#and it’s so hard because it’s 3am and I’m still in work mode

[justascrollingghost]

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[gukyi]

the love project | jjk

summary: from running to mcdonald’s at 3am after a halloween party where the two of you dressed up as the teletubbies to timing how long it takes for him to drink a cup of monster mixed with mountain dew and iced coffee and then do fifty push-ups, you’re used to your best friend jungkook asking you to do all sorts of crazy things. but, of all the shit the two of you do, letting him follow you around for a week with a camera and take candid photos of you for a photography assignment might just be the craziest of them all.

{college!au, friends to lovers!au}

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader genre: fluff, comedy word count: 12k warnings: college antics, hopeless pining, slow burn a/n: me: this fic will be 10k max! also me: actually nevermind on par for the course of this blog, i hope you enjoy this fic! it was so much fun to write and it definitely got me back into the ~writing mood~. more fics coming soon!

These days, the weeks pass you by like trains on a platform. They whiz past you, the only discernible features being the beginning and the end of them, with the middle nothing but a blur. 

At least, that’s how it feels when you’re in college, and the days bleed into weeks bleed into months, and suddenly you’re one year closer to graduating, one year closer to figuring out what next to do with your life, even if you’re still missing that one general education requirement you forgot to take in your first year so now you’re trying to cram it into your schedule at the last minute.

Okay, you’ll admit it. Introduction to Astronomy is kicking your ass. That’s what you get for putting it off until junior year, when you’re supposed to have reached the point in your History major career where you don’t have to look at numbers anymore and the idea of doing basic math is absolutely unfathomable. History majors don’t do math. They just don’t. It vanished from your academic arsenal long before now, alongside your ability to interpret word problems and understand science textbooks. 

Perhaps in another universe, you would have actually retained those skills past high school, but that universe is not this one, and so your problem sets can solve themselves or not be solved at all. 

Your best friend would have to disagree.

“It’s not even calculus!” Jungkook exclaims over a mouthful of a Starbucks tomato and pesto panini, pointing to your laptop in exasperation, as if the answer has been staring you in the face for the past fifteen minutes. “It’s just algebra! All you’re doing is plugging the numbers into the formula and finding the missing variable!”

“Easy for you to say,” you huff, furiously erasing at the notebook in front of you as you get yet another incorrect answer. Who knew math could be so difficult? Oh, that’s right. You did. “You took that advanced differential equations class for fun last year. It’s not even required for your major. You’re just a masochist.”

“Says the person who convinced their advisor to let them take seven classes because they, and I quote, ‘all seemed so interesting’ and you ‘didn’t want to miss out.’” Jungkook rebukes pointedly. “Because your life would be so terrible if you didn’t take Economic History of Pre-Industrialized Europe.”

He’s got you there. Seven classes is a lot. In your defense, Economic History of Pre-Industrialized Europe was very interesting and you got a 4.0 that semester. So who is he to judge? Jungkook’s favorite pastime is pretending that taking three different computer science classes in a single semester isn’t going to single-handedly kill him.

Jungkook watches you struggle for a few moments more before he sighs, like he can’t take looking at someone so mathematically incompetent any longer. He stuffs the remaining third of his Starbucks panini into his mouth all at once like the ravenous beast he is before he reaches over the tiny table you’re sat at to look at your problem set himself. He turns your laptop towards him and grabs hold of your notebook, furrowing his eyebrows as he enters Work Jungkook Mode. 

Work Jungkook Mode is the mode of him you see most often during finals week or the rare occasions where you meet up to actually try and get work done. Work Jungkook has tunnel vision for whatever assignment is currently in front of him, which he will do either in one sitting or die trying. Work Jungkook lets his coffee get cold and forgets to answer your text messages, even when you’re sat right across from him and you know that he can see the notification on his laptop. Work Jungkook refuses to turn in anything that he hasn’t devoted his entire being to, even if it’s something as simple as a discussion board post. Some of his other friends say that when Jungkook is in Work Jungkook Mode, they won’t even try to contact him, lest their messages get lost in the flurry of his coding assignments. 

But you are not “some of his other friends.” You are his best friend. So rules do not apply to you. And Jungkook has long accepted that fact.

“Hey, don’t mess up my work—” You exclaim defensively, grabby hands reaching over the table to retrieve your notebook. “Wait, how did you do that?”

Jungkook scribbles something down in nearly-illegible font, determined to solve the problem in front of him. He thinks for a few more seconds before eventually jotting down an answer, circling it with his pencil. Holding the notebook out so both of you can see, he scoots his chair over to your side of the table, your shoulders pressed together in this tiny corner of the Starbucks, right by the bathroom, and explains, step by step, what he did. 

He does that for the following two problems in your set, walking you through the kind of math he was doing in freshman year of high school like it’s nothing, answering all of your stupid questions and giving you tips on how to finesse the system by taking as many shortcuts as possible. Teaching you things you never learned, or possibly had just forgotten. Things that a professor would think is idiotic to re-teach to a junior in university. Things that Jungkook wants you to know because he just wants you to have a little more faith in yourself. 

“Does that help?” He asks when he’s finished, still doubting his fantastic teaching abilities despite the fact that he just taught you more in the last thirty minutes than your professor has managed in a month and a half. 

“It actually does,” you tell him, pleasantly surprised. Looking back down at your notebook, what was once a shapeless blur of numbers, letters, and formulas is suddenly a clear and organized outline of each and every step to follow. “I didn’t know it was that easy.”

“Anything can be easy if you just commit yourself to learning how to do it,” Jungkook says, one of those random sentences that are too wise for a college student surviving off of RedBull and Starbucks food, the ones that always make you think Jungkook is secretly an immortal sage with life experiences far beyond your own. “Except coding. Which is hard no matter how good you are at it.”

“Aw, you can do it,” you rally, reaching up to pinch his chin in between your fingers and squeeze it tight. “It’s also too late to change your major now, so you’re stuck.”

“Wow, thanks for the encouragement,” Jungkook chides, hand coming up to rub at where you held his jaw, rolling his eyes. “You should let me help you with your Astronomy work more often. Gives me a break from Python.”

“I would have made you help me whether you liked it or not,” you tell him pointedly, because he is your best friend and he doesn’t get out of things as easily as he thinks he can. “But thanks. I’ll definitely take you up on that.”

“Of course,” Jungkook says with a good-natured grin, always so selfless and kind and giving. He practically signed himself up for a semester’s worth of TA-ing for Introduction to Astronomy despite the constant mountain of work he has himself. Just because it’s you. 

“My very own personal genius,” you muse, wrapping your hands around his arm and snuggling into his body, a whisper of a language only the two of you share. It’s something the two of you have long gotten used to, pressing your fingers all over each other’s bodies like it’s second nature. One of the things that makes you feel so certain about having Jungkook in your life. About wanting him to stay with you for the rest of time. “I’m never letting you go.”

Jungkook smiles, a warm hand coming to rest atop of your own. He breathes, in and out, chest rising beneath your touch. “Like I’d ever let you,” he says.

There is no question about it. Jungkook is one hundred percent, absolutely, undoubtedly, positively, indisputably smarter than you are. It’s something that the two of you used to jokingly fight about (because Jungkook claims that he’s a bad essay writer, even though he’s not), but at this point it’s cemented in stone—he’s a damn genius. A genius who is inexplicably good at everything. A double threat. Triple, if you count the fact that he’s built beyond belief and could probably chuck you into next week if you really, really ticked him off. 

The truth is that, ninety percent of the time it is you who is going to Jungkook for help. Whether it be an assignment you need assistance on (namely Astronomy, because Jungkook probably couldn’t help you on your Mesopotamian artifact and primary source analyses despite his best intentions), a date that was a lot worse than you were hoping it would be, or even just the right coffee to order from that expensive place on the corner. Jungkook knows how to fix everything. 

So when Jungkook slides into the seat across from you in the food court after his Mastering Photography class with that I’m in trouble look on his face, you know something is horribly wrong. 

“Are you alright?” You ask, concerned as you watch him devour the sushi takeout in front of him, stuffing the spicy tuna rolls into his mouth like they’re Skittles. His camera hangs haphazardly out of his open backpack, like he barely had enough time to stuff it into the pocket while he was making his way here. There’s a worried expression written all over his face as he fumbles with the chopsticks in his hand, losing his grip on them every ten seconds. 

It’s not until Jungkook has finished the container of spicy tuna rolls in front of them that he finally seems to work up the courage to answer you. 

“My Photography class is gonna be the death of me,” Jungkook exclaims, exasperated. 

“I thought you liked it,” you comment unhelpfully. Jungkook had been so excited to be enrolled in it, because you needed a recommendation from a different professor and you had to submit a portfolio in order to join the class, making it one of those exclusive (and thus, much better) courses. Not to mention the fact that Jungkook is basically already a professional photographer if his Instagram is anything to go by. He’s going to walk out of university with a Photography minor whether he realizes it or not.

“I do,” Jungkook insists, even if right now it sounds like the two of you both need convincing of that fact. “But this project is ridiculous. I don’t even know how my professor expects us to have the time to finish it.”

“What do you have to do?”

Jungkook sighs. Just thinking about it seems to stress him out. “I mean, it’s only really a week long. So I guess it’s not too bad. But we’re supposed to compile a portfolio of the same subject, taken over the course of the week, with them in all sorts of different poses and lighting and locations, to express a personal theme.”

You scrunch your nose up in confusion. “I might be wrong, but isn’t that what photography… is?” You ask cluelessly. 

“Yes,” Jungkook argues, “but also no. Photography is taking pictures of things just for the hell of it. Not because they necessarily speak to a part of your soul. You just like the look of it. You want to capture the scene. That’s it.”

“Oh,” You say dumbly. 

“And our subject can be whoever or whatever we want, but he recommended choosing a person because taking pictures of our water bottles in different places is boring,” Jungkook huffs, though his professor does have a point there. Modern history wasn’t made out of photographs of store windows and miscellaneous items. It was made out of people, out of events in their lives that shaped the rest of the world, out of personal experiences that changed their point of view. “But I don’t even know anybody who would be willing to let me photograph them for a whole week! I’d basically have to follow them around like paparazzi!”

“I’ll do it,” you suggest casually, because it seems like the most obvious choice to you. There’s no one Jungkook spends as much time with as you. 

Jungkook’s eyes pop out of his head. “What?”

“I’m serious,” you insist. “Think about it. You need a subject for your project that you can photograph in a wide variety of places and over the course of a week. Who else do you spend that much time with, other than me?”

“Well..” Jungkook begins, trying to fight your reasons with his own. “Would you even be comfortable with something like that? I mean, I’m literally going to constantly be taking photos of you.”

“Like we don’t already do that on our phones,” you tease, having amassed quite the album of terrible Jungkook pictures over the years. 

“A camera is different from a phone,” Jungkook protests weakly. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I’m just saying. It won’t bother me,” you say with a shrug. Why is Jungkook being so… weird about your suggestion? You thought he would be jumping at the offer, especially considering it means he won’t have to go out of his way to find and photograph someone else for this assignment. But he’s being rather hesitant. You watch as he glares down at his empty sushi takeout box, eyebrows furrowed in that thick, nervous way. “But you don’t have to,” you backtrack. “It was just a suggestion.”

He breathes in and breathes out, expression solid. Even from here you can see the cogs whirring in his brain, placing each and every potential result into a pro and con list inside his mind, trying to work out whether the benefits will be greater than the cost. 

Quite frankly, you don’t know what all the holdup is about. 

“You’re… sure about this?” He asks, looking up at you, determined to ensure your comfort. As if that’s even an issue. “You’re cool with being photographed and everything?”

“Only because it’s you,” you tease lightheartedly, expecting some sort of equally cheesy response. Instead, it makes Jungkook do something weird. He freezes in place, darting his eyes away from your gaze for a split second, collecting thoughts you can’t see. “Yeah,” you say loudly, trying to bring him back. “I’m fine with it.”

He inhales, exhales, closes his eyes, and opens them. “Okay then. I guess it’s settled. You’ll be my subject,” he declares, an almost unnoticeable wobble to his voice. It’s probably nothing, so you don’t think too hard about it.

“Can you at least pretend to be a little more excited about this?” You ask, jabbing him in the chest with a wooden chopstick. “It’s the first time we’ve ever gotten to be part of a project together!”

“Yay,” Jungkook says, lifeless. 

“How about a photo to commemorate it?” You suggest, reaching over to pull the camera out of his backpack, pushing it into his hands. “This can be the start of your portfolio.”

“Fine,” he eventually caves, bringing it up to his eye as he turns it on, twisting the lens to perfect the focus. Even caught off guard like this, he looks like a professional, like someone who was born to be behind the camera. He’s a computer science major but you know that photography will always be something special to him.

You strike a dramatic pose, holding your chopsticks out, one in each hand, with a wide, excited smile on your face. “How do I look?” You ask, scrunching your eyes together. 

Jungkook’s finger hovers over the silver button. “Perfect,” he tells you, voice soft and honest. 

Click.

“So, how many photos are you supposed to take for this portfolio?” You ask as you flop around on Jungkook’s bed, pretending that the open tab on your laptop with your fifty-page reading doesn’t exist. You don’t even know why professors assign readings that long. Do they really expect you to read all of it?

From across his room, you can make out the top of Jungkook’s fluffy brown hair over his sleek gaming chair, one of the ones that look like high-tech airplane seats. “I don’t know,” he says. “He said at least twenty. And no more than fifty. Which really makes me wonder if someone once submitted like, one hundred photos for this project that he had to grade them on. But yeah.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” you say. When you’re around a cute animal, you can easily take twenty photographs. Granted, they aren’t exactly award-worthy photographs, but it’s not a physically demanding task. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook says. “Hypothetically you could finish it in a day. But it looks really obvious.”

“Well, how many do you have now?”

It’s been a day and a half since Jungkook agreed to let you be his so-called muse, but already you’ve lost track of how many photos he’s taken of you. He loves his camera, you know that, but you didn’t realize exactly how much he loves his camera. And with you as the sole subject for his project, he’s practically letting it hang from his neck all day long, just waiting for the right time to snap a photo of you standing in line at the food court, frowning at your textbook, or waiting to meet up with him. Every time he sees you he snaps a picture, even if the lighting’s bad, even if you haven’t had your morning coffee yet, even if it’s midnight and you look like a zombie. In his mind, there are no bad pictures. Just memories.

You wonder what the hell he sees in you. 

“A lot,” Jungkook answers unhelpfully, making no effort to elaborate on that statement. 

“Have you counted?” You ask, getting off of his bed to join him at his desk. 

Jungkook doesn’t seem to realize what you’re doing until you’re standing right next to him, placing a hand over his shoulders as you lean down next to him. He fumbles around for a second, the mouse slipping through his grip, and you catch a glimpse of one of the photos he’s taken of you, a sliver of your pursed lips, the wrinkles between your eyebrows. 

It’s from the library yesterday. You didn’t even know Jungkook had taken a picture of you there. You had a stupid reading to complete last night, one that made no sense and was terribly-written, and you spent an hour just trying to figure out what the damn argument was, and Jungkook captured it. You were there for an hour and Jungkook was there too, watching you like it was nothing, waiting for the perfect moment. He was there, sitting across from you, camera at the ready. You didn’t even hear it click. 

He closes it before you get a closer look at the photo, frantically hitting the little red dot at the top corner of the window before you have a chance to ask why. 

“What, I’m not allowed to see?” You chide, a little bit hurt but more confused than anything else. Why is Jungkook being so secretive?

“No,” Jungkook spits quickly. making you raise an eyebrow in alarm. “I mean, it’s a surprise. You get to see when it’s finished. I still have to… uh, edit. And stuff.”

“Edit? You think I’m that ugly?” You tease, knowing that he probably means color correction but enjoying the way that he gets all flustered when he hears your voice.

Jungkook’s eyes widen at that, like he just realized he made a wrong turn and is desperately backtracking. “What, no! I don’t—I don’t think you’re ugly.”

You laugh, letting the sound of your voice ease the tension in his shoulders, reveling in the way his big doe eyes seem to soften when he realizes you were just teasing. He looks like a kid caught stealing a candy bar from a gas station, looks like one of those boyfriends in the viral videos where the girl reveals that she got him a present or something instead, all nervous and full of explanations. 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” you assure him, rubbing up and down his arm to soothe him, calm his heart down. “You don’t have to show me. I’m just excited. No one’s ever taken photos of me like this before.”

“I would,” Jungkook speaks up softly. “If you asked. I would.”

“I know,” You say. You’re not sure if there’s a thing in this world Jungkook wouldn’t do for you, and you, him. If he asked, you would pluck the stars from the sky for him. Bring him back a piece of the moon. Stop time. Anything. Everything. Just for him. “I know.”

 “What are you doing?” Jungkook asks, changing the topic as he whirls around in his gaming chair. 

“Just another reading, like always,” you dismiss, because you’re positive the last thing Jungkook wants to hear about right now is your primary source reading on irrigation techniques in agrarian Europe. You don’t even want to hear about it. “But I could use some help on Astronomy.”

Without another word, Jungkook gets up from his desk and the two of you head over to his bed, where an untouched problem set waits on your computer. He grabs a notebook from his backpack along the way before sitting down next to you on the edge of his bed, bodies pressed together. Slowly, he begins to coach you through each problem, step by step, drawing pictures and diagrams if he has to, until you finish all ten problems. 

The truth is, you didn’t really need help with this unit. Astronomy’s gotten a lot easier now that Jungkook has taught you the strategies to tackle it. But Jungkook sometimes feels like a ghost when he works, especially when he’s sitting at his desk, quiet and focused and almost invisible. And call you clingy, but you like it when you can look up and see his face instead of the back of a chair, a little tuft of wavy brown hair. You like it when he’s right beside you, in a place where you know you won’t lose him, where you can hold on if things get rough. Where you can see his stupid brown eyes and his goofy smile and know that he’ll always be there for you. 

When he’s finished, Jungkook doesn’t get back up to sit at his desk. He flops down on his back, staring up at the white ceiling of his room, eyes tracing the cracks. You join him, side by side, pretending that there’s something there. Looking up at the sky would be nicer, but it doesn’t really matter, so long as you’re with him.

“I didn’t know you took so many photos,” you say.

“I never want to miss anything.”

“You should give me more warnings, next time. I feel like I look so ugly in some of them.”

“No, you don’t. Don’t say stuff like that.”

“You don’t think I’m ugly?” You ask him, for real this time. It’s not that you think he’s going to say that he does, it’s that you want to know what he really thinks. How he really sees you. You turn your head to him, back pressed against his comforter, barely a foot apart. And he turns back to you, and he’s right there, right there in front of you, big brown eyes wide and blinking. He’s right there, how could you miss him?

“No,” Jungkook says, honest and true. He looks at you, looks right at you, right into you, and he muses to himself, chuckling. “Why would I ever think that?”

At the end of the day, you can’t really be bothered to put on real pants in anticipation of Jungkook’s trigger-happy camera-taking tendencies. He’s seen you spill a boiling hot bowl of tomato soup all over yourself in the dining hall. He’s seen you at four in the morning in the library the night before finals begin, eyebags down to your knees and mismatched shoes on your feet. He’s seen you in the middle of a frat house, sweat dripping down your forehead and smelling of nothing but straight alcohol. Getting dressed up just for him would be antithetical to the very foundation of your friendship. 

You have, however, become keenly more cognizant in the last few days of when Jungkook is about to take a photo of you. Mostly because you glance up at your surroundings every three seconds to make sure you aren’t getting sniped from across the food court. Nobody else needs to see a picture of you picking up three pieces of sushi with your chopsticks and stuffing them all into your mouth at once. And, from what you can tell, you’ve been pretty successful, which either means you’ve gotten better at telling when Jungkook might be taking a photo of you, or Jungkook’s gotten better at hiding it. 

