#and it's interesting that it says something but no one will engage with the thing it's saying because you're not supposed to think about it

[steviewashere]

Thinking about some angst real early in the morning because I can't sleep!

CW: Implied/Referenced Depression, Implied Suicidal Thoughts (In Reference to Dead Poets Society)

Steve and Eddie breakup. They'd been together for years. And when I say years, I mean YEARS. So long that Steve had proposed to Eddie, so long that there's an engagement ring to leave on the table. So long that when Eddie leaves their relationship, their shared life behind with two suitcases and a pale strip on his ring finger, it means something.

Steve left behind with the words, "I don't love you like I used to." Words abrupt. Right before dinner was served. The house still tainted with the seasonings on Eddie's favorite dish. The dim light left in Eddie's wake. The cold spot in their bed. Half of a closet that once was brimming. A shower shelf that only has residue to tell that Eddie once existed there.

Steve who doesn't know what's happening, not really, when it comes to people being around him. He knows there's something. That there's always been something with him that has ruined everything he's ever wanted. Maybe it's the fact that he was a baby born from an act of cheating, the baby that forced a marriage into existence, the baby that became a point of contention and proof that there is no trust even in vows. Maybe it's the fact that when he says he wants to do things like theater or band or math club, he's told he's a pansy or a pussy or a fairy, that he's making a disappointment of himself, that he's not living up to expectations—expectations forced upon him because again he is a point of contention otherwise. Maybe it's his personality or his lack of personality or his clumsiness in his personality. It's the lack of book smarts, it's the lack of street smarts, it's the lack of—the absence, this crater birthing inside him. He's a child for not knowing, he's a child if he can't get himself together, he's something to be molded, to be made, he's a child for rebelling, he's a child for wanting something more.

Maybe it's the trying. The flowers and the apologies and the replacement camera and the cleaning of the vest and letting movies play (even when he doesn't like them) and turning on music just to consolidate his top-forty interests.

It's the fracture, hair thin and spreading inside him. Something that came with him when he was born. Something he's never known to remedy. He's a failure, he's a let down, he's grime, he's the worst, he's bullshit, he's unworthy, he's too much, he's actually a good guy, he's too opinionated, he's not opinionated enough, he's one way, he's this, he's a loser, he's—

He doesn't know who he is. He just bends himself into shape whenever he needs to be a certain way for somebody. The basketball star for his dad. The smarmy asshole for Tommy. The charming boyfriend for Nancy. The older brother for Dustin. The sarcastic best friend for Robin. The cool good guy for Eddie. But, deep down, he doesn't know who he is.

Eddie leaves him. In dust. In the afternoon. In broad fucking daylight.

And Robin comes over to comfort, to soothe, to love him—supposedly. And they do another dumb thing together, they form a lavender marriage. They coexist. They cohabit. They share the same bed because of nightmares, because they can't fathom being apart from each other. They eat at the same table and laugh at the same jokes and do the same things and talk on the porch. And Steve smokes a cigarette and Robin tells him to brush his teeth. And Robin is a loud drunk and Steve tells her to keep her voice down.

Robin falls in love with a girl. Steve is happy for her. Meets this girl. Meets the girlfriend. The lover. And, suddenly, it's not a lavender marriage anymore. It's two best friends and a girlfriend. It's two best friends and a girlfriend who has her own place. It's one best friend and a couple. It's a best friend in a too big house with an engagement ring on the coffee table and a cigarette between his lips and food burning on the stove and movies he doesn't have opinions on and an empty bed.

It's Steve with an array of hookups. One after the other after the other. He can't be loved, but he can be touched. It's the intimacy in sex, it's finding himself to be useful, it's finding himself to be handsome and worthy and wanted. It's Steve and a random hookup telling him that he's too shallow. It's Steve running out of condoms and always buying more. It's Steve and this crater stretching within him, a gaping maw in the center of his chest, his heart still beating like a near dead horse panting, held together by the thin, fraying sinew of grief.

It's him on the porch, the last cigarette in the pack, his teeth yellowing and his mouth gummy and the constant sheen to his empty eyes and being a few pounds underweight and the quietness of an uninhabited backyard. Him on the porch, Robin forcing her way inside to sit with him.

It's Steve turning to her, cigarette dwindling between his fingers. It's him being honest.

"You know that paperback you lent me?"

It's Robin conversing like this is kind of normal. "Dead Poets Society, right? I've been meaning to snag it back from you."

"I read it recently."

"Yeah?"

It's Steve nodding. And taking a drag and holding the smoke for a little too long. Until it burns. Until he can make it hurt. "Did you know that a girl called me shallow? Just because I wanted to have sex?" It's him not letting Robin answer. "I've run out of condoms, like, three times since Eddie left. I didn't even have sex with him that often. But...but...these girls, they always wanna know if I'm clean. The people at the clinic know me now. First name basis, Robs. And they smile at me when I come in. Like I'm doing them a service."

It's her being silent.

"I read that book you lent me. And...and it was weird."

"What was weird, Steve?"

"I could see myself between the lines. Like I was hanging onto the curls of the letters. Like I was Neil." He flicks the cigarette into the dead grass of his backyard. Watching it sizzle out and die, too. "I'm empty, Robin. I don't think I have anything else left in me to give."

"Don't say that"—

"Everything I've ever done in my life has been because somebody else wanted me to. And everybody I've ever loved, I think I only loved them because I was chasing something. I don't think I want love, Robin, I think I just want to be complete.

"And I don't think I'm there, like, at all."

"I'm here, Steve. I'm right here."

It's Steve seeing Robin. Her freckles and her sad eyes and her hope bundled tight to her chest. "I know," he whispers, "and none of this is your fault. I think it's me. I feel like...I feel like I'm gone or something, I don't know. Empty? Fruitless? Accepting something I'm not supposed to."

That's as far as I can think for this, I think. But I know for sure that Robin would suggest he goes to a therapist. But Steve would refuse the help because he's, like, so far in the dark that he's just out of it. He's letting all of this continue to pile on and hurt him because it's better than complete and absolute nothingness. And also, he wouldn't know what would become of him if he got better—he doesn't know what version of himself would become apparent; because he's never truly met himself.

This is also lowkey hypersexual Steve. Which wasn't completely an accident, but also wasn't completely purposeful.

[osiiiris]

V Perpetua - my headcanons

I think so far I’ve seen enough of him to develop some personal headcanons for Perpetua.

Perpetua is human to me, but a very strange kind of human. However, he wears a mask because he doesn’t want to be perceived as one.

He’s mostly nocturnal, has a history of selective mutism, and is terribly afraid of social gatherings. When he has to participate, he has absolutely no idea how to interact with so many people. In trying to seem “normal,” he ends up acting like one of those aliens from Men in Black, the ones wearing human skin but moving in incredibly awkward ways. He’ll say something weird, completely out of context, and people won’t know how to react. He’ll think he did a great job.

He’s absolutely clueless. Always. Completely uninterested in the world around him, he lives mostly in his own mind and frequently dissociates. Too bad, his mind isn’t a nice place. You’ll try explaining what he has to do on stage, and he’ll just stare up at the giant structure, imagining how it would look with real human heads hanging from the ceiling.

As a result, you can’t have a real conversation with him. He’s too unpredictable, and his attention span is too fleeting. Having a meeting with him is one of the most frustrating experiences.

When he was a child, he used to stare at people, a lot. From windows, from inside a car, from a distance, or even directly in front of them. He would stare them down for endless minutes with wide, unblinking eyes, making everyone deeply uncomfortable.

He can’t sit properly. You’ll most likely find him crumpled up in a chair, looking at you like an owl.

He’s only relatively interested in sex, in the sense that he rarely thinks about it or seeks it out. His mind is too detached and chaotic, and carnal lust isn’t his first choice when it comes to seeking pleasure. But when he does engage... he’s freaky. He has some peculiar kinks. Strange shit go on in his bedroom (and not only). He usually doesn’t need to have full-on sex to be satisfied: he just needs to practice his kinks. Most of his occasional partners don’t want to “have sex” with him again.

He listens to a wide range of music, from black metal to techno rave. He can go from Mayhem to Die Antwoord in an instant.

He has a passion for taxidermy that began when, as a child, he used to find dead lizards and snakes and cut them open to see what was inside. He’s not very good at it, though… his creations are terrible.

He collects real animal skeletons and fossils.

The only request he made as Papa was for a private laboratory. What he does in there is a secret, but techno music can always be heard when he’s inside.

He smiles a lot, mostly out of uncontrolled excitement, but since he can’t quite act like a regular person, his smiles are unnaturally wide and unsettling.

Although not many people knew of his existence, he spent a lot of time studying the old Papas. As a result, he often quotes their speeches during his concerts—but he’s no copycat. Sometimes he evokes their words and leaves them incomplete, adds something personal, or even mocks them. It’s as if he’s saying, “Do you remember this? Well, I’m not the same.”

