#and it’s one of those awkward problems where sometimes it is my fault

[hey-scully-itsme]

my skills as an administrative assistant are brutally hampered by the fact that I keep wildly underestimating the amount of prompting, coaching, and detailed explanations people apparently expect. I’m no stranger to overcommunication but apparently what I consider overcommuncation isn’t even the bare minimum for these people

[yuri-is-online]

Was Lilia more “Oh my thorn fairy I have another child?! I can barely cast a spell as of now and future me wants a fucking KID?! AT THAT AGE?!”

Or more of a

I HAVE ANOTHER SON?! AND IT’S FROM ME!?

If his Yutu tells him he comes from the future? Because it could imply he does regain his remaining years and magic. Idk how you wrote that problem that even rn it’s giving talk about Lilia surviving book 7 or not.

If it’s the second I already see him passing by Silver’s room really excited and saying “YOU HAVE A BROTHER!” And zooming off, leaving a very confused Silver and thinking he refers to either Malleus or Sebek.

technically anon asked first but this ask is much longer so it was awkward to screenshot for an answer. Here is the link the anon used for reference, I obligated as an elderly hater to let you know it's from SAO. Anon's idea is extremely good and we're going to roll with it for this Yutu's Uniqe Magic because you know he was always going to be a little shit.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, context on the fyuuture kid au can be found here and here. SPOILERS FOR: Book 7, Lilia's back story, and Silver's unique magic. Please engage with this in mind. For more fyuutre kid au, please check out the series section of my masterlist.

I have a bit of difficult time writing for Lilia given how much older he is than the rest of the cast, so I tend to write his Yuu as being a bit older themselves. Maybe they had an extremely difficult childhood and connected with Lilia over their shared sense of robbed innocence. Whatever it was I think this Yuu has a bit of a fascination with creatures of the night and a lot of their weirdo reputation within their community comes from kids telling each other that Yuu and Yutu are vampires. That makes me tempted to say Lilia! Yutu's real name is Alucard or Sebastian, something vaguely vampire themed.

None of those rumors are helped by Yutu finding himself very lethargic when out in the sunlight or his preference for colder temperatures. From his perspective he can't exactly help being who he is, people should really just get over themselves and let him do his thing. It's not his fault that bats really seem to like him for some reason, the neighbors are exaggerating Mr. Animal Control officer he swears.

Because he prefers to spend his awake hours in the dark, he is waaaaay too comfortable doing things and going places he shouldn't. He's real familiar with all the abandoned buildings and sketchy alleys of your town and has tagged quite a few of them. I like the idea of Lilia! Yutu being really interested in street art and Graffiti. I could see him putting up a bunch of bats everywhere and getting in a bunch of trouble for it. He has very fond memories of Yuu letting him paint murals on portions of their house in an effort to meet him halfway. He might like a good prank but unlike his father Yutu is always pulling his punches with Yuu.

Lilia didn't exactly have a supportive parent while he was growing up, something I feel like Yuu remembers and is very conscious of in their parenting of Yutu. Unfortunately for Lilia they also remember that he had another child and was a lot older than them, something Yutu raises several eyebrows at and causes him to ignore the things Yuu tries to tell him about his "great sense of humor" and "desire for different peoples to learn and grow with one another-" yeah that's great can you back up a bit to where you said he had another family? Yutu goes through life thinking he was the product of an affair Yuu had with a much older, married man who was just trying to feel young again. The amnesia stuff... sometimes he wonders if his dad tried to have Yuu killed. He never says it out loud because something tells him he's wrong, but gut feelings aren't as trustworthy as statistics...

So you can imagine his surprise when he tumbles out of a coffin and is told that his dad was a faerie general bound in service to a family of dragons, veteran of an ancient war, and technically the adoptive father of the Prince of the children of the night and the Prince of the rival human kingdom that killed his best friends. One of which is alive and overwhelmed with joy to meet him. Silver wanted Yutu almost as badly as Lilia and Yuu did so to see him alive and awkwardly squirming in his arms? Silver hasn't cried this much since they lost Lilia and Malleus.

Having a proper older brother, not just the concept, is an extreme change for Yutu. He's used to it just being him and Yuu, and he was sort of expecting Silver to hate him just for existing. Nothing could be further from the truth, Silver wants his younger brother to have the same freedoms he did while attending school but he also respectfully requests that Yutu spend at least some of his free time with him. He tried desperately to find his dreams over the years and was never able to make firm contact, but he doesn't want to pressure Yutu into caring about him. Yutu is didn't realize how badly he wanted other family members until he got to have Silver, he's even willing to take up sword fighting so they can get closer.

Sebek is also overwhelmed with tears upon seeing Lilia! Yutu. He is a bit harsh on him for "not living up to Master Lilia's legacy" because he doesn't know anything about fighting. He does applaud him for his willingness to learn. Yutu thinks Sebek is hilarious and messes with him just as much as Lilia does. Something Sebek is completely willing to let him do because it makes him feel like Lilia never left.

All of the Yutus get to see some of the photographs Yuu left behind, but Lilia! Yutu is especially interested in them. He makes a small photo album of all the ones he can find of his dad, especially ones where he's with Yuu and Silver. He's partially driven by guilt for thinking his father was a terrible person, but really he just wants to feel closer to him. He's half fae, and sure he has Sebek to talk about that with but what he really needs is a connection with his father. Yutu doesn't really care about being a faerie. He just cares about his dad's acceptance, everything else can go hang.

I don't have a name for his unique magic, but going off of anon's idea it allows him to overwhelm his target's mind, forcing them to think about their greatest fears to the point they are convinced they are really going through it. Someone hates spider? All over their face and in their clothes. Crippling fear of failure? Suddenly that emotion is all they can focus on. And if it's a mindless creature like a blot phantom or a monster they become overwhelmed with the sensation that they are unable to breathe and about to die. Yutu can't control the illusion the person experiences so usually he tries not to use it on his classmates.

That changes when he goes into the past. Some rando want to shit talk Yuu? Nightmare. Macho NRC guy wants to rumble? Nightmare. Some random guy jumped out from behind him and yells "BOO!" Nightma-

If Yutu had been just a hair slower he would have been in extreme pain, the dangerous glint in those familiar ruby eyes scream that. The short fae smiles almost cruelly, advancing on him clearly upset even though Yutu has dropped the spell.

"Well now, that's no way to great a senior." Lilia's voice is strangely soothing, it occurs to Yutu that this is probably the first time his father has ever been angry at him and he can't help himself. He laughs,

"Yeah sorry about that." He makes sure to try and be cute about it, which helps to diffuse the tension some what. "You really scared me so it was all I could think to do."

Lilia is very impressed by Yutu's reflexes and control over his unique magic. He is even further impressed by how eager Yutu is to train with Silver. The kid has some real promise and fits into Silver and Sebek's dynamic better than Lilia could have dreamed of. He really hopes the two will benefit from having a relatively normal human friend their age to train with. Maybe he and Yuu will stick around and give him some piece of mind about the kids being in good hands when he's gone.

Yutu hanging around Diasomnia gives him an excuse to chat with Yuu more, not that he exactly needed it. Lilia sort of hates the way he's drawn to you, it feels unfair. Unfair to you to give you hope there could be something more and toy with your affections; unfair to him for life to finally allow him to realize what romantic love is like just in time to have to let it go. There is a bittersweet tone to all of your interactions that his housemates are a bit too socially awkward to pick up on but Cater does.

Yutu is surprised how much he likes Cater, he associates him with a terrifying monster he's had to fight multiple times, not a fun guy who is really determined to help his parents get together. And what's even better he's really chill when Yutu asks for stories about Lilia, he has a lot of them and a completely different perspective than his older brother allowing Yutu to glean some more insight to what his parents might have been thinking in the future.

He finds himself spending a lot of time with the pop music club, not as an official member though he's not great at carrying a tune. Kalim, Cater, and Lilia are glad to have another person to chill with, sometimes they'll play music and Yutu will draw something based off whatever noise they made. Cater wants to talk him into doing album art for them... you know if they ever get around to making a recording.

I think Yutu will only tell Lilia who he is if he has no choice. He wants to mess with the timeline as little as possible, but should a monster from his timeline appear in this one, say like an overblotted Yuu another asker was so nice as to bring up, well it's not like he says who he is. He just addresses the monster as his parent and has a very loud meltdown not wanting to fight them again. Something Malleus is more than willing to assist him with.

"Think nothing of it." Malleus's power is truly terrifying, Yutu is torn between sorrow that he wasn't on their side and relief he didn't overblot a second time. "You are Lilia's son yes? That makes you my subject, and a most precious one at that." Not that Yutu has avoided interacting with Malleus exactly, he's just found talking to him exceptionally awkward because well. He's not Yuu, he's very aware of how important Malleus is supposed to be. But the way he's looking at him now makes him think that maybe he was missing out on interacting with another older brother.

Something that's confirmed when he turns to see how big his father's eyes have gotten, the man is shaking as he stares at his face and flicks between him, Malleus, and Silver like he's staring at the most precious pieces of art in the whole universe.

As you brought up Lilia's survival isn't guaranteed, I did not solve that problem at all. I sort of just... wrote that Lilia would age more or less like a normal human and not really be able to use magic on par with what a fae would consider normal but would still be impressive to a human... so while Lilia might be a bit reluctant to show his face in Briar Valley he would still have enough years to have and raise Yutu. He might have actually died around the same time as Yuu if they had lived a normal life.

He is overwhelmingly excited at the thought of having another baby. Lilia might not know what to do with them but he does really like kids. What's harder for him to accept is his relationship with Yuu. Raising a child is something he's done before, being someone's long term partner is not. He is unused to feeling desirable, and unfamiliar with acting on his own desires. Sure Lilia might seem very free spirited, but much of his life has been dictated by a sense of duty. The thought of having something precious to him that chose him specifically of their own free will is... disarming. He's overwhelmed with how helpless you make him feel and how little he despises it.

Yutu's need to be accepted by his father is met and exceeded almost immediately. Lilia wants to cook a big family dinner for Yuu and all of his boys, something that Malleus politely rejects asking if he can instead show his Culinary Crucible skills off to Yutu (it's really so he can make babiest brother promise to never eat anything Paw Paw makes EVER) and it's all so normal Yutu almost forgets that he's listening to a practical god smugly tell him he knows all about edible weeds as his father flies around him cracking jokes and pinching his cheeks. His older brother is asleep on the couch waiting for the food to be done and his precious parent is helping his Uncle Sebek set the table, listening to him sniffle about how beautiful Master Lilia's family is.

Lilia might be practically retired, but his mind is still sharp. The information Yutu is able to pass on to him lands in good hands. When he tucks Yutu into bed that night, long after the boy has gone to sleep so as not to embarrass him he makes sure to take a good long look at the little miracle. He is beyond grateful Yutu exists, not even the Thorn Fairy could have given him a finer blessing (he'll have to make sure to tease you about that later, that's got to be a good pick up line) He will make sure that this risk his son has taken pays off, Lilia Vanrouge wasn't feared for no reason. Something it seems some foolish mortals need reminding of.

