#and it's frustrating and scary
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I'm breaking this one out by itself because it's a little funny.
*Dean's phone rings*
*Dean answers without looking*
*Dean proceeds to yell at Cas*
Ah, right. What could possible be so important?
/////
Sam goes on to tell Dean that *drumroll* Sam is Lucifer's true vessel.
WOW! Scary!
DEAN: *sarcastically* Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in, huh Sammy? SAM: That's it? That's your response?
It's... completely lost of Sam, though, the REASON for Dean's sarcasm.
See. It's this: now that Sam's found out that HE'S a vessel, he's in his car, an absolute FIRE lit under his goddamned tail, EAGER to get back in and fight.
Sam.
SAMMY.
🤦🤦🤦🤦
Dean throws a hint.
DEAN: *sarcastically again* I guess I'm a little numb to the earth-shattering revelations at this point. SAM: Well what are we gonna do about it?
And Sam... still doesn't get it.
Sigh.
Here's the thing. Sam wasn't panicking when they learned that Dean was a vessel. Only Cas and Bobby were panicked and stressed. They were mean, but they were at least aware of the reality of things.
But Sam.
Yes, Sam was going through things, struggling with things, and taking time to go through things is okay. But on the other hand, it definitely still hurts that Sam wasn't insisting on staying in the fight on Dean's behalf, to protect Dean from becoming a vessel.
But now that Sam's learned that he's a vessel?
Boom.
It's not even that, though. It's this whole conversation.
Because what's missing here? Empathy for Dean's plight.
Sam doesn't realize that this is why he's perpetually at... the kids' table. This right here.
In this whole conversation, Sam is eaten up with ranting about his own feelings, about how he's sick of being a puppet, and how he's going to hunt Lucifer down and gain redemption.
Sam's all about "how he can do this," how he's "gonna prove it to you."
It makes him seem a lot younger than he is.
....
There's no acknowledgment of how helpless Dean must have been feeling all this time, knowing that he's been targeted by an archangel, about how scary this whole thing is.
Hell, even Cas acknowledged Dean's fears re: Michael.
I mean: He did it in his Cas way, but it still acknowledged the enormity of the fear.
Cas:
///
Meanwhile, Sam back in 5x01, right after DEAN learned about being Michael's vessel: Geez, why is everyone so cranky and stressed?
🥺Dean, what do you mean that you didn't mean your pep talk to Bobby? Whaaaat? 🥺
///
....
And the thing is. Not "getting it"? That's understandable. But this conversation is just... devoid of support for Dean.
And they're not. Sam's zapping all the strength for himself.
When they've been together lately, Dean is the big brother who lends support, and Sam isn't giving anything back. Sam's out to prove himself, not to support others.
And they tell older siblings and parents to be patient, to let them learn, to step back and forgive, to be "a soft place to land."
That's hard to do. And it's exhausting.
And aside// Sam's apology to (demon) Bobby was SO MUCH NICER. Sam, where is this humility and energy for other people????
SAM: No, actually. Bobby, this is all my fault. I'm sorry. Lilith did not break the final seal. Lilith was the final seal. I killed her, and I set Lucifer free. You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn't listen. I brought this on. I'm sorry.
#i think sibling jail is my fave new thing#GO TO SIBLING JAIL SAM#when sam is a vessel he expects everyone to panic#when dean is a vessel sam's just like: yay go team let's go#spn 5x04#spn 5x05#aside it's fun for dean to yell at cas at this point#he likes that cas is annoying him#and he likes making a fuss about it#i'm 99.999% sure i'm correct#it's part of the fun in bickering with someone who cares about you and is willing to disagree with you#dean doesn't get that form many people#it's probably comforting that cas calling him has become a regular part of his day#also i'm pretty sure there was a whole episode where sam AND dean are in a bratty fight and not thinking about bobby#but like#that kind of immaturity is expected sometimes#but there comes a point when...sigh#yes it's a very normal very frustrating part of life and growing up#to see your childhood caregivers as people#and hey from time to time dean puts too much on bobby on cas etc#it’s a scary tho to be alive
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Not so sure Lucifer keeping the deer traits is an excellent idea because... Well, angry, horny, territorial bucks + large, pointy antlers = maulings. Seriously, deer are surprisingly vicious when they wanna be.
