#and its a little difficult to be emotionally vulnerable when you know that about them yk

[0bsc3ne]

for some reason I've never had the urge to sh through cutting? i've done it maybe twice and both times it just felt :/. it's not that i'm afraid of blood or pain or something, in practice i'm fine with either and probably have something of a fascination, but it's just? never felt satisfying? and this isn't a complaint really its just. Odd, i guess? like. i feel like my brain should at least get some sort of satisfaction from it but it just. Doesn't.

[honey-writes-sometimes]

Random romance headcanons for the Lin Kuei Brothers

what do they search on a partner, how are dates with them, that sort of stuff

I tried to make this headcanons as accurate to what i think these characters would do canonlly

(I accidentally posted my draft but now i finished it, still learning how to write and use tumblr)

Kuai Liang/Scorpion

>Kuai Liang is an honourable grandmaster, he puts humbleness and passion over other traits. he is looking for someone with honour, kind and selfless, with the will to complete their goals, without sacrificing anyone in the process

>he prefers a peaceful person, one that he can spend quiet and tranquil nights with, he is a quiet person himself, he loves soft and peaceful chats, your voice calms him down and talking to you is the perfect way for him to distress

>he doesn't mind if you are in the Shirai Ryu or not, but he will consider you as a valuable ally to his clan, a loyal and truthful counselor, but it will sweep him off his feet if you decide to help him and the Shirai Ryu with their goals

>dates with him are difficult to have, he is the grandmaster of the Shirai Ryu, he often goes on missions or stays up late doing tasks or errands for the clan, training his initiates and ninjas too, Kuai Liang has little time for himself, but when he does he spends it with you, most likely in bed talking and staying up late playing with your hair, he loves late night talks with you, it soothing and comforting for him

>as for gifts, he will gift you meaningful things, he can gift you flowers or beautiful jewelry with gemstones and every single one has their own meaning, if he misses you he will send you forget-me-nots which means that he doesn't want you to forget about him or if he comes back to you after a long mission he will bring lilies of the valley with him, because it means the return of his happiness. he uses his gifts to communicate his feelings

>Kuai Liang is not really a jealous man, he acknowledges his negative feelings and doesn't let them get in his head, he is not one to do any sudden act or dramatic scene out of jealousy, he will talk to you about his feelings, try and make you understand why he feels the way he does, i picture him as the most emotionally mature out of his brothers

>he doesn't like PDA, he is a grandmaster and tries to maintain a honourable and diplomatic image, not that his love for you is not honourable its just he doesn't want others to see him being vulnerable to you, his vulnerability is a side of him that only his loved ones know of, specially you, and he likes to keep it that way, he secretly loves the fact that only you can tear down all his walls and see him when he is most vulnerable

>he makes it up to you when you finally get time alone, he will hold you tight and whispers sweet words in you ears, he will kiss your jawline and temple between his words, and so sweetly too, he will reassure any doubt you have, comfort your feelings, ease down your anxiety, to wash down any negative feeling you feel, he doesn't mind being the one to hold you or comfort you, he feels happy to be the one to spoil you

>a relationship with Kuai Liang its something that keeps you yearning for him, to have more time with him, he is so close and yet out of reach because of his duties as a grandmaster, but he does his best to return home safe to you,

Bi-Han/Sub-Zero

>Bi-Han is a disciplined, cold and ambitious person, he doesn't mind making sacrifices to accomplish his goals. he wants a person that is decisive and disciplined like him by his side

>he wants a partner that is decisive, confident and determinated. a person that is fully capable of giving orders, he wants a partner that will join and lead the Lin Kuei alongside him, like his father and mother did. to him having a partner means working in a team to accomplish both your goals

>he wants you to join the Lin Kuei, he thinks if you are going to dedicate and expend the rest of your life with him you'll need to become a member of the Lin Kuei, it means that you are dedicated and loyal to him, alongside his goals and aspirations, he sees it as a sign of not only respect but devotion and love aswell

>if dates with Kuai Liang are rare, is even worse with Bi-Han, he is as busy as Kuai Liang if not more, he is busy even late at night, he comes to bed in midnight, if you fall asleep before his arrival, he will prepare himself for bed and cuddle with you, even if he won't admit it he loves having you close, its his way of apologizing for having little time for you. if you stay awake to wait for him it would make his cold heart flutter but he will scold you, saying that your need for proper rest comes before him, and you shouldn't sacrifice it for him

>Bi-Han is not much of giving you gifts out of emotions, but out of necessity and need, he will keep an eye on you, do you need hygiene products? Health care products? Skin care products? He has you covered, he will sent his men to bring you everything you need, or what you say you need, he demonstrates his love by taking care of your necessities

>Bi-Han is not a jealous man either but he is protective, overprotective even, if Sektor or any other Lin Kuei tries to convince you to participate in the Cyber Lin Kuei project Bi-Han will tell cut them off immediately, and coldly scold them, he doesn't want you to be involved in overly dangerous Lin Kuei business. you will rule by his side, aid him, share victories and glory with him, but he will never let you make the same sacrifices he or other Lin Kuei members do, you are too important to him to let you

>no PDA, like never, he hates being vulnerable in general terms but more so in public, he wants to keep a cold and intimidating exterior, he is the grandmaster of the Lin Kuei, and he wants others to respect him, being it out of fear or admiration, he doesn't want others to see that you are his soft spot either, he fears people may use you against him

>even when you are alone, it is difficult for Bi-Han to let down his walls and fall apart in your arms, sience he was little he thought feelings like vulnerability made him weak, so he pushed these feelings aside, he thought it was the best for him, but thankfully he is slowly healing from that, you are making him heal, teaching him to be vulnerable to you, because you will never take advantage of him in this state

>being in a relationship with Bi-Han is rather hard, like with Kuai Liang being grandmaster has its duties, and they are heavy, plus his trauma doesn't help eiter, but if you manage to see pass and help him heal, step by step he will finally let you see that he is actually very devoted to you, he will do anything for you, he will kill for you if you needed, he would bring the world on their knees for you if you asked him to, he doesn't mind sacrificing anything or anyone to make you happy, because you make his cold heart beat with passion again

Tomas Vrbada/Smoke

>Tomas is one of the most kindest soul out of the mortal kombat characters, he emerged of his tragedies as a genuine and caring person. he is looking for someone as kind as him, he doesn't like petty, rude or troublesome people

>he is attracted to kindness, compassion, humbleness and anything between those lines, he doesn't mind if you are loud or quiet, shy or confident, introverted or extrovert, as long as your actions are good and honourable ones and you treat people right

>don't ever expect expensive gifts or dates from him, he is a humble person, he belives love relies on thought itself, he can bring you a couple of flowers he picked off the ground because they reminded him of you or just write you a letter of how he feels about you, even if his gifts are small he gives them to you with all his heart

>like his brothers, he doesn't have that much time with all the tasks he has because of the Shirai Ryu, training his initiates or going on missions, but he always tries to make time for you, and when he does he prefers dates at home or places where there is little to no people, he also prefers when you two make the food together, so cooking with you or going to picnics with you are his favourite type of dates, he also loves stargazing with you

>Tomas is not a jealous person most of the time, he often tries to ignore the feeling, but if it affects him too much he would get self-conscious and insecure, probably trying to avoid you while he cleans his thoughts, he thinks his jealousy is immature of his part, you need to reassure him and validate his feelings because no one ever really did that for him

>he is not big on PDA, does more than his brothers thought, he can hold your hand, hug you or compliment you in public, but nothing pass that. he doesn't like when people see you two being so vulnerable and loving, the love you two feel are just for you both, no one else. he also doesn't like the idea of other gossiping about your demonstrations of affection, he thinks it will give you trouble and he doesn't want to be a burden to you at all

>when you are alone he would show you how much he loves you, satisfy your needs, spoil you, and will do what he can to accomplish every desire you have, but with one condition, you must do the same for him. he is not the type to be happy with only giving or only receiving, you both should give and receive love equally, so spoil him with love too, he can get quite needy and eager for you love, he loves when you spoil eachother rotten

>a relationship with Tomas is a slow burn type of love, not rushed, he wants to experience your relationship at your own pace, step by step, he will kiss you for the first time or sleep with you for the first time when he feels that you are both ready to take that step on your relationship, even if he is ready and eager to try new things with you, he won't tell until he feels you are ready too, he will always wait for you it doesn't matter how much time, he will wait an eternity for you, if it meant he finally gets to be yours

[princessjojo-x]

CancerVenus ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

💝 he’s unlikely to make the first move, unless he’s known you for awhile & has good reason to believe his feelings are reciprocated. even after you’ve both shown mutual interests & began dating one another, he’ll resist being the first to confess feelings & he may even take his feelings to the grave. he’d much prefer you to open up first which will allow him to feel comfortable enough to open up too. he’s far too sensitive & reserved to risk being rejected in any capacity.

💝 usually, it takes awhile for him to become emotionally invested in a partner. he may act quite aloof & hard to read with love interests. he may hide or sabotage in order to refrain from falling too deep in love. he will analyse & evaluate before opening the door to his heart. you’ll need to prove to him that you’re dependable, familiar, safe & nurturing.

💝 his emotional state is vey changeable & unstable. it’s possible that this originated from a cataclysmic emotional event in which his ability to feel inwardly secure has been serverely compromised. old wounds & past traumas can heavily influence his present rxships & cause him to react from a place of fear rather than love. he has a tendency to become engrossed in memories, potentially distorting them, leading to psychic disharmony. he has a deep connection to the past, making it difficult to make room for new memories with a new significant other.

💝 despite him continuously learning a lot of hard lessons through love, somehow he never gives up on love. once the hard crab shell comes off, he is extremely nurturing & protective. he can even be smothering & clingy. he overwhelms his lover with attention.

💝 he’s emotionally intelligent & he encourages others to let out their emotions. if you’re going through emotional distress he naturally responds with nurture, wisdom & support. his way of connecting with others is by revealing something emotional.

💝 however, he has potential to become a covert narcissist & he can be emotionally manipulative (blaming his partner for his own low mood, especially since he take everything she says personal).

💝 he may be a quiet, shy, moody, submissive & vanilla lover. but he’s extremely loyal, willing to weather the storm & not easily bored.

💝 he has a fear of being too vulnerable & even verbalising what he needs or feels can be too exposing for him (its an instinctual response to his distrust of most people). therefore, he has a silent emotional expectation that his partner should somehow know just what he needs without him even verbalising it. when these needs are unmet, he can react very badly, from deeply crushing silent treatment to extreme anger outbursts. this can leave his partner feeling like she has to walk on egg shells around him!

💝 he usually has healthy self-worth, influenced by family perceptions & upbringing.

💝 you will know someone with cancer placements is taking you srsly & trusts you when they invite you to their home bc their home is a very important place to them. it’s where their personality shines, it’s their walls full of pictures of family & friends, books their mother read to them when they were little, blankets their grandmother made for them. they can’t let go of these things so when they let you inside their little shell, you can tell they put a huge amount of trust in you, they don’t do that with just anyone.

💝 he holds grudges a lot bc it's the only way to stop him from forgiving others.

💝 if you try to lie to him he’ll always have receipts ready!

💝 all cardinal venus signs tend to stop making efforts in their rxships once they get the person they were chasing, then either leave or complain about how boring things got.

💝 typically, if he isn’t interested in someone he will fabricate an excuse instead of telling her bluntly bc he doesn’t want to make her feel rejected & sad, a feeling he knows too well.

Turn On’s:

💝 he prefers love over lust. infant, being loved is more important to him than anything else.

💝 he seeks a partner who is emotionally understanding & provides him emotional security.

💝 ensure to give him lots of physical affection bc he establishes trust through physical touch. the best method to calm him down is literally giving him a hug.

💝 he loves a woman who’s the perfect blend of docile & dominant. dominant in the sense that she’ll be mature, reliable & persistent (he loves the mother archetype, being babied by a partner who feels like home). docile in the sense that she is willing to taking care of him & cater to him. he may even like passivity & receptivity in women, where he is the one providing & she can receive it.

💝he likes sweet, soft, gentle, delicate, nurturing, compassionate, patient women with feminine energy. create a warm, loving space for him to relax in at the end of the day or be willing to listen to how his day went.

💝 treat him like a priority & make him feel important. he needs constant reassurance, comfort, safety & vulnerability. ts

💝 his ideal partner has a water sign moon or ascendant.

💝 he wants someone with a strong connection to family or someone who wants to build a family (family oriented).