[skellydun]

Do you have any tips for interviewing? I have one tomorrow and I am so nervous 😭😭😭😭

ah anon that's awesome!!! congrats!! I listed a few tips below :)

interviews are great because it's your show! it's all about you!! and who knows you better than you right?? and hey maybe you're like oh shit i don't know anything about myself ??? look at your resume! with every position you have listed that is relevant you should know about a time when you had to make a difficult decision (or go against the norm to get something done like disagreeing with a coworker), when you had a problem and how you solved it, and a time when you went above and beyond. that seems like a lot but you have done all of those things even if you don't realize it. a thing i've come to realize is that a lot of people (especially those new in the job market) undersell themselves. your internships count as experience. sorting files at an internship could be considered prioritizing and organizing information into groups or something. you have experience even if you don't think you do. but that kind of veers more into writing a resume. back to interviewing and knowing yourself - know 3 strengths and why they are your strengths along with weaknesses. can't think of that? you're a people person which you utilized when you stocked shelves at target and always had no problem asking people if they needed help and cultivated a lot of relationships with the regulars that came in to make it a memorable experience. you have no issue talking to people so that makes you perfect for this position. your weakness is that you're a perfectionist so you might take longer on one task because you want it to be perfect but you're working on it - it's a weakness but at the same time it's not. also ideally you have bullet points listed underneath each of your job/internship/club so just know those. know what you did. be able to describe your position. you know yourself so be confident about your abilities!

Did you do all that I suggested up there? Also hey know the job posting. Be able to look at that job posting where they're asking you to be able to stand for 50 years and lift 10 pounds? oh you totally did that at your previous job where u had to stand for 60 years and lift 5 pounds so you have some experience doing that. know how what you already know applies to it.

NOT ALL INTERVIEWERS ARE CUT OUT TO BE INTERVIEWERS. Sometimes the person who is interviewing you (while they may be your potential new boss) is terrible at it. They don't know how to keep the conversation natural or just bounce from question to question. If you give a great example and they're like oh that's nice! onto the next question do not beat yourself up. they're interested in you or they wouldn't have asked to interview you. the amount of awkward interviewers i've met in my life is insane. it's not your fault.

Don't worry about the constant eye contact. Or the uhs and ums. It's expected that you're nervous. A good interviewer would sit down and small talk with you or point out something on your resume like a club or school and talk about that to calm you both down. Most will say how are you? how was your ride here? that doesn't magically make you stop being nervous. Sometimes when I go on interviews I will still end great examples with 'if that makes sense' because i just rambled. You'll fall into a rhythm! Just breathe. If you're doing a virtual interview then you don't even have to make eye contact just look at. the camera. If you're in an office then I usually shuffle between looking at them, their forehead/lips/nose, at the guide they're interviewing off of, the table, or I'll look down at my hands as I gesture with them because I can't help it.

Have questions for them. It makes you stand out. I always use the same 3. What is your favorite thing about working for this company? I'm really culture focused can you tell me about the culture of this team? (professional way to say what's the vibe of the team?) What advice do you have for someone coming into this role? Also make sure you at least googled the company. They will ask you do you know anything about us? Sometimes I say no I hadn't heard of you until I applied then I dig some digging and I can't believe you did x in 2019 or that your values are x, y, z that really falls into line with my thinking.

Also if you search JOB TITLE Interview questions - they will be a few sites that will give you some ideas of what they're going to ask you specific to that field/job so you won't be blindsided!

That's it in a nutshell. I'm sure i'm forgetting things and this obviously won't apply to every job out there but that's just a basic interview. I'm also not the Interview Expert. If you have any questions then please don't hesitate to ask :) I wish you the best of luck anon!

[meowww-ffxiv]

Theodore: If one day I die before you, will you devour me like Hraesvelgr did Shiva?

Meowdred: Uh. No.

Theodore: Not even if I ask very nicely?

Meowdred: Where is this coming from???

Theodore: Hraesvelgr sometimes loans me the bulk of his power for one thing or another. I hear her voice in the resonance of his aether. Her song weaves through the lowest tones of his own. She really continues to exist alongside him. Inseparable from the very tapestry of his existence. Consumption as an act of love -- will you not do it for me?

Meowdred: This is THE most incredibly Ishgardian thing I have EVER heard you say. Repeat this to me when it's not 2 in the morning and I'll think about it.

.

Theodore: Sorry about the uhhh the 2 in the morning thoughts.

Meowdred: Oh so now you suddenly don't wanna do it.

Theodore:

Theodore: You'd eat me???

Meowdred: This just got real awkward all of a sudden.

Theodore: No, no. It was my fault thinking that you, one of the last practitioners of Allagan summoner arts and the devourer of nearly every primal we have ever faced, would turn down the chance of absorbing yet another being's aether.

Meowdred: But it wouldn't be like that with you. It'd be like Fray or Ardbert. An eternal embrace, indeed.

Theodore: Is it nice in there.

Meowdred: Like in my mental health cage......?

Theodore: Wherever it is that you stored those two guys.

Meowdred:

Meowdred: Did you bring up this whole thing because you are Bothered by me absorbing other men.

Theodore: Now, I have no problem with you doing whatever with other men. But also, I am a man and to be absolutely fair, I was your best friend before you met either of those stragglers. And I'm Ishgardian. We had a whole scripture that got struck from our holy book about this.

Meowdred: Is this a real conversation we are having???

Theodore: I would like it if you bring me along to places. :( Stop ditching me.

Meowdred: You're no less clingy than Zenos.

Theodore: Perhaps. But I love you as a person, not as some narrative juxtaposition to myself.

Theodore: ...So yes?

Meowdred: If you remain your own, independent soul, in our next lives we can meet again and be friends again.

Theodore: Oh.

Meowdred: And if I'll be honest. I'm eight parts rejoined or whatever, and Ardbert is "with" me, but in the end, it is still far lonelier than if he'd been apart from myself. I want you to live. Even if it means saying goodbye in one life and having to gamble on us meeting again in our next one, I want you to live. Haven't I always returned to you, no matter how far I went?

Theodore: 🥺 Bro......

Meowdred: Don't leave me alone, bro..... 😭

[dotster001]

Hello I haven’t done one of these before but may I request for the 1k event with twisted wonderland please?

When I first started the game I had taken Riddle's hand as my OG because he just had this commanding presence that drew me. For a while he was on my homescreen because I liked how while strict he has his soft moments and due to his background he lived a rather sheltered life which pulled at my heartstrings. Then I did some vignettes and Idia remained on my homescreen after for a while. I still adore Riddle, though Idia’s manner of speech and the fact he was a gamer/dork appealed to me as I consider myself both a gamer and dork as well. Now most recently, though again still love the former two, I have found myself intrigued by Rook and his uniqueness as well as his flowery wording. Honestly I believe part of it is because I have taken French so reading his lines is like testing what I had learned. He’s not everyones cup of tea but he is mine. I still do cherish Riddle and sometimes put him on my homescreen for a little if I get a new card for a day or two.

About me: I’m she/her but I don’t mind if you want to make mc, gn. I’m short like the height of Epel, plus size, and have short curly black hair. Personality wise I can be shy on occasion but if I can find a segue into talking to someone such as an anime pin I can muster up the courage to talk to them. Friendly but have very few actual close friends. I’m a bit of a goofball to those I’m really close with. I don’t like taking risks unless I’m 90% certain it’s in my favor. I dislike when promises are repeatedly broken. I prefer to get college assignments out of the way as soon as possible and make good grades though not complete 100’s. I used to do theatre. I enjoy Games, both video and board, and as I had mentioned earlier I took French but I’m only somewhat decent at it.

The Tale: This is difficult to choose but I will go Harem. I love them all so I would prefer a romance story. I would like romance with a good amount of angst if you could? It’s bad but I eat it up every time.

(So full disclosure, I use Google translate, so if your translation skills are saying something is funky, it's not your fault, it's mine 😂 I hope you enjoy this, I don't like traumatizing Riddle....but it's just so easy)

A Tale Where Riddle's Lover and her Lovers help Him Break Free

You knew that Riddle's mother would be a problem when you started your relationship. Then when Idia and Rook joined the group, you were absolutely certain she would be a problem. 

So for a couple months, it was an unspoken rule that the relationship was secret, or at least not outside of your friend group just in case.

But today, you, Idia, and Rook had decided to meet Riddle in his room after you'd all finished your classes and homework for the day (a Riddle imposed rule).  His face looked paler than normal, as he held his cellphone to his ear in silence. 

He swallowed heavily, and said, "Yes, mother," 

Before hanging up. He jumped a little when he saw the three of you standing together.

"Oh, hello, I didn't see you there." He stood up and gave you a kiss on the cheek. "How are you, my rose?" 

"Good," you said quickly. "Riddle, what was she saying to you?"

"Nothing, everything's okay. What can I help you all with?"

The rest of the time with Riddle was awkward that day. You and Rook tried to dig a little, until Idia sent the three of you a discreet text.

Don't push. Give him time to process what the witch was saying to him. We can chat later. 

So the three of you said your goodbyes, you giving Riddle what you hoped was a comforting hug, before leaving him be for the day. 

  

                                       ….

Idia had been right, Riddle needed time. He had called you all into the kitchen where Trey had baked a strawberry tart that looked more mouthwatering than usual.  Trey gave you all a sympathetic smile then left the room as Riddle started cutting slices of the tart for you all.

When you all had your slices, Riddle heaved a heavy sigh.

"So, you know how things are with my mother, right? Well, she wants me to come home and meet the woman she has decided I should marry."

The fork you had been using slipped from your fingers. You opened your mouth to speak, but were interrupted by Rook swearing in french, and Idia's hair growing to a roaring flame. 

"Rois de Roses! You cannot do this!"

"Bro! Not Pog!"

"Guys!" You shouted, the room going silent. "Riddle's the victim here, remember?"

You gently grabbed his hand as his eyes started watering. 

"What do you want to do, love?"

Riddle stared down at his untouched tart, eyes beginning to overflow.

"I know our relationship is…unconventional, but I love you, my rose. And, in some Stockholm syndrome way I think I'm starting to fall for those two as well."

Idia's hair turned pink, and Rook gasped, about to spill out some kind of love confession, when you covered his mouth with your free hand.

Riddle gave a tired laugh and an eye roll before continuing, "Anyway, my point is, I want to stay with you, but I don't see how. If I tell her the truth, she might finally cut ties with me. Which means I won't be able to pay to stay here, and I'll have to leave you all anyway. And if I don't tell her, I'll have to marry a stranger. Maybe it won't be this girl, but it'll be some other rich girl."

"Dude, not to brag but I'm loaded. Like independently loaded. Like I'm a genius so I have a shit ton of money coming in all the time from my five star inventions," Idia said with a smug smirk.

