Kate’s characterization — and, more importantly, a big part of Nancy’s.

In an unprecedented move, I’m going to reference National Treasure again, and quote part of Ben’s speech before he steals the Declaration:

“[A toast] to high treason…here’s to men who did what was considered wrong, in order to do what they thought was right — what they knew was right.”

To me, that shows us why Nancy does what she does — in SPY, and in every other game where she lies, cheats, and steals her way to the truth. She does it because, at the end of the day, Nancy is a person who is ruthless in her pursuit of her goal. And that’s a valuable trait.

Especially when one is dealing with spies, terrorists, and shady government operatives.

The Favorite:

I love most of SPY, so I’ll stick here with the things that especially stick out to me.

As covered above, I love: what this game does for the lore of the ND world; ‘Samantha Quick’; the many motivations of our suspects, and the emotional resonance that this game has.

Beyond that, there are a lot of little things. I absolutely love that they got the relative of the guy who plays Carson to play Nancy when she was little — that’s adorable to me. I love the cookie-making minigame, the outfit swap for Bridget/Zoe, the voice work for all of our suspects and helpers, and the beautiful locations (especially the spy cabin, both exterior and interior).

My favorite moment in the game is a sad one, but I’m a mercurial kind of person, so you should have really expected that. It’s actually Moira’s log/diary/letter to Kate (it functions as all three) after Cathedral deactivates her as an agent. I love a lot about it — the sad, almost desperate feeling to the words, the pen color changing as the seasons do — but nothing is better done than Moira’s last entry:

“It’s winter. It doesn’t matter that it’s winter, does it?”

My favorite puzzle is probably the zip-lining one. Sure, it’s easy, and sure, the animation makes me a little motion-sick, but it’s just….zip lines are just cool. That’s all there is to it. It appeals to the spy-loving idiot in me, and I think big-woosh-go-fast is stupid cool.

I also have to give a hat-tip to Kate’s letter — turning a fandom meme into a heartwarming story? Nik, you mad genius — and Nancy’s letter to Kate at the end. Both are beautifully written and are the perfect centerpiece to their respective characters, and both always put a smile on my face (and, at times, a tear in my eye) when reading them.

The last thing I really do have to mention here is Logan’s quasi-reappearance. I mentioned this in my “Top 5 Surprising Moments” meta, but I love, love, love that Logan is a Cathedral operative, and that he reported on Nancy during SAW. Not only does this continue to open up Nancy’s world, but it also shows that there are consequences to Nancy’s actions. She’s in rare form as far as rudeness goes in SAW, and SPY weaponizes that against her, giving Cathedral (and Revenant) a way to weaponize her feelings about her mother’s death and her — to be frank — inability to let things lie as they are.

The Un-Favorite:

There are a few things that aren’t quite my favorite in SPY, so let’s run through those as well.

First, in the common refrain of “small visual distinctions are difficult for me personally”, I didn’t like that there wasn’t enough contrast between a plain (on the bottom half) cookie and the orange/purple jelly. The shadow on the screen makes it kind of difficult to tell them apart, especially if there’s sprinkles and/or frosting on top of it, and I found that mildly frustrating, even though I love the minigame itself.

The second thing I don’t like is the option to skip the dialogue. Yes, this is present in most of the newer games, and I don’t like it in them either, but it’s especially egregious in SPY and LIE. Both of these games really rely on hints given in the dialogue (and of course, in the written materials hidden around the game) in order to get a full, clear view of what’s going on. The option is great on repeat plays, but I really do wish that it was disabled if it was your first save file on the game.

The last annoying thing is the Jabberwocky puzzle — or rather, the percentage of the jabberwocky puzzle that the player actually has to do. The puzzle as it stands feels very confusing, and the “hints” you get are quite unintuitive.

The record tells you basically how to create the encrypted message — it’s the first letter from each green word, the second from each orange word, etc., arranged in the order they appear in the poem — but when you start the poem, Nancy has already basically completed this step, and it’s up to you to do the actual decoding just through process of elimination.

It’s a puzzle of letter deduction, like in TMB and the minigame in ASH — and these are normally my favorite puzzles! — but it’s cloaked in the disguise of an encryption puzzle, and for that, it’s incredibly irritating.

The Fix:

So how would I fix The Silent Spy?

The first thing I’d do, which you can probably guess based on the above section, is to fix how the Jabberwocky poem is presented. Even a bit of dialogue establishing what the player actually has to do versus what Nancy does for the player would be helpful in working through it without bothering making the encrypted message oneself, and would set the player up to actually know what they’re doing, versus the mass of confusion that comes with the puzzle.

The only other change I would make would to put in one more flashback — that of 10-year-old Nancy’s perspective shortly after Kate’s death, perhaps after the funeral. We spend a lot of time in flashback seeing Kate before her death, and I think it would add to just a little bit more of seeing Nancy’s relationship with her mother if we could see the Drew house with her recently gone.

(And perhaps, see or hear Hannah? Please?)

The Silent Spy is a game that I find, on the whole, to be one of the best that Nik penned, and certainly a fitting end to the series of “Nancy Games” that gives us a little more perspective on our teeth sleuth. There are as many moments of joy as of sorrow, but in the end the player is left with the feeling that Nancy’s world is a little better for knowing more about her mother, and that whatever else Kate did and was, she left behind a world (both in game and breaking the fourth wall) that was better — and had ways to become even better than that — than it was when she lived in it.

#nancy drew #nancy drew games #clue crew #the silent spy #nancy drew meta #SPY #video games #my meta #long post

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savrenim · 4 years ago

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hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

#my life #my writing #ifmlam

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emmys-grimoire · 4 years ago

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Hypothetical OM! Angel Hierarchy

Not official or completely factual. 90% my hypothesis/conjecture supported with evidence of varying levels of confidence.

It might be helpful for those who may find it difficult to keep track of who falls under what rank and what those ranks may mean, because it’s definitely confusing. Aaaand we’re likely to get more lore dumps if Season 3 is meant to give us insight on what happened before, during, and immediately after the Great Celestial War.

There will be spoilers.

(It’s here if tumblr resized it to make it unreadable gg guys)

A magnificent MS paint chart and a hot take: ranks = jobs/roles, and one is not necessarily considered better than the other. Compared and contrasted with this.

Explanation/Conjecture/Theories tl;dr

The ranks outside of the Seraphim may be categorical - therefore lateral - and determined more by the nature of an angel's power or talents when they are born more than the amount of power or potential each angel possesses (as explained by Luke in Lesson 43). This would explain how you get Lucifer and Michael placed in the Archangel rank, which is typically the second to last rank in the traditional angel hierarchy, when they're both clearly much more powerful and hold much more authority than the rest of the angels (and, at least in Lucifer’s case, has three pairs of wings -- a trait associated with Seraphim). Their talents lie in combat, so they're filed under "Archangel".

Other possible explanation: the Archangels are typically low level grunts but Lucifer’s/Michael’s/Simeon’s status as Seraphim as well elevate them higher in status than they normally would be.

There does seem to be hierarchies within these hierarchies, too: Levi is a general, which implies greater authority than your average soldier, and Lucifer and Michael are clearly the head honchos. Michael is the current leader of the Legion. Hopefully this isn’t terribly relevant in the future lest things get even more convoluted.

The Seraphim are clearly the 'ruling class', but they're promoted from the lower ranks, and it seems by recommendation. Beelzebub, a Cherubim, is rumored to be recommended for promotion by Lucifer (though he dismisses it). Think of it like giving the Attorney General a seat at the Important People Table; he still keeps his title and job.

Additionally, Beel is one of the weaker brothers in term of power... unless he somehow got a power downgrade after he fell and became a demon. Until there’s some indication of that, though, I’m confident that rank =/= how powerful the angel is, at the very least.

Admittedly calling it a promotion implies he’s changing his rank instead of just getting a new batch of responsibilities/more status. But re: what I said about Lucifer/Michael, it just might put Beel ahead of the other Cherubim in status and authority.

The Archangels are likely given more influence than they traditionally would because the Celestial Realm is in perpetual war with the Devildom until Diavolo takes over. I can see them getting more clout and status because they are in charge for most of that time, and that's likely why most of the Seraphim listed are also Archangels.

Mammon went from Archangel -> Throne, and it seems to be a duty change and little else. He’s called the “Fallen Warrior” so it makes sense. It also makes sense for Lucifer to appoint him to an administrative job underneath him instead of keeping him an Archangel if the warring has ceased in the foreseeable future.

I've placed an * next to the characters whose ranks haven't been explicitly stated in the story yet, but they're placed where they're most likely to go based on descriptions so far. Raphael is the archangel associated with healing: it's a little strange that he's being depicted as a hunter with a spear, but he could be the Legion's equivalent of a head medic or something. Levi is clearly stated to be a general, so he's in the Legion, and likely remains there in some capacity even if he’s angsting no longer getting to fight.

There has been no official "council" confirmed, but the game has hinted that Michael has been in meetings and Belphegor is chastised for sleeping in and missing a meeting, so I suspect the Seraphim operate like one anyway... or there’s just meetings for different angel departments. Who knows? I’m calling them the Council of Assholes for now.

We still don't know what Asmodeus or Belphegor are, though the former seems to work under Raphael. This doesn't really mean much: Simeon clearly works for Michael when they're technically both Archangels and Seraphim.

We haven’t heard anything about the Powers or Virtues yet. Maybe that’s where Asmodeus/Belphegor fall but idk. Their job description may be more dubious as a result.

Father clearly sits at the top of this ladder, but the game gives us precious little insight on how he operates or what his motivations are. There’s probably a reason why he designed things this way, but that has yet to be revealed. Not sure if the Devildom has anything that would be considered this equivalent and we’ve hung out there for two seasons now.

I 100% expect some of this to turn out to be wrong and I'm gonna have to make some corrections/edits. The fact that Mammon mocks Luke for his low rank (before he clarifies that he’s actually unranked) makes me think it probably isn’t all lateral job assignments and even this is way too simplified.

But this is where I’m at. Cheers.

(Also Luke doesn’t technically exist in the past timeline)

#obey me #obey me!#obey me spoilers #obey me cosmology #obey me celestial realm #obey me angels #theories #analysis #lore #theory

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nicad13 · 4 years ago

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Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by: @retro-jupiter Aw, thanks!

Name: NiCad. She’s an unabashed self-insert Transformers character I wrote like, 25 years ago. Unlike most self-inserts, she’s clumsy, nerdy, non-charismatic, and had no romantic relationship in the story she appeared in.

Fandoms: Currently Mandalorian, but I started writing fanfic with Transformers back in 1996! I have a huge re-write of my old stuff I’ve been working on for years but haven’t touched since Mando grabbed me. I’ll circle back to it eventually.

Two-shot: I think my only one is Turning the Corner – an exploration of Din’s younger years, his not-so-enjoyable time with Xi’an, and the possible reasons he was able to get out of that situation.

Most popular multi-chapter: Crossroads. Post-season 1, Din runs in to a Jedi survivor of Order 66. The kid takes a liking to her. Din learns that armor isn’t the only thing that can protect them. Angst, adventure, intrigue, and found family shenanigans ensue.

