#and just when i think im ready to let go of the trauma... i got this nightmare.

[sunflawyer]

just woke up from a bad dream where i found people on twt mocking my selfship and calling it 'cheating' and 'bland'.

wow, this just brings back my trauma.

awful.

[eomayas]

chasing pavements • hjs

pairing: husband!joshua x wife!reader, parent au

genre: angst, hurt/comfort

synopsis: just reader and joshua being parents

warnings: parental woes, arguments, past childhood trauma, girl-dad!joshua, their child is nameless and is called ‘baby’

a/n: the people asked for dad!shua but nobody said which kind…🤭 anyway this was v random and is very parent-y so beware!

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sighing out a deep breath, you open your eyes and try to make your voice as gentle and even as possible. “i’ve asked you to clean up your mess three times now, baby. i’m not going to ask you again,” you stop stirring the spoon in the pot to look over your shoulder at her. she’s busy dragging her crayons over a coloring page, not bothering to look up at you.

“but im not done!” she whines, bottoms lip jutting out with the beginnings of a tantrum. you tense and and blink a few times as she just whines, tiny hand holding the crayon tightly in her hand. she’s not even coloring inside of the lines, just streaking the colors over the sheet haphazardly.

“dinner is almost ready. clean it up,” you voice is stern, tension in your tone rising as well as in your posture. you grip the ladle tightly in your fist, your other hand braced against the kitchen counter. “if i have to ask you again, then-“ the consequence dies on your tongue at the sound of the lock clicking and the front door opening. she gasps and shoots up from the table, loose crayons scattering across the wood floors.

“papa!” she shouts, running down the hall to greet joshua. you close your eyes and push out a breath from your nose. your jaw is tight as you turn back to face the stove. “look at what i got from school today! oh, and you missed seeing soobin today!”

“yeah? what is it?” he’s pressing a kiss to her cheek as he enters the kitchen, making her giggle when he blows raspberry against her skin. joshua sets her down so she can run to her backpack. “hey, baby.” he says, a hand sliding around to your hip and his lips pressing against your jaw in a greeting.

“hey,” you shrug him off of you and turn the burner down to low heat. “uh-uh, you can show daddy after dinner. go clean up,” you say, stopping her short when she comes back with a paper from school clutched in her hands.

that bottom lip juts out again and her eyes dart over to joshua for help. it only frustrates you more, because all three of you know that she has him in her palm. “well- joshua, stop.” you bark, throwing your arm out to the side to push against his abdomen. “go clean up the table so we can eat dinner.” her eyes well up with tears, and you feel like the biggest asshole in the world for making her cry. you remember a brief moment of yourself as a child and being scared each time your father asked you to do something. he never had to ask you or your siblings more than once—you all found out the hard way—and worry that you’re doing the same thing to her.

she huffs and spins around, her walk mopey as she puts her paper back into her bag and starts to slowly pick up the crayons. you feel joshua start, his hand gently pushing yours away as he makes his way over to her. “i’ll help you, princess,” he says and you grit your teeth.

“joshua, stop! i’ve asked her six times now, she needs to listen!” you’re on the brink of snapping, another word out of him or her is very likely to send you over the edge. it’s rough. the day was shitty from the jump, but you didn’t think it would be this bad by the end.

you expect joshua to at least have your back when you put a number on it, he looks over at you before glancing down at your daughter with sad eyes. “y/n, she’s just a baby.”

“goddamnit, joshua! let me do this!”

and then the dam breaks. her wail ripples through you like an electric current, setting off all of the alarms and signals that let you know your daughter is in trouble. except, you put her in this position, and now your heart has sunk to your stomach. joshua hurries to pick her up, cradling her against his chest and smoothing his hand over her hair. you stay rooted at your place by the stove, ignoring the sting in your nose and the newly formed lump in your throat. joshua shushes her softly like he used to when she was much smaller, but she just keeps wailing.

her cries slice through your heart and shred it to pieces. you want to walk over to her and hold her, tell her that you’re sorry, but you don’t think it’ll help. “baby- i’ve got it,” joshua cuts you off this time, cutting his eyes at you as he keeps trying to console her.

it only frustrates you more, and your anger is misplaced when you spit out, “deal with dinner, then. since you’ve got everything,” and storm out of the kitchen, your heels punctuating the end of the conversation. you fly up the stairs and into your bedroom, kicking off your shoes into your closet.

you stand there, in the middle of the walk-in, with your hands on your hips as you take in deep, shuddering breaths. your vision blurs with tears that you don’t let fall, instead blinking them away as you try to regain control over your breathing. her crying face swims through your mind and you almost forget why you’re so upset. almost. but unlucky for her, you’re not as easily swayed like joshua is.

grabbing a sweatshirt and a pair of pants off of their hangers, you quickly undress from your work outfit, and pull onto the much more comfortable clothes. you shove your feet into a pair of sneakers and push out a breath. her cries echo through the house, and you wince at her gasping breaths. it’s muffled, but you can hear joshua trying to calm her down, though whatever he says makes her let out a piercing wail that makes you flinch. it all feels too much; your guilt, her crying, your frustration at the both of them for different things.

you slip out of the bedroom and move as quickly and quietly as you can down the stairs. you force your eyes away from the kitchen and grab your purse off of the accent table in the foyer, and leave the house without a word.

i’m just like my father.

the thought rang through your head the the moment you pulled out of your neighborhood. it almost brought you to tears, but you managed to keep them in again. and you almost turned back, but couldn’t. you have the harrowing realization that the more you fought to be better than him, you ended up a mirror. it makes your stomach flip and turn, but yet you still don’t turn around.

time is a flat circle.

there’s not a place you’re heading for. you’ve just been driving on the back roads for nearly two hours. the sun set a long time ago, and now the sky is dark and unwelcoming. you should go him, you know it, but facing your husband isn’t something you feel up for at the moment.

turning into a dimly lit convenience store parking lot, you pull into a space and out your car in park. you sigh and lean back against the headrest, shutting your eyes and reminding yourself to breathe. you visualize a square and practice the breathing exercise your therapist taught you. in for four, out for four, her voice echoes through your head. it calms down the storm brewing inside of you and brings you back down. that voice in the back of your head, the one telling you that you’re just like your own dad, gets a little quieter.

your phone buzzes in the cup holder, and you pick it up.

joshua: you don’t have to tell me where you are, just lmk that you’re ok.

you: i’m okay.

you gnaw on your bottom lip, deciding that it’s time to go home. it’s past your daughters bedtime now, and you can guarantee that she’s already tucked in and asleep. at least you won’t have to deal with the both of them tonight.

on your way home, you pass a donut shop that is surprisingly open. you stop and quickly run in. the pastries surprisingly look fresh for 8pm, and order half a dozen of your daughters favorite (chocolate with sprinkles, and maple), before heading to the car to make your way home.

the stress of the day starts to weigh on you halfway home. the morning started out rough; joshua had to go into work early, so taking your daughter was your duty. from the moment you woke her up, she was in meltdown mode. you take the blame for rushing a seven year old, but you let her have juice in her lunch instead of the usual water, so you figured that it evened everything out. but then you were late from picking her up from the after school program she sometimes goes to if neither you nor joshua can pick her up, and she whined about it the whole way home. never mind the fact that your workday was filled with hour-long, unnecessary meetings.

you yawn as you pull into your neighborhood and up to your driveway. you stall in the car for a moment, looking at the dark house in front of you, save for the bright porch light. there’s a chance that joshua has gone to bed, but in your heart of hearts you know that he’s waiting up for you. deciding to just deal with your life, you grab the box of donuts and your belongings, and get out of the car.

you quietly make you way into the house, lightly shutting the front door and locking it behind you. just the sight of the kitchen makes you tense, and when you walk in you’re met with a clean kitchen table and floor, no signs of there ever being a previous mess. you put the donuts away in the fridge to keep them fresh.

with a sigh, you exit the kitchen and start up tje stairs, footsteps light just in case the stairs creak. you step into your bedroom with a quiet sigh, and shut the door. the light from the en suite bathroom shines through the cracked door, and you can hear joshua in there. grabbing some pajamas, you pull on a tshirt just as joshua comes into the room. “hey,” he says, voice soft.

“hi,” you tug the shirt over your head and toss your other clothing items into the hamper. he lingers near the bathroom door with his arms crossed over his chest, watching you as you make yourself busy with little things.

“we need to talk about earlier,” joshua says. you don’t look up at him as you apply hand cream.

you take a moment before responding. “okay,” you breathe out, roughly massaging the lotion into your skin. you hear joshua shuffle on the other side of the room.

“you can’t yell at her like that,” joshua says gently. you sit up and stare across the room at a family photo, blinking a few times.

“i know. but i asked her six times to do something, and she still didn’t even do it. you need to let me discipline her,” you say, finally looking over at him. he uncrosses his arms to run a hand through his hair, letting out a sigh as he does.

“she’s just a baby.”

“she’s seven.”

“she’s a little girl, honey,” joshua says, like that changes anything. you two are usually on the same page when it comes to disciplining her, though she doesn’t really get disciplined because she’s an good kid. you thought he’d understand your frustration today, but he doesn’t and you feel like your back is against the wall.

the fight in you is gone, though a flicker or your earlier anger lights inside of you upon hearing him talk. “okay, and i shouldn’t have to tell her to do something six times. she should just do it the first time,” you say, looking at him pointedly. he pokes his tongue in his cheek, and you know he doesn’t agree with you and is holding back whatever he wants to say. “and, i don’t need you to step in when im trying to teach her something. you need to let me parent her.”

“are you implying that i don’t parent her?” he asks, head tilting to the side. you squeeze your eyes shut and swallow the frustrated groan at the back of your throat.

“i’m not implying anything. im telling you that you need to let me teach her things, without interrupting me. because she’s going to think that she can get out of everything if she looks at you,” you say. joshua purses his lips and looks down at his feet, nodding slowly. “you have to stop babying her, joshua.”

asking him to do that is like asking him to recolor the sky: it’s impossible. one look at her and his entire backbone shatters. it’s sweet sometimes, until you need him to enforce some rules.

“fine, alright? but you can’t yell at her like that. you heard how she cried afterwards,” he says, his voice less gentle than before. you blink at him and drag a hand down your face. you’re ready to put this conversation to bed—nothing feels like it’s going to get resolved tonight. “she was scared, baby. remember that night when i met your dad? she had that same look on her face.” your stomach drops at the memory.

the first time you let joshua meet your dad was also the last time he saw him, until your daughter was born. you were in college, and had only been dating joshua for a few months, but you felt so sure about him. he was the first person you felt so sure about, and it scared you, but you felt like in order for joshua to understand you and to love you, he had to meet your dad. he’d met everybody else in your family, but you were putting off him meeting your dad because of how your father is. the night started out fine, everybody was generally getting along with each other and joshua was fitting in. you were on edge, worried that something would happen so much so that you weren’t able to relax. you were running around trying to help your mom with the kitchen, be a good host to joshua, and avoid pissing off your dad.

and then it happened. you can hardly recall the reason now, since you’ve really tried to block it out of your memory, but you forgot a dish, or burned something that he wanted in particular, and he flipped out. you were in your twenties, so you didn’t have a problem standing up for yourself at that point. but because your new boyfriend was there, and it was humiliating that he was yelling at you like that in front of company, all you could do was cry. you begged him to stop with tears streaming down your face, begged him not to say things in front of joshua. he ignored your pleas as they only made him explode. joshua tried standing up for you, but your dad yelled at him too, claimed joshua was ‘disrespecting’ him, and told him to get out.

joshua left but took you with him. he kissed your mom and siblings goodbye, and whisked you out of the house. you were so embarrassed that you could hardly talk through the tears. you expected joshua to break up with you after that, and managed to ask if he was going to leave you. he stayed and proposed to you five months later, and you quietly eloped together, only a few of your friends knowing about it.

