#and its only a few weeks in
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i need to calm down
#havent cried in like months so ofc now is when my body decides to try#in the middle of class#im just so frustrated#im so mad at my doctors for lowering my adderall dose when iw as doing good on the 20 mg#i dont know if its the depression or what but i cant fucking focus im so overwhelmed#shark speaks#i hope i can go home and have a good cry and eat something yummy#i feel so behind and liek im scrambbling to catch up#and its only a few weeks in#and because of that all my other doubts and worries about the future are piling on#sorry mutuals if your reading this and followed me for horizons stuff#this is still my personal blog tho so i gotta vent somehwo
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at work
#one piece#paulie#iceburg#(cells at work opening plays)#this belongs in a monthly sketch log honestly but its only week 1 of the month and i quite like it so here u go ...#fun instance where the characters just kind of posed themselves and i found sfuff to read into! like:#*stuff ...#this would take place a few years before the mugis arrive in w7— slightly more casual look on iceburg#& still kinda rookie-ish paulie: one arm behind back respectfully while listening but not enough sense to point his cigar away from his boss#id also like to point out: coffee stains on an 'urgent' client folder
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another wip, that i wont be able to finish for a while
#guys send help and motivation for the next week i have 3 tests and a homework to finish rip#star wars#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#codywan#my art#wip#uni is kicking my ass so badly 😭#trying my best not get back to the mindset i was in the past few months#but its hard like this ugh#at least only a week and exam mont left of this semester#sorry for rambling here 🤣#you guys should watch the vampire gay show#thats what keeps me going its so good#im obsessed with it#i made a typo *month#thise drawing was also inspired by that show#its great show#i think i need sleep why im still rambling here#okay sorry if you are still reading the tags#made another typo *this#*screams silently*
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Return date for my webcomic, Time and Time Again!
It's been set for a while but sometimes they change the date without warning, so I'll keep you updated if anything changes!
I'm extremely proud of the work I've been doing on it, I can't wait to share everything!
See you then!
#i still have to finish book 4#soooo iiiiiii will do that... this week...#really trying to be done with it but this one is taking so long for all the changes!#hoping to have an update on that soon too#might have taken on a few too many projects#but yay! return!#yippee!!!#i would say sorry its been so long but theres no way it could have been shorter and other people are gone way longer#i tried to leave things on a nice note so itd only be missed for wanting more#and not missed for feeling abandoned#ok! time to get up for another day of work! really need some things off my list so my days can be like.#9/10 hours instead of 12 LOL#im so tired. im legitimately extremely overworked it's a problem#ok bye back to work for me#return#hiatus stuff#time and time again#announcement#use this post to talk about how excited you are and make guesses and shower me with praise :-)[-[#LMAO
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I should also mention...
We are entering the Endgame Territory.
I am working hard on whats coming, which is definitely the hardest update I have ever drawn! I have been saving this final plotline for over a year now and I am feeling so many emotions about finally getting it on paper! (on... tablet? digital canvas?)
I hope you guys are excited! I also hope the wait for another update wasnt too bad!
#posting this to hold myself accountable to finish thursdays update#lmaoo shhh thursdays update isnt done-#im getting there#2 arms left#rottmnt#I dont know what day the merch is coming though#tuesday or wednesday?#but yeah after this batch of updates I only have....#a few updates left to do before the main comic series is going to end#they WILL be emotionally heavy. btw#after this week there is still plot#its just#wrapping things up plot
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who i see, looking back at me m.list
pairing: sebastian solace x reader
mentions: post-urbanshade fic, no use of y/n or pronouns, u are his partner <3, hallucinations, grief/mourning, non-sexual intimacy, touch aversion, it's about the yearning, hurt/comfort, pretty angsty but happy end i promise, ooc sebastian probably (u are the wedded love of his life tho so i did my best loll), i took creative liberties with his mom and siblings, tentative reconnecting :)
current word count: 33k (in progress!)
summary:
it felt like you were being watched for a while now.
at first there was the prickle of the hair on your nape standing on end. then, you started seeing this teal glow underwater whenever you were resting on the dock by your cottage. you brushed it off, thinking maybe it was some marine animal or you were imagining things after living on your own in your grief for so long.
but then one day you come face-to-face with this weird… mermaid thing that kind of sounded like your late husband. acted like him, too, if you ignored everything else about it.
yeah, you definitely had to be hallucinating.
