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wren-kitchens · 2 days ago

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i guess i’m human no more

4732 words

joel is extremely used to the vast amount of feathers he finds in their bed (and his mouth) every morning—going so far as to know which yellow feather is from jimmy's wings or grian's (jimmy's have more brown hues in). joel essentially knows their wings off by heart, and has been teased endlessly after that one time he accidentally revealed this fact to grian. despite all this, there's- there is a bit of a situation. it's- there's a new colour feather.

good LORD this has taken me a while to finish. judas had the incredible idea of watchers/listeners being contagious to people they're emotionally close to in MAY and here I am in december only just finishing the oneshot for it

I did in fact go wild with this one. there are many headcanons and so much bad boys because I love them

CW: body horror, gore

there are too many feathers in their bed.

this is extremely ordinary—in fact, joel would be concerned if there were a normal amount of feathers in their bed, because it would mean that jimmy and grian had just been laying completely still. after sleeping in the same bed as them for a week or so, joel has learnt that this seems to be physically impossible for either of them to do. every single morning, joel has woken up with jimmy and grian sprawled in increasingly unlikely positions on top of him and each other (which is kind of sweet), and at least three feathers in his mouth (which is kind of gross).

that's not even to mention how many feathers they shed when they stretch their wings out. honestly, joel wonders if he should just attach a bin bag to their wings and see just how many feathers they can amass in a single day; it'd be an interesting experiment. although, the most they shed is when they're preening, which- okay, he can no longer get annoyed with them when they leave the piles of fluff on the floor—not since they let him help. now he knows how loopy they get, joel understands why they'd forget to tidy up.

(joel wouldn’t admit this at gunpoint, but he's never felt so.. okay- it's- it will sound silly, but so trusted, than when jimmy suggested joel help, and grian agreed. there are very few things so intimate than preening, as joel has learnt, and the idea that they would ask him for help with something that personal makes his head spin.)

all of this to say, joel is extremely used to the vast amount of feathers he finds in their bed (and his mouth) every morning—going so far as to know which yellow feather is from jimmy's wings or grian's (jimmy's have more brown hues in). joel essentially knows their wings off by heart, and has been teased endlessly after that one time he accidentally revealed this fact to grian.

despite all this, there's- there is a bit of a situation. it's- there's a new colour feather.

it doesn’t sound that weird, but- no one else on the server has wings with the pattern on the feathers joel has started finding, so there's no way it just rubbed off someone else and fell off here. it's a kind of orangey-beige, with dark brown marking; something joel knows is not a pattern on anyone else's wings on this server. it could be a weird glitch, if grian or jimmy have different markings on another server, and at some point their wings lagged or something. yeah, that makes sense.

so much sense, in fact, that joel didn't bother telling grian or jimmy about it—which apparently was about to bite him in the ass.

if joel has to spend one more second trying to be diplomatic with scott, whilst being shot looks that very plainly tell him to chill out, he's going to stab someone. especially as martyn and grian are clearly arguing about something or other in the most roundabout way possible, and jimmy keeps backing grian up. joel has no idea what either of them are actually arguing about, and apparently neither does scott, which is only some consolation. also- not necessarily related to this situation, but joel must have slept funny or something, because his back has been aching all day, which is not adding very much to this experience.

"look- I don’t want you to be my ally any more than you want to be mine," joel says, thoroughly exasperated. "but you and your allies seem to be fundamentally immortal in these games."

scott raises an amused eyebrow, clearly entertained by joel's attempts at formality. dickhead. "so, you’re trying to profit off my skill?"

joel scoffs, stretching his neck in the hopes of lessening some of the pain in his back. "you say that like it's a bad thing. you know, I-"

"no- you’re being ridiculous!" martyn interrupts, half shouting and apparently unaware of the commotion he’s causing. "it's downright irresponsible-"

"and what do you think you’re doing?" grian's wings have puffed up in anger. "you realise that out of everyone you could turn-"

"which is exactly why i’m not going to." martyn insists. joel has no idea what either of them are talking about, but it's better than arguing with scott.

jimmy barks a laugh. "there are more than one reasons you’re wrong there-"

"you can’t talk!" martyn jabs a finger at him. "how would you know-"

"how would I know?" jimmy says, voice slipping from indignation to anger. "how would- do you remember, martyn, who turned me?"

joel's back gives a sharp stab of pain, and he winces at it. maybe he pulled a muscle or something when he was swimming up the side of the mansion with building materials.

scott looks at him. "what are you doing?"

"you- what?" joel glares back instinctively, which scott apparently finds funny. "i’m not doing anything?"

"if you say so." scott turns back to the argument.

joel scoffs, folding his arms- and instantly regrets it as a spasm shoots up his back. void- what did he do to himself? it seems like it's getting worse as the day goes on, which does not happen with muscle strains- as far as he remembers, anyway. scott glances at him again, and joel pretends he hasn't noticed.

" -hen you should know better." martyn's voice is cold, but there's something like regret lacing his tone. joel feels like he’s missed at least five chapters- what are they on about? "you know the risks-"

"you know the risks firsthand, martyn." grian steps forward. "and do you truly think They will take kindly-"

"of course They won't, but it's not going to happen." martyn hisses.

whatever joel has managed to do to himself seems to be worsening by the second- demonstrated by the pounding behind his eyes that seems to have materialised out of nowhere. cool- great, this is exactly what he needs right now: more pain. he closes his eyes for a moment, in the hope that the lack of light might alleviate the throbbing pain. it does not help at all—in fact, it just makes him feel a little unstable, since he can no longer see where he’s stood.

he's- wait, what- did joel open his eyes and not notice? that- no, that's definitely- what the fuck? is the game glitching, or is-

"joel?" scott's voice is uncomfortably close to his ear, and joel's eyes snap open (how the fuck could he still see). "are- what-" (why does scott look scared.)

"you- that's not normal." joel's voice sounds so far away from his body. does he have double vision?

pearl looks over at bigb from where she's been laying upside-down against the wall. she says something that looks like, "I have an idea." but no sound comes out.

maybe he just needs to lie down- it's probably fine. it's just- he has some kind of fever- he just needs to have a nap.

grian is too busy trying to stop both himself and jimmy from attacking martyn to notice that anything is wrong.

someone grabs his arm-

joel lists sideways, and scott manages to catch him on instinct before he completely topples over. his eyes- they've definitely not always been purple.

grian looks over, panic rising in his chest like bile as he realises the worst has happened-

"can- is there-" joel's breath is coming far too quickly- is he even breathing anymore? "I don't-"

someone is grabbing his shoulders, and there are too many faces to even- decipher who it is. he might be on the floor- there's something that could be grass under his hands, and someone is talking- who is talking? joel doesn’t want- he doesn’t like any of this. can he go home?

his mind swims, bursts of colour and movement flashing before him, gone before he even has time to understand what they are. head pounding, faces blur his vision- some he recognises, some he can't even begin to process if they are actually faces by the time they've vanished. people are shouting what might be his name and everything is- there's too much- there's way too much-

amidst the chaos, there's a gentle pressure against his forehead, and all of a sudden-

"I- grian?" joel is- he’s looking at grian. he’s only looking at grian.

grian's eyes are fading from purple back to black, and he looks so worried, joel is almost embarrassed. "i’m- void, i’m so sorry."

joel's chest is tight with fear, and now he isn't dealing with- whatever just happened, he realises that his back has begun to hurt a lot more than it already was. "what- what the fuck was that."

"it- that was my fault." grian drops his hands from joel's shoulders, and joel immediately misses the warmth, but he’s too focused on how guilty grian looks right now. "i’m- I was reckless- I knew what might happen, but I-"

"what happened?" joel says, almost exasperated. his back is killing him, and he doesn't know what's going on, and he just wants to go back to the mansion and curl up in their bed. "I don't- I don't care whose fault it is, I just- what was that?"

grian looks like he might cry, and that might just be the worst part of all of this. "you- so. you know what I am, right?"

"I- yeah?" joel remembers suddenly that scott and martyn are still here. "I- I know."

