#and because of that all my other doubts and worries about the future are piling on

[sharkdays]

i need to calm down

[thesirencult]

Their First Impression Of You

@thesirencult

Sidenote:Personal readings are now open! If you want to know what your future spouse is like or what's stopping you from reaching your true potential for 11€ then reach out to me 💕

Pile 1

The Hermit, Queen Of Swords

Their first impression of you is that you are wise and contemplative, an active mind behind a quiet figure who knows how to command others. Your energy reminds me of someone who is used to being part of an environment where hierarchy is prominent (military, corporate, church).

The Hierophant is not here, yet I can feel that you grew up in a strict environment but that this doesn't mean that you despise structure, on the contrary, you have learnt how to thrive in this kind of environment and make the most out of it. That's why I believe that this person will come across you in a "formal" setting within which you will be able to showcase all those qualities freely.

They will think that you have been through a lot and had a lot to work through to make sense of life. You are really pragmatic, startegic and wise to them. A person well equipped to face life in the streets, even if those streets are full of high status, power hungry people. This gets them about you, you are not power hungry, you are who others aspire to be. An excellent public speaker, able to convey your thoughts into words in a clear a concise way, putting to shame the best of lawyers.

You are a great counsel and remind me of the character of "Jessica Pearson" from Suits and the tv show, Pearson, who as a personality enough reminds me of my little sister. If you are my sister and you are reading this then, hi baby <3 !

Jessica is an INTJ, something that is uncommon for women. She is above drama and gossip and seems unapproachable. I heard "311" so I rushed to see if this is a significant episode in the series that can give us more information on how this person sees you at first. So, apart from the fact that 311, November, March or April and number 5 might be significant for you, from the "climate" of the episode I get that this person will meet you while you are fighting a crisis and that's why all of those good qualities of yours will be at the forefront.

If this is someone you are romantically interested in, don't worry that you'll be seen as someone too stern or high above. This person will respect you and that's a great foundation for a relationship to start.

Pile 2

The Star, 3 Of Cups, The Moon, 10 Of Pentacles

Pile 2, I had to pull multiple cards for you because this person's foresight baffled me. Your reading is very positive and there is no doubt that this person will see you as a kindred spirit, a soulmate and a connection that they wish they come across in each of their lifetimes. First of all, you remind them of a long lost sibling, you may also look like you could be siblings. Their first impression of you is that you are a wish fulfillment in the flesh. They will see you as someone that is glowing from within, radiant, inspirational, kind yet courageous. They will pick up on your spiritual nature and how faithful you are. You are a believer who they think is a great counterpart to build their dreams with. A friend and a potential future lover and life partner. They will think "The stars have finally aligned in my favor!"

Potentially, this person will come across you in a community setting. I'm getting light-hearted energy, doing a hobby, in a "brotherhood"-"sisterhood" environment. This person intuitively, from the first time they meet you, will know that you will play a big part in their soul's evolvement. "I found you again!", this could be something they tell you to tease you, like, stumbling upon you somewhere outside of the environment you usually meet at and they tap your shoulder and tell you that, but in reality they mean that they are really happy that they found you in this lifetime! They will be so pleased whenever they come across you and they won't be able to hide your smile. Your first meeting will be very serendipitous, as it may happen during a time in their life where it perfectly fits in.

Their first impression will be aligning with their purely intuitive idea they have of you if they have heard about you or saw you around. You will seem friendly, affectionate and eager to please others. This will make them want to be their best self when it comes to you and to protect you from the world.

The Moon tells me that at first they won't even know where this deep bond will lead you, they are just happy to be by your side and the same applies to you. At first you both will not even be able to imagine where life will lead you, but the 10 Of Pentacles shows that you are both worthy of love, building a life together and having stability.

To them you are pure joy, worthy of abundance and love. To the community that surrounds you, it's clear that your connection is different and that you'll end up together, as they can see that your person, who is usually moody and closed off becomes a golden retriever around you exclusively!

Before they fall asleep at night, on the day they meet you, they will think to themselves "After all, love doesn't have to be hard."

Pile 3

5 Of Cups, King Of Pentacles, 4 Of Pentacles, Ace Of Wands, 2 Of Cups

Pile number 3, who hurt you my love? I think that I'm interrupting something between you and Pile 2, or that I should be interrupting your train of thought to tell you that you deserve to be blessed with someone like Pile number 2.

I had to pull more cards for you, to receive lighter messages that would make you hopeful for the future and show you that you should believe that true love exists and it's not hard to find it. You just have to tune in to its frequency and you have not done that before, so, it's clear that this is what's hinderring you.

Your forever person, will read you like a book on your first interaction. I'm getting that they will have the opportunity to work with you on a specific task and that you will get to know eachother that way. They will realize that you're going through a period where your tender heart has been bruised by life. They will see you as calloused, full of grief and with fragmented expectations. The energy that you are going to exude to them is " I don't want to feel this way anymore!" You are shedding your old skin during this period and it shows. This person will tell you "You did what you could and now it's time to have faith and be hopeful that the future will exceed your expectations."

Don't worry though. Your person will also see other things about you. You have limitless potential and you have the desire to change. You might be a bit "love thirsty" and in need of watering but they won't mind filling up your cup, even if it makes you feel guilty at first and like you are taking advantage of them, they know that they are strong enough to support you through trials and errors and to invest in you.

They will notice how interested you are in personal growth and self development or how patient and determined you are when going after something. You are a workaholic and it shows! At the same time, your person won't think that you are interested in them, as you look like you have more than enough in your plate. You won't give off "neediness" but an air of "success is a feeling and I'm trying my best". You seem content with what you have and that's why your person won't try to take things to the next level or talk to you a lot, as they will think that they will burden you. In reality, you will think that they are lighting up your life with their generosity and loving nature but you won't know how to show them appreciation and this will keep going until you get to the point where you think "If I don't give them what they need, then somebody else will take them away from me!"

This is a never ending cycle for you, as you will seem closed off and like you are not accepting their cup of love. They think that you are logical, generous with your time and money, experienced in life and mature, with great ideas but at the same time there is a darkness to you that will make their flame go cold and they will reasses their approach to you as they will mirror your energy and become afraid that you will take advantage of them.

We have 2 Of Cups, so this is the real deal my Pile 3. You need to step up and work through your self-imposed limiting beliefs or else you will lose this person, by your own doings. If you work through this first bump on the road and open up slowly to them and show how much you appreciate them they will be loyal to you and a great partner/lover.

[ghostlyferrettarot]

♥︎Pick a picture: 🐇🩵What guides do you want to hear right now?🩵🐇

•Pile 1 •Pile 2 •Pile 3

❗️This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the rest❗️

✨️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open!

🩵If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!🩵

🐇Masterlist🐇

🩵Pile 1: Queen of Swords, Ace of Swords and 4 of Pentacles.

It is essential that you start to trust yourself more. You have incredible potential that can take you far and help you achieve all those dreams you long for. However, sometimes you put obstacles in your way that prevent you from moving forward. It is time for you to realize that those limits are only mental and that you can overcome them.

Take a moment to clear your mind and focus on what you really want to achieve. If you put in the effort and work hard, you will see that you can achieve your goals. But it is also essential that you believe in your abilities and talents. Self-confidence is key to being able to show the world what you can really offer.

You have a personality that can shine and attract others, you just need to put aside those doubts that hold you back. Instead of getting stuck in your thoughts, start embracing your charisma and showing it without fear. Remember that you have everything you need to succeed, so go ahead, you can do it!

🩵Song:

🪻Pile 2: The Hanged Man, 5 of Pentacles and 2 of Wands.

There are a lot of positive things coming your way. All the hard work you've been doing is going to pay off, so don't get discouraged. It's normal to feel a little frustrated or exhausted right now, but it's important to keep an optimistic attitude, because what you've been wanting so much is just around the corner.

You will achieve great things and people around you will notice. However, it's essential that you stay grounded and don't forget your roots. Humbleness is key on this path, and remember that every step you take brings you closer to your goals. Your effort and dedication will not go unnoticed, and that's something you should celebrate. You have a voice that resonates strongly and has the potential to inspire many. I'm sure you'll soon see the impact you can have on others, and it may be sooner than you imagine. So keep going, keep faith in yourself and your abilities, because the best is yet to come and you deserve to enjoy every moment of this journey.

🪻Song:

🎀Pile 3: King of Cups, Knight of Pentacles and 3 of Cups.

It's time for you to take a break and celebrate everything you've achieved so far. It's essential that you find a space of calm in your life, where you can focus on the here and now. You may feel a little confused right now, as if you're not clear about where you're going, but in reality, that's part of the process. Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes, getting a little lost is what allows us to rediscover our path.

I feel that taking advantage of these moments of calm can be very. It is in these moments of reflection that you can connect with your true desires and passions, discovering what really motivates you and what you want to do throughout your life. So, instead of worrying about what is to come, allow yourself to enjoy this journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

Remember that not everything has to be resolved immediately. Sometimes, answers come when we least expect them, and situations tend to fall into place naturally. So relax and trust that everything will fall into. Enjoy every step you take, every small achievement, and don't worry so much about the future; the important thing is to live in the present and learn from every experience that comes your way.

🎀Song:

🩵🐇Thanks for reading and tell me if it resonated 🐇🩵

[11cupids-tarot11]

A Letter From Your Future Spouse

➽───────────────❥

1 -> 4

Cupid's Services Cupid's Master List Socials

Tips appreciated!

C@sh app and P@ypal only!

$minnieplant3

@janellec03

LOVE U

- Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

︻デ═一 ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Pile 1- Four of Wands, The Fool, Page of Swords, Nine of Cups, Page of Wands, The Wheel of Fortune.

"Hi you! I've been sleeping a lot, can't seem to do anything else lately because of how tired I've been. Finally. I can sleep as much as I want to now because of a situation that just so happened to end recently. Death.

What now? See, I've been wondering the same thing. But let's not even worry about it, let's just sleep as much as we want to because we finally can, even if it's only a little nap time out of your day do it because I gotta see you one last time later, I've got a message for you in your dreams. Spirit will tell you, don't worry about missing it or when <3

Resting so much so when I do have to work, you know, find that balance again between work and fun, I can focus on what's so important to me a lot better, I mean really give it my all... You know? Lol

Sorry, I dream a lot, you might notice my head is always in the clouds. I have very air energy like a Gemini.

Things are finally clearing up for me! I feel at peace, maybe we mirror each other and things are also getting better for you too? You have to let me know, okay? I feel like I can finally breathe again, be optimistic without being scared the rug is going to get snatched from underneath.

I've been working so so hard on my craft, putting in so much love and effort into my work and I feel really hopeful that all of my productivity will pay off soon, consistency is key, right?

I really like the color yellow, 😄 talk again soon!"

Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to do the poll below 👇🏾 ✨

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Pile 2- Knight of Wands, I forgot to write down the rest of the cards I'm so sorry 😞

"I have no problem with putting in hard work for anything I want, even you, you know? If you don't want me the moment we catch eyes I'll make you ;)

The moment I catch you I'm going to make sure I never stop loving you, I'll make sure every day is beautiful, even on our bad days we'll kiss each other good night before bed still. I love you!

Why do you keep worrying yourself? All of that doubt in that pretty little head of yours isn't good, you should lay it all to rest before you make yourself sick baby. Sleep more, practice some self care before you run yourself crazy, okay?

I'm so proud of you, you know, for whatever amazing things you've accomplished lately. I believe in you, I'll always be your #1 cheerleader!

You should go out and celebrate! Enjoy the sun, you deserve it my angel! Promise me you won't let this go by like it's just not that big and you'll go out and do something? Pinky promise?

Stay focused! You're on the right path, you're doing amazing! I promise you, all of this will be worth it, it's worth our future 💓 keep going, I know you can do it! 🎉"

Hope you enjoy!!☺️ Don't forget to do the poll below!!

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Pile 3- Queen of Cups, Justice, Four of Cups, The Moon, Three of Swords, The Star.

" Hi my love, you know I don't talk a lot haha, so I'll make this quick as usual and get out of your hair so you can go on.

I just want to remind you, you're my queen, my favorite, my whole world ❤️ I think red looks really pretty on you btw but anyway, I love and miss you like crazy at times like these.

I am going through something right now, a legal situation, a situation I wish would come to an end right now because it's so heavy on me, it's hurting me but I know at the same time it's happening to me because it's part of my karma, something that's forcing me to look so closely at myself, at every shadow because I think it leads me to you. My everything. We're going to get married, I'm so sure of it.

I'm keeping hope alive, I'm hanging on to every thread of it I've got. I'm working on everything right now, I'll catch up with you soon sweetheart 💋 I'm going to kiss you when I do, you won't be able to get rid of me. ;) "

Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to do the poll below!!

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Pile 4- Ace of Cups, The Hanged Man, King of Wands, Nine of Cups, Knight of Cups, Nine of Wands.

"I want to come to you with amazing news but I can't, I'm sorry to say, I've taken a turn for the worst right now. Don't worry, it's temporary.

I am slowly building myself back up, that's what I'm doing right now if you're wondering what I've been doing all this time. I'm healing day by day and I hope you are too sweetheart. I might be a bit stuck and tangled up right now, but I'm clearing through it!

I'm the kind of guy who will pursue you with nothing but kindness until I make you fall for me with your charm, I'm cute, I know I am, you'll love me, I have curly light hair, and a really cute smile. You'll think I'm so adorable.

I want to offer my heart to you, fully, 100%. You have me, all of me as long as you give me you in return, I hope you do, I can't be without you once I know you.

Take care my love ❤️."

Hope you enjoyed ❤️ Don't forget to do the poll below!!

