#and its stupid but it really bugs me
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Really wishing people would stop commenting on and ESPECIALLY stop making fun of the way I walk.
My gait is messed up and when I don't have my cane, I usually look like I'm half-limping, half-shuffling and I am fully aware of how weird and out of place and messed up it looks. I don't need to hear people joking about how I "walk like the zombies from The Walking Dead" or whatever clever joke people come up with that day.
I am fully aware, thank you very much. And no, you're not funny.
#disability#disabled#physical disability#physically disabled#I was having a good day and decided to leave my cane behind for the four steps to the light switch and this fucking dick decides that this-#-was an okay thing to say#i was having a good day man. i wasnt in a lot of pain and i was vibing#and now I feel like shit#and Im hyperaware of how I walk#and its stupid but it really bugs me
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I can't believe she turns into a FUCKING bug and no one told me
#so insane to me that i haven't been spoiled about this 500 times from awesome fanart#that i had to immediately stop reading and spend 4 hours making this#anyway. i made the arms of the flight pack squidy cause by the time i got to them i was so sick of drawing buggy legs#wormblr#taylor hebert#my art#traditional#digital#i would've also added bugs around her but its almost midnight and im tired#oh also! originally she didn't have a buggy abdomen and her guts and intestines were kinds hanging out and flopping around#but it got really hard to keep track of it all and it looked stupid
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Why the fuck are there roller skates, dubstep, stage lighting, an LED screen, and all kinds of modern technology in Xilonen's trailer??? I thought Fontaine had the most advanced technology next to Schneznaya and arguably Sumeru, and every instance of high-end technology we have seen leaned more towards machinations with gears, magic, alchemy, essentially fantasy styled sci-fi???
The disrespect towards Native American and African cultures is enough to piss me off already, but it even goes against Genshin's own consistency with its fantastical world design..and for what? Just so you can have this...pop and gamer aesthetic???
Just look at these two bubbly and optimistic characters for me okay
Yoimiya's design isn't the most respectful and accurate representation of a Japanese firework craftsman, but at least you can damn tell she is Japanese. The large ribbons, hair accessories, tassels, leg covering, tattoo design, shoe style, and fabric patterns all allude to this (I apologize for not knowing the exact terminologies for these, this needs further research).
Then there's Mualani who has...what? Please do correct me if I am wrong here, but her character must be inspired by the real Mualani, a Hawaiian Chiefess. Additionally, her tribe's specialty is in tourism and vacationing, which further leads into the idea that she and her tribe are based off of Hawaii despite the known issues regarding Hawaii and tourism (if there are any good sources that summarize the issue, please do lmk).
I am not too familiar with Hawaiian culture, but there really is nothing about her design that reads as Hawaiian, or even just traditional, to me. What about a 2 piece swimsuit with bows and tails, a bow + braids + ponytail hair style, combat gloves (?), and an entire neon shark, is Hawaiian???
The characters, their designs, and their trailers, are just so culturally disconnected from their real life counterpart that it's even disconnected to Genshin's own world building and design. How the fuck is the fashion trend in Natlan denim pants. I feel like the only parts of Natlan that feel like Genshin Impact and culturally inspired are the in-game music and landscapes (God bless Hoyo-mix and the world designers).
#xilonens music in particular pisses me off.#she could possibly break my entire theory that dubstep in music is meant to represent otherworldly power#actually- the fact that the some of Natlan is like this bugs me#it could either be a legit disrespect to their culture by just not having the traditional music as it is#Or it could be the best use of musical foreshadowing this game has ever seen. which would be fucking bonkers and awesome#I have a separate post abt the use of music- particularly orchestra and dubstep#xilonen's visuals n music for her demo is just. wtf man idc if it sounds good it doesnt sound culturally and worldbuilding grounded at all#anyways thats my fucking rant for today#i am so goddamn pissed that they just wont fucking respect these cultures to the point it ruins their own quality#its really damn stupid#fontaine was genshins best designs...then they dropped this next#absolutely fell off#even with the whole technology thing- fontaine with their research and gears and all its so cool#then natlan has vtuber avatars- turntables- led screens- you get the point.#fucking ridiculous#evelynpr genshin#genshin#genshin impact#Im sorry I finally make a genshin post again#and it is this negative...im really sorry#genshin critical#natlan#xilonen#mualani#yoimiya
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It's so incredibly funny to me that by ep 12 Peem and Phum have kissed like a hundred times already and done and said the sweetest things to each other, yet they're not together yet
Phum finally confesses and Peem has the guts to play hard to get asdfghkljkkll "no I will not tell you I like you too, but I'll let you kiss me and kiss you back tenderly and lovingly, I'll be your safe place, I'll book a trip to the beach for just the two of us, and I'll even get a room with only bed so we have to sleep together" lmao they've been hitting on each other since day one, pleaseeeee
"try and win my heart", BRO YOUR HEART HAS BEEN HIS SINCE EP 5 WHO ARE YOU KIDDING
#we are the series#peemphum#i love them your honor#like it seems ridiculous that they're not together yet but in context it makes sense#its done very beautyfully and kts very realistic bc real relationship are complicated like that#but like theyre so funny to me#you could have been together since day one really#you havent been his slave for ages#youre just sticking to that stupid deal to have an excuse to see him#which you dont need since youre friends now anyway! youre both in the same bug group of friends!#you literally dont need an excuse like that to see each other lmao#theyre ridiculous and i adore them#my posts
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i wish boys who have a crush on me would not feel entitled to touch my stuff whenever they want. it's not yours! back up buddy!!!