That’s what makes it an excellent idea!
Now he knows why Alastor’s been so on edge, he can get a taste of what animal-based sinners go through, and Alastor can see Lucifer go into super scary deer demon mode and go 😶😏
And if Lucifer plays his cards right, he can get laid 👉👉
#I didn’t turn Lucifer into a deer to make him meek#I did it to make him sexually frustrated and territorial#the moment someone tried stepping onto the hotel property#lucifer is going SUPER ULTRA SCARY DEER DEMON MODE#and Alastor can finally kick back relax and enjoy the show#especially now that HE doesn’t have to be the only one high strung#I like it when Lucifer is vicous#he’s just got to keep his biases and classism in check 👉👉#asks#anon#anonymous#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#the radio demon#lucifer morningstar#appleradio#radioapple#lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin lucifer#lucifer magne#deer!lucifer
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was listening to ethel cain while drawing this sorry
#dndads#click on this pls the quality got nuked 🙏#dungeons and daddies#normal oak#dndads fanart#hermie the unworthy#henry oak#hero oak#scary marlowe#sparrow oak garcia#(their hands lol)#character art#fanart#this is the first and only time im drawing a side profile idgaf#MEOWWW hi#lyn art#got to get out my anime normal frustrations with this one.. GIVE HIM HIS UNSHAVEN EYEBROWS AND DOUBLE CHIN BRAH
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Been playing a lot of Path of Titans lately
#Path of Titans#PathofTitans#PoT#Dinosaurs#Deinonychus#Pycnonemosaurus#Allosaurus#Kentrosaurus#Struthiomimus#Camptosaurus#Oh the moments of joy and frustration this game has brought me#Being a baby is scary but sometimes you are surprised by super nice people#As Kentros my sister and I encountered the Chicken King of the Hive#Struthi and Campto are our go-tos for running around and having a good time
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Been really hoping to find some sort of college/dorm au where all the main arcane characters have to live in close proximity to each other. Mostly because it sounds like it’d be pure chaos and hilarity. The council members or main leaders of the undercity could be the faculty while the students are the “kids” of the show.
Jinx and Vi happen to be the adopted kids of one of the most well liked teachers/profs (vander) and have a few friends who aren’t adopted but might as well be (Claggor and Mylo) tho recently he adopted another kid after Jinx found her on the street (isha) and they are practically bonded at the hip. Especially since isha has been a HUGE help to Jinx’s mental health.
I think it’d be neat if Vander were in a car crash that almost kills them all. Powder was the one that unintentionally caused the crash by distracting Vander while he was driving. Vander goes into a coma, and Vi is understandably pissed and scared and it’s mostly aimed at powder. Vi stays by Vander’s bedside. Luckily, things weren’t too bad and he woke up within a month but powder and mostly Vi honestly, needed time apart. Powder went to live with Silco [they had their arguments but after seeing Vander almost die with his kids? Everything seemed a little childish after that] and Vi stayed with Vander. They spent a few years apart with their own lives with only occasional interaction until they wanted to reconcile and reconnect. It wasn’t easy and sometimes things are still weird but for the most part, things are good!
Jayce, Mel and Viktor all held off on college because of other issues they needed to take care of so they’re older than the rest of the cast. Mel was the death of her brother. She didn’t take it well and the family was going through issues as it was so Mel was sent out of state to college where she could have new experiences and meet new people. Viktor mostly had health issues that have been lessened but not eradicated (singed is his doctor. He works in experimental new ways of treating disease. This was mainly to cure his daughter). At the very least he can get a degree now. He got in on scholarship btw. Jayce was working for the Kirammans since high school but in order to move to a higher positions he needs a degree. He’s attending on their sponsorship.
Jinx skipped two grades so technically she’s ekko’s upperclassman even though she’s the same age. She will lord this over him so long as they’re both alive.