"well, that- if I get.. too close to someone, they-" grian's breath catches in his throat, and he coughs. joel wants to hug him, but- even the thought of lifting his arms that high makes his stomach turn. why does everything hurt so much? "it. it happens to them, too."

joel stares for a second, brain sluggish against the pain and overwhelm as he tries to understand what grian actually means. it takes a moment, but it begins to dawn on him. "you're saying- no, that wasn't-" he looks over at jimmy, half expecting to find him grinning. he is more solemn than joel has ever seen him. "that can't be- possible, I don't-"

"what did you see?" jimmy asks, and this is ludicrous, but-

"pearl and bigb." joel's head feels foggy, his spine burning at his flesh. "I- me, but, from scott's point of view. and my eyes were- wrong, I don't-" he takes a breath. "why did you not tell me?"

"selfishness, mostly." grian says softly. "there's no excuse."

"what- I just don't-" joel's breath is starting to feel laboured again as he tries to concentrate on his words and not how it feels as if his back is being sliced open. "why does it hurt?" his voice slips into something so vulnerable, joel is almost thankful that he’s too distracted to care that scott is right behind him.

for the first time, confusion flits across grian's expression, coupled with a concerning amount of panic. "I- hurt? what hurts?"

before joel can remember how to string the words together, scott is saying, "I- joel, take your jacket off."

grian looks as confused as joel feels, but scott sounds weirdly serious and joel is in too much pain to argue. "it- I can’t. it hurts to move."

"what's going on?" jimmy says, closer than he was a second ago.

"I would have thought you'd know." scott is saying, and joel is about to accept his fate and hit him when he finishes- "he’s growing wings."

there's a moment in which all joel can think is that he probably should have mentioned those feathers he kept finding in their bed, until there's a resounding squawk of- "what?"

"makes sense." joel grits out, if only because the juxtaposition is funny. if joel can’t commit to the bit in any situation, who even is he? "don't- don't suppose you have potions?"

"martyn, can you grab a golden apple?" scott says, stepping in front of joel—who is not happy that his best bet right now is scott smajor. he’s not so stubborn as to not accept his help though. "grian, help him take the jacket off. cut it off if needs-"

"you are- you are not ruining my jacket." joel manages to look up in order to glare at scott, but he falters as he takes in how concerned scott's expression is. scott notices him looking, and his face turns blank.

"fine- take the jacket off then, or it will get ruined." scott scoffs, turning away to watch martyn grab the apple.

"can you- are you gonna explain what is going on?" grian says, somewhat more desperate than joel thinks he meant to sound. "how is- why is this-"

a spasm of pain wracks joel's body, and he suppresses a scream as he falls forward on his arms, shaking a little. his breathing is heavy again- he just wants it to be over.

"if I die," joel manages, head swimming. "will- can I just-" he can’t muster up the energy to finish the sentence, but the desperation in it seems to be conveyed. can it just be over?

"I don’t know." scott says, and despite it all, the helplessness in his voice brings joel some sense of vindication. so he doesn’t know everything.

"okay, i’m- i’m gonna take your jacket off." grian says, more panicked than joel knows he wants to sound. "can you- is that possible?"

joel lets grian move around him, barely lifting each arm as grian guides the sleeve of the jacket off his shoulders. as soon as the first sleeve comes off, joel finds himself relaxing ever so slightly at the lack of pressure against his spine. he should probably make that vest bigger.

"why- why is this-" joel can barely manage half of that sentence before the pain becomes too much, but scott seems to understand what he was trying to ask.

"i don't- i’m not sure." scott says, more panicked than joel thinks he’s heard him in a long while. "I just- this kind of thing happened to me in double life, but I still don't understand-"

"oh void." grian says suddenly, and joel has to resist the impulse to turn his head. "I thought i’d- it shouldn't be possible anymore-"

"what shouldn't be possible?" jimmy says, with a sense of urgency joel has never heard from him before.

grian hesitates for a moment, and joel recognises it—grian always does this when he's about to say something either bizarre or embarrassing. or both, more often than not. "the game- it thinks we're soulbound."

there's a pause as everyone seems to process this ridiculous information, before jimmy says, "it- but why does it hurt? tango grew wings in double life, and he didn't even notice until his shirt got torn."

"there's- it's a.. thing." grian audibly winces as he speaks, as if he knows exactly how terrible whatever he’s going to say will sound and is preemptively apologetic. of course. "the closer soulmates are—like, emotionally close, I mean—the less painful it is- and vice versa. but- the game thinks we're soulmates, which. I assume is- is 'cause we're close. so since we're not actually soulbound-"

"it thinks that must be distance." scott realises. joel is gonna murder someone once he regains the use of his body.

joel groans, dropping his head to the ground in exhausted exasperation. "why's everything so.. weirdwith you?" he manages.

"i’m so sorry." grian says, voice quiet enough that joel thinks only he was meant to hear it.

joel is about to tell him not to worry about it when a kind of pain he’s never felt before in his life shoots through his back- and the ripping of flesh is all he can hear, a scream forcing its way from his mouth- primeval and torturous. he’s never felt pain before- he’s never felt death before- there can be nothing worse than this.

it feels like years until joel realises that he is beginning to see shapes again, that there are other noises in the world other than his own whimpers of agony, that the terrible tearing is not all he can feel anymore. there's something that feels like a viscous kind of liquid against his skin, and a sickly sweet smell that he can’t quite name. healing potion, joel recognises as the pain begins to lessen.

after a long moment, joel finds himself able to push himself into a sitting position- and almost falls backwards as newfound weight pulls him down again. jimmy is in front of him all of a sudden, catching his shoulders and wiping something wet off his face. it could be tears, or blood, or potion—joel has no idea.

"you- you with us?" jimmy asks, a scared-looking smile on his face, as if trying to reassure joel of something he can't bring himself to trust. "you’re not- you’re feeling better?"

joel nods, suddenly exhausted and more thankful than he realised for the warmth of jimmy's hands against his arms. "you- you guys are such nerds."

jimmy grins, looking ridiculously relieved at being insulted, and there's a soft laugh from next to him that sounds like grian. "yeah?" jimmy says. "how's that?"

"not- not sure if I misheard, but." joel takes a breath, and jimmy squeezes his arm gently. "'think you care about me so much that the game thinks we're soulmates. and you- you turned me into a watcher, or something." joel manages a grin.

"yeah. you heard right." jimmy says, and there's a rush of affection in joel's chest. "I- do you want to lie down or something, 'cause you look like you’re about to pass out."

joel answers by shuffling slowly forwards and falling onto jimmy—far too tired and in far too much pain to let the embarrassment stop him. jimmy gives a slight gasp of worry, before wrapping his arms around joel's waist, lower than joel expected him to. it takes a second for him to remember that- he has wings now, which are probably in the way of normal hugs. jimmy presses a kiss into joel's hair, and he makes a soft sound of content.

"sorry I took so long." martyn's voice comes from somewhere behind him, more nervous than joel thinks he’s heard him in a while. man, he should grow wings more often if it makes everyone this scared. how's that for a trap? "we didn’t- I wasn't sure you’d be able to eat the apple-"

martyn's explanation is reduced to white noise in joel's ears, and- void, he’s tired. jimmy's heartbeat is audible from where joel is leant against him, and he can almost feel the way his own heart stutters to catch up; he wonders if grian's heart is at the same pace, with whatever this bizarre game has done to deign them unofficial soulmates. he wishes he had enough energy to pull grian into their hug and see for himself if their hearts all beat in unison now.

something occurs to him all of a sudden, and joel closes his eyes. he isn’t sure- and now probably is the worst time to try this kind of thing out, when he has no idea how any of it works, but maybe he can.. do something with this whole watcher thing.

joel feels as if he’s trying to use a muscle that doesn’t exist—like some kind of phantom limb—but after a moment, grian's face comes into view. it's easier than he thought it'd be. almost like controlling a timelapse drone, but with your mind, and also the video is directly transmitted into your brain. it's pretty cool.

there's a stab of regret as joel stops congratulating himself on such a good job, and actually takes in the amount of guilt etched into every line of grian's face. his stomach drops as he turns (kind of? he sorta- uh. hard to explain, actually) and sees that jimmy is wearing a painfully similar expression. almost scared to see, joel looks at martyn and scott, and is at least vaguely reassured to see that they just look worried. frankly, if joel ever saw scott looking guilty because of joel, he'd have to end his own series.

