#and it’s what drastically changes the dynamic of the relationship too since they know they’re safe to be vulnerable with the other

[swordmaid]

platonic hag romance is so interesting to me because it’s two people with similar situations (astarion and cazador / shri’iia with her matriarch) but they reacted to it differently and I think seeing a person who’s so similar to you, who’s been through the same thing (more or less), and who understands your situation in an uncomfortably personal level BUT take the different route would be so unsettling as in astarion resents cazador and he has no choice but to do his bidding, but shri’iia who has free will, bends over backwards trying to appease and please a matriarch who doesn’t care the slightest bit about her for a sliver of praise. in a platonic route they would not award each other the same grace they do in the romantic path since there is no instances where they are vulnerable to each other nor even allow the other to see their hurt and all that. I think they’re quite cutting too, and they can be deliberately hurtful so they’re resistant in showing vulnerability to the other because they risk being in the other’s cruelty. they’re not afforded that chance of kindness they would’ve had in the romance route - they don’t see each other in that vulnerable light that the showing the scar scene + post oath breaking trauma brings.

and it’s so interesting to me because I think they would be initially disgusted at the other’s choices!!!!!!!!! astarion would see her similar to the people who throws themselves at cazador’s feet willingly because they want to be given the dark gift too, so they will do whatever cazador wants and willingly subject themselves to him. and for shri’iia, she would regard him as someone weak for not resisting cazador (he could’ve killed him if he was strong enough. and because he can’t, and he’s not able to, that means he deserves every little thing he went through - very typical drowic victim blaming) I also think menzoberranzan’s opinion of males/how they’re treated/the general perception of surface elves would colour her opinion on him and she would regard him as someone less. she would not think so highly of him though I think post oath breaking her opinion of him would not be so harsh just because that’s the time where she questions everything she was raised to believe, and that goes with drow’s opinion of the surface and everything in it.

it’s a recognising yourself through the other (derogatory) situation, and no doubt they would not think well of each other but their opinions would gradually change as the time goes on (though I think he would think lesser of her if she regresses and reforms her oath again, she would laugh at his poor attempts of power (ascension) since she’s seen what real power looks like from the matriarchs and he cannot mimic a fraction of what they have) but in typical hag romance fashion, their personalities would blend well and they would still have fun with each other just because they’re both little shits with the same humour. it’s like they would get along when they’re hanging out but if you ask them their real opinions of the other, it’s this meme

[stardustizuku]

Woah I absolutely love you analyses on MLB. What do you think of the female friendship in MLB?

This took way longer than originally planned.

Here’s the thing

I don’t think that MLB was that bad in season 1. And arguably, season 2 still has some leg to stand on.

And that carries on to friendships.

You see, we can break down friendships in this type of show into four.

1.- The vague friend group

This is one we see in most stories that DO NOT focus on team dynamics or getting to know a bunch of superheroes. Sakura Card Captor, for example, has the best one of these. They’re not meant to take center stage, but more like provide a sense of unity and calmness around the craziness that’s going on.

And while I cite CardCaptor, Creamy Mami also has it. And Sailor Moon has it in the very first season. Tokyo Mew Mew has two characters that fall here too.

This is where I say most of the characters in MLB fall to. If things had stayed here, I do not see a problem. The lack of depth isn’t a bug but a feature. While we can connect with them, their purpose, narrative wise, is to create fun scenarios and plot outside of the others superheroes.

But as things progressed they tried to make this sort of already bland group of characters into a cohesive united team. And it was never going to happen. Maybe if they had competent writers it could have worked, but it’s still unlikely a competent writer would have tried this.

The way you introduce characters is extremely important in the way that they’re perceived by an audience. If they entered the scene as a Vague Friend Group, it would be so hard for them to change into anything else. This is also why redemption arcs are so hard. It’s forcing your audience to accept a sudden change in the status quo. If that’s what you’re trying to do - it works. But if you’re doing it just to sell more toys…well it falls flat on their face. Not to mention, the classroom is not exactly filled with particularly interesting or cohesive characters. Their attitudes, relationships towards each other and Marinette change drastically from episode to episode. The only noteworthy rships are often time m/f, and the only f/f friendship we have that’s any sort of consistent or interesting is Juleka and Rose…who are dating.

I’m not gonna be the first to shit on a wlw couple specially when it’s probably the most interesting thing in this series - but it’s kinda weird how the only type of decent rship that the writers can do are ROMANTIC ones. Friendship seems like a fucking joke to these people.

Also they’re a LOT. Working with dynamics between characters is super hard, and the less characters you have to juggle with, you’re able to create better and closer relationships with each other. Having such a HUGE classroom be the center of superhero dynamic is plain lunacy. Unless this is the focus, and was intended as such since day 1, there was no way this was gonna work or be a natural transition from the 1:1 chat ladybug dynamic.

They work as a vague group of friends, but utterly fail as anything more. Both because of its size and lack of cohesion, or depth.

2.- The Friend (?)

This one is the civilian friend. The one who supports the heroine but never truly knows the identity of their friend. They’re there to provide support before the rest of the cast comes into the picture.

This is the Molly in Sailor Moon and Hitomi from Madoka.

They’re not really meant to be besties with the MC, even if they are so in name. It’s more of an extension of the aforementioned vague friend group. They mostly provide plot beats with a slightly more personal stake since this is someone the heroine has spent so much more time with.

THIS is where Ayla from Season 1 falls, and why I did not think she was too bad of a friend. She’s here really for providing comforting words when Marinette is down and a fun side story that doesn’t feel too disconnected from the main story.

However. The reason why these two worked was, precisely, because the focus of the show was the LoveSquare and Chat and Ladybug’s dynamic.

Sakura can have a relatively bland side friends (although they’re all fairly entertaining) because the main focus of the story ISNT them. It’s her Card Journey and interpersonal relationships with Tomoyo, Syaoran and Yukito.

Likewise, Molly is allowed to be a not so great friend, because Usagi has other friends.

If you want these characters to be the bulk of your interpersonal rships, you have to adapt them. Kaito St. Tail had only one friend, who actually falls with the Civilian. However, she plays a huge part of her story by being the one to send her on the missions. While her biggest rship was with Astro Jr, Seira provided a huge amount of emotional support and was given enough dramatic weight to be able to earn herself a recognizable spot. In any promo art that features the characters, she appears! Because she’s important!

But what they tried to do was expand upon these characters in a…less than ideal way.

First of all they tried to shift Alya from Friend (?), to Friend (tm)…

3.- The Friend (tm)

A Friend (tm) is the best friend. The gal pal. The one who is always there and even if it’s not outright stated - we know they’re the first one the MC will turn to if something happens.

Think Winx Club and who’s Bloom’s Best friend? Stella. Shugo Chara, who’s Amu’s friend? Either Nadeshiko or Rima (depending the season). They are part of the friend super hero group so the MC Can whole heartedly confide in them. Any problem that arises is one they instantly tell their best friend and they’re the mature one who help them get through.

And Ayla is not this.

Even as she transformed into superhero she did not know Marinette’s identity, so all emotional support she could have provided in that front was essentially flushed down the toilet. If at the very beginning, Ayla had been made aware of it, there wouldn’t have been an issue. After all, it would have cemented her as someone Marinette places a lot of trust into, perhaps even more than Chat, either bcs she was there when he wasn’t or only the fact she knows the “real” her.

Anyways, since that did NOT happen, Ayla failed as a Best Friend (tm), narratively speaking. If they had let it die there, it would have been awkward but not terrible.

But then in season 4 Marinette confesses she’s is Ladybug.

At this point, there’s no real connection with Ayla. Chat is someone who deserves to know her identity more, and someone who’s supported her for far longer in many more forms. It just doesn’t make sense for her to confess.

Except, of course, trying to shoehorn the Best Friend (tm) too late into the series.

This is all entirely from a narrative perspective, and does not begin to touch the fact that Ayla isn’t exactly the /best/ of friends.

Someone who trust Lila rather than her friend she’s known all year, someone who jeopardizes her best friend’s identity over her fucking boyfriend, who in her darkest hours isn’t there for Marinette, and that breeched her friends privacy to satiate her own curiosity over her secrets.

She has no leg to stand on to be the Best Friend (tm).

4.- Rival Friendship

Yeah this was sort of what I talked abt in the big Magical Girl Essay. This is actually, what I would argue, the most important friend character there can be in a magical girl setting. Not only does it serve as playful banter but as a contrast to the main character’s ideals and temper.

I tend to include any character that has a rivalrous rship with the MC, be it the villain or a fellow superhero. They don’t have to be the best of friends or be on super friendly terms, the only condition is that when one is in trouble the other jumps in to help.

Again, Utau from Shugo Chara, Rei from Sailor Moon, Mint from Tokyo Mew Mew, Fate from Lyrical Nanoha, Meimei from Sakura, Rue from Princess Tutu, they’re all good examples.

They bring balance. In some cases the MC already has a vanilla friend who’ll cheer them up by giving sweet advice. The Friendly Rival serves to knock some sense into our MC and give harsh but necessary advice.

This absolutely should have been Chloe, and it’s a role that I do believe is necessary in this show.

The way characters treat Marinette is…weird. In non-Lila episodes, in their eyes, Marinette can never do something wrong. Every decision she makes is the best she could have taken, it’s always correct. Only when Lila comes into the picture is she the one in the wrong to them - but not by the narrative. The narrative is always on her side, even when she’s done stuff wrong. Truly, Lila only serves as emotional torture porn, which is its own Can of worms we’re not touching today.

This is strange because even in Sakura (the most wholesome Can do no wrong MC) has moments where she has to apologize, or is in the wrong. When she fights with Kero, for example, it’s very much portrayed as an unreasoned response from both parties. And while Kero is being portrayed by the narrative as the one blowing it out of proportion, in the end it’s Sakura who makes a compromise by gifting him new “room”.

Marinette does not have this which makes it very annoying that she keeps getting away with things that are creepy or straight up wrong. The narrative is never willing to portray anything she does as anything other than ideal or silly. This is where someone who doesn’t coddle her, but rightfully calls out her actions from a place of love and care SHOULD come into play.

When Usagi doesn’t want to study, Amy happily tells her she’ll help, but Rei is the one telling her angrily that she has to. When Usagi is about to give up, it’s always Rei that yells at her to snap out of it.

Chloe should absolutely be this character. Someone who will tell her she’s wrong, especially in situations or arguments where Chat Noir can’t be the voice of reason - aka who she loves or her secret identity.

The fact that no such character exists is already making the story too saccharine sweet towards her. Even Sakura had Mei Mei, when Syaoran or Kero couldn’t be the ones to tell her to snap out of it (And also, Yue was particularly cold towards her but we’re focusing on girls rn shhh)

But because they ruined Chloe’s character we don’t have this.

And I do believe it has to do with the sexism of Thomas. Unable to picture friendship between girls as anything but unconditional kindness. I’m sorry but I’ve had extremely complex and fun friendship where we are both kinda mean towards each other. In fact, saccharine sweet friendships are the weird ones in my culture. It doesn’t help that the shows tends to portray the world in good or bad, depending on a singular action. You’re either a good girl or a mean girl. Any complexities are thrown out the window (although he’s more than willing to make adult men complex characters with good and bad in them so, yay, sexism!)

They tried briefly with Kagami too…but they fumbled it and it never gave anything. She was a love rival, they were friends, Adrien and her got together, they broke up, Marinette tried to help her and then…I think she joined a cult? I’m not sure I’m not up to date with the series. But it gave us so little of their actual friendship that it almost slipped my mind this was what they were trying to do.

That leads me to the most atrocious example of female friendship.

5.- The Devoted Lesbian

This trope didn’t have a place in Ladybug. None at all.

So, everyone knows the devoted lesbian. It’s the extremely queer coded friend that’s willing to do anything for the MC. Tomoyo from Sakura, Homura from Puella, to a degree Nanoha from Lyrical Nanoha, to a lesser degree Seiya from Sailor Moon Stars.

It serves a purpose to highlight the goodness of a MC, kind and nice to the point people fall in love with them. Sakura is the best example, but the devotion Homura has for Madoka also serves to highlight her status a goddess. In Nanoha, Nanoha’s obsession comes from the belief that Fate is a good person and deserves a better futures. And in Sailor Mook Stars Seiya offers an alternative to the loyal and devoted Usagi who’s still waiting for Mamoru. (I have to say maybe Utena has this too OBVIOUSLY but tbh I haven’t seen it yet so)

This is often a queer story. Even if Sakura and Usagi have heterosexual romances - Sakura isn’t straight and neither is Usagi. The stories play with gender and sexuality, and it’s ultimately about the relationships people have that deviate from the perceived normality.

Yeah, Ladybug has neither.

And they’re trying to introduce Zoe as this. Which is. Weird. Again, she’s supposed to substitute the Rival Friendship Characters, why on Earth is she a devoted Lesbian?

The reason why I call her this, is because inside the narrative she very much is - even if the writers are sooooo bad at writing women that it doesn’t come across as one to the audience.

If we still assume that Ayla is supposed to be the Best Friend (tm), and she still falls for Lila’s tricks - only someone who’s utterly devoted and believes wholeheartedly and unconditionally in Marinette can see through those lies. It’s something as crazy as fighting off Akumatization.

You can either see this as the writers trying to make Zoe the new Best Friend (tm)…but that’s somehow worse. It’s changing dynamics that have been here for close to 5 seasons. And AGAIN because of the weird way the writers see female friendship…I do believe it’s coming off as the devoted lesbian trope rather than the Best Friend (tm). Especially with how what’s little left of the fandom, are all obsessed with shipping Zoe and Marinette. This does not happen with the Best Friend (tm). It almost never does. Because competent writers make it clear that they’re just friends. You don’t ship Madoka with Sayaka or Mami (well you can but it’s not the majority) you ship her with Homura. And you don’t ship (I do but shhh) Usagi with Makoto or Mina, you ship her with Seiya.

Zoe is the Devoted Lesbian right now. The show absolutely does not need her. In fact I would say, it perishes what little hope there was for girl friendships in this series. It again hammers home that the only friends you can have are those who coddle you, adore you, or think you can do no wrong. And anyone who disagrees with you, even a little, is a terrible horrible monster (Lila), has the potential to be one (Kagami) or evil incarnate (Chloe)

I love girl friendships to death, and I’m always down for a good wlw story. But these characters are neither complex enough to have friendships with each other in a way that feels genuine, nor do the authors know how the hell girl friends work. Much less queer ones.

They should have never given center stage to them, not only bcs that wasn’t the focus of CHAT NOIR AND LABYBUG but also bcs they have no idea how to write compelling friendships.

To be honest, if they had been good enough to make this premise work, that’s to say the Chat Ladybug dynamic, there’s a high chance they could have created compelling friendships too.

Like, if they couldn’t pull of a romantic m/f rship with an entire fandom backing them and hyping them up? They could have NEVER pulled off anything. Period. It’s like failing Middle School Maths and trying to solve College level Calculus homework. The problem isn’t the equation, it’s that’s you’re bad it. And even if it were the equation, no one can tell because you filled the goddamn notebook with scribbles.

[dragonsbone]

Hi!! I've fallen in love with your GoT oc Joanna and I was wondering if I could please be added to the tag list?

I was also wondering if you could say how Joanna's going to get along with Elia Sand! What's their relationship going to be like? Oh and is she going to have any time with the Tyrells? Or Sansa? What's her relationship going to be like with Oberyn? I'm so excited for all the edits and gifs you make!!

hi there !! and yes ofc i can add u, thank u sm for asking !!

so i haven’t met elia sand in the books yet ( i have just started reading the series too so it may take me a while to get to that point ), but from what i read on the wiki, josana and elia would definitely bond over their love of horses. josana grew up loving horses because of her mother, laissa. she takes the time to read and learn the different breeds, diseases, best ways of riding, etc. it’s one of the many things that sets her apart from her uncle and it’s a part of her childhood that remains untouched and tainted after years of tywin crafting her into being his pawn. elia is definitely no lady by any means, so there would obviously be a difference in that aspect, but i think their dynamic would be interesting to reach at some point !! elia seems super fucking cool and i absolutely love this quote from her “i am almost a woman grown, ser. i'll let you spank me, though ... but first you'll need to tilt with me, and knock me off my horse.” like how iconic !!

funny how u mention the tyrells because i am in the process of really deep diving with brainstorming to formulate their dynamics. i will be including willas and maybe garlan, but probably only by mention. not sure yet. most definitely willas bc he’s the heir to highgarden and josana was former queen of the north and bore a male heir. now that sansa is wed to tyrion, josana is the next option for the tyrells to undermine the lannisters. it doesn’t go as far at all like it’s quickly snuffed out by tywin and gives josana a truly awful match, but it’s all part of my plans ehehehehehe. anyways, for the rest of the tyrells, the dynamics are still tentative as i need to understand who these characters are from show vs books. once i have those similarities and differences figured out perfectly, then i can easily plot it !!

so,,,, sansa,,,, this one is complicated bc i made a huge change to josana’s story ( for the better to reinforce my themes, but it’s an even angstier change ). starting off in the beginning when they’re both in winterfell, sansa wants to impress josana as she does with princess myrcella, joffrey, cersei, etc. josana is to marry her brother and they would become family, so they are spending time getting to know each other and bonding! josana always liked sansa and vice versa !! very very good terms. and then the war happened. sansa being alone in king’s landing surrounded by lannisters is not pleasant by any means. and her opinion on josana changes drastically over time bc of all the scandalous rumors, but most importantly,,,, the red wedding. a cliff note’s version: josana is outed by lord walder frey for her treason against the starks, which he knew bc of tywin. he makes a toast to her after everyone’s been slaughtered except robb and catelyn and says “this is the fruit of her labor” and from then on, she is known as a traitorous bitch, the queen who lost the north, the widow queen, etc. though sansa is never present at the red wedding, word travels fast and rumors spread like wildfire. i do have positive plans in the future for josana and sansa, but i really need to plan out the best and most realistic approach to tackle my changes since i didn’t initially plan on josana’s betrayal to ever be revealed, especially in that horrible situation. it’s tricky, but hopefully i can come up with the best option to have a brighter future for their dynamic bc i love sansa so much. her and josana go through similar ( yet still wildly different ) paths and female friendships mean sm to me !!

i LOVE josana and oberyn SO MUCH !!!!!!!!! my partners in crime and sexy fwb !! i have a whole ask dedicated to them here, but i’ll happily talk about them more if u have any other questions specifically !!

i apologize for how long this is, i got carried away. but thank u so so so much for asking all of these questions !! i am super tired so i apologize for any rambling or spelling/grammar errors, but i hope these provided some insight on josana’s story !! if u would like to know anything else, feel free to shoot another ask, and i’ll happily answer anything <3

[dontchange-youregorgeous]

Idk what to do

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and looking back on the past. A year into our relationship you asked me what my dream proposal was. 3 years in you talked with a stranger talking about getting engaged. Later you said you didn’t want to get engaged until you lived with someone for at least a year, by August itll be 3 years. I’ve asked you about getting engaged again recently since I wanted to make sure we were on the same page of wanting to get married at the right time. You said how rings are expensive and how he needs to save, I told him I didn’t want an expensive ring at all and that I’ve seen a ring I fell in love with that is literally so inexpensive since I don’t want a diamond ring. He got upset, went to his sock drawer and threw a box at me. Told me to open it. Inside were two rings from his grandmother that he said he was saying to have them smelted into something I would like. Then he got upset for even showing me the rings and blamed it on him being fucked up and asked if I could forget it. Before we lived together we’d talk on the phone for hours, you’d send me texts throughout the day. Now I’m lucky if I get a text at all. When we were together, we snuggle all the time. Now I beg you to hold me and you just laugh and say I’m being too needy. I get no after care after intimacy. You want me to move across the country with you and yet things are so vastly different then they were before. It’s been almost 7 years of course there’s growing pains, our dynamic would surely change as we do. But the changes are drastic. I’ve been asking you questions lately- are you still attracted to me?you said I was being dramatic and said yes. Do you love me? “I don’t show it?” What’s your love language ? “what are you even saying? Why ask me this when I’m fucked up” I hurt my back last week and couldn’t move too great for a few days. you brought up my weight.. and everything I did to hurt my back was stuff around the house. “I’m a piece of shit. I don’t help out enough” something I hear so frequently but there’s never an action for it. Imagine being home for a three day weekend and the most you do is go pick up beer and more cigarettes. Meanwhile if I’m on a day off I have to clean, and cook since if I don’t no one else sure as fuck won’t.

Last night you came home and drank two 6 packs of beer by yourself and smoked your weed. Getting yourself fucked up on a Wednesday when you have work in the morning. I woke up on my day off to you throwing up (hung over) when you came to the bedroom I asked if there was something going on and if you were okay since.. who tf does this shit when they have to be at work at 6am the next morning.

You yelled at me saying “yes giving someone a lecture when they’re hungover is exactly what you should do”

I told you again that I’m just asking for your well-being like what’s going on.

“I’ve had this my whole life” with sarcasm and attitude. As you finished getting ready and left for the day.

You need fucking help.

I don’t want to be with someone that gets fucked up alone on a weekday. Knowing it’s not healthy. Not wanting to talk about anything.

I don’t want to be with someone whose words and actions just lead me feeling insecure in our relationship when I constantly pour love into them with words, acts of service and touches.

I don’t want to be with someone who takes out their anger and anxieties on me for the whole duration of a “vacation”

I don’t want someone who gets mad at me for talking to their family and casually mentioning your drinking. Since you said you know it’s unhealthy and embarrassing.. if you really thought that maybe cut down.

I don’t want someone who doesn’t say anything anymore when I do do my makeup or hair.

I don’t want someone who makes getting dressed pointless since Ik we’re not going anywhere anyways.

I ask to go on dates and you say yeah yeah and the day comes and you don’t want to leave the bed. Or how I make plans with you and you don’t want to do any of it. Won’t consider it for shit. I get excited about plans that just go to shit immediately

[infernalrevenge]

HCs abt an S/O of Lady D's who's struggling to get her daughters' approval? It's rarely addressed in fanfics, but y'all.. becoming a stepparent is a hard and frustrating journey, especially when mama and kids have such tight bonds. Makes small wins feel so rewarding, tho! What are your thoughts on that? How would D react, how would she help? (or make it harder, in true possessive Mother Hen™ fashion..) Which flybaby would warm up to S/O first? How would S/O try to win each of them over, etc..?

Oooh this is a really cool thought! Not that I have a lot of experience with stepparents but yeah, changes and adjustments in family dynamics like that can't be easy. I think I'm gonna have some fun with this.

When the Dimitrescu sisters found out you were the human dating their mother, at first they were mostly indifferent. Not like it's their business as to who Alcina gets it on with anyway (and they could also be thinking you would quickly turn to lunch if you fuck up badly enough, in which case they would gladly join her in the feast.)

They might quip with you sometimes, but for the most part, you're left alone.

But when they realized you were here to stay and might become a parental figure in their life... oh boy.

You're telling them they have to answer to you now? A mere mortal? On what grounds? Just because you have sex with their mom? They think the fuck not.

Hell, they're individually old enough to be your parent, so truly... what the fuck?

(Part of that fear of you joining the family may come from thinking that Alcina now has someone else to preoccupy herself with, so there's less time for them. Perhaps even less love for them. They can't have that. That can't happen.)

As for your partner's reaction? She's kind of torn. On one hand, she understands how her daughters feel about having a new family member suddenly join the dynamic -- someone they barely know relative to each other. You could have been around for a few years, but they've been all together for more than half a century, and they're doing just fine.

On the other, she wants to see you all getting along. She loves you and wants you to be a part of her life, and of course she also loves her daughters with all her heart.

She's not really sure what to do, so she kind of... ends up not doing anything.

But she is curious as to what you'll do about the situation though, since the sisters would hardly make it a secret that your presence is an annoyance at best, completely unwanted and unwelcome at worst.

Bela, surprisingly, might be the hardest to win over. You would think that, as the eldest, she should be the one to lead by example and be the mature one. Plus, she's always looking for her mother's approval, so approving of you may get her on her good side (and yours.)

But she's very opposed to change, especially one that affects her life this much when it's not her choice.

She lets Cassandra and Daniela get away with pulling harmless pranks on you to get under your skin, or make Alcina mad at you. She pretends to not have a direct hand in them and would passive-aggressively remark on whatever they did.

Oh, your clothes were misplaced and looking for new ones made you late to a date with the Lady? "None of them were very nice anyway. This is doing you a favor."

You found dog poop under your bed and now you reek? "I don't smell that much of a difference."

Getting doused in sticky honey and molasses somehow? "At least Mother has a reason to think you're sweet now."

They would never do anything to hurt you, not unless they want to incur their mother's wrath or sadness, just... little things (hopefully enough to get you to leave.)

But luckily, if you're a patient and persistent person, they (ever so) slowly warm up to you in different ways.

The most important thing to remember is that they're different people despite having a lot of things in common, so your manner of approaching them will have to vary for each sister.

Daniela might be the easiest to win over, such a sociable little fly. She might try to be standoffish at first, but if you bring up a book series that she enjoys reading as a topic for conversation, she can and will keep you there for hours talking about the characters, dissecting certain themes, and explaining her theories of the inner machinations of the plot.

If you actually start reading it upon her recommendation, she becomes ecstatic. Finally, someone other than her sisters she can explain these theories to! And someone who can actually relate and add on to them!

