#and it’s hard to talk to ppl who hate* you

[olderthannetfic]

Im neither a proshipper nor an anti at this current stage in life, but at one point i was an anti i guess? And I hate it say it, but looking back, I understand why. I don't think I actually gave a fuck about Harmful Fanfic or whatever, it was just a substitute for therapy that i couldn't get at the time (because "literally neurodivergent and a minor" or whatever, but like...actually literally neurodivergent and a minor LOL).

As weird as it sounds like, no one cared about my ACTUAL PAIN, and that made me feel EVEN MORE PAIN, so i took it out on ppl who shipped "abuse", or whatever.

It's so stupid now, as an adult who is mentally better than I was then, but as ridiculous as it was, seeing someone ship an "abusive" ship or a "queer erasing ship" (like a canonically gay character with someone of the other binary gender)...it felt eerily similar to the actual abuse I was facing and the stress that everyone was putting on me to find a boyfriend or ask why my (closeted lesbian) self didn't like any boys.

But it was so much easier to keyboard warrior about how people who ship Bad things are Bad people, than it was to fix any problems in my actual life because...well, the actual problems in my life COULDN'T be fixed. That isn't a learned helplessness thing, there was genuinely nothing I could've done. So pissing off Shippers was, like, a vessel for that, and it *felt* like I was getting to lash out at the same people who were ACTUALLY hurting me, even though that obviously is not the case. Funny thing is, it wasn't actual fandom discourse that made me switch sides, it was getting to learn more about youth liberation movements and stuff, because it was then that I recognized the actual structures that were making me hurt.

I think one silver lining is it's made me more compassionate an adult. While I don't have any defense for the antis who do actual horrendous stuff like doxxing or sending death/rape threats, etc, I do have a lot of defense for the ones who were like me and would just make posts talking about how Wrong it is to ship certain things. I know that not all antis are in the same place that I was once was, and some are just genuinely immature brats, but it's like. . . I get it, you know?

The cycle of abuse/bullying is weird and it's not often a 1:1 "I had an abusive parent so now i'll be an abusive parent", sometimes it's the chronically online stuff like I did. It's also why I'm careful-careful to not engage and to just block or, even try to have a mature discussion if I can, and if the person I'm talking to is just "a little bit annoying" rather than "actual bully doing/sending illegal stuff". A lot of them just want to be heard, I think, and it really makes me sad that this is the way they choose to be heard...but also i get it, because i was that.

--

Yup. We often discuss anti tendencies in this framework.

People want control over their environment when they have none. They want the world to make sense and for there to be simple rules they can follow to Never Mess Up. This is a very common reaction to trauma and also typical of brains that like order and neat boxes and a world full of justice and logic.

The trouble is that a critical mass of "I'm just pointing this out" type posts does tend to make all the other teens with an issue around moral scrupulosity implode. (And let's be real, plenty of the antis themselves are secretly into dark content and are trying to pray the gay kink away.)

I have some sympathy, but I'm still going to tell people they're sealioning when they are and tell them they're flat out wrong about how fantasies work, not sugar coat it because they're probably a delicate teen. There's no need to be excessively mean or treat people as irredeemable, but I also don't like how we talk endlessly about compassion for teen antis and not for teens targeted by antis. It's similar to how there are all those complaints like "Hey, I work hard to manage my mental illness, but all the support seems to go to people who are letting their issues rampage..."

[systenowy-blog]

I believe it's the problem everyone thinks they're experts when they are singlets and watched a movie Split because their source is "it's rare" or "I never heard about it so it doesn't exist" eventually "it's ridiculous so I don't believe you" and "every system is the same" while we should listen to a) systems (especially diagnosed ones) b) professionals, doctors, specialists. Talking/living with someone who has DID/OSDD is the best way to understand than searching for informations online when there's so much misinfo around. It's good to share experiences instead of stating dry facts. Of course you will not know EVERY possibility/outcome of the disorder so you have to be open to others being totally different. Always ask nice and not too invasive questions - nobody forces you to believe and accept everything if you don't want to but it doesn't mean you have to publicly hate/make fun of someone and their trauma. Used to see a group of ppl who were saying you're fake if you have an animal alter which is a very common thing for systems and yet, because there was no valid article/paper on that matter, they didn't want to accept this as possibility. I know there's not enough valid educational stuff to read and watch but it doesn't mean something is a proof of lying immediately if it was never portrayed in media as you deny existence of majority of systems in this case. I hate that some think they're somehow better basing their knowledge on fiction or without knowing the subject at all than those who live with that specific mental illness - it's ridiculous. It's hard to portray anything online at this point to not be seen as romanticising something to the point someone thinks it's fun and being too drastic - they will always judge and we don't have to please anybody. Let us live - not as your fetishes, ideas for fun/roleplaying or a horror genre - thank you!