Idk I like the idea of all of them living relatively happily and generally annoying the shit out of each other. I mean, imagine jinx playing pranks on Jayce and not really knowing whether she likes Viktor or thinks his life advice is annoying. She enjoys tinkering with him and Ekko tho. Meanwhile ekko is possibly getting hunted down the second vi realizes that he’s dating her sister. Jinx isn’t sure whether to be amused and happy or concerned for ekko’s wellbeing. Similarly, when jinx found out Vi was dating Cait, she didn’t react well. They fought a lot when they first met. And Jinx’s insecurity over being replaced didn’t help. They worked it out eventually and have since bonded over shooting guns and lightly bullying Vi. Also Jayce and Viktor and Mel are all in a weird spot romantically. Up to you whether they all just date each other or fight for Jayce. Either way, their getting together is messy.
I will say that sometimes things just explode in the middle of the night and people have stopped questioning it ever since they set up a communication system that just assures them that it’s not anything dangerous. Usually it’s Jinx blowing things up but it’s often Ekko and Viktor. Also if you fall asleep in a common area you have to accept that you will get your face painted on. Caitlyn is So Done with people leaving their projects out on the common tables also.
Jayce and Vi regularly meet up to work out together and punch the shit out of each other. Meanwhile Caitlyn and Mel have tea together and talk shit abt people.
Viktor is the capybara of the friend group. Everyone is ok with him at the very least but as such he can and will roast any and everyone if prompted. Mel and Caitlyn are usually the ones with the collective brain cell. Ekko is not because when out in the same room as 3 other scientists just as unhinged as he is if not more so and 2 people more responsible than him, all sense of leadership dies.
#arcane#arcane college au#I want some crackfic#because it would be hilarious#and canon is sad#I want to see viktor up at 3AM on coffee and spite to finish an assignment#I want to see Jayce getting frustrated at the directions that Vi sent because they’re vague as hell#they sent Jinx to help but they should have known better#she laughs as he gets more and more lost#this goes on for another 30 minutes until they send Ekko#or Caitlyn getting so fed up with cleaning that she just… stops#and some of them have to beg her to teach them how to clean because they don’t really know how#she does a whole PowerPoint#and in exchange they do her work and pamper her#Mel has so much jewelry but nobody knows where the hell she keeps it all when they see her room#Caitlyn has no concept of money (she IS rich)#vander having to jump through hoops to secure the answer sheets to his tests because his daughters and company are in his class#everyone being lowkey terrified of silco except jinx who grew up with him and has seen him take in stray cats REPEATEDLY#some people don’t understand how she does it but then they see her mad and she looks so much like him that it’s scary#timebomb#caitvi#jayvik#jayce talis#jinx#ekko#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#mel medarda#weirdocat83 ramblings
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The kids will some day be fine.
Cw. Blood on the second picture:
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#my art#normal oak#link li wilson#taylor swift dndads#scary marlowe#i think this came out great#i just enjoy drawing the teens as cuddling im pretty sure i drew basiclly this like thrice now#also listening to sophmore slump and its so so good like sooo good#cw blood#oh also an obligatory wtnv refrence with waiting for the bus in the rain waiting for the bus in the rain#oh also i started not quite dead (frustrating at times pretty decent backround noise tho and needs more fics)#and the orbiting human circus (julian desrves so many hugs i am so so confused reminds me of fairytales and stories from my childhood tho)#and im slowly getting thru hazbin hotel (not as good as i hoped some of the songs are bangers tho kinda cringe a lot unfortunetly tho)
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there's nothing worse than seeing people headcanon your favorite character as a "sw*ftie"
#THEY WOULD NEVER ISTEN TO THAT#it's so scary everytime i see my fav character and that woman's name on the same sentence#it's so frustrating...like stop.. please Wanda Maximoff would not listen to that#who do i have to kill to stop seeing that stupid headcanon.... it's everywhere#Matt Murdock DOES NOT listen to Taylor swift...tiktok needs to stopp#FREE SATOSUGU FROM T*YLOR SWIFT SONG#I don't want to see wanda and that blonde bitch in the same video ever again#wtf#wanda Maximoff#anti taylor swift#anti swifties#marvel#fandom#geto suguru#gojo Satoru#jujutsu kaisen#headcanon#wanda maximoff headcanons#wanda maximoff x reader#fuck taylor swift#taylor swift#matt Murdock#daredevil#fandom critical#wanda ramblings
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I swear to God, Twitter being able to accumulate so many brain-dead, malicious, pseudo intellectual low lives all in one place at the same time is a phenomenon worthy of being studied under a microscope in a science lab. And no, that is not a compliment.