[kalki-tarot]

PAC - WHY SHOULD YOU FOCUS ON YOURSELF INSTEAD OF YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE RIGHT NOW ?

Just meditate and ask your guides/higher power to provide you insight.

Allow me to tap into your energy. 🧿

My readings are always honest and I don't sugarcoat things, pls read at your own risk. And try to have an open mind. 🙏🧿💕

Pile 1

Cards - 7 of wands, 6 of pentacles, 8 of wands

Are you in a hurry to meet them? Your future spouse? You are rushing things and trying to get ahead of your circumstances or the present reality. You know what pile 1? You still have a lot of parts unhealed of your soul. And this is not allowing you to fly freely as you should. You may feel like your fears are greater than you, but trust me they are not. You have all the power over your fears!

In the hurry of meeting them, you are forgetting your own self. You need to love yourself first before loving someone else. You should give yourself more time to think and process things. You should try to ground yourself in the present. Try to do root chakra and sacral chakra healing. Your fears have created some energy blocks which aren't helping you at all.

Don't worry, your desire of wanting to meet the one for you is being addressed by the universe. You will get what you want. But you need to heal yourself first. Clear your karma and self doubts.

Pile 2

Cards - 10 of pentacles, 7 of cups, 4 of pentacles

Pile 2 my loves, are going through a spiritual transformation or awakening right now. You can't miss any steps in the journey right? Please focus on healing yourself more.

Okay, so I can see that you are trying to manifest love and abundance in your life or you are just dreaming and visualizing about it. Let me tell you this one thing, that it definitely is working in your favour but you also need to break the walls of protection that surround you. You are scared to go outside and meet new people. Dear, please understand that you need to get out of your dreams and delusions and actually step out of your comfort zone to meet your future spouse.

Your future spouse on the other hand are too trying to heal their inner child wounds. They are saying that you need to get stable in life. You lack grounded energy and are underconfident about a lot of things. Please try to let go of any insecurities that surround you. Because they are hampering your growth, pile 2.

Pile 3

Cards : Temperance, 7 of wands, 5 of cups

Do you have this tendency to get depressed whenever you don't get any messages from the pick a card readings of? Don't be dependent for love on anyone, not even your future spouse. Love them, but stay away from unhealthy attachments. The reason of their no communication is because they are busy. They are working hard in their career right now. And you too should now focus on your career and goals.

Everything is well when taken in moderation. Balance love and career both logically and like a healthy human being please. You also have this tendency to run away from problems or sadness and indulge yourself in overworking don't do that.

Some of you could be in same sex relationships and you are thinking that things won't work out. Well, things would work out if you make them work out. Try to take bold decisions and stand for that decision.

Don't look back at the past, this is the final step to meet your fs. Just keep going.

Pile 4

Cards : Strength, 9 of cups, 4 of swords

You lack compassion for your own self. You are someone who gives everything to others but feels bad for giving it to yourself. You may connect well with plants and animals or just nature in general. Try to work on your self worth and don't critisize yourself too much.

You have many things to deal with right now. You have many parts unhealed. Try to relax and rejuvenate more physically as well as mentally and spiritually. It'll be good for your overall well being. Try to play with pets or just stroll in nature for sometime to refresh your mind.

You feel like there's so much competition somehow (?) And try to give yourself small rewards for accomplishing tasks. Try to celebrate your small successes please. You need to celebrate yourself more in order to attract the right partner for yourself.

You need to be in the energy of self love and good self worth to attract good partners who emit the same frequency. Do you understand? Lots of love to you.

[daisys-reality]

─── 🍏ꜞ˖ ꒰ short messages from your DR s/o's higher self ꒱

⌇reality shifting themed tarot reading | general disclaimer | masterlist

pile one

Oh temptation, sweet temptation. Darling, you're gorgeous, inside out. How can someone be so perfect? I really wanna be gentle with you and treat you with the utmost care that you deserve. Not because you’re weak. chuckle No, because you’re so so precious to me. But damnit, my feelings and the attraction I feel are so intense. I feel like I'm going insane. I need you in my life. I would do anything for you. For hell’s sake, I would travel the universe for you too. Please don’t ever doubt me. I am trustworthy, I promise. You’re the only one who has my attention. I will protect and provide for you. And whoever dares to hurt you, will get to experience hell.

Don’t worry about your past or your circumstances, they don’t matter. Just believe, in yourself, in me or us or the universe. Focus on yourself for now, take time to recover from whatever you’re going through and release any resistance. I know it’s hard but it’s not too late. We will reunite soon! You don’t need to worry, okay? Everything will be fine.

pile two

My love, if you feel like you have too much that is depending on you, you might have to rethink following this path. It seems like your heart is willing to relax at this time, but this is not what your mind wants. You’re restless and exhausted… You know that your health is what is most important, right? I don’t wanna see you burnt out, okay? Learn to back out, when it’s needed. Continuing to fight for something that is not worthy of your life might end up being just a waste of time. You’re like a gift to me, okay? Obviously I am restless too and eager to finally be in your presence but your wellbeing is more important than any of my immature desires. I can wait for you. My love for you won’t waver. I will always love you, more than you know. Please give yourself the time you need. I will always be there for you. If you’re in the mood please tell me anything, you can even address letters to me. I would be glad if I could lessen your burdens at least for a little bit. You can talk about all your worries, your dreams etc. I will listen. So, let’s go through this together, okay? 

I want you to know that I’m truly proud of you, and I am confident that you will succeed.

pile three

I know you are my equal, my counterpart. There is no one like you. My heart and mind are committed to you. I know we’d make a strong pair. With you around I finally feel at peace, you make me whole again, you give strength to keep going. I want to be your strength too. I want to deepen our bond. I don’t wanna lose you. Ever. I am selfish and immature. I know that but what can I do? You're my other half, my world… I need you. Everyone else is not worthy enough for you. How could I sit still? I’m jealous just imagining you with someone else. Is it wrong to imagine our future together, a happily-ever-after? I promise I will work hard to make you as happy as you make me. Please give me/us a chance.

[leoascendente]

PAC/ Your future self wants to tell you... 🔮

-Reuploaded and reedited old PAC-

Hi my loves and welcome to this new Pac, today you'll receive a message from your future self. This is an old pac I decided to correct, rewrite and add some more information. Take a deep breath before choosing your pile and choose the one that makes you laugh, take only what resonates and leave what doesn't. You can choose more than 1 pile if you feel drawn to. Hope you like it, I love you all 💕

Decks I used: Goddes guidance oracle, moonology oracle, shadows and lights oracle, ethereal visions tarot, astrodices and my lucky charms.

For private readings click here

Pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

Pile 1:

Oracle:

Things will become a lot more easy in your future, I see you very happy with how things will move in your life in every aspect. There's a massive shift in your reality from what you curently have going on, you'll be making a bold move that will lead you to success very fast, this energy is fiery and rush so surely everything will move at speed of light for you once you give that step. I feel that this success is estremely close, like this could happen in any given moment, it's like you have the door, you have the key and everything ready but nothing moves until you open the door you have right in front of you. I feel that what is keeping you looking at the door and not moving forward is a wound related to your confidence, this wound is caused by other people who judged you and treat you unfairly in your past, they made you think you weren't capable of doing great things and they hurt you so much that you ended up believing their lies. Don't let cruel people's actions hold you back or repress you from doing what you really want to do, be unique, be original and don't be afraid to show yourself.

There's a karmic person coming back to your life, you know this person and you probably have bad a good memories with them but things ended up un bad terms. They are the same as you remember them, with their positive and negative traits but you have changed a lot since this person left your life. Your future self warns you about them, not because they have bad intentions but for you to not repeat a past situation with them. You'll need to listen your intuition to proceed with this person, keep a safety distance if they have hurt you or made you feel bad about yourself, I hear something about hero complex so try not to save someone who feels right being as they are, no matter if you know how to help them, if they don't need or want your help or advice don't waste your energies, there are a lot of people in the world that will really need and appreaciate your help, but this person from your past doesn't. Your future self tells you that you need to pass this karmic test, this situation will help you realize your inner power and recognize all your personal progress and growth, it will also be helpful for your confidence.

Take as divine signs when you see blue butterflies, horses or an orange cat, the goddess Freyja, something related to Avalon and pink flowers.

Tarot:

(Cards: Ace of pentacles rev, king of pentacles rev, 4 of pentacles rev, 8 of wand rev, the Temperance/ 6 of cups)

The tarot cards talk about money issues you have been dealing with in your recent past, but if it's not about money it's about your sense of stability or physical safety, something has made you feel insecure or this feeling of uncertainty is something you carry from a young age, you might have felt like doesn't matter how hard you work, the ressults of your work are taking longer to reach you. Don't worry or doubt about your manifestations, sweetheart, I know waiting can be exasperating sometimes and can make you think you are in the wrong path or things don't work for you, but your future self wants you to know that this is not your case, you are doing things the best you can so avoid being so hard on yourself, some things take more time to materialize in your reality but that doesn't mean they are not going to manifest, it might sound cliché but it's true, good things take time and the more time they take the more wonderful the rewards will be, every seed need its proper time to grow and become a tree..

Your future self ask you to stay more in your present moment and work in your feeling of deserving, your future self is perfectly fine but you are forgetting about enjoying your current life. You really need and deserve a break and have more fun, you deserve to live a happy life, you deserve love and you deserve success just for being you, start believing in yourself and all your worth. You are also in a healing moment of your life and that's why your past situation is coming back to finally end up with this cycle, you really need to leave this behind because new golden doors are opening for you. This past situation that is repeating has something to do with an emotional wound you haven't solved yet and this comeback of someone will be the perfect chance to make peaces with your past and turn the page into the new chapter, your future self is telling you that is your moment to heal and Universe will be giving you the opportunities to do so.

Temperance and 6 of cups tell you to enjoy the simplicity of life, these cards invite you to take things with calm and work on your inner peace. Take this moment of healing as a gift from Universe, let the Divine guide you and show you what you couldn't see by yourself, everything will end up better than you expected. Also, don't doubt to ask for help to your spirit guides, they are there to help you whenever you need them.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Taurus, Jupiter, 5th house/ agate, aventurine, rose quartz, golden leaf, shell)

Well... There's love and romance on their way to you, for the most of you this is the person you are going to marry and have kids or pets with, I hear something about a legacy so you will surely have an abundant future with this person, also I see this upcoming relationship will be very healing for both of you, you two will feel your relationship as a wish fulfilled. The agate and 5th house have the message of wealth created by following your true passion and heart's desires, the golden leaf also talks about prosperity and abundance. As an advice, your future self asks you to work on your sensibility and your intuition, you also can be developing psychic abillities

Pile 2:

Oracle:

My spiritual pile 😊, It's time to take a leap of faith honey, trust yourself and your potential because you are capable of great things and you know it, you just need to believe and remind it more. You are bold and powerful, my love but your mindset is playing you a bad trick by making you think about all the things that could go wrong, remember that it's just your brain predicting things that probably will never happen. We know we are brave after facing something that scare us, so do it babe, jump to the unknown with fear but do it, chase your dreams and shine like the star you are because the loving hands of Universe will be there to hold you.

You have a vision of something you want to achieve, you want to success in a very specific area of your life, maybe it's related to career, love, a glow up, money... Whatever it is you are going to get it sooner than you imagine but you need to stop rushing ressults by now and take the strategic steps you need to take because your goal is almost here but excessive control over things can be delaying your success. You'll reach your goal love, your future self assures you that, but you need a time to see what you really want and what works best for you, don't try to fit in a box that's not made for you, do things your own and unique way and you'll see how fast you manifest your desired reality. Also, your future self wants you to release the weight of fitting into other people's expectations of you, don't betray yourself to make someone else happy.

Your future self asks you to improve your intuition and your connection with your spirit guides, you have angelic precense in your life by the moment, they'll show themselves in the form of moths. Ask your angels for help with self confidence and releasing behavior patterns that are no longer useful for you, they are very present in your life because you are energetically ascending and overcoming a lot of emotional baggage, you might feel over emotional for the next few weeks but it's a needed process to cleanse your energies and your soul, let your emotions guide you and give you the answers to your blockages, and rest if you need it.

Tarot:

(Cards: Chariot rev, sun rev, queen of cups, justice rev, wheel of fortune/ High priestess)

You are or have been waiting for the perfect circumstances to do something you really want to do, it's something that when you think about this, your heart jumps with joy and excitement. You know this can make you really happy but you are waiting for the outside circumstances to change instead of looking within to see what's blocking you, you are being unfair with yourself by forcing you to stand still and wait when something that makes you happy is at your hands and is calling you so loudly, your future self is telling you to check yourself to see what's holding you back and why you are expecting a chage from the outside when you are needing a change on the inside, that's why this reflection moment is so important, there's nothing outside blocking you, this comes from withing yourself but remember that taking a leap of faith will be very rewarding. This emotional issue might be related to the fear of being judged or rejected, maybe your dream is something unconventional or the way you want to make it is, but keep always in mind that Universe is aligning everything for you to reach the best outcome possible.

You know the solution to it, you got the high priestess at the bottom of the deck and the queen of cups to represent you, you are wiser than you want to admit. Your intuition is really powerful, make use of that wonderful gift you have more often honey and believe it when your 6th sense talk to you. By the moment your future self tells you to let the Universe put things into place while you heal that part of yourself that holds you back from chasing your dreams. You can check pile 1 if you felt called too.

