#and it's good it's wonderful it's everything he always dreamed that smithing SHOULD be; everything it always was for everyone else but him

[tathrin]

@the-smartass-under-the-mountain oh that is fantastic yes. It sounds to me like you have a story to write! (please?)

#either version would be amazing! #and theres always that one elf/dwarf whose brain work opposite #like an elf that does need everything in An Assigned Place bc memory is for Songs ans Genealogy not Hammer Location #and they end up getting along with the dwarf smiths better bc FINALLY someone understands that the tongs live on the 2nd shelf #or the dwarf that works seamlessly with elves bc they can hand off tools to each other without even glancing up from their work

A thought on Elves and Dwarves (as inspired by my roommate and I and the one place where our brains really don't line up):

Elves with perfect memories, who know exactly where they put that thingamajig even when they last set it down twenty years ago, and thus can always find whatever it is they're looking for amidst what looks like total disarray to everybody else.

Dwarves with perfectly ordered spatial awareness, who are so accustomed to the layout of their workshop or forge that they can lay their hands on any tool in there without even looking, and always set everything back where it belongs out of ingrained habit.

Elves who never ever put things back where they belong, because "put that away neatly so you can find it again" is simply not a concept that exists in elvish minds, because it doesn't need to.

Dwarves who will look right past the thing they're looking for if it's not where it belongs, because it's not where it belongs, why isn't it where it belongs, where did you put it you daft elf...?

Elves and Dwarves in the smithies of Ost-in-Edhil, ready to go to war over the arrangement of their tools, and Celebrimbor on the brink of tears desperately trying to keep the peace here that he never managed to in Nargothrond.

(alt: could easily be done the other way around too, with elves always putting things away because then the thing is always where it's supposed to be, even twenty years later, so you can find it again, because they have so many more important things to hold in their memories than where they last put down their favorite hammer, and after a few hundred years you fall into the habit of expecting things to be where they belong so you don't even look to find them somewhere else; and dwarves who have such an innate sense of their tools and their workspace that they don't need to have "proper places" to put things away, because of course they remember where they put their hammer, what kind of a question is that, can't you just feel where your hammer is wtf???)

[peachhcs]

all eyes on you

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

will and samy have to relearn how to be in a relationship together on top of will's new found fame as an nhl player

2.6k words

MAKING MY RETURN ONCE AGAIN! here's something i wrote that i didn't hate!! so sorry it's been so long i keep getting writer's block lol anyways writing hate comments is lowkey so fun hahaha but here's will and samy navigating their relationship after getting back together :)

au masterlist

will was beyond excited to finally get a weekend off. he'd been going, going, going since preseason back in august and now with it being almost november, the sharks didn't have any weekend games for once. as soon as thursday night hit, will was packing his bag for michigan to see guess who? samy.

he did feel a little bad he wasn't using the weekend to go home to boston, but his parents assured him it was okay he flew out to michigan instead. it had been months since the couple saw one another, so the blonde wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to see his girlfriend for a few days.

samy waited patiently in the arrival line of cars, eyes scanning the doors for her boyfriend. she was bouncing off the walls all week getting the place ready for him and rambling on to hannah and her other roommates about their weekend plans—surely talking their ears off about the particular blonde.

she spotted him first when the doors slid open. samy jumped up, waving her hands around to catch his attention as he scanned the line of people for her. when their gazes finally met will quite literally rushed into her arms. he scooped her up into a tight hug, her feet lifting off the concrete as the two spun around.

"i missed you so much," will mumbled into her shoulder, her hold getting even tighter.

"i missed you, too. it's so good to see you," samy beamed up at him, her hands already threading through his longer curls.

"god, it's been so long," will embraced her again, the couple melting into one another when a click caught their attention and someone tapping the boy's shoulder.

will turned, confusion on his features when two girls stood behind him with large smiles, "will smith, right? we're big fans."

the blonde flushed, eyes flicking around—he didn't quite expect running into fans at the airport, but he sported a smile nonetheless.

"yeah, hi. it's good to meet you guys."

samy watched from behind will as he signed their hats, a gentle smile on her lips. she loved watching her boyfriend interacting with fans knowing how many people looked up to him nowadays.

"thank you so much!" the girls grinned before hurrying away. will watched them run back to their own car, eyes turning back to his girlfriend.

"okay, big shot," she poked his chest, another flush spreading across his cheeks.

"sorry about that," he murmured, slightly embarrassed that their moment was interrupted.

"i gotta remember my boyfriend's a big star now," she flicked will's cap before climbing back into the car.

the embarrassment was quickly washed away hearing samy's appraisal. to will, she would always be his number one fan. they pulled out of the line and began driving back to the university. his hand slipped over her thigh, squeezing lightly while leaning back in his seat. for a moment, everything felt like before—before the nhl, before the fame, before college when they were still young.

"ryan and gabe are jealous i get to see you this weekend and they don't," samy joked.

for a second will frowned, the guilt that he didn't go home to boston still lingering in the back of his head, "i wish we could all be together."

"i know, i told them they should fly out, but they have a game tomorrow so they can't miss it. i said we could facetime or something," the brunette giggled and will chuckled.

"hopefully i'll see them in a few weeks. i'm going to boston on the next weekend off," the blonde hummed and he felt samy squeeze his hand resting on her leg.

"has it been everything you've dreamed of?" samy wondered, her gaze meeting will's briefly.

"yeah, it has. it's really great. the guys are awesome. i love san jose. it's cool doing it with macklin. really couldn't have asked for anything better except wishing you were there or that everyone was there," the nhl seemed like a dream so far away for will and it was still hard to believe he was actually living it.

"i'm really proud of you. you're really glowing there, literally and figuratively," she pinched the boy's cheeks meaning the nice tan he acquired.

"thank you. i still miss all of this though. i wish i could do both," as they got closer to umich, will couldn't help but think about boston and how fast everything went. too fast.

"well, i guess this weekend can be your three day escape back into it. eth and mark are excited to see you too," the brunette grinned and will laughed.

"figured, but i'm surprised to hear that considering last time i was around they hated my guts."

"i mean, rightfully so. don't worry, they're cool now. they might rough you up, but they're excited to see you," the couple exchanged a smile and will squeezed samy's thigh, all of the stress from the last three months finally leaving his system for the weekend—and will couldn't be more relieved.

—

with any high profile job, there was always the negatives. it couldn't be escaped no matter how hard one tried to get rid of it. will knew all the fame would bring its critics. it was kind of a given that there would be haters and negative comments here and there. his agent prepared him for it, or at least tried to. he just had to ignore them and not engage knowing anything he said online could be used against him.

it was a whole thing the blonde was still getting used to. he had to watch what he said, posted, liked, commented on—he basically couldn't really breathe on the internet anymore knowing someone was always watching.

it was easy until will was scrolling through his feed and landed on a photo of him and samy at the airport.

the boy sat up, scanning the photo closer. it was zoomed in like whoever took it was further away. he could see the two fans about to come up to them. a somewhat uneasy feeling settled into will's stomach not really liking that there was someone watching that entire interaction between him and samy.

it was the caption and all the comments that got him though. there was about 200 since the photo was posted an hour ago and the caption said: first weekend off for the san jose sharks and newest prospect will smith is spotted in michigan visiting his girlfriend. spotted talking with fans!

will was told not to read the comments on things like this because if they were bad, it'd send him into a spiral he couldn't get out of. usually, he didn't and just scrolled past but the ones showing up in the preview wouldn't let will tear his eyes away.

user1: HUH i thought he broke up with her??

user2: goddd he's back with her?? thought he was over her for good.

user3: he could do so much better than her jesus. i literally thought she cheated on him🤨

user4: ignoring fans for a worthless girl 😭😭

user5: woah these comments did not pass the vibe check why is there so much hate??

user6: i actually hate their relationship sorry. people think she's so great because she's quinn and jack's little sister. she only got into umich bc of her brothers. she actually sucks ass at soccer    | user9: uh hello?? this is crazy she's actually really talented and really smart. she got into umich all on her own    | user6: nahhh bro u crazy fans are so brainwashed into thinking that just bc she's a hughes    | user10: uh her last name has nothing to do with anything. she's good on her own wtf u on??    | user6: i'm just being real. she's been leaching off smith for YEARS and y'all don't even realize it    | user9: leaching?? wtf she was way more known than will she is not leaching. who hurt u wtf

user7: GET HER OUTTA HERE BRUHHHH

user8: samy hughes they could never make me like you

user11: he's probably only with her bc he gets to get a taste of that 🍑🍑

will shut his phone off, eyes blurry. he couldn't believe people were saying those things about samy or how they could even post those things knowing others were reading it. suddenly, the blonde worried samy would see those comments.

"okay, i'm off to practice. you gonna be okay here alone? hannah should be back around 6:30?" samy walked into the living room dressed in her practice uniform.

"yeah, yeah. i'll be good. have a good practice," will put on his best smile, leaning up to place a gentle kiss to the girl's lips.

"thanks, i will. are you okay?" samy saw her boyfriend's flushed state.

"hmm? oh, yeah. i'm good," the blonde nodded.

"okay, i'll see you later then. i love you," will grinned, waving to her as she slipped out the door.

will grabbed his phone again, going back onto the post. there were even more comments than when he just looked at it, his breath catching in his chest. he couldn't believe there was so much hate and how people were taking the context out of proportion.

it didn't help either that will and samy were still relearning how to be in a relationship with one another. they were still working out their kinks which wasn't easy being across the country from one another and now there was this.

hannah walked into the apartment an hour later, gaze on her best friend's boyfriend staring at his phone. she raised her eyebrow, "hey will?" 

her voice startled the boy as he jumped up, but calming when he saw that it was only hannah as she shut the door behind her. "oh, hey. sorry. you scared me," will mumbled, sitting back down. 

"are you okay? you looked stressed," the brunette set her keys and backpack on the counter, reaching for the cabinets for a snack. 

"oh, i'm fine," unfortunately, hannah didn't believe him. 

"you sure? you look like you've seen a ghost," the younger duke sibling laughed. 

will knew he could trust hannah, so he motioned her over to look at his phone where he hadn't stopped reading all the comments. he let her look it over, the girl slowly scrolling through all the comments under the post. 

"jesus, these people are so ruthless," hannah mumbled. 

"i can't believe they're saying that stuff. how could people be so rude?" will said in disbelief. 

"they're just jealous and petty that you're not their boyfriend. don't let it get under your skin," hannah handed him his phone back, but her words didn't ease the boy's worries. 

"how are you so cool about this?" will didn't get how hannah seemed so chill about what people were saying unlike him who was ready to punch someone in the face. the girl shrugged. 

"i don't know. i mean i hate that they're saying that shit and it's really gross, but you gotta remember samy and i are kind of used to it. samy more than me i guess. we've been in our brother's shadows our whole lives. people have always had shit to say about us," she had a point that will didn't think about. he settled back into the couch. 

"okay, fair, but i still hate it. they know nothing about my life and shouldn't be disrespecting my girlfriend like that," will stated. 

"maybe you could say something? from what i've learned, haters will stop when they hear it from the source." 

will considered hannah's words until samy got back from practice. she smiled when she saw her boyfriend in the same spot she left him in, going over to kiss him on the forehead as she shedded herself of her bags. 

"hi, get bored while i was gone?" samy chuckled. 

"no. how was praactice?" will pulled samy down to the couch with him for a bit. 

"it was good. we ran some drills and a possible new formation coach wants us to try at the next game," the girl explained. 

"sounds just like hockey practice," the blonde chuckled. 

"yeah, sometimes i feel like i'm at hockey practice," samy hummed, pulling her phone out to look at since she hadn't since practice ended. 

will quickly grew nervous again. he was scared samy would see the post knowing people were starting to mention her in the comments. even though hannah told him they were used to it, it still made him feel uneasy that all of those strangers were saying such horrid things about them. 

"you okay? you've been looking like that since we got here," samy noticed her boyfriend's expression again. 

"yeah, fine," will nodded, but samy gave him a look because she knew he was lying. 

"will, i know you're lying. you're so easy to read," she poked at him with a tiny smile, the boy flushing in embarrassment. 

"i promise it's nothing," he said. 

"it has to be something if you keep looking like you saw a ghost," samy poked some more and will knew he couldn't keep this from her. they were being honest with one another now. 

"i just..there's this post on instagram. i guess someone saw us at the airport and took a photo and now everyone's commenting on it saying some pretty mean things," will finally explained himself, studying samy's reaction as she digested his words. 

"oh." 

will pulled his phone out so he could show her, cringing as samy began scrolling through some of the comments. she read a few of them and will kept studying her expression, yet her features stayed fairly neutral. 

"i swear, some people just really like to say anything," the girl shook her head, handing will's phone back. 

"you're not upset?" he was surprised at her calm disposition. 

"i mean, it's gross and weird they're saying that stuff, but i'm not like overly hurt by it," the brunette shrugged. 

"oh." it was will's turn to be shocked now. 

"did you think i would be more hurt by it?" samy pinched the boy's cheeks and he flushed under her touch.

"i was just scared you'd see them and i didn't want you to be hurt by them because it's just nonsense and i don't agree with any of it," will admitted a bit shyly. samy's lips tipped up into a smile as she cuddled herself closer to him. 

"you're sweet, but trust me, that stuff doesn't bother me as much anymore. i'm pretty used to it. you forget i've been compared to quinn, jack, and luke all my life. it just kind of rolls off my back," samy said exactly what hannah told him earlier. hearing it from her though made will feel a bit more relieved than last time. 

"i just bothers me that people think it's okay to say that stuff. i guess i was worried you'd like..not wanna keep doing this because everyone has something to say about my life now," the blonde frowned and so did samy. 

"i'm not gonna leave you just because i can't take hate comments. i get that this is a lot now with more eyes on you, but i can take it. don't worry. i've been doing this since i was like ten," they shared a laugh. 

will leaned his head onto her shoulder, the worry in his chest much better than it was two hours ago. "how'd i get so lucky?" he pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

"i don't know, but i'm hungry. mark and eth said they'd pay for our dinner tonight," samy jumped up, arm outstretched to grab will off the couch too. 

"oh, goody. i'll take free food," the blonde grinned, following his girlfriend back out of the apartment to meet the guys. 

[weclassygirl]

wonders

⋆˙⟡ sauron x fem!elf!reader (witch) ⟡˙⋆

summary: creation of the Rings is quite demanding, Lord of Gifts is here to ensure their completion

warnings: dream manipulation (fake deaths), not much besides that

word count: 3k

author’s note: i hope everything loads because my wifi sucks as of recent days. i've been trying to upload for over an hour now. finally we get a glimpse of reader's power so... enjoy! (previous part -> bewitched)

You wished you could drop the illusion even for a split second when you heard that he left Eregion. Galadriel found out who he was and went on to create the Rings nonetheless. In three there’s balance, she said, you wanted to disturb that balance. 

You felt them when she brought them to Lindon, felt the very life within you blossom as they worked their magic. The Elves would not leave the shores of Middle-Earth, but Eregion still didn’t know that. 

As Celebrimbor and the other smiths worked on the completion of the forge, you could do nothing but aimlessly wander the grounds, trying to connect to him. He let you, hesitantly and you found out why. Chained, dirty and wounded he laid inside the tent, waiting for the Lord-father to bargain with him again. 

You tried to break the chains, used whatever power was bestowed upon you to free him. They twitched lightly but nothing moved, not a nail that held them together, never bending under your fingers. 

You kneel next to him and place your hands on your lap. “It was worth a try.” you admit and he smiles despite being in pain. You could feel it, faintly, not as strong as it could be once you bind yourself to him.

“You should go back, you’re wasting your power on me.”

You place your hand on his cheek even if it’s a quickly forgotten feeling. “I wish to stay.” you reassure him. “The hour is late in Eregion, no one will look for me.” your chambers have been moved multiple times over the years, at first near the center, then moving further away until you could choose on your own. The edge of Ost-in-Edhil was a place of your choosing, quiet, no one to disturb you and your craft. You could be yourself within the walls.

Sauron closes his eyes to your touch but opens them as Adar walks inside the tent. You never met the Lord-father directly, only through the whispers of the Orcs but remembered the day he betrayed Sauron. 

A tear falls down Sauron’s face as Adar retells the story of how he met him. You understand him in a way, the servant of Morgoth had that effect even before he took on a new form. 

You’ve met him when he was injured, his cheek adorned by a gash that bled black, his shoulder shattered and his thigh cut through the bone. It took you some time before you healed him completely, Morgoth’s wounds always came first. When the orcs brought you to his bedside he was wide awake, waiting and holding onto his cheek. He could heal himself but why would he bother and use his power when you were at hand? 

Adar informs him that his people were set free and demands an answer to his question. What did he know of Sauron?

You saw his mind at work, he probably found the situation amusing. He smirks as he shifts on the ground to get a better look at the Lord-father.

“Sauron has returned in a new form.” the chains around his neck rattle. “I am not yet certain what shape he has taken.”

“Then of what use are you to me?” Adar asks. You lean against the stone as much as your illusion allows you to.

“I have something you don’t. The trust of the Elves… and a witch.” that piques Adar’s interest. 

“I wonder… what kind of witch would put her trust in you?” he has a faint idea that it might be you but to Adar you could be good as dead. He knew what kind of person you were, how Sauron quickly took liking to you in Forodwaith. You were no good company but if persuaded, you could prove a valuable ally. 

“Release me and I’ll go to them and seek him out, so you can marshal your legions and destroy him.”  he offers and Adar seems to consider. 

Waldreg comes closer. “Do you vow allegiance to Adar, Lord-father of the Uruks?”

Halbrand looks up at him and speaks quietly.

“Yes.”

“Then kneel.” His sight is focused on you as he does so, the disdain evident on his face as he bows before Adar. For a second it reminds you of the day he was betrayed by him. “Now swear it.” 

His head hangs low as he begins. “I vow—”

“With your head at my feet.” Adar commands and you see how he relishes in it. Soon enough both of you will once Sauron sets out to claim his army.

He takes his time putting his head to the ground, Adar watches carefully as do his children. The King of the Southlands at his mercy, thinking that he can use him as his pawn. You’ve seen the trick in his eyes, the lie and grin as he took the vow. He looks straight at you as he speaks the words and you feel a sense of power flowing through you. He means more than the words slipping from his lips. 

“I vow to serve the Lord of Mordor. To the end of my days… and his.”

His chains are let loose and slowly he rides out of the camp. Adar knows better not to trust him entirely, you observe him and he turns his head to you, you freeze. Could he…? You step closer and lift your hand up in front of his face, if you were at your full power you could snap his neck with the single movement of your hand. You have to hold yourself back.

As Halbrand leaves the camp you already wait for him at the hill and in the distance both of you hear screams - Waldreg. He grins like a child.

“Satisfied?” you ask as he halts the horse by you. 

„Very.” he responds. „I take it you will grant me entry once I arrive?” 

You shake your head. „Galadriel informed Celebrimbor to not treat with you. He doesn’t know who you are and I doubt he will allow me to make the decision.” you confess. You look back to the camp, the orcs moving around in the distance. „Use your charm, mention the Rings and he will be wrapped around your finger. Make him believe they worked wonders.” 

He nods and you disappear from his view. Back in your room you hear a knock at your door, your eyes flutter open as you notice dawn at the horizon. You go up to the door and see Mirdania at the other side, ready to walk with you to the forge as she always had in the mornings. 

The following days you wait until he comes by the gate. The new forge has been completed, everything set in place as you watch from the upper level. The anvil descended from the ceiling like the last piece of the puzzle, Celebrimbor beamed next to you as he saw his dream come true before his very eyes. 

„Fëanor would be proud.” you say to him and mean it. Creation of this forge was no mere task as well as crafting the Rings. You’d be a fool to admit otherwise.

Mirdania joins you and mentions a messenger from the Southlands, your heart skips a beat and you follow to see who it is from the balcony. He looks up at you before you fully take in his presence, disheveled, wounded and as ever prideful. 

Celebrimbor gives you one order. “Stay away from him.” but have you ever listened?

You come up to him during the day, Halbrand gets away from his horse and smiles at your arrival. 

„I tried.” you announce low enough for him to hear. He looks up to Celebrimbor standing on the balcony with a tug at his lips. 

„Give him time.” he only says and you trust his words. As simple as they are you know them to be true, Celebrimbor is but a note waiting to be plucked to the melody of his choosing. A conductor in waiting before entering the stage.

However when you return to the forge, Celebrimbor looks at you displeased as you defied his single order.

“He is not to be negotiated with.” he reminds you.

You pick up your apron from the chair and smooth it out as you think of an answer. “Forgive me, but I simply needed to make sure—” you start and sigh. “he appears to be injured.”

He is aware of how close the two of you have gotten over these few short days that he spent in Eregion. He puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “Galadriel made herself clear. I know how much you seem to care for him but he is a mortal. His life will pass you in the blink of an eye whether you like it or not.” he tells you and you wish you could break the hand he held on your shoulder. Never to create again. The time draws near and you cannot wait until you’ll finally let go of this tiring illusion.

It takes a whole day before Celebrimbor lets him in, his eyes sparkled at the mention of the Rings. Halbrand covered in rain and wounds made the Lord of Eregion pity him. He welcomed him back, fed him and reveled when hearing about the success of the Rings. You stood in the shadows of the forge, listening to their conversation, waiting when Halbrand began his act, his own illusion. 

As Celebrimbor calls out for him, the forge began to burn brighter, you cover your eyes from the light when you see him. Grey-white robes draping from him, long blond hair graced with a golden head piece. He sauntered down to face Celebrimbor, an emissary from the Valar himself.

You stayed hidden until you found it fit to reveal yourself, as ever the innocent, accidentally knocking over a hammer that was on the table. You shuffle to pick it up, unable to look them in the eye. “Forgive me, my Lord. I—”

Celebrimbor has a gentle look on his face. “No… please. Uhm…” he looks to Annatar, unable to explain. The Lord of Gifts comes closer and takes the hammer from the ground and places it in your hands. 

“I believe I should be the one asking for forgiveness.” he admits, never taking his eyes off of you. “You may have known me as Halbrand, but I had to make sure that the three of us were of the same ambition.”

“The three of us?” Celebrimbor asks confused. His expression mimicked on your face as well. 