💝 ask him abt his rxship with his mum as he may have a mommy kink or mommy issues (or he may tend to attract people with mommy issues).

💝 sexually, he needs very strong touch, holding & kissing in order to feel sexually secure & trusting. unless he feels emotionally safe, he’ll feel sexually insecure.

💝 to impress him, dress a tad more modest & traditional, he likes a gentle aesthetic. he likes the colours of the moon (white, grey, light blue). don’t dress with too many colours or patterns. show da titties off, cancer placements love titties.

💝 he finds shy people super cute & charming.

💝 all water venus’s want emotional security. they want to be able to have a safe space & build a deep bond (they lacked this this security growing up). they want to feel spiritually bonded with their partner.

Turn Off’s:

💝 he loves to talk abt his feelings so he’s turned off by overly aggressive, emotionally closed off, overly confident, arrogant, aloof, flashy & inconsiderate women.

💝 he dislikes being rushed or pushed to make decisions. he moves at his own pace & if he become overwhelmed, he’ll retreat.

💝 he’s turned off if you don't let him in bc he likes to build a full connection asap & may have problem with the waiting stage. he wants to be sure things are going steadily in the direction of you being fully open to him, fully trusting in him & being an open book for him to read. he craves that intimacy & prefers love over lust, so if you don’t share yourself fully too it may annoy him.

💝 he’s turned off when you make him feel left out, unwanted & refuse to take his feelings into account (same for all water venus).

💝 telling him he makes you feel super uncomfortable & unsafe. telling him that he’s creepy, perverted & gross.

💝 rejecting his cuddles & food.

[moonlight-tmd]

So we all know Prowl isn't really the most emotional of the bunch- sure he has moments of strong feelings but most of the time he keeps them under control.

He didn't really have anyone to help him out emotionally in the past, he had to learn to cope with feelings on his own. He was doing a decent job at it...

But after Lockdown came to earth and all those memories of Yoketron flooded back to him he couldn't find a way to deal with it.

He needed comfort and he wasn't getting any by himself... What he didn't expect was to find himself sitting on the berth in Bumblebee's room, waiting for said bot to return from patrol.

Prowl might not have gotten along with the scout sometimes but Bee was the only mech who could help him right now... Bee was always the one to extend a servo and offer help, he never judged the person for what they were struggling with and always gave his best to make them feel better. One could not compare to the amount of compassion and kindness the little bot had.

Prowl sqeezed the little square bee plush sitting in his arms, a substitute until the real one shows up. Which wasn't long, few moment later he heard the door to the room open and a very familiar voice saying "Uh, what are you doin' here?"

Prowl didn't anwer nor moved from his spot for that matter. He heard pedesteps growing closer, a sound of the door creaking but not falling shut in the distance. Bee came to stand beside him, a confused expression on his faceplate. "You good?"

Prowl might have been good at hiding his emotions but Bee has learned to know what the ninja felt at the moment- the way his faceplate scrunched up in places and the body language was enough to tell what mood he was in. Bee's expression softened to something more worried, he sat next to Prowl. "Prow-?"

He didn't get a chance to finish before Prowl leaned to his side and rested his helm on Bee's shoulder. That... took him by surprise, still he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around the ninja in a hug.

Prowl never asked him for help, at least not like that... Bee might have spoke to him few times when he saw Prowl wasn't feeling okay but that was it. Now, Prowl was here, clearly feeling vulnerable and asking for comfort. Bee wasn't about to ruin this chance.

He held him gently, a servo rubbing his back. Bee recalled in his mind the recent events, wondering what could've made Prowl feel like this. "Is it about Lockdown?" He quietly asked. Prowl didn't say a word, after a moment he only nodded and leaned into Bee's hug more.

They sat like this for a long time, only few words were exchanged during that- Bee didn't know if Prowl wanted to talk about it so he kept quiet, which Prowl was grateful for.

When all was better Prowl leaned back and held Bee's servo for a moment while his faceplate held a gentle smile- a silent thank you. Bee smiled back, Prowl returned the little plush to its rightful owner and went back to his room for the night.

That little interaction made Bee very happy, it was a huge step forward in their relations, a sign of the trust between them growing. Prowl was difficult to get to open up, Bee was happy to see all the progress he made up to this point. And so was Optimus.

Little did the two knew but the team leader caught a glance of the two sharing a hug, he wanted to ask Bee about the report from the patrol but upon seeing the scene he decided to leave the matter for a later date and leave the two alone.

[idyllic-affections]

What if Kaveh's child became a talented sculptor/painter like in their teens? Say like 15 or so? Idk. That second part got me thinking so much abt them just tugging Kaveh by the arm to their next project like "OMG YOURE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE IM SO PROUD OF IT SPGUEJGEJLVWLHELHEJ"

artistic inclination.

summary. what if kaveh's child was artistically inclined?

trigger & content warnings. none applicable.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff. adoptive dad!kaveh & reader. 0.5k words. they/them pronouns used for reader. this post is an expansion of what if kaveh adopted a child? author's thoughts. GOD YOURE SO RIGHT ANON I LOVE THIS IDEA ITS SO CUTE..... guys. i BEG of you. please send me asks like this. i adore when this happens. getting asks about any of my ongoing series is an absolute delight. requests are always always always welcome, but this kind of ask? this kind of ask is my favorite type fr <3

kaveh's kid does absolutely end up being good with their hands, whether that's because of the time they spent with the forest rangers or simply because they lean in favor of artistic hobbies, and kaveh himself? he is overjoyed. the fact that [name], his [name], seems to have some inherent inclination towards the arts... archons. he loves that about them. it's like they were always meant to be his child.

he loves that his kid's first instinct is to run to him when they have a sort of creative breakthrough. he loves that their first instinct is to tug him by the arm and show him what they've made, even if there's still wet paint or clay on their hands because really, it's just a shirt. it can be washed. stains are just stains. he honestly understands on a very personal level; he gets paint all over himself, too. things happen.

it's worth it in the end, because he just loves them so dearly. their joy is his joy. their sorrow is his sorrow. their feelings are his. he resonates so deeply with the emotions of everyone around him, so you had better believe that his empathy increases tenfold for his own kid. he feels their feelings as if they were his own.

he understands their joy beyond the influence of his empathy, though. as an artist himself... he's so unbelievably honored that their first instinct is to share their work with him.

art is like a little window inside the artist's mind. the things they create give their father a deeper understanding of who they are, how they think, how they feel, why they think and feel that way. an artist sharing their work is an earnest display of vulnerability.

kaveh is so enamored with the way they are so willing, so eager to be vulnerable with him in such a sensitive way, especially in their teen years. he's heard a lot of things about raising teens; teens are supposed to be... difficult, aren't they? however, [name] just isn't difficult in the slightest.

...

well, children tend to be a reflection of the parent(s) they are raised by. [name] can be sassy and sarcastic, courtesy of tighnari and alhaitham's influence, but... they aren't difficult. they are kind and emotionally aware and warm and gentle.

overall, kaveh and his little co-parenting friend group did very well raising [name].

"baba, come look! i finished that project i was telling you about. it took me a while, but i finally did it!"

this happens multiple times on many different occasions, but kaveh's reaction never becomes any less enthusiastic. it doesn't matter what may be occupying his mind at that moment. he treasures their openness and could never so much as imagine disregarding their joy in moments like that. he always replies with a smile, wiping away a little bit of semi-wet paint that somehow ended up on their cheek.

kaveh only ends up smearing it more, but the gesture is sweet and appreciated nonetheless.

"ah, really?! i'm so proud of you. i know it can be hard sometimes. let me see what you've made this time."

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Harvey by Alex g and Sarah by alex are jam coded

they areeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee they are they are they are

God they're just such a mess together. Both those songs are both of them talking about each other.

Like, in Harvey the last verse just makes me think of Tim having night terrors and waking up in the middle of the night, and like Jay doing his best to look after him. Cos i do think Tim definitely has night terrors and stuff like that in sorry its locked. I haven't thought much about Tim's issues and how they'd manifest in this lil AU (other than him being kinda like, I can fix him, about Jay a bit), cos SIL is kinda mostly about Jay and Alex, like, even when its about Jam its about Jaylex if that makes sense? I don't think Jay would ever actually say "I love you" to Tim, he probably would have eventually, but in the time they actually have together he only thinks it, he doesn't actually say it. Neither of them do. Tim's waiting for Jay to say it first, and that never happens.

He wakes up in the middle of the night I run in and turn on the light Run my hands through his short black hair I love you Harvey, I don't care

Anyway but like, then the second verse is definitely like Tim talking about Jay. He's constantly chasing after Jay, even when they're already dating and together and all that, Tim has to chase after Jay because Jay is still hung up on Alex, everything is about Alex to Jay, even when he knows it shouldn't be and he should let at least some things be about Tim. But even Tim being nice to him is about Alex in a way, because its about how different Tim is to Alex. Even once they're in a relationship, Jay's not gonna magically be fixed and stop being at least a little scared of intimacy and being vulnerable in a normal way. Vulnerability through kink? Sure, Jay can do that, because he still feels in control of that. If that gets too much he can safeword out. But vulnerability in general? That's more difficult, that leaves him feeling out of control and like he doesn't have a way out.

I'll chase Harvey through the door in the wall He says, "Never catch me, never miss me at all" Drool comes down from the corner of his mouth I say, "I love you Harvey, you cut it out"

Sarah

Then in Sarah the bit about not being able to be that someone needs is so them both about each other. Neither of them can be what the other needs. Tim because what Jay needs is to work on himself and fix himself before he can be healthily in a relationship with anyone, he can't be Jay's therapist, and that's what Jay actually needs. Jay kind of knows that, but to him he thinks he needs someone to love him better, to fix him for him by loving him enough, and that's just not how healing works. you have to do the work yourself with support from others. they can't do it for you.

For Jay he thinks Tim needs someone better than him, Jay's "I can't be what you need" is more about his own self loathing than about the reality of the situation. Though, he's not completely wrong, Tim does need him to fix himself before he can be what Tim "needs" in their relationship. Because as Jay is currently, they can't be in a healthy relationship, not long term at least. Over time it'd all spiral out of control and they'd end up resenting each other, unless Jay actually agreed to get help, and worked to make that help, yknow, help.

I can't be what you need I am stuck in a dream I am stuck in a dream Don't you know she's been here all along in a dream? She belongs in a dream

The first two lines make me think of Tim thinking about how Jay deals with difficult situations. He runs away. The second Jay thinks something's going wrong, he runs away, whether physically or emotionally. Like, in chapter 3 when Jay just assumed Tim was going to abandon him like Alex had after showing real interest in him for the first time. Jay ran away. Only to the car park, but he was planning on running all the way away once he got his keys and shit from the room he and Tim were sharing. Jay's definitely not gonna stop running away, he might literally run away less, but he'll still distance himself emotionally when he doesn't need to. Or at least that's how i'm planning on writing him. god knows if i'll go through with it, but i plan to.

Sarah runs to feel the burning in her lungs And clear her head

There's a couple other lines that are like Tim talking about Jay. The line about "she loves me like a dog" is so Jay. he does love Tim like a dog, he follows him around like a lost puppy and he's obsessed with him like a dog is with their One Person. And he doesn't say anything about it, whereas Tim is pretty happy to tell Jay what he's thinking and feeling. Maybe he doesn't tell Jay everything, but he tells Jay a lot more than Jay tells him. Jay does that thing where he makes it sound like he's telling you a lot more than he is by repeating the same information in different words over and over again.

She loves me like a dog And when we mess around, I'll let her know the truth I found

[michelleelizabethtanner]

What are some of the key things you think about when writing for Brio? And any tips for writing scenes of confrontation between them?

P.S. Rough Night is the GOAT!

Aw, thank you, Anon! I still can’t bring myself to read through Rough Night after its completion, so your words mean a lot. I’m genuinely so touched. Thank you. ❤️❤️

Idk how good my tips for writing are. It’s so off the cuff for me, usually, and largely done by feel rather than overt planning. I don’t have any education on actual writing conventions and just try to imitate the type of writing I like to read. I’ve never paid so much attention to how dialogue is broken up or what descriptors people use in my life!!! 😂

I think most fic writing starts with a few key scene ideas. For me, there are generally a couple defining moments in my mind that really embody the feel of the message I want to convey. I can see clearly the mood, the tone, the volume of voice, the time of day, the weather, the facial expressions, the unspoken feelings. I guess the whole idea is that you, as the author, really understand your subjects on a deeper level than you plan to actually write in words. You should be able to see their entire histories that led up to those particular defining moments. Because the entirety of who they are has brought them down whatever the path has been to the moment(s) of impact. At least that’s how I do it. I have to have a connection to the characters as people to be able to tell a story about them.