Actual worst part of writing: I used to think it was the demons in my head that wouldn’t shut up about the stories they want to tell. Usually it was exhilarating, but sometimes it was annoying when I’d get distracted from work & other real-life things that needed my attention. Now I realize it’s when the demons get half-way through the story and then go silent. WHERE DID YOU GO WE HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS. I can coax them back out when I have long, uninterrupted stretches of time, but I don’t seem to get those very often.

How you choose your titles: I usually go for a few words that I think will grab the most attention and are still descriptive of the story. For the Crossroads chapter titles, I stuck with the format of that Mandalorian had for the episode titles: “The [Noun].” The exception was the last episode, which was simply “Redemption,” so I did the same with the last chapter: “Home.”

Do you outline: Not usually. My one-shots usually come in one short, intense burst, downloaded directly from the brain demons, so they don’t require one. For long, multi-chapter ones where I’m jumping around and not writing linearly, I’ll set up a timeline after a while so I have something quick to refer to and remind myself of what happens when. This (hopefully) keeps me from referring to things that haven’t happened yet by mistake, and also keeps things like X happened a few weeks ago during chapter 1, a few months ago during chapter 2, six months ago in chapter 3, etc. One thing I do try to be good about is getting to the computer as soon as I can when a snippet hits me so I can write it down. I don’t worry about where exactly in the story it should go – I just stick it in a file called “scraps” to start with just to preserve the idea. Sometimes it’ll live there for a while before I pluck it out and transplant it to its home in the story, sometimes it gets re-homed almost immediately. A few sit there and never find their way in, but maybe inspire different versions of themselves.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: I have some dim visions of Grogu as Mand’alore, leading the planet through centuries of peace and prosperity.

Callouts @ me: I’m not sure what this is asking, but a couple other answers I’ve seen seem to be philosophy about fanfic. So uh… write for yourself, primarily. Write to satisfy the voice in your head that won’t shut up until you record its words. If you want to write well, seek out advice from those who also write well, and be ready to learn from them. If you’re writing only to gain popularity, you’re writing for the wrong reason and will only be disappointed.

Best writing traits: I’d say I’m best at angst and other emotional darkness. I grew up consuming Stephen King at an inappropriately young age, and I think it shows. His memoir, On Writing, also has nice bits of writing advice. The two bits that struck me the most are 1 – write the first draft with the door closed (don’t think about what others will think about it), and 2 – adverbs are not your friend (i.e., “He placed the Darksaber on the table with great care” instead of “He carefully placed the Darksaber on the table”).

Spicy tangential opinion: I have some… complex opinions about reader-insert fics that I’m not sure I’m able to outline without pissing people off. Like, I have no moral objection to them and they make lots of folks happy and that’s fine. Some of them work reallywell when they focus on the reader’s emotions and experiences. In the context of Mandalorian fanfic, that can serve to make Din even more mysterious – using a restricted POV is a great tool to get us in on the challenge of figuring out such a walled-off and inaccessible character. The ones that violate that and go second-person omniscient POV – that somehow the reader knows everything that others think of them and everything that’s going on just… confuse me. I can kinda forgive it in the current era of a deadly airborne infectious disease pandemic when dating IRL has come to a screeching halt, so I understand the need to substitute for that. Otherwise, go third-person POV and develop the original character.

The one social objection I have to reader-insert fics is when they come at the cost of strong female characters, particularly characters of color, LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, people with disabilities, or otherwise under-represented folks. Reader-inserts are designed to be as generic as possible so that anyone can slip their skins on and off, and they read like a lot of lost opportunities when it comes to representation. And forget about passing the Bechdel test if you don’t even have a name for your own character. We need to challenge ourselves and (gasp) have two women characters who have names and who talk to each other about something other than men and babies. I can count the number of Mandalorian fanfic authors I’ve read that pass this on one hand. (I know there are more, but y’all can take a decent guess about the ratio.) We can do better.

No pressure tagging: Oh, I'm so bad at this and I have no idea who's already done it. Here goes nothing. @hauntedfalcon @bethagain @fanfoolishness

#fanfic #the mandolorian #din djarin

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marumafan · 4 years ago

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Hi! I’ve been reading your KKM analyses, and I absolutely love them, most especially the YUURAM ones! Can you do some detailed ones on Love Letters and Crossheart too? Please, please?!

Hi @celinelean!

Of course! I'm having a day and may not be drawing, so why not?

Also to everyone who likes analyses/discussions, you can always leave some questions/requests in my mailbox if there's anything you're interested in. I'll try my best.

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Love Letter

"Love Letter" was Takabayashi-sensei's first new short story in about 6 years. The first part features Yuuri and Wolfram writing sweet stuff about one another.

The excuse of being 'from Greta's point of view for her homework' gave them both the excuse to express their true feelings.

(Now a cultural point here: The more I live in Japan the more I notice people never tell you the truth about anything. They either don't say anything and let you know 'in some way' or you never find out. A fan of maruma I once met, who could speak English, thanked me for continuing to talk about a topic even after we had disagreed at some point about something. She said people who disagree in Japan simply drop the topic XDD . True story. XD They avoid talking about 'truths' in general. So I feel like this whole keeping your true feelings hidden is a very Japanese thing (which is the target audience for maruma, don't forget). So in this story, both Yuuri and Wolf can express their feelings for one another.)

As for the things they like about each other:

The first thing Yuuri sees that Wolf has written in the cards was some compliment about his awesome black hair. But when Yuuri asks if he should write about Wolf's appearance "How good looking he is" " How his green eyes are like gemstones", "How even his eyelashes are blonde", Wolf's like "Of course not, that's not something Greta cares about". (Wolfie, never change. XD)

Wolf also writes: "How well he gets along with his spouse" which really shows along with his entire demeanor during this story, that even though there's no official title, he really thinks of himself as already married to Yuuri.

Yuuri then writes: "He never abandons his PARTNER" Again, this is a word you use for people you're romantically involved with, but in a more 'earthly' slang. This reminded me of the Seisa arc when, during the bed scene, Yuuri mentions how happy he is to have Wolf there.

He writes another 12 good things about Wolfram, and he mentions that "his left cheek was hot due to the flames of the fire" , implying his right cheek was blushed due to what he was writing. So he's putting in there things that make him blush.

Yuuri asks then if they will get these cards back, and Wolfram assures him that yes they will. Yuuri:"So that we can read them many times and remember how much Greta likes us."

Wolfram: "Of course"

Meaning: Yuuri: "So that I can read many times all the wonderful things you really think about me?" Wolf: "Of course"

However, Yuuri tells Wolf about the futility of having the cards, when you have the other person right there living with you. Yuuri says" Even without something like this, I'm sure that the feelings would be conveyed, " (XDD see this is what I'm talking about! This Japanese mentality of ‘expressing in some way without words’ what you feel)

BUT! this is when Wolf says that in that case, the cards would be more useful to remember people who live apart from you.

So Yuuri's 20th thing he likes about Wolfram is " He tells me things straight to the point".

This means, it's Wolfram who pretty much tells Yuuri to go visit Conrad and have him write stuff about him, cuz he's not living in the castle and so that Yuuri won't miss him.

Wolfram asks if Yuuri's going out. Yuuri says yes. Wolfram's last card says: How honest he is. Yuuri's last card says: How kind he is.

And I mean, damn! If this isn't yuuram af, I don't know what is.

Second part is what was introduced in the first part, Yuuri goes to visit Conrad, he's living above Jozak's bar in a cold, dirty room. And Conrad writes and gives him the card about Yuuri, and it 'warms Yuuri's heart'.

-----------------------------------------------

Comments on Love Letter: I used to think this was a lot more conyuu than it is, but re-reading it and seeing that it was all Wolfram's idea to begin with (and Yuuri knows it was Wolfram's idea), it really shows that strong relationship between Wolfram and Yuuri and includes Conrad's current situation (not living in the castle) as a trigger for getting in a little conyuu in the story and making those fans happy.

You see this 'conyuu afterthought to please the fans' in the first two stories she wrote after the break "Love Letter" and "Lame star Wars". After that, they're all yuuram centric stories. And before the break, they were very much so as well.

It's very clear in everything Takabayashi sensei writes, that she really likes her main couple, and had always planned for them to end up together.

------------------------------------------------

Crossheart

This is an older story (2010ish), even if it was only published as an extra for the omnibus release in July 2013, and it was also used as part of drama cd 70 released in January 2013. But the contents of this story are the origin of another story published in 2011, so it must have been written before that. (EDIT: I found the original information at Ray Clover: CROSSHEART IS FROM APRIL 2006! (file: asuka1302). It was published as a mobile story, and republished as an extra in the omnibus re-release! )

The title: Although it could be a combination of crossword and heart, like hearts crossing/intertwining; or crossword and the last word of the puzzle" kokoro->heart", I like to think that sensei, knowing a bit of English based it on the phrase: "Cross my heart and hope to die"; as in 'a promise' -> which is the topic of this story.

Then the intro line starts with "That day, there was a strong wind blowing since morning, so I couldn't really go outside." This line, much like the title of novel 4, has the concept of 'wind blowing' that makes reference to the proverb 「明日は明日の風が吹く」`Ashita ha ashita no kaze ga fuku'. Tomorrow, tomorrow's wind will blow. Which means something like "there's no point in thinking ahead" or "What comes next is up to life". Whenever sensei writes that enigmatic first line, it usually carries a lot of meaning and foreshadows what is to come.

The story starts with Yuuri and Wolfram alone at the office. Some event is taking place and everyone but them is busy. Yuuri is doing a crossword and struggling. Wolfram finally gets closer to see what's bothering him.

The first hint for the crossword, is 'a pet name for children'. Wolfram then remembers his mother used to call him Honey-chan (Hachimitsu chan). Yuuri immediately likes the name and says "Maybe I too will start calling you that from now on, honey-chan."

(Additional info: In MisePan2, 2011, Wolfram gets angry at being called honey-chan, because "Yuuri is younger than him" so he has no right to call him something that older people call younger people. Clearly, "Crossheart" where Yuuri discovers Wolfram's pet name comes chronologically before Misepan2. So we can pinpoint that Crossheart was written before 2011, maybe it was even a failed attempt at Misepan2. Misepan 2 came out with the last DVD box, which was delayed a year due to circumstances with Takabayashi sensei. We know this because in the afterword of Misepan2 , the author says: "I really can't apologize enough for this.... I honestly apologize to all of you for keeping you waiting. I'm really sorry for the inconveniences I caused to all the parties I kept waiting for this." So sensei apologizes and blames herself for the delay of the last DVD box. This might have been due to her health issues, which she only mentioned once, in 2010. EDIT: I found the original information at Ray Clover: CROSSHEART IS FROM APRIL 2006! (file: asuka1302). It was published as a mobile story, and republished as an extra in the omnibus re-release!)

The second hint for his crossword was the name of a famous mouse, so of course Yuuri is thinking Micky, since the last letters are cky. But it turns out to be "Rocky" a famous mouse character. So there's a legend that small animals, like mice, squirls, rabbits and even birds can see spirits. And this particular mouse is said to deliver messages from the dead to their families.

