#and its depressing as fuck cuz i have no friends
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
2024 please have mercy on me, 2023 fucked me up BAD
#it is currently 9:30 pm and with how things are going at the moment i think 2024 is going to be shitty#it feels like 2024 is going to pick me up by the ankles and swing me around and throw me in a dumpster filled with piss lit on fire#well...2024 cant dissapoint me if i expect it to be the worst year of my life#also my birthday is on the 2nd :D#and its depressing as fuck cuz i have no friends#the o ly people coming are my parents my brother my brothers gf and my brothers friend#but its gonna be fun
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
people who dislike saiki kusuo i need to pick and prod at ur brain. whats going on in there?
#this is half joking but not really#i think you just cant read and thats okay<3#'hes a dick to everyone' LITERALLY TELL ME HOW#cuz the entire manga is about him pushing everyone away because he doesnt think hes supposed to have friends#which he thinks because of past experiences that have literally only proved him right#and they show him kindness and make him realize its fucking okay and he deserves to have friends#so please explain why him self sabotaging and pushing people away by being like at most mildly rude (ONLY WHEN PROVOKED MIGHT I ADD)-#makes him an asshole ???#anyone who thinks like this i feel like youre those people on twitter who r like 'u should never vent to ur friends or be there for them'#LIKE THATS U RN😭😭#idk how to explain it but i think its exactly the same#depressed guy has a tough time showing affection and u go 'well he doesnt deserve his friends actually'#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
bruh I finally get over my debilitating anxiety about donating to gaza related fundraisers because theres so many ppl that need help and idk where to begin and i never feel like my money is helping at all and the
fucking website won't load 8D
#and im having a really serious convo with a friend aboput like....life and capitalism-facilitated existential dread#while watching funney minecraft video#like im a bit buzzed sorry but what the fuck is going on here.#bruh I gotta do the DISHES#BRUH I HAVE WORK TMR#i had to tell my friend 'hey this isn't helping me at all actually its really depressing me' I feel like im dying. ok#cuz she's like 'well thats just the name of the game and we gotta do our best to survive!!!' and im like 3 seconds away from telling her im#fucking depressed and want to die#wow ok lets see#alcohol#how do I fuckingtag the#oh#suicidal ideation#i know thats a really strong phrase#but like just to be sure#folks im fine this is just like. uh#personable#oh god she replied#fun fact we follow each other on here and im under the impression she hasn't been on tumblr since forever but literally maybe shes just lur#-king and can see all this idek#maybe she knows im an it/its furry with a masc name online looooool#i feel like we're soooo close to getting into a fight rn and thats scary bro shes my oldest friend we've never fucking fought before
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
god i hate my damn school 😭
#vicki's shit#like they find EVERY fucking reason to torture me its insane#and like make fun of my parents and my family#LIKE HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY FAMILY??#who are you to comment on that?#“she's only here cuz she has good grades and plays instruments” yes. yes i am#HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING THE VIOLIN FOR 7 SEVEN FUCKING YEARS? HAVE YOU PATRICK??! DIDNT' THINK SO!#like im so sick and tired of adhering to the expectations that society has of me#like i will ALWAYS be the lonely depressed girl that doesn't wear makeup much and#doesn't have the money or the desire to buy chanel or whatever fucking brand and#has puffy hair and listens to weird music and doesn't have friends#like i have friends i think i have a really close one#but idk anymore#we used to be rly close- now they're slowly turning into one of THOSE girls and is invited to the parties i'm never invited to </3#its just hurts yknow?#it hurts knowing you'll never be like them#cuz it feels nice to be wanted#and i'm not.#anyways sry lmao#no ones gonna fucking read this lol#if you're here reading this thanks <3 and i love you
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
heheh friends :)
#no seriously nothing like spending time and hanging out w friends alskdjfalskjh i feel so much joy#we were sending one of the other students off cuz he completed all his training and stuff so big celebration#it was a lot of fun honestly!! i really wanted to do a little get together so we could all just hang out#we also got ice cream after ;; v;; (they had weird flavors!!!! habby)#it was a nice time i guess i just needed to stop being a hermit in my depression LAKSJDAFLKSFH#friends tag#depression: nooooo you cant hang out w friends youre gonna be a bother!!!!! stooooop#today: :)#snow speaks#anyways its been a good night#except now i realize im like 20 x more of a nerd than i thought before#literally everyone else slacked off for this rotation and im out here stressing and anxious like T _ T yall couldve told me i couldve been#in on it alksdjfhalskjh yall....#and now. i have to make myself study. or attempt to#asdlafkjsdh basically! ride the high#but as soon as the shower happens im going nightnight#fuck around and play honkai some more ig LMAO
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
mothers will be like something is wrong with you until you want therapy and then its just all because youre a lazy teenage bum
#.txt#ive been borderline suicidal every few days . ive been too depressed for personal hygiene half the time . ive been a fucking mess .#but no its cuz i dont exercise and i dont walk the dog and i dont do enough bc why dont i do sports why dont i make friends#i have plenty friends but she seems to only care about the ones that wouldnt mind if i got killed in front of them lol !!!#christ i should. draw . or do my homework .#amia.txt