Unlike the other Papas, he’s not in competition with anyone, nor does he want to conquer anything. He was simply pushed onto a stage, and now he just does the thing. His real interests lie outside his musical career.

Sister Imperator is still trying to figure out whether he’s the greatest mistake she’s ever made.

[lunawagner]

Bridegroom Training - Chevalier Michel His POV Event Story Fan Translation

Summary: Clavis, Nokto, and Luke want to quit their job in the foreign affairs faction, expressing their frustration with Chevalier's cold attitude as the king of Rhodolite and the bridegroom of MC. Chevalier doesn't take them seriously, but MC feels a bit worried. Later, during the annual gathering in the castle, the trio disguise themselves as servants (I know it is unlikely, but I pictured them as maids while reading it lol) and stir things up. In the end, we learn Chevalier acts especially cold and socially inept on purpose for the sake of MC, since she thinks mediating social interactions is the only way she can be of use to Chevalier.

Chapter 1

The faction of foreign affairs was comprised of exceptional individuals, though their brilliance was matched only by their propensity for clamor.

Clavis: Chevalier... I'm done. Take this, take this resignation letter.

Nokto: Me too.

Luke: Take mine too.

Chevalier:.. Ahh, nonsense

Without lifting my gaze from the documents, I sighed at the guys who were more spirited than the birds chirping outside But MC beside me seemed to take a sincere interest in their problem, looking up from the papers she had in front of her.

MC: Did something happen?

Clavis: MC, are you aware that your man engages in vile acts when you are not around?

MC:Nokto?

Nokto:He's telling the truth.

MC:...Chevalier-sama?

Chevalier:I simply had them accompany me to a diplomatic dinner

Clavis: Simply? You dare to say it was a normal dinner?

I saw no reason to classify it as anything beyond normal.

Clavis: Remember the dinner we attended at the duke's estate and what you did...

-Flashback Starts-

Duke: Clavis-sama, Chevalier-sama, your presence honors me beyond words.

Chevalier: ...

Duke: I assume that Her Highness didn't come along with you?

Duke: Even in these frontier lands, we’ve heard your fondness for her. If it's possible...

Chevalier:I did not come to discuss trivial matters. Get to the point

Duke: .....ugh...

Clavis: It surely isn't a trivial matter. As you said, this man is hopelessly besotted with my sister-in-law.

Clavis: And as she is absent today, his mood is… less than congenial. Pay it no mind. Hahahaha!

-Flashback Ends-

Clavis: Must you transform every amicable exchange into a scene from hell?

Nokto:Indeed. No matter who they are, you never smile at anyone.

Nokto:But you are able to smile in front of MC. To withhold what you’re capable of makes it look like you are doing it out of evil intent.

Luke: Actually, I don't really care, but I want to slack off, so I will stand with them

Chevalier:There is no use complaining about it at this point.

The matter scarcely warranted my attention. As I decided to ignore them, Clavis—chief instigator of this cacophony—slammed his palms on the table, sending a cascade of papers to the floor.

Clavis: Your apathy is insufferable. Cultivate some charm

Clavis: Do you plan to make your beloved MC experience that air of hell as well?

Chevalier:It is nothing new.

Clavis: Get some common sense. Sister-in-law will be your bride in the future.

Clavis: If her husband acts like a socially awkward curmudgeon, she will be bothered ordinarily

Ordinary, you say.

Clavis: MC, you too tell something.

Their gazes shifted to MC, and she offered a rueful laugh.

MC:I believe Chevalier-sama had his reasons for his conduct at the dinner.

Clavis: Hahaha, impossible.

Nokto:You're too soft on him. You will spoil Chevalier rotten.

Nokto:If our king acts like a sourball, it will affect Rhodolite's impression negatively, and he will make enemies unwittingly.

Clavis: Exactly. A man with a beaming smile versus a man with a threatening face. Isn't it obvious which one is more beneficial for diplomacy?

Luke: Haaa... *yawns*

What do you think I keep you here for?

Chevalier: I didn't know you had enough free time to start a meaningless protest.

Clavis: Yes, we are free. Can't you see the resignation letters?

Clavis: We won't lift a finger until you master basic civility.

MC:Are you serious?

Clavis: Of course, we are serious. We are genuinely concerned about this matter.

Luke: After comforting the teary-eyed duke for hours, Clavis reached his breaking point.

Nokto: I don't want us to become enemies with everyone. Nokto:Don't you ever think those you alienate may one day target MC as well?

Luke: A bridegroom shouldn't bring trouble to his bride Sure, if someone tries to hurt her, I will simply eradicate them

Clavis: It isn't just for your own good, it is also for our sister-in-law

Clavis: You can use this opportunity to learn how to be more sociable and train yourself to be a good bridegroom

MC:Chevalier-sama...

As MC looked at me with worry, I laughed it off

Chevalier: Do as you like.

The same night as I came out of the bath, I saw MC frowning with resignation letters in her hand

MC:Is it really okay to accept their resignation letters?

Chevalier:Do you think royalty have the privilege to resign?

MC:But they seemed serious.

Is this what you call serious? I settled beside MC on the sofa, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

Chevalier: Do you plan to write a resignation letter as well?

Chapter 2 I took the poorly scrawled missive, filled with ugly letters that seemed like a ciphertext, from her hand.

MC:Of course not

Chevalier:As they said, it might bring harm to you as well. MC:I've never thought about it this way. Maybe it is because I have never felt uncomfortable while attending gatherings with you

Chevalier:Really?

My behavior doesn't change that much with her nearby. I know that they didn't exaggerate when they said my attitude in social situations is terrible. But MC didn't seem to be lying too. I guess I know the reason

MC: I will try to convince them.

Chevalier: I don't care, let them be.

MC: But...

Chevalier: You don't need to indulge their antics

Chevalier:However, I might have you attend this year's annual meeting with me.

When I'm alone, scared aristocrats can't hold a proper conversation I guess they want me to improve myself to avoid this.

MC: Is it okay for me to attend?

MC smiled happily without giving a heed to the previous warnings of others

Chevalier:Yeah.

As Clown said, you are too soft on me.

I used to keep social interactions minimal, but kingship increased the instances that I can't avoid. The annual meeting being held in the castle with the attendance of powerful aristocrats was one of them

Duke: Thank you for inviting me to such an honorable meeting

MC:We are grateful for your attendance. I know you came a long way from the frontiers. Did yesterday's rain bring any inconveniences to you?

Duke: I'm surprised you know about it. A landslide forced a detour, but as you see, we arrived unscathed.

The duke whom we met last time during the dinner seemed healthy and happy, in contrast to how pale and scared he was before The king's attitude didn't change, but MC's gentle interventions during the conversation helped to ease the duke's nervousness.

Duke: I heard about MC-sama's likes from Clavis-sama, therefore, today I brought a present for you

Duke: Our land is famous for its rose wine. I hope it suits your taste

MC:Thank you for your kindness. We are excited to try it. Right, Chevalier-sama?

Chevalier: ..Yeah

As our eyes with duke met, tension started to form in the air. MC quickly clapped her hands, clearing the air.

MC:Speaking of rose wine, I heard that your land has rare rose species

Duke: Her Highness is really knowledgeable. Those roses are...

It seemed like a trivial exchange at first glance, but I know these kinds of niceties forge alliances.

-Flashback Starts- Nokto:I don't want us to become enemies with everyone. Nokto:Don't you ever think that those you alienate might hurt MC as well? Luke: A bridegroom shouldn't bring trouble to his bride -Flashback Ends-

Chevalier: ........

???: Excuse me, MC-sama.

During the talk, one of the servants approached her. He restyled his hair, wore glasses, and even changed the tone of his voice slightly, but still it was but a poor attempt.

Did he give the resignation letter to change jobs and become a servant?

Probably ordered by his other two brothers to do so, the tired-looking servant whispered something to MC and left. It was easy to guess what he'd told her

MC: I'm sorry, can I leave for a moment?

Chevalier:There is no stain on your dress though

MC:Ah?

It seems she didn't realize who he was

Chevalier: It is okay, you can go

MC:Thank you very much, I will be back quickly

MC made quite an elegant curtsy one wouldn't expect from a commoner before leaving

The duke's despair was obvious in his face as he was left alone with me.

Duke: ...........

Chevalier:.......

They won't gain anything by leaving me alone

Duke: ...Today the weather is very nice.

Chevalier: I told you that I don't intend to talk about trivial matters

Duke: I apologize!

???: Ahem!

It was irritating The "servant" who crept behind me was throwing disrespectfully sharp glances at the king

I don't act like this without a reason, but I don't have any obligations to explain everything one by one. As I was about to turn around and leave, I saw another "servant" tilting the wine glass. Apparently, he was planning to spill the wine on me in case I left.