Embody the energy of the queen of cups by entering in your femenine energy, rest more, meditate, pamper yourself with things that makes you feel beautiful and comfortble, be kind with yourself, eat that ice cream you love etc. I hear something about a crystal ball, maybe you can get one to help you with your intuition and to communicate with your guides, you can also be having lucid dreams so try to keep a dream journal next to your bed to write your dreams when you wake up, dreams and the oniric realm will be very significant for you.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Taurus, the sun, 7th house/ white heart, rose quartz, shell, spike)

There's a love interest appearing soon in your life and this person is going to be very straight forward with you since the moment they meet you, you are attracting a lot of attention and people who wants to spend time with you. The shell fell next to the spike, telling you that not every person that comes into your life is good intentioned, your intuition will tell you who you can trust and who you have to keep away. You are going to receive tons of love, not just romantic love but true friendships, you surely will be reuniting with your soul tribe.

Pile 3:

Oracle:

My dear pile 3, you might not be in the best moment of your life and I'm really sorry for that, but the good thing is that there's divine intervention currently happpening in your life. You are being helped by higher realms to help you heal some wounds that you have been trying to solve and you could't by yourself or to help you deal with that situation that got you out of balance. It's something that's giving you a lot of anxiety and maybe even sleep problems. Your future self wants you to release control and surrender to the divine and a release, some things are put of your control and you can'tdo much about it, if you are not yet in that process of healing it will start soon. You got Eireen and Ixchel, both goddesses related to healing and inner peace, there's this really high vibrational energy focused on you and many times, when we get this energetic downloads we get overwhelmed by past memories or experiences so we can eatch them with a new perspective, the bad thing about this is the anxiety we get from this too. When you feel overwhelmed with this just call your spirit team, they will lead you to the answer of the problem, this will also make tou feel supoorted and protected.

Whoever chose this pile, you are a very brave and strong person, you have overcome some obstacles very hard to deal with in your past and most of you, just by yourself. This makes you feel powerful and confident but also distant and stoic with other people, you know you don't need anyone to solve your problems but we are still humans and we are social animals, our hearts will always feel called to create connections with others. You had difficult circumstances over life that might led you to create a protective shield around you to avoid getting hurt again, it's good to have healthy boundaries but avoid making your heart a feelingless rock. Your future self wants you to know that this is the moment for a deep dive in your feelings to heal and find inner peace, you need to release negativity my love, and if you can't do it by yourself, just ask for help to your spiritual guides, they wil be there for you but stop being so closed off with the world, also, your heart chakra is needing some attention.

Your future self tells you that there are new doors opening for you in your future that will lead you to success and maybe a position of autorithy/power for some of you, but you can't walk through them until you let go all that weight you have in your back that is keeping you in a negative mindset. Be careful with your pride playing a bad trick on you and try to use this time to release negative energies, you can wear a protective symbol to keep low energies away from you, I see specificly an Egyptian cross. You can also burn rosemary and smudge yourself with its smoke (please don't use white sage, it's in danger of extintion and it needs a ritual to be used correctly, use rosemary, it has exorcising properties and it's useful for almost everything)

Tarot:

(Cards: 2 of pentacles, knight of wands rev, emperor rev, hierophant rev, 4 of wands/ 8 of pentacles)

Mmm I see you are being a little reckless or moody with those reversed emperor and hierophant, are you allowing yourself to have fun? or at least do things because you want to make them and not because you have to? I feel you are repressing your happiness for something outside of you, I even feel that your muscles are tense. Maybe you are trying to fit in a enviroment you don't feel comfortable in or the people you have around make you feel lonely but you still hold on to them, idk what the situation is but it involves more people, for some of you this has to be about a toxic work enviroment. If this is the case, your future self tells that you don't have to cut them from your life if you don't want to but you should ask yourself why you feel like you need to repress yourself to make them happy, your happiness also matters and now you should be focusing on that.

Analyze the way you treat yourself or what you demand from you, your inner voice might be too hard and you have to be more gentle and caring with yourself. Honestly honey, I feel you are in a little toxic envorioment and that's why the need of a protective symbol, to keep the negative energies far from you, so an stone like tiger eye or tourmaline can be helpful to be energetically protected. You are an intelligent person but you are listening to the voice or opinions of other people instead of yours, by the moment let outter circumstances evolve at their own rythm and focus on what you can do for yourself and nurture your inner world.

Your tarot spread ends up with the 4 of wands, a card of celebration and happiness, so don't worry, you will have your happy ending. By the moment, your future self asks you to put the focus on the 8 of pentacles, to be progressively moving torwards your desires without listening to others, just do what you feel called to do. Also, think about the things you really want to do, fulfill your desires more often at the same time you acomplish your tasks, fun and duty can coexist if you allow them to.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Aries, Venus, 1st house/ infinite, golden leaf, star, shell, aventurine)

You need a big dose of self love, to put love and care into the things that make you passionate and you feel driven to make. Everything will end up good for you, stop for a while with overdoing or overthinking and invest more time in your wellbeing and emotional balance, you also need more silence to listen your inner voice and intuition more clearly. The overall message from your future self is that you need to think less and enjoy more your life, it's good to be ambitious but it's important we don't forget about ourselves in the process, we owe ourselves love, protection and care. The golden leaf tells you that wealth and abundance are flowing to you and the star is reminding you that you are moving into success and recognition for your talents, keep going and don't let anybody mess with you. Also with the aventurine and the shell you got the message of allowing this divine healing energy enter your life, light a candle for your guides, make a gratitude journal, etc. Whatever helps you develop your spirituality will make you feel a lot more peaceful and will make you trust more your instinct. I'm also getting something about eating more fruits and do some grounding excersices.

Pile 4:

Oracle:

Mmmm I see you excited for something new you are doing or something you really want to do, maybe it's a new hobby, activity, course or job, you know this involves some changes in your habits in order to do this new thing the best way possible. Even though you know the change can be difficult or uncomfortable, this new oportunity makes you very happy. This new dream of yours is going to bring you abundance and success in your future, I literally see golden sparks falling from the sky and being poured over you, so don't let your insecurities or anything hold you back from this because it's a golden oportunity for you, release any attachment and move into that direction, your future self assures you it's going to be worthy.

You can be through a period where you'll be very emotional, allow your emotions flow so you can understand better what your emotional world is trying to tell you, maybe you can discover the root of an insecurity you needed to let go so you can feel lighter. I'm hearing that you are used to your comfort zone and you don't manage well sudden changes, but babe, all your cards tell that this change will bring so much happiness and abundance to your life, don't miss this wonderful chance.

Trust yourself and your desires honey, if you are feeling that excitement within you about that new idea or offer you want to manifest is because you are receiving information from higher realms to lead you to your happiest and most fullfiling outcome. The change can feel weird at first but after a while you'll feel great for making that decition and have taken the risk.

Tarot:

(Cards: Page of cups, 3 of pentacles, 5 of pentacles rev, ace of swords rev, justice, 9 of pentacles/ Temperance, star)

Your future self wants you to take this offer/opportunity that is going to come to you or take the step to move into that path you feel excited for, it will take effort from you but you'll have good people around willing to help you in anything you need. This opportunity will also help you financially if you were struggling in this aspect, a lot of pentacles cards fell in your reading, 9 of pentacles wasn't supposed to be on the spread but the card wanted to fell anyway by the justice's side, like you will surely will get a contract, promotion or a formal salary, however it is, money will flow into your life.

Again, at first you can feel overwhelmed and exausted but the enviroment will be healthy enough for you to fit fast and easilly, if you are not used to team work the people you are going to be with will be super nice and helpful with you in every moment. If you are going to have a boss or a mentor of some kind they will surely be very polite, respectful and fair, they will be very trustworthy and will pay fairly for your work, this is a very trustworthy and healthy enviroment to move in. If you have any court case going on or an issue related to the law it's going to resolve at your favor.

You will have extra money to invest in yourself, maybe to start a project by your own or just to buy something you'be been waiting for the moment you could afford it. Maybe that's why this wonderful offer comes to you, because this can give you the resources you need to start creating something by your own. You'll harvest the fruits of your labor and you will enjoy the ressults and also being so proud of yourself, after a while you'll look back so proud of how far you've gone through. As an extra message I'm hearing something about being careful with sharp objects.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Cancer, Mercury, 5th house/ ruby, bouquet, white heart, agate, star)

There are mixed messages here, for some this can mean that there's a pregnancy happening soon, for others this can also mean the planning and success of a personal project, for others I hear a massive glow up too. The overall message of your future self is that you need to apply logic and love in your life to achieve your goals, give the needed steps torwards your dreams and think more about your desires and plan to get them. The star and the ruby are signs of success, authority and recognition, for some even some level of fame. There's also a gift that will make you very happy coming from someone you love and appreciate, I see this gift will mean something important for you.

Pile 5:

Oracle:

This is my other spiritual pile, you can read pile 2 if you felt drawn too 🥰, you are highly protected by your spirit guides if you were wondering about it, you are in a beautiful process of transformation and evolution. Your psychic abillities are also getting stronger or you are finding new abillities you didn't know you had, whatever you are doing with your spiritual journey you are doing it great honey, and your future self wants to congrat you for the work you are currently making. You are becoming wiser and more powerful, you are also releasing generational karma and aligning with your soul purpose, you are making a fantastic work, be proud of yourself.

You might not know clearly where you are leading or what you are doing, you are just letting Universe and your spiritual team guide you with all the faith of your heart and doing what's best for you meanwhile, maybe you are trying to create a career out your spirituality (I encourage you to do so). Don't worry about your path, with your knowledge and the divine guidance you have you'll lead to a beautiful place, just go step by step for the moment. Your future self tells you that luck is on your side, just trust the process and everything will be fine, also there's a message here about a soulmate or even a twin flame, soon you'll be meeting them but be careful because your glow up will attract bees but also flies, be selective with the people you let in.

I see here some kind of codependency or bad habit you are breaking or you are aware that you need to break it at some point, there's something you are attached to and you are trying to undo the knot, just know that your guides are helping you with this and you are not alone, even a little step forward is still an step. Give yourself more credit for what you have overcome and what you are dealing with to get over, your path is unique and this will make you feel more powerful and confdent.

Tarot:

(Cards: Fool rev, 4of pentacles, king of pentacles, judgement, emperor/ star rev, strenght)

You are taking a more logical and structured perspective of your life, trying to focus your energies and intentions torwards a goal and planning an strategy to get it. Your future self wants to tells you that you are doing fine by being more grounded and having a more logical approach to your desires, maybe you've been moving through your gut feeling jumping to the unknown with faith instead of strategy and you've realized you need more organization and planning. You know what you want to manifest in your life but you also know that you need consistency and discipline and that's what you are trying to embody, your future self tells you that you'll be doing great, just be perseverant.

You are going to get the stability you've been looking for but first you have to find a balance between your spiritual and material life, you'll get all the answers you've been needing to keep progressing but don't let everything in hands of divine desings. It's great to be in touch with the spirit but you are still living a human life and you need to take terrenal action too. This is like a test for you too, of how much you can do if you really accept the challenge, adult life and responsabilities can be boring or exhausting but are part of life too, your future self wants you to befriend with your earthly life now that your spiritual life is on point and the communication with your guides is clear, consistency and perseverance will be your major keys.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Virgo, north node, 3rd house/ white heart, pink heart, swallow, diamond)

I see that you are aligned with your soul purpose and everything is moving correctly in your life path, the diamond and north node are signs that you are aligned with Universe. Try to help you by being more organized with an schedule of some kind, help yourself to embrace a more grounded energy in your daily life. Even the little day by day routines can be improved to guide us to better places, like a more healthy diet, waking up earlier, spending less time with the phone, etc. Details make difference. For some of you there's a relocating, maybe you are moving into a new home or neighbor, for others you might have to travel soon. You got both hearts with the charms so a love offer (I hear multiple offers tbh) is going to arrive soon in your life, I see your soulmate/twin flame is on their way but also a lot of amazing friendships will arrive too. The swallow is the omen of the ancestors' precense, they are by ypur side guiding and helping you, if you are into witchcraft they invite you to work with them.

Pile 6:

Oracle:

My sensitive souls pile 🥹 I'm getting something related to self worth issues, I feel a really loving energy from you but it hides sadness or melancholy behind it, like you are always trying your best to make everyone happy and you don't see that good intentions reciprocated. There's a lot of pain related to past relationships/friendships, whatever you have been through has left a mark in you that keeps you looking back thinking about what you could have done differently. You have very nurturing and motherly energy, like you really enjoy helping and taking care of others, you are a benevolent soul who sees no evil in others because you don't have that within you.

Your future self wants to warn you about someone in your life that has not good intentions at heart with you, I see a very weird situation here with a lot of anxiety and mental fog, this might be a romantic interest that is making you feel badly. This may be a pattern, a situation you've lived before but with different people or it's the same person and circumstance over and over again, Idk what it is but surely you do know because there are a lot of cards that says that you have seen and feel something worriying about this specific person but you did't knew clearly what it was. Your future self tells you that this situation has to end for your mental health and wellbeing in general, you have the wisdom to see what this person has to teach you and then let them go, you will end a tough cycle too. If you are not willing, for whatever reason, to take this person out of your life just learn how to set healthy boundaries. For some of you, I see someone very obsessed with you and with a very dark energy around them, they want to consume you somehow, I see this person has nothing to do with you, I don't like to say this kind of things but it gives me the feel that you are completely out of your league. The energy of this person is disgusting, so for the ones who resonate with this, please stay safe and do what you can to keep this person away from you.

Your future self wants you to work on your self worth and self esteem to make you feel safe in your own skin, give yourself more love and compassion, remind yourself that you are loved, guided and protected from highwr realms, though I see you are very conscious about your spirit team and their precense in ypur life. If you were having financial issues your future self wants you to know that it won't last too long, be grateful with what you have meanwhile and trust that abundance is close to you. There's also a message here about stepping out of your comfort zone more often, try new things to do or do something you've been wishing to do for a while and you haven't done yet, unleash your adventurous side a little more often and allow yourself to feel free.