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think I worked too hard for too long trying to fix things with my mom and it kept breaking me down the way it always did and now I feel like a shell of a person because it was a waste it was a waste to hollow myself out and show her the viscera I'm made of and keep hoping keep hoping she'll find something beautiful in it someday
strangers love me better
#I'm gonna make an instagram soon finally so I can keep in touch with irl and internet friends#just like there are people I think it would be cool to know me as more than this scared hermit hiding behind Mikey's name lol#im fucking angry that no one ever told me who told purchase admin about my suicidal ideation. i hate the not knowing and that was my first#realization I'm not safe anywhere I am not truly anonymous anywhere#i think it was heather. i think i should ask her.#i think i am angry for the kindness of that treaturous time because things are still treaturous and i do not have a group of friends that#will save me and help me move because there is no where to move to#and now i dont have any friends#DELETE LATER#i am in my feelings cuz i got rejected from a job whatever whatever!#if you made it this far. holy shit. annette will not leave my side.#i worry she is feeling my depression#its nice to always wake up with her next to me
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#diary#personal#i was gonna journal but im far too tired now and i cant.#so instea imma ramble here.#anyways. i was thinking lately how as i got earlier i sorta would just. cut off parts of myself.#like. id observe everyone around me. figure out what was socially acceptable. and remove what wasnt.#sometimes... people would say little things. and i work very very hard to to fix that about myself.#like. if i dont understand humor. i worked REALLY hard so i could. and so i could figure out how to joke and talk with others.#and god. anytime i make friends i try REALLY FUCKING HARD to make sure i like. do their activities that theh like.#i just sorta hope that i can have friends that way. if they like cars well now i do. if they like computers now i do. etc.#and like. i used to try hard to keep up with pop culture shit so i could feel included. cuz otherwise id be left out.#honeslty all of elemetry school i remember trying so hard to fit in and it really made me feel like i lost myself in it all.#i remember in high school a lot of this came to a head and i sorta just. felt lost a lot.#i like. feel a lot better now. i dont do things i dont wanna. i dont try so hard to blend in. but its still really hard sometimes.#i remember. i used to always have to ask what people mean. what a joke was about. i felt excluded from things a lot.#i sorta. gave up on friends in like. grade 7-8ish. i was also sorta depressed. so id just. watch people#and in the winter. id sometimes walk around in little circles and make patterns in the snow. recess wasnt long enough tho#i remember in grade 3 when i sorta became the token loner id just. walk around aimlessly at school.#it was sad being excluded but i really learned to enjoy it to. to really feel the wind. to listen to the sounds. to feel present#i love the swings. still do. might be why i rock so much now? ive always just loved throwing my body around violently.#it honestly makes me really sad now bc it hurts now. i cant move in ways that are fun anymore.#i can rock tho. and i do a lot. yknow i saw a girl(?) on the bus the other day rocking#it was so... strange to see it from the outside. i wonder if thats what i look like now that i think about it.#it was distressing tho bc they seemed upset. bc thats how i rock when upset. just. very regimented.#theyd stop abruptly. then continue. i could really only see myself in that. i wanted to ask if they were okay but...#i felt that it could potentially cause more stress. besides. idk if theyre autistic or whatnot. it could be invasive. i hope they were okay#mn. i sorta wish i had never just. cut away at myself. removing what i deemed garbage.#im... so much different from the way i portay myself sometimes.#i love looking at things. just. staring at stuff. watching people. and. when im with others i remove that.#when i work i have to remove the fun from things. and that sucks.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
some other feeling to see it written down that disrupting healing + excessive scratching/picking at skin counts as self harm
#talkin tag#what about biting mr doctor? how do i get my friends to be concerned about my biting too mr doctor?#we have a problem re: self harming cuz like. we arent brave enough to cut . we've tried#we tried age 13 (thankfully we didnt do it then. cuz we were pointing blades at the Inside of our wrists)#(like. that wouldve been SOOO bad we wouldve lost so much blood so quick)#but we just ran a razor across our knee yesterday and didnt cut but ohhhh the urge was THERE#currently experimenting w hair tie on wrist and flicking it every so often#otherwise the biting was good. we're also Excessively biting at our lips#feels a BIT pathetic ngl. like . such a failure u cant even self harm properly#i worry though that 5 years ago it was serious and now its more serious and in 5 years does that mean we actually Do something#see this is why we need to get help. like real actual help#fuck man. self introspection can only go so far#people who arent depressed dont spend hours looking through anti suicide websites watching videos reading articles#dont search up how to cut safely dont genuinely in earnest hold blades to their skin#and nobody TALKS ABOUT IT. we're all fooling around about wanting to die but if the train came would i move?#yeah. i mean. yeah. of course. would i want to?#now there's a damn question.#we're all fooling about saying we shouldn't talk about killing ourselves but can we please be serious for FIVE minutes#because i actually want to kill myself and i dont know who to tell or how to tell it#tw suicidal ideation#tw sui talk
0 notes
Text
.