Either way, he’s got a lot more pictures of you reflexively flashing a peace-sign in his direction when you hear the telltale sound of his camera lens focusing, so you’re not really sure what that means for the fate of his portfolio. 

Besides your newfound hyper-awareness of the sound of a camera lens adjusting, the strangest part of you and Jungkook’s little project is how quickly the rest of your friends adjusted to this brand new dynamic. 

This is not to say this assignment is the weirdest thing you and Jungkook have done together, because there was once one week where you and Jungkook challenged each other to only eat bananas for every meal to see if anything would happen to either of you. Nothing did, but after that week you swore off bananas for the rest of your life and have had little appetite for them since. 

It’s more that your other friends have just accepted the fact that ridiculous, extravagant shenanigans are a necessary part of you and Jungkook’s relationship and have simply chosen not to question them anymore. At least, most of them have. 

“So, how’s you and Jungkook’s little photography fling going?” Maisie asks, and even through the phone you can hear the way she’s wiggling her eyebrows. 

“It’s not a fling, and it’s fine,” you hiss back, trying to keep your voice down as you pack up your belongings, phone pressed between your ear and your shoulder. “Stop speaking so loudly, everyone else in the library can probably hear you.”

“Good, because they’ve all probably noticed the way Jungkook’s been following you around like an unrestrained fanboy for the past four days taking pictures of you,” Maisie says pointedly, voice so sharp it causes you to look around at the other tables to make sure no one’s listening in. 

You frown, hoping your deadpan expression is audible through the phone. “It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Don’t you think it’s even a little strange that you’ve given Jungkook full permission to take photos of you like you’re a model and he’s some sort of weird, professional paparazzi?” You can practically see Maisie’s face in front of you, all wide eyes and raised eyebrows as she makes her point.

“No, it’s what we agreed on,” you remind her for the umpteenth time. There’s nothing weird about this. You’re helping him with a project, what more could it be? “Jungkook needed someone to take pictures of for his photography project and I thought it would be a good idea if I was that someone.”

“Hmm… wonder why…” Maisie trails off, deliberately vague and suggestive all at once. 

“You’ve been going on about this ever since Jungkook and I met, Maise,” you say with a roll of your eyes, tossing your backpack over your shoulder. “You know that Jungkook and I are just friends. Like we have always been.”

“Friends that take candid photos of each other under the guise of a project,” Maisie adds, and you can see the air quotes around the word “project” right in front of you.

“Friends that help each other out because that’s what friends do,” you correct. “You’re just going to have to accept the fact that Jungkook and I are always going to be just friends and nothing more. No matter how much money you’ve bet on us getting together.”

Maisie gasps. “I have not bet money on such a thing! This is slander!”

“Don’t think I don’t see you and Jimin’s damn Venmo history.” You pull up to the front desk of the library to check out a primary source book needed for one of your classes. It’s the first edition, and it’s battered beyond belief, but it’s better than paying for it. “Just this, thanks.”

“The only way you could convince me that you and Jungkook are just friends is if you go on a date or something,” Maisie comments snidely. “I don’t think I’ve seen either of you romantically interested in someone else the entire time you’ve known each other. Isn’t that proof enough?”

“You want me to go on a date with someone?” You demand, determined to get Maisie to hop off your ass about this. 

You and Jungkook are just friends. If swiping right with someone on Tinder and getting dinner and a movie with them is what will convince Maisie of that, then that is what you will do. It’s not as if being friends with Jungkook is mutually exclusive with you going out with other people. Should be easy, right? 

The boy behind the counter tells you your book is due back at the end of the semester, and you nod your thanks before heading out of the library.

“Fine, I’ll go on a date with someone. If it’ll get you to stop trying to convince me that Jungkook and I are gonna get married and have babies,” you declare, pushing your body against the door handles as you leave, five minutes to spare before your next class begins. 

“You guys would have really cute babies, I’m just saying,” Maisie points out like it’s nothing. 

You roll your eyes, taking the phone away from your ear as your finger hovers over the red button. “See you, Maise.”

You’re barely three steps out of the library, still rolling your eyes at the Call Ended screen on your phone when a voice catches your attention. 

“Y/N!”

You turn your head just in time to see Jungkook’s devilish grin disappear behind his camera, and you don’t even have time to blink before he begins snapping away, finger mashing the silver button at the top as your expression morphs from surprise to defeat, unable to counter his sniping abilities with a signature peace sign. Even from twenty feet away, you can hear Jungkook laughing as you take the opportunity to pose for a few moments, like you really are a model and he really is your personal photographer. The sound of his giggles fills the air, music to your ears, lingering between you like dandelion wisps, blown by the wind. 

Another voice breaks you from your trance. 

“And here we have our resident celebrity and her paparazzi,” Jimin says, motioning to the two of you as he speaks to an enormous tour group of potential applicants and their parents. Caught in front of them, the heat suddenly rushes to your cheeks as you instinctively cover your face, embarrassed to have been pointed out by Jimin, whose amicable, lovable personality is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to his part-time job as a tour guide. 

The worst part is how some of the parents and students seem to believe him for a second, that you really are famous and that Jungkook really is your photographer, looking at the two of you inquisitively as you shrink beneath their gazes. 

“I’m kidding,” Jimin quickly continues as Jungkook joins you where you stand, laughing at the way you look like a deer caught in headlights. “They’re just some friends of mine who we happened to catch outside the library, which is our next stop. But don’t they look so cute together?”

“Are you guys dating?” One of the students pipes up, asking what no one else dared to. 

Your eyes widen at the notion, wondering if you and Jungkook really are cursed to always be mistaken for a couple when you two have never been, and most likely will never be one. Shaking your head, you force out a laugh, “No, we’re just friends.” Beside you, Jungkook is noticeably silent. You suppose he’s gotten just as sick of explaining as you. 

“Bummer, right?” Jimin asks his group, earning a couple of disappointed nods from innocent high-schoolers that still believe in love. “But I’m working on that, so don’t worry. Anyway, this library will be your main destination for studying, book-reading, and everything in between, and is conveniently located two minutes away from the freshman dorms…”

The conversation finally drawn away from you and Jungkook, you let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you had been holding in. “Weird, right? Even high-schoolers think we’re together.”

Jungkook doesn’t meet your eyes, fiddling with the settings on his camera just to keep his hands busy. The quiet makes you wonder what is going on up inside his head, makes you wonder what it is he’s thinking about, what it is you’re not seeing. Lately, it’s felt like there’s something on Jungkook’s mind you wish he felt comfortable telling you. 

“Hey, you alright?” You ask, giving him a little nudge with your side. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” Jungkook says, voice soft, barely audible. It doesn’t make you feel any better. “No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Don’t you have class soon?”

“Oh, shit, you’re right, fuck,” you say, checking your phone only to find you have barely a minute to get to your next class. Guess you’ll be using one of your allotted absences today. “Thanks for reminding me. Dinner tonight?”

“I’ll text you,” Jungkook promises, and you nod your agreement as you dash off, determined to turn a five-minute walk into a one-minute one with the power of exercise. As you leave, you watch as Jungkook flounders outside the library, staring down at his camera and scrolling through his photos, and you still find yourself feeling like you’re missing something. What is Jungkook not telling you? 

What do you not know?

By the time you reach your class, two minutes late and completely out of breath, tardiness is the last thing on your mind.

This project was just meant to be a friend helping out a friend. So why does it feel like you and Jungkook are losing each other?

Using Tinder is easy. Dangerously so.

You’re no expert in app design, but its simplified “yes or no” mechanic has you swiping through people like it’s an extreme sport, barely giving some of them a second glance if their Tinder profile description doesn’t make you laugh within the first sentence. 

Tinder was, admittedly, not your first choice of potential date-finding methods. Call you old-fashioned, but whatever happened to asking someone in person if they wanted to get a meal with you? To showing up at their doorstep with a rose bouquet and a toothy white grin? Perhaps all of those old-timey movies you and Jungkook always watched have given you unrealistic expectations. But can you blame them? 

Even if Tinder wasn’t your first choice, it was certainly the fastest. It takes a second to look at someone’s designated Tinder thumbnail, two to read their description, and three to decide if they’re worth a swipe right. Compare that to actively meeting up with someone, getting their contact information, and then continuing to dance around each other until you finally decide to get dinner together. That’s the sort of thing that could take weeks. Maybe months. And in some cases, years.

Besides, it’s not like you had very many options at your disposal. You don’t trust Maisie to set you up with someone because she’ll probably just choose one of the many boys from her management class and call it a day. Asking someone yourself is absolutely out of the question. And, for some strange, unknown reason, the idea of getting Jungkook to hook you up with one of his friends just doesn’t sit right with you.

So, Tinder it is. And as it turns out, chivalry isn’t dead. It’s just archaic.

An hour into your mindless swiping, you get a message notification. Two hours after that, you’ve got plans with a nice senior boy whom you’ve never met. 

And for the first time in a very long time, there’s something to mark on your calendar for Saturday night.

The little blue block on your Google Calendar tab stares back at you from where your open laptop sits on your desk, the red line that signifies your current time slowly inching towards it as you fumble around in front of your mirror, more dressed up than you have been in weeks. Maisie was right. It’s been so long since you’ve gone out with someone that you’ve completely forgotten what the dress code is for something like this. A dress? Heels? Makeup?

You don’t want to overshoot it, but part of you thinks you will anyway. What if he’s wearing a hoodie and sweats while you look like you’re about to attend the goddamn Academy Awards? Maybe the eyeshadow was a little too much.

You don’t want to overshoot it, but part of you thinks it’s inevitable that you do. The door to your apartment swings open, and you can hear heavy footsteps making their way to your bedroom, that easy gait of his familiar as always.

“Hey, do you think we can just get some take-out and watch a stupid old noir movie, or something? I’ve had a day,” he shouts out, the sigh audible in his voice.

You don’t want to overshoot it, but part of you thinks you definitely have when you turn around to see Jungkook standing right outside your bedroom in the floppiest sweater you’ve ever seen and jeans with holes in the knees, mouth agape as he stares straight at you. It’s impossible not to notice the way his eyes are blown wide at the sight of you, at the way they rake up and down your figure, like he can’t even believe what he’s seeing. It’s impossible not to notice how he seems to flounder at the sight of you.

The only thing that breaks the both of you out of your stupors, frozen in place like two criminals caught red-handed, is the sound of his hulking black backpack thudding to the floor. 

“Whoa.”

“Do you think it’s too much?” You ask, voice wobbly. God, why are you so nervous? It’s just Jungkook. 

“Too much for what?” Jungkook blinks, deliberate and slow, as if he’s determined to make sure his eyes aren’t deceiving him. “Where are you going?”

“I think we’ll have to do a raincheck for the noir movie and takeout,” you say sheepishly, pursing your lips together in fright as you force out a small, tense smile. “I’m… going out. With someone.”

“Like,” Jungkook begins, and even from here you can hear the way he stops himself, hear him breathe out every word, thick on his tongue. “On a date?”

“Yeah.”

It’s a one-syllable word and yet it takes nearly all of your willpower just to say it. Just to confirm what Jungkook’s already thinking. Just to tell him, your best friend, your ride or die, your number one, that you’re going out on a date. 

“Oh.” Jungkook’s voice is lifeless. “Do I know them?”

“No, uh, it’s just some guy I met on Tinder. I don’t know, I just wanted to see what all the hype was about, I guess. And I haven’t really been on a date in a while, so I figured I might just take up the opportunity, so we’re probably just going to go out to a restaurant and maybe go to a club afterwards if we’re still in the mood, and—” You cut yourself off, so nervous that you’ve resorted to your terrible habit of rambling to try and ease the tension. “Why? Do you think it’s too much?”

“You use Tinder?” Jungkook asks instead. It sounds like he’s shocked to hear this. 

“Yeah…” you trail off. “Why?”

Jungkook freezes at the question, but it’s not because it seems like he doesn’t have an answer. It’s because it seems like he does. Only it’s an answer he doesn’t want to share. 

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” he eventually settles on, shaking his head. “You, uh, you look good.”

“You think? I feel like it’s a lot. I don’t know how to dress appropriately for stuff like this anymore,” you ask, palms sweaty as you furiously straighten out the skirt of your dress. “Should I change into pants, or anything?”

“No, no, I think that’s fine,” Jungkook says with an honest smile. “You look nice like this.”

“It’s probably been like, a year since you last saw me in a dress,” you comment mindlessly, turning back to face the mirror as you fiddle with your makeup, finger wiping away a bit of smudged lipstick or a stray bit of mascara. “I miss my sweats. Hey, whoa, wait, what are you doing—?”

You whip around to find Jungkook slowly fishing out the camera from his backpack, hand gripping it tightly as he brandishes it in front of you. 

“I, um, I just wanted to see if I could maybe take a photo of you,” Jungkook says, a small, little grin decorating his features. “Since you’re all dressed up.”

“Seriously?” You ask in disbelief. 

Jungkook nods, holding the camera out in front of him. “Just one.”

He looks so small, standing across your bedroom. He looks so small and delicate and intimate, body curled in on itself ever so slightly as he looks at you, the yellow glow of your ceiling light reflected in his hazelnut eyes, drowning beneath his clothes. He looks like he has never seen a moment more perfect, never seen an opportunity as clear, looks like he thinks that if he blinks he’ll miss it. 

Looks as if a photo will be the only way to remember it. 

And you nod. Because he is your best friend, and who are you to deny him of something so simple? Of a press of a button? It doesn’t feel like a project anymore. It just feels like a memory. 

Jungkook brings the camera to his eye, and you smile at him, soft and gentle and warm. He grins back, focusing the camera lens before snapping away. 

You wonder what he sees. 

(You wonder if it’s as beautiful as what you see.)

“Have fun tonight, okay?” Jungkook asks of you as your Google Calendar notification sounds, letting you know you have approximately two minutes before he’s supposed to pick you up outside your apartment.

You nod. “I will. And if I don’t, then I’ll come over afterwards. And we can watch that stupid noir film.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Jungkook says with a roll of his eyes, a shrug of his shoulders. 

“But I want to. So I will. Okay? I’ll text you,” you promise. “Don’t think I’ll forget about you.”

Jungkook smiles at your little tease, at the way you cup the side of his jaw with your hand as you head towards your front door. 

“Wait, Y/N,” Jungkook sputters out, running after you. He reaches you right as you get to the door, hand grasping the doorknob. You turn to look at him, blinking. “I hope tonight is everything you dreamed of.”

There is something so distinctly sad in his voice. It makes you wonder who has broken his heart. Makes you wonder what you can do to fix it.

“Even if it’s not,” you say to him, taking his hand in your own and squeezing it tight, reminding him that, no matter what, you’re still here. “I know you’ll always be there to take care of me afterwards.”

Your phone buzzes with a message from your date, and you scurry out the door. 

For some reason, there’s a part of you that wishes you never even left. 

The date is okay. Not bad, but nothing to write home about. By the time you finished eating, it was obvious neither of you had any interest in continuing the night elsewhere, whether it be a club or a karaoke bar. He pays for your meal despite your insistence that you can handle the check perfectly fine on your own, thanks you for a nice night, and drops you right back at your apartment. And so goes your one and only Tinder experience, blowing away like a leaf in the wind. 

You look down at your phone. It isn’t even nine o’clock yet. 

[November 7th, 8:48PM]

You: you still game for that movie?

[November 7th, 8:50PM]

Jungkook: you finished your date already?

You: is that a yes or a no

Jungkook: my door is always open, you know that

You: you’re gonna get robbed one day and it’s gonna be by me You: i’m coming over

The walk from your apartment to Jungkook’s is six minutes and thirty seconds on a good day, and seven minutes and fifteen seconds on a bad day, which is usually dependent on if the traffic light over the main road has decided to be extra slow or not. You could walk the damn route in your sleep if you really wanted, having done it so many times in the last year and a half, ever since he moved out of on-campus housing and into his own place.

Tonight, it takes you nearly eight minutes to get to his apartment, but you mostly chalk that up to the heels you’re wearing. If you cared any less about your dignity, you’d probably take them off and walk barefoot like a defeated heroine in a romance movie, shoes dangling from your fingers as they hang low by your side. 

But you aren’t defeated. You didn’t have the world’s most spectacular date, but the night isn’t over just yet. 

Jungkook’s waiting at his front door by the time you arrive. 

“Eight minutes, huh? You’re getting old,” he asks snidely, looking down at the invisible watch on his wrist. 

“Your counting is just off,” you retort easily, falling into that same friendly rhythm, that familiar little beat that the two of you share. You push past him and into his apartment, instantly feeling more at home, shoulders sinking and heartbeat soothing as you soak in the scent of his room, of his home, of him. 

“How’d it go?” Jungkook asks, eyes hopeful as they watch you tug off your heels. They were hardly three inches tall and yet you still want nothing to do with them. 

You shrug. “Eh. It was okay.”

“Just okay?” Jungkook asks, sounding seriously upset for you. Upset that you didn’t have a good night even after you promised him that you would. Upset that it didn’t turn out to be everything you wanted. 

“I don’t know,” you admit, looking over at him, dejected. “It just—I just had this feeling that it wasn’t going to work out.”

Jungkook scowls to himself, eyebrows furrowing like he’s trying to figure out what exactly you mean by that. And the truth is, you’re not sure either. The date was fine, and he was nice, but even when you first met it felt like you weren’t going to get what you wanted from him. Like you were just going on the date to go on the date. Like you already knew that it would mean nothing. 

Jungkook was going to be waiting for you at the end of the night whether it went amazingly well or terribly bad. And knowing that, strangely enough, almost made you want the date to be horrible. Like it would make seeing Jungkook afterwards that much sweeter. 

“Oh,” Jungkook says lamely. “Well, I’m sorry. It seemed like you were really looking forward to it.”

“It’s alright,” you assure him. “Can we just watch this movie now and make fun of how sexist it is? Please?”

To that, Jungkook easily agrees. As he’s queueing up the movie, you raid his closet for a hoodie and sweatpants, desperate to strip yourself of your dress and tights and cozy up in clothes that are much more appropriate for your comfort level. At this point in your friendship, Jungkook doesn’t even question it when he sees you march into his room, fishing through his closet and drawers for your favorite matching set of his, this grey pair that he’s worn so much it still smells like him even after it’s come right out of the wash. 

He only stares back in awe when he sees you emerge from his bedroom wearing them. 

“Ready?” You ask, breaking him from his resolve.

Jungkook blinks wildly from where he’s seated on his dinky old couch, as if to clear his vision. “What? Oh, yeah, I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Then hurry it up, Mister,” you demand, sitting down next to him and curling into his body. It’s instinctual, at this point, wanting to be close to him. To feel the warmth of his body radiate upon your own. To feel his chest beneath the palm of your hands, his arm wrapped around your side. “All good?” You ask, looking up at him. 

Jungkook looks down at you, and you swear, you’ve never seen him more at home. “Always, when I’m with you.”

The movie is predictably good and predictably sexist, but your favorite part by far is when Jungkook reaches around on the coffee table in front of you for his camera, holding it up to his eye and snatching a picture of the television, the film grainy like an old polaroid, faded like an antique photograph. He clicks away at the scene in front of him before turning on you, the lens so close to your face you’re almost certain all he’ll manage to capture is your nose. You laugh, pushing yourself away from him as he snaps, and snaps, and snaps, image after image after image, until his camera battery has died and there’s no more room left on his card. 