Tarot:

(Cards: 10 of cups rev, page of swords rev, hierophant, queen of wands rev, moon/ knight of swords)

If you resonated with pile 3 I recommend you to read it too. This energy is so confusing I don't know how to channel and simplify it, I recommend you to cleanse your energies regularly. Whatever your situation has been it was really painful, I even feel like a void in my chest and can't barely hold the tears (I'm really sorry you have felt this way 😔), here I feel a heartbreak of some kind. Even though your past pain, your heart is still full of love to share and that's such a lovely and admirable trait, your future self guarantee that in the future you will look back with a completely different pespective and many things you don't understand now will have a reason to be.

You are an honest and genuine soul, you don't hide who you are or bend your values to appear nice in other people's eyes and this autenthicity sometimes end up with being misunderstood and feeling lonely, it's part of the journey and the polarity of life. There's this situation with someone that your future self warns about and it's telling you that this situation is draining your personal power and making your fears bigger than they really are. You really need to break this negative cycle and somehow you are aware that you have to but you are giving more chances for this person to change or you are being naive when it comes to them, don't let anyone use your sensibility as a weakness because it's not.

Your future self wants you to be honest with yourself and make an analysis of what's going on in your life, to check what's out of balance and start working on that, the key word here would be empowerment. It's your time to claim your power and energy back, to say goodbye to the past and close the chapter, the thing about past is that we can turn back time in our heads but nothing can be changed, being held by this is exhausting and worthless if it's not used to analyze the situation to evolve and bloom. You just need to shift your perspective and keep in the present moment, don't go too far on the future but also avoid staying too much in the past.

Astrodices and lucky charms:

(Sagittarius, Venus, 7th house/ swallow, golden leaf, bouquet, ruby, trisquelion)

I see you focusing on the things you enjoy and love doing, maybe even implying adventurous plans in your routine or do something completely new. I see you being brave and opening to new experiences and new people, the golden leaf and the bouquet talks about benevolent energies and abundance. You can also be entering into a new chapter in your love life and not just meet your soul family but your twin flame too, so be open for tue love because is entering your life to stay forever, true connections are very close. The ruby talks again about confidence and power, you' ll be feeling a lot more empowered and confortable taking the reins of your life. Finally, the swallow and trisquelion are signs of a huge spiritual team guarding your back, you are being guided and protected by ancestors and ascended masters, get closer to them because they are leading you to a wonderful place.

[deesseshesca]

PAC: How can you deepen the bond with your partner ?

There must be something cynical about being on your period and wanting a baby ... orrrrr.... nahhhh.... I am a maneater until the day i di-

Good afternoon pretty soul ! I am so excited ... IS OFFICIALLY KINKTOBER ! DAY : 10-11

FOR EXCLUSVE CONTENT THIS WEEK IS ON B.A.B.Y. soul tribe making it all half a price...

Your future lover (LAST DAY 15/10)| SEX Douala =SALE READING

PILE 1

Even though you may feel disconnected from the relationship right now and have contemplated walking away, your partner’s decision to change signals a pivotal moment. Their renewed focus on the relationship is genuine, and this could be the fresh start you both need. However, rebuilding trust and connection won’t happen overnight, especially with the emotional distance that has crept in.

You might feel uncertain, like your instincts are a bit off or you’re struggling to trust their efforts, but try to approach this phase with an open mind. Take things slow, and give yourself permission to feel both doubt and hope at the same time. It's okay to be cautious, but recognize their effort for what it is—a true attempt to make things right.

Communication will be key. Even though there might have been a breakdown in how you both express your emotions, make space for honest conversations. Talk about your fears, disappointments, and what you need moving forward. They seem committed to focusing on the relationship, but they will need guidance to understand how to nurture it in a way that feels meaningful to you. Don't be afraid to express what hasn't worked in the past and what you want to see differently.

Your partner’s willingness to change is a sign of their dedication, but for the relationship to truly move forward, both of you will need to find a balance between emotional vulnerability and action. This is a chance to rebuild from a stronger, more honest foundation, but it will require patience and effort from both sides. Trust the process, even if it feels rocky right now, and allow the transformation to unfold naturally.

*** BONUS ***

This relationship is newly official but you guys have been messing with each other for a hot minute. They finally let go of their ego. Y’all thought they did not want to be with you because of your looks. I feel like it’s a cut in 2. One side is different race, maybe the person is white and you are black living in a more white neighborhood. Others are the size, you are medium size and bigger and that person is conventionally good looking. Others are culture, I’m hearing : Mexican and Arabic. So since both cultures have similarities but when holding differences it is polar opposite. But actually they did not cuff you because of their ego, I don’t really know the root of the problem but it has nothing to do with you (also like mention on other PAC or collective reading, if we do not give me permission, I don’t dig). They took a hit in their life and realized that you were the only real one. I don ‘t think their hit was public since everything look good from the outside but everyone close to them, even their ‘’friends’’ know that they fuck up. Don’t worry they saw the way you transform. The way you are embarrassing everything that people use against you, whether it be your weight, your curly hair and darker skin tone, your tradition… you are loving it all and glowing. But even though they change and hold to all their promises, there’s still a need to address the big elephant in the motherfucking room … Why did it take you so long to grow some balls ? That feeling of uneasiness you feel, chérie d’amour… I feel it 2 ! Like on the card everything is perfect but my intuition is ticking not because they are doing something sneaky behind your back instead is about  their fucking intention. Almost like I'm being played… but I have yet to capture the king (final evidence) to scream CHECKMATE ! So I am waiting and sharing the bonus message that spirit allows me to have. Because babe, if they did not give me the signal to shuffle for more, I would have send you you merry way because they had me fucking convince. Lastly you are personally so close to complete fulfillment don’t let anyone or anything hinder that for you. 

💌 : What's making me tik, is they went from avoiding you to completely being immerse in your energy. Almost like they know you crave touch and is feeding you the only thing that can't make you think deeper into what's really going on. Chile chérie d'amour, if you want to know how to deepen your sexual chemistry, is half the price this time. You can unlock all the extended content.

PILE 2

To deepen your bond with your partner, it's important to be patient and understanding of the emotional battles they are facing. They may feel vulnerable and unsure about sharing their struggles fully, so it's crucial that you create a safe space where they feel comfortable opening up without fear of judgment. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and let them know that you're here to support them, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Your partner is someone who has been through immense pain and may still be carrying that weight, but they are determined to hold on because of their deep care for you. They might resist letting go of past hurt, but your consistent love and gentle reassurance can help them find the strength to move forward. Instead of pushing them to "get better," focus on being a steady source of support, reminding them that their worth goes beyond their struggles.

You both can build a solid foundation together by acknowledging the difficult moments while staying committed to a brighter future. Find small ways to celebrate victories, even if they seem minor, and remind them of the life you are creating together, filled with love, stability, and shared dreams.

Lastly, make sure to take care of yourself too. It's easy to pour all your energy into helping someone you love, but maintaining your own emotional well-being will ensure you both can grow stronger together. Stay hopeful, and keep the vision of a fulfilling future in mind. Your bond can weather this storm as long as you continue to meet them with understanding, compassion, and the strength they need right now.

Extra: I need to write this white on black ... YOU WILL NOT ATTEND THEIR FUNERAL (they use to deal with suicidal thoughts. Mes chéries d'amour when you they say that they ARE better and working hard mentally (because I feel like they already work very hard at school and work ) for y'all future, they are doing it !

💌 : If you want to know how to deepen your sexual chemistry, is half the price this time. You can unlock all the extended content.

PILE 3

To deepen your emotional bond with your partner, it’s essential to continue honoring the healthy boundaries you’ve established while also allowing space for more vulnerability and connection. You’ve done the inner work, understanding that in order to love fully, you need to prioritize your own well-being. Now, it's about balancing this self-care with a deeper level of emotional intimacy.

Your partner may sense that you're more independent and focused on your personal growth, and while this is incredibly healthy, it’s important to make sure they don’t feel shut out. Sharing your thoughts, dreams, and fears—without compromising the time you need for yourself—will help strengthen your bond. Being open about where you are emotionally will encourage them to do the same, building mutual trust.

At times, you might feel the urge to retreat or protect yourself out of habit, but don’t shy away from those moments when connection calls for more openness. You don’t have to carry everything alone anymore; your partner is someone who can walk with you on this journey.

Bringing passion into the relationship through spontaneity and excitement will also create deeper ties. Whether it’s going on a new adventure together or rekindling the playful, passionate side of your connection, these moments will help balance the self-reflection with joy and lightness. Your ability to nurture both the connection you have with yourself and the relationship will strengthen your emotional bond with your partner.

Ultimately, deepening your bond comes from maintaining those boundaries you’ve set, but also learning when to let them soften, allowing your partner to share in your emotional world. This mutual exchange of support and love will bring you both closer, as long as you continue pouring into both cups—yours and theirs.

💌 : If you want to know how to deepen your sexual chemistry, is half the price this time. You can unlock all the extended content.

PILE 4

You’ve finally found the love you deserve after going through so much healing and learning to truly love yourself. Even though this relationship brings you happiness, you might still feel the remnants of your past—old fears or doubts that occasionally surface. Those walls you built to protect yourself are still standing, but now they no longer serve you. It's okay to acknowledge that you've been hurt before, but it's also important to recognize that you're no longer that person who was unsure or hesitant.

Your partner, the one you were once shy about, has helped you step out of your comfort zone and realize that taking that chance was worth it. The joy you feel now is a result of your growth, and while it’s easy to fall back into old patterns of guarding yourself, there’s no need for that in this relationship. You are with someone who appreciates you for who you are, and the bond between you two is strong and fulfilling.

Sometimes, the intensity of this love might scare you, or you might worry about losing it. But instead of letting fear dictate your actions, lean into the trust and happiness you’ve built. Take time to rest, reflect, and remind yourself that you’ve done the work to be here. You’ve moved past those heavy emotional barriers, and now it’s about enjoying the connection without overthinking it.

Allow yourself to continue embracing the love you’ve found, without letting old anxieties take away from the beauty of the present moment. You’ve earned this happiness through your self-love and healing journey, and there’s no reason to hold back now. Trust yourself, trust your partner, and savor the love you’ve created together.

💌 : Babe they are going to put a ring on it !!!!! I feel like is all new. Y'all just started dating but is only the beginning of a lovely love journey !!!! If you want to know how to deepen your sexual chemistry, is half the price this time. You can unlock all the extended content.

[lucygxybaird]

billy x reader - you feel the baby kick

tw: pregnancy, tw: nausea (mention)

Sitting on the front porch, a pile of mending in a basket at your feet, you lean back in the chair and close your eyes, tipping your face up. A soft spring breeze plays with the tendrils of hair falling from your braid, sunshine splashing into your lap, and if you listen hard enough, you can hear Billy singing to himself as he repairs a saddle in the little shack that passes for your stable.

Oh, how I love her, ain’t that a shame…oh, how I love her, good-bye, Liza Jane…

You smile to yourself, absently humming along. More often than not lately, you’ve started dozing off in the afternoons, a habit which you know alarmed Billy at first — though he promised to fuss over you less (and  he’s definitely gotten better), you did overhear him taking the doctor aside after a recent visit, asking if it was normal for you to be so tired.

“Yes, son,” the doctor had assured him. You’d been pretty sure you could hear the smile in his voice. “It’s perfectly normal, and in fact, I’d encourage it. It’s a lot of work, bringing new life into the world.”

Without opening your eyes, you smooth a hand over your belly, your faint smile widening. Loose nightgowns can’t hide your condition anymore, but you don’t mind, because with every change to your body, you know your baby is growing. Not to mention Billy simply can’t keep his hands off you. 

Most often, he’ll start with his hands on your shoulders, coming up behind you and squeezing gently, resting his chin on the crown of your head. Then his hands will slide down your arms, pausing to cup your elbows and pull you flush against him. You’ll relax in his arms, glad to take the weight off the small of your back, and he’ll spread one large, warm palm over the curve of your belly.

“How’re my girls doin’ today?” he’ll ask, which never fails to make you giggle. 

“What if it’s a boy?”

Billy always shakes his head firmly. “Mm-mm, that’s my baby girl in there,” he’ll tell you. “I know it.” 

When the two of you are laying in bed together, Billy will hold you in his arms all night, both hands resting protectively over your stomach. Other times, throughout the day, he’ll pause just to kiss you — your lips, each cheek, your forehead — before putting his palm against your ribs, thumb moving in soothing circles over the fabric of your dress, which is becoming more and more tightly stretched with each passing day. 

“You’re so pretty,” he’ll tell you, smiling in a dreamy sort of way, like he can’t quite believe this life is actually his. Or he’ll ask you how you’re feeling, or he’ll ask you what you did today while he was working, or he’ll tease you with more whimsically intricate Gaelic baby names (Gobnait, Odhairnaith, Dubhghlas, Muircheartach). 

Sometimes, when you find yourself worrying — about the pain to come, about taking care of another little living being, about if you’ll be a good mother, a good wife — you think of that smile.

You have always known that Billy’s story diverges from the man, a tributary branching off from a river; the truth was clear, cold water, sweet and filling, but it seemed most people weren’t interested in that. They were rabidly fascinated by that little stream, by the waters churning with blood, spent shells, dirt and sweat. Tears. You love all of Billy, tributaries and all, but you know that he earnestly wants to follow the river, tracings its path to the future. A future with you, with your baby.