#like i definitely need therapy lol#not that i havent tried in the past nothings just worked/stuck like the therapists werent a good fit for me perhaps#so im trying to reach out again because holy shit#i want to a) get out of my phd and b) have normal fucking friendships#but its so hard right now when anxious thoughts take over SO much some days like i know i cannot do this on my own#i have good friends i know who will hear me out#but man its the same thing over and over again with me but in a new font sometimes i swear#and my friends dont need to hear all those anxious depressive thoughts lol like#once in a while sure esp my closer friends but all the time? nawr#i have been trying to journal but man the emotions just bubble up and i dont feel better until ive like said things out loud#so honestly just having someone to rant about the same issues over and over again might be nice lol .#but i need to find a therapist that fits which is the hardest part#i do think ive made small strides on my own which is nice#but the emotions are just so loud and genuinely affect my day to day like its so hard battling things on my own#im at the point now where im like this cant go on for much longer somethings gotta change#if i want to have a phd in the next year and if i want to maintain friendships normally#and esp if i wanna stay roommates with this girlie cuz holy shit its been a lot harder than i expected maybe#i dont think i can do it on my own without major reprecussions#bro its also been like so long#i feel like ive always had some human i was extremely fond of for the past ?? years albeit most of them were like fake right like in the kp#*kpop world so it was fine when it becomes a real person it is absolutely terrible let me tell u .#but its also been a habit like i didnt realize how terrible my thoughts w ys were until now cuz they really wernet normal thoughts at all#like i want to break free of having these kind of attachments to people in a way cuz the only way i feel like ive been able to deal with bi#feelings is by transferring them to a new subject which isnt what i want anymore#like i just want it all to stop!#i also feel like mentally ive gotten worse ?? than before ?? in some ways like#i dont know if i want to make new friends and connections anymore#the same way i was trying so hard in the previous year which is worse bc now my efforts are like#SOLELY on this one girl in a way which is NOT. GOOD.#ive been trying to have conversations with the third roommate but i have to force myself?
0 notes
Text
,
#i went looking for something in old chat logs the other day and ended up reading a ton of messages from a couple years ago#and its got me p fucked up cuz like#i seemed so much happier two years ago#had emotions and could carry a conversation with my friends and felt comfortable starting them too#even openly talked about my life without having to be asked#it probably wasnt as perfect as that but still it was kinda really startling#and i didn't even really notice myself changing idk what happened#i dont know this is probably weird and stupid idk#or just winter depression bullshit or something#but i just cant get it all out of my head still
0 notes
Text
Like A Prayer (Part 4)
summary: best friends with wade you’re always being dragged into something even when he’s not trying to, what are you to do when you find the fate of your timeline in the hands of yourself, your chaotic merc and an angry wolverine who’s hellbent on drinking himself to death?
content warning: romance, some angst, a little fluff, character deaths, canon-typical violence, smut, lots of cussing, mutual pining, found family, drug and alcohol use, reader insert but with no use of y/n cuz I hate that shit, deadpool being deadpool, mentions of poor mental health (depression anxiety and ptsd mostly), scent marking, the honda odyssey scene needs a warning all on its own MINORS DNI
a/n: edited by the ever so lovely karmiccc on ao3! Comments and criticisms are welcome!
tag list: sorry if you weren’t tagged I tried tagging everyone that asked but some usernames didn’t work! @allmyn1ghts @blooket-scares-me @amararosesblog @talanyra @spideybv28 @sadslasher13 @night-spectrum @eveieforeve02
Previous Chapter//Next Chapter
On Your Left Babygirl
Wade watches from the corner of his eye as your feet drag behind you, the now limp Wolverine was pressing his full mass into the two of you, and you were clearly struggling with the newly added weight.
“One Anchor Being coming right up, on your left, baby girl!”
“This Logan has everything! He can do pretty much anything the old model could plus he even sings musicals! And he’s actually wearing a costume like he’s not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once!”
“I don’t understand.”
“You said my universe is dying, because this sad sack of nuts got himself killed. Well, problem solved!”
“Y-you actually think you can replace an Anchor Being with this?” Paradox says between laughs pointing at Wolverine still on the floor. “I wouldn’t have accepted any other Wolverine bee tee dubs, but you’ve brought me the absolute worst Wolverine there is!
“What do you mean the worst one?” Wade asked, walking closer to Paradox.
Just as Wade was less than an arm’s length away from Paradox, you saw the off brand Mr. Darcy reachout and grab something behind his back. You jump forward placing yourself in between the two men just as Paradox drew his weapon.
“Wade watch-!” You don’t get to finish your sentence as Wade watches in absolute horror as you disintegrate into nothing in front of him.
Wade falls to his knees as if trying to catch your particles that were still floating about in the air before disappearing entirely.
The distinct snikt of Wolverine unleashing his claws breaks Wade out of his trance as he watches the Wolverine, now back on his feet, lunge for Paradox with his claws in pure rage before disappearing too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logan groans as he sits up, cracking his neck back into place. He raises a hand to shield his face from the harsh rays of the sun above him as he lets out a sharp hiss from the incoming headache he was starting to get from the combination of the fall and all the alcohol he drank earlier.
Barely starting to sober up, he looks around himself with a grunt as he stands, taking in the environment around himself.