This triggers Yuuri to ask a question to Wolf: "What would you do, if I never returned?". Wolfram asks him to clarify what he meant. And Yuuri asks: Would you cry? To which Wolf says: I wouldn't. At first Yuuri is a little hurt by the cold answer, like you wouldn't miss me? But Wolfram explains, of course he'd miss Yuuri but he wouldn't cry. Because if he did, Yuuri wouldn't be able to live a happy life back on earth. Wolfram's promise of not crying so Yuuri could be happy, left Yuuri speechless and then he noticed the word that was formed vertically in the crossword.

The hint for that word: "What you use to share your feelings with your partner."

The word is never specifically said, but in the drama cd it's "ko-ko-ro" -> heart. Which would also circle back to the "heart" in crossheart.

------------------------------------------------

Comment on Crossheart: This story as well as its natural continuation, Misepan2, are very yuuram oriented. Do you want an exorcism, another contemporary story of these two, is also largely yuuram. And the same goes for all of sensei’s work including the very last doujinshi.

I also want to point out the pet name she chose: Hachimitsuchan. Again, I may be over reaching, but she has enough English knowledge to know “Honey” is something you call children AND your significant other. The fact that Wolfram eventually gets angry at it, adds to the comedy of errors, which is one of the underlying tropes in maruma. Yuuri’s sweet words are generally misinterpreted by Wolfram.

I've been saying this for years. Takabayashi-sensei has liked this couple from the very beginning and has been building their relationship for novels on end. Every story she's written, shows them happy and together. The very last one even has them married with Wolfram wondering if Yuuri would want more 'wives' (as in, what about the other ships?) and Yuuri assuring Wolf he only wants him (no other ships are sailing from this port).

People who ship Yuuri with other characters aren't basing themselves on novel canon, which is fine, of course! But the novel canon is yuuram. Note: I use yuuram as a word to denote the relationship between Yuuri and Wolfram, also because it’s shorter than royal couple. I’m NOT talking about ‘who’s top’ in the relationship. I feel like this whole ‘top’ bottom’ talk is so 90s, we should get over it, much like Takabayashi-sensei herself has expressed she doesn’t care about that whole ‘top’ ‘bottom’ thing.

#kyou kara maou #kkm #maruma #yuuram #novel analysis

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locke-writes · 5 years ago

Text

Ringtone

Author: locke-writes

Title: Ringtone

Prompt: “I’m just calling to say I love you” x Rafael Barba For: Anon

Rating: K

Word Count: 812

SVU Tag List: @scarletsoldierrr

Sometimes Rafael wondered if you could read his mind or if you had a sixth sense and just knew when there was something troubling him. It seemed every time he had the thought that he needed to hear your voice you would call. This was never something he found he was able to accomplish himself, always calling at the wrong time right when you were in the middle of something. But he always could distinguish whether you were calling in regard to a case or if you were calling about anything else based on how you called. You had his cell number memorized and you had his work number memorized but you always went through Carmen if it was business because you wanted to keep at least this one aspect of your relationship professional. He always insisted you didn’t need to use the work phone, you’d been together for two years all sense of formality had since gone out the window, and yet you always refused.

It was funny how a phone call could turn your entire day around whether that be for better or for worse. He stared at the phone now, desperately trying not to call you and to focus back on his work. He’d been distracted all day, arguing with Carisi about the need for more evidence to put forth any charges for one case, trying to keep up with scheduled meetings, and overall just becoming bored whenever he set out to write anything down. While you were already aware that Rafael was going to be working late he still wanted to apologize once again. Whether or not you had become used to this schedule he still hated it, still hated cancelling dates because something came up, hated constantly being called to deal with a new witness or view and interrogation. You never minded though, mainly because as a detective you were often in the same boat and sometimes being called away to the same case.

He’d been staring at the paper in front of him for the last hour trying to come up with something, anything at all to write down. The case file had been read and re-read again and again in an after to find a word, one singular word, that could jump out at him causing him to gain some idea. Opening arguments had never come easy for him, in the courtroom it was something else entirely. In the courtroom he could breeze through an argument with ease but putting an argument to paper or even just the outline often alluded any eloquence with words he had gained over the years. Of course it never helped that the nature of the trials he was a part of were often dealing with what seemed unimaginable although he stared it in the face each day.

Taking his pen he began to put ink to paper hoping that even if all he came up with was some rambling argument, a second glance could turn it into something worthy of a courtroom. He’d only made a few sentences in when his phone rang. Glancing at the name he smiled when he saw that it was you. Quickly he answered the call.

“Hey, what are you doing still up. I thought I said you didn’t have to wait for me”

“I’m actually just about to go to bed Rafi, I just wanted to call to say I love you”

“I love you too. Sorry I’m working late.”

“That’s fine. Make it up to me this weekend if you insist on apologizing for this all the time.”

“I can’t help it and I know you’re going to say that you work late too which makes this not a big deal but I can’t help it”

“I know. Anyway when you do get home if you’re hungry I picked up dinner on the way home from that Thai place you like, it’s in the fridge.”

“You’re too good for me, I’ll try and be quiet when I get in”

“Don’t worry if you wake me, it’ll give me a chance to hear about what you’re working on. Stop stressing about it by the way, you always do and the more you stress about the more you fail to find the right words."

Rafael nodded before remembering that you weren't in the room, "I'll try. No promises though. I'll see you when I get home"

"Night Rafi!" You spoke and he hung up turning back to the paper in front of him.

He took a few deep breaths trying to heed your advice about relaxing and wasn't too surprised to find that the words began coming to him. Jotting down notes he smiled to himself, you always did know just what to say in order to change his outlook. Even when you weren't physically with him you could make his day better.

#locke writes #law and order svu #rafael barba #law and order svu imagine #rafael barba imagine #law and order svu fic #rafael barba fic #law and order svu fanfic #rafael barba fanfic #law and order svu oneshot #rafael barba oneshot

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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

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Hi and hello! I just recently found your blog and im really really happy that i did! I love your fics about levihan (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ) anyways... i wanted to ask you if i could print my fave fic of urs? Its for personal use only! I promise!!!! I just prefer re- reading them while holding it as if it is a book.... and i want to put it in my bookcase together with the other fics about my other otp's... but it is ok if you won't allow it! I understand 😊😊😊😊 thank you!

Hi Anon!

Omg, even though people have mentioned it before, I’m honestly still surprised people wanna reread my word vomit fanfiction and it gets me so warm on the inside getting stuff like this.

Of course, feel free print my fics if that makes you happy! I mean as an avid fanfic reader I leave my fics posted because I’m hoping others can enjoy something too. So I guess it’s a gift to the fandom and as long as it’s for personal use, feel free to enjoy it how you want.

I just have a few requests (which are not for me really, but for most other content creators as well)

My first condition really is you just keep credit where credit is due when printing fanfiction or even just sharing the fic (particularly when quoting) like just keep that author’s name down there under the title or if you’re reposting or tweeting, make sure to link or make sure to keep the author visible.

I personally don’t mind having my stuff quoted or shared without my name or link under but I just think that separating an author from their work just sets a dangerous precedence.

For one, I believe all content creators should be appreciated for the hard work they do and appreciation isn’t so hard anyway since it’s just a small name under a title right?

Also as a reader and as a research geek, I just like knowing where my stuff comes from for further reading. I’m in love with sources. I read footnotes and bibliographies when I read papers and I like opening up blackholes of articles over one lead. So something to take note of.

And pls ask permission from the the content creator

The reason behind this is because writing fanfiction brings about some legal issues due to copyright especially when money is involved. I mean guys, we’re just lucky Yams isn’t Anne Rice 2.0

Because of that, Not all authors and content creators are open to this because they understandably want full management of their works and in case companies decide to tighten their grip on copyrights etc, a lot of authors are ready to take down everything. (But ao3 is working hard to make sure this doesn’t become reality so please appreciate the ao3 legal team)

So it will be very much appreciated if you ask before you repost or print (or not really if it’s for personal use but for credit’s sake just keep the author name visible) so at least authors are aware where their fics are and readers are aware who wrote it.

I don’t really know if other authors and artists are uncomfortable with the links of their works being shared but one way I do go about resharing is I personally think it’s okay to just drop a link on a post or a tweet, no previews, let the readers go to the website where it is actually posted to see the actual work.

Okay, for me, you don’t have to ask anymore. I dropped all my stuff on ao3 and tumblr knowing full well this is a public domain. My only condition is really if anyone reshares or prints my stuff, as long as there’s a link or there’s credit I honestly don’t mind.

I would probably still appreciate it if people asked though since I like knowing where the fruits of my blood, sweat and tears go but I probably wouldn’t mind too much if I just found some reader one day with a physical copy of my work.

Just don’t earn money from it pls.

But it’s not the money issue, I don’t mind the money too much and I never intended to earn money at all word vomiting into ao3 and I never plan on monetizing my fandom activities really. I’m more scared of the legal implications involved with adding money to the mix.

Wow, this ended up a long post. Sorry for digressing.

But yes, you may print my stuff. You may share my stuff. Just as long as credit is due and as long as the original posted in a link. If you plan on reposting my actual content, i would appreciate if people asked permission but low key I probably would laugh it off if I found some of my stuff posted online.

Personally, I’m more terrified of the legal expenses and setting a dangerous precedence than the actual reposting of my work.

Sorry if this went in all directions at once, I recently found a fic I wrote back in high school recently reposted to another website under a different author and this ask kinda had me thinking about that.

Like I didn’t think too much of the reposting, I just laughed it off and I ended up thinking ‘woah, I’m actually worth plagiarizing asdfghjk’ because it’s been years since I actually wrote for that fandom? But I know that a lot of other content creators would definitely not be okay seeing their work under a different creator or posters name without proper credit so I’ll put my foot down with the PLEASE CREDIT just because I want all other authors and artists appreciated and given the proper credit and respect as well.

On a side note...

Just to share, I have something similar to what you have anon. I keep an ebook library on my ebook reader of my favorite fics. There’s this app called calibre which works similarly to itunes in making it loads easier to organize fic. And since ao3 makes it incredibly easy to download ebook files, I would just download them, organize them in calibre and push them to my kindle.

So, most of the fics I reread rn, are also on my kindle and for people who don’t have the means to print or line them on a huge shelf, putting the fics on calibre and just pushing them to an ebook reader like a kindle, almost simulates the whole book reading experience since the kindle has a paper white interface and the backlight can be turned off. (Not sure with other ebook readers since I’ve always been a kindle gal)

I actually have my own personal physical book compilation of all my favorite Levihan fanfictions (with all authors permissions granted) on my shelf right now and I will be keeping it for a very long time so that one day I can indoctrinate my children into the levihan cult.

I’m glad you enjoy my fic! (Out of curiosity though anon, which of my fics do you actually want printed?)

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vaguely-gestures-to-the-void · 4 years ago

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Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

Welcome back! Spoilers below!

I need to clarify that I watch Loki purely as an escape. I've got a biased perspective in that regard because I don’t actively try to find fault with the show, though there are definitely things I’m not so inclined to. This is more of what I noticed and think things mean and it’s something I’m doing for fun. Anyways, here's my thoughts on episode 2 my loves.

Episode 2: THE VARIANT

Pre-title scene

Miss Minutes’ monologue in the recap is different to the one last ep.

1985 Oshkosh, Wisconsin

C-20!

“Today’s guest performances” on a board. Don’t really know if it means anything tho.