Thankfully people have already spoken out against this bullshit-- the fact that people needed to is already maddening to think about-- but as someone who got the basic gist of what happened literally yesterday I'll also put my voice out there: Don't you fucking dare try to paint Hbomb as a murderer over this situation.
Somerton may be a lying, misogynistic plagiarist and conman, but he obviously doesn't deserve to die and while I do make fun of the guy, I genuinely hope that he continues to have a life after the dust has settled on everything. Not on YouTube or any social media platform for a long time at least, but just a life nontheless. I don't wish what he's potentially going through on anyone, and I hope that he makes it through this. But regardless of if he does or doesn't-- and God forbid he doesn't-- none of this is Hbomb's fault. It's not his fault, or Kat's fault, or Jessie's fault (because apparently there's people blaming her too cuz WHY NOT), or anybody's fault. All they did was call out his actions, hold him accountable for the harm he's done. They have done nothing to deserve having to carry this on their shoulders should the worst happen. They did nothing wrong. They didn't kill James (he's not confirmed dead yet either btw). They are not murderers. And to the people saying they are: say those words out loud, listen how they sound like, and re-evaluate. Just cease.
And to people like this:
''Oh I'm not blaming him for anything I'm just blaming him for what his audience did because according to HIM you're responsible for your audience'' Yeah, you people can shut your mouths too. Of course you're responsible for your audience, and that includes Hbomb too. However, your tiny, godless little monkey brain can't see why your argument is still rubbish even with that in mind. The difference between James, Internet Historian and Hbomb is that Hbomb never promoted problematic behaviour to his audience. If you promote problematic shit like harassment or misogyny or racism, then yeah, you're absolutely responsible for how your behaviour influences your audience. But that's not what he did. He made it very clear where he stood on those things, literally stating that ''if anyone were to harass Somerton on his behalf they are worse than him and will not see the light of heaven''. He's done his part in making it clear that harassment is wrong, so if someone went out of their way to go against that and harass James anyway that doesn't reflecf on him at all. Also, what the hell do you mean ''hatemobbed'' to suicide? I don't doubt there are people who went to extremes because those bad apples always exist, but most of the things I've seen are valid critisisms, memes and call outs about that guy. If holding people accountable for their actions and poking fun at them a little counts as 'hatemobbing'' (which has Filip calling his critics a ''lynch mob'' energy tbh) what the hell do you call actual hatemobbing then? Do we just let people continue being shitty because calling them out ''damages their mental health'' or ''drives them to suicide'' then? Is that a world you want to live in?
Same thing goes for people like this:
Criticing someone for their objectively bullshit content and wanting them dead are two seperate things. What the actual hell is wrong with you. The plagiarist in question is a person. Those ''harshest critics'' are still people. And because we're people, we care. I'd rather James pump out more plagiarised slop than commit suicide. I'd still hate him for it, but I'd prefer him being alive over the alternative any day. We all do. None of us would sleep easier knowing he's dead just because he wouldn't be ''committing the cardinal sin of putting out a 'pure content mill' video'' because someone taking their own life is horrific-- especially Hbomberguy, how dare you even try to imply that?
