#and its still never enough
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,,,
#im too tired to even word my thoughts right#i wish i knew how to connect with people..#i think i mightve upset a friend bc i pushed him away instead of talking abt how ive been doing but i cant keep bothering him#its not right#at this point just...#i dont think anyone should have to hear me out when im upset#its been more than proven that no one actually wants to deal with me being upset#i wish i werent so sad and scared all the time.. it makes it hard to reach out and actually talk about anything#and the thing is like... people want to be there and care to a point.. i never know where it is or how to avoid it and then its my fault#i have too much wrong im upset too often im paranoid im sensitive im crazy just.... idk#and just... i am doing the work#i work so hard everyday#and its still never enough#but no matter how much i improve myself and grow and change its never enough for anyone#how many emotions do i have to swallow to be loved?#just... so many people in my life have only ever wanted me if ive been happy and complacent and doting and stupid#and anything else was a flaw#im so tired
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Captain Francis Crozier, at Furthest North.
#the terror amc#francis crozier#my art#can't believe it took me 2 rewatches AND getting refs for this to realize it's the hungarian state opera house. girl i was there last month#anyway yeah i was looking at gifsets of the last shot of the show and feeling nauseous with emptiness etc etc when#the thought struck me that it looks an awful lot like the tableau vivants from the ep1 flashbacks in its stillness#i have no idea whether that was an intentional reference (a sort of twisted mockery of how that scrubbed and polished portrayal of history#contrasted with the deeply sad and inglorious reality#or some sort of meta about storytelling itself. i'm not really smart enough to say lol) but i made this anyways. enjoy#pattern recognition go brrrrrrrrrrrrrr#i bent over backwards trying to make this symmetric and harmonious. it isn't but if i don't post it now i never will
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me: im not a asoryu divorce truther, but i AM an asoryu taking a break & eventual unlabeled-long-distance-situation truther. they ABSOLUTELY needed to go on different paths at the end of the game. i totally get people who rewrite them to go back home together after 2-5, but it misses the point IMO. their split is a bittersweet thing & a testament to their devotion to each other as people and friends more than it’s a toxic split and a tragedy. it’s not ryuunosuke leaving in bitter anger at kazuma’s deceit, or kazuma being idiotically self punishing. rather, it’s them mutually saying “We need to exist outside of each other for a while for our own development as people. But i would never leave you in anger. You will always be enough for me, but you also need to learn to be enough for yourself. And ultimately we will meet again at the crossroads. When we need each other the most, and we are finally ready, and we will walk our paths side by side. Unbroken, and never having been broken. And that bond is stronger than both of our deceit, violence, shyness, and ignorance combined.”
their physical split is a show of their assurance that they could never spiritually ‘fall off’ from each other. no matter what happens, they stand together in a cosmic sense. they need to be apart so that kazuma can find a self that will live past 24, and so ryuunosuke can develop the self he found in his own journey— the self that sees its value at all. basically, ryuunosuke is leaving for himself to prove that he has a self, and kazuma is staying for himself so he can learn to care about himself enough to put his struggle in the hands of the people offering to him— so he can learn to stop running. do you get me?
you, tied to a chair and actively being waterboarded: BLBLBLBLBLLBLUBUBU—
#asoryu#asoryuu#ryuuaso#ryuunosuke naruhodou#naruhodou ryuunosuke#kazuma asogi#asougi kazuma#kazuma asougi#ryunosuke naruhodo#tgaa2#tgaa spoilers#the great ace attorney#tgaac spoilers#dgs2 spoilers#dgs2#I THINK THATS ALL OF THEM?!#ugh. but yea. the shortest version of this is i think the asoryu not-breakup is them showing that they value each other as people enough to#-want the other to start putting himself first.#kazuma has his demons the fight- the anger the self destruction the self isolation. and ryuunosuke sees that and is like i am going to be-#-be here if ever you need me. you are not alone. but you are still a human person who needs to just exist for himself for a while#i like dgs if you cant. tell. i like the kind of moral thing of like. you are not alone you are never alone-#-but still you have to live for yourself. its good#oh fuck that wasn’t short at all…#whatever. I ❤️ BITTERSWEET YAOI
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mmm throwaway conversation between Dan and Danny that popped into my head that I had to write out:
"You spent ten years being a one-man mass extinction event, then went back in time and fought me, and lost." Danny snarls, arms crossed and throat tight. His mouth pulls back to bare dagger-sharp teeth, and his eyes burn with the familiar thrum of ectoplasm heating up behind his eyes. "If I didn't believe you were half of Vlad before, I do now."