"Idia, darling, get to the point," you said patiently.

"Oh, yeah. Point is, I can pay for you. As long as you keep my girl happy, I can pay for you to get your degree. Housing wise, I'm pretty sure the school is supposed to pay for housewarden's dorms, we can just ask Azul to find it in the contract to show Crowley."

"Rois de Roses, I first want to tell you how honored I am that I am  close to winning ton amour. Secondly, I also have a flourishing business…"

"As an assassin…" you heard Idia mutter under his breath.

"And should Rois de ta chamber have his genius fail him, I would be more than happy to help you remain here," Rook finished, patting the Idia's head happily.

Riddle looked at the three of you softly smiling at him, and started to sniffle.

"I….I don't know what to say."

You wrapped your arms around him and set your head on his shoulder.

"Riddle, I love you so much. Whatever you decide to do in the end, we understand. But just know we can help take care of you."

"Sevens, I love you," he said, burying himself in your hair. You felt him heave a heavy sigh, before he said, "And I guess I love you two as well, again, in some Stockholm syndrome way."

Immediately, Rook was wrapping his arms around both of you, followed by what felt like a reluctant Idia joining the group.

"Okay," Riddle said, muffled by all the bodies around him, "I'm going to tell her. But can you all come with me?"

Three muffled ascensions arose from the hug. 

 

                                    ….

It went as poorly as one would expect. The screaming was pretty horrible from "the witch", but pretty soon Rook, was shouting back, and pretty soon even you and Idia, the chronic introverts of the crew, were yelling. 

Eventually, Riddle himself stood up, said how he was cutting her off, then told you all it was time to go.

Naturally, once the adrenaline of the moment was gone, Riddle was not super okay. It took a couple weeks of loving care from your harem, which was starting to become more of a poly relationship, before Riddle was able to function again.

But overtime, he healed. And you all got to watch him grow into a more confident, less tense individual. 

But it still shocked you all when, after he got his master degree many years later, he got down on one knee and pulled out a box with three rings in it.

"Rois de Roses, mon cœur ne peut contenir la joie qu'il nourrit!" Rook said, sobbing.

"Rook, I had a whole speech planned," Riddle laughed, shaking his head.

"Riddle! Oh my god, yes!" You cried, getting on your own knees and pressing kisses all over his face, feeling joy at seeing his face turn a bright red.

"Guys…" Riddle sighed, his smile growing wider.

"It's your own fault for thinking we'd follow your game plan," Idia said, taking a moment to kiss each of your cheeks.

"You're right. I should have known," Riddle said, starting to reciprocate the kisses you were giving him.

"So I take it we're all in agreement then," you laughed out. 

Your three boys wrapped their arms tightly around you and gave a resounding,

"Yes."

[anwynb2003]

Alright, Good Omens Fic Idea - SPOILERS -

Because Apparently I’m Still Hyperfixated - SPOILERS -

*I was halfway done this post and accepted deleted the draft- please share in my pain I’m so upset I have to rewrite all this ;-;*

So:

Aziraphale’s up in heaven. It’s been maybe a few weeks since the S2 finale, and things are just about ready for the Second Coming.

Using the small amount of input he could give as the Supreme Archangel, our boy pointed out the moral quandaries of impregnating a teenager without giving them a say in the matter, and so heaven’s taking a page out of Hell’s book and just creating the baby themselves to be sent down to Earth (and just adopted regularly, none of that baby-swapping wickedness).

Aziraphale knows every moment of this child’s life off by heart; he’s read the plans dozens of times, you see. The second Christ will meet an end very similar to that of their first incarnation, though even sooner. A legal murder, though one that feels like it shouldn’t be.

He’s tried to find a way around it, pitched dozens of alternatives to killing the child, but has now realized that even as Supreme Archangel, his power is extremely limited.

So, he calls up the one angel that he feels is best for the job he needs done, and their conversation goes as such:

Aziraphale: Do you trust me?

Muriel: Of course, sir!

Aziraphale: Good, take this baby and this letter to this address, and then stay inside because heaven will definitely deem you a traitor for this, but don’t worry I have a plan.

Muriel: …okay.

And so, Muriel takes the new baby Christ down to Earth, and straight to Crowley’s flat.

Dude obviously asks wtf is going on when the sweet little angel who’d taken over his angel’s bookshop showed up at his door with a baby, and Muriel hands him the letter, which consists of just three sentences:

I’m sorry. Keep them both safe, please. From everyone.

Crowley groans, long and loud, but hurries Muriel and the baby inside; there are three things Crowley has a soft spot for, and those are his car, his angel, and kids. He may have been furious with the second one at the moment, but that wasn’t any of the others’ faults (and yes, he was aware that Muriel wasn’t too much younger than himself, but darn it they acted like a kid sometimes and it was endearing, dammit!)

He asks Muriel to further explain what’s happening, as the note was no help, but all they can tell him is who the baby is.

Crowley glances at the baby boy in the basket and gets a horrible sense of deja vu.

Why are the occult/ethereal babies always his problem to deal with?

Time Skip- 11 Years Later

Aziraphale hesitates outside the door of Crowley’s flat, but does eventually end up knocking.

He hears his old friend calling something about “Maggie, this is a bad time-” as he answers the door, but when he sees who was knocking he stops dead.

Aziraphale gives an awkward hello, and Crowley sighs, inviting him in. Their conversation goes as such:

Crowley: It can’t be time already.

Aziraphale: It’s not! Not yet, anyway, and hopefully the time will never come, I just… wanted to check in.

Crowley: Right. Check in.

Aziraphale: Yes, so where is he?

Before Crowley can answer, they both hear the door to the flat open and shut. “Dad? I’m back!”

Crowley sighs, almost looking reluctant to reply as he can feel the angel staring at him in surprise, but he does anyway: “In the kitchen!”

A moment later, a young girl appears in the kitchen as well, clutching a book in her hands that Aziraphale recognizes as one of his.

The girl eyes him almost warily, but Crowley grabs her attention. “‘S that another book?”

The girl nods sheepishly. “Aunty Muriel thought I’d like this one.”

“You say that every time,�� He almost chuckles, before waving her off. “Off you pop, get started on it, we’re eating out with Maggie and Nina tonight.”

The girl seems to immediately perk up at that and, giving Aziraphale one more searching stare, turns and leaves the kitchen, heading off to start reading her book.

Crowley now acknowledges Aziraphale’s shock:

Crowley: What, being a girl not a part of your side’s plans for her?

Aziraphale: Oh no, they were, it was just supposed to be in a few more years.

Crowley: *shrugs* You said protect her from everyone, that includes herself. Why do you look so shocked, then?

Aziraphale: She called you “Dad”. And “Aunty Muriel”?

Crowley: Give me a baby and a disgraced angel and no instructions beyond “protect them”, what were you expecting?

Aziraphale cannot answer this.

So, yeah, that’s the entire narrative I have, beyond a realization later on that when Jay (the name Christ picked for herself at the age of seven) was little, her Dad told her stories about the adventures he and “his angel” had been on, and Jay’s realization that the stranger in their kitchen was her Dad’s angel.

Idk, I just find it cute. They’ll act like divorced Dads who clearly still care about each other and want this arrangement to work, but are also both deeply hurt by whatever the other did to end it, until they actually talk to each other and make up, all while trying to avoid the Messiah role heaven wants to force on Jay.

(Also the reason heaven made Jay trans was that so she’s experience some of the worst parts of humanity- she was supposed to be sent to/adopted in Florida -and still be completely willing to die for them)

The end, Ima sleep now, I’m only 50% awake as is

[cieloclercs]

lover, you should’ve come over , send me a description of yourself + a fandom and gender preference, and i’ll ship you with a character

i want it with f1 and it doesn't matter old or current drivers. i sent you this request before but i think i forgot to add preference so it was my fault. hope it doesn't bother you that i'm sending you a new one again, if it bothers you then i'm sorry. i think it's gonna be long so... sorry in advance x2

i'm 22 and history student. i want to be an academic because knowledge is pretty much everything to me. if a djinn grant me 3 wishes, one of them would be to know everything about universe, humankind and other things. i like learning new things and i like to share them with others whether its something scientific, about history, philosophy or just random fact about pop culture it doesn't matter. sometimes i just starting to tell someone a random fact i learned out of the blue so there's that i think. i also think my love language is quality time. i'll remember whats your favorite book, movie, song, sweater, drink etc it doesn't matter i'll etch everything about you into my brain forever. its my curse, sometimes i think that way.

i like buying new books even if i have billions of them i haven't read it yet at my home it doesn't matter. i like to go museums. my idea of relaxing and holiday is going to new historical places, museums, exhibitions, watching something or reading something, explore new music etc so you get the idea.

i like to watch art movies, documentaries, keeping an eye on film festivals. my favorites are those 3 hours long old movies you can hardly find subtitles for but when you do... it gives you everything you need and more.

when i said i like learning new things i mean it as a learning different subjects or matters. it doesn't matter tbh if that thing got me interested in then you probably gonna find me searching it online at 3 am.

i'm a bit cold to others i'm not gonna lie. definetely judge someone and if i dont find them okay-ish then warming up to them and liking them is gonna be hard. i tend to isolate myself and zone out frequently when i'm overwhelmed so even if you continue to talk there's a big chance i'm not gonna hear you but i have pretty good focus so thats the plus for me.

i'm definetely quick to anger and hold grudges really well won't forget something you said to me 10 years ago. but i'm also a ride or die and would bring shovel to your house unquestioned so i guess that's even it out?

but there's a weird and kind of intimidating side of me? at least that what my friends been saying. my classmates and friends often saying to me how they were/are intimidated to talk to me because they didn't want to seem stupid or didnt gage out what would i say or react. weird side of me i think its that sometimes i tend to get awkward not gonna lie...

also i tend to get... disappear for extended period of time out of the blue. i'm just vibing at home or outside by myself. i'm happy with it but others don't.

i hope it's not too long and if it is sorry </3

i ship you with lance stroll!