And this gets me to the reason I'm furiously typing all this out in the first place: Hbomb is the fucking victim here, so stop treating him like he isn't. He tried making things as right as possible by compensating those that were burned by James through a video where he revealed everything there needs to be known about the guy so that less people fall victim to his actions and lies. To just ignore the harm James was causing while he had the evidence to prove it and platform too big to threaten into non existence should he speak out would've been bad. So he didn't. He did the right thing by sticking with the people James had stolen from, giving them a voice and making them known after they've been scrubbed from the picture by decidedly being uncredited for their works or bullied into silence. He shouldn't have to deal with this for doing the right thing. He shouldn't be labelled a murderer for doing the right thing. He shouldn't have to have the death of a man on his conscience for doing the right thing. People claiming otherwise are obviously wrong, but I can't imagine what all this must feel like right now. Because even tho they're wrong, guilt isn't a rational thing, and I know that if I were in his position I'd still feel like a morally bankrupt individual were the worst to happen even if I knew that it was not my fault. This isn't a funny story. So to add to this dumpsterfire by using it as a prop to bash on a creator you don't like and immediately write Somerton off as dead even when he's not even been confirmed dead yet to do that shows how little these people actually care about the thing they're talking about. They don't care a guy potentially killed himself-- what they care about is using it to paint Hbomb in a bad light because they don't like him. Here they are, posting memes and ill jokes about this very delicate situation while barely a day since the news broke out had passed. It's opportunistic, it's sickening, and literally the exact thing he criticised in his video when talking about 'content mills'. Like, I know none of these clowns bothered to actually watch it, but have some self-awareness. And some shame too, while you're at it.
This long story short: I'm writing this to contribute to the narrative not getting twisted to make Hbomb out to be the villian. Same goes for everyone else. Don't let these people paint them as the villians. If I see another person pull this shit again I will literally bite you and shred you into salad and spit you back out because I hate you so much and I mean that wholeheartedly.
To Hbomb: you will never see this but if you do, take care of yourself.
To the asshats this post is about: Delete your account. Cease all together. Stop talking about this. Just leave him the fuck alone.
#hbomberguy#james somerton#this post took me ages to finish and really grinds my gears#i would not survive on that hellscape with people like this holy shit#really hope this situation turns out for the best#i wrote this while i was frustrated and sleep deprived so apologies for unnoticed grammar i'll correct it later#i'll be keeping my eyes peeled for any updates on this situation this is actually getting scary
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There's a certain CCCC summary video that we really, really like. We think it is a great video for people if they want to grasp the story more clearly, if they're confused, or if they're listening to the album for the first time.
That video being Chonny Jash and the Weight of the Mind on Youtube by W3tBl@nk3t. We think they cover it really well.
However, I'm sharing this for a different reason; they say few certain things that really struck with us until now, that I'd like to share with the fandom. Sometimes, we see people really just.. Miss the point of CCCC entirely, and I'd like to shine a light on what was said here. If you'd like to hear this for yourself on video, the timestamp is 35:57-36:45.
“..I bet we all could relate to that, they are the prime example of the side of you that suffers and the side of you that hates yourself for suffering:
The side of you that just wants to slow down and feel everything even to the unhealthy extent of not being able to do anything else(1), but also the side of you that so desperately wants you to get over it(2).
Sure, laying in bed all day every day to rot isn't healthy, but neither is boiling things down and invalidating your own emotions. Both are paths to inevitable disaster, and that's what Chonny is doing here. Keep in mind that the idea behind this album is being whole, and that means neither of these sides are entirely in the right or the wrong; this album is about inner compromise and acceptance(3).”
1.) The side of you that suffers; Heart. He is representative of Whole's emotions, he holds them. Your emotions can go haywire, especially when one's mentally ill and has no way of their feelings being validated. An emotional person like Heart suffers under the weight of crushing, devastating feelings. He wants to feel things out, have time to just process everything, even if it takes them days or weeks to get over it. It's not healthy, but feeling is what he does, and he wants to help because he knows he has importance. Solely focusing on just your emotions isn't the best thing to do, however.