Annatar nods. “Yes. The Valar has observed you and your smith.” he turns to you and brings up his hand to your face. So delicate as if handling porcelain. “Once swayed to darkness, now working amongst the greatest smiths in all Middle-Earth.” he explains and gestures to Celebrimbor. “And the very descendant of Fëanor, who may have bested his kin.” 

The Lord of Eregion seems to be already wrapped around his finger as a subtle blush roses on his cheeks.

“Our work can begin… with a letter.” he announces.

“A letter?” you ask. You had not expected that, you would have imagined him to ask for more Rings straight away.

He walks up the stairs and up to the open office, he picks up a quill from the desk and holds it out to Celebrimbor. “The Three Rings healed the Elves, I believe it can also heal Dwarven halls of stone.” 

Celebrimbor looks hesitant but takes the quill from his hands. You look to Annatar and he gives you a knowing smile. 

You whisper to him as the scribbling on parchment fills the room. “Rings for Dwarves?” 

“And Men, but let’s worry ourselves with the Dwarves first.” he says. “I’ll need you now, more than ever.” you couldn’t wait for his plan for Eregion. 

Durin already suspected Annatar was not to be trusted, but you made sure his loving wife would persuade him from these frivolous thoughts. As they spoke to Celebrimbor you sat by your workbench, drawing new designs for the Rings, perfecting them in any way. While your hand drew them, the other floated slightly above the paper, as if pushing away invisible speckles of dust. No one saw except for Annatar, how your power slowly made its way into Disa’s mind, planting the conviction of the success of the Rings for their people. 

As they left the forge you could still hear Disa convincing her husband to grant mithril for the Lord of Eregion. You would have to focus your magic on Prince Durin the next time they arrived, but you believed it would have been in vain as the Rings will be already granted to them and they would rejoice because they have to. The Lord of Gifts wouldn’t let it slide if they didn’t, all that work for no appreciation. 

Annatar slowly played his part, making Celebrimbor think that his ideas were his own when he began to write the letter to the High King. You returned to the forge to hear their voices, Annatar felt your presence and looked to you with pleading eyes, knowing that Celebrimbor is watching.

“What are you doing, my lord?” you ask as the Lord of Eregion picks up a quill. 

“I am congratulating the High King on the efficacy of The Three and telling him that I am closing up the forge.” he informs you as you walk up the stairs. You start to shake your head at the news, not knowing what has transpired earlier. “With a promise to join him in Lindon as soon as possible.”

Annatar notices your expression but reassures you. You feel a slight pull in your mind, the bond might be weak but started to grow ever slightly with the recent events and his proximity. 

“You would lie to your High King?” he questions Celebrimbor. The Lord of Eregion looks to you, his trusted smith that would know how important this is, that you would understand.

“I would grant us the space to complete our work.” he says. You act startled when his fists bangs on the table as he tells that he reached the height of his craft. “This… this is my moment. Now, he will not take it away.”

You give him a soft smile as Annatar circles around him. He looks to you and you leave the forge, knowing that Celebrimbor will be dead set on his work. After a few hours most of the smiths have already retired for the night, Celebrimbor left after you practically dragged him away from his table, reminding him that even the brightest minds have to rest. He let you lead him to the door as the forge became empty, the anvil covered for the night and Annatar leaning against it. 

He spoke when he knew there was no one around to eavesdrop.

“It’s been centuries since I’ve seen it properly.” he says.

The last time you used your power was to influence Morgoth to release you from his hold. The success didn’t last long as he felt you in his mind and chained you for the rest of your days in Forodwaith. 

You lift your hand up and let the magic flow around it, you could feel it tingling above your skin, whirling like a small storm as you walked up to him. It was captivating in every way, if you wanted you could make them appear like the light of the Silmarils, make the onlooker stare into its depth like Morgoth once did. 

He knew your true power lay dormant, waiting for a more suiting occasion. For now, the simple illusions and mind control would have to do to grant you some form of satisfaction. 

“Morgoth hasn’t taken everything.” you reply and let your darkened fingertips show from underneath the illusion. He takes your hand in his and places a soft kiss in the palm of it. “You truly believe he would create the Rings for Men? You’ve heard his objection before.” you voice your thoughts and he lets go of your hand. 

“That is where I need you.” you raise your eyebrow at his statement. “Let him see how demanding their creation is. Let him feel the ruin it would inflict on Middle-Earth if he never created them.”

Your mind spins with ideas but perhaps the simplest one is the best option. Annatar sees to it that it’s done when you sit down in your chambers and reach out to Celebrimbor’s mind, plaguing him with visions of Middle-Earth’s doom, with Men standing at the front lines, getting slaughtered while the races with the Rings survive. 

You make sure to leave no trail of your presence, having him face you in his dreams as arrows hit you repeatedly as you try to protect him. An Elven witch turned a respected smith, now dead while sacrificing herself to save his life for his mind filled with creations. He sees the emissary of the Valar down at his feet, covered in wounds that no mortal or immortal being would survive and the Lord of Eregion’s hand covered in blood, responsible for the fall of the Men.

He wakes up startled and you flee as quickly as possible. 

“Finished?” Annatar asks you as he sits on the edge of your bed. 

“For the night, yes.” you reply. 

“One time will not be enough.”

“I am aware, Mairon…” how he loved to hear his name slip out of your mouth. You see the look in his eyes but stop yourself, you’ve exhausted yourself for the day. “Do not fret. His days will be filled with glimpses of what could have beens.” 

And you did, even when the Rings for Dwarves have been completed, you had brought fear to his mind, when Annatar spoke to him of Rings for Men, he refused. Perhaps your visions were too frightening for him, but with the coming days, your work has only bore more fruits and Sauron knew that he had chosen an elf worthy of his vision for Middle-Earth.

next part -> control

[evita-shelby]

They didn't know we were seeds

Chapter 5

Cw: attempted murder, underage drinking, vomit, trauma, grief, choking(not the sexy kind), suicidal thoughts, mentions of teen pregnancy and homophobia

@justrainandcoffee @emotionalcadaver @call-sign-shark @peakyswritings

He hates her.

He is sick and tired of seeing her everywhere that now he knows how the family of the tributes he killed personally feel about him.

Jack takes refuge in his grandparents’ home up north to avoid it all and buries himself in work. He is good at everything, his mother had him genetically engineered to be the best and got a second boy free of charge.

He and Laurie were going to build their own cabin, marry two girls who would be as close as sisters and live here and their matching houses at the Victor’s Village raising children who would win their games like they did.

But all those dreams died with Laurie. Laurie, who got his head turned by any pretty girl in his path.

Laurie, who didn’t even care that he had his girlfriend, Carrie, with his daughter waiting for him at home. Laurie, who forgot his sense the moment he saw the girl from 10.

Eva Smith, the prettiest poison you’ll ever meet. She was pretty, and knowing she had lost her entire family made you feel the need to protect her, but that had all been a trap.

She had been reserved, sweet and friendly, but guarded. He had met her briefly when he went down to the training center and teased Laurie about his staring.

He should’ve done more to stop his crush on the girl from ever getting that far. He should’ve reminded him he had Carrie and Gina at home waiting for him, reminded him what Juno did to him the moment their alliance fell apart.

But he hadn’t and his brother was dead.

Dead because of her! He yells as he takes the hatchet to the television set his granddad had. He’ll replace it when he goes to town later, it was obligatory for everyone to have a television in Panem.

“You look exactly like him.” a voice he knows too well and reeks of his twin’s funeral roses says as he watches Jack’s violent tendencies play out without any fear for himself.

“That’s what the identical part of identical twins means, sir.” Jack doesn’t care enough to be polite to him even if he was the President of Panem.

“I didn’t mean your late brother, Mr. Nelson.” the old man said, drinking his tea from granny’s fine china Jack’s bride will inherit one day as an insult meant for Jack’s mother, who married a woman last year. “You have an uncanny resemblance to your father at your age. No wonder your mother insisted on naming you after him.”

“Thank you, sir.” They had the same surname, his mother, Atia, felt it destiny when she learned her budget included the sperm of long dead victors. She had become a celebrity overnight when she bought the honor of mothering Iacobus’ only children.

And this past July she had almost become the first woman in history to have her only children be victors.

“Your brother should have won, would have too if the Gamemakers hadn’t chosen to save Miss. Smith instead of him.” President Snow says as if he too was powerless to stop the girl from winning. “I am sorry for your loss, Jack.”

He never uses a person’s first name, always their last unless it is a person close to him. The use of Jack instead of the pretentious first name his mother gave him strikes the young man as almost touching. As if he meant it.

Then he remembers that his mother’s elder cousin, Sejanus, was like a brother to him which led to Great Uncle Strabo making him his heir over Jack’s the unborn mother and her dead older brothers here in District 2. Perhaps it was this distant claim to kinship that brought him here.

“What are you sorry for, sir, it wasn’t you who killed him.” Jack sat at the arm chair that is already too small for him. He’d had his last growth spurt recently and wept like a kid because Laurie wasn’t here anymore.

“You are right, I was not, and while vengeance won’t bring him back it will give you the closure you need.” Snow’s words make no sense. There is no way he could avenge his brother.

Smith was a victor like him, protected from laws and arenas. He can’t just walk into 10 and kill her because not only travel between districts is forbidden unless you are a government official or a peacekeeper, he can’t even have a weapon on him without being arrested for treason.

“She will be here for her Victory Tour, just as you visited her district for it. I can arrange for a delay to cause her to stay the night at the Mayor’s House where you may do with her whatever you feel will alleviate your grief. No charges, you are…family, after all.”

Had they wanted, they could’ve saved Laurie instead of her.

A miraculous recovery, they say as if she didn’t know that they let Laurie die so she could be the winner.

She hates them all, everyone. The doctors, the districts for rebelling and damning them to this fucked up circus, her mentor, her escort and most of all, Tigris and the Capitol.

Her dress was black, like the sort of dress a princess would wear with a tight bodice and a ballgown skirt with a train like a bride. Black stitched beautifully with real white roses and three buttons like the ones on Dustin’s shirt and cufflinks at the interview.

They meant something to her stylist. Something only President Snow seemed to know the meaning of by the way he narrowed his eyes when he saw the details up close as he crowned her.

Was this related to that victor Tigris had mentioned? Something tells Eva it is.

She is still in the arena, only it’s no longer the one she survived this past week. This time the arena is her life.

Laurie’s brother was right to say the games never end, you just get thrown into a different arena.

He hates her, his eyes are so full of loathing as he watches with all the other mentors. Jack had come to mentor his twin, his other half and be here to celebrate his victory with him.

Only she killed him and the ghost of Laurie will haunt her forever even if she never sees Iacobus Nelson ever again.

No wonder the victors from her district choose to lose themselves to whatever numbs their pain. How can you live after all this and then see children die every year while you helplessly watch?

It is August when she returns to her new home. The house she is given is too big for her and the money and rewards she is given ate undeserved.

And yet she has to accept them because the games cannot end without a victor.

Her aunt lives with her to keep her from turning into another Abilene or worse, into Peter, the victor who killed himself thirty-six years ago. She manages her things and helps her with her ‘talents’ knowing they keep her busy enough to pretend everything is fine.

She’s taken up dancing, gardening, horse riding, animal husbandry, and even apprenticed herself to an apothecary and a Peacekeeper Medic who finished what her grandmother and mother started. By the time the Victory Tour comes around, Eva is almost fine and a jack of all trades.

That is until she is dressed up and put on a train to be paraded around the districts of the kids who died in the arena, some by her own hand and others because of her.

12 has her retching after her meaningless speech and its only living victor, Haymitch Abernathy, introduces her to liquor out of pity.

She’s never drank more than a shot of aguardiente her cousins had snuck out for her at her return party at home and she still feels drunk when she is propped up at every district after until she arrives at 2 and sees him.

Eva has to remind herself it’s not Laurie’s ghost. Just his identical twin brother who would gladly rip out her throat with his teeth than kiss it as Laurie once did.

She drinks herself to make herself forget he is there sitting across from her at every feast after. The moment she slips out of Clemens and her guards in her velvet black dress ---Tigris makes her look like she is in mourning for all of them and even wears black in solidarity--- and finds herself hurling her dinner at a balcony overlooking the town in her room.

Great behavior she’s had this tour. Drunk out of her senses and now vomiting into the pristine balcony at the Mayor’s house.

They will cover it up, like they did with her tripping over the steps at 6 and her hysterical sobbing when she saw Basil’s little sisters in 11.

“I wouldn’t think of jumping if I were you.” He says from behind her. Skin cold to the touch as he puts his hand on her back, as if he was unsure of shoving her to her death or in comfort.

“Laurie?” she asks turning around and mistaking his brother for the ghost she sees everywhere.

She doesn’t see his twin in the shiny slate gray suit, but the boy in the arena with her.

“They should’ve saved you. They should’ve let me die instead of you! I’m sorry I killed you, I should’ve killed myself if I had known they wouldn’t save you.” Eva sobs as she clutches the torso of the ghost of the boy she killed, of the boy who loved her. “It should’ve been me who died in that arena.”

“On that we can agree on, Evie.” The way he says her name is so unlike the boy she knew.

“You should’ve let Basil kill me, you should’ve taken the win there and they wouldn’t have made me kill you.” She agrees with him as he pried her off him like he hated her when she tried to kiss him like that last kiss in the arena.

“No one made you kill me, you killed me.” The ghost barks out a bitter and angry laugh.

“I’m sorry, Laurie.” Eva weeps and apologizes over and over as she does in her nightmares. “I’m sorry I killed you. I loved you, even if we never said it, I know you knew it too.”

In her desperation to make the ghost stay she throws herself at him before he leaves again and in his anger the ghost takes her by her throat and slams her to a wall beside the balcony.

“How can you fucking say that about him?!” the ghost screams and dissipates leaving not Laurie, but his twin brother in his place. “How can you say you loved him when you used him and murdered him like that?”

“Because!” That is all she can articulate as his hold grows tighter on her throat. “I. Had. No. Choice!”

Because we have to, because the Capitol demands it as the price for peace.

But what would a boy who lived in the Capitol’s most loyal district understand when he chose to go into that arena for fucking glory.

If he and Laurie hadn’t been so desperate for that bloody glory, she wouldn’t have ever killed Laurie.

Jack lets go and slams his fist into the wall instead. He is just as fucked up as she is, as every victor is after they are damned to live with their sins.

“Unlike you, I had no choice.” Eva has never felt more sober this month as she does now. The adrenaline of nearly dying at Jack’s hands had snapped her out of it even if the pain at her throat hurt like a bitch. “I didn’t even want to win, but the fucking Gamemakers brought me back because they needed a victor and Snow wanted to punish me for that.”

He believes some, but not all of she said.

It’s enough to stop this ludicrous notion he can just kill her to avenge Laurie. He only needed to ask her, and she’d be flying out the balcony by her own accord, and they’ll cover it up like they did with the deaths in her district from starvation and the excessive force used by the Peacekeepers.

“I’m sorry, believe me, I never wanted to hurt you or anyone like this. You should’ve just pushed me instead of letting me think you were Laurie.”

Somehow, her nightmares about Laurie stop after that, and she forbids herself from drinking ever again. It helps that Tigris was fired on the excuse that her modifications terrify people and not because Eva requested it in private to the president at her feast in the Capitol.

Eva doesn’t see Jack for the next five years. Since 2 has no shortage of Victors, there is no need for him to mentor Enobaria and the nine others who volunteered for their games.

Eva, meanwhile, has seen all 10 of her tributes die horrifically and is about to see these two new ones die as well when she meets his gaze at the opening ceremonies.

He still hates her. She can see it in his eyes, but he gives her a small sad smile when he thinks no one is looking.

Perhaps that confrontation years ago was all both needed to find closure.

[motelsnleatherseats]

Work Buddies

First impressions weren’t always the most important. At least that’s what Sam had told himself after a first awkward encounter with Dean Smith in the elevator. Sam couldn’t help himself, though. Everything about the other man seemed oddly… familiar. In those brief moments they shared the space of the small metal box, pulling their weight up to different floors, Sam could have sworn that the air was thick with… well, something. Familiarity? Tension of some sort? There was a definite connection between the two of them, and even if Dean had immediately assumed it was some lackluster attempt at a come-on and even made sure the taller male couldn’t take an inch of the encounter, Sam knew there was something about him.

Their ghostly team-up just solidified that strong connection between them, and while Sam was gung-ho about up and leaving the corporate world, Dean was a little more difficult to persuade. It just seemed so out of the ordinary. Not to say that ghosts were anything he’d consider normal (even with the dreams about monsters and ghosts and things that go bump in the night), but the sudden interest and desire for more between the two of them was overwhelming. 

The rejection of running off together should have been expected, because even after the realization that things of the supernatural variety actually existed, who leaves their entire world behind to run right into the fire with a stranger? Sam accepted it, but after the entire ordeal when Dean had attempted to distance himself, he couldn’t help but feel there was something deeper. Sure, he was wanting to get his life back on track the way he had planned it, back to his normal schedule of repetition and familiarity, but the cold shoulder drove Sam crazy.

He dwelled on it for days afterward, wondering why Dean’s refusal to even look at him was causing knots in his stomach. It reminded him of school yard crushes, when receiving back the note asking ‘do you like me’ was check marked with a no.  

Sam had attempted to distract himself by putting forth extra effort into his work, but even just knowing that Dean Smith was in the building and knowing what time exactly he’d take his break for lunch and head downstairs for a brisk walk was really just immensely tempting to ‘accidentally’ cross paths with him. He realized the heavy sensation that weighed down his shoulders was pining. 

Sam had a type, but it was usually in the form of a pretty girl with mischief in her smile and a promise of good old fashioned trouble in her eyes, not some straight-laced corporate magnate who wore suspenders and sock-garters and drank diet-fad cleanses. 

He tried his best not to obsess over that he couldn’t stop thinking about Dean Smith, but he had managed to catch him in the elevator in the early hours of the morning. He avoided eye contact and even tucked in a bit on himself to appear shorter, wanting to seem as non-threatening as possible around the older male, but there was a lurch in his stomach that made it feel necessary to do something.

He cleared his throat.

“I hear Callaway is coming out with a new sand wedge.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. Reviews say it’s better than their last.”

“Good to know.”

Smooth. Six words Dean had spoken to him, and none of them were, ‘ You were right, let’s go hunt .’ He watched with trepidation as Dean shifted to leave the elevator once the bell dinged and the doors opened before he surged forward and extended an arm across the distance to keep him from leaving. Dean turned his head slowly to look at him, those emerald green eyes a bit taken aback and questioning.

“Listen, man. I’m sorry if I freaked you out about the whole ghost hunting thing, really, I am. I know it probably felt like it came outta left field, and it was probably just the adrenaline of the whole thing–”

“Can we not do this here?” Dean asked with rigid shoulders. He looked uncomfortable.

“Where are we supposed to do this? You’re flat out ignoring me, you won’t even make eye contact,” Sam replied aggrieved, his eyebrows pulling together subtly.

“Come on, man,” Dean sighed as his shoulders dropped. “It’s weird, alright? All this tension, it’s freaking me out.”

“Okay, so you feel it too,” Sam replied with a tinge of hope in his voice.

Dean shot him a look before more suits had walked up to the elevator. He pushed past Sam’s outstretched arm and stepped out.

“My office. Come on.”

Sam flashed the other men heading into the elevator an awkward smile, quick to follow on Dean’s heels as they made their way down the hall and to his office, closing the door behind him before he watched Dean drop his case onto his chair and scrub a hand over his face. Sam stood there like he was waiting for some command, like a puppy being told to stay but eager for the pay off.

Dean moved to the front of his desk after he shrugged off his suit coat, sitting on the edge of it as he finally let his gaze land on Sam.

“Alright. Look,” he spoke, and Sam could see he was mentally preparing himself to deliver some kind of let down. “The ghost thing was weird. And you having dreams about it? And me? Even weirder.”

“I know, trust me, I know. And like I was trying to say earlier, I know I came on pretty strong after the whole thing, and maybe ghost hunting was a big leap, but c’mon, you gotta admit that you and I are supposed to be doing something,” Sam implored.

“Something like what?” Dean asked, mildly baffled. “I can’t just uproot my entire life because eighty-sixing some ghost with you felt good.”

“I’m not saying that, I mean I know I said that at first, but it doesn’t have to be that big. It’s like you said, just.. doing things with you feels good,” Sam replied, his weight on the balls of his feet. Dean brought his hand up again to wipe at the corners of his mouth, giving the taller male a hard look.

“So what then?”

“Well maybe just, you know, stop acting like I don’t exist? Talk to me sometimes?” Sam suggested, giving a little shrug of his shoulders.

“About what, Sam? Marketing? Numbers? I don’t really think we have that much in common outside of Casper, the not so friendly ghost.” 

Sam gave him a lame look, shifting now to sit in the chair that was across from his desk. He put his elbows to his knees and wrung his hands lightly between them.

“I just have this feeling that we have a lot more in common than we probably think.”

“So what, you just wanna go be chums, grab a beer and shoot the shit?” Dean asked, sitting up a little bit straighter as he let his gaze shift down with Sam at a lower vantage point.

“Why not?”

Good question. Dean seemed a little stumped when he didn’t have an immediate rebuttal, and Sam could see the shift in expression as he considered it.

“So.. you wanna go grab a beer?”

“Doesn’t have to be a beer. It could be, I dunno, a skinny margarita or something,” Sam quipped with his lips pulling up at the corner of his mouth. Dean shot him a look.

“Ha ha. Very funny,” he replied before he licked his lips and Sam watched his tongue roll back into his mouth. “Alright, fine. Meet me in the lobby after work.”

And Sam did, butterflies in his stomach up until Dean walked off the elevator and they drove off together in Dean’s Prius.

↳ can be found on ao3 here. kudos and comments appreciated!

