#and its my own fault but i dont know wtf to do about it

[oddinry]

i wish i didnt have the worlds worst social anxiety

[damagedcoda6669]

this is stupid

lets talk about this dumb ask for a minute. (leaving them anonymous so they dont get SLAUGHTERED)

ive gotten a handful of comments on my youtube video accusing me of the exact same things, so im gonna use this as an opportunity to teach you HOW NOT TO ACT TOWARDS CREATORS ONLINE. first of all, my financial situation is NONE of your business. i will establish that i pay rent, i have an income, i help synni out financially, but i dont owe you ANY of that information. making an assumption about my private life and then using said assumption to demonize me is exactly the kind of behavior exhibited by the internet growing up which ruined my childhood. you are making an assumption about me and using it to victimize synni and demonize me, two people who you have NEVER MET and in reality you know next to NOTHING about. stop making me out to be the bad guy in every situation, it goes to show that you have learned nothing from my video and are continuing the cycle of birdie hate for no good reason.

second of all, this is fucking ableist. assuming im mooching off of my best friend and being lazy because i happen to be disabled and mentally ill? fuck off. there is no "you need to get your act together" youre not my fucking parent, and also??? i need to get my act together??? you mean stop being disabled??? wtf are you on about??? synni chooses to vent about her financial situation, but i choose to keep that part of my life private. me and synni are in the exact same boat. you know NOTHING about me. for all you know i could be working a 9 to 5 like everybody else, but you never considered that possibility because im disabled. i did say in my video "fuck work" but guess what? people who have jobs also dont like working. synni has expressed the same "fuck work" rhetoric but instead of treating her as manipulative and evil in this situation you make her out to be a victim. we all know why youre talking about me the way that you are.

third of all, its not my fault synni is working 24/7??? its not my fault we're poor??? did you ever consider the economic climate rn??? or think to blame capitalism for making us need to work all of our lives only leaving us with a few hours to ourselves, barely surviving and scraping by? but of course, you dont want a rational answer to why synni and i are suffering financially. the internet always wants somebody to throw under the bus, and it will always be me because you will always see me as a mentally ill dangerous freak. think for yourself, unpack your own ableism. its exhausting.

OKAY BACK 2 NORMAL JACK MODE srry 4 writing a whole bible abt this, i feel VRY strongly abt this. my disabilities have been effecting me so badly ive been considering getting a wheelchair. (dont forget im physically disabled as well!!!) its not FUN 2 not be able 2 do the same things every1 else can (and it certainly isnt fun 2 have 2 explain that 2 ppl who dont care enough 2 understand) but i will never stop advocating 4 myself, becuz i never had any1 2 do that 4 me when i was a kid

[chlobliviate]

Wolfstar Microfics - Crack Fic

Words: 986 😅

@wolfstarmicrofic

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Moony

(13:47) Sirius, I’m going to fucking murder you in your sleep. 😌

Padfoot

(13:48) you can try

(13:48) but

(13:48) i’ve been awake for hours

Prongs

(13:48) What did he do now?/

Moony

(13:48) He knows what he did.

(13:49) I said I shouldn’t go out last night.

Padfoot

(13:49) and yet out you went

Moony

(13:49) And yet, out I went. 😔

Prongs

(13:50) Pretty sure I just heard Moony sigh through the wall.

(13:50) So what did Pads do?

Padfoot

(13:55) O NO

(13:55) o nooooooooo 😬😬😬😬

Wormtail

(13:56) ???

Padfoot

(13:56) i may have given us all personalised ringtones on moonsss phone

Prongs

(13:57) 😂😂😂😂😂😂WHAT WS MNE?!??!!?

(13:57) Moony don’t bang on my wall to punish me for shoddy spelling when Sirius hasn’t used a capital letter since 2008.

(13:57) BUT WHAT WAS MINE

Padfoot

(13:58) do-re-mi from the sound of music

Prongs

(13:58) I am less excied about this now.

Padfoot

(13:59) naturally pete’s was rat-a-tat-tat by fall out boy and courtney love (absolute banger btw)

Prongs

(13:59) Nvm I’m back on board!

(13:59) What about yours?

Moony

(14:00) You Belong with Me.

Wormtail

(14:02) Ah. 🙃

Moony

(14:04) So Benjy suggested we ‘take a break’

Padfoot

(14:04) fuck im so sorry moons

(14:05) i can text him and tell him it was a joke

Moony

(14:06) Nah, it’s ok. I care a lot less than I thought I would tbh.

(14:10) James. Your headphones are unplugged.

Prongs

(14:10) SORRY SORRY FUCK ITS NOT WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE

Padfoot

(14:10) wow moony’s having a crisis and you’re having a wank

(14:11) harsh

Moony

(14:12) I’m not having a crisis. I’m fine. That’s probably not a great comment on my relationship though?

(14:12) JAMES! HEADPHONES!

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Wormtail

(20:27) Lads, 😱😱 I think Benjy’s on a date

(20:28) Just showed up here with some guy

Padfoot

(20:28) moony sleeping 🤫 wtf we need details

Prongs

(20:29) Nvm, Sirius woke him when he yelled wtf

Moony

(20:40) Yeah, I bet that's David. He’s on Benjy’s course and he may have come up a few times.

(20:41) He didn’t even give it 8 hours. Wow. What a prick. I’m not surprised though, which probably also speaks volumes.

(20:41) Fuck. 😂

Padfoot

(20:41) you have four minutes to make yourself presentable moons then we’re coming in with tea and chocolate and a movie

(20:42) three minutes

Moony

(20:42) 👀👀👀 What’s happening next door?

Padfoot

(20:43) TWO MINUTES dont change the subject

(20:43) new neighbours

(20:43) all girls

(20:43) james is in love already 😂

Prongs

(20:43) I AN NOT

(20:44) BAD PADFOOT

Moony

(20:44) When did you meet them?

Padfoot

(20:44) one minute moony moon also we did not meet them but james spent a lot of time peeking out of his windoe this morning

(20:44) winDOE AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😂😂😂😂😂

(20:44) let the record state that i was assaulted with a wooden spoon 😔

Moony

(20:44) 😏😏😏

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Moony

(10:01) Just met the neighbours.

(10:01) They asked what James’ ‘deal’ is.

(10:01) You were not slick at all. 😂

(10:02) They invited us over for drinks tonight, though.

Prongs

(10:02) It’s not my fault they were so loud moving in that I had to see what the commotion was.

(10:02) There was Beyonce and shrieking. I was merely a CONCERNED citizen. 😌

Moony

(10:02) That’s your story and you’re sticking to it?

(10:03) Benjy and David are already Facebook official. Wow.

Prongs

(10:04) Moony. He is a massive twat. You have terrible taste in partners.

Moony

(10:05) That is not at all reassuring.

(10:06) I’m going to drink so much tonight. 🙃🙃🙃

Prongs

(10:07) oh yeeeeah? Anyone from next door ccatch your eye?

Padfoot

(10:07) moonys only got eyes for me thank you very much 😤😤

Moony

(10:08) Don’t get me wrong, they’re all pretty, but no.

(10:08) Plus, I CLEARLY only have eyes for Pads.

Prongs

(10:17) So… whats her nameeee? 🫠

Moony

(10:18) Who?

Prongs

(10:18) YOU KNOW WHO

Moony

(10:19) Drawing a real blank here.

Padfoot

(10:20) hes just giggling at his phone

Moony

(10:20) Traitor.

Padfoot

(10:20) MOONY EHY MuST YOU WOUND ME SO

Wormtail

(10:20) Did you two sleep together again?

Prongs

(10:21) I mean the red headed, fiery goddess who lives next door and laughs like a witch.

(10:22) Ooooooooooh? 👀👀

Moony

(10:22) Emphasis on the word SLEEP. Yes.

(10:23) No homo.

(10:23) I mean, partially homo, I guess. 😂

Padfoot

(10:23) FULL HOMO BIG HOMO ENERGY IN THIS ROOM ;)

(10:23) get over it wormy

Wormtail

(10:23) I didn;t mean it like that!!!! It’s fine if you want to do that!

(10:24) I only request that you do it in Remus’ room, bc Sirius is next to me and I don’t need to hear his cum noise.

Padfoot

(10:25) let the record state that moonbeam laughed so hard at ‘cum noise’ that he banged his head on the wall and dropped his phone down the side of his bed 💀💀💀

Prongs

(10:25) Is his hed made of lead? That was so loud fuck.

(10:26) That means your cum noise is gonna be loud too. Ew no. go fuk by Pete.

Moony

(10:27) We’re not fucking, wow.

(10:27) We’re all very aware that I’m not Sirius’ type.