— i’ve never pictured lance as the academic type per se, but i always get the sense he’s a bit of a dark horse when it comes to his talents outside of f1… i feel like he’d be super interested in all of the stuff you are, especially philosophy. once you guys start dating, i can picture him getting really into philosophy and history and reading to the point where he’s basically just feeding your own need for more knowledge (match made in heaven frrr)

— obviously the guy is loaded so he has no problem buying you whatever books you want. instead of being the kind of boyfriend that goes out and buys his girlfriend jewellery to show affection (bc his love language is DEFINITELY gift giving) he’ll buy you a ton of books instead 😭 i feel like you’ll get so used to it that every time you go out you leave a reading list on the table for him to look at, and when you get back he’ll have bought you EVERY SINGLE BOOK. even the really obscure ones, and you’re like how did he manage to find this at such short notice? 😭

— loads of your dates consist of either movie nights or trips to museums and exhibitions. you might do some more mindless lowkey stuff in-between, but lance will pretty much do whatever it is you want to do 😭 he’ll definitely surprise you with random trips to loads of interesting historical places. even if you only mention a particular place one time in passing, the next thing you know he’ll get you on his private jet and take you there for the weekend 🥹 it just shows he’s a really good listener too !! a bit like you, he just wants to commit everything about you to his memory 🤍

— i never thought i’d say this because i picture lance as being quite isolated a lot of the time, but he encourages you to get out more and stops you from retreating within yourself. he knows that you have no problem being alone with your thoughts, but he also wants you to get out and experience things with new people 🥹

— BUT on the other hand, you guys are definitely the judgy inside joke couple 😭 i mean in the sense that you tell each other everything. if you’re holding a grudge against someone for a particular reason, he knows exactly why and holds a grudge too 😭 basically you always tell each other your drama to the point where you’re essentially just sharing enemies. this unfortunate person will never know why but every time they come near you both you’ll automatically just fall silent and stare them down 😭 half the grid is scared of you both for this but it’s fine you’re iconic

— ps. i’m sorry this took so long! i’ve been mulling over this one for a while 😅

[hauntedselves]

here's the big self dx email i'm going to send to my psychologist. (the diagnostic parts of it at least). i prefaced it with a bunch of "please don't think i'm being attention seeking though attention seeking is part of npd which i'm self dx'ing as having traits of so if that counts towards it then you can totally think i'm being attention seeking but i've put a hell of a lot of time and thought into this i didnt just read the dsm criteria and decide i had it thanks~"

Schizotypal Personality Disorder: I know there’s a lot of overlap with autism and borderline personality disorder, but I really think I meet the criteria for a 3 of those separately. I honestly think I meet every single criteria for schizotypal PD to at least some degree.

Ideas of reference – I do get these, I tend to see “signs” and omens in a lot of things, like songs on the radio or a particular bird flying overhead. They tend to be small things that I notice and think that it’s directed at me or meant for me to see.

Odd beliefs or magical thinking - One thing is that I often see something nearby (usually my glasses case or something similarly non-reflective) flashing and when I look directly at it it stops, and I get the feeling that it’s being “cheeky”. I guess some of my more psychotic thoughts fit here too (I talk about them below). One thing I have is that I feel like I need to watch any plane or helicopter that flies over until I can’t see it anymore because if I don’t it’ll explode and then all the people will die, which will be my fault because I didn’t watch it to make sure it doesn’t happen. Even though I know that doesn’t make any sense and hundreds of planes fly around without me ever seeing them and they’re perfectly safe! I also avoid looking at myself in mirrors at night because the “mirror demons” can get me then.

Unusual perceptions/illusions – apparently dissociation comes under this which we know I experience a lot. Also apparently it’s fairly common for people with schizotypal personality disorder to feel like their faces look weird or not really recognising themselves which I struggle with, though that could also be dissociation.

Odd thinking & speech - I think this one is more for other people to judge than me. I think my thoughts are different to others but of course I don’t know other’s thoughts so I’m only going off people not understanding me when I try to explain something in a way that makes perfect sense to me. (I’ve had this problem with essays, where my teachers don’t get how I got to a conclusion or what my reasoning is when it makes sense to me).

Suspicion or paranoia – I get paranoid a lot when I’m driving and someone seems to be following me, for example. I’ve sometimes gone down a different street or taken a different route when I don’t need to so I can “shake them”. The two times I’ve been in hospital I get paranoid about the medication they give me, I’m scared it’s going to be some kind of mind control drug or something other than what it is. (Doesn’t stop me from taking it though).

Inappropriate or flat emotional affect – Also something more for others to judge and not me. Also part of autism so I don’t know.

Strange behaviour or appearance – Another one for others to judge. I don’t think I do have strange behaviour or looks aside from what could be dismissed as autistic awkwardness.

Lack of close friends, other than family – yes. I did have one friend but she stopped talking to me and I don’t know why. I didn’t make any friends throughout uni, (granted 2 years were fully online), and I was on good terms with the people in my class at Tafe but not enough to keep in contact with them.

Social anxiety – We’ve talked about social anxiety before. I remember when I was seeing [old psych] she asked about it and I said it was like a fear of being seen, as in known/understood. Like I’m scared of getting close to people I guess. Which I also want which makes it tricky! I don’t really want friends because I find other people so hard to relate to and figure out, but I do also want friends, I get lonely.

Obsessive ruminations – I do have these and I’ve talked about it below. I think a lot about things like violence and gore and cannibalism (ties into my werewolf thing) but it doesn’t disturb me. I think a lot about sex as well but not in a fantasising way, just… thinking about it. I often have the exact same thought multiple times a day, sometimes quickly and sometimes hours in between. It gets to the point where I tell myself “I’ve already thought about all this, stop going over it again and again!”. There’s one particular thought that I’ve had pop into my head for years, it’s the exact same sentence every time.

Dyscalculia: I’m not sure if this is in some other medical ballpark or psychological, so I don’t know if you’re the right person to talk to about this one, but I’m 100% sure I have this.

I can’t tell the time on an analog clock, I can’t tell left from right, I failed maths in high school (and just barely passed the easiest required level of maths in college) and I would definitely fail a maths test now.

I have to count on my hands for even simple maths, I can’t look at a group of something and tell how many are there without counting them, I don’t know the times tables (even the 2x table, I get to 12 and then I have to actually think about it).

I’m terrible at budgeting and knowing how much I’ll have left over if something costs whatever amount and I have however much money.

I never remember if Tuesday or Thursday comes first which I think is a sequencing problem that’s part of dyscalculia?

I can’t read maps very well, I struggle with directions and distances, and I struggle with time (keeping track of time, how long something will take, if something takes 5 minutes I don’t know if it’s actually been 5 minutes or not).

I can’t work out money, like for example when I worked at the shop on the cash register I didn’t know how to work it (because no one showed me) so I was working out the change by hand and always got it wrong (the customers would have to tell me which was always embarrassing!).

Apparently spatial awareness and proprioception issues are part of dyscalculia too which I definitely struggle with (learning to drive was scary because of this). (Also an autism thing).

Schizoid Personality Disorder: I think I have some traits of this but not the full on thing. This one also overlaps with autism (and schizotypal and borderline personality disorders) so I’m willing to accept it’s just that.

Doesn’t enjoy close relationships - yes and no. I like friendships but not making them, and they often seem a lot more trouble than they’re worth. But I still get lonely.

Almost always chooses to be alone – yes, I’m much more comfortable alone than with others. Some of it is social anxiety, some of it is just… it’s nicer that way.

Asexual – yes, we’ve talked about that. Though I would like to mention I’m also bisexual, on the very rare occasions when I am attracted to people.

Finds little pleasure in activities – sometimes, though I think this is more of a depression thing. I do struggle with anhedonia & avolition a fair bit though

Lacks close friends, other than family – already talked about above.

Appears indifferent to praise or criticism – yeah… I like getting praise but I also don’t really care if I don’t? Unless it’s something super important to me. Same with criticism, I don’t care unless it’s very important.

Flat/cold emotional affect – also something for other people to judge.

(These are from the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual):

Highly sensitive, shy, easily overstimulated – I’m not highly sensitive but I am shy and easily overwhelmed. That’s probably just autism though.

Fear of & longing for closeness – Yes, already talked about that

Emotional pain when overstimulated – I don’t really know what this means, unless it’s talking about emotions being overwhelming when you’re already overwhelmed? Which is true for me.

Feels like dependency and love are dangerous – I do feel like this sometimes but I think it’s more of a trauma response

Physically withdraws and mentally withdraws into fantasy – yes, but also a trauma/dissociation/autism thing

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: this one I’m not so sure of… I feel like the furthest away from narcissistic as you can get. But at the same time I relate to a lot of the more covert symptoms and experiences, though again that might just be the result of other things like borderline personality disorder and autism.

Grandiosity - One thing I attribute to this is what I call “selfish selflessness”, where I want to be the best at caring for people (mum, mostly). I want to be the most caring and thoughtful person but not because it’s a good thing to be or it benefits others, but because it would make people think highly of me. I’m thinking of the benefits I get from benefiting others. It’s so I will be appreciated, I will be the favourite child/friend/etc, I will be the most loving (and therefore the most loved…) – I’m doing nice things for others for me, not for them, even though they think it’s for them (and I let them think that). (Obviously other people are just happy that I’m doing whatever nice thing for them so it’s not actually a problem, I just don’t think this is why you’re supposed to do it!). I also see myself as superior to people who don’t do nice things for others. For example if I do something nice for mum but none of my siblings do, I think of myself as better than them.

Fantasies of power/success/ideal love - do revenge fantasies count as power, and imagining your ideal life [of being an unemployed hermit on a small farm lol] as success? Does “ideal” have to mean in a “this is what capitalist society sees as ideal” or can it be a personal ideal?

Belief of being special/unique - well… yeah… in a “I’m special/unique because I’m [insert marginalised identity] and therefore should be treated differently/better” way? like, “I’m The Most Mentally Ill”..

Requires admiration – I don’t know about this one… I do feel like I need positive/impressed reactions to my social media posts but I think that’s probably pretty normal

Sense of entitlement - see above

Exploitative - yeah, but like I said above, it’s a hidden sort of exploitation where others think it benefits them too

Lacks empathy - I don’t think I feel empathy, or at least not very much. I find it hard to believe that people actually feel what other people are feeling… how would anyone get anything done if they’re feeling other people’s emotions as well as their own! I don’t think my lack of empathy is a problem (I don’t lack compassion which I think is more important), I just wanted to make a note of it.

Envious or believes others are envious of them - Not really. I am envious in terms of like “I wish I was rich so I didn’t have to struggle through life” or “I wish I had a caring partner like so-and-so” but I think that’s normal

Arrogant - internally, yes, but not outwardly?

I think I do have fragile self-esteem & need others to boost it, but only to some extent. I’m also not a perfectionist.

There’s a psychologist named Elinor Greenberg whose written about “covert narcissism” which I think I fit some of. She says covert narcissists are conflicted about attention because they’re scared of it but also craves and needs it. I think that’s true for me, but it also sounds more like a trauma response than narcissism. She talks about using ‘acts of service’ as their way of being admired, which I mentioned before. She also says that people with covert narcissism have trouble with assertiveness and have trouble saying no, which we know I struggle with.

Some kind of eating disorder. Ones that stand out for me in particular: Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. These are tricky because it might just be autism sensory issues plus gender dysphoria and internalised fatphobia, but it also might not be. When I was living alone I would have definitely fit the bill for binge eating disorder, but since moving back home I don’t anymore. That’s just one to keep an eye on for when I move out again. Anorexia I think is more in my thoughts than my actions, since my actions (i.e. avoiding food) are more driven by sensory issues and executive functioning. But I definitely have thoughts and urges of food restriction. So another one to keep an eye on. I just remembered that we once talked about this and how it could be a sort of “subconscious self-deprivation”, like a “you don’t deserve to eat” thing rather than a “don’t eat so you’ll get skinny” thing. Though it definitely has elements of both. Plus the hunger cues problems we’ve talked about before, and the general disinterest in food and sensory issues. I also hate eating food in public because I feel like I’m being judged, which is probably around body image and fatphobia and maybe schizotypal ideas of reference?