When you see his peaceful smile, his contentment radiating from him like an angel’s halo, you’re reminded of how far he’s come. Of how much he deserves this peace, this life the two of you are making together, and you feel at peace yourself. Whatever comes, physical pain or self-doubt, you know you can take it on, as long as you have him by your side.

Which — 

Your eyes flutter open as his shadow falls across your face, and you smile up at him. “How long have you been standing there?”

Billy grins sheepishly, shrugging. Rather than loom over you, he kneels beside your chair, putting his hand against your stomach. “Not long,” he says, as you cover his hand with your own. You can smell the scent of leather clinging to his skin, mixing with his natural musk, and you’re glad that your stomach has finally settled. A few months ago, even scents like this — scents you loved — would have driven you to a bucket. 

You remember how attentive he had been then — not that he was any less attentive now — even though your illness had embarrassed you. You’d known, logically, that you couldn’t help it, but it had made you cringe, nonetheless. You worried that he would find you disgusting like this, but you should have known better. Billy had never once flinched, instead holding your hair safely back, helping you into bed afterwards, fetching you water to rinse your mouth and crackers to soothe your tender stomach. 

“What are you thinkin’ about?” You feel his fingers grasp your chin, turning your face toward his. You smile and shake your head.

“You.” 

Billy raises an eyebrow, a faint smile coming to his lips. “Good things, I hope.”

“Oh, no,” you say, shaking your head expansively. “Only about how you repulse me, actually.”

“Ah!” He puts his hand over his heart, as though mortally wounded. You bite your lip to keep from giggling. After a moment of consideration, he says: “That makes having my baby a little awkward for ya, huh?”

“A little,” you agree. 

He leans up to kiss you, moving his hand from your stomach to the arm of the chair to brace himself. It’s then, as your own palm settles on the curve of your belly, that you feel it. You gasp against Billy’s lips, and he straightens up at once, his eyes widening.

“What?” he says. “Is somethin’ wrong? Is it the baby?”

You just smile at him, shaking your head. You hold up your free hand, indicating that you need a moment, and Billy sits back on his heels, his forehead still furrowed with concern. “Here,” you breathe, and you take his hand, putting it over the spot where you think you felt something.

“Darlin’, wh—?” His voice falters as he feels the same thing you felt, and his eyes go wide, his face shining like a child on Christmas morning, faced with every gift he could ever want. “Is that…?”

“I think so,” you say, laughing weakly, tears starting in your eyes like a pair of stars winking into life. “I think it is.”

And then it happens again, and you’re certain. 

“Billy, here,” you say, taking his hand and moving it to the new spot. 

It feels like a fish swimming beneath your skin, a fluttering sensation that reminds you of ripples in a pond — and then — 

“Oh!” 

The two of you exclaim at the same time, and under normal circumstances, it would make you laugh. His deeper voice melding with your lighter one is like a kitten and a mountain lion being startled in unison. But all you can think about is the strong, solid jab you both felt — you, against the drum-tight curve of your stomach, and Billy, in his cupped hand, as if he’s catching a firefly. 

“Do it again,” Billy says, wide-eyed, and you almost tell him — gently — that you can’t really control it, when you realize his eyes are trained on your stomach. “Please? Do it again for your papa, please?”

You both sit there for a moment, waiting, and then — 

Another little flutter, like the baby is rolling over inside you, and you guide Billy’s hand over the ballet beneath your skin. There’s another sharp jab to your ribs, right into Billy’s palm. “Oh, my sweet girl,” Billy says softly, and it isn’t until he looks up at you with glittering eyes that you realize he’s talking to you this time. “That’s our baby.”

You lean down, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Ours,” you agree. You love the sound of that word. 

“And she listened to me,” Billy says, offering you a cheeky grin. “You think that makes her papa’s girl already?”

“What are you going to do when this baby is born and it’s a boy?” 

Billy smiles. “Then we’ll name him Patrick William, and we’ll try again.” 

You snort, raising an eyebrow. “And how many babies do you think we’re going to have, Mr. Bonney?”

He leans up to kiss you again, brushing his lips, butterfly light, over the curve of your cheek. “As many as you’re willin’ to give me, honey. An’ you know I’ll love every one, whether it’s just this little one, or…”

He cuts his eyes over at you, raising his eyebrows to give you a cue. You laugh and hold up two fingers. “Or two more,” he finishes, and you giggle.

He sits in the rocking chair next to yours, pulling your feet into his lap. “You know it doesn’t matter to me, boy or girl,” he says. “I just want ’em to be happy and healthy. That’s all.”

You lean your head back as his thumbs dig into the arch of your foot. “I know,”  you murmur.

There’s silence for a moment, and you let yourself drift idly, relaxing at the pleasure of his touch, of his words. 

“I was thinkin’, though…”

You crack an eye open. “Hmm?”

“If we have a little girl…my ma would have liked…I mean, she woulda…she really woulda loved…”

His throat works, and you lean forward, taking your feet — with no small measure of reluctance — out of his lap, taking your hands in his instead. “I know,” you say. “Our firstborn daughter was always gonna be Kathleen Bonney, whether it’s this baby or another one.”

He smiles, his eyes bright again. “Thank you, darlin’.” 

You kiss him gently, before pulling back with a grin. “Much better than Gobnait…”

His head tilts back with the force of his laughter, his broad shoulders shaking. “Aw, come on now, you didn’t really give that one a chance…”

“And I won’t,” you say, shaking your head with a giggle. “No matter how many we have.” 

[iridescent-solstice]

Fic 1/2 made for the amazing @cinsilly for winning this contest I hosted a while back. I hope you like it and also thank you for participating in my silly little shenanigans. If I did my job right, hopefully you’ll join future events too! 🙆🏻‍♀️

The candle by his side burns faithfully as Julian leans over his cluttered desk. Wispy strands of his ginger hair wave back and forth as he grumbles in frustration. With an aching back and cramped wrists, his sleep deprived mind urges him to take a break.

But he won't. Because there is much to be done. Far too much.

He chides himself internally for not working enough. For not being fast enough. Because, despite the countless hours he’s spent here, there are still too many old journals to comb through. Too many documents he’s scribbled and had to scrap or re-read. He's frustrated. Tired. Hungry and extremely worried for all the people out there in worse conditions than he is. The physical states of those already infected aren't getting much better, and the count's temper is only getting worse. "DAMMIT WHY IS NOTHING WORKING!" He curses slamming his fist down on the poor table. It's like he's walking around in endless circles, isn't he? There has to be a cure! He chants in his head. With a library as huge as this, there must be something here about a plague spreading by beetles.

It’s almost beginning to feel like he’s drowning in pile and piles of unending assigned reading. Even with an apprentice, there’s still so much he has to do. If he doesn’t . . . No. Julian shakes the thoughts away. He doesn’t want to think about those consequences. Finding the cure is too vital a task to slack on. And he won't discover it if he spends all his time wondering about what will happen if he doesn't manage to uncover it. He can do it . . . Well, even if he couldn’t, there are too many people's lives at stake to not try his darn hardest. Too people relying on him. The countess. The citizens of Versuvia. The count. But most importantly . . . his apprentice is counting on him too. So, he has to find a cure. No.matter.what.the.cost.

Books, letters, documents and other knick knacks are sprawled all over the cinnamon-coloured table. But the mess inside his head is even worse than the one infront of him. A looming giant window behind him gives a glimpse into the internal state of the city. Cold, dark, deserted and in complete disarray. The normal hustle and bustle is no longer as usual as it once used to be. You’d be lucky if you saw a single person in sight. Not anymore though. They’re all hiding away inside their homes. He has no doubt that you would be too if you gave yourself the luxury too.

But he’s glad you haven’t taken that liberty. That you care enough to stay by his side. To risk your life. He has no idea how he'd do this without you. Throughout all his travels at sea, he's spent a great deal of his time alone. But he doesn't think he could ever go back to that lifestyle anymore. He needs you. 

He needs you to check up on him. To hold his hand and cheerfully tell him everything will be alright again. To not give up. He nee- No he wants you. Wants you to sit suspiciously close by as he navigates the medical forms. While he relays the important findings he just discovered. As he flips through the records. Patient after patient, case after case. It’s almost too much, but he knows he can handle it. With you by his side, he’s sure he can handle anything. Fatigued eyes search all over the table but his thoughts wander to you again. Like they always do when he’s stressed out. Are you hunched over a desk like he is? Huddled up in your shop researching old tomes? He wonders if you think about him too. He wonders if you miss his company as much as he misses yours. He can’t imagine those talking books to be good company. 

[ ᴅɪᴠɪᴅᴇʀꜱ ʙʏ: @/fairytopea]

[planetsxmore]

SHORT MESSAGES FROM YOUR FUTURE LOVER

one two three

four five six

lowkey inspired to make this as i saw a few other blogs - this a short pac that'll consist of complete/incomplete sentences channeled by your future lover/spouse/soulmate- choose your pile carefully! - you can choose more than one pile if you'd like - used intuition and rw tarot deck for this reading - this is a general reading and may or may not resonate for you all - stay positive,and hydrated loves <33

© planetsxmore rights reserved 2022 • masterlist

your likes and reblogs will be appreciated •

ꕤ PILE 1

you're the sunshine to my darkness

are you okay? because i'm not

stop doubting yourself,you're amazing and complete! i love you for how you are -

i can't wait to have you in my arms but i know that's not possible - even after we meet because it'll take us time to realize how much we love each other

the color blue is our color..

it takes time to heal wounds and broken hearts

you're the best thing that ever happened to me

i'm insecure and i'm afraid you'll run away from the scars i have...

let us dance all night,talk all night - love all night...

i love your smile,it's adorable

ꕤ PILE 2

stop it,you're tickling me...

we're literally more than friends,more than best friends even....

it's uncanny the way we both understand each other. words aren't even needed to express what we want to communicate with each other

we're weird,and we know it- and frankly speaking we don't don't care *wink*

our love is more like an understanding - it's pure,less of the lust and more of the emotional love - we laugh with each other,cry with each other and do absolutely everything together - if we haven't met,i know it's unbelievable for you but you'll believe me once we meet, darling.

you hate my pet,why tho?

our dates are the best - they're soo secretive yet soo quirky lol

you hate it when i snort/snore/slurp - but i can't help it love xD

i gave you my everything yet you didn't think of it alot. why does it feel unrequited at times?

our taste is very similar..in almost alot of things

ꕤ PILE 3

i really love the way your body looks or may look,keeps me guessing...

you're a little too sensitive,can you be a little open? i mean c'mon life's about fun - don't waste yourself overthinking most of the time

whenever i listen to love songs,it reminds me of you..

you're jealous of my exes,but what am i suppose to do if i'm soo hot --

i feel as though so much,so much could be better between the two of us. i'm a little impatient in everything and i can't change that,love - i've tried, trust me

idk why you're soo shy,i'm all in for you -

i hope you understand that i'm not the one to believe in "happy ever after-s" - it's life,babe - we gotta understand it's not a storybook

i love it how you listen to me,it makes me feel as you're the one for me for life - but again,i don't believe in story tales - kinda love. i love it fast - and quick -

clinginess is not anything i love neither co dependency

i love it when my gifts make you happy - the twinkle in your eyes are everything!

[ loves,i don't know how you feel about this pile - but for some of you, i feel you're attracting a very toxic lover/fs - if that's the case,and you don't feel good about this pile- please don't worry since this is the future you're attracting at the moment - change your energy and be a little more positive to attract a better future and partner / you don't need to end up with such an individual if you don't want to - however,if you're fine with this,then no prob! ]

ꕤ PILE 4

close your eyes and imagine - i know you'll feel me around you...

i love how we do homely activities together (cooking/cleaning/working etc.)

you and i are equals. - equals for life

we argue like little kids and make out at the very next moment..

you're my jellybean and i'm your savior.

you always end up in trouble and i always end up fixing it all for you,but i'm with you don't worry

i'll find you but you need to be strong till then! don't let your feelings out for just anyone please

you like my car and i like your lips ...*winks*

it's soo funny how you'll hide your feelings for me and it'll be obvious at the same time..i'll do the same thing.. honestly it'll be a circus and we'll be like two clowns until we confess

please bear with me when i close off. i have past baggages that make me feel isolated at times and opening up can be difficult. just stay with me,i promise i'll open up for you,love.

ꕤ PILE 5

you're literally my drug - i don't know if it's toxic or not,but all i know is that i feel strongly for you ... strongly.

you love my hugs,i know you do .

i know i'm usually very busy and taking out time can be difficult - but i'll manage i promise,just don't go away with anyone else.

you're my favorite - my utmost favorite

maybe sometimes you'll feel as though i'm selfish - wanting all of your body,time and love for myself while i give you less -- but what can i do,love? it's just the way i am. i crave you... can't see you with anyone,even your work bothers me at times when you ignore me because if it - i'm sorry,i'll try to work in these habits...but habits are difficult to change y'know?

i'm possessive,yes i am. i don't want any third party between us - any !

you love our long drives and dinner dates , and i love them with you too !

i love you. i love you right? it's not infatuation,it's not obsession !

i love it when you smile for me, because of me - i love to be your source of happiness!

just be mine, please. when you crush on anyone apart from me,i feel -- i just don't feel good,even if it's a celeb.