“i’m not like him,” you say, throat closing. joshua’s face falls and his features soften as your eyes well up with tears, already moving to walk over to you.

“no, you’re not,” he clarifies, sitting next to you on the bed and pulling you into his chest. you press your fists into your eyes and try to control your breathing while he softly rubs your back. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to upset you.” joshua whispers, kissing your head as you tremble in his arms. he keeps his lips pressed to your hair and lets you fight the tears, never once letting go of you.

your eyes ache from pressing against them and you pull your hands away, sniffing and trying to pull yourself away from him. joshua only holds onto you tighter which makes your eyes well up again, and you can’t believe you’ve been brought to tears more times tonight than in the year so far. “i left,” you mumble weakly.

“you came back.”

“but i left.”

joshua pulls back enough to look down at you. you look up at him with sad eyes and he lets go of you to wipe your face. “and you came back. you’re nothing like him, baby. you’re a good mom, a good wife, and you care. you left, but you came back. water under the bridge,” he says, pushing your hair out of your face. you blink tears away as he peers down at you before leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips.

“i love you. and im sorry,” you murmur, wiping under your eyes.

“i love you too, and we both have things to work on.”

you nod, and let him hold you until you eventually doze off, headache and all. you only wake up in the middle of the night because you’re uncomfortable, and move to your side of the bed. joshua still tugs you back into his chest and the two of you mange to stay that was until the morning.

when you wake, joshua is right behind you. he talks you down when you panic about facing your baby. “does she hate me?” you ask, wiping sleep out of your eyes.

“of course not,” he says, a small frown on his face. you want to tell him to wait until she’s a teenager, but he looks distraught enough at your question, so you just nod.

she’s asleep when you peek in her room, sprawled out on her small bed. you creep over quietly and kneel beside her, gently shaking her shoulder. she wakes up easily, stretching her short limbs before she opens her eyes. “mommy?” she mumbles, rubbing her eyes with a small yawn.

“hi, baby,” you say, smoothing a hand over her head. she looks up at you timidly, and your stomach knots. “did you sleep okay?” she nods and you give her a small smile. “mommy’s sorry, baby. i didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“it’s okay,” she says, sitting up. it’s not, but you’ll take her accepting your apology. “can i have a hug?” her voice is small, and makes you want to cry because she doesn’t have to ask you for that.

“of course, baby,” you say, wrapping yourself around her and pressing a kiss to her cheek. your hold her for awhile, until she starts to struggle against you. “i got you something.” you say once you loosen your hold around her. her eyes light up and you smile, scooping her up and heading downstairs.

you pull the box of donuts out of the fridge snd she gasps when you open the lid. you let her have a whole donut for breakfast, and promise her half of one after dinner. you apologize again, and she tells you that it’s okay again. one day, you’ll let her know that she can’t just say ‘it’s okay’ whenever somebody apologizes, but for now you let it be.

[m4yasnotthatcool]

Can we have Andrew and Reader have a life after the events of the game (In the Bulletless Decay route)?

Reader would be an exchange student who would have gone to stay with the Graves family, but in the end she ended up being another 'victim' of the game's circumstances.

She would be a type of person who was indifferent to almost everything, cold-blooded, with somewhat sociopathic tendencies but with a kind heart.

Okay, let's do this, after Ashley's murder, Andrew and Reader finally got fake teeth and moved somewhere far away, but with all the recent traumas and along with the fear of being abandoned.

Andrew started to have possessive tendencies, a little clingy, toxic, manipulative towards our 'poor thing' Reader and that would result in them having children in the future, to keep her trapped in the coffin with him.

ANDREW GRAVES X F!READER

(a/n: okay so i think i understand what u mean, sorry if its not what you expected, im a little(very) rusty rn at writing) NOT PROOF READ!

okay so first of all, Ashley never liked you, and thats part of the reason Andrew liked you sm

like, yea, he always does whatever his sister wants him to, and he hated himself for falling for you

but there was just something about how you were so indifferent under almost any circumstances (oh how he enjoyed seeing you crack under the pressure when you ate the cultist!)

your cold blooded outer shell was something intriguing to him

he wanted to study you

he wanted to get to know you.

did he care about you from the begining? ha, no.

of course he didnt

his sister hated you, so he hated you too

she was afraid you'd steal him from her so he didnt give you the chance

a couple of days into the quarantine is when he'll finally give in and start talking to you

and low and behold, he loved you from the first interaction

you were just so interesting!

he, of course, felt guilty for going against his sisters wishes, but he still would spend mre and more time just talking to you

after killing ashley i think he would just be in denial

for a really (REALLY) long time he would just wait for her to come back, even tough he knows shes not going to

after somehow getting away and finding a permanent place to stay, you two got in a relationship

both of you had abandonment issues you should treat, but neither of you felt it was necesary

from the start he didnt let you talk to anyone else but him

at first it was something you despited about him, feeling it was too clingy. you needed space, you needed privacy

but at one point those needs started fading away

he would tell you "you dont need anyone else but me. im the only one who is capable of understanding what you went trough! and you're the only one who can understand what I went trough. but its alright! dont worry about me! just worry about yourself and what you want. its not like you care about me anyway."

so you belived him

you didnt need anyone else but him

you told him you didnt want kids

thats one of the many topics you talked about when you met

you didnt feel they fufiled any particular need of yours and you didnt want to have them if you were just going to regret them after

he managed to change your mind

after having your 2nd child with him, you were so far gone that you remained just and empty shell of the person you used to be

the lines between you two started bleeding into eachother and so he absorbed your presence

you were no longer yourself

you were just who he wanted you to be all along

he still loved you of course

also i feel like he would get a lot of his manipulation skills from his sister

or whatever is the feeling he gets thats closest to love

he just needed you to stay

and whenever it seemed like you were ready to fly away, he would cut your wings

________________________________________

final a/n

i know its bad dude, im sorry 😭

if you were to ask me right now what i just wrote i couldnt tell you (like im fr rn)

if you want me to try to re-do it just ask (if u didnt like this one that is)

so uh

thx for asking

and sorry its bad lmao

here are the other fandoms i write for!

have a nice rest of ur day/night!

[mcyt-trios]

PROPAGANDA:

Eclipse Federation:

i dont like them. they ruined my life. Subz and Vitalasy had already partnered in previous seasons but this one, Vitalasy ended up leaving for a few months, leaving Subz alone, and Zam ended up getting close to him after immense trauma at the hands of his former teammates. Zam has done SO many wrongs, including to Subz himself and Subz STILL took him in and made him join Eclipse Federation after Zam died 14 times in a row and got banned then revived by the same player who's been killing him all this time. And it could've been perfect but no, Zam had betrayed his previous team due to them using dupes via exploits, and now Eclipse Federation ALSO has exploits! And he decided that yeah his morals were more important than being loved! And so he murders Vitalasy when he's at his most vulnerable point, lets everyone gaslight him into thinking Vitalasy is an irredeemable evil monster who will never change, even as Vitalasy SAID he was ready to change before the betrayal even happened, Eclipse threw out their whole revenge plans because of Zam's positive influence and he just broke everything. Subz couldn't be with Zam but also couldn't see himself at Vitalasy's side, leaving him alone. Vitalasy hated Zam and yet never killed him or hunted him down, despite Zam acting like he did. And when Vitalasy left, banning himself off from the server, Zam had some time alone to think and realized he fucked up SOOOO bad. And Subz revived Vitalasy and told him to kill him. And ban him. His last wish. His Deliverance. And to make up with Zam. And Vitalasy tried, and they kind of did make up over Subz's death, but then Zam was like "actually im going to kill everyone and destroy the server now. because i want subz back and also because i always do extremely drastic things when i don't need to because i have unchecked mental illnesses i refuse to get help for". And surprisingly when Subz came back he didn't like that! And they ended in tragedy! Eclipse is fucked up. It's a trio that's always about the absence of one person, it's a team that could only happen in one timeline and it was doomed from the very start. But the love was there. It made everything worse, truthfully. But it was there. And that matters. Also as a fun fact Zam himself on twitter has referred to eclipse as a throuple, which is not canon but that's pretty funny. he also stated on stream he didn't want to get therapy because it'd ruin his lifesteal character. and there was a saga where they would "marry" (challenge lost kinda shenanigans) and zam was the only one happy about it. he's not normal. there's something wrong with him. love that for him though sorry for the block of text. I really dislike them. They're my beloveds :3

L'mantrio:

brothers in arms. nothing much to say here I'm bad at propaganda sorey

They're brothers your honor, they're the original 3 members of l'manburg, they're so underrated, they're literally my favorite ever trio

[the-laughing-lunatic]

im sick and I'll about emesis blue solider getting love ill take anything fluffy I need cavities,,,

(I’m so so sorry about how long this one took me, I was struggling with how to fit this into the timeline so I kinda made up some stuff. Thanks for requesting, I hope you enjoy and again so sorry for the wait!)

Emesis Blue Soldier/ Nurse!gn!reader (ROMANTIC)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were assigned as Jane’s private home nurse after he’d been hospitalized since he had no one else to take care of him

The only things you knew about him were from his chart

He wouldn’t talk at all in the first few weeks of you being there, and your interactions were limited to giving him his food and meds

Until one night when you were getting ready to leave you felt him grab your wrist

He was looking up at you with pleading eyes, begging you to stay.

And you did. 

Apparently he had been having night terrors frequently, and they were getting worse

So you stayed by his bed while he went to sleep

…though after about fifty minutes of sitting in a chair, you were tired, and there was an awful lot of space left on the bed. Couldn’t hurt to just lay down for a second…

A few moments after you laid down you felt an arm around you

This is completely unprofessional, I should just leave right now—

Your thoughts were interrupted by a soft hum from Jane in his sleep

He was smiling.

You’d never seen him smile before, and you found yourself wanting to make him smile like this all the time

You stayed the night, and the next night, and the night after that–

You two fell into habit, and over the few weeks you kept a decent bit of your things at his place

One night though when you got into bed, Jane wasn’t there, the clock kept ticking until it was two in the morning, so you decided to look for him

He was sitting in his wheelchair outside with a cigar, looking at the sky

“Jane, what’s the matter?” 

He paused for a moment before responding. “...you should leave here.”

“What? No, Jane, this is my job I’m not going to leave you, why would you say that?”

“You’ll get hurt.”

You sat down on the porch next to his wheelchair. “What makes you think I’m gonna get hurt?”

“Everyone I love gets hurt, I’m going to let you down.” 

You sighed and placed a hand on his, giving a light squeeze at his dejected confession. “I see. How would you let me down?”

“I’m good at loving, I always make–” he paused, remembering something. “—stupid mistakes.”

You gave an empathetic look. “We’re not perfect, I know. Though, I don’t think you can be bad at loving someone, but if you’re sure, I’d be perfectly happy if you just let me love you. If, um, that’s not too assuming of me to say.”

He looked at you for a moment, crushing his cigarette out. “You’re making a mistake.”

You took his hand. “Maybe, maybe not. We’re only going to see if you let me make this ‘mistake’.”

He paused for a moment before giving you a tight hug and crying quietly.

And that’s how y’all started dating 

Still very hesitant with any kind of affection in the beginning, you’re the one who initiates most of it

Even though you make sure not to startle him he still keeps getting caught off-guard and flustered

But when he’s more comfortable with it he likes being around you all the time

One of the things he does the most is tapping out “I love you” in Morse code on you

On your arm, your hand, any part of you he can reach he’ll press those touches to your skin

You’re the person he feels the most comfortable talking to, but he’s still rather quiet of a guy so he likes to express his affection for you in other ways by just being close to you and listening to you talk

Is incredibly grateful for how patient you are with him, and you’re the absolute light in his life as he works through his trauma

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[drabblesbyjubs]

Caress

Astarion x gn! Reader; your boundaries on where Astarion can touch you and where you can touch him have always been a little fuzzy, but he struggles to word what he means when attempting to simply tell you where he doesn’t want to be touched. He tosses out an idea, and the two of you explore your comfort zones. This could be seen at a pt 2 to Just Need Time, its very soft and fluffy, sort of building on that healing aspect.

