#any time i talk positively abt something in my life or something im proud of myself for

[mercymornsimpathizer]

💥💥💥uh oh! complaining alert!! 💥💥💥

[halfhappyhooligan]

a voltron au? in 2020? it’s more likely than you think

look. LOOK. i know that voltron is stupid and we hate it but lets be honest: everything up until season 3 was pretty good and had lots of potential !!

today i was rewatching voltron and a thought struck me: what if, instead of shiro being cloned, he was chipped and turned to the side of the galra?

so here it is, i did not blink since i thought of this

(warning, i have not seen voltron in a while and this is just knowledge i have stored in my moss brain and stuff i know from rewatching the first season)

au where shiro goes evil bc of what happens @ end of season one instead of the clone thing bc 1) haggar rly could not have made thousands of shiros after bumping into team voltron like what twice? its hella improbable and 2) just… weird

so instead they insert a chip in him that helps them spy and control him just like kuron (the clone) did minus the unlikely storytelling

eventually after the convo with sendak when he was in the pod trying to temp shirp, he does have thoughts about helping zarkon

(“im already infiltrated with the arm, i could just speed up the process by leaving now. save the team the trouble of investing in a leader that’s doomed to fail from the strart.”)

shiro ends up leaving team voltron in season 2 after zarkon goes crazy w the black lion n stuff

^^ this adds to Keith’s reasoning of joining the Blade of Marmora (shiro is his main stability and one of the main reasons he even stuck around with team voltron, so with shiro gone and keith questioning his place as the leader and paladin of the black lion, he decides the BoM is just.. what’s best for him) 

obviously lance isn’t happy with this (“you just told me that i’m a valuable member, now you don’t think YOU are? what logic is that?”)

ofc keith goes anyways

lance becomes paladin of the black lion

allura takes on the red lion

who has blue lion? ...idk this isn’t that thought out (maybe matt after pidge finds her family) (which will happen earlier in the plot since we can forget about the miniplot of black no longer responding to shiro)

enter lotor only this time he has a sidekick and what omg its shiro wow

shiro has that bigger version of his arm that was once offered to him

he’s stronger and scary, but his eyes aren’t the same, he has the strength of a galra but lacks the passion 

in the fight between lotor and zarkon, (and after, of course lots of self doubt and questioning) shiro comes between them and convinces lotor NOT to kill zarkon

then zarkon kills lotor

everyones like oh shit bc surely someone who’s life was just spared wouldn’t kill the person who seems to have the most power

but he did. bc he’s zarkon. and he’s fckn crazy.

shiro doesn’t go back to team voltron bc its too much too easily

instead he takes the place of lotor in the group of gals 

he convinces them all to rebel against the galra

eventually they teach him all about quintessence and all the shit lotor had planned that they can’t do anymore

(lotor wasn’t harvesting alteans in this universe bc what the heck even was that subplot that had little to no relevance to the main storyline?

instead he was trying to find a way to technologically bring back alteans (kinda like how allure’s dad was originally preserved in s1)

i know nothing about How Stuff Works and i dont remember much about quintessence n shit but the basic idea is that when tying in some of a persons artifacts with technology stuff and some quintessence then boom. a weird route from astral projection land to the team is created and ppl can come back or smth idfk

but lotor was never able to get the comet so shiro decides he and the gals will get that comet and try to bring back as many alteans as they can

^ all this while infiltrating as many galra fleets as possible + saving planets under galra empire

they personally visit every planet that lotor was in charge of and release them from galra control

they are able to bring back an altean (its romelle) and she talks abt her friend who lives on the balmera and they go to the balmera and its revealed that it was shay’s great grandmother so romelle asks where shay is and shay’s family is like with team voltron of course

so

they take her

obviously team voltron, the BoM and the Rebels r very hesitant to make contact but they decide to try it out

keith refuses to meet, instead he’s on the team that stands guard

reunions !! 

romelle and shay hit it off and hunk makes a dinner much like roselle’s past (allura and coran also hang out and they all vibe)

lance talks to shiro abt everything to do with keith and shiro is like dude do u??? like him?

and lance is like what? no ofc not—oh shit.

and keith ✨overhears ✨

pidge matt and shiro catch up n shit

meanwhile keith is like Hey Lance Uhhhhhh What The Fuck

they end up being like hey since we’re all here and we hate zarkon what if we make a plan to end the galra’s reign Right Now

so they do

and y’all.. it’s hella baller plan

except something is going wrong and in the middle of an attack zarkon is able to get the upper hand 

due to haggar’s magic and lance’s mental and emotional instability, zarkon is able to get in his head

everyone is trying to talk him down but they’re all under a lot of pressure

allura is also conflicted bc she wanted to be black lion bc she wanted to rub it in to zarkon’s face that she was stronger than he and that she could beat him at his own game

but the negativity and instability feeds into zarkon’s power and makes him and haggar stronger as they pull in voltron to finally take over the team and regain their status as the most powerful alien race

hunk realizes this and is like okay can y’all stop being negative? its clearly affecting them in a good way and it makes us an easier target

and pidge is like im literally a child pls i don’t wanna die i just got my family back it can’t end like this

shiro realizes what’s going on and he goes to save them

he uses all his energy, pulling in the positive memories (everything: first learning about space, becoming a teacher, meeting adam, meeting keith, first making team voltron, his friends and family--all of it) to push back zarkon and haggar’s powers and battle once more in the astral realm 

in defeating zarkon, shiro loses his life

afterwards keith enters the ship in a hurry and is like where the fuck is shiro where’s my brother what did you do what happened

and team voltron is like hey man.. we are so so sorry

and keith cries because the last thing he ever said to shiro was mean

lance feels like its all his fault since he was supposed to be a good leader

they talk about separately while hunk pidge and allura discuss

krolia is like keith we, ur family, are here for u

and axca is there and shes like um?? hey?? sry for trying to kill u bro

and he’s like i absolutely do not wanna talk i just lost my closest friend

they talk about it later

axca tells keith abt shiro finishing lotor’s work and abt bringing people back and well.. 

they use the methods to help keith visit shiro in the astral realm

shiro is like oh uh hey i was just having a drink w adam we r happy

and keith is like shiro u fuckhead why would u sacrifice urself

shiro sighs bc cmon keith you KNOW why “remember what i always said? we can’t focus on what went wrong..”

“we’ve got to figure out how to make it right” keith finishes

keith breaks tf down crying and screams apologizing

“i love u shiro. ur a like a big brother to me.”

and shiro is like yeah i know and ilyt but hey. everyone’s safe and happy. im safe and happy. & you deserve to be too. you don’t need me anymore.

so the galra rule is over and everyone goes to their respected planets

romelle and the other alteans as well as some galra babes hang in earth

romelle and shay r in an apartment together and have a garden

allura realizes she may not have been the strongest leader for voltron, and  couldn’t stop zarkon on her own but that physical strength doesn’t define her as a whole

her heart is strong enough to care for everyone, so thats what she does

allura starts running an inn for alteans filled with painted sceneries like altea in case anyone ever needs a reminder of home

when lance reunites with his family its a real tearjerker

rachel finally gets her jacket back and veronica is like So.. Axca 👀

the McClain’s host a huge party for everyone and it’s filled with lots of hugs and loud music and even tho lance was way too tired, he danced all night

he wouldn’t trade his family for the world—genetic and chosen

when hunk reunites with his parents they don’t let him out the house for hours, he tells them all about his new best friend shay as well as hundreds of his favorites stories from space

they are so, so proud of him

hunk spends the next days playing minecraft and animal crossing with pidge, giving their brains a rest from being on hyperdrive for 3 yrs straight

when pidge gets home she finally gets grounded by her mom, only being allowed to leave the house to see her old teammates

(same for matt and her dad)

(her mother cries so hard when they opened the door to the home)

the holt family holds movie nights filled with popcorn, cuddles, and tears

keith moves in with the holt family, and finally accepts that he has a home as well as a family

he often goes on trips with the BoM but mostly just stays on earth

after a Team Voltron sleepover in the altea inn keith and lance decide to get an apartment together and live their lives in love and in peace

everyone gets together once a year in celebration of shiro and the sacrifice he made for them

they use the ship to visit Astral Shiro and once they even met adam

everyone laughs and catches up and just... live their lives

everyone is happy

pls ignore any and all errors lmao

again, just a thought !! maybe i’ll write a fic abt it idk for sure but yeah

feel free to add anything <3

[flimflamfranky]

One Piece Film Z but Franky is brought back 12 years and the angst that ensues when he's suddenly human again, and has to deal with years of transformations all at once. Just an idea.

oh nonny, i have daydreamed about this idea ever since i saw that movie and i just love it so much franky is just such an interesting character to de-age because he’s changed so dramatically in his life. and there are so many complicated feelings tied up in his transformation, both positive and negative, and undoing that would potentially unleash all of them in a messy way.   like, before he turns himself into a cyborg, he calls his body “useless”, in regards to not being strong enough to stop the sea train. there’s a whole mess regarding ‘being weak’ right there. and franky obviously prefers and is proud of his new body and strength. so, to take that away would be devastating, and send franky into a spiral of depression, guilt and self-loathing.   and it might make franky fall back onto some of his old coping mechanisms - anger, repression, destruction - to compensate for that. especially destruction - i can see franky using his inventions to make up for being so weak, but overshooting into something he can’t handle or control. and i’d imaging that adjusting to his old body again would be hard. i mean, he’s not only shorter and weaker, but he’s no longer invulnerable. so, pain is suddenly something he has to deal with again, and something he’s very much not used to anymore. and that applies to all sensations - he would feel everything more, since his nerves are no loner dulled by his metal skin. i already headcanon that franky has sensory issues, and this would make those 100x worse. hello, sensory overload and all the problems that come with that. and! the crew’s reactions!! this is very much a franky they do not know. like, they’ve only known franky as a cyborg, and by the time he actually joined them, he already had dealt and moved on from a lot of  these issues. he’s still franky, just different, and i’d imagine they’d have some trouble adjusting to that. plus, the crew does not like seeing each other in pain, especially when there’s nothing they can immediately do about it. everyone’s be a little more stressed, and there would be more pressure to fix the situation as quickly as possible.   of course, it wouldn’t be all doom and gloom - there’s a lot of jokes you could make too. like, on my first read through, i consistently thought franky was younger than he actually was, at every stage, and i know that’s something others thought as well. so like zoro or sanji goes, “hah im older than you now”, and franky’s like “im 24” and everyone’s like “WHAT??” OR franky constantly trying to do things with his cybernetics only for nothing to happen, and there’s just an awkward silence for a moment. or like franky’s been a cyborg for so long that he just forgot about all the things that humans need to do, and now he has to relearn all of that and he’s gonna complain about it the whole time. and im sure there are things that franky missed about having a human body, and now he can experience them again! like, touch would be a big thing. as i mentioned before, i’ve always thought that franky’s sense of touch would be dulled by his cybernetics. and now he can touch things, and actually feel thing fully. and he’s never experience that with any of his crew before, so there would be so much hand-holding and hugs. and franky just marvels at how different each of them feel and how much he loves them all 🥺 OR! you can make it even more angst-y!! because how ain‘s fruit affects inorganic material is not consistent. like, she can affect it, but when she first ‘returned’ the straw hats, their clothing wasn’t effected at all. so you could have her powers effect franky’s metal parts so they just go away when his de-ages, or...you could have them not. and suddenly having a bunch of new body parts trying to replace a bunch of metal seems like not a good combo. that has the potential of getting real gore-y real quick, and also lethal, but there is wiggle room with it. i mean, franky survived getting hit by a train, and performing surgery on himself on a grimey boat, and they have chopper, so actual death seems unlikely. but near-death is certainly a possibility, and makes everything way more painful (and more pain means more of that good ol’ hurt/comfort)

but yeah, this is something i’ve thought about...a lot. it’s one of those ideas that i want to write a fanfic of, but i have so many of those, and i am not a fast writer by any means so. i’ll probably never get to it, but i enjoy thinking abt it and talking abt it!

