#and it's the experience I'd otherwise miss out on just because i want to make sure it ends properly

[schrijverr]

just so you know im scratching your door and looking up at you like a wet cat with big, pathetic eyes, begging for a new chapter of I didn't mean to say I do, but I do every week. I need that entire fic yesterday please, have mercy I'm just cat. I need sustenance.

(genuine question, why didn't you post the entire thing at once if you have it written? as someone who LOVES your fics, I go insane waiting for new chapters to drop)

kisses and cuddles because you're amazing. mwah!!! 😚💗💐

ahhhhdjjdjdjkdjd thank you so so much! This means the world to me, so thank you <333 I am so happy my fic is giving people brainrot :D

And as for your question, the reason I don't is because of asks like this and comments. It might seem self absorbed, but I spend three months working on I didn't mean to say I do, but I do I do And I worked on it with love, it's my baby, it's probably the fic I'm most proud of to date. And the reason I'm only posting now and not as I go, is because I want to make sure there will be an ending, because I myself don't want to be haunted by projects I never finish and leaving people hanging when they got invested in my creation, which is highly appreciated.

However, when you post it in one go (as I've done on my unfinished side pseud), you just don't get the same engagement. And that's fine. People are allowed to read and not comment, but when you've poured so much work and effort into a thing, you want to talk with people about it, get excited about the details that will be glossed over in the bigger picture comments at the end. You can't do that when people breeze through it in a day. So, when I write big fics like this, I post them on a set schedule knowing I'll never miss an update or leave people hanging, while still getting the fandom experience of posting as I go.

Because seeing the same faces pop up every time, getting to know commenters and talk about my fic with them, seeing how what I put so much effort in have an impact, makes it so much nicer to write. Yeah, yeah, write for yourself and I do, but I post to have a fandom experience and a part of that is the wait and the community

I hope that's a good answer and I don't sound like a massive bitch haha

.

(and as a sidenote, up until the reveal I have a carefully planned correlating to the chapters AUAUs posting schedule planned, but after the reveal I can probably be bribed into maybe posting chapters early)

[valerie-is-in-the-cupboard]

So, I have a teeny-tiny question that's been on my mind the past few days: Does Vox have a mouth?

Like... we can definitely see him drink coffee, but... I don’t know, it's really weird to think about.

Honestly, out of all the sinners, I think he has one of the worst hellish appearances because... I don't even think he can sleep (if he sleeps at all and doesn’t just plug himself in for charging) in any other position besides laying on his back.

Okay, but like, imagine him getting frustrated because he can’t kiss his s/o. They kiss him before they leave, but it feels like kissing a screen, right? He just sits there, his smile slowly fading because that's all he can experience.

I also think he works extra hard on foreplay because he can’t give oral to his s/o, so he tries to make up for it—not necessarily because his s/o asks, but because he wants to prove he doesn’t need that to get them in the mood.

Also, I feel like he’d hate going on dates to restaurants because, well... he can’t eat anything. I imagine there are moments when he just lays there, remembering how food tasted when he was human, and part of him misses the experience. Not eating out of hunger, but just because you feel like it, you know?

Showers? Maybe, if he's waterproof. Otherwise, no showers with his s/o, which probably drives him crazy.

Warning! Short, sad drabble ahead!!

Imagine Vox and his s/o having sex, and he leans in, his screen touching their face. They're so close, yet so far away, like a window separating them completely. His thrusts suddenly stop, and he just stares at his s/o.

"Vox? Babe, what's wrong?" “I just… I'd give up anything to just kiss you right now.”

Ah... As if I wasn't already sad, I'm writing even sadder things... Grreeeattt....

EDIT: i found out that his tongue somehow can get out of his screen… and I don’t know if this makes me feel any better because…. It just makes me ask more questions😭

Tags: @ratsematary @littlebluefishtail @xghostnuggsx @vxllys

@ustulia @6esiree - because i know you really like Vox

[raayllum]

Been also thinking about the line between "the text wasn't meant to be interpreted this way but it's a solid reading / line of critique (with caveats)" (#1) versus "the text wasn't meant to be interpreted this way and doing so actively worsens the story they're trying to tell" (#2).

Going to do some TDP specific examples.

But basically: When your in-depth reading takes away from the Surface Level reading rather than providing contribution, that's usually a good sign you're going into a story with 1) an expectation or reading that was never promised or 2) are weakening the story through a typically unfounded analysis.

A TDP specific example is the relationship between Viren and Harrow. Canonically, textually, they had a brotherly relationship, both in the dialogue that Viren conveys ("I think of you as my brother" / "You're my brother") and in their persistent parallel framing with Callum and Ezran.

However, that doesn't stop many fans (myself included) from reading a romantic and sexual attraction between Viren and Harrow, especially in their youth. Not only do they just have the vibes, parallels to other couples, and subtext, Viren very much places Harrow's importance in his life in a way that's usually reserved for lovers. Viren having been in love (or ongoing) just makes sense. That doesn't mean any of us are expecting TDP to ever make it Canon — like I said, it's canonically very much Not that — but it does add a layer to Viren always wanting to 1) matter to Harrow as much as he does, and 2) his frustration and severance with Harrow because he wasn't getting the acceptance and affection that he wanted.

This is what I would consider #1 avenue: it doesn't take away from their dynamic, and to me adds a layer, but it allows the text to stand as is. Viren wants Harrow's love and attention in the gradual and then sharp deterioration of their dynamic. All I'm changing is a little bit of the why per my personal reading.

Meanwhile, if I went the route of "Yeah I know canon shows Harrow appreciating, taking Viren into account, and smiling at / loving him, but I don't think Harrow cared at all and he was just a bad friend to Viren for years" then... Yeah I could read it that way — it's not as though Harrow or Viren were hardly perfect friends to each other, and Harrow's discard of Viren is harsh (even if it was a long time coming in a lot of ways) — but what does that leave me with? Frustration, maybe; a poor view of Harrow; immense sympathy towards Viren? At best, I'd maybe resent how Viren learns the lessons Harrow was trying to teach him by paying for it with his life; at worst, I'd think the narrative was being fundamentally unfair to Viren without recognizing that his previous modes of self sacrifice were always couched in ego, shirking the immediate consequences of being saved, or that he was routinely willing to sacrifice everyone around him first, including his own children.

This is where we get into area #2, and I see it happen all the time with TDP, whether it's from the series not portraying monarchies as a bad thing or the ever persistent "issue" of dark magic. Quite frankly, it's silly to walk into TDP post-S1 expecting dark magic to be anything beyond — given all the current textual evidence — "morally complicated" magic at best. Yes it can be used for good things, but that doesn't automatically make it good, and while we could spin logistical wheels for ages, the Point the story is Making with dark magic is about power, desperation, love, self-destruction, violation, and agency, and how all those things can overlap or counteract each other. Toting out "well I think dark magic is blanket statement Okay and Good actually" misses all of that, and actively makes your reading and experience with TDP worse. The surface level reading is important to take into account when examining a piece of media, otherwise it can lead to a very warped view and effect your ability to be well founded in your reading of the text.

That doesn't mean you can't desire a more morally neutral form of dark magic — plenty of fantasy series and stories have it, and some I adore (like "the legend of Zelda" — but it does mean accepting the story is never going to broadly speaking do that, and it's Okay that it won't. I'd be silly if I walked into LOZ expecting them to get into the ethics of its form of (non) dark magic of using monsters for spell parts because it's 1) a game mechanic and 2) it's not interested in the ethics of it, and no amount of me saying "well it should be" will change that, nor is it a Story Flaw that it doesn't.

This is all to say that I think asking "Why would the writers do this?" is one of the most useful, if basic, questions to ask when it comes to analysis and when figuring out whether your viewpoint is falling into avenue #1 of being grounded, or avenue #2 of veering towards warped territory.

For example, if I take Rayla not being by Callum's side when he's struggling over the pearl reveal in 6x06 as an indicator she doesn't care about him, I'm doing a deep dive that ignores all the very Surface Level emphasized scenes of Rayla caring about and supporting Callum a whole lot. I could make the claim she doesn't care based on that scene, but it wouldn't be well founded because it's ignoring miles of other much more prevalent, consistent scenes of her being there for him; it's not a well founded claim.

For something less obvious, let's look at 5x08. While Callum could've given Finnegrin the wrong spell on purpose, as some fans have thoughtfully proposed, as a sneaky wink for die hard fans... why would the authors do that? What does the story gain from that reading or intention? Well, it makes it seem like Callum was less desperate in his dealings with Finnegrin, which makes him doing dark magic afterwards come off worse. It also lessens the battle Callum has throughout that episode for feeling in control and recognizing that he can't always be. It's a reading that, in my opinion, not only strays away from the surface level reading, but is one removes elements from the text that the text would otherwise be stronger for having. In comparison, after all, if Callum gave his version of the right spell without thinking it through, he did so entirely out of desperation, which better affirms just how desperate and worn down he had to be to do dark magic, and is another instance in the episode of him feeling very much out of control (especially since we don't see the 3rd with dark magic on screen, so otherwise, we'd only have him punching Finnegrin as an example and nothing else).

Same thing with the old (now debunked) theory of Callum's bio dad being elven in nature. It's an interesting idea, exploring the implications and backstory and how'd grapple with it, but it'd weaken what canon is actively striving for, which is that Callum's magic use is special precisely because he's an ordinary human who's gained primal magic, and having elven ancestry would counteract that. It doesn't mean that the idea isn't a Good one or that it's not fun to explore in fanon, but there's a lot of reasons the story isn't (or decided not to) have it be canon, because it was stronger for the story they Wanted to tell for it not to be.

Sometimes, as fans this means acknowledging that what we want or prefer in a story is just blatantly not what's being set up, because the story is going to do things regardless of what we want or personally like. That doesn't mean those decisions are bad, and it also doesn't mean those elements or decisions or constructions are beyond critique, but it does mean to ask yourself some key questions:

Is there anything my reading is missing? (ie. if TDP shouldn't have monarchs and that's the critical focus, we lose the messages about leadership, family, and legacy that are engaged with through the vessel of hereditary monarchy)

Why might the story or scene go in certain directions? Are there story constraints (time, tone, etc) they have to abide by?

Am I expecting the story to ascribe to my worldview or preference, and am I open to things that don't do that? If yes, why? If no, why not?