The Iconic (TM) I Need A Hero scene.

Pony.

The green tent - the lair of Loki.

I know not everyone’s a fan of the lighting, but it made sense to me. They’re still in the dark about who Sylvie is.

Why does C-20 take off her helmet? For the drama?

I hope Sylvie cleaned her blade. Narnia taught me well.

The Time Samsung (I can’t remember what it’s called right now) says that the date’s 04/12/1985.

Loki’s first mission (?)

‘Volume 26’ - how many of these does Mobius have?? #giveMobiusajetski

“ONLY at your LOCAL AUTHORIZED DEALER” - subtext about the TVA being control freaks? Jet ski safety?

I googled Wake Magazine. They’re up to volume 20 from what I saw, whilst Loki is reading volume 26, so I guess that’s something

Loki and Miss Minutes lmaooo.

Behind Loki’s elbow is the taxidermy something from the last episode. Also confirms that Loki threatened Casey at Mobius’ desk lol.

The thing has an egg?? What the hell is Mobius collecting? (He’s a Harry Hart variant lmao).

There are little twitches in Miss Minnutes’ hands. That’s so cool!

The egg timer’s a nice easter egg (I’m a comedian).

Mobius! B-15! :)

Is it just me or do the minutemen look similar, but not exactly the same. Makes sense if they’re variants.

I just realised the lights are built into the ceiling. Whoops.

What’s Mobius’ favourite?

Couple of things:

The racks full of identical uniforms/ones just hung up on doors.

The music has started to pick up the pace, but not in the way we see later on in the episode.

There’s a sign saying ‘FARE THEE WELL’ on it. Google tells me that it’s ‘used to express good wishes on parting’. Dang that was some good foreshadowing!

The person that looks like Agatha is still present.

I wonder whether it was supposed to be colder or whether the weather was just like that when they filmed.

The pony’s still around.

I think B-15 certainty that “a Loki couldn’t have gotten the jump of C-20” comes from her experience with them. She constantly tries to make it clear that because she’s not a variant, she’d know Loki better than he would, which (personally) makes the revelation that she’s a variant feel more devastating.

Again with the lighting, they’re still in partial darkness, constantly moving in and out of the light. Whilst what Loki says about the variant setting a trap is true, it isn’t in the context that he says it. Sylvie whoops their asses later.

The black and red-orange flags remind me of tomb markers. It’s a stretch, ik.

B-15 only has tally marks on one side of her helmet.

Mobius has fake pockets in his suit jacket. They’re the worst.

The ticking increasing in tempo as they approach red line - great for setting up tension.

I believe that Loki uses personal space like a weapon - slowly approaching them from the front, and then going behind Mobius’ back when he wants his way. It would make anyone uncomfortable, especially on a subconscious level because there’s a threat behind you.

Or maybe it’s that I have different personal space boundaries, not everyone likes being approached from behind. Loki’s movement felt intentional at least.

Getting Mobius to physically turn his way because of that might have been very subtle manipulation?

Loki looking back and forth trying to judge their reactions lol.

I liked the music in this scene, it sets up tension for Loki’s first attempt at betraying Mobius but then doesn’t completely dismiss it when it’s resolved.

Ravonna Renslayer’s office

The music here is 18 morceaux, Op. 72, No. 2. Berceuse. 18 morceaux, Op. 72: No. 2, Berceuse (Arr. For Theremin and piano) by Clara Rockmore for anyone that’s curious. I found out through Natalie Holt’s Twitter (I think).

The score is, and always will be, perfection.

Mobius’ small talk amuses me.

“Why do you get to keep all the trophies from my cases in here, you don’t think I’d love having that roller skate?” Mobius, what about the thing on the shelf behind your desk????

Ravonna seems like she’s answered these questions before, but she has a fondness for him that makes me think they’re good friends.

Also does Ravonna have multiple complete collections of the Encyclopaedia Britannica in her office? What are those books??

“I hope it’s a double.” Me too Mobius, me too (drink responsibly).

I don’t get how people think Mobius doesn’t remember leaving the stains. It sounded like Ravonna was chiding him for a bad habit and Mobius just made up a remark, not confusion.

Although he does place the cup at a different spot to the rings.

The ship flying past in the windows is a wonderful detail.

“The variant likes to stall for time.” It's very satisfying to me how everything stays relevant. Every detail advances the plot/contributes to it.

“Look, I know you have a soft spot for broken things.”

“I don’t think so-”

“Yes you do.”

Both Mobius and Ravonna only look at the middle figure when referring to the time Keepers. Either the other two are side-lined or don’t contribute at all.

“I’ll delete him myself.” At this point in time, I think Mobius is serious. As the episode progresses, his status may have changed, especially after the Jet Ski philosophy session.

Ravonna’s sash on the peg reminds me of the ones the people talking to Casey were wearing in episode 1.

Man those doors are so cool.

Peak sitting outside the principal’s office energy.

Mobius whistles at Loki as opposed to talking to him like he does later.

Any screen shot from the following scene is pristine chaotic disaster bi Loki energy featuring tired-of-your-tomfoolery Mobius.

“Isn’t that precisely why I’m here?” This marked a change in Loki to me. Up until that point, he’d tried to use what he’d known, who he’d been by scheming his way to the Time Keepers. By admitting he wasn’t sure of his purpose, we’re back with the person at the end of the last episode. It’s very Loki to try all avenues to get what he wants, and after having his world turned upside-down a few times in a short period, maybe he just wanted the familiarity of his old tricks, who he thinks he is.

Loki tensing up and then trying to assert control again reaffirms what I just said.

Man, give Mobius a holiday after all of this. Loki really tested him, huh?

Loki definitely likes validation on some level.

TVA archives (a.k.a the Salad Scene)

I can’t believe that place really exists. The looks combined with the music are just *chef kisses*.

I’m not sure if I’m thinking of the right progression, but the music reminds me of a plagal cadence. Google examples and play it side-by-side, you’ll get what I mean, maybe someone knows what it really is?

On either side of the elevators near the Time Keeper statues are the signs TVA archives.

The symmetry pleases my goblin brain.

I believe the entire show was just flexing the skills of the Loki crew and I couldn’t be happier.

“Pretend your life depends on it. I’m gonna get a snack.” This was so funny in the trailers but Mobius is dead serious (delete him myself comment). And he couldn’t even enjoy his salad.

Love that the end of credits takes from some of the scenes in episode 2.

The archivist has neat glasses.

I want some TVA stationary y’all.

It’s that moment fam.

I can’t be the only one curious by the ‘DISPLACED by 000:000:002:162’. Is that in Units? It would explain why the time line looks slightly bendy whenever we see it, especially if Apocalypses are so frequent.

IT’S THE SALAD LADS!

Mobius is reading the magazine that Loki was looking at earlier. Jet skis are Mobius’ comfort character.

“Don’t set fire to the palace.”

Tom Hiddleston has so much energy, he can move so fast.

“Oh God.” - Mobius, Null Time Zone

“YOU.” - Casey, Null Time Zone

Casey!

No thoughts, head empty, the Salad (TM).

But seriously, people only seem to be at their tables with others that work in a similar section. Not hunters and analysts eating in tandem to me, folks.

Oh Casey. Please don’t hurt him.

Aw, Mobius’ little giggle warmed my heart. Owen Wilson’s giving me whiplash with Mobius. My heart can’t take this y’all.

79 AD Pompeii, Italy

They’re both so giddy, Your Honour, I love them.

Mobius snuck them out lol.

“Bird noises?”

“BE FREE MY HORNED FRIENDS, BE FREE!” The post wouldn’t be complete without this.

Loki just throwing food at people and telling them “...enjoy your last meal while you can” is top tier comedy to me.

This is the first time we see Loki openly say nothing matters. I feel like the case file on the destruction of Asgard really pushed him to treat fate as unchangeable.

LXXIX is 79. Nice one Loki crew!

Mobius’ eye twitching as he checks the variance is a nice touch.

Loki throws away the stick that was holding the goat pen closed at the end.

TVA Archives, TVA cafeteria

Mobius picked up those files so smoothly I had to re-watch it.

Their position reflected what they were talking about - when Loki thinks it’s his individual contribution, he’s walking separately to Mobius, but they meet up when working together. I loved the blocking in that little moment.

I seriously thought that Loki was unconscious when I first saw him asleep around Mobius. I’ll admit it, it felt out-of-character for someone with such bad trust issues. Both of them seem pretty tired tho.

It’s the Jet Ski conversation comrades!

I’m beaming. Mobius talking about Jet Skis was the only time I’ve really remembered it’s Owen Wilson talking. It’s such a fun line to think about!

Loki’s smile. Adorable.

Just go watch the scene, it’ll give you good brain juices.

Mobius does it all for the Jet Skis and nothing else. I don’t make the rules, the Time Keepers do.

“My own glorious purpose.” This is a recurring theme in the season. Ultimately, I think that Loki is going to run for as long as it brings in money/until Loki gets killed again. However, I do like to think that in following seasons we’ll move beyond setting up Phase 4 Marvel stuff and just get deep dives into Loki’s character, though it may happen in the later eps or not be as interesting. Part of what made this show so interesting is the new setting in the Marvel universe but it’s hard to make predictions as to whether it will last in a show featuring the God of Mischief. Whatever happens, I’m happy that we got to see Loki’s existential crisis together, lads.

The music picks up, signalling that this quiet moment is about to end.

“No one bad is ever truly bad. And no one good is every truly good.”

“Scared little boy.”

These lines mean a lot to me. Loki perceives Mobius as an equal, similar to himself but not completely identical. The TVA’s whole aesthetic is Kafkaesque (Disney+ used that word), the imperfections keeping the place from looking mechanical and orderly like what the TVA promotes itself to be. Loki wants Mobius to acknowledge it, but Mobius is in the past, not addressing what’s right in front of him, surrounding him. That’s probably because Mobius doesn’t believe, he accepts what he’s been told though Loki wants to change that. He’s still focused on his job, the variant. I don’t think Mobius will struggle against change in the ‘belief’ part as long as things are rational.

Kate Herron (director) said that the Kablooie scene was improv which makes me wish we had more B roll of Owen and Tom. They seem so professional, invested and fun on set.

“No wonder you’re so bitter.” I’m sorry Mobius you sound as salty as your salad.

‘Artificially flavoured chewing gum’ Has something happened causing artificial flavouring to be preferred?

‘Blue’ has canonically changed to ‘Bloo’ by 2050 in America in the MCU. I blame capitalism.

Why does Mobius look so tiny? I say that like Owen Wilson wouldn’t look like a giant next to me lol.

Owen Wilson is 3.5 inches (9 centimetres) shorter than Tom Hiddleston. Yet he is dwarfed as Mobius. I need to stop talking about this and move on.

There’s no ‘variance energy detected’ line in the report.

“You’re gonna take my job if I’m not careful.” Loki looks so chuffed.

One day, I’ll properly address my thoughts on the shipping. Until then, I just want no one to die.

“Yeah, he’s doing great.” Mobius is so hyped. Good for him.

Owen Wilson has dimples.

Ravonna’s screen doesn’t show the timeline like it does later.

Ravonna is the done mom friend. Sane, undeserving of this, please give her a jet ski moment.