@nvzblgrrl also made a post abt this which includes brook and zoro and you should all go read it :0

[luobingmeis]

That Taliesin quote really gets at why Molly means so much to me as a character. He’s very much all the things I am not. I’ve struggled my whole life being weighed down by feelings of shame - from my gender and sexuality, my neurodivergencies and trauma, or just my feelings and interests and desires. For most of my life I’ve felt broken. But then you have Molly, who’s outspoken and proud and bright and a bit of an ass but still compassionate and kind. (1/2?)

Molly never needed to be fixed. That being said, and a lot of this is me projecting, but I still see him as needing to acknowledge his trauma in order to heal (as two years isn’t really any time at all to process that). So I don’t really see Molly’s confidence as him being a static character at all. And having a character go “Im allowed to be honest about painful past while still being confident in who I am now” would’ve just been *chefs kiss* but you know. (2/3)

Sorry for rambling, your posts really hit me in my Molly feels. I’m not a good enough writer to write a fix it but Molly just means so much to me personally I just had to yell a little bit. (3/3)

i feel that, in a way. not exactly, bc i dont want to downplan what you’ve been through, but molly’s very “shamelessly himself” attitude is something that i really admired and, as i saw him more and more, it’s what drew me to him. of course i also just loved him and i thought his character was amazing, but it was hearing taliesin talk abt him that really made it click like oh. like, as a 20yo, im filled with a lot of regrets and “what if’s” that i feel like i shouldn’t have but still burden me to this day, i always feel so stuck and keep thinking stuff like “well what if this was different” or “well what if i was different, what if i was stronger” and like........ the two quotes from taliesin that really stuck with me were “he was never a character who needed to be fixed, he was never a character who needed permission” and “make people deal with you, but make sure dealing with you is a positive experience” and like ngl those feel like quotes that are gonna saddle right up with balance quotes that have affected me

i think what also stuck with me is that, in the talks after ep26, tal kept referring to how molly is, like, early 20s, and that alone got me incredibly emotional last night bc, ngl, yesterday morning was rough for me? like after i had a cathartic cry i was all good, but yesterday morning i just kept saying to myself “im 20 and it feels like everything’s over and that i messed so much shit up and that this is just it” and like....... it’s not like molly made me realize “oh! hey! i actually dont have any regrets!” but he as a character really inspires me to try to not be so harsh on myself? and to let myself live without constantly questioning if what i’m doing is putting me on the right path? like....... yeah

and i get what you’re saying!! i dont entirely have an opinion, partially bc we have had different experiences but also bc molly being confident in the face of anything was something i really admired and strived for, but i def see what you’re saying

like...... im almost tempted to see if there are mollymauk compilations on youtube bc like............ i wanna see him again and i dont have the time to rewatch 26 episodes omg

and i apologize for rambling, too, i’m still in like a State right now

[cherrysunflowers]

angstier meme for made in the shade babes, pls !!

ur wish is my command loml

made in the shade babes 

• who is more likely to get injured doing small tasks?

v&l: i feel like ren would be?? bc homeboy is just constantly distracted and in his own thoughts that whoops next thing he knows, hes accidentally stabbed himself with a pen or smth. oR val distracts him and he cant focus and bam hes just stabbed himself. whoops.

e&d: literally eLLiE IS SO PRONE TO INJURY I STG. like, she’s the most graceful lil woman on screen but when it comes to her day to day life, bitch trips over her own two feet constantly, and she's always got a constellation of bruises on her body, or band-aids because she's just so !!! mindless!!

• who worries more about the other? 

v&l: definitely ren. he’s already lost one love of his life, he doesn’t wanna lose the other. and homeboy knows that being a detective comes with a tendency to make a lot of enemies. he knows there’s loads of people after him, and if something were to ever happen to val, he would never forgive himself.

e&d: definitely correct me if im wrong, but I feel like donovan is the worrier in the relationship. like, ellie’s pretty naive for her age, and she hasn't ever really had hardships, other than the internal ones. she’s never been in danger before. he has. and on top of that, she doesn't take care of herself, which is something he knows. so its just double the worry.

• who is more afraid about the other leaving them?

v&l: reN REN REN REN LITERALLY HIS WIFE WAS MURDERED HES SO WORRIED VAL WILL LEAVE HIM !!!! like he honestly doesn’t feel worthy enough to be around a woman like her, and he especially doesn’t feel worthy enough to get a second chance at love like this. sometimes he thinks its too good to be true, honestly. and there are definitely times where he thinks that val is still with him out of pity. 

e&d: this actually took me a long time to think about?? but in the end, I feel like el would be. she's so insecure about everything about herself, so she’d constantly feel like she’s never good enough for don, and would worry that he would leave her for someone prettier, skinnier, just all around better. ://

• who is more likely to leave ( for any reason )

v&l: okay liSTEN. there’s a part of me that feels like val would, because ren is so stuck in the past, missing his wife and constantly scared that hes technically cheating on her with val. BUT that could also be the reason why HE would leave. that, and he doesn't wanna bother val. iTS LITERALLY JUST !!!!! IT COULD GO EITHER WAY MAN

e&d: I honestly feel like don would leave in order to protect ellie from his whole past kinda thing?? especially when this killer is out and about, he’d definitely try to leave her in order to protect her from that, too. 

• who is more likely to drunkenly confess?

v&l: ok but ??? both of them ??? they literally both drink heavily??? but I can see val doing that more than ren. just like, him taking her home after a night of drinking and her just telling him that while she's hanging onto him and stumbling around in her dress and heels iM DEAD

e&d: again, I feel like that would be more of a don thing to do. I don't even think ellie’s 21 yet?? I have to check but like !! I definitely feel like he’d confess this way after like a rough day on set or something?? and she's just over it all and wants to go home n shit and AGH

• who is more likely to push the other away ( for any reason )

v&l: ren, once again. my avoidant little shit of a son. he doesn’t want val getting all wrapped up in his line of work. in his bullshit. in his emotions. past. you name it, he honestly just wouldn’t wanna waste her time with any of it. 

e&d: I feel like don would?? hes the colder one of the two, and I feel like he’d think that she could do so much better?? iDK I JUST GET THE FEELING IrjNZKF

• who picks fights more often? 

v&l: i genuinely am not sure of this one. I think ren would honestly be too busy trying to keep val around to pick any sort of fight with her? again, correct me if im wrong, but I feel like val would? like, if he’s working late at the office, not giving her as much attention bc hes getting wrapped up in a case, she’d definitely be a lil petty abt it yknow

e&d: okay as much as I don't wanna say this, I think ellie would. especially on her days where she's feeling more irritable bc of her anxiety n shit. like, she’d just take out all of her insecurities on don and would realize it once they're neck deep and would just ://

• who usually apologizes first? 

v&l: oof, this one’s hard. ren isn’t secure enough in his masculinity for him to be able to apologize first, while val is too proud to do so, too ( CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG ). I feel like it would take them awhile for one to crack, but I feel like ren would eventually break and begrudgingly apologize lmAOOOO

e&d: ellie omg, its like second nature to her. growing up with a mother who would’ve been a clinically diagnosed narcissist, she would’ve been too scared to upset anyone or have anyone not like her, so she definitely apologizes for the smallest of things, and would especially apologize a million times after a fight. 

• who is more likely to withhold feelings from the other? 

v&l: ren always :) need I fucking say more :) 

e&d: I feel like that would be an ellie thing to do, since she wouldn't wanna bother don with it all? like she wouldn't wanna burden him with her sad lamenting about her insecurities, or anything like that.

• who is more likely to lash out at the other? 

v&l: rennie. especially when he gets stressed out about work, and val picks a fight?? oof, he just wouldn’t be able to hold it together, and he would just end up losing it and probably saying something that he'd regret the second after it’s left his lips. 

e&d: why do I feel like it would be el, once again? like, she wouldn’t mean it whatsoever, but I can see her losing her shit on him, especially on days where she feels like she's gained weight, and hes begging her to eat. 

