#and it's all ugh I don't want to deal with it

[starly-amazing]

To Not Change

Rating: Teen

Summary: Finally! After laying in bed and being cared for night and day by their allies friends family—finally Siffrin has been deemed recovered and 'stable' enough to get back on the road. They've had plenty of hugs and excruciatingly vulnerable but necessary (necessary!!!) feelings talky-talks while laid up in bed in Dormont, but they finally left the town and that blinding House behind feeling not completely terrible! That is, until a familiar, yet entirely unwelcome feeling begins gnawing on their insides after its long absence and knocks them right back into bed. After assuring their family it's not, in fact, their craft exhaustion causing their current problems, Siffrin confides in Mirabelle over these mysterious pains that have been following them for half their life. AKA: Doctors suck, intersex Siffrin has had enough of their bullcrab, and he and Mirabelle have a nice long feelings talky-talk about their right to not Change.

Tags: Asexual Siffrin, Aroace Mirabelle, Intersex Siffrin, Feelings Talky-talk, Platonic MiraSif, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, Catharsis, Sickfic (i guess)

Warnings: Intersexism, Mentions of Medical Abuse/Neglect, Medical Intersexism, Brief/Vague Mentions of Sex and Periods

[Read on AO3]

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Finally! After laying in bed and being cared for night and day by their allies friends family—finally Siffrin has been deemed recovered and 'stable' enough to get back on the road. They've had plenty of hugs and excruciatingly vulnerable but necessary (necessary!!!) feelings talky-talks while laid up in bed in Dormont, but they finally left the town and that blinding House behind feeling not completely terrible!

That was, until a familiar, yet entirely unwelcome feeling began gnawing on their insides after its long absence.

If there was one good thing about the loops... 

Of course, of course, it's happening now, when they're finally able to help get Bonnie back to their sister.

Siffrin managed to get through most of their journey to save Vaugarde with their family without having to deal with it, but now it's coming back with a vengeance and has them wanting to claw out every organ in the lower half of their body.

What did the doctors say it was again?

Ugh, it doesn't matter—it's not like they've ever done anything helpful for it.

He adjusts his pack, twists his body a few times, then picks up the pace. Just a few more hours of walking to the next city, then they can find a nice patch of grass to curl up in until it goes away.

It's fine.

It's fine!

Just think about your family and how amazing and wonderful they are for staying with you after everything you've done to them! Think about Bonbon reuniting with their sister after you made them wait even longer to see her again!

"Sif? You okay?" Isabeau's voice makes them jump and stumble. They're saved by his strong arm flying in front of him in a flash.

Siffrin squeezes down on his bicep and rights himself with shaky legs. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," they pant.

He narrows his eyes. " Sif ." Slowly, he pulls his arm away and turns to face him fully.

They grumble and clench their jaw. "I don't feel so good."

The rest of their family catch on to Siffrin's distress and circle back around to inspect them.

Mirabelle places the back of her hand on his forehead. "You're running hot again, Siffrin. I think your craft exhaustion is back."

Isabeau glances behind him at the small collection of houses they just passed. "We're only about twenty minutes out from Miette. Do you want to turn back and stay another day?"

Siffrin frowns. "But Bonnie—"

"FRIN!" Bonnie barks, "I can wait! I miss Nille and all, but I don't want you to drop dead either!" They stomp their feet in a wide stance, cross their arms, and pout.

Siffrin feels a twist in their chest. "Hhahah, I'm not gonna die Bonbon."

"Still," Odile sighs, "The nurses back in Dormont did warn you about potential permanent health complications if you overexert yourself while still experiencing craft exhaustion."

"It's fine." Siffrin waves. "It's not craft exhaustion. It's just... something that happens sometimes. It'll go away on its own."

Odile crosses her arms. "Siffrin. Even if whatever 'it' is normally goes away on its own, we have no idea how it interacts with your craft exhaustion. You already know how we all feel about leaving this early. We should head back." Everyone nods.