Why do they want me to socialize that much?

Chapter 3

It wasn’t as though I remained entirely unchanged. Beneath the weight of their expectant stares, I exhaled sharply. Originally, I had no intention of continuing this conversation—yet I relented this time.

Chevalier: I heard those rare roses are quite popular among merchants

Hearing my words, Duke's body stiffened, his nervousness more palpable than before. From my periphery, I noticed "servants" clutching their heads in frustration.

Chevalier: You intend to grant Benitoite exclusive rights, do you not?

Duke: How did you...?

Chevalier: Calm yourself. I won't reprimand you.

Chevalier:But as you know, roses are a cornerstone of our national industry.

Chevalier:I don't approve of letting another nation monopolize our rare species

Duke: You mean...

Chevalier: Double it

Duke: Double?

Chevalier: I will buy the roses in your land at twice the price Benitoite offers

As I completed my sentence, a glass shattered behind me. They were overreacting

Chevalier: I assume it isn't a bad deal for you

Duke: But it will be quite costly...

Chevalier:It doesn't matter. Preserving roses is among the royal family's responsibilities as well

Chevalier:It will remain as a private trade deal, not a national enterprise. But it's an investment that can recoup the expenses easily

Those roses...

MC:Thank you for waiting

I turned to find MC, now in a fresh gown, standing with a smile on her face.

MC:What were you discussing?

Chevalier:Nothing of importance

Duke: ....Ah-!

Duke: Right, right, we were merely talking about a personal matter with Chevalier-sama.

The man proved more quick-witted than he seemed.

As I scoffed at it, Duke managed a clumsy smile. However, the earlier tension was dispelled, making our exchange appear more cordial to observers. Although my brothers might deem it unsatisfying, for the cruel beast that was a miraculous development.

Including my tendency to abstain from idle talk, all of them were facets of my love for her

As the public affairs ended, MC left to change her dress in a different room. While heading to my chambers, I overheard familiar voices

Clavis: MC, you’re being exploited. Open your eyes to the truth.

They are still at it...

As I erased my presence and approached nearer, I saw four silhouettes standing there.

Clavis: You saw it yourself today. No matter how much we warn him, he won't change his attitude

Nokto:You are the same as us, a tool for him.

Nokto:Likewise, you have to mediate between him and the aristocrats, feigning smiles he won’t deign to offer.

Luke: Don't you have any complaints?

MC:No, I don't have any.

Clavis: My, my, an instant answer?

MC: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but if anything, I feel more pleased than troubled

Nokto:...You have quite a peculiar kink

MC:No, it isn't that... You know, Chevalier-sama is flawless and perfect as a king.

MC:He accomplishes everything so effortlessly that there's little I can do to assist him

MC:The only area where he struggles is social interactions like these

MC:And I can clearly feel that he needs me by his side

MC:If he becomes perfect even in terms of social pleasantries, then my only duty will disappear.

MC:So... I'm sorry... I know that it is a selfish wish...

MC: But I want Chevalier-sama to stay just as he is

.....I already know. For when you mediate between me and the aristocrats, you always wear a proud expression.

The three complainers exchanged glances.

Clavis: .....So that is the main reason why Chevalier refuses to change his attitude

Nokto:Well... I had a feeling it would be something goofy like this

Luke: Then why the resignation farce?

Nokto: Ah, we forgot to tell Luke

Clavis: I...lost it.

As my fool of a brother fell to the ground, Clown smirked triumphantly.

Clavis: I accept the defeat. You won the bet, Chevalier wouldn't change

Nokto:Then that trade agreement is mine now.

Luke: Ha? You made a bet?

Nokto:Yes, to see whether Chevalier would improve his attitude if we used MC as leverage

MC: You guys... I've thought you were serious about resignation letters and panicked.

Luke: Chevalier must have realized it earlier. Good thing he didn't get angry.

Clavis: Hahaha, he doesn't care enough about us to get angry

Nokto: He's only interested in MC

Precisely. That's why I told her she doesn't need to indulge their antics

MC:Ah!

As I stepped onto the balcony, MC's eyes widened, a smile blooming on her face like flowers Clown and Jumbo also realized my presence, but my fool of a brother, who was on his knees, didn't turn back to see me.

Clavis: Still, it's irritating. This means the man won't change his behavior in the future either, right?

Clavis: At least he should be the test subject for my potions as compensation.. Agh...!!

Chevalier: Seems like I stepped on something

Clavis: YOU!

Chevalier: Finished with your antics?

They should be grateful for my patience.

Nokto:Sorry, sorry, our bad.

Luke: Ahhh, it was a short holiday. Chevalier:Leave

Hearing my words, Clown and Jumbo disappeared quickly. But my fool of a brother didn't leave after getting up from the floor

Clavis: Sister-in-law, do you like roses?

MC: ..? Yes, I love them..?

Clavis: What about the rare roses on Duke's land?

MC:I'm really curious about them. I heard that they appear to be cute and little, but actually are edible and used in foods.

MC: If they become more prevalent in our country, I would like to make sweets using them.

Clavis: I see, I see. I thought it was an unusually extravagant purchase for my brother, but..

Chevalier:........

Clavis: Evidently, even tedious small talk with aristocrats becomes tolerable if it concerns my sister-in-law.

MC:...What are you talking about?

Clavis: Hahaha, don't mind it.

It's too late to say this. Finally, my fool of a brother departed, MC and I locked eyes on the balcony filled with the fragrance of roses.

MC: How long have you been listening to us?

Chevalier: Long enough to hear most of it

MC:Hehe, I didn't notice you

The night breeze swept through, ruffling MC’s hair in its wake. As I reached out to smooth it, her pure eyes glowed with joy.

MC: Chevalier-sama, thank you for giving me a role

Chevalier: It is just bothersome for me

MC:Then I should continue to do my best to fulfill it!

As my brothers pointed out, my way of handling things might breed enemies. They weren't entirely wrong when they said it might cause MC to have a hard time as well. But that struggle is what MC wishes

-Flashback Starts- Clavis: You can use this opportunity to learn how to be more sociable and train yourself to be a good bridegroom -Flashback Ends-

Finding what is best for MC...There is no important training than this.

As my lips curved, MC reached up to my hair. It seems like my hair had been tousled by the wind too, yet she fixed it with tender touches

MC: Learning the reason behind your attitude... I feel like I've fallen in love with you all over again.

Emotions seeping through her voice poured into the former beast's heart.

Chevalier: You never change, simpleton.

We leaned in simultaneously, our lips warm as they met.

[hedwig221b]

Howdy di Hedwig, any chance you got some sub drop Stiles and aftercare? Would be swell, thanks!

I didn't find a lot, but here's what I have

Even Forbidden Fruits Get Picked by flitterflutterfly

When Stiles’ best friend gets himself bitten by a rogue werewolf, Stiles convinces him to seek aide from the local pack. Stiles tags along, ready to help Scott despite the knowledge that he likely wouldn’t be welcome. After all, Doms rarely ever approved of Stiles and he thought the Hales would be no exception. So he was surprised to find that not only had the rogue seemed to develop some kind of creepy fascination with him, the young alpha wolf, Derek, seemed to want him as well.

Said Sleeping Beauty To The Big Bad Wolf

The guy zeroes in on him with such intense focus that Derek kind of wants to run away, or maybe drown in those eyes, or maybe wrap the guy up in cotton and protect him from everything forever. Instead, wracked with indecision and overstimulation, his brain just shuts off. He doesn't know if he's thankful or mad at it for that, because that just leaves him looking into warm honeyed whiskey eyes which are as wide and inviting and beautiful as the day is young. Cinnamon-spice attraction, tangy lemon curiosity, all wind-swept and coated with wild berries. The smell of him is overwhelming. Considering who he's engaged to, though? The influx of interest on his part is a little worrying and not something Derek wants to trust at all. Laura is wrinkling her nose, at this point. Derek doesn't necessarily blame her. His Mom, however, just gives the guy a sharp look before schooling her expression, standing from her chair at Peter's bedside and saying: "Are you Peter's fiancée?" [Or: The one where Peter is the Beast and Stiles is Sleeping Beauty and Derek is the Big Bad Wolf, only, the Beast is the one sleeping, and all the Big Bad Wolf wants to do is save Sleeping Beauty.]

Do Not Go Gentle by MojoFlower

Derek Hale, Beacon Hills Alpha and Dom, wakes up in a dark cell already housing another captive – a mute, traumatized sub with a cruel collar around his neck. His only goal is to get them both free of their brutal circumstances; but even as he tries to get his young companion home, a bond between them grows. Nothing comes easily: danger and harrowing echoes of their ordeal shadow every step they take.