Padfoot

(10:28) what is my type

(10:28) fite me

Prongs

(10:28) dumb, obscenely pretty, easy.

Moony

(10:29) One out of three. Damn. 🙃

(10:29) Also you misspelled *bite. 😌

Padfoot

(10:30) which one what moony what wait what 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

[akascow]

tua4 spoilers as i rant about it like everyone else bc wtf was that

its like the writers got knocked in the head and forgor everything that had to do with the comics and former seasons and instead of trying to relearn it all they just looked at a picture of the characters and a vague description of their powers and wrote a script around it held together by a used bandage and a dried out elmers glue stick

dude i havent even finished watching it yet but no fucking way they all die at the end (if i read that correctly)

ur telling me after fighting to save the world on 3 separate occasions they dont even get a happy ending ?? what

not even mentioning the whole victim blaming line of "your trauma is your own fault because you shouldve never existed in the first place" aYO?????? wHAT ?!? that makes me so mad like highkey what

i havent gotten to it yet but i know theres a whole thing with lila and five now too which fucking sucks because ew? huh

they literally ruined everyones relationship because why did ray walk out on allison and claire?? the fuck ? ray from s2 would punch side mention s4 ray in the dick

jennifer was a stupid plot point okay why the fuck was she in a squid howd she get there whered it come from and why does she have such a visceral reaction to it years later

as an AVID no1 klaus lover they really nerfed the best character in the show he literally only got shot so allison could get peer pressured into resuscitating a dnr patient basically bc they couldnt find another way to write in how he got his powers back,, and they completely threw away the part from last season that he can choose to stay in purgatory(?) if he wanted to so thats that i guess :/

also lila w laser eyes? lmao girl where did that come from (NOT how her powers work)

and last thing everyones already saying this i was so happy luther finally got his normal human body back (i cannot stand looking at that ape body ive hated it since s1 lmao) and he gets his SUPER STRENGTH back and suddenly hes hairy again ?? WHYYYY??? THATS NOT HOW HIS POWERS WORK

i will admit tho that one scene with diego flipping into gunfire and redirecting the bullets back at them was sick as fuck i smiled hard at that

anyway i wasnt expecting viktor to be my fave character this season but elliot page was like so good this season (also his voice is so yummy) i mean he was great in every other season but he stuck out to me the most this time lol. i like that he has more teasing and jokes and hes a lot more confident,, not that it matters now but whatever it was nice while it lasted

[httpiastri]

im the BIGGEST mclaren fan and oscar fan in the world ever and i dont even have the energy to celebrate oscar's first win (yes bc of the fucked up way mclaren did it but wtv not getting into that) bc of how devastated i am about paul. i just want to give him the biggest hug in the world and tell him its ok and that we all still love him. i hope he knows how much support he has and that making mistakes is ok, its only his rookie season no one expects him to be schumacher or senna or whoever, we just want you to be a happy paul aron :(

seeing him banging his head and looking out into the distance after the crash omfg i will jump off a cliff i swear. hes so hard on himself and i was legit sobbing thinking about how much harder he is on himself (probably) this year after what happened w merc and prema. he deserves so much more omg. the fact that kimi ended up winning the race just made me think of the lacy edits too and omfg i cannot. i love kimi dont get me wrong but what are the chances that paul's win became kimi's instead? i js cant.

and dont get me started on that fucking penalty. he already dnf'd i don't understand the point of them punishing him any further did u not see how mad he was at himself?? fuck you fia fuck. you. cz WHY WHAT WAS THE REASON??? i feel like ive never seen them do that to a driver, usually they cause a collision and dnf they just get time penalties but a TEN PLACE GRID PENALTY?? FOR THE NEXT RACE?? THIS LATE IN THE SEASON?? it just seems SO unfair and so harsh. not agreeing w the grid penalties at all esp when the driver alr suffered from their mistakes but the crash w maloney fine i can kind of understand, but ollie's? sorry but i didnt even see them crash that hard? (or was i half asleep? idk i js literally do not remember seeing it) seriously tho wtf.

i hope his friends, family and team gave him the biggest hug ever. he'll come back stronger ik it! we'll get thru this u guys:(

paul nation family group hug 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

-🧸

this is very valid :(( it wouldve been easier to celebrate if it had been better with the team and whatever, but now it was so easily overshadowed by everything that happened in f2 and i just 😶

to me, most of my pain is based on (just like u said) the fact that i think he's hard on himself, and wants to prove so much after everything that has happened. i just hope he sees the reality; that he's doing super well, in his rookie season nonetheless, and we're all so proud of him. mistakes is okay, shit happens, even max verstappen made a bunch of mistakes yesterday!!

i didnt wanna look at the clips of him in the car nor hear his radio (ive seen the screenshot of him admitting that it was his fault tho) and i saw the clip of him after getting out of the car and i just...... nope. and esp w kimi winning aaaa it made me so happy but-

god i dont understand the penalties like. yes he made a mistake but zane was also going very very slow (on the slower tyres also) so it was hard for him to tell what zane was going to do. like these things happen within even a fraction of a second and you need to trust your instinct and sometimes it doesn't work out? like obvs i cant compare it to any personal experiences in racing but in my own sport i know the feeling of getting a bad pass etc, and something tiny can mess up the entire timing and feeling and everything? so zane just going slower makes a lot of difference :// it's not common that they do this but ive seen it sometimes but this is just so.... gAH!! esp with the thing with ollie because they didn't even show it, so it can't have been THAT important, right?? so stupid

pls everyone gather around for a group hug! with paul in the middle bcs he deserves all of the love!!!!!!! <3<3<3

(oh and just so you know. "we just want you to be a happy paul aron :("........... you actually broke me with that one, i hope you're happy that im crying bcs of you 😭)

[phantaloon]

okay fuck

ngl it was... i dont want to say disappointing, bc it wasn't, but it was surprising i think

like i get some things have to be rushed, hopefully s2 will have a bigger budget and they'll have more time or more episodes, but one thing im not digging a lot is the cuts in this episode is particular, like when percy tells annabeth what he talked with hermes, but they dont show that conversation, its a bit weird, but not too off throwing

also! not sure how to feel about the introduction of may castellan so early on, but not much was said enough for it to truly matter or change anything, so im just not gonna mind

also didn’t think hermes's presence was necessary in the first place, and i didn’t think lin's acting was as interesting as ares or dionysus or haephestus

but having said that, i actually really liked the vibes of this episode, especially since the show has been more character and plot driven rather than action driven

it was slow, yes, but it was fitting, and i think it was a nice break from the rush of the last two episodes, and i loved seeing percy and annabeth work together like that, and i LOVE how much they're showing grover's dedication to finding pan

also the wise girl, and percy driving the taxi were fucking highlights

and like, two things really caught my eye and have me insanely excited for an explanation

one is the flashback hermes shows percy, like wtf is going on there, i see young percy in the car on his own in front of a house, and given the conversation all i can think is it has smth to do with sally, possibly with gabe, possibly hinting at the abuse she went through, possibly hinting at how much it cost her to do everything to keep percy safe, of what it was for her to love poseidon and know he loves her and know they can't be together, and i really hope we get an explanation

the second is the FOUR PEARLS, like we KNOW sally doesn't leave the underworld, not only bc that's in the books, but bc shes not there in the preview for next episode, and fuck am i antsy to see just how they're going to lose the fourth pearl, will it be luke's fault when grover gets almost dragged to kronos? will it be on their way to hades? what makes him lose the pearl?

and ohhhh, it was one thing to leave sally bc he didn't have a way to bring her with them, it's completely another thing to have to leave her behind bc he lost the way to get her, and i can't wait to see his ANGER, god fuck i want to see a completely feral percy fight ares

so yeah, not my favorite episode, especially back to back to how fucking amazing last episode was, but im really excited for the things to come and how its changed some things that leave us, the book readers, in the dark as well

really looking forward to next week :)

edit lmao i forgot the ONE change that really upset me: what the fuck do you mean they missed the deadline? like now what lmao? richard whY?

[pesterloglog]

Gamzee Makara, John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Jake English, Jade Harley

Candy, page 15

GAMZEE: OoOpS mOtHeRfUcKeRs.

JOHN: oops???