"it- it's not your fault y'know." joel manages—more of a mumble than anything else, but grian and jimmy both seem to know he’s talking to them. "'s kinda cool. I should probably thank you."

grian is looking at him- or, maybe his.. watcher drone? either way, he seems to know he’s being looked at. "I am sorry, either way." he says, but he doesn’t look as devastated as he did a moment ago. "I didn’t- I should have told you what could happen."

joel snorts. "if you thought I was about to turn down cool powers and wings, you don’t know me well enough." he finds that it's getting somehow easier to speak, despite being exhausted, and he remembers the healing potion still travelling through his veins. he never thought he'd be this thankful for martyn- probably ever.

grian smiles, and it feels as if a knot in joel's chest has dissipated. "you’re definitely getting the hang of it."

jimmy hums in agreement. "it's not called a drone though." he says, and it very suddenly occurs to joel what a listener must be able to do. "I- did you not already know?"

"how was I meant to?" joel huffs, watching with slight embarrassment as jimmy smiles at it. "you’re a secretive lot."

"so- and I hate to disrupt this," scott suddenly says, and joel suppresses an instinctive groan. "but do you need any more help?"

there's a mischievous kind of look that flashes across grian's face, if only for a second, and joel can't help but feel reassured by the fact that he's getting back to normal. "well- we could use a couple allies?"

scott sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I can’t really turn you down now, can I?" he says, and there's a weird kind of tone that makes joel wonder if he’s actually as annoyed as he’s putting on.

"I just grew wings." joel mumbles, unintentionally quiet but apparently effectively sympathetic, as even martyn seems to be swayed. look at him go. "'can’t just.. throw us to the wolves now."

scott rubs his face with a hand, clearly throughly exasperated at how easily he has been won over. "yeah- okay, fine. we can be allies."

"thanks." jimmy grins a little, and joel watches as scott softens ever so slightly at it.

joel opens his eyes, and he’s once again staring into the coral reef, facing away from everyone else. jimmy's hand is in his hair, and his back is only aching now. he’s a little worried to move, in case it all starts feeling abysmal again, but he can hardly spend the rest of his 24 hours on the mean gills' bridge.

"I could carry you." jimmy suggests, and joel makes a noise of concern—thinking about how precarious they've made their base. "that's- yeah, that's a good point."

"could you try to stand?" grian says tentatively. his voice sounds closer than it was a moment ago, and there's a hand on joel's shoulder that has to be grian's. "the pain shouldn't get too much worse, since the potion has actually fixed a lot of the wounds."

joel wonders if grian can read minds too, or if he just knows what joel would be thinking. he doesn’t think he can read minds, which suggests that- maybe grian just knows him that well. it's a nice thought.

he pushes himself slightly more upward, regretful as he leaves the warmth of jimmy's embrace- and immediately begins to fall backwards again, once again completely forgetting how unbalanced he is now. both jimmy and grian make noises of panic before joel catches himself before he topples all the way over, and he can’t help grinning despite the twinge of pain the sudden movement shoots through his back- and wings, which is a bizarre feeling.

"I might need some help not falling over." joel grins, as grian stands up and lends him a hand. "but it doesn’t hurt that much anymore."

"that's good." grian says, a wave of relief overtaking his expression. joel squeezes his hand, and grian smiles.

jimmy is at his side before joel realises. "maybe we avoid bread bridge for a bit." he says, and joel snorts.

the journey back to the mansion is not nearly as perilous as joel had worried it'd be, considering that it's day and anyone they bumped into seemed to notice the dried blood accompanying the very large wings on joel's back and presumably decided that trying to kill them now would just be rude. the downright murderous looks from both jimmy and grian when someone came a little too close with a weapon, or made just a bit too serious of a threat probably also helped.

instead of attempt to swim with the unfamiliar weight of his newgrown wings, joel elects to pillar up instead. jimmy and grian hover next to him, climbing onto trees and swimming up the water in some attempt to provide a safety net if he falls. admittedly, it's quite sweet- not that he's about to tell them that. he instead settles on insisting that he knows how to pillar up, and praying to every deity that might exist for him not to fall off immediately.

luckily, no one falls or dies or whatever, and they all make it to the top of the mansion in one piece. joel is prepared to pass out in their bed as soon as he reaches it, but he doesn’t really want his bad boys to worry even more at his exhaustion.

as if reading his mind- oh. he forgot- yeah, he can actually do that, can't he? it- anyway, jimmy plops himself down, and gestures for grian and joel to join him—which joel happily obliges. grian almost hesitates, but joel drags him along, and grian doesn't even bother protesting.

joel lays next to jimmy, and grian—who followed quickly after him—pulls him into a hug. huffing softly, joel hugs back. "it's okay." he mumbles into grian's shoulder. "I promise- i'd say something if it weren't."

"I know." grian half-whispers, clearly fighting tears. "i’m- I just can’t get over- I did this to you."

joel swallows more emotion than he expected. "yeah. but- it's- it's 'cause you care. it's not- I can’t hate that." grian makes a little noise that could be a suppressed sob.

"thank you." joel can barely make it out, but he can’t help but blink back tears at the honesty in it- from grian, of all people, that means a lot.

his wings are still sore, and moving them sends an ache down his back, but joel finds himself wanting to wrap them around grian. "I just- I also- y’know. care." joel says, kind of hoping it's too muffled for either grian or jimmy to hear. "it's- I like having.. I don’t know, a piece of you guys with me."

grian sniffles, holding joel tighter. "I- dude, you’re- you’re gonna make me cry."

"join the club." joel huffs a laugh, eyes burning. he buries his face in grian's jumper in the hopes that it'll wipe away any tears that come.

there's a very quiet clearing of someone's throat next to them—unmistakably jimmy. joel doesn’t even need to look up to know he’s also trying not to start crying, and he blindly reaches out a hand until he finds jimmy's shirt and pulls him towards them both. grian catches on, shifting a little to make room for their bad boy.

"I- I didn’t wanna ruin the moment." jimmy is saying as both grian and joel drag him into the hug.

joel can't help smiling as he feels jimmy wrap his arms around him, which- it's embarrassing, but weirdly, he doesn’t even care. "as if either of you could ruin anything." he scoffs, almost to himself.

there's a kiss pressed into his hair, and grian laughs as joel rolls his eyes (if only to disguise how much he appreciates it). "bad boys for life, right?"

jimmy mhms along as joel grins, "bad boys for life."

#the title is maybe a bit on the nose but I was struggling with song lyrics and monster by dodie is one of my favourites #gore #body horror #how else do you tag growing wings very violently #joel smallishbeans #smallishbeans #grian #jimmy solidarity #solidaritygaming #bad boys #the bad boys #limited life smp #the end may be a bit weird but honestly idec it's been 7 months #wren writes #trafficblr #trafficfic

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aleisters · 13 hours ago

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i am making the sappy post about darby, finally.

the shoot love in wrestling is something that really gets to me. and it really gets to me with darby because he's a quintessential underdog. like, shoot he used to be a loner and honestly kind of a loser and a guy with an ugly personality. he can be awkward and stuttering and lisping and he has a really fucking mixed bag of tattoos.

if you go back and watch old interviews with him, he's borderline extremely unpleasant, he's rude and obnoxious, it's often demonstrably clear that he's not happy for some reason or another. he's never really mean to the interviewer, but "shows up to the facetime interview from his bed" is like. okay.

but after he joined aew, he started getting better. for the past year and a half especially he's become someone you can trust with things. he's smiley, he doesn't talk deep and slow to account for his lisp anymore. he's trusted to do things, to do media interviews, to carry around belts, to say he wants to be world champ, to represent aew in the climbing of mount everest. tony khan is paying for some (if not all?) of his mountain climbing training. that's insane.

and i don't think you get who darby is today - outwardly generous (he has random people staying with him all the time, to learn to wrestle, to lose weight with his help, whatever they want), smiley and friendly and personable - without the shoot love. you don't have who darby is today without the fact that tony khan believes in him so much. without his idolisation of jon moxley, and that moxley believes in him for real too. you don't get it without darby being trusted to work with sting - sting! the iconic wrestler sting! and then sting trusting darby's opinion that sting can return to in-ring wrestling (instead of just cinematic amtches). in the present, darby is training sting's son to wrestle. all of that is love.