Is my in-depth takeaway aligned with a surface level reading? Are both readings working together, or are they opposed? What other surface level readings might be plausible here for a casual viewer?

Even if this is not personally compelling and/or believable to me, does my personal takeaway match up with the characters' responses to it? Why or why not? (Think every Disney movie where they fall in love in 3 days. Realistic? No. Does it matter within the context of the story? Also no)

Again, this is not to say that 1) what the casual takeaway Is is an objective singular monolith (it isn't) or 2) if the casual takeaway and your interpretation is at odds that you're wrong. But through context clues, we can usually narrow it down as to what the story intends, and that if our interpretations do veer heavily to examine why and to manage expectations accordingly.

Anyways hopefully this all made sense Viren x Harrow forever

[dnalt-d2]

Alright-y, so in case anyone missed it, we've recently gotten some information from Quackity that he's most likely doing some new project, that seems to involve multiple languages, once again. Kinda like QSMP?

Maybe EXACTLY like QSMP…????

Or maybe not

Basically, the way I see it, it is pretty likely that this is QSMP-Related, what with the images that he's been posting recently, with the GODDAMN EYE GUY

However, even if it is QSMP-related, there is something that would need to be addressed

And that's that it's incredibly unlikely we'd be getting QSMP back in the form we knew it as

Honestly, I don't really see many of the Admins returning, Egg or otherwise. Whether it's by their own choice, or the choice of the powers-that-be. And I think we all know that all the Admins, Egg or otherwise, were a huge part of what made QSMP special

In addition to that, there's also a chance that with that sort of outcome, a lot of the Creators wouldn't be coming back either. I could kinda see some of them not returning even if the Admins DO come back. I know a few of them had more sour experiences with QSMP than others did, and I couldn't really blame them for not wanting to give it another shot

So even if this is QSMP, there's a HIGH chance it won't be the same server we knew

But I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. After all, I'm pretty sure the Eggs weren't initially MEANT to be as big as they were, which means that there HAD to be some plans for other stuff at one point or another

Hopefully…

Now obviously this is ALLL just, as usual, ✧˚⊹SPECULATION~!⊹˚✧

I'm not a psychic, and I don't know jack-all about what's been going on behind the scenes regarding QSMP or anything Quackity-related. I'm just making educated guesses and reminding everyone to temper their expectations, and try not to be too disappointed if this isn't exactly what you were hoping for

Because even if it isn't, I think it could still be something pretty fun, and I'll probably at least give it a chance regardless of whatever it winds up being

(Except maybe Purgatory 3, because I think I had enough of those vibes during my recent Purgatory 1 Re-Watch)

…

(Oh who am I kidding I'd probably end up checking out Purgatory 3 at least once I have a problem okay???)

[transgenderpolls]

Submission Guidelines/Disclaimers

First, things to keep in mind when you submit:

there is a limit of 12 answers for polls, and on this blog one of those answers will always be 'show results,' to allow for people that the poll doesn't apply to to see without skewing data. so in reality you have a maximum of 11.

there's also an 80-character limit on the options

SO, if you go over those limits, know that I will take it into my own hands to decide which answers to omit and/or how to re-word it to fit the limit.

even otherwise, expect that the wording of your submission may be slightly altered in order to be more inclusive (when it doesn't affect the data), or because i think you missed an option that you probably meant to include, or just to make it sound less clunky. if you have an issue with any changes upon posting, i'm happy to hear you out.

tbh i may also alter it heavily if i cannot imagine for the life of me why your poll is worded/split up the way it is. like, sorry, i truly do not think that whether someone is transmasc or transneutral would affect their ability to take off a binder without taking off their shirt. if i can instantly think of a smarter way to split it up and collect more thorough data i'll do it.

depending on how many submissions i have it could be anywhere from a day to a week before you see it posted.

if your poll is addressing a very small group, don't be surprised or angry when the 'see results' poll is the biggest. that needs to be there to keep data from being skewed by anyone's curiosity.

Base Guidelines For Submitting:

poll must be related to being trans. it doesn't have to be exclusively directed at trans people, but if you want cis people to be allowed to answer, please make that clear in your submission. otherwise i'll default to it being a trans-only poll.

it CAN be directed at a specific type of trans person, such as trans men/women, non-binary people, trans lesbians, trans moc, etc - literally you can address any specific trans group you want, just make sure to say so.

it CAN relate to sex, just try to be tasteful about it.

What would make me NOT post a submission:

if it's an opinion poll about the validity of any particular type of trans person. "validity" is a moot topic and i'm not going to encourage it, and in any case i'd like the focus of this blog to be about recording experiences (real, undeniable, forever in stone) rather than opinions (always changing, meaningless)

if it's too niche and/or would just make a pointless poll. like, you guys, phalloplasty is expensive as fuck. if you wanna know info about it you're better off just finding someone who's had it and talking to them.

if it's something like "trans people: do you like pineapple on pizza?" or some other question that doesn't actually have anything to do with being trans. if you wanna send something like this, make your case for why it's relevant that the poll is directed at trans people.

if it's some other obviously offensive shit, obviously. no racism or whatnot here.

FAQ:

Who counts as trans?/Can I vote on a poll for trans people if I'm nonbinary?

We self-define here, so if you consider yourself trans, you're trans. Non-binary is definitionally under the trans umbrella - though you're not obligated to consider yourself trans if you don't relate to a trans experience.

Why isn't there an option for X?/You missed an option.

Sometimes I may genuinely miss an option, but 9 times out of 10 the lack of the option is either due to the poll limits on tumblr, or because it goes against the point of the poll. For example, if the question begins with "If you're on HRT," then "i'm not on HRT" isn't going to be an option. If the prerequisite of the poll doesn't apply to you, then what you click is "see results." If it's something a little less concrete, polls will always include some kind of "other" option anyway.

Can you make more polls for X type of trans person?

*I* make polls based off what I'm personally curious about. If you're curious about something, submit it!

Why would you post that question that seems to imply that certain gender roles are real and that anyone should ever take them seriously? Or that poll that's asking if people do a bad thing that they shouldn't do?

Because no poll on here ever inherently implies anything. It's a question. Asking "does it make you dysphoric/euphoric to wear the color pink" does not itself PUSH the gender role of pink being for girls, but simply ACKNOWLEDGES the reality that that gender role exists and might affect some people's emotions. Please recognize that not everyone's dysphoria is rational.

And in the case that you see a question where you think it would be horrible if a lot of people answered yes, then consider the fact that the poll's results themselves may prove that most people aren't saying yes, and therefore nothing bad has happened. Consider the MANY different reasons someone may want those results. Maybe someone had an argument with someone and wants to show them what the trans community's opinion largely is.

Please understand what the purposes of polls are. That they gauge a large sample of responses. A poll that's actually inherently offensive or too incendiary to post would be something that outright uses slurs or whose results would only potentially serve to upset people. Not just "what do you think about gender markers on IDs."

Can you get rid of the 'see results' button? Or can you not include it on this particular poll? I only want X people to respond. This poll is ONLY for X people.

If a poll is on this blog, it's for everyone, questioning and simply curious people included. It's also not going to stop curious people from clicking if there's no 'see results' button. It ensures that the data doesn't get skewed, and gathering data is what polls are for. It doesn't hurt you to see a big see results bar. The data is still there. If the bar does wind up obscuring more significant data, that means the poll was addressing too small of a group to begin with. And that's NOT the end of the world. This blog is far from the only place where you can get information about other trans people's experiences.

[fentrashcat]

So I've been putting off talking about my tourettes recently bc it seems everytime I have the words to express what's going on, something new happens. So instead of trying to organize things or put them into like a semi story-time post, I'm just going to list things out. These will probably not be in chronological order because so much has been going on the last 2 or so months that I've lost track of all the "when"s.

⚠️everyone's experience with Tourette's or tic disorders will be different, I can only speak to my own⚠️

⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS for descriptions of tics/tic attacks, description of self injurious tics, abilism ⚠️

1. Nicknamed my Tourette's gremlin "Archibald" or "Archie". I tend to yell at my tics already when I get frustrated or annoyed, so I named him. It's mostly to make myself laugh. Saying "Archie's being an ass" or "apparently Archie didn't like that" makes me giggle, and more so when my friends play along in cursing Archie. It also lets my mom/friends know I'm not hurting from my tics.

2. Developed a lot of new tics. Some I've had before as one offs but are now common ones. The new tics include saying "knock-knock", "hi" (hi being said in not my normal voice), "Beetlejuice!". I've also developed biting at the air? Like my head goes forward and I bite so that my teeth clack.

3. Developed a frequent, kind of self injurious tic. On the same day or week that "knock-knock" came about, I also started knocking on my head twice w my right hand. It can be really soft or really hard to the point it concerns my mom. We tried having me wear like a beanie but it seemed I knocked harder with the hat on, and I'm really picky about hats bc sensory.

4. Got told by the family member I work for that I could easily find another job if I "weren't so picky". I then had to explain to her that I have seen the change in an interviewers face from "You look like a great canidate" to "finish this up as quickly as possible and never contact them again" when I had to disclose my Tourette's (noticeable repeated tics, otherwise I'd never disclose). I also had to tell her that I was "coincidentally" let go from a job the day I had to disclose, after being told repeatedly that I was doing well before. I also had to tell her that the one job that seemed chill about my tics that wasn't family connected, I had to quit bc it was 30/40min away and I don't drive so was begging people to drive me.

5. Fully convinced Archie is actively trolling now, as the "Beetlejuice" tic came about after mom said her coworker said it and she had to repeat it 3 times fast (she also has tics but is undiagnosed). Then the "Beetlejuice" started and she had to repeat it everytime.

6. I've been working for like 4 weeks now, and have had Tourette's related issues 4 times now. I've left work an hour early twice, 5 hours early once, and had to miss a day due to tics/tic attacks.

7. The missed day actually happened this week. I started getting intense head jerk tics about an hour before my shift finished, but I wanted to try working through it. Every few minutes I'd be forced to quickly/violently look to the right 5-10 times in a row. It started to hurt really bad but I managed to finish out my shift. By the end of my shift my head, neck, and shoulders hurt like crazy, and pain meds didn't seem to help at all. (Wasn't sure if they'd help for repetitive motions but figured was worth a shot). It kept going like that for 3 or 4 hours before I relented and said I won't be able to come in the next day. I couldn't lift my arms above my head or look to either side from the pain of it all. I'm still sore like 2 days later but able to move around now.