ROXY: its fine gamz

ROXY: accidents happen

ROXY: um

ROXY: hey thx everyone for joining me today

ROXY: wow now that im up here its like

ROXY: idk

ROXY: i have no idea what to say

ROXY: and i guess thats cuz there IS nothing to say

ROXY: theres no words to describe how i felt about dirk strider

ROXY: and even tho he left a note that had hella words in it

ROXY: they might as well have been sayin nothing

ROXY: which is just like dirk i guess

ROXY: to leave us with a load of bullshit and no idea why he did what he did

ROXY: so im just gonna say that

ROXY: im glad that he was in my life

ROXY: and give it over to someone whos way more eloquent than me

DAVE: hey guys

DAVE: wanna apologize in advance cuz this is about to get a lil real

DAVE: realer than that three quarters of a corpse im standing about two feet from right now

DAVE: i mean i totally hate to ruin everyones mood on a day where weve gathered to think deep thoughts about how one of us just went and fucking offed themselves

DAVE: not like were gonna be stumbling through our lives constantly experiencing intrusive thoughts about this specific event or anything

DAVE: hey remember what our good pal dirk looked like with no head

DAVE: p hard to forget since getting decapitated was like his third favorite hobby

DAVE: so its not so much the body thats the problem but the sorta

DAVE: existential realization of finality i guess

DAVE: though i aint gonna lie the bodys starting to stink

DAVE: sorry all that shit i just said was a load of absolute bull meant to deflect from the fact that im pretty shook about this

DAVE: i used to do that a lot

DAVE: like basically every time i opened my mouth

DAVE: most of you know this but i had a kinda shitty childhood

DAVE: not gonna go into details but

DAVE: long story short it was technically my good ol bro-dad heres fault

DAVE: not this specific version of him

DAVE: the one i grew up with was a

DAVE: a

DAVE: he was

DAVE: he was just an absolute bastard no offense to the dead

DAVE: yeah ok sure he taught me a ton of shit that if were being generous was in theory useful

DAVE: but he didnt give a single solitary shit about raising a well adjusted kid

DAVE: or

DAVE: raising a kid in general

DAVE: i was more like his disciple

DAVE: and all that mattered was his grand design or wtf ever

DAVE: and i know dirk struggled with

DAVE: you know

DAVE: the idea that he could eventually become that kind of person

DAVE: or even worse that he was somehow cosmically fated to become that person no matter what he wanted or did to prevent it

DAVE: thats prolly how he managed to off himself in the first place considering how the mechanics of god tier works

DAVE: maybe hed been struggling with that the whole time weve been here on earth c

DAVE: who knows with him

DAVE: he was always so inside his own head i cant even imagine what insane train of thought led him to decide that this was his only option

DAVE: but i dont think hed want us beating ourselves up about it

DAVE: or torturing ourselves trying to figure out what it fucking meant

DAVE: esp jake jane and roxy

DAVE: he loved you guys and wouldnt do anything to hurt you

DAVE: well not intentionally i mean

DAVE: anyway all that shit about my bro

DAVE: im over that

DAVE: like as much as you can get over it

DAVE: theres a subconscious response to certain stimuli you cant exactly rewire

DAVE: but the conscious part of my brain is all like

DAVE: shit dude

DAVE: i feel great

DAVE: wtf is hypervigilance??

DAVE: i love being alive and having all these friends who care about me and dont beat the shit out of me every day of my life

DAVE: etc

DAVE: and part of thats cause i got to be friends with dirk

DAVE: it was great getting to know this rad version of my childhood guardian who wasnt completely batshit insane

DAVE: and like just chill with him

DAVE: shoot the shit and freestyle or debate dumb crap without it being a federal fucking issue

DAVE: and more than that he treated me like i was on the level with him

DAVE: he let me give him shit for being a pretentious blowhard every day of his life

DAVE: which i did

DAVE: but despite that i

DAVE: i looked up to him

DAVE: the way i always felt like i should have been looking up to my bro

DAVE: the way i WANTED to look up to my bro but couldnt

DAVE: dirk taught me so much shit i didnt know i needed from him

DAVE: i mean picking up dirks opinions was unavoidable if you ever hung out with him considering he never shut his fucking mouth

DAVE: but im glad he didnt

DAVE: he taught me about combat

DAVE: philosophy

DAVE: life

DAVE: and im sure had he not killed himself the literal day i was finally gonna ask him romantic advice

DAVE: he wouldve taught me about love too

DAVE: so in the end

DAVE: i really got no idea how the fuck im supposed to feel right now

DAVE: but thats probably ok right

DAVE: like its ok

DAVE: to not know how to feel when someone dies

DAVE: its ok to not have all the answers

DAVE: i wish dirk were still alive so i could tell him that

DAVE: but hes not

DAVE: so

DAVE: i guess thats all i got to say about that

ROXY: anyone else have a eulogy theyd like to give

ROXY: i think the best way we can honor dirks memory at this point

ROXY: is to spew an untold number of words into the void

ROXY: as many as we fuckin can

GAMZEE: WhAt’S uP oN tHiS mOsT rIgHtEoUs AnD fRoWnY Of DaYs My BiTcHeS. :’o(

KARKAT: OH MY GOD

KARKAT: NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY, GAMZEE.

GAMZEE: HaHaHaHa YoU sTiLl GoT iT bRoThEr.

GAMZEE: mY mOtHeRfUcKeR oF cOmEdY’s In ThA pRaYbLoCk! ThAt MiRtHfUl NoIsE yOu HoLlEr StIlL sLaPs My MaNg.

KARKAT: IT’S NOT A FUCKING JOKE.

GAMZEE: NiNjAs AnD gEnTlEhOeS!

GAMZEE: We GaThEr Up At ThIs ShRiNe Of WoRsHiP tO wHaTeVeR fAlSe IdOlS oR mEsSiAhS tHeSe HoMiEs GeT tHeIr DeVoTiOn On FoR.

GAMZEE: BuT tHaT’s Ok, BeCaUsE wE’rE mOtHeRfUcKiN uNiFiEd ToDaY, nO mAtTeR wHaT oUr BaD aNd DiFfErEnT bElIeFs SaY aT uS tO oUr PiEtY pAnS.

GAMZEE: We CoMe In CeLeBrAtIoN oF tHe LiFe! :o)

GAMZEE: aNd DeAtH. :o(

GAMZEE: Of ThE oNe AnD oNlY, a TrUlY cHoIcE pIeCe Of MaN-bItCh WhAt WhOm I hArDlY eVeR kNeW:

GAMZEE: tHe DiRkStEr.

KARKAT: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

GAMZEE: ThEn, YoU mIgHt Be Up AnD wOnDeRiNg, WhAt PlAcE hAvE i GoT aLl OrAtInG oN tHe SuBjEcT oF tHe LeGeNd Of ThIs FiNe FeLlOw?

GAMZEE: tHaT’s A gOoD qUeStIoN mY mIrThFuL bRoThErS.

GAMZEE: i MaY nOt Be AlL uP aNd LeArNeD aBoUt HiS lIfE, bUt I’vE gOt DeEp SpIrItAl CoNnEcTiOnS tO hIs DeAtH.

GAMZEE: It JuSt So HaPpEnEd ThAt FaTe BrOuGhT mE tO hIs DoOrStEp On ThE vErY dAy ThAt He WeNt AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg ChOkEd It OfF aT tHe NeCk.

GAMZEE: oNe Of ThE mOsT sPiRiTuAlLy AwAkEnInG mOmEnTs In My LiFe...

GAMZEE: In SuCh A sHoRt TiMe He TaUgHt Me So MuCh.

GAMZEE: ThIs WaS nO cOiNcIdEnCe. It WaS a HiGhEr PoWeR gUiDiNg My PaTh.

GAMZEE: tHeSe PoWeRs MaDe SuRe ThAt I wOuLd Be ThErE, tO rEcEiVe A gReAt WaRrIoR’s FiNaL mEsSaGe, AnD rElAy It To YoU oN tHiS dArK aNd DrEaRy DaY oF dEaTh.

GAMZEE: HoNk!

GAMZEE: AwWw, ShIzZ. i GuEsS i’Ve GoT tO uP aNd WiNg It!

GAMZEE: YoU eVeR wAkE uP aNd SiT dOwN tO dRoP a FaT oNe In ThE lOaD gApEr, BuT yOuR fLeSh BoDy JuSt AiN’t ReAdY tO gO aNd DoOk It OuT yEt?

GAMZEE: tHaT’s WhAt LiFe WaS lIkE fOr ThE d-MaN.

GAMZEE: A mAn BoRn WiTh A pUrPoSe. A pLaN.

GAMZEE: bUt ThE wIcKeD wAyS oF tHiS wOrLd StOlE tHaT aWaY fRoM hIm...

ROXY: WOW WASNT THAT GREAT FOLKS!