Tax Evasion by standinginanicedress

Stiles chews on his thumb a bit harder, and for a second he thinks about saying no. He thinks about letting the whole thing go and just going back to his life, the safe and easy way out. He considers just settling for someone who’ll never really get him, some boring guy who touches him the wrong way and buys him flowers sometimes. He’s been doing it for years upon years, now, and really, what’s a little bit longer? And then, what’s the rest of his life? What’s the worst that could happen, he wonders? Trying something is better than not trying at all.

For Your Eyes Only by standinginanicedress

"Are you a fucking psycho? Be honest. Are you sick in the fucking head?” “No,” Derek says. “I’m a rich guy who likes twinks.” “Uh huh,” he doesn’t sound convinced. “You have twenty thousand dollars just lying around waiting to be spent on having cam sex with me?” “I do,” he shrugs. “And then some.” Silence. “You’re rich?” “Yes. I have money. I have an important job. That’s not what we’re talking about. Are you in or out?”

[masterlist link]

[aquaquadrant]

What I'd give to know what Jimmy said to Timmy during that conversation to reassure him

this is a very old ask and referring to part x of from eden, when jimmy and tango first met timmy. while tango was chewing bravo out, the bird boys were off in a huddle. this is that huddle.

~*~

“bravo! did you- oh.” timmy breaks off mid-sentence, every other thought flying clear out of his mind as he stares at his counterpart.

there’s no one else it could possibly be. timmy knows this instinctively, as instinctively as he first knew his own name was timmy despite the username ‘animositygaming’ glaring up at him from his communicator. as instinctively as he first knew that being called ‘jimmy’ by others as a joke felt wrong for reasons he couldn’t articulate- until now.

“oh,” he breathes, his voice small even to his own ears. “i see… you must be jimmy.”

“and you’re timmy,” his counterpart says softly, in a voice ten times stronger and richer than timmy’s despite the identical cadence, “aren’t you? gosh…”

(they’re finally meeting!)

(it’s about time.)

(a tale of two jimmys!)

the old voices in timmy’s head have been far more active lately than they were over the last several years. they’d visit from time to time, typically only whenever something interesting happened to him at spawn. of course, ‘interesting�� tended to mean ‘unfortunate for his personal wellbeing.’ the voices added insult to injury whenever a spawn camper or wandering ruffian decided to take out their anger on him, finding a nasty sort of satisfaction in his pain.

but he never paid much attention to the voices, because they’d only ever tell him things he already knew: he’s weak, he’s pathetic, and he deserves every awful thing that’s ever happened to him.

since reuniting with bravo, there’s been a surge of activity from the voices. they seem to take particular interest in bravo, all the things he says and does, reacting with amusement or excitement. every hard-won battle against the mercenaries hunting them, every new development with his redstone portal, every tense engagement with mr. instinct- it’s almost entertaining to them, timmy thinks.

and they love to tell timmy that bravo doesn’t really care about him, that timmy is just a novelty that bravo will grow tired of, that he’s not good enough to be worth all this effort.

“timmy!” bravo hisses, panic and guilt written across his face. “i told you to wait for me to come get you!”

as if timmy needed the voices to tell him that.

his counterpart, jimmy, is better in every imaginable way. he stands several inches taller than timmy- not due to an actual height difference, but because of his posture. he’s more confident, less closed-off; his back straight and his broad shoulders set back. and they are broad; his frame is filled and muscular, no hollows in his cheeks, no sharp angles to his bones. healthy tanned skin perfectly complements his golden hair and deep brown eyes, with no dark circles to speak of. there are however some fresh cuts and bruises that must’ve been bravo’s doing (he’s a good fighter, not like timmy) but jimmy’s only perceivable flaw is the scar across his crooked nose- which, in timmy’s opinion, just makes him look rugged.

his hair is short, timmy realizes. not as short as his own after bravo took a pair of shears to it, but much shorter than the unkempt state timmy previously let his fall into. and with that, it all falls into place.

“sorry,” timmy murmurs, “i was just… gosh, i- everythin’ makes sense now…” he turns to bravo, apologetic and understanding. “i… get why i wasn’t good enough.”

he’d wondered why bravo even bothered bringing him from spawn, why he’d put up with his uselessness all this time just to be disappointed- beyond the usual kind, that is. there was some sort of hidden expectation that timmy just couldn’t meet, and now he knows why.

(and the truth comes out!)

(see, we tried to warn you…)

(how does it feel, knowing you were just a second-rate replacement?)

bravo cringes. “no, no i- i didn’t mean-”

“ey, c’mere mate,” jimmy interrupts, crossing the distance to timmy in just a couple strides. “it’s alright. ignore him a second, hey?”

jimmy fans a wing out to block them from the others, a curtain of sorts, and timmy can’t help but admire it. the feathers are all full and smooth at the edges, rippling with a golden sheen that catches every stray bit of torchlight. they look like they’d be soft to the touch. unconsciously, timmy tucks his own raggedy wings even closer to his body.

“you alright?” jimmy asks, quieter now. “i- i gotta say, this is a bit of a surprise, isn’t it?”

that might be an attempt at shared humor. timmy chances a look up at him, shoulders hitched by his ears. “so, we’re… counterparts?” he ventures hesitantly. that’s one of the words bravo’s used to describe tango- that and doppelgänger, clone, and some others he’d rather not think about.

“seems that way.” jimmy exhales slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. “i- i’m so sorry you’ve been trapped in this horrible place, i only just found out about counterparts but i swear, i was gonna come for you. it’s just- there was a lot goin’ on, and we had to work out the portal thing…” he winces. “i’m sorry, that- that sounds lame.”

“it’s alright,” timmy whispers, tilting his head. strange, that jimmy seems to have placed that responsibility on himself. “not… your fault.”

“what happened to you?” jimmy asks, voice filled with sorrow and eyes shining with empathy. “i mean, how- how’d you get like this?”

(emaciated and disgusting, you mean?)

(even more pathetic than you!)

timmy wrings his hands, suddenly feeling a rush of shame at his haggard appearance. “hels is… too dangerous, for people like me. i learned spawn is safer, even if… there isn’t any food.” he glances over his shoulder and past jimmy’s wing, where bravo and tango are speaking in hushed voices on the other side of the cave. “that’s where bravo found me.”

here jimmy pauses. his eyes dart about in a very particular way; scanning timmy intently while simultaneously trying to not look like it. “does he treat you alright?” he asks, his voice low and careful.

“he… treats me as good as he’s able,” timmy answers with a sad smile, stretching out a wing to glance at the shorn flight feathers he knows jimmy’s already noticed. “he was tryin’ to help, honest.”

(busted!)

something dark flashes in jimmy’s eyes, making timmy’s heart jolt- to think someone could get so upset on his behalf! “oh, don’t you worry, we’ll get that all sorted,” jimmy says firmly, before quickly softening again. “but for now, can i just say… i’m so glad i got to meet you.”

timmy blinks. “… what?”

jimmy spreads his hands, shoulders bowing forward as his wings draw in. “i dunno how this whole thing works, if you’re actually a part of me or not- or i a part of you, y’know, it- it goes both ways. but i just think…” he smiles then, and it’s kind and warm and a little bit blinding, just like the fabled sun, and says, “gosh, how special it is… to meet someone like me.”

(well, that’s certainly… a take.)

(aw, they’re kind of sweet… in a pathetic way.)

(birds of a feather, these two.)

despite himself, timmy feels his own smile- a real, genuine smile- spread across his face. “yeah, same here.”

jimmy brightens at that, reaching out to put a hand on timmy’s shoulder. the movement is careful and gentle, so unlike what timmy’s used to, and he thinks he’d be content to stay like this forever even if the mere weight of jimmy’s hand is starting to drag him off balance.

“we’ll look after ya, mate,” jimmy says, “i promise. now, let’s set a few things straight with bravo, shall we?”

“alright,” timmy replies softly.

(wow, never thought there could be a player worse than jimmy at practically everything.)

(it’s a low bar, but you’ll still never be able to reach it, overworld or no.)

(you’re not worth it.)

jimmy’s hand tightens on timmy’s shoulder, almost as if he can hear the voices, too. but timmy pays them no mind.

it’s nothing he doesn’t already know.

~*~

[vibatu]

"Just a sip" , a comic idea that I have filed away under the "I no longer know when or if I'll ever finish it" category (Doesn't feel right to say "discarded" lmao) (who knows, maybe one day I pick it back up!).

I really love the thumbnails I managed to sketch out (especially that last panel at the third page!!!!!!! I want and need to make more of that), its been I think almost a year since I've made them though, and it just doesn't feel right just let them keep collecting dust after so long especially when I don't even know if the inspiration to complete it strikes again, so, here it is! Read more for further rambling into the details~

This is another "what if" comic where wanted to explore mainly:

1. Ocudeus and The Seaspring. And what could happen within someone's mind once they drink (Lukas is our text subject! Yay!)

