#and just when i think im ready to let go of the trauma... i got this nightmare.

[sunflawyer]

just woke up from a bad dream where i found people on twt mocking my selfship and calling it 'cheating' and 'bland'.

wow, this just brings back my trauma.

awful.

[marsmaximoff]

💔; crimson pain -a different kind of blood

content warning: gn!reader who plays as number 028. (dating) angst. mentions of death, financial struggles, vomit, blood and fainting.

word count: 1935. i got a bit too carried away 😬

author’s note: finally, here it is. i’ve had this idea for so long but the universe wasn’t on my side, it seems. i really wanted to post it sooner 🥲. as always, constructive criticism is welcomed, and i apologize for the mistakes (english is my third language). oh, and tysm for the support on the jun-ho headcanons post! what do you mean over 1000 likes? that is insane 🤧🤧. i hope you’ll enjoy this one too. 🩷🩷🩷🩷

the sugary umbrella lays on your shaky hand, under the excruciating yet unmasked gaze of the soldier. once the ‘pass’ is given, you stand up ready to get out of there. “you made it!” the voice of the one that has become the closest thing to a friend you could have in here relaxes you ever so slightly. “i almost didn’t. can’t believe i’m adding umbrellas to my traumas list.” having chosen the hardest doesn't surprise you much, not with unluckiness being a part of your life since you can remember. “well, im just happy you did. i thought the square was simple, but now i feel like we should have just chosen the triangle instead, you know? take a look at the survivors; most of them chose it and….” his words fade as an eerie feeling takes over your body, like something’s wrong. turning around, you’re met with one of them, staring right at you completely stiff, not even holding the weapon, merely some feet away.

“is he looking at us?” he can sense the uneasiness too, it seems. “let’s just go.” you can still feel his unfamiliar gaze on your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.

the doors opening break the silence and the rare calmness of the room. “player 028?” your body freezes completely. a stomach drop follows, and your heart rate skyrockets. no. nonono. you’ve done nothing wrong. is it the dalgona? the figure was perfectly carved out; you made sure of it. are they gonna kill you? two soldiers stand by the entrance, waiting. with a final glance at your friend, who is most definitely thinking the same, you reach the pink guards. you don’t even know what to say, should you beg for mercy? try to stay as cooperative as possible? “be quick.” what? the other one grabs your arm and begins to lead you somewhere. “i-i don’t-” your hands are shaking. “please, i didn’t do anything wrong...” begging it is. “keep. walking.” the words are almost a whisper, tho demanding. a hint of desperation can be heard as well. “okay, okay, ok-” wait. why did those words- no. you’re going crazy. it’s just the anxiety, the fear. 

the stranger takes you to the bathrooms and quickly closes the door. you step back. again. and once more. what now? he wouldn’t shoot you here, right? and why the hell does he look so tense? his hands move to his mask and make it disappear, and with it, the remaining bit of sanity you had.

the nausea from a few seconds ago comes back stronger, maybe you will die today. “jun-ho…” your voice is almost unrecognizable, tho a miracle, given the struggle breathing has become. “what are you doing here?” “i could ask you the same thing.” he’s angry, of course he is, but the hurt in his eyes pains you the most. “no….you need to get out of here.” god. you can feel yourself spiraling. nothing makes sense. “i will. and im taking you with me.” “h-how- when did- i-“ cold sweat has completely taken over your palms. “wait….wait. was it you?…. this morning?” he nods. “i found the damn card they gave you at yours and my brother’s house” what? “in-ho…?” why does everything keep getting worse? “have you seen him?” surely you would remember something like that, “n-no. maybe before the first game…..” you heed your legs’ warning to give up and sit down. “why are you doing this? i dont understand.” it’s not like he could. “they let you out. and you didn’t seek me. you hid yourself. again. i had to learn what was going on from a random man at the station. not you!!” silence between you had never felt this suffocating before, nor the atmosphere so uncanny. “don’t you realize how dangerous this is? they are killing innocent people! haven’t you realized?! 79 have died today. just because of a stupid cookie? what do you think you are doing?! you could have gotten yourself killed! you have no idea how worried i’ve been.” you don’t look at him. this shouldn’t be happening, he wasn’t supposed to find out.

“please, honey. this is insane and you know it. let’s get out of this madness.” the change in his tone of voice is evident, bordering the plea. it’s obvious he’s making an effort to remain calm, to use less confrontational comments. “i can’t.” “yes, you can. we’ll leave the same way i got here, don’t worry. no one will see us.” but you really can’t. you know that well. he sighs, “why didnt you tell me? how could you hide something like this from me? i thought we trusted each other.” 

distress seems to have replaced the blood running through your veins. “i would have helped you, always. i can still do it. if you need money, i’ll give it to you, it’s not a problem.” he keeps going after your negative. “i will. we can find another way-” “there isn't.” “of course there is. i have my savings, we’ll use them. i can ask for a raise. mr kim owes me after all this time. and i could do more hours-”

“its not FUCKING ENOUGH!” the sharpness of your words cuts all over his face. pain flows out, dripping a bloody red. more silence. you could drown in it. well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

“my parents’ house is gonna get seized.” a burning throat accompanies the confession. “i messed up like crazy.” the expected embarrassment doesn’t show up, instead, regret does. “it’s not your fault.” how can he say that? “it is. i got them into this, I'll get them out.” “and you think risking your life here is the only way to do it? thats not true. god, why didn’t you tell me?” you rub your temple. “that doesn’t matter now. you-you need to get out, all this is suspicious.” you are not only trying to avoid the question, the guards could notice at any moment. “i told them you were gonna throw up.” “vomit or not you’re still in the bathroom with a player.” for some seconds, the only noise that can be heard is the shatter of your heart. “honey, listen to me. your parents wouldn’t want this. they don’t even blame you, im sure. how could they ever wish for something at the expense of their daughter’s life?” but the guilt is too heavy, too imprinted on your mind. “it’s not about me. if it were my house, i wouldn’t care, but it’s theirs. i would never forgive myself for not doing anything.” “and there are so many things you could do that don’t need you participating in some psychopaths’ games! do you really not see how dangerous and demented this is? please leave with me.” “jun-ho. think about it. if i ended up here, even after they gave us a second chance, it’s because i want to. no one forced me, and i’m old enough to know what i’m doing.” your replies are getting colder, which you hate. but it’s the only way to make him understand. “besides, they’re all kids' games. they’re easy.” you can only hope he won’t sense your attempt at self-persuasion. “they are shooting people. you could be dead. and i would have never seen you again, or known what had happened.” the urge to cry gets stronger with every word, to dive into his arms and finally feel some sort of calmness, warmth, love.

“i’m sorry that i hurt you, that i made you worry and feel like i couldn’t trust you. but i won’t apologize for being here.” “i don’t want you to apologize. i only want you to get out of here and not die.” his desperation has increased so much it’s swallowed your own distress. “i’ve already won two, i can make it to the end.” you refute. but you read him easily, he is planning to get you out without your agreement, somehow.

“please.” now it’s you that pleads. “if you love me, let me stay.”

his eyes widen, you see them watering. his heartbreak drowns out yours. you are aware you’ve never said anything as painful before. it hurts. more than anything they could do to you here. perhaps you are already dead. “how can you ask me something like this?” maybe you’re desperate, or too blinded by the blame that’s rotting on your insides. or perhaps it’s love. “get out of here. stay safe. and don’t tell the police, jun-ho. don’t even think about stopping the games. i need this, don’t ruin it.” god you don’t recognize yourself anymore. how nice it would be to go back when things were easy. when remorse didn’t control yourself, and you were happy with him. “what do you expect me to do if you die?” “i won’t” “you can’t know that! how can i let the love of my life risk it all when i know i could do something?” understanding such perspective is effortless. if it were the other way around, you too would act like he is.

you approach him for the first time, god how you craved it. your hands cup his pained yet beautiful face and a tear drops. “i missed you.” he says quietly, unable to stay angry at you for long. “i missed you too.” you answer back, wiping the tear. “i missed your face, your voice, your touch. i miss your kisses.” things already ache enough like this, so you give in. the kiss is soft, so fragile, like a bit more intensity would make it disappear. “i love you.” he whispers resting his forehead on yours. “i love you too.”

a knock on the door destroys the illusion. shit. “lay on the floor.” “what?” “lay on the floor”, he repeats, walking towards the door while putting his mask back on, “and play along.” the door opens and the same voice from earlier speaks. “what do you think you’re doing in there?” may that unluckiness give you a rest for some minutes. “she passed out. she was taking too long and not answering back so i entered and found her unconscious.” footsteps grow louder. “player 028…. i don’t remember any health issues on the file… fuck.” you stay as still as possible, it sounds plausible, given the stress. “take care of it, i’ll let the boss know. and don’t take longer.” with that, he exits the room, and you thank his unwillingness to deal with sensitive issues.

sitting back up, jun-ho kneels to your level. “you look good for a faint.” a hint of a smile appears on your face. “are you mad at me?” “i was. mostly worried. i don’t like this at all.” you grab his gloved hands. “i’ll be okay, believe me.” he doesn’t. he can’t. “please, be careful. and think about it. if you change your mind, i’ll be waiting.” you won’t. you wouldn’t let yourself. but you nod. “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i hope you’ll carry that with you. i love you so damn much.” his voice breaks, and you tell yourself it’s time to go back, this conversation can only get more and more devastating for you both. you offer the bleeding and broken pieces of your heart. not meaning to cut him this time. and he takes them. how could he not treasure them? you kiss again. it tastes different this time. like farewell. 

and when you get out of the room, you both know that was the last time you’ll see each other. 

[eomayas]

chasing pavements • hjs

pairing: husband!joshua x wife!reader, parent au

genre: angst, hurt/comfort

synopsis: just reader and joshua being parents

warnings: parental woes, arguments, past childhood trauma, girl-dad!joshua, their child is nameless and is called ‘baby’

a/n: the people asked for dad!shua but nobody said which kind…🤭 anyway this was v random and is very parent-y so beware!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

sighing out a deep breath, you open your eyes and try to make your voice as gentle and even as possible. “i’ve asked you to clean up your mess three times now, baby. i’m not going to ask you again,” you stop stirring the spoon in the pot to look over your shoulder at her. she’s busy dragging her crayons over a coloring page, not bothering to look up at you.

“but im not done!” she whines, bottoms lip jutting out with the beginnings of a tantrum. you tense and and blink a few times as she just whines, tiny hand holding the crayon tightly in her hand. she’s not even coloring inside of the lines, just streaking the colors over the sheet haphazardly.

“dinner is almost ready. clean it up,” you voice is stern, tension in your tone rising as well as in your posture. you grip the ladle tightly in your fist, your other hand braced against the kitchen counter. “if i have to ask you again, then-“ the consequence dies on your tongue at the sound of the lock clicking and the front door opening. she gasps and shoots up from the table, loose crayons scattering across the wood floors.

“papa!” she shouts, running down the hall to greet joshua. you close your eyes and push out a breath from your nose. your jaw is tight as you turn back to face the stove. “look at what i got from school today! oh, and you missed seeing soobin today!”

“yeah? what is it?” he’s pressing a kiss to her cheek as he enters the kitchen, making her giggle when he blows raspberry against her skin. joshua sets her down so she can run to her backpack. “hey, baby.” he says, a hand sliding around to your hip and his lips pressing against your jaw in a greeting.

“hey,” you shrug him off of you and turn the burner down to low heat. “uh-uh, you can show daddy after dinner. go clean up,” you say, stopping her short when she comes back with a paper from school clutched in her hands.

that bottom lip juts out again and her eyes dart over to joshua for help. it only frustrates you more, because all three of you know that she has him in her palm. “well- joshua, stop.” you bark, throwing your arm out to the side to push against his abdomen. “go clean up the table so we can eat dinner.” her eyes well up with tears, and you feel like the biggest asshole in the world for making her cry. you remember a brief moment of yourself as a child and being scared each time your father asked you to do something. he never had to ask you or your siblings more than once—you all found out the hard way—and worry that you’re doing the same thing to her.

she huffs and spins around, her walk mopey as she puts her paper back into her bag and starts to slowly pick up the crayons. you feel joshua start, his hand gently pushing yours away as he makes his way over to her. “i’ll help you, princess,” he says and you grit your teeth.

“joshua, stop! i’ve asked her six times now, she needs to listen!” you’re on the brink of snapping, another word out of him or her is very likely to send you over the edge. it’s rough. the day was shitty from the jump, but you didn’t think it would be this bad by the end.

you expect joshua to at least have your back when you put a number on it, he looks over at you before glancing down at your daughter with sad eyes. “y/n, she’s just a baby.”