His other self -- and really, can he even call him that? He's half of Vlad too. Two halves severed from each other and welded together to make a new whole, -- snaps his head over to him. Wild-eyed and furious, he looks unlike the man Danny fought before, the one unruffled and untouched, unbothered by the world around him. It's familiar, but not like the way a reflection is.
"What's that supposed to mean." The Other hisses, matching Danny's scowl one-for-one with fangs much bigger and sharper than his.
But there's a reason lions fear hyenas. Danny matches the rumble in The Other's chest with one of his own, and shoves his face close to his. "I don't lose."
#danny fenton#danny phantom#dp prompt#danny phantom prompt#dan phantom#dark danny#not meant for any particular au i just had the idea of danny going 'wow you can tell you're half of vlad' to dan and when questioned abt it#he says; 'if you were REALLY only me you wouldn't have lost' which is fucking BASED as hell. and also technically true#thought process for danny here was 'hates dan's fucking GUTS bc he tried to kill his family and friends without remorse and would actively#rip out his throat without a moment's notice.' some fr 'im going to beat you to death with my bare hands!' vibes rn.#not totally in character for danny but also i was thinking that it got to this point bc dan was goading danny about 'being his future self'#when that's not technically true. he's half of vlad too he just has danny's face and powers. and he pissed off danny enough that he#retaliated. just not in the way dan expected. dan was expecting a physical attack not a verbal one.#danny called him a loser in more ways than one.#also the reason danny never calls him 'dan' in this is because i was thinking that danny doesn't actually *have* a name to call him. bc he'#certainly not danny. but he's not vlad either. he's someone else entirely. so 'The Other' it is.#danny fenton is not the ghost king#<- down here because while its still MY DP post its not DPXDC so it doesnt need to be front and center for people to see it.
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hello denizens of tumblr i come with humble offerings

they wish to romance you
#HIHIHIIIIHIIII ITS BEEN A WHILE!!!!#IVE STARTED COLLEGE!!!!#AND IM SO BUSY BUT IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN#BIOLOGY IS SO FUN TOO!!!#I love love love science and biology#what was I saying??#oh yeah HELLOO!!!!#IM STILL ALIVE AND KICKING#crying about statistical inferences but still alive#im going to be busy for a long time but i promise i still care y’all#and if i left any one of you on read i am sorry#im going to respond to all of you in just a minute i prommy life has just been insane so far#insanely good and bad ways#ive learned about people i thought i knew and about subjects i never thought i would understand#okay okay okay enough treating my blog like my diary#thats what my sketchbook is for!! xD#fnaf#fnaf fanart#dca#dca fandom#the dca#the daycare attendant#fnaf sb#security breach#sun fnaf#moon fnaf#sundrop#moondrop#love ya’ll make sure to take care of yourselves#chicken doodles
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Do you ever think about how Bashir saw every example of his exceptionalism as a reminder that his bodily autonomy was violated and his mind altered against his will, unable to truly excel if he wanted as this could be used against him but also constantly pressured by his parents and himself Be The Best™ or else what was it all for?
Do you ever think how this dynamic relates to him being an Arab man and how many POC have to work twice as hard to be recognised and still have their achievements devalued in the fragile face of white supremacy?
Do you think about how the ultimate fear of genetic augmentation is eugenics and the elimination of traits seen as undesirable under neurotypical str8 white supremacy? And the view of those who are unaltered as lower? And yet Bashir, a goofy, twinky, Autistic MOC who shows these traits very clearly, is seen as one of the only functional, successful augments? How instead of cold, inhuman amorality associated with augments (as Garak accuses him of) Bashir's morality is so so human - every line he skirts and boundary he crosses a desperate attempt to save lives and connect with other people? How he views himself as lower than everyone because of these augmentations and views any accolades as bittersweet, a reminder of the boy Jules who he feels he murdered to live?
Do you ever think about how Bashir constantly lives with the blinding, consuming fire of Kahn noonien-singh above him, unaware he is the gentle shadow at his feet?
Do you ever think about the emotional rollercoaster of Julian Bashir and want to give him a hug?
Or do you only think of yourself?