2. "Interesting" paneling, or at least visually engaging compositions in pages (I love making comics!) There's so many things I want to practice and try out to make bring the movies in my head come to life in this format.

On to the "plot".

We start out with Lukas drinking from The Spring. Hypothetical-Timeline wise this would be happening at the "ending" of the TS story in which not a single cure is found for MCs curse. Last resort type of situation. This happens on pages 1, 2, and page "3". In this post the 3 image would actually be page 4, I just never sketches the 3rd (I just drew what was clearest in my head first). Imagine 3rd page having a shot of Ais staring at the process from a safe distance with a cig while Lukas is writhing on the floor losing his marbles after drinking (lol).

Now the fun part. Ocudeus. I imagined the process of joining the groupmind not happening instantly. I thought about Ocudeus himself manifesting in their new host's mind and sometimes striking conversation (which happens in isolation with just the two of them) (brain is not part of the primordial soup. Yet)

We don't know what Ocudeus looks like either! So I went crazy. At first I was just gonna make them take Ais' shape. But that felt, not quite right for an eldritch being. So instead, Ocudeus takes the form of whoever is drinking :) thus manifesting themselves as Lukas inside Lukas' mind.

There's a huge jump in events from Image 3 and 4 of the post. After Img 3 there's a lot of talking going on. Asking if the curse can really be cured. Ocudeus being a sassy smug menace cryptic about it and reminding Lukas that there is no going back anyways and that is no longer something Lukas should be concerned about. He will no longer be himself, so why worry.

After this its just a "Descent into true madness", see Img 4 for reference, where the "world" just really starts to warp around and eventually ends with Lukas getting "consumed" by the darkness of the giant octopus, his lasts thoughts as "Lukas" being those of relief of finally getting rid of the curse, and grief over leaving his life behind. Fun stuff.

Comic was supposed to end with Lukas jolting awake (His head was resting on Ais lap now).

After sitting up abruptly and wiping his tears away, with hands that now look properly human. Lukas turns to Ais and asks, with a gaze now as red as the seaspring near them.

"Why am I crying?"

-

THATS A LONG ONE If you read this far, well, thanks! ;w; I hope you enjoyed the read, even if there is no full comic to pair. The Seaspring is so interesting to me.

Some other random things: I got inspired by the Honkai Star Rail promo video where Acheron and Black Swan dance together. The visuals and visualization of Black Swan's "being" being consumed by the endless void was SO good and when I realized this concept could work for the seaspring in a similar way I needed to get the idea out of my system.

Have an extra! Alternative version of my fav panel. Only difference is the eyes, this is the first version. Which I drew before Redspring revealed what Ais' eyes looked like when his cephalopod friend is driving the car.

Vibi out~ (⁠・⁠∀⁠・⁠)

[jamtamart]

i wanted to add my thought process on this piece as i had such a blast painting it. i want to explore lawrence and vincents dynamic even more now that i've dipped my toes in

thoughts under the cut- its quite long so!

Theres not many individual elements actually in the piece to go over, but i wanted to talk about how i actually ended up painting the subjects as i did, as i was quite purposeful with the small amount of details i did end up using

So my very first point of inspiration was the fact that vincent discovers hes intersex through appendix surgery in the film. This detail always stuck out to me in multiple ways- its a very mundane way to discover something that, for vincent, could disrupt his very being- especially in comparison to the way he discovers it in the book, being injured in an explosion in Baghdad. When rewatching i kinda immediately made the connection between the placement of appendix surgery scars and the five holy wounds, specifically the one christ receives on the side of his chest from the holy lance.

From there i thought about the wound itself- what do i actually want to say by showing vincent like this? Theres the obvious generic connections of christ and sacrifice but i wanted to say something more, which is when i thought about thomas’ point of view in the room of tears.

Thomas has an interesting perspective. Thomas’ view of women and sexuality has always intrigued me, especially in the shadow of the institutional power dynamics that surround him and others in the church. Theres a lot i could say, but in the context of vincent, i always think about how he would see vincent after the room of tears. A man that was his brother, his equal, now his technical superior, is… something else? Thomas obviously has a very rudimentary an biased understanding of gender and sex, and its obvious in the room of tears scene he is grappling with this in real time. His ignorance towards women and his own desire almost manifests into denial of the new holy father. 

With this, i thought of doubting thomas. Kind of an obvious place to go when doing a depiction of christs side wound and you literally have a character called thomas whos whole thing is doubting his faith, but i wanted to do more with that!!!!!!!  i wanted to push the typical depiction of doubting thomas thrusting his hand into the side wound into something more sensual, intimate. lawrence’s denial of sexuality, especially how prevalent it is in the book, is so interesting to me.

I had recently read an article, which i’ll link at the end of this, that discussed the medieval depictions of these wounds and the uses behind them. What stood out to me was the discussion of sacred/secular imagery and how they were used as one in the same, both points in prayer. That love, romantic and sexual, could also be used in a sacrificial sense, forming union with christ. What got me even more was the imagery of jesus’ wounds given to women specifically. Prayer books that invited women to lick and touch his wounds, presumably having the books in their laps and they bent forward to engage with prayer. Images that put the women in jesus’ place, to experience the sin with the sacred. 

I highly recommend reading the article to get the full grasp of the details, but i felt as though this paired with a figure representing a doubting thomas spoke well to what i wanted. Lawrence is a man who is not sure he holds faith anymore, and yet still is ultimately defined by his faith, its everything he is. He goes to bed in the same pose he did as a boy to not give in to temptation, however over time its transformed into something else, something regretful. He holds so much desire, not necessarily in a lustful context, but desire manifests nevertheless. 

This is why i decided to depict lawrence not just touching vincents wound, but pulling it apart, consuming what it leaks. I wanted to place lawrence in a similar position to the aforementioned women (and men, though there is a focus on women having these personal pocket prayer books) and their personal prayers, subjecting himself to the wound, to vincent.

There is also evidence that historically the imagery of the side wound was purposefully made to resemble that of a vulva in places. This and the direction to directly interact with the wounds made me want to push the sacred/secular even more. I purposefully painted the innards of vincents wound to mimic this imagery, just so slightly. I didnt want it to be obviously in your face, more just so a subtle nod to the theming as a whole, as well as the fact that in the book its said vincent’s surgery was a clitoroplexy and labia fusion correction, different to the hysterectomy we’re told of in the film.  A quote in the mentioned article caught my eye, “looking down at the wound places the viewer in a similar position to christ on the cross… the female devotee is a hybrid herself; part christ, part grotesque; part male, part female.”.

I wanted to leave vincent’s gaze looking unimpressed, slightly uncomfortable. I think of how he’d feel in the papacy, unable to go home and resume his aid, surrounded by people that look up to him in a way he hadn’t experienced before. What he’d think of the man he believed should have been in his position kneeling in reverence, consuming whatever would come from him. 

Lawrences perspective in the piece is one of submitting to faith and attempting to connect to the unknown, his doubts pushing his desire. Vincent must bare himself open, prove his being and become an object of admiration. Though he is the holy father, he must also submit to the people. part christ, part grotesque; part male, part female.

the article here

doubting thomas

[burningcheese-merchant]

There. Vent post is gone. Got someone else screeching at me (real mature, by the way. Sending your little buddy to come harass me in your place. Both of you, grow up and grow a spine. Get thicker skin. Learn to stand on your own two feet and own your own shit without crying and cowering behind your lackeys. You're going to have a really hard time in the real world if you don't. Take that advice before it's too late) and I don't feel like responding to any more drama. Post is gone, people are blocked, that's that. No more talk of this.

I'm just some asshole on Tumblr. All I ever asked was to be left alone. I don't go out of my way to harass random people for the crime of shipping something I don't. And it would be nice if people extended that courtesy to me, regardless of what they think of my ships. I am not interested in having a conversation with someone who will speak to and treat me like I'm an agent of the Devil for shipping something. I do not care how old you are, that is not how you talk to someone. My parents would've beaten me if they found out I spoke to someone like that, regardless of why I did. I am more than happy to engage with people in a polite and civil manner if they do the same for me. If they will not do that for me then I will not do that for them. Perhaps that is not the right thing to do, but whatever. I don't care anymore. I reserve the right to be upset when someone treats me terribly for no actual reason. And I really do not care what your age is. You do not interact with people like that. If you do, then you don't get to cry and act like you've done nothing wrong when the people you treat terribly respond in kind. Talk shit, get hit. That's how the world works.