[ loves,i don't know how you feel about this pile - but for some of you, i feel you're attracting a very possessive lover/fs - if that's the case,and you don't feel good about this pile- please don't worry since this is the future you're attracting at the moment - change your energy and be a little more positive to attract a better future and partner / you don't need to end up with such an individual if you don't want to - however,if you're fine with the possessiveness,then no prob! ]

ꕤ PILE 6

we're soulmates,yes we are.

do you know how much i had to think over before approaching you? why are you always soo - soo intimidating y'know lol

we're opposite poles of magnets. two parts of a heart - we fit perfectly.

listening to music together soothes me..

i can be a little workaholic but trust me sweetheart, whenever i get time - i rush to you,for you. i just want to build the most stable future for us. I see you in my future..

i'm a little inexperienced in relationships - they never excited me until you came in the picture..

i do whatever i can for you, but if something still bothers you - please,tell me. i don't mind you telling me what i can do better.

love me forever.

i'm all yours,love. the good and the bad. just like the raw ..

i'm scared that our families won't accept us but, no matter what,i'm with you. we'll work through this - you just work on yourself right now, don't stress out. we'll be with each other,as soon as the universe thinks it's time

[astrojulia]

PAC - Qualities and Traits in your Future Spouse

~ 5 things you like about them vs 5 things they like about you (lightly +18)

PILE 1 - PILE 2 - PILE 3

PILE A - PILE B - PILE C

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DISCLAIMER. These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purposes. I tried my best to leave it gender neutral, but one word or another might have escaped (Portuguese is a language where all words have gender).

How to pick a pile

When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise! .

Pile 1

You love their voice and the way they talk, and it's not something that only you appreciate. But even so, you see your future spouse's voice as a melody, comforting and even exciting. I also don't just see the question of the voice itself, but the way they speak, with rhythm, without any problems pronouncing the words or doubt in their voice.

You appreciate their skills and how they handle situations smoothly. I also see different paths here, how this person manages to take care of themselves alone, clean the house, cook the food. They are truly independent. (The other way is that you appreciate their dick, it makes you feel like never before).

You like how they communicate in general. They are smart and authentic but know how to blend in with the crowd. They know how to listen to others to better adapt to the situation. They are the type of person who will communicate differently with each individual, not out of falsehood but because they understand that each person has different needs. They will convey the same information differently to a doctor and to a child, adapting their words accordingly.

You love their overall intelligence; it seems like they always know what they should do, the next step. They are someone who wants to help others with their intelligence and is always seeking self-improvement. They are also curious and always bring new information into the relationship.

You appreciate how they manage to be rational in practically every situation. They always think before acting, analyze situations before they happen. They strive to be prepared for everything and seek security in every step of life.

Astrological Placements your Future Spouse may have:

Mercury Dominant; Venus in Taurus or Libra in the 2nd house; Mercury in the 3rd house; air dominant; Mercury in Libra, Gemini, or Aquarius; a touch of Cancer, Pisces, or Scorpio in the birth chart (perhaps only one placement).

Pile 2

You like how your future spouse (FS) is an active person, always on the move, looking to improve their career, personal life, and also taking care of their body. They can be a tall, slender individual with distinct features. They are also someone with a sense of style and who values their behavior in the world, which is why they prioritize exercise and physical activity. They are the type of person who likes to wear accessories such as gloves, bracelets, and earrings.

You appreciate that they are a person you can look up to, someone you feel proud of and see as a reference for "what would FS do in my place." You like how they are patient with others, a bit playful, but also know when to stop. It seems like they have the wisdom to bring joy to tense moments and their ability to handle all situations is what attracts you.

You admire their resilience and determination. Nothing can stop them, not even the challenges of life. They carry themselves with pride and are unafraid to express their opinions and how the world perceives them, because they know they will make things work out one way or another.

You appreciate how they can handle everything on their own, sometimes behind the scenes. If we take an intimate perspective, you both know how to handle things discreetly. But even though they are confident and unafraid to be themselves, your FS is wise and understands that you can't always confront everything head-on. Sometimes you have to navigate through the edges and take longer paths to achieve your goals. They prefer to accomplish things discreetly.

You like that your FS is often right (though it can be challenging during discussions), which is beneficial for decision-making in your lives. Even if they are not a spiritually inclined person, they have a connection with something non-physical in this world that guides their decision-making. So, even if a decision may not feel right in the moment, you realize in the future that their choices were the best ones.

Astrological Placements your Future Spouse may have:

Aquarius/Gemini/Libra placements; Fire Dominant; Mars dominant; Well-aspected Mercury; Leo dominant; Scorpio Placements; dominant Uranus.

Pile 3

You appreciate how they move on as if nothing had happened. If you make a mistake, they solve it and forget about it, without judgment or dwelling on the past. Your future spouse (FS) is also someone who enjoys horror and suspense movies, which is a recurring hobby for them.

You like that you feel comfortable around them, experiencing a sense of nostalgia for a moment that never actually existed. It's as if you've been separated before and now you're together again. This connection can be both physical and spiritual. Your FS brings magical and special moments into both of your lives.

You admire that they are a person who never loses hope. They always believe in love, even until the last moment. Even if everything comes to an end, they will continue to love and protect. They are patient and will wait for you to be ready to make decisions. They hold onto the hope that everything will work out in the end.

You appreciate that they are a fun and warm person. They shine in small social circles and are always loving and attentive. Your FS values small events and moments greatly. They enjoy going out to carnivals or other places where you can have fun. They are full of ideas for new places to explore and experience.

You like how they create a cozy atmosphere and make you feel safe. If you're someone who enjoys sleeping a lot or simply sees it as a hobby, you will feel comfortable sleeping next to your FS. Being close to them brings a sense of peace and security.

Astrological Placements your Future Spouse may have:

Cancer/Capricorn or Taurus Rising; Libra/Gemini placements; a touch of Leo and Pisces in the birth chart (perhaps only one placement).

Pile A

Your future spouse (FS) appreciates how open you are and your willingness to embrace change even in the face of fear. You have an openness not just to the world but also to your own needs. There's a sense of knowing that what you deserve is more and better than what you currently have.

Your FS admires your protective nature and how you always look out for yourself and others. You often place yourself on the front lines when confronting various challenges, often keeping your experiences to yourself in order to prevent hurting others.

Your FS values the fact that you are someone who seeks to resolve problems through communication. You strive to approach others and engage in conversation before acting without careful thought. Your natural inclination towards rationality allows you to navigate and resolve situations without unnecessary drama.

Your FS appreciates your ability to keep secrets. They trust that anything they confide in you will remain confidential, making you an extremely reliable person.

Your FS admires your ability to always find a way. You navigate paths with confidence, even if it means breaking down barriers to progress. Additionally, you have a keen sense of direction and excel at using maps and location.

Astrological Placements you may have:

Cancer/Pisces/Scorpio placements; Dominant Libra; Taurus/Capricorn/Virgo placements; More planets in the 4th/7th/8th and 12th house.

Pile B

Your future spouse (FS) appreciates your adventurous nature and how you enjoy getting out of the house to experience new things. While you find comfort at home, you also have a desire to explore and bring back new experiences to your safe haven.

Your FS admires your appearance of being a more traditional person, someone who dresses and behaves in a formal manner. They also appreciate your rationality and ability to express your emotions in different ways, showcasing your emotional intelligence. If you have a fair skin tone, they find it particularly beautiful.

Your FS is drawn to the mystery that surrounds you. There is always something new to discover about you, something you keep hidden from others, and they are intrigued to unravel your secrets.

Your FS values your wisdom and the way you have transformed your pain into knowledge. They admire your belief that everything has its own time and that timing is important. You are likely older than your FS, and they seek your advice and guidance.

Your FS admires your ambitious mindset. You think big, dream big, and refuse to diminish yourself for anyone. You are unafraid to assert yourself and communicate your needs.

Astrological Placements you may have:

Cancer/Scorpio/Pisces placements; Virgo/Taurus/Capricorn placements; Scorpio Dominant; Saturn Dominant; Pluto Dominant; a touch of Gemini/Aquarius/Libra (only one or two placements); Planets in the 8th/12th house.

Pile C

Your future spouse (FS) appreciates your organizational skills and how you are always planning things and maintaining cleanliness. You take pride in feeling physically and spiritually clean, and you make an effort to create a fragrant environment, whether it's at home or at work.

Your FS likes that you are someone who goes through phases and embraces change. You don't follow a rigid routine but instead allow life to unfold naturally. You adapt and know what needs to be done when situations arise because, as mentioned earlier, you are a planner. However, you don't plan every detail of big things. You are also someone who easily changes preferences, be it in hairstyles, clothing, books, or music.

Your FS is drawn to your dreamy nature, which also carries a hint of mysticism. You frequently engage in mystical practices such as tarot, astrology, or reiki. Your FS not only accepts but also appreciates this aspect of you. They see you as someone who has insights into the future, bringing comfort and reassurance.

Your FS likes how well you can blend in. You effortlessly adapt and integrate into various environments, to the point that you might almost go unnoticed. You are not noisy or attention-seeking; instead, you are composed and can easily fit into any space without causing disruptions.

Your FS admires your dedication to studying and your love for reading. They appreciate that you enjoy learning and also have a creative side, possibly in writing or drawing. Even if you don't pursue those activities professionally, your passion for them shines through.

Astrological Placements you may have:

Gemini placements; Uranus dominant or well-aspected Uranus; Neptune dominant or well-aspected Neptune; Virgo placements.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[matchagyudon]

Pomp and Gallantry - Jakurai Jinguji English Lyrics Translation

Now, do you understand what karma is? The glory and errors of my past days have been piling up Was I trapped because I wanted to be at ease?

Remorse, my guilty conscience, and self-sacrifice This is the conclusion to taking the easy way out The challenges that have been lying about are still untouched

In this Labryinth Wall Time or patience, are they no longer necessary? Is it easy to break free from here? Are you saying that life itself has no pain?

Is our answer, even now, that suffering in agony is inevitable? Is it said that we humans have ended conflict? So then, what in the world have we learned from history?

Life is a game, this embellishment is a joke Just when you think that you can’t take it anymore, The true scenario of your fate can be rewritten Strike out your languidness, and remove the overbearing shackles With my mic and charts, all that’s left is the love in my heart It’s not that those who believe are saved, But rather whether you can keep believing until you are saved

Inside of strength is tenderness, and within tenderness you can find strength The taste of defeat, like biting on sand, is now the spice of life

With these hands, certainly, with these hands I will wake them up This country’s heart is coming to an end And the only power that can revive it Would be love That is the only way we can wake them up With pomp and circumstance, today, we will be gallant too

The commotion of Shinjuku, noises mingling together Dissonance reverberating within the spiral of reincarnation This city is still in deep turmoil Whispering sweet temptations, fleeting pleasures

Like a weed hidden in a back alley, this flower is nameless, yet noble It sways gently in the breeze today, once more There is no other flower as strong as concrete

It was sudden, my heart became soaked The shock hit me like lightning “Obligation and self-awareness”, I was prepared for those two words From tragedy to comedy, the reasoning is reversed

To live, in itself, is love Life isn’t about winning or losing It’s about everything Now is the time to accept one another’s differences Why don’t we accept each other? Or to love each other?

Let’s return, once more, to the beginning Be rid of any doubt’s on the meaning of Life Life and soul, the contrast of finite and infinite The land that rises with its bestowed role

The voices that cry out as we plunged into the battlefield Even if my throat were to be slit, I will keep shouting For the happiness of myself and others, my altruistic heart keeps going on The timbre of world peace now sounds nostalgic Let it ring out

From this one microphone, this song will connect once again I am not offering words such as ostentation, vanity, or greed But my very life in itself, I am selling piece by piece Relish yourself to your heart’s content on my flesh and body

The contradictions and absurdity of our murky, chaotic society Drink it all in one gulp This is the essence of the power of words, true vitality, meaning and significance of life, To be inherited with abundance and triumph

There’s no need to be frightened or worry anymore If you have already put together that death is certain That even then you cannot escape the 7 Deadly Sins Calmly hold it close, just as you are, all your worries The future is waiting for us to complete our unfinished work Lying in wait, clearing their throats Eagerly waiting for as long as it takes

We will set a firm foundation for the new century to come When that time comes, we shall make a sound that will shake the heavens and the earth The land will split and crawling out of it will be song and dance The voice that we shouted at the moon, and felt as if it were in vain Will reach the moon in 32 days Devote yourself to the one before your eyes From the bottom of one’s heart to another, the seed of peace Together, slowly, one step at a time, we will move forward

We are all God’s creatures!

From now on, let us all entrust our lives to another, together!

[tervaneula]

Hi! I'm Terv, welcome to my blog!

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Latest NQK update

Chapter 15: Bonds

A list of my ROTTMNT related fics under the cut. Most of them are illustrated! 💜

General [9/?]

help me believe (that i'm your brother) (G)

The road to recovery has been long but finally, the brothers are well enough to introduce Future Boy to one of the most comforting of habits - the turtle pile. Unfortunately, Casey has some doubts about his place in their family.

please don't be a hero (again) (G) (part 1 of a series)

Donatello needs his coffee. Leonardo finds him first.

lean on me (i'm strong enough) (G) (part 2 of a series)

Leonardo needs to get better, be better. If not for himself, then for Michelangelo - his baby brother shouldn't worry about him as much as he does.

you make me proud, little brother (G) (part 3 of a series)

Raphael worries and Leo's quip goes wrong. However, it leads to an emotional turnaround neither of them saw coming.

a lesson in trust (G)

Leo feels guilty for getting Raph caught by the Krang and refuses to let go of that burden. His big brother isn't having it anymore.

not quite kintsugi, but close (G) (ongoing)

The plan is simple. If all else fails, Michelangelo will make a time gateway for Casey to undo what Leonardo, in his youthful arrogance, started all those years ago; it will require sacrifice, but they are ready for it. Until the moment comes, of course. Or, in other words - what if Future Leonardo and Michelangelo both end up in the present with Casey? Kintsugi (金継ぎ, "golden joinery") is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. (Wikipedia)

repeat until death (T) (Major Character Death)

A companion piece to Chapter 7 of not quite kintsugi, but close. Leonardo doesn't want to let go. In the end, as long as Donatello is concerned, he never did.