ROXY: WOW JUST WOW I KNEW THIS GUY WOULDNT LET US DOWN

ROXY: BRAVO!!! DAMN I FEEL LIKE IF I NEVER HEARD ANOTHER WORD THIS GUY EVER SAID THATD BE FINE BECAUSE THAT WAS ALL JUST SO *PERFECT*

ROXY: ANYTHING MORE WOULD ONLY DAMPEN THIS PERFECT MEMORY HE GAVE US!

ROXY: TAKE A BOW GAMZEE AND THEN OH YEAH THE EXITS THAT WAY!

GAMZEE: hOoOoOoOoOnK.

ROXY: (hey dude can u get up there and say somethin as like...)

ROXY: (a palate cleanser?)

JAKE: Gulp! Uh...

ROXY: (he was your best bro! come on man surely u got somethin in ur heart to say)

JAKE: Oh... Okay.

ROXY: hay everybody its jakes turn!

ROXY: hes got a few words hed like to say about our dear departed buddy

JOHN: (oh for fuck’s sake.)

JOHN: uhh, hi guys!

DAVE: hey

KARKAT: I SEE THAT EVEN YOU COULDN’T BEAR GAMZEE’S ASININE, BRUTAL AND 100% NONCONSENSUAL ASSAULT ON YOUR LISTEN CRATERS, AND ALSO THE BASIC DECENCY WHICH SAPIENT BEINGS APPARENTLY OWE TO ONE ANOTHER ON THIS PLANET.

JOHN: no, um, actually i listened to the entire thing.

JOHN: i have no idea why i did that. now i have this whole memory in my head that i could have definitely lived without.

JOHN: i was just worried... because you didn’t come back.

JOHN: dave, are you ok?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: well no

DAVE: but its ok to not be ok about this specific thing i think

DAVE: so for once i think im having like

DAVE: a totally unironically normal emotional reaction to a thing

DAVE: which loops around back to being ok

DAVE: in fact im probs the okayest ive ever been objectively

JOHN: are you SURE?

KARKAT: THAT WAS HALF A HUNDRED WORDS TO EXPRESS A THREE LETTER SENTIMENT.

KARKAT: I’D SAY HE’S DOING FINE.

JOHN: hmm.

JOHN: because i was thinking...

JOHN: do you... want me to go back?

DAVE: go

DAVE: back??

JOHN: with my retcon powers.

JOHN: i could go back and stop him.

DAVE: dude

KARKAT: JOHN!

JOHN: what!

KARKAT: DO YOU NOT HAVE AN INCH OF GODDAMN SENSE IN THAT THICK FUCKING SKULL OF YOURS?

JOHN: what!!!

DAVE: john

DAVE: come on what are my powers

JOHN: ummm... time travel?

DAVE: so you dont think i wouldve already done that if i thought it was a good idea

JOHN: well ok yeah, obviously.

JOHN: but if you DID do it we wouldn’t even know right now because it would’ve just made a new timeline where dirk didn’t kill himself. that’s how time travel works, right?

DAVE: ehhh well actually

JOHN: but!

JOHN: if i retcon it...

JOHN: then it’s like it never even happened!

JOHN: we wouldn’t have had this horrible funeral at all.

DAVE: i dunno dude thats

DAVE: a little fucked up actually

JOHN: you think so?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy

DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did

DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision

DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy

JOHN: huh. i... didn’t think about it that way.

JADE: dave!!! roxys wondering where you are

DAVE: oh yeah be right there

JADE: what about you karkat? you coming??

KARKAT: YES! GOD!

KARKAT: CAN’T A MAN STAND ON A MOIST AND DREARY PIECE OF RELIGIOUS PROPERTY TO HELP CONSOLE HIS MAIN BRO?!

KARKAT: JESUS FUCK, GOD FORBID WE UPSET THE CAREFULLY ORCHESTRATED FUNERAL PROGRAMMING WHICH JUST FEATURED A SEGMENT WHEREIN A DEEPLY UNPOPULAR CLOWN PISSED HIMSELF IN FRONT OF THE CLAMORING PAPARAZZI!

JADE: oh lord... you dumb baby

JADE: karkat it looks to ME like youre the one third wheeling dave and johns poignant brotimes

JADE: so why dont you get your butt on over here???

KARKAT: ARGH... FINE!

DAVE: john

DAVE: i get what you were trying to do

DAVE: but

DAVE: its ok dude

DAVE: im ok

JOHN: that’s weird...

JOHN: it was working just the other day.

ROXY: lmao john its just me

ROXY: doin ok up there b?

JOHN: i’m fine!!!

JOHN: wait. b?

ROXY: yea like short for babe

ROXY: cuz ur my babe b

JOHN: oh, haha. right.

ROXY: is dave ok?

JOHN: yeah, i guess.

JOHN: ...

JOHN: are YOU okay?

ROXY: yea

ROXY: yea

ROXY: actually

ROXY: im more than ok

ROXY: cause ive been thinking

JOHN: oh?

ROXY: about you n me

ROXY: and this

ROXY: hey john

ROXY: we should get hitched

JOHN: ummmmmm...

JOHN: um...

JOHN: ...what???

ROXY: um what WHAT?

ROXY: john cmon

ROXY: marry me

JOHN: like...

JOHN: right NOW?

ROXY: lmao totes

ROXY: were already at the church n everything

JOHN: o-oh my god.

JOHN: oh my god!

ROXY: john

JOHN: oh my god, are you serious??

ROXY: no LOL

ROXY: john u take everything so literally

ROXY: its fuckin adorbs

JOHN: is that... why you want to marry me?

ROXY: yea

ROXY: im off the charts with all my jokes n shit

ROXY: and i gotta even all that out

ROXY: with this like HUGE helping of clueless nerd :)

JOHN: roxy...

ROXY: ok but lets be serious here moment

ROXY: i actually do love that youre so earnest

ROXY: its cute as fuck and also

ROXY: i always know where i stand with you

JOHN: roxy...

ROXY: sides this whole

ROXY: THING with dirk

ROXY: its made me realize that even though were immortal

ROXY: were not necessarily gonna live forever

ROXY: lifes too short not to spend every moment with the one u love

JOHN: you...

JOHN: LOVE me??

ROXY: yea john i love you

ROXY: wanna marry u and spend the rest of my life with u and pop out a bunch of cute lil buck toothed babies with you

JOHN: oh, uh. haha, wow. roxy that’s um.

JOHN: that’s a LOT.

ROXY: well you dont gotta answer rn

ROXY: just know its on the table

JOHN: i...

JOHN: i...

JOHN: ok.

JOHN: ok, let’s... let’s do it!

ROXY: ooo u want to do it??

JOHN: yeah!

JOHN: er... i mean...

JOHN: um, yeah. that too.

JOHN: but i meant...

JOHN: about the getting married thing.

JOHN: let’s... do that!

JOHN: let’s totally get married!!

ROXY: omg

ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

[eternalera]

some things that annoy me in writing

when a character endlessly trauma dumps on someone especially their lover.

i mostly dont like this trope because one, why and two GET A THERAPIST. THAT SHIT IS THEIR JOB. not to say that their partner cant comfort them but sometimes it does come to a point where that character is ENDLESSLY relying on their significant other for 'validation' or for 'therapy' and then they get mad at themselves or at their partner if they cant provide it. this drops a lot on the other significant other because now theyre worried about their own problems, their partners, and whatever else the hell is going on with their life. and when i say theyre worried about their partners i mean theyre worried worried like its constantly plagues them and the partner AINT HELPING. like they miss a date and all of the sudden it 'where were you?' 'i needed you!' 'you know whats going on with me right now how could you!' like no. stop it. they can love you but they aint your goddamn therapist. get someone else.