Buckle up folks because the last twenty minutes of this episode are my favourite so far.

At 34 minutes in, we get the music fading in with “Okay. But Mobius...” and a transition to my favourite composition so far. Natalie Holt outdid herself. The soundtrack is nearly constant, there’s no break for a moment of clarity anymore. The progression of events is inevitable, tying the bow on a plot line created in an hour and a half. The little embellishment from the strings (possibly) as Mobius and Loki exit is perfect. Combined with Loki’s raised fist leading to a pan to the ceiling, it prepared the audience for everything being turned upside down.

The changing camera angles and shot lengths (the continuous shot when B-15 takes the knives, the circling behind as the briefing occurs) keep viewers on their toes. The continuous shot is fluid, B-15 doesn’t look at Loki or Mobius, her reaction is natural and that just proves that the timing on that scene was impeccable. The circling behind reminded me of Loki positioning himself behind Mobius as he did earlier, but now he’s on the same side, part of the team though he continues to distinguish between himself and the variant. The building sensation that change is coming is met by the incredible swell in the music as we watch the picturesque Haven Hills get destroyed by modern technology and face the terrifying reality that is the Roxxcart store. There’s a close up on the Roxxcart storefront with school buses with the words ‘Evacuation shuttle’ in the background as we see the TVA’s minutemen come out reinforcing that even when the end is nigh, large corporations will loom over. A storm is raging with worse to come. I can go on and on, but you get the point.

2050 Roxxcart Disaster

I love that y’all are calling this the Alabama supermarket breakup. Makes me chuckle, that’s for sure.

I too hate when people can hear my footsteps. Someone that gets the struggle.

Sylvie places the TVA Samsung over a Roxxcart Security manual. She’s overridden both and is in control.

The date is 03/15/2050.

I think that the way the Hunters and minutemen hold their baton things is so that they don’t get yeeted. Neat.

As always, the beats are slick yo.

I hope the Azaleas guy gets some Azaleas wherever he ended up.

I love the way Loki says “In this storm.” It’s so satisfying for no real reason.

The wonderful Wunmi Mosaku does not get the recognition she deserves for this scene. She switched from B-15 to Sylvie so effortlessly. They’re two distinct characters, her facial expressions, body language everything changed in that instant. Even from the one line, “No, they usually survive,” her delivery had changed in a way that was noticeable. It’s uncanny, exactly what was needed when facing a foe that remained unseen. And the smile? It’s before we know the variant as Sylvie, so naturally it’s that signature Loki smile with a hint of malice we associate with the variant. Damn y’all, Wunmi’s incredible! I really hope she’s recognised for being so talented in this series, if not in all her other work!

Mobius really cares about those people. I really want his redemption (?) arc.

It’s been pointed out that even in those conditions, Roxxcart were selling blankets and water. I think it means that by 2050, cash would be defunct. If only electronic payment existed, as long as there’s electricity they can run a business. Chew on that.

If the man they speak to is 50 to 60, he was a 90s kid.

There must be a difference in the reprogramming or kind of variant selected to be a hunter as compared to an analyst. The Hunters look after their own, but the analysts (or Mobius) go as far as empathising with variants.

C-20 is sitting in front of safety standards.

“A bit amateurish.” Loki knows that the variant isn’t as skilled with magic as he is.

As Loki and the possessed people walk, the lighting becomes brighter. He’s moving out of the shadows.

Me too Loki, I’m worried about B-15 too.

Sylvie unironically saying bless is hilarious.

Randy must be hella tall.

There’s a low angle shot as Loki and Randy face off with the flickering light above with a sign hanging above them like a sword of Damocles and a physical separation. Terror is nearly constant in Loki's life now, but he responds by letting go of his drive to survive.

The subtle swells in the music just add to my rising blood pressure.

C-20’s voice over is sad lads.

“I wanna go home,” we know she’s not referring to the TVA.

Mobius seems like a caring person.

When B-15 sits up and searches the room, I think it’s her realisation. Her shiver was from fear and shock, the music wasn’t about her not seeing Loki, it was about the TVA and what had happened to her.

The head snap and the score timing matching. So satisfying.

“I would never treat me like this. Hi.” I think that’s Loki realising that his foe is not willing to talk their way through conflict.

This fight scene contradicts all the magic we see later ik, but if he didn’t want to hurt anyone and was trying to draw out the real enemy it made sense.

Some of Sylvie’s powers must come into the people she possesses. The guy punched a glass screen and didn’t even bleed.

“I have shit to do.” Sylvie wasn’t raised with court etiquette (from what we know) and her lexical choice reflects that.

Dell computers survive into 2050 in the MCU. So do those robot dogs and Roombas. I am only happy about the Roombas. Where did the real dogs go? :(

“Mobius.”

“Where is he?”

“I lost him.”

“What happened?”

“I...”

Until now, B-15’s delivery has felt slightly rhythmic, like she was used to having the same arguments, particularly with Mobius. When she trails off however, I think it’s her trying to rationalise what she’s been through with Sylvie’s possession. Her devotion to the TVA was rooted in the fact that she wasn’t a variant, her life had a purpose and it was intentional. This must have rocked her, I’m invested in where she’ll go.

THE CUT TO BLACK OH GOOD GOSH.

Sylvie, my queen. I’d roll off a cliff for her.

The person with the moustache (you know the one) has pure fear on his face.

Ravonna knows what’s up.

And so do you, yes it’s the music, go listen to it.

THE RED LIGHTING

The zoom out to that incredible hallway shot and then stopping behind the time door. It was never about him after all, he was in the background of her plans.

Sylvie’s wave in Roxxcart vs. Loki’s on the train. Discuss.

The blackout, thunder and Loki’s pause under the flickering red and white light, do y’all really want me to talk about the s y m b o l i s m????

He’s conflicted, you know it, I know it, Mobius knows it.

Speaking of Mobius, there he is, we cut back to Loki and see him make his decision, zooming back in on him.

And with that final flourish in the score, we are done with episode 2!

Cue the most amazing end credits score you’ll ever hear.

Do yourself a favour, listen to all of it, including the part after the main credits, both are Works. Of. Art.

Ep 2 review

In case you didn’t notice, this is my favourite episode so far. There are parts I didn’t take to as much, but details from the previous episode being used in the plot as well as others being explained by Sylvie in episode 3. Rewatching it was easier than episode 1 though it left me wanting more. It will get more interesting from here, but until then, that was a fun romp.

See y'all next time. I hope whoever's reading this has a wonderful day!

Part 1, Episode 1 extend review link:

#spoilers #loki review #Loki spoilers #my respect for people that write scripts/analysis of any kind has increased immensely.#opinion #things i've noticed #sorry if they're not original #b-15 deserves love #the analysts (mobius) the hunters the minutemen casey every one of them deserves love #here's to everyone who worked so hard and put so much into this series #WUNMI MOSAKU IS AMAZING #I love Ravonna #It's great

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mariamermaid · 5 years ago

Text

Dangerous Woman

Detective Loki X Female Reader

Summary: When a huge case involving a serial killer evolves, it is decided to add a federal agent from the FBI. Detective Loki doesn´t seem very happy about the newly found support….

Words: 8.3k

Warnings: violence, graphical terms, smoking, drinking, swearing

A/N: Inspired by the song Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande and this turned out so much longer than expectedXD

---------------

The matt black Camaro parked right in front of the rather small police station, located in Pennsylvania.

“Look likes your new partner has a good taste in cars”, a deputy snarked and the other officers interrupted in casual laughter. David Loki didn´t seem impressed.

He silently hated the fact that the partner he was signed up with was into posh cars, he probably was some kind of asshole from the higher ranks, thinking he was better than everybody.

Almost the entire police station was glued on the window, waiting for the Agent to step out the car. There wasn´t much information provided from the FBI; special agent Y/l/n, was in the army, Afghanistan and Iran, Sergeant first class, trained sniper, one of the highest kill rates…

Degree in criminal psychology, black belt in taekwondo and karate…

To sum up; a storybook career.

Loki waited in the back of the station, leaned against the small kitchen counter, a freshly poured coffee cup in his hand. From the back he could still look at the window and wasn´t half as conspicuous.

Then the door finally opened, a dark boot stepped out first, then everybody´s jaws dropped.

Agent Y/l/n, was a woman?

You wore boots, a simple pair of jeans and your favorite leather jacket, which held you warm in the foggy state. You were stupid if you hadn´t realized the station watching you, so you made sure to give them a show. You already guessed that you had to deal with some kind of sexist assholes, you always had to in your job. But you never missed an opportunity to show them wrong, you were highly qualified and you took your job very seriously. Especially when it involved a multiple case of brutal murder and a possible serial killer.

Don't need permission

Made my decision to test my limits

'Cause it's my business, God as my witness

When you walked into the police station, half of the officers were still standing at the window, the other half had hurried back to the desks to act unobtrusive casual.

You walked over to the very first desk, where a young deputy was seated, he already blushed when you approached.

“I´m here to see a Detective Loki”, you stated and shyly the deputy looked up to barely hold eye contact with you.

“Miss, I think you got lost, this is a police station.” Another officer, Loki knew him well, interrupted your conversation. He was older than Loki, been there longer but Loki had solved more cases and all of them successful. He and Johnson didn´t get along very well, he was an idiot. He didn´t treat women right, cheated on his girlfriend multiple times and if Loki didn´t know it better, Johnson had hit her as well. But he was highly respected, grew up in the town and just like that, he was able to gloss over the incidents with women.

He already wanted to put his cup down, to get the young woman away from Johnson, when she pulled out her badge.

“Special Agent, Y/l/n, FBI”, she visibly rolled her eyes, Johnsons jaw dropped again.

“You´re…” He couldn´t finish, you didn´t let him.

“I`m here to help investigate a murder, so if you don´t mind, I would appreciate it if you showed me to Detective Loki, before another dead body turns up.”

The police station fell silent, nobody ever talked like that to Johnson, sometimes Loki did, but he stopped bothering a long time ago.

It was until Loki cleared his throat and joined your small group, the cup still in one of his hands.

“You´re looking for me”, he explained and his free hand reached out. You shook it and noted the strong grip, but not too strong really. He realized that you still looked young, younger than him even, especially considering the pile of titles you had already received.

“Y/n, Y/n Y/l/n.”

“David Loki.” You both nodded at each other with mutual respect and relieved that you didn´t have to put up with Johnson anymore longer, you followed Loki to his desk.

His desk was located in the back of the station, shielded from the rest by some thin walls. Two other desks were in the cube, only one of them had a computer.

“This one´s yours”, he nodded towards the one with the computer. At the wall were pictures hung up, a few notes next to them.

You eyed them closely until Loki held up a file to you.

“Three dead bodies in two weeks, two women and one man. The women were killed by poison and after their, what seemed painful, death, were put into gruesome poses.

You starred at the pictures in horror; the first woman, she barely seemed twenty, was hung from the ceiling right above a white, king sized bed with golden details. The rope was attached to her hands, she was naked and around her mouth was a gag bit. At the wall behind her was writing in red: “No legacy is as rich as honesty”.

“Shakespeare”, you murmured more to yourself than to Loki. He still nodded.

“It´s seems to be a theme”, he handed you more pictures from the second woman.