[iamveronica]

Ok now to continue our previous conversation. It's so interesting how his possessive and part condescending attitude towards Johnny turned into paranoid delusions of persecution which can be seen in songs like "Speedway" and the open letter. Either way the obsession persists (even though the possessiveness can still be felt in the autobiography). I find it funny how Moz always tries to be indifferent or nonchalant when talking about Johnny or the Smiths but if there is one thing Moz can never succeed at is stoicism. He can easily turn into Heathcliff when Johnny becomes the topic. If they ever film a biopic of the Smiths they should play Ferry's cover of Jealous Guy while covering the collab. I wonder if Ferry's connection to pro-hunting activists also flamed Moz's jealousy and antagonism. As for Bowie, I do think they ended up on good terms, however I do find Morrissey's irritability with him so hilarious, especially as Bowie seemed to really like him. I honestly am not sure if Bowie really tried to collaborate with Johnny. While Morrissey might have disliked him, Johnny LOVES Bowie (which might be a reason for Morrissey's distate of him...). He mentions him in so many interviews and such, if he did try to collaborate with Johnny, I feel Johnny would never stop talking about it (or if true those mentions could be due to regret of refusing him and he wants to make up for that). Nevertheless I wonder if Moz dreamed up that proposition in a insecure jealous rage.

we're back on ❤️

Speedway is INCREEEEDIBLE the things it does to me. it is such a menacing, threatening, bone-chilling song of lifelong love and loyalty, is it not? and you won't smile / until my loving mouth / is shut good and proper / forever

he has no trust and no faith in the other person (in the popular interpretation being Johnny) reciprocating his feelings, that they won't sell him out or use him for a cheap laugh but this here is his reminder of their unspoken connection or shared secret and his promise to take it to the grave but my god, is it explicit

i don't think his paranoia and persecution complex are utterly baseless. both still persist to this day (his Jan 6, 2023 post on Central - "The campaign to destroy my career was originally led by four male individuals in Britain… - and they have full unedited access to the Legacy Media. … They want some form of Wikipedia mention as well as a future personal Index reference in 'Who Killed Morrissey?'"). UK press has long had a vested interest in taking him down, and with Moz being such a polarizing person they've had an easy job of selling papers then and getting hits now by tearing him a new one, especially if these outlets can get a soundbite of Saint Johnny "denouncing" his most prominent and infamous former partner. at which point, the pot had boiled over and Moz had to come out and say "for the love of god, shut up". i could have mentioned your name / i could have dragged you in in Speedway and I have not ever attacked your solo work or your solo life in the open letter

so the transition of his possessiveness when he had Johnny into paranoid delusions of persecution as you so well put it seems almost predictable. he no longer had Johnny in his corner, and i think he truly saw that at the trial and just never got over it

LMAO strangely enough, i thought Moz did a better job of cutting the Smiths umbilical cord and giving the appearance of moving on in the autobio. but he was almost obnoxious about and i had to wonder if he was trying to convince himself or the reader

I smile at the thought of a Smiths reunion, for I’ve got everything now.

as the iloveYouiloveYouiloveYou audience rushes the stage … Smiths re-formation? What for?

it's like, i wasn't thinking of the Smiths or their reformation here, Moz, but you clearly were

Johnny was so funny though. whenever i thought, oh this'll probably be the last time he mentions him, he kept dragging Moz back up. oh you met up in a bar, oh you were sippin on OJ and he beer, oh you two hugged, that's all cute. Our communication ended, and things went back to how they were and how I expect they always will be. and just as you think, this is it, he goes on to describe his email communication with Moz. [A]lthough I felt I'd created a moment of friendship on some level I felt an air of dissatisfaction and distrust remained between us. It was a shame. and when just a few pages ago, he felt resigned to this fact, he openly regrets the way things are between the two of them here

Moz actually talks about being somewhat of a fan of Roxy Music in 1972 but he cools off on Ferry in the next couple of years, even before the Smiths are a twinkle in his and Johnny's eyes so i think he inevitably was an unwelcome intrusion in Moz's Smithsdom

The song is madcap in construction, and singer Bryan Ferry is an honored northern guest – escapist but shy, a slither of glamor rippling like the sea. Roxy Music are resolutely odd, and Agatha Christie queer; the smile of Ferry is Hiroshima mean, as he shuffles crab-style from stage right to stage left … like someone who’s had his food dish removed. It’s a voice of cold metal, just barely skin deep. I eagerly catch his first Radio One interview wherein he falls asleep at the drone of his own replies.. ... The technical detachment of Roxy Music is, briefly and possibly accidentally, a radical experience, one that they swiftly dispense with once they establish a large audience. But before they lose their strangeness they are magnificent, and the drabness of true artifice comes alive.

…

‘Morrissey, you were absent last week – where were you?’ asks Mr Barry.

‘I went to Preston to see Roxy Music,’ I explain in perfectly level tone.

‘Oooooooooh, no you don’t!’ booms Mr Barry, full of civic bureaucracy and clan-in-the-right. This recalcitrant malaise! Punish the boy! Punish! Punish! Punish! The price you pay for the quest of art. But Roxy Music will drop quickly from the emotional radar soon, as singer Bryan Ferry announces that his favorite food is veal – second only to foie gras in savage cruelty.

oh lol i don't think Bowie and Johnny ever really crossed paths but it's definitely a thing Moz could hold over Johnny's head if they were in some sort of unspoken competition post-Smiths. but i wonder if Moz's insecurity in the face of Bowie's star power and showmanship ("David Showie" good one, Moz) wasn't what made him walk or if he felt too good to be playing second-fiddle to the 90s Bowie. ah Mozzie's interpersonal relationships will always remain shrouded in mystery but i think other people like him more than he likes them or they like him more than he is willing to give them credit for

[MARCH 1 EDIT] i was debating whether to wait to be corrected or to set the facts straight myself with regard to Johnny and Bowie... because i spied this in Moz's autobiography only the other day! but HERE GOES

David Bowie, who feeds on the blood of living mammals, rises like Christopher Lee to present a bouquet of flowers to Johnny. But Johnny is not taken in. If I had felt that the Smiths’ demise had left me on the scaffold, then Johnny surely felt the same. He quickly joins the Pretenders, and he just as quickly is ‘asked to leave’. Chrissie Hynde explains to me that Johnny’s perpetual lateness made progress impossible.

the Pretenders part isn't particularly relevant except it's just Moz being needlessly snarky and gossipy, and that's always fun. the period in their lives when all this was happening can also be easily gleaned from here. but omg did Moz HAVE to make it sound like an unsuccessful courtship and like Johnny spurned Bowie? the same Johnny who giddily recounted jamming with Paul McCartney but breathed not a word of this? did this really happen? who were Morrissey's sources

obviously, these are hardly facts. these are Morrissey's words, and a jealous Morrissey at that. the less than flattering description of Bowie as a bloodsucking boogeyman towering over his ex-partner and readying to sap Johnny of his vitality paints such a fantastic picture. Moz, what a guy

[chronicles-of-kats-dnd-game]

Lost Mine & Abyss Session 14 - Wave Echo Awaits

-Seeing the party's weakened state and the still-unconscious dwarf, the druid suggests they take a small detour to Phandalin to rest and gather supplies before the Cave.

-On the cart ride, Dakwert carefully inspects the orc's gem, it glowing in his hand and seeming to faintly call to him. He hands it to the cleric to examine, its energy immediately stopping at his touch. Weird. He hands it back off to the gnome.

-The gnome warlock meditates as the cart ride calms, sand swirling around him as the necklace reappears in his hands- as Dakwert then vanishes from sight, reappearing inside the necklace to his patron. The dao is very disappointed to have his necklace given away- but says he can't stay mad at all this treasure brought here for him! Dakwert convinces him that this all belongs to his friends, only stored temporarily. The patron asks him to put in a good word for him so that the gold -can- be his, and peaces out.

-Dakwert reawakens, tired and surrounded by sand. The furious roar of the bugbear king sounds in the distance. Dakwert quickly takes everyone's gear OUT of the necklace, except for Sen's banshee hoard. Sand is mixed in with everything, and Vierna's magical sword no longer glows.

-The Wood opens up to Phandalin, the druid dropping them off and taking his temporary leave back to Thundertree to continue his ritual. Sid suggests they take Gundren to the Shrine of Luck, and that he needs to head to the blacksmith's forge after.

-They are excitedly greeted by Sheara at the shrine asking them how their days have been, projecting in from Waterdeep after her promotion to the temple there. Gundren is laid on a stone slab for Sister Garaele to heal, the dwarf awaking relieved to finally be free.

-Gundren pleads for them to go to the nearest inn, claiming that's what will heal him, that he will tell them the plan over drinks. They enter the Stonehill Inn to Sid and Dakwert being welcomed as heroes- and one woman waving them over to sit with her.

-The woman tells them they've heard so much about them, asking them about their skills as she brings drinks for them. She introduces herself as Halia Thornton, pushing a coin with the winged snake symbol of the Zhentarim towards them, and asks them if they would be interested in working for her. Sid goes quiet in recognition, and wakes their employer from his drink, saying they have a job- who promptly passes out again. Halia continues to pressure them on what they are doing, then asks all their names- seeming to recognize Sid. She thanks them, and leaves them to their drinks.

-Sid, knowing of the Zhentarim from his father who was in it, pressures them all to wrap up and get out of here, leading them to the blacksmith's shop. The dragonborn asks him if they could use his forge, to which he happily welcomes in the heroes of Phandalin.

-The smith asks Vierna about her mechanical arm, admiring the craftsmanship. She tells him it was forged by duergar and perfected by a Waterdeep blacksmith, the smith telling her he'd always looked up to the smith there. Vierna tells him that he's great but he... doesn't work in Waterdeep anymore (wonder why that could be). He is disappointed, but dreams of moving in and taking that spot himself.

-The party walks over to the side to talk, Gundren unfurling the blank map by the light of the forge. He tells them he and his two brothers enchanted this map together, so three need to all touch the map. He tells two other dwarvish-speakers to touch the map with them, and for them all to repeat the dwarvish phrase "Let Dumathoin guide us to glory." As they speak it, ink flows across the map as the location of the cave and it's layout are revealed- and disappears again as he takes his hand off. He promises them again that they will receive riches after leading him to it. Sid warns Gundren that the Zhentarim may be following them there, that they should go quickly.

-"So, we have the drow after us, goblins after us, now the ZHENTARIM after us, what else have we got chasing us?" *everyone slowly looks to Sen*.

-Gundren tells them the cave ahead is dangerous, that they will want to gather any supplies they need now. Dakwert and Creak are sent out shopping to the now-upgraded Barthen's Provisions, returning with three Potions of Healing. Vierna and Sen attempt to purchase weapons, but find nothing special. Sid starts to work at the forge, crafting daggers out of grick talons, adding jewels to Sen's bow, and finally finishing his new dragonscale-studded plate armor.

-Sen questions Creak on her motivations, as the goblin seems increasingly suspicious. She says that all she needs to do is get the Black Spider- and then she'll have everything she wants. Sen asks who she's working for, the goblin answering that she works for her family. She tells them they don't have to worry- she's not here for their treasure, just for the Black Spider.

-The party takes their long rest and carefully leaves the blacksmith, warning him on their way out that he may want to leave town, telling him about Halia. He says he just might follow that dream of setting up shop in Waterdeep. The party carefully makes their way to the edge of town, rejoining Reidoth on the cart as he begins to speed them away towards the Sword Mountains.

-Talking to Creak, the party begins to notice things that don't add up. She claims an age impossible for goblins, then seems to not know much about goblins or herself- and in suspicion, Sid casts Zone of Truth upon the cart as the party questions her more. Sen asks her what she is, her answering that she's just Creak, that they just see a little goblin girl. She tells them she can't reveal her mission, but that she is not a danger to them.

-Sen asks her what it was that he felt in the castle. She says it was simply her being herself. Frustrated, she drops the high pitched voice and tells the party she doesn't need to keep this up much longer anyway- and suddenly the form of the goblin disappears- and in her place instead is a dark elf woman, introducing herself as Virith Mizzrym. Dakwert laments the loss of a fellow kickable creature. She tells him she has gained a new perspective with her time, and will think twice about kicking gnomes in the future. She tells them they have all been an entertaining experience, but she has business to get to- in Wave Echo Cave. Additionally, "Valark is my brother, he is a twink ass bitch" so while he is gone she suggests they take care of business.

-Sen asks her how she handled being small for that long, the drow responding that it was horrendous, to the gnome's sadness.

-With this revelation as the cart continues forward (to the confusion but ultimately uncaring of the druid), the session concludes!

[xx-j4nu5-c4t5-xx]

Alright so based on responses to this I'm seeing some patterns in the categories derogatory terms seem to come in

Mocking physical appearance (buggers, greenskins, lettuce skin, etc)

Mocking language or culture (bleep bloops, gleeble glorps, gnarp gnarps)

Stereotypes (ass prober)

Generalizations (martian rejects)

Implied inferiority (space vermin, freakazoids)

I'd imagine the general attitude toward aliens is of fear or distrust. Unless you've got a loved one that was abducted or something, I don't feel like you'd really have a reason to be pissed at them. I think the vibe is more, "I don't know how you work/what you're up to/what you are," which may be followed up with, "and I don't want to know". Overall, it's not really prejudice born of any conflict or specific event, it's just a kind of uneasy feeling; a fear of the unknown and a cultural disconnect that creates a chasm between these two groups.

In particular, I feel like Buzz Grunt's biggest hang-up might be envy, of all things. I imagine he'd feel a sort of bitterness that this weird ass green guy that showed up one day is doing great. He's got kids that love him, he's got a wonderful wife, a cushy retirement, and a perfect little white picket fence suburban dream house. He's always friendly, loved by his community, and overall seems content with the life he's made for himself.

It probably pisses Buzz off to no end that PT9 is happy and he's not. He's watching a guy who he sees as a threat, as someone who doesn't belong here, someone who's below him, have a better life than he does. Why does that alien bastard get to have it so good? Why does he get to have the American dream that Buzz has worked his ass off for and has never tasted? Buzz is the one that deserves that ideal nuclear family, not some weirdo that just crash landed here a couple decades back. He should be the one who goes to sleep next to a loving wife, and wakes up to a couple of bright eyed, happy kids. But he doesn't. And Pol. Tech 9 does. It drives him fucking crazy.

He's terrified when his kids interact with the Smiths. He spent years conditioning them to find them off-putting or weird. Why? Because he's scared that they'll realize how good those aliens have got it. He's haunted by the idea of his boys just giving up on him. Finding him inferior. Getting a taste of what a wholesome family is supposed to be like, and never wanting to come back to him. But instead of using this fear to motivate himself to be a better father, he blames it all on the aliens. He's given up on himself. He doesn't feel like he can be better, but he can try his damnedest to drag the Smiths down with him. He's not losing everything he has left, and if the only way to ensure that they'll stay with him is by making the world outside seem worse, then so be it.

If there's one thing the Grunts can't tolerate, it's failure. And Buzz Grunt is not going to be made a failure by some green son of a bitch in a Hawaiian shirt.

for. no particular reason. what do you think would be offensive to aliens? Specifically for the Sims universe but also in general? I know damn well if extraterrestrial life contacted humans the first someone would do is invent a slur for them or something

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[chloe-writes]

Reader was dating Erwin since they were cadets, but now they are adults and Erwin grows in popularity reader feels insecure and tries to leave him cusing him to cry at the spot. (P. S. You're really good at fluff)

I Love You, Idiot.

[ Erwin x Fem!Reader ]

[ Angst/Fluff - Canonverse ]

Summary: Erwin chased for his dreams, whenever he looked back, she was always there, cheering on from the sidelines. But sometimes that was all (Y/N) was, an insignificant person who blended in with the crowd.

Content Warning: dancing Nanaba, guitarist Miche

Word Count: 1.6k

Let me tell you something: when you fall in love, time stops. Everything is in slow motion. It's like you're in a dream you don't ever want to wake up from. But what people don't realize is that when you fall out of love, time moves extra fast to catch up.

And that's all it feels like lately.

Love is sweet when it's new, but sweeter when it's true. You remembered being back in the cadet corps, sitting next to the warm campfire. It was the early stages of your relationship. Resting your head on his shoulders, you planned the next 60 years of life together.

But here you are, a little over a decade later, thinking if he has fallen out of love with you.

Erwin Smith, what happened to us?

Sure, the both of you were technically still in a relationship, but that doesn't mean you're still lovers. What significance does a relationship hold when there's no spare time to reciprocate—that is, if it still exists between you two—love?

Through the years, you were always by his side. Supporting him in all of his endeavors ever since you were young awkward teens. But over time, the blond grew in popularity and rose above the military ranks, leaving you behind.

When the Survey Corps came back from expeditions, he wouldn't check up on you like he used to. You could only wonder how long it would take him to discover your death if your luck with the titans did run out. Romantic dinner nights weren't a thing anymore. He stopped offering you to sleep in his room. Hell, these days, never had you heard him tell you he loved you. You felt taken for granted.

You traveled far in life to search for a purpose, thinking you finally found it in him. But somewhere along the journey, you realized perhaps you were always meant to be lost.

The voice of women chattering and giggling echoed through the halls of the Survey Corps headquarters, ripping you away from your thoughts and catching your attention. You were about to ignore them but what caught your interest to eavesdrop was the topic of their conversation.

"C'mon, tell me, no one's here."

"Alright alright, hold your horses. Commander Smith went to the underground, along with the Zacharias guy."

"Oh, that captain who sniffs recruits? I've always found him sexy."

"Yeah, well rumors say the last expedition burned them out, so they went looking for a good fuck in the brothels down there."

"Too bad, they should have come to me instead, I would gladly give them my services for free."

"You witty slut. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want them to do me too."

You felt a stab of anger, a slow uncoiling of anger. That punched you hard in the face. At this point, you just wanted to slap your pathetic excuse for a partner and break up with him. You felt hysterical. You felt wild with rage. You felt the need to forget all about him.

Moreover, you felt hurt.

Damn it.

As ridiculous as it sounded, you loved the man. You loved him will all your heart. How could you easily forget someone who gave you so much to remember?

After calming down, only then did your rational side risen. Deciding it was better to confront him like an adult than to murder him on the spot, you waited for the blond to arrive from the pits of the Underground.

Day dawned crisp and clear as night covered the sky. Finally, the sound of horses made its way to your ears, signaling you that the Smith has returned. You quickly headed for the commander’s office, sitting down on his desk, waiting for him to arrive.

The door opened, a disheveled looking Erwin entered his office, surprised to see you slumped on his desk.

“It’s late, where have you been?” The tone in your voice resembled to that of a mother scolding her child.

“I was in the underground for military business.”

“Business? And what business would that be? Let me guess: fucking around with whores? Hmm?” The word ‘fucking’ came out louder and harsher than you intended. Nonetheless, it gave extra emphasis to the word.

His eyes shined with a hint of irritation, he was tired and you were definitely getting on his nerves. “Then ask my squad yourself, we recruited some thugs, considering the last expedition did an impact to the population of our soldiers.”

The man before you held his head high, thinking he was vindicated, as he explained what his business truly was in the underground.

“Oh no no, do not give me that look. Perhaps you would have been free from suspicion if you had told me in the first place. But that’s the issue, there is no communication between us!”

“You want communication? Fine, then tell me how your day was.” He was so nonchalant, it irritated you more than his half-assed replies.

“Nothing, nothing else apart from hearing the wide-spread rumors about you paying for a 'good fuck’.”

“I told you, I did not cheat on you.”

“And I told you, maybe if you’ve been transparent with me, I wouldn’t be mad to begin with.”

“So, you’re meaning to say you’d rather believe baseless rumors from people you don’t know over your own lover of ten years? Am I correct?”

"But have you even been acting like a lover? You’re not as sweet as you used to be. You refuse to talk to me. Heck, you don’t even look for me when we’re back from an expedition.” Your tears were welling up at that point.

You didn’t even think about the words that came out of your mouth before uttering them. “I want the old Erwin back.”

“You’re being irrational.”

"Maybe I am. Wanna know why? Because I don't want to lose you! Are you fucking dense to understand that?!" You continued, voice creaking like the hinges of a rusty iron gate.

"But sometimes, my fear of loving you is much greater than my fear of losing you. Loving you is scary, Erwin, especially when I don't know if you love me back."

A wave of violent sadness rose inside him. Salty tear drops slowly rolled down his cheeks, as his knees grew weaker and fell to the wooden floor. Is the Erwin Smith crying?

That’s when you remembered, despite being the man of steel everyone knows him to be, he was also just a man, a human wanting to be tenderly loved.

Throughout the ten years that you dated him, Erwin was always composed. He always had a reply to counter any argument thrown at him. But now he was kneeling before you, hushed sobs escaping his lips, thoroughly speechless.

“I’m sorry, but this isn’t working out. Goodbye.” Upon whispering your final words to him, you left his office.

The broken-hearted man didn’t move a muscle. He just sat on the floor god knows how long. There was still a sense of shock in him, dumbstruck by your harsh but truthful words. How could he have been so blind and foolish? He chased for his dreams. Whenever he looked back, you were always there.

But he wasn’t always there for you.

In complete honesty, the past ten years of your relationship was like a blur to him. He doesn’t remember falling in love, but all he knows is that it was agonizing to let you go. His heart doesn't want to lose you. Not now, not ever.

You endured a painfully long night of endless weeping. When the morning eventually came, your eyes were heavy and swollen. Your desire to spend the entirety of the day in bed was tremendously tempting, but you knew better than to slack off and skip training.

Exiting your personal quarters, you noticed the halls were oddly quiet. Typically, at this time you’d see cadets racing to the mess hall to gulp their breakfasts down. However, the weirdly empty hallway was the least of your worries right now, especially when you were suffering from a torturous heartache.

The moment you entered the dining facility, all eyes were on you. Why were they staring? Was it because of your swollen eyes? And there he was, the man you loved with every fiber of your being, standing out as usual from an ocean of people.

Nanaba, Gelgar, and Flagon were dressed in what looked like dancing costumes.

Miche, with a small guitar, started the cue for their musical performance, “one, two, one—two—three—four.”

I always thought I might be bad

Now I’m sure that it’s true

‘Cause I think you’re so good

And I’m nothing like you

Look at you go

I just adore you

I wish that I knew

What makes you think I'm so special

Erwin’s voice echoed throughout the mess hall. It sounded like a dying mouse’s voice, or like a chair scraping across a tiled floor. Not to mention, his singing was utterly out of tune. But you didn’t care about his vocal talent, it was the thought that mattered.

You noticed young recruits cackling; they didn’t expect to see their squad captains dancing. They also didn’t expect such an adorably vulnerable side of the commander.