I made a singular vent post where I did not name anyone and explicitly asked people to please leave that person alone if they somehow found them anyway. I was never looking for drama in the first place. I made one post where I allowed myself to express anger and that was it. I'm only human. I resent being attacked for something so ridiculously small and petty. I am allowed to say something when someone is so harsh and rude to me. And I honestly maintain that staying here and making one vent post instead of engaging any further with this person was the better choice. 1) I am not interested in talking to children anyway. I specifically asked minors to stay away from my blog entirely. I am an adult. Leave me alone. 2) I don't believe that someone who seems to think I'll bring about the downfall of society by shipping a hero and a villain together deserves engagement. I've had conversations with people who disagree with shipping Beast x Ancient and we both came out of them just fine, because we both spoke to each other calmly. This person was never interested in having a conversation with me, they came at me like a rabid dog hunting for scraps. They didn't want to talk, they wanted to yell and accuse. And if that's how it's going to be then you're not worthy of engagement anyway.

Whatever. I'm sorry you all had to see that. Let's all do ourselves a favor and leave it behind now

Edit to add one more thing. Even if I did talk to this kid any more than I did. It would've just turned into "omg why are you yelling at a minor??? Why are you arguing with a minor??? That's so pathetic what's wrong with you???" No win conditions lol. No matter which door I opened, I would've opened it to an angry mob. Only thing I should've done was block them on sight immediately with zero commentary, which I now regret not doing from jump and intend to do with any other people like that from now on with zero tolerance. This is a video game about talking cookies. It's all so tiresome

[prettyboykatsuki]

The author will imply that a character is an abuser and also imply that it may have come from trauma and ppl will skip over both and be like: no never not my poor meow meow. Or the author will explicitly say it and Then you’ll have a horde of ppl condemn you for wanting to explore the dichotomy with which the character exists

LITERALLY !!!!!!

or like. this one the most but a person engaging in abusive behavior is a separate and different issue to the repeated pattern of abuse. like one of the things i hate most about the lack of media analysis is how shallow and one-note abuse is interpreted by fandom audience a lot of them time.

abuse can be and often is complex. and every person in the world is capable of engaging in abusive behavior. or like the fact not all people whom are abusive act out of malice. a lot abuse in the world come from people who are well-intentioned and that is a deeply complex thing to navigate

like people are complex and so are their actions and their behaviors. being interested in the humanity of a fictional character who has a past of abuse/ is evil is literally. important. its a reminder that everyone can be capable of harm and that the most important thing you can do is take accountability for yourself. like the importance of engaging with those characters and empathizing with them is That ultimately.

humanizing abusers is not about redemption most of the time. but merely about demonstrating that evil is not some omnipotent form, but something every individual is capable of under the right circumstances

[gengor]

I think my most unpopular takes among people who have a more sympathetic view on Edelgard, but enjoy the blue lions characters, is that I don’t think it’s very likely any of them would defect.

While it might be in some of their best interest to defy the kingdom, the blue lions were specifically written as the characters who are inclined to uphold the system.

I just think that a person who chooses to serve an institution that they know is flawed or is actively hurting them is a very real type of person, and is, in fact, the average person irl. I think I’m gonna start doing breakdowns of all the blue lions one by one to explain what I mean by this. I’m gonna go ahead and start with one of my favorite examples— Ingrid.

Part 1: chivalry

“Knights, I suppose. I do what I can to live like one. And I hope to die like one too…when the time comes.” - one of Ingrid’s expedition quotes

Chivalry and Knighthood are very important themes to the azure moon route. And their politics are woven into the fabric of the monarchy. It’s no mistake that Felix is to Dimitri what Ferdinand is to Edelgard, and Lorenz is to Claude.

But while Felix serves as the oppositional character to chivalry, Ingrid foils this by being embodiment of it.

Ingrid is a character who is hurt by the system as a woman whose family values her solely for her ability to have a richer man’s child. She understands that her life is made worse by her place as a woman, and although she wants to break free of that, she can’t envision anything that isn’t just subjugating herself to a different set of rules. Ingrid strives to be disposable in a male gender role rather than a female one.

She reveres knighthood and the code of honor in death—which is often propped up as an ideal for non royal men. So while her endings where she conforms to gendered expectations are tragic, I would argue that any ending that sees her knighted is also far from a feminist tale.

And I think what a lot of people miss about this aspiration of hers is how glued it is to her grief for Glenn and the subsequent romanticization of Dimitri.

Ingrid is one of the few characters who cannot engage with criticism of Dimitri’s excessive violence. If you seek her during the exploration time within the heights of Dimitri’s recklessness she will never once acknowledge the sinking ship they are all on. For many characters, it’s common that they only retroactively acknowledge Dimitri’s instability after he apologizes and says he wants to do better. Most of the army will give you some sort of acknowledgment that Dimitri hasn’t been a perfect leader during the “kings triumphant return” chapter.

Yet Ingrid never does.

And while she does argue with Dimitri within their supports, it is only because Dimitri expresses discomfort at the rationale that places him on this pedestal to begin with. It is the only thing he can say that she cannot affirm. And toward the end of the support chain, she’s rationalized his aversion to knight codes to fit a more digestible narrative for herself. If Glenn’s death for Dimitri was the gold standard, then it means Dimitri has to be the perfect heir worth protecting with her life. She *has* to figure out how his disagreements with her can fit neatly into the narrative of Glenn’s heroic death. If she doesn’t do this, she would be forced to grapple with the possibility that someone she cared for died tragically without meaning.

I would argue Ingrid is an unreliable narrator to herself here when she claims she has moved on. If her requirements to process death involve retroactively deeming death to be good, then she is still rationalizing a random tragedy.

And this is something we see her do in her last support with Felix. I think there’s a subtle kind of horror in the conclusion of her Felix supports. She could be very well justified in lashing out at him over his repeated misogyny, but what she sees as the most important issue to correct is his aversion to chivalry.

She positions herself in a way that’s hard to combat because she is simultaneously arguing that she is *not* falling in line with any propaganda while also pushing the idea that Glenn died honorably in a way that’s worth imitating. Instead of framing this as a lesson in obedience to authority, she gives more a ‘friendship is magic’ vibe.

But the thing is, Glenn likely *was* influenced by the culture surrounding chivalry. The only characterization we have of him is that he adhered deeply to the ideals of chivalry (Dimitri claims Glenn and she are ‘very alike’ in that regard and Felix tells us that Glenn used to read him knight tales) Glenn was also child soldier, specified to have been around 15 at the time of his death. The man who raised Glenn will also state outright that he would have held his son responsible had he survived.

And it doesn’t appear to just be an isolated instance with Ingrid and Rodrigue. This kind of rhetoric is very common in the kingdom, popping up within npcs as well.

All that’s to say that Ingrid’s desire to become a knight is steeped in her baggage surrounding Glenn and cannot be copy pasted to another country so easily without breaking her character.

Being a knight under a different banner wouldn’t be the same because Ingrid doesn’t want to do many of the questionable things military personal are ordered to do on a regular basis, in fact she has an active aversion to it.

But she views her inclinations to disobey Faerghus authority as the wrong choice, a weakness she ought to instruct out of herself in order to be an ideal knight.

Part 2: Gender

So I see a some criticisms leveled at Ingrid’s character in relation to Glenn that I want to acknowledge.

I think it’s very fair to criticize the idea that she is defined through her grief for a boy she was in an arranged engagement to. I can see why some would write off her character as being just another misogynistic portrayal of a woman and move on.

But I think what saves this plot line (to me) is the implication that she idealized Glenn as someone she wanted to *be* more than marry. I really appreciate that when asked directly about whether she would have married him, she implied that she wouldn’t have.

I think there’s something to be said about the interpretation that Ingrid is an incredibly repressed sapphic or possible aromantic.

The only man she expresses romantic interest in is Dimitri, which is likely an extension of her reverence for him as a royal ideal, more so than it is a genuine interest in him. To me, her expressed interest in him undermines her claim that she has let go of her past idealization of being his knight. She is still prioritizing him first and foremost before herself, which is the heart of the issue.

I think Ingrid as a person is just very susceptible to the idea that she should fulfill some kind of established roll within the existing system instead of breaking free from all of it. This is why she only sees her life as only having two paths forward— knighthood or motherhood.

And even within the latter, which is more widely understood to be regressive, Ingrid will still make excuses for the people who attempt to reduce her to her ability to bear a nobleman’s child.

There’s a lot to be said about her hesitation to condemn her father for putting her within an arranged marriage. And within Houses, I think her Byleth supports, combined with her paralogue, communicate this well. But I think the most blunt example of this can be found in her Mercedes Hope's support

In response to Mercedes asserting that Ingrid’s family loved her unconditionally Ingrid says, “I wouldn’t go that far.”

I think it’s important to assume Ingrid’s perspective on her family is the most reliable account of them. If she says they didn’t love her. They didn’t love her.