She was naked as well, bruises covering her body, sat on a simple wooden chair. Her legs were spread and a dark blue color was smeared from her inner legs to the floor, where it spelled: Lawless are they that make their wills their law.

Your breath hitched; “Was she…?” Loki shook his head quickly, understanding.

“No, none of them were raped. The woman had traces of needle injections at their arms, the man on his neck.”

Loki watched you process, your eyes racing through the files, your bows furrowed and your nose slightly twitched.

“The man was found just yesterday, I haven´t been to the murder scene yet”, he further explained and you laid down the files on your desk.

“Then what are we waiting for?”

Loki almost jumped up from his chair, grabbing his jacket. You quickly glanced at his figure, he was taller than you, a muscular build with broad shoulders. His hair was sleek back, on his neck was a tattoo of a star, and on his fingers was ink as well. Around his torso was the holster with the gun. He had icy eyes and dark brows.

You had to admit, he was attractive.

When you walked through the station behind him, you could feel the eyes lingering on you.

“You drive, you know the vicinity better than me”, you stated and already followed him to his car.

***

The corpse was still lying on the ground when you arrived. Two men were just about to lift the body away, when you stopped them from doing so.

“Leave him be!” You ordered and almost sprinted out of the car, Loki right on your tail. He noted your fast sprint, keeping it in mind.

You both took out the badges, then entered the closed off location.

Loki was handed a file from an officer and read it out, while you took a closer look at the body.

“Ben Brown, age; 31, worked at the library, described as a shy, but polite neighbor.”

He realized how you barely listened and then stopped reading, to join you as well.

You were leaned over the body, your fingers in rubbery gloves, you slowly searched the body.

His collar was squashed right where the needle at gone into this skin.

Bruises around the neck as well.

“He fought against it, he tried to get away.” You figured and Loki looked at you, almost surprised, his eyes squinting.

“How´d you know?”

“The collar, it´s dry, but it´s been raining for two days, he grabbed the coat to leave the house. He was surprised by the killer. And the needle at the neck was brutally pushed into the skin, you see the coloring around the neck and the wrists, he was held down. It needed to go quick, the women were all tied when the injection came.”

You were good, even David had to admit, but he would never admit it openly.

“His watch, expensive, probably a present, with the salary of a librarian he couldn´t afford that.”

“There is nothing said about his family, they weren´t close. No girlfriend.” David added until you suddenly jumped up from the ground to look at the color on the wall.

“It´s blue? The same as from the second murder?” You asked and Loki nodded.

“Seems like it.” Detective Loki wasn´t one to share his thoughts, but you were quick to analyze and he knew that it would help the case. It was all that mattered.

“Be or not to be, that is the question”, you read out the quote, then going back to biting your lip.

You both starred at the wall in silence until you suddenly turned again to rush towards Loki´s car.

“Where are you going?”

“We. We are going to the library.”

Start what I finished

Don't need no hold up

Taking control of this kind of moment

I'm locked and loaded

Completely focused, my mind is open

***

Loki took the statement from the other librarians, but none of them knew too much about Brown, he was quiet, ordinary.

In the mean time you had sat down at the computer and your fingers quickly tipped away. Loki seemed annoyed by the tone of the keys, mostly because you were able to work so fast and he himself wasn´t good with computers.

When Loki was finished and he then looked over your shoulder; you searched through the data base for several books from Shakespeare.

“Andy Williams, within four months he read every book that is available here.” You rose and almost bumped into Loki, who was closer than you had expected. For seconds you felt his breath hitting you skin and his eyes starring at your close face.

“Sorry”, you mumbled while he led back to his car.

“You know where Andy´s living?”

“No, but I´ll find out on the way.”

Andy Williams was a failure, he had an alibi for the times of the murder, but you didn´t fully trust him.

He was at the army and turned out to be a literature lover. You had found several books from Shakespeare and other famous authors in his house.

Now you and Loki both sat at your desks, looking through the files, searching for something, anything really.

When a knock appeared, Loki´s head snapped from the computer to see Johnson leaning at the wall.

“Thought I could ask, if you needed some help”, his statement was obviously aimed towards you, but you didn´t even look up.

“You know, Loki is…” Johnson lunged out to toss some kind of insult about Loki, but you interrupted his miserable try, without looking up.

“Detective Loki is fully capable of investigating this case and highly qualified, if I may add.”

You explained nonchalantly, then you finally looked up to stare into Johnsons angry eyes.

“But if you want to help so badly, you could bring us some coffee, please.” Your voice dripped bittersweetly, Loki couldn´t help but grin.

“I have some milk with it, you David?” Loki noticed how you had suddenly used his first name and he wasn´t used to the sound, yet…

“Black”, he answered and watched how Johnson left the office, angrily starring at him. He followed your order, after all you were sent by the FBI.

Your eyes faced the computer again, but you felt how Loki still starred at you.

“He doesn´t like it when somebody talks to him like that.”

“I don´t care what he likes.”

“You think I´m highly qualified?”

You stopped and glanced at him, the hint of a smile was still on his lips.

“You solved all of your cases, why shouldn´t I think so?” But then you offered him a smile as well.

“Don´t let it go to your head.”

***

Andy Williams had lied, he did have a date, but that ended at 8.30pm when he left the parking spot from the Italian restaurant, alone. You had found the tape of the security camera, which showed him driving away.

“8.30? Gives him enough time to drive to drive over to Browns house and kill him.” Loki thought out loud and you nodded in agreement. The rain was still pouring and the constant sound of the windscreen wiper calmed you down. You sat in his car again, eyeing Loki from the side and the star tattoo on his neck.

“Like what you see?”

You almost chocked and quickly faced the street again, Loki smirked.

“He didn’t wear a dog tag.”

Loki glanced over to you, now being serious again. “What?”

“Williams didn´t wear a dog tag from the military, I barely know anybody who doesn´t wear theirs.”

“Do you wear yours?”

You pulled the necklace out from your shirt and Loki looked at it for a few seconds. It was only a half.

“Where is the other half?”

You chuckled lowly.

“Broke off when the bullet hit me.”

“You were shot?”

You nodded, now looking out the window, avoiding his eyes.

“Yeah, almost died. The tag saved my life.”

He didn´t ask more, knowing well that there were some things not to talk about- at least not while he didn´t know you better.

It was your turn to ring the bell, but even after waiting for some minutes, nobody answered. Loki already sighed annoyed; you rang the bell again, now longer.

“Mr. Williams, Detective Loki and Agent Y/l/n, we have a few more questions”, you explained loudly, but still nothing even moved inside the house.

Loki and you both drew your guns, exchanging looks. His eyes scanned your face, asking if you were ready and you were.

Loki looked down at the door and kicked it up, then he entered first. You followed him, aiming at the opposite’s direction, to ensure that you had all sides covered. Your back brushed against his, even though it was a good sign, showing you, he was there to have your back as well, it made your flesh crawl. A wave of warmth running through your body.

All that you got

Skin to skin, oh my God

Don't you stop, boy

“Mr. Williams?” Loki yelled, louder, deeper than you. Together you made your way through the house, until you entered the kitchen, nothing was yet suspicious.

Sadly, you heard the rumble from the separated chamber too late, Andy Williams aggressively pushed the door open, hitting you hard. You fell back and Andy jumped over the table to run through the back door.

“Go!” It was all you could get out, but even before, Loki was already on his tail. However, he had glanced down to check if you were okay.

Williams was fast, Loki wasn´t sure if he´d get him.

In the meantime, you pulled yourself together, and left the house through the front door. You felt how blood ran down from your nose and you swore to yourself for not having reacted faster.

Loki hunted him through backyards of various neighbors. It was until he climbed over a high wall, that Loki took a little longer to get over. When Williams wanted to turn the corner back to the main street, you jumped out. Loki just lunged down the stone wall, right next to the large dumpsters, when you threw you first punch at him. Your hand hit him at the throat and he heavily coughed. Williams was completely taken by surprise, but changed into fight mode. He tried boxing you several times, but you blocked them all. With the last punch you took his arm, twisting it and then throwing him over your shoulder.

He landed hard on his back and while he was still lying down, you used precise movements to quickly handcuff him. Loki drew his gun again. It was his luck that there was no time, otherwise you would have noticed the impressed look in his face. But you did notice it.

“Andy Williams, you´re under arrest.”

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman

Somethin' 'bout you

Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't

Somethin' 'bout you

***

A cooling pack landed in your lap and surprised you looked up to see Loki entering the office.

Your forehead had taken most of the door, which had hit you and even though it hurt like hell, it wouldn´t be more than a bump. The blood from your nose and your right eyebrow had stopped bleeding, having mostly dried. You were just rubbing it off.

To your surprise, David didn´t stop approaching until he leaned down to inspect your eyebrow. His thumb carefully brushed against your skin and you flinched.

Abruptly he took his hand back, just then realizing as well how close he had gotten.

“Doesn´t look like you need stitches”, he mumbled and sat back down at his desk. You only nodded, feeling a little stiff.

After a short break, you cleared your throat to change the topic.

“I went through his computer; Asian Porn. He downloaded it that evening and forgot to delete the history.”

“Is that an alibi?”

You shrugged. “Technically he could have driven home, started the download and then go to Brown´s.”

“Seems unlikely.” “But not impossible, we should interrogate him now.”

You wanted to stand up, but Loki shielded you from the door.

“You´re hurt.”

“I´m fine!” You exclaimed angrily.

“I´ll do it.”

You hated how stubborn Loki suddenly acted, but still you waited in the room on the other side. The one-sided mirror allowed you to watch Loki and a few machines to your left, recorded everything.

“Tell me, where were you that evening?” Loki asked as he walked around the table, where Andy sat handcuffed.

“You already know everything!” Andy Williams exclaimed loudly, the handcuffs ringing against the table. He was clearly panicking. Then Loki suddenly grabbed him by the collar. You gasped in surprise, you hadn´t expected Loki to become violent and it shocked you.

Without hesitating you hurried into the interrogation room and ripped the door open. Williams fell back on the chair, a fearful expression on his face and you angrily starred at Loki.

“Out!” You ordered Loki with a strict voice; he had gone too far!

“I was just-“, you stepped forward and didn´t even let him speak.

“Detective Loki, I order you to leave this room, now! Or the FBI will have no other choice than taking you off the case.” You warned him in a low voice and he huffed angrily, then storming out the room.

You turned towards Williams, a stressed smile on your lips.

“If you´d excuse my partner, he will no longer talk to you. Can I get you something to drink, water, coffee?” He almost smiled shyly, your presence obviously flustering him.

“Coffee please.”

“What were you thinking?!” You entered the office you and Loki shared, but the thin walls allowed the entire station to listen.

“I was interrogating him!”

“You were threatening him with violence, which is a clear contempt against the law! This could cost your job!” David swallowed, not being able to return an answer or any eye contact.

He wasn´t used to somebody watching over his shoulder, he had lost control a few times in his former case, the dover case with the missing girls. Silent set in and Loki regretted his behavior more than ever, it was just like when he was a teenager and he left the station.

***

The next day a knock appeared on his door, he had fallen asleep on the couch. The smell of cigarettes lingered in the apartment, he felt like straight up shit.

When it was knocked for the third time, he finally opened the door, just to find you waiting.