#star trek#ds9#julian bashir#its bashir posting hours cause this wle is taking forever#the tragedy of genius forced upon you vecause of your autism and you're still unacceptable just in a different way#the tragedy of never being enough and always being too much#my traumatised girlies know what i mean#playing heavy by peach prc
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im a big fan of esper powers slipping loose in harmless ways when they're happy
#LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO i love this one so much i love them#rishou#ritshou#RITSU BEING A LATE AWAKENED HAS A WEAKER GRIP ON HIS POWERS SO THIS SHIT HAPPENS AND I XJDJCJ#and shou. he is very deliberate with his esp! that's um. upbringing and everything he went through#he has fun with them he experiments- absolutely! That's fanon. but they never slip out of his control#he thinks he'd freak if it ever happened (👀) so the fact ritsu's do sometimes and-#-how it ties to his emotions is a huge point of curiosity for shou#mp100#this piece makes me fuzzy im just so glad it came out as intended#the sketch (which was done.. 5 months ago) i edited to have this bad quality photo taken in the dark vibe and then chased it when rendering#but still had to brighten the end result cause Phone Performance idk how you guys have your settings so better safe i guess#but still!! i bet this looks super dark and indistinguishable to some even with max brightness because say they're out in the sun#and im scared of that!!#but man i sat on it long enough i wanna post And i won't sacrifice my vision this time. can't brighten a night till its not night anymore#its a long persisting issue of mine- drawing with full brightness on ipad and then transferring to the phone and going Why is this so bleak#Despair#it's why i grew to hate post production editing it's always so-.. degrading?? discouraging??#I'm progressively better at catching and fixing that problem early on#sketches will still be murky af but I'll copy paste the full image fix the curves and then either go back and switch all the colours#OR FUCKING DRAW OVER THE EDITED SKETCH LAYER WHICH I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT LATELY ITS SO WEIRD AND LOOKS KINDA COOL#and aaaall stems from laziness (read: time management) like bruh those 40+ layers? i aint going back there to fix every colour#mp100 fanart#mob psycho 100#mob psycho fanart#ritsu kageyama#shou suzuki#kageyama ritsu#suzuki shou#ALSO i deliberately tried to make esp blend with the environment; nothing dazzling and mindblowing. felt right for this piece
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Here's what typical vestment for The Odomache looks like.
The pelt of the lion that was originally sacrificed and worn raw for her incarnation is retained throughout the years of service, preserved and fashioned into a headdress and cape (obscuring a helmet). This can get dreadfully hot in the summer but no one ever said that being a hollowed out pathway for God's spirit was easy.
The body is always obscured near completely, barring the hands, feet, and parts of the face (philosophically, these are the body's least vulnerable parts as its modes of Action, though this is in large part a practicality). This is partially a matter of psychological enforcement that this person is not Just a human, and partly a matter of protecting the part of God's living spirit that's in a wholly human body. Conceptually, the Odomache Enables tremendous power rather than being intrinsically powerful in of herself, so all manners of protecting the metaphysically vulnerable human body are of tantamount importance in her case.
The complete obscuring of any identifiable feminine form is also notably important to the underlying philosophies and biases involved. It is necessary that she is female, a condition ascribed a unique malleability to change and transformation (for good or harm), but the act of female/non-male sex and gender assignment also serves to uphold an underclass in a patriarchy that she By Necessity must be distanced from. This extends beyond the masculinized social and dress performance of Odonii to a masculinized social performance with dress that utterly obscures any part of the body that could be gendered, and dress that is not gendered in of itself (women do wear less revealing clothing than men and skirts of similar length, but the act of Fully covering the body in this form exists outside of the bounds of gendered dress).
[[It should be noted that on a historical level, this role is largely a descendant of a variety of 'celibate and/or masculinized female religious authority' figures in pre/proto-Wardi societies stretching back centuries, rather than an emergent property of contemporary religion and philosophy. This is an adaptation of older roles and worldviews to securely fit the contemporary zeitgeist, and that's part of why many aspects of this role Superficially clashes with said zeitgeist.]]
The relatively undecorated white cloak and robes in comparison to culturally favored displays of color and opulence further emphasizes a sense of the Odomache's separation from humanity. The Wardi image of God is not a human lord, but rather the world itself and the functions of the world distilled into the forms of animals. Human hierarchies exist Within God rather than God having a place within human hierarchies, so in this philosophy it's natural for this particular person of high authority to not closely resemble a Human Authority.