“goddamnit, joshua! let me do this!”

and then the dam breaks. her wail ripples through you like an electric current, setting off all of the alarms and signals that let you know your daughter is in trouble. except, you put her in this position, and now your heart has sunk to your stomach. joshua hurries to pick her up, cradling her against his chest and smoothing his hand over her hair. you stay rooted at your place by the stove, ignoring the sting in your nose and the newly formed lump in your throat. joshua shushes her softly like he used to when she was much smaller, but she just keeps wailing.

her cries slice through your heart and shred it to pieces. you want to walk over to her and hold her, tell her that you’re sorry, but you don’t think it’ll help. “baby- i’ve got it,” joshua cuts you off this time, cutting his eyes at you as he keeps trying to console her.

it only frustrates you more, and your anger is misplaced when you spit out, “deal with dinner, then. since you’ve got everything,” and storm out of the kitchen, your heels punctuating the end of the conversation. you fly up the stairs and into your bedroom, kicking off your shoes into your closet.

you stand there, in the middle of the walk-in, with your hands on your hips as you take in deep, shuddering breaths. your vision blurs with tears that you don’t let fall, instead blinking them away as you try to regain control over your breathing. her crying face swims through your mind and you almost forget why you’re so upset. almost. but unlucky for her, you’re not as easily swayed like joshua is.

grabbing a sweatshirt and a pair of pants off of their hangers, you quickly undress from your work outfit, and pull onto the much more comfortable clothes. you shove your feet into a pair of sneakers and push out a breath. her cries echo through the house, and you wince at her gasping breaths. it’s muffled, but you can hear joshua trying to calm her down, though whatever he says makes her let out a piercing wail that makes you flinch. it all feels too much; your guilt, her crying, your frustration at the both of them for different things.

you slip out of the bedroom and move as quickly and quietly as you can down the stairs. you force your eyes away from the kitchen and grab your purse off of the accent table in the foyer, and leave the house without a word.

i’m just like my father.

the thought rang through your head the the moment you pulled out of your neighborhood. it almost brought you to tears, but you managed to keep them in again. and you almost turned back, but couldn’t. you have the harrowing realization that the more you fought to be better than him, you ended up a mirror. it makes your stomach flip and turn, but yet you still don’t turn around.

time is a flat circle.

there’s not a place you’re heading for. you’ve just been driving on the back roads for nearly two hours. the sun set a long time ago, and now the sky is dark and unwelcoming. you should go him, you know it, but facing your husband isn’t something you feel up for at the moment.

turning into a dimly lit convenience store parking lot, you pull into a space and out your car in park. you sigh and lean back against the headrest, shutting your eyes and reminding yourself to breathe. you visualize a square and practice the breathing exercise your therapist taught you. in for four, out for four, her voice echoes through your head. it calms down the storm brewing inside of you and brings you back down. that voice in the back of your head, the one telling you that you’re just like your own dad, gets a little quieter.

your phone buzzes in the cup holder, and you pick it up.

joshua: you don’t have to tell me where you are, just lmk that you’re ok.

you: i’m okay.

you gnaw on your bottom lip, deciding that it’s time to go home. it’s past your daughters bedtime now, and you can guarantee that she’s already tucked in and asleep. at least you won’t have to deal with the both of them tonight.

on your way home, you pass a donut shop that is surprisingly open. you stop and quickly run in. the pastries surprisingly look fresh for 8pm, and order half a dozen of your daughters favorite (chocolate with sprinkles, and maple), before heading to the car to make your way home.

the stress of the day starts to weigh on you halfway home. the morning started out rough; joshua had to go into work early, so taking your daughter was your duty. from the moment you woke her up, she was in meltdown mode. you take the blame for rushing a seven year old, but you let her have juice in her lunch instead of the usual water, so you figured that it evened everything out. but then you were late from picking her up from the after school program she sometimes goes to if neither you nor joshua can pick her up, and she whined about it the whole way home. never mind the fact that your workday was filled with hour-long, unnecessary meetings.

you yawn as you pull into your neighborhood and up to your driveway. you stall in the car for a moment, looking at the dark house in front of you, save for the bright porch light. there’s a chance that joshua has gone to bed, but in your heart of hearts you know that he’s waiting up for you. deciding to just deal with your life, you grab the box of donuts and your belongings, and get out of the car.

you quietly make you way into the house, lightly shutting the front door and locking it behind you. just the sight of the kitchen makes you tense, and when you walk in you’re met with a clean kitchen table and floor, no signs of there ever being a previous mess. you put the donuts away in the fridge to keep them fresh.

with a sigh, you exit the kitchen and start up tje stairs, footsteps light just in case the stairs creak. you step into your bedroom with a quiet sigh, and shut the door. the light from the en suite bathroom shines through the cracked door, and you can hear joshua in there. grabbing some pajamas, you pull on a tshirt just as joshua comes into the room. “hey,” he says, voice soft.

“hi,” you tug the shirt over your head and toss your other clothing items into the hamper. he lingers near the bathroom door with his arms crossed over his chest, watching you as you make yourself busy with little things.

“we need to talk about earlier,” joshua says. you don’t look up at him as you apply hand cream.

you take a moment before responding. “okay,” you breathe out, roughly massaging the lotion into your skin. you hear joshua shuffle on the other side of the room.

“you can’t yell at her like that,” joshua says gently. you sit up and stare across the room at a family photo, blinking a few times.

“i know. but i asked her six times to do something, and she still didn’t even do it. you need to let me discipline her,” you say, finally looking over at him. he uncrosses his arms to run a hand through his hair, letting out a sigh as he does.

“she’s just a baby.”

“she’s seven.”

“she’s a little girl, honey,” joshua says, like that changes anything. you two are usually on the same page when it comes to disciplining her, though she doesn’t really get disciplined because she’s an good kid. you thought he’d understand your frustration today, but he doesn’t and you feel like your back is against the wall.

the fight in you is gone, though a flicker or your earlier anger lights inside of you upon hearing him talk. “okay, and i shouldn’t have to tell her to do something six times. she should just do it the first time,” you say, looking at him pointedly. he pokes his tongue in his cheek, and you know he doesn’t agree with you and is holding back whatever he wants to say. “and, i don’t need you to step in when im trying to teach her something. you need to let me parent her.”

“are you implying that i don’t parent her?” he asks, head tilting to the side. you squeeze your eyes shut and swallow the frustrated groan at the back of your throat.

“i’m not implying anything. im telling you that you need to let me teach her things, without interrupting me. because she’s going to think that she can get out of everything if she looks at you,” you say. joshua purses his lips and looks down at his feet, nodding slowly. “you have to stop babying her, joshua.”

asking him to do that is like asking him to recolor the sky: it’s impossible. one look at her and his entire backbone shatters. it’s sweet sometimes, until you need him to enforce some rules.

“fine, alright? but you can’t yell at her like that. you heard how she cried afterwards,” he says, his voice less gentle than before. you blink at him and drag a hand down your face. you’re ready to put this conversation to bed—nothing feels like it’s going to get resolved tonight. “she was scared, baby. remember that night when i met your dad? she had that same look on her face.” your stomach drops at the memory.

the first time you let joshua meet your dad was also the last time he saw him, until your daughter was born. you were in college, and had only been dating joshua for a few months, but you felt so sure about him. he was the first person you felt so sure about, and it scared you, but you felt like in order for joshua to understand you and to love you, he had to meet your dad. he’d met everybody else in your family, but you were putting off him meeting your dad because of how your father is. the night started out fine, everybody was generally getting along with each other and joshua was fitting in. you were on edge, worried that something would happen so much so that you weren’t able to relax. you were running around trying to help your mom with the kitchen, be a good host to joshua, and avoid pissing off your dad.

and then it happened. you can hardly recall the reason now, since you’ve really tried to block it out of your memory, but you forgot a dish, or burned something that he wanted in particular, and he flipped out. you were in your twenties, so you didn’t have a problem standing up for yourself at that point. but because your new boyfriend was there, and it was humiliating that he was yelling at you like that in front of company, all you could do was cry. you begged him to stop with tears streaming down your face, begged him not to say things in front of joshua. he ignored your pleas as they only made him explode. joshua tried standing up for you, but your dad yelled at him too, claimed joshua was ‘disrespecting’ him, and told him to get out.

joshua left but took you with him. he kissed your mom and siblings goodbye, and whisked you out of the house. you were so embarrassed that you could hardly talk through the tears. you expected joshua to break up with you after that, and managed to ask if he was going to leave you. he stayed and proposed to you five months later, and you quietly eloped together, only a few of your friends knowing about it.

“i’m not like him,” you say, throat closing. joshua’s face falls and his features soften as your eyes well up with tears, already moving to walk over to you.

“no, you’re not,” he clarifies, sitting next to you on the bed and pulling you into his chest. you press your fists into your eyes and try to control your breathing while he softly rubs your back. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to upset you.” joshua whispers, kissing your head as you tremble in his arms. he keeps his lips pressed to your hair and lets you fight the tears, never once letting go of you.

your eyes ache from pressing against them and you pull your hands away, sniffing and trying to pull yourself away from him. joshua only holds onto you tighter which makes your eyes well up again, and you can’t believe you’ve been brought to tears more times tonight than in the year so far. “i left,” you mumble weakly.

“you came back.”

“but i left.”

joshua pulls back enough to look down at you. you look up at him with sad eyes and he lets go of you to wipe your face. “and you came back. you’re nothing like him, baby. you’re a good mom, a good wife, and you care. you left, but you came back. water under the bridge,” he says, pushing your hair out of your face. you blink tears away as he peers down at you before leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips.

“i love you. and im sorry,” you murmur, wiping under your eyes.

“i love you too, and we both have things to work on.”

you nod, and let him hold you until you eventually doze off, headache and all. you only wake up in the middle of the night because you’re uncomfortable, and move to your side of the bed. joshua still tugs you back into his chest and the two of you mange to stay that was until the morning.

when you wake, joshua is right behind you. he talks you down when you panic about facing your baby. “does she hate me?” you ask, wiping sleep out of your eyes.

“of course not,” he says, a small frown on his face. you want to tell him to wait until she’s a teenager, but he looks distraught enough at your question, so you just nod.

she’s asleep when you peek in her room, sprawled out on her small bed. you creep over quietly and kneel beside her, gently shaking her shoulder. she wakes up easily, stretching her short limbs before she opens her eyes. “mommy?” she mumbles, rubbing her eyes with a small yawn.

“hi, baby,” you say, smoothing a hand over her head. she looks up at you timidly, and your stomach knots. “did you sleep okay?” she nods and you give her a small smile. “mommy’s sorry, baby. i didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“it’s okay,” she says, sitting up. it’s not, but you’ll take her accepting your apology. “can i have a hug?” her voice is small, and makes you want to cry because she doesn’t have to ask you for that.

“of course, baby,” you say, wrapping yourself around her and pressing a kiss to her cheek. your hold her for awhile, until she starts to struggle against you. “i got you something.” you say once you loosen your hold around her. her eyes light up and you smile, scooping her up and heading downstairs.

you pull the box of donuts out of the fridge snd she gasps when you open the lid. you let her have a whole donut for breakfast, and promise her half of one after dinner. you apologize again, and she tells you that it’s okay again. one day, you’ll let her know that she can’t just say ‘it’s okay’ whenever somebody apologizes, but for now you let it be.

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

okay so heres my ideal byler confession:

so mileven breaks up in either episode one or two either is fine by me pacing wise

throughout episodes 1-4 imma need the flirting and gay longing to hit a fever pitch. not too much but enough for me to be holding my breath before jonathan fucking interrupts again. i need moments where im on the edge of my seat thinking "this is it" just for something to interrupt. i need the tension to BUILD.

episode 4 imma need micheal wheeler to be vecna'd. and i need suffering. i need that electrocuted mf to DESTORY my boy. i need a vision of will byers taunting my boy relentlessly. i need all the internalized homophobia from the past 4 seasons to be visualized in a hellscape of trauma. i need my boy to give the fuck up. and i need will to be the one to pull him back from the brink. i want mike to be ready to jump off the cliff again and wills voice to be his Running up that hill that pulls him back.

and when mike survives this vecna excursion. im going to need a parallel to the lumax scene ofc.

the next episode best be pure angst and pure plot. i want avoidance galore. i want mike terrified and quaking in his fucking boots that his visions of will will be a reality.

escape from camazotz. i think this will be it. i have two guesses

number one- some sort of big battle or event or something. possibly churchgate? or something of the like. dramatic kiss confession. aka were about to die so fuck it lets kiss.