Fluff, hurt/comfort, non-sexual nudity, some minor sexual content but no actual smut, trauma, Astarion’s backstory stuff, minor spoilers for Astarion’s story in act 3, minors go bye bye pls

I wrote this on my first day at my new job. This fic was born in the kitchens of a nursing home

Intimacy was always daunting to Astarion.

Emotional intimacy was close, it was vulnerable, it was a means to exploit. And it was terrifying. Physical intimacy was a task, something Astarion struggled to enjoy.

More than a few times he had feared you leaving him because he couldn’t provide the intimacy you deserved. He wasn’t always emotionally available, sometimes we was so apathetic he feared you would be disgusted with him, but there were some things he just couldn’t care about. Even if he wanted to, caring was vulnerable, and it wasn’t allowed. Survival of the fittest.

He was next to never physically available for intimacy; either he completely zoned out before you even got his pants off, the thought of a hug lingering too long sent shivers down his spine, or a hand on his hip pulled a fear response from him, making his whip around to face you, ready to push you away.

You were so understanding that it hurt.

Never once did you judge, never once were you angry or upset. That was almost worse than you being angry; just not knowing what you were thinking. The uncertainty was horrible.

Uncertainty over how you thought of him, uncertainty of where he even liked you touching. Sometimes your soft, romantic touches made his heart soar; they were safe, there was no fear, no ulterior motive, only you, at face value. He loved those times. He wished he knew them more. There were so many little places he was and wasn’t okay with you touching him, he couldn’t even keep track of them.

Maybe it was worth finding out.

..

“Darling?” Astarion approached your tent, and you looked up from the book you had been reading, smiling when you saw that handsome face you’d come to love.

“Astarion,” you greeted, setting down your book and standing to meet him. He hugged you, and you held him close. It seemed he was feeling a little touchy today, and you didn’t mind one bit.

“I wanted to talk. Is… now a good time?” Astarion questioned. You felt a pit of nervousness in your stomach; he looked serious.

“Of course, come with me.” You said, leading him in to your tent and shutting it behind you. “What’s wrong?” You asked.

Astarion grabbed your hands tenderly, and you felt nerves twist in your belly.

“I know I haven’t been the best to you.” He began, immediately filling you with doubt and confusion.

“Darling, of course you-“

“Please.. let me get this out.” He gently kissed the back of your hand, and you shuffled nervously.

“I haven’t been the best to you. I’ve been reclusive, and I know you deserve better. The.. the thought of losing you is terrifying. I want to be more open, give you what you deserve, I just… dont know how. I… have a favor to ask of you.”

You gulped nervously. This didn’t seem like he was trying to break up with you… but the way he spoke in such a self deprecating manner, it was so concerning to you.

“What is it, hun?” You asked.

“I.. want you to help me learn where I can and cant touch you. Where you can and cant touch me. I suppose I… just want to admire you. You tell me when and where it’s too much, and you do the same to me. Is… is that okay?” He looked up at you with those beautiful red eyes.

“Like… like what do you mean?” You asked. “Whatever it is, im alright with it, but.. you may have to take the lead, show me what you’d like. Is that alright?”

“I… want to touch you. And want you to touch me.” He hesitantly explained, a shadow of doubt cast over him now. “I dont want it to be… sexual. I… suppose I want to find where im alright with you touching me. And where youre alright with me touching you.”

“Oh,” you said, realization dawning on you. “Oh hun, of course we can do that. That sounds like a great idea.” You kissed the tip of his nose and you smiled seeing the way the tips of his pointed ears flushed.

He smiled, that slight uptick to the corner of his lip, and the way his smile lines showed and his ryes warmed just looking at you. He was so, so beautiful.

You gently cupped his cheeks in your hands, thumbing over the corner of his mouth.

“You’re beautiful,” you muttered, and Astarion rolled his eyes, though his smile didn’t fade for a moment.

“I know. And wonderful, don’t forget.”

You laughed. “And wonderful.” You pulled him in for a kiss, soft and tender. Astarion melted in your touch, his hands lifting to let one wrap around your chest under your arms and the other card through the hair at the back of your head and gently hold you close to him. His lips moved over yours and both of your relaxed in to the kiss.

You pulled away after a moment, saying, “How do you want to do this?”

“Maybe… here, come with me.” He took your hand and lead you to the bedroll in your tent, the two of you sitting on it facing one another. He gave an awkward pause, clearing his throat and saying, “Could… I take the lead, then you take over?”

“Of course,” you say. “Do you want me to take anything off, or keep this all over our clothes?”

“Maybe.. leave our undergarments on, but take off everything else?”

“That sounds alright,” you said. “I have a blanket right there if you need to cover up.” You motioned to the blanket next to the two of you. Astarion nodded in confirmation, and as you began reaching for the hem of your shirt, he asked you, “May I?” He reached your your shirt, pausing before reaching your hands and waiting before moving on.

You smiled, the care and focus in his expression warming your heart. “Of course,” you said. His fingers hooked under the hem of your bed shirt, pulling it up and over your head. The focus in his gaze was wonderful, so careful as if he would shatter you with one wrong move.

He let out a little sigh when he had your shirt off and tossed to the side, as of he had been holding his breath.

“Beautiful as ever,” he whispered, so soft you hardly heard it. You nudged his shoulder with a little laugh. “Gods, Astarion,” you laughed, and he joined you. His hands cupped your cheeks, and he gazed lovingly into your eyes. You had never seen him so… soft. So vulnerable. It was almost like you were looking at an entirely different man to the one you had found in the woods after the illithid ship crashed, the one who had held a knife to your throat and threatened your life. And maybe he really was a different man, after all you had went through.

But he would always be Astarion, forever your little star.

Calloused hands softly traveled down your neck, closely watching you for any reaction. Down your neck, over your shoulders, across your chest. Over your hips and up your stomach, then to your back, scooting close to feel down the line of your spine, to your shoulders, and down your arms, until his fingers tangled in yours.

“Was that alright?” He asked. You nodded, giving him an assuring smile.

“Of course,” you said. You leaned up to kiss him, a gentle peck to his lips before pulling away. Your fingers danced feather light at the hem of his bedshirt.

“May I?” You asked, to which he nodded.

You pulled his shirt up over his head, watching his gaze fall to the ground. It had always made him a little nervous to feel so bare in such an intimate way, but you didn’t let your gaze linger on his body, instead starting how he did, cupping his cheeks.

You moved to trace over the points of his ears, and he laughed softly, relaxing in to your touch as your fingers carded through his hair.

You hands moved to his jawline, before slowly moving to his neck. You watched his smile fade and a more focused expression return. You tilted your head, and he looked to you.

“I’m not sure.” He said, almost as if having read your mind. You nodded; he’d always been iffy about any touch on the side of his neck that Cazador bit him on. You moved on without another word, to his shoulders and his chest. Neither of which he had any complaint over, you noted.

Your fingers ghosted over the muscles of his abdomen, and you noted how Astarion watched your hand with an intent gaze. You thumbed over the top of his pants before gently resting your hands on the small of his back. You looked at him, waiting for him to return your gaze before you asked, “Your back. Is that a no overall?”

He pursed his lips and looked away.

“That… may be situational. I dont mind sometimes, but others…”

You nodded and said, “Don’t worry, my love. I’ll ask you before I ever touch you there, alright?” He nodded, visibly relaxing.

You moved to hook your fingers under the waistband of his pants, once again looking at him for approval before continuing. He nodded, hut you said to him, “Use your words, hun.”

“You can,” he said. He knew you always preferred he be vocal about his consent, instead of implying it. It made it easier for you to judge when he really wanted it.

Sometimes it was hard for him to know when he really wanted it.

Nodding, you gently pulled his pants down, him lifting his hips to help you out. You hummed, seeing him in nothing but his underwear. He truly was beautiful.

Starting with his hips, you pressed your thumbs against his hip bones, before moving to his outer thighs. You felt him grimace a bit, looking up to him.

“It’s alright,” he quickly assured. “Maybe move a little slower, if thats okay?”

“Of course, I’m sorry.” You responded.

Making a note to move more carefully, you moved down to his knees, then his calves. You ran your hands up the insides of his legs, stopping at his inner thighs. He shuffled a little, saying, “I think this is fine.. just let me know before you touch me here, please?”

“Aye aye, captain,” you said with a light hearted smile, moving in to kiss him.

It was slow and sweet, and you felt him squirming a little under you with you leaned over him and your hands on his thighs.

When you pulled away, his hands went up to the waistband of your pants.

When you nodded your approval, he removed the clothing, mimicking your motions with care and attentiveness. He was so gentle.

When he sat back on his knees, you noticed something you handn’t noticed before; Astarion was hard. You looked away quickly, not meaning to be rude, but he noticed your gaze and pulled back, sitting on his bottom and pulling his knees up to his chest to hide himself. Hurriedly, he said, his words coming out in one long string, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I think I just enjoyed seeing you like this but I dont want this to be sexual and I dont think I can handle being touched like that right now, but if you want me to touch you I can, I just-“

You hushed him, moving up to place a hand on his shoulder and gently thumb at the skin there.

“Darling, hush now. It’s alright. Its perfectly normal. I dont want anything like that right now either.” You assured him, the nearly scared way he looked up at you breaking your heart.

“You… you’re sure? Im still sorry I got… excited, I guess, I promise it wont happen again.” He seemed almost desperate to convince you he was truly sorry, and you gently cupped his cheeks, tilting up his head to look at you.

“My love,” you spoke, voice nearly a whisper. “I promise, it’s alright. We wont be doing anything sexual tonight, and I’ll pretend this didn’t even happen. Okay? There’s no need to be afraid.”

He nodded, his eyes shining almost as if he was on the brink of tears.

“Okay,” he breathed.

You kissed him softly, which he returned after a moment of hesitation.

You leaned back in the bed roll, saying, “Would you like to continue?” He took a breath and nodded, that signature smile returning to his face, even if it was a little forced. His hands crossed your thighs, calves, giving you a cheeky grin as he squeezed your butt, you swatting at him and rolling your eyes.

“You’re sure you’re alright with this all? You haven’t mentioned anything to me about anywhere you dont like…” he trailed, settling next to you.

“I’m sure. If its you, im alright with anything.”

“What?” He said, looking at you. His expressing was one of confusion. “Why?” He propped himself on up his elbows, looking down at you next to him. “What makes me so special?”

You stared back at him for a moment, equally as baffled as him. “What makes you so- Astarion, love, everything. You’re the brightest light in my life, the reason I keep fighting, you’re my everything. I’ve seen the best and worst sides of you, and you’ve seen the best and worst sides of me. You’re the one constant in my life, and you’re absolutely wonderful. I-“ you trailed off a little, noticing the way Astarion stared at you with an unreadable expression; shock, maybe?

His bottom lip started to tremble, and he said in a shaky voice, “You… you mean that?” Before breaking down in to tears.

You stayed still for a moment as he cried, completely caught off guard, watching him shrink down in to the bedroll, but quickly moved to action and pulled him close, gently hushing him. “Shhh, shshsh,” you cooed, burying your nose in his soft hair and combing through the white strands. “It’s alright, hun, don’t worry. It’s okay.”

The way his shoulders heaved with every fresh round of sobs wrenched your heart, and you felt guilt swirl deep within you. “I’m so sorry, I-“

“Don’t,” he managed to breathe between sobs. “You mean it?” He sniffed, looking up to you with a tear stricken gaze.