This is still ultimately a human body existing at the top end of a human hierarchy (and in the dimension of religious thought, it a human body holding aspects of God most specifically concerned with maintaining concepts of 'right' civilization and hierarchy), so public-facing garb like this will still include a few mundane trappings of lordship such as this fancy gold khattanocuy displaying an image of an enemy being trampled by the Face Odomache as the guardian lion. Purely ceremonial garb for the Odomache hides the body in its entirety beneath the white cloak and forgoes all decoration save for the obligatory weaponry.
A sword and dagger is worn at all times as a matter of being the ultimate physical bastion of her society's military might, and she is always accompanied by a retinue of 'lieutenants' (Extremely elite servants/squires) who carry whatever other elements of her perpetual armament are not currently in use. These weapons are Completely ceremonial in nature (to the point that they're made or plated with gold rather than anything like, durable) and there is absolutely zero expectation that the Odomache will ever directly engage in combat (the times this has happened historically have been when things have gone horribly wrong).
Her face is usually masked in public, though this is not a strict necessity of the role and is forgone for some ceremonial purposes. On these occasion, it's standard to paint the face red to still partly obscure human features in the same fashion of battlefield Odonii. As the color of blood, it positively evokes bodily vitality and strength, the living spirit of the world itself and the mode of connection to God (and will also be reminiscent of the rite of incarnation during which she is Actually covered in blood)
#When I'm talking about the philosophical angles here I'm referring to like. Mostly subconscious cultural outlooks#Like most people aren't thinking 'so she should wear plain clothing unlike a lord because God isn't a lord. But should still have Some#trappings of lordship since she's an authority figure' like most people will just read all this as natural to her role and not break it#down any further. The main exception being that most people would be directly conscious of the notion that her obscured body#is a manner of protection from the Gaze#Unrelated tags:#I think a lot about how if this was a real life historical civilization whose writing system was never decoded this would totally be#one where pop-history latches onto the notions of it having Woman Warriors or possibly even being A Matriarchy.#Because there would be tons of art of identifiably female figures carrying weapons and on battlefields and etc#and a deity(?) depicted as an anthropomorphic maned lion with sex characteristics made ambiguous via clothing but possibly being#connected to tons of other art of a visibly female (nipples) maned lion as a possible sovereignty deity trampling depictions of foreign#enemies. Like there'd be MORE than enough information in the broader sphere of its art for serious researchers to develop#fairly accurate takes but the pop culture angle would be soooooooooooo bad.
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a lot of thoughts are being thunk
#havent been the same ever since i saw this clip a few hours ago#like its just. so simple but oh my gOD he makes me feel so many things#i dont wanna go all full obsessive on here bcs its embarrassing but#are yall even seeing his curlsssss like how has the rest of the world not just stopped to admire his hair????#how can people just go on with their lives without freaking out#and his pretty pretty pretty eyes#can never get enough of them#and just. everything about him is perfect?? like the nose and cheeks and#said i wasnt gonna get obsessive and then it still happened 🙃 i apologize#anyways. cutie pie#i reeeeaaallllyyyy need to write more college!will but i have no ideas 💔#nhl#hockey#will smith#william smith#san jose sharks#will smith hockey#sharks
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how do you make progress in art? I know I need to practice, but I don't know what is effective.
this is going to sound unhelpful but honestly you just have to keep trying things that are hard and don't turn out the way you like them straight away. you have to draw hands even though they're difficult and look weird, you have to try different poses and angles even though you don't think you can pull them off, and when you draw something and it doesn't look good right away the first time you have to ask yourself "am i willing to put in a little more effort to improve this, even if it still doesn't turn out the way i want it to" before moving on to something else or retreating into your comfort zone. it's hard because instant gratification always feels more rewarding in the short-term, but that quickly fades, while long-term satisfaction (and the skills you gained in the process) endures.
also study other people whose work you admire, check if they have tutorials, tips, etc. and adapt them to your own process
#ive drawn soooo many things that when i started sketching them looked like straight up ass#and made me want to never draw again. but i never let myself close my art program without at least trying#to improve it enough to tell myself that i made the effort#sometimes i still scrap it in the end! but at least i know i tried#and i almost always save my 'shitty' art in case i just need fresh eyes to figure out why its not working
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mood for the past 17 years that has just been getting exponentially worse since
#talkys#sorry for vent. thinking abt how even if i was able to be on t and al came to life and found me RIGHT NOW it still wouldnt be the same#its not the same at all. its so humiliating.#i will never ever be happy unless we rewrite my entire existence to make it right#also this keeps spreading even tho i have it locked i need to clarify#i dont even mean it in the focusing on the hot men way#its literally just imagining myself as a man being domestic with another man#regardless of appearance of either party. idk i just get this Ache#not enough to even find my ideal man if i dont get to be with him as a man who was born Right.