OR

number two- some sort of fight. rain fight parallel. will is pissed that mikes been avoiding him and how mike said theyd be a team now. and hes also super worried bc bro just got vecnad. fighting ensures, lots of deflection but in the end we have the classic "because im in love with you moment" from mike. or something of the like. i feel like hed shout something along the lines of "i think i might be in love with you" first and then after a second of silence hed say quieter "im in love with you" cue dramatic kiss. will tells him he loves him back. however smth is happening and they dont have time to really discuss anything further and thats that. for now

im not sure which i want more

after this we defeat vecna and throughout all of this we have some tender byler moments. possibly a few more kisses but nothing major.

a few weeks after vecna is defeated will is outside on the swings of one of the schools which have been turned into a shelter during reconstruction. mike sees him and walks out. he stands there while will swings and have a some small talk. soon they lapse into silence and mike blurts out "will you go out with me" or "will you be my boyfriend" OR "can we be boyfriends" (again not sure which i prefer). Will will smile at him and say yes. making a parallel to how they met in kindergarten.

time skip to 89 we have established byler and i fully expect a drunk byler "crazy together" reference and i will die on this hill

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Can u pls do like a switch female x jeff headcanon? I love your version of jeff and im curious how smut would go if the female liked to be dominant half the time 😄 thanks!

This got a little long ^^' But I hope you enjoy!! I love writing switchy Jeff <3

Reader is presumably AFAB, but I didn't really mention any physical traits as I was more focused on Jeff :p

I've said before at least once or twice I think, but Jeff LOVES to have a switch as a partner. He doesn't really like having a purely submissive partner because he himself is a switch, so he really thrives off of the back and forth sexually in your relationship with him. Of course, I do have a disclaimer that it takes him a little bit to really get into a submissive headspace with you when you first start having sex, due to sexual trauma that my Jeff has with previous partners, so it takes a lot of gentle coaxing and taking things slow the first few times he subs for you before you can possibly start getting into rougher things with him. He does make sure you both have an established safeword and regular check-ins regardless of how many times you do things for both of you.

Once he's really comfortable with you, the gloves really come off, though. Jeff is a man of surprise and improvisation, and he really loves a partner who can keep him on his toes both in and out of the bedroom. Jeff loves teasing his partners non-sexually in general, poking fun at you, but that doesn't stop him from teasing you intimately once you're comfortable, and he loves it when you return his teasing. When he passes you in the hallway and goes to whisper a flirty remark in your ear, yank him down by his shirt collar and do the same to him. When you give him a parting hug press your body against his and run your fingers through his hair to get him longing for you. Any teasing touches are encouraged and will be returned, so be sure to rile him as much as you want throughout the day. Run your fingers through his hair, sit too close to him, rest your hands on his thighs (and squeeze them!!), whisper things into his ears (and blow lightly on them), press teasing kisses to his neck. Pretty much anything you can do to him will have him worked up and more than ready to pounce on you, especially with his high libido, but don't forget to keep him on his toes! Switch back and forth between teasing him in a dominant and submissive way so he has no idea what to expect when you two are finally alone at the end of the night.

Once the clothes are off and the lust is high, you can keep switching things up if you'd like, too. Start off the night by submitting to him, letting him think he has control, and then flip him on his back and take the reigns. Go from laying on your back and begging him to fuck you to flipping him over and pinning him down, making him beg for it instead. Jeff is content plenty of nights to just have one of you domming instead of having a back and forth, but some nights, especially when both of you are pent up, it's just so fun to see who can be in control the most while you're fucking each other. I've mentioned his hair a couple of times already, but he LOVES it when you pull on his long hair. Really get your hands in there and yank back on it when he's above or below you and you'll have him whining and begging for more immediately, which is your easiest bet for stealing control from him. Pin his hands down, suck and bite all over his neck and shoulders, grind yourself against his cock but don't let him slip inside just yet, you'll have him sobbing and begging beneath you, so sensitive and stimulated and desperate for you to absolutely ruin him. When your hips start to get a bit tired or you just wanna take it easy, provoke the dom in him. Bat your eyelashes at him and use that higher pitched voice of yours, trace your hands down his chest and over his muscles, put on an adorably shy display and tell him how much you wanna feel him fuck you into the mattress, and he's back on top and raring to go right away. Jeff's first priority is always making the both of you feel as good as possible (with more emphasis on you), so regardless of if you want him subbing or domming, this horny golden retriever boyfriend of yours is always excitedly ready to take or give whatever you want, for however many rounds you want. Having a switch as a partner is really his favorite thing, so don't feel the need to hold back at all with him, he loves and THRIVES off it.

[chiacanwritesometimes]

the three times you tried, and the one time it worked. (part 2)

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

ship: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 1.6k

author’s note: this is unedited, so there might be some grammatical errors. this fic dives into themes of pregnancy, miscarriage, and alcohol. please please please do not interact if these themes bother, trigger, or make you uncomfortable. all information regarding my statistics have been sourced from mayo clinic, nhs.uk and cleveland clinic. please let me know if i got anything wrong so i can update this with the most accurate information! if you have gone through something like this or similar, please reach out to support groups or hotlines. i will link some down on the notes as soon as i can!

eek! one part left! i have enjoyed writing this so far, and i might do a “what they’re up to now” when im done with this series. i hope you enjoy reading it :P

===========

it was hard on him as well. how do you go from being thrown seventy years into the future, from meeting the love of your life, to losing a baby with her?

her screams haunted him, almost as much as…

he tried not to think about it too much. he promised her he was starting a new life with and for her, although she encouraged him to talk about the past to better understand him and to help him work out the trauma.

he spent most of his days in the office, filling out paperwork. he called time off from work, but you got well enough to the point where he could return without fear of you hurting yourself. most nights were spent holding each other, with either one of you or both of you crying.

80 percent of miscarriages happen in the first trimester. it’s not that you weren’t fertile, but what you both didn’t account for was how his super soldier genes would affect everything, having the baby develop faster than it’s little body could handle. it was eight centimeters long, contrast to the common five centimeters. he blamed himself for it, but you assured that through no fault of his, it happened. you didn’t want to grow to resent him, as you knew deep down it truly wasn’t his fault. you buried yourself in statistics to find loops and explanations as to why, why you, why this, just…why. for women under 30, 1 in 10 pregnancies end in miscarriage. around 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. you became depressed, finding yourself as another statistic to write down, another number in a chart. he caught on to what you were doing, but didn’t know how to handle it. he mostly just held you, and whispered words of comfort into your ear.

“why did it have to be us?” you whispered softly, one night, as he spooned you.

he paused for a moment. “i don’t know.”

“if only i-“. he cut you off. “stop. you know it wasn’t your fault. we’ll try again when you’re ready, okay?”

you went out with your friends one day, a small reward you gave yourself for being so strong. you felt bad for leaving him home, but he assured you that he would be productive.

you really didn’t drink. that’s what you kept telling yourself as you ordered, and kept ordering. you really didn’t, you just didn’t know what came over you. maybe it was the fact that the drinks were cheap, or the company was good. or maybe it was the five month anniversary. you tried not to think about it much, as you didn’t want to depress your friends. your sorrows were washed away, and for the first time in a while, you felt whole. soon, you were drunk. not tipsy, but full on, shit faced drunk. your giddy smile convinced your friends to call him, and it wasn’t long before he was there to pick you up. he scooped you up with ease, and chuckled at your exaggerated affection towards him.

“you’re drunk.” he teased, as he sat you down in the passenger seat.

“and you’re not.” you teased back. he closed the door and walked over to the drivers seat. he sat down and took a deep breath. he didn’t start the car just yet, he was just looking at you.

“well i can’t get drunk, you know that. plus, im driving. wouldn’t be responsible.”

“and you’re known for always following the rules, yes yes.” you said in a mock serious tone, making him snort.

“low blow.” he responded, as he turned the key to the ignition. the hum of the engine proved to be a good melody lulling you to sleep, and your head bobbed as you tried your hardest to stay awake. his hand was on your thigh, and his thumb traced circles. it proved wonders, and you quickly fell asleep. the car ride was fifteen minutes long, and your eyes fluttered open as your body recognized the turns to your home. you stretched your arms, muscles sore from all the dancing you did with your friends. he was humming a song, one you tried to recognize.

the music started, and was i the perplexed one?

he stopped the car, and walked to your side, opening the door.

i held my breath and said, may i have the next one?

his soft voice made your ears turn red. he helped you out of the car, and scooped you bridal style. you giggled. he walked to the front door, and you unlocked it. he gently placed you down as you both entered, and he continued.

in my frightened arms-

you smiled. “polka dots and moon beams.” you said. you recognized the song, and as you took your shoes off, he beamed at you. he nodded and continued.

polka dots and moon beams, sparkled on a pug nosed dream.

he whistled the improvisation of the trombone, and took your hands as he led you down the hall to the dining room. there, a candle lit table with two plates.

“i had this planned, but i didn’t want you to not go out with your friends.” he admitted sheepishly. you gasped and smiled.

“this is so sweet.” you were slowly sobering up. your clothes felt heavy on you, and you suggested putting on pajamas. he agreed, and the both of you walked upstairs as you talked about the events of the night. he listened intently, and sat down on the bathroom counter as you took a quick shower. the warm air made your baby hairs cling to your skin, and the mirror foggy. you finished, and grabbed the nearest towel and covered yourself. you walked out of the shower, shivering slightly from the temperature difference. you walked over to where he sat, and smiled at him.

“hi.” you said softly, soaking in the intimate moment.

“hi.” he replied, equally as gentle. he cupped your jaw, and planted a small kiss on your lips. he leaned his forehead on yours, and closed his eyes.

“you smell good. new shampoo?”

you nodded.

“you’re welcome to try it.” you smiled, running your damp hand through his hair. he grabbed your wrist, and starting placing small kisses on your knuckles, your palm, your fingers.

“you’re so pretty.” he said as he sat up from the counter and towered above you. you grinned.

“you really think so?”

he nodded.

“oh yeah. everyone at work is so jealous of me.” he boasted as you snorted.

“oh, i’m sure.” you chuckled as he took your hand and twirled you and pulled you in, embracing you. he pulled you in a long kiss, holding the back of your neck and your waist. he sat you down on the counter and one thing led to another and…

you kept replaying those moments as you stared at the two lines on the second pregnancy test. you felt dread, but also joy? it was a mix of emotions. you felt scared, what if it happened again? 80 percent of miscarriages happen in the first trimester, you kept telling yourself. you just had to survive the first 12 weeks, and you’ll be fine.

you knocked on the doorway to his office, which was a huge step for you. you hadn’t entered that room since the incident. he looked up from his book.

“what’s up, birdie?” birdie. a nickname he used after catching you singing along to one of your favorite records, and one he used sparingly. that nicknamed grounded you, and gave you the strength to fess up.

you held up the test, and said nothing.

“two lines?” he asked, with a tone you could almost register as nervousness with a twinge of fear.

you nodded. he stood up to embrace you, laughing.

“two lines!” he kept repeating, kissing your neck. this made you ease up, and soon, you were laughing as well.

“okay, okay! we have to be prepared this time.” you stated. “but also, we can’t get our hopes too up, what if-“. you stopped laughing. you cleared your throat.

“no matter what happens, we’ll…be fine, right?”

he nodded. “we’ll be fine. for better or worse, remember?”

“pinky promise?” your request broke his heart. he set you down and extended his own pinky finger, hooking it with yours. he took your hand and kissed it.

“i’m yours, through it all.” he said, smiling.

you two had decided to take a small vacation, to get your mind off things. you refused any food that could possibly hurt the growth of the fetus, and tried your hardest to stay optimistic. you steered clear of baby clothes until after the first twelve weeks were over. how betrayed you would soon feel.

as you were three weeks in, you felt strange. similar to the way it felt the first time, but you thought it was just morning sickness or something.

you both had travelled to maine, to watch the ocean. you decided that fresh air was what you both needed. not only was the salt air fresh, but it was cold, very cold. you had taken a midnight stroll with him on the sand, and went to bed at three in the morning.

you woke up with pain, similar to the pain you would feel with period cramps. you sat up and googled “miscarriage symptoms” with shaky hands. this couldnt happen again. how could this happen again? your stirring caused him to wake up, and he saw what was on your phone. his heart dropped as he made eye contact with you. your face was pale, your eyes filled with grief.

“james?” you said, cautiously. his eyes sank. you only called him by that name when things were extremely serious.

“yes, my love?”

80 percent of miscarriages happen in the first trimester.

…

part 2/3. update tmr!

[lazorbeanz]

Another continuation to my list of random thoughts and reactions to STH3

(Part 3🫠)

!spoilers ahead duh!