Siffrin grumbles. "I just need to sit down for a bit." His eye flicks across all of them. "I—" They're all crowding awfully close and Bonnie is digging in their bag for tonics and the clinking glass grates at their ears and he feels the air getting warmer and thicker and they find themself trembling and sweating as the pain inside them twists and claws and threatens to turn them inside out and—

Stars fill their vision, and the world turns sideways.

—

Siffrin doesn't even get a brief reprieve in their returning lucidity before the clawing, twisting, burning sensation returns. They groan and pull their legs closer to their chest but find they can only move a few inches.

Something shifts beside them, and they pry their eye open to see Isabeau already leaning over them.

"Sif! Sif, are you okay? Do you need anything? Are you feeling better?" His hand flies to their forehead, and he pauses for a moment before placing it down gently against their burning skin. They don't flinch; he's too tired, even if he might have otherwise.

"Yeah, somewhat." They smile and run their fingers through their sweaty hair. The air around them is so cold, though, and a shudder wracks their whole body.

"Hold on," Isabeau murmurs, "let me get you some more water." He dashes out of the room.

Siffrin takes that time to slowly, slowly inch their way into a sitting position and survey their surroundings.

Okay, we're in a room. Obviously. Probably back at the inn in Miette. Ugh. Fever is back. Awful whatever-it-is is back. Ugh, they're going to make me stay here for another few days, aren't they?

They shake their head and grab the wall for purchase as the room spins.

No, no it's okay. They're doing this because they care about you. If you drop dead on the road, it'd slow them down even more! You haven't even told them what you wanted them to do with your corpse this time!

The clicking of the door handle jerks them back to reality, and Isabeau comes back with a full glass and the rest of the family in tow.

"FRIN!" Bonnie screeches and launches themself on the bed. Siffrin bites back a groan as the rocking sends jolts through them.

"Boniface, please," Odile presses her fingers to her temple.

"Oh, sorry." They slide off and grab a stool. The legs let out an awful scraping sound as it's dragged across the old, wooden floor. Siffrin grinds their teeth and shrinks in on themself until Isabeau jumps over and lifts it for the last few feet.

Mirabelle kneels beside Bonnie as they get comfortable, and she feels Siffrin's forehead. Her lips twitch downward just a bit. "How are you feeling now?"

He finds himself leaning into the refreshing coolness of her fingers.

"Fi—mmm... bleh," they finally grunt.

"How 'bleh'?"

"Like I-don't-want-to-move 'bleh', not I'm-dying 'bleh."

Isabeau wipes his brow and sighs. "Well, that's good, at least, but you still scared the crab out of all of us!"

"Sorry." They hide their face behind their knees.

"It's okay. Just please, please talk to us more. I know it's hard. But you're not burdening any of us if you need us to slow down."

"Sorry."

Odile taps her notebook. "Siffrin, if you say 'sorry' again, gems help me I'll—"

"Whoa, m'dame give them some leeway, please." Isabeau holds his hands up.

She sighs. "Okay, Siffrin, are you able to tell us what's wrong? You mentioned something about this not being craft exhaustion, correct?"

They look down at their sheets and tug at the hem. "Right," they mumble, "it's something else."

She opens her notebook and raises an eyebrow. "Something else?"

"Frin, I didn't cook you anything bad, did I???" Bonnie leans closer with a stiff frown etched on their face. "I told Za those turnips looked weird, but he said that's normal."

"H-hey!" Isabeau sputters. "They were fine; they just looked weird!"

"I doubt it's that, Boniface," Odile comments. "We all ate it, and none of us seem to be feeling ill."

"Not the turnips." Siffrin shakes their head. They rub their chin on their shoulder to get an itchy bead of sweat off. "It's just something that happens occasionally."

Mirabelle narrows her gaze and stares at Siffrin clutching their gut for a moment. "Oh! Siffrin, are you having cramps? Did you just start—"

"No! I mean, maybe? I don't know, it's—" they grip their side harder. The room is quickly heating up and growing stuffy, and they find their breaths are becoming more ragged and heavy.