If he had to guess he’d had no idea where the fuck he was. The scene around him was dry and arid like a desert, only this one didn’t seem familiar to him at all. There was all kinds of trash and debris around him like it had been dumped here and forgotten. Taking in a few greedy inhales, Logan scented the air, coming back with only faint traces of smoke, dirt and something else, something sweet and fresh and familiar but still different at the same time.
Turning his head to follow the source of the smell Logan spots you, laid out face first on the ground. He walks up to you apprehensively, not knowing if he could trust you or not but as he approaches he realizes you’re out cold.
Getting a closer look at you now he’s able to take in your features up close. If you were a shapeshifter of some kind like he previously thought, you were a hell of a good one. At first glance you looked just like her, the same hair and big doe eyes that used to look up at him. You were even dressed the same way.
Squatting down to your level Logan’s able to get a much better whiff of you from here. There’s no mistaking a scent, even when Morph and Mystique used to try and trick him back in the day but it never worked because they could never change their smell.
There was no doubt about it, the smell was definitely yours. Shamefully Logan found his eyes wandering down your frame slowly as he drank you in, eyes lingering on your ass for a few seconds before turning you over onto your back, and God, even your face was the same. The longer he looked at you the more he realized you really were her. Only, you had less pronounced smile lines, and were less muscular, having probably only known peace in your life, you had appeared more softer than she had been. Just as his gloved hand was a breath away from caressing your cheek, he’s ripped from his inspection by the sound of something heavy hitting the ground behind him.
Standing to his feet, he looks back at you one last time before looking at the disfigured body of the guy in red from before as his bones snap back into place. He sniffs the air again, realizing the man that had just fallen from the sky. He smelled absolutely rancid to him, stinking of blood, gunpowder and a distinct sickly cancerous smell.
Definitely a threat. Logan concludes as he starts to walk up to him.
Wade coughs as he rolls over onto his back, looking down between his legs as Wolverine walked up to him, stopping right as his feet, “Don’t just stand there, you big ape. Give me a hand!”
Wolverine stared down at him, his hazel eyes swirling with contempt and silent fury as he unsheathed his claws.
“No, I’m actually okay, thank you,” Wade barely finishes his sentence before he’s being stabbed through both his sides, letting out a sharp curse as Logan hoists him in the air like a kebab.
“Where the hell are we?!” He demands.
“I don’t know! It all looks kinda Mad Maxy but that would be copyright infringement, wouldn’t it?!” Wade cries out as Wolverine harshly drops him to the ground.
“Fucking jokes,” Logan scoffs before turning his back to him, walking towards your still unconscious form.
“Hey hey! You stay away from my pookie bear, you hear me?” Wade warns as he cocks his gun pointing it at the back of Wolverine’s head.
“Or what?” He dared the man to continue.
Wade lowers his gun as he realizes how fast the situation was starting to escalate, his eyes dart back and forth between you and the very ready to rip his guts out Wolverine before he curses to himself. After putting his gun away, Wade raises his hands up in the air as a way to appease Logan as he began to warily approach him.
“Look, we don't have time for this alright? If we don’t make it back to that Paradox asshole. Everyone I know is going to die,” Wade starts to explain the situation to him but Logan rolls his eyes as he turns back around, continuing to walk towards you.
“No, my fucking problem,” Logan replies coldly as he waves him off.
Wade felt his blood boil. He was never a patient man, nor a very nice one, but compared to this guy? He was a fucking saint. It was an insult to everyone that his Anchor being replacement had to be such a dick.
“Is that what you said when your world went to shit?” Wade shoots back to Wolverine, stopping him in his tracks again.
“Come again?” Logan growls, turning back to face him.
“Yeah, I heard all about you.” Wade began as he turned around, becoming increasingly exasperated by the situation at hand, ”You screwed up everything, but you really should be thanking me for pulling you out of that bed you shit-“
Wade let out a scream as searing pain shot through his body. Looking down he sees the infamous adamantium claws of Wolverine protruding through his chest.
“Oh, you backstabbing son of a bitch!” Wade grunts in agony as he’s hoisted in the air again, this time on his back.
Fighting back against the pain, Wade uses his own momentum to flip himself behind Wolverine, throwing them both onto their backs on the ground, the blades of the Wolverine’s claws tearing more of his flesh and bone on their way out as he did so. Without missing a beat Wade pressed his guns against Wolverine’s sides and shot out several rounds as the older man let out a guttural scream of pain.
“Are you ready to be calm now?” Wade asks almost mockingly, guns still pressed to Wolverine’s ribs.
He’s met immediately with a headbutt, no doubt breaking his nose underneath the mask.
“Fuck!” Wade swears in pain as Wolverine rolls off him.
Not giving Wade any time to gather his bearings, the older mutant grabs him by his ankles before throwing him into a wall. Wade heard the bones in his arm snap as he crashed through the cement wall, tumbling backwards against a sunken monument that seemed familiar to him. Wade groaned as he stumbled back up to his feet, his arm snapped back into place painfully as he reloaded his gun.
“I don’t want to fight you, Peanut! Doesn’t matter what you did. I just need your help.” Wade called over to Wolverine as he stood across from him in the wasteland.