8. Biting the air tic came about when I was kind of hungry, but apparently also happens when I'm pissed? Happens randomly too, but thought that was funny.

9. Trying to figure out how to get my family to understand that just bc tics CAN mean something is wrong, they don't ALWAYS mean something is wrong. I know they're just worried and wanting to help me but if I tic 3 or 4 times in a row they keep asking "what's wrong" and won't take "nothing, it's just happening" as an answer. At which point I end up getting frustrated because they keep asking and the frustration leads to more tics.

10. We pulled up at a gas station that was advertising hot dogs and my mom ticced "hot dog" in the same voice she uses when our puppy brings her her hotdog toy. She was trying to suppress it, and afterwards she looks at me and goes "I couldn't NOT say it, like it physically hurt trying to not, is that how you feel all the time?" And I was just like yeaaaah pretty much. Mom's tics are usually reactionary, and she doesn't get a lot of premonitory urges, so it was really unusual for her.

That's all I can think of at the moment, thank you for reading. If I think of anything else I'll probably make another post but I'm not sure if I will. Sorry this one was so dense, I've been putting this off for a while lol.

[kudoichiz]

About yoichi { and kudo's } characterisation

Decided to make a post about this because I just want to yap. This will be mainly yoichi focused, but before I start ranting I really want to make it clear that I'm in no way trying to hate on anyone, degrade anyone or paint myself as some all knowing best writer and character analyzer. I'm just someone who wants to yap, if anyone disagrees or has anything to add you can do so freely and I'll respect your opinions.

I want to begin with saying that everyone has different interpretations of characters and that's perfectly normal - out experiances and view points will affect how we see a character. My issue is mainly when the character does something they wouldn't do at all, or when they just turn into a different character completely. I've seen this lately with the way people have been characterizing yoichi and kudo in kudoichi fics or even just smaller things.

I'd like to start with yoichi. I've come across this misconception (?) that yoichi wasn't a part of the resistance, or was in some way sheltered. This isn't true, it's stated in canon (the manga at least) that he was there. I understand if it's anime only watchers or people who do this on purpose, but honestly I'd just want to see more mentions of this fact . This does have to do with his characterization because he's also sometimes painted as some sheltered guy who doesn't understand anything about the world and has to rely on kudo (and Bruce) to help him. This isn't true and it just takes away from the character. Yoichi's story has a lot of missing bits and most of it indeed is up to interpretation - but from what is given, he isn't sheltered. Him and his brother lived on the streets - and the abandoned skyscraper for most of his life. I believe he would have a basic idea of how some things function. I also believe that he would be able to handle himself in rougher situations. Obviously we don't know details of his past but life on the streets would definitely teach him some types of skills that could be useful. For example I think yoichi would learn to be more perceptive of his surroundings/the people around him. Something I don't see much in fics is his life before the vault and really how much it taught him. Yes all for one is mentioned in conversation but I feel like there's so much potential in exploring how he became the person he is, how he developed some habits, how his life before he vault shaped him. It's honestly disheartening to know that there's so much potential that isn't used. Another thing - I want to comment on how yoichi's strong sense of justice also isn't that touched upon, we know his views on the world, why not continue to develop that. Yoichi would be persistent and he would want to always do the right thing, this includes him joining the resistance - helping them, trying to do anything to prove that he is a good person, etc. but it will also show in conversations, yoichi has been shown to have a tendency to see the positive in otherwise bad situations, this mentality of his isn't touched upon I believe. I've seen fics where he is a lot more sad than what he would be imo, yes he definitely isn't the happiest - and a range of emotions is good to show, but he wouldn't spiral into constant negative thoughts. Now I also want to mention things I do like. I like it when yoichi is shown to not understand social cues, it's logical - he most likely didn't get to interact with people before he met kudo and Bruce, so it makes sense for him to not understand how to talk to people, or not understand typical human behavior. There is something about this that I would comment on.. there is a line to this and if it's crossed it just mischaracterizes him. I've seen yoichi be portrayed as dumb. Not understanding social cues doesn't mean he is dumb, he is quite the smart character actually - and he knows much more than he would know given his circumstances, the thing is it's easy to mix those two up, but when it's done correctly - yoichi not understanding social cues is a thing I do enjoy seeing. Last thing about yoichi - I feel like he would know a lot of things from the comics he enjoyed reading, also I think that he didn't only read comics - but that they were still his favorites since they were easiest to understand for him. There's so much potential with this because the way he perceives the world can be tied to the comics. Such as him being more of a visual learner, or not needing to have everything told to him to understand something, using context clues etc. I feel like that could be something interesting to add to fics.

Now. Moving onto kudo. Not necessarily fics but I've seen him be very mischaracterized, kudo is the leader of a resistance - he would have the qualities that make a person a leader. I've seen many fics where kudo isn't the best at showing his feelings or just doesn't do it, would he be nervous, yes everyone gets nervous. But would it be hard for him to share his feelings - no. A good leader is good at communication, this is seen in canon aswell, he's able to communicate with the other vestiges well. I believe kudo would be open about his feelings,. More about the leader qualities - kudo wouldn't be as mean as some fics make him out to be. As a leader he has to be strict and firm, he has to do this so that people trust him. This can be mistaken for being mean, but kudo has never been shown to be mean to people. Most of the times he's serious - yes but he wouldn't shout at people or just be passive aggressive. Yes I have seen people charectarize him like that. Also once I turn 18 I'll address the issues of those um. Smut fics. I'm just going to say this: kudo would NOT say most of the things he does in those. ...

Kudo's section is short since I don't want to make this long - I just want to talk about one last thing. Kudoichi's relationship as a whole. Most of it is up to interpretation but I really find it disheartening to see people not go into depth with them. To not go I to depth about the raw connection they have, how deep their relationship actually is when you think about it. Without making this super long I just want to say. This isn't meant to hate but just as a general comentary, just my thoughts. You have the freedom to agree, disagree, point out anything you want. In the end I guess the point of this is really to just talk about how much potential these characters have and that it should be used. I am generalizing fics, I haven't read all and I know that there probably are fics where these are commented upon - but I'm speaking solely from my experience. And I understand that there are different experiences. Well um that's it ig. If someone actually read this all - woah !

[doberbutts]

I also think- having recently seen a post that said Blue Eye Samurai isn't a queer story, it just has queer elements- that sometimes it feels like fans cannot make up their minds.

Do we or do we not want stories that treat being gay as a perfectly normal, perfectly common experience the same way straight people are depicted in every story to ever exist?

In BES, no one is outright stated to be queer. That's partially because in Japan, until Japan felt the need to sanitize itself to appeal to foreigners, it wasn't unheard of at all for men to be gay. Multiple famous samurai and swordsmen and nobles were either outspokenly gay or are commonly theorized to have been gay in modern historical readings. Abijah making multiple references to swinging both ways, Kaji's offer of a male prostitute, the various scenes we have of men being together in sexual positions, they're not met with surprise because homosexuality was an acknowledged thing that happened.

Taigen's erection while he's wrestling Mizu, even though he doesn't yet know her secret, is treated awkwardly because they're supposed to dislike each other and also he's supposed to be in love with Akemi, not because "whoa bro no homo".

(This is also why I keep saying that it's difficult for me to put into English words what I think Mizu's gender is, because gender and sexuality quite frankly did not work the way my 2020s American brain wants to contextualize it, and I think it's important to consider the cultural aspects here esp in a show so heavily leaning on a racial story)

However, compared to many other shows out there even regarding the same area and country, BES is significantly more queer than the majority of them produced in the last 30 years. Is Mizu herself queer? Well... maybe, depending how you define it. Back in the day, otherwise cisgender crossdressers and male-impersonators were still grouped in with those we'd call transgender nowadays. She seems to be exclusively interested in men, but also seems to be equally receptive to considering herself sexually as both a man and a woman pairing with men, than as a man or woman pairing with women which she has adamantly refused with zero interest on multiple occasions.

Is Taigen bi? I mean, maybe! He seemed more mortified that he had an unwanted erection in front of someone he wanted to impress and play with, than that he had it over someone he considers a man, using the excuse that he misses his would-be fiance.

Abijah certainly seems to be bisexual, considering we see him having sex with both women and men, and his various sexual references talk about both men and women as well. This is ignoring whatever weird sexual tension thing he's got going with Heiji, who seems both receptive and repulsed by it.

And, not to be remiss, but there is a reason I specified that homosexuality among men was pretty known. Due to the more rigid policing of women's sexuality in this era, homosexuality among women was less commonly reported (though I have heard stories of noble women and their handmaids, or the working poor women, or among prostitutes living together in the brothels, so also not unheard of but perhaps less accepted as women were largely bought and sold in marriage and sex trafficking) - but even with all of that, Kaji and Kinuyo have something together. Whether that is a mother-daughter thing, or if they were lovers, is up to interpretation. The implication that out of everyone at the brothel that Kaji genuinely cares for, Kinuyo was special, and that wasn't a particularly uncommon arrangement historically if I'm hearing about it 400 years later in a completely different country.

So this "well it's not a queer show" and "if I was told this was a queer story I'd be disappointed" is honestly just ridiculous hooey to me. Do you want characters who are able to explore their sexualities without looking over their shoulder out of fear of homophobia, or not?

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

As someone who has kind of convinced themselves Izzy is gonna die at the end of S2, could you share your reasons why you think he won't? I'm sure a lot of us who think he's doomed could use some ideas as to otherwise. And who do you think is being buried in that grave scene in the Behind the scenes video? I'd love to hear your thoughts!!!

Hey, first of all, this is the first ask I’ve ever got, so thanks ☺️

Okay, so, there’s been so many posts recently with much more elaborate and better-argued takes than mine, and I can’t really take credit for anything I’m going to say here because none of these thoughts are original, really… but anyway.

I was surprised how quickly and strongly people seemed to have latched onto the “Izzy’s gonna die” train based on, as far as I'm concerned, nothing more than a couple of vague BTS bits and a general sense of foreboding caused by previous experience with stories like these.