"Sif, it's okay; there's no shame in talking about it," Isabeau chuckles warmly. "I have some herbs for that I can grab if you want."

"Sure, yeah," they mumble. Just agree, say it's cramps, and they'll let up. And maybe it is just weird cramps and you actually are telling the truth!

Bonnie jumps in their seat. "Oh, oh! Nille usually cooks up something when she has them, and it helps a lot. I'll try to remember what she used and make some in a sec!"

Stars begin pricking the corners of his vision again. He groans and curls in more, squeezing his eye shut. "Yeah, okay."

"Okay, kids, I think Siffrin needs some space." Odile shuffles the others away from the bed. He takes in a sharp breath. "We'll come back shortly to talk."

"Thanks," Siffrin exhales. His eye snaps open, and he jolts back upright as they start to shuffle toward the door. "Wait!" they yelp.

Everyone jumps.

"Mira, can you stay? Please?"

She gasps and clasps her hands together. "Yes, of course, Siffrin." She settles down on the stool Bonnie just vacated as the others file out of the room.

Mira won't be weird about it. Probably. She's probably the safest person to talk to right now. Odile would want to study you. Isabeau would probably pass out if you go into any details.

"We're trying to find a doctor," Isabeau says from the door, "the only one in this town is swamped right now so—"

Siffrin shakes their head and doesn't stop until Isabeau puts his hands up and takes a step back.

"Enough doctors, I'll be fine. I just need to rest for a little."

"Oh, okay." He grips the door frame and looks between Siffrin and Mirabelle. "We'll be back later with food, then." Isabeau gives one last look at them before closing the door.

Siffrin lets out a long sigh and relaxes as much as his body will allow.

Mirabelle puts her hand beside him on the bed. "Siffrin?"

They flinch but turn to her. "Yeah?"

"I—um—will you tell me what's really wrong?"

They bury their face in their knees.

Honesty. Honesty!

But this isn't about the loops, so why should I?

But it was never just about the loops, though.

Ughhh... 

Mirabelle moves her hand closer until it's hovering over his. She waits for his gaze to fall on it before she places it on top, light as a feather.

They turn their hand around and lock their fingers with hers. Right! They can do that now! And it feels great!

Too bad it’s not enough to vanquish the pain, but they’ll take what they can get!

"I don't know what it is exactly, but it's happened before a lot."

"Before?" Mira tilts her head.

"Before I met you all. It doesn't usually make me pass out like that."

"That's probably the craft exhaustion exacerbating it," she hums. "Wait— usually? You've passed out before?"

They wince. "A few times, yeah. Usually, when I've been traveling for a while and haven't eaten much in a few days."

"A few days!?" She looks like she's seen a ghost.

They squeak. Too honest! He tries to hide beneath his hat, but of course, it's still gone forever. He settles for pulling his blanket over his face.

"Sorry, sorry, Siffrin." She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Please, keep talking. I promise I won't react like that again. I just worry—you know." She wrings her hands together. "But I know reacting like that isn't constructive, so I'll keep it inside for you!" She picks at her nails until Siffrin points at them. "Thanks," she mutters and slams them down on her thighs.

"Okay," he breathes, "okay, well, it's... it's just that... well... sometimes I just get this weird discomfort or pain like..." They gesture between their legs. "My body is... different... down there. And it might have something to do with it. " They begin to explain their symptoms as best they can. Mirabelle stays as still as she's able, only letting out a few small gasps when he goes over the more gruesome details.

"That sounds awful." Her face twists into a grimace. "Have you talked to any doctors about it?"

They cringe until their cheeks hurt and shake their head. "I've been to doctors before but they're always... " They shift themself around and take a swig of water. "They're always trying to look at me like I'm some sort of weird specimen." His heart pounds against his ribs faster and faster.