Possibly Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder: we’ve spoken before about attention and executive functioning problems, and how it can be because of dissociation (and autism?). I’m on the fence about this one, I know ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap. I definitely don’t have any hyperactive symptoms (except sometimes restlessness but that’s probably normal now and then). But I relate a lot to what I hear people with ADHD say about their attention problems and need for stimulation.

If something is boring, I have a really hard time getting myself to do it, and we’ve talked a lot about procrastination problems.

I have trouble paying attention for more than say, half an hour at most. (I admit I zone out during our sessions occasionally…).

I have trouble planning out things like assignments, I find it easier just to jump in. But that often makes my essays seem all over the place and unstructured. (I also never proofread them or did drafts or anything which didn’t help…).

I’ve always had this problem where my brain is just. really noisy? It got better when I started antidepressants (I remember telling the doctor who prescribed them that my brain was quieter and she gave me this weird look) but it’s still such a problem that it interferes with getting to sleep. It feels like there’s “layers” to my thoughts, with conscious thinking on top and then underneath there’s subconscious thinking (things like, “I’m hungry”, “it’s raining” etc), usually a song or two playing, a daydream, a clip from a movie or a part of a book (I don’t think this is what most people mean when they say something is “playing on their mind” but for me it’s literally like there’s a DVD player in my brain with whatever part of a movie I’m thinking about playing on a loop)

Whenever I read someone’s experience of getting medicated for ADHD I always wish that I could try ADHD medication because it sounds amazing.

I also think I have auditory processing issues which seem linked to ADHD (also not sure if that’s a psychiatric thing or a medical thing).

There’s an ADHD expert (Richard Barkley...?) who’s come up with something called “sluggish cognitive tempo” which I relate to a lot. All that said, I know that ADHD has a lot of overlap with autism so it could just be that.

Possibly Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder traits: mostly because of my obsession with diagnoses, really. I had symptoms of this when I was a kid (repetitive hand washing, obsessing over natural disasters, impulses around symmetry and needing things to be Just Right…) and probably would’ve been diagnosed if I had seen someone about it then, but not now. I think it was probably some kind of trauma response? I think I ruminate a lot now (as in schizotypal PD) but not to an OCD degree, except I am obsessive about finding disorders that I may or may not have. I do find it interesting but I don’t really get any joy out of it, and it takes up a lot of my time, which is why I’ve thought sometimes about having traits of OCD (definitely not the full disorder though).

Complex PTSD: you’ve said “complex trauma” a lot but I don’t know what that means in a diagnostic sense. I think we’ve spoken enough about trauma that I don’t really need to justify why I think I have CPTSD.

Emotional dysregulation – we’ve talked about this a lot

Feeling worthless & guilty/ashamed – yes.

Relationship problems – I don’t know… I’ve talked a fair bit about relationships in the above parts. I do feel like I don’t really belong a lot. Like I’m different from other people in some deep, fundamental way and not in a good or special sense.

Plus PTSD & trauma symptoms and DID and dissociation…

I also want to bring up some reoccurring psychotic thoughts I have. The werewolf/dog one is there all the time, though sometimes stronger than other times (full moons always). The other most frequent one is being dead, which is there say… 8 days out of 10. I also quite often believe that my cat is actually a very lifelike robot. The other reoccurring ones are feeling like I only exist when others are interacting with me (which we already talked about and probably is more a dissociation/trauma thing but I think it could be both that and psychosis-ish) and sometimes I feel like I’m a prophet of some kind. I don’t know for who. It’s more feeling sort of like a god or like I’m supposed to have some higher purpose I guess. I also believe there’s a little wolf (sometimes a snake) who lives in my stomach and eats my feelings which is why it’s hard to feel them. None of these are particularly distressing except for the not existing one. I also used to think a lot that people (dad in particular) could read my mind, and to prevent my thoughts from being broadcast I would imagine a sort of cocoon around me that kept my thoughts in. I haven’t had to do that for a while, but it used to be multiple times a day. I think all of these psychotic experiences could be part of schizotypal PD but if they warrant a different disorder then I’m open to that too.

I recently found out about something called “pathological demand avoidance”… I absolutely did that as a kid and still do to some degree. That doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of this email, I just remembered about it and wanted to note it. I guess it’s similar to the self-sabotage in borderline PD?

---

phew. that's a lot. tumblr kept telling me there was a 4096 text characters per block limit lol...

(keep in mind this was written for my psychologist as the audience and not for general tumblr so when i say "you" or "we" i'm referring to her & i, not YOU or you in a general sense. and some of it i literally copy-pasted from posts i've made here about "i think i have x" lol.

[sadhoglet]

wow a lot's happened since i last posted here

I got double-engaged!! I have two fiancees and i love them both. I live with one and the other is long-distance but we're all gonna live together one day, and there's even some cute triad energy going already/flirting between the two of them omg it's so nice

I left Panera briefly, went to a job where i felt like a zombie and everyone was super unfriendly, and came back. I'm hoping to get another job that pays better/has better benefits but i guess i'm stuck for now.

My third gf ghosted me over the course of six months, barely speaking to me unless i messaged first, never trying to hold a conversation, etc., so I ended things. It had dragged on for so long that it barely felt like we were together anymore anyway.

My best friend also ghosted me??? She found a new bff and group of friends and suddenly stopped talking to me, despite us being super close and talking every day before that. I still work with her and I feel super awkward around her like....she basically replaced me despite saying a lot of shit about being best friends, sharing a lot of personal and painful things with each other, etc. It really feels like I was an emotional crutch for her while she was getting out of her shell, until she met her people and then I was thrown away. I feel super used and gross about it still. The worst part is, when i messaged her saying I felt uncomfortable and it was clear we weren't friends anymore, she was like, "wow, this feels like it came out of nowhere???" Which hurt even more.

I guess being ghosted by two really important people in my life at the same time kind of fucked me up, and I became incredibly withdrawn and isolated like I tend to do when things like this happen. Abandonment issues babeeeeeeeee. I didn't realize that's what I was doing until like two weeks ago. Weirdly enough, reading fanfics and gay manga is what got me out of that rut? Instead of distracting myself with mindless video games, having to actually think about feelings and relate to them.

So yeah, i'm gonna try and get back into therapy, because obviously I need it. Valerie recently got a job too and now she's out more/sometimes has to sleep earlier than me, and I've noticed how...lonely I get and how those negative, self-hating thoughts come back almost immediately. I want to write more too...or at least, journal on here consistently. Having a space for myself is really good.

I sort of broke things off with super-emotionally-distant-and-flaky-Sarah for awhile. Having intense feelings for someone i could never be with was really starting to hurt. Not her fault-- she was very clear about where she is and I honestly did it all to myself. But I came back after like a month and a half, oops. She's been actually trying more though, and i've been trying to temper my expectations in turn. It's become clear that she has mutual feelings for me too which is unexpected. Sighhhhh she's like the forever unreachable third wife I wanna have one day. I don't know if i'd go for a third relationship now, but for her, i'd always make an exception. She's really special to me.

Anyway that's my life. I'm still a traumatized mentally ill orphan child with health issues and an ED and body image problems but at least I have two amazing partners and a decent job and i'm not homeless. Super broke, but i can do nice things every now and then. I feel a bit stuck but...that's okay. I'm still growing. and my 30s have been the best years of my life so far. Here's to hoping.

[opinated-user]

Having just watched SU and the movie (still working on the sequel series), that latest video is just amusing to me.

I mean, we all know the real reason she shit this out. Not because she's taking a more "Comedic approach to criticism", but because her viewership is bleeding out and her one trick of shitting on SU is the only creative thing she's capable of (that and writing uncomfortable pedophiliac garbage)

I just have to ask, does she have any legitimate criticisms for that series other than "Fuck Rebeca Sugar" or "LOL Space Nazis"?

At this point I'm starting to wonder if she even watched the show. She focused so hard on that Garnet/Steven painting at the beginning, and I'm like "Vidalia painted that in the episode where Garnet got the one eyed kitten. It didn't just appear out of nowhere."

I also find myself wondering if she would have a completely different opinion about the show if Steven was a girl. She's so focused on the "Let's hate the white boy" shit, that she doesn't even bother to notice what's good about him. That Steven depicts traits that you don't see in other 14-year-olds boys on TV. That he's sensitive, compassionate, positive, and isn't afraid to cry or show emotion.

Just some thoughts given that the series is fresh in my head

the saddest part of all of this is that LO actually does have some good points. the series overall did had a problem with sticking with any given tone sometimes, the pacing sometimes it was awkward and the writing around certain characters could have been improved. those were some of the points i always agreed with when it comes to the criticism around this show that LO brought up on that video. (that you can watch without giving it views on this link: https://www.hooktube.com/watch?v=3uQ9lsA5HsA.) the problem is whatever good point LO does have about what is wrong with SU, she undermines it herself by making it about secret fetishes of Sugar, about coddling nazis or how the fact that it took some inspiration on anime makes it inherently worth less (nevermind that at this point that is the standard in the industry), when she's not actually making things up just to have another point against Sugar or shows she didn't do actual research. on top of the plagiarizing other people and then bash them when they happened to disagree with her takes or conclusion without actually engaging with what they were saying in the first place. there are so many other people who have criticized the show without doing any of that, so the fact that LO seems to want to add that into her brand is depressing because it does feel like LO is riding entirely on hateclicks, not in having any meaningful conversation about any of the themes or way the show was handled.

regarding Vidalia, LO actually brought her up but implying that she had some kind of romantic tension with Amethyst that never went anywhere, implying that it was another fault on the show's part... apparently forgetting the fact that Vidalia is already married and Amethyst never expressed that kind of interest on her either. so in theory she should have known already where that painting come from but she just forgot or she pretended to not know just to keep pushing "Sugar is a creep" narrative. she just bothered to rememeber Vidalia as the other half of a ship of hers that never happened and she's still not over it.