Brad

I wish the sysblr (and the world) would be more like my wife.

My wife is not a system and any information she knows about systems comes from three sources; my personal experience, my therapist and research articles.

Yet she acts better than a lot of people I see online talking about systems (even the ones that ARE systems!)

My wife thinks endogenics are ridiculous and it's a disorder formed around trauma she understands how offensive it is to real systems - pro endo's why can't you be more like my wife?

My wife understands introjects are not their source and even when we introjected one of her favourite character's she knows that they are not their source and to treat them with their own individuality

My wife doesn't know everything about DID and she has the maturity to admit sometimes that she doesn't understand and will either take the initiative to research or allow me to explain it.

My wife understands that each individual part needs to be treated as such and with respect and always treats every part like their own individual (while understanding they are all part of Plura) - radical systems why can't you be more like my wife?

I think the world would be a much better place if everyone could learn a lesson or two from my wife and be more like her. Nuff said.

[elfcollector]

DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS (2009) — developed by bioware.

[glouris]

“they are very annoying and irritating” are you familiar with the concept of fun and being entertained by drama

[localfandom]

hb/hh fans: oh yeah! i liked this one scene where......

hb/hh haters: OK SO IN THIS ONE FRAME THE TEETH ARE ACTUALLY SLIGHTLY CROOKED WHICH DOESNT FIT IN WITH THE CHARACTER AND IN THIS ESSAY-

my point is that hh/hb haters are more obsessed with the show than the fans, if you hate the show SO FUCKING MUCH just stop posting abt, stop interacting with posts abt it and just forget it, its not that hard. Stop being a little bitch baby, grow the fuck up and live your life to the fullest instead of wasting your time slandering some random silly hell series.

[birdricks]

honestly beth and jerry have maybe my second favourite relationship in the entire show just for how interesting and tragic it is. like its brushed aside a lot in favour of other stuff but they were really both just kids... and the saddest part about them is that they maybe do love each other but its always in some way artificial

[bunnihearted]

regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

[mercymornsimpathizer]

💥💥💥uh oh! complaining alert!! 💥💥💥

[drifloonz]

your steven interpretation is boring and fits into the fanon characterization of steven, i wish you would be a little more unique with how you write him :(((((((

i do Not feel like this is true bc fanon steven is like nothingburger sexy guy or yandere... esque?? or things like that that make him very shallow and one note . And not super depressed and mentally ill as he would be. literally like Fanon Steven is Not my steven and my steven is also very near and dear to my heart bc hes a comfort character who i had when i was going through a lot of shit! Like Actually! I think about him a lot! And a lot of the things i do w him are lifted from canon and the ways i interpret and analyze the og story. not a lot of the fanon or fandom stuff ... Does that. a lot of it is very divorced from stevens struggles and story and the fact its a tragedy in favor of shipping or whatever else. they do not give steven realistic struggles.

also bc i havent properly written steven in ages. idk if you read my headcanons or analysis'. Read Those if so. I dont actually write shit almost ever especially now i do not write him as a character bc i like to think about him and how hed do things, i dont like to Write him.

my keyboard is broken i am tired and depressed and dont really have many ideas for things to write with him bc i exhausted a lot of them. i still think about steven daily though, im mostly focused on my self indulgent shit i write because thats all all of this was. sharing my self indulgent shit with people who are fighting for Crumbs of steven.

i think ab him more than almost anybody else seems to in this fandom other than a few people i personally know ( shout out to like 3-4ish people ) and a few others i dont personally know. There are not many people i know who have the same headcanons and a lot that did i think took it from me? which is kinda funny. i dont own steven having bpd but i think its a thing i popularized more for example afaik. i see little bits of my headcanons rippling into other peoples and its fun