They take another big gulp. "And then they keep telling me to let them do surgery on me or go to a House and Change to be more normal and show me all these diagrams of what I should look like and say a bunch of confusing words and don't explain what any of it means and it was even worse when I didn't even know Vaugardian that well and they never explain why Changing like that would even help me." Their head starts to hurt like something is trying to pull it apart.

"And they always keep trying to get me to change to one—you know—set down there and rarely the other and now I don't even want to Change like that even if I might have before and sometimes they give me some medicine that helps a bit but other times they don't and just make it feel worse so I haven't even gone in years and just try to ignore it when it happens and—and—"

"Siffrin!" Mirabelle reaches up toward their face. They jerk back but still themself as she slowly, carefully places her hand where he had somehow tangled it in his hair. Her other hand comes up and under his palm and loosens his fingers to pull them away from his head.

He lets his other hand fall to his side as Mirabelle presses a soft kiss to his knuckles.

It tickles.

"Sorry," he breathes and squeezes his eye shut.

"You're okay, Siffrin. I'm so sorry."

"S'not your fault," they mumble.

"I'm still sorry," she frowns, "that sounds awful. Doctors keep telling you to Change to fix this?"

They nod and scratch at their cheek.

"Is that why you were so adamant about not seeing one here or undressing for the nurse back at the House?"

"Yeah," they whimper. "They even try to talk about it when I go in about something completely unrelated, like that one time I burned my thigh." They cringe and hope she doesn't ask them to explain how that huge blunder happened.

"That's..." She puts her fingernail in her mouth but doesn't chew. She looks off at the faded old lamp on their nightstand as her face twists into something that might have scared him if he wasn't so drained.

"That's not okay!" she barks out loud enough for Siffrin to jump. She turns to them, and they flinch again. "They shouldn't do that to you! What the crab is wrong with them?" She wrings her hands on her belt and taps her foot.

"Ooh, I'm so mad! Doctors are supposed to help! Not try to push people to Change as some sort of end-all be-all solution! Especially not people who don't even follow the Change Belief!" She squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath. Siffrin simply waits for her to continue as he hugs his knees closer and closer to his chest. The pressure helps a bit, but they keep having to move into weirder and weirder positions to chase the bad sensations away.

"Siffrin, I'm so sorry they treated you that way. I'm... " She pinches her brow and is silent for a while. Siffrin leans closer and catches her mumbling something under her breath.

Mirabelle slaps her hands down in her lap, making Siffrin jump once again. Stars , when will he cut that out? "I love the Change Belief. I love how it pushes me to be a better person, and I love how kind everyone is, and I love learning new things. But sometimes I feel like it keeps pushing us to Change just for the sake of change. Like you have to work hard to be a completely different person each day, 'who cares if you're happy where you are in life go buy a whole different set of clothes even though the ones you have are fine go fall in love and get bonded and have babies and—'"

Siffrin perks up. They lean forward and give a few subconscious nods as she speaks.

"'—you're not doing it right if you don't want to do these things even if just thinking about them makes you feel gross inside and if you don't want that you're just going to be alone forever and—'" Her eyes blow wide, and she slaps a hand over her mouth.

Siffrin clenches his jaw and shies away. He opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, she continues.

"Siffrin, I'm sorry—I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to make this about me. I shouldn't have brought that up just now. It's just something that's been bothering me for a while," her voice slows and lowers with each word, "even before you said all those things to me. I'm sorry, we can talk about that later. I know this is the worst time to bring it up."

"No, no!" Nope! No going back now. Only forward. Even if it kills me. They lean closer. "No, it's okay. Please keep talking. This is what I was trying to talk to you about that day."

Nope, she can't keep thinking something's wrong with her because of you!

They dig their nails into their knee until it hurts.

"Huh?"

"Like... what you talked to me about on previous loops. You were saying these things, too." They squeeze their legs. "I just worded it so terribly and wasn't thinking about how gross shoving it in your face like that was... even if I did manage to say it right. And I'm still so, so sorry."