Eventually, she'll come to realize that having you around won't mean the end of their family. It just means they're getting more out of it -- a new member to love, and one who loves them.

Cassandra might be a little territorial about her current interests, so you'll have to take on a different approach.

Maybe try introducing her to something that peripherally matches what she likes now. She seems to really like hunting and torture to take her aggression out on, so uh... maybe try martial arts?

It would be more fun if it was something the both of you were new at, so you could bond over attempting to do things together. Nothing says "I want to get to know my stepdaughter better" like letting her throw you to the mat and laugh in excitement when she gets the technique right.

She is still very stubborn though, so she may take a while to fully convince. Even when it seems like you're on her good side, there's a tiny bit of denial. But she'll come around, no matter how reluctant.

Finally, as for Bela, she just needs to see that, though most of her family now genuinely likes you, that it doesn't have to change a thing about how they feel about her either. They're not going to abandon her or anything that drastic just because someone new has entered their lives.

Seeing her sisters approve of you can be jarring, no matter how long or gradual the process may have been. Like, weren't they switching out your shampoos and putting snakes in your closet last year? Why is everyone buddy buddy now? (Why are they leaving her behind?)

She'll start to act bitter toward everyone, feeling like she's been betrayed and shut herself away. She doesn't even want to see her own mother anymore.

But eventually, you have to talk to Alcina to do something too -- she could see you were making an effort, but she's not making it clear to her daughters what exactly was happening. She should be the first to approach Bela regarding the subject, along with her sisters.

You may need some time alone with her as well to drive the point home too. Having more people in the family doesn't mean less love, but in fact it means more, because now you're there to care for her too.

And she has to admit that seeing her mother care for you, having her sisters like you, it didn't really feel like they were any different towards her. They were more insistent in getting her to spend time with you, sure, but other than that... things were mostly the same.

The acceptance may be begrudging at first, but when she actually gets used to this new norm, she'll come around.

If you want to bond with her, you can teach her something. She likes learning new things, and she'll start to warm up to you more if she has reason to keep going to you to get this new information.

It can be anything -- music, arts, sports, cooking, you name it. Even introducing her to new technology will help get on her good side. You'd be surprised at how quickly she gets into it that you start to wonder why it was so hard to get her to like you in the first place.

Also, just talk to her. As a person, as your new daughter, whatever. Just acknowledge her and be honest. She appreciates the little things.

All in all, it's going to be tough. The journey will have its ups and downs, and not everything is going to be smooth sailing. Communication is key, though, as with any sort of relationship. Let the girls know you care for them just as much as you love and care for their mother. In a way, that's all they really want.

But they're not calling you "mom/dad/parental unit". First name basis with a stepparent (affectionate) all the way.

[farfromstrange]

Foreigner's God: Chapter 12

Main Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x OFC

Chapter Summary: Eliza needs a friend. She now has two. It’s a bit hard to navigate the new situation. Her life has changed drastically and so did her relationships, so getting used to being a part of the Nelson and Murdock dynamic will take some getting used to, especially since everyone seems to be worrying about her, and getting a second of peace seems like it’s out of question. But Nelson and Murdock wouldn’t be themselves if they didn’t find a way to get her mind off of things.

Warnings: there is some actual fluff in there, some angst, the tension gets a bit spicy but in a sad way, attempt at humor, alcohol consumption, language

Word Count: 10.4k

A/n: yea, basically, the song doesn’t fit at all but I like the title and the song is great, and midnights is coming out this weekend so… you won’t catch me NOT including Taylor one way or another, she’s too talented for that

Read Chapter 12: It's Nice To Have A Friend here on AO3!

18+

“What the hell is wrong with you?” 

Foggy’s reaction was understandable. She, in fact, did not know what was wrong with her, and no, she wasn’t thinking. He knew how the story went. There was not a single thought to be found behind her head, or at least not a smart one. 

Eliza bit her nail. She felt like the center of an intervention. Quite frankly, it looked like one, with Matt on one side of the desk and Foggy behind it, his hair standing in all possible directions from all the ruffling it had gone through in the course of the ten minutes she took to explain their findings to him - and then she told him about Frank Mueller and the whole conversation took a turn. She was pacing the floor of the small office space. They had agreed to meet there after Karen turned in for the night. 

She figured Matt got off on the fact that Foggy was reacting the same way he did. He was a smug asshole. “That’s exactly what I said,” he said. 

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m sorry?” she asked. She copied Matt’s stance down to a tee, with her hands on her hips and head tilted to one side. “We’ve already been through this. It was stupid, I get it. Shit’s already hit the fan. There’s nothing we can do to change it.”

“You could just not go,” Foggy suggested.

“He’d find a way to make our lives a living hell.”

“So what, you expect me to call the prison and ask them if you could visit this guy tomorrow, without preparations?”

“You don’t have to ask. I’m already on the list.”

“How?” 

“He has ways, okay? You just need to contact them and agree that I’m coming. Of course, there’s the issue of his lawyers that might come up once we’re there, but I’m sure you will shoot them down. They’re not the brightest candles in the chandelier.”

“Oh, my God.” He heaved a heavy sigh. “This is a disaster. Why did I agree to this? What was I thinking? Oh,” he said to Eliza, “that’s a question you might want to write down.” 

She grabbed the stationary from the corner of his organized desk. The pencil scratched against the paper. Her lip twitched - sometimes, she was the funniest person on the planet. She lifted the pink note into his eyesight.

FUCK OFF.

Foggy deadpanned. “You are so mature.” At least he didn’t call her a child. 

Instead of answering, she turned the paper and scribbled down another series of letters. GO TO HELL! It read. 

“You know,” Matt said beside them, “This is very irritating. If you write something down, at least tell me. The sound of handwriting exceeds my abilities.”

“She’s insulting me,” Foggy stated. 

“Because he deserves it,” she said. 

“Why, because I’m telling the truth?”

“Okay.” Eliza tore the paper apart. “That’s enough! Stop acting like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” Matt challenged. He blinked in mock surprise behind his glasses, she knew he did. What a bastard. 

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Matt.”

“What?”

“Fuck you.”

He rolled his shoulders. The tension managed to tear a hole through his muscles. “What’d you just say?” he asked. 

“I said-”

She walked up to him. If it hadn’t been for Foggy, she would’ve drop-kicked him. The man got up from his chair and this time it was he who had to play the mediator. He waved his hands between them as if that would somehow cure the tension. “Okay,” he said. “I think we are all worked up. I mean, Eliza’s right. Shit’s already hit the fan. She has to meet him, whether we like it or not. Besides, it’s her choice, as stupid as it may be.”

Eliza groaned out loud. “It’s not stupid. He can give us the answers we need.”

“With all due respect, Eliza, and I respect you like no other simply because you terrify me,” - she hummed; good start - “but this man did not only experiment on you when you were a kid, but he also stashed a phone in a storage unit that was rented under one of Hydra’s aliases,” he said. “He knew you were gonna be there. He can say he isn’t involved all he wants, but he is. He totally is. Even I can see that and I’m not a fancy superhero. I’m just some boring dude with a law degree.”

“You don’t have to understand it now,” she told them, “But when we’re done, you’re gonna thank me. This is Hydra, I know what I’m doing.” Her words sounded so heroic and they would’ve remained that way if her body hadn’t suddenly been overcome by the loudest sneeze she could muster. 

Matt sighed. “I told you, you were gonna get sick.”

“Oh, you know what-” she grabbed the box of evidence from the chair reserved for clients during the day, and headed straight for the door. “I’m going to take this and continue in the other room because apparently, I’m too much of a handful for you.”

“Eliza, wait!”

“Nope. I’ve got a laptop to fix.”

She made a beeline for the room across the hall. 

“You know that is my office, right?” Matt called after her. His only answer was the loud banging of the door as it fell shut behind her. 

Foggy grabbed his forearm. “Give her some time,” he said. 

“She thinks we don’t believe in her.”

“I know.”

“It’s hurting her. I can’t just leave it at that. I already screwed up once today, Foggy.”

He sighed, taking his friend’s broad shoulders in his hands. “If you go in there now, you’re gonna say a lot more stuff that’s gonna hurt her. You know that, Matt.”

His nostrils flared at the heavy breath he heaved.

“Come on, man. There is nothing that could make her hate you,” Foggy told him. His heartbeat remained steady, although way too fast from the lack of hydration.

Matt’s admission was quiet. “I don’t want to lose her, and I don’t want it to be my fault.”

“Right now, you can’t tell your worry apart from your anger. Am I happy about her decision? Hell no! But that girl needs some time right now, Matt. The last couple of days were especially hard on her, let alone the months before that and the days that are gonna follow now. Give her time to collect herself, then try again later. Until then,” he picked up the phone, “We can try to create a battle strategy that doesn’t end in homicide. God knows we need it for tomorrow.”

He huffed. Foggy was right. Oh, he hated how right he was. “Fine,” he caved. 

“I’m gonna call the prison and confirm the visiting hours. If she’s really on his list for tomorrow morning, there is a lot of research we have to catch up on.”

The pair decided to order take-out for the evening. Neither of them had had the time to eat something other than a quick snack. With all the caffeine coursing through their veins, it was a surprise they hadn’t dropped dead yet. The amount of work they had ahead of them made sleeping almost impossible, so they chose to get comfortable in the conference room, and what could be better than munching away on Chinese food over stacks of legal files? 

Matt was only listening with half an ear as Foggy read something to him. He tried to focus, but every once in a while, he drifted off and found himself searching for Eliza’s very distinctive heartbeat in his office. It smelled like a mixture of him and her, and a little bit of the rain they had gotten themselves into. They didn’t talk much after reaching her apartment. She packed some clothes and watered her plants. He hadn’t dared to move, afraid to do or say the wrong thing again. Between them, morale was a little fragile. 

He’s heard the song she was humming before somewhere. Perhaps Foggy had played it on his radio once after a long day at the office. Either way, it got significantly harder to concentrate after her sweet voice began to play the background music of his thoughts. 

The food arrived shortly after. Eliza wasn’t a simple woman, not even in the slightest, and that didn’t stop at food either. The wrong consistency could easily trigger her. She forgot to eat most of the time, but whenever she managed to get herself some food for fuel, she always made sure that everything was prepared a certain way. She ate around the white parts of the salad, refused to bite down on tomatoes when they were still whole, and if there wasn’t a glass of water with her food just in case something wouldn’t sit right with her, she couldn’t eat. 

So Matt got her the same thing he ordered, minus the meat because Eliza being Eliza, just had to be vegetarian. She didn’t drink normal milk, only soy or oat milk, but she loved yogurt and ice cream. If she had been vegan, he wouldn’t have known what to order. He was the king of hating almost all consistency – his senses were so sensitive, he could barely stand the smell of some foods. As soon as something didn’t feel right, he was repulsed and he couldn’t continue to eat. That was why he had one meal that he ordered regularly. It was the only one that didn’t make him cringe like someone just slid a dried Sharpie down a whiteboard.

The hardest part was approaching her. He needed to make her look at him and that was a challenge in itself. 

He knocked on the door to his office. She didn’t reply. He chose to enter regardless. Her heartbeat picked up; she sensed his presence. He placed the container with the noodles on the desk and waited. He waited and waited and waited until the movements of her fingers stopped and she lifted her head. 

He had taken off his glasses, placing them next to the food. He was looking down at her – it looked like it, anyway. His eyebrows were raised slightly, expectantly. 

Eliza wiped her brow on her shirt. “What?” she asked. She was in the middle of fixing the hard drive enough to extract the data that was on it. He didn’t seem to care. 

“I brought you some dinner,” he stated.

“I didn’t order anything.”

“You haven’t eaten all day.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Your blood sugar is low.”

She frowned. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Blood pressure. I can hear your heartbeat. A low pulse indicates low blood pressure. Low blood pressure could mean a variety of things, but considering the way you’re shaking, I’m pretty sure your blood sugar is low.”

It was sweet, kind of, but at the same incredibly creepy. His eyes softened in the dim light of the desk lamp. “Eat, please,” he said. 

Eliza pulled the container towards herself. Demonstrating the fork — why did she do that? – she opened it and dug in. The first taste was surprisingly good. All the hours without a proper meal had passed so fast, she didn’t realize how hungry she was. She peaked up through her eyelashes. He finally appeared pleased. 

“Thank you.” He didn’t leave after saying it. He pulled the chair in front of his desk and sat down.

“I’m not getting rid of you anytime soon, am I?” she asked, her mouth still half stuffed. 

He snatched some of the documents he had left a couple of days prior from the tabletop. “No.” 

“If you want to say something, say it.”

“What’s that song?”

“What song?”

“The one you keep humming. I heard it earlier while I was, uh- Doesn’t matter. I was just wondering what it’s called.”

Eliza pressed the enter button on her laptop. The string of sounds that followed was foreign, even to him. 

“Chasing Cars,” she told him. 

Matt snapped his fingers. “Snow Patrol?”

“I guess so, yeah.”

“I knew it!”

“It’s- I don’t know, I’ve had this song stuck in my head for years. I don’t know why I keep singing it.”

“I love that song.”

“You do?”

“Hmm, but Run is still my favorite.” 

That, she believed. “Huh, interesting.” 

“Do you play the piano?” he asked. 

She wondered where the sudden interest in small talk came from. 

“I used to play,” she admitted. “How did you know that?”

“You do that thing with your fingers.” He moved his middle and ring finger up and down, and up and down. “I don’t know, you only do it when you’re stressed or nervous. It’s the same melody of the song you’re singing.”

“How do you know?”

“Would it surprise you to say I can play the piano myself?” he asked with a cheeky smile.

She thought about it, then broke into a chuckle. “Can’t say I am,” she said. “Surprised, I mean. Impressed, maybe. But I might need proof to corroborate your statement.”

“I think we can make that work.”

“I suppose you know how to play because of your hearing, right? You memorized the keys and now you play by what you hear not what you read because I don’t peg you as the kinda guy who reads sheet music.”

Matt snapped his fingers in her direction. “You’re good,” he said.

“Nah, you’re just easy to read sometimes.”

“Ha!” he chuckled. “Okay, thank you.”

Eliza smiled, but the nerves she was experiencing ruined the mood. “Is it bothering you?” she found herself asking. “The humming. The thing with my fingers. Do you need me to stop?”

“What? No.” He seemed honestly offended that she would think that. She was the only source of comfort he had. “I like your voice. I told you that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure as I could be.”

The next few beats were spent in total silence. 

“I’m sorry,” they naturally synched up when they said it. As if they had prepared the series of events long before. Matt smiled and so did she and somehow everything that happened before moved to the back of their minds. 

“I know you only care about me,” Eliza said. 

She felt confident that this was all it had to be. In the end, she would act the same. And the circumstances were especially unique, so there was hardly anyone to blame other than those trying to kill her and, after a reasonable conclusion, the other two as well. 

They had been so caught up in each other, the thought of the glass overflowing never once crossed their minds.

It’s easy to lose yourself in the right person and ignore the world around you because truth be told, we’re all fucking exhausted and there is a point in everyone’s lives where ignorance becomes bliss. You can easily fall into the arms of the person next to you and if they catch you, it’s natural to fall further. Though there is bound to come to a point where you will inevitably hit the floor and that perfect bubble you’ve been living in bursts. 

No one tells us that life isn’t easy until it’s too late. 

Matt and Eliza found each other at the right time, it seemed, but the right time had concealed itself as nothing but a takeoff point for disaster. Neither of them knew how to care for someone else without falling too fast, too deep. They were both equally messed up, and when you’re messed up, you tend to try and fix the people around you or rely on them at least, to make you forget about yourself.

It was bound to happen eventually - in a twisted sense, they had believed they were destined for each other, but the real world turned out to be much uglier. Their co-dependency was nothing if not unhealthy. She figured it was the pain that brought them together. Their mutual suffering attracted them to each other, but what sealed the deal was the fact that their first meeting thrust them into a strange territory, and since no one else had been there, they turned to each other for a shoulder to cry on.

As human nature depicts, we’re sociable creatures. We’re not meant to wander this world alone and even if we, ourselves, refuse to form attachments, our brains do it for us. They were drawn to each other because they didn’t have a choice. 

Matt shifted in his chair. “I understand now,” he stated. 

“Understand what?” Eliza asked. 

“Why you do it. You believe that something’s there. And the more I or even Foggy keep telling you not to make brainless decisions - and I realize now that there is, in fact, a lot of thought behind everything you do and not just rash decisions that will end in you getting hurt - no, I realized that the more we keep telling you no, the more you feel compelled to do the opposite. It’s not because you’re young or immature, it’s because you believe you’re doing the right thing and our minds are… I don’t think I can get behind your radical approach, at least not yet. We’re lawyers, you’re you - our lives are inherently different, and even as Daredevil I have never, not once, faced a threat as big as Hydra, and I’ve fought Wilson Fisk. It’s- I think you were right the night we first met. I would’ve been way in over my head there if it hadn’t been for you.”

The confession was raw, vulnerable, and in bits brutal, but he meant every word of what he said. The hues around his soul faded into one constant color, soft orange. It meant nothing and everything. Orange is the color of vigilance, but as it grows lighter, the meaning changes. There was no way to describe how she knew this time or any other time because there wasn’t a guide on how to read the color wheel of emotions - she just knew. As small as the differences might seem on paper, even the slightest change in shade felt like worlds apart, and she sensed those emotions way better. Umbrella terms are just that, and just like they aren’t meant to be specific in the English language, the emotional color wheel responded about the same. Vigilance could mean everything and nothing, but light orange? That was interest and serenity and that meant Matt had set their differences aside and tried to understand, at least.

Eliza set the food container down. Now and then, she would poke a slice of carrot and stab it into one of the noodles just to wipe it off at the cardboard corner. “Resistance is encouragement,” she stated. She wasn’t even sure what it meant. The thought suddenly appeared and as fast as it came, it went. 

Her words must have meant something to him. He chuckled and he smiled, and all of that without having to tell a joke. “Oh, I should’ve known you were gonna hit me with physics,” he said. 

“Ah, that’s where I was going with this.” How long had it been since she last slept? “I mean, yeah. You push me, I push back. We keep on ignoring how fucked up we are and that the universe is gonna fuck us up. After all, there is one silver lining it all comes down to - past and present - because the world has and will always work the same way; Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It’s as much the rule of physics as it is human nature.”

“Okay, smarty pants. I get it. They should give you the Nobel Price.”

“I prefer the term genius.”

“Sure. Has that ever been proven? You know, since it’s a scientific term that requires an IQ test.”

She loved that glint in his eyes. He often had it when he joked, an indication he took nothing he said even remotely seriously. Matt often spoke with his eyes, even though he couldn’t see. He depended on facial expressions and dialed back on words. There was a difference between seeing people like Foggy who could hide their emotions behind pretentious words and look away, diverting their gaze or even faking it - not that they were successful - and blind people like Matt, though he was the first blind person she met. He was nothing like the ordinary, but essentially, he couldn’t see. His eyes didn’t move because his pupils neither dilated nor did they shrink. They were immune to the light. It was much easier to see what he was feeling or even thinking because he couldn’t run anywhere, metaphorically speaking. He couldn’t divert his gaze or fake a pathetic look in his eyes. The brown and green of his eyes were raw and the emotions behind even rawer. Even when he pretended to be fine, the war he was fighting with himself remained the best-displayed secret in the depths of his eyes, so unmoving and still, and yet they were much deeper than the pacific ocean ever could be.

She cherished that. She could look at him and not be afraid he was lying to her because she could tell just by looking at him. The inability to use his eyes to choose what to express made him more vulnerable than the general population. He fell victim to his facial expression. She wondered if he knew, but considering his senses were multiplied at least tenfold, he probably did. 

He raised his eyebrows even higher. “You’re staring,” he said. 

Eliza slapped herself out of it. The trance he put her in was astronomical. “Sorry, I was just-”

“Gazing lovingly into my eyes?”

“Staring at you,” she said.

“I liked my option better.”

“Do you know,” and she knew how that sounded, “That because your pupils don’t dilate, I can perfectly see what you’re feeling?”

He blinked. So he didn’t know it. Probably not, judging by the way his forehead wrinkled and he contemplated. He touched the wood of his desk, rough fingers slightly scratching until he reached his glasses. 

She gently placed her hand atop his. “Don’t,” she told him. 

He was scared or embarrassed or maybe even a mixture of both. As she said, he was vulnerable like this. 

“Is that why you wear the glasses?”

“I wear them because people tend to freak out or ask questions about what’s wrong with my eyes,” he quickly answered. “And they’re sensitive, sometimes. I have to conform to society as a blind man somehow.”

“Your eyes are like the ocean, Matt. We both know how sensitive I am to other people’s emotions. I can feel them and I can see them. With you, I don’t even have to use my powers to see what state you’re currently in. I don’t even have to be afraid you’re lying to me. May I make an observation?”

He loosened his grip on the glasses. She took them and placed them in the drawer next to her, far away from him. It was a silent go-ahead.

“I think you only do it because you know I can tell what you’re feeling either way and that with me, without your glasses, you can be vulnerable,” she said, “because I am the last person who would judge or try to make you feel uncomfortable.”

His eyes softened. She had hit a nerve. “I can be more of myself around you than I can be with anyone else,” he said.

“Of course, you can.”

“Being like this… it’s vulnerable, you’re right. I don’t like being vulnerable, but I know that with you, I don’t have much of a choice anyway.” He chuckled. “You can read me like an open book already. I don’t have much left to hide.”

“That is so much better.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” she shrugged him off. “I was just thinking about the fact that this is how it should be. Us, getting to know each other.”

“We haven’t done that before, have we?” he said. 

“No, we haven’t.”

“And yet, it feels like I’ve known you a million lifetimes.”

She was afraid of that. 

“I want to be your friend, Matt,” she said. 

“I’m okay with that.” 

“Are you sure?”

Was he sure that being friends would suffice?

There was an obvious sexual attraction between them. They were both attractive, and they were both needy – they needed someone. Just because they wanted to fuck each other didn’t make them any more compatible outside of friendship. 

He was about to respond, but the sound of the laptop going off next to her beat him to it. 

“Restoration complete!” the automatic voice declared. 

Matt raised his eyebrows. “What’s that?” he asked.

“Alice,” she told him. “Matt, meet Alice. Alice, meet Matt.”

“Hello, Matthew.”

“Is that- is the computer speaking to us?” 

“I am not a computer,” Alice stated. “I’m an artificial intelligence program created by Eliza to help her with technical problems. As of five seconds ago, I have finished running diagnostics on the broken device she attached to my network and restored everything that was on it.”

He looked so intrigued. His eyes lit up and he smirked, it was genuine. “She can think,” he said. “This is incredible.”

“I also have the ability to feel emotions to a limited capacity.”

Eliza nodded. “I’m still working on that,” she said.  

“You did this?” He appeared behind her. His hand rested on her shoulder blades – no, not resting, it hovered, which felt a lot more intense. 

“Yeah, I do a lot of things.”

“You blow my mind, Eliza.”

She laid her head back. Her mouth was agape when she looked at him, not sure what to make of it. He leaned in. His lips came closer and closer to touching hers.

“That’s not possible,” Alice’s factual voice snapped the connection in two. “The human mind is a bodiless concept. Only the brain can be blown by heavy forces like explosives or guns. Are you feeling quite alright, Matthew, or do you need me to call an ambulance?” 

That managed to make her laugh wholeheartedly for the first time that day. It was mostly due to the look on Matt’s face. 

“I’m not going to argue with a computer,” he grumbled. 

“I am not a Computer. I am an artificial intelligence program-“

“Yeah, I know.”

“It’s okay, the origin of my existence is a common misconception. Not everyone can comprehend it.” 

Soft hair brushed against her cheek. “She’s definitely yours,” Matt said. He was pressed almost flush against her back. 

Alice wasn’t one to waste valuable minutes. She was a program, after all. Inhuman. She had no concept of space and time, so everything came promptly after each other. 

“Would you like me to open the contents of the broken hard drive you made me restore?” she asked. 

Eliza rolled over to her laptop. “Please.”

“Upon filtering out any possible dangers, I found only one file.”

“Have the others been destroyed?”

“I’m afraid there’s never been more than a surveillance program and said file on this particular device.”

She had no reason to be so afraid of a single digital file. It was nothing more than that. Even if it were something dangerous, it couldn’t hurt her. Not yet, at least. 

Alice worked her magic. Time went by in slow motion. The folder opened and in it, low and behold, was just a singular text editor document. Her fingers trembled as she moved the cursor across the screen. She pressed down on the file and held it there, just so. If she let go, it would open, and then maybe everything would change. The world could end, it could start again, or maybe someone would die. Either way, it was of no use to ponder about it – it was there and she had to open it. 

The next moment was spent in silence. The breath she had been holding escaped through her mouth. It was a shocked, shaky one that had her heart aching. The sweat ran cold on her salty skin. Matt’s hand found its way to her shoulder, the muscles underneath tense and searing. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispered. 

His voice was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

“It’s empty,” she said. “There is nothing on it. The document is empty.”

“What?”

She rose suddenly. Her hands slapped the desk. “We risked everything, everything, for what? Fucking nothing?”

The sound was painful. 

“It can’t be.” He felt along the laptop, but she shut it before he could find the keys. Not that he could read them, anyway. She almost squished his fingers, a careless motion. “What now?” he asked. 