• who gets more jealous?

v&l: okay buT THIS ONE’S VAL’S OMG she would most DEFINITELY get jealous whenever ren is talking to other women, I stg she would intimidate those bitches to go away, even if they're literally witnesses that he’s interviewing lmAO 

e&d: ok don takes this one I don't even gotta explain it u already know bitch

• who is more likely to support the other in a relationship with someone else “as long as they’re happy :)”?

v&l: ren omg, he wouldn't blame val for wanting to move on. yeah, he'd be super sad about it and pissed off, but he'd be sad and pissed off at himself for not having been able to make it work with her. and he would be absolutely positive that whoever val ends up with would be better for her, too. 

e&d: donny. I can see him congratulating el for finding someone new, even though he'd be dying inside. brb while I go sob :)

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

I think/heard theres discourse of what mido's hero name should be. People saying dekiru because it's more positive etc. I honestly dont get it. He chose deku, from what I make out/interpret it as, to prove to Bakugou that Izuku's past and quirklessness is something he can be proud of and look back on how much hes grown from being bullied by katsudon headass, to being able to somewhat talk to him normally (manga spoiler ig) IZUKU chose deku and people are ignoring his OWN voice like in MIDDLE SC-

hhh it's just I'm so mad people ignoring what izuku actually chose like they legit KNOW what he wants. If he wanted dekiru he wouldve chosen fuckin dekiru but he chose deku and it sounds a lot like 'deck you' so in all honest AHNSJAAA A A ANA SNDJ why must they ignore my boy!! ((Again I dont know if this is actual discourse but I istg I saw this))

-----------

oh yeah no sadly the discourse is real its a whole thing im so exhausted

its really not that deep i dont understand why people r throwing such fits abt it in all honesty. like i get it on some level? i get being concerned that someone would stick a nickname their bully gave them onto themselves but like u said this is what midoriya chose do to and it wasnt to disrespect himself (quite the contrary actually)

his first friends changed the meaning of it for him. uraraka tells him “it sounds like the japanese word for ‘you can do it!’” and that sentiment is exactly what embodies midoriya’s spirit. the meaning changed for him. he wants to remember that first genuine, supportive connection he got by rebranding what “deku” means to him

plus it’s like,,,idk how to phrase this properly but it’s letting bakugou win almost?? if you dont let him keep the name. when midoriya chose deku, a dynamic formed over whose meaning will stick w the name: bakugou’s or midoriya’s? and not trusting midoriya to make this decision for himself lets bakugou win

and i saw someone compare it to like,,oppressed ppl taking back slurs that were used against them to empower themselves? like how black ppl have taken back the n word and how lgbt ppl have taken back the q slur. and i agree; letting midoriya keep deku now that he wants it is empowering. he gets to chose for the first time in his life how others see him and he wants this

but idk again i can see why ppl are concerned but its really,,it’s not the deep i dont think discourse should exist on the topic at all djkdjkf. if ppl wanna hc mido as having dekiru or w/e as his hero name that’s fine and no one should knock them but canon in this regard shouldnt be knocked either it’s just,,it’s just not that DEEP

idk man im tired and i hate this discourse this is all im gonna say on it. i dont wanna get into any beef pls dont send me any more messages or rb this trying to start an argument im so tired

[hcrcwitz]

     hello friends! my name is moose (she/her, 21, cst) and i yam JAZZED. i feel like i haven’t been in a group in forever but i couldn’t not join this one? idK. anyway. im a messy bih who likes bugs and poutine & that’s abt it. this is intro 1/3 and im prayin im not here writing them all night bc u know i only got 2 brain cells left!!! buT please, if u want to plot HMU or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u! lmk if u prefer discord bc i can give u that instead!

❝   jameela jamil.  cisfemale.  she/her.   ❞   ━    𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨  welcomes  inaya kaur  with  open  arms.  the  thirty-three  year  old  makeup artist / beauty guru has  been  living  here  for  seven years,  give  or  take.  on  a  good  day,  they  seem  the  sanguine  &  intuitive  type,  but  their  contradictory  &  self-sacrificing  tendencies  shine  through  when  there  are  no  taxis  into  the  city.

tw: suicide attempt & abortion !!

starting w her background

she’s a first generation american born in manhattan. her mum is from pakistan & her dad is from india & they both attended columbia where they met and fell in love awww how cute we luv some heteros. her mum was studying accounting and her father architecture. they married right after graduation and found a place in manhattan to start their family!!

they had a lot of trouble getting pregnant but eventually they were blessed with a set of beautiful twins !!! dimah was born and then seven minutes later, inaya came too.

although the twins always got along v well, inaya kind of felt like the black sheep. she was never as smart as her sister. she was never as popular as her sister. she tried so hard to be liked and even though her & dimah were best friends, people always seemed to like inaya less.

because they were twins, they were being compared constantly. it was always “why cant you be like dimah? dimah does this dimah does that. dimah has good friends” blah blah blah. it was frustrating bc inaya tried so hard and.........she got nothing. it was impossible for her to form her own identity when she had a sister who looked just like her. 

it went on like this and eventually inaya got used to it and just....did her own thing. she figured she would never be as good as her sister so there was no use in trying to make her parents proud so she just stopped trying and tried to do what made her happy. it didn’t really work. in fact, it only made things worse.

she felt defeated. like nothing she could do would ever be good enough for them. she had friends that loved and supported her but her the disappointment from her parents’ weighed heavily on her heart and her self esteem.

suicide attempt tw !! she was only sixteen years old when she attempted to end her own life. she was found by her best friend who rushed her to the hospital where her life was saved.

after that her parents kind of realized how their words and actions affected her. (a little too late but still) and things started to get better. they were angry with her at first but hearing her explain how she felt and how they made her feel things started to click into place. she was a good kid, really. she never did anything wrong. she hung out with some questionable people but her parents started to recognize that she was just doing her best.

things were pretty ok for the next few years. not good, but ok.

and then, when she was nineteen, she noticed her period was late. it was VERY late. she took an at-home pregnancy test and it came out positive and she was absolutely TERRIFIED. her parents eventually found the test and absolutely lost their minds. they were okay with her hanging out with shady people and not getting perfect grades but the unwanted pregnancy was the final straw, it seemed.

and just like that, she was kicked out of her own house with no where to live. she ended up moving in with her best friend while she worked odd jobs to save up some money.

abortion tw !! with no money and no help to raise a child that she didn’t exactly want, inaya ended up getting her pregnancy terminated. it was the hardest decision she’d ever had to make and the choice still weighs heavy on her soul though she doesn’t regret it.

she & her best friend decided in their mid-20s that it was time for a change of scenery and that’s how she found herself in lakeview.

ever since, she’s been working as a freelance makeup artist while also being an active member of the beauty community on youtube. though her job is somewhat unconventional, it makes her really happy and she feels very successful by doing what she loves and making pretty decent money for it. she hopes to start her own makeup brand pretty soon that is.....her ultimate dream

ok that got longer than i wanted but here is more abt her personality

she is......an absolute angel. the sweetest woman u may ever meet

the opinions of others are very important to her so she is always working double time to impress people even tho.......it ultimately just makes her unhappy

she’s way better off since she’s sort of lost contact with her parents but she still.......has that uncontrollable urge to please people no matter what

puts everyone else before herself

she’s very sensitive and very emotional. she takes almost everything super personally

just wants people to like her

100000000% the mom friend. will always be texting u to make sure you’ve eaten and whatnot. will over to make u dinner if u havent. makes sure ur drinking water if you’re drinking alcohol and will wake up at 3am to drive you home if she has to

just wants everyone to be safe and happy

wears her heart on her sleeve but doesnt want people to see her sad?? also.....she does’t follow any of her own advice like a whacko.

she puts her entire heart and soul into everything she does

doesn’t stop talking tbh. she just.......doesn’t know how to shut up rly

just wants ppl to like her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

some extra tidbits !!

loves to bake

LOVES doing her friend’s makeup and honestly.......will give u a little makeover for free just because

halloween is her absolute fave holiday the bitch goes WILD her costumes are always over the top

loves horror movies

puts a lot of effort into her appearance. always wearing something flattering w her hair and makeup done. dressed to the nines at all times basically

tall af but always wearing heels anyway bc she is............powerful

wanted to be a ballet dancer but she was told she was too tall so she quit

loves wine

falls in love 12 times a day tbh

my bi queen

she has a pet bunny named clover

there is she folks, sry it’s a lot. but pls...still love me :’)

[mlmdarkfiction]

What characters do you write for that WOULD kill their partners?

I know you wanted an overall of all the fandoms on this blog, but like that a lot of work. if you want a specific fandom lemme know and I’ll do it! But for now I’m doing my ocs other yandere blogs get to talk abt their ocs and im jealous on main. I’m only doing the ones that are canon yandere/have yandere tendencies

uhhh please lemme know if you like this/are interested in me writing more for my ocs at some pointTag List: @datenightfright @sunshine-and-murderxbears

TW: Death, Violence, Necrophilia (In the Mimi fic only), suicidal ideation (Judas fic), 

Read Bellow:

Mimi: 

“Goodmorning babe.” 

She lifts the skull to her lips first thing, not even yet out of bed. It’s a kiss, genuine in it’s endeavor. You may be dead, but she’d keep your body parts. After all, she’d killed you to keep you with her. If you’d thought she was just going to let you, then you obviously knew nothing about her. 

It had been planned. She told you that she understood, that you didn’t love her anymore and she could accept that. But the minute you had turned to leave she had smashed her bat into the back of your head. 

It shattered the back of your skull. 

The death was quicker than she had expected. It also absolutely...lit something up inside of her. She’s not crazy, not by her own standards at least, but...something about smashing your skull watching the blood splatter against her favorite practice bat totally turned her on. 

In the moment she wasn’t proud of it. There’s absolutely something...not right about grinding your needy cunt against your dead partners face as their body cools, but she’s never come harder. 

“I have class,” She speaks to your skull, setting it down gently on her bedside table. Mimi is fully aware that you can’t speak back, she’s not crazy, but she likes to believe you’re there, watching her still. 

“But then I’ll come back and give you all the attention you missed out on while I was away, okay?”

Garma:

He’s not mad. He’s not. He’s not!

Why can’t you just love him back? 

“G-Garma?” Your voice comes out as nothing more than a frightened whimper. You could tell he was upset. You could always tell. Whether his face was blank of any emotion or not, his other worldly powers made how he was feeling obvious. Several times already you’d been forced to duck past as a chair or plate went flying across the room.

Living with Garma taught you why poltergeist hauntings were so feared.

It’s your voice that draws him out of it. All the previously floating items crash to the ground. “Baby! Baby. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.” 

His hands press to your face, cupping it, and tilting it up until he presses his forehead against you. He’s cold to the touch. 

“Garma?...”

“Are you afraid of me?”

A chill runs down your spine.

His nails dig into your arms. “Are you?”“You’re hurting me...”Things are flying again suddenly. The last thing you remember seeing is a dark look in Garma’s eyes before something hits you hard. 

Judas:

“Judas-Put the gun down.”

It’s not uncommon that he gets like this, especially when drunk. An insecure man with access to guns and law enforcement. 

He wasn’t horrible, no. He may have kidnapped you, and forced you to stay with him, but...there was a lot of worse things that could have happened. Judas never forced himself onto you sexually, or even really at all. He understood that you were here against your will. All he’d said he wanted was to protect you. 

Although he seemed to be okay with your arrangement for the most part, him providing for you and keeping you trapped in his home, while you ignore his very existence, there were nights like this.

Nights when he’d come home shit faced drunk (How had he even made it home? He’s a cop does he really drink and drive?, shit faced and sad. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Judas is sobbing now, the pistol is pointed at himself, not at you. No, never at you. 

“I can’t keep you here, I shouldn’t have tried.”“Put the gun down.”

On the one hand your heart is leaping at his words. You want to leave, to go back to your normal life, but you don’t want Judas to kill himself. It maybe the stockholm syndrome speaking, but he’s not a bad person. He’s ill, incredibly mentally ill.

You don’t want him to die. You want him to get help. 

He’s ready to pull the trigger, you can see his resolve, and you act without thinking. You tackle him, your body crashing into his own, and clearly taking him by surprise. He’s bigger than you, and although you don’t actually knock him over, you surprise him enough that he drops the gun.