- NOOOOOOO TOM!!!! HE CANT BE DEAD!!! SHADOW DID NOT JUST KILL TOM (I was literally shaking AND oh was I on the brink of tears too aakdjsjsnjs)

- more parallels 😭

- omg the new suits looking like how they do in the games o yaaaaas

- uhm someone care to help eggman he looks like he’s having a seizure

- okay now I definitely feel bad for stone :(

- idk why but this part in the movie I could NOT stop rambling to myself about it

It was after the ambulance had driven away with tom and maddie

How Sonic was just filled with so much anger and hurt he was willing to break the promise he made with his team about not using the M.E

Knuckles ofc was fully against the idea as using the M.E could be too dangerous, especially using it for something like vengeance. Then also saying that Sonic is in no right to make any decisions esp in his emotional state

Because emotions (especially anger) can cloud your judgement. you’re not always thinking straight therefore leading to irrational decision making

And knuckles, always being known as the hothead, short tempered, sometimes leaping into battles with just fists and no brain. He of all people probably knows what happens when you make decisions based off your emotions

And iirc doesn’t the power of the Master Emerald (or the chaos emeralds) reflects (or is based of) the person’s heart? Having someone who is feeling a whole pile of negative emotions wield such power can have severe consequences (which I’m pretty sure has already been demonstrated)

But anyways Sonic couldn’t care at the moment, he was even fine with going solo if no one “had the guts” Hecc, he was even ready to throw hands with Knux just to win it over and I was like “oh shiz it’s gonna be STH2 all over again” cuz y’know they both got all charged up

But then Knuckles was reminded about the OTHER half of their promise…to trust each other, and he was going to make sure he kept that promise even if Sonic broke it on his end, even if Sonic chooses to go with what could be a very reckless choice. When knux swears a ✨sacred oath✨ he is bound to keep it regardless.

So he stands down and lets Sonic have his way

Idk did that not just scream maturity or character development to you?? Bc knux usually wouldn’t make a stretch like this esp with the M.E. Idk maybe I looked too far into it help

(Also I’m not in any way condemning Sonic for being the way he was…poor guy has been thru a lot from dealing with another hedgehog, to 2 eggmen, GUN, and now his “dying” father. He has every right to be pissed)

- oh is it who I think it is-

- OH MY GOSH WADE HAHAHAHA YESSSSS THE NEW FEARSOME GUARDIAN OF THE MASTER EMERALD ALL QUIVER BEFORE HIM

- BUDDY YOU DIDNT EVEN LOOK LIKE YOU TRIED-

- NAAAAA NO MORE SAD FLASHBACKS :(

- OH STUFF’S ABOUT TO GET REAL

- SUPER SHADOW ENTERED THE CHAT!!!!

- SONIC JUST PUNCHING SHADOW ACROSS THE WORLD DAAAAYYUUUUMM BROS ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF VIOLENCE

🎶Brazil, Morocco, London to Ibiza-🎶 (shh it’s totally accurate)

- I’m crying WHAT IS THIS SORCERY

- SONIC SHED A TEAR I REPEAT SONIC SHED A TEAR I SAW IT

- ahh yes beautiful trauma bonding

- OMG OKAY ITS HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- LIVE AND LEARRRRNNNNNN

- old people and insects…

- BANGER SCENE + BANGER SONG = PEAK CINEMA PT.2

- THEY DID THE THING!!!

- oop there goes eggman

- WAIT WHERE DID TAILS AND KNUCKLES COME FROM DID I MISS SOMETHING?

- lmfao Gerald gets his ass zapped by his grandson and then incinerated by pure chaos energy the karma is reallll but uhm rest in pepperonis ig

- THEY PISSED ON THE FREAKING MOOOOOOOON

- AAAAAHHHHH TAILS SEES HIS BIG BRO PLUMMETING TO HIS DOOM AND-

HES IN TEARS IM UNWELL

- YESSSS GO SAVE YOUR BUDDY!!!!

- sayonara Shadow the Hedgehog and Dr.Robotnik 🫡

- NOOOO TAILS LOSING CONSCIOUS YOU TRIED ITS OKAY

- YEEEAAAAHHHHH HERE COMES KNUCKLES TO SAVE BOTH HIS LIL BROTHERS!!!!! 💪💪💪

- TEAM HUG AWWWWW LETS GO

- DONUT LORD IS ALIIIIIVEEEE YESSSS

- MORE DOGGY TRANSLATIONS :D

yes ozzy u get all the loveeee

- YES WE GET THE REAL RACE THIS TIME TO TOP IT OFF

- I love this movie

- *proceeds to jam out to the credits*

- welcome to the SCU Amy 🩷 ALSO GURL UR SO PRETTY WOWZERS

- I need STH4 NOW

[m4yasnotthatcool]

Can we have Andrew and Reader have a life after the events of the game (In the Bulletless Decay route)?

Reader would be an exchange student who would have gone to stay with the Graves family, but in the end she ended up being another 'victim' of the game's circumstances.

She would be a type of person who was indifferent to almost everything, cold-blooded, with somewhat sociopathic tendencies but with a kind heart.

Okay, let's do this, after Ashley's murder, Andrew and Reader finally got fake teeth and moved somewhere far away, but with all the recent traumas and along with the fear of being abandoned.

Andrew started to have possessive tendencies, a little clingy, toxic, manipulative towards our 'poor thing' Reader and that would result in them having children in the future, to keep her trapped in the coffin with him.

ANDREW GRAVES X F!READER

(a/n: okay so i think i understand what u mean, sorry if its not what you expected, im a little(very) rusty rn at writing) NOT PROOF READ!

okay so first of all, Ashley never liked you, and thats part of the reason Andrew liked you sm

like, yea, he always does whatever his sister wants him to, and he hated himself for falling for you

but there was just something about how you were so indifferent under almost any circumstances (oh how he enjoyed seeing you crack under the pressure when you ate the cultist!)

your cold blooded outer shell was something intriguing to him

he wanted to study you

he wanted to get to know you.

did he care about you from the begining? ha, no.

of course he didnt

his sister hated you, so he hated you too

she was afraid you'd steal him from her so he didnt give you the chance

a couple of days into the quarantine is when he'll finally give in and start talking to you

and low and behold, he loved you from the first interaction

you were just so interesting!

he, of course, felt guilty for going against his sisters wishes, but he still would spend mre and more time just talking to you

after killing ashley i think he would just be in denial

for a really (REALLY) long time he would just wait for her to come back, even tough he knows shes not going to

after somehow getting away and finding a permanent place to stay, you two got in a relationship

both of you had abandonment issues you should treat, but neither of you felt it was necesary

from the start he didnt let you talk to anyone else but him

at first it was something you despited about him, feeling it was too clingy. you needed space, you needed privacy

but at one point those needs started fading away

he would tell you "you dont need anyone else but me. im the only one who is capable of understanding what you went trough! and you're the only one who can understand what I went trough. but its alright! dont worry about me! just worry about yourself and what you want. its not like you care about me anyway."

so you belived him

you didnt need anyone else but him

you told him you didnt want kids

thats one of the many topics you talked about when you met

you didnt feel they fufiled any particular need of yours and you didnt want to have them if you were just going to regret them after

he managed to change your mind

after having your 2nd child with him, you were so far gone that you remained just and empty shell of the person you used to be

the lines between you two started bleeding into eachother and so he absorbed your presence

you were no longer yourself

you were just who he wanted you to be all along

he still loved you of course

also i feel like he would get a lot of his manipulation skills from his sister

or whatever is the feeling he gets thats closest to love

he just needed you to stay

and whenever it seemed like you were ready to fly away, he would cut your wings

________________________________________

final a/n

i know its bad dude, im sorry 😭

if you were to ask me right now what i just wrote i couldnt tell you (like im fr rn)

if you want me to try to re-do it just ask (if u didnt like this one that is)

so uh

thx for asking

and sorry its bad lmao

here are the other fandoms i write for!

have a nice rest of ur day/night!

[altacctforastarion]

(Im hoping you finished bg3 if your reading this or saw orin)

So in my playthrough I defeated cazador (after the grave scene) and forgot about orin until she took Lae'zel and I didn't notice since I thought it was yenna and I was curious if you could write sfw hcs of Astarion seeing tav act more violent when they are usually a reserved quiet person and how astarion would react to having to save tav/ after saving tav after they saved him from ascension

Hey! Thanks for requesting and also I have finished the game!

Warnings: Orin behavior (some violence and such) and also you are saved after you’ve been in the temple for a bit so you’re not doing so hot and she hurt you in some vague way, kinda angsty tbh.

-Astarion is the kind of guy to watch your every move. He trusts you and loves you but you don’t endure that kind of trauma and just stop looking for red flags. He learned your behavior early on, he knows you’re a reserved individual who kills when they have to and you don’t get pleasure from it 99% of the time. And even then it’s less at doing the killing and more that whoever it is can’t get back to hurting others.

-So when you start to seem visibly happy to pick fights or while killing someone that attacks your group, it raises a flag. And when he asks you about it and “you” tell him that you craved their blood, he immediately punches you in the face and tackles you to the ground because that is not you.

-I feel like the other companions have a “but who’s the imposter” time bc Astarion just punched the love of his life in the face but also you seemed really happy repeatedly stabbing someone earlier. So like, you’re both weird. But Astarion tells them that Orin is pretending to be you and then ignoring the rest of their questions (and threats bc what if he’s the imposter beating you up lmao) as he questions Orin.

-She breaks pretty fast, (based on how she runs up to you as your friend in the sewers and if you don’t give her the answer she wants or whatever she changes back to herself just to taunt you pretty much), and she changes back to herself. He’s got a dagger out, up against her neck, throwing out questions and she’s just laughing at him before disappearing, telling him to come find you.

-It’s not hard to find Bhaal’s temple, which is good because Astarion is going fucking insane. I think it would eat him alive that you were taken and you’ve been gone for gods know how long before Orin gave herself away. I think he’s ready to kill anyone and anything that gets in his way and your companions are doing anything they can to get him to be even somewhat sane.

-They get there and he sees you on an altar, bleeding and filthy, and is immediately running down there, fuck stealth- he wants Orin dead and you safe. Your companions run down after him, trying to keep up, also out for blood but not quite like him.

-He keeps his eyes on you as much as he can while fighting Orin and the worshipers, needing to see that you’re still breathing and making sure no one tries to hurt you.

-the second everyone is dead he’s running over to you, demanding that someone heals you, shaking you and checking your pulse.

-you wake up and see him there, starving (because there’s no way in hell he does anything besides looking for you and killing for information. Maybe he’s bitten someone in a fight- maybe- but he’s not wasting a second the whole time he’s trying to get to you) and beaten up and looking down at you terrified, then tentatively relived to see you awake.

-He doesn’t talk, I think he grabs you and holds you while someone heals you. I think he sobs and when he finally does talk he tells you he’s sorry he didn’t protect you, then he asks if you’re ok, if anything still hurts. I think he doesn’t let you go until he has to. I think if it’s physically possible for him to carry you he does and if he can’t he demands someone else does while he holds you hand.

-you’re carried back to Elfsong and he’s a million miles away the whole trip. He puts you in a bath and cleans you off wordlessly, but he listens when you talk.

-I think it’s a lot of comforting eachother. He’s devastated and you went through some awful shit. He needs to know that you don’t hate him for not protecting you from Orin.

-He doesn’t sleep or hunt that night. He watches you breathe, and feels your pulse.

-in the morning you offer your blood and he refuses, but you manage to convince him because he NEEDS to feed.

-I think it takes until you’re all healed up and back to normal before he starts to truly process how he felt about what happened, and to tell you how terrified he was.

[mcyt-trios]

PROPAGANDA:

Eclipse Federation:

i dont like them. they ruined my life. Subz and Vitalasy had already partnered in previous seasons but this one, Vitalasy ended up leaving for a few months, leaving Subz alone, and Zam ended up getting close to him after immense trauma at the hands of his former teammates. Zam has done SO many wrongs, including to Subz himself and Subz STILL took him in and made him join Eclipse Federation after Zam died 14 times in a row and got banned then revived by the same player who's been killing him all this time. And it could've been perfect but no, Zam had betrayed his previous team due to them using dupes via exploits, and now Eclipse Federation ALSO has exploits! And he decided that yeah his morals were more important than being loved! And so he murders Vitalasy when he's at his most vulnerable point, lets everyone gaslight him into thinking Vitalasy is an irredeemable evil monster who will never change, even as Vitalasy SAID he was ready to change before the betrayal even happened, Eclipse threw out their whole revenge plans because of Zam's positive influence and he just broke everything. Subz couldn't be with Zam but also couldn't see himself at Vitalasy's side, leaving him alone. Vitalasy hated Zam and yet never killed him or hunted him down, despite Zam acting like he did. And when Vitalasy left, banning himself off from the server, Zam had some time alone to think and realized he fucked up SOOOO bad. And Subz revived Vitalasy and told him to kill him. And ban him. His last wish. His Deliverance. And to make up with Zam. And Vitalasy tried, and they kind of did make up over Subz's death, but then Zam was like "actually im going to kill everyone and destroy the server now. because i want subz back and also because i always do extremely drastic things when i don't need to because i have unchecked mental illnesses i refuse to get help for". And surprisingly when Subz came back he didn't like that! And they ended in tragedy! Eclipse is fucked up. It's a trio that's always about the absence of one person, it's a team that could only happen in one timeline and it was doomed from the very start. But the love was there. It made everything worse, truthfully. But it was there. And that matters. Also as a fun fact Zam himself on twitter has referred to eclipse as a throuple, which is not canon but that's pretty funny. he also stated on stream he didn't want to get therapy because it'd ruin his lifesteal character. and there was a saga where they would "marry" (challenge lost kinda shenanigans) and zam was the only one happy about it. he's not normal. there's something wrong with him. love that for him though sorry for the block of text. I really dislike them. They're my beloveds :3

L'mantrio:

brothers in arms. nothing much to say here I'm bad at propaganda sorey

They're brothers your honor, they're the original 3 members of l'manburg, they're so underrated, they're literally my favorite ever trio

[the-laughing-lunatic]

im sick and I'll about emesis blue solider getting love ill take anything fluffy I need cavities,,,

(I’m so so sorry about how long this one took me, I was struggling with how to fit this into the timeline so I kinda made up some stuff. Thanks for requesting, I hope you enjoy and again so sorry for the wait!)