“What now?” He felt her glare burning into his skin. “There is nothing we can do. It’s empty! Besides the surveillance program that was used to hack the security cameras and the physical evidence from the room like- like the pictures and the flashcards, we have nothing. There isn’t even a secret message encrypted in the file. We have nothing, Matt. Absolutely fucking nothing. This-“ She took the fried device next to hers and promptly threw it across the room. The glass shattered against the wall, the keys disconnecting and falling to the ground in small, broken pieces, and letters all around. “It’s useless.”

She reached for her laptop, but the object was replaced with a porcelain cup. Columbia University, it read. Matt had emptied the pencils onto the table, some lost Pennys falling out as well and handed the mug to her. 

Eliza groaned. She felt so utterly pathetic, the anger inside of her burned like a crazy bonfire that was close to escalating into a wildfire. She eyed him and he cocked his head, carefully, the mug tight in his fingers. He was telling her to take it. 

Smack! She smashed it against the wall. The porcelain joined the burned remains of the strange laptop that did absolutely nothing to help them other than getting her into a situation she couldn’t get out of.

Frank Mueller. He planned this. She agreed to meet him in hopes the evidence would get her a few steps ahead, but she was more than a hundred steps behind him and Hydra, and it made her furious. 

Matt played with the glass of water he drank earlier, tossing and turning it like a baseball. “And?” he asked, “Did that solve anything?”

She was breathing hot and heavy. The question irked her, she didn’t know why. “No,” she said, a silent admission. 

“Hmm.” The empty glass joined the other objects on the floor after Matt himself tossed it against the wall.  “You’re right. Doesn’t solve anything. My floor’s dirty now though.”

“I’m sorry.” 

Somehow, his rather unconventional approach to getting her back to earth after such an emotional outburst of pure, unbridled rage, managed to calm her down without having to use words. It wasn’t the smashing that helped, it was the fact that he took her actions and helped her to work through them because yes, he was right, smashing things rarely solves anything, and she realized that now.

Foggy burst through the door shortly after the last glass shards hit the floor. 

“What the fuck is going on here?” he asked, panicked. When he saw the pair staring at the mess, he gave up. “You know what, I don’t even wanna know.” 

“The laptop was a bust,” Matt explained to him. She was too distraught to string together any meaningful sentences. “There’s nothing on it.”

“So it was a ruse?”

“Probably.”

“Oh, damn it! That’s just great. What’s next, the fucking apocalypse?”

“I need a drink,” Eliza stated. It was a sober statement. “I really, really need a drink,” she brushed past them. “Excuse me.” 

The two men shared a look. No matter how angry they were at each other, they never needed words to communicate. 

“Wait,” Foggy decided to call out for her. He tossed Matt his jacket and followed with his. 

She just stood there, confused and quite frankly, scared shitless, but she would never say it out loud. He held the door open for her. She didn’t know what their plan was nor did she want to know. She needed to get drunk and that fast. Company was the last thing on her mind. She didn’t need friends, she needed a bottle of Tequila and some French fries to fight off the hangover.

She would never purposely ask for drinking buddies, not even with her life in danger. Though there was something about having two people so adamant about spending time with her, of trying to be her friends, it made her feel a little less lonely in moments of vulnerability.

“We know a place,” he told her. 

Matt handed her one of the many jackets that hung high on the rack from nights spent at the office, long forgotten by their owners. He could tell them apart, obviously, but Foggy and Karen couldn’t even remember who they belonged to. It was either or, but honestly, they didn’t care much. 

Eliza smacked her lips. She wasn’t sure what that taste was. She had to be imagining it. “I was just going to head to the gas station or something,” she said, and her voice bordered on a broken whisper. 

“Hell no,” Foggy said. He pushed her out of the office into the cold hallway. “That shit’s awful and expensive. As I said, we know a place.”

“It’s still awful,” this time, it was Matt who spoke to her, “but at least it’s cheap.”

“We can drink for free.”

“No, we can’t. He thinks we do, but I always pay our tab.” 

“I’m sure Josie wouldn’t mind if you didn’t.”

“I’m pretty sure she’d kill me if I didn’t pay her, Foggy. We’re in the habit of drinking a lot in one setting.”

Her eyes switched frantically between them. Their conversation sounded so casual, her between them, one arm around her shoulder, the other on the small of her back. They were protecting her as if from the world or herself, she wasn’t sure.

Matt tasted salt in the air and for a moment, he believed it was the faint reminder of the rain that had surprised them only hours ago, but he knew better. He always did. His thumb drew circles on her back, that was how she knew. He didn’t want to make a huge fuss about it, she was thankful for that. If he had said it out loud, it would’ve become real, and she wasn’t ready for that.

For once, she didn’t want to feel pathetic or be treated like she was made out of glass or fragile porcelain. She wanted not to cry, and while she had missed that opportunity the second the first tear escaped the ducts, she could still pretend she wasn’t as broken as it seemed. She wanted to feel strong. She wanted to be in control, just this once, just for a minute – she wanted to be normal and drown her sorrows in alcohol and then move on like nothing happened because while she felt like it, being pathetic was a nuisance and she had to make it stop.

She had never seen the inside of Josie’s before in her life, never even heard of it. The bar reeked of sweat, alcohol, and cigarette smoke. The floor was sticky and somewhere in the corner, someone loudly sunk an eightball. It was the kind of establishment Eliza recognized from her darker days, but it was also the only kind of establishment she could feel at home at. The truth was, she was nothing like Tony’s peers. She hated the rich pretentiousness and the parties that came with it even more. A rusty bar in the middle of Hell’s Kitchen was just the thing she needed to feel alive again. 

The woman behind the counter eyed her. She was a deeply mistrusting person. “Who’s that?” she asked. 

Foggy took the liberty to introduce her. “This is Eliza, she’s our friend,” he said. 

“She’s a bit young to be your friend, no?”

“I’m older than I look,” she always said. 

“So if I were to ask for your ID, it would tell me that you’re at least twenty-one?” 

“Twenty-three, to be exact.”

Matt cut in, “We don’t condone underage drinking, Josie. Trust me, she’s a grown woman. She can handle herself just fine.”

“Listen,” Josie said, and she seemed a little grossed out, “I don’t need to know how much of a grown woman she is. If you say she’s old enough, I believe you, but don’t sue me if it turns out she’s just a kid.”

She slapped the three shots of tequila in front of her. Some of the liquid spilled on the wooden counter. It was a challenge. Eliza saw it as one. She met her suspicious eyes. No salt, no lemon, just plain old tequila. The color looked anything but healthy, but it was alcohol and that was what she had asked for. 

She downed the sharp liquor in only a second. One second, not more. And then she wiped her mouth as if nothing happened, not even once did she flinch, and asked Josie for another one.

“But get me something that’s a bit heavier,” she said. “Tequila is for those who don’t have a chronic drinking problem.”

The woman hummed, pleasantly surprised. “Alright then. I underestimated you.”

“Don’t worry about it. If you keep the drinks coming like that, we can surely find it in ourselves to become friends. I just need to get a bit drunker first. Nothing personal.”

“Shitty day?”

“Shitty life.” 

“I have something for that.” 

Foggy knew the bottle all too well. “It’s the eel!” he said, almost too excited. “We’re drinking the eel!” Okay, he was too excited about the disgusting animal swimming at the bottom of the grey liquor. 

Eliza gagged alone at the smell. “What the fuck is that?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to drink it to figure it out. That’s the fun about the eel.”

She looked at Matt, but he was refusing. Smart choice. “I’m not drinking the eel,” he insisted. 

“Liz, come on,” Foggy said.

“Is that really an eel?” she asked.

“I suppose, but how can we be sure if we don’t try it?”

“You want me to drink it, don’t you?”

“This is the strongest stuff Josie has.” 

That sold her. 

“Fine. But if I throw up, you’re cleaning it up!”

The conditions were more than alright with the enthusiastic lawyer. 

Eliza thought he was exaggerating when he said that the eel was the strongest alcohol Josie had in stock. Turns out, he wasn’t. The stuff hit harder than the Asgardian Ale she accidentally had at one of Tony’s events, and that said a lot. Asgardian Ale wasn’t meant for the human metabolism, that was the reason why it hit so hard, even super soldiers fell off their chairs. 

The eel was just about the worst and at the same time the best fucking thing she has ever had the pleasure of consuming. 

About an hour in, half an empty bottle later, Eliza and Foggy were way past gone. Or Foggy was, anyway. She was still alive, though barely, and could still manage to speak as if she were sober, but she wasn’t. She was looser, more fun, and a lot more philosophical than without the alcohol in her system. She also didn’t have the urge to lash out at anyone, which came as a surprise to everyone involved, but especially Matt who had to watch them like a hawk. Being the only sober one, the responsibility fell on him. He hated it, though at the same time, he had never experienced anything funnier, and Foggy had been drunk many times before. 

They were standing by the jukebox, Eliza and him, and as she was looking through the song choices, Foggy leaned against the wall. Matt stood at the pool table, beer bottle in hand. He listened to them, still close, yet with enough space between them not to appear creepy. While the two blended in, he stuck out like a black cat among white ones. He knew what it looked like to others and he didn’t blame them. He couldn’t.

While Eliza was more of an incredibly smart idiot when drunk, Foggy had zero brain cells on his account, and that was put nicely. “When will Ted himself…” he asked, “finally show up to the talk?” 

She stopped fiddling with the jukebox. “The final boss,” she said. 

Matt felt a headache coming and that headache started with the letter F. “You guys know TED talks stand for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?” he dared to add to the conversation.

Foggy gasped. He felt his glare in his general direction. He was too drunk to notice he failed Matt by a good few inches – somehow there were two of him and only one of him, and it was quite confusing.

“I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!” 

Eliza snorted. At least she wasn’t considering his stupidity to be the truth. “I actually thought that Ted was the one giving these talks when I was a kid,” she told them. 

“Really?” Matt asked.

“I still think that,” Foggy said. 

One sober and a drunk sigh later, “We know, Foggy.” 

“Also, I accidentally ate paper once.” He noted that Eliza was talkative when drunk. “As a kid,” she said.

He leaned against the railing. “I feel like we’ve all done that at least once.” He knew he should’ve cut her off hours ago, but he liked the way she opened up to him. He was a selfish, selfish man. 

“I ate it too,” his friend contributed. 

She pointed. “See?”

“I don’t,” Matt said. 

“I ate it on purpose.” 

Her face contorted. Her soul left her body. “…what?!” 

Matt, equally as shocked at Foggy’s confession, almost gagged. “What?” 

“Yes,” he said, proudly, “and it was delicious.”

Eliza decided to poke his face, then place her hand on his forehead to feel his temperature. “The fuck is wrong with you?” she asked. “Do you need help? Blink twice if you do.”

He started to stare. 

“Maybe we should make an example out of Eliza, just this once,” Matt suggested. “She appears to be the smartest here when she’s drunk.” 

“Only when I’m drunk?” she teased.

“Only then, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

“Rude,” she took the last sip from her glass, “but fair.” 

“So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Eliza does? What if she jumps off a cliff?” asked Foggy. 

She began to play around with the jukebox again, not paying attention to the conversation unfolding. He couldn’t remember what he did to get the role of entertainer for Foggy’s drunk idiocy, but oh well. He wouldn’t change a thing.

“If Eliza was to jump off a cliff,” he said, “she would have done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Eliza jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.”

He blew raspberries. “You jump off a cliff.”

“Gladly, provided Eliza does first.”

Eliza raised her hand. “I’m not jumping off a cliff,” she said. “I am, however, going to let the music play… like the Jonas Brothers.” She hit the button and as soon as she did, the Dollar she sacrificed to the jukebox hero turned into money well spent.

“You know,” Foggy told her throughout the evening, “I like AC/DC, but your choice of music sucks!” 

She was offended. The next song was going to be paid out of his pocket, she decided. Though there was a reason Matt told her not to leave him alone with anything even remotely relating to a public jukebox. He may have had perfect music taste sober, but when it came to his drunken preferences, it was a disaster. 

“Dude! The Vengaboys, seriously?” Eliza asked him. He couldn’t have meant that seriously.

But god, he did. And she hated him all the more for it. 

“What are you, twelve?”

Another moment that almost sent Matt into a fit was when they were sitting down at one of the tables in the back and the conversation started to turn even more brainless.

“They can't make me admit France exists, right? Legally, that's not allowed.” Foggy was close to emptying the bottle by himself. “Sure, if France was REAL I'd say I liked it,” he said. “But who's to say?”

“I think France isn't real,” Eliza agreed, and that was when he decided to cut her off. 

“Eliza, you've been to France,” Matt said.

“And???”

“And I think you’re drunk.”

“I’m not. See?” She got up to demonstrate something.

He let his head fall back. 

“Hey, you’re not looking!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Let me just unblind myself real quick.” 

“I‘ll be waiting.” She was dead serious. Or, as serious as a drunk person could be. 

He tried hard not to laugh. It would’ve only spurred her on more. “If you want to show me how straight you can walk, I have to disappoint you. I can already tell you’ve swayed at least two inches to the left just by standing there,” he said. “You’re not fooling anyone but yourself.”

“I’m not drunk,” she insisted, still, “and I can show it to you. Just take my eyes. Here.” 

He caught her wrists and pulled her back down before she even got the chance to use the glass as a weapon. “We are not cutting our eyes out!” And he was talking to a grown woman. 

“But you’re blind.”

“And you think cutting your eyes out is gonna change that?”

“Yes.”

“What about you?”

“I’d still be able to see if I gave you my eyes.”

“What-“

“You know why?” Dramatic pause. “'cause we’d be sharing them. And you know how I know that?” Dramatic pause. “Because I’ve watched all ten-something seasons of Grey’s Anatomy and am now a major in human medicine.” 

“Okay, how would that work, exactly? If you give me your eyes, I mean. How would you be able to see?”

“It’s because of the optic nerves.”

“Aha.”

“If I just give you my eyeball, the nerve remains in my skull, so technically, I’d still be able to see.” 

“But eyes don’t work without the optic nerve because it’s attached to the organ.” 

“That’s fake news! Eyeballs are just filters. If I attach my eyeballs to your optic nerves, they’d work. I’m sure of it. That’s the thing, it’s all in the nerves.”

“You do realize that the reason I’m blind is that the chemicals I got into my eyes damaged my optic nerves, right?”

“Well…” she scrunched her nose. “That’s a problem. What if we just printed one with a 3D printer?”

“Okay, sure. You do that.” He patted her head. “Let me order you a glass of water and then we’ll go home. You need to be sober for tomorrow.” 

Eliza huffed. She fell back in her seat, arms crossed in front of her body. She looked so cute like that. Frustrated.

“You don’t need to fix me,” he said then.

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” she answered. “I was just trying to help.”

“You’re drunk. That’s not helping anyone. Especially since what you just said was complete bullshit,” Matt bit back his grin. He patted her cheek. “But it’s okay, you watched Grey’s Anatomy.”

“That’s a viable source!”

Foggy stumbled into the booth. “What’s a viable source?” he slurred.

“You’re back!” he heaved a sigh of relief. “Great, so I can take you both home now.”

“Home? We’re just getting started!”

“No, Foggy,” Matt took the bottle from his clammy hands, “You two are done.” 

“But I drank the eel…”

“Oh, you did? That’s great.”

Eliza giggled. “You’re cute when you’re annoyed.” She poked his cheek. “Like a little puppy,” she said. 

He pretended to bite her finger. 

“Ew, he bites!”

He shoved her. It came from a place of love. She hit the wall only slightly, but the groan she let out was still pained. 

“We’re going home,” Matt declared.

The two protested. Still, he paid Josie for her troubles and continued to drag them out of the hot bar into the refreshingly cold night. Eliza was quick to sober up. Foggy, not so much. They had different metabolisms. Her body worked through the alcohol much faster than his. 

The blond hit the leather sofa as soon as they entered Matt’s apartment. Eliza attempted to take her shoes off, but he helped her out of it. She was tired, exhausted even. 

“You wanna shower?” he asked.

She leaned against the wall. At this point, Foggy was already snoring away. He was in his dreamland, not to be disturbed. Matt placed a blanket over him. 

“Together?” Eliza quipped.

“No! I mean you. Do you want to take a shower?” 

She shrugged. “I’d probably fall and break my neck.”

“You want me to help you?”

“Don’t want you to see me naked.”

“Eliza…”

“I- I mean hear me. Or smell me. Or feel me. I don’t know how it works. Surely, you can make out the shape of my body just by using your stupid senses. I don’t know. You’re confusing me. You’re a confusing man, Matty.”

“Matty?” he raised his eyebrows. “Where did that come from?” 

He found the nickname endearing. His father used to call him that. He hadn’t told her that, she must’ve come up with it on her own. 

“You know,” she said, and she fell forward to stab her finger into his steel chest, “You say my powers are hard to get used to, but I’ve never once complained about your super senses.”

Matt gently took her shoulders in his hands. “Because this isn’t a new world to you,” he said.

“I know. I just… I wish I could explain it to you the way you explained yourself to me.”

“You did. The night you found out about Daredevil, remember?”

“But it wasn’t enough, was it? Or else you wouldn’t have freaked out earlier.”

“Liz, sweetheart, I don’t think you’re in a state where we should be talking about this.” He was so gentle. He brushed the hair out of her face, stroked her cheek, and then he held her because she was stumbling and slurring, and maybe she hadn’t sobered up that much, but she could see herself moving along as he got her in the bathroom, told her to undress and stood by with his back turned so she could shower in peace.

She tried to untangle her hair afterward. The tiredness seeped into her bones like hot lava. He recognized her struggle. Though barely dressed, she handed him the brush, asking him to do it for her. He did. She wasn’t sure how, but he knew exactly what to do. He ran his fingers through her hair to find the knots and then he ran the comb through them. It didn’t even hurt. She was used to it hurting. Then again, she was always rather brutal with her hair, not caring if some strands ripped out. 

She must’ve fallen asleep on her feet because suddenly, there was a hand on the back of her neck nudging her back to consciousness. She looked at herself in the foggy mirror with Matt behind her. He smiled at something in the distance, hoping it was her. It wasn’t. 

“All good?” he asked. 

She rubbed her eyes. “All good.”

“Can you brush your teeth?” He had already put the toothpaste on the toothbrush, she just had to take it. Her hand was incredibly heavy though. He took that as an answer, urging her mouth open. She complied. 

It wasn’t her toothpaste. Hers was spicy, tasting of mint - Matt’s toothpaste barely had any taste and it didn’t burn her sensitive gums. Also, the toothbrush was way softer, or maybe it was just his hands making it as enjoyable as possible for her. Either way, the comfort made it hard to keep her eyes open. 

He felt her staring at him. “What?” he chuckled slightly. The lopsided grin was going to be the death of her eventually. Knowing how his lips felt now sent a weird rush through her body. It wasn’t the alcohol that made her lower stomach twist with excitement, it was the thought of him and his lips and just him, nothing more, doing his best to take care of her drunken person. 

“I’m just wondering,” she wasn’t in control of her words, “What you would think if you could see me.”

“Why?” he asked. 

“Dunno, you’re just pretty and I’m… I’m nothing special.”

He shook his head. The toothbrush stopped circling around her mouth. “Don’t say that.” He stroked her cheek with his free hand. “You’re beautiful.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Why does everyone think I can’t know if someone’s beautiful? Beauty isn’t just visual. It couldn’t matter less what you look like. What truly matters is what’s in your heart, and I know the kind of person you are so yes, you are beautiful, Eliza. Everything about you, but mostly your heart. And I would say that, even if I could see. Sight is not an excuse to objectify someone. I believe personality is key.”

Her lip trembled. He removed the toothbrush, placing it down in the sink. The tears trickled down her cheeks slowly. 

“Besides,” he said and took her face in both of his hands, “I can feel your features.” The middle finger ran down her nose, feeling the skin and the bones underneath. Her cheeks were slightly drier than the rest, a bit more heated, and he could only imagine how red they must have looked in the dim bathroom light. He could feel the bags under her eyes, her eyebrows, her eyelashes, and the wrinkles of worry on her forehead. He went down to stroke her jaw, trying to memorize every inch. When he reached her lips, she was breathing heavily, but the tears had finally stopped. 

Matt hummed. “Beautiful,” his lashes fluttered as he said it. 

She kissed his thumb first, still lingering on her lips, then her tongue darted out to lick it, sticking it into her mouth. Like the first time, he inhaled sharply. He realized, she wasn’t trying to make a move on him, not at that moment and not the first time they kissed. She was seeking comfort. It was like biting her nails, bouncing her leg, or playing with her hair. The nervous tick of playing with the brims of cups, gnawing on her bottom lip, or even licking over it was all indicators. 

He chuckled, taking her into his arms, with his thumb still resting in her mouth. She fit perfectly against his chest, head caged in by his bicep. “You know, you could have just told me,” he said. 

Eliza let out a confused, “Hmm?”

“That you like to have your mouth stuffed.”

She released his digit with an obscene squelching sound. Now freed, he used the same hand to hold her head further against his chest. The world tuned out. She could only hear his heartbeat. 

She didn’t act on his statement. “Can you take me to bed?” she asked instead. 

He nodded, pressing his lips to the crown of her head. “Yeah, I can do that.”

Matt led her to the same side she had slept on the night before. The silk sheets dented underneath her weight. She hugged one of the pillows close to her body. She was so cold all of a sudden, so, so cold and her head was spinning in nauseating circles. She swore to herself then that she would never drink the eel again. She wouldn’t even come near it, no matter how badly Foggy wanted her to. 

The world became a little clearer, but her body started to turn against her. She was more in control of her mind, but not of the feeling in her stomach or the ache in her head. The shivers were pathetic. Matt had to tuck her in, it was embarrassing. So embarrassing. But somehow she couldn’t find it in herself to care because he cared, and that was all she wanted. She needed to be taken care of. She couldn’t protest, couldn’t say no, couldn’t say yes, she could only lie there and let him do his thing, and it was perfect. 

“I’m gonna get you a glass of water,” he whispered into the darkness of the room. She nodded quietly. The first few sips felt like heaven on her tongue. Her throat was less dry with the cold water running down her esophagus. The headache got a little better. She wasn’t all that nauseous anymore. 

He smiled softly before guiding her back into the pillows. “You know, I shouldn’t even have let you drink. You were worked up.”

“I don’t like being like this,” she admitted. Her voice bordered on tearfulness. That is the worst part about alcohol – once the momentary happiness fades, there are moments of pure emotional vulnerability. May it be anger or sadness, there’s always a phase where everything exciting you experienced under the influence turns to shit, and that’s mostly how the night ends. 

Either that or you jump into bed with the wrong people, but that’s a story for another day. 

“But I can’t help. If I don’t find things to distract me from the mess in my head, I start to loathe myself more than I already do, and that’s worse than drunk dancing on the table to AC/DC.” The first tear soaked into the blue silk. “It’s not that I don’t want to stop, I just can’t. I get too stuck in my head. I can’t help it. My brain is wired to work that way. That’s why what you said hurt me; no one’s ever treated me like I was normal before, but you did, and I thought that was it. I didn’t give you the time to understand fully, you were just tossed into it, and I expected you to understand. It’s not your obligation and I’m sorry for that.”

He stroked her cheek. “I know.”

“I need you to understand that I really like you, but look at us! I think we’ve been so desperate for a connection, we forced this on ourselves. And for months, I’ve been alone. I just needed a friend, and I think somehow, you needed one too.” 

“All I needed was for someone to understand that this is who I am,” he said. He was kneeling next to the bed, his elbow next to hers, and he had his head propped up on it. “There’s not many people who’ve been through it. Even harder to find them. You- you get it.”

“Of course, I do.”

“Even though you’re drunk right now, I know you mean every little thing you say. It makes me feel seen, y’know.”

“I see you, Matt,” she took his hand. He was shaking. In the dark, she couldn’t make out his eyes. Other than the evident exhaustion, his voice didn’t sound much different. She blinked, the red replacing her irises. He was so blue. She felt his sadness in the palm of her hands, the repressed pain, anger, and despair that kept reading him apart, paired with the guilt he accounted for himself. She wasn’t the only one stuck in her head, not the only one who loathed herself. “I see you so clearly,” her voice cracked. She wasn’t as good of an actor as him. “You’re a very expressive person and yet, there’s so much you don’t show. I can see that.” 

He chuckled with a strangled sob. His hand wandered to his mouth, trying to keep the sounds at bay; she only squeezed his hand tighter. “I was about to tell you that I see you too, but then I remembered,” he said. 

She laughed. “It’s metaphorical, Matt.”

“I know. I’m just- I don’t really know what I’m trying to achieve here. You feel hot? I feel hot.”

“Come here.”

Eliza guided his head into her neck. She parked him there. The position was unfortunate, but they made it work. He hugged her back as much as he could. The silent whimper sounded right next to her. She stroked his hair. He was just lost, waiting to be found. There was no legitimate reason why he should be in so much pain, so she took it. She placed her hand on his back, breathed in deeply, breathed him in and out and in and out, and then she reached into his soul and took at least some of the pain that wasn’t deep-rooted into his conscience. 

She watched the ball of fire light up her hand. It was an energy source that didn’t go unnoticed. Matt stirred, but she held him down. She played with the crimson, nothing but a concoction of pain and guilt, oh-so-powerful. Easily weaponized, just like her. He was fragile, just like her. The chaos danced the tango across her vision. 