Neither of you were expecting it to go off.

Violet

Violet Antoinette is a monster. He may not have done anything directly to you, but you were so tired of his constant forced presence in your life. Practically every moment of your life he was there, either stalking you from the shadows, or actually speaking to you. Being so nice, acting so normal.

You’re so fucking tired of him.

No one understands. Everyone’s on his side!

 “Violet wouldn’t hurt a fly!” “Violet’s so nice!” “He must just really like you!”

You hate them all.

And there he is. The worst of all the enablers to Violet’s disgusting behavior, his older brother Blue.  He’s getting in his truck, no doubt on his way to see his little maggot of a brother, but you get to him first, taking him off guard. 

You slam him hard into the wall. 

“Take control of your little freak.” There’s a flash of recognition, followed by anger in the older Antoinette’s eyes. He stares you down unafraid of your hand around his throat. 

“I don’t want to see him following me anymore, I don’t want his gifts, or his phone calls. I want him to leave me alone.” Blue only responds by spitting in your face.

“You’re fucking disgusting!” 

It’s a scream, and you release him. He hits the ground hard, panting for breath as you wipe away the unwanted body fluid. 

But then all at once, Blue starts to laugh. You turn to him, confused, giving a hard kick to his ribs from your higher position. “What the fuck are you laughing at?”

Whatever answer Blue gives you don’t hear. You’re grabbed suddenly by the hair, face connecting with the concrete alley wall soon after. 

You’re already feeling dizzy, fighting to even stay conscious as you attempt to free yourself. Your attacker stops suddenly, flipping you around to face them. 

It’s Violet in the flesh. His mismatched eyes no longer holding and semblance of unhealthy puppy love they usually have in your presence, no they’re cold. His eyes are dead eyes.“Violet please-”

You beg through the blood filling your mouth, despite the ache in your skull. He doesn’t respond to your begging.

“I love you. You wouldn’t do this right? You love me too.”

“You love me?”

“Yes! Yes Violet, I love you.” 

You would say anything at this point for survival. Violet had never been violent with you before, never showed any signs of it, and now that you’re stuck at his mercy you’re realizing for the first time just how strong he is. 

“That sucks.”

“What-”

“Bro’s before hoes.”

There’s a knife. You hadn’t noticed it, but now you certainly did as it cuts through the air lodging itself in your neck. Violet’s laughing, it’s the only other sound as you gurgle and choke to death on your own blood. 

It doesn’t take long for you to bleed out. It’s almost as if Violet knew the right place to cut.

“Vi?...”

Blue stands to his full height, gently reaching out for his little brother. Violet’s still laughing, staring down at the corpse, occasionally removing the knife only to plunge it weakly into the flesh again. 

“Come on Vi,”

He reaches for the knife, taking it from Violet’s hand, and then all at once there’s a change. Violet looks to his brother with a sheepish smile.

“Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” Now that he’s lucid Violet’s the concerned one. Fretting over Blue like a worried mother. 

The mistake you made was treating Blue badly, you see, Violet doesn’t care if you’re mean to him, but he won’t allow anyone to hurt his brother.

[boojersey]

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like  .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful. 

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense​ is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright 

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

[starchained-blog]

whats  up  my  dudes  !!!   i  am  bee,  i’m  19  &  i  never  fuckin  learned  how  to  stop  using  this  exact  vine  reference  in  all  my  intro  posts  !!  i  will  be  playing  my  Babe  andromeda  black.  but  first  a  lil  bit  about  me  b4  i  start  2  ramble  about  andromeda:  i’m  always  a  slut  for  the  Aesthetic,  i’m  a  math  Nerd  aaaand  im  probably ??  way  too  in  love  w  fitzwilliam  darcy.  also  i  will  Always  want  to  plot  so  if  u  do  too  please  hmu  !!  nyways  u  can  find  out  more  abt  my  daughter  andromeda  under  the  cut  !!

- ̗̀✰ • 【  XU  JIAQI,  CISFEMALE,  SHE/HER  】 ❝  did  you  see  ANDROMEDA  BLACK  on  the  train  back  to  hogwarts  ?  they’re  a  PUREBLOOD  in  their  THIRD  year  as  a  TWENTY-year-old  SLYTHERIN.  apparently  they’re  the  RECUSANT  around  the  grounds;  most  likely  because  they  give  off  an  aura  of  rain  on  dark  windows,  the  heavy  sweetness  of  red  wine,  ink-stained  fingers,  a  tempest  barely  contained  within  a  girl.  of  all  the  social  media  platforms,  they’re  definitely  most  obsessed  with  their  INSTAGRAM;  probably  because  they’re  SELF-RELIANT,  but  also  INTROSPECTIVE.  however,  on  the  new  manifest  app  in  mr.  carlos’  english  class,  they’ve  already  managed  to  anonymously  steal  the  username:  NIMUE.  ❞ ┊ 「  bee,  19,  est,  she/her.  」

PINTEREST  !!

rec·u·sant  (  noun.  )   a  person  who  refuses  to  submit  to  an  authority  or  to  comply  with  a  regulation.

aka  just  a  fancy  way  of  saying  rebel  !

(  rain  on  dark  windowpanes,  the  heavy  sweetness  of  red  wine,  ink-stained  fingers,  greyish  purple  of  dawn,  cold  bones,  fastening  the  clasp  of  a  silver  necklace.  dark  curls  escaping  from  pins,  starched  white  shirts  under  wool  coats,  cold  coffee  dregs  and  burnt  out  matches  from  a  guilty  cigarette.  fog  over  the  scottish  moor,  the  soft  tick  of  a  grandfather  clock,  stars  peeking  through  an  overcast  sky,  the  stark  echo  of  a  single  violin.  the  pages  of  a  book  turning  in  a  library  past  midnight.  holy  places  long  since  abandoned,  the  simmering  wildness  of  a  bird  caged,  and  the  ancient  ache  for  freedom.  a  tempest  barely  contained  within  a  girl.  )

PRE-HOGWARTS  !!

andromeda  &  her  mother  have  what  u  can  call  a  strained  relationship.  from  her  moment  of  birth,  druella  saw  everything  andromeda  did  as  an  act  of  rebellion,  whether  it  was  a  childish  question  asked  in  the  wrong  place  at  the  wrong  time,  or  getting  so  absorbed  in  a  book  she  forgot  to  come  down  for  dinner,  or  a  bit  of  accidental  wandless  magic  born  out  of  a  moment  of  frustration.  every  day  was  a  trial  against  andromeda,  with  her  parents  acting  as  the  judge,  jury  and  executioner,  &  over  and  over  again  she  was  found  GUILTY.

andromeda  never  meant  to  defy  her  mother,  at  first,  but  no  matter  how  hard  she  tried  to  please  druella,  nothing  she  ever  did  was  quite  good  enough.  there  was  always  some  fault,  whether  it  was  a  lock  of  hair  tumbling  free  from  its  pin,  a  corset  come  unlaced,  posture  ruined  from  hunching  over  a  book.  her  wrists  were  too  bony,  her  lips  were  too  thin,  her  skin  too  easily  flushed. 

[  TW  ABUSE  ]   it  didn’t  escape  andromeda’s  notice  that  every  flaw  her  mother  criticized  was  one  druella  shared  as  well,  and  when  she  grew  older  she  realized  her  mother’s  dissatisfaction  with  andromeda  was  merely  a  product  of  her  own  dissatisfaction  with  herself.  but  that  didn’t  feed  her  the  nights  she  was  denied  dinner  for  her  ‘ misbehaviour ’.  it  didn’t  take  back  the  days  andromeda  went  unable  to  speak  thanks  to  a  punitive  silencio,  and  it  didn’t  grant  andromeda’s  wish  to  have  a  real  mother  who  loved  her.   [  END  TW  ]

did  druella  love  her  children  ? who  knows.  maybe  she  did,  in  her  own  twisted  way.  but   druella  was  first  and  foremost  a  business  woman,  and  her  main  trade  was  her  daughters.  andromeda  grew  up  listening  to  endless  warnings  that  her  mother  would  “ never  be  able  to  find  andromeda  a  husband  if  … ”  and  then  came  whichever  grievance  she’d  chosen  to  focus  on  that  day.

it  cannot  come  as  a  surprise  that  andromeda  learned  to  live  in  the  shadows,  away  from  her  mother’s  disapproving  glare;  that  she  learned  to  rely  on  herself  and  herself  only,  that  she  learned  to  watch  &  observe  &  test  the  waters,  to  think  before  acting.  (  of  course,  druella  did  not  approve  of  this  either,  and  informed  andromeda  that  no  man  would  want  a  girl  who  was  so  serious  all  the  time.  )

her  parents  often  dragged  her  and  her  sisters  to  various  pureblood  functions,  where  andromeda  stood  off  to  the  side  in  uncomfortably  starched  dresses,  disappearing  like  smoke  any  time  someone  looked  like  they  were  heading  over  to  strike  up  conversation.  she  would  explore  the  pureblood  manors,  all  silent  footsteps  &  watchful  eyes,  making  observations  on  how  the  wizarding  world’s  elite  lived  their  lives,  noting  separate  beds  in  the  master  bedrooms  &  half-empty  whiskey  bottles  in  the  washrooms.  it  seemed  like  everyone  was  only  looking  out  for  themselves  in  this  world,  trying  to  further  their  own  social  status  and  wealth.

at  home,  she  would  escape  to  the  roof  with  a  book,  whether  it  was  a  history  of  warlocks  or  the  kind  of  torrid  romance  novel  druella  pretended  she  didn’t  read,  dark  eyes  hardly  looking  up  as  the  sun  sank  lower  in  the  sky,  fingers  blackened  with  ink  by  the  time  she  closed  her  book  and  descended  into  the  house  to  face  her  mother’s  wrath  that  she  missed  her  piano  lessons.

is  it  strange  that  such  a  cynical  girl  could  have  such  a  yearning  for  beautiful  things  ?  or  would  that  merely  be  a  side  effect  of  cynicism,  to  long  for  something  to  thaw  a  hardened  heart  ?  andromeda  loved  beautiful  things,  perhaps  a  bit  too  much,  but  she  did  not  trust  them.  nothing  beautiful  was  made  to  last,  and  if  it  was,  it  wasn’t  truly  beautiful.  sunsets  faded  to  darkness,  books  ended,  lovers  grew  apart.  the  inherent  transience  of  beauty  made  andromeda  crave  it  all  the  more.  