2.) The side of you that so desperately wants you to get over it; Mind. Many people have been there, have wanted themselves to stop wallowing in their own emotions and just do something else, even to the point where you think feeling things out is unnecessary. This is also unhealthy, but not intentionally. Like Heart, Mind just wants to help, everything he does is in best interest. This is what he thinks will get them to move on the quickest; to leave behind emotions and focus on anything BUT that. Also not the best thing to do.
3.) This album is about inner compromise and acceptance; About being whole. Neither of Heart and Mind are right nor wrong. They have their own ways of doing things, of what they think will help their whole self out the most, but both are unhealthy despite the good intentions. They fight over who's wrong or right, when they shouldn't even be doing so in the first place. It's your thoughts against your emotions, basically; your feelings contradict your thoughts, and it leads to an inner war of sorts. This won't make things better, which is why you can't have Mind over Heart or vice versa; you'll need both of them. In the album, they are only able to be whole when they get along. They harmonize, they 'combine', they see eye to eye with each other and work together instead of fighting over and over. Inner compromise is achieved with this, and acceptance can lead them away from any disaster that there's to come.
What we're trying to say is that mental health is a large thing tackled within CCCC, and yet we see a lot of people who overlook it; thus, end up missing the point of the whole album. We see a lot of people believe Mind's perspective a little too much and treat Heart quite harshly, or the other way where people demonize Mind and say that Heart is perfect, when it's not really that in the slightest.
This is not a hate post towards people's interpretations of CCCC or how they view characters, I'm just saying that people can tend to overlook what's in the very narrative, and we see a concerning amount of people do such.
Anyways. Stream CCCC and put your Hearts and Minds in the get along shirt. Have a nice day.
#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cccc#cccc heart#cj heart#cccc mind#cj mind#mind chonny jash#heart chonny jash#I did not mention Soul once in this post. I am so sorry to all of the Soul enjoyers#whole was technically mentioned but this is not about him. so sorry to the Whole enjoyers as well#we rreally really really like this CCCC video#a lot#it does a great job at explaining things and is fairly good for an unbiased telling of the story#to reiterate though this is not a hate post#it's just a bit frustrating to see how many people say that mind is right or heart is right#but no.. that is not the point of cccc#and it's even in tse as well. the line 'neither is right yet neither is wrong'#personally we are big fans of heart and will defend him since he gets so mischaracterized#but we know and acknowledge that he isn't 100% correct and can be wrong for what he wants to do and has done#we love Heart but he did not have to pull that gun.#also. more justice for characters who make mistakes but aren't automatically super evil because they're just human.#we've seen how people lack that understanding in the fandom </3#hmsw are so incredibly flawed in a relatable way with such good writing#we feel like people overlook that so much#this post was scary to make but#we're doing it#here goes#CxC rambling and yapping#we haven't posted purely text posts in a while please don't come for our heads c4 fandom
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"If this book should ever reach Mina before I do, let it bring my good-bye. Here comes the coach!"