“I don’t fucking care,” Logan snaps back as he spits out a smoking bullet, the rest falling from his torso, his healing factor working over time to push them out.
“Fuck, this is gonna hurt,” Wade says more so to himself than anyone else, “Alright! Fuck it! Let’s give the people what they came for!”
“Let’s fucking go,” Logan says as he crouches down to his knees, readying himself for whatever Wade was about to throw at him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You take a sharp much needed inhale through your nose as the final bone in your spine snaps back into place. Sputtering out a cough you sat up bltrying to block out the blinding light of the sun with your hand as a headache pulsed through your skull. Looking around you slowly take in the dilapidated scenery around you.
Where the hell were you? You thought to yourself as you looked down at your watch to check the time.
The screen was broken, a crack having spiderwebbed across the screen. You weren’t exactly sure when it had broken but from what you could tell from when it had stopped working it was well beyond midnight.
“Oh I’m so fucking fired tomorrow,” You say with a groan as you rise to your feet dusting yourself off.
The sound of shouting and rapid gunfire drew your attention in the distance. Approaching the sound as cautiously as you could, you peek over a mound of rubble to find Wade being held down by an enraged Wolverine with Wade’s katanas and baby knife sticking out of him, reminding you of a human pin cushion.
“Let’s see you grow your fucking head back!” He shouts as he goes to sink his claws into Wade’s throat.
Picking up the first thing you see laying around you run up behind the Wolverine hitting him in the head as hard as you could, breaking the branch in your hands on impact. With a heavy grunt, he stumbles off of Wade onto the ground.The Wolverine clutches his ear as he snaps his head up to glare at his assailant. The rage in his eyes shifts to shock as you stand over wade protectively, glaring down at him with your broken branch raised high and at the ready for you to swing at him again if need be.
Snapping out of his daze, Wolverine gets to his feet and with his claws sheathed going to strike the red suited clown again, when hastily Wade rises to his feet, immediately moving you behind him with his hands raised up in surrender.
“Wait, wait, I can fix it! I know how to fix it!” Wade shouted at the Wolverine not willing to put you or himself in the Wolverine’s wraith.
“Fix what?” Wolverine asks has he slowly starts to lower his fist as he looks back and forth between you two.
“Whatever it is that you did that made you so bad! Those freaks in the TVA, they have the power to end our universe, but they can also change yours!” Wade says pushing you further behind him, not liking how the man was eyeing you.
Logan looks between the two of you incredulously as if trying to understand if what Wade just told him was true or not.
“Well?” He asks gruffly, eyes now completely focused on you.
Realizing he was talking to you and that your answer might be his deciding factor on whether or not to help you, you take a deep breath as you walk out from behind Wade who looks at you skeptically for a moment.
“We just traveled the multiverse trying to find you because of the TVA,” You began with a surprised chuckle still reeling in that fact that you actually did do that as you returned Logan's intense gaze,“Until today I didn’t think any of this kinda stuff was possible… But it is so I believe him,” You said exchanging a look with Wade as you finish, he nods his head to you almost in thanks.
Logan stares at you a bit longer before letting out a frustrated huff as he looks away, sheathing his claws. You nearly let out a beath of relief at the sight until the older man resumed his attention on you two again. The Wolverine looked back and forth between the two of you as he felt his nerves starting to grate again.
“How the fuck do you know this clown?” Logan asks annoyed, his fists were down at his sides but still balled up ready to fight again if he needed to.
Peeking over Wade’s shoulder, you part your lips about to answer him when suddenly you're cut off by a new voice.
“Hey! We fight each other, we lose,” Said a voice from above you all.
Puzzled, you all look up in the direction the voice came from.
“Who the hell is that?” You asked scrunching your face up in confusion as you use a hand to block out the harsh rays of the sun from your vision.
“Dear God its him…” Wade said, astonished.
“Who?” You asked as you and Wolverine share a confused glance.
Above you, on a worn down billboard, stood a man. He was covered in loose fitting dark clothes with a hood draped over him, blocking his face from view.
“That my little chocolate drop is the One. The superhero equivalent to comfort food or molly. White guys’ answer to all the disappointments in another A-lister,” Wade went on rambling as the cloaked man jumped down and landed before the three of you.
“Now that’s a superhero landing!” Wade clapped as the cloaked man turned to point out into the desert
“They're coming,” The man said.
Alarmed, you all look in the direction of his focus. On the horizon you all could see three cars speeding towards you, all three of the giving off serious Mad Max vibes.
“Well they’re definitely driving angry,” Wade joked, though you could tell by the drop in his voice that he was assessing the entire situation very much aware of the danger you two were about to be in.
“I got this,” The cloaked man said pulling down his hood to reveal a familiar face, “Stay close.”
“Aye aye, Cap,” Wade says walking up behind him to wrap his arms around the man before he pulls them off of him awkwardly.
As the cars neared they circled around the four of you a few times, some of the men blew out crude whistles making you cringe in disgust as you clutched your broken branch to your chest. Finally they stopped, their vehicles parked around you, caging you four in.
“Cassandra is going to be giddy when she sees what we caught!” A man with stringy greasy hair grins, showing off his filthy teeth to the group, “You know you can’t run.”