“Guess I’ll have to charge this thing, then,” Jungkook sighs as he declares his camera dead, screen black. 

“You aren’t going to include any of those, are you?” You ask, an eyebrow raised. 

Jungkook shrugs. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Don’t you have enough?” You deadpan, thinking back to the hundreds of photos Jungkook must have taken of you over the past week, and even more that you don’t know about. There’s certainly no shortage of them in his current camera inventory. That’s for sure. 

“Never,” Jungkook says wickedly. He stretches out an open arm, and you don’t have to think twice about falling into it, letting him wrap you up in his hold, curling into his body. 

The black television screen crackles before you, DVD player waiting for Jungkook to turn it off. There’s no need for either of you to look up at each other. Not when you’re strung together like this. Not when you already know exactly where he is. 

“It’s due on Monday, right?” You inquire softly, fatigue slowly overtaking you. 

“Yeah. I’m almost finished, just have to do some curating and editing.”

“I want to see it.”

“What? My project?”

“What else?”

“It’s just a project, it’s not that exciting.”

You pull away from him at that, looking up at him with furrowed brows and scrunched-up nose. “What do you mean ‘it’s not that exciting’? It’s your photography project. You’ve spent a whole week working on it.”

“Yeah, but it’s just you, you know?” Jungkook objects. “Like, you know what you look like. It’s just going to be a bunch of photos of you, like I said it’d be.”

“That’s exactly why I want to see it,” you say like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You took pictures of me for a whole week. Don’t you want to share them with me?”

“If you really want some of the photos, I’ll send you some, but you don’t need to see the whole portfolio, you know? It’s just for my professor,” Jungkook says stiffly, surprisingly resistant. What’s the big deal? It’s not like there will suddenly be new information about you that you didn’t know before. You want to see what Jungkook has been working tirelessly on this entire week. Where’s the harm in that?

“Why are you getting so hung up on this? It’s just photos,” you say with a frown. 

“Why are you getting so hung up on this?” Jungkook challenges back. 

You sigh, sinking back into him, defeated. Even a little disagreement like that is enough to knock the wind out of the both of you, so you decide not to push it much further. 

“Do you promise to show me eventually?” You ask, hopeful.

Jungkook pauses for a moment, and you almost expect him to say no, considering how protective of his work he’s being. “One day,” he declares. “One day, I will.”

And that’s good enough for you. 

You lose track of how much time passes after that, feeling your eyelids getting heavy as the warmth of his body envelopes you, drowsiness settling in. There’s just something about this moment, right here, right now, that makes you want to fall asleep.

You’re on the verge of slumber when Jungkook’s voice breaks through.

“Why didn’t you think your date would work out?”

“I don’t know,” you respond sleepily, barely even opening your eyes. “It just felt wrong.”

“How do you know what feels right?”

Good question. Perhaps if you had the energy, you’d answer it. But right now, all you can think about is how cozy you feel in Jungkook’s hoodie and sweatpants, how the scent of him surrounds you, that indescribable, boyish aroma that can’t be replicated. Right now, all you can think about is how easily your body molds into his, like two pieces of a puzzle meant to fit together. Right now, all you can think about is him. 

The worst part about each and every week is when it ends. Because the end of one week signifies the beginning of the next, and when you’re in university, the beginning of the next week means a whole new batch of assignments that you have to complete and a whole new batch of due dates to meet. 

So, yeah. The weeks have been blurring together for you lately. But what else could you expect?

Sunday evening, as per usual, finds you right back where you always are: Jungkook’s apartment. 

The two of you have been regularly getting together on Sundays to study, ever since you both realized you work significantly harder when motivated by the other, determined to finish all of your work on time so you can spend the rest of the night fooling around by mixing Monster with as many unhealthy drinks that you can possibly think of. And it’s been working out well for the both of you so far. Jungkook powers through his coding assignments and you whiz through your readings, intent on keeping up to date with your tasks so they don’t all come crashing down on you at the end of the semester. 

Studying with Jungkook has always been easy, largely due to the fact that it’s the one allotted time during your friendship where the both of you deem it best to not speak to each other for the sake of your work. The moment one of you opens your mouth it’s over, so you sit on opposite ends of the room and pretend that the other person isn’t even there. 

Jungkook told you earlier today that he had already finished his photography portfolio, so there would unfortunately be no sneaky glances over his shoulder to see if you can catch a glimpse of one of the pictures. Which is fine by you, you’re just a little embarrassed that Jungkook had told you this outright. Not that you were planning to do exactly that, but you were planning to do exactly that. 

Part of you. more than anything, wants to know why Jungkook won’t just show you himself. Why he’s being so secretive, so protective of his photography project when you both know already exactly what’s in it. For God’s sake, he just spent the entire week taking photos of you non-stop. It’s like not as if any part of this is a mystery to either of you. What more could he have done?

Whatever. You aren’t going to force it if he doesn’t want you to. You suppose that maybe one day, far into the future, he’ll finally decide that the time is right. 

“I’m so fucking tired,” Jungkook declares lifelessly as he gets up from where he’s sitting on your bed, dead inside. “I need a break.”

“Are you going to the kitchen? Can you make me some tea, please?” You ask him, looking up from the laptop on your desk. 

Jungkook nods wordlessly before disappearing out of the room. 

You and Jungkook’s best study practice to maximize productivity is the taking of each other’s cell phones so that the other cannot be tempted to look at it. It’s worked plenty of times before and will probably work plenty of times again, because as they say, out of sight, out of mind. 

Unfortunately, it’s hard to pretend that your phone is out of sight when it’s been buzzing on your bedside table for the past five minutes, and your fingers have been itching to get over there and answer your damn notifications. So, while Jungkook is out of the room, you decide to cheat a little by dashing over there just to see what the heck is going on in the rest of the world. 

As it turns out, nothing much. Just Maisie texting you as she binges yet another television show, giving spoiler-free updates anytime anything remotely dramatic happens. You have a couple of new emails as well. 

The thing that actually catches your attention the most, is Jungkook’s laptop screen. 

There’s just a Word document open on it, but a Word document is a far cry from his usual coding program or Photoshop. Because you can’t help yourself, you peer over to see what he’s written. 

What did you learn about yourself through this assignment? How do you think you’ve changed?

Hard to say that I have. I don’t think I learned something about myself so much as I confirmed what I already knew, cementing it as a real thought in my brain, rather than just a daydream. Nothing changed in the way that my best friend and I interacted, and I can almost confirm that nothing changed in the way that she feels about me, just as nothing changed in the way I feel about her. I guess you could say I learned that I don’t think anything could ever change the way I feel about her. 

What?

Do you think you’ll ever look back on this project, whether it be as a reference or a memory?

Yes. Not as a reference but to remind myself of this very moment in my life—a single week over the course of my life that I felt was worth saving. I imagine that there will come a time, far in the future, where my best friend and I have separated a little bit, found our own lives and created our own families with our own people. And when that happens, I will look back on this project to remind myself of who we used to be. How we used to feel about each other. Maybe, by that point in time, it won’t hurt as much as it does now. 

This feels personal. Maybe you should stop reading. But there’s just one more question left on the page… 

This assignment forced you to create an entire portfolio, from scratch, using a subject you would have to regularly schedule time with. It was demanding. But, that said, would you ever do this again?

Yes. If it meant getting to spend more time with her, take more photos of her, see her smile once more, I would do it a thousand times over. 

“Y/N?”

You hadn’t even heard the kettle whistling. 

“Jungkook,” you say, breathless, caught red-handed. 

“What are you doing?” He asks, placing your steaming cup of tea down on the desk as he stares back at you in horror, in surprise, in worry, in something. Something that gives you this imminent sense of impending doom. 

“Uh—”

“Were you reading my computer screen?”

It’s not like you could say you were doing anything else. 

“I couldn’t help myself, I came over here to check my phone since it’s been buzzing like crazy and your computer was right there and I just…” you sputter out, thoughts swirling inside your head. 

(I will look back on this project to remind myself of who we used to be. How we used to feel about each other. Maybe, by that point in time, it won’t hurt as much as it does now. 

If it meant getting to see her smile once more, I would do it a thousand times over. 

I guess you could say I learned that I don’t think anything could ever change the way I feel about her.)

“What do you mean, how you feel about me?” You ask, because you can’t help yourself. Because the sound of his voices echoes in your head like the beat of a drum, over and over and over. Because you’re staring back at him and even if he just caught you snooping through his computer you can never be worried when it comes to him. Because everything he has ever done puts you at ease. 

“Y/N, that is private, why would you read something like that?” He asks, each word a sucker punch into your heart. 

“Because I just had to know, okay?” You shout back. “I had to know what you were hiding from me.”

“So you decided to snoop through my computer to see if you could figure it out yourself?” He demands, storming over to you. 

“So you are hiding something?”

“That’s not the point, the point is that—”

“What are you not telling me, Jungkook?” You cry out, watching as he approaches you, dark eyes piercing your gaze. “Why won’t you show me your goddamn portfolio? If there’s really nothing to be afraid of, why are you keeping it from me? I’m your best friend, I’m the fucking subject of your project? Don’t I deserve to see it? Why won’t you show me?”

“Because then you’d know!” Jungkook shouts back, leaving deafening silence in his wake. You look up at him, blinking. In front of you, Jungkook is out of breath, chest heaving. 

He looks so strained. So tired. Like he’s been carrying around this secret for months now, maybe even years, and this is the final straw. This is what has sent the both of you crashing down upon each other. This stupid fucking project. You’ve known Jungkook ever since the beginning of your freshman year, and never before have you seen him so hopeless. 

“Jungkook—?”

“You’d know, goddamnit,” Jungkook says, hand coming up to rub at his forehead, dragging down his cheek. “And I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.”

“Know what? What would I know?��� 

Jungkook closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath. Opens them again. “That I’m in love with you.”

The words drift in between the two of you, hovering in the air like feathers. You see them, clear as day, in front of you, hear them echoing in your head, over and over and over again. Feel the way your blood is pumping, the way your heart is beating. 

“You’re in love with me?” You ask him. 

“I didn’t want you to find out this way,” Jungkook admits. “Or at all, really. But I have been, for a while now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid that I’d lose you.”

You chuckle, a small, little thing from the back of your throat. “You must have known I’d never let that happen, hmm?”

Jungkook smiles softly. “I was scared. Can you blame me? You’re my best friend.”

“And you are mine,” you remind him. 

“It’s just—” Jungkook begins, like the gates of a dam are opening up. “We’d known each other for so long, and we have such a good thing going as is, always texting and calling and hanging out together, studying together on Sunday nights and seeing each other during the week, and I didn’t want to ruin anything. And then my professor assigned this project, and the only person I could think of to take photos was you, but I didn’t want to ask that of you in case you thought it was weird, but you suggested it anyway so I said yes, but I knew. I knew then that the moment I took one goddamn photo of you it would be obvious, and that if you ever saw you would just know. Stuff like that is easy to pick up in pictures, because a camera is like, tunnel vision for whatever it is you want to focus on most, and that’s you, that’s always been you, so I—”

“Jungkook,” you interrupt, reaching out to him, pressing a soft hand to his cheek. “Just, shut up, okay?”

And then you cup his head in both of your hands, and press a kiss to his lips. A small one, if nothing else, but a kiss nonetheless. You press your lips against his own and immediately you feel the sparks rush through you, this flash of heat that settles into something softer, something sweeter. It ignites and soothes you all at once, like a stray lightning bolt out on the open ocean. Like a single clap of thunder and the pitter patter of rain. 

You press a kiss to his lips and when you pull away, Jungkook’s eyes are closed, lips parted ever so slightly. And for a moment there, you almost think you did the wrong thing. 

But barely a second more passes before he’s scooping you up in his arms and pulling you in close to him, his lips finding yours like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. He holds you tight, hands pressed against the small of your back as he kisses you, warm and fiery and full, as if he can’t get enough, as if this is his only chance. You gasp into it before relaxing in his hold, cold hands on his warm cheeks, body melting at the feeling of him, of him all over you, of his hands and his mouth and his chest, this perfect, solid figure. 

He kisses you and it sends heat shooting through your body, filling you up from the inside out, like your heart has burst and filled your bloodstream with fire, with sparks of warmth that tingle all over. He kisses you, and everywhere his hands press is another sizzle to your skin, an electric shock that makes you giggle into his mouth. 

He kisses you and it feels like a storm has settled, feels like gentle rain after a hurricane, feels like waves crashing against the shore. He kisses you and it is the only thing you can think about. 

By the time you part once more, you don’t think you’ve ever seen Jungkook so blissed out. 

“See?” You point out softly. “Nothing to be afraid of.”

Jungkook looks positively dazed. “I think I need to lie down.”

“Ooh, was I that good?” You tease.

“I’m dreaming.” He shakes his head. “I’m definitely fucking dreaming.”

Jungkook sinks onto your bed, hitting the mattress with a thud. He stares mindlessly in front of him, like his brain needs time to process. 

You smile to yourself. He can have all the time in the world. 

“Is this real?” He mumbles when you sit down next to him, press another kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Are you real?”

“Just like you,” you promise him. “I didn’t know this is what we had been missing, all this time.”

“It wasn’t missing,” Jungkook assures you. “It was just hidden.”

“I love you,” you whisper, watching him swallow the words like a glass of wine. “I think I always have. You just needed to say it first.”

“Oblivious as always.” Jungkook grins, smiling against your lips. “But I’m glad. If this is what it would take, then I’m glad.”

“You wouldn’t change anything?” You ask him, eyes wide and curious. 

It’s hard to know how long you and Jungkook have been secretly pining over each other. Hard to know how long Jungkook has known that he’s loved you, how long it’s been since you started to feel the same, even if subconsciously. It’s hard to know how long you would have kept going if not for this project. It might have been months. Years. Years that Jungkook was willing to spend holding back, if only it meant keeping you by his side. 

“No,” Jungkook says like it’s the easiest answer in the world. “I have you now. Why would I?”

What did you learn about yourself through this assignment? How do you think you’ve changed?

Previously, I had responded to this question by saying that I hadn’t learned anything, and felt that nothing changed in my life. Then, some things happened. And after those things, I learned that I am the luckiest man alive. To know my best friend is one thing. To love her is a privilege. To have her love me back is nothing less than a miracle.

Do you think you’ll ever look back on this project, whether it be as a reference or a memory?

Yes. Every day for the rest of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever been as thankful to receive a homework assignment as I am, right now. I owe everything to this project. It is the reason I have her. 

This assignment forced you to create an entire portfolio, from scratch, using a subject you would have to regularly schedule time with. It was demanding. But, that said, would you ever do this again?

Yes. I want to take photos of her for the rest of my life. I want to save every memory we ever share together. So that far into the future, we can look back on them together and say, “Remember that?”

↳ links are broken, but don’t forget to message me with any thoughts or feedback!

[lilosaur]

◡̈⋆ʜᴇʟʟᴏ(*´∇`)ﾉ is it okay for me to request scenarios for mitsuya, inui, angry and kazutora helping their s/o who struggles with online classes? many thanks if you decide to do this one 💖💖

Yess! This was something I could relate too so much, I prefer in person myself it was such a struggle for me doing online. Thanks for requesting! 🤎

༑ ࿐ྂ。Helping You With Online Classes ♡.°⑅

⟶ ticket no. 11 ɞ

w/ Mitsuya Takashi | Inui Seishu | Kawata Souya | Hanemiya Kazutora

ʚ Mitsuya Takashi ɞ

It was late into the night around 2:30-ish am your eyes were heavy and body drained and worn out while the bright screen reflected in your eyes. Your phone buzzed and you debated picking it up, your arms were so tired. Your phone rang again, maybe this was the third time? You were already losing your train of thought. You reached over to grab your phone, it was your boyfriend? What was he still doing up at this hour?

“Mitsuya? Why are you still up?” You questioned waiting tiredly for a response.

“You never answered my text love, I wanted to make sure your alright. You sound tired though, why are you still up?” He responded, you were confused you didn’t hear a sound of tiredness in his voice.

“Oh um I’m still working on some homework that’s due tomorrow morning.” Your voice cracked and your tiredness could be heard from over the phone “it’s kind of confusing though”

“Hmm do you want me to come over and help you with it?”

You didn’t want him to stay up any longer either, he had a busy life with taking care of his sisters and looking after his friends, you can probably figure this out all on your own anyways. “No no, it’s fine I’ll just be up a little longer.” You lied, you knew this would take a few more hours at least but you didn’t want Mitsuya to worry too much. You both said goodnight as you hung up the phone. You tried your best to look at notes, documents, and even looking up stuff online but everything was worded differently. Your teacher was honestly garbage she made everything sound so confusing when explaining.

It was almost 3am now, you only completed 3/9 of the questions on your assigned worksheet you didn’t even know if your answers were right. A faint knock could be heard from your window which scared the living crap out of you. You peaked through your curtains to see Mitsuya standing outside with coffee and a smile.

Mitsuya told you that he can help you with your school work, he may not have ideal grades but maybe he’d be able to help a little bit. If not then maybe he could email your teachers for you if you get anxious about it.

You and Mitsuya were able to get all questions done, he was so proud of you, for pushing through each day one step at a time. You two ended up passing out on your bed, what a nice night…kinda.

༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚

ʚ Inui Seishu ɞ

You and Inui were spending time at a coffee shop talking about how your days were going and new stuff that happened. You had your laptop with you since you two happened to see each other at the cafe but you planned to just do some school work. You told Inui you were gonna do some work but you can still talk, he said he’ll try to be quiet as he pulled out a book to read. You were having a hard time understanding the concept and filling out open note stuff is so hard for no reason. okay but like open note stuff is so annoying like multiple choice >>>>

You about half way into a paragraph answering the third question but your mind hit a blank, you felt so confused. You looked back at other documents, worksheets, and notes you took but it seemed like this was something your teacher explained in class. Let’s just say your teacher wasn’t exactly the best at teaching.

Inui looked over to you and your facial expression said it all, the confusion all over your face and your leg tapping on the floor up and down.

“Do you need any help y/n?”

You didn’t really want to trouble Inui with your schoolwork even though you were heavily struggling, you took a moment to think about it but before you could even respond to him he was already walking over to your side of the table hovering over your shoulders and his eyes directed at your laptops screen. You looked up at Inui, you could tell he was really thinking about the question.

“I’m not really the best with this y/n but maybe we can look it up or ask someone smarter than me.” Inui said while looking back down at you, concerned and confused look on his face he couldn’t seem to decipher this problem either as it’s wording was very strange.

Inui helped you contact someone who was in your class and you were successfully able to complete both sheets of work. Inui gave you a nice hug afterwards to let you know how proud of you he is, he knows it’s hard for you with online classes but you still push through everyday!

༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚

ʚ Kawata Souya ɞ

You had to cancel your plans with Souya because your parent/s wanted you to get your school work done before tomorrow morning. You’ve been struggling to even log onto your laptop and show up to your classes. Online school is still just as draining as in person if not more.

You felt so bad for kinda ditching Souya today so you made sure to send him a more detailed message about why you really cancelled and your so sorry and you’ll make it up to him. You just hoped he wasn’t too effected from this. Souya tried calling you multiple times but your phone was set on ‘do not disturb’ mode, you finally took a break from some of your work which your not even half way done when you FaceTimed him.

“Hello? Souya?”

“Hi y/n..” You heard Souya's low voice, he was definitely a bit sad over not being able to hang out.

“Are you done with your homework yet, maybe we could still hang out for a bit.” He asked politely.

“I’m sorry, I’m still working on it. It’s really confusing. But maybe we can hangout tomorrow!” You tried to stay positive knowing that this work was going to take a long while. You honestly felt so bad letting Souya down but your work had to be done.