The ball rolled from her hands. A bouquet of lilies, long gone dry, stood somewhere in the living room. The door was open, so the smoke could easily travel through. It was invisible to the naked eye. Pain was supposed to be horrendous and a sign of destruction, but used correctly, it could do the exact opposite – pain could bring even the dead back to life. 

When she opened her eyes again, the lilies stood up straight, and their bright white color shone purple in the eye of the Billboard. 

This is not supposed to be possible. 

Eliza stared at her fingers. 

This isn’t you.

But who was it if not the girl she grew up to be? The truth was in her blood, after all. She just didn’t know what it was. 

As the clock kept on ticking and Matt had long fallen asleep against her, she realized that the fears she harbored about the truth of her origin before, were outdated. If anything, she wanted to know everything. 

Because if there was no explanation for what was wrong with her, there was little for her to do to prevent the highway of insanity from opening its doors.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Hey I read this somewhere idk a fic or something maybe idk if its canon, that like brucie Wayne is Bruce's public, tabloid persona, dicks is Richie grayson and only people who knew him, family or friends call him dick

hmmmm. see, here’s where it gets a bit tricky babe.

so, it’s very clear that bruce has 3 different personalities: “brucie wayne,” the over-the-top borderline alcoholic playboy who throws money around like it’s nothing and over the years, has become (not canonically, but accepted by the fandom as) a kind of dull but doting father. then there’s batman, the gruff professional legend that actually acts as more of a legend than a human and drives everything for the sake of the mission. and then there’s just bruce, who is a little more relaxed and caring version of batman that’s only let out around his family and a few close friends.

but dick,,,,doesn’t really have that?

now as far as i’ve seen and read, dick grayson is,,,,dick grayson. the public calls him “dick,” (or probably, as i headcanon, “dickie grayson”). he’s seen as a cute little kid that bruce took in during the early years. i’m stopping myself from screaming and saying a bunch of words because jesus christ is high society racist. then later on when he grew up, people started treating dick as a mini-bruce: a fun, flirty playboy. 

the thing is, there isn’t,,,,that stark of a difference between dickie and dick. with bruce, you get whiplash, but for dick, it’s almost as if a couple pieces fall into place? they’re both cheerful, exuberant, funny people who are freely affectionate and loving. 

(and part of that playboy persona is actually dick’s.

there’s an absolutely disgusting trend in comics that i’m sure almost all of you have noticed of dick being objectified, catcalled, and sexually assaulted by a lot of people in the dc universe, mostly women. and dick’s shown to be very uncomfortable with all this unwanted attention from people he doesn’t know or doesn’t know well. we all as readers are also uncomfortable with this.

but it’s also shown that when he’s with his friends, he does act playful, fun, and flirty. this is because there’s already a foundation of mutual trust and respect, along with a relationship built on years of friendship. once dick knows, is familiar with, and comfortable with someone, his naturally fun and flirty side comes out, and it’s usually mutual bantering on both sides. and dick’s okay with it. he enjoys it because it’s a way of him relaxing and playing with his friends, and it isn’t at all affected by his appearance or anything because he’s known these people for years, because knows that the mutual appreciation of each other comes from friendship.)

so there’s that: the fact that dickie grayson and dick grayson’s personalities aren’t all that different.

but then there’s the fact that dick grayson is a performer. and he has a lot of masks. it’s almost like there are minute personality changes every time dick’s company and position in the team or duo changes. this is partially due to evolving times, character changes, and of course different writers. but this is something i’ve seen happen with the same author, and if i’m wayyyy off-base, then this can just be a hc of mine that explains the way dick’s core personality changes from writer to writer (ignoring the few writers that just completely obliterated him.)

when dick’s with the titans, he steps up as a leader. he’s commands respect and gives respect in return, issues out orders, sometimes has some control issues but he works through those and learns to listen to his team. when dick’s with the original fab five, or kori, or babs, he lightens up a bit. he’s more easygoing, relaxed, and goofy. he’s still committed to his job and has a strong work ethic, but you can tell he allows himself to chill a little bit in the presence of people that he knows has his back. 

when dick’s with the batfam, he acts as sort of an authority figure. this came after jason, once dick started assuming responsibility for tim, but it continued on with each addition. bruce has obviously been the figurehead and sort-of patriarch of the batfam since the beginning, and alfred and babs are people the bats love and respect and give credit where credit is due. and trust me, it’s a lot of credit. but dick’s become their emotional anchor, someone they know they can rely on, someone they fall back on when they need it. he’s their safety net. (although i have to say. recently jason has been turning into the batfam team mom. idk what that’s about but i am thoroughly amused and kinda enjoying it.)

when dick’s with bruce, he becomes,,,,,,,i don’t want to say more childlike because dick’s gone to great lengths to make sure bruce respects him and treats him as an adult. and bruce does, for the most part. but there’s years and years of history between the two of them, and you can’t just wipe away the years of bruce raising dick as his own kid. too much has happened for them to go back to the easy dynamic they used to have, but too much happened in the past for them to ever pretend like they don’t mean as much as they do to each other. so,,,yea dick takes on a little more of a childlike role and bruce acts a tad more paternal than he normally does in the suit.

and when dick’s allied up with people to defeat either a greater or common enemy, his demeanor changes once again. allied, or fighting against people he has history with. this includes shrike, deathstroke, and tiger. when he’s with them, the nightwing mask drips into his entire personality. he’s chatty and witty, but each word is carefully calculated and has a purpose. he makes barbed jokes, fights with 110% of what he’s got, and pushes himself to his limits without ever letting anyone else know.

this is probably how the public never figures out he’s nightwing. (,,,,,,,most of the time.) dickie grayson is probably just different enough from nightwing that no one puts it together. going back to my point of dick being a performer, he probably holds himself differently, moves his body differently, styles his hair differently, has a different resting face, etc. these subtle changes are what people absorb easily, and are what throw people off. dick also probably uses this in the other masks i mentioned above, depending on how approachable, easy, or cunning he needs to appear. 

there are constantly thousands of masks that dick’s putting on and taking off. so to sum up my own, person opinion and very long, very wordy, very rambly answer to your quick question: no, dick doesn’t have different drastic personalities like brucie wayne and batman. but dick does have a bunch of masks, and he slightly shifts his personality depending on his company. 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hiiii!!! 💫💕🌸🥳

Can I bother with a question... I was (re)watching that zhang qiling edit (not today) - 'cause it's so cool, btw- and I wondered if Reboot Xiaoge’s your favourite one...? And if you're up to answering, what do you think about the other adaptations? Especially (our small bean) xiao yuliang's interpretation of xiaoge?

🤗🌺💐🐰💕

Hey, my precious patootie hehe ILY it always makes me very happy knowing that you rewatch my vids <3

lol dang it, I was kinda hoping to avoid this question, just because I feel like I'd find it hella hard to explain some things, but I'll try my best and hopefully it'll make some sense xD

I'll start from afar bc I wanna try to explain my reasonings, since I don't want to go without arguments into such highly debated question lolz. I talked about this a bit in my previous asks somewhere, but not broadly as to why that one guy hit all the right spots.

So throughout the books Wu Xie always does this wonderful thing, where he very tangibly describes the feeling he gets when Xiaoge is near, I mean like the aura around him. And he always somehow does it so colorful, that this mix of safety, assurance, calmness, composure and some things I can't quite put into one noun, that he brings to him, I think everyone who've read the books can recognize as this almost magical "Xiaoge feeling". It's not just the way he acts in some dangerous situations or smth like that. It's just everything. You either have it or you don't. And here goes my first argument... to me none of them, except for Huang Junjie and Yuliang have it.

I mean it's not even the obvious stuff, it's like the way they move during the action scenes, the way they even stand and hold themselves, the way they touch Wu Xie, the tone of their voices (both of which are like soothing as fuck), little things you'd think wouldn't matter, but when you watch it and all the puzzle pieces are together, you're like... fuck yeah, thats him.

Also not really that weighty of a point, but to me there's always a joy to see that the actor who plays the character not only gets what's he's playing, but also loves it, bc it's always seen on screen. Usually when some asked about the character they play and what they have in common for example they answer with obvious things like if some character is introverted they're like "well I also don't talk very much" or smth like that, you know what I mean. When I was watching interviews of Yuliang and Huang Junjie I was just smiling so much, bc they've said such things that made me go "yeah, Qiling is safe in their hands".

In Reboot case working in such close proximity with the author definitely also played a huge role here. Bc it kinda gets complicated in some aspects since the books are written from Wu Xie's point of view and you can't only base your picture on his perspective, just bc it's coming from a person who after being basically told "you're my whole world" goes "I'm just a person he randomly passes by in his long life" in his thoughts. Not only he's utterly clueless and dumb when it comes to all this, that he wouldn't notice the way Qiling looks at him and other things, its also not that kind of book, that would go "I suddenly caught poker face looking at me like I'm his whole existence" (and I honestly don't want it to be that book lmao). So you have to take into the account here stuff like what author says to get the whole picture, bc if you look at that from the point of Qiling's view for example, this shit takes a whole wild turn. So I really loved that in UN and Reboot ways of showing Qiling's feelings were well thought out and fit the timeline.

Bc it also works both ways, when it comes to other adaptations. Like Qiling is very and I mean ETREMELY hard to win over. We all know that it was a very long process of gaining his trust and even longer for him to fall for Wu Xie to the point of him being his everything. So what I want in those interpretations is for them to get at which point of their relationships what Xiaoge's behavior makes sense. I do not need any fanservice if it ruins the character, I'll just hate it. The thing that their feelings didn't come out of nowhere is what I LOVE about this ship, bc I'm not the kind of person who believes in "we love for nothing" thing and love at first sight thing (only "got hots for each other" at first sight), bc thats bull. Wu Xie became his everything after a long LONG process of getting to know each other. At the beginning tho he was the same stranger to him as everyone else. So what Reboot Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie yet and what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what Lost Tomb's Qiling feels for Wu Xie (which at that point was nothing). And I feel like not everyone gets the fact that you can totally wreck the character if you make him behave not the way he behaved in that particular time. Like for example, if someone would make a MDZS adaptation where at the very beginning of their relationships LZ treats WWX the way he treated him after the reincarnation just because "who cares, it's still LZ", that would be dumb af, see what I mean. So Xiaoge having a weakness for Wu Xie in part one is automatically not a Xiaoge to me, bc a huge part of his character and the thing NPSS speaks a lot about is just how IMPOSSIBLE it is for someone to catch his attention and how long it took Wu Xie to get there. So let's just say to me UN and Reboot Qilings for the first time didn't feel like some mashup or character summary/parody, they were Qilings the way they are supposed to be in that part of the story, bc it was the only times someone actually bothered to coordinate it.

Now as to why I prefer one to another. Xiaoge has this thing... the way he holds himself with other people, that is sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally suppressing.

Like everyone knows that if you're a passerby, Qiling genuinely doesn't fucking care and would in fact be pretty harsh about it in terms of treating people like they do not deserve their attention. He won't be like "please, don't bother me", he simply ignored them like an empty space. He is also like that with acquaintances who in his opinion do not deserve his respect like that girl who went hysterical, bc she was upset that he was the only one who wasn't drooling on her like all other men on the crew, Chen Wenjin, Wu Xie's uncles and etc. He's not openly disrespectful unless they trigger him in some way (usually by trying to act superior or later on for not treating Wu Xie right), but if they do, he will in fact remind them their place in sometimes a very rude way, at times humiliating them in front of ppl bc he looks younger than them and talking starts.

He's always doing things on his own terms and hates being told what to do. Like he legit scared Chen Wenjin just with a look and the tone of his voice when he said "let go", when she tried to command him on the mission and grabbed him trying to lecture him about what he should or shouldn't do. That's why Wu Erbai didn't even try anything like this and let him do whatever he needed to do and equally lead the mission in Reboot. And why the scene where Wu Xie 'commands' "Xiaoge, come back" and he immediately listens holds another special place in my heart. Bc he NEVER and I mean NEVER allows such things to ANYONE.

So here I came to a point of why despite loving them both dearly, my favorite Xiaoge is Huang Junjie.

I have this dissonance with Yuliang's version when to me in many scenes it felt like he and Wu Xie are the same age. Like if he was Xiaoge, but in his 20s. In his interactions with Chen Wenjin the dynamics was turned upside down, with him being okay with her telling him what to do and just in general the way she behaved with him. Same as like I didn't always quite believe him to be on par with older generation or even Pangzi, it just felt like he was truly younger than them. Some scenes that I do find extremely cute just don't fit book Xiaoge at all, I'm talking about some moments like his face when Wu Xie gave him food, or him pouting and many things he's done, when you were going "uwu he's a baby". He just never gives me this feeling in the books ever, not just bc he's 100 years old, but sad fact here.. bc he's simply unable to behave that way. Like in the books you'll desperately want to shower him with love, but he's just... I can't quite explain, it's very sad.

I guess it's just you know these characters, who are like hundreds years old, but look like they're 18? I think you have to be very careful with how you write those, so you could deliver that. And in UN because of some changed dynamics and scenes I straight up forgot about it, until Wu Xie threw some joke like "he's an old man" in front of a restaurant.

In Reboot Xiaoge could make Wu Erbai stutter with one move, put Yuliang's version in the same scene, I just don't think it would've worked. Like I'm trying to imagine him telling UN's Wu Erbai what to do and having troubles already haha. Same as I don't think he's capable to be genuinely mad at Wu Xie, and HJJ nailed it esp in one of my fav when Wu Xie was laughing at Pangzi's joke about him catching cold. The look he gave him and how ZYL just retreated was priceless xD. And boy could Qiling get angry with him in the books!

Otherwise I didn't have any drastic fall outs there, like with Joseph's Wu Xie and Ah Ning's death, because that was just too much of a difference, but there were still moments where it was once again this the same scene completely different emotion thing. He was more tolerable to ppl in general here, more pliable. And 50% of the time he gave me the cute lost kitten type, which I just cannot connect with the feeling he gave me in the books. His personality is a cat type 100%, but like seriously "cute baby" is the last word combination I would ever apply to book Xiaoge, but with Yuliang's version it's easily applied. So small bean he is indeed. With Joseph and in UN it works incredibly perfect to me, but the way he is in UN is at times too gentle. And there are lots of scenes where Joseph himself looked at him in a way "you're too cute, let me pinch your cheeks" kind of way, or the way he like sat down next to him on the coast, he was a bit babying him at times. I can't imagine book pingxie doing that. It's just a whole different vibe, the way he takes care of him, the way he lets him take care of him... it's...uuuuuuuuu another vibe (see, I'm so good at explaining lmao).

It's also kinda funny to me, bc HJJ who's the smallest and who irl truly a kitten never once gave me that feeling on screen for some reason. The one babied and loved by every crew and old ppl, who was cutely hiding behind ZYL's back on set, who won't sue an ex who almost ruined his career bc of how stupid she is, bc he "didn't want to hurt her", who according to staff can't even step on a fly, whom CMH was petting for several minutes after he had to hit him with a prop brick bc he didn't wanna do it lmao. I was just like.. ok, this is hilarious, bc I in fact didn't expect him to be a small bean, so watching all the bts made me go LOOOOL. Probably ZYL acting like a 3 year old helped him transform and the age difference problem got lost lmao

As for other adaptations. You know I can't watch seriously "Lost Tomb", I think some ppl probably have some nostalgic feeling about it, but I'm sorry, to me it's fucking hilarious. Like I've already said it looks like some type of twilight parody thing or smth. Soft damselle Wu Xie esp killed me, bc 1st when he ever was that, 2nd in the first book he's salty af, I don't even know this dude in this interpretation, I was like who's this. YangYang I know him from other things, I really don't think it's his role. I know the script and everything is bad. I know the costume and hair are horrendously funny, but it's just I was watching him in those action scenes and was like no... just I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it. I simply just don't know what to say about the whole thing seriously, bc I don't even know where to start. 10 episodes of some salad finished with one mutilated scene from book 6 for no reason the fact that characters are weird themselves also I can't quite tell, did they really just meet or they imply smth else lmao.. I'm sorry, but I do not get it.

I've given LT2 another try after finishing all the books and I've dropped it half way through, Cheng Yi wasn't even close to how I pictured Xiaoge in any aspect. He in fact didn't do anything OOC or off the book or anything, I just was like "not my Qiling". Happens sometimes.

Explore with the note you already know how I feel about this lol let's just forget.

P.S. To be fair here also maybe we should take into account the fact that some got luckier than other with "at which point" Xiaoge they're playing. Like for example, "Wrath of the Sea" and "Qingling Tree" books which is LT2 is not exactly you can say much about Qiling there, he trolls them there in the beginning (in a brilliant way that was totally lost in the adaptation) and he is there in "Wrath of Sea", but it's not the part that can make his character shine in any way, there's not much things happening there that would make you fall for him or get to know him; Yuliang grabbed the fattest piece bc it's middle several books, when they're always together and his character shines the most in terms of clues about past, opening up to Wu Xie and Pangzi, and there are many many events where you can get the picture of what kind of man he is; Huang Junjie grabbed my fav piece of utter devotion, where he's already fully and wholeheartedly belongs to Wu Xie, that I'm just weak for. So like... there's also that I guess xD.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

like it’s a little secret, like it’s all he has to give

for @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels <3

read on ao3

He didn’t mean for this to happen.

Well, no. He wanted it to happen, had been planning to make it happen with a lot more wooing and sweeping off of feet to get them to a perfect moment where he could tell Buck exactly how much he loves him and needs him in his life.

So he did want it to happen, of course. He just didn’t expect it to happen like it did — after a night out with the team, in the dim light of his living room, during a tipsy game of Truth or Dare like they were in high school again. Buck had said, “Dare”, and the three beers and two shots swimming in Eddie’s brain said, “I dare you to kiss me.”

And he did.

And one kiss turned into two, turned into making out on Eddie’s couch, turned into stumbling blindly toward the bedroom, turned into fingertips burning trails up backs, whispered confessions into necks, and muffled moans of yes and more and please and Eddie.

So it happened. It’s still happening.

That isn’t the problem. 

The problem is that it happened six months ago and they still haven’t told anyone.

It’s not that they don’t trust their friends or that they aren’t serious about each other. In fact, they’re probably too serious about each other, about making this the thing that sticks. The morning after their first night together, they talked for hours about their past failed relationships and insecurities, laying every, ugly part out for each other to see.

“I just want to be enough,” Eddie said, throat as raw as his insides felt. 

Buck’s hand slid up his back to scratch through his hair. “You’re more than enough for me. And I’d like to stick around and prove that to you, as long as you’ll let me.”

“Forever, ideally.”

“Forever it is.”

“I’m gonna fuck this up.”

Buck shrugged. “So will I. Maybe we give ourselves some time — fuck things up quietly before we let other people know?”

Eddie kissed Buck again, softly, soundly, relief surging through him because Buck gets it and wants to make this work and, this way, he feels like they may actually have a chance.

So that was that. Nothing really changed — Buck was still at the Diaz house more often than not, but now sleepovers meant Buck was in bed with Eddie instead of on the couch (except for the half hour before Chris woke up when Buck snuck out to the living room). They were still a dynamic duo on calls, they just also had each other after calls now too, especially bad ones. They were able to get to know each other as boyfriends instead of just best friends, figure out what they wanted and needed from a relationship, and smooth out the bumps they hit on their own, without any outside influence.

Now, they’re in a good spot. The best spot. And six months is a long time to keep quiet about something that makes Eddie so happy he could explode. But—

“They’re gonna be mad,” he says, head pillowed in Buck’s lap, absently picking at the label of his empty beer bottle. Buck hums, fingers combing through Eddie’s hair, the TV softly playing some reality show about a yacht crew.

“You don’t think they’ll be happy for us too?”

“They probably have a betting pool going on us. Then they’ll be mad and gloating.”

Buck’s hand stills on his head. “Eddie, if you don’t want to—”

Eddie scrambles up to sitting, taking both of Buck’s hands in his because he’s stopping that train of thought right now. “I do want to. I really do. I’m just—”

“Nervous?”

Eddie nods, absently placing a kiss inside Buck’s wrist as he gathers his thoughts. “I trust you. More than anything. And I trust us. I just don’t trust anything else, not yet. We’ve been in our own little world for a while, I just need to get used to that not being the case anymore.” 

Buck’s quiet for a minute before he leans forward, kissing Eddie’s forehead. “I don’t really trust anything else either. I’m happy to wait and follow your lead. As long as you know you’re stuck with me.”

Eddie kisses him quickly before laying back down, Buck’s hand automatically threading into his hair again. “You’re stuck with me, too. Even when cute, injured bikers try to steal me away—”

He feels a sharp tug on his hair. “I knew you did that on purpose!”

Buck’s jealous streak is a mile wide, Eddie’s known that since the day they met. So what if he’s exploited it a little while they’ve been sneaking around? How could he have known for sure that a little extra flirting on a call would get him blown within an inch of his life in a storage closet as soon as they got back to the station? He’d surely expected it, but…

Whatever. Sue him. His boyfriend’s hot when he’s territorial, and he’s only a man.

~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie should have known the universe would start fucking with them almost immediately.

The team has never been shy about trying to set both of them up — there’s always a friend of a friend or a second cousin or a neighbor that would be perfect for, as Hen so lovingly puts it, “our hot and lonely coworkers”. It’s only gotten worse in the past month or so, when a team trivia night turned into a team-and-significant-others trivia night, “forcing” Buck and Eddie to pair up to even things out. Ever since, he’s been cornered almost every day by Hen and/or Chim, each with a handful of people that would love to take Eddie out to dinner, and he knows they do the same to Buck. He’s pretty sure they have a shared spreadsheet about it.

“Come on Eddie, Nick is great! He’s tall, he owns a gym, his dog is cute—”

“Chim,” Eddie cuts him off, pulling his head out of the fridge to face Chimney and Hen seated at the island. He could end it now, just tell them I don’t want to go out with your new personal trainer because I already have a boyfriend, but it’s the middle of shift and everyone is still lingering from lunch and...it’s too much right now. Over Chim’s shoulder, he can see Buck looking at him from the couch, probably thinking the same thing (because they do that a little too often). Buck just raises his eyebrows and shrugs, saying I’m following your lead. Eddie falls a little bit more in love with him.

He focuses back on Hen and Chim. “I appreciate you guys worrying about me in your own weird way, but I’m fine. Plus, I have a thing and Chris’ school Thursday night anyway.” 

He does not have a thing at Chris’ school, and he feels bad using his kid like this, but drastic times call for drastic measures.

Hen holds up her hands as Chim deflates just a little. “Fine fine,” she says. “We know you’re busy.” She looks at Chim, and they have a quick conversation with their eyebrows before he gets up and slowly walks toward Buck.

“So, Buck, my dear pseudo brother-in-law. How’s your Thursday—”

Buck doesn’t even look up from his book. “No. Maddie and I are having a wine night, and we’re gonna talk shit about you the entire time.”

Chim squawks at that, and Eddie does a bad job of turning his laugh into a cough. It does get them to back off for the rest of the week, though Eddie resigns himself to this vicious cycle of theirs until he can finally shake the feeling that everything he and Buck have been building will dissolve through his fingertips as soon as they let anyone else in. 

It’s vicious but predictable. Easy to follow, easy to get ahead of. It gives Eddie a little room to breathe while he sorts his head out.

Naturally, that’s when Abuela decides to get involved.

Eddie’s never been able to refuse her anything — that’s how he ended up at her house on his day off in the first place, fixing a broken dryer and tightening cabinets and anything else she happens to remember she needs while he’s here. He really doesn’t mind, and he’s happy to spend any time with her that he can, but she’s been...prying. All day. As casually as she can, but he can tell she’s fishing for something. 

“Edmundo,” she says as they sit down for lunch. “You’re telling me you can’t even remember the last time you went on a date?”

Of course he can — he and Buck haven’t been able to go on many “normal” dates since they got together, but they did manage to coordinate a weekend in Ojai a few weeks back where all they did was eat, lounge by the pool, and have sex in their much-too-fancy-for-them hotel room. 

That counts as a couple of dates, right?

He shrugs instead. “I’ve been busy. Between work and Chris, I’ve just got a lot on my plate. I don’t really have time for dating.” And I don’t think my boyfriend would be too happy about it, he thinks.

“Of course,” she says. She keeps eating like that’s the end of that, but he knows there’s something else. When she finishes, she pushes her plate aside and looks at him dead on, with that There’s no way you’re getting out of this look in her eyes. “You know, if you did want to get out there again, my friend Diana has a granddaughter around your age that just moved to LA and wants to meet some people.”

There it is.

“Abuela, I really don’t think—” 

“It doesn’t have to be a date, it can just be dinner! The two of you getting to know each other. She’s sweet, she’s beautiful, and she’s a teacher, so she’s great with kids. At the very least, she could be a good friend.” She reaches across the table and grabs his hand in both of hers. “You work too hard, Edmundo. You deserve to do something nice for yourself, and that can be as easy as going out to a nice restaurant with a pretty girl for one night.”

He should tell her. He should tell her everything, even though Buck’s not here, even though he still has a stupid voice in his head telling him that as soon as their bubble pops, the likelihood of everything going belly up will skyrocket. He doesn’t want to lead this poor girl on, but Abuela is also looking at him all sad and hopeful, because she does want him to be happy, and—

“Fine. One dinner.”