"Oh, Siffrin," she frowns. Her lips pull tight and she keeps fidgeting with her belt.

"I should have let you figure it out yourself. I was just so eugh and rushed everyone and ruined everything and—"

"Siffrin!" She squeezes his hands in the same rhythm he did for her. " It's okay . Is this really what we were talking about then?"

They sniff and nod. "Yeah. I was trying to tell you that—well, please, just keep talking, okay?"

"Are you sure? Shouldn't we at least get you something first?" She glances at the door. "I'm sure Isabeau will be back with whatever herbs he has soon."

They shake their head. "Please."

"Oh, okay then. Well," She grumbles and tugs at the hem of her dress. A heavy silence fills the room for a long, long moment. Siffrin shifts themself a bit as their discomfort flares up.

"Okay," she sighs. "Well. It's just that... I mean, it's always about capital C Changing all the time. You have to make huge Changes, and once you're done, you Change again and again and again just for the sake of showing everyone how different you are now and to please the Change God who probably doesn't even care that much! And it's just like people get so caught up in Changing that they don't stop to think about if they really want to or even should, and then they keep pushing everyone to keep furthering their Changes, and it makes me feel like I'm failing everyone because I..."

She bites her lip and rocks side to side in her chair. "I don't want to Change in some ways! I like how I am now! I saved the crabbing country, and I have you and everyone with me who love me and want to keep traveling with me, and I'm happy with that!"

She pauses to take a few shallow breaths. "Why do I have to Change in other ways? I keep looking at those stupid crabbing bonding papers, and I don't feel anything for any of those people or anyone I've ever met. I don't want to date or bond with anyone or have ssss... do stuff with people and have children with them!"

She wipes her glove over her eyes and Siffrin realizes she's tearing up.

"Mira." He squeezes her hands. "Breathe with me?"

"Sorry, sorry, I—"

Siffrin takes a slow breath in and out and Mirabelle soon copies. They close their eye and rhythmically squeeze at her hands and repeat their breaths several more times. The pain clawing at them seems to fade just a bit and they're able to uncurl a little more.

Okay. Okay. This is good. This is fine. We're still getting there even if she's more upset than before and my organs are on fire. Just stick to the s—no—no script, you can do this without one!

"It's okay, Mira," they smile. "You're right, that's really similar to my uh... situation." He tilts his head side to side as he says that. "I can't really imagine being completely surrounded by that pressure all my life."

It seems so stifling.

Mirabelle gasps. "Oh, no, Siffrin, don't get me wrong. I still do love the Change Belief and what it stands for in general, just that... I just—I guess there's some things about it that seem more hurtful than helpful. I thought it was just me and I'm just failing as a Housemaiden when everyone around me is doing these things and I'm not.

"But talking to you about it... I can't be the only one going through this, can I? There have to be other Housemaidens who feel this way too, right?"

Siffrin nods, leaning forward. "Well, I'm not a Housemaiden, but I also don't want to do 'stuff,’ I think. I know it's not exactly the same thing because I do love Isa... and I think it might be romantic but... sex just seems so weird and kinda gross."

Mirabelle perks up and gasps. "Really? You don't?"

Siffrin shakes their head with a tired smile.

She studies him for a moment; he can't quite read her expression. "Yeah. Yeah! It is! It is weird and messy and confusing, and I don't want to do that at all!" She shakes her head and hands, and Siffrin has to lean back so she doesn't smack him in the face with her hair.

He can't hold back a chuckle, but his smile soon falls, and he presses his chin to his knees.

"And I also worry sometimes that that'll be a problem if we do start... d-dating." They bite their lip. "What if he wants to do 'stuff' with me and I still don't want to. Or what if I do try it and he sees me like this and thinks it's weird and gross and—"

" He won't, " Mira says with conviction.

"Wha—?"

"Isabeau won't think or say anything bad about it, Siffrin. I trust him. Just like I know he wouldn't say anything bad to me if I talked to him about what we just talked about."