Emesis Blue Soldier/ Nurse!gn!reader (ROMANTIC)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were assigned as Jane’s private home nurse after he’d been hospitalized since he had no one else to take care of him

The only things you knew about him were from his chart

He wouldn’t talk at all in the first few weeks of you being there, and your interactions were limited to giving him his food and meds

Until one night when you were getting ready to leave you felt him grab your wrist

He was looking up at you with pleading eyes, begging you to stay.

And you did. 

Apparently he had been having night terrors frequently, and they were getting worse

So you stayed by his bed while he went to sleep

…though after about fifty minutes of sitting in a chair, you were tired, and there was an awful lot of space left on the bed. Couldn’t hurt to just lay down for a second…

A few moments after you laid down you felt an arm around you

This is completely unprofessional, I should just leave right now—

Your thoughts were interrupted by a soft hum from Jane in his sleep

He was smiling.

You’d never seen him smile before, and you found yourself wanting to make him smile like this all the time

You stayed the night, and the next night, and the night after that–

You two fell into habit, and over the few weeks you kept a decent bit of your things at his place

One night though when you got into bed, Jane wasn’t there, the clock kept ticking until it was two in the morning, so you decided to look for him

He was sitting in his wheelchair outside with a cigar, looking at the sky

“Jane, what’s the matter?” 

He paused for a moment before responding. “...you should leave here.”

“What? No, Jane, this is my job I’m not going to leave you, why would you say that?”

“You’ll get hurt.”

You sat down on the porch next to his wheelchair. “What makes you think I’m gonna get hurt?”

“Everyone I love gets hurt, I’m going to let you down.” 

You sighed and placed a hand on his, giving a light squeeze at his dejected confession. “I see. How would you let me down?”

“I’m good at loving, I always make–” he paused, remembering something. “—stupid mistakes.”

You gave an empathetic look. “We’re not perfect, I know. Though, I don’t think you can be bad at loving someone, but if you’re sure, I’d be perfectly happy if you just let me love you. If, um, that’s not too assuming of me to say.”

He looked at you for a moment, crushing his cigarette out. “You’re making a mistake.”

You took his hand. “Maybe, maybe not. We’re only going to see if you let me make this ‘mistake’.”

He paused for a moment before giving you a tight hug and crying quietly.

And that’s how y’all started dating 

Still very hesitant with any kind of affection in the beginning, you’re the one who initiates most of it

Even though you make sure not to startle him he still keeps getting caught off-guard and flustered

But when he’s more comfortable with it he likes being around you all the time

One of the things he does the most is tapping out “I love you” in Morse code on you

On your arm, your hand, any part of you he can reach he’ll press those touches to your skin

You’re the person he feels the most comfortable talking to, but he’s still rather quiet of a guy so he likes to express his affection for you in other ways by just being close to you and listening to you talk

Is incredibly grateful for how patient you are with him, and you’re the absolute light in his life as he works through his trauma

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[drabblesbyjubs]

Caress

Astarion x gn! Reader; your boundaries on where Astarion can touch you and where you can touch him have always been a little fuzzy, but he struggles to word what he means when attempting to simply tell you where he doesn’t want to be touched. He tosses out an idea, and the two of you explore your comfort zones. This could be seen at a pt 2 to Just Need Time, its very soft and fluffy, sort of building on that healing aspect.

Fluff, hurt/comfort, non-sexual nudity, some minor sexual content but no actual smut, trauma, Astarion’s backstory stuff, minor spoilers for Astarion’s story in act 3, minors go bye bye pls

I wrote this on my first day at my new job. This fic was born in the kitchens of a nursing home

Intimacy was always daunting to Astarion.

Emotional intimacy was close, it was vulnerable, it was a means to exploit. And it was terrifying. Physical intimacy was a task, something Astarion struggled to enjoy.

More than a few times he had feared you leaving him because he couldn’t provide the intimacy you deserved. He wasn’t always emotionally available, sometimes we was so apathetic he feared you would be disgusted with him, but there were some things he just couldn’t care about. Even if he wanted to, caring was vulnerable, and it wasn’t allowed. Survival of the fittest.

He was next to never physically available for intimacy; either he completely zoned out before you even got his pants off, the thought of a hug lingering too long sent shivers down his spine, or a hand on his hip pulled a fear response from him, making his whip around to face you, ready to push you away.

You were so understanding that it hurt.

Never once did you judge, never once were you angry or upset. That was almost worse than you being angry; just not knowing what you were thinking. The uncertainty was horrible.

Uncertainty over how you thought of him, uncertainty of where he even liked you touching. Sometimes your soft, romantic touches made his heart soar; they were safe, there was no fear, no ulterior motive, only you, at face value. He loved those times. He wished he knew them more. There were so many little places he was and wasn’t okay with you touching him, he couldn’t even keep track of them.

Maybe it was worth finding out.

..

“Darling?” Astarion approached your tent, and you looked up from the book you had been reading, smiling when you saw that handsome face you’d come to love.

“Astarion,” you greeted, setting down your book and standing to meet him. He hugged you, and you held him close. It seemed he was feeling a little touchy today, and you didn’t mind one bit.

“I wanted to talk. Is… now a good time?” Astarion questioned. You felt a pit of nervousness in your stomach; he looked serious.

“Of course, come with me.” You said, leading him in to your tent and shutting it behind you. “What’s wrong?” You asked.

Astarion grabbed your hands tenderly, and you felt nerves twist in your belly.

“I know I haven’t been the best to you.” He began, immediately filling you with doubt and confusion.

“Darling, of course you-“

“Please.. let me get this out.” He gently kissed the back of your hand, and you shuffled nervously.

“I haven’t been the best to you. I’ve been reclusive, and I know you deserve better. The.. the thought of losing you is terrifying. I want to be more open, give you what you deserve, I just… dont know how. I… have a favor to ask of you.”

You gulped nervously. This didn’t seem like he was trying to break up with you… but the way he spoke in such a self deprecating manner, it was so concerning to you.

“What is it, hun?” You asked.

“I.. want you to help me learn where I can and cant touch you. Where you can and cant touch me. I suppose I… just want to admire you. You tell me when and where it’s too much, and you do the same to me. Is… is that okay?” He looked up at you with those beautiful red eyes.

“Like… like what do you mean?” You asked. “Whatever it is, im alright with it, but.. you may have to take the lead, show me what you’d like. Is that alright?”

“I… want to touch you. And want you to touch me.” He hesitantly explained, a shadow of doubt cast over him now. “I dont want it to be… sexual. I… suppose I want to find where im alright with you touching me. And where youre alright with me touching you.”

“Oh,” you said, realization dawning on you. “Oh hun, of course we can do that. That sounds like a great idea.” You kissed the tip of his nose and you smiled seeing the way the tips of his pointed ears flushed.

He smiled, that slight uptick to the corner of his lip, and the way his smile lines showed and his ryes warmed just looking at you. He was so, so beautiful.

You gently cupped his cheeks in your hands, thumbing over the corner of his mouth.

“You’re beautiful,” you muttered, and Astarion rolled his eyes, though his smile didn’t fade for a moment.

“I know. And wonderful, don’t forget.”

You laughed. “And wonderful.” You pulled him in for a kiss, soft and tender. Astarion melted in your touch, his hands lifting to let one wrap around your chest under your arms and the other card through the hair at the back of your head and gently hold you close to him. His lips moved over yours and both of your relaxed in to the kiss.

You pulled away after a moment, saying, “How do you want to do this?”

“Maybe… here, come with me.” He took your hand and lead you to the bedroll in your tent, the two of you sitting on it facing one another. He gave an awkward pause, clearing his throat and saying, “Could… I take the lead, then you take over?”

“Of course,” you say. “Do you want me to take anything off, or keep this all over our clothes?”

“Maybe.. leave our undergarments on, but take off everything else?”

“That sounds alright,” you said. “I have a blanket right there if you need to cover up.” You motioned to the blanket next to the two of you. Astarion nodded in confirmation, and as you began reaching for the hem of your shirt, he asked you, “May I?” He reached your your shirt, pausing before reaching your hands and waiting before moving on.

You smiled, the care and focus in his expression warming your heart. “Of course,” you said. His fingers hooked under the hem of your bed shirt, pulling it up and over your head. The focus in his gaze was wonderful, so careful as if he would shatter you with one wrong move.

He let out a little sigh when he had your shirt off and tossed to the side, as of he had been holding his breath.

“Beautiful as ever,” he whispered, so soft you hardly heard it. You nudged his shoulder with a little laugh. “Gods, Astarion,” you laughed, and he joined you. His hands cupped your cheeks, and he gazed lovingly into your eyes. You had never seen him so… soft. So vulnerable. It was almost like you were looking at an entirely different man to the one you had found in the woods after the illithid ship crashed, the one who had held a knife to your throat and threatened your life. And maybe he really was a different man, after all you had went through.

But he would always be Astarion, forever your little star.

Calloused hands softly traveled down your neck, closely watching you for any reaction. Down your neck, over your shoulders, across your chest. Over your hips and up your stomach, then to your back, scooting close to feel down the line of your spine, to your shoulders, and down your arms, until his fingers tangled in yours.

“Was that alright?” He asked. You nodded, giving him an assuring smile.

“Of course,” you said. You leaned up to kiss him, a gentle peck to his lips before pulling away. Your fingers danced feather light at the hem of his bedshirt.

“May I?” You asked, to which he nodded.

You pulled his shirt up over his head, watching his gaze fall to the ground. It had always made him a little nervous to feel so bare in such an intimate way, but you didn’t let your gaze linger on his body, instead starting how he did, cupping his cheeks.

You moved to trace over the points of his ears, and he laughed softly, relaxing in to your touch as your fingers carded through his hair.

You hands moved to his jawline, before slowly moving to his neck. You watched his smile fade and a more focused expression return. You tilted your head, and he looked to you.

“I’m not sure.” He said, almost as if having read your mind. You nodded; he’d always been iffy about any touch on the side of his neck that Cazador bit him on. You moved on without another word, to his shoulders and his chest. Neither of which he had any complaint over, you noted.

Your fingers ghosted over the muscles of his abdomen, and you noted how Astarion watched your hand with an intent gaze. You thumbed over the top of his pants before gently resting your hands on the small of his back. You looked at him, waiting for him to return your gaze before you asked, “Your back. Is that a no overall?”

He pursed his lips and looked away.

“That… may be situational. I dont mind sometimes, but others…”

You nodded and said, “Don’t worry, my love. I’ll ask you before I ever touch you there, alright?” He nodded, visibly relaxing.

You moved to hook your fingers under the waistband of his pants, once again looking at him for approval before continuing. He nodded, hut you said to him, “Use your words, hun.”

“You can,” he said. He knew you always preferred he be vocal about his consent, instead of implying it. It made it easier for you to judge when he really wanted it.

Sometimes it was hard for him to know when he really wanted it.

Nodding, you gently pulled his pants down, him lifting his hips to help you out. You hummed, seeing him in nothing but his underwear. He truly was beautiful.

Starting with his hips, you pressed your thumbs against his hip bones, before moving to his outer thighs. You felt him grimace a bit, looking up to him.

“It’s alright,” he quickly assured. “Maybe move a little slower, if thats okay?”

“Of course, I’m sorry.” You responded.

Making a note to move more carefully, you moved down to his knees, then his calves. You ran your hands up the insides of his legs, stopping at his inner thighs. He shuffled a little, saying, “I think this is fine.. just let me know before you touch me here, please?”