“Of course,” you cooed. “I mean it all. You’re my everything.” You kissed his forehead, and he was wrecked by a fresh round of sobs, burying his face in your chest. You pulled him close and held him, rocking him softly as he cried. Your poor, sweet boy.

It may have been ten minutes, it may have been an hour. Eventually, Astarion’s breathing slowly began to even out, and his sobs became few and far between. Is a shaky, hoarse voice, he started to speak.

“Two hundred years. For two hundred years I was locked in that crypt.” Your fingers combed through his hair and his memories came back to him. “Cazador put so many horrible thoughts in my head. About myself, about the people around me. I never trusted anyone again until I met you. I never even trusted myself. A monster, I am, just a creature meant to feed off of the innocent. I haven’t been mine in so long.”

You started to speak, started to assure him that he wasn’t a monster, this wasn’t his choice, but you second guessed. Astarion being this vulnerable was… rare. So you gave him his moment.

“You’ve always been so trusting. I thought you were just stupid at first,” he laughed softly, and you rolled your eyes with a little smile. “But I realized that you are the only person whos ever put faith in me. Ever. At least within my memories. You’re… the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. So careful. So understanding. I dont understand why you care so much, but… thank you. And… I love you.”

Your heart was in your throat, choking you from the inside. You hugged him tighter, kissing the top of his head. “I love you too,” you breathed.

You placed your fingers under his chin to tilt his head up, giving him a warm smile when his eyes met yours. You leaned down to kiss him, pressing your lips against his and closing your eyes, feeling the way he relaxed in to your touch. Your lips moved together, in time as if this were practiced. You pulled away, and he gave you a little smile.

“You’re such a romantic,” you laughed. “It’s adorable. I love it.”

He clicked his tongue and looked away, though the little upwards tick in the corner of his lip gave away his stifled smile.

The rest of the night was filled with stolen kisses, little laughs, and sharing one another’s embrace. Astarion truly was something else, and he saw the same in you. You were the kind of dream he’d always held, a perfect lover who was kind and sweet. You were that. You had been next to him as he gained his freedom, encouraged him and trusted him even when you shouldn’t have. And he was so happy that you had made that choice, now.

.

.

Taglist

@adequate-superstar

@be-a-fish

[no-see-um-incorrect]

OK I think you’ve waited long enough 

My apologies if this Sucks Ass

In All My Years 

William/Marie (1/3)

TW ⚠️colm being awful⚠️harmful hands have been placed⚠️cursing⚠️smoking⚠️ arguing⚠️ mentions of past addictions and trauma⚠️

“JOEY! I NEED AN ADAM AND EVE ON A RAFT FOR TABLE SIX. MARIE GET THOSE FRIES TO BOOTH TWO!”

“You got it boss!”

She quickly stacked the plates on her arms and heads over to the table before feeling a buzzing in her pocket 

“here you go that’s two orders of french fries two orders of cheese fries, and two orders of chili fries right?…..good everyone enjoy”

She pulls her phone out of her pocket 

CALLER ID:  David 

“SADIE IM TAKING A TEN”

She quickly hangs up her apron and goes out the back door behind the restaurant. And answers the phone

“hello Marie”

“David sweetheart, I wasn’t expecting your call how’s the morning been treating ya?”

“it’s been going fine other than the fact that Asher almost put regular gas in my diesel truck. this morning has gone smoothly. How about yourself?”

“just trying to get through lunch rush”

“well, I commend you I have a hard enough time making sure tank and Christian don’t rip each other’s heads off I can’t imagine dealing with rude entitled customers”

“well when you got a little over 17 years worth of practice it comes just that little bit easier. So what kind of news gets me a phone call from the big man at the peak of noon?”

“right. Tomorrow we are having a small pack meeting with the house of Solaire.  it will only be a few people, and I would appreciate it if you joined us”

“well…hold on let me see what time?” She hears paper flipping on the other end “does 7:30 work for you?” she thinks for a moment “yeah that’ll work out just fine. Oh and David, by any chance will my son be there?” “yes, I asked Milo to attend as well”

“OK well I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t overwork yourself you hear me young man. Take care of yourself. Make sure you take your lunch break and drink some water all right?”

“yes Marie thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow”

 Curiosity, plagues her thoughts as to why David requested for her specifically. But she doesn’t question it.

The day progressed as it often does and the next thing she knew it was closing time she finishes wiping down the counters and tables, making sure everything’s in their place.

“i’m heading home Sadie”

“you need a ride Marie? It’s pretty dark out there”

“Thanks for the offer hon but I can get home OK. Tell Abigail I said hi” 

“Will do Marie”

Once everyone leaves, Marie locks the door and makes the walk to her apartment.

*BUZZ*

Message from: My little man

“Hey Ma I would normally call you but my phones about to die and I’m out of the house. I Just wanted to say have a good night and get home safe. love ya Ma❤️”

“Love you too baby💋”

She carefully opens the door to her apartment. Cautiously walking down the hall, and upon seeing her partner passed out in the lazy boy in front of the TV.  turns around and head towards the bathroom to wash up.  washing away the day, feeling the tension leave from her head when she puts her hair down.  she ties up her robe and heads to bed. 

—————————-time skip——————————

(⚠️⚠️⚠️ argument⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️)

The day went on as it often does, and  Marie got off of work and her usual Monday time and was now getting ready for a meeting with her pack and apparently a few special guests 

Her hair laid in short coffee curls that just barely grazed her shoulders. The dim light above shining just bright enough to highlight her dark eyes.

“who are you getting all gussied up for?”

She turned her attention to the figure behind her. Her partner leaning against the doorway groggily 

“David’s having a small pack meeting  with the Solaire house….and requested me there.”

She says finishing her makeup. And grabbing her jacket. He scuffs  “still rubbing elbows with mosquitoes Marie..” she discreetly rolled her eyes. “times are different now hon…vampires aren’t as bad as our parents made them out to be…”

Colm slams his fist against the wall “THEY STOLE OUR LAND AND KILLED OUR PEOPLE!”

She was upset at his behavior, but in an effort to not escalate the situation further, she kept her tone calm  “we live in America Colm. Half of history, is people taking land and killing people…the way I see it is easier to form an opinion on an individual then where they came from…..AND you know our pack doesn’t tolerate that kinda attitude” he got up in her face as if trying to intimidate…but if he knew the woman he was talking to for even a day, he would know that she’s beyond intimidation 

“David is just as spineless as his father was…this pack Isn’t even a WOLF PACK ANYMORE!”

“what are you trying to say?”

“our alpha and beta are engaged to humans! One of our strongest is with a Vamp, OUR SON IS-”

“DONT. Do not bring our son into this colm…..the boys are happy and that’s all I care about. I’m not gonna….i’m not gonna fight about that…..I gotta go I’m gonna be late-” he pulls her arm with a death grip “colm That Hurts!” He tightens his grip  “you Do NOT talk back to me woman I AM THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE. YOU LISTEN TO ME! YOU GOT THAT!” Before she could even conjure a response  he was already gone.

She rests back on the wall, slowly sliding to the floor. Her arm stung worse than anything he’s done before. Some tears escape her eyes before she quickly whips them away. “Come on Marie..you got no time for that right now..”

She gets up and stands there for a moment trying to gather her bearings when she hears *PING*

Message from: my little man 

“Me and sweetheart were just about to head out Are you sure you don’t want us to get you? it wouldn’t be a problem”

“i’m good baby I was just about to head out. need some fresh air anyway”

“all right Ma, see you there”

 she put her phone in her pocket and quickly looks in the mirror  before heading out the door.

————————at the pack Den————————-

Marie arrived, just as she sees her son and his mate walking inside. She Quickly makes her way in there, nearly bumping into Sam. “oh, I’m sorry sweetie”  Sam turns to face her a slightly concerned look on his before shifting to a smile  “oh, you’re fine Miss Greer. if you’re looking for Milo, I think I saw him and my mate talking to Asher” she gives his arm a squeeze  “thank you hun”

She walks up behind tank  and softly places a hand on their shoulder  “i’m not too late am I?” Darlin gives her a side hug  “you’re good mama M the Solaire’s aren’t even here yet” the slight brush against her arm stung but she tried not to let it show. Milo turns to face his mom before a feeling of concern washes over him “hey Ma… what’s this mark on your arm? Did something happen?” she winces in pain at his touch  “Oh I didn’t realize it left a mark…it’s nothing honey just a little workplace injury” sweetheart appears next to Milo’s shoulder  delicately replacing his hands on Marie’s arm  “here Marie let me get that for you”

“Oh thank you honey” sweetheart quickly heals  the wound with ease the pain relieving from her face  “what kind of workplace injury did that Ma?” “Milo it was just a simple smack from a cupboard nothing ya ma can’t handle no need to worry, baby” he let it go….for now. You see

if Milo knew how his dad was to his mother…….he would commit violent homicide. So Marie kept it from him. she felt that it was easier for him to swallow that his father made a full recovery when he left home vs his father taking out his frustration in new ways.

————————Solaire pov ———————————

William looked out the window seeing the park  passing them by illuminated in fairy lights.

“You know I could have driven us instead of having you waste the extra dime on a car” Vincent spoke catching Williams attention  “oh please Vincent. I have the dime to waste. plus I know you partner wasn’t feeling well I would hate for them to need something while we are gone and be stranded without a car….how are they feeling by the way?” With a soft laugh  Vincent turns his attention to the lock screen of his phone  “they’re in good spirits…they had a nice laugh about how funny it was that a vampire can get food poisoning” William returns his laughter  “….. you’re lucky you know…it is not common for vampires to find love as deeply felt as you both. I have had many people tell me how envious they are of you two….” he turns his attention back to the window. Vincent had a strange feeling after he said that. a strange feeling he wasn’t saying all that he meant. But he let it go.

 William was old, older than the very city he lived in, older than all of its citizens, older than the university that held the cities name.

And to someone who has been around that long The concept of love seems like a faint memory, A movie that he has seen only once or twice but that he hears references from every day. And for some reason he can’t find a place to watch that movie again.

The car arrives at the Pack Den. And the two vampires make their way to the front door when William hears a quite remarkable sound coming from inside.

————————————————————————

“I’m sorry. Did you just say you FELL DOWN A MOUNTAIN?!” he analyzed the voice as it echoed through his brain 

“Heh. Looks like milo’s in trouble again”

“I beg your pardon?”

“you’ll see*Knock knock*…….Asher!”

Behind the door was a tall man with a bright smile

“Hey Vincent! OH! And your highness..” he  attempts to bow before he is stop “no need ash” the younger man nods as they walk inside. William looked around still trying to find that voice. “Oh..um my name is Asher Talbot I’m the  beta of the Shaw pack” he extends his hand out awkwardly. The king returns the gesture “it nice to put a face to the name. David has told me great things” just as he said that David entered the room “William, Vincent. I hope it was Easy Getting here i know it’s not the most convenient spots”

“No trouble. Will had a nice time seeing all the murals on the way here” he shook his hand. “Yes. I don’t get a chance to come to this side of town often..it is quite beautiful”

David gestures to the pack room. Moving the conversation in there

“William there is someone I want you to meet” he signaled across the room. A shorter man in gold chains and casual bright floral button up walks over next to David “Milo. This is king William Solaire. William this is one of our packs strongest. Milo Greer” the smaller man rolled his eyes before speaking “it nice to meet ya William” he shook his hand  “You as well” as the small conversation continued he glances past Milo’s shoulder 

William’s POV:

Oh. Oh my.

She’s standing there.

What a site 

Her body curved in all of the most beautiful places, her skin shines with a copper glow, and that face. Michelangelos statues would be jealous.

“William!”

Nobody’s POV:

“William!”