First of all, the BTS pictures and videos. Namely the bit where Izzy seems to be lying down and the one with the grave. It’s a massive stretch at best. I think Izzy’s likely to get injured at some point, but this could literally be anything, we can’t even see what’s going on. This could be a fuckery. At one point Ed is holding out his hand stained with blood, but we don’t even know whose blood it is. Same for the grave. Izzy isn’t the only crew member missing from the ring of people standing around it. We know there’s going to be a big battle in E08, so it's not surprising someone would die, but there’s simply no proof and not at all likely it would be Izzy.

Also, think about it. Izzy’s a sailor. Sailors typically get burried at sea. The only other place I could imagine him wanting to be buried at is next to his family in England, but that might just not be feasible, so he’d most likely get burried at sea. The way I see it, he’d much rather rest on the ocean floor than some random beach in the Republic of Pirates, a place he claimed to hate in S01.

Another thing: the creators of the show know how rabid this fanbase is. They knew we were going to painstakingly pick apart and overanalyse every single frame of every morsel of promotional content we could get our hands on. So far they’ve gone to great lengths to avoid major spoilers. They even changed Ed’s line in the trailer where he said “and, more importantly, no more Izzy” (replaced it with “no more Stede”) in order not to reveal the plotline of Ed shooting Izzy, even though that line was pretty vague and could have been up to interpretation. So how likely is it that they would reveal a major character’s death in several frames of BTS material? Just not very likely at all, I’d say.

Then I’ve seen a few people argue that the writers want to get rid of Con because doing the CGI for the unicorn leg is too expensive and inconvenient. I’m calling bullshit on that one too. Admittedly, I don’t know much about CGI, but Con literally just has to wear a green sock over his boot or something like that, and it’s not that hard to frame it in a way that makes his leg less visible. So far we’ve had a lot of shots with him just sitting there, or where he was filmed from the waist up. I imagine it wasn’t easy for Con to mimic moving like he was missing a leg, but he nailed it perfectly, and he seemed to have an easier time walking around in episodes 6 and 7 compared to ep 5, so he won’t have to keep up the severe limping to the same extent. At this point Izzy is the third major character after Stede an Ed. There’s no way they’d get rid of him just because of a minor cinematographic inconvenience like that.

And then there’s the fact that nobody actually dies in this show except for the villains. David Jenkins took the “bury your gays” trope and turned it into “make your gays unkillable”. This is literally the show that gave us recreational gut stabbing. There’s only a couple of exceptions, but they were all very minor characters or, well, a bird… I really liked Ivan, but he was easily the least important character out of all the crew members, and probably the only reason his death was offscreen was because the actor quit after S01. There’s no indication that Con wants to quit, it’s obvious he’s having the time of his life with this role, so it’s very unlikely he would sacrifice it for some other project.

What OFMD does love, on the other hand, is characters appearing to die, only to end up surviving against all odds. That’s, like, its signature trait by now. None of us really believed Lucius was going to die, even though logically it was extremely unlikely he wouldn't just drown immediately. They didn’t even bother to explain it properly, that’s how little this show cares for realism. And we love that about it. Izzy himself has already had not one, not two, but THREE instances like that: the dream sequence scene, getting shot in the leg, then surviving his suicide attempt. If he happened to actually die for real now, that would just be bad storytelling.

Speaking of storytelling… That’s really the main reason I don’t believe Izzy’s going to die. I know a lot of people are hung up on the whole “his narrative arc is complete and he has served his purpose as a character” thing, and in any other show that might be true, but not this one. OFMD isn’t just a show, it’s a love letter to the queer community. Izzy is now a representation of a queer person discovering himself and being accepted into the found family. He figuratively embodies the spirit of the Revenge. The physical unicorn figurine was destroyed, but the crew managed to use something “broken” and give it a new life. If the show did this only to kill Izzy off right afterwards, that would feel like a slap in the face. It wouldn't complete his character arc, it would undo it. It would be way worse than another show killing off some character that simply happened to be gay. It would feel like killing a character off specifically because they finally found some happiness in being gay, right after reaching the peak of their personal development as a queer character. It would feel deliberately mean rather than merely thoughtless.

And it would make the very first scene of S2 kind of meaningless, too. That dream sequence specifically showed us what was not going to happen. Izzy wasn’t going to stand between Stede and Ed anymore. Izzy and Stede weren’t going to be enemies anymore. Ed wasn’t going to melt into Stede’s arms and immediately forget all that’s happened. And Izzy isn’t going to die. Simple as that.

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Did you want my notes on Strike Force Five episode one? No? TOO BAD! YOU'RE GETTING THEM!

(Heavy spoilers for episode 1 if you plan on listening soon!)

- I love the show's overall vibe and the "roles" that all of the guys play. It's definitely a free-wheeling, off the rails kind of show, where everyone is rambling over each other; the personalities involved can make or break this kind of podcast, and everyone thankfully is playing to their strengths.

Kimmel serves as the overall show runner and is seemingly the only one endeavoring to keep anything on track, which is a slightly thankless job with this group, but he's got a soundboard and all his radio experience guiding him. Colbert also leans into being the other "elder statesman", as it were, but is much easier to derail (and provides his own episode eclipsing derail I'll talk about later). Fallon is surprisingly reserved and a bit awkward - I'm not the hugest fan of Fallon, but in this podcast, that energy serves him pretty well. Kimmel introduces Seth as "the cute one" and he seems the most neutral so far, just there to ask questions and crack jokes. And John is their super sarcastic "evil teammate" who occasionally interjects to just destroy everyone. Perfect dynamics, 10/10, no notes.

- Seth qualifies his eyes as ocean blue. John says they're Gatorade blue. I don't think I've ever laughed harder at a description of someone's eyes.

- There's a point where I assume there must have been a really blunt edit, because Fallon changes the topic abruptly to having a doctorate. Otherwise, I love the image of Fallon just sitting on that revelation and WAITING, BURSTING to talk about how he has a doctorate, while everyone else talks about Kimmel getting paid summers off.

- Everyone mention multiple times that they have sponsors and are doing this show to help pay their staff during the strikes, which is lovely. This does not mean they aren't taking the piss out of their sponsors. I never thought I'd hear worse ad copy reading than I do on The Jeff Gerstmann Show (I love Jeff, don't get me wrong, but his ad copy screaming is hilariously bad), but the Casamigos ad in this is something else. John spends most of his reading time shitting on a bleeped-out competitor that he calls "not fit for human consumption", Stephen says "you're gonna wanna wipe your ass with it" and likens it to the smoothness of sheets you make love on, there's a disembodied "woo" at some point, Seth stumbles all over a few Spanish words, and Fallon delivers his lines in his awful fake French Timothee Chalamet puppet voice. It's pure chaos and I love it so much.

- Kimmel referring to "the despicable Matt Damon" made me so happy.

- John has never done a deposition. Kimmel saying "I'm surprised you're not in prison" gets lost which is sad, that's a fucking hilarious joke.

- Fallon tells an amazing story about his mom being a nun for a week. She left after being reprimanded for taking Lifesavers into the nunnery and then left. My late aunt and best friend, who was also a nun, probably would have loved Jimmy's mom, as she was always going on wine tastings and picked the order she joined entirely based on who would let her continue to drink after taking her vows. Jimmy also has a picture of his mom dressed as a nun holding a doll dressed as a nun, which is absurd and adorable.

- This leads to everyone but Seth confessing that they'd all thought about becoming priests at some point. That doesn't shock me about Stephen at all, tbf, knowing how religious he is.

- I have to shamefully admit that when John mentioned that he told his father he wanted to be a vicar, my brain went to an extremely Fleabag place and I had to rewind the podcast once I snapped out of it and realized I'd missed like 3 minutes of jokes (including a fantastic one from Seth about John having a doll of himself as a child, like Fallon's mom's nun doll).

- "Don't you want a whole new crop of relatives to visit and entertain?" "Do you wanna get cancelled?! :D" The two Jimmys everyone.

- Stephen reveals who he has everyone saved as in his phone, to prevent people from figuring out who his contacts are if his phone gets stolen. John's is Joliver, which 1) was his name as written on TDS scripts to differentiate him from Jon Stewart, and 2) as everyone points out, is a VERY easy code to crack. Don't really need Sherlock for that one.

- ONE OF US ALERT: Stephen collects weird late night shit, like a hat from The Chevy Chase Show (John literally goes "WOW") and a silk jacket from The Pat Sajak Show. I am very jealous of this collection.

- Next episode everyone will talk about first episodes. I cannot wait to hear John talk about how all over the place his first episode is.

- The big story, running joke, and completely wild admission from this episode - Stephen Colbert has a pair of Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza's pants. Fallon asks how no one outbid him, and it turns out his MOTHER had them BECAUSE SHE DATED HIM. His uncle went to LaSalle Military Academy with Somoza, and Somoza stayed with them during holiday breaks. Everyone else in the room picks up on the idea that Stephen's mom probably slept with a dictator (or as Kimmel says, "made love to a murderer"), Seth claims his mom drinks coffee out of Ferdinand Marcos' skull, and every other male figure Stephen brings up for the rest of the episode is assumed to be someone his mom slept with.

If you asked me before listening to this podcast if I thought there were going to be a pile of elevated "your mom" jokes holding it together, I would have pretty strongly said "no". Surprises at every turn in this pod.

The beginning of this story also captures John SO STRONGLY, and he wants to hear everything about it. Definite Bugle vibes there, this man will never not want to hear about weird dictator facts. He also manages to completely kill Seth by saying "Anastasio Somoza's pants, brought to you by Casamigos".

- Finally, I have already sent an email to the show asking about Planet of the Bass, to make up for my complete failure to ask at the Q&A. I got y'all, we'll get this answer some day.

[guppygiggles]

Feels weird to be typing this out, but uh, I gotta get this off my chest, and I'll try not to make this too long.

A lot of people have wanted to be friends with me, recently. I do not have a lot of experience with having friends. This is very exciting for me. I have been saying nothing but 'yes' to these requests... They are all but impossible for me to resist.

If you don't wanna be friends with me, cool! I'm perfectly happy with you just being here. If you do, though... I'd appreciate if you read this.

I am autistic. I am socially awkward. I quickly get attached, I'm very affectionate, I will say I love you, I will draw for you, I will ask you about your life, your OCs, your interests. I will come on strong. I will try not to, but, I will; it's just my nature. I love life, I love people, I love with my whole chest. I don't know how to be any other way, and -- friendly reminder! -- I'm thirty years old, so the chance of that changing is pretty much zero.