HOGWARTS  !!

hogwarts  was  a  breath  of  fresh  air  for  andromeda,  the  chance  to  experience  life  outside  her  parents’  regime.  to  her  inquisitive,  probing  nature,  an  ancient,  magical  castle  full  of  history  &  secrets  was  paradise,  let  alone  all  the  classes  it  housed.  and  the  people  —  andromeda  had  never  seen  so  many  people  in  her  lifetime.  hundreds  &  hundreds  of  students  filled  the  castle,  all  with  their  own  thoughts  and  lives  and  desires.  an  introvert  by  nature,  she  didn’t  interact,  merely  observed.  she  made  best  friends  with  the  library  &  the  constellations,  sneaking  out  of  the  dorm  to  sit  with  her  legs  dangling  over  the  fifty-foot  drop  of  the  astronomy  tower,  eyes  finding  her  constellation,  andromeda,  and  wondering  if  her  fate  was  written  in  the  stars  too;  drunk  on  the  beauty  of  an  untamed  scottish  night.

the  unidentifiable  yearning  she’d  always  kept  tucked  inside  a  corner  of  her  heart  ballooned  until  she  could  hardly  stand  it.  it  was  a  yearning  to  be  something  more  than  the  perfect  pureblood  wife  her mother  was  trying  to  groom  her  to  be,  a  thirst  to  prove  herself  in  some  way  she  didn’t  even  understand  yet,  and  it  was  this  ambition  &  drive  that  got  her  sorted  into  slytherin.

if  druella  &  cygnus  had  thought  andromeda  was  unmanageable  before  hogwarts ,  when  she  wasn’t  even  trying  to  be,  she  was  downright  wild  when  she  returned  for  winter  break  in  first  year.  now  that  she  knew  life  could  be  better  than  what  she  was  currently  living  at  home,  she  buzzed  with  a  restless  energy  that  alarmed  her  parents.  andromeda  may  have  been  troublesome  before,  but  this  was  bordering  on  dangerous.  druella  made  the  decision  that  andromeda  would  not  be  returning  to  hogwarts.  [  ABUSE  TW  ]  this  sparked  one  of  the  worst  fights  they’d  ever  had,  and  culminated  in  a  rare  but  unforgiving  physical  beating.  [  END  TW  ]  

eventually  druella  conceded,  and  andromeda  was  allowed  to  return,  but  she  was  much  more  cautious  now.  she  only  made  friends  who  her  parents  would  approve  of,  she  kept  her  nose  clean,  and  at  home,  she  played  the  part  of  the  dutiful  daughter.  there  were  still  small  rebellions,  though  —  long  curls  cut  short  with  a  silver  flash  of  the  kitchen  scissors;  a  nicked  pack  of  her  father’s  cigarettes  smoked  cross-legged  on  the  roof,  coughing  into  her  fist  so  nobody  would  hear.  as  she  got  older,  she  paired  the  cigarettes  &  book  with  red  wine ,  the  finest  she  dared  steal  without  risk  of  being  caught.  this  was  her  escape,  her  small  patch  of  beauty  in  an  ugly  world.

andromeda  keeps  to  herself  at  hogwarts  as  much  as  she  can.  the  only  people  she  spent  time  with  were  those  her  parents  approved  of,  and  she  didn’t  like  most  of  them.  she  threw  herself  into  her  schoolwork  instead,  easily  landing  herself  a  spot  among  the  top  students.  

but  she  loves  hogwarts,  loves  it  with  all  her  heart,  as  so  many  abused  children  do  –  it’s  a  safe  haven,  a  place  where  she  can  at  least  pretend  she’s  free.  she  loves  learning  everything  that  she  can  (  in  fact,  she  was  very  nearly  sorted  into  ravenclaw  ).  her  favourite  place  to  be  is  the  astronomy  tower,  and  she  still  escapes  there  whenever  she’s  feeling  a  bit  too  claustrophobic.

she  was  chosen  to  be  a  slytherin  prefect  for  her  year  and  although  she  thought  she  wouldn’t  like  it,  she’s  grown  to  enjoy  the  position.  not  for  the  power  it  gives  her  over  her  fellow  students,  but  for  the  escape  it  brings.  she  can  associate  with  people  she  would  normally  never  talk  to,  and  roam  the  castle  freely  past  curfew.  and  andromeda  isn’t  a  naturally  nurturing  person,  but  she’s  found  that  she  enjoys  talking  to  and  helping  the  younger  years.  she  sees  their  wonder  at  hogwarts  in  their  eyes,  the  same  wonder  that  she  felt,  and  has  grown  quite  protective  over  quite  a  few  of  them.

she’s technically in slug club, due to her prowess in potions and her illustrious family name, although she hardly ever goes – she does not like slughorn at all, nor most of the people he’s selected to be in his little club. other than that, however, andromeda doesn’t make a habit of joining clubs or teams or anything that would involve her being forced to interact with people.

PERSONALITY  !!

those  who  don’t  know  andromeda  might  say  she’s  aloof,  proud,  detached,  all  flint  eyes  &  sharp  edges.  and  they  wouldn’t  be  wrong.  andromeda’s  habit  of  keeping  to  the  shadows  has  carried  on  into  her  hogwarts  years,  and  as  an  introvert,  her  solitary  nature  can  sometimes  come  off  as  downright  anti-social.  she’s  naturally  pensive,  and  her  pensive  face  just  so  happens  to  look  pissed  off.  

she  finds  it  hard  to  trust  people.  she’s  so  used  to  a  world  shaped  by  selfishness  that  she  rarely  meets  someone  she  doesn’t  suspect  of  having  ulterior  motives.  after  all ,  beautiful  people,  like  beautiful  things,  are  temporary.  everyone  turns  ugly  sooner  or  later;  everyone’s  claws  are  eventually  revealed. 

andromeda  carries  an  unmistakable  air  of  wealth  that,  although  entirely  unintentional,  can  rub  people  the  wrong  way.  she  has  a  taste  for  the  finer  things  in  life  —  an  aged  wine,  a  silken  scarf  —  and  sees  no  reason  why  she  shouldn’t  enjoy  them.  she’s  well  read  &  well  bred,  and  has  a  vocabulary  and  accent  that  can  seem  pretentious  to  some.

but  those  who  do  know  andromeda,  those  precious,  precious  few,  know  of  her  vivacity,  her  independent  streak,  her  love  of  learning,  her  dry  humour,  the  dimples  that  appear  with  every  mischievous  smile.  they  know  the  fire  she’s  kept  hidden  in  her  heart  for  so  long,  and  the  proud,  apathetic  mask  she  slips  on  so  easily  whenever  she’s  hurting.

MODERNISMS  !!

listen  as  much  as  i  love  the  idea  of  andromeda  in  a  modern  age,  it’s  mostly  just  bc  of  the  wealth  of  information  that’s  available  to  her  ?  like  staying  up  ages  watching  random  ass  videos  &  falling  into  a  black  hole  of  wikipedia  articles  &  having  12  languages  on  duolingo  and  a  streak  on  khan  academy.  fuckn  nerd  ass

but  social  media  ?  not  for  this  bitch  !!  i  really  have  Tried  to  get  her  to  use  social  media  so  i  can  do  fun  sc  threads  &  such  but  she  wont  listen  to  me  smh.  u  know  when  u  meet  someone  cute  &  you’re  trying  to  stalk  them  online  but  they  either  dont  have  any  social  media  or  it’s  just  like  an  empty  acct  with  no  posts  ?  shes  that  bitch.  she’ll  text  people  but  she  hates  the  like  ….  publicity  of  social  media.  doesnt  trust  fb  at  all  (  and  she  shouldnt  !!  zuck  shes  onto  u  )  and  probably  has  a  snapchat  someone  made  her  get  but  she  consistently  replies  like  3  days  late,  breaks  streaks,  has  a  snapscore  of  like  304.  what  a  mess.  shes  a  grandma.  understands  &  enjoys  memes  but  never  uses  them  or  references  them.  if  andromeda  black  references  a  meme  around  u  then  u  know  she  trusts  u  implicitly

she’s  wary  but  intrigued  by  this  new  english  class.  she  dreads  to  think  of  the  reaction  it’s  getting  from  pureblood  families  like  hers,  but  she  recognizes  this  for  what  it  is:  an  escape.  an  opportunity.  

she  chose  her  username  nimue  after  the  famed  lady  of  the  lake  from  the  stories  of  king  arthur  and  the  round  table.  she’d  loved  those  stories  as  a  child,  and  was  especially  drawn  to  the  mysterious  witch,  half-good  and  half-bad,  who  trapped  the  kingdom’s  most  powerful  wizard  inside  a  tree  to  gain  her  independence,  who  gifted  the  king  with  his  famed  sword,  who  was  there  when  the  great  golden  age  of  the  kingdom  rose  and  who  was  there  when  it  fell.

OTHER  !!

gender / sexuality:  cis  female / bisexual

birthday / zodiac:  jan  11 / capricorn

mbti:  intj

moral  alignment:  chaotic  neutral

temperament:  melancholic

patronus:  raven

amortentia:  dried  ink,  pine,  petrichor,  dark  chocolate

that  was  ???  ridic  long  so  bless  u  if  you  read  all  of  that  mess.  im  Too  Lazy  to  list  wanted  connections  rn,  maybe  i’ll  do  that  later  who  knows.  but  anyways  pls  plot  w  me  &  let  me  love  u  down

[ua-monoma]

[[ hi here’s a text convo me and dani were having during the iimono text convo woohoo feelings ]]

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:16 AM

iida's definition of alright is "im not completely hurting to the point where it is hard to do or think abt anything else"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:17 AM

THATS A BAD DEFINITION IIDA

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:17 AM

if he can do his duties without being hindered he's "alright"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:18 AM

like tbh monoma's big feels rn are like 

 1) i wanna communicate but it feels like iida doesnt actually communicate with me ever 

2) i wanna be honest but it feels like iida isnt being honest with me 

3) i've been opening up a lot which im! proud of!! i can face my emotions now! but iida isnt facing HIS emotions with me and i thought uHh being a couple means we do that together so i guess i'll go fuck myselfsdfskhdgbg

but ALSO from an outside perspective iida Does Communicate and Is Honest... way more than monoma perceives it but monoma sucks. at being able to identify it

A L S O he cant stand iida taking care of him so much sfhgbsfbhsg hes starting to feel rly coddled and he Does Not Like It

and thats largely just cuz hes so unstable and feels guilty about it now that hes more aware of it and wants to either just shut down and stop emoting around iida or, like, he wants to get to take care of iida if/when he ever breaks down cuz then it'll be Equals

kdfgdfhbdfgs i just had a hunch and it was right, monoma is actually older than iida sdfbjhgs

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:22 AM

WAIT HE IS

HES OLDER,

rickyLast Sunday at 4:27 AM

but yeah i think the other thing is that monoma wants stuff from iida but like has not been able to rly voice it (i feel like this is the first time he has ever talked like This Much about emotional bullshit) but also TBH he feels brushed aside every time iida gives him one of his lil speeches

cuz he doesnt respond very well to positivity and also will just latch onto the negative aspects

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:30 AM

WOW then u have iida whos just like "dude im not a fuckign mind reader tell me what u want"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:30 AM

WHICH I KNOW BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT.....

iida: communicate pls monoma: ok heres a big rambling post about stuff i feel iida: ok thats nice. can you communicate with me pls tho monoma: I JUST DID HSDFKGGBDFSG I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN I GUESS--

^ is how he feels

also hes scared of the Boyfriend Conversation

which i think i've told you before, hes scared cuz of the sex addiction thing but also,

ppl keep coercing him to sex and he doesnt wanna date iida and then be coerced into Officially Cheating,,, pseudo cheating isnt acceptable either but at least like,,, hes Technically not betraying him,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:36 AM

THE RAMBLING THING isnt clear to iida bc its like yes that is how he feels but he is not telling me What He Wants From Me

rickyLast Sunday at 4:37 AM

YEAH thats what i noticed today +_+!!!