[axemetaphor]

my dad got his hands on a copy of Sonic 06 for the xbox and asked me to be his play-tester after having a lot of trouble with that speed level right at the beginning (catching up to Eggman's ship on the beach) and i got as far as the Silver battle before giving up, so here's my notes

DISCLAIMER this isnt an invitation to dunk on the game in the notes of this post alright we've seen enough of that. i dont hate the game. no, really, i dont. i respect everything it tried to be and feel bad for literally everyone working on it because, from what i gather, they were green and facing extreme crunch time. sucks for everyone involved. anyway:

the load times on xbox were VASTLY better, which makes a lot of sense, given from what i know the ps3 has a ... strange way of storing/retrieving/loading data, but they were still pretty long and a little too frequent for my liking. still, probably not anyone's fault, tbqh. i'll have to see if the emulator my dad's working on getting on his PC (finally, he's been trying to do that for years now lmao,) has the same issue to figure out if it's a programming problem or hardware. personally im pretty sure it's just hardware.

it's much easier to steer sonic if you use the camera and his movement, but the camera will still fuck you over. this isnt 06 specific though game cameras are Always hard to wrangle lmao

the animations for this game are so strange... i dont say this as a negative whatsoever. it looks like they were mocapped, which is fascinating to me, translating human proportions onto sonic--it doesnt always work, and i personally wouldn't've made the choice to do that, but it makes me want to study it lmao

the voice acting as well is strange, at least in english; im not knocking anyone's work, whatsoever. i still really love the performances. but i think back to this one tweet i made about silver's intro dialogue where i mentioned that i loved the performance, but the poor guy sounded like he'd done a hundred takes of the audio and was losing grasp of Words themselves (As happens to everybody) and Silver's english VA not only liked the tweet but started following me because of it. this was during the trend of not actually giving VAs context for their dialogue, and not really.. respecting them at all, and it makes me sad to think that maybe they did stick everyone in a box, hand them lists of lines, and make them say them over and over until the director got whatever they wanted--or, on the opposite end, were only given enough time for a single take out of the inherent disrespect for VAs that's present in Many fields

the environments are fucking gorgeous and i was genuinely surprised by how many things i could interact with in the levels. granted, i did get stuck on them sometimes, but i doubt the poor devs got any chance to fix that shit. i liked especially ramming Eggman's Cerberus into a statue instead of the wall and watching the statue completely shatter, that's genuinely pretty cool, they couldve just had it be like the walls, static and unreacting. i also liked how the Cerberus decimated those pillars, but thats mostly because the camera kept getting stuck on them

there's very little active direction in the game, save for the floating (?)s, which can sometimes be wordy enough that ive already fucked up and died before theyre done talking. that's probably on my dumbass though.

collision physics in this game ... sure is. i cant remember if all games from the 2000s were like this given i have more experience with older games (pre-00's) + brand fucken new ones so someone else weigh in on this s'il vous plait.

the pre-rendered cutscenes are still fucking gorgeous. delightful.

so much of this game is such a lovely awkward development-stage kind of thing, like awkward teen years. the homing-attack mechanics make me grateful for the auto-targeting of later games. the way he goes from 0 to 100 is in character but hard to play (unwieldy) and makes me glad for the more measured sliding scale of other games. the sprint parts of the game, where youre just steering him, are so fucking cool but i am so fucking bad at them and im glad that in future games the sensitivity of the controls was turned down. it took me some lives to get into a proper rhythm with it, get a sense of just how much of a hair trigger the directional changes were. tails' attacks in this game definitely felt like they could've been much better (throwing the bombs is So difficult to aim, thanks to the camera and how long the animation for it is) and i'm glad they're different in other games--the bombs is a cool idea, just needed to be implemented differently imo

if you knwo more about the development n shit of this game id love to hear it, all i know is they had serious crunch time to release the game alongside the ps3 as its flagship game and had to cut a lot of steps from the process/cut a lot of corners. i attribute a lot of its flaws (and "flaws") to that tbqh. sonic 06 is not a bad game, it's a game that was failed by its circumstances. i dont know fully, im just an animator, i have never in my life made a proper video game.

also this may just be me but i have a theory that this game was meant to be like the Shadow the Hedgehog game, and not rated E for Everyone after all. the darker storybeats (sonic's murder, elise's death, silver's future etc) all feel like they'd have been better-executed at a level closer to that. it feels To Me like they were developing the beginnings of this game (script, designs) in tandem with the endtail development of ShTH, and when it received pushback for the guns, swearing, and violence, they panicked and had to neuter the story. i have a lot of respect for what the game COULD have been.

[rookie-critic]

Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023, dir. David F. Sandberg) - review by Rookie-Critic

The first Shazam! was a very funny, if not a little messy and tonally inconsistent, take on a superhero film. It wanted to be a goofy comedy, but still felt like it needed to adhere to a trappings of the genre and being a part of a larger connected universe. Fury of the Gods is basically just a lesser version of the original, with everything about the first film dialed up, which has its pros and cons. The pros are that everything that was funny in the first film is still funny here and the theme of found family still rings very true. On the former, Zachary Levi brings a ton of charm to the screen, and the whole "child in a super powered adult's body" shtick is mostly endearing. We're also getting a ton of that style from the other family members this go around, as the end of the last film (spoilers for the first Shazam! here, but if you've seen any promotional material for this one this shouldn't come as a surprise) saw all the children in the foster family receiving Shazam powers. Adam Brody, Meagan Good, Ross Butler, and D. J. Cotrona are all very funny as the aged-up versions of their respective characters, and Grace Caroline Currey, who plays Mary, the eldest of the foster kids, gets the unique privilege of playing both her regular self as well as the Shazam-ified version of her character, and does a pretty great job at both. However, the real superstar of both this and the original film is easily Jack Dylan Grazer, who is a bonafide scene stealer in everything I've seen him in. For all of this film's faults, and there are a decent number of them, I really didn't care as long as Grazer was on screen being hilarious.

Now, the film's biggest pro is also its greatest fault, and that humor that made the first film stand out has a large tendency to feel quite forced in this one. Some of the lines feel thrown in out of left field, existing for no other purpose than to attempt at a laugh, and it makes those moments feel more awkward than anything else. Also, I feel as though the filmmakers were very aware that people liked the duo and chemistry between Grazer and Levi in the first film, and sought to capitalize on that, regardless of how much time it sacrificed for both actors' counterparts. Asher Angel, who plays the un-Shazam'd Billy Batson, gets what amounts to maybe 5 minutes of screen time, and the same can be said, albeit less so, for Adam Brody, who plays Grazer's character Freddy Freeman's Shazam-form. There are times in the film where you absolutely would not be blamed for forgetting that Zachary Levi/Billy Batson even is actually a child, because he seems to hardly ever switch back, which hurts the aspect of the film that makes the comedy work: watching Levi act like a child in the body of an adult superhero.

The film also has the same problem as the first in that, for what is by all accounts a comedy, Fury of the Gods takes itself very seriously in bursts, I would say even more so than the first. There are a few moments that are outright dark, and while I'm not one to generally turn my nose up at clashing tones in movies, it is so stark of a difference between the comedic and the dramatic that it was hard not to just be confused. I found myself asking who they thought their target audience was multiple times. A lot of the drama surrounds the film's antagonists, played by Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu, and while they are both amazing actresses who are clearly outclassing everyone else in the room with them, they sometimes feel like they're from a different movie, much like Mark Strong's villain from the first Shazam!, albeit less so. Taking the good with the bad, though, I didn't hate it. The Shazam! films ask you to check your brain at the door, and I did, and because I did, I found Fury of the Gods to be a harmlessly good time. I can see this one being divisive, but if you enjoyed the first one, I think there is enough similarity between the two to keep you interested.

Score: 6/10

Currently only in theaters.

[saucetail-hasanewblog]

OK so it is still just a wip but it is the story of pyotr nd dieter's first meeting :^]!!! I'll put under the cut lol

The moment I opened the door, a chill swept through my body. Compared to the inside of the house, the night was cold. To the point that it hurt. Although maybe it was aggravated by the fact I was only wearing a tank top. I had taken my leather jacket off a couple of hours ago, as all the beer I drank warmed my body a considerable bunch. Well, that and the fact that I was dancing. I didn’t want to sweat on the nicest jacket I own. It’s a true back-breaking task to wash these, you can’t just throw them on the washing machine, you know.

Closing the door, I took a few steps forward. Until the smell of cigarettes hit me. I smoke sometimes, but it’s more of a social activity for me. It’s very rare that I’ll smoke if it’s not offered to me first. Looking to each side, I try and figure out where it’s coming from. Took me a surprising amount of time, but I finally spotted someone sat down on the outside of the house. He looked nervous, seemingly not even noticing that I’m here. Or ignoring me.

Person that is sitting by themselves, seemingly lost in their own thoughts? Perfect time to introduce myself!

Changing my trajectory, I took some steps to the left and stopped by his side. I bent over a tad, to see if he would notice that I’m here. It took him a little while, but eventually he looked up. Careful and slow, perhaps so that his cigarette wouldn’t go out. He seemed surprised at my presence. The mysterious person had blue eyes, although they seemed almost completely gray. It’s not everyday you see someone with eyes like that.

- Hey.

He looked at me for quite some moments, analyzing. I let him do so. People typically do that to me. I think it’s the ear piercings. Using the opportunity, I do the same to him. In addition to having quite striking eyes, he has one of those short and round faces, which is not very common here in Germany. It’s kinda cute, you know? He does have a bit of a beard, but it is very sparse and only really on his chin. Almost as if he can’t grow a full one or just doesn’t want to commit. Well, I say that as if my beard in anything to stare in amazement at. It’s not that big, in reality, but it is fuller then what he has.

Then, maybe realizing how long we spent just staring at each other, his cheeks go red and he breaks eye contact. Smiling at the reaction, I prop my back on the wall.

- Uhm… Hello.

- Your name? - I ask.

- I’m… Ah, Pyotr. Anatolyevich. - After a long pause, he adds. - Ustrashkin.

- Well, if we’re being so formal… I’m Dietrich Wieland Gutermuth.

Pyotr looks off, but I know for a fact that his face must still be red. He takes a drag of his cigarette, then coughs. Fair, he took in a lot of smoke. I’ve dealt with shy people before, so his type of awkwardness isn’t an immediate turn off for me. Besides, his German is very heavily accented and stilted, so it’s definitely not his mother language. Our university isn’t famous for it’s exchange student program or anything, but we still get them sometimes. I can make an educated guess that he’s a Soviet. Although that I could easily glean from his name, so maybe I’m not a genius for deducting that much.

- I’m just joking. You can call me Dieter.

He doesn’t answer. Still shy, huh? No worries, I crack shy people wide open after a while. That sounded harsh. I don’t kill them. Only with kindness. Impulsively, I’m deciding this guy is gonna open up to me eventually, whether he wants to or not. Pyotr scratches the back of his neck.

- You’re from the Soviet Union, right? - I try to keep the conversation going.

He nods. Tired of standing up, I slide down the wall. My legs are all wobbly, but that’s because I spent at least an hour just standing around and talking to people. Plus the aforementioned dancing. And the beers. Which are all my own fault but I’m gonna blame the universe for my problems. Looking to my side, I can see him a little more clearly now. He sneaks a couple of glances at me, and I smile at him. Pyotr doesn’t return the gesture, but I don’t think it’s out of malice or anything. His cigarette is almost at it’s end. He reaches down and grabs a pack of them, which I hadn’t even noticed was there.

- You… You want one? - Pyotr turns his head to me, but still doesn’t quite look me in the eyes.

- Oh, I’d like that, yeah.