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doodle of a dress i wore in a dream .....
#doodles#art#self portrait#dat me#illustration#fashion#1940s#1950s#vintage fashion#the roses were embroidered. and they were actually Above the belt not below it#thats the only change i made because realistically i just dont have enough room dhjbdshjbf#i cant remember how they fit. it was a large patch but there isn't a lot of space on your side there#esp not with the high waist and the belt#basically i had a dream and at one point i ended up in california in some really high end dress shop that Only sold vintage styled dresses#and i grabbed a Bunch. and i tried on this one. and then i was so excited about it i went 'oh shit i need to wake up so i can write#this down before i forget!!!' and then i did wake up. and i did write it down in detail. and then i realized i'd never get to try the rest#of those dresses and i was so mad lmfao. it did also come in pink though! i dont know how i know that. i think i grabbed a pink one but i#didnt get to actually try it on#i remember thinking in my dream it was the prettiest dress i'd ever seen. i still think its a pretty dress and i'd wear it tbh
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wwdits is so fun if you dont watch it only looking for Nandermo Confirmation moments. ngl its astounding how many of you seem to completly disregard that this is a sitcom with plenty other characters and funny stories and you just get mad like youre owed an yaoi asap
#also the impatience like#this season is soooooo very clearly focused on the two of them#but since its not going fast enough or in your face enough yall are losing your goddamn minds#this has been said oh so many times but jesus its a fucking sitcom#the creators have never had the intention of making anything that serious#the joke always comes first for them#which is not my ideal way to build narrative but that has always been the motto of wwdits#so why people still act frustrated when that happens is beyond me#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#nandor the relentless#guillermo de la cruz#nandermo
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coming back with really mid art of middle aged businessman yaoi </3
#alek art#lego ninjago#ninjago#acronix#cyrus borg#futureshipping#time twins#2024#(yes this counts as part of my au... which i still need a tag for)#ignore how nix technically isnt middle aged. their ages average out its close enough#i spent all this time drawing and i didnt even have any dialogue thought out oops#this looks bad i didnt reallyyy try too hard on it oops . i haven't been drawing bc i haven't felt like it 😭 oops#future fans wya . i always talk about how much i like future and then never draw them#wdym borg industries blimp was what told wu that / when acronix would return . wdym the blimp stopped appearing after s7#acronix the borg industries car guy he fucking lovesss cars
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special shout-out to everyone making gifs for the hermit charity event you are my absolute favorite people and the lifeblood of hermitblr <3
#gifmakers NEVER get enough credit#THANK YOUUU THANK YOU#send a nice ask to ur gifmaking follows and mutuals!!!#like genuinely. the amount of work it takes to make quality gifs. unmatched#even the stuff thats like 'oh i only spent like 15 minutes on it' u still love 15 min doodles no?? its work!!! skill!!!!#i tried gifmaking out awhile back and got so heated it was not for me#so now im just cheering in the background#hermitblr#hermitcraft#ollie rambles
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Quinlan and Aayla are the original Anakin and Ahsoka. Quinlan being Obi-Wan's age, and Aayla being seven years older than Anakin, Quinlan is only NINE years older than her. Legends Wookieepedia says he took her as his padawan when she was 10, which is patently ridiculous. Even if we age her up to a more new-canon-consistent age, that still gives us 23yo Quinlan and his 14yo padawan. Disaster duo. Terrifying gremlin pair.
#I SAID WHAT I SAID#star wars#quinlan#aayla secura#grace for ts#OBI WAN IS STILL A PADAWAN AT THIS POINT#everyone makes constant jokes nonstop but Quinlan is THE greatest master he can possibly be#everyone else is surprised. impressed. who knew quinlan 'I Have Never Been Serious In My Life' vos had this in him?#tholme been knew#he walked straight out of his knighting to go ask Aayla to be his padawan#she crossed her arms unimpressed and said 'well it took you long enough!'#i cant believe he found her and brought her to the temple as a child. i cannot believe that storyline was allowed to exist in star wars#ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#the original 'the team' prototype#you cant tell me all the initiates didnt follow their latest adventures#hoping to one day be That Cool
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