Abuela cheers, actually cheers, and hugs him tightly before getting her phone. She calls Diana to set everything up themselves, rather than giving Eddie the girl’s — Chelsea’s — number. By the time he leaves, they’re set for 8pm next Friday at an Italian place downtown, and they each have a description of what the other will be wearing. “Like a real blind date,” Abuela says, and Eddie tries not to actually kick himself for falling into this trap.

He needs to get out of this. Abuela wouldn’t give him her number (“so your first meeting will be as magical as possible”), so he’ll just have to tell her right from the start on Friday. He feels bad, but hopefully she’s as nice as he’s been told and she takes it okay. And should he tell Buck? Probably, but is it even an issue if he’s not actually going through with the date? Buck’s working an overnight on Friday, so he won’t even be around when he’s supposed to be out. He could smooth it all over himself and then really sit down and get his shit together to figure out how they’re going to tell everyone, so no more fake dates happen ever again. 

He’s got this. It’s not his best idea ever, but it’ll have to do. Everything will be totally fine.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Eds? You home?”

Shit.

Eddie scrambles to shut his bedroom door, tripping over himself in the process and landing flat on his back. That’s how Buck finds him, and his stomach drops as he watches Buck’s face switch between worry and confusion as he takes in Eddie’s button down and slacks.

“Uh, hey,” he says. Buck offers a hand to help him up. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I’m on my way, just needed to grab my phone charger,” Buck says as he pulls Eddie up, checking him out again like he’s confirming that his brain isn’t playing tricks on him. “You’re awfully dressed up for your night off.”

Eddie sighs heavily through his nose. This is exactly what he was trying to avoid, and if he had left 10 minutes earlier like he meant to it would have been fine. But now Buck’s here, and he refuses to lie to him. He’s already been lying by omission enough this week.

“Abuela kinda set me up for dinner with her friend’s granddaughter,” he says quickly, panicking when Buck’s eyes go wide and his cheeks go pale. “But,” he moves closer, placing both hands firmly on Buck’s shoulders, taking it as a good sign that he doesn’t pull away, “I’m just going long enough to tell her that I’m very taken and this whole thing was a mistake. I promise, nothing was ever going to happen.” Buck does pull away then, and Eddie’s hands fall heavily back to his sides. “Buck, please—”

“I know,” he says quietly. “I know you wouldn’t do that to me. But Eds, I told you I’d follow your lead when it came to telling people about us, and if that meant fake dating other people that’s cool, I just wish you talked to me about it first. We’ve got to communicate and stuff, we’re on the same team here.”

“You’re right,” Eddie says. He slowly reaches for Buck’s hands, relieved again when he lets him. “I should have told you. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, and I didn’t want you to worry or think things were bad with us, because they’re not. But still. I’m sorry.” Buck doesn’t move, just stares at the floor. Eddie squeezes his hands. “Are we good?”

Buck finally looks up, and Eddie can’t get a read on his emotions like he usually can. But he squeezes his hands back and gives him a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “We’re good. But I should get going.” He slips out of Eddie’s hands and out the front door without another word. 

There was no yelling or accusations or anything bad, really, but Eddie still feels gutted, like every fear he had about messing up is starting to manifest like he knew they would. He should go after Buck, tell him how much he loves him, how much he trusts him, but he’s 20 minutes late now, and when he pictures Chelsea standing all by herself in a crowded restaurant looking for him, he feels a whole different wave of guilt crash inside him.

He’s going to fix this, all of this. He has to. And he’s got a 30 minute drive to think of a new plan.

~~~~~~~~~~

The drive ends up being closer to an hour, and all Eddie does is convince himself that the next time Buck sees him, he’s going to realize that Eddie’s not good enough for him and break up with him on the spot.

The restaurant is loud and crowded, lit mainly by the low candles placed on each table. Eddie’s eyes scan the room until he spots her at the bar — emerald dress and gold heels, just like Diana had told him. He slides into the empty seat next to her, awkwardly waving to get her attention. “Chelsea?”

She looks at him with a warm smile. “Edmundo, right?”

“Eddie’s fine.” He steals himself, figures ripping the band-aid right off is probably the best thing to do. “Look, I’m really sorry—”

“That’s not a great way to start a date.”

Guilt curls tighter in his stomach and up his arms. “This has been a huge misunderstanding. I’m kind of— I’m already in a relationship, and we haven’t told anyone, and my abuela was just trying to help, and she knows I can’t say no to her, and now everything is falling apart.” He feels even worse dumping all this on a woman he’s known for three minutes, but his brain seems to be doing its own thing at the moment, he’s just along for the ride.

She looks at him for a minute, before waving the bartender over. “Well, you’re here, and you sound like you’re about to lose your mind. Have one drink with me, and tell me everything.”

So he orders a Jack on the rocks and spills his guts — tells her about Buck, about why they kept everything under wraps, his plans to fix everything, how he’s so fucking scared that once everyone knows and their little fantasy world is gone, Buck will realize that he can do better, that he deserves better, and Eddie will have to put himself back together somehow. He’s not sure exactly how long he talks, but Chelsea listens intently to every word, and Eddie actually feels better when he’s done.

She finishes the last of her gin and tonic and looks him right in the eye. “I know we just met, but can I be real with you?”

Eddie nods as he knocks back his own drink.

“Your plans suck.”

He laughs and almost shoots whiskey out of his nose. “Yeah, I think I’m starting to figure that out too.”

“Look — you love your boyfriend, right?” she asks as she hands him a napkin.

“Of course. More than anything.”

“And he loves you.”

He thinks about the way Buck looks at him, no matter where they are, like he's the only person worth looking at. How it took a little while, but now he actually feels worthy of a gaze like that. “Yeah, he does.”

She shrugs. “Then it sounds like you have nothing to worry about. You have each other — everything and everyone else is just background noise.”

It’s such a simple thing, something Eddie’s known for months now, but hearing it come from someone else gives his mind that final shove that makes everything click into place and finally stick. They do have each other, he and Buck are a team, on and off the clock. That’s not going to change, if anything because they’re both too stubborn and in too deep to let it change.

“I know you’re already a teacher, but you should seriously consider becoming a therapist if you ever switch careers.”

“Believe me, this is nothing compared to the middle school problems I deal with on a daily basis.”

He shudders at the very idea of dealing with that many 13 year olds. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but thanks.” Slumping back in his chair, he scrubs a hand over his face. “I don’t even know how to start fixing this.”

Chelsea hums, face scrunched as she thinks. “You said he’s at work right? With all your friends too?” Eddie nods. “Sounds like as good a time as any to tell them. And remind Buck that you're with him one hundred percent.”

Eddie’s never been one for big, romantic gestures, but she’s right, and this is for Buck. He’ll do pretty much anything for Buck.

He stands, takes some cash out of his wallet for their drinks and places it on the bar. “Thank you Chelsea, seriously. This was...weird, and not a good first impression of me, but you’re a lifesaver.”

She smiles that warm smile again, and it feels real, no trace of pity or awkwardness. “No problem, I’m happy to help. Maybe we can get coffee sometime, as friends? I didn’t get a chance to dive into my own relationship woes.”

“Deal,” he says, laughing as he hands her his phone to actually get her number. They hug goodbye, and he all but sprints out the door and back to his truck, mind already racing trying to figure out what the hell he’s going to do once he gets to the firehouse. 

If he’s honest, this “date” really couldn’t have gone any better. He hopes the rest of his night turns out just as positive, too.

~~~~~~~~~~

The team’s in between calls when Eddie finally arrives, which is great but also does not give him a lot of time to prepare himself for whatever comes next. Rationally, he knows everything will be fine — the team will be thrilled for them, Buck will be thrilled — but there’s still that nagging voice telling him that Chelsea was wrong and that everything’s going to blow up in his face.

He shoves that voice as far away as he can and walks into the station.

There’s no plan this time beyond “find Buck”, which he does pretty quickly once he gets up to the loft. Everyone else is up here too, it seems, but he sees Buck first, curled up on the couch and watching Hen and Chim play Super Smash Bros. He has that same blank look he had on his face when he left Eddie’s earlier, and Eddie hates it. But that’s exactly what he came here to fix.

Buck double takes when he notices him at the top of the stairs, slowly unfurling himself to stand. “What are you doing here?”

A thousand thoughts fly through his head, trying to coalesce into some sweeping romantic speech that would reassure Buck of all the things Eddie’s sure he’s doubting right now. But nothing feels right, nothing even begins to scratch the surface of what Eddie’s feeling, has been feeling for the past months. Everything is fleeting and empty, pale in comparison to the technicolor love he feels every time Buck so much as looks in his direction.

Words aren’t working, but Eddie really isn’t a man of words anyway — he is, however, and man of action.

“I’m communicating,” he says, taking three long strides across the loft to Buck, grabbing his face in both of his hands, and kissing him hard. He tastes like smoke and peppermint and something fundamentally Buck that Eddie’s addicted to, and he feels a smile against his lips as Buck kisses him back in earnest. He’s not sure if it’s been seconds or years when they finally pull away from each other, but they’re both breathless and Buck is glowing and Eddie doesn’t care about anything else.

“I love you,” he says, hands still on Buck’s cheeks. “And I’m sorry. I’m always on your team, as long as you’ll let me be there.” 

Buck’s smile somehow gets even bigger. “Forever, ideally.”

Eddie’s laugh bubbles out of him as he leans back in, but stops when he hears a throat clearing somewhere to his right. He looks, and everyone — everyone, including people who were definitely downstairs when he got here — is staring at them with varying degrees of shock and excitement on their faces. Ripping the band-aid off works in his favor again.

“So,” Hen says slowly from the couch. “This is new.”

Eddie shrugs as he grabs Buck’s hand. “Not really. Unless six months old is new, I guess.”

“Six months old?”

“Closer to seven, actually,” Buck says.

There’s a clatter as Chim drops his controller and stands, arms up over his head. “That means I win!”

“Whoa, hold on, you do not—”

The loft erupts as everyone swarms Hen, talking technicalities and logistics of what was apparently a very elaborate betting pool. Buck hides his face in Eddie’s shoulder as he laughs.

“Do you think they’re actually happy for us?” Eddie asks. “Or mad that we screwed up their winnings?”

Buck looks up, resting his chin on Eddie’s shoulder. “Probably both. But I’m the real winner here.”

“And a huge cheeseball,” Eddie says.

“Better get used to it, because you’re not getting rid of me,” Buck says, winding his arms around Eddie’s waist and kissing him again.

“Forever, right?” Eddie asks as they break apart, foreheads resting together. All he sees are Buck’s eyes, sparkling blue in the light of the loft and so full of happiness — happiness because of Eddie — that he wants to drown in them.

“Yeah. Forever. No turning back now.”

Eddie likes the sound of that.

[mxgilray]

Loki Season 1 Thoughts

Overall, I really liked this series. It has some issues without question, but I sincerely don't think it's the dumpster fire so many viewers on this site treat it as. Did it go how I expected? Not at all? Did I enjoy the heck out of it and look forward to it every Wednesday? Hell yeah!

Loki's Good Guy Personality

A big complaint many have had with it is how much Loki's demeanor has changed and how his emotional growth feels rushed or his personality is ooc. Truth is, he saw his entire future, saw what his angry, power hungry, I-work-alone persona would get him in the end, and it snapped him back to reality. He has always been shown to be quite emotional and craving attention and lacking in self assurance, it's just in the past movies he's masked it with violence and fake narcissism, and he's always been a secondary character so his perspective is rarely shown. But if you really pay attention it's obvious he isn't truly villainous; we all know that, it's largely why he has such a huge fan base.

Right after meeting Mobius, Loki got an infodump of his future, saw his parents both die, found out that free will means jack shit, and learned he's absolutely powerless in this realm. On top of that, this is 2012 Loki, fresh off of being under Thanos' control, suddenly being shown that the guy who controlled him is going to end up killing him. Frankly,, I think it all broke Loki. He was too shook up by it all and by the sheer helplessness he found himself in at the TVA that he let all his barriers down momentarily. Just long enough for him to open up to Mobius about his motivation and his lack of self confidence. And you know what I bet? Loki felt relieved after talking to Mobius. A weight was lifted, because he bore his heart to someone and wasn't rejected or laughed at or treated like a psycho. And after letting his walls down fully, Loki didn't feel the need to put all of them back up. He stayed guarded around other people, but he didn't need to pretend around Mobius. Mobius has seen under the mask, so Loki doesn't feel pressure to perform as an all knowing, all powerful God around Mobius. That freedom is life changing.

People who gravitate towards broken, pseudo-villain characters do so because we relate to their internal conflict, their mental illness, their need to fake it around everyone close to them. Their turmoil and depression and self destructive behavior are familiar and we see ourselves reflected in their actions. Now, when a person really truly let's their guard down, drops all their layers of facade, and embraces themself, they tend to change demeanor and even personality pretty drastically. It's jarring in real life, so of course when it happens to a fictional character who you usually relate to it is going to be jarring, maybe even more so because it feels like a change you yourself would never go through. I know this sounds bad and people might get at me for it, but...

I believe the issue here is that a large part of Loki's fan base doesn't want him to get better. They don't want him to move past his mental illness, to learn how to cope with anger and disappointment in healthier ways, to be happy. They like his damaged persona, they like the internal conflict. Maybe it's because they're still at that low place themself and feel like a relatable character is getting taken away from them, maybe it's because they don't understand how much being at peace with yourself can alter a person and to them it feels like he's been changed too much. To those of us mostly on the up and up from battling depression and mental illness, it's comforting to see Loki getting a chance to be genuinely happy and accepting of himself.

Sylki and Lokius

First things first, I'm not anti anything. Ship what you want, idc. Personally, I do not see the Sylki dynamic as romantic, but I get why people read it that way. I thought the series did a good job of showing unrequited love, namely Loki falling for Sylvie and Sylvie feeling zero romance towards him. This was aware of his attraction and in the end used it as a distraction so she could get the upper hand. The show played up the potential romance because we are viewing things from Loki's perspective and he's become smitten as a kitten. I do think in the long run they'll have a more sibling-like dynamic, one Loki realizes that you can feel extreme love and care for a person without it being romantic. I enjoyed how the show explored their relationship, though I do wish they hadn't had every character under the sun mention their moment on Lamentis-1 like it was some big deal to bond with someone you're about to die with.

I'm bitter towards the development of Lokius. It had a strong start in the beginning, and in ep 5 had some potential reignited, but then they had Mobius not know who Loki is at the end. I'm still hoping they're playing the long game with this ship and that it'll come to fruition partway through season 2. The chemistry is there, and Mobius knows Loki very intimately and isn't put off by his past. Loki also feels much more at ease around Mobius than he does around Sylvie. It's the comfort of a deep loving bond with Mobius verses the nervousness of a new crush that he feels for Sylvie.

I don't think Loki is quite aware of his feelings for Mobius, simply because it's based in friendship and mutual respect and isn't a hot and heavy lust. Plus, as soon as he was away from Mobius he was thrown into a near death experience with Sylvie and developed a surface crush during their heart to heart. Since Loki's still figuring out what genuine feelings are beyond anger and sadness, he sees the simplistic crush he has on Sylvie as love and the intimate bond he's been forming with Mobius as friendship. He doesn't understand his own feelings yet, but I think he'll figure it out next season. I mean, he was probably already rethinking his feelings for her after she kissed and betrayed him, mentally kicking himself for expecting her to not pull a Loki betrayal like he would've in the past.

The Time Variance Authority

I really like the concept of the TVA, the structure of it, the methods they use, the deeply fucked way they recruit employees, the cult like motto, shady Miss Minutes who is definitely playing her own long game, and the blind acceptance TVA agents have of the Time Keepers' will. It's all very well done... until your dig into the core, aka He Who Remains. They built up the idea that the Time Keepers created the TVA to prevent a multiverse war and that they created agents to enforce their will. Then the creating agents turned out to be fake, the Time Keepers were fake, I expected the reason for the TVA's existence to be fake to. It felt too simple to have it genuinely exist just to keep the multiverse in check. Why the anonymity, unless it's to keep from having agents target and prune versions of himself which.. songs like a decent solution. HWR made it sound as though the multiverse war was just a bunch of versions of himself screwing shit up, so why isn't the TVA's focus on eradicating every other variant of this guy? Sounds a lot easier and nicer than fucking with the free will of every other living being. So either Marvel made a bad call when choosing what HWR's motive was for creating the TVA, or he was lying about it all to cover up something sinister.

Overall Storyline

I'm fairly happy with the plot as a whole. There were some pacing issues and I think a few missed chances for deeper conversations between various characters. While I enjoyed the Loki variants, I honestly would've been happier seeing Tom playing most the variants (except Kid Loki and Classic Loki since they are clearly different age ranges). If there is supposed to be one sacred timeline, it seems off to me that Lokis would be allowed to vary so extremely without it causing a nexus event(an alligator, whose nexus wasn't that he's an animal who obviously can't do any magic much less command Thanos' army, but that he ate someone's cat) and not just in appearance but in life path (ie boastful Loki collected all the infinity stones but it wasn't till he had 6 that he caused a nexus event even though him gaining control of the Soul, Power, and Time stones should've each caused nexus events since on the sacred timeline he never interacts with those 3 and taking any one of them would've fucked up a lot of other timeline parts)

I love the display of Lokis raw power, and 2012 Loki coming to the realization that he's way more powerful than he ever thought. And it wasn't just Classic Loki who spent thousands of years alone honing his skills, 2012 Loki reversed time on a goddamn falling building! I also liked the small magic, the fireworks, the tablecloth blanket, Loki yanking Sylvie away from HWR with just magic.

As someone who is both bisexual and genderfluid, I would've really loved more concrete representation. The comment about there never being another female Loki hit me in the gut; it undermined the Easter egg "Sex: Fluid" on Loki's TVA file. With how big a deal Sylvie being female was made out to be throughout the season, I expected her gender to play a key role in taking down the head of the TVA, like it was foretold that only a female Loki could end it all or some shit.

I don't mind the idea of Loki finding love in a straight passing relationship. I don't even mind the selfcest all that much. It just feels so obvious to me that Sylvie is written as not having any romantic inclination towards Loki, while Mobius is clearly written as falling in love with someone he shouldn't and trying to maintain an heir of professionalism to keep from wrecking his bond with Loki. I really really hope they come through on season 2 and give Lokius the canon relationship and proper representation they deserve.

Mmkay I thinks that's all the thoughts I've got right now. If you've been feeling cheated or clowned by how things went this season, maybe my perspective of things can help ease your pain.

[tartagilicious]

Hi, I've got a bit of a weird request for MLQC. What would be different with an MC who was a player of the game before somehow getting pulled into the first chapter of it? They don't have to have played through everything, but definitely at least up to ch 13, after Lucien's reveal. Which of the guys would notice MC acting weird? Would MC ever tell them? How would they react? How does this mess with the plotline?

😳 wait when I tell you I used to think about this on a daily basis- I’ve never gone into much depth with it though, so I guess now is a better time than ever! let’s say that for drama’s sake, this person has played up to chapter 29, since I think that’s the last chapter she reunites with them after being gone for 6 months.

Lucien:

- In my eyes, this always starts with the MC waking up confused in her apartment. She recognises the area around her based now what she’s seen in the game and is familiar with though she obviously thinks it’s a dream. Until, that it is, there are texts from in game characters that come from the phone on the bedside table. She’s more unsure then.

- She explores the apartment briefly and is freaked out when she recognises the kitchen, but decides that she should try visiting some other places she remembers from the game to try and confirm what’s going on. On the way out, she runs into Lucien, who’s leaving his apartment at the same time. 

- By chapter 29, the last we’ve seen of Lucien is when you’re reunited and he confesses those things to you while he thinks you’re asleep. Because of this, and also because of outside sources, this person understands his situation and his personality much more. There’s a lot less hesitancy, but she isn’t sure what Lucien knows at this point. At the very least, it’s comforting to her that she has the upper hand when he’s not quite smitten for her yet.

- I always end up confiding in Lucien because I’m biased, though normally, that’s obviously not a good idea T-T

- Though of course, early Lucien is very far from a threat, so he notices how bewildered she is to see him and is more concerned than anything. It’s hard to know what to say without completely revealing everything, but I can imagine she’d be struggling either way. She would probably slip up once, maybe referring to something personal between them that hasn’t happened yet out of nerves

- He’d be polite about it, not even a bit wary because I don’t even think the MC knew she had an evol yet, and he’d know that. It’d be better just to assume that she’s spewing nonsense than actually looking very deep into it.

- I have a feeling that this would end up messing with the plot pretty badly, actually. She knows a version of him that doesn’t exist yet, and this would be a singular issue imo. His personality is night and day when comparing to the beginning to how he is currently. It would get her into a lot of trouble either way, but could possibly also force Lucien go undergo development much much earlier

- I can imagine her trying to curve his betrayal. he tells her to meet him at the place he tells her his real motives (the news station?? that skinny and tall building idk ;-;) and she just flat out says no. you can’t leave me if I don’t let you >:)

Victor:

- this!!!!! I have such a soft spot for victor and it shows in how this plays out in my head. Without a doubt, the only person that I would trust with the information that I was pulled into the game is Victor. Throughout most of the game, mostly later chapters, Victor is kind of like her partner — she learns to trust him with almost everything, and they work through the situations they can together. They save each other’s lives countless times. This is a lot for one person to carry while the other is clueless of any of that ever happening.

- Next, I feel like it’s reasonable that she would try to seek out everyone else, and where better to find Victor at this point than LFG? Conveniently, once she gets in the office, Goldman hunts her down to tell her that Victor’s waiting for her in his office to discuss the final terms of investment. talk about nostalgia lol

- personally. I’d feel panicked going up to his office. Victor is a very intimidating guy when you aren’t close to him, and acting as you normally would around him will not only be possibly humiliating but also just not effective at all.

- she would devise a plan in her head and as they talk, would slip in small details that kind of further the plot without revealing too much. so for example, mention how the investment is so important to her because she was an orphan and wants to make a name and prove that anyone can do what they dream to. he’d probably try asking more about that, but if not, she could always go into further detail like how she was injured pretty badly trying to save someone else around that time, but doesn’t really remember why and wants to find this person to see if they’re doing okay. This would advance their relationship like 10 chapters, but it would be pretty hasty. This would just be to let him know who she is and what kind of things the future will contain

- Once he figures out what she’s doing, he’d ask what her purpose is — why did she seek him out? to this, she’d most likely reveal her dilemma, and how she was pulled into this world from hers, and knows what will happen for months in the future because of the circumstances

- whether or not he’d retain this affection that he has for the MC when knowing that she isn’t technically who he’s looking for is up for debate, but regardless, something like that is definitely too good to pass up. he’s always been connected to black swan, and knowing her and enlisting her help would most likely come in handy.

Gavin:

- I think I’ve implied that these events take place somewhere in the first few chapters rather than the first so :( I’ll just continue with that. that might even work better, because it gives them at least a bit of a connection to this person. I don’t really remember what happens in the first few chapters, ngl, but I think it’s pretty calm. 

- Gavin!!!! whether he’s your favourite or not, you can’t deny that this man is a literal pilar of support. he’s the knight in their dynamic, whereas she’s the queen. she knows he’s not as intimidating as he seems, and her immediate friendliness might throw him off a bit, but I think it’d be a good thing. 

- part of the reason he backs off so much in the earlier chapters is so he doesn’t overwhelm her with all of these sudden developments (like coming back to be her personal guard, about black swan, etc) In the original plot, Gavin knows much more than he lets on, always more than the mc does at the very least. 

- this would probably change their relationship a lot. I mean, obviously, whoever this is that’s been pulled into the game is bound to have a different personality to the normal mc. she’s more joking and doesn’t hesitate so much, and obviously is a lot smarter and confident due to knowing the future. she doesn’t have to rely on Gavin for information like the original mc does. instead, she acts with him. 

- this literally takes 27 chapters in the game. when she meets Gavin in that evol institution in ch27, that’s the first time they fight comfortably side by side. 

- Gavin would definitely notice such a drastic change in personality from the shy and kind girl he knew in high school. he might comment on it a few times, but I feel like a personality change is a bit easier to justify, especially since it’d been a few years. she technically has the mc’s memories, so it’s not suspicious or anything. he’d probably eventually let it go.

- though, I think it’s pretty plausible that he’d find out you’re not actually the mc he knows later, maybe by mistake or by you telling him. but by then, he’s also grown attached to this new version of her and doesn’t mind as much.

Kiro:

- you wouldn’t have to tell him you were pulled into the game. he’d know.

-  with his connections as Helios and also just his general memory of the mc, it wouldn’t take very long for him to figure out that she’s not the person he’s been chasing for years. and the mf would probably point it out too, scaring her half to death.

- of course, he doesn’t know how she appeared, just that she did, replacing the actual mc. but, despite how he’s very honest about knowing she isn’t who she says she are, he’s empathetic. it’s hard not to be when she has the mc’s face.

- she’d tell him what happened and how she appeared, partly because she wants to trust him and partly because he seems a bit threatening, but either way, I see him as an eventual ally. she knows the inner workings of everything and would be a great help to him in messing with black swan. they’d pretty much be an unstoppable duo with their combined knowledge.

- as they get closer, she feels it’s necessary to tell him that he doesn’t have to leave to protect her. she can handle herself, and him ever leaving would only cause more grief and make things complicated. he would probably tell her not to worry, that he wouldn’t just leave unprompted. 

- when he ends up leaving anyway, it stings more than it did watching it on a screen. 