I will also misread situations, misread intentions, miss social cues, give you advice that's not helpful, and otherwise completely misunderstand you sometimes if you don't communicate with me. This is not an 'if' -- it WILL happen. I WILL do something you don't like, eventually.

If you cannot handle communicating to me that I have upset you or made you uncomfortable, and are just going to disappear or block me when (not if!) this happens… please… do not befriend me. When someone does this, it's painful... and because of how rare it is for me to make friends, it's a new and unique pain, so my tolerance for it is incredibly low.

I know it's hard to be candid when someone offends you... I know that many of us have conflict-related trauma... But I am never, ever going to blow up, get angry, or be mean to you over something like that. In fact, I'll probably thank you, because I know you care enough about the friendship to be honest with me.

Rant over. Okay?

I really, really don't want any comments or asks about this. Please just silently accept this, or don't. If you don't accept this, that's fine! Like I said, I'm cool with you just being here. But, if you want more than that... I need to be able to trust that you're not gonna singe my fragile blue heart.

[swaps55]

(Sorry in advance for the long message) Hey swaps!! It's been a while since I asked, I got into uni (with my best friend) and started studying creative literature and I needed to let you know that it's partially because of you, and I wanted to sincerely thank you. Otherwise I'd never have had the drive to do what I was passionate about instead of chasing an academic degree that would suck the soul out of me. When I read your stories it's incredible, I really experience the story, that only ever happens when I'm reading something you've written. And I'm not the biggest bookworm but there's something about yours, the way you narrate and tell your characters, you write the story but the characters truly do come alive, and I wanted to be able to tell stories like you. I'm currently attempting to flesh out my own story which I think is going not horribly, but I wanted to ask, how do you stay so true to your characters? I've read your posts and when people ask what would happen in certain scenarios, despite what you want to happen the characters have their own personality. Is there a system you use to get all your words out right or does it just come to you? Honestly any advice you could give would be amazing. Thank you again swaps, I know it might be silly to admire and choose a career because of someone on the internet that you've never met, but there's real passion in your work. We can all see how much you put into writing and it truly does make an impact, even if sometimes you can't see it. I think I speak for all dedicated mass effect, and more niche Mshenko, fans, thank you.

This is not silly. At least to me – this means the world to me, and I cannot thank you enough for telling me. And I am SO excited for you; my creative writing workshops taught me so many valuable things. I hope you love it, thrive in it, and write until your fingers fall off.

I can tell you from being in the workforce for a couple decades now that an English/Creative Writing degree can get you to so many places, because storytelling and the ability to write are skills that are crucial in so many industries. It’s so hard to know how much is out there until you get out in the world and really see it, but if you’re curious, adaptable, and passionate, having the ability to write and tell a good story can open so many doors. It has for me. My Real Life job doesn’t involve fiction, but I write and tell stories in ways I really enjoy every day. So whether you go off and become the next Neil Gaiman, and I hope you do, or you find other fulfilling opportunities, use that passion of yours to do something you love and enjoy the hell out of your uni experience.

On to your question: How do I stay true to my characters?

This is going to be a layered, multi-faceted answer because it’s a layered, multi-faceted question.

Developing characters is a very fluid process for me. I don’t like to get too prescriptive about them early on, because I want there to be room in the story for them to grow. I think there’s a relationship that develops between characters and story: characters shape the stories they’re in and are also shaped by them, and if you’re too rigid about the character sheet you have in your head (or on paper), you miss out on opportunities for them to grow with that story. But if you don’t know enough about them in the beginning, your characters will probably feel flat and inauthentic. I can’t really tell you where the line is between knowing too much and not enough – it’s something you learn by doing, and something you develop instincts for over time.

For instance, I don’t know if this will surprise you, but when I wrote Sonata, which was the first Opus story to get off the drafting board, here are just some of the things I didn’t know about Sam:

The nature of his relationship with Anderson.

What happened to his father aside from, “he went missing.”

Anything about his biotic mentor, other than “krogan.”

His biotic “handicap.”

Those line items are all pivotal to who Sam is as a character. But the details of them weren’t pivotal to Sonata, so I left them as broad strokes, and then filled them in when other Opus stories needed me to. This gave me some freedom to craft those details in ways that elevated both Sam and the story I was trying to tell.

There’s also a lot of value in developing characters from both ends: identifying a formative event/moment in their lives and using it as a guidepost to shape the way they see and interact with the world, and establishing a key behavioral or a character trait and then backing into where it comes from.   

Example of the former: Lora Alenko experienced having a teenage son who developed an alien medical condition that resulted in him being taken away from her and coming back as a stranger. What does that do to a parent? How does that shape the way she sees biotics? Sees Kaidan? I think about all of those questions when I write her.

Example of the latter: A simple question with a very complicated answer: Why is Sam Shepard the guy who saves the galaxy? Why him, and not someone else?

So that’s one way I think about characters. Here’s another that I think is equally important. I really subscribe to the ideology that every character is the hero of their own story. They don’t know they’re not the main character. They don’t know what comes next, what the plot is, what the themes are, or how they are supposed to serve the narrative. And for a character to really take on a life of their own, I think it’s really important to write them that way. Otherwise it’s easy for characters to get tangled up in dreams or lives that aren’t theirs, which robs them of some of their agency.

Therefore, whenever I park myself between the ears of a character, I do a lot of interrogation. What’s important to them? What isn’t? What does the world look like through their eyes, and how is that different from the other characters? What do they notice that other characters don’t? What do they miss that other characters don’t? How do they interpret the same series of events compared to another character? And then, here’s the kicker that often results in the gnashing of teeth, pulling of hair, and beating of foreheads against walls: how does that perspective tie into the narrative? Because yes, characters are the heroes of their own stories, but they also have to work within the story you, the writer, are telling, whether they know it or not.

That might sound overwhelmingly complex, and it is. But really what it comes down to is asking questions one by one and seeing where the answers lead you. Sometimes, especially with a character you don’t know well, this can be a lot of painstaking work. But in my experience it’s always worth doing.

I hope any of that helps. Sometimes I feel like the only good writing advice out there is that everyone works differently, and you have to find what works for you.

Thank you again, SO MUCH. Truly. This means so much to me, and I am so excited for you!!!!!

[rachxhjs]

Making you mine, forever.

✯+. In which vampire Yeonjun has to bite his mortal boyfriend to be together forever. Knowing that when he does, he releases some sort of afrodisiac that increases Soobin's libido. Like a good boyfriend, he takes full responsibility.

Requested by, anon ✯

Tags;

mentions of blood, Yeonjun is a vampire, Soobin is a human, biting, crying, everything is consensual, manhandling, rough sex, whiny and weak Soobin.

✯

"Why would I do that to you?"

Soobin looked up at Yeonjun as he breathed softly, eyes glossy in tears. "Because.. otherwise we won't be able to be together.. I'd die, and you'll be alone.. forever. Why not be here together, forever?"

Yeonjun exhaled as he brushed over his boyfriend's cheek, staring at his features before he kissed his forehead, thinking. He knew he shouldn't have dated a mortal being, it wouldn't be fair to either to them. But as soon as he met Soobin his entire vision changed, he loved and liked him so much. He wanted to at least experience being with him. But with time, the two of them became unstoppable. They couldn't go a day without each other, and there had even been days where Yeonjun cried because he missed his precious boyfriend so much, he had become so attached.

Soobin also knew that Yeonjun was a vampire, and he didn't mind. He had already decided that nothing that Yeonjun would become, or do would stop his love for him. It felt like they were soulmates, born to be together.

"I don't know.. baby. You'll see your family die, your friends.. everyone. It would be just us.. I don't want to make you suffer like that. I care about you, but I can also just be.. a nice memory, hm?"

Soobin sniffed softly as he shook his head, digging himself more aggressively into Yeonjun's body. And soon enough, he started to sob, making the older's eyes soften. "Love.."

"I don't.. no.. not a memory- we're meant to be together, Yeonjun- just.. it's okay. I'll be okay.. you'll be there to comfort me.. distract me. I just want you.. I just want to be with you." The blonde cried out as he clutched onto Yeonjun's clothes, wiping away his tears while his body trembled, feeling the sadness all throughout his body. He couldn't imagine growing old without Yeonjun, to date someone else. No one would feel like him. "I have been asking you for two years now.. soon I'll be older than you, become an elder and it just.. wouldn't be ideal. You became a vampire at your prime age, so make me one as well.. to be healthy together, forever."

"Are you really sure? You have to promise me. It's permanent. I want you to be sure.. I want you to be happy." Yeonjun whispered quietly, holding onto his boyfriend's hand and intertwining their fingers, eyes soft. "I don't want you to regret this. You're my everything. I'd hate to see you upset." The black haired gently brushed through his boyfriend's blonde's strands before he held onto his chin, making the younger look up gently. "Here.." He whispered, wiping away his tears before he pressed some soft kisses to his boyfriend's lips, giving the crying male a warm smile. "Talk to me.."

Soobin sniffed softly as he closed his eyes at each kiss, staring at the older before he rubbed his own damp eyes, letting out a shake exhale. "I want to.. I want to be a vampire, with you. Forever. Please." Yeonjun listened to the blonde as he exhaled softly, giving a kiss to his boyfriend once more before he nuzzled into his neck, thinking. "Okay.. then we'll be together, forever. Don't get tired of me, hm?"

"No.. never." Soobin managed to giggle out softly, blinking as he felt his boyfriend search for the perfect spot in his neck, shivering whenever he inhaled. "You smell good.. are you ready?" Yeonjun whispered quietly as he pressed his lover as close as possible, squeezing his hand as he listened to Soobin hum in his ear, nodding in approval. "Okay.."

When Yeonjun leaned in to softly kiss on the area first Soobin held onto the male tightly, slightly afraid. But if this meant he could be with his soulmate forever, it wouldn't be that bad at all. Soon they'd be happy, living together and making more and more memories. But as soon as he felt Yeonjun's sharp fangs dig into his neck he let out a soft whine, clutching onto the older tightly. "It hurts.." The younger announced quietly, gently tapping on his boyfriend who just continued to suck his blood, letting out soft grunts as well. It sounded like Yeonjun was enjoying it. "Hyung-"

As Soobin continued to whine the feeling of pleasure started to take over his body, making him shudder and let out a weak moan, confused. "Yeonjun.. it.. feels weird.."