Reaching out, I take one. Social smoking and all that, you know. Since it was already ending, Pyotr takes the one he already had and snuffs it out on the floor. But seems he isn’t keen on just littering, so he just puts it in his pocket. Like a maniac. Man, it’s gonna get all dirty in there. He also takes another cigarette, which indicates to me he smokes for stress purposes. Pyotr is gonna develop some serious black lungs. Putting it between his teeth, he reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a lighter.

- Come closer. - He pretty much commands.

Huh. I stand there for a moment, a tad confused. Then, he turns to me and puts the lighter at the end of his cigarette. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Well, more sense then whatever else I could have understood from that. I obey, and touch mine with his. Which turned out to put us such close proximity that my hair is almost caressing his face. Pyotr fumbles for a couple of seconds with the lighter, furrowing his eyebrows. Eventually he gets it, though. It’s nice being this close, but I have to pull out before it gets weird. He does the same, although I don’t think he even noticed how close we got. Not surprising, since he was the one who set it up in the first place. Or maybe he did it on purpose. Hm, would he do that? Not sure. I don’t really have the full personality profile of Pyotr the Soviet exchange student to figure this one out just yet.

Still, I inhale. Huh, interesting. This tastes different then what usual cigarettes do. Odd. Man, why does it taste like that? The smell isn’t different, so why is the taste? It’s not that it’s outrageously bad or anything, just very different. Well, I already put it in my mouth. I don’t think I have a choice except to keep smoking it. I look to the side, but Pyotr doesn’t seem bothered at all. Since he just set the pack down on the ground, I could see the brand. Some Soviet brand I don’t think I’ve heard of before. Typically not a good sign. Taking it out of my mouth to puff out the smoke, I go back to trying to get a conversation going.

- Which country?

- Huh? - He seems confused.

- Which country in the Soviet Union?

Pyotr seems surprised that I know what is technically very simple knowledge. He stops for a moment to think, takes a drag and looks down at his shoes. They’re quite formal, not exactly what I would call party attire. But what do I know? Every occasion is worthy of party attire for me.

- Russia.

- Oh, nice! - I say. - From Moscow, or Leningrad or something like that?

- Ah, well… No…

- Where, then?

- I don’t think that… You would know where it is.

- You can just tell me anyway, man.

- Uhm, ok… - He mumbled. - Chelyabinsk, it’s close to the Ural Mountains.

He said that as if I have any idea where those mountains are. I must admit, although I have many, many qualities, knowing geography is certainly not one of them. I nod my head, pretending I understand. Pyotr pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and taps on it, so that the ashy parts fell off. They fell all over his pants. Speaking of, they’re also awfully formal. I’m starting to think this man has no idea how to dress for a party. The only article of clothing that he was wearing which was normal was his sweater. A very different taste in fashion. I mean sure, I am a punk, which technically doesn’t have the most normal of fashion choices, but it is more typical than his little grandpa getup. In fact, this makes me curious.

- What’d you think about the party?

- Huh? Ah… Well… I didn’t… Come in. - He said, embarrassed.

- Why?

- I’m not… Uhm.

- Don’t really like parties?

- Ah… No.

- I see. - I said. - But why did you come, then?

Pyotr seems to contemplate for a while before answering.

- My… My uh… Boyfriend*…? Asked me to come and… I couldn’t really… Uhm, say no. - He stumbled through his own words. *Freund

Huh. It hasn’t been any longer then a couple of weeks that university started, and this shy Soviet is already scoring? Damn. I haven’t been this surprised since… Well, I don’t think I’ve ever been this surprised! You know, I’m quite fast to get interested in other people, but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten my hopes dashed this quickly. I suppose I can’t be mean about this though, it’s not my fault that someone else also had interest in him. After my long, long seconds of silence, Pyotr finally turns to look at me in the face. His expression seemed equal parts scared and embarrassed.

- Did… Did I say something wrong? - Pyotr asked, his shoulders tense.

- No, not at all, it’s just… I’m just surprised is all.

- About what?

- Well… You know… - I gestured with my cigarette in hand, which spread ash around. - That with only a few weeks in Germany, you’re already dating.

- Dating? - He said, although it sounded more like a choke.

Looking at his completely red face for a couple of additional seconds, I have my own moment of confusion. Then, the gears in my head start turning. Oh. Ohohoh. Yeah, I think I quite understand what the mistake here was. I really didn’t want to make him feel bad, but I couldn’t help it. I started laughing. Quite a lot, even. Maybe too much. I’m just relieved, and a bit entertained. Putting my hand on his shoulder, I try to recover my breath so that I could explain what was going on to the poor guy.

- See, Pyotr… - I start. - That word you used? While it does mean what I think you meant, it can also be a word for… you know…

- I don’t know.

- A romantic partner.

What was once a face showing mixed feelings, became a stage for pure horror. He turned almost his full body to me and gestured something that was pretty much unintelligible.

- No! No! I meant friendship! Friendship! - He explained.

It was probably even meaner now, but I ended up laughing in his face again. To be honest, I think it’s his desperate reaction that made it more humorous. Because, really, it’s an easy mistake for a foreigner to make. I’m not gonna punish him for not being completely fluent in German, it would be ridiculous of me to do so. Yet, on the other hand, it is sorta fun. As the moments went on and I didn’t punish him for the crime of being a foreigner, Pyotr loosened up a little. I took my hand off his shoulder.

- It’s… Not that funny. - Pyotr said, but I could see the smallest hint of a smile in his face.

- It isn’t. But I thought it was.

He’s quite cute when he smiles. I find dimples really pretty on people, what can I say? I don’t really mention it in case I come onto him too hard, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking it. Pyotr puts his cigarette up to his mouth again. I do the same, although I notice that quite a bit of it is over. Without me even smoking it. Almost close enough to burn my finger. Probably because of the time we spent just talking. Although I can’t complain much about that. It’s really not that great.

- Who’s your friend? - I asked. - I might know him.

- Mattie, from the mechanical engineering course.

- Oooh. Real party animal, that one.

- Him?

- Yeah. Can't tell it because of that dopey look in his face, right?

- I guess so. - Pyotr chuckles.

If he is anything like me, he's probably thinking of his friend doing something stupid. Like doing a keg stand. Which I insult but don't get me wrong, it truly is a skill. Just not a very useful one. Although I might be just a little bit jealous because I myself can't do it.

[newspropaganda]

Why do you think yugioh fans are liberals?

I'm 100% convinced people need to wake up to how Yu-Gi-Oh! fans keep going backwards with literally everything Yu-Gi-Oh! related. Isn’t it awkward, anon-kun, how most fans can’t see how messed up the Yu-Gi-Oh! community has become?

Back in the early 2010s, from around 2012 to 2014, Zexal was nearly untouchable in discussions—too toxic to say anything positive about it. Now, somehow, people are all smiles about Zexal, even though that show almost killed the fandom and didn’t offer much interesting content. Let’s be real—it was aimed at kids.

Then came 2015, and the Yu-Gi-Oh! community went full nuclear, like some campus liberal losing it over misgendered pronouns. It all started when Konami pandered to legacy fans, giving out nostalgia support in every new anime and hyping up a new movie. The community went from peaceful to a toxic battleground where any attempt at normal discussion was near impossible. Fans became too stubborn to accept any flaws in the shows and actually blamed 5D’s for every nitpicky issue they could think of—sometimes over stuff that barely made sense during its original run!

Then ARC-V came along, and people threw a tantrum because it was “stuck” in the Synchro Dimension for another year, thanks to the tournament arc. But honestly, that wasn’t even its fault—the focus was diverted to yet another movie, one that did its best to kill Yu-Gi-Oh!’s legacy for good. And just to put the cherry on top, discussing Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V became a nightmare; any debate quickly devolved into the fandom’s “headcanon” version of the plot. Insert a Critical Drinker-style joke here: "Because why bother with canon when you’ve got a nice, shiny headcanon, eh?"

I’ll be honest—I'm one of those fans who left the fandom after how far downhill things went, and it wasn’t just about the show's quality. It started feeling like some kind of biased movement, like the kind of rant you’d hear from a die-hard political party supporter. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I even had a massive feud with a user named ScarclightCipher (aka the Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC pervert), who kept stalking me with this twisted, incestuous ship that made me want to go back and rewatch bad movies—movies that actually had more substance than this junk. He was the fandom's joke until a fangirl finally kicked him out, trashing his so-called legacy. Haven't seen him since.

The problem is that Yu-Gi-Oh! fans can’t think straight anymore. It's like they’ve got a kind of “Donald Trump Derangement Syndrome,” feeling ashamed to even have an opinion without getting defensive—like chewing gum in a courtroom debate about who’s right or wrong.

Why do Yu-Gi-Oh! fans go off-topic so much? It’s like trying to explain why certain things just don’t work in the series, but they end up making the discussion worse. I remember having a conversation with someone named RainbowYuto, and he admitted he never watched 5D’s because he only got into Yu-Gi-Oh! recently, while I’ve been a fan since 2001—even though I grew up watching GX later since I didn’t have a computer at the time.

Honestly, I think Yu-Gi-Oh! fans, especially in America, can’t think straight, kind of like how people couldn’t think straight during the 2016 election. They were having complete meltdowns over the “orange man,” who, for all his faults, never actually started a war or seemed truly evil. The real issues people had with Trump were things like his comments about women or the way he insulted Rosie O'Donnell and other opponents in debates, mostly to rile up liberals.

It seems like many American Yu-Gi-Oh! fans aren’t just frustrated with politics but also with the game itself, which has turned into a toxic mess over the years. I honestly don’t get why there’s so much paranoia over politics, a president, or even a card game. In my country and others, like Japan, people seem way more relaxed. Even in Japan, the fans tend to be friendlier compared to how things have gotten in the U.S.

To me, America has always been about mainstream tastes—stuff like Tom and Jerry, The Three Stooges, and, lately, getting tangled up in bad politics with gender and woke ideology. It’s only gotten worse in the 2020s compared to 2015 onward. Just to be clear, I don’t care about the 2024 election, other than seeing it as a chance to share memes that highlight how the real losers in America are the ones who blame Trump for everything, just to help globalists who control the media and government keep fueling wars in Ukraine and Gaza.

People like Des Shinta, who support LGBTQ+ causes and hate Trump, do so because the government there is so messed up, and things can’t seem to improve. It feels like America pushes “woke” agendas even in entertainment, like Marvel movies, especially with something as big as Avengers: Endgame, which reflects how the Democratic Party seems obsessed with pushing its views at any cost, even at the expense of fans.

But what does this have to do with Yu-Gi-Oh!? A lot, actually—American fans tend to focus only on Yu-Gi-Oh! DM (Duel Monsters) and often act like jerks. I can’t stand Seto Kaiba fans who hate Trump yet support poorly adapted anime like DM or Bleach, because that’s just the kind of mindset that “modern liberals” have nowadays. Don't get me started on my problems with MangaKamen and Cancel Culture or heck, fucking literacy in American and people telling me to support it.