“You see anyone running, dick for brains? You’re not gonna love what happens next,” The cloaked man retorted.
“Oh my god, he’s going to say it!” Wade says smacking one of his katana’s that still protruded from the Wolverine’s chest.
Logan stumbled back a bit with a weak ‘ah fuck’ as you instinctively reached out to steady him. He turned his head to look at you as soon as he felt your hands on him. You held his eyes for less than a second before abruptly removing yourself from him, now focusing on looking at anything else but him.
“Avengers Assem-!” Wade begins to shout as if anticipating what the cloaked man was about to say, however that’s not what he said at all.
“Flame on!”
“Sorry, what now?”
The cloaked man shot out into the sky in a ball of fire. He hovered over everyone for a moment before blasting out a stream of fire directly at the greasy man that had spoken before. The greasy man grins as he holds his hand out, absorbing the flames before he twists his fingers cutting off the cloaked man’s power like a faucet. The man barely had a second to register what happened before he began his miserable descent from the sky. He hit the billboard he was standing on before twice before flopping on the ground, completely unconscious.
“We don’t know that guy,” the Wolverine was quick to say.
“We thought we did,” Wade agreed as he looked over the unconscious man before turning back to the group of thugs.
“Oh but I know you,” A beastly looking man with pitch black eyes said as he dropped down to their level from atop a car.
His dark orbs were fixated on Wolverine, who returned his glare with his own as he bared his teeth at him with a growl.
“Holy shit… Sabretooth… your brother,” Wade said, a hint of excitement in his voice as he looked between the two.
“Ready to die?” Sabertooth asked as he stalked towards them, eyes never leaving Wolverine.
“Wait! Wait! Wait! Time!” Wade calls out as he begins to remove his weapons from Wolverine’s body giving him a long winded nonsensical pep talk in normal Wade fashion.
“Shut the fuck up!” Wolverine growls out, shoving him back into you.
What an asshole you thought to yourself with a scrunched up face.
The Wolverine lowered himself into a fighting stance before the two mutants lunged for each other. The two collided briefly in the middle as the familiar sound of metal tearing against bone and flesh rang through the air, before sliding past each other entirely. Both brothers stood on opposite sides of the dry field.
“What is it, girl? Is there trouble at the well?” Wade mocked with an innocent tilt of his head.
You might’ve laughed at the Lassie reference if it wasn’t for the fact that not a second later Sabretooth’s head rolled off his shoulders and right at your feet. You scrunched up your nose again, turning your head away in disgust as Wade picked it up.
“Behold! The head of your precious Queen, Furiosa! I have the Wolverine! I alone control her! You come for me! You come for her!” Wade declares as he raises the head in the air like a prize before he leans over into Logan’s ear, “I’m so sorry. I know it’s pronounced him. I’m gender blind. It’s my cross to bear.” Logan simply rolls his eyes at him.
“Who’s next?” He challenges looking around at the men who were left, waiting for someone to step up to him.
The greasy man let out an amused chuckle before calling out to one of his partners “Toad! You’re up!”
You look towards the other mutant and resist the urge to cringe again as he shoots out his slimy green tongue and pulls a lever. Instantly it activates a giant metal magnet that drags both Wade and Wolverine off their feet and into its pull.
“Wade!” you called out, unaware as a giant sentinel leg comes flying at you from behind, stunning you as it flies towards your companions, carrying you with it.
“Oh fu-“ Was all Wolverine had managed to get out before you and the sentinel leg crashed into him and Wade, knocking out the three of you on impact.
#logan howlett imagine#logan howlett x reader#wolverine imagine#wolverine x reader#logan howlett#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool 3#platonic deadpool x reader#deadpool x reader#hugh jackman#like a prayer
354 notes
·
View notes
Text
episode 19
as you can probably tell, i've thought a lot about what post-canon one would look like in my vision... i've said before that i have issues with straightforward fix-its, and i do genuinely love the tragic open-ended conclusion that the series has, but i... am not immune to playing with characters like dolls LOL
here's some writeups about where everyone is at mentally in these pictures. please please please PLEEEASE feel free to ask me more about this cuz i love talking about my beautiful mind palace
charlotte: somehow the most optimistic person in here, mostly out of necessity. when she died, she saw parker leading her out of a cave as her waiting room and was about to take his hand when airy respawned her, so she has a brief moment of bonding with bryce when he talks about the waiting room and seeing stella. with the knowledge that there is potentially a way to get out (bryce and liam being the proof) and the fear of rotting away again she is by far the most actively motivated to help liam figure out the computer. a lot of her days are spent talking to liam over the mic and writing out the code in the dirt so she can try to understand it. she still has to push against her natural misanthropy (and often shouts at liam or bryce for being fucking stupid and useless) but both working on the code and helping amelia give her something concrete to focus on outside herself. she wants to get home so she can make amends with her friends. charlotte is scared of dying! she's really genuinely horribly scared of dying and has awful vivid nightmares about rotting away. she often pushes amelia into talking about her life which causes some tension, but it's because she really hates seeing amelia lose herself like that - a metaphorical rotting away of the self.