"I know.. shh.. it's okay, focus on the good feeling.." Yeonjun muttered out softly, eyes dark as his lips and tongue were covered in blood, savoring his boyfriend's taste. "Happened to me before.. it'll feel good, I promise.." Soobin whimpered softly as Yeonjun started to suck on his neck instead, whimpering more loudly as the older male picked him up before he placed him onto the bed properly, spreading his legs and caressing them. "What's happening?" The blonde whispered hazily, blinking slowly.

He didn't understand what was going on. But he did trust his boyfriend, which made everything feel so much better. If Yeonjun was confident in what he was doing, he knew he'd be safe. Yeonjun would never hurt him. "When I bite someone it releases some sort of afrodisiac, it increases your libido.." The older explained, gently patting against the wound he created. "How are you feeling?"

Soobin squirmed his hips lightly as he looked up at Yeonjun, eyes soft and hazy. "Needy.. horny, yes.. it also stings a bit, the wound." The blonde murmured, staring up at his boyfriend and breathing softly, cheeks red. Meanwhile Yeonjun was just staring down at his lover, eyes full of love. "I know.. how about I take care of you, hm?" Soobin exhaled softly as he listened to his boyfriend, nodding as he carefully climbed onto his lap to rub himself against the older's crotch needily, mouth agape. "Please.."

Due to his libido going higher and higher the blonde started to forget about his pain, mouth agape as he continued to rut himself against the older, desperate for relief. And soon enough, Soobin was thrown over Yeonjun's shoulder, making him let out a wince as he got taken away to their shared desk, bent over the wooden surface. "Hyung-" Soobin yelped out due to the sudden impact, shivering when he felt his pants being pulled down, making him clench around nothing. Meanwhile Yeonjun was focused on preparing his boyfriend for him, spanking his ass and taking off his boxers as well, staring at his entrance squeezing around nothing but air. "Cute.. patience." The male murmured, spitting on the hole before he instantly pushed two fingers inside, instantly getting a yelp out of his lover.

Soobin stared at the white wall in front of him hazily, squirming around the desk as Yeonjun started to thrust his fingers back and forth to stretch out the blonde, desperate. "I.. can't.. too much- I feel weak.." The dark haired chuckled lowly as he kept up the same pace, watching Soobin. "Shh.. you'll be good."

After penetrating the younger male for a good five minutes he realised he was ready, spreading his ass to take a good look at his hole, staring at him in a hungry way. "You're going to feel so good, baby. It's going to feel so intense."

Soobin hummed weakly as he continued to let out soft winces, hearing Yeonjun rustle with his own clothes before he took off his own, making both the males end up naked. And soon enough, Yeonjun flipped Soobin and made the taller face him. "Hyung this is.."

"Hot? I know." The dark haired picked up his boyfriend once again, making his legs wrap around his hip before he grabbed a hold of his member, carefully rubbing it against the blonde. And instantly, he heard the younger whimper out of sensitivity, carefully walking to their tall window to press Soobin's back against it, but still holding him up in the air. "Shh.. I know baby." Yeonjun bit his bottom lip as he carefully pushed into his warm entrance, letting out a moan of relief while Soobin cried out softly, dick twitching against his abdomen. "Hah.."

Moments like these were one of Soobin's favourites. He loved how his boyfriend always managed to make him feel so good. Plus, everything felt so intimate, like their love was blooming with each orgasm. He didn't have any regrets in becoming a vampire, it meant he got to enjoy his boyfriend's dick for thousands of years.

Carefully, Yeonjun started to swiftly move his hips back and forth, keeping Soobin propped up against the wall as he used his sensitive hole, moaning. "Fuck.. you feel so hot.. must've been so needy.. I should bite you more often." The older male hissed out, nuzzling himself into his boyfriend's neck as Soobin winced quietly, wrapping his arms around Yeonjun's neck for support, being in pure bliss. "Quicker.. please.. want it deep.." Soobin squirmed lightly as he watched how Yeonjun's face was furrowed in extreme pleasure, which made him feel good as well. He loved pleasing his lover so much, it was something he wanted to be able to do for Yeonjun's entire lifetime. And now he could.

"Faster? Okay.." After giving the younger male a few more slow thrusts he soon sped up his pace, starting to pound into his body more precisely, aiming up for his gummy spots. And it seemed to work with how Soobin held onto him more tightly, and his moans started to become more high pitched. "You won't cum already, right..? So soon.." Yeonjun giggled weakly when he saw Soobin's tip leak in precum, exhaling before he picked him up again, pulling out and making him lay on the carpet on their floor, on his stomach. "Hyung.. want to cum, please.. feels really.. hot.. like I got drugged.." The blonde whined out, feeling his butt get raised up. And soon enough, Yeonjun pushed inside of him once more, pounding into him more aggressively while letting out grunts and pants, starting to feel his orgasm approach. "I know.. cum when you need to. I've got you.."

As soon as Soobin heard that he was allowed to cum, he did. Shivering against the carpet as he let out a whiny moan, clenching around his boyfriend as hard as he could as Yeonjun moaned out from the overwhelming feeling, still pounding into him senselessly. And soon enough, he came as well, pulling out to cover Soobin's entire back in white semen, panting. "Fuck.. you're amazing.. so insane.. you drive me insane." Yeonjun hissed, watching how his dick was still squeezing out cum against his boyfriend's back, sensitive.

Soobin panted softly before he smiled, squirming. "You are.. mm.. I feel so good now.. pain is gone. Now we'll be together forever.."

"Yes, love. And you'll get back shots forever as well." Yeonjun joked softly, hugging the blonde tightly as they both giggled the night away. Knowing that they would never have to lose each other made the both of them happier than ever, not having to be afraid of loving each other anymore.

Thank you so much to everyone who read this and I hope you have a nice day, thank you again ♡

[mediumsizedwildcat]

Guardian Demon

pt. 1 - pt. 2

masterlist | stranger things m.list

summary: A month before shit went down, Eddie summoned a demon. It saved his life and now it may be in love with him. Most certainly, Eddie gets to fuck the demon.

cw: supernatural mlm; description of the demon, bit of world mechanics, biting, blood, spit, jerking off, lube, fingering, anal sex, unprotected sex, non-human body functions (asshole turning wet), pain kink, lmk if I missed something

Eddie Munson x demon!reader | 3k words

*Minors & ageless blogs Do Not Interact

— ☾ —

Gently, very gently, Eddie runs his hand over your back, his fingers following the natural lines of your skin. He tries his best to not wake you up, watching as the muscles react to his touch, moving your wings ever so slightly.

As his hand wanders further down, you let out a soft purring sound. Eddie smiles and whispers, "You like that, huh?"

He starts pressing kisses to your shoulder and you can't keep the soft giggle in. Eddie smiles, carefully grips your waist, pressing his thumb into the flesh.

"I should repay you," he whispers, "for what you did last night..."

"It's okay," you sigh softly, enjoying his touch. Where you're from, tenderness like this is very short in supply.

Being completely honest, Eddie shouldn't even touch you like this. You shouldn't be in bed with him and you shouldn't have sucked him off either. But it feels nice to be this close to someone.

It's probably a body-thing; being a demon in this world is a new experience to all of your dimension. Perhaps when other demons answer to new summons you'll be able to talk to someone like you about this.

Eddie grins softly, "When I summoned a demon I didn't think I'd get one like you."

You turn around, sitting up before you lie on your back so you don't squish or otherwise hurt your wings. Frowning up at him, you respond, "What did you think?"

"That it wouldn't work," Eddie chuckles and places his hand on your chest. "Why did it work?"

"Well," you think for a moment, "we know when we're being summoned, but until a few months ago, this world was inaccessible for us."

You shrug, "I guess that Vecna-guy your friends keep talking about accidentally opened up a gateway and even though he's dealt with, the gateway is still open."

"So, you knew that I did a summoning ritual?" Eddie moves his thumb over your skin, looking down as he tries to understand this.

You nod, "Yeah, I knew you summoned one of ours. We all did, since you didn't really specify whose services you tried to secure. Usually nobody cares for summonings from a world we can't access, but I've always wanted to know this one."

"That means," Eddie frowns, "you held onto the summon for a month? Why did you come, after all that time?"

"Because you were dying," you state simply, as if it's obvious. To your kind it may not be, but you expected Eddie to know.

Instead, he keeps inquiring, "You didn't even know me. Why would that matter?" What Eddie truly wonders is, Why would I matter?

You giggle, "Stupid human. You were my way into this world and from the moment I entered your body I was tethered to you. Now I don't have the footing to stay here, you humans are weirdly obsessed with that money-stuff."

"Oh," Eddie mumbles, sitting up. Of course you're just with him because he summoned you. Because you don't have another option.

To reach your wing around Eddie's back, you sit up, too. Gently nudging his cheek with its claw, you make him turn his head to look into your direction. He's not hiding his emotional response to the new knowledge.

"When I saved your life," you keep your voice gentle, "my response to your summon was fulfilled. I could've moved on to any other person." You place your hand on his cheek and gently run your thumb over his cheekbone.

"I wanted to stay with you," you smile as you nudge his nose with your own. "I've had so many people scream at me, but you didn't. You summoned a demon and you weren't scared of what you got."

Eddie chuckles dryly, "Why would I be scared of you? You're, like, real hot..."

"Let's see," you press a kiss on his cheek, "the first time you saw me it was your mirage with my distinctive features. Usually, people get scared. I don't know how it is with humans, but that's been my experience so far."

He looks you up and down and smiles, "Distinctive features, huh? You mean the horns? Or the wings?"

"Them and the claws and the fangs," you grin widely, showing the fangs off. "You know, it was very hard to not permanently change your body when you were almost dead. I could've just made it mine and I probably would've been able to heal it so it's of good use to me..."

With your face already so close, all Eddie has to do is to angle his head. Hesitantly, he presses his lips to yours, unsure if you're feeling it, too. Unsure if last night was a one time thing.

You smile and reciprocate the kiss, your hand wandering to the back of his neck. Pulling Eddie's head closer, tangling your fingers in his hair. He smirks and, minding your wings, pushes you back down onto the mattress. Finding his place between your legs, he slowly grinds his hips down, his kiss nearly bruising.