“Hmm, we’ll maybe I can help you with it. I’m pretty good with anything y/n.”

You never really realized it but Souya really did have good grades. He helped guide you through what problems you were struggling with and he was even able to help you understand all the concepts better. It didn’t even take up too much of your time, you guys got it done in about 1 hour and your pretty positive most of the answer are right…sort of.

You two both talked for a bit before falling asleep while still on FaceTime together, after all it was still a school night. Souya was definitely very proud of you and happy to help, you’ve been pushing through this whole time all alone so he’s thankful he could help make it a bit easier for you! :)

༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚

ʚ Hanemiya Kazutora ɞ

You and Kazu were getting a late night snack, you had taken a break from your time consuming study guides and worksheets, barely making it half way through part one of the study guide. It was a struggle but you’d hope that maybe after a snack with your lovely boyfriend you’d feel a little more motivated.

You guys decided to get brownies from a little corner shop and to share a soda. You found a bench to sit at and eat, you two chatted and somehow got to the topic of school. Kazu said he pretty much didn’t take school seriously at all and his grades didn’t really matter because he wasn’t going anywhere good in the future. You told Kazu all about your online school, you didn’t like it one bit. Kazutora understood where your coming from since he despised school just as much as you did.

You told Kazu you were kind of in a hurry because of your school work, Kazu took your little hints and insisted you let him help you out. He wouldn’t let you say no either, he knows you don’t like online school and you have troubles with completing work. Kazutora wasn’t the smartest but he wasn’t the dumbest either so he’d help you as much as he could.

You let Kazu help you and fortunately you were able to finish up most of your study guide and one of your worksheets. Kazutora offered for him to have a ‘talk’ with your teacher but you almost yelled at him to just leave it be..you’ll manage somehow.

You and Kazutora ended off the night with a walk around town talking about all your troubles in the world. Kazu told you how proud he was, you were able to get most of your work done even if it wasn’t right or you still missed some questions it was a start. One step at a time and you’ll be there soon, wherever your trying to end up in life if you just push on a little longer you’ll be there in no time.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this one. If you struggle with school in general just know your not alone, a lot of people have mental problems formed from school but I promise with a little bit of effort and if you push through just a bit longer you’ll make it to where you want to be. I believe in you all! :)

[fukurodanni]

love for the rich and emotionally stunted: a comprehensive guide

ch. 2/7 -- prev. -- next. pairing: jumin han x f!reader warnings: n/a series summary: in the months following the incident with his father's most recent paramour, glam choi, the corporate heir of C&R finds himself discovering exactly what it is that makes a person in love so blind. ao3 link

note: sticking a read more right at the beginning. u kno how it is. thank you for sticking around i'll try my best to keep updates within a week or so!

(weeks prior.)

Jumin Han has entered the chatroom.

Jumin Han

She talked to me today.

ZEN

??

Who?

707

She??

There’s a she?!

Jumin Han

Oh.

I must have neglected to mention it.

ZEN

????

Last time there was a “she”...

Jumin Han

… No.

There’s a woman at my office.

Jaehee Kang

Does she work for you?

Jumin Han

Yes

707

That took an awfully long time for you to type lolol

Are you sure~~

Jumin Han

Yes. She wears a lanyard.

Jaehee Kang

Do you not know her name??

Jumin Han

I should think it would seem impolite after… all that.

Jaehee Kang

???

ZEN

?????

All that WHAT?

Jumin Han

I only caught a glimpse of her lanyard. I don’t know.

ZEN

Dodged my question… T_T

Jaehee Kang

Is this that woman you see in the mornings?

Jumin Han

How did you ....

ZEN

?!?!

707

Is our Jumin finally getting some?!

I’m so proud. Haha T_T

Jumin Han

Getting some… what?

Jaehee Kang

I can look into her.

For research purposes. Of course^^

Jumin Han

;;;

I only just started seeing her this month.

At the door. Seeing her at the door.

707

Seeing her OTL

Maybe she’s your future lover come to save you^^

Jumin Han

I doubt that.

ZEN

Yeah lolol

I doubt it too

And right after the Choi thing?? No way.

707

T_T

Ur right

There’s no way...

-

“Do you play video games, Mr Han?”

That’s a new one. “Where would I find the time?” He asks, thinking of Yoosung. “It’s a useless hobby.”

“That was a quick answer,” you reply. “Who hurt you?”

Jumin raises a brow, inquisitive. “No one.”

“Okay,” you say, the beginnings of a grin playing on your lips. “Who ruined video games for you?”

He thinks of the dark smudges under Yoosung’s eyes, the awful typos and the messages at 3am. It’s only a little funny. The door closes behind them. “No one in particular.”

“You’re smiling, Mr Han. Just a little.” You smile too at this, tilting your head in that curious way of yours. When you reach the lobby and then your separate ways, Jumin spares a glance at you.

He wants to say something more, something lodged very deep in his throat that comes out dry breath. He’s never been too good at small-talk, not with colleagues, not with business outside of work. He wants to be, just a little.

He’s not quite sure how that came to be.

-

It’s beyond embarrassing the way he comes up to you in the cafeteria. “You work here,” he says, a very belated realization.

You blink a few times, as if processing. “Yes,” you say slowly. “I have a lanyard.” You wave the offending item around and Jumin finally, finally catches a glimpse of your name.

“I see,” Jumin says, because that’s all he really can say. “Work hard.”

He consults his phone right away, willing the heat from his face and opening the messenger app. It goes as well as expected when he mentions it so vaguely-- Hyun rags on him for his lack of conversational skills and Yoosung drops a line or two about his own miserable love life. In any case, Assistant Kang’s information on you had only reached him earlier today and in a way he’s still coping. It had been baffling to say the least, finally having everything in front of him rather than scattered in the bits and pieces of your dialogue.

You work, technically, in the same position Assistant Kang does. Only in the fashion department, of which Jumin had strategically ignored after Echo Girl and the Chois. It really isn’t his fault he hadn’t noticed you-- not since before this month when you began arriving so consistently.

“Something on your mind?” Assistant Kang asks, looking up from where she’s shuffling through a stack of papers. It isn’t unusual for her to break the silence with a quip-- she’s always been good at easing into a mode of conversation that takes the edge off. As a good assistant and employee should, of course. Jumin wonders if he should relay this to her.

“Nothing,” he says instead, because surely she already knows. “Is it polite to bring gifts for someone you’re sure you will be seeing every morning?”

She raises a thin brow. “Who-- that woman at the fashion department?”

Jumin deigns not to answer right away, looking down at the state of his nails and the tick of his wristwatch. “Surely there must be some etiquette about that.”

-

Jaehee Kang

Buy her coffee.

ZEN

Get her a promotion lol

707

A new car!!!

Yoosung★

Maybr a nicce pen

??

-

“Any favorite TV shows?” You ask one morning. “Personally, I’m fond of office romances.”

Jumin lags for a moment, waiting to catch up. It isn’t an unusual occurrence. “Is that an innuendo?”

You smile, a little flushed-looking, and wave a hand. “Nope. Not at all.” When you look at the second coffee in his hand, though, it seems you need a second to catch up yourself. You’d mentioned offhandedly how you take your coffee the day before, and today something had stopped him at the threshold of the coffee shop he stops at every morning. Funny how things work like that.

“This is for you,” he says determinedly, and you smile a little but there’s still an edge.

“You dodged my question.” You state simply. Jumin does not know what to say.

He thinks about it for a moment, really thinks about it. The only thing that really comes to mind are the Sunday morning programs, and he doesn’t really know them off the top of his head. Maybe the morning news. “No TV shows. Next question.”

“Okay then,” you say, “Any pet peeves?”

Jumin smiles a little. It isn’t really conscious, but he’s finally figured out a way to respond and he just hopes it takes well. “Women who stop me at the door in the morning.”

“Oh,” you say, taking a sip of your coffee. You hum appreciatively. He feels strangely, indirectly accomplished. “Shame. Mine’s men who give me three word responses when I ask them things.”

He scoffs, although it isn’t as hard as it usually comes out. “I answered that in a sentence.” He says, very assuredly. When he looks back at you there’s a softer smile at your lips, rounded at the corners and not quite so mischievous as he’s seen it look before. It looks fond.

“I know,” you reply. He feels a little warmer now, turning the corner where you two part ways. You offer him a two-fingered salute, a “See you in the morning!” and a final turn.

And then you’re gone.

-

The next time the conversation lingers long past the lobby it’s because you’ve coaxed him into talking about Elizabeth III. There’s a point where you’ve reached the elevator and he’s talking to you about her care routine and the minutiae of what it takes to keep her fur so soft and pristine (much of it is her own work and her natural beauty-- of course) and he’s only barely aware of how long he’s been going on, but he pauses to look at you. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting, between Jaehee’s hesitancy and Luciel’s rabid praise and Hyun’s outright disgust--

But there’s something about the way you’re looking at him when he’s finished, curiouser and half-curved into a smile. And he’s been on the receiving end of that before-- his father’s lovers, interviewers and subordinates-- but none of them have ever seemed so affectionate.

He’s seen the same look before when it’s Jaehee with a new photocard, the way Yoosung danced around Rika. It’s the glint in Luciel’s glasses when he gets to working and it’s something, something.

You look like you’ve seen something beautiful.

Which is understandable to him, really, having just shown you pictures of his Elizabeth III. What he understands less is the way you’re looking at him and not the open phone, caught up in a silence that seems way too heavy for a conversation about his cat. Even when the elevator dings it’s with some trepidation that you leave first, a memory, a discovery pulled taut between you two.

“I hope I get to meet her sometime,” you say.

Jumin nods, wordless. The delight on your face at such a simple gesture fixates itself in the forefront of his mind until he returns home to Elizabeth, flickering like hell and unbidden and unexpected but not exactly unwelcome. It’s just as confusing to him as it sounds on paper.

-

Somehow Jaehee gets to you first.

For all the time he’s spent working with Jaehee, working around her and in her general proximity, he doesn’t actually know what time she gets into the building. She seems like an inevitability, something constant and fixed and always there.

So when he holds the door open for two women, Jumin is feeling like he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to. Especially since the two of you seem to be chatting so jovially, shaking her hand with both of yours when you go to part.

There’s another something clogging his throat, a cloying want and a halfhearted desire to draw that same laugh from you, that same open brightness. He hasn’t let himself feel so much about one person-- one particular and fixed point in his life. Jumin feels like he’s chasing-- some feeling, some unnamed ball of fire-- a meteor, blazing and brilliant and too much to be real.

It’s too much to be compared to anything else, not when Sarah Choi was an unlit match next to what a beaming bonfire you are. Suddenly Jumin feels more tightly wound than he usually does.

And really, truly, it feels like a lot to handle, so he turns on his heel after silently handing you the coffee and begins to march. It feels like karmic debt for not having experienced these things as a schoolboy, and then only once as an adult. He doesn’t even know if the one time counted.

“Mr Han--” you say, and it happens at the same time he holds his breath to turn again. Just to look, to see if you appeared as off kilter as he felt. Maybe the world had rotated wrong today.

You stop there in your tracks and he really does believe for a moment that the world has gone astray-- because then it would explain the way air isn’t getting to his lungs right. He inhales just to make sure and before any other dialogue comes from your lips he asks, “Walk with me?”

You both take the elevator then.

-

Jaehee Kang

She’s a very nice woman.

Yoosung★

Huh?

707

U met her?!?!!

Tell me everything

-

It makes your mornings longer, the introduction of the elevator route. He isn’t sure how it became mutual agreement and routine, the same way the cup of coffee steams in your hands and the way you ask after Elizabeth III. The way the door gets held open.

Jumin isn’t sure how many mornings go by, how many of them are spent dreading the chime of the elevator, but one of them brings a much quieter you. And you’re usually such a whirlwind of life, pulling him toward and towards you-- he’d be lying to himself more than usual if he said he wasn’t worried.

You look like you’re steeling yourself too, and you’ve never done that-- there isn’t a thing you’ve said to him that was measured or prepared. You’re kind of like an overexcited puppy, and he’s never been too fond of dogs.

He feels something slide out of place, something like a realization that’s far grander than he knows, hovering at the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t know what it is yet, not really. He’s barely out of his head, ready to ask if you’re alright--

And you cut him off. Like you did that first morning, knocking the breath from his lungs and everything else out of place. Jumin likes things neat and tidy, likes things where they should be, where he’s used to seeing them. You aren’t too good for him, he thinks.

Then you ask, “Would you want to go out sometime?” And he has no reference materials and no forewarning and no prepared response. The odds are against him.

So against all odds and every simmering nerve in his body he says, “Yes.”

tags: @vandysgf @mrs-han

[romelle]

Your hc's are amazing and I keep going back and rereading them alskdjsk do u have any personal favorites? For anyone? Youre just really funny and I love seeing your posts!!

!! that makes me so happy to hear <3 i don't really have any favourites, but since i’m in certain type of a mood, here's some pining lance 😖🌈 ☄👨🏽‍🚀

back at the garrison, shiro would always tell keith that he needs to branch out. keith impulsively decides to deal with this by just saying something to that one cute guy who keeps staring at him, and then being done with it

keith, smiling as he gets out of the simulator: good luck trying to beat my score

lance, who is not at all prepared to deal with the fact that he found that attractive: he thinks he's just SO much better than me, huh? i bet he's trying to intimidate me into crashing. i bet he wants to make me look stupid. well not gonna happen! i'm gonna beat this guy so hard

keith, oblivious: i think that went well. enough branching out for the month.

in the end, lance is so riled up that he does, in fact, crash. thus, the epic (one-sided) rivalry is born.

keith, after the bonding moment: i really thought something would change, but then he said he doesn't even remember

hunk, who has already had a hauntingly similar conversation with lance after they rescued shiro: ah, yes. in the field, we call this a mutual pining slow burn.

as soon as keith does anything even remotely cool lance just. stops working. out of rage, though, of course! how dare keith one-up him

keith: (slides down to expertly avoid the training bot’s blow, jumps back up onto his feet, and slices its head off)

lance: quit showing off, keith!

lance: ...also, entirely unrelated, but can we maybe end the training sequence? i need to sit down, stat.

the night after the lion switch he wakes up at 3am in cold sweat and goes knocking at hunk's door because "oh shit, oh fuck. wake up man. i'm the future mr. red lion. no wait don’t throw me out, this is serious stuff!"

keith, still in his black undersuit, hair dishevelled: good work today, team. everyone feeling alright?

pidge: actually, i think that lance is having some breathing issues

hunk: oh, yeah, it looks pretty bad. keith, as the leader, maybe you should give him a mouth to mouth? just in case

lance: you're both getting your BFF keychains confiscated

keith tries to help him get the hang of his new sword, except lance simply cannot! focus! with keith standing so close to him! the deadly altean broadsword itself is fine, but keith might actually be the end of him

keith, breath warm against lance's neck, not even trying to do anything: think you got it?

lance:

lance: i didn't get a single thing, actually. explain more.

for some reason, which he refuses to explore, lance is ITCHING to see what keith would look like in his jacket. except, you can't exactly just ask your bro to wear your clothes, can you? he has to be sneaky about it

lance, rambling: you know what'd be, like, sooo funny? if you wore my jacket. because...uh. because you're just so short! super short. yeah. haha. i bet it'd look so stupid on you. i bet it'd be huge

keith: ....you're barely two inches taller than me

lance: do you want it or not

keith, already slipping his own jacket off: i don't even care. hand it over

lance talks big game, but the second he catches real feelings it's panic mode time

it probably isn't even that big of a deal, though, right? so what if he thinks keith is moderately attractive and mildly fun to be around! it's not like he wants to run his fingers through his hair while they look at the stars and talk about whatever, or anything. or like he wants to kiss the back of his neck. or hold his stupid hand. or-

also, listen. lance might be handsome, charming, suave and loved by grandmas across the universe, but whenever people actually flirt back with him his primary reaction is (surprised pikachu face)

lance: watch your mouth, mullet

keith: and what if i want to watch yours instead?

lance:

lance: not gonna lie, that's not how this conversation went when i practiced it in the mirror. i am at loss here

shiro and hunk have weekly meetings (read as: support groups) to compile all the details of keith and lance’s respective venting sessions. the general consensus is that once those two finally get their shit together, their hypothetical best men's wedding speeches are going to be a riot

[oh-my-may]

Nishinoya, Bokuto, Oikawa and Atsumu as your boyfriend hcs

requested by anon: hey hey heyyyy! may i request for 'as a boyfriend' headcannons for nishinoya, boukto, oikawa and atsumu please? thank u if u get around doing this !! xoxo

hello there!^^ at first I thought about splitting this post up into 2 parts because usually the ‘as your boyfriend hcs’ are a bit longer but  I decided against it so enjoy~ (also atsumus and oikawas are a bit longer because they are my faves and uuuh I am weak lol)

Nishinoya Yuu:

one of the most energetic and happiest boyfriends!!

Will literally love and cherish you until you die and probably even after that, I’m being serious his love and affection for you have no end

though in the beginning of your relationship, or even before it, he always gets very shy around you which is unusual for him. That’s how he knows you’re special to him, because you make him doscover a whole new side of him!

The secret admirer type of crush, everyday you’ll find a new small present waiting on your desk. Your favorite drink, a snack, a small cute note, a new pen when he noticed your old one didn’t work anymore, a small bunch of flowers... It’s just so cute!

But it takes forever until he actually asks you out. In reality, it happens a lot different than he imagined. Normally he made sure he was in school waaayyy before you, but that one day he overslept and was in class just a few minutes before you. or so he thought. You just walked in the moment he placed the small package of milk on your desk and you both just stare at each other for several minutes and he’s about to faint until Tanaka saves him and gets him out of class because “he might develop a fever, his face is all red and sweaty”

2 days or so you don’t hear anything from him, until he manages to get over himself and ask you out in the tiniest voice. He has to repeat himself several times until you understand him properly because the poor boy was so nervous he spoke too fast and too quietly

BUT AFTER he finally gets you to be his he’s just the smiliest baby!!

Will never, not ever, let go of your hand. At least not when he can avoid it.

Always wants you to be on his side, like at practice and such. You can be guaranteed to be found at every single game that Karasuno ever has again, even practice games. You’re always there cheering for him and he’s at his 150% every time! The team loves his energy on the field but it’s a biot exhausting everywhere else :’)

ANWAYS definitely a lot of activity dates! I’m not saying that he would say no to a good old cuddle session, but he’s just always bouncing around, so going to the arcade or comign up with fun games at the park is normally what you do after school and practice!

Tanaka is the accepted third-wheel of your relationship. Whenever your over sat Noya’s he ends up showing up, too a lot of times or he joins in on fun dates, but it’s never uncomfortable or weird. You two actually become really good buddies and he always tells you funny stories about Noya! Also him and Kiyoko and you two go on double dates and it’s!! So cute!!

Did I mention that Noya is the king of skinship and PDA?? He really couldn’t care less who’s around you or who might be watching, his eyes are always on you and his hand somehow magically finds his way to your ass lol

No but on a serious note he just can’t live without you and sometimes he can get really anxious if he doesn’t find you in a crowd or your hands don’t intertwine immediately when he reaches for you. He can’t explain it, it just doesn’t feel good about it when you’re not around him.

Protective!! WILL jump on anyone that looks at you the wrong way or makes you feel uncomfortable. he 100% has Tanaka’s support for this.