2. the whole 'i dont deserve you argument'

yes its fluffy, angsty and practically perfect in nearly every damn way but god. its hardly ever done right. like everything feels forced, the reasons feel forced and i can never actually hear someone saying that. i can hear someone going 'you shouldnt be here' as in 'i dont deserve you' or in some other way. if the whole 'i dont deserve you' argument is underlying then its fine but when its upright in an 'emotional scene' the whole 'i dont deserve you' just makes me go 'ugh' mostly because it just feels so goddamn unrealistic. not to mention it takes all that emotional tension and instead of adding to it, it just fucking plummets it in my opinion. it feels anticlimactic like it was gonna be the climax but it failed. kinda like you save what you think is gonna be the best firework for last but turns out its a dud so now youre sitting their like 'well wtf was that'

3. when characters are actively being pressured by the cast to move on

like shut up, it takes the average person 4 years to grieve and then some. just because it was a really long time ago doesnt mean that it didnt hurt. chances are that it hurt A LOT. not to mention its usually like 'we/you cant do anything about it, move on from it' this is usually over traumatic experiences and im sorry but this just isnt healthy. not saying that you have to be stuck in that moment forever but you cant just go 'welp i couldnt do anything, sucks to suck buh-byeeee' like no, thats not how it works. you need to come to terms with what happened and what you did. not endlessly blame yourself or just say that it wasnt your fault even partially. thats not coming to terms with things thats denying the truth. never do this

4. when sad backstories supposedly make up for everything

suck it up. yeah no suck it up. you can have trauma from those experiences but it doesnt make up for what you did in the SLIGHTEST. its basically saying 'sir i only killed that man because my parents never loved me :((((' like honey there is no correlation. stop

5. unnecessary descriptions to describe a character. like when theyre lovesick, sure. thats FINE. but when youre just meeting them like slow your roll. im trying to process so many things at once already, i got the dialog their personality, what was currently going on in the scene. not to mention sometimes i dont like overly descriptive dialog because it takes away the room for imagination which kinda sucks because if i saw them wearing a skirt but now youre saying theyre wearing jeans it kinda fucks with my mind more

these are all just my opinion :)

[hinacu-arts]

Actually typing on my computer for once so I'm able to use the read more lol. I need you guys to tell me if you want this in

BBC - The Fic

which would either be as its own chapter or Casey reading it. Theres also the option of it becoming a short little companion story/fic, and im also considering writing a final battle deal but I'm not sure I want both in BBC. Here's the first part of it, I cant really write more until the actual fic is written unless I got more technical on the How Do We Solve This Problem line of convo.

Reminder that this is a group chat on all of 2012's phones, that's why their names are there. Debating on whether or not to change that. The first section is copy and pasted from the section that was in Chp 2. I tried to space it out like actual texting, but tumblr was fighting me so thats why there are random "."s in there

Key Donnie = in 1987 (the first TV show) Mikey = in 1990 (the first live action movies from 90,91, and 93) April = in 2003 (the second TV show) Leo = in 2007 (the CGI animated movie) Raph = in 2014 (the second live action movies from 2014 and 2016) Casey = in 2018 (rottmnt)

LEO: anyone copy?

.

APRIL: copy

.

RAPH: hallelujah. Get me out of this hell

.

LEO: not yet. Donnie says he needs a response by everyone before he can track your locations

LEO: hi other versions of us -Mikey

.

DONNIE: the tech i have to work with here is ancient i hate it. No computer needs to be this chunky

.

MIKEY: mikey is asleep but his phone is receiving -Donnie

.

CASEY: fucking finally. Do you know how many frequencies i had to try to get these messages to come in. not to mention how i had to pry the phone out of Leo's hands so i could take it apart

CASEY: anyways happy to report we haven't gotten him killed yet

CASEY: for the record he came to us bruised that was not our fault

APRIL: great. We can start narrowing down locations now -Don

CASEY: spoke too soon Casey found out about your Casey and she's demanding a fight to the death. Casey might be coming home in pieces

RAPH: wtf

CASEY: do you want him in a box or can i send him in a crate?

RAPH: wtf -Donnie

CASEY: youre right, if he's bleeding the blood will ooze out

.

MIKEY: wtf -everyone here

LEO: wtf -Donnie

DONNIE: i dont know to respond to this -both Donnies

RAPH: damn. put him in a cooler, those are water tight -April

RAPH: please do not listen to her and please dont let any maiming occur -Donnie

----------------------------------------------------------------------

RAPH: by any chance has anyone done the calculations for their own universe? I did ours a couple years ago and its Universe 2-0-1-4 -Donnie

DONNIE: Donnie says this universe is 1-9-8-7. Our home universe is 2-0-1-2

ARPIL: Don says this one is 2003

LEO: Donnie says this is Earth 2,007

RAPH: great. We just cut down a lot of time trying to figure that out. Now we just need to track and calculate your Mikey and Casey’s locations

APRIL: their Dons have probably already done the work themselves. @Mikey @Casey -Don

.

DONNIE: they aren’t answering. Either they can’t get to the computer or they’re sleeping. Lets just begin the math ourselves. Me and Donnie will get started on Mikey. Who wants to track Casey?

LEO: I’ve been collecting data the whole time, I’ll take Casey. The universe he landed in sounds hardcore, if that Donnie wasn’t exaggerating. Casey’s hardcore but we should get him out of there as soon as possible -Donnie

LEO: I think he’s somewhere between 2010 and 2030. Mikey might be in the 1990s -Donnie

RAPH: I don’t know about you guys, but interdimensional travel is not a norm here -Donnie

LEO: Same. Its happened before but I wasn’t prepared to collect data -Donnie

CASEY: @Leo close. We’re Universe 2-0-1-8. And inta-dimensional travel and inter-dimensional travel is a norm here, but not inter-universe travel

.

MIKEY: Donnie says this is universe 19 90

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

CASEY: lmao look at this touch starved fool [5 attachments: couchcuddling.png]

CASEY: I didn’t know humans could turn that red -Mike

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

CASEY: WHATS UP BITCHES NEON LEON IS HERE

CASEY: forgive my brother he is easily excitable -D

CASEY: SO I HEARD YOU NEED PORTAL HELP -L

CASEY: Leo I swear to pizza supreme I will take away your caps feature -D

CASEY: boo no fun. You know we could be in the same room and not have to confuse everyone with two people talking from the same server -L

CASEY: I knew giving you access would be a mistake -D

CASEY: Just send that update video you and Mikey put together for their Casey’s friends -D

CASEY: [attachment: weekoneupdate.mp4] thought you all might like proof of life since Donnie is a horrible texter. Don’t worry about that last part I took care of it. -L

APRIL: the video quality is all corrupted and the only sound I hear is the words “it’s a hard knock life for us” on repeat -Don

RAPH: why is Casey on fire?

CASEY: I told you I took care of it -L

CASEY: he was trying to show off -D

MIKEY: the file won’t download

CASEY: rip -L

CASEY: I will boot you -D

CASEY: but I want to say hi -Mike

CASEY: and Raph wants everyone to know that he’s trying his best to keep Casey alive but that Casey is giving him gray scales -Mike LEO: Can we agree to keep this chat for getting you all back home data and planning only? -Donnie

LEO: how on earth did you get Casey to agree to a spa day?

CASEY: we have girls night once every two weeks. He either had to join or vacate the premises -D

CASEY: he really enjoyed himself! -Mike

CASEY: anyways I agree lets keep this /emergency chat/ open for data and updates only. Hey Leo -D

CASEY: Yes? -L

CASEY: Adios bitch -D

-------- CASEY HAS BEEN BLOCKED FOR 24 HOURS --------

MIKEY: you can block people!?!?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

CASEY: [attachment: lakeprank.mp4]

RAPH: Donnie’s mad that wasn’t a emergency “im dying” video because he nearly had a heart attack when the whole lair alerted us but the rest of us are laughing so hard. Your April has a great reporter voice. RIP Casey Jones, for his dignity died today. -April

RAPH: also Donnie thinks its fascinating you all look so different/are different turtles. -April

.

LEO: I want to be mad because that also gave me a heart attack but that was funny af. Even through all the grainy quality -Donnie

DONNIE: well both us Donnies are pissed because the video can’t display on these ancient computers and we thought someone died since this is a /emergency/ chat

DONNIE: Leo when did you have the time to teach him 2010s text slang?

LEO: he’s standing next to me rn and telling me what to say -Donnie

.

CASEY: You are all the same turtle species? man your Draxums must be boring. At least ours has some class. Some finesse. Appreciates the art of presentation. What did yours do? Go to the pet store and buy the first four turtles he saw for his experiments? -L

APRIL: we don’t have a Draxum and April says her universe doesn’t either -Don

MIKEY: Never heard of the guy -Donnie

LEO: No draxum and we were never apart of any experiments.

CASEY: so you guys WERENT created through genetic engineering for the sole purpose of being a bioweapon/supersoliders meant to lead armies to wipe out humanity? -L

MIKEY: We were mutated on accident

RAPH: wtf

APRIL: I don’t know how to respond to this, but no we were not -Don

.

LEO: I told you their world was hardcore -Donnie

CASEY: really? Case Man says its pretty chill compared to his. Like he doesn’t have Run Of The Mill but he does have evil aliens so -L

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: cocsa, incest, SA

I don't remember much when I was much but I remember I did get groped by my brother around 10. Before that I used to get chronic uits as a child, I came across corn early on, I saw things around the house and on the computer and we both used to watch it. I've had dreams now as an adult that we engaged in certain stuff sexually but I don't seem to remember. I had a lot of inappropriate behaviour as a child and instead of asking I just got shamed for it and looked down upon, I even did things with my other brother which I ended up remembering and I feel so guilty. But with my older brother I felt way more attachment than normal, even jealousy which i found odd.