So, yeah—that’s my point.

[helptheheart]

DREAM DREAM DREAM.

Hey-yoo. *awkward laugh*. Ik I havent posted in a while, not that anyone really cares. I have a little to talk about though. Lets start with what happened on sunday. So I was working sunday. I work in a pub, and we sell in house-made sausage rolls on weekdays; since I started working weekdays, I've started having to sell the sausage rolls. So I completely blanked and forgot what day it was when someone asked for a sausage roll, and we don't do them on sundays. I said 'yeah of course' put it through and the ticket came down from the kitchen because they were asking about it. I owned up, and said it was my mistake I don't know where my head's at right now and Ill go let them know that I fucked up and that they have two options to fix it. They could ether have the item removed from the order and given a full refund, or have the item replaced free of charge. they ordered another soctch egg. so that was sorted.

There was this old lady that ordered a soctch egg from me, I asked her where she was sitting she said she was sitting outside, I told her that was grand and Id bring it out to her when it was ready. A few minutes later she's back at the bar asking about it, someone asked if I served her I said yes, they asked if she ordered an egg I said yes, they asked if she paid for it I said yes. the lady ordered an egg with me and she paid for it. But the watires just couldn't let it go, she kept checking with me that she did actually pay and that she did order with me, because the old lady was confused and started saying that she ordered with the waitress instead of with me, the only bar-maid. But that stressed everyone out, so I went sort of non verbal, and because everyone was stressed every little thing was a piss take, and it was my fault. so obviously by default they should all be pissed at me. I don't take it very well. I don't take the stress of other people being upset with me very well, especially not when I consider these people my friends. So obviously I started crying. Now, I don't really like to let my self cry in public. or really at all, there's always this little voice in the back of my head, telling me that I'm embarrassing myself,.and that crying sint going to help when I fuck up. so I don't like to cry often. and when I do feel like I am going to cry, I hold it in the best I can. Im kinda proud to say that when I am able to hold it in my eyes get missty at best a few times and then I tell myself to get over it cause I'm being dramatic. This wasn't one of those times. One of the other bar people,Romeo. if you remember him. He sorta tried to comfort me, and explain that he wasn't pissed at me, and that it wasn't my fault. that we all fuck up, and I'm still in training so its expected of me to fuck up like this sometimes. And really, he thinks its the other persons fault (the other guy on the bar) he asked him to swap with me when it got buissy so I wouldn't get too stressed out and so they could get the rush done with, but he was too buissy playing pokimon go, in the bar back area to come do his job. which led to me fucking up. Romeo, sent me out for a brake so I could go calm down. I think I let my self cry for 20 minutes, before I decided that was being dramatic.

and that was the sunday stress.

But my new problem. it might of been either suaturday or sunday night. I think It was Saturday night.

I told my brother about H. and how he and I... messed around.I told him everything, within reason. because, I wanted to give that ginger bell end his shirt back, and we all know that H isn't going to answer me if I text him. and when I gave the shirt to my brother and said. 'give this back to H' he asked why. I said because it was his, and obviously the flood gates of questions opened up. "why do you have his shirt?" "why cant you give it back yourself?" "when did you get his shirt?" and I actually think that was all the question. I expalend all. I told him that H gave it to me around the start of last moth when I went round his, that he told me to keep it, (which idk to me sounds like bf behaviour but apparently he give out his shirts like an std to all the girls) I told him I couldn't give it back because H just isn't talking to me anymore. because I blocked him, I stuck to my story of it being an accident and I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL. I also told him how, H took my innocence. I mean yeah sure I gave it to him, but talking to people bout it makes me think that I did it so he would stop bringing it up. My brother knows about my asexuality, infact I think him and my sister both knew about it before I did. and he agreed and said H could of picked a better person to try and get with in that way, because, It either I have a very specific type because Im not into people that way, or I just truly am asexaul and its just never going to happen like that in my head. My brother told his girlfriend lets call her flower. Flower is mad at H. which I think if pretty fun and cute of her to be mad at him. He also told his best friend, who is the whole reason I even met H in the fist place. My brother, lets call him River, said that that the whole time he was telling his friend, he was in mouth opened shock. and said the same thing river did when I told him "Your telling me that 'sadgirl' (not gonna put my real name) lost her virginity?" I mean I think its pretty funny at this point, its been a whole month since I did it, and Ive talking about it a lot with my friends, and on here that I'm comfortable with the idea and the fact that I did. But I'm not gonna lie. I was super nervous at first to tell river, cause I thought he was gonna be mad. He wasn't, and he said he just thought it would be someone different, someone better for me than H. I agreed obviously, but I cant just ignore that fact that Im in to gingers.

So me and river were talking last night, and he said he cant stop thinking about what he's gonna say to H when he gives the shirt back, and he cant wait to see the look on his face when he does. I don't think its gonna be anything to write home about but I would love to see the look on his face too, just to know if I actually meant anything to him. Which lets be honest I really didn't did I? But both my brother and Roemo think the real reason H isn't chatting to me, isn't because I blocked him (accident or not) its because he's embarrassed. which I think is funny, so I'm also choosing to think he's embarrassed. Let me tell you the soul reason I think he's embarrassed. One I did cum. Two, I was also kinda just existing there, like I said in the post where I talked about it, it just felt like filling a hole, so I wasn't very vocal about it, it also didn't last very long. So I guess if I was a guy I would be embarrassed too. I was pissed off after we did it for 2 reasons, one I lost my headphones. (I found them later in my bag) 2 as mentioned I did get to finish. so I kinda just sat there with a sour look on my face. He asked me twice if I was okay after, at that point in time I was more miffed about the fact that he got me all worked up, for NOTHING. But I couldn't just like tell him that right? I couldn't just look him In the eyes and go. "I didn't cum, so I'm a little disappointed" rIGHT. so I just said I was upset that I lost my headphones. (which I found what like three days later in my bag under my portable charger T-T)

BUT NO ANYWAY, BACK TO WHY I WANTED TO WRITE. I JUST WOKR UP IT IS 2:38 PM. I HAD A DREAM ABOUT HIM. it was nothing spicy, I've never actually had a spicy dream about anyone I know. But the dream basically what it was, I went to his house, but before I could like knock on the door, he opened the door, cos he ordered a pizza, he took the pizza's in then stood at the door looking at me. instead of talking like normal people, we texted. I don't remember a lot about what was said but I do remember, he put his hand on my cheek, and gently rubbed his thumb over my cheek. I REMEMBER TEXTING "fuck is that about. you wanna ignore me and then you touch me like that, like you still wanna chat to me,"

and in the dream, he apologised to me. which he never actually has done. Im not sure, if that what I subcontously want. If I want him back in my life or if I just want a real emotional intelligent apology from him. For all the emotional stress he put me though, for the presser he said he wasn't putting on me to have sex, but I knew it was the only thing that was gonna keep him around me, and then he just did chat to me. and this was before I blocked him. Maybe I do just want an apology, from him, telling me that he's actually sorry, for how he made me feel. He never once actually tried to understand how I feel, it was only ever about how he felt. How he wanted to have sex, while I as an asexual person didn't really care about it. I did it to shut him up and because I was curious. He kept hyping it up so I wanted to see if his game was as big as his talk. It wasn't. I could of done a better job myself in 5 minutes. I guess, all I want is a simple sorry. But its not something Im ever going to get. Not from him, or any other ass whole. I just want a sorry, from him. Sorry for making you feel somewhat important to someone for the first time, and then ignoring you. But that's all I'm gonna write rn bc I might have a brake down and istg this boy has gotten me in my feels too much.

[krpgarden]

hey there! i was curious on your opinion when it comes to fantasy rps. the two things i've noticed is that: 1.) most recent fantasy rps that open end up closing or going inactive within a week. do you think that's due to their reservation goals not being met? it's understandable, but i think fantasy admins need to prioritize the few members that *are* interested, instead of pandering to a big crowd. it's a niche roleplay interest in krp, and not many are gonna be jumping at the idea. what do you think? 2.) do you think there's a reason female muses don't get rsvps/apps in rps like these? this isn't always the case, but it's the case more often than not. a fantasy rp recently opened and i saw that all the reserves were male fcs, and that just never bodes well. i know it's not the admins faults, though! just something i don't care to apply to if there's gonna be 1-2 female muses per 5 male muses. not trying to hoist you on an opinion pedestal, i've just noticed how often you praise fantasy rps (i love them, too!) and i was just curious if you had any theories as to why these things happen. is there a way to potentially combat this? this is an open topic for others to anonymously chime in on! i'd love to make a fantasy roleplay that prioritizes small member counts and an even ratio of female:male fcs. thanks in advance! <3

hi there, thank you for your message! 🥺 this is great to read, i appreciate you giving me something to think about! this is going to be interesting.

since my answer is going to be a bit longer, i will put it in a read more as to not clutter everyone's dash, but if anyone has any thoughts or opinions about this, feel free to send in a message!

most recent fantasy rps that open end up closing or going inactive within a week. do you think that's due to their reservation goals not being met? it's understandable, but i think fantasy admins need to prioritize the few members that are interested, instead of pandering to a big crowd. it's a niche roleplay interest in krp, and not many are gonna be jumping at the idea. what do you think?

i think there could be many reasons that play into this. some that come to mind are:

disproportionate effort: fantasy rp admins have to put in a lot of thought, time and effort into the lore of the roleplay. there are races, history, locations, skills, etc. that need to be thought of as they are creating a world different from ours. maybe after creating a roleplay for days and only seeing a few reservations and applications admins feel discouraged? at this point it would be good to just accept the smaller numbers and really engage with those who show interest. however, sometimes it's hard to see the interest if it doesn't really show?

niche interest / number of members: as you said, and this also plays into the problem mentioned above – fantasy krp seems to kind of niche, so fewer people are interested. i think in most cases, people prefer roleplays with bigger numbers (more people = more plots = more fun!), so small roleplays get overlooked. then, i think, there might be another problem related to this... since oc roleplays are more niche anyway, one may encounter the same roleplayers in other places. in the best case scenario, you get along well with those roleplayers, but i think a lot of times it comes to the situation where you have encountered these muns, tried to plot and then *insert (roleplay closed, went inactive, ghosted, no plot came to be, etc.)* and now it feels "awkward" to try and plot again – or, worst case, you just don't get along. in niche roleplays, we can't really expect to find "new" people all the time.

what do you think about this???

do you think there's a reason female muses don't get rsvps/apps in rps like these? this isn't always the case, but it's the case more often than not. a fantasy rp recently opened and i saw that all the reserves were male fcs, and that just never bodes well. i know it's not the admins faults, though! just something i don't care to apply to if there's gonna be 1-2 female muses per 5 male muses.

for this question, i wish i knew as well... i think most roleplays get more male fcs, right? there's this whole debate that only male muses get attention... i think there should definitely be some more encouragement for people to join with female muses!