She is a woman enduring objectification at the hands of her father. And even if she herself hesitates to name it as abuse that is textually what this was. Mercedes is projecting her own love for her brother onto these men who she has never met before.

Yet even still, her conclusions within many support chains end with her reaffirming a gendered status quo on herself. The same is true of support chains that end in her performing an expectation of femininity.

Part 3: Xenophobia/Racism

So I think Ingrid's racism is not an isolated, uncomfortable trait of hers. It is an extension of her patriotism.

When Glenn died, racism was just one of the multiple propaganda pieces that Ingrid fed herself to create a more digestible narrative.

Within her Dedue supports Ingrid seems to be grappling with the possibility that she was wrong to buy into this narrative. I think it's notable that the only thing that pushes her to reconsider her bigotry against Dedue is that he shares an unhealthy reverence for Dimitri. And within this flawed start-up, she is still expecting a victim to engage with her in an open discussion on whether or not he is a person.

Ingrid seeks to hold him somewhat responsible for not educating her on racism enough. And yeah, I don't have a lot to say on this, it just sucks.

I don't think Ingrid ever fully moves past this bigotry, which is in part due to the creators not actually knowing what an anti racist narrative would look like.

I've said this before, but it's worth stating here too.

Ingrid is far from the only racist person in Fe3h. Most of the narratives around racism end up with the characters reaffirming racism.

But within Ingrid's case, I think it makes narrative sense that she would still show signs of bigotry. Because within all aspects of her life, she doesn't escape the system.

And I know that within her gender, this is the writers themselves doing misogyny. I don't think they intended Ingrid's arc to be a tragic one. And I wouldn't fault anyone for disregarding the narrative value of this on the basis that it's not meant to be tragic. I've personally just come to love the blue lions as accidental tragedies because, regardless of intent, it just feels real. I think Ingrid is one of the few that I could see potentially realizing the flaw in her thinking someday, but it does her writing a disservice to imply that this could be a quick and seamless transition for her.

[skrunksthatwunk]

ok final post about this bc im probably never playing it again after this

1. the hide and seek game doesn't involve actual hiding spots in the map but instead these giant numbers/shapes pop up and hopsalot just stands behind them super visibly like this and says "im hiding behind something [color]"

man this is so hard but it might be easier if i knew. what green was. shucks i better go play a Fun Minigame At The Learning House huh (sorry this isn't the most visible shot. i tried </3)

2. when i was looking at this in-store i was wondering if this was partially/completely the pet section of the jumpstart mmo that was in a different art style and sorta existed on its own and the answer is "kind of." the pets and several of the minigames are the same (the shopping and pet bathing come to mind), but the world is unique, to my memory. which is kind of interesting bc this came out in 2007 and the mmo started in 2009. maybe they wanted to reuse elements of this game as a cost-saving measure. (i remember thinking, back when i played the mmo, that this was kind of weird and a lot less engaging than the rest of the game. but the rest of the game WAS more targeted towards my age demo, tbf) (also if there's ads in my manual does that mean this was a rerelease or something??)

3. the images you reveal on the painting boards are often low res and not filled in properly, which is really funny to me. they're cute though

4. there are two options per save file, explore mode and story mode. i made the mistake of exploring the entire world and doing all of the minigames Before starting story mode. turns out story mode is an agonizingly slow full-game tutorial 💀💀💀

5. ok now im gonna to talk about why i think this game kind of blows as an educational game for 3 year olds. that's the rest of this

the educational themeing and minigame design are both incredibly lazy. they don't really have lessons so much as drills where you identify things they ask for. which isn't Horrible in an educational game, but like.. they were blatantly reskinning games thrice over just so they could claim to have more variety on the box. it's so obvious. of the learning house minigames (the majority of them) most of the minigames fall into two gameplay types: simple memory matching games with 4 pairs per game, and "click thing when it pops up before it goes away" (one shot whackamole). of these, there are also three categories: lowercase letters, uppercase letters, and numbers 1-10. each of these categories has a game with three levels of both gameplay type, which means there's 18 of these ten second matching/whackamole games covering the same bases. you're meant to replay these games, too. and like. some repetition is a good thing. little kids don't mind it as much and it's good for drilling information. let it be known that i LIKE repetitive and simple gameplay a lot of the time. but i think presenting these concepts in different kinds of game modes is more engaging and helps them learn to apply the concepts to different situations, which Does matter. it should be fun.

i don't know how to express how like. empty this game is. there's genuinely so little content there, and so much of it is just reskinned/slightly reworked for the illusion of a new game. and so much of it is like.. taking a better game from a different entry in the franchise and making it even simpler. like. listen, i played the jumpstart world games for far longer than they were meant to be played, age-wise. it's not that i can't be entertained by "pick the thing with the circle on it!" level content (whatever that says about me), or at least that i can't remember what it was like to be entertained by that level of game. but this is like. not very good at teaching anything. it'll have a number game that's like "find 10" and it'll have a little pictogram that's like "10🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸" like they don't even have to count because you put the numbers on there. they're not learning to count they're learning the shape of the written numbers. am i making sense?? their reading practice seems vaguely modeled after seussian methods of repeating words with similar vowel/consonant sounds to teach those individual sounds, but like. in far less consistent, entertaining, and creative ways. it's like they're half-assing it. even the characters are less realized.

something i respected a lot about the 3d world games (my only other engagement with the franchise) is like.. how full they felt. a lot of the games drilled the same concepts, but they would be very different stylistically, and some were clearly not educational at all. there was also usually a time limit/speed component that made things more exciting/consequential, as well as competition between yourself and some of the other campers. you could lose! i think that's okay, and maybe even better! like the hide and seek minigame. that's something you could play with hopsalot in the 3d World games, but because the map was bigger and had more natural hiding places, he was sometimes kind of tricky to find. you had to explore to find him. in pet rescue the area was not considered this way, so they put biiiig numbers so he has Something to hide behind, and so the hints can be number/color-related. in general, world's environments were a lot more interesting. there were plenty of hills and cliffs, and these changes in elevation and more consideration for environmental detailing (and things like decorating) meant that you felt like you were exploring and playing in those areas for real, rather than circling a verdant bathtub. a lot of the competitive mini games involved running around those environments (racing, catching bugs, etc), and it was much more fun that way. here they've been replaced with "point at screen and click the blue thing" games, which is the same as all the learning house minigames anyway!! you don't move your character through minigames, you move a cursor, which means they've somehow managed to give motion controls LESS physicality than the good ol wasd+mouse setup. it's so weird. anyway you can see/do everything in this game in about 1.5-2 hours, probably 2.5 for a small child. it's a TINY game. and literally all the dialogue from the characters is just "hey, why don't you go to x building to play some fun minigames?", which is sad!! sad existence!! you made them barkers for your shitty establishments and it's very lame

without currency and with the painting boards being pre-set images you can reveal if you wanna (until you leave the area) the decoration has been limited to the prizes you earn during learning house minigames. these are 26 statues with a letter motif. so L is a lamp. if you wanted a lamp. that's it. the statues aren't that fun and they're often made ugly by the incorporation of the letters. and again you're not allowed to have something fun that's non-educational because we need to boost the number of learning things on the box. and you get like five cds. in the whole game. the world is not nearly as customizable which means you care less about traversing it. and you don't unlock any of the character/house decor elements so there's little fun in playing around with the extremely limited selection of options. not NO fun but not MUCH fun. and that kind of thing is important!! kids like personalizing stuff, they like having creative control and freedom and that's not something they really get much of irl! they deserve better than your shitty a is for apple statue!!!

and that's what a lot of this boils down to. i can't say for certain what i would/wouldn't have liked at age four playing this because i haven't been four for a long time. and ive never spent a lot of time around kids this young. my analysis is certainly limited. but i think kids deserve quality entertainment and edutainment is a really cool and frankly vital part of that. edutainment games like this were pretty important to me growing up and i want kids to have the same memories with them that i do. and i care about the people who put a lotta thought into making Good kids content, stuff that respects the wants and needs of kids instead of just gesturing at utility, claiming to be more than they are. kids deserve better than a game trying to dupe their parents into buying it. kids deserve better than a game this simple and boring and utterly lacking in magic. that's my takeaway from um. jumpstart pet rescue 2007. so. yeah 👍

anyway pretty much everything i liked about it was taken nearly directly from jumpstart 3d world OR was done better in the mmo. i love the sound design and i find the voice acting charming, both things they largely got from 3d world. um. yeah. i think the pets are fun

"75+ learning experiences" they're lying to you. and i know im the only one silly enough to buy this but don't buy it basically

bc of local promos we did more game store scrounging and i had a dreadful conversation with my little brother's friend

"yeahh im so excited to learn shapes and colors ✌️"

"oh lmao you actually got that? why"

"nostalgia"

"ohhhh so you had that game as a kid?"