I had his laptop once and I was trying to find my file and ended up coming across his porn, it was full of step sis and sis content which shocked me after having those dreams, what I found even shocking was how similar the girls would look to me..

After that i remembered I ended up getting weirdly turned on and hyper, I felt like spiral for 3 days straight.

I also got sa at 11 by my neighbour. Theu didn't know, During this time I was acting inappropriate and my parents shamed me for it and said I'm disgusting, it was just me and a friend during school drawing and writing dicks n stuff. They banned me from watching my favourite shows because of it.

Another thing I had a dream of my dad, just once. I dont remember anything but when I was 14, I went to put food on table and he spanked my ass, so harshly. I do have a big ass and idk It felt really disgusting bc it wasn't gentle but it wasn't even a good touch in my head, just bad. Since then I feel awkward around him, he's commented a few times on me and my body. I know he has a thing for girls around my age bc he got obsessed once with this one in a show and yeah its wasn't nice but she's literally my age... I found he searched explicit scenes or pics of her once. Idk if he ever did anything with me bc I don't remember anything. But when he takes pics of me I do feel uncomfortable, because I know he's a perv and idk maybe he's thinking thoughts like that with me? I even tell him to delete and he never does.

I remember around 20 we had an argument over clothes, apparently i can't even wear simple things because of my body 🙃 and they mentioned well people will look and an uncle had commented on my body at 14. Saying how I'm pretty thick and how my body shows... I was covered btw because it was during a wedding. What my parents did instead of blame me, as I've always gotten blamed. To the point, I feel like I'm so disgusting and shameful. I hate how I get turned on when I shouldn't be, me getting hyper.

I just feel gaslight half of the time and what makes it worse is when it was during the school when me and a friend was writing about a male teacher as jokes, my mom switched up like 3 years ago saying I'm disgusting because I wrote that stuff about my own dad! Wtf! I can't believe she would even say that to me bc I'm very well aware of what is being wrote. I'm not even kidding when I say shes probably jealous of me at this point.

No one cared or bothered to know why I was acting like that at young, when I spoke sexual things n what not, what I came across, instead I get shamed, its my fault and I'm a horrible person. I hate how I always had to do something sexual in order to feel a release.

Hi anon.

I'm so sorry about what you went through.

It sounds like not only your brother but both your parents held attitudes that enabled sexual abuse, through victim-blaming, gaslighting, and excusing each other's behavior. It's possible that there may be a history of that, as they seem to normalize that kind of behavior.

It sounds like, as a result of your experiences, you may have developed what is known as hypersexuality, which for you has stirred up a lot of feelings of shame and disgust. Please know that it's quite common for assault survivors to experience hypersexuality.

None of what happened is your fault. You're not a horrible person. You're a survivor.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[ravenkinnie]

I really liked the nimona movie (mostly because I sometimes really really enjoy the turn off your brain movies and the characters were likeable enough) and a few themes spoke to me on a personal level HOWEVER that scene where the director kills the fake ambrosius was SOOO BAD FR!! I was watching it literally like wtf is going on in this house right now?

Overall it was a pretty stereotypical and predictable story. I honestly think without the queer characters it wouldn’t have blown up the way it did.

I think it would have worked better as a series so they could have fleshed out Nimona a lot more. The theme of loneliness/queerphobia and becoming a monster because other people didn’t give you a chance is pretty compelling on its own but the movie was way too short to deliver that on any level even close to atspv or arcane. (That said atspv did do it in a Movie so…)

That said I hope my one post where I called nimona, jinx, Gwen and toph (atla) lonely little trans girl didn’t contribute to your high expectations lol…though I’m almost sure you never saw that one 😂

Ok I’m done now. Sorry I just wanted to agree about the whole ambrosius scene but then I had more thoughts 😅

No need to answer (publically or at all) in case you dont want to invite any discourse

I would probably enjoy it more if I didn't find nimona so annoying and didn't have high expectations from people comparing it to spiderverse and stuff </3 i didn't see your post so you're safe but my mutuals who told me nimona wasn't an annoying child are on thin fucking ice

that scene was so bad me and my gf were sitting there silently just watching it because we couldn't believe this is what they chose to do like girl.... whole team and nobody watched this and said hey this is ass

I know it blew up because it's an animated movie with queer themes and people lole stevensons writing in general, plus the novel has a lot of fans but saying it's one of best animated movies of the year is being full on delulu like maybe if the last animated movie you watched was boss baby or sth. I know there was a lot of production issues so unsure what is the fault of that and what is just bad choices, I do think 2 hours would be perfectly fine to wrap up the storyline and themes they just chose to spend those two hours on dumb shit. it needed someone to tighten up the story and make it more coherent

[forestryfae]

holy fucking shit is it possible to get more self centered. holy shit.

stepmom called at like 22:30 the first time. didnt answer. clear sign to not fucking call again id say given most normal people are asleep by now. called again like ten minutes later and i thought well maybe its an emergency. surely shes not stupid enough to call twice in the evening around most peoples bedtime. <--- said by someone who was once called by her 7 times in half an hour and all they wanted was either a chat or they bought me a lamp at ikea idfr

nope. shes chatting away and shit asking where i am, whether i want to celebrate christmas with them, fully expecting me to let them help me when i move into an apartment.

first of all lmao wtf. im not asking them for fucking help moving my shit, if i did theyd go to sweden that exact day and be like "oh were in sweden right now but we can come by later :)" like they did when we asked them to maybe come help w the house. dad was tasked with contacting a lawyer for me once too, he promised hed do it he knew how horrible i had it and when we got to the meeting w my support team he told me he hadnt done it. 2 months i waited and he just hadnt bothered. btw i got really sick a few days later. fever, exhaustion, the whole thing.

and then shes like "it must be so nice to have your legal guardian and finally have someone who gets stuff done" yeah well dad was useless and mom was actively hindering me from talking to a lawyer and you and dad knew how bad it was but you didnt do shit to help so. thanks for that ig.

btw letting me stay for a week during christmas does not count. i really want to say im grateful but rn i dont feel grateful. im pissed. they knew how bad it was and did fucking nothing. i talked about how bad it was and they did nothing but try to talk down how bad it was, atleast dad. sure, stepmom defended me sometimes but having my dad say the shit he did and acting like it was no big deal living alone in a rotten cold house w two cats while i was severely depressed and utterly isolated and only helping if he felt like it. holy fucking shit. yeah dude atleast its getting taken care of i fuvking guess. being a parent doesnt stop when your kid turns 18 and if you marry a dude w kids you cant just. not talk to the kids if it doesnt suit you

and shes asking for all this info about where i am and so on and i just gotta lie. i dont wanna have to argue with a grown ass woman at nearly 11 pm and tell her i straight up dont want them to know cus theyve been utterly useless at all times except like. two times. dad fixed some electrics and i got to stay for christmas and thats it. ive been driven home after shopping sure but whose fucking fault is it i dont have a license? could unsupportive parents who offer to help but dont ever let me drive be part of the problem? could the lack of legal help and effort be a part of the problem?

and obvs im answering in single words and the occasional sentences cus im fucking annoyed and trying not to be rude but shes chatting away about shit she has no business knowing or getting involved in at almost 11 pm. so the call ends w her asking if im sad cus i "sound so sad" like no im not sad. tell her im not sad. she said something afterwards i dont remember but i did wind up saying that "well its kind of really late to call someone at 10:30 in the evening" and she starts. going on about how she just really missed me and missed talking to me and at this point internally im just fuming. she called that late at night just to chat? is she fucking stupid?

like its not bad enough the only times i ever get called is when theyre bored in the car and need entertainment so i have to sit there listening to my own voice echo out of their handsfree while the mic is garbling their voices so bad i can barely tell wtf theyre saying over the sound of traffic. and now shes calling in the middle of the night tol cus her emotional need is too important to let people sleep

[moon-mage]