"Right, yeah." They dig their fist into their gut. "I still don't want to disappoint him."

"If he has a problem with that I'll kick him in his crabbing butt!"

Siffrin snorts and covers their nose with the back of their hand. "Nooo, don't do that!"

"I won't have to!" She gives a sharp nod. "Because he won't! Say anything! Bad about how you look or how you feel about sex or anything like that!"

Siffrin smiles and feels a gentle warmth bubbling up inside him. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. He's too wonderful and kind and understanding and... " they bite their trembling lip. "He's great."

Mirabelle hums and smiles even brighter. "I'm glad you have each other."

Siffrin leans forward and presses his forehead to hers. They both close their eyes and sigh. "I'm glad I have you too."

"Awww, Siffrin," she sniffs and slowly wraps her arms around him. "Thank you for letting me talk about this." She sighs. "I'm sorry, I know I should have just let you explain what you meant back at the House but I was just... " she pulls back and gestures wildly in the air. "...emotions and all that. And it's just so weird knowing you knew things about me that I didn't know yet and, well, you know what I mean."

Woulda been really nice, yeah.

"It's fine. You got it now so it's all good, I hope."

Mirabelle sniffs. "Yep, all good."

They sit like that for a minute before Mirabelle suddenly gasps and jerks upward.

"Wait, Siffrin, are you still hurting?"

Excruciatingly.

"Yeah, but compared to the loops, it's nothing!"

"Siffrin! That's still not good!" she huffed. "We still need to get you... hmm..." She sways her head side to side, mumbles something under her breath, then lights up a bit.

"What if I came with you to see a doctor? I could be there as support and to help if they try to get you to do anything you're not comfortable with."

They open their mouth, but no sound comes out. His mind races. That sounds... like a decent idea, actually. They could get some relief, couldn't they? Mirabelle's strong. She stood up against the King, she could stand up against some stuffy old doctor.

"You'd really do that?"

"Of course!" she beams. "It's my duty as feelings buddy to help you with bad physical feelings, too!" She crosses her arms and gives a curt nod, expression filled with determination. It only stays for a moment before she snorts out a small giggle and looks at him warmly.

"I—" they can't meet her gaze. It's all too much. He shrinks in on himself and squeezes at his wrist. Oh no, he can feel the tears forming. "Yeah, I would like that," he murmurs.

Mirabelle perks up and seems to shake her enthusiasm down as best she can.

"Okay! So!" She dives into her bag and pulls out one of her bonding papers and a pen. "Don't need this anymore!" She crosses out the front and flips over to the blank side. "Let's use it for something actually important!"

Siffrin can't help but smile.

"So! Where to start?"

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Notes:

Inspired by a tumblr post I saw a few months ago that talked about how the Change belief may view intersex people in a similar way to how they view aroace people.

Huge thanks to moltenbinary for proofreading this and motivating me to finish this after I had the idea bouncing around in my head for a while. Check out their fic To Exist in This Body, another intersex Siffrin fic!

Next chapter: Mirabelle strongarms a doctor into being useful. Stay Tuned!

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Kind of just a small ("small" lmfao) vent 'cause I dont have anywhere else to share it and you're like the only person I've found that's been talking about it consistently, but I'm also one of the few trans men that want to get pregnant and have my own kids. But because of how trans people are viewed, I also want to be 100% stealth. I just want to be viewed as and treated as your average man. But obviously those two things aren't going to work together so I'm at a huge fucking loss on what to do. If trans people were treated like normal people and respected, and pregnant men were part of the norm, I wouldn't even worry about the stealth shit. I wouldn't be screaming that I'm trans from the rooftops, but I wouldn't be looking over my shoulder and overcompensating with my masculinity either. I'd just be a person, y'know? I just want a husband and a kid (or three) and a decent house and a job that won't fire me when they find out I'm trans and/or pregnant (and before anyone says "that's illegal!", I'm in America. The current government doesn't care what's illegal, they don't even care what's unconstitutional).