"no"

1. it's nostalgia for the SERIES. but no i am not immune to the funny baby game

2. finding out about ec as a rating through this was like icing on the cake. "yeah they made a rating for games for like liiiiiittle little kids like zygotes who can't read. ive never seen it before because they almost never make games for people so young and babymoded haha"

3. this purchase happened about 20 minutes before the "im in college not high school reveal"

LEAVE ME AND MY SIX DOLLAR PURCHASE ALONEEE

[themeraldee]

omg the idea of him not having (or at least thinking he doesn't have) a soulmate because of how he was born 👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌it reminds me of a soulmates au fic i wrote for a vastly different fandom where those who were born without soulmate markings were known as "the soulless". yknow. just for the extra angst.

AHHHHHHHH YES I love that so much. Nothing like adding another brand to his already scorched soul. I think that would be a really good angsty selfcest fic or just a pure Homelander whump.

Now that I'm thinking about it more I'd love to see how Vought deals with that.

Because depending on the kind of soulmate AU it could be I see them abusing his still 'soulless' status by running game shows like 'Could you be Homelander's soulmate?' and whatnot. And how sad would it be to be presented with hoards of people wishing to be his soulmate and having them all rejected by fate. While knowing the people signing up to see if they could be his soulmate or not are not even there for him as much as they are for the fame and prestige that comes with being on TV.

Or would they just manufacture a soulmate for him because they don't want him to be seen as abnormal (beyond the obvious) Like they wouldn't want to highlight that he didn't have normal upbringing or ever even really had the chance to find love the normal way.

[oreolesbian]

the absolute lack of media literacy from people who haven’t even seen oppenheimer is making my head spin but whatever

[transmascutena]

Good evening (or morning, depending on your timezone).

Absolutely no hate, but I want to ask how you reconcile your enjoyment of the show with the reality of what Ikuhara has (most likely) done?/gen

I understand Death of the Author, but what drew me to Utena in the first place was its theme of critiquing the patriarchy and calling out abuse, which feels somewhat hypocritical now. I resonate with this show, and many of Ikuhara's other shows, on a personal level, which is why I am especially disappointed with the accusations since I now have to wonder how that reflects onto me as a person...?

Obviously I don't know you personally, but you seem to spend a lot of time and care on your analyses (which are great btw) so have you also struggled with this?

Again, there is like zero judgement when I say this and I'm absolutely not trying to come off as hostile (in case that is how this reads). And, there is no pressure on you to answer this and I'll completely understand if you want to ignore the ask.

Thanks.

hi, i've been thinking about this as well since yesterday, and it is kind of tough to figure out how to feel about. i think it's important to remember that ikuhara did not make revolutionary girl utena alone, for one. he had a whole team of writers and animators and producers and so on, that it would not exist without. obviously ikuhara played a big part in the show's creation, but far from the only one (if it was, i have no doubt it would be very very different), and . idk what my point really is here but i don't think his actions reflect on the show as a whole. it still is what it is, it still says the same important things about our society's systems of abuse that we've always talked about, even if the director didn't understand it or didn't want to understand it or however you want to put it. and by extension i don't think it reflects on to all the people who have enjoyed the show, who have seen their experiences in it, who have learned from it more about how this kind of abuse works and so on. and i think we need to be aware of what has (allegedly, but again, i believe it) happened, but i don't necessarily think we need to write off the show just because he had a hand in making it. because it is just as important as we've always known it to be, you know? though i think there are (as there has always been and there always is in anything) elements of the show to be critical of, and maybe some new things as well in light of this. i'll have to think about it more.

[batsplat]

OT3: casey stoner/his neuroses/the concept of valentino rossi that mostly exists in casey’s head

y'know I have this casey stoner... idk what it is. thematic mind map (literal), let's say, that I like fiddling with and adding things to when the mood hits me. and it does always strike me just how many of his struggles during his careers and issues with the sport can in some way be linked back to the valentino rivalry

casey's sense of isolation? super valentino related. casey's feelings of cultural alienation in a paddock dominated by europeans? even when it's not really related to valentino, casey is the one linking those two things together. casey's issues with other riders not being respectful enough on track? very obviously repeatedly about valentino. casey's discomfort with the performance and entertainment-related aspects of the sport? more valentino. casey feeling treated unfairly by the manufacturers, the media, the marshals, the fans.... keeps coming back to valentino. casey's mystery illness really shouldn't be as relevant to the rivalry as it is, but somehow through this combination of public discourse and whatever comparisons casey's brain is cooking up at any moment in time... there valentino is again

one of the most charming things about valentino's feuds is that in each and every single one, both participants end up being deeply weird about each other? just keep knocking off these banger quotes about the other where you read them and go. hm. what's going on there then. I don't want to make it sound like I think casey is the worst offender with this (not when marc and valentino have their whole thing going on, bidirectionally)... but I do think he's the most susceptible to conflating his valentino issues with like... everything else that was going on in his career. to the extent where his alienation with the sport as a whole, his extreme disillusionment from everything related to motogp, really cannot be meaningfully disentangled from the valentino rivalry. at times it feels like, to casey, valentino literally is the sport. and that's the thing casey dedicated his whole life to!! which means you do inevitably end up regularly going 'wow there's a lot to unpack'. add in a dash of neuroticism...

and yeah you're so right anon!! the neuroses are what end up creating the version of valentino that mostly exists in casey's head, a version that casey is just a touch obsessed with. I always think it's interesting how aware casey is that he doesn't know valentino as a person - and to the extent casey does know him, he gets on pretty well with him... but valentino the person isn't all that relevant to him. it's valentino the character who matters - and can you even really know a character? in the end, all casey can do is rely on his own understanding of that character, as imperfect as it is. and, well, in a way casey is trapped with that character forevermore. if one man comes to embody a sport to such an extent and if that sport has been your life's work, how can you not be a little bit trapped? as he tries to make his peace with the sport and his experiences within it, so too has casey settled on a narrative of valentino that helps him make sense of it all... a very specific understanding of his rival that casey has shaped in his mind and still trots out now when he sells his own version of events to the media. casey learned from valentino, casey learned to be a little more like valentino, casey learned to fight valentino with his own tools, casey tells himself a story of that fight. he still continues to do so - and in the end he will never be entirely free of valentino

[pynkhues]

Poor Lestat laying in fetal position, looking so small and having dead eyes :( Armand saying he's come home was so creepy, wtf was he thinking. You know, this scene just doesn't make any sense to me, why would Lestat go out of his own will to a place that's the biggest ptsd trigger you can imagine. To punish himself I guess? Sometimes it feels like Rolin wants Lestat to have so much agency that he never allows him to be a victim. Kinda worried how they'll handle s3 wrt this. I hope they won't victim blame him for every bad thing that happened to him because 'he deserved it'.

Oh, anon, I'm sorry because this is probably not what you want to hear, but I love that Armand said that Lestat's come home by going back to the place he was turned and assaulted, because it feels really emotionally honest and true to these characters.

Claudia, Armand and Lestat are all victim-survivors, and I think the show's demonstrated that it's really curious as to what that means.

There's a school of thought that's currently becoming more understood in feminist circles that victim-survivors can often not believe each other, or diminish each other's experiences. The nature of the sort of abuse that Claudia, Armand and Lestat have all experienced is that they've had to process it to a point where they feel they are the expert of their story. They know what happeend to them, they've gone through a lot to know what happened to them, and it's a way for them to take control back of their own stories. An unfortunate side effect is that it can lead to these victim-survivors feeling they know more about your story than you.

They've survived it, so they feel they can tell who's the liar and who's the truthteller, who got off easy, who had it worse, who's stories are more than or less than, and that idea itself is a trauma response manifesting as something ugly, right? Abuse and assault are felt in so many different ways and manifest in so many diffferent forms, but this idea can take hold in victim-survivors as a means of taking control over what happened to them. If they can use - which Lestat does when he weaponises Claudia's rape against her in the train to force her to come home - undermine - which Claudia does against Lestat when she tells Louis not to take Lestat's truth as fact - or diminish - as Armand does against Lestat when he shrugs off Daniel's question about Magnus in 2.03 and talks about Lestat coming home in 2.08 - this subset of people will.

Armand is a character who has endured unimaginable sexual abuse. To divorce that from his understanding of Lestat's own trauma does both characters a huge disservice. How they navigate each other as two survivors of (very different!) forms of sexual violence is interesting, and it's unsurprising that Armand, having been groomed and assaulted by Marius, would view a maker's home as - - well, home.

And frankly regardless of that, if the show stays true to the book, Lestat will live there for a while after Magnus' death because he has no money, no one to call on, and no idea who he is now that he's been turned. Gabrielle lives with him for a while there! Magnus' tower is, in the books, a very complicated place for Lestat.