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

its like monoma is offering his stance but not a solution or a compromise

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

monoma doesnt rly know that's what he's supposed to do hjbsjfsg

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

does iida have to spell it out

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

y es

like, the last thing iida said kind of made monoma be like

wait lemme look at it again

ok he said he wanted to know the reasons behind his actions and monoma was like,,,,wha--

cuz... 1) theres like never actually a reason and 2) he didnt know iida wanted that from him

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:40 AM

H

rickyLast Sunday at 4:40 AM

like monoma barely even recognizes half his actions cuz theyre all based on impulses and tbh if nobody pointed them out he'll just move on like nothing's happened

like he compartmentalizes,,, s o much,,,,,, and then represses it like instantly like TBH

like barely anyone talks about monoma's growing alcoholism so he just keeps doing that, and no one has had the chance to tell him to stop communicating with villains so he kept doing that too but like. Because it wasnt pointed out he barely has a problem with it and can function fine

everyone harps on him for the sex stuff tho so he's just like Drowning In Guilt

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:44 AM

is there literally-- any way iida can actually help him because, i just , wow

rickyLast Sunday at 4:44 AM

sfjgkdfg 

iida: here's a list of questions to communicate with, pls answer monoma: dissociates instantly 

whOH YEAH DEFINITELYi know that sounds all depressing sjhsdfghthe fix is honestly super easy tbh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:45 AM

HE ASKED TWO WHOLE QUESTIO-jvhcfdjsjcxsdjhds

god im glad there is indeed a fix

rickyLast Sunday at 4:45 AM

I WAS TYPING UP MORE META I HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET

monoma's problem is literally just that he doesnt have the vocabulary for, like, anything

what he wants is an open relationship but he doesnt know what that is and TO BE QUITE FRANK his only knowledge of one is fucking sen and kosei

so like, he's only hesitating so much cuz he doesnt know how to voice what he wants cuz Tbh monoma hates not sounding smart and being emotive means bumbling around like an idiot

he still feels brushed off tho,

iida bls be sad around him more

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:02 AM

IIDA DOESNT LIKE BEING SAD

its weird for him

he always like

how do i put this

he takes his sadness, pisses on it, and sets it on fire

rickyLast Sunday at 5:02 AM

oh God i just realized iida is doing the same thing the guy i was gay for did FUCKMeJFBJHFBGDG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

oh he pissed on his  sadness too? worm

rickyLast Sunday at 5:03 AM

he did the 'im alright is actually crashing and burning in super slow motion for months at a time' thing

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

iida is hollow more often than he is sad

1JDCKCDSNHSDSNDSCJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:05 AM

meanwhile i had the loudly has breakdowns and then gets upset about being taken care of despite him insisting because of his Fetish for taking care of people thing

me: glares at iidas Fetish

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:06 AM

ok this is more of a hc but

iida likes taking care of ppl bc his parents rarely took care of him uwus

o hes like

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

CRIES

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:07 AM

being the Dad and Mom he never had

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

see that Sucks cuz my hc is that monoma was raised to be as self sufficient as possible as Fast as possible which meant wow we aint got time for emotions fam just Put Them In A Box

oh is the box overflowing, put the BOX in a BIGGER BOX

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

emotionally stunted boys sure are great

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

i k r

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

only in theory tho,

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

LOL

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

irl i wouldve just

choked them

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

sobs angrily about iida

share your emotions biiiiiiitchhhh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

hits the back of monoma's head

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

hEY

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

just tell him what u want u stupid fuckJCDFJDSSD

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE HIS EMOTIONS HSFBGJHFGS HE SAID THAT!!!!AND IIDA WAS LIKE, NAH

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

IIDA ISNT RLLY THAT SURE OF HIS EMOTIONS EITHER THATS WHY!!!

HE THINKS HES THIS BUT HES ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE

rickyLast Sunday at 5:10 AM

THATS MONOMAS PROBLEM TOO YOU BUTT DFHBSDFGJGSG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

FUCK

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

OHMY

GODSTRANGLES THEM BOTH

IIMONO: FEELINGS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

w iida its more like. he knows deep down but he doesnt , think , its important enough , to be addressed

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

i i d a b l s

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

"as class rep i must be a leader before anything else!!!!!"

rickyLast Sunday at 5:12 AM

monoma is honestly like 'iida help this is the very first time in my life i have felt Guilt what am i supposed to do with this!!!!!!

iida: whats wrong monoma: IM SAD????  WHY DIDNT ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT A CONSEQUENCE WAS iida: ,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:14 AM

JXVCDJXCDSAHJSDSDJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:15 AM

and t b h he kind of is like, automatically expecting like... a Reward for getting this far but iida just kind of keeps being like 'okay cool. and what else'

and monoma is like HJSFBKHBFGS THAT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT B L S

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:28 AM

fuckcdncnddxjsn

rickyLast Sunday at 5:28 AM

,,,, in person or continue the text

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:29 AM

CCCCONTINUE...they rarely text god pls

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

TBH YEAH...

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:30 AM

iida has no Time for his phone he needs to read 30 chapters ahead so he doesnt fall behind!!!

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

monoma is Traumatized by all their other text convos so he doesnt--

im including the times when i post this btw because God Damn i love that its likefucking 5am over here

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:31 AM

GO TO BED?

rickyLast Sunday at 5:31 AM

this is 500% a 'im sad texting my bitchass pseudo bae about my feelings at fucking sunrise after they kept me up crying all night' conversation

whats a bed

[babiewonho]

thoughts on shownu nd wonho

[audio of calebcity’s anime villain laugh bass boosted plays] WOW….amira u truly want me dead askfjaskfj wow…Hyung Line…i’ll start with mister wonho bc that’s where my brain is takin me   Buckle up!! [this is 2k words when will i die]

my favorite fake maknae…mister babie..something i find very unique abt him is even tho he was supposed to be the leader   he also has a lot of youthful naive charm that matches more of a Follower type of personality. like while we saw him be a leader in no mercy, and he did an excellent job esp with gun being covered up for his lack of dancing skill, i think that is a very unnatural state of being for him, and he exerts an unfortunate amount of energy trying to lead others. he has the skills necessary but i think he overextends himself to employ them. his natural state of being is more of a follower in that that’s where he’s more comfortable. he stresses too much about keeping everybody happy at once and takes too much responsibility. he’s naturally a workaholic and sacrifices his health for the sake of work. 

so honestly i’m really glad he didnt end up being the leader and i’ll get more into leder shownu later :D but i take it as a blessing that he’s allowed to take more of a backseat and speak up when he wants to rather than always being in charge. tbh wonho is kinda Out Of It all the time and while i think if he was a leader he’d fight to stay in the moment i think he needs that time in his head to decompress. tbh it’s really funny that he cld have been the leader to me in no malicious way just bc he’s never There askfjasf like when minhyuk said he always needs to go looking for him bc he just wanders off and he’s getting coffee and he’s like what :D and he needs extra explanations and stuff all the time and minhyuk n the others need to direct him in what he’s doing all the time. 

that’s why i said the fake maknae thing bc in many ways he has a really youthful kind of innocence to him like just a silly child. like when ck took the glass away from him at the awards show so he wouldnt break it kasfjsa and then the bottle   like a big brother would do  and wonho was like :/ okay…and wiping his tears. we rly see a shift from him as a Hyung to someone who the others end up taking care of in a very natural way. there’s a big reverse dynamic there, in particular with him and changkyun. which is rly interesting! changkyun kind of steps up to be more mature in situations with him. it’s really cute…

when i think of wonho in the position of a hyung, i think it’s in a non traditional way. when i think of him i think of light blue and him being a Healer. he is a big reminder to stay in touch with your emotions and feel them. at the taiwan concert…i believe at least! that it was that one…when everyone was holding back their tears wonho was like just cry!! to hw in particular he said that there were a ton of people there to hug him and support him when he cried so he should just do it so he didn’t regret it later, and he has a very nurturing heart. he makes this one face…it’s like a mix of a pout n a sad smile?? when he pities another member…it’s a very gentle and empathic facial expression…i’m not used to seeing men make that face. 

so i think he DOES offer a form of guidance/wisdom as an older member but it’s not in a structural way if that makes sense like minhyuk saying “walk over here” or ordering them around it’s like a Healing presence..a calm spirit to offer Peace and Serenity. being in touch with his emotions i feel also creates an openness within the group where they feel better about expressing themselves, at the very least bc they cld use him as a scapegoat, which i dont think he’d mind. like wonho cried first!!!

part of his openness with his emotions is what makes him seem childish not in an unlikable way but rather…like he never got that Hard adult shell that makes people fear expressing themselves and their true thoughts. when he is happy he is brightly adorably happy he’s literally :DD just delighted and that brings out protective instincts in those who are around him which is another part of why he’s a fake maknae 2 me…he gets teased like everyone else but i dont think anybody cld have the heart 2 be mean to him his eyes are just too sparklie…also his LAUGH…is so loud and genuine and beautiful and it makes me feel such joy and it makes the others happy too  nothing is really funny to me until wonho laughs that’s like the official comedy stamp his :D smile n HAHAHAHA laugh  n his wheeze

he’s also really stubborn like a child which i find endearing but i know cld be frustrating sometimes but i find it funny askfjas he’s a baby…he asks for opinions n then doesnt care bc he already made his mind LMAO

he is also!! just so so full of LOVE. his heart is so big…he loves his family and monbebes and his members and he’s so transparent about it and it’s absolutely precious. he radiates love and puts a very beautiful calming blue energy into the world and everything about him is very gentle like body language wise. he speaks very softly even though he’s Loud sometimes the words come out soft if that makes sense. the way they are pronounced in spite of volume. he doesn’t spit out words and i think that’s kind of why he stutters so much they’re so soft n undefined they blend into each other. they need more shape…but he also holds things gently and doesn’t exert a lot of pressure in his fingertips. he’s very cautious and not aggressive and is not prone to anger, though he can get frustrated.