Just some venting about being a working adult because I have no other outlet feel free to ignore! :3

why WHY DID YOU IDIOT HIRE ME WHEN Y'ALL DONT HAVE YOUR OWN SHIT TOGETHER WHAT THE HELL

these assholes had the NERVE to hire me and after that tell me the doctor will be out for a month so I wont be starting until a month later which I was like okay, sure! And my nice ass didn't see the red flag and was actually honestly excited to start this job and kill it but the first day I'm sitting there like a lump because no one had my passwords to access anything and there's no patients because the doctor is out. There's no use teaching me anything when there's not even patients and I cant access the systems....oh yeah and there was no desk for me to sit. I was the fourth hire and they had no space for me. Not even an extra laptop to use which is very common as an MA anyway. So like what The next day its so fucking busy no one has time to even break it all down for me. So I'm just following and smiling like wtf. Oh yeah and the trainer is not also the daughter of one of my mom's friends she's the most crabby and grouchy person EVEERRRRR. So shes just spending most of the time talking shit on the other MAs and low key quizzing me to see if I know my shit. Oh and I got my logins now. Day three is hell incarnated because they had my trainer going to another site so I'm with only one of the MAs that work there while two are there from another site and its OVERWHEMLING because they think because I have my logins that I know exactly what to say and do and I'm like whAT??? and I already have a perfectionist personality so even though I know this ain't my fault, I still feel like a failure for not grasping everything in DAY THREE. I literally had to excuse myself to go outside and cool off because I was PISSED. That's never happened in a NEW FUCKING JOB WHAT THE HELL. Fourth day is still as hectic and crazy with no fucking direction because the trainer was busy and yatta yatta...and I'm like....brah this ain't fucking SHIT. Then trainer is like 'yeah I have two weeks to train you' and I'm like...COOL. Considering you have yet to truly train me on DAY FOUR. I refuse to put my energy into an already established mess that seems to want to make itself messier. I have spent most of my career coming into messes and tidying them up and now....I don't wanna anymore. Fuck that. I don't have the patience for it anymore...but I guess that's what happens after going through a the most deep depressive episode of my entire life. At first I felt guilty like I can't handle it...but I actually sat down and evaluated this and went wait...IM NOT THE WRONG ONE HERE. IT'S THEM. THEY'RE FUCKED!!!!

im pissed I wasted valuable time and I'm pissed I was excited to work for them but there's nothing I can do but move on. I need money but I also need my fucking sanity...because I woke up dreading it...how do you wake up dreading the FOURTH DAY OF WORK? kjdsnkdsnkdskjndskn what the hell man. Working ain't fucking shit.

yatta yatta one door closes another one opens my I guess

[bjiru]

Im sorry your feeling so conflicted about stuff, thats hard when you want so badly to not be what you once where. I think everybody can relate to that. Im not sure if this is good advice or not, but this is how i approach being online, Its completely ok to ignore people, take group ".b", talk to them as YOU want to, its not mean to not respond to people, theres nothing that says you HAVE TO be online and talk to people at all when using your computer. I do the same thing with even group ".a" sometimes. using a computer can feel like constantly being at a work office or somewhere where anyone can talk to you. but it isn't. you wouldnt demand the attention of someone taking a scenic walk through a park, or in the kitchen cooking some eggs. same goes for being on a computer, sometimes i just close off discord and any msging apps, and just do my own thing. and thats ok. I know that can be very hard to balance with how you've acted in the past though too. So talk to ".b" people as you want to, and dont when you dont, as for group ".c" never feel bad about this one. People scream into the void. they msg big people they look up to looking for a response, because they find them cool and look up to them, they are not expecting a response back, sometimes people msg a thousand different things just cause. they know they're one in thousands of msgs that get sent and dont expect anything back. they just send msgs for fun or just in case the artist or figure will see it. Your not mean for not devoting thousands of hours to responding to all this. Dont ever feel bad about that. and if someone trys to blame you for something terrible do, that is not your fault. that is never your fault. if I dm'd mr beast rn and said "hey im going to press this button that blows up my house now." and then went back and said "wtf man why'd you let me press that button now my house is fucking blown up wtf man" would it be mr beasts fault?? no i dont fucking know mr beast. and even if i did, even if i was best friends with mr beast, it still wouldnt be his fault. im sorry im going off topic.

Again I'm obviously in a completely different situation to you, and I may take things a lot different and none of this advice may be good advice but I hope it helps in some way, Being "Online" is hard. and its especially hard when you want so badly to not be how you once were. But just know your not an asshole for not responding to people. your not "ignoring" them like if it was real life, your just not responding. and thats normal and thats absolutly needed and required when you have so many people msging you sometimes. Use your time how you and only you want to use it. I hope you figure it out and find a way to be happy with your online"ness" <3 :3

or idk. XP

*i put this in a reblog also, I hope thats the right place, i dont really know how tumblr works

parasocial2, or, the complications of my social anxiety + growing self + motivation & stress management amidst all these things.

a while ago i wrote on here about parasocial relationships and things of the sort. it was an unorganized ramble, and so this will be also.

Growing Self

something i have to live with is that in my past, i have been an excruciatingly unbearable, egomaniacal cunt. honestly i still have anger issues sometimes. and a lot of the time i take everything EXTREMELY personally. but at least i understand these things about myself better now.

i have a hard time pushing people away or giving space to myself because sometimes i feel like i owe everyone my personal space. like i don't deserve personal space because of how much of a massive bitch i've been; the baggage i've created for myself and the pain i've inflicted on other ppl means that i should have to sell my personal space out to everyone and anyone who asks for it, avoiding risk of being seen as an asshole for pushing people away and asking for space alone.

and yet i find it hard to do anything sometimes. i will wake up to 400 notifications of people asking me high executive or personal questions, needing my help or opinion with something, trying to show me something that i don't have the energy to respond to, and stuff. because of this thing i am and live with, i continue to feel like i have to spend a lot of time trying to figure out something meaningful to say. it takes so much time and willpower and by the end of it i just don't feel like doing anything anymore. it kills my ability to work or go do things or go outside or talk to anyone i actually want to talk to.

it sucks. because there are (a.) a handful of people i could probably talk to every day and it's fine; there are maybe like 15-20 people who fit this category. there is another (b.) sect of people, a very large amount of people, who i can handle speaking to occasionally. then there are (c.) people who i don't know, don't want to know, or used to know. i've labeled them accordingly.

B.

with the people in group ".b", ppl i can only rlly talk to occasionally, it's hard because usually these people are friends or acquaintances and i enjoy the company of sometimes and i can find something to talk about with sometimes. however, usually i do not have the energy to talk to them. i often have a status indicator on my discord, for example, stating that i only want to speak to people i have business with or are very close friends. people in group ".b" tend to be the first and most frequent trespassers of this request. it's very hard to disengage with these conversations or messages because i don't want to hurt their feelings, and it's not like i dislike these people. but a very very very VERY large percentage of people i think don't actually understand how i am.

i have always been someone who values being alone. of course, i couldn't live in isolation i think. but i've always valued just being by myself. i go out most places alone and i will often not participate in any social activity for days, weeks at a time. i think the best when i'm alone and i usually start thinking the most creatively when i'm alone.

so to people in group ".b", it's hard to really establish: "I want to be alone most of the time, don't talk to me", without it seeming like a negative thing. it's not that i don't care or that i dislike these people. i just get overwhelmed and sensory overload easily. and when i'm waking up to over a hundred messages, i don't feel extremely motivated to find the energy. i find it hard to ask for that, especially because of how it can be perceived negatively in light of how toxic i have been in the past as well. idk.

C.

but then there are people in group ".c". people i don't know. people i don't want to know. and people i used to know. that's kind of broad. but they all feel the same to me. this is where it's less about social anxiety and more about perceiving the parasocial construct in front of me.

something i struggle with, among all other things, is why? why constantly vie for the attention of someone who doesn't want to talk to you. what joy is there in seeking a one-sided relationship? it confuses me profoundly. if i speak to someone and they don't return the same enthusiasm or level of interaction, i just leave them alone after that. i'm not going to try and be friends with someone who has other things to do and other friends to be with. so why is it that it feels constantly like there are people who want to call me their 'friend' and want to seek out a connection with me when i'm not reciprocating that in any way. i especially don't feel like the most unique, interesting person in the world. if i'm not interested in connecting, i'm sure there are way more interesting people than me to even talk to. so why does it have to be me? i'm just a person.

anyway. it gets very difficult to disengage with people in group ".c". again, part of it is because i'm overly aware of how i can come across, especially given my past toxicity. however, with these people it gets much more complicated. often i find that the people who form parasocial interests in me also happen to be people who a predisposition to hurt themselves and sometimes those around them. i still struggle with the trauma of someone who faked their suicide and blamed me for just not talking to them even though i didn't know them at all. so not only do i feel the need to delicately balance not upsetting people in group ".c" because they may guilt trip me over what i've grown out of, i'm also afraid of them hurting themselves or hurting other people.

to the people who aren't in the extreme ends of that. it's still difficult because a lot of the times i will openly express my social (or lack thereof) needs very transparently. and they will still continue to try and reach me. i don't really know what else to do, because if i block them it will seem so much more drastic and upsetting, because the people in this group tend to not want to think in any neutral or balanced sense.

there are people who i have ignored the messages of for quite literally several years. and they will still message me consistently as if unreciprocated message 70 is going to prompt me to finally respond.