And these defining moments don’t even have to be big or loud ones. They just have to have meaning in your own mind for the weight they carry. For example, in the beginning of Rough Night, I wanted to show a realistic path that I imagined would walk Brio toward each other in their tentative baby steps, and just how all those stars could possibly align for them to do so. I don’t think there were any big, loud moments in the beginning, but to me they were emotionally vulnerable and therefore impactful little bits of personal concessions from both Beth and Rio that allowed them progress. Acts of service (so to speak) from both Beth and Rio, where they selflessly provide each other pleasure at different times as a means of showing the other that they understand the other’s circumstance. Rio’s platonic presence and touch at a time he knew Beth was in an emotionally difficult place with her sister. Then a mirrored small, platonic physical touch initiated by Beth at a similarity difficult moment for Rio. A moment that she wouldn’t normally even be around for, showing support, showing a lot more just with her presence, going outside her comfort zone and actually touching when we all know she doesn’t do that. But Rio does. So she did it for him. Used his own language to say something meaningful without using words.

So I guess what I mean is, you should decide who these characters are in your mind and try to make us see them the way you see them. Give us glimpses into your cradle-to-grave knowledge of who they inherently are by showing us small behaviors that keep them consistently in character as much as possible. Don’t spell out their feelings in your narration. (This is the biggest rewrite I wish I could do in Rough Night. All the blatant telling instead of showing that makes me cringe.) Show us how they feel by their actions or even with their dialogue that very often may speak out loud the complete opposite of what they really feel. But we will all know they’re lying because we will see it on them through their small actions, their furtive glances, their tentative touches stolen in dark quiet moments. Think “I’m gonna teach you” there on her street in the dead of night. The way you could seeeeeee the feelings on him as he touched her hair. Think his little hand touch under the table, and her barely repressed smile about it. Baby touches. No big proclamations. “You trust me? / God no.” The opposite of what they really mean.

As for conflict and confrontation, I guess it largely depends on the moment and context. I know Rough Night has a climactic moment of confrontation where they are very verbose with their feelings. An OOC honesty, particularly for Rio who is verbally reserved and calculating. But it took something like 50+ chapters of smashing these two characters together in an increasingly intimate way for me to feel comfortable giving Rio quite that much dialogue. I do ultimately like how it turned out, but it took a lot of thought for me to feel comfortable writing the dialogue in quite that way. And don’t get me wrong, I do think Rio can give big speeches in emotional moments. Think 2.13, the way he prowled that loft and gave her a whole monologue on his emotions, but all veiled in threats. Rough Night didn’t veil his feelings, but I thought it would work because their trust had changed by that point, and he needed those words to progress their stagnation. But I would never give Rio an entire monologue like that in the absence of 50+ (or however is necessary) chapters of buildup and character development, allowing his character to feel the desperate need to behave so inconsistently with who he normally is.

Be careful about Rio, in particular, talking too much. This is maybe just my own preference (because I’ve seen people enjoy the catharsis of Rio finally making a grand speech in his own defense,) but nothing takes me out of a story more than when Rio suddenly begins to unload all his emotions without any building blocks getting him to that kind of openness. Think 20 questions. He had a lot to say in that confrontation scene. He was angry and hurt and also kinda cocky and smug because all Beth’s actions still chose him despite the ways she hurt him. But he couldn’t give her a speech laying it all out. He veiled it. He teased her and flirted with her and made her feel stupid for being the one who’s desperate and emotional and out of control. When in reality, Rio felt all those things too. And in the end he cut her as deeply as he could with almost no words at all. He used his presence, his oppressive sexuality, his knowledge of her in the most intimate of ways to cut her to the core and humiliate her in ways she would feel resonantly and for a long time. That’s how Rio fights.

Beth, on the other hand, is more verbal in her hostility, but remember, she has a problem with true vulnerability. Another thing that tends to take me out of a story is when Beth suddenly becomes too emotionally open and honest. She has the capacity for it in her inner monologue, but she rarely says what she means out loud in ways that expose her. She’s honest in moments of dishonesty. Think “if I have to bake another cookie I will die.” That is her truth, but she isn’t saying it in a true vulnerable way. She is intentionally using a small piece of her shameful darkness to manipulate and deceive. She uses others’ vulnerability to her advantage, even if she pretends to not notice or understand them. Think “that’s what I am? Work?” Oh, so you DID know he gives a damn about you then, right Beth? You just pretend not to so you didn’t have to experience the personal vulnerability of letting him down easy when you obviously used him for your personal means, thinking you two were done. See, she’s kinda like that. Manipulative yet also darkly honest when it suits her. Or when she’s giving us a rare glimpse that she truly sees and understands the vulnerabilities of the other person. “Gotta know if you’re good enough. / For you?” I mean, my god, her capacity for brutal and targeted honesty after she’s pretended to not know or not understand, all while veiling the actual truth in the process is like an art form. So writing her as too emotionally honest with her own vulnerabilities without (again) building those important building blocks toward character change would hit really OOC and, for me, ruins a really good story.

Take all this with a large grain of salt because what makes a fic “good” is so largely subjective. People like all sorts of things, but most of all, we love seeing Brio together, however that may be. A lot of the above is my personal preference and the things I think about when reading and writing Brio. But writing is a creative process so I think you and others should do whatever speaks to you. Helping us see your vision is what generally creates that magic and excitement about what we will find out next. Every author has their own voice and unique talents. I look forward to more fics in the fandom!!

[kiisuuumii]

some introspection this morning abt a feeling from last night abt social interactions, letting ppl in, fear of everything coming to a sour end, and hope

up until this past february, i hadnt allowed a completely new person into my life, like really into my life, for quite a long while; the last person was an old coworker, who id met two years ago now. and ive always been the sort to struggle w social interactions and connections of all types, so when i made my first blog and decided to start posting poetry there, i had prepped myself mentally somewhat to interact w others (last time i put myself out onto the internet was in 2020 lol), but i dont think i was as emotionally ready as i shouldve been, to the point of letting my emotions get the better of me and hurting myself and others twice now since march

its safe to say that im scared, of letting ppl in, of my emotions taking over, of hurting someone else again. its safe to say that i dont trust myself to not let any of this happen again. and maybe its a control issue thing. i know that nobody's perfect, let alone me, and yet i find it difficult to extend the sort of grace id give to others, to myself.

so when someone reached out to me last night to tell me that theyre there if id like a friend (and hello friend if youre reading this sorry im making an example of you), it brought up the question of whether i felt i /could/ let someone new in. and ik that its not like i have to be vulnerable, spewing every little thing abt myself, right from the start, and ik that how connections progress varies from one to another. i think the question really becomes whether i trust myself to know how navigate new connections in ways that are not only true to myself, but also with my highest good in mind, and whether im willing to take the risk that someone's presence in my life wont last forever

thats another thing with me; when i grow fond of someone, i want them to always have a presence in my life to some degree, because i love them, and i want to not only be apart of their lives, but also them apart of mine. but thats not what happens every time; people come and go, thats just how it is, and i struggle horribly with letting go, even since i was a kid

but i dont want to let the fear of losing someone keep me from letting people into my life. i crave connection, i crave understanding. i cant have those things without letting someone in and letting them try, and letting myself try.

i want to live this life with as few regrets as i can. yet it seems like ive just been piling them up over the past four months. am i just going to regret letting other people in going forward, too?

theres only one real way to find out. and im terrified. genuinely terrified. bc im sick of hurting others. im sick of beating myself up. but you have to do the thing scared. you have to. or else you wont do it at all. you'll keep making excuses for yourself, saying you arent ready, but when will that be? are we ever truly ready for anything, let alone change?

you have to hope that the next time'll be different. statistically, its not impossible. you have to hope. how else can things change if you dont have hope that they will?

hope doesnt have to mean trusting yourself completely. it just has to mean believing in the small part of you that wants things to change to do what they can with what they have to bring about that change.

i'll always believe that so long as i have the hope that i can change, i'll be able to find whats the best decision for me, in whatever moment i find myself in. that, that hope will eventually usher in the change im striving for, someday, one way, or another.

[emphasisonthehomo]

#i could write essays about the things he's got a weird boner for

please do

THE PEOPLE HAVE ASKED, AND THEY SHALL RECEIVE

About this post.

So here's the thing about Steve. He's kind of a mess.

Growing up, he didn't have the most demonstrative parents. John and Doris were not the "I love you, son" type of people. Steve had a complicated and kinda bad relationship with his father, and that was never really resolved before John was murdered. In the current context of Where Waters Do Not Curve, he believes Doris to be dead. His mom's been dead for years, he's fucked up about it. (And then in canon when she pulls the SUPRISE! I'M ALIVE! card, she's kind of a bitch about it.)

And then Steve goes off and joins the navy, which is a whole other level of weird toxic masculinity and repressed bullshit.

So you have an emotionally constipated (closeted) guy, who isn't comfortable with vulnerability. Words are difficult for him, especially when it comes to things like emotional intimacy. It's basically the perfect algebra for "actions/acts of service as a love language." Steve's not good at saying things, so he tries to show them instead.

This, combined with the fact that Steve's definitely some form of touch starved, and has never really had any sort of positive long term emotional stability in his life, mean he CLINGS to little signs of domesticity.

And then when he and Danny get together, he's suddenly presented with all of these small opportunities to be casually intimate. And Danny's not a PDA kind of guy, in many ways Steve isn't either, but now that he can he really wants to. Now, some of these are yes literal boners, but some of them are also like the - metaphorical boner. Heart boner. He yearns for it.

Steve wants to kiss Danny hello, he wants to hold hands, he wants be able to sling his arm around Danny's shoulders and tuck him close and press a kiss to his temple. He likes knowing inconsequential things about Danny, and gets fuzzy feelings about the fact that Danny knows inconsequential things about him.

Just the ooiest and gooiest of behavior. Steve's never really openly dated someone before, he's never had the opportunity to be gross about it. In the past he'd been a friends w/ bennies kind of guy.

Now? Now he can put his hand on Danny's thigh while they drive, and Danny will reach down and cover Steve's hand with his own, maybe stroke his thumb across Steve's knuckles a little bit. And it's casual, it's not meant to start anything. But something about it still kinda gets Steve chubbed up in his pants. Because Danny's touching him like this, Danny wants to touch him like this, and wants to be touched in return.

And then Danny will smile at him and call him a "dumb shit jarhead" for running into traffic after a suspect or something, and Steve will reply "that's the marines" and Danny will scoff and say "WHATEVER" and they'll bicker about something stupid and it's comfortable and calm and Steve genuinely can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be.

SO ANYWAYS here's a (non exhaustive) list of things Steve's got a weird boner about:

Danny's grumpy "it's too early to be up what is wrong with you?" face.

This is closely related to the boner about fact they both know what each other's bed head looks like.

Danny absolutely Will Not get up and go swimming in the morning, but he'll still be up and out of bed when Steve returns most days, puttering around the kitchen and making coffee.

The little texts Danny sends him, especially when its a day Danny doesn't stay the night. Steve gets a "good morning :)" text and swoons a little bit.

HAND. HOLDING.

Steve doesn't even spend the night at Danny's apartment very often, because it sucks and the bed is crazy uncomfortable, but Danny still bought him an extra tooth brush. Just whatever little sign that Danny's making room in his life for Steve.

The way Danny is the perfect height for Steve to get an arm around his shoulders and tug him close. And then Danny lets Steve do exactly that.

A chaste kiss hello or goodbye. The more casual the better. Danny drops a kiss to the side of Steve's mouth with a 'hay' like it's a habit he's done 1,000 times and intends to do 10,000 more.

When Danny talks about his weekends with Grace like it's a foregone conclusion that Steve will be present for it. Of course Steve will be there. Where else would he be?

[himi-wiz]

Hehe

Chuuya for bingo! <3

(And Dazai, if you want to.)

YOU. YOU HAD TO HUH.

Definitely don't know you anon. And therefore I can lie about it but here we go:

Dazai —

Interesting lad in the most atrocious manner possible. Admittedly I still needed to read the novels but I think Dazai is an odd character which I've never quite gotten completely even from the start of my initial bsd phase at 2014-2015. Now I'm as old as him (which is bizarre to think about) and I get what's going on, I still don't think I'll ever quite grasp what's in his head. He has this apathy and intelligence I will never take hold of as someone who understands that I am extremely an ordinary individual and chooses to remain so — being oblivious and normal — for fear that I would turn out to be as isolated as he is.