i really thank him for his honesty with fans abt how he’s feeling etc bc i think it creates a very nice friend like relationship. he rly cares abt keeping up updated and it’s so precious i feel genuinely cared for lmao…i literally take care of myself sometimes bc of his tweets like dont forget to eat etc and that’s so special

there’s more things i cant think of right now but u know…i cld happily do this forever but MISTER SHOWNU…ur time to shine (forever…)

NOW…shownu is the official leader which is also unique because nothing about shownu besides perhaps his powerful body commands Leadership our eyes are drawn to him because of this quiet power he exudes but he doesn’t have that dominant personality type in fact i find him a very passive person he’s not fussy at all and seems to value group harmony over his own personal feelings

i think sometimes being a leader is burdensome to him for the reason that he has more of a quiet let things happen personality but that’s what’s interesting. the members don’t respect him because he Commands their attention. they follow him instead rather bc they just respect him and Know he’s the leader. 

even though leadership doesn’t come naturally to him in the traditional sense and minhyuk often assists or does more tradition leader things and has to remind him to speak, he has a whole different form of leadership where he’s quiet but when he Does say something everyone just respects it and doesn’t question it. i feel ppl follow him out of respect and affection rather than anything like intimidation if that makes sense. they just look up to him and admire him and respect his wishes. 

he was a leader during no mercy and ppl followed him without question mostly. he’s really good at having a friendly personality but still making sure people focus during dance practice. ppl might think this form of passive leadership is bad but i think there’s no need for him to interject generally bc mx flows very well with their dynamic and doesn’t need to get adjusted much. he also imo has kihyun and minhyuk as co-leaders which happened naturally and not out of his inability to lead efficiently, so i think if he’s lacking in any way, they’re there to cover that up and i think this also helps remove stress from him.

shownu is also just so likable!! on running man they said when ppl dont talk much, strangely you want to pay more attention to them and i think that’s happened to shownu his whole life. people are watching him without knowing and then when he speaks they’re so pleasantly surprised because he’s so funny and most of it is said in such a flat way, like deadpan humor. he’s a comedy genius because what he says is so unexpected most of the time but also so powerful. if shownu said like…”legs” i’d pee myself laughing bc something abt him is so fucking funny and endearing and goofy and HIS laugh itself makes me laugh too like …he invented comedy lmfao he’s absolutely not boring that’s a misunderstanding of his personality  he definitely needs to get comfortable somewhere before his real personality is revealed but he’s gotten a lot better at that which is why he’s been advancing through variety and im so proud of him for that and impressed

also adding to him being so endearing the members just genuinely adore him and i think when he went to law of the jungle a taxi took him to the location and ck said to the cab driver “take care of him/drive safely” which is very sweet and just shows like the Depth of their affection for him. everything he does the members just find so cool and funny and endearing and he brings them a lot of happiness

he’s also such a good fit for the group because he’s so CHILL like minhyuk cld be gnawing jooheon’s leg off while wonho fights changkyun over a piece of shrimp and hyungwon is getting dusted by kihyun and shownu’s like :) i love my family and HE LOVES THEM SO MUCH LMAO like he genuinely adores his members and you can feel that too like not even just things like him giving up lines (hw in beautiful) or splitting his commercial earnings among his team which he didnt even want kh to say but he imagines himself doing things with them in the future like going on trips and he really sees them as his friends/family rather than coworkers and it’s so lovely and beautiful he’s just so goddamn fond of them lol

also hyung line with each OTHER is so precious bc wonho is rly like a little happy kid around shownu n shownu is so calm n chill and wonho is like :DD hello!!! n shownu pretends he doesnt care asjfsafj  it’s so funny wonho is just going around hoping for shownu’s love like he said in that fansign note n shownu ignores him n teases him asfkjasf it’s so cute when shownu teases it’s so funny it rly shows just how fond he is and shownu always laughs when wonho laughs and humors him?? and by humors him i mean wonho babbles a lot n makes little silly side comments and if shownu is within hearing distance he always tries to reply to those and he makes wonho giggle and it’s precious and he listens and shownu just really Understands the member’s personalities like when he said he likes when mh talks a lot etc he understands them and just doesn’t want them to change bc he loves the way they are like i kno that sounds fake deep but it’s true…

wonho is just so cute…n youthful around shownu i love the dynamic it’s amazing how similar they are in age like a year apart n yet wonho seems so young around him and shownu just teases him n theyve known each other for a long time n are so comfortable with each other n they work out together like…we love strong muscle men with hearts of gold …also this is just random but wonho pronounces “shownu” so cute n also i love hearing shownu say hoseokie like it’s just adorable shownu always calls the memebrs by their real names n fogets to say the stage ones like   who is even calling changkyun “I.M.” at this point   who is that….

[dreamerology]

my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

[incendavery]

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

:0

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you! 

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

HA 

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits. 

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️ 

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty! 

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu​ or @wheremyscalesslither​!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk​‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!!  ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!) 

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad! 

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player! 

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be! 

hell yeah!!!! 

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh??? 

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :> 

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away! 

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you! 

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t  a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing. 

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

[sneakattxck]

this is going under a cut bc its long but this is an info drop abt my dnd oc’s bc i have a lot and i love them all and want to talk abt them so if u have any questions abt them !!! JUST ASK !!!!! 

also i know it looks like im in a lot of campaigns but they never all run in one week ok its not as bad as it looks

included is info abt appearance/background/class/what has happened to them/personality and also a link to their pinterest board ALSO NONE OF THEM ARE STRAIGHT THEYRE ALL BI EXCEPT FOR KORIANNA WHO IS A LESBIAN

honestly,,,, feel free to ask me abt any of them

(also this will be updated in a few days bc,,, i have another to add)

velrissa anaidis (campaign runs every second/third wednesday)

tielfing (red skin, short black hair to abt her chin, black eyes, horns like a short version of a gazelle’s)

fiend pact warlock

sage background (specifically, she discovered an ancient language while researching fiends/demons/devils/the hell’s bc she wanted to learn how her family bloodline became infused with it to make her a tiefling and she’s one of a handful of people deciphering it)

chaotic neutral

oh yeah she almost died recently bc we went to a cursed place w/ vampires and we had to do a wisdom save against nightmares every night we slept and well she failed all five saving throws and u die at six so thank GOD we left

shes really really goddamn cocky, thinks she knows everything, rushes ahead a lot and is very stubborn.

PINTEREST BOARD

korianna koraki (campaign runs every second tuesday)

high elf - moon (has long black hair that goes to grey/silver, pale, golden eyes)

assassin rogue

criminal background (she was part of a thieves guild, having an affair with a married female leader of the guild and when they were almost exposed by a rookie she killed the rookie then long enough after to not cause suspicion she left)

chaotic neutral

she attuned to a dagger that she should NOT have attuned to bc it was found in the building of a cult to a god of betrayal but she attuned to it, got possessed and killed an ally and now has something linked to the god of betrayal stuck in her head bc they banished the dagger and didnt destroy it

shes really bad at thinking about consequences of her actions, she also has all her stats below 10 (except for dex/int/con) so she’s bad at most things that aren’t rogue related so she has a HUGE inferiority complex as a result

PINTEREST BOARD

eve kalosyn (campaign would run every second/third monday)

human (tanned skin, freckles, brown eyes, dark brown hair that she wears in space buns)

knowledge cleric

sage background (she learnt that the god the island she lived on wasnt actually a god, so she had to find enough proof to expose it)

lawful good

her father figure was the one she trusted with the info abt fake-god, and he encouraged her to look for proof. turns out he was in on it the whole time and ended up trying to sacrifice her to the demon posing as the islands god in a way to regain the demon’s favour, she has now left the island following the orders of the ACTUAL god she had been secretly following

she has such a good, pure heart and wants to help everyone but she has a logical, calculating mind and that makes it hard. she has never killed anything. she likes to put her emotions away when she does her work or has hard decisions but she was unable to hurt her father figure despite what he did

PINTEREST BOARD

cineres anaflex (campaign starts on monday, will replace eve’s for a while)

half elf (long, ginger hair, green eyes, the ends of her hair always seem to be charred/burning)

phoenix origin sorcerer

folk hero background (her farming community was being attacked by griffons constantly and she accidentally summoned a lot of her magic to scare them away and now her community love her when it was literally an accident)

chaotic good

like the fire she spends so much time using, she can be unpredictable at times, very brash and strongheaded but also incredibly loyal

PINTEREST BOARD

fir’arrathel arkonita (her campaign is currently on hold)

high elf - moon (long, white hair, normally in a braid/plait, alabaster skin, blue eyes)

assassin rogue

noble background (her parents are advisors to the elven royal family)

chaotic good

she’s so so uncharismatic for someone who is set to inherit an advisor/diplomatic position, she was sent to another country to have a trial of the work she’d be doing before Shit Went Down

she’s awkward and anxious and also incredibly uptight and bratty and really really bad at talking to common folk, she doesn’t want to be bad she just never spent much time with them before, she wants nothing more than to make her parents proud

PINTEREST BOARD

ari’kithel arkonita (campaign will be starting soon)(YES SHE’S FIR’ARRATHELS SISTER)

high elf - moon (shorter white hair, sits around her shoulders if not pulled back to a small bun with bits to fall around and frame her face, alabaster skin, blue eyes)

gunslinger fighter

noble background (her parents are advisors to the elven royal family)

chaotic neutral

she is the eldest daughter, far better suited for the family job that she has now made her sister inherit because she prefers the life and perks of being a noble than actually doing the work that would come with it, instead she studied and created and invented and with the help of a friend they created guns

shes so goddamn flirty, more of a party-girl on the outside, spontaneous and always thinking of ways to improve and to change, her mind is always moving 100km/h but she works incredibly hard to make what she has but she just loves having fun. the problem child.

PINTEREST BOARD

[undeadpsycho13]

a cup of coffee to warm my icy heart

AHHHHHH GUYS LOOK IM SO SO SO SORRRRRRYYYYYY I SWEAR I HAD THIS FINISHED LAST FRIDAY I JUST FORGOT IM SORRRRYYYYY

i know this chapter is one week overdue, and i hope u guys can forgive me.  i swear i had it done ages ago, just forgot to post it. also, its more than twice the length of the first chapter, if that makes up for anything.

thank you to @puzzle-of-life-reason-for-death​ for the reminder, this chapter is for you!! :D

btw, some chinese swear words are involved, and the translations are at the bottom. if u dont like them, rlly sorry, i just thought it might be fun, cause you know, both baits and an speak chinese canon, and so do i, so why not?

tell me if u dont like it, i wont include them in the next chapter

otherwise, enjoy~~ ^_~

CHAPTER 2: JUST A TINY PART OF ME (FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU)

The second time was not so much of an accident, but oh well, not-accidents happen all the time, don’t they?