- though, that also makes the reunion more memorable, and it would probably go differently as well. maybe kiro is this mc’s LI?? that would be cool asf

[missmonsters2]

Between the Lines || VIII

PAIRING: Steve Rogers & Fem!Reader (Platonic) / Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader / Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader / Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Summary: Vampire AU. Life has changed drastically since the 1600s. Things are always on the move, and you’ve been very careful to not get on SHIELDs radar. Living on the down-low owning a café, you’re content to live out a quiet existence. That is until the Avengers enter your life.

[Set after the New York Invasion, in CAWS, and goes up to AoU. Canon divergent after.]

Warnings: This series will contain smut(**), poly-relationship, and dark themes. 

Note: Me, coming out of my depression snap to drop this 😌. Introducing....Wanda! Comment to be added to taglist.

PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V || PART VI || PART VII

PART VIII of XX

Count: 8097

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You're starting to understand how the dynamic works between the Avengers. While everyone is a star in their own way, they come together as a team seamlessly. 

You look around at the chaos on the field, snickering when you hear in your earpiece of Tony making fun of Steve for saying, "language!"

"That's not going to go away soon," you hear Steve mutter. 

"David, do you know how to take down the shield?" You ask.

You hear David hum.

"I don't know. There's a pathway under the north tower. Blow it up or something," You could picture David shrugging.

"Oh my god," you mutter.

"Hey, that was my idea!" Tony flippantly said as he flew towards the north tower while David hung casually from Tony's ankles. 

There was so much happening on the field. Tony was sending his Iron Legion bots to help the civilians, though you doubt the civilians will appreciate it.

You were watching rather idly on the field, occasionally taking out an android or soldier. But you could hear something in the area. 

Footsteps.

Footsteps that were much too fast to be a soldier or an android. 

You looked at Clint, who was hiding behind a tree, pulling his arrow in his bow to try to take out a bunker. He shot the arrow, but before it could reach the person manning the bunker, someone caught it.

Clint seemed confused, but you had seen it somewhat clearly. It was shocking to you. 

A blond, almost silver-haired man with a trimmed goatee and 5 o'clock shadow was...running. That was the best way you could describe it in your eyes. 

To the human eye, he was a blur.

"We have an enhanced on the field," Steve notifies everyone when Clint had tried again, but the intruder had caught it, and Clint was hit by a blast in his side as he was distracted by his shock. 

"Clint's hit," Natasha tells everyone else right after. "He's going to need evac."

"I'll take care of the enhanced," you let everyone know while Thor says he can take Clint to the jet. 

You take off, running in the direction you saw the speedster go. It's relatively easy for you to catch up with him. He seemed to be making his way back to the base. 

Even though you're a relatively older vampire, you can't seem to catch up with him completely. You're trailing behind him, but even so, that seems to surprise him. 

He stops in his tracks, causing you to stop as well. He stands there before you, eyes wary as he takes you in as you try to remember everything in David's file.

Pietro Maximoff.

"What are you?" He asks, accent thick in his voice. 

You cock your brow at him, "You know that's rather rude to ask a lady."

You see the slightest twitch in his lip. You take his face in more slowly this time. 

There is part of him that reminds you of Tatyana, and you're sure he's her descendant. 

"You're different," he comments, "but I don't remember seeing you as part of the Avengers."

"I'm really just a part-timer," you tell him.

He takes in your response. You stand still, trying to listen on the field because David's file told you there were two of them.

You don't hear anything else on the field, and when your eyes dart to the side for just a moment, Pietro smirks. 

"You're fast," he says, "but you're not as fast as me." 

Before you have anything else to say, Pietro takes off again. You have half a mind to chase after him, but you know it would only be a game of tag. 

"Careful out there. Pietro has run off, and his sister is not in the area," you warn the team. 

"We've got all the data from their systems; I'm going to head back first to process it all," David speaks back into the intercom. 

You're about to take off towards the base when you hear Natasha advise they've locked down their positions and Steve telling her to get Banner. 

You pause. 

You know the girl, Wanda, is likely to be in the base with Tony, and you really should go because David has left, and Tony shouldn't be left alone.

But...

You turn around, running off towards Natasha. 

It was a shot in the dark plan that Bruce had come up with some time ago. Bruce asked that Natasha be the one to try to bring him back since Tony would be busy handling the inside of the base, and for some reason, Natasha was the next person he thought would be able to bring him back. 

Still, you were worried.

Trust or not, you know what the Hulk is capable of, and your instinct wouldn't let Natasha face that alone. 

You quickly find the Hulk grunting as he walked around the snow in a secluded area. You step out quietly, undetected as you see Natasha approaching from the other side. On the outside, she appeared completely fine, but you could hear her heart trembling in her chest.

You didn't step out into view because this was for Natasha to do, and you didn't want to overstep your boundaries with Bruce, but you would intervene if necessary.

"Hey, big guy," Natasha softly said so that he wouldn't feel threatened. The Hulk growled at her, stepping towards her, and you felt your thighs tense, wanting to move forward immediately, but you held yourself.

In terms of strength, you weren't stronger than the Hulk. But your odds were definitely better than anyone else's, and your body would be more durable if he hit or threw you.

And while Natasha may be enhanced, the Hulk could accidentally kill her. 

"The sun's getting real low," Natasha coos, putting her hand out in front of him as she kneels. 

The Hulk scowls at her, breathing heavily. He stares at her hand, and to Natasha's credit, her hand was as still as a stone. The Hulk grunts again before he reaches his hand back out to her, flipping it over before placing the backside of his hand down onto Natasha's. 

She swallows, trying to give him a reassuring smile as she strokes his hand. For a second, you think you see him relax a little.

But something shifts, and you're unsure if it's because of Natasha or because of the Hulk. Whatever it is, you sense the change immediately, watching his shoulders tense and tremble, the low grumble in his throat. 

Before you know it, you're digging your foot into the ground. It goes through the snow, breaking the gravel underneath and your hand ripping off part of the tree's trunk as you burst towards Natasha.

Before the Hulk can knock Natasha into the air, you hurdle into her, rolling a couple feet away in the snow. The redhead is breathless, surprised to see you. 

"What are you--" She starts to say as the two of you stand up.

"Stay here," you tell her as you blur in front of the Hulk. 

Natasha feels her heart fills with fear as you stand before the Hulk. You look so tiny compared to him. The rational part of her brain knows that you're not human. You're stronger, stronger than many people out there. You're an immortal, and she's aware that only one thing can kill you.

But she can't help but feel fear because Natasha couldn't help herself from feeling it in front of the Hulk.

Natasha watches you, your mouth reared back in a snarl, and your teeth look sharp. 

And then she felt it.

An invisible crackle in the air.  

The hair on the back of Natasha's neck stood, and it felt like her feet were being rooted to the ground. She looks at you again, and your eyes are glowing red. 

And it's the first time Natasha realizes that you are a vampire. 

A predator. 

Dangerous.

You look at the giant creature before you. His muscles are tensing under the pressure you're exerting.

He hasn't moved from his spot, but he's growling and roaring at you. 

It's not enough, you know.

It would be nearly impossible to compel him to simply turn back. 

You turn, taking a silent step, so light and quiet that it doesn't even leave an imprint in the snow. You hold your finger out, catching his attention, and the Hulk snarls at you. 

Calmly, you bring the finger between your eyes, the red fading away. The Hulk follows the movement, looking right into your eyes. 

Your pupils expand, looking like they've exploded into liquid tendrils.

"Relax," you command lithely.  

You can see the Hulk trying to resist, but his pupils are dilating in and out. He's grunting, glaring at you, but you remain expressionless.

"Look around you," you softly say, his head turning automatically. "There's no more danger. It's just you, me, and Natasha. There's nothing to be angry at. Nothing to smash."

The Hulk looks back at you, and you still have your compulsion on.

"Relax," you tell him again.

This time, he stares longer, eyes remaining dilated.

He let out a puff of air, a small whine before he started shaking his head. Not long after, he staggered back, falling to the ground stumbling as he began to shrink, and the green started to fade.  

When all was said and done, Bruce Banner lay in the snow, getting up slowly as he watched his surroundings. 

You close your eyes for a moment, pupils returning to normal as Natasha starts to move towards Bruce. Your instincts still feel like they're on haywire, wanting to immediately intercept her from getting closer, but you're able to rationalize that Bruce isn't a threat anymore.

He's simply a man, with a beast sleeping inside. 

Natasha gives him his clothes that he changes into behind a tree. When he comes back out, he gives you a self-deprecating smile.

"I'm guessing the lullaby didn't work?" He asks.

You shrug. "It did a little. Perhaps if it was someone you were closer to, it would've worked all the way."

A part of you felt like if you didn't monopolize Natasha's time, she would've become a good friend to Bruce.

Not to say there weren't now, but there was hardly a bond. 

"How did you get me to turn back?" Bruce asks.

"Compulsion," you answer simply. 

"You can compel me to turn back?" He asks, surprised, a tinge of hope in his voice.

You shake your head.

"Not exactly," you clarify. "I used compulsion to sway you into calming down. You weren't exactly on a rampage, so it made it easier."

Bruce bites his tongue but gives a sharp nod. 

Right after, you hear Steve in your ear saying they've secured the scepter. The twins have escaped, but it was time to head back to the Quinjet. Bruce starts to head back first, and Natasha starts to follow, but you stop her.

She looks back at you curiously. 

You can't help it.

Your instincts are going off even though you know Natasha's not in immediate danger. 

You can't help but check her over, eyeing every bit of her to ensure she's not hurt. Natasha seems to know what you're doing, smiling lightly as she steps forwards into you, wrapping her arms around you.

"I'm okay," she reassures you. 

You blink, momentarily surprised, but you wrap your arms around her. 

"Why did you come?" She asks you. "I know you were planning to meet the twins."

You inhale her scent slowly, feeling the relief hit your system. 

"Nothing," you rumble, pulling back to look at Natasha's face. "Nothing could keep me from you if there's a chance you might get hurt."

You lift your hand to cup her jaw, slowly stroking her cheek. Natasha leans into your touch, eyes fluttering closed for a moment before she looks back at you.

Her green orbs have you captivated, and you can't help but stare into her eyes, remembering every detail of them. The tiny speckles of sun within the lush forest of her eyes have you falling for her all over.

"I want my vows to mean something with you," you mumble, leaning closer to her face, eyes dropping down to her lips. 

Natasha's heart flutters as she feels her eyes closing. She grips the back of your jacket tightly between her fingers. 

"Your vows?" Natasha husks. 

The tip of your nose touches her, and her nose feels cold. You can see your own breath out in the cold as your lip brushes against hers.

"You're mine to protect," you say before closing the distance, pressing your lips against hers softly.

You find that her mouth is much warmer.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You wished that Natasha would've let you take her back first class again, but she seemed to think it would be better to travel back as a team.

That being said, she was adamantly against you buy everyone's plane ticket first class. 

You shifted in your seat, feeling uncomfortable in the aircraft as you watch Steve fly. It doesn't help that you can hear Bruce playing opera music through his headphones. You know it probably helps him relax, but you can't help but feel like it's doom music. 

You watch as Natasha goes over to him, trying to comfort him as she turns his music off.

"Hey, the lullaby half-worked. Don't beat yourself up too much."

"Yeah," Bruce shrugs. "I just didn't expect Code Green."

"If you hadn't been there, there would've been double the casualties. My best friend would've been a treasured memory," Natasha smiles.

"You know, sometimes exactly what I want to hear isn't exactly what I want to hear," Bruce looks at her.

You resist the urge to snarl at him because you can tell it makes Natasha feel bad when her intention is to make him feel better.

"Thor, report on the Hulk?" Bruce asks, shifting his attention to the Norse God. 

"The gates of Hell are filled with the screams of his victims," Thor happily shares.

You resist the urge to laugh when Bruce groans, and Natasha glares at Thor.

You catch David's eye from across the aircraft and find he's also smirking.

"Uh, but, not the screams of the dead, of course," Thor tries to backtrack. "No, no, uh...wounded screams, mainly whimpering, a great deal of complaining and tales of sprained deltoids and, and uh... and gout."

"It probably would've been worse if you weren't there," Bruce says as he looks at you, and you merely shrug. 

"Can you compel me to not change or compel me to change back when I'm the Hulk?" Bruce asks, looking hopeful.

Everyone looks at you.

"Compel?" Tony asks as he squints his eyes at you.

"Out on the field. The lullaby didn't quite work as well as we thought. If she hadn't been there, I don't know what I would've done to Natasha," Bruce purses his lip in shame. 

"What did you do?" Tony asks you, but Bruce cuts in.

"I don't know how to describe it," Bruce starts. "I mean, for starters, I only remember bits and pieces of it, but it was like something overcame me, overrode what the Hulk was feeling. It allowed me to change back."

You felt like you were getting an oncoming headache from this.

Tony looks at you suspiciously, and you roll your eyes.

Before you can say anything, David jumps in to explain for you.

"Every vampire has a power called Compulsion," he draws the attention to himself. "We can essential mind control humans by having them look into our eyes. It's generally not something we can use to control people forever, but it does get stronger with age, training, and diet."

"Diet?" Clint clarifies from his spot.

"Human feeders are always more powerful than vampires who choose to feed on animals. Blood bags are the halfway point," David shrugged.

You turn to look at Bruce.

"Either way, the answer is no," you tell him. "For one, it's not a power I like to use unless the situation calls for it. While you may feel that every case the Hulk is in calls for it, I don't. Secondly, I didn't compel you to change back. As I said, I only influenced you to remain calm. It's unlikely I can compel you to turn back if the Hulk's willpower overpowers mine when he's wild. Thirdly, I'm not your keeper. I'm not interested in Hulk-sitting for you if we're out on missions."

It's rather blunt, but you don't want to beat around the bush regarding this matter, lest you wanted Bruce to keep trying to convince you.

"You sound like you trust him," Bruce grumbles unhappily. 

You shrug once more. "It's not about trust. He's a part of you, whether you want him to be or not. He's not going anywhere. I accept that about you. Do you?"

Silence falls over the aircraft, but you don't care. Bruce stares at you, and you quirk a brow at him.

He doesn't provide you his answer, most likely because it's a no, but tension rises.

"Anyways," Tony breaks up the quiet with his own brow cocked. "Dr. Cho's on her way in from Seoul. She's gonna set up in your lab, that okay, Banner?"

"Uh, yeah, she knows her way around," Bruce blinks.

Just like that, the rest of the ride is spent discussing the mission, the scepter, and Strucker.

At some point, Natasha comes to sit next to you. You fingers twitch, wanting to reach out to her, but you force them to remain at your side.

"Hey," she whispers, but it clear as day for you.

"Hey," you say back, smiling lightly when you feel Natasha's pinky atop of yours.

You suppose flying in the aircraft wasn't all awful.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"How you holding up, bud?" You asked with a slight drawl that had Clint chuckling as he winced. 

Dr. Cho was arguably one of the most beautiful women you've encountered, and she had a slight bite in her that made her easy to get along with. 

Clint merely makes a grunt and a sequence of grumbles that get you chuckling back.

"You sure he's going to be okay? Pretending to need this guy really brings the team together," Natasha asks as she looks at Dr. Cho.

Clint playfully glares at her while she smiles innocently back at him.

Dr. Cho smiles reassuringly at the redhead. "There's no possibility of deterioration. The nano-molecular functionality is instantaneous. His cells don't know they're bonding with simulacrum."

"She's creating tissue," Bruce says with amazement in his voice and eyes wide. 

You're lost on the rest of the talk as you look around the room and machinery. David would know much more regarding the technology in this room, but he was currently with Tony working on the scepter. 

"I hear that your venom does exactly the same thing my work does, if not faster and better," Dr. Cho says, grabbing your attention. You can tell she fascinated with you by the look in her eyes. "Would you be interested in giving me a sample of your venom or blood?" 

You give her a smirk but shake your head.

"I'll have to politely decline," you tell her as everyone looks at you in the room. "While my venom is capable of healing someone, it's also capable of killing or changing someone. The last thing I want is for the wrong person to potentially get their hands on it and figure out how to activate my venom that way. On top of that, using venom has side effects."

You look at Clint, "I only use it for life or death situations on humans. Otherwise, I would've healed you on the field."

"What kind of side effects?" Dr. Cho asks.

You hum.

"Every human reacts a little differently to it. But generally, the more venom a human has in their system, they take on features of a vampire. It's very subtle," You wrap a strand of hair around your finger. "Maybe their skin gets clearer, hair gets a little shinier, they feel less hungry or even find they need less sleep. Of course, it's not forever because the venom is eventually diluted out by more blood being produced in their system if a vampire doesn't continually inject them with venom."

"That doesn't seem like bad side effects," Clint frowns.

You smile at him before you release your hair and go back to crossing your arms. 

"Perhaps not, but sometimes the symptoms come in another form too. Like you're hungry, but for some reason, food just isn't hitting the spot for you." 

He blinks at you. 

"Are you saying..." he drags, not wanting to say it out loud as he scrunches his nose.

"That as a human, you might get the craving for blood and possibly drink it to satisfy the craving? Yes." 

Clint visible shivers in disgust and gags at the thought, and you shrug with a laugh.

"That's why I prefer to not use my venom unless I have to. While everyone reacts to it differently, I try to not take the chance," you look at Dr. Cho.

"Wait, wait, wait--" Tony interrupts. "Capsicle told us you used it on Natasha."

You nod, not seeing the problem.

"Well, I highly doubt she was going to die from a gunshot wound, and there was a medic there," Tony states like it's obvious.

You tilt your head with quirk your brow. "Well, one, I was making a point of revealing I was a vampire. Secondly, I was--am attracted to her, and now I'm dating her. Her safety will always be my number one priority. I will always use my venom to heal her if she's hurt."

"That's just favoritism!" Tony shouted indignantly. 

You gave him a look that just screamed, 'Yeah? Have you not been listening to me?'

Natasha let out a burst of laughter at Tony's face.

The rest of the time was spent bickering about tonight's party, and you couldn't help but catch eyes with Natasha every few minutes. 

And she's looking back with you with half-lidden eyes.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

You have an unsettling feeling in your stomach, though you aren't sure why. David seems to feel the same as you can see him across the room, tapping his foot impatiently.

"What's wrong?" You say quietly, garnering only David's attention.

"I don't know," David sighs. "You know how I was looking at Tony's system and helping out with the scepter, right?"

You hum.

"Tony is trying to build some kind of protection legion for the world, but something feels off," David says quietly, barely moving his lips. "I feel like I saw something I wasn't supposed to see."

You hum again. Tony had seemed off-balance to you. He was clearing suffering PTSD from the alien invasion in New York, but then he seemed more...off after returning from the base in Sokovia. It was subtle, but he appeared to be slowly becoming unhinged to you.

"Tell me about it later," you tell David, who nods sharply. 

You set off to try to enjoy the rest of the night. 

"Well?" 

You look over the bar as you lean over the counter. Natasha's looking absolutely delectable tonight. She had given herself a haircut before the mission, and while you somewhat missed her long hair,  the short haircut was doing it for you too.

"What can I get for you, sweetheart? I think this one's on the house," Natasha flirts with you. You're barely holding your own smile as you look at her. 

"I'm not sure what kind of drink I want, but I do know I want to take the bartender home. Do you think she'll let me?" You ask with an innocent look that has Natasha smirking.

"Play your cards right, and she just might."

Natasha winks at you before she has to go to the other end of the bar to help another person with their drink, but not before leaving a rum and coke for you.

You watch her saunter off, looking just delicately over her shoulder to smile at you before she focuses on the person in front of her. 

"See? Told you things would work out."

You look beside you to see Steve standing there with a big ole' grin on his face.

You roll your eyes.

"Must be hard being right all the time, huh?" You joke.

"Yes," he sighs dramatically, "but it's a burden I must carry."

You both burst into laughter, and you let out a light sigh. You had missed Steve with the time apart, his friendship is so important to you. Steve is looking at you gently too, and you're happy to know he feels the same.

"Have you called Sharon?" You ask.

"Somehow, I knew you wouldn't forget that," Steve quirks his lip.

"A deal's a deal, pal," you lick your lips. 

"You'll be happy to know that I did. There may be an upcoming date," he seems almost proud of himself, and you can't help but smile.

"Atta boy!" You smile as you slap him on his shoulder.

"You sound like Bucky when you say that," Steve shakes his head.

"Any leads?" You ask with a sympathetic smile.

Steve shrugs. "Sam is still chasing, but I'll catch up with that later."

"Well, let me or David know if we can be of any help."

Steve nods in thanks.

The night starts to fade in as the rest of the party gathers around the coffee table, sitting haphazardly with their drinks in hand. You're sitting on the divan couch with no sides or back, while Natasha is leaning half her body on you with a bottle of beer in hand. 

Everyone's currently trying to see if they can lift Thor's hammer. 

You watch as Tony and James try to pull it together, it's truly a hilarious sight to see. 

You and Natasha grin as Bruce tries, even attempting to turn into the Hulk to lift it while everyone eyes him warily.

"Good attempt, big guy," you give Bruce a thumbs up. 

"How about you try, Elaine?" Bruce gentlemanly gestures to the hammer, and you snort.

"No thanks, I already know I'm a piece of shit, no need for a magical home depot tool to confirm it for me," you grin, swigging back your drink to keep it light-hearted. 

You feel Natasha softly brush your hand over your glove, and you turn your hand over so you can intertwine fingers. 

You wish you could kiss her right now. 

Steve is next in line, and Tony smirks at him.

"No pressure, cap," Tony steps aside. 

Steve rolls up his sleeves and begins to pull on it.

Thor is laughing because it seems like nothing is happening. 

But, ever so slightly, it budges. Thor seems to catch the movement as well as his face drops. 

But the hammer doesn't move anymore after that, and Thor resumes his laughter and jolly.

"Nothing," he laughs with relief.

You chuckle lowly, Natasha feelings the vibrations against her. 

"What?" She asks quietly. 

You've long finished your drink, using your free hand to wrap your arm around her waist. Pulling her closer, you turn your head so that your nose is right against the top side of her head.

"One day," you whisper in her ear so that only she may hear, "Steve will be worthy."

You finish with kissing the top of her head while Natasha blinks with wide eyes, processing the information. 

"Widow?" Bruce looked over at Natasha.

The surprised look on her face dissipated as she smirked, leaning more into you as she held up her beer bottle.

"Oh, no, no," she shakes her head, taking a sip of the beer, "that's not a question I need answered."

The jokes go around some more about how the hammer is rigged until Thor stands up. 

He grabs and lifts the hammer with ease, tossing it in his hand.

"Yes, well, that's, uh, a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one," Thor smiles, "You're not all worthy."

Everyone groans good-naturedly, even with someone throwing some chips at Thor. 

Suddenly, there's a loud screech. 

Everyone hunches over as they cover their ears. With your super hearing, the screeching is even more painful to your ears. 

When the noise fades, and everyone slowly gets up, you look over at David, who is staring behind you. 

You turn over to see a limping...robot? Wires were hanging out everywhere, and he looked like a scrap of junk metal. 

"Worthy... No... How could you be worthy? You're all killers," it slowly spoke. 

"Stark," Steve called with a little bite in his tone.

"JARVIS," Tony called, but nothing replied. 

"I'm sorry. I was asleep. Or...I was a-dream?" It tilted its head.

Tony pulls out his device, tapping on it as he looks like the monstrosity before them. "Reboot. Legionnaire OS. we got a buggy suit."

Nothing seems to be working even as Tony taps away.

The robot stumbles forward, tilting its head downwards. "There was a terrible noise...and I was tangled in... in...strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy."

"You killed somebody?" Steve asks, narrowing his eyes.

You look over to David, who is staring at the robot. He's doing his best to scan it, but you know he needs to touch it to deactivate it. 

"I didn't hear anyone in this building die. Did you?" You speak fast and quiet.

"No, I think that thing did something to JARVIS. JARVIS is supposed to be the first line of defense, but JARVIS isn't responding," David spoke back. 

Suddenly, you hear a playback recording of Tony saying he sees a suit of armor around the world.

"I'm starting to feel like we should've had our conversation earlier," you mumble while David scrunches his nose.

"Ultron!" Bruce calls out in realization. 

"In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this...chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission," Ultron's voice stutters, but you're sure it's just the suit falling apart. 

"What mission?" Natasha asks, and you can see everyone reading their guns.

Ultron looks up, his movements are stiff, but he looks back at everyone. 

"Peace in our time," Ultron says before Legion bots smash through the wall and begin to attack everyone in the room. 

You immediately cover Natasha, landing atop of her. You can hear guns being fired as you look back down at your girlfriend.

"You know, we've been in this position way too many times this week, and it's not for the activities I was hoping for," you half-joke. Natasha at least has the sense of humor to smirk at you before you pick her up and blur over to behind the bar. 

"David, go find out what you can! I got it here, but I won't be opposed if you come back!" You shout.

"Got it!" David had taken down one of the bots before he ran out of the room. Ultron had looked his way, but David was too fast to be stopped.

"This is fun, isn't it?" You asked sarcastically.

"Considering we're being attacked by robots, I'm going to say David is carrying our fucking asses," Natasha quirks her lip at you as she readies her gun.

"I resent that," you tell her. "It's true, but I resent that."

You peek your head up, looking to gauge your situation. Everyone seemed to be trying to tackle a bot on their own. You turned back to look at Natasha, who is eyeing the stairwell over to the side. 