“Aye aye, captain,” you said with a light hearted smile, moving in to kiss him.

It was slow and sweet, and you felt him squirming a little under you with you leaned over him and your hands on his thighs.

When you pulled away, his hands went up to the waistband of your pants.

When you nodded your approval, he removed the clothing, mimicking your motions with care and attentiveness. He was so gentle.

When he sat back on his knees, you noticed something you handn’t noticed before; Astarion was hard. You looked away quickly, not meaning to be rude, but he noticed your gaze and pulled back, sitting on his bottom and pulling his knees up to his chest to hide himself. Hurriedly, he said, his words coming out in one long string, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I think I just enjoyed seeing you like this but I dont want this to be sexual and I dont think I can handle being touched like that right now, but if you want me to touch you I can, I just-“

You hushed him, moving up to place a hand on his shoulder and gently thumb at the skin there.

“Darling, hush now. It’s alright. Its perfectly normal. I dont want anything like that right now either.” You assured him, the nearly scared way he looked up at you breaking your heart.

“You… you’re sure? Im still sorry I got… excited, I guess, I promise it wont happen again.” He seemed almost desperate to convince you he was truly sorry, and you gently cupped his cheeks, tilting up his head to look at you.

“My love,” you spoke, voice nearly a whisper. “I promise, it’s alright. We wont be doing anything sexual tonight, and I’ll pretend this didn’t even happen. Okay? There’s no need to be afraid.”

He nodded, his eyes shining almost as if he was on the brink of tears.

“Okay,” he breathed.

You kissed him softly, which he returned after a moment of hesitation.

You leaned back in the bed roll, saying, “Would you like to continue?” He took a breath and nodded, that signature smile returning to his face, even if it was a little forced. His hands crossed your thighs, calves, giving you a cheeky grin as he squeezed your butt, you swatting at him and rolling your eyes.

“You’re sure you’re alright with this all? You haven’t mentioned anything to me about anywhere you dont like…” he trailed, settling next to you.

“I’m sure. If its you, im alright with anything.”

“What?” He said, looking at you. His expressing was one of confusion. “Why?” He propped himself on up his elbows, looking down at you next to him. “What makes me so special?”

You stared back at him for a moment, equally as baffled as him. “What makes you so- Astarion, love, everything. You’re the brightest light in my life, the reason I keep fighting, you’re my everything. I’ve seen the best and worst sides of you, and you’ve seen the best and worst sides of me. You’re the one constant in my life, and you’re absolutely wonderful. I-“ you trailed off a little, noticing the way Astarion stared at you with an unreadable expression; shock, maybe?

His bottom lip started to tremble, and he said in a shaky voice, “You… you mean that?” Before breaking down in to tears.

You stayed still for a moment as he cried, completely caught off guard, watching him shrink down in to the bedroll, but quickly moved to action and pulled him close, gently hushing him. “Shhh, shshsh,” you cooed, burying your nose in his soft hair and combing through the white strands. “It’s alright, hun, don’t worry. It’s okay.”

The way his shoulders heaved with every fresh round of sobs wrenched your heart, and you felt guilt swirl deep within you. “I’m so sorry, I-“

“Don’t,” he managed to breathe between sobs. “You mean it?” He sniffed, looking up to you with a tear stricken gaze.

“Of course,” you cooed. “I mean it all. You’re my everything.” You kissed his forehead, and he was wrecked by a fresh round of sobs, burying his face in your chest. You pulled him close and held him, rocking him softly as he cried. Your poor, sweet boy.

It may have been ten minutes, it may have been an hour. Eventually, Astarion’s breathing slowly began to even out, and his sobs became few and far between. Is a shaky, hoarse voice, he started to speak.

“Two hundred years. For two hundred years I was locked in that crypt.” Your fingers combed through his hair and his memories came back to him. “Cazador put so many horrible thoughts in my head. About myself, about the people around me. I never trusted anyone again until I met you. I never even trusted myself. A monster, I am, just a creature meant to feed off of the innocent. I haven’t been mine in so long.”

You started to speak, started to assure him that he wasn’t a monster, this wasn’t his choice, but you second guessed. Astarion being this vulnerable was… rare. So you gave him his moment.

“You’ve always been so trusting. I thought you were just stupid at first,” he laughed softly, and you rolled your eyes with a little smile. “But I realized that you are the only person whos ever put faith in me. Ever. At least within my memories. You’re… the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. So careful. So understanding. I dont understand why you care so much, but… thank you. And… I love you.”

Your heart was in your throat, choking you from the inside. You hugged him tighter, kissing the top of his head. “I love you too,” you breathed.

You placed your fingers under his chin to tilt his head up, giving him a warm smile when his eyes met yours. You leaned down to kiss him, pressing your lips against his and closing your eyes, feeling the way he relaxed in to your touch. Your lips moved together, in time as if this were practiced. You pulled away, and he gave you a little smile.

“You’re such a romantic,” you laughed. “It’s adorable. I love it.”

He clicked his tongue and looked away, though the little upwards tick in the corner of his lip gave away his stifled smile.

The rest of the night was filled with stolen kisses, little laughs, and sharing one another’s embrace. Astarion truly was something else, and he saw the same in you. You were the kind of dream he’d always held, a perfect lover who was kind and sweet. You were that. You had been next to him as he gained his freedom, encouraged him and trusted him even when you shouldn’t have. And he was so happy that you had made that choice, now.

.

.

Taglist

@adequate-superstar

@be-a-fish

[forthevillains]

Okay so hear me out!

I’ve got a fanfic in mind that I’ve already started and I can’t stop thinking about it and might actually dig into it.

So basically imagine the worst Logan and a woman who’s been around for over 100 years, unable to age just like him, because the time can’t keep up with her, living in shadows her whole life, barely knowing her birth name as she’s gone through nearly everything he has, including war and cage fighting (👀I hate all the small girlies in fics, so yes, she’s muscular and yes, Wade would def ask her to flex her bicep and compare it to his). Fates intertwined by mutations that feel more like a curse than a gift, crossing paths throughout the life, but never doing as much as talking to each other for more than a few minutes, but thanks to Wade, both of them get outta their shitty universe and finally get to know one another.

Just imagine Blair, this energetic bomb of positivity who’s lost so much she can only hold onto optimism, using it to cope with all the shit going down, not really caring about any danger, just wanting her life to have some meaning again and have fun with new people (mostly Wade) who seem so accepting unlike everyone else she’s met. A woman who’s mutation is one of the most powerful ones, yet she can’t even use it properly since it only works when she’s asleep and she just had to have insomnia, so the only thing she gets out of it is that time doesn’t matter to her.

The slowburn, looking like enemies to lovers at first, when in reality we all know Logan’s weakness for women and he just lets his doubts and trauma get in the way, not knowing that the most of it, he actually shares with Blair.

The dynamic between the Wolverine who can barely sleep because of his nightmares, while whenever he’d wake up, Blair would sit next to him, ready to talk, because she’s just given up on sleeping at all. Even if she managed to sleep, her mutation makes her escape her body whenever she does so as this demon looking creature, like a soul leaving her real one. Logan getting flashbacks to Jean’s dual personality, afraid of having to kill this girl as well, only to realize that unlike Jean - Blair is still just Blair. No change in behavior, only appearance.

IM YAPPING I KNOW I KNOW BUT I KEEP THINKING ABT IT AND DEFINITELY GOTTA FINISH IT SOMEDAY

[no-see-um-incorrect]

OK I think you’ve waited long enough 

My apologies if this Sucks Ass

In All My Years 

William/Marie (1/3)

TW ⚠️colm being awful⚠️harmful hands have been placed⚠️cursing⚠️smoking⚠️ arguing⚠️ mentions of past addictions and trauma⚠️

“JOEY! I NEED AN ADAM AND EVE ON A RAFT FOR TABLE SIX. MARIE GET THOSE FRIES TO BOOTH TWO!”

“You got it boss!”

She quickly stacked the plates on her arms and heads over to the table before feeling a buzzing in her pocket 

“here you go that’s two orders of french fries two orders of cheese fries, and two orders of chili fries right?…..good everyone enjoy”

She pulls her phone out of her pocket 

CALLER ID:  David 

“SADIE IM TAKING A TEN”

She quickly hangs up her apron and goes out the back door behind the restaurant. And answers the phone

“hello Marie”

“David sweetheart, I wasn’t expecting your call how’s the morning been treating ya?”

“it’s been going fine other than the fact that Asher almost put regular gas in my diesel truck. this morning has gone smoothly. How about yourself?”

“just trying to get through lunch rush”

“well, I commend you I have a hard enough time making sure tank and Christian don’t rip each other’s heads off I can’t imagine dealing with rude entitled customers”

“well when you got a little over 17 years worth of practice it comes just that little bit easier. So what kind of news gets me a phone call from the big man at the peak of noon?”

“right. Tomorrow we are having a small pack meeting with the house of Solaire.  it will only be a few people, and I would appreciate it if you joined us”

“well…hold on let me see what time?” She hears paper flipping on the other end “does 7:30 work for you?” she thinks for a moment “yeah that’ll work out just fine. Oh and David, by any chance will my son be there?” “yes, I asked Milo to attend as well”

“OK well I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t overwork yourself you hear me young man. Take care of yourself. Make sure you take your lunch break and drink some water all right?”

“yes Marie thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow”

 Curiosity, plagues her thoughts as to why David requested for her specifically. But she doesn’t question it.

The day progressed as it often does and the next thing she knew it was closing time she finishes wiping down the counters and tables, making sure everything’s in their place.

“i’m heading home Sadie”

“you need a ride Marie? It’s pretty dark out there”

“Thanks for the offer hon but I can get home OK. Tell Abigail I said hi” 

“Will do Marie”

Once everyone leaves, Marie locks the door and makes the walk to her apartment.

*BUZZ*

Message from: My little man

“Hey Ma I would normally call you but my phones about to die and I’m out of the house. I Just wanted to say have a good night and get home safe. love ya Ma❤️”

“Love you too baby💋”

She carefully opens the door to her apartment. Cautiously walking down the hall, and upon seeing her partner passed out in the lazy boy in front of the TV.  turns around and head towards the bathroom to wash up.  washing away the day, feeling the tension leave from her head when she puts her hair down.  she ties up her robe and heads to bed. 

—————————-time skip——————————

(⚠️⚠️⚠️ argument⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️)

The day went on as it often does, and  Marie got off of work and her usual Monday time and was now getting ready for a meeting with her pack and apparently a few special guests 

Her hair laid in short coffee curls that just barely grazed her shoulders. The dim light above shining just bright enough to highlight her dark eyes.

“who are you getting all gussied up for?”

She turned her attention to the figure behind her. Her partner leaning against the doorway groggily 

“David’s having a small pack meeting  with the Solaire house….and requested me there.”

She says finishing her makeup. And grabbing her jacket. He scuffs  “still rubbing elbows with mosquitoes Marie..” she discreetly rolled her eyes. “times are different now hon…vampires aren’t as bad as our parents made them out to be…”

Colm slams his fist against the wall “THEY STOLE OUR LAND AND KILLED OUR PEOPLE!”

She was upset at his behavior, but in an effort to not escalate the situation further, she kept her tone calm  “we live in America Colm. Half of history, is people taking land and killing people…the way I see it is easier to form an opinion on an individual then where they came from…..AND you know our pack doesn’t tolerate that kinda attitude” he got up in her face as if trying to intimidate…but if he knew the woman he was talking to for even a day, he would know that she’s beyond intimidation 

“David is just as spineless as his father was…this pack Isn’t even a WOLF PACK ANYMORE!”

“what are you trying to say?”

“our alpha and beta are engaged to humans! One of our strongest is with a Vamp, OUR SON IS-”

“DONT. Do not bring our son into this colm…..the boys are happy and that’s all I care about. I’m not gonna….i’m not gonna fight about that…..I gotta go I’m gonna be late-” he pulls her arm with a death grip “colm That Hurts!” He tightens his grip  “you Do NOT talk back to me woman I AM THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE. YOU LISTEN TO ME! YOU GOT THAT!” Before she could even conjure a response  he was already gone.

She rests back on the wall, slowly sliding to the floor. Her arm stung worse than anything he’s done before. Some tears escape her eyes before she quickly whips them away. “Come on Marie..you got no time for that right now..”

She gets up and stands there for a moment trying to gather her bearings when she hears *PING*

Message from: my little man 

“Me and sweetheart were just about to head out Are you sure you don’t want us to get you? it wouldn’t be a problem”

“i’m good baby I was just about to head out. need some fresh air anyway”

“all right Ma, see you there”

 she put her phone in her pocket and quickly looks in the mirror  before heading out the door.