Bless his stupid little heart, pumping all that blood down to his dick, making him hard and ready for you. You bite his lip, enough to draw blood, gaining a soft grunt from him. Running your tongue over the cut you make Eddie hiss at the pain. Though, judging by the way he bucks his hips, he seems to like it.

"Stupid human," you repeat, breathing heavily. Eddie huffs a laughs and trails kisses down your neck, gently sucking on the skin at your throat. "You really make me feel empty," you huff, "I didn't even know bodies could feel that way..."

"Bodies can feel a lot of different things," Eddie purrs. "I'd like to show you all of them... Starting with this..." He runs his hand down your body, gently pushing it under the band of your underwear.

The moment his hand wraps around your dick, you close your eyes, a soft moan falling from your pretty lips. He starts to move his hand, slowly up and down, teasing you, so to say. You whimper softly, letting your body's instincts take over.

"There you go," Eddie praises. He sits back on his knees and kisses down your belly, carefully removing your underwear.

You giggle, "Why don't you get rid of your own clothes and come back down here? Let's celebrate this body~"

Eddie laughs with your suggestion, but pulls his shirt off over his head. He throws it aside, rubbing his palm over your happy trail. You smile at the feeling, almost literally purring. “The rest, too,” you hum as you gently pull on the band of his boxer shorts.

He gets up and grins, “Wanna see it all, huh?” He shoves his underwear off while you’re sitting up and as he straightens out, you press your lips to his again.

Pulling him onto the bed, you turn the two of you around, intensifying the kiss as you climb onto his lap. With your dicks throbbing, Eddie grabs your waist and pulls you closer. He starts pushing his hips up and he whines when nothing comes from it. You giggle and sit down on his thighs, brushing your hand through his hair.

“So,” you grin, “how does this work, pretty boy? How do we, what is it called again? Make love?”

Eddie feels a hot shot surge from his chest down to his cock. “Fuck,” he curses, “‘make love’? Really? You wanna kill me or something?”

You tilt your head to the side, a confused look on your face. “Why would I want to kill you? You’re no good to me with a dead body.”

He huffs, “I’ll explain later. How you wanna do this?” Eddie sighs, “I mean, you okay taking me? Getting, uhm… Getting fucked?” Nerves running wild, he looks up at you.

Cheeks flushed from your body’s arousal, eyes wide and curious. Somehow, your body seems to know what it means, moving ever so slightly closer to his dick. “I,” you look down at your body, your own cock thick and throbbing with need. The same need is what you can feel in your hole; you always wondered what that one was for. Perhaps procreation?

“Yeah,” you finally nod, “I think I want that. My body feels very ready for whatever ‘getting fucked’ means. Which, weirdly enough, this body seems to know.”

Eddie huffs a laugh, “Alright, there’s lube and a condom in the night stand,” he points at it, "why don't you get them for us?"

As you lean down and over to get what Eddie told you to, he spits into his hand and reaches between the two of you. He puts his hand around both dicks, gently spreading the saliva and starting to pump his hand.

You moan and lie your head on his shoulder. “Fuck,” you echo his cursing, “that feels good. Oh, that’s really good, Eddie.”

Hearing you say his name, all desperate and needy for him, Eddie grunts. “Lube,” he nearly growls, “now.”

“So commanding,” you pant, “are you like that with all people?” You open the nightstand, "Or is this all for me?" Pulling out the container filled with lube.

Grinning at your victory, you show Eddie the container, wave it in front of his face. “Now what, big guy?”

Eddie smirks and kisses you, taking his hand from in between your bodies and gently running his hands down your waist and hips. He squeezes your ass, quietly praising the sounds coming from your mouth. He opens the container and dips two of his fingers into the lube, coating them generously.

Once he’s sure you’re relaxed and ready, Eddie carefully rubs his fingers over the rim of your hole. You gasp, your whole body responding to his touch.

“That’s it,” Eddie coos as he works you open. With your head on his shoulder, you breathe heavily, your hips pushing back against his fingers. Feeling your breath against his skin, hearing your little, very pathetic moans. “You feeling ready?”

You nod, pre-cum leaking from the tip of your cock, smearing onto Eddie's, mixing with his pre-cum. "Yes," you sigh, "very ready."

Eddie doesn't ask again, moving his hands from your ass to your thighs, squeezing gently. He coats his hand in lube again, this time smearing it all over his dick, pumping it to get it nice and wet for you.

Whining at the view, you dig your claws into his chest. "Eddie," you whine, "already waited long enough! Please~"

"So impatient," Eddie grins, watching your dick twitch with anticipation. "Alright, move up, pretty boy."

You comply, urging your body up, pressing your knees into the mattress. Even your wings flatter, your whole body waiting for him to make you feel even better than he already has.

Lining his dick up with your hole, Eddie gently presses his hand down on your lower back. "Sit up, sweetheart," he coos, "gotta sink down on my dick, okay? Take it as much as you can without it hurting and take as much time as you need."

You steady yourself with your palms on his chest, but lean down to kiss him before you sit all the way up. It takes Eddie by surprise, but he kisses you back before he watches you sink down on his cock.

When you feel him pressing past the rim of your hole, your head falls back and your lips part, eyes watching Eddie even though you don't mean to. You let out a breathy moan, your tail wrapping around Eddie's thigh and your wings barely holding up -a telltale sign that you're relaxed and calm.

Eddie dies a little inside, lust taking over most of his motivation. Clearly you're very turned on and clearly, his body likes what you're doing. His breath grows heavy, his hand squeezes your thigh and when he wets his lips the cut in his lip burns.

He doesn't care about the pain, he doesn't care that your claws break the skin of his chest. You're too fucking hot for him to care. Who thought fucking a demon would be something Eddie would be into?

The deeper you take him in, the more your body changes. The tip of your tongue splits again, taking on the demon you are instead of the humanoid body this is supposed to be. Your horns grow, too, just a little, your tail gaining strength.

Most importantly though, your hole starts to turn wet. It's not blood, it's simply what your body thinks it's supposed to do. Eddie curses, not so under his breath, gripping your hips tightly.

"Fuck-" His chest heaves with every breath, "Are you- Are you getting wet? Fuck, that's- Shit-"

He presses his head into the pillow, his back arches and when he finally bottoms out, feeling your balls against his skin, Eddie nearly loses it.

"Jesus Christ," he clenches his jaw, staring down at your dick. "Are you like, a succubus or something? Fuck, I'm gonna cum-"

You clench around him and Eddie moans loudly in response. "Please," he starts to beg, "please, I don't wanna cum yet! I don't- I don't want this to be over, please!"

Trying to make this as comfortable for Eddie as possible, you try to relax your body. You lift your claws off his chest, long tongue carefully licking up the blood.

"I'm not a succubus," you explain with a soft voice. "Succubi have vulvas and vaginas, the ones with penises are incubi. Which I'm also not, they're sex demons."

Eddie huffs, "You-You tryin' to tell me they feel even b-better?" He's fighting his orgasm so hard and the way you look down at him, concerned and confused, doesn't make it any easier.

"I don't know," you shrug, "I've never tried sex before. That's what we're doing right now, though? That's the right word for what's happening, no?"

"It is," Eddie quickly assures, his thumbs digging into your flesh.

You smile, "I bet I could help you with that. Make you, uh... Not cum? Is that how humans phrase it?"

"I-I guess," he huffs, "how? How would you help?"

You grin and move your tail from around his thigh to around the base of his cock. You can feel him throb and he moans at the sensation, but when you tighten your tail's hold, Eddie lets out a relieved breath.

"That better?" You coo, leaning down to kiss him. "I did study some of your anatomy when you weren't aware of me. Glad it's coming in handy."

Eddie grabs you by your neck and crashes his lips against yours in an aggressive, bruising kiss. "You're such a fucking--" He doesn't end the sentence, unsure what to call you. Demon? Well, that'd just be accurate.

"Liar?" You suggest, giggling. "Creep? I did 'creep on you', as others would say it. Watching you jerk yourself off in the shower..."

His cheeks turn pink and you grin. "So easily manipulated... That's so human of you, baby."

Not wanting to go down without a fight, Eddie thrusts his hips up in a stark motion. Your eyes rip wide open, a loud but short moan forcing its way out of your throat.

"Awww," Eddie copies your attitude, "that's so demon of you, baby."

Your cheeks flush and you give him a soft apologetic kiss. "Got the message," you mumble, "I'll try to keep it down."

"Thank you," Eddie huffs, kissing your cheek. "You wanna do this or you wanna keep talking?"

You lick the cut in his lip and, very carefully, slip it into his mouth, placing your lips on his like you saw in Eddie's magazines. Once again he reciprocates the kiss, playing with your tongue as he starts to move his hips.

The cautious movements make you huff and whine, feeling good but not quite as good as you know he can make you feel. You sit back up, massaging his chest with your palms as you try to get accustomed to the new position.

Once you're ready, you start moving on your own, up and down and up and down, opposite to the rhythm Eddie set. His breath falls short, little whimpers falling from his lips.

Meanwhile you get to feel it all, the pulsing, the thickness, getting filled and being wanted. You slip your wings under Eddie and, despite his confusion, pull him up, pressing his chest against yours.

With him this close, you wrap your arms around him, pressing your fangs into his neck and moaning against his skin. Eddie moans at the pain, slides his arms around your waist and starts pushing your rhythm. Faster and harder, until he's moaning into your shoulder, the room filled with sounds of wet squelching and skin slapping against skin.

"Eddie," you groan, pulling his head back and pressing your bloody lips against his.

He slows down, focuses on your kiss. It's his turn to bite your lip and you clench around him, starting to take on the speed and force he left off when you kissed him.

Happily letting you take the lead, Eddie leans down to kiss your chest. When you let spit drip down it's mixed with blood, but lands on the head of your cock. Eddie understands, kisses you again, forcing his tongue into your mouth and using his hand to spread your spit over your dick.

Through your riding him, you fuck yourself into his hand, making the most pathetic sounds Eddie ever heard. Your tail loosens, its tip moving to play with Eddie's balls instead.

He whines, "Not yet, fuck, please!" But you don't want to hear his pleads anymore, you want him to cum. "Don't want it to end," Eddie begs and you moan against his lips.

"Please," it's your turn to beg, "I want you to fill me up, Eddie. I want to feel you cum."