I think it's terrifying.

To be too smart and think too much of yourself, to realise you're never going to be normal for you will always reason a way out of your greatest passions and your worst nightmares. And therefore you never truly fear anything nor could you truly love something wholeheartedly either. How could you when you can't trust in anything?

I am fond of the irl author, Mr. Dazai Osamu's dedication to his work of No Longer Human which I did read through ages ago and encounter some memorable quotes. But it's only rather recently I was able to fully comprehend the sheer terror it brings as the protagonist Yozo elaborates on the despair of understanding one's role in life is inevitably meaningless, akin to an insect realising its doom to fall prey to fate in a web full of lies.

Whenever I was asked what I wanted my first impulse was to answer "Nothing." The thought went through my mind that it didn't make any difference, that nothing was going to make me happy.

— No Longer Human, Dazai Ozamu

And I only have pity for such a being that is unable to unlearn that despair or at the very least, be able to stop, condense and move forward with these thoughts and live with them.

Our BSD Dazai however is given a chance to do so unlike Yozo thanks to Odasaku and it brings a fond affection to see him trying his best. I hope he does find his way and learns to enjoy the difficult journey stumbling around in life. But at the same time, it'll be foolish of me to presume just because he's moving towards the light, Dazai's darkness and general sense of dissatisfaction with people and life would change.

Dazai is not kind, he is not gentle, he's inconsiderate, deplorable, utterly wretched nuisance of a man who can and will use you if he decides it's worthwhile for him to do so, otherwise he has little interest in you even if he can sees through all your struggles and how he could help you, he wouldn't, certainly not intuitively desire so.

And I much prefer that viewpoint for it's more remarkable that Dazai is choosing when he does good. And how he's actively trying to be the side that reaches out to someone else and be there for them. To let himself be tied to people he feels isolated from and be vulnerable enough to take bets and place his trust on the Armed Detective Agency (and Chuuya and Akutagawa) so he could save lives he honestly doesn't care much for. How fascinating.

And so when fans do brush that darkness aside, I can be mildly peeved. But hey, it's still valid and okay to have some fun with just comfort and softness of just wishing happiness for a character you like. It can hard to decipher these layers if you don't know where to look too. Or perhaps am I reading too deep into this? Who knows. Asagiri sure has a way of writing nuances like these and it's so delightful to unpack them.

I still don't understand Dazai on a fundamental level.

That is more of my fault as I am someone who both emotionally and socially impaired so much that I use myself as a medium to "empathise" with people. I merely mimick emotions — like I don't feel sad if someone lost a loved one, I 'force' myself to feel bad if I am that person, I play out the scenario of losing something precious to me and I take that sadness to apply it to the person.

That's how I can predict people well enough, aside from those who are far too passionate in an ideal or passion I can't understand like Kunikida, those who learn to hate everything, and those who comprehend the reasons why they hate and shift to a complete apathy, able to pinpoint all the ways they're wrong — ways they don't fit, they aren't human enough, but are ultimately far too timid and cowardly to work on why they are outsiders and maintain a distance for it's far safer this way.

Dazai is still that person who's terrified of attachment and rejection, still struggling to believe in people more than he trusts his mind and vision of the world around him. And he appears to be doing his best, so perhaps I would fall in love with his character a little more when I finish rereading No Longer Human, the dark era stuff and other bsd side stories.

For now let's see how he'll end up.

Chuuya—

I refuse to elaborate on him.

Suffer anon.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

HOTD Ep 7 Review/Analysis (Spoilers)

I was a little late watching the episode this week but I have now seen it and boy was it an intense episode, so much happened and some of it was really crazy. I think this is definitely one of my favourite episodes, but then they’ve all been so good it is difficult to say which is the best. As I’ve said before I am not a book reader so all of my opinions and analysis in this review are based solely on the show. Obviously there are spoilers. 

A Giggle At A Funeral

This episode starts out with Laena’s funeral and the ceremony is beautiful and goes off without a hitch, everyone gets along, brought together by their shared grief. I’m kidding of course, its HOTD so naturally the whole thing was a mess. I will say though that her coffin was beautifully carved and the whole burial at sea too, it was a beautiful ceremony to honour Laena. But it does get awkward when Vaemond pretty much just outright calls out Rhaenyra over the legitimacy of her sons, I just think there was a better time to be honest Vaemond, it was not necessary to do it right then and there and honestly a bit disrespectful to Laena. You’ve then got Daemon who at that point begins to giggle and laugh. I know it probably seemed disrespectful and like he didn’t care about Laena but actually laughing at a funeral is a common response. It’s called a manic defence. This is what a clinical psychologist, Dr San, said about it:

A funeral is a situation that many people find very difficult emotionally with everything that it represents. An expression of laughter can be what we call a manic defence, almost like a coping strategy but in a defensive way. Anything to divert the reality of what’s happening and the reality of loss and human vulnerability and the end of life.

I really do think this perfectly sums up what Daemon is feeling in that moment. I think he is grieving and trying to process what has happened, plus he is seeing alot of these people for the first time in 10 years some of which he left with tension between them and then you’ve got Vaemond bringing out the family’s dirty laundry right in the middle of the service and I think that’s just the trigger that sets Daemon off. I think a part of him might be remembering the conversation he had with Laena on the roof top when she gave him the news about Rhaenyra birthing another son, I think that reminds of the guilt he likely feels at denying her when she wanted to return home and have their child at Driftmark and I think it also reminds him of why he left, to escape all of the politics and manipulations, he’s only just returned to Westeros and already the politics are coming into play, it likely just all feels very absurd to him. He’s processing a lot of complex feelings in that moment so I don’t think him laughing was out of disrespect but more a coping mechanism. 

The wake after was interesting because it really showed just how estranged and divided this family has become. Everyone is in their little groups and you can see this awkwardness where everyone is grieving but they also want to say something to each other but just can’t seem to pull up the courage to do so. It reminded me quite a bit of the wedding feast in ep 5 where everyone is just throwing these looks at each other and there are all these little plot points going on that all weave together. When Rhaenyra first enters for example, you see her look over the crowd, she looks to Daemon first but does not immediately go over to him then she spots Alicent and Criston giving her an icy stare so avoids their gaze before she goes in search of Jace and asks where his father is. I think it is interesting that she immediately goes in search of Laenor after Alicent and Criston stare at her coldly because she knows that Alicent is still trying to expose her sons parentage, her instinct is to find Laenor to prove that they are standing strong together but she can’t find him because he is off down in the sea mourning his sister. He’s just not in the position to support Rhaenyra right now. Then Rhaenyra looks up again and once again sees Alicent and Criston glaring at her and you see Rhaenyra looking uncomfortable and then kind of straightening her back and breaking the eye contact and very much trying to avoid the situation. 

You’ve also got all of the children who are also dealing with complex emotions and issues. Jace who has figured out that his birth father was Harwin is clearly upset that Harwin and Lyonel have died and wants to be at Harrenhal mourning them. But the sad part is they cannot openly mourn them because it would only add fuel to the fire, it would be considered inappropriate. There is also the awkward but also really sweet moment when Jace goes over to the girls to say a kind word as his mother asked but clearly has no idea what to say so he just kind of stands there awkwardly until Baela reaches out and takes his hand. I think Baela understood and appreciated that Jace was making a gesture there. He didn’t know what to say but he was still showing them sympathy. Baela offers him comfort in return and I just liked the solidarity that Daemon’s daughters and Rhaenyra’s sons had together in this episode. 

Another interesting scene between the kids is the one between Aegon and Aemond where we learn that Aegon has been betrothed to Helaena and he is clearly not happy about it. Aemond says that if he had been asked to marry Helaena he would have done his duty as it would strengthen their line which I think shows that this idea is very much taught to them from childhood that marrying relatives is ok and even expected to keep that line pure. It’s interesting that Aegon doesn’t seem to care about it but Aemond does care about the family legacy and traditions. What was really interesting though is that when Aegon insults Helaena Aemond not only defends her but says she is your future queen. Whilst I respect that Aemond is defending Helaena what really interests me about this scene is that it suggests that its not just Aegon that Alicent has been telling he will be king, she has been drilling it into all of her children. All of them believe that Aegon should and will be King despite Viserys still sticking with Rhaenyra as his named heir. 

We also have two moments with Rhaenys one where she runs into Rhaenyra and its very awkward and cold but neither says a word to each other although Rhaenyra does try smiling at Rhaenys and then again when Rhaenys goes over to comfort the girls Jace quickly leaves showing that there is clearly tension there. It was really sad to see the girls and Rhaenys grieving for Laena you could really feel their pain. But the moment between Aemond and Jace by the firepit grabbed my attention because it did look like Aemond was going to say something to Jace, maybe even offer his sympathies to him, but then thinks better of it and just walks away. The reason why I find that so intriguing is for a moment it seemed like Aemond was showing at least some degree of empathy towards Jace despite the tension that is building between the two sides of the family, I think just like how Aegon seemed to get along with his nephews in ep 6, it really does highlight how if it weren't for the influence of the adults these kids would have gotten along and likely would even have formed a strong bond with each other just like Viserys wanted. It’s kind of tragic in a way. 

Speaking of Aegon, I mentioned in my last review that I was worried at the reaction some serving girls gave him when he looked at them suggestively, well I am now even more worried because once again he gives a serving girl a look and she looks scared which again makes me wonder what he has done to these serving girls that they have such a strong and negative reaction to him. Maybe it is just that they are uncomfortable with the young prince making advances towards them but the fact that they have focused on it twice now in two consecutive episodes makes me think its something we are supposed to be paying attention to. 

Then we have Helaena, who is still lovably weird. Last episode she made a comment after Alicent said Aemond would have a dragon that he would need to close an eye. Given the events of this episode I am now starting to think that maybe Helaena has some kind of prophetic power, she could be a dreamer like Daenys and Aegon were before her. I am positive that Viserys himself is a dreamer and that he prophesied the Dance of the Dragons. He says he saw that his son was born wearing Aegon’s crown and that he placed his son on the throne, there was the thundering of hooves, splintering of shields and ringing of swords and all the dragons roared as one. He took this to mean that he was supposed to put his son on the throne but I actually think it was a warning not to. The part about hooves and swords and shields and dragons roaring sure does sound like a war to me. Also its worth factoring in that each of the other dreamers only seemed to receive warnings. Daenys dreamt of the doom of valyria and took the correct course in leaving, Aegon dreamt of the long night and so went to Westeros and united the realm to make it stronger when the time came. The problem is that when Viserys gets his dream he doubts himself and eventually just brushes it off and as a result the Dance happens. I do think that Helaena has inherited the gift and is also now having visions of the Dance. During that scene she says:

Hand turns loom, spool of green, spool of black. Dragons of flesh, weaving dragons of thread.

Needless to say this is pretty cryptic as most prophesies are. But obviously the spool of green and spool of black represents the two sides, the greens and the blacks. I think the dragons of flesh is talking about the dragon riders and the targaryens seeing as they often refer to themselves as having the blood of the dragon. Hand turns loom makes me think of somebody being in control, this is clearly a metaphor of the act of weaving. The fact that Helaena is handling a spider in this scene is also interesting because of the connection it has to greek mythology which I think can tell us a little more about the potential prophecy. In greek mythology there is a character called Arachne who was a weaver, she made the claim to anyone who would listen that she was the best weaver in the world better even than the gods. Athena who was the goddess of, amongst other things, crafts such as weaving punished Arachne for her hubris by turning her into a spider, obviously a spider is closely related to weaving, as they weave their webs. I think this is trying to say that just as Arachne’s downfall was her hubris so too will the Targaryens’ be due to their hubris. Also spiders can be symbolic of deceit, weaving a web of rumours, gossip and lies. It can use its web to trap its prey which really does remind me of what has been going on in the last two episodes with this web of rumours and lies being weaved from both sides and how each are trying to trap the other.