His eyes widened in surprise and he remembered how terrible he must´ve looked, or smelled.

“What are you doing here?” His brows furrowed even more at your question.

“I could ask you them same”, he mumbled.

“I need a partner”, you finally admitted quietly, your eyes suddenly facing the ground.

“I thought you get me fired.”

“I thought so too, but there is a serial killer out there and I need a good detective at my side.”

David couldn´t imagine what it taken for you to show up at his door. He knew now that he was on thin ice, but for some reason, it felt nice to have somebody at his side. Somebody keeping him at the right level, it was something almost nobody was able to do.

Nothing to prove and I'm bulletproof and

Know what I'm doing

The way we're movin'

Like introducing us to a new thing

You put down the coffee cup on his desk and Loki looked up with tired eyes. An entire week had passed in the meantime, and you hadn´t found any evidence that Andy Williams was the murder, so you had to let him go. You also hadn´t found any other hints or abnormalities, and no new corpse was found. It was a quiet and rather depressive week. No progress in any way.

“Thanks”, he muttered and the circles under his eyes seemed darker than ever. You knew he didn´t sleep enough, or eat enough. You had problems with it as well, it was all too understandable. It was now the sixth night in a row, where David and you were the last ones in the station besides the deputy for the night. Sighing exhausted, you closed the file which you had looked through for what seemed the hundredth time now, and starred at Loki.

“Wanna grab some dinner?”

Your question surprised him, even though you had eaten together few times together now. But never out; you had just sat at your desks, eating in silent, your eyes never leaving your notes.

“Sure, I know this Asian place?” He offered and you nodded while taking your coat as well.

“Sounds good to me.”

You had pushed through the rides between places with silence, but now you sat at the small Asian restaurant, it was just past eleven pm. And the restaurant was emptied.

You had avoided the eye contact for now, while Loki´s eyes hadn´t even left your body once.

“Why did they put you here?”

“Because I´m an Agent?”

“No, I mean why you? I´ve looked through your file, you could work at even higher cases.”

He was right, the FBI was just about to offer you a higher rank, giving you the opportunity to lead your own team. But something about that idea didn´t convince you.

“I don´t know, I´ve thought working for the FBI was good, but I kinda miss this.”

“This?” Loki sounded surprised, the thought that you could miss something like this startled him.

“What could a woman like you miss about this?” He asked and immediately realized how stupid the question sounded. But you interrupted in gentle laughter.

“A woman like me?” He shrugged. “You’re a successful soldier, agent, you even got a degree and all that stuff… You´re…”

“Dangerous. First and foremost, I am dangerous.” You explained and he furrowed his brows. “Those men, they fear women like me. They think we want to take over the control.” You chuckled again and Loki smiled as well. “I can imagine you taking over high roles, leading teams and shit.”

You shook your head, even though you had to admit he flattered you.

“Nah, it´s not really something for me. But I thought so in the beginning.”

“And now?” You shrugged. “I don´t know yet.”

Then the food came, you starred at the fried rice with big eyes.

“That looks amazing!” Loki laughed, something you hadn´t heard often. “Told you so.”

When you walked back to the car, it was pouring again. Loki quickly stepped in front of you, opening the car door for you and his eyes glistening as he barely smiled at you. You smiled as well, brightly into the night, happy about the fact that the rain cooled your cheeks down. But then your smiled suddenly dropped, even before you sat in the car.

“Oh my god!” His smile faded as well and now he let down the jacket, he was using to shield from the rain. “What?”

“We only checked Andy, not the date he was with!”

“But he already explained that it was a rip off, he had met her online and she didn´t even bother to show up.”

“How do you know that for real?”

His mouth also slightly opened and you saw, how his mind started working. You jumped into the car, your finger brushing against his hand, which still laid on the top of the door.

I wanna savor, save it for later

The taste, the flavor, 'cause I'm a taker, 'cause I'm a giver

It's only nature, I live for danger

Serena Jackson, well that was the name that gave the computers from the face scan from her profile picture. An attractive young woman, last residence a few towns away. Luckily, the diner where Andy Williams was supposed to meet her, was opened 24/7, and they gave you the tapes.

Sadly, the video recorder didn´t have the entire diner on tape, a few dark corners were barely noticeable.

“There!”, you leaned closer as Loki paused the tape to lean forward as well. In one of the corners, which darkly laid in the back, sat a woman who could be Serena. A lonely corner table, also hidden by a large plant and the bad lighting. A large sweater, the hood pulled up and only a few strands of hair fell out. “Maybe, it´s not enough for an actual proof.” Loki admitted annoyed, he was right. The face wasn´t clear enough on the monochrome picture.

“We need to check her”, you sighed and your hand ran through your already messed up hair, it was late and the missing sleep was getting to you. Loki watched you in the dimmed light of the cube office, the rest of the station almost completely dark. He blinked a few times.

“We can check it out tomorrow”, he added and threw your coat into your arms. Surprised by his gesture but yet too tired to mention it, you left the station together.

When you reached the parking lot an awkward silence came up.

“I guess we´ll see each other tomorrow?”, you asked unsure and he nodded, not looking at you. You bit your lip, now glancing at the ground as well.

“Try to get some sleep, we´ll both work better then.” He cracked a weak smile and you let out a small laugh. Then you drove back to the motel, where you lived at the time.

7am. and a call woke you up, still tired you reached for your phone next to the bed. The curtains were pulled close, no shutters. The motel was mostly empty, most of the people were there for work, just like you. The day before you had caught a young couple searching for some privacy, you had smiled at them, a nostalgic smile. They had something you always wished for; normalcy.

“Yes?” “There´s another dead body!” You jumped off the bed and started fishing your clothes together. You knew you should be doing the laundry soon, and the thought of a nice shower made you jealous.

“Who is it?”

“It´s not officially approved, but by the looks of it; Serena Jackson.” You gasped and already put on your shoes. “Does Loki know?”

“Already called him, he´s on his way.”

“We should have checked her yesterday”, you sounded annoyed and Loki knew you were right. It only made it worse that it was his suggestion to go home instead. But he also remembered the tired look in your matt eyes; now your eyes were burning furiously.

“We couldn´t have known what happened”, Loki muttered, just loud enough for you to hear.

He was right, but you couldn´t admit that. Not with the sight of a naked, dead woman right in front of you. And Loki accepted it.

All that you got

Skin to skin, oh my God

Don't ya stop, boy

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman

Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you

Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't

Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you

“There must be a connection, a motive!” You exclaimed more annoyed than ever.

“No common friends, family, hobbies.” Loki was seated back at his desk, his legs spread on the chair. He watched as you hurried up and down the office space, he was just as unsettled as you, but didn´t show it.

“But there must be something!”

“Need help now?” You clearly jumped at Johnsons sudden voice and your eyes angrily travelled down his body. Johnson was in his late 40ties, had light brown hair and dark eyes, wore his mustache with disgusting proud and strolled around with his beer belly. There was a certain look to him, not a bad one and it was somewhat imaginable that with a few charming pickup lines, women could fell for him. But something about him deeply disgusted you, you couldn´t really pinpoint it, but your stomach turning at his sight couldn´t be a good sign.

“Maybe you need a real man on this case.”

It was a clear insult towards you and Loki, and you snorted contemptible. But you had to remain calm. At all costs.

You closed your eyes. Took a deep breath in. Counted.

After five breaths, you were somewhat calm. After another five you had left the station.

You hated the fact that the case wasn´t going as smoothly as hoped.

Maybe you could better work under someone´s watch, maybe going solo wasn´t for you after all.

Maybe you could focus better in another environment.

Maybe you could concentrate better if Loki wasn´t as attract…

“Goddammit!” You yelled out and the low stone wall next to the police station, where flowers were placed in the summer, earned a hard kick from your foot.

“Did it help?”

You hadn´t noticed how Loki had followed you and watched you now, trying to avoid the grin laying on his lips. You blushed and immediately kicked the wall again.

“I don´t think we´ll find the killer like that.”

“I don´t think we´ll find the killer if men continue to make stupid comments around here!”

You knew it was his try to make you feel better and you should appreciate it. You had obviously realized how David treated you differently. He remembered how you liked your coffee, how you were allergic to carrots, how you always took notes on everything that was laying around. But you always thought it was because you had threatened to get him fired.

But you needed some time alone now.

Without another word, or even look at him, you sat in the car and drove away. You were sure to feel bad for it later.

On the way to the freeway, you found an old bar. More sordid than anything else, where you could still smoke without any fire alarms. With an old billiard table and photos hanging on the walls.

At this time of day, it was almost empty, a few elderly men in the back, playing poker.

The bartender greeted you politely.

“What can I do for such a gorgeous lady?”

You eyed the liquor card, but then remembered your car outside and the pile of papers from the new corpse waiting for you.

“Just a coke please.”

Bartenders had the wonderful trait to read all of your problems with one look, in a way they were just therapists.

“Hard day?”

The ice cubes in your glass clinked as you took a sip.

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“What is a lady like you doing in a town like this?”

You didn´t answer, instead you took the newspaper laying on the bar counter.

Third woman found dead, serial killer still on loose

“These are hard times”, the bartender added as he watched you read the article.

He was around sixty, long grey locks and a grey beard. He wore an armless leather jacket, on the back embroidery; 89 motor gang.

“I´m here for work”, you finally explained and closed the paper again.

“Work? Hm”, he hummed while taking out a few glasses from the dishwasher.

“Are you a cop?” “Is it that obvious?”

“No, not really. But rumors go around fairly quickly around here.”

“What rumors?” “About this female badass agent from the FBI and how Loki got an eye on her.”

“Detective Loki does not have an eye on me. We´re both professionals.”

“He and professional? He grew up in four different foster homes, that kid was everything but easy. It was his luck that the old sheriff saw something in him.”

Your eyes grew bigger as he talked, but then you leaned over the glass of coke again.

“There is a fourth body, if we don´t solve the case we´ll both be jobless soon.”

The bartender laughed, a light laugh, which echoed in the empty room.

“I´m pretty sure you´ll solve the case. Loki always solves his cases, no matter how hard they are and now after I met you, well you seem very capable of the situation.”

You gave him a weak smiled and put down a ten-dollar bill.

“Keep the rest.”

When you raised from the stool, to put on your jacket again, your eyes fell onto the wall with the pictures. They were made from a polaroid camera, not the new mock offs, the old originals. With monochrome filters in black and white, but they aged to a browner tone. Your finger traced one picture in particular.

“Is that?”

“Serena Jackson, yes. She worked here, almost two years ago before she moved away.”

“Why?”

Your eyes were still glued on the wall and slowly travelled along the pictures.

“There was a… incident. With a man.”

You turned back to the bartender. “What man?”

He shrugged and his eyes pointed back to the wall.

A few pictures away, hidden by newer ones, was a picture of Serena behind the counter. Next to her stood a man; Johnson.

“Were they in a relationship?”

“As far as I´m concerned they were on a couple dates, but Serena wasn´t sold. One evening, when she was working here, he arrived completely wasted. Screamed around how she had apparently cheated on him, I threw him out. Almost lost my ownership- it was ugly, but two weeks later she resigned.