there's love with the bucks too, who wanted to hire him, who love that he skateboards and stuck up for him incorporating that into his gimmick. who have wanted to wrestle with him before and then got to do that multiple times this year. darby who appears in the background of bte doing stuff like building skateboards for matt. who nick does all the primary checking-on during stunts in their matches. darby can't manage to kayfabe say a bad word about them, he's like "yeah the bucks hired me and i'm so grateful for everything they've done and they're amazing. btw they suck yeah boo hiss evps" it's fucking... cute...

and darby and brody have such a long and deep friendship that they can't wrestle without brody making some proclamation about how they're going to do it forever. brody has a tattoo about darby. eddie kingston had darby for about 1 match before becoming a Ruffling His Hair guy. adam copeland went one step further and said i'd had this boy for one match and i'm going to cuddle him and kiss him on tv. ridiculous sweet stuff.

i'm not putting darby on a pedestal, because he's fallible and imperfect and he's done weird and bad stuff, but i'm not using this post to talk about something that requires a genuine nuanced conversation, i'm using it to talk pathetic and wax romantic about my number one favourite wrestler.

i think he is one of those people who you can really shoot see the development of from an unfriendly gremlin into like, a gremlin that everyone loves for some reason. everyone around him loves him and wants to give him good opportunities and he pays that back so much, as often as possible. he does it by being the pinch hitter when nobody else is right for it, even at the expense of his own body. he does it by raising money for the skateparks that saved him as a kid. he does it by looking after the people around him - making sure his parents never have to work again. he does it by wrestling well, at the top of his game and still improving.

and i'm soft and i believe that love did all that. i think without the people who love him he'd still be a weird off-putting little mess.

and i hope 2025 is his year. i wanna see him at the top of every mountain he wants to climb.

#tal.png #darby allin #runs arund in. a circle.#yes i'm outing myself as a loser and a guy with a tender heart

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bringbackmaes14 · 2 days ago

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My mom has her TV on in her room almost 24/7 and it's always on some news outlet or other. We talk a lot about politics and world/national/local events. And we do have a lot of varying views on a lot of things but we're both adults who are capable of saying "well we've both stated we have differing opinions and it's clear that we're actually arguing at this point and not just talking so let's put away the topic for now." But there are also other times where I'm just too overwhelmed by my own life to think about what's going on in the bigger world around me, so my mom knows to be hesitant to bring up news stuff with me (i.e. she doesn't just start talking about politics/world events with me rather she'll ask if I'm in the mindset to discuss things when she wants my opinion on something). This is all relevant.

We've always been able to talk about nearly everything from the economy to the school system to human rights to human tragedy and we've never tried to censor ourselves around each other (outside of getting too emotional with our language). But about two weeks ago when the United Healthcare CEO was assassinated, my mom, who is in her 50s, came to me and she said "Did you see that the CEO of United Healthcare got unalived?"

And I just sat there and looked at her completely confused and she was like "did you not hear about it? It's all over the news. It happened in clear view on the street." Like the problem was that I hadn't heard of the event not that my Gen-X mother had just in a real life conversation said the word "unalived".

And I told her as much. "Yes I've heard that. Why did you say 'unalived' instead of 'murdered'?

And she told me that she just thought that since I'm touchy about heavier topics sometimes (which is definitely true, that does occasionally happen) she thought it would be better to just not use the "heavy" words. I asked her if she realized, honestly, how stupid that was because regardless of the word she used, she was still talking about a murder, it didn't change the subject matter, she was only making the subject matter seem less significant and severe by changing the word to baseless internet lingo that a bunch of misguided, clout-chasing influencers spread.

She hadn't. She's doesn't use the Internet replacement words a lot, online or otherwise. This was a first. She thought this was a different situation, and a fine one to use it in, and like the above stories people shared, it's still not.

I'm allowed to say there are days where I want to avoid heavier topics because I'm overwhelmed. I'm allowed to not ever really discuss certain topics because they actually trigger me based on my own experiences. But people who are out here living their whole lives like just talking about about difficult or controversial topics, or asking questions about it, or enjoying media where it's portrayed (especially when it's actually portrayed respectfully) are being ridiculous, and they're handicapping themselves. They're never going to learn how to talk about hard things, or how to handle hard things. And honestly I feel bad for them.

Luckily, in my case, once I explained why my mom saying what she said was incredibly weird and honestly devaluing to the conversation, she backtracked and told me that (like I said above) she doesn't talk like that regularly and she has no intention to start; it's just that this was a huge news event and that day had been particularly rough for me emotionally and she wasn't sure how to approach it. So her intentions were good and I'm very lucky that she understands and also agrees that the Internet censorship language is incredibly unnecessary.

we have GOT to kill tiktok/twitter self-censorship i just witnessed a grown adult say the word “smex” out loud to our professor

#internet language #censorship #internet lingo #tiktokification #dot says

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velvetvexations · 11 hours ago

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Re the anon talking about ppl claiming that you can do forcefem in a way that isn't kinky and therefore is sfw & shouldn't be tagged – THANK YOU. As an ace person who is both somewhat sex averse and mildly involved in kink (basically I like erotica (of the fantastical, impossible to do in reality variety) & write some of it but I have to be in the right mood and I'm uncomfortable with actually having sex or having sexual interactions that aren't clearly roleplay), I was a little upset with some friends a few years ago for making sexual comments about me (like joking about whether I'm a top/bottom or saying things like 'step on me', etc). I asked them if they could stop/tone it down a little and my actually close friends did but a few kept getting defensive about how it was clearly a joke and they were saying I was a bottom in a slang/meme way and didn't mean anything sexual by it. And like... the point isn't how you intend for something to come across, the point is how it's received and the words you're saying are clearly sexual and it's starting to get weird. Something doesn't stop being rude or straight up sexual harassment if you mean it as a joke/in a nonsexual way.

I'm not a Puritan by any means. All kink (involving consensual adults) is fine by me but being sex-positive also means respecting that some people aren't into your kinks or sex in general and to not get offended if someone unfollows you because of untagged kink/nsfw or leaves a conversation because they're squicked out. (Seriously, we need to bring back the concept of 'squicks' to communicate that there's nothing morally wrong with certain kinks but some can still gross you out and you can choose to avoid them.) Rebranding what's clearly a kink and is understood to be a kink anywhere that's not this website, especially one that can clearly be triggering to people, and calling anyone who doesn't want to see it transmisogynists is just... weird.

(Also while I have 0 problems with people who transition for kink reasons or people who have gender-related kinks, it sets a kind of dangerous precedent for seriously claiming something like forcefem is trans praxis when one of the most common transphobic & specifically transmisogynistic lines of attack is that being trans is sexually motivated & trans people are groomer pedophiles, etc etc. If you think of your transition/gender as forcefemming then cool! Good for you! Kink is an important part of queerness. But maybe try to not apply that to the entire community when there are people who don't feel the same and there are people who are put in real physical danger because of those assumptions that being trans is inherently sexual.)

This is especially true of forcefem because "nonsexual forcefem" is literally just transmascs being forced to detransition. People with non-con kinks kinna have a big responsibility to not go about it in a way that's triggering to other people.

#vexatious #forcefem #ace phobia #transandro phobia #discourse

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theokusgallery · 17 hours ago

Note

Hiiii I saw you say you have Notes on your Remus and Janus designs 👀👀?

Could we see/hear some tidbits?

FOR SURE !! Here's what the original doodles for their designs look like, first off, (I know you didn't ask for Virgil but I did these three at the same time)

When I drew this I had just finished an exam and had to wait another hour until I could leave the classroom, so I wrote down enough notes that I had to flip the page instead:

Virgil:

- Virgil has light brown hair that he dyes black (badly). It is essential that the dye job look like shit. It looks artificial, his roots are showing, there's patches where the color didn't take, etc etc.

- He also has blue eyes, which I decided on mostly because it makes it even more clear that his hair isn't naturally black.

- He wears earrings, but his ears aren't actually pierced — they're fake little little clip-on things.

- He wears black nail polish at all times, but it's always chipped because he gets the cheapest stuff he can get his hands on.

- His hair (especially his bangs) get very long at times because he gets too socially anxious to go to the hairdresser. Back in middle school, he used to have Janus cut them for him (Remus could have done a better job but trusting him with scissors would have been a mistake). Now he mostly cuts it off by himself — it looks about as good as his dye job.