Going back to the line ‘hand turns loom’ I am also wondering if this is a bit more literal and its talking about the Hand of the King and how he is manipulating and pulling threads for his own advantage. There is no denying that Otto’s interference has played a big part in creating the tension between the two sides. Obviously I don’t think he is solely responsible but that he most certainly made an impact. From sending Alicent to the King’s chambers hoping he would marry her to putting that seed in Alicent’s mind that Rhaenyra is a danger to her children. You could even go back further and say that his desire to get rid of Daemon by having him replaced by Rhaenyra as heir was a trigger for a lot of the events that followed. I do think Helaena’s character is going to be similar to Daenys though where very few will believe her if she does reveal the dreams she has, maybe Aemond will believe her but very few others, kind of like a Cassandra type figure where she is given the gift of prophecy but cursed so that no one will believe her. 

Viserys spends most of the wake shooting looks at Daemon, I think it was obvious that he wanted to talk to Daemon but as with many other characters and pairings in this scene just can’t figure out what to say. Eventually he does get up and go talk to his brother and tries to connect with him on common ground. He tries to relate to him by talking about how his daughters look just like their mother and how he knows that can be both a comfort and anguish, it is clear in this moment that Aemma is not far from his thoughts and this funeral and seeing his brother’s grief at losing his wife in pretty much the same way he himself did is bringing up alot of bad memories from the past. I think he really is trying to comfort his brother here and close that rift between them. I think Viserys is very aware that he is dying and likely does not have long left, he wants to make amends and heal old wounds and he wants his brother near him which is why he asks him to come back to King’s Landing with him and take a place in his court. What is interesting is when Viserys says if that is something you need and Daemon replies ‘I need...nothing’ it seems like he was about to say something else, his mouth formed a ‘r’ motion which makes me wonder what he was going to say. I need Rhaenyra? I need respect? I need rest? I need recognition? I need redemption? I honestly think it could be any one of these. Up until this point Daemon has been mostly despondent and fairly emotionless, he’s been standing alone away from everyone else yet in this moment when he says ‘I need’ he suddenly becomes impassioned and there’s a frustration and maybe even anger there. But then he collects himself and says ‘nothing’ before quickly trying to remove himself from the situation. Side note here but I did like what he said to Otto when he offered false sympathies because lets be real Otto doesn’t give two hoots about Daemon or his losses. ‘No matter how fat the leech grows it always wants for another meal’ its just such a good quote. It’s Daemon letting Otto know that he might have fooled his brother into taking him back as hand but I still know what you are, I still see through you. 

Another person who spends most of the wake looking at Daemon is Rhaenyra. Like her father things between her and Daemon were left unresolved when he left ten years ago. It is also, again just like her father, obvious that she is desperate to talk to him but can’t bring herself to actually approach him because she is searching for what to say. There is one moment where they catch each other’s eye and they both smile. It’s one of the first genuine emotions we see from Daemon. The way I saw it was that he has all these complex feelings swimming around in him, grief, guilt, regret, frustration, anger amongst many other emotions, he is trying to cope with it all by separating himself from his emotions and from the people around him, trying to find some kind of peace. Then he catches Rhaenyra’s eye and for a moment everything quiets, those emotions don’t seem so overwhelming and he finds a moment of fleeting peace which is what brings that smile to his face, I think it is also very much the same for Rhaenyra, she too is grieving and she too is feeling a hurricane of different emotions but in that one moment where she meets Daemon’s eye she finds an anchor. I do feel like that is what Daemon and Rhaenyra are to each other, their anchor, their rock. They find strength in each other and we see this more as the episode continues. Also I did find it some what amusing that when she sees Daemon leaving after his conversation with Viserys, she immediately jumps on the opportunity to be alone with him. 

There is a very awkward and uncomfortable moment towards the end of this sequence when Viserys is leaving and he tells Alicent he is going to bed but mistakenly calls her Aemma. To be fair to him though, I understand where his confusion came from in this moment. As I said above I don’t think Aemma was far from his thoughts. The last time we saw him at a funeral it was hers and now he is at the funeral of another woman who died in similar circumstances. It is understandable that Aemma is on his mind and in his tiredness he called Alicent his previous wife’s name. Still it had to have hurt Alicent. I think she probably feels like she has been living under Aemma’s shadow ever since she married Viserys. I think she knows that he will never love her the way he loved Aemma and it it also probably frustrating that after doing her duty for years and providing him with three children, two of which are sons, something he longed for whilst married to Aemma, Viserys still clearly favours the daughter he had with Aemma over the children he and Alicent had together. I think that is a bitter pill for Alicent to swallow. 

This Is My Legacy 

This idea of leaving behind a legacy and inheritance, blood vs name comes in this episode too and we mostly see it through Corlys and Rhaenys and how they both respond to their grandchildren. The conversation between them in the hall of nine was very telling. I hated seeing them disagree but it did bring up alot of debate over inheritance and what is more important blood or names. From the start of the conversation it is clear that Rhaenys is struggling with her grief and I do agree that she is searching for someone to blame. Again this is a common reaction to grief. Losing someone can be hard to process and it is natural to want to find a reason why this has happened to someone you love, especially when that person dies young as Laena did. You want to have someone to blame and in this case the easy target is Daemon because he was the one who didn’t want to come home and Rhaenys believes that if Laena were at Driftmark their maesters would have been able to save her, again I think this is a natural response to death wondering if there was some way to prevent it.

Rhaenys calling out Corlys when he brings up her losing the crown was also an intriguing moment. Whilst I do think that to start with Corlys was driven by wanting justice for his wife and whilst I do think that is something that still contributes to his motivations, ultimately over time it has warped into his own ambitions and his own desire to have his own name on the throne. This is where that question of blood vs name comes into play as Rhaenys openly points out that Rhaenyra’s sons are not of their blood. This is something Rhaenys clearly cares about and is why she wants Driftmark to pass to Baela as she does have Laena’s blood and Rhaenys sees this as a way of continuing the legacy of the daughter she lost. Corlys however sees it very differently. It is clear from his conversation with Lucerys that he wants him to be the heir to Driftmark. That scene between Corlys and Lucerys really did break my heart, poor Luke and how he was so upset because he knew that him inheriting Driftmark means everyone is dead, I must admit I teared up at it. This little boy would gladly give up a powerful seat and wealth if it meant he could keep his father and grandfather, I think losing Harwin and then being at this funeral with everyone around him grieving must be very overwhelming for him and I think he’d give anything to not ever feel it ever again. 

But Corlys wants him to have Driftmark partly because he knows denying them and changing the heir to one of Laena’s children will only encourage the gossip about the boys, it is clear that Corlys does have some care towards the boys even though they do not share his blood, what matters to Corlys is that they have his name, as he says history does not remember blood it remembers names. If Corlys puts Baela as the heir then his house will no longer have the seat of Driftmark, something he has worked so hard to build up, something he has pride in. Baela is a Targaryen and bears the Targaryen name, if she were to marry then her heirs would bear her husband’s name so unless she were to marry a Velaryon the house seat could pass out of the Velaryon name, something that Corlys would not want to risk. I suppose one way around it would be to marry Baela or Rhaena to Lucerys and then they both technically inherit Driftmark and their heirs will both bear Velaryon blood like Rhaenys wants and would have the Velaryon name like Corlys wants. But I don’t know how likely that would be or whether Rhaenys would want her Velaryon blooded granddaughter married to her clearly not of our blood grandson. 

A couple of little details I noticed that I thought were quite interesting but might not be that significant, maybe I am looking too closely at it but Rhaenys uses the term not of your blood, she doesn’t say not your grandsons, it also recognises that they are still of her blood due to them both having a Targaryen blood. Its interesting because it would seem that Velaryon blood is more important to her than Targaryen. Also when Corlys points out that naming Baela heir would mean disinheriting their son Rhaenys points out Laenor will be King Consort and his son will be king. So even though she knows they are not of his blood she still refers to them as Laenor’s sons. I do think it is a messy situation and unfortunately the children stuck in the middle are innocent yet still suffer because of it all. 

Take Me To Your Love Shack

I mean we all knew this was going to happen eventually. I did think the conversation they have on the beach tells us where their heads and their hearts are at and how the ten years away from each other and the events that lead up to that separation effected them both. I said in my last review that I thought it was possible that Rhaenyra and Laenor did try to conceive a child but just couldn’t and that was confirmed in this scene and honestly that just made me feel more sorry for them both, they really were put into an impossible and complicated situation. We also got another crumb of insight into Rhaenyra’s relationship with Harwin and how that came about and it again comes back to that theme that was brought up in ep 4 of doing your duty vs finding pleasure. Rhaenyra says that with her and Laenor there was just no joy in it, much as it was with Alicent and Viserys it was all about duty. But, as she says, with Harwin she felt desired and that felt good, she found some semblance of happiness with him and he was able to provide her with heirs. We know that he was devoted to her and that she trusted him. I think her saying she trusted him is an important detail. I can understand the opinion that she could at least have produced children with someone who looked a bit like Laenor, I thought it myself, but I think that is easy to say. As many have pointed out Rhaenyra is playing a dangerous game in having children with someone who is not her husband even if it was with her husband’s approval and knowledge. She couldn’t just sleep with anyone, whoever the birth father of her children was going to be it had to be someone she trusted. I think what happened between her and Criston also plays a part here, by now she likely knows that Criston confessed to Alicent about taking her maidenhead so when choosing to lay with someone outside of her marriage, as per her and Laenor’s agreement, it had to be someone she knew would never betray her and tell. She already knows that Harwin can keep her confidence because he saw her in King’s Landing with Daemon and did not tell anyone. 

What I did love about their talk on the beach is even after ten years they are still open with each other. Rhaenyra has been denying the truth about her sons parentage to everyone but with Daemon she is comfortable enough and trusts him so completely that she is truthful with him and I think it was good for her to just let it all out and talk to someone about it. It is clear that she is regretful of letting Harwin leave for Harrenhal. It is also interesting that when Daemon implies that Otto and Alicent may have had a hand in the deaths of the Strongs she defends Alicent and says that she does not think her capable of murder. I do think that when Daemon brings up people’s capability of depravity they were both thinking about the brothel. You can see Rhaenyra’s facial expression change and she becomes visibly upset. It is what triggers the conversation between them where she expresses how she felt he had abandoned her. I do think this conversation between them was revealing. I think it tells us more about what Daemon was thinking back then. When Daemon says that if she wants to accuse him of depravity then she’ll have to be more specific you can see that frustration and anger come through again but I don’t think it was directed at her but at himself. I think though he is playing dumb he knows she is talking about the brothel. When she talks about how alone she felt and abandoned you can hear that pain in her voice, her sorrow. They aren’t just mourning the loves they have each lost but the time that they could have had with each other. It is interesting that Daemon says he was sparing her. I do think that Daemon’s thinking was that during that brothel scene he was on some level manipulating her, he is aware that he had the power tipped in his favour in that situation even if for a moment she does tip it towards herself and takes control. I think Daemon was worried that with her being young her feelings were a youthful crush as oppose to her truly knowing that he was what she wanted. So whilst she was telling him that she wanted him to take her to dragonstone and make her his wife his doubt kicked in. I think his brother's words to him in episode 4 had more of an impact on himself than he let on and some of his decision to walk away from Rhaenyra was driven by the guilt he felt at taking her to that brothel. He wanted Rhaenyra but he also wanted her to know for sure that she wanted him in return, he wanted to be sure that it was real and because he couldn’t be sure he walked away and saw it as sparing her, sparing her from himself. I think he also got a bit scared about how playing this political game brought out his darker side, so much so that he killed his first wife because he wanted Rhaenyra to take to wife. Marrying Laena and then going to Essos with her was his way of escaping it all and whilst there he found some degree of happiness with Laena. 

The thing about their love scene on the beach is how different it is from their scene in the brothel. Even that first kiss, Rhaenyra makes it clear to Daemon that she is an adult, that this is her choice, that she wants him. There is also the contrast in setting, obviously in the brothel they were surrounded by other people, but here it is only the two of them making it more intimate. In the brothel scene I did feel like it was lustful and passionate with the occasional moment of tenderness here and there. This scene on the beach was very much the opposite of that it was tenderness with moments of passion. I was actually surprised with just how soft and gentle it was. But I think it was making it clear that this was a choice they were both making, they weren’t caught up in the passion of the moment, they were taking their time, they were getting to know each other again, and they were really exploring each other’s bodies for the first time. There was this reverence they had towards each other and they were both there as equals this time, they were helping each other undress and as oppose to turning her away from him Daemon was looking into her eyes. There was also a tinge of desperation in their love making, the way they were pulling each other closer and clinging to each other made it clear that they had missed each other. I also feel like that this moment was about more than just sex for them, it was a moment of vulnerability. Daemon had a moment of vulnerability in that brothel scene but on that occasion he left, he couldn’t deal with it so he ran away but here he stays and lets himself be vulnerable with her, he lets her see his scars both physical and emotional and she lets him see her too. 