You think it might be faster to take down Ultron, but you're not sure it will stop the bots. Not to mention, you're unsure if taking down the crickety suit that Ultron was in would even truly stop him or if he could transfer his consciousness into another bot.

You hop over the counter, immediately dodging a fire shot at you as you run at lightning speed to a legion bot, leaping in the air as you wrapped your arms around its neck, yanking it off with ease. 

It immediately powers down as you crush the head into scrap metal, bolts, and screws falling onto the floor. 

Natasha takes the chance to run to the stairwell, making her way up as she fires bullets at the bots, but the bullets seem to ricochet off, and you're not surprised since it was Tony who made them. 

You see Steve's shield on the floor, and you roll your eyes as you run over to it and pick it up, swinging it into the neck of a bot that Clint was trying to take down.

"Thanks," Clint huffs. "I was just about to give that back to Cap."

"I'm starting to feel like a boomerang would've been better than a shield," you roll your shoulders back.

"I mean, it's got the perfect shot, apparently. It can ricochet back to him..." Clint shrugs.

"And yet, it was here on the floor."

You turn your body over.

"Steve!" You call out, grabbing his attention. He turns is head as you throw his shield towards him. "You mind giving me a lift?"

He catches his shield, bracing it against his body, angled towards the ceiling as you run towards him. He seems surprised by the speed as you leap onto the shield, and Steve propels you upward.

You use the momentum to leap onto the bot floating in mid-air. It tries to use its arm to grab you, but you grab it with brute force as you rip it off from its body. You quickly then grab the head and rip it off. It powers down and begins to fall, and you adjust your position so that your feet are in the middle of its chest, crushing the body entirely as you land on the floor. 

You still see a couple half-baked bots flying around, and you sigh. 

A bot catches your attention from the corner of your eye as you see one flying towards Dr. Cho. It looks like it's about to shoot at her, but it lowers its weapon for some reason instead. 

You're about to go save her when you see David come in from the side, merely touching the bot, and it powers down before David punches a hole through its chest.

He turns around, smirking at you before he takes off, taking care of the rest of the bots in the same manner. It's only seconds before all the bots have been deactivated, and David comes to stand before Ultron.

"Well, that was dramatic!" Ultron tilts his head as he looks at you and David. "And who might you be? You're not part of the Avengers."

"You won't find anything about us regardless of where you look," David shakes his head. "You can't win against us. Me, in particular."

Ultron seems to pause before continuing on. "I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to...evolve?"

He picks up one of the dismembered Iron Legion bots, holding it between his hands. "With these? These puppets? What a joke." 

Ultron looks straight ahead at everyone. "There's only one path to peace: The Avengers' extinction."

Thor immediately throws his hammer towards Ultron.

"Wait!" David yells, taking off after the hammer, but he's a second too late when the hammer crashes into Ultron, dismantling his body. 

The lights begin to dim as he fades. As he disappears, Ultron sings his last words. 

"I had strings, but now I'm free. There are no strings on me...no strings on me."

"Fuck," David sighs. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Everyone stood inside the lab, looking at the broken bot bodies, and other various things. 

The scepter was gone too. 

"It's all gone," Bruce sounded devasted. "Ultron cleared out everything."

"Not everything," David mussed his hair. "He's been in everything, though. Files and surveillance, he may know more about all of you than you know about yourselves. I'm surprised you keep everything on hand here with such shitty encryption."

"Hey!" Tony shouted indignantly, but David shrugged.

"Unfortunately, I couldn't catch him in time when he got dismantled. I destroyed all the bots in here so he couldn't transfer his consciousness, but he escaped into the internet. It'll take some time for me to track him down." 

"He got into your files, he's in the internet. What if he decides to access something a little more exciting?" James stood to the side with his arms crossed and brows furrowed.

"Nuclear codes?" Maria realized.

"Nuclear codes," James nodded. "Looks, we gotta make some calls, assuming we still can."

David waved his hand. "I already took care of that. I got into the system, and the codes are continually being scrambled. The algorithm changes every minute. Though, I do suggest you make your calls and figure out the best way to handle that."

"You hacked the Pentagon," James said in disbelief.

"Trust me, I wouldn't have been the first," David looked unimpressed.

"That is true," Tony nods, knowing he's done it himself.

"I'll be right back," James pulled out his cell.

"I'll go with you," Maria took off with him. 

"Nukes?" Natasha turned around, crossing her arms. You'd given her your sweater to wear, and she pulled it closer to her body. "He said he wanted us dead."

"Not dead," Steve jumped in. "He said extinct."

"He also said he killed somebody," Clint recalled.

"Was there anyone else in the building?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Tony frowned. "There was."

He pulled up a 3D image of JARVIS's destroyed consciousness. 

"This is insane," Bruce ran his hand through his hair as he looked at the fragmented pieces.

"JARVIS was supposed to be our first line of defense. He would've stopped Ultron, it makes sense."

"Not if Ultron assimilated him," Bruce shook his head. "This wasn't a strategy, this was...rage."

"I wouldn't worry about JARVIS too much," David shook his head as he circled around the 3D image.

"What do you mean?" Bruce looked at David. "He was completely obliterated."

"No," David shook his head. "He wasn't."

David walks over to the computer, shooting up a holographic screen.

"I had some help scrambling the nuclear launch codes," David began typing away. 

"Help?" Tony squinted his eyes as he moved to stand next to David.

"JARVIS, the clever little bastard he is, managed to erase his memory and scatter himself all over the internet," David gave a small smirk.

"So, he's a little bit everywhere..." Tony said quietly, nodding to himself.

"Yep," David confirmed. "It'll take me some time to find and collect him. I have a lot of other things on my plate."

"Told you," Natasha whispered as you had your arm around her waist, hips touching. "Carrying our asses."

"Damn straight! Overworked and underpaid here!" David yelled, clearly hearing her, and you rolled your eyes. 

"You can always ditch her and come work for me. I offer quite a competitive salary and comprehensive benefits," Tony smiles. 

"I would rather saw my leg off, but thank you," David answers without looking at him as he continues to work.

"Well, I--" Tony starts, but suddenly Thor flies in straight for Tony, grabbing him by his neck and lifting him up.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's going around," Clint's eyes go wide.

"Come on, buddy, use your words," Tony gasps through the hold on his neck.

"Oh, I have plenty of words to describe you, Stark," Thor glares.

"Thor! The legionnaire," Steve redirects his attention. Thor drops Tony, but not before giving a displeased look at him.

"The trail went cold about a hundred miles out, but it's headed north, and it has the scepter," Thor told Steve, but then turned his head back at Stark. "Now, we have to retrieve it. Again."

Thor's tone was miffed, and as he should be, he was annoyed.

"I don't understand," Dr. Cho looked at the metal parts before turning to look at Tony. "You built this program. Why is it trying to kill us?"

Tony bursts out into laughter, and you feel like it only reinforces your thoughts about how he's becoming...unhinged. 

"You think this is funny?" Thor asks with a grimace.

Bruce is just shaking his head at Tony, trying to get him to knock it off.

"No, it's probably not, right?" Tony says, but he's still laughing. "Is this very terrible? Is it so...is it so...it is. It's so terrible."

"This could've been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand," Thor lifts his hammer and points it at Tony disapprovingly.

"No, I'm sorry," Tony stops laughing, seemingly sobering up. "I'm sorry. It is funny. It's a hoot that you don't get why we need this."

"A hoot?" You mumble as you furrow your brows. 

"I don't think this the time for this, Tony..." Bruce murmurs from the side of his mouth as he's still trying to shake his head.

"Really?!" Tony exclaims in disbelief as he looks at Bruce. "That's it? Someone snarls at you, and you show your belly and give up?"

"Yeah, if I created a murder bot," Bruce points out.

"We didn't!" Tony argues. "We weren't even close. We weren't close to an interface, were we?"

"Now, don't shy away from responsibility," David cuts in as he turns to face everyone, leaning against the desk. "That's an unattractive quality."

"Who asked you?" Tony scrunched his nose.

"No one, but since I'm doing nearly all the work, I'll say whatever the fuck I want," David smiles. 

"Oops," you mumbled, drawing Natasha's attention, "here he goes."

"You created this AI program. Maybe you weren't close to an interface for it, but you should've planned for in case it went sentient. What? Your only goal for this AI program was to maintain peace for the earth?" David scoffs. "You're an absolute moron because you know what Ultron's going to come to the conclusion of? Humans are bad for the earth."

"You're absolutely insane," Tony shakes his head. "That's not what I intended for the program. The program is meant to protect the earth."

"Perhaps that was your intention," you cut in, letting go of Natasha as you stood straighter. "But it's clear that Ultron has deviated from your intentions. Protecting the earth is one thing, but you've forgotten what you're truly trying to protect: the people living on the earth."

"The Avengers were supposed to be different than SHIELD," Steve sighs, and you shrugged.

"Does anyone remember when I carried that nuke through the wormhole?" Tony blinks in disbelief at everyone.

"No, never came up," James entered the room, catching the last of the conversation.

"You know, when I saved all of New York," Tony looks around.

"Never heard of it," James deadpanned.

"Remember? When we had a hostile alien army coming through a fucking hole in the sky from space. We were standing three hundred feet below it," Tony points at the ground. He looks at everyone. "We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all day, no problem. But that up there? That's...that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?

"Together," Steve tells him, and Tony looks like he wants to laugh again.

"We'll lose," he tells Steve.

"Then we do that together too," Steve says somberly, and Tony just stares at Steve.

"Not that we would lose," David shrugs.

"You actually think that we'd win?" Tony asks in disbelief, truly thinking David is an idiot.

"You're Ultron's creator, and unfortunately, you've put the worst parts of your personality and paranoia into him," you defend David, shaking your head as you spoke.

"I don't think an alien invasion that actually happened and could happen again would be considered paranoia," Tony quirked his brow.

"There's no doubt there's a possibility that it could happen again," You shrug your shoulders. "But you assume that The Avengers is the be-all, end-all, that you're the be-all, end-all. You assume that you guys are the only people in this world that can fight whatever shit humans can't handle. David and I are literal proof that other supernatural or mutants exist. There are the twins out there too."

You tilt your head. "I know this is your team, your friends, but even if we lose, there's always going to be a new generation of people who will stand up and fight. Each generation of heroes will be better than the next. We do what we can as superheroes, but we don't need perfection to achieve peace."

"I'm not a superhero," Tony shakes his head.

You give him a light smile. "Could've fooled me."

Tony just stares at you before sighing. 

"Alright," Steve claps his hands. "Ultron is calling us out. I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place, let's try and make it smaller."

Everyone dispersed, and David came up to you, scratching the back of his head.

"I'm gonna head back to my place to grab a few things, and shower before coming back," he tells you. "What are you doing to do?"

You ran your gloved fingers through your hair and licked your bottom lip. 

"Probably head back to my place too to get a few things. I'll check a physical trail for Ultron if you give me a lead," you sigh. 

"You going to use your gift?" David gives you a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah," you grumble. David pats your shoulder before he leaves.

The room has mostly cleared out except for Steve. 

You feel someone hold your hand, and you turn to Natasha. 

"You're going to investigate?" She asks you, and you nod.

"Need company? I think between David and Tony, they've got the digital trail covered."

You smile at her as you curl your fingers around her hand.

"Can't think of anyone better to accompany me," you lift her hand to kiss the back of it. "C'mon, I'll take you back to my place. We can check in on Allison too."

Natasha smiles as she squeezes your hand.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Familiar. 

It's been days since they've escaped the base in Sokovia out in the cold. 

It's been so long since she's seen the street markets, she almost feels foreign to it. 

Yet, even as she tries to enjoy the freedom she now has, her mind keeps drifting. 

"Wanda."

Wanda snaps her head over to Pietro.

"What?" 

"Are you okay? I've been calling you for a couple minutes," Pietro frowns as he tries to assess his younger sister's well-being.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Wanda waves her hand. "It's just weird being out after being inside for so long."

Pietro hums, agreeing. 

"Come," he says, "We're almost at the church to meet whoever is reaching out to us."

Wanda nods as Pietro turns to keep walking.

Wanda clenches her jaw, willing herself to focus on the mission before her. She doesn't understand what's wrong with her. 

It had started when she met up with Pietro again after she had let Tony Stark take the scepter. 

Once they escaped, the images from Pietro hit her.

It had been brief. Wanda was still learning to control her gift, and sometimes that meant she accidentally looked into Pietro's mind. 

But still, she saw you and hasn't been able to get the image of you out of her head since.

Wanda hadn't told her brother. After all, it was clear that while he did find you interesting, he wasn't fascinated by you like she was. Even if she did tell him, she wouldn't know how to explain it anyways. 

She kept replaying Pietro's interaction with you over, and over, and over again. 

Wanda's replayed it so much, she's almost convinced she was standing there too.

Familiar. 

You were beautiful, no doubt, probably the most beautiful woman Wanda had ever seen. 

But it was like she'd known you before, but that wasn't the case. Wanda would've remembered you if she had. 

Wanda wishes she had been in Pietro's place when he met you. You were clearly different if you were able to keep up with him.

It'd be easier to understand--to know you if she had been the one there.

But she knew she'd eventually meet you.

Because Wanda only had one goal.

And that was to ruin Tony Stark and his little bandwagon of superheroes.

While Wanda may be curious about you, she's convicted to her goal, and if you were truly with the Avengers...

Wanda would ruin you too.

PART IX

[mk-wizard]

So Long, Garfield: A fanscript on how Garfield could end well

Hello, fans and fat cats. Here I am with another Garfield essay, but this one is different. It is not exploration, fan theory or character analysis, but a fanscript on how the iconic comic strip cat could end on a high note. Keep in mind that this fanscript also tries to uphold all the things that made Garfield great and brings the original concept as well as many original ideas full circle. The premise of Garfield was that we saw life through his eyes namely how he saw his owner Jon’s life at how socially awkward, pathetic and bad with women he was. The audience was also subtly led to believe that if Jon ever did finally find a woman namely his most often go-to-gal Garfield’s vet Liz who found him revolting, it would mean the end of Garfield. Yet when that happened, it still went on. I think the story should end now and here is a fan script that I put together on how Garfield could end in my opinion on a high note while honouring its legacy. It is divided into four parts which symbolize the four stages of a very drastic change in one’s life. Specifically, how everything around Garfield changes in an almost domino effect kind of way because Jon and Liz finally became a couple. Note that that four stages serve as four story arcs which make up what would make for Garfield’s very last volume in the book series.

1- Jon wants to marry Liz meaning she will move in and the household dynamic and lifestyle will change forever (resistance). - After becoming an official couple, Jon and Liz decide to move onto the next big step which is to get married. Before, when they were just dating, it made Garfield a bit jealous yet he could deal with it because at least everything else was the same in his life and he grew to like having Liz around as a visitor, but having her around full time means things will change the household dynamic forever. It turns out that adapting to having Liz live with them is going to take a lot changes and it means the way they act, live and do every day tasks will not be the same anymore. Initially, Garfield will react very bad to this because unlike Jon, he likes bachelorhood and isn’t ready to give it up, so he would probably do everything he could to foil Jon’s attempts to propose to Liz and even go as far as making Liz very uncomfortable in an effort to get her to dump Jon. However, Garfield’s stunts in fact backfire as Liz turns out to be very tolerant and patient with him as she is not only good with animals since she is a vet, but kind of see right through him so she sympathizes with him not wanting her to intrude. Also, despite all of Garfield’s efforts, Jon still somehow manages to propose to Liz and she says yes. When that happens, Garfield stops resisting and just resigns. Note that from here on end, the planning of Jon and Liz’s wedding is ongoing in the background.

2- Lyman finally finds his own place and job meaning he will move out, but so will Odie (denial). - This leads us to phase two which also brings up the forgotten yet still present idea that Lyman is Jon’s roommate and Odie is not actually Jon’s dog. After so many years, Lyman finally lands a great job and is able to move out, BUT if he goes, so will Odie. Obvious, neither Garfield or Odie are happy about this because they’re actually good friends. I would imagine that there would be tons upon tons of gags of trying to stop the move out from happening like the pets emptying out the luggage to trying to sneak Odie away so that he secretly stays in Jon and Garfield’s house, but of course, all of these attempts to keep the status quo would not only fail, they would make both Jon and Lyman very angry. I imagine the punchline in the end would be that it turns out that Lyman is only moving away into his own house a few blocks away which is just walking distance. Also, the serious side that keeping Odie isn’t just unrealistic, it’s mean because he’s all Lyman’s got. Of course, Jon and his own friend still be cool. It is also here we finally find out what Lyman does for a living; he is a photographer and he will be taking pictures for Jon and Liz’s wedding. And bittersweetly, while it turns out Garfield and Odie won’t be split up that far apart, them not living together is still a huge change to get used to as their absence in each other’s lives is felt.

3- Nermal comes to terms with leaving kittenhood and abandonment issues in his mind (depression). - At this phase, Garfield is sad and depressed, and things seem to get worse as Jon and Liz are going to the Arbuckle farm to celebrate their engagement. And fun long lost fact; Nermal is the kitten of Ma and Pa Arbuckle... but things have changed there too and so has Nermal. Mom and Dad have their own announcement which is that they are retiring and have decided to start traveling which means they are leaving the farm and the little guy in Doc Boy’s care. And while the parents are optimistic about this new phase in their lives, Doc Boy is facing some issues as Nermal is no longer a kitten. He is now a “teenager” meaning he is no longer cute and has taken up a rebellious as well as an unfriendly streak. He has become spiteful and does unkind things which as first annoys Garfield until he notices a familiar pattern and recalls he went through the same thing... when his previous owner, a pasta chef gave him to Jon. Despite all of his better judgement, Garfield gets Nermal to have a heart to heart talk, and Nermal admits that he is hurt that Mr. and Mrs. Arbuckle are leaving him behind. He thinks that they are abandoning him because he’s not a cute little kitten anymore. Of course, it turns out that the real reason they are leaving him with Doc Boy is out of love. Nermal has needs and requires stability that the Arbuckles cannot give him at their age, so they are leaving him with Doc Boy so he’ll be in good hands and have a good life. Garfield then finally comes to terms with his own abandonment issues and discovers that the pasta chef did the same thing. He didn’t give him to Jon to get rid of him because he was eating the lasagna all the time. Garfield getting older and hungrier was a sign that he was growing up and needed a good home, so the chef helped Garfield find an owner who could be there for him full time. Through this, for the first time ever, Garfield and Nermal finally find common ground and get to like each other. It turns out that underneath it all, Nermal is a lot like Garfield in how he likes to eat and secretly enjoys mischief. So much so that like how Garfield loves lasagna, Nermal adores country style apple pie. At the end of the engagement party and trip, both Garfield and Nermal’s spirits are lifted, and while Nermal has eased up a little, it is hinted that he has become Doc Boy’s “Garfield” which makes Garfield for the first time ever, finds Nermal cute for it.

4- Jon gets to know Liz’s parents and Garfield rethinks his own relationship with Arlene (acceptance). - Nearing the end of the wedding plans, Jon must now get to know Liz’s parents and become accepted by them. It turns out that Liz’s dad is an easy going guy who seems to have a lot in common with Jon while her mom is the stern one who seems to have a lot of Liz’s sarcastic and no nonsense demeanor. She is also a big time zoologist. Meanwhile, Garfield is taking in all of the changes that are going on around them and decides that maybe, change isn’t so bad after all. Namely, maybe it isn’t so bad to love someone other than yourself. This makes him think that instead of just being casual with Arlene yet keeping her at an arm’s length, he decides he wants to go steady with her and officially become boyfriend and girlfriend with her. In the midst of all of this, it turns out that despite how intimidating Liz’s mom has acted towards Jon, she actually always accepted him and thinks he is a good match for her daughter because they balance each other kind of like how her own quirky and socially awkward husband balances himself with her. More importantly, Jon makes Liz happier than any other man she has met before. Once that resolution is made and all of the wedding plans are made, Garfield at long last introduces Arlene to the family indicating that they are officially together. Of course, Jon and Liz being who they are, take an immediate liking to Arlene and agree to take her in meaning that she is also not part of the household too. At this point, the wedding plans are finally put into place which offers tons of hilarious antics namely the things that go wrong to the things that are over the top. Though at the end, the wedding finally happens and the final scene is of Jon and Liz becoming husband and wife while Garfield thanks the audience for coming this far with them and saying goodbye.

The End

Well, there you have it. This is my fanscript on how Garfield ought to end in the best way possible. What do you all think of it? I would love to hear what you all think. Do you think any of this will happen?

If you have a fan theory, character analysis or anything of a comic media you want me to make an essay for, let me know in my ask section. Also, please give this a like, give me a watch and support me either by Ko-fi or Patreon. Links are in my profile.

Thanks guys and as always, stay safe.

[terrainofheartfelt]

I think it's pretty amazing how much the gossip girl Fandom has changed. From my experience, most of my friends admit they didn't know what they were thinking with Chair when GG was on TV. And now you see this women empowerment movement. It's nice to know I've always been right about supporting DAIR. If only you saw the Fandom when GG was popular lol.

Oh, well for starters, let’s all be glad I wasn’t in the GG fandom while the original show was airing for a lot of reasons. Back then, I was a teenager DEEP into the twilight saga. My myspace page was all about my devotion to Team Edward. I was insufferable, my parents and brother are not on tumblr (thank whatever gods exist) but shoutout to them for loving me & putting up with me at my Peak Fangirl.

But to your point on how the fandom has changed, to put it extremely simply: I think it’s because we’re ten years older now. Most of my beloved gg mutuals are in their 20s like me, and while I can only speak for myself, the distance of my beliefs between when I was a teenager and the person I am now is VAST. My ideas of self, of feminism, of love, of sex, they’ve all evolved drastically over time.

Oh god especially my ideas of sex. My sex ed in high school wasn’t even in school, it was received via my church youth group [horrifying]. Now we don’t have time to unpack ALL of that, but I remember the exercise we did for the idea “just remember you’re having sex with everyone they’ve ever had sex with” (which, sidebar, I’ve always thought is a stupid ass phrase. That’s just not accurate, but I’m getting off topic) and it wasn’t that we were taught abstinence-only, but more like, “now don’t you want to keep this number as low as possible?”

So, between twilight and my religious upbringing, I’ve internalized this idea of “the first person you have sex with should also be the last person you have sex with,” and I think I’m still grappling with undoing that idea in my brain. BUT. bringing this back to GG: this idea permeates a lot of teen soaps in the 2000s, and the romantic fatalism that goes along with that.

I’ve been watching The OC for the first time, and it’s been interesting bc it’s the show the GG showrunners did before GG, so I can kind of see the blueprint for the ideas and characterizations that were really...amped up in Gossip Girl? Like OC is a dramatic-ass show, but it feels more gritty and grounded than Gossip Girl, in which everything feels heightened and elevated and...distanced, I guess? And these two shows are really actually period pieces, they are such snapshots & products of the area in which they were created -- which, carried those views of love and sex as a throughline throughout the course of their shows. (i.e., dan & blair both end up with their respective firsts, bc it’s Destiny. Or something like that).

So, when I first watched the show (I was a freshman in college, the show had just come up on netflix streaming - I still thought I was straight, I was still Christian, I still had yet to take a gender studies course), well - for starters, I was so into the derena endgame, and chair...I wasn’t too invested, but like, it’s not like I wasn’t positive towards it. And I think a lot of that was due to these 00’s media ideas of, what’s the right word...sexual fidelity? And the belief that everyone has One Person, and if they’re ever not with that One Person then those other relationships are fake and false. And derena and chair in the show both followed and affirmed that kind of viewpoint by ending up together.

I should say here that I am not equivocating the relationship dynamics of these separate ships, I’m lumping them together to make a point, but derena =/= chair in my interpretation of the show and of the characters.

Now, I am older and hopefully a little bit wiser, and I believe that romantic love isn’t necessarily destined, but it’s something that’s built, that grows, and a person’s sexual history is not a reflection of their goodness, and that love can change and evolve and it doesn’t have to be romantic or stay romantic to be meaningful. So, when I rewatched the show in my mid-20s, dair was the ship that resonated with me the most. And it still does, which is why I’m here, writin’ fic, and answerin’ tumblr asks from you lovely people.

Also on my rewatch, I read that dan & serena grew out of each other, which is sad, but it happens, and that’s okay. And with chair, all those red flags that 00’s teen soaps gloss over (because they do them for nothing but the Drama, the lasting implications don’t matter, it’s about taking the stakes of the moment as high as possible) I really saw them, and they alarmed me in a way that didn’t alarm over-romanticizing 18-year-old me. That being said, I’m very happy in my little corner of the fandom sandbox, and I’m not looking to argue the virtues of some ships over others or change hearts and minds. I just want to write my silly little stories and maybe have my friends read them :)

I think it’s also important to mention that since GG stopped airing we’ve entered a new wave of feminism, and the MeToo movement arose, and as people of my generation have grown up, we are engaging with the media we grew up in with our evolved/evolving viewpoints, and I think that’s why there appears to be such a change within the fandom. Plus, in the grand vast scheme of history, sex positivity and gender empowerment are SUCH recent things, and in the past ten years, they’ve progressed lightning-fast. Like, remember when I said I began college and I still thought I was straight? Gay marriage was not legal where I was from then. Like, I remember the day Obergefell v. Hodges was decided, and that win was not a guaranteed one. (I was actually studying abroad in Rome at the time, so we American students were running through Italy being like “gay marriage!!!” while the Italians just watched us like “????????”)