AO3 LINK
chapter one
chapter two
chapter three
chapter four - TBA
chapter five - TBA
bonus #1 - TBA
bonus #2 - TBA
#shay scribbles daydreams#sebastian solace x reader#sebastian solace x you#yeah bay beee its happening#ch2 will come whenever it is the right time (aka hopefully in a few weeks dfsdjf)#wow only two tags for him. i got so used to the million different tags for the dca LMAO#pressure x reader#roblox pressure x reader#<- takes me out every time tht hes a roblox fish man sdfsfssdf#who i see au
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she wrote some of the most romantic lyrics of all time about him and now has to sing them 3x a week for the next 5 months??? i would simply Cancel The Whole Tour
#'give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other' SOMEBODY SEDATE ME#she literally released all of the girls you loved before a few weeks ago IT CANT BE TRUE#i hate parasocial relationships and everything but oh my goOOODDDD#pls no#pls tell me its not true#taylor swift
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friday october 13th!!!! its their deathday
#danny phantom#johnny 13#kitty#dp johnny 13#dp kitty#dp shadow#only halfway today did i realize!!its friday 13!!!!OCTOBER!!!! i was too late to celebrate it#so i had to content myself with another dp related doodle because!!! johnny and kitty!!! ;3#ngl johnny & kitty in dp fics being nice to danny are my weakness ;)#ive been struggling with finishing my art last few weeks so a quick doodle felt really nice to do ;)
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The end of this season kinda had good timing so that I can have my brain back while doing a much of research trips. I won't be very responsive, but I'll still be chilling out on Tumblr here or there with randomness and updating the GiyuShino fic when I have nights back at home (and I'll go put up Chapter 5 soon if my brain doesn't give out). Sword Fic will have to wait another month or so.
#i'm going to be sleeping in like#10 or 11 different places over the next few weeks#i did some panic research today and worked 10 hours because I had been busy with unrelated tasks#but only after a moment of not doing anything#kinda like Zenitsu needing a minute just to sit before heading up Mt. Natagumo#that was the feeling precisely#but once I got going I felt better#been tied up with other things and its been weeks since I've looked at any material I'm working with next week#but after several hours of reading I feel calmer
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#wip? maybe? i still wanna change a few kittke things so we'll see#we're gonna say its finished for now#i finished this maybe a week ago and then the urge to post it has been building up since#so im posting it before my head explodes#last life#life series#traffic smp#trafficblr#scott smajor#smajor1995#smajor fanart#idk what other tags to have#also no caption. only tags. i am whispering to you
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Imagine if you were a gay or bi man who tried a certain firefighter show because of all the attention it was getting for one of its mains having a later in life bi awakening.....and between seasons you ventured into its fandom in search of material to tide you over til the next one. And you're greeted by a deluge of posts and fics that are just cheerfully homophobic towards one half of the newly out bi character's canon relationship on the basis of 'well he's not the RIGHT gay guy' and pushing the idea that actually its fine to cheat on him because Reasons and he's sexually predacious based on......behind the scenes implications people have divined like they're reading fucking tea leaves.
But don't get it twisted....this fandom, like all fandoms, really cares about representation!
Sorry not sorry, but we really need to kill this idea that fandoms are welcoming and inviting and inherently progressive when they're frequently insular and reductive as fuck. Every single fandom I've been in has had major trends of people doubling down on their own headcanons and fanon interpretations of the characters and willfully enacting trends aimed at running off people who like the 'wrong' characters (usually characters marginalized along one or multiple axes), like the characters in the 'wrong ways' or other bullshit.
Scott is a Bad Friend fics overtaking Teen Wolf fandom was not incidental, it was a FEATURE of the fandom, because the vast majority of that fandom did not want to share its space with anyone who had the nerve to like its main character. Survivors complaining about or criticizing the prevalance of rape fics in a certain fandom has in my experience always led to a reactionary UPTICK in those fics, with gems like 'this character can, will, must be raped' in the tags making it crystal clear that some of these fics exist because how fucking DARE anyone try and push forth a narrative not agreed upon by Fandom Main.
I could cite examples for so many other fandoms, with the commonalities always being that vast majorities in these fandoms are explicitly reacting defensively to being asked to be more mindful of fandom trends revolving around or exacerbating racism, homophobia, transphobia, rape or abuse apologia, ableism, etc....
With the most prolific fucking rallying cry across countless fandoms being "No the fuck we will NOT be doing that," because lolololol.....
Fandom is an inherently progressive space, didn't you hear?
#anyway this has been on my mind in general for a few weeks now#and its more about fandoms just being fandoms#and like....what if they werent though#these patterns migrate from one to another as fans migrate from fandom to fandom bringing their bullshit with them#like do people never get tired of just trying to call DIBS and claim fandoms for themselves while shutting out anyone else#who might have a lot to fucking offer if you werent being so gd intent on staking a claim instead of sharing perspectives#and exploring new possibilities?#and I know not everyone links certain problems with racist homophobic and other behaviors to my own issues with dark fic and rape and#abuse apologia but I do inherently see it as sharing large portions of venn diagrams even though I do not consider being a survivor to be#something that demarcates privilege in the way that axes of identity do#as its situationally based rather than inherently identity based#but the way it can affect and shape large parts of peoples' identities begets commonalities#but my point is just.....a big part of why I so often lump it in is specifically because of how people react to these things or#defend against criticism across the board#like most people know my stance on censorship and how my blood boils when its people who are throwing accusations of#censorship at those raising criticisms....#but the point is just.....think about what censorship actually IS in all practical senses of the word#its about shutting down conversations. limiting the flow of information the sharing of perspectives and experiences#THATS WHAT MAKES IT BAD#now......what about criticism inherently lends itself to any of those things if you DONT accept as a foregone conclusion that criticism#is only ever offered up in bad faith and meant as a silencing tactic#instead of just a request or offered avenue of ways for things to be done better rather than not at all?#who is ACTUALLY out here trying to shut down convos and limit possibilities?#is it really the people being critical of fandom behaviors and trends?#or the ones doubling down at the first hint of any criticism and aggressively ramping up how frequently and visibly they engage in#the criticized behaviors in efforts to drive people away or as a silencing tactic of their own?#just saying
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Well this absolutely sucks.