————————at the pack Den————————-

Marie arrived, just as she sees her son and his mate walking inside. She Quickly makes her way in there, nearly bumping into Sam. “oh, I’m sorry sweetie”  Sam turns to face her a slightly concerned look on his before shifting to a smile  “oh, you’re fine Miss Greer. if you’re looking for Milo, I think I saw him and my mate talking to Asher” she gives his arm a squeeze  “thank you hun”

She walks up behind tank  and softly places a hand on their shoulder  “i’m not too late am I?” Darlin gives her a side hug  “you’re good mama M the Solaire’s aren’t even here yet” the slight brush against her arm stung but she tried not to let it show. Milo turns to face his mom before a feeling of concern washes over him “hey Ma… what’s this mark on your arm? Did something happen?” she winces in pain at his touch  “Oh I didn’t realize it left a mark…it’s nothing honey just a little workplace injury” sweetheart appears next to Milo’s shoulder  delicately replacing his hands on Marie’s arm  “here Marie let me get that for you”

“Oh thank you honey” sweetheart quickly heals  the wound with ease the pain relieving from her face  “what kind of workplace injury did that Ma?” “Milo it was just a simple smack from a cupboard nothing ya ma can’t handle no need to worry, baby” he let it go….for now. You see

if Milo knew how his dad was to his mother…….he would commit violent homicide. So Marie kept it from him. she felt that it was easier for him to swallow that his father made a full recovery when he left home vs his father taking out his frustration in new ways.

————————Solaire pov ———————————

William looked out the window seeing the park  passing them by illuminated in fairy lights.

“You know I could have driven us instead of having you waste the extra dime on a car” Vincent spoke catching Williams attention  “oh please Vincent. I have the dime to waste. plus I know you partner wasn’t feeling well I would hate for them to need something while we are gone and be stranded without a car….how are they feeling by the way?” With a soft laugh  Vincent turns his attention to the lock screen of his phone  “they’re in good spirits…they had a nice laugh about how funny it was that a vampire can get food poisoning” William returns his laughter  “….. you’re lucky you know…it is not common for vampires to find love as deeply felt as you both. I have had many people tell me how envious they are of you two….” he turns his attention back to the window. Vincent had a strange feeling after he said that. a strange feeling he wasn’t saying all that he meant. But he let it go.

 William was old, older than the very city he lived in, older than all of its citizens, older than the university that held the cities name.

And to someone who has been around that long The concept of love seems like a faint memory, A movie that he has seen only once or twice but that he hears references from every day. And for some reason he can’t find a place to watch that movie again.

The car arrives at the Pack Den. And the two vampires make their way to the front door when William hears a quite remarkable sound coming from inside.

————————————————————————

“I’m sorry. Did you just say you FELL DOWN A MOUNTAIN?!” he analyzed the voice as it echoed through his brain 

“Heh. Looks like milo’s in trouble again”

“I beg your pardon?”

“you’ll see*Knock knock*…….Asher!”

Behind the door was a tall man with a bright smile

“Hey Vincent! OH! And your highness..” he  attempts to bow before he is stop “no need ash” the younger man nods as they walk inside. William looked around still trying to find that voice. “Oh..um my name is Asher Talbot I’m the  beta of the Shaw pack” he extends his hand out awkwardly. The king returns the gesture “it nice to put a face to the name. David has told me great things” just as he said that David entered the room “William, Vincent. I hope it was Easy Getting here i know it’s not the most convenient spots”

“No trouble. Will had a nice time seeing all the murals on the way here” he shook his hand. “Yes. I don’t get a chance to come to this side of town often..it is quite beautiful”

David gestures to the pack room. Moving the conversation in there

“William there is someone I want you to meet” he signaled across the room. A shorter man in gold chains and casual bright floral button up walks over next to David “Milo. This is king William Solaire. William this is one of our packs strongest. Milo Greer” the smaller man rolled his eyes before speaking “it nice to meet ya William” he shook his hand  “You as well” as the small conversation continued he glances past Milo’s shoulder 

William’s POV:

Oh. Oh my.

She’s standing there.

What a site 

Her body curved in all of the most beautiful places, her skin shines with a copper glow, and that face. Michelangelos statues would be jealous.

“William!”

Nobody’s POV:

“William!”

The older man was snapped out of his thoughts.

“Will. We’re about to start. Are you ready?” He lightly shook his head clearing his thoughts “oh. My apologies we can start now yes”

Maria’s POV:

I was talking to Sam waiting for the meeting to get started. When out of the corner of my eye. I see Vincent and Milo. and….Oh

I make eye contact with the man shaking hands with my boy.

Well, ain’t he a looker. 

“Sam honey, who is that man standing next to Vincent?” Sam turns around. Before facing me again “That’s my king William.  don’t be fooled by the slightly intimidating appearance he’s a very nice man” bold of him to assume his appearances  isn’t very nice too.

 Chiseled face, silver Fox…..Wait NO Marie Greer WHAT are you thinking!?-Oh he’s looking at me..oh

Eyes. he’s looking…at me…..oh those eyes-

FOCUS MARIE!

Nobody’s POV

“Today we are joined by the house of Solaire. Who you may also know as the vampire clan that shares our Sam collins. Everyone meet king William and I’m sure most of you know of his prince. Vincent”

“It is a pleasure to meet all of you”

The meeting went on as most pack meeting do. Although to be completely honest, none of it was absorbed.  the two were too busy dancing there glances and attention around each other.  almost like a little game that neither of them knew they were playing. a game of who could look the longest without getting caught by the other.  who could take in the most information about the others appearance before the other turns their head. Of course William spoke when he needed to and Marie added her input where she felt necessary. But nothing more. 

At the end of the meeting they both mingled about until Milo decides to introduce her.

“William this is my Ma. Marie” quite enthusiastically She extends her hand out in front of her.  “Sam tells me a lot about you. It’s a pleasure to meet ya” he softly turns her hand and kisses the back of her palm  “And It is more than a pleasure to meet you Miss Greer” the corners of her mouth curl up into a soft grin “well ain’t you sweet” “well it is not every day I see someone like you in my glances. Sam as well as Vincent and your son here has told me a lot about you. All good things I can assure you”

————————————————————————

Darlin walks out of the pack den  and sees Vincent sitting on the bench, a trail of smoke following his hand with the small amber illuminating his rings 

“you smoke?” he quickly looks up at the unexpected voice before relaxing his head again “lovely doesn’t like it, but takes the edge off every now and again….want one?” he tilts the open box towards them  “what kind?” he squints at the label “Marboro black menthol 100s..” they shrug their shoulders and walk over to the bench sitting beside him  “yeah sure why not”

“so..what kind of edge are you trying to takeoff with these Princey” he signed rubbing his eyes with his palms “…..i’m just worried about Will I guess....I mean Williams a nice guy…sometimes too nice ya know. He’s not the kinda guy to let you know that somethings wrong” Darlin takes a drag of the cigarette  “*Coughs*.. so how can you know if somethings wrong if he won’t tell you” “exactly! Like he seems content enough, but  what does he do? He watches Bob Ross, buys properties AND READS  but he doesn’t hang out with people he’s not that kind of dude and I don’t want him to-” “feel lonely? Yup been there before”

Vincent puts the finished cigarette in the ashtray and rests his elbows on his knees  “I wouldn’t stress about it too much Vinny he’s been around for however fucking long i’m sure he’s come up with ways to deal with loneliness….but I will tell you one thing…” they put out the half finished cigarette on their finger and stuff it behind their ear “I saw how he was looking at a particular pack member of mine tonight and..…something tells me Willy Boy won’t be lonely for too long” they say before quickly running back inside  “WAIT HOLD ON! what do you mean?”

He rushes inside to see darlin peering behind a doorway 

“Look!” They whisper, signaling him to come next to them. What does he see?. William

But he’s not alone 

“And Asher was the worst of them always taking dares and bets. he barely knew how to ride a bike without training wheels on LET ALONE! Down A damn near vertical hill” William laughed with a smile that could light up a room “and I thought The newborns were a handful! They must consider themselves lucky to have such an impressive  healer in their pack and you son must be grateful to have a good teacher” she shrugs her shoulders  “actually Milo never had much interest in healing magic BUT he had plenty interest in the ration of shit territory. I was younger when I had him, and peoples opinions about that were less than forgiving….so I wanted to raise him with a strong spine and a loud voice so he can dish out just as much as he takes ya know” the king nods in agreement “from what David tells me you’ve done a splendid job at that…now forgive me if I am speaking out of turn but. Is his father with us?”

She signed with a small smile “he’s at home…Colm is a…character alright..” William slightly tilts his head in confusion “he must consider himself a very lucky man to have a woman like you by his side” her brain rattled with the events from earlier “yea I don’t know if that’s how he’d phrase it” William looks her in the eye with a genuine smile “well that’s how I would phrase it” she smiled at the comment “Thank you. That’s quite the compliment from someone like yourself” he raises an eyebrow  “Someone like myself?” An almost devious smirk appears on her face “yea..a looker such as yourself saying, something like that about Little old me. i’m flattered” he was slightly taken aback at her boldness but instead of taking it back, he double down  “i could say more if you’d like. I must confess ever since I first walked in here…my mind has been filled with an abundance of things to say”

“Oh is that so~” “MA! You ready to go!” before the king could respond Milo had intervened. “just a second hon!” She reaches into her purse and grabs a small notepad and a pen. Quickly scribbling something. and handing it to William  “give me a call..if you wanna chat some more” William takes the paper and smiles  “I will. Thank you. it was wonderful meeting you Miss Greer”

“oh please. call me Marie”

—————————Time skip———————————

Time went on as time often does… but this time it’s different.

Marie and will had been taking nearly every day since then. And yes, you heard that correctly. “will”

Not William, not Mr. Solaire 

Just Will.

They would talk about life and like William said he had no shortage of giving Marie any compliments  that didn’t cross a particular unsaid line.

“special delivery for a Miss Marie Greer?” Marie rushed to the front of the diner “I’m Miss Greer. What’s this about a delivery?” The delivery boy handed her a small bouquet of orange roses.  “these were sent for you. Have a wonderful day” the delivery driver left and Marie was just a tad bit clueless as to who would send her flowers at her place of work. That is until she read the card. 

“Orange roses. Bright and bold. reminds me of someone I know…”-WS

With a big grin on her face she rolls her eyes, and sets the flowers down to take off her apron “SADIE IM GOING ON LUNCH!” Flowers in hand she exited to the back of the diner.

*ring ring ring* “this is William Solaire speaking”

“Hey will” you could practically hear her grin though the phone “I take it you received the flowers I sent?” “Yea. I did. Thank you By the way these are gorgeous” “well I would only except the best. How has the workday been treating you?” She smiled. slowly turning the flowers in the sun ray. “well, it’s been work. im doing a little bit longer of a shift than usual but nothing I can’t handle” “my dear. It is a shame that you have to work so hard. you deserve to be pampered every now and then for how many hours you work” she laughed at the thought. Pampered. sadly, that word had almost become foreign to her.  “i’m a big girl Will. I can handle a longer day…thank you though these flowers made my day brighter” “it is my pleasure….I would hate to cut our conversation short but I’m afraid I have a meeting with my progeny…in a few minutes my sincere apology. If you are not busy, we could talk in person later?” as he said that Marie’s Boss called for her “…….I’ll have to see” “please feel free to decline. Just know I am available” “i’ll keep it in mind Will. thank you”

They both say their goodbyes. And she heads back to work putting the flowers in a vase in the office so they wouldn’t dry out before she got Done. The workday continued like it normally did but Marie’s mind seemed occupied. And her smile seemed just a little bit wider. 

It was 8 o’clock time for closing. Marie sat in the office waiting for her boss to hand her her tips. Holding the vase of beautiful orange flowers. Delicately examining each pedal. Lost in a daydream. “who’s the lucky guy” she’s quickly brought out of her daydream by the sudden voice in the room. “OH! Sadie. I’m sorry I didn’t see you there” Sadie sits down and starts counting the money. “answer the question Marie. who’s the lucky bastard sending you flowers. I know for a fact it’s not that bum ass husband of yours…”

“SADIE!” She would say she’s shocked. But Sadie has never liked Colm…to be fair no one really liked Colm. But next to Milo, Sadie was on the top of that list. “What? I’m right aren’t I?” Marie rolled her eyes and slouched down in the chair  “he’s just a friend…” “A Friend that has You smiling brighter that I never seen you when he calls, A Friend That sends you a dozen orange roses..is this the same friend that was flirting with you at your pack meeting?” Marie was quiet. but that told Sadie all she needed to know. “Look Marie. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life but I am going to tell you to START LIVING IT. Your Life isn’t there to serve others life is there for you to live it for yourself…” Marie remembered what Will said earlier  “Just know. I’m available” and “my dear” about how those words felt. About all the things he said he liked about her, her laugh her smile, her eyes. All things that have been critiqued about her. 

she thinks about how William kissed her hand, About how soft his lips felt. About how when they were talking it felt like an eternity long conversation she didn’t want to end….that’s how every conversation felt. about how she felt listen to not ignored, about She felt talked to and not talked down to.