Also what the fuck do you mean 'boring' what do you want the depressed adult ass man to do when hes isolated. Sorry that he is not dancing for ur entertainment? Sorry that hes not a crazed serial murderer!!! when... he.. Wouldnt be he only really killed mike and nobody takes doors open as canon ever bc its stupid. I have no idea what you mean by boring. the fuck would an 'interesting' interpretation be. i am not interested in entirely redoing his concept as a character or his story nor am i fucking rewriting strangled red or am ever interested in it bc i think its fine on its own and whenever anyone tries its usually... Not good. Even ( and especially ) when smr did it LOL ( thankfully he never got to strangled red proper ).

i dont like a lot of people that do that unless it has a reason because i think the og story is perfectly fine untouched even if some parts could be elaborated on or explained better, but i dont think you have to shove super big changes to things like 'missingno is actually a conscious entity that talks to him!!! mike DID kill her' Like this detracts from a lot of the story and things that do that at least in my opinion make it.. more boring. its fine if people like that but its not for me. you dont need to make strangled red more dramatic and explain away everything. some of the vagueness is the fun of it.

i just wanted to share headcanons and my own projections that i think would fit him to the world bc nobody really thought about steven in the way i did.

i know a lot of people really love my steven interp and think hes unique so i think you just dislike it. Which can be a thing you can do i dont give a shit. I would also probably dislike whatever yours is! Im very picky with steven interpretations! ok not really people just dont genuinely write him as a full-fledged character very often. i am not making 'content' for people. im just sharing what i want to. if that doesnt appeal to you make your own shit! You probably wont find a lot of people writing whatever you want steven to be so you should do it for yourself bc thats how i got here.

if im taking this very personally or sound like it im mostly jsut really confused. and also bc i half-am but i dont care that much. Bc like. What do you want me to do...? Im not going to suddenly rewrite the entirety of my own personal interpretation of a character ive loved for almost 2 years straight now for someone else. i barely use this blog anymore! except when i want to post analysis or headcanons. its self-indulgent! but i still sure do think about steven deeply and intimately even if it for some reason feels like i dont. i think the autistic analyzation of the og writing should paint that im like serious about it.

anyways, there was not much of a reason to send this if youre so upset i dont write steven content the way you want ( and you probably would also have a lot of ideas i wouldnt agree with. ) Then send me 50 dollars NOW! [ if it wasnt obvious this is a joke. ]

[solace-seekers]

screaming into the void <3

[bloopf1sh]

haha. hahaahahaha. i want to cry.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

i think ppl can and should project onto fictional characters. that's kind of what they're for a lot of the time. even if in the story they dont have the exact same experiences the audience can still find similarities with them and it's empowering to headcanon that, because of these similarities, the character has a similar identity to you. a lot of writers purposely give their characters experiences similar to marginalized groups to make those groups feel seen.

that being said, if you project your own experiences onto your blorbos you HAVE to be able to tell when the story is purposely making the character a metaphor for your experiences and when the story is. not doing that. just because you personally relate to a character doesn't mean the character literally is your marginalized identity. and it definitely doesn't mean that the writers hate your marginalized identity, specifically, if they don't do what you want them to do with that character.

[the-acid-pear]

The thing about the painter analog that people don't get and makes them hate it is that at heart this isn't a serious horror story. This is pure gore not only for the sake of gore but for the sake of camp. Once I was talking of to my dad laughing at the guy who had his face sanded off and he was like yeah not new they did that in Jason already 🙄 which was later reinforced by UrbanSpook admitting this is inspired by those old 80s slasher which should tell you everything.

I'm saying this bc i saw a video pairing it with Playground and the incest game and while I don't know the second I watched a video on playground once and the difference is that that book is trying to tell a story and say something on top of the gore but the later makes it hard to care. Which is kind of the issue another "gone too far" piece of media my beloved A Serbian Film runs into where you cannot take yourself too seriously if you also want to show over the top violence or you'll lose the audience.

OF COURSE there are exceptions like Hostel, Saw and 😏 the human centipede ☺️ (cocksucker for that movie and it's more serious points, though it barely counts bc the gore is very tame save for in 2) and I couldn't exactly tell you what's the difference between what makes them work and what doesn't but still.

But I'm getting off topic I'm not here to say which media is good or not I'm here to point out the painter is not a serious story that asks you to care for the characters it's a over the top schlocky gore that asks you to go GROOOOSS or laugh at the over the top brutality it presents. Which is very standard in horror.