The older man was snapped out of his thoughts.

“Will. We’re about to start. Are you ready?” He lightly shook his head clearing his thoughts “oh. My apologies we can start now yes”

Maria’s POV:

I was talking to Sam waiting for the meeting to get started. When out of the corner of my eye. I see Vincent and Milo. and….Oh

I make eye contact with the man shaking hands with my boy.

Well, ain’t he a looker. 

“Sam honey, who is that man standing next to Vincent?” Sam turns around. Before facing me again “That’s my king William.  don’t be fooled by the slightly intimidating appearance he’s a very nice man” bold of him to assume his appearances  isn’t very nice too.

 Chiseled face, silver Fox…..Wait NO Marie Greer WHAT are you thinking!?-Oh he’s looking at me..oh

Eyes. he’s looking…at me…..oh those eyes-

FOCUS MARIE!

Nobody’s POV

“Today we are joined by the house of Solaire. Who you may also know as the vampire clan that shares our Sam collins. Everyone meet king William and I’m sure most of you know of his prince. Vincent”

“It is a pleasure to meet all of you”

The meeting went on as most pack meeting do. Although to be completely honest, none of it was absorbed.  the two were too busy dancing there glances and attention around each other.  almost like a little game that neither of them knew they were playing. a game of who could look the longest without getting caught by the other.  who could take in the most information about the others appearance before the other turns their head. Of course William spoke when he needed to and Marie added her input where she felt necessary. But nothing more. 

At the end of the meeting they both mingled about until Milo decides to introduce her.

“William this is my Ma. Marie” quite enthusiastically She extends her hand out in front of her.  “Sam tells me a lot about you. It’s a pleasure to meet ya” he softly turns her hand and kisses the back of her palm  “And It is more than a pleasure to meet you Miss Greer” the corners of her mouth curl up into a soft grin “well ain’t you sweet” “well it is not every day I see someone like you in my glances. Sam as well as Vincent and your son here has told me a lot about you. All good things I can assure you”

————————————————————————

Darlin walks out of the pack den  and sees Vincent sitting on the bench, a trail of smoke following his hand with the small amber illuminating his rings 

“you smoke?” he quickly looks up at the unexpected voice before relaxing his head again “lovely doesn’t like it, but takes the edge off every now and again….want one?” he tilts the open box towards them  “what kind?” he squints at the label “Marboro black menthol 100s..” they shrug their shoulders and walk over to the bench sitting beside him  “yeah sure why not”

“so..what kind of edge are you trying to takeoff with these Princey” he signed rubbing his eyes with his palms “…..i’m just worried about Will I guess....I mean Williams a nice guy…sometimes too nice ya know. He’s not the kinda guy to let you know that somethings wrong” Darlin takes a drag of the cigarette  “*Coughs*.. so how can you know if somethings wrong if he won’t tell you” “exactly! Like he seems content enough, but  what does he do? He watches Bob Ross, buys properties AND READS  but he doesn’t hang out with people he’s not that kind of dude and I don’t want him to-” “feel lonely? Yup been there before”

Vincent puts the finished cigarette in the ashtray and rests his elbows on his knees  “I wouldn’t stress about it too much Vinny he’s been around for however fucking long i’m sure he’s come up with ways to deal with loneliness….but I will tell you one thing…” they put out the half finished cigarette on their finger and stuff it behind their ear “I saw how he was looking at a particular pack member of mine tonight and..…something tells me Willy Boy won’t be lonely for too long” they say before quickly running back inside  “WAIT HOLD ON! what do you mean?”

He rushes inside to see darlin peering behind a doorway 

“Look!” They whisper, signaling him to come next to them. What does he see?. William

But he’s not alone 

“And Asher was the worst of them always taking dares and bets. he barely knew how to ride a bike without training wheels on LET ALONE! Down A damn near vertical hill” William laughed with a smile that could light up a room “and I thought The newborns were a handful! They must consider themselves lucky to have such an impressive  healer in their pack and you son must be grateful to have a good teacher” she shrugs her shoulders  “actually Milo never had much interest in healing magic BUT he had plenty interest in the ration of shit territory. I was younger when I had him, and peoples opinions about that were less than forgiving….so I wanted to raise him with a strong spine and a loud voice so he can dish out just as much as he takes ya know” the king nods in agreement “from what David tells me you’ve done a splendid job at that…now forgive me if I am speaking out of turn but. Is his father with us?”

She signed with a small smile “he’s at home…Colm is a…character alright..” William slightly tilts his head in confusion “he must consider himself a very lucky man to have a woman like you by his side” her brain rattled with the events from earlier “yea I don’t know if that’s how he’d phrase it” William looks her in the eye with a genuine smile “well that’s how I would phrase it” she smiled at the comment “Thank you. That’s quite the compliment from someone like yourself” he raises an eyebrow  “Someone like myself?” An almost devious smirk appears on her face “yea..a looker such as yourself saying, something like that about Little old me. i’m flattered” he was slightly taken aback at her boldness but instead of taking it back, he double down  “i could say more if you’d like. I must confess ever since I first walked in here…my mind has been filled with an abundance of things to say”

“Oh is that so~” “MA! You ready to go!” before the king could respond Milo had intervened. “just a second hon!” She reaches into her purse and grabs a small notepad and a pen. Quickly scribbling something. and handing it to William  “give me a call..if you wanna chat some more” William takes the paper and smiles  “I will. Thank you. it was wonderful meeting you Miss Greer”

“oh please. call me Marie”

—————————Time skip———————————

Time went on as time often does… but this time it’s different.

Marie and will had been taking nearly every day since then. And yes, you heard that correctly. “will”

Not William, not Mr. Solaire 

Just Will.

They would talk about life and like William said he had no shortage of giving Marie any compliments  that didn’t cross a particular unsaid line.

“special delivery for a Miss Marie Greer?” Marie rushed to the front of the diner “I’m Miss Greer. What’s this about a delivery?” The delivery boy handed her a small bouquet of orange roses.  “these were sent for you. Have a wonderful day” the delivery driver left and Marie was just a tad bit clueless as to who would send her flowers at her place of work. That is until she read the card. 

“Orange roses. Bright and bold. reminds me of someone I know…”-WS

With a big grin on her face she rolls her eyes, and sets the flowers down to take off her apron “SADIE IM GOING ON LUNCH!” Flowers in hand she exited to the back of the diner.

*ring ring ring* “this is William Solaire speaking”

“Hey will” you could practically hear her grin though the phone “I take it you received the flowers I sent?” “Yea. I did. Thank you By the way these are gorgeous” “well I would only except the best. How has the workday been treating you?” She smiled. slowly turning the flowers in the sun ray. “well, it’s been work. im doing a little bit longer of a shift than usual but nothing I can’t handle” “my dear. It is a shame that you have to work so hard. you deserve to be pampered every now and then for how many hours you work” she laughed at the thought. Pampered. sadly, that word had almost become foreign to her.  “i’m a big girl Will. I can handle a longer day…thank you though these flowers made my day brighter” “it is my pleasure….I would hate to cut our conversation short but I’m afraid I have a meeting with my progeny…in a few minutes my sincere apology. If you are not busy, we could talk in person later?” as he said that Marie’s Boss called for her “…….I’ll have to see” “please feel free to decline. Just know I am available” “i’ll keep it in mind Will. thank you”

They both say their goodbyes. And she heads back to work putting the flowers in a vase in the office so they wouldn’t dry out before she got Done. The workday continued like it normally did but Marie’s mind seemed occupied. And her smile seemed just a little bit wider. 

It was 8 o’clock time for closing. Marie sat in the office waiting for her boss to hand her her tips. Holding the vase of beautiful orange flowers. Delicately examining each pedal. Lost in a daydream. “who’s the lucky guy” she’s quickly brought out of her daydream by the sudden voice in the room. “OH! Sadie. I’m sorry I didn’t see you there” Sadie sits down and starts counting the money. “answer the question Marie. who’s the lucky bastard sending you flowers. I know for a fact it’s not that bum ass husband of yours…”

“SADIE!” She would say she’s shocked. But Sadie has never liked Colm…to be fair no one really liked Colm. But next to Milo, Sadie was on the top of that list. “What? I’m right aren’t I?” Marie rolled her eyes and slouched down in the chair  “he’s just a friend…” “A Friend that has You smiling brighter that I never seen you when he calls, A Friend That sends you a dozen orange roses..is this the same friend that was flirting with you at your pack meeting?” Marie was quiet. but that told Sadie all she needed to know. “Look Marie. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life but I am going to tell you to START LIVING IT. Your Life isn’t there to serve others life is there for you to live it for yourself…” Marie remembered what Will said earlier  “Just know. I’m available” and “my dear” about how those words felt. About all the things he said he liked about her, her laugh her smile, her eyes. All things that have been critiqued about her. 

she thinks about how William kissed her hand, About how soft his lips felt. About how when they were talking it felt like an eternity long conversation she didn’t want to end….that’s how every conversation felt. about how she felt listen to not ignored, about She felt talked to and not talked down to.

Then she thinks about Colm…

About her when her son was growing up, she barely saw him and when she did he was lecturing her about something she didn’t do, or about something she didn’t do “correctly” she thought about how even her late alpha one of the most kind men she knew, told her that she could do better. About how even her son said that she Deserved better.  she thought about his shouts. the things he’s broken in his hissy fits.

she didn’t want this.

She wanted to feel safe, she wanted to feel cared about and respected.

“…..Thanks for the advice Sadie….I’ll think about it” she puts her tips in her bag and heads out. As she walks to her apartment her head won’t stop ringing.

What if colm is just acting how a significant other supposed to act? 

What if it was all in her head? What if she’s just grasping at straws and William doesn’t actually-*Ring Ring Ring*

Caller ID: Will

“hey Will” she can hear him talking to someone in the background, but not loud enough for her to make out what they’re saying  “hello dear. I trust the rest of your shift went smoothly?” Was she hearing things or did he sound actually nervous? “oh yeah. the shift went great…and you will be happy to know that these pretty flowers you sent me lasted through lunch rush” William lets out a soft laugh  “I am happy to hear. Now to the reason I called you….. I have a request..An invitation if you will” “an invitation?…. what kinda invitation?” She hears he take a deep breath. Before responding “I would love to take you out to dinner tomorrow night.. if you are willing” she stops in her tracks. Did she just hear him ask what she think she heard him ask  “….Will honey feel free to call me a fool, but are you asking me out on a date?”  she replies with the biggest shit eating grin painted across her face. 