I did see some people comparing the shot at the end of the scene with Rhaenyra looking up into the camera with the one between Alicent and Viserys where Alicent is looking ahead with a blank look on her face. I personally don’t get that comparison, the only thing I think the two shots had in common was the angle of the camera, but with Alicent she wasn’t engaging at all, she was staring blankly ahead with her hands on either side of her head and was picking at her nails. Rhaenyra was very much engaged with Daemon, she was caressing him and burying her face into his hair. The way I read it was actually more similar to another scene in ep 4 and it was the shot at the end of Rhaenyra’s love scene with Criston where she has this kind of cat that got the canary look on her face. To me in the beach scene with Daemon, that last shot of her face, it was a look of victory like she had just gotten everything she wanted, I think there was a little look of relief mixed in there too. But I guess everyone interprets things differently this was just the way I read the scene. 

Another issue though is the question of was it too soon after Laena’s death for them to be doing the horizontal tango on the beach? I can understand this argument I mean it is the day of her funeral there is some definite disrespectful vibes there but I found I could kind of accept it because again like laughing at a funeral being a common coping mechanism for grief, believe it or not, so is sex. There is both a biological and psychological reason for it. Biology wise our bodies release a pain reducing hormone during sex so we temporarily get relief from our grief and feel better. Of course this isn’t the healthiest of coping mechanisms but they are both grieving so it would be understandable for that to be making their desire for each other stronger and harder to resist. The psychological side of it is because grief makes us feel numb and makes us confront our own mortality. Lovemaking isn’t just used for pleasure but for creating new life so again it makes sense that when confronted with death we would be drawn to an activity that is so symbolic of life and that makes you feel alive and feel intense emotions when all you feel is numb. I mean it is still messed up that it was on the day of her funeral but I can understand the how and the why of it happening that way. I also think that with Daemon and Rhaenyra you have that added complexity of them spending those ten years apart from each other where they were longing after what ifs and could have beens and well each other. Then there’s the intense feelings of seeing each other again after so long which likely lead to some overwhelming feelings that were only enhanced by their grief. Also with things becoming more and more tense with The Greens and the fact that they are both feeling a bit lost I think they’ve been taken over with a bit of FOMO (fear of missing out) which is also influencing their actions. 

The Flight Of Dragons

This scene of Aemond claiming Vhagar and flying her for the first time was hands down, by far, one of the best scenes of the series so far. I just loved all of it. Throughout the beginning of the episode we are teased that Vhagar is there by her cries echoing over the funeral and wake. Which in itself was so sad hearing how she too was grieving the loss of her rider. I mean you have got to give Aemond some props for even attempting to claim Vhagar let alone actually succeeding. The scene really builds the tension too and the moment you see Aemond approaching Vhagar really lets you appreciate just how enormous Vhagar is. I mean you need a literal ladder to climb up onto her back. I loved the close up shot of her eye opening when Aemond first goes to touch the rope ladder. I also liked the moment when Vhagar opens her mouth and you can see the fire begin to glow but then Aemond calms her, that shot of Aemond standing in front of her face is also an amazing shot that again really highlights how big this dragon really is. 

Something else I really enjoyed was how once he is up on her back Vhagar puts Aemond through his paces and its almost like she is testing him to see if he is worthy to be her rider, its like she is saying ‘oh so you want to be my rider, well then lets see what you are made of, lets see if you can handle this’ and then just proceeds to make it the roughest ride ever. I do like that its a little call back to what Aegon says to him after bringing the pig, mind you mount her carefully the first flight is always rough, or something along those lines. I won’t lie I did find it comical when you see Aemond literally dangling off the back of this dragon by the ropes as she takes off and flies up. There were some really beautiful shots in this sequence too, like the moment when she dives down and disappears for a moment before sweeping over the dune, or when she is flying over the water and touching it with her wings. But my favourite moment has to be the shot of her flying over the moon. 

Another thing I really liked about this scene was the progression of Aemond as a rider and the bond forming between him and Vhagar. At first you can see he is really struggling he is barely able to stay on the dragon and is literally clinging on for dear life. But as the flight goes on you see him gaining more control over Vhagar until eventually he’s not just along for the ride but the actual rider of Vhagar. He takes control and she is now taking commands from him. The entire sequence was just incredible. 

In The Land Of The Blind The One Eyed Man Is King 

Some drama does arise from Aemond claiming Vhagar though and this is one of the situations where I can see where both sides are coming from. Naturally Rhaena and Baela are upset that Aemond has claimed Vhagar and even I will admit that claiming her on the eve of their mother’s funeral did show a lack of consideration and empathy on Aemond’s part. Vhagar was their mother’s dragon and Rhaena had hoped to claim her seeing as she also does not have a dragon. I can understand why Baela and Rhaena were upset and angry at Aemond. On the flipside of that Aemond doesn’t really know the girls and didn’t know Laena so he has no emotional investment in that at all so he likely wouldn’t have thought about how these girls he doesn’t know will feel about him claiming this particular dragon. It just doesn’t cross his mind. He saw an opportunity to finally have a dragon and he took it. 

However the girls’ grief has turned this into a volatile situation and because of Aemond’s insensitive attitude towards them it quickly turns ugly and fists start swinging. Jace very much jumps in to protect Baela and Rhaena and then Luke joins in because he wants to defend his brother. I do think that the boys grief over Harwin and the girls over Laena brought the four of them together and they quickly formed a bond which in turn has made them very protective of each other, they have kind of banded together. So when Aemond insults one of them its like he is insulting all of them and they all feel angry on each other’s behalf which just means the situation only escalates. 

It becomes particularly tense when Aemond grabs Luke, who I believe is the youngest of the bunch, by the throat and then threatens him with a rock whilst telling him he will die screaming like his father. Obviously this confuses Luke because he is too young to understand all these rumours about his parentage. It only angers Jace further though and that is when the knives come out, literally. Aemond does actually manage to hit Jace with the rock and then threatens him further with it. It really did feel like in that moment that Aemond wanted to hurt and maybe even kill Jace until Jace throws dirt in his face and then Luke gets his eye with the knife. I mean naturally that scene is horrifying because a kid loses his eye but it was already pretty dark before then, it did give me some lord of the flies type vibes. 

I do think that claiming Vhagar and going from someone who was mocked for not having a dragon to being the rider of the largest dragon there is sent Aemond on a bit of a power trip and brought out a darker side to him. It made him feel invincible. It is very hard to say who is at fault here because yes Luke did permanently harm Aemond, he lost his eye. But then Aemond seemed very intent on harming them and they very much felt like they were in danger of being killed and so sought to protect themselves and each other, I don’t think Luke meant to take out Aemond’s eye it was just an instinctive reaction to his brother being in danger, he was lashing out at a threat. I mean ultimately I think I am going to blame the adults in this one as the tension between the kids was cultivated by them. They learnt to hate each other through the example set by their parents. 

Night Of The Long Knives 

Eventually the kids are found by the King’s Guard and brought to the hall of nine were alot of people are gathered. I did think Viserys had every right to be angry at his King’s Guard for allowing this to happen. At least Ser Westerling apologised but Criston’s excuse of we don’t usually have to protect princes from princes was such a cop out and he was clearly trying to pass the blame onto Daemon and Rhaenyra’s kids. But really when you look at it, the King’s Guard are responsible for keeping the members of the royal family safe and yet not just one but five kids managed to get past them and sneak off into the night where they got into a fight and several of them got injured one of them permanently. They failed in their job to keep those kids safe and the excuse well they were supposed to be in bed isn’t good enough, they should not have been able to go missing like that without the King’s guard being aware, do the kid’s not have guards and protectors themselves? Why wasn’t anyone guarding the doors of these kids or at least patrolling the corridor their rooms were in? 

This entire scene in the hall of nine was crazy, and drama and just so tense, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Once again I can understand both sides and the motives of all the characters involved but I do feel myself leaning more towards the side of The Blacks and I do think this is because the writers want you to support them and the way they do this is through the way the two sides are presented in this scene. By no means is either side innocent but if you look at The Blacks they very much present a united front, even with the fight with the kids they were standing up for each other and defending each other, fighting for each other. In contrast to that the Greens seem very divided to me. You have Aemond throwing Aegon under the bus, earlier in the episode Aegon was insulting his sister, Alicent turns on Aegon and blames him for Aemond getting hurt even though Aegon had been told to get to bed by Otto. So when you are presented with one side who are united and another who are in shambles I think it is natural for the audience to lean more towards and find the united side more appealing. Also I think the audience all wants to root for Rhaenyra and we want to see her on the throne so that again makes you more inclined towards her side. 

An interesting moment in this scene is when Rhaenyra outright says that her sons were called bastards. This was a risky move because it brings the rumours and gossip about her sons into the public eye and there is no hiding from it anymore. But it was also a calculated move on Rhaenyra’s part. Up until now she has been hiding from the gossip and running away from it and so it has just grown and become more and more of a problem. I think with Daemon at her back it gives her the confidence and courage to confront the issue. The situation is messy because technically her trying to put bastards in the succession line is treason. But then questioning the legitimacy of the children of the heir to the throne is also treason, suggesting the heir stepped out of her marriage and acted inappropriately is treason especially if you are throwing these statements around without any proof. This is the dilemma Alicent is in because whilst everyone might know that Jace, Luke and Joffrey are not Laenor’s there is a reason why nobody else is voicing it, there’s a reason why Lyonel didn’t say it outright. They know the consequences of making a statement like that. It could result in themselves being charged with treason or if some evidence is found then the children could face exile or even death and nobody wants to see those children hurt, well except for Alicent apparently. The biggest problem Alicent has is that she cannot prove without a shadow of a doubt that those kids aren’t Laenor’s. She needs someone directly involved to come out and confess to it. It was why she was so eager when Lyonel started to talk about the dark cloud over his house and why Lyonel was so careful not to say anything concrete. Even if Lyonel had confessed his suspicions it might not have been enough, really I think it would have taken either Harwin or Rhaenyra herself confessing to really bring about any action being taken against them. There has been alot of debate around the law when it comes to this issue with Rhaenyra's children but here’s the thing the law only matters if the King enforces it and as we have seen time and time again Viserys very rarely does. The worst he has done is send Daemon into exile when he has acted up and he most certainly would not want to punish his daughter so instead he bends over backwards to defend her. I think Rhaenyra knows that her father will take her side so she brings the question about her sons into the light of day to be confronted full on. What does she gain by doing this? Well she gets the king to publicly declare that questioning her sons legitimacy is treason and will have severe punishment, seeing as the King’s word is pretty much law itself she essentially gets her father to publicly legitimise her sons without ever admitting herself that they are bastards. Not only that but it puts alot of pressure onto Alicent when Viserys demands to know from Aemond who told him this gossip. Aemond ultimately throws Aegon into the line of fire but Aegon seems genuinely surprised that he is named as the culprit and from the way Aemond was staring at his mother I think its pretty clear that she was the one who told him, both boys make the choice to protect their mother but you can tell from the way Alicent tried to deflect away from it by saying that it was just courtyard talk amongst boys that she knows she’s in potentially very hot water right now. She has been very vocal herself to the king about her suspicions and been told on several occasions to let it go. I suspect from the way he stared and spoke directly to Alicent when he said anyone questioning the parentage of the boys would have their tongues removed that he knew that it was really her that had told their children these rumours. 

In some ways I can understand Alicent’s frustration, she has been the dutiful wife and always done what was expected of her and yet she sees Rhaenyra as shirking her duty and just doing whatever she wants, she sees her as being entitled and it must be maddening when you know a truth and you know everyone around you also knows it but everyone else is just turning a blind eye to it and pretending there isn’t any issue at all. I can also understand that as a mother she is upset that her child has been hurt and yet no punishment has been brought to those who harmed him and that his own father isn’t doing anything to enforce a punishment. But she lost a lot of sympathy I may have had for her when she demanded the eye of Rhaenyra’s son as payment. It one thing for Aemond to lose an eye in the heat of a fight between kids who are reacting impulsively to the situation as its unfolding. Its another thing entirely for an adult to demand the eye of a child, no matter the circumstances. Like I said I understand the pain Alicent is feeling at seeing her child hurt and that is driving her actions in this moment but its just dark and seeing little Lucerys terrified and hiding behind his mother only made it worse. I did have some begrudging respect for Criston when Alicent tasks him with taking the eye and says she is sworn to him that he made it clear he was sworn to her as her protector and not as her enforcer. However with that boundary set I do think she will turn to Larys to perform her dirty work later down the line. 