- Virgil's purple hoodie is a leftover from Remus' fashion design endeavors that Remus thought didn't look weird enough.

Janus:

- He has naturally strawberry blonde hair. The length is very important to him — he started growing it towards the end of middle school. (He allows Remus to experiment with hairdos sometimes as long as he doesn't cut anything off. I need to draw that sometime)

- I'm not entirely settled on his eye color. I know at least one of his eyes is a very pretty brown, but I have half a mind to give him a yellow glass eye for his left side — I'm not sure it'd make any logistic sense for his situation, though

- He got his ears actually pierced when he was 16.

- He also may or may not have a forked tongue. Not sure how I'd ever be able to show that off — but if he does have one, then Remus definitely was the one to encourage him to do it.

- His fashion style was definitely influenced by being around Remus (who may have used him as a mannequin/dummy because he's small.) so much. Remus also attempted to make clothes for him, but Janus is very fancy and picky, so he doesn't wear those clothes very often (though he might accessorize with stuff Remus made for him occasionally).

Remus:

- He has naturally very dark hair. He uses temporary/surface level dyes a lot, but if he's using permanent or semi-permanent dyes, he's usually limiting himself to the grey streak — it's kind of a sample strand, since it's already bleached. He 100% copied his hairstyle from Roman's.

- He (and Roman, of course) has greenish blue eyes.

- Janus paid for him to get his ears (and eyebrows) professionally pierced because otherwise he was just going to do it himself with a sewing needle.

- He has a lot of very shitty stick-and-poke tattoos he made/makes on himself. They're almost always hidden by his outfits.

- Speaking of which, Remus makes most of his outfits costumes himself. The quality of the work may vary, but they are always way too over-the-top for casual wear, because he stands out anyway, so... in for a penny, right. (As I said in the tags of a post: he is very creative and has no shame or social anxiety at all, so he had his whole aesthetic ("overdramatic green") figured out by the time he was 13)

- He also has SH scars, but, again — they're hidden by his outfits 99% of the time. He's a slut who never shows an inch of skin

#their design go in order of intensity Virgil → Janus → Remus #virgil likes to express himself but is too chicken to do anything too extreme so he's limited to softcore emo #janus is definitely fancier than most but he wears stuff i still definitely see every day at my uni #(i see people wearing corsets regularly at my uni idk what other people's experiences are. English litt major in a non-English country...)#(for those who don't know that's a gay as fuck major)#and then Remus looks like he's in the middle of a stage production every single day. with makeup to match #OH this is somewhat of a college AU ! Roman is also there and Remus' class does costumes for Roman's occasionally #Roman does theater and Remus does visual arts (design major/fashion minor bc there was no fashion major)#Janus and Patton are philosophy majors and of course Virgil is a psychology major #and then we have Logan in biochemical ingeneering for obvious reasons.#i have so much lore sorry for rambling .#anyway they keep a lot of their original designs because it just fits them #BUT i needed to include virgil having a shitty hairdo/dye and etc because he is. SUCH a try-hard in my mind.#emo sure. but he looks wannabe emo. it's Essential. he's fake ! he wants to fit in! with the gay kids sure but he still wants to fit in!#it's very clear that his hair is dyed because it's very clear that he is a wannabe. it is so important to me.#also the tidbit about him not being able to go to the hairdresser. is ALSO SO IMPORTANT. he pretends the shitty hairstyle is intentional.#even his signature hoddie is someone else's leftovers. He Borrows. From A Lot Of Places. but he doesnt have a real identity of his own yet.#you wouldnt guess while reading these tags but im actually way more passionate avout Janus and Remus than i am about virgil #it's just that i project onto virgil so so so much .#anyway SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE AGAIN. I KEEP DOING THAT #ask #idrawgaystffs #sanders sides #lbau #drawing #traditional #rant #do i character tag this. i dont feel like feel like character tagging this #OH AND thank you so much for asking !!! as you can tell i really like talking . about them

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iceclew · 17 hours ago

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3rd Division grown-ups having a few drinks too much at the christmas fair. (at least Kafka and Nakanoshima had)

I dunno.. it came to me and I did not stop myself, what else can I say, cause.. what better time draw my personal headcanon of overly-freezing Hoshina than christmas, plus sprinkle a bit off overly attacked Kafka on top to enlighten myself, right?

And I am not used to draw the other platoon leaders plus Okonomi, so they look especially weird, but 'm still glad I managed to give em a try as well!!

So maybe they DID went to an awfully european looking christmas fair and had a drink, and Hoshina didn't catch the time right and had to hurry and come in work clothing, and maybe it was awfully cold, and he already did borrow Kafka's scarf, but was still freezing, so said Kafka aka. the Kaiju-termal-walking-radiator, also aka. Mr.-Had-a-few-drinks-too-much is helping out to keep the second best fighter of the 3rd Division from death by cold for the sake of the country that is of course..? And Nakanoshima would be weeping so hard in simp-girl-style, and Kafka would make so much fun about how drunk she is(while not being any more sober of course) and all the others would cringe the shit because of them.. And Hoshina.exe just stopped working because of all the internal screaming, wether the not-freeze-anymore part is actually reason enough for everyone around to justify him not stepping out of the situation. Also Okonogi is wailing cause she explicitly told him about the appointment, plus offered to get warmer clothes for him, but he refused since that would mean she's had to leave only to get him stuff. And Nakanoshima "whispers" to herself that she can't wait to get a picture of them for the 3D BL, and everybody is looking at her like wtf u talking about drunk woman, and that's when Ikaruga's looses it. And Mina? Mina is having the time of her life, enjoying all the good time they're having :) (plus already made a selfie with all of them in the back in secret)

Yeah...that's my weird thoughts around christmas, this is the stuff I am thinking about. Very merry, I know.... XD

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, OR A GREAT DAY IN GENERAL FOR THOSE NOT CELEBRATING!! :)

*lying on the floor hands in her red face*

why DAFUCK am I still doing this to myself!?!?! I absolutelly HATE illustratiing at the moment, I can't do colours, I can't to backgrounds, and there is so much WEIRD in this *points at all of it* ..you know what fck it. It IS what it FCKING is, my overly cringe christmas present for you guys. XD

...no, for real now

I found a place to stay that inspires me like nothing did in over a decade, and I am utterly grateful for that. As much as others might say, this is "just" fandom/social media/internet/not RL, this is all very real to me, and simply made me feel better in times I was low or struggling. And this also was the start to switch my own mindset of what I love and what I want to do, what I perhaps can do, and therefore the time on this site and with you guys was very special to me so far.. :)

Feel HUGGED and SMOOCHED, wherever you are, and however you do or do not celebrate, have a good one :)

#Since the festivities take place on christmas eve (24th) in my country I'm already posting this today #I am talking to much to make myself feel better and justify my own work again #*shoves that aside*#merry christmus kaiju fans :)#kn8 #kaiju no 8 #kaiju no. 8 #kafhoshi #icy's art #ice draws very cringy but she draws #mutuals and followers and tumblr people feel loved you are amazing

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scoobydoodean · 1 day ago

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#but is this a safe space to be honest tho#definitely letting that go on and on unaddressed was in character for Dean and he was handling it#good for him#but i was a bit baffled that everyone else was like#oh you got this then? good deal#i mean i know they were worried but it just seemed ooc that sam and cas weren't like obsessively trying to deal with it#they both know how strong arch angels can be#and sam especially would have baggage about having an angel hanging out and banging on your brain cells indefinitely...#idk just seemed weird#but dean#good job sweetie#we're all so proud (via @minxyone93)

No but you're right. Like. Not to turn a simple post about Dean being a badass into a bitter post but you're RIGHT. Dean was worried enough about his control slipping and Michael escaping to make his mal'ak box plan. One would think that that would have impressed the seriousness of Dean's condition on the group. But two episodes later in Ouroboros, Sam is already being avoidant again and ignoring that Dean is not okay. When Rowena pushes him on how Dean is possibly managing, he insists that Dean is fine, "Because he's Dean. And Dean is Dean. He's fine." Sam insists that working is what's best for all of them, when it objectively isn't. It is a stupid and unnecessary risk to place Dean in the line of fire, and it backfires absolutely spectacularly.