I'm just so fucking tired. The way things are now, when I get pregnant (if I decide it's even worth the risk despite how much I want it), I'm going to have to uproot my entire life. Or just quit my job once I can no longer hide my bump, but that's still gonna be fucking me over. I've also still gotta deal with doctors and shit and ugh... I've literally been considering becoming a nurse and learning some labor & delivery shit so I can just do it all myself at home. And then maybe go to a hospital like 1-2 hours away for (very limited) ultrasounds and doctor appointments and shit. It's unfortunately safer at this point.

Hell, doing it all myself with no ultrasounds or doctor appointments and with the knowledge I have right now is still safer. And that's bullshit. That shouldn't be how it is.

It really is an absolute shame that this has to be as big of an issue as it is. Trans men/mascs should be granted the right by default to have kids, or choose not to, as they wish. Equal access to healthcare to allow, along with access to surgery/meds to prevent pregnancy, should be granted by default.

Unfortunately, I doubt it'll ever change. Not only because most trans men/mascs are perisex afab, but also because, y'know being trans comes with being treated like living garbage.

Maybe in the future, but I doubt it. Even to this day, disabled and gay people have limited (if any) access to adoption and conception, so I am not gonna hold my breath.

[serandipity]

"That's fine. You've already given me more than enough. I can go one day without conditioner," She said softly. Luckily, the man didn't seem to keen on wanting to use her for anything or holding her out burst last night over her hair. If she had been staying somewhere fancier things would have played out far differently.

Hylia should at the very least make the effort to compensate this man for his hospitality. She had taken up space in his home and now he was going to fix her car for her? It was probably more kindness than she deserved at this point.

The notice of the broken shower and the threadbare towels were noted. Looked like this man could use the extra money she was about to give him. Well, at least the money was going to the right places this time and would be used for more than just frivolities.

Regardless, the shower did feel nice, even if she could get little more than luke warm water. It was enough. She could take a hot jet bath when she got home. Sometimes roughing it wasn't so bad though.

Although if she asked Faron, Faron would hardly call this ''roughing it''. She was just spoiled.

Stepping out of the shower she rang her hair dry and put her clothes back on from yesterday. All her actual items were locked in her car, so she'd have to change later. Hylia was lucky she didn't end up being sick last night.

Ugh.

Her phone pinged to life. A text from her soon to be ex-husband. He had something to tell her and wanted to call her. Truthfully, Hylia didn't want to deal with whatever nuclear bomb was about to be released on her personal life so she simply ignored it for the time being.

By the time she got out the mechanic had stepped out to look at her car, or maybe other people's cars? Who knows. If he was the only mechanic in town then everyone would have to come to him along with whatever passing tourists drifted through town. He must have been making good money, but he seemed to live modestly. The state of his home and belongings gave that much away.

She stepped out to meet him, a little more awake than before the shower, the tinge of oil and gas and brake fluid hung in the air.

"So, does being the only mechanic in town pay well enough? I don't think I ever caught your name either."

She was offering an explanation for everything she had vented about the night before, but the explanation just felt a bit unneeded on the heels of everything he had been told the night before.

"Yeah... I already figured that much out." Lucas' tone was idle; he didn't want to act like he was holding it over her head, but if she didn't remember everything she had told him then maybe it would be best to remind her. Just a little, at least.

She seemed willing to take him up on the offer of a shower, and he nodded before getting up. "Alright. Give me a sec to grab you some towels. You gotta twist the nob before you turn it on too, or else you're gonna get nothing but ice-water." There was a joke he had heard at some point where there was nothing that made you feel more confused or more of an idiot than trying to work someone else's shower. In his situation, it wasn't helped by the fact that his shower was broken, and he was just dragging his heels on hiring a plumber to fix it.

Lucas laughed a little when she finally relented and offer to pay him. "Don't worry about it. I wasn't workin' last night; that's why it would've cost you so much. But my shop opens this morning. I'm not gonna overcharge you."

Two towels. clean if not a bit threadbare in some spots.