LOSING IT over how foreboding and morbid this sentence is followed by the cheerful energy of "Here comes the coach! ^_^" I'm dying
#here comes the coach!#i can't#jonathan harker you dumb fuckin himbo#like in context this is so sinister#and from the woman's perspective so frustrating and sad#DON'T GO TO THE SCARY CASTLE I'M BEGGING YOU#and he's just like whatever byyeeee ^_^#im dyin#dracula#dracula daily#re dracula
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just had a preliminary consultation with a new therapist, and for once in my life I actually gave them relevant and helpful info on what I was looking for and what my actual difficulties are instead of cock dick balling it and just kind of hoping the severity of my dysfunction will be conveyed through cordial small talk
#she’s gonna help me establish routiiiiines#and feel less guilty about anger and frustration#and start healthy friendships outside of the kind of people I’m used to#who are perfectly fine btw I just wanna work on taking relationships as case by case#instead of relying on previous intense or unconventional dynamics of my intense and unconventional contact circle#I’ve been doing the best I can for as long as I can remember and not doing that well#and I think generally almost everyone in my life has done the best they can given various circumstances#but it is exciting and scary to explore taking initiative and making space for myself#outside of what I’m used to#feeling pretty good
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girl the confession compulsions
#this time about something really really scary to me bc I'm afraid that I'm like. evil sjskfnskgsn#I do have the little voices of my parents in my head being reasonable but it doesn't help the part of me that screams#''BUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!'' sksksksksksjfs#earlier this week (same spiral) just giving it time helped but man. it's frustrating#have you ever wanted to disappear
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i've been so miserable lately but at least i still enjoy music and learning
#i actually don't think i can put up with people rn#and that's more on me#but some of it is also frustration with other peoples attitudes#mine might not be good but at least i'm trying to still have compassion#i'm really trying rn and i feel like i'm stuck#thank god for being an academic weapon#but i genuinely feel like i'm undergoing too many changes at once and it's scary and i don't want to be around people!!#i feel like i've lately been concerning myself with others a lot#but all of a sudden now i'm worried about MYSELF and how i'm changing and i'm not the same person as i was even a few minutes ago#i don't rly know who i am#the fact that i still have the same values is very very comforting but otherwise i feel like shit#i've been happy but there's like an underlying melancholia throughout me this week it's so lame#ugh ok shutting tf up now#ceri.txt
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Drew some family portraits to figure out how I want to draw everyone!! I was so brave and basically kept them in canon greyscale even though coloring is my favorite thing in the world 😤
#in stars and time#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#isat mirabelle#isat odile#isat bonnie#silverstarsart#gotta say. no matter what website you're on 5 pics is an awkward amount#i experimented with using tints to bring in a little color without actually inserting color and i think that worked well#i also experimented with using textured brushes to add more visual interest but that worked less well. time-consuming for fairly-#imperceptible results since i also put my usual watercolor textures on top too#woulda been a lot quicker and less frustrating to just do flat colors and a couple extra texture layers!!#oh well i'm sure i've gained useful knowledge from the attempt#anyway i was so nervous about translating SUCH cartoony designs but it ended up less scary than i thought! i forgot i have fun doing that#though the one thing i got stuck on was bonnie's hat. if anyone knows like an irl equivalent PLS show meee i don't understand pillow hat 😭#anyway i'm excited to draw them in more interesting ways now >:333
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Oh good the voice dysphoria is back in force
#I've tried exercises n shit and i never seem to 'get' it and it's so frustrating#my voice just sounds the same no matter what I do#and supposedly people like it#and o believe them#but i don't like it#not really#and idk what to do?#professional lessons? that's so scary#😭#i just wanna talk and not be instantly clocked as a man actually#ughhhhhh
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The whole "humans are inherently awful and bad!" spiel is so tiring to me as a survivor of abuse because it comes off as abuse apologia. If humans are inherently awful, then why should it matter if you're abused - that's what humans do best! Like, genuinely, I think this mindset can harm abuse victims/survivors because they're being inundated with this idea that, well, how bad can their abuser be? All humans are horrific, why complain, why escape, and why try to resist it?
I really wish people would critically analyze where these ideas come from and where these lines of thinking can lead. Maybe it's a matter that I'm looking too deep into, but this very bleak ideology is not going to help in the long run, I think, and some of the first people who are going to be crushed by it are the people who are vulnerable or who are put in vulnerable positions in society.
#politics#abuse tw#abuse mention tw#i think a lot of these beliefs can influence your politics and how you view other people#honestly if i kept the mindset that humans are inherently abusive i would have just stayed with people who abused me. lol.#i think a lot of people who posit these things are genuinely in pain and i really really feel for them...#...a lot of these people may be in the earliest stages of healing where the world DOES feel scary...#...but i don't want that to be normalized in the sense that it *can be* harmful to dwell in...#...when the world feels like a hammer you're going to think you're a nail. and that's such a scary thing to be stuck in#i think it's different when people use this stuff to imply that abuse isn't real/isn't a big deal because abuse is the Nature of Humanity#i'm just frustrated that this is seen as... expected? necessary? fine? it's hard to describe#i've probably talked about this before but i don't care because this is important to me still even if i did
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