#guy at work likes me and just like. put on my gloves today. for no reason#its been like 10 hours but its still really bugging me and i dont know what to do. put them in the wash?? im too scared of ruining them#ik its small but like. dont touch my shit! dont put your hands that i dont know where theyve been in my gloves!#im stressed about accidentally stretching them! please do not wear them bc you will stretch them!#he also just. takes my book from me when im reading & starts reading it out loud. haha very funny. i was using that.#idk its small stuff. he doesnt do it often and i haven't said anything before because i dont want it to seem like im drawing a hard line#in the sand over this. like this is stupid i fully acknowledge it. but dude.#dont touch my shit!!!!!! stop touching my shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have told you i am not interested!!!! stop pulling my pigtails!#to be deleted later#one of the students at my job today made a joke like 'you two are married' like no. i know youre actually ten but do NOT encourage him#i had to grit my teeth and bear it though. because the kid is ten. we are NOT fucking married
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Atsushi's back in the game!!! ۶( ˆ o ˆ )
#And Kouyou!!!!#Also. I can say Steinbeck is kinda 👀👀👀#King of the specific category of “I forget I like him until he's on screen”#I'm seriously unlocking memories with this rewatch. Like I haven't thought about it in two years–#but I just know when I was watching the anime for the first time I was being like#“Of COURSE the villains need to spend several minutes each episode explaining in detail how their own superpowers work so that the–#protagonists can get a perfect idea of how to best counter them. Why are villains made so freaking stupid in this show” aljhvwslchvqliyqwb#But. Eh. I guess that's just bsd to you.#Alsoooooo random thought of the day: I don't really favour how Tanizaki's ability was adapted in the anime.#I very well understand they were going for this green Matrix-like illusion effect‚ but every time someone says “... Snow?”#I'm like please explain where do you live that has snow glowing green.#Aamsjgvfaskjhfv sorry this is me being very. Cranky and nitpicky and having terrible audience etiquette in refusing to–#engage in suspension of disbelief. It just bugs me akvakcvqkyb I just feel like... Green is such a non-snow color–#that quite of completely disrupts the Light Snow / Sasame Yuki aesthetic. I would have liked it much better light blue or simply white.#What else. The way the Guild just goes on at stereotypes still troubles me a lot. The “usamericans can't be touched by laws–#because they use money to corrupt anyone” “foreign criminal organization come in our country to corrupt our pure and untouched soil”#Idk. Maybe all of it is true. Can it still be deemed a stereotype when it's objectively something that's happened before–#and will probably keep happening?#I suppose I'm just not a fan of the constant hostility against any foreigner. Idk.#This situation besides is extremely ironical. If you meet me irl it probably won't take long to see me being very outspoken about–#how much I despise usa cultural colonization of all other countries. It's something that really bothers me‚ how rooted and pervasive–#their influence is. So in a lot of ways I can relate to the author's sentiment#I just feel that. If you start treating them as stereotypes and ignore the complexity of a country and the wide spectrum of causes–#that contribute to its attitude in international relations. You end up practicing precisely what you're trying to criticize.#Okay this is the last time I'm getting into the politics of the Guild arc lol#random rambles#This time I took watching the episode slow I feel a little late
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i used to never consider myself someone who got angry easily but lately everything pisses me the fuck off. im so stressed and it feels like everyone wants everything from me will you all just fucking leave me alone
#my neck hurts i slept on it wrong and its giving me such a bad headache and i was at work for longer than i expected#And stupid fucking rush hour traffic and i have class in less than an hour and i really need to shower beforehand like#just emotionally i need to and i hopw the hot water will help my neck and head#and i just fjnally got home and my mom js bugging me and the dog is screaming at me just LEAVE ME ALONE#brot posts
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i dont give a single fuck abt gender arguments and transandrophobia or whatever the fuck but i need my mutuals to see this absolute nuclear bomb of a post that just passed by me that made me go straight past laughing into coughing. please
its the funniest shit in the world. the typo insinuating that trans women are responsible for the historical erasure of trans men. stating that they have culture and then saying theyre a cultural void. transandrophobia isnt real except for this one single legendary hater who somehow understood the assignment