“….we’ll i….I am comfortable with calling it whatever you want…but yes I will confess I did have the idea of a date in mind” “we’ll….then a date it is. See you tomorrow night will” she can hear papers shuffling around  “does 8:30 work for you?  the sun will just be setting so it’ll make things a lot easier” “8:30 works fine will. I’ll see you then. goodnight”

“Goodnight my dear. Get home safe”

ah fuck. Ok this sucked and I’m really sorry.  I realize this is the longest fic I’ve ever made.  and I double realized that I’m really bad with formatting and other things… next one will be better I promise. Um thank you for being so patient for everyone who has been waiting for this.  it has been very much appreciated.  I hope everything is somewhat enjoyable. Y’all have been super awesome and  have hyped me up so much…so I’m sorry if this is bad

Forgive me for any spelling errors 

TAG: @frog-0n-a-l0g @foggytimemachineinternet @weepingredwillow @antipasto-the-theif @prince-damien-of-darkness @everything-redacted-and-others @evansotherthoughts @astranephele

[emptymasks]

so.. i sure feel like i invested a lot into a show just for them to not care in the end. and this isn't a 'wah they killed of my fave character so show bad'.

the pacing felt weird, right? i wonder if they wanted 10 episodes but the network only gave them 8? or maybe they just didn't know how to end the show. maybe they're scared they won't get a season 3 and so rushed the end of season 2?

but to build up izzy, to have him talk about belonging to something... only to have him die without anyone telling him they love him. yeah ed said they're family but like. the whole thing felt so sudden, from him being the one with richard to getting shot to dying and then to suddenly haha the silly guitar music is playing guys its funny joke time. like. ed was upset as izzy was dying but then it seemed at his burial that no one really cared. it would have been more impactful if his death had been the final scene of the season.

but wouldn't it have been much better to show izzy finding a family? to have him captain the revenge? to contrast with season 1 and how the crew hated him when he was in charge. to end season 2, end the show, with him captaining the crew and having their respect and their love?

because it really didn't feel like he died for the crew, for his family. because he push someone else out of the way to save them he just got outsmarted by richard (since when is izzy that stupid or not strong enough to hold onto a man?) and got shot. like idk you could have had him die protecting ed or stede or the crew. how on earth could izzy not hold onto a man who's physically weaker than him and how the hell did he let someone else grab his fucking gun. or wait im re-watching it looks like richard just.. grabbed a gun out of his own coat.. i.. did no one search this man and take his weapons off him.. what the fuck.. no im sorry there's no excuse that doesn't make sense for no one to have taken his weapons away that just seems like bad writing.

if you were going to kill him off he deserved a better death.

but he deserved a better ending than this. what's the point of him having this arc of finally caring about people if he dies and it seems no one really cared other than ed and fang?

omg i just read as i'm writing this that jenkins does have a plan for a season 3. okay so now it's only acceptable if con wanted to leave the show so they had to kill off izzy but they still should have done it better. have him fending off the english so the crew can escape. have him taking a bullet for ed. something that means something. omg.

and ed and stede... i don't feel like they're ready for this yet. the only way they should be living together is the end of the show. not the end of a season. they literally only just got back together they need time to grow together.

you really said its a show about people finding love and happiness and then killed off the queer disabled character who got to die while telling his abuser that he loved him. the ending feels like the show saying 'actually not everyone deserved love, if you were an izzy fan you were right to get hate' like. he deserved to be loved by the crew, to be told that they cared. but he didn't get that.

also um?? the crew dont love ed. he literally only just finished torturing them, some of them have ptsd and trauma from what he did to them, and even if they want to forgive him they certainly do not love him yet. they cared much more about you izzy than they did about ed.

and then to have him shot in the left side, the place that ed showed in season 1 was a 'safe place' to get injured i. what.

where the fuck was roach? just watching? not trying to help? does he either not care or not think it's worth trying to save him??

IM SORRY BUTTONS CAN TRANSFORM INTO A BIRD, AUNTIE CAN SURVIVE AN EXPLOSION, JACKIE AND SWEDE ARE IMMUNE TO POISON, BUT IZZY GETTING SHOT IN HIS LEFT SIDE UH OH THAT'S DEATH SORRY.

i love the crew, i love zheng. i like stede and ed's romance but they're never the reason i watched the show. but i found izzy's arc the most meaningful to me. and i. i really don't think i'm going to watch a season 3 if there is one. not just because izzy's not there, but that last episode just felt like they don't care or don't know how to write anymore in a way that i enjoy at least.

to see someone like izzy (who's backstory i thought we would get, at least who the ring belongs too that he wears around his neck but no okay) he disliked because he has to be, he doesn't know how to be soft and be loved or how to love others. to show that a person who has been hurt so much and built themself so hard and buried their real self so far below.. to see that person be able to find themself again, to love others, to let themself be loved, to others see who they are. that meant so much.

so much for this being a happy queer show. for a lot of people he felt like this representation of an older queer man who's just coming out of the closet, exploring himself, there's not another character like that. the disability representation with him this season i've seen has meant a lot of people. his arc isn't the same as any others and a lot of people have found something very personal to connect to in that and i think they have a right to be upset.

to say it makes sense for him to be killed off for the narrative because ed needed to let him go... sounds cruel? izzy is a person, he's not a narrative object to make ed feel better about himself. to have ed abuse izzy, physically abuse him, and then izzy's arc ending with him apologising as if it was his fault (yes he encouraged blackbeard, but please let's not victim blame, let's take male victims of abuse seriously) and saying he still loved ed i just..

to say it makes sense narratively for him to get killed off for other reasons i don't fully disagree, but i think it was too soon, and i think at least it should have been in a way that made sense like him protecting the crew, not allowing richard to STILL HAVE HIS GUN ON HIM DID NO ONE CONFISCATE HIS WEAPONS?? or did he take izzy's gun in which case HOW how would izzy allow richard to take his gun. he's smart and a capable fighter what is this.

i saw someone else say izzy's death had no meaning and no consequence. and they're right. the crew moved on straight away and forgot about him (apart from fang, shout out to fang), and seemed like they didn't care. they aren't seeking revenge. they aren't angry. so it's for.. ed and stede to get together? izzy deserves more than that. and they could have still gotten together anyway... if it's for ed to move on then fuck that. an abuser doesn't get to move on from the abuse he caused because his victim fucking died.

i'd been looking forward to this episode all week after i really terrible week and well. should have known nothing this week was going to plan.

[slamminslamminmcgill]

bro i keep thinking abt going on a roadtrip with lalo, yknow like driving him to the border or something, him making you pull over on the middle of a highway, pulling you out of the car and doing it right then and there "so what if a car passes by? you really care that much?" yknow what im trying to get at?

list of things we are

so fucking back

combining w/ this

warning: exhibitionism, humiliation/degradation, spanking

anatomical terms: pussy

"Bend over the hood."

That was the first thing either of you had said to each other for the past 50 miles or so. You were leaning against the window, half-asleep, rubbing your eyes as your retinas burned from the fluorescent ceiling lights suddenly igniting. Groggy, disoriented, and unsure if you'd heard him correctly, you mumbled, "Huh... wha-?"

Lalo's answer was blunt: blunt force trauma. Pure nonchalance, not a hint of irony or sarcasm, just relaying factual information. He didn't even look over at you as he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the driver's side door. "Get out and bend over the hood. I wanna fuck you."

Lots of questions could've followed that remark, such as, What, why?, What time is it?, or Where the hell even are we? Though for some reason, probably because he had you so well-trained to take him at any time, any place, the question that you settled on was, "Can't we just do it in the backseat?"

"Nope. Last time we did it in the back, it took me forever to get the stain out. And I don't trust you to be able to hold it in. Now don't make me ask you again." He slammed the door behind him and walked around to the front of the car, waiting for you to join him.

You sluggishly got out of the car, stretching and yawning as you took in your surroundings. There wasn't much to see. Hell, there wasn't much you could see this time of night. Just desert sand on both sides of the lone road, and Lalo standing in front of the headlights, tapping his foot impatiently. You were about to bend down and take your place, when another pair of headlights spawned over the horizon. You gasped and snapped your spine back up, like a prey animal ready to make a run for it, "Babe... Babe, someone's coming."

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm not. So hurry up." Lalo grabbed you by your hair and shoved your face down, smushing your cheek against the hood. "It's not my fault you're such a sloppy mess when you get fucked. If you could contain yourself, I could take you in the back. Let you have some privacy." He yanked your pants down to your ankles and spanked your ass, the cool night breeze soothing you after the harsh sting. "But you can't, so you have to get fucked outside like a whore."

The other car sped past your lewd display. Maybe they saw; maybe they didn't. Even if they did, it wouldn't matter. Lalo would take what he wanted, regardless of who was watching what was happening. You yelped when he spanked your other cheek. "Ah! I'm sorry, Lalo!"

"Oh, no, no, no, don't be sorry, baby! It's just who you are. You can't help being a slut, huh?" He slid his fingers up the length of your pussy, and chuckled in delight at what he felt. "Ha! See? You're already wet for me! Good boy!" He ruffled your hair like he was praising a dog. In a way, he was.

"Mmm, thank youuu..." You whined.

"Aw, you're welcome, honey." Lalo cooed. Having found that you were ready to take him, he hastily pulled his cock out of his jeans and pushed inside you. You cried out, your voice echoing through the vast desert. Once he bottomed out, he pulled you up to him by your hair and growled in your ear.

"Good boy... That's it... You can make as much of a mess as you need to out here. And I want you to give all the other cars a good show when they pass by. Okay, pretty boy?"

"Nghhh, okaaay..."

For miles and miles, the only sounds that could be heard were two bodies, one's loud, desperate moans, and the occasional honk from a curious passerby.

[yikesharringrove]

I think a lot about Steve and Billy becoming foster parents.

I think about them, mid-thirties, welcoming two kids into their home. A brother and a sister. A fifteen year old boy, and a two year old girl.

And clearly, they’ve been through some shit.

The baby is easy. She’s shy at first, and clings to her brother for the first few weeks, but she warms up easily to Steve and Billy. (Especially when Billy sneaks her cookies and Steve is always down for a little snuggle.

It’s the boy who is hard to crack.

He’s been in and out of foster situations his entire life. If it weren’t for his sister, and the fact that his social worker was actually doing a good job of not splitting them up, he feels like he’d be in his on. Our in a boys’ home.

But he’s seen foster parents that seem kind, but have some ulterior motive. Or call the social worker when they can’t handle his trauma.

So he pushes back.

The first day he’s at Steve and Billy’s, he throws a plate at the wall.

He doesn’t miss the way Billy has a white knuckled grip on the kitchen counter, or the way he leaves the room the second it looks like Steve’s got it under control.

And he assumes, that Billy was trying to hold himself back from smacking him. That he left to call social services.

He doesn’t bother to unpack.

But the next day, no one comes to take him away.

In fact, he startled awake to a soft tap on his bedroom door, and a voice telling him that breakfast is ready, please come downstairs when you’re ready.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t go downstairs all day.

And every few hours there’s a knock and a voice telling him to come down for some food.

He only leaves when the voice tells him that his sister keeps asking for him.

And there’s a plate of food for him in the microwave, and Steve gives Billy a knowing look before taking his sister off to bed.

He knew it was a fucking rouse.

And he wolfs down his meal, expecting Billy to tell him they’ve spoken with the agency, and they’re keeping his sister but kicking him to the curb.

“I need to tell you that you’re not going anywhere. No matter how much you push against us, we promised to care for you. You’re staying here.”

“Is that a threat?”

Billy smiled.

“Nah. It’s just true. You would never leave your sister anywhere without you.”

“Yeah? How the fuck do you know?”

And he wanted that stupid smile to fall off Billy’s face. But it didn’t.

“Because I was you. It didn’t matter how often my dad beat the shit outta me. I stayed there to make sure he never did it to my sister. We’d never, ever, do anything to hurt either of you, but you’ve been hurt too many times to trust that yet. So what you can do, is stop acting out. You don’t have to let us in. You don’t have to start calling us your dads and shit, but please. Accept that we want you here. That we want to take care of you.”

And he’s fucking stunned, because this is not at all what he thought this conversation was gonna be.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I assume the worst.”

“That’s okay. You’ve been through a lot. We won’t push, and like I said. You don’t have to let us in, but we’re here for you.”

He sniffed, and Billy’s hands flexed on the table, like he wanted to reach out and touch him.

“I thought you were gonna tear me a new one about last night. I thought you were gonna send me back.”

“No. I mean, Im not exactly excited about the glass I had to clean up. And your sister was scared shitless, she’s been freaked out all day, make sure you go see her before bed. But, I understand. I know what it’s like to feel like everyone will give up on you, so you might as well push them away. And I’m sorry I left. To be honest, the plate thing, it really freaked me out.”

And that made sense, because of what Billy told him about his own father.

He’s been on the receiving end of a broken dish before, too.

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. I mean, Please, never do it again, but your anger and your fear is totally okay. I can help you cope. I’ve been in more therapy than you could even dream.”