He whimpers and starts kissing you more intensely. He gives into the knot tightening in his abdomen, white hotness surging through his body as he comes undone. He groans very loudly into the kiss -into your mouth- and feeling the hot thick splurges of cum shoot into your hole, you moan with him.

"Yes," you encourages breathlessly, "fuck, yes, just like that, Eddie!" You kiss him, sloppily, open-mouthed, "Shit, thank you. Oh, fuck, thank you!"

Your thighs squeeze around Eddie's hips as he comes down from his high, but you don't have enough yet. He didn't want it to end so why should it have to?

— ☾ —

don't forget to reblog to support writers & artists

[gaypolls]

Submission Guidelines/Disclaimers

First, things to keep in mind when you submit:

there is a limit of 12 answers for polls, and on this blog one of those answers will always be 'show results,' to allow for people that the poll doesn't apply to to see without skewing data. so in reality you have a maximum of 11.

there's also an 80-character limit on the options

SO, if you go over those limits, know that I will take it into my own hands to decide which answers to omit and/or how to re-word it to fit the limit.

even otherwise, expect that the wording of your submission may be slightly altered in order to be more inclusive (when it doesn't affect the data), or because i think you missed an option that you probably meant to include, or just to make it sound less clunky. if you have an issue with any changes upon posting, i'm happy to hear you out.

currently there is no wait time, but if things go as expected, soon enough it'll likely be about a 4-5 day wait between the time you submit and the time it gets posted

if your poll is addressing a very small group, don't be surprised or angry when the 'see results' poll is the biggest. that needs to be there to keep data from being skewed by anyone's curiosity.

Base Guidelines For Submitting:

poll must be related to gayness in some way. it doesn't have to be directed exclusively at gay people, but it should center same-gender attraction. if you have a poll in mind to direct specifically at bisexuals, there's @mspecpolls

it CAN be a general LGBT poll, but if it's specific to something that has nothing to do with gay attraction, you're better off submitting to another blog. there's @transgenderpolls for trans stuff and @aspecpolls for ace/aro stuff.

it CAN be directed at a specific type of gay person, such as gay men, lesbians, specifically trans lesbians, nonbinary mlm, gay poc, disabled wlw, etc - literally you can address any specific gay group you want, just make sure to say so.

...this DOES include 'cis gay men/women/people' but tbqh you're gonna have to provide a good reason to be excluding trans people from the poll

in general if you want to explicitly exclude people who have a nonconforming relationship with gender, you better explicitly say so AND have a good reason. otherwise it'll be assumed that all sorts are included and if your options don't reflect that, i will change them or reject the poll.

it CAN relate to sex (i expect many polls here will be), just try to be tasteful about it. like, as long as it sounds like you're trying to collect data rather than arouse people lol

What would make me NOT post a submission:

as mentioned previously, if it's excluding subgroups without a good reason

if it's an opinion poll about the validity of any particular type of gay person. "validity" is a moot topic and i'm not going to encourage it, and in any case i'd like the focus of this blog to be about recording experiences (real, undeniable, forever in stone) rather than opinions (always changing, meaningless)

pride discourse polls, lol

anything that tries to pit issues against each other. no "which intercommunity issue is more important to you? ableism? racism?" like cmon

if it's just way too niche and would make a pointless poll. if a poll is "who's your favorite lgbt character" and then you've got 11 options from different TV shows, you gotta know that most of the ppl who see that poll will NOT have seen ALL those shows, so they'll really just be voting for the show that they know. it's just dumb.

if it's something like "gay people: do you like pineapple on pizza?" or some other question that doesn't actually have anything to do with being gay. if you wanna send something like this, make your case for why it's relevant that the poll is directed at gay people.

if it's some other obviously offensive shit, obviously. no racism or whatnot here.

FAQ:

Who counts as gay?

Like most of these guidelines I'll continue the same sentiment from the trans polls blog: We self-define here. But I will stress answering in good faith and understanding what any given poll is asking and what definitions they're using. If you're, say, nonbinary and bisexual in a way that makes all your attraction gay, or you're gay in a very specific way (like nb4nb), or you call yourself gay bc you're mostly gay but you're technically bisexual, or you're definitely homosexual but don't actually like to call yourself gay, etc, it'll likely just depend on the poll. It's totally up to you to decide if it includes you or not, or you can always ask if you want to be sure.

Though if it's not explicitly stated that the poll excludes transmasc lesbians or transfem gays, or other trans/nonbinary gay people, you should still for sure assume it includes you.

Why isn't there an option for X?/You missed an option.

Sometimes I may genuinely miss an option, but 9 times out of 10 the lack of the option is either due to the poll limits on tumblr, or because it goes against the point of the poll. For example, if the question begins with "If you're in a relationship," then "i'm not in a relationship" isn't going to be an option. If the prerequisite of the poll doesn't apply to you, then what you click is "see results." If it's something a little less concrete, polls will usually include some kind of "other" option anyway.

Can you make more polls for X type of gay person?

*I* make polls based off what I'm personally curious about. If you're curious about something, submit it!

Do you know that some people are gay in very unconventional ways that your polls aren't accounting for?

Yes, I know. When there's room on the poll, I try to be inclusive, but often there's not, and that's really the main thing there. However, I will admit that a secondary reason is that when a poll is addressing exclusively gay people, the fact that they're only attracted to one gender is relevant, regardless of whether or not it would still be gay of them to be attracted to more.

Can you get rid of the 'see results' button? Or can you not include it on this particular poll? I only want X people to respond. This poll is ONLY for X people.

If a poll is on this blog, it's for everyone, questioning and simply curious people included. It's also not going to stop curious people from clicking if there's no 'see results' button. It ensures that the data doesn't get skewed, and gathering data is what polls are for. It doesn't hurt you to see a big see results bar. The data is still there. If the bar does wind up obscuring more significant data, that means the poll was addressing too small of a group to begin with. And that's NOT the end of the world. This blog is far from the only place where you can get information about other gay people's experiences.

[may-bee-its-just-me]

personal life update

Hey yall, i figured i'd take some time to give a personal life update as well as allow myself to vent for a second. I'll start with the positives for those not interested in the emotional bits :]

I've been making more substantial steps towards buying a car! I've been looking into this one Saturn, and while it's got a few minor issues, it's still my best option so far. Hoping to buy it for 2000, or 2500-3000 if the seller is willing to continue fixing the current known issues.

I've also been growing a bit closer to God, and I've been finding peace among the chaos. I'm learning to lean on Him for support - which has been an uphill battle against myself and the feeling I need to cling onto what i can control, but when i have been able to let go it's been very freeing. I'm still working on myself and growing in Christ, but progress is progress.

I recently got promoted to Crew trainer (about a month or two ago). I'm now making 75 cents more an hour than I did this time last year, after two biannual performance reviews and a promotion. I heard rumors that I'd been in consideration for a management position but I havent been talked to about it specifically, and I'm not sure if I'd accept if offered it. Still flattering to know though :]

Apparently more than once, customers have spoken to my managers and possibly even some higher ups praising my work ethic. I think its specifically when working on front counter/in lobby, as I'm most actively engaging with customers then and they can see me compulsively scanning over lobby for trash when im otherwise not busy. Regardless, it's nice to know I'm making a genuine positive impact on customers' experiences and potentially the rest of their days. Today, one such pair of customers is an older couple known for being very particular, occasionally rude/difficult to serve. They had already called our regional manager that day to complain before I was moved up front, saw them, and said hi. Later on one of my managers came up to me and had mentioned they liked me, and I assume said something to them about it. :]

On the flip side, i've been in a depressive funk for several months now. I'm actually questioning if it's a depressive funk, or if I'm always depressed and sometimes it's just...not as bad. But the last few weeks have been worse. I'm struggling to take care of myself, and while it's not as bad as it has gotten before - I went three days without showering this week and lately i've been routinely skipping showers after maintaining showering almost daily for a year.

For the last few weeks I keep going back and forth between losing my appetite, and eating myself into feeling sick. I'm pretty sure this is from grief and will pass though.

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks/almost a month ago. For reasons, although there wasn't any real conflict between us during the relationship, it was more internal conflict and convictions. We'd been getting distracted with each other, putting off other things to spend time with each other. He needed to focus on his health and figuring his life out. Part of me still wants to cling onto hope he'll come back around, wants to go back and fight back against his reasons for leaving, because I damn know he still cares about me more than friends. But I'm trying to just trust that if we're meant to be, God will bring us together again naturally when we're ready for it. Trying to focus on getting my shit together on my end, and let Him figure the rest out. We're still friends, and through the relationship we were always friends above all else, so I'm thankful to still just have him in my life. I'll be okay, but the grief does eat away at me sometimes. I thought I had been recovering from it pretty well, but that was suppression (oops). I keep going back and forth from feeling okay about it, and feeling like a piece of me is missing. I even get mad at him from time to time, blaming him for my hurt feelings. "You promised forever" "you actively encouraged me to open up and lean on you, encouraged me to share my burdens with you, and now im supposed to just be okay with that ripped away" and then i see him, and i remember its not his fault, and he's always had my best interest in mind. Even in breaking up with me, he was doing out of the place of wanting what was best for both of us, and thought I deserved someone who already had everything together and wasnt a mess in himself. I know he genuinely meant every word he said in the moment, because i saw him. I saw it in his eyes. I saw it in his actions. I found the card he gave me for my birthday, and it made me cry, because it hurts my heart to think he's breaking both of our hearts needlessly. But everything happens for a reason, and so I'm trying to just...go with the flow of wherever this season of my life takes me. It hurts to think of either of us moving on with someone else, but whatever happens happens. I have so much love to give, and it's a challenge to find somewhere in the tangible physical realm to put it.

Silver lining, he said I can keep the shirt and hoodie he had let me borrow before. I've been wearing his hoodie everywhere...The only thing stopping me from still carrying my promise ring around is the sensory issues that caused me to stop wearing it to work in the first place.

The few coworkers I've told are convinced we're going to get back together soon, but again, trying to trust God and not my own hopes and dreams lol At the very least, no one can gossip about the break up because they can still see us laughing and getting along fine at work. A different couple had briefly broken up, and the amount of gossip that was floating around was awful - everyone talking trash about either person involved because there was a lot of friction between them. I'm just glad that wont be the case for us, and if we don't reunite anytime soon, at least we can still function at work more or less normally.

thats all tonight folks. Thanks for reading, God bless.

-Mod Bee🐝