#and it’s not going away
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Oof I really do not wanna work today I am in a bad fucking mood good gods 😭
#I’m so crabby and idk why#and it’s not going away#and I can’t smoke weed to help#ugh#4 fucking hours let’s get it over with
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My mom called me pretty for the first time this year and it’s been weeks but I just keep thinking about it.
I can’t count how many times she called me fat. Many times in front of others for a laugh. There are countless times that she’s mocked me and shamed me in front of anyone who would listen- when I got my period, when I was hurting myself, when she found out someone had kissed me, when I went on birth control, whenever I gained weight, when my skin was bad, whenever I was afraid of anything, whenever I cried about anything. Any chance she had she took. Family, friends, Facebook, teachers, random people in passing, always multiple neighbors- everyone knew everything and so many of them laughed.
But now I’m pretty.
#I’m so filled with anger lately#I am just so angry with everyone#I was angry as a teen but not like this#I know why I’m angry this time around#I am so sick of people treating me like shit#and me just being kind#and keeping my opinions to myself#and letting it happen#over and over again#I am angry with just about every person in my life right now#I am angry at myself#and it’s not going away#rant#ignore me
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not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]
#'your moon is here' things that make me explode like a supernova#UGHHHHHHH what if i was perpetually in your orbit. influencing the tides. protecting you from asteroids. and slowly drifting further away.#then you stopped moving and i was only pulse to your dead heart. orbiting you. right where ive been left. and so you started turning again.#ria.txt#personal#space opera au#(<- not about what you think is about)#hiiii this is gaining traction so glad we're all going insane :D your moon is here is SO fucked up. so good.#xkcd#randall munroe#space#moon#anyways xkcd comics are so good. entertaining witty and informative. check em out!#ok this is about false and ren from hermitcraft#falseren
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i feel like people are skimming over the uk riots in a way that makes me want to tear my hair out. muslims in the uk are in active danger. immigrants in the uk are in active danger. refugees in the uk are in active danger. people of colour in the uk are in active danger. asian communities in the uk are in active danger. black communities in the uk are in active danger.
there are massive far right riots throughout the country right now and people like fucking elon musk and nigel farage are inciting it and still have a platform to speak. people have used three young girls deaths, people's genuine grief in southport, to try and gain traction for their own racist bullshit and it's working.
a lot of refugee charities have been forced to close leaving many people without support, homes, funding, food, etc. if you aren't able to donate please consider sending a message via the conversation over borders campaign! it will send a hopeful, welcoming letter to a refugee in the uk. there is also a guide to staying safe here.
please do your own research and donate to refugee charities, anti-islamophobia charities, mosques who are trying to rebuild after being destroyed, counter protesters, here are some i've heard positive things about but the list is extensive; southport strong together (support for the southport victims and their families), southport mosque rebuilding, riot repair fund, middlesbrough vulnerable residents, nasir mosque rebuilding, hull help for refugees, bristol welcomes migrants,
#i know there's so much going on but if you can take a second to support these groups !!#i just feel kinda sick#i wanted to add with so many people seeing this that i'm white im british and im extremely privileged to not be in active danger right now#i don't want to take away from people speaking out about this who are in a place of danger#this was really only meant to be for my followers#but i'm glad more people get to see what's happening and donate !!!
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Spent a ridiculous amount of time last night obsessively editing my hand written zines in Photoshop to take away any tiny blemishes so they were definitely readable.
Whatever. Understand or don't.
#I can't always read hyper-neat cursive. Doctors get away with being worse than me.#I'm allowed to be messy#nariart#1 sheet zine#mini zine#8 page zine#zines#zine#Taking time to write slowly enough to be understood was a special kind of torture in school.#My brain was going 100 km/h and I couldn't keep up and also be legible.#Now I can take my time and take breaks. But I still have that little voice in my head.#narizine#nariwrites
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I want it to be a smoke weed at work day. But there have already been quite a few smoke weed at work days this week. So I'm unsure
#i dont wanna grt back to smoking at work every day cause that makes the weed go away so fast#but then again it is my bday season so
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The thing I keep coming back to, with all the *gestures expansively* is that real life doesn't have peaceful epilogues.
Every single win has to be defended. Forever. I'm sorry. It sucks. The Nazis lost until they stopped losing. The US had abortion rights, and then 50 years later it didn't. Empires fall, and then they invade other countries again. Oppressive regimes are overthrown and replaced with other oppressive regimes. You will never finish the work etc etc etc. Which is why it's so fucking important to be able to acknowledge and celebrate progress, when it happens. The people who came before you didn't put in all that work for nothing, and you aren't, either. You can't save it all for the Ultimate Victory because there is never going to be an Ultimate Victory. There's no such thing as a time when everything is good, and ours shall not be the commune of Heaven.
#rambling#like by all means always push for more#but man you gotta be able to note the small victories too#and you have to be able to step away for a bit when you need to because there's never going to be an Ultimate End#op
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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The bigger they are the harder they fall 🥹🐟
#halsin#clover#bg3#cloverhoney#baldursgate 3#myart#there's a conversation going on twitter rn about the specific types of garbage Clover has eaten#and how Halsin starts tagging along on Clover's morning forages and is by turns charmed and deeply disturbed#also he's 1 willpower point away from just picking him up in his mouth
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"we know how to move our bodies, but i didn't know how to manage my heart, so you need help for this"
hi we need to talk more about judo gold medallist christa deguchi.