And billy kind of had a spark in his eye, one that said it’s really okay.

I just think it’s be neat.

[tai-janai]

Use me as an excuse to share your headcanons on the Voice of the Hunted, I’m curious about what you think of him!

OUHGH. WELL

i have a separate post where i talk about him and cheated and i go into a lot there, but YES SIR

physically i think he is probably one of the smallest (being the most insistent on it, rivaling little broken) but im not one of the people that believes them to be different birds; i think all of them but the narrator are crows.

the wings i give him are small and flighty, even for his stature. i dont think he is the way he is by choice. he tells the others and the princess (the wild) that he is small, and he feels his first bit of respite when she says he can be more than that. ive explained before how i think of all the voices as trauma responses, and his is one of the more obvious. Kill or be killed, as he says explicitly.

but of course he would want a break from all that; anyone would. his final words in the Moment of Clarity, "im ready to sleep" (or something of the sort) just shows that this poor guy needs his rest. He is also Always Right and i LOVE that in a character. the smelling everything? GOD. him being the only one to deny the mirror is SO GOOD. he would be the one to understand that our eyes can trick us, even above the skeptic!!!

but this is about headcanons not just why i like him (i could go on)

i like assigning things colors, and hunted got an almost highlighter teal (for his scales). it does not help him; it is another thing he can't change about himself, that he just has to live with. he is unfortunately very resigned to his role in the game of cat and mouse. i wish he could be there to experience one of the happier endings, where it isn't so much a life-or-death situation. love is just as much a part of survival as anything. i want him to be allowed to be alive.

i kind of think he likes the others a lot, especially the more competent ones. he understands the strengths of the ones that have gone through what he has. he may not be so open to those of the Knifeless routes (opp, conty, smitty).

Hero is one that i think he gets a long with a lot. Hero would want him to take it easy, and i kind of have him as a somewhat protective older brother figure to the little Hunted. being very supportive like "hey you kept us alive ^^ :D" and hunted being unable to take that compliment because. "Of course i did."

i kind of think of him as a little brother to some others too (stub, skippy) but Hero would be one to let him take a break, unlike the other two. (Imagine Stubborn trying to tell someone not to fight. yeah no)

I, and Hunted himself, think of him as very animalistic. instinctual. he will run himself into the dirt until the worms swallow him. there is no limit to his effort except death. in the route of the Beast, it is obvious that he doesn't let exhaustion stop him. anything for the sake of survival; there can be no rest.

im sure some Other Voices have some Things to say about that.

Stubb: yes very good. the only end is death and that isnt a problem for us.

Cheated: are you INSANE

ONTO CHEATED BECAUSE I CANT TALK ABOUT ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER

Cheated is a lot like Hunted, excluding the "kill or be killed" instinct. they both have the perseverance to continue fighting, but cheated has a different kind of patience. i think they'd understand and trust each other, in a way they usually cant with others, but in ways some others have amongst themselves. Cheated would see Hunted's unhealthy way of dealing with things and would probably be the most adamant on giving him a break. "he does the most for us so why doesn't he get to rest?" kinda thing.

but also i think cheated thinks hunted is pretty (because i like to think hunted is pretty bird)

uhgh anyway. i. think thats all i got

[murdockbuckley]

i watched the 911 promo clip and here are my thoughts

captain hats - obviously one them becoming the interim captain

i know a lot of you on tumblr don't like the idea of it being buck but i think it could be him

hen will be settling in with the new child and that requires a lot from a person

chim is busy planning the wedding with maddie and literally every time a wedding has happened the person planning was not captain

it could be eddie but we've never really seen him want to be anything more than the role he has at the fire station currently

we saw how buck took charge in the bridge collapse and it's made him think his ready to actually be a captain but the cruise will make him realise he still hasn't properly dealt with his trauma and maybe he isn't actually ready for (or doesn't actually want) the captain's title

wedding ring - madney wedding

like i said chim is busy helping plan the wedding so maybe he won't actually be on call for the cruise

everyone he knows, all of his family, is working on it except him

it'll be a fun callback to season 2 after he got stabbed and called tommy(?, an old member of the 118 who transferred) in for extra help

this is how we get guest stars of previous characters (like lucy or tommy) that i mentioned in a previous post

the keys - buckley-diaz boys

this one is purely delusion okay

buddie having keys to each others houses is such a big thing to the fandom and if abc want to be great they definitely would've picked up on it

linking to the captains hat buck or eddie (or both) have panic attacks because of how much fucking trauma they have because of the water (the plane in s1, the tsunami, the well, the lightning strike - you could probably find something im every season) and they end up staying at eddie's together for awhile so they don't have to be alone

of course they both have their girlfriends (marisol and natalia) but they just don't understand this situation and the trauma they shared together and how bad it affected them

(alternatively the loft burns down and buck moves in with eddie, they share one set of keys)

also the anchor keychain?? buck and eddie are there for each other no matter what, they ground each other and have each others back

the watch - the time is right

i think the time on the watch is at 7:30 (obviously i could be wrong) and y'know what else had 7 and 3?? 3 minutes and 17 seconds

the number has been such a big part of tragic/traumatic storylines throughout the show i wouldn't be surprised if it was here now

timing is such a great them and goes perfectly with the already set up storylines for this season

madney wedding - there's no time like the present, lets gather everyone we love and have a wedding in a meaningful place (bathena backyard) and be happy together forever as soon as possible

baby wilson - they're finally ready to grow healthily, they've had a lot of things test their marriage (hen cheating, ivf, hen's kidnapping, karen losing her job, hen going to med school, karen almost dying in an explosion at her work) and now they can finally say they're at a place where they want to expand their family properly and permanently

buddie's girlfriends - the issue with their girlfriends had always been timing and when they meet, did marisol and natalia come at the right time? will they stay and be permanent for the boys? will they break up? will the break up still leave them as friends (i hope so)

bathena cruise - i don't need to say much. they thought they finally had time to relax and be themselves and be with each other. it seems the only way they're going to get that is retirement

some other fun stuff/thoughta:

you can see a helicopter light, could be lucy or tommy flying - we know they both can

the time duration on the call being 1:18 is great 10/10

the keys could also be about may? her being on college/uni, no longer being at dispatch, she wouldn't know what's going on other than through the updates on the news and anything she can get out of whoever is at the call/maddie (but then anyone at the cruise is highly unlikely to answer their calls/messages)

[y4miiiiiiiii]

How would the guys react to reader going into mama bear mode on base after bringing their child? Hc

Alrighty sorry for the late reply I was passed out. It's probably gonna be so bad💀

141 x black!milf!reader

Price

He honestly just wanted to see the cute kid until you almost ripped him appart when he carried them.

So he basically just watches you and your baby from far away, but sometimes will ask to carry or play with the kid.

He would totally bring them toys or books to play with and read them stories.

Won't let anyone approach the kid if you leave them under his responsibility. That's his kid now.

"Oh hey Captain, Is- Is that your kid..?" "..Yes."

Will wait patiently when you will come back and will try his best to help you without triggering you.

Overall he will be quit scared at first and distant but will warm up a little and tries his best not to punish you too hard when you try to kill others.

Ghost

That man won't even try to approach the kid. His trauma is already enough he don't feel like scaring the child with his appearance.

He would watch you a little amused from afar screaming and about to rip the head off of a rookie who just wanted to play with the kid.

Will honestly be surprised if you let him your kid saying that you trusted him the most among the others.

He will just awkwardly carry the child in his arms and stare down anyone who tries to approach them (mostly Soap and Gaz.) You gave him a mission, he will fulfill it.

"watcha got 'er LT?" "fuck off sergeant you aren't getting 'em."

Overall he won't really pay any mind to you being a mama bear unless you are going feral mode trying to kill someone off.

Bbg Gaz

He would be INLOVE with the kid, that is until you gave him the most nasty stare you could when he got closer to them with his full gear.

He would remind YOU to wash your own hands before touching the baby. He literally doesn't mind you being a mama bear his mother also was one.

Will help you chase people off and legit will ask Price to help him build a little cradle for them to play safely.

"AHHH A BABY OMG IS IT YOURS CAN I CARRY THEM?!" "1 Strop fucking screaming you will wake the baby up 2 No it's my teammates and 3 did you wash yo hands?"

Overall he doesn't mind and will encourage you into being protective of you child here because of the danger and hygiene. You guys look like a little couple ngl

Soap

IS THAT A CHILD??? CAN I CARRY IT?? WAIT CAN I PLAY WITH EM READ EM SOME STORIES???

Will cling to you until you agree for him to carry your baby. He is ready to trade his MRE for that child.

He probably has a lot of cousins or nephews so he knows or to take care of a child. You can trust him I think..

He honestly would think you are overreacting to everything because "Cmon ´s a child f'course it'll get hurt." Asshole fr unless its your first.

Overall you can trust him to keep an eye on your child but he will 100% spoil them and make fun of you if you overreact too much.

FINISHED i apologies if it's bad I never wrote before also im french sorry for the misspellings and misunderstandings.

[mcyt-trios]

PROPAGANDA:

Eclipse Federation:

i dont like them. they ruined my life. Subz and Vitalasy had already partnered in previous seasons but this one, Vitalasy ended up leaving for a few months, leaving Subz alone, and Zam ended up getting close to him after immense trauma at the hands of his former teammates. Zam has done SO many wrongs, including to Subz himself and Subz STILL took him in and made him join Eclipse Federation after Zam died 14 times in a row and got banned then revived by the same player who's been killing him all this time. And it could've been perfect but no, Zam had betrayed his previous team due to them using dupes via exploits, and now Eclipse Federation ALSO has exploits! And he decided that yeah his morals were more important than being loved! And so he murders Vitalasy when he's at his most vulnerable point, lets everyone gaslight him into thinking Vitalasy is an irredeemable evil monster who will never change, even as Vitalasy SAID he was ready to change before the betrayal even happened, Eclipse threw out their whole revenge plans because of Zam's positive influence and he just broke everything. Subz couldn't be with Zam but also couldn't see himself at Vitalasy's side, leaving him alone. Vitalasy hated Zam and yet never killed him or hunted him down, despite Zam acting like he did. And when Vitalasy left, banning himself off from the server, Zam had some time alone to think and realized he fucked up SOOOO bad. And Subz revived Vitalasy and told him to kill him. And ban him. His last wish. His Deliverance. And to make up with Zam. And Vitalasy tried, and they kind of did make up over Subz's death, but then Zam was like "actually im going to kill everyone and destroy the server now. because i want subz back and also because i always do extremely drastic things when i don't need to because i have unchecked mental illnesses i refuse to get help for". And surprisingly when Subz came back he didn't like that! And they ended in tragedy! Eclipse is fucked up. It's a trio that's always about the absence of one person, it's a team that could only happen in one timeline and it was doomed from the very start. But the love was there. It made everything worse, truthfully. But it was there. And that matters. Also as a fun fact Zam himself on twitter has referred to eclipse as a throuple, which is not canon but that's pretty funny. he also stated on stream he didn't want to get therapy because it'd ruin his lifesteal character. and there was a saga where they would "marry" (challenge lost kinda shenanigans) and zam was the only one happy about it. he's not normal. there's something wrong with him. love that for him though sorry for the block of text. I really dislike them. They're my beloveds :3

Big Eyes Crew:

best gas station owners you've ever seen

they started a business together and had beef with Boatem where Tango built a giant eyeball over their base which dispensed ravagers onto them. also they're called Big Eye Crew because Keralis and Bdubs both have massive eyes on their skins but Tango DOESN'T so he made big round red glasses for them all to wear and they're iconic frankly.

SILLY GUYS DOING SILLY THINGS

They made a gas station franchise so powerful there was a location on the moon

[precious-little-scoundrel]

I'm going in!!