Did I forget anything?? That should be about it for my little noya rant, he’s just too cute I’ll hug him to death~

Bokuto Kotarou:

chaotic™

When I tell you he did NOT know what he was doing when he asked you out. Just listened to Akaashi’s and Kuroo’s advice and it somehow worked out for him. Several months into the relationship he’s still not entirely sure how he got you, but he doesn’t complain

(psssht, it was his clumsy charm mixed with some kind of natural charisma that got you, but don’t tell him that he will not shut up about it)

When he first saw you he was at practice and he couldn’t help but stare because how can a real human being be so pretty?? and he actually missed a ball, got it slammed to his head and well what can I say? You almost got him passed out the first time he saw you

He got soooo embarrassed afterwards help the poor boy. The brightest blush ever appeared on his cheeks and ears and his hair immediately went emo mode straight down hanging into his face

The whole situation was so chaotic and messy you couldn’t help but turn around and look for the source of all this trouble, just to find the silver-haired boy staring right at you and hitting you someplace special in your chest, literally taking you aback

Afterwards the coach scolds him for being inattentive and you leave the gym in a hurry, because you as well are embarrassed. But it doesn’t take long until Akaashi gets send to get your number and you can’t help but giggle as he tells you about how Bokuto literally won’t stop whining about you being the prettiest human being on earth

That’s how you started texting and bokuto might just be one of the most random texters (is that even a word??) ever. Like yeah, in the beginning he’ll mainly talk about volleyball and send you sweaty pics of him (no, not these ones!) but then again you’ll get a text at 3am on a thursday and it will be like a really bad picture taken of the moon and it will say like “thought about you” and in the next message 3 seconds later he’ll talk about wanting to be a werewolf or so. And you have to laugh so hard you can’t even be mad at him for waking you up

And that’s basically how you’re relationship works, too. A lot of random texts, especially “come over?” ones or “watch me at practice! please???” and you can’t ever get yourself to say no to him, because he’s always so happy when you show up!

Ngl it kinda distracts him too, but he’s in ace mode when you watch him because he feels the need to impress you even when you tell him there’s no need for him to because you’re already impressed by him

Loves hugs! Hugs after a victory or a defeat, hugs after school and practice and hugs as greetings and goodbyes... Just hugs, so he can entirely engulf you in his big and strong arms and you basically vanish somewhere between his arms. Loves pressing you close in the whole process of it, so close that you can barely breathe for a second, but you actually love it because it just shows his love and affection

9/10 times you’re also the cure to his emo mode. Just very rarely even you can’t help him and it’s upon himself to get over it, but with your presence near him and the opportunity to cuddle onto you while reflecting about himself, he’ll get over it eventually

He’s also the biggest cuddler there could possibly be. most of your dates are stay-inside ones because most of the times he’s exhausted from practice and games, so a chill night in with a good movie or series and some nice snacks really do it for him. He can just cuddle onto you however he likes and he especially likes brushing his fingers over your warm, soft skin. It makes him feel very at ease.

Yeah so that’s about it C: Please just love this smol bean to no end, because his love sure as hell also has no limit

Oikawa Tooru:

People might think he’d be very blunt and cocky and all when he has a crush, but I’m telling you - he’s actually the softest boy ever and prefers to keep his distance at fir4st to observe and understand his feelings for you

So what I’m saying is: As soon as he realizes what exactly his feelings are for you, he gets a bit shy and distant but blushes whenever he sees you

At first he thought you were just one of his obsessed fans and he didn’t think much of it, but then his gaze always wandered over to you, no matter if it was during a game or a practice or at school or when he saw you somewhere else... It was like you were haunting him, in like the best possible way, as he soon realized

It takes him forever to get himself to talk to you, because he wants everything to be perfect. He chooses to approach you in school when he found you alone that one day, but oh well, it totally didn’t go as planned. His glasses fell off his nose when he was trying to be smooth, he hopelessly stumbles across his words and his face got so red you thought you were talking to a tomato. Still, it kinda did something to you. You found it endearing, really. So you could just smile and nod when he asked you to got out with him and the biggest sigh of relief ever™ leaves his lips

He’s still hecka nervous for your first date, asks all his friends and team mates about their opinion on what he should wear and do, where should he take you etc... It takes him so long to decide that you just take it in hand and suggest something and he just rolls with it and turns out to be one of his favorite dates ever. A day at the park, though halfway through it got messy because it started raining and neither of you were prepared, so you had to run and share his jacket to go someplace dry and you end up in a library and neither of you can hold in the giggles when the librarians tell you to “tone it down.” It’s also your first kiss between seemingly endless rows of old books and your hearts flutter like crazy afterwards and you’re just speechless because... OIKAWA IS A GREAT KISSER idc what any of y’all think

so it just becomes a regular thing for him to pull you aside in the gym hall or school halls or whatever and kiss you senseless for his entertainment because your reaction is always 10/10

He may act smooth around others, presenting himself as the cool confident boyfriend, but really... He’s just the softest boy for you and a hopeless romantic on top.

Play with his hair and he will never leave your side ever again. The cutest pink hue will spread on his cheeks the first time you do it and with time you learn more about his soft spots, like brushing your lips or fingertips over his neck or the ticklish feeling he gets when you touch his waist.

Loves to pick out movies and series for you to watch. Most of them are alien or conspiracy theory-themes but you don’t mind, Oikawa is happiest when he can connect several things he loves, like you and aliens, or you and volleyball.

You’re also gonna have to accept the fact that he spends a lot of time on volleyball and that he will come home late and not always have time for you on the weekends. He will, however, especially love it when you work your way through his schedules to meet him, like when you come to watch and support him at practice. He will take extra breaks to pull you close and calm himself down in your arms.

Iwaizumi will definitely become one of your closest friends and you’ll both spend time shit talking about Tooru (ofc in a loving way) and Oikawa can’t help but smile seeing as you get close to his best friend~

He’s not exactly the most jealous type of boyfriend. He does trust you a lot and just makes sure that everybody always knows he’s your boyfriend. Trusts you with handling certain situations, though he will keep an eagle eye on strange boys and men near you and won’t lose no time chiming in when he feels like it to safe you

Of course there’s a big decrease in the numbers of his fangirls after everyone finds out you two are official, but Oikawa actually prefers it this way. As long as you are cheering for him, nothing will be able to stop him.

The bestest and softest boyfriend, not to be dramatic but I’d die for him

Miya Atsumu:

Okay now this one is actually smooth. Or so he thinks.

He’s quite obvious about his crush and feelings for you, so like he won’t hide it and use every possible opportunity to talk to you and flirt with you. And when I say flirt I mean he will use every bad pickup line you have ever heard somewhere

At first you’re really really turned off by it, but you do give him credits for being so determined and never giving up. He even takes advice from all his team mates and even though Osamu and Suna are very annoyed by his behaviour, they help because they think it will get better once you two are dating.

So every once in a while he will bring you some self-made delicious food along with a smooth line and one day he catches you off guard so hard you choke on some rice and then blush so hard you run out and you just leave poor Tsumu standing there wondering??? Are you okay? Did he just make you blush?

The next day he comes apologizing with the biggest bouquet of flowers right in front of everybody in your class and you get soooo embarrassed and the way he’s standing there is lowkey just adorable so you have no choice but to say yes. You almost catch him blushing right there, as well, because he really didn’t expect you to say that right then and there

Now when I tell you, he’s the most likely out of these 4 to ditch volleyball practice to sdpernd time with you. Most of the time it isn’t even intended, he just forgets time until he either gets a text from his brother or Suna or Kita OR you realize how late it is being like “Tsumus shouldn’t you be at practice since like 2 hours?” “Oh really? Guess not today. Now come here.”

He gets very used to having you close to him, just like Bokuto, so he will start whining when you can’t make it to a game or you’re busy with school work. Will definitely also make surprise visits at your house, like he’ll just randomly appear in front of your window at 3 am?? Are you spiderman??

Not to be angsty on this fluff post but uuhh fights with him can get very bad because he’s a stubborn child and sometimes you’ll catch him not talking to you 3 days after an argument because he needs time to cool down and reflect. He’s in the wrong 4 out of 5 times and he knows, but just give him time and he’ll be fine again. Shows up with the biggest face of regrets and food he threatened his brother to make and he’ll just blob down into your arms mumbling apologies over and over again. Cute.

Jealousy over 3000. Grows red with anger and balls his hands into the fist the moment some guy makes his way to you. Is on your side in 1 second will make no effort to hide his distrust towards the other guy. Sometimes he’ll get a bit too protective and you just have to tell him that and he’ll let you do your thing, though his gaze will never leave you just to make sure

Biggest show off. Will pull you close or hold your hand in public, grinning like and idiot and constantly placing kisses on your knuckles because you’re his baby and he loves you

Before he serves at games he will look right at you and have the most smug smile one has ever seen on his lips before smashing the ball righ into the opponent‘s field with 0 chance of them to safe the ball. It’s lowkey hot.

Also he gets very pouty and whiny when tired after a long day at school with practice or after exhausting games! Will constantly place his head on top of yours, saying it’s “too heavy” and he literally just covers your body with his.

The type to unconsciously pull you closer while sleeping!! The cutest habit! Always makes you smile when he does it!

A lot of your dates involve either volleyball or playing video games (sometimes Osamu or Suna join) and it’s most of the times just really chill. From time to time though, he’ll get the urge to do something else and next thing you know is you’re wall climbing or on a roller coaster or something. It’s either all or nothing with him concerning dates lmao

Also loves bickering! Will sometimes annoy you on purpose to see your cute face and you’ll have small arguments about who stinks more or whatever and then it always ends with “i love you though”

djsklsl I’m stopping myself now because this was getting too long because I am biased™

[staywritten]

In The Moment│Bang Chan

In The Moment│Bang Chan

Synopsis: Chan can’t always be with you because of work, but he does get to live those little intimate moments with photos 

Genre: Smut, fluff, one shot

Word Count: 2037

Inspired by: https://prettylixie.tumblr.com/post/624671319185866752/i-feel-like-aussie-line-likes-to-take-post-sex

To call this a rut or a rough patch was being generous. Chan felt like he was in an artistic hole. He’d been at it for the entire weekend, only leaving the studio to work out and try to maintain some form of normalcy. He hadn’t seen you or his members for a few days, save the times Felix and and Changbin stopped by to bring him food.

This particular night was the hardest on him. 

He’d done everything he could to power through finishing the track, but it just wasn’t right. It wasn’t that it was missing something. It was missing everything. 

He distracted himself for about an hour and a half by hopping on live with Baby Stays but now that it’s ended it was right back to reality. Sitting in the studio alone and listening to his own thoughts. The same 30 sec sample playing over and over. 

He pinched his nose bridge and let out an exasperated sigh. He told himself he wasn’t going anywhere until the beat was done, that way he can reward himself with sleep and make the guide the day after. 

He grabbed his phone for the first time all night. He had a tendency of putting his phone on airplane mode to limit his distractions and the influx of texts from his members, manager and you telling him to go home. He knew he needed to sleep but he also had work to do and there were too many people counting on him for him to sleep.

Unlocking his phone his eyes softened at his home screen. It’d been so long since he looked at it he almost forgot you were his background. A smile graced his features as he stared at the intimate photo. You completely blissed out after he spent all night making love to you. You cuddled against his bare chest, pressing a kiss to his jaw. He traced your features by memory, the softness of your skin he longed for, how’d you warm under his touch. Your moans and sweet nothings that reminded him he was worth loving. 

He wanted to go home to you. To bundle you in his arms and make love to you until you couldn’t walk. But right not that was a distraction he couldn’t afford. 

Photos would have to do for now. 

Buried in his camera roll he looked at an album he dedicated to you. Each photo capturing a moment he wished he could relive. You on all fours for him, you under him, you desperately grabbing at the wall to hold balance. You looked so beautiful, your neck covered in love bites and bruises, face flushed, mouth open moaning in lust. “My beautiful Babygirl…”

A particular favorite of his was one with you under him, clenching the sheets as he pounded into you. Your face contorting from pleasure. He smirked looking at the photo, his hand spanning over your neck as he took you. Anytime he looked at these photos he remembered it like it was yesterday. He’d just gotten back from a two month world tour and you were his first stop. He just couldn’t stop kissing you that night. Anywhere and everywhere. You had to wear a turtleneck for a solid week to hide his love bites. The photos that followed that particular night were his favorite. 

He managed to capture your face right as you came with him. He loved that look on you. So vulnerable and soft and needy for him. He could still hear your voice, your desperate pleads and little I love yous. How his name had never sounded as sweet unless he heard it coming from your lips. 

He swiped the photo and the brightest smile grazed his features. His cheek dimpled seeing you. You were fucked out and beautiful from the afterglow. The most adorable little pout on your lips as you held the blanket to your chest. You couldn’t walk because of how sore he made you and there was nothing more satisfying than knowing he fucked you that hard. He groaned, rubbing his temples realizing just how much he missed you. 

There were countless photos and videos, each one bringing a smile to his face. He wasn’t sure if he’d call it a kink perse’ but he sure did love taking photos of you post sex. There was just this level of intimacy he could manage to freeze in time and he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t always be with you since his job was so demanding but this way he could play pretend. 

He was shaken from his thoughts the moment he saw your name pop on his phone. “Hi Baby” he smiled softly “I was just thinking about you”

You yawned “Stop thinking about me, and come be with me Chris” your voice, laced in sleep. 

He chuckled. “You know I would if I could”

“Then do it” you pouted, rubbing your eyes awake. “You wanna explain to me why you went on Vlive at 3am? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I’m working on something, I’ll go to bed as soon as I finish”

“I know you Christopher Bang. You’re not going to sleep. You’re gonna overwork yourself and make yourself sick”

“Baby please… I don’t wanna fight… I just wanna hear your voice”

“I don’t wanna fight either” you pouted, sitting up in your bed, pressing your back against your headboard. “I wanna make love to my boyfriend so hard he has no choice but to sleep... I wanna cover him in kisses and cuddles... I just want you home”

He smiled to himself “I want that...”

“Then come home…” you whispered quietly, part of you wishing he didn’t hear you just to avoid another argument. He released a heavy sigh, raking his hand through his hair. His frustration was so obvious, and his nurturing self sacrificial personality was getting the best of him. “Chris..?”

“Hm?” he answered absently. 

“I’m going on a strike.” your tone light to try and distract him from his souring mood, he could practically hear you pout.

He chuckled bemused by your antics. “Oh? And what are your demands?”

“I demand you have a full nights of sleep, a mental health day, and a night of cuddles, and until you comply with my demands I’m going on a sleep strike”

“Baby.” his voice stern. “Go to bed.”

You smirked, making yourself comfortable “No.” 

“Don’t make me-”

“What? Come home and force me to go to bed? That would mean you’d have to acknowledge that sleep is important and for you to get out of the studio”

“I’m not having this conversation again. I have to get back to work, Good night Baby-”

“Chris… don’t just go…”

“Go to bed. I love you” he hung up the phone before rubbing his temples, his shoulders slumping.

In protest against your boyfriend you stayed up a little longer busying yourself with scrolling through your social media. You were probably at it for about an hour before the sound of your front door opening scared you out of your daze.

You hopped out of bed and grabbed your bat behind your door. Slowly opening the door you prepared to swing your bat at the figure. “Ahhh! What are you doing?!” Chris yelled, catching a glimpse of you winding up your swing. Hearing a familiar yell you released a heavy sigh, and lowered your bat. 

“Chris!? What are you doing here?!” you flipped on a light switch and slumped from the adrenaline. 

“Why do you have a bat? You don’t play baseball?” he placed his hand over his racing heart. 

And then it dawned on your that after weeks of working your boyfriend was finally in front of you in the flesh. Dropping the bat you ran into his arms. Luckily his reflexes were still as sharp as ever as he caught you. “You’re home!” you beamed. 

“I’m home” he chuckled, holding you up in his arms and carrying you into the bedroom. He took a seat at the foot of your bed, holding you on his lap. Cupping your face he pulled you into a sweet kiss. You could taste the familiar watermelon juice on his lips as he deepened it. His hand tangling itself in your hair as he kissed you. You gasped into it, playfully biting his bottom lip while eyeing him. “Mmm… I missed this” he whispered huskily against your skin. His dark brown eyes taking in all of you. “You still haven’t explained to me why you have a bat” he chuckled. 

“Oh it was a gift from Seungmin and Minho since they worried about me living alone” 

His eyes softened as he looked at you. Part of that broke his heart. He loved that his members took care of you, like you were their own sister. Felix often told him how he’d help you run errands to the grocery store, or Changbin would walk you home from work late at night when he couldn't leave the studio. But this cut a little deeper. You didn’t live alone. You lived with him. The two of you got this apartment together. And yet his presence there was fleeting. 

“Chris?” you frowned, smoothing out the furrow in his brow, evidence of his overthinking. 

“You know I love you right?”

“Of course I do” you frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I just think I've been doing a shit job at showing it...But I do love you… You’re my lifeline”

“I know Chris… It’s work I understand… You have priorities”

“You are always my priority” his thumb gently caressed your cheek as he laid back into bed, pulling you into bed with him. “I love you” he whispered against your skin, peppering you with kisses, his sweet I love you's following each one. 

He tugged off your large nightshirt while continuing to worship your body with kisses. His finger tips tracing down your body, making you shiver. He cupped and massage your breast before following through with taking the hardened bud between those full beautiful lips you loved. Your head fell back into the pillows as he playfully teased you.

Removing his own shirt he tossed it haphazardly to the ground. “I love you…” he trailed his kisses lower, down your stomach, past your panties. His long, dexterous fingers disappearing inside the cotton. “You’re already so wet for me…”

“Chris it’s been so long since I could have you…” you whined. He looked up at you , a grin on his mouth as he tugged your panties off and buried his face deep inside you. His tongue delving deeper as his free hand worked your breast. He’d occasionally catch a glimpse of you. Your eyes shut in pleasure as you bit your hand to hold your moans back.

“Let me hear you… I love your voice Baby...Please?” he worked your clit over miraculously, making you so sensitive to his touch. He took out his phone seeing a familiar look on your face. You were so close. He knew that look well. “May I Babygirl?” he asked before hitting record. Whining you nodded, begging for him to continue. “Hm? What was that? I couldn’t quite catch that?” he gave you a cheeky look. 

“Chris yes, just please” your back arched against the mattress desperate to reach your orgasm, as you moved your hips to cause friction on your own.

“I got you Baby” he smiled moving his thumb against your clit a bit hard. This time he was able to record the exact moment you came. Your labored breaths getting more shallow and desperate as you inch closer, begging for him with every fiber of your being. 

He knew that this moment would be one that he’d cherished and he was glad he was able to capture your voice and watched as you came from his fingers. 

And as much as he adored these videos and photos of you there was nothing quite like the moment in real life. 

End

Just a little scene because I was so inspired by that ask I saw on @prettylixie’s page. All credit to them and that anon that planted that idea in my head and I couldn’t sleep until I wrote it.

∘Tags List:

@skzsprinkles @tophuphu @hugs4chan @channieboyo @tonfilm @soobinssmile

[obeymeprompts]

Hello! I was wondering how the boys would react on having MC falling asleep on their shoulder/lap all of a sudden? I need me some good fluff

t.Oh! I need some fluff myself too!

Lucifer

You fell asleep on the Avatar of Pride’s shoulder while helping him organize the Student Council yearly documents. You had been separating the papers in different piles since lunchtime and the room’s natural lighting was no longer enough, but neither of you two had decided to turn on the lights yet. The ambience in the common room of the House of Lamentation was perfectly comforting and dreamlike so you decided to pause the task just a bit to appreciate it.