Cold Feet (G)

Leonardo is enjoying his lazy morning… until a certain human teenager disrupts his peace.

some boys do lay eggs (T)

Leonardo is just about to fall asleep when the weight of a body thuds against the side of his bed, startling him awake, but not awake enough to shake him out of the heaviness of near slumber. “Whassit,” he mumbles, sticking his hand out from his blankets and feeling about until his fingers touch the edge of a hard shell. Ah, he recognises the shape – it’s Leo. “...are we boys?” 

sleepless (G)

Leo is so, so tired and goes to his dad. Splinter thinks up a plan to put into motion in the morning - but it seems that he's already helping.

Leoichi (Rise x Usagi Chronicles) [9/?]

with friends like these (G) (part 2 of a series)

Meeting up with his old friends and introducing his new boyfriend to them certainly hadn't been in Yuichi's plans for the day - but it turns out to have been a welcome surprise later when it helps him realise something important about his own feelings.

make your home in me (E) (part 4 of a series)

Click the link to read the summary!

world's end boyfriend (T) (AU)

Leonardo lost Yuichi to the apocalypse almost exactly five years ago. It's now been a year since he, Michelangelo and Casey made their impossible portal trip to the present day, successfully preventing the Krang invasion this time - so imagine Leonardo's surprise when his little brother tells him that they're going to rescue his mate. They only have one chance.

and just like that (T) (ongoing) (part 1 of a series)

What was supposed to be a simple shopping trip to the Hidden City turns into an embodiment of a romcom when Leonardo runs into an unfamiliar white rabbit. Or more accurately, the rabbit's dining table.

soft bunny, warm bunny, little ball of— uh oh (G) (part 3 of a series)

Leonardo feels so lucky. He has the world's softest boyfriend who doesn't mind being treated like a giant teddy bear! Too bad it made him forget something very important.

breathe (and let go) (M) (part 5 of a series)

Leonardo needs a break from his… everything, and Yuichi is always more than happy to indulge him.

cracks never healed (they can heal now) (T)

Their plans for a nice date go awry when Leonardo and Yuichi run into a giant rampaging robot. It's swiftly dealt with, but not without a price.

well worth the wait (G)

Hana has been worried about her adoptive father's new relationship. Yuichi puts those worries to rest.

taking it slow (G)

Leonardo keeps holding himself to the impossible standards of a long-lost future and it doesn't take a genius to see that it does him no favours. Yuichi takes it upon himself to teach his boyfriend that some days should be spent in bed.

And that's it! For now. <3

[iknowimdespicableme]

My top 5 Doctor Who Episodes; And why!

DOCTOR WHO SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!! I say the season and episode before I start analyzing, so feel free to skip some.

5. Vincent and the Doctor [5x10]

This episode was so touching to me on many different levels. Firstly, as a creative person who deals with mental health and ostracization, seeing a version of Vincent Van Gogh on screen felt almost healing. Acknowledging the hurt he experienced while not ignoring his joys was very special. On a technical level, the way that the episode visualized a way Vincent Van Gogh may have seen the world was incredibly eye opening and better allowed me to appreciate his art. Furthermore, the confusion Amy experienced during the episode regarding her memory was such an experience for two reasons; Firstly, it proved to us, the audience, how much she has grown to love Rory. Before, she was dating him because he was the only half-decent guy around. But, after learning more about him and spending more time with him, she is truly in love with him and this episode gives proof of that. Secondly, I experience dissociative fugue, wherein I may forget large aspects of my life, and this episode was so comforting regarding that experience. Yes, sometimes there are things you can't remember that make you happy or sad. You should embrace the feelings rather than ignore them or feel scared. And, finally, the moment where Vincent Van Gogh is able to see what the future of his art holds is a touching moment; and I like that it didn't save him in the end. Like the Doctor said, “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things or make them unimportant.”

4. The Husbands of River Song [2015 Christmas Special]

I looked forward to finally watching this episode for so long leading up to it because I had heard such flattering things about it; and it didn't disappoint. After many episodes that felt lacking or one dimensional, this special brought back an element of camp, humor, and fun that had been missing, all the while including beloved characters and dramatic sequences. Allowing the Doctor an opportunity to see how one of his companions, especially River, acts when he is not around gives the audience so much more insight into her character and the Doctor a chance to learn and grow. Asking her about himself and learning that, although she may be worried or grieving, she finds these feelings worth it just to keep loving him. Considering how much River puts a mask on around 11 to not show her age and sadden him, it was refreshing to see a new side of her. Not to mention, the storyline for the special was interesting and compelling without being overwhelming in a way that took away from the characters. Although it's unlikely that the Doctor doubted River's feelings for him, this episode gave ultimate proof regarding how much she cares about him. Unfortunately, it also showcases how little River thinks of herself in relation to the Doctor. And, yet, there 12 is to prove her wrong when it mattered. Best of both worlds! Finally, the tenderness mixed with grief and understanding that we end the special with is such a perfect conclusion to River's story with the Doctor as it reflects their whole saga together perfectly. River's argument to the Doctor that, "Happily ever after doesn't mean forever, it just means time." was so special and the Doctor finally allowing himself to settle down (if only for a little bit) was exactly the kind of growth the character needed.

3. Wild Blue Yonder [2nd 2023 David Tennent Special]

I watched this episode yesterday and by gods it quickly skyrocketed to one of my favorites, where do I even start. Within the first few minutes of the episode, we are given many similarities and differences when comparing this Doctor and Donna adventure to their previous excursions. While they still compliment each other well, offering understanding and push-back, it is also clear the ways they have matured. Donna seems more in touch with her emotions and how she is truly feeling. When we first met her, she had a lot of anger and frustration within her from constantly being scrutinized and ignored. Now, we can see she is more peaceful and secure, even if below the surface some hesitation still lingers. Whereas, in the Doctor's case, he is so much more open to affection and vulnerability. The lessons he learned as 11 and 13 showed him that he could trust others, even if it is slowly. Although he is still trying to ignore or repress many things that have happened to him, he is at peace with them more than he was as 10. They both are less rageful. So, from a literary standpoint, just the beginning of this episode was wonderful. The classic "TARDIS fucks off somewhere leaving the company stranded" and "Doctor loses his sonic screwdriver and doesn't know what to do with himself for a bit" tropes came back swinging, and the way it affected the duo was wonderful to watch. The reality of the situation wasn't quickly swept under the rug or ignored because of a bigger problem, they got to sit in their fear for a while which was beautiful. The slow realization throughout the episode as if the audience is figuring out the answer at the same time as the Doctor just felt satisfying. Small, seemingly disconnected things coming together to form a compelling mystery. And, because it takes so long to give us the answer, we feel the carnal fear of the unknown just like the Doctor and Donna. I was tense when I realized they weren't talking to each other, but copies. I was scared when they were separated. And, the best part of the whole fucking episode, I didn't know who was who. That was terrifying! Up until the last second, I thought the Doctor had made the right choice, too! It kept me on the edge of my seat, informed me so much about the characters, explored a terrifying "what if" in a way only sci-fi can replicate, and was silly as hell. Loved every second. Also, the little robot guy was cute as hell.

2. Heaven Sent [9x11]

Explodes everywhere I love 12. This Doctor is characterized as a less nice, but still very kind regeneration. He holds so many conflicting feelings regarding the loss of the Ponds, his changing relationship with Clara, his perception of himself. I loved how he acted in his episodes. as socially confused, because it felt very familiar to me. The way his brain always seemed too loud and his loner energy was such a switch-up compared to 11. and yet so in character all the same. This episode carried this perfect essence of Doctor Who that felt lost in the majority of the last couple seasons. An entire episode where the Doctor is alone, and grieving, and loving, and problem-solving all at the same time was so compelling. Although it is clear I am more of a fan of episodes that focus on the characters and not the current storyline, this story was enthralling even if it took away from character moments sometimes. Do I wish we had more chances at the beginning/middle of the episode to properly address or reminisce about Clara? Yes. But, after watching the whole episode, it is clear why it was done. The setting for Heaven Sent was so intriguing, and the whole episode we are just wondering as much as the Doctor is; Why? Why is he being chased, why was he brought here, why are there shovels? It reeled us in. And then, once we realize the torture he is putting himself through, the dramatics, character information, and emotion we are given is so heart-wrenching. Evidently, Clara gave the Doctor a comfort greater and worth more than 5 billion years of torture. Could you imagine that? The depth of his love for Clara is given so much of a spotlight in this episode, and I am frothing at the mouth for it. Especially considering how they may frustrate or hurt each other, they still know each other. They help each other. And goddammit, he is not going to let her go. But, this stubbornness isn't necessarily a good thing. One important thing about loving someone is knowing when to let them go. This love for Clara was selfish the same way her love was for him in these intense moments where they sacrifice themselves for each other. They were doing it to prove something to themselves, to get the other back because they couldn't accept they were gone, not because it would be a better existence for the one in danger. Clara didn't want to be saved, she was being brave. And this imperfect grief the Doctor experiences was so achingly realistic. When I lost my cousin, it was so hard to accept. I wanted to ignore it, I wanted to be angry, I wanted him back. But, in the end, it was his time. This journey the Doctor goes on regarding yet another loss felt so powerful. He was forced to feel this and it hurt, he couldn't just try and quickly forget about it or sulk on his own terms. At the same time, the revelations he comes to throughout the episode were so reassuring to hear someone outside of my own head say. "It’s funny. The day you lose someone isn’t the worst. At least you’ve got something to do. It’s all the days they stay dead."

Turn Left [4x11]

This comes as a surprise to no one as someone who has been PREACHING character > story. This episode, while being a perfect set up for the finale, tells us so fucking much about the Doctor and, more importantly, ABOUT DONNA! Without Donna, there's no Doctor. Without the Doctor, everything goes to shit! Seeing as we, the audience, are usually seeing the universe by following the Doctor, a companion-focused episode was so refreshing. We got to learn so much about who Donna is, what her life back home was like before we met her, and gave realistic consequences to her actions. FUCK YEAH! It felt grounded, it felt interesting. I also adore the theory that every action we take splits us off into a new universe or timeline, so this episode was so perfect for me. DONNA'S INTERACTIONS WITH ROSE!!! Their comradery and understanding, the way Rose takes Donna under her wing, a moment where we see them as real people without the Doctor intervening or affecting the discussion. The importance of Donna to the universe being made so clear. WILF'S FLASHBACKS!! It's been forever since I saw this episode, but it is so rewatchable and makes me so interested every. single. time. The end of the episode is bone-chilling, with her literally killing herself to save the universe. And then!! The Doctor being out of the loop for once and understanding the severity of the situation with the return of the Bad Wolf. Explodes everywhere, words do not do justice the pure love, respect, and admiration I have for this episode and every actor, producer, tech person, writer, involved. Thank you GODS for this episode, I love you turn left. This lesson that every single person is indispensable and important sets up that conversation in later seasons and eventually becomes the main reoccurring theme of the show. Every Donna Noble, Rose Tyler, and Martha Jones of the universe is important and loved and unique and dbiubibjbjbgiufgbfgu you get me?

Honorable mentions:

The Parting of Ways [1x13]

The first finale of new who, and it was so gooooood!! Tied up the Bad Wolf hints, gave interesting endings to the TARDIS crew, told us so much about the ninth doctor, gave us confirmed ninerose, had a compelling storyline behind it, and just a classic good episode to go back to.

Tooth and Claw [2x2]

I know I've been mostly talking about the character implications of my favorite episodes, but this one was just interesting and fun. I loved the dynamic between the Doctor and Rose, the adventure, the silliness, the royal family being involved. Just a good, well-paced, wonderful episode.

The God Complex [6x11]

This episode was so yummy. While I was watching 11's seasons, I did get the vibe that Amy looked up and admired the Doctor in an unhealthy way and I loved how this episode addressed this. The idea that this thing was taking the forms of people's worst fears, the mystery of what the Doctor saw, the interesting characters, the understanding on what a God Complex actually was, its wonderful!!

The Timeless Children [12x10]

This may be controversial and I don't care!! I loved the way this episode was structured. I was confused and interested the whole time and when it fell into place I actually had to pause and pace around because OH MY GODS!!! it was a well-done reveal that had such interesting implications and I believe every reaction was in character and made sense. At first, I was upset about the loss of the former perception of the Doctor; Just a regular ol' guy who decided to act out and, above all, be kind. Suddenly, she was from another universe and was the original timelord and i was a little sad. But, the way it has been handled after feels so fitting, and it puts the rest of the show into perspective. All of the confusing things that set the Doctor apart from the others, it made sense now! I loved this episode, I thought it was a great.

The Village of the Angels [13x4]

I LOVED THE FLUX!! getting to have a old-school style season wherein the who season was just one problem was so cool and allowed for so much information! This episode specifically was so compelling. I loved the Professor Jericho; was SUCH a great addition to the TARDIS crew, and the way the handled the angels was arguably better than Time of Angels + Flesh and Stone. They were terrifying, the mystery was intriguing, and the characters were interesting!!! The only difficult part of this episode was keeping track of who was who as someone who has difficulty recognizing faces. Besides that, I fucking loved The Village of the Angels.