Cas notes while they are working the case that Dean just sitting and drinking a cup of coffee is a herculean feat. And Dean opens up to him about not being okay, and also about feeling he is not really allowed to say that because dealing is expected of him no matter what.

Castiel: Are you really fine? Dean: I don't know, Cas. But that's what I'm supposed to say, right? "I'm fine," keep on moving? That's what we all say. Castiel: No, Dean. Dean: Okay. There's this pounding in my head. It never stops. Michael's in there, and he is fighting hard to get out. And I can't let my guard down not for a second. I'm barely even sleeping. Castiel: Well, that's not sustainable. Dean: No. No. It's probably not. But no point in complaining about it. It's on me. Castiel: No. It's on us. We are here to help you.

Dean tells Cas he is barely sleeping and that he cannot let his guard down for even a second, and Cas says that is unsustainable and that they're there to help him... but... are they? Because Dean being on this case at all is absolutely idiotic given the information Dean has previously and just now revealed about the tenuous hold he has on Michael. And still... no one suggests that Dean does not have to force himself to do this case with them— that it's a bad idea to bring Dean on a case involving an incredibly powerful, slippery monster they've never faced before while Dean is barely able to sleep and unable to let his guard down for even a moment. And lo and behold—Dean's head gets repeatedly smashed into a fucking wall and Michael gets out.

You ever just remember Dean kept an archangel trapped in his mind for months on nothing but sheer willpower?

#And I'm not saying Dean isn't a big boy and that he couldn't have assessed the situation too and insisted on being excluded.#But if we're talking everybody pulling their head out of their asses there seems to be a large case of ass eating disease going on here.#As well as yet another case of Dean's emotional state being deliberately ignored by Sam because Sam is scared.#14.12 #14.14 #i just stopped #<—for Sam's avoidant tendencies #I do firmly believe this very silly plot is intended to illustrate how Sam's avoidant tendencies #(especially when it comes to Dean's emotions) hamper his ability to effectively lead.#And all his red shirts get sacrificed on the altar of that avoidance.#This is also why I say RE: the ending that it's hard not to feel Sam is being punished.#But season 15 is stupid so.

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mama-qwerty · 1 day ago

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Sonic 3 Review

Okay guys, I'm still gonna do some breakdowns of scenes and characters (feel free to keep sending in asks if you have something specific you want my take on), but wanted to get my thoughts on the movie out there.

Keep in mind that I came into Sonic through the movies, and have never played or watched any cut scenes from the older games. I have no idea the actual plot and specific details of any of them, just a vague "this happened in some game or another" in the broadest of senses.

So I didn't come into Sonic 3 with any preconceived ideas about what should be in it regarding Shadow's story. The movieverse is a separate universe (as are all Sonic media, in my mind), so even if there were some things that were different, I took them in correlation with what's been established, or what can be done under the rules and physics of the movie's world building.

Obviously spoilers ahead:

All in all, I found the movie fun, and it told a good story with good characterizations. The action started quickly and kept steady through most of it. We had an exciting introduction to Shadow at the very beginning, when he woke up and chose violence, and it was a good way to start things off.

Yeah, it was a little goofy in some parts, but this is a movie made to appeal to children, so Jeff and Co. couldn't go all into the angst for the whole thing. There were some parts I would have done differently, or omitted entirely, but if you look at the more weird parts of the movie as kind of along the same lines as Boom (especially for the dance number in the laser hallway) you can roll with it.

There were many moments that tugged at your heartstrings, and a few very powerful moments that I've already talked about. There is a much more emotional impact in this one that was missing from the first two, as our boys struggle with their actions and how they affect others. They were all handled very well, with each having a good role to play in the story.

The climax was great, and it was exciting to see Sonic and Shadow working together.

As I said, all in all, a really fun ride and my whole family enjoyed it a lot.

That said, let's look at a few of the points that I see some complaining about, and my take on them.

Not Enough Wachowski Family Moments

Okay, this one I will kinda agree with. We got a teeny peek into their dynamic is a family at the beginning, right before Rockwell showed up to whisk the boys away to clean up their mess. It would have been nice to see them all interacting more, to see how Knux and Tails have fit into this dynamic.

Devil's Advocate - There's only so much screen time available, and we know they're a family. We don't need to be bludgeoned over the head with fluffy scenes of the boys doing chores and having group hugs and all that. It would have slowed the narrative, and in the end, all that would not further reinforce the idea that they've come together as a family any more than their camping trip and celebration for Sonic's "B-Earth-day" already established.

Shadow's Origin Change

In the movieverse, Gerald claims that Shadow came to Earth encased in a meteorite. His energy readings were off the scale, so they took him to a facility to study him. He was not originally created by Gerald, and was simply an alien come to Earth and then taken to be studied.

Devil's Advocate - I have no opinion regarding this change, as the movieverse is different from any other media. They've already altered backstories where they needed, to make things at least somewhat 'realistic' and allow the boys to exist in 'our' world without major complications of Sonic just running around as a child fighting Eggman, and Knuckles being the last of his kind and having thousands of years separating him from his closest ancestors. (Not to mention the size change of the Master Emerald - having one the size of a VW Beetle would have been a little hard to hide or cart around.)

Having Shadow arrive kinda like Stitch is fitting in this version of the Sonic verse, as going into a lengthy explanation of how Gerald could manage to create a space hedgehog from scratch, when Angel Island may or may not exist, would have pushed suspension of disbelief a little much.

Maria's Not Sick

I thought the whole "Gerald takes her with him everywhere" thing for Maria seemed a bit flimsy, especially since she wasn't sick and in need of him to find a cure for her. They were in a super high security facility and there's this girl who's just allowed to wander freely simply because she's the granddaughter of the lead scientist?

I would have liked to see more of the reasoning behind her being there. And more of Maria and Shadow's relationship, especially from Shadow's side.

Devil's Advocate - Despite my comments above, I actually liked that they didn't make Maria's defining factor be her illness. She was a character in her own right, and befriended Shadow out of her own kindness, and not simply because he was created to cure her, and thus they were kinda forced to be together. She reached out immediately, and essentially kidnapped him from his tests to show him how to have fun. She showed him kindness, not because he was supposed to be her 'cure', but because she saw this little boy, all alone, and treated as a thing by the scientists, and took it upon herself to show him that he was more than that.

Too Much Gerald and Eggman Screentime

I will admit that sometimes it did seem like they were focusing a little too much on the Robotniks. We were subjected to a montage of Eggman living out little moments of childhood 'milestones' with Gerald, and that aforementioned dance number in the hallway was reminiscent of the dance battle in the second movie. Kinda silly.

Devil's Advocate - I think these scenes were to delve a little into Ivo's character a bit. It was established in the first one that he was an orphan, and through the second it reinforced the idea that he thought he didn't need anyone. He pushed people away, built his walls, and hid behind his bots. But now that he's faced with an actual blood relative, who seems to want him around, all those walls came down and we saw the hurt little boy within Ivo. This only made it hurt all the more when Gerald turned on him. And damnit, I actually felt bad for Ivo in that moment.

The Master Emerald/Chaos Emeralds

There is some confusion as to how these things worked. At the end of the 2nd movie, Sonic very distinctly sent all the chaos emeralds away. Knuckles reformed the Master Emerald without them. But in this movie, Sonic went Super with the Master Emerald, and somehow the chaos emeralds were still within it.

Devil's Advocate - Yeah, I got nothin'. 😆 Not sure if there was a deleted scene explaining that or something, but it seemed a pretty glaring continuity error.

But, whatevs. We go with it. 'Cause dis is how we roll.

And as an aside WHY DO YOU HATE WADE, JEFF??? Seriously, there were so many other ways to handle that scene, and you did THAT to him?? UUUGGGGHGGHGHGHGHh

Sonic Didn't Call Tom and Maddie "Dad and Mom"

Okay, yeah, I agree with this one. He called Tom 'Dad' at the end of the 2nd, meaning he finally accepted them as his parents. They call themselves a family. And yes, I will accept that he may slip back into their names during lighter times, when it's an emotional scene, he should call them "Mom and Dad". Such as in the cave and when Tom was hurt.