...That was when you started napping with your head on Lucifer’s cloaked shoulder. Upon noticing that, he didn’t wake you up-- but didn’t cuddle to you either. Focused on whatever task he had at hand like always, Lucifer could only silently enjoy the moment while pretending he didn’t notice you sleep.

Bonus: you woke up to nearly all the work done, but Lucifer was no longer there. He didn’t need to tell you, but it felt like it was your responsability to sort out the last few papers for sleeping in such an inappropriate time!

Mammon

Know that one casino Mammon said humans shouldn’t be wandering around in? Well, when you became closer friends, he actually changed idea and brought you there as a lucky charm. Truth be told, Mammon is a good player and you had a fair share of fun and wins while sneaking out that day -- but you are still a human and while the Avatar of Greed’s thirst for money kept him up, your lids started to feel heavy from so much drinking and partying.

Last thing you remembered was “just closing your eyes a bit” from so much lights in the casino while he played another round of 21. Luckily enough, your sleeping body felt against Mammon’s and not backwards. At first, he tought of waking you up, but such an adorable vision could end up being a rare one so after finishing the round, he sloppily carried you to a couch somewhere else.

Bonus: you woke up to a mumbling, blushed Mammon saying something about “fragile humans”. Upon noticing you were no longer asleep, he quickly moved away from you and suggested going home, just because he is ‘bored already’.

Belphegor

You had something to talk over with the Avatar of Sloth, so you went up to his room and talked for what seemed like five minutes until it felt like his own room had an enveloping haze of sleepiness to itself.

“What is it, (M/C)? You’re feeling unwell?”, Belphegor was nice enough to ask before yawning. Oh, he yawned-- and that made you yawn too-- and caused a cycle of nonstopping more until you were sitting on his bed, then leaning into the mountain of impossibly fluffy pillows until the most delightful sloth took over every single muscle of yours.

“Beel should have told you not to come here around this time--”, he warned in a carefree tone while sprawling his body over the gigantic mattress. You had time and most of your tasks were done, so why not? Sometime in the night you ended up entangled in eachother -- a very messy yet comfortable cuddling that was only possible due to Belphegor’s huge amount of pillows.

Bonus: waking up to Belphegor’s sloth nap was haaaaard, like you hadn’t slept in ages! Maybe it was some aura enveloping the demon, but after leaving you felt completely restored.

Beelzebub

After what happened with Belphegor, you decided to find out what exactly Beel should have told you. The Avatar of Gluttony was having a specially large cup of custard in the common room when you found him.

“Yes. You shouldn’t visit Belphegor around 3PM or the 3AM, or you will---” -- and just then, he started yawning as well, just like Belphegor did yesterday. Sensing that same nonstop cycle of yawns would happen, you forced yourself to not give in as much as you could, at least for some time so you could get an answer from him!

“You-- You visited him. I’m getting sleepy from you--” was literally all Beel could say while intercalating his wide open mouth yawns with custard eating. Fearing he might end up choking while doing that, you only came closer to take the spoon from him and both of you felt asleep, dropping the custard cup all over the couch. 

Leviathan

You were side by side, sitting in the Avatar of Envy’s couch and surrounded by enough snacks and drinks for a whole night, no lights on except for the TV.  It was anime binge night for Leviathan and he invited you to join. The anime plot surrounded something about a young boy who was supposed to pilot a giant mech but got quarrels with his dad and while Levi reassured you it was one of the best anime in the century -- no, in ALL CENTURIES, you had a very hard day working with your tasks and the first episode was just so slow...

Next thing you knew, you woke up in Leviathan’s lap. The anime was paused in a giant robot’s face and Levi had joined you in your slumber, the TV controller still in hand. You tought he’d get angry if you ever napped during one of your binges, but it ends up Levi was also exhausted from the finals.

Bonus: next day, the Avatar of Envy would blush whenever around you and say it was nothing when asked about. Eventually, he would end up scolding you for napping in order to get away from more questions!

Satan

Once you and Satan became closer friends, he started allowing you into his room so you could read and browse books together. In one of these days, you found a very interesting book about human history from the demons point of view and decided to take a peek.

The Avatar of Wrath beckoned you to come closer so he could explain over the chapters instead of having you read it all. You spent some good time shoulder to shoulder, Satan’s whispering voice guiding you in an unique manner over all the eons that crossed both demon and human’s magical history before the relaxation took you over.

Satan didn’t mind it at all. He knew humans, specially modern ones, could handle reading much less than him and so he carefully poised you over his shoulder as he moved to another book of his own interest. Every now and then he would carefully stroke your hair as of he would do to one of a stray cat.

Bonus: “Ah! (M/C), are you feeling restored now? Should we continue from where we stopped?” -- was what he nonchalantly had to say when you woke up, blushed and warm.

Asmodeus

After having you put face cream on his already perfect skin, the Avatar of Lust decided to share some of it with you -- and of course, show your beautiful face some face massage it deserved! Treating you like a doll, he places your head over his thighs, untangles your hair, then proceeds to do the same thing you did to him.

He is specially skilled with his fingers and the cold cream soon makes your whole skin feel both supple and light. You can’t help but close your eyes in pleasure and Asmodeus smiles to himself, proud of his amazing job! However, he must have done a really good job because after some time, you’re no longer responding to his compliments. Noticing you’re asleep, Asmo does the only thing he could right now.

“How selfish of you, (M/C). Starting the beauty sleep without me.”--which is, of course, to set aside two sleeping masks for you two. It’s a day off and he doesn’t want to be bothered by witches, so after setting his phone to flight mode and properly prepping you both, he lays by your side and allows himself to also nap, hand in hand with you.

Bonus: Diavolo!

Diavolo had invited not only Lucifer, but you too for a tea! He wished to get to know the exchanged student better, but why today, when you were completely exhausted?

For as exciting as metting Lord Diavolo could be, you couldn’t stop thinking about your bed. It was already late and the prince had asked Barbatos for more tea and also kept inquiring you about your stay in the Devildom. Had you made any friends? How was the House of Lamentation?

Lucifer, sitting across from you two, couldn’t help but notice your somnolence. He politely suggested Diavolo to let you go home, but the lord replied with something along the lines of “are you jealous?” before laughing radiantly, unwavered. It was no surprise for him when you gave him for a minute, falling asleep on the future ruler of Devildom’s shoulder. Upon noticing this, Diavolo’s eyes widened with fascination as he gestured to you, showing Lucifer the fragile human in its slumber!

“I told you to let them go, it’s not like they don’t have R.A.D. to attend tomorrow”, was what Lucifer said, gladly rescuing you from sleeping at Diavolo’s presence for more than a few minutes. After that, Lord Diavolo allowed you to go back to House of Lamentation, but he spent weeks bothering Lucifer about how adorable humans could be! Just like you were a little pet.

[madibyrd]

TASK #001: THE LAST NORMAL DAY • broken promises

Flight 441 disappeared on October 16th, Friday, but Madi hasn’t heard about it until the following day, well into Saturday. She got home around 6:30am after finishing a 24 hours shift, remembered to send her sister a message that she wouldn’t be able to make it later to their house to lunch, apologizing for it profoundly, and then knocked out and slept a good twelve hours because she was exhausted. It was a long, hard shift, one of the roughest she’s had in months, constant calls through both the day and night with barely a moment to rest, and she needed to refuel herself.

She woke up to an empty house - Talia was off on some conference being awesome -, and a whole bunch of angry messages from her sister along with several missed calls. She wasn’t in the mood to argue with Liz, but she also knew the more she pushed off the call, the angrier her sister would get, so she let out a long breathe, headed to the kitchen to make herself a coffee and called her sister.

“You promised, Madison, you promised you’d come over for lunch and try out Jake’s soup, he was so excited for you to try it.” No hello, no greeting, and Liz even called her Madison. She really was pissed. She turned on the coffee maker to do its magic and then moved to the living room to turn on the news.

“I promised I would try, Liz, that is what I promised. If my shift went okay and I could get some sleep. I didn’t get any, I literally just woke up.”

“You could have set an alarm.”

“And be a useless sack of potatoes when I go over? You know how I am when I don’t get a proper amount of sleep. It was a really hard shift, Liz, I swear, there were several pretty brutal accidents that we were called to, one of them had a whole family... anyway, aside from those, there were two fires as well and two freaking prank calls that lead to nowhere just us in gear going to the furthest of our district when we could have used that time at least to rest. And this was just the night of the shift, don’t even get me started on the rest of the 24 hours. if I could have, I would have made it over there.”

There was a long pause from the other end of the phone.

“No sleep at all?”

“None until I got home,” Madi promised.

A sigh. “Okay, maybe I forgive you, but you’ll still have to make amends with Jake. Starting with trying out his soup. And groveling a little.”

“Give him the phone and I’ll start, but that kid loves me way too much to need that much groveling.” Which really only made it worse, but she even told Liz not to promise anything to her nephew, so if she said anything more than a really weak maybe, it was on her, as far as Madi was concerned. Not that it would stop her from apologizing to Jake, but still.

“He’s out in the garden playing with...” Liz jumped into a long explanation about what Madi’s nephew was doing, but Madi was not listening to any of it, because when she looked up at the tv, all she saw was the flashing headline - “Tragic plane crash - plane still nowhere found”. She quickly turned the volume on and tried to listen, but with Liz in her ears, it wasn’t the easiest of moments. “Liz, sorry to cut you off, but... what is this plane thing they are talking about on the news?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear before? A plane full of people was heading to LA from... not really sure where, some European city, and then it just vanished. Nobody knows what happened or what happened to them, but they didn’t arrive in LA. Everyone’s freaking out.”

“Yeah, I can imagine...”

Madi got her coffee and chatted a little bit longer with her sister, but she wasn’t really there in the head, she kept losing focus to watching the news and trying to figure out what more there is to know about this accident. She didn’t know anyone on the flight, she knew that - Talia would only be flying back home the next day and nobody else she knew or were close to were planning flying anywhere anytime soon - but still, it wouldn’t leave her mind. To the point where after a couple of hours (which included trying to distract herself and talking to her nephew, promising him that she would try his soup soon), she reached for her phone to text her coworker about the flight, that turned into a phone call that turned into the two of them googling if there were any need for volunteers to go and help with the search.

They found a phone number, they called it, and in less than an hour they were already set to fly to LA, from where the boat they would be on would leave. Their boss wasn’t happy about the development, but he also understood the sentiment, and it wasn’t the first time one of his firefighters went off to volunteer somewhere else. They would make it it work.

The harder conversation for Madi was her family - her parents already didn’t like that her profession included running into burning buildings and risking her own life. They’ve accepted it at this point with grumbles and occasional suggestions to other jobs (her mom’s pitches really were ridiculous, “I’ve heard tv reporters got hundreds of thousands of dollars yearly. Madi, my dear, you love talking, don’t you think that would be a fine job for you?”), but they didn’t like the idea of Madi putting herself in other type of danger, even though Madi insisted she wouldn’t actually be in danger. She would be on a boat, she wouldn’t do the actual dive work, she’d just help out whenever she could (technically she didn’t know what her job would be, but if she said that, her parents would imagine her dangling feets above the water on a hook without any safety, and nobody wanted that). They ended the call on “let’s talk about this more tomorrow” and Madi told them she’d call them from LA. They were not happy about it at all.

Her sister was... both more and less understanding. She was mostly annoyed she’d have to tell a 9 years old her auntie would have to disappear for a while and no, he wouldn’t be able to come over or play with her. And then turned on the worried sister mode and made Madi promise that she would be careful and not do anything stupid like jump into the water to save somebody. Madi did promise. Her best friend simply made her promise to bring her some souvenire and told her that she admired her for wanting to do this and then they spent the rest of the call talking about the guy she was seeing and how she got to a whole new level on one of the video games she was playing at the time that Madi didn’t understand but liked listening to her friend talk about it.

The last conversaion, and weirdly the one that she was both the most anxious and not at all about was Talia. She didn’t call her, she just sent a text - neither of them were really the calling type, and they very rarely actually talked, usually just texted.

[Madi]: So, I’m not going to be home for a while... [Talia]: What have you done? [Madi]: I might have volunteered on one of the rescue teams for that flight that disappeared, did you see that? Or were you too wrapped up in your historical facts? [Talia]: Madiiiiii [Madi]: Yes, that’s my name, though I usually use a lot less i’s :P [Talia]: Your desire to act like a hero can be quite annoying sometimes, you know [Talia]: I was looking forward to a chill night on the couch tomorrow, watching some dumb movie [Talia]: But I guess you’ve already decided, right? [Madi]: Yeah, I fly out to LA tomorrow. We’re just missing each other [Talia]: Somebody is gonna write a book about you and they are going to interview me and I will tell them about that time you got home at 3am and spent an entire hour singing itsy bitsy spider on the foot of my bed, crying about how much spiders are misunderstood and mistrusted even though they are the cutest things on the planet [Madi]: HEY! [Talia]: I know, I know, it’s bees [Talia]: And speaking of them, I won’t have to deal with them, right? [Madi]: Nope, I’m gonna check on them before I leave, they can take care of themselves while I’m gone, you don’t have to go anywhere near them [Talia]: You’re amazing [Madi]: Now tell me about your super historical, super nerdy presentation, did it go okay?

They chatted for a little while longer, Madi happily hearing about Talia’s presentation, being so proud of her. She might have not been there to see it, but she was sure Talia rocked it. And they could celebrate when they would be both back in Boston.

It was evening by the time she was done with everything, and she ate some leftovers from the fridge, watched a sitcom episode on Netflix, and then went to bed early. She wasn’t in the mood for anything else, she was excited to help in something so huge and curious what she would have to do, what kind of job she would be trusted upon. The next day she flew to LA with her partner and spent the remaining of her days on the boat, searching and searching for the disappeared plane without any kind of luck before the fateful accident happened and she’d end up on Meridium.

What she didn’t realize on this Saturday night is that these interactions would become the last she had with them. She talked to Talia and her sister during the trip, and she exchanged a couple of LA memes with her best friend, but there was no end, no goodbye, no finality to any of it. Promises, however, of her return that much more. And all of them would be broken the moment she washed ashore on the sandy beach of Meridium.

[quarantinebreakup412081121]

Day 273 - “Hey so I’m garbage”

“Hey so I’m garbage

I’m talking to someone didn’t know how to bring it up and/or wanted to wait until holidays were over but then I would ruin your damn year already if I wait so fuck it.  I’m sorry, could have handled it way better but I guess that’s just classic ------”

That’s the message I received last night.

That’s the message I received after he apologized 5 weeks ago and said that he handled ending things with us poorly and that I deserved better and even during the years we were together that I deserved better.  “You meant a lot to me, maybe I wasn’t the best at articulating that or showing it but you’re really all I had. A job and you, unfortunately I focused more on the job and im sorry for that” were his actual words.

He also hit me with the “you’re an amazing person... and you deserve someone that will smother you in the affection and attention you deserve.  I’m the one that failed you.”

He said he had a lot of things to work on.

Well he has apparently miraculously fixed all of the issues he had within 5 weeks because he’s dating someone new.  So all of the things he couldn’t or wouldn’t do for or with me-- and the basic boyfriend-in-a-relationship things that he fought against doing constantly- I guess those have magically sorted and he’s ready to move on.

That’s sarcasm and very unlikely- but what’s more realistic is that he intentionally treated me the way he did because he could.  And he continued to do it because he wanted to and he knew I would pretend it was fine.  And he didn’t show me respect throughout most of our relationship, and he’s continuing to treat me like that now as well.  Maybe it made him feel powerful and in charge.  I don’t know.  I’ll never know.  It sounds to me like he lied to me about everything he said in his apology and probably only brought that stuff up because he was talking to someone new and wanted to clear his conscience of whatever microscopic amount of "guilt” he was feeling.

He has done a stupendous job of finding unexpected and creative ways to hurt me, put me down, and make me feel worthless.  But last night took the fucking cake.  No, honestly, that even beat his “It’s not working out. We should move on.” text back in March on Day 1.

“It’s not working out.  We should move on.” after 5 years and 2 months.  In the months leading up to it, there was no Christmas present, no anniversary acknowledgement, no Valentine, and no idea as to why I was hurt by any of that...  Then he blessed me with the breakup initiation via text.

Some people are trash and I get that.  But how did I allow myself to date one of them for 5 years?  Someone close to me told me that I shouldn’t let him control how I’m feeling- but that it made sense that I was feeling this way and that it’s the same way people in abusive relationships still have emotional connections to their abusers and have a hard time getting past things even though they’re in a better situation away from the abuser.  That’s the closest thing I can compare this to.  Don’t get it twisted-- there was never any physical abuse, but emotionally... it’s the worst I’ve ever been treated by anyone.

He’s an asshole, so of course he dropped that on me last night, when he knows I’m still celebrating and enjoying Christmas.  And I was.  In fact, I was enjoying it and not stressed about him at all because we’d been talking again recently and while it wasn’t with the intention of leading into another relationship- it was nice to have that gap in my heart temporarily filled during this time of year.  But he couldn’t wait until January- when nothing of significance was happening, when I’d be able to take my time and process things and work my way through this heartache all over again.  Nope, that fucker made sure that he hit me when and where it would hurt the absolute most.  I suppose at least he didn’t do it right before actual Christmas, and he probably expects me to be grateful to him for that.  Of course.

Last night when I read his messages, my entire body felt like it was on fire and my eyes started to swell up, and that sensation spread across my whole face.  I was with my family so I fought to hold in the tears and sniffles.  I stopped the Christmas movie that I was watching because I don’t want this to be the feeling I associate with it the next time I watch it.  I put on Avengers Endgame because that’s my “make me feel better” movie.  Not sure why- but it usually works, at least a little.  I cried.  I stared at the message and kept opening it to read it over and over again.  I wondered why he wanted to do this to me now.  Weren’t we trying to be civil and remain friends?  Isn’t that what was happening for the last few weeks?  I broke down and let it all out to a friend who was texting me to find out if I wanted to use his account to watch the new Wonder Woman movie.  He was sweet and kind and tried to make me feel better, but it didn’t fix anything.  I texted my best friend, even though I didn’t want to because she’s dealt with a lot lately and I didn’t want to throw a wet towel on her and her family’s happy Christmas break.  But I didn’t know what else to do.  I broke down and cried to my mom.  I tend to avoid talking to her about things that have to do with my ex because she didn’t like him (didn’t like the way he treated me, he was condescending, and he could come off as just being downright rude a lot of the time) but I couldn’t keep it in, no matter how hard I tried.  She brought up a lot of valid points and tried to make me feel better, but despite my ability to understand what she was saying and agree with her on all of it, it still didn’t do much in the way of helping how I was feeling.

I’ve never been so livid in my life.  I’ve never felt so sad and angry and dejected and hurt and hopeless and betrayed all at once and I couldn’t process it; to be honest, I’m still having quite a bit of trouble with it.  I went to sleep around 3am, still watching Endgame.  It didn’t really help but it didn’t hurt.

I laid there for hours, not actively crying, but tears were streaming out of my eyes constantly.  I had to take my hoodie off because the sleeve was soaked through.  I woke up feeling like I’d fallen and hit every part of my body at once, just one huge ache.  I couldn’t eat breakfast.  I ran errands.  We got things done, but for me it felt like 3 hours of anxiety attacks coming and going.  I started to feel anxious and panicked being in stores and around people and it felt like some sort of strange sensory overload that I have never in my life experienced.  I indirectly took it out on my mom a tiny bit without realizing it, and I beat myself up internally for doing that.  I got home and asked my brother to make a post office run for me so I wouldn’t have to go out around people again today.  I haven’t eaten anything in over 24 hours.  I have no desire to.  I need to make myself drink some water because I don’t think I’ve had water all day either.