I won’t lie I did find it amusing that Daemon was just leaning against the door taking all the drama in and looking thoroughly entertained. I think in this moment we get a peak of the old Daemon. Before this as I’ve mentioned before he’s been more muted and despondent and just not himself as we’ve seen in not just the beginning of this episode but last episode too. I think being back and being with Rhaenyra has relit that dragon fire within him. 

The whole thing comes to a head when Alicent decides to take things into her own hands and takes the dagger and charges down the room towards Rhaenyra and her sons, whether she was aiming for Rhaenyra or one of her sons I’m not entirely sure but it sure was an intense scene. I think Daemon doesn’t get involved until Cole moves forward because he knows this is Rhaenyra’s fight and that she has to be the one to confront Alicent. He is there as her backup, he’s her anchor in this scene and her rock that gives her the strength to act, he stops Cole to make sure he doesn’t interfere in that.

 There was also a kind of irony to Alicent saying that Rhaenyra didn’t do her duty and she didn’t make any sacrifices when we know that Rhaenyra did try to do her duty and that she made sacrifices, its interesting that you have that shot of the dagger with the fire behind it really highlighting that a huge part of Rhaenyra’s duty is ensuring her blood, her line continues. I said this before but whilst yes technically Rhaenyra is in the wrong for having bastards and trying to pass them of as her husbands her situation is very complicated. She was married to a gay man and then told to go and produce heirs, on top of that she had this added pressure of the prophecy her father passed onto her about making sure her line continues. She tries to produce heirs with Laenor but it never takes and so she is left with limited options. 

Coming at Rhaenyra with that dagger was not a good look for Alicent as it made Rhaenyra look like the victim and as Alicent said herself it made it look like she had lost her mind and that is the narrative that is already being passed around. It’s only made worse by the fact that she cut Rhaenyra. Honestly I think in this case she is lucky that Viserys is a passive King who doesn’t really enforce laws because she technically assaulted the heir to the throne which I feel like could carry the death sentence.  I didn’t think anything could make me hate Otto anymore until that scene with him and Alicent when he was pretty much congratulating her on attacking Rhaenyra and saying that it was worth Aemond losing an eye because they had Vhagar. I mean having Vhagar is definitely a win for Team Green but there is just something so wrong with his own grandfather valuing a dragon over the well being of Aemond himself. I do think Alicent is going to become more dangerous now and I am worried about that conversation she has with Larys on the boat about needing a friend who is skilled and discreet. I think she has Criston as her protector but she will use Larys as her enforcer. 

Pursuit Of Happiness 

 I loved the scene between Laenor and Rhaenyra because it was so raw and real and honest. There was alot of regret in that room and yet there was also understanding. They aren’t blaming each other for what has happened but they are still accepting their situation. I loved how quickly Rhaenyra jumped in to say she did not when he said he hated the gods for the way he was made. I think there is a real platonic love between them that is refreshing to see and Rhaenyra does have a genuine love for Laenor. But I do think that when Laenor talks about how sometimes you can’t have duty and love and that he is willing to give up happiness for her and do his duty by her because she deserves to have a husband I think Rhaenyra has a bit of an epiphany. It reminds her that she wanted that husband to be Daemon. She realises that if she married Daemon not only could she do her duty but she could have happiness too, she could have both. She could also spare Laenor a lifetime of misery and give him the chance at happiness too. I think its at this moment that Rhaenyra hatches her lets fake Laenor’s death so I can marry Daemon plot.

I will admit that at first I really did think that Daemon and Rhaenyra were legit going to kill Laenor and I was so upset, like rage filled. I got a bit suspicious when Daemon snapped that page’s neck but then I thought oh maybe he is clearing the way for Qarl to get into the hall, but then when I saw that they had burned the body I was like hold up a moment there’s only one reason you burn a body and that’s to hide the identity and then when I saw Laenor in that boat it was like hallelujah no deaths for my favourite characters today. I am glad that Laenor gets to sail off into the sunset with his man. However its not all rosy as it did mean that poor innocent page had to die which is not great but I have managed to find my peace with it seeing as he was only on screen for about a second and so I was not overly attached to him and its a price I am willing to accept in exchange for the happiness of some of my favourite characters, rip to that page though your sacrifice will be duly honoured. Also my heart just breaks for Corlys and Rhaenys, like to lose your daughter and then on the eve of her funeral to learn that your son has been killed, I just can’t imagine how devastating that must be. I also feel bad for those poor children like they must be reeling. The girls lose their mother, the boys lose their father and the next thing they know their other parents are suddenly getting married. A lot has happened to them in the last like 24 hours.

It was interesting to see a Valyrian wedding but was anyone else worried about how much blood Rhaenyra lost this episode, first she gets cut by Alicent and it looks like she lost a good amount of blood there, I don’t know how long after that the wedding is but she is then cutting her hand and losing what looked like a good amount of blood during that ceremony too, I hope someone gave her a cookie or something after that. In all seriousness though it was a beautiful ceremony in that they both looked so happy to be together finally. I liked the scene where Rhaenyra proposed to him too. She spoke to him in Valyrian and she pointed out the advantages to him, but I think the most important part was that she said she needed him. I said in earlier episode reviews that I believed all Daemon really wanted was for his family to want him, to need him. In this episode we see Rhaenyra tell him both, that she wants him and that she needs him. I also think the proposal scene is an interesting parallel to his conversation with Viserys at the wake because there you see Viserys ask if Daemon needs anything and Daemon is unable to answer he also refuses to come back to Westeros. Yet here Rhaenyra is saying that she needs him and ultimately he does decide to stay in Westeros but for her. Them marrying each other is also a show of power and it brings alot more dragons under their yoke and onto their side. The Greens currently have three dragons I believe, admittedly one of those is the largest dragon there is. However by marrying they now have 5 dragons, if Joffrey’s egg hatches that’s six and if Rhaena gets a dragon egg or claims a dragon which she has the potential to, that’s 7. On top of that if Daemon and Rhaenyra have children together they could potentially be dragon riders and own dragons too which gives them that edge over the greens. Also some people even after the birth of Aegon still considered Daemon as a potential heir, he seems to be well liked by the people of King’s Landing as he spent alot of time there so people might be more accepting of Rhaenyra’s claim with her married to a Targaryen prince. Afterall two heirs together is better than one. 

Throughout the scene Daemon is looking away from Rhaenyra and is sitting. I do think this is largely because he is trying to process it all. I mean he is being offered everything he ever wanted ten years ago, something that he had given up hope on ever having, to be needed by his family, to be wanted by someone, to have Rhaenyra as his wife. But he also knows the cost of that and I think he is also aware of how his desire for those things can bring out darker sides to him. He knows he is capable of killing to get what he wants and he also knows that Laenor has to die in order for him to get those things. I think part of the reason he doesn’t look at Rhaenyra is an attempt to tamper down those impulses, if he looks at her then he knows he’ll just immediately agree. But this isn’t the same as it was with Rhea Royce, Laenor is someone he cares about which makes it more complicated. I think when Daemon finally looks at her and states that fact of Laenor needing to die he is genuinely shocked when Rhaenyra says she knows. But they come up with the best case scenario, faking Laenor’s death. They know that people will whisper that they had something to do with it and that will make them feared. Which might not be a bad thing. I do worry about how it will effect their relationship with Corlys and Rhaenys though. Also Viserys, I suspect, is going to be furious that they married without his permission and so soon after they lost their spouses.  

The wedding as I said above was strangely beautiful, I loved their ceremonial outfits and Rhaenyra’s headdress. I do wish that they had put the subtitles up for the wedding vows that were being spoken, apparently a translation was released, I don’t know how accurate it is but it seems legit:

Blood of two, joined as one Ghostly flame and song of shadow. Two hearts as embers, forged in fourteen fires A future promised in glass, the stars stand witness. The vow spoken through time, of darkness and light.

They are very touching, romantic vows and very Targaryen what with the blood and fire references, I do love learning more about the Valyrian culture. I do think that whilst there are clear political advantages to their marriage they also did this because of genuine feelings they have towards each other and that can be seen in the way they kiss during the ceremony. I do think a part of the reason why they married so quickly was because they didn’t want Viserys getting wind of what they were planning and potentially stopping them. But I also some of it comes back to that FOMO they are both feeling. That feelings that they don’t want to miss out on anymore time they could spend together. Also they have both in the past been forced into marriages for political reasons and I think there’s that fear that they might be again if they wait too long. 

I did see some debate over how Laenor still being alive effects the legitimacy of their marriage. Some are saying that it means that any children Daemon and Rhaneyra have would also be bastards and so now matter what all targaryens after that don’t have a legitimate claim to the throne. I’ve seen arguments saying that’s not correct because Targaryens practise polygamy so all marriages and all heirs form those marriages are legitimate. There’s some that argue that polygamy isn’t recognised in Westeros so that makes their marriage illegitimate and so too their heirs. Though you could argue that by that logic no targaryen has had a legitimate claim to the throne after Aegon the conqueror as he had two wives and polygamy was never really accepted in Westeros. Maegor had I think it was like six wives. Many have pointed out if the Targaryen practise of polygamy was acceptable then they wouldn’t have needed to fake Laenor’s death as Rhaenyra could have just taken Daemon as a second husband, which to be fair is a pretty good point. The way I see it is in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. As Viserys told Rhaenyra in ep 4 the truth doesn’t matter only perception does and as far as everyone but the few that are in on it know Laenor is dead, Daemon and Rhaenyra are married and their children are legitimate. I also personally think that whilst Laenor may still be alive in the eyes of the law he is dead. If they have death certificates or some way of recording deaths then he has been declared legally dead therefore legally his marriage to Rhaenyra would have been dissolved as Daemon’s to Rhea’s was when she died, and how Laena and Daemon’s has been now she has passed. Therefore technically legally speaking their marriage is valid. It is definitely a muddy situation though. But that’s how I see it personally. 

Anyway I think that is everything I have for this week’s review. As always I am super excited for the next episode. 

[cassiavioletblue]

"It's pitch black and I can still see you blushing." With yoonkook? Please!

Here you go anon :D I hope you like it!

(Fun fact: the word count for this is 1234 XD)

-----

Yoongi sighed. Coming home at this hour meant coming home to quiet and even though he was happy that the members got some rest and went to sleep early for once he always preferred coming home to their visible presence.

It made such a difference, being greeted with a ‚Welcome home‘ or ‚Yoongi, quick, come over here, you can‘t miss this!‘

After having been alone in the past for so long and fending for himself he would have never thought that he would get so used to this so quickly. It was almost scary sometimes, how much his heart ached for this feeling of home and safety and family, how much he actually depended on the others.

He tried not to let it show too much but he must be doing a poor job at it because he knew that at least Namjoon had picked up on it if the fond glances he sent his way whenever Yoongi let his guard down a little were anything to go by. Luckily Namjoon was very respectful and unobtrusive with his observations so Yoongi never really felt put on the spot.

Sometimes he wished showing affection and allowing himself to be vulnerable would come easy to him the way it came to others, like Taehyung for example, but he simply couldn’t get rid of the defensive mechanisms that he had gathered over the years and that seemed to need twice as much time to be deconstructed as it had needed them to be built.

Yoongi closed his eyes as he got rid of his coat and the scarf, imagining what he would do if he could be emotionally fearless. There were a lot of things he wanted to do but the most important, most pressing one would be to make a confession. It shouldn’t be so hard to talk about his feelings, especially not to someone he had known for years and yet, putting the honest, heartfelt truth into words seemed impossible at times.

He loved Jungkook, he was absolutely certain of that and yet he also loved what they had right now. Jungkook relied on him, trusted him, confided in him whenever he needed someone to cheer him up. He didn’t want to change that or make things difficult between them just because he couldn’t keep his emotions in check.

And yet, he simply couldn’t help himself: a single smile of their youngest could light up his day, a hug could send his heart beat into overdrive and his voice…

As if his mind had summoned it from pure will and longing alone the quiet was suddenly broken by a faint sound. Someone was humming; that someone being Jungkook because Yoongi would always recognize that angelic voice. No matter how far away or quiet or late in the night it was, he’d always know who that voice belonged to whenever he’d hear it.