[xxaraaq]

𝟭𝟵𝟴𝟮

masterlist

wc | 3.2k

cw | angst, traumatic upbringing, unprotected sex, long distance relationship for a little while ig

Reiner x black! reader

A/N | This is prob my longest fic so far but I really enjoyed writing this and I cried a lot. I hope y'all enjoy. Not edited btw so don't mind any mistakes.

The first time you told him that you wanted to move away when the time came to decide what you wanted to do with your life, he didn’t think much about it. Your opinions regarding your future fluctuated constantly, from what you wanted to have as a snack to what you wanted to be when you grew up. You could never decide on one thing for long. You were only nine at the time, and you left it at that. He was still glad that you dropped it nonetheless, for it would hurt him beyond measure to watch you leave. The two of you went to the creek to play with the other kids after that, and his thoughts were occupied on other things such as getting back at a boy called Clarence for pushing you onto a pile of rocks after you told him to leave you alone. Reiner’s always been like that, walking the extra mile for you whenever you needed it, even if you didn’t ask. He was the type to stand behind you when you were deep in a conversation with someone else, quietly hanging onto every word as you went on without a care in the world. It was simple, and he liked it like that. 

The second time he remembers you bringing it up, it was around freshman year of highschool. Things had started getting stressful at home, with your father having gotten caught in an affair and your mother turning to wine to cope. Those days were mainly spent at his fathers farm, helping him with his chores and anything that needed tending too. He always noticed how you would come to him with dry tears staining your face, but he never said anything about it. He was just happy that you were coming to him when things got hard, and you were happy that he was there through it all. Your bouts of sadness would never last long with him though, he would always be able to cheer you up no matter what went on in your home. You would come over so often that his mom would make you a plate once it was time for dinner. It was a normal day, you were helping Reiner with carrying hay bales for his horses, when it came out.

“I think I wanna move to a big city, like New York and LA once I graduate.” You say, mind fixated on not getting bit by Daisy, the feistiest horse you think you’ve ever met. He stops in his tracks, looking at you with a shocked face. “Why would you wanna do that?” He asks, concern lacing his tone. “I don’t know. I think I’m just tired of all the bullshit that comes with this sucky ass town. I wanna be able to live my life without anyone trying to strike down my dreams just cus’ they think it’s not the way I should be living.” You shrug, petting her as she chews on the straws of hay. He doesn’t really know what to think, but it makes him nervous. He knows that you have a multitude of reasons for wanting to get out, but he doesn’t want to see you go, especially not without him. It scared him, but he wasn’t going to let his fear outway his advice for you.

“Well I think you should do whatever makes you the happiest, I would hate to see you stay here in plain old misery just because you chose the thing that would make other people happy.” You smile at him, knowing that he talks purely out of his heart, and not just saying what you want to hear. His wholeness is your favorite quality about him. He’s never been one to shy away from the truth, and he always has your best interest in mind, even if it wasn't the best for him. “Awww, really?” You coo, walking up to him. “Yeah, why not? Why should you stay here if you don’t want to? Because of what other people might say? Screw that, it’s your life, and you shouldn’t be living it for others who don’t actually give a damn about you.” 

Without a doubt, those conversations were your favorites. You could be open and vulnerable with worrying about being judged or brushed off. It was talks of real life that constantly reminded you that Reiner was truly a good friend, a good person. He would actually listen instead of simply hearing to respond. It made you feel heard, made you feel like you weren’t out of your mind. It was the same for him as well. Whenever he talked about the pressures that his father put on him about being a leader, being responsible, and putting family above everything; he knew that all it took was a knock on your door and you would be there for him, comforting him with honest words and a tight embrace if need be. It was the perfect relationship, easy and smooth.

Until he started to fall in love.

He knew when he started to look at you in a different way, he wasn’t oblivious. He grew, so did you. The person you were sprouting into amazed him. You were kind, but not a pushover. Firm, but not some – well, most of the time. He was mesmerized by all parts of you, good and bad. You couldn’t lie when you thought he turned out just as fine, if not finer than all the other boys you grew up with. He was a solid six one, with years of hard labor showing on his body. He was still a gentleman, which is what you think is what you loved most about him. He was the sweetest boy you’ve ever known, and it wasn’t just for show. He was everything if not one for chivalry, always opening doors and being polite, slinging out “Yes ma’am” and “No sir”, just like he was taught. He was what every mother wanted their daughter to bring home, but he only had eyes for you. People could see it too, that’s why no one tried to steer his attention from you. He was the first and last person you saw every night, and were both fine with that. You would take long drives in his truck in the early mornings of the weekend, and spend time together in his cargo bed on late Sunday. It was peaceful, just you and him. He knew that you were starting to catch on, but he wanted to enjoy it, because talks of favorite tv characters turned into what colleges were being applied to. The unburdened era of childhood was slowly coming to an end, and it was frightening.

Frightening because you would have obligations to take care of, frightening because he knew that his endless conversations were manifesting.

Frightening because he knew his time with you was coming to an end.

Your mothers addiction had gotten much worse over the course of time, leaving you to have to deal with her hysteria. Reiner lost track of the amount of times you had called him on the landline, practically begging him to come pick you up, to save you from the cloud that has consumed your mother, from the feelings that brew inside you. You had grown sick of the stuffy place you call your hometown, and he had caught on quick – he always does.

The last time you talked about it was the summer after graduating. Your dynamic had changed, longing gazes had been throwing and touches had been shared. It was getting more romantic, more intimate. Reiner’s father decided that he should go stay at his grandmother's lake house for the summer, and that he should bring you. You knew you could go without having to ask, so off the two of you went. The ride was easy, songs being sung along to and many stops being made for pictures and pee breaks. The house was beautiful, with the frontside facing the beach. You settled in quickly, buzzing with excitement as you ran to the clear blue water. Many days were spent like this, the pair of you swimming and laughing and kissing in solidarity. It was what he dreamed of, being alone with you to just soak in your presence, nobody calling his name and nothing to worry about. It was bliss, until it wasn’t.

Summer was coming to a close, with only two weeks until fall semester began. He drove you two home, the air different from usual. He knew the privacy you had with him was going to change the nature of your relationship, but it still bothered him inside. During it all, he noticed that you would be awake in the early morning, asking your mother about a letter. He knew you wouldn’t talk to the woman unless it was of absolute importance, you despised her after all. You seemed more nervous the closer you got, but he tried not to think too much of it, summing it up to having jitters on going to college. 

It wasn’t until you called him a couple days later with dread in your voice that he knew what the phone calls were about.

“I got in.”

Words so simple, but so sad. Usually one would be happy that they got into college, but you weren’t. It hit him like a ton of bricks, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Was he supposed to be happy for you? Was he supposed to cry with you? Was he supposed to be strong for you? Yes, that’s exactly what he needs to be, what he's always been for you; for everyone.

“I’ll be over in a couple, just wait for me, okay?” His voice has always calmed you, but not this time. With a simple okay, you hung up the phone. He speeds through stop signs, breaking the speed limit by around twenty miles just to get to you faster. He jumped out the car, jogging down your driveway as you jump into his arms. He’s warm and smells nice, the scent of his cologne and freshly wet soil hitting your nose. He holds you for a second, then five, then ten. “What’s wrong sugar? What’s got you so worked up, huh?” He asks, looking at your features for any signs hinting at your distress. “I got in, Reiner. UCLA, they accepted me.” You say, gripping his shirt for support. “UCLA? I-isn’t that in California?” You nod, and he sighs deep, pulling your head to his chest. “I’m so glad they accepted me, but I’m scared. I don’t know anyone there, and I don’t wanna leave you.” 

Him. You didn’t want to leave him. He didn’t want to, but in that moment he felt so ecstatic that he was the only reason you wanted to stay. It was selfish, he knew that, but he elated that he was that special to you.

“Isn’t this what you always wanted? To get out this shitty little town and finally live your life?” He was right, when was he not? But it still hurt knowing that he wasn’t coming with you. “Yes, but I love you, and if I leave I won’t come back. I don’t wanna leave you here and you never see me again and you move on with life while I never stop thinking of you, thinking that if I stayed then none of it would’ve happened.” You were crying at this point, tears pouring down your face. He wiped them, even kissing some of them away. “Now in what world would I move on without you? Don’t be silly now, you're my number one girl. You're gonna go to UCLA, live your life, and be happy. I’ll be right here, supporting you from this shitty little town in Texas. We’ll talk to each other on the phone, and we’ll still love each other the same.” It was a lie, and he knew it. But it wanted to believe it so bad, you did too. You spent the rest of the night with him, and you ended up making love.

It was new to the both of you, but for some reason it wasn’t awkward. Light kisses down your neck and soft moans filled the night sky as your dream came true. As ashamed as you were of the fact, you had fantasized this night many times before. He treated you with care and compassion, as he did any other time. But it was different, more transparent. It was hot, sticky, and sweaty. But neither of you cared, happy to do this with each other, to be the others first.

It wasn’t long after that before he had to help you pack and see to the train. His mother cried for and with you, hugging you tight as she whispered prayers in your ear for your success and safety. You could see tears in his fathers eyes that wouldn’t dare fall. He told you that he’s always seen you as his own, and that he was happy that his son got to grow up with you. He drove you to the station, hand on your thigh as a reminder. A reminder that he’s there and that he doesn’t want to let you go, a reminder that he loves you.

A reminder that he’ll never forget you.

You wish you lived close enough to an airport so that you could spend more time with him before you left, but that wasn’t the case. He picked your luggage with a quiet grunt and followed you to the platform. You turned to him, not knowing what to say, and he knew it. Your eyes met his, and a tear raced down his cheek. You followed suit, and soon the both of you were crying. He pulled you into a hug that you never wanted to leave, and he knew it. He knew all of it, and that’s what you think made saying goodbye so much harder.

“Promise me you’ll call?” You ask, sniffling. “Course’ I will, doll. What kinda man would I be if I didn't call my woman?” His woman. You’re his woman. It’s supposed to make you happy, but it just makes you cry harder. “Cmon now, I don’t want cha’ goin on this train boo hooing when you have so much to look forward to.” You shake your head yes, touching your forehead to his. He kissed you again, then again, then again. If you weren’t whispering to each other, you’re sure that bystanders would’ve noticed by now. But you didn’t care, you just wanted one more night with him to watch the fireflies and talk about meaningless shit that has meaning in the moment, because that’s what it comes down to. Moments with him make you feel like everything is perfectly fine, even if they’re not. 

You hear the deafening sound of the train whistle in the distance, signaling the end of your time with him. “There’s your train to the future baby.” He says, kissing your temple. “Shut up Reiner!” You laugh, leaning into it.

He helped you board the train, finding your seat with ease. He looks at you, and you look at him. He’s frozen in place, and so are you. “I love you so much, let that be known for as long as you live.” He says, hugging you for the last time. “I love you too, don’t forget it either. Oh, and don’t forget to tell Daisy that mommy loves her.” You joke, chuckling as you see his face drop. She had warmed up to you over the years, and you were now her favorite person.“That damn horse is the bane of my existence.” he scoffs, and you burst out laughing. “I think you, your family, and that damn horse are the only things I’m gonna miss around here.” You say, playing with his collar. 

The conductor yells something you don’t catch, but you know it means that he has to leave. “Can’t I just come with you and tell my parents why I didn’t come back later?” He asks, a boyish tone in his voice. “You can’t,” you coo, “if you did, they would actually kill you when you got back.” “Who said I would come back?” Your eyes widen in shock, really contemplating it. All in all, he could come, but he has a life here for him – you don’t.

“No, you need to stay so you can take your fathers farm once you're old enough. I know that it’s your dream even though you get tired of it sometimes.” He looks at you with an expression you can’t explain. It’s as if he’s trying to tell you something he can’t put into words, but he doesn’t need to. You understand him just as well as he does you. Some things don’t need to be said, and this is one of those things. “Call me when you get there, ok?” He borderline begs. You say yes, and he finally walks off.

The trains move with a jerk, but you don’t pay attention to it. You see him as he slowly disappears into the distance, being replaced by forest and gravel. You don’t cry anymore, more like you refuse to, but you think to yourself – what if I stayed.

When you reach California, as the first day commences, when you finish your freshman year, and when you graduate. Through it all you constantly think to yourself, what would've happened if I stayed?

The calls started getting sparser and short, life catching up to the both of you making less time for each other. It still hurts when you think about it, but life is life, and it doesn’t stop for anybody. By senior year, the two of you stopped talking all together. You found people, as did he. The two of you drifted apart, as many others do. But you don’t care about the others, all you care about is him.

He calls you the day you graduate. It’s short and simple,exchanging hellos and words of well being. You want to ask him a million questions, but you refrain. You're content enough with just hearing his voice, even though you know it’ll be for the last time. He’s in the middle of asking you what your class rank when you hear a youthful voice on his end. “Is that your kid?” You ask, deep down hoping he says no. There's a brief pause, as if he’s thinking of a lie to tell you. “Yeah, she’s my youngest.” He finally says, and your heart drops. “Oh..that’s lovely to hear. How old is she?” You ask, throat tightening up. “She just turned two, her birthday was last week actually.” He sighs, seeming to be occupied with her. “What’s that sweet girl's name?” You ask, eyes darting around the room looking for something to keep you busy. “Um..I actually named her after you.” You freeze in your tracks, breath hitching. “Does her mom know about me?” You ask, hoping that she doesn’t. “No. She’s from out of town actually. Her names Natalie.” You can’t breathe. Room starts to spin around you. He notices, and starts to call out your name. “I..I gotta go Reiner.” You hang up the phone before he can say anything else.

She’s a reminder. A reminder of your old love,  a reminder that he’s always been waiting and still doesn’t want to let you go, a reminder that he loves you.

A reminder that he’s never forgotten you, and he never will.

-Nene