His message is still sitting there... showing as read but not replied to on Snapchat.  I don’t know what to say or how to reply.  I want to say all of the things I’ve posted on this blog over the last year... I want to yell at him and scream at him and make him understand what he’s done to me for the last year (plus 5) and make him feel some of what I’m feeling. But somehow I feel like that would just give him some strange feeling of satisfaction and he’d be content knowing that he obliterated me and he’s moving along without a second thought.  It’s not fair how this is all unfolding. It hasn’t been fair for the last 6 years and it’s continuing down the same path again and I can’t take it.  I just can’t.

And in reference to the first line of his message.  Garbage doesn’t try to hurt you and ruin as much as it can for you then skip away like, “lol, but fuck it, that’s just classic me, rightttt???  lol haha lollllll”

Speaking of “haha” and “lol”-- I am just this second realizing that his increased usage of emojis and little fillers like “haha” and “lol” were probably things he started doing to change and improve his communication for this new girl he’s talking to, and I just got some of it because that was the default mode he was already in for her.  I fucking hate him so much I don’t even have words... but maybe later tonight I will, and I’ll write another post.

[readyplayerhobi]

Caramel Latte

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 2k

; Synopsis: You take Hoseok to a popular convention as a birthday present and get to see him in his element for once.

; A/N: Short and sweet, don’t expect much from it! :)

Peppermint 01

-

Saturday mornings are normally for sleeping in. Or at least, they are at Hoseok’s place you’ve discovered. He liked to either game or watch films till the early hours of the morning with you before crashing in bed for the next few hours. The lack of work the next day meant that he fully engaged in his night owl activities, even if you preferred to be in bed by 11. 

Recent events mean that sometimes he’ll change it up a little and go to bed at 2am instead of 3am, only he’ll spend that remaining time entertaining himself with you instead. Apparently, you were a worthy enough distraction to break him away from his important gaming sessions.

What that means normally, is that you can’t raise the man until at least 10am. Sometimes even 11. Or, after that intense StarCraft session he’d had the other month, 1pm. You’d soon discovered that your boyfriend sleeps like a rock and is nigh on impossible to wake until he’s ready, but you can never find it in yourself to be annoyed at him when he sleeps so cutely.

Dark hair a messy pile on his head, soft lashes creating dark shadows on his cheeks while his lips pursed out in the sweetest pout. And that’s to say nothing of the odd positions he gets himself into during the night hours. Yes, he’s a cute sleeper along with being a very, very deep sleeper.

But not today. Today, Jung Hoseok had woken far earlier than you had. In fact, by the time you were blinking blearily at the clock on the hotel bedside table he’d already showered and was halfway into his clothes. 

It takes you a few moments to recognise what you’re looking at before you’re sighing and rolling your eyes with a slight smile. A month ago, for his 31st birthday, you’d surprised him with tickets to GeekinCon, the largest pop culture convention in the country. It was ridiculously expensive, but it had been worth it to see his face light up with sheer excitement in a way that you’d never seen before.

He hadn’t even been this excited when you’d gotten together, or the first time you’d slept together. Which had made it all the more sweeter when he’d bounced, no vibrated, on the sofa next to you with the biggest smile on his face.

The last month had thus been spent with Hoseok frantically spending his free time constructing an outfit to wear. You hadn’t particularly understood what on earth he was on about at first, until he’d shown you pictures and you’d realised with growing horror that your awkward boyfriend, so shy that he flushed just being looked at, wanted to dress up as one of his favourite comic book characters.

And not only that, he’d wanted you to dress up too.

You hadn’t wanted to, but it was hard to say no when you’re notoriously timid and nervous boyfriend was so willing to do it. So you’d said yes, and he’d happily made a costume for you too.

Which meant that you spend the next hour getting ready and carefully applying makeup to match the character he’d chosen. But you have to admit, it’s completely worth it as you both stand in front of the full length mirror that hangs on the back of the bathroom door and you get to see the blindingly white smile of Hoseok’s, the heart shape taking over while his eyes narrowed into crescents of pure happiness.

God, you were so whipped for this guy.

He’d chosen to dress as Doctor Strange, meaning that he had a rather magnificent looking red cape over his blue outfit and an intricate looking chain around his neck. You weren’t familiar with the comics, but you’d seen the film and thought he looked pretty damn good either way.

Benedict Cumberbatch, eat your heart out.

And he also looked rather dashing with the white streaking through the sides of his hair, the top gelled back off his forehead. He’d had to forego the whole moustache business, but still. Hoseok made a rather enchanting Steven Strange.

Given the short time frame and the amount of time he’d spent on his own, and boy was it a surprise discovering that he could sew and all that, your own costume was much simpler. The Scarlet Witch from the film universe, made easier as all it had truly required was buying matching clothing. He’d made mutterings that the purists wouldn’t like it, but you didn’t understand what he was on about honestly.

It just made him happy to have you dress up with him, so you did it.

You thought it looked nice though, and the red leather jacket was pretty enough that you were pretty positive that you were going to wear it after the convention. It was easily recognisable who you both were thankfully and you were just content that he was.

The next hour is spent just getting into the convention centre itself, waiting in the queue before finally being let loose in the cavernous halls. You’ve never been to one before, and you can’t help but look around in admiration at the sheer scale of everything.

The main floor is split into booths, with each one being occupied by a different company or series. Some are purely sales booths, hawking their posters and figurines to the legions of equally geeky people walking around while other booths are gargantuan monoliths to the game, film or television series they’re promoting.

They’re full on with a complete immersion of the senses with your eyes and ears being bombarded with lights and music, almost to the point of it all being a little overwhelming.

You see a full scale police car advertising some zombie horror game along with an incredible display of cool models at the Marvel stand, the very sight of it making Hoseok practically squeal with excitement. In fact, you seem to spend a lot of time taking photographs of him stood in front of a lot of the stuff while he smiles and poses brightly.

It’s cute, and his sheer enthusiasm for the whole event is infectious. 

“Come on, t-take a picture with me! We have to! It’s Thor’s hammer and Cap’s shield!” Hoseok says eagerly, gesturing to you before leaning forward and taking your hand. Your cheeks heat slightly at the sight of everyone waiting for you both to finish so they too can have a turn before you lift up your phone and turn it into selfie mode.

The screen fills with both your faces and you angle it until you have the models in view as well; Hoseok’s smile so vivid that it’s all you can see when your thumb snaps the photo. Before you can even say anything, he’s taken your phone and is pleadingly asking the next person to take a proper photo.

You’re beyond fascinated that your introverted boyfriend has suddenly become this extroverted ball of animation. He didn’t even stutter when asking that and you just look up at him with wide eyes as the photo is taken. The phone is handed back to you by the person, who you only just note is wearing a Captain America outfit.

“You two are cute together.” He says, grinning before standing in place while Hoseok’s reaches for your hand once more, fingers twining together before he’s pulling you through the crowd.

It’s only when he stops in front of the DC booth that you get a chance to run your hand along his arm, getting his attention as he looks down with a raised brow. A bit of his hair has slipped out of position and is laid against his forehead roguishly, causing you to reach up and move it out of the way.

“What’s up? Are you okay? Do you need the restroom? Are you hungry? I think the food place is over th-” You stop him with a hand to his chest, letting it rest there against the smooth clothing before your fingers play with the chains of his necklace idly.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy. Or confident.” He pauses for a moment, lips pursing before they turn up in a bashful smile, his cheeks turning a soft golden pink as he looks down at your interlinked hands.

“I love these things. It’s...everything I love in one place. I’m too excited to be shy. Besides, everyone here is like me. Nerdy, and I think a lot of them want to pretend to be someone else too. And I get to share it all with you.” Hoseok looks around wistfully, biting his lip and you look around too.

There’s plenty of other people who are dressed up as their favourite characters, being stopped by random people for photographs as they pose happily. You’d both been stopped plenty of times already, and you’d watched with wide eyed amazement as Hoseok of all people had posed with plenty of vigour and excitement every time.

This was the man that was often too shy to take photos properly  with youand yet you were pretty sure that you had more photos today on your phone of him than from the last 9 months of dating. He really had become another person when he’d put on that cosplay, and you enjoyed his bout of self-confidence.

“That’s good, I’m glad that you’re happy and enjoying it. We’ll have to do this again then. Only you can have more time for your outfit.” Hoseok’s eyes brighten, the harsh lighting of the centre making them almost look like they sparkle as his smile spreads once more. You’re half convinced that he’s never going to smile again after today because he’s done it so much.

“Really? You’d really come back? Or go to another? With me? And dress up?” Snorting, you lean into him and push him towards the DC booth where a giant Batmobile is set up. Despite his avid arguments, you know that he secretly loves everything DC just as much Marvel.

“Yes, I’ll go with you again. This is nice, it’s like I’m seeing an unfiltered you. You cranked up to eleven. The you that I know and love but in public. And next time, I want to be Batgirl and you can be my Batman.” He looks dubious at that for a moment, eyes narrowing as you wait in line for the new photo op.

“I dunno...I don’t think I’d suit a Batman. I’m not...buff. Nor am I all,” He proceeds to make some unintelligible noises that are a few octaves below his normal voice, causing you to laugh. “No...I can be...ooh, Nightwing. He has a cool suit.”

“Sure babe, you can be whoever you want. As long as you keep smiling at me like that and looking this happy, I don’t care.” Hoseok looks at you for a moment, eyes scanning you over before he smiles big and presses his lips to your forehead firmly.

“I love you. Have I told you that today?” You smile and shake your head almost childishly, enjoying the way he looks at you so purely. Once you go home, you have no doubt that he’ll revert back to himself but for now, you just want to enjoy this outgoing Hoseok in his element.

“Well I do. I love you, and thank you.” His voice starts off strong before tailing off, cheeks reddening while his eyes lose their confidence as you stare at him firmly. There he is; your Jung Hoseok is still there. Just hidden for a little while.

That’s fine, you think to yourself as you tell him you love him too and wrap your arms around his waist, as long as you’re happy.

[skizzlers]

A list of every Sonic game I've played in the order I like them because I couldn't sleep at 3am. (Didn't include Sonic Advance 1-3 because it's been too long since I've played it. Also 90% of these have good soundtracks so I didn't really touch on it.)

1. Sonic Mania

All time favorite because I'm a very nostalgic person and this game feels like a love-letter to my childhood. Every detail is thought of, it feels like you're playing every side-scrolling Sonic game at once!

2. Sonic the Hedgehog 3

First Sonic game I really remember playing. I adored Tails (still do!) And I used to fly around all the levels to see what Sonic couldn't reach. Also the save feature and ability to re-visit levels was super sweet!

3. Sonic Adventure 2

My favorite 3d Sonic game. I love the different gameplay styles that come with the different characters, and THE CHAO GARDEN!!! The bosses are a little weird, considering you're kinda beating yourself when you switch sides? (Knuckles vs Rouge, Shadow vs Sonic) Also this game has a sick soundtrack!

4. Sonic the Hedgehog 2

This game was much easier for me to get the hang of as a kid compared to the original. Took me years to beat because of the lack of a save feature though, and I never got past the third special stage. Overall just generally fun to play! You really feel like a speedy blue hedgehog, and the stages are memorable.

5. Sonic CD

Never really got to play this one until my teens. Haven't beat it yet, haven't had the time. I like the added challenge of making good futures too instead of just g o f a s t. The levels are a bit more complex and more puzzling than your other 2d Sonic games, but not frustratingly so like in the original.

6. Sonic Generations

Ironicly enough this was my first introduction to the modern boost mechanic. I liked how the stages worked in both styles, and the hub-world is fun to jump around in and isn't confusing at all. Also, I like collecting things in videogames, and there is a bit of that required to progress, although Cream beating my ass in the chao levels is frustrating to say the least.

7. Sonic Adventure

I understand this is an old videogame but the graphics make it a little hard to take seriously. When I know where I am supposed to go the stages are fun but who the fuck thought fishing would be fun in a Sonic game? Big's entire character is like someone sat down and said, "do you know what Sonic isn't? Slow and tedious! Let's add that to the game!" Also I like the variety in character options and story perspectives. (Not to mention classic memes like Knuckles' oh no)

8. Sonic Spinball

Another classic! Few but interesting levels. Not much else to say really, I liked the text commentary.

9. Sonic 3d Blast

I've noticed a lot of people say this is one of the worst Sonic games but I enjoy it! Like I said earlier, I like collecting things though.

10. Sonic Riders

I always kinda sucked at this game. Might've been more fun if I wasn't a solo gamer however. I liked the battle royale mode better than the main game to be honest. I like the character variety and the differing skill sets, and the stages themselves are fun to ride through and mess around with but the cpus are t o u g h. I would like this game a bit better if you could adjust the difficulty.

11. Sonic & Knuckles

I loved Mushroom Hill Zone and how it phases through the seasons, but I always died in Flying Battery Zone, and if I didn't Sandopolis zone would usually drain my will to go on with it's looping segments and light gimmik. I really enjoy being able to climb walls and access different spaces with Knuckles though! And the special stages were pretty fun.

12. Sonic the Hedgehog

Ah, the game that started it all. Classic. Green Hill Zone is fun as can be even without the spindash, but Marble Zone really takes all of that speedy fun to a halt with its small spaces and lava pits. Don't even get me started on goddamn Labrinth Zone... nothing kills my drive to continue the game than that zone. Aside from the two afformentioned zones, the rest are pretty fun!

13. Shadow the Hedgehog

I feel like this game is a bit underrated because it stars Sir Edgelord, but I enjoyed it a lot! The style and feel reminded me a lot of Sa2, and I like how your actions can affect your alignment and your ending. Unfortunantly my copy was badly scratched and I could only achieve a handful of the endings.

14. Sonic Unleashed

I only recently got this game. It's ok. I liked playing the normal stages as Sonic, but I wasn't a huge fan of the werehog stages, they just don't feel like Sonic to me. They're growing on me a little but that goddamn fight music is annoying as fuck. Sonic games are known for good music, but what do we get anytime you touch an enemy at night? Bland generic fight music that sounds like it belongs in the Incredibles or James Bond. It doesn't fit sonic at all. If something as simple as the battle music was better, I'd like this game a lot more. The werehog stages in general just don't feel like Sonic. They're slow and focus on brute strength. They could have just had Knuckles fill that role. I like a little-bit of the puzzle solving but again - Tails. Sonic doesn't need to do everything.

15. Sonic Heroes

Wow, Heroes at the bottom of my list? Shocker! I know this is a more popular one but I'm just not a fan. In theory it sounds like a good idea to handle teams of characters with different abilities, but I prefer to control these characters one at a time. I don't like constantly needing to shift between characters just to progress in one stage. I must confess, the game is growing on me however.

[lesbianambulon]

Going to college/uni with Rodimus headcanons

Based off a conversation I had. High key self indulgent lol because I'm a college student and I'm love Roddy and I want motivation? Sdkfjk. This is Roddy and a gender neutral s/o.

• Roddy may have one brain cell but sometimes he has two and it'll show

• Often late to class, sometimes he's late because he stopped for snacks, got there early one time and was weirded out

• Unironically drinks the Cybertronian equivalent of red bull

• Falls asleep in class sometimes, but somehow still remembers the topic. One time you were worried because you tried to shake him and he didn't wake up. Class was over, oh my god roddy please wake up

• Unsurprisingly, he's always there to support you, regardless of his own grades. You could be writing a single paragraph and he's there with pom poms cheering you on

• He loves you

• It'll be like 3am and you are trying to finish homework and he'll randomly suggest going on a drive with him

• How can you say no to that

• You might fall asleep though but he's 200% okay with that

• Whenever you DO end up falling asleep anywhere he'll gently pick you up and tuck you into bed

• Pulls pranks a lot, got in a lot of trouble once but you vouched for him

• Totally ran down the hallway with a speaker playing the Shrek soundtrack

• Occasionally dorms get really cold in the winter. He'll radiate heat to keep you warm. (Or you could just snuggle him, either way he'd prefer the latter)

• He has straight A's in music classes. You know this man has every Bon Jovi song memorized

• Actually really likes human history and culture classes, finds them super fascinating, manages to pass these classes rather well

• The 80's are his favorite era. Goes low key feral when they get to that decade in class

• You have to help him with all the STEM subjects though. Doesn't understand anything in algebra. Please help him

• What the hell is he majoring in anyway

• Sometimes he'll wait outside in his alt mode to take you somewhere immediately after class. One time he got a parking ticket by campus police

• He will go to parties/clubs sometimes, but only if you're comfortable to go with him and will only dance with you

• Brings you food all the time, you never have to worry about going hungry because he will fucking raid the nearest supermarket

• Mandatory cuddle sessions

• You two play a lot of video games, there's several consoles in your shared room. Always trying to one up each other. Super Smash Bros for HOURS

• He mains Ryu, either of the Belmonts, or Snake. Occasionally as Chrom or Incineroar. He likes Bayonetta but will never admit it. One time you annihilated him playing as Isabelle and he laughed for ten minutes

• Despite everything he's incredibly proud of you for trying your best and working so hard. Looks at you with such adoration in his eyes

• If you're having a bad day and you skipped class, he'll just hold you in silence and you'll fall asleep

• Will probably fight the sun if it upset you in any way. I mean he yelled at God one time

• Summer vacation is always so lit. Takes you everywhere. Loves to go to the beach with you. Road trips, concerts, and travelling are his favorite things to do when he's out with you.

• Winter breaks are always full of the both of you sleeping all day and watching movies

• Don't let him in the chemistry building please he's flammable

• Sometimes in class, he'll be distracted and stare at the wall while lost in thought, and you swear you can almost hear Africa quietly playing in his head

• Finals week is chaotic when was the last time either of you slept. Roddy's unconcious on the floor and you're about to start astral projecting any second now

• One time, to motivate him, you told him for every page of his paper he wrote, he'd get kisses. He wrote that 10 page paper in one night let me tell ya

• Supportive, loving dork boyfriend

[whoever-iwant-tobe]

It wasn’t meant to be a long game. (part 3 of ?)

David x Natalie– 

Sorry this took so long!

honestly, what I imagine their history and life to be. Obviously this is made up, but some of the actual timeline stuff is most positively messed up because my memory is shit so just pretend my timeline is entirely fictional so that you aren’t holding me to any type of standards. This is my first fic ever and is probably teeming with errors (part 3).

Warnings: still none yet, maybe part 4? we shall see!

____________________________

When the hug ended, you smiled at each other and went your separate ways into your rooms, to bed. After the conversation-- after the hug that made you feel safer than anything else in your life-- the two of you became a lot physically closer. Your shoulders would be pressed up against one another on the couch, in his bed editing. You’d bump one another as you walked side by side, and you were rarely more than 10 feet away from one another at any given time. That hug was like an unspoken commitment, but it didn’t mean you were more than friends. 

The next thing started with a fight.

It was a fight about a vlog, one of the primary things you two would bicker about. He could no longer edit without you, which meant you had a pretty big role in his posting twice weekly. It would have been 3 times weekly if you hadn’t staged a whole ass intervention to save everyone in the VS’s sanity (but mostly yours and David’s). This time you were both laid back in his bed (not weird), it was nearing 3am, and everyone else had gone home. You watched him work and consulted on every miniscule decision as he put together another 4 minutes and 20 seconds of footage to share with millions of people.

David wanted to include yet another confession of yet another instagram model confessing his love to him while he denies them. He got a weird kick out of it, while you couldn’t help but feel bad for the girls. You know they agreed to include the footage, and some of them probably only participated for clout, but it was frustrating nonetheless.