"There's shampoo by the tub, but uh... I can't say I have any conditioner."

[caitas-cooing]

I walk slowly when I'm on my own

(do you feel alive)

Yeah but frankly I still feel alone

(oh but you'll survive)

[tumblweeds-omegaverse]

random omegaverse thought:

There must be people who experience specific instinct things with indifference or boredom.

Procreative cycle coming up? "Crap, I've got plans this weekend...stupid skip weeks."

Caught an intriguing scent while walking? "But I need to get to work! Shut up brain."

Had a snap response to a distressed sound? "Who was it?! ...right, it's my day off, I can go back to sleep."

Somebody growled at them? "Kid, I'm not a rival, that's my sibling."

Super cozy cuddle session happening nearby? "I'm gonna pass tonight guys, no social battery left, maybe next time."

Group of friends heading out to flirt and check out other singles? "I'm coming with you but only to make sure you all get home safe."

Setting where fated mates or soul bonds or permanent marks are a thing? "Meh. I don't really want one or care if I ever get one."

People in the actual omegaverse would get as bored of their stuff, as we do of ours, you know? It could be interesting to see that kind of vibe in fics. Biological demands faced with all the excitement of paying bills or doing laundry or tying your shoes.

Even if that kind of energy might not drive a plot, it could be interesting to have as a contrast to the people who do have big feelings about them - good or bad.

There's the friends who can't wait til they have a pack of their own, and the one friend who isn't against it but couldn't care less. There's the group in the office who are all about scent compatibility tests and figuring out one's best match and what sprays most highlight it, and the coworker who has no intentions on putting that much effort in. There are parents who hover and protect their offspring by scenting them multiple times a day, and others who don't see what the fuss is as long as it's done in the morning.

...also: packs with introverts who show care by giving each other space. So often, closeness is depicted through physical touch and tactile affection, but comfortable silence is meaningful too. Knowing people are near, but not having to interact until you're ready. Sitting in the same room doing different things, knowing that all it takes is a "hey, look at this" to share what you're up to. People understanding and accepting each other's differing or fluctuating needs for how and when to recharge. Seeing somebody reaching out or sharing space, beyond what's their norm, as a signal of the fact that they care.

[naamahdarling]

.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

I know I am watching the Mighty Nein again right now very sporadically but after tonight's episode I am dying to watch Vox Machina again so maybe I'll switch back and forth for a while.

[pandora15]

it's kinda annoying that i can't apply to manager level positions because i don't have managerial experience

and the reason i don't have managerial experience is because i've never been promoted! love that for me :)

[kyouka-supremacy]

--

[gregoftom]

pretty sure i’ve seen romance movies with scenes like this

[sysig]

Totally unaffected by this gesture of affection, definitely (Patreon)

[ourceliumnetwork]

me, the symptoms experiencer, experiencing symptoms: wow gee i wonder what the fuck is happening right now i have no context for why i could possibly feel bad, surely i'm not experiencing symptoms. me, when i figure out it's the symptoms:

[screambirdscreaming]

I read that article about [redacted] and I sort of need to talk about it but also I do not want to talk about it.

[buggzrfaeries]

ugh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[neverendingford]

.

[3gremlins]

me: so i've somehow become the de facto leader of my raid group and there's all this drama and i think i'm bad at dealing with it my therapist: it's interesting that you're the leader of things...that's good right? me: oh no this happens a lot and it's terrible. you know how in skyrim you show up at mage college like "hello yes, i'd like to learn magic" and they're like "that's great, we're having this problem, can you help us?" and you're like "okay sure i guess" and they're like "great, thank you, also you're the leader now b/c you did the stuff" and this happens with every single organization in that game?? This is my life. like i just wander into groups wanting to participate/do stuff and then since i'm the only one who is willing to organize anything i somehow become in charge. my therapist: fascinating! ngl i'm so proud of you for making communities! reaching out! nature is healing! me: i feel like you are not understanding the problem tho :3