Devil's Advocate - Yeah, no, I can't argue with this. You can't have him call Tom 'Dad' in the last movie and then never touch on that again. The boys didn't even call each other 'brothers', for crying out loud! The perfect place to do that would have been the cornfield, and it was still 'friends'. THEY ARE BROTHERS YOUR HONOR AND TOM AND MADDIE ARE THEIR PARENTS

~~~

I'm not saying the movie was 100% perfect. There were things I found silly, or unnecessary. Things I would have done differently.

But taking a step back and looking at the full picture, and not just the individual brush strokes, it was entertaining, fun, and had more than a few moments that I found really powerful, much more than either of the previous ones did.

I'm excited to see where they go in the next one. Things are really ramping up.

#sonic 3 #sonic 3 spoilers #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog

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manda-kat · 2 days ago

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Sometimes you really just have to let people be mad at you.

I've known several people with anxiety, RSD and other personal hurdles that lead them to be super aware of tone changes and anything that may hint at a person being angry or upset at them. A lot of those relationships didn't end very well, but hey- my heartbreak can be your learning opportunity! (This is especially important if you know you have a tendency to overthink relationships)

It's okay to just let the other person be mad at you!

Here's a story that's happened to me a few times. Someone meets me, becomes my friend and everything is great until one day I suddenly change. I give them a weird tone or I don't respond like I usually do. I must be angry at them. They ask if I'm angry at them. I say no. They aren't convinced. Every time they ask me, I tell them I'm fine. They don't know how to make me tell them what's bothering me. I become more distant every time they ask. Finally it comes to a head and they're convinced I hate them and they've ruined the entire relationship by being a terrible person.

Meanwhile, on my side of things, we're both enjoying life until one day out of the blue they ask if I'm angry at them. I have no reason to be angry at them. I say no. They continue to ask over and over again, each time getting reassurance that I'm not angry. It comes to a point where I'm pretty sure I must be doing something to upset them, but I have no idea what. We both become convinced the other person hates us.

If you ever feel stuck in this kind of situation, please try to just let it go. When you ask 'are you mad at me' and they say 'no'- take it as a no! You might not be as good at reading emotions as you think you are. Me personally? I have trouble expressing my emotions- especially over text. But for some reason, telling them that didn't help. They were convinced that they knew how I felt and that I was lying about not being angry.

So if you ask someone 'are you mad at me?' And they lie and tell you 'no'... that's a them problem. Either they don't want to push the issue OR they actually aren't upset at all. Either way, they won't want you to keep asking. If they're mad, let them be mad. They'll get over it easier if you don't keep bringing it up.

They're a big, mature person who can make their own emotional choices and can pick their own battles. If they AREN'T mature enough to deal with their emotions in a healthy way, then forcing them to keep addressing those issues is only going to upset both of you!

You don't need to face their feelings for them. They don't need to admit their frustration with you. If they're hiding their own feelings, then it's usually out of kindness. You don't need to know every single time someone is mad at you. That sounds like torture. Your friends don't want to torture you.

If you keep asking and pushing, then when you do finally upset them, they won't feel safe telling you because you've convinced them you're emotionally needy and can't handle negative feedback. Even if you're just trying to be mature, you can end up convincing them of the opposits.

Your relationships are going to develop their own spoken and unspoken rules over time, but a good rule of thumb is: ask once. If you REALLY think they're being dishonest with you, ask again, making it clear that you just want to make sure you haven't done anything wrong. If they insist they're fine, then they're fine. Move on.

It might be hard to just take someone's word for it and it feels like open communication may be the only way to keep a healthy relationship, but sometimes you need to have a little faith in your friend. Sometimes you need to be able to let sleeping dogs lie. If it's important enough for them to tell you, trust them to tell you.

Don't overcommunicate your friendships to death.

#long post

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catlady48 · 1 day ago

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On Loki in Marvel Rivals

Disclaimer: I know very little about the comics, except what I learned from posts here on Tumblr. Also, this will be a very long post.

I think Marvel Rivals did a great job with Loki's moveset. He's a ton of fun to play and other then that I kind of miss a move with throwing knives, I think his fighting style matches with what we see in the 2011-2013 movies. He is quite a bit slower though.

Loki's character model is very weird, you've probably seen the screenshot by another user that commented on his weird figure in the game. He has a narrow waist, but is uncharacteristically muscular and has broad shoulders. Just no. At least they didn't give him the over-muscular arms many male characters seem to have in this game. Some design choices here are a bit... questionable, to say the least. As for the outfit, I think OG!MCU!Loki would definitely wear the coat, pants and outer armour pieces, but I'm not sure about the rest of the outfit, especially that neck thing. I just don't think that's his style. I also have a bit of beef with what they did with his helmet. Those extra pointy bits are so unpractically. It will hinder with movement and Loki tends to rely on agility a lot in his fighting style (in the MCU at least, I still don't get why they made him so bulky here). The whole thing also looks a bit overdesigned when compared with the MCU's far more smooth design. I do like that the Jotun!Loki skin has the MCU!Jotnar design, since it's definitely a lot better than their design in the comics.

And now the elephant in the room: characterisation. The characterisation of all the characters in the game tends to borrow more from the comics, but some elements are taken from the MCU. Especially the fact that Hela is still the sister of Thor and Loki. However, the Scarlet Witch thankfully gets to have her comics backstory and personality rather than some of the more questionable things they did to her in the MCU (cough AoU cough).

This also goes for Loki, who seems to be most inspired by the older comics interpretations of him. The main point about his character that they keep pushing is that he wants to rule Asgard. SIGH. Guys, I know this is what the older comics used to be like but this hasn't been a thing for quite a while now. Neither MCU!Loki (series and Ragnarok don't count due to grave mischaracterisation sins) nor recent interpretations of comics!Loki want the throne. In fact, in the comics, Thor even says that any Loki who says they want a throne is a liar. Of course, being an entirely different timeline/canon/interpretation, Rivals can do whatever it likes and unlike the show and Ragnarok and some comic runs you can't really fault it for that. But still, I would've like to see an AoA or post AoA Loki interpretation for this game personality wise.

He is also quite arrogant in some of his lines, though some of them are reminiscent of some of the showboating from The Avengers. The thing is, even comics!Loki has/had a lot of self-esteem issues so just waiving those away doesn't sit well with me. On the other hand though, he seems comfortable with himself so good for him.

Sadly, they're going with the Loki is an untrustworthy, scheming bastard that must not be liked by any other character thing and the whole "christianised Tricksters are evil" thing and I had hoped for a more nuanced takek, personally. Especially since Thor and Odin are framed as 100 percent good people. Writers, I get that this is a funny hero shooter game and you wanted a Thor-Loki conflict for the Asgard maps, but you're letting so much nuance slide here.

The story is that apparently, Loki saw many futures in which Asgard was destroyed and the only thing way it and its people survive is if he gets to rule it, which confirms to him that he is meant to do just that. To this end he puts Odin in the Odinsleep and banishes Thor to a different timeline and strikes up an alliance with Hela, who wants to expand Hel. It's left in the middle if he's going to betray her or not. In order to save (at least, judging from backstory, I hope that's where they're going) Asgard, Loki wants to reshape the future using the Chronovium from Yggdrasil, which is causing it to die and obviously Thor is trying to stop that, assuming that Loki is just trying to conquer everything. So yeah, the game implies that Loki is just an evil tyrant (give me back nuanced Loki and nuanced Loki-Thor family dynamics, please!), especially since Ratatoskr seems to beg the player to save Asgard from him and Hela, because surely they will cause Ragnarok (the apocalypse not the movie in this case) or something (to be fair Hela wanting to expand Hel is a bit problematic but still, I want my messed up Asgardian family dynamics).

It's a bit unclear but I'm assuming they're going with the comics backstory where the adoption happened later and they didn't lie to him about it. There is a bit of phrasing in his profile that I absolutely hate due to what it implies: "but his true nature could not be undone and Loki would come to fully embrace his role as the God of Mischief" (by Odin's adoption and raising of him). Guys this implies that he was A. Born inadequate or B. Frost Giants as a race are uncivilised. Which is very bad. But also that he had to be civilised, which... Yikes. I'm sure this is not what they intended, since from surrounding context it's more about his identitiy as God of Mischief, but still terrible phrasing.