#vice is responsible for some of the funniest articles ive ever read and also some of the best reporting on far right dingdongs#im currently watching some more news' video about the internet killing journalism that literally came out 2 weeks ago#and its obviously only gonna get worse. unfortunately i reckon rolling stone might be the next to go. some of my fave writers went there#after other sites died but the EOC stepping down a few weeks ago doesnt bode well#anyway everyone go subscribe to the worker owned sites like defector discourse blog and 404 media!#because they're needed more than ever!#vice#vice news
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Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between
#to be or not to be. that is the question#ty adam for being my model for dramatic vampire moment#musings on the thinkings about:#when to live you are required to hurt others. you must repeatedly ask yourself what the value of your life is#To sleep... perchance to dream...#ah. THERES THE RUB.#ok I actually couldnt come up with too many thoughts. I had a lot more while I was drawing this but I guess I put them in the painting LOL#reading that soliloquy and being like damn this is just like vampires#the reality of course is that the soliloquy is a debate over suicide and ultimately making the choice to live#even if just out of fear of the unknown#and vampires are about dying and then in undeath choosing to continue to live#despite the fear of eternity and loneliness and hurting others#theyre not the same. but like let me thiiink come onnnn I'm allowed to thiiink and have incomplete thoughts#I would have to write like a proper essay about this to organize my thoughts. this is the tags on a tumblr post.#anyways finished episode 79#working on patreon stickers for this month (and next month soon)#and working on book 4. taking a pause from episodes cause I've got 3 weeks of buffer now... UGH#I'm so mad that they changed it. it would have been 5 weeks before but it's fine it's whatever#anyways yeah taking a break from episodes to make my book now!#its good stuff.#and this painting is good stuff#banger after banger from me tbh#this was a little relaxing giving myself a couple hours to muse#it's necessary for my health and I always forget that til I do a painting...#I loved doing the little landscape in the background too I should do that more! I love how plants are just like whatever shape you want#like you can make up any plant you want and not only does that plant PROBABLY exist somewhere#a weirder plant exists somewhere too. so. literally whatever you want#ok bye again for a few days while I get back to work
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#iirc the datv embargo lifts in a few hours time#its exciting for sure!! ◕‿◕#(theres some good info out there about what u can expect etc)#everyones level of comfort/preference for spoilers or what they consider/dont consider spoilers or do/dont want to see beforehand#is different and thats valid#for me rn my pref is not seeing much more of the game than i have so far so i will probably not be watching/reading most of those bits of#coverage which are described as 'spoilery' due to this#im just at a stage personally where in the main the last thing I'd like to see now is just a good look at the CC and the CC options#and then just any of the more 'generic' stuff like any new official screenshots that get tweeted or if theres one more trailer or something#(know what i mean? maybe generic is the wrong word but like vague or general or something). and thats about it#so if i'm quieter on here or not postin about sth new that you've seen or focusing more on less-new stuff like V&V eps i didnt get a chance#to listen to yet or i dont know the answer to something etc thats why ^^#i've turned off asks and submit as well jic#sry for any inconvenience caused by that and for not following/posting everything in the coming weeks hh!!#its like a push and pull between wanting to be hyped with everyone/overanalyze every new crumb/wanting my blog to be useful and#not wanting to know much more about the game besides CC than i do atm hh#ultimately we will only get to go into this game and play this game for for the first time once so yea :D#(and in case it helps to know for your own curation purposes my datv spoilers tag is 'dragon age the veilguard spoilers'!!)#mj and the world
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shooting the shit
#yeah idk what this is or what its for but it happened#TRYING DESPERATELY to get back into digital art#(ik its only been like a few weeks but ive been avoiding digital)#my art#idk who this character is#some fucking anime boy who knows#artists on tumblr#art#whatever
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“I forgot you do that. Whenever we get – what’s the word – close? Anywhere in the neighborhood of emotional vulnerability? You back off, or make some joke, or find any way to shut the door on me.”
FAVORITE SPN COUPLES (1/?) → Dean & Cassie
#supernatural#spn edit#spn#dean winchester#cassie robinson#spn gifs#deanedit#deancassie#spngifs#spn 1x13#favoritespncouples#everybody loves season 1 aesthetics til its time to gif#anyway dean spilled the family secret to cassie after just a few weeks#i never want to hear anyone say he's the less emotional / romantic one ever again#i'm convinced the only reason why dean has this womanizer reputation is because we see season 1 from sam's POV#they've grown apart so much but sam still thinks dean is exactly who he was at 20#so the audience is told that dean doesn't want to settle down and could never take a relationship seriously#even though we know that's not true. his life just doesn't allow him to get what he wants#anyway the point is i love cassie and i love them together#but i'm glad she survived and never got involved with the winchesters drama <3#myspn
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