subway seat & atom: not on the same level of pure existential depression as the batch 1 contestants, but they both feel the hopeless mood pretty harshly regardless. subway feels very lonely as the only hidden object still 'awake', and likes to carry whippy creamy around rather than just leave him sitting on the ground constantly. tray is too big and unwieldy for him to do that with, but he 'hangs out' with her anyway, talking to her and whippy creamy in the hopes that it'll get them to want to wake up again. atom doesn't talk much, but he still carries his piece of grass. he's definitely the person who's the least affected by the prospect of being stuck on the plane forever, since he… doesn't really perceive existence in the same way as everyone else? he's an atom. but his time in the competition definitely made him view everyone else as friends, and he feels even more powerless than usual in the face of this incomprehensibly difficult problem.
amelia: falls into total hopelessness when bryce rejoins, basically seeing it as the final sign that they're never going home. still calls everyone their competition names (she actually gets into a big fight with bryce about it lol). she gets really clingy and dependent on bryce when he first comes back but it crashes and burns pretty quickly when, during an argument, bryce tells her how much he wishes he could just go back and never have let liam in and forgot about everything… which really sucks for amelia to hear, given that she's part of that everything. after that, with bryce isolating himself, she's kind of reliant on charlotte to keep her going. she blames liam for airy dying and secretly kind of thinks he killed him but just isn't telling them… she also doesn't really believe there's any way of getting out and is just kind of waiting around to die of, like, old age i guess. after how long she's been here, amelia is convinced that she has nothing to even go back to and frequently forgets details about her life. regularly cries and hates being alone. the shift markings on the side of the water tub have changed from being a way to keep track of time and stay sane to a horrible reminder of how long they've been here and how much longer of an eternity they have before them.
bryce: hates himself and liam and airy and the plane and his entire stupid fucking life. bryce is really, really fucking pissed off at liam for losing the notes and letting texty die and every other mistake he's made, and isn't shy about telling him that. as well as being angry, he's also incredibly miserable, because he was finally starting to turn his life around (he quit drinking after the plane) and now it's all for nothing - and even worse, those 7 months he spent getting better were 7 months he did nothing to help the rest of them, especially amelia. he's horribly guilty about that, and that he didn't tell amelia about the fake votes before he was eliminated… but finds it easier to just let liam take the heat for that one at first. after he fights with amelia about it he becomes a bit of a hermit, hanging out by himself next to the plug, and never responds when liam tries to talk. contemplates suicide regularly but pretty much the only option is drowning himself, and the idea of that still scares him more than staying like this forever. would kill for a beer.
liam: tortured by horrible guilt every day over a million different things. these include getting bryce pulled back into this (plus delayed guilt over getting him for real killed), letting texty die and not saying anything about the charger, not telling amelia that everything was fake, knowing that charlotte is going to die if he doesn't get really smart really fast… he's frequently gripped by fits of rage where he almost smashes the computer and has to hobble around outside with the axe for a while to blow off steam. he has really bad nightmares and dissociative episodes, made worse by the isolation and spending hours in a dark cave. liam really wants to fix things with everyone but genuinely has no idea how to start that conversation. he assumes airy killed himself (and views it as an unforgiveably cowardly move) and directs a lot of resentment towards him. he has a lot of things he wants to say, especially to bryce, but the fact that he cant talk to anybody one on one makes things difficult. spends a lot of time just reading through the code, too afraid to actually make any changes in case everyone explodes, but talking it through with charlotte at least makes him feel like he's doing something. more than he would like to admit, liam catches himself staring at the plane as if it's a simulation or a livestream.
#hfjone#charlotte stern#amelia euler#bryce hansen#liam plecak#hfjone subway seat#hfjone atom#feels wrong to tag whippy creamy and tray but theyre there too.. sort of#my art#kind of proud of these i dunnooooooo i had fun playing with a new brush and light and whatnot. Whatever. Go my scarab
209 notes
·
View notes
Text
I want the human/cybertronian life difference to be talked about more in canon
Cuz I mean. it’s RIGHT THERE.
Just a smidgen of true acknowledgment I BEG YOU HASBRO‼️
i mean come on all it takes is someone mentioning how long the wars been going for one of the humans to go “4 MILLION YEARS???? WHAT THE FUCK HOW OLD ARE YOU???”
And optimus or ratchet to be like “…5/7 million?” And all of the humans to have a break down CUZ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUVE BEEN ALIVE SINCE BEFORE THE HUMAN SPECIES EXISTED??? WE WERE MONKEYS WHEN YOU WERE BORN???
And the (woefully uniformed) cybertronians to be like “??? What do YOU mean your species was still evolving when I onlined, how long do you guys live?? A thousand?? A few hundred??”
And the gobsmacked humans to be like “??? NO WE HARDLY LIVE OVER A HUNDRED ITS CONSIDERED AN ACCOMPLISHMENT?? AVERAGE OLD AGE DEATH IS LIKE MID 80s!! TECHNICALLY THE AVERAGE LIFE SPAN IS 72 OR SOMETHING???”