#null havoc damage#I DONT CARE ABOUT STUPID AS FUCK ARGUMENTS LIKE THIS BUT THIS ONE GOT ME REALLY BAD. ITS REALLY FUNNY#YOUR ART CULTURE CONSISTS OF YAOI FANART. YOUR MUSIC CULTURE IS UKELELE SONGS ABOUT BUGS#JUST SAY CAVEDOWN. WALTER WHITE VOICE SAY. HIS. NAME#this is just regular transphobia but taken to a comical extreme. this was written by a 13 year old with an okay grade in english
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I just need you to know I was reading your tags on the Sillinger/Fantilli Deadpool/Wolverine gifset going "YES THE EYE CONTACT! AND COLE'S WHOLE FACE JOURNEY! AND *OH MY GOD* ADAM'S HAND ALMOST BUT NOT GRIPPING AT COLE'S BICEP" like that near grip Adam took had me fainting like a fucking Victorian era man who saw a woman's bare ankles like W.H.A.T.
I neeeeed to write them omg.
ANON. ANON!!!! please. write them!!!!! and send me a link if/when you do 😇 i’ll prepare my fainting couch (the floor)
#shout out to the columbus blues org for last year deciding they were going to pair up adam and cole for all their nhl (???) playoff media#we really. i still have the world’s worst powerpoint presented by adam and cole in my drafts somewhere and i can’t post it#bc i wanted to make a fake PowerPoint to put on the screen as a joke & it was funny but i didn’t write it down before I went to bed so :/#liv in the replies#also like. what was up w/that nhl?? why them 😭 not complaining just so confused. adam hype wasn’t at its peak NOR was tate mcrae revenge#so they really were like. Hmmm. I like these two little freaks. this one is well-trained. let’s use him#like do you ever think about the blessing that the UMich social girlies bestow on nhl media teams by training all of these men so well.#they do not skip a SINGLE question they will be bullied into it they will give you an answer even if it’s stupid god bless.#adam fantilli#cole sillinger#columbus blue jackets#i REFUSE to admit defeat at the hands of the umich boys#worm. worm. WORM!!!#as we all know i don’t have the slightest idea who cole sillinger is irl but i DO want him to be involved with his teammates.#love thy goalie love thy stunning star prospect… OHHHHH NARRATIVE UNLOCKED OH NOOOOO COLE KNOWS HE’S NOT THAT GOOD SO HE TAKES CARE OF#EVERYONE ELSEEEEEE OH NOOOOOO this message brought to you a) by my elvis merzlikins agenda at all time so that whole sentence but b) by me#mid-realization trying to be like Cole’s not like. bad right you can’t say this but then remembering everyone pulling out his stats to do#him dirty while the whole tate mcrae breakup/release of details was going down and i was like oh actually. like he could be. ALSO on that#note which was so messy i do have to say that news was a shock bc i knew cole sillinger from years prior when everyone held him up like a#bug they pulled from under a rock like who is THIS after he sat front row at fashion week to support his gf so. the threads of this ALSO#come from the initial vision of ‘damn isn’t this a nice one?? a nice hockey??? like lmfaoooo you guys he’s the wag and loves it’) but. this#is also my failing as a storyteller that I love this and will put it in everything but. service kink accommodating for others to give what#he thinks he can’t to allow them to be better. also just. i watched him clean adam fantilli’s floors you can’t go up from that. ANYWAY
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11:23
I'm a damn leech. That's all I am
#audrey/kellie's rambles#audrey/kellie vents#dont mind me#im a leech. im a bug. disgusting. im too much to bare. others in the community talk to each other and yet rarely me#i try to talk witj them. maybe im just not that ... good with my ocs. maybe thats why they never ask. maybe-#im too fucking clingy. im too obsessive. im too moody. im fucking crazy.....#I'll just be here tho. i wonder why no one really talks to me. outside of the internet and in of the internet too#but maybe that means im too fucking annoying for something. bjt then again they have a life and its not sll about me. and my long ass asks#they should be sble to live their life. and yet here i am. getting jealous fucking jealous that my friends are talking to each other#its stupid. i shouldn't be like this. its fucking stupid to he jealous of my friends talking to each other. but it seems like i only#see them as my friends or maybe its because i said smth about my school. and then they leave me alone. but theyve.. always left me alone#always. always a shadow. always actually reminding me that im a bad fucking person. always to be there because...#honestly it has to be me. right? im the damn problem. thay dont talk to me. yet i talk to them endlessly. like they are already gone or smth#i suck at being friends. because this is who i am. some possessive fucking freak. i really should. choked myself with some wires.......#this is just reminding me that my twin is more better and more interesting then who i wanted to be hack then when i was on Amino.#even back then they didn't care for me. now its like its the same but much worse. because-#i hate it. i hate feeling lonely. what the fuck. give me fucking validation. give me attention. give me love.#give me any fucking kind of attention. hate on me. spit on me. kick my legs. i dont. i just want attention. i want to be the center of it#all. but im not and it fucking kills me. i want it so bad. and honestly? i did. for a fraction. because of Flor and my other past ideas#and Flor was a bit of a self insert. she was a sona. in a way. and now Yume will be one too. but-#fucking. don't fucking talk to me. i need to work on his draft