As he finished his song, the tall blond man with piercing blue eyes slowly made his way to you, offering a bouquet of white roses.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me. Even if you choose to leave me for another man, I’d willingly support you in every step of the way, because who am I to deny you of happiness? But please know, I love you, I loved you, and I always will love you.”

(e/c) eyes squinting, lit with an inner twinkle of hesitancy. The tension between you was so thick that you could choke on it. Commander Smith was a calm person in nature, however your lack of response managed to send him to a state of anxiousness.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, you finally made up your mind.

Displaying a wide grin, “I love you too, idiot.”

Erwin was elated, he looked like a golden retriever playing in the summer rain. His ocean-blue orbs welled up with joyful tears, convinced that he was God’s favorite for giving him a second chance to right his wrongs.

Picking you up possessively in bridal style, he mutters under his breath,

“I am the luckiest man alive.”

A/N: This takes place during the recruitment of Levi. I'm not sure what Erwin's rank was that time, so I just put him as commander.

[ Masterlist ]

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Day 50: Anonymous

(Can you all believe that I've been doing this for 50 days?! Thank you all SO MUCH for your love and support on these little ficlets. This has been such a great journey and I am so thankful for all of you!)

Halfway through Draco's eighth year at Hogwarts he started receiving anonymous notes.

He'd assumed, when the first scrap of parchment had arrived via an ordinary, school barn owl, that it was something threatening and he had cast multiple spells to ensure that it wasn't something that was going to hurt him. When the spells turned up nothing ominous, Draco looked around to see if anyone was watching him, then he carefully opened the note.

I really admire the way you're working to build yourself a different life. You're really brave. XO

He looked around to see if anyone had been watching for him to open it, but no one seemed to notice. Frowning he rolled up the little slip of parchment and tucked it away in his bag. Surely, it was a mistake.

---------

But the next morning at breakfast he received another.

I saw the way you fixed Neville's cauldron on his desk during potions so that it didn't fall off and spill. Have you always done things like that? -XO

His brow furrowed, it must be one of the other eighth years. He looked around but no one seemed to be paying him any attention. Carefully he folded up the scrap of paper and tucked it away in his bag, wondering what this was about.

(Read more below the cut)

He received another note that evening:

I like the way your face lights up when you figure something out, like it did today in Ancient Runes. It was almost enough to make me interested in the subject... Almost. -XO

And then he got another the following morning:

This is probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever said, but you're adorable in the mornings before you've had your coffee. All grumpy and sleepy. You need more over-sized jumpers. -XO

And again the following evening:

I can't with the way you were so gentle with that first year about how toxic pureblood culture is. You were so kind to him but so willing to stand for the truth. You're a good person, Draco. -XO

And they started arriving everyday like clockwork:

I like that little mole on your neck just below your ear. -XO

You're a bloody brilliant flyer, so graceful. -XO

Smith is an arsehole. No, he's worse. At least an arsehole has a purpose. I know that it gets to you, what people say, but you're better than that. You're more than what they say about you. -XO

It's unfair that anyone should have a neck that looks like yours. How's a bloke supposed to get anything done when your neck is *right there* begging to be kissed. Sigh. -XO

I'd like to kiss you. Your cheeks, your nose, your eyelids, your wrists and fingertips. Anywhere, really, I'm not particularly fussy. -XO

What are you going to do when we graduate? Will you leave and never look back or will you miss any of this? I realized the other day that I won't be able to see you all of the time any more when we graduate. I'll miss that. -XO

And so on, until the little box that Draco had begun putting them in was nearly bursting. They made him smile (or blush in some cases) and he pulled them out to read sometimes at night when he was having a hard time falling asleep or when he just needed to see himself through someone else's eyes.

He couldn't quite figure out who the secret notes were coming from but in his weakest moments, he let himself imagine that they were from Potter.

Potter, who shot up six inches the summer after the war, whose shoulders had filled out, who didn't look at Draco with eyes full of hate and vitriol anymore. He imagined what it would be like for Potter to like him, too.

It was silly and fanciful, there was too much bad blood and bad history between them, but it didn't stop him from day dreaming.

It was an accident when he discovered who his mystery man was. He'd been in a bit of a hurry, it was lunch time and he was late, he and Potter were coming from opposite directions, hurrying around the corner, and they ended up slamming into one another. Books, and quills, and parchment scattered as they tried to steady themselves.

"Draco!" he said, sounding surprised, "Err, Malfoy, I mean." He reached out a hand to help Draco off the floor before he started collecting his things and helping Draco to pick up his as well.

"Oh, here," Draco said, as he reached for a leather bound notebook that was lying open. He froze when he saw the writing on the page; he knew that handwriting. Looking a little more closely, he read the words:

I know it's silly, but would you ever consider going out with me sometime. I know there are a million reasons not to but I want to. What about you?

"You're the one writing me letters?" he asked, dumbfounded.

Potter rubbed the back of his neck, "I guess you were bound to find out sooner or later." He looked a bit crestfallen but he seemed willing enough to admit it.

"But," Draco started before breaking off to shake his head, "Why?"

Potter's brow furrowed, "I've written you dozens of letters about the why."

"But you-"

"I'm just a person," he interrupted. "I'm just a bloke who's really sick of people treating him differently."

Draco blinked, then gave him a little smirk, "I was going to say that I didn't know you were gay."

"Oh," Potter said, running his fingers through his tangled mane of curls, "Bi, actually."

"You," Draco started, clearing his throat and wishing that he could control the blush creeping up his neck and his cheeks, "You said something about kissing me. Anywhere I'd like."

Harry blinked, then a slow smile spread across his face, his left dimple appearing, "I did," he murmured softly.

"Would you maybe like to start here?" Draco asked, tapping his forefinger against his lips.

Harry's fingers curved around the side of his neck, his thumb brushing over his jaw, "I'd like that very much," he murmured as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Draco's.

And the euphoria he felt was like flying, and catching the game-winning snitch, and getting a good grade, and everything good he could think of all at once. He sank into the kiss, his fingers grasping the front of Harry's robes as he tugged him a bit closer.

Harry's glasses were a little crooked when he pulled back, a smile firmly in place on his face, "So, what do you say?" he asked. "Would you like to go out with me sometime?"

"Name the time and the place and I'll be there." And Draco thought that having a not-so-secret-admirer might be even better than having an anonymous one.

-------------

I just wanted to add a little note to say that you're more than welcome to send me prompts, and even if there are more than 100, I'll keep writing them. :)

Day 49: Truth | Day 51: Parents

[your-nerd-is-showing]

Story One: Attack on Titan Levi X Reader ~No Regrets~

Title says it all story takes place when Levi was a crime boss in the Underground City during the OVA.

Content: Smut

Warnings: losing virginity, unprotected sex, Levi being Levi, minors not allowed!

NSFW UNDER CUT

You and Levi had just been caught by the Scout Regiment. A blonde man approached the two of you.

“Where did you learn to use the 3D gear like that?” Asked the man.

Levi just scowled at him. The man looked at the person holding you captive and nodded at him as your face made contact with the pavement.

“I’ll ask you again.” He stepped closer to Levi. “Where did you learn to use the 3D gear?”

He still didn’t answer him.

“Okay let’s try it this way. You’re Levi Ackerman notorious crime boss of The Underground City.” The man looked to you. “and you’re (F/N) (L/N) his right hand. The crimes you have committed cannot go unpunished. Levi Ackerman I have a proposition for you. My name is Erwin Smith I’m the leader of the Scout Regiment, join the Scouts and all of your crimes will be forgiven.”

Levi just looked at the man.

“And you’ll get citizenship on the surface.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly.

You leaned closer to Levi. “Take it.” You whispered into his ear.

He glanced back at you. “(Y/N) comes with me.”

You looked at him shocked.

Erwin laughed. “You are in absolutely no position to be bargaining with me. What makes her so special? Why should I allow her to join the Scouts?”

“She’s one of the smartest people I have ever met, braver than any man I have met and strong…. Tch you’d be stupid not to take her too. You want me to fight for you, we're a packaged deal.”

Erwin laughed again. “Very well.” He walked up to you. “Your little girlfriend can come too. Take them all.”

The four of you were brought up to the surface, however you and Levi were taken separately from the other two.

“You two are coming with me.” Stated Erwin as you and Levi went into the carriage. The carriage brought you to private barracks, Erwin brought you both inside. “You’ll be sharing this room.” Said Erwin as he opened the door.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Tch…. Whatever you say.”

“There’s a shower in the room and clean clothes for you. Tomorrow we will head out to the camp.” He said as he shut the door.

You looked at Levi. “You’re fucking crazy you know that Levi.”

“Why can’t you just appreciate what I just did for you?” He replied.

“I do appreciate it more than anything but that was way too risky.” You sat on the bed.

“You know I’m just that good (Y/N).”

“Yea, yea, yea don’t get cocky with me Levi.” You chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for always thinking about me.”

“Tch…. You’re welcome….” He handed you a towel. “Go shower you smell like the city.”

“Yessir!” You saluted him and laughed.

You stepped into the bathroom and turned on the shower. You quickly got undressed and got in. You tilted your head back and let out a sigh as the warm water hit your aching muscles. “Ohhhh this feels so good to have a warm shower."

“Damnit Levi he drives me nuts! I can’t tell if he has feelings for me or not! But I-I want him so bad!” You thought to yourself.

You closed your eyes and started to fantasize about Levi being there in the shower touching you. You slowly moved your hand down your body imagining it was him doing this to you. The man that drove you crazy. The only man you ever loved. The mystery that is Levi, that’s why you craved him so badly. You loved the thrill of knowing he trusts you but you don’t know why he trusts you. He’s always been there to save your ass, he’s always been by your side protecting you and you’ve always protected him. You always wondered if there was more to it, you’ve caught him before looking at you but not his normal blank stare, you always see a flicker of something in them. It drove you nuts but it was what kept you going…. Everything you did was for him.

You tilted your head back as you reached your clit gently rubbing it, you let out a low moan and part of you hoped Levi would hear you. “Ohhhhh Levi.” You moaned a little louder as you made little circles around your clit.

Meanwhile Levi was looking at the Scouts uniform and he heard a low moan come from the bathroom. He crept closer to the door to listen.

“Ohhhhhh Levi.” He heard come from the other side.

“Is she touching herself and thinking about me?” Levi said in a low voice to himself. He heard you moan out his name louder this time.

Levi quickly got undressed and snuck into the bathroom. He crept up to the shower and snuck his way in. He stood there and watched you pleasure yourself he had a small smirk on his face as he crept closer.

You had no idea Levi was right behind you as you moaned out his name again. Suddenly you felt a warm breath on your neck and a hand gently groping your breast. “L-Levi!? W-wh-what are you d-doing.”

“If you moan any louder the whole barracks will hear how badly you want me (Y/N).” He whispered into your ear.

You turned around shocked to see Levi’s gorgeous naked body only inches away from yours. Without a second thought your lips made contact with his as you passionately kissed him.

He kissed you back roughly and pushed you up against the shower wall. He broke the kiss traveling his way down running steamy kisses towards your breasts.

You shuddered with pleasure as he gently nipped at your breast. Suddenly you felt a hand move down towards your crotch. You let out a low moan. “L-Levi I-I would never expect this from yo- ooooooh!” You were cut off and moaned out again as you felt him gently rub your clit.

He kissed your lips again pressing his tongue to them. You parted them and he instantly invaded your mouth. You fought his tongue and left no part of his mouth unexplored. You wrapped your arms and legs around Levi pulling him in closer. You could feel the water getting hotter as your bodies became intertwined. Hand on ass, hand on breast, his tip rubbing against your clit it was driving you crazy. He broke the kiss and started to suck on your nipple.

“Ohhhhh L-Levi…. S-shouldn’t we go to the bed so we don’t waste the hot water?”

He stopped his assault on your nipple, reached behind you to turn off the water, in one swift movement he picked you up and carried you to the bed. He gently laid you down his usually emotionless eyes full of wonder and passion started deep into your (E/C) orbs.

“(Y/N) for so long I’ve craved your touch…. I’ve been dreaming about this day.” Levi traced his fingertips along your jawline.

“Well why didn’t you say anything sooner?” You asked.

“I made myself a promise that I wasn’t going to say anything until we got citizenship above ground.”

“And what if we never did?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“I would of told you one day. Now shhhh let our bodies do the talking for us.” He leaned in and kissed you again his tongue dancing with yours as his body pressed closer to you.

You moaned into his mouth as you felt the heat of his length against your throbbing clit. You grabbed the back of his head pushing yourself even closer to him your body begged to be touched by Levi.

He broke the kiss. “Not so fast (Y/N).” He leaned into your ear. “I want to savior this.” He lightly nipped at your lobe making you shiver. He ran steamy kisses down your jawline lightly licking and nipping at your neck. He continued his was down to your breasts kissing all around the nipple before assaulting it with his tongue again.

“Ohhhhh Levi.” You moaned out as he nibbled at your breast.

He soon made his way over to the other breast giving it the same care and attention. Then he stopped and came up to kiss you again. His soft lips crashed into yours as he fiercely kissed you completely invading your mouth.

You were going crazy right now, you couldn’t believe this was actually happening after all this time you’re finally with the man you loved. You wrapped your legs around his waist, once again your body begging for him. You felt his throbbing tip rub against your soaking entrance you let out a loud moan as he slightly slipped in but of course Levi only teased you a little.

“What did I say (Y/N)?” He said sensually choking you. Levi kissed your lips again and traveled his way down between your legs. He kissed the inner part of your thighs his hair tickled your crotch, you squirmed at every touch.

You rolled your head back gripping onto the sheets as he rubbed your outside your lips, you were completely in his control. “Mmmmm baby I like that.”

“I’m just getting started.” Levi said smugly as he gently teased your opening. He gently plunged a finger into your throbbing hole slowly he moved it in and out of you.

Your body moved in sync with every thrust of his finger, you could feel yourself getting wetter as juices leaked out of you.

“You’re loving this aren’t you?” He asked.

“M-more than you k-know Levi.”

“Good.” He pushed a second finger in, making you writhe in pleasure as he pumped his fingers in and out of you.

“Ah- ahhhhh b-be careful!” You winced.

“Sorry I got a little carried away.” He tenderly kissed your outer lips. “I’ll be more careful.” He dove right in to your throbbing core, lightly licking and sucking on your clit.

You could feel the heat rising on your skin as he swirled his tongue around, you let out a loud moan and gushed into his mouth.

It took Levi by surprise. “What was that?” He looked confused.

“I-I have no idea.” You were red from embarrassment.

“I don’t know ether but I liked it. I hope you do it again (Y/N).” He went back down and licked you clean.

“Ohhhhhh Leviiiiii! P-pl-please don’t s-stoppppp!” You moaned out as you gushed again, you grabbed his hair grinding against his face. You had no control over your body as your walls clenched around his fingers you rode out your first orgasm.

“Well that’s one.” He said smugly. “one of many more tonight I hope.” He went back down and licked up the juices hoping you would gush again.

You hooked your legs around his shoulders pulling him in closer as you tugged on his hair. You felt yourself release into his mouth again, shivers running down your spine as he licked up every last drop.

Levi finally came up, wiped his face before he leaned in to kiss you as he positioned himself right at your soaking entrance. He teased you by slightly inserting the tip just barely grazing your hole, your body trembled beneath him.

You moaned into his mouth as he teased you even more, you couldn’t take it you started bucking your hips uncontrollably. You broke the kiss. “L-Levi I-I can’t take it anymore I’m going crazy…. Please.” You leaned into his ear. “I want you inside me now Levi.” You shyly demanded.

“Yes princess.” He kissed you deeply as he slipped in slowly he started to thrust.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he fit in, you pulled on his hair and yelped into his mouth, both of you feeling a pop. You loosened your grip as he slowly pumped in and out of you.

He broke the kiss. “Are you ok?” He asked.

“Yes I am fine Levi.” You smiled at him.

“Good.” He started, to thrust harder, going deeper and deeper every time.

Your body moved in perfect sync with Levi's as he pounded you. You could feel another orgasm coming on, you arched your back and moaned out as your walls clung to his member releasing yourself all over him.

“That’s two.” He said as he picked you up and set you in his lap. He held you close as you rocked your hips back and forth. Both of you clinging to each other for dear life.

You readjusted your legs so you were kneeling, I glint of fire gleamed in your eyes as you pushed him down taking control. You wildly pounded his member into you as you rocked your hips. The sound of you slamming down on him became so loud it started to echo. Then you slowed down the pace savoring it all as you slowly grinded on him.

Levi tilted his head back and let out a low grunt if satisfaction as you rode him, he grabbed your ass and spread your cheeks as he got in motion with you. He was loving every minute of riding him, as you slammed down on his throbbing length.

He took you by surprise and pulled you off of him, laying you down on your side he lifted your leg up and entered you again.

You reached a whole other level of satisfaction as he plunged in and out of you. Your body was moving on its own as he went harder, you felt another orgasm coming on. “Ohhhhhhh Leviiiiii!” You screamed out in pleasure as you released yourself again soaking the two of you completely.

“That’s three.” He said smugly as he went deeper in you. “Can we make it to four and five?” He leaned in closer. “I certainly hope so I’m loving this right now (Y/N).” He pulled out and bent you over as he slipped in from behind. He spread your cheeks again so he could have better leverage. He slowed the pace and looked down in wonder as he watched his length slide in and out of you. “God damn (Y/N) you are so amazing.” He moaned out as you got back in sync with him. “That’s a good girl fuck me like its your job!”

“Y-yes L-Levi!” You panted as you picked up the pace riding his entire length. Your body started to shake as you felt another climax coming. You moaned out as you came again.

“Number four.” He pulled out once again and laid you back on the bed. His breathing was heavy, as his gorgeous body glistened with sweat. He leaned in to kiss you as he entered you again. Levi started to pound you faster than ever before, your body was becoming exhausted from all the sex. “(Y/N) I’m-I'm going to cum….”

You leaned into his ear. “Then release yourself inside me.”

He looked at you shocked, but nodded his head. He let out a low moan as you clung to him your walls clenching around him as you reached your final climax, he released his seed inside you. He collapsed on the bed next to you breathing heavily. “N-number five. (Y/N) t-that was amazing.” He pulled you in close nuzzling into your neck.

You smiled. “No you’re amazing Levi.”

He lifted his head and smiled at you. “No you are (Y/N).”

[loki-hargreeves]

Bucky x Reader - She Will Be Loved

Warnings: terrible date (being ghosted), fluff, fighting (combat), being held at gunpoint, being trapped, hypothermia, vulgar language, mentions of death, hurt/comfort sort of, more fluff Word Count: 8,8K (I tried to keep it under 4K but I can’t control myself) Summary: You have feelings for Bucky that you have pushed aside for too long, in a fear that having feelings for your colleague would be a distraction for you as an Avenger. After a terrible date, Bucky comforts you. The two of you get cozy and you say things you soon regret. You talk things through a few days on an icy mission, when you get trapped together in a sticky situation.  Song prompt/Listen to: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 Author’s Note: This is for @nekoannie-chan​ ‘s writing challenge. I hope you’ll enjoy it! I’m so excited to write for Bucky again. It’s been too long. I’m sorry if it sucks, I procrastinated way too much while writing this. #bucketdeservesbetter 

THIRD POV

It had been well over twenty minutes since the artificial intelligence system had informed the people at the compound that Y/N had returned. Whenever the garage was used, it would let others know. Oftentimes, no one really thought much of it. The updates and messages from the system were something the Avengers and the other people working at the compound had grown used to. 

When Bucky realized that she wasn’t anywhere to be seen, he wondered if she could still be in the garage. Was she alright? 

He didn’t want to pry because he knew that her business was none of his business, but he knew that she had been out on a date and she had returned quite soon. 

Eventually, he decided to go and check on her, just to make sure she was alright. Whether or not he liked to show he cared, he did. Probably more than she’d ever know.

When Bucky entered the large garage, he heard the faint bass vibrations. Was she listening to music? 

There she was, sat in her car with a sadness washed across her face. She just sat there, leaning against the car seat as she surrounded herself with a minor tune. Clearly, things hadn’t gone well.

To make his presence known, Bucky tapped on the window.

She seemed to snap out of a daze. Quickly, she turned down the music and lowered the window, so they could hear each other speak.

“Everything alright?” Bucky wondered, already knowing the answer. 

“No,” Was all she could say. Earlier, she had felt like screaming her lungs out in frustration. Now she felt like one push was all it would take to make her cry. Why did everything always go South when it came to her life? Why did Bucky have to see her like this? Out of all the people on planet earth. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He wondered and desperately tried to find a way to comfort her. Even if it was just as friends, he wanted to be there for her, like she had often been there for him. He was angry that whoever her date was had left her like this. If he had a chance to treat her right, he would never do this to her. He quickly wiped those thoughts away, knowing damn well that having feelings for her, his team member, a fellow Avenger, would only cause trouble. 

Y/N leaned over to the passenger seat door and opened it, “hop in.”

And so he did. Bucky walked around the car and then sat inside it, closing the door gently. It was just them now, where the other Avengers couldn’t eavesdrop on their conversation or walk-in at a bad time. Now that he sat in the car, he could hear the melody she had tried to turn off. It sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite put his tongue on it. Bucky assumed it was a more recent melody. He had a lot of catching up to do. 

‘...I don’t mind spending every day, out on your corner in the pouring rain...’

“What happened?” He wondered and faced her properly. When he saw the glossy tears in the corners of her eyes, his heart tightened in his chest. It was terrible to see her like that.

“He ghosted me,” She cracked a smile but it wasn’t a happy one, “I waited at him for an hour and then he texted me, saying he couldn’t do it.”

Bucky barely knew of this man, but he already hated him. How could anyone ask her out and then not show up when she was already at the location? In Bucky’s mind, the man was merely a coward. She deserved better. 

“I’m sorry that happened,” He didn’t know what to say. Bucky used to be smooth with his words, but these days he found it hard. Luckily, she seemed to understand. 

“Well, it is what it is. At least I know not to contact him again,” She tried to see the positive side of things. That was an admirable trait. It was also why- in Bucky’s mind - she spent time with him. Despite all the terrible things he had done as the Winter Soldier, she stayed by his side. 