There is No Middle Horse

I do everything. I write, compose, arrange, perform (vocals and instruments), produce, mix, and master all of my music.

I do all my management. There is nobody who manages for me.

I do all of the utility work that comes with being a public musician entity.

There is no middle horse.

And I will not compromise that just to solve these parasocial and social anxiety issues.

still i feel the need to either deal with or humour every whim of people in group ".b" and group ".c", just to avoid coming off as an asshole and to avoid people hurting themselves and others. i don't really know how to solve this honestly. other than just ignoring people or communicating my needs openly, i don't see any other route.

the fact remains that i have been a cunt in the past. i have been extremely toxic and caustic. therefore, i see that part of myself when i consider blocking someone or desiring to make my needs clear and my boundaries transparent. dunno.

i'm extremely tired. and my energy is sucked out by people in groups ".b" and ".c". to the point where i never get to hang out with people in groups ".a" much anymore, the people i really really want to be around and talk to. i want to have energy to actually talk to my friends. but i don't. i'm busy selling my soul i think.

i am slightly antisocial. but mostly i'm tired and like being on my own.

honestly i'd like to know what other people think. and i am in therapy for this and many other things now. but it helps to know what other people think anyway.

sorry this sucks!

[pixie-was-writing]

okay fine ive seen so much encanto content that i NEED to share my bit

OKAYYY fanfic idea because camilo needs more screentime!!!!!!!!!! give me my boy!!!!!!! i think him and mirabel would be just, SUCH A FUN DUO so heres this :D

itd be one of those BIG aus where it follows the whole story but with a Different element yk? its just me having camilo brainrot,

so imagine,, a little bit before when mirabel calls everyone out and is like "ayo casita is no bueno!!!!" camlio happened to be replicating dolores for no reason in antonio's room (in this au he can replicate powers as well :]!) and the problem when he shifts into dolores is that her power is super overwhelming to take on ESPECIALLY in this setting- honestly it was a mistake to even do it at a huge party- the way he learned to deal with it before is to focus on one specific sound and then ground himself in it. the sound he focused on this time ~happened~ to be mirabel's footsteps outside.

him hearing them clearly made him b like "wtf is mirabel doing out there???" so he creeps out of the party as well to investigate (its very easy for him, hes particularly stealthy) and hears her monologuing (instead of singing, LOL, "I can't move mountains or make flowers grow- I'm always waiting on miracles but they never seem to come-" yada yada idk something like that) but hides himself so hes just onlooking.

this also means he witnesses casita's little hiccup (LMAO) with her and sees the cracks with his own eyes, and then when everyone rushes outside bc mirabel called them out there, he blends in with the crowd to pretend he's just as shocked n shit and has been inside the whole time.

everything continues as normal (following the movie) until, when mirabel is in her bed twisting and turning, he bursts in like "OKAY DONT BE MAD BUT I WAS SPYING ON YOU." and shes like "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" and hes like "I SAW THE CRACKS IN CASITA AND I HEARD WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT TO YOURSELF BUT WE CAN UNPACK THAT LATER" and shes like "OH FUCK OKAY I PROMISE THAT WASNT MY FAULT" and hes like "ITS OKAY I KNOW I SAW THE SAME THING YOU DID- ANYWAY IM HERE TO HELP YOU SAVE THE MAGIC" and shes like "WAIT REALLY?!" and hes like "YUP!!" and then the whole thing would be the chronicles of them saving the miracle! together! because camilo deserves more screen time!! :D

[cheerstotheelites-if]

Group Chat

1v. Pets

*ZephGoWoosh sent a photo

-> the picture is of a Siamese cat sleeping in a cat bed with a dark green collar around its neck and tucked in under a small fuzzy blanket <-

ZephGoWoosh: look at my baby Sashimi 😍😍

ZephGoWoosh: HE!!! 🥰🥰🥰

F.Heartstein: I didn't know you owned a Siamese, Zephyrine.

ZephGoWoosh: YOU DIDN'T KNOW??? 😦😦😦

F.Heartstein: I clearly stated that I didn't.

ZephGoWoosh: HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK??

ZephGoWoosh: HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW ABOUT MY BABY!! 😡😡

F.Heartstein: What.

WtfEliseo: lmao chill zeph

WtfEliseo: fleur doesnt have one so she doesnt know what having a pet is like

F.Heartstein: Tell that to your parrot.

WtfEliseo: fuck you for stealing nicotine away from me

F.Heartstein: It's not my fault that your parrot likes me better than you. I just happen to show it more affection.

WtfEliseo: I SHOW NICOTINE AFFECTION WHAT DO YOU MEAN HEARTSTEIN

F.Heartstein: Mhm, right. Poor thing told me that you're not feeding him properly.

WtfEliseo: THAT BIRD BASTARD IS LYING AND HE KNOWS IT

WtfEliseo: NICOTINE'S JUST TRYING TO GET YOU TO SPOIL HIM

F.Heartstein: No wonder he hates you. You're a cruel man, Eliseo.

ZephGoWoosh: the utter betrayal of your pet birb loving your ex instead lmaooo 😭✋

ZephGoWoosh: Eliseo's the worst pet owner confirmed no need for receipts everyone 😔😔😔

WtfEliseo: 😒🖕

ZephGoWoosh: 😘🖕

PapaWeylyn: Dang you guys are lucky for having pets ;w;

PapaWeylyn: I always wanted to own a pug but ma's allergic to dogs sadly TwT

ZephGoWoosh: ah yes the flabby potato dog

ZephGoWoosh: i mean they look stupid that its adorable so i cant help but agree with you Weywey 😔👌

PapaWeylyn: Their happy faces are what drew me in to them

PapaWeylyn: I want to hug one so bad! ≧﹏≦

WtfEliseo: bruh I was expecting that youll want to own a bloodhound or smth

WtfEliseo: but a pug tho?? Fr?

PapaWeylyn: Hey no one's judging why you own a parrot Eliseo ￣ˍ￣

F.Heartstein: I am, because his parrot doesn't even like him. Why even get a pet if you can't even get it to like you?

ZephGoWoosh: oof right in the nutsack

WtfEliseo: stfu yall dont know nicotine like I do 😒😒

PapaWeylyn: Eliseo Nicotine literally hates you and only you

PapaWeylyn: He's nice to me and Zeph when we visited you lastweek

WtfEliseo: tf

WtfEliseo: I literally feed and house the guy wtf

ZephGoWoosh: tfw you're in a toxic relationship with your pet 😭😭😭✋

ZephGoWoosh: bitches be getting gaslit and mistreated today by a birb

F.Heartstein: Imagine losing your agency to a bird. Just imagine it. You lost your will to a creature that's as big as your foot and has a lower IQ than you. You submit your everything... to a fucking bird.

PapaWeylyn: I can feel like youre disappointed in him

F.Heartstein: This isn't my first time.

PapaWeylyn: OH

ZephGoWoosh: HDBDUSBSUSJAUWVDHDHSBS FLEUR 💀💀💀

WtfEliseo: WOOOOOOOOOOW

WtfEliseo: BITCH I LOOKED AWAY FOR TWO SECONDS AND THIS IS WHAT I COME BACK TO?

WtfEliseo: I didnt come here to be disrespected about my old love life and pet owner life wtf guys 😒😒😒

PapaWeylyn: Eliseo

WtfEliseo: what

PapaWeylyn: You already dug your grave when you teased Fleur earlier

PapaWeylyn: I think you're getting what you deserved

WtfEliseo: NOT YOU TOO WEYLYN WTF

WtfEliseo: BRO I THOUGHT WE BESTIES

WtfEliseo: WHY YOU GOTTA BETRAY ME LIKE THAT?

PapaWeylyn: I'M JUST BEING HONEST I'M SORRY

ZephGoWoosh: USBDUSBSUSDB I CANT BREATH

ZephGoWoosh: YOU DIDNT HAVE TO GO SO HARD ON HIM WEYWEY 😭😭😭✋✋

PapaWeylyn: I WAS JUST SAYING WHAT I THOUGHT IS HAPPENING

WtfEliseo: yall making me feel like a clown here 🤡

WtfEliseo: getting betrayed not only by my parrot but also by my homie too 🤡🤡🤡

PapaWeylyn: I SAID I WAS SORRY ELISEO 〒▽〒

WtfEliseo: SORRY MY ASS

F.Heartstein: For fuck's sake. If you three start screaming like this in our offline meetings, I will choke each of you until you can't breathe.

WtfEliseo: kinda kinky for you to say that fleur 😏😏😏

*WtfEliseo was kicked off the group

*Group Chat ended