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more bullshit
#this is such a good way to spend my time Im so fucking busyyyy#this also actually made me realise that its the second time ive drawn denmark as patrick/christian bale and its like. well its true but im#insane also#ive been wanting to do the fernanfloo meme for 50 years though because that most litearlly is already his outfit#but well anyways i got to give him a spiffy alternative fancy outfit that im kind of obsessed with#it may be that he doesnt have his stupid headband for 5 minutes or the bullet wound swagger but well i like him#litearlly no body is going to understand the context of the first meme until like. 6 volumes of my comic come out im crazy#well whatever. its for me ok.#i should have been working on my berserk drawing but instead.#my ranting#do you guys understand how long it took me to find the christian bale image without the goth bugs bunny i wanted to kill myself#then all i had to do was google ''christian bale so cunty'' and the second image on google was the fucking post...like goddd#''why is denmark in heaven'' well because the inbetween is all clouds so the backgrounds always are white please pleaspelaplseplease#i know i backed myself into a cornerrr thereee but pleaseee#Pleaseee#with that logic he should also be wearing completely white clothes unless theyre his normal outfit but i figured that would look Really Wei#Weird so i didnt do it#im aware no one cares and im inflicting these rules upon myself ok well the illness#...which is why i also tried to fit kyles binder beneath the dress which he would never wear bc of the dysphoria but i figured ok well. idk#the binder was built into the dress or something idk idk dont think about it too hard#''dont think about it too hard'' is the hardest thing 4 me. well i will think about it soo hard unfrotuantely#its 5 am#my art#kyle batillo#denmark newman#kar#it feels really weird to draw the 2 of them without ilya there. its like going to a hotel without the cuck chair.#like wheres my beautiful third wheel scowling in the background#cady will you tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back OK SORRY i should rewatch meangirls. for the millionth time#sad you cant see his giant gauges bc hair is covering but just remmeber theyre there k drew them.....
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I really wish people would be straight up about what they mean sometimes. When you ask me why I did something and I explain why I did it don't come back at me with "excuses"!!! What the fuck are you talking about, excuses? You ASKED I am now TELLING YOU WHY IT HAPPENED why are you mad at ME for telling you??? When you asked?????
#i dont get it i dont get it im gonna SCREAM#i had an Interaction this week and i had a dream about it last night because its bugging me so much#is this autism? because i feel like theres a whole Social Thing here i just dont fucking understand#i never have!!!!! my parents would do the same thing!!!!!#“why did you do x???? what were you thinking???” =#“oh i did this because y happened and then i felt z so it was only logical to do X. i thought it was the right way to respond?”#THEN THEY GET MAD AT ME FOR ONLY GIVING EXCUSES????????#like im not excusing anything im. explainging. whats . going on???#am i having an aneurysm????????#anyways as SOON as someone pulls the “excuses” thing even JOKINGLY i get teary bc like ????#idk it feels like what im saying and doing is being wildly misinterpreted#and i dont know how to fix it#bc then as soon as im emotional and confused im told im being manipulative for having that reaction ????#(this is in reference to like. my mom. bc for some reason anyone having emotions about shit is them explicitly trying to manipulate and#control her)#idk idk idk im so tired#personal#okay to reblog#if you understand this and have the spoons to explain it. i would appreciate. i feel really fucking stupid rn and a genuine understanding of#the situation would be. nice
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Idk if this is silly, but when I see people in their early twenties who are desperate to find their “person” and “start their life” in that way I just want to shake them and be like oooomg shut up you have so much fucking time and please enjoy every moment you can have for yourself without another person even in the picture. Please just learn about yourself without enmeshing yourself with someone else and make yourself the biggest priority of all!! There is way too much emphasis on needing to quickly find “the one” (which is a stupid concept anyway when there are 8 billion fucking people on the planet and people who could love you are everywhere) and I hate how it’s like societally ingrained in us.