Then she thinks about Colm…

About her when her son was growing up, she barely saw him and when she did he was lecturing her about something she didn’t do, or about something she didn’t do “correctly” she thought about how even her late alpha one of the most kind men she knew, told her that she could do better. About how even her son said that she Deserved better.  she thought about his shouts. the things he’s broken in his hissy fits.

she didn’t want this.

She wanted to feel safe, she wanted to feel cared about and respected.

“…..Thanks for the advice Sadie….I’ll think about it” she puts her tips in her bag and heads out. As she walks to her apartment her head won’t stop ringing.

What if colm is just acting how a significant other supposed to act? 

What if it was all in her head? What if she’s just grasping at straws and William doesn’t actually-*Ring Ring Ring*

Caller ID: Will

“hey Will” she can hear him talking to someone in the background, but not loud enough for her to make out what they’re saying  “hello dear. I trust the rest of your shift went smoothly?” Was she hearing things or did he sound actually nervous? “oh yeah. the shift went great…and you will be happy to know that these pretty flowers you sent me lasted through lunch rush” William lets out a soft laugh  “I am happy to hear. Now to the reason I called you….. I have a request..An invitation if you will” “an invitation?…. what kinda invitation?” She hears he take a deep breath. Before responding “I would love to take you out to dinner tomorrow night.. if you are willing” she stops in her tracks. Did she just hear him ask what she think she heard him ask  “….Will honey feel free to call me a fool, but are you asking me out on a date?”  she replies with the biggest shit eating grin painted across her face. 

“….we’ll i….I am comfortable with calling it whatever you want…but yes I will confess I did have the idea of a date in mind” “we’ll….then a date it is. See you tomorrow night will” she can hear papers shuffling around  “does 8:30 work for you?  the sun will just be setting so it’ll make things a lot easier” “8:30 works fine will. I’ll see you then. goodnight”

“Goodnight my dear. Get home safe”

ah fuck. Ok this sucked and I’m really sorry.  I realize this is the longest fic I’ve ever made.  and I double realized that I’m really bad with formatting and other things… next one will be better I promise. Um thank you for being so patient for everyone who has been waiting for this.  it has been very much appreciated.  I hope everything is somewhat enjoyable. Y’all have been super awesome and  have hyped me up so much…so I’m sorry if this is bad

Forgive me for any spelling errors 

TAG: @frog-0n-a-l0g @foggytimemachineinternet @weepingredwillow @antipasto-the-theif @prince-damien-of-darkness @everything-redacted-and-others @evansotherthoughts @astranephele

[camp-queer-and-there]

lucille my old hag can you hit that

THIS SHIT LACED😭 im forreal a freak just lmk👀👅 ohio skibidi toilet oi oi oi😏 maxdesignpro WHAT!? HELP ME! HELP = 👍 fetus sebastian hes so ugly i cant would you rather have 1 million dollars or CANCER! art is lowkey so amazingly beautiful...gigachad sigma LET HIMM COOK!🗣️🗣️ uwu >_< anyone got anyone spongebob x reader👀 only in eastern latvia💀 ohio final boss grimace shake charlie the steak ishowspeed kai cenat the amazing digital circus pomni garten of banban caseoh gyatt super mogger looksmaxxing based and redpilled diabolical lick😈erm what the sigma oh! thats not!- getting my top surgery done at claires POV: youre ben shapiros mom and hes convincing to let him get gta5 i feel like calling you a slur.. what type of gay are you, since you dont have it in your bio... the european mind cannot comprehend this drew phillips: hello im drew phillips the ahh magic i finna be in the pit on cap. 123°!? gurrrll we are not thanksgiving turkeys😂and thats on period fahrenheit lankybox elisocray INSANE UNBOXING! gegagedigedagedago we can go gyatt for gyatt fuck that we can go rizz for rizz 19 bucks for the fortnite card double pump with the fanum tax THE BIG APPLE! drake vs kendrick beef p diddy dr disrespect annoying orange if garlic was a person my name is drake and im here to say.. kendrick lamar your disses arent okay! diss me diss me now you gotta kiss me quandale dingle mf doom dookie baby girl my pookie wubbleshmubble kins whats hurts more than being yelled at be skinned alive probably pov: i am your cashier during february (and i notice you are black) you look like tyler the creator if he was in my dreams ray william johnson sybrian dancing lady oh when the saints go marching in oh when the saints go marching in todoroki gives birth alone jumbo josh is lost in the zumb sauce lightskin touch the moon bozo cant im walking my fish why are frogs so stupid show me your griddy show me your griddy.... show me your... DOHHH THATS ONE WAY TO HIT THE GRIDDY. THATS ONE WAY TO HIT THE GRIDDY grwm to go to bath and body works temu workers getting ready to clock in day in the life of a twitch streamer your final challenge.. let yo bih go through your phone!... AH HELL NAW YO ASS TWEAKIN JIGSAW quavo stop thats the gayest shit ever amoeba sisters angst preppycon 2024 kart ride into spongebob youve been here before.. a weirdcore dreamcore kidcore clowncore playlist. my talking tom her body tea is insane😭 my aura is unmatched DO NOT PLAY CREEPY BATH GAME AT 3AM!!!!!!!! *THIS IS WHY* ALMOST DROWNED school isnt done but i am💀 omg u did call me baby.. maybe ..omg did he call her baby.. maybe.. im not okay..... bark for me. pov family dinner😭💀why u so pissed ...what me when i get mustard for christmas yall when i put on my dad fit "FREAKYbob" I AINT ANSWERING!! HELPP IM DEADDDD wait no im not maya winky boyfriend takes you out to eat but his opps slide on him [boyfriend asmr] mrbeast might ne TOO BIG to he cancelled squid games i hope someone dies and goes to hell today me staring at the sephora employee in the eye as i "sample" a $800 perfume cats when you cover their cage with a blanket blud thinks hes the main character💀 omg a rare gyatt sighting ninja fortnite sneako the ocky way new yorkian vermontian how 10 yr old me felt after putting "i dont speak tags" in an argument holy fricking smokes dude.. my cut is insane... shout out to my barber dawg! bro thinks hes the thinker waterless baked water what i would wear to my isis execution why did my dog just punch me😓 #STOPBULLYING💯

i mean.. i kind of ocd😁 you mean OBESity stop doing the golden freddy pose youre scaring the kids when a client wants to trauma dump first session when i dont have enough diamonds on episode so now i gotta shit in the school hallway in front of my crush phone and youtube video lobster activity someone shot trump in the ear he wouldnt have missed goku drip well my mother always said the best flowers get picked first dudes been waiting for his mcflurry since 1786 ladies ladies one at a time please😍 rio de janeiro the oppblock hazbin hotel boy rejoice creepy autism simulator my scary silent hill whos ivan mac n cheeks freak island home sweet home.. blud always looking at sum😭😭😭when face id acting up so you gotta LOCK IN fuck im washed WAIT IM GOATED why the mob isnt a fucking aesthetic: a thread this where the magic happens👅 style griddy👀

what

- ⌛

[emptymasks]

so.. i sure feel like i invested a lot into a show just for them to not care in the end. and this isn't a 'wah they killed of my fave character so show bad'.

the pacing felt weird, right? i wonder if they wanted 10 episodes but the network only gave them 8? or maybe they just didn't know how to end the show. maybe they're scared they won't get a season 3 and so rushed the end of season 2?

but to build up izzy, to have him talk about belonging to something... only to have him die without anyone telling him they love him. yeah ed said they're family but like. the whole thing felt so sudden, from him being the one with richard to getting shot to dying and then to suddenly haha the silly guitar music is playing guys its funny joke time. like. ed was upset as izzy was dying but then it seemed at his burial that no one really cared. it would have been more impactful if his death had been the final scene of the season.

but wouldn't it have been much better to show izzy finding a family? to have him captain the revenge? to contrast with season 1 and how the crew hated him when he was in charge. to end season 2, end the show, with him captaining the crew and having their respect and their love?

because it really didn't feel like he died for the crew, for his family. because he push someone else out of the way to save them he just got outsmarted by richard (since when is izzy that stupid or not strong enough to hold onto a man?) and got shot. like idk you could have had him die protecting ed or stede or the crew. how on earth could izzy not hold onto a man who's physically weaker than him and how the hell did he let someone else grab his fucking gun. or wait im re-watching it looks like richard just.. grabbed a gun out of his own coat.. i.. did no one search this man and take his weapons off him.. what the fuck.. no im sorry there's no excuse that doesn't make sense for no one to have taken his weapons away that just seems like bad writing.

if you were going to kill him off he deserved a better death.

but he deserved a better ending than this. what's the point of him having this arc of finally caring about people if he dies and it seems no one really cared other than ed and fang?

omg i just read as i'm writing this that jenkins does have a plan for a season 3. okay so now it's only acceptable if con wanted to leave the show so they had to kill off izzy but they still should have done it better. have him fending off the english so the crew can escape. have him taking a bullet for ed. something that means something. omg.

and ed and stede... i don't feel like they're ready for this yet. the only way they should be living together is the end of the show. not the end of a season. they literally only just got back together they need time to grow together.

you really said its a show about people finding love and happiness and then killed off the queer disabled character who got to die while telling his abuser that he loved him. the ending feels like the show saying 'actually not everyone deserved love, if you were an izzy fan you were right to get hate' like. he deserved to be loved by the crew, to be told that they cared. but he didn't get that.

also um?? the crew dont love ed. he literally only just finished torturing them, some of them have ptsd and trauma from what he did to them, and even if they want to forgive him they certainly do not love him yet. they cared much more about you izzy than they did about ed.

and then to have him shot in the left side, the place that ed showed in season 1 was a 'safe place' to get injured i. what.

where the fuck was roach? just watching? not trying to help? does he either not care or not think it's worth trying to save him??

IM SORRY BUTTONS CAN TRANSFORM INTO A BIRD, AUNTIE CAN SURVIVE AN EXPLOSION, JACKIE AND SWEDE ARE IMMUNE TO POISON, BUT IZZY GETTING SHOT IN HIS LEFT SIDE UH OH THAT'S DEATH SORRY.

i love the crew, i love zheng. i like stede and ed's romance but they're never the reason i watched the show. but i found izzy's arc the most meaningful to me. and i. i really don't think i'm going to watch a season 3 if there is one. not just because izzy's not there, but that last episode just felt like they don't care or don't know how to write anymore in a way that i enjoy at least.

to see someone like izzy (who's backstory i thought we would get, at least who the ring belongs too that he wears around his neck but no okay) he disliked because he has to be, he doesn't know how to be soft and be loved or how to love others. to show that a person who has been hurt so much and built themself so hard and buried their real self so far below.. to see that person be able to find themself again, to love others, to let themself be loved, to others see who they are. that meant so much.

so much for this being a happy queer show. for a lot of people he felt like this representation of an older queer man who's just coming out of the closet, exploring himself, there's not another character like that. the disability representation with him this season i've seen has meant a lot of people. his arc isn't the same as any others and a lot of people have found something very personal to connect to in that and i think they have a right to be upset.

to say it makes sense for him to be killed off for the narrative because ed needed to let him go... sounds cruel? izzy is a person, he's not a narrative object to make ed feel better about himself. to have ed abuse izzy, physically abuse him, and then izzy's arc ending with him apologising as if it was his fault (yes he encouraged blackbeard, but please let's not victim blame, let's take male victims of abuse seriously) and saying he still loved ed i just..

to say it makes sense narratively for him to get killed off for other reasons i don't fully disagree, but i think it was too soon, and i think at least it should have been in a way that made sense like him protecting the crew, not allowing richard to STILL HAVE HIS GUN ON HIM DID NO ONE CONFISCATE HIS WEAPONS?? or did he take izzy's gun in which case HOW how would izzy allow richard to take his gun. he's smart and a capable fighter what is this.

i saw someone else say izzy's death had no meaning and no consequence. and they're right. the crew moved on straight away and forgot about him (apart from fang, shout out to fang), and seemed like they didn't care. they aren't seeking revenge. they aren't angry. so it's for.. ed and stede to get together? izzy deserves more than that. and they could have still gotten together anyway... if it's for ed to move on then fuck that. an abuser doesn't get to move on from the abuse he caused because his victim fucking died.

i'd been looking forward to this episode all week after i really terrible week and well. should have known nothing this week was going to plan.