Yoongi followed the sound like he was under a spell, bewitched by the sweetness of Jungkook's soft voice.

It was still dark in the hallway, but after a few steps he could see a faint light coming from the kitchen, as if someone had opened the fridge.

A sudden warmth bloomed in Yoongi’s chest as he listened to Jungkook’s quiet singing and when he was close enough he could finally make out the words too. Jungkook was singing a love song.

It was a slow, lovely and utterly romantic song about how finding your other half turned your life on its head, made you grow and learn to be a better person because you wanted the best for them and how their love left you irrevocably changed no matter what happened after.

It was doing something to Yoongi’s heart, something dangerous but he couldn’t stop listening. It was simply too…

„Beautiful!“

He only realized that he had breathed the word out loud when Jungkook made a surprised little sound in his throat and closed the door to the fridge reflexively. Immediately the small light was gone and they were both left standing in darkness again.

„Y.. yoongi? When did you come home?“

Jungkook sounded breathless and shy and Yoongi was glad for the dark because it meant he could let the fond smile spread all over his face without needing to hide it.

„I’ve only been back a few minutes. I was trying to sneak to my room without waking anyone, I didn’t mean to startle or fluster you. Please continue, don’t let my presence stop you from singing. It was a lovely song.“

„Oh uhm, it’s fine. I’m not flustered, by the way.“ Yoongi chuckled softly.

„Please. It's pitch black and I can still see you blushing."

He wished he could actually see it too, because Jungkook with rosy cheeks was an incredibly cute sight but it was also strangely comfortable to just stand there together in the kitchen with him in the dark and so he didn’t make any move to turn on a light.

Jungkook made an indignant sound that had Yoongi wishing he could kiss the pout – that was undoubtedly there – right from his lips.

„Okay, maybe a little. Only because you surprised me though. I didn’t expect anyone to be up.“ „Understandable.“ Yoongi nodded automatically, even though the other couldn’t see it and then carefully walked into the direction of where the chairs should be so he could sit down.

„What were you doing here anyways? Did you get hungry?“

With their busy schedules and regular time zone switches getting hungry in the middle of the night wasn’t unusual and while Yoongi was often too lazy to get up again to eat after he’d already gotten comfortable in his bed, he knew that especially the youngers enjoyed some snacks in the night before going back to sleep.

„I was trying to get a midnight snack,“ Jungkook confirmed his hunch and then sighed heavily. „But there’s nothing delicious in the fridge.“ Yoongi hummed in acknowledgement.

„I didn’t have time to eat dinner today, so I could eat something too. Want me to make us some noodles real quick?“ „Really?“

He could basically hear Jungkook beaming at him in the dark and so he added „I might need to turn on the light for that though.“ Jungkook’s answering giggle was as sweet as sugar and just seconds after the light switched on.

„Sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you in the dark.“

Yoongi shook his head.

„Don’t worry. It was kind of nice. Resting my eyes and everything.“ The truth was he loved to be with Jungkook, no matter the place, time or ‚lighting conditions‘. Someday he might be brave enough to tell him. Not right now though.

Now he would make them noodles and they could eat them on their bedroom floor like they had done a few times before. He would watch Jungkook eat and get all fond over the younger’s nose scrunches and eyebrow furrows and then, after a quick trip to the bathroom Jungkook would tell him that he was ‚way too full to move‘ and that he therefore ‚needed to sleep in Yoongi’s room‘ and Yoongi would pretend to be annoyed but be secretly happy and they’d end up cuddling in his bed and falling asleep like that, just like they had done before.

So maybe confessing his feelings wasn’t that important, he could just be happy with this. 

Or maybe, maybe, Jungkook already knew.

[septembersghost]

The review you recently posted about Harry's house is something I felt regarding 1989. I know lot of people here consider haylor as one sided love and other sided fling but I never felt that way. In almost all harry songs he seemed confident that she loves him. I can feel your heart inside mine, will you ever love me AGAIN(implying she loved him first time), even Him is like 'I know you love me you are pretending you dont. I don't think she would take him back so many times for 3 years straight don't think he would feel this way if she didn't do things that made him feel this sure.(this is a clear contrast to camille where he is aware he write too many songs about her). The fact that Taylor compared haylor to roschel(a relationship where both loved the other) and was petty enough to like a tweet calling him immature (after yacht kiss with kendall Jenner ) tells me that she definitely had something more than 'fun hookup' . Plus harry was only ex Calvin hated to the point where he blocked everyone with harry picture in profile (god he was a d*ckhead).

I feel like Taylor let us into her and harry's relationship in a polished way. Like she says the story in 'taylor swift ' way without putting taylor in it. Because there isn't a track that makes you feel like oh fuck! And in songs that are sad she disguises it with heavy production and makes a point of "hey he made the first move". Thus it comes across as unemotional or unimportant or 'she didnt love him' way.Like you said She made a perfect pop album but not a perfect Taylor album.

i've mentioned this, but i do think a factor in the misperception is that the fact that it was extended years of on again and off again isn't as widely known, so there's this idea that it was much shorter lived. what's strange to me is when i see comments saying there's no real love on 1989 itself, because it is very present and very much the pulse of the record to me, but it's a different *kind* of love than red was, or than joe is now. there tends to be this...dismissal? of the fact that we love different people in very different ways, romantically and otherwise, and no two relationships will be the same. the glossy polish of the album and some of it being kept at arm's length or wrapped in anxiety doesn't negate the emotion that is there, you know? we just have to search a bit more for its vulnerability. but the concept that it was one-sided or not real or impactful to her is baffling to me, and not something i knew fans even thought until recently! there's nothing that suggests to me that it didn't matter to her, it was so much of them feeling that connection but struggling to be on the same page at the same time. and i guess it's difficult to talk about because if we acknowledge it was meaningful, we get characterized as "shippers," which... 😵 they're real people, first and foremost, and we're not clamoring for them like a fictional couple, we're just looking at what did happen and what's been expressed in the music, and it's interesting primarily *because* we do have his side as response.

(i wasn't on twitter and i intensely disliked CH at the time, so i didn't see that firsthand, but my friend has told me about him blocking people over their icons and it's so ridiculously petty.)

but yes that's very much how 1989 feels, it's sparkly and a little disguised and genius in its production, but it's almost like the absence of some of the raw edge she's known for makes it feel slightly less emotionally present, and so much of that stemmed from her desire to pivot away from what came before. her classic hallmarks aren't as clear because that was the intent, creating that more tightly curated pop record. it's a great listen! it's just a little less revealing.

[velvetporcelain]

thought bulimia 🧠

I had a long conversation with my father today. He’s lonely and needs someone to vent to so I allow it. He wants reassurance and support and I gladly give it. That man has set the bar so high for my vision of what it means to be a man and a father.

That man may have disappointed me but he never hurt me. Maybe because he didn’t know how to emotionally connect. Maybe he had gone his entire life without that connection, no I know he has.

He is an emotional man. Angry, sad, happy. He dives into his emotions deeply and they sound very much like telling old war stories. He lets anger and paranoia get the best of him. He thinks everyone is against him. It’s an automatic defense mode thing where if he prepares for disappointment or disaster now, he will not have to bear the burden.

I have never held anything against him. He was always just there when I needed a parent with no judgments. None at all. Only empathy, support and comfort. Now it is time for me to give him those things. I do. Willingly.

I have been really trying to keep connected with him like I do my mother. More regular “hi dad please have a good day” I love my ability to pull my energy back to me and put it where I want it, with certainty and with love, not for love.

I love loving people into life. Love can change SO much. Its power remains misunderstood because I know everyone believes in love. Even the sadistic and sick fucks out there that love to be sick and sadistic. People know love. This convinces me more to believe that love is life. Love is all you need. Love is all you want. No matter if you’re looking for it in the corporate world or in the human world. Love is water. Love is sustaining. I’m convinced it comes before food on the needs list. Feeling love IS choosing love. You will start to feel like you love yourself a bit more after every time you choose love.

Really- what do you think of when you think of the word love? No second guessing. I think love is choosing love. But it is so board of a word that we will forever be experiencing what other people think is love and some people love the same and some people love differently, so that leaves an infinite amount of chances to experience love everyday. The more I give it a chance the more I start to learn about love. Note the different methods of love and at what the different dosages are. People are so broken that I think they think broken people need the most dosage of love. I beg to differ. Micro-dosing with love is probably the best method I have found so far. Instead of big huge presentations of love, I micro-dose them throughout my day when I feel the humanly urge to love, which is pretty much always. I mean come on, I’m a woman, REMEMBER THAT.

Love does not have to be fancy, it is completely fucking free. Love does not showboat. Love is a little tiny red mushroom in the forest. It is potent.

I am really at the age where I realized how fucking difficult it is parenting. They gave me a good life, I wouldn’t be me without it.

My dad told me today that he is scared of death and he kinda wants to live now. The vulnerability and honesty in his voice I cannot forget. He said that he use to not care if he died. He said that. And now, he cares. I can’t help but think that this may have something do my recent micro-dosing of love. He is sorta my test subject now 👀 muahaha. No but seriously. I can’t believe my dad said that. He has called me everyday since Thursday? Friday? Almost always forty five minutes? It’s been really good healing for both of us. I plan to keep it this way the rest of my life with him. I love seeing the immense opportunities to apply the same social media ideology. You know the “likes” and the “little red hearts” - that’s what people think love is, again, cannot hold that against them because I do not enjoy that idea of love. Feel me? So. I redirect the urge to want short bursts of love from whatever meaningless platform it could come from and create it myself. I talk to the people that really matter to me and give me meaningful perspectives on life.

Ugh my dad, you know? I want to know more about him. So that’s my winter goal.

1. Talk to my dad more.

Your winter goal is-

1. micro-dose with love as much as possible. Keep yourselves and others warm. 🥰

I have to go now that I have just puked my mind all over the keyboard.

-x

[dykeyote]

can i hear more abt jeddie and yvonne. i want to see your vision

GRABS YOU BY THE SHOULDERS these ade words i dream of hearing constantly . anyway um i find it fascinating that despite how Different they are in so many ways, especially in college - like yvonne puts it, he was a good christian and she was a party goth - but the main cohesive similarity they seem to have is smt of a shared difficulty with Difficult conversations . not necessarily conflict, but sad and vulnerable sorts of emotional convos - yvonne can confidently argue w joshua in friendship of enemies, but fumbles when it comes to doing so in order to make jedidiah stay, which makes me feel like the thought of it makes her partic nervous? (literally yes i know im interpreting so muxh onto yvonne its HAAAARD when the chnt women have such little development) as well as how she gets particularly frustrated w joshua in friendship of enemies any time he brings up smt that makes her Sad (the destruction of rowan's co-counswlor and jedidiah avoiding them, namely) . which reminds me a lot of Jedidiahs method of choice of dealing w vulnerable sad emotions, i.e completely avoiding the source of rhem. which makes me feel like thats a large part of why they grew to be so close? because yvonne is like ..... the closest thing to a healthy relationship jedidiah has - theres issues there but absolutely nowhere near the degree of his catastrophically fucked up relationships to the two Other close people in his life, sydney and lucille. yvonne apparently feels so strongly abt jedidiah being weird and avoidant that that theyve been talking to joshua about it all summer . they were clearly CLOSE despite jedidiah hating his college years and i think that ties into their respective dodginess around emotional vulnerabilitty - ALTHOUGH its worth noticing that yvonne is Not as bad as jedidiah in this regard, and seems to have a healthy coping mechanism for this feeling (being able to confide in joshua and get joshuas help with dealing w their emotions) as well as being able to reach out to jedidiah even if it takes the whole summer and being able to recognize that u shouldnt avoid issues until they blow up in ur face even tho to a degree they sorta do that w jedidiah w how long rhey took to ever really bring it up or properly reach out to jedidiah with their concerns in college before it got awful . i in some ways view yvonne as a somewhat healthier version of jedidiah in that sense? (i could get into closeted analysis of the fact that jedidiahs healthier and somewhat more emotionally intelligent counterpart is nonbinary but we're already getting into so much stretching as it is that i dont think i can stretch it even further without it verging on the delirious ramblings of a madman) and i just find that dynamic interesting . yvonne i think is a lot braver than jedidiah is but iv always seen her as struggling w a certain kind of vulnerability rhat jedidiah has also always struggled w . but this is a lor of me hcing lol . also i think they have fun 2getha and yvonne goths him up for fun sometimes and they play video games together and go on rambles abt them to each othef

[arisecounselingandcoaching]

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