#by bug#I can’t believe I felt like that too like we’re all so fucking stupid imo#I would give so much to have most of my twenties back as a single person and I mean that fully#like romantic relationships are way too prioritized idk#I realize we all gotta make weird decisions tho so we can learn from them later#this isn’t about any one person or vagueposting btw I just kept seeing posts like that on reddit and lex and was like cmon#you’re 22 you’re like an infant taking its first steps into the world#I think back to me then and I was so clueless and naive and baby compared to now#I wish I could go back and tell myself to not tangle my roots with another person until I really knew myself more#and to take my time with basically everything so I could explore every option
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gahh . im still thinking about stuff.
#and like ugh. no. the reason i havent been happy with my art recently despite liking how it looks is cus im too exhausted#from work and life and such to really put the effort and thought into it i want. its careless. its thoughtless. theres#very little in my current portfolio im satisfied with on an intellectual level. and it makes me feel very#stagnant and kind of pissy about art. gah.#<- btw. call me pretentious or whatever and ill just straight up kill you. this isnt pretentiousness. i just care deeply about my art and#it conveying what i want it to. for me to be failing on that well. it kindof sucks#i think a lot of the work im happy with now is my stupid soliloquies to myself. theyre scratchy and look bad but at least they#get it across. yknow? ahh its so hard then.#txt#this isnt all that serious just thinking to myself.#having an odd blurry moment so putting my thoughts to text helps a lot in figuring who i am LOL . <- in a system way not in a .#whatever#but i do think that ^ above not the system stuff ^ contributes to why i really feel negatively about being viewed as a fandom artist#despite drwaing fanart- i want to use these characters to explore and think about stuff. u know? and i think fandom spaces#tend to treat fanart and writing and all that as mostly disposable one time use pretty things to think on once nad never agian.#and GAH!! that bugs me!!! i do not like how the internet has PRIMED people into treating art that way!#personal pet peeve i guess. what can you do
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Absolutely insane line of thought process is keeping me up tonight from sheer anxiety and its like how do u explain to anyone that some niche beef on the fucking internet has left u remembering one of the most harrowing experiences of ur life
#anyway james if u ever see this i hope u know that youre insane and not in a funny silly endearing way#but in a 'holy shit get a therapist' way#in a 'how fucking dare you make the most foul out of left field assumptions'#'about my private life. about my own experiences'#'to try get a stupid leg up about how much you really hate a fucking stupif ass fighting game character'#fun fact- u LITERALLY share the name of one of my abusive step siblings#who left me traumatized even now#how fucking DARE you envoke ur own abuse and trauma#to justify being a foul piece of shit to anyone who dares breathe in the same space as u who likes a fucking dumb ass#fictional man who isnt real#as if ur the only guy on earth whose ever dealt with familial abuse#youre fucking INSANE#get HELP#this shouldnt even bug me cause its such a stupid fucking thing to be mad about#but ig in that regard im no better than you
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i have so many juliya comics in my mind i need to not forget them
#dont read this if you dont want spoilers. ->#umm ones a cruliya shoppingthing cuz ithink hed be super curious abt how crucy wants 2 change how she looks#umm. the obvious juliue talking about The Room situation. and also it bugging him 4 no reason#julikaua talkingabout grass (THIS SOUNDS SO STUPID BUT IPROMISE ITS INSANE)#the fireflies one... (smiles)#ummm....... sorry youguys get to hear the ramblings of an insane man#julimari gender one too. that ones. (sniffles)#OH MY GOD.HOW COULD I FORGET THE MOZYAT ONE#that one scares me but i see it so well#also one of juliya calling gsc over and over just because its cute i love his weird friendship w/ the girls there#eurmmmm.... what elsOH RIGHT. OF COURSE#iwanted to do one where hes thinking about his life now compared 2 when he was under surveillance and itd be nice for him to leave a final m#message 2 mozyat since it cn't really do that. idk#im crazy. Im crazy idek if ill make any of these
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