You say you’ve always been a dair shipper, and that’s great for you! But I wasn’t. And for me, I am constantly learning and unlearning and relearning, and media (even off the rails CW teen dramas like Gossip Girl) is one of my ways of doing so. Though I will put on my Old Lady Librarian Liz hat for a second and say: if you’re still in school/university, and have the opportunity to take a gender studies course (outside the realm of the internet, bc tumblr is not the be all end all of education), I highly recommend it. I’m still no expert, and I can’t throw any verbatim Judith Butler at you, but engaging with those ideas and the history of gender studies academically gave me a framework for thinking critically that I’ve taken with me. And nothing teaches you humility like wading through Butler jargon.

Thank you so much for this ask, this really got me to think and reminisce and I enjoyed it!

[wombathos]

I really like your take on jgy, and letting himself go in his performance during his "villainous" scene. You mentioned that in Guanyin temple he is purposefully distancing himself from lxc, which is an interpretation I haven't seen before. If anything, jgy seems to be betting on lan xichen to save himself. He prevents him from going to the burial mounds and brings him with him, he appeals to his forgiveness... Where do you think he is distancing himself?

the ask is referencing this post, in which I said “he goes above and beyond in his efforts to pick apart everyone’s relationship even as he’s purposefully distancing himself from lan xichen” in a post about how jin guangyao is playing the villain in guanyin temple. so I wasn’t really precise in that post about a few things which I’m going to dig in now, basic summary below and then more extended discussion under the cut because this got… uh. long, I actually have a lot to say about this sorry

the overarching point here is that his performance and behaviour in guanyin temple isn’t a one-note affair and changes pretty drastically in terms of who is currently in control of the situation (as you’d expect, really) - and this affects both a) how much he’s drinking the villain juice and b) his behaviour towards lan xichen specifically. jgy - as ever - has several competing motivations, goals and fears throughout the whole ordeal of guanyin temple, which affects how he acts as well as what persona he decides to present to other characters. so with lxc as you rightly point out, he absolutely does have scenes where he’s entreating towards him, in part because he’s relying on lxc to help him, but there’s also other scenes where he’s… almost encouraging lxc to think the worst of him, or just acting quite coldly towards him. to get at what’s going on, I think it’s useful to make clear a few distinctions:

so first off I think for this it makes sense to not treat guanyin temple as one uninterrupted stretch - rather you have the run up to guanyin temple (from where wwx/lwj leave to burial mounds and jgy getting ‘injured’ to them going to guanyin temple - here how he treated lxc is really anyone’s guess), followed by,

jgy is in control, the other characters gradually show up and add to his hostage count and he has an unpleasant run in with a mistaken identity tomb but like, generally he’s in charge and thinks he’ll be able to execute his plan (this is a really long one)

lxc gets his spiritual powers back and holds jgy at sword point, the balance of power completely shifts. this is when jgy does most of his confessing, from incest to patricide to miscellaneous crimes and misdemeanours, the whole shebang

jgy takes jin ling hostage, lxc takes su she hostage. this is when jgy thinks he may be able to get away again

jgy’s arm gets chopped off and then it’s a chaotic free for all with wen ning joining in on the fun

everything has calmed down, lxc tends to jgy before stabbing him and watching him die

- followed by guanyin temple aftermath. especially for those first two, I’d say there’s a pretty clear change in behaviour on jgy’s part (afterwards it gets a bit murkier since the phases are also like… shorter), which makes sense because… well, personally I would certainly behave differently if I’m in control with multiple hostages as compared to when someone is pointing a sword at me. and I also think it makes sense to distinguish between the sets of concerns jgy is balancing throughout the guanyin fiasco, which I’m going to broadly delineate as a) practical (anything that has to do with him achieving his material goals) or b) emotional (not as in goals with an emotive component, but specifically his concerns for the emotional wellbeing of himself and others, by which I mean mainly lxc and possibly jin ling a little bit??)

one of the things you mention is jgy keeping lxc from burial mounds and I want to make clear when I spoke of him “distancing himself” from lxc, I didn’t mean he no longer cares about lxc. rather, he’s preparing himself for the end, for the increasing likelihood that lxc’s opinion of him is about to change drastically, fast. the practical concern here is keeping lxc alive, which he does very effectively by keeping him away from burial mounds and then making certain no harm comes to him as a hostage, the emotional one is… well, steeling himself for their likely separation? fearing more rejection from lxc once he hears everything jgy has done? hoping it will be easier if he can just keep playing his role and not wanting to be vulnerable in front of lxc? whatever the case - the argument that he’s ‘distancing himself’ from lxc, as well as the idea of him playing up being the villain, comes with a heavy asterisk:

this is only really true for when he’s in control in guanyin temple. in a nutshell, when the practical aims of ‘staying alive’ and ‘making sure lxc is all right’ and ‘getting the hell out of there’ look like they’re going to be achieved, are in fact still likely and he has concrete control over working towards them, he has a lot more space to act out in accordance to his emotional concerns, whether it’s preparing himself for his imminent separation from lxc or telling jiang cheng what a terrible brother he’s been for, idk, I guess the drama of it all? so in phase (1) of guanyin temple, it’s villainous monologues and barely looking at or talking to lxc, but in phase (2) his position is suddenly way more precarious. emotional distancing is fine and all up until the moment when you’re directly relying on this person to survive and like… at this point he can’t exactly afford for lxc to hate him? topic for another post, this, but in the post you reference I did also mention him enjoying picking apart his hostages’ relationships, which for obvious self-preservation reasons he does a lot less of in (2)

the danger of this interpretation is that it kind of makes it sound like I think that he’s putting on an act in (2) when he’s appealing to lxc and dropping the facade whenever he’s actually in charge, which is a fairly natural interpretation? and I think he’s dropping a facade in those scenes, even if he’s still playing up certain parts of himself and presenting another persona that might be… more honest than some but still not necessarily truthful? okay this is like. messy, but what I’m saying is it’s personas all the way down - and personally I reckon the one he shows to lxc when he’s begging for his life is actually one of the more honest ones. it fits in with a long-running theme of jgy and lxc’s dynamic that jgy shows lxc genuine emotions and vulnerabilities that are absolutely there, but still chooses which ones to show in a way that ends up being… cumulatively dishonest, or at least somewhat manipulative, I guess. at this point he knows that he can’t afford to distance himself from lxc and he confesses to all that because he’s quite right in thinking that this is what’s most likely to convince lxc to spare him, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less true. whereas when he’s in control, he has the choice to reveal certain parts of himself that he usually wouldn’t, but also has the power to hide ones he doesn’t want to show to lxc - because he knows he’s going to lose him

so that’s my general thesis: jgy was playing the villain and emotionally distancing himself from lxc when he could afford to do so from a practical standpoint but does so considerably less when he’s put in a situation where he’s reliant on other characters’ goodwill to keep him alive. he continues caring about lxc throughout and does so right up to his death but would like to prepare both himself and possibly lxc too from the coming separation by creating emotional distance between the two of them. also as with everything jgy does, fear is a huge driver: everything in his life has led him to expect lxc’s rejection once he knows all he has done and because lxc has played such a special role in his life that rejection is a truly terrifying thing. showing your vulnerabilities to anyone is scary even when you aren’t in the sort of situation jgy is in. so anything to avoid confronting it directly, anything to mitigate the pain, would be I imagine very much welcome

but the ask also is about actual examples of when jgy purposefully distances himself from lxc so… see under the cut for that

I’ll just focus on (1) here and do a close-read of their interactions because that’s where I think most of that emotional distancing (and also most of the more outright ‘fun’ villain energy rather than, like, sad villainous confessions), briefly touching on the shift afterwards to provide a contrast. also, let’s start with the run-up to guanyin temple because I think it’s fairly important to offer my best guesses as to what his mindset towards lxc is like going in. jgy taking lxc with him can be read in terms of both the practical ‘well he makes a real good hostage’ plus convenience of ‘he’s not at burial mounds anyway might as well’ as well as the emotional ‘this may be the last time I ever see him’. and yeah it’s probably mostly the former but let’s not forget that the only reason jgy does a pitstop at guanyin temple is to pick up his mum’s corpse, so it isn’t unreasonable to suggest he’s not only acting in terms of sheer rational self-interest in making these decisions

we don’t really know what happens here and how jgy acts towards him - he certainly tricks him and most likely fakes an injury of some sort to catch lxc off guard (which in the book wwx compares to an earlier book-moment where jgy faked suicide to get away from nmj and thinks he might have done something similar again) and manages to a) keep him away from burial mounds and b) either in the same act or later on takes lxc as a hostage (not sure which one it is? like surely it wouldn’t make sense to take lxc hostage if you still think burial mounds might succeed?) - and then they show up at guanyin temple with lxc’s spiritual powers sealed. as lxc says:

I’m ashamed. I got tricked by someone. I fell into a trap and lost all my spiritual energy.

now I don’t want to over-read into this or anything (yes we may be past that) but it did strike me how jgy doesn’t look at lxc when he speaks and doesn’t respond, but does turn to wwx and respond to him after wwx speaks and gives us a solid villainous smile:

I would argue that he finds it a lot easier to engage with wwx, banter a bit, than deal with the horrible messiness that is his relationship with lxc at this point. also… jgy doesn’t refute lxc’s point in any way. even when wwx gives jgy the chance to engage with him instead, he disregards wwx’s words about jgy’s penchant for lying and instead talks to wwx about underestimating him

if he were trying to endear himself to lxc at this point, surely you’d expect him to engage with lxc saying jgy fooled him? he doesn’t try to explain himself, instead he smirks at wwx (incidentally this is why I think jgy spends so much time poking at wwx and jc’s relationship - it’s not that he’s been a secret yunmeng siblings stan all these years but that this is way less personally painful territory for him than engaging with the others in the temple who he’s more personally close with (apart from lwj obviously and wangxian is something jgy did get in a bit of commentary on in the book, but let’s be real lwj is simply not as rewarding a target as jiang cheng is)).

this is pretty much conjecture and analysis based on vibes, but to me lxc and jgy’s behaviour doesn’t suggest they spoke a lot on the journey, or if they did their conversations were painful and most likely short. the only real evidence I have for this is that jgy at the very least didn’t confess to anything he had done, which is why lxc has to interrogate him about it later. also, jgy feels the need to tell lxc that he’s not going to try to remain chief cultivator later on - past deeds and future intentions would be the most natural conversation topics I would think? personally, looking at their coming interactions, I’d suspect that their few exchanges were along the lines of jgy telling lxc not to worry and that he wasn’t going to do anything to him and then… both of them opting out of anything more substantial

the first time he does directly engage with lxc is one that really fascinates me, aka the moment when jin ling arrives. they have this exchange:

Lan Xichen: “Clan Leader Jin, a-Ling is just a child.”

Jin Guangyao: “I know.”

Lan Xichen: “And he’s your nephew.”

Jin Guangyao: “Er-Ge, what are you thinking? Of course, I know he’s a child and my nephew. What did you think I would do to him? Kill him to silence him? A-Ling, did you hear that? If you recklessly run away or make any noises, I might do something scary to you. So you better watch your actions.”

now if I start talking about this scene we’ll be here all night, but for now I’d just like to note that I don’t think jgy is trying to make himself look sympathetic in front of lxc? he’s actually playing into lxc’s worst fears - in reaction to lxc expressing them, sure, and to my eyes covering up a lot of pain over lxc’s suspicion, but still going along with it and letting lxc believe the worst of him (and jin ling… topic for another post). look, he does the smirk:

then there’s this moment where jgy actually addresses lxc without prompting (but, hey, look it’s ‘Zewu-Jun’):

“Zewu-Jun, it’s going to rain. Go inside to take cover.”

this moment was somewhere between funny and bizarre to me, seeing as jgy is very much taking the time to tell his favourite hostage to not get wet. now the book translation I’ve read translates it as follows,

“Zewu-Jun, it’s raining. Let’s take shelter in the temple.”

- which regrettably makes a lot more sense. anyway, still doesn’t really look at lxc (as far as I can tell) -

- and then says “don’t worry” but adds a villainous smirk or two for good measure -

so let’s take that together with another interaction -

“But don’t worry, Er-ge, you know how I’ve always been towards Huaisang. When the time comes, I’ll definitely let you two leave without any harm.”

this is like… the warmest interaction in (1) we get? and again he’s telling him to ‘not worry’, which… another theme throughout is that I do think that for all that jgy avoids actually looking at lxc, he is acutely aware of the latter’s emotional state and is trying to manage it. not necessarily by making him feel good… and part of managing lxc’s emotional state is this increased distance, preparing for the separation of “when the time comes”, but it is also trying to assuage lxc’s fears. of course then that’s followed by this, which is a gut punch all round (including for jgy):

and jgy does this… cross between a smile and a grimace, this slightly resigned expression (he does also look a bit like he’s about to cry)

followed by this:

so yeah it’s… I really like this moment, because jgy is telling him essentially the truth but does so in a cruel way (and it’s obvious it lands with lxc). I can’t really read this moment as anything else than jgy distancing himself from lxc; yes he was somewhat prompted here by lxc, but he isn’t appealing to lxc to regain his trust - he explicitly says that it’s lxc’s choice but also that it doesn’t make any difference (or that lxc can’t do anything about it. whether it matters to jgy is another question). and then he turns to lxc and gives him this look -

and it’s… yeah, personally I read the entire thing as resigned, as well as a little cruel. it’s jgy knowing (or thinking he knows) exactly what lxc thinks of him and playing into that, of barely interacting directly with lxc but when he does enforcing lxc’s worst fears - the whole ‘playing the villain’ thing is nowhere near as blatant as it is with say wwx and jc, but it’s still there, in the interaction with jin ling and this one, in the coldness of it, in how jgy refuses to ask for lxc’s understanding because he isn’t about to admit either wanting or needing it

speaking of jc, when we get to his arrival and jgy starts picking on him, lxc tells him to not listen to jgy -

what can you say but yikes, really (though I do think there’s an interesting running thread of like… lxc looking at jgy and sometimes jgy looking at lxc but not at the same time? it’s like they’re both shying away from facing each other head on). to which jgy responds -

again, it just stands out to me how jgy isn’t refuting anything lxc just said. the words sound kind, but the implication isn’t, right? because the idea was always that lxc knew who jgy really was, unlike what the rest of the world sees him as (like lxc has himself said), and now jgy is identifying himself with the worst parts of what lxc sees - this is the meaning he’s choosing to attach to himself by going “you really understand me”. jgy is as good as telling lxc what understanding him entails, and it’s nothing about the deep bond they share but is instead something as painful as this. it’s less angling for reconciliation and more twisting the knife

back to jgy taunting jc, jgy says “It’s so difficult being your senior brother.” then we get this interaction -

the first part jiang cheng says and we only really get lxc’s heartbroken reaction, because jgy immediately brings the topic back to the yunmeng sibling angst, which he is like… playing for full drama. I actually think this is a nice example where playing the ‘villain’ goes hand in hand with the whole distancing from lxc, because he might be enjoying himself but it’s also very much used as a way to distract from all his own tricky emotional issues? can’t be talking about lxc and jgy’s shattered relationship if they’re instead talking about golden core transferrals, right??

so then there’s the whole jgy injures his hand thing.

I don’t have a whole lot to say to that because jgy’s dealing with other issues and he’s interacting more with su she, though… ouch at that little moment where lxc reaches out, as if by instinct

and when they come across a surprise corpse, it’s again that thing of… lxc looking at jgy, jgy not looking at lxc (he is distracted)

this isn’t really relevant to this post but since I’m already there, just after that you get a similar shot with jin ling:

(actually reminds me of nmj and jgy’s last conversation too) it’s a whole thing

and like… I’d argue it’s one form of creating distance, right? not even looking at him? trying to escape from any of these more emotionally intimate moments? and when it comes to the fratricide charge, again when he actually faces lxc, he’s not trying to garner sympathy. like the jin ling-related “what are you thinking?” or “you can’t do anything about it. right?” moments, it’s jgy shutting down conversations rather than starting them, resisting any chances to explain himself, (”is it necessary to ask” not “I didn’t do it” or even “please understand”)

and then wwx says something and jgy veritably jumps on the opportunity (and shoves poor su she aside in the process) to go over to wwx and monologue him for a bit instead -

this pretty much covers all(?) of their interactions in (1) which… it’s a fair few but it’s not actually all that many? I’m fairly certain jgy talks directly to both wwx and jc more than he does to lxc. their interactions become a lot more frequent from this point onwards - if nothing else, jgy becomes a more willing participant in them when it is in his (practical) interest to do so. but, to summarise, when jgy is actually in control he distances himself from lxc by:

a) avoiding interactions where he possibly can, including by avoiding eye contact and jumping on any chances provided by not-lxc to change the subject

b) not explaining himself to lxc and resisting openings to do so

c) playing into lxc’s worst perceptions of him, including playing the villain in lxc’s direction through coldness or smiles or cutting remarks

I do want to briefly go over the moment where lxc points his sword at jgy because it does illustrate the shift quite nicely. they start out pretty much the same way, jgy mostly talking to wwx and looking away from lxc -

- but that does change -

- and then eventually we get to the actual pleading. but the switch is slow and… it feels like there’s a lot of hesitation on jgy’s part. to me it doesn’t feel like something he wants to do, like he’s still calculating in those initial moments but gradually comes to the realisation that this approach is no longer going to cut it, that he’s going to have to appeal directly to lxc to save him. but then, eventually, he falls to his knees - and it’s quite a gradual motion, he really takes his time with it. are all those shots with lxc’s hand on the hilt of his sword that moves away when jgy falls to his knees implying that he was thinking about killing him?

so. yeah. I could go into more detail about how jgy does directly appeal to lxc in the following phases or what he is going on with him in the lead-up to his death, but that’s a topic for another post. for now, I think I can’t really read his phase (1) interactions in any other way than jgy preparing himself for the fact that this is the end - this is goodbye. jgy is scared of a rejection that is already unfolding; he is trying to shield himself from the pain and goes through a range of defence mechanisms to achieve that. it’s not an unreasonable fear, exactly, because it’s not like lxc reacts positively exactly to the revelations. and if jgy could have had his way, they never would have had this conversation to begin with, for better or for worse. maybe he thinks he’s doing a kindness to lxc, maybe he just doesn’t want to hurt him any more. either way, when he’s enough in control of the situation to allow it, he does his best to not engage with lxc at all. when he does, he does his best to distance himself from lxc - all the while merrily playing the villain with other characters he has less conflicted feelings about. it doesn’t work in the end and jgy ends up having to make himself vulnerable in front of lxc, but it’s a valiant attempt if nothing else

[tarotinapinch]

Pile Two: Lepidolite Tower

1. Soul Gift: What you came here to express and share with the world.

*Child of the Cosmos: The intelligence of the Universe lies within you.

*Lemuria: Creating heaven on Earth. It's happening.

*Get Curious

*Remembrance

You incarnated in this life to help the world remember how to look through life through the innocence and curiosity of a child. When we are younger, life seems so much more colorful, whimsical, and magical. We explore anything that we're curious about without thinking, not letting fear or anxiety get in the way of our quest. We never truly lose this, we are just taught by society that we need to "grow up", see life through a filter that dampens the vibrancy of the world because that's what is deemed "realistic". But this is all untrue. Living in that childlike energy is what will propel you forward in life and help bring you to a happier state of living. You are naturally a very curious person and you probably feel the pull to investigate anything that seems intriguing to you. And you are meant to do so not only for yourself, but so that you can share this knowledge that you have received from the Universe with the rest of the world, which will help raise the collective vibration. Raising the collective vibration, in turn, helps to start creating heaven on earth. This means teaching people to live their most authentic life by staying true to yourself and living your own. Teach others by example. Share the wisdom you learn on your adventures led by curiosity.

2. Karmic Wound: What you came here to heal.

*You're not for Everyone: Embrace your weirdness. Face your true north.

*The Initiation: Rite of passage. Crossing the threshold.

*The Seeker

*Let Your Light Shine

You are learning that you aren't for everyone, even if that might mean your immediate family members or even friends that you've had in your life since childhood. You came here to seek your own unique path and to teach others that they can seek their own as well. You're helping heal the mentality that there is some right of passage that you must cross, or a certain direction that you must follow just because that is the "normal" or "right" thing to do. What even is "normal" or "right"? In society they're nothing but biased ideals and almost everyone's definition of these things is different, so how are we all supposed to fall into one "normal" or "right" area? This is such a situation that is set up for failure from the start. You are healing this wound, the one that tells you that you need to "fit in" in order to be accepted. You are healing this mindset to let your unique light shine bright. This warm energy heals you and those around you. Keep being yourself, no matter how "weird" it may seem to others. Don't let societal or familial constructs prevent you from living your most authentic life.

3. Life Lessons: What you came here to learn.

*Karmic Relationships: Orion Energy. Polarity. Soul growth. Conflict.

*Inner Temple: Devotion. Tune into the portal of your heart.

*The Pillar

*Veisica Piscis

You are here to learn the differences between a karmic relationship and a true soul connection. You might have many of both kinds of these relationships within your life, and while soul connections are of course always preferred, karmic relations are your greatest teachers of important life lessons. One of which is learning just how powerful you are when you stand in your own truth. You have all the strength and willpower you need within yourself, you do not need anyone else to help you stand. You have all the tools, skills, and smarts to learn what you need to in order to achieve any goals you may have in this lifetime. You are here to learn that you aren't one half of a heart looking for your other half. You are whole heart and will be able to love others at full capacity because of this fact. You will attract someone that will also have the capacity to love you fully because they are as wholehearted as you. This will happen for you as soon as you start living for and loving yourself just as you are, flaws and all. When you realize that you are the whole package and are capable of loving yourself honestly first and foremost. When you love your authentic self, you attract true soul connections, whether they be friends or something more. This pure confidence and love also helps to weed out the karmic relations. Anyone who is not happy about you growing spiritually is not meant to stay with you on your journey. Those who are meant to stay will offer nothing but support for you living your best, most honest to yourself life.

4. Current Obstacle: The thing that's challenging you the most.

*You're Not Alone: Isolation. Physical connection. Community.

*Trust Your Path: If you knew you would be supported, what would you do?

*Trust

*Divine Feminine

One of the most challenging things for you right now is trust. You may have had many people have betray your trust, some have even done so on multiple occasions. Because of this you may feel that you are alone or isolated, with no on to turn to because there is no one that you feel deserves the gift of your trust. You may have been burned far too many times. So much so that you are starting to lose faith within your own judgement. But remember what you came here to learn? Karmic relations and what lessons you can take away from them. With the Divine Feminine card popping up, this could mean that you have been wronged by people with feminine energy, leading to a lack of trust with others that hold this same energy, or it could point to a lack of trust within your own Divine Feminine energy. Stated more simply this means that you have lost trust in your own intuition, your inner guiding voice. Whatever the case may be, you are not alone even when you may feel like you are, you always have your guides, your ancestors, your star family, and anyone else that may be on your spiritual team beyond the veil. Also know that you won't stay physically alone forever either. You will start attracting the right people that will reteach you how to trust in others and in yourself as soon as you start clearing the negative deadwood that is dragging you down. Your path is not the wrong one, you are just being shown who is meant for you and who is not. Keep following where you feel called to go. I promise you that following whatever it is that makes you feel happy and fulfilled will never lead you to the wrong destination.

5. Soul Calling: What your soul is calling you toward.

*Star Keeper: Cosmic ancestor. Seed the light by staying grounded.

*Trust the Niggle: What is the niggling feeling trying to tell you?

*The Warrior

*Insight

You are being called to follow your happiness, whatever that may mean to you. You have the support of your ancestors along this journey. You are meant to be a warrior and push beyond the boundaries that your family or society as a whole has tried to put up for you. Those boundaries weren't made or set by you, so why should you adhere to them? Your soul has such insight on where it is that you need to head towards, all you need to do is listen and follow. Don't apologize for breaking boundaries or rules that weren't meant for you. Celebrate the liberation you feel by breaking those walls down and creating your own space to feel safe and accepted for who you are. You are being called to hold onto that inner strength and battle for what you feel is the right thing for you. You're meant to be drastically different from your family, you're meant to break the mold. Go after your happiness with reckless abandon. Make the leap, the Universe will catch you.

6. Guidance Message from your Spiritual Team

*The Tower

*Say Yes. Now is the time to open up and receive. It may be somewhat unnerving but if we are not open to the many good things in life, they might pass us by. Practice saying yes to what you know will stretch you, things you might be a little unsure of. There is abundance all around us, sometimes we just need to make space for it to appear.

*Family

*All is at your fingertips. What has been created by one, can be had by all.

There are great changes on the horizon for you, ones that will shake the entire foundation and crumble the unsteady structures to the ground. This is the perfect time to rebuild from the ground up, build something more sturdy and secure than before. Something that you are more confident in. Say yes to change. Do not resist what is meant for you. There are so many blessings that the Universe wants to give you and all you have to do to receive them is be yourself and let these good changes happen. These are quite possibly changes that will affect your family dynamic, but that is not a bad thing. This will help make that dynamic more healthy for everyone. It will give you a chance to express your boundaries and adhere to them, garnering respect from those around you or teaching them to start to respect themselves and their own boundaries. All of this powerful change and it's right at your fingertips. You have the upper hand in this situation. Take advantage of this opportunity to grow and learn.