The woman who flopped on the bench opposite him, legs spread wide and boots braced with a brow like a thundercloud, was not Smith. And for that Cleven was relieved.

Literally this was the very start of the fic and it took me out. The way that Gale's mind immediately flashes to Smith when he sees Sanchez kills me

And Ida could fly a tin can on the fumes of an alcoholic's breath.

Love them aw. They're so important to me.

“Sanchez.” she repeated instead and was back to scowling at Buck.

She has literally already captured my heart I love her so much, grumpiness and all

Smart, and a worse worrier than himself. Cleven liked her immensely

“I’m not leavin’ this seat ‘till a Dulag takes you.” he told her, it was all he had to give.

Both of these lines are just so sweet. I know they went through something awful together and interacting might reopen all that trauma but I like to think there's mutual respect between them

Benny was almost to his feet when Cleven fetched him back with a grip of his own, sitting him down firmly.

BENNY HE'S SUCH A SWEET MAN I LOVE HIM

“That's a prisoner of war, not a woman.” He saw how little effect that had and added for benefit, “And your superiors are waiting for her.”

The way that Gale immediately tries to diffuse the situation because he knows how dangerous it is for them to see Sanchez as a woman and not a POW. Im crying

He really was thinking of Benny in those paces, hoping his co-pilot was ready -it didn’t occur to him even once that Demarco might be as fooled as these sick fucks around them

I love how you portrayed their relationship in this fic. The way they know each other so well.

“Smith,” he begged her, “Smith don’t fuckin’ give up on me now.”

HOW DARE YOU OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

Sanchez, her name was Sanchez, he reminded himself. And Smith was with Ida, probably throwing the ball at the flack house after making it back from Breman. She had to be. He didn’t want to live in a world where Lu felt what he felt now as the man shuddered inside him, used him like a skein, a shell, a vessel, hot breath stinging at his cuts.

I literally don't even have words. I cried actual tears when I read this. And the way he's later going to have to hear from her that it DID happen

Smith was screaming again.

OH MY GODDDDDDD

-but it was Benny, looking busted as hell but alive and holding onto him lest he jolt off the bench with the next pothole.

I can't stop thinking about when they put Gale back in that truck and the state he was in when Benny had to see him.

“Here, let me-“ Benny was already at it. Gale tugged his waistband down to assist, just enough to expose a sliver of pale hip and leaned a little over the table, there were bruises on his hipbones, he knew, but they could be from anything.

Ugh again Benny and Gale being so in tune and Benny being so kind hearted I love him

Lu glanced away from him only to watch these proceedings with something like fear and then she was looking back at him, a hesitant plea written on her face. He didn’t know she was scared of needles.

I don't know there's just something about this that like got me. It might be?? The way that he has this thought makes me think it's something he would know about her?? Which is so sweet

If Bucky were here he’d use all manner of crass slang and common vernacular phrases to jog the poor girl’s memory

Him thinking of Bucky in this moment makes me want to cryyyyyy

He hoped to God that Ida had used the word ‘intimate’ when educating Smith on these finer yet so utterly crude aspects of human interaction.

THEY ARE SO MOM AND DAD AND THIS IS SO SAD

Grueling as this conversation was, nerve wracking as her dense innocence could be, it fed that traitorous bit of hope he’d been harboring since he lost all hope for himself that she might’ve been alright.

The way he had this hope for her from the moment he was shot down Im dead

“I’m their officer, I should know these things.” she explained, lips going into a full tremble, all the harmless jokes of before suddenly not a bit funny

Gale would 100% be the type to not find any sort of amusement in the condom balloon incident anymore, now that he knows this is an insecurity of hers. I love this detail

“Oh Lu.” he muttered ineffectually, “C’mere.” and he had her hugged and cradled to his ratty jacket before his ingrained and temperate habits could interfere.

I've been waiting so long for this hug but now Im just crying

“Do you know, sir?” she asked again, harmless yet intent, “Did they hurt you that way too?”

Her being the empath of all empaths and putting these dots together kills me. I love how you said there's a flips-side to her being naive and innocent and its that she can ask questions that aren't "appropriate" but that should be able to be asked

if her kind self could be angry. He’d seen her get angry when someone kicked a dog once.

This is like again sort of similar to the "he didn't know she was scared of needles" because like HE KNOWS HER SO WELL?

“They’re never gonna do that again, Lu, never again. I’m gonna make sure of it. Bucky’ll make sure of it.” he swore, his voice gone so low it shook. “They hurt you other places?”

LITERALLY ALL OF THIS BUT ESPECIALLY HIM MENTIONING BUCKY AGAIN

she made a wounded noise when their chests collided despite the layers, but she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed back

Her bite oh my goshhhhhh. And the way that he's gonna have to hear about this too. And I just know he's the type to put the dots together about the weird tick she's developed (which again the fact that he notices im crying)

Also something about the "you don't need that" about the bicep shots and then the "did you wash these" and the following "good"?? Like hello?? We need to celebrate Gale Cleven on father's day

“So you’re gonna remember bedtime and what else?” Gale catchized her.

“Bedtime and that…you’re -right down there.”

Crying again! This whole fic was so incredible. I loved the relationship between Lu and Gale and the glimpses we got into Gale and Benny's friendship as well. Your way of writing these characters in such difficult situations and portraying both their pain and resilience is unmatched. Thank you for this it was so wonderful

Literally have tears streaming down my face.

For the fiftieth time I will say that quoting my work back to me is my love language. And how you’ve picked up on everything? The time you took to give your reaction to each specificity that I poured so much time over in crafting? I cannot thank you well enough, sweet friend. Thanks 🌹

[youremyheaven]

hi, this is my second time sending it and i pray you receive it. i'm the 22yo anon with the relationships, social dread and sexuality question. ill try my best to rewrite as quick as possible. i would like to be guided and need your big sister advise,,, i don't know how to ask and word my issues smoothly 😓😓,,, (context- ive known to be demiromantic and little to no fixation on sex, on the asexual spectrum?) so i just turned 22 and have a crush and looks like he too likes me the same and im sure its going to get serious,, i have been nervous about talking about my preferences with my crush because someday i have to explain to them because i have friends and peers around me asking me to "get some" and that it's normal and it's how it'll change my asexuality?? to them im just faking being uncomfortable around bed talk even though i agree i can be the holiest nun but i do catch myself having the highest libido therefore take care of myself without needing anyone from time to time. pleasing for me felt like an annoying itch that needed to be scratched like most people,,, corn doesn't do it for me so I never understood the hype and didn't feel a thing,,, yes I have crushes but im not aching and wanting to bang them,, a bunch of my peers have at a young age and unsafely which got one of them pregnant, being in indian society it's looked down upon and what my friend had to go through was rough and it had a huge impact,,, though my parents are forward thinking people and openly and safely talked about this topic with me without having shame tied to it and my mother also makes it a comfortable space,, im not shaming anyone who engages in activities like these and i also understand that its human nature and it's how we procreate and evolve yet i still get very uncomfortable around sexual scenes in movies maybe it's my own childhood trauma causing this feeling of dread and discomfort from my childhood,,,,

besides my friends and family, i shared my asexuality to my aunt and baby cousin,,,,, they were supportive but kept being skeptic like my peers would saying this is temporary 💀 that i need to get laid asap which bothered me sm,,, my cousin now (a party, club going personality) too has engaged in activities with her exes since she was a preteen and im the only one in the fam who knows (desi household is no joke) and im worried for her safety though she seems independent but i do feel concerned and wonder if i should let her be because she has been distant and lord knows who she is with next,,,,she's much much younger but coming from a wealthy family kinda looks down on me and for not having any relationship experiences so distanced herself from me which hurts,,, bottom line i feel ostracized to a degree by people i care about and there is this insane pressure to have to talk about my trauma and issues around sex,,, as they say it's a man's birth right and they all want it at some point and so will your crush or men will leave you the minute they get that repulsion??😓

i might consider it for my man someday but i don't want it to affect my relationship with men??

how do i face people when im not taken seriously or call it a nun phase? i don't want to lose men over this and who better than you to ask,,,, im typing and im all teared up,,, i need clarity on how to approach this better without having internalized any pain, guilt for feeling the way i do. you can answer when you're ready and sorry i made it too long 😞😣

This is my third attempt

"this is my third attempt" 😭😭😭

girlie ur not going for JEE mains 😭😭this is just my inbox

(for non desis, JEE is a highly competitive college entrance exam,, ppl prepare for it for YEARS and some ppl commit suicide when they cant crack it 🤡 explaining it is taking the fun away from the joke but thought id give u context <33)

but ANYWAYYYS

first of all dont apologize for the long ask or for sharing your experiences,, I GOTCHU 😘💛

now about your question:

one thing u need to know is that the right person will NEVER EVER make u feel "compelled" to have sex,, ive had partners during my celibate era who i didnt even kiss lol and they were entirely fine with it

pls dont listen to your friends and family and believe that sex is something you OWE your partner/men. i had many nasty friends tell me the same or try to convince me that i "should" do it bc otherwise its not a "real" relationship and im so glad i never listened to them<33

i also know many women who are waiting for marriage to have sex but have boyfriends atm. they all have different degrees of intimacy that they're okay with (some go up to oral and leave penetrative intercourse for marriage, others just kiss, makeout and cuddle) but u can also have a zero intimacy relationship. if a man wants you and wants to be with you, HE WILL DO ANYTHING. i once told a guy (he was 21 and i was 23 and he wanted to date me) that im celibate and dont want to have sex and he said "thats perfectly fine, i didnt ask you out to sleep with you, i want to be with you, whatever your terms are, thats fine by me" and honestly there are MANY such dudes out there,, not every guy is a porn addicted weirdo who believes u OWE them sex 🤮🤢🤢🤮

u dont have to have casual sex if you dont want to!! esp since you're a virgin, i think its important for you to be wise about your partner and choose someone who is considerate and caring!!! THIS IS NOT A RACE, you can have sex later in life, i assure you its nothing special if you feel "compelled" to do it/dont like your partner/dont feel comfortable.

having another person inside u is as intimate as two people can be and it is so vulnerable,, dont rush it and dont do it with someone u dont trust to take you through the experience tenderly!!!

i think you just need to drop your friends lol,, they sound unhealthy

if i dont include my r4pist, then ive had sex with 3 people (i dont actually want to include baldie tbh but 🤢🤮) and 2 of those were with a partner (1 is my current partner) and those experiences were so pleasant and wonderful<3 ive had people tell me i "should" try casual sex 🙄but its not for me and even now i tell you, i have no issues staying celibate, i think its better to just not have sex than to have dissatisfying sex ://

you wont "lose" men over sex lol, you might lose immature men but those are exactly the guys u want nothing to do with!!! its a great way to weed them out!!!

i follow a 5 date rule with sex actually. i have to like him enough to go on atleast 5 dates with him before we do anything intimate,, if he seems impatient or too eager or whatever, then cut his nasty ass out,,

(this is just general advice for anyone, i know you dont want to have sex<3)

stop telling people your personal business btw!! you dont have to share your sex life or lack thereof with all your friends bc its none of their business at the end of the day. ESPECIALLY since they dont seem to understand where youre coming from, you should stop sharing this stuff with them. this is not info that you owe them just bc ya'll are friends. i absolutely hate sharing my personal business with my "friends" and all the times i have, i absolutely regretted it. i hate that kind of interference. like YOU dont get to have an opinion about my life lol??

basically, stay private, you do you, nothing wrong with being asexual or being celibate, sex is overhyped and most men dont know how to fck (sorry to speak facts) and the right partner wont want sex from you. there are men who take care of bedridden partners. love makes anything possible. and i hope you find someone who truly genuinely loves you so that you never have to worry about any of this.

i also hope you get better friends!!!<33

wishing u the best,

Heaven<3