It wasn’t that you thought he had feelings for any of those girls. You knew David well enough to know that he doesn’t operate like that. He’s a heart guy. If he doesn’t love you as a person, inside and out, and have a genuine friendship-love connection, there will not be a sexual connection. 

It frustrated you because you knew how much it hurt him when you did that to him as a teenager. You knew how much he resented and internalized it. You’d heard it from his friends. It’s no secret what a blow it was to his ego. You don’t think it’s fair that he’s doing it to the girls. like it’s some weird form of payback by proxy.

You also knew you had no business correcting him, but you did it anyways.

“That’s so fucking obnoxious” you mutter under your breath.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing”

“No, what’s fucking obnoxious? Tell me”

“I just don’t think it’s right that you are exploiting another girl like that. Like she has feelings you know” you blurt out.

David just rolls his eyes and keeps editing. But you already started laying into him, so why stop now.

“David, you know what it’s like to be rejected. Why are you broadcasting these girl’s rejections all over the internet?” You sat up on the bed where you’d been lounging next to him.

“They literally gave permission. What the fuck do you want from me?” now he was getting defensive.

“I want you to think about how other people feel for once in your life!” 

He just stared back at you, shocked. You two bickered, yeah. But this was kind of a low blow for you. And it wasn’t even true. You knew David cared about people. He cared a LOT about people. He wouldn’t use footage if someone really didn’t want it out there (barring a few special circumstances) and he was actually really thoughtful and caring when he wasn’t over the top stressed about getting a vlog out.

After the words flew out of your mouth, a big part of you regretted them. But another part of you really was mad at him. Maybe you were mad that he was exploiting those girls’ feelings. Or maybe you were mad because you hurt his all those years ago. Or maybe you were mad because you had real feelings for him and you had no fucking clue where his head was at and it fucking sucked.

You grabbed the pillow that had been between the two of you, hugged it tight to your chest and face, and shouted “UGH!” to avoid just word vomiting everything you were thinking. It helped.

When you uncovered your face, David was still staring at you, puzzled.

You could see in his face that he was trying to work out why you were suddenly so mad about this. You’d never said anything before when he did this with Cindy or Tana or Kelsey all those months ago. Why now?

“Nat, what’s this about?” his voice was soft now. His eyes dug into yours, looking for an answer. “This can’t be about her.”

“No David, it’s about you.” Your words are less aggressive than before, but they still come out harsher than you’d like.

“Nat, what’s going on?”

“I just don’t want you to regret hurting them publicly. Regretting something like that really sucks, and sometimes you have to regret it for a fucking long time.”

That was a half truth, at least. The wheels were turning in his head. He turned his body to face yours, pulling his leg to the side so he could sit up straight too. His eyes still staring into yours.

“This is about me. Is this about us?”

You’d had a lot of deep conversations since the tides had turned and the two of you’d become closer, but this was the one subject you hadn’t broached since the brief mention of regrets on that flight to Boston.

Back into the pillow you went, face buried, avoiding. You stayed there, and he waited. You could hear him shift, leaning into the headboard. You could feel his eyes still on you.

“Natalie, it’s okay.”

Silence.

“Nat, I’m a big boy. My feelings aren’t hurt because you rejected me in high school, if that’s what this is about.”

You release a puff of air into the pillow. Still not coming out.

“Come on Nat. It’s really fine. Look, now I have boring insta models in love with me! I’ve recovered!” he jokes. He’s trying real hard to get you to come out of your pillow. He can’t see your eyes roll.

He puts a hand on your back and you melt into it. He pats you right between your shoulder blades, trying to comfort you. You take a breath and finally sit up. His hand falls off your back, but stays right next to your hip on the bed. 

“I don’t just regret hurting your feelings. I mean I do, but that’s not it.”

Now he’s picking at a loose thread from your hoodie right where his hand had landed on the bed, face puzzled still, trying to figure out your point. You were good with words, but way better when rehearsed.

Now it was your turn to talk. “David I have regretted so much for the past 10 fucking years, but the biggest thing is not letting myself feel what I felt. I didn’t let myself even have a chance and it was so fucking stupid. And now we’re here and I get to watch girls throw themselves at you and then I have literally no fucking clue where your head is at and you’re like the most important person in my life and it’s just all so fucked up. And it’s all my fucking fault.”

Silence. So you keep talking.

“You said you didn’t want to lose me, but I don’t want to lose you EVER. Not now or in a year or when you eventually find some model to marry. And it’s such bullshit for me to even be telling you this or to make you feel bad because it’s my fault.”

More silence.

“You know what. I should go. I think I need a vacation. I’ll see if Taylor is ready to cover for me or I’ll call Cas. I’ve got to..”

“Natalie.” He finally speaks, gently.

“What?” It comes out like a bite, full defense mode now. You said way more than you meant to and there was no going back now.

“Why do you think I’m going to marry a model?”

Of course THAT’S the part he dwells on. This time, you lean back into the headboard and bring the pillow up to cover your face. “UGH!” you groan again.

He laughs and pulls the pillow down, resting it in your lap and holding it there with your hands so you can’t hide again.

“You know that’s not my type. Besides, WE’RE married. Jason said so!” He’s really trying to get you to laugh now, and it works.

You let out a small laugh, and his hands that were holding the pillow down go to grab your arms atop the pillow as well. His thumb rubs at your arm softly. You finally look back at him.

“Natalie, remember how I was in love with you at 14?”

“Obviously, I think that’s how I got myself into this mess”

“Well I don’t feel that way anymore.”

“Great”

“No, when I was 14, I thought I loved you because you were cute and athletic and laughed at my jokes.”

“Awesome”

“But now, you’re still all those things, but you’re also like sooo much more. So I feel so much more too. You’re strong, you’re fucking hilarious, you get shit done, and you make me feel so much better than I ever did before. I feel secure with you here.”

You look in his eyes. It’s easy to tell that he’s being sincere. He keeps rubbing your arm, and you move your other hand to hold onto his wrist while you think.

But then you let go. “Why do you always act like you’ve been insulted when people insinuate something is going on between us? And I’m always the assistant, never the best friend or even friend.” The pain from those instances is coming back.

The hand that you’d let go, he grabs with his own. “I have spent so much time trying to not feel anything for you, first because I felt like I didn’t deserve you after everything when we were kids. Then because of Shawn.”

“Well why now? Why still?”

“You really wanna know? It’s a fucking list.” You nod. “One, because we’ve been friends forever and if we fuck that up I’ll never forgive myself. Two, you’re the ONLY person who can do what you do for me and I don’t want to fuck that up. Three, I still don’t fucking deserve you. I’ll fuck it up like I did with Liza and then everything will be fucked. Oh and four, I don’t want the fans to destroy you and I don’t know what they’d do.”

“Well then I guess we’ve been worrying about the same shit” you laugh. He smiles. “You didn’t fuck up with Liza though. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for that. That was a team effort and no one deserves blame.”

“Yeah, but I can’t lose you like I lost her.” David looks down at your hands tangled together. You lift one to his cheek to bring him to look at you.

“How many times do I have to tell you, you aren’t going to lose me. Ever.”

You both stayed still and silent for a moment. And soon it was a moment too long. You couldn’t take the silence. “I’m gonna go to bed. Let’s finish the edit tomorrow. The people will live.” You get up and start walking around the bed and to the door.

It takes David a second to realize what’s happening, but he gets up and follows you, grabbing you by the shoulder as you’re about to cross into the hallway. You turn to face him.

“Wait,” he breathes. “Stay here.” 

Without even realizing what was happening, David’s mouth was on yours. Who moved first? It didn’t matter. What mattered right now was that your heart felt like it grew wings and your stomach flipped in all the right ways. His hands held your face and yours held on to his waist. Then his hands fell to your hips, pulling you closer towards him. When you pulled back to take a breath, you could see the need in his eyes, and your heart urged you to get closer to him. This kiss was 10 years coming.  You were not ready to let it end.

“Ok,” you responded. “I’ll stay.”

--------------------------

So this took me days because I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to get to my end game. I think I have one more chapter in me, but it might be a little steamier. I didn’t have a full plan when I started, so apologies if my continuity is a bit off!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

*insert lame & corny end of year summation post here*:

hmm. 2019. funny that the decade is almost over. but this year has been tumultuous, to say the least. or, as an exchange from a movie that is now 20 years old, (what the actual fuck?) states:

“people perceive you as somewhat.....”

“tempestuous?”

“heinous bitch is the term most used most often.”

and that’s to say the most, in the least amount of words. but i’ve never been good at staying short, precise & succinct. colouring inside those ever annoying lines. oh no. no! no! no! i will i 𝙉𝙊𝙏 stick to the status quo of being a well-trained english and philosophy graduate. here’s the ever so long-winded low down, a few days early, if anyone cares to read.

this year I realised a lot of things... but the main big thing I learnt is that I can’t be 1000% “on” all the time with my uni stuff, otherwise i’ll burn out. and that’s what i did. i burnt out. i burnt out fucking hard. at first, i started turning in most of my assignments late. then, i stopped turning in assignments altogether. then i ignored all of my professors. I didn’t explain anything. just stopped doing my work altogether. and disappeared completely off the face of the earth from my course.

“but gwladys/ilona! that’s SOOOO unprofessional and un-adult of you!” everyone says in a tone of reprimand. i know. i know. i know. but you’re talking to the person that never asks for help. that refuses to ask for extensions, bc by fucking god she knows that she’ll get it done by the due date deadline.... even if means that she’ll hyped on coffee, 2 minute noodles and chocolate till 3am every time she does it. high functioning brain-scatter bitch is in full mode all the time.... just until she just can’t do it anymore... and so then crashes and burns spectacularly. we know that im dramatic. that much hasn’t changed 😂. also I’ve learnt that maybe I should 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙨𝙠 for help, every once in a while.

so, anyway. to get back on track. by the end of august then, I was stagnant. morose. uncaring. mentally, it was: 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙢 𝙞 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙬???? 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩. 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙢 𝙞 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜???? 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩. 𝙙𝙤 𝙞 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙨 80-𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜-𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚????? 𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙩, 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙡𝙡??? 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩 and finally, 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 20𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮????𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙩. all in all I asked my self frequently: “𝚊𝚖 𝚒 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝙱𝚄𝙸𝙻𝚃 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍???? 𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚖 𝚒 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐???” and “more than likely nah and also yeah.” was my answer. to say that I was “just tired” would be an understatement. i was fucking exhausted. weary. fatigued. bushwhacked. just utterly fuckin’ buggered. all the while, there’s a nagging voice of baby boomer somewhere that says that: “you imbecilic brat! you can’t burn out while studying! it’s not a real job! get a real job first and THEN you’ll know what burnout REALLY IS.” when, in fact, i’ve been in tertiary study non-fucking-stop (bar uni breaks- although even on my uni breaks I was never really resting properly- because I’d buy some odd textsbooks and my prescribed texts and read some of them on every uni break) since business college in 2014. like y’all. you see how i got to my wits end??? this is my fifth and a half year in tertiary study. im pretty damn well fucking spent.

within all of the above, i also learnt not to try and cram my first 3,000 word essay ever (bc i avoided subjects with 3,000 word essays in undergrad mostly because i felt like i’d never reach that word limit) into about 6 hours before it was due. i failed a few assignments. then started failing subjects. which wasn’t a first for the first thing (failing assignments), but a first for the latter (failing entire subjects). I was sick and tired of word counts and marks dictating my worth, in a sense.

it’s taken until now to get over this feeling of being stuck, being nowhere. just being a mess. maybe it’s just part of your 20s to feel forever stuck. but will i return to my course next month??? much more renewed, and less worn out, and also less likely to procrastinate til the last minute???? the answer is: i still have no idea. this year was a ride. an omni-shambles, if you will. (there’s a new cool large word that I just pulled from google 😂). maybe it’s just part of your 20s to forever feel stuck and lost 🤷🏻‍♀️😓.

anyway, on a much happier note... 2019 was the year that my ass finally got her Ps. I’m hoping that next year I’ll use them more often though 😂 ah well. at least I finally achieved that huge hurdle. I also got back into my old hobbies of going to concerts and doing find-a-word puzzles (which is just this last week actually). the concert got me out of the house for the first time in months, where as the puzzles are helping me reconnect with my love of language (which I felt that I kind of lost through uni assignments in undergrad tbh) and just solving puzzles in general.

the final year of the 2010s has been a tumultuous and heinous bitch. a rough patch of sucky-ness. a dead end feeling. this was all mixed with a huge wave of relief with getting my licence after many years (almost 10 years) of putting it off for most of the time.... then being severely anxious during the learning process after having a shitty instructor in 2014 who told me that “no one in the in this area will ever bother to teach you to drive, because your driving is just that awful! stick with me and I’ll teach you!” which admittedly put me off learning to drive for a fucking whole ass year. then I finally got it 5 years later after 2 more instructors, and one who was dedicated to helping actually get my Ps. I’m glad that work finally paid off (even if it means I failed quite a few times).

“what will 2020 bring you?” inquires the lame buzzfeed/facebook personality test. idefk, buzzfeed or lame fb personality test: that’s either of your jobs to tell me. not mine 😂. but let’s hope it’s better than 2019.

finally, in my typical нυмвℓε ιηтεяηεт мεмε ғαямεя σηℓιηε ρεяsσηα fashion, have a meme to let you laugh into the new year.

[emmaberrysworld]

Time of Our Lives

A/N

This is a preference that takes place after 3.22 of MacGyver. That season finale hurt me, and I am still sobbing. So I wrote this. I’ll attach the video link, but unless you really want to be hurt by me being hurt whilst listening to it as I wrote it, don’t listen to it. 

There are spoilers in this piece, so please, if you haven’t seen it yet, don’t read this. 

It also isn’t proofread, so I apologise for tense changes and some obvious mistakes. 

But I hope this is okay. 

-Emmaberry-

If the video doesn’t load, it’s called Time of Our Lives, and it’s by Tyrone Wells.

Tags: @toomanyfandomsshreya @writtenbyblair

Warnings: Spoilers, Grief. 

Angus MacGyver is many things: loyal, kind, intelligent, brave. But he was reluctant to lean on you after Charlie’s sacrifice. None of you knew what had happened between him and his Dad, only that James wasn’t coming back.

The first night was the hardest. After Riley, Matty and Desi had gone home, Mac shut himself off. You and Bozer tried to support him, but when he walked away, you knew it was a lost cause. That was when you mentioned you saw Mac’s Dad leaving.

‘You don’t think he’s disappearing again, do you?’ Bozer asked.

‘No,’ you murmur. ‘He looked pained.’

‘You think it’s something to do with Mac’s mood?’

‘Probably.’

‘Do we ask him?’

‘No.’ You were adamant. ‘He’ll come to us when he’s ready.’

‘You know Mac, when will that be?’

‘I don’t know.’

You remember sleeping on the sofa, having distracted yourself with cleaning. Bozer had eventually left to update Leanna on the situation, and you hadn’t wanted to force Mac to talk. You’d placed a coffee and some soup on his desk, then left. He didn’t even react.

You hadn’t seen him so lost. Anyone could see how important Charlie was to Mac. You used to say he was competing with Jack, but as you left, you definitely believed it. Knowing tonight would be different from your usual night time routine with Mac, you left him alone.

The first full day without Charlie might as well have been the longest day you had had, and with working at the Phoenix Foundation, you’d had a few rough ones. Mac was a shell of his former self, and autopilot did not suit him. You didn’t know how to talk to him, this was different than Jack leaving, or Jill’s death. Matty had text you something about Charlie’s funeral, but you didn’t want to ask Mac if he’d had the same thing. Instead, you set about making meals for the next few days. You saw the empty coffee cup and soup on the counter, and forced a small smile to your face. Even when he was in a world of hurt, Mac still put you first. You would have worried if he hadn’t eaten, but you also knew he was under no obligation to.

You knew about the promise, Mac had told everyone. But you had been close enough to the elevator to hear it come from Charlie’s mouth. You had been unable to turn away, yet you made no move to hold Mac. You figured it was your fight or flight mode, but as you thought on it, you knew it was because Mac didn’t need someone holding him as Charlie… you shuddered. Glancing outside, you saw Mac was standing there, hair dishevelled, wearing yesterday’s shirt, but alive. The mid-morning sun over the horizon usually cheered the two of you up, but today it did nothing. Filling up a mug with coffee, you took it out to Mac. He turned, blue eyes void of emotion. He was holding it in, you could see it. The way he took the mug, clenched it tightly, then put it down without drinking anything.

‘He was a good man,’ you heard Mac whisper.

‘I know,’ you murmur, trying not to break the amicable peace between the two of you. ‘And I’m ready when you want to talk.’

He raised an eyebrow.

‘I know you’re trying to force it because we don’t want you to hold it in.’ You placed a supportive hand on his arm. ‘But you don’t have to do it immediately.’

You walked back inside. That was the last time you spoke to Mac that day.

Days started to blur together. You kept yourself busy around the house, always finding something to reorganise. You sat surrounded by the fiction books in your room when the first tears fell. Mac’s unhealthy coping mechanism may be bad, but yours was just as bad: keep yourself busy until you crash. Tossing the book aside, you bring your knees to your chest, biting on your bottom lip in an attempt to stop the crying. Your chest tightens, yet you can’t pull the breathing exercises to the forefront of your mind. All you see is Charlie. That day. The elevator. Oh gosh. Bile raises in your throat. He should be here! He should be here! He should be here! Blinking, you see a mug come into your field of vision. In it is [a] y/f/h/d. Someone is beside you, but you mechanically reach for the mug. Just holding it. Letting the warmth burn your hands back to reality. By that time, they have left. The book you threw is next to you, with a paper clip on top of it. You can feel a smile rise, he was trying as hard as you to make sure you were coping.

Neither of you spoke about the times you broke down, or how the other had become a clutch for grief. To Bozer, you were managing, but not coping with grief. To everyone else, you were coping. To each other, you knew differently. Both numb. Both wanting to keep Mac’s promise.

You didn’t want to remember how many days had passed when you both had a 3am grief session. Charlie’s funeral had been and gone, and it threw you both back into unhealthy coping mechanisms central, as you dubbed it in your head. You wandered the house, your pyjamas a little too small, only to come across Mac on the balcony looking over the skyline. There were two mugs already out there, so you joined him.

‘I miss him,’ you let slip, hand already starting to shake. It seemed all you were capable of was crying and succumbing to more anxiety attacks than you wanted to admit. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-’

‘No, we should probably try and talk about him. He was important to you too.’

‘Nowhere near as he was to you,’ you say, looking at the scenery. The lights made LA look so pretty and you knew each one symbolised a different life, different stories, different emotions. There were few lights on, but you couldn’t help but wonder what the people with theirs still on were doing.

For a while you say nothing, but then the tears falls. Mac’s first, then yours. Hesitantly, you hug him. His arms wrap around you. Neither of you care about the wetness from the tears. Locked together by grief, you hear him whisper, ‘his memory will never die. Promise me you won’t let him memory die with him.’

It was the easiest promise you ever made.

You broke apart a while later to finish your drinks, but didn’t make a move to go to bed.

‘Will we ever be able to talk about him without the...’ you trailed off, knowing you had broken the silence.

‘Some day. Just not today,’ he replies, taking his hand in yours. ‘We’ll be together when we do. Have the time of our lives, for Charlie’s sake.’

As dawn breaks over the hills, you look at your intertwined hands on the wood. Your silent agreement brings about the start of a new chapter in your individual and shared grieving processes.

A/N

I am sorry for hurting you. I literally had a thought of don’t think about Charlie and Mac to this song and it hurt me. 

This wasn’t what I expected to write after submitting my coursework, but this is what happened. 

Hopefully I’ll post soon.