“May I?” You gestured to the picture and after he nodded, you took it off the wall. Your eyes scanned the picture. Serena smiled widely into the camera, Johnson only glanced at her briefly.

In front of the bar, seated on the stool were two girls; the first two victims.

“Do you know these women?”

He shrugged. “They only came here once, or twice. But I can remember; after the fight with Johnson, Serena went onto the toilet and they went after her to comfort her.”

“Did they know each other?”

He shook his head. “No, they were here with different people.”

You already were back on your feet, ready to rush out the bar, when the bartender spoked up again.

“But… the first one, she grew up around here. And the second one was dumped a few days earlier, I remember how she told it Serena, that all men are idiots.”

“Thank you, thank you so much!”

All girls wanna be like that

Bad girls underneath, like that

You know how I'm feeling inside

Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

“Where´s Loki?” You asked hectically, but the young, unexperienced deputy shook his head. He didn’t know. You stormed to your office cube, but he wasn´t there. Then you started searching your files, you needed prove that the women had contact to each other…

You couldn´t find anything, important files were missing. “Fuck!”, you exclaimed and grabbed your phone again. It was only his mailbox. “David? If you get this, call me immediately, I have a lead!” On a napkin from the Chinese food, you had ordered a few days ago, you write down Johnson´s name and laid it next to an empty coffee cup on Loki´s desk. You ran back to the station center. “Where is Johnson?” The deputy furrowed his eyebrows once again and shrugged. “We also wondered, he didn´t come to duty today, but maybe he was too long at the bar yesterday, it happens from time to time.”

“Shit, shit, shit!” You hurried out the station, only glancing down on your phone. David hadn´t called yet. Not it was up to you.

You found Johnson´s house quickly and roughly parked in front of it, adrenalin rushing through your veins. When you reached his door, you already had the gun in your hands. You rang the bell.

“Johnson! Open up!”

No answer. And you didn´t have the patience anymore. The door was old, needed a paint job and at the second try, you had opened it. Starting to search the place. The dark floor smelled like cigarettes, in the kitchen and living room were empty beer bottles. On the coffee table in front of the beige, nidorous smelling couch, laid the files from your office. One moment of not paying attention, something hit your head and you fell to the ground. You robbed trying to get your gun, but Johnson kicked it away and his hands grabbed your throat from behind. You chocked, but then took an empty beer bottle to throw at his head. He fell to the side, which gave you the time to turn around and get up. With your feet you were able to kick his head once again to the side, so that he was thrown to the ground. The gun was too far by now. However, you jumped at him and threw several punches at his face. But then one of his hands grabbed your wrist and he banged his head against yours. You fell back bleeding and a blurry vision. Before realizing what was happening, he hovered again over you. You weren´t ready to give up just yet, but then a needle pinched your skin at your leg. He had giving you a poisonous injection. You wanted to scream or move, but a sudden tiredness over rolled you.

Your head fell back on the dusty wooden floor and everything turned black…

All girls wanna be like that

Bad girls underneath, like that

You know how I'm feeling inside

Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

Loki on the other hand had gone home, but on the way, he met an old friend. Mrs. Dover just came home with her daughter from the grocery shopping. “Detective Loki!” She greeted him lightly and smiled. The now grown girl immediately hugged him around his waist. “Oh hey”, he greeted them rather awkwardly. Mrs. Dover had a tough time behind her and it was admirable, how she had regained normality. “How are you?” He asked politely and she nodded. “We´re good, it was hard, but we´re getting there with each day.” He nodded. “And you? How´s the case?” He scratched the back of his head. “Ehm it´s hard”, Mrs. Dover laughed. “I´m sure you´ll solve it, anyway have a partner now, right?” He couldn’t answer and blushed.

“Yeah, you know the rumors go around quickly here.” She took a break. “You should tell her, if you like her. It´s just some advice.” She smirked and then blinked at him.

He sat back in the car, wanting to drive back home. But the road took him somewhere else..

It was a lake, he had often spent time there in his late teenager days, but almost forget about it. He leaned against the car and just starred at the icy water; the trees slightly covered with first snow. It was beautiful and somehow, he wished, that you were there with him. He wanted to show you this sight, wanted to watch how your eyes grew big and how your smiled formed on your lips. But he was alone. Loki was unsure. He never felt like this before. First, he had thought it was just a simple crush, but it felt different now. The weeks and weeks of work, spent together. He knew you kept it professional, but always hoped to maybe to you out to dinner again.

Then his phone rang; three missed calls.

“Fuck!”

He had forgotten how bad the connection was when heading up to the road into the forest, where the lake was. “David? If you get this, call me immediately, I have a lead!” Then he pressed the call button, but you didn´t answer and he started rushing to the police station.

Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman

Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you

Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't

Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you

You growled in pain, as yet another punch hit your stomach. “You just had to find out!” Johnson explained furiously. You sat tied up to a chair, your mouth covered by an old cloth. You had no idea where you were, it seemed like a basement like room, dark with no light. You had no gun and you were sure that Johnson had destroyed your phone. All you could do was hope for David.

“I didn´t expect much when Loki, that idiot took the case. I mean yeah, he´s okay, but I had all of my traces covered, I lead you right into the direction where I wanted you to go. But then you appeared and you worked oh so rigorously together, being quicker than expected. Brown had seen me, you know?” He walked through the room, feeling every moment of his plan that he showed you so carefully. He wanted you to understand, he was planning on killing you.

“He had seen me, so I had to get right of him. He should’ve been another victim, but you figured out that he was different. And then Serena…” He smiled and hovered over you again.

“Serena made all of this happen…” He began strolling again.

“You know, when she worked in that bar in those damn short skirts, damn, I couldn´t help- How could´ve I known that she´d get pregnant. That damn whore!” You couldn’t help but stare at him and listen in shock.

“I didn´t want that bastard, so I had to put an end to it. She lost the child, after some very unsuspicious pills that I put in her food.” He shrugged as if was nothing. Tears started forming in your eyes, you couldn´t made out why. The pain, the fact that the killer was always right in front of you, that he killed an unborn child.

“That´s when she started planning her revenge, with her new found friends she wanted to make me pay, but those girls had nothing one me. So, I decided to have my fun with, and now, four bodies later, no one knows what actually happened.” He started devilishly grinning. “And now there will be a fifth body…”

Loki had found the napkin and after several tries to contact you, he had taken an armed squad to Johnsons house, but neither he nor you were to be found. There were no signs of the fight anymore, not even the car you had parked was there anymore. He knew the time was running now, he had to find you, alive. The sheriff sighed. “Loki, if it´s actually him, we have no actual, the files are gone and as long as we don´t find Y/n, we have nothing.”

“He has her! And he´ll kill her! If we don´t find her, she´ll be dead and Johnson will be gone!” He screamed and the entire squad flinched. The sheriff remained calm on the other hand. “But we don´t know where he is, he couldn´t be anywhere.” He didn´t yet fully trust Loki that it was Johnson. He had been working at the station for twenty years, he was a good officer, just a bit lazy and old-fashioned, right?

Loki started walking up and down, until his eyes caught the fishing rod. Johnson used to go fishing a lot in the summer, and he remembered that he said something a cabin, close to the lake. It was a perfect hideout.

All girls wanna be like that

Bad girls underneath like that

You know how I'm feeling inside

Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

There were many situations, where you had faced death. But this one was by far the scariest. You just wished and begged for Loki to find you. All you wanted was for him to storm through the damn door. “You know the amount of poison wasn´t enough, sadly. I hadn´t planned to kill you so soon, but that´s okay now. I´ll be gone soon anyway. Mexico, a nice little hut, a good life.”

You were tired, the feeling of the poison was still inside your system, bruises covered your body. There was probably some kind of broken rip, at least it felt like that. But then you heard something and tears started rolling down your cheeks, car tires on the rough ground.

You tried to scream, but the cloth prevented you from doing so, which didn´t stop you know. You tried everything to be as loud as possibly. Johnsons eyes widened. He took a shotgun from the wall and took a staircase up, leaving you alone. It was now or never. There was a table, with your patch, a few empty needles and other tools on it. You took all of your strength and started hoping into the direction of the table. Then shots were fired, it echoed as they came from both sides. But you didn´t stop. When you reached the table, you threw yourself at it with all you had. The table as well as the chair with you on it fell to the ground. Something in your body made a deep crack, when landing on your shoulder and you continued to groan in pain. But a fishing rod had falling off the wall, and landed above you, the hock dangling right for your fingers to grab it. It took several minutes until you were able to cut through the ropes. More shots had been fired on the meantime. Then they suddenly stopped.

“Stop”, it was Johnsons voice. “If you continue, I´ll kill her!”

It was his back up plan, and he knew that Loki would do anything to keep you alive.

But as the silence settled on the floor above you, you were able to completely free yourself and grab your gun. Your steps were weak, the poison still trying to kill you, but you had to get up the stairs. It was at the end of the hall, Johnson was barricaded on the terrace, you saw members of an armed unit outside. Then you saw a figure in the far stepping from the squad, his hands in the air. It was all so blurry and you felt dizzy, but you were sure that it was Loki. He had come.

“Ok, let her go!” You heard his voice, but you didn´t plan on letting Johnson get away.

You stumbled your last steps though the door and outside and fired a last shot at Johnson. Loki had his gun ready and fired two shots right after you. Johnson fell on the ground and several officers immediately approached him and unarmed him. But you barely noticed them, you just stumbled down the few steps of the terrace and collapsed. It was you luck that Loki had ran to you and caught you just in time.

“Y/n? Can you hear?” His voice was so far, and his close face was so blurry. You couldn´t answer and everything became dark…

All girls wanna be like that

Bad girls underneath like that

You know how I'm feeling inside

Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout

You awoke in a hospital; the sun was shining through the curtains. Your eyes scanned the ceiling, then the rest of the environment. Light furniture, a tv hanging on the wall. Then to your left a small table with flowers on it. On a simple armchair was David, his eyes closed as well. You looked so peaceful and you smiled. Just then he opened his eyes as well and immediately stormed to your side. “Y/n! How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

You chuckled and even though, everything hurt, you nodded. “I´m fine.” Loki sighed relieved.

“You found me”, you continued and your voice sounded rough. “Yeah, you had left me a single hint. Johnson´s under arrest, all we need is your statement.” You smiled.

“You solved the case”, he added and you softly nodded. “It was really by accident.” “But you did, it´s all that matters and even without me.” “I couldn´t have done it without you.” He couldn´t help but smile as well.

Yeah, there's somethin' 'bout you boy

“There will be soon a new position for you offered now.” You should have been happy, but you just shook your head. “I won´t take it.” David´s brows furrowed. “Why?”

You smiled and grabbed his collar to pull him down. He didn´t resist and laid his lips on yours. The sound of the sheriff clearing his throat, interrupted your kiss.

“Agent Y/L/N, good to see you awake.” He nodded and Loki wanted to straighten up, but you took his hand and held him next to you. “Feels good as well.” You smiled; David blushed. The sheriff shrugged. “Take your time, get back on your feet, then we can talk. And you Loki”, he pointed at Loki with a serious face. “Take good care of her.”

“I will”.

#david loki #david loki imagine #detective loki imagine #detective loki #prisoners #jake gyllenhaal imagine #jake gyllenhaal #mariamermaidimagine

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