The annoying door ringing speaker thing once again announced Baitsakhan’s appearance at Endgame.  A very pissed Baitsakhan.  A very pissed Baitsakhan who had not had coffee in the last three days and was currently dying of lack of caffeine in his bloodstream.  Red Bull was a poor substitute; he needed freaking coffee.  The darker, the better.  The scene from last week flashed back in his face, and Baitsakhan cringed a little on the inside.  He was not willing to make a fool of himself again.

He had surprised both his sister and An by staying away from coffee for four days, and then couldn’t help but get some coffee from The Starbucks.  At least he had figured out the barista’s name.  Hilal Ibn Isa Al-Salt.  He was awful proud of his memory; who on earth had long-ass names like that?  For once, he was appreciative of his unique, surname-less name.

But the Al-Salt guy’s infuriating niceness had gotten the better of him, and he had once again scared Baitsakhan away with a honey-bee-pesticide-banning petition.  Who cares whether bees died?  Screw them.

The absence of a sufficient amount of caffeine, however, was not his only problem.  The Phone Guy (as baitsakhan had deemed him) had texted him back, albeit the dire-sounding warning, with a outrageous reply of, omg so sry got the wrong # D: rlly rlly sry :(.  And then, of all the emojis he could have typed, he chose the freaking <3.

Needless to say, Baitsakhan was pissed.  No one, no one the whole damn world, was allowed to send him a heart emoji (save Sarangerel and An’s incredibly sweet girlfriend Chiyoko, but that as different), and yet this complete stranger had taken it upon himself (or herself, he added as an afterthought) to send him one.  This was an outrage.  He would not dignify this text with an answer, he thought to himself.

So, naturally, he just had to go to that nice coffee shop to calm himself down.  Just had to.  And it had nothing to do with wanting to the hot barista.  Absolutely nothing.

Seating himself at the table closest to the window, he took out his phone, absent-mindedly scrolling through his playlist.  

An indefinite amount of time passes.  

And then, out of the blue, a hand suddenly tapped him shoulder, and, startled, he whipped around, teeth bared, hands out in front of him in an offensive position, ready to gouge the offenders eyeballs out ––

The cute barista (Maccabee, his mind supplied) is, apparently, said offender.

Great, there’s another person who thinks he’s a psychopathic weirdo (not that he isn’t, but still).

But instead of freaking out at his overreaction, the guy laughs.  Who even does that after a near-death experience? (Okay, maybe he’s exaggerating, but there’s no denying this guy was weird.)

“Chill dude, just here to take your order.”

Met with Baitsakhan’s blank look, the guy raises a perfectly arched eyebrow.

“Look, I love having you here, but if you don’t order something, like, right now, I’m going to have to kick you out, ’cause I just got this job and I really don’t want to lose it.  You know, you’ve been sitting here for like half an hour doing nothing.”

Holy hell, he’s been wasting thirty minutes doing nothing?!  Scrambling up (in a very dignified way, of course), he says, in a voice he hopes is impassive,

“Sure, I’ll have an espresso or something, like that thing you made last time.  If you don’t remember, I’ll just have the thing with the most caffeine.”

Maccabee (again, this is all his brain’s doing, there is no way Baitsakhan would consciously remember people’s names, even super hot guys) laughs at that, shaking his head.

“Of course I remember, who would be able to forget the order of the cutest guy we’ve had here since I started working?”

The blond is nice to enough not show any visible reaction to the way Baitsakhan’s face burns a deep red color at his comment, and instead smiles a bit lopsidedly and turns to go.  Suddenly he pauses, turns back to face the noirette, and before Baitsakhan can do anything the older teen quickly winks, so fast it was almost missed, and continues on towards the counter.

For the next five minutes, until Maccabee comes back with his drink, Baitsakhan just sits there, eyes wide, mouth gaping like a fish, shell-shocked.  Even then all he can do is close his mouth and nod his head politely.

A buzz from his phone catches his attention, finally rousing him from his stupor.  For a moment, he thinks that it’s the Phone Guy again, but when he see’s "Asian Hacker Lovebird”, he smiles to himself and swipes the screen sideways to reply.  Though he would never admit it, An crashing into his life nine years ago really made his life better a thousand-fold.  He remembered first arriving in North America, a bitter, parent-less seven year-old, small for his age but savage and aggressive, despite the language barrier.  Oh, he learned English in his due time, but back then, really all he could say were a few basic swear words that immediately earned him half a dozen enemies.  The one person he gravitated towards was a kid in the year above him, a Chinese boy who was all glares and rule-breaking and rebellious behaviour.  Looking at his slim frame and lanky form, people would be led to falsely believe that An was all bark and no bite.  

They couldn’t be more wrong.  

Professional in at least ten different types of martial arts and an expert at (illegal) poisons and (illegal) hacking, An was definitely a formidable opponent.  Baitsakhan’s type of guy.  They were the perfect pair, both cold and haughty at school and in public.  No one needed to know they played video games together well into the night and had weird movie marathons on a regular basis and smiled until their face’s hurt and laughed until they couldn’t breathe.

He was a good friend, cynical, with a dry sense of humor.

Right now, however, not so much.

asian hacker lovebird: where r u????

asian hacker lovebird: baits

asian hacker lovebird: answer me child

asian hacker lovebird: ANSWER ME CHILD

im-not-smol: Piss off.

asian hacker lovebird: THE CHILD IS HERE

im-not-smol: Don’t call me a child.

asian hacker lovebird: i repeat where r u

im-not-smol: A cafe.

asian hacker lovebird: specify

im-not-smol: Endgame Cafe.

asian hacker lovebird: U MEAN!!!

asian hacker lovebird: LIKE DA 1 W/ DA HOT BARISTA U RANT ABT 24/7??!!!!

asian hacker lovebird: OMG STAY RIGHT THERE DONT MOVE IMMA JOIN U

im-not-smol: Don’t you dare.

im-not-smol: 傻逼

asian hacker lovebird: oh no u did NOT just call me that

asian hacker lovebird: now i need 2 come 2 beat u up

asian hacker lovebird: it is a MUST

asian hacker lovebird: see ya in 2 min

im-not-smol: 王八蛋

asian hacker lovebird: SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP IMMA COME OVER RN 2 BEAT UP UR STUPID ASS

im-not-smol: You can try. ;)

asian hacker lovebird: challenge accepted ur goin DOWN boi

im-not-smol: We’ll see about that.

asian hacker lovebird: ur “impecable grammar” rlly pisses me off

asian hacker lovebird: *imppecable

asian hacker lovebird: ugh

asian hacker lovebird: smthn watevr i kant spel

im-not-smol: It’s not my fault you turned autocorrect off.

asian hacker lovebird: when will u eva learn 2 txt like a normal person???

asian hacker lovebird: 好落后

asian hacker lovebird: just sayin

im-not-smol: Shut up.

asian hacker lovebird: look up

Baitsakhan raised his head, only to be met with the sight of a very distorted face right next to his head.  And of course he didn’t scream Jesus Christ and shriek like a little girl, what are you talking about?

The weird twisted face outside morphed into a wicked grin and the doorbell rang once again as another customer entered, tears of mirth still apparent in his eyes.  This new comer looked quite out of the ordinary, tall and dressed in nothing but black and silver, a face that was all harsh angles and sharp corners and pale skin.  A contrasting red teardrop tattoo stood out, leaking out of his right eye, and his strange hair style earned him quite a few looks from the other customers.

“You’re so stupid.”

“Shut up, you will speak of this to no one, understand?”

Most people would quake with fear at the aggressive tone, but An just rolls his eyes,

“Normal people don’t speak like ancient three-hundred year-old vampires, Baits.”

He drops down on the chair opposing Baitsakhan’s, leaning back and crossing his legs, stretching them out in front of him, a picture of complete ease.

“So, where’s the hot shot?” An says in a mock-whisper tone.  Baitsakhan glares at him before subtly motioning towards the counter, where Maccabee is leaning against it, his phone one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.  For a moment, An just stares, a small smirk on his face (not that the smirk ever disappears), whistling appreciatively.  And then, out of the blue, he shouts, so loud that he attracts probably the attention of everyone else in the mile radius,

“Hey there, aren’t employees not supposed to serve themselves?”

Startled, Maccabee looks up.  He sees An’s triumphant expression and Baitsakhan’s kill-me-now-please-just-shoot-me-and-save-me-from-the-torture one, and kind of gathers what happened.  A lazy smile slips onto his face.  He walks over, leisurely, still holding the half-finished drink.

“You’re right.  But… ”  He pauses for effect, and in that short amount of time An actually gets around to rolling his eyes again.  The boy really gets a lot of practice.

“I’m off duty.  Ais over there took over for me.”

He gestures at a red-headed girl who has somehow managed to escape their notice until then.  For a moment, a strange look flits across Baitsakhan’s face, but as quickly as it got materialises, it disappears.

An shrugs.

“Oh.  Good for you.”  He says awkwardly.

There’s an uncomfortable silence, like the type when someone ought to say something but nobody does, before Baitsakhan finally interjects,

“Thanks for the coffee, but I think my friend and I should get going.” Here he pointedly glares at An, who stares innocently at the ceiling.  

“How much is it again?”

Maccabee shrugs,

“Don’t worry about it, as long as you come again, it’s on the house.”

He winks suggestively.

Baitsakhan, of course, agrees.  After all, who could say no to a free cup of coffee, right?  And obviously, obviously it had no correlation to the fact that he actually wanted to come back to ogle the baristas.  Duh, no.

When he first visited the coffee shop, Baitsakhan never imagined he would meet someone like this who flirted blatantly and paid for his drinks.  When he first exited the coffee shop, he never thought he would come back again.  When he came back the second time, he never thought that this place would impact his previously non-existent love life.

Only when they are outside the door, Baitsakhan for the second time, An the first, and An is laughing at his lovestruck (Baitsakhan would deny this) expression that Baitsakhan realises that maybe, maybe a tiny part of him has fallen in love with Maccabee.

(Just a tiny part.)

CHAPTER INDEX (for your convenience)

1 | 2

so. how’d you guys like it?

here are the translations:

傻逼 = dumbass/idiot

王八蛋 = its like f    er (sry, i rlly dont like swearing in english in writing, i feel like ppl will track me down and yell at me)

好落后 = so behind (as in trends, like in the context of not caught up on the latest trends)

hope that cleared things up a bit, if not feel free to send me a quick message, and i’ll explain to you in detail.

anyways, any suggestions for the next chapter?? (i really need to change the texting usernames, any suggestions for the individual characters?? eventually all of the players are gonna get involved one way or another in the texting conversations)