#maybe i need her#that video about her battling mental health woes in 2021... ;___; i love her#she's all over the japanese forums the past few days#and the wlw community is going feral shfgshjfk#some of them call her “the one who got away”#and “my wife who was too hot for japan judo to handle but is now thriving under canada”#and today i just saw a post that just says:#i just learnt about deguchi-sama and then i rolled over in bed and looked at my husband#and thought to myself: maybe he's not the love of my life#in love with her actually#incredible things happening ;___;#also she has the three cutest cats........... please let me raise them with you....#long post#christa deguchi#team canada#olympics#paris 2024#cats#cats of tumblr#wlw#wlw post
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nothing personal but this kind of comment rlly exemplifies to me a disconnect between canon and popular fanon jmart characterization because they almost literally had this conversation in canon - except, their lines are swapped!
jon, for all his scared grouchiness, is a secret romantic, while martin, for all his forced optimism, is at his core a pragmatist
#and it's not like it's a throw away line either#its the penultimate episode and leads directly into the 'Where you go I go - that's the deal' convo#and this isnt the first time I've seen people swap them#otherwise i wouldn'tve made a whole post#tma#tma s5#tma finale#jonmartin#tma meta#stole the screenshot from another post because i didnt want to derail what people are mostly reblogging for a cute moment#and y know. it IS cute. that's why it's so weird that people seem to forget how it's nearly literally canon#EDIT: added that tag to the body of the post cause its rlly the conclusion
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Of the 19 hijackers who carried out the Sept 11 attacks:
15 were from Saudi Arabia (a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)
2 were from the United Arab Emirates (also a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)
1 was from Egypt, 1 from Lebanon.
None of the hijackers were from Iraq.
None of the Sept 11 hijackers were Iraqi.
None of the 9/11 hijackers were from Iraq.
#9/11#serious post#not a shitpost#this should be one of the first things kids learn when they learn about the 9/11 attacks#politics#this is just...it's such an essential and brazen fact and i rarely see basic outrage over it#i want outrage. i want fury. i want disgust over the way fundamental facts are disguised and discarded and downplayed#because there are things we should KNOW. basic fact we should ALL KNOW. and they are tucked away in the footnotes.#and no this is NOT to put the blame on other middle eastern countries#we know this was carried out by a specific terrorist organization not a national government#but King George the Second decided (and was encouraged by his cabinet!) to invade a nation!#a nation that was not at all related or responsible!!!#a dictatorship to be sure--but a dictatorship that King George the First had been happy to support#so what changed? why did we go in guns blazing to DEMOLISH a country *we had NO PLANS OF REPAIRING*???#well. because they wanted a villain didn't they. a nice clean war. clarity of purpose. us the heroes against them the villains#and when you're in that mindframe--truth is irrelevant. you can pick your villain (your victim) by rolling a roulette wheel#truth is irrelevant#worse: to the people in charge#truth is a HINDRANCE#'Alternative facts' existed long before it became a catchphrase#facts don't matter. truth doesn't matter. the impulses of a handful of volatile & rich & power-high people--that's History. congratulations
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imagine: you get your memories back after years of amnesia to find out your whole species is dead and earth doesn’t exist anymore. that the only thing left of your culture is your weird ex and his busted honda civic that barely even works that he stole from the government when he was 13. And he’s been taking members of an alien species for trips in his honda civic and they’re all like “woah it’s so cool” and you get upset because it’s NOT COOL it’s a honda civic, the turn signals don’t even work “wow it can go up hills” yeah OF COURSE IT CAN GO UP HILLS EVERY CAR COULD DO THAT. but they’ve never seen a car before so everything it does is the coolest thing ever. And your ex’s only tool is a fucking screwdriver which is somehow also cool to this dumbass alien species even though it’s a fucking screwdriver so you just look like an idiot screaming about how none of this is even cool it’s actually really shitty but your whole planet is gone so you can’t even prove it but also you’ve had a constant drumming sounding in your head since you were 10 slowly driving you insane. I would become evil too.
#This metaphor might have gotten away from me#Whatever#the master#thoschei#doctor who#tardis#the doctor#Companion: wow it can actually fully reverse and go backwards!#The master: *seething bc EVERY CAR CAN DO THAT*#I would be so mad if the only thing left of my culture was my ex and his terrible car#That he doesn’t even have a license to drive#Tensimm#J watches drwho#I really wanna draw this but I don’t have any artistic ability due to there being no apples in my brain#Plus your ex kinda wants to fuck the car#P-14a#10k#15k
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"We call it vff," said the alien. "It's - it's hard to describe to a species without vffsense. Imagine trying to describe light to a species that never evolved eyes. But there are forms of life that are only perceptible with vffsense, and they've visited Earth and fed on life as long as it's existed here."
There was a pause.
Then the human said, "That's the worst thing you've ever said."
"Don't worry about it."
"I think I have to, now."
"No, because - well - you have a species of spider which pretends to be an ant, correct? It's not capable of understanding the fact that it's mimicking an ant, but it instinctually mimics an ant in order to deter predators."
"Sure?"
"Humans produce a vff to mimic varths, predators only perceptible through vffsense. The organisms that would like to feed on you are terrified of varths, and so they leave you alone. You aren't aware you do it, you don't have the capacity to understand you're doing it, but you evolved to instinctually do it to deter predators you can't see."
There was a pause.
Then the human said in a very soft and thoughtful voice, "And are there varths on Earth?"
"Yes," said the alien. "Everywhere. But don't worry about it."
#science fiction#unreality#mimicry#aliens#i don't know what i'm on about go away#narrativia#10k#20k#30k
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I think he wld be very happy as a zookeeper
#extremely self indulgent art but drawing it made me smile maybe it will make you smile too. if you want#im going away now (to sleep) goodnight. be niceys#my art#dungeon meshi#Laios
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