Cue the autobots being like “😨 72??? THATS A CHILD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT⁉️”
the more attached/emotional bots looking at their charges and realizing that not only are they sparklings compared to them but they’ll die as sparklings too in just a few decades, causing them to straight up have a mini meltdown.
Yeah they’re in a war and they’ve lost plenty of friends, but never to anything as predictable and inescapable as old age.
It’s the seeing-it-coming part that gets to them, the slow dread of knowing that even if they do everything right and keep them out of danger and they stay healthy there’s nothing they can do to stop them from withering away in a couple of decades.
Most versions of bumblebee looking at their charge/friend and realizing his assumptions about the fact that since they’re both still young that they’ll have plenty of time to just. Live together and have fun- are wrong?? Immediately tears. Even if cybertronians can’t cry tears he’s doing whatever the equivalent is and running away to cry in his room. And then running back to snatch them and take them with him cuz HE CANT WASTE A SECOND IF THEIR LIFESPANS ARE REALLY THAT SHORT HES GONNA JUST HAVE TO SPEND 24/7 WITH THEM
This whole concept ESPECIALLY applies to TFP since all of them got their own little human buddy and there’s only like 5 autobots to begin with (of the main season 1 crew) they’ve lost so many of their own so recently, their numbers are already dwindling down to nothing, they’re losing the war and the kids are what’s given them a major morale boost. To continue fighting they need hope, and the kids have kind of become their hope for the future- to know they’ll die off in under a century despite how young they still are is a shot to the spark.
Look me in the eye and tell me bee wouldnt panic hearing that Raf only has 70-80 years to live. LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME HE WOULDNT HAVE SOME KIND OF FIT OVER BEING TOLD THAT HIS LITTLE BUDDY (from a cybertronian perspective) HAS A LIFESPAN EQUIVALENT TO A LATE STAGE TERMINAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS. Bee would start treating Raf like a kid with stage 4 cancer 😭
I just KNOW bulkhead would have the worst reaction other than bee, maybe even worse cuz he looks at miko and realizes she’s used up basically a fifth of her entire lifespan already and she’s Still So Little and straight up starts weeping. That’s his DAUGHTER you can’t take her from him so soon it’s not FAIR! He might have to go destroy a canyon wall or something to let some of the anger and grief out
Arcee is Not taking it well either.
She JUST got attached to this one, just got used to a new partner and your telling her that no matter what she does he’s never going to last as long as tailgate of cliff jumper did?? Even if both he and she do everything they’re supposed to do to protect him and extended his life?? Depression time baby
Optimus and ratchet don’t react as much outwardly to the news as the others but inside they’re both 💔💥
These kids have brought optimus a level of contentment he hasn’t felt in vorns, and he sees how bright their spirits shine- Only to now know those precious spirits will burn out in less than a century- it gnaws at him inside, yet another strike from the cruelty of fate
Ratchet is devastated but refuses to acknowledge it, these kids- yes even miko- have become his pseudo grandkids and he’s not ready, nor will he ever be ready, to outlive them. Jacks reminds him too much of a younger optimus, still learning and still hopeful. Miko is… well she has a fire to her that ratchet can appreciate (when she’s not actively annoying him) she’s determined enough to make anything happen which he does begrudgingly respect even if he wishes she wouldn’t just throw herself into any and every situation just for fun.
And Raf…
Raf is his apprentice, the only one of the kids to understand him and listen intently to his stories of cybertron. To show appreciation for his work and his ideas, to Listen and Learn and Improve his inventions. He harbors the most fondness for Raf since he sees so much potential in him, and has taken him under his wing in teaching him cybertronian language and biology.
He feels almost like he’s training a student to take his place- only for the ground to be ripped out from under him to know that Raf will never have the chance to succeed him, will never even outlive him.
A parent should never have to bury their child, and ratchet already feels that he has.
-
TLDR the autobots find out humans have fruit fly lifespans next to them and become one big soggy mess of tears, optimus and ratchet included although they try to have a stiff upper lip about it (and fail to varying extents)
I swear this was supposed to be about any and all continuities but TFP took over completely😭 idk it just fits the best since they focus so much on how attached the bots get to the kids
Edit: btw this was inspired from the fact I found out that the cybertronian equivalent to a year (yes I know technically they have solar cycles which are roughly a human year but what they consider a year vs their lifespan/time perception is different) is a vorn. A vorn is 80 HUMAN YEARS. I saw that and went “oh wow a vorn is like a whole human lifespan!😃” and then I went “OH A VORN IS A WHOLE HUMAN LIFESPAN 😀“
#transformers#tfp#transformers prime#Fr tho i feel like ratchet would have an initial outward reaction of shock and mild horror#perhaps some anger(already going through the stages of grief💀)#and then he shuts them out cuz he can’t handle it 💔#tries to pretend it doesn’t bother him#OH MY GOD HES IN SO MUCH PAIN#optimus doesn’t shut them out but he is a lot more quiet#always has his version of sad puppy eyes when he watches them#like this 🥺 but way way toned down#basically just the eyebrows and small frown#considering he only does micro expressions that’s the best ur gonna get from him#optimus#ratchet#arcee#bumblebee#bulkhead#optimus prime#maccadam
614 notes
·
View notes