However, there are also good things about his characterisation. People, they've characterised him as actually competent! This is already such an improvement over the recent MCU characterisation that I'm willing to cut everything except the True Nature thing a bit of slack (I know, the bar is in Hela's realm right now). Also, his sass is amazing again and he has some great lines. I think given the writing and characterisation, his VA did a solid job with him. And while the characters are wary of and often actively dislike Loki, it never feels like the game is trying to humiliate him, which is again a breath of fresh air.

Loki does have a weird facial expression at some moments in the game. It's like he deliberately pulls the most evil face he can think off just for kicks, which is a very Loki thing to do, to be fair. That and the obvious scheming face and pose that reminds me of the infamous Ragnarok mural also exists in the game. (You know, the one that depicts Loki with exactly such a face and that couldn't even have been made in canon since Loki is in his TDW appearance and he was in prison at that time?). Sadly, I think the game implies it as serious, which is a missed opportunity. (To quote Fury: "I recognise that the council game devs have made a decision, but seeing as it's a stupid ass decision, I've elected to ignore it.") Also, between this and the arrogance, it does seem like they've made him into a bit of a charicature of himself, but again they're not actively humiliating him, so while I kind of hate, I do feel myself willing to forgive it. I think it's more that they've taken his facade at face value than anything else, which is why they're missing all the nuance. Still, this was made in better faith than Ragnarok and the show. I just think that these particular writers weren't at all familiar with the Asgardian characters (do correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not sure who the writers of this game are).

There is a conversation between Loki and Psylocke where Psylocke states that god or not, respect is something to be earned not taken, to which Loki replies with: "Clearly you haven't met my father" and I love that. Also, if you play Strange on Thor's team on the Yggsgard convoy mission map, an NPC version of Loki will show up to taunt him, which to me feels like revenge for Ragnarok (the movie, not the apocalypse in this case). This made me laugh out loud.

Another thing that I liked is that while there was a reward that you can get if you as Hela team up with Loki to defeat Thor and there is a reward for using the backstab move, there is also a reward for helping Thor as Loki, called brotherly love. (Sadly, there is also a Hulk Smash award for smashing Loki. Because *iconic* scene. In the movie it was fine, even somewhat funny the first time, but this joke has grown a bit stale now. Especially considering recent developments in the MCU characterisation wise.)

(By the way the backstab move which honestly feels to me like Xenoblade's infamous backslash, and makes me internally yell out said Xenoblade art's name everytime I use it. Positional extra damage is a valid tactic to me and totally not a scummy move in a game where everyone gangs up on the healers from behind. Spark you implications about traitors!)

To finish, I have very mixed feelings about this characterisation. there are a lot of things that were done better than in the recent MCU interpretations, but also a lot of this I just completely disagree with. Still, for me it's not so glaring that I want to stop playing the game and since it's entirely it's own continuity it likely won't affect anything else (going to knock on wood here). They really don't need to use the og!mcu!characterisation, I just want some nuance here and I disagree with all those people yelling about this game having perfect characterisation's especially since characterisation has varied between movies and comics runs. I also kind of want to see the more modern comics interpretation or even better, the og!MCU!characterisation in a game. But that's wishful thinking. Here's to hoping they don't do anything unforgivable with him in the rest of the lore, since I do enjoy playing the game. I would hate to have to rage quit over unforgivable characterisation sins like in the MCU.

#not that I'm not occasionally raging over being stuck in unfair situations in this game.#the true Loki experience people: cleaning up other people's messes #loki deserves better #og!mcu!loki supremacy #marvel rivals #marvel rivals critical #like I said mixed bag #loki #anti thor ragnarok #anti loki series

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angelsdvsts · 2 days ago

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"i mean, i guess i'm not opposed to giving you a little bit of payment. . . after all you are willing to drop anything if i need your help," could see it in him that the payment in question didn't require any sort of money, maybe she could pay with the warmth of her mouth. "you think that it'll be a maybe that we'd be able to satisfy one another?" teasing tone drops, clear that the two of them have a ton of sexual tension. a hunger that would probably get the two in some trouble -- to have him completely overpower her and mindlessly fuck her senseless. maybe a little post-nut clarity would have him realizing that ayla would be just another girl in the books. that once he got tired, he was going to throw her aside, but that's when she'd come along and break thing off before it got to that point. amusement twinkles in her hues, lips curving into a soft smile, "oh? and care to share what these needs are? since you know my needs are your needs," leans in closely, the conversation shared was far too imitate for anyone else's ears. "wouldn't you want to know? maybe those biology videos would reflect just how tight. . ." was it rude of her to tease him in this manner? to watch him tick, desperate for her in ways she couldn't imagine? "seeing me in the hallway for five seconds would have me in your mind all day long, no? think that's enough." she playfully pats his shoulder, but secretly maybe she did yearns for him to wait for her in between classes to walk her to the next. his comment causes her to glance down at her chest before chuckling as she looks back up to see his lingering, "definitely, they're actually covered up with a bra today -- that dress, it doesn't require me to wear one." allowing his imaginations to go wild, "maybe a little mouth to mouth would help bring you back to life?" a weird surge rushes through her body at the thought of him being so effected by her. femme shrugs her shoulders, nose crinkling slightly as she glances up at him, "maybe, they just thought your words meant more . . . maybe you said something during the sex that made them believe that you like them. plus, guys aren't really good at articulating how they truly feel -- so i guess i could see why they believe they're being played." a chuckle falls from her lips, "oh -- you're dirty to immediately think about fucking in public. . . especially on the first date, but who says that you aren't going to try when we get back into your car?" if anything, she'd had him do something to her before she did anything to him, as much as she'd love to wrap her lips around him. she's perched so perfectly upon his lap, everything looks so innocent -- except if she got up, he'd need something to conceal the imprint growing. "me? mean? never." she shakes her head, couldn't help the way she giggles as he chases her lips, "i don't think you can handle me, arlo." digits move to cup his features, lips teasingly brushes against his; leaning in closer and just as she was about to give him a kiss, her teeth sunk upon his upper lip before doing the same to the lowers, smoothing it over with her tongue. "mm, sorry got carried away."

"i mean i'd expect a little payment for doing my job, y'know?" although arlo was positive that it was evident that he wasn't speaking about money. he'd prefer ayla to show her gratitude in other ways. "me? well . . . i don't think you'd ever ask me to do something i didn't want or need, so maybe we'll both be satisfying each other?" from their conversation arlo got the distinct impression that she was a girl looking to be unwound, to not have to think for a while and let him take the lead, grab those long locks and take her like she so clearly craved. before ayla he struggled to satiate himself with girls, even if he'd gone balls deep inside of them it never scratched that itch and maybe he was wrong for trying to chase that with so many girls but he'd never tricked them, they'd been down to fuck and have some fun only to turn around a week later and accuse him of being an asshole for not showing up outside their window with a boombox on his arm. none of them made him want a second round, as awful as it might seem arlo couldn't handle another mid fuck. "nope, would never dream of telling you nonsense ayla. 'cause i think that your needs are my needs too", he really hopes none of the other customers or staff members can hear them, "you want that body wrecked, right? that tight little body you have . . . probably tight everywhere else too", and god, what he would give to sink himself into her cunt and make her scream. "oh yeah, seeing you for five seconds in the hallway is really going to do it for me", homme deadpans, shooting her a disbelieving look. she was insane if she believes it would. "prettier than right now?" and because she mentioned them arlo feels it's okay to take a more lingering look at those perky tits, wondering how good they'd look in a skimpy little dress. "you might just kill me before we go out for our date." arlo knew what she was talking about better than most, how something he'd assumed was a simple statement could be made into something completely different and hurtful. "i never wanted to hurt them, seriously, i never did. i was honest about everything, they just . . . i don't know, i don't have a fucking clue." he'd tried to figure it out but couldn't, there were plenty of other guys in their school looking for a relationship, he hadn't been one of them. "oh i'd never fuck you here, princess. they'd ban me from coming back and i love their drinks too much", teases with a low laugh. he respects her stance though, how she's not going to give everything away at the drop of a hat. she makes him sweat, work for it. jaw tightens as she squirms on his lap, soft body rubbing and rolling against his growing bulge. "you've got a mean streak in you, y'know that?" pleasure shoots through him as she nips at his skin, hands flattening against her sides as he leans forward to chase her mouth with his own. "fuck me up then, ayla."

#unraptures #( &&. ayla | interactions )#( &&. ayla | arlo )

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