Y/N changed the song and turned the volume on a little bit higher, trying to fill the silence. By now, she felt slightly better because she wasn’t drowning in self-pity. But she was nervous because Bucky was next to her. 

Bucky, the man that made her heart do somersaults. The man she had dreamed of so many times but would never let anyone know of. It was almost like fate was tormenting her by putting such terrible dates in her path when she ended up speaking with Bucky at the end of the day anyway. 

She decided to add to what she said, “I’ll get over it.”

“It’s okay to upset, Y/N,” Bucky remembered when she had said the exact same words to him before. He often bottled things up, because he didn’t like to put his problems on other people’s shoulders. But she was always willing to listen to him.

“Yeah,” Was all she could say. She felt silly for being upset over a failed date. She felt as if she should’ve expected this. After all, she was an Avenger. Normalcy wasn’t destined for her. Despite how much she yearned for connection, or perhaps for someone to make her feel good for one night, it never seemed to go well. Perhaps some day she would learn to expect less from the world. 

Bucky tried to think of something that would cheer her up. “Have you eaten today?” 

“If you don’t count the breadstick I ate at the restaurant, then no.”

It was his chance to take her mind off of things. 

“I was thinking about ordering some takeout. It’s convenient when it comes all the way to the front door, and it might be my cheat day as well.”

The light lit in her beautiful eyes. “That sounds nice, Buck.”

She turned off the engine and the music stopped. Together they climbed out of the car and made their way to the elevator, that would take them inside. As the elevator doors closed, and she stopped right next to Bucky, she smiled. It was nice to know that he was there for her, but she felt bad for thinking of him as more than a friend. 

“What do you want?” Bucky wondered, already thinking about his own order. He had heard of a new pizza place that opened nearby and perhaps he could try their menu. 

“I don’t know. What are you thinking about?” 

A smug smile spread on his face, “New York-style pizza,” he turned to face her. “Nothing beats that.”

She should’ve known he would say that. “Why am I not surprised?” 

“What? You know I’m right,” He said confidently. 

All she could do was to roll her eyes playfully. He never failed to make her smile. 

“I can’t argue with you on that,” Y/N admitted. To her, pizza sounded great. Especially after the terrible date she had, if she could even call it that. 

                                           Less than an hour later, they were sat in one of the many common rooms in the compound. They didn’t have a mission for that day, or for the next as far as they were aware of, so they decided to enjoy the little time they had off. It wasn’t that late yet, so most of the other teammates were busy finishing their tasks, which meant that Bucky and Y/N had a few moments to spare just for each other. 

The pizza arrived and Y/N had already logged into Netflix to find a movie for them to enjoy. The team often found comfort in watching movies together, because for an hour or two they could focus on something else than their own issues and lives. A little bit of escapism never hurt anybody.

They decided to watch Focus, with Margot Robbie and Will Smith, a movie that seemed action-packed and fun. As long as it was entertaining to watch, they were happy. The main focus of the night was the pizza anyway. 

Bucky took a decently sized bite of the warm pizza, and some of the cheese threatened to slip off it and onto his lap.

Y/N, who was watching from the side, quickly grabbed the topping that was a second away from being one with his pants, and she ate it herself. “You have to watch your food.”

“How can I watch my food and the movie? I might have superhuman powers but I still have just two eyes,” Bucky explained the obvious. 

As they ate the pizza and focused on the film, time passed faster than they could comprehend. They sat next to each other, and Y/N was beginning to feel tired. It had been a long day and she had been on an emotional roller-coaster. Despite how fun the movie was, she felt like closing her eyes for just one moment. 

Bucky didn’t realize how tired she was until he felt her leaning against him ever so slightly. As he turned to look at her, he noticed that her eyes were closed. She looked adorable like that, but he wasn’t going to say it out loud. He didn’t dare to move a muscle, afraid it would make her wake up or move away from him. Knowing that she felt comfortable enough around him to fall asleep just like that melted his heart. 

It didn’t take long until her head slid closer and closer to him until she was resting against his shoulder ever so comfortably. At that point, Bucky swore he could feel his heart trying to beat through his chest. He wondered if he should wake her up, or if he should let her sleep. Would she be upset for missing out on the movie? 

For now, he didn’t know what to do. He grabbed the remote that was nearby, paused the movie and then took a deep breath. As much as he loved being like that with her, he knew it mustn’t have been nice to sleep with pants on, sitting upright on the couch. 

Before he could try to wake her up, the opened suddenly and no other than Sam walked in, Natasha and Steve closing in from behind. 

“There you two are! We’ve been looking all over for you,” Sam explained. He hadn’t realized that Y/N was asleep. 

She opened her eyes, startled by Sam’s voice. When she realized that she had made herself cozy against Bucky, she pulled away and felt her cheeks burning from embarrassment. How did she let herself doze off like that?

Natasha had a knowing look on her face, but she didn’t point anything out. They had definitely noticed how close they had been. 

“Why? Is everything alright?” Bucky ignored how startled Y/N looked, and he focused on what Sam had said. 

Sam sat down next to Bucky and glanced at the screen. “No. It was just weird to not hear from either of you. Thought you sneaked off without us,” he explained with a bright smile. 

Steve and Natasha sat down as well. They noticed the empty pizza boxes and drinks. 

“What are you watching?” Steve wondered. He had never seen Focus before since he had plenty of other films on his watching list. 

“Focus,” Y/N muttered, now wrapped up in a blanket. “I fell asleep, I have no idea what I missed.”

“It’s okay,” Bucky reassured her. “We can play it from the beginning if you all want to watch it too.”

Yes, it was fun to spend time with his friends elsewhere than on the field, it also stung a little bit. Spending one on one time with Y/N was rare these days. He hoped that she wouldn’t distance herself again after getting comfortable with him. She had a tendency to shut people out once they got too close to her. Bucky couldn’t blame her. He knew damn well how harsh one’s own mind could be sometimes. 

“Sounds good to me,” Natasha shrugged and waited for the others to voice their onion as well. 

Just like that, all five of them watched the movie right from the very beginning. During the entire time, Bucky and Y/N would steal glances from one another. They didn’t speak of it, but they both thought about what happened. 

It was funny when Steve would make supportive comments of the main characters, who were thieves and the others would tease him for it. Ever since his ‘language’ moment, people hadn’t cut him any slack. 

At some point in the movie, the main characters Nicky and Jess were in the car. They had just won a gamble, and they were talking about they had subliminally planted the number 55 everywhere. At first, the scene was harmless. They were having a great time, and it even lead to a kiss. 

Despite how much Y/N liked the movie, the thought of being kissed and held like that made her long for it even more than before. It had been too long since the last time someone made her feel such bliss. Her mind got the best of her, and she wondered when Bucky had last kissed someone. Despite how much she could tell about other people and read them like open books, he was a tough person to crack. She had no idea.

Suddenly the atmosphere changed in the film. Nicky made the driver stop the car, and he handed Jess her part of the money they won. They both seemed upset. When he implied that their ways had to part, as the job was done, Y/N felt bad for the woman. She knew damn well how hard it was to love someone when they were both on the same job. Feelings just complicated things. 

The man left the car and ordered the driver to take her to the airport. Everyone in the room watched quietly as he left, and she was left alone in the car with tears in her eyes.

It reminded Y/N of where she had been a moment ago; swimming in a pool of her own misery while jamming to She Will Be Loved, by Maroon 5 in her own car. Then Bucky had shown up. 

“That’s tough,” Sam was the first one to make a comment. 

Bucky had also thought of Y/N when he saw that scene. He wondered if that’s what she had felt when she had been left alone at the restaurant, waiting for someone who never showed up. Once again, he felt angry as he thought about the man who had let her down. He couldn’t wrap it around his head that someone was lucky enough to spend time with her and they would leave her hanging like that. It was wrong. 

“Why would he leave her? What a coward!” Natasha was irritated. She knew it was merely a moment that would ultimately deepen the plot, but it still agitated her. 

“He might’ve known that catching feelings for someone you work with isn’t easy,” Y/N let the words slip out of her mouth before she could stop herself. If she had watched it with anyone else, it would’ve been okay. But these were Avengers. Natasha was an excellent agent and it didn’t take a genius to pick up the trace of sadness in her voice. No one wanted to mention it, but everyone seemed to notice it. 

Why do I have to open my mouth? Y/N thought to herself and wished she would have disappeared into the couch. 

As if it couldn’t get any worse, Steve asked something rather harmless. “How did you date go?” He tried to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Bucky shot his friend a glance that told him to be quiet about it. But it was too late. 

“It didn’t even begin,” Y/N answered vaguely. She didn’t really want to talk about it. 

For the rest of the movie, she felt tense. Although she was sure everyone had moved on from that topic, she couldn’t. The moment the movie ended, she excused herself and rushed to the safety of her own room. 

The door closed behind her and she let out a deep breath. The day had been humiliating and all she wanted was to take a shower and fall asleep. 

                              A few days later, they had a mission. They left in a hurry, and they were filled in with the details as they were all geared up and in the quinjet. They were on their way to Alaska, where it would be cold since it was winter. In the remote wilderness, the satellites had picked up signals that weren’t supposed to be there. The code that they received from that was worrying.Tony even suspected that it could lead them to an enemy they had been tracking desperately for weeks now. 

 Y/N and Bucky were supposed to go in from the West side of the suspected enemy location, as Sam, Steve and Natasha would go in from the other side. They had the others ready for backup if it was needed, but so far it seemed like something they could handle just fine. They were unsure whether or not they had civilians locked up there, so they had to be careful. They were supposed to meet in the middle and take care of any enemies that would get in the way. 

Being teamed up with Bucky was usually fun, but right now Y/N dreaded it. Although they worked well together, she had avoided him since the movie night, in fear that she had made a fool of herself. Not only did she fall asleep against his shoulder, she also had to open her big mouth and make things awkward. 

“See you soon,” Natasha waved to the duo as their paths separated. Y/N and Bucky landed in the snow that was hard and icy because of the weather, the contrary of the soft snow that had coated New York. They hadn’t spoken much on the ride yet, but it was impossible to avoid now. 

From a distance, they could see the base. It was half disguised by the snow on the roof, but from ground level it was obvious. It’s like they didn’t even try to hide as they had their flags on the poles, letting anyone nearby see them. Admittedly, they were in the middle of nowhere and no random people happened to pass by any time soon. 

One thing was sure, this was definitely their base. These people were dangerous, armed and evil. 

There were a dozen armed guards on the outside, who hadn’t spotted the Avengers that had slowly crept closer and closer. Their weapons said it all. Whatever or whoever they were hiding was valuable. 

“It’s cold,” Bucky tried to ease the tension between them by talking about the weather. He was worried that he had said or done something that made her uncomfortable. If so, he just wanted to make things alright again. 

“We better make our way inside fast. I’m sure it’s warmer there,” She tried to sound casual - as if they weren’t in a situation that could potentially be life threatening. That was their life, their normal. She realized that her dates could never understand this. 

But Bucky could.

As they crawled closer to the base from behind the trees, hidden by the safety of the night, they noticed how small the windows were. They had to go in through a door, or somehow squeeze through the small, certainly bulletproof windows. 

“Hey,” Bucky wanted to face her. He was usually great at focusing on his missions, but this was his chance. It was just the two of them now.

Nervously, Y/N faced his blue eyes. It was hard not to get lost in them. Even in the dark, they were so bright. 

“Are you okay?” He asked her and felt his own heart beating a little bit faster. The way she looked at him was something he would never get used to. 

“I’m fine. We’re here, on a mission, where we belong,” She decided to stay focused. If she let herself  get distracted now, it would end up in chaos. 

Bucky dropped it. He knew that she would open up to him eventually if it was important. 

They were close enough to take out the first few guards. They would have to be silent, so they wouldn’t alert anyone. 

“You go in from the right, I’ll go left,” Bucky gave her the order with a soft voice. It was the natural next move from their point of view. 

Y/N simply nodded and got ready. She had to take down two guards. One was closer to them and the other one had just walked behind the corner, to the other side of the huge building. It was a perfect opportunity to strike. 

She got up from the icy ground ever so silently. Before the guard could notice her, she leapt at him without any hesitation. The startled man tried to yell, but she wrapped her strong arms around his throat and he knew damn well that one wrong move could end his life. He shut his mouth, afraid that if he spoke, she would kill him.

“Do you have a key card?” Y/N asked him and steadied her feet on the ground. She expected him to try and fight her, but she was prepared for an attack

Slowly, but surely the man grabbed something from his pocket. At least this one was cooperative, but it didn’t make up for the terrible things he stood for. She watched as he pulled out a few keys and cards, dropping them all on the ground. Satisfaction flowed through her veins. It was always nice to have something useful on missions like these. 

To avoid wasting time, she squeezed his windpipe hard and felt his body tighten as he panicked. Quickly, she put him out of his misery and dropped him on the ground. Y/N collected the keys and put them in her pocket, and then she made her way to the direction of the other guard. He hadn’t heard her, which was a positive. 

His back was faced toward her, and he couldn’t see or hear her coming as she sneaked closer to him. Once Y/N was close enough, she grabbed him from behind, and choked the air out of his lungs. 

This one didn’t comply as well as the first. He tried to squirm away from her touch, but she had a good grip. Suddenly, he managed to switch things so that they both fell on the ground. 

“Oh no you don’t!” Y/N groaned, annoyed that she let it happen. Then she rolled over above him and punched his face, knocking him out instantly. Once he was unconscious, she used his own handcuffs to cuff him against a flag pole. Just like that, she was done. She wiped the snow off her hands as she stood up.

She noticed Bucky had been watching her. Why did he smile at her? He had certainly been quick. 

“I got the keys,” She let him know and patted the pocket gently, so he could hear them. Taking down the two guards had made adrenaline rush through her body. The mission, despite its dangers, excited her. 

“Great. Let’s go, shall we?”

They made their way inside the base without being noticed. As they walked further inside through the dim corridors, Y/N wondered how the others were doing. She thought it was strange how little resistance they met. Surely, they would’ve been noticed by now. 

Bucky was thinking the same exact thing, which was why he was so cautious. He had been on missions long enough to know what when things seemed too good to be true, it usually was that way. He hated letting Y/N walk in first, because she was at greater risk of being injured. But he wasn’t going to doubt her abilities now. He knew damn well she was capable of handling things herself. When he saw her taking down those guards, he was still just as impressed as he was when he first saw her in action. 

“That’s weird,” Y/N whispered when she saw a door that was wide open. It looked like it led to a cold room. She noticed that deep inside the room, there were several metallic doors that were shut. They all had small windows on the top, but they were frozen so it was impossible to see to the other side. Were they some sort of chambers? 

By glancing at Bucky once, she let him know where she was going. He just nodded and let her walk inside. As she did that, he stayed on the outside to keep watch. Something told him that they weren’t as safe as it seemed. Call it a bad gut feeling.

Y/N noticed how cold it was the moment she stepped inside the room. She was happy she wore her winter gear, but the cold still crept through and slid underneath her shirt, sending icy shivers down her spine. Her breath was foggy, and the cold air hurt her nostrils. She looked around the room and noticed a surveillance camera in the corner, but the lights weren’t on. Nevertheless, she avoided it. Better be safe than sorry. 

That’s when everything changed.

One of the closed doors opened and a man walked out with a gun in his hand, pointing it directly at Y/N. “Hands up!” He growled angrily, alerting Bucky who had been facing down the corridor. Without any hesitation, he was ready to bolt in there and aid her. 

Being held at gunpoint wasn’t new for Y/N but she was careful nevertheless. It was a good opportunity for her to take in all the details she could from the gunman. He wore a white lab coat, heavy boots that looked like combat boots. Was he a scientist? Ex-military, perhaps? He was older than her, perhaps nearing his 60’s, judging by the grey in his beard and hair. His face was incredibly familiar, but she wasn’t quite sure where she had seen him before.

Knowing that Bucky was nearby made her relax as she raised her arms. “You don’t have to shoot me,” Y/N tried negotiating with him.

Nevertheless, the angry old man walked closer to her. The tip of the gun was shaking. Was he afraid or just cold? 

“Are you alone?” The man wanted to know. 

“Yes,” Y/N wasn’t going to blow the cover of the others. 

As if on cue, Bucky stormed inside the room. The man barely had time to react to it as suddenly Bucky grabbed his wrist and forced the man to drop the gun. As Bucky took care of him, Y/N kicked the gun away so no one could reach it and use it. 

Within seconds, Bucky had the guy pinned down on the cold floor, ready to break his windpipe for daring to point a gun at the person he cared so much about. 

As Y/N stood by, she heard another pair of footsteps coming from outside the cold room. When she turned to look, grabbing her own gun so she could defend herself and Bucky, she saw a masked person. They were tall, with a slim build. The mask was white as snow and it had no details. 

“Stop!” She demanded and pointed the weapon at them, but it was too late. The person slammed the metal door shut and she heard a click, indicating that it was locked. 

Her heart bolted to her throat as she ran to the door and tried to open it, realizing to her own horror that it didn’t even have a handle from the inside. 

The man Bucky had pinned down on the ground began to laugh, “We’re never getting out of here alive!” What the hell was that supposed to mean?!

Stay calm, Y/N told herself over and over again in her head. The others knew their location. They were going to be just fine. 

“The temperature will keep dropping until we’re all icicles,” He continued to taunt them with the horror of their situation. Why didn’t it scare him? Had he already accepted his fate?

“Do you have anything useful to say?” Bucky sounded so intimidating now, speaking with no mercy or warmth in his voice. If it wasn’t for the terrible situation, Y/N would have loved listening to his voice like that. It was undeniably quite sexy of him.

Clearly, the man wasn’t going to cooperate. 

And Bucky wasn’t going to listen to his nonsense. Instead, he did what he had done to the other guards and left the man’s body on the ground. He might’ve been unconscious, but if what he said was true, he too would die in this place.

Being locked up in a giant freezer didn’t bring back any warm memories to him. He walked to the other end of the room and banged on the metal wall. Nothing happened, so he hit it again, much harder this time. He tried to find a weak spot so he could get out of there with Y/N. Bucky tried the corners of the room, and eventually he ended up by the door.

Y/N tried to push the door open, but it was useless. She kicked it, and searched for buttons - anything - on the inside that could help them escape the huge freezer. There was absolutely nothing she saw that would’ve helped them. The room was like a metal box, which meant their devices didn’t work. There was no way they could contact anyone outside the room, and no one could contact them. The bangs on the metal only echoed loudly, but certainly didn’t help them escape. That freezer was built to contain even the strongest of people. It was almost eerie how much it resembled something they would find at a HYDRA base. Could they be connected? 

One thing was for sure,

They were trapped. 

“Well this sucks,” Y/N kicked the door out in frustration. Shooting at it would’ve been reckless, since the material would only make the bullets ricochet and endanger them furthermore. A rotten feeling bubbled in her stomach. If she had been more careful, they wouldn’t have been stuck in that sticky situation. Who was that masked person anyway? Why would they lock them in there, when one of their own was there as well? It didn’t make much sense. Perhaps these people were simply ruthless enough to risk their own in order to win in every situation. The thought of it made Y/N uncomfortable because it meant their enemies were willing to do terrible and unimaginable things. 

As she turned around to face Bucky, her heart dropped. He looked troubled, almost afraid. He never looked like that on missions. She realized that the cold room must’ve reminded him of his days at HYDRA. 

“Hey,” She rushed over to him. 

He couldn’t face her. Bucky felt his anxiety rising and he didn’t want her to see him like that, so afraid. It made him feel pathetic. Would she judge him? He quickly knew that she would never judge him, but he didn’t feel much better anyway. 

“It’s okay, the others know we’re here. I’m sure they’ll come through that door soon enough,” She tried to comfort him. 

Bucky knew that she was right. He tried to focus on facts, that they weren’t alone and that it was possibly to rely on the others for help. He had relied on himself for so long that it was hard to trust that other people could help him. Right now, they didn’t really have a choice. 

Her hand was right against his back, which was comforting. Bucky relaxed his shoulders and faced her with a gentle smile. Although his lips barely curved up, she saw it. Every smile from him was like a gift. 

They had to stay warm. It wouldn’t be much of a problem for him, as it would for her. If what the man said was true, it would get colder the longer they were there and Y/N was in real danger of getting hypothermia. 

When he looked at her, he noticed that she was already shivering. It broke his heart to see her like that. 

“You’re right,” He cleared his throat. The others would find them. They had to be patient. 

For now, they could try to find clues on the man who was unconscious on the ground. As far as they were aware, the metal doors were locked. Besides, they didn’t lead anywhere. It looked like the man had used one of the small rooms as a hiding place when he had heard them in the corridor earlier. What those tiny rooms were originally built for, Bucky wasn’t sure he even wanted to know. It looked like a row of tiny prison cells.

Bucky knelt down beside the body and began searching through his pockets. All of them were empty. Soon enough, he let out a disappointed sigh. There was nothing useful to be found, but it was worth checking out. 

As he faced Y/N the next time, he noticed that she had wrapped her arms around her own body. He too noticed it was getting colder, but the serum protected him from it, for now. He knew how to make her warm, but he wasn’t sure if she would like it. But if it meant it would help, he had to suggest it.

“You know, if we stay close to each other, we’ll stay warmer for much longer,” Bucky let her know.

Despite how freezing cold it was, Y/N felt how her cheeks heating up. She knew he was right. They could benefit from each other’s body warmth. 

“Bring it in,” She tried to act cool about it as she opened her arms widely. Bucky couldn’t hold back a smile as he wrapped her in a hug. It felt nice, despite it all. Awkwardly, they sat down on the ground and huddled closer to one another. Now all they could do was wait.

“You’re warm,” Y/N noticed. Perhaps it was because she was as chill as a snowball, she still found Bucky warm. She wondered if the serum made him that way, or if another person was truly radiating so much heat in the cold. 

Bucky was glad she couldn’t see his flustered face at that moment. Her head leaned against his shoulder and she was staring at the door, waiting for it to open up any moment now. He held her tightly and hated how good it felt. If only the circumstances were different. 

“It’s the serum,” He eventually replied. 

Once again, it was just the two of them - the unconscious scientist was left out of the count. They couldn’t avoid each other now. They had all the time until the door would open, to discuss things. Anything, as long as it would keep Y/N awake. The cold had a tendency to make people drowsy.

“Sam will never shut up about it if he sees us like this,” She realized, saying it with a hint of playfulness in her voice. 

Bucky silently agreed with her. He also knew that Sam knew of Bucky’s feelings. Sam was one of the very few people who Bucky had confided in. Sure, it had been a while since he told Sam that he cared for Y/N as more than just a friend, but Sam definitely remembered that. 

Feeling brave, Bucky decided to test the waters. “Why have you avoided us since the movie night?” He was fully prepared for her to change the topic immediately, and he wasn’t going to push her buttons if she chose to do so. 

Didn’t he really know?

Y/N felt bad for what she had done. She truly thought she had made things awkward, but perhaps she had been over-thinking it. 

“I thought I made things weird,” She admitted.

Weird? Bucky furrowed his eyebrows as he felt confused. He thought about it for a moment and remembered how she fell asleep against his shoulder. Was that it?

“What do you mean?” 

Y/N felt nervous now. Although it was difficult to talk about it, her feelings and all that, she decided to go for it. There was a slim chance the others wouldn’t find them until it was too late. The temperature in the room was plummeting, after all, and they couldn’t break out of there. 

She wanted to talk about things. 

“When I said that thing about catching feelings, and how it could make things hard,” She hoped she wouldn’t have to repeat herself, that he could recall the moment. 

It felt like a light bulb lit above his head. 

What was she implying? After pushing his feelings for her aside for so long, he was almost scared to even consider she could feel the same way about him. He had watched her go on dates several times and come back, disappointed. Every time, he was there to help her. Bucky wondered why she would put herself through that, but if she cared for someone, it made sense that she’d distract herself.

No

Bucky couldn’t let his mind go that far. There was no chance she cared about him the way he cared about her. Surely, she had been upset because of the date who never showed up. 

“Why do you see these people?” Bucky was genuinely curious. It felt wrong to question her love life. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d do if he was in their shoes. He would treat her like the wonderful person she was. Bucky would stop at nothing to make her feel good about herself, to feel beautiful - inside out. In his eyes, she deserved to be loved. Even if it meant she’d find someone else. 

“I don’t know,” That was a lie. They both knew that.

“You don’t know?” 

“It’s complicated,” She corrected herself. 

How long had they been there? It already felt much colder and her shivering was beginning to get uncontrollable. Bucky felt bad for her as he held her closer, feeling every tremble of her body against his. What he feared more than that was when she’d stop shaking. 

Y/N’s fingertips felt like they were freezing over. It made her sick to her stomach when she couldn’t even bend them properly anymore. 

Bucky noticed that and he was quick to grab her hands into his, which was much warmer. His flesh hand was so warm against hers. Since his metal arm was quite obviously cold, he had her hands pressed against his stomach and he covered them with his hand. They were safely sealed away from the cold air. 

It felt amazing when his warmth spread across her skin. 

Either the cold was getting to her head, or she was otherwise losing her shame and willpower. Her heart was screaming at her to tell Bucky about her feelings. Other times she would silence that voice as well as she possibly could, but now she listened. Would it be so dumb? Was she imagining things or did it seem like he wanted the conversation to go there? Perhaps she was finding too much comfort in his embrace. It was bizarre how quickly she succumbed to the cold. One moment she was fine, and now she was trembling away in Bucky’s arms. Without a clock or anything else that made the passage of time clear, it was difficult to tell how long they had already been there. 

Five minutes? 

Ten?

“Bucky?” She made up her mind. She would deal with the consequences if they made it out of there alive. Surely, he would be fine but she wasn’t so sure about herself. Bucky was the one with the serum. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you really want to know why?” She kept the sentence short. It was so cold that it was hard to move her mouth as she spoke. Inhaling the cold air, oddly enough, felt like swallowing fire. 

Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t expected the conversation to go like this. 

“You can tell me if you feel comfortable with it,” He hoped he hadn’t pushed her. 

“I am,” Y/N nodded. Her heart was racing by now. It couldn’t believe that its tiny voice was being heard. “When I said t-that catching feelings for someone you work with is...isn’t easy, I was talking about how I certainly don’t know how to deal with it.”

Bucky was shocked. Was he hearing right? He didn’t know what to say.

She decided to continue, “I’ve tried to ignore this for so long, because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” As she spoke, her feelings got the best of her. After bottling up her feelings for so long, letting them pour out was overwhelming. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She blinked, and one of them rolled down her cheek. It froze within seconds against her skin. 

“Hey,” Bucky noticed it as he looked down. They faced each other and all Y/N wanted to do was to get lost in those eyes. Why did they have to get trapped in this room? Why didn’t she do a better job at keeping watch? She blamed herself for being in this situation. The thought of anything happening to Bucky, and knowing he was locked there which certainly put his mind to a terrible place, made her feel so guilty. 

“I’m sorry,” Y/N said softly. She didn’t want to cry, but it was hard not to. Keep yourself together!

Bucky couldn’t let go of her hands, but he wanted to wipe her tears away. He wanted to hold her differently, to cup her face, but he didn’t want her to get colder. He just couldn’t believe his own ears. For all that time, they had both been hiding the fact that they cared about each other so much. 

“We can talk about this later if you want to,” Bucky noticed that she was struggling. 

She shook her head no, “If I freeze to death, you deserve to know that I really like you. You’re wonderful, Bucky.”

She said those words with such sincerity that it melted Bucky’s doubts. Although her words were slurred, he found the truth in it. He felt like the luckiest person in the world, knowing that his feelings weren’t one-sided. The joy was short lived as he focused on the other half of her sentence. The sharp pain was quite the opposite of the moment of happiness. It was bittersweet. 

“You won’t die here, Y/N,” he was quick to reassure her, although by now, he felt freezing cold as well. He wanted to tell her about his feelings as well, but he wasn’t sure how, when her eyes were closing slowly but surely. This drowsy stage was only going to get worse. 

“Stay awake for me, okay?” Bucky grew worried at the sight of her. Earlier, she had been shaking violently in his arms and now she began to relax. He knew she was beginning to feel warm, which was a dangerous sign of hypothermia. “Y/N, please,” He tried to make her focus on his voice. 

 It was so cold, yet she felt a sense of warmth coming from deep within her body. It came suddenly and it was almost too hot. A part of her wanted to open her jacket, but she knew better than that. Although she felt warm, she knew it wasn’t true. Her temperature was dropping at a dangerous pace. Bucky’s body felt so soft, and she wanted to stay awake but it was so tempting to fall asleep. It was hard to think at this point. How much time had passed?

Ten minutes? Twenty? She had no idea. It was all becoming one big mess. 

Bucky was terrified of how calm she was. He had seen enough in one lifetime to recognize these symptoms. Hell, he had felt like her so many times before. He tried to stay as calm as he possibly could in this situation as he held her. He rubbed her hands so she could focus on the pattern and possibly stay distracted enough to stay awake. Bucky knew the ground was frozen cold, so he pulled her on his lap, making sure she was as warm as she possibly could be in that moment. 

“You’ll be alright,” he reassured both her and himself. Gently, Bucky placed a kiss on top of her head. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to her now. Not now, right after she had found the courage to express her feelings. Bucky was going to appreciate that. Once they were warm and safe, he was going to show her a good time. They would be happy. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea to catch feelings for each other, considering they worked together, but they could make it work. They understood each other better than any strangers ever would. It would all be alright. 

                      “Stay with me, doll,” Bucky’s voice was louder this time. It echoed in the otherwise almost empty room. “We’ll make it out of here, just you wait.”

She didn’t reply, and it made Bucky’s thoughts race. He had to keep her focused, “How about we go out after this? No missions, no cold, just us. It’ll be fun, right?” He realized he sounded desperate, but he didn’t care. He was going to say anything to keep her there. 

Although she heard his voice, she couldn’t bring herself to reply. It felt like her body was frozen still like that and moving would make her cold again. She just nodded her head ever so slightly as an answer, since she didn’t know what to say. Indeed, the thought of going out with him sounded fun. It was all she thought of as her mind began to drift away to a much warmer place. 

He would’ve yelled at the others to alert them of their position, but he knew better than that. There were guards out there. Yelling and making their positions clear would blow their cover. Bucky had to act like he didn’t know they were out there, although it pained him to do so. 

They would open that door any minute now…

“Come on now…” Bucky groaned as he grew restless, worry brewing in his gut like poison. He knew Y/N was breathing, which was a good sign but it wasn’t so comforting when the air around them grew colder and colder by the second. It reminded him of his past. He had been frozen like a piece of meat so many times, just so he could be thawed later and used to do terrible things.

The thought of her freezing to death crossed his mind. Bucky wasn’t stupid or oblivious. He believed the others would find them, but it would have to happen sooner than later. She might’ve been an Avenger, but the cold was merciless to anyone. 

Where on earth were the others? Were they okay? Or were they trapped in a similar frozen over hell too? 

                       Despite how heavy her eyelids felt, Y/N felt the strong need to open her eyes. She was exhausted, and a yawn was drawn from her mouth. As she opened her eyes, she noticed that she was on the quinjet. Her body was wrapped in an emergency foil blanket and she felt warm, yet she was shivering. As she looked around, she saw Bucky, who looked sick of worry. 

It all came back to her immediately. The cold room, how cold she had felt deep down to her bones, and the things she had told him. What happened then?

“What’s going on?” She made it clear that she was awake. Although she was embarrassed now that she knew Bucky knew of her feelings, she couldn’t stay quiet forever. 

Natasha sat by her other side, “You gave us a scare, that’s what’s going on,” She admitted. “We didn’t catch the bad guy, but we have their next location and another team is already on its way. We, on the other hand, are going home to keep you warm.” Natasha continued explaining softly, clearly feeling relieved when her friend woke up. Seeing her like that, frozen over and unconscious, was terrifying. 

“We’re glad you’re okay,” Steve said from the cockpit. No scolding from him? Must’ve been a miracle. 

Y/N felt guilty for making them worry. “I shouldn’t have let the door get closed in the first place,” She sighed deeply. Had the others seen the masked enemy? 

“That’s not on you,” Bucky was quick to argue with her guilty worries. He couldn’t let her dwell on it. 

As they faced each other, it felt like no one else was there. Did he remember what she had said? That was a silly thought, of course he did. 

Bucky was going to mention it to her once they were at the compound. Not now, when they were surrounded by the others. For now, he just put his hand on her shoulder and tried to comfort her. She was safe, and it felt like a ton of bricks were lifted off his shoulders. 

“Next time, I’ll keep my foot between the door so that won’t happen again,” She was sure of that. Although the odds of stepping into a trap like that again were slim, she was going to be prepared. 

“That might hurt your foot. Did you see that door? It was pure metal, ouch,” Sam imagined getting his foot stuck between a heavy door like that. 

It was exactly the type of thing he would say, and it didn’t fail to make her laugh. “Always so logical, Sam.”

“Someone has to be,” he teased her and his words came from a place of love. “We’re all just glad we found you when we did.” 

Bucky was glad too. When they had opened that door, he felt a sense of relief like never before. 

                                         They arrived at the compound safely, and everyone was worn out. Bucky had offered to help Y/N and she gladly accepted, for once. The rest seemed to catch the hint that they wanted privacy, so they didn’t stick around for too long. 

As they reached Y/N’s quarters, she immediately sat down on her bed. She was so tired and all she wanted was to sleep, but she knew she couldn’t. Not yet. Her body was still longing for warmth and her mind needed rest, which she would find by talking to Bucky. 

He was running her a bath so she could warm up. As he waited for the tub to fill up, they could talk. 

“How are you feeling?” He wondered, taking in the sight of her wrapped up in her blanket. 

“I’m okay,” She reassured him softly. Perhaps her limbs ached a little bit, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. 

He kept an eye on the bathtub to make sure it wouldn’t overflow. Then he faced her again. His heart was racing. How could he find the right words to mention what she had told him? 

“Do you want to talk about what I said?” Y/N was the first one to speak of it, to his relief. Was it so obvious that he was thinking of it? 

“Only if you feel like it”

She held onto the blanket tightly and stood up, walking closer to him. She had to go to the bathroom soon anyway to enjoy the lovely bath, but now she stopped so she was right in front of Bucky. His eyes never left her, and he looked curious. 

“I meant it,” Y/N confirmed it and took a deep breath. Being so open about her feelings was bizarre, almost frightening. But she felt confident because Bucky wanted to bring it up. Surely, that was a good sign, right? She searched his eyes for something that would ease her wild heart, or put an end to her worrisome thoughts. When she saw the hope and joy in his eyes, she wanted to melt on the spot. 

“Good,” Bucky couldn’t possibly hold back his smile anymore. Not only was he happy that she survived the ice box, he was ecstatic to hear that there was truth behind her drowsy words. 

“Oh?” She wondered if he’d say more than that. 

Bucky nervously put his hands on her cheeks, cupping her face gently as he looked deep into her eyes. “I was hoping you’d let me take you out someday. I think I promised you that earlier. Wasn’t sure if you heard me,” He felt oddly positive about it as he asked her out. Perhaps it was because he was almost sure that she would be delighted about it. There was no reason to worry or fear this anymore, and it felt great. 

Y/N couldn’t believe how lucky she was. Right now, she couldn't have cared less about the practicality of having such strong, romantic feelings for someone she worked with. This was Bucky, and he owned her heart. She nearly died earlier that day and all she could think about was him. Life was too short to ignore those feelings for much longer. 

“I’d love that,” She finally answered him. The look of pure joy on his face that followed was so wholesome. She wanted to kiss him. 

Before they could initiate anything, the sound of water splashing against the floor caught their attention. The tub was overflowing. 

“Fuck,” Bucky groaned and let go of her, rushing inside the bathroom to turn the water flow off. Y/N couldn’t help it when she let out of a laugh, one that was utterly precious to him. “That didn’t go as planned,” He sighed deeply. When he turned around, she was by his side and there was a look in her eyes he had never seen before. It was dark, mysterious and longing. 

Silently, she wrapped her arms over his shoulders and pulled him closer until their noses brushed against one another. It was long overdue, but it was finally happening.

Bucky closed his eyes and held her by the back of her head. Then he closed the gap between them and kissed her. Once their lips met, they were okay. It felt like a spark that ignited a great fire. Although her lips were still cold, Bucky knew they would be warm soon enough.

They parted the kiss, only for a moment, to look at each other. They were both in awe, and surely the kiss had wiped their thoughts clean. Nothing else mattered but that moment.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Y/N had to let him know. 

Bucky smiled, “so have I,” he murmured against her lips before sealing them into another one. And another one. And another… 

Author’s Note: I hope that you, the person reading this that made it this far, enjoyed it! You must know that fluff isn’t my forte, so I apologize if it’s cheesy at the end. Nevertheless, I would love to hear your feedback if you have any to share 💚 I’m definitely writing more Bucky stuff in the future. If you like angst, stick around. 

[linorangge]

Falling | Friends to Lovers ! Felix AU

You had always seen Felix as your adorable friend. Now for some reason after years of dormant feelings, you realize maybe you have a tiny, crush on him. (CW: cursing, slight angst.) Word Count: 1896 | Part 2

You’ve known Felix for a hot minute. You were best friends and you were actually his first friend when he got to Korea. You were special to him in many ways and he wouldn’t want anyone else as his best friend. On days he wasn’t studying or at the library being a hardworking student, he was hanging out with you.

Which is what he was doing at this very moment. You were both out buying ingredients for him to use so he could bake brownies for Chan’s birthday. He’d bake the brownies at your place later and then bring them to Chan’s dorm.

You watched as he picked up some eggs, opening them a little to check if any were cracked, before he put them in the cart you were pushing.

“Do you have flour?” He asked as he walked next to you.

“I think so, you should bring some just in case.” You said before abruptly stopping. He made a confused face before following your line of vision. Ice cream. You speed walked towards the refrigerated section and you reached up to grab the neapolitan ice cream.

You were too short to reach and you turned to Felix for help. A small smile crept onto his face as he walked up behind you and reached the ice cream for you. You turned, and realized you were incredibly close to him. Your breath hitched the slightest bit, and you found yourself admiring his face.

That day, on that particularly warm October afternoon, you realized you had a crush on your best friend. Your best friend Felix, who giggled at everything you did. Your best friend Felix, who would watch movies with you, and would do face masks at 3am with you and cuddle you platonically. Your best friend Felix who you’d put makeup on and who was comfortable enough with you to poop with the door open. Your best friend Felix who told you all his secrets and his every desire and ambition.

Your best friend Felix, who you now, undoubtedly, inevitably had a crush on.

You didn’t completely acknowledge this though. And you refused to in order to keep the friendship pure.

So after he put the ice cream in the cart and you paid for the ingredients and got in the car, you ignored the adrenaline that filled your veins every time you thought of that moment.

That moment that made you wonder what he would’ve done if you’d just leaned in a little more to kiss him.

“What are you so quiet for Y/n?” Felix asked as he gently nudged your shoulder.

You playfully rolled your eyes, “I’m just thinking.”

“You’re finally using your brain for once.” Felix teased as you pushed him playfully.

“Shut up I’m trying to drive.” You said swerving the car to scare him.

He let out a small scream, holding onto the cieling handle. “Oh my god, you’re gonna kill us.”

“Keep manifesting and it just might come true.” You said, swerving the car again, making him yell.

“Y/n do that one more time and I’ll never let you drive again.” Felix said holding onto anything he could for dear life.

“Really? Promise?” You looked at him and let go of the steering wheel.

Felix was now screaming, “Please Y/n keep driving, no- PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE WHEEL YOU IDIOT.”

You smirked at him before crossing your arms.

“Oh for fucks sake!” he grabbed the wheel himself before you put your hands back on the wheel.

He let out a sigh of relief.

“I hate you.” He said crossing his arms and turning his body towards the window.

His demeanor reminded you that of an angry girlfriend. When you got to your little apartment, he was still mad. He grabbed most of the groceries and went inside without a word. You followed after him in silence. As he walked in front of you, you realized his hair had gotten longer, and was almost long enough to put into a ponytail.

Lixie with a ponytail? A dream come true you’d say.

After you unlocked the door and let him in, he was still silent, as he took out the different ingredients and put them on the counter.

“You’re not really mad are you?” You said as you took the flour out of your pantry, considering you ended up not buying any.

He looked at you, his lips pressed into a thin line. Oh yeah, pixie lixie was annoyed.

He stayed quiet and shook his head before continuing to unpack what he’d bought.

You got closer to him and scratched under his chin, “Come onnn, you’re not really mad are you Lixie?”

Felix tried to keep his expression steady, but he quickly broke into a smile before leaning in to be nose to nose with you.

Your stomach turned, anticipating what would only ever occur in your dreams. He’d never kiss you.

“You know I could never be mad at you forever.” He leaned in closer for a moment, hesitating, before standing up straight.

You smiled nervously before grabbing your phone, “What music?”

Lixie took out some measuring cups as he thought carefully, “Sam Smith.” he finally answered.

You played Sam Smith’s earliest album before joining Felix in taking out utensils and ingredients. When you baked together, you didn’t talk much, mainly because Felix was too concentrated to say much.

When he did speak it was just him asking you to mix something or melt butter, or change the song. He’d sing along occasionally. You loved his voice when he sang, it was an effortless, sweet sound. You liked that he was comfortable enough to sing around you.

Soon, the brownies were baking and all that was left to do was wait. You and Felix settled onto your couch and turned on a movie after turning the music off.

“How old is Chan turning?” You asked turning to Felix.

“23 I think.”

“Oh he’s old compared to us.” You replied.

Felix laughed, a sound that made you feel warm and nervous. God were you whipped for this guy.

“He’s leaving soon to visit his family actually.”

Your eyes widened, “Really? You should go with him.”

Felix hesitated, “I don’t know, I feel like I’d be intruding.”

”Well you don’t have to stay with his family, you could take the plane together so neither of you would travel alone.”

He shrugged in response, it seemed like he didn’t want to talk about the subject much. You left the idea alone for the moment and decided it was better if you talked more about it later.

The timer went off and Felix stood to take the brownies out of the oven. You helped cut and divide them into squares before putting them into a small tupperware container.

“Can you help me wrap his gift?” You asked. Felix nodded in response and you asked him to take the wrapping paper out as you went to grab Chan’s gift.

You went into your room and took out a sealed cologne before making your way back to the kitchen.  

“Fancy,” Felix said as he eyed the box.

“You think he’ll like it?” You asked as you laid out the wrapping paper.

“Of course, he’ll like anything you give him.” He said, sounding a tad bit annoyed.

You turned to him, taken aback a bit, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He waved you away before putting the box in the middle of the wrapping paper before cutting it. He wrapped the box for you as you watched in silence.

What did he even mean by that? Chan wouldn’t have a crush on you right? Even if he did, you weren’t interested, you were too busy trying to figure out how to deal with your feelings towards Felix.

After he wrapped the gift, you both made your way back outside to your car. Felix drove considering he didn’t trust you, and he knew the way to Chan’s dorm.

He let the radio play as you both sat in silence.

The drive to Chan’s dorm was short lived but nonetheless, there was a sort of tension you couldn’t put your finger on. Felix had been especially quiet today, and you came to realize he wasn’t usually like this. You were worried for his well being, and what exactly was pestering his thoughts so much.

You got out of the car in silence, your gift in hand and Felix with his brownies.

“Is he on the east or west side?” You asked as you walked down the sidewalk.

“West, so he’s a bit closer to us.” He replied. You nodded in response and you continued your walk in silence. Soon, you were at Chan’s door, knocking.

You heard a muffled, “Coming!” along with footsteps. The doorknob shook a little before the door opened to reveal chan in a muscle shirt. He looked surprised to see the both of you.

“Hey guys, I wasn’t expecting you until later.” He said as he widened the door to let you in.

You walked inside and handed him the gift, “Happy birthday Chan.” You gave him a warm smile. He smiled back at you, his dimples seeing light.

“Thanks y/n,” He took the gift and closed the door behind Felix. Felix walked further into the dorm to set the brownies on the coffee table as you and Chan talked about cakes and birthday parties.

Meanwhile, Felix was a bit grumpy, despite it being one of his closest friend’s birthdays. Chan sat next to Felix as you continued your conversation. Felix wasn’t listening though, his grumpiness wasn't justified and even he questioned his sour mood. You hadn’t noticed the change in his demeanor yet, and that somehow fueled his attitude. When you had noticed though, it was because he’d scoffed at something you’d said.

Chan had lost your full attention, and now you realized Felix’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed. This surprised you considering Felix was almost never angry or sad. You understood that maybe perhaps the reason behind his mood was far deeper than you would’ve anticipated. Eventually, Chan left for the bathroom, leaving Felix and you alone.

“What’s wrong?” You asked scooting closer toward your friend.

He shook his head and looked at his hands.

“Lixie.” You used this nickname to your advantage, specifically the few times he wasn’t in a good mood.

He looked at you, “I should be happy, it’s Chan’s birthday, but I don't know.” A small frown formed on his adorable face. You sighed and held your arms out. He looked at you before closing the gap and hugging you. He rested his cheek on your shoulder as you rubbed his back

“Sometimes you just have an off day, and that’s okay.” You said.

“You’re right.” He mumbled.

You stayed like that for a moment before you tapped his back to gesture for him to raise his head. You stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before you cupped his cheek. You rubbed your thumb over his freckled cheek before giving him a kiss on his forehead.

“I love you Lixie.”

“I love you too Y/n.”

And this time when he said it, you felt different. Your ears burned red and your heart fluttered. For a moment, you let yourself imagine what it would’ve been like if you’d perhaps kissed him.

[evandearest]

The Garden of Eden | Part II: Reflection

Pairing: James March x reader (you) |  ~Part: (2/4)~

Summary (Part Two): When memories are all that clouds your vision, how do you begin to break cycles and live in the present? Can you overcome your irrational fear when paradise is only a memory of long ago? Living through hell can make or break you.

Warnings (in this part): Slight PTSD, that’s all I would say.

Word count: 3,586

Notes: I’m so excited to be posting this! This part is quite a bit longer than the last one. I absolutely loved writing it though! Be on the lookout for many metaphors, biblical references, and *reflective* events. This part is complex in many ways, and a lot of things tie into one another. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it!!

Also a side note, if you’d like to be on the tag list for this series just let me know!

Tag List: @etoile-writings @haileyybird @ietss

An odd feeling settled upon you as rays of sunlight blinded your eyes. Something wasn’t right. You couldn’t exactly pin it down, but all you knew was that you felt calm. Calm was not a part of you, as much as you portrayed to others that it was. Spending nearly ten years with a man you didn’t trust could do that to you.

The bed underneath you was soft, the scent in the air surrounding you lavender. You wondered for a moment where you were, your heart jumping as your eyes glanced around you frantically. That’s when you remembered: you were in James’ hotel. James’.

Your nerves lessened when you thought about James, a small smile curling your lips. As soon as you had arrived at the hotel, he insisted that you get a room to yourself to get the best rest possible. He’d even sent his maid to give you a basket of everything lavender to help you sleep: candles, essential oils, soap. He practically spoiled you the minute you arrived. You couldn’t deny how good it felt, though. You felt like a queen.

You sat up in bed, wondering where the man pervading your thoughts was. You glanced at your side table, noticing the vase of white roses immediately. When had those gotten there? The tiny card leaning against the vase caught your attention in particular. You reached for it and opened it. The small note was in James’ neat handwriting, reading:

“Good morning, darling. Gather yourself and meet me in the lounge. I do hope my accommodations suited you. Yours truly, JPM.”

You smiled, your curiosity spiraling at the thought of what he had planned for you. You quickly jumped out of the bed, going to the bathroom to get ready. You noticed immediately of all the things in this bathroom that weren’t normally in hotel bathrooms. There were tons of beauty items for women that most men don’t even know exist. You knew it was James. He was so thoughtful, giving you anything you could possibly need and more. James had taken the time to be sure you had everything. Your heart fluttered at the thought, excitement settling within you. James really did have everything, and now you had James. You knew it was going to take a long while before you were used to this luxurious treatment, but you weren’t complaining. You’d dreamed of living this kind of life since you were merely a child.

Once you had showered, gotten dressed, and did your hair and makeup, you were ready. You smiled at your reflection. James had picked the most fashionable clothing to put in your closet, and you simply loved having a reason to dress up in general. But it wasn’t even about you, in reality. You wanted James to see how much you appreciated everything he was doing, so you were going to make sure that you put all he gave you to use. It was all for James. You were going to spend every second doing as much as you could for him. He had saved you, after all. You couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if James hadn’t arrived when he did. That was the worst argument that you and Robert had ever had.

You scolded yourself for thinking of Robert. You needed to focus on now, on the new life you were beginning. You couldn’t just shake it off, though. You still felt the need to be vigilant, to walk on egg shells. You sighed. You didn’t want to be in a bad mood today, of all days. James needed to see how much you appreciated and cared for him. You took a deep breath. Just focus on now, you told yourself, before taking one last look at your reflection.

When you entered the lobby, you were surprised to be greeted immediately by James’ maid, Miss Evers.

“Right this way, Ms. Y/L/N,” the woman smiled, gesturing with her arm for you to follow. She made her way up the stairs, you following behind curiously. It was as if she was escorting you somewhere. Your questions weren’t left unanswered for long, however, as you found your answer at the top of the stairs.

The entire bar was empty, which seemed odd compared to it’s usually bustling atmosphere. The dining area was decorated to the brim with white roses, all surrounding a table in which had plates full of fruit, pancakes, eggs, and many other breakfast foods. You gasped quietly at the extravagance as your eyes landed on James, who stood in front of it all, hands clasped together politely as he awaited you. He smiled at the sight of you.

“Hello, darling,” he greeted, walking over and offering an arm to you. You stared at him in disbelief for a moment, a wave of déjà vu coursing through you. 

You remember you were so excited. Los Angeles was a gorgeous city in it’s own, and you felt so lucky to have been born in a city in which held so much opportunity. You were merely fourteen; barely old enough to even think for yourself, but you’d always been smart. Your mother had assured you of that since you were born, always putting your education above all else. She’d told you, “One day when all the distractions of young age are gone, you’ll realize why you need to be prepared.” You hadn’t understood why then, but the words had always stuck with you. It was one of the first times that she had trusted you on your own. Most of the time, she had always put her fear for your safety first, but on that day she had given in to your pleas.

She had let you walk to the garden of white roses, three blocks down, by yourself. When you thought about it now, you realized just how defining that moment of your life was, because what happened when you got to that garden had changed your life forever.

White roses had always been your favorite flower, ever since you had first passed that blooming Southern California garden at three years old. The owner was a tiny sweet elder lady, gracious and elegant as ever. She had owned the garden her entire life; it was her pride and joy. She’d always welcomed polite visitors, and if she caught you, she’d tell you all about the flowers, and how special they were. She said that they had brought to her all of the pleasantries that her life held; love, wealth, and even an eternal feeling of youth. That’s why she never picked or sold them, she said; “if you betray the rose, the rose no longer profits you.” Some people said that she was a witch; you just thought she was sweet, maybe a little kooky, but nice nonetheless. You had grown to look up to her.

When you had arrived at the rose garden on that day, however, you were greeted with a new presence foreign to you. The boy stood as still as a statue, his eyes raking over his surroundings. Based upon his height and physical appearance, you had assumed that he was about the same age as you. You watched him as he picked a rose from the bush, bringing it up to his nose to smell. You approached him quietly.

“If Mrs. Smith knew you picked one of her flowers, she’d claim treason,” you said, catching the boy’s attention. He looked at you in bewilderment.

“Where did you come from?” he asked quietly. “I didn’t hear you.”

“I’m sneaky,” you said jokingly with a teasing smile. He blinked, his confusion still evident. “But seriously,” you continued, “you better hope she doesn’t see you. She doesn’t like people who disturb her flowers. In fact, she’d probably curse you.” At that, the boy smirked.

“Is she a witch?” he asked, his eyes sparkling.

“Some people think so,” you replied, walking closer to him. “If you ask me, I think people should listen to her. She’s very intelligent.” You nudged his side, watching him to gouge his reaction. He raised his eyebrows, watching you carefully.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, for one, she’s ancient. That gives her some credits. For another, she grew this garden, and she’s experienced much more than most people. You should hear her stories.” You smiled as you plucked the rose from the boy’s hand and twirled it between your fingers, admiring it.

“She sounds fascinating.”

“She is.” After a moment of silence, you looked up at him, only to catch his eyes. You smiled shyly, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“James March,” the boy said, offering his hand to you.

“Y/F/N Y/L/N,” you introduced yourself in return, smiling up at him.

There was another moment of silence, the both of you just staring at one another. James suddenly took the rose from you again. He pulled a knife from his pocket, your heart stuttering slightly at the sight of it. But James didn’t try to harm you, he simply chopped the stem of the rose off. His hand came up to your face as you smiled nervously at him.

“I think your wrong,” he said, tucking the rose in your hair behind your ear. He stepped back, smiling softly at you. “See? Sometimes even dying flowers can serve a beautiful purpose. It’s a sacrifice. Sacrifices aren’t evil.” You paused, a shy blush forming on your cheeks at his actions.

“I never thought of it that way,” you whispered, reaching up to tuck the rose more firmly behind your ear. You smiled at James, a weird feeling you’d never felt before settling upon you. His simple action and thoughtful words had made you excited in a way you’d never known. It had created a spark; a strong urge inside of you that was almost indescribable. And as you looked in his eyes, you wanted nothing more than to relive that feeling over and over again. You swore you’d never let him go.

Suddenly, you were looking at his face again, but this time much older.

“Darling, are you alright?” James asked, and you blinked quickly, your focus shifting present.

“Yes,” you said, your eyebrows furrowing slightly as you realized just how deep into the memory you had been. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s quite alright, dear,” he said, studying you. “Are you sure you feel pleasant? You were quite far gone, I called your name several times. Did you rest well?”

“Yes, of course,” you said quickly, reaching out to clasp his hand tightly as you smiled reassuringly. “I promise. You just surprised me, is all.” James nodded, seeming fairly convinced, before smiling and gesturing towards the table.

“Alright darling, well why don’t you sit and eat something. A proper meal should do just the trick.” You smiled and nodded back at him, moving to sit in your chair that he pulled out for you. Once you were situated, James moved to sit across from you at the other end of the table.

“I wasn’t sure what you enjoyed most, so I instructed Miss Evers to make several morning dishes,” he said, grinning at you. “I hope it’s suiting for you.”

“Of course,” you said, placing a few items on your plate. A few minutes passed as you ate, your mind drifting back to last night’s events in the silence.

“Are you happy, my love?” James suddenly asked, snapping you out of your thoughts once again.

“Yes,” you replied quickly, smiling at him sincerely, “yes of course!” You could tell from the look of concern still on James’ face that he wasn’t convinced. You sighed, deciding to just be honest with him. “I just... it’s difficult to process how my life just changed.” You paused, watching James closely for a reaction. He stared, waiting for you to elaborate, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “I’ve been alone for so long, living a horrible, unhappy life. I’m happy now, with you, but I can’t just turn that feeling off, that feeling that this moment is fleeting. It-- it terrifies me...” You trailed off, your mind wondering as you stared at the roses around you. The roses that James decided to decorate your breakfast with. The roses that had ultimately brought you together in the first place. The roses that James kept bringing around for you. Your roses. You turned your attention back to James, your eyes meeting his.

“These flowers, why did you pick them?” you asked him seriously. A look of confusion clouded James’ expression.

“Well,” James started, “I suppose they have some semblance to us, darling... these were the very flowers--”

“Of course, I remember...” you trailed off, thinking of what to say next. “But really, there has to be more to it...” It came out as more of a question than a statement. You just didn’t understand why he was bringing up all of these memories.

“Of course, dear,” James said, sighing. He looked you in the eyes, and you could see the sincerity there. “I knew you wouldn’t recover in a day, a week, a month, even a year...” he paused, his eyes downcast at the tablecloth. “I just hoped that by reminding you of what we can be once again will help you settle. My only wish is to make you happy...” he paused again, his eyes shifting back up to meet yours. This time you were met with certainty. “I want to take us back to that time. To that garden. To when we flourished the most even if the rest of the world was, well...”

“Hell. The rest of the world was hell,” you finished for him, your eyes teary at his sweet sentiment. James, however, faltered slightly at your words. You paused, taking note of the way he cringed at the mention of hell, before you reached to grab his hand, squeezing it tightly, lovingly. “Thank you James.” Your voice held so much emotion, and at that, James stood before walking over to you and pulling you out of your chair and into his embrace.

“Darling,” James whispered into your hair. You hummed in response, burying your face into his chest, breathing in his manly scent. You clasped onto him tightly. “Whatever may happen, I promise I will never let you slip from my grasp ever again... you shall never be afraid again. I would give everything away just for your happiness. You inform me and I will have it done for you, whatever you may need.” It was a firm promise, and you knew he meant it. James didn’t make empty promises. Your chest felt as if it might explode with love and adoration for this man. He really did want to give you the world. He really was your heaven... your God.

-♥-

After you had finished breakfast, James had insisted that he take you on a tour of the Cortez, and you weren’t going to turn him down. It was his pride and joy, and regardless, it was the most gorgeous place you had ever stepped foot into. You were nearly finished, with only two more floors to explore, when James started acting strange.

“James, what’s wrong?” you asked, placing your hand on his arm. He grimaced before looking at you nervously.

“Well, you see...” he trailed off for a moment, his voice hesitant. You began to get concerned. “These floors are still under slight renovation...” You giggled at his words.

“James,” you said sweetly, “it’s okay, I’m not afraid of a little dirt.”

“Well, no, that’s-”

“I’m serious,” you interrupted, giggling once again. The elevator dinged as you reached your destination. You smiled before taking his hand and leading him out. He sighed, still looking standoffish.

James had been telling the truth; there was a particular section of the hallway in which there was a wall being built, but it was small. You didn’t understand what he was so nervous about.

Suddenly, a loud shout rang out through the hallway, causing both you and James to flinch in surprise. There was a sound of commotion and James quickly walked towards the scene; you following closely behind him.

“What’s the issue?” James demanded someone standing at the back of the gathering crowd of men. There was a sound of someone groaning in pain. You stood at a distance away, more interested in the small white rose twirling between your fingers.

“One of the construction workers collapsed, sir,” the man informed him. At this point you’d lost interest, zoning in on the pretty rose in your hands. James barked a few orders at the men, but you weren’t really paying attention.

You looked up as James returned to you.

“I apologize for the interruption,” James said, obviously irritated.

“What’s the problem?” you asked, confused.

He paused, looking at you softly, “I thought that may have worried you.”

“Men get hurt all the time,” you said passively.

“Of course...” James trailed off, looking slightly confused, which made you confused. What did you do? Were you supposed to be worried? You brushed it off, smiling at him expectantly.

“Ready to continue with the tour?” you asked him, turning your back on him. You began walking back down the hall, glancing behind to see James following you. You rounded the corner, only to run into someone unexpectedly.

You stumbled backwards, nearly tripping. Luckily James stabled you before you hit the ground. You looked up, your eyes landing on a beautiful blonde woman. You paused, studying her, before a realization dawned upon you. You’d seen this woman before.

You remember her distinctly, for she was the person who had ultimately made you lose all hope. James’ wife, Elizabeth. You’d seen her all that time ago when you had first tried to escape your husband. She’s the woman that had made you believe James didn’t love you anymore.

When James had come back for you, you’d assumed that his relationship with her had failed. So why was she here?

“Why, hello,” the woman said, glancing between you and James, a weird grin on her face. She looked at James. “And who might this lovely lady be?”

You turned to look at James, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. James’ jaw was clenched as he stared at Elizabeth, and right there and then you knew he didn’t like her.

“It’s okay, James,” she purred, her smirk never leaving. “I’m not offended. We both knew it was never going to work.” She turned to you. “You must be Y/N. I’m Countess Elizabeth.” She offered a hand to you, and you took it gracefully. James was disturbingly quiet beside you. You decided to take the ropes.

“Yes, that’s correct,” you replied smoothly.

“What’s all the commotion down the hall?” Elizabeth asked curiously. You could tell that she had some kind of ulterior motive, otherwise she would have moved on.

“Nothing important,” you replied nonchalantly. It was the truth. You didn’t feel the need to be competitive with this woman anymore; you knew who James stood by, and you trusted him. You turned to him, intertwining your arms together. “James here was just giving me a tour. I hope you don’t mind?” You smiled politely at Elizabeth. She paused, her expression one of slight surprise. It seemed to be a strange look on her.

“Of course not,” she said through tight lips. “You two have fun.” You smiled at her kindly once more, before you and James continued on, arm in arm.

Once in private in the elevator, James turned to you.

“I have to say,” James said, smiling at you, “you handled that well. You do know that Elizabeth was... shall I say, challenging you?”

“I know,” you said, smiling at him reassuringly. “But that’s the thing: she was the one challenging me. Obviously she thought she had something to fight for. I know what’s mine.” James expression morphed into one of surprise, and then pride.

“Of course you do, dear,” he said, smiling down at you. He leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss. The kiss was loving and at the same time slightly rough. You loved how James could make you feel like this; so powerful. After a heated moment, he pulled away.

“Darling, despite your present confidence in the matter,” he began, “I’d like you to know that regardless of Elizabeth and I’s history, she will never compare to your glamour. You truly are a revelation like no other.”

You smiled once more at his words, thinking back to that day in the garden once more, and to your mother’s words. The feeling you had now was a reflection of the feeling you had then. He’d always made you feel so incredibly self-assured. You felt like no matter what happened to you and James, nothing could break you at this point and time. And your mother had been right: gaining the knowledge was important.

Now that you’d ate the fruit of the garden and survived hell, what could possibly stop you?

You felt invincible, so long as he was by your side. You no longer feared the past or the future; you were completely centered present, all cycles broken. And it had took James less than a day to make you feel this way. Your excitement soared as you thought about your future with James. You knew that so long as you had him, you were unstoppable together. You were gods.

You didn’t need the garden, after all. Paradise lost stood no match to you, because with James, you could survive anything.

---

Series Masterlist: The Garden of Eden Series

Main Masterlist

[melancholydreadfuldream]

wonders lost and wounded

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 10th Doctor x Reader 

Summary: The Doctor has lost so much and he has gotten a bit dark but will you still stay with him or leave?

  Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes, dark!doctor, manipulation, death, etc. You have been warned.

 More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this.

    The Doctor sighed in relief and disbelief as he realized he is still alive. He chuckled. "I'm still alive." Maybe the prophecy is wrong after all, he thought.

  He turned to you who were knocked unconscious on the floor a few feet away from him. He crawled toward you to check you for injuries. He is relieved knowing you are fine too.

  You slowly woke up under his touches. "D-doctor..." You whispered groggily.

  The Doctor grinned at you. "We are alive." He said and pulled you into a hug.

  You were surprised at his sudden show of affection but you were not complaining. You knew about the prophecy, he had told you before about the four knocks. You both thought it was about the Master.

  You smiled at him too, relieved, thinking he is able to cheat the prophecy.

  He chuckled again until four sharp knocks were heard. The dread you both felt was so great as you both turned around slowly and saw Wilfred, trapped in the radiation booth. 

  And the Doctor knew then, he still trapped to fulfill the prophecy of his death.

  You knew what will happened next. You thought the Doctor will have to sacrifice himself to save Wilfred.

  You listened numbly as the Doctor explained the situation to Donna's beloved grandfather.

  "Can't you just open the door?" Wilfred asked.

  "The Master left the nuclear bot running and it's gone into overload."

  "That's bad, is it?"

  "No cos all the excess radiation gets vented inside there. Vinvocci glass. Contains it. All 500.000 rads about to flood that thing."

  "Well better let me out then yeah?" Wilfred said with a chuckle.

  The Doctor doesn't laugh. "Except it's gone critical. Touch one control and it floods." He pulled his sonic screwdriver. "Even this would set it off."

  "I'm sorry." Wilfred looked a bit scared but also resigned.

  "You had to go and get stuck. Cos that's who you are, Wilfred. You were always this. Waiting for me all this time." The Doctor said calmy but you could sense the rage and despair in his voice.

  "Oh really just leave me. I'm an old man, Doctor, I've had my time." Wilfred said softly.

  "Well, exactly look at you. Not remotely important." The Doctor said in such a ruthless tone.

  You stared at him in disbelief. You knew he is working on the acceptance of his upcoming death but his words are cruel. You didn't say anything though. You wanted to comfort him but you got the sense he will refuse any comfort right now.

  "But me...I could do so much more. So much more! But this is what I get. My reward." The Doctor raged at the world. "And it's not fair!!"

  You flinched when he threw some stuff on the floor in his anger. Your heart ached for the Doctor. You wish you could do something, anything to help him at this moment.

  You know you could choose to sacrifice yourself in his place but you were too afraid. You can't judge him for wanting to live. He is right. He deserve to live longer. But he need to save Wilfred. The Doctor will die but he will regenerate, you know this.

  "I don't accept it."

  You turned to look at the Doctor at what he said.

  The Doctor's words chilled you to the bone. He sounded so cold. "I'm sorry, Wilfred, I'm so sorry." He said. "I refused to die here."

  "Doctor..." You whispered his name. You didn't know what to say, too horrified at the thought that he is willing to let Wilfred die.

 The Doctor didn't even look at you. He still staring at Wilfred with a dispassionate look.

  Wilfred glanced at the Doctor and nodded his acceptance.

  "No." You said. "Doctor, you can't just let him die. He is Donna's grandfather." You grabbed his arms, pleading at him. "There has to be a way."

  "There is no other way. Would you rather I die instead, (name)?" The Doctor asked you insensitively.

  "That's not fair. I would never wish for your death, you know this." You answered with tears on your eyes. "But, Wilfred..."

  "It's okay, (name)." Wilfred said. "I have lived a good life. I am old. Sooner later I will die."

  "Not like this." You said to him. "Not like this." You turned to the Doctor. "Donna would never forgive you if she know..." You knew it was cruel to bring up Donna but you just wanted the Doctor to snap out of whatever the state he is in. He frightened you. He sounded like the Time Lord Victorious back at Mars.

  The Doctor flinched. He turned and glared at you. "Then, it's a good thing that she will never know."

  "Doctor, please, you are scaring me..." You begged him.

  He won't budge from his position and you didn't know what it is you are trying to make him do. You wanted him to save Wilfred but you didn't want him to die either. So, what are you going to do now?

  You couldn't think straight as you made your way toward the booth but before you could reach it, the Doctor grabbed your arms roughly. 

  "Don't even think about it." He hissed at you. "You can't regenerate. You will die."

  You turned to him, tears in your eyes. You didn't want to die either, part of you is relieved he stopped you but all you know is you can't let Wilfred die here, certainly not because the Doctor choose not to save him.

  "Doctor, you can't just let him die..."

  "I can't always save everyone." He said callously.

  You flinched.

  "It's okay, (name), it's alright." Wilfred said comfortingly at you.

  The Doctor pulled you away from the booth. You didn't stop looking at Wilfred. He is still smiling gently as he resigned to his fate. You turned toward the Doctor and blanched at how unfeeling he seemed as he stared at Wilfred.

  7777

  The Doctor has dragged you back into his Tardis. 

  He had done it. He cheated death, he broke the prophecy. He will live on. He is victorious.

  The Doctor smiled.

  You couldn't believe your eyes. How could he be smiling like this after he let someone he close to die? 

  You were still shaking and in shock after leaving Wilfred to his death. You wiped your tears and you turned away from the console room and back into your room aboard the Tardis.

  You sat on the floor, hugging your knees. You didn't know how long you were on the floor. You couldn't think straight.

  7777

  You first joined the Doctor in his current incarnation. He was traveling with Rose at the time. He invited you to travel with him and Rose. Rose never like you, thinking you were her competition. You did started having feeling for the Doctor but you could tell he loves Rose so you never tried anything with him. 

  You stayed with him even after he lost Rose. But you were never good enough for him. At long night when he especially missed Rose, he would glance at you and you could tell what he was thinking. Why you? Why can't Rose be the one who gets to stay by his side?

  He would feel guilty when he saw your hurt look but he never apologies.

  You were grateful when Martha joined the Tardis. You got along well with Martha. You and Martha were both miserable with the love you both felt for the Time Lord. You bonded with the fact the Doctor always compare you both with the awesomeness that is Rose Tyler.

  It surprised you at all that John Smith ended up falling in love with you during the period of hiding from the family of blood. Oh it was hard for you to fend off John's affection for you. You couldn't bear the thought that when John disappeared, the Doctor will remember everything he did as John. You were mortified, especially knowing his true feeling for Rose.

  However John is very persistent in wanting to court you and he is so adorably awkward about it. If thing is different, if John is just a simple human, you could see yourself falling in love with his charm. But you know better. Or at least, you should have.

  And yet despite knowing this, you ended up accepting his courting. Martha supported you albeit a bit bitter about it. You can't blame her for you would be too in her place.

  John would always smile at you whenever he saw you, offer his arm as he took you out on a stroll into town. He shared with you his weird dream and his journal. That made you felt guilt because you know the truth about his real identity. You saw his drawing of Rose. Even as a human, this version of the Doctor is still fascinated with the idea of Rose.

  He draws your picture in his journal and he was very good at it. You thought he have made you too beautiful and told him so. He had said that is how he see you. 

  And you realized he did see you when the Doctor himself didn't. You both shared a look and he kissed you.

  If it's not for Martha's interference, you would have been sweep away by your passion for John. You felt bad for Martha when John shouted at her for not knocking before entering his room. 

  You tried to leave despite John's insistence to stay. "This is a mistake." You said without thinking.

  John looked hurt. But it was the truth. You shouldn't have let him kiss you or kissed him back in return. You were ashamed that you have no self-control.

  He tried to stop you from leaving but you were a coward as you ran out of his embrace.

  You hated yourself for being so weak, for easily falling in love with John just for his show of affection of you, even knowing full well that he has an expired date. What were you thinking? Stupid!

  You talked to Martha about it. You apologized to her for everything she has to endure in this period and for having John's heart. Martha, brave-heart Martha, never blame you and she understood you. You were grateful for her friendship.

  When the family of blood attacked, John were attending dance party with Joan, the matron who have her eyes on John ever since the first time they met. You thought he did that on purpose to make you jealous, to hurt you as you have hurt him when you rejected him. 

  You and Martha raced against time to find the pocket watch containing Doctor's time lord consciousness. You and Martha had to convinced John to open the watch but he refused to do so even after you both explained everything about the Doctor and his current enemy.

  John glanced at you mournfully. "Did you love him, this Doctor?"

  You didn't know how to answer him. You wanted to lie but you found you couldn't lie to him. "I love him."

  "And did he love you back?"

  Your heart ached at the question. You shook your head. 

  "Then how can I return to be him when he didn't even love you?"

  "John..."

  "I don't want to go..." He whispered brokenly. "Why can't I stay?"

  You pulled him into your embrace. Tears filled your eyes as your heart ached for this man, John Smith. 

  "Promise me something, (name)." John whispered to you. "If this man, this Doctor, would never love you back, promise me you won't stay with him. You deserved someone who loved you back. You find that person. Can you do that?"

  You glanced up at him. You hesitantly nodded. You didn't know if you could keep your promise but you made that promise anyway.

  After he returned back into the Doctor, you noticed he started treating you a bit differently. Martha said she caught him staring at you a few times. You believed it was a remnant of John's feeling for you and yet it still not enough for the Doctor to do something about it. So you both tried to ignore the elephant in the room. But Martha is right though, you kept catching him giving you a look. You wondered if he remembered the promise you made to John and whether you would ever act on it.

  You lost the only family you have left in the world during your travel with the Doctor. You didn't even get to say goodbye. You were devastated. The Doctor and Martha were thankfully there for you. The Doctor granted you a chance to say goodbye to your mother and you were eternally grateful to him and his Tardis.

  Afterward you needed a break from the Tardis but you made the Doctor promised to come back for you when you are ready. You reunited again with them on Valiant when the Master arranged his people to kidnap you. It was painful year for everyone involved. You were so glad when the Doctor and Martha defeated the Master and time is reset.

  Martha left the Tardis after the fiasco with the Master. She warned you not to put your life on hold for the Doctor. You wished you could take her advice but maybe you are still one sick puppy for you let yourself burn over and over again for him.

  The Doctor invited Donna to join you both. You got along with Donna. You love how she took no nonsense from the Doctor. You remembered your first meeting with her in her wedding dress. She never stop yelling or slapping the Doctor. It was funny. You thought Donna is exactly the kind of companion the Doctor needs. You loved watching the two exchanged banters, it was very entertaining.

  You thought you could keep your feeling for the Doctor under wrap but Donna noticed it. Despite her teasing and support, you refused to act on her crude advice regarding the Doctor.

  Then Rose returned. She always is possessive of the Doctor. She doesn't like that you were still there with the Doctor. She is afraid that you will take her place in the Doctor's hearts. She really need not to worry for you know the Doctor only has eyes for one Rose Tyler. You could never compete with her.

  With Rose returned, you know it was time to take Martha's advice and keep your promise to John about leaving the Doctor for good. At least that is your plan until everything fall apart around you. The Doctor once again stranded Rose in the bad wolf bay and gifting her a gift of a life with Metacrisis Doctor. Then, he had to erase Donna's memories of everything pertaining the Doctor. 

  You can't leave him now. You can't let him be alone. He is the loneliest man in the universe and you wish to ease his loneliness even for just a bit. So you stayed for him.

  The Doctor treated you differently now. He is more affectionate with you. You were confused and you couldn't help the hope rising in your heart even though you knew he is just using you. You found you didn't mind. How pathetic you can be? So hungry for his affection that you would be anything he want.

  He frightened you though during a trip to the Mars. At first he insisted to leave for he doesn't want to mess with a fixed point in time. But he changed his mind when he saved some of the crews' lives. You were properly scared when he proclaimed himself the Time Lord Victorious. You thought he snapped out of it when Adelaide committed suicide to keep the timeline in tact. 

  Now with what happening with Wilfred, you have to wonder if he is still the Time Lord Victorious.

  7777

  You felt guilty. You knew it was out of your control and yet you still felt guilty anyway. You had nightmare about Wilfred. You couldn't stop shaking every time you woke up in cold sweat.

  The Doctor acted as if nothing has changed, grinning at you and talking about the next trip he planned for the both of you.

  You couldn't stand it so you asked to be taken home even though there is nothing for you at home. You needed a break from the Doctor so that you can sort out your mind.

  A dark expression crossed his feature immediately, making you winced as you took unconscious step back away from him.

  "Okay." He said solemnly.

  You blinked in surprise and confusion. You glanced at him, wondering if your mind just played a trick on you earlier.

  He smiled at you and talked you about giving it a few days for him to prepare a last hurrah for you. 

  You couldn't refuse when you watched how excited the Doctor as he was planning that last hurrah thing.

  7777

  True to his words, he planned a very exciting trip for you. You had a lot of fun that day. You laughed along with the Doctor. He would grab your hands tightly as he made you run as he showed you the wonder of the universe.

  He glanced at you fondly, grinning boyishly. You love the sound of his laughter. 

  And then he kissed you.

  You were stunned.

  He cupped your face gently, pulling your chin up as he continues kissing you.

  "Doctor, what are you doing?" You asked in hurt tone.

  He glanced down at you, putting his forehead over yours and let out a soft sigh. "Can't you tell?"

  "Are you trying to stop me from leaving by doing this? Kissing me?"

  "I don't want you to go." The Doctor whispered in your ear. "Stay with me?" He is distracting you with kisses on the neck.

  "Doctor, I..."

  Your mind short-circuits when he kissed you again.

  And so, you give in to him the next time he asked you to stay.

  7777

  Ever since that day, your relationship with the Doctor changed. He kissed you a lot, not that you are complaining, you just still not sure whether you were a couple or not. You were too afraid to make confirmation though. So, yeah, you did indeed stay with him again. 

  He was smiling and grinning a lot and still talked really fast over everything like over excited puppy. The dark look that alarmed you before never made appearance again until Jackson Lake.

  The Doctor took you to London on Christmas Eve in 1851 where you encountered a man that the Doctor thought to be his future regeneration. Soon the both of you are pulled into the cybermen fiasco where the Doctor learn the man he met is not a future version of himself. His name is Jackson Lake. His mind got infused with cybermen infostamp which made him believe he is the Doctor.

  It was there you once again saw the Time Lord Victorious. He let Jackson Lake fell into the time vortex along with the cybermen. He didn't even bother to try to save him.

  You confronted him about it much to his displeasure.

  "I can't always save everyone. You know this."

  You couldn't believe him. You knew he could have; he just chooses not to. "Is this who you are from now on, Doctor? You would just let people die."

  "I did the best I can do in the situation."

  "Yeah? And will one day you would do that to me too? Someday you will just choose not to save me?" 

  He glared at you as he moved toward you, causing you to flinch in fear. You thought he would hit you. He trapped you instead between him and the wall.

  The Doctor cupped your cheeks with his hands. "I will always do everything in my power to save you, (name)."

  You were stunned to see the sorrow in his eyes.

  7777

  There were times that you wanted to leave the Doctor but then he will do something that made you feel too guilty to ever leave him behind. So, you never did leave him.

  You and the Doctor ended up in Leadworth where you met Amy Pond while the Doctor deals with Prisoner Zero and the Atraxi. 

  Amy told you she has a message for you from her raggedy Doctor. You were confused. She took you to her house to her bedroom and told you to touch the crack on her wall.

  You were hesitant at first but you eventually did.

  You found yourself in some white space and you saw a man who Amy claimed is the raggedy Doctor.

  The man smiled at you fondly. "(name)..."

  "Who are you?"

  "I'm the Doctor."

  "But you can't be."

  "Well, I was supposed to be the Doctor until he, your Doctor, changed his path." He said. 

  Suddenly the surrounding around you changed into the time where the Doctor were still with Wilfred, only this time you saw the Doctor walked inside the booth, allowing Wilfred to survive another day. You watched in tears as the Doctor made his goodbyes trip and his heart-breaking final words which reminded you of John. Then he regenerated into the man you saw, the so-called raggedy Doctor.

  You blinked suddenly when you realized you weren't with the Doctor in these visions. "Where am I? Why am I not with you?"

  The Doctor looked so sad. "Oh, (name), remember Mars?"

  You nodded hesitantly.

  "Do you remember what happened after Mars?"

  "You mean with Adelaide...?"

  "After that..."

  You pondered about it. "I was in the Tardis with the Doctor."

  "And then what? Where did you both go?"

  You frowned when you realized you didn't remember. "I don't..."

  The raggedy Doctor has such a sorrowful look as he look at you. He cupped your cheeks. "I'm so sorry, (name)."

  You felt like choking. "What is going on? I don't understand."

  You woke up on the Tardis med-bay. The Doctor, your Doctor, apparently found you unconscious in some empty house. The owner of the house apparently were in a coma, a victim of Prisoner Zero.

  You didn't tell the Doctor of what you saw.

  7777

  You and the Doctor encountered River Song in the Byzantium. You were annoyed watching River flirted with the Doctor. You watched the Doctor tentatively flirted back much to your disbelief.

  River then explained why she called the Doctor here and asked him about what he know of weeping angel. There was supposed to be only one angel. However, it turned out this time, the Doctor didn't notice the danger the weeping angel pose as you and everyone involved were in the middle of the angels army waking up.

  Despite the Doctor warning for you to stay close, you ended up got lost and you screamed when you met face to face with one of the angels.

  You woke up feeling weak inside the Tardis med-bay and you distinctly heard the Doctor arguing with someone, arguing with River, apparently.

  It sounded very heated. River looked pissed and the Doctor looked annoyed.

  "It was very stupid and foolish, not to mention, cruel!" You heard River yelling at the Doctor.

  "Don't talk about things that you don't understand."

  "Oh I understand more than you think, Doctor."

  You choose that moment to cough.

  The Doctor and surprisingly, River, fussed over you immediately.

  You touched your stiff neck. "Ow, I think I sleep wrong, my neck is killing me..." You whined.

  The Doctor and River exchanged a look but it went unnoticed by you.

  7777

  You were shaking in fury and in tears.

  Earlier that day, during routine adventure, you and the Doctor naturally gotten into trouble. By the end of it, you were taken hostage. And as you always dreaded, he chooses not to save you.

  At first the Doctor has threatened them with his usual no second chance thing, his oncoming storm vibe. His eyes cold and calculating as he stared down the people who took you.

  Your eyes widened in disbelief and hurt when he said to the alien to go ahead and kill you. You felt so betrayed. Even the said alien was confused with the Doctor's sudden change in mood.

  The Doctor's firm look betrayed nothing of what he planned. He just stood there with flat look even as the alien insisted he will kill you. Instead you saw him lifted his sonic screwdriver at your direction.

  You must have fainted at some point because you woke up on the Tardis med-bay unharmed. You cried though when you recalled what happened.

  The Doctor entered the room and dare to look happy to see you awake after he just betrayed you like that. How can you trust him again?

  You were so furious. You refused to hear his explanation that he was just bluffing and that everything turned out okay. 

  "(name), you need to trust me. I would never abandon you." The Doctor said as he grabbed my arms.

  "Take me home, Doctor. I am done. I can't stay here anymore. I don't feel safe with you anymore." You said with tears, ignoring his pleading eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I can't trust you."

  The Doctor looked like he was being slapped. His eyes looked sad and tired. "After everything we have gone through together, how can you not trust me?"

  "I am afraid of you. I know I am just human. I know traveling with you is dangerous and that someday I will eventually die. But I have always trust you to have my back, to protect me when it matters. But you told him to just go ahead and kill me!"

  "It was just a bluff. I would never let him kill you." The Doctor pleaded. "Please, (name), you can't leave..."

  "I can't stay. I am sorry, Doctor. I just..."

  "I am sorry too."

  You glanced up at him and saw a dark look on his face. You took a step back away from him in fear.

  He glanced down at you as he walked toward you slowly. "Don't be afraid of me, (name), not you..."

  You tried to stay put as he stood before you. He raised a hand over your head. He tentatively wiped your tears with his thumb. He bend his head toward your ear and whispered something to you.

  7777

  You woke up to the sound of bird song inside the Tardis even though you were pretty sure you were at home just before. Were you really at home though? Didn't you decided to stay with the Doctor? You couldn't think straight.

  There was a man that look exactly like the Doctor, saved for his ginger hair, sunglasses and his dark clothing. He called himself the Dream Lord. He was very loud about it too.

  He insinuated the Doctor is keeping some secret from you. You said that was nothing new. But then he mentioned the secret involved yourself. He showed you a door, a vault really, with complicated lock on it.

  "How am I meant to open that?"

  "Well not here you can't but when you woke up and find it, just think open sesame, it will work."

  "Seriously?" You asked in disbelief.

  "Don't you want to know what happened after Mars?" He asked in a chilling tone.

  You froze under his gaze.

  "Find the vault. Learn the truth."

  That's when the original Doctor suddenly appeared and the vault dissolved before the Doctor noticed as he was busy yelling at his twin.

  You eventually woke up for real. You wondered what is that dream lord thing. The Doctor had said the dream lord is not real, just a manifestation of his darker side, influenced by psychic pollen inside the Tardis which heated up and causing both you and the Doctor caught into some dream world.

  7777

  You secretly tried to find the vault you saw in your dream but you couldn't find it within the Tardis. You wondered if the dream lord is bullshitting you. Would open sesame even worked to open the vault? 

  But you were curious about what he said about after Mars. It was twice now a version of Doctors warned you about it.

  What happened after Mars? Where did you and the Doctor go? Why can't you remember?

  You must have lost your mind because you started to hearing whispers in your head. You followed the whispers alongside the corridors within the Tardis.

  Find the vault. Learn the truth. Find the vault. Learn the truth.

  It was like someone is chanting those words over and over again.

  You clutched your pounding head with both hands, wishing the headache will go away.

  "(name)? Are you alright? What's wrong?" The Doctor asked.

  The whispers suddenly gone and so is the headache. You glanced up at the Doctor, eyes glassy but you were relieved.

  Without thinking, you rushed toward him and hugged him close. He hugged you back and rubbed your back. 

  "Come on." He led you away from the corridors. He discreetly turned to look at the corridors you both just left. The air around it started to falter, showing something hidden beneath it. He pulled an arms around you protectively.

  7777

  The Doctor let out a heavy sigh. That was a close call. One more step and you would have seen through the perception filter and once again find the vault.

  Each time you did find the vault, he would have to erase your memories of it for you could never cope with the truth behind the vault. 

  And yet for some reason, time and time again, you continued to stumble your way into the vault no matter how many times he relocated the vault, regardless the many protective layer after layer of perception filter he placed upon it.

  You always ended up finding the vault, learning the painful truth behind the vault, almost like something is guiding you to find it.

  After making sure you were asleep, he left you behind. He walked toward many corridors within the Tardis before stopping in front of the vault.

  He pushes open the vault door with ease. He entered the room with heavy heart as he walked toward a huge tube containing a figure submerged in watery grave.

  The figure within the tube is badly disfigured. The tube is connected with some complicated machinery which put the figure in deep sleep. Not far, there were some sort of bath tub containing icky white liquid. 

  The Doctor sighed as he put one hand over the tube. "I swear it, (name), I will never stop finding a cure for you, until then you will have to bear seeing reality through your gangers."

  He leaned against the tube. "I'm sorry about yesterday. Your ganger got her neck snapped by a weeping angel. I know that was very unpleasant. I will do better next time to keep you safe."

  He slowly sat on the floor, staring forlornly at the floor, remembering an early ganger version of you, crying in pain, unable to fully stabilized, feeling too much pain of the original you, melting and screaming, unable to accept that you weren't real.

  "I am real! I am (name) (last name)! I am real! I am not ganger!" You had screamed and raged amidst the pain. You were confused and in pain even though you weren't injured at all. You were horrified to see your own skin, how wrong it feels. You watched your hideous flesh face from the reflection of the tube and screamed.

  He stared at you solemnly, eyes looking apologetic and sad. "I am so sorry." He raised his sonic screwdriver, turned it on and vaporizing you. The eyes are always the last to go and he hates it.

  The Doctor sobbed as he harshly clutched his own hair. Keeping the truth from you has been hard. And now even your ganger self is wanting to leave him. He can't let you do that. He can't let you leave...so he made you forget your intention. 

  He was thankful he got to the real you when he could. You weren't grateful though, in absolute pain as you were, you begged him to kill you.

  He couldn't do it. It would be a mercy to put you down. But he couldn't. And so against your wishes, he put you into the tube, put you into deep sleep, pumped you full of anesthetic drug. 

  You were hanging by a thread. He knew he will lose you so he forcefully bound you to himself. You will live as long as this version of himself remained alive.

  And so he fought time itself, the prophecy of his own death, to buy you more time. He will not accept another loss, no more. But in order to keep you alive, he was forced to sacrifice another. He will have to live with that with the rest of his life.

  The Doctor was lonely. He didn't want a new companion. He wanted you. So when he found out about the flesh technology, he hooked you up to it. He tampered with your memory to ensure the trauma didn't get transferred to your ganger self.

  He found the hard way just how far gone you are and that caused some of your gangers he created descent into madness. So, he had to dig deep inside your mind, separating the damage, salvaged a semblance version of you before he could connect you into the flesh technology.

  He had to experiment with many versions of your ganger self in order to make sure you will get the best experience. Unfortunately, it didn't always work. The flesh technology is not perfect but enough to give you a half-life.

  The Doctor had no idea how River know about you and the vault. She was not pleased with it. She said he was playing God. She said he was being cruel to you. It made him angry. How dare that woman says such a thing? He did everything for you, to ensure you live. How can him trying to keep you alive being seen as cruel?

  He could feel time is falling apart and rearranged itself around him forming a new timeline. He was supposed to die that day and regenerated into his eleventh self. But he didn't. He cheated his death. Part of him is relieved he can postpone his own death. Because...he didn't want to go.

        A/N: ok, this story won't make any sense at all. I think halfway through writing this, I lost sight of what I actually want to write. I'm not satisfied with it but honestly, i don't think i can continue developing the storyline for it. I already use KISS to try to salvage this, erasing half of what I already write, it still won't connect the dot though. But I already write too much of it, I figure I will just have to accept it is a failure and then dumpost it so that it will no longer